#but considering we’ve had her 3 months she wasn’t even the worst dog or person there

[treewithabark]

Someone went to her first big event today!!

Our local walking grounds holds a “Medieval Fayre” one weekend a year, and Juno attended for at least 3 hours. I was so proud!!

[citydreamgrls]

they were roommates - part one

a weasley twins x fem!reader fic 

summary: she had nowhere to go, fleeing home to pursue something along the lines of freedom, so being welcomed into the entrepreneurial twins life was a whole world of new experiences waiting to happen. 

an: i would just like to point out that this isn’t a fic with a polyamorous relationship, sorry if that was what some people wanted, instead i wanted to keep which twin is the love interest a secret until the end. if u guys want to guess after reading this first part, feel free to do so, i would love to hear your guys’ reasons too !!  secondly, i would like to say a huge huge thank you to everyone for getting me to 600 followers, that’s absolutely mad like i’m blown away beyond compare, i love u all millions and billions i really am so grateful so thank you . hope you enjoy this first part, as always, <33

words: 5,790

warnings: swearing?

None of the nights seemed to turn into excitement, but this particular Tuesday evening in the Leaky Cauldron was passing slower than the rest had done. The paintings on the walls cast their weary eyes over the few lonely drinkers scattered across the dim room as even they contemplated calling it an early night. Y/n flicked through an old magazine and wondered if this place had ever seen much action, or whether the inn had become somewhere that paintings came to rest alongside grumpy travellers.

The girl hadn’t worked behind the bar long, only a handful of months now. But since then not a single bar fight had broken out, no one ordered anything out of the ordinary, and she struggled to remember seeing a single nice man pass through the doors. Besides the Weasley twins of course, who were running late for their weekly drink.

“Slow night?” Hannah came up behind her, carrying a stack of clean glasses and placing them under the counter. The girl swiped away her magazine and nodded, doing her best to hide the guilty blush that grew on her cheeks whenever she lied. It had always been a curse.

“I can do that if you want,” She offered, taking over and letting her boss stand up straight again. There was a strange air of awkwardness between the pair, despite the fact that they had grown close since she had started working as a barmaid.

“It’s been like this a lot lately, just… empty.” Hannah huffed, pulling up two stools and letting the younger girl sit beside her for a while.

“Yeah, makes the time pass a lot slower.”

“Neville’s getting worried,” The woman chewed her lip, gazing around at the lack of people. “He thinks it won’t be long before we need to do something drastic.”

“Should I be worried?” Y/n asked, knowing everything rode on this flimsy job.

Just as the girl posed her question the two front doors burst open, revealing the Weasley twins along with two others that she recognised from their past visits.

“I’ll talk to you later darling,” The boss stood, squeezing her shoulder and going to greet the regulars who she knew so well.

As Neville appeared from the back office to do the same she was called over to the far table by a man who she’d already brought too many drinks to. With a sigh, she obeyed his whines, and went over to see what he wanted.

“About time sweet cheeksh,” He slurred, his head propped up by a weary arm while the other gestured wildly as he spoke. “Another round darling-” She nodded, taking his money from the table and turning to leave, but he reached out for her hand.

She shivered beneath his touch, the stench of bile and alcohol filling her nose as she tried not to vomit on the spot. It was best to just ride out whatever he wanted, knowing better than to anger any kind of customer.

“Why don’t you join me when you get those drinks sorted- I haven’t got another chair but I’m sure my lap would do nicely.” He grinned, showing off the layer of yellow on his teeth.

Y/n gulped back her grunt and pretended to smile, sighing with relief when he let go of her and slumped against the wall beside him. The feeling of his hand lingered on her until she managed to distract her mind a little, smiling wider when the twins came up to the bar to order.

“Evening boys,” She sniffed back the nerves and greeted them with a polite welcome. “Not giving you trouble was he?” One of them asked, nodding over to the drunken mess.

“Nothing I can’t handle,”

“Well you let us know if not,” The other chimed, their charms always making her feel comfortable around them. Which was much more than could be said for most of the creeps who roamed the inn each night.

“That’s very good of you both, thank you-” Her smile never faltered, they always had noticed that, “What can I get for you then?”

“Two hog’s heads, one rum and I’ll have…”

“Come on Fred,” The other nudged his brother, the girl finally able to differentiate them, that was until the next day when she wouldn’t be able to recognise the clothes they chose.

“Firewhiskey would be great thanks y/n,” He smiled sweetly, leaning up against the bar as she rang up their orders on the till. He delved into the pockets of his trousers as George left to speak to Neville a bit longer, placing the money in her hand. “Keep the change too,” “A-are you sure?” She stuttered, looking down at the remaining 3 galleons in her hand.

“George never tips, so consider it his debt too.” The boy scoffed, leaving to join the rest of his group. The girl pocketed the money before anyone else could see her doing so and went to fix the drunken man his seventh drink of the night.

He grumbled about how much work he did that no one appreciated, as his eyes raked over her body in a queasily slow trance. The man didn’t stop at that, further pressing her to sit on his knee and let him feel her up. Crude remarks fell from his lips as if he’d relayed them to every woman he’d come across, as if it was second nature. All the while, she stood and let him ramble on, doing her best to ignore what he was saying and just nod along mindlessly. This wasn’t even the worst one, the girl sighed to herself, grimacing at the way his fingers toyed with the hems of her skirt as if he was going to try and slither inside it.

With perfect timing, Neville called her back to the bar, faking some questions about the menu so that she had an excuse to dismiss herself from the dog’s company and scurry off. She heard him call after her, but couldn’t make out what exactly it was he was saying. The girl prayed that he was too drunk to actually get up and walk over to the bar, or else he would become truly relentless.

-

No matter what, y/n always smiled, regardless of who was talking to her or at her. And when she wasn’t dealing with the unruly men of diagon alley, she was happy, she was lucky that she had a job and somewhere to stay. She had no reason to be unhappy.

Fred and George liked that about her. That in such a dimly lit, run down little place like the cauldron, such light could shine through with her presence. Both of them had mentioned it once on their drunken walk back home one night, that they wished they could afford to hire someone else at the shop because she would be perfect for it.

Y/n always smiled because most of the time she was a happy person, until there was no reason to be happy. She discovered that dreadful sinking feeling later that night once the pub closed and the girl was finishing up with her cleaning.

Neville and Hannah were speaking in hushed voices nearby, words that she couldn’t make out over the sound of her brush swishing over the stone ground. But they continued to glance over at her when they believed she wasn’t watching, which made her heart tighten with nervous anticipation.

“Y/n… darling.” Hannah’s sweet voice sounded through the empty room, startling her slightly. The girl stood up straight and smiled, a sight which made her boss want to cry on the spot. None of this was going to be easy. “Could you come into the office with me, please.”

She followed, her hands shaky as she left the broom leant up against a lone table. The door shut behind them with a finalising jolt as the woman sat down before her, prompting her own body to do the same.

The air became thick, and constricting as her knees locked together politely. Hannah seemed just as nervous as she, delaying the inevitable by shuffling paperwork around and shoving into nearby drawers. Finally the movement ceased and she had no choice but to bite the bullet.

“I know we already spoke today, about how the business is going here, and I promise that Neville and I have tried to do everything we can to get around this. But I’m afraid we’ve been left with no other choice y/n.”

The sound of her name felt like a stab, one short sound that cut through her skin and deep into the bone. The girl dwelled on that feeling, hoping that whatever followed would hurt less in contrast. It didn’t.

“We have to let you go y/n,” The knife plunged deeper, somehow splitting open all her organs on its way through her body. She froze, knowing that in this moment her world was falling apart all around her like dominoes.

“A-and the room? I’m supposing you need it?” Her voice was wavering, constantly on the edge as she confirmed all the priorities.

“I’m so sorry,” The gesture was appreciated, but it did nothing to help in the moment as the now homeless girl’s mind raced.

“Thank you anyway, for the past few months.” It was a sudden bravery that brought her to her feet as she announced how she would pack her things right away.

In truth, she needed to be alone, just for a few minutes. So she could let it all go, cast a muffliato and sob away her worries for a small amount of precious time. Hannah didn’t dare follow her, knowing nothing could fix it for the younger girl, instead she brought the bottle of gin from the bar into the office and took long, thoughtful sips until it was no longer the only thing playing through her mind.

-

When the girl gathered her things and apparated down to the front door with them, Neville was there with a sad smile upon his face. Only giving her a brief goodbye, before swiftly leaving to busy himself with yet another maintenance job around the building. He never was one for complex emotions, so she didn’t think bad of him for escaping an awkward situation.

Y/n opened the front doors, seeing the pouring rain before her and almost bursting into yet another round of tears. Not that her red raw eyes could take it much longer. Maybe it was because she had been standing up for the good part of eight hours, or maybe just the pitiful sight of the gloomy street before her was enough to make her knees shake. As if they were going to buckle beneath her and send her crumpling to the ground.

But she shuffled forward, her trunk following behind her and she had quietly charmed it to do so. Admittedly she didn’t have a lot, when she had decided to try and live alone it had become a rushed affair to say the least. So she only owned a number of outfits within that case, along with some books and other little items she had deemed important enough to bring alone. That, and her guitar case, which loomed over her shoulder like a stalking figure in the night. The one thing she definitely didn’t have, was a coat to shelter her from the oncoming rain.

The girl walked a few steps, round the side of the building, and found a pile of crates to rest on beneath a small dripping canopy. It was dry, for now, and it gave her a chance to think properly. She needed to figure something out fast.

But y/n’s mind was full of white noise, watching puddles form between the cobbled pathway before her and thinking how she used to love the rain as a child. It had been relaxing and beautiful from the safety of her childhood bedroom, the window facing her parent’s courtyard as she watched them leave for work each morning.

Back then they would both turn and wave, with a generous smile on their faces, always reminding the young girl how they wished to see her when they returned. They were always happy when she was a child, the three of them a cacophony of laughs and giggles. Until it stopped. Her parents worked together, but never left the house together, and neither of them stopped to wave her goodbye, no matter how many times she waited for them to do so. They just stopped being happy, and as y/n shifted her weight upon the damp crates she realised that maybe her once beloved parents were never happy at all.

They became distant. To one another and to her, even more so as she grew older and became her own person. They tried to oppress it, probably seeing her joyful exterior and constant smiles and not recognising where it had come from. Not either of them. It angered them further, seeing her be such a resilient person, because they wished for her to feel the same neverending hurt they had caused one another. Regardless of the fact that it wasn’t her emotion to own.

Y/n remembered the night she was handed a file by her father, feeling stunned to have been called into his study while he was working. Often he would go inside and not appear for days at a time, so she knew whatever it was, it had to be important.

She read over the words he’d laid out for her, detailing their plans for her, what they wanted for her future. It was a plan of her life, given to her by two people who couldn’t be bigger strangers. But it wasn’t hers, it felt nothing like hers. She wanted to be someone, and she wanted to do it for herself, not because her parents feel it’s financially best.

The words, writer… and prophet echoed constantly around the page as she tried to make sense of it all. Her father barely looked up from his work as she struggled to remain calm, her lungs losing all motor function as she felt her stomach twist and turn. That was when she realised she had to leave, do something for herself.

Rain had been such a comforting thing for y/n, when she was a child. Now it covered her like a plague, and drenched her down to the bone as she did all she could to forget about that life. It had been her home, her playground, her school. It had been her whole life, without much chance to be free in the rest of the world.

Now it was nothing. She wanted it to be nothing. There had to be something she could do, there had to be somewhere she could go. Because that place was no longer an option.

“Y/n?” A voice made her head whip up, the tears on her cheeks easily disguised as the rain if it wasn’t for the way she snivelled to herself. She hadn’t even felt herself begin to cry, yet here she was, and it was a pitiful sight to see.

The light was bad in the alley, but when the two tall figures got nearer she recognised them instantly. Her heart broke a little more to see the worry in the twins’ eyes as they quickly took in the sight of her cramped body amongst her belongings.

“Are you leaving town then?” She thinks it was George, asked, he had been the one wearing a black shirt when she’d seen them earlier. The girl was in a daze, her head taking in their words a lot slower than it should have been as she begged herself not to cry in front of them.

To them, she looked like she was in a dream. Her eyes glazed over even as she glanced their way, making it look like she wasn’t really there with them. George’s question caught her off guard a bit, the girl looking as though she had forgotten where she was as she looked around her with bewilderment. Then the look of confusion fell to one of despair when it clicked once again, she was all alone.

“I suppose I am.” Even the two men could hear how her voice begged to break as she spoke with an airy tone. This was the first time they had seen her anything but bright and smiley.

It broke their hearts, in all honesty.

“Do you need somewhere to stay the night?” Fred, this time, asked. He knelt down to meet her eye level, their tall forms always towering above her at the best of times.

“We have a particularly comfy couch at our place,” George added, following suit with the kneeling.

“It’s got five star reviews,”

“And probably a few galleons hidden down the back if you’re lucky.”

Their smiles made her giggle, and it was all they could have asked for in the moment.

“That’s very kind of you,” Her sweet tone was back, like she’d taken control of her head again, “But I couldn’t ask that of you two.” It was her default to be polite, not wanting to be a burden to anyone. It was the one thing her nanny had taught her before being let go when she was twelve, not to ask anything of anyone but yourself.

“Nonsense,” Fred stood up, taking her guitar case that was leant up against the brick wall and swinging it over his shoulder.

“Really, I’ll figure something o-out - it’s fine!” She tried to protest, but the twins had already decided her fate. George lifted her trunk with ease, and Fred held out a hand for her, prompting the girl to clumsily lift herself off the jumble of crates with his assistance.

“Come on then,” They said, starting off towards the brighter part of diagon alley.

She didn’t move, Fred having let go of her as soon as she steddied herself again. They looked back at her, both frowning with the same face as she tried not to laugh at how they were so similar they even acted like one another.

“Well you better come with us-” “Or else it’ll look like we’ve robbed you!”

The girl just looked down at her feet, feeling as though they were only doing this because they couldn’t leave her out in the rain. Which was true. But the twins knew that she was someone worth helping out.

“Do you have anywhere else to go?” George asked, shifting the case into his other hand nonchalantly as they waited for her to come along with them. Silently she shook her head, embarrassed to meet their eyes as she admitted defeat.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Fred chimed in, still wearing their signature smile.

Y/n couldn’t help but return the sentiment, she didn’t have to be alone for at least one night. That was something to smile about, so she smiled. Her feet surged her body forward, a small skip noticeable as she reached the two patient men.

“We do look like we’ve just mugged you.” George laughed as they all walked through the alley and towards their shop, her little life packed away and in their hands. The girl slotted between them, having to catch up with their longer strides every now and then, as both twins chatted away as if nothing was amiss.

-

“Here’s the palace itself,” “Our pride and joy!” They announced, ushering her into the shop lined with all the products an excited teenage wizard could wish for. The shelves seemed to be full to the brim, some things piled up as a display. As haphazard and chaotic as it looked, y/n couldn’t deny that the bright colours shimmering off everything she could see instilled a happiness inside her that she rarely felt as a child. This would have been her dream when she was younger.

The twins’ shop was well known in the alley, by almost everyone who visited the leaky cauldron. Yet she had never dared step inside it herself. Most days she would have been busy with jobs around the inn, and on the off chance that she ventured around any other establishments, it was purely for essentials.

The two men watched as she scanned all that she could see from the doorway, her eyes wide and inviting with each new discovery. They would see kids come in every single day with the same reaction, yet with her it seemed new. It was if she had never seen a toy before.

“Have you eaten yet?” Fred asked, weaving through some unopened boxes to reach the stairs. Even on them there was an endless supply of treats to be found.

“I’m not hungry… thank you.” She followed behind him, slowly, with George closing up the front doors and setting up security wards.

“That wasn’t the question silly,” He laughed, catching up. “Have you eaten tonight?”

“No- but I’m really fine without.”

Once they reached the very top of the long set of stairs, past the ‘staff only’ sign, a door was kicked open in front of her. The apartment inside was a sight for sore eyes, and also the furthest thing from what y/n had envisioned on the walk there.

From how high they had gotten inside the shop, the girl presumed that the flat above had to be pokey and a lot smaller than what she was seeing. It was like a large loft, with brick walls and two levels and these huge windows that looked well over diagon alley. She could see all the lights of muggle London shining amongst the dark sheeted sky.

“My rooms up there, and George is through there.” Fred explained, nodding towards the opening to a small hallway and setting down her things in the excess of open space they had. It was comfortable.

“And here’s your bed!” The other twin exclaimed, throwing himself onto the huge sofa that stretched beneath one of the windows and came out into the room in an L shape. They weren’t lying when they said it was comfortable, because she could tell it was even by looking at it.  

“Right! I, for one, am starving.” Fred announced, walking through to the open kitchen, his footsteps echoing on the floor as he went. “What about you y/n?”

The girl was too busy staring out the window to hear him. She’d never seen the city this way before. Her old house was well out in the country, and the alley didn’t give much of a chance for enchanting views. It seemed as though this was the exception.

“Just make her something, she’s busy.” George chuckled, watching her from the sofa. The girl turned and looked at him confused, but the man just shook his head with a smile. “Nothing important,” He whispered and let her go back to the hypnotising view.

-

As they sat down to eat together, George asked y/n many questions about her life, determined to learn all he could about her in one evening.

“Let her swallow first will you!” Fred huffed, passing her a glass of water so she didn’t choke in the process.

“I was homeschooled all my life, well- up until I moved really.” The girl smiled politely, trying not to go into too much detail with her answers. The two men were so kind, though, that it was hard not to tell them everything she’d been holding in. “So you didn’t finish it all?”

“I left before I got the chance to,”

They nodded in understanding, but she could see the cogs turning in their heads as they both took another bite of their food, all in unison. She snickered a little, enjoying the way they effortlessly put on a show with their mannerisms.

“Did you run away!” They both cried out, startling her as she sat across from them.

“W-well… I um- yes I d-did really.” A wry laugh sounded as she spoke, an out of place sound amongst the shock that displayed over Fred and George’s faces.

“Woah, did something bad happen?”

“George! You can’t just ask that- you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to y/n.” Fred rolled his eyes at his brother, but the girl felt a sense of relief that they asked, it felt nice to have the chance to tell someone after keeping it to herself all this time. It felt more out of place to not tell them.

“It’s okay,” She chuckled at them both, “My parents weren’t very happy people, and they both kind of kept their lives centered around work. I had no problem with it, either than the lack of freedom I had at home, but it changed when they basically showed me a plan for my life.”

The twins listened intently, nodding along with her words and silently reacting accordingly. They both frowned with the last bit, never hearing of someone having their lives planned out for them before.

“They planned your life? Isn’t that a bit, you know-”

“Controlling,” Fred finished, a look of pity on his face.

“We had different ideas, they wanted me to be a writer at the prophet when I’d shown no interest in journalism or even writing before.”

“That’s mad,” George said in a hushed tone, not wanting to cut her off.

“It was then that I realised the only way I was going to do what I wanted, was if I left. So I just packed my things and came here, hoping to find somewhere to stay with what little money I had. Hannah was nice enough to take me in free of charge, so long as I worked behind the bar for it.”

“Both her and Neville really are saints.” “It’s so much better than I could have asked for, but now they can’t afford it. It’s all understandable, it’s just a pain that I can’t ask my parents for help.”

All the while that she recalled her story, the girl smiled, reminding the men that she was a lot stronger than people might assume. Given what she’d been through, it was amazing that she hadn’t broken down already.

“We’ll figure something out for you, all of us.” Fred smiled, glad to see colour in her cheeks now that she was in the warmth of their loft compared to the drizzly alleyway.

“It’s not the end of the world if your parents don’t support you either, there’s plenty more people in the world who will.” George reassured her, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“Oh godric yeah,” Fred joined in, “Our folks went bloody mental when they heard this was what we wanted to start up instead of finishing at hogwarts.”

“Do they like it now?” She asked cautiously, feeling a little better knowing that they too skipped out on their academic life.

“They have to, given how well we’ve done.” “It is hard to deny our success,” They chimed like songbirds, the passion they had for their self made business shining through their wide eyes.

It was no surprise that the three of them got on, but as the night progressed quicker than they thought, the new trio found themselves with no awkward silences. The clock above them looked as though it had been enchanted when George finally glanced up at it, amazed to see that they’d been chatting for four hours already.

Only when y/n yawned did the two twins decide it was maybe time to call it quits.

“It’s getting late,” Fred spoke up, not wanting to keep the girl from her much needed sleep. It must have been a long day for her. “I’ll grab you some blankets.”

As he disappeared up into his room to look for something to keep her cosy all night, the girl helped George clear away their mess from dinner.

“I feel awful,” She smiled politely, handing him more plates to place into the sink that was doing all the work for them.

“What for?” The man seemed genuinely surprised.

“We spent all that time talking, but we never decided on what to do with me.” She scoffed, feeling like a child needing their help. “I promise I won’t hang around much longer, I’ll sort something out.”

“Like what?” He didn’t mean to sound harsh, it was more to show her that they were her only option right then.

“I-I’m not sure… sorry.” “Don’t be sorry, we want to help you.”

