#but even if you dont you should be able to acknowledge... that if u make her the bad guy??? w. what did you take away from the show??

[arsenicflame]

i Do Not Trust people who make Mary the bad guy in their stories when the show went out of its way to specifically show us how she was suffering just as much as stede was in their marriage and that shes, yknow, a good person

[townslore]

if you're comfortable, i would love to know more about the akechi npd headcanon. i think it's a rlly interesting take on his character and i wanna learn more abt npd bc i have bpd and ig im interested in what people experience with the other cluster b personality disorders? i just kinda wanna know why you think he has it and also maybe some of the mental stuff he has to experience with it. doesn't have to be detailed or personal i dont wanna make u uncomfy! i just cant stop thinking abt this hc haha :)

im actually on a mental health break right now, but this ask intrigued me so im answering it anyway. first off thank you for staying kind throughout the whole thing :)

its kind of hard for me to really describe why i think a character has/is something, because things like personality disorders are still a wide spectrum and every person experiences things differently, and i dont wanna make it seem like theres a one-way to have npd, but im gonna try anyway!

there is a site which helped me immensely throughout my self-diagnosis, so if you want to read more about the topic than what im gonna say here, here u go:

lets start simple and the thing that makes it most obvious to me: the engine room dialogue.

people with npd can heavily rely on other people for their self-esteem, because narcissists usually have a very low one. thats why they take on many tasks ("i was extremely particular about my life, my grades, my public image—so someone would want me around!") and might overwork themselves for more praise and acknowledgement ("you wanted to be acknowledged, didn't you? to be loved?") because its what they need to not constantly crash. a crash is something that happens when you dont get enough supply—which can be words of affection, praise, acknowledgement, etc—and you internalize it, doubt yourself, feel disgusting and generally you get to a really low point. this is just speculation, but i can see goro having a ton of those, especially during the time the phantom thieves get popular and he becomes public enemy nr 1. thats also why i drew him thinking "i really need supply rn but i'd rather die than ask for attention" because vulnerability is also a big thing people with npd can struggle with. we dont want to be seen as weak—our narcissism is essentially a shield, so we're seen as tough, when in reality, our egos can be very fragile.

one thing that the engine room makes very clear and also other interactions goro has with akira, is that hes very envious of others who have had it better than him. especially someone like akira, who was thrown away by society just like he was, was able to move past it, found friends and is acknowledged by many people. goro is jealous of it all, and thats the thing; people with npd can feel like they're supposed to be special ( and to me, with goro explaining how he got his personas, and how he often calls others stupid, its clear that he does feel that way about himself to a certain degree ) and anyone who threatens that status, anyone who seems much more special than we are is seen as a legitimate threat. its an ugly feeling and it can make us hate even those we love for some time.

this attributes to dysregulation of our emotions too. people with npd often feel their emotions, especially negative ones, way more intense than they actually should be and have difficulty calming down due to that. negative emotions often linger for a long period of time and its hard to move on so we hold grudges. now this might come to no surprise to anyone that goro is a very angry and sad person. especially in the engine room its clear that even after the others extend their hands out to him, its difficult for him to comprehend and he still acts rather mean and calls them idiots for trying to "save" him. when someone with npd is experiencing a multitude of negative emotions, it may cause them to avoid other people or act aggressive towards them because they feel trapped. theres many explanations as to why goro is the way he is in the 3rd semester, and i dont think only one of them has to be correct, but i do think that with the knowledge of whats happening ( like: being under the control of someone else again, or having to work with people who are unpredictable and who have seen you at your lowest point ) makes him act out to keep all of them, especially akira, at bay.

in the duel against akira—im sorry i cant really quote it, i just have a general idea of it in my head rn—i read what he says in a way that makes it clear that he struggles with a superiority AND inferiority complex, which sounds stupid at first i know, but its fairly easy to explain. like i already said, a narcissist's self-esteem is usually pretty low and we rely on others to know how to feel about ourselves. theres two traits of npd that are necessary traits to have: being self-centered and feeling entitled to good treatment, and seeking admiration from others/liking to be the center of attention. so there is some kind of superiority complex going on, at least thats what i would call it in goro's ( and my ) case. we can feel on top of the world in one moment, but once we have a crash or experience intense negative emotions, its back to being the worst human being on earth. i dont think its ooc to say that goro hates himself, as some like to claim he only ever thinks hes better than everyone else. i think that just attributes to harmful stigma. with everything goro experiences in life, coping with narcissism to hide a fragile sense of being just makes sense to me.

theres more i could probably add here but this thing is long enough as is. please do keep in mind that many of my headcanons for goro are me projecting—but that doesnt mean theres no basis for it in canon as well, as i've tried to explain here. at first i actually thought he could have bpd, but i dont know enough about it to really judge that—so it could still very well be that, or both, i dont really know how it works! im rather new to this as well, and at first i was scared of doing any research because npd is so heavily stigmatized. i wish there were more people like you, anon.

if you have any more questions feel free to ask them :)

[tatakaetime07]

Hey! Could you please do an Eddie Munson X reader where Jason tries to hit on the reader and ask her on a date. She doesn’t want to and keeps saying that she has a boyfriend (Eddie) but he says “he’s not here now.” Maybe he gets annoyed and grabs your wrist or something but Eddie turns up and protects you from him. I love your writing sm btw!!! <3

༘✶｡˚ ੈ♡my girl e.m.

A/n:Ahh thank u sm reader its mean a lot!!😭♡

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Summary:When going into town the only person you expected to see was your boyfriend,but things didn't go to plan as a certain blonde wouldn't back off,just how would you be able to get out of this awkward situation?With the help of our dear metalhead

Warnings:Cursing,violence(?)

Word count-777

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Have a nice day!”The ice cream employee chimed as she smiled sweetly towards you.You returned the gesture as you grabbed the cone she held out for you.

“You too.”

It had been a hot day for being not even halfway through the year.Your mother suggested that you should go out,of course that eventually turned into a demand as she forced you out of the house,however to have some fun you invited your boyfriend of two years,Eddie Munson,too join you.He said yes and that he would meet you at the ice cream stand,so that was why you were currently standing around.

Since it was super hot it wasn't suprising when you saw the captain of the basketball team,Jason Carver,sitting around with a few of his friends near the ice cream stand.However it was suprising when,instead of ignoring you like he usually did,he started to walk towards you.

You knew how much trouble he was,so like in any normal social interaction of yours,you started to walk the opposite way from Jason,trying your best not to make eye contact.

But when you felt a hand on your shoulder you immediately turned around,and was met with the sinister light eyes you had tried to avoid.

“(Y/n),right?”Jason asked innocently with a smug smile.’Did he really think you would just stop and chat like old friends?’

“Um,yea,yes that's me.”You looked down at your shoes and kept you gaze there,rubbing your neck with your free hand.

“Mm,”He hummed,maybe it was some sort of acknowledgment instead of an actual answer. “So when I just happened to see you,I thought maybe we should,I don't know maybe go out for a bite?”

The question in itself was harmless,but due to having a boyfriend and him geting too close for comfort you felt the need to thoroughly explain why that could never happen.

“Ah..thanks but no thanks.”You started,missing the way that stupid grin fell of his face as he started to clench his jaw.”I know this sounds cliche or something but my boyfriends coming soon,so..”

You took a few steps away from him unconsciously,not liking the way the tension grew immediately.At first he just stared at you,which to no ends freaked you out but you knew you needed to get out of there when he let out a crazed laugh.

“Well I dont see him anywhere,do you?”He said almost condescendingly,as he closed the gap you had created.

Knowing that he couldn't even be reasoned with you did a 180° and began walking away,keeping your head down as if it would make you smaller.

“Hey!You can't just walk away from me!”You were forced to stop as you felt a hand clasp onto your wrist.You glared up at Jason as you tried your best to get out of his metal grip.

“Let.Me.Go.”You stated slowly but it was ignored as Jason continued to try and make advances towards you.

“Now you listen here-,”Jason began,but stopped when you audibly gasped.Your freaking savior and boyfriend Eddie Munson stood between you and Jason,and you didn't even see the way Eddie was glaring daggers at the boy.

“Now why don't you listen?Your going to get the fuck off my girlfriend,and your never going to look,touch,or even think about her.Do you understand?"

It was obvious Jason hadn't thought you were telling the truth about waiting for someone,but of course he just threw away his pride away as he continued to be an idiot.

"Pfft-whatever she wasn't even that cute anyway."Jason laughed as he rolled his eyes,walking back to his little goons.

Although his words didn't effect you they certainly twisted Eddie the wrong way.You had to quite literally hold him back at Jason retreated with whatever he had left of his dignity.

When Eddie turned to you he was fuming.He also started to apologize about how he wished he had gotten there sooner.Although it was sad the only way Jason left you alone was because of another dude,you were grateful nonetheless.And that's what you told him.He had no reason to be sorry in fact he was the reason you hadn't snapped and punched the asshat in the face.

Later that day while cuddling with Eddie in his bed,you brought up how adorable it was that he had gotten so defensive.

He propped himself up on his elbow as he stared at you lovingly,peppering little kisses across your face as you teased him."Well how couldn't I be?He was messing with my girl."

You laughed at that moment but it didn't stop you from also feeling such an admiration for the boy in front of you.

"I love you Eds."

He kissed you on the forehead,"I love you too...also do you wanna make some chicken nuggets with me?"

"Hell yea."

[valiumgf]

ok so! coping with schizophrenia/schizoaffective on low dose/no antipsychotics (I do use mood stabilizers still) info under the cut

1. process your emotions as they come!! (you've gotta figure out how you process best, journalling, visual art, talking things over with someone you trust, exercise, nature walks, yoga, writing poetry, whatever works best for you!) by as they come I mean: literally ASAP!! don't let it have time to marinate and get lost in your subconscious without properly addressing it! something that helps this is really paying attention to where and how you feel emotions (example: I feel guilt and anxiety like a ball in my chest, when I notice I feel it I know I gotta talk to someone ASAP!)

2. OK you're recognizing something you hear/see might not be there think about what stressful events have occurred recently, how does it relate? is there a common trigger (feeling, memory, situation, even a passing thought that occurred before the experience!) try to write down the contributing factors and what the experience was if you have the time! (writing in your phones notes app can quickly work!) acknowledge the experience: i saw this, it made me feel this. next try to redirect your thinking to something else! (I'll explain what I mean by this in 3)

3. OK so the experience happened, but I don't know why? acknowledge it, acknowledge what things it made you feel! now think of something unrelated that doesnt evoke a strong emotional reaction from you, redirecting thinking allows me to not ruminate and not increase emotions related to the experience which just makes me personally spiral!

4. you have better insight!!! congrats and if u dont have better insight we will talk,abour redirecting less intense experiences!!! now you can treat the mild experiences you may still have akin to intrusive thoughts! once again, acknowledge, redirect! or, if you're able to, you might be able to just redirect and not use the mental energy to acknowledge them every time when you're confident!

5. if you struggle with going outside due to paranoia, try to focus more on your feet and listen to some music or talk on the phone! I know personally the less I focus on my surroundings on bad days the less my surroundings seem looming and threatening, also if you're afraid of other people and have the confidence: offering a smile when you pass by someone helps me feel less afraid of others and from all the bs I learned in DBT "wide smile open hands" DOES work, open body language and smiles do make me feel more at ease in public!

6. STIM!! my main one in public is closing my hands tight then opening them, sadly some stims are stigmatized but if you feel comfortable it does make it easier to be out of safe spaces!

