#but at the same time... it really says something about the state of PP...

[coffee-cait]

We apologize to announce this right when 5h0p was reopened but wnnu and I have made the decision to temp close in light of more Pyp@l error issues. We will begin shipping confirmed orders starting Monday and have opened communications with PP to resolve current error issues.

We are now faced with the dilemma of: do we continue our 5h0p on BgC@rt3l but only with Str1p3 as our p@yment option? Or do we have to start over an entirely new platform from scratch?

After multiple instances of this error along with learning of accounts from customers and friends that this has affected them in the past both as 5h0p owners and customers of other BC 5h0ps we feel continuing to allow PP as an option on our BC page is not feasible.

To everyone who has ordered from us we thank you sincerely for all the support you've shown us and for those who've encountered the error and reached out we thank you so much for your patience and understanding as we continuously try to resolve the issue.

When we make our decision on how to move forward we will inform you across socials as soon as we can. Again, we sincerely apologize for the inconvenience this has caused. Thank you all and have a good day, good night and a happy lunar new year!

[pdpenpals]

hihi! i was wondering if i could get a romantic letter from phoenix drop high gene? she/they pronouns please :)

and for the context of the letter, maybe Gene & Reader recently started dating but can’t text because Reader is away at an academic sleep away camp (preferably centered around literature/writing)? Reader is on the more academic/nerdy side and not officially part of the SK so them doing these kinds of programs is their usual summer thing but it’s the first time Gene and Reader have been away from eachother since they started dating

tysm <33

hihi!! thanks for sending this in, i think this prompt’s absolutely adorable!

unrelated but speaking of literature whenever i see gene now that i’m older i think of heathcliff (more of the name) or the phantom for some reason.

your entire being perks up at the mention that a letter’s arrived, and your heart races as you go through who could have possibly sent it in your head. the moment you have it in your hands, you can almost tell exactly who it’s from. the envelope’s a dark gray, close enough to be black. there are stickers all over its back next to your name and address, same goes for the front. opening it, you catch a whiff of someone familiar’s cologne. that cheeky bastard. 

you notice almost immediately that there’s not only a letter inside, but a bunch of printed photos and some unused stickers. after finding a spot to settle your new goodies upon, you get comfy and get to reading.

Hey cutie. Miss me yet? 

Heard a fair’s coming to town soon. I think it’ll still be there when you get back. There should even be fireworks on the last day. We can go there if you wanna.

Other than that, nothing much happened today. Dante was out, and I had the house to myself for a good portion of the afternoon. Without sugarcoating it, I was bored out of my mind.

It took me a while to figure out my texts or calls weren’t getting through to you. Mom must have seen how frustrated I was about it, so she shared some of her spare stationery with me as a last resort. She said something about wanting to hear about how your summer’s been doing so far.

That’s all the small talk I can handle for today. You might get too tired of staring at only words for too long over there, so you might want to check out the pics taken these past few days. The stickers are from Zenix and Sasha by the way, they also say hi.

Kidding aside, I know how much this whole camp thing means to you.  But I’ve been feeling weird ever since you left. It’s weirder knowing you’re not nearby. When you’re not a walk or a call away. Even though I know exactly how many days and many hours are left until you come back.

Sappy shit out the way, I decided to read that one book you lent me at random. I’m not sure you remember it much since you hurriedly gave it to me without a second thought, but it’s that really old one about the day before the world ends. All that apocalyptic and sad shit. Even though I didn’t get it, I guess it was nice that Vincent and Leticia got their happy ending. To be honest, the book overall didn’t stand out to me much, but the concept of having one day left to live sure did.

If I knew the world was going to end tomorrow I would

Y’know, maybe it’s for the best I save it for when we meet again in person, so you better come back home in one piece, yeah?

With an aching heart and hand, Your Gene, who misses you terribly

PS. I feel like you’ve been rubbing off on me recently, state-of-mind-wise. While it’s not that bad, it gives me the chills.

PPS. If not having you near me hasn't driven me insane yet, I definitely will go mad if this letter doesn't make it to you. Especially after all I've put my wrist through just for this. Maybe I should visit the post office a few more times?

[useless-catalanfacts]

No question. Just rant. I love your page. And sorry for chaotic story time vibes, but I don't think I'd realised how crazy this anti-catalan thing really is until I travelled to southern Spain. My Spanish is not great, but I took a course in Catalan in high school (long story on why this was available in my city but it also included a human tower party at the end and it was brilliant even tho I almost died) so when talking to people I casually threw in some Catalan words to help my Spanish. I am Norwegian, and I thought it was kind of like... as if someone was trying to speak Norwegian but casually threw in some Swedish to fill in the gaps. Like we would totally have joked about it, but overall we would just be grateful they really made an effort to be understood. But no. IT WAS NOT THE CASE. My host was literally offended. Like offended offended. I didn't really get it, because it's not like the Catalans have oppressed him and I'm coming here speaking the tongue of the oppressor (its kinda the opposite). But no. My host acted if I was the most ignorant person ever. He basically sat me down and explained that I have to show respect and speak castillian (or english, which was apparently fine, even if he understood about 1% of it), and then I asked if he would speak Catalan if he visited Barcelona and he said he would never visit Barcelona because he didn't like the people there. And then I said that if you hate them so much, why not throw them out of the country, get rid of them, and let them have their own state? It sounds like a win-win. And he looked as if he was gonna hit me.

Ah 😬

I wish things like this surprised me, but I have family from Andalucía and Extremadura and have friends who also have family from Andalucía, and so I've heard this and worse... It also reminded me of a few weeks ago when there was a scandal because a train in Málaga (in Andalucía, southern Spain) gave the announcements in Catalan instead of Spanish (turns out the train had been programmed in Catalonia during the COVID-19 restrictions and later moved to the Málaga train system, but for some mistake this day it was showing COVID-19 precaution in Catalan from 2020 now in 2024). It was such a scandal that it was on the news and politicians were making such a big deal of it, the PP (the most voted party in Málaga and of all Andalucía) also said it was "offensive" and that Malagans were being "laughed at" by the trains. Other errors in public transport that actually mean people can't travel in time don't get reported as much as when one train's screens tell you in Catalan to wear your facemask. 🤷

The last part of what you say, absolutely right. I never understood it either: if they really don't like us, then shouldn't they also be interested in not having anything to do with us? Why not just kick us out? I never really understood it until some years ago when I heard the words of a right-wing Spanish journalist (I think was Federico Jiménez Losantos?) who said something along the lines of "if Catalans want to leave, then leave. But Catalonia is ours." Meaning that Catalan people, individually, we can leave and migrate abroad. But the land is a possession of Spain, our homeland is their property. I think that sums up that view. It's not about being annoyed at having to share a state with a culture you despise, it's about wanting to keep domination.

I'm sorry you had this experience. Your effort to communicate should have been valued, and pulling the words you know from a language from the same linguistic family was a good idea that would have worked great, they wouldn't have found it offensive if the language you knew instead of Catalan was Italian, Portuguese, etc. Thank you very much for sharing your experience, and I hope you could enjoy the rest of your trip (Southern Spain, outside of situations like this, is a beautiful place), and I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed the castells party (and didn't die in it)!

[yaoxsblog]

Nothing is canon in hetalia so I’m making my own list of headcanons regarding worldbuilding and al that whimsical stuff

I should probably mention this is inspired by THE worldbuilding hc post, I reblog it all the time but just in case you haven’t read it (how could you), you can do that here

Oh also umm all of these are both serious and not. Take them all with a grain of salt as they say. Im just having fun

I think thats it… lets go

Their body temperature depends on their climate. Sort of. Technically they all have a normal body temp, but you know how some people are always cold? In that way.

I think it’s canon actually that climates influence the general character of a personifications… although romano exists… so maybe not…. Not sure about that one.

They don’t get sick, in fact I hc they CANT get sick with normal human diseases. Their well being depends on the state of their people/the country. They get „sick” from wars, rebellions, econimic issues etc.

They can’t reproduce. Except for the times they can. Because egypt.

They exist as long as people feel connected to the idea of a „nation” or otherwise feel connected to that identity. Even if they „die”, as long as there are people who consider themselves a certain nationality, they can come back to life.

I’m partial to the idea of some of them appearing just because they were created artificially… like brčko. I will never actually talk more about her all you get is cryptic little puzzle pieces of info about her. Anyways she magically appeared when some documents were signed because funny

I’m unsure what happens when a nation is wiped out. Like when every person who was once a part of that nation either dies or stops identifying with it… maybe they get sick and die but maybe instead they turn into a human and slowly age, then die as the last person of that nationality….

They need to eat sleep etc but can go without doing any of that for longer periods of time than normal humans

They have hobbies and interests and can love humans but have no ambition or desire to live. Not even an animal like urge to live to pass something on. Because they really can’t. They exist to live and to vibe only. And despite no aspiration to live they will beg for mercy if you put a knife to their throat…. Hah… thats so weird

Immensly calming aura to normal people. Probably works better on people of their own nationality, they bring a sort of inspirational energy to the room. I feel as thought they inspired poets and artists, and all those works dedicated to the idea of a nation were actually about a being…

Despite being able to die (technically, even if not permanently) it takes them hundreds of years to understand the concept of death.

Same with aging, it makes no sense how a human deteriorates in, say, 60 years. How little that is, compared to their own age.

Wait, I have a comic I like that describes this well - here

Theyre not inherently violent. At least not most of them. Their wants don’t always align with what the people want but what can they do other than oblige. Yea

Not that important but they can totally have altered states. Half of them are high 24/7

Mentioned it before but they get, or at least most of them used to - get attached to their leaders. It wears off the older they get because they simply get used to the fact they change so often, at least from their perspective

Most of them are pretty open with the fact theyre not humans. If you ask them i image most would just go haha yea thats me I’m 6969 years old lol

I’m very much aware that the rule which i think is canon based on one ep…. That pgysica age related to land mass, is stupid bullshit and generally doesn’t apply in half the cases. And therefore I’ll say to me, I just accept whatever canon physical age you want to give to a character. Whatever reason you want for it is acceptable too.

Thats it for now :PP

[anamericangirl]

Sigh. PP had to change the wording on their website because folks like you have drawn a random distinction where medical personnel never did. And as multiple other anons have pointed out multiple times, any actual medical provider would be happy to explain this. It doesn’t matter how many names you call us; you’re still wrong, and at this point it’s clear you don’t care.

You're in some deep denial, you know that, right? You just dismiss literally every source and every argument with the vague, non-argument of "just ask a medical provider" as if 100% of medical providers agree with you and as if the information debunking every one of your ignorant statements isn't coming from medical sources themselves. The one I provided is from Planned Parenthood, who I'm sure you think is a credible medical provider.

We didn't draw a random distinction. We explained abortion and treating ectopic pregnancies were not the same, just like Planned Parenthood did. They explicitly stated that getting the procedure for an abortion and the procedure for an ectopic pregnancy are not the same. Even today, their description differentiates between an abortion and ectopic pregnancy treatment.

Are they wrong?

You are arguing in bad faith. Dismissing any source that objectively debunks you and pretending "any medical provider" would agree with you when the sources debunking you are from actual medical providers. You are lying and you are willfully ignorant and that's why you're pro-abortion. You refuse to acknowledge the truth about the issue because accepting the truth means accepting that you're supporting the murder of children. But being willfully ignorant and pretending you're too stupid to actually understand the information in front of you doesn't excuse you from the lengths you go to justify something you know is evil. If you really believed the shit you say you wouldn't have to lie about it and pretend the information being provided isn't proving every single word you write wrong.

Being stupid on purpose actually makes you more guilty of supporting murder than you would be if you just really were that ignorant. All you pro-aborts do message after message is prove that to be pro-abortion you have to be ignorant because it's the only way to justify the evil you advocate for.

[bengiyo]

I Told Sunset About You Rewatch Ep 2 Stray Thoughts

Continuing the rewatch for the retrospective, lets pick back up with my favorite crybaby boys. Coming back to ITSAY I'm floored again by just how fucking good the score, sound mixing, cinematography, and the editing are. This was the first Thai gay drama I watched that felt like it believed in its talent and trusted them to carry the scene. The shots are patient, and the story is so legible. It's not doing any slapstick to make sure you laugh in case you're getting bored. It makes you sit up and take notice.

