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hamliet · 6 years

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Tokyo Ghoul’s Thematic Tightrope

TG has always walked the line between idealism and realism in an absolutely fascinating way, and it’s one of the main things I adore about this series. Both of these themes are explicitly explored through the characters of Furuta and Kaneki, and the reason people are not happy with what has been done with them is not because “I just hate Kaneki but Furuta’s an angel who deserved none of this,” (I LOVE Kaneki) it’s because the themes, depending on the person, may not have been satisfactorily addressed.

The series’ ending conclusion is that it tries to bring these two disparate pieces together in a way that was framed peculiarly, and because of that framing the message ultimately comes across as simplistic and, to some, confusing, because textually, it’s simply inaccurate to say Kaneki fought tragedy but Furuta did not. Instead of emphasizing individual responsibility and choices, the story seems to have emphasized choices made by others.

(It’s great that some find 177 optimistic, and this is not an attempt to convince people it’s not optimistic, but to explain that, even though we all agree Ishida was trying to send a hopeful message, many of us came away with the opposite message instead. It’s not correct to say that the message Ishida intended to say is the message he actually sent, nor is it correct to say that he did not send that message.)

We all know that TG wants us to live. It’s the most powerful line of the series imo: live, even if it’s not stylish.

That’s idealistic, and optimistic. Hence, the series sets up an expectation that it will deliver on this front. And in many ways it does just that. Even when things look hopeless, like when Mutsuki spirals, or when Urie frames out, or when Kaneki breaks into Dragon, these three characters are rescued by their loved ones, rescued from themselves. That’s beautiful.

However, the framing around Kaneki’s case in particular troubles me. He was told he did not have long to live.

We all wanted him to live, and the story granted it to us: he fixed his issue. Good. But fixing his life span came at the cost of 100 kids’ lives: one hundred traumatized orphans who were experimented upon and legitimately called “100 Kaneki Kens” by the narrative, and the narrative has not explicitly acknowledged this. Which the story could have work... except it contradicts the story’s earlier themes of having to truly grapple with the wrongs done to children as the concept of wrongs done to kids has been reflected in just about every characters’ arc, and even in the worldbuilding, starting from the Doves’ Emergence Arc.

The story has always emphasized this theme as highly important and influential for Kaneki personally and for the other characters as well, so if it was emphasized so much, it sets up an expectation in the reader that this should be dealt with explicily rather than never expressly acknowledged. I actually think Kaneki eating the Oggai is a good narrative decision for his lowest point, even if I personally find it triggering. The fact that it wasn’t then acknowledged, however, makes this theme of choosing to protect kids kind of fall apart. It also again stresses the idea of making choices for other people about the value of certain lives over other lives. And yes, Kaneki did not have a choice once in that scenario, but again, that emphasizes the idea that the world doesn’t allow for choices.

The story then also has Kaneki choose to kill Rize even though he does not want to (and it’s good that he doesn’t want to), but I don’t think anyone thinks that the way in which it was done was a good narrative decision. I actually haven’t seen anyone saying it was, lol. It would be one thing if he had not just been saved from the same exact situation, but he was. It would be one thing if he tried and then realized he could not. It would be one thing if Rize’s decision to stay at the Torii Gates was given more narrative emphasis rather than her commenting only on Kaneki’s decision, but it wasn’t.

Keep pressing on no matter what is a fine message, but to press on at the cost of kids’ lives and the life of a girl in the same circumstances he was just saved on frames this theme in a very uncomfortable way. Especially since Kaneki’s major flaw is criticizing behavior in other people that he also exhibits (that’s what Shironeki was kind of about).

Additionally, it can be interpreted as sending an “ends justify the means” message which I personally find morally reprehensible, and, well, there are lots of implications to Kaneki having to kill 100 orphans and a woman with little current choice that are deeply unsettling. While I totally agree that Ishida did not mean to imply what that implies, it doesn’t change the fact that some of us are going to be more troubled by how problematic that is than others. Intentions to communicate something important do not necessarily matter if the communication becomes muddled and the receiver hears something other.

I personally root for Kaneki against Furuta and always have, but the entire framing of this scene left me with a deeply pessimistic message. Accept the world, yes, do what you can, yes. But kill or be killed, rather than asking why anyone needs to die at all? That struck me as contradictory for the rest of the series’ themes. It is true that you cannot save the world, nor can you change it: you can only change yourself. The problem is that the narrative places emphasis on this when it comes to Kaneki’s character, but not with other characters, and allows Kaneki idealism in ways that it does not allow others. Of course, he is the main character, but thinking of himself as the center of everything has always led to disaster for him within the story. And it is not actually Kaneki’s choices that saved him, speaking textually.

It’s Touka’s. It’s Tsukiyama’s. It’s Hide’s. And it’s Furuta’s. They saved him.

I don’t think anyone would say Touka’s love for Kaneki is not idealistic. Most people would not wait three years and dig their husband out of a Dragon. I’m not saying this is bad in any way at all, mind you. I love Touken and think it’s beautiful, but I am saying it’s idealistic. And that’s good, but it sets certain expectations: namely, if Kaneki is on the receiving end of a lot of peoples’ idealistic forgiveness and belief that he can and will choose to make better decisions in the future (Hide, Tsukiyama, the Qs, etc. all share this perspective), it makes sense that we would expect him to then share this idealistic perspective with others, even if in they end they do not take it. But he does not. And this is actually not something new. He admitted to Takizawa he only cared about his loved ones (which is fine! But if you put yourself in a position where you are responsible for those people multiple times, as he has and as Ayato called him on, that’s less fine),

and he did not save Eto (the clowns presumably did) when he’d promised to: and she wasn’t trying to kill him then. She was lying there dying in front of him and had just saved Touka and everyone else and told him so. So it’s hard to see this Rize thing as growth when he’s done it before.

Again, this is where the rushing comes in: if Kaneki had offered this to Rize and she expressly rejected it, or if this was emphasized more in the Torii Gate scene, it could have worked, but it was truncated. To have the conclusion of “some people do need to die” (which is Kaneki’s conclusion) told to us from Kaneki’s perspective rather than shown (especially when Rize’s issues tend to be about precisely not being allowed to share her perspective), and not explored when TG has a habit of exploring its themes until Moon Hell, means that the themes ultimately come across as muddy. Is it Rize’s choice to die tragically? Or Kaneki’s to kill her? We’re supposed to see it as Rize’s most likely, but it simply isn’t clear, and to have it not clear when Kaneki is making a choice about someone else’s life is putting the onus on other people rather than on individual responsibility.

Continuing along those lines, the story early on tells us that connection is important. Interactions are chemical reactions; people are forever changed by them. People like Yamori, Arima, Furuta, and Rize, who do not connect with people, die without redemption (Eto is an exception, for... some reason. I’d say this is an inconsistency). However, the story also shows us that connection is hard. That’s a realistic view of connection, in that Kaneki struggles to connect with people and has actually deliberately severed himself from connection multiple times: first with Anteiku, then with the Qs, etc. It’s always been framed as something sad, because he doesn’t believe he can be loved, and Kaneki’s struggles to maintain connection are realistic and for me, highly relatable. However, the way in which people respond to his struggles to connect is idealistic and indeed beautiful, but also creates a dissonance with its contrast. It is honestly hard for me to believe that literally not one person would have expressed frustration or sorrow over Kaneki becoming Dragon, rather than just sorrow for him. That is not realistic. It’s beautiful in its idealism, but contrasts in an awkward way with the realism of Kaneki’s own struggles. It again puts the onus on other people rather than on oneself, which doesn’t work if we’re supposed to be interpreting Kaneki’s choices as what makes the difference. Such idealism also doesn’t work with Kaneki’s ultimate “kill or be killed” conclusion with the rushed pacing and framing the latest chapter had.