7. delusions, this gets tricky! for me, it's not about "changing the belief" because let's be honest, it's basically impossible! what helps me, in, the beginning: was "ok so there's two possibilities, 1. your belief is factual, 2. it's not factual" you want to operate your decisions and actions under meeting in the middle, and not doing anything extreme! (example: "my neighbour's are always talking about me and it distresses me": ok! maybe say hi and ask them how they're doing next time you see them, maybe it could improve their view of you! and if not, you're building a little connection with someone you live near!) (example 2: I am being targeted: "I should maybe tell someone I'm feeling anxious (for whatever reason you feel comfortable sharing) and tell someone to keep in touch with me!" it does not confirm that you actually are being targeted but sets up a safety net which can help with the pain of being persecuted without feeling believed) also recommend looking into double bookkeeping!!

[homosexualasstransbian]

im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

[gvtted-ratz]

read all our tags/ratings. they r important n give u all u need 2 decide if u wanna actually read or not. do not like the tags/rating? do not read.

FEM ALIGNING/IDENTIFYING PPL (unless mutuals/friends) DNI WITH OUR MLM WORKS. fem ppl can still request tho. respect our wishes or get blocked. yes we do read/check everything. we tag appropriately/use tags that go with our posts.

want 2 request? find the rules: here!

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Correct Ending

John Doe x M!It/Its!Reader

Last Edited: 27/03/23

TW: blood, horror, stalking

Requested: no

Word Count: 3,031

AO3 LINK -> HERE

Notes: role-reversal AU. reader is the stalker/eldritch-horror being, john doe is a gas station worker stuck in a time loop (tho his looks/odd actions r still the same). it/its used 4 reader/mention of reader having a “human male form/human male face” as well as having “sir”. he/they pronouns used 4 john doe. treat this as having some spoilers (ending 7 basically)+remember of the canon creepiness/horror aspect from the game. if u can’t handle that, this prob aint 4 u so tread with caution/dont read. distorted/glicth text have numbers beside them as they will b put in at the end with each word 2 b read easier if desired/needed.

While people think the man is creepy, you couldn’t help but l̸̩̈́̿͆̔͌́ő̶̗̠͛͊͑̍̿v̵̨͎̈̄̀̚ĕ̵̖̦͔̘͇̑͊̿̌̑̄ [1] him. It didn’t matter that they didn’t shower or seem to understand that his clothes being thrown everywhere in his home wasn’t exactly the best for their mental health. The deteriorating mental health of your beloved truly did help you in a way though. It meant that he’d need someone around and what better person to help them than you? None of those other people in Uncanny Valley can help him like you could. They’re just tiny little humans, lacking anything significant about them. You, on the other hand, can protect your lovely little gas station worker by simply existing. Changing most of your form to anything he may desire is something you keep in mind, watching, together with, seeing what they may or may not like. Of course, some things you do rather wish to keep; a more human male figure seems more appropriate to you at times when you’re with the guy. It had taken a while but after watching how other men looked, you had been able to achieve the appropriate image.

Due to the time loop, it appears that John Doe forgets about you. Every. Single. Time. You’re doing what you can to ensure he chooses the right options. You’ve been trying for so ļ̴̢̹̫̪̙̀͛̈́̓͛o̸̬͔̍͛n̶̜̽͛̾̀̕g̵̨̖̎̇̄͐̈́̇[2]. So why can’t the person just r̵̬͇̓̋e̴̹͐m̵̨̢̈́͝e̶̻̭̔̄m̸̧͚̽͊b̵̯̑̈́ē̴͔r̴̭̙̊[3]? That’s all they have to do. Remember you! It’s all you want! You want to be remembered, for all your trials and errors to be acknowledged! You distort reality for him! You’ve even given him gifts you thought he’d like; he’s accepted them every time but soon enough, those gifts get pushed aside, along with forgotten, when the new day arrives. But today there will be a change! There has to be! You’ve tried your best so you need to make this one count. It’s either the route he chooses leads to the right outcome for you both, or one that leads to one they will surely hate.

You see him on the bus, staring into space. For a human, he’s more uncanny than most. Maybe that’s what brought you to l̷̹͊͘ộ̸̊͐v̴̛̬͈͆̂̈́i̷͎̪̝̾̔̂ṉ̴̱̪̑g̸͙͛̄͌ [4] them. Then again, not seeing anything odd or weird in a place called Uncanny Valley would be wrong. He truly does fit in with the town in a way; the behaviour that is. Their looks give them more of a wild, unhygienic appearance more than anything. So many other humans stay away from the guy because of it, leading to a wide berth on the bus. It works in your favour after all; you possibly can’t go a day without watching the darling thing. To catch your interest out of all the others is an achievement in itself. Oh, they truly should be proud of themself because of that.

Seemingly sensing your staring, the yellowed eyes look towards your glassy ones. Once met, your grin widens tenfold. It seems to nearly split your face in half, showing off way more teeth than a human can possibly have. They blink at you, the black shirt they have on changing its design to an eye with a question mark as the pupil. The lips that never seem to close fully lift just slightly, more in a confused smile than a happy one. You’ll take it though, feeling warmth clouding your brain at his simple grin. You lessen your beaming when he looks away, starting to zone out again by how unfocused their eyes start to look. The warmth starts to edge away now that their attention is no longer on you. You can feel your lips fall into a straight line, feeling empty with that small amount of attention lost.

The bus stops, opening its doors to let off the passengers. John is one of the first to get off, letting you follow him from a distance, having taken the back of the line to do so. They’re heading to the gas station, working another day behind the counter. The long, messy hair of his is easy to spot in the small crowd; not to mention that they, along with a few others, are heading to place. Not many stop by thanks to the reality-shifting you do to try and keep John more or less alone. It makes time drag by slower, plus, you can watch him for longer.

You lurk about, staying hidden among the aisles to let John get comfortable in the beginning of their shift. You don’t want to appear suddenly like you have so many other times. It always seems to lead to the B̵̟͚̝̫̣̹̯̈̿̑͐ ̸̠̟̬͙̍͊́̇͆͜͠͝Ȁ̵̡̰͙͍̱̹̯͆̿ ̸̓̀̋̒̇͜D̷̰̖̥̤̣͈͕͂̒̓̽͌ ̷͉̼̦̒̈́ ̶͈̲̏͐ͅE̵̗̘̺̥̰̠̟͆̅͒̐̔̈́ ̵̙̞̭̪̙́͐͊̿͝N̷̩͋̕ͅ ̸̨͚̯̈́͑̌̀́̾̚D̸͍̩̫̈̈́̋͗̽̕ͅͅ ̷̮̩̋̋̈́͊͋̀Ĩ̸̥͈̙̦͊̅͘̚ ̷̳̱͕̻̜͚̋̊͐͝Ṇ̷̡͓̟̃̆̊̔ͅ ̷̭̬̇̆̈̈́͊G̴̤̒̐̍̈́ ̶̣̺̒̚Ș̸̲̺͇̋̈ [5]. Those were so tiring to deal with, having to revive your love over and over and over and over again. “It’ll be different this time. It’ll be better,” Your voice, though low, sounds disembodied with a static quality. You’ll win his affection this time or simply restart again until he accepts… So many endings have passed, moreover, restarting is getting tiring. You can feel your desperation taking over, leading to your hands shaking.

You grab the first thing you can get your quivering hands on, leading the object to your mouth. A tearing sound echoes in the store as your mouth widens, the skin going from your lips to your ear tearing open to reveal more teeth. The object is placed in your mouth, your jaws clamping down on it, completely as well as utterly crushing the item. You can hear glass shatter and crunch as you eat both the glass as well as pickled quail eggs. The taste combined with the texture of both floods your mouth as you try to get your mind in order. By the time you finish, there’s a puddle of juice on the floor, the jar, metal lid, and pickled eggs all having been eaten. Your hands have stopped shaking so you allow your face to go back to the human male face you’ve constructed, alongside altered, just for John.

With a clearer head, you look around the aisle. Your glassy eyes make eye contact with a horrified mother with her three kids. The children, all ranging from ages four to eight, stare at you with awe mixed with terror. The mother, on the other hand, looks like she’s about to pass out with how much panic seeps out of her. You give them a large, toothy grin, wiggling your fingers mockingly. She herds her kids away, shushing them when they try to protest. None of them will remember this by tomorrow.

Deciding your beloved has had enough time to settle into their shift, you start to approach the counter. No one is at the counter, letting you walk right up and stand before him. He’s staring off again, almost always does so when bored or understimulated. The skin at the edges of your eyes crinkle as you smile, this one not as wide as the one who had given them on the bus nor to the family in the aisle. With no answer, you reach into your pocket, pulling out your closed fist. “Hi.” Your voice, now sounding like it comes from you, carries a cheery but unhinged tone. The yellow eyes you’ve come to adore look at you, now more focused and full of attention.

“Hi,” They blink in surprise at your presence, clearly having missed it until you appeared. “How can I help you, sir?” Your closed fist hovers over the counter, your smile never wavering, as you release your gift.

“For you!” Teeth, some bloodied while others are nearly shiny clean, land on the counter with a clattering sound. John stares at them, his mouth forming a straight line despite never closing all the way. With no answer from him, together with their eyes going unfocused again, you try to smooth it over with more words you deem to be complimentary. “You smell good.” It jolts them back into reality for the moment. You can see his pupils start to expand, nearly swallowing all of the yellow. His shirt even has the eye change, the pupil on it now a heart. You know you haven’t won them over just yet but you have the seed planted in his mind now.

“Uhm… Ok…” His voice shakes, along with his hands as he drags them closer to himself. The black nails they have shine in the light, only adding to their appearance you’re fond of so much. He scoops them in his hand, putting them in the incorrectly-worn jacket’s pocket. You’re not sure if they’re genuinely happy about your gift, or absolutely horrified by the fact that they were just given teeth by a stranger, in their mind that is; you both know each other already if only he remembered you.

“What’s your name?” You lean towards him, hands gripping the edge of the counter so tightly, they can see the strain in your knuckles. The smile he gives you is still small, pupils still enlarged. Quietly, as well as shakily, they point to their name tag.

“That’s definitely one of the names I’ve heard. I’m _̵͙̋̈́-̴̻͖͍̆̆-̵̧̨͆_̸̦̞̊̆-̵̢͗͝_̵̰̇̕-̷̩̭̈́͋_̴͙̺͇̦̅̃  [6] but you can call me [Redacted]!” Your hands are clutched together near your chest as you tell them this, flashing distorted and gorey images in their mind. The smile on his face seems a little more strained now, a spiral appearing on his shirt. Maybe giving them your name confused them. Then again, anyone who isn’t like you will only hear it as garbled glitching. You’re only hoping the more understandable name you’re allowing them to call you is enough.

“Are you doing anything after work?” You decide to try and go for it, hoping that maybe, just maybe he’ll say yes like he’s done a few times before. Besides, he said “No” in the previous day. So this time, now that you’re more normal, they should say yes.

“No… I’m not doing anything. Why do you ask?” He seems genuinely interested this time, leaving that fuzzy warmth to worm its way into your head. An odd gurgling noise escapes you, making their brows furrow in confusion as you suddenly leave. Behind you, just before you exist, you can hear a small “It was cute but in a creepy, stalkerish way… And a little weird… A me type of weird.” escape him. Their comments don’t sound disgusted however, they sound more like you’ve successfully gotten their curiosity paired with their attention.

It’s a few hours later that John leaves the gas station. You can feel your entire being shake with excitement, feeling the hope that his choices will lead to the correct ending; no more time-loops or reality-shifting needed. You’re quiet as you creep closer and closer to the oblivious person in front of you. You can hear their mumblings about “finally getting off work” combined with “can’t wait to sleep.”

“Hi,” You’re practically hovering behind him, staring with large pupils. Your hands are shaking as you clutch them near your stomach. You refrain from touching him in case you scare him away. An entire body shudder is an answer you receive; just faintly you can hear them swallow. “Oh… My bad. I didn’t think I’d frighten you so bad…” You give him an apologetic smile, despite not feeling sorry at all. Seeing any reaction from them only feeds your infatuation. Before he can even respond, you’re leaning in more, invading his space. “Can I come home with you? Please? We can.. We can get to know each other better! Have a relationship!” You’re coming on strong, you know you are, but you can barely hold in your desperation.

