#but honestly im just gonna unfollow (+block) and avoid

[cosmicsnufkin]

for the record if you ever see me reblogging from a zionist or terf or anyone spewing anything racist or antisemitic or ableist, please just let me know i'm tired of finding out half a year too late

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

We have a big problem with this one online friend group where we feel super unwelcome

We don't know how to bring it up, but honestly I just want to leave and move on. They ignore my messages in our small server more than they reply and if we're in a vc, they always leave if im the only other person in there, but the stay talking with other people. I dont get it because they actively invited me into it and got me to make a twt to talk with us there bc they said we were funny. One sent us a new mouse and headphones so they'd hear me better in vc. I dont get it. They seem to find me annoying. Might just be our rsd and them being nd themselves, but man I get so fucking triggered and want to leave them behind. Im a protector alter, but my go to protective strategy is unfollow/mute/unfriend/leave gc/server or even block them, which is avoidance and not productive

Which is why I am trying not to do this. I think I need to bring it up with them. I've had the server muted for months now. But im so scared to confront them because of our extreme feelings from rejection and confrontation. Im scared they'd say we are oversharing and confirm over suspicions that they don't really like us and just kinda tolerate us. Im scared that they'd think we are manipulating and overreacting. Like we are an unstable, explosive friend and they are tired of us venting or ranting

We dont know how to bring this up. We are very unstable rn and I dont want to trigger a breakdown, flashback sh and/or sui attempt

Dissociating now, so gonna cut it here. But man, we are so shit at relationships and they always make us want to die

[silverjirachi]

maybe controversial opinion but i saw another post that mentioned it, but it wasn’t the main focus of the post and i think it deserves its own mention-

sometimes you do need to handle your triggers on your own, and it is never the burden or responsibility of any other person on this earth to tag things for you.

im gonna elaborate- in spaces like ao3, where the whole functionality of the website relies on a tag system.. yes, tag content. tag triggering content especially. if someone fails to do those things, you can block them, unfollow them etc. you personally can and should be taking steps to curate your online experience.

however-

with the amount of people i just see throwing a laundry list of triggers on their carrd or bio and asking any mutual to remember to tag them, i feel as if the general attitude is shifting to take the emphasis away from healing and self-improvement.

i went through a good half of my college experience with “weird triggers” that would send me into panic attacks. i could not walk around asking every person on earth to tag “art history” or a whole building on campus. (yes, one of my triggers was the presence of an entire fucking building and i avoided that whole area of campus). i could not ask people to just not talk about ~buildingname~ hall or ~artmakingclass~ because it was a real place that people were yknow having class in every day.

when you have triggers, sometimes you will be triggered. it is impossible and actually very unhealthy to block out every single instance of that triggering thing known to man. that is why finding strategies to cope is important, that is why self care is important, that is why getting help and finding a support system is important.

if you constantly expect others to avoid certain topics around you, or be perfect in remembering your triggers, you are only doing damage to yourself. i was at my worst mental healthwise when my main focus was on avoidance, and while it IS important to reduce exposure for a time and keep yourself from deliberately triggering yourself, sometimes you need to put in the work of managing your triggers on your own.

if you know you will be in an area where that trigger is common, it is okay to want to reduce damage and remove yourself from that situation. it is okay to walk out of a showing or a movie. it is okay that i avoided that end of campus for awhile, but i couldn’t block it out completely, and expecting others to do the same for me was wrong. it is okay to want to reduce acute damage the trigger may cause, but the reality of living with trauma is that you need to have a long term survival plan, and avoidance is not a sustainable strategy.

big common things, like dark subjects, are easy to tag because they can be triggering for a lot of people. thats why some shows and things nowadays *do* have trigger warnings for those kinds of things. but while i can expect to go some places (and be thankful!) when people warn for things like violence, i can’t expect to be warned about every instance of say, the name emma. and i can’t anticipate others even knowing that because it’s such a specific and obscure trigger, and having to deal with so many triggers that were everyday objects taught me a lot about trauma and healing, honestly.

and even with the common and violent triggers, sometimes people aren’t perfect. sometimes people forget. sometimes the threshold for what someone considers triggering is different for someone else, and that is going to vary person to person. sometimes people are huge assholes and want to shock people. and while warning for common triggers is considerate and should be normalized, it isn’t inherently owed. because this isn’t like a “gotcha stay triggered snowflakes” it’s just that it’s literally impossible to filter life. people forget. people mess up. things slip through the cracks and sometimes life is just well.. triggering.

anyways, those are some thoughts. take care of yourselves out there

[misnomera]

I think it unfair to open a can of worms through an anonymous ask(if I do it’ll be in my own acc) so I’ve put the slash between names but am I the only Chinese person really frustrated with the popularity of T/GCF bc of all the whitewashing that takes place in so many fandoms for East Asian media? They say if a fandom gets too uncomfortable to leave but I honestly find it unfair that I feel like I’m always the one that has to leave. Or is there something wrong with me?

yo anon i’m just vibing here on tumblr dot com and like you already said this ask is pretty unfair. pls dont do this on anon? but hey I do actually have some thoughts on this, so what the fuck, i’ll entertain it. If anyone clowns on this ask I will block <3

As chinese diaspora I think it’s great that tgcf is getting attention overseas! not to invalidate your frustrations or anything because i think your worry is justified, especially since the world of tgcf is so entrenched in taoist cultural traditions and beliefs, which a lot of foreigners might not have a good understanding of (though i wouldn’t call that whitewashing? just cultural ignorance). people are gonna misinterpret parts of the story esp because its hard for translations to convey the right tone sometimes. people are gonna mispronounce or misspell characters’ names and you’ll cringe a little about it. that’s inevitable. the burden often ends up falling upon chinese fans to correct misconceptions too, which can be frustrating, but from what i’ve seen so far on tumblr and twitter and the like it’s been relatively okay and pretty respectful, and people are genuinely interested in learning more about the cultural context to the stories? And having thoughtful conversations about said representations of culture? I’ve also seen lots of people on social media who are like, actually seriously learning chinese now as well because they want to consume more chinese media. i think that’s great! i welcome that, also validates the hell outta my cultural identity so its like, hell yeah, y’know? And ultimately, chinese or not, these people love the story of tgcf, so i don’t see the harm in it. 

