#but apparently his fated character was gay too? neat

[plantwriting]

Today i learnt that apparently all of charlie slimecicle’s pcs from all campaigns he’s played in have been canonically queer. Cant believe slimecicle invented gay people

[morethansky]

***THE ACOLYTE SPOILERS***

• Me, seconds before I could hear millions of thirsty voices crying out: Oh my god is a nymph-bathing thing about to happen, is he legitimately about to strip

• Sadly, unlike Osha, I am immune to the Stranger's practically full frontal, but the reveal of his little tied-back hair bits at the same time had me screaming into a pillow, so we all win.

• So the island was definitely meant to evoke Ahch-To, right? This was a very The Last Jedi episode (it even had the same mismatched pacing for the three storylines lmao), and the Kylo Ren theme was the most prominent it's been in the end credits. I think the theories about Qimir being a progenitor of the Ren are spot on. I like this quite a bit; it would be smart to build off of High Republic stuff while cementing Resistance-era lore. This would line up with the Bad Batch building off of the Clone Wars stuff while cementing Resistance-era lore. I also personally find it a bit boring that Bane's lineage is laid out all neatly and am particularly interested in darksiders being outside of it. And it would mean the show is drawing even more from the books and comics, which I'm always in favor of. And fun fact, my second-ever SW fic was based on the Rise of Kylo Ren comics!

• But ALSO, given that they clearly showed the cortosis vein, it also evokes Bal'demnic, the planet where Plagueis kills Tenebrous omg??? Not to be an annoying fanboy, but I adore the Darth Plagueis novel and we're apparently supposed to see two additional Sith Lords before the season ends somehow??? And in the novel, Tenebrous secretly trains multiple apprentices. I could totally see the season ending with Qimir suffering a vague fate and an extremely brief Tenebrous appearance that leaves the door open for a season 2 big bad. That David Harewood casting rumor is too delicious to be fake!

• On that note, since episode 2, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how when we're introduced to Qimir, he's sleeping, and he's awoken by Mae, who is now confirmed to have been his apprentice. Which is notably how Palpatine kills Plagueis. It just feels so much like a neat little allusion to me.

• Did this episode not have such Mend This Old Wound vibes?? Waking up in your enemy's lair, finding out your wounds were tended to by him, realizing he really wants to convert you, discovering he doesn't find you a threat, being surprised by his vulnerability, being surprised by what of his past and his inner self he's willing to divulge. Tbh I hadn't even realized how tropey those elements were until I watched this lmao.

• Sadly, despite my lifelong love for enemies-to-lovers stories, I don't vibe with a lot of M/F ships, bad boy/good girl ones especially. I'm happy for the Oshmir shippers, though, and at least it's happening in a story created by a queer woman, so hopefully it'll be done tastefully. Hmm... Perhaps if I genderbent Qimir I could get behind writing something, and then the seduction to the dark side would be strengthened by the queer metaphor...

• BUT ALSO YOOO OSHA/JECKI CONFIRMED???? And after Dafne Keen confirmed that she played Jecki as having a crush on Osha?? Y'all, Osha was TOTALLY floating the idea of asking Jecki out on a date with that whole "the next time I'm on Coruscant" thing, oh my goddd. The gays continue to be buried, but at least they exist, and I guess at least everyone else is buried, too?

• I love that we got a quiet moment of Sol grieving because finally there was nobody watching and he couldn't hold it together any longer. This is what I was begging for the entire run of the Bad Batch. Wonderfully acted, too. Lee Jung-Jae's expression work is so good, and I love the long, lingering shot and how you see the tears well up gradually.

• I love when actors have to act as characters acting, and Amandla Stenberg was already acting as two different characters that they had to keep distinct from each other, but in this episode, they had to act as one of their characters acting as the other character lmao. Incredible.

• Halfway through this episode I was like, why does it feel like we're getting blueballed for information omfg. We're definitely getting the second Brendok flashback episode next week, and obviously they had to keep it at the forefront of the viewers' minds without giving it away, but I feel like structurally they could've lined this up in a different way that didn't just reveal nothing in order to kick the can down the road lol. I guess this is a pretty classic issue in mysteries.

• I've been deeply confused as to why there's been so much Jedi-good/Jedi-bad discourse lately, but I don't see them as firmly in either court and that to me feels like the entire point of the part they play in the story?? Which is why I always love seeing the tension in the Jedi-Senate relationship and the way the political machinations play out, especially when Palpatine's not involved (at least overtly).