Your last sentence seems to surprise them, seeing that spiral on their shirt appear again. Maybe should reword it… “Like- Like a great friendship! Best friends!” Your hands are shaking so badly, forcing you to dig them into your gut to hide it. That doesn’t hide how your voice shakes as you trip over your words. They lick their lips, glancing away from you for a second to process your words.

“Alright… Yeah. Yeah, you can come over-” His pupils are large again, a barely-there flush slowly crawling up his neck and towards his face. Their words are cut off when the bus arrives. As soon as those eyes leave to look at the bus pulling up, you dart away. You have to make it to his apartment as fast as possible. You have to get there before they can. Ȳ̸̼̹̉̃͘Ǒ̴̯͐͛͠U̸͖̩̜͛ ̸̟̱̙͔͊H̵̑̕͜͝A̸͇̱̺͗͘V̷̨͖̗̗͒E̵̢͖̕͜ ̶̳̭̲̓T̵̮͔͖̗̈́̌O̵̙̹̹͈͌͒̓.̴̩̝̟̭͋̓ [7]

--------------------------------------------

Unease, curiosity, and excitement waft to you from the entrance of John’s apartment. You made it just before they had, vibrating with a feeling of fear mixed with passion. Slowly, he carefully enters his apartment. The trash, including the ungodly smell of everything in the apartment, would usually turn people away but turning off your smell to some things, or even rewiring your own brain can make it smell like it’s a new sort of heavenly desert, helps you enjoy John’s scent and their unhygienic apartment.

“Anyone home..? [Redacted]? Anyone?” Hearing your name from those lips makes a wheezing sound from the build-up of emotions. The sound you’ve let escape you allows John to locate you easily in his living room. There’s a nest of both unwashed clothings paired with blankets made on the sofa.

“Hello, John!” You can feel your mouth salivate. You’re so close. So, so close. You can smell their anger, their shock. You’re confused by it but try to push on. He said you could come over! They shouldn’t be mad at you for doing just that! “It’s unfair, you know? So, very unfair!” You cry out, feeling your eyes start to water. The stress from so many time-loops, so many rejections, and constantly having to alter your looks taking its toll. “You’ve NEVER given me a chance! Never! Not ONCE.” The static garbles some words while enhancing others. “I did everything right! I did everything I thought you’d like! That you’d LOVE.” You see the person before you sweating slightly, brows furrowed in concentration. Maybe he to, is stressed from all these loops and finally feeling its effects like you. “I can be anything you want! Anything you like!” The more normal form you have shifts to a more distorted, uncanny one. Neither is your true form but the most humanoid you’ve ever been; all of it has been for them. So much energy. So much time. It’s all been put into what he wants or what they may find even remotely attractive.

Finally, you settle on the more uncanny form. You’re shaking with your stress. Sweat covers you layers, forcing your clothes to stick to your heated skin. The anxiety is creeping into your voice the longer John is silent. Your tears are so close to spilling over as you choke out your desperate question. “What’s wrong with me…? Don’t you love me?”

The silence seems to stretch on. John’s own stress seems to melt away as realization dawns on them. He blinks a few times, staring at you as everything falls into place. Maybe it’s your shaking. Or it could be the fact that you just poured your entire being into your rant but a smile makes its way onto their face. It reminds you of your own in a way. There are too many teeth, pupils dilated, together with the shaking of their entire being. “I do love you…” Their voice shakes with this declaration, breathing getting heavier. You can feel your pupils dilate and warmth flood your entire body. “Of course, I love you… But not when you pretend to be something else.” Be yourself? But that isn’t what John wants… No, it is. He’s saying it right now so they must mean it. “You don’t have to alter your appearance or your personality for me… It’ll all be fake then.” His eyes are wide, smile just as big as excitement courses through them. How could you not notice how unhinged he was? They have to be just like you! You had just pushed too fast, that was it! Made them lose interest too fast! “I remember the past loops… All of them. You’ve been trying for weeks, haven’t you?”

“Every day. I’ve been looping this every single day… Hoping! Hoping you’d say yes!” Your tears are finally rolling down your cheeks. You’re getting choked up, wanting the right answer so badly. Wanting to end the endless Ạ̶̏̐ͅ ̷̟̅̆͌̄G̷͖͌̋̓ͅ ̷̼̬̯̦̌̈́͘͠O̸̤͍͙͑́̈ͅ ̶̟͕̒̽͛N̷̡͙͉̾͆̇ ̸̧̻̮͋̆̄Ÿ̸̢̰̪́̽̕ [8] you’ve had to endure to get John to just yearn for you as you do him.

“We're just going to keep meeting like this, aren't we? It's just some endless loop…” There’s a pause as they finally make a decision. “So… We may as well see what happens then.” You feel your legs give out, the stress exploding. You grab your shirt close to your chest, sobbing in happiness on your knees. A genuine smile spreads across your face. Your entire being shakes as you feel the time loop ends. Finally. You finally achieved the Correct Ending.

A hand settles on your shoulder as John crouches down in front of you. It’s tight, grounding even. Your sobs don’t stop even when they sit in front of you. When the hand leaves, you look at him. His grin is shaking, alongside his body. His eyes are glassy with unshed tears. You don’t know why but you don’t care. You latch onto the man in front of you, gasping for air but also to get as much of his smell as you can. Your nails pierce his skin, making the wounds bleed, with how tight you hold onto them. This doesn’t bother them though as he latches onto you just like you’ve done. Their nails sinking into your own skin brings no blood. Only indents are left behind. Gentle static noises surround you both as your sobbing subsides. It’s more of a gentle buzzing as you let your form slump into John’s, letting it mould itself to his. No more time-loops or needing to shift reality to get John to love you anymore. Not when you finally have it.

KEYS:

[1] love

[2] long

[3] remember

[4] loving

[5] BAD ENDINGS

[6] _--_-_-_ 

[7] YOU HAVE TO.

[8] AGONY

[slenderverse]

love to see the watchmen stuff coming from you. i was working at the comic shop when doomsday clock and rorschach was coming out so i remember it pretty well :~) rorschach is my favorite character even though he's terrible. in every way. i kind of love him for it while dr manhattan is the worst guy ever. what are your thoughts

in a joking manner here r my thoughts:

in all seriousness my favorite characters r probably laurie, dan and rorschach :) i want to pin adrian to a corkboard like a moth and study him. adrian himself isnt an interesting character (or atleast as interesting as the others) but lord his dynamics w others need to be put on trial i think there's so much shown potential there. comedian is interesting and manhattan is too i jut also hate them both w a burning passion. obviously both of them are insane parallels abt the lost of humanity due to trauma that is treated as the norm or seen as simply just "as things are" (u ever think abt how comedian was 16 when he joined the minutemen? the same age laurie was when she joined the crimebusters?)

love what happened w laurie in the hbo series. love the rorschach comics. complex emotions abt the movie its both insanely accurate yet also makes me wanna rip my hair out bc there are some choices there that are absolutely insane??? are you fucking kidding me???? WHY. WHY DID U DO THAT TO MANHATTAN AND LAURIE'S ARC. HATE IT HERE.

before watchmen is good. most of it is shit but what is good is amazing. i love the minutemen i love the lore established there. obviously we can't talk abt watchmen adaptations without acknowledging how DC fucked over alan moore and dave gibbons but like. i am happy to get more content that i get to pull apart and examine because lord knows we're never getting the same type of content other DC franchises get.

THE VIDEO GAME IS SO WEIRD THE FIRST CHAPTER OF IT IS FASCINATING. I LOVE IT. THE SECOND CHAPTER IS BULLSHIT. UGH.

if prompted i could give personal reviews abt everything that ive read/consumed w watchmen. like detailed reviews. i think abt it constantly.

i actually have a watchmen oc/self insert bc thats how i consume media his name is jeremiah and he is. well! he sure is.

i dont like how most of the fandom writes dan and rorschach as a romantic relationship. not because i don't think there's something insanely homoerotic going on i just don't think they're able to be a functional couple. they've never gotten married but have divorced 20 times and 18 of those were rorschach's fault. i think there's a lot of untouched dynamics going on w adrian and comedian but i think that's just the watchmen that's in my head.

AND UHHH if i were to ever be in charge or have influence in a watchmen series i think we need something that focuses on the time when crimebusters first formed up until the keenes act. i realize that's been touched on in the comic but i found a lot of before watchmen rlly neglected that. i want more detail on backstory. my friend says that dev patel would play a great dan and honestly i think we should see where that goes. need more dan media. idc if he's "boring". he's my favorite war criminal.

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation {Sal Fisher}: Choke On My D-- [3]

My night was filled with banter and laughter. If I'm being completely honest, it was even more amazing than I imagined it would be.

I grew up with the mindset of "do what makes the most money, not what you want to do." So actually enjoying my job for once feels different. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make enough with playing games online with my friends, but I'd be elated if I could because I genuinely enjoy it.

I don't want to go back to the way things were before.

Sally Face was quiet for most of the night, only really talking when directly spoken to. But what he didn't do— no matter what— was speak to me. Never addressed me. Never acknowledged me again. He ignored any attempts I made to bring him into our conversations (which didn't happen often, by the way) and he would even scoff at the sound of my voice.

But it didn't bother me all that much. Over the course of the night, I amassed thousands of new subscribers and followers between each one of my social media accounts. It's shocking to say the least, but very welcome. I'm not sure if those numbers will continue to grow or if this is just a spur of the moment excitement for The Faces fans, but I'm anxious to see where things go.

And Sally Face never called or texted "Lexi." Not once.

My guess is that I pissed him off enough to shut him up completely.

Larry, Ash, and Todd posted their recordings to Youtube. Sally hasn't yet, but going through comments has been quite interesting. I think, with the way people are enjoying me and Sally's arguing, I may be able to make something out of this.

One such thread of comments goes as so:

sllyfcefannn: Sally is a MENACE LMAO ashypoosbby: wtf is even happening sallyfacesallyfacee: he was quick with it too hahaaa larry4lyfe: Why is Sally such an asshole tho-- sxllyfxce28: nah they rlly dont need more people in The Faces. four is enough. bye violetviolence, go somewhere else. ashintheair: Honestly feel bad for VioletViolence. she's so sweet and she was so kind when she introduced herself and Sally was just such a dick. like imagine hearing this as a fan (which she is). so heartbreaking. toddsdaddy: agreed. he could've been a LOT more sensitive like??

I look through more comments beneath my own video, smiling the entire time as I get dressed for work. I'm still stuck wearing glasses, but I don't mind. I'm used to them for right now and there isn't much that could break my excitement of having people actually defend me and enjoy my video.

It's fortifying.

My shift is a short 8-12 that goes by even more quickly with the aid of tons of comments and likes giving me something to look forward to throughout the day.

As I'm walking home and enjoying the afternoon sun, Ash calls me.

With a startled flinch, I pull my phone from my pocket and quickly accept the call when I realize who it is. Why would she be calling?

"Y/n-- sorry, I guess I should call you Vi now, right?" Ash curses quietly then starts over again. "Vi! Hi, how are you, guess what!!!"

I smile, unable to stop a small giggle from slipping past my lips. Ash is so precious. She can't hide her true intentions-- she only called me to tell me about something interesting.

"I'm well, Ash. Most of that is thanks to you," I reply happily, ingesting the tempting sight of various stores around me. Downtown LA. "What's up?"

Ash practically squeals, a shuffling sound coming from the other end of the call. "Guess who's going to fucking Vegas!?"

My eyebrows raise and my heart skips a beat as I pause my steps. Ash heading to Vegas? That's ridiculously close. Even if it's still hours away, the thought of finally being near her again after all these years makes my heart race to the point that I feel a bit lightheaded. 

"What? Really?" I breathlessly ask, looking down at the bright cement beneath my feet. My stomach feels tight and a lump begins to form in my throat. I really want a chance to see Ash, though I'm not sure I have the money to take an unplanned trip to Las Vegas...

