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silkythewriter · 4 months

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Hello! Can I request alastor x reader where the two were married while they were alive, but reader died via illness or something and went to hell (though they never partaked in the cannibalism) and the reunite in hell?

“I'll love you 'til I'm dead”

Warning!: Angst, but eventually fluff! A bit of OOC since I haven’t written in awhile.. (.,.)💧

Fandom!: Hazbin hotel!

Author note: LONGGGGG TIME NO SEE, HIYA! IM SO SORRY FOR MY HIATUS OF SORTS BUT I FELT LIKE WRITING SUM SMALL ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ I apologize!, I hope you guys enjoy and I’m so sorry for disagreeing yet again!.

Summary!: Spouse! Reader dying via sickness, but reuniting with alastor in hell.

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

Louise (Louise)

I'll love you 'til I'm dead

Louise (Louise)

Not even if she likes the way you dance

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

First of all, he cherished you to the fullest content. As stuck up as he seems to be smile and all, he was in desperate need of support and attention. And you supplying both of those was all he needed even if he didn’t say out loud the tender touches and moments you both shared alone was enough to tell you everything.

Your relationship was nothing less then sweet and tender, and depending if you knew of his..ahem..little side hobby, it was innocent as well!

He cared for you so deeply, so desperately, to the point where you became his tie to humanity. Of course he knew how to play a role of a sane man, but even then he needed you to tie him to the small humanity and sanity he had.

Although not a big fan of physical affection himself he would in private of course, indulge in your soft touches, and hold. He and there he may quietly slip next to you just so you could softly run you fingers across his skin.

But of course the unviable happen, as the world ripped him of what he held so dear. Maybe as a punishment for his sins and misdeeds, or simply because it could.

Of course in the 30’s medicine was far from advanced, not only that but expensive. So when the news arrived of your newly found sickness all he could do was smile and nod at the doctor as if he wasn’t receiving the most dreadful news.

At first, he genuinely did hope for a recovery, he believed you would get better. Sure a tiny voice in his head was feeding him scary thoughts, and his gut twisted and turned. He felt something was off but surely it was nothing!, right?.

But as your health deteriorated so did his mental state and sanity, even worse then it once was. He put up a front though, for your sake and his, comforting you and saying how you’ll be fine soon, and recover then both of you could go off and do something you always wanted to do.

At some points of repeating this it really turned into him assuring himself. That your not leaving him, no, not anytime soon.

The more you fell ill the more you watched him spiral infront of you. And all you really could do was stare at him with sadden eyes as you gave comforting touches against his cheek or holding him close, even if you could barely pull yourself up from the bed you laid.

You felt your time coming close to ending, and somehow so did he. But unlike you he denied it to the fullest extent.

“Please dear don’t speak of such things, don’t worry yourself. You’ll be fine you’ll see!, now just rest my dear”

He wanted to believe it’ll pass over anytime now, ignoring the doctors he spent fortunes on. And sometimes he does blame them even if they just told the truth. He hated how they couldn’t help you, how he couldn’t help you.

So the day of you passing was the day he lost his final tie to humanity. If not for you, why give such a nasty world mercy?.

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

The minute they lowered your casket and buried you with the dirt is also the day he decided to amp up his murders.

He’s not sloppy with his murders their always calculated and tidy but grossem. Even with this, losing you he couldn’t concentrate which didn’t help his case as his blood lust grew and grew.

Each and every murder his mind went blank, thoughts of you kept flooding in that he desperately wanted to rip from his mind.

If a woman that wore you same fragrant passed him. She would be gone in a matter of days.

Nights were colder, harsher, he always assumed karma would catch up to him, but to him not you.

He often questioned what happened how did it happen. How did you even get such a illness?, and why did it have to be you?. We’re you in heaven watching him in his pitiful state? Was there even such a thing?. If there was…he surely wasn’t going to see you he knew where he was damned to go, but you?, he was sure you deserved the Pearl-ist set of wings.

Depending on the days, months or years following your death, he’s like a ticking time bomb.

He yearns for you in such a way he’s humiliated at it in a way. He misses you desperately, widowed too soon, he always assumed it would be you to be in this position, but he assumed wrong.

Even then he couldn’t tell if he could subject you to the twist of his heart and guts. He would beg to die before you, but the pain he feels now is something he would never want you to feel.

Following thoughts of your death was also his. Would he get to see you soon?, one last glance before being damned?.

He never truly moved on, cause you were his only love. Loving someone for him atleast, was rare in a romantic sense.

At some point he genuinely does just continue his murders till his death, maybe it was your passing that truly killed him. After your passing he was a bit hasty, maybe that’s what lead him to be shot in the woods. But who truly knows?

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

Now, after his death is where everything truly came together.

His rise to power was fairly quick killing overloads one by one gaining more voices on his radio.

But the lingering feeling of hope stayed in him…maybe you were here? Waiting for him?, But at the same time he hated this life for you, in such a miserable and disgusting yet admittedly amusing place(at least to him)

Now depending on how you found him maybe the minute his radio debuted. Or maybe by a game of telephone by the residents in hell whispering rumors and describing someone all to familiar to you.

Either way! You guys do eventually find each other. By chance or destiny is up to you

The minute he spots you, hears you, even senses you, he freezes. His smile never flattering but static surrounding the area as he processes what’s happening. Is this some sort of trick?, how..how did you end up here?

In a matter a seconds though he’s in front of you, looming as his shadow grows in suspense.

He holds his appearance and self image very important but in this tiny moment of silence. He lets it slip even if just a bit, smile never faltering but I’m his eyes a glimpse of renewed joy. Genuine joy, not form the harms of others but from something warm…something bitter sweet.

Maybe it’s you who pipes up snapping him from observing you like a painting in a museum.

“See?” You said softly grabbing his hand gently like you used to do, as you softly brought it to your face and softly planted it on your cheek. “I’m real” you said with a soft smile (SILENT HILL REFERENCE!!¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Depending on where you are he’s quick to whisk you away to somewhere secluded.