The conclusion of “I need to kill the Oggai/Rize to save everyone I love” struggles thematically because it is this entire mindset that has run the cruel world TG inhabits. The CCG agents (not the Washuu) kills ghouls to save the people they love. Like, I think what makes TG so interesting is that we can all relate to the notion that if there were terrifying people who had to eat humans to live, the world would not respond with empathy. The ghouls kill humans to stay alive and keep their loved ones alive. Essentially? While ghouls and humans may now be working together, that basic philosophy has remained the same. Making choices for other people about the worth of their lives is how this Tokyo runs in TG.

A lot of people find that pretty pessimistic. You can interpret that as “well, we can’t change the world, but we can still find happiness”--except TG has always offered a solution: changing the world via empathy. Empathy, putting yourself in the place of another. It’s what Touka offers Mado as a solution in the Dove’s Emergence Arc, and then she kills Mado because again, it’s kill or be killed there.

And yet the narrative does not let her off for this, because she deeply regrets it. So the scene in 177, without Rize being afforded a chance, suggests a cycle that is unbreakable, that the cage cannot be broken, and if you try to break it, you become a villain. The three characters who tried the hardest to break it are Furuta, Eto, Arima. That’s... an issue, especially when the story begins with this:

The only character who has tried to break that cage, who tried for revolution, is Furuta. Claiming that Furuta wanted to make things worse and Kaneki only wanted to make things better is a false ditchotomy. Kaneki only wanted a world that he could live in.

This is the entire point of Kaneki hiding in the 24th ward arc. He would have probably stayed in the 24th ward forever if he could rather than actually confront the others. He admits as much inside his head: he had no plan, no intention of fixing the world for ghouls and human, he only wanted a world where he could belong, where he was needed and therefore he only acted on what was directly in front of him. Maybe that’s the point, maybe he was never supposed to be born for love and revolution, but then I think it’s odd that everyone reading it thought it was supposed to be about freeing ghouls... because the story did set up those expectations.

This is in comparison to Furuta who has spent his entire life trying to break the system from within, who dedicated his whole life to one plan. All of Furuta's actions are making things worse with a purpose. We see exactly why this is necessary because every single person within the CCG is simply so accustomed to the cruel way things are that they barely even react. Torturers like Kijima and Tokage run free with no repercussions. Saiko has consent forms for a life-altering surgery signed by her mother and not her. Mutsuki is given a knife, and then turned into a living weapon when they show both a predisposition for violence and also come from a horrifically abusive family. The entirety of the CCG is built on compliance. They literally needed to be pushed to that extreme in order to break free. The Oggai are the CCG's method of taking child soldiers. The Washuu which control everything were slaughtered by Furuta who then went on to replace them, and show exactly everybody how the Washuu acted in his personality as “Kichimura.” Dragon literally drags humans into a conflict that ghouls have been living and born into their entire lives, and humans have the privilege of just treating like it's an urban legend.

All of these are targeted strikes against the system. Kaneki, on the other hand, broke quinques and hoped for the best. Kaneki's successes are all built explicitly on the back of Furuta's work. If Furuta had not done the dirty work Kaneki never would have even survived as king because Furuta did all the dirty work for him. He never had to confront the CCG because Furuta dismantled it for him from within. He never had to destroy the Washuu because Furuta already took care of that and he did it much better than both Marude and Hide.

Kaneki wanted to talk to the Washuu. He had no plan.

When Furuta was not directly challenging him, the only thing Kaneki did was move to save investigators. When Furuta was directly challenging him, he hid to the 24th ward and then slowly starved to death. When Kaneki was presented with the exact same limited life span problem Furuta dealt with his entire life, Kaneki didn't fight tragedy. He distracted himself. Kaneki only fixed his lifespan because of something Furuta did once again: because Furuta provided him the Oggai to eat.

Furuta acts, Kaneki reacts. That's been consistent throughout the entire narrative. The fact that the story suggests that acting is wrong in Furuta’s case (and it hella is! Nothing he does is excusable, but his motivations=dismantle the system so that no one has to suffer what he suffered) and that it’s right in Kaneki’s case (his motivations=protect his loved ones from suffering) is... well, the line between them is really thin. Not wanting to do something (like Kaneki has seldom ever wanted to hurt anybody) doesn’t change the fact that he has, in fact, hurt someone, and as Yoshimura says, “the act of taking a life is always evil.” To have the significant choice of Kaneki’s, the choice that’s supposed to exemplify him taking responsibility, being to kill someone who has no choice, is strange.

You have to accept the world and decided not to twist it yourself. In theory, I like these messages from Kaneki and Amon. In practice, the framing of the story with pushing aside other themes and Kaneki still committing an action the story has always described as wrong against someone experiencing the exact same thing he just went through, makes it hard. It’s a tightrope between just what the difference between Furuta and Kaneki actually is, and I personally can see why people buy this chapter as inspirational, and why people do not.

#tg meta #tgre meta #tgre 177 #kaneki ken #furuta nimura #kamishiro rize #touken #kirishima touka #amon koutarou #yoshimura kuzen #tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul re

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moonwaif · 6 years

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Latte (H)Art: Ch. 6

Summary: Traumatized after being rejected by Kirishima Ayato, her first love, a teenaged Hinami vows that she will never fall in love again. Four years later, Hinami is a young woman trying to get by in life. Her painful past is behind her - at least, until she gets a job at Aogiri Tree Café, where she runs into a few familiar faces...AyaHina human!AU

Chapter Title: “Openings”

Touka and Hinami catch up. Will Hinami use this opportunity to learn more about Ayato's past, or will she chicken out?

Rating: T

A/n: Thanks again to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I always look forward to getting your feedback. It’s really encouraging when people take the time to leave a comment.Originally, I wanted to make this chapter longer. As I was writing, I decided to shorten it for pacing reasons, and move some of the originally planned events to the next chapter. One of my favorite things is sitting down to a nice, long update, so I apologize for the length. As usual, I'm editing myself, so if you notice errors I apologize. I will hopefully have those cleaned up soon. I just get so sick of rereading my own stuff over and over again. I hope that you can still enjoy the chapter

Touka had always been beautiful, but Hinami was still surprised by the grace and composure she radiated strolling into Aogiri Tree.

“Hina-chan!” Her smile was friendly and relaxed, as if it had been mere days instead of years since their last meeting. “What a surprise! Are you working here now?”

Hinami nodded. The flimsy paperback crackled in her tightening grip. “Yes. I just started a few weeks ago.”

“That’s funny, ‘cause I just saw this guy yesterday” - she leveled an accusatory glare at Ayato, who scowled - “and he didn’t tell me a thing!”

“Why are you here, ugly nee-chan?” he groused. “Shouldn’t you be working?”

“Since you helped out so much yesterday, I thought I’d come by and share some of the wages. Besides, I wanted to check up on my little brother, make sure he’s staying out of trouble.”

“You should know better than that, Touka-chan,” Naki interjected, sweeping under a nearby table. “That one’s hopeless.”

“Oi, don’t speak to my sister so comfortably!”

Touka turned to Hinami, ignoring the ensuing bickering. “So, how is everything going here? I hope Ayato-kun isn’t scaring you too much with that bruised face he has on.”

“N-no! Everything is good.”

“Are they picking on you?”

“Not too much,” Hinami said, while inside she screamed, ‘Yes, Touka-chan, save me!’

“Well if they do, just tell me.”

“Look, hag,” Ayato interrupted, seeming to remember his sister was there in the first place, “I don’t need your money, so get lost.”

“I’m talking with Hina-chan,” she retorted. “Stop being so rude. By the way, Hina-chan, why don’t you make me a cappuccino? I’m really curious to see how your skills have improved!”

Touka chatted easily while Hinami brewed the espresso, filling her in on the latest doings of the Anteiku crowd. Tsukiyama had stopped modeling, but was still designing. Nishiki was finishing up med school; he and Kimi were engaged. Banjou and Yomo were both working at :re, the coffee shop Touka had opened with the money Yoshimura had left her after he had passed away from heart failure.

There was only one person suspiciously absent from her list - the one person Hinami was the most interested to hear about.

