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#but at this point i dont have the energy to be like lol no im gay
clits-and-clips · 25 days
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Since writing the affirmations and starting manifestation again, I've actually been in a much better headspace. It's crazy how things align, and you end up where you need to be, especially through pain
#txt#have been reading the affirmations every day twice a day sometimes#doing my intentions and manifesting what i wsnt#which is mainly independence#also a good relationship with my ex from here#mainly stuff for me tho#and the full moon on Wednesday which is in scorpio which is his sun sign#will be a big release and maybe i can let go a bit or a lot lol#i need to move on and focus on myself and what i want in life and doing it all on my own#with support obviously but ive never been fully independent and im so ready for the blessings and the open doors#i dont know if ill truly ever be over him but i have to try for my own sanity at this point#i dont want to manifest anything selfish like him coming back to me because it probably wont happen anyway lmao#i hope i dont sound crazy lmao but coming back into my spiritual journey is definitely what i need#connecting with myself and my purpose feels like the only thing i can do rn#have a driving lesson tomorrow but in all honesty i could just go do the test and pass cause ive been driving forever and im good at it#just need to practice certain things but im nearly there! so close i can feel it and see it#anyway i hope i can keep this energy up and continue to head in a positive direction because it feels really good#if i need to cry about him and the loss then i will but im not going to dwell on it too much#i just need to take it as a lesson and let it go :)#cause at the end of the day i really did lead myself here whether it was his choice to end it or not#blah
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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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illidan · 1 month
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person who provided the spare parts but not the energy cell to the charging station i gotta ask. why
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crystalkitty1220 · 7 months
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Welcome back to tumblr! Hope you enjoyed your break
It was very stressful. Ended up failing the marking period for English, but not by as much as I was failing before. Could still pull up the overall grade by the end of the semester.
#started writing a fic a few days ago. been a while since ive done that.#so far felix is very out of character but he's only gonna be the focus for the first chapter. plus i might go back and rewrite him.#maybe i should wait until the new chapter comes out tho so it's relevant to updated canon#anyway echos started brainrotting about chris in a /pos way so yeah a lot of my break has been rethinking old analysis#started to notice that he's a lot more fun if i get in the mindset that he's not poorly written he's just literally isaac's antagonist#also my siblings have been hyperfixating on DC so i watched a batman series. i think they're very disappointed in me for choosing batwheels.#snowy best vehicle#. what else#oh ive been doodling a nightmare design#been liking the idea of him and dream not being skeletons but dont wanna draw/write them as their canon human designs#because (if i'm correct) they get those designs at some point later in the story. and i don't want to confuse the timeline like that.#so ive been working on concept sketches for a less human design for them. ive also noticed that them being humans in canon actually#makes a lot of sense because the other guardians don't really have any connection between their species and it can be assumed that#whatever they are exists in the universes/multiverse they're from. so it makes sense for the twins to be humans because the utmv has humans.#. but i also like how they couldn't be given the human forms at first because of the lack of holes.#so the design im working on has gill/stripe-looking vents for the energy to come out of.#also gonna try to add little fire wisps into the design because i love their true forms so much#anyway i dont think there's been more that ive done. other than schoolwork. and watching qsmp.#oh i started working on an animatic. but i do that all the time. it'll be a bigger occasion if i finish one lol.#think im gonna still keep interaction on tumblr to a smaller scale because i wanna keep getting stuff done
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me: spends hours scrolling through tumblr like a useless homosexual
also me, as soon as my straight friend calls me to rant about the same guy: suddenly gets the motivation to do my hw
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stevethehairington · 1 year
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grr i wanted to post my ficlets from here to ao3 as a big chaptered collection and i wanted to do it before the end of the year so the word count went towards 2022 since i wrote them all then but i am NOT going to be able to do that, there is NOT enough time left for all i still have to do for it 😔
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esoraluco · 2 years
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ddl. Blue is wearing merman leggings
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crest-of-gautier · 9 months
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made an eeny bit of progress in pq today... im like maybe 80% through the 3rd floor of you in wonderland and currently level 11...!