The door to Fred’s bedroom opened again and they fell into silence, the girl slipping back into the mindset that she was growing into a burden for them. She couldn’t ask anymore of them, they’ve already done enough for her. Then and there, y/n decided she would leave in the morning.

“Bed’s ready!” The shout came from the living room, where blankets had been laid over the sofa beneath the window. “Thought you would enjoy the view here.” Fred added when she came out to see his masterpiece.

“That’s hardly a bed!” George scoffed, laughing at the copious amount of cushions he’d left for her head, all different colours and sizes.

“It’ll be perfect, thank you.” She smiled, her eyes sparkling under the city lights that spilled into the room. It didn’t even matter that they would reflect against the ceiling as she slept, it looked like stars.

“As long as you like it then,” George muttered, eyeing his brother who clung onto a smug grin.

“Goodnight y/n, sleep well.”

“Night y/n.” They both smiled, turning to head off to their respective rooms as she opened up her case to look for something to sleep in.

“Night Fred, night George… thank you again, for all of this.” They both nodded at her words and disappeared, leaving her to change in the dark loft, only a small lamp beside her lighting her way to the sofa.

She clicked it off, casting lumos and stumbling over the fluffy rug to curl beneath the many layers of covers that Fred had left her. The girl chuckled to herself, peeling one off and folding it in a neat pile on the floor. Two would be just fine for one night.

It didn’t take long for her to drift off to sleep, the whole day’s nonsense catching up on her and slipping her body into a mini-coma. Her mind ran and slowed all at once, memories of nights she would spend in her childhood bed, reading books for hours on end until she’d fall asleep with the pages sprawled open beside her.

Many nights she would hear her parents scream at one another, that harrowing wailing sound would echo for hours until both of them grew tired and they decided to sleep apart yet again. That’s when she knew she could relax, she could finally do all the things that she wouldn’t have time for in the day between her tutor’s classes and meaningless chores.

She had been a night owl, revelling in the time she got to be truly alone, when the house slept she would come alive. Now, she couldn’t stay awake even if she wanted to. She needed to sleep, and fast.

Y/n vaguely heard a door opening and closing, unsure whether it was real or her mind replaying memories all too vividly. Either way, her eyes were far too heavy to open themselves and check. It could wait.

-

Fred cursed himself for not catching his bedroom door behind him, the noise booming across the loft. He waited, frozen at the top of the steps, watching to see if the girl would rouse at the sound. But he was in luck, she didn’t move a muscle.

He padded down to the bottom, making sure each step was lighter than the last as he headed into the small corridor. George jolted awake the second his door was opened, reaching for his lamp to see who was intruding on his sleep.

“What the fuck!” He almost shouted.

“Shut up! She’s sleeping in there!” Fred hissed, walking over to the empty side of the bed and sitting down calmly.

“So was I you git- what the hell are you doing, since when did we start sleeping together?”

“Disgusting-”

“I didn’t mean that,” George rubbed his eyes with a grimace and reluctantly sat up, “What do you want then?” His voice finally hushed to match his brother’s.

“I have an idea,” Fred started.

“Yes,” “Well, I’ve been thinking about y/n-” “If this is you coming to tell me about another sex dream, I don’t wanna know, okay?”

“Will you just shut up and listen to me,”

“Fine, fine, go on.” He pulled the covers over his bare chest, feeling suddenly exposed to the cold night’s air.

“Well, we’ve been saying for ages that we need someone to work in the shop, except we can’t really afford it right now.” Fred explained, and George nodded along. “Look, y/n needs somewhere to stay, but she would never stay here without giving us some sort of payment, right?” The man’s head looked like it was on a spring as he took in the words. “So, why don’t we let y/n stay here with us and in return she can help out in the shop?”

“Do you think she’d agree to that?” “It was basically the same agreement she had with Neville and Hannah, except we have no reason to get rid of her.”

“I suppose so,” He didn't sound overly convinced.

“She needs somewhere to stay, we need someone to work, it’s a win-win situation!” Fred exclaimed, smiling like a mad man to try and convince his brother that their plan could work out.

“Okay, fine. We can ask her in the morning.”

“Great, I knew you’d say yes.” “Well it’s not like she’s the worst person to live with, it hardly took much to sway me.”

“Not the worst person? Come on George, she’s great!” Fred, admittedly, got a bit too excited at this. His voice ringing out louder than he’d wanted it to.

“You have had a sex dream haven’t you?” “Oh shut up!” “Was she in it,” George teased, prompting his brother to get up and head for the door. “So i’m taking that as a yes.” He turned the light off, hearing one last hiss from Fred before the door shut behind him.

“Aren’t you forgetting the time you had a sex dream about Mcgonnogall?” Fred quipped, leaving quickly as not to get a beating up from the other twin, who was mentalling cursing himself for ever revealing that fact when they were drunk one time.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 3: Apdnarg is Really Hard to Spell

 Yo guys, people are getting vaccinated, the sun is parting through the clouds, and I felt so nice that I even stopped listening to quite so many throwback 00′s BTS mashups (and yet I keep clicking on these dissonant catastrophes thinking “this time it’s got to be better. This time they’ll figure it out.” and like, no. Turns out you can’t match Brittany’s Toxic with BTS’ Black Swan. You can’t do that.)

This must be a sign that things are getting better. If anything, it means my personal tastes are improving. I mean I only clicked on like 3 “Dark Academia” Playlists where I could pretend I’m some sort of spooky witch in an abandoned library with a bad music player and basic taste in classical music (like can we ban Satie from Youtube for a little while?). Hell, I might even do a prompt update to this blog!

Yeah, you heard me, I’m actually going to stay ahead of the update schedule for Yugioh Abridged (maybe. I haven’t actually watched cuz of spoilers, I just noticed the thumbnail pop up on Youtube and was like “Damn it, they came out of hiatus??? I got hurry UP.”)

Anyway, speaking of the sky parting.

I’ll have you know my bro said this is actually more like a circumcision and it was one of the worst thing I have ever heard.

We get a chance to take in this lineup of confusing and varied character designs, and Joey. who is...still Joey.

The animators probably had to hold a strike in order for them to put Yugi in the audience, lets be real. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE in this shot and one is wearing a turban where you draw every single wrap. I hope those artists charged by the line.

Tea has a subplot where she’s just very frustrated with everyone she knows. They have been traveling together for like many weeks and got trapped in a foreign country so I get it. But at the same time, it’s kind of hard to picture Tea with female friends.

Because right now you got this 12 year old child, the other duelist who does not care about anything besides cards, and Kaiba’s 3 dragon cards that we’ve all collectively decided are female.

Hell it’s almost like the writers are asking themselves why Tea is here. Maybe they forgot. There’s no more ghosts to bus, no more people to knock out with her ass with random Olympic feats. Tea’s just sidelining.

(read more under the cut)

Mokuba is a itty bit bit taller this season, and so I guess that means he can legally climb on top of the cherry picker in order to give a riveting speech.

Really says a lot about Mokuba that he is so unphased about talking to, I dunno...an entire planet of people. Kind of a shame we never see this courage from Mokuba used for anything other than talking really, really big and giving everyone around him a really hard time.

Mokuba takes a moment to dunk on Yugi Muto, as is Kaiba tradition.

And then introduce the first pair of duelists, which obviously must be between the few people in this tournament that we actually know and care about.

Thankfully, in between last episode and this episode, Yugi has figured out who his own Grandpa is. This is a relief, because Yugi is such a mess, that I was fully convinced it would take over half a season for him to recognize it. I mean how long did it take him to figure out he shares a body with a ghost? Like half a season?

Instead Yugi recovered gracefully from not recognizing his grandpa, but it’s not like he bothered to tell anyone else, so the rest of our cast is just gonna be like “Is he my hairdresser? The guy who delivers my mail? Who is this guy who made absolutely no significant changes to his outfit or voice?”

Like sometimes this show goes full Spongebob silly kid’s show and you never know when to take it seriously or not. They might be sacrificing the entire cast next episode. I really don’t know. But for now their big concern is who is grandpa??? Like an innocent card version of “Are you my Mother?”

Faced with public speaking, Yugi decides to have a melt down.

We have seen him face monsters, we’ve seen him on TV dozens of times, he’s been in multiple competitions...but give a speech? Of course he can’t do that. The kid doesn’t attend enough school to know how to do that. Them’s learning skills.

And that was when a newly assembled wife-jet spliced through the sky like a souped up razer scooter and deposited 1 fully equipped Seto Kaiba in a Buzz Lightyear jetsuit.

THE RECOVERY.

Seto always watching over his Brother, ready to save this awkward party if it kills him (and it really should, that suit is held together by two seat-belts), making sure to get on that platform before Yugi starts going off about how he’s half an Ancient Egyptian. (Ah, life before social media. You could just be hella famous and also half a dead dude and people would just not know. I kinda miss the time before I knew literally everything about everyone.)

Please admire how close those flames are to setting Mokuba’s heavily hairsprayed mane completely alight. It would be an unforgettable spectacle.

These were absolutely just random ass jet packs that Gozaburo Kaiba made to kill hell tons of people, right? Like Seto found it in the family cabin, clutched to the heart of some crispy fried corpse and was like “neat! Mokuba! I found a cool toy!” and just plucked that thing out of that skeleton’s clutches and has been flying around for months?

Like this is Seto Kaiba’s Butter Glider, right?

Seriously what type of vehicle license do you need for one of these things? RIP My ‘Seto only has a scooter license’ headcanon.

Which I’m only even thinking about because I’ve had to try and make an appt with the DMV for days to get a freakin REAL ID. I went to sleep in 2019 and I could fly on a plane. I woke up in 2021 and it’s like “Want one last screw you?” and just...can 2020 please stop screwing me over? It’s March.

Anyway, the Jet is removed soon after, so no, this is not part of his new outfit. He goes right back to his Post-S4-Trauma-Normcore.

After wrestling this competition out of his brother’s hands and confusing everyone in the audience, Roland must have gotten the memo to cut the microphone before Seto got too excited and we were quickly ushered on to the next stage of the tournament.

One sec...the BTS Mashup playlist I just clicked on did a Black Swan X 7 rings mashup and it’s the worst thing my ears have ever heard.

Holy crap. I had to actually turn down my volume. Like...Ariana Grande already has music that has way too many overlapping singing parts on it--and then lets just stick a 52-person boy band on top? That’ll fix it. Yeah. Go ahead.

Wow. Even I had to change the song and you know how much I enjoy pop culture mistakes.

Spot the Mickey but like a million times easier because it’s a Massive Dick Shaped Dragon.

Yep. That’s my grocery shopping outfit. Except maybe not a lab coat and a duel disk. Wish I had a duel disk, that would make social distancing just a hell ton earlier. Just a “Yo, only one person in checkout, please” and then bap them on the head with a propelled discuss/hologram.

Anyway, Grocery shopping/Doctor man dueled the Purple Hair Boy, and considering that Purple Hair got screen time and shook Yugi’s hand once--I think that Doctor man doesn’t stand a freakin chance.

Good. I hate him.

Also, every time he breathes he’s gonna fog up his glasses. I have experience in this area. He can’t read his own cards in the same way I can’t read my phone if I’m in the refrigerated aisle.

So the way this tournament works, is everyone has to sit in the stadium to watch the show. Kinda like showing up to a football stadium just to watch a recorded TV monitor...but then again...that is how it feels to watch a football game at a football stadium when it’s live (at least with the tickets I usually get.)

And as we watch Grandpa waiting for his competitor, we find out that his competitor (Joey) is too busy eating snacks to give him the time of day.

Why do cartoon hot dogs always have lettuce? Is that seriously supposed to be relish? Or is there a place in the world where you put lettuce on your hot dog?

Sorry, bro has just informed of his favorite hot dog order, which is absolutely terrible so I will share it with you: a Five Guys hot dog with ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, mushrooms, pickled peppers, and you guessed it--topped with freakin lettuce.

My own kin. How am I over 30 and just finding out that my baby brother thinks it’s normal to walk into a restaurant with normal god-fearing law-abiding people and order lettuce and mushrooms on a hot dog?

I have fully failed him.

The rest of this episode is watching both Joey Wheeler and Mokuba have a shared panic attack while Seto does freakin nothing.

Please remember that Seto has both a jetpack and a dragon wife plane and could have easily solved this problem. But nah.

Then again, Seto Kaiba has given this crew so MANY rides, that maybe he’s tired of being the Soccer Mom for the team?

Like they don’t actually say this episode, but Seto was the one in charge of like...this entire place, do you think he made the 2 for 1 special just to get Joey where it hurts the most? Or does it actually not take any subterfuge to screw Joey Wheeler because he’s just naturally this way?

Like Mokuba wasn’t there when Joey was told “stay right here, and then we will all go together to fight Dartz” and Joey was like “I’mma save Mai from herself although she told me not to!” and then he Hella Died. But, Mokuba did see the result, AKA, Joey’s dead body being carried on the back of Tristan. Maybe Mokuba never realized that Joey died because he went out of his way to be late?

Lets do a tally of every time I can recall with my dodgy memory that Joey was threatened to be DQ’d/pretty much was DQ’d either by his own fault or no fault of his own

-When he wasn’t allowed to go on the boat to Murder Island because he was a stupid nobody kid who did not have a dueling glove

-When he wasn’t actually supposed to be in Pegasus’ tourney and was, in fact, secretly using half of Yugi’s entrance ticket the entire time

-when Bandit Keith stole the ticket that Joey got from Yugi so then Joey had to borrow Mai’s ticket although she had just used it so it really shouldn't have counted. Because, really anyone could have just piggy backed off of each other’s ticket until the whole boat went through that castle.

-When his account was hacked to get entered into Kaiba’s tourney when Kaiba very clearly told him he could not apply solely because he was Joey Wheeler.

-When he was late to his sister’s eye surgery because he got mugged by Marik’s Rare Hunters, so she almost refused to do the surgery.

-When Joey got possessed by Marik, and as Marik, threatened to murder everyone else in the tournament including both of the Kaiba brother’s who’s tournament it was, and then chained himself to Yugi Muto to throw both of them to the bottom of the ocean.

-I think there was a point when he threatened to attack Kaiba in Kaiba’s own tourney while not possessed? Like several times?

-when he got struck by Lightning and almost did not stand up fast enough after being struck by lightning, which is apparently a type of DQ in Duel Monsters.

-When he tried to save Mai from getting hit by a fireball, but then Yugi did it instead, and then so many people were standing on the dueling platform that Kaiba couldn’t possibly DQ them all.

-When he entered the restricted area of the blimp in order to hassle Kaiba into landing the Blimp, which Kaiba did not do.

-When Marik killed Joey before Joey could press the “go” button on his duel disk to play the card that should have won Joey the match.

-When he was dueling a lawyer in a digital universe but then the dice was like...weighted? So Noah had to walk over and be like “The hell is this weighted dice? This is my perfect digital world? How did you even do that?” and then Joey won because the match was no longer legit.

-When Joey yelled at Noah too much and so Noah turned Joey to stone for being a rude ass spectator

-When Mai was like “Wheeler and Valon, listen closely: do NOT murder each other” and then Joey did a murder on Valon so she was like “I guess I have no choice, I was very clear” and killed Joey straight up.

-When Joey decided to block Seto’s fireballs while Joey Wheeler WAS a playing card, somehow disrespecting both Dartz and Seto Kaiba at the same time.

-When Joey was playing cards but then got absorbed into a giant Leviathan and basically couldn’t play anymore after that.

-There’s probably hell ton of S0 stuff I just haven’t seen yet.

-This episode

And Joey runs fast for a montage of wacky things that really have no business being in a theme park. Things like this:

(remember when Bakura almost died from a rock that ended up being a balloon? It comes full circle.)

The stuff that the Kaiba brother’s think is normal and fun.

Anyway Joey fights off a bunch of hologram snakes and bats and everyone is like “Should we tell him it’s just holograms???” And it’s like wow, guys, how many times have these ‘holograms’ straight up murdered Joey Wheeler and everyone else on this cast? Too many? Because I have a google doc with so many deaths on it. 7,805,844,048, to be exact.

Anyway, he gets there with five seconds to spare and Mokuba’s like “well at least you were still entertaining while we filmed you in front of a live audience being a total spaz for 15 minutes straight, so I’ll let you go.”

Grandpa and Joey start playing, Joey completely oblivious that this is just an older Muto, while Hawkins walks up awkwardly and is like “hey guys. I’m so sorry about this.”

(welcome to my font choices, for those new here, I have to make weird font color choices to make sure it’s legible for the colorblind and also for the non-colorblind. This one is not much contrast, so I may change it up in the future, but for now, this is Grandpa Muto’s new font. I apologize to every graphic designer reading this. Please don’t tell anyone who has ever hired me for graphic design about this blog.)

What’s funny about this exchange is that after they find out that Yugi’s Grandpa is Apdnarg (HOLY my brain cannot get around the spelling for that, and I will not change it in the caps. I cannot do a ‘pdn’ ever again), they don’t stand on his side of the field or anything. Hawkins is legit Solomon Muto’s only fan during this exchange and like...damn. Way not to back your Grandpa, Yugi.

Yugi immediately strides up to Mokuba to non-confrontation-ally inform him that he has stepped over a line and Mokuba is like “what are these things you say called ‘lines?’”

According to Mokuba, Solomon Muto begged him to be in the competition so he could relive his glory days (glory days making no sense here, because the game has only been released for the past 15 years, so glory days is like...the before times that can only be referring to disgraced archeologists and Pegasus ((who is, in his own way...a disgraced archeologist, too))) and Mokuba was like

“You trained Yugi Muto, right? Hey that’s good enough for me. This drama is gold. People will eat it up. Hell yes. Don’t be afraid to abduct him a little bit. Maybe trap a couple people in a digital hellscape for a little while? Now we go by Pegasus house rules here, so fire as many lasers as you want, but just make sure not to hit anyone in the face. Oh man, we are going to be swimming in cash. Love it, Muto Sr, love it.”

But I dunno, I feel like Grandpa won’t make it past next episode. It is Joey. We kinda need him to make it past Ep 4 of the arc. If Grandpa Muto becomes the new Joey Wheeler, that will be a weird transition for this show to make.

But that’s all for today, as always, here is the link to read these in chrono order becuase there’s SO MANY that you don’t need to read backwards--don’t do it--just use the chrono tag (and I don’t know if you can add compound tags, but I did separate the Season from the Episode, so if you write S4, it should only pop up stuff from S4. I didn't’ do that to seasons 1-3 though because I just...didn’t.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And because I brought it up: here it is, the best BTS Mashup that I found on my deep dive. Like legit--this one isn’t a mess:

Most of other ones are horrible in a fascinating way. Like I’m not even a BTS fan, I think I sort of age out of that metric, I’m just bored and quarantined. And lets be real, we all appreciate a good bop when we hear it.

[let-it-raines]

your wonder under summer skies (8/?)

Summer in Storybrooke, Maine means one thing for its residents: tourist season. This year, for Emma Swan and Killian Jones, it means relationships ending and friendships changing all the while they attempt to figure out just what their relationship is. It’s somewhere straddling the line between friends and lovers, and there’s no guarantee of a soft landing if they fall into new territory.

rating: mature

ao3: beginning | current

tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 

-/-

“What time are we supposed to be there?”

“Six,” Killian shouts across the apartment, “but it’d probably be nice if we managed to get there early.”

“It’s your party. They can’t start without you.”

Killian runs his hands through his hair and brushes the front strands back before combing a small amount of gel through it so it’ll stay in place. “It’s a barbecue that I think they realized they were hosting on my birthday at the last minute. It’s not my party.”

“It’s your party, little brother.”

Killian clenches his teeth before he swallows his pride. He’s not going to start something, not now. They’ve had a good day together, and the last thing he needs is to have Liam being passive aggressive to him all night long. He’s been cross for a week now, ever since Killian didn’t come home and asked Liam if he’d let Skipper out in the morning for him.

“Where were you?” Liam asked.

“I was with someone,” Killian mumbled as he pushes through the apartment door. “I’ll try to plan better next time.”

“Next time? So you’ve found your seasonal woman then?”

“Shove it, Liam.”

“If you want me to take care of your dog, you at least owe me some answers.”

Killian turned on his heel and narrowed his eyes. “My personal life is my own. Question it again at your own peril.”

“Oh, so maybe you didn’t find someone. You’re usually cheerier after a night like that.”

“Fuck off.”

He’s got to figure out some kind of plan for Skipper if that’s how Liam is going to be every time Killian doesn’t manage to get home before dawn. That night he’d been sitting in a service station parking lot until seven talking with Emma and had lost track of time, but he’ll have to be more careful.

Or get Emma one of those rope ladders in order to climb out the window.

She’d murder him.

Then again, it’d be better than sending her falling out the window.

The rope ladder, not being murdered.

“It’s a barbecue,” Killian sighs as he grabs a flannel shirt off the hanger and pulls it on. It’s too hot for it now, but it won’t be later. The summer heat fades away as soon as the sun goes down, and he’s certainly not going to complain about it when it’s the best part of any late June day. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready. We’ve got to pick up Elsa on our way there.”

“Her apartment is on the other side of town.”

“She’s at the country club with Emma. We’re picking her up, too.”

