#but every time recently that I can think of where I've interacted with kids I really love talking to them and making things fun for them

[dragonsbluee]

So I've recently been re-reading TCF And chapter 196 is such an excellent example of how Cale interacts with the people around him, how he views himself and how they view him. This is also at the point in the novel where he hasn't really accepted that he is Cale now, not KRS, because he doesn't feel like he can.

So anyway, we start the chapter seeing the people of Rain City react to Cale's shield and they say something important!

"Won't he faint is he uses such a large shield? Why doesn't he just activate it when the northern bastards come?" "Can't you tell? He doesn't want to see us or the territory getting hurt at all."

At first, I thought this was just the regular drama of people reacting to Cale, but then Choi Han, the kids, and Ron tell him he's being ridiculous, and I realize the townsfolk are right.

The Wyvern Battle is only the 2nd or 3rd major battle Cale has been in so far but only as Cale. As KRS, he's done this before, and having read later chapters, we know Cale holds so much guilt over those battles and how he wanted to keep those he cared for away from it all but couldn't. After all, record only gives him information to guide them and make plans; he often couldn't physically protect them. How many times has he defended a shelter or teammates and wished he could have just covered them all with a shield instead of giving commands from the back? We know how guilty he feels over Choi Jung Soo and Lee Soo Hyuk's deaths.

He knows he doesn't have to keep it up, and he's the one who spreads a rumour that it's taking all of his energy, but he's already considering himself a "bad person" for taking military command and only giving orders. (except that's what it means to take military command?) There is absolutely another motive for keeping the shield around the city. Cale wants the opposing forces to view him as weakened, or he doesn't want people to think his power is as strong as it is. However, at the same time, he's absolutely protecting them because, just like the townsperson says, he doesn't want to see any of them get hurt by an attack he could have blocked.

Cale is doing what he can to undermine himself while claiming he's going to make everyone else the hero of this battle, but he won't drop the shield, which means no one can disregard or forget his involvement. It's not intentional! He's just literally made himself the first line of defense as a direct parallel to every time he was the last line as KRS. He wants to stay at the back, he does not plan to get involved unless he has to, but Cale won't let himself stay out of it. So the shield goes up and stays for multiple days.

Meanwhile, all Choi Han, Ron and the kids see is Cale surrounded by paperwork (because taking command of the entire Northeast is a lot of work), keeping a shield up that's known to make him cough up blood (they don't know about it getting stronger or the vitality of heart), and only sleeping 1 to 2 hours a night (thank you crybaby), so they assume it's a combination of work and concentration to keep the shield up. As usual, they're worried and frustrated at Cale's self-sacrificing tendencies.

We haven't even gotten to the actual battle yet, but this is such a great setup of how it's going to go and how the novel goes.

[crumpetz]

a little update on the progress of The Big Road Home

it has been so long since i made a post that i had to figure out what to click on all over again lol. this week it hit me that ppl follow me specifically for fic upates and it just slipped my mind that i could be saying more. i have, like, internet social anxiety, and just default to never saying anything most of the time.

anyway, i'm really happy to report that progress on the fic has really moved along recently. for anyone who doesn't know, i have long covid and the brain fog has really interfered with my writing process. i originally taught myself to write using a certain system where i kept a lot of things in my head at once, and since losing that ability, i've been relearning how to write in a way my current self can do. which especially has sucked for the fic and where it left off, because the part i stopped at was actually a huge group of scenes scattered through multiple otherwise completed chapters that i was saving for later (before i got long covid). because even in my peak condition with my brain capable of keeping all the details straight, those scenes were still so challenging and important to get right that i wanted to wait until i was feeling extra sharp lol. so yeah, i've been basically having to reread my entire fic over and over every time i wanna figure out how to add in like one small part of all the things i've gotta cover (and thanks to the brain fog, on average, i'm capable of thinking thru all that maybe three days out of every month if i'm lucky?)

so, all that rereading and getting the details and characters consistent finally has been paying off, because i reached the stage this past week where i could finally bring it all together. the final product is going to be less seamless than what i'd originally intended, but that's just a given now that my brain is different. and, full disclosure, the stuff that i'm talking about is exposition. which i think for most ppl reading my fic is more like information they just want to know and less something that needs to feel seamless in delivery, unlike character interactions and emotional arcs. so, the reality is that the exposition in the next handful of chapters is gonna be a little clunky, but the non-exposition stuff will all be like normal, with the same amount of care i usually work toward.

i don't want to assume when everything will be ready. final tweaks always take me longer than i'm expecting. but to put it into perspective, i spent the last 2-3 yrs (i forget how long it's been oh no) getting thru like 20 percent of what needed to be done. and then i just spent a few days last week getting through 60 percent. i'm gonna wait until the full set of chapters i'm working on is complete because i want to be able to post them without a long wait in between, and i want to take the time to really get the emotional beats right. but i guess if i had to say anything for sure, it would be that for the first time since i got long covid, i'm truly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for this fic.

my final note is that the next set of chapters isn't the end of The Big Road Home btw. i forget if i ever mentioned this, but from the start, The Big Road Home was going to be three main parts. the first part with jason and tim being street kids together, then this part we're in with tim living with the Wayne's is part 2. there's gonna be a whole 3rd part coming. idk how long it'll be, lol. it's the only part i haven't written a single word of because i've kind of been saving it as a treat.

thanks for your patience and encouragement all this time. as i said, i have pretty awful social anxiety on the internet and don't reply to ppl who reach out nearly as often as i want to. but every kind word or fanart or playlist or thoughtful comment on stuff you noticed etc etc has really carried me through the past few yrs. i can't tell you how many times i was spiraling, feeling like i might not be able to figure out how to write the next part with my current limitations, and one of you said something so lovely and encouraging, and i'd just suddenly have it in me to give it another try.

[loves0phelia]

Always Knew

Summery: ???

Words: 1,1k

Warnings: alcohol (barely)

A/N: this is my first ever fic, and English is not my first language so if I make any mistake please be nice and if someone sees this I would really appreciate receiving request xxx

The first time you saw Rafe Cameron you were 7 years old. It was the first time Sarah invited you over at TanneyHill a couple days after meeting you in her first grade class. 

Like normal girls, you and her went on a bike ride. You briefly remember Ward and Rose saying to not go far since dinner was almost ready. But the only memory that stuck in your mind was how he managed to make you feel better.

Unlike all your friends you still had trouble riding a bike without the training wheels. So when one of them caught a small pebble on the ground it went sideways. By now you were back in front of the Cameron house so when Rafe heard your cries, he along with his dad and stepmother rushed outside.

You were holding your knee in pain. the skin was scraped and your palms were bleeding. 

“Are you okay?” he had asked before kneeling in front of you while Sarah and the rest of the family watched the interaction. For a small second you almost forgot about your injuries as you looked into his bright blue eyes. 

“y-yeah” you wiped your tears and he looked you up and down and then to the small wheels on the bike.

“ I can teach you to ride a bike without those if you want one day” You nodded and he gave you a smile.

Even at 7 years old you knew you would love Rafe Cameron.

Since that incident you had seen him a handful of times. But the next memorable time was when you were 10. Rafe was celebrating his 13th birthday in the backyard of his house. Multiple kids were having fun in the pool and some were eating cake.You and Sarah along with some  were sitting next to the pool drinking lemonade and eating fruits enjoying the day like everyone else.

“Hey Sarah, do you want to play with us in the pool?” a 11 year old Topper asked. The boy always had a crush on her.

“Sure! Want to come with us y/n?” she asked sweetly but you politely refused before continuing sipping on your cold drink.

After a couple minutes some of the kids (who you think were Rafe’s friends) approached you.

“Don't you want to come in the pool with everyone” he asked judgmentally but once 

again you decline seeing no problem in staying out of the water.

“Come on!” he tugged on your arm forcefully, leaving a small bruise and dragged you towards the pool. You trashed and tried to break free but just as the boy was about to push you in, Rafe grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him to the ground.

“She doesn't want to go in the pool, idiot!” He screamed, immediately alarming the adults who were having a great time.

“What's going on Rafe?” Ward came to the scene noticing the frighten boy on the ground and Rafe above him.

“He was trying to push Y/N in!” he said and his dad looked at you for confirmation, making you nod.

After that day, it felt like Rafe was always near when you needed him.