There will always be people who write stupid internet takes and yeah with the donghua getting a bigger western audience from airing on youtube and funimation and whatnot those instances will probably increase. Again, inevitable, thats just the state of social media today. but my experience of the english-speaking side of the fandom has been pretty alright so far (keep in mind im still very new to tgcf, i started reading the book on november 1st). And y’know, you can always ~curate your social media experience~ to avoid seeing annoying shit. unfollow ppl who like to get involved in fandom drama! remain blissfully unaware! dont go actively looking for posts written by haters! get your own lil fandom corner with some mutuals and just vibe! and if you really, really don’t like that non-chinese speakers are getting into tgcf, then, idk, go on weibo and lofter or smth, the fanbase is certainly much bigger there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[letbenfuck2021]

season 2 of tua is coming out soon so let's go over some shit:

1) Stop misusing the word "abuse"...

and all the terms that come along with it (listen, do one of the characters in the show remind you of your abuser? Do some actions in the trigger you (and I mean "trigger" in the real sense not the bastardized version that the internet has produced) I honestly think you should stop watching the show. It's not worth it but if you decide to continue, don't put the responsibility for your emotional distress on strangers from the internet. This is gonna sound mean but Im saying it for unless you have an already established relationship with someone on here, DO NOT rely on them to fullfil your emotional needs. It's unfair to you and it's unfair to them. Ppl might like a character that reminds you of your abuser. That sucks but just avoid them and ppl like them. Ppl might enjoy or "glorify" an action that you found triggering (ie. maybe you didn't like Vanya's outburst at the end of the show, it reminded you of your own abusers mental instability) it is not other ppl's responsibility to restrict themselves to fit your needs. You can ask ppl to be mindful of you, ask for tags, ask to be blocked (idk how Tumblr's blocking system works but getting blocked is one of the only ways I know of to not see another person's posts), unfollow ppl, etc. but you cannot accuse ppl of shit like being abuse apologists or whatever just cuz ppl like a character that you don't like. Grow up.

2) DON'T HARASS PPL...

I feel fucking....insane just having to say that but honestly, wtf ppl??? Don't send Anon hate, don't send suicide bait, don't send nasty images to ppl who disagree with you. You wanna get dirty? You wanna start beef in the reblogs and replies (I sure fucking have)? Go for it but if someone wants out, if someone doesn't wanna talk anymore and blocks you, don't tease and insult them. They are exercising their right to curate their fandom experience. Respect that and move on.

3) ship and let ship...

tired. I'm so fucking tired. Shipping =\= morality. But actions sure do. If you're gonna send Anon hate, threats, suicide bait over fictional ships? You're the bad person. Not the shipper.

4) don't like, don't read, and if you do and complain...welp.... can't help ya luv...

I've gotten into meta beefs and real talk? 99% were not worth it. Because all that came of it was interacting with some of the nastiest, pettiest, most disgusting human beings I have ever met. But ya know what? That was my decision. I made my bed and laid in it. Probably will do so again. You wanna get into beef, be prepared to get dirty and use that block button.

5) a space ain't safe unless you make it that way...

Listen. I have PTSD, fuckin... mental illness out the wazoo. It is a harrowing experience. But fandom is not a safe space. It just isn't. And I'm gonna be honest, it shouldn't be. If you want a space that meets your exact needs then ur gonna need to create it yourself. But don't put that responsibility on everyone else because it's entitled and unfair.

.......this turned out incredibly long and boring. Yay season 2....I guess.

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[ghostliied]

Alright, if you haven’t noticed

An update I guess. 

Also just a bit of venting to get stuff out. I honestly don’t care if you read all of it or what have you, but long story short....

I am putting Kimiko on selective hiatus until further notice. The details under the read more along with the rant if you wanna know. The important stuff is bolded and italicised 

Though tbh I’m surprised I’m still getting followers here whatever.

I’ve been trying really really hard not to bring her to this -- to abandon her and never come back. 

There are several muses that I’ve done that to. Just abandoned them. Hugh, Yuya... But all of which have been in the pokemon fandom. There is a reason for it I suppose. And it’s my personal opinion it has nothing to do with the fandom being quiet and dying/having low activity or whatever..

(honestly if you told me it was, I would politely ask you to stop talking because you really have no idea what it mean to have low activity on a ‘dying fandom.’ believe me I know what it is and the pokemon fandom is not that.)

So instead of just flat out leaving her, I’m just turning off dash notifs. I would never leave her entirely. I don’t think my RP partners deserve that. I have developed really intense and complex relationships with others. 

I will reply to threads. 

Current ones, new ones, what have you. I don’t really care. I will leave my im’s open. I still want to develop her but I may just become super private about it. if anything I will still notify those who I genuinely dont know how to continue the thread. but unless I have told you otherwise, if we have a thread and I owe a reply to you, know that I will be doing it. Dont know when, dont care if its old, I will. Just forgive me if it takes a while because motivation to even write her is very low.

Honestly if you guys want to talk about plotting or anything. You can send a message to me. Chances of my seeing an ask/im on here right away may be low though. You can send asks to @kuromakii (its a side blog and I will be able to see them but idk why IMs are closed here but it will be your best bet though to get a quick response) or if you dont like sending asks, you can send IMs to @pudoguli (my personal blog.)

I have asks here for mimi too. and people sometimes send asks from time to time (but not really tbh)

I will still answer all asks.

Now my reasons for doing this? well. I still hold my opinion that every fandom treats female muses like shit though. No I’m not doing this for others. I write for myself. But I still hold my opinion that I came to tumblr to interact with others. not to be ganging on doors and walls. Granted, have I made some pretty great friends here? yea. And that’s why I’m not 100% leaving. But at this point I am no longer wanting to approach people about the matter anymore. Whether it may be tumblr deleting my asks, or other just kind of dont want to interact/not in the mood/have their hands tied or whatever. I dont really care. I’m not here to force anybody into doing any interaction. But for somebody who has tried really really hard to be nice, send asks, make starters or whatever and then flat out unfollowed/blocked/etc for whatever is not only sad but it’s hurtful. Specially since all I do is put my heart out for others. 

No I’m not forcing anything on anybody. This isn’t about follower count or whatever. I am genuinely talking about me trying to talk to people and putting myself out there and genuinely getting nothing back and for whatever reason, I don’t really care or whatever, it’s fine. Again I’m not forcing anybody to do anything. I am very aware of mental health or whatever.

And I know, people have said that I come off as strong, or intimidating or whatever. and you know what. That hurts, but its whatever.

Its more than that though. I just don’t feel like I belong here. and really why would I want to put myself through more misery with that. I have my friends. I message them and whatnot. I don’t need anybody’s pity or support. 