#pq#lizz.jpg#lizz.txt#i love how i say 'eeny' as if i did not play for like four hours. LOL.. i think i wanna play in smaller chunks next time#yall... i have so much fear of those gosh darn card soldiers... i dont want to know what my life is going to be like if they give f.o.e.s-#more gimmicks... THEY ARENT BAD I JUST. I REALLY DONT LIKE THE F.O.E. STARING AT ME#my (ougouoguough) of the f.o.e.s is so real that if i have energy i would totally make a doodle about it#dont really have much interesting things 2 report... i think next play session ill probably end up finishing the labryinth#it seems pretty close to done tbh esp since i stopped b4 the room with the three fucking f.o.e.s and im like#'i do not have the mental energy to figure out how to do this' (they say and proceed to write a text wall)#and im guessing we'll get to see the investigation team after finishing the labryinth?#the games being like REALLY silly right now but im like. squinting so hard at zen and rei you have NO idea how sus these guys are to me#not to go against my 'im not intelligent on this blog' policy but theres something about a thing that elizabeth said early on thats like#alerting the lizz sus radars. she said something like you wouldnt find living humans here and that they might theoretically be an entity-#that merged w/personas and shadows AND TO ME THIS IS A HGUE RED FLAG???#LIKE.... me just looking at how RYOJI fucking mochizuki is a thing and im like “ah i see now why they set it before ryoji” BECAUSE !!! AAA#because at this point sees wouldn't have met an entity like ryoji who is fucking shadow that is humanized by minato so uh like#if they met ryoji and were past dec 2 AND THEN PQ'D IT UP then they'd look at zen and rei in addition to what elizabeth said#then IDK WHAT IM SAYING BUT LIKE ZEN AND REI HAVE TO BE SOME KINDA ENTITY AND I DONT KNOW WHAT#for shits and giggles ill say death bc i like death as a thematic thing LMAOOO im a really delulu little guy rn dont talk to me#um. im being really normal right now yeah uh this should've gone under a read more oops ill do that next time#for my own sanity i will NOT go into what thoughts are brewing in my head (hypothezing what time the p4 cast was pulled from-#BUT ALSO THE WAY TEDDIE ALSO falls into elizabeth's description UGH screams into. a bucket.)#anyway for. something. thats not me spitballing i hope that i can see yosuke soon.. i want him in my party!!!!#i rlly like the game mechanics and while zen and rei have been great 2 start with they cant equip subpersonas... ough#ok thats. thats all. i did not expect to text ramble but (THIS IS ME WE ARE TALKING ABOUT i cannot shut up)#im having fun though!!!! its been nice to play smthn else for once LMAO i wonder how much ill get through b4 the month ends
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puppysdog · 11 months
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having a whats the point of it day
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bluemoongoth · 1 year
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evisxerate · 1 year
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Ppl on Tumblr will really sit here and act like sexuality can't actively be flexible or change over time. like okay lmfao
#like okay. i get in a way where these ppl are coming from and i understand having a rigid view of your OWN sexuality#but you cant push that on others and thats never how its worked#queer means a lot of fucking things#and a lot of ppl w/ rly flexible identities use that word too#yall love 'breaking the binary' until its shit like this and then you go down screaming that its homophobic#and that its r*pe????????? y'all#on that last point. im a generally sex repulsed asexual and i have sex. thats not r*pe. holy shit#yall are on some shit fr this is ridiculous#and yes im vagueblogging that one shitty queer theorist post going around bc i can guarantee if i said any of this#on that post id get called homophobic. which is frankly fucking ridiculous#without going too much into my own sexuality situation i just. idk man that shit frustrates me deeply#and feels like its working backwards#if you read the paragraph their quoting its rly not that bad and i seriously think ppl are either overreacting or just being assholes#yall are too much!!!!!!#ppl have fluid sexualities and identities thats just the fucking nature of being queer#and literally if you have identified as one thing your whole life good for you. sincerely#but i don't subscribe to that gold star ass mentality whatsoever#the topic is definitely way more nuanced than this but ive had enough getting mad on the internet for today lol#if you are also gonna be a tightass about the definition of QUEER of all things literally fuck off and goodbye. dont need that energy here#roach.txt
