#but at least the thrift shop is super cute!! honestly in love

[leafywillow]

gone thrifting

[memberofthejazzclub]

I need a really good outfit for an event I’m doing and I just realized it’s NEXT WEEKEND. I literally do not have the time to shop stores or my closet or the Pinterest board in my mind and give myself a feminist pep talk about how it’s okay I’m still in my COVID weight era. Honestly I love fashion so much and I used to wear and make many cute outfits lovingly DIYed and thrifted cause I had skills once upon a time and I went to fashion college for a time but I do not feel cute lately and I’ve been purging my closet but not updating it and now I’m stressed out I have to speak to an audience on a microphone while standing next to some super young fashionable literary stars and I have to look like a boring professor unless I go to the mall tomorrow and spend some ridiculous amount of money cause if I can’t be 25 again aka the year of my peak femme club outfit I felt like Violet from Bound then at least I can upgrade my academic bling and make up and keep my outfit simple but definitely not basic. I am not a flashy person but I need to practice shimmering for days like these.

[pennylanewrites]

I got seven different asks about the College AU so here are some headcanons I have about them! (imagine aiura is in the picture I couldn’t find a good one with all of them)

I definitely didn’t mean to make this so long but I can’t help it I love them all so much<3

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

Saiki Kusuo

→ marine!!!biology!!!major!!!!!!!!

→ doesn’t need to study but he still does bc he finds marine life so fascinating

→ read all of his textbooks on the first day bc he was so excited eeeek

→ always wears his germanium ring in class so he can stay hashtag focused

→ him and aiura have to bail toritsuka(didn’t go to college) out of jail once a month

→ speaking of aiura, she somehow has convinced him to go on a date on five different occasions

→ i think after high-school he realised he didn’t mind a kind of casual not-relationship with her

→ lets her hug him to greet him and sometimes he hugs back bc college boys stare a lot and he is just worried for her okay?

→ maybe I’m just projecting bc I kin aiura

→ does not go to parties unless he absolutely has to

→ if he does go to a party he’ll drink something quietly in a corner, just watching the crowd

→ a perv laced Teruhashi’s drink and almost lured her up the stairs so of fucking course Kusuo sprinted to help her, holding her on the way home bc men are drawn to her like bees to honey

→ she didn’t let him live it down ever

→ he rented a studio apartment and keeps it super clean, minimum clutter but enough to look lived in

→ cooks amazing food that Nendo smells from upstairs and next thing you know, they’re all bringing chairs to Kusuo’s apartment and have dinner

→ nothing excuses the fact he makes at least eight servings every time–

→ such a dad to everyone honestly

→ usually studies at a library or teleports back home if there’s a big test

→ mrs. saiki was banned from visiting every two days but she still ends up there somehow

→ not that he minds bc he’s the biggest mama’s boy ever

→ probably graduates a year early

→ doesn’t move away even though he got a job at the aquarium at the other side of the city help–

Kaidou Shun

→ fine arts major you can NOT change my mind

→ doesn’t do good in theoretical subjects but mans can draw some good bowls of fruit

→ wears those stained from the paints t-shirts all the time bc ‘no they’re not dirty it’s art!’

→ him and aren have small designated spaces in their apartment so they can focus on their hobbies/studying

→ his corner at the living room has newspapers on the floor to protect it from the splattering paint, some canvases propped up on the wall and a lot of unfinished projects

→ hides all of them when Nendou comes over

→ can not cook or clean to save his life

→ so he calls his mum to help clean up when Aren is at work

→ got over his 8th grader syndrome at some point

→ still wears red bandages bc he’s edgy

→ volunteers at the neighborhood exhibit centre

→ got asked to showcase his own works for a night and hasn’t shut up about it since

→ goes to yumehara for relationship advice and braids her hair as a thank you

→ couples sleepovers with Yumehara and Teruhashi (yes they’re dating shut up)

→ always makes something for Aren at special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries etc)

→ at first he went back home every saturday bc he missed his family :(

→ Aren helps him get over it though!!!!

Nendou Riki

→ got in on a sports scholarship

→ we already know he couldn’t be accepted in a college otherwise

→ in the chiropractic major bc he wants to be one of those athlete doctors

→ has failed way too many exams and classes

→ Hairo helps him so much though!!!

→ the last one in the group to graduate but somehow gets a job first (excluding Saiki)

→ him and hairo get up at 5 am for jogging or to hit the gym

→ and then he goes and gets noodles bc ‘if noodles aren’t for breakfast why do shops open at 6 am?’

→ hasn’t stepped foot in class in months

→ he gets decent grades after failing the first semester and it’s totally not Saiki’s doing

→ he ends up signing up for way too many clubs

→ attends all of the meetings and has so many friends through them

→ I would be his friend too in college honestly

→ a fraternity wanted to get him bc he’s so good at sports

→ he declined bc he does not understand how fraternities even work

→ is the life of EVERY SINGLE PARTY change my mind you can’t

→ whatever you do don’t imagine nendo surprising his boyfriend with flowers after every practice

→ *dies cutely*

Kuboyasu Aren

→ SOCIOLOGY MAJOR

→ idk I just think he would enjoy Marx’s Capital

→ debate club? hell yeah

→ gets in philosophical conversations at the school yard for HOURS

→ kaidou has to drag him away

→ only shops at thrift stores and makes coffee at home bc “capitalism is not accepted in this household”

→ rides his motorcycle to college even though he lives five minutes away

→ grew his hair out in a mullet again and he looks *chef’s kiss*

→ thought he would be moving too fast if he asked Kaidou to rent an apartment together

→ aiura convinced him it was fine

→ cooks kaidou’s favorite foods every day

→ participates in student rallies, human rights protests etc etc

→ comes home with bruises and kaidou thinks he looks so hot but still yells at him

→ Aren’s favorite place to study is his balcony or at a coffee shop

→ always with kaidou! cute boyfriends who do everything together!!

→ gets so drunk when they go out

→ drunk karaoke with kokomi yes yes yes

Hairo Kineshi

→ did someone say Athletic Training?

→ does every single sport and is amazing at it

→ will cheer for his bf if they have a game at the same time though

→ it was his idea to move in together bc ‘hey we’ve been dating for three years now might as well’

→ volunteers at a nearby elementary as a coach for the kids

→ SO GOOD WITH KIDS

→ wants to be a P.E. Teacher and he’s going to be great at it

→ does everything he can at campus

→ helping random clubs, making posters, cleaning up the hallways, helping the cheer squad with their new routine

→ dances ballet as a hobby even though he’s so good at it that he could be a professional

→ makes everything a competition with Nendo so they never get bored

→ once made everyone get up to jog with them and they ended up sleeping on random benches while Hairo and Nendo were halfway across town

→ will punch someone if he sees them catcalling a girl

→ doesn’t drink at all and eats super healthy

→ designated driver for the group’s outings downtown

Aiura Mikoto

→ THEATER MAJOR

→ is so good at stage acting it’s unreal

→ lands the lead role almost every time

→ is also an amazing singer so she gets great roles in musicals as well

→ doesn’t have to get a job bc she gets all her money from doing readings on campus

→ gets coffees and pastries from all the coffee shops around campus and sits Kusuo down so he can taste them

→ they have a little taste-testing date in his apartment until they decide none of them are as good as the ones at Cafe Mami

→ she totally doesn’t make him teleport there every morning and he totally doesn’t listen to her

→ moved in with chiyo bc they wanted a nice place that they couldn’t afford on their own

→ teruhashi told them to move in with her but they already loved their little place

→ aiura’s bedroom is the most comfortable and cozy room ever

→ their apartment is also the hang out spot for the group bc it’s just so homey

→ hangs out with her theatre group a lot, especially after class

→ they can’t compare to her friends though:(

→ everyone goes to her when they’re worried and she loves it bc she’s the mummy of the group

→ she makes everyone coffee and their comfort food before big exams:)

Yumehara Chiyo

→ psychology major one thousand percent

→ you know how they say that people choose psychology bc they don’t know what major they want?

→ that’s exactly what happened except she fell in love with it immediately

→ such a good student!!!

→ always does her assignments on time and still manages to have a social life

→ teruhashi asked her out at the end of their first semester and that’s the first time chiyo missed a deadline

→ practically lives with teruhashi, insisting it’s just to leave aiura alone

→ she’s just IN LOVE OKAY?????

→ would want to be a sorority girl at first

→ changed her mind when she realized how much shit they all talked

→ her and kaidou drink wine and talk about their relationships and studies

→ she’s so sleep deprived it’s unreal

→ she doesn’t need sleep anymore though

→ coffee is her best friend

→ makes asks Aiura for readings twice a week

→ brings all her psychology friends home and they analyze their textbooks

→ once she got the hang of it, she decided to examine Kusuo

→ she told him he needs actual medical evaluation

→ he almost threw her out the window when she offered some Xanax for his nerves

→ chiyo is a neat freak one hundred percent

→ hates when Aiura throws everything on the floor, but she loves cleaning

→ opens her own office after school

Teruhashi Kokomi

→ PRE-MED

→ lesbian doctor :)

→ just wanted to get away from her perv brother at first

→ she always wanted to be a doctor though, preferably a neurosurgeon

→ she’s super duper smart and hates when she gets good grades bc of her good looks:(

→ makes it her goal to show her professors that she’s more than a beautiful girl

→ hasn’t failed a single exam

→ helps everyone with their studies even though she’s drowning in work

→ drops the perfect girl image at college and decides she should try and aim for something normal

→ gets invited to every single party

→ in a knitting club bc it would get disbanded without one more member

→ knits!!!matching!!!sweaters!!!for all of her friends!!!

→ asked Chiyopipi out while drunk

→ never regretted it though

→ her and aren get so drunk when they go out with the group

→ it’s honestly unreal how much they can drink before passing out

→ has to get carried home

→ wakes up after getting drunk and runs to her class before remembering it’s Sunday

→ her penthouse has the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise and is all she could ask for in life

→ does get lonely so she’s practically living with Chiyo and Aiura

→ once she realized she didn’t like boys she made it her goal to get Saiki and Aiura together

→ people wonder how she has so much time to play matchmaker and volunteer while she’s in premed

→ does her internship at a hospital

→ ends up working there as a neurosurgeon after her Doctorate degree

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

[valatheapprentice]

Random main 6 head cannons because I can?

(My first set of these. Shoukd I do more? Open for suggestions)

Asra

You know people who have no chill? He's the opposite. He stole their chill. Just don't get sick or arrested and he'd be aight.

Until you get sick. Ptsd of the plague will make him so on edge. You both will need to talk about it since you don't remember it and don't want there to be tension

We all knew this, but snake sweaters and little hats

He has a specific tea for gossiping. Nothing magically relevant, just he likes the feeling he gets. Maybe hibiscus and skullcap? Idk ill look at my herbs and think on it

He likes to put temporary/semi permanent color in his hair. Just a couple face framing strands. Maybe on holidays or birthdays or big events

Eats healthy, but his weakness is soda. Loves the carbonation

Julian

Normally will not say no to you if you want something. If he does, you might change his mind through looking at him in a certain way. Or a blowjob

Unpopular opinion: the man is a switch! He has an extremely stressful job. He has days he has to keep it all together and have control of everything and other people. Then he may wanna bottom. There will be days nothing seems to work out and he feels out of control. He may wanna top then.

Has a vague belief system. Since "dating" asra, he realized that magick was real and I have no doubt he tagged along in at least one holiday ritual. He may not be any more than letting whoever is out there, look over MC. He may want to learn more if you are heavily into it

Bitters and butter pecan ice cream for breakfast? You're darn tootin

Malak will steal your food. Jules may not care until you're in a screaming match with a bird. He may find it so freaking cute though.

He pops so much melatonin pills to sleep, please make the man something lavender to drink. He would also have a weighted blanket. Cuddles help wonderfully, but humans are not blankets. Whether he has a heated stuffed animal is up to your imagination. Long story short, its a cute ass sight

Nadia

I think she doesn't have a faith system. She celebrates whatever vesuvias main holidays are for public appearances. But I truly think she may be atheist. The way she felt about family growing up, her husband being the way he was, and whatever else we don't know about? Idk. He heart can change towards people but I dont think she has any faith.