At 18 when all your friends were talking about their recent hookups you hadn't even held hands with someone. You were desperate to find someone, to share your first kiss. But It felt like nobody was good enough.

“what's going on in this pretty head of yours?” Your head snapped to the side when you heard his voice. You were sitting outside holding an unfinished beer outside the party where you felt you didn't belong.

“nothing, just felt overwhelmed inside” you shake my head and look down at your feet.

“Come on, y/n i know you. I know there's more than that” he said and gave you a light push with his elbow.

“I feel like I'm missing out, everyone I know has kissed or hooked up with someone and I've never even held hands with a guy. Sarah had Topper and now John B. Sabrina has kissed probably every girl on this island, Kelce always has a new girlfriend and you… you probably had tons of girlfriends” you sighed feeling embarrassed with my lack of experience.

“I've never had a girlfriend,” he whispered and you could barely hear him.

“You're such a liar” you laugh, a blow of wind makes your hair fall in front of my face.

“im serious y/n” he says and gently brushes away your hair behind your ear.

“h-how you're Rafe Cameron, like the hottest guy in the entire outer banks” your words fell from your mouth before you  had time to think about them.

“You think I'm hot?” He laughed again and your cheeks reddened now realizing what you had just said. Quickly you had your face in your hands, beer long forgotten on the pavement.

“Oh God, did I really say that?” He continued laughing and you stayed hidden behind your hand trying to create a shield to protect yourself from the embarrassment. But your barrier is broken when his hands grabbed yours to pull them away.

Not wanting to face him  you kept your head down, chin tucked against your neck. But when his hand grabbed your chin to make you look at him it was inevitable.

When your gaze finally connects with his, you notice the glimmer in his eyes. Rafe’s hand traveled from your chin to your  jaw, you felt your heartbeat elevate as the tension between the two of you rose. 

“Can I kiss you, please?” he asked even though his lips were already inches away from yours and eagerly you nodded.

His lips finally connected with yours, after years of secretly yearning for Rafe Cameron.

His hand that was previously on your jaw drops down to your neck as he deepens the kiss. 

It feels like the kiss lasted forever when you separate. his forehead drops down on yours and a breathy laugh escapes his mouth.

“I always knew you would be my first kiss” you whisper and a smile breaks onto his soft lips it could light up an entire room.

“And I always knew I would end up with you, remember when you fell off your bike in middle school?” you nod after he asked his question.

“even though i didn't know what love was back then, i knew i loved you” both of his hands grabs your face softly, gently rubbing his thumbs on the apple of your cheeks before pressing his lips to yours passionately.

at this very moment you also knew you would never love anyone more than you love Rafe Cameron

[jorjigirl]

Minsang Appreciation Post

Do you remember that brief moment of minsang during the IOMT promo? I do. In fact, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. We were being fed content I didn't even know I wanted.

And it was delicious.

Let's get into it.

My favourite government issued units are matz in their many interations (tsundere captain and his sexy, neglected wife, Seonghwa; old married couple; Lake Como honeymooners; awkward first date where neither knows how to make the first move) and yungi (codependent besties).

Minsang seem underrated in comparison. Maybe because we got crumbs when we're all hungry for a feast! Here are the many ways I find them delectable.

Visuals

Mingi's face is very angular. Sharp eyes, sharp nose, sharp jawline. He's got lines from every angle. It's what makes him so photogenic. The camera loves him.

Yeosang is so beautiful, I feel like I'd do permanent damage to my retinas if I stared at him too long. He is the sun, the moon, and the eclipse all at once. Delicate as porcelain, he's got a softness to his face, more rounded curves. Just distractingly gorgeous [Yeosang if you're reading this, I see you, i hear you, I know you're a handsome doberman].

It's a perfect balance of contrasting features when you put those curves and lines together. It’s literally circle meets triangle. A pleasing combination to the eye!

Bodies

Mingi is a big, beefy boy. Yeosang is currently getting jacked and he's already pretty muscle-y. However, Mingi towers over him and has the capacity to dominate. The size difference makes me feel things, ok?

Interactions

Cute aggression towards Yeosang seems inevitable. He's constantly smothered in kisses and hugs from San and Wooyoung. I think Mingi feels that cute aggression too but he delivers the princess treatment as only Princess Minki knows how. That means prolonged eye contact, hand-holding, and spoiling Yeosang with attention. Similar to how he treats Yunho, only this time Mingi gets to be in control.

Units as Dyads

I recently picked up the word 'dyad' from an article in a writer's magazine which discussed how a character's behaviour changes depending on the company they keep. A dyad is a fancypants way of saying duo, a paired relationship defined by their interaction. This relationship can be anything from a married couple, doctor and patient to a parent and child and so much more. How one person observes the other can tell you a lot about that person. I'm thinking specifically of this @storkmuffin essay that dissects how Yunho speaks about Mingi and how his words reflect on himself, if you wanna deep dive an example of a dyad. The Mingi in this dyad behaves differently to the Mingi in the Yeosang/Mingi dyad. It feels like a revelation to see him lavish his affection - which is usually reserved for Yunho - on someone else. He's able to show another side of himself with Yeosang which is gentle but also physical and tactile. This dyad also sheds some much needed light on Yeosang whose behaviour is subtle and lowkey [apart from that glaring side eye he gave at a send off which would have melted me into the floor if I'd been on the receiving end of it] I know he can endure a Wooyoung cheek-smooch but seeing what else he's got in the locker is interesting detail for me. I've seen minsang referred to as the Princess Duo which sounds accurate to me. Let me present exhibition A, as it makes my heart flutter to see their interactions.

Yungi end the war, minsang no more

This post has an interesting tidbit from Jongho who said that whenever Mingi and Yunho fall out, Mingi immediately latches onto someone else. My theory is that the latest minsang outing was a response to that sleep-deprived ateez live where Wooyoung, Yunho and San shared jokes and laughter in a very in-group/out group way (please don't kill me for saying this but it was giving 'popular kids being exclusionary' type behaviour). Mingi was definitely on the outside looking in. Yunho unabashedly pressing his face against San must've burned. The moral loyalty was up in flames!

From then on, Mingi was all over Yeosang, being super attentive and possessive around him to the point of flaunting it in front of his assigned target. Yeosang gamely went along with it. What's one more person grabbing him by waist? He's used to his magnetic powers pulling everyone in. He's a smart guy who is also Yunho's dorm buddy so I imagine he got a sense of measure of the situation and Mingi's motives. Either way, he's a professional so he plays along as required.

I'm so weak for Mingi when he's in 'loving' mode; he's warm, affectionate, and adoring and he got minimal shut down from Yeosang. It's far too easy to imagine myself in Yeosang's place. I'm sure other atinys felt the same way too because Mingi and Yeosang were asked in their lives abt the time they were spending together. I like to think atiny were voicing their approval in the hopes it would continue. Alas, I knew it was over when Mingi was asked abt Yeosang and he deflected his answer to atiny.

I found it translated as:

Mingi, reading Atiny comment: Why do you like Yeosang so much lately? Is it because of your luck?

Mingi: Actually, I like you more than Yeosang [smiles, blushes]

Minsang was disbanded with immediate effect. Boo. Clearly the friendship was mended and all was well in Yungi Land. We were back on script. Sigh.

That minsang fling was something though.

I still dream of it and what could have been if it had lasted just a little longer. I'm heartened by the fact that behind the scenes and beyond the fanservice they get on well, as demonstrated by their hidden camera convo where Mingi asked Yeosang out to dinner, specifically with him ONLY. Mingi really goes all in on a person, doesn't he? Here's to hoping and wishing for the next minsang outing please piss him off again yunho

[lotusloong]

Hi, me again. I'm just curious, when/why did you first get into Monkey King? I'd been aware of him for while (I kinda knew who he was, where he came from, that he inspired certain other characters like Goku in DBZ and Saiyuki and stuff) but only started learning more about him recently after I watched Monkey King: Hero is Back and fell in love. I watched an entire playthrough of Black Myth Wukong and, even though I had no idea what was happening storywise, absolutely loved every minute of it! Since then, I've gotten more familiar with the characters and story of Journey to the West, and devoured the three live-action movies, the Netflix movie, Monkey King: Reborn, New Gods: Nezha Reborn, and the Lego Monkie Kid series. I can't get enough of this guy! He's such a lovable little gremlin. I think my fav versions are Hero is Back Wukong and the Destined One.

