#but he already knew this too!!! he knew i had trauma from a previous relationship!!!

[voulezloux]

.

[mrsnancywheeler]

the lakes (9) // finnick odair x f. reader

summary: it's supposed to be over, you and Finnick are supposed to spend the rest of your lives helping each other heal. living as peacefully as possible, but the the third quarter quell throws a wrench in your domestic bliss.

previous chapter / next chapter

midnight rain

5.1k words

warnings: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, lots of violence/death/blood, like a lot of it, it's the hunger games, mentions of starvation and dehydration, injuries, mental illness, self loathing, casual dominance, savior complex Finnick, codependent relationship, reader has trauma relating to being too cold especially being cold + cold water we'll get into it eventually like next chapter, terms of endearment, nudity in a non sexual way, unedited, no use of y/n, Finnick washes readers hair

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You woke up too early, there was too much time for your thoughts to run on top of the fact that you'd barely slept at all. Mind full of reminders of the last time you'd been in the arena, how cruel fate was. At least you were still with Finnick, the protection of his arms, surrounded by his love, and you snuggled further into his grasp. Desperate to savor every speck of his being, of the moment before it could be taken away from you. You forced your eyes back shut, who knew how much sleep would be available in the arena, being well-rested could be an advantage. It didn't hit you until you sniffled that you were crying, it felt pathetic, how often you cried.

“I know you're awake." His voice didn't startle you, simply made you intertwine your legs with his even further.

“Don't wanna be." You buried your face in the crook of his neck, somehow even if there was no ocean he'd been swimming in for so long, his scent was still that of saltwater. It comforted you, like the smell of your home when the windows opened in the morning.

“I know, sweet girl." He nodded, arms having wrapped themselves tighter around you. An unspoken fear that if either of you let go it would be the last time. Tears peppered his neck and you already felt like it was lulling you back to sleep.

You weren't sure when your exhausted self had fallen asleep like that, but the next thing you remembered was Finnick softly whispering your name, announcing it was time. You kept your eyes shut and shook your head which broke his heart. Part of your brain reminded you that you volunteered for this, you could have been at home sick with anxiety, but instead you chose to be here.

“Come on, sweet girl, we have too." He whispered, voice so comforting it could have made you fall right back into your sleep. He was hypnotic.

“I can't." It was true, you couldn't have willed your body to move even if you’d wanted to. Your muscles felt like they'd shut down, frozen in place. He didn't push back with an ‘I told you so’ he just began lifting you up from the bed. Your head shook as he moved, “Please, Finnick.”

"Angel, we don't have a choice.” His voice was sad, but definitive. He wiped away the residual tests and tiredness in your eyes from where he'd say you on the bed.

Staring into his soothing eyes helped your stiff muscles loosen somewhat, but shame had begun to take over your brain too. “I'm sorry." You muttered, your voice cracked and was still heavy with sleep.

“It's okay, don't worry about it.” He kissed your forehead, "I've got you, sweet girl, I'll take care of you.” The guilt was almost numbing your body all over again, but it all reactivated when Finnick tried to step away. Instantly grabbing his hand and whining when he'd tried to pull away. “I'm just starting the shower." He reassured, but you didn't let go. So he sighed before resigning himself to it and just picking you up to come with him. He started the shower and put you down.

Maybe it had all finally hit you, the fact that your impending death meant you'd never have these moments with him again, but you felt completely robotic. Your arms felt heavy and you felt lonely the moment he was no longer touching you. Your fingers fumbled as you tried to get undressed in your stupor, but Finnick’s warm hands overtook your own.

“Don't worry about it, angel, I told you I’ll take care of you." You nodded dumbly as he began helping you undress. You'd spent so much time recently trying to prove you could do this you'd forgotten how nice it was to just let him take control, let him take care of you. As he helped you into the shower the warm water made you more tired which he could tell, “I'm going to have to make the water cold to help wake you up, sweet girl, just for a little bit."

You'd mumbled something incoherently probably trying to argue, but you couldn't, you needed your head in the game today. Finnick gave you a second before turning the temperature over to cold, you weren't standing directly in the water, so the residual sprays of water misted your body making you shiver. He cupped his hands under the water, collecting some of it.

“Tilt your head back for me, angel, got to wake you up." You did so and closed your eyes as the icy water hit your face. Although you'd never admit it to him, the water itself wasn't what really was waking you up, well it was in a way. The cold instantly put you back into the arena, the way you'd all been dripping and shaking in the freezing rain for days on end. “You okay?"

You nodded, “Yeah, thank you."

“Awake enough that I can turn the water back?" He smiled softly at you as your hands moved up and down your arms trying to create heat.

“Yes, please." You were grateful when he did, making it burning hot like you preferred. It all made you miss your home in District 4 where it was usually warm outside and the water reflected that, or every time it was cool it was combined with heat. So rarely did the weather and water coincide to be bitingly cold in those cases you just refused to leave the house much to Finnick's chagrin.

He led you into the stream of water, its full heat covering you as he wet your hair. When he was fully satisfied he took his time washing it, hands massaging your scalp. “You know hot water is bad for your hair." He whispered as he washed some fancy shampoo out of it.

“I don't care and don't even think about it." You gave a warning look to him, he had a teasing look in his eyes.

“How am I supposed to let the woman I love damage her hair like this when I'm taking care of her?"

“I'll get out."

“Well we wouldn't want that." You felt so peaceful while he continued washing your hair by the time he was completely finished you felt less robotic and more malleable. Finnick began scrubbing your body clean, who knew how long until you'd be able to do that again, if ever. You soaked up every moment in fear that it could be the last time you went through this routine. He made sure you were sufficiently soapy before rinsing you off and moving onto your face. You didn't even know the names of the various Capitol products, but he did it all with ease. It almost felt unnecessary, the size of your pores didn't matter when you were fighting for your life, but you let him continue. It was calming, made you feel loved, cared for.

“Thank you, Finnick." You said when he finished, pressing a kiss to his lips.

He nodded, “Go dry off, angel, I'll be out soon."

“Don't wanna leave you." Your arms wrapped around him once again as you shook your head.

He kissed the top of your head, “Okay, angel, just stand right there and look pretty.” You took a couple of steps back as he washed himself off too, far enough to avoid most of the residual water spray when he turned the water back to cold as he cleaned his face and hair. Soon enough he was shutting off the shower head and grabbing two towels. He grabbed your hand, helping you out of the shower. “I got this too, my love."

He tied his towel around his waist before he began to dry you off. You were easy to move as he dried your hair as much as he could before sitting you down on the edge of the tub to brush your teeth. It gave you flashbacks, once upon a time you'd been sat here in this exact bathroom, in the same position as he did the same thing for you. It solidified in your mind how you wouldn't be able to live without him, he knew what you needed more than you did. Maybe because he'd dealt with it all himself and no one to do it for him, but he was always there to force you out of bed, take care of yourself, make you eat a meal, go outside, and endless other things that could have slipped your mind in favor of endless sleep. When he was done with your teeth he once again helped you up to spit on the sink and let you lean into his side as he began brushing his own.

“Let's go get you dressed." Without a word he picked you up the moment he was done brushing and brought you back to the room. The clothes didn't matter much when soon enough Cambrie would have you dressed to enter the arena, but you let him dress you in whatever he picked. Once you were both dressed, be kneeled down at the edge of the bed. “How hungry are you?"

"Not really.” But you knew you'd have to eat, the possibility it could be days until you found food again wasn't slim.

"Come on, we're going to have to try to get something in you.” He went to pick you up again.

"You're really sweet, but I can walk.”

"Preserving your energy, angel.” He smirked and held you regardless to bring you out to the table. His chair pulled up right next to yours as he got you a little bit of everything, anything that could keep you full enough for a while in the arena. You ate slowly in a comfortable silence, savoring the food that you might never taste again. In your heart you knew it was the anxiety keeping you from hunger, but you pushed on out of the larger fear of starvation in the Games.

“Good job, angel." He said softly, at first you didn't know why, but then it hit you that he needed you to be properly nourished as a sign you cared about survival. He picked up a peach from a basket on the table and handed it to you which you accepted gratefully.

You'd only relish in its sweetness for a few bites before your designers entered the room.

“It's time to go." Cambrie already sounded weepy, but that wasn't why your heart stopped. Finnick grabbed your hands intently.

“You come find me right away and I'll find you. If anything happens, you scream for me and I'll follow your voice. Don't go trying to save anyone. Please, promise me that." He said soberly, eyes boring into yours to ensure you were fully committed.

"I promise, Finnick." He nodded slowly before wrapping his arms around yours and you melted as his arms got tighter, like he didn't want to let go. He reluctantly pulled away as the two of you stood, leaving the peach on the table. You grabbed his face, kissing him as deeply as you could and he instantly did the same. “I'll see you soon." You mumbled breathlessly.

“I love you so much, you deserve to live, remember that."

"I love you, Finnick.” He kissed you again before you both were forced to get on with it, to enter the arena where the unknown and uncertain lie.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Your heart was pounding in your chest as the platform began to rise, taking one last look at your stylist Cambrie who gave you a sickly sweet smile, she was convinced you would win and talked non-stop about all the benefits she would get if you did. But as the sky came into view you weren't so sure, different advice Finnick had given echoed in your head. How you needed to make your allies trust you, allow your instincts to take over, not freeze, stay logical, be wary of the environment around you, and about feeling guilty later.

Wind hit your face as you rose from the ground, quickly taking note of the environment. There was no sun out, it was cloudy, the ground was extremely muddy where the grasses were, but large chunks of dirty water made up different portions of the area surrounding the Cornucopia. You tilted your head to the side where you could see certain areas had trees, none of which were very green. It was mainly a marshland you concluded with some swamps dispersed throughout. Backpacks of supplies and different weapons lay scattered around the Cornucopia where most of the bounty lay, your allies had already agreed to go for it first thing. Not to hesitate when the gong ran out and to protect each other if someone else tried to attack. You couldn't see Conway from where you stood, but Marlowe wasn't far away on your left, staring intently forward and Birch to your right was looking around like you were. Meeting eyes for a second he just nodded his head.

It felt like the longest minute of your life, but soon enough the last few seconds were on the clock and the adrenaline in your body preparing you to spring forward. There it was, the resounding gong, and you jumped forward. Eyes searching for the closest weapon to defend yourself with. There they were, glistening with water, a few small knives and you lunged for them.

Right as your hands grasped them someone tackled you from behind. You felt your ear wet with mud as you turned over under the body on top of you, slashing your knife into whatever was above you, whatever had hands trying to grasp around your neck. Something warm hit your face as the hands went limp. You wiped your eyes with one hand to see a girl, you were pretty sure she was from District 8 above you. You pulled the blade out, pushing her off of you before scrambling off the ground, grabbing the remainder of the knives. There wasn't time to feel bad, you needed to get to the Cornucopia.

The boy from District 10? 12? Everything was too blurry, you just needed to survive, to get to everyone else. The boy caught your eye, he had a machete and before he could even come towards you with it, one of the knives flew out of your hand straight into his skull. He fell backwards and your brain told you to grab the weapons, keep going. Some small voice told you to stop, how messed up this all was, but your instincts said otherwise.

You finally saw Conway, pulling a spear out of the girl from District 3 you were pretty sure. Suddenly Marlowe was in your view too, picking up a backpack.

“Here!" You heard your own voice, but it didn't feel real and tossed the machete to her which she grabbed with ease.

“Thanks." She said quickly, and then Birch came out of the Cornucopia, bloody hatchet in hand. He had a backpack on and was holding two other ones. Throwing one to you and then Conway.

“We should fill them with what we can find before we clear out.” He said gruffly and you all nodded. You decided to grab an extra backpack as you all walked towards the Cornucopia, grabbing small weapons on the way to fill the bags. Conway and Birch went deeper inside as you and Marlowe looked around, keeping defense.

Thinking about Districts didn't even matter anymore, you could take stock later, one of the boys came at Marlowe with a sickle. You threw a knife into his chest, he took a step back, giving Marlowe enough time to thrust the machete through him. She pulled it out and grabbed the knife for you too, tossing it at you with a nod.

“I think we've got what we need." Conway's voice filled the crisp air. You dumped one of the backpacks contents into the other one, tossing the empty one on the ground before sliding the other one on. Marlowe picked up an ax before muttering something in agreement. As the four of you exited the Career pack approached. The air was tense, but it didn't make you nervous. It would be four against four, there would be no point in attacking now.

All of you kept eye contact as you passed by each other, Birch giving a brisk nod that the boy from District 1, Otto you thought his name was, returned one. So you all walked into an area with more trees, leaving the other pack to whatever was left behind in the Cornucopia.

“Do you think the water’s safe to drink?" Birch asked, looking around at the areas around you.

“It's muddy, it would have to be purified at least." You answered, trying to rub off the mud you could feel drying on your face.

“Who knows what could be inside it." Marlowe remarked, some sort of mutt ready to attack.

“We should sit here and see what we have, make a plan on where to camp and how to hunt." Conway pointed at a clump of rocks. Everyone agreed, it couldn't have been more than an hour yet you were all exhausted. Time was a construct here, they could make it day or night whenever they pleased.

Conway had two spears, a mace, a net, a water bottle, a plastic cover for rain, and some sort of bug spray.

“Oh my god, there's going to be some sort of poisonous bug." Marlowe shook her head.

“Maybe we'll get some more, we'll all share and use it sparingly." Conway said, filling the bag back up. When Birch opened his, you realized the bags weren't the same. You'd expected them too, but there were variations.

“Let's see we've got a hatchet, a sword, a serrated chain, a box of matches, this super small bottle of iodine, a tarp, and a random coil of wire, which I don't think is useful to any of us. Good thing we grabbed more than one bag." He remarked, leaning back on the rock.

Marlowe emptied out hers putting her axe and machete to one side, “A sickle, an empty bottle of water, more bug spray, thankfully, another plastic cover for rain, and these weird glasses.” She played with them in her hands.

“They're for seeing in the dark." You said, hand burrowing in the moss on the rock. “Um I've the throwing knives, a dagger, dried fruit, another bottle of iodine, and an empty bottle of water-” You internally thanked yourself for grabbing two, "Rope, more matches, a compass, and this metal bowl."

Conway nodded, “If we come across any more backpacks we should take them too." What he really meant was if you came across someone to kill them and take their things, but he didn't dare state it aloud.

“We should set up some snares, we can start a fire on the rock, so get some firewood, and fill the water bottles we do have." Marlowe stood up, axe in hand.

“What if someone sees the smoke?" Birch asked, sliding a bit as he stood.

“Then there's four of us and one of them, the Careers won't attack us, not yet. We can use the wire for fish-hooks, see if there's any to catch. I'll make a fishing rod and we can use the net." You filled the bag back up and stood on the muddy ground.

Birch nodded, “Good thinking." He smiled, he had the type of smile that was so infectious it made the most mournful times somewhat happier.

“Let's put on some of the spray first." Conway pulled out the bottle, shaking it. Trying to use it sparsely, save it as long as possible. All of you stayed nearby, but still split for your tasks. You made some rods with stray branches, cut off some of the rope, and wire. Setting them into the mud, if there were some fish you'd set up the net wherever you camped for future meals. Conway had begun filling up the bottles you had and putting in the iodine to purify what you did have. Birch had decided he would set up some snares and borrowed your dagger in case there was something he could kill before it even hit the snares.

Marlowe got done with the firewood the quickest, saying how back in District 7 there were punishments if quotas weren't filled fast enough so she'd been forced to learn how fast she could chop wood since she was a child.

“Caught anything?" She asked, setting down the wood on a tarp to keep it dry.

You shook your head, “No, I'm too worried about whatever poisonous bugs might be here to dig for worms. If Birch catches anything I'll use part of it for bait, I might just throw the net in though."

"Here I found some crickets.” Conway came over, hands cupped.

"Are we sure they're not poisonous?” Marlowe asked as she began setting up the fire.

"Looks like plain old crickets to me.” Conway laughed, grabbing on the rods to stick them on the hooks. Slowly, but surely the fish began coming in. “I'll skin and you keep catching?" He asked, squeezing your shoulder.

You smiled up at him, “Sounds good to me." Marlowe had a fire started the moment everyone was ready, hours had passed by the time you'd caught a good enough share, skinned them, began to cook them, and Birch returned with some rabbits.

“We should eat here and then move to find a different camp before the sun goes down." Marlowe was helping Birch with the rabbits while you cleaned off the knives being used for each thing. You'd eaten much better than you'd expected too, trout and rabbit, plus having water. You hadn't realized how hungry you were until you started. Immediately you began packing up camp, Conway filled up and purified the water bottles again before you all started trekking again. The temperature began to drop and the jacket stopped doing as much as it had been doing before, you all finally stopped at an area with more dense greenery and trees. Laying out the tarps and plastic covers to try for some warmth.

Then there the light was in the sky, time to find out which tributes were dead. Both tributes from District 3, the girl to Conway. You thought of that poor 13 year old boy's family watching their baby die and silently prayed he'd gone quick. No one from 1,2, or 4 which was unsurprising. Birch had killed the boy from 5 and the boy from 6 is the one who'd tried coming at you and Marlowe. That was the female tributes from 5 and 6 still alive plus both District 7 tributes, since they were both with you. The girl from 8 was you, but the male tribute was also dead, probably from one of the Career’s. Both from 9 were dead, both from 10 probably even more from the Careers. 11 was still alive, but you were right about thinking the boy who was going to attack you was from 12, his district partner survived though. 13 tributes left, 11 dead in one day.

Everyone was quiet, solemn. “I'll take first watch." Your shaky voice cut through the night air, after the silence had almost become unbearable.

“Me too." Conway's arms were around your shoulders, he wasn't particularly warm, but it was better than sitting alone. Birch and Marlowe agreed, laying down to get some sleep. You stared at the night sky, there were very few stars in the sky even if you knew they were artificial, it made you even more upset. Nothing would beat the feeling of you and Finnick sitting on the beach at night, staring at the stars over the glistening water as his warmth surrounded you like some sort of shield.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

“I'm just going to miss you so much!" Cambrie was bawling onto your shoulder. The Capitol woman who's whole life was ahead of her was crying to you, the one about to be sent to a battle of the death. “I'm going to dedicate a whole fashion line to you, it'll be such a hit." She meant well, she really did and that's what you reminded yourself.

“Including the wedding dress?" If anything it made you want to cry more thinking about how this poor, misguided woman still cared about you so much.

“Oh yes. With a train like you're walking on water and sea foam." She pulled away to blow her nose. “You just have to come back, gorgeous, I'll literally die without you." Ironic. “Maybe they'll be a hologram or something, won't be as good as the real thing, but you're my muse." The sickening part was definitely back, but she raised to be shallow so she was. A voice echoed around the room indicating your need to get on the platform. You hugged her one last time and she kissed you on the cheek, probably leaving trails of pink glitter but at least it was a proper goodbye.

“Thank you, Cambrie. I couldn't have asked for a better designer." You walked over to the platform that closed around you, giving her a soft smile as he waved a goodbye, tears streaking down her slightly purple tinted skin.

Your foot tapped nervously on the platform and you hoped that at the very least it wouldn't be a cold arena. You began moving up, sun, you could see sunlight, that was good, at least you'd have sunshine. The smell of salt air hit your nostrils and it shocked you, a smell you were pretty sure would be left at home was right here. If you died, you'd die knowing that wasn't the last time you were one with the salty waters. When you were finally all the way up you looked around anxiously, it was water, clear, seawater you had to swim to get to the Cornucopia or the rows of rocks that you could walk on. Jungle was on the other side of the beaches, but there were beaches that felt almost too good to be true, like it was perfect for District 4. The sun cut in the way of your vision making it nearly impossible to make out faces, but you couldn't find Finnick. You took some deep breaths, preparing to dive the moment the gong rang out. He'd go straight to the Cornucopia and try to find Katniss so you'd do the same.

The instant the gong let out you'd dived in, having eyed the nearest part of land so you could try and make the quickest swim there. It didn't take long and you were hoisting yourself on the rocks. Running forwards to the shiny structure where he had to be. A hand from the side grabbed your leg and you tried to kick it off, “Finnick!" You shouted as the person attached to the hand emerged from the side of the rocks, pulling you down. He was from District 9, a lot older, but he was still much stronger. Brute strength had never been on yours side, but you could tell it was on his. “Finnick, Finnick!" You screamed, trying to kick the man off of his. His hands grabbed your shoulders harshly before punishing them back, head roughly hitting the rocks. It was dizzying, your head felt like it was literally spinning and your nose made it feel like you were drowning. Hands flew up, your vision was somewhat blurry, but last time you'd been in this position you'd taken out Conway’s eye. Even if that kept you up at night, you could do it again. “Finnick!" Scratching at the man's face seemed to be doing very little besides delaying him as he tried to bat away your hands. Then he was coughing, sputtering blood all over your face the shock he seemed to be going through gave you an opportunity to kick him off of you, his weight on you made it a struggle but the adrenaline forced you to persist. He fell flat when you did escape and then you saw the axe in his back. You looked up, Johanna was headed your way.