Make the woman lavender and honey cupcakes for her birthday

On her period, she will eat a certain strawberry ice cream and watch Mulan on repeat while in fuzzy pj's.

Modern au nadia. I think her favorite music comes from the Civil wars. No idea why I thought that but im sticking with it

If single, I think she'd use tinder on particularly lonely nights. Not often, but once in a while

Wanna see her blush, surprise her. Especially in public. Confess your love in a restaurant. Whisper what you want her to do to you in a meeting. Send a nude when she's out. Show up at dinner with a gift or 9. Surprises are her weakness

Muriel

I don't think he would ever think of marriage unless you brought it up. Like if your waiting for him to propose on his own? Hope yall live forever bc he is just content just having you with him. Even if you have kids, he'd be so happy. If you want to get married, honestly, I think he'd be proposed to instead.

Put pants on the chickens and wait. When they run he will die of laughter

He clenches his teeth. Ptsd and stress still gets to him. He gets random jaw pains on particularly bad nights. He tries to bite the inside on his cheeks but he really needs some guided meditation

If you get him into condiments, he will use so much, its ungodly. I think he'd like mustard the most

It gets boring in the woods. And he rarely says no to you. Please try out different funky hairstyles on him. Itll be a huge laugh and we love a laughing muriel in this household

Everyday, he leaves you a note when he wakes up before you. Mostly saying he's out doing chores and he loves you. Sometimes it will be so much more emotional. He will blush of he finds out you saved all of them

Portia

Wears workout pants and stained oversized t shirts to bed. And honestly, same

Messy artist. She does her job and everything else in the house so cleanly, but he will get paint in her hair or a rhinestone behind her elbow when it comes to crafts.

Thrift shop queen.

She has an eclectic arrangement of home decor in the cottage. Theres no theme but cute things

She loves setting up scavenger hunts for you and jules. You each take turn being the organizer. Whoever of the two (or three if hes with someone) hunting finishes last, pays for dinner.

You'd think she'd be god tier gift wrapper, but no. You see. She likes getting drunk with jules and having a contest on whos the best gift wrapper drunk. Their both horrible but we don't say anything or risk the spoon

Lucio

Acts like a princess, but has a super high chill to horror or action stuff. During a jump scare, he will gasp, cuss, and laugh at himself

While redeeming himself, he will battle his demons until the day he does for real. Anger and a thirst for power will always be a think with him so I see him taking up martial arts to release some of it

Hes dumb in the way he doesn't think through everything. He is wicked smart in the way that he can assess a room or person almost immediately. Being a mercenary really helped with deduction and quick assessing for survival

Which is why I dont think there would be as many fights as one might think. He does dumb shit. But immediately sees in you where he fucked up and tries to fix it.

He will 10000% help you dress up camio, Mercedes, and melchior. They will hate you both until its time to be fed

Favorite food is fair food. Get him the meaty cheese fries and watch him melt faster than the cheese did

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

OK NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT 🍰 MEANS UD LIKE ONE PLEASE!

Um my name is Emma I'm 5'10 with thick glasses and shoulder length brown hair (I'm also getting an undercut on the right side bc ya girl E D G Y) I'm awkwardly skinny, like a stick, ID PUT FLATTYKAWA TO SHAME 😭. And since I'm awkwardly skinny and have long limbs I crash into everything within a five mile radius. I'm a mess but I'm cute so it's ok.

I'm a hufflepuff, Taurus and an INFJ. I can be either really observant and understand why people act a certain way or do the tings they do, or completely oblivious. There is no in-between. I really like finding unique or weird things and love going to antique and thrift stores to find them. I'm really crafty and my head is always in the clouds with ideas for something I'm writting....which makes me a target for any kind of ball. I'm always getting hit in the head with balls, it's low key a meme at this point. I'm kind of awkward but I've been putting myself out there more often bc I don't want to regret all my time wasted being worried about what others think. I'm really nice and like to make people smile. I do nt have many friends (people are scary) but the ones I do I hold very dear to me and would fight for them till the ends of the earth. I can be kind of blunt sometimes and sometimes I don't get jokes but I mean well. And by mean well I mean I'm terrified of accidentally hurting people's feelings. I may be ✨soft✨ but I'm not a pushover and will call people out if needed. Around people I don't know well I'm pretty quiet but if you ask me about something I'm interested I could talk for hours upon hours. I can be pretty extra around my friends and have chaotic energy.

I love cute things and animals. I have these cats that I will NOT shut up about. I really like bright, kind of chaotic things

@pansexualproblemchild

Romantic Matchup

Semi Eita

How Y’all Met

Ok so Semi has a weird complex where he wants to be at least decent at EVERYTHING

So when someone pointed out that his serves could use some work

He just HAD to work on them

Unfortunately you being the ball magnet you are walked into the gym JUST as he served the ball

What happened next you may ask?

WHABAM

hit you right in the face

Apparently this particular serve was very powerful

Cuz sis you passed out 🤠

Now Semi was #panicking

So he picked you up bridal style and started walking you to the nurse

In the middle of this little journey you woke up

In his arms

Looking up at his beautiful face

Uhhhhh

ANYWAYS

He got you to the nurse

And turns out you were fine 😃

BUT

The nurse advised you not to be watched over for at least a couple of hours

And since semi felt super bad

He offered to watch you :)

Now in order to make this time less awkward

He asked you what you wanted to do to pass the time

To which you responded with....

✨ 🛍 THRIFTING 🛍 ✨

Ahh yes the art of shopping for cheap 😌

Now semi did not know what thrifting was

So it was your job to show him

You took him to one of your favorite thrift stores

Picked out a few outfits for him

And a few for yourself 😗

And held a mini fashion show!

Honestly semi was having the most fun he felt in a while

And after y’all picked out some clothes

You dragged him over to the nick nacks

And that’s when you found

These guys!

You decided to buy them, taking the smaller one for yourself

And giving semi the other one :)

It was to “mark your newly found friendship”

Yeah

That’s when semi fell in love with you

So when it was time to drop you off home

He decided not to waste the opportunity and asked you on a proper date

Y’all have been dating ever since ;)))

Favorite Things To Do Together

Ok honestly you got him REALLY into thrifting

It doesn’t Mayer if it’s clothes or just random items

He LOVES thrifting

Especially with you

Because you buy a shit ton of random little things

And they always remind him of you 😊

He also really likes to do crafts with you

AS OONG AS IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A HOT GLUE GUN

He’s burned himself one to many times...

Random Hc

He would 100% get an undercut with you

Y’all can be edgy babes together 😌

He doesn’t allow you in the gym anymore 😀

If his spike was able to do some damage IMAGINE the damage Ushijimas could do

No hurt s/o on semis watch

And I just wanna end these random Hc with the fact that this man would spoil you 👀

You see something you really want at the thrift store

He buys it

Honestly you stopped paying for things all together since you’ve started dating him

Astrology

When Taurus and Scorpio come together in a love affair, their union is nothing if not intense, whether that’s in a positive or a negative way.

They are opposite Signs in the Zodiac, giving them a special, complex connection.

They can combine to make a whole, each partner’s strengths balancing the other’s weaknesses.

Their sexual attraction is likely to be off the charts!

Taurus and Scorpio have tons in common, but because their personalities are so powerful, they often swing between passionate love and passionate disagreement!

Taurus and Scorpio both have deep desires, Taurus for possessions and Scorpio for power.

They’re both concerned with wealth and resources, and they’re both intensely passionate about all sorts of things.

Taurus is a bit more self-focused than Scorpio, who is more concerned with their lover and immediate family.

Both of these Signs have a great, deep-rooted need for security in a relationship, but with slightly different focuses.

While Taurus prizes honesty and forthrightness and abhors infidelity, Scorpio loves to be mysterious.

A Scorpio’s need for security is more about the need to be constantly reassured that their emotional connection with their loved one is strong.

The good thing is, Taurus needs this reassurance too — and is also willing to provide it for their Scorpio lover.

Their powerful connection that can shine when obstacles to intimacy are cleared away.

When Scorpio realizes that Taurus is there for the long term and won’t create the misery that some Scorpios attract to their lives, this relationship can blossom.

Overall Aesthetic

ThriftCore

Songs-

More Than Friends- Aidan Bissett

Listerine- Dayglow

Scrawny- Wallows

Thrift Shop- Macklemore

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

This Christmas - A Harry Styles Christmas Series (Part 6)

Two life long friends. Secretly in love. Home for the holidays. Will they risk everything by telling the other how they feel? Or will they spend another year loving from afar? 

Read these first    Prologue  Part 1    Part 2   Part 3    Part 4   Part 5

**

By the time you were back at your Mum’s house after a day of shopping, you were exhausted. Apparently your mother waited to do all her Christmas shopping in one day and have you hold it all. Your arms were so full of bags and boxes for all your mother’s book club friends, you had zero room to look and purchase any of the presents you had planned on buying on your little outing.

“Is there a reason you bought literally every bottle of wine today?” You groaned, placing yet another bag on the counter.

“We’re doing a wine exchange this year,” she said.

“How many bottles of wine are you exchanging with one person?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you ask so many questions?” She scoffed.

“I’m a writer. It’s what I do,” you smirked. “Also, this book club of yours how much time is spent on discussing the actual book vs the amount of time spent drinking wine.”

“Eh… 60/40,” she said, moving her hand back and forth.

“More like 40/60,” you laughed, just as the doorbell rang.

“Oh! They’re here,” she said. “Y/N get the door.”

“Who is here?” You said, heading towards the door.

As soon as you opened it up, you saw Anne and Harry standing on the front porch.

“Oh, uh, hey,” you smiled. “What are you two doing here?”

“I’m here for the book club,” Anne smirked. “Harry’s here to be the designated driver.”

“Yay me,” Harry waved his hands in the air.

“That’s tonight?” you asked.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Your mother shouted from the kitchen. “Stop being rude and let them in already!”

“Right, sorry,” you winced, moving out the way.

Anne walked right past you, while you and Harry stood there in the foyer.

“So… um, I should probably help my Mum set up,” you said. “But after we could head up to my room and talk…”

“Sounds good,” he smiled. “And I can help, set up too.”

“Good because you don’t have a choice,” you smirked, pulling him into the kitchen.

**

About an hour later, the book club was well underway and you and Harry were still making sandwiches and putting cheese and crackers onto a plate.

“Why do I feel like we’re only being used as free labor?” Harry joked.

“Because we are,” you laughed. “I think it has something to do with the whole they were in labor with us, so now we must labor for them.”

“I guess it’s the least we could do, right?” He laughed.

You giggled picking up the plates and taking them out. No one was paying any attention to you and Harry, so you decided to sneak up to your old bedroom and finally have the conversation you were dreading to have. When you got up there, Harry walked around a bit, remembering the last time he was there.

“I see you still have the Jonas Brothers poster,” he raised an eyebrow.

“That’s never coming down,” you scoffed. “You should know that. In fact, I would take it with me to my flat in London, but I have a new one I got last year on their tour.”

“I don’t know if I should be jealous or offended by that,” he laughed.

“Why would you be either of those?” you laughed.

“Because I don’t see any One Direction posters here and unless you have a poster of me at your flat…” he said.

“Yeah, sorry, I don’t,” you smirked. “You’re just not as cute.”

“Ouch!” He said, putting his hand over his heart. “I am now officially both emotions. You do realize they’re all married, right? Two of which have children, so unless you plan on being a homewrecker…”

“Well, I mean… if the opportunity arises…,” you joked.

“Wow,” he gasped. “I know what I’m getting you for Christmas. A big ass poster of me to cover your entire wall. One for here, one for your flat, and one to take with you when you travel.”

“Okay, that’s a little much,” you giggled.

“No, I don’t think so,” he laughed.

You shook your head with a laugh as you sat down on your bed, “So, what did you do today before you got dragged here?”

“Oh, nothing much, just spent some time with Mum,” he shrugged. “After she caught me sneaking back into the house this morning.”

“Smooth,” you laughed.

“What? I told you she got up early, but you wouldn’t let me get out before the sun was up,” he defended.

“Actually, you were the one to refuse to get out of bed,” you said.

“I was cold,” he shrugged. “And I didn’t feel like making the trek back to the house.”

“It’s like an extra twenty steps away,” you said.

“Anyway,” he said sitting down in your desk chair and spinning around a few days. “We have a conversation to discuss.”