So I really liked Vernestra's conversation with the senator and the line about the Jedi always being transparent so an audit shouldn't be an issue and how the show clearly illustrates that that's not remotely true. Which is also really interesting because we have Sol doing a cover-up, possibly him and the other three Jedi who were Brendok doing a different cover-up, and also Vernestra, who doesn't know about what happened on Brendok or what Sol is hiding, clearly looking uncomfortable at the suggestion that the Jedi are transparent, pointing to other things they (or she specifically) haven't been disclosing.

I'm a sucker for political corruption in stories and when well-meaning people's hands are tied, so I'm eating it up. And of course I love how they're setting up the Jedi's fall from grace and building out context for why and how they would walk into Palpatine's trap.

• Qimir talking about being a Jedi a very long time ago is very intriguing. Upon seeing his scar, my first thought was Force lightning and that he was talking about being abandoned by a Sith master. But with Vernestra's whip making an appearance that doesn't add anything to the story otherwise, the show is clearly presenting it as the cause of the scar?? Which is VERY interesting.

• Mog's suggestion that Sol killed all the Jedi made my jaw drop because why would they even speak this outrageous idea into existence if it doesn't have truth to it in some way??? Like oh shit, that's REALLY fun. Has Sol killed Jedi before? Would he? Are the other Jedi wary of him? Do they feel the same way about the other three Jedi who were on Brendok? Mog specifically notes that Sol is very powerful. We already saw this with him going up against Qimir and surviving, so why this line?

• Sol was already my favorite character from the start just with how warm he was and how full of regret and how much he clearly loved Osha even though he wasn't supposed to, and every episode has drawn the darkness simmering within him closer to the surface, which brings him even closer to the kind of character I'm particularly fond of, so I'm very, very interested in where the show takes him. I don’t know if they could really swing Sith Master Sol, but Lee Jung-Jae sure as hell could act it.

• Can I just say, the writing for this show is definitely wobbly, but I at least appreciate that showrunner Leslye Headland has a refreshing understanding of story mechanics, even if she might love foils a little too much (and this is coming from a total foil whore). What she said about a good plot twist being built up so that the viewer realizes what's about to happen just before it's fulfilled instead of coming out of nowhere and being a total shock literally made me pump my fist because I've been complaining about the internet's poor understanding of this concept for literal years!! And the way she talked about how when you watch Jecki die, you want her to move out of the way so you can see the Stranger's face, and how in thinking that you've betrayed her and in a way become complicit in her death, is SO good.

• It's too bad all live-action Star Wars ever is doomed to have mediocre dialogue. But at least these things make me feel fairly confident in having high hopes for the Brendok reveal. And regardless of what happens, I am so excited to see goddess Mother Aniseya again next episode, omg omg!!!

[orlha]

Kakashi/Sakura - Romantic ♡ 3. Where character B is their soulmate Please♡♡♡

Notes: SOOOO This is supposed to be a drabble. But heeeey SURPRISE it’s not? Hope you like it anyway, I might add that it’s not terribly fluffy either.

—

Civiliansconsidered themselves adults when they received their soulmarks at eighteen.Shinobis didn’t care too much about their soulmarks or tried not to at least.Not all soulmates meet, and if they do, not all of them meet on friendlyterms.  

Kakashiknew that the chance of having an out-village soulmate was rare, yet he hadseen how Rin had reacted when Obito died, seen how his father had chosen deathover him, seen Sensei picked death over living without Kushina. His soulmarkappears, “No, you stupid man. You are not dying under my watch!” curvingdown his palm. Cursive and almost unreadable words. 

Inanother world without shinobis, without pain and the ever-hanging death,Kakashi thinks he might have been loved and loved back. But he’s not in anotherworld. He’s here, where the people closest to him have chosen to die, wherethey had died leaving him alone. 

Gaiassures him that soulmates always meet each other. It’s fate and no matter howfar he runs, he’ll always come back to the same fork. It leaves a bitter tastein Kakashi’s mouth. He doesn’t someone, doesn’t want someone else to die onhim. Gai… Gai is the only one he trusts not to die on him. Too much energy andoptimism, too much youth. 

So hedistances himself. 

FromTenzo who pursued his friendship, from Asuma who tried to rekindle their‘broship’ after his long absence, from Team seven who was a mockery of what hisown team had been. 

Hebarely trains his genin, barely cares when Naruto was apprenticed to Jiraiya orwhen Sakura is apprenticed to Tsunade. They were barely his students. 

Yethere they are again. Tsunade refusing to let him fade into anbu, forcing him toreform his team. 