They really had Bas dropping Oh-aew off at his romantic rival's house.

Once again loving the almost-Japanese approach to depth of picture with these static shots where they let the actors move about the frame. I just love seeing people act and exist relative to each other in the same space. I love having details to focus on at every level.

Teh's mom was very correct that Teh needed to not just blow off school.

Hoon may tease Teh sometimes, but he still got that boy a plane ticket. Makes me sad that Teh has so many hangups about his big brother.

Frustrates me to no end that Oh always viewed Teh impressively, and yet Teh has such an inferiority complex.

Billkin has multiple angles, and those dimples. It's not fair.

That's right, Tuty. Nothing gay better happen on your watch! Keep it up, you homophobic pup!

PP plays the shift in Oh to relax around Teh again really well this episode. He's so charming when he's not tensing. Billkin responds well by having Teh pretend he isn't a sap.

Man, this talk of boobs on the saleng is also worrisome foreshadowing.

Also, hilariously, there were so obviously on a trailer for most of that.

I just really love the shot of them running down the ramp to the pier.

Smile really was just so good as Tarn. I really liked her, and she's so lovely to watch this time too.

I feel the need to state very clearly here again that Teh did genuinely like Tarn. We know he had been flirting for two years. Even if he's brightening up and his blue is coming through loudly again because he reconnected to Oh-aew, he is still trying to be good to Tarn.

Truly the leitmotif of Skyline is unparalleled.

Oh, Teh, he doesn't even know why he's jealous of their oldest friends.

I also don't think any other show has used text chats and IG better than this show. Texting someone at the table with your friends is so real.

Teh is just so pouty with Oh. Just no effort to shield his feelings.

This boy is still being salty as shit about this at school the next day, and now is going across the damn city to sneak into their school because he doesn't feel close enough to Oh.

Absolutely incredible that he says it so plainly that he was jealous of their friends because he didn't feel like he was the BFF anymore. Teh is unreal.

Whoever was in charge of lighting for this scene where Oh and Teh talk at Oh's school? You did an incredible job. PP looks amazing.

I get so anxious every time we get to Teh trying to help Oh flirt with Bas. I think he was serious at first, but it gets complicated so quickly. Also, I remember being this age and any slight form of physical contact being so, so much.

The MoRaoYuLok chemistry workshops really paid off. They feel like dudes who've been around each other forever.

Hold fast, friends. Teh is about to do something to provoke Bas.

It's interesting that only Bas looked at Oh after Teh's admission. The rest of them focused only on Teh. Bas immediately schedules a hangout with Oh.

And now it's these two knocking knees under the table. I'm going to go insane again.

Now, PP, you did not need to drink from that coconut like that whole looking at Khunpol.

That transition from Oh's and Bas's backs to Teh's and Tarn's backs gets me every time.

PP and Khunpol have great legs.

Teh posting Tarn on IG like, "After tonight, don't leave ya girl around me. Real playa fo' real."

But on the real, we get mad about the situation in IPYTM, but Teh misuses Tarn's feelings repeatedly here and again in this show after he gets jealous of Oh.

Truly incredible performances from Billkin and Smile on this kiss. I love that they got this on one take after falling on each other the first time. Contrast that with the athleticism required for the underwater kiss later and you appreciate that Boss only asked for what was necessary from his actors.

Teh can be so mean sometimes, and often Oh has no idea why Teh is suddenly being grumpy or petty. Poor Bas can read what's happening, but also has no idea what's going on.

Excellent timing on battery death there, phone. I always love Teh doing donuts to get some power back just to angst over Oh again.

We talk about Skyline a lot, but Lost in Translation is used so well in the background of this show.

Here there go again holding the shot and letting people act again. I love how they trust Billkin to play Teh's nervousness and anticipation in extended takes. Oh-aew's return is also timed perfectly with the song.

My goodness. Oh will be begging Teh to just tell him what's bothering him for years.

They really were determined to make PP and Billkin glow this episode.

"Don't give my time to others." I'm just gonna go ahead and lay down again.

Coconut scent got this boy telling on himself. This final scene is just so much. Many of us fake wrestled as an excuse to touch.

I gotta stop for now. I can't go immediately into episode 3, because this episode always does me in. Despite both Oh and Teh making progress with their respective love interests, so much of this episode ends up being about their forward progress with each other. Both of them are checking in or checking on with the other while basically on a date, and both are thinking about the other while with Bas or Tarn. There's just so much here about their need to affirm their importance to each other after all this time.

[neoyi]

Okay, within the first twelve pages, the comic has stated:

A few years have apparently passed, which confuses me because all the characters look the same??? Maybe they're going by floating timeline. Tucker has a smartphone now. ...Then again, the first smartphone came out around 2008ish, roughly around the time the show ended. I guess it'd make sense for Tucker to rock one before anyone else does, buuuuut I'm guessing they're just going with "this story is a sequel to the show set within a few years, but the few years is nebulous because we're evoking floating timeline." Fair enough.

Dash, Star, and Kwan is part of a city-wide ghost protecting squad hemmed by the Fentons, continuing the nice little character details that bully and shallowly popular they may be, they're not evil little shits; they're decent kids and people who've constantly supported DP in his line of work. Them volunteering to keep Amity Park safe is genuinely cool of them and really, sets them up with a future where they can grow up NOT to be dick heads.

Tucker was mayor for all of 48 hours before they restored the previous mayor because he accidentally dropped a baby omg fucking tucker making him a politician was stupid and made no damn sense.

Mayor Tucker felt like a last-minute ending to give him something because by the end of the show, no one had any damn clue what to do with him. His entire personality was that he was a Horny Nerd and very little beyond it in spite of some promises. Like Danny is accepted by his loved ones (and the world.) Sam gets Danny. Vlad loses. Etc etc. Bullshit aside, you could argue their journeys have led them to where they are by the end of the show.

Tucker's biggest character study was his second banana status. He didn't have the cool ghost powers his oldest, bestest friend had; they were both "losers" in their teenage wasteland society, but Tucker didn't get a super power. There was no equality between the two of them anymore - not in his eyes anyway. The one time he does get 'em, he fucked it up epically because he gave in far too easily into his insecurities. There was a story there, and rarely did it ever get explored. Giving Tucker a key to the entire city would have been disastrous because he learned absolutely nothing when handed any kind of power. And it made no damn sense even without that context because that boy has only ever shown any interest in politics once ("King Tuck" when he ran for class president) and did so because he wanted to be heard. While his tech has been instrumental in helping Team Phantom, the show never validates it and ultimately him. He would never get past sidekick status in a way both Sam or Jazz did. he had no voice and by season three, not as much screentime. So he's mayor because... he demonstrated his tech skills which translated into leadership because he gave a few orders. Within two comic panels, the creator undoes all that and, well, I can't say "all is right in the world" since it doesn't do a thing for Tucker's arc, but it removed something so fundamentally cartoonish and out-of-nowhere that I'm not complaining in anyway, shape, or form. Mayor Tucker was stupid and the comic rightfully points it out as such.

The comic also contradicts Hartman's hypothetical proposal of where Vlad would have ended up in post-"PP" - that is a prisoner to aliens of which he'd eventually escape, go back to Earth, and I don't know, go even more mad with power? Like Mayor Tucker, the whole alien thing is just balls nuts because it brings in an element that was never presented, emphasized, or necessary for the show. It's about ghosts. It's only about ghosts. The original plan for Plasmius had him as a vampire, which is why he has a cliche Dracula look to himself, but they took it out for being "too occult." It would have also added nothing. This isn't a catch-all "Best Of" Spooky Monster Variety Hour show, it's just about ghosts. So thankfully, they just had him fly back where he found out he lost everything. No aliens needed.

[zumpietoo]

Cracks Knuckles....

cuz I realiced something further, as I was watching Only Murders in the Building.....

As I pointed out recently, the BB's "goal" of "destroying" Cole isn't really what they want (and remains utterly inexplicable), they want him to grovel to PP, state he made the biggest mistake of his life, she's the most wonderfulest, admit to all kinds of things he didn't do, etc...

And the same with Beebs for Selena Gomez.

And clearly OBX dude for Madelyn Cline....

And pretend to be feminists, while disparaging/body shaming/belittling other wimmin, simply for being the nu lady of their object of obsession

And pretend to be pro-MH/always believe the victim, while disparaging other wimmin and using "crazy" as a pejorative....but insisting their girls' MH issues are cute and charming.

Ditto substance abuse.....it's adorbs when their peeps (and themselves) are blotto/wasted, a crime if somebody they dislike has a beer.

Oh and there's their obsession with $$$, while ignoring/seeking to twist anybody they dislike as being "poor" and thus, again, a criminal--but that isn't a factor, here....(or maybe only marginally).

Soooo.....this all again, got me wondering "well, WTF IS so great about Peepster, and why do you choose to self-insert as her/similar girls?"

And it hit me: once again, that weird "sad girl sisterhood", popped up. And.....it really does track.

Much in the same way Duan and Ciena continue to be inexplicably chummy/low key shun Ari, with a woman they met a handful of times, in Duan's case, in fact, kept cancelling on her-----and will never see again (and did nothing, ever for either), here we have the same wimmin, across the internet, feeling the same fandumb fealty.....

In fact, it couldn't track moar if it was literally designed that way:

There were, previously, no shortage of posters talking about their "anxiety" (I'd say it's MH issues that are a lot less pretty/trendy, myself) overtaking them, so they became obsessed with the possibility of Cole cheating on them PP, and even now, refuse to even consider anything else....

Because, again, they ally with her, because she's a pretty neurotic girl, so it puts a pretty face on something ugly, that they don't want to address. It's why they think her cult's fab, desperately insist she's vastly moar successful than she is, ignore/excuse how the documented unlikableness she routinely demonstrates.

It's why they think her getting with a rent-a-Walmart Cole, purely because he made fun of Cole in the most juvenile manner imaginable---and her "winning the break up", 3 years later and nope, is so amazingly fantastic....

It's why her gluten intolerance is a tragedy....it's why it's glorious for her to be snide, bourgeois, and mediocre, while belittling others for this.

It's why Cole's evvvollll incarnate for dumping her-----and why they keep pushing OMG!!! Cheater!!! Even tho, again: A) not a crime B) choosing to excuse HER and the rest of Hollywood for it.

IDK why it took me this long to see it, but it couldn't be moar obvious....I'm sure they'll insist "oh hahaha, she's crazy" (ableist and untrue) and then take a double dose of anti-depressants.....

And oh, on the "believe the victim"? Again, funny how that only applies when it works for them/convenient (otherwise, again, you're just a crazy loser)----but they, again, include somebody who clearly IS nuts (and very much not in a pretty way) and has, herself, repeatedly fully negated her claims----and even then, the claims she made literally translated to, "was 22 and didn't always revolve himself around me completely".....

But it explains why SHE has devotees in that too, because, again, spiraling hot mess of a girl, who got dumped, cuz asshole.

Which is what they are and why they self insert.

[quoteoftheweekblog]

ALI SMITH - 'AUTUMN' (FIRST PUBLISHED 2016)

First sentence:

'It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.' (Smith, 2017, p.3).

On 'Brave New World':

'She opens the book in her hand, Brave New World. Chapter One. "A squat grey buiding of only thirty-four storeys. Over the main entrance the words, CENTRAL LONDON HATCHERY AND CONDITIONING CENTRE, and, in a shield, the World State's motto, COMMUNITY, IDENTITY, STABILITY." ' (Smith, 2017, p.17).

'Elisabeth goes back to the book and by chance the page she's on happens to be quoting Shakespeare: "O brave new world!" Miranda was proclaiming the possibility of loveliness, the possibility of transforming even the nightmare into something fine and noble. "O brave new world!" It was a challenge, a command.' (Smith, 2017, pp.17-18).

'What you reading? he'd say. Elisabeth would hold it up. Brave New World, she'd say. Oh, that old thing, he'd say. It's new to me, she'd say.' (Smith, 2017, p.31).

On reading:

'Always be reading something, he said. Even when we're not physically reading. How else will we read the world? Think of it as a constant.' (Smith, 2017, p.68).