“That we do,” you nodded. “Who should go first?”

“Weeellllll, since I’m the one who kinda just blurted out ‘I Love You’... why don’t you take this one next?” He suggested. “I mean it’s only fair.”

“I guess,” you sighed, dramatically laying down on the bed. “Before we discuss the next step… I need to get something off my chest. I don’t want you to take any of this the wrong way or anything…”

“Y/N, you’re rambling,” he said. “But I’ll try my best not to get upset or whatever.”

You sighed again, kicking your feet up to push yourself back up to sit on your bed.

“When you told me you loved me last night… I’ve wanted to hear those words for so long. Honestly, I think I probably would have wanted to hear those words back when we were like fourteen or something. And now that you’ve finally said them, It was like the best moment ever,” you smiled.

“Why do I sense a but coming?” He sighed.

“Because there is,” you sighed. “Even though I’ve been waiting to hear those three words and finally got them, I can’t just jump into a relationship with you because….”

“Because why?” He asked.

“We’re not the same people we were the last time we spoke, Harry,” you sighed. “We’ve gone years without even speaking a word to one another. What if we’re not the same people we fell in love with…”

“So, then you don’t love me?” He asked, confusion and hurt evident on his face.

“No, I’m not saying that,” you answered quickly. “I just… I think we need to go about this slowly because I’d rather take our time, get to know each other again, than to just jump right in and find out we’re not… you know.”

Harry hesitated for a minute before nodding, “I agree. I want to get to know you again. I want us to be closer again… and I want us to be together, but I’ll go as slow as we need to.”

You nodded, “There’s also… another thing we need to discuss.”

“Okay?” He asked.

“The whole long distance thing,” you whispered. “I know you live in London now, but eventually you’re going to go away for work or I’m going to go away for work. How do we know things won’t end like last time?”

“Because I won’t let that happen,” he said, taking your hand. “I fucked up. I know that, but I’d never do that again. I can’t… I won’t lose you again.”

“You really hurt me,” you whispered. “And it wasn’t just because you didn’t call or text, but because you were willingly spending and making time for all these other people… yet I never got that. Why? Why wasn’t I good enough back then? How do I know I’ll be good enough for you now?”

“I told you,” he said. “It was never because of you. It was me… me thinking I had to live a certain way.”

“Don’t you get it,” you said. “By you saying that, it obviously means that I didn’t fit into that way of life, Harry. I get it. I’m not some super famous and rich celebrity… I mean yeah, I’m not hurting for money, but I’m not a fucking millionaire either. I don’t own a house or have a super fancy car. I own a few designer things, but most of my clothes come from thrift shops or random shops in the city. I don’t look like someone who belongs on the cover of a magazine or in a movie or whatever. I’m just… me.”

“And that’s why I fucking love you, Y/N,” he whispered, looking into your eyes. “Do you honestly think I care about what material things you have or don’t have? Do you really think I’m that fucking shallow? I love you because you’re Y/N. My Y/N. I know we’ve changed, but everything I’ve always loved about you is still there because it’s what makes you , you.”

“I just don’t want to be the reason we don’t work out,” you whispered. “Because I’m not-”

“Hey,” he whispered. “If anyone should be worried, it’s me. I fucked our friendship, remember? I’m the one who will be leaving on tour, while you have a life here. You could easily forget about me.”

“I’ve never forgotten about you,” you told him.

“We can make this work,” he said, putting his hands on your cheeks. “We just have to let it.”

**

It was the next morning and you were typing away at your computer. You were making great progress and if everything went as planned, you would be finished with the manuscript by Christmas. You were finishing up your cup of coffee, when there was a tapping on the door.

“It’s open,” you said.

As soon as you got the words out, the door opened and Harry walked inside.

“Morning,” he smiled walking over and jumping on your bed.

You laughed, “Morning. What brings you by this early in the morning?”

“Nothing, just thought I’d see how you’re doing. Check in on your writing,” he said, looking around.

“Riiight,” you said. “I’d love to believe that, but you’re a terrible liar.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m not lying.”

“Sure,” you said. “Whatever you say. I have about another half hour or so of writing before I’m finished with this chapter.”

“Okay, then I’ll just chill out here until you’re done,” he said.

“You’re up to something,” you said.

“Am not,” he said.

“Fine, deny it all you want, but I’ll figure it out,” you said, turning around to face your computer.

You looked back over your notes before getting back into the writing zone. After about five minutes, you felt someone staring at you. You glanced back behind you and sure enough Harry was staring at you.

“Can I help you?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, what? No, I’m good,” he said.

“Then why are you staring at me?” You laughed.

“Because you look really hot when you’re writing,” he smirked.

“You’re here to makeout, aren’t you?” you said.

“Well, since you offered,” he smirked, pulling you over to the bed and on top of him.

“I have a chapter to finish,” you laughed.

“So, you can finish it after a little break,” he said.

“I like the way you think,” you giggled, pressing your lips against his.

The previous night you two had really talked over what you were feeling and what you wanted. Both of you wanted to be together, that much was obvious, but you two knew things wouldn’t be that simple. But despite all your worries and your fears, you were willing to try and you couldn’t think of a better time to do it than back at home where it all started during Christmas time.

And you couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

**

So sorry about the super late post, but I got busy and lost track of time! 

Look out for Part 7 tomorrow! 

[glowinggator]

Hey, I was wondering if I could request a match up? (It's totally cool if you don't get round to doing it though!)

I'm a guy, pan, 5'7, with blue eyes and dark blue hair. Pretty chill and more extroverted once you get to know me, and I love checking out small towns and looking into all the alt/thrift shops. I love horror movies, slapstick cartoons and tend to watch the same show 6 times before feeling comfortable enough to watch something else. I paint my room and change it around at least 3 times a month (it's an anxious tick 😅). I'm the middle child of 7 and I'm totally down with the whole crackhead aesthetic

I match you with...

Leonardo!!  Where do I even start with him? Honestly, this sounds like a match made in heaven. He loves how you become a bit more extroverted as he gets to know you; in fact, it’s part of what draws him to you! He loves to play off of the newfound energy, asking you out to do more and more things together. He also loves your naturally chill nature, too! No matter what, there’s always something to do!  Thriftshop dates? Thriftshop dates! He loves going into Snowlines and Goodwills a lot, honestly. Who would have guessed? He always finds the weirdest stuff, too. Not weird as in creepy, but weird as in hyper-specific t-shirts and mugs, or strange contraptions. You’re amazed at his weird luck. He also likes to find ugly af granny clothes so he can try ‘em on to make you laugh. It works every time. (He also buys some of them for future recon missions.) He also just really likes the vibes of thrift shops. Roaming the rows of old trinkets and clothes, worn with years of memories is a calm enough experience, but doing it with the best boyfriend ever? Who could say no to that?  Movie nights are always fun, but beware of the movie you pick! Paranormal horror (particularly poorly written ghost movies) with lots of plotholes are 100% gonna get made fun of. He can turn pretty much any B-List horror movie into a comedy. (Although, that probably isn’t the most daunting task in the world.) Popular horror ain’t safe from his comedic wrath, either. Psychological horror, though, will always get him. Throw on something like Oculus, or maybe even It, and you’ll have a very clingy turtle on your hands! He’ll try and play it off, cracking quiet jokes every now and then, but the way his voice shakes as he clings to your arm betrays his fear.  He’s a huge fan of slapstick cartoons too! He low-key grew up on CatDog and Ed Edd and Eddy, so it has a very special place in his heart. (His favorites out of the two were Dog and Eddy, respectively.) Give him some recs on new ones!! He also loves to watch ‘em with you as well. If you’re not watching movies on TV night, chances are it’s a slapstick you picked. And he’s great with rewatching things as well too, so don’t worry!!  He’s super fascinated by how you dye your hair. He gets these little stars in his eyes while he watches you, although you can’t seem to pinpoint why. He’s all too happy to help you get the back of your hair. (He never wears the gloves, and usually ends up with stained hands for a while afterwards. He’s super good at it though! Despite having no hair of his own, he’s really good at dying hair. If you ever wanna do something multicolored or intricate, he’s a safe bet. He’s awful at picking colors himself, though.)  He loves going on road-trips with you. There’s a surprising amount of small towns in New York, and he knows ‘em all. His favorite place to road-trip with you to is Cold Springs, hands down. An old, small town with a lot of charm. It’s a comforting town to walk around and explore. It’s fun to look at the older houses around there and go into the little shops that litter the streets. With so many independently owned shops, it’s hard to not find a little bit of charm there. Not only that, but it’s next to the Hudson River! Leo is an avid swimmer, so you’ll probably have to hold him away from the water if you didn’t bring something to swim in.  Middle child buddies! Tell him the family tea, he fucking loves it. He’s a super good listener too, and he gives the greatest advice.

Honestly, he’s cool with helping you reorganize your room. If it makes you feel more comfortable, than why stop? So long as you’re happy, he’s happy. He’s also a great mover, too. Literally the king of pushing heavy stuff around the room. PLEASE move your trinkets off of your dresser first, because he won’t move em. He’s confident that they won’t fall over, and he’s wrong every time. At least he has good reflexes! The painting thing is super new to him though! He admires the dedication, honestly. He totally asks Mikey for some cool designs to show you, in hopes that you’ll add em to the blank walls. 

He’s still taller than you, so prepare to have him rest his arm on your head and shit like, 24/7. He takes great pride in grabbing items off of the top shelf for you. It’s never in a condescending way though, and he’s fine with backing off if it’s an insecurity. If not though? He loves gentle teasing like that. He also thinks it’s kind of cute, lowkey. He likes leaning down just a tad for kisses.  He loves to sit behind you with his arms wrapped around your middle. It’s the comfiest thing in the world to him, and he’s fallen asleep many a time like that. 

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Fifty Six

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

August 23rd, 2000

Emile blinked uncomprehendingly at Rebecca. “What do you mean, I’m cute?” he asked.

“I mean you’re cute, honey,” Rebecca said, kissing his cheek. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that before?”

“No?” Emile asked. “No one outside my family, no one who I wasn’t dating at that exact moment in time. No one who has never been obligated to say it.”

Rebecca shook her head. “Well, you are, Emile. You are cute. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, you hear me? I don’t care what they say at college, you’re definitely cute. And any girl...or guy...would be lucky to have you.”

“And you’re not just saying that as a girlfriend?” Emile asked.

“Emile, we just agreed to break up because we’d be moving five hours away from each other for college! I’m just telling you, point blank, that you’re a catch. I’ll be sad to see you go, but it has to happen. And don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not cute, okay?”

“Okay...?” Emile said. “Self-confidence is not my strong suit, though.”

“Is it anyone’s?” Rebecca asked. “Love you, honey. Call me sometime, yeah?”

Emile swallowed. “Yeah.”

  February 14th, 2002

There were few things Emile appreciated in life more than a relaxing day in, doing nothing in particular with Remy. But one of the few things he appreciated more was going out with Remy and having some fun just the two of them, for any occasion. And that was how the two of them found themselves at the local bowling alley on Valentine’s Day.

“You mean to tell me that you had a bowling shirt in your closet all this time that you never told me about?!” Remy laughed as he came back from his turn bowling.

“You never asked,” Emile said simply. “And I wouldn’t call it a ‘bowling shirt’ specifically. It’s just more...retro.”

“Emile, you look like you walked straight out of the fifties. It’s a bowling shirt,” Remy said as Emile picked up a bowling ball.

Emile shook his head with a laugh and began his turn on the lane. The ball glided down the lane and all the pins but one fell down. Emile grinned as Remy exclaimed, “What?!” behind him.

As soon as he turned, Remy was on him. “Do you go to a bowling team when I’m not around? Is that why you have the shirt and these mad skills?!”

“No, Remy, I’m not a part of some super-secret bowling team,” Emile laughed. “It’s just regular secret-level, and we call ourselves The Spanish Inquisition, because no one ever expects us to win.”

Remy rolled his eyes and Emile laughed more. “Come on, Emile, be serious!”

“Never,” Emile vowed, grabbing a bowling ball and taking his second shot, landing him a spare.

Remy whooped and a few people in the other lanes either clapped or glared, depending on how much they approved of Remy’s volume. Emile laughed as Remy jumped on Emile’s back and said, “This is my boyfriend, everybody! The bowling pro!”