Hehates it, hates how people push him, with supposedly comforting words that hissoulmate was out there somewhere.  

Hedoesn’t care. He tells himself that every time. His soulmate is probably dead,or out-village and he doesn’t care. 

Theyare all lies. 

Becausehe does. 

He’sjust abandoned. 

—  

Inspite of people’s popular beliefs, Sakura worked hard to get top kunoichi. Sheknew it wouldn’t matter in the long run. Academy scores didn’t matter in thereal world, but that was all she had to prove to her next superiors that shewas competent. Never mind that she didn’t have a senior shinobi to train herlike all the clan kinds, never mind that some days her parents ‘forgot’ to feedher.  

Sakurais good. 

She hasto be. 

She’snot like Ino who had parents to fall back on after graduating. Sakura had neverhad that kind of affection. She imagines that when she gets her soulmark, meetsher soulmate that they would fall passionately in love. She’d be tucked intohis arms, she would be loved. 

It’sthese thoughts that keep Sakura going even when her jounin sensei turns out tobe a distant and barely teaching them anything beyond referencing books to readon.  

Sakurareads these books voraciously. No one is going to help her if she doesn’t helpherself. She summons her own courage to request for an apprenticeship with Tsunadeand spends her next few years proving herself that she is competent, that sheis worth teaching. 

Becauseno one else cares if she doesn’t.  

—  

Shishousends her on a mission with her former Team Seven just near her birthday. Anddespite it being a fairly low ranked mission for shinobis of their status,Sakura thinks that Shishou hadn’t counted for the Team Seven luck. 

Whatshould have been an almost idyllic mission turns into a shitfest. Turns out theperson they were escorting was some long-lost prince who now inherited thekingdom and by mandate was returning to ascend the throne and the councillorwho had looked after the kingdom for twenty years was disgruntled enough tosend Iwa-nins to kill him.

That’s not important. 

Sakurawas busy fighting off Iwa-nins and their stupid explosive jutsu when Kakashitakes an almost fatal hit for Yamato. Quickly, with Sai’s help, she disengagesand flickers to Kakashi, hauling him to the side where Naruto’s clonessurrounded them in a protective circle. 

“No,just leave me,” Kakashi says even as she fights to manually pump his blood andheal that hole in his torso.  

“No,you stupid man. You are not dying under my watch!” she snarls. She presses on,leaving Naruto to deal with anyone attempting to interrupt her and divesin.  

It’smaybe minutes or hours later when she wakes from her healing trance,disoriented by the lack of veins and cells in her vision. A hand helps her up. 

“Kaka-senseiwill be fine.” Hands press food into her hands as soon as she’s seated by thefire. 

She blinks.  

Thestars above have bloomed across the dark twilight sky, the Iaw-nin bodies hadbeen burnt or sealed away, a small smokeless campfire had already been startedand Kakashi was tucked under a blanket next to Yamato, his half-lidded eyewatching her. 

Shedoesn’t care if she saved Kakashi against his will. Only stupid man does stupidthings like that. He can hate her for all she cares. He wouldn’t be the firstor the last to do so. Sakura forces herself to eat the stew Sai had given her.Tomorrow she’ll need to check on him and considering how he chose to dieinstead of being healed, she already knows it’d be a fight. 

To hersurprise, Kakashi doesn’t put up a fight the next day. He lets her press hermedical chakra in, check his torso and even his eyes.  

Andwhen everything checks out, Naruto heaves their long-lost prince onto his backand starts the trip to the Kingdom of Stars. Now that they’re aware of actualthreats, they’re more cautious about leaving traces behind.  

Sakuratries not to recall the way Kakashi refused to let her heal him. So it seemsthat her choice of people to have crushes on always are people who areemotionally unavailable. She’s been down that way once, abandoned at thevillage gates. It wouldn’t surprise her if her soulmate would be equallyuninterested in her.  

Themission ends successfully, and they’re invited to stay in the palace for a fewdays. The Kingdom of Stars is gorgeous. Unlike the Kingdom of Moon, the mostpicturesque thing about the Kingdom of Stars is their sky. The trail ofnorthern lights dancing across the sky, beset with shimmering stars.  

Sakurastares out into the sky, the light wisp of smoke escaping her mouth as shebreathes. It’s a place she wouldn’t mind retiring to. The placid lifestyle ofthe people here, their earnest laughter.  She thinks she could be happyhere. 

Probablynot.  

She hadfinally gotten her soulmark during the mission. It’s across her hip and shedoesn’t care what it says anymore. It’s stupid yearning for something she’llnever get or even brooding over it. When this mission is over, she’ll go backto the hospital where no one cares, back to her one room apartment.  