Despite the questions on his mind all he can do is silently stare at you taking in ever detail, even if some changes here and there, you were still you. The you that he missed so desperately for all too long.

Even if not one for physical affection he’s quick with holding you, scared of you being taken from him again, taking in all he can.

Your so much more precious then he leads on, and he’ll be damned to second hell if he loses you again.

In the period of first meeting you again he is keen on keeping an eye one you 24/7, doesn’t matter what powers or how long you survived without him in hell. He can’t risk it, especially not now as he started accumulating enemies so quickly.

He’ll treat you like it’s your first time dating, of course in his old time-y way, but either surprising you with flowers at random times of the day, or watching you get giddy when he kisses the crown of your head.

Now that he knows, and felt the pain of losing you, every moment you have together form than on is cherished more than before. He remembers every day with you like the back of his hand, what you ate, what you said, what you wore, and more!

He know’s…he knows he’s a messed up, and vail man. He understands the gruesome things he’s done with little to no regret. But if he did in somehow and some way do good, something good to earn you back in his afterlife man is he greatful for it.

Some nights he does just stare at you. He’s scared, he will never show it but he is. If he loses you again, for eternity, he’s not sure what’d he do with himself. And that, the fact you weight so heavily on him is the second scariest thing, first being losing you.

Over all, he’s taken aback having you back, but he gets use to it very quickly, your soft comforting touches and your voice that brings back a flood of memories is something he will never forget nor let ago, he isn’t losing you this time, and he’ll do anything to make sure of that.

ꕥ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ꕥ

WOW THAT WAS LONG, I LOVED WRITING IT THOUGH OH MY GOSH I LOVED THIS IDEA, PLEASE REQUEST AGAIN!!! \(^ヮ^)/

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viburnt · 9 months

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Divorcing Izuku Midoriya Headcanons

I'm on a creative rush, and this may make zero sense because I'm tired lmao. Anyways, have some angst <3

Tagging the babes: @doumadono @shonen-brainrot @trickster-kat @angelshimaa (babe, you've missed some very angsty posts) @xhieru @mimisxs @dabislittlemouse

Content Warning: Divorce, emotional abuse and manipulation, mention of baby-trapping, alcohol.

• As I said in my last post, divorcing Izuku is a nightmare. Think about the most energy-draining and mental health deteriorating process, and multiply it for a minimum of 6 months. Izuku won't make things easy for you at all, trying to drag and prolong the whole ordeal just to keep you close. I've divided this set of headcanons by key moments/topics to keep some order. I hope you enjoy them, I'm pouring my heart on these (also pay attention to detail because I'm working on something hehe).

Denial and confusion: the first days after you serve him papers

• Izuku genuinely doesn't understand why you want to leave, refusing to accept the fact that you're not happy being by his side. He's given you all there is to give: a comfortable house, nice clothes, expensive cars, etc. So when you serve him papers, Izuku's first reaction is confusion followed by fear. In that head of his, he's made everything a good husband has to do! So why? Why would you not be happy?

• If you were smart enough and planned your movements with care, you should be able to go through your divorce without depending financially on Izuku or having to live in the same place. You'd have to deal with his incessant calls and texts, often having to block unknown numbers to avoid hearing his whines, but it'd be less difficult. If you weren't thoughtful about the situation and proceeded without the right steps, oh, you're in for a treat: there's nowhere you can go besides the house you shared with him, no place where you can be at peace. You're at Izuku's mercy, like it or not, but that's another story.

• In addition to his denial, Izuku starts to (unconsciously) guilt trip you. Phrases like "Sorry for not being enough," and "I know I'm very pathetic" become frequent. It pains your heart to hear those things because you know Izuku loves you, you are just not compatible at all. You try to let him see it's not about being enough, it's more about effort; with much patience, you set things clear to avoid any misunderstandings, but Izuku just doesn't get it.

• "Haven't I done this or that for you? Didn't I buy you all these things? Am I not enough?" "Izuku, I didn't ask you for any of this, all I wanted was my husband..." Conversations like this occur during this phase, and they can only be held through the phone (when he is sober and not yelling/hollering how much of a mistake a divorce would be). He tries to gauge sympathy from you, telling you that his job is important but that he loves you so much!

• He becomes an empty shell of the bright ray of sunshine the public knew. It goes unnoticed by many, but the people who work around him can tell. It is then when he starts telling others about his marital situation, and you end up seeing faces you've met once or twice during galas or hero events. You "accidentally" stumble across your husband's colleagues, like Ochako, who try to convince you to give him a second chance. "I- I know we don't know each other a lot but please, consider it. Izuku is a great guy a-and I'm sure you guys could fix any problem!" It is embarrassing for you because no one wants people to know their issues.

• What's so ironic about the moment when you serve him papers is that he receives them at his office, the very root of all the problems in your marriage. It was the place where he had spent anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's... those four walls witnessed the beginning and the end of your relationship. Izuku has a mental breakdown when he finally reads the documents but, hey, he was still pro-hero Deku, right?

Negotiations and lawyers: The first weeks and months

• If having to deal with Izuku's colleagues trying to change your mind wasn't enough, be ready for your soon-to-be ex trying to negotiate. Midoriya suggests couple's therapy to talk this through, and for a split of second, it almost sounds like a good idea! But then you remember all those times when Izuku had promised you he'd be there for you and failed. It didn't seem plausible after that... Besides, all things considered, it'd be hard to find a therapist who could see your side of the story. Who would dare to tell someone as charming and popular as Izuku that he failed as a husband?

• Once therapy is off the table, Izuku brings up children. It may be considered a low blow, especially if one of your dreams was to form a family with him, so his offer felt cruel. "W-we can have kids! Wouldn't you want that? We can be a big family, with one- No, two babies!" "Ouch, it takes a divorce for you to even think about it, huh? That's uh, slightly concerning. Besides, a kid needs a father too... I'm not planning on being a single mom in this marriage" Now, Izuku strikes me as the kind that would try to . to stay. I'm sorry if it sounds terrible, but considering how sometimes he acts on impulse, he really could try it.