You wanted to say thank you, but you felt somewhat frozen, your mouth tasted like iron, and she was somewhat blurry. “He's over in the Cornucopia, with Katniss." She said, tearing her ax out of the man’s back. Her eyes found Wiress and she went to get her, mostly because according to Haymitch it was her way in with Katniss, she'd only take Johanna if she'd saved who Katniss wanted.

Your hands went to wipe your face and there was more blood on your hands then anticipated then it hit you that your nose was bleeding, the shock hadn't allowed you to initially realize, but you probably looked like a mess of free falling blood. “Finnick!" You yelled, your head ached as you kept running forward. Through the ringing that had begun in your ears you could faintly hear your name being called. You finally caught sight of him running towards you, a seemingly reluctant Katniss behind him.

“What happened?" He asked, wiping some of the blood off of your face.

“Nine, Johanna just saved my life." Your mouth felt like it was filling with the blood as you wiped your face again.

“Well, I'll have to thank her sometime." Finnick smiled even though you could tell he was still concerned, so were you, the pounding in your head still hadn't gone away. “Here." He slid three small knives into your palm, “Grabbed them when I was in there for you, angel."

“Thank you." He quickly kissed you, getting his own lips getting smeared with blood. There were no complaints as he wiped it off and turned back to Katniss.

“Peeta! Peeta!" She was looking around frantically.

“Found him! Over here!" Finnick shouted, handing you his trident as he dived into the waters where Peeta was struggling to stay afloat. Katniss ran over as Finnick brought Peeta back to the shore.

“Peeta!" She helped pull him up and you all paused a moment as he gained balance. You handed Finnick back his trident. The ebbing pain in your head was finally seeming to lessen.

“Let's head out this way." Finnick said, arm around you as he began walking forward. Gloss, Cashmere, Brutus, and Enobaria continued on with their Bloodbath as your group made its way onto the beach and into the jungle. There were no supplies waiting around this time, you supposed they weren't intending for this to be a long enough game to need a survival kit just weapons. It felt safer though, you had Finnick, warm, protective, hovering Finnick. There would be no need to imagine the times you had with him when he was right there even if the plan was dangerous enough to get you both executed regardless of what happened in the arena.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

thank you so much for reading I was so excited to write this one, but I've been pretty busy so it took me a while to get finished but I'm so glad I did. thank you all for the feedback and support, if you enjoyed it let me know comments, likes, reblogs are all much appreciated and my ask box is always open. 💋

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[mintedwitcher]

So I was going to reblog further on that "Scott believed Theo over Stiles" post from yesterday, only by the time I'd finished writing my addition I realised 2 things:

I was writing from a reactive standpoint. I felt a negative way about the previous reply and I let it impact how I responded, and

I ended up talking myself out of the stance that I'd started with.

So in that vein, I'm going to rewrite it here as it's own post, with the encouragement from @prettyshon10 (the OP of the previous post).

Sorry for the long intro but I wanted to be transparent about where I'm coming from here. I'll put the rest under a cut because this is going to be long.

(Edit: it got Very Long, sorry.)

The key thing to note first of all is that I wasn't giving Stiles a "free pass". I acknowledge and agree that both he and Scott mishandled the situation. However, because of the power imbalance inherent in their dynamic, with Scott being an alpha werewolf and Stiles being his Second, I do believe that there is more weight on Scott's shoulders here than on Stiles's.

The timing of the discussion alone is a misstep on Scott's part. He initiated the conversation in the rain, while they were already short on time, trying to save a girl who was dying. Stopping to have any kind of heavy conversation at that point in time wasn't going to end well, because there are simply too many details that have to be hammered out. There is too much to say, and not nearly enough time to say it all. Especially with the emotional weight of the situation on both parts.

I also say that Scott bears more weight in the moment because he is the leader of their group. Stiles might have plenty of influence with Scott, but Scott is still the leader, and so it falls to him more than anyone else to sort out conflicts within the group. That's not to say that Stiles shouldn't have come forward about it - in fact I think that Stiles should've gone to Scott first about it - but that Scott has a responsibility to their entire pack to make sure that everyone is as comfortable as possible. That is the role he's taken on among them, and in confronting Stiles the way he did, he failed in that role. (Stiles' failing is not trusting Scott to have his back if he'd told him the truth, and I desperately wish that the canon had gone deeper into the reasons why he didn't trust Scott with this. I've seen fanon interpretations that the trauma from the nogitsune could be influencing Stiles' distance, but again, that's never really discussed in canon so... it's an interesting theory, but it's another place where the show's writing fell short.)

In my initial response, I said that Scott has a "killing = bad" mentality, and I do stand by that, because from canon observation, his morality is fickle at best. He allows - and even encourages - murder when it suits him (killing Peter to "cure" himself, killing Gerard to be with Allison, killing Jennifer to save his mother) but condemns it when it doesn't (letting Jennifer go after her ritual failed, locking Peter in Eichen after Mexico, letting Deucalion and Gerard live). There are even points where his fluctuating morality doesn't make sense, such as when he refused to kill assassins who were actively targeting people he knew and loved. He persists that killing is wrong, and that murdering a Bad Guy makes you Just Like Them. But he overlooks it entirely when it suits him, when it can be justified as something that the Good Guys did. (Most notably here can be the way he overlooks Allison hunting and nearly killing Erica, Boyd and Isaac; not because their deaths would benefit him but because going against Allison would damage his relationship with her.)

It's actually a very interesting contradiction, and if Scott was an adult in the series it would be on a whole different level, but unfortunately, he's a child. Which means that his contradictions aren't exactly novel and groundbreaking, they're just... teenage conflicts. He's doing the best he can with the limited information he has, and the limited experience he has as well, and that leads to some very black-and-white thinking.

His worldview is black-and-white not as a character flaw but as a result of his age and the life he's led so far. He's still a child for the majority of the show, and so his worldview is limited by what he knows. He knows that murder is illegal and that killing people is not a good solution all the time, and that people who kill anyway are bad, ergo, killing = bad. Until he needs someone dead for whatever reason, which he can then justify to himself as "But I'm a Good Guy, and this person is a Bad Guy, and I'm going to save a lot of people from them if I kill the Bad Guy, so my actions aren't Bad because I have Good Intentions." Which is a very black-and-white thing to do. (I'm not saying this is a fault or a failing of his character, it's just an observation. This mentality also isn't specific to murder but also to many other 'immoral' actions.)

Stiles, similarly, has a black-and-white worldview for the same reasons; age and life experience. Where the two differ, however, is that Stiles has experienced more trauma than Scott has at this point of his life. So his priorities are skewed in a different lens than Scott's are. Scott is very much "Save Everyone, no matter what," whereas Stiles is more "Some people can't be saved, protect your own." Which are both very fair views to have.

Stiles watched his mother mentally decline for months(?) before she died. He was in the room with her when she died. And if the very vague timelines can be believed, he would've been around 6-8 years old at the time. There was nothing that he could do to save his mother, and there was nothing he could do to save his father from his grief after her death. I do really wish we had more lore about the Stilinski family during that grieving period, because that would likely inform the way that Stiles behaves now, too.

But what we do see from Stiles is that he is suspicious. He has one friend and he likes it that way. He distrusts anyone who gets a little Too close, especially too close to Scott. (This to me reads like a protective behaviour rather than the fanon-preferred possessive; Scott grew up with severe asthma, and Stiles likely would've been the one helping Scott deal with that throughout their childhoods.) But he's not suspicious to the point of paranoia. His suspicion is always firmly rooted in reality. He notices Matt's weird behaviour in season 2, in fact he's the only one to see Matt as a potential threat. He notices - though doesn't actually put the pieces together right away - that the kanima was familiar to him the first time he saw it. He's the one who goes through the process of actually investigating and documenting the weird shit that keeps happening to them. His pattern recognition skills are unmatched, though severely underutilised in canon.

What I'm trying to get at is that Stiles is the realist in the Scott+Stiles dynamic duo. Scott is the Optimist. Scott is the one who always wants to find the peaceful solution, who wants everyone to walk away happy and satisfied - or at the very least, alive - at the end of the day. Stiles is the one who recognises that sometimes that's just not an option. Sometimes there are going to be people you can't talk down, threats you can't just peacefully walk away from.

Their dynamic should - and normally does - function perfectly. But there are times that it doesn't, because Scott has a bad habit of ignoring or dismissing Stiles' concerns.

Which brings us (at last) back to the actual point.

Stiles had said from day one that he doesn't trust Theo. That there's something off about him. That he's not the kid they knew growing up. Scott humours it at first, but ultimately decides to make his own judgements about Theo (which is a fair choice). This, however, plants the seeds for the discord that Theo is about to sow within the pack.

(There are other instances of Scott dismissing Stiles' theories but if I get into that I'll be here for hours.)

Theo has spent all this time trying to ingratiate himself into the pack, to get into Scott's good books, and at every turn, he's met with Stiles barricading him. He's got Stiles' alarms ringing, and Stiles isn't going to drop it. So what does he do? First, he shows empathy to Stiles, by saying that he knows about Donovan - and dropping that in the middle of an already emotionally heightened moment so to deliberately keep Stiles off-balance - and then using that to plead Stiles's silence about Josh. Stiles, in response, backs off of Theo. Not entirely, but he keeps his distance, because now Theo has incriminating information about him and Stiles doesn't want Scott to know about it. Once Theo has some breathing room, he escalates. It's now not just about getting in with Scott, it's about getting rid of his overprotective packmates. So he tells Scott an edited version of the story. He lies through his teeth and Scott, the bleeding-heart that he is, laps it up. He's horrified by Stiles' involvement of course but he feels for Theo. Which is exactly what Theo wants, and exactly what Stiles wanted to avoid.

The crux of it all is the confrontation. Scott and Stiles are having two completely different conversations, and due to the timing of the moment, they can't go into further detail to untangle the miscommunication between them. So it keeps getting worse.

From Scott's point of view, he's trying to understand what would make his best friend snap so violently. He's trying to understand, to be there for his friend. He wants to help. Why can't Stiles see that he's only trying to help?

From Stiles' point of view, he's being punished. He's being pushed out and away, he's being lectured at for trying to defend himself, why won't Scott just see that he was only defending himself?

Neither of them know what the other is really saying. They both Think that the version of events in their head matches the reality, and they both walk away from that moment feeling like they've failed.

The problem - and where my own stance on the discourse is really rooted - is that the way the scene is presented, makes it look like Scott is choosing Theo over Stiles. It looks like Scott is turning his back on his lifelong friend. I'll have to rewatch the actual episode to get a better analysis of the specific placement of that scene, but that was the impression that I walked away with the first (and almost every) time I watched that episode.

To sum up: I don't think that Scott "believed" Theo over Stiles, but to the characters, it would feel that way. The problem is that fandom tends to project themselves onto the character they like more. I've seen people insisting that Scott underreacted to the situation in equal measure to the people insisting that Scott overreacted.

I think it's kind of fascinating how our personal preferences interfere with the way we interpret media.

[sukunastoy]

Shameful Attraction (CEO! Sukuna x Female Reader ~NSFW~ Part 5)

Parings: CEO! Sukuna x fem!reader x fiance! Toji (Non-Curse AU)

Synopsis: You've been in a long-term relationship with Toji from high school, who is the love of your life. Well, sometimes he is... You turn a blind eye to all of the heartaches he seems to deliberately bring upon you and the relationship. Despite his actions, you've remained loyal and true. That is, until Sukuna, a CEO and your new boss, draws you into an affair.

CW/TW: This story has moments of mistreatment and abuse. There are references all throughout about this behavior—Hitting, name-calling, degradation, hiding bruises, cheating, unfaithfulness, etc. Also, the reader is thin/underweight, unprotected sex, fingering, pet names (i.e., doll, pretty thing, little one, princess, etc.), consensual degradation, and praise kink. Occasional mentions of depression, and thoughts of suicide.

Wordcount: 5.9k+

(Previous, Part 4)

Monday, 6:02 PM

Sukuna's body and yours were entangled in his bed, both exhausted yet satisfied while intertwined in the expensive, black silk sheets. He had a strong arm around your waist in a comforting and almost possessive hold, and your face was nuzzled up under his warm chin as you lay mostly on his chest, his elevated heartbeat thrumming against your cheek. This little affair hadn't been going on for long, but this man had already introduced you to a world of pleasure and comfort that you never knew existed.

"You're amazing..." you murmured breathlessly into his neck, being as close to him as possible. His deep chuckle vibrated through his chest, the sensation a comfort, and he let out a satisfied and proud sigh.

"Yeah, I know." His hand came to your shoulder, fingertips gently trailing along your arm in the process, never minding the small beads of perspiration along your skin from his previous ministrations to your body, and you shivered at the delicate touch. He pulled away slightly to look at your face, your dove eyes meeting his while his knuckles brushed over your warm, rosy cheek. He couldn't stop himself from admiring your soft face, thinking how pretty and tender you looked in your afterglow.

Seeing how your glossy eyes stayed connected with his in such a gentle and almost desperate way made him eager to hold onto your gaze, almost offering a sense of relief that was clearly needed for you. You spoke nothing about the traumas your life was filled with, though fragments of your shattered sanity easily glistened through your eyes. Sukuna had curiosities, maybe even questions, but it wasn't his place to ask or try to uncover what you left unsaid. Besides, you weren't his girlfriend or anything. You weren't his problem that he needed to try and fix. You were an employee who he expected hard work from. You were just another woman in his office that he's taken to bed.

"Well...I should probably get going, before it gets too late and I miss the final train." A small smile stretched your lips through your statement, honestly not wanting to leave.

"Ah...pretty thing doesn't want to stay for more?" His devious smirk made you blush harder as he captured your lips with his again, both of his arms holding you close to his warm body. You playfully squirmed, laughing in return against his lips as his strong embrace relaxed you in such a way that any saddened thought in your mind could almost be forgotten.

"Well, of course I'd love to stay...but, I don't even have clothes to go to work in tomorrow. It'd be bad to show up in the same outfit."

"Perhaps from now on you should keep a change of clothes, then. In case I need my assistant to come home with me for the night."

"Oh, cause we have so much work to get done?" You teased in return while letting a happy smile tug at your lips. The fact he even mentioned such a thing made your heart flutter. "I'll gladly keep a bag packed...but you can't just take my underwear and not give them back." You pouted playfully, remembering he had yet to return the ones he slipped off of you this morning in his office. He took a moment and pondered about it before smirking and taking hold of your chin in his hand. "That's not a promise I can keep."

The train ride home was long and it made you anxious while you stared blankly out of the window. Tokyo slowly faded away and your home town eventually came into view, and with it, feelings of despair. When you were with Sukuna in his apartment, you felt at ease, and your mind wasn't clouded with anxiety and depression. But the further you got away from him, the more those emotions seeped into your being and made you forget what happiness even was.

At least Toji wasn't home, but he certainly left the place a mess...alcohol bottles everywhere, some of the carpet soaked with spilt beer and other drinks, food left on the counter, dirty dishes in the sink, clothes all over, and such an awful stench in the air. How did he create such a god forsaken mess while you were at work earlier today? It's like he did everything he could to make things hard for you. He had demanded that you cleaned the apartment while he was gone, and now it made sense of why. It was already still messy from when he had his guy friends over a couple days ago, but apparently he decided it needed to be more chaotic for you.

And it took hours. Hours of scrubbing, cleaning the bathroom thoroughly as there was piss everywhere, being on your knees and finding bottles up under the couch, even finding a couple used condoms thrown about. You've walked in on Toji's little parties a time or two with some random guy and woman you've never met just fucking on your couch without shame even as you stared at them in shock, so it certainly didn't surprise you to find such things.

By the time you had finished cleaning everything, it was already after midnight, and you just couldn't sleep. You sat by the window in your room, staring out into the darkness while lost in thought. You told yourself you hadn't gone to bed yet because you weren't tired, but, you knew the real reason.

You hated being here. Hated everything about this apartment. Hated how small it was, how tiny the bed was, how noisy the neighbors were, how old and outdated everything was, how the plumbing had issues at times, how some of the windows had cracks in the glass; the list went on. The ceiling was so much lower than the one in Sukunas penthouse, and it felt like you were going to be squeezed to death at any moment.

Being raised in a household that was well off with money and respect, and then having to spend your days in this filthy apartment was a complete shock to your system. At first you loved this place, just happy to have something with a guy who was supposed to be the love of your life. But of course once Toji showed his true colors and you were the slave who cleaned up his disasters, you soon hated being here. Sometimes you wondered if your parents would take you back in. Let you go back to your old room that was bigger than this apartment, and your huge, plush bed that was so comfortable. But they didn't even respond to your calls or texts anymore.  Even from the other day after you left a voicemail, you've not heard anything in return. They'd probably laugh in your face if you showed up at the posh, mini mansion you grew up in. Not to mention, Toji would probably find some way to drag you back. And that's what kept you terrified and chained to his side. He always found you...always dragged you back...always beat the hell out of you afterwards before pretending he cared. Same story every time. At rare moments you felt like he still really cared, but it was getting harder and harder to find any hope in that thought.

Looking down at your phone, your hand trembled as you read over the message you had sent to Toji. You asked how he was, told him goodnight, hoped to see him soon, the usual. Of course, your messages were always left on "read." You couldn't even begin to imagine how angry he'd be if you deliberately ignored him like he does to you. It just wasn't fair...

Tuesday, 8:16 am

You set out small packets and folders of reports that were to be discussed in this morning's meeting, making sure each seat in the conference room had one. Today had a decent amount of meetings, and you were to be present for each of them of course, taking notes and asking appropriate questions to anyone else involved while Sukuna led through it. You sat to his right while he discussed this week's goals, and a few other executives were either coming up with some ideas of their own or explaining why a certain goal couldn't be met. Of course, excuses weren't something Sukuna was interested in hearing. "Mr. Itadori, we should just take a moment to think about the realism of achieving these demands by the end of the week. I mean, surely you don't assume these tasks are easy." Sukuna chuckled then leaned back in his chair while looking at the other executive. "I don't assume anything. I either know it or I don't. And I know this is something that will be done as expected. If this task is too advanced for you to manage, perhaps you'd benefit from a lesser position."

You were going over the numbers yourself, and sure it would be a difficult thing to do, but it wasn't impossible. Sukuna had laid it all out in the plan and so long as everyone did their job diligently, it could be achieved.

"Well, the plan you provided doesn't completely cover your process for this demand and-"

"Excuse me sir, " you interrupted as politely as possible. "it is described in detail on page 8. I went over it this morning before this meeting started. Anything that isn't included is something you are already aware of how to do."

"With all due respect, you just started working here yesterday. You're not familiar with what my job entails or what I know or don't know." The other executive scoffed lightly, glancing to his associate next to him to share a look of disbelief and annoyance.

Shit like this always stung a little, and to be honest, it almost made you want to drop your head in submission and shut your mouth. But...this wasn't Toji you were talking to. Work was the only place you were allowed to actually speak your mind and provide input without getting physically punished for it.

"And with all due respect in return, I am not ignorant to how companies manage their tasks or who is responsible for doing so. This may be my second day in this office, but not only the second day in my career. The title which you hold means you know what to do with this information. If you weren't qualified for it, it wouldn't have been presented to you."

The man put his palms onto the table and straightened in his seat as if to stand up, most likely to assert his dominance in this conversation but Sukuna put his hand up to stop him.

"Sir, I don't appreciate a woman who has virtually zero experience in this office trying to overstep her boundaries and talk to me as if I'm beneath her."

"(Y/N) is an extension of me and what I want. Whatever she says or tells you to do coincides with my expectations of you. She is to be treated with the same level of respect and subordination as you give to me. If this is a problem for you, you can get the fuck out." He gestured briefly while the man settled back into his chair.

"My deepest apologies, sir." He said with a small bow of his head towards Sukuna.

"Now, if you're done wasting my time, this meeting is concluded." The other execs shared brief conversation amongst each other while standing to disperse and Sukuna glanced to his phone for any missed calls.

"Sir..?"

He looked over to you with a concerned expression cause of your small voice. "I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries." "Of course not." He chuckled before going back to his phone. "The whole purpose of having you in this position is to assist in whatever I need. Even if that means reminding others of their place. They're not your boss, and don't let them think that they are. If they're talking with you, it's the same if they're talking with me."

A breath of relief left your lips and you nodded at his words. It was good to know you really were an equal with him in this position. Some places didn't let the assistants have such a voice, especially being a woman. 