“Mmm, Hina-chan, this is good!” Touka said, sampling the cappuccino. “I like the foam rabbit you made too. It’s so cute! I’m sorry I had to ruin it.”

Hinami blushed. “I remembered you liked rabbits a lot, so…”

“You’ve really grown as a barista. I’m proud of you.”

Hinami wasn’t sure how to react to this compliment. It didn’t help that she could sense Ayato listening intently from just a few feet away. Thankfully Takizawa chose this moment to stick his head out of the kitchen.

“Ayato-san, there’s a phone call for you. Delivery stuff.”

“Ayato-san?” Touka repeated, smirking. “Wow, manager; this workplace is so laid-back.”

He ignored her. Touka watched him leave with a thoughtful smile. Gradually, her gaze lowered to the steaming cup clasped between her hands. Hinami noted the gentle lavender waves that framed her face, the full lashes that dusted her cheekbones.

“I can’t believe you’re working at my brother’s cafe,” she said. “Well, not HIS cafe, but in the same place as him. What a weird coincidence.”

“Yeah,” Hinami agreed, staring down at the counter.

“Don’t misunderstand; I’m really, really glad to see you, Hinami-chan. We still think and talk a lot about you all the time. I’ll have to let everyone know I saw you here so they can stop by and say hello, too.”

“Ah, no!” Hinami blurted, drawing a quizzical look from Touka. “I mean, please don’t. I don’t want to trouble anyone…”

“Trouble anyone? Of course not. I can’t wait to tell Banjou. He’s gonna be so jealous I got to see you.”

‘I doubt it,’ Hinami thought with a pang. ‘More like disappointed when he founds out I’m just a drop-out loser…’

“Actually, Touka-chan,” she began, measuring her words carefully, “please don’t tell anyone just yet. I’d like to surprise them, when I’m ready. But enough about me. How are you doing? You’ve told me about everyone except yourself.”

‘Well. Almost everyone.’

Touka took a long sip. “It’s been good. I like having my own business. It’s hectic and stressful, but it feels good to do things my own way and help make other people’s lives a little brighter in the process. If you ever get sick of this place, you should come work at :re.”

“Eh, really? I’ll keep it in mind.”

There was a moment of silence. Hinami’s curiosity finally won out.

“How is Kaneki-kun doing?”

Touka’s smile stiffened.

“You know as much as I do, Hinami-chan. You were still here in Tokyo when he disappeared.”

That was the same word Ayato had used; ‘disappeared.’ Her chest tightened.

“You haven’t heard from him since then?”

Touka shook her head. “I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you something. I know you two were close.”

‘Not as close as you were,’ Hinami thought.

“So.” Touka took another sip. “Have you written anything lately?”

Hinami’s face burned.

“I - no. I don’t really do that anymore.”

“That’s a shame. I always enjoyed getting to read your stories, even though you didn’t share them very often.”

“I didn’t really have enough time to keep writing." It couldn’t have been further from the truth. Between skipping classes, ignoring homework and hiding out in convenience stores in an effort to avoid her relatives, she’d probably had enough time to fill volumes. She’d just lost the desire to do.

“I see,” Touka said. “You’ve changed a lot, Hinami-chan. But that’s okay. I changed a lot after high school, too. And Ayato-kun, well - you can see how much he’s changed.”

Touka’s expression was withdrawn, even wistful as she stirred her cappuccino. The words Ayato had spoken that day in the basement suddenly came back to her: ‘Do you have any idea the mess you left behind, the crap-ton of bullshit that the rest of us had to clean up for you?

‘You. Fucked. Up. Everything.’

“Touka-chan, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

She braced herself against the counter. “After I left Tokyo, did anything else happen at my old school? Maybe your brother mentioned something to you…”

Touka lowered her mug. She was no longer smiling. “Why? Did he say something?”

“Sort of, but I didn’t really understand. I know about some of the things that happened, but he made it sound like there was something else I never heard about.”

Touka sighed. “I can’t really tell you what my brother was thinking when he said...whatever it was he said to you, but I do know this: life came at Ayato-kun fast in high school. Real fast. A lot of it was his own fault, but...he got his comeuppance, if that’s any consolation.”

Hinami opened her mouth to protest, then stopped. Why pretend that revenge wasn’t at least a little bit sweet?

“What kind of comeuppance?” she asked instead, trying not to sound too curious.

“Why not ask Ayato-kun directly? He knows more about it than I do.”

“Ask me what?” Ayato demanded, exiting the kitchen. His eyes flashed between them suspiciously as he resumed his place at the register.

Hinami blanched. Touka was quick on her feet.

“About your banged up face, probably,” she lied, much to Hinami’s relief. “You know, you’re not exactly helping Aogiri Tree’s image. When customers walk in, they probably see that busted mug and have a heart attack.”

“Tch. What do you know, old lady.”

“When are you ever gonna quit that fighting stuff?”

Touka’s brow was furrowed, her lips pursed in a thin, crooked line. She looked more like the cranky onee-chan that Hinami remembered.

“Whatever,” Ayato muttered. “Why don't you just scram already? I told you, I don’t need your money. Let’s just call it even.”

"Fine, if you’re gonna be so stubborn about it,” Touka retorted. She pushed her mug away. “I’ll just assume this cappuccino is on the house, too.”

Hinami watched as Touka gathered her things, words teetering on the edge of her tongue. She wanted to tell her about Sasaki Haise. She wanted to apologize for abandoning Touka and everyone else in Anteiku without looking back.

“Oh! That’s right.”

Touka rummaged in her purse before pulling out a business card and a pen. She scribbled a number on the back and slid the card across the counter.

“That has :re’s address and hours,” she explained. “Stop by anytime; it’s on me. Also, that’s my personal phone number on the back. Give me a call when you can’t stand my brother anymore. I’ll find something for you to do at :re.”

“Stop trying to steal our employees,” Ayato protested, but his eyes had softened. Hinami took the card. It felt sturdy in her hands. Touka’s name gleamed up at her in elegant, embossed script.

“I’ll come by as soon as I have free time,” Hinami said.

She didn’t plan on having any free time.

Touka’s encouraging presence energized Hinami throughout the rest of the day. When it was time to train with Ayato after work, she was still going strong.

“Ready to get to some of the good stuff?” he asked once they’d finished warming up.

“I guess,” Hinami answered, not sure if she should be excited or scared.

“All right. First, review time. So far we’ve covered two basic punches: the jab and the cross. You remember what those are right?”

“I think so…”

“Then throw on some gloves and show me your best right cross.”

Hinami always felt a bit silly wearing the training gloves. She was an imposter in a cheap disguise. A stick-thin nerd like her probably looked ridiculous. Even so, she faced the punching bag and tried to focus on her breathing, assuming the stance Ayato had taught her: both fists raised, one pulled in close to her face, feet spread slightly apart.

“Tuck that chin,” Ayato muttered. She bent her neck quickly, chin pressing into her shoulder. He nodded. “Good. Now rotate that hip…”

Hinami shifted her weight to her back foot. Arm tense, she swung her fist at the punching bag, her body turning in the direction of the punch with as much energy as she could muster.

“Needs improvement,” Ayato said shortly. “But whatever. It’s gonna be awhile before you’re strong enough for your hits to do any damage - if you ever get to that point in the first place. If you’re gonna have a chance in hell, you’ll need to learn some defensive maneuvers.”

“Like blocking techniques?” asked Hinami.

"In order to block, you actually need something to block WITH. If a shrimp like you tries to block a hit, they’ll get squashed. That’s why we’re gonna start with evading.”

‘Evading, huh?’ she thought. ‘Just like you and your sister evade all my questions about onii-chan…’

She vaguely wondered what he would do if she asked him about the “comeuppance” Touka had alluded to earlier. Would he find a way to dodge that question, too?

“Okay,” he said. “Let's use a scenario. Imagine Akira tries to bitch slap you again. What is the easiest, most sure fire way to avoid getting hit?”

“Um...duck?”

“No, genius; you run away.”

Hinami frowned. “But, I thought the whole point of this was so I’d stop running away?”