• Izuku also tries to be at home more often; he "cooks" (it's takeout disguised as home meals), brings you coffee to the bed, and calls you all kinds of sappy nicknames... It saddens you, why couldn't he care like that before? Of course, this point only applies if you still live with him during this whole process. If you don't, he starts frequenting the places where he guessed could find you: cafeterias, plazas, shops...

• Finding a lawyer for you was a hard task, especially because everyone sees you as a "dumb" woman who is trying to divorce Japan's number one hero. Not to mention they were very expensive, and Izuku was certainly not giving you money for that. You tell Izuku that mediations need to happen to progress with the divorce, but he never shows up to the meetings. There's always an excuse for that man! No matter how much you plea, he refuses to sign the paper. Izuku also becomes very mean towards you, outright berating you for not understanding him. It's gruesome to see him turn into such a monster during these months.

• As an additional point for this part, Izuku hires a private investigator to follow you around. He feels bad for thinking of it, but the idea that you could be seeing someone else while you're trying to divorce him eats him alive.

Last resort: Mediatic battle

• The media is very quick to pick up your marriage's fall down. Time after time you visited your lawyer's office for them to put two and two together, and Izuku takes that to his advantage. Sensationalist articles had already been happening, a lot of them being cruel and demeaning towards you. Titles like "Is she a cheater?" "No amount of success gives you the girl!" And "Pro-hero Deku will be looking for a new wife soon" started popping up. You have to take down any social platform to avoid being targeted.

• It is when Izuku gives a public declaration that things get worse. "I'm sorry, my wife is just not happy with me anymore. Please respect her wish! Don't harass her, I failed as a husband." It may seem like a hearty and sorrowful declaration from the outside, but Izuku picked word by word to gain sympathy and pressure you into changing your mind. People in the street call you "heartless", and the stress simply keeps growing for you.

• To put it in simple words, you were David against Goliath, except Goliath was a glorified person who had all the resources and support of the people. You were nothing but a tiny mouse squeaking to be set free of a relationship that was suffocating you.

The aftermath: Supposing you haven't given up and he signed the divorce papers

• If you somehow manage to divorce him after all these problems, congratulations. You survived 5% of the drama that awaits you! Now you won't be able to date someone without people snapping photos for entertainment news or judging you for leaving "such a great man". Izuku will still try to convince you to go back to him, playing his "sad lover" role in front of the cameras so well! He'll try to send expensive gifts and tell you to keep the house, he'll call you drunk in the middle of the night, and if you're not careful enough, he may try to gaslight you into thinking nothing wrong was happening in your marriage.

• One particular thing I must mention is that Izuku only signed the papers after you yelled at him at one of the legal mediations, hot embarrassment tears falling from your tired eyes as you begged him to let you go.

• Anyways, the list could go on, but those are the main points of divorcing Izuku :')

"Please, just sign the papers..." You said through the phone, your voice tired of pleading to someone who simply refused to hear you. "I will, I will! I'm just a little under the snow with work. Can you reschedule?" Izuku said, apologizing for not being there for you. Excusing himself for failing you, but refusing to let go. "You know how many articles I've seen with my face saying how much of bitch I am for visiting my lawyer's office?"

Izuku's silence was deafening, you could only hear him sigh slightly, perhaps feeling bad for putting you in such a position. "I don't want this divorce."

"But I do, so don't make things more difficult for me, please." He heard you say, biting his lip to hold back the tears. Izuku was glad you couldn't see him, sitting alone in his office with a half-empty bottle of wine you'd gifted him for his birthday. "Do you remember what day is today?" He asked.

"I don't know, Monday? I haven't slept lately." You answered unamused. "It's our anniversary... we married 5 years ago, on this very day." His words came out as a slow slur, his breath hitching as he crumbled through the phone. "I miss you a lot, please-"

"I'll see you on Wednesday, if you're not there I swear to God..."

...

"Mr. Midoriya?" Your lawyer called, her voice bringing your anxious husband back to reality. "Ah, sorry, it's me. Is... is she in there?" He asked, pointing at her office. She just looked at him with little sympathy and nodded. "On time, as always. Maybe you should avoid keeping her waiting, that's the least you could considering how many times we've had these conversations."

"There's no way I can fix this, is there?" Izuku asked as if the lawyer cared. "Wanna do something nice for her? Divorce her."

#my hero academia #izuku midoriya x reader #deku x reader #deku angst #izuku midoriya angst #divorced Au! Yeah I think Im gonna make a whole Au #I need a nap #Feedback is appreciated

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apollos-olives · 1 month

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might need to take a break for a while. my mental and physical health has deteriorated significantly these past few weeks and i genuinely cannot keep pretending like i'm still fine.

#turning off my dms too cuz i cant stand it anymore #i can't help people if i can't take care of myself

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youre-my-worst-nightmare · 8 months

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Children cannot consent to hormone therapy or gender reassignment surgery. These are literally life altering and can fuck up someone’s life, especially a kid who is in the process of puberty, or hasn’t even started yet.

11 year olds still think they can be a doctor, lawyer, and astronaut at the same time.

14 year olds are in middle school and are going through the period in their life where they will hate themselves and their bodies the most because of puberty and peers.

16 year olds usually don’t even know what they want to major in in college or do with their lives.

The fact that TRAs are so desperate to have children mutilate their bodies because they want to show everyone that “queer kids exist” is one of the most disturbing things about the community and I don’t think we talk about it enough. I am genuinely concerned for the next generation. Children are not your props. Stop bringing them into this!

T/W for mentions of SH and eating disorders

This is written by someone who was indoctrinated into the trans cult as a preteen

People constantly encouraged me to hate my body and were in complete support of me when I said I wanted to cut off my in growing breasts. The self hatred was condoned so much that my mental health deteriorated to the point of self harm.

If someone who self harms tells you about it, you don’t hand them the knife.