Sakuraisn’t meant for happiness or love. 

“Sakura?” 

She’sso lost in her thoughts that his voice almost startles her off the roof.Kakashi grabs her, his hand lingers on her arm before he sticks it back intohis pockets. His shoulders are slumped, radiating the feeling of exhaustion. 

“Areyou okay?” The weapons that the Iwa-nin weren’t likely to be poisoned. She wouldhave noticed if it were, but there’s always the chance for human error. Sheputs a hand on his, double checking his system for any infection or poison. 

That’sweird, his hands are bare. Kakashi always wears his gloves. 

Sheturns his hand and gasps. There are thick calluses across his palm, especiallyon the fingertips and across the palm, almost down to his wrist is undeniablyher handwriting.  

“No,you stupid man. You are not dying under my watch!” it says.  

Sheslowly looks up at him. His mismatched eyes look back at her nervously.  

“Ibelieve these are your words,” he says carefully.  

Sakuracan hear her blood pounding in her ears, the colour in her face bleeding out asshe processed the situation. She pulls her shirt up, wrenching part of herpants down. Splayed across her hip, the narrow but neat writing are the words “no,just leave me.” 

“Those…are definitely my words and handwriting.” His hand curls up to grip hers.  

Shebarks a mirthless laugh and shakes his hand off, stepping back several steps.“So…” she starts in a quivering voice and hates herself for the weakness. “…I’m marked with your suicidal words.” 

Sheturns away and the frustration of the entire situation, the helplessness feltso overwhelming that she couldn’t stop tears from gathering in her eyes. 

She wasright.  

Thepeople always had crushes on were emotionally unavailable and that apparentlyincluded her soulmate, the man she had a crush on for the last two years. Also,the man who is suicidal and had such a blatant disregard that shishou forcedthem to have a medic at all times. 

Underall her doubts and sarcasm, Sakura had hoped that her soulmate would be someonewho loved her, where she could finally be love and be loved in return. 

“I’mnot…” he murmurs behind her. “…suicidal…” 

Hereaches out to clasp her shoulder.  “Sakura…” 

“Don’tworry, I’ll be fine even if you leave,” she tells him. She had seen shinobislike Kakashi. She knows what would happen. She won’t cry over this, or so shetells herself as she ignores the tight clenching in her chest.  

Becauseno one would care if she isn’t alright and her parents would be smug in theknowledge that they were right; that even her soulmate didn’t want her. 

“Let metry, please.” His fingers tightened and she looks up at him. Hissharingan still spinning slowly, his hair almost fey in the dimmoonlight.  

Shepulls a shuddering breath from her lungs, schooling the trembling in herhands.  

“Youdidn’t care to teach any of us anything. Didn’t care who I went to or if I hadto go to genin corps. Why? Why should I?” 

“I’mnot suicidal. I just… There’s a point where you don’t care because you’ve beenabandoned by everyone that loved you and I know I fucked up, but please.”His eyes are desperate. 

“Atleast you’ve been loved,” she says, scrubbing the tears furiously away with hersleeve. “I’ve never even once!” 

“Thenlet us try. We’re soulmates right? There has to be a reason for it…” he says.His tone full of self-deprecation. “Gai said that its fate and that no matterhow far we try to run from it, if it’s fate, we’ll come back to the same fork.So since we’re at the fork now. It’s better to try. I… I am still terrified ofmaking have new people join my ring of important people…” 

Herlips twist and Sakura laughs a wet laugh.  

“Andprove them wrong?” she asks. “All the people who said that no one would loveyou.” 

“I’ll standback and watch you crush them?” He thumbs her tears away. 

“Okay.”She presses her face into his palm, his eyes softening. 

—  

Andperhaps no one believed it would last. Some soulmates die young together, somesoulmates never quite work out. 

Betweentheir multitude of issues and age gap, no one believed Kakashi and Sakurawould.  

Butthey did. 

Curledup in each other’s arms, under the tall Sakura tree, watching the petals fallaround them, they finally found the happiness, peace and love they had longedfor.  

Untilthey were old and wrinkled, grey and aged.  

Kakashipresses a kiss into her greying hair and thinks of the northern lightsreflected in her pink hair then and he would have it no other way.