“No - it’s so you can determine when it’s best to confront a problem, and when it’s best to just distance yourself from that problem entirely. Like...just come here.”

Hinami approached him, arms held up half-heartedly. Ayato assumed a similar stance as he explained.

“Running away has its advantages. For one, it’s easy; more advanced techniques like slipping and ducking require skill. Anyone can run. Two, it wears out your opponent. Three, it can take you in any direction. You can go back -” He took a backward step away from her. “-which puts you out of range of an attack if you move fast enough. That’s good. Can you think of any problems with this, though?”

Hinami’s stance faltered. She always did freeze in the headlights of a pop quiz. Fortunately, Ayato didn’t give her too much time to think.

“You put yourself out of range to hit back,” he said. Hinami could hear the unspoken “duh” behind his words. “If Akira’s too far away to reach you, you can’t reach her, either. In the long run you’re gonna use up all your strength and energy trying to avoid blows while sacrificing any opportunities to land any of your own.”

‘Wow,’ Hinami thought. ‘It’s the perfect metaphor for my entire pathetic, non-confrontational life.’

“Of course, you can always choose to go around instead,” he continued. He drew close to her before pivoting to the side with a swift grace that took Hinami aback. “This keeps you in attack range, since you’re not actually putting distance between you and your opponent; you’re just changing up the angles.”

“I see,” Hinami said. She could smell the sharp, sour scent of sweat under his cologne, accompanied by the ever-present aroma of coffee. And had his shoulders always been that much wider than her own?

“Can you think of any disadvantages?” he asked. He was near enough that Hinami could hear low, gravely tones in his voice that she’d never noticed before.

“Well,” she began, dismayed to hear shakiness in her own voice, “it’s like before, right? You’re using too much energy…moving around and stuff…”

He nodded, pleased. “Exactly. Do you really wanna keep moving your entire body when Akira is just moving an arm or a leg? That’s the real problem with footwork, because even if you move forward -”

The little space remaining between them abruptly vanished as he stepped forward. The hair on Hinami’s arms tingled at their proximity. She stared, fixated on the bit of collar bone peeking out of his v-neck.

“ - you’re still putting in way more effort than your opponent is,” he finished. “Besides, this move only works if you have a size advantage. You wanna be big enough to overpower the other guy. In your case, I don’t see that being likely.”

He smirked down at her. Ridiculous heart - why was it beating so fast? This wasn’t high school!

‘It’s just a chemical reaction,’ she told herself firmly. ‘Hormones activating arbitrarily in response to his handsome face and muscle definition. I am definitely NOT attracted to him on a romantic, personal level. This is just human biology!’

She became aware of the silence that had crept into the room. Hesitantly, she glanced up at Ayato’s face. His smirk had fallen, replaced by a quiet, stern expression she was unfamiliar with. He held her gaze for an agonizing moment - then he gave a sudden start. Quickly, he turned his head, falling back a few steps.

“Yeah, so, I wouldn’t recommend this approach unless you’re looking to get crushed,” he said, voice gruff.

“What do you recommend then?” she asked, choosing to disregard his unusual behavior. Why had he stared at her face so intently? Was there a booger hanging out of her nose, or something?

“Well the best defense is one that gives you an opening to strike,” he said. He spared her a thoughtful (but abnormally cautious) glance. “With your size, you’re gonna need to be quick on your feet - adaptable to the needs of the moment. If you always use the same strategy, your opponent will use that against you. Basically, you’re not just trying to outwork or overpower your opponent; you also need to out-think them.” He tapped his forehead.

“So...being adaptable means I should also be trying to predict my opponent’s moves as well, right?”

“Exactly. But it’s not like a game of chess; there’s no time to read the board or deliberate your next move. Overthinking can just end up slowing you down, which gives your opponent an opening.”

“So how do I decide what to do if there’s no time to think?”

“Well, you don’t really decide, “ he mumbled, forehead wrinkling. “You just sort of do it. Look, I’m not very good at explaining, okay? Just keep practicing and doing what I say, and you’ll be fine.”

Hinami regarded him doubtfully, but kept her thoughts to herself. This must be his first time training someone.

“Anyway, I’ve got homework for you,” he said, with more than a little relish. “Ever heard of Irimi Kaya?”

Hinami shook her head. Ayato didn’t look surprised.

"Look her up. See if you can find any footage of the 2004 Kyoto fight. I’m sure it’s all over the internet. Pay attention to the way she evades attacks. Pause the video, pull it back, repeat it. See if you notice any patterns.”

“Is that how you learned to fight; from watching videos?”

“Not exactly.” Ayato shuffled his feet. “My case was...different from yours.”

The reformatory school for troubled youth in the countryside, Hinami remembered. Had Ayato been sent there because of fighting? A vision rose to her mind of an adolescent Ayato standing in the Anteiku break room, face mottled and bruised, while Touka scolded him in hushed tones. Even in those days, Touka had been tight-lipped about her delinquent little brother. There’d always been the implication that Ayato’s time on the straight-and-narrow wasn’t meant to last; that deep down, Ayato still wasn’t safe or trustworthy.

What was it Touka had told her back then? Oh yeah. ‘Don’t fall in love with my brother.’

“Anyway,” Ayato said, shattering her reverie, “be sure to look all that stuff up by Friday. Starting this weekend, we’re gonna get busy.”

“Because of the promotion?”

“Yeah; we’ll need to make sure we’re ready before Monday. Speaking of which, we need to talk about the new hours.” He frowned, folding his arms. “We’ll be splitting shifts, working longer days. With the new schedule, we’d both technically be working now - or at least whoever’s scheduled for the night shift would be. It’ll be probably get harder to find times when we’re both available…”

Was this his way of dumping her, Hinami wondered? She swallowed.

“If you want,” he continued, voice dropping into a low mumble, “just keep using the equipment down here to train. And then when we’re both free, we’ll meet.”

His eyes darted in her direction, daring her to object. She made a small sound of assent. Had Ayato really just given her permission to enter the sacred space of his room unsupervised? She wasn’t sure whether she should feel flattered or apprehensive.

“‘Course, you could always ask my sister for pointers,” he said drily. “She’s always liked you, so I’m sure she’d be willing to help. Unless she’s gotten too soft.”

“Touka used to fight?” Hinami asked, surprised. Ayato grinned..

“Uh-huh. Nothing professional, just schoolyard rough-housing, but still - she was pretty good. Other kids knew not to mess with us.”

‘Us.’

Hinami tried to imagine Touka and Ayato back-to-back, fists raised and smiles wicked as they prepared to kick some ass. Looking back at the strong, cool and confident Touka she had known growing up, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibilities. Touka had always seemed like an action superhero - maybe Catwoman, or Sailor Moon. There’d been a gruffness to her demeanor, an edge of danger that Touka had tried to keep carefully tucked away in Hinami’s presence. She’d never quite succeeded in hiding it all away.

Hinami wondered briefly what had changed for Touka. What had made her go “soft,” and what had prevented Ayato from doing so, too?

“Anyway, give me your number,” he said suddenly. “That way if one of us has to cancel, we can get in touch. Or if I need to send you an update to your work schedule, or - y’know, stuff like that.”

He reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a cellphone without looking at her. Hinami took it, feeling numb as she entered in her phone number. Was this really happening? Had Ayato just asked her for her phone number? And was she actually going through with it?!

She was suddenly and acutely aware that this was the opening she’d been waiting for. There was an atmosphere of relative peace, and their chat had lasted long enough to drift into comfortable, familiar territory. If ever there was an opportunity to dig into Ayato’s past, this was it. She licked her lips as she returned the phone to him, deliberating the best way to approach the subject.

‘I can’t just come out and say it,’ she realized. ‘I’ve got to...ease into it!’

“Um, Kirishima-san…”

He tilted his head expectantly. Hinami felt sick.

“Thank you for helping me.”

An indecipherable emotion flickered across his face. Before she could chicken out, Hinami plunged on.