If someone with an eating disorder tells you about it, you don’t help keep the food away from them.

And if someone tells you they hate their body and want to get a surgery to remove their genitals, which could seriously fuck with their physical health, you don’t cheer them on and call them heroes.

#Children can’t consent #trans critical #Terf #Terfblr #gender critical

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wovenstarlight · 1 year

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and another rant i have built up over jinjae is their everything around food. the first instance i can remember is the courtesy chocolates SHJ brings HYJ after the Babar dungeon, when he's in the hospital (chapters 80/81), which he says is for HYJ due to the stress he must be feeling over HYH. and then immediately kills any goodwill in the very next sentence by going Wowww you're so useful and i'd love to acquire you etc etc. HYJ's not even the one who accepts them from SHJ, that's BYR, and later HYJ says he only eats them because he has nothing better to do (no other option than SHJ, huh...) and even then the Dokkaebi ends up eating half the box. gift that's barely accepted.

the next instance i can think of is post-human trafficking auction in chapter 127 where SHJ makes him eggs, but. well. literally as he's cooking they have this exchange:

(this got so fucking long i had to put it under a cut. takes your hand come with me on this journey)

[SHJ] “I’d like for you to stay unharmed until I grow bored. Mentally, I mean.” [HYJ] “And my body doesn’t matter?” [SHJ] “If your bulk decreases, you’ll be easier to carry around.”

so "i'm making food for you" but also "i don't care if your health deteriorates and/or you lose weight, as long as you're useful". an interesting combination of messages to send, given that HYJ's also struggling in this scene to figure out what SHJ wants from him, what with seemingly looking out for him and his loved ones by lending Sillekia to BYR for fighting HYH, but also still continuing with this "my item" shit and only looking at him for his usefulness. but this instance IS notable in that it's the first time SHJ cooks for HYJ. a slight turning point in their relationship...?

it does seem so cuz after that... HYJ becoming sick of orange- and apple-flavored mana potions because he chugs them so often, and SHJ responding to this in chapter 185 (birthday arc, before HYJ admitted he stole his memories) by acquiring swiss chocolate-flavored mana potions for him. already he's started with the little treats.

and then. sorry i'm feeling the 216 feelings. 1 minute. Okay normal. and then. yes once again it's chapter 216, when SHJ first starts making readably genuine attempts at kindness towards HYJ, starting the entire interaction by making him a drink that "looked like it was just juice, but it was actually sweet. Tasty." normal behavior from SHJ to rent out the entire rooftop pool and bar to show off his bartending skills to HYJ btw.

then the VR dungeon arc, where SHJ can't see HYJ until he installs the first disc, but the moment he does he starts being absolutely unbearable, the relevant part being when HYJ's reached Achates and is stressed out over HYH's treatment to the point of losing his appetite, at which point SHJ sends him the "Must Eat Well" quest to coax him into eating, rewarding him with chocolate-flavored mana potions, which HYJ himself admits remind him of SHJ:

‘But why are they chocolate-flavored?’ It made me think of that person. It had tasted good.

we're told in chapter 249 that SHJ needs to expend tremendous effort to give HYJ quest rewards and that whatever he gives usually gets cut down (he's talking about point conversions there but i suspect it applies to other rewards as well). so to specifically seek out two potions, especially ones he knows HYJ will prefer more than the common fruit-flavored ones... [puts on my large jinjae-shaped sunglasses like that shit they sell for new years]

and ok i jumped ahead to 249 for the rewards thing but come back to 245 with me and look at that series of cooking quests SHJ sent HYJ to guide him through cooking dinner for himself and HYH. copying over my discord messages from when this chapter dropped for this part of the analysis:

ALSO SPEAKING OF SHJ that chain of quests at the end. he is driving me crazy but yes the cooking quests. like. okay. I mentioned before [...] that I considered this a jinjae scene chapter because. the layers of it all right. he sees hyj wants to cook for his brother but can't decide what to make/how to make it cuz the decision paralysis is hitting after the longass day he's had. so he goes ahead and picks a meal and gives him step by step instructions. overly specific so hyj doesn't hit some dumb roadblock like "idk where the spatula is" and lose it for real. it took multiple quests to give the instructions it might've been easier to give him a prepared meal from whatever store he's picking these rewards from but he spent that time anyway because I'm pretty sure going through the process soothed hyj. normality after the Everything of it all. and then at the end of it because he Knows hyj is prone to not eating when he gets stressed he baits him into eating with rewards. like. Bro. Bro like. OUGH. he cares. he cares.... AND ALSO THAT LAST FUCKING QUEST "made with a spoonful of your partner's love" IS NOT SOMETHING THE SYSTEM WOULD SAY SHJ I KNOW YOURE LEANING INTO "OH NO THE SYSTEMS ALTERING MY MESSAGES DW" AND LETTING YOUR FEELINGS SHOW. YOUR PAPER THIN MASK overemotional over cooking. god. god and even after the cooking thing knowing that hyj would freak upon waking up and not seeing hyh and so keeping an eye on hyh and sending him a quest to tell him where he is.... like fuck dude. FUCK!

ok that's enough of that excerpt this is starting to derail from food analysis. wait hold on actually 249's point about the cost of sending quests and rewards makes the cooking quest series even more impactful because how much did SHJ spend to go to that level of detail and care for HYJ!!!

anyway back to food analysis. 256 where HYJ dies to the inscription process and SHJ purposely serves him bitter tea and sweet cookies to point out that he shouldn't take rewards that come at great costs. SHJ you really love communicating things to people through food, huh? but the fact that the second he's understood SHJ takes away the bitter tea and replaces it with something less bitter and more savory. the fact that when the scout finds him, the last thing SHJ does, even after draping his coat over HYJ to protect him from the shards of falling sky, is refill his teacup. the fact that HYJ drinks it and thinks about how it's warm.

GOD!!! do you see my vision. do you see. SHJ and HYJ and cooking and eating as an act of caring. an act of love.