...Okay now I'm going back to hide in my corner for realsies this time lol (sorry I'm shy)

I am so happy to get asks like this, thank you for fighting thru your shyness to send them!! Fair warning, I do get rambly (I'm an AuDHD writer, it's very hard for me to turn off my info dumping lolol) 

First off again, I really really do appreciate getting asks like this!! I put my writing and silly ideas up because I want to interact with other fans!! Sadly within the past few years interaction with fan works has depleted, and so it does make it a struggle to keep up with the creative process. (I've honestly been feeling like I'm speaking into the void sometimes when I post my Wukong stuff. The thing that keeps me going and writing is the few individuals who consistently interact with me with their own ideas and comments. Other people's ideas fuel my ideas, so if you or anyone else has a thought they want to share I will love to hear it and respond to it.) With that said, on to my past!!!

Now, I've always been a massive fan of mythology, and I hyperfixated on Greek myth for years (like, this year is my 16th anniversary kind of hyperfixation). And I always told myself that at some point I would branch off into other mythologies. 

I had always felt a connection with Daoism and Buddism because a lot of the philosophies made sense to me. I'm a zoologist, part of my job is teaching people at my city's science museum about nature and animals. A lot of Daoist philosophies are based on the ebb and flow of nature, but I just never found anything that actually hooked me to get me obsessed with it. It was more like a passing appreciation for what it represents and the ideals it holds. 

Now complete subject change, I love FromSoft souls games. Up until Wukong, I would write for other fandoms, and get a couple fics in before moving on (and even then it's not a lot. Wukong just…does something to my brain to get me writing) but I adore FromSoft games. I love the combat (I don't think I'm like…competitively good but I can beat the bosses and I have some decent skill) and I especially love the lore. Those games are so rich in lore, I adore it!! About gods and monsters and magic practices, all amazing! 

And back in February, a YouTuber I watch for mythology content did a whole video on Black Myth Wukong, explaining the lore of the different bosses. I was bored and hadn't heard anything about the game before, so I clicked it. 

I had my mind fucking blown.

That intro to the game? Sucked me in like nothing else. I didn't even get 5 minutes into the video before I was exiting out and looking up how much the game cost and everything I could to learn about it. 

Who was this sexy demon guy in gold armor flying on a cloud with this gorgeous music playing in the background? Holy shit this sexy demon guy is challenging a celestial army, he's so badass! Who is he!?!

I stayed up all night learning everything I could about Journey to the West. I bought the books that same night, I bought the game and started playing, I started looking up movies and shows, everything. 

And then it hit me, “oh wait, I know who the Monkey King is! I heard that name before!!” And I realized how many things this god had influenced! Characters from all different types of shows and movies and games, all with nods to this story!!

I think my first real moment of being aware of Wukong was actually from the game Persona 5, funny enough. I was never big on anime (believe me, I've tried. Never could get into it) but I did like the Persona 5 game, I liked the art style and story telling. Now for those who haven't played this game, there is a character named Ryuji, who is my fav character.

Ryuji is a brash ball of sunshine who's labeled as a delinquent and constantly looked down upon by the adults in his life because he tried to do the right thing and got fucked over by an adult who was supposed to help him, but instead abused him. He has a Persona (his personality/heart given magical form, essentially) that started out as a pirate based on Captain Kidd. When you level his friendship up enough, his Persona evolves into - you guessed it - Sun Wukong. A pretty funky looking design but I thought it was still fun and kooky and it was the Persona of my fav character from the game, so I was going to like it no matter what. That is technically my first introduction to Sun Wukong 🤣🤣🤣

Since I've gotten Black Myth Wukong and the OG Books, I've been devouring content for Wukong wherever I can get it. I haven't watched the live action movies yet, but I've been watching the 1986 show 💖💖 I want to watch Havoc on Heaven but haven't found a decent quality with Chinese VAs and English translations sadly…

But I've watched all the other animated movies I believe, and I haven't caught up on Lego Monkie Kid (I have…mixed opinions on it) but I just love Wukong in any form!! I have been asked before what my fav version is and I'm gonna give the same answer I did then, I like all of them for different reasons. They all have their charm and flaws and funny moments that make me fall in love with them 💖💖💖

I really really hope to see more of him in the future, especially Hero is Back!! Nezha and Nezha 2 are the highest grossing movies, could you imagine if the same director and writing team did another movie focusing on Dasheng!?! I would die!! Not to mention whispers of Black Myth dlc this year!!! I want all the content I can get on our beloved monkey husband, I love him so much 💖🐒💖🐒💖🐒

[cranquis]

Your recent reblog made me sad, but also makes a lot of sense. I've been following you since I was in medical school, and I'm now in my fifth year of specialty training (I am not American). I did occasionally wonder why I've been seeing less of the kind of content you used to put out.

All I can say is - thank you for the work you do. I've seen enough online to get an idea of what you must face on a daily basis. I think I'm lucky that somehow, the doctor-patient relationship overall hasn't deteriorated to such an extent where I live (yet at least), but I definitely understand the frustration and despair of trying to communicate with people who aren't coming into the conversation in good faith.

You've always been a kind of role model for me in terms of your passion for your work and your open sharing about your faith. I guess I just wanted to say that I hope you find hope and joy in your work, even if those you serve aren't wise enough to appreciate what you do for them.

Hi, my colleague! Hey first of all, thank you for your kind words of encouragement and affirmation. Negative med-related interactions (online or in person) anymore just roll off me, but the positive ones still give my heart a thrill! :) And congrats on your continued journey down the medical pathway.

Second, I'm glad your message gives me the chance to clarify for all my long-time Cranquis Pants* that I still do enjoy my work. I have been doing the exact same Urgent Care job in the exact same location (with quite a few staff turnovers) ever since I finished residency 17 years ago! I still enjoy the bulk of my patient interactions, I continue to hone my diagnostic skills, I feel very confident in my procedural skills, I have a reputation in our local medical community as a reliable and thorough physician, and I have a loyal group of patients who routinely nag me to "quit urgent care and become a regular doctor so we can be your primary care patients". My staff likes and respects me (despite my best efforts to ruin that on the daily, with my puns etc); I like my staff and appreciate the hard work they do in the face of the same administrative and societal opposition that I encounter; I am not distressed when little kids freak out during physical exams (and my success rate of turning those frowns upside down with playful interactions and silly sound effects is pretty darn good).

I am blessed with amazing work-life balance, more than the majority of Family Medicine-trained physicians I suspect. I carry no pager, I take no call, I leave my work at home when I go home. I know my schedule months in advance, I have a shift template that gives me plenty of week-long stretches off, and I have my Sabbaths 100% free to attend church and spend time with my family. My pay is decent and my benefits are solid, my debts get paid and I have a roof over my head. My kids and wife are happy to see me come home. Personally, I really have nothing to complain about.

But the bloom is off the rose for my profession as a whole. The politics and trends of the US health care system continues to disenfranchise physicians, devaluing the years and $$ invested in becoming physicians, over-valuing patient satisfaction scores and inexpensive labor and glitzy administrative initiatives and staff rumor mills more than evidence-based, experience-driven clinical medicine. The power structure is upside down, as if doctors ought to be automatically doubted and disdained by pharmacists, insurance companies, administrators, patients, and APCs because of their systematic educational journeys and reliance upon scientific evidence.

And one of the saddest results is watching medical professionals turn on each other. The fragmentation and super-specialization of every aspect of medical care creates artificial "us v. them" scenarios; specialists and primary-care battling over who does the paperwork for pre-op visits and FMLA, ER and Urgent Care arguing about how much workup should be undertaken by the UC when the patient is obviously going to need ER management, primary-care so overwhelmed with insurance-required goals that their patients can never get same-day/soon-day appointments, pharmacies so understaffed that it's easier for them to tell the patients that "the doctor never sent the prescription" when in reality ...

I could go on.

I miss the old days (said the geezer on the internet), when I could enthusiastically support a pre-med student's dreams of getting into medical school and "helping people as a doctor someday." Now I wince at the idealism in a high-schooler's eyes, and try to find a nice way to say "there's more options for helping people than just becoming a doctor... be sure you have your motivations straight, because medicine is not what it was even 10 years ago..."