—

Prompts are still open all the way until New Year’s Eve if you want to send any in :)

Tumblr prompts list: here

[bpd-seishi]

What do you think about the plot/spoilers of drrbv?

okay i wasn’t sure when i was gonna answer this but i got all worked up and upset again so i guess now’s a good time as any lol 

not sure if i’m allowed to post the spoilers doc so if you wanna see it just dm me and i’ll send you the link 

putting this under a cut cuz spoilers and also this gets kinda venty and long 

okay first off, disclaimer. nothing against the voices team, even though i am really upset. please don’t send this to them, or harass them, or anything like that. i trust all of you not to do that anyway, but i felt like i should say it anyway given my,, feelings. also second disclaimer i’m just going off what i remember reading because i refuse to look at the doc again, it genuinely makes me nauseous. 

so, uh, i guess that answers your question, lol. i hate it. i really, really do hate it. 

there’s just,, a lot here to be honest. i guess i’ll go ahead and start with the obvious source of upset here: seishi’s whole character arc. we all know how i feel about him i mean it’s pretty obvious that his fate would come into play here 

it’s not even just the fact that he dies, it’s.....well, there’s a lot here that i fucking hate. first off, i straight up refuse to accept the fact that marin killed him lol. even if it was just an accident, like,, marin isn’t stupid. why would she put her hand over his mouth if he was suffering from poisoning? and even then, wouldn’t narumi technically be the killer because she was the one who poisoned him in the first place? i dunno if that’s the point like marin was just supposed to be a scapegoat or something, but either way it’s fucking bullshit. and....mikoto?? cutting his head off?? to hide evidence??? unless i misread that???? first off, why the fuck would she do that, and second off, that’s just....too much. i don’t think you could show that in an actual danganronpa game, ffs. they had one character who was dismembered, and he was a robot, for god’s sake. now, i will admit to not finishing v3, so forgive me if i’m mistaken in assuming this, but still it’s just. yikes?? 

and onto another thing with seishi, they really said fuck seiyumu rights here, huh? ngl i guess this is pretty biased since it’s such a huge comfort ship for me but i really do think it’s shitty, manipulative writing to tease the ship like this and then suddenly yank it away and have him try to kill ayumu anyway. even if it wasn’t a ship i cared about so much i still would be upset about them doing that it’s such a cruddy thing to do, like. they evidently were going to share a kiss scene and everything, and didn’t they even confirm seishi had romantic feelings for ayumu?? i don’t understand why they would have all that and then continue with the assassination plot unless it was just to make the whole plot more “edgy” and/or like,, try to show how evil and bad seishi is. which is honestly pretty stupid when they wrote him to be the biggest dork ever but what the fuck ever i guess none of that actually matters in the scheme of things. fuck characterization, who needs it? 

IN SPEAKING OF THEY REALLY SCREWED OVER A LOT OF CHARACTERS HERE, HUH. i really thought they’d let saiji live because i remember seeing that miwashiba originally wanted him to live in their version until his va dropped out, but they decided to toss all that out the window. and, hey, his death/arc could’ve been interesting anyway, i would’ve been sad but not this upset if they actually did something with him, but they instead decided to make his whole fucking arc rely on maiko which. just isn’t fair to either of them. maiko deserves better than to be “fridged almost gf that causes saiji to kill” and saiji deserves better than to be “guy who only thinks about maiko and his guilt over her death to the point where it overrides every other bit of his characterization”. that whole murder plot/chapter motive didn’t make a lick of sense anyway. just. fuck. 

i also really think they screwed over mikoto in having her be a killer, to be honest. her whole character in miwashiba’s original version was that she hated needless killing, and, idk, it just seemed weird to me that they decided to completely ignore that. and they made her spoiled and bratty like??? i don’t know it just rubs me all the wrong way. i also take issue with narumi being the mastermind to be honest. i feel like it could’ve worked, if they’d set it up better, and i dunno, maybe it would’ve been if they’d been able to continue, but her reasoning for doing it is just......it’s another thing i take issue with. that whole backstory is convoluted, and i can’t get through the exposition part of the doc without getting a headache. you can say what you want about miwashiba’s version, but it’s at least cleaner, and it makes more sense. and i don’t even wanna talk about akira’s involvement here i still don’t understand it. 

i’m starting to run out of steam and i’ve probably gone on long enough anyway (lord knows me and my friends gone on extensively about this) but it basically for me boils down to a lack of awareness over their own characters, too convoluted of a plot, and a lot of pointless edginess and what feels like twists for the sake of shock value (like what is the point of changing the pot as a weapon in chapter one to an acid squirt gun???? who asked for that????), and i know a lot of my friends feel the same, too. i really wish i could find something to be excited about for it, i mean, apparently they were going to have an arc about kazuomi being gay and i guess that’s neat but like. fuck. everything else kinda spoils it for me. 

most of this probably won’t affect the way i interact with the series much since voices is just an au of the og rebirth and i tended to prefer the original anyway when writing fanfic for it but,, the whole thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. reading the epilogue bits made my stomach sink, and not in a good way that i think they were going for. 

and of course, it’s fine if you disagree with me, but it really upset me and i had to get it off my chest and i’d really like it if we didn’t discuss it too much on this blog, please. i can’t even pretend to be excited about it, it’s got me that fucked up. 