'She likes to read, she reads all the time, she perfers to be reading several things at once. She says it gives endless perspective and dimension.' (Smith, 2017, p.183).

'All those books I've never read, Middlemarch, Moby-Dick, War and Peace.' (Smith, 2017, p.215).

On language:

'Language is like poppies. It just takes something to churn the earth round them up, and when it does up come the sleeping words, bright red, fresh, blowing about. Then the seedheads rattle, the seeds fall out. Then there's even more language waiting to some up.' (Smith, 2017, p.69).

On 'A Tale of Two Cities':

'She'd started to read from the beginning, quite quietly, out loud. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us." The words had acted like a charm.' (Smith, 2017, pp.201-2).

On 'The Tempest':

'He told her it was a play about civilization, colonization and imperialism. It sounds a bit boring, she'd said. Trust me Daniel said. So she went, and it wasn't boring, it was really good, about a father and a daughter. It was also about fairness and unfairness, and people getting hypnotized on an island and hatching plots against each other to see who could take control of the island, and some characters got to be freed. But mistly it was about a girl shose father, a magician, was sorting out her future for her. In the end the daughter could have been in it a bitmore than she was, but all the same it was still really good ... ' (Smith, 2017, pp.207-8).

On academic writing:

'Elisabeth wrote in pencil on a page of her foolscap pad: 'art like this examines and makes possible a reassessment of the outer appearance of things by transforming them into something other than themselves. An image of an image means the image can be seen with new objectivity, with liberation from the original." Dissertaion blah.' (Smith, 2017, p.226).

REFERENCE

Smith, A. (2017 [2016] ) 'Autumn'. London: Penguin.

[jonathankatwhatever]

What’s a tangent? Strange topic to come up with because a tangent is an End, which mean it can be a line or a plane or some other shape which attaches at that End. That’s Attachment Theory, which I gather needs to be worked on.

The essence of AT is the step from 1Segment to 1-0Segment, because an Attachment, with a capital A, can extend either way or both or not at all. Those 4 states are the essential existence states for flicker. Need to overcome my hesitance to talk about math. Here, each flicker state has its meanings, and that includes, for example, whether it commutes and left right or up down characterizations of the seder, of the order of operations.

That really is Jewish, isn’t it? That the Seder is an order of operations designed to bind you to this story so you are ‘passed over’ not from eternity but from leaving this life where you have the opportunity to develop. That really encapsulates the Jewish focus on this world, that it connects to eternity through this life. Not the same idea as grace, nor of ‘works’ because it’s a test for you. This fits astonishingly well with cardinals and ordinals.

So, given this, what is AT? We tend to assume a solitary End attached to a solitary End. That’s great because now you just have to add a structure on either or both sides. This is very easy to see in Triangular and Hexagonal: the connections spread and narrow depending on how you see the 1Segments and Ends arrange. Thus the 1-0Segments. So, when we speak, for example, of the mean value theorem, what that says is the dimensionality of the line, of the space, of the Object which Attaches at the tangent point along the polynomial, values to that point, like with the integral version of the same idea, that there’s a point c along the interval, along the Segment, which is the average. The concept of average, along with the concept of area or space in an integral, makes the point clearer: this literally balances the processes that generate the value of the integral. You can even see how this works mechanically using 1-0Segments, even as simply as value over the balance point to this End and to that End is some form of symmetry, whatever that symmetry is. This is yet another of the 1-0-1 countings we can point to as a basic proof.

We seem to be generating basic or even fundamental proofs multiple times a day. That’s new.

Also new is the startling but familiar realization that, since all my life seems to be coming together in one large understanding, my recurring, highly vivid dreams of connected rooms around a courtyard, and my fascination with designing homes which use that idea, are toruses. And that the courtyards define a space specific to that Storyline, meaning an operations space for the permutations to enact in and through and across.

I promised myself I’d eat if I got something really good done. This counts.

———-

We need to work on Collatz because it embodies the issue inherent in CH, in halting, in any example where 0Space calculation goes to infinity, which is a phrase I’m not sure I understand because it embodies the problem I can’t put into words, which is more that these processes come up to the barrier of the Thing, of the Dimensional Enclosure. Example would be a program that doesn’t halt: it disappears into the DE barrier unless it is part of the Identification process, meaning it’s checked beyond the regular checks that maintain the linkages. In other words, the process associated with that program dissipates to background levels where it is just a process and the only connection back to the origin, the only Triangular, is that you might check it maybe. That exposes the process by which you check, that it has available the Pathway potential - yes, it’s full of PP, thus relating it to an animal marking where it’s been as the Ends which link together in all their permutations.

This means we as Observer, deciding to look, always look to the barrier. That threw me for a second, until I realized barrier means to an Object’s barriers, whether tObjects or iObjects, as you can and then as you choose to see them. So as capacity develops, capability develops, because the sK and zK flicker as we see in the square’s roots of unity, that orders counting in both a cardinal and ordinal manner.

Still can’t get the idea out, but the exploration is generating good results. How does it disappear into the barrier? Because it has this side’s tag, it shifts in ordinality down to the level of any other process. Wow. That’s simply amazing, and obviously true once you accept grid squares and look the roots of unity. It sorts down to minimal on this side, meaning tagged to its origin, meaning within the Thing of that, which might simply be an historical note. It will be as precise as needed, meaning it constructs the Triangular connections if you check, because then the ordinality rises, and that rise is accompanied by all the permutations in that rise, meaning all the DR which got it there. Stupendous result.

And that really gets into Collatz because the argument, the simple argument, is that SBE and Halving is inherent to the integers, and that every single integer is connected to 4 to 2 to 1 because they model that through the process. As in, it bounces if it can’t complete to 1 is the literal model of SBE counting and Halving. Why? Because we’re connecting in this integer layer, not in the midpoint layer.

That gets to a deep, deep idea about integers, which is that this is why they function as Ends: as in, they can be pulled apart, so 2 becomes -2 to 2. Note then how this directly models as a torus, meaning as I//I, meaning grid squares, the first full such explanation of this kind of fundamental mechanism. You can see how we can use I//I to generate a point of infinity at origin, and an entire field beyond that based on but not limited to integers. This enables integer counts in gs and other counts in regular squares. Note that regular squares ‘follow’ the ideal, which is why we can calculate in complex spaces; there’s always 0Space. We can see this in Collatz: the 0Space is in the other ‘wheel’, the other Irreducible, meaning we’re not counting by halves inward or across to another layer, but are remaining in this layer and bouncing around until we find the permutation we know must be there because this is the same Triangular that SBE and Halving always draws, and that path of whatever length is this group action, is this gs action (where a gs action means invokes specific processes at specific levels). So Halving, for example, means a lot of other processes exist in order for that Halving to occur at this level. It is not simply divide by 2, but all the connections which enable division by 2 at this integer where the result is an integer. The reason this ‘devolves’ to 4-2-1 is that IC connects directly to Triangular in grid squares, meaning it’s always inferred, meaning there’s always a path to it because otherwise it could not be inferred. If you phrase this in notation about Pathways, then we have a formal proof.

I can’t believe we just did that!

———-

Congratulations! You just communicated the first complete rigorous visual proof in what felt to me like real time, though was likely an accessed iObject, meaning I Attached to it, and inside the room - brings back xyR notation - are the images that describe how when I prompted with assume there are Pathways with k variations over a field of grid squares, considering only an integer layer. This generates a whole series of Pathways in which each node has specific integer labels, including simple ones counting the rows and columns, plus sK and zK. Counting the latter 2 means you can restrict to the one layer, because they’ll only count integers when fixed. That’s cool. Didn’t know that, but it makes sense. Pictures translate into a lot of concepts.

Seriously, I saw a grid. I saw the Triangular count over the grid, and that it does this in the specific way necessary: to count gs across the SBE or Bhyp, we typically count each as 1, which of course means the gs folds to the Bip, which is Halving, which occurs when 4:2:1. ANd that is that part. The rest is that SBE is modular, so the idea of the grid doesn’t change. In fact, because this is grid squares, this reveals another deep structure, which is that this projects or inverts from any given n into this particular output which runs until it fits the inversion. In other words, this is also a modularity, a modularity of process in which SBE is applied and restricted to integers, meaning a grid squares quadrant form. That enables completion of the idea by treating the ++ quadrant as the positive integers along zK. That’s important: along zK, not x or xK or y or yK, but zK because that is where the processes combine for Halving. Flips the labels and this is true for sK as well, and that is also why they fix the integer gs layer.

So, in the Pathway potential, there is always a series of steps in a process, an output that Registers. Because we are calculating in gs, not in regular squares, by narrowing the count to the balancing zK, we get all the complexity, including access to other layers if we change our minds and change the algorithm. And this occurs in the n+1 counting of grid squares counting, meaning that induction or projection up and down the zK is always within other inductions and projections, including being a factor in even larger ones. This is an even deeper meaning in Collatz: that it exemplifies one of the simplest algorthms by which large induction and projection occurs.

I want to think about in relation to large cardinal axioms.

Note that this induction and projection invokes sK and thus ordinals, which connects that all together.

So, we just communicated remotely an actual formal proof. We can then simplify this, using the structure described, to say that each one of these is the module for integer layer SBE and Halving, meaning each integer n’s specific process is encoded in a chain. If we represent SBE and Halving with a symbol, then that’s the statement. We can sort, etc. because of this labeling, with its assignment to each integer n. Just call them symbol k, where k0 appears to be 1 because that actually generates 3, meaning it fails Halving, moves to the 2nd test. At 2, it passes Halving, and thus ‘returns’ to 1, which completes that connection. So, f1-3 appears here as well and f3-1 because when we count 3, we’re also already counting 1, 2, 3, and thus the processes already counted. This continues with each integer. So the process roots at 2 and the connection over 2 to 3 and back, and thus in layers of gs process beyond. And when we begin with 1, we can see the modularity, can see this as a Winding in Triangular, because it takes this many steps to reach a value on zK where these processes come together in sK so the 4:2:1 reduction occurs. In other words, we come back to 1 and it’s ‘true’, from wherever we went, and that immediately connects to 3 because 1 fails the Halving test, meaning there’s a constant f1-3 loop.

Look then at 2. It Halves to 1, which means it returns in a Winding, which is a very simple Winding of a step away, a step back, except of course, this allows us to shift 1’s: we start with 1, count to 2, Halve and pick the other 1. Do the same. It’s genetics. Genetic inheritance is this extremely basic counting in gs of 1:2:1 and thus mixing each 2 and shifting each 1.

With 3, you see the ordering in the algorithm. If SBE in reverse, goes to 1, but fails Halving, so SBE forward to 9. You can see how this relates to fCM. I mean you can literally see the 1-0Segment in this process of shifting 1’s, and then how say the original 1 attaches to the next 1, which becomes 3 becomes 9, becomes (1+(SBE3)+1). That relates to one of the permutations: the ones that count 10:5, because that Halving is meaningful (just not for Collatz). So we set a 0 with Halving, meaning we bounce off the midpoint layer, which passes the action to SBE, where we then apply Halving again.

————

The work keeps flowing. Example: look at LayerView. You can see the Halving being denied in each Layer, but then if you count zK(n), the evens appear as well. So zK8 is L15, which can’t Halve in integers, but which does in zK, which you can see flips back over 4, forward to 16, etc. This validates all of that work from long ago! And then we have the evens showing up in the Layers: as in zK7 contains not only zK6 but the Halves of 6 which generates the permutations within the L13. That’s a truly lovely result because we just connected each grid square to specific process threads!