"YES!" She screams again. I can even hear her feet pittering around her room-- the thought of her running in excitement makes my elation grow to insane heights. I feel like running through the streets and screaming myself. "We'll be going to Vegas in three weeks! It's for an exclusive party at some club. I got you a ticket. I'll send it!"

My brows scrunch together. She got me into some VIP event? "How did you get a ticket for me? And who's we-- do you mean me and you?"

"Ooo, fun question!" Ash whispers morbidly. "The host of the event asked me about you first. Didn't know if you'd be into going somewhere so social! But they love your intro into the tech and gaming world. Especially the tension between you and Sal! That part was easy. I hardly had to say a word." She giggles proudly to herself whereas I wince. 

I don't want Sally and I to be some kind of spectacle to the world. I don't want people to know me as that random girl that argues with Sally Face because he just can't help but hate her guts. I want to be that nice girl that plays games. I want to be VioletViolence and I want to be known for it.

"And by 'we' I mean all of us! You, me, Larry, Todd, and Sal!"

I chew the inside of my cheek, feeling unwelcome tears sting my eyes as my heart drops into the acidic depths of my stomach. An involuntary sigh escapes my lips as I think of how to tell Ash that I'm absolutely not going to Vegas with The Faces. 

"That sounds... fun," I murmur, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and tilting my head to the sky to stop my tears from falling. "I appreciate the invite, but I don't think I... have the funds to go." My claim isn't exactly a lie, but I'm almost thankful for it right now. I can't go to Las Vegas if Sally is going to be there.

We don't get along. The two of us are a ticking bomb-- except none of us know how long the countdown is before it blows. It's an issue. I don't want to reunite with my friends then immediately jump into arguments and fights with Sally. That would be so embarrassing for me and for Larry, Todd, and Ash. I do not want that.

I'm forgetting that the most important reason why I can't go to Vegas is because Sal knows the face behind VioletViolence. He would hate 'Lexi' if he were to find out that she and VioletViolence are one. I want him to like at least one thing about me even if he doesn't know that it's me.

Then again, why should I care if he dislikes every version of me? He's shown his distaste in various ways. He's been a complete ass, so why defend him? Why do I want him to like me?

"Y/n-- Vi," Ash corrects herself with a hiss, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. "I'll cover your trip. Just, please, come see us. The guys miss you."

"Not all of them." I laugh humorlessly, kicking a pebble at my feet.

"You know what I mean. Sally has no say in what happens anyway. We won't let him bother you-- just come!" Ash pleads. If she were with me right now, I just know she would be grabbing my hands and giving me her puppy dog eyes.

My teeth clamp down on my bottom lip with a force I can't control. I crack my knuckles, scuff my foot on the ground. I feel apprehensive-- I don't want to have to tell Ash the truth on why I don't want to go, but I know it's getting close to that.

"I don't want anyone to see my face, Ash. It's not a good idea for me to go..." I trail off, picking at the skin on my fingers and hoping that she'll at least accept that.

"We can figure something out, Vi. Just say yes and we'll handle everything else when the time comes, but I can promise you now that your identity will remain a secret. No one will know who you are." Ash tries to bargain, her soft and soothing voice nearly persuading me.

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I can't, Ash." Gosh, I don't want to upset her. "You know how I feel about you paying for me. Plus, there's really no way to hide myself from everyone. Think about it. And..." She'll fight me on everything else because she wants this so bad, so I'll throw the truth in. "I don't want to be around Sally. It would be bad for all of us. Deep down, you know that, too."

Ash sighs disappointedly, but I can tell she isn't going to push me anymore. "I understand. I'm sorry if I was crossing a line. I just... I really miss you. It's been nearly a decade. I really fucking wish Sal wasn't such an ass either. He's never acted that way before. He's normally a very soft, humble guy. I don't know what his problem is. I'm... I'm sorry, Y/n."

I don't know what his issue with me is, but I believe Ash now that I've gotten the chance to talk with Sal-- no ties to anyone, just the two of us. He didn't know a thing about me and because of that, I got to see a side of him I didn't expect. He was sweet, kind, and giving. I enjoyed that personality. He was open and happy to get to know me.

"I believe you. Maybe it's just me. No matter who I am, he just has something against me." I lick my dry lips, an iron taste on my tongue. I must have bitten my lip too hard. "And thank you for understanding. I do appreciate the invite and I miss you more than anything, but it's not quite time yet."

"That's okay, babe. I'll wait for you forever. And Sal shouldn't have anything against you. You do not deserve that, not with how incredibly precious you are." Ash perks up a bit, a smile in her voice.

Hearing her more upbeat tone makes my worrisome thoughts and racing heart calm down a bit. "Oh, well. People will hate. It's whatever."

"He'll come around eventually," Ash says softly. She's quiet for a moment then says, "Well, hey. We're getting online again tonight if you want to join."

I take a deep breath, looking up at the road ahead of me. There are people everywhere. It's a beautiful day. "Yea, that sounds good. I'll be free all afternoon."

"Great! Just check Discord every once in a while. We'll figure out a time and a game there! You gonna try Twitch tonight?" Ash asks.

"I think I will," I answer. It's time I start going where I'll get money-- if I get money. Doesn't hurt to put everything into swing though. "You think I have a chance with this, Ash?" I ask, my voice betraying my vulnerability. Truthfully, I'm afraid of trying and failing at this because I truly loved  playing with everyone last night.

"Oh, honey," Ash's voice is gentle and comforting like a nice, warm hug. One that I desperately wish I could get from her. "I know you've got this. You already have over eight thousand new subscribers on Twitch. That's a fantastic start. It took me a while to get there. Not to mention, people love you. I love you. Larry and Todd love each side of you."

A genuine smile pulls at my lips and I find myself fighting off tears again. Ash reminds me of my dad-- they are both just so easy to talk to. I feel like I can tell them anything. I'd admit every one of my darkest secrets to both of them and know I wouldn't be judged. To me, that's one of the truest, purest forms of love. 

All of my secrets except for the fact that I've already met Sally Face. 

"Thank you, Ash. It's all thanks to you. I love you so much and I can't wait to continue this journey with you and the guys," I say gratefully. And you know what, I can't be too angry about Sally because our arguments got me some traction, too. "Even Sally," I decide to add.

"That's the spirit!" Ash claps her hands, the sound reverberating through my ears. "I'll see you online tonight, 'kay?"

"See you then. I love you," I tell her, waiting for her to hang up the call with an unbeatable, winning smile on my face. I'm looking forward to getting home. 

"Je t'aime, mon couer!" Ash blows a kiss then ends the call, leaving me alone in the Los Angeles wilderness-- nothing I'm not already used to.

I feel happier than I did at the beginning of our call. Ash was reassuring and just as helpful as she always is. Even if I won't get to see her in Vegas, I'm happy knowing that she'll be close by.

Walking further down the street, I look between various stores and window-shop. There are tons of nice things. For example, a tiara and crystal store-- what a combination! 

The sun beats down on me in what would normally be an uncomfortable way, but today, it feels restoring. The ridiculous heat feels like a sign of a new start.

A glance to my right causes me to do a sudden double take though and I find myself distracted from any previous thoughts. 

That's something interesting. I walk closer to a shop, letting my eyes wander over all the goodies inside the window. Of all things, half of an answer sits before me. An answer that I never would have come up with on my own-- and yet, here it is. All and only because I realized that this could conceal me. Maybe not at this exact moment, but it has potential. And I want it.

Without a second thought, I pull my eyes away from the window and gaze at the door to the shop instead. I don't worry about funds, I don't think about how odd it'll be for me to keep this in my room-- unused. But I need it because this gives me an actual opportunity to go visit Ash, Larry, and Todd someday.

It's a mask store.

I walk in, listening to the door jingle behind me. The store is small, but very personal and unique. The walls are black and littered with various masks all with different styles, colors, and designs.

Beads and other decorations hang from the black ceiling, adding a bit of color to the void above. It's only a bit of decoration to aid the music in the room, but it works incredibly well.

The music is in a foreign language, but it seems to be a mix of pop and rock. I'm pretty into it.

I slowly walk further into the shop, gazing left and right, just trying to decide where to look first and doing my very best not to tap my foot to the beat of the music. Standing here looking overwhelmed makes me me feel awkward and out of place. Should I really be in here at all? It's probably better if I wait and think on this a bit.

My question is immediately answered when I feel a little nudge on my arm. I glance over my shoulder, feeling an urge to scoot to the side in case I'm blocking anyone, but a lady stands behind me with a smile on her face and a mask in her hand. 

I feel like I've just barely decided on doing this, like life is moving past me at double the speed. To see this lady standing before me with a beautiful mask in her hands feels like a sign, though.

"I had to grab it in when you walked in," she says. "I think this one will suit your face nicely."

The woman has salt and pepper hair in a loose, messy bun atop her head. Her skin is a gorgeous caramel shade and her face is littered with little freckles. And her eyes-- a welcoming, inebriating color that reminds me so much of smoky quartz. Absolutely stunning.

She's a bit shorter than me, too. But she seems to notice my hesitance, patting my arm with her free hand. "Why don't you take a look at it, honey?"

My mouth opens, my lips dry as I try to find the right words to stay. But my brain is empty, so I snap my mouth shut and gently take the mask from her instead. 

It seems like almost an exact replica of Phantom of the Opera's Red Death mask. The one from the live action movie with Gerard Butler. 

It would only cover from my forehead down to under my nose, but it's gorgeous. There are grooves in it to mimic the shape of a skull and it's a deep, dark red. 

My heart feels like it's just participated in a NASCAR race. This feels so right. It feels perfect-- like all the stars have aligned just for me in this moment. My stomach feels queasy in the best kind of way like the time I overate for my 21st birthday. I felt full and surrounded by love, though I knew better than to crack open a beer because I knew I'd throw up.

So I use that little experience to remind me that, yes, it feels right-- but I shouldn't push my luck. This will be my one thing for now, then I'll see what I can do in the future.

"Um," I murmur softly, tilting my head toward the woman with a hesitant smile. "Would you happen to have this one in purple?"

The woman leans toward me, her hands behind her back and her eyes narrowed as her smile grows into a sly grin. "I have four. What kind of purple?"

I beam at her, finding that maybe pushing my luck a bit more will be beneficial. It'll end some day, but this moment feels lucky enough to me.

The woman takes me to her counter then fishes out her four masks. They all have the same style, but their colors are much different than the red one in my hands.

There's a pastel one with neon green designs, a bright purple mask with glitter in different places, then a pink and purple tie dyed one.

But the mask that wins my vote is a dark purple-- so dark, it would look black in dim lighting-- with gold highlights in just the right places. It screams me-- screams VioletViolence. 

I run my fingers over each nook, cranny, and hill of the mask. I feel it out, falling deeper and deeper in love with the creation until I feel an unignorable yearning deep within my soul. I need this. Somehow, I feel like purchasing this mask will be life changing for me.

I take a deep breath, feeling my eyes widen as I get lost in the beauty of pure, undeniable art. "How much?" I ask softly.

"For you, fifty." Her voice is soft, but determined. So I look up, noting the content smile on her face, almost like she's proud of my decision.

"And..." I trail off, gulping as her smoky gaze meets mine. "How much would it be for someone else?"

"One twenty." Her reply is immediate and honest, her ashy eyes glinting in the dim lighting of the shop.

I definitely don't have the money to pay for a $120 mask. $50 is insanely reasonable, but I can't take such a discount just for... I don't know why I've even been given a discount.

Choking on air for a moment, I try to recover and bargain a bit more. "Ma'am, I can't take this for fifty. Let me at least give you a bit more than that."

The lady leans onto the counter separating us, lifting a hand and pointing at me. "See, I knew you were the type to say something like that. Honestly, I'd give it to you for free but I feel like that would bother you for eternity." She laughs, the raspy sound filling the air around us.