People can just carry on with their lives. and that’s fine. really it is. I hold no hatred or spite. really. I promise I dont. Granted are there people that I have blacklisted? yes, but honestly at this point I can tell you that there are only 2 people that I avoid here. and I’m telling you all this cause of the dozens of people I have met and spoken with and of the hundreds or urls I have seen, only two are blacklisted and ONLY one has been blocked. 

But I would never ever reveal the names because it is not in my nature to name drop and send hate to them. It is only for my comfort. 

but I digress. Again, I’m just writing all of this to get it out of my system or whatever. I really wouldn’t want to make anybody feel bad for me or whatever. but yea.

I’m probably gonna leave out of most of the discord groups I’m in. I’ll keep mine up and open. my discord, however, IS NOT open to people. Unless I find that I want to share with you because you want to plot then sure but otherwise, I’m not sharing it. again you can send messages to the personal blogs if you want.

You can maybe find me @rexsilentium or @lunalxa if you want to try to interact with canon characters. but activities on them are also just as low as here. 

I’m sorry for those who actually do care about me. I promise I’m still here. just... not dashwatching. Again I’ll be responding to threads or whatever. PMs are open if you want. but otherwise. I’m probably not gonna be super helpful. 

And please, for those who do know me. I’m letting you all know. If you are struggling or something and need some help of cheering up, please do message me so I can try to help you.

Also another thing. I got a new job. not that anybody would care or anything but. it’s 4, 10 hour shifts. And its at night. meaning that I will most likely be sleeping when you peeps are on OR starting my shift. idk its whatever again but just another reason to just not be here.

Anyway. 

peace.

[kayvsworld]

yo how do u deal with antis bc im just trying to have a good time and im minding my own business but i constantly get their nonsense thrown in my face and like i've tried blocking them but that doesn't stop their stuff from showing up. im just so over arguing with them so they can stew in their cesspit but i would like to not be involved ya know. do u have any tips other than blocking them?

honestly??? i just wall myself into a tiny little corner of the internet and block notifications on all of my posts with over 500 notes and don’t really actually interact with many people

i don’t touch anyone else’s posts (not that i ever really have and not that that’s really stopped much), and i block everyone who adds shitty commentary to my stuff and/or messages me, and i unfollow people on like a 1 strike ur out system at this point, and i’ve started avoiding my main blog because of The Nonsense still popping up consistently,,,, and so this blog mostly follows art blogs and i don’t actually end up seeing most fandom stuff ever at all

the problem is that if you follow a single blog that isn’t exclusively positive content there’s a chance you’re going to see stuff so i mean. just. flood the rest of ur dash with stuff that you like and then also,,, experience the immediately post-cacw mcu fandom and become numb enough to That Next Level Nonsense that it doesn’t bother you as much anymore and ur reaction goes from “that’s so shitty and i feel upset” to  “hm that’s dumb and i’m tired goodbye”

i mean. after having people come to me to personally tell me that tony is the same as hitler AND trump AND he’s canonically a pedophile AND that asking the avengers to sign the accords is exactly the same thing as slavery and jim crow laws,,,,,like,,,,,,,everything else just kind of looks very small and stupid?

like a lot of people are just…kind of…….either doing this on purpose as some kind of weird destructive outlet for something to deliberately make other people miserable OR they’ve truly never interacted with marvel canon in their lives, and either way their opinion doesn’t really,,,Matter at all so,,,i’m gonna,,,,,go do something else and never think abt this again? type of thing? 

apathy friend i’m suggesting that you accept exhausted apathy into ur life and also lowkey leave the goddamn fandom i guess whoops

[whatthebodygraspsnot]

Please teach us all how to block out most of fandom and enjoy things in our own spaces. It seems like it should be simple but avoiding the bullshit is harder than anticipated.

it’s really hard u right. and it takes a while and isn’t foolproof. there’s still times where something slips through and i just have to deal. but here’s a couple suggestions regarding how to curate your fandom experience:

1) as soon as possible, figure out what you DONT want to see. this could be a specific ship, or a certain headcanon, etc. the easiest thing you can do right this second is blacklist it, which is available in your settings. it will block that shit out if it does end up on your dash.

2) look for fandom blogs that use the phrase “drama free” or “discourse free” in their descriptions. there’s a surprising number of us who don’t wanna deal and are just trying to enjoy content without drama. nine times out of ten, they’ll stick to it and their blog will be drama free.

3) and i honestly can’t stress this shit enough: UNFOLLOW PEOPLE. it’s okay. it’s totally okay. if you’ve followed someone and they’re discoursin everywhere, or if they were chill in the beginning but then started participating in the drama or are posting things you don’t wanna see, just unfollow them. even if you talk to them. it’s ok, i promise. for the sake of your sanity, just unfollow them and clean up your dash.

4) ask other people who some good blogs to follow would be, pertaining to your wants and needs. ex: “hey do you follow anyone who ships XYZ and doesn’t post discourse? im looking to follow some new people.” you can do it on anonymous if you’re more comfy with that. chances are you’ll get at least one or two blogs that fit what you need.

5) be flexible. which is..super hard i know. but stuff is gonna slip through either due to tagging error or human error, and unfortunately that’s just the way it is. so it’s not gonna be perfect, but it’s gonna be a hell of a lot better than it was when it was a shitshow of hate and content you don’t wanna see.

6) if you really like a blog and you’re feeling generous, give them a shoutout! there are tons of people in your same shoes looking for them, and this way everyone wins!

so yes. running at the mouth now, but i hope that helps. now go. enjoy your fandom experience and prosper, my friend.

[cookinguptales]

So this came up on Twitter yesterday and I thought I’d post about it on Tumblr today. Frankly speaking, I’ve got a lot of young followers and this is some truth I wish someone had taught me when I was a lot younger because I would’ve gone through a lot less stress.

I know we’re all starved for outside validation on this site, but I wanna talk to you about when compliments are used by creeps. Now, you probably know about negging (when someone uses a backhanded compliment on you to make you feel bad about yourself, often in order to pick you up more easily — i.e. “you’re really pretty for a fat girl”), creepy sexualized comments on the street, etc. But I’m talking about really nice compliments about your work or your personality or your drive. Even the sweetest compliment can be used as a weapon.

(All this is going to be a pretty gendered discussion; I in no way want to say that only guys can be creeps and only women have been socialized in the ways I’m about to discuss, but, well. Let’s all be real here, there are definite patterns.)