“Remy!” Emile squawked, laughing. “Come on, cut it out! It’s your turn!”

Remy huffed but got off Emile and went to grab a bowling ball while Emile sat down. Remy walked up to the lane and gave his turn a shot, and the ball slid down the lane quickly, knocking down every last pin for a strike. “Ha!” Remy exclaimed, jumping up and down! “Strike! Yes!”

“Way to go, Rem!” Emile said, standing up as Remy walked over and giving him a hug.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been bowling,” Remy said with a happy sigh. “I had to be...twelve or thirteen when I last went, it was someone's birthday party.”

“Yeah, I haven’t bowled in a while, either,” Emile said, grabbing a ball for his turn. “It was probably only a year and a half for me, though.”

“Your parents let you bowl at that age?” Remy asked, vaguely surprised.

Emile shrugged. “Well, I was mostly paying with my own money. What I didn’t pay, the church did. Because I was helping with the youth group when they would have events.”

“Huh. You helped out with your church?” Remy asked.

“I helped with the middle schoolers when I was a junior and a senior, and I had plans to help more when I went back home for the last summer, before we moved in together,” Emile said.

Remy grew quiet and drew into himself, and Emile immediately shook his head. “Not a bad thing, Remy, not in the slightest. And I don’t blame you. Honestly, you probably saved me a lot of stress, and I can help out at the shelter around here to feel like I’m making a difference.”

“You sure?” Remy asked, grimacing.

“Oh, yeah, Rem,” Emile said, offering Remy a crooked grin. “If I hadn’t moved in with you, we probably wouldn’t even be together right now, and I, for one, do not want to be in a world where that is the case.”

Remy offered Emile a shy grin as he scratched the back of his neck. “That is a pretty good thing,” he agreed softly.

Emile nodded definitively. “Definitely,” he said, going to bowl his next turn, knocking down four pins. He winced. “Ouch. Not my finest shot.”

Remy laughed. “Definitely not. But that’s okay, I still love you.”

“Good,” Emile said, kissing Remy’s cheek. “I wasn’t worried that you wouldn’t, but it’s still nice to hear you say.”

Remy grinned and playfully shoved Emile away from the kiss. “Of course it is. It’s always nice to hear a pretty boy say they love you,” he laughed.

“So you agree you’re pretty?” Emile asked.

Remy shrugged. “It’s a joke, Emile.”

“Yeah, but do you think you’re pretty?” Emile pressed.

“You certainly seem to think so,” Remy dodged.

“That’s not an answer to my question.”

Remy blew out a breath. “Okay...I will say that I’m not as ugly as I was during the raging hormones of puberty.”

“That’s also not an answer to my question,” Emile said, crossing his arms.

“Look, Emile, I just...don’t have that sort of confidence to say that I’m pretty with any amount of seriousness,” Remy said with a shrug. “Sorry.”

Emile sighed. “You really are pretty, though, and I wish you could see that,” he lamented.

Remy crossed his arms and thought. “You know, there might be a way for me to feel better enough about myself to say I’m pretty, or at the very least somewhat attractive.”

“Yeah?” Emile asked.

“That whole...self-expression thing you and Theo were talking about last week,” Remy said.

“What about it?” Emile asked.

“Well, I have a lot of T-shirts and jeans and casual clothes that can make me look good, but...all of them were approved by my parents, save for the ones I’ve found thrift-shopping since I moved here. I never got the final say in what I wanted to wear when it came to buying clothes. The leather jackets I have are the closest thing I have to rebelling against my parents’ clothing choices right now. Maybe if I redid some of my wardrobe, getting rid of the shirts I never wear, and buying some more stuff that I like and feels like me, that could help?” Remy seemed to be asking the last part, like he was looking for Emile’s permission.

Emile bowled his next turn and grinned as he knocked down five of the other six pins before he said, “Rem, you don’t have to ask my permission to do something like that. You have your own bank account, and so long as you can make rent, and tell me when you need the car to go shopping, I won’t stop you.”

“Yeah, but...I do want your opinion,” Remy said.

Emile ran a hand through his hair. “It could work, yeah,” he said. “But you’d have to do it right, and you’d have to have thick skin. If someone mocks your self-expression and you don’t have the confidence to laugh it off, it could backfire.”

“Eh, not many people’s opinions matter to me,” Remy said. “Their opinions can hurt, yeah, but few of them matter to the point where I would stop.”

“I doubt any of our friends would mock you about your choice of self-expression, even jokingly,” Emile noted.

“Yeah. So, I guess I should do it?” Remy asked.

“If you think it will help, definitely,” Emile said. But he knew he had to mention the obvious, and he knew Remy wouldn’t like it. “I will warn you, Rem, that you sometimes have a tendency to pick...more feminine cuts and styles, even if it’s from the men’s section. And that can gather...unwanted attention. Some people can and will accuse you of being gay, and when I say accuse, I do mean accuse. They won’t be kind.”

Remy bit his lip and looked away. “I know,” he said, almost under his breath. “I just like looking pretty, you know? There are days where being handsome is fine, but I prefer being pretty some days too. And I have plenty of clothes that can make me look handsome, but not many that make me feel pretty. And on the days where I want to feel pretty...well...I could definitely use the ego boost, you know? Because...well, you’ve seen my self-esteem issues for yourself.”

“Yeah,” Emile sighed. “But if you want to use self-expression in your clothing, by all means, do so. I’d love to see you look more confident on the days you prefer pretty over handsome.”

Remy offered Emile a shy smile. “You know, you might be the only person to have ever said that to me,” he said softly. “I never told Toby about that, granted, but I doubt he would have understood quite as much as you do.”

Emile just nodded and kept quiet about his suspicions that Remy could actually be transgender, or at the very least gender non-conforming. Then there was...nonbinary, which Emile was still trying to wrap his head around. But he knew Remy wouldn’t appreciate that sort of speculation. It wasn’t that he was against trans people, but he was pretty vehemently against the idea that he was trans. He was firmly of the opinion that he was just a man who hated gender roles, and so long as that opinion wasn’t hurting him, Emile wouldn’t try and press. No matter how much he thought that Remy might just be so deep in the closet he himself didn’t know that was where he was.

Besides, this was supposed to be a date night, light-hearted and fun and teasing each other about their respective bowling skills. No need to be so serious all the time.

Remy went to pick up a ball and Emile grinned wickedly, lightly smacking Remy’s butt, causing him to yelp. “Hey! No! Uh-uh!” Remy said, rounding on Emile. His cheeks were bright red but he was laughing. “Hands off the merchandise until we’re home!”

“And when we’re home?” Emile asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Well, we established boundaries for a reason,” Remy said.

Emile shrugged. “We have yet to have...the big discussion,” he said.

Remy flushed. “Well, I need to figure out...what I might like, still,” he admitted. “In terms of you, specifically. And of course, some of that is going to come from experience, but I need to figure out what’s definitely off-limits. And we have boundaries for where neither of us are willing to go yet, at least not without very good reason. I just...need time.”

“Hey, I’m willing to give you time,” Emile said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’ll give you all the time you need. But I will ask from time to time, because we both know that you forget to tell me your when your comfort level changes sometimes.”

“Yeah, I can respect that,” Remy said. “But if you want to touch my butt, do it at home.”

“All right, all right,” Emile said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“‘Sides,” Remy said with a mischievous grin, whispering into Emile’s ear. “If we do it at home that means I can make all the innuendos I want without worrying about kids running up and asking us what the stuff they overheard was about.”

Emile cackled, clapping a hand over his mouth as he shook. “You’re terrible!” Emile exclaimed.

Remy just winked and went to pick up his bowling ball again. “Ah, but that’s what you love about me, mio amore!” he exclaimed as he went to bowl again.

Emile shook his head as Remy knocked down most of his next set of pins in one shot. This was the man he was in love with. A ridiculous, disastrous mess of a man who loved making jokes about any and everything but was very shy when actual feelings became involved. And he had a heart of gold that just needed to be protected fiercely, because it wasn’t fragile, but it could be damaged if you just stampeded recklessly around. Emile thought about it, and thought back to Remy’s talk about how he viewed soulmates, and he was inclined to agree. If there was such a thing as soulmates, then he could believe that Remy was his soulmate.

[pbandjesse]

Am I dealing with my feelings? No. Do I feel alright right now? Yes. Am I feeling guilty about that? Also yes. I swear I am going through the entire 5 stages of grief over and over again. Honestly its exhausting. 

I slept okay last night but I cried a lot after I got my post done. I was pretty hysterical at points. I don't even know when I fell asleep but it was well after midnight. 

I woke up and felt weird. My eyes weren't as swollen but I was just so tired. I felt cute at least. My hair dried really nice and I love my dress. I put on eyeliner to try to feel more awake. It did not work. 

I didn't know what to have for breakfast. We didn't have any soda so I had no caffeine. Which didn't help with my very sleepy feelings. I had the chips and cheese I got from chipotle for a weird brunch. 

I worked on catching up with the styling clients I had. I had almost a dozen and I just felt like. Overwhelmed. So I emailed Emily. I told her what was happening and she was very apologetic and said if I wanted to give all my clients away this month I could but I told her to let me have some distraction at least. And I worked on them for a few hours and while it was a struggle to keep my eyes open, I got a lot done and was proud of my speed. 

But my eyes were like really struggling. I thought about a nap but then I decided I needed to get out. I had to go buy some stuff to supplement my camp site so I packed up my little bag and got ready to leave. 

I had a nice drive. I had to put on music instead of a podcast to wake up. Singing along always helps me. I decided to go to the thrift store. 

It was a little warm in there. And weird seeing so many people not wearing masks inside. But they gave me space so that was good. 

I had a great haul honestly. I even found a perfect Christmas gift for James's parents and was super excited about that. I got another rug, some fabric, a pretty table cloth we can use as a picnic blanket. Some paper, a kettle, a cup. Three dresses, two pairs of camp shoes (clog crocs and a toms style leather slip on). And a new blanket that will be just for camping. It was an excellent haul and I earned a new coupon. Love when that happens. 

I was very overheated in the store though. Just not comfy. I had choked on my gum earlier in the day and my throat was feeling weird from that and I needed something to drink. So I went to Five Guys for lunch. 

It was good. But man was it hot out today. I couldn't cool off in the ac because the sun was beating on me so bad. But it would get better. 

I went to the other shopping center across the street and went to the dollar store. I got a few things for art camp. Alexi's daughter asked if we could have a mini art class for her on Wednesdays and so I told Heather I could have a mini art camp with 3 campers. And she said it would be EXTREME Art camp, like the extreme tipis program. Right now I have Alexi's older daughter, and Lauren from ropes. It will take place between pick up and dinner on Wednesdays. Love it. 

I went to the grocery store after that. Got some more drink mixes to make the water more interesting at camp. And some shelf stable soup and a rice side. I needed to go home though. I walked around the grocery store like 3 times because I couldn't find anything and I was tired and annoyed. 

I had a nice drive back though. I had switched to a podcast and when I got home I saw someone was throwing a bike away. I went inside to tell James but it was gone really fast. Felt a little bad that I hadn't try to grab it first. But James isn't like upset. I still felt bad. 

I would work on some packing up of things I need to bring. Takig off labels of things I got. Trying on the dresses. The one is from Free People and had very silly ties but its so nice and I like it for the summer. One is a pool coverup and I wish it was a little looser but is still good. And the last one is weirdly low cut but will be a good layering dress and is very soft. So I won. 

I realized that the one fabric I got was almost 10 yards of uncut vintage fabric and I love it so much? I want to use it to make a proper quilt. Not one of my weird cut mini pieces ones. Maybe that can be a project I work on soon. Or at least start. Since I have that huge picnic table at camp it would be easier to lay out, that's for sure. 

Once everything was put away I was very hot and uncomfortable. I laid down. James came and fixed the fan for me so I would be more cool. And I would fall asleep for a few hours. 

I woke up in a panic because my phone was vibrating on me. But it was alright. I was okay. Just slightly distressed. 

James ordered us dinner and walked to pick it up. I styled one more person. And was done when they got back. We watched a video together and made plans for tomorrow. Were going to have a date day.Which I both am dreading and looking forward too. 

The dread is because I feel so tired. And because of the heat. But also like I logically know that is me being exhausted now. I want to go to the farmers market and the harbor with my James. I love my James! I love spending time with my James. And then I will be away from them for another week and I want to make sure we have that time together before then. 