[ghoulcandy]

Are u um.. Okay? I saw ur post earlier. I hope ur safe and stuff :( (ignore if u want, obv)

i'm not really okay, but i'm sorry for my stupid posts. i'm going to do a read more since it's been a long time coming and saying vague troubling shit isnt gonna help anyone lmao

it turned out to be a lot longer than i thought it would, sorry about that in advance.

not to be like "surprise! i'm mentally ill and going through it" but that's ig the big thing hurting me right now. my life was very suddenly impacted for the worse back in september and i've been struggling since then.

without giving way too much away i went through a difficult breakup with my fiancee and kind of got left without a proper support system since then. a lot of my resources were taken from me and i've been on a steep decline for a while now.

i was forced to move back in with my mom because i had nowhere else to go, and old followers know that i don't get along with her well. i used to post often about how my family mistreated me. it's gotten just a little bit easier now that i'm older but my mom was abusive to me as a kid and teen and we stopped talking for a long time, until i was 19, then it tapered off again until i was 25 or so.

with marriage i was going to have pretty decent insurance, but now i don't have any and can't afford like...anything beyond state-funded mental health support. i don't have a gp, i don't see a gyno, and i've been having a really big issue with my dental health recently.

a friend, their partner and i were going to be moving in together this year, but that's no longer viable due to a number of reasons beyond our control. i can't live alone, but my mom really doesn't like to acknowledge that my mental health is as bad as it is; that i can't handle a lot of things that other people can, and it's been something i've been struggling to cope with as well. accepting has been very difficult, especially since i've tried to get approved for disability and got denied each time; getting a case worker is my best bet but i'd really like to make a living on my art. the issue is that i'm not in an environment where working is easy.

i'm under a lot of stress all the time and can't really produce the art i'd like to. i have a lot of ideas, a few ongoing projects, and commissions, but if my webcomic that's been on hiatus for this long is a decent enough indicator, i just. like. can't work. i can't. i have no drive, no motivation, nothing to look forward to.

my aunt, who was far more abusive towards me as a teen, now only interacts with me to pushes me to get "a real job" and has never supported me as an artist. my family don't see me being as mentally ill as i am, and i'm worried it'll one day leave me homeless. there's more that could be said about them, such as how the house is often very tense to avoid meltdowns and how my identity as a member of the lgbt community isn't respected, but there's not a big point in going deeper.

that's most of the face value issues, without really making things personal. i can't save up to move out, i can't work properly, i can't have a job. i'm not capable of driving, but they chalk it up to me being lazy and treat me having to go anywhere as a major inconvenience, so i never leave the house. i'm trying to get dental work done but saving up is difficult since i have to provide for myself at the same time.

it's a lot and i don't see myself getting out of the hole. i can't do it on my own and i don't have a lot of options for the long-term. i'm definitely su/c/dal but can't get intensive care either.

typing this shit out all at once has brought me to tears so not to be THAT GUY but happy mental health month? ☕ pp$

i'm going to try to launch a fundraiser for my dental work soon; i wanted to see an orthodontist for a proper financial estimate first, but that would just be another $200 out of the small fund that I have now. starting with my dental work is a good place to start for me since it's urgent, but i still have to save up to leave. i know i'd be able to work to the capacity i'd like once i'm comfortable, but i don't know if that will ever happen at this point. i'm sorry for making concerning posts, but i'm in...a concerning place. thanks for reading, if you did.

[let-them-read-fics]

What Could've Been

Requested By Anon: "pls do a rosé or jennie imagine where the reader is into them but they just keep rejecting her. then they just cross the line one day and say hurtful things to y/n so the reader just ended up stopped pursuing them. then someone else (could be the other rosé or jennie also of yk what i mean) became interested in y/n and they get all petty and jealous yk djajdua,, COULD BE ANY ENDING HFHSHAU I'M JUST A REAL SUCKER FOR IMAGINES LIKE THIS TYSM"

Pairing: Love Triangle -- Jennie x Fem!Reader and Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 7,333

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Pining, Rejection, Crying, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: ⚠️ Important ⚠️ Class, gather round -- we have some things to discuss. I'm not angry, just... disappointed. *dramatic music*

First off, I want to address something with asks: as I've stated before, there's no certain amount of time that any one request will take me. Sometimes I'm more inspired by one than others, and sometimes I legitimately lack the time or brainpower to write a piece that holds true to my standards.

Please, refrain from messaging me multiple times about a request. Once is fine, especially if it's been awhile since you first asked, but I'm doing my best to give you starving fans the content you wish to see, and that takes time.

To those of you who continue to be patient with me: I sincerely appreciate it.

Secondly, I hope you enjoy this. ♡ Happy Reading ♡

PS ~ Anon, I still love you. Now enjoy this fic or you're grounded.

PPS ~ It gets better as it goes on

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Thank you," you politely say to your driver, handing him some money before stepping out of the sleek black car and onto the sidewalk. The bottoms of your shoes crunch lightly as they come in contact with the concrete, steadily announcing your course towards the performance hall. 

You let out a breath as you stand in the elevator, alone with your thoughts in the small space as it ascends. 

Your hands nervously palm the fresh bouquets of flowers you purchased on your way here -- the girls just finished a comeback stage, so you've decided to surprise them and show your love. You spent time picking out a personalized batch for each of them, making sure to mix their favorite colors and types, but you went even further for Rosé: you hand picked a larger, special array, choosing them based on their meaning and how much you think she'll appreciate them. Over the years, you've made sure to note her favorite ones; that came in handy tonight, and the florist assisting you definitely appreciated your attention to detail. 

Too chicken to go to her first, you decide to bring the other girls their gifts now and save Rosie for last. All of them are unwinding independently in their dressing rooms right now, enjoying some much needed alone time before coming back together later to celebrate. 

"Jisoo-yah!" You sing-song, rapping lightly on the door. It's slightly ajar, but you still knock out of respect for her privacy. 

In an instant, the door swings open to reveal a very happy unnie. "Y/N! I've missed you!" She nearly shouts, pulling you in for an eager hug. A surprised noise leaves her lips as her hands come in contact with the bundle behind your back, crinkling the plastic slightly in her excited state. 

"I got you a present," you say, smiling softly. Jisoo can feel the way your cheeks raise up, brushing against the skin of her neck as your head rests there, and her heart melts. After pulling out of the embrace, she wiggles her eyebrows at you.

"Well? Let me see!" You do as she asks with a chuckle, pulling her bunch out of the hold of the rubber band that's keeping them all together. "I got your favorite." You grin, sticking them out for her to see. Her eyes widen at the sight, and she's touched by the kind gesture. Flowers aren't particularly unique in terms of what companies and fans send them, but seeing the effort you put in makes it incredibly special. She couldn't be happier. 

"Y/N, you're the best." She presses a small kiss to your cheek as a thank you, and invites you in right after. Jisoo considers you to be one of the closest friends she has, so being apart hasn't been easy on her. You're the only person she's okay with venting and crying in front of, and she's been needing that lately. Sensing this, you pull a chair up to her vanity and let her fill you in on all the mayhem you missed out on during your time away, holding her hand for reassurance. When she gets a little frustrated, you rub her back gently, telling her to take her time. 

Jisoo is beyond thankful for you, and that becomes more and more apparent the closer you two get. Times like these hold a special place in her heart and remind her of why she loves you so much. You truly are a great friend to have, and there's no one she'd rather have in her corner. 

----

"Incoming! 3...2...1…" You call out, standing in front of Lisa's door, ready to knock it down and barge in. The greeting is an inside joke between the two of you, though neither of you know where its origins lie. 

"Yah! Hold on!" She shouts, nearly tripping and falling from how quick she rushes to the door. You laugh at the sounds of chaos coming from inside, wincing slightly when a thud rings out. Hair slightly disheveled, she opens the door with a huff. "This had better be good, because I almost died." 

Wordlessly, you reveal her present and smirk as the halfhearted scowl on her face disappears completely, giving way to a dopey grin. "You remembered?" She asks quietly, running her fingers over the petals of her all-time favorite flower. The fact that she sounds so shocked makes you sad -- not many people take enough time to notice the little things. They'd rather focus on profiting off of the girls' talents than actually caring enough to get to know them. 

"Of course I did, Lisa. You're one of my best friends; how could I forget?" The maknae pulls you in for a meaningful hug, allowing the gesture to tell you all the things she doesn't know how to express. She's not always the best with her words, but she makes up for it with her actions. 

"I really love you, dork. You know that?" She asks as she pulls away, ruffling your hair lightly. She cracks that smile that seems to make the world stop, and you just shake your head. 

"You'd better. Your flowers were the most expensive!" You tease, dodging her when she reaches out to grab you for that one. 

"Get back here!" She shouts, chasing you down the hall like a 5 year old, planning to get her revenge. 

---

"Jendeukie, open up!" You squeal, pounding on her door while throwing a look over your shoulder. Lisa is dangerously close, ready to tackle you as she continues charging down the hall. 

"Y/N?!" She exclaims from the other side of the door, clearly not expecting you to be here. 

"Hurry!" You can hear footsteps eagerly rushing towards the door, and just as she opens it, disaster strikes. 

Lisa's arms wrap around your waist, pushing you forward and right into Jennie. The three of you fall into her dressing room in a messy heap, limbs splayed in various positions as you yell together on the way down. You manage to keep the flowers out of harm's way, thankfully, and your arm remains stuck out just in case Lisa tries anything else. 

"Hello to you, too, Y/N." Jennie groans with a chuckle, the words coming out a little strained from all the weight on her. Lisa stands first, pulling you up right after, and you turn to help your best friend up as well. 

"I sure know how to make an entrance, huh?" Your lopsided grin makes Jennie weak in the knees, much like it has ever since she met you all those years ago, and she has to fight to contain the blush that rises to her cheeks. After bantering with Lisa for a few more moments you eventually push her out of the room, shoo-ing her back to her own in order to give yourself some one-on-one time with Jennie. 

You stick your tongue out at the maknae one final time before shutting the door and turning around, finding a very soft looking Jennie peering back at you. Her cheeks are pulled back in her signature gummy smile, and the fluffy sleeves of her Chanel sweater engulf her small hands as she cradles her face in them. 

Perhaps, if circumstances were different, you'd be hopelessly pining for this 5'4" angel instead of Rosé. Love knows no logic, though, and you're stuck chasing after a certain Australian beauty that never seems capable of giving you the time of day.

"I missed you," she pouts, pursing her lips adorably as she steps forward to wrap her arms around your shoulders. You pull her in and pick her up with a spin, smiling into her neck when she giggles in your ear. 

"Well, I'm here now. And luckily for you…." you start, allowing for some anticipation to build, "I come bearing gifts. Well, a gift. Singular." Jennie chuckles at your rambling -- it's one of the traits she finds most endearing about you, and she always hates it when people cut you down for it. It's adorable in every way. 

"Oh?" She asks, intrigued as she raises an eyebrow -- she's keeping the act up for you, of course, too fond of the cute smile on your face to tell you that she already knows what it is. You hand over the flowers with a little jig, too excited by how happy she looks to contain yourself. 

"They're beautiful, Y/N." She stops herself from adding a, "just like you," to the end of the phrase, wishing she was able to say things like that. You deserve to be reminded of how special you are everyday, and she knows her bandmate fails to do so. 

"So, what've you been up to?" You amble over to the couch that's tucked away in the corner of her dressing room, plopping down onto the cushions with a small bounce. Rosé's flowers lay beside you, and Jennie eyes them. 

"Same old, same old," she says, finally looking back at you with a tiny grin. "Practice for the comeback has kept us really busy lately, and somebody hasn't been there to tell us jokes at 3AM and keep us going." She playfully rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. 

"My most sincere apologies," you hold a hand over your heart in mock regret, bowing your head with closed eyes. "On the bright side, though, I'm back in town for next month or two. I finished the business deals we had to handle abroad, so now I'm all yours." 

She knows you didn't mean hers, but that doesn't stop her from pretending. 

A happy noise of approval slips past her lips, and she claps excitedly. The sight reminds you of some of the childhood videos she's shown you, the two looking eerily similar to one another. No matter what may happen in her life, Jennie will most certainly remain that innocent young girl at heart, getting scared by everything that moves and loving with her all. She's an amazing person to know, and part of you feels sorry for everyone who'll never get the privilege of knowing her personally -- after all, everyone deserves a Jennie Kim in their lives. 

"Are you celebrating with us later?" She asks from in front of her mirror, now brushing her hair to busy herself. She runs the risk of making her feelings too obvious if she doesn't keep herself occupied. 

"I was planning to, yes. But that might depend on Rosé." You inform with a nervous chuckle, an anxious smile playing on your lips. When you look up and find her brows furrowed, you elaborate. 

"I'm gonna try to ask her out today when I bring her these flowers." You lightly chew your bottom lip out of habit, rubbing your hands together. The mere thought of such a task is daunting, especially with your not-so-perfect track record when it comes to her. You still try to cling to what little hope you have squirreled away in your heart, wishing with all your power that your sweet present will convince Rosé to at least give you a chance. 