Discussion under a cut for length and possible triggers

I don’t want to get into a lot of my own painful personal experiences with creepy guys, but I do have to bring up some examples from my own life, so I’ll use one particular guy as a case study. Let’s call him Dick. (Look, I never claimed to be mature.) I’ve had these experiences with guys IRL, but Dick was a guy I met online. At first, Dick was my friend. He clearly had a bit of a crush, but seemed to accept it when I said I wasn’t interested. It was nice having a bud who shared my interests and I knew he had some issues with socializing, so at first I was pretty patient with his problems with boundaries. But by the time my longstanding friendship with Dick ended, he had become a full-blown stalker — and my friends were on his side.

How did this happen? Well, my friends, it’s the art of the public compliment. Dick was All About Me. He loved me. He treated me right. He praised me for my mind and my heart, and he didn’t care who heard him do it. Or so I thought. It took a long time for me to realize it, but he cared very much who heard it. That was exactly why he said it. To be heard.

Over time, I started to become more and more uncomfortable with Dick’s attentions. He wanted to talk about me more than he did the media we’d bonded over. He kept talking about how our (respective) children would grow up together, and would maybe fall in love. (???) He told me that he’d gone to a place I often vacation at — and he’d looked around for tangible traces of me. Long story short, Dick had become pretty creepy.

But, like many women, my first instinct in this situation was to be nice. I wanted to go to him privately and have a polite conversation about all this. And, to his credit, he seemed truly and honestly repentant. Until he did it again. It became a pattern of me trying to establish boundaries and Dick stomping all over them. Finally, despite feeling guilty, I told him he was really upsetting me and I wanted him to leave me alone for a while.

This is when the second creepy pattern emerged. The compliment trap. When I told him to stop contacting me, he didn’t…technically. He didn’t talk to me. He talked about me. He publicly talked about what a great person I was. How smart. How kind. How forgiving. He said it to my friends. He said it to people I respected. And he tagged me.

Now, this looked nice on the outside. He was just complimenting a woman he respects! How nice! But on my side of things, it felt like a trap. All of my friends were waiting for me to acknowledge these compliments. The situation left me with three choices: thank him (in a demure, polite way befitting a modest woman, ofc) and be forced to interact with a man I’d told to leave me alone,  ignore him and look like a stuck up bitch, or say publicly that he’s a creep — which would make me look like I was “hysterical”. (See: rape culture, women “overreacting”, punishing men who “just want to be nice”, etc.)

Left with this choice, I chose option #1. I chose option #1 a bunch of times. Because this would become a pattern. I’d tell him to stop contacting me, he’d do this public complimenting game, I’d feel like I had to interact with him — and worse, I’d question my own feelings of fear. I’d say “Well, look how nice he’s being. Maybe he’s just awkward. He clearly likes me. He doesn’t want to hurt me. Maybe I really was overreacting.” And I’d talk to him again. Until he’d ask me for my address for a Christmas card or something.

And I didn’t realize for a really long time that he wasn’t being nice! This behavior! It was not nice! It was deeply emotionally manipulative! He’d put this horrible emotional onus on me to forgive and forgive and forgive, steadily gaslighting me into forgetting how scared I’d been until I blamed myself for being so quick to react… and let him back into my life. Because this was all public. All our “fighting” happened in private. All those times I begged him to just ease up a little were privy to only the two of us. All our friends, all my support system, only saw a nice boy with a crush praising a girl he liked and her refusing to give him the time of day.

Guess what happened when I finally put my foot down and stopped engaging when he did this? Oh boy. Oh boy. He started sending me literally dozens of messages a day, sometimes over a hundred. Have you ever had a person sending you @s on tumblr and twitter, private messages on tumblr and twitter, public and private messages on Facebook, emails, LJ messages, IMs on two different clients, and forum messages? Every single goddamn day? Dozens of times? Have you ever had a guy start showing interest in something you know he never liked before — just so he can “coincidentally” run into you on every community you’ve ever joined?

Honestly, I was so stressed. In tears all the time. My school work was suffering. No matter how many times I tried to tell him to stop, to avoid him, etc., he just kept going. I told him that we were done. No more forgiveness. I wanted absolutely zero contact — and I wanted him to never mention me on social media again. I didn’t want him to @ me. I didn’t want him to say my name. I didn’t want him to make thinly veiled sad posts about me. Zero contact. If he did that, I wouldn’t block him on every single platform and tell everyone we knew.

Yeah, I was dumb. I still wanted to be nice and polite. He’d been my friend, y’know? I didn’t want to ruin his life. I just wanted him to stop ruining mine. Even then, I didn’t understand how manipulative he’d been. I still believed he was just kind of awkward, and that I was probably the dick for being unable to deal with it. After all, I’d been friends with him, right? I’d encouraged him, right? It’d felt good to have someone like me so much, right?

(Yeah, until it didn’t.)

I almost got out this time, though. He almost made it. Sure, he “accidentally” replied to my posts every few weeks. (Somehow I didn’t put together that even though I’d unfollowed him, he clearly hadn’t unfollowed me. I guess I just thought that he’d kept seeing my posts when our mutual friends replied to them.) I felt pretty good. In fact, I was at a point where I felt almost silly for being upset in the first place. And then our mutual friends started asking me why we weren’t talking as much. He’d liked me so much. We’d had such good conversations. They talked about maybe reconnecting with him. After all, they’d only ever seen him being nice.

And god help me, I said okay. I figured he must have grown! Learned his lesson! Nah, that fucker was back to sending me tons of messages, talking to my friends (who did not know him), inserting himself in conversations I was having with others, making plans for the children I never wanted to have, etc.

I finally blocked him. E v e r y w h e r e. And I felt so fucking relieved that I was actually angry with myself for not doing it earlier. This man had harassed me for years, and I’d been the one to feel guilty over it.

Still private, I contacted our mutual friends and told them very briefly that he’d been harassing me and I was cutting off contact. I asked them to support me. Some people did.

A lot of people didn’t.

They’d only seen his public face. They’d only seen the avalanche of love and compliments. He hadn’t known better!! He just didn’t know how to express his feelings!! Next thing I knew, they were forwarding messages from him to me. Even after I’d blocked the fucker, he was still using compliments and romantic gestures to get to me! Through the people I’d trusted!

I’d finally had enough and was very public about this man who’d harassed me. I told people everything I’d been putting up with. I aired all our dirty laundry that I’d tried so hard to keep politely private. And some people believed me.

But a lot of people didn’t.