So hope and joy in my career? Hope for the profession of physicians, I have little. But I make the joy in my practice when I can make it, and I only expect to find joy in my non-medical time with family and hobbies and travel and friends and the lifestyle which my medical career still does make more feasible than otherwise.

*Probably not the term historically assigned to "fans of this blog", back when I posted frequently -- it's been a minute -- but if not, SHOOT that was a missed opportunity.

[genderqueerdykes]

part of me wants to revive my old ace/aro positivity/advice sideblog and part of me still hurts and shies away from it because of the discourse and some of the shit i went through on that blog just for daring to say that aces and aros are queer.

how do you do it? how do you keep a blog like this going when there's just constant nasty bullshit coming in? i miss running it and i miss being the one who got to tell people who weren't sure who they were that they could be whatever they felt and that they were welcomed and loved. but i do not miss regularly getting told to kill myself or that i need therapy.

you know, that's a very good question, i haven't thought about that

it is very hard and i'm sorry people have treated you that way. i don't know why people are so determined to be as rude as possible about aspec people. like folks are just ruthless and it makes no sense because romance and sex are so normalized in our culture that people who step outside of what is considered "normal" for human attraction are very much queer. someone who refuses to partner because it doesn't interest them is very queer. someone who enjoys erotica but not sex is very queer.

it is hard, i will give you that. i do receive a fair amount of nasty messages, but i've noticed they've decreased recently because periodically i go into the terf and rad fem tags to block everyone who is participating in those communities. i'm very proactive with the block feature, i will use it if i feel unsafe, uncomfortable or like that person would be unproductive to interact with. i naturally have a sort of confidence to me that comes with my autism. i know i'm right about what i'm talking about (most of the time). if someone wants to challenge me, that's their business, but i'm generally very sure of myself and what i want to say

i am also heavily medicated, so keep that in mind. i do take several medications for anxiety, bipolar disorder, and so on. so a lot of the time my emotions are kept in check by my meds. i've been in therapy for a very long time and if things arise i can talk to my therapist or friends about it. generally online trolling doesn't bug me because i've spent most of my time online ever since i was a kid. i'm very used to the patterns that manifest when people want to bother someone else. i don't like giving rude people what they want

i remind myself that rude people are entitled. they expect the world to work the way they want it to, but that's just not how life goes. i also have DID, which means i have other people living in my head with me that can take over if i get too frustrated. generally i quickly journal out my feelings, delete the ask, and then move on. the greatest piece of advice i can give you is that you do *not* have to answer every single ask or message. if an ask pisses you off so bad that you can't formulate constructive thoughts on it, just delete it. you don't owe internet strangers anything

generally i'm very socially oriented. i really, really enjoy talking to people. because i've always had very progressive beliefs, i'm very much used to people trying to challenge me on what i know about the world and how things work. i lived with republicans and libertarians early on in my life and saw the fascist patterns in their behavior and wanted nothing more but to discuss how life really can be more gentle, welcoming and opening.

after i started this blog, i realized that there are people who are hellbent on misunderstanding you and that's something you just have to cope with. it's literally impossible to make people all think and feel the same way on a given subject, humanity is too diverse for that. there will always be someone who wants to misunderstand what you're saying in order to suit their own narrative. once i was reminded of the strawman fallacy, i began to realize that so many people literally just make up people to be offended on their behalf. people make up problems where they don't exist. some people literally wake up in the morning to do this and you can't change it- and that's alright. you can always block and ignore them. just because they got under your skin doesnt mean you owe them anything.

honestly, sometimes a person is cut out for it, and sometimes they're not- not saying you're not. it's *very* hard to do this, don't feel like you're a failure or anything. it's very exhausting at times. i take breaks and answer asks when i can for that reason. i don't want a schedule. i don't want to force myself to do this every single day. it's a job, but it's not. i like being an activist. i like helping. and i like changing people's minds. i don't mind having stressful conversations, because they're the ones people avoid the most. i've never been scared of having "tough" conversations. again, my autism helps me out in this regard

i think at the end of the day it's my love for other people that drives me. i've always been selfless and put others before myself. i really care about community and people uniting, it's literally my goal and passion in life. i've always wanted to become some type of figurehead in the community who is here to help. so for me, it's aligned with what i want to do in life. i'm aware that i have to take some blows in order to do it, so i do my best to take em on the chin

i hope that made sense or helped at all. i'm here to try to help spread awareness for folks like you who maybe can't due to mental health reasons. it's absolutely okay to not be able to keep up with it because of the amount of absolutely rude comments. i do what i do for people like you. maybe in time you'll be able to do so again. good luck out there! take care of yourself

[hadescabin]

TW// GROOMING, MANIPULATION breaking down tigerheartstar and dovewing and why i think its awful ik I said that I dont really like warrior cats anymore but recently i've been thinking about some stuff regarding the series and its fandom and there's one thing that's been particularly bothering me. dovewing and tigerheart. it's just crazy to see the shift of support for tigerdove considering early 2010s warriors fandom seemed mixed on them. now there seems to be this equivocal support for them, probably because most of the fandom's exposure to the couple has been the recent books which frames them as man who loves his wife x burnt out prophecy kid who will do anything for her malewife. which theres nothing wrong with that dynamic, i think it's cute, but people really seem to forget about how tigerheart straight up groomed and treated dovewing awfully throughout oots and even in tigerheart's shadow. it seems to be a forgotten fact that tigerheart was a full grown warrior by the time he was pursuing dovepaw, who was a newly made apprentice. for perspective, this was a 6-7 moon teenager with someone almost the age of her mentor (a little younger). people try to use the excuse "oh but they're cats" and "the age gap isnt that bad" but even the recent books acknowledge with frostpaw and splashtail, that a warrior and apprentice dating is WEIRD. tbf oots was released in the early 2000s, but the fact that canonically speaking the age gap is seen as a teenager and adult relationship gives me the ick. it really puzzles me to see people get on ships like dustfern and bramblesquirrel (both of which i hate btw) for their age gaps but come up with every excuse in the books to defend tigerdove. its not even just the age gap too, again, their relationship has consisted of tigerheart manipulating and grooming dovepaw to do what he wants. in the first two books (esp the second book of oots) dovepaw is presented as someone who got attached to the cats from the journey and doesnt necessarily understand why they must act like they shouldnt exist anymore due to the borders. this is something that tigerheart LEARNS and actively takes advantage of when dovepaw questions why hes at their borders (tldr its dark forest stuff). he shifts the topic and then goes on about the journey and how he felt that they almost became friends, and that if they were in the same clan things would be easier. this may not seem like a big deal, but this goes on for the rest of their interactions whenever tiger needs to pressure her to do something she doesnt want (meeting up, trusting him, etc.) He realizes that the subject of different borders resonates with her and uses it to his advantage whenever he wants something out of her. This can especially be seen in the next book, “Night Whispers”, which kickstarted their relationship. Dovepaw accidentally ran into ShadowClan territory while hunting, and Tigerheart happens to find her there. Once again, he gives her a speech about borders being meaningless, before asking her to meet up with him before the ShadowClan patrol catches them. There’s also other examples in later books where he coerces her into meeting up or trusting him since “that’s what friends are for” or even later in that book, where he manipulates her into using Ivypaw as a captive for herbs. 

When you take this into account, plus him as a full grown warrior, starting a romantic relationship with a barely apprenticed Dovepaw who is shown as having a childish/ immature perception on romance/mates (such as her argument with Ivypaw and claiming that she should “find her own mate”), Tigerdove feels very much like grooming to me. According to the dictionary definition grooming is, “the action of attempting to form a relationship with a child or young person, with the intention of sexually assaulting them”. Of course, in this case, since it’s a young adult book, it’s to form a romantic relationship, which could also be another goal of grooming. Groomers tend to display manipulative behaviors towards the victims in order to coerce them into trusting them more. Whether that be through compliments, gifts, trying to resonate with them or make them feel special. They tend to try to get them to keep and “share” secrets, which is another tactic they utilize both to isolate the victim and to get them to feel more comfortable. 

A lot of behaviors that Tigerheart displays towards Dovepaw falls under this, including the examples I mentioned. There are a couple of other comments that he makes which come off as creepy such as Dovepaw “being his favorite sister”, which as I established, is something a groomer would say in order to make the victim feel as though they’re special and garner their trust. Which is especially the case when you note that he makes that comment in reference to Dovepaw asking about his ties to Ivypaw, which he actively lies about, and quickly reassures her that there’s nothing going on. 