So I have to hope for good sleep. And that the grief I am feeling isn't so strong. I took a bath and it helped with my overheated feelings. I used my new banana lotion. I smell like a fruit salad. And now we are in the air conditioning and I feel a little better. Physically at least. 

I got back to camp tomorrow. Send me luck. Because I am going to have 300 kids this week. 

Goodnight everybody. 

[chimtaera]

imagine model namjoon.

ok let’s not kid ourselves

boy’s already a model

he’s got the body.

got the looks.

what can i say, he’s no super model (too clumsy), but he get’s around with the more diverse castings yanno

probably got started on instagram,

with his #kimdaily outfits

which are sometimes just chill, pretty, sporty, casual, cool

and other times completely wacky and just ??? how did you even think to wear those ??? at the same time?? together ???

he always looks good tho

but some looks will give you whiplash. ur warned.

but that’s part of his appeal tbh

hhhh probably gains a lot of popularity when one of those more ‘out there’ outfits circulates on twitter or reddit and people are like “hOW does he make that work??? why does it look good??? is he just that hot??”

the answer is yes.

from there he builds a solid following.

for his great looks, great fashion sense, and his 4am instagram stories that are just a black pic with like a three paragraph text about how rain might feel if it had feelings.

also, solid music recommendations omg 

you probably make ur own spotify playlist with just his recommendations.

ok ok so you best bELIEVE when this boy finally gets cast for a show he’s gonna fall on his ass and go viral

claim to fame baby

probably becomes a meme and rolls with it tbh

like he’ll share the memes in his story, so as not to ruin the ・ﾟ:*aesthetic*:・ﾟand react to them and shit

but then also get on live and talk at length about how faceplanting on the catwalk impacts your self-esteem, how he’s habit he could benefit positively from such an embarrassing moment, and how there’s a lesson for everyone here, and that he hopes all our embarrassing moments may in some way benefit us one day.

he’s such a sweetheart im-

so you might be a stylist?

a hair stylist?

makeup artist?

fellow model?

whatever you’re comfortable with.

you definitely see him on instagram first tho

you came for the memes but are super impressed with his profile and end up staying for the music.

...... and him.

he’s hot, come on.

also 90% of networking is done on instagram these days let us be real.

okay so oNE DAY, or like late evening, who cares

he post a music recommendation and you’re like !!!!!!!!

it’s that low key indie band with like only one EP out that you found on some obscure spotify playlist and you’ve been jamming to since october

and apparently namjoon has too because they’ve released a new single and you didn’t even know ????

and you’re so excited your fingers slip and oopsie you’ve sent a short but rambling message explaining exactly that into his DM’s

instant regret.

then the anxiety bubbles up in you.

and then you calm yourself and convince yourself that he gets a LOT of messages he probably won’t even see yours, so it’s fine it’s fine it’s-

next morning you have a reply

a new follow

and a mcfUCKING LIKE ON A PICTURE OF YOU FROM TWO WEEKS AGO

yikes, you didn’t even have time to give your feed a spring cleaning

you just like his short “ikr!!!!”, too mortified to reply.

alas, the regrets!

but also

the butterflies.

then you see him at an event one time.

it’s fashion week, you’re hecking busy and about to leave because it’s like midnight and you’ve got places to be tomorrow

but it’s always so strange to see people from insta irl like ??? all those dimensions??? you really be lookign like that ??? damn.

once you’ve stared long enough to be certain that’s actually what he looks like (so handome!!! so tall!!!! wtf!!!! who allowed this??) you turn to leave just as he glances up and cetches your eye for like the tiniest fraction of a second

and you hightail it outta there and hope to heaven he doesn’t know you were staring.

but he likes your pic from the party the next morning and you almost choke on your coffee and the lump in your throat stays there all day

and you’re like, am i?? catching feelings ??? for the catwalk faceplant guy??? you’ve never even talked to the man smh

he’s fucking hot tho.

so, fashion week ends and with it comes another party

you can finally relax, celebrate, wind down from the long week.

yA THOUGHT lmao

you’re talking to some designer about their next project and they’re going on about this instagram dude who’s already on board when they start waving someone over like “hey hey, there he is, y/n have you met kim namjoon yet?”

you turn around you’re like !!!!! fuck. he’s so much taller up close.

“hey, no, yeah, no, but i’ve seen you on, uh, on instagram. i think.” smooth, y/n.

after introductions, the designer gets pulled along into some other conversation and you and namjoon are kinda awkward for a minute.

you just sip your drink like ‘fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck aaaaaaa’

but then he asks you easy questions about what you do and what you’ve been working on this week and it’s the same thing you’ve been talking about with everyone you’ve met this week so it goes pretty smoothly

he makes it easy for you, like he’s very attentive, nods along enthusiastically asking follow-up questions and seems genuinely interested in your work it’s so nice! he’s so nice!

and you ask him the same things you’ve asked everyone else this week like you haven’t seen everything on his instagram already.

actually you’ve missed a few things since you’ve been so busy and your interest is genuine, before you know it the two of you are at a table and getting along like a house on fire, showing each other pics from the week.

he asks you send him a pic from one of the shows he didn’t get to see and when he do he’s sees your old messages and is like ?? oh !!

i mean, he totally knew it was you, but he had forgotten the part about that obscure indie band and the new single, so he shows you!

you’ve been following them even closer since then so you know they’re playing a gig in like two weeks and you tell him.

turns out he’s missed this info because of fashion week and he’s super excited!! you guys have to go together!!!¨

“i mean, we don’t have to- it’s just, i don’t know anyone else who listens to them, i could probably go alone, but, you know, it would be cool-”

and of course you’ll go with him, so you two exchange numbers and end up texting the next two weeks.

at first you’re just making tentative plans to meet and go to to the gig, but then there’s a gallery opening the same day, and you know this realy good thrift shop nearby that he should check out, and you guys should get dinner before because namjoon knows this really cool place and-

and it’s a date.

namjoon has every intention to kiss you that night after the gig, but he wants to ask you first and he’s not sure exactly how so he’s just like “um ??? can i ??? uhhh ?? do you ??? uh”

and ur like, “hey, namjoon, i really want u to kiss me, please?”

the rest is history.

you two are too cute, with your instagram aesthetic and lowkey couple outfits, and highkey couple pics, i’d follow.

you two would be gOALS, and it does wonders for both your careers tbh

omg imagine all the cool collaborations you two could do.

and eventually namjoon would go viral again when the paparazzi captures him spilling his coffee and your cute reaction.

but the best thing about dating model namjoon is he makes you your very own playlist.

and you get your very own story highlight with all the aesthetic pics he snaps of you just like buying milk and stealing his fries, and exploring the city on sundays afternoons, going vintage shopping and reading in the park, titled: “bae.” with every colour heart.

hyping each other in the comments always.

and the thirst omg

anyway, nsfw under the cut.

so you take it kinda slow at first because turns out namjoon has a huge crush on you and he lowkey can’t keep his hands off you but also wants to “date you properly”, whatever that means.

props to you if you get impatient with him and tease him a little, a thirst trap here, a netflix and chill there, sending a sexy song his way, or even better post it on your story for him to see.

if it doesn’t provoke him to action it’ll at least get him hard flustered, which is cute.

in the end joon is a soft boy and you can sit up all night talking, so you end up talking about sex long before having it.

and that just makes it all the more special tbh

and when it does happen, it’s like everything else the two of you do, a little awkward at first, a little clumsy, fumbly, but a lot of fun, and it’s namjoon, and you love namjoon. so, so much.

like it doesn’t matter if he accidentally bumps your nose, because he’ll apologise and the two of you will just giggle and continue. 

and he might pull your hair on accident, but that way you can admit to him that it’s.. kinda hot.

and when your teeth collide when you kiss it’s only because any amount of distance between you quickly becomes unbearable, and you both need each other so, so much.

imagine slow, lazy sunday morning snuggle fuck with namjoon.

and then later when you’re on a blanket in the park reading both your books he’ll get distracted, thinking about it, lean in close and tell you something ridiculous like he wishes you would wake him up by sitting on his face.

and imagine backstage heavy petting after a show, leaving the afterparty early, because you’re both buzzing with unrelieved tension and namjoon is very hard in his pants, pressing himself against you as you try to have a polite conversation with some influencer.

love, love, loooooves, watching you ride.

and he’ll go down on you for hours if you let him, honestly.

anytime, anywhere tbh

how did you get so lucky?

[peterspideyy]

chapter 7 - partners in crime

series masterlist

————

your date with tom (well, it wasn’t really a date. just two friends who love each other more than friends, hanging out while acting like a couple. so, not a date, right?) was going...surprisingly nice. it’s been great spending time with tom, but actually not talking about work was a nice change. different. but, a good different.

laughter and chatter was all you could hear, as the smell of freshly made coffee filled your nostrils. tom took you to a cute and small shop on a random street in new york, which was filled with different collectibles, probably passed down for generations. in the shop, was a cafe, so of course you spent a while there.

“honestly, the amount of coffee i’m drinking this month, is crazy.” you laughed, while tom nodded, agreeing with you.

“well, at least our energy will be good.” tom smiled, but you noticed how for a slight second in his eyes, he zoned out.

“tom,” you spoke softly, bringing him out of his thoughts, “what’s on your mind?”

tom sighed, “do you remember when i told you about, my d-dad?”

you nodded, waiting for him to continue. when tom was younger, his dad worked for the fbi, which is quite ironic. he worked in the same department, that we work in now. he was a special agent, with carson. but, one time, he was undercover, and while his team where listening in over comms, it cut off. they couldn’t hear him. they couldn’t track him. he just...went. they didn’t find anything, to prove he was dead. they found, nothing. tom was heartbroken. even at a young age. so, he followed his dad’s footsteps, and became an agent himself.

“well, today is the day he, you know, went missing.” he gulped, as sorrow swallowed him.

“oh my god, tom. i-i didn’t realise, i’m sorry.”

“no. it’s okay, i never told you to exact date. i wanted to go out though, to try and take my mind off it, you know. but, i just can’t help it you know. when he went missing, we looked for months and found nothing. people say he’s dead, but i just have a feeling that he isn’t.”

you placed your hand on top of his, “tom, if john was here i don’t think he would want you beating yourself up on what you could of done to find him, okay? he would want you to live your life.”

“y/n,” tom whispered, “i have a feeling that he’s in new york.”

your eyes went wide, “that’s just a feeling tom. you don’t know if it’s true.”

“i know, but i feel like i’m being watched all the time, and i can’t help but think, could it be him?”

you were about to responded, but a waiter came over to pour us both more coffee, before walking away after we said thank you.

“tom, listen to me. after the case, if it will help ease your mind, we can look for him. see if he’s in new york. you’ve probably done it before, but maybe i could help? i’m sorry if i’m overstepping-“

“no, i-i would like you to help. it’ll be good for a new set of eyes.”

you smiled, looking away from tom’s adoring gaze. you just wanted these weeks to be over, so you can officially be with him.

“shall we go shopping now?” tom asked, making you laugh.

“you hate shopping.”

“for you darling, i’ll love it.” tom grinned, making you swoon. walking around the small, yet homely, shop you were currently in, you admired the variety of objects. everything you could think off, was there. it was almost as you were thrifting, but not for clothes.

you picked up a necklace, studying the variety of sparkly gems in the rose gold chain. you noticed that there was a little charm, in a shape of a heart with your initial on it. you thought it was a coincidence, put saw a stack of them, with different letters on.

“found anything?” tom mumbled, walking up beside you.

you showed him the necklace, which made him smile slightly. he took it off you,

un-clipping the chain before looking at you. he moved your hair gently out of the way, as you turned around with your back against his chest. you hissed slightly, as the cold metal met your skin, but soon felt warmth overcome you, once you felt tom’s fingers graze the back of your neck, as he was tying the necklace once again. you blushed, turning back around, to come face to face with tom.

“it suits you really well.” tom grinned, looking down at your lips for a second before bringing his gaze up to your eyes, again.

“he’s not wrong there,” a man said (obviously the shop owner) while you laughed saying thank you, “are you thinking of buying it?”

you shook your head, “no.”

“nonsense, i’ll get it for you.” tom spoke, already handing the man money.