[gayestshakespearecouples]

Hamlet by Truro School & cube theatre

Last night I saw a Hamlet production at my old school which was made in collaboration with the excellent cube theatre company (lowercase is intentional) and directed by one of my former classmates. It was incredible - VERY modern, very derivative from the original play in all the BEST ways. Now I'm going to ramble about the whole thing, mostly for myself to keep as a record of it. TL;DR this production's Hamlet was a very mentally ill lesbian who actually had a loving relationship with Ophelia until Polonius interfered. And I loved her.

Here's the main Interesting Things:

The generational divide was made VERY clear in the production because, while most of the cast was 15-18 year old students, Gertrude, Claudius, Polonius and the ghost of King Hamlet were played by drama teachers and cube theatre members. I'm really big on Hamlet being a play about the misunderstandings etc between generations, so I loved that element.

It was a modern setting version, not just the half-assed modern costumes I've seen before in Shakespeare, but making use of technology. 

For example, when Polonius was questioning Ophelia about Hamlet near the beginning, he casually took her phone and apparently scrolled through her text conversations with Hamlet (he later read out Hamlet's poems to Ophelia to Claudius from this phone.)

They also used projected footage onto the set, including LIVE footage of the play from a different angle at the very start, very end, and Ophelia's funeral - making these into publicity events with Claudius speaking to the camera. Definitely suited the play in a modern take on it; Claudius fits the role of hypocritical politician very well.

At other points the projected footage was pre-filmed in other locations, including using it to show Ophelia drowning herself, having Gertrude watch childhood videos of Hamlet before the scene where Hamlet meets her in her bedroom, and Polonius watched Hamlet and Ophelia on security camera screens a few times.

The entire ghost sighting was replaced with Hamlet, alone, seeing her father speaking to her in projected footage (presumably representing a TV screen). Honestly, I've always WANTED to be able to interpret the ghost as Hamlet's hallucination, but Horatio and the guardsmen seeing the ghost contradicted me - but not in this adaptation! The part where Hamlet explains he’s going to act mad to deceive his uncle (???) was also completely cut, so I’m certain the director intended Hamlet to be clearly mentally ill.

 (I say ‘the director’ as if she’s someone I’ve never met, instead of my friend, who I could just message right now to ask her what she intended! But I don’t even need to ask for clarification on that point)

Hamlet was a young woman (and so were Horatio and Guildernstern.) I’d heard of this being done before, but never seen it myself, and I found it utterly fascinating in the way it changed the story and how I reacted to it.

At the beginning, Claudius and Gertrude’s insistence that Hamlet “get over it” and stop grieving for her father came off not as “man up!” like it usually does, but instead, as them dismissing Hamlet for being a ‘dramatic teenage girl’ - perhaps the usual fate of Ophelia as well?

When from the mouth of an actress, Hamlet’s extremely misogynistic lines seem much more like general misanthropy and despair at the state of the world.

The play actually felt very much like  a lesbian love story that goes horribly, horribly wrong due to the interference of ‘adults’ (the older generation). Because not only was Hamlet and Ophelia’s love story a lesbian one in this production, but it was also portrayed as much more of - well, a love story, than I’m used to seeing in Hamlet. Right near the beginning it was briefly shown that Hamlet went to Ophelia for comfort after the whole ‘cast thy nighted colour off’ scene. 

Fascinatingly, the "to be or not to be" speech was actually flipped so that Hamlet saw Ophelia first, and then delivered the speech while sitting right next to her. Totally changed the speech AND the dynamic between them, by having it be an act of confession, a moment of extreme emotional intimacy between the couple. 

It also made the "get thee to a nunnery" scene that immediately follows even more heartbreaking; strangely, it never really struck me before that it’s a breakup scene, possibly because Hamlet and Ophelia never seemed to have much of a relationship to break up from. (One of the uses of projected footage was also to show the two girls together and clearly in love, on a beach, during that scene. There was sad music playing. It made me cry a little bit.)