This tactic of manipulation, where he either makes her feel special, or even love bombs and dissuade her from standing up for herself, doesn’t stop when she’s an apprentice. It continues when she’s a warrior, and is constantly used throughout OOTS and “Tigerheart’s Shadow”. At one point in the series, Dovewing and Tigerheart get into an argument about Dawnpelt wrongfully accusing Jayfeather of murder. When Tigerheart defends his sister, Dovewing stands up for Jayfeather, which prompts Tigerheart to try and manipulate her out of the conversation. He jumps straight to talking about how much he loved and missed her, and guilts her by asking why they had to argue like this, and why they couldn’t just “meet like before”. As for Tigerheart's Shadow, he actively goes against what she wants (to raise her kits outside the clan) and actively pressures and guilts her into coming back, before she finally relents. He doesn't care about what SHE wants, it's always about him. Whether it be secretly meeting up, or in The Last Hope, he tries to pressure her to date him again (which she FINALLY refuses and scolds him for thinking about his own needs when they're right before a final battle. as she should). It's especially upsetting in the newest book that tigerheart seems to be the only think at the center of her character. when she argues with ivypool, it's less about the two sister's interpersonal conflicts and more about her and tigerheart's relationship. which...feels like a lot of missed potential to me? i want them to argue, i want dovewing to stand up to herself against ivypool, but why does the entire conflict have to revolve around him? why can't dovewing have her own thoughts and feelings without it tying back to her awful husband?

[kabillieu]

More about homeschooling after the break.

Obviously I'm bothered and disturbed by ongoing current events, but I also want to record that life goes on, and other things are going well.

We've now been officially homeschooling my big kid for about a month. It's been rocky, and I've questioned my sanity regarding it many times. I've lowered almost all demands on my kid in order to meet him where he's at, so that if you just casually glance at how we're parenting him you would think that we're insane or maybe even neglectful (by which I mean neglecting his education, not his physical or emotional safety).

But instead of getting hung up on what's not happening, I've been trying to pay attention to how the new normal is affecting him. He's sillier and goofier. He's much more physically affectionate. This is most noticeable with how he interacts with Dominic, but he's also being more physically affectionate with me too. Meltdowns still happen, but they are no longer happening daily. He's more compliant about non-educational things. His social life is 100% better than it was before. He's in an online D&D group that meets on Mondays, and he has a great time during it. He has a standing meetup with N on Thursday afternoons. He plays Roblox with his friend B many weekday afternoons and most weekends. This friendship has made the most difference, with both boys benefitting from it immensely.

The difference in our family life is also immense. I don't wake up every morning feeling a thick dread about how I'm going to get my kid out of the bed. I get more sleep because I wake up at 7 instead of 6. Big kid is also getting more sleep, which his growing adolescent body needs. There are no more power struggles over going to school in the morning or doing homework in the evenings or over weekends. There's less yelling and disfunction in our family. There's less crying. There's more patience and radical empathy and understanding.

(I'm not perfect, and because I've taken on the brunt of homeschooling I have probably yelled at my kid a little more the past few weeks, which I regret, but I'm working on it and I always apologize.)

And most importantly, my kid has finally started to take some interest in and ownership over his own learning. Up until very recently he's treated the (very little) schoolwork I've asked him to do as an inconvenience of massive proportions, but today he wanted to talk to me about ideas he has for different kinds of learning. He also wanted me to help him go through his books to pick out a book to read in addition to his schoolwork. I have not been able to convince this child to read a book for fun in probably two years, so I was shocked by that.

So, these are all very positive developments. I'm beginning to add in more variable things too: future museum visits, graphic novels about Civil Rights History, plans to see local plays, movies and documentaries to help him learn about history, etc.

I can't do everything! And I'm doing this all imperfectly, blundering along because that's all I can do, but we're going in the right direction. And I'm documenting everything. And I'm really, really trying, and it's getting better.

[blackr23]

Super Elle Korea p1

💬: While you were waiting for the recording for YouTube to start, were you whistling in your seat?

🥟: Ah, it's a habit. I like to whistle. It was a Frank Ocean song.

💬: What are you thinking about lately? Do you still read many books?

🥟: I try to read, but I don't focus on reading as much as before. Still, when I feel like I should read a little, I go to a bookstore. I like to read the first book that catches my attention right there. Curiously, the books I buy I hardly read.

💬: It's the dilemma of every reading lover (laughs). At the 2025 S/S collection show you attended last September, Donatella Versace mentioned that the role of fashion should be to promote 'positivity' (Positivity) and 'uplift spirits' (Spirits Up). Does Hyunjin also feel this positive function of fashion?

🥟: Of course. I love fashion, and I'm glad that someone can associate me with a characteristic image. Wearing nice clothes is something I find similar to cleaning. If my space is messy, I don't feel good, and if I leave it like that, it will stay the same. In the same way, if I just go back to the style I always wear, my mood will also stay the same. Styling is one of the elements that can bring variety to my mood.

💬 They say you also listen carefully to the music of the parades. If you created a playlist for a Versace show, what songs would you include?

🥟: Wouldn't it be wonderful if Lana Del Rey's song 'Young and Beautiful', from The Great Gatsby soundtrack, appeared in a presentation that maximizes Versace's elegant and regal charm?

💬 Hyunjin also gives people energy, right? Was there a time recently when you felt like you gave and received energy in a positive way?

🥟: Interaction exists in all relationships, right? As time has passed since debut, I have become more comfortable with fans, Stay sometimes feels like someone close to my environment. Especially because no matter what I do, they are a source of positive energy for me, and I can't help but enjoy that love too.

💬 I remembered the video where there were many Stays in Milan, and that made you feel safe (laughs)

🥟: That's right. I used to get nervous before, but if I think there are Stays in front of me, I can do anything with confidence. No worries!

💬 Milan not only went for the parade, but also to perform as headliners at the 'I-Days' music festival along with the other members. I also fondly remember the content that captured their time together after the performance. What is the most important thing you have learned through your relationship with the other members?

🥟: The very way of relating to people. I've learned about friendship, love, a sense of belonging and that feeling of deep connection... I've learned all of that. Stray Kids is something we are betting our lives on together, so we naturally learn a lot from each other and motivate each other as well. To the point that sometimes I think I wouldn't know how to live my life without the members

💬 They also declared that they would walk together for a long time

🥟: I think it's one of the warmest moments of this year. Although the word 'contract renewal' itself is a bit far from conveying warmth (laughs). However, as a team that has grown dreams together, the members know better than anyone about our strength and the value of fans. Seeing how we all managed to carry out the contract renewal process with the same heart, I felt a special warmth connected with the members.

💬 The <dominATE> tour is also in full swing. It is already the third large-scale world tour. What changes do you feel in yourself on stage?

🥟: This year, I deliberately attended a lot of concerts by other artists. Not only from K-pop artists, but also to performances in small theaters, where I learned about how to interact with fans and perform live. I think those experiences have influenced me a little. My mentality has also changed. I realized that whether it's mistakes or whatever, everything becomes a memory. I'm enjoying the tour more than ever

💬 In order not to exhaust yourself in the long term, you have to keep injecting energy constantly, right? There are also many performances at the stadium level

🥟: I love performing on stage. It is not common to have the opportunity to experience in so many countries in this way, and also to be able to perform performances that I love. It seems like there really are no 'flaws' to this. Touring makes me think, 'Is it really okay that I'm so happy?' Of course, there are times when it is physically exhausting.

💬 The second Japanese album "Giant" which includes 10 songs, was also released on November 13. It's surprising when they had time to prepare it?

🥟: It's the first Japanese album in 1 year and 9 months, and since fans in Japan always send so much love, I'm very excited. I can't forget the power we received the first time we did a dome tour in Japan.

💬 What is the moment in 2024 when you felt like you 'Ate/Devoured' (ATE)?

🥟: I haven't had it yet. But we are planning to release a new song in Korea, and above all, there are the year-end performances, right? We are planning to prepare well so that this time we can also show a performance that is memorable.