“Oh?” Killian raises his brow.

Liam furrows his in response. “What?”

“Nothing,” he lies, not wanting to push anything. “Let’s go. You can drive. It’s my birthday, and I’m not about to be the designated driver.”

“Consider it my gift to you.”

Emma and Elsa are waiting for them in the driveway of the club. Elsa’s in the shorts and polo she wears to work, the only thing missing the apron that keeps the ice cream off of her. Emma, however, is in a form-fitting black camisole tucked into a white patterned skirt that’s nearly see-through in the sunlight. He’s got no bloody clue how she got away with wearing that to work unless Regina wasn’t around, but he’s certainly not going to complain.

Except for the fact that they’re about to be in an extremely public place where he can’t enjoy her attire as much as he’d like to.

“Hey,” Elsa greets as she hops into the back of the truck. “Happy birthday, Killian.”

“Thank you, love.” Emma’s door opens behind him, and she slides in. “Do we need to take you by your place so you can change?”

“What? My uniform doesn’t scream birthday barbecue to you?”

“You have a giant ice cream cone on your shoulder.”

Elsa’s eyes roll. “I don’t need to change. We can go.”

“Aye, aye Captain,” Liam sighs, his lips pulled into a bright smile as he stares in the rearview mirror. Elsa chuckles and returns his smile, and Killian looks away. He’s not intruding, but it damn well feels like it.

Elsa and Liam monopolize the conversation on the drive to the Nolans’ as Elsa fills Liam in on everything having to do with the wedding. The thing isn’t for three months, but as he’s been informed over and over again, that isn’t a lot of time when there’s still so much to be done.

(There are pictures of flowers spread out across his kitchen counter with notes written on all of them, and he has no idea how that is going to help come up with a bouquet or arrangements when there are at least fifty options that will lead to endless combinations and possibilities.)

It’s nice to see Liam involved, though. He’s usually so wrapped up in work that he rarely does anything outside of that.

But this is Elsa, and Liam would do anything for Elsa.

He gets that trait from their mum, Killian thinks. She was always beyond loyal to the people she loved even when that was to her own detriment.

They pull onto the road that leads up to the Nolans’ townhome, and Liam finds a spot behind Ariel’s car. She’s already texted him three times today to tell him how excited she is for it to be Killian’s birthday, and he honestly doesn’t think he’s known a singular person to have so much enthusiasm.

Liam and Elsa fall into step ahead of him, Liam’s arm wrapped around Elsa’s shoulder, and Killian feels Emma’s hand brush against his as a shiver inches across his skin. He looks down to see if it’s still there, but it’s not. She’s got it pushed into the pocket of her skirt, and when he glances up, he can see that she’s looking in the opposite direction.

Is she avoiding him?

“Did you have a good day at work?”

“It was fine. Regina was the worst, but otherwise it was fine.”

“Oh? Regina was there today?”

Emma finally turns to him with an arched brow. “Why would you think she wasn’t there?”

“Because she’s rarely there, and I know for a fact that when she is, you have to be a little more uptight with your clothes.”

Emma stops in front of the Nolans’ open front door and crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you saying about my clothes, KJ?”

Killian raises his hands in the air and takes a step back even as he curls his lips into a smile he knows is his most earnest. Well, in a way.

“You cut quite the figure in that outfit, love, but I can also see almost all of your figure in the natural light.”

Her eyes widen and the sunlight glints across them to illuminate the green. “You can what?”

Killian gestures down to her skirt. “I can see the outline of your legs through your skirt, Swan.”

“Can you see my underwear?”

“Eh.” He scratches his ear. “Possibly.”

“Well, shit. I’ve been walking around like this all day. When is the sun going to set so I can stop flashing people?”

“In a few hours.”

“Great. So I’m about to flash all of our friends?”

“Every single person here has seen you in the small scraps of fabric you call a bikini. I think you’ll be fine.”

She tilts her head back, elongating her neck, and groans. “It’s fine, I guess. It’s too late to change now unless I want to wear Mary Margaret’s clothes, and I like this outfit. Happy birthday, by the way. Did you get the cupcakes I sent you?”

“Aye. I had the lemon one. I saved the chocolate one for you. I figured you’d picked that one out for yourself anyway.”

“I am neither confirming nor denying that.”

“I don’t tend to eat chocolate, and you sent me one chocolate cupcake in a group of otherwise nicely flavored cupcakes. It’s pretty clear.”

Emma shrugs, but her lips curl up in the corners. “I’ve got something else for you, too.”

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

Killian sways closer to her and cocks his head to the side. “Do I get it now or is that happening when you come over to get your cupcake?”

“It’s for now.”

“Why, Swan, so close to all of our friends? That’s risky.”

She presses up on her toes, and he swears her lips brush over his. “I’m not having sex with you for your birthday, but I do have you tickets to a Yankees game in August.”

“Bloody hell. Really?”

“Really.” She presses forward and brushes her lips against his cheek. “Happy birthday, KJ. Feel free to take whoever you want to the game, but if it’s not me, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Killian throws his head back and laughs before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Emma. “Will is going to fight you for it, but you’re definitely a contender.”

“Good. Now let’s go inside. A whole host of people are waiting inside to celebrate you.”

“I think they’re here for the food.”

“Eh, don’t get into the specifics.”

Emma’s right. There is a host of people waiting inside for him. It’s rare for all of them to have off on the same day, especially a Saturday night, and even if he is not one to want a big celebration for himself, it’s nice to get to catch up with everyone. Though, he does remind himself that this was never intended for him, but that doesn’t matter when the food is good and the beer is cold against his lips.

Ruby and Will are currently arguing over the best way to make a margarita, Mary Margaret is offering to set up a competition between them, and David is insisting that doesn’t happen because Mary Margaret and tequila are not a good combination.

“Oh come on,” Elsa sighs, “let’s do the competition. I want to relive Mary Margaret’s bachelorette weekend.”

“Can’t that wait until your own bachelorette weekend?” David groans.

“Mine is hopefully going to consist of a weekend at the spa and the exact opposite of Mary Margaret’s because Anna is planning it instead of Ruby.”

“Hey,” Ruby scoffs, “what the hell does that mean?”

“I think it means that if anyone is going host a party with gummy dicks, it’s going to be you.”

“I did for mine,” Ariel adds in.

“Wait? What?” Eric looks over at his wife, and Killian hears Emma snicker in the lawn chair next to him. “You had those?”

“I did. They were really good. I think I still have some of the packets stuffed away in a closet somewhere.”

“Ruby can get you some more,” Mary Margaret says. “She’s got a contact at the company who makes them.”

“Liam, it seems like we’re all set for your party then.”

Liam tosses a cube of ice at Killian, but he misses him as it skims behind him. “I might let you plan it, or I might let Rob takeover. He’s less likely to get us arrested.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means law enforcement finds my face kinder than yours,” Robin sighs. “And you do have a tendency to, well, get yourself in trouble.”

“I’ve never gotten myself bloody arrested!”

“Okay,” Will claps, “I think we can all agree that I will be the host as I am the only one of the lot of you who knows how to have a good time.”

“Oh, why don’t we do one together,” Elsa suggests. “We can take out one of the big boats for a day and just hang out. Like this, but better because we’re out on the water. We can find a day where Anna can come down.”

“I think that’s a brilliant idea, darling. Maybe we could find a house and get out of the city for a weekend.” Liam leans over and kisses Elsa’s forehead. “We’ll even let Ruby get the dick gummies if she really has to have that.”

“I do. I also want birthday cake, so birthday boy, can we please finally cut in before I have to take the entire thing for myself?”

“Let’s eat cake,” Killian demands. “And have the margarita contest.”

David slumps down in his chair and covers his face with his hands.

They don’t actually hold a contest, deciding that no one actually wants to see Will and Mary Margaret argue for the rest of the night, but Ruby does get her cake. Killian’s body has to be made up of fifty percent sugar at this point in the day, but he honestly doesn’t care. The sun sets and the backyard is lit only by the string lights hanging above them and the lights shining through the windows in the houses across the street. Rob’s left to meet up with Regina, her son, and Roland, and Eric had to leave to tend to the restaurant but left Ariel behind. She’s taken that as a sign that she has to talk his ear off about next week’s Fourth of July beach festival.

“Don’t you remember when you first moved here and you thought it was the worst thing in the world?”

“I still think it’s the worst thing in the world.”

“But it’s so much fun! The city brings in rides and games, and the firework show. My God, it’s like magic. Plus, Eric makes a killing at the restaurant from all the extra people that come in. Oh, Emma!”

Killian glances behind him and sees Emma walking by with half a hot dog in her mouth. “What?”

“Don’t you think the carnival is so much fun?”

She covers her mouth and keeps chewing as she walks over to them. “I think it has the potential to be fun, but it usually ends with some kid throwing up on my shoes or me having to go into work because Regina is fuming over the festival we do for our members not being as lavish.”

“Oh, come on, the two of you need to lighten up. It’s going to be fun!”

“I will try to muster half of the enthusiasm that you have, love.”

“That’s all I ask. Are there still hot dogs?”

“A few more, but you’re going to have to fight David for them.”

“Oh, I can definitely take him. I’ll be right back.”

Ariel leaves them, and Emma plops herself down into the chair next to him before propping her feet up on his lap and kicking off her sandals while she continues to eat her food.

“Were you not considering a plate for that?”

“Nope.”

“Classy.”

She shrugs. “I do what I can. So, how’s your night been? I thought you were going to hurl yourself at Liam earlier.”

Killian’s brow raises. “Pardon?”

“When he made that joke about you likely getting them arrested at his bachelor party you looked like you were getting ready to murder him.”

“Did I?”

“I mean, you pretty much always look like you’re going to murder him, but your jaw did that thing where it clenches and moves all broody and angry like.”

He swallows and blinks at Emma, letting his eyes adjust to the ever-darkening night. There must be clouds in the sky for how few stars are showing, and maybe if he stares at it long enough, he won’t have to have this conversation.

He could really use another beer right now.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d get anyone arrested. You like to play scoundrel, but I’m pretty sure you’ve always been the type to play by the rules.”

“Swan, we both know that’s a lie. Even when I was a buttoned-up Naval lieutenant I still hated not being the one in charge. So many of the damn rules were ridiculous.”

“Like what?”

He draws his finger to his neck. “I would be reprimanded if I had a hickey on my neck. The damn things are unattractive, yes, but I don’t think I deserved to be punished for it.”

“That happen to you a lot then? Your women couldn’t keep their hands off of you? Well, their mouth.”

Emma’s laughing at herself, but he feels his stomach sink with her words. But she doesn’t know. He’s never told her.

And now certainly isn’t the time.

“I think you’d be surprised with how I was when I was younger.”

“Yeah?”

“Aye. I mean, I was still this handsome and charming, but I could keep a woman for longer than a summer.”

“I’m sure you could.”

She shifts her foot on his lap and Killian’s hand falls to her ankle. Her skin is as soft as it always is, and he starts aimlessly drawing on her skin. Does no one believe that he’s capable of more than one-night stands and summer flings?

Though, he doesn’t blame them. He doesn’t exactly believe that about himself. It’s been a long damn time since he was capable of more than that.

A long time since he’s wanted to be.

“But seriously? You two okay?”

He shakes his head and forces a smile. “We’re fine, darling.”

“Superpower, Jones.”

“Can’t it be wrong one time?”

Emma shrugs and takes the last bite out of her hot dog. “It’s probably wrong all the time, but I like to believe in it.”

Killian sighs.

Damn perceptive woman.

“Liam has been a little cross with me since I wasn’t home last week to let Skipper out. He does this. He assumes I’m with some woman and gets irritated because he can’t understand that I’m not like him and can’t find someone like Elsa who I want to marry and settle down with. I don’t know. He’s thought of himself as my father for most of his life, and I know he means well, but his intentions don’t always translate.”

“Was that when you were with me?”

“Aye.”

Emma’s foot moves to shift off of him, but he grabs it and keeps it in place before looking up at her. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and has her head twisted to the side. Light reflects off her cheekbones and illuminates the angles of her face and reaches up into her hair. It’s usually golden like threads from a fairytale, but right now it’s a translucent white that matches the smile he’s usually lucky enough to be graced with.

He’s known many beautiful women in his lifetime, but there is something so undeniably different about Emma Swan.

A yellow wildflower in a garden full of red roses. Some people prefer roses with all of their petals perfectly lined up, but he’s always been a fan of flowers showing up in a place they otherwise do not fit and becoming beautiful all the same.

He’s always preferred a wildflower to a rose.

Emma Swan is undoubtedly a wildflower.

“If I’m coming between you guys…” She trails off and worries her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I don’t want that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She motions over to where Liam is sitting at a table with Elsa, David, and Mary Margaret. “You and Liam. I’m the woman you’re sleeping with. I’m the one who is keeping you from having this stable relationship you so want. And we both know he would implode if he found any of this out.”

“You are not keeping me from anything. If I wanted something stable, I’d have it.” Killian pushes her foot off of him and leans forward until his face is within inches of hers and he can see the green of her eyes and the freckles on her nose. He likes that there are more nearly every time he sees her. “And last week I was with you because you needed me as a friend. I’m always going to be here for you like that. That’s rule one, isn’t it?”

Emma huffs and blinks up at him before she finally stops chewing on her lip and smiles. “Hey, it’s your birthday. We should be having more fun than this, shouldn’t we?”

And he knows it’s a conversation change. He’s not blind. But he also isn’t in the mood to push Emma right now. She will push back, and it doesn’t always end up being pretty.

“What do you suggest we do then, love?”

“Do you feel like an old school classic with some drinks involved or should we go raid David and Mary Margaret’s game cabinet?”

“Oh, classic, definitely. You want to do the cereal box one?”

“Is that the one where we all have to pick it up with our mouths? That’s kind of unsanitary.”

Killian’s brows raise. “Your mouth has touched many places on me, so I think you’ll be okay.”

Emma scoffs and pushes against his shoulder. “Don’t be gross. We’re going to do ‘Never Have I Ever’ because this is your twenty-eighth birthday, and we’re all super mature.”

“Obviously. We should have let Mary Margaret and Will do their margarita contest in preparation for this.”

“Mary Margaret’s would have won. “

“If you tell Will that, it will devastate him.”

She shrugs and stands up, stepping into her shoes. “I’ll let him keep his pride. Now, c’mon, it’s time to ask each other very pointed embarrassing questions in the spirit of celebrating your birth.”

-/-

-/-

@qualitycoffeethings​ @mrtinski​ @klynn-stormz​ @scarletslippers​ @jonirobinson64​ @snowbellewells​ @therealstartraveller776​ @thejollyroger-writer​ @sherifemma​ @shardminds​ @captainsjedi​ @galaxyzxstark​ @galadriel26​ @idristardis​ @karenfrommisthaven​ @teamhook​ @spartanguard​ @searchingwardrobes​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @jamif​ @shireness-says​ @ultimiflos​ @nikkiemms​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @onepunintendid​ @bluewildcatfanatic​ @superchocovian​ @killianswannn​ @carpedzem​ @captainkillianswanjones​ @mayquita​ @jennjenn615​ @onceuponaprincessworld​ @a-faekindagirl​ @scientificapricot​ @xellewoods​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @stahlop​ @kmomof4​ @tiganasummertree​ @singersdd​ @tornadoamy​ @cluttermind​ @lfh1226-linda​ @andiirivera​

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 10

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Thursday lunchtime found Hiccup sitting on the same bench in the park he’d spent the majority of his Sunday on. That day seemed so long ago already, although not even a week had passed since he’d seen Astrid again, after eighteen months. Now, after only two days (and most of two nights) of texting with her, he felt like he’d known her his entire life. There was something about talking to her that just came natural to him, like breathing and rolling his eyes at Snotlout.

He glanced nervously at his watch, the big hand running a few minutes ahead. There were twenty minutes left on his break and he needed five to get back to the building. Three if he sprinted. Tapping his finger rapidly on the chipped green paint of the wood he was sitting on, his eyes kept scanning his surroundings over and over again.

Maybe she wasn’t coming after all, for whatever reason. Perhaps she decided that a good book in the hammock in her parents’ garden that she told him about was more worth her time. Spending approximately fifteen minutes with him on a park bench in the middle of the day couldn’t be the most exciting thing she could do on her day off. But in-between their work schedules, seeing each other was harder than he’d anticipated.

He perked up when he suddenly heard someone call his name. And there she was, coming his way down an uneven path on a bicycle, waving at him with a smile on her face. Her hair was barely held back by a headband, flying freely in the airflow.

With a gravel-splattering brake, she came to a stop and leaned her bike against the back of the bench. Out of breath and wiping her hair out of her face, she flopped down next to him.

“Hey,” she panted, taking out her headband, shaking her head and combing through her long golden locks with her fingers. “Sorry I’m late. I wanted to take the bike so I don’t have to search for a parking spot. But the front tire was flat and we only had a hand pump.” She was done with her hair and put the headband back in before finally turning to him with a bright smile that left him speechless for a moment.

“It- It’s okay,” he stammered, momentarily at a loss about how conversations worked. “Now you’re here.”

“Now I’m here.” Her smile and eyes were so captivating, Hiccup could only smile back and stare, his brain wiped clean until she cleared her throat. “Nice weather, right?”

“Ah hmm, yes.” They simultaneously looked the other way, suddenly very interested in the municipal worker emptying a trash can a few benches over. “Very warm. And… dry. Not great for agriculture. Hopefully, it will rain soon, can’t have a bad harvest. Farmers need their money and my dad needs his potatoes. And it’s… kind of muggy?” He was stuck. And he knew that if he didn’t get a grip on himself, he’d keep talking about the weather and his father’s food preferences for the remaining time of his break, even longer if nobody stopped him. After a beat of silence, the awkwardness of the situation released itself in the disbelieving laughter bubbling out of him.

“What?”

He grinned at her, shaking his head and counting on his fingers. “In the past two days we’ve had deep conversations about ghosts, mortality, the difference between the souls of dogs and cats, the possibilities of a fish army, and whether or not dragons could survive in Florida these days. And now all we can talk about is the weather?”

“Well, if you put it like that…” she chuckled.

“Let’s start over, shall we.” He lifted his hand in greeting. “Hello, Astrid. It’s nice to see you. How are you feeling today?”

To his surprise, she high-fived the hand he was still holding up. “Hello, Hiccup. I’m doing fine, thank you very much.” She socked him on the arm.

“Hey, what was that for?!”

She shrugged while he rubbed his sore biceps. “Emphasis. Communication. Affection without words.”

His cheeks felt warm and he hoped it didn’t show. “Do you do that to everyone?”

“No, only to the people I like. And also to those I don’t like, but that’s a whole different angle and intensity. Trust me, you’d know the difference if I didn’t like you.”

“Note to self, don’t get on Astrid’s bad side.” His heart wouldn’t calm down. Why wouldn’t it just calm down? All she did was say that she liked him… Oh, boy. He gulped and changed the topic by voicing the first thought that came to him. “So, how’s married life going?”

For the tiniest fraction of a second, there was a shadow that briefly fell over her cheery demeanor, but it was gone so quickly, he could only wonder if he’d imagined it.

“Oh, you know, it’s very comfortable. There’s always someone there if you need to talk, someone to lean on and spend most of your time with. And, of course, it’s only your turn to clean the bathroom every other week.”

“Sounds like paradise,” he quipped.

“Yeah, not always, though.” When he frowned in question, she quickly added, “Eret’s allergic to dogs. I’ve always wanted a dog since I was a kid, but my parents aren’t big fans of pets. And my husband is allergic, so I have to get my fair share of dog from work.”

“Then what do you do on days you don’t have to work?”

“Suffer.” She pulled up a serious face but the twitching corners of her mouth betrayed her.

“Oh, I know all about that kind of suffering. Toothless, my cat, I’ve had him since I was fifteen. My ex-girlfriend – Heather, you remember Heather? Dagur’s sister? – she didn’t want cat hair all over the couch so he had to stay with my parents. After we broke up, I couldn’t find a good apartment that allowed cats so fast and I didn’t want to move back in with my parents.”

“Totally. I haven’t been here for two weeks and they’re already driving me nuts, especially my mom.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly, that’s why I kept looking for a better apartment and eventually, I found a nice one where I could finally live with my best bud again. And another plus is that I’m no longer living at the edge of the world.”

A sigh escaped her. “I wish I could live on my own again, just for the sake of getting a dog.”

“Really?” He watched her carefully. “Does having a dog really trump spending the rest of your life with the person you love most?”

She averted her face for the few long seconds it took her to answer. “Of course not.” Then, before he could dig deeper, her cheery smile was back. “You never showed me the cat pictures you promised.”

“Oh, right.” He decided to go with the change of topic, although he knew there was something bothering her, something she didn’t want to talk about. Instead, he pulled out his phone and opened a series of pictures of a large black housecat with huge green eyes and a very short tail.

Astrid leaned closer to him in order to look at his phone, her face so close to his that he could count the small freckles on her cheeks. Her hair smelled of something fresh and fruity and he had to concentrate hard to not bury his nose in her hair.

“He’s so cute!” she exclaimed and he shook his head to clear his mind of any inappropriate thoughts.