Distracted by your thoughts, you don't notice the way that Jennie's face falls. Her heart is breaking in silence, splintering into pieces far too small to put back together. She knew this day would come eventually, given that you're a determined person and head over heels for Rosé, but that doesn't mean she was prepared to find out like this. The lovesick glimmer in your eye hurts Jennie even more, knowing that you're probably imagining what it would be like for her to say yes to you. This whole time, Rosé has been stringing you along -- giving you just enough hope to keep coming back to her, using your devoted acts of kindness selfishly -- and Jennie would do anything to make you see that. You don't deserve what she puts you through. 

"...Earth to Jennie!"

The brunette snaps back to reality and clears her throat, attempting to gather her thoughts again. 

"Sorry, just got lost there for a second." She says, looking back into your eyes after a moment. A curious look plays in them, and she can practically see you debating on whether or not to question her further. She lets out a quiet sigh of relief when you accept her answer, choosing instead to smile at her. 

"It's alright. But what's not alright, is that I've been sitting here for 5 minutes and you haven't come over to cuddle me. I mean seriously, a girl's gone for forever and her best friend doesn't bombard her with love?" You shake your head with an amused smile, throwing your hands in the air. 

Oh, the things she would do to change that title. 

Successfully suppressing the pang of longing that runs through her, Jennie quips back, "A month and a half is hardly forever, Y/N." 

"It felt like it, though. I missed seeing you." 

She finds you pouting, your arms folded across your chest like a toddler, and her heart melts. Any amount of time without you is too long for Jennie's liking, and she's happy to know you missed her as well. 

"Fine, I guess I can spare some cuddles." She pretends to be put out as she approaches you, really playing the part by huffing and looking uninterested. Inside, though, she's celebrating. She can't wait to hold you close again, even if it may lead to her hurting herself with the what-ifs and scenarios that play in her mind. 

"Yay!" You shout, pulling her into your lap before laying your head on her shoulder. Her heart beats rapidly at the proximity, and she prays to every higher power in existence that you don't notice it. 

She relaxes after a moment, releasing the tension from her muscles as she sinks into your embrace. It's warm and comforting, and she never wants you to let go. Her head rests on top of yours, and she's content just running her hands through your hair, feeling your calm breaths against her skin. 

She's so in love it hurts. 

-----

This'll convince her, you whisper to yourself, attempting to sound confident -- key word: attempting. If there's one thing you know about Rosé, it's that she loves to be difficult with you. You caught feelings for her years ago when you were first introduced to each other at a company event, and ever since then you've done nice things for her nonstop, hoping that she'd fall for you with time. The longer you wait, though, the more discouraged you get. Regardless, those times that she appreciates your efforts make up for all the rest, and you'd gladly take 100 instances of the "bad" in order to have even just one of the "good". 

After taking a deep breath, you knock on the door a couple times.

A sigh can be heard, sounding like a complete 180 from the reactions of the other girls. The subsequent footsteps are heavy -- like she's dragging her feet, not even wanting to get up in the first place -- and they work to dishearten you a bit. Nevertheless, you imagine how happy she'll be when she sees the surprise, and a small smile makes its ways onto your lips. All you want to do is brighten her day, if only for a moment. 

An indifferent expression rests on her face when she first opens the door, likely expecting someone else to be standing in your place. Not much changes when she realizes it's you, though a sliver of a smile does quirk up at the corner of her lips. 

"Hiya Rosie," you greet sweetly, unable to contain how wide your smile grows at seeing her again. She makes you feel like a giddy school girl, and you can't decide if you love it or hate it. 

"What's up?" She asks, more out of common courtesy than anything else. Her body leans against the doorframe, her left arm resting behind the door. She didn't throw it open or invite you in like the other girls, so that tells you that she probably doesn't want visitors. 

When you take too long to answer, she asks dryly, "Are you just gonna stare at me?" Her voice is laced with a slight undertone of annoyance -- one that makes you shrink down a bit. You can practically hear how exhausted she is, and part of you feels bad for disturbing her with your presence. 

"N-no, sorry." You curse yourself for looking like a fool. "I got you something that I think you'll enjoy." Her eyebrows raise slightly and you can tell she's intrigued, even if she may try to deny it. 

"Here." You declare, nervously fixing the plastic as you hold the bundle in front of you. You want it to look perfect for her. 

"I, uh, hand picked it." 

"Thank you, it's lovely." She says politely, taking them from you and bringing them up to her nose. She admires the gentle, pleasant scent of them, and smiles appreciatively at you.

You blush under her gaze, slightly tripping over your words as you respond, "Of course, I'm glad you like it." 

Now, the part you dread: when the conversation dwindles down, threatening to end entirely unless you step up to keep it going. 

"Well, how've you been?" You cringe at the overused question, but you're willing to employ it in order to hear her sweet voice for a little longer. 

"Look, Y/N, I really appreciate the gift and all, and I'm really happy to see you again, but I don't feel like talking right now. I just want to enjoy myself for a little bit." Her denial makes you scrunch your face up, embarrassed beyond belief as her words sink in. You should've known that flowers wouldn't suffice. Perhaps that last line stung the most -- you try not to read too far into it, but the idea that she doesn't enjoy herself when talking to you nags at your heart. 

"Yeah, yeah. For sure." You scratch the back of your neck, awkwardly taking a step away from her door and back into the hallway. 

"I'll see you at the get together later though, right?" You ask, kicking yourself when you realize how hopeful you sounded. You have to get better at hiding it. 

"Sure," she nods, sending you a smile and little wave before saying goodbye and shutting the door. 

Well, that was a bust. Damn. Back to the drawing board, it is -- though your ego will need a few hours to recover. 

---

"Lisa, I swear to god, if you come near me with that I'll punt you across this room." 

Your very serious, totally-not-exaggerated warning evidently worked against you, because the maknae soon raises her head to look at you, grinning like a maniac. Frosting from the cake she just messily cut into covers her hands, looking threatening as she wiggles them at you. 

"I mean in!" You shout as a last resort, slowly backing away. You accidently bump into Jennie in the process, but you fail to realize that it was part of the plan all along: she and Lisa are in cahoots. When the maknae lunges, swiftly striding across the room towards you, you attempt to move out of her path and get somewhere safer. Steady hands on your waist keep you anchored in place, though, and you try to fight them. 

"Jennie?! Let me go, she's right there!" You squeal, trying to pry her fingers off of your hips one by one. She merely laughs, whispering a sorry into your ear right before Lisa's hands run across your cheeks and neck. You squirm, leaning further back against Jennie to evade the younger girl as she does her worst. 

Now, practically having a face mask of frosting, you step away from the girls and glare at them. 

"Bullies, I tell you." You say to Jisoo, groaning when she busts out laughing. It doesn't take a genius to know that you look a mess, and you'd probably laugh at yourself if the roles were reversed. The others soon join in, and a chorus of belly laughs fill the air around you. 

"Go ahead, laugh it up," you tell the girls, nodding your head, "Just wait til I get my revenge. I'm coming for you, Manoban." You point a finger at her as you exit the room, grinning when you hear the oooo's that they let out at your threat, and you make your way to the bathroom at the end of the long hallway before you.

On your way back, you hear Rosé's voice filtering in from one of the lounge rooms that branch off of the main corridor. Intrigued, you stop walking and listen in. 

Big mistake. 

Your ears perk up when you hear your name roll off her tongue, though her subsequent sentences crush your spirits. 

"...I know, right? She's honestly so annoying. Like earlier, I was finally getting cozy after our performance and then she just showed up."

Too shocked to leave now, you stay where you are and try not to let her words hurt you too much. She listens to the person on the other end of the line, laughing at something they said. That sound -- one you’ve grown to love more than anything else in the world -- is turning into something you hate. It feels like she's laughing at you; which, in hindsight, she probably is. 

"Exactly! She had flowers for me, as if I don't get those almost everyday already, and I guess she really thought that that would win me over. It was sweet but, c'mon, you know?"

Every insecurity you have is nagging at you, and you can't stop the few tears that roll down your cheeks at her brutal honesty. She's really hurting your feelings, and you can't help but want to call her out for it. So, you do just that: you step into the open room, one that lacks an actual door, and say, "Next time you wanna talk shit about someone, maybe you should make sure they're not around to hear it." 

Her smile falters slightly, and she spins around to face you. A hint of guilt plays on her features, but you're sure it's only because she got caught -- she definitely meant everything she said. 

"Y/N--"

You don't stick around to listen to what she has to say. Her change of behavior surprised you, and you can't trust that she's even sorry for it. 

Your pace quickens as you hear her voice become clearer -- she's in the doorway now, calling after you, but you don't even turn around. The salt of your tears greets your tongue, and you're once again reminded to wipe your face as you rush down the hall, rounding a couple corners and darting past countless doors on your way. You just want to get out of this place and be alone. 

A new voice slows your strides as it greets your ears, feeling like a security blanket in its gentleness. It's Jennie. "Y/N? Why are you crying?" She came to look for you when you took too long to return from the bathroom. 

You're far too embarrassed to look at her, so you simply sniffle and raise a hand up in her direction. "Don't worry about me, Jen. It's not important." 

"Hey, yes it is. You're upset and that matters." She steps towards you, saying the words that you had no idea you needed to hear so badly. Your heart aches, still shocked by the fact that Rosé would say such things about you. You thought you were friends, if nothing else, and yet that's never felt further from the truth than it does right now. 

When you don't move away, Jennie takes that as a sign to bring you into her arms, cradling your head against her chest. The kind act hurts your heart more for some reason, and you want to pull away. Jennie senses this and decides to rub soothing circles on your back, her warm embrace comforting you as she says, "I don't know what happened, Y/N, but I'm right here. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, either, but please don't leave like this. I hate to see you upset." 

Something about the way she's holding you, so close and tenderly, is comforting beyond belief and you can't find the desire to leave anymore. 

"Can we at least go to your dressing room? I don't want everyone to see me like this."

"Of course, sweetheart. Come on." 

Sweet phrases of reassurance are whispered to you as she leads you away, keeping you safe from prying eyes the entire time. Jisoo appears in the doorway of the party room, raising a concerned brow when she sees the two of you approaching. Jennie shakes her head at the unnie before she can utter a word, giving her a silent answer as she uses her eyes to communicate what's happening. Jisoo eventually understands, and she offers a sympathetic nod when you pass by.  

-------

7 Months Later

"Hey Jennie, do you think you can go answer the door? I'd do it myself, but…" Jisoo trails off, glancing down at the bowl of partially mixed dough that sits in front of her on the counter. Her hands continue to knead the mixture as she looks up at the younger girl, subtly sighing in relief when she agrees. 

There's more than one reason behind having Jennie be the one to answer it. 

The brunette grabs a pen as she pads her way over to the door, ready to sign for a delivery package -- that's usually the only thing they get at the dorm, considering guests are discouraged for the most part. Screw YG and their rules. 

Being a bit clumsy, Jennie accidently knocks her phone out of her own hand as she opens the door, muttering out a quiet “shit” as she bends down to retrieve it. Her eyes trail over to the stylish boots that set just a few feet away, and her breath hitches. 

"Hi baby." You greet with that healing smile that she's missed so much, peering down at her with a look in your eye that makes her heart trip and stumble over itself. 

"Y/N!" She shrieks, jumping up from the ground and right into your arms. 

"Uumph--" you let out in surprise, making sure to catch her and prevent her from falling. Ever since you two began dating a few months ago, leaving has become harder and harder. Jennie is beyond thrilled to have you back again, and she tries not to think about the next business trip you'll have to take. It's a methodical rhythm -- a month or two abroad and the same amount back home, then you're left to repeat the cycle over and over. Both of you hate it, and you'd much rather spend all your time with her instead. After all, ever since the incident with Rosé all that time ago, Jennie has steadily worked her way into your heart and become someone you can't live without. You were close before, but you've reached a new level now -- and that's about the only thing you can thank Rosé for. By hurting you and showing you how little she cared, she effectively pushed you right into Jennie's waiting arms.