And of course, Polonius’ instruction to Ophelia that she must reject Hamlet’s advances just comes off as very thinly veiled homophobia when Hamlet is a woman. I really hated Polonius in this one; he was a  malicious and manipulative character, rather than a busybody old fool as he often comes off.

As a mentally ill, uh... sort-of wlw (I might be agender but the fact I’m AFAB means that my attraction to girls ‘feels gay’, and thus I identify myself quite closely with the idea of being lesbian/sapphic) who is OBSESSED with Hamlet, seeing Hamlet as a mentally ill wlw, and also the same age as me (in fact the actress was one year younger), was just... So special. A really amazing experience. But even my mother really loved this production, too!

As an aside, it also showed Claudius as explicitly abusive towards Gertrude, which I haven’t seen before either. I somewhat guessed it was the case during the first half of the play - the way that Gertrude was portrayed made it seem like she was trapped in the marriage with Claudius, and she was very sympathetic to Hamlet; then, later on, Claudius actually slapped her. 

Oh and I think it was pretty cool that the stupid thing about Hamlet being kidnapped by pirates on the way to England (seriously, Shakespeare?) was replaced with Claudius sending hitmen after Hamlet, who then somehow accidentally ended up grabbing Guildenstern instead. (Didn’t quite follow what happened there, but it was a neat way of modernising it and making it less ridiculous nonetheless...)

[drama-nerd]

What You Meant to Me

Pairing: Xiuhan

Word Count: 1,659

Summary: He didn’t know what he had until it was gone.

Tags: Angst

~

“People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.” -Unknown

It was an old saying how people never truly appreciate something until it’s gone. In reality, we knew what we had, we just chose to ignore the fact that it would possibly be taken from us in the future. Minseok felt as though that never applied to him. He had amazing friends, close family, an adorable girlfriend (potentially fiancée), and had enough money to sustain him a good 80 years or so. He never felt as though he underappreciated anything. He prayed to God every day on what he was thankful for and repeatedly expressed that to those he cared for.

Suddenly, that all changed. In a course of 1 month, Minseok managed to lose everything he cared for, truly understanding that well-known statement.

~

Minseok didn’t know when everything started to fall. When everything in his life began to crumble. All he could remember was the pain he felt afterward. He remembered the streams of tears. He remembered the long, cruel nights staring at the ceiling, hoping for something to happen. He remembered the countless hours trapped in his own mind, trying to clear up the emotional war zone left behind.

It may have started when his girlfriend of 7 years (soon to be fiancée; he bought the ring and planned an extravagant proposal) left him for a “real man”. Saying something along the lines of how she “couldn’t deal with the everyday struggle of being with someone like you”. That left him scarred for weeks. Minseok became more self-conscious and less like himself. She left his best friend to pick up the broken pieces.

It may have started when his parents died. His beloved parents passed away due to a drunk driver colliding with their vehicle. They were in the car with Minseok. He vividly remembered driving them to the airport for a small business trip. Then, there was a blur. It was like watching a movie with some of the scenes being deliberately left out. Minseok seemed to recall snippets of it. He remembered the smell of burning flesh and the crimson blood flowing down the windows. He remembered the shrill scream of his mother. He remembered the searing pain in his head. Minseok chose to not think about it much.

After that, he had to undergo extensive therapy (Not like I need it, he thought.) with the help of his best friend. In addition, Minseok had desperately tried to hold on to what he had left. Such as his best friend, his remaining family, heck, even the apartment he owned.

Yet luck was not on his side. It never was.

~

It was a warm spring afternoon. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining brightly, and the people of Hangzhou were going about their day. On this afternoon, Minseok was cleaning out the spare bedroom in his now empty apartment. Beads of sweat rolled down his face as he moved box upon box out of the room. He started to feel the strain in his muscles yet he didn’t care. Everything had to be gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Everything about him had to be gone.

It’s been approximately 3 weeks since he left. The person who made him smile. The person who made him laugh. The person who made sure he took care of his body. The person who made him happy. The person who easily became the light of his life. The person who comforted him when he went through a horrible breakup. The person he confided his feelings to. The person he shared 15 years of his life with. The person who cuddled with him on stormy, rainy days. The person that helped him with his girl troubles. The person who helped him bear the pain of losing his parents. The person who was just there. His best friend.

Lu Han, better known as Luhan, was a 26-year-old whom Minseok met when he was 11. They met on the field, playing football to their heart’s content. There, they just clicked. It was as if fate was destined to have them together, platonically of course. Sure, they had their faults and differing ideas on some issues; yet Minseok wouldn’t have changed that for the world. Their friendship was strong to the point onlookers presumed they were more than just friends. However, Minseok would never cross that line. He was a straight male after all.