“Don’t be fooled, he can be the devil himself when he gets cranky.”

“He doesn’t look like it at all! But I personally know that the cutest of them are usually the worst… Hey, he almost has the same eyes as you!” She looked up and he only had half a second to prepare himself before he was once again captured by her gaze. Her eyes were so blue, and he could see his reflection in them in this light. An electric spark crept up his spine, flowed down his arms into his fingers, making them twitch and long to touch her.

He didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing until she coughed and looked back at his phone, cheeks dusted pink.

“What happened to his tail?”

“Huh?”

“His tail, it’s super short.”

“Oh.” He finally regained his focus. “It was bitten off when he was still a kitten, in a fight with the neighbor’s dog.”

“What kind of dog?”

“Hunting dog, I don’t know if I remember… I think it was a Germain short-something, a big white one with a brown head and spots.”

Her face lit up, still so, so close. “German shorthaired pointer. I’m helping train one of those at the moment. Her name is Kira, she’s very energetic, but also super adorable and loves to be pet and cuddled. When she sees people, familiar and new ones, she always comes up to them, puts her paw on their shoe, leans against their leg and looks up at them with big brown eyes.”

While she kept gushing about the dogs she’s working with, her eyes grew bigger, the love for her job and the animals evident in every line of her face, in the way she sat upright and tall like a flower growing towards the sun, the passion for what she did for a living extending from her in a radiant light. Right then and there, he fell in love with her a little bit more.

But then his phone started vibrating in his hand, the alarm he’d set for the end of his break cutting her short.

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, I have to get back to work.” For a moment, he considered quitting his job just to be able to listen to her talk about “her” dogs for a while longer. But she was already standing up and he followed her lead.

“It’s okay, we can talk later.” That alone lifted his heart. “I can walk with you to your building, if you want.”

“Yeah, that– I’d like that.”

Chatting comfortably the whole time, he led the way back to his workplace, with her pushing her bike in-between them. At the entrance, they met Fishlegs who’d been waiting for him like he always did when he started his shift after Hiccup’s lunch break.

Upon spotting a pretty girl with Hiccup who was laughing at something he said, Fishlegs’ face lit up with morbid curiosity. When Hiccup introduced the two with each other and mentioned Astrid’s name, he grinned and said, “I figured.”

“Why?” Astrid asked but before his friend could say anything embarrassing or too telling, Hiccup spoke up.

“So, yeah, now you two have met. But Fish and I, we really need to get going.” He started pushing the other man inside the building, looking back at Astrid over his shoulder. “It was nice seeing you.”

“You, too. Talk to you later?”

He couldn’t have stopped himself from smiling if he had tried. “Of course!” In front of him, still guided backwards by Hiccup, Fishlegs waved goodbye.

“Nice to meet you, Fishlegs!” was the last thing they heard from her before they were inside and the doors closed behind them.

The short walk to the elevator was quiet, but Hiccup could feel the curious questions waft through the air like smoke from a fire of inquisitiveness before they ultimately broke out in a darting flame.

“So how’s it going? You haven’t told me a lot yet, what are you guys talking about? Is Heather’s plan working? Are your feelings morphing into friendship? Or is it getting worse? What’s she like now that you know her better? Or do you not talk that much? Did you just meet her on purpose or coincidentally? And has she told you anything about her current relationship? Do you think you have a chance, romantically speaking?”

Five floors later, just in time with the ding of the elevator, Hiccup finally got a word in. “Will you please breathe?” He had a feeling he wouldn’t get back to his work so soon.

The rest of the way to their office, down a long hallway and around a corner, he didn’t say a word. The last thing he wanted was a new wave of gossip from nosy, eavesdropping colleagues. It had taken them several months to get over the spilled tea incident where Sabrina from down the hall had accidentally poured a whole cup all over her white blouse. Fortunately, the tea had already been cold. Unfortunately, that day she’d worn her thinnest white bra.

When they were back behind closed doors, they sat at their respective workspaces. Hiccup regarded the mess of sketches and manuscript excerpts on his desk, the drawing tablet buried underneath the paper chaos ready to be worked with again. But Fishlegs’ stare was louder than the call of his tasks.

“We’ve been talking a lot over text,” he finally shared, defeated and well aware of how he wouldn’t get out of this conversation until he had it. His friends were way too invested in his love life. “Not awkward talks, though, as I’d originally feared. It’s like talking to someone you’ve known your entire life, with the difference that the inside jokes are only now coming to be. Today during lunch, she asked if I wanted some company and came to the park. And no, she hasn’t said much about Eret or anything regarding her home life, and I didn’t pry.”

Fishlegs scratched his chin. “Sounds like you’re becoming fast friends.”

“Friends, yeah.” He sighed. He was already feeling so much closer to her, but still she was so far out of reach. Like there was a wall that she’d built, for reasons he didn’t understand. Someday, he hoped, he’d gain the trust needed for her to open up. To feel like she could talk to him about what kept her awake until five in the morning, because it couldn’t just be to answer his texts about whether or not his cat had a soul.

“Have your feelings changed about her? If so, I can be the one to tell Heather so you don’t have to hear her say I told you so.”

“I appreciate that, but that’s not necessary. They have changed, kind of, but not in that way. They just grew stronger.” Absentmindedly, he took a pencil and started doodling on a blank piece of paper.

Fishlegs watched him for a few minutes before he pondered, “Maybe she has a dark secret or a really nasty side of her that you don’t know yet.”

Hiccup added shades and details to his sketch. “Last night, she told me about a fight she had with her father about something unimportant, and honestly, her dad was in the right. She was just too stubborn to admit her mistake. Which, if you ask me, is a quality you could call bad, depending on the situation.”

He almost didn’t catch Fishlegs’ mumbled, “Well, at least that makes two of you.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m just saying, you can be quite stubborn as well. Either you’ve found your match, or you’re going to drive each other absolutely mad.” He rolled over on his chair. “What are you drawing there, anyway?”

Hiccup slid the piece of paper back under the mess and pulled out the one he should actually work on. “I’m doing my job, what do you think?” Fishlegs slowly rolled back to his computer. “Now can we switch topics, please?” He grabbed a book from a pile on a desk behind him. “Because I’ve thought a lot about the stats we’ve come up with for the monsters in this book and I have a few new ideas.”

His friend rolled over once more, already full of enthusiasm for one of his favorite topics. The sketch of the exact shape and shades of Astrid’s eyes remained hidden until Hiccup put it in the folder with his other personal sketches once his shift was over. He felt like he could still improve the drawing, but he needed a reference to study rather than relying on his memories and imagination. Would it be weird to ask for a photo of her? It would be solely for artistic purposes, after all.

“I just hope you know what you’re doing,” Fishlegs said when they parted in the parking lot.

“I do,” Hiccup assured, although when it came to Astrid, he felt like he didn’t know anything at all. On his way home, he called her anyway.

[1dffchallenges]

I Hear A Rhapsody

Written By: @sunsetter96​

Characters: Anne/Niall

Summary: Anne is a struggling actress trying to advance her career in Los Angeles while making ends meet financially. When she meets Niall, he introduces her to his love and world of music, but they struggle to create a balance between their relationship and their desire for success.

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter to the first story I am writing. Please let me know what you think :)

Warnings: alcohol

2014 — 

It was June, and I'd never felt anything like it before.

Weeks before, I had been driving to an audition for a role in a movie my friend had told me about just a few days prior, and I was in my car, in the middle of possibly the worst Los Angeles traffic I'd ever experienced.

"Please don't tell me it's true," I said to my phone. "Please don't let this be real," I continued, practicing my lines over and over again into the receiver, speaking as if there really was someone else on the line, as if there really was someone there to connect with.

I hadn't had much time to practice in the past few days, only because I'd been so busy with moving into my new apartment. There was that, — and then there was having to start work at the new bookstore location. They had made me acting manager for the first few weeks. I had a long list of things that I had to do in order to help set up the new location, and I think the worst part of it was accounting and payroll. I'm just terrible with numbers.

"Fuck," I said, realizing I had come to a stop in the middle of traffic while rehearsing my lines. Cars were honking like crazy, as if that would somehow make the line move faster, and the man in the car behind me was going wild over the fact that I had come to a stop. I guess it was my fault for being distracted, but at the same time, those 20 feet that were between me and the next car really couldn't have saved us even a marginal length of time with the amount of traffic there was.

When there was enough of a gap to cut through the left lane, he merged and cut me off aggressively before pulling off at the next exit after a few minutes. I was so fucking late, and this guy was pissing me off. 

I got there just minutes before my audition time and almost ran to the door of the building. I think my audition was one of the last ones of the day, so I was lucky they'd even let me in to go through with it. But I went in and made my audition, albeit without enough time to mentally prepare beforehand.

It went well enough, but I could sense right away that I wouldn't be getting a call back from them. I guess it's true that I didn't fit the role as well as I could have. The listing had called for a girl between ages 18-24, for a supporting role in a movie about a group of girls that went to summer camp and did all of that teen stuff, like fall in love and drink and smoke. I did look like a teen, but I suppose I was already on the back end of that age range considering I was 23. I also didn't look like many of the girls that were there for the audition, too — blonde, tan, and skinny — and maybe that's what they were looking for. I was a thin person but not nearly as skinny and fit as some of the girls there, and I had brown hair and brown eyes.

I guess it didn't matter, because I'd find a role that would suit me eventually. At least I hoped so.

*

Later that day I came home feeling like shit, and I didn't even feel like eating or working out. Thankfully I had the day off the next day, so I just laid in bed looking at social media and watched Netflix until I fell asleep.

My roommate woke me up the next day with the sound of her using the blender. I turned around in bed and saw the time. 7:00 a.m. It was too early for this, but I figured it would be worse for me to be depressed and lay in bed all day.

"Cecilia?" I called out after coming out of the bathroom. "Why are you using the blender so early?"

"Sorry dude," she responded. "I'm going out for a run at 8:00, but I wanted to eat something light beforehand, so I made myself a smoothie."

"Oh, that sounds good," I told her. A run actually sounded good despite my tiredness. "Can I come with?"

"Sure," she said. "Let me make you a smoothie, too."

I went back to my room and washed my face and teeth before putting on some workout clothes. Cecilia had made me an icy blueberry smoothie with greek yogurt, and it was absolutely delicious. I think I've always been in love with liquid food (like smoothies or margaritas), because they're so easy. I have a sensitive stomach, but somehow her smoothies have always soothed me, physically and emotionally. 

Maybe I'm just a little bit intense, but I think that's also what drove me to want to act. All of the things that I feel — that emotion and the intensity I seek with others and in simple, everyday tasks — that's what engrosses each line that I act and every character I play. And I hoped in that moment that I could transfer that intense energy to my acting, and maybe one day be recognized for it.

Cecilia and I drank our smoothies and talked about our plans for next weekend. We had been invited to 70s themed party where there would be a live band and an open bar. It was pretty exciting, especially for her, because the guy she had been sort of dating invited her to come and bring a friend.

"His name is Louis," she smiled. "He's a producer, and his company has themed parties sometimes, kind of to help artists network and to celebrate a new release."

"Oh, I see," I said. "Well, I'm just happy that you're enjoying yourself with him. Let's see how this party goes. I'm so excited to get our outfits together and dress 70s style," I laughed.

"I knew you would love that idea! You've always loved 70s rock, so that's right up your alley," she says.

We left the house and ended up running to the park near our neighborhood. I'm actually glad she woke up early that morning, because it forced me to get out of the depressed mood I was in. 

We talked more about what outfits we would wear to the party as we ran, and she decided that she would dress disco themed, while I wanted to wear something more hippie style. My hair was long enough to do the hair style, but I thought it might look nice if I straightened it and wore a flower crown.

"Anne," she said. "I think we should use this opportunity, this party, this experience — to have a lot of fun. It's been so long since we've done something crazy. So yes, we will be drinking margaritas and we will be taking shots this time."

"Okay," I laughed with her. "I'll try to keep up, but it's been a while since I've drank."

We came to a stop at the end of the trail going around the park, and leaned against the rails, looking back at the playground, across the grassy field. In the distance, I could see a couple walking their dog together, holding hands and laughing together. I looked over at Cecilia and she was looking at them, too.

My mind took me back to our past relationships in that moment, and I remembered how it felt to hold someone else's hand like that couple. I remembered that feeling of warmth and security when you held the hand of someone you knew well but also that clamminess you felt when you would first hold hands with someone because you were nervous. I missed that feeling, and I could tell Cecilia felt the same.

We were like that when we were together sometimes. We thought so alike that I felt like she was my other half, and even my soulmate in some sense. I had never felt that for another man, but I did for her, even though I wasn't romantically attracted to her. 

Last year both of us had broken up with our boyfriends within months of each other, and we had decided to move in together after our leases ended. It was interesting how we had both started dating our exes at the same time, when we were just 19, and how we had both spent those three years spiraling in abusive relationships. 

It was sad to think, but somehow I felt that our respective heartbreaks had brought us closer together. We had drifted apart when we got into those relationships, the first long-term relationship we both had ever had, but their ending is what helped our friendship grow even more. She was always there for me when I was grieving, and perhaps it had been destiny that led us to this very moment in time.

You could argue that this moment wasn't anything special, but it was small moments like these that I would always remember.

"I'm so happy you're coming with me to this party," she smiled. "And maybe we'll be able to meet some cute guys there."

"That's true," I laughed at her comment.

We were both looking forward to the party, not just to have fun but to use it as an opportunity to let go of our past, including the pain we had felt for so many years. While Cecilia had dated on and off in the past few months, I couldn't bring myself to open up to anyone yet, especially not to any stranger at a party. It had been months since I had talked to a guy more than casually or as a friend.

"Honestly, I'm just ready to get drunk and forget everything, my inhibitions, all of it," I breathed out.

"Okay, Anne," she laughs. "I'll make sure to be the drink police for you all night. If I don't see a drink in your hand, you'll have to take a shot with me. It's the law — no fighting me and no questions asked!" she points at me.

We both started laughing and talked for a few more minutes, allowing our heartbeats to slow down as we relaxed from our run. When we got home, I spent the rest of the morning relaxing and cleaning up my room and around the house. Cecilia had left for work at 11, so I looked online for more auditions and recorded one video to send to a casting agent for review. 

While I was settling down that evening to eat my dinner, I got a notification from Cecilia on instagram — it was a picture of some guys standing together.

Hey dude, this is the band that's going to play at the party. Louis told me that they're really good.

Thank you <3 I'll check them out, I told her.

I looked up their profile, and they were called "The Breakers." From the picture, I could see that guy Louis had been tagged, and he was posing next to a couple of guys, one of which I guess was the main songwriter who had worked with him. The picture was of them at their studio, celebrating the completion of their debut album.

I ended up looking them up on Spotify and listened to a few of their songs — they were definitely my type of music. I could hear various elements of classic rock and psychedelic music in their melodies, mixed with a bit of pop and even jazz. 

That night, I went to bed listening to a few of their songs through my headphones, letting myself get lost in the melodies, just as I would do when in character sometimes. It was interesting how music informed a lot of my life, and I think if I hadn't gone into acting, I probably would have tried to be an artist.

If there was one thing I was sure about, it's that I needed to start taking my acting career seriously. I had already been in Los Angeles for four years, with nothing coming to fruition, and I just hoped that destiny would take me where I needed to be, soon.

[purplesurveys]

1059

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Lie in bed, even on work days. I work from home, so there’s nothing to prepare or look nice for, anyway. I can stay in bed and just roll out of it and head to my desk at 9 AM to start the day.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? Video calls make me anxious, so I’ve always turned them down even when it was someone I’m close with who was trying to call, like Angela. The only person I’ve felt comfortable having video calls with was Gab but that obviously hasn’t happened in a while. I think the last people I saw on video was my dad’s family, though I was still shy and asked my mom not to put me in the shot for too long.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? Back then I’d do it 2-3 times a week. Then Covid happened and I had to stop; but now that I’m starting to try to put in more effort to take care of myself, I try to bring myself to a coffee shop for me time at least once during weekends.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? Dine-in. For me ambience is a big part of eating food, and even if I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting to eat the absolute best meal in the whole world, if I’m eating it alone at home I would still feel like shit.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks. We have five joints in the highway I live on alone, so it’s both a personal preference and a I-don’t-really-have-a-choice type of situation haha.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? It’s on vibrate during work days; then I’ve formed a habit of putting it on Do Not Disturb during weekends or holidays.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper thought my hand was a toy earlier so he was biting on it, and not in a very playful way.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Around a week ago when I was buying presents; I needed to get my cousin the mechanical pencils and eraser she wanted for Christmas. I also came across the bookshop that Gab and I would make a habit to visit, but I didn’t go inside as I didn’t know if I was prepared for the memories that would inevitably flood back. I looked through the stuff they had on their windows, though.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I don’t know if Amazon operates here. But the last thing I got from a local e-commerce app - don’t judge me HAHA - is a phone socket featuring the face of my newest K-drama crush. I placed my order literally 10 minutes ago.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Yesterday. Both were my family’s dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? Not wearing any, haven’t worn any in a while.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Just shampoo and conditioner. I never put anything else on it; I don’t really deem hair products other than those two a necessity.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Hahaha no. I’ve wanted to try it out, but I’ve always been paranoid that the NBI would come knocking at my door the moment I install one of those.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? She’s a Korean singer named Cheeze, though she’s honestly unfamiliar to me. The song she contributed for the OST of Start-Up is my absolute favorite in the entire tracklist, and that’s how I knew of her.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? I’m at a cafe joint right now and they didn’t have my usual order of caramel macchiato, so I opted for a Spanish latté because it sounded new to me.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I made a Monte Cristo sandwich, if that counts as ~cooking; this was about a little more than a monthh ago. It worked out significantly better than I was expecting, given how rubbish I am in the kitchen. I lacked a couple of ingredients, like mustard for the sauce and the right kind of cheese, but I still ended up liking it.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Not me personally, but I know this is still widely believed in my country. It’s sad, so I approach black cats whenever I can and play with them for a bit.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It is definitely not my favorite; I’d say 5 times out of 10 I would consume it, and the other 5 I would set it aside. I enjoy it the most in pizzas and as a sauce for chicken wings.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Is that the standard schedule? Lmao. I only go when I have to.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? I was first exposed to the internet at around the ages of 3 and 4, when my mom would use the dial-up internet to email my dad (he had just started to work abroad). For many years I thought Yahoo Mail was the only website that existed, since that’s all I saw my mom use. Eventually my dad got broadband for the family by the time I was 10, and the first website I ever looked up was YouTube.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I remember those; I just never had to use them myself.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? Andi gave me a Petals For Armor CD for Christmas, if it counts. Because they’re the most awesome fucking friend. The last DVD I bought myself was probably a Beyoncé's Life Is But A Dream, which was...holy crap, 7 whole years ago.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? I do. I shave my underarms every few days, and my legs monthly.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? We don’t have the usual four seasons we hear about in other countries; we only have wet and dry. Between those two, I definitely like wet more because I love the rain, and I like how cold it can get.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I took a big bite of a lumpiang togue yesterday when it was still piping hot, so it felt like I almost burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. But since I was a guest at my dad’s family’s house, I couldn’t spit it out.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Someone stole my wallet in high school, and I never got it back. It was a small petty thing that the police didn’t need to be involved in, lol. I know my mom’s family got robbed when she was a teenager, though; the worst thing that got stolen was their grand piano :(

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? START UP. I first heard of it from my co-workers who would mention the show here and there; and because I was new to the team and wanted to have something in common with them so that I can break the ice, I figured I should start on the show myself. Ended up getting obsessed with the show and gaining a new Korean crush altogether.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? No, those have never looked even remotely appealing to me. I never saw the point of recycling movies that already exist and already feel magical by themselves.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? It doesn’t sound exciting on its own, but I’m very much looking forward to be a homebody tomorrow haha. We’ve been with extended family for five days straight and I’m at a café right now for some me time, so tomorrow I can’t wait to just be at home and lounge around.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If the dog is already trained or certified to be a certain kind of working dog, I don’t see the point in keeping them for myself when they could be beneficial for other purposes. The only time I see myself adopting a working dog is if they’re already at the point of retirement and would need a loving home to live out their remaining years.

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1 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Love garlic bread; I regularly have it with my pasta and occasionally, pizza.

2 - When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? Last month, during Typhoon Rolly. Other cities had worse experiences, but it also wasn’t sunshine and rainbows on our end. We had a blackout for around two days and I had to file for an emergency leave four days into my new job, which was super embarrassing. It didn’t flood in our street but the water was high in other areas in our village, so we couldn’t go out for a while.

3 - Do you ever buy things from charity/thrift shops? What was the last thing you bought from there? I don’t recall ever buying anything from either.

4 - The last time you got fast food, did you eat in, takeaway or go through the drive-thru? My last fast food wasssssss Jollibee, and my parents got it for takeout so that we could eat as a family at home.

5 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Hahaha no they don’t. It’s been six months since we got Cooper but the two still don’t get along, unless it’s Kimi trying to hump him. It’s understandable; Cooper is a vibrant pup that’s super excited and play bites all the time, and on the other side is a nearly 13 year old, nearly blind, can’t-smell-as-well-as-he-used-to senior dog; and I get that Kimi’s more sensitive to sudden movements now.