(This, coincidentally, is why I don’t answer tumblr asks privately anymore, not unless the person specifically asks me to and they haven’t been creepy at all. I had another guy pull this on me and I found myself in this same position again and all I had was private harassment. So no more of that! Public contact all the way.)

But Sarah, you say, isn’t this an isolated incident? Why are you making this huge tumblr post about one guy? Well, number one, it wasn’t one guy. This happened to me several times before I recognized that this wasn’t one man — this was a pattern of behavior that many men share. Number two, it speaks to wider issues that I’d like to address.

Media pushes this idea that if a girl is mad at you, you just have to work hard to be romantic and win her back. Piss her off? Hold up a boom box outside her window! Romantic, right? No, bruh, you’re lurking outside a girl’s bedroom window when she said she doesn’t be around you. She’s terrified and you’re being a creep. This isn’t gonna win her back. It’s just going to tell her you don’t know how to respect her boundaries.

Women are socialized to be nice even when they’re scared. We’re supposed to ignore the alarm bells in our head because it’s not socially acceptable to pull away. When we are complimented, we are supposed to acknowledge it graciously. When someone likes us, we are supposed to like them back. If we draw strong boundaries and enforce them, we often face strong social consequences. I’m here to tell you that every one of those consequences is worth it to help you feel safe.

Hell, I’ll reiterate it. It’s okay to be a bitch. Don’t sacrifice your mental and emotional well being for someone else’s. Women are supposed to be self-sacrificial, too… but you don’t have to be. A truly good person wouldn’t want you to be.

A PERSON WHO REALLY LIKES AND RESPECTS YOU WILL NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL UNSAFE AROUND THEM. IF THEY’RE OKAY WITH YOU BEING SCARED OF THEM, THIS IS A DEEPLY UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Compliments are not always kind!! You do not always need to be grateful for them! Even nice compliments, ones that are more “you have beautiful writing” vs “nice tits”, can be utilized to emotionally manipulate you and those around you. If a compliment is making you uncomfortable because of the context in which it’s given, you do not need to even acknowledge it. It doesn’t make you stuck up or a bitch. Compliments are supposed to build you up and make you feel good, y’know? If it’s hurting you, it’s still a shitty compliment and that’s on them.

We’re taught that it’s best to be discreet. Naw, man. Be as public as possible, especially if someone’s giving you weird vibes. Keep things on the public record. Like, don’t be an asshole or anything, don’t publicize private information, but you don’t have to keep your conflict in the dark away from prying eyes. That’s only going to benefit the person hurting you… because there will be no established pattern of behavior. Establish establish establish.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, no one is owed your attentions. It doesn’t matter if they like you. It doesn’t matter if they do nice things for you. It doesn’t matter if there’s social pressure to acknowledge them and/or their efforts. It doesn’t matter if they do every single thing right. If you don’t want to interact with someone, you don’t have to. It doesn’t matter if they just give you vague creep vibes — or if you just plain don’t like them! No one is owed your attentions! Never feel trapped into interacting with people because they make you feel guilty!

(And for that matter, never let someone make you uncomfortable because “they’re just socially awkward”. You can be sympathetic towards someone’s social issues without letting them make you feel unsafe. Believe me, I’ve fallen into this one so many times.)

Anyway, tl;dr? Live bitch is better than dead sweetheart. Don’t fall for the compliment trap. Tell him to fuck off. If friends try to act as intermediary between you and someone you cut out of your life, they’re trash. Tell them to fuck off, too. You have my blessing.

[grandschemed]

All salty questions please

1. how salty are you feeling right now?

i had my cup of coffee and it’s 9:15 and i don’t have any work to do at work at the moment so u know?? i actually feel pretty good i’m chill it’s all good but please continue reading under the cut for more salty unpopular opinions by yours truly :*

2. what are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

3. what rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

4. have you ever made a call out post or wanted to?

i don’t think i have??  i’ve never really had an issue with somebody to the point that i felt as if i needed to make a callout post which thank god??? i’m grateful i’ve ( for the most part ) had really positive experiences so far 

as for callout culture itself ?? i have mixed feelings about it bc the majority of callout posts i’ve read seem kind of Harsh bc ur essentially damning this person from the roleplay community forever esp. bc i personally don’t think roleplaying is That Deep u know??  like theft is annoying and whatnot but idk if it’s something i’d call somebody out for personally - MAYBE I WOULDN’T MIND CALLOUT POSTS if anons didn’t go overboard telling said individual to die / kill themselves ??? 

HOWEVER i think there are instances in which callout posts are necessary esp. when calling out tumblr users for being a racist / pedophile / etc. THAT’S SUBJECTIVE AS HELL i know but pedophilia is GROSS AS FUCK and SO IS RACISM and god forbid i accidentally follow / write with any of those people because ew ew ew EW it’s good to know who to avoid in the community at the same time so ... Yeah i’ve got mixed feelings about callout posts

5. a ship everyone in the fandom you’re in loves, but you can’t stand?

since i’m a multimuse part of 1002 fandoms i’ll focus on haikyuu!! except i’m pretty sure i’m going to get my ass roasted alive but i really can’t stand i/waoi LMAO but that’s mostly out of bias and the fact that a lot of i/waoi shippers have ruined it for me by viciously hating on u/shijima as a character calling him a r/apist and saying that u/shioi is abusive when u/shijima has done literally nothing ever to abuse o/ikawa like what ?? if anything i/waoi is the abusive ship considering i/waizumi’s the one who physically hurts o/ikawa all the time LOL

shitty shippers aside idk i/waoi’s personally just not really my jam?  to be honest all the super popular hq!! ships aren’t rly my jam - i don’t even really have good explanation for why i dislike i/waoi as much as i do from an unbiased point of view but i prefer them as friends ?? in all honesty ??  JUST MY 2 CENTS THO 

6. have you ever sent something to one of those burn book blogs?

lol no i might be extra but i aint That Extra laughs in all seriousness i rly haven’t had any major problems w/ other roleplay blogs to the point that i was tempted to send something to a burn book blog

7. has someone made you unfollow/block them without a second thought because of a petty reason?

i’m trying to remember if there were any instances in which i did so for a petty reason but most of the time ??? i usually unfollow if somebody writes something Inherently Problematic / over-the-top purple prose / they don’t follow me back ... there was one time when i unfollowed somebody bc i asked them for their autoplay bc i rly liked the song and i just wanted to listen to it??? LMAO but they thought i was going to steal from them just bc we wrote the same muse and i was like Bro. I JUST LIKED UR AUTOPLAY what the hell i just wanted to listen to it 200 times in a row on youtube chill so i unfollowed them bc lmao how dare you assume i’d steal from somebody in the first place Get Over Yourself Susan

8. are you good at dealing with personal problems?

i’d say so?? again i usually don’t rly have roleplaying issues but problems aside from those i usually like to vent on twitter and i feel Much Better after that??  im a pretty chill person irl and shit doesn’t rly get to me so i can come off as kind of blunt / insensitive but i feel like i get over most stuff pretty quickly - there’s no reason to get Angry and make somebody suffer when somebody tries to fuck you over imo??  True Vengeance is aspiring to be happier / richer / more successful / fulfilled than that person will ever be - that’s my Fuck You to those people y’know?? 😂😂😂 life is so much better when i focus on me and figuring out what i can do to fulfill my emotional needs - i feel very lucky with what i have and all my friends and family who cherish + support me of course though !!