"You're right." I smile at her, placing the mask on the counter. "But seriously, I can't take something worth so much without paying the correct amount."

The woman tilts her head. "Alright, your choice. $50, or just take it. But you can't walk out of here without it."

I narrow my eyes, grinning slightly. I appreciate her kindness. I'm not sure why she's showing so much compassion toward me, but I can't complain. Maybe life just decided to give me a break today.

I pull a couple bills from my wallet and slide them over, making sure to put $10 into her tip can. I don't have much, but I can't give her nothing, especially when she's nice enough to give this to me for $50.

"If I'm ever famous," I say in a giggly voice. "I'll thank you for bringing my character to life."

The woman's smile brings life to my already enthusiastic body. "Then tell me your name so I can look for you, sweetheart. I know you'll get recognition one day."

I swallow thickly, feeling my heart swell with so much appreciation for this random woman who decided to be so kind to me. But what do I tell her? If I am famous one day, she can't know my real name because I won't go by my real name. But, she knows my face and I don't want her to associate that with VioletViolence.

I watch her for a few moments, debating in my head. She watches me patiently, the caring smile never leaving her lips.

So I cut off my thoughts and lean on the counter too. "Can you keep my face a secret if I tell you the name I go by?"

"I don't even remember what you look like," she says, waving a hand in front of her and closing her eyes.

I laugh, unable to stop myself from patting her hand affectionately. Each little bit of fear in my bones gets shredded into indecipherable pieces. Maybe this'll come back to bite me in the future, but I'm not concerned about it right now. Plus, what proof will she be able to show? I doubt she'll even remember my face. I take a glance at the empty store behind me before speaking. "I go by VioletViolence online," I say cheerily. "I'm friends with that group called The Faces."

The woman's brows furrow in shock. "Really? My son loves The Faces. He hasn't told me about you." She smiles again though, patting my hand back. "I'll definitely look out for you, love. I have the utmost faith in your abilities. May you achieve all that you long for."

With a little sweet pull at my heart strings, I squeeze her hand in mine. "Thank you, ma'am. That means the world to me." I pinch my lips together to contain the ugly crying that's bound to set in later. This visit was definitely a sign for me to keep moving forward.

This random lady with no name has managed to give me so much self-pride and hope. I'll make sure to thank her generously if and when I can.

She puts my mask in a safe, pristine, crisp box then bags it, handing it to me with a smile and well wishes before sending me on my way.

My walk home is even more vibrant and enjoyable than it was before, but it's unfortunately quick.

Dad isn't home when I walk into our apartment. Figures, though. Most of the time, he's out working late on projects or attending meetings. Hopefully he'll be able to come home tonight.

I set my bag down on the table and walk into the kitchen to find something to eat. It's almost two in the afternoon-- I've been fucking starving myself. So I decide to heat up some leftover pizza from lunch yesterday and pull my phone out of my pocket for the first time in an hour.

My phone is filled with Discord notifications. I'm going to have to turn that off. I'm a private person and so many names and tons of information slapping me in the face makes me feel uneasy.

But I notice my name brought up and the queasiness falls away for a moment.

LARBEARAWR: i bet vi is so hot LARBEARAWR: prove em right baby

T0DDLES12: Don't objectify her, Larry.

LARBEARAWR: im not objectifying her im just saying i KNOW shes gotta be hot.

SALLYFʌCɛ: she's not hot.

ASHYPOO &lt;3: Shut up, Sal!!

SALLYFʌCɛ: you need to get into the habit of using my stage name, ash, jeez.

LARBEARAWR: VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

I roll my eyes, typing back a quick response with a smile pulling at my lips. I was going to ignore it, but Sally's claim made me change my mind. I'll be damned if he goes on thinking I'm not hot. Because I... well, am I hot?

I guess I'll let Larry be the judge of that.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: who said I'm not hot???

SALLYFʌCɛ: that'd be me. you got something to say?

VIOLETVIOLENCE: yup. you a bitch.

T0DDLES12: Laughing my ass off.

LARBEARAWR: fuck todd just use abbreviations damn that's weird LARBEARAWR: we wanna know ur laughing but not REALLY like be a normal fcking person

I giggle over Todd and Larry's banter. They're quite a duo. Larry is just so informal and then Todd... well, he's the exact opposite. How have they been able to get along for this long?

With a sigh, I chew on my nails and debate sending them a photo of myself. Not my face, of course, but something just to get everyone off my back for a bit. 

The last time I thought Sally was far away from me, he ended up being in front of my face. To say that having to serve him just once caused me to develop some paranoia is an understatement-- so if I'm going to do this, I'm going to change my clothes. I don't need anyone recognizing what I'm wearing.

With a sigh and shaky hands, I shut my phone off and take slow steps to my bedroom. The door feels like it weighs two tons-- though that's my own doing. Instead of just telling them that they don't need to know what I look like, I'm making things harder on myself because I feel the need to prove Sal wrong. But what if he's not wrong?

My brows furrow as I contradict myself-- that doesn't even matter because Sal-- Sally-- is wrong. I'm totally hot. I have to be.

I skip over to my closet with some pep in my step, rifling through shirts and immediately throwing Sally's merch to the ground. I might as well throw that away. 

Or...

A petty little smile pulls at my lips. I lift the hoodie and throw it over my shoulder. It's blue-- the color of his hair-- with SALLY FACE diagonally written across the front in an almost scratchy black font. 

I grab Larry's merch hoodie too-- the same one that Sal-- dammit, Sally-- wore the day he walked into my diner. Larry's hoodie is all black with some fun red designs running down the sleeves and his name-- also in red-- in big bubble letters on the front. His popular saying, "Zesty, Voluptuous Mommy Milkers" is on the back of the hoodie and that's part of the reason why I bought it in the first place.

Then, I just grab a plain pair of skinny black jeans and leather combat boots.

I set my phone against the drawers in my room and throw on Sally's hoodie first. I take one, singular picture of me, from the neck down, flicking off the camera. Then, I switch to Larry's hoodie and take one with a thumbs up, then another with my back towards the camera while pointing at his ridiculous catch phrase.

My hands shake and my mouth goes dry as I load the first photo in Sally's hoodie before pressing send. My finger hovers over the button, never touching the screen.

Honestly, I'm horrified. What is he going to say? What are they all going to say?

SALLYFʌCɛ: VioletViolence is a pussy-- clearly. she doesn't want us to see that she's actually some old guy preying on younger hotties. 

ASHYPOO &lt;3: Dude, stop being such a dick. Do you not remember that I've met Vi like... hundreds of times??

SALLYFʌCɛ: you sure this is actually her? what proof do you have, huh?

There's my cue. With a little guilty smile, I press send.

The chat is quiet for an uncomfortably long time. I'm still in Larry's hoodie and my anxiety is so bad that I lift the collar of it and pull the fabric over my face, sniffing the washing detergent Dad has used since I was a child. It's comforting and nostalgic for the moment.

I hear a notification so I glance over the edge of the hoodie, seeing a message from Todd.

T0DDLES12: See, she's not ugly. T0DDLES12: Wait, is that Sal's merchandise?

Yes, Todd. Yes, it is. Thank you a thousand times over for taking the bait. This is working out better than I thought it would and my nervousness is gone as quick as it came.

I put the other two photos of me in Larry's merch then press send, typing out:

VIOLETVIOLENCE: sorry, wrong pic! here's what i meant to send <3

My heart skips a beat and I push out a big breath, feeling heat crawl up my cheeks as I wait for someone else to type in the chat.

LARBEARAWR: hot as fuck. 10/10. BARK RUFF QUACK RIBBIT AWOOGA

I knew he'd like that. A giggle falls from my lips and I cradle my phone, reading over Larry's message repeatedly. He's being a bit extra and really exaggerating, but I appreciate it regardless.

ASHYPOO &lt;3: Just as pretty as I remember <333333 ASHYPOO <3: Send your tit!! ASHYPOO <3: Tat** hehehehe

Funny, but that's a no-go. The only person who's seen my tattoo is Dad-- but what's the issue in sending it? Why am I afraid? Because I'll be showing skin? It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Why am I insecure over it?

ASHYPOO &lt;3: I'd love to prove who you are to Sal-- but you don't have to send if you don't want to!

Ah, well, that's quite an incentive. It would prove who I am to Sally. He knows what I have as my tattoo, so it would be a clear indication that I'm not lying.

But I decide to joke with them a bit before finding out how to get a clear picture of the tattoo on my side.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: want bikini pics of me too ash??? what's next-- my titties??????? VIOLETVIOLENCE: oh sorry, i mean my zesty, voluptuous mommy milkers???????????

LARBEARAWR: please LARBEARAWR: god, please

ASHYPOO &lt;3: I mean... will you be upset if I agree with Lar?

T0DDLES12: I'm down for Vi's breasts. Can I get hands in the chat?

A true, genuine laugh reverberates through my room. It takes a moment for me to realize that I'm the one who did it-- fuck, I love my friends.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: one sec

I move to lift Larry's hoodie over my head. I'll have to move my shirt too since the tattoo is right on my bra line. Sometimes I regret getting it in such a hard to reach place.

My phone suddenly blows up with notifications and I nearly drop it onto the ground at my feet. I flinch back, looking down at my phone with furrowed brows and wide eyes.

LARBEARAWR: WUT???? LARBEARAWR: TITTIES??? MILKERS???? LARBEARAWR: B-B-B-BREASTS???? LARBEARAWR: UR SENDING THEM VI????

T0DDLES12: ^^^ Really? I thought we were only joking around. Let me prepare. I'll pull Neil in for this one.

ASHYPOO &lt;3: Woah, holy hell-- Vi's sweet, juicy titties? I've been waiting for this day my entire life.  ASHYPOO <3: Let me get my camera ready-- screenshots just won't do. This is going in a picture book. I'm making an album just for your titties. Dedicated to the one and only VioletViolence. 

Oh, fuck. Seems I didn't specify what I meant. 

VIOLETVIOLENCE: NO VIOLETVIOLENCE: sorry, i did NOT mean titties. just sending my tat.

LARBEARAWR: :( LARBEARAWR: ook but can we get titty pics 2??????

VIOLETVIOLENCE: maybe. VIOLETVIOLENCE: for you ;)

I love this banter with Larry-- he's such a funny guy. I enjoy talking with him, Todd, and Ash. And speaking of which, Sally's been pretty quiet.

LARBEARAWR: O_O LARBEARAWR: r we flirting????? is that what this is???? LARBEARAWR: omg vi *bites lip* r u trna smash? me????

I snicker, ignoring the messages and maneuvering my body and phone around to try and get a clear picture of my tattoo. Minutes pass though and I find myself growing frustrated over the fact that I cannot get a good picture of it for the life of me. No matter what.

I set my phone down again, getting some major deja vu over the fact that I have to do this again. My brain is on overdrive as I throw my worries to the wind and just lift my shirt and bra strap, a photo being taken as the timer counts down on my phone.

When I pull my phone close to my face to inspect the picture, I wince and shut the device off for a second. My "fuck it" moment was a little too much. There's a good bit of underboob in that photo and I don't think I can send it.

My phone vibrates with another notification, so I carefully glance back at it. I haven't even sent the photo and I feel embarrassed by it.

ASHYPOO &lt;3: Tit jokes aside, you really are beautiful, Vi. Inside and out! Never forget it, mi corazón <33333

That makes me warm up a bit and a smile works its way onto my lips again. Damn, Ash. She always knows what to say to make me feel better.

Suddenly, sending the photo doesn't feel as terrible to me. Sure, it still makes me nervous because I'm showing off so much skin, including skin that not a single person has ever seen-- aside from past boyfriends. It feels scary, but I know I can trust my friends and they'll even hype me up over it.

So I send another message before linking the photo.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: omg <3333 ash, don't talk to me in other languages i will melt over you. but seriously, thank you so much. i love you

I quickly send the photo before I can think too hard about it.