6 - Do you ever buy things off eBay? If you do, do you participate in auctions or do you just use the “buy it now” option? I never go on eBay. And since I’ve never checked it out, I never understood the gimmick of the website.

7 - When you go out, do you worry that you’ve forgotten to lock the door or turn something off? Yeah, this is especially the case with locking the front door.

8 - What fruits and vegetables have you eaten so far today? Do you tend to get your “five a day”? I didn’t know five a day is a thing of some sort; but it’s only 8:47 AM and I haven’t eaten anything at all yet today.

9 - When was the last time you were in pain? What caused it and did you manage to get it sorted in the end? Last night when my back was giving me hell. As for the cause...idk, years of bad posture maybe? I was able to deal with it for a bit with the new massage pillow that my dad got for Christmas.

10 - Do you live in an area that gets lots of snow? Do you like it? If not, would you like to live somewhere that gets that cold? I would love to move somewhere that’s generally more cold. Humidity gets exhausting to deal with.

11 - What was the reason for your last doctor/hospital visit? My fever had already been lasting for a week and wasn’t showing signs of going away. No Covid symptoms, just pure hellish fever.

12 - If someone had told you that 2020 would see a global pandemic, countries going into lockdown, compulsory face masks and millions of deaths, would you have ever believed that you’d live through something like that? My personal biggest surprise for 2020 wasn’t even the pandemic. I would have had a more violent reaction if I was told I would no longer be in a relationship and be barely talking to my then-girlfriend of six years by the end of 2020.

13 - Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? Always closed. I don’t ever voluntarily open the curtains or windows to let the sunshine in.

14 - Do you use an ad-blocker on your computer or phone? Why/why not? I use one on my laptop because the ones on YouTube can be extremely annoying. I didn’t know it was possible to put on ad blockers on phones (is it?).

15 - Do you still use a paper diary/planner to organise your appointments and schedules? No, but I’m thinking of getting a planner again for 2021. I used to get a Starbucks planner every year just because I wanted to get into their Christmas promo hype, but I never completed any of them. Now that I’m working and am busier all around, I see the bigger need for a planner. These days, I use a Google extension called Momentum to list down my to-do tasks. My parents also got me a corkboard for Christmas on which I stick notepads with things I have to do for the day.

16 - When was the last time you charged one of your electronic items? Do you have to charge that specific item often? I’m charging my laptop now. At this point it’s always plugged in because I want to keep the cycle count low, though I’m not sure if it’s the healthiest thing to do.

17 - Have you ever thrown or broken something in a temper? Yes, definitely. I’m not normally aggressive when angry, but sometimes it happens.

18 - What does your outfit look like today? Did you pick it out for a special reason? I have on a black sundress that I didn’t change out of. I wore it yesterday when I went to a coffee shop to spend some time on my own.

19 - Do you follow any vlogs or podcasts? What is it about them that interests you? I do follow certain channels who do vlogs, but I never tune into them since most of them have gotten a little uninteresting. I’m also subscribed to several podcasts like Andi’s and Renee Young’s, but I’m not always in a podcast mood; I subscribe because I want to support them.

20 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? Do you go through phases of visiting certain websites? I visit Twitter and YouTube the most often. I will binge Reddit every now and then, and I will get into a Wikipedia black hole at least once a week.

21 - Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, what about your cousins or extended family? I do not maintain a relationship with my brother after he physically assaulted me last year. My sister and I are on good terms, but we’re not close in that I can cry to her or that we know each other’s secrets. We have a very good casual relationship, and we never argue.

22 - When was the last time you were up early enough to see the sunrise? I hate the sun so I don’t really do that lol.

23 - What movie series did you last watch from start to finish? Was it one you’d seen before? I only ever do this with Twilight. I have my annual Twilight Saga marathon where I watch all five films in one afternoon hahaha.

24 - Do you still enjoy watching children’s TV programmes? What was the last one you watched? Yeah, but only the ones I watched as a kid. My cousins and I watched the Wet Painters episode of Spongebob last Christmas Eve right after we finished Midsommar.

25 - Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? I have no idea. I’ve been going in and out of deactivation, so at this point I’m sure people no longer have any clue if I’m on a certain social media website or not.

26 - What was the last thing you took a photograph of? It was a screenshot of something I wanted to show Angela.

27 - Are you a fan of giving animals human names? Sure. I certainly find it funny when pets are given incredibly ordinary human names, like Bob or Mark.

28 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with what the scale said? Christmas Eve eve, when I saw a weighing scale in my cousin’s room. I mean it’s what I’ve weighed for the last 5 years or so, so I have no complaints.

29 - How often do you buy yourself new clothes? What was the last clothing item you bought for yourself? Used to be a few times every month, but I have not bought anything new since before the pandemic. The last items I got were still the tops with puffed sleeves that I bought in March.

30 - What is the reason behind your mood today? Is this something you could have done something about? I’m mostly at ease; a little anxious because work continues for a certain headache of a client even though we told them our office would be on shutdown; and a little melancholic for no reason. I’m trying to combat the latter by doing my embroidery and it’s kind of helping, but the sads are still lingering.

[toasty-coconut]

You know, I realize I’ve been away from this blog for so long that I should probably give a life update?? If you’re curious about what my life has been like for the past 3 years, read on haha

I’ll just bullet point them...

Last I was really here on a personal level I lost my 15 year old cousin. I don’t really wanna get into the details of it since I’ve discussed it in the past. But it was a horrible accident that resulted in a HUGE and very tiring law suit that my family fortunately won. It’s an event that really changed the course of my life and my outlook on pretty much everything. It’s something I think about daily.

I graduated from college!! It took me 7 years to do it and nearly flunking out, but I did it and I’ve never been prouder of myself! >w< I have a degree in English and I couldn’t be happier! My graduation day was the proudest moment of my life!!

I work as an editor for an online magazine and it’s actually the worst thing ever lol I don’t wanna get too public about it, but I’ve been working there for 2 years now and my boss is literally the scum of the earth. I’ve been through probably 10 different rotations of coworkers and none of the people who were there when I started work there anymore lol The longest I’ve had a coworker for is 7 months. But hey, it’s a job, right?

I don’t speak to my mother anymore. Again, won’t get into too much detail, but we had a violent incident involving her take place a year and a half ago. The cops needed to be called and my sister and I were basically told we’re allowed to have a restraining order if we want (we chose not to because legal matters are... complicated). She’s SEVERELY mentally ill and being around her was doing more harm than good. We’ve tried to sort it out in therapy many times over, but she won’t give. A very recent incident involving her blowing up on Facebook has left us cut off from her entirely, pretty much.

I have my own apartment and I live with my two best friends! :D One of whom is my childhood best friend @kasuria and the other is my other best friend who I actually met here on Tumblr years ago @noodlerama! I’m so happy living with them. Getting to see them every day of my life is like a dream come true T AT Some people move in with their romantic S/Os, well I’ve got my best friend S/Os and I couldn’t ask for anything more!

My puppy Molly unfortunately passed away suddenly last June due to health complications :( She was 12 years old, which is a good age, but man I miss her so much. My mother didn’t even have the decency to tell my sisters and I that she was sick. We got the text 15 minutes before she died that she wasn’t doing well, so we didn’t get the chance to say goodbye and my mom buried her before we could come over so that we couldn’t see her. It’s something I’m still grappling with. Losing her was very hard on me and I miss her CONSTANTLY. I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to “move on” fully until I have a dog of my own. I just miss her so much.

But, on a happier note, Kelly, Dimitri, and I got a kitten last year! ; ^; She’s a black and white short hair named Mochi! She’s a little ball of energy who I adore to death. I’ve never had a cat before and never considered myself to be a cat person, but I just love her so much. She’s perfect in every way. She’s super friendly and affectionate. I just really love animals. I’m actually on a breeder’s list to get an Akita (Japanese) eventually, but I want to be a little more steady financially before I fully invest. Maybe next year?

I’ve picked up drawing again! I used to draw all the time, but lost confidence in high school and stopped. But then I decided... why not try again? And I’m really happy I did! It’s been so much fun and I’m learning all the time! I finally get to draw my OCs for real ; ^; I’m also still writing avidly! Especially lately! I’m pretty close to finishing the next PDTL chapter... I just have to... do it lol

Fandom-wise, you can probably tell I’m VERY into Little Witch Academia at the moment. I watched the show when it aired, but my love for it was reignited recently for no real reason lol I just adore Akko Kagari with all my heart... BUT Pokemon will always be my forever girl. I love Pokeani so much and have been watching the new series every week! I love Goh and Ash ;A; They’re such good boys! And I’m still super into Love Live! I actually got to see Aqours perform in LA a few years ago, and also got to see Guilty Kiss with all of my friends in NYC this past fall! It was so much fuuunnnn.

My OCs are still my life. Kelly and I have been working super hard on updating profiles and stuff. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of these kiddos. If you haven’t seen our pokeani OCs, please check out our blog @pkmn-downtheline!

Like everyone else I am... in quarantine right now and... dealing lol It’s not great, but I’m sort of an introvert by nature anyways, so it could be worse, I guess? I miss going out, seeing my friends, conventions, and everything, though... It sucks and I want this to be over. But I understand we gotta do this till COVID passes. But uugghhh I’m tired lol

That’s basically it! My life has had a LOT of crazy ups and downs over the past few years, but I’m still pushing through and moving forward. I just wanna take things one day at a time. But I’m here more once again and it’s been nice! Tumblr really is a good platform, even if it is a little broken lol

[lonelyhearteds-a]

hi . 

okay , ive literally been sitting on this for actual months now because i realize there are more important things going on in the world right now , but im at my own personal breaking point and i’ve realized that i need a space to get everything off my chest and this is as good as it gets since i can’t afford therapy so ,, here goes nothing . 

tl;dr.  tw : drugs , mentions of suicide , overall negativity

so , we’re gonna ignore january and february issues because honestly .... i don’t recognize those months as canon . anyways , i’ve been off of tumblr since the pandemic started in america in march . i lost my job , and i’ve had to use my personal time in order to keep getting something in my bank account , but i was making that + unemployment for a few weeks . everything was fine , truthfully and utterly i was making enough just off of unemployment despite the fact it took 3 weeks to even be processed . then everything hit the fan and it flew everywhere . my mom relapsed in mid-april and she relapsed hard , but me pretending it’s just her illnesses went about my business and decided to ignore it until it exploded in my face . i’m not going into too much detail about it , but with everything she’s done since april we’ve now got a really broken and fractured relationship . it’s taken me nearly fourteen years to realize the amount of sheer trauma she’s put me through ; mentally , physically and emotionally . then , we were almost evicted because she didn’t pay rent for two months - so i had to use my entire stimulus check just to catch up on rent and the mortgage payments . then , i went back to work in may just to process shipping orders . again , was fine for the most part , however i wasn’t making as much and what i had saved my mom found a way to guilt me to spend it . this went on all of may , living paycheck to paycheck . june week one came along and my mom overdosed . this was one of the worst experiences of my life ; it was re-opening week ( apparently clothing is essential during a pandemic )  , my mom was acting like she had no common sense ( destroying the house , not feeing the animals , not taking care of herself , LOSING MY CAT , locking the dogs in the car in 100 degree heat , calling me names i dont even want to repeat .. amongst other situations ), and i didn’t eat . for a week . i was sick to my stomach with stress and exhaustion , living off of literally 5 hours of sleep between friday and thursday when i finally got help from my family after begging them to help me send her to a psych ward for two weeks . she called me every single day and we’d argue every single day . when she was released , it was as if nothing’s changed . she said she was gonna change , but she hasn’t . she walks around with a rain cloud above her head and if i don’t give her money , she guilts me into doing it . so on so fourth . we argue almost everyday about something , whether it’s money or my attitude somehow making her life worse . i asked her one day if she’s ever going to be happy and she flat out told me no . there’s so much more going on with her but if i posted it all i might as well write a book . i’ve never wanted to kill myself more than i do everyday so far this month .

now , july , i’ve recognized i can’t keep living like this . my company has filed for bankruptcy and is closing more than 1200 stores and we don’t know which ones are closing and which ones are remaining opened yet , but if my store closes i have no money to fall back on until i find a new job . i have no money for groceries or pet food , and i don’t have enough to pay all of the bills . my mom over drafted one of my accounts and now i have to pay that back with my next paycheck which means i’m losing $110 automatically when i get paid next .

i’m honestly just exhausted ? like . i’m twenty-three years old and i literally have no will to live because of this woman and the shit she’s put me through . i was not planning on making it to my birthday this year and i was definitely not planning on making it to august . i don’t know . to be frank , i don’t have the energy to care about anything anymore and my anxiety keeps telling my some of my closest friends are over me when there’s no reason for me to even believe that . i’m seeing them all next year at different times and i know they’re excited to see me but i sat here the other day just questioning if that’s even real . i don’t have any friends in the town i live in ; i don’t go out and do things because of corona and if i do , my mom forces herself along . if i buy myself something i have to buy her something or it turns into an argument and an all around guilt trip . 

i’m trying so hard to save enough so i can move out , but .. it’s almost impossible at this point . and i don’t know what to do . i work full time ; there is no reason i should have to consider getting another part time job just to survive . i shouldn’t have had to to parent my parent and sacrifice so much of my life . i shouldn’t be this mentally fucked up , but here i am , once again , crying over spilled tea .

anyways , if you read all the way through , i don’t know when i’m returning to tumblr , but when i do i am still going to be moving blogs . nonetheless , i’m on d*scord ( ♡ kezrah fan club president ♡#9812 ) and i’ve been doing more rp things on there if anyone wants to talk or do things again ( im always game for a welcomed distraction , even if it takes me a minute to reply ) ; i still , for the most part , have the same muses that are listed on my page . love u all loads nd loads .

[tomakeitbeautifultolive]

Why do people use genetics as an argument against Jon/Dany? This is a fantasy series where it is literally mentioned that an empire was built by a ruling cast that practiced bro/sis cest for 5k yrs and became the most adv. civ in history. IRL, Targs would be ugly and sterile if they continued with their level of incest. Clearly genetics work a bit differently in Planetos.

Anon, I completely agree. What I’ve noticed is that many arguments for or against characters and their actions are very heavily based around modern standards and morality. Which doesn’t work for many other aspects of the series, either - whether that be basic decision making, politics, etc. Jonerys fans have been struggling with people harassing us about the incest thing for ages - to the point where we’ve come so defensive about it that it’s now a non-issue (or, like in my case, we write incest-based fanfic in response lmfao)

This is Westeros, fam. Everyone’s related (except for like, the Greyjoys and Lannisters - or so I’m told).

“Jon’s a Stark, he’d never do that!”

Uh, yeah. Rickard and Lyarra were cousins. Tywin and Joanna were cousins. Cousin marriage is completely normal in Westeros. So, if you want to apply Earth standards, here, unrelated people is normal and cousin marriage is still practiced all over the world. So then, in Westeros, aunt/nephew would be probably as weird as cousin marriage on earth.

But again, they’re Targaryens. It’s not exactly unprecedented.

How bad is it, though, by Earth standards?

Two unrelated people: 3% chance of birth deformityCousins: 6% chance of birth deformityAunt/nephew: 12% chance of birth deformity

Like you said - using Earth’s standards, it could be that Targs might be sterile or fucked up. But even in some cases, like in Ancient Egypt, royalty bred for ‘purity’.

I’ve unfortunately looked into this because believe it or not, there was once a time that it bothered me just a smidge. And I feel like I know about incest more than the average person who wants to act like it’s the most vile thing to have ever happened in the show.

Just like you double up on bad genes - which is where these percentages come from - you also double up on good ones. Like say, if you believe only Targaryens can ride dragons. Whether or not that’s true, many Targaryens believe this, which is why, if they didn’t practice incest, they’d hop on over to Lys and try finding Valyrian-looking brides.

The worst it can possibly get, though, is twincest. Cersei and Jaime have three children together, each seeming genetically perfect, aside from Joffrey’s possible mental illness. But we can’t prove whether that is nature or nurture, maybe a little bit of both. Ramsay probably wasn’t born of incest, and yet he’s a monster, too. Tommen and Myrcella are just regular kids.

So maybe Aerys and his madness had nothing to do with incest, or maybe it did. One thing people tend to forget when it does come to his madness is that he was held prisoner and tortured for months. Kind of like another mad ruler with an affinity for wildfire and torture.

People will often pop up on comments I’ve made about this before and get offended when I insinuate that gore and violence is worse than incest. Give me incest all day over violence, I say. I can already hear the “You can’t tell me to accept incest!” counters - And that’s never what I’m asking. But I am asking you to accept that we have every reason to believe incest doesn’t work on Planetos like it does on Earth, and that there’s a good chance Jon and Dany’s offspring won’t be horrible monsters. Which is what the argument tends to be (as if they actually care about the wellbeing of a baby that is barely conceived). Also, let’s say they do have a deformed baby. First of all, they conceived without knowing they were related, and further - Jon and Dany would be the perfect parents considering they don’t judge Tyrion for his birth defect. There’s not really a moral argument to even be had, here.

When it comes to Jon and Dany, themselves? Sorry, but they’re just not going to be bothered. It’s more obvious when it comes to Dany. Here we get an explanation of why she assumed she would marry her brother:

“She had always assumed that she would wed Viserys when she came of age. For centuries the Targaryens had married brother to sister, since Aegon the Conqueror had taken his sisters to bride. The line must be kept pure, Viserys had told her a thousand times; theirs was the kingsblood, the golden blood of old Valyria, the blood of the dragon. Dragons did not mate with the beasts of the field, and Targaryens did not mingle their blood with that of lesser men.”

Here Dany is, thinking about how she might’ve married Rhaegar’s son:

“Five Aegons had ruled the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. There would have been a sixth, but the Usurper’s dogs had murdered her brother’s son when he was still a babe at the breast. If he had lived, I might have married him.”

When it comes to Jon, it’s a little more subtle. It’s fair to say that Jon’s feelings for Arya border on romantic (please keep in mind this is different than sexual). Why? Because Arya is quite possibly the first and only female who ever treated Jon with respect or kindness - and to Jon, kindness might be a more attractive trait than unrelatedness lol. His first love interest, Ygritte, makes him think of Arya, from her stubbornness, wildness, and tangled hair to her body type:

“She reminded him a little of his sister Arya, though Arya was younger and probably skinnier. It was hard to tell how plump or thin Ygritte might be, with all the furs and skins she wore.”

“Her shaggy mop of red hair stuck out in all directions. She looked plump as she crouched there, but most of that was layers of fur and wool and leather. Underneath all that she could be as skinny as Arya.”

Arya greatly influenced the type of woman Jon is attracted to:

“A warrior princess, he decided, not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair and waiting for some knight to rescue her.”

Brushing her hair. Jon associates tangled hair with Arya and now Ygritte. Both warrior women, as well as Val, who inspired the above quote. All of this goes back to little Arya - again, likely the only female to ever show the boy any kindness before he goes off to the Wall to presumably, never interact with women again.

So, if Jon then meets Daenerys, who yes, he butts heads with at first (just like Ygritte), but who ultimately shows him not only kindness, but mutual respect despite his ‘bastard’ name… I really don’t think that everything they’ve built will be shattered because she’s a little more related to him than is socially acceptable in Westeros. And once Dany teaches him a little more about the true Targaryen way, there’s a good chance Jon might even be into it. 😏

At least, his actor, Kit Harington seems to think so:

“I really hope that he just nods slowly and goes, ‘Damned right’. Something really horribly inappropriate, and you find out Jon’s had a really sick mind the whole time. That’s the way I’d love to play it. I’ll try it for one take, anyway.”

Fingers crossed we get that take in the subsequent documentary, eh? 😅

[hollyoaksloversx]

Goodbye, Myra...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (25th-29th March 2019)

Hold the front page, for this week, a Mercedes McQueen wedding actually went off without a hitch! Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for her Mother, Myra, so sadly we’re still no closer to seeing a successful McQueen double wedding. At the start of the week, Liam was still causing trouble for Mercedes, but she finally stood up to him and told him she wouldn’t be threatened. Myra, on the other hand, had a serious case of pre-marital guilt, having shared a snog with Stevie Scaramouche a few weeks back. As everyone gathered at The Dog for the ceremony, Myra was having a meltdown in the toilets over the situation, but Nana and Scott convinced her to keep shutm, reasoning that what Sally didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. Unfortunately, once the trio had left, a heartbroken Sally emerged from one of the cubicles...

Mercedes and Sylver got married first, giving Sally plenty of time to question whether or not she was doing the right thing. When Sally and Myra’s turn came, a video message from John Paul was played, and it looked like Sally might just go through with it. However, Sally confronted Myra over her kiss and told her she couldn’t marry her. The following day, Sally made plans to leave the village, however, Myra shocked everyone by announcing that she would leave instead, pointing out that she was the reason that the wedding hadn’t gone ahead. Myra departed the village in spectacular fashion; riding off in a giant pumpkin to join Jacqui and Michaela in Alicante. One would hope that Myra wasn’t planning on travelling all the way to the airport in the pumpkin. That thing on the motorway is an accident waiting to happen. Future Hollyoaks stunt, maybe?