“A while ago, you mentioned I caused some troubles for you in the past. I’m not really sure what you meant, but...you still agreed to help me.”

She paused, giving Ayato a chance to protest or reproach her. He remained silent, face abnormally stricken. His eyes were wide with something that resembled accusation - or maybe even pain. Whatever sense of comfort and familiarity that had been building between them shriveled on the spot. A nauseous shiver of self-loathing ran down her spine. What was she doing, digging into Ayato’s past - a past that was probably riddled with as much shame and disgrace as her own? She was just being nosy and rude.

“I need to leave,” she blurted abruptly. Ayato barely managed to stumble out of her way as she rushed past him, diving for her backpack.

She couldn’t bring herself to look at his face as she fled up the stairs.

Some people guard and cherish their secrets. Hinami was normally one of these people. However, as she rode the train home that night, staring fixedly at the loafers and sandals of the passengers around her, all she wanted was just one person she trusted enough to share her troubles with - someone to help ease the ache of confusion eating her chest hollow.

Her emotions must have shown on her face, because when she got home Saiko actually paused her mobile game to ask if everything was okay. Hinami lied easily - too easily, she realized with a sinking feeling.

She was still brooding when she got out of the shower. Just as she was about to finish toweling her hair, her cell phone vibrated from atop the back of the toilet. She glanced at the screen: a text from a number she didn’t recognize. Without thinking, she took her phone and unlocked it.

Remember to watch those videos I told you about.

“Oh. Ayato-san uses correct punctuation and capital letters when he texts,” she muttered, looking up at the reflection staring back at her from the mirror. Did he always do that, or was that just because this was his first time messaging her? She set her phone down without replying.

Why had he decided to text her? Maybe it was a taunt. Did he assume she was too lazy or forgetful to do her “homework,” as he’d put it?

Or had he just wanted to talk to her?

“Don’t look so happy about it,” her reflection snapped. She toweled at her hair fiercely.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t so easy to towel the thoughts out of her brain. She was still pondering the message over dinner twenty-five minutes later, picking at her ramen listlessly.

“Oo gonna fi’ish that?” Saiko asked, cheeks bulging with noodles. She pointed her chopsticks at Hinami’s plate.

“Ah! Yes.” Hinami made an effort to concentrate on her food. “I’m just a bit distracted.”

“Is it about your friend?” Saiko asked genly. Hinami shook her head.

“No. It’s...something else.”

“Oh? Then what is it?”

Hinami hesitated. Finally, she laid her chopsticks down, shoulders slumping heavily. It was all too much to bear alone. It couldn’t hurt to share just a little bit of her troubles with Saiko, could it?

“My boss sent me a message,” she said, voice quiet.

“Ehhh? Are you in trouble at work?!”

“No…”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s just...we don’t normally message each other.

Saiko popped a carrot into her mouth. “That’s weird. Maman and me text each other all the time!”

“...really?”

“Uh-huh! Yesterday he sent me this meme.” Saiko reached for her phone. A few seconds later, she held it out for Hinami to see. “Look at that! It’s that ugly frog! Maman is so funny…”

Hinami laughed uneasily. “Sasaki-san must be a really nice boss.”

“Mhm! So what did your boss say to you?”

“He just...reminded me of some deadlines.”

“Oh, sounds important. What did you say back?”

“I...haven’t said anything yet.”

“WHAT?!”

The upstairs neighbor pounded on the ceiling, shouting a muffled, “Keep it down!” Saiko leaned forward.

“You’ve gotta reply!” she hissed. “That’s your boss, if you don’t reply it’ll look bad! Trust me, I ignore emails and messages all the time. It always gets me in trouble!”

Hinami lifted her phone from the table nervously. “What should I say?”

“Let me read what he said first.”

She handed her phone to Saiko, who peered at the screen intently. Hinami made one more attempt to finish her dinner. The noodles felt like chewing rubber.

“Okay. I sent it.”

A noodle went down Hinami’s windpipe.

“You WHAT?” she spluttered.

“I sent the reply for you.” Saiko grinned back at her like an eager puppy ready for her reward. “See?”

Hinami took the phone, hands shaking. Her eyes widened as the words on the screen slowly registered.

ok boss thank you i will~~~ :D

The entire commute to work the next morning was filled with dread.

‘I should have just kept my mouth shut,’ Hinami berated herself. 'Why didn’t I just keep my problems to myself like I normally do? That’s the best way to have a peaceful life.'

That absurd text message Saiko had sent, along with the awkward way she and Ayato had parted the previous evening, had her stomach twisting in knots. Would Ayato bring up her strange behavior when he saw her? Would he ridicule her for sending such a dorky, cutesy message?

‘If only Saiko had used correct grammar!’ she thought miserably.

When she arrived at the cafe, she paused outside the entrance. She could see Ayato through the store window. He was standing behind the coffee bar, accompanied by Naki and Takizawa. The three of them were preoccupied with something on the counter; she couldn’t really make out what. While she hesitated, Naki looked up, his eyes locking on hers. He waved excitedly, gesturing for her to join them. Hinami bit back a groan and entered reluctantly.

Ayato looked up as she came in. Hinami met his gaze with reluctance. She was surprised to see her own apprehension mirrored on his features. He looked away quickly, crossing his arms and focusing intently on whatever was on the counter. All of a sudden Naki popped up, blocking Ayato from Hinami’s view.

“Get ready to pitch that visor, Fueguchi-san; the new uniforms are here!”

TBC...

A/n: I’m gonna tell you guys a secret. Don’t let Ayato know I told you, but...He rewrote and deleted like twenty drafts of texts. He was gonna delete that one too, but then he accidentally hit send. Oops.Thank you for reading!

#ayahina #my writing #latte hart #ayato kirishima #kirishima ayato #fueguchi hinami #hinami fueguchi #touka kirishima #tg #tgre #tgre fanfiction #fanfic

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linkspooky · 7 years

Note

any thoughts on lgbt+ characters in tokyo ghoul?? the way ishida writes them can be really controversial at times (also, your metas are always mind blowing! love this blog)

There are a lot more LGBT characters than most manga of the same genre, but having characters present does not necessarily equate to good representation. Also, I’m not the best person to ask about this because while I consider myself B and part of the community, I tend to intellectualize everything so while representation is an emotional thing for most people, and they have every right for it to be!! I want to stress this!!

Anyway, personal opinion under the cut you know the drill.

I always tend to look at it as also an interaction of genre, and the thoughts the authors had in creating the characters. Rather than a question of good and bad representation, for me it’s more like a question of what attitude does this particular character in representation, consciously or unconsciously reflect.

Anyway, so I’m going to talk to this on an angle I’m informed about, pulp. Tokyo Ghoul is pulp. Not only that, but pulp, is pulp, is pulp. Before continuing these are some good links to read on how pulp, is pulp, is pulp.

Pulp and horror aren’t technically the same thing, but they overlap enough that for this discussion let’s use them interchangeably. Now for the first question, do ghouls work as a metaphor for the oppressed, especially for queer since most of the queer characters at this point are either ghouls or half ghouls? No, not really. Queer people as far as I understand don’t eat people. Except for my cannibal bisexual friend Rosi.

There is no inherent danger in queer people, or any minority, so writing a story where there is a justified reason to fear a minority never works as a 1:1 metaphor because in reality all of those reasons are completely made up. This is what we call the x men fallacy.

However, I love X Men so I’m willing to overlook the X Men Fallacy. On a second level, do I think this story works as an X Men story then? A power fantasy for the oppressed, and on that same note… No.

The story itself has always had a clear CCG bias, and even the ghouls think that human lives are inherently worth more than theirs. We have been going about 246 chapters, and still the only character to say that killing ghouls is wrong is the one who killed them the most. Ghouls and ghoul worldbuilding is pretty cool, but the focus oddly enough is almost never on them. Kaneki is our leadthrough, and in comic time and in real life time, he spends way more time on his own, or having ghouls flock around him worshipping him as a king, or in the CCG. The time that he was in Anteiku, and basically experiencing every corner of the ghoul world as a point of view protagonist is really really small in comic time. There also isn’t really that much of a ghoul world, what Ishida sees as ghoul worldbuilding and culture isn’t much to go on. The X Men, who have way way way more divergent and inconsistent powers than ghouls, have a much stronger group identity and culture than ghouls ever will. The reason we’re presented in comic as for why ghouls are sympathetic is not because they have a culture worth preserving, but rather that it’s an inherent wrong to kill a thinking, feeling, sentient being.