"I'm so happy you're home." She says with a sigh, truly grateful to have you in her arms again. You wrap your arms tighter around her waist and sway a little bit, both of you content with just holding each other for a while longer. The weather outside is dazzlingly perfect; signs of summer apparent in everything around you. Birds chirp their looping songs as they fly through the air, feeling the sun's gentle heat on their wings all the while. 

You move your head enough to be level with hers, bringing her in for a long-overdue kiss. She smiles into it, cupping your cheek with one of her hands as she languidly moves to deepen it. 

Rosé should've stayed in her room. She should've ignored her stomach's incessant grumbling for a snack; but she didn't. 

She gave in, and now she's stuck, rooted in place as she watches Jennie kiss you, the one that got away. It's like watching a train wreck: she can't look away, and part of her psyche knows she deserves this. The apple in her hands is the only thing working to distract her, and she grips it tightly within her clutch to comfort herself. You look good -- so good -- and Rosé doesn't know whether to be happy or not. She knows she didn't treat you right -- then or ever -- but for some selfish reason that she doesn't dare give voice to, she wants you to still be hurting. She wants you to be suffering like she is now, crying into your pillowcase at night when she crosses your mind. She wants you to miss the good times, though there may not have been enough of them, and she wants you to want her again. 

You've turned the tables on her, and she doesn't know how to cope. 

She realized what she had once it was gone -- once you were gone, too busy falling in love with Jennie to pay her any mind anymore. She misses how devoted you were to her and how much care you put into everything you did; she misses the consistency that you offered; she misses every sweet thing you ever did for her. Hell, she even misses hearing you ramble and seeing you blush when all she did was smile at you. 

But you're gone now, destined to be with her member when all she wants is another chance. She'll never get it, certainly not after everything she's put you through, and she resents herself for treating you so badly. All you ever did was care, and she was too self-centered to give a crap. 

She deserves this. She deserves to see you happy with Jennie, happy in a way she could never make you. For you, she deserves to hurt; to silently cry in her room when she hears the two of you on call, laughing about whatever new thing you experienced that day. Because it wasn't just the one instance of pain she inflicted on you; it wasn't just that one night at the performance hall -- it was a steady build up of rejection and half-assed excuses, and even she can't blame you for getting tired of it. She wishes she hadn't been so stupid to deny you. 

What's worse is that she's actually fallen for you now; she imagines what could've been, what would've been, had she given you an honest chance. She's never tried to deny how gorgeous you are -- that's a given -- but now you're bruisingly beautiful, shining with the happiness that Jennie's worked hard to instill in you again. Shining with the love you hold for that 5'4" angel. 

Maybe, if circumstances were different, you'd be in Rosé's arms right now. Perhaps in another life. 

---

"Do you want to come in? Jisoo's working on some dessert for the lunch we just made. We can heat you up a plate in the meantime…" Jennie trails off, hoping to persuade you. She knows it's risky, considering the tension that feels almost tangible anytime the three of you are together, but she doesn't want to let you go so soon. 

"I don't know…" The uncertainty in your voice is clear, and Jennie watches as a slight grimace crosses your features when you look past her and into the dorm. Luckily Rosé had already found the will power to move to the dining room, so you're spared from seeing her just yet. 

"If things get weird or uncomfy we'll leave, okay? I promise." She says, knowing she's convinced you once you give her a little nod. 

"Okay. But I'm only doing this because I missed Jisoo's cooking." A playful glint shimmers in your eye as you quirk your head to the side, teasing her. 

"Hey!" She groans, pushing your shoulder as the two of you walk down the little concrete path that leads to the front door. "I'm kidding! I missed Lisa's jokes, too." 

You laugh at the gasp she lets out, and you make sure to turn around and press a kiss to her temple to stop her from pouting. 

--

"So, Y/N, where did you go this time?" Jisoo asks, leaning against the marble island of the kitchen as she pops a piece of tanghulu in her mouth. The crack of the sugary coating pulls your attention away from Rosé, where it had momentarily been -- she looks awful. Bags rest underneath her eyes, her normally vibrant features crestfallen now as her gaze scans across the food on her plate. 

You look at Jisoo as you answer her. "The states. We worked with some local companies and small businesses to get more promotional material out in front of people. It's actually pretty amazing, guys -- you're blowing up over there. They love you." The girls smile at your words, feeling a sense of accomplishment swell within themselves. Back when they were trainees they never imagined that they'd end up this far, and yet here they are, seeing their dreams come true, day after day. 

You're just happy to be along for the ride. It's not easy by any means -- people often crack under the pressure and get discouraged by the hustle and bustle of everything that such a major operation entails -- but you've never been more thankful for a position in your life. 

"As they should," Lisa smirks, looking self-assured with the little cocky motion she does. You almost choke on the piece of food you just stuffed in your mouth, laughing at how ridiculous she looks. 

After successfully not dying, you look at her and shake your head. "Lisa, what is wrong with you?" She puts on her infamous meme face, pretending to be shocked by your question, and you cackle again. The sound makes Rosé jealous; she wishes she were the one making you laugh like that. 

Another hour or so passes with the 5 of you just relaxing and snacking together at the table, taking turns trading stories and jokes in the meantime. After finishing your dessert and complimenting the unnie's cooking skills, you make your way towards the kitchen with a groan of, "I'm so full" thrown over your shoulder. 

You begin washing the dishes, finding it only fitting seeing as they spent all that time preparing such a good meal. It's the least you can do. A smile tugs at your cheeks when you hear the door open, followed by light footfalls against the hardwood. Jennie. 

Warm arms snake around your waist as she hugs you from behind, resting her cheek against your back. Your brows furrow when you notice an unusual thing -- either Jennie grew a few inches in the last 5 minutes, or someone else is holding you. Their cheek reaches a place Jennie isn't tall enough to, and it all hits you.

It's Rosé. 

You go to shut the water off and step away, but the sounds of her quiet sniffles give you pause. "Please don't." She whispers into your shirt, bunching the material up within her fingers against your stomach. A pang of sadness pulls against your heart strings, the long forgotten feeling reignited by the waver in her voice. "Rosé," you start with a sigh, ready to launch into the practiced speech of how happy you are with Jennie now and how you've moved on. She tugs at your shirt, slowly turning you around, and you can't find it in yourself to break her heart even further in this moment. Her eyes are filled with what tears have yet to stream down her face, brimming with the salty liquid you hate to see. 

Even after everything, you can't stand to see her cry. 

So, perhaps stupidly, you allow her to lean forward and rest her head against your chest; you let her fall into your arms, sinking into the embrace she never intended to miss so much. 

It was innocent. Completely, utterly innocent, but Rosé couldn't stop herself -- not when you were there again, right in front of her, looking so good it hurt. She wrapped her arms around your neck, pushing her lips against yours in a kiss you weren't prepared for at all. Her mouth moved quickly against yours, knowing you'd be shoving her away at any moment. But she was okay with being selfish again -- she needed you then, and you allowed her to keep kissing you until you realized what was happening. 

As you go to stumble away and put distance between the two of you, the door once again opens; only this time, it's actually Jennie. Her eyes immediately dart between the two of you as she notices how Rosie's hands are still holding you close, both of your lips swollen from the kiss. All at once you realize how the situation must look, and you begin panicking. You knew this was a bad idea from the start. 

"Jennie, no. I promise this isn't what you think." You shake your head, finally freeing yourself of Rosé's grip as you take a couple steps towards your girlfriend. She takes an equal amount back, scoffing lightly at the memory of the scene she just witnessed. 

"Yeah, okay," she says, sounding anything but convinced as she makes her way towards the door. You go after her, but she holds a hand up -- after knowing her for so long, you've learned that that signal means to give her some time alone. Both of you know you'll go after her again later, but she needs some time right now. As she leaves the dorm, the heavy sound of the door shutting is the only noise that cuts through the palpable tension. 

"How could you do that?" You ask, voice small, not even turning around to look at Rosé. You doubt that she's even sorry. 

She isn't sorry. At least, not for kissing you. It felt good to have you like that, and she doesn't regret it. However, from what angle of your face your side profile offers to her, she can see how upset you are. That's what makes her feel the slightest bit guilty for her timing. 

"I spent so much time trying to get you to notice me, and now you choose to do that? You're unbelievable, Roseanne-- I'm finally happy, and what, you want to ruin that?” She takes the blows as they come, staying quiet. “If you've ever cared about me at all then you'll stay away." You set your jaw, willing the tears to go away. You've wasted too many on her, and you'll be damned to look weak right now. 

"Y/N, I-" 

"No. Don't apologize when we both know you don't mean it. You've always been selfish, Rosé." You bite back, not caring if the words cut her down like her old ones always used to do to you. Earlier, before her little stunt, you were starting to feel sorry for her; clearly though, that was yet another mistake on your part. 

You leave without another word, praying that she doesn't further complicate the situation by following after you. Jennie is the only thing on your mind as you hop in your car, having an idea of where she might be.

--

"Jennie, no. I promise this isn't what you think." 

Your worried voice replays in her mind for the millionth time, further tormenting her. She's been cheated on before, so that phrase isn't a new thing to her. 

She was always afraid this would happen. She used to lay awake at night, overthinking as usual, wondering when the beautiful thing the two of you created would ultimately come crashing down. It was too good to be true, and she curses herself for foolishly believing any different. 

The better part of an hour passes by as she sits on the park bench, reminiscing on all the memories you've made here. The idea of ending things with you and starting over with someone else sinks in, and she hates the feeling. She only wants you -- she's only ever wanted you -- and the thought that things could really be over now hurts her more than she cares to admit. 

Your eyes scan across the park, ghosting over the playground equipment until they zero in on her, sitting near the fountain that you shared your first kiss. Such a sap, you smile bittersweetly. 

You ruffle through the plastic bag that sits in the passenger's seat, moving the receipt out of the way so that you can pick up what you're really after. Returning your hands to the steering wheel, you grip it while giving yourself a little pep talk before exiting the car. You press a kiss to the present in your hand for good luck, hoping this encounter will go well. 

Water spouts from the top of the fountain, the sound growing louder the closer you get to Jennie. Her back is turned to you, and for that you're thankful -- you're not quite prepared to see how she'll be looking at you. Now just a few feet away, you say, "Marry me."

You’ll do whatever it takes to show her how crazy you are about her.

Her head whips around, completely taken aback by your proposal. She thinks that there's no way you're serious, but when she looks down to find her favorite flavor of ring pop in your hand, her eyes widen. You're sick of wasting time, and seeing that she hasn't yelled at you or turned you away yet, you take advantage of the situation. 

"Marry me, Jennie," you repeat, taking small, careful steps towards her until you're right next to the bench. "She kissed me, but I tried to push her away. I told her that you're the only one for me." 

She blinks, taking in your words as she notices you nervously toy with the plastic wrapper of the candy. She knows you're telling the truth; you're a terrible liar, and you wouldn't be here right now if you didn't want her back. If you wanted to choose Rosé over her, you had the perfect opportunity to do so back at the dorm.

But you don't; you want Jennie, and now you're standing in the middle of your favorite park, proposing with a piece of candy to prove that to her. The things you do for love. 

"It just scared me, Y/N. Seeing her wrapped around you like that--"

"I know, baby. I know. But I promise I didn't want it, and it meant nothing to me. I'm so in love with you, Jennie Kim." 

She smiles at the dopey grin on your face, seeing how smitten you are. 

"Okay," she answers back, yet again looking at your hands. 

"Is that a yes?" You ask, slowly beginning to tear open the wrapper. 

"Yes, dummy. I'll marry you." She declares, nodding her head with a laugh at how slow you are sometimes. 

"Yay!" You shout, stepping forward to pick her up in your arms. You set her back down with a smile, slipping the ring onto her finger as your heart soars. 

Jennie kisses you, letting the action convey all the emotions she's been through in the past few hours. "I love you." She sighs, resting her forehead against yours. 

"I'd surely hope so, jagi," you smirk against her lips, giggling at the squeal she lets out when you playfully pinch her side. Her kisses are replacing all traces of Rosé, and she's comforted by the fact that you'll so adamantly choose her, everyday. 

With a smile, Jennie realizes something: never again will she be forced to dream of having you in another life -- her wishes came true, and now she'll have you in this one, always.

[chrisevansluv]

This is so random but also timely. There’s this book called, “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen. There is a quotation in the book that coincided a lot in the turmoil of this fandom.