Friday, 7:53 am

You followed Sukuna into his office after he arrived, shuffling papers in your hands to go over with him. It had only been a few days, but you already had his schedule mostly figured out and you got next weeks neatly printed for him. Nanami helped you go over Sukunas personal home schedule as well. Though Nanami took care of a different role in the company, he was more or less a friend to Sukuna. Apparently they'd go out and enjoy a drink every now and then after work when there weren't late meetings to attend to go over minor things that still needed to be handled. You knew which days Sukuna worked out, when he got his hair cut, when he preferred to go to the onsen, etc. You were even filled in a bit in regards to his family. Apparently he had a younger brother, Yuuji, and a grandfather as well. There wasn't much to be said about his parents, and it was implied that they weren't really apart of Sukuna's nor his brothers life anymore.  Finding out these small intimate details just made your heart flutter. On a business level, it was so you knew when to schedule early or late meetings and appointments without interfering with his personal life. But, on an emotional level it just made you feel even closer to him. 

You discussed any projects and reports that needed to be gone over today, handed him any notes or messages you had taken from phone calls through the week, and provided an outline for next weeks schedule. They often changed, but it was a good list to go by nonetheless. A few executives would be coming into town early next week, and Sukuna was needed at a few other offices nearby to discuss things with partner companies. It was tiring work just to get all of this put together and organized, so you couldn't imagine how exhausting it must be for him to constantly be going back and forth all the time. You knew once you became more stable in this position, you'd probably see him less and less, as you'd take care of things that he didn't need to be present for. It's nothing you wanted to think about, but it would inevitably happen. Its just how it was with CEOs and other high up executives.

Friday, 8:58 PM

The time you were dreading finally rolled around, the end of a night on Friday. This meant you'd be stuck at home for a couple days. Nothing you were really looking forward to... Not many enjoyed spending their days at work, but you found solace in it. Especially knowing you would be gone for so long. The trains stopped running at midnight, so you could get home really late with the excuse of just having to work extra. Toji never liked you being gone, but luckily he wouldn't give you too much trouble if it was work related. He liked all the money you provided. But, he hadn't said shit in days, despite you messaging and calling him nearly every day, just to check on him. You could see him online on his social media accounts, yet he couldn't respond to you...it was fucking heartbreaking. Half the time you couldn't understand why you even tried to get him to respond. Not like he made you happy. But, still...you couldn't help but wonder if he was okay. Just some sort of helpless habit.

Finishing out your report for the day, you let out a heavy sigh before looking up to the glass door separating the offices.  Sukuna hadn't come out of his office yet, and you wondered how late he planned on staying. Most of the week, you stayed as late as he did in the office. One of the nights you attended an after work gathering with him and other office executives to briefly discuss project reports. There was a lot of drinking, but you just wanted to eat. The only time you got any food was when Sukuna bought lunch for the two of you. You had no breakfast or dinner, so that was especially nice to enjoy in the middle of the week. Two meals in one day? A rarity.

Apart from Monday, Sukuna hadn't touched you at all these last several days. Maybe a simple touch to your shoulder in passing, but he didn't offer more than that. The dread set into your mind like a festering illness, making you worry that you had done something to displease him or make him less interested in you. Perhaps you already became old news, and he's moved on to someone more entertaining and exciting. That thought made you want to throw up right at your desk, and you stood up immediately to get out of that headspace. He had bought you lunch all week, that was a good sign. Right..? Maybe he was waiting for you to be a bit more open and straightforward with what you wanted? By now you found yourself at the glass door dividing the two of you, and you looked in nervously to see that gorgeous man sitting at his desk. He had his earpiece in, and he rested his jaw in his hand while scrolling through something on his computer, seemingly annoyed. When the door made a slight click as you gently pushed against it, his eyes shifted to you briefly before going back to the screen.

"Sit." He spoke out curtly, pointing to the seat across from him. Your heart sank. Had you done something wrong? Your jaw hurt from clenching, but you did as you were told, trying to prepare a conversation in your head of how to apologize for something you didn't even know about. Thanks for the constant trauma, Toji.

"I don't give a damn what you think happened to it. If there is not an explanation by Monday, you and your team are fired. Do I make myself clear?" You could feel the hairs lift on the back of your neck as he talked with such a tone. Clearly it wasn't something you were involved with, but, hearing the aggravation in his voice still made you worry and mull over numerous thoughts. It just made you re-imagine all the times Toji raised his voice and threatened you...

Someone on the other end tried to speak out, but Sukuna clicked off the earpiece before they had a chance to. You swallowed hard as he sighed and looked to you, but his gaze softened only a moment later. "Something I'll finish dealing with on Monday. Now...in regards to you." He started while standing from his desk. "I have something for you, and I'm curious to see how it will look on you later." "Later?" You questioned curiously, unclenching your jaw and relaxing your body. "Oh come now doll, I haven't had you since Monday. Think I am going to let any more time pass?" "Sir, I-" your words were cut short as he presented a small package onto his desk, gently pushing it towards you. It was a gorgeous little box with lace ribbon tied around it, keeping it closed. "It should fit you." He chuckled while gesturing that you open it. "Did...did you buy something for me?" You asked while trying to laugh through your embarrassment as you peeked into the box, seeing a lacy garment nestled gently in some tissue paper. "Did you bring a change of clothes?" He ignored your question while logging out of his computer. In fact...you had. There was a small bag you kept in your office with things in it to spend the night somewhere else. You weren't sure if he was serious about that or not when he had made the comment Monday night. 

"Yes sir, of course." you said eagerly as he put his suit jacket on.  "Well then, come on." He grinned to you while gesturing towards the door.

Following him home out of the office made your stomach tighten in anticipation. You had longed for his touch again so much these last few days. 

Friday, 9:43 PM

Looking at yourself in the mirror in the bathroom, you tried to take deep breaths to calm your nerves. Your face was burning red with insecurity upon seeing your reflection. This was by far the most revealing thing you've ever seen yourself in, and if it weren't for Sukuna buying it for you, it's nothing you would have gotten on your own. Your breasts were pushed up and held in a bustier style top that had lace along the edges and framed your cleavage. Of course the bottoms consisted of the same lace pattern and style, with a little bow completing the look at the top and in the middle of the band. Not to mention, they were split in the middle, allowing easy access without having to remove them or slip the cloth out of the way.

Turning to your side, you couldn't help but smile thankfully, realizing the lace of the bustier came down long enough on your sides to cover your apparent ribs. You hated how thin you were, looking like a starving dog with its ribs showing...but knowing that one of your more self conscious areas was hidden gave you a little relief.

Had Sukuna remembered that and took it into consideration when picking this style out..? God, just imagining him going into a store to pick out something naughty for you to wear was enough to send your head into a spiral.

He had told you to change, and that he'd be waiting for you in the living room, and that made you all the more nervous. This wasn't anything you've done before. Even before Toji became a complete asshole, you never did anything as flirtatious like this. With a shaky breath, you peered out of the hall bathroom after shutting the light out. Sukuna was in the living room like he said he'd be, looking out one of those tall windows that showcased the lovely city. His back was to you, and you were grateful for it. Grateful that he didn't watch you awkwardly walk down the hall, fumbling your arms on trying to figure out what to do with them. Put your hands on your hips? Let them hang freely at your sides? No matter what you did with your hands, it didn't feel right. Obviously, this was supposed to be some sexy situation, but you felt worried it would be more awkward for a man like him to see you in such a way. Still, you inhaled some confidence while approaching him. He bought you lingerie to enjoy you in it, not judge you in it. Before he could turn his head to see you, you embraced him from behind, letting your hands clasp onto the buckle of his belt. Part of you didn't want him to turn around to see you, but the other part wanted him to just get right to the point and fuck your brains out.

This was a man of power and wealth in your arms, and you were at the bottom of status and importance. But when his attention was on you, he sent you to cloud nine, elevating your existence to something worthwhile.

"Not going to let me see?" He grinned in humor as you hid yourself behind him. "I feel so scrawny." You murmured into his back, trying not to just give up and run back to the bathroom in shame. He chuckled softly while taking hold of your arm to pull you around so he could see you. "Well, I don't think that you are." His large hand clasped onto your jaw before you could protest and you went weak in his grasp, letting him move you as he desired. "And, I want to look at what's mine for the night." He smirked while pulling you towards the couch as he backed up. He released you and then started to undo his belt and you swallowed hard while watching him, keeping a swell of breath in your chest. As he sat himself down onto the couch, he patted his lap and now your lungs struggled for air. "Come on, pretty thing." His voice was like a lure, urging you to climb onto his lap and straddle the erection clearly growing in his pants. "O-oh, I-I...I'm not, not sure." You laughed anxiously. "I've...never been on top." "Oh? Nervous?" He teased, leaning back to move his pants down a bit. "Your fiancé is clearly boring when it comes to fucking. No wonder you need my dick." He smirked while gesturing you to his lap again.

You couldn't deny that...Toji never did much besides make you feel like a fuck doll. Anything that could make sex better for you was out of the question most times. Unless he was in some very rare mood. He just wanted you to lay there and shut up while he took what he wanted. He said a woman would never be above him when it came to sex, and so you just accepted staying below him in all aspects. Meanwhile, it felt like Sukuna craved to see the look of pleasure on your face.

You approached him with a nervous smile, feeling embarrassed yet recognized as his eyes traced over your body. His gaze traveled with remembrance, having already seen you a few times with little to no clothes on. You let your chest swell with a bit of pride as his minor action gave you a little confidence.

It was awkward when you tried to climb onto his lap, feeling so close and personal with this man, but he helped you up to where you needed to be.

Your breath hitched as he fully parted your legs, positioning your knees to be on either side of his thighs. You felt your aching sex spread open, making you feel so exposed and vulnerable like this. He freed his cock and let it proudly spring up from its restraints.

Despite never being on top, you knew it wasn't for beginners. Especially with a dick this big. "S-Sukuna, wait...wont it hurt?" You whimpered through soft moans while he started to kiss your neck hungrily. The way he craved you made goosebumps travel across your skin, and his large hands sliding up your back didn't help your composure either.

"I won't hurt you, y/n." He said gently, now holding onto your hips while positioning you over his length. "Just breathe for me, sweetheart." You did as he said, taking in a deep breath of air as he brought you down onto him, slipping between that opening in the lace panties to push into you. Not like there was any resistance. Your pussy spread apart for him so eagerly, allowing him to slip in like you'd done this a thousand times. "O-oh...my god..!" You let out a moaning yelp, the pressure between your hips making your body tremble as he slowly buried himself within you. Your thighs struggled to hold your weight up, but his hands remained firm on your hips, guiding you down at a slow pace so you wouldn't drop down.

Being on his lap like this, it was possible for him to reach a new depth inside that made your mind absolutely melt. It did hurt; this different pressure. But you couldn't deny how good it also felt when he hit that spongy spot deep in your core. It was a dull ache to your cervix as he nearly bottomed out, and it actually brought small tears to your eyes from the intensity of this position. You knew he'd make you love it though. Your fingertips moved to your mouth and hung loosely onto your quivering bottom lip as Sukuna held onto your shaking thighs, moving you up and down on his dick in such a slow and mindful pace. It was almost torture. A steady, increasing feeling of wonderful torture. He knew you wouldn't be ready quite yet, and had taken it slow at first. You'd get your fill soon enough. His lips came to your cheeks, softly kissing your small tears while letting you adjust. "You alright, doll?" Your eyes were held shut as you weakly nodded; in pain yet also euphoria. "I f-feel so full..." you whimpered, your other hand gripping tightly onto his shirt over his shoulder. "Need to stop?" You quickly shook your head, now looking at him with watery eyes. "N-no, sir." His cock throbbed at your soft expression, and he let out a heavy breath to ease himself. Rarely had he taken it slow like this. But the way he fit so perfectly inside of you without moving and the raw emotion on your face made him want to almost enjoy the moment a while longer. Exhaling deeply, you nodded your head as your body finally relaxed. "I'm ready."

"Hnm...how is it, pretty thing?" That smooth and timbre voice made you weak with needy desire. "S-so g...good..." you nearly sobbed as he suddenly snapped his hips upwards, burying himself into your tightening walls as far as he could go. Clearly, you had opened up fully for him, and already so soon. Your gaze focused on nothing as your body fell forward, jaw agape as you came unexpectedly hard to his cock hitting the most sensitive spots that you never knew existed. A soft whimper escaped from your lips and you're certain you drooled at this point, letting your cheek rest on his shoulder, vision blurry at the intense high he just sent you into. "Oh, my my." He smirked while wrapping his arms around you, keeping you locked against his body while continued to fuck himself up into your spasming cunt, quickening his pace. "Cant even make a sound, hm?" You couldn't, even if you wanted to. You had orgasmed so hard it just sent your mind into a daze, and all you could do was drool on his fucking shoulder. Your sloppy pussy gushed onto his lap, and the sounds of his thighs smacking up into yours echoed throughout the living room. "Fuck, I love how you take my cock." He growled lustfully into your ear. His hot breath sent chills down your spine and you clung to him while still riding your high.

He positioned himself to lay down more on his back and his hands gripped onto your waist, holding you in place while he used your body for his desires. You cried out loudly as he kept hammering into that sensitive spot, bullying his cock ever deeper into your swollen and soaked walls.

He chuckled while holding your chest tight against his with an arm wrapped around your back and shoulders. "Mmh you feel so good sweetheart..." he cooed while his other hand gripped onto your ass to spread you open more. You hid your face in his neck, sobbing from your loss of control as you knew you'd cum again any moment. You could hear just how big of a mess you were making all over him yet nothing could stop it. "P-please...d-don't stop..!" You weakly begged as he fucked the air out of your lungs. "Desperate little thing, aren't you?" He teased before pushing his lips against yours. You moaned desperately into his mouth, almost unable to keep your lips connected to his as your legs shook uncontrollably.

"I'm gonna cum, you're gonna make me cum again..!" You sat up out of his grasp, hands pushed firm against his chest as your body writhed in oncoming euphoria. "Take it pretty thing, take what you need." He grinned while watching you succumb to feelings that your fiancé could never give you. Your hips moved forward on their own, rolling against his and sending the delicious pleasure through your body. You felt like such a slut, riding this huge dick and looking down at a man who wasn't Toji. But fuck, it also made you feel incredible. Sukuna's lustful growl urged you on though, and his warm palms came to your waist, guiding you along as you rode him desperately. His thumbs pressed into your belly, staving off his own release until you finished first. You couldn't stop your nails from digging into his chest through his shirt as your walls clamped down around him, sending you into a delirious high. He swallowed hard and watched as you came, the sight of your eyes rolling back and your mouth falling open to a nearly perfect "O" made his cock throb and envy it's own release. He gave you a moment before fucking you through your orgasm, making you scream and nearly fall back as your body lost all control. His arms quickly caught you, and he pulled you back down to be tight against him as he bucked up into your swollen cunt. You moaned almost frantically into his neck, begging he doesn't stop as an immediate second wave of ecstasy takes over your body. He cums once buried deep in your constricting walls, growling in satisfaction at how tight your soaked pussy gripped onto him.

His lips were so warm, and they enveloped yours so easily. You whimpered into his mouth as he kissed you deeply and slowly, his hands caressing your body while doing so. You broke away for a moment to breathe, panting while looking into his eyes. Warmth flooded your cheeks as he watched you in return, those gorgeous maroon eyes of his fixated on yours. "Did you enjoy yourself?" He asked quietly. You slowly nodded while almost entranced by his voice. Your forehead settled against his as you sighed out in peace, draping your arms around his shoulders. "Isn't it obvious?" He chuckled softly in his throat before kissing your lips again so gently and tenderly. Making out with him like this on the couch put you in such bliss. Being this close and intimate to a man was so foreign to you. But damn, it felt so right.

Sukuna mentioned ordering some food for the two of you, and to just relax the rest of the night and perhaps watch a movie. You both changed into something more comfortable for the night, and you got nestled into the large couch between the pillows and blankets. When the food arrived, he headed down to the apartments lobby to get it, leaving you alone for a moment in this massive penthouse. There was so much room in here, and the ceilings were so tall with elegant yet modern lights hanging down from them and being only dimmed so it wasn't too bright. His taste in color made the room so relaxing and calming. Dark tones and skillfully placed furniture and decor made it really fancy yet also realistic. It wasn't just on showcase and never used. It was comfortable, almost cozy. Honestly, you just felt safe in here. So far up from the ground, so far from Toji, and behind a door that could only be accessed by the owner. It's a door that Toji couldn't come beating down to look for you.

Even the take out food tasted expensive yet amazing, and you savored every bite while watching some random movie with Sukuna. When you were done eating, you cuddled against him and rested your cheek on his shoulder while feeling more relaxed than you have in a very long time. You hoped you weren't pushing boundaries by being so cuddly against him, but he didn't say anything in regards to it. Unless he mentioned otherwise, you were going to take advantage of this closeness. Occasionally Sukuna would check his phone for an email or message regarding work, and you glanced over at one point out of curiosity; though wishing you hadn't. A woman's name popped up, MeiMei, and you only saw part of the message but it was enough to make your stomach twist into a painful knot. -"Cant wait to see you again tomorrow, fucking at my place or yours?"- He disregarded the message by swiping it away as he was still reading an email, but you turned your gaze back to the TV.

A harsh reminder that this wasn't exclusive for you...

Omg, it's been so long since I updated this story I am so sorry ;__; Too much crap has happened this year I swear...

Thank you for reading though!! Comments and reblogs are much appreciated!! (❤´艸｀❤)

[not-a-big-slay]

birthday

John Wick x platonic!fem!reader

summary: while watching TV, you go on a rant about the absurdity of birthday gifts...

warnings: fluff, father-daughter relationship, established platonic relationship, horrible ahh parents, very tooth rotting, hopefully not ooc, trauma...

a/n: this platform has a lot of daddy john, but not much of dad john and that needs to change...this shit long as hell though, hope you enjoy it :)) also kudos to whoever finds the se7en reference

The hum of the microwave, heating up his food from the previous evening, rushed across the room and slowly mixed with dimmed voices of the television. The sun has already set and the remainings of its light shined into the room through red clouds.

John patiently waited for the beep, approving that he can eat his meal. It went unheard as you exclaimed from the living room, silencing it. "That's ridiculous." John looked over, but he could barely see the reason for your sudden speaking. His hands retrieved the plate from the microwave and he finally joined you on the couch. "These folks got their 16 year old daughter a car. A car, John." you widened your eyes at the man when ending your statement while said person just moved his eyes from you and the screen, trying to understand your reasoning.

You noticed his confusion and helped his mind get rid of it: "I mean, why? Like how is 16th birthday important? It's not like it's a big milestone. I'd understand 15 maybe, but 16? It's such an.. unsatisfying number, ugly even and not important." John seemed to get your thought, so you sinked back into the couch. "You get a license at 16." reasoned the assasin, catching your attention immediately. You looked over to him, furrowed eyebrows sending the signal of disagreement. "Which is bullshit, by the way, kids shouldn't be on the road." you stated before continuing, "But they got her a brand new car, she doesn't need all that, they could have given her like their old one or just let her share theirs, she is 16 how often will she drive that thing." while talking you have made so many hand movements that John needed to sit further away, worrying you might smack him.

The television broadcasted some reality show about spoiled kids from non-rich families. Neither of you really payed attention, but it served as a good backround while doing other tasks. That is until you got interested in its bizarreness. Parents, that previously stated they each had to find 2 jobs to keep their kids in school, bought their youngest daughter a new car. It was even one of the newest models as John noticed. They have said they would do anything for their kids and that birthdays were always so important in their family. That pissed you off, apparently.

“I know this comes from a place where no love was showed, but still, too much..”

John knew about your past, you knew about his too. You were just a kid when he first met you, both of you pursuing a man with a contract on his head. You have made a good competition and teamed up with the Boogeyman after many failures to kill him. After going through a near-death experience together, the two of you became a good friends and John slowly made plans to introduce you to Helen. He didn't plan on the introduction being at the funeral. His abandoned feelings of protection that were, until that day, stored for his wife poured into the other closest person to him and you gladly accepted them and even returned yours.

To say John was relieved when you obliged him with the refuge he sought after being marked excommunicado would be an understatment. Though he wasn't enterily thrilled after you insisted on fighting for him, you were the reason he could even have this absurd conversation in the first place. Being free could never feel so good without you.

"Like what did you get for your 16th birthday?" your voice pulled him out of the waters of his mind, the young eyes tracing his. He soon found his gaze interested in the empty plate on the table and with a sigh he reached for it and started to get up. You almost accepted he wouldn't answer, but his mouth let out the answer before you could: "A gun and a victim. Just like on any other day." John disappeared into the kitchen, but your loud "Damn." found it's way into his ears anyway and uplifted the corners of his mouth. Ruska Roma didn't care about these sorts of things. For them birthdays were just for the books and to track their age, no party, no gifts. The only gift he got from them was the cross, a symbol and a reminder he belongs. His first birthday party was with Helen and it was unusual to say the least.