#star.txt #my sranks #jinjae #han yoojin #sung hyunjae #nsglb #im probably gonna put these in the queue so i see them again later in case i remember something to add

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skys-archive · 3 months

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I genuinely feel so confused and lost with my disability.

I have post treatment lyme disease, I was tested positive for lymes years after gaining treatment. But all of my symptoms are unconventional. They're all things that have been loosely linked to lymes but I don't have the conventional symptoms. I have fatigue but it's not my main overbearing symptom like it is for most people. I never had the bullseye rash and my main problem has always been joint and muscle pain and stiffness. I have tics and recently I've been having a horrible deterioration of fine motor skills. I can walk but I often have to choose between activities. If I am at a full day activity that's not very laborious, I might not be able to participate in my band or theatre. I've always had to choose between school and other things or work and other things.

One day of work for 4 hours leaves me bedridden for a day. I've been unable to draw and put on clasp necklaces or any other fine motor skills. I want a wheelchair to conserve energy and not be hurting all the time but ptlds isn't a "real" disability so I can't get one that best suits my needs covered by insurance and I'm not sure I'm able to get one on my own.

All of this is just, not conventional to ptlds. I feel like there's something else going on but I don't know how to get doctors to test me. I don't know how to keep them from saying no we don't need to test for that. I feel like lyme is not all that this is and I want to be able to have a "real" disability and be seen and accommodated and I just feel so lost and hopeless.

I'm at the best mentally I've been ever, but my physical health is just getting worse and worse with no answers.

I don't know what to do and everything just feels so hopeless.

#disability #chronic pain #chronic illness #physical disability #dynamic disability #chronic lyme #post treatment lyme disease #ptlds #lyme disease #chronic fatigue #ataxia #loss of fine motor skills

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maiko-san · 10 months

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TADC x Robotic Jester Reader ( Part 1 )

You have a robotic jester avatar that is straight up Fizzarolli.

(Y/o/n) : Your other name

The reader is non-binary ( Reader is a Yes ), age 23.

Ft. Kinger, Ragatha and Caine

Part 2

The last thing you remember was putting on a headset and boom, you spawned in a circus and forgot your name.

Great.

The ringmaster names Caine gave you a new name which was (Y/o/n). You accept your new name and your new life in this circus. Oh, also a new body which was a jester but a robot? You find it cool that you can extend your limbs and is incredibly flexible. At first, you find it hard to control your body parts but "practice makes perfect" and you manage to control your limbs like a pro.

Anyways, you're one of those people that accept your fate and live normally in the circus unlike the others who got obsessed finding the exit, went insane and then abstracted. It was to a point it was only you and Kinger left in the circus. ( Ragatha is actually the second oldest member but I'll make her the third after Reader )

Kinger

Kinger sees you as a good and loyal friend. Both of you are really close.

After Queenie abstracted, you were there to comfort him. The poor man's mental health had deteriorated after witnessing all his friends abstracted causing him to become paranoid, easily scared and forgetful.

There are times that whenever you're talking to him and the next thing he does is scream due to him forgetting who you were ( you were slightly hurt by it at first but you can't blame him for having a short term memory ).

Plus, your avatar is kinda scary tbh. Glowing eyes, sharp teeth and all?

Anyways, whenever Kinger made a pillow fort, you would help him make a bigger one! A castle pillow fort!

It was lonely and uneventful when it was just you and Kinger but it didn't take long for new members to pop in.

Ragatha

Oh dear lord.

Isn't she the sweetest doll you ever met? Well, really not actually no. Not in a bad way, you could read someone's body language and you know she's forcing herself to be happy in this digital world.

"Come on now, dollie! Don't force that smile, you might hurt those lil cute cheeks of yours~" you giggled, poking her cheeks.

Ragatha doesn't know whether she should blush or weirded out with you.

During her first arrival, she had a hard time fitting in and she avoided both you and Kinger at first.

She also tried to find the exit which she failed to do so.

She knows that you want to have a conversation with her but you didn't force it on her. Which she appreciates.

At that point she can see that you genuinely want to befriend her. After she sees how close you and Kinger are.

As time goes by, she starts to talk to you and Kinger. Man, you are one happy jester!

You get to know about Ragatha more, she's actually a nice person and also she knows how to knit and make embroidery!

She actually made a plushie of you and Kinger, how cute!

"Awwwww~" you awed at the sight of the plushie version of you and Kinger. "Kingy! Hey, Kingy! Look how scary my plushie is!" you said, running towards the chess king like a child who got a present. Kinger holds the plush version of you, but when you show his plush ver "AHH—"

Ragatha couldn't help but giggle at the sight.

Whenever the three of you are in the tent, you usually practice your circus act during your free time.

What is a circus without a circus performer anyway? You would do juggling balls and proceed to do the extreme, like juggling the closest thing to you like chainsaws, swords, chair, Kinger—

Dancing on a tight rope? Check.

Eat a sword? Check.

Blow a huge ball of fire? Check.

Magic tricks? Check.

Ragatha, Kinger and Caine would watch you do the tricks, they were impressed how quickly you learn all of it. Especially Caine, who assists you with all of your circus acts.

Caine

He loves how you know how to do circus acts! ( It seems the ai has a favourite child ).

What is the point of a circus without a circus performance? Him being the ringmaster and you're the performer.

Caine did try to make Ragatha and Kinger join in the fun but they ended up failing miserably. Like jumping through a fire hoop and on a spinning wheel?

"I-I think we'd rather be the audience, Caine" Ragatha chuckles nervously as she pulls out a cleaver from her head and pretends it was normal which it wasn't. Kinger on the other hand is shaking uncontrollably from the experience and his robe is on fire which you out. You tried to hold him down, only to have him clip through the floor.

"Kingy!!!!" you let out a panic scream as you scratch the floor after witnessing your bestie glitching into the floor. "Caine! Do something, what if he went to the cellar or worse, trapped in some weird endless yellow room filled with monsters?!" you shrieked, pulling on your jester hat.