Sydney Banks once said, "Thought is not reality; yet it is through thought that our realities are created."

I think this fandom always have this pandemonium because some put themselves unto Chris’ chokehold - formulating a reality dissonance. And by then, when something doesn’t resonate their perceived reality, they think about their thoughts. And that is when they begin to get taken on an emotional rollercoaster. All sorts of internal turmoil displayed behind anonymity. Voila! Everyone is intransigent.

But I really advice that if something in this fandom is already causing a great deal of anxiety, take your time off, get away from the things setting you neurotic, and touch some grass.

“It's not possible to just entirely stop thinking, but what we can do is reduce the time we spend thinking so that it gets smaller and smaller each day that passes. Eventually we can get to the point where we spend most of our day not caught up in our thinking and live in a blissful state most of the time.” (Don’t Believe Everything You Think, pp. 39)

I love this, every single word.

Sometimes we think we know what's going on, but we're just projecting our own thoughts and ideas onto the picture (yup, me included. I think we all do that). The problem is whether we are conscious and put a stop to it, or we keep dragging it because it starts to become one type of comfort zone for us.

You're so spot on with this, especially with everything that's been going on since November and the way fans react to a situation we don't even know a 5% of. And it's quite relatable to the way some fans perceive Chris, in general (let's be honest). We've seen how a fair amount drag him or turn their back at him as soon as Chris does/says something that's not pre-planned in their heads (as if real Chris was one fake sim trying to ruin the CE living in their heads' career, and at the same time thinking the CE living in their heads is actually the legit one). This doesn't mean we shouldn't call him out when he fucks up (he's human and makes mistakes, and NEEDS to know what he does wrong in a respectdul and chill way).

Anyway, thought this ask was worth the read. I'm saving this book on my recommendation list!

[duggardata]

Erin is Pregnant!  (Wow!)

Get The Details, Data, and Predictions Here.

Normally, “shocking” is the last word I’d use to describe a Bates Pregnancy...  But, this one actually is!  After ruptured ovarian cysts forced her to have “one ovary ... and most of [the] second” removed, Erin (Bates) Paine is expecting—something she recently said would be “a huge miracle.”  Against all odds, the Paines’ 5th Child is due in January 2022.  Sharing the news via People, Chad said—

“Everyday life is a miracle, but this is such a special miracle for our little family.  For the past year, Erin has experienced different health problems, which ended up leading to multiple surgeries.  After consulting with our doctor, we realized having another baby was not going to be in our future.  It was sad, just because we both really love kids, but I knew Erin's health was the biggest priority, and we were overwhelmingly grateful for the four little blessings God has already given us.  We were content knowing that God sometimes has a different plan than our own.  As you can imagine, we were absolutely blown away when we found out the good news and really in shock!"

Read on for a full analysis—

Do we know Paine #5′s Due Date, or can we estimate it?

What is Paine #5′s Projected DOB?

Should we expect a Name / Sex Reveal and, if so, when?

How is Duggar Data planning to handle this data, given Erin’s recent health issues and surgeries?

How does this impact the Paines’ PP and ESOQ?

Will the Predictor resume pregnancy predictions for Erin + Chad?

Approximate Due Date, Projected DOB

As of 12:30 PM PST on August 24, 2021, the Paines haven’t said much about the Due Date...  All we know is that Erin is due in January 2022.  With nothing else to go on, Duggar Data will use the midpoint of January—i.e., January 16, 2022—as Erin’s Approximate Due Date (ADD), for now.

That said, Erin consistently delivers early—like, early early.  She gives birth 27 Days Early, on average, and she has never gone past Day 256 (24 Days Early).  Based on her ADD of January 16, 2022 the Predictor actually expects she will deliver in 2021.  Paine #5′s Projected DOB is December 20, 2021.

When to Expect The Sex + Name Reveal

Erin has revealed each of her 4 Children’s Sex + Name, before birth.  (And she has always done a joint reveal—i.e., Sex + Name, at the same time.)  Typically, the Paines do the joint Sex + Name Reveal when Erin is 126 Days Along.  But, with an ADD of January 16, 2022, Erin is already further along than that!  So...  They’ll probably do it soon.  Hard to say when, though!

How Will Duggar Data Deal w/ This Data?

Erin’s ovarian surgeries obviously slowed her down, here...  There’s simply no way they didn’t.  As such, it makes sense to factor in that ‘delay’ by adjusting the Child Spacing associated with this pregnancy.  Duggar Data already dealt with this issue with Alyssa...  Alyssa + John had a larger–than–normal spacing between Zoey and Maci due to Alyssa’s heart arrhythmia, which also required surgeries.  For them, Duggar Data dealt with it by simply ignoring the period of time between Zoey’s Birth and Alyssa’s 2nd (and Final) Surgery...  Maci’s Child Spacing is counted from the Surgery Date, not Zoey’s DOB.

I’ll do the same thing here, counting Paine #5′s Child Spacing from the day of Erin’s Last Surgery.  But...  At this point, we don’t know exactly when Erin had surgery...  So, that’s a slight issue!  Hopefully Bringing Up Bates might provide more information, here.  If not, we do know that she’d had 3 Surgeries prior to February 7, 2021.  (See Also.)  Also, it appears that she had her 1st Surgery at some point after she had COVID for the first time, and that was in August.  So, basically...  3 Surgeries between August 2020 and February 7, 2021.  Let’s just assume her 3rd (and Final) Surgery was in January 2021, shortly before Erin + Chad went public with her ordeal.  (This is entirely speculative, I’ll admit.)  For now, we’ll go with that, and count Paine #5′s Child Spacing from January 16, 2021—i.e., the midpoint of January—instead of from Holland’s DOB.

Effect on Procreative Pace, ESOQ

Counting from January 16, 2021 to December 20, 2021, it looks like Paine #5 will have a Child Spacing of 300ish Days.  That’s an outlier...  So, Duggar Data will hold off on analyzing this until we get a more solid date for Erin’s Surgery.  (And, if we never get one, I’ll have to treat Paine #5′s Spacing like an outlier.)

This is a developing datapoint.  I’ll let you guys know if I change my mind on how I’m going to deal with it, etc.

Based on non–Paine #5 Data, Erin + Chad’s PP is 552 Days.  Assuming that Paine #5 is born on December 20, 2021, and that Erin had Kelly Jo’s fertility, their 552–Day PP leaves them enough time to have 9 More Children...  Their ESOQ is, thus, 14 Children.  Prior to this, their ESOQ was 15 Children—and thus, Erin’s health ordeal ‘cost’ them 1 Child.

Will Predictions Resume?  

When Erin stated it would be “a huge miracle” for her to conceive ever again, Duggar Data halted pregnancy predictions for the Paines.  Now, it’s clear she actually can conceive...  As such, I’m planning to resume normal predictions.  This is subject to change if it starts to look like Paine #5 was just a one–time, crazy miracle that’s unlikely to recur.

We’ll play it by ear!

[shadowscans]

Translation of natalie.mu's Interview with Soumatou

Source: https://natalie.mu/comic/pp/shadowshouse03

With the TV anime “Shadows House” starting its broadcast on the 10th of April, Comic Natalie is running a special feature on the work. In this third installment of the series, the original author Soumatou makes their long-awaited appearance. Here, we are given the chance to hear them talk about the behind the scene of the production, the sense of speed that comes from the short amount of time between the adaptation decision and the broadcast, the background behind the creation of the original work where the characters have no face and whose expressions cannot be seen, as well as the story behind the creation of the 2-person unit Soumatou, with Nori in charge of design, and Hisshi in charge of drawing. It should be noted that in this interview, they are answering not as Nori and Hisshi but as Soumatou.

“It’s probably a work that’s hard to adapt into anime”

──Soumatou-san, when did you hear of the anime adaptation?

In 2019, about 50 chapters were made free to read online, and amidst the great response, we learned that the anime adaptation was greenlit.

── Making something open to the public has such an effect, huh?

When “Shadows House” started, it was a relatively subdued serialization. With the chapters being made free to read, people started sharing their thoughts through various means like Twitter, and the paper volumes were selling out. In regards to the public release, back when the person in charge proposed the idea, we approved of it since our impression was that “If not many people were reading it anyways, then let’s just give that a try.” Therefore, in the midst of all that, when we heard of the anime adaptation, we were very surprised. “Is there such a thing?” Because production starts immediately after the decision, it was very speedy.

──With how short the time period is between the decision and the start of broadcast, it doesn’t seem like you have much time to rejoice huh (laugh).

We were happy at the time of the decision of course, but apart from that, “It’s probably a work that’s hard to adapt into anime” was what we thought. In the first place, we’re the type that only believe in something we can see, so it didn’t really sink in for us. We were thinking something like “This project might not even fall through” (laugh). That is why ever since the anime adaptation was publicly announced, the feeling of joy finally sinked in.

──Soumatou-san, in what ways were you involved with the anime?

We supervised roughly all the main processes. When the anime adaptation was greenlit, since the person in charge advised me that “If you will be involved, then be involved with everything. If you won’t be involved, then don’t be involved with anything at all,” we thought “If it’s going to be like that, then we will do as much as we can.” However, the supervision of the script was quite hefty, and having to do that concurrently with the serialization was rather physically difficult.

──I had the chance to watch the first episode, and the thing that surprised me was the original development related to Emilyko’s establishment. Was it difficult to supervise these parts?

We had thought to draw that in the original work, though we decided not to since we thought it wasn’t particularly important. That was just a story from the original work which was added on. However, what was difficult were the adjustments made based on the decision at the script meeting to also depict elements or episodes which are not yet revealed in the original work. We have to think two steps ahead of the current plot of the ongoing serialization, then we have to put in stories or elements that would put us closer to that in the anime. It was a maddening task (laugh).

──If that’s the case, then it seems like it would be fun to compare the original work with the anime huh. Even though it’s difficult, was it refreshing to work on the anime?

Yes. Since we didn’t know anything about anime, or rather, we had no production know-how, so at first, we had no idea how everything would progress. To begin with, we gave them the material created for the serialization. Because we have already created a vast amount of material like the building’s 3D layout, it was easy to say “This is what the layout looks like.” In addition, even though the creation of the colored edition was intended for overseas readers, that material seemed to have been of use for the creation of the colors in the anime. In that sense, there might have been little materials that must be created when it comes to adapting it into an anime.

Supervising as far as the way soot is emitted and the movement of the Clingers

──Soumatou-san, what kind of impression did you have when you saw the anime?

We were amazed by how much more profound the atmosphere was than what we expected. We knew the character’s line drawing and the colors that go on them since we supervised it, but we can’t visualize the final image with just that. However, when we saw the processed recording with the background attached, we felt it was close to the impression of the original work.

──How about the directing?

Expressions that aren’t possible in the manga, such as the movement of the soot, Emilyko rolling on the ground or the inclusion of the song that the Living Dolls sang to themselves, left me with a strong impression.

──As for the soot, I was convinced that it would move like that. Was that also supervised by you?

As for the soot and the clingers, we were shown a few patterns, then we fine-tuned it from there.

──By the way, what kinds of patterns were there?

As for the soot, there was a difference in how it was emitted, be it softly or firmly. For the clingers, there was a difference in the movement, like whether it would move slowly like a cockroach or quickly. Such were the patterns that were there. We did quite a bit of trial and error.

Only the voice actors for Kate and Emilyko were entirely decided by others

──Did you go to the dubbing location?

We only visited for the first time to say hello. The voice actors went through the performance about 3 times. As we listened to the anime staff's directions without giving any input ourselves, we felt it fit our image. On the other hand, when the voice actors were asked by the director “Is there any part you want to re-record at the end?,” they responded with things like “I want to re-record this part” or “would this part be better like this instead,” one after another amending it. It was also the first time we observed a dubbing session, so we were very impressed.

──Well then, did Soumatou-san have any particular request?

There were one or two scenes where we thought “This doesn’t seem to come through, so we want it like this,” and asked them to redo the intonation. However, because anime has a fixed length, I felt that it was better to leave it to the director to draw out the best performance within that time limit. The rest of the time, it was alright for us to really just watch.

──That’s roughly how I imagined it to be. Well, then, please tell us about the impression you got from the main characters. First , how were Kate’s by Kitou Akira-san and Emilyko’s Sasahara Yuu-san?