You said sorry as he came back to the living room and John could see the regret and discomfort on your face. You got too talktive that you forgot this fact. The man came to your rescue and quickly varied the discussion. "What about you?" he asked as he sat down, petting Dog as he filled out the space between you two. Your mind digged deep to find the answer, John assumed from your scrunched face. At last, you shrugged: "I don't know. Money? Some candy too, I guess..." The voices from the television flowed in the house, but neither of you could hear them, too invested in whatever you started. The Boogeyman raised his eyebrows at you and you narrowed them in response, confused.

"That's much worse." he scoffed.

"Worse than having to kill a person?"

"Yes."

Your mind fully froze, not able to function properly. John internally laughed at your expression, but decided to not torment you any longer. "Parents giving money to their child is just sad. Money as a gift basically says the person doesn't know or care about your interest, so they give you money to make up for it." he started to explain, "Now, you can get some dollars from your other relatives like grandparents, counsins, aunts and uncles, because you don't see them everyday, they are allowed to not know what you like. But parents? People that live with you and provide for you should be at least familiar with it.."

He left you speechless, that he knew. Your mouth was slightly opened when he finished his monologue and slammed shut when you seemed to realize. "Well," you began once every word John shot your way striked you, "thanks for the additional reason to hate my fam more." You brought out a smile, but John's fell a little when he heard that. While not knowing him well yet, you told him you were an orphan, which wasn't surprising. Everyone in this deadly industry had no chance to have a normal, healthy and loving family. At least not that he knew of. What did shock him was when you admitted to lying after the funeral. Yet you wished to be an orphan, you had the bad luck to be born in a cruel home. Mother, a guilt-tripping monster with a victim mentality, and a father, anger-issued fanatic that tried to shape his children into his made-up idea of them. You moved out as a 17 year old and to at least finish high school, bowed to the High Table. You never had a stable home, John changed that. He offered you a place to stay once he was free again, he wanted you close to protect you, but also knew you could help with his old loneliness that never seemed to leave him. He never told you how much of a help you actually were.

John focused on the present moment again when you said: "I-I still can't see how can it be worse than a murder. At least I didn't work for money and got them for being born." Dog got up and let out a little bark. A sign for hunger, as you both understood. It got dark already and you gladly followed the dog's steps into the kitchen, John already in the lead.

"Ruska Roma at least didn't hide their uninterest, I knew what not to expect." he argued back as he reached for the dog pellets. Dog started eating before John finished filling up the bowl. That made you smile as well as hungry. John, as if almost sensing it, grabbed a plate and started to heat up the rest of the food. The familiar humming sound greeted the room again.

"Ah well, let’s just agree we both got worse gifts than a car and move on." you streched your hand out while the other rested on the counter-top of the island. John replicated your smile and shook your hand. The silence following right after sealed the agreement and the microwave dinged as in celebration. You walked across the island to take your food, knowing that John will be faster. "Birthdays are horrible anyway, I don't need to know I'm one year closer to death." you thought out-loud as the man handed you your plate. The food looked delicious. John always rather kept away from the kitchen, Helen was a great cook and even when he tried to make a meal, it ended in disaster. Once you moved in though, his guardian angels granted him the luck of finding an old recepe book his wife used. This was one of the easiest, but the quantity didn't define the quality.

"Would you rather not know how old you are?" John smiled and his eyebrows settled atop when you nodded. "Yep, I'd measure it in holidays." you joked, grabbing the cutlery, "In fact, I think 6th September should be erased from the existence. It's not an important day, no one needs it and it certainly doesn't bring any good." John watched you take the food to the table and changing the channel on the screen on the way, not realizing the crucial piece of information you just revealed non-chalantely. He didn't know your birthday, he just knew you were 18 when you met him, which was apparently 6 years ago. It was before he even engaged to Helen. He also understood you were old enough to drink once you downed 3 shots as if they were filled with tap water when you both tried to figure out how could John get out of his mess. Suddenly, a calender on the wall across him whispered his name.

Today was August 3rd.

.....................

Heavy sigh and the car door were last things he heard before feeling the dryness of his car. The raindrops that couldn't reach him before closing the vehicle were banging on the roof out of anger. John carefully placed the box on his passenger seat. He did everything he could to shield it from this afternoon weather, but some water managed to force itself through his coat, not enough to do a lot of damage fortunately. His eyes didn't peel away from it, John still wagered in his mind if it's a good idea. You weren't used to gifts from your real family, why should you accept his?

Without looking away, his fingers slipped the keys into ignition and his other hand played on the wheel nervously. He didn't take the receipt, he cannot return it. But he could survive the loss of money if this gift meant destruction of your bond. He wouldn't survive that. What if it's too far, you never cared for birthdays. For every September he has known you, nothing even remotely signaled him you might be different on the sixth day. You just wanted to forget you were ever born and he would set your mind back to the start with this reminder.

His logical sense slapped these thoughts away. You were a good kid, if you hated it you would tell him politely and be honest with him. And he knew you would keep it just for the sentiment you love so much. John turned the keys sideways and started following the mentally written route home, trying to keep his gaze from trailing to the passenger seat every now and then.

Even after parking in the garage and opening the passenger's door did he avoid the box's way. First he thought he could just close his eyes and take the box in his arms blindly, though overcame it and finally made contact with the white cardboard. A box is making him insane, brilliant. John grabbed the rest of his things and welcomed the hot air rushing to him as he opened the door inside. Dog barked at his owner as if he tried to warn John before rushing to him excitedly. The house was quiet and dim from the rain protecting the room of any light. You didn't bother turning on the lights and John knew you wouldn't. You hated the yellow glow it casted and how bright they were, natural lightning wasn't forcing itself into your view.

You came around the corner as the man got up from petting the good boy. He watched you ignore him, listening to music in one ear while the other earphone swished on your shoulder with every movement made. It was broken for a while now, but no one could be surprised. In the long time you've had them, you managed to step on them, close them in between the car doors and let the dog chew on one of the pods, which was the breaking point, John assumed. The rest worked fine, the quality still haunted him.

You turned around and caught a glimpse of him, immediately taking out the music and greeting him. He smiled in response while you already had your interest on the box, laying next to him. "What's in the box, Somerset?" you got close to it, but John was faster and picked it up quickly. Your eyebrows must have been suspicious of that act the way they connected.

"It's-uhh-it's-" the room picked up the heat as John's nerves shaked anxiously. He never had a problem with creating a lie on the spot, but your pose decorated with crossed arms on the chest somehow intimidated him. He was so sure you would be able to see throught the paper lid any minute now, so he tried to hurry his thinking up. "It's just some things for the car." he waved it off, leaving you slowly nodding in understandment, deciding not to ask any questions that you definitely had. John adored your capability of minding your own business, he more adored the fact you have learned it from him. You were very curious about everything when he met you, trying to know everyone around you to the last bit of detail. He was very strict about his personal life, so he introduced you to the concept of privacy through a lot of no's and death stares. Even now, when you two could be more than open with each other, you still didn't ask, nor cared.

"Want help?"

"No, I'll just take it to the basement."

"Alright." you said before putting in the earbud again and walking to the kitchen. John sighed heavily, hoping the nerves would settle down, and made his way to the basement. He hid it under a white dirty cloth, afraid it will disgrace the gift and left. Now the only thing left was to make sure you won't visit the basement for 2 days. 2 days, he realized. So, he is really doing it, huh? John froze thinking about the worst things that you could say or do as a reaction on his idea, the worst being you kill him, but that was unlikely, he'd done the math. Your humming got picked up by his left ear as he realized that the only moment to back up was in the car. He didn't, he missed it. The backdoor is closed and the only way to move is forward.

John checked the time. 6pm.

September 4th.

----------------------------

You were relieved that the store had air conditioning, because one more second in the outside heat and you would collapse. Your hands were trying their best at waving cold air on your head and chest, yet nothing could stop the sweat of going down your skin. Even though the sun has already set, the consequences of its hot presence still appeared in these late hours. You wanted to stop for second and cool off, but remembered you're supposed to get only one thing.

Salt.

It baffled you, why is it so important to get salt right now and not tomorrow as you were already getting ready to shower and to relax in bed when John asked you to get it. You weren't very happy about it, but you didn't feel like refusing him either. That man held a lot of respect from you and you never wished to upset him. Not that he would do anything bad to you, you just rarely told him no. Not sure where the need to please people came from, you were still happy it only applied to him. He deserved it after what he has done for you.

The store was as empty as its freshly baked pastry section. While strolling through, you only saw a few workers and some costumers hunting for evening snacks, all of them visibily tired. Your footsteps echoed in the big space, you wondered if they could be heard on the other side of the store. You thought about John's weird request, trying to justify it with a reason. None came to mind. Maybe he had a girl over, but you considered that unlikely. He clearly wasn't yet over Helen- reasonably so. Or he needed some alone time, you could admit being too annoying or too much for a quiet man like John, no judging.

The salt was hiding in a tricky spot, but luckily, thanks to your noticing abilities, you found it rather quickly and headed to the checkout. If the second reason was correct, you would be fine with sleeping somewhere else to not disturb his peace, but since you were already worn out and ready for the comfortable bed, you settled on taking the long way home, letting him enjoy at least the extra 10 minutes.

You knocked before entering, something you do automatically without waiting for a response. You kicked off your shoes, balancing your weight and the pouch of salt on one leg, and yelled out "I'm back." into the dark. The dark, you realized. Why were the lights off? The stars already began to shine when you were halfway home, so it was weird if John just forgot to turn them on. He wasn't the forgetful type.

"Hello?" you called out again, more quietly though, suspicion already growing deep in your stomach. Hearing the eery silence made you drop the salt and reach for a gun taped on the bottom of a dressing cabinet. Some comfort was brought by the click announcing safety is off, but it got lost in your high anxiety once you started walking deeper in the house, back steadily on the wall. The worst case scenarios accompanied you while every sense focused on the dark living room you happened to be in. You spinned around, walking backwards to the kitchen, your mind challenging the intruder to show themselves. Suddenly, the door creaked behind you and it was enough for you to turn around rapidly and caress the trigger.

After taking in the view in front of you, you finally exhaled and lowered your gun, whispering the lord's name in relief. There stood John, glowing in candle lights, distressed by your unexpected presence and, of course, by the barrel of a gun. You didn't notice the kind of candles. Your palm held your forehead in order to stop its stressful spinning and your brain desperately trying to convince your heart to calm down, you were too busy to recognize it.

Lights above you brightened your eyelids and you felt a pair of hands on your biceps. "What's wrong, what is it." John asked quietly, scared someone followed you home or has already done something horrible to you. You shook your head before sighing heavily, getting the last bit of shock out of your body.

"Shit, you scared the fuck out of me, John." Irritation attacked your tone as you leaned forward on the counter. Your mind only had pictures of the man dead on the floor with a bullet wound he gained from you. The bullet was so close to running out the gun and for what? For a cake?

Wait a minute.

Your head lifted up, eyes being instantly mesmerized by the flow of little fires on an icy surface. A cake. John has baked a cake. And you almost shot him for it. Your gaze flickered next to you. He was nervous, only you couldn't tell if it was from the near death experience from his own friend or from the possibility of you asking about the mysterious unexpected dessert. You made the latter come true.

"What is this?" you nodded to the cake, studying every move John made as though it would explain it for him. He took a deep breath before taking your own away: "It's for you. Happy birthday." The glow of the candles brought out your widened eyes, desperately trying to find a sign of a cruel joke on John's features. They failed to do so of course, you have never seen the man so serious.

It's been a while since you heard those words. You forgot how they hugged your heart and sugared your ears. You used to whisper them to yourself sarcastically with a harsh undertone when there was no one to trust or turn to. You've stopped though as it was cringe and overly depressing. You convinced your mind birthdays were for nothing, they give you nothing and are only important for knowing your age, nothing special. They made everyone emotional over a number of years and as long as you had no one, it was pointless in making it a big thing. It couldn't be denied John was your safe space, you would place your whole life into his hands and would be sure he'd keep it more protected than the High Table could ever be, you just never thought of bringing the concept back.

Amazed by the yellow waves again, you held your breath: "Are you serious?" John smiled a little as he answered: "Yeah. Now blow 'em out." You did as you were told, taking a deep breath and blowing it forcefully on the candles. They flickered and disappeared in the thin air. It was the first time in your life you got them all on the first try. Tears of forbidden nostalgia became impossible to hold in and you eventually let them go slowly from the prison of your eyes. When you made eye contact with John.

Without hesitation you close the space between you two and digged your face in the crook of his neck as your arms tightly wrapped his torso. His hands buried you in the feeling of safety and you felt shielded as they squeezed you into him. "Thank you." came out of you silently, only for John to hear. As a response, he took a step back to look at you. "You have no reason to thank me." his palm found its den on your neck as his eyes grew comfortable on yours.

You couldn't help but wonder if this is the way others feel on their birthday when they are surrounded by people they love and care for, by people that love and care for them. Because if it is, a big part of your birthdays was stolen, you would love them if they felt like this, you would wait a whole year only for this feeling, this sense of family, this certainity you are loved and you matter.

All of that left momentarily when John's hands let you go. "No reason to thank me yet." he bent down and came back up with a white box in his hands. He gently placed it on the counter next to the cake. After you clearly didn't understand what is supposed to happen, he gladly gave you a hint. "Open it." he motioned his head to it and you obeyed, carefully touching the lid as if it was a bomb that would go off any second. It's not like it was unlikely to hide a bomb inside a similar-looking box. You pressed the cardboard with your fingers and lifted it up.

You gasped quietly in order to help your mind take in the brand new headphones that shined at you maybe more brightly than the candles. They were white, wireless, so no annoying wire to slow you down, they were also overhead, too big for Dog to chew on them. You felt John's eager gaze, waiting for you to pick them up, but you felt even your stunned look would bruise them. You didn't deserve this, none of it. The happiness that danced into you the moment you realized John remembered your special day now began to look like a well-known and hated naivety. This love and luxury didn't belong to someone like you, what were you thinking.

"This- this is-" you began to panic. What would happen if you accepted it, would the world explode from the connection of two things that could never work together? You doubted it, but who would wanna risk it. "I can't accept this." Suddenly all you wanted was to run from the cake and the gift, you now felt like the bomb that you tried so hard not to light, that was supposed to be in that box. John's figure stopped you from going anywhere. "Yes, you can." You rapidly shook your head from side to side, his words couldn't distract you from the harsh reality. You weren't worth all of this.

"You are good enough for all of this and more." his calm tone was confusing for your stressed state, but the demanding adittude of his got through your walls and made you listen. "Take it, you deserve it."

Your hand subconsiously touched your necklace and pressed one of the daisies on it. It belonged to his wife, you found it when his house was blown to pieces and gave it to him once he started the repairs. He insisted on you keeping it, though. You protested, it was a gift for the love of his life, you couldn't take something that serious. "Take it. You found it, you deserve it." he said back then. You never knew her, yet you wore her jewelry, her gift.

"She would adore you."

Your eyes snapped to John, noticing him looking at your neck with a sad smile on his face. You lowered your hand and trailed your eyes back on your birthday gift. Without thinking you reached for the headphones, picking them up. They were suprisingly light and very comfortable to touch. As you put them over your head, everything went quiet. You didn’t know that an already silent room could get even more deafened, but here you were, hearing absolutely nothing.

"No way." you know you said, even though you couldn't hear it. John's smile got wider as you looked around in awe, it seemed like you were in a complete different place, not a boring kitchen. After taking them off, you sighed overwhelmedely, you could only imagine how beautiful the sound may be. "So?" John was interested, still a bit on the edge if the gift is good or not and only you could push him from it. However the only thing you did was throwing yourself around his neck, making him lose his balance momenteraly.

Before he could hug you properly, you already pulled away. "Now can I thank you?" you joked, but you could never make up for this. He had done all of this for you, that wasn't something you'd brush off with only two words. They lost meaning next to John's actions. "Yeah, now you can." was all you needed to hear to press into him again. John rested his head on top of yours, but not before kissing your hair and stroking your back.

You felt Dog nuzzling up against your legs and you looked down to see his happy, carefree face. He definitely woke up just no. You laughed and only noticed you were crying when tears fell into the corners of your mouth. You quickly wiped them away, turning away from John so he couldn't see. The man had the same problem though, also showing you his back while complaining silently about the dust getting into his eyes.

Once you both wiped your tears, you turned back around and laughed a little. This is all you needed. No assasin had this as far as you knew. Why two of the most deadliest people got visited by the biggest luck this world had in store. You looked back at Dog, his face excited for whatever you'd do. You sighed and rememebered the oh so good-looking desert on the kitchen counter.

"Want some cake?"

[shinestarhwaa]

TEMPERANCE || JUNG WOOYOUNG

Summary: after being patient with you for so long, you finally let go of yourself a little with Wooyoung

Part of Ateez Tarot Event July 2023

Learn more about this card here

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Pairing: bf!Wooyoung x Fem reader

Word Count: 1.2K

Tags/warnings: anxious!Reader, mentions of trauma, dirty language, established relationship, virgin!reader, experienced!Wooyoung, handjob, blowjob

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @star1117-archives @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @lemonhongjoong @babesindestroyland

ENJOY!

It was Saturday, the usual date night for you and your lover. You were seated on his couch, his hand resting on your knee. As far as he was allowed to go.

You had been together for a month or five by now, and you still hadn't gone further than kissing. That was your choice, really, if it was up to Wooyoung he probably would've slept with you already. You didn't really know, since you tended to avoid conversations about sexual things.

Wooyoung noticed your body was tense, and took his hand back. You felt your heart sting, hating that it scared you so much. You wanted to lay in his arms, with his hands all over you and not caring about anything, but your worries were overwhelming.

You were hard on yourself, you knew that, but your trauma is what caused all your anxiety. Wooyoung knew about almost all of it, your emotional bond was intense and deep, much deeper than you ever expected it to be.

When you met Wooyoung he was incredibly fun and playful, but when you got together you learned the man behind the boy, the man who had also been hurt before and the man who wanted to listen to you, take care of you.

You trust Wooyoung with your life, and you wanna get over your fear to be intimate. You know he'll be making sure to make you feel good and safe. Besides that, he's incredibly attractive.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't look at him sexually. You knew how beautiful your boyfriend was. He has beautiful long black hair, the softest caramel skin, playful eyes and big manly hands.

God, those hands. You took his hand in yours, playing with his fingers and running your finger over his thick visible veins. He grinned and kissed your nose. "What are you doing, princess?"

"Just... I like your hands," you smiled softly, a rosy blush creeping up on your cheeks. He smirked slightly, not being able to surpress it. "Yeah? Good..."

"Wooyoung?"

It was like you both knew. You called out his name and your heart started racing, and you saw him being alert too. You locked eyes with him and after a few seconds, his lips were on yours.

He was gentle though, as gentle as always, but the energy was different. It was obvious he wanted you, and you wanted him too. But were you ready for it?

You broke off the kiss after a few minutes, and just like usual, Wooyoung focussed on the tv again, you knew he did it to show you he didn't intend to go any further, respecting your boundaries. But you couldn't stop looking at him.

"Wooyoung," you called out again, weaker than the previous time. He turned his head back to you, eyebrows raised. You took his hand, placing it on your upper thigh. You noticed he swallowed thickly, so he must know what you want from him.

You kissed him deeply, using your tongue this time, something you hadn't done often yet. You felt so close and connected to him, it felt good and safe. His hands roamed respectfully over your thighs and hips. You ran your hands up and down his chest, grazing agains this nipples in the process.

You broke off the kiss and kissed his neck, licking gently across a prominent vein and his adam's apple. "Y/N," he breathed out when you reached out to cup his clothed hardened cock.

"W-What are you doing?" He asked when you fondeled his crotch, rubbing your palm against his hard-on. "Let me please help you... You have waited long enough," you whispered, "teach me, please."

"But honey," he started, but you pushed your finger against his lips. "You tell me to do things on my own tempo, this is my tempo, I'm ready for something new."

You sat in front of him on your knees as you unbuttoned his jeans. "Please tell me if you wanna stop because you truly don't have to-" "Wooyoung, honey I want this, I wanna touch you," you assured him before taking his pants off.

Wooyoung nodded and decided to give in, helping you with taking his underwear off, revealing his hard member. You gasped as you looked at his cock. It was so thick, so thick your mouth started to water. The tip was pink like his beautiful lips and just like his hands and arms his cock had thick veins running over the base.

You took it in your hands, running your fingertips over his hard member. Wooyoung took a deep breath, but his body trembled with adrenaline. Wooyoung spat in his hand and stroked his cock a few times, making it easier for you to touch him.

His cock twitched when your thumb touched the sensitive tip, startling you. "It can do that?" You gasped. Wooyoung laughed, making it twitch again on purpose. "Oh my goodness, you," you laughed. It was nice, laughing through the situation, making your nerves calm down.