Meanwhile, Damon and Brody were busy preparing the Loveboat for the launch of whatever their latest business idea is and wannabe journalist, Yasmine, was on hand to interview the pair for her vlog. Of course, we know that it is Brody and Damon’s dream to open their own bar in New York, but this was news to Maxine and she was left devastated when Liberty showed her Yasmine’s vlog, in which the pair spoke about their future plans. Damon was soon distracted from his renovations when Maxine was rushed to hospital, once again experiencing some strange symptoms. At the hospital, Misbah was left baffled by Maxine’s symptoms, and arranged for a lumbar puncture to take place. However, Maxine did a runner before this could take place but told Damon this was going to be carried out at a later date. Back at the boat, Damon was in a right state over Maxine’s condition and worried that he wouldn’t be able to support her, pointing out that Maggie had kept her cancer a secret due to his inability to cope. Luckily, Brody was able to convince Damon otherwise, and Damon ended the week by inviting himself to move in with Maxine and Minnie...

Elsewhere, Romeo found himself in a tight spot as he faced questioning over Mac’s death. Luckily, the police were unable to find any concrete evidence of his involvement and he was released whilst investigations continued. Meanwhile, over at the school, Juliet was having a tough time coming to terms with her Father’s murder and Brother’s arrest, and barricaded herself in a classroom and threatened to burn the school down. Whilst Laurie, Sienna and Nancy flapped about trying and failing to deal with the situation, Brooke had a brainwave and knew just the person who could help; Darren. Luckily, Brooke’s instincts were correct and Hollyoaks High was saved from another fiery disaster. Juliet was delighted to find that Romeo had been released, however, she was left frustrated by the fact that no one wanted to talk about Mac. However, Juliet found an ally in Marnie, who shared some stories about Mac in his youth and told Juliet that she could always come to her if she wanted to remember her Father.

Also this week, Liam’s downward spiral continued and almost cost him his life when Joel found him having a drug induced seizure at The Loft. Joel rushed the wannabe gangster to hospital but was left alarmed when he heard Liam calling out for Eva in his sleep. With the support of Jesse, Liam acknowledged that he wasn’t over Eva and began to re-evaluate his life choices...

Finally, Sinead was seething with jealousy when she discovered that Laurie and Sienna were going on a school camping trip together. This information also came as news to Sienna, who had not yet been approached about the excursion, and was less than keen knowing that she would be going with Laurie. Sally also wasn’t impressed with the idea, given the history between the pair, but Laurie was quick to reassure her that they had put the kiss behind them and would be sleeping in separate tents anyway. However, Laurie was later seen ripping up one of the tents...

5 Things we Learned This Week:

1. Sun is more important than family. We’ve heard all manner of excuses over the years as to why absent family members can’t make weddings and other such events but this has to be one of the worst, given by Jacqui and Michaela McQueen this week. What happened to a good old fashioned tummy bug preventing a character from boarding the plane?! At least pretend you want to come, guys!

2. Moving to Hollyoaks sucks, and Juliet’s just realised it. Juliet’s only lived in the village for a couple of months but has already had to endure more trauma than most people do in a lifetime. She met her long lost Father, then discovered he was a bit of a bastard, had to deal with her Brother being arrested for her Father’s murder and now she’s sharing a house with Cindy and Marnie. Poor kid, especially when you consider that her life prior to Hollyoaks was nothing to write home about...

3. Myra McQueen exists purely to be given bizarre exits. Remember her first goodbye back in 2013? She was seemingly shot dead by Doctor Browning into a body of water only to turn up alive and well at the airport a couple of days later. This time, she’s heading off for a new life in a horse drawn pumpkin.  I fully expect her to be abducted by aliens next time she departs the village!

4. Grief is a funny old thing. Liam had only known Eva for a few months when she died, yet he’s spent the last two years in a deep depression over her death. He’s actually been grieving for her for far longer that he knew her. On the other hand, other characters move on from the death of a loved one at break-neck speed. Remember Carmel kissing Sonny in the cemetery when poor Jim’s grave hadn’t yet been filled in?

5. Breda’s the gift that keeps on giving. What does every son want from his Mother as a wedding present? That’s right, for her to move in with him and his new wife! Oh, Breda, why would you think this was a good idea? And it’s surely just going to give Mercedes even more reason to ignore poor Max and Bobby!

Doreen Watch:

It was nice and unexpected to get a little update on how Doreen’s doing since the death of the legendary DS Thorpe. She’s got herself a nice little job on the switch board at Minnie Cabs and her biscuits are far more tempting than Damon’s knickerbocker glory. 

Characters Featured:

Bobby, Breda, Brody, Brooke, Carmina, Cindy, Cleo, Courtney, Damon, Darren, DS Yates, Goldie, Grace, Jack, James, Jesse, Joel, John Paul, Juliet, Laurie, Liam, Liberty, Marnie, Max, Maxine, Mercedes, Minnie, Misbah, Mitchell, Myra, Nana McQueen, Nancy, Prince, Sally, Sami, Scott, Sienna, Sinead, Sylver, Tony and Yasmine.

Past Characters Mentioned:

Dr Paul Browning, Pete Buchanan, Riley Costello, Adam Donovan, Glenn Donovan, Eva Falco, Maggie Kinsella, Jacqui McQueen, Matthew McQueen, Michaela McQueen, Reenie McQueen, Mac Nightingale, Russ Owen, Joe Roscoe.

[icharchivist]

DGM: It's pretty fascinating how the main 4 relate to Death. For all of them it's both simple yet very complex (honestly I wouldn't have room for maybe even one of them). Kanda protects people as best as he can but when they die he moves on very fast accepting that's part of the world he lives in. The only exception is his 'that person' who he refuses to believe is dead despite the possibility of it being so likely. And then it becomes Alma. Ouch. But again Alma dies and Kanda accepts that-

2 being happy things are made right between them before Alma goes and not letting Alma's burden him. In fact he's pushed forward by the restored bond and honest. Out of gratitude, his way of freeing Allen fro m the 14th is death if it comes to that. Kanda making it his priority in fact to be the one to kill Nea for Allen's sake. Alma got to die as himself. So will Allen. Lenalee is the strangest in some ways. She cares so much about her people she feels a part of her world gets destroyed if one-

3 person dies. She's kind of like Kanda though in that she can also move on really fast. She'll feel sad but not broken. Ex, Everyone thought all of the trapped Order members died during the Invasion when the L4 woke up. After Allen and Lenalee found out they survived, Allen broke down sobbing. Lenalee clapped her hands and smiled. 1 reaction seems bigger then the other. Not to say Lenalee can't be broken. Losing Allen nearly sent her comatose. She'd lose her mind if anything happened to Komui-

4 I think like Kanda, Lenalee has just seen so much death she just has to keep moving on fast like that. She's way more openly emotional about it but that sense of acceptance vs unacceptance is always inside her. I feel like Allen and Komui are the 2 people she cannonly can't accept death from because she relies on them too much (contrast to,her thinking Allen died to thinking Kanda died. Its not that she cares less at all but they both have different roles in her life). Lenalee can accept -

5 death and properly mourn a person she loved. But she is terrified of people she loves dying. Dying is more of a trigger death itself. Also let it be known she's ruthless. The only other Exorcist besides her to kill a Third was Sokaro (who implied he had to jump in and do it because Krory couldn't bare to). She hated to do it. But she did it (I don't think I did her justice but lets move on). Lavi. Wow Lavi he's someone who hates death. Like more then anyone. At least he's among the worst -

6 at coping with it. He spent most of his life watching humans massacre each other causing his hatred of humanity to blossom. Then his first real friend (Dug) died and his body became a akuma, forcing Lavi to kill it. But that only enforced Lavi's detached outlook on life. Ink was Ink. For whatever reason, Allen became the first real death he couldn't walk away from. There was actually a lot of things about it that have impacted Lavi's security. 1) Allen showed good humans like him existed -

7 and died unfairly. Things got darker. 2) for the first time Lavi suffered guilt and helplessness. He could have killed the akuma that made off w/Allen but failed. This was probably a 1st for him that a person he liked died (in his view) because he wasn't good enough. 3) it's pretty much canon every time someone he cares for dies Lavi gets triggered remembering the night Allen died. That night symbolized Lavi's humanity and he hates how much it hurts. Death is such a deep issue for Lavi. -

7 Death of himself is scary. But was prepared to kill 'Lavi' the mask if it interfered w/his goals. He was prepared to die to save Allen and Lenalee and beat Road. Death is natural. But humans killing humans is unsettling. Despite being so logical, being helpless to save his friends can make him illogical. All the pent up rage, hatred, despair and loneliness (and I believe a part of Lavi is very lonely) rush forward to the surface. He can become the most revenge driven and will settle things-

8 with death as the answer for the target if he lost something precious enough. Death is Lavi's worst trigger. It reminds him of how powerless and insignificant his own humanity is, no matter how above it he tries to be. In that way he can contrast Kanda who can find strength from death while Lavi finds only weakness. I thought I was going to yak about Allen. But Allen is Waaaay too much. I couldn't even death the surface w/o running out if room. But yeah their dynamic w/death is interesting.

This is fascinating and thank you so much for putting it into words and into my inbox! 

I think you’re spot on on everyone and i don’t really know what to add, and going onto Allen would be... boy where to even start, the guy’s story had been kickstarted by the death of his father and the guilt he felt toward it and the whole “i cannot mourn or the Earl will find me”.

In a way, I think all of this adding up makes a really neat tie in with the fact the enemy, the Earl, is weaponizing Death to start with. As in, the Noah don’t just spread death, they use people who died and the grief that comes from it in order to further harm people. Perhaps that’s why the two who were raised inside the Order have a better ability to at least handle it and move on?  Because they really have been sent on battlefields when they were children with that very specific mindset and threat of the Earl anytime. 

which makes me think, Lenalee especially reacted badly for Allen’s death for the same reason Lavi did: she felt guilty about it. she told him they needed to save Suman, she left him alone to save the little girl, and when Lavi yells at her about “there’s nothing we could have done” we see both the Lavi scene you mention showing he feels guitly the Akuma took Allen away leading him to his death, and Lenalee’s flashback of her moments with Allen. So it’s possible that the guilt that settled after Suman might haunt her for ever about Allen, especially with how much he gives her strength, while for Kanda for exemple, she grew up with him and they probably had a whole “we can die in battle anytime” mentality growing up that she might not have projected on Allen yet. Basically what i’m saying is that she had her whole life to come to term with the fact Kanda might not come back from a battlefield. But for Allen it was barely a couple of months and the guilt that sank in making it all the more difficult. 

Anyway back to my point, Lenalee and Kanda specifically having grown up in a war where grief was your greatest enemy’s strength, and who have both been child soldiers with a lot of loss to witness everytime (Lavi meets Lenalee while she’s crying over losses of a newest battle for exemple), so they have to find a way to move on and get used to it somehow. Both however refused to give up on their humanity while doing so: I suspect because both were holding onto the war for very personal feelings reason: Kanda to find That Person, and Lenalee so Komui’s sacrifice of joining the Order for her wouldn’t be in vain. 

Thus they have the distachement necessary from growing up in this state, but the emotional attachement needed to not lose completely their sense of humanity- in a way they find a way to ground themselves in the life they have to keep moving on into. It was their way to not let grief find them.

In opposition, even if Allen grew up always knowing of the Earl and after the Mana incident, of Akuma and such, Allen hadn’t grown up in the war. We know Cross rejected the Order’s orders and Allen was more concerned most of the time with the casual nightmare Cross’s life brought up. So Allen’s relationship with grief is one he had to deal with on a personal level (a bit like Kanda regarding Alma, while Kanda did manage to move on more than Allen, there are a lot of things that ties him back to the memories of Alma - it’s just that Kanda could move on by thinking of another alive person while Allen lives on for a memory. The irony is that Kanda’s “alive person” was Alma and now he’s dead, and that Allen lives for a memory of a dead person who is alive and is actually his enemy now. Oops.)

In a way Allen didn’t have to go back into thinking about the casulties of war to such a degree, he didn’t grow up on the battlefield, in a way he was more sheltered than litteral child soldiers who could be sent anywhere anytime. I think it’s interesting too that we’ve seen how Allen’s direct grief after Mana’s death affected him when you can compare to Kanda’s direct grief after Alma’s death for exemple. Allen had the time to freak out, to be a mess, the few flashbacks we have of directly after Mana’s death show that for all the terrible parenting Cross had done he actually gave all the time Allen needed to recover with his freak outs. But with Kanda after having to kill Alma, we don’t have much except that he had to immediatly be on the run with Marie until they could find Tiedoll.And I seriously doubt Kanda would have ever shown the amount of distress Allen had shown afterward - because Kanda was already daily tortured and a product of the war by that point while Allen barely knew about the war at all. 

When Allen the dog dies Allen is frustrated that Mana doesn’t show grief. He considers it abnormal. Which now that I think about it can mirror a lot how Kanda thought it wasn’t normal Alma kept on smiling after all the tortures they endured together and that’s why they fought a lot before realizing how much they just coped differently with the same event. 

... I lost my point wait. 

Anyway yeah so, the thing is, Mana did mention the Earl multiple times before but Allen always thought it was just something weird, and the “I can’t grief or the Earl will find me” thing was something Mana kept repeating but Allen didn’t get until the Earl actually found him. Allen paid the high price from not handling his grief and had since then forced himself to move on as quickly as possible without processing the grief because he’s traumatized by the event. In a way, both Kanda and Lenalee knew enough about the Earl to find another way to process death, and they have seen much more deaths than Allen has during his training with Cross one would assume, so they developped others coping mechanisms where Allen could just focus on the one he inherited from Mana. (and there is also a lot to say about how he is just repeating the same thing Mana used to say - Allen coped by copying Mana in every way after all. Kanda and Lenalee’s rolemodels are unlikely to be the dead person they would have had to kill and grief. Lenalee doesn’t have such a person in her life that we know of and Kanda didn’t take Alma as a rolemodel. So it’s already another aspect of how to relate to death).

Which brings us to Lavi and you’re entierely right about everything, i’m just adding: since Lavi have grown up wars after wars, it was indeed easier for him to deshumanize everyone around him in order to not feel attached. There’s no grief to process when you don’t have the attachement to the people who are dying. Which is already something that opposes the others three who all have clear people they care about so they risk grief, so they have to find a way around it. Lavi tried to protect himself from grief by not caring enough to have any reasons to, which was doomed to fall back against him because he couldn’t just not care for people.

Which now make me think specifically since when did Lavi know about the Earl and the Holy War? After all considering Bookman was on the Noah’s side 40 years ago there’s no way he wouldn’t know that grieving is a major risk in general. Which could add to why the non emotion rule even exist within the Bookmen. I doubt something that huge, that dangerous, wouldn’t be mentioned to a child  who is doomed to see grief after grief. But it feels like they took it by the wrong end. 

I think it’s that, with Lavi being an observer rather than a soldier, it was far easier to distach himself than for Kanda or Lenalee. Kanda and Lenalee by being on the field are always aware of how the rest of the people may be hurt in a mission. It’s more than likely that at some point, when they were young, some finders may have died because they weren’t quick enough, or died protecting them specifically because they can’t afford losing exorcists. It seems a given. So Kanda and Lenalee specifically has to deal with the fact people can die because of/for them. Lavi (and Allen on that regard) doesn’t. Because he’s not supposed to be on the battlefield enough to develop this sort of thing. So Kanda and Lenalee were in situation where the loss of people they couldn’t save were directly on their conscience and they had to find ways to deal with it. Lavi doesn’t have any reasons to have had this sort of dynamic with anyone on the battlefields he had been into.

and it’s not even mentioning that for Kanda and Lenalee, they grew up in the Order so they know the others soldiers to some degree and know why the soldiers sign up/are forced to join. They know the ultimate goal and had grown used to it. 

Lavi meanwhile had seen 49 wars, before the Holy War, he seems he stayed 4 months on each wars’s battlefield. No time to get used to people and to their motivations. so the easier to make it (”humans just like to destroy each other”) the less likely you torture yourself over what those conflicts bring. Which is signifiant that it’s the war he’s been into now for 4 years in canon that is now weighing on him and makes him unable to not face his grief. Except that it’s the very war where giving in to grief isn’t an option.

And I would be really curious about if Lavi grew up with the back on his mind that grief and the Earl was an issue, because therefore just like Allen there would be a deliberate choice tonot let grief get to you, without Lenalee and Kanda’s being forced to see too much grief in order to process it. 

... okay for someone who doesnt know what to add i added a lot kjdhfdkjf

But my point, the reason why i ended up developping that while you’ve been perfectly spot on and i feel like i’m just repeating your points, is specifically how relevent it is that the 4 main characters have very specific ways to deal with Grief and Death, while the main villain is constantly weaponizing both Grief and Death. So there is this whole thing too about the degree of awareness about the Earl, and how much the characters had been subjected to grief in order to find their way to cope with it to keep the Earl at bay. 

And I think it’s really, really fascinating that they all have their very distinct way to deal with it with different reasons each, and it’s arguably very ironic that Lavi, who’s the one who’s the most distached from the war where grieving is your enemy, that is the one who has never learned to grief properly. Evenmore so when you can argue that all the people who almost died near Lavi enough to push him to complete panic were all people who had been specifically aware of all of that, who all dealt with grief to some extend (Lenalee specifically pushed herself to her limits against Eshii because she still grieved Allen for exemple - Allen’s actions are still shadowed by his grief toward Mana - Even Chomesuke dying add to that considering an Akuma is made of said grief.)

The  way Lenalee, Kanda and Allen all deal with grief is super interesting as for what it means to the way they have grown up in the war, and ultimately, the Holy War had been the center of their lives. It never was Lavi’s however, so it is incredible to see how much grief had taken him by surprise and keeps challenging him over and over again, leaving him in complete distress.

The rapport they all have with death is fascinating to me. And it works so so so well with the fact the enemy is specifically using grief as a weapon. It makes such for a strong theme to run through the main characters it’s just. Gahh i’m just repeating myself but i love it.

thank you so much again for the initial ask! this is very spot on on all the characters and it sooo good to read!

[captnbarnesrogers]

When Dodger Begins To Love

Pairing/Characters: Chris Evans x Reader, Dodger the Doggooooooo Warnings: swearing, this is just fluff basically Summary: The times where Dodger became close to you and the time Chris realised he loved you.   Word Count: 2.2k+ A/N: I thought this was a cute idea but I don’t think I delivered it very well! I woke up from sleeping bc I dreamt the ending lmao! Happy 1 Year to this blog and to me reaching 2.5k! Wooooo! Thank you everyoneeeee <3

You’d met many times before and you would consider him a friend, you and Chris. No conversation was ever dry or boring, everything felt so comfortable. Every time you would talk, the exchange would end in laughs. You’d met through mutual friends like Sebastian and events like parties. Of course, every time, you were seeing someone and so was he.

When you had landed the role of a new movie starring yourself and your dear friend, Chris, you were more than psyched to actually get to know him better. While on set, you had learned a lot of what he loved. For example, he loved to play piano (although he believed he was terrible, in which you would always argue with him that he was amazing), his love for the New England Patriots was endless but it would never succeed his love for his dog, Dodger. Dodger, the lover of other dogs and his little stuffed lion, had Chris wrapped around his paw.

Chris finally came around to inviting you to dinner at his house after months and long hours of shooting scenes. As soon as you entered the house, you were jumped by the not so little puppy as Chris had described. You didn’t complain, you just laughed and returned the love to Dodger, accepting the licks on your face.

“Oh, hello there.” You laughed,

“C’mon, little guy, get down!” You patted the dog’s head and he jumped down from you, pouncing around you in excitement,

“He’s a lot bigger than I expected! You described him much smaller.” Dodger trailed behind you as you entered the kitchen and helping Chris with dinner.

It wasn’t too long after when Chris found out you had adopted a dog too. You were moving into your new house, so much closer to your job and you didn’t have to fly out and rent a place every time you had a new show or a new movie in Los Angeles. The weather was better too and your newly added best friend, Missy, a Jack Russell Terrier, loved the heat and the days where she could play in the park. Chris helped you move into your new place, not too far from his own, Dodger by his side and Missy right by yours.

“What made you move from NYC?” Chris asks while grabbing a box from the moving van, he had suggested that you get someone else to do all the moving in for you, but you were the type of person who liked to do things for yourself, so you could have the satisfaction of saying that you did it,

“You know, filming and shit is so much closer and easier to get to, I don’t have to waste money on plane tickets and plus, the weather is great here.”

“Yeah, I get it.” He smiled at you as you both took boxes into the house, “Well, I’m glad you moved out here, so I can see you a lot more.” You nodded and placed those last two boxes on the floor, “You think we can take a break?” You almost zoned out completely when he wiped the sweat from his forehead, making you bite your lip,

“Uh, what?”

“You wanna grab some sandwiches or something?” You shook yourself back into concentration,

“Yeah, yeah, I could really use one.” You both walk out into the garden to find Dodger nudging his head into his toy, offering his stuffed lion to your Missy, “Fast friends, aren’t they?”