Anxious and debating on deleting it as soon as the picture goes through, I send more messages in a panic. I feel the need to pull at the roots of my hair, chew on my lips, crack my knuckles-- all of my nervous habits. My skin is burning hot and my legs won't stop moving.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: undertitties VIOLETVIOLENCE: fuck this scares me ngl VIOLETVIOLENCE: never sent half-titty pics before in my life VIOLETVIOLENCE: #tittypicvirgin

My friends are quick to reply now, filling my endlessly frantic brain with love.

LARBEARAWR: FUCK YES TITTIES LARBEARAWR: rlly tho, ur tat is super nice. titties too. hair is pretty and fluffy and i wanna run my fingers through it like ur a fairy r smthn

ASHYPOO &lt;3: GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! ASHYPOO <3: Awe, my baby's first titty pic <3 look at you growing up!

T0DDLES12: Voluptuous breasts, indeed. I love the meaning behind your tattoo. I wonder what it means to the band.

What did I ever do to deserve such amazing friends? Never did I think I'd have anyone care for me and support me so dearly, yet here are three. Three people who have been here for me since we were kids. And they still haven't left my side.

Their sweet words make a beaming smile form on my face and it's the sole reason behind my achy cheeks, but it's so worth it.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: guys :,) you're so sweet. thank you for all of this

ASHYPOO &lt;3: Stahppp! There's no need to thank us, we're just telling the truth.

LARBEARAWR: word LARBEARAWR: where's sal btw? ur missing tits bro LARBEARAWR: r u wanking off to vi's pic in ur hoodie r smthng

Oh, shit. My eyes widen as I stare at Larry's message in shock. I can't believe he said that. But I'm also really happy that he did say it. This puts the heat on Sally and gives me something to cackle over.

Like he hasn't been gone for the past five or so minutes, Sally's username pops up in the chat.

SALLYFʌCɛ: eat shit, larry.

My cackling starts immediately. I thought it'd be something I'd do in the dead of night as I wait for sleep to take me, but it's come early. All because it is painfully obvious that Sally's message is guilty denial.

At least, I hope.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: it's okay to be honest, sally. masturbation is healthy!

His response is immediate again. He's been close to his phone.

SALLYFʌCɛ: i'm not even joking right now, i fucking hate you violetfucking whoever you are. 

VIOLETVIOLENCE: awe but i totally wore your hoodie so you'd fall in love with me :(

This feels so good. I wanted a reaction and I'm getting it. Sally's messages fill me with adrenaline. I can practically feel my blood rushing through my veins. I can smell the anger in his text. I can taste his rage from all the way across the United Sates. It feels so incredibly invigorating.

SALLYFʌCɛ: choke on my damn dick.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: is that a threat or a promise? i have a pretty resilient throat. no gagging.

I send a thumbs up and lose it on my bedroom floor. I roll onto my back, laughing so hard that tears spill from the corners of my eyes. I find that with every single day of being close to The Faces, I feel so much better. I feel too good even if Sally's a dick. I feel so damn good that I trick myself into thinking that I'd be okay without my antidepressants. That's dangerous.

The chat is silent and I feel like I'm on top of the world. That's a clear win for me.

SALLYFʌCɛ has left the channel.

Oh, well, shit. I didn't exactly mean for that to happen.

---------

A/N::::: heheheheheheh i hope this is an enjoyable chapter <333 

it was kinda hard to get out. im such a huge fan of scenes with sal so i have to remind myself to be patient with these boring parts! i kinda hate the middle of this chapter, but i hope you guys like it!

i've been busy between caring for my cat (he is well!), doing school work, battling tummy sickness, and my allergies. but i'm working my hardest to fulfill my promises to you guys! next is maybe today! 

when do you guys think sal and y/n will finally meet again since she isn't going to vegas? i'd love to hear your thoughts :3

as always, i love you all with my entire heart! sleep well/have a wonderful day! you complete my life <3333

[rollercoasterwords]

(this is from marxismlupinism btw just sending an anon cause still shadowbanned + dont want my r/s blog tied to my main blog anyway)

lmao if only my followers were your followers literally idk why my anons r so mad im just stating the established party line of the blog they chose to follow...

literally every online community ive been in youve been able to say you think the community has XYZ problem and people could discuss the problem and suggest solutions honestly baffling that peoples response to someone saying the hp fandom is transphobic is to go "no it's not" instead of, idk, either trying to make it less transphobic if you think it's salvageable or leaving it if you think it's unsalvageable. the only communities ik that would respond to an accusation of transphobia w denial rather than taking trans people's concerns seriously are, well, actually overtly explicitly transphobic communities lol... and the people claiming they "engage critically" are very clearly not if their response to criticism of the hp fandom is to be defensive—if you engage critically with something that means taking seriously good faith criticism of the thing you engage critically with. like i "engaged critically" w hp/rs for the past 2.5 years and i have never ever gotten defensive at someone criticising hp or its fandom (esp since like... almost all the people criticising hp or its fandom are trans and im not gonna go harass another trans person for being understandably upset at ppl engaging w transphobic media lol).

hp fans (including tme trans hp fans—and, btw, we're well aware there are some transmasculine hp fans, the rest of the trans community just think they suck and are losers lol and i can't imagine that the transmasc hp fans aren't aware of this fact unless they just dont interact w other trans people outside the hp fandom at all) will criticise hp and jkr while believing that the hp fandom itself is above criticism. this does the dual work of distancing themselves from harry potter/jkr, which even they cannot defend/pretend is not bad, while also absolving themselves of all responsibility for any transphobia & transmisogyny they perpetuate or engage in. it's honestly a deeply immature way of engaging with media as well as one that logically falls apart under any scrutiny—firstly, if you accept that hp and its author are deeply bigoted, isn't it just logical that its fanbase would share the politics of the source media? secondly, this is just empirically false lol. there didnt always used to be basically no trans women in the hp fandom—i myself used to be friends with several back in the old days—but most transfems left the fandom in 2020–2021 bc of jkr's increasing transmisogyny. and speak to any of the transfems who did leave at that time and they can tell you their firsthand experiences. like, i really dunno how you can claim the hp fandom isnt transmisogynistic without just outright saying that you think most trans women are crazy and making shit up when they say they dont want anything to do with hp or its fans.

anyway ill stop writing essays in ur inbox now rae xoxo love ya have a nice day!

hi laura <3 yeah truly i think it is so weird that someone would choose 2 follow a blog on tumblr.com which clearly states "i don't like hp/hp fandom" and then get mad when that blog makes a post saying. "i don't like hp/hp fandom." babe why r u at the criticizing hp fandom store if u don't want hp fandom criticism....

and yeah i've talked before on my blog abt how like. i do not think we can "separate" fandom from jkr + the inherent shittiness of hp + my personal stance is that i think if u are engaging with hp fandom in 2023 u should at least be prepared to acknowledge + address the fact that u are engaging w a fundamentally conservative piece of media that is rooted in horrible politics, bc if u don't fully understand how jkr's politics are steeped throughout the franchise then it is much more likely that u will just be. absorbing + perpetuating them.

i think something that gets left out of a lot of conversations abt jkr even when discussing how shitty she is within hp fandom is the fact that like. yeah she's broadly transphobic, but she is specifically transmisogynistic, and the politics + policies she endorses are most targeted + harmful towards trans women. in my personal experience thus far in hp fandom i've encountered a lot of tme trans people, and i think there can be this tendency to go "well i'm trans and i know so many trans people who have carved out a space in this fandom that is super affirming + positive for ourselves, so obviously there is no transphobia here" and like. bc of the strong emotional connection to what people view as a safe queer space it can feel like an attack or whatever when someone goes "ok but. have u considered transmisogyny." or just whenever someone is like. rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp--but like. tbh as tme trans people i just think it's more important to recognize that many other trans people (and especially tma trans people) have a reason for being rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp and even if it hurts ur feelings it's more important to actually think about where that critique is coming from then to get upset bc u feel like it wasn't phrased nicely. at the end of the day just bc a space feels safe 2 u does not mean it is going 2 feel safe 2 everyone!!

[whore-tm]

1) i swear i thought i was following this blog already😭?? 2) ok so im going to detract a little more the skam austin context bc frankly i don't rmbr much BUT i feel like the point zoya/the writers were trying to touch on was .

Well let's use makeup as an example: if we were to say 'everybody wear whatever makes you comfortable because ur doing it for urself!!!' (not a bad statement! i (largely) agree w it!) it would certainly empower some people make them comfortable when going out, like some people would feel like they were able to stop feeling like they had to wear make up at all, others would feel very confident to do rlly detailed looks in public, and another group would continue to wear make up all the time bc they don't feel comfortable in their own skin.

The problem w the 'everybody wear what You want!!' statement comes when some people from the large group refuse to acknowledge that the reason they feel like they have to wear makeup all the time is because society made them feel inferior without it specifically because the current society (heavily influenced by the patriarchy blah blah) decided women look better with fuller lips, their eyes look bigger/more attractive with eyeliner, red rosy cheeks makes them look younger etcetc you get the idea. SO basically lots of women for centuries did this to look beautiful which attracted men and yadda yadda ..........

SO BASICALLY in my opinion zoya's comment implying that the lipstick AustinNoora wore, the tight clothes she wore etc all may have been worn w the Intention of 'i’m doing this for myself! bc i feel good! not for men!' but that AustinNoora failed to recognize lipstick is popular for women bc they look more attractive to men bc it draws attention to the lips, tight clothes are attractive to men bc it shows off the body and leaves men wanting more/leaves them something to think abt etcetc....

w the comment of 'you Should wear loose clothes' etc i feel like zoya was saying 'if you really believed in the feminism you preach, you would recognize that some things women conventionally wear like make up did originate for the male gaze' not that she was actually telling her to dress a certain way...

SO ALL IN ALL my thoughts is wear whatever obviously but kinda do it consciously yk. like am i wearing makeup bc i like how it looks on me or am i wearing it bc i know men will flirt w me and i like when i have their attention (wearing makeup on a night out to get attention from men [assuming ur straight] isn't necessarily the problem, but if your Primary intention is that, regardless of whether or not you like the way u look in make up... that's a problem !)

IDK! if that made the most sense but that's my take on it ??? Also SOOOO sorry if i overexplained something u already knew 😭😭😭 i usually explain things to my younger siblings so i have to make sure to include even little details bc they don't know it LOL. this obviously isn't The Right Opinion but it's my read on what zoya was trying to say informed by my opinion.

(ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG😭😭😭😭😭)

sfkjdslfjs dont worry!!!! all good!!! it's just a sideblog lmao

no no thank you actually for going into detail on this. that makes a lot of sense and i think i just didn't think the one step further but you explained it really well! i guess i was just thrown off by Zoya's wording cos it was just a bit... drastic lmao. "wear whatever obviously but kinda do it consciously" yeah she's asking whether AustinNoora actually does it for herself and not unconsciously does it for men.... that's obviously an important question

thank u for explaining 🧡🧡

[mejomonster]

Huai Dao: chapter 5. An Yuning has 2 fathers. Chief Mo and Professor An

1 oh i wonder if thats a particular trait template priest thought would be fun to use again (Chief Zhao and Professor Shen as makeshift parents of SID)

2 i always very much appreciate when people of different sexualities are sprinkled in novels. Priest did that in the stories ive read so far. In Modu it was especially nice because well how to say it - in some danmei (and bl and gl and queer novels period) there is the decision to avoid How sexuality and experiencing it in our own Biased society affects our personality and relationship To society.

Think 2Gether thai bl (where sexuality barely factors in regard to value of politics or rights or fears) versus thai bl like Not Me (political activism is tied to human rights the leads have intimate concern with and loved ones friends family lovers affected by) or The Eclipse (where lgbt cafes and mentors are santuaries and the default in the conservative school is to Closet out of fear of danger/punishment/isolation and how the queer kids are more likely to overlap with the schools protestors in part because their identity already makes it Critical they improve their world since they lose more by closeting and remain at risk if the status quo goes unchanged).