[lunasgayshit]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

Oh wow um, first, thank you anon 💜😭😳

Five things that make me unique? Uh, not exactly unique, there are so many humans that any one thing is highly unlikely to be unique, but in combination they are :)

My egg was exceptionally hard to crack due to circumstances

I work in tech but my heart is in the arts and humanities, and having seen what capitalism did to my tech hobby, I will never make the same mistake with my art

I approach every person in my life with love in my heart, and treat them as such. Kindness, empathy, and patience are more important to me than I can say. We're all connected, we humans, and bringing love to every interaction is the best way I can think of to interact with others.

Due to the particulars of my autism (it's hard to focus on anything other than a conversation if I'm listening to that conversation, among other auditory processing issues), almost all of the music I like is nonlyrical. I have music for every mood, some of it the most beautiful things you've never heard, but none of it has a single word. I also always have something playing, whether it's music or a game I'm playing or something I'm watching.

I'm really good with mental arithmetic for numbers below a certain (ill-defined) size, especially things like Fibonacci numbers, square numbers, and addition/subtraction/multiplication (just like with a computer, everything but division is easy and fast). The numbers just come to me, a lot like Ramanujan said they come to him (except in my case they're not delivered by Hindu deities while I'm sleeping). I'll have the answer for a calculation before I even realize it and I won't know how I got the answer, but it'll be the right answer. It's weird, but it works!

As for things I'm super passionate about and why, this'll be interesting as I'm rather autistic so this is basically asking me to ramble about my special interests :) If anon knows anything about me they must know I'm autistic and they probably know at least a couple of these, so the list shouldn't be entirely surprising :) For all of these I could go on for longer than the post altogether so I'm going to try to be brief; know that there's so much more to say for each of these.

For as long as I can remember, language has been a special interest of mine. This manifests most specifically in words, meanings, etymologies, dialects, identifying languages from words / scripts / sounds. There's so much complexity and beauty in language, and it affects and influences every element of being human. I don't feel comfortable saying it's something that makes us human, particularly with recent research into cetaceans and other animals, but it is nevertheless an important part of being human.

I've been a Star Trek nerd similarly long. A lot of folks are Trek fans because they like the stories, the utopian vision of the future where most diseases have been cured and you can trans your gender in an afternoon with enough time left over for a fancy dinner, the egalitarian society, but for me it's deeper. Those things all matter, to be clear! They are important! But other things matter even more. For me it's about the radical love and acceptance people in the Federation show for one another. There's an implicit social contract of acceptance of differences and diversity, there's representation on screen and in universe of so much of the diversity of humanity. This is absolutely a result of the optimism, of living in a post-scarcity society, but it's also how I personally try to treat others.

Perhaps unsurprising is that I'm absolutely in love with science / mathematics, have been since I was a kid. Sure, there are certain fields I'm more interested in (physics, calculus, psychology, anthropology, linguistics as said above), but the broader subjects have always held my interest for as long as I can remember. If real life is a game, then science is the rules for how that game works. It's about the knowledge per se, for me (which is specifically why I say science / mathematics instead of an applied field like engineering)--all knowledge is worth having. But it's also about the learning, both students learning things and researchers discovering things. Learning things is cool! I genuinely hope we never learn everything about the universe, about ourselves. An existence where science / mathematics is genuinely, truly "done" would not be nearly as fulfilling.

Just as important is my appreciation and love of arts and the humanities more broadly. Like with language above, I'm not going to say that our pursuit of these subjects makes us human. However, like the sciences, these subjects do certainly make being human more rewarding and worthwhile. Again, like with the sciences, there is so much beauty in this world, so much nuance and subtlety that the arts and humanities help us understand. I genuinely see the sciences and the humanities as closely related in this way, in what draws me to them: much of what I said above about the sciences applies to here as well. It's all about learning and beauty, learning about the universe and ourselves and seeing the beauty and love that existence shows us every moment of every day. It's not coincidental that I get a bit poetic about this! Again, like with the sciences, there are certain kinds of art and subjects in the humanities that draw my attention more, but I do have a general appreciation for all of it.

I hope you can forgive me, anon, for taking so long to respond to this ask. I have taken your questions seriously and, in tandem with good old ADHD (and distraction from the many cuties on here), it's taken some time to arrange my thoughts.

[colemorrison]

Recently I made an ow oc, his name is Cinder Arlux. I know oc content isn't as interesting as xreaders or ships but have some content of him anyway cause I love him.

His abilites ↓

(Support Role)

Weapon : Bow and Arrow, and a healing touch, (standing near an injured teammate for 2.5 seconds will heal them for 45 health. Every extra second spent with them will heal another 15.)

Powers : Aether Manipulation 

L shift ability : Becomes untouchable for 12 seconds and is able to go through walls or obstacles.

E ability : Manipulate one character’s soul to take them back to their last death location.

Ult ability : Teleport two teammates to any healthpack on the map and make them untouchable for six seconds after teleportation.

Interactions ↓

Sombra : "Think you can teach me how to go through walls? Would be deadly"

Cinder : "It is deadly when in the right hands. I cannot teach you though, it's kind of a born that way typa thing."

Sombra : "Not even how it works?"

Cinder : "Don't want you to somehow do it yourself do I?"

Sombra : "You know me too well."

Cinder : "Angela! Long time no see!"

Mercy : "Cinder, how are you? It has been a moment since you came in for another checkup."

Cinder : "I'm alright! Bones still don't work as good as they should but nothing I haven't already gotten used to."

Mercy : "You should be getting medication Arlux."

Mauga : "You know they call me hot stuff."

Cinder : "I fail to see what is hot about you, you're shaped awkwardly."

Mauga : "More body to keep you warm with."

Cinder : "I don't bed with men who reek."

Kiriko : "You're cool. Didn't know there was someone who could go through walls. You're like a ghost."

Cinder : "Yes, a ghost of who I once hoped to be"

Cinder : "Oh you're cool! Are you an omnic?"

Genji : "I.. Am not, I am part human."

Cinder : "That's even cooler! Can I see?"

Genji : "I would rather not."

Junkrat : "You would be delightful to have fer heists!"

Cinder : "You are handsome."

Junkrat : "Of course I am! I am the dashing Jamison Fawkes."

Cinder : "Aw, even your name is cool. No fair!"

Cinder : "Reinhardt my big man, how are you?"

Reinhardt : "Ah! Hello Cinder, I was just beginning to wonder when I would be able to see u again."

Cinder : "Oh? Got something to ask me?"

Reinhardt : "Yes actually, I regret to say I do not know which animal to get for Ana. You know what she likes, help an old dog out?"

Cinder : "Personally, she reminds me of Capybara's. I would get her the animal she reminds you of!"

Reinhardt : "What a wonderful idea!"

Ana : "Oh you poor boy. Come, let me see the wound."

Cinder : "I'm not a kid anymore nana"

Ana : "Kid or not, I will be here to take care of you."

Cinder : *sniffle*

Ana : "I made that promise to you, keep it close."

Reaper : "You would have been useful for our cause."

Cinder : "I am done being "of use". If I have learned anything from these years it's at the very least. Sometimes being useful isn't the most important."

Reaper : "Shame.."

Cinder : "You blow a lot of kisses."

Baptiste : "Perhaps you want a real kiss?"

Cinder : "I won't turn down affection but I can't have you falling for me."

Ana : "He doesn't believe in love."

Baptiste : "Got some nasty history?"

Cinder : "Lets not hash that out."

Illari : "You remind me of someone"

Cinder : "I think that's a compliment?"

Illari : "If only they lived to meet who I've become."

Cinder : "I'm sorry."

Ashe : "Cinder I-"

Cinder : "You know I don't want to see you. Back off."

Ashe : "I know you don't but I want to know how my little brother is-"

Cinder : "Don't call me that. You are not my family, you lost that title."

Ashe : "Yeah.. I deserve that one."

Cinder : "Dva! Are we still on for the arcade after this? My treat."

Dva : "Oh you're on! I won't go easy on you!"

Cinder : "Where's the fun in playing fair! Especially against you."

Sombra : "Pretty sure that's my line."

Dva : "I'll beat you at every game and more."

Cinder : "We'll see about that!"