9. what’s your opinion on duplicates?

i may come off as a confident self-assured person but even i get shaken time to time y’know??  but for the most part i don’t rly mind duplicates??  in fact i like to try to befriend them to get over any anxiety i might have over duplicates and i think it’s a silly thing to be uncomfortable by duplicates personally bc again roleplaying rly ain’t that deep you guys - in fact you guys both like the same character so you guys chose to write the same character??  duplicates + i already have a connection in that sense!!  also duplicate muse threads are SUPER COOL to write in my opinion bc it lets your muse face themselves and they can rly see themselves for who they really are which i think is Always Cool because i love writing threads in which i get to explore emotional depth with my muses ?? PLUS DUPLICATES ARE COOL bc it’s kind of interesting to see how other people interpret the same character you write bc everybody has different opinions 

i know the anxiety might be there but i think the best advice my mom has ever given me is not to compare yourself to other people even if you think they’re better than you or something and i know that’s hard advice to follow for everybody but roleplaying is a hobby and it’s done for fun - there’s so many other things you can stress about in life so why let roleplaying be one of those things??  focus on yourself and focus on your muse and developing that muse with other people and people will want to come to you to write with them.  preferences will always be a thing - it’s only natural but focus on having fun with your muse as opposed to worrying about other people!!

10. any fandom(s) you don’t want to rp in or crossover to?

11. are you for or not for purple prosing?

12. has someone in the rp community ever made you upset/cry?

i don’t think..... so??  upset maybe but not to the point of crying??  i mean again i’ve never really had a truly terrible experience but i did have an ex-writing partner who used to constantly guilt trip me until i finally broke it off with them because it was starting to affect my real life relationships and whatnot and i didn’t want to bear that burden anymore as much as i wanted to be their friend but i couldn’t singlehandedly bear all of their problems for them anymore because it wasn’t healthy for me nor was it good for them so i cut them out of my life for both of our sakes - i’ve had great times with this person but ultimately, i’m glad i did what i did and i’m proud of myself for being able to focus on my own emotional needs

13. ever told someone not to follow/rp with a particular person because something that happened to you in the past?

i ... can’t remember laughs I DON’T THINK SO???  people have told me not to write w/ certain people before when i go into new communities blind but for the most part i don’t think i’ve really had an overly terrible experience to the point that i felt i had to tell other people not to roleplay with / follow them ... i’ve been very blessed with a good experience so far!!

14. ever knew someone that everyone loves but you can’t stand?

i would say ‘can’t stand’ is kind of harsh but i dislike them because of a petty reason???  it’s fine tho bc they stay in their lane and i stay in mine - it’s all good imo.  i for the most part have enough decency not to hate on other people’s ships but this person kept telling me about how much they dislike my ships to my face on a consistent basis which again PETTY and i know they weren’t in a good place at the time but shrugging emoji idk i just thought it was kind of rude ??

15. have you ever done something out of spite?

i do everything out of spite im jk but seriously if you tell me i can’t do smth i will only do said thing with 100% more effort out of sheer spite like THERE WAS SOMEBODY who told me i couldn’t ship a certain ship so i proceeded to flood my dash with 300% more ship content you’re welcome headass spite is a Great Motivator

me: i’m a chill person and im going to be the happiest person ever :)also me: u test me bitch and im coming for ur entire life

16. what would you say to the one who hurt you in the past?

i hope you are incandescently happier than you were before.  i hope you are in a better place and i hope you are still writing with people who appreciate you and can give you the attention you deserve.  i hope you are a better person today and i wish you nothing but the best in a life without me, but i do not miss you nor do i ever want you back in my life.  i cherish the good times we had together, but we are better off without each other regardless of what you might still think and i hope you don’t.  i hope you recognize what you did and i hope you are a wonderful person today.

17. what are your opinions when someone makes negative posts constantly on their rp blog?

if you make more negative posts than roleplay content i’m gonna unfollow you??  i understand you’re having a hard time with your life but honestly i followed you to write with you - it’s not that your well-being doesn’t matter to me but i write to have fun + destress and ultimately, roleplaying is about myself??  im not doing this for other people - im doing this for me.  i don’t mind occasional negative posts ( ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE TAGGED !! ) but if you’re consistently complaining about how much you think you suck compared to everyone else or how you think nobody wants you around, then i’m going to unfollow you because i came to write with you because i thought you were COOL!!  i know people just want to vent ( LORD KNOWS I VENT A LOT even if it’s about little stuff ) but consider making a twitter / a personal tumblr in which you can do so instead of your roleplay blog which is for roleplaying ???  idk that’s just my opinion but i try to keep my roleplaying blog strictly related to the content - i don’t even want to flood my blog with too many ooc asks bc u guys didn’t follow me to read my constant ooc posts ( even if i feel like i write a lot LMAO ) - u guys followed to write w me !!!!