Well in modu, luo wenzhou's sexuality actually influences superiors views of him, he lives in a world where his sexuality prevents him from easy dating like Tao Ran or trying to start a family when he does crave that, makes supervisors view him differently and requires he rely on his status as a person with family connections to avoid consequences of discrimination, means how he understands fei dus sexuality and his own biases about fei du being bisexual not gay like him but Also them both being Playboys and therefore luo wenzhou able to empathize with why someone might handle their life that way. Its all shaped by luo wenzhou being gay in a society Like ours. The politics of his existence being treated certain ways by society and therefore Shaping him are present. Its both acknowledged he has a sexuality (gay rather than With an Exception like some old school bl) and also that it influences his relationship to the world (being gay Does affect him socially politically and in relating to other people like straight colleagues vs queer ones) in a way NOT all romance bl care to touch on. Which i understand - romance is an escape or you want it to be an escape sometimes, want to have a story where someone gay isnt treated differently by straight people and isnt isolated by their difference in experience and straight people magically fully relate with zero difficulty or adjustment or consideration to How it is different (including things like universes with gay marriage already and gay majorities in story unlike real life so the straight characters have no commentary to even make regarding a difference in experiejce because discrimination does not exist in this escapism romance or its not something u want to focus on).

Well i like when stories do mention it though, for my preference in enjoying stories, most of the time. Because my life just wasnt like a straight persons. I had fears admitting my first crush, ignorance in figuring out what i even felt, terror at who found out what i figured out about myself, accepting if what i felt could be embraced and why and how much, realizing what id have to do to help myself and people like me to be safe... things some straight people just did not experience (some did! Many kinds of relationship types and people), at least not straight cis people who fit the Hallmark expectation of Ideal romance in how it should work. I dont relate to a character who just never has considered even a little some yhings ive had to be aware of freuqently and navigate. So i appreciate when a story does touch on it, even if its not the focus.

Shout out to In The Dark for this btw. I mean im only 1/6 through the story. But while its mentioned some sexualities realistically how they might actyally get brought up in a workplace, the writing also mentioned overweight women as beautiful. Which i have not run into happening before in like Any other danmei i read or bl i watched (except Maybe not me with Gram flirting with his ex). Also shout out to In The Dark and Huai Dao for having some characters from out of country (fuck it Modu too) which isnt like hyper important, but it does create a sense that these stories take place in a realistic kind of world. Where people do travel, where lives may be lived in more than one area, where you often run into people from other areas eventually who dont have the same one to one frame of the world.

[wegonbealright-09]

ur very much a hater lmao 😭. and last anon was right, yoongi was the one who said the bb hot 100 thing, jk has neverrr said anything about his goals on that chart, even as a group, only celebrated their success after the fact, so not sure where you're getting this "sudden obsession" from. as a matter of fact, jimin has talked more ab his goals for bb than him. and he should ! theres nothing wrong with explicitly stating your goals especially when you make fire ass music that deserves to be number one, its called manifestation and putting their wants into the world. your issue is that you see the 10% of the member's lives that they choose to show us and come up with these narratives to feed your own delusions about how you feel about them and their personalities. bitter ab yoongi going on tour like it has anything to do with his enlistment ? HUH 😭😭? 2+2= fish in your head too ig. and you saying joon being bitter bc he wants to be acknowledged for the work he does... ??? see im typing this out and its just not making sense. he's always done that before they even got instagram, AS HE SHOULD because it's HIS work and if he wants to make a post ab writing some lyrics then he can and you saying he's bitter for doing that is extremely odd. as for tae, be fucking fr lol. u sound like the type to get mad if a member didnt make a happy birthday post like they dont have each others literal phone numbers and addresses. and tae did support jimin's solo songs multiple times on weverse, but you ignore that bc it doesnt fit your narrative. get out your mind, take a walk outside, and come to the realization that you dont know these people and making up these negative narratives ab their personalities is oddball behaviour to say the least. and lastly, joon and suga have nothing to be bitter about. theyre part of the biggest group in the world. their albums are critically acclaimed. this second chapter of bts has brought out the worst in people like you because you constantly try to make it a competition between the members, and theyre not letting you do that bc they actually support each other and congratulate each other in their accomplishments, whether they post it online for fans to see or not. at the end of the day bts trumps all, which is what all 7 members have said and have been saying🤷🏾‍♀️and people like you are just gonna have to suck it up or unstan bc the negativity and d! ck measuring contests are not it and goes against anything bts have ever said about each other.

Anon I should let you write my history essays you know, :⁠-⁠)

Me a hater? Excuse me?

You anon you are the type that goes to posts about jimin stans and qrt " jimin would hate y'all, he's die for his members and put you on fire" every time they trust to address the injustice but okay.

Jk has talked about the billboard he's not even manifesting he knows it it'll lend on his lap because scooter has made sure if that. That man doesn't even shit about his upcoming album he doesn't know shit he's just going to accept it and move on like he did with seven. And lmfao. I'm not obsessed with jk, I've had this blog for such a long time but i didn't post anything I only followed people and interacted in post you can click to see which posts I've liked and who do I follow. But anon I got tired of everyone here acting ignorant like they don't see what's going on, like " yhea we've got some jikook crumbs let's not address the payola and fraud that is going on". I'm not obsessed far from it, this dude lately just pops up in feed and annoys the fuvk out of me, something he's never did before. And also jk is chart obsessed lately even some of his fans can see you don't fine by me.

Jimin never talked about his BB goals like what do you mean. That man wanted to release face as a free album on sound cloud because he felt like this is his story and he wants fans, and everyone to be able to hear it and relate and see the world from his point of view, so you tell me anon you tell me. Jimin didn't even think that like crazy was going to number on he was impressed with how well smf pt2 did because guess what he didn't expect that as well. So idk what you tryna say anon.

I agree I don't know what's going on with their lives. I didn't say I'm telling the truth here or some like that my posts are based on my opinions and observations. If me not agreeing with what most of y'all think is being called delusional girl I've been delulu i still think jimin is going to release and album with Bruno Mars as a featured artist or him and Bruno are going to pay homage to MJ someday so yhea I am delulu.

Birthdays are no big deals I myself I don't celebrate my own birthday and just like jimin I give zero fucks about my birthday. Okay anon I admit I was wrong it's okay for ones best friend to not congratulate him on social media platforms when he had just did the impossible and made history and decides to do so privately only when it comes to them, it's totally okay.

I'm not even going to talk about yoongi and Joon because this I've said what I've said. I'm not backtracking you can go throw yourself off a cliff idc

I thought you said everyone's entitled to their own opinion but now that I'm expressing mine I must touch some grass and take a walk. How about you snap back to reality huh? As I've said if when you see BTS you see rainbows sunshine's and clouds that's okay but I don't and I'm not tryna force my opinions on people I'm just saying what I think and feel and I might be wrong idc it's just how I feel.

Anon I'm not laughing I swear. You know I'm not a hater I've said that in the second chapter there's been a shift in the group's energy and I'm standing on that. Your last sentences wooo anon you're the one to say what I'm doing goes against what bts have said to each other. So is what's jk is going with the fraud and payola but I don't see you ranting and calling him out, he's going against everything that BTS has ever believed in, the legacy they've created, the image they've built. For what? A few records that some western artist is going to break again with more payola than him. If you look as scooters old interviews about Gangnam Style and all. Jk is just a puppet to his show, he hates jimin more than he's ever did because he has a break through in the western market as soloist without his help, he sis what he could do with Gangnam even after all that promotion on his own with little to no promotion

But hey this is just my opinion I don't want to sound" obsessed" so this is the last time I'm talking about jk.

Anon neither you know what's going on behind closed doors but if you like to act ignorant fine by me my opinion and yours are different anyway thank you for visiting my blog and having the nerve to tell me to touch some grass on my own blog smh

[coyotevallie]

I want to thank you and your account for helping me understand better how to respect bigender people 💙 even if it's hard to say what you really want to without getting into discourse parameters, the things you have said has really helped me a lot with understanding my friend's and community

awww this is so sweet thank you so much!! i really appreciate that, im glad its helpful to you (: yeah its tricky because its hard to phrase things that will make sense without using discourse buzzwords like i kind of fell into doing a little in that post which i think muddled my messaging but genuinely like . i hope you dont mind me taking this opportunity to talk a little bit, hopefully its also illuminating for how to engage with people haha? but i think restructuring your understanding of gender to encompass the fact that some people are men And Something Else (same for women/nonbinary ppl of course but honestly that seems to be way less of a problem? which i have a lot of thoughts on and im writing a poem abt it but my analysis of manhood in queer communities isnt relevant here lol) goes a huge way in being able to like . interact w multigender people in a more nuanced fashion . and like not just Acknowledging that thats a thing that is true but really thinking about what the implications of simply the idea that a man can also be a woman might have on other ways you behave or other beliefs you hold goes a really long way . because so much of our society even (and sometimes especially) in queer communities tends to pit "man" and "woman" as complete opposites of each other that do not overlap - you can even see this in perfectly well intentioned progressive illustrations of the gender spectrum that intend to illustrate the breadth of nonbinary experiences, where they'll still set man and woman as two opposite points of said spectrum that do not overlap . and i genuinely just think like . i think a lot of people Intellectually understand that bigender people and pangender people and genderfluid people and all a manner of other multigender people who can be both men and women, often at the same time, do in fact exist - but they kind of like . dont really take that understanding and reflect it onto other beliefs that they hold and on other understandings of labels and definitions and what have u (tbh i dont think the queer community should Have universal definitions anyway and implementing this would delete like 60% of discourse from the community as a whole and 80% of lesbian discourse specifically but i digress) to see if they contradict and how u might wanna reorganize ur thinking to be more inclusive and whether that thinking is really useful in a real world context anyway . which is why i think ive seen a lot of people in the tags be like yeah okay this is really eye opening im going to consider this which i appreciate (: idk this turned into rambling but i think thats the crux of what i was trying to convey in that post

[abimee]

I love that u brought up bugs. I adore Hermes because I'm studying entomology and I cannot tell you the number of times I've had to listen to someone talk about how they hate bugs or how "it's fine! They don't really feel pain" or hoping for the extinction of certain bugs... I just loved Hermes' innate love of everything in nature, regardless of if it had a use or purpose - to people, or in its ecosystem- or not. It's how I feel about my bugs. I don't care if they're hated by most or don't seem to contribute anything important (I hate that concept btw, not everything is supposed to be exist for the purposes of humans! I'm not advocating for like, letting houses be filled with pest insects, but yk), they exist on Earth and should be respected. Sorry this is out of the blue probably but yeah I completely agree with ur comments about him.