This is what he looks like! I've never taken an oc so serious before but he's beginning to hold a special place in my heart. ↓

[minipisi-is-dumb]

I’ve been looking a lot into giftedness recently and noticed your blog has a lot of really helpful information on it. I was was wondering if you have any examples of symptoms for giftedness, since I have a hard time understanding what people mean when they just write “you have x symptom which means y” in their articles TwT I need to actually read examples or else I don’t get it, and you seem to be pretty knowledgeable

okay. I've had this ask for I kid you not. months. and you will find extremely ironic how the fact that I've been pushing it away for long is an example of giftedness symptoms!!! lemme explain

I first got this ask and the first thing I did was think "oh shit, how am I supposed to do THAT, this question is too broad, there's no specific goal, I don't know the way you learn so I can't really predict the best way to explain it so it's easier to digest, and how do I try to explain giftedness without seeming tokenizing or coming off as giftie embassador when I'm just a guy" mind you I found all these variables on information right after reading it. like a few seconds only after reading it. like all the wrong lightbulbs turned on at the same time except that it was telling me a thousand variables on how to approach a problem that seemed to have no end

so, I pushed it away because, as it turns out, this is an "open task"(referring to intellectual tasks in this whole post btw)

open tasks are a very interesting symptom I don't think I've ever talked about here so let me see if it makes sense

for giftie people, we have this little thing called "latent inhibition deficit" which is basically "hierarchy on sensory processing is not there" all sounds, lights, colors, movements, breezes, textures, smells... they're all important and interesting, so you pay attention to everything. we see the big picture first for better or for worse, because we connect it all together automatically

this is not just in a sensory perception level, but also a cognitive/intellectual one!!! which means that ALL knowledge is connected, all knowledge is important and it must all be taken into account at all times

an open task is asking someone who sees a whole ecosystem working at the same time to "talk about ants"

what part of ants? they biology? social interactions? contribution to other species? what species do they harm? what SPECIES of ants are we even talking about? are we referring to a specific anthill or ALL the anthills of the entire ecosystem? the list goes on and on, you begin connecting ants with their behaviors and jump to mention anteaters predation tendencies, only to jump against to talk about which trees and plants usually feed off of anteaters when they die, or what fungi could invade decomposing bodies that could eventually turn into a pest on the ecosystem, congrats! in ten minutes you talk about the dangers of deforestation and lack of biodiversity on pest control

you were just asking about ants for a 2 sentence answer on a homework

in fact, I JUST did it!!! I started to talk about giftedness for a metaphor and ended up talking about climate change!

so you can already tell that this question is, at best, impossible for me to truly answer, because it's an open task.

you're giving me a blank page to work on with no specific limits, too many variables to count on and wait for a response that i Can't Really Give, because how can I know im telling you what you need to know to understand it? the only option left is to tell you every single point from every single view from every single possibility until it is insufferably long. just to see if my point comes across

so, giftedness is very characterized by too many connections too quickly too intensely in just one person's head organ, and open tasks where a non giftie might find a "long enough" point rather intuitively, it becomes overwhelming at best for us

think about it like autistic/adhd infodumping, but for EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME

wanting to go deeper onto every detail while showing how everything is connected and moving and unstoppable and forever expanding in knowledge. that's fun! but impractical on the long run

so if an open task is fun but extremely overwhelming, is there a way to counter it? OF COURSE!!!!! THAT'S A CLOSED TASK!!!!

closed tasks that have the benefit of limits!! They feel nice because they are more clear, concrete and manageable!!!

go back to ants. don't ask me to just talk about ants, ask me about what is my favorite thing about red fire ants, or what benefits there are for ant mimicry in animals like jumping spiders!!!

woah, that's a relief, I can focus on one thing that doesn't feel overwhelming, stressful and impossible to explain or even BEGIN, and those around me aren't tired or confused by my attempts at doing so

for this question I had to spend however many months has this been in my inbox overwhelmed because every time I read it I thought "that's TOO much" until I remembered about open and closed tasks and thought how ironic it was that I am in this exact situation about not being able to explain my giftedness BECAUSE of my giftedness.

so I had to make my own closed task to answer to this, and as you can see, the closed task is talking about open and closed tasks!!!!!!!

I'd call this a fun three birds with one stone because not only I got to finally answer this in a way that reflects personal experience and I got to talk about something I haven't before, but ALSO I learned that maybe !!!! I can make my own closed tasks!!!!!! which is hard because I'm learning, but it helps me manage these types of situations instead of.... mental breakdowns and 5 minutes of explaining to my teachers why their two sentence homework couldn't be done because it had too many variables

so em, thanks for asking!!!! and sorry for taking so long !!!!!!!!!!

I have all my info posts about giftedness tagged so if u need more info I hope it helps !!!! again this is very specific considering all the research done on different sides of our experiences, but I hope it's a good start :)

[pttucker]

Danmei Novel Rec - I Can Do It

Hello there! Do you like social media fics, livestreaming fails, or celebrity-fan interactions? How about age gap relationships with some light idol/fan power imbalance? Relationships with a more experienced, forward, and slightly dominant top and an absolute terror of a bottom who deletes entire decades off the life of his coach but is suddenly "a fairly well-behaved kid" every time his captain is anywhere in the vicinity? Are you interested in an absolutely hilarious, fluffy novel where you get to see your soon-to-be-favorite pro gamers completely demolish another team in multiple League of Legends matches? And then get in trouble for publicly calling them trash.

Well then I have just the novel for you!

I Can Do It (我行让我来) by Jiang Zi Bei (酱子贝)

Jian Rong looks so sweet and innocent here. You'd never know he was Public Enemy Number One for literally every LoL player ever.

...Well, almost every LoL player.

Novel Updates Link

So guess who just read their very first danmei novel? 😊 Which is really weird to think about since I've been reading BL for decades, but I guess it's always been in comic form.

This was probably a bad novel to start with tbh since it was really unbelievably fun (and funny) and had so many tropes I liked, with said tropes being repeated over and over and over again.

Seriously I think Jian Rong gets caught in 4k simping for Lu Boyuan like 40 times, including 20 times by Lu Boyuan himself, and every single time it recharged my life battery for an entire week.

I've probably unintentionally raised the bar for the next novel far too high by reading ICDI before anything else.

That said, I totally recommend this novel if you're like me and adore reading social media AUs on AO3 or like seeing quick-witted, genuinely talented people completely own others (and then get owned in turn by their very own fans lmfao).

It's a really relaxed, cute romance with steady but slow progress (seriously this is a SLOOOOOW burn), where most of the romantic conflicts are pretty much always resolved in the next chapter, if not the same one. That said, the top is actually pretty dang forward and not really all that subtle about his interest (both to Jian Rong and to the world at large) and I loved that the "cool, aloof" character was openly asking his fans for the link to Jian Rong's secret Lu Boyuan simp account on chapter freaking ten.

I will mention that this is only an M-rated, possibly even just 15+ rated, romance so if you're hoping for some hardcore XXX smut to pay off the slowburn, you won't get it here. You will however get some really suggestive text that doesn't try to hide what happened offscreen, as well as being able to see Jian Rong's soul attempt to leave his body after Lu Boyuan buys him ointment for his poor abused you know what. Which Lu Boyuan gives him in front of his own mother. Because he really is that unrepentant.

Most of the tension comes from the actual LoL matches themselves, with the novel really focusing on Jian Rong, AKA Soft, becoming a pro player. So if you are a hardcore romance-focused reader this might not be for you since there are entire chapters dedicated just to describing matches. But trust me, if you're even remotely into that sort of thing they are so, soooo satisfying and the Tiny Salt team does an amazing job of explaining LoL terms for us noobs.

Speaking of which, this novel has been recently announced as being licensed, so if you want to read it on the website I linked, I suggest you get on it pronto!

Anyway, here's some fun scenes to help entice you:

(It was so hard picking just a few)

[Crap wait a sec, look at the first program on the streamer’s taskbar!!!] Jian Rong stared blankly before turning to look at his own taskbar—[StarTV_R-ong’s Personal Homepage] ………it was the homepage of the side account that he had just opened in order to load money onto it. Before Jian Rong could react, someone had already sent out a comment saying that they had successfully found the side account’s personal homepage. Darkness flashed across Jian Rong’s vision. “Wait a moment, I can explain…”

(Narrator Voice) He can't explain.

Jian Rong wasn’t interested in group chats, nor did he know what to say. He swept a glance over the chat before he went to put down his phone and continue playing ranked. [R: @R-ong] [R-ong: Hello everyone, very pleased to meet you all.] A few seconds later. [R-ong: [rose]]

Instant change of attitude. 🤣

"R" is, of course, Road, AKA Lu Boyuan. As you can see, Jian Rong is very well-behaved... for at least one individual.