Caine with a snap of his fingers teleports the chess king back into the tent, unharmed. Much to your relief. "Kingy? Are you alright?!" you asked the chess piece, pulling his head down and you checked on him. Basically smashing your forehead against his. "I'm totally fine, (Y/o/n)" he said, you let out a sigh of relief. "Did ya see a gameshow under there?" you asked him.

"Anyways! Let's head out for new adventures my fellow friends!" announce Caine, disregarding the fact he nearly set Kinger on fire and threw cleavers at Ragatha, without knowing that he had traumatized them.

Oh well, it seems that only you could do circus performance, well for now.

Anyways! Adventure, here we come!

He really likes how you would go along with every one of his adventures within the digital world and is very adventurous.

It keeps everything lively!

He wishes that the others are as adventurous as you!

Author's Note :

For characters age, Kinger (45), Ragatha (30), Gangle (26), Pomni (25), Reader (23), Zooble (22) and Jax (22).

As for now I do Kinger, Ragatha and Caine. I will do the others in the second part. The reader and TADC casts won't have romantic interest yet. I am not sure about Kinger since he's a middle aged man but I think it's better to have platonic relationship with him.

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lunatic-pudge · 5 months

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Hi, I was wondering if you could do a Platonic Tf2 crew x reader who struggles with S/H. I totally understand if you don't take my request but I think it could be good for others who see's these characters as comfort characters.

Many thanks

-Springy

Gotta be honest, I've been slacking with asks but I felt like I needed to make this one cause:

1.) I relate to it, especially since I've been going in a downward spiral recently

2.) I can use this as a chance to talk about the Mercs and their mental health as well. Not only have some of them had such terrible childhoods, but also killing your doppelganger and dying constantly in a neverending cylce has gotta be absolutely damaging to their mental health, especially the first time they respawned

So yeah, this is gonna have a huge TW on it. So please proceed with caution. If this is something you aren't comfortable with reading, please don't. Take care of yourself. <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mercs and (Platonic) Reader who Struggles with Self Harm

Scout:

-Now with Scout, he'd try to be a comforting person, but it's gonna be hella awkward.

-I full believe this poor thing has some self-esteem issues, so he'd very understanding in that aspect. But as for SH, that's where he's kinda lost. Why would his best friend wanna hurt themselves? Why do they feel the way they do about life and themselves when they're such a cool person who's put up with hum for so long?

-This would definitely be one of those times where he puts his ego away, removes the cocky facade, goes from Scout to Jeremy. A boy who grew up with no Father, bullied by his older brothers, and learned that the only way to get away from his problems is to run

-He may not be good at talking about his problems, or giving you advice, but he knows how to put a smile on your face. Scout would do everything in his power to make you smile and laugh.

-He would be wanting to spend more time together as a way to help you with SH. He views it as, "If I spend time with them and get their mind off everything, then they won't wanna hurt themselves" sort of thought. I had it but immediately forgot, I'm sorry :(

-But yeah, Scout's trying. He's not good with these thing but he would genuinely wanna help you. He knows life sucks and things aren't easy. But he wants the best for you and just wants you to be happy

Pyro:

-Now Pyro is interesting to me. I fully believe that they are one of the few Mercs who self-harms, but no one knows cause they never talk about it and are constantly wearing such thick and concealing clothes all the time, even in the worst of heatwaves. And even then, if they did show skin and showed some SH marks, no one would really be batting an eye, maybe Medic and Engie being the only exceptions

-So when you come to them for comfort, they would panic. They don't like that their friend is hurting themselves and they would be at a loss for words. The only thing they'd know what to do in the moment is give you a big hug, maybe even shed some tears with you

-After some time though, Py would open up about their own SH, they probably wouldn't be comfortable with showing their scars though. If you have any fresh injuries, they'd clean you up, being rather knowledgeable on first aid care

-They would let you vent out any and all frustrations. Trying to offer help when they can, even if some of it is concerning. Pyro knows better than any other Merc with what it's like to have such a deteriorating mental health, so they'd be very understanding of how you feel and such

-They'd probably wanna trying helping each other going SH-free. Words of encouragement, being there for each other when things get rough, setting milestones and giving gifts when those milestones are reach, etc.

-There would be some bumps in the road, but Py would be the most supportive friend ever. They want the best for you, no matter what. And maybe this is even the start of them being able to get the help they need and get better

Soldier:

-Now Solly is dense. He wouldn't grasp it at first. Like, you'd say it, he'd go "Huh?", and then as you're repeating yourself, it dawns on him what you said and he's immediately springing into action.

-He's definitely got some PTSD and paranoia. You've seen how he lives in the WAR comic, and in the main comic, you see how quick he is to snap necks, accuse people of being Commies, thinking that there's listening devices around, etc.

-So with him, I see him as someone who unintentionally suicidal? I don't know if those are the words I'm looking for. Like, he believes that his whole purpose in life is to fight for his country and die on the battlefield. I don't think he could handle dying any other way. Solly's ready to give up his life for his country, at any cost, no matter what

-He's kinda like Scout in the sense that he isn't the best at comforting. He is very good at giving motivational speeches and trying to hype you up. Though, he might sound mad at you for self-harming, he isn't. Yeah, he's upset, but he's not mad

-He'd make you go to Medic to have any wounds taken care of. He'd be like a loyal dog and stay by your side, ready to fight Medic if he asks a question that might make you uncomfortable

-He would have you come to him any time you feel like you're gonna hurt yourself so he can help take care of you. He'll get you anything and everything you want, no matter what. He wants to make you feel comfortable and safe. Hell, he'd even kill for you if asked, even if you're just his friend

-If he can't be available for you, he'd ask Demo to go check on you. Demo wouldn't know why though, he just thinks that Soldier wants to make sure you're okay. But he does trust that Demo would keep you safe when he can't be there

Demoman:

-Gonna be honest with ya, Demo would probably cry if you told him that you SH. He would feel so horrible and wouldn't know what to do other than to hand you some alcohol and drink your woes away

-Demo had a rough childhood, I don't think he had ever been able to accept the fact his bio parents were so quick to abandoned him and take him back one he start honing in on his demolition skills.