Although this past month, Minseok didn’t understand anything. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t feel. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t smile. He couldn’t act like a human being. All he knew was that it hurt. A lot. It hurt more than when his girlfriend dumped him 4 weeks ago, permanently this time. Or when his parents passed away due to a freak car accident. It felt like a whole new level of hurt and anguish.

Everything started to go downhill a long time ago yet this was the cherry on the damn sundae.

As Minseok shoved the last box in the cluttered hallway, a letter fell out of the box he was previously holding. He planned to return all of his belongings to his parents and presumed the letter was meant for them. However, when Minseok picked up the letter to return it into the box, neat characters spelling out his name stopped him. He knew that handwriting belong to him. Who else would it be? Wu Yifan from next door?

What? Minseok thought as stared at the letter for at least 2 minutes. It’s been 3 weeks and I just notice this now? With hesitation, Minseok carefully ripped open the letter that was clearly addressed to him (He doubt that there was any other ‘Minseok’s in the area considering he lived in China for the time being; not Korea). There, it read in familiar scrawl:

Minnie,

We were never meant to be. I understood that a long time ago. I’m gay. You’re straight. I’m head over heels for you. You’re head over heels for her. (Big surprise) I’m always by your side. You’re never there for me. I’m your “best friend”. You’re my everything. I hate how you’re always hurt by her. How she breaks you down every day. (Don’t think I didn’t notice).

I hate how you’re still with her when she clearly hurts you. I hate how I see bruises on your perfect face when you come back from her house. I hate how you never notice. I hate how you brush it off. I hate how you defend her actions. I especially hate how you make me feel. I hate your adorable nose. I hate your puffy cheeks. I hate your round features that bring out your inner and outer beauty. I hate how I don’t hate you. In fact, I love you.

For the last 10 years. You ruined my personality. You ruined my love life. You ruined my opportunities for a happy ending. You ruined my thinking. You ruined my feelings. You ruined me. Yet, I don’t care. I don’t care what you’ve done to me. I don’t care the emotional turmoil I felt with you by my side.

However, I do care how you feel. I care about your health. I care about your feelings. Although I’ll be gone, I’ll never forget your smile. I’ll never forget the way you used to see me. With admiration. I’ll never forget the way you get excited about little things. I’ll never forget your mono-lid eyes. I’ll never forget your lovely cheeks. I’ll never forget the way you cuddled into me when you had a nightmare. I’ll never forget you.

Despite my feelings. Despite my desires. Despite my needs. Despite my wants. Despite our relationship. Despite the last 15 years. Despite my life for the last 26 years.

I think it’s time to say goodbye.

I love you

Goodbye.

-Luhan

~

For what felt like hours, Minseok just stared at the letter. Drops of tears stained the paper, smudging the graphite writing. No words escaped his mouth. Minseok just sat there; with his hands clutching the unfortunate piece of paper and staring at it intently. The only noises filling the room were the ticking clocks and the chirping birds from the outside. They shouldn’t be so happy, Minseok bitterly thought.

A puddle of thoughts swarmed furiously around Minseok’s mind. He couldn’t comprehend what was going on, there was too much to process. One; his best friend LOVED him for the past TEN years. Two; there was no apparent reason as to why he left. Three; he had the nerve to write a heart at the end of it all. Minseok was so tempted to rip the paper the half. To burn the damned piece of paper. To just damage it. Yet deep in his heart, he couldn’t. It was the last memory Minseok had of Luhan. Getting rid of it was equivalent to burning a kitten to death and watching it die as it cried in agony. That was when he realized that Luhan mattered to him more than a friend should. A friend leaving shouldn’t shatter his entire world. A friend leaving shouldn’t make Minseok want to ask the cruel world to just end. A friend leaving shouldn’t result in him breaking.

All of those nights cuddling together. All of those days laughing with each other. All of those days teasing each other. All of those nights under the stars, dreaming of the future, would never happen again. Just because he didn’t realize his feelings sooner. Just because he didn’t realize how much Luhan meant to him. Just because he realized how much she didn’t matter.

Minseok felt dumb. Stupid. Ignorant. Oblivious. Confused. Agitated.

Finally, he just whispered, “I’m sorry…"

Suddenly, the front door opened, revealing a familiar, blurry figure.

“Hey…"

Luck was never on Minseok’s side. Until now.

~

I don’t think I’m cut out for writing angst… Oh well!

-A