“You’re… still going to stream?” Ding-ge said hesitantly, “Maybe you shouldn’t stream for the next few days, and don’t look at all that stuff on Weibo or Tieba either. Right now, there are a lot of moronic antis who are stirring things up about you online.” “I’m just going to casually cheat out some gifts.” Jian Rong skillfully adjusted his peripherals. “Also, why does someone else have to stir things up about me? I can do it myself.” Ding-ge still wanted to stop him, but Jian Rong had already pressed down on the “start stream” button. What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over. Ding-ge covered his eyes and walked away.

Poor Ding-ge. He must have killed three people in his previous life to deserve Jian "I am perfectly capable of starting a fight on my own" Rong in this one.

Jian Rong had just typed out “dumbass” when the practice room door opened. Lu Boyuan had draped a random jacket over himself, and he was wearing a disheveled short-sleeved shirt inside and loose pajama pants on the bottom. The string on the front of his pants weren’t even tied. He stuffed both hands in his pockets and walked over to stand behind Jian Rong. “Insulting someone?” Lu Boyuan had slept for a while, causing some exhaustion to seep into his voice. Jian Rong: “…” He blinked blankly for a moment before he deleted the word he had typed out and said, “No, it was a typo.”

Did I mention earlier that he doesn't only get caught by his fans? He gets caught by Lu Boyuan all. the. time. Doing all kinds of things.

Lmfao rest in peace, Jian Rong.

Yuan Qian: “Don’t worry, it’ll happen soon. Maybe Pine will bring a sister-in-law back for you tomorrow.” Xiao Bai shook his head. “Not a chance. With his poker face, I bet he’ll still be an old single virgin by the time he’s thirty.” Youyou said, “You could just find a girlfriend yourself, problem solved.” Pine raised his eyes.

The side ship! It's not nearly as focused on as the main ship, of course, but it's so sweet and they even have their own little mini story about getting together in the novel extras. 🥰

Upon seeing how many comments Jian Rong was receiving in the barrage, Xiao Bai felt like this marketing tactic was quite effective. He was about to copy it when he saw the number of viewers in his stream suddenly decrease dramatically. In the span of a few seconds, over four thousand viewers dropped. He turned pale with fright. “Damn, I haven’t even shown my socks yet, how come you all ran away! …oh, my ge started streaming? That’s fine then.” The instant Lu Boyuan started his stream, the viewer counts in all the other LoL streams would always drop. Never mind the TTC members, even the other LoL streamers were used to it by now. Lu Boyuan leaned back in his chair, eating his youtiao. His hair was disheveled, and he sat in a careless manner. He was idling on the game client and clicked on the PC version of Happy Fight the Landlord as he chatted lazily with the barrage. “Mn, a task assigned by our manager, marketing the merch.”

I included this one because ngl Lu Boyuan gave me vague "Yoo Joonghyuk getting to actually be a pro gamer" vibes and the feeling of reading a tilted ORV No Scenarios AU was one of the things that first drew me into this novel. (Though I can happily say that Lu Boyuan very quickly became his own person.) That said, I adore canons where you have something of an OP "Protagonist" who's just the best and so I was thrilled to see that ICDI really emphasized Lu Boyuan's fame, talent, and respect in the community.

“The things I said in the interview,” Jian Rong paused for a second. “Will I be penalized for it?” Ding-ge hiked up an eyebrow, somewhat surprised. “Why would you be penalized?” Jian Rong: “I insulted Rish and called him a dog.” Lu Boyuan almost burst out laughing.

Jian Rong is a national treasure, your honor.

Lu Boyuan: “There are security cameras in the stairwell.” Jian Rong immediately went silent. He sucked in a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair. “Forget it then, let’s go back and practice…” Lu Boyuan straightened upright. Before Jian Rong could turn around, Lu Boyuan gripped his wrist and pulled him over to the corner, pressing him against the wall. Not much noise was produced with this movement, and the subpar sound-activated lights swiftly went dark.

😏

(They're just making out.)

(For now.)

[starmocha]

I swear to god I was just about to message you asking why the hell some people were literally acting like zaynemc was over and zayne would never come back like.. ?????

i'm sad but the story needs to move along, all the lis will deal with their personal issues and it's gonna be brutal but it's not the end

and we still get the cards and the banners so we don't down in sorrow. also so we get to date our mains and be a little happy. 😔

although I think that's what's confusing some people? the timeline of the cards in regards to the main story. apart from the bond cards and the aus, i toss everything under the happy timeline where some shit might go down sometimes but we're ok 👍

xiu...if zayne has known about astra for 7 years, does that mean every time he heard that voice he knew exactly what it was?? and he's been fighting back all this time? 🥺🥺

I don't know the specific details about what is happening on Twitter or other sites (and quite frankly, IDC to know either), but from what I've been told of the situation so far, I can only assume these are first-time otome game players freaking out because they're unfamiliar with this gaming/story format. I've mentioned in a few posts earlier today explaining it (lol but I didn't tag the main tags because....I was lazy).

The main story is far from being over for any characters, and especially with Zayne's part, I feel like so many plot points were dropped. There's going to be plenty of new updates in the future with him. And as mentioned in my other posts, LADS' sister game, Mr Love: Queen's Choice has not only recently celebrated its sixth anniversary, but new chapters were still being released for the main story.

Even if they do eventually wrap up their EVER arc, I'm sure the writers will already be planning new arcs to tell. LADS will last for as long as they are financially successful and profitable.

Being a long-time MLQC player, I already went into the game with an idea of how the memories work in relation to the main story, but I can understand why it would seem confusing to new players. I am going to keep drilling this point until there is no more misunderstanding about it: the memories are meant to take place post-canon of the main story, but specifically with the love interest you have chosen!

For example, if you intend to choose Xavier, then it means at some point in the main story, you have developed a deeper relationship with him, and chosen that "route" to romance him. The 5* memories would be happening in this path.

If you instead imagine choosing Rafayel, then his memories would be following that path instead. Same concept applies to the others as well.

The type of storytelling and gameplay for both MLQC and LADS are different from the Japanese otome games I used to play. It is not as straightforward, but I find them both much more entertaining and immersive.

🤔 I'll be honest I was not expecting an Astra mention in the main story when I had first read that section. It completely blindsided me. With this sudden reveal, it does make me want to revisit the side story about the library as well as reread the Foreseer's myth to find any correlations to all of this. Compared to Xavier, Rafayel, and perhaps even Sylus, I wasn't expecting Zayne to recall or be aware of anything related to his myth.

Actually, does anyone want to see that white-haired kid again? I really liked his interaction with Zayne, and honestly I just liked his spunky nature in general. Compared to all of the shady old people in the game, I like seeing these child characters interacting with the leads.

[gettothedancing]

Been gone, came back

So I found some poison ivy in my yard, and because it's March I didn't see the 'leaves of three,' and didn't realize what I had touched. I've been off work 2 weeks and spent the last week living as a patient in the place I work.

As miserable an experience as it was, I've gotten a lot of rest and spiritual study time this month. In Christian Science, the healing is often accomplished before the material effects fully disappear. But I'm cleared to go back to work in a few days.

I also broke up (amicably) with my boyfriend. It's not anything he did during this difficult time. On the contrary, he's been very supportive. He kept taking care of my cats until I could come back home. Our breakup is due to irreconcilable differences regarding appropriate sexual behavior before marriage. Other factors including maturity and his recent divorce are also involved. The funny thing about it is that we've not been on the same page about almost anything since this issue came up. But when I said we should break up, he said that he had thought that was the best course of action since my poison ivy incident, but he hadn't wanted to break up with me while I'm suffering.

There is part of me that hopes that in a year or two, we will be more suited for each other. We still work in the same building (in different departments that rarely interact) and will be cat-sitting for each other. We have a lot of good things in common.

But unfortunately, the irreconcilable difference was a very big issue, and I gotta be honest, he was the one in the wrong on almost every point. When it gets to the point that my dad (who genuinely likes him and wants me to have kids ASAP) called me unprompted to say he thinks I should break up with him, that's pretty telling that the relationship was not sufficiently solid to be talking about engagements or children.

I'm at peace with the breakup. Not sure how or where I will meet anyone new, but it's not my focus right now. Right now I'm all about working out and konmari-ing my life. And now that I can use my hands again, I'm going to go back to regular posting!