The rough images of Kate and Emilyko’s voices in our own heads were just “calm” and “cheerful.” That’s why we were able to express our wishes after the audition for the other characters. However, just for these two, we only said, “Please use the person that fits the best'' and left it for others to decide (laugh). When we heard the audition, our impression was that Sasahara-san would fit Kate’s voice, and Kitou-san would fit Emilyko’s voice. However, when we looked at the results, it turned out to be the other way around. There are differences between the performance they did at the audition and at the start of the dubbing, though now we felt that this way was definitely more fitting.

──The other shadow and living doll pairs are played by one person each. What was your impression when you heard of that?

We stated in the original work that the shadows and living dolls have different voices. However, for the anime, when the idea to have the same person performing the roles was proposed, we told them that “we are looking forward to the voice actors doing their best.” The voices are altered based on vocal ranges, and I think the end result is that you will be able to enjoy the voice actors’ varied performances.

──Currently, the cast for four sets of characters has been announced. Please tell us your impressions about each of them.

Sakai Koudai-san’s duet between the hearty, easily carried away John and the cool-headed Shaun is very amusing. Both characters sound good, and their voices are cute. As for Sakura Ayane-san, she was able to portray the very different atmospheres between the lively Louise and the calm Lou.

──Those two consist of clearly different characters so it might be easy to work with, but I felt that the remaining two seem difficult.

Indeed. Kawashima Reiji-san has to play Patrick and Ricky - two characters whose voices and personalities are quite similar, so we thought it was quite a hard role. However, he was able to perform the roles with the understanding of the fine differences in the character of the two. For Shimoji Shino-san who plays the role of Shirley and Ram, there is a lot of dialogue with the imaginary friend, and she has to portray a different image than that of others. She said that “It’s a type of character that I have never played before,” but her voice fitted perfectly.

The pair’s 20-year relationship

──Well then, let’s move from “Shadows House” and let's hear about you Soumatou san, and your past works. You two work together as a pair, but when did you get to know each other?

We have known each other since when we were students, so it is already a roughly 20-year relationship.

──Why did you two start making manga together?

When Hisshi stopped submitting to manga awards, they no longer drew their own manga and ended up settling down as an assistant. I thought that this was a waste of potential, so when I quit my own job, I told Hisshi that I would write my own stories and asked Hisshi to draw them.

──Afterwards, you seemed to have created doujinshi for a while huh.

Yes. Because Nori normally doesn’t read manga and had not created a manga before, we thought to make a lot of them and send them to publishers. Since around 2008, we made a few and showed them at exhibitions. Afterwards, we were able to thankfully get in touch with Shueisha.

──It sure is amazing that you called out and said that you would “make your own story” even though you had no prior experience. Nori-san, what is it about the manga that Hisshi-san made that drew you in?

The composition is very skillful. To phrase it slightly poorly, even if the story is not that interesting, the skillful composition has the power to make you read from beginning to end. That is why Hisshi was able to receive rewards from various magazines.

──I see.

However, since I’m the type to make a manga from whatever episode or idea I want to draw, I have a good grasp on it, but I’m bad at putting things in order over a long span of time. I can draw one-offs, but they did not lead to serialization at all. It seemed like I was slowly running out of things I wanted to draw.

──How do you two divide the work for making the manga? For example, please teach us the making of a single chapter of “Shadows House.”

Firstly, Nori describes the entire course of events, then after bouncing the ideas off of Hisshi, it’s all put together into the plot. With that as the base, Hisshi makes the mini storyboards, which Nori then uses in the briefing session with the editor. Afterwards, Hisshi draws up the real storyboards, and after another meeting with the editor, we head to the rough draft. Hisshi checks that rough draft, then we work on things like new characters, backgrounds, minor characters and the frontispiece’s design. Then, Hisshi inks a pen sketch while Nori does assistant work around the characters. Finally, Hisshi puts the finishing touches and the manuscript is complete. Also, Nori makes the final adjustments to the dialogue right before submission.

──You sure communicate in great detail.

We think we go back and forth more than others whose original works and drawings are separated. Furthermore, we also consult each other when we come to a standstill in our work.

Both “Kuro” and “Girigiri out” have the same ingredients

──Well then let’s return to “Shadows House”, please tell us how and from where you got the idea for the work.

I was staring at a mannequin at a clothing store when the idea suddenly flashed in my mind. The rest is a mishmash of things such as Hisshi’s specialty of clothes and backgrounds, as well as our shared interest in buildings and everyday life in a strange setting.

──Even if you have come up with the idea, it must take courage to make the main characters pitch black, right?

Mangaka are tasked with doing works like drawing facial expressions, though we wondered whether it was possible to present emotions without facial expressions in “Shadows House.” Nori simply thought that “It can be done in novels, so it should be possible in manga too,” and Hisshi hates drawing characters’ faces (laugh). Hisshi even says that “I just want to draw clothes and backgrounds” all the time. Of course Hisshi tries to draw the characters cutely, but that’s without a spontaneous desire to do so.

──That’s surprising to hear, since in your previous work “Girigiri out”, the charm of the beautiful heroine is pushed to the forefront.

Originally Nori was a graphic designer, and Hisshi was a Mangaka’s assistant, so it was deeply ingrained in us to accede to others’ demands. There wasn’t anything that we could say “We want to draw that!” about as Soumatou. Because of that, basically, we are the type to start by fumbling at themes and genres that the editor has an interest in. From there, we come up with various things, and the engine gradually starts. Moreover, at the serialization meeting, among the three works we submitted, “Girigiri Out” was a discarded idea to give the impression that we were trying our best. We thought that if we submitted three works at the serialization meeting then it could look as if we’re trying our best (laugh). Since we didn’t think of anything aside from the 3 chapters submitted at the meeting, when the time came for the serialization, we were worried about what to draw from there.

──”Girigiri Out” is about a situation surrounding a girl who wets herself when she’s nervous, and a boy with the power to suppress someone’s urge to urinate through touch. Even though you have only thought of 3 chapters, during the serialization, you drew quite a few variations on wetting oneself huh.

Generally speaking, we were motivated to make every chapter a different situation (laugh).

──Furthermore, among your previous works, “Kuro” has parts that felt connected to “Shadows House”, but “Girigiri Out”’s style was surprising. I understand now that it’s a story that started from fumbling about with themes and genres of interest to the editor.

However, maybe it’s hard to notice, but the themes drawn in “Kuro” and “Girigiri Out” have quite a bit in common. Everyday life in a strange setting, strange characters that are not people, restlessness, action, surreal jokes, familial love, release from trauma, folk beliefs… the packaging is different, but “Shadows House” also has roughly those same ingredients.

We want to do a gag manga next, but it might be difficult?

──Please let us hear a bit more about “Shadows House.” The story was carefully foreshadowed from the beginning, but just how far ahead did you plan at the start of the serialization?

Since the beginning we have faintly thought about what happens very far ahead into the future, and from there we flesh it out. However, we don’t know how long each part will take if we haven’t drawn it, and parts do change due to the characters’ relationships. For example, at first we had planned for the Debut to end in about 3 chapters.

──In reality it took a volume and a half. That sure is a big change.

We have a bad habit of putting off thinking about the minute details.

──The garden in the Debut also had such a complicated map that I didn’t think it was planned to end in just 3 chapters.

The person in charge is someone who likes exciting and shounen-like things, so we were told that “If I go to the garden then I want a map of the garden.” Though, since we haven’t thought of anything, we spent the next day making a map of the garden as well as all of the gimmicks (laugh). We feel like without that, the story would have been aimless, so we appreciate the advice.

──It certainly has an exciting adventurous feel to it, so the Debut looks like something that would shine in an anime huh. By the way, when I was reading “Shadows House,” the thing that surprised me the most was how screentone was not used at all. I’m sorry that it’s a simple question, but isn’t that quite difficult?

It normally is difficult (laugh). Originally, for a drawing method that suits the work, we wanted something that is reminiscent of old printed works. It started when Nori, who was simply bored, lightheartedly suggested that “This time let’s use hatching (Method of filling in space using uniform parallel lines).” It limits the range of expressions, so now we do regret it a little bit.

──I will continue to enjoy your wonderful drawings from now on. Lastly, you mentioned that “there wasn’t anything that you wanted to draw as Soumatou,” but when you finish drawing “Shadows House,” please tell us what genre you want to tackle next.

Let’s see… how about gag manga? We originally started with drawing gag manga, and the works submitted together with “Shadows House” at the serialization meeting also had comedy in them. However, the gag portion was so hard to do that the editor was put off by it. It might be difficult, but it would be nice if we could publish it some day (laugh).

[zumpietoo]

Haha I had a feeling once it was clear BH weren’t happening (at least in the way they want), they would try to pin it on Cole. Well can she please explain if Cole is the Bully why does Cole seem to avoid them and their homes/events for the most part (with sometimes in the past KJ has been an exception). Yet many of the cast seem to show up where Cole and his friends hang out. If he was such a bully why would they do that. As you, petals and previous anons have said, try to at least make your bs be consistent and make sense. Further, there is no evidence of Cole bullying Lili other than your fake insiders but we do have Lili pulling on his shirt while he looks hella uncomfortable and as you said her throwing something at him hard on camera. Where is your evidences jmas ?

Oh yeah.....and LBR, it was always moar of KokeJ glomming onto Cole than the other way around, so yeah....funny how everybody is desperate to chill with the evvolll bully. Also love the back to Luke was a saint, narrative.....cuz, yes, it's sad he died, but nooo....

(Now to completely hijack this shit)

Meanwhile, their allusions to Lipstick Alley (even moar hilarious as a credible source, 5 bitter lesbians sulking cuz Cole gets moar pussy than they do....while still preferring PP with dudes over chicks....cuz, LBR, just usual self inserting PPstans) sent me searching for some info there....Andddddd.....

I continue to loooovvvvveee how reality and time keep proving them all wrong:

Apparently in fall 2020 Cole was "put on notice to shape up or ship out" by Plaiderdale.....they "didn't know if this meant clean up/get sober, stop fucking around with endless wimmins or lose weight, but it was def totes true!!!".

This was also, apparently, merely a twitter rumor and, ofc, complete bullshit.

I was also FASCINATED to learn I was then sending rumors to DM, way before I sent the one about GymD cheating (no, I didn't, just saying)...including how Cole and PP were always splitting up during hiatus, but would then reconcile once the show resumed, cuz Pee Arr...AND that other, moar knowledgeable "insiders" had contradicted this, but DM refused to publish it....

Ummm.....dudes, while, yes, we now all KNOW they were, apparently, endlessly splitting up (as confirming by RAS, himself), I am the last person to have everrrrr stated it was remotely "for Pee Arr"....plus, yes, clearly, they did only last as long as they did, because secluded/on the same show/etc (as Cole himself alluded to recently), in no way was it pretend or following any sort of schedule. And we know they spent time together during hiatuses...(unlike the rest of the cast).

AND this was before I even followed DM....and only earlier this AM, I asked how one submits shit there in the first place....

I am also, apparently, "insane/crazy" entirely because I prefer Cole to PP....which, dude..

A) in no way does preferring one celeb, for whatever reason make one "insane"

B) Honestly, again, why TF would you prefer PP, who gleefully shares her assholery, substance abuse, promiscuity (which is entirely her business, buuuutt....if you criticize Cole for imaginary shit, you gotta drag her for real) and nutbar antics, as well as shilling her cult and generally being a fairly shitty person over Cole, who's a perfectly decent guy? Because he's "an abuser"----which is the unsubstantiated/wholely debunked defamation by a bitter, fully admitted as mentally ill ex? Or is because he dumped that loon and the next loon, when he finally found the strength to do so?

I mean, really, at most/worst, you could say he haD terrible taste in partners, gravitating towards, literally, nu versions of his hot mess mommeee....which he seems to have admitted (at least to himself) and worked on, ultimately breaking the pattern....

Which is to be lauded....

C) I'm also NOT the one making up shit (both IRL and on the show) and then pretending I "got it from an insider", only to be fully disproven, over and over again....I've long been moar towards doing the detective work, myself...anyway....In fact, shouldn't the "crazy" peeps be the ones who keep being outed as full bore liars?