Wooyoung covered your hand with his own, slowly moving it up and down the base of his cock. "Start it off like this, don't overdo it, ease me in a little, and build it up, build i- y-yes, God, just like that," he moaned out.

You pumped his cock up and down on the pace he showed you. Wooyoung let go of your hand and threw his head back when you picked up the pace.

To his surprise you lapped your tongue on the tip of his cock, digging into the slit where pre-cum collected itself. The taste was salty on your tongue, and it made you crave more of him.

You took his dick into your mouth, sucking gently. You wouldn't take too much yet, easing yourself and him in the way he liked it. You used your hands on the base of his cock as you sucked at the tip.

Wooyoung moaned your name, making your pussy drip, goosebumps raising on your skin. He tried his best to keep his hips down from bucking up into the heat of your mouth. "Sweetheart, fuck, that feels so so good," he grunted.

You took more of his dick into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down, making him moan out your name. His breathing picked up, soft whines falling off his lips.

After a few minutes you felt his cock pulsate and twitch in your mouth. "Baby, baby I'm gonna cum! Fuck!" Wooyoung moaned loudly. His words encouraged you to work harder for him, wanting him to cum in your mouth.

With a few more bobs of your head he spurted his cum into your mouth, filling you with his seed. Wooyoung let out a long, low moan as he came, hand running through your hair.

He panted softly as you swallowed his load, sitting back next to him on his couch. Wooyoung took a breath to slow his rapid heartbeat. His cock went flaccid against his stomach, clearly statisfied after his orgasm.

"You're so perfect, my love," he smiled, kissing you. "I wanted to help you out," you smiled, kissing his head. "As long as it's your own tempo, sweetie, I ain't complaining," he grinned, "you're in control."

[ambrosialdesire]

Idk what type of drugs you put into your yandere Reiner series but it has been on my mind 24/7/365 I need tiny crumbs 🤲 anything, I need anything 😞

AAAAA TYYY i've seen you all the time in my activity and i wanna thank you so much for your constant support! <3

you want more cacoëthes reiner so here’s some more cacoëthes reiner crumbs!!! (also bc i want to write something else rn so i can keep writing the thing i was supposed to post a few weeks ago LOL) and on my kinktober list, there was an epilogue that i was supposed to write (AND I WILL I STG IM TRYING YALL BUT IM JUST BEING BOMBARDED WITH THIS FAST AF PACED PROGRAM 😭) and that was supposed to be a peek inside their relationship during her the first couple months into her pregnancy.

anyways, both the reader (or you lol) and reiner could not keep each other's hands off each other after that night, even though you swear on your entire family's dead souls that you hated him. his big fat cock was too irresistible to continue abstaining from and it's reiner, bro's a little too insatiable for only one round. he ain’t complaining though and he loves to fuck out those endearing i love you’s out of you, so two wins for him ig 😭

and of course, from a previous ask from an anon, reader does indeed get pregnant from the constant action lmfao

but ambro, couldn't the reader have done something to get rid of the child? yeah she/you could've, if not for the fact that you had began to develop feelings towards him (although its mostly bc of the amount of trauma you went through, extreme stockholm syndrome, and heavy coping you had to do in the aotverse, reiner’s the only stable thing in your life so you’re going to cling onto the closest thing of security you have, which is your captor unfortunately 💀) and you're kinda not opposed to it anymore. cacoëthes reader had always wanted to have a family but never thought it could be possible since giving life to a child in a world full of titans wasn't really ideal for starting one. lucky for you, you now live in a world where there's no titans (kinda)!

you were completely alone when you were going through the beginning symptoms of pregnancy, unaware of why you kept vomiting so often or why you had to go to the bathroom even more than before or why you were so fatigued after barely doing anything. when you went to the doctor, that’s when you finally found out that you were already 2 months pregnant. getting out of the office, you kinda snapped out of the housewife-sona you’ve developed in order to cope and become extremely aware of what was happening to you. you cried a lot, absolutely terrified that this was actually happening to you. you barely had your mom most of your life so you didn't know what you were going to do next, all you sorta knew what to do was to make sure that both you and the baby were going to be healthy for the rest of pregnancy.

reiner didn't know about it since he had to leave to go fight some more after a two month absence of him "taking care" of you and your injuries. he sorta did know that he had already gotten you pregnant from all those nights and afternoons fucking on every single surface of the home nonstop, but you never know. so when he came back about a month-ish later, his jaw dropped to the floor when you turned around with a slight bump in your stomach (around this time, you’re like maybe 3-4.5 months pregnant now).

he’s absolutely over the moon but you start crying in front of him, admitting that you’re so scared of the unknown future and what if he actually leaves for good (the abandonment issues are at an all time high bc of hormones and bc he did tell you that he’s going to eventually die in a couple of years 💀). reiner merely hushes you and tells you that you'll be a great mom and he'll be there for you for as long as he lives. it doesn't really make you feel better but the reassuring look in his eyes makes you feel some sort of dull comfort, it's better than nothing ig lol

reiner asks to be sent less often to the wars just so he won't miss the birth of his child or let you get injured again since you're alone most of the time. they grant this for him but they did dock his pay bc of it and it's not that bad of a cut, just more budgeting is going to be more involved in y'alls lives.

yea this is pretty mid snippet-wise sorry 😭

the epilogue i'm going to write covers even more in-depth with their relationship so stayed tuned for that eventually! i might post it on the year anniversary of cacoëthes pt 1 but we'll see lol

[thelightsandtheroses]

Call It What You Want: Chapter 2 - let me put my lips to something

Pairing: Frankie Morales x female reader (she’s Tom Davis’ half-sister, however there are no physical descriptions)

Summary: Tom Davis’ younger half-sister never expected to move back to Florida, but eight months after her brother’s untimely death and in the wake of her, in hindsight, ill-advised marriage ending, here she is. Frankie Morales is trying to get it together after his relapse on returning to Florida led to the breakdown of his relationship. His priorities now are finding his own place so he doesn’t need to sleep on Pope’s couch, maintaining sobriety, spending more time with his daughter and getting his pilot’s licence back. So when the two of them end up sharing an apartment, it seems like the ideal solution. However, things are never that simple, are they?

Chapter Warnings: Minors DNI (18+ only), language, discussions of drug abuse and addiction, allusions to a previously abusive relationship (not detailed or specified), discussions of death, PTSD.

Notes – thanks for your patience with this one. The chapter title is from Eat Your Young by Hozier.

Word Count: 4.8 k

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Frankie

Frankie curls his hands around the paper cup, his feet tapping the floor.  He’s been thinking about flying again.

It’s been more than nine months since he flew last and he’s not even sure if he should count Colombia. If the helicopter crashes and everything turns to shit, are those miles you want to log?

If he’d just been firmer, if he’d realised Tom was lost in dollar bills and they were all heading the same way. He was the one who’d been to flight school, he knew the weight was a problem.

He could have stopped it.

He could have been slower to the trigger; he could have done it all differently.

No.

No, this was spiralling. This isn’t healthy. Frankie straightens in his chair, takes a deep breath.

If he was more like Will, he’d probably know exactly what number NA meeting this was now. Whatever number it is, it’s too many.

The meeting finally draws to a close. Finally!

Frankie is not sharing today. He has, in the past, but it’s been carefully selected. Frankie offers a creative reimagining of his relapse that removes all criminal liability from the events of the past year, to protect the people he has left. Besides, how would he even start to explain what had happened to anyone who wasn’t there?

It’s frustrating sometimes. He hears people share about terrible childhoods and difficult upbringings and all these things that somehow don’t legitimatise addiction but explain it.

Frankie Morales grew up with loving, if a little stifling, parents and no deep dark childhood trauma. He supposes the army is where it all started to change.

What a fucking cliche.

Maybe you can never really come back from who they make you. He thinks of Will’s paid speeches, of the way he just owns the fact they’ve been trained to manipulate, assess, take your emotions out of the equation. They don’t die though; they just get locked away and weigh heavier and heavier.

Frankie understands how the meetings help him overall, why they’re important but sometimes they don’t work. Sometimes all they do is make him feel like he shouldn’t be there, or they pull his weaknesses out in front of him like teeth with pliers. It’s bloody, painful, unnecessary. Every one of his ghosts will sit in the room with him on those days, silently judging.

Frankie takes a deep breath, shuts his eyes, and tries to pay attention to the rest of the meeting.

Frankie pushes Gaby on the swing further, waving at Santiago as he approaches.

The meeting this morning was rough, but Frankie’s already feeling better. He has his daughter with him gleefully smiling and laughing in the playground. He has one of his best friends back, things are starting to look up. He’s making it through this.

Santiago walks over, slaps his hand on Frankie’s back. “Oh, I see how it is,” he jokes, casting his eye around the playground which is filled with the usual crowd of mothers and possibly nannies. Like Frankie can tell the difference.  “Hey princesa,” he adds, smiling at Gabby who beams up at him.

“She chose the park,“ Frankie says. 

Santi smirks before asking, ”How’s the apartment working out?”

“It’s good. Glad to have my own bed again, fuck I’m too old to crash on sofas.”

“Tell me about it. Are you getting on okay with Tom’s sister?”

“She has a name.”

“Hey, I like her! Look, Frankie, Molly says she asked questions about what went down with Tom, before she moved out of there so just - be aware of that, okay?”

Rain and storms and too much fucking weight on the helicopter flash through Frankie’s mind. He shouldn’t have listened to Tom; he should have been assertive. That’s always been his problem though, that’s what his dad says, he goes along with the crowd. At school, in the army, with Santi and Tom?

Frankie digs his hands into his pockets. “She hasn’t mentioned shi - anything about it to me, barely mentions Tom actually. I get the sense they weren’t close.”

“Sounds about right. You ever hear Tom talk about her?” Santi scoffs. “Families.”

Frankie looks at his daughter. He thinks of Melissa, how they prioritise Gaby. It hurts, the life he could have had with them and the ideas that died with his relationship. They’re still close to friends though, they look after Gaby. Frankie let both of them down but neither of them have given up on him.

He thinks about what Santi’s just said.  Tom barely ever mentioned his sister, barely ever seemed to even talk to you. It’s weird.

He pushes Gabby on the swing, listens to her happy squeals.

“Can we grab a coffee?” Santi asks, “I’m fu - freaking exhausted.”

“Sure,” Frankie says. He seems to remember the bookstore and coffee shop you work in is a short walk from the park and without thinking about why, he suggests that particular coffee shop rather than the Starbucks down the road. It’s better to support small businesses anyway, right?

It’s different watching you to work to seeing how you are at home. You’re wearing a loose black t-shirt, with a band logo Frankie vaguely recognises but can’t quite place.

When you see the three of them, you smile widely. Frankie’s introduced Gabby to you once when Melissa dropped her off at the apartment. Frankie thinks that she wanted to just verify the apartment was as she hoped, and that she could see Frankie was making the right moves.

He’s trying.

The day after that visit she had texted Frankie to say he could have Gabby overnight there next week if he wanted. He’d spent the rest of his shift beaming and wouldn’t tell anyone why.

You smile at Frankie and Santiago when they walk up to the counter.

Frankie lifts Gabby out of her stroller, balances her on his hip so she can see the counter. Her tiny hands clutch around Frankie’s shoulder and she reaches for Frankie’s cheek.

“Hey guys, and good morning, Gabby,” you say as Gabby giggles and then buries herself in Frankie’s shoulder.

“How’s the bookstore and coffee world?” Santi asks, that wry smile Frankie recognises all too well on his face. His voice is honeyed, his whole face has lit up in a way that Frankie’s watched so many girls fall into blushing giggles over. Frankie’s never quite been able to do that; it’s not that he’s necessarily had issues attracting women, and God that feels arrogant to think, it’s more that of his group of friends, well it’s hard to compete with them sometimes.

“Same as ever,” you say breezily, “Where’d you end up then, the park or the zoo?”

“Gabby chose the park.”

“Atta girl. So, what can I get you?”

“An Americano and then another Americano with one extra shot of coffee, right Frankie, and a-” Santi looks over at Gabby and then Frankie expectantly.

“She’s not even two, Santi, she’s not drinking coffee.”

“Hey, I’ve seen how much coffee you drink, I’m surprised that’s not genetically built into her.“

Frankie laughs, but his hairs stand up on his neck. He’s thought about it a lot already - what if his daughter inherits his addictive personality, how can he do that to her.

“Babycino?” you ask suddenly, breaking him out of his reverie, “I’m guessing she’s too young for hot chocolate?“

“Yeah, yeah, that would be great, thanks.”

“No problem, give me two minutes.”

You turn away and start making the drinks as Santi reaches for Gabby’s hand, smiling at her widely.

“You settling in okay?” Santi asks you as Frankie tries to distract Gabby from the cakes in the display.

“Yeah, things have been good,” you say cheerfully, handing the first coffee to Frankie. “I’m taking it you’re the extra shot, Frankie?”

Frankie nods.

“How much do I owe you?” Frankie asks, placing his cup down so he can reach for his wallet cautiously as Gaby squeezes around his neck. He doesn’t want to disturb her too much, doesn’t want to show how awkward this position is for him.

“It’s fine.”

“No, no, I can -” He can’t take advantage of his roommate like this.

“Eh, roommate and friend discount,” you say casually, handing Santiago his takeaway cup of coffee and Frankie a small cup of steamed milk for Gabby; this must be the babycino, Frankie thinks.

“What about her?” Santiago asks, pointing at Gabby who grins widely from Frankie’s arms.

“Oh, like I could charge her anything,” you reply, smiling back at Gabby and then meeting Frankie’s eyes. “You’ve got a special kid there, Frankie.”

“Don’t I know it,” he replies, kissing Gabby’s forehead. “Say thank you for your - I can’t call this a babycino, seriously. Drink, can you say thank you for your drink, honey?”

His daughter giggles and says her version of thank you. Frankie watches how it makes you smile, how he’s noticed when you it’s genuine, you scrunch your nose.

“We’ve got some new books in that she might enjoy,” you say, “If you want to get any of them, let me know and I can use my staff discount.”

“You’re not offering me a book discount?” Santiago asks.

“I just gave you a free coffee! You can afford to pay full price so I can keep my job. Gabby is too young to have an income.”

“That’s not fair,“ Santiago says.

“Life isn’t,” you say lightly, winking at Frankie and then moving on the next customer.

There’s something about you. It draws him in, makes him want to ask more, know more about you. You seem so light around him, Benny and the others and Frankie knows there’s more to you than that. He can see it.

That’s the thing - you can always see it in others, those matching scars and insecurities. It’s a honing beacon, it’s as visible in a stranger’s eyes sometimes as if you are wearing the same football team shirts. We’re the same, it says.

You’re not though. He knows who he is. Frankie is failure and disappointment and regret, all handily tied together in faded t-shirts and too long hair.

Frankie is why your brother is dead.

Frankie is why the mission failed. Santi needed a pilot, one who would stand up and see if the helicopter was too heavy and not back down, who wouldn’t shoot first.

He can be your friend though, surely?

Santi doesn’t say anything to Frankie until the three of them have left the shop, Gabby clutching a brand new book in her stroller while Frankie pushes her with one hand and drinks coffee with the other.

“You’re in trouble, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Frankie asks, suddenly panicked.

“You like her.”

“I live with her, Pope, it helps to like her.”

“Nah, you know what I mean.” Santi stops and touches Frankie’s arm. “Be careful, hermano, please.”

You

Work has been quieter than usual. You spend your days, idly rearranging book displays and experimenting with the coffee grind and tamping, try and perfect your latte art. Making a good cup of coffee is an art; you must get the grind right, then tamp it with just enough pressure. Steaming milk’s the same; it needs to be the right quality, the right amount of air let in, the right swirling vacuum as the process goes on.

You like the routine now. You like talking to customers and reminding yourself of why you loved books in the first place. Academia taught you a lot, skills you use every day and you’re proud of but overanalysing texts sometimes can make you forget why you loved books in the first place. And yes, perhaps you wish more people were actually buying books in the store, but you’re spending your day surrounded by things you love and that’s a luxury.

And oh, you used to love reading. It was the escape from your parents arguing, from a childhood where you felt like an only lonely child because Tom was older and resented you and didn’t want a sister. At least that’s what you’d assumed over the years.

This new life you’re building in Florida; a new job, new and old friends? It feels right, comfortable even.

So, you don’t even notice when Ella starts trying to set you up with the coffee guy.

And when he asks you out one day, you’re so surprised that he would ask you out, that you find yourself saying yes without even thinking about it.

On paper, he’s everything you would look for surely. He’s passionate about coffee, he’s mentioned books he’s reading idly in conversation, he has a good smile and amazing biceps. So, why not say yes? This is part of building your new life, right?

That’s how you find yourself now, walking back into your apartment after what can only be described as an utter disaster, or at least a complete disappointment.

If this is what dating makes you feel like after a divorce, you don’t want any of it.  Your anxiety has run rampant over the last few hours, along with a deepening and worrying sense that the problem is you.

You’re the one who hadn’t felt the connection after all. You’re the one who held back, who just couldn’t bring up the right feelings like a defective clock.

“Hey,” Frankie says, looking up from the sofa as you walk in. You hadn’t anticipated this - you remembered Benny saying that him and Frankie were hanging out tonight which is why you thought you could get away with just sneaking in and had even scheduled this date for tonight. Crap. This makes it even more humiliating.

“How was Benny?” you ask mildly, shrugging your jacket off and hanging it up.

“Yeah, it was uh-” Frankie pauses, “it was good. He’s training for Friday’s fight, are you coming to that?”

“Yeah, think so.” You walk over closer to the sofa.

Frankie’s staring at you. “Oh god, do I - I look stupid, don’t I?” You self-consciously pull the edge of your dress down, wishing that you’d worn something else instead.

“Not at all,” he says, voice low.

“Thanks,” you say as you walk into the kitchen, “drink?”

“Please. So, how’d it go?” Frankie asks. “I take it you didn’t get dressed up like that just to go hang out with your friends.”

“Hey, I could have.”

Frankie holds his hands up. “No judgement here, sweetheart.”

“It was a date,” you confess finally, “I don’t know. It’s weird. I haven’t had to do small talk for years, I don’t know if I like it.”

“I get that.”

It’s easy with your friends; Danny has known you for a long time, Ella is Ella, Benny and Will just get you and there’s no pressure with either of them, you haven’t known Santiago as well but he’s always consistent. As for Frankie, living with him has been surprisingly easy. He’s calm and even and kind - you like living with him now. It feels more natural than living with your ex-husband ever did.

It strikes you that now you count all four of your brother’s former team as your friends - they were your brother’s first, but now, now you wonder if they might be a little bit yours too.

“So other than the small talk, how’d it go?”

“I don’t know,” you confess, “Hey, how long were you and Melissa together again? I kind of remember her vaguely from Tom’s birthdays and barbecues when I was here.” You hope Frankie will take your oh so subtle subject change without argument.

“Five and a half years. What about you?”

“Me and Melissa?” you joke, causing him to roll his eyes dramatically.

“Ha-ha, you know what I mean. I seem to remember he was always around - it was a long time, right?”

“Ten years, married for nine of them.”

“What?” Frankie looks at you almost in surprise. “That’s longer than I thought.”

You shrug and take a sip of your drink. “My date sucked,” you say after a moment.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.  I think there might be something wrong with me?”

“What did that asshole say? What was his name again? Want me to go beat him up?” Frankie asks, a crooked smile on his lips that really shouldn’t be so attractive.

“He didn’t do anything, Frankie, it’s me. I - I should have felt something, right, I mean he was literally gorgeous, right? I should have wanted him.”

When Frankie doesn’t reply, you glare at him and jab his shoulder until he shrugs.

“What are you saying?”

“That I should have wanted to rip his clothes off, but I didn’t though.” This is humiliating. “I mean, shouldn’t there have been butterflies, or even just good old-fashioned lust, or something? Right, there should have been something there? I just felt like we were going through the motions. There was no - I didn’t feel any chemistry.”

Frankie doesn’t reply for a moment and you take the time to really look at him instead. Sometimes when you look at Frankie, you wonder how he’s still single because he’s a good-looking man. In the time you’ve lived the apartment, he’s never been on a date. He hangs out with Santiago, Benny and Will and he does go out to other places, but you’ve never seen him go on a date or bring anyone back. Thankfully. You’re not entirely sure how you would feel about that.

“Look, maybe he just wasn’t your type,” Frankie says after a moment. “You’re being hard on yourself.”

“He was into coffee and he had perfect arms. We liked the same bands. How the hell was he not my type? What is my type but that?”

“Everyone likes Fleetwood Mac.”

“No, they don’t.”

“It was the wrong guy, that’s all. You’ve been single for a while and is this your first date since the break-up, right?”

You nod. “I couldn’t really date at Molly’s and I thought I should wait a while anyway.”