“tom. it’s fine.”

“no. i want to buy it for you, because you deserve it, okay?”

giggling you replied with an ‘okay.’

“you two make a lovely couple.” the man said, while you and tom looked at each other smiling.

“we do, don’t we?” tom whispered, so only you could hear. you glanced at him, admiring his features, while he did the same. a slight cough, from the man, interrupted you both, as you looked away quickly.

“have a lovely day.” the man spoke, handing tom the necklace. you both said your thanks, before leaving.

“wait, let me put this on you.” tom spoke, once you got out of the shop. once again, you moved your hair while tom clipped the necklace into place. your breath hitched, once you felt tom’s lips against your bare shoulder, before you turned around with a wide smile.

“i can’t wait for this to be over, you know?” tom spoke, as you both walked down the busy streets of new york. people around you, where walking quickly, speaking loudly on the phone or to the person next to them. but, you and tom weren’t in any rush. so, just casually strolling down the street, was just fine for you both.

you nodded, looking at your feet, “me too. but, do you not think we’ve jumped too far into the deep end, too quickly?”

tom frowned slightly, glancing at you, before looking at his feet as well, “well, us arguing all the time, after we broke up just kind of proved how much we missed each other. you have to admit, even when not together, there was always an unspoken feeling. a spark.”

“i guess your right. i just,” you stopped abruptly, “i don’t want our second time, to end up as our first time.”

tom stopped in front of you, “i totally get that, y/n-“

“no,” you interrupted, “you mean too much to me. i don’t want it to be ruined. what we have, is so special. i don’t want it to fall apart.”

“it won’t fall apart. because, this time, you know for definite how i will never cheat on you.”

“what about actually starting a life together? what if, in another 5 years time, we aren’t living fully?”

tom’s breath hitched at your words. he still hasn’t told you, how he did propose, but you didn’t see it. he looked at his feet again, as he felt the velvet box in his jacket. he’s never got rid of it. and he’s always kept hold of it. he doesn’t know why. he just feels attached to it. and he hoped that he will be able to use it. and for you to actually see it. but, it’s not the right time. yet.

“come on. let’s go back to the apartment, yeah?”

you gave him a puzzled look, as he ignored your questions, but you soon brushed it off as you drove back to your shared apartment.

arriving back at the apartment, tom poured you both a glass of water, while you checked the footage from today, to see if you missed anything. even though this was your day off, the red dragons will still be working. you both watched in silence, only the gulps from drinking and the voices from the monitor, filling your ears.

“do you really trust the kingston’s?” a man asked keith. you and tom shot your head up, at the sound of your ‘names’.

“what time was this at?” tom asked.

“it’s live.” you replied, after looking at the time and date in the top corner.

“what do you mean?” keith asked, placing bullets in his gun.

“do you think it’s strange that they came in as soon as you asked a question? just seems as they were waiting.”

your eyes went wide, as did tom’s. could this be how your cover gets blown?

“well, if your so scared, why don’t we bring them in?”

before you could comprehend what he said, you phone beeped. you looked at tom, who was waiting to see the text.

unknown

come to the warehouse now. we need to chat.

you showed tom, as you both got ready, making sure to hide your badge super well, so your cover won’t get blown. you stopped, as you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. pulling it out, your breath hitched at what it read.

unknown

don’t bring the husband.

you gulped, showing tom. you watched how his face fell at the words. panic grew in his eyes, as he looked at you. he knew you could look after yourself, but he would rather be there. these people were unpredictable as well as dangerous, and if our cover is blown, he has no idea what will happen. one wrong move could be fatal. for you both.

“y/n-“

you shushed him, placing your gun in the back pocket, “i’ve been undercover on my own before. i know what to do.”

“i know. but, not with people this dangerous.”

“we haven’t got time to argue. i’m going in.”

tom sighed, shaking slightly as he tried not to think of the worst possible scenario, “o-okay, erm, here put this on.”

he gave you a small ear piece. you rolled your eyes, placing it in your ear, as tom spoke ‘testing’ into the microphone. you gave him a thumbs up, making tom grin slightly. walking over to him, you stood on your toes, and kissed tom’s cheek softly, to calm his nerves, as well as your own.

“if you feel uncomfortable or feel like something is going to happen, say the phrase, ‘the weather is nice today’, and the whole force will come through the door, okay?”

you placed a hand on his chest, nodding, “okay.”

“i don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” tom whispered, making your heart ache. bringing your fingers to chin, you moved his head to meet your eyes.

“i’ll be fine tom. i promise. i’ll be in and out.”

tom nodded, still unsure about if he should follow or not. but, before he could think about it even more, you already left, walking across the street to the warehouse. tom watched carefully, on the computer screen, your every movement.

“so much for a day off.” you mumbled, so only tom could hear. you heard tom stifle a laugh, before agreeing with you.

knocking on the door, you looked up at the cctv camera where you knew tom was watching. the door swung open, to reveal keith, with a cigarette in his mouth as per usual.

“ahhh, amelia. husband isn’t here is he?” keith asked, blowing smoke right in your face. you didn’t flinch though, just shrugged.

“you told me not to bring him. so i didn’t.”

keith nodded, waving his hand in the air, probably signalling someone. you guess was right, as two men appeared, with no emotion in their faces.

“come in.”

as you walked in, a loud squeak was heard in your earpiece. trying to ignore the noise, you followed keith.

meanwhile, tom couldn’t hear you. he couldn’t see where you were. somehow, all signals from inside the red dragons den, was stopped. you were on radio silence. and tom didn’t know what to do. his mind went to when his dad went missing. this is exactly what happened with him.

tom sat down. he couldn’t think straight. his mind was racing. are you dead? are you missing? he couldn’t breath. he’s empty without you. even though, it’s took a long time for him to realise.

“shit.” tom muttered, realisation hitting him like a train.

is this the end?

————

a/n- thanks for reading chapter 7! i can’t believe there’s only three chapters left :( have you been enjoying it?

————

taglist-

@parkersbliss @dreamofaprilsblog

@deathofmissjackson @averyfosterthoughts

@jannine00742

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[im-not-shouting-im-projecting]

Some Seamster!Quinn Cooper HCs

I didnt intend for this to be this long, but my seamstress heart was inspired. I got kind of carried away, and had to refocus, so I'm going to do another post soon with some advice and anecdotes for wrighting costumers.

For the last couple of months I have been absolutely Obsessed with @poindextears 's Crickets, her SMH post-Waffle Frog OCs, and I have had a lot of headcannons about Quinn Cooper: a theatre kid extrordanare and Hoh icon who talks like he's from 50s and is the boyfreind of Nando (Cricket dman) as we have quite a bit in common. All of Mel's fics are amazing, and I would highly recommend! Give them a read on tumblr or AO3

--

I know Mel has said that Quinn's favorite place is Joanne's, which is completely understandable for someone who doesn't live near actual textile markets... but Joanne's (and similar chain craft/fiberarts supply stores) suck.

Like first of all, on a monetary level... I'm going to start with the assumption that high school Quinn didn't have a large project budget (reasoning: 1. his family is already tight with money, 2. I can't imagine his not-particularly-supportive guardians gave him lots of spending money (esp with theatre fees and materials) 3. I can't imagine he brought in tons of money on the side with a theatre schedule + grades good enough to go to med school + time with his old lady freind + time for sewing)

With that being said: Fabric is expensive. Way more expensive than people expect. Especially if you don't have expensive machinery (like overlock machines) that make cheap synthetic fabrics usable. Also I like to imagine Quinn is in the "fabrics made of plastic are itchy and bad for the enviornment" club like me.

All that is to say: Joanne's is absolutely the worst place that isn't actively upscale to buy fabric (or materials) on a budget.

- The shop's target demographic is stay-at-home white suburban moms who have the time to clip coupons, buy materials on a "when it's on sale" basis as opposed to a "my sister didn't notice the four seperate places I marked my shears 'fabric only' so now I physically cannot continue this project without buying new extra-sharp fabric scissors'" basis, and importantly: can stop by the store every day for a month because discounted items change on a day to day basis, all of which is not particularly conducive to someone a high school kids on a budget.

- Even with all the discounts in existance, the fabrics there are still super expensive and especially for the often lackluster quality (like... they are fine but if I'm paying literally $40/y for enough faux fur to make a big enough "mane" to cover the gap between the cowardly lion's padding and the actor's neck, we shouldnt have to sweep the fur bits off the stage at intermission)

- Additionally if you need a lot of fabric, say enough 7ft squares of heavy mustard yellow fabric for 30 lioness cape/pants? You might just need to run 4 seperate Joanne's out of two different fabrics that were close enough to each other to work

If you are putting in the time and effort to make something complicated,

- Also, and this is probably the most obvious: there just aren't that many options. If you want anything other than a cotton or fleece, than you better hope the single shade they have in the right color works

So I have established: Joanne's = Bad

So how does Quinn factor into all this?

Well first of all I would like to imagine that at some point Quinn helped out in SMH costuming, where they teach him the magic of using something that already exists. Samwell being as liberal as it is, I would like to think that the costuming people are aware of how awful the current state of fabric waste is, and, how his sewing skills are so much better used altering things at thrift shops beginning his journey twords my completeley basess headcannon that he one day adopts some vintage looks

While I think he would be down to adopt some of these practices in his costuming (a la my personal anectode below), I have a feeling that Quinn is one of those people who just likes to make things from scratch. (reasoning: 1 his general personality, but far more importantly, 2 THIS BOY WANTED TO MAKE EVAN HANSEN'S POLO BY HAND, WHY??? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE??? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THAT TAKES???????? YOU ARE WILLING TO SPEND UPWORDS OF TEN HOURS OF YOUR LIFE ON A MODERN STYLE SHIRT THATS GOING TO BE SEEN 4 TIMES???)

I get it, especially for historical reconstructions, there are people who genuinely love sewing by hand, I love Bernadette Banner as much as the next seamstress, but I honestly don't know how they do it.

I like to think that Quinn would be wandering around some thrift store and out of the corner of his eye notice some curtains and have a vision of frolicking through a meadow like Julie Andrews in cloths made out of a curtain... metaphorically. But he def gets "Do a Dear" stuck in his head every time he wears it

Of course the SMH Costuming crew introduce him to some better places to at least get draping and mock up fabrics, but I think they would also introduce him to an actual fabric store.

Samwell is close enough to Boston that I'm sure there's an actual fabric warehouse within driving distance, so when Quinn can't find a suitable material at his beloved Joanne's, and is understandably skeptical about ordering fabric online, Ford is just like dude, go to the fabric warehouse, so he gives it a try.

Ok his fist thought when he gets there is omg everything is so big. Ok, that's his second thought, his first thought is ugh this smells like the SMH locker room, bc a giant block of concrete with no internal climate control in the New England humidity stuffed to the brim with moisture-holding fabric is def gonna make some kind of funk.

But after that like...

Ok, on the left is your average Joanne's while on the right is your average fabric warehouse

I can totally imagine him physically getting lost. He is tiny, and those places are total mazes, absolutely ginormus, they are all stacked literally 8 feet tall, and all the rows look the same.

Fabric in warehouses is stored for maximum capacity as opposed to places like Joanne's where it is purposely stored in ways that display the whole selection at once. Additionally, while hobbyist bolts face out as much as possible so you can see it at a glance, professional grade bolts face in for protection

...If it's on the shelves at all, the hallmark of a textile warehouse is just dozens of bolts leaning haphazardly in precarious places

This tiny boy is just absolutely surrounded by rows upon rows of fabric, stored in ways that are absolutely not conducive to being looked at easily, and is incredibly frusturated bc Aggghhh I can't look at any of this without moving all of it around, and I can't reach any of it!!!

BUT!

Guess what he has?

Nando to the rescue!

Quinn's big strong dman boyfriend is more than willing to move around and carry the bolts for him and when need be he'll just straight up plop Quinn on his shoulders so he can see the stuff at the top :)

Ok, that's the gist of what I had to say, some other little seamster!Quinn hcs:

his old lady friend taught him the absolute basics, and his wedding gift from her is her 70 year old sewing machine that he first learned to sew on and he treasures that thing FOREVER

bc of his apparent love of hand sewing he is one of those people that swears by genuine leather thimbles, idk why it just feels like him

whenever people compliment his outfit he is just casually like "Oh thanks, I made it" (bc non sewers are always astounded by that and we get to gloat) because I said so

he makes Nando cute crop tops

[olaf-likeswarmhugs]

Getting Sparkly || Soft

Summary: Sindri and Olaf prepare for the Pink Moon Dance (April y’all whoops) and once again prod at the wiggly lines of their relationship. 