18. do you hold grudges for long?

i say no but at the same time i’ve been really bitter towards an ex-best friend for three years now.  NONE OF THESE GRUDGES ARE ROLEPLAY-RELATED but again my way of vengeance is to be way happier and more successful than her and never ever see her again because that’s the decision she made??  we used to be Super Close but then she got a boyfriend and her entire life revolved around her boyfriend and we never spent any more time together after that like ??? it’s clear who she chose over me so if she doesn’t want to make the effort to spend time with me then i see no effort to give her any thought.  also the fact that she, as a white individual, complained to my other best friend behind my back that i’m apparently too “sensitive” about popular media.  like really?  wow, must be nice to have all the representation you could possibly ever ask for, karen.  get the fuck out of here with that attitude /:  

also SUPER PERSONAL but i’m salty about my kind-of-ex because he basically acted like he was really invested in me when he was still hung up on somebody else and i let myself be emotionally vulnerable around him until he confessed to me that he just wanted to be friends because he was still into his ex and then proceeded to neglect our friendship because he’d spend all of his time with his ex ( who he predictably got back together with + who turned out to be a really shitty selfish manipulative person who he broke up with anyway ) which was Fine i was already used to that anyway with SEE: ABOVE FRIEND but then after he broke up with her he’s tried to come back into my life on various occasion because he’s never had as Great of a Friend as me and frankly i can’t forgive him or myself for making myself invest any sense of emotion into him it makes me so angry to think i was actually upset because i actually cared a lot about him and he made me feel like i wasn’t good enough and how fucking dare he make me feel like that ever?  i’m the Fucking Best and he deserves absolutely nothing from me he deserves perfect indifference and i hope he never ever feels fulfilled in his life i wish him a great and terrible lack of satisfaction for the rest of his miserable life xoxo i’m going to be SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN THAT ASSHOLE i’m years and years better off without him i hope he pines for my friendship for the rest of his life

19. wild card: ask the mun any type of salty asks.

20. if you’re feeling salty right now, this ask gives you a free reign to pour out your frustration.

i feel like question 18 let me do that so i’m good but also ??? fuck the gangsta. novel ??? for its HORRIBLE characterization of worick + nic’s relationship ???  the gangsta. novel treats their relationship as if nic is some dog/servant to worick which in itself is gross in concept because haha yay a poc character forcibly being subservient to a white character THAT’S COOL :)))))))) but also ??????? uh AUTHOR ARE WE READING THE SAME MANGA ?????

worick has never treated nic as a dog / servant even when they were children - worick even taught him how to read / write ??? worick and nic were e/o’s first and only friends for a long while ??? they’ve lived together for so many years - they canonly share shirts, they’re business partners, worick was genuinely hurt to see nic in so much pain.  not only does worick NOT see nic as a dog / servant HE LOVES NIC ???  HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH THEIR RELATIONSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME they’ve been through so much together and worick since he was 14 has literally supported the both of them via Really Horrible Means that i won’t get into - i’ll leave it up to your imagination but he split the profit he made from what he did with nic ???  there’s no way worick would’ve done that shit if he viewed nic as somebody beneath him esp. when survival was so difficult for two 14-year-old boys with no funds or resources they’ve survived together through thick and thin and there’s a special relationship they have and i love worick and nic okay I LOVE THEM SO MUCH EVEN IF THEY MAKE SHITTY DECISIONS AND WHATNOT nobody will ever convince me otherwise 

also if you’ve made it to the end i commend you and thank you for reading my salty opinions / personal problems / issues :* i hope you all have a wonderful day :**

[occasionallygrovyle]

Blog organization: A guide

Mama bird here, gonna give ya a rundown on how to make ur bloggos 👍👍 so y’all can gain more traffic and love for all ya lovely blogs and mons.

Been doing this pokemon blogging business for 4 years, been here and back, so lemme give ya the 411 on how to make them blogs sparkle n shine

Pokeask/daily blogs should be focused on exactly that: interactions and the such. OOC should be limited to munday memes and the such. I know some folks prefer to keep ooc meme prompts to weekends and munday, I’m more neutral on that. Do what you like, just tag it accordingly so people can blacklist if they don’t want to see meme content. Use a meme tag. I myself have a personal tumblr where I reblog all sorts of stuff, cuz tbh when I look at a blog I want to see stuff relating to the theme of the blog, not random ooc reblogs (been seeing a blog reblogging animals relating to their muse under a specific tag, I’d say that’s perf fine since it’s related, and there’s a tag that can be blacklisted if folks don’t wanna see it!).

But Yonder I want to talk to other people and jab about the stuff I like! How do I talk to others if I’m gonna clog up daily/ask content here? Fam I feel you. I talk bout myself all the time lmao. On my twitter, and in discord chats! Got twitter a year ago, It’s a perfect platform to get to know others better, and you can do memes there too! Nowadays when people talk to me via IM I redirect them to my twitter cuz it’s just easier for me. The formatting of twitter just makes it easier to start convos b/c everyone’s pretty much constantly making new convo starters you can respond to whenever. This is more of a personal note but I don’t really show my personality much here on my blogs so by looking through my twitter peeps’ll be able to better judge if we’ll get along!

Speaking of tagging: Abuse the tagging system! Got an ooc post? Tag it ooc! Got an art post? Use an art tag (you don’t have to, that’s getting fairly specific, but I do)! For example: I use the tag #out of park for my ooc posts. And specific mons are tagged as is too! So if someone wants to dig up a specific response they can via a species tag like #pangoro or w/e.

As a side note when people search up tags on tumblr, only the first 5 tags of any given post are put into those tumblr searches. If you want people to find your art tagged under #pkmnart or w/e, be sure it’s one of the first 5 tags in your post! This’ll make sure your content will be seen by more people who otherwise wouldn’t have seen it.

Have all info on a muse easily accessible (aka, a ref)! If I can’t find it within 5 clicks or so (this is relating to user interfaces in general on the web), I’m probably not gonna bother to dig around for it. Got other things to do fam, job, college, commissions, adult life n all that jazz. And we all know social media gives us terribly short attention spans lmao.

Clean up outdated material. Done with that meme you did a few days ago? Delete the prompt so it’s not cluttering your content. If you really wanna save those meme responses, make them into a private post, or compile them all in a draft and delete the original posts. It breaks my heart when I see a lovely blog, but I gotta dig through 10 meme prompts to see any actual content. I usually don’t follow a blog back if I see that.

This is a huge pet peeve of mine but Trim Ya Posts!! See this?

I’ll instantly unfollow if I see this. If you’re going to reblog something like this please, I implore you to 1) use ya personal blog homie, this really shouldn’t be on an ask/daily blog. 2) tag as #long post so that blacklist extension can do it’s magic. This extends to untrimmed rps. Xkit has extensions that allow for deleting the older replies in threads, so when you reblog something your followers aren’t seeing the same starter post for the 20th time.

What if I can’t get Xkit? Well, usually in that case the best alternative is to draw/make the reply and put a [previous post] link either above or below your reply! Trust me, your followers will thank you for it.

Some other tips:

Don’t use super bright colors for blog headers and themes. If them colors make my eyes hurt I’m avoiding it like the plague.  https://coolors.co/ is a great color palette generating site! How we perceive color varies from person to person but generally super saturated colors should be avoided for blog headers.