“Exactly so maybe you’ve just got to, I don’t know, see what works, let things flow a bit? When you know, you know. Did you even like him before the date?“

You think about it for a moment and shrug. Ella had encouraged you and if you were honest, you’d just wanted to prove that you were over Nate, over the trauma of that marriage, that this was the new you. Maybe Frankie’s on to something. You should have fancied the guy, but you hadn’t.

Reassurance flushes through your body. You’re not broken, you’re not.

“I don’t think I did fancy him. I thought I should, but no.”

“Yeah, so it would be a shit date. Next time, date a guy you really like, or something. Oh man, look I am really bad at this sort of talk.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Can we pretend I am?” he asks, nudging your arm as you both laugh. “Can we pretend so we never have to discuss this again because I am so out of many comfort zones right now.”

“It’s practice for when Gabby dates.”

“No, because that’s not happening. I’m going to do the whole cliched, polishing my gun on a porch thing, and she’s not gonna date until she’s at least thirty. Plus, if you think I could be intimidating, you should see Mel. Like, no-one has a chance in hell.”

“Uh-huh, sure, Frankie.”

“Dammit.”

You laugh and Frankie shakes his head. ”Hey, I’ve got an episode of our show saved if you want to watch it?”

“Absolutely.”

He presses buttons on the TV remote, sets up the streaming platform and you lean back against the sofa, exhale and finally feel relaxed.

Frankie has an arm over the side of the sofa you’re sitting and before he presses play, he looks over at you.

“I’m glad we did this,” he says, “that we got this apartment. I like living here.”

You feel it then, the slight tightness in your stomach, the unsettled butterflies flitting around.

Oh.

Oh.

This is going to be a disaster.

After your realisation about Frankie, everything feels different. It’s like the world has just shifted slightly off axis but only you know. Frankie is thankfully oblivious and so the next morning, things continue in the steady routine you’ve both formed.

You drop the milk back from your spoon into your cereal bowl as you notice Frankie join you in the kitchen.

“Coffee?” he asks.

“My hero,” you reply, pushing your empty mug towards him for a refill.

He laughs. It’s almost self-deprecating; the way he looks away when you compliment him.

You notice the way his T-shirt rises as he grabs a mug from the top cabinet, you notice the line of hair on his stomach right down to the grey sweatpants he’s wearing.

You can’t do this. You quickly try and remind yourself of all of his annoying habits; he never remembers to leave the toilet seat down, he smokes which is a horrible habit.

He hands you a cup of coffee, made just how you like it. He is not helping you at all.

“Are you working today?”

“Yep, hopefully people will actually come in and want to buy some books today. I had like three people yesterday who asked for recommendations, so I spent time with them, I curated a list.”

“Curated?”

“I curated, Frankie, I curated a perfect list. You know what they did?”

Frankie winces. “I have a nasty feeling.”

“They said they’d order online, Frankie, online!”

“Heathens, monsters, the lot of them.”

“I thought academia was evil when I was in grad school, but this is just sick.”

“So, what happens with that?” Frankie asks, “Weren’t you partway through when you left?”

“I was,” you sigh, looking away from Frankie and taking a large gulp of your coffee. “It’s difficult. I burned a few bridges by leaving like I did, without notice and in the middle of the semester. I mean I was TAing and - I can reapply here, try and find a suitable supervisor, but I don’t know. If I’m honest, I have no idea what to do right now, I like where I’m working at the moment. I’m not even sure who I was doing the PHD for by the time I left. I love literature, but I don’t know if I was still in love with it when I left - am I even making sense, Frankie?”

Frankie nods. “Perfect sense.” For a moment he looks haunted. You get the sense that there are a thousand things in his mind at that mind, swirling behind those deep brown eyes. He looks haunted sometimes, there’s more to him then you know. It doesn’t surprise you because you remember seeing the same thing in Tom over the years.

 He checks his phone and curses. “Sorry, hon, I gotta go to work, see you later?”

“Yeah, see you later.”

You watch him make his way to the bathroom. Oh, you’re screwed.

Apart from the quiet hum of traffic in the distance, all you can hear is the evening birdsong and the start of crickets chirping. You’re sitting on the small balcony of your apartment, a half-drunk glass of wine on the table next to your book.

In New York, there was always so much noise, so much activity. When you moved there it felt overwhelming at first, then comforting somehow.

You prefer this though.

The sliding door opens and you turn to see Frankie behind you, a bottle of beer in his hand.

“Hey, you mind?” He indicates to the empty metal chair opposite you and you shake your head.

He sighs loudly as he exhales, stretches his legs out.

“Long day?”

“The longest,” he says, “Work was flat out and oh- I need this weekend.”

“Hey, some of us have to still work tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, an apologetic smile on his face as he scrunches up his shoulders. He’s wearing a beaten old t-shirt with a faded logo you can’t quite make out and grey sweats. Frankie removes his hat for a moment, revealing unruly curls that he sweeps back before replacing his hat.

“What’s the story with the hat?” you ask, your curiosity finally getting the best of you.

“Why’s there gotta be a story?”

“There’s always a story, like -” you pull at the familiar necklace around your neck. “This was a graduation present from my Mom and I wear it every day.”

“Cute. I don’t know. I guess I got used to wearing a hat after I joined the army. You have the buzz cut and it gets cold, and then I don’t know - I guess it just feels like me now.”

“I get that.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s cute. I mean, your hair is cute without it -”

“You think my hair’s cute?” Frankie looks up at you, his expression almost childlike with wonder but all you can think is how you’ve definitely ruined everything now.

You stand up and immediately grab your wine glass before moving back inside to the safety of the kitchen.

You down the wine and rest both your hands against the edge of the counter, try and take deep breaths.

In for four, hold for four, out for four.

“Hey, hey,” Frankie says from behind you. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t. You didn’t do anything, I should say sorry.”

“Why the hell would you say sorry?”

“I don’t make things awkward.”

“’S not awkward,” Frankie says in a low voice, gently turning you around to face him. “We’re good, right?”

You nod tentatively.

“So you think my hair’s cute, huh?” he teases.

You shake your head and look down, mumbling his name as you place your hand on his shoulder. You notice Frankie’s hand is still on your waist.

“Don’t tease me,” you say.

“I’m not teasing,” Frankie murmurs, “I’m surprised.”

“Why? You’re a good-looking guy.”

“Oh yeah?” He doesn’t quite sound like he believes it.

“You are.”

He leans in closer to you, his other hand framing your waist now. “You’re beautiful, you know? And smart. I’ve gotta wonder what the hell would you want with me?”

“Frankie,” you say gently, running your hands down in his arms in an effort to reassure him. Is this happening? Is this actually happening?

You can feel the butterflies, feel that warmth of desire and want in your body. You haven’t felt this in years, hadn’t remembered how intoxicating it was to long for someone. Frankie was right, when you know, you know.

Without thinking, you close your eyes and lean in.

“Mmm, this - this is a bad idea, right?” he asks, lips dangerously close to your neck.

“The worst,” you mumble.

He smells like sandalwood shower gel, there’s a hint of tobacco on his clothes and the sharp smell of mint trying to cut through as he moves, his lips just inches from your own.

“We shouldn’t do this.”

“Nope.”

“It’ll make things complicated.” His fingers lightly trace your collarbone to your shoulder and he leans in closer. You swear you can almost feel the heat radiating from his body.

“I’m used to complicated,” you say gently before you meet his lips.

It’s bold, for you, you never initiate, never make the first move normally. It’s only he’s there and you need him.

It’s been months since you were last kissed.

He gently pushes you against the counter, lifts you so you’re sitting on it while never breaking the kiss, deepening it as you open your mouths.

He tastes like hope and promises and new beginnings.

You wrap your legs around his hips, wanting him closer.

“You’re so goddamn pretty,” he says, trailing kisses down your neck to your throat.

“You’re - oh, fuck,” you groan.

“Yeah?” his voice is teasing, lighter than you’ve heard it since you’ve moved in.

“What do we do now?”

Frankie smiles at you, his smile lighter than you’ve ever seen it. “Well, what do you wanna do?”

“I can think of some things.”

“Oh yeah?” He kisses you again, skims his hands down your arm and moves even closer against you. He’s so warm, so solid against you. “Well, we better get started, huh?”

[berenwrites]

Dreams in the Night - Stranger Things - Steddie, Chapter 5 of 9

Dreams in the Night: But Vampires Aren't an Upside Down Thing!

Summary: Steve has been having nightmares, seeing through the eyes of a vampire like creature in Hawkins as it hunts. He puts the dreams down to past trauma and too many horror movies at Family video. He’s checked and no one’s been hurt, so even Robin agrees. However, his world is about to be turned upside down yet again as the nightmares become far too real.

Tumblr Master Chapter Listing | Also on AO3

For: @lady-lostmind (lady_lostmind on AO3)

Relationships: steddie, platonic stobin

Rating: Explicit

Wordcount: ~18600

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: vampire!Eddie, Kas!Eddie, hurt/comfort, bisexual!Steve, bisexual!Eddie, platonic stobin, steddie

This fic is a part of the @steddieholidayexchange

Chapter 5: Bigger Picture

Steve just wanted to fall into his bed on the nice clean sheets he had just put on it, next to where Eddie was sprawled and already sleeping.

He was exhausted and so thoroughly fucked out his legs kept trembling. Eddie had kept him going for hours, with seemingly endless stamina. At one point Steve was pretty sure he had forgotten words entirely. The only thing he had to be thankful for was Eddie had seemed to be as surprised as he was at how long they had been having sex.

With what little brain power he had recouped since, Steve guessed it had something to do with the blood. Eddie had taken little tastes of him over and over again, blowing his mind each and every time. After the first time Eddie had bitten him, he could never have guessed how good it could feel. It still hurt, but somehow, in a good way that he did not have enough wherewithal to analyse yet.

The only reason he wasn’t already out for the count was he knew there was one thing he needed to do unless he wanted people breaking down his door.

Picking up the phone he dialled Robin’s number.

“Buckley residence,” came the quick answer.

“Hey, Robs,” he greeted, and his voice came out far rougher than he had expected.

“Steve,” Robin responded immediately, “are you okay? You don’t sound good.”

“Long night,” he replied. “Can you cover for me today? I’m sorry, but I really don’t think I can make it through a shift.”

“More nightmares?” Robin asked.

He hummed in response, after all that was how it had started, but he didn’t want to have the full conversation yet. He also didn’t want to lie. Lying to Robin was not something he would ever choose to do.

“You’ll owe me for facing the holiday madness without you,” she said, but he could hear the worry in her tone. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

“Just need to sleep thanks,” he promised. “I’ll give you a call later to fill you in once I can put two thoughts together.”

“You’d better,” she replied. “Now go to bed.”

“Yes, mother,” he responded. “Thank, Robs,” he added, “don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Get fired,” she said without hesitation. “Shoo.”

“Talk later,” he said. “Bye.”

“Bye,” she said. “And stay hydrated,” he heard as he put the phone down.

He was pretty sure he had to have been a saint in another life to deserve someone like Robin in his current one.

~*~

“Hey, Dingus, you better be dying, Keith was an ass … oh my fucking god!”

Steve shot from sleep blinking blankly as he heard Robin’s shriek before his brain came back on. He took in his best friend standing in his bedroom doorway and followed her eyes to where Eddie was sprawled across the bed on his front, taking most of the bed and a good percentage of Steve too. Luckily, he had thought about pulling the sheet over them properly before he fell asleep, but the white cotton didn’t exactly leave much to the imagination.

He extricated himself from Eddie, who was still mostly out of it as Robin fled. Grabbing the pair of sweats he had been wearing the previous evening, he pulled them on as quickly as possible and headed after his best friend.

“Robin, please wait,” he called, chasing after her.

“You … you … you skipped out on a shift to get laid!” she accused rounding on him once she hit the kitchen.

Her anger brought him up short.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“It’s past five in the evening,” she said, frowning and cooling down a little.

“Shit, we’ve been asleep all day” he muttered.

“All day? Did you take something? Are you okay?” Robin asked instantly worried. “Is she alright?”

“Rob,” he said, doing his best to think, “did you see who that was?”

Robin gave him another look.

“A girl with lots of dark curly hair,” Robin said, but her tone was uncertain.

“With tats and scars?” Steve prompted, realising that Robin had clearly not taken in most of what she had seen.

“Tats and scars?” Robin said quietly.

“What’s going on?” a familiar deep voice came from behind him, and Robin’s mouth dropped open.

Steve turned to find Eddie wearing one of his sweatshirts and a pair of his boxers, hair wildly everywhere. He looked mostly still asleep. Steve was quite surprised the sweatshirt was on the right way round.

“Explain, right now,” Robin demanded.

She was clearly torn between delighted to see Eddie standing there whole and alive, and worried that this was some horrible Upside Down trick.

“The dreams weren’t dreams, they were Eddie,” he replied, skimming over all the details. “We’re connected.”

“Bats?” Robin asked.

Steve just nodded because that was his best guess.

“And what, Eddie just turned up here and ended up in bed with you?” was Robin’s next question.

He grimaced at that. She was probably going to kill him.

“He called me,” Eddie said, which was exactly what Steve had not wanted to reveal just yet.

“I had another dream,” he jumped in before Robin could react to that revelation, “and I finally realised I was seeing through Eddie’s eyes and I guessed it was real, but I had to be sure.”

“And you thought it was a good idea to do this all by yourself?” she said, tone completely incredulous.

“I couldn’t tell anyone,” he said, “not until I was sure. Can you imagine what that would have done to Dustin if it was all in my head?”

“And what about me? We tell each other everything, remember?” Robin said, and her accusatory glare had him quailing inside.

And wasn’t that the crux of it.

“You would have tried to stop me,” he said simply, because it was the plain truth.

Robin opened her mouth to ask something several times. Steve just gave her time.

“Why?” she finally asked.

“Because, Buckley,” Eddie entered the conversation again, “what he did was ridiculously dangerous and could have ended up with him very, very dead.”

Steve sagged at Eddie’s tone. It was clear that in the cold light of day, both Eddie and Robin were mad at him, hence he was a little surprised when Eddie stepped into his personal space, leaning on the island next to him.

“Why?” Robin asked again.

“Because like Steve always does, Lady Buckley, he faced off against a wild thing, only this time he didn’t have an axe,” Eddie said, and Steve heard his voice change.

Looking over, he saw Eddie flash a fang at Robin. It said a lot that Robin did not so much as flinch, just stood there staring. Steve saw her eyes flick between Eddie and the various injuries on his neck. He’d run his fingers over them, and he was pretty sure there were no wounds left, but the places where Eddie had bitten him still felt tender. He didn’t know why they hadn’t gone like the ones that must have been on all of Eddie’s other victims, but they were pretty obvious. They looked like hickies.

“You let him bite you,” she accused.

“He did way more than that,” Eddie said, clearly in unhelpful mode.

He had been inside Eddie’s head, kind of still was at a low level. He knew way more about the other man than he could ever have imagined even if none of it was crystal clear, and he understood where the snark was coming from. Eddie was putting his armour up before anyone could see the weakness. Steve wasn’t having that, so he leaned in the extra fraction of an inch to close the remaining gap between them.

Eddie jolted at the contact, turning to look at him. Steve looked back, refusing to back down. No matter what image Eddie was trying to project, Steve could feel the turmoil going on inside his resurrected friend like an echo in the back of his head. He had no idea what Eddie was getting from him, but he did his best to project caring determination. When Eddie finally relaxed in place, he was satisfied and turned back to Robin.

His best friend was giving him one of those looks that meant she was reading him like a book. Sometimes it was useful. Right now, he felt like he was under a microscope.

“Where have you been hiding?” Robin demanded, looking at Eddie.

“Community pool,” Eddie said without preamble. “It’s closed to the public for the season, but they keep the amenities on to stop anything freezing. Stole these clothes from the unclaimed lost and found.”

“Judd Williams is the caretaker there,” Robin said.

Eddie nodded.

“We bumped into each other a couple of times,” he replied. “He doesn’t remember them. As far as he’s concerned, I’m a ghost.”

“I didn’t see you bite Judd,” Steve commented.

“That’s because I never fed from him,” was the quick reply. “It seemed rude.”

Steve didn’t try and analyse that, he was more than aware Eddie’s mind was a strange place.

“Why didn’t you contact any of us?” Robin asked.

“Because I wasn’t thinking like that,” Eddie replied, matching Robin’s pointed tone. “When I crawled out of the Upside Down everything was simple. I had needs, so I dealt with them. Things were getting clearer over time, but emotion still wasn’t high on my list. It’s Steve who gave me that back.”

Steve found Robin’s eyes firmly on him again.

“This is almost as insane as Vecna, you realise this, don’t you?” she said, throwing her hands up.

“Yes,” he replied, because what else was he supposed to say.

“We need more minds on this,” Robin said, putting her hands on her hips in a way Steve was pretty sure she had picked up from him. “I’m calling in reinforcements.”

“Not everyone,” Steve said, before she could step past him to the kitchen phone.

“Everyone is going to need to know, Steven,” she said, and he winced as she used his full name.

Only his parents did that and she knew exactly how much he hated it.

“But not all at once, please,” he all but begged.

He couldn’t cope with his house being invaded yet. He needed time to process it all before he had entitled kids yelling at him from every direction.

“Who then?” she asked, clearly picking up on his desperation.

“Hopper and El,” he said, because they definitely needed El’s input and that meant Hopper’s as well, “and Dustin,” he added after a moment.

“Kid always sees the details,” Eddie seemingly agreed from beside him. “The only Hopper I know is dead,” Eddie added.

“Oh,” Steve said, “no, not dead, kidnapped by Russians and held in a Russian prison. Escaped and came back with the help of Joyce Byers and a guy called Murray you haven’t met. Hopper and Joyce are now living together. El is the girl with superpowers we told you about. She went through hell, got them back and kicked Vecna’s ass.”

“And you’re sure she’s not going to take one look at me and throw me through the nearest wall?” Eddie checked.

“Positive,” Steve replied.

“Not unless you turn out to be an Upside Down trick,” Robin added, giving Eddie the side-eye.

“Not a trick, I swear,” Eddie said, holding his hands up.

“El will know if you are,” Robin said, and moved to pick up the phone.

End of Chapter 5

On to Chapter 6

[22degreehalo]

[Okay so this started as a reblogged addition to this previous post of mine but then it got long enough to stand alone sooooo]

Okay actually to narrow this down a bit, there's something incredibly fascinating about the way that despite Ashley being the driving force behind most of the story, it's almost always Andrew who actually commits the physical act of hurting someone.

Because, yes, despite what I said above, that particular aspect of their dynamic is deeply gendered: 'bad women' are usually the ones who manipulate and connive rather than get their hands dirty directly (with the unintended side effect that we tend to not take it seriously when women DO take physical action, because it just doesn't feel as 'real' or 'bad' as when men do it), while physical aggression is limited to men.

But there's so much more to it. There's the way Andrew feels a need to protect Ashley, which takes from the way he was parentified by his mother into having to take care of her as an authority and guardian rather than just another kid in his own right. The fact that Ashley really did need someone to protect her, because... she was kind of badly lacking in social skills and emotional regulation, to the point of exhibiting sadistic tendencies even from a young age. (Or, I suppose I should say, sadistic tendencies that she never grew out of, due to lacking the normal emotional development that sees young kids develop that kind of conscience?) All of which made her, realistically, pretty darn unpopular!!!

But also... that is a manipulation tactic. It's one of the classic signs of a cult: pressure/coerce a member to engage in some kind of morally reprehensible action, and once that's happened, it becomes far far harder for them to get out. Partially because they've now badly severed any other outside support systems; Renee knew what happened with Nina, and even if she had more hope for Andrew than she ever did Ashley even after that, it clearly framed how she saw those two and their relationship after that point. And, y'know, there's the fact that Andrew is seriously worried that they'll be thrown in jail, which means that he can't tell anyone else what happened, or even let them realise 'how bad' Ashley is, or they might start remembering that missing girl Ashley always used to hang out with...

But also partially because it complicates any internal sense of being a victim of another person's abuse. How can you act like you're some sweet little innocent baby, pushed around by the big old scary abuser, when you yourself have blood on your hands? (Part of why I find it a bit... unsettling? How many people in the TCOAAL fandom sincerely spread that his relenting to Ashley's manipulation makes him 'just as bad'.) It creates an internal sense of guilt and 'need' to be punished, or to be controlled by somebody who can make the 'right decisions'. And it furthers a sense that there's 'no going back' - that there's no point in even trying to escape this relationship, because it's gone too far, and the victim has already given up any hope of having or deserving a life outside of it.

And that's related to something I've had bouncing around in my mind for a lonnnnng time, but still even now don't have the brainspace to fully unpack it. People talk a lot about the inherent trauma of being a woman living under the patriarchy, but I think we don't discuss enough the inherent moral damage of being a man under the same circumstances.