So Tokyo Ghoul fails on both of those levels, but at the same time that’s clearly not what it’s trying for. Tokyo Ghoul is not a power fantasy, in fact there’s a pretty significant undercurrent on how bad power fantasies actually can be if you look at Kaneki’s arc as a whole. What Tokyo Ghoul is, is a really really strict and hard hitting tragedy, that’s specifically about oppression and how oppression sucks to live under. How oppression makes people more bitter, more defensive, and makes them spiral into worse and worse situations, and how hard overcoming that cycle really is.

In that case though, it’s almost a better read from an angle of just poverty and how that leads to crime and then prison, and then a never ending cycle, especially since money and aristocracy is brought up again and again in the manga but we’re looking at it from an LGBT angle. I think from this standpoint, there’s a couple of things the manga does really well.

126 is primarily about the CCG getting to enjoy things among the chaos, but I’ve also read it as kind of being about privilege as well. I mean, Touka and Kaneki share so many things in common with Bujin and Yoriko but they have to literally watch the wedding from outside of the circle. Look at the line that Mutsuki drops in this chapter.

This is literally what Urie’s entire arc has been about with Bujin too. He resents Bujin for being born into a happier life and having things easier than him, and Urie is kind of right. I mean, Bujin’s family is well off, the girl he loves instantly agrees to marry him, and he literally just says that he only asked her because he wanted her to cook for him. There’s a lot of that that just screams compulsory heterosexuality. In comparison look how much more complicated Urie’s life and love life in particular is in general, especially when you consider there are a lot of queer themes kind of hovering around Urie as well. Urie’s two major confirmed love interests are a gay man, and somebody who presents masculine.

The Kuroiwas in general, and also Shinohara and the rest of the old boys club, are actually a really subtle and nuanced portrayal of privilege. They are all individually nice people, but they also have no understanding or empathy of the people below them. They’re so accustomed to their lifestyles that they don’t question it, and why should they. Bujin basically acts like he was genetically created in a lab to fit the mold of masculinity. He’s never emotive, except for when he’s angry, he never really has emotional conflicts with others, he’s good and loyal to his wife. His own flaw is really that he lacks a personality or empathy, which aren’t really things necessarily to the image of masculinity. I mean, Bujin is literally… genetically suited to be a CCG officer, he has a mutation that makes him as strong as ghouls. I mean look at Aura here, she’s being kind but also she’s kind of completely invalidating Akira’s existence, by caring more about what her dead parents think of her. Which has been Akira’s dilemna the entire manga.

Noire, and pulp as a whole tend to be perceptive genres. They are built on masculine anxieties so as a side effect they tend to portray them well. This can be both a good and bad thing. Finally, let’s talk about Matsuri, who is very mcuh a Noir character. For one, he’s a character trying really hard to fit into a more masculine mold, he’s war hungry, he’s ruthless, he’s almost entirely emotionless. He is as cunning and ruthless as all of the other Washuu, but there is a single defect that makes it so he will never be a perfect Washuu.

The gay aspect of Matsuri’s character is revealed to us after his father dies, and on one hand this kind of works. After all, Matsuri has always been built up as a no nonsense character, and we had no idea where the source of his beef with the rest of the Washuu seemed to come from, but there were hints here and there. People who were far more perceptive then me even picked it up ahead of time.

His complete disinterest in his wife which he was forced to marry, and at the same time him suddenly taking an interest in Urie’s personal relationships. The way this scene is written too, we see the performative Matsuri-

Then, his father is dead and there’s no reason to perform anymore.

In a way Matsuri works as an extreme representation of being in the closet, because he quite literally has to breed (i’m sorry this is phrased so grossly there’s no way for me to phrase it better), because of the Washuu’s obsession with bloodline purity and descendants. He would have had to be straight, and masculine just as the rest of the Washuu are a representative of the straight, masculine toxicity. I mean, Furuta whose supposed to be the embodiment of all of that, ends up pulling a lot of lines like this:

There’s a level on which Matsuri works as a character. There’s also a level on which Matsuri doesn’t work. Pulp is perceptive as I said, but in noting those masculine anxieties, it oftentimes recreates them. It’s pretty clear Urie has no interest in Matsuri.

So the fact that Matsuri is just… way into him, to such over the top extents reflects a couple of undercurrents in depictions of gay men that depict them as predatory, or as somehow more inherently sexual than otherwise straight relationships. I mean… Matsuri strips naked in his office when he thinks about loving Urie for the first time, I’m not sure how that can’t be read as sexual.

Keep in mind I’m not reading this scene as a joke, let’s take it 100% seriously. Let’s give the benefit of the doubt that Ishida is not using Matsuri as just a vehicle for gay jokes and wants to keep him as a serious character, there would still be problems with this scene.

There’s a clear difference in how this monologue about Matsuri’s love and his last stand is portrayed for an explicitly gay romance.

Then the same kind of monologue is portrayed for a straight one.

I would love if Ishida were to draw Matsuri as beautifully as he does Touka, but I doubt that’s going to happen.

It’s as a said before though, this is pulp we’re dealing with. It unconsciously recreates the same kind of stereotypes and attitudes which it wishes to explore. Which is why Pulp isn’t really the best genre to go for in terms of positive representation. Same with horror, or Noire, it all tends to fall under the banner of “Exploitation.”

There are people who can reclaim exploitation and still enjoy it anyway. I mean, I love Matsuri he’s one of my favorite characters. Then again I’m not a gay japanese man, I don’t really think I have the authority as a bisexual woman to say whether or not Matsuri is something that can be appreciated for the good and bad elements of his character.

The best I can do is lay them out for you, so there they are. I think it’s also important to note that these tropes I laid out with Matsuri are not exclusive to him, predatory or overly sexualized gay men tropes appear with Nico, and even Tsukiyama who is heavily implied to be bisexual multiple times.

#metasks #matsuri washuu #Anonymous

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norihisahyuga-archived · 7 years

Note

Them ghoul ships kanehide and yomouta

i know i said you could send them but also you’re cancelled for making me think about them

werewolf: it’s quite obviously kaneki there isn’t even a question as to that is therehunter: hide but he like meets kaneki and changes his mind and decides to protect this cute white-furred wolf forever

mermaid: kaneki. beautiful black and white scales. don’t @ me.fisherman: hide. and he like, almost drowns in a storm and kaneki saves him and is shy about it and they become boyfriends after.

witch: kaneki. look he’s just all the supernatural things okay like that’s how this game works.familiar: hide. he’s like a loyal protective but also dumb and happy dog.

barista: kaneki. he’s new and shy and not great with customers but he makes the best coffee in the world so they let it slide.coffee addict: hide. because like have you met hide of course he’s hooked on caffeine there’s no other explanation.

professor: kaneki brilliant and soft-spoken and great with studentsta: hide who is shamelessly trying to get closer to his professor as a result of this

knight: hide like this is. this is canon he literally saves kaneki what the fuck.prince: kaneki who absolutely deserves to be saved, first of all, and

teacher: hide actually he’s like the nicest happiest teacher anyone can havesingle parent: kaneki and he’s the most gently concerned and loving parent in the entire world too

writer: kaneki. he’s one of those shut-ins that never does signings or anythings and mainly communicates through email.editor: hide who loves working with kaneki’s words no matter how few of them he actually gets his hands on

and then my no. 1 ghoulship

werewolf: uta who is black and radiant as the night sky and who won’t stop eating peoplehunter: yomo who is like determined to stop him which is a flip of their canon but like it would be that way i feel

mermaid: uta. and he still has his red eyes and has blood red and black scales and looks more like a predator. he has shark teeth i’ve decided.fisherman: yomo. he’s got that ruggedly handsome aesthetic down already and also he wouldn’t believe in such fantasies until he meets uta.