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snekdood · 1 year
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People are SO fucking weird about vegans. Like yeah i get it theres the ones who care more about animals than humans, the ones who are literally eco fascist, the raw vegans, the militant vegans, the ones who say theres no excuse to eat meat- i get it dude but thats not what makes up veganism as an ideology. The very basis of veganism as an ideology (not as a diet) is animal welfare. People can take something simple like that and pull it in a million different directions for better or for worse, same with the idea of reincarnation, or the idea that "people need to be treated fairly", because it brings up a lot of questions like "do people who treat people unfairly deserve to be treated unfairly?" Or "if reincarnation is real then does that take away the seriousness of death?" Or "if animals are mistreated, shouldnt we do everything in our capacity to protect them (even if it hurts others?)" But obviously all of those things can go in an opposite direction thats purely positive, "everyone deserves to be treated fairly regardless", "believing in reincarnation is fine as long as you dont think its fine to kill someone to 'liberate' them or something", "animals should be protected insofar as it doesnt greatly impact certain humans who may need to rely on them", etc. Like. Why do we have to pretend everything is black and white to keep pushing away and ignoring vegans?
#veganism is NOT tethered to militant vegans or whatever. militant vegans are vegan but they dont make up the entirety of veganism.#veganism has a very basic ideology that people can build off of in a million different ways just like any other similar basic idea#thinking vertain vegans are cringe is not a good enough excuse to ignore all vegans.#yall arent even on the same level of vegan as im on rn like dusjdksnjwb im on an entirely different wavelength dawg#i understand how you see vegans but i think people can be vegan even if they eat meat sometimes so#like i have an entirely different understanding of it as an ideology. its about doing what you can without letting yourself suffer#if you have to eat meat for some reason so be it. that doesnt make you any less vegan so long as you try to avoid harming animals#thats the VERY BASIS of my understanding of vegan ideology. or at least. the healthiest version of it imo.#sometimes i hafta eat meat because im poor. i hate it for a myriad of reasons (how i feel abt eating an animal. how my digestive system#also feels about eating an animal. etc lol) but i dont think that takes away my veganism bc otherwise veganism would be incredibly#restricted to a very specific type of person who has a shit ton of money time and energy to buy vegan shit and cook it and everything#its not impossible to eat vegan without a lot of money also but thats besides my point. it would generally fall under something only#more privileged people can do and i think thats a dumb version or understanding of veganism. and to reduce it to that#whether ur the vegan reducing it to that or someone on the outside observing vegans#is also dumb.#theyre doing it for elitist reasons and you're doing it to validate or push your political ideals of vegans.#bc its easier to dismiss all vegans as just privileged out of touch skinny white women than it is to listen to ALL vegan perspectives.
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astrxealis · 1 year
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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spnshameblog · 2 years
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.ok let me be petty in the tags for a sec. I just fucking hate it when ppl happily dish out but cant take it in return.