Men are raised to see themselves as aggressive; hostile; killers; predators. They're taught that any sex they get from women is at her expense, a deal that can only be made good by their being Successful Enough to 'earn' it. That success, of course, is zero-sum; men must prove themselves over other men competitively to 'win', whether by earning more money, being more dominant, or (in attemptively progressive spaces) by being 'nicer' or 'better feminists' than other men. Men are expected to sacrifice; to war, to defending the women in their life, to working themselves to the bone under capitalism where women are 'supposed' to rely on men, instead. And that 'protecting' inherently implies violence against other men: men are expected by default to be able to throw themselves into the fray and get beat up and beat up somebody else in turn, and if they can't, they're viewed as lesser; pathetic and selfish. Men aren't given any support system to NOT be capable of inflicting violence. No matter how pacifist or anxious or disabled they are, they are in and of themselves viewed as 'acceptable targets' of violence, due to a perceived inherent ability to enact violence themselves.

Of course Andrew is the one to pull the trigger most of the time. Of course he takes it on as rote, as just his expected part in their messed-up relationship. Of course Ashley gladly lets him, even when she's the one who really wants to see the victim hurting. Of course Ashley encourages him into it, making him part of her decisions, binding him to her in blood over and over again, and of course she then throws it in his face as him 'choosing her', because what can he plausibly say to argue against that? And, then, of course his 'decay' involves turning his violence against both Ashley and himself, because he's too far gone to turn back now and become the monster Ashley was trying to turn him into.

AGAIN, I don't mean this as anti-Ashley; I think this is a super insightful display of both gender and abuser dynamics, and as I've said above, there are a whole heck of a lot of reasons why Ashley is the way she is. Also, fucked up and unjustifiably bad female characters are good sometimes!!

Just. Ashley does, canonically, encourage Andrew to engage in acts that his conscience rails against - actions that fill him with guilt and emotional pain - and then uses all of that to tie him to her ever stronger so he'll never leave. It says a lot that she gets so nervous when Andrew stops acting so guilty in the Burial route; because if she can't throw that moral damage back at him, how is she supposed to make sure he doesn't leave? If he's happy and well-adjusted and believes he deserves a decent life, why would he ever willingly stay with her?! (So she thinks.)(Not that she's entirely wrong, but.) She doesn't trust healthy relationship dynamics; she trusts guilt and trauma bonding.

(And it also means something hella big that Andrew seemingly doesn't get quite so many of those guilt-ridden nightmares as he pretends. Is he trying to pretend to himself he hasn't already slipped so far? Does he crave Ashley's loving reassurance just as much as she wants him to need it? It's like... speaking of intricate rituals, holy hell if this isn't fucking one of them: getting messed up in the head over committing cannibalism and murder, but then continuing to pretend that it's messing you up long after you're sorta getting over it, because that's the safest and easiest way to make your sister happy and nice to you.)

[kisuminight]

As much as I love Rivalsduo, I've said that c!Dream is not going to end up in Resonance with c!Techno in the DSMP Blade System AU. Like, ew!Ranboo absolutely delivered Dream to the Syndicate because he thought that might happen (or at least the Syndicate would keep Dream safe from the Egg), but no.

I promise that Techno's Reasons for this are very good ones.

See, Techno is in Resonance with c!Philza and the Goddess of Death. And it's not really a good idea to introduce unknown elements into that mess. Part of it is because anyone in Resonance with a god or an Aegis Blade gets Creative and that just... so much power. And part of it is that Aegis Blades pull and circulate a lot of aether, and that can actually be damaging to weaker Blades. Like trying to pour a 16fl oz of water into a 8fl oz cup, except in this case the spilled water is metaphorical for major body trauma originating from core crystal/processor damage.

Not that this would be an issue for Dream, who is a fragment of an Aegis. But Phil and Techno have had long lives to learn how to be careful with that kind of thing.

Theoretically, Techno could just hold onto the core crystal for a century or so until things cool down, but that seems... unfair, to Dream. Because Techno didn't know Dream well, but he was a good ally, and the kindness Techno remembered from the life of the Duel was still there, tucked away and hidden though it may have been. Dream is the kind of Blade that loves life, so Techno will do his best to find Dream a good Driver in the new one.

Techno's views on Dream are a bit complicated. Techno knew Dream in a previous life, and was friends with that Dream. Dream, when unAwakened, does tend to pop up in Techno's chat and just chill. Techno fought at Doomsday with this Dream, and thinks of him as a friend. They're not close friends, because Dream disappeared for 6mo after and they didn't get to spend time to deepen the bond, but they are friends.

Which means that Techno needs to take some time of his own to process too. The Dream that Techno fought the Duel with is gone. The Dream that Techno fought Doomsday with is gone. They are dead. The new Dream, when Awakened, is not going to be either of them. Techno did mourn for the first Dream he knew, already, but he hasn't quite finished mourning for the more recent Dream. On an emotional level, if he enters Resonance with Dream, he'd worry that he's projecting some feelings from his past relationship(s) onto the newly Awakened Blade, and that would be very unfair to Dream.

There's also the fact that newly Awakened Blades tend to be fairly obedient to their Drivers for the first year, and Techno doesn't want that. He wants the Dream that will challenge him and be his rival. The power imbalance of himself and Phil being in Resonance with someone who has no emotional foundation in any other relationship is kind of squicky to him. He and Phil are both very old and experienced, and Dream would not be. Even if they encouraged Dream to make friends with other people on the server (which would basically only be the Syndicate, given what Techno's heard about Staged Finale) that's still not enough to counterbalance centuries of weight from the two of them. Techno wants Dream's new life to be happy and healthy, and adding him to their Resonance wouldn't be enough at this stage.

A reminder that Techno does not know about the Memory Patch, or about Dream being a fragment of an Aegis. If he knew, his decision would probably change. Alas, we don't get Doomsday Trio in a Resonance at this point.

Techno also has Reasons for choosing c!Niki as Dream's new Driver.

So Techno and Phil are out. Techno doesn't know who Dream's previous Driver was, but they really dropped the ball if even a quarter of the thing Techno's heard from c!Niki about the (Staged) Finale are correct. Techno wouldn't give him back even if he did know.

c!Ranboo is out too. Dream is just too headstrong for Ranboo at this point. If not for the entire Egg mess, Techno might reach out to Skeppy, who is more in-tune with the local Blade social network. So that leaves Niki.

Despite how I'm listing them, Niki isn't Techno's last choice. She's his first thought, after himself and Phil, and then he rationalizes the other members of the list off it.

Techno likes Niki. She's a good friend, and she helped him feel more settled and comfortable in his skin. She knows that both he an Phil are Blades, has even gotten Techno's status as a Heartstealer out of him. He thinks that Niki is even tempered, for all that her rage is strong when she needs it to be.

And this isn't just sacrificing Niki's feels for Dream. Techno doesn't quite know what Dream's base personality is, but it's not hatred or malice or anything negative. Dream, once Awakened, would not deliberately hurt Niki. Niki loves animals too, loves her pets, and the Dream who's been popping up in Techno's Chat has appeared mostly when Techno is working with his animals. So he's not a danger to Niki's pets, either.

Niki is lonely, too. It helps her, that she's friends with the Syndicate now. But Niki doesn't live in the arctic. Niki lives somewhere else, alone in her underground city, and Techno knows enough about that kind of isolated life to wish Niki had someone else to support her there. A Blade-Driver bond runs two ways; Niki would be good for Dream, but Dream would also be good for Niki.

Also, given how Niki keeps getting dragged into things down in the Mainland, having someone that she can depend on for backup, who can't be barred from going with her (a huge social faux pas to deliberately say a Blade cannot accompany their Driver!) will make Techno feel a lot better about her safety.

Besides, its not a guarantee that Niki will even agree to Awaken Dream, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

So Techno does. He asks if Niki would come over for a serious talk, and explains that he has come into possession of a core crystal. And Techno's not going to lie, he tells her that it is Dream's core crystal. And then asks, no pressure, if she would like to try and Awaken him. Explains his reasoning, when she asks.

And Niki is unsure about it. About Dream, given what she'd known of him. But she'd known c!Wilbur, and he still blew up L'Manberg. And she trusts Techno. And maybe she wants a friend who isn't as tangled up in the memories of the server as everyone else in the Syndicate. So Niki says yes.

~

All this aside, I feel like, far in the future, Dream is going to end up in Resonance with Techno and Phil. It's just right now it's not feasible because Techno is worried about hurting Dream and also worried about Niki being hurt and is willing to let them help each other.

And this way he can ask Niki to come up every so often to "check on how the Resonance is going" so he can also check on both Niki and Dream and maybe tease Dream into laughing or starting a spar.

[generic-whumperz]

Not much has been revealed yet about The Aid's backstory, but you mentioned in your intro that he chose to sell himself into domestic slavery due to a family tragedy, which is deliciously intriguing. Can you tell us anything else non-spoilery about his background and his life before? Bonus: Does he have a name? Did he have one?

Omg, thank you so much for the ask and interest in this little story of mine! 🥹

I’m so glad you found that bit about an undisclosed family tragedy deliciously intriguing, that’s exactly what I was going for!

Yes I can elaborate ! So I don’t know how much of his previous life he remembers yet or how much I will explore his past since he basically has trauma brain and had blocked a lot of his past out. That, and well, his “before life” was basically when he was just a kid and teen. But before all the drama and misfortunes, he came from a really good solid family, with married parents, an older sister, and a younger brother. He had a good childhood and was a very happy, well-taken care of kid.

(More background about his life before below)

School: He was a straight-A student, had a solid friend group and was a nerd. He never had to try really hard, things came to him naturally and he was one of those infuriating people that never had to study for a test and just had a knack for remembering information. He was also a theater nerd and loved working on props and setting the scene. He also strikes me as someone that was in some school clubs and helped put together fundraisers for underfunded school programs. He was in sports and did track & field, basically he’s like a “cool nerd” type because he kinda rubbed shoulders with everyone.

Social life: I don’t know much about D&D, but he gives me the feeling that he was his friend group’s DM and hosted all the games at his house or did thematically coordinated outdoor sessions (he may have even LARP’ed too close to the sun 👀 was that a thinly veiled hint that partially led to the tragedy he blamed himself for?)

His nerdiness does spill over in his adult life in the form of his love for board games that he likes to play with Madame Sullivan, or his interest in trivia games or trivia game shows.

He’s a very neat and tidy person and loved to put up seasonal decorations and set the ambiance in Madame Sullivan’s home. He loved to play host when Madame Sullivan had over guests and he was known for his hors d’oeuvres and deserts. He’s used to be being well-liked and appreciated, it also doubles as his character flaw since he’s constantly seeking approval from those around him and thrives off of external validation.

I would consider him more of an introvert than an extrovert, but he is very extroverted and enjoys company. But he also doesn’t have a problem with being alone since he always finds away to make himself “busy”- in whatever way that may be.

Career: He chose his slavery position based on his natural talents and his already chosen career field which was going to be something in medical/ nursing or social services/ non-profit outreach. He knew he wanted to help people, so that’s why he chose the Domestic In-Home Care Aid position. He isn’t big and tough nor does he have a desire for romantic intimacy or serving as a personal companion for to someone who would probably want more than he would be will to give, so he felt that he really only had one option anyway.

Character traits in the story: So obviously he had a very nice and fluffy life and even got lucky with his first posting and developed a familial relationship with his master. Bad things aren’t supposed to happen to people like him- only they do.

We have a good sense of who he used to be, but he starts to loose himself even before he sells himself, but he is desperately holding on to his former self while in service under Madame Sullivan. Which I would like to point out is the child-version of himself. His young adult years are obviously very strange, but in a way he gets to prolong his youth because he’s living with a maternal figure and doesn’t have to deal with any really adult-life things. He’s kinda infantilized himself in a way (he later realizes this and sees how problematic he was, but also he was dealing with trauma and was young so we can’t hold it against him) which stunted his own personal growth, but he also uses this as a method of self-sabotage because he doesn’t think he deserves to live a free, happy life.

This story is about a lot of things, but his character journey is at the heart of it. He has to grow up, face and make peace with his past, heal his inner child, confront his current tormenter, survive and recover, (and escape?!) and decide who he is- not what he is to other people. I guess in a way, it’s a fucked up coming of age story and maybe even a cautionary tale. And with undertones of commentary on the patriarchy and failed capitalist society that turns humans into commodities, of course.

Name: Yes he has a name! Ironically I kinda tease at the idea of him having a name or not in the next part (that I still haven’t finished and posted💀), but I think it will be awhile before we learn his real name. Wyatt just calls him “Mutt” or “Aid,” or whatever rude/derogatory term he can think of on the spot.

[brandwhorestarscream]

A question that came to me just now (but you don't need to answer it right away)

Considering what has been established about TFE Jettwins, how did Megatron realize how wrong his more intimate "relationship" with Star was?Consistently, the others don't know and they (especially Dot) wouldn't allow him near the younger Terrans/Maltos if they knew.

I don't know when exactly he got an eye opener, but I'm assuming it was after stepping down as the leader of the decepticons. It's not like it was something that just happened over night, people don't usually reach that point of violation and abuse with no precursor or build up. At one point I do think he and Starscream were, at the very least, mutually attracted to each other and intimate to blow off steam, if nothing else. It's definitely more insidious if it started off as a genuine romantic relationship and twisted til it was unrecognizable over time, but that's not the point right now

As we've seen in canon, he still has incredibly violent tendencies toward Starscream. He didn't try to speak to him or offer him gentle punishment as we've seen him do with previous decepticons--he immediately assumed the very worst, and fell back on old habits alarmingly quickly. He had no problem beating the shit out of Starscream back then and that clearly hasn't changed. He's extremely comfortable putting his hands on him, but it wasn't always that way. Someone doesn't rise to power being violent and cruel: they rise to power, in his case, by putting charisma and good will behind a genuinely good cause. It started sweet but turned sour over time, and by the time it got really bad Starscream was no longer able to walk away.

I think Megatron's treatment of him slowly got increasingly worse, from a combination of extreme stress from the war, internalized hate, and a desire to always be 100% in control due to past trauma. Mix it all together with another very extreme personality and you get a noxious concoction that's streamlined for disaster. Starscream was the perfect target: someone always close by, and even better, someone he had a reason to brutalize. Attempted assassination, even just once, would get a lot of people killed. I firmly believe Megatron would kill anyone else that tried half the shit Starscream did. No one in the decepticons were willing to stick their necks out and disagree with his methods of punishment. It was considered a mercy to let Starscream live at all

On the more sexual side, he was already used to Starscream's body and, at some level, felt entitled to it. It's nasty and horrible and he was so deep into the role as the merciless and cruel decepticon overlord it became frighteningly permissible in his mind. It's a lot more common, a lot easier than you might think, to get so deep in your own head when you're under such extreme stress for so long to crack and start considering things you never would before, excessive violence, lethal force, even such heinous assault. It's a hideous and wicked thing, a pervasive flaw of the psyche. Only after being entirely removed from that role and managing to scrub himself of the conditioning was he able to look back and realize he definitely went too far.

And yet, he was so quick to fall back on old habits. It was on sight when he saw Starscream. He would've gone much further and snagged him even worse if Hashtag hadn't thrown herself between them. I think that's what finally, truly got through to him on the deepest level: to have a child who previously only looked at him in adoration to look up at him with only disgust and fear. He's seen that same expression before, on Starscream, but now on someone who may as well be his granddaughter. It's jarring, and really, really makes him think. That's how he realized just how wrong he was with Starscream, to answer your question: that pivotal moment with Hashtag.

[saebeau]

Hey guys. I'm back!

(Please, if you find any errors in the writing, I'm sorry, English is not my first language, I'm still learning and I'm definitely not going to go through Google Tanslate because GT is shit that I don't trust.)

So, we come to the end. I am so saaaaad. Well, my last post about Perfect Marriage Revenge got a lot of likes and reposts, so first off, thank you very much, I'm really surprised it was somewhat popular!

Then, as expected, some people asked me to do another post with more backstory and canon facts from the novel and webtoon.

So here I am. This will be long, be ready.

To differentiate from the previous one, in this post I will add the backstory, trivia and facts of all the main leads like some of the ones highlighted in some eps. Of course, i am also giving my very personal opinions.

!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

1 - Yi Joo.

• She was adopted by Mr. Han FIRST WIFE. Yes, before marrying Jung Hye he had an official wife chosen by his family. Somehow this lady found out about Yi Joo and brought her home and this lady treats her well. Mrs. Han also knew about Mr. Han's affair with Jung Hye.

• Yi Joo for almost 15 years believed that Mrs. Han was the one who poisoned her with the macaron, but still grieved her death. The reason: she had memory loss! And in the “broken” glimpses she had she saw the “mother’s” figure appearing above that of Jung Hye who was in her house at that moment.

• She was a very lonely person throughout her life (+ in Yoo Ra's post), so her personality diverges from the drama. Novel|Webtoon she has a more serious, direct and insightful approach to people, she is kind and generous (much more confident!), but not as “naive” as in the drama. I can tell she is antisocial. She also didn't like being touched. Growing up, Yi Joo knew Jung Hye and Yoo Ra's true side very well and stayed away as much as possible (her marriage was a pass for that), she tried to at least stay close to her father, but he's an idiot, So, yes, no.

• Regarding her death, explaining the accident itself went like this: Yi Joo was hit by Do Guk's car, and Do Guk's car was hit by none other than Secretary Kim Jae Won's car right on the driver's side! YES! All of them at the same time, like, what the fuck!?

• EXTRA • I already explained a little about her relationship with Se Hyeok so just to be sure: Yi Joo wanted a family, a real family and Se Hyeok was chosen, obviously (he was her closest friend and now her husband) she I trusted and cared for him (apparently, him too), so it was perfect. But Yi Joo just wasn't ready to have any involvement like that (with anyone), she had a lot of trauma to deal with before starting any plan, she didn't have any feelings for him, never had, never expected but a couple hopes to have a child one day, so Yi Joo was taking her time, even with her mother-in-law being shitty. (+ in the Se Hyeok Family post.)

2 - Do Guk.

• In the novel | webtoon he is much more playful and funny. He is also good at seducing (Exclusive Yi Joo), even though he has “castrated” and “monk” as his nicknames. The women in his office are always trying to get his attention because he is super kind but still very difficult to approach. Do Guks is absolutely a pleaser for Yi Joo, he compliments and hype her up any time, anywhere, making Yi Joo very flustered.

• He is very traumatized by the accident with his brother Jung Wook, it was more detailed in the novel/webtoon; the two obviously had a fight, Jung Wook hurt his leg on the edge of the ship and fell but Do Guk also fell and almost died too! But his father, (that idiot) cared more about the boy who no longer had his mother instead of just taking care of both of them equally, so this only made Jung Wook more confident with his lame excuses and Do Guk more distant from his family , especially his father, since almost everyone thought he pushed Jung Wook, leaving him permanently disabled.

• Do Guk has a closer relationship with his sister than the drama lets on. She is always supporting him and giving him encouragement whenever he needs it. They're always joking or fighting with each other and at the same time they can have really deep conversations, like, super brother energy. After he marries Yi Joo, it seems they become even closer.

• I love how much he is like his mother in many ways: they are both very honest, understanding, never judge and fully embrace a person in need. He also has her smart and cunning side! He loves his family, that's clear, but he just can't stand the fact that no one believed in him and that's a thorn in his heart. Tru, in the middle of the novel, he starts to have more contact with his parents because of Yi Joo's family mess, they get closer and develop a better relationship after putting their cards on the table, especially because Jung Wook is with more and more reckless and Mr. Seo is "getting it" now.

• EXTRA • Many of you are curious to know how Do Guk met Yi Joo before the accident and was already in love at the time. Well, in the Novel, he was at a business party when he went out to the balcony to get some fresh air, and there was Yi Joo, in a beautiful white dress crying silently to herself. Yup, love at first sight. Very Do Guk thing.

3 - Yi Joo | Do Guk as a couple.

• Much of their relationship is portrayed very well in the drama. But I'm still sad because they took a lot out of the final script. They have many scenes, including some "steamy" ones that would make your screens shake!

• We absolutely know that they did the “deed” a lot. With Yi Joo initiating some of them on the novel. Speaking of intimacy, I understand that some of you were not satisfied with the reasons that led you to the first time, but personally, I like the meaning it has; Neither Yi Joo nor Do Guk knew how to fully express their feelings that time. It was too much for both of them. But one thing they knew is that Do Guk loves her and she is heartbroken and they wanted to make that clear, ease their feelings and comfort each other. In the Webtoon/Novel it is more romantic, more fluid and happened at the moment of realization and acceptance of Yi Joo's feelings for Do Guk.