It was seven long months before you could see Missy again and Chris too. Filiming had taken over your life and you had no time to talk to your friends and family or even post on social media. You were extremely tired. So, when you arrived home after those seven months, you crawled into bed and didn’t leave its warmth for another two days, snuggled up with your trusty Missy. Unbeknownst to you, you were beginning to get sick, only noticing when the worst had come; a blocked yet runny nose, a chest infection, and a pounding headache. You groaned as you heard the knocks at the door cursing at whoever was disturbing you. Nevertheless, you fixed your hair and tied your robe over your pyjamas and opened the door. On your doormat stood the six-foot-something, broad shouldered Chris. You whinged at the sight of the sun.

“Didn’t you get my texts? You look sick.” Chris says, concern surround the tone of his voice,

“I, uh, didn’t charge my phone when I got home.”

“Y/N… That was three days ago, you haven’t gotten out of bed since?” You shook your head and motioned him into your house, Dodger following behind him,

“I had a shower last night but that’s it.” You plopped yourself onto the sofa and sighed, “My nose and my head are killing me, everything is killing me.” Dodger whines and places his head on your knee, looking at you with worried eyes,

“He can feel you’re unwell, he’s worried.”

“I’m alright, boy, I’ll be okay.” You said with awe, stroking the fur on his head. As you bring your focus on Dodger, Chris is carrying Missy and scratching her ear while looking at you. He smiles while stares at you, not knowing why. He shakes himself back in the room and places Missy next to you,

“Hungry?” You nod. He makes his way to your kitchen and begins the preparation to make you some soup. Moments later, he makes his way over to the sofa where you lay and places the bowl on the table. As he turns his attention to you, he notices the soft snores coming from you, Dodger, who was sprawled on your legs, and Missy, who was resting on your chest, your arms cradling her. He laughs and strokes your hair back from your face, your eyes flickering open at the sight of his face, “Good morning, sleepy head.”

“Hi.”

“I made you something to eat.” You pat Dodger on the head and sit up, he hands you the bowl and you thank him. He turns on the TV, sitting beside you with Dodger snuggled on your side and Missy snoring on Chris’ lap. You both hadn’t paid attention to the TV, busily chatting about work and how much you both miss your family. It wasn’t long until silence covered your mouths, quiet snores filled the room, the sound of infomercials drowning out in the background; both of you unknowingly snuggled together on the chaise of the sofa, your head resting on Chris’ chest and his chin resting on your head.

You both woke up in the morning as if sleeping snuggled against each other was a reoccurring thing for you to do. He smiled at you, a groggy ‘good morning’ coming from his lips. Suddenly, he sneezes,

“Shit, I’m sorry!” You laugh.

Dodger and Missy circled you and Chris as you both sat on the sand, waiting for the sun to set. Chris had just told you that after the night you had spent together a few months before, Dodger began to get whiney when you weren’t around, that he really loved you, probably more than Chris himself.

“So, Y/N, what are you doing next week?” Chris asked, his hand digging into the sand,

“Nothing, why?”

“It’s my birthday on Tuesday and I’m going home to celebrate with my family, do you wanna, you know, come?” Your family affairs weren’t exactly your cup of tea. The constant nagging to get married and have kids as if you were made for that sole purpose only, made you groan in frustration, as you were, as you yourself fully knew, were so much more than that. But if you were invited to someone else’s family affair, especially a birthday, it wouldn’t be so bad. You nodded and thanked him. Suddenly, you felt a head of hair nudge your arm and lift its head with a stick in its mouth. You stroked Dodger’s fur and laughed,

“Yes, of course, I’ll play with you.”

Tuesday came around like a race car. You were packed and dressed, ready to be picked up and taken to Massachusetts. Knocks were heard coming from your front door. You took a little jog from your room to the door, opening it to Chris embracing you.

“Happy Birthday, handsome!” You cheered, reaching around to hug him back,

“Thank you.”

“Let’s go?” You called out to your friend who came running in with Dodger and Missy, “Behave, you two.” You joked to the two pups before thanking your friend for dog sitting,

“They’re tied to the tails.” Chris laughed, making you agree.

After the flight from LA to Boston, you were greeted at the gate by Chris’ mom and one of his sisters. He gave them a hug and introduced you, his hand placed lightly on the small of your back, gently nudging you in a supportive manner.

“This is my friend, Y/N Y//L/N.” He says, smiling,

“Ah, finally, we’ve seen you in the movie and Christopher, here, is always talking about how amazing you are,” His mom explains, “I’m Lisa.” She gave you a hug,

“I’m Carly.” Carly’s hug following right after. In that moment you knew where Chris got his embracive side, making you smile. You and Chris walk to the car, your bags slung over your shoulders and Chris’ hand still on the small of your back,

“You talked about me?” You asked quietly,

“Was I n-not-”

“No, no, it’s cool, it’s cute.” Your cheeks flushed crimson and you smiled up at him, the space closing between the both of you but was interrupted by the sound of Carly’s voice telling you that the trunk of the car was open for your bags, making you walk away from an almost eventful moment. You had a wonderful time chatting with Carly and Lisa in the car on the way back to their house, laughter and gasps of baby stories of Chris filled the vehicle. You complimented the house and thanked Lisa for letting you stay with her family. Chris went up to his room and Carly showed you your bedroom, thanking her straight after,

“Everyone should be arriving soon, just a warning, we’re all really loud.” You laughed and shook your head,

“I love loud.”

“Then you’ll fit right in.” And Carly was just right, the entire night you were a perfect fit with Chris’ family and friends. Everyone loved you and spent the night surrounding you, telling you stories about Chris in his younger years.

Chris couldn’t stop staring at you and how beautiful you looked, how you easily got along with every single person in the room. He was amazed, in awe at how you captured everyone without even trying. He looks at you longingly, not being able to help it at this point. Everyone was truly in awe of you. God, even his dog loved you. By the end of the night, everyone and their mothers had told Chris how lucky he was to have you and what a keeper you were. He knew that in himself. He knew because he was in love with you.

He couldn’t sleep that night and neither could you. The rain was pouring cats and dogs and the thunder crashed boomingly, startling you every time it made an appearance. Suddenly, your phone vibrates indicating you had a text.

With that, you hear a knock on the door of the bedroom. You push the covers off of you and open it. Chris stands in his white shirt and shorts and you in your old college shirt, a couple of sizes too big for you, and some sleeping shorts. He takes your hand and leads you to the Queen-sized bed. You snuggle close to him as he rubs your back, his chin resting on your head.

“Thank you.” You whispered, gripping his shirt as another crash of thunder came,

“It’s okay.” You feel warm and safe in his arms,

“Your heart,” you begin, “it’s beating really fast.”

“Sorry.”

“No,” you laugh, “I don’t mind, it’s helping me focus, actually.”

“Oh?”

“That sounded less creepy in my head.” You both burst into laughter but quiet yourselves as quickly as you started, “You have a lovely family.” You look up at him,

“Thank you, they all love you, seriously, I’ll never hear the end of it if I let you go.”

“Then don’t.” Silence fills the room. As he holds you, he feels you relax even more,

“Y/N?” He whispers,

“Yeah?” He looks at the way the moonlight shines on your face perfectly,

“I really want to kiss you.”

“Okay.” His hand then cups your cheek and pulls you close, closing the already small gap between the both of you, crashing his lips onto yours. As your mouths move against each other, your hand moves to grip the hand on your cheek, his kiss deepening. When you both get the chance to pull away, something you didn’t really want to do, you were breathless,

“I’ve been wanting to do that since you got sick.”

“Ew, what?” You laughed,

“Oh, god, no, I meant the day you got sick, I saw how you were with Dodger and I just- I saw how we could be together and I just loved you.” Your eyes grow wide,

“Woah.”

“Shit, no, wait, I-”

“I love you too.” He stops his rambling and pecks your lips,

“Thank, God.” Before you knew it, the birds had began chirping and the sunrise was peeking in through the window, you both looked at each other, “Let’s sleep now?” You laughed and nodded,

“Okay.”

MASTERLIST

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @winchester-negan-one-shots @stevette60 @marvelous-fvcks @marvel-fanfiction @potterhead1265 @zoejohnson8 @frickin-bats @iamwarrenspeace @kenmen02 @captianwintersoldier @noelia8villa @bucky-bear-barnes @hollycornish @capsheadquaters @duncedgoofball @abouttimefortea@buchananbarnestrash @minervaem @barnes-heaven @buckyywiththegoodhair @mellifluous-melodramas @heartmade-writingbucky @hellomissmabel @justanotherbuckydevotee @alphaabucky @firebendergirl33 @naenae87 @sunnyfortomorrow @aya-fay @terraling @topthis808@savebxrnes @lediskogirl @mizzzpink @janellexox0 @potterhead1265 @lara-ludbey @bread-poet-society

STEVE ROGERS/CHRIS EVANS TAGS: @always-an-evans-addict @kennadance14

[arplis]

Arplis - News: “Hang on to your hat, toots.” — my life, the last few weeks

(Starting with this update.) We’ve officially transitioned mini to school and she loves it. We were pleasantly surprised at how smoothly it all went. The only hiccup so far has been figuring out pick up in the afternoon. For the first few days, I dropped her off and picked her up alone because she had such odd hours (i.e., one hour from 10:05-11:05 one day, then two hours from 9:30 to 11:30 the next day, etc.) and it would have been impossible for Mr. Magpie to handle either end given his work schedule. I would usually just post up in a nearby coffee shop and get some work done, but it was a pretty disruptive week, especially coordinating breastfeeding around it. Then we transitioned to more of the expected routine: Mr. Magpie drops her off in the mornings on his way to work. I had intended to have our nanny pick her up in the afternoons so I could stay home with micro for breastfeeding purposes, and so after I felt we had the morning routine down pat, I decided to bring our nanny with me to pick mini up so I could show her the ropes and pass the baton. When mini saw our nanny first (before seeing me), she dissolved into tears. I had given her a heads up that our nanny would be there, too, but I think she was upset that I wasn’t the first face she saw (the best part of my day has been seeing her beaming face when I arrive at the door — “there’s my mama!” she shrieks). The school had warned us about this, noting that kids can be very thrown off by disruptions to routine, and encouraging us to stay consistent with who drops off and who picks up. Now I know why. Mini was apoplectic and close to impossible to maneuver home (i.e., refusing stroller, refusing to walk, laying down on the subway floor — oh.my.GOD). After that incident, I chatted with her teacher and we decided that I should continue to handle pick-ups for the next few weeks before introducing our nanny into the mix — just too much change for that little one. Besides, I hadn’t anticipated it, but our little pocket of thirty minutes on our way home is nearly always the highlight of my day. I love hearing about her day, smothering her with kisses, holding her little willing hand as we walk towards the subway stop. And so this whole transition to school has been relatively smooth all things considered but still quite a change for everyone. Routines in the morning are planned down to a millisecond and I’m busy getting that little one fed, toileted, dressed, brushed, and out the door by 8 a.m. Gone are the leisurely mornings nursing micro in bed! And then — oh! The apartment is deafeningly silent in mini’s absence. She is a whirling dervish at home, flitting from activity to activity in constant chatter and singsong. I have found myself straining to hear her on multiple occasions, my heart in my throat. Changes all — most of them welcome, some of them…skeptically accepted. Meanwhile, the apartment hunt continued. We saw at least fifteen units all up and down the West side of Manhattan, a few spots on the UES, and one in DUMBO. It was exhausting, in large part owing to the underhandedness of the broker situation. There are so many misrepresentations in listings — “3 bedrooms!” is often “2 bedrooms but you can split the second to make a third with a partition” or “2 bedrooms plus a closet with a questionable window that could be a nursery” or “2 bedrooms plus a dangerous loft where no child should ever sleep.” And then there are things like “washer and dryer in unit!” — only you arrive and find you will be responsible for purchasing the washer/dryer, though there is a hook-up available. And “available immediately!” only you arrive with your baby in a carrier and your toddler wrangling out of your grip and find yourself in a construction zone, sawdust coating our lungs and electric saws buzzing inches from our faces (i.e., decidedly not available immediately). There’s this shadiness, and then there’s the fact that the NY rental market moves at the speed of light — aka a frenetic pace ill-suited towards families with small children and lots of moving parts. New places are listed daily and are often gone within a day or two, and you are meant to move in within a week — and if you aren’t planning to move in immediately, you’ll probably be passed up as an applicant for the unit because brokers don’t want to sit on a vacant unit. They’ll just wait another day or two for someone willing to move in sooner. I mean, can you imagine?! It’s too much pressure! How can you expect a family to find a place and move within a week?! At any rate, after seeing fifteen places, we put in an application on a unit with about a month left on our current lease and were passed up because the landlord’s broker pulled a weird stunt on us, using our application offer (rent is almost always negotiable in NY) to go back to another applicant that had been interested in the apartment to get them to counter with an earlier lease start date and a slightly higher rent offer. The brokers hadn’t made this information known to us, of course (we would have happily matched the offer), and had instead more or less counseled us to submit the offer we did (“I’ll encourage the landlord to accept it,” stated the broker — grrr) to push the other couple to sign immediately. And so we suddenly found ourselves back at square one, with no apartment lined up and the clock ticking. When we heard the news, it took every ounce of my personal resolve to avoid bursting into tears. I had loved the unit, but more than that — I had loved the idea of being done with the search and able to move forward with next steps. The night we found out, I woke up at 3 a.m. shivering uncontrollably — my teeth were actually chattering! — and aching all over. A few hours later, I woke up and had sweated through my clothes. It went on like this — sweats, chills, achiness, splitting headache — for several days. I eventually went to see the doctor who confirmed I had picked up some kind of virus but I’m convinced that my shock and stress level at discovering we had no apartment with less than four weeks to go had triggered it, or left me in such a state of weakness that any old virus could have shut me down. I somehow managed to muscle through last week, sick as a dog, visiting a new battery of listings all over the place. We also had a bizarrely busy social schedule (we’re normally homebodies), with two receptions and a cocktail hour we hosted — and then there was mini’s meltdown owing to the nanny’s pick up at school right smack dab in the middle. During that epic tantrum, I’d had to carry mini by her arms up the subway stairs while I also had micro strapped to me in the carrier. She had turned into a jellyfish and would.not.climb.the.stairs and also would.not.let.the.nanny.come.near.her. I had no choice, after attempting to reason with her and cajole her for about five minutes while no-nonsense, in-a-rush New Yorkers trampled us at the foot of the steps, but to pick her up by her arms and carry her up the steps in front of me, like a noodle. That debacle led me to pull a muscle in my abdomen which in turn made breathing hurt for a couple of days — though at the time, I wasn’t sure if the pain in my side was related to the virus or something more serious, and so the doctor ran a gamut of tests, had me x-rayed, etc. (It all turned out clear — just a strained muscle from trying to carry forty-five pounds of children up the stairs in the most awkward maneuver known to womankind. Go figure.) Somewhere along the way, micro picked up whatever virus I had and suddenly my world was literally collapsing on itself. There were a few nights where I was up with poor micro every hour of the night. It got so bad that I had to ask Mr. Magpie to split shifts with me, but even then it was impossible to sneak in a stretch of sleep because we are all about two feet from one another. The baby was running a fever and battling an upset stomach and so we were covered in baby vomit, shivering/sweating together, and mind-numbingly exhausted. And did I mention that while I believe I hold or can reach a sense of perspective in most parenting-related matters, when it comes to ill children, I lose my bearings?! I worry myself sick, wondering if I’m overlooking a symptom and what I believe to be a run-of-the-mill cold is actually something more nefarious. I clutch them in my arms and cry over them. It is physically painful for me to see my babies unwell. Then, on Friday, I woke with the worst migraine I have ever had in my life. I could not see straight. I could barely walk. Turning my head to the left or right was shockingly painful. I was so sensitive to light that I had to stay in my bedroom with the blinds drawn. I could not rally myself to put on clothes and pick up mini from school — I had to call Mr. Magpie and ask him to leave work early to get her. On top of it all, micro was scheduled to be Baptized two days later and I had my parents coming into town, with fabulous dinner plans to boot. I was defeated. That was the lowpoint. The lowpoint of this year (fingers crossed), and in fact the last two years — since the last botched and stressful move, come to think of it. But as quickly as everything had spiraled out of control, it all came back into focus. We found another — better! — apartment, this one a “classic prewar six” in Manhattan terms. (A classic prewar six refers to an apartment configuration with six rooms — three bedrooms (one smaller, typically referred to as a “maid’s room,” perfect for a nursery), living room, kitchen, formal dining room — in a building constructed before WWII, and therefore likely to be rife with traditional charm. You won’t find open concept floor plans with a classic 6, which Mr. Magpie and I rather like. These buildings also tend to be very well-constructed — i.e., “they just don’t make them like that anymore.”) When we went uptown to sign the lease, the broker walked us through the unit and something inside me relaxed. I could instantly see the wonderful life we would have there, with much more space, a dedicated nursery for micro, a larger kitchen, and a bedroom for mini that is large enough to accommodate all of her toys, her activity table, her dollhouse, and all the other bulky items that currently reside in our living area. I’m sure her toys will still find their way into our living room, but no longer will it be their primary home, praise God. A friend of mine recently said that “a cluttered house is a cluttered mind,” and I think this, too, is why this stretch of the last few weeks has been so overwhelming. We are busting out of this apartment as micro grows and has new needs and more clothing and bigger diapers and all that jazz. Micro and I both overcame our ailments (for the most part) around the same time and managed to enjoy his Baptism feeling more like ourselves. (I wore the dress mentioned here.) We had a beautiful morning with friends and family, enjoying brunch after his Christening smooshed in like sardines around a small table at Cafe Luxembourg, whose boisterous environment matched the general ebullience of the moment. I looked around the table at one point and thought how lucky I am, and how insignificant all my travails of the previous week were in the grand scheme. I mean, let me be real: everything is horrible when you feel sick, and everything is doubly horrible when you feel sick and are caring for an ill infant while going on four months of sleeplessness. And moving is stressful, full-stop. But there we were, closer to the other side, with the happiest occasion in front of me. A happy and newly healthy baby, welcomed into the Church, the presence of my loved ones, the promise of a new, more spacious beginning on the Upper West Side. And on we go… What’s happening with you? Post Scripts. +What are your most memorable golden moments/golden hours? Brunch after micro’s Baptism is up there. +OK, mini would die and go to heaven with this. +A perfect Christmas dress for a little lady. +Expect some more home decor related posts soon, as we need to purchase a number of pieces of furniture. I am already eyeing a couple of rugs, and Horchow has such a great selection (on sale) — love this for mini’s room, or maybe this. Although I’ve been chastened — probably not good to have a light colored rug in a toddler’s room. May need to explore darker/more patterned styles. +I love this oversized houndstooth scarf. +So excited we’re closing in on sweater weather. +Likely my next headband acquisition. +I like this slim hamper for micro’s nursery… +I’m a copycat. +I ordered one of these tags for mini’s stroller, which we store at the school during the day since Mr. Magpie drops her off and I pick her up. It’s perfect! I was impressed with the quality and speed of design/shipping. Going to order some more for her bags. A cute add-on to a gift for a little one, too. +I love these for keeping my phone free of fingerprints. +A good dupe for those Paris Texas snakeskin boots that are all over the place. +A fun tee. +A great dish to display fruit/citrus on your counter. The post Lately… appeared first on The Fashion Magpie. #Parenting #NewYork #Musings #NewYorkLife #Parenthood

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/hang-on-to-your-hat-toots-my-life-the-last-few-weeks

[vicariouseyes]

Massive Ask Meme

I was tagged by @grey-skies-full-moon

Rules: Tag 20 people ((That’s so many... I’ll see what I can do.))

Puttin’ this under a Read More because it’s hella long. 

Your last:

1. Drink: A tropical punch-type juice.

2. Phone Call: I had to call my dentist to reschedule an appointment because my car died and I couldn’t get there.

3. Text message: DJ (s/o), I’m pretty sure.

4. Song you listened to: Uh... It might’ve been something from The Last Five Years, which DJ introduced me to. If I’ve listened to anything since then, I don’t remember.

5. Time you cried: Uh... huh. Probably within the last month or two, but I actually don’t remember. That’s a good sign. Gods, it’s nice to be back on my meds again.

Have You:

6. Dated someone twice: No. That is not a thing I do.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nah.

8. Been cheated on: Not that I’m aware of.

9. Lost someone special: Yes.

10. Been depressed: Enough to be medicated for it.

11: Gotten drunk and thrown up: Once.

List 3 Favorite Colors:

12. Teal.

13. Gray.

14: Purple.

In the last year, have you…

15. Made new friends: A couple of acquaintances, but not friends.

16. Fallen out of love: Nope.

17. Laughed until you cried: Oh definitely. That happens all the time.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I mean, friends making references to me and my existence maybe, but not gossip or anything. At least, not that I know of.

19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so...?

20. Found out who your friends are: I mean, I’m well aware of who my friends are.

21. Kissed someone on your FB list: I mean, DJ’s on my facebook list, so yeah, lol.

GENERAL:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: 99% of them. There are two that added me years ago that I just sort of added because fuck it, and we’ve literally never talked, but it’s kind of nice seeing how their lives are doing. I just haven’t had the heart to unfriend them after all this time.