witch: uta. it’s basically canon at this point like i don’t. he’s just. that’s who he is and that’s how he’s always going to be he’s like a witch ghoul okay.familiar: yomo is like. a wolf. and he doesn’t like uta all that much even if they are magically connected but he hangs around anyway. dumbass.

barista: uta because like uta is good at everything he does but he just looks like if he was human he’d be a barista at an indie coffee shop.coffee addict: not like in an excitable way but yomo basically can’t live without coffee now and uta makes the best coffee so he begrudgingly pays the outrageous price for it.

professor: yomo is the professor and he’s like, super strict about deadlines except for like a handful of students he lets get away with shit.ta: uta just wants something to do in his free time so he offers and yomo hates how uta does everything but also he’s stressed and kind of needs him.

knight: yomo. also begrudgingly. i feel like that’s the story of their love is that it’s all like “fuck you actually.” anyway someone has to save the prince and everyone sucks as it who isn’t him.prince: uta is like a troublemaker is the problem, he keeps getting himself kidnapped by sneaking out of his room because he doesn’t think he should have to actually be guarded, the idiot.

teacher: yomo. same teacher type as professor type, super strict, lets a few kids slide. uta’s kid is like, infamously awful at turning in assignments.single parent: uta like gets judged So Hard on his tattoos and stuff and his hair when he shows up to parent-teacher meetings like i can feel it even though he’s actually a good dad

writer: uta who is like “deadlines are just friendly suggestions :)” who never turns in anything on time ever at all but when he does it’s surprisingly cleaneditor: yomo. and he’s so stressed. uta’s work is so easy to edit because it’s so clean but god he almost never turns it in what is he THINKING

#halfpastmonsoon #asks

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toukaisbetterthanyou · 7 years

Note

OMFG!!! I just catched up on Tokyo Ghoul Re I stopped reading at chapter 72 and I came back to see that Kaneki and Touka fucked, got married, and have a baby on the way right in front my eyes!! 😱😱😱 I’m the happiest person alive!! YIPPIE!!! My skin is clear, My crops have thrived, my vision is 20/20, I feel so live world order has been restored. 😭

Mod K:

SAME MY FRIEND. I HAVE BEEN SO ALIVE THESE PAST FEW MONTHS. NOTHING CAN GET ME DOWN. EXCEPT ISHIDA SUI MAKING EVERYTHING ALL SAD AND STRESSFUL.

#asks #replies #anons #Anonymous

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todokori-kun · 7 years

Text

The

queen is back and I’m so freaking happy <3

‘annoyed’ nothing you say is annoying ok, I’m actually just really relieved and happy that I’m helping in any way at all. Also you listen to my rambling all the time and you supported me with my anxiety (you have no idea how much our convos helped after I first saw a doctor about it and was feeling really confused about what to do) so ‘what did I do to deserve you’ is probably what I should be saying to you.

Tbh when things are as serious as you’ve described then you’re definitely not overreacting. Like I said before, I’m always ready to listen/talk when you need to. And you don’t have to stress about replies; I honestly don’t mind at all as long as you’re ok.

Thank you Queen Luna you’re the best ;-;

Also, good news and bad news:

Bad news- A bit after I sent the last message mom apparently found out about Tumblr and decided that I probably shouldn’t get an account here because of all the NSFW content. I get why she’s worried so I guess I won’t be getting an account here for a while.

Good news- HOWEVER, I was chatting with someone on ao3 and they asked if we could move our convo somewhere else. They recommended something called Discord so I got an account there. If you’ve never heard of Discord it’s basically a voice and text chat system usually used by gamers, but it seems to be pretty popular among non-gamers too. PMing is possible there :D (The only flaw is that you can’t send very long messages, so you have to send multiple short ones, which is a bit annoying…but otherwise it’s pretty neat so maybe we can try it if you’re ok with that?)

XD yeah that’s actually pretty accurate.

*reads Luna’s message*

*inhale*

UM. DO YOU HAvE ANY IDEA HOW AMAZING YOU ARE. LET ME TRY TO BE A GOOD, SUPPORTIVE FRIEND AND TELL YOU

Yep it was one of the grossest things that ever happened to me OTL I’m still swimming but I’m taking a long break right now- a break that started because my little sister broke her toe and we were basically stuck at home taking care of her (the pool is a bit far for me to go on my own so if mom’s stuck at home so am I), and then got longer because the pool’s old and some things had to be ‘fixed’, and then got even longer because my coach is getting married (just reread that and realized that I sound super annoyed, I’m actually not, I have no problem with my coach getting married XD). I’ll probably start again around next month, though :)

Thanks ^^

Oooh are you a comic fan??? I haven’t read any superhero comics because there seem to be so many AUs(?)/different timelines so trying to figure out where to start is really confusing, plus I actually sorta prefer manga/manhwa art styles (not that wester comics are bad- a lot of them have really good art too, I just personally prefer the manga/manhwa styles (especially for the panels). Also the ecchi-ish costumes/anatomy for almost every single female superhero gets a bit ridiculous sometimes lol). Some of them seem really fun, though, and I’d like to try them out someday…

It’s really cool that you’ve been a fan of T'challa for so long, it must’ve been even more exciting to see him in the movie :D

Imagine everyone watching The Winter Soldier together. Then the 'brainwashed bucky’ scenes start.

Illumi: *stares intently at the screen*

Illumi: I see no problem with this.

Watching Civil War and Leorio goes Dad Mode and covers Gon’s and Killua’s eyes when Hisoka starts making…innappropriate…noises during the fight scenes

(Hisoka low-key writing reader insert lemons about various MCU heroes. Most likely Natasha (because she’s a lot like Machi, his only female crush so far), Bruce (how Hisoka would love to unleash the beast), Thor (he’s a literal GOD imagine how badly he could mess Hisoka up *schwing*), Wanda, and Vision (he probably liked Loki too before Loki got beat up by the Hulk and Hisoka was like ‘oh I have a new senpai’)

Then Illumi gets Milluki (his tech genius little brother) to hack into Hisoka’s computer for info and is like 'what is this Hisoka I do not understand why you derive pleasure from this trash’)

Everyone thinks Gon should relate to Tony on a personal level but he doesn’t, because despite being a sunshine angel he’s also a freaking weird kid who doesn’t hate Ging. At all. (Though that might have something to do with the fact that he doesn’t even consider Ging his parent in the first place; he never even calls him 'dad’ or 'my father’)

Killua, on the other hand, relates to Bucky a bit too much and thinks HYDRA is basically the Zoldyck family.

Everybody’s Team Cap except for Illumi, who’s Team Iron Man (“Why would you want to break the rules?”), and then Hisoka randomly shows up like 'Team Hulk ;)’

Every time Howard Stark is mentioned everyone just stares at Ging, who shifts uncomfortably

(Yeah did I tell you about the time Leorio punched Ging for being a trash dad?)

OMG. Thank you for that. I’ve seen a lot of 'Hisoka as the clown from the 'It’ movie’ posts on tumblr but never any fanart for that idea. Run, Gon. Run.

I’m considering teaching myself to animate just to make those animatics XD

(Also, random thing: it’s Chuseok over here (basically like the Korean version of Thanksgiving, I guess?) and usually, people recieve money from older relatives during holidays like this in Korea. I got about 80 dollars (50 from my maternal grandparents, 10 from my paternal grandfather and 20 from my uncle) so I’m debating on what to spend it on: It’s either a tablet so I can learn how to do digital art (I’m thinking about polishing my drawing skills for a while and then making a webcomic. My parents support this so they’re willing to pay a little extra for a tablet) or a ukulele (I like the piano but I realized a while ago that it’d be great to have an instrument that I can carry around, so I did some research and the ukulele seems good. I really like the sound so I’m willing to put some effort into learning it). Idk which one I should choose, though. Technically the tablet should be my priority but I also like the ukulele…

(and idek why I mentioned this either, guess the talk about animating reminded me of the tablet lol))

I thrive on angst. Tragedy fuels me. (But tbh HxH is a LOT darker than I was prepared for. I’m currently shipping an ant king with a genius human girl and I know from spoilers that they’re both going to die)

Yeah, she’s alive :D but apparently Kaneki is now 'dead’ (though I don’t think he is really, if Ishida kills him off now (after all the stuff with Hide? All the character development Ken hasn’t gotten yet? When he still hasn’t talked about anything with Shuu or Hinami or even Akira?) and gives us a new protagonist or something I might finally rage-quit this series.