• Do Guk and Yi Joo have great harmony, they embrace each other's desires, feelings and flaws so much that it makes every person around them "see" how much they love each other. This becomes clearer if you read the novel. Through their plans, they are very reassuring, supportive and loving at the same time as they carry many hesitations and fears for each other's lives, even more so after discovering that they both went back in time and she became pregnant.

• EXTRA • Do Guk proposes to Yi Joo again after they slept together and confess their feelings for each other some time later. He takes her to an amusement park, even though her fear increases a little. In the afternoon, when they are leaving, he stops her and confesses again and offers her a new ring and asks for her hand again. This represents their true beginning, now together. +EXTRA • THEY HAVE TWIN SONS AND A DAUGHTER. ♡♡♡

4 – Jung Hye (stepmother)

• She's a bitch. She is greedy, nasty and a liar. To be honest, there isn't much to say about her. Do you see the drama? She's almost the same. Starting with the comparisons, in the Webtoon / Novel she is not as elegant, to say the opposite, she is much more theatrical, she has a very expressive face but easily loses her composure when her mask is being ripped off.

• On Webtoon | In the novel (drama too) Jung Hye makes her presence felt by being a calculating person, she is manipulative and is very good at leading people the way she wants. One of the differences in the drama is that Jung Hye always knew that Yi Joo was the biological daughter, but never thought that Yi Joo would find out, especially after years of torture and psychological abuse, repeatedly remembering the fact that she is a stranger and no one would never be by her side. Mr. Han's constant alienation to his daughter's situation was all Jung Hye needed.

• All her life she lied and stole from men for her own gains and destroyed their lives. I don't believe Jung Hye has that backstory, she's just sadistic and selfish. I also don't believe they will put Jung Hye's past cruelties on screen, and I believe, she has done some bad things. One of them is related to Secretary Kim, so be prepared for that. (+ at secretary Kim Post)

• EXTRA • I could feign some merit for her character if she had any, but she's the villain; that's what she was made for, being evil and cruel in particular, she herself has no reasonable "reason" for being that way. She might have had a difficult childhood, neglectful parents or abuse and things like that, but none of that "explains" the things she did to Yi Joo.

5 - Yoo Ra

• So, this bish right here. How can i explain this pathetic spoiled nasty girl?! Yoo Ra is selfish and jealous, we know that many of it was lead after many years of her mother manupulation, (you can see on the last episodes) that's f*cked up and sad at the same time. She's being raised by the evil itself and this evil is her mother, the only person caring for her. It is hard to explain. Yoo Ra's personality was constructed to be best by any meaning, with the same finality, being better than Yi Joo and overtrow her.

• In the Webtoon | Novel she is way more cinic, her feigh innocence give me chills too. She's always wants to shine brighter, to have the best and take things that she thinks it belongs to her by any way, and this is a great reflection from her mother. She's always trying to make people pity her, thinking she's a angel (in special her dad) so people around are always focusing on the "most apparent" reason (she plays a lot with her words), her jealous and envious adoptive sister. She brings hell to Yi Joo. Oh, the way she plays the victim all the time, god, my nerves.

• In middle school, highschool and college too, Yoo Ra always carefully made people go against Yi Joo, making ger suffer a lot with bullying from Yoo Ra's friends. One in special is in the drama, the employee that gave food to Do Guk! That girl was a very close friend to Yoo Ra in high school, the girl didn't know but she was basically doing the dirty job for Yoo Ra: sending people to vandalize and destroy Yi Joo table and books, shoving and tripping her around the hallways, isolating, insulting and even putting threatning mensagens in Yi Joo's locker.

• Too bad for her that Yi Joo still met Soo Jin, Do Guks cousin that suffered bullying too (Yoo Ra didn't know that she belonged to the Seo family) because that helped a lot on the future when Soo Jin told her family about her being bullied because Yoo Ra was in the middle of it, so it's a important part in the novel.

• So about her ending, she deserved everything. Se Hyeok and his sister were nothing to her, just a pawn to hurt Yi Joo. But Yoo Ra was still carrying his child and Se Hyeok's family had to accept her because everybody knew the baby was his and if they didn't do it their "reputation" would be ruined. So basically Yi Joo life was now hers, but worse; she almost send her sister in law to jail, tarnished her mother in law image and broke Se Hyeok heart in the worst way possible add the fact the she basicaly ruined them financially. In the Webtoon | Novel, they had to sold the house and all luxury things to live. Yoo Ra was a mother at home, cleaning, cooking, washing and suffering with both mother and sister constant resentment and anger and Se Hyeok negligence.

• EXTRA • Her final scene is were she meet her mother at jail, she's says that she won't be visiting anymore and carry on with her life, she's sounds somewhat regretful and depressive for everything, but, at the same time, frustrated and angry with her situation and with her mother. But in the drama, GURL! Freezing shoulder, insults, bad atittude. DANG WOMAN! (*Insane clapping*)

6 - Mr. Han.

• Ugly ass, hate him, like, go to hell. Like literally, couldn't he hold thay d*ck on his pants a little bit?! For this i'm gonna make it short. I could keep talkind about his severe neglicence with Yi Joo, angry bursts and really evil words towards but this would just stress me out. As i said, i hate him, f*ck him.

• He met Yi Joo's mother when he was really young, but little time later abandoned her not knowing she was pregnant to marry his first wife. He started his affair with Jung Hye little time later, who was pretending to he his wife's friend. He tried to reach out with Yi Joo's mother but only knew about the fire and the deaths so he left this memory behind. He wasn't a good son too, never even remembering he had a sick dad. Aparently this family blood makes men turn into idiots.

• I don't really know how easily he was manipulated by Jung Hye, but his end was just deserving by how shitty of a person he was most of his life. Jung Hye poisoned him with a lot of pills for years, making him sick all the time, one day he tries to go down the stair, but fall, having a fracture and losing his legs movements, biding him to a weelchair. As fragile as he was, Yi Joo still drops the bomb the she is his daughter, that Jung Hye knew and now she was taking the family business. He keeps in denial for a long time until he sees his wife true face.

• He ends up alone, passing his years constantly helping Yoo Ra with money, still pitting on her, and being treated as nothing because he has nothing to offer anymore.

• EXTRA • About his ending on the drama, and the talk with Yi Joo's mother, i still hate it, he deserved worse. He's even in "good terms" with Yi Joo too! He was pathetic and coward. It was a considerably neutral ending for him, i can live with that but won't ever accept it.

7 - Seo Family

• Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it. (thank u icon Lady Gaga)

• Despite his dad being a bit stupid, this family is what i truly desire in in-laws. They're suportive, kind, empathetic and the best of the best. In the Novel | Webtoon, there all more playfull, Mrs. Cha is who i love the most, she recognize Yi Joo the first time they meet but hides it. Mr. Han takes more time but tru the novel he just becames kinder and kinder.

• Do-Na and Jae Ho are super cute, they have a lot of scenes together in the Novel | Webtoon. They're lovely, Jae Ho being Do Guks best friend and brother in-law is such a mood. I would absolutely love a spin-off about their story. We love a good spin-off.

• Soo-Jin got a man too! We love a great best friend having a happy end. Love this girl.

• EXTRA • They go crazy when Yi Joo gets pregnant. Shes makes a anouncement to the family and they flip off after seeing the ultrasound showing the twins. It is so worthing seeing on the webtoon.

8 - Jae Wook

• He is way more evil. Egoist. Liar. Thief. Loves to do psycological terror on his family. Literally pretending to be disabled for almost two decades like, THE HELL?! For him i'm going to list his crimes.

• Theft. Embellzement. Murder. Atempt of murder. Many atempts to kill Do Guk + poisoned Yi Joo on a restorant while trying to corner her and puts her on a hospital bed. Paid someone to PUSH YI JOO OUT OF BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA just to make Do Guk more traumatized because the poor guy jumped to save her. This is mind blowing. Both in the drama and Novel | Webtoon the bomb in the car is there and its TENSE!

• Look, this guy has absolutely abandoment issues but if he wanted to kill somebody, this person is his dad not his brother. Like, all his life he believed that was his dad that kicked his mother to the curb and separated her from him, so he planned and planned just to end up in jail, where his discover that his mother was the one who abandoned him by her own will to be with another man. THE CLOWN!

• EXTRA • His initial plan was to seduce Yi Joo. *trow up*.

9 - Se Hyeok.

• Fake b*tch. LOSER! I already explained everything about him on the other post. I won't waste time with this idiot. He never truly apologized to Yi Joo, i don't think he regreted much of it too. He passed the rest of his life with Yoo Ra, between hate and love, and with his bloodsucker family.

• F*ck him. Their last scene on the drama was perfect.

•Byyye.

• EXTRA • The way he got back with Yoo Ra was WAS AMAZING! I adore that they kept the original (almost) scene of him presenting his future fiance & family (a very rich one by the way) to to Jae Sook and Se-Hee and BANG! Yoo Ra's at the door claiming that she's going to live with them (she's got nowhere else to go) because she was with his child. LIKE?! In the novel, the hell breaks and she almost get physical with his mother, sister and fiance! The end.

10 - Se Hyeok's Family.

• His mother (Jae Sook) and sister (Se-Hee) were both greedy and mean people, always pressuring Yi Joo with money and luxury things. Yi Joo basically sustained the house were she was treated as maid but it was never enough for them (with Se Hyeok giving his back for the situation they were always bold).

• They made Yi Joo cook, clean and taking care both of the house and her own job without a moment of peace. Jae Sook was the worst one, she wanted a grandchild at any way just to have more rights about Yi Joo's heiritance, torturing poor Yi Joo about it and even making medical apointments to see why she wasn't still pregnant, not knowing that Yi Joo never even kissed Se Hyeok in her life.

• Se-Hee was the usual spoiled brat that never takes a "no" for a answer, ya'll see in the drama how bad she treats even her own brother. I think it was a great lesson for her almost going to jail about her posts on the internet about Yi Joo, she almost got crazy and i loved every second of it. In the Webtoon, she looks way more paranoic after discovering what time of person Yoo Ra was.

• EXTRA • KARMA GOT Y'ALL! XOXO!

11 - Secretary Kim Jae Won

• In the novel, he was adopted by his dad and was very loved. Some time later Mr. Kim met Jung Hye, married and aparently had a happy life (i don't know if Yoo Ra was already on the page that time). Then gradually his dad got sick and sick, getting worse to find his end binded in a bed and, even as a small kid, Jae Won suspected of his "mother".  (I think she used some "pills" again?)

• His dad was a famous painter and had a great fortune so we can get why Jung Hye "popped out" since she was already on the market of falsifications.

• His dad died when he was pre-teens, Jung Hye got a way to have all the money and soon pushed him to the fartest orphanage. He held grudges all his life because he had this feeling that Jung Hye did all. Well, he came with a very brilliant revenge i dare say.

• EXTRA • He was way more charming on the Novel | Webtoon and had more personality (i don't know why they just made him almost a "blank paper", such a turn off). He was more active too in the plans.

12 - Jamie / Yi Joo's bio mother

• So, this woman suffered, i surelly could describe her suffering but i think y'all saw the drama, but the Webtoon | Novel made me tearful, truly. Mr. Han was bullshit. Her dad was bullshit. The Jung Hye comes and there's more sociopath bullshit to put fire on her house with a baby inside. Like, this woman did everything to survive alone after Mr. Han left her to get married to a rich family and still had to get almost killed by one of his lovers.

• As you know she discovered it all, and of course, revenge. I pity her because when Yi Joo found out about her it wasn't that calm as in the drama, Yi Joo even denies her existence. I can understand Yi Joo side because tecnically her mom watched her being abused, it was a misuderstanding, but she felt abandoned again and wasn't open to receive this affection now.

• A thing that i missed was her encounter with Jung Hye and THAT SCENE OHMYGOD WHYDIDTHEYLEFTITOUT!!!. You all remember that Jung Hye needed the votes to be the president, right?! So she called to the unknow 5% shareholder to meet AND WHO'S THERE?! Yes, the mama. Jung Hye don't recognize at first but Jamie just spilled the tea to her and she's f*cked. OH Jung Hye face was ahhhh?!!! I love the Webtoon.

• EXTRA • The webtoon it's on the final chapters but Yi Joo and Jamie reconcilied and doing well, of course, WITHOUT MR. HAN on their lives because that's what he deserves!

•••• SO MY FINAL THOUGHTS ARE...••••

I LOVE THE ENDING, THE FAMILY, THE BABY, GIRL, THE PAINTING, SE HYEOK AND YOO RA HATING EACH OTHER, JUNG HYE ON JAIL! That's everything i wanted, like, they left things that i loved out but still maintened the main plot and did really well. I would like to thank all the actors and actresses that put all their effort in this drama and made it perfect.

PERFECT MARRIAGE REVENGE  <3 <3 <3 <3.

Thank you all the came here. Have a great night. Byyyeee.

[terrainofheartfelt]

What are your insights on Georgina's relationships with Serena and Dan?

ooooh interesting and frighteningly open-ended!

it's interesting because Georgina is such a different personality from them, yeah? And I think that's the crux of the draw for her: Serena and Dan both have this compulsion to always believe and hope for the best in people, even Georgina. Like, there's a reason she and Serena became friends in the first place, right? There's a wholesomeness to the both of them that Georgina finds compelling, and I think it's both because she knows she can corrupt it, but never so much that they'll shut her out forever.

and for Serena's and Dan's sides of it...we don't really see all of what Serena and Georgina did together, but we can guess, and I think for her she was almost - set free from the idea that she didn't have to be Good with Georgie, they could be silly and self-destructive and Serena could sort of...surrender to the pain she couldn't name, but it never would be as bad or as dark as whatever Georgina was carrying. Blair is the friend who's always trying to pull her up, to keep her grades good and her mom from finding out her indiscretions but Georgina didn't ask perfection of her, and for the broken teenage girl that Serena was before the show, that had to be kind of liberating.

For Dan its similar, I think, but a little less fraught, up until Milo I suppose. With Georgina he doesn't have to be the good student or the good brother or the good son or the good boyfriend, and he can sort of....surrender to his bitchy side? Because he is a Bitch (I love him so much), which is something he has in common with Georgina, they're equals in a way for that. and in s3 Georgina is the person that he can make bad decisions with and have uncomplicated kinky fun. the sub!dan agenda begins with georgina after all. Until it becomes complicated, because he hadn't bargained for Georgina's possessive/jealous streak.

and Serena and Dan both fall out with her because Georgina crosses a line that is so egregious and nearly breaks both of them. for Serena it's the Pete trauma, and for Dan, it's Milo. but what interesting is this: Serena cuts Georgie out and means it, wants nothing to do with her and takes pains to keep her out of her life when she comes back to nyc. And after s1, she keeps on keeping her distance, Georgina and Serena never interact in any meaningful capacity after that, and they never initiate contact, it's always Blair or Chuck or Dan that brings Georgina back around for whatever reason.

But after Milo, arguably the biggest heartbreak of Dan's life, he still interfaces with Georgina directly in s5 and, of course, has a close personal relationship with her in s6. Serena, the always gracious, always forgiving Serena couldn't open the door to Georgina again. but Dan could. Dan does. and I think it mostly has to do with the spot he's put in in s5, being so grievously betrayed by Blair and Serena (at the same time!), and effectively abandoned by everyone else in his support system (Alison, Jen, Vanessa, Rufus, Nate). Georgina has already done the worst thing she could ever do to him (take his child away from him), so in his hurt, he goes with the devil he knows, and steers into the skid, leaning into the aspects of his personality that being with Georgina brings out in him, without a check this time.

going through my meta tag for that previous ask, I found a post from Ivy that says it plays into "Dan's need to belong to someone" he needs to belong to someone, and if it's Georgina, then so be it. there's something to her possessiveness of him that - in spite of himself - he cannot walk away from. And in that sense, Serena shows more strength of character than he does, because it's a marker of her personality too, wanting to belong to someone, always trying to make a home in someone else. unlike Dan, Serena knew that the person she was with Georgina is a person she never wanted to go back to. and she decided that her sense of self wasn't worth sacrificing for a home (a lesson she learned from being with dan! he looks at me like I want to believe in myself and all that).

[ursafootprints]

Hi! I wanted to let you know how much I love your story you're not yet done.

I'm curious to know which is your favorite moment/scene in it so far?

Have a good day/nigh!

Hello nonnie! Awww thank you so much, I really appreciate it 💖

Favorite scenes are always SO hard for me to pick because I can never narrow it down to just one! (Which, I don't know, perhaps that's a little vain to say about your own work, but if I didn't love what I was writing I wouldn't be writing it, y'know?) Especially for a work as long as YNYD.

So! In the grand tradition of Ursa Talking Too Much, I thought maybe an interesting way to answer this question could be to talk about which scenes were lynchpin scenes in my initial outline as I was figuring out if I actually wanted to write the fic/commit to the project or not! Because they are all favorite scenes, in addition to being the key scenes that I built the entire rest of the plot around.

Spoilers up to chapter 10 (so nothing past what's currently been posted on AO3) under the read-more:

the entire first chapter, obviously; I didn't outline this because it was already fully-formed in my head-- unlike most of my chapters there were very few details in here that weren't already a part of the initial idea! (art of this scene by @shivanessa 💖; NFF)

the lab scene after Peter's birthday in chapter 5! (gifset of this scene by @filthy-kaoss 💖) I didn't have it fully fleshed-out in the initial outline, but I knew I wanted Peter to bring up Tony not calling him "kid" anymore, and that I wanted Peter to actually get upset with Tony's forced distance between them, confront him about it, and ultimately end up revealing that he was attracted to Tony/wanted to sleep with him again as a redo, and Tony acquiescing just enough to give him a second "first kiss." I looove this scene because of the fluctuations in mood, the way it builds/alters Tony and Peter's perceptions of both each other and how they're processing their individual traumas, it being the first major step in the boys having some Actual Communication, and because I love angry Pete haha.

both of the post-nightmare scenes from chapter 6, but particularly the second one where Peter actually ends up comforting Tony because Tony finally verbalizes some of the specifics of his guilt and how it's been keeping him from communicating with Peter. Both scenes are important for building further communication and building further physical intimacy between the two of them, particularly with these scenes being the kick-offs for the veeeery bad habit of bed-sharing that they get into. I love communication and I love cuddling and I love Peter just aggressively refusing to let Tony be mean to himself, and how Peter taking on the comforting role here is the start of them shifting into a more equal relationship in Tony's mind (it started in the previous chapter for Peter,) because it kicks them out of the Tony-as-a-provider/Peter-as-a-recipient dynamic.

Peter and Tony's argument in the gym/its spillover into Tony's suite in chapter 7! (art of this scene by @shivanessa 💖) Sooo many things I love about this scene, ugh. Tony's trauma response being to revert into being kind of a paternalistic dick and trying to pull rank on Peter as an Adult Authority Figure, Peter's utter refusal to accept that/to allow Tony to define their relationship that way, Peter getting to process for himself and confront Tony with the fact that he doesn't regret what happened, Tony giving in and dropping his cold/defensive act when Peter throws his words back at him ("you said you trusted me"/"it's always 'whatever you need' until what I need is for you to be safe"), the intimacy of ~genuine apologies~, and as always, 💖 angry Peter 💖

the end of chapter 8 in Tony's bedroom where Tony goes for a kiss on auto-pilot and Peter completes it for him after he freezes. I loved just getting to hammer home what a state of domestic intimacy the boys had fallen into, to the point that Tony legitimately forgot himself and pulled some full-on Married Nonsense, and it seemed like the best way to push them into actually confronting the situation for what it was-- Peter got the explicit confirmation that Tony had Kissing Feelings for him, and it was blatant enough that Tony couldn't twist it, run away from it or deny it to himself. I also loved the like… mix of tenderness and hopeless finality in Peter asking for Tony to hold him, just for that night, since he didn't know what would happen in the morning when they finally talked about it, aaa!

and, the opening on chapter 9 where they f i n a l l y lay it all out on the table, and Tony is ultimately brave enough to admit that he does want a relationship and he's willing to take on the challenges to make it happen. I've mentioned this before, but getting to this scene in my outline was THE thing that convinced me I had a full-fledged idea on my hands and that I did want to start writing the fic, and just the outline for this scene was 1.5k words! It is definitely My Baby in that sense, and to actually answer your question, if I haaaaaaad to narrow things down further, it'd probably be a tie between this scene and the gym argument for absolute favorite.

…Aaand there were two more lynchpin scenes in my outline but we haven't gotten there yet 😘 There were of course other things that I knew I wanted to capture over the course of the fic-- Peter and Tony's respective trauma reactions, how their differences there bumped up against each other to create some miscommunications/sore spots, the way their mutual trauma affects the development of their sex life, etc. etc., but I didn't have those things plotted as specific scenes vs just concepts I knew I wanted to integrate over the course of the work.

That was waaaaaaaaaay more than you asked for but I hope it was at least interesting! Thank you so much for your support and for giving me an excuse to natter on 💖