@huldufolk-hjarn

SINDRI:

Sindri was ready to be sparkly. 

He’d been trying to tone it down over the last few days, but he was actually very excited about the Pink Moon Dance. (It was Snowshoe Moon back home and all the rabbits were going to be coming out to play, but he was sure they had rabbits here too, so he wouldn’t miss them too much.) In his excitement he’d gone to the store and bought a lot of make-up. All sorts of things too. It was amazing what kinds of things humans thought of, honestly. He’d even seen color-changing lipstick, but he’d skipped that one in favor of some shiny, sparkly lip gloss that smelled like strawberries. 

Sindri had mentioned to Olaf in passing that he’d planned on going to the dance and Olaf had, of course, said he wanted to go too and Sindri was totally fine. He wasn’t freaking out one bit leading up to this whole thing. 

Until right now, when he was gathering up all his make-up and heading to the living room where Olaf would be sitting on the couch, probably playing a cute game on his phone. Sindri’s heart did a little skid in his chest as he thought about the fact that the last time he and Olaf had planned on going to a dance “together” (not that they were going “together” but they were going together and that was similar and Sindri was just freaking out a little bit okay) they had sex instead. 

The crux of the problem was this: Sindri still hadn’t completely confronted his feelings about Olaf. Frost, he wasn’t even sure exactly what they were or if they were wrong or whatever. Feelings were just so hard and, yeah, he liked Olaf, but he didn’t need Olaf to “like” him back or whatever. Or maybe he did and he was telling himself he didn’t? Or maybe he was just a horrible friend and he should be shoved into the path of an avalanche and get crushed by snow. 

“Hi, Olaf,” he said brightly as he walked into the room and put all his stuff on the table. Olaf looked so happy and warm today, curled up on the couch with a little smile on his face. It made Sindri feel all gooey just looking at him. “So I got us a bunch of stuff that has sparkles in it and these little flower pins we can put in our hair. I thought it would be fun if we got ready together. If you want to. We don’t have to. I can let you keep playing your game. I know you’re trying to get to the next level and stuff.” 

OLAF: Actually, Olaf wasn’t playing his game. He’d gotten to the next level and reaching markers like that should be enjoyed for a while instead of rushed through. So he put it away with that feeling of accomplishment in his chest, and now he was….downloading new emojis.

Heh. He just loved emojis! They were like stickers, which were also so cute and interesting, but you could carry an infinite amount of them on your phone! They dressed up any text to make it kinder, or sillier, or sometimes just prettier. So Olaf was trying to find as many emoji packs as he could and was teaching himself how to get them installed. It wasn’t so hard after the first pack. Mostly his phone walked him through the steps, which was very considerate. No wonder they called these phones smart. 

Honestly, he’d kind of forgotten about Pink Moon that night. But only in the moment! He would have remembered after he stopped focusing on the emojis, really. Olaf just loved his projects and got caught up in them.

As soon as Sindri mentioned it though, he tore his eyes away from his phone and smiled even wider than he had been at the cute flower pack he just downloaded. 

“What? Of course we have to get ready together! We always do!” Sindri said and he put his phone on the table, bouncing up onto his knees on the couch. 

The exception to that rule of course was that one time they’d been dating, and for some reason they weren’t supposed to get ready together because Sindri had to pick Olaf up or something--

It had been stupid. Olaf was happy to return to normal, when getting ready for Full Moon Dances was half the fun. 

He leaned over to look at all the human sparkly kits. “Oooooh, these are so different from our own,” Olaf said in observation. He picked up a light pink lip gloss. “Frosted Strawberry. Ah, this must be made for you.” He smiled and uncapped it. “Should we do our hair first or our faces? Oh, do you already have your outfit, actually?” That would probably help them pick these colours too. 

SINDRI:

Sindri did have his outfit picked out actually. He was really proud of it too and he beamed, a spark igniting behind his eyes. “I do! I was trying to remind myself of home, you know, because it’s Snowshoe Moon back home and all the rabbits are going to be out and about with everyone helping them gather what they need, but it’s also Pink Moon and I had to be mindful of that too since we’re here and--wait, hold on!” 

Sindri scampered out of the living room toward their room and skidded to a halt in front of their closet. He’d been working on these outfits for a while, scouring thrift shops and stuff all over until he found exactly what he needed. And he wasn’t a sewing talent, so some of the patches and stuff were a little crooked and bits of thread poked out at the shoulder of Olaf’s shirt which made it look a little frazzled, but Sindri held the silky pink cloth in his hands like he was holding a baby bird. He hoped Olaf liked it. 

When he was back in the living room, he shoved Olaf’s outfit under his arm and held up his own. It was a flowing pink blouse, long enough to fall near his knees and he’d painstakingly sewed little rabbit patches in various places. He also glued sequins onto it which probably wouldn’t last long, but they only needed to last for a night. “This one is mine and then I did one for you too. I don’t know if--well, it’s not perfect because I sort of made a mess with some of the thread and then your sequins were being a little difficult but--” 

Sindri held up Olaf’s shirt, almost identical to his except where Sindri had little rabbit patches, Olaf had hearts and flowers and things that looked like the stickers he enjoyed collecting. 

“Do you like it?”

OLAF:

Sindri already had their outfits? 

Olaf blinked and sat up straighter on the couch as Sindri disappeared. He expected the both of them to go to the Hollow to see what sorts of things they still had available-- nothing custom, because they both decided to go to Pink Moon much too late to ask that of the sewing-talents. 

At least, that’s what Olaf thought.

But Sindri came out with two tunics draped over his arms, things he customized himself. Which meant that Sindri had been thinking about Pink Moon before he’d asked Olaf if he might like to go. Which meant he’d worked on these when Olaf was probably at work as a surprise. 

But why wouldn’t he tell me?

For the first time, Olaf remembered their not-first-date years ago, and the memory hit like a dart. His throat constricted. This wasn’t one of those secret tricked-you-into-it-you-thought-it-was-a-friend-date-but-really-its-a-date-date date was it! 

And then all that panic, instead of snowballing, fell apart. Because of course it wasn’t. Sindri would never do that. Instead, this was a surprise, a kind thing that Sindri was doing for Olaf because they were friends and Sindri was a thoughtful person. Ah, how could he think the worst of his friend like that, even if it was just for a silly flit? Besides, look how lovely the outfits were and how proud Sindri was. 

Olaf smiled as his friend smiled. He brightened, one little watt at a time, until he was laughing and clapping as Sindri flourished the tunic he made for Olaf instead. 

“It’s perfect! Ah, Sindri, you’re almost as good as a sewing-talent yourself!” Olaf said as he popped up to take the tunic and whirl it around. He held it up to himself. “Oh, look at this little star on the sleeve, this one’s so cute.” He fiddled with the sleeve between his fingers then beamed up again at Sindri. “You should have told me though! I love sewing! We could have done them together.”

SINDRI:

This was where it got a little tricky because Sindri really did want to surprise Olaf. He didn’t know why he wanted to surprise Olaf. He’d even asked himself that question: Sindri, why do you want to surprise Olaf? The answer, in short, was because he wanted to make Olaf happy. 

Olaf looked happy right now and Sindri’s heart gave a little flutter because Olaf was so cute. But cute how? See, this was why Sindri avoided thinking about his feelings. He hated his feelings. They were so confusing. He was still the same Sindri and he still felt the same way about Olaf--he loved him--but then there was the whole question of how he loved him which was a stupid question. 

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. He was still smiling, though. “I guess I just wanted to cheer you up. Not that you were sad. It’s just, you get so excited when someone surprises you and I think it’s cute. You’re beaming, Olaf.” Sindri chuckled and poked him on his cheek. “If we turned off the light, you’d probably be literally glowing.” 

Sindri looked at Olaf for another second before abruptly turning toward his make-up box. “Okay, so I think it’s definitely time to get super sparkly.” He pulled out three kinds of body glitter and held them up. “What color do you want on your cheeks?”

 OLAF:

Olaf chuckled. And he blushed, a squirmy feeling that made him want to look away-- but thankfully, Sindri looked away first. As he did, Olaf relaxed and looked back down at the tunic in his hands. He rubbed his thumb over the patches, marveling at Sindri’s careful stitching. He wondered how long it had taken his friend. Sindri was actually pretty naturally crafty, even if he didn’t realize that about himself. It went along with being a frost-talent-- Sindri’s fingers nimble and intuitive and patient. An artist’s hands. 

He looked back up at the sound of Sindri’s voice again. He blinked. “Oh? Oh! Ermmmmm,” Olaf contemplated, tilting his head from one side to the other. He peered over the make-up box. 

“I think this rosy colour might be nice? And then we should do some sparkle on our cheekbones too.” Olaf mentioned. “If you have any little rhinestones? I dunno what Mundus make-up boxes have, icicles. These colours are all very nice at least.” He looked up at Sindri and once again tilted his head. “Hmm for you we should do something lighter-- or maybe silver. You look pretty in silver.” 

SINDRI: 

Sindri knew he was bright red. He could feel the heat in his cheeks and if he’d had glitter on already it might have melted off so it was good he didn’t. “Yeah, I guess,” he said, holding up the silver tin next to his face. “Probably because I’m so pale, huh? At least with glitter I’ll be a sparkly pale.” He laughed at himself, trying to stop his galloping heart before it got too out of control. 

He was nervous. 

He’d thought about this, obviously, because he thought things out. It’s who he was. But for some reason he’d neglected to think about how today might be one of the days he wanted to kiss his best friend right on his pretty heart shaped smile and maybe getting super close to him to help him do his make-up was a bad idea. “I don’t think there are rhinestones in here,” he said, turning away from Olaf again so he could dig in the bag. “That would’ve been really cool if there w--oh hey!” 

Sindri pulled out the little slip of plasticky paper that had little tiny jewels stuck to it. Body jewels, according to the package. “These will work, right? They are kind of small, but still shiny.” He plucked one off the sheet and leaned over to place it on the tip of Olaf’s nose before smiling. “Perfect,” he said, then giggled. 

OLAF: Olaf let out a tiny “oof!” in surprise at Sindri sticking the gem on his nose. His eyes went temporarily cross-eyed and then a laugh spilled from his mouth as he crinkled his nose.  And he reached without thinking much about it to take a gem from the sheet and stick it on Sindri’s nose as well. 

And this was nice. 

For a long time, there had been weight between himself and Sindri. It had nothing to do with him and Sindri though; it had to do with the whole world. In their Hollow, the melting made Sindri worry, made him panic, and then made him run away. In Swynlake, though he could study these problems, the problems didn’t go away, and there was always more bad news every day. His tests made Sindri sigh and run his hands through his hair out of stress. Their jobs at Pixie put blisters on their heels. Olaf didn’t know if the two of them were any happier here than they had been in the Hollow, if he were honest, and he thought about that a lot at night, when Sindri’s sadness kept him up (Olaf would never tell his friend that it did), so that it was like a second heartbeat in Olaf’s chest, like a bruise. 

But this? Right now? Sindri was happy. They hadn’t played like this, like fledglings, the way fairies should. And ah, it was the full moon! Life was beautiful today, and they should be a little in love with it, if Olaf was allowed to pretend that’s what love was. 

He was still laughing, laughing with Sindri, when he reached out again. “Okay, okay, stay still! We need to use these more strategically.” And Olaf very carefully peeled the little gem stone off his friends nose and gently placed it at the corner of his eye instead. “Ah, there we go,” murmured Olaf softly. He grinned. “I’m a genius!” 

SINDRI:

Sindri’s heart squeezed in his chest as Olaf leaned in closer to him--the affection he felt nearly overwhelming him and rendering him completely useless. This was nice. It was like back in the Hollow before everything became complicated and people tried to find meaning in everything they did. 

Sindri thought to himself that other people were kind of evil in that way. He knew that wasn’t fair and evil was kind of a strong word, but why did it matter if two friends were more comfortable when they were holding hands? Why did people have to pick it apart and make it weird? Why did Sindri feel like he had to explain his feelings to himself just to make everyone else happy?