Or not, since with all the Touken stuff and Kaneki being sorta insensitive ever since he became the OEK…maybe a new protagonist is what we need?). I was liking all the parallels with Arima in the first series until this, because it was just…um. I think my main problem with the whole thing is the freakng PACING because it just feels so clunky and awkward. This is probably one of those chapters that will be really good if Ishida somehow manages to connect it with the next chapters and has everything make sense later, but if he doesn’t do it well it’s going to suck forever OTL

At least TG finally confirmed Naki’s death, though. I mean, the ideal situation for me is if he never died in the first place, but at least a confirmed death is better than Ishida suddenly bringing him back to life after that panel with Yamori. And his death scene was handled well. (Now please just tell me that he, Kanae and Hairu aren’t coming back as Kanou-Furuta zombies and I will be semi-satisfied)

Also AOT if you haven’t read the new chapter yet spoilers but

(The-Reiner-Eren reunion I HAVE WAITED SO. LONG FOR THIS

Also Eren’s grandad ;-;

And maybe we’ll finally be seeing Annie again soon since she’s been appearing in so many flashbacks and Reiner’s probably going to ask about her if he and Eren get to actually talk

Love those hints about something finally starting to change

ANOTHER PERSON FROM MIKASA’S CLAN? I hope we see this lady again, she’s lovely

I can’t believe how much the art has improved, it actually looks GOOD now 0.0)

Aw, that’s ok! I’ll be looking forward to seeing it when you get a new skirt :D

Yeah, I’m really excited for OC’s name too…must be something important if they’re keeping it hidden for this long. I guess it’s French (or a word from some other non-English language) since 'Ciel’ is French for 'Sky’…and it probably has a meaning related to the sky since they’re twins. Idk. Maybe it’s the word for 'star’ ('etoile’) since stars are also a big thing in this arc?

Looking forward to your reaction! I haven’t read the novel yet but from what I know it sounds great :D (also I cannot resist the L + Naomi duo even if they never actually interacted in manga/anime canon)

Btw, is it ok if I ask how far you’ve gotten with the DN anime?

(Also fun fact: Ryuk was originally designed to look like a handsome young man (an 'attractive rock star’, in the words of DN’s creators. You can find a pic of his original design on google). His design was changed because the creators felt like he was overshadowing Light XD

But also, I just found a post on tumblr that said Takeshi Obata (DN’s artist) mentioned that Ryuk’s face in canon could just be a mask to hide his true appearance…which means that he could technically still look like that in canon. Wow. I actually think I have the book where it says Obata mentioned that, I have to go and check it now lol)

Watch it if you dare and prepare to weep over all the wasted potential, because now that I read/watch more about it I guess the saddest thing is that it COULD have been great. I mean, like I said, the visuals are REALLY good, L’s actor could have been a good L if not for the bad script, Ryuk’s actor/design were also super great (it’s just his role in the movie and his motivations they messed up ;-;)…

I don’t watch Avatar (I’d like to when I have the time, though, because it seems like a great show) but I’ve heard of that movie and tbh I can’t even.

Ty :D (Ayy the queen said I’d make a cute Peridot *fangirls*

You’re also my closest friend right now and I love talking to you so much <3 thank you for everything Luna.)

See this is why you’re awesome. Thank you so much ;-; (and what, did Queen Luna mention me to her parents. Did I make a good impression. Omg. (jk, jk lol))

Also: I’d like to rec a song to you, it’s called 'Lovely’ by Twenty One Pilots :D

Oh look I actually replied within a week :’)

OK ILL START W DISORD BC IM EXCITE. I already have one, from a while ago, my # is 5773! So add me whenever you want ^^ ((But please just send me a short message here, cause I turned notifs off for it, so i can turn them on again ^^)) Well, uh, here’s the thing about short messages. If a site/app has an instant message feature, you can bet I’ll be the one to split a sentence into 10 separate messages for dramatic effect… So, uh, prepare to have 42 new messages instead of like 4 waiting when you open the app ^^

I never ever ever have any problems with listening to you. I just appreciate you’re comfortable enough with me to be able to come to me. Honestly, I truly appreciate you in my life, especially considering that you can always reassure me with your words ^^ Truly a writer’s talent :p

Well, I’m going to a psychologist soon, so we’ll see what they’ll say. Idk tho, I dont think I even care anymore. I just want this stomach thing to pass as soon as possible.

Ouch, I hope your sister is better now… I’ve never broken anything so I wouldn’t know the feeling. Aww, coaches getting married is actually the cutest thing ever XD My archery coach got married a few years back and she was practically glowing. Ah, if you don’t mind me asking, do you have a particular stroke you specialise in or do you just swim everything?

I could say the same about comic/manga styles. Tbh, I don’t really consider myself a comic fan? When I was a kid, I used to buy the children’s comics to ward off boredom, but never really continued after I got into reading actual books. Black Panther happened to be among those comics and I remembered him when they mentioned T’Challa in CW. I wonder if i still have those old comics somewhere… But yeah, i was pretty excited when they mentioned him XD

That viewing actually sounds amazing… I get the feeling they’d all want to do an in depth analyzation of the characters? (But idk i don’t really know the characters that well) except for Hisoka, who’s probably just schwinging around being creepy per usual. I’m torn between wanting to read those lemons and just backing the fuck away…. Probably read like a paragraph and then set everything on fire. Yeah, that sounds good.

I presume you’re not gonna watch IT? Random, but i thought of it bc of the fanart… Tbh I won’t watch it either. I’ve never watched a single horror movie in my life and i intend to keep it that way. Unless you count Coraline as horror, which I actually would in some ways? Idk tho, that movie traumatised me. Not even joking when I say I occasionally have nightmares related to it. Advice; if you haven’t, DO NOT WATCH CORALINE. Don’t be fooled by the fact that it’s a cartoon. I mean 9 is a cartoon, but it’s also freaking dark. HAPPY TREE FRIENDS IS A CARTOON AND I WOULDNT TOUCH THE VIDEOS WITH A 9 FOOT POLE. Long story short, cartoons are not a joke.

For some reason I confused the Ukulele with a Lute and was like ‘I’m not gonna judge, but… why?’ then i actually googled it and realised I’m an idiot. But, um, I can’t say anything other than it’s your choice and you should do whatever would make you happier? There’s that trick of throwing a penny in the air and if you’re disappointed when it lands heads/tails, you know you want the other one. Idk, tho, both options sound equally nice!

… HxH gets weirder every time you tell me about it

KANEKI IS WHAT NOW Um, okay then.... alrighty...

guess who dropped TG again

WELL FUCK IM SCREAMING ABOUT THE NEW CHAPTER WHOAH EREN’T GRAMPA WHOAH THE REUNION However, the best part is Reiner acting like a dad during the festival

Oooh Etoile would be interesting!

I’m still at the ep where L dies ;-; I haven’t had the time to move forward, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to watch some during this weekend

Well, uh. My mom came into my room while I was writing this and had to ask me why i was crying (I’m pretty sure she thought I was having one of my all-time-lows again). The reason why I was actually crying? The song. Words can’t express my gratitude. I’d download it, but tbh I feel like I’ll start ugly sobbing again every time I listen to it...

random note, i started going to school by train! It’s actually a lot nicer than the bus and cheaper XD Idk why i put this here but yay

#evans #submission

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