#HOW has it never come up that 4*lw included the fetishisation of asian people#in all the months people were talking about it.#idk i just find it weird that some people will be incredibly forceful and SHOWY#about calling people out for problematic behaviour or for consuming problematic media#but yall never noticed this?#and im not talking about ppl who quietly stopped talking about the fic after ppl started talking about#how truly harmful the b*sty asian b*auties thing was a few months back#im talking about ppl who usually jump at the opportunity to rip someones head off when you finally have a reason to call them out#and like. i know some of them have DEFINITELY read it. and they cannot have missed how harmful bab shit is#its like 'accountability but only for the things and people i already didnt like methinks'#maybe some of that. again. very SHOWY energy that goes into calling people out#after theyve already been called out btw. yall never actually add anything new yall just pile on.#maybe some of that energy can be spent on examining the stuff you didnt already kind of hate#and were just looking for a reason to like. be able to hate 'legally'#but introspection is a lot harder than public shaming i guess lol#(im not saying ppl should stop calling each other out. but maybe sometimes the callouts are just for the sheer pleasure#of being allowed to point fingers. absolutely still call ppl out on bs. but maybe dont take such sick glee in it. its very obvious.#especially when its a topic that doesnt actually affect you and youre 'just' an ally)#idk if someone feels attacked now. if you cant see the hypocrisy#in ignoring harmful stuff that you have LITERALLY send other ppl 'haha kys delete your blog' for?#🤷🏻‍♀️#hot take but sometimes self reflection is more helpful than callouts#m
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milflewis · 2 years
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skjsksk i am sorry if i confused you but i'll try to be more clear this time. okay what i mentioned was this tweet. so the problem is this: bc of the delay instead of completing the full laps, they went for completing the 2 hours of race time. however, when max crossed the finish line, there was still 5 seconds (?) left, which means he should have gone for another lap too. and engineers instructed their drivers thinking there would be one more lap. iirc bono told lewis there was another lap and even after they crossed the checkered flag both him and este still continued to race (bc they thought the race was ongoing). daniel's race engineer said there is one more lap and even told him to continue to push even though the race ended.
so the race actually ended one lap before than it should have been. ofc fia doesn't have tiniest bit of spine but in case of premature endings to the race, the final lap is omitted and the lap before is counted as final. remember the race where christina aguilera waved the flag early, they counted the lap before the final lap and i think daniel lost the fastest lap (not sure about that part though). so if they basically sticked to rules, they should have deleted the last lap and hence charles' penalty.
lmao?? how many different ways can they make his wdc illegal and fake
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#apologies for being whiny yet again but alas humans r social creatures and i have no desire to interact with physical ppl lmao#its just that im so so tired. ive been working on this manuscript for the last 2 weeks and i hate it so much. so i spend all week like i#cant wait for the weekend when i can avoid this. but my obsessive brain must have something to get obsessive abt and if its not work then#its something else and rn i can feel it creeping into my drawing. like i just want to draw all the time. more and more and more. i can feel#the goalpost shifting on what's qualities as acceptable and on one hand i feel like ive gotten a lot better in a short period of time but#but also it means i sit there for like 6hrs coloring until my legs hurt and ive wasted so much time and i spend hours filpping back and#forth. unable to commit to drawing any one thing. which is very annoying. idk its just exhausting bc all i can think abt is all the things#i should be doing instead but im stuck there until i can get x thing done#and i put so much pressure on the time i have to draw that most of the time im too paralyzed to do anything#bc executive dysfunction annoyingness. and my brain makes me stay up so late and wake up so early. im just tired#so im making myself miserable in all aspects of life. like no. stop that. pls#its just this like crazy frantic anxious energy constantly spinning in my chest#and its like oh u should make friends or something so u can get out of ur own head but like idk ppl are exhausting and i dont like#listening to myself talk. i find it personally annoying lol. i feel like some sort of alien when i go to lab meetings. like i see what's#happening and i understand the structure but like in a synical way. like im not reacting how im supposed to. the interactions dont make me#feel anything. i feel the same way when i go to the zoo or something. like im supposed to feel something but its not there. im forming#memories but then when i hear ppl reminisce abt it. its like oh yea i guess that did happen. i dont have the fond memories u seem to have.#i dont feel anything abt it. so then whats the point of doing things like that? its just a waste of time and money if im not gonna enjoy it#my emotions seem to shift between light misery and an obsessive almost manic focus. so ill smile abt thing but something deep in my chest#feels wrong. weird emotional disonace. agh. idk its just annoying and ive gotta sort myself out b4 i have to take a like 18hr car ride with#my boss in like 3 weeks or something. blah! i should just sleep more. that would prob help#unrelated#in a lab meeting once i got asked what i do to relax and im like. i dont. and my boss was like what abt drawing?#and i was like ahah i like to draw but im so obsessive abt it that its something i have to do#so its not so much fun as it is stressful so yeah i dont relax
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