-I can see him as someone who has self-harmed before (if you don't count the alcoholism), but it was only when he was younger, like as a teen. Though, you can count the alcoholism as him self-harming, cause technically he's slowly killing himself that way. He's only gonna be a Merc for so long, and Medic can only do so much. So if being a Merc doesn't kill him, it's gonna be Cirrhosis of the liver that does

-So he'd be understanding of why you hurt youself. He'd let you tell him everything, being a listening ear and offering help and advice. Afterwards, he'd take you out to destress, whether it be hitting up the bars or blowing stuff up.

-He may be drunk almost all the time, but he knows how to give good advice. He's a master at comforting and his hugs are to die for. He'd drop everything he's doing to help you if you're having a bad mental health day. He WILL make sure you're okay. He'd even stay up all night with you if that's something you need

-And my last point in Soldier's applies here as well. If Demo can't be around when you need someone, then he sends Soldier to help fill in the void. He'd probably tell Solly to check on you and make sure you're safe from the Commies or something. But even then, he and Soldier are great friends and would help each other out no matter what, even if it's heelping another friend in need

Heavy:

-Heavy may not be good with his words (in English cause it really do be a struggle), but his actions make up for it. He's another merc who will get you anything and everything you want if it means making you feel better

-If anyone knows what it's like to have a rough life, it's Heavy. Growing up in a prison cause of his Father speaking out against the government, losing said Father, having to become the man out the house at such a young age, and taking such a dangerous job overseas to help support his Mother and sisters. He knows how rough it can be

-Homie know how to be there for a person. Though, he might ask Medic for help on this situation cause he's never been one to SH so this is new territory for him. But he's trying his best though!

-I don't have much to say for Heavy. He's more of an action person rather than a word person. He's fine with even just sitting in silence and reading if that's what you want. He truly does want the best for you, even if he doesn't show it

Engineer:

-He's such a dad friend. For real for real. Where was this man when I was a child?

-He helps Pyro through their episodes so he's very much ready to help you. If you have a specifc way you like to be comforted, he's right there to help. If you need to vent, he'll take you somewhere private so you don't have to worry about prying ears

-Now with Engie, I'd say he has a decent upbringing. I don't think he'd be one to SH either. even though he literally cut his own hand off... But he really is one of the more "sane" Mercs. So while he has never SH, he know that there's reasons people do it and how to help them through it

-Plus have you heard his voice?! It's as sweet as honey. So imagine him conforting you with that voice of his! Telling you how you're such an amazing person, how things will get better, and how he'll always be there for you. For real, I'm an Engie and Sniper voice defender til the end!

-Again, in my very biased opinion, he is the BEST, MOST PERFECT person to go to for help/comfort. You know that if he can help Pyro, he can help you. He's the perfect person ever, platonically and/or romantically

Medic:

-Immediately goes into doctor mode. Checking you're wounds, cleaning up any fresh one, asking about what is causing you to do this to yourself. It's all clinically at first

-If you need any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, he'll give them to you, though it will be under his supervision cause he wants to make sure you're safe. Don't ask how he got them. Just trust him

-Medic is another Merc who's had it rough. He is very well aquainted with SH. Though I also do see him doing it for sexual reasons but I ain't gonna get into it. Let's just say that Medigun comes in handy quite a bit.

-He'll become more observant with you. Paying attention to even the littlest of details. He'll become more observant during routine checkups, making sure you aren't hurting yourself. But if you do, he'll patch you up and tell you it's okay.

-He may be a mentally unstable man who will put a baboon uterus in you for his own "research" (making mpreg real) but he does mean well and will want the best for you. He'll even let you take your anger and frustrations out on a cadaver if it means you not hurting yourself

-Homie's got his doves ready to help comfort you as well. They're his emotional support animals :D

-This goes for all the support class, they're all good people to go to if it's late at night and you need someone to go to. None of them know what a normal sleep schedule is so they're perfect to go to and just hang out with them, talking or not

Sniper:

-Poor thing would feel for bad when he finds out you SH. He wouldn't even know what to say at first. Offering an awkward pat on the shoulder and to hang out in his camper

-You gotta give the poor thing time to digest all this info. He's also one that's not good with words. He'll tell you that it's gonna be okay. He'll try to help and offer some advice. But again, he's very unsure of what to do and say in this situation. He doesn't wanna make things worse or have you angry at him

-Poor baby was such an outcast his whole life. He may claim that he's used to the isolation, but god when those moments of loneliness hit, it hurts. So he definitely knows what it feels like to be lonely.

-But as for SH, that's where he's kinda lost. I don't think he's ever been one to SH. I just ain't really seeing it, to be honest. You might need to help him understand it all. Once he knows what to do to help, he's a very helpful friend

-He's always available to be there for you. You wouldn't have to say anything to him for him to know why you're there. Whether it be in his camper or his nest. It's not hard to find him

-He'll take you out on a little getaway if you want. Sometimes you just gotta get away from everything, and he's more than willing to help you with that

Spy:

-I'd say Spy is by far one of the most understanding in this scenario

-I've said it in my SWF alphabet with him, he SHs, whether he still actively does it or not, I'll leave it up to you. He's very knowledgeable in this area of life. He might show you some of his scars if he feels comfortable enough

-Definitely someone who had a rough upbringing as well. I see him as someone who grew up poor with parents who could care less for him. It is still something that effects him.

-Usually he takes the stress away with chain-smoking and drinking. Yeah, he knows he shouldn't, but with how long he's been doing it, he'd rather not deal with the withdrawls and such.

-He's good at being a listening ear and giving some solid advice. Being his age, he's been through quite a lot. He's rather surprising with how he handles the situation. He'll let you hide away in his smoking room and drown your sorrows away with some alcohol.