NO YOU GET IT THOUGH. i do enjoy that hermes is related to birds because i can go on about how much people disrespect birds in all sorts of ways including in the pet bird world, the birdwatching world, and in the literal sense of birds in the wild and humans relationships with them but bugs work so well for hermes because they are a perfectly irl example of exactly what he means. how ready and easily its acceptable for people to just live ignorant to the way of bugs and their role in life, and even if they are without a role deemed as ''useful'' by us they are still an existence upon this earth that eats and breathes and lives and dies. how easily we come to kill harmless spiders taking up residence in our house when theyve done nothing at all, how quick people are to be disgusted by maggots and cockroaches and flies and mosquitos and the likes.

and im like, always so mad that even people who LIKE hermes entirely refuses to acknowledge this facet of his character. like (AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON AS WELL) i think people entirely jumping over the main part of hermes' character (his love and affection for all animals including the ones deemed worthless/scary/stupid/''not alive'') and to go directly to that one piece of dialogue about him ''struggling to socializae'' and being like omg autism dad hermes!!! makes my teeth clench. because i think this also falls into the hole of making meteion seem human just because she looks the part; people humanize meteion, and therefore are able to seperate her from the other concepts hermes cares about just as much, to detach from the fact that meteion is ''an animal'' (concept = animal here) and not a little girl, and that hermes LOVES HER and RESPECTS HER not ''in spite of who she is'' but for what she is !!! meteion is not his daughter in the sense of a human child to a human father, she is his daughter in the sense of how i call my pet budgerigars my daughter; they are animals who rely on me and whos health and happiness is reliant on my care for them, and in return i get to see their vibrant personalities and relationship with my blossom, and that is not any lesser than any other daughter / father relationship one can have with anything else

but people dont WANT that! they dont want to accept that hermes is ''that animal guy'' who would probably think spiders make art and that bees can feel love (they can!!), they wanna ignore that hes the ''weird animal guy'' and attempt to find some other thing about him that they can relate to, so they ignore a huge part of his lore and skip straight to ''he struggles to socialize just like me! hes a cute sociallyt awkward malewife/dad!" because a lot of peoples media intake involves the needing to feel like they can project onto that character or that they are the same, and they wanna ignore that hermes is challenging their own biases and ideas on these animals. AND IT REALLY SHOWS when staunch ''anti hermes'' people start talking about him too, you can hear how they see meteion as not even an animal but a ''thing'', a worthless ''thing'' that is lesser than the amaurotines. and like idgaf if people hc hermes as autistic or relate to his depression, what agitates me is people skipping over the meat of his character and dumbing him down to ''quiet bird dad to cute bird girl'' and not ''deeply depressed man who is tortured seeing how his fellow amaurotines treat these animals that he respects and cares for, and how this also applies to how they treat him and his emotions'' (EMET SELCH AND HYTHLODAEUS), all because THEY cant empathise with his love for the ''lesser'' creatures, the bugs and insects theyll gladly kill or stomp out purely for existing close to them. and ough that tales of avdenture about hermes and meteion and how he feels tortured himself using the meteias as a tool for his own research and how conflicted he is about it and how that can relate to the confliction of wanting to give captive birds/mill birds loving homes while knowing youre engaging in the system that still allows them to be sold to unknowing little kids and milled out like nuts

anyway that was a lot sorry anon. i just have a lot of emotions about hermes and bugs really help me example that but i hope what im saying is gotten across. feel this shouldnt be surprising considering my azem is heabily insect-based and her transformation is basically a huge wet maggot with fly wings and erdicating hairs and all the characteristics seen as ''ugly'' in bugs. and i like thinking about her and hermes bondind together over the bug thing

[officehrs]

dont you think youre being too harsh by saying he should be able to communicate with you since he’s an adult? your confession could have hurt his image considering how much time he has alloted to you,, what went from fatherly love is now pity, did you really think coming clean about your feelings would repair what was already broken. you are a kid, you are his student,, you need to know your place. your increasing attachment to him made you lose sight of what was important about the bond you shared

again thanks anon for the questions,, idk if u are the same person or a different one but either way i do really appreciate it!! it makes me think much more critically of how i perceive our relationship and everything that has happened in its course ,, with that being said, this will certainly be a longer post than usual, just so im able to explain everything.

i highly encourage all of you read this — i explain why i sort of hate him now, how i confessed, how he has changed, and why our relationship cant work anymore.

i should clarify that in my other post, i said “he should be able to communicate since he's an adult” not as something i believe now, but something i believed at the worst of our relationship some weeks ago. though this is an idea that subconsciously lingers (because i believed it so intensely!!), since then, i have experienced events in my personal life that have required me to “grow up,” even more, contrary to what i might project here. to believe he has inherent malicious intent or inherent insensitivity in everything he does surrounding me is completely at odds with how i see humanity as a whole. it wasnt and isnt justified, but i was really just desperate to see that immediate reparation of our relationship like you described, and to me it wouldve been, ideally, this sudden blooming and everything being good between us again. but this is impossible, and i wish i could have warned my earlier self of that much more!! he has experienced things that have changed him since last year and i have experienced things that have changed me also. this is something im trying to accept now.

though i was very childish in my reasoning for choosing to confess, i didnt do it without thinking. for that reason, i fight back more strongly against the idea that my confession could have hurt his image in any way. i loved him and i was extremely saddened by him when i wrote what i did, but i did not want to hurt him so inconsiderately, costing his job or reputation for something that (as i wrote, and as u acknowledge) was literally my fault — that being, my attachment to him 😬 so, i did everything in my power to ensure that this would be private and really only painful for myself. its not easy to confess, i promise!! but anyway, i dont remember if i shared this detail (like my other post), but the confession itself was in the form of a letter, sealed by an envelope that i gave to him directly with no one else around. the contents were, then, completely discreet. as for the confession itself, i shared very sensitive and specific information (like being gender non-conforming and the name i go by, which ive never told anyone, and more details about not having emotionally present parents). this essentially means that the only way the confession could hurt his image is if he told someone about its contents, or anything about it at all, which would be an egregious act on his part — he would be the only method of damaging his image, and in fact, he already has throughout the year!! his students tend to feel that he unfairly treats them, and find him pretty stubborn and unlikable. people loved him a lot more last year when he was more free and caring, including me jsladksjks

but dont be mistaken, anon,, you undeniably speak truth in other things said, and im grateful that you can derive that fundamental truth from what i post here, which i unfortunately have to manipulate (in minor ways) in order to protect myself and r, and really everyone. one thing i absolutely enjoy is how you articulated the change in our relationship ("fatherly love to pity") because its very brief, yet applicable in its entirety; in all its implications. although its a bit painful to see him see ME as this sad character who never experiences joy, its for all the wrong reasons. honestly, in my last post i lied — he didnt feel guilty for treating me like garbage, but he felt guilty for recommending me things to do during this time, which i expressed in the confession and after is NOT the problem. this misunderstanding is something that cant be fixed, though. his ideological change prevents him from seeing the reality of the situation the way i see it, because he would have to change the way he sees reality as a whole; if this happened a year ago, he would not pity me at all. i know this sounds very wrongfully confident, but it is true. people complain about him now, and i dont enjoy his presence anymore because he believes in things that oppose the lives of his students. my confession was then even more immature because i thought, basically “i could fix him” 😵‍💫

in this, you are right anon: i am just a kid. i have proven it time and time again in this post alone!! but, you must understand: i am NOT his student, and i havent been this entire year. when we talked monday, 5/16/22 (the same day i cited in my last post) he also said that in many ways, he is not my teacher. in academic terms, i am not his student — i am an assistant to him who helps the people he actually, actively teaches. in attachment terms, i have horribly turned him into a replacement of my father. and in occupational terms, i have surpassed him intellectually in the subject he used to “privately teach” me about, and therefore, he cant really teach me anymore. when i say privately teach, i mean he would tell me things and give me books to read about the subjects we both had interest in (philosophy, and the social sciences), when i would see him after school. but, because he knew very little about both, i quickly became much more knowing of both areas than he is with what he gave me and my own private study. of course, he knows way more about the subjects he formally teaches (film and lit) than i do, but these i am not really interested in, so he could not teach me unless the material is stuff that im not passionate about. there's more, but i dont want to sound like im bragging, and im sure im not making this any clearer ,,, anyway, overall, i agree with you; though im not his student, i need to know my place. and again, this is something i have been trying to reinforce to myself.

i wanted to add a transition to this by saying the last thing brought up is something that i should clarify, but it cant be clarified because i havent ever said it. nevertheless, let it be known that my increasing attachment to him — at least as i perceive it — is not what made me “lose sight of what was important about the bond [we] shared.” i would argue, even, that i never lost sight of what was important about our relationship. but the issue is that his incompatible views of life (in my view) and his constant maltreatment of me and other people (like my best friend too, actually), have been fueling a decreasing attachment to him. really, my only attachment to him now is to how he made me feel and what he once was.

for the both of us, its best that we do not talk to each other anymore, and this is something i wrote in my confession. additionally, my confession has always served as my ultimate presentation of the truth about our relationship. to r, he was glad to be told the truth, and as he said it the day after i gave him the letter, he would rather know than not to know. to me, last year, i wanted to confess the same way on the day i would graduate, and i finally got to do it this year, although at a completely unplanned time. and with this, i conclude my response 🐇

im very sorry if this is incomprehensible — ive been writing this response for 3 hours now, and im extremely worn from it.. regardless, thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to explain,, please continue to do so by raising those questions (you or anyone else)!!

[gweb-is-dead]

MADAME WEB BRAINROT - MOVIE ANALYSIS (SPOILERZZ!!!!)

HIHI QWELKOM I WANNA ANALYSE THE NEW MADAME WEB MOVIE (SPECIFICALLY THE CHARACTERS)

BTW THIS DOZ HAV SPOILERS SO PLZ CLICK OFF IF U DONT WANT ANY!!!!

i feel like the movie was rated really harshly, with like, a 13% something or whatever enjoyment rate

first off, the quality wasnt ACTUALLY that rubbish. lemme explain;of course, the fight scenes were kind of garbag, and all the camera angles during those scenes made people dizzy and ajegfdbjhersgfde... but i think for like, general scenes, the camera angles and shot types were actually pretty good choices, especially in the first half of the movie.

MC/MW/CW - CHARACTER ANALYSIS

i got really FUCKING angry at how BITCHY Cassey Web was (MC) and i just kept thinking to myself, HOW IN THE LIVING SHIT WAS BEN FRIENDS WITH HER. But although she was such a fucking WHORE her character development was actually amazing and the way she changed was so effective the way it was implemented. sure, she was angry at scenes and didn't do that well under pressure, but every human has flaws, right? she also learnt to appreciate things like her mother, who she HATED all her life, and the 3 kids sHE MANAGED TO ILLEGALLY ADOPT. her growth as a character was actually fascinating, seeing how someone could change throughout their journey.

JC+MF+AC - CHARACTER ANALYSIS

okay so, Mattie was a BITTTTTCH. she was your stereotypical mean/cool girl, and she would always talk back and rebound off of what people say. i hate how she was picking on Julia, ffs girlie cant even catch a bREAK!!! she was kinda stubborn and really dense, always wanting to get her way and all. but towards the end Mattie starts to become nicer, or, if you'll put it, less harsh. Mattie also helps Julia embrace more of her confident side, like getting her to talk to this group of boys and even getting her to dance on the table to have fun. Julia was always that kinda shy girl, the kinda bookworm that has a teddy bear they sleep with but also knows taekwondo. she's always been a bit of a pushover, but atleast tries to stand up for herself. she's also the only one who really apologises for doing something wrong and really acknowledging what she's done. okay. Anya Corazón. she was actually my favourite out of the trio. her personality was very laidback and calm, and she's more of the type to go with whatever life gives her. she's not too opinionated and still has the heart to disagree with things, and her calm demeanour helps her to stay put and make desicions.

okay Ben doesnt get that much screentime but he's a G he carried

mr nice guy fr^^^^^^

the ideas were actually great, amazing, fantastic even, however, the screenplay/writing/layout of the way they decided to portray could've been improved by a longshot. although, there were inherently funny scenes that really made me laugh, and sprinkling in a bit of comedy is always great.

the line Santiago said; "When you take on the responsibility, great power will come."

ANALYSIS; this piece of dialogue could help to suggest that when you're ready to face the consequences and hardships of whatever, then you'll be able to power through and keep going.

one thing i'd like to suggest is that, for madame web, they should have cassey work on her powers and show her actually PRACTICING or WORKING on how to use them. that one scene where she just DISCOVERS she can manipulate herself to have her bodies in MULTIPLE places at once was so sudden and they could've given us evidence that she atleast practiced or that she ABSOLUTELY KNEW how to maneuver this technique.

overall, funny film. it wasnt downright dogshit, but its not the best of the best. i think it was rated too harshly, but thats just my opinion. <3

thank u guys for sticking here reading my shitty analysis <333