None of it was really fair, so he pushed it all away. In this room, there was only him and Olaf, and he blinked a couple times before smiling bright and feeling very pretty, like a sparkly star. A question bubbled up in his chest and rose to his lips like the fizziest soda bottle in the world being popped open. He didn’t let himself think of all the weird strings and hidden meanings because right now was for them. 

Sindri beamed. “Do you think I could maybe kiss you? I just feel so pretty and warm and I think I want to kiss you.” 

OLAF:

Sindri asked to kiss him.

Olaf blinked. It was the first time since they’d talked about this-- Sindri, wanting to kiss him, that is. It had been a strange talk and for a few days after, Olaf had been quite nervous around Sindri, though he hadn’t let it show. But Sindri never asked to kiss him and so the conversation and Olaf’s nerves faded, until Olaf was certain it wasn’t something to worry about after all, and maybe Sindri changed his mind. 

But maybe not. Maybe-- it took a moment like this, full of laughter and sparkles and excitement for the Full Moon Dance to come. Like Sindri said, I just feel so pretty and warm and I think I want to kiss you.

Olaf could understand that. And you know, when he dated Sindri, all the best kisses came because of laughter-- or sometimes, the kisses made both of them laugh, and that was nice too.

Still, he hesitated because of that same worry fluttering in his stomach. He would like to kiss Sindri too. He would. He just worried about what was on the other side of that kiss--

He didn’t want to lead Sindri on.

He didn’t want to ruin their friendship.

He didn’t want to hurt Sindri. 

What if he said no and hurt Sindri anyway--? 

And then he felt his own talent, like a hand on the shoulder. Trust Sindri, it said. And yes, Sindri deserved his trust. When had Sindri ever lied to him?

So after that first second, Olaf smiled and he nodded. “Okay-- yes. I want you to kiss me too.” 

SINDRI:

He didn’t know it was possible, but when Olaf answered him his smile grew--bright and gummy--and his eyes scrunched up into little crescents. His hands found Olaf’s cheeks and he had to resist the urge to squish them before he leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was a soft, sweet kiss, and as soon as Sindri was done with Olaf’s lips, he moved to his cheeks. He smacked cute little glittery kisses along Olaf’s cheekbone up to his forehead and right on the tip of his cute little nose before pulling away with a giggle. 

“You’re just so cute,” he said, and his heart fluttered in his chest ten thousand times a minute. Looking at Olaf, Sindri was having a hard time remembering what it felt like to worry about anything. He thought if he could stay close to Olaf and hold his hand that everything would always be okay. 

Sindri pulled Olaf in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around Olaf’s shoulders and tried his hardest to radiate comfort. He wasn’t sure how Olaf’s talent worked, but he tried his hardest, squeezing his eyes shut and loving with all he had inside of him. They were going to go to the Full Moon dance. It was going to be like when they were smaller and they floated around holding hands and tasting all the different snacks. 

“Olaf,” Sindri said, pulling away with a soft smile, his eyes shining. “I’m really glad you came here. I’m glad you’re my best friend.” 

OLAF: Sindri tasted like strawberries from the gloss, and his hands weren’t chilly at all, but warm-- like he’d been holding a cup of hot cocoa before he cradled Olaf’s face in his hands instead. It felt nice, even as Olaf’s heart jumped, still nervous-- both a good and a bad nervous somehow at the same time. His lips parted after Sindri’s left his own, but Sindri wasn’t done.

“Wh--” was all Olaf managed and then Sindri’s lips were tickling him. Olaf laughed instead of speaking. His giggles burst from his lips, bright and bubbly, as Sindri’s lips moved over his cheeks and then his nose and then up to his forehead. There was a blush on Olaf’s cheeks, a strange twist in his chest, a light feeling, like clouds, in his head. 

He remembered this Sindri from years ago when they dated. Bright, sunshine Sindri, who wrapped his arms around Olaf in bed and kissed the funniest places-- his earlobe, his collarbone, the freckle on Olaf’s shoulder. 

Olaf liked that Sindri, less because of the kissing, though of course that did feel good-- but because of this specific smile Sindri got on his face. He always seemed so relieved, as if he’d been holding something in. And Olaf didn’t want him to, you know? Sindri shouldn’t keep anything from him. 

And neither should I, Olaf thought, another flutter in his chest that he couldn’t define. Nervous was still the closest thing. 

“You’re my best friend too,” Olaf said, smiling back at his friend. He reached forward to squeeze Sindri’s shoulder. His expression became mock serious. “Even if you did just try to eat me.” 

SINDRI:

Sindri’s cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling he was doing and they gave another twinge when he smiled even brighter now. He giggled, unable to help himself and he tried his best to make himself look more serious. “I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice wavering as the giggles tried to come back. “You just look so tasty.” 

With that, Sindri kissed Olaf’s cheek one more time and pulled away from him. “Especially now that you’re so sparkly from my lip gloss. I”m going to have to put that back on.” 

Sindri’s chest ached, just a little, when he thought about how he wanted to cuddle Olaf. He wished it were night time so he could take Olaf’s hand and lead him back to the bed and snuggle him. He wanted to pet his hair and give him soft little kisses until they both drifted off to sleep, happy and warm. The best sort of sleepover. 

He didn’t want to say that, though. He couldn’t say that. Because Olaf was smiling and Sindri was smiling and Sindri didn’t want to push anything further than it needed to go. He was scared. 

“I promise when we go to the dance I’ll be so busy with all the snacks I won’t even think of trying that again,” he said with a laugh. 

OLAF:

Sindri was so happy.

Olaf didn’t need his talent to tell, though his talent crackled brightly, like sparklers bursting. It was rare it felt like this-- mostly his talent was a horrible itch, often a physical pull in his chest that drew him to someone’s side. He could only satisfy it with a hug or a hand on the shoulder, something that told the person they weren’t alone.

But rarely, so rarely, a hug was an explosion. A happy, beautiful celebration of a thing. And that’s what kissing Olaf-- and kissing and kissing and kissing him-- had made Sindri feel. 

That feeling made Olaf dizzy with smiling and he wanted to press against Sindri and wrap his arms around him.

But it also didn’t belong to Olaf at all. 

He wondered what it was like to feel that kind of happiness all on his own, from something like a strawberry-flavored kiss. Why couldn’t he feel something like that? Why did he have to borrow from other people and wear it for just a little while, or hold onto it like a bouquet of bright, colorful balloons? Why did he have to let those feelings go and watch them float away and be left with, to be left with--? 

Nothing, whispered his inside-alone voice. 

But no! No! He could feel such happiness just not about a kiss. 

He wanted to burst with all these thoughts, explode like a hug but this time with a thousand questions, shake Sindri by the shoulders, pace around the room, flutter into several backflips in the air because maybe if he thought upside down, his upside down thoughts would be right-side-up! Sindri, what’s wrong with me, seriously? Why do I feel so happy sticking sparkles on your face and taking goofy pictures, or organizing my shoes so they’re all in one row, or cooking lamb stew for the two of us, or going on a flutter with Nemo, or getting compliments at Goodberry’s, but not about the right stuff?????????? My head’s a slush-fest! I’m a fraud! I’m a horrible, horrible fraud! Shove me into a LAKE! 

Yikes, that was a real snowball of a thought process.

Olaf had to stop that right now. 

So he did. This was a full moon dance and Olaf didn’t want to stress Sindri out over kissing, which Olaf had liked (!!) and gave his permission for (!!) and would even like to do again later, maybe while dancing (!!) There was no reason to cause a problem that didn’t exist. They should just go and have fun. Later, Olaf would figure. himself. out. 

He gave into his hug-feeling anyway, because now there were two hugs in the room: one for Sindri, because he was so happy, and one for Olaf, who wanted to snuggle into his best friend’s side, because at least Sindri would still love him, even if Olaf was a horrible fraud.

He hugged his friend, nuzzling his head onto Sindri’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and giggled. “Ah, it’s okay if you do! I don’t mind, Sindri. I’m just glad we’re going to another dance together after so long. Just like when we were fledglings.” 

You’re my absolute best best friend forever. The feeling surged through him but he didn’t say it. If he did, Sindri might think something was wrong. 

He pulled back and with a bright laugh, said “Okay! Time to get changed!”

[quercussp]

Encouraged by @templeofshame and @jestbee, here’s my wardrobe essentials:) As I live in a place that actually has seasons, I’m limiting myself to only my spring stuff. I think the fun part about wardrobe essentials is that it really varies so much from person to person, and it’s so fun to see what people consider to be essential. I am a in a great position where I never have to abide to any dress code, so I can wear only things that I actually like. Here’s my wardrobe essentials:

Pants: First, is casual hiking like pants:

These specific ones are from Decathlon, and I’m wearing a size XL. They are absolutely amazing quality for the 15$ I paid for them. 

The second type of pant I wear are sweatpants, and these are my absolute favorite pair in the world:

They entire suit is from Uniqlo (both items are XL) and I just adore them so much. Unfortunately, I can’t find them on the website anymore, but the entire set cost me something like 40$, and while it’s on the more expensive scale, I just love them so much so it was worth it. I love pairing them with crop tops or t-shirts, but also because of the way they are made, they can easily be dressed up to wear with something more sophisticated. 

Jeans: bestdressed can hate me all she wants, stretchy jeggings are the best. Jeans are fucking uncomfortable, why wear them unless they are super soft and stretchy? These particular ones are from American Eagle and I am wearing a size 12. I like my jeans super high rise so I can easily wear crop tops with them, as well as tuck things into them.

Overalls: I love overalls so much. There is just something so inherently cute about them, I own a couple. It’s one of the easiest way to look like you’re making a statement, even though it’s so simple and easy. These are from H&M and I’m wearing a size 14.

Dresses: I own many dresses, but my criteria for them is that they must have pockets and must be easily worn with sneakers. This particular one is another one of my favorite Uniqlo pieces, and right now it’s on sale for 9$, an absolute steal for the amazing fit and quality. I’m wearing an L.

I’ve paired it with my favorite bomber jacket from Ostin. It’s actually a mens XXL and it’s one of my favorite layering pieces.

Shorts: I’m a big fan of high rise baggy shorts that are super comfortable and breath well during the warmer days. I love pairing them with a crop top or t-shirt, of which I own many. These shorts are from Uniqlo and are a size XL. They are a bit too big for me, but I kind of dig it.

Tops: As you see in the above pictures, I mostly wear simple t-shirts and tank tops, usually darker colors that are easily matched with anything. My go to sources for basic shirts are H&M, Old Navy and American Eagle, all of which have tshirts for 5$ or less. I also own an incredible amount of t-shirts with logos or merch ones, including this awesome queer one. I like a tight fit on my normal thin first layer tops and a looser unisex fit for my logo shirts.

Crop tops: I have a soft spot for crop tops. I have several different types, but all of them have at least some sort of sleeve and are sport styled.

Cardigans: I own at least 4 or 5 cardigans, including the green one I’ve paired with jeans. I have several different cuts: short ones that I usually pair with looser bottoms or dresses, mid thigh length ones for normal wear, and longer ones for days when you want to just cuddle up in something. I think every cardigan I own is from H&M or Old Navy.

Hoodies: hoodies are an essential part of my wardrobe and I own many of them. I honestly prefer zip up ones, but for some reason most that I own are pull over ones. Most of them are either merch or college ones, but I do have one sport hoodie for jogging.

Shoes: almost all shoes I own are sneakers (as can be seen on the photos). I honestly just can’t imagine wearing something that doesn’t feel like walking on a cloud for longer than a couple of hours, so I almost exclusively wear sport shoes. I also think they look very cute:)

Accessories: I wear a backpack every day of my life, but I do also own two smaller across the body bags for going out. The backpack is from Decathlon and it’s the best thing in the world. I have no idea where the smaller bag is from.

If anyone wants to make a post like this I would love to read it, it’s so fun to see what people wear!

UPD: I am trying to limit the amount of fast fashion I buy by turning to brands like Uniqlo and Decathlon, but in reality I feel like demanding a normal person buys clothes from places like Reformation or from thrift shops is just unfair. It’s either really expensive, or impossible to find in a proper size. So what I try is to just donate everything I don’t wear anymore and go for things that I can wear with multiple outfits.

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house