-Don't expect any sort of physical comfort from him. He doesn't like being so touchy with people. Just please don't touch him, okay? Okay

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ismashedkasso666 · 7 days

Text

Ricky’s body in a quasi-medical sense? I dunno.

I am basing my estimates on the assumption that Ricky is 6 ft with an initial pre-weight of 160 lbs. I do not have reliable medical records to verify my claims regarding his height or true weight. However, it was mentioned in the book that Ricky was 6 ft. There doesn’t seem to be anything reliable about his weight, though.

THE EARLY DAYS OF JUNE IN 1984

June of 1984 was the height of Ricky’s homelessness, which absolutely contributed to his weight. During this time, he appeared to have lost nearly 40 lbs; his mental as well as physical health was declining, and he was blowing the majority of his profits on drugs (both for business and for personal use).

Gary stole from Ricky on April 21, so this is a bit after that incident. Thus, Gary is still currently in debt to Ricky.

PEAK HOMELESSNESS (EARLY JUNE OF 1984)

Ricky would sometimes sleep in a friend’s station wagon (with Jimmy Troiano) while they were dealing drugs in Kings Park, sometimes public restrooms, and sometimes behind the Midway (to put is extremely simply, the Midway is a store; I think it’s on Main Street).

Eventually, he found an abandoned house on Grove Street where he squatted until the police forced him out by chasing him. He then ended up at Scudder Beach in an old houseboat, staying with Pat Toussaint (aka Pagan Pat/Father Time), who had taken the old houseboat, and had occasionally lived there.

Supposedly, something unclear happened between the two, which led to a physical altercation. Ricky beat Pat up and left. (Ricky had also taken Pat’s necklace before he fled. Wasn’t sure whether that was necessary detail to add or not, but here it is.)

On one weekend in particular, Ricky was able to sneak back home while his parents, Lynn Kasso and Dick Kasso, were away. He showered, talked to his sister Wendy, and left the house with a tablecloth, which he later used as a cover from the rain when he went back to sleeping in Aztakea Woods.

SIGNIFICANT WEIGHT LOSS (EARLY JUNE OF 1984)

Again, assuming an initial pre-weight of 160 lbs (BMI 21.7), a 40 lb weight loss would drop his weight down to 120 lbs (BMI 16.3). I think that’s 25% of body mass dropped?

All that in just a month?… That’s genuinely absurd.

DETERIORATION OF HIS MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH, AND MONEY PROFITS (EARLY JUNE OF 1984)

One day Ricky showed up to the New Park wielding a baseball bat and began striking the roundhouse's support posts—while his friends sat inside.

"I wanna kill someone..." he muttered in between each vicious swing. "I wanna fucking kill somebody..."

Ellie Love, who was sitting in the roundhouse, yelled, "Ricky! You're too close to us! You're gonna hurt us!"

Suddenly a switch seemed to flip inside Ricky's mind. He lowered the bat, turned to Ellie, and said, "I would never, ever hurt you."

"He was walking around town like that for at least a week,” Ellie recalls. "Just murmuring with his shoulders hunched. We just thought it was the drugs speaking, not him. He was emaciated and looked like a zombie. Ricky was a walking drug by that point...."

Ellie had good reason to believe her friend looked like a zombie. In the last month, he had lost nearly forty pounds, almost certainly the result of sleeping in the woods and going without eating for long stretches of time. Most of Ricky's drug profits were going toward buying more stock for business and personal use. Spending nearly every hour of every day high on either LSD or angel dust, Ricky found little desire or opportunity to eat a decent meal.

RICKY DURING JUNE 17 AND JUNE 18 OF 1984

By this point, Gary owed only $20 dollars to Ricky before he was completely paid off.

June 17: High on angel dust, Ricky was downtown on Main Street using the pay phone to call home, but he didn’t answer until the fourth call—his mother, Lynn Kasso, had been the one to do so. They spoke very, very briefly (like, a sentence or two) before Ricky had hung up. He fell asleep on a bag of trash in the rear of the Midway.

June 18: Ricky made the mile-long walk home from Main Street and arrived around 7:30 A.M.

When Lynn opened the front door, she was horrified by what she saw. Her son was shockingly underweight, his hair was greasy, and his clothes were full of holes.

Essentially, after this, he got cleaned up and got in his father’s car so they could drive him to court. After court, Ricky wanted to be dropped off at the head shop for something to eat, as he hadn’t eaten in three days. This is where the bagel incident happened: Ricky wanted a quarter for a bagel, which turned into an argument.

Ricky kicked his father’s car, which pissed Dick off so much that he sped down the road. 20 minutes later, he drove back and threw two dollars at Ricky, then drove off again after banishing Ricky from home and forbidding him to speak to the rest of the family.

Don't call me. Don't come to the house. Don't ask for anything. Don't talk to your mother or your sisters ever again.

Just leave me alone—I never want to see you again.

AFTERMATH, AND TONY RUGGI SEEING RICKY’S EMACIATED APPEARANCE (MID-JUNE OF 1984)

Ricky tried to shrug off the ordeal and headed inside the deli next door to the Midway to buy his bagel. Later he walked down the side of 25A with his thumb out, trying to hitch a ride to Kings Park. There, he planned to meet Jimmy and score some microdots and dust to sell. Ironically, the one car that pulled over was driven by none other than Tony Ruggi from the Place. Just like Lynn Kasso, Ruggi was shaken by Ricky's appearance as he got into the car. Aside from his dramatic weight loss, Ricky also smelled horrible and looked gravely ill.

GARY LAUWERS MURDERED ON JUNE 19 OF 1984…

Mmm… I think this section needs its own post(s).

RICKY’S APPEARANCE ON NEWSPAPERS

For those who hadn't seen Ricky in a while, the photo was even more shocking once it graced the front page of nearly every major newspaper in the country. The manic and greasy-haired teenager didn't even resemble the Ricky they knew. He looked so thin and evil.

#infoposting #rickyposting #ricky kasso #the acid king

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