23. Do you have any pets: Not anymore. My parents have a dog, and DJ has a cat, but I don’t have any pets that feel like they’re MY pets, you feel me?

24. Do you want to change your name: I mean... There are two that I would consider for very different reasons, but I’ve gotten so used to my name that switching now would probably be weird.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: DJ and I hung out and got dinner and stuff. My mom also used it as an excuse to have a cookout later in the month, lol.

26. What time did you wake up: I woke up several times last night. If you mean actually stayed awake, probably around 11 or so.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Twitch or sitting on the internet, probably.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: The possibility of moving to Chicago.

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: Last... Monday, I believe.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Financial stability/security.

31. What are you listening to right now: DJ’s mom’s cockatiels chirping. Other than that and the ceiling fan in here, there isn’t really any noise. I WAS listening to a Rooster Teeth Podcast not too long ago while folding laundry, but then I moved to a different room, and haven’t put another one on yet.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Feeling frustrated and lost I guess, but that’s actually started to ease up recently as I’ve been slowly figuring things out. I’ve got a long way to go, but it’s kind of nice.

34. Most visited website: Tumblr, Facebook, Youtube, Twitch. I visit them all pretty equally.

35. Mole/s: Uh... A bunch. Two on my neck, a couple on my chest, several on my arms, maybe one or two on my legs, and one other one.

36. Mark/s: I’ve currently got some scars thanks to Nugget (DJ’s cat), but those’ll probably go away sooner or later, as with any other scars or bruises I’ve ever picked up. The only lasting scar I have is on the bridge of my nose. When I was 5 or so, I tried to feed my uncle’s Very Large Dog, Snowball, a piece of ham. He was very excited about the ham, and I was very small. Wasn’t his fault, and I never blamed him for it. Honestly, I’ve kind of grown to really like that scar. It’s distinctive.

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a horse until I was 5 and found out you couldn’t do that (lmao). I wanted to be a vet after that until I was 11 or 12 and realized I was very squeamish around gore. I wanted to be a zoologist after that all the way up until freshman year of college, after which my goals changed, and are still currently evolving. There was also DEFINITELY a point where I wanted to host my own Animal Planet show, a la Steve Irwin or Jeff Corwin.

38. Hair color: It’s currently a light/medium auburn. I tried dyeing purple over it, but it didn’t stick for very long. Naturally, it’s a medium/dark brown with some red in it.

39. Long or short hair: My hair is actually currently the shortest it’s been since 2008, and it’s still a little below shoulder length. I’m used to having very long hair, but my hair is prone to damage and split ends, and tangles, and is also very thin. Getting half of it chopped off has helped immensely. It looks much healthier.

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: Nah.

41. What do you like about yourself: Hm. I’m kind, thoughtful, generally try to be helpful, tactful, reasonably intelligent, and musically talented.

42. Piercings: None. Not really a fan of them, tbh. I think I’d look good with a monroe or madonna piercing, but it would irritate my gums too much. 

43. Blood type: A negative.

44: Nicknames: Sabs is the only one I get even remotely regularly anymore.

45. Relationship status: Happily taken.

46. Zodiac: Cancer / Horse.

47. Pronouns: She/her, I guess. I probably wouldn’t really care about any of them, tbh.

48. Favorite TV show(s): Hm. Community, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Parks and Rec, maybe The Goldbergs, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls... There’s probably more. I’m not even going to include anime, because that list is way longer.

49. Tattoos: I currently have one on my left wrist. I think I’d like to get full sleeves eventually. I’m still planning out some of the designs. Also, you know, tattoos are expensive.

50. Right or left hand: Right. 

51. Surgery: I’ve had x-rays, ultrasounds, dental work, but never a surgery. I’d like to keep it that way, but something tells me my dentist is going to harp on me about not getting my wisdom teeth removed.

52. Hair dyed a different color: I’ve been dyeing my hair since I was 11. I guarantee there are some people who’ve never seen my natural hair color.

53. Sports: I am Bad At Those.

54. Vacation: I’ve only ever been on a couple in my life (California to visit my aunt when I was 13, St. Louis in high school for the band/choir trip. Chicago every once in a while to visit friends, but I don’t know if I’d call that a vacation, per se). I’d love to go a TON of places.

55. Shoes: I’ve mostly been wearing flip flops lately, flats if I need to be dressy. But that’s because it’s hot and humid right now. Ohio air is like soup. It’s the worst. I prefer boots of all types, and some tennis shoes/sneakers.

56. Eating: I’m about to go make a leftover taco or two. I want to go get something somewhere, but... financial responsibility. *sigh*

57. Drinking: I had some juice earlier. Will probably have more, or water.

58. I’m about to: Go make those tacos I was talking about.

59. Waiting for: Things to finally start moving in the right direction.

60. Want: To win the lottery. It would fix 90% of my problems. Also, to find out what’s wrong with me, but the doctors’ appointments and lab work should solve that.

61. Get married: I’d like to eventually, but I’m in no particular rush. I got engaged once before, and it ended horrifically. I mean, I’ve certainly got high hopes for this one, but I, again, am in no particular rush.

62. Career: I do some freelance editing currently, but it’s not enough to pay the bills. I’d like to get into full-time editing, web development (which I’m currently learning how to do), or, ideally, being a full-time Twitch streamer would really suit me, but I like streaming just because. I would just like to do it more often.

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.

64. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

65. Shorter or taller: Taller, I guess? It really doesn’t matter to me either way.

66. Older or younger: Doesn’t matter, within reason.

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms, maybe. Don’t super care about either.

68. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive, I guess.

69. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. I’d rather not have to deal with cops, if at all possible.

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: Once, that I recall.

72. Drank hard liquor: Yup. I don’t drink as much these days, but it’s still fun from time to time.

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses all the damn time. Accidentally left them at my parents’ house the last time I was over, so I’m gonna have to go get those back soon.

74. Turned someone down: Yeah.

75. Sex on first date: It has happened.

76. Broken someone’s heart: Yeah.

77. Had your heart broken: Yes.

78. Been arrested: No.

79. Cried when someone died: Very much so, even seven years later.

80. Fallen for a friend: I mean, that’s usually the case. I don’t tend to date people if I’m not already friends with them first. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: That answer changes from day to day. It’s better than it used to be.

82. Miracles: Maybe? I’m not entirely sure. I don’t know the exact definition of what constitutes a miracle.

83. Love at first sight: I think people can have Interest at First Sight, or, like, I Think I’m Compatible with This Person Probably at First Sight, but true, actual, lasting love? No. That develops over time and requires work to sustain.

84. Santa Claus: St. Nicholas was absolutely a real person.

85. Kiss on the first date: Again, it has happened.

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: I have several. I know that defeats the purpose of a “best friend,” but I consider most of my close friends family at this point. I suppose I’d have to say DJ, in that case.

87. Eye color: Light grayish-blue. Some days it looks more one color than the other. Depends on what I’m wearing.

88. Favorite movie: Well, the only three movies I’m generally able to watch multiple times (and have) are Scott Pilgrim, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Repo! The Genetic Opera. I’ve also seen all the Harry Potter movies several times. There are a ton of movies I’ve enjoyed, though. I just usually don’t have the attention span to watch them.

tagging: @theifbaby @patillojack @gordona424 @octoberspirit @legendxofxzach Uh...I don’t know if I can think of 15 more. I’ll tag @nwinchester94 too, even though I haven’t heard from her in a long time. :(

[pervincetosscobble]

horizon

TAZ, 2.8k. cw: allusions to major character death.

Julia leaves Raven’s Roost, not because she has to leave but because she knows she can’t stay anymore. (Or: Julia survives. Magnus doesn't.)

[Read on Ao3]

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5.

“Based on your requests,” Hurley says, and tosses the first box over. Julia catches it reflexively and glances up at Hurley, who gestures at her to open it. She can feel Taako and Merle watching her as she lifts the lid of the box.

The mask inside is a lioness’s head, snarling viciously, with cold yellow eyes. Julia pulls it over her head. It’s a snug fit, but it covers her face, and she feels sort of badass in it. She turns to Taako and Merle. “How do I look?”

“Terrifying,” Taako assures her, drumming his fingers on the handle of the Umbrastaff. Merle nods in agreement.

“It’s a good look,” Hurley says. “You look very threatening.”

“Perfect.”She tugs the mask back off and turns it in her hands so it’s facing her. “Thank you.”

She flicks her eyes back up to Hurley, who offers a lopsided smile. “I wouldn’t have picked you for a cat person.”

Julia laughs aloud, trailing her fingers up the side of the lion’s muzzle. “I wasn’t for the longest time,” she says. “I used to want a dog. But times change.”

“Times change,” Hurley agrees, and throws the next box to Taako.

Julia closes her eyes for a second. If she thinks hard enough, she can still remember Magnus’s voice. He wanted a dog so badly, and she kept saying that they could get one as soon as things had settled in Raven’s Roost, as soon as they were sure they were safe. But he’d said the same things, time and again, please, Jules, we’ve got to get a dog, we have to--

They never got a dog.

Julia looks at the mask again. The lion is staring at her, still snarling, like it’s ready to pounce.

They’re going to win this race, she decides. Because she won’t let Hurley lose someone she loves so much.

 2.

She leaves Raven’s Roost in the middle of the night.

It’s not cowardly, she tells herself, over and over. She’s not leaving them to fend for themselves. Nobody knows where Cailen is. Nobody has seen him in weeks, not since--

It’s not cowardly, is the point, even though she feels like a coward. At least she’s not running because of the fight, and at least everyone she’s leaving will understand. She’s had visitor after visitor after visitor, leaving condolences heavy in the air but not heavy enough to stick. The house is too empty now, without anyone there building chairs or forging metal or laughing. She can’t stay there.

So she brings what she can and leaves the rest behind. She brings all the food that she can carry. She brings her sword, strapped to her back, and lets the weight of it keep her grounded. She brings a bracelet, one that’s tight around her wrist but that she’s had since she was twelve years old. She brings a wedding ring.

Julia leaves Raven’s Roost, not because she has to leave but because she knows she can’t stay anymore. She leaves in the middle of the night and forces herself not to turn back until she’s miles away. She turns, and she can’t see the outline of the town anymore, and it’s only then that she cries.

 3.

Work is hard to find, is the thing. It’s not impossible - plenty of people are looking for sellswords, and Julia isn’t above leveraging her folk hero status if it means being able to eat. People have heard about Raven’s Roost by now, about the couple that led the rebellion, about the widow. But she avoids using those stories when she can. She doesn’t need that pity.

Instead she works odd jobs, mostly as a bodyguard, and makes a reputation that way. Burnsides the bodyguard. Burnsides the protector. That’s the way it should be. She takes the jobs when they come to her, and then, one day:

“It says it’s the last job we’ll ever need to take.” Merle smooths the flyer out on the table and scoffs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means after this I never have to work a day in my life again,” Taako says. “And I like that.”

“Me too,” Merle says. “But we can’t do it on our own.”

They turn to Julia then, in eerie, perfect unison. Neither of them say anything.

She doesn’t know either of them terribly well - Taako has a reputation from his show, and Merle has tried to hand her more Pan pamphlets than she can count - but she knows they won’t last long in a fight. They seem scrappy, sure, like they’d be fine in most cases, but Julia has been adventuring long enough to know that sometimes “you’ll never work again” means “you’ll die on this job.” And she likes Merle and Taako too much to let that happen.

“I’m in,” she decides.

Taako claps his hands together. “This is going to be great.”

 4.

The moon is less peaceful than Julia expected.

Or, no, that’s not fair to say. The moon itself is fine, but the Bureau isn’t particularly peaceful. At any given moment either something is on fire or Taako is planning something that’ll end with a fire, or Merle is arguing with someone. Most days Julia is there with them. Most days she’ll either help pick targets for Taako’s pranks or gang up with Merle to heckle someone, or even lead her own prank assault against the employees of the bureau.

But she makes an exception for today. Today is… something else.

It takes a lot of walking to find somewhere quiet, but she finds something that looks like it would’ve been a garden, with a little more love. There are terra cotta planters and stone benches, and she settles onto one bench, clutching her wedding ring in one hand.

Julia closes her eyes and tips her head back. Magnus would’ve liked it up here. Or maybe he’d only like it if she were there with him. Gods know she’d be happier if he were here to celebrate his own birthday, instead of leaving her alone. She’d been considering going back to Raven’s Roost for the first time in years, to see if anyone would celebrate her, but that’s not really an option anymore. She doesn’t have anyone to celebrate with.

She gives herself a full minute to mourn before she says, softly, “I know you followed me.”

“You’re more interesting than anyone else here,” Merle mutters. He plops down on the bench next to her and waits. She can feel his eyes on her, so after a few seconds she sighs and uncurls her fingers.

Merle leans in to inspect the ring. “Yours?”

“Yeah.” Julia sighs. “He would’ve been thirty-three today.”

“How old was he?”

“Not even thirty.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Julia opens her eyes. Her throat is thick. She’s just glad that he didn’t say he was sorry.

Merle is quiet for all of three seconds, and Julia can appreciate the peace. And then, for some godsdamned reason, he grabs a lock of Julia’s hair and tugs it. Hard.

Julia yelps and slaps his hand away. “Watch it, old man!”

“Your hair is almost as bad as Taako’s,” Merle announces.

“That’s bullshit, nobody’s hair is as bad as Taako’s. He doesn’t know what a brush is.”

“And when’s the last time you brushed your hair?”

Julia pauses. “It was definitely this month.”

Merle makes a disgusted noise. “This month, Pan’s sake, neither of you know how to take care of yourselves.”

“I’ve been on the road for a while!”

“Yeah, and you’re a mess.”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

Julia has exactly two seconds to realize that this might be something she shouldn’t challenge Merle on - as earthy as he is, he’s always well-groomed, and he re-braids his beard every morning - before he jumps to his feet. “That’s it, I’m cutting your hair.”

“You’re what?”

“Yours and Taako’s both, come on.”

“Merle, this is ridiculous, I don’t need a haircut.”

Merle glares at her. “How’re you going to stop me?”

“Uh, I have a sword.”

“And I have spells.”

Julia raises her best skeptical eyebrow.

Merle crosses his arms. “And a warhammer.”

“I’m not letting you anywhere near my hair without a damn good reason.”

“If you let me cut your hair then I’ll let you help me cut Taako’s.”

“Deal,” Julia says instantly, because Taako’s hair is a rat’s nest, and that’s a sacrifice worth making. “Wait, can you cut hair?”

“I have cut hair before.”

“That’s not a yes.”

Merle waves her off. “Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.”

Julia thinks about it for a second. It’s been a few long years since she had someone who would cut her hair for her just because they cared. And the worst thing that could happen is she has to wear hats for a few months. Not a real problem.

She slips her wedding ring back onto her finger. Merle motions at her expectantly, and she gets to her feet. “I’m trusting you on this.”

“Big mistake,” Merle snorts, but he still looks pleased.

 6.

“Kravitz,” Julia says, before she can stop herself.

Kravitz turns to look back at her, looking confused, but Julia doesn’t let herself waver. This is her chance. Maybe her only chance.

Her voice breaks, but she says, “Tell Dad I miss him. And tell Mags I love him.”

“Mags could be short for a lot of things, you know, and there are a lot of dads,” Kravitz starts, but something on Julia’s face must show that she’s not in the mood for any jokes, because he drops it immediately. “I know who you mean. I’ll tell them.”

“Thank you,” Julia says quietly. She knows Taako and Merle are staring, but she can’t bring herself to care. “Thank you.”

Kravitz steps through a rift in dimensional space and vanishes. The world shimmers and reforms behind him. Julia’s husband is somewhere on the other side of that gap. His soul is still intact. That’s the best news she’s gotten all day.

 1.

The courier arrives three days after Magnus leaves for Neverwinter. He’s going for a carpentry competition, with a couple of friends and with Julia’s father. She doesn’t think anything of it. They should be safe. Everything should be safe.

Julia opens the door and sees someone she doesn’t recognize, stony-faced and watery-eyed, holding his hat in his hands. “How can I help you?”

“Julia Burnsides?”

“That’s me.”

The courier takes a deep breath, shoulders trembling. “Governor Cailen,” he starts, and Julia knows instantly.

She grabs the doorframe, digging her fingers into the wood. “My father,” she says, but her voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. “My husband?”

The courier shakes his head. Julia falls to her knees.

 7.

Magnus looks up as past-Julia comes into his workshop. His face lights up as soon as he sees her, radiating warmth, love, life, and Julia crumples to the floor.

She remembers every second of the day, but she makes a point not to think about it. She can’t stand to watch it happen in front of her. She doesn’t want to see a version of herself that’s younger, less scarred, not yet a widow. But she can hear her own voice laughing, and Magnus’s, and then her father’s, and she’s sobbing before she can help herself.

It’s funny, almost, all the details that she forgot. Magnus has a mole on his chin, barely darker than the rest of his skin. Her father’s hands are more wrinkled than she remembered. She wants to reach out to them, to say hello. To say goodbye.

“Why,” she says, when she catches her breath enough to look up. The scene is paused now. Magnus is inches away from kissing past-Julia. Both of them are smiling, caught up in each other’s presence. Dad is behind Magnus, smiling broadly, looking proud. None of them know that Cailen is riding out from Neverwinter, ready to take revenge upon the man who took Raven’s Roost from him. None of them know that this is the last time they’ll all be together.

“You feel guilty,” June says. Julia would turn to face her, but she can’t look away. “You feel like it’s your fault.”

“Magnus led the rebellion, but I planned it.” Julia takes a deep, shuddering breath. “We did it together. It shouldn’t have been him. It certainly shouldn’t have been both of them.”

“You left for revenge.”

“I left because I couldn’t live in a house where all three of us should’ve been living together.”

“But you looked for Cailen.”

Julia laughs, briefly, mirthlessly. “Of course I looked for Cailen. He killed my family. I lost friends in the rebellion. I’d rip his fucking guts out if I ever saw him again.”

“What if you didn’t have to?”

Both of Magnus’s hands are tangled in past-Julia’s hair, pushing it back from her face. From this angle she can see the way she used to smile at him. She can see the person she used to be: not innocent, certainly, but not prepared for what she’s about to lose.

“Julia,” June says softly, “what if you could save them?”

 8.

Two days later, as the morning-hazy light makes its way into the reclaimers’ official blanket fort, Julia says, “What did it offer you guys?”

“My arm.” Merle scoffs. “Like I don’t already have two of those.”

“The tree arm is cooler anyways,” Julia agrees.

“I’m glad you think so, because it’s your fault-”

“It’s not my fault, you were going to lose it no matter what!”

“Merle, you’re still pretty even with the wood arm,” Taako says blandly.

Merle pokes his head out from underneath a stack of pillows to scowl at Taako. “I don’t need your shit, you know that?”

“But I’m here anyways, so I might as well give you shit.”

Merle harrumphs at him. “Fine, wise guy, what did the chalice offer you?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Taako says. “What happened wasn’t my fault.”

“Yeah, but…” Julia pauses. They don’t do serious talks, the three of them, and this is the kind of question that she can’t un-ask, but she wants to know. “What wasn’t your fault?”

Taako waves a hand lazily in the air. “There was a whole thing with poison and people dying. I thought it was because of me, but it turns out it wasn’t.”

“Shit,” Julia says softly. As cavalier as he’s being, she can see how calculated the hand-wave is. Like he’s trying to act perfectly fine. This matters. “Someone else poisoned people?”

“Fuck that guy,” Merle says. “I’ll kick his ass.”

Taako snorts. “You could try. He’d eat you alive.”

“And Merle would give him indigestion,” Julia finishes.

“Yeah,” Merle agrees proudly.

“That’s sweet,” Taako says sardonically. “What about you, Jules, what horrors did you have to relive?”

Julia hesitates, but only for a second. “I saw my father. And my husband.”

The air changes in an instant. Merle and Taako don’t know anything about Magnus and her father as people, or about the rebellion, but they still know her loss. They know this is serious.

“The chalice told me I could save them,” Julia says. “I used to think I’d give anything for that chance, but…”

“But you wouldn’t give everything,” Taako finishes, a grim shade of understanding in his voice.

Julia nods silently. Magnus might be the love of her life, and her dad might be her hero, but neither of them would be happy if she unwound an entire reality to see them again.

“Shit,” Merle mutters. “Fuck that cup.”

“Fuck that cup!” Taako sits upright suddenly, and Julia turns to look at him. “We’ve made- listen, we’ve made a lot of mistakes.”

“This isn’t a good pep talk,” Julia says dryly, to cover up the tears welling in her eyes.

Taako waves her off. “But we already made those mistakes, and we don’t get to just… un-make them. Who is that cup to try and decide what we should do? We’re here, that’s what matters.”

Merle shoots Taako a bemused look. “I think that’s the most emotionally in-touch thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Taako says without heat, and flops back down onto the floor. “I’m just saying, as much stuff as we regret, the stuff after it was okay.”

“Yeah,” Julia says quietly. There are things she would do to get Magnus back, but she wouldn’t rip a world apart for him. She wouldn’t give up her two best friends for him. Magnus would understand. “You guys are okay.”