Don’t reblog 4 memes at once. It’s a bit much, at least to me;;

If someone’s taking requests and is asking for a reblogged ref, reply to the original post instead of making a giant thread of ref pics

People might be tearing into each other for w/e reason on your dash but honestly even if the people involved made it public don’t get mixed into it if it doesn’t involve you. Be mature and know when to mind your own business. 

Adding to this: talk about issues privately. Not everyone needs to know your beef with so-and-so unless they’re a threat to minors or they’re doing something undeniably nasty, ect.

Don’t gossip. Dude. You may not think so but we can tell who you’re vauging about. Just. Stop. Vent to a friend in private or something. 

Dumb anon bugging you? Just. Block em hun. Take a breather, they have no power over you. Just reply with  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and move on. 

Communicate. If something someone does bugs you, talk to them privately. Vauging and gossiping does nothing to solve the problem except make it incredibly hard to discern what’s truth and what’s not in a situation.

Don’t force a friendship by saying “can we be friends?” It makes things incredibly awkward. You don’t become a friend with someone via request. The best friends I’ve made on here? I don’t even remember when or how we started talking, it just happened naturally.

Generally, peeps have an internet alias that isn’t their muse’s name. For example, my name is not Grovyle. My name is Yonder, and I don’t wish to be addressed as Grovyle as she is one of many fictional fabrications I have. She’s not my identity, not by a long-shot. I’ll only resort to using the muse/url I know them by to address someone if I literally have no other way to distinguish them in a chat.

Oneliners and incoherent sentence structure (not on part of the muse’s personalty but rather the person’s writing) on a regular basis in a response tend to make it very hard for people to reply or maintain interest. Though generally this applies more to text-based blogs where text is what people are coming to the blog for.

Ur all wonderful n I know many of you are new to this and I want you all to enjoy blogging and avoid the mistakes I made when I was a wee blogger back in 2013. Feel free to ask for clarification, I write this in an attempt to help things be more streamlined and easier for everyone in this community! And of course, I’m sure plenty of this is subjective on my part. 

Love y’all!

[derflugeldesengels]

oh! since i know his app and starts are a bit oddly worded and confusing, what with me saying “hes an ordinary human who thinks hes an angel”, i thought id make a quick lil post to help people know what exactly licht is. this might sound aggressive but im trying to make it as clear as possible, because i know a few people have been confused already even after reading the app and stats.

Under a read more because I do get kinda long winded.

hes human. 100%.

“but leo” you might say, “He calls himself an angel!”

funny thing about beliefs. a lot of people can believe something even against all the odds. licht is still 100% human even if his mom told him hes an angel.

“but leo! his header image features wings!”

that was from the series licht was featured in. it was actually the first moment hyde laid eyes on licht. 

the only thing angelic about licht is his piano skills, in which hes called the “owner of the angel’s tone.” his music is pure. so pure it brings people to tears. thus, the nickname “owner of the angel’s tone”.

“but leo! his backpack! it has wings!”

purely decoration. at the age of 5, his mother gave him a backpack with wings on it to let everyone know licht was an angel.

“but leo! other people call him an angel in your threads!”

licht will defend his title of angel with violence, if need be. so most people who know him (namely hyde), simply take to calling him an angel, and making a joke out of it. like with hyde over enthusiastically calling him the most amazing and handsome angel ever. other people in the series take to doing this to.

“if hes human, why does he call himself an angel?”

at the age of 5, his mother (who also thinks shes an angel), told licht he was an angel, and raised him in a fantasy like world where angels, demons, fae and such exist. theres a whole comic page dedicated to it. i can link you to it if you want to read it real quick. in japan, licht is actually considered a DENPA human. someone with extreme fantasies and dissociated from society and the people around him.

“what if my muse cant accept licht having dreams and fantasies?”

like i said, licht will defend his beliefs of being an angel with violence. call his mom a liar and he will attack. he wont listen to his dad, hyde, or anyone else close to him, but if youre ok with licht not listening to your  muse too and instead attacking your muse, by all means. IM me and we can plot something out if you really want to try to rip the 14+ year long belief that he’s an angel from him and shatter his mental state.

“what if my muse might be the one to strip licht of his life long dreams and leave him a broken empty husk who thinks hes an idiot for being confident? what if my muse might be able to take away one of licht’s entire character traits?”

by all means, IM me. We can plot out how licht is going to fight your muse.

“what if my muse thinks its weird but doesnt want to fight?”

they can either do like hyde and the other vampires do and just mock him by agreeing with such heavy sarcasm, or they can ignore it. its also not that hard to just go “sure ok” and leave it at that.

“licht having delusions of being an angel makes me, the mun,  uncomfortable!”

honestly? fair. rping licht is actually sometimes embarrassing for me. i take breaks from him because his way of thinking actually does embarrass me because i know its super weird! the first time i rped licht i had to keep it to friends only because i know how people can be! so we can either avoid mentioning it in threads, or you can unfollow if nothing will work. 

licht isnt gonna stop thinking hes an angel. hes a human, plain and simple. i know hes human.hopefully now you know hes human! even your muses can tell hes human! it is weird for him to think hes an angel when everyone around him knows hes human. but thats lichts entire character. hes a denpa human who thinks hes an angel. if its that much of a problem, unfollow and block. im not gonna hunt you down and ask questions.

Hope that cleared it up!! Thanks for reading!

[marvelousescapism]

hey sorry honestly i have no idea how any of that read as bucky hate bc. it wasnt and also like im not saying no one can find him compelling or interesting or anything lol i just meant that the huge amount of hype around him in and out of fandom spaces is absolutely a result of him being a hot white guy first and anything else second. like the amount of people who make sexy edits of him being tortured and the like is. staggering and kinda uncomfortable

ah you're back. first of all, thank you for clarifying that what you said wasn't meant in a hateful/malicious way. sorry i thought that way initially (but there is a fair bit of drama-baiting going around and i really don’t want to engage with fandom drama myself, so i hope you understand).

second of all, i'm not sure what sort of answer you're looking for from me here exactly. like, i'm not sure what i said or reblogged that prompted your asks. maybe you just feel like my blog is somewhere you feel safe venting about things that are upsetting you - in which case, i’m glad you feel that my little spot on the internet is a safe place to express yourself, but please do keep in mind that i personally would like to avoid engaging with quite a lot of d*scourse that’s going around.

i'm gonna go ahead and assume that your intentions are good and that you’re just looking for some reassurance for how you're feeling about this - which i understand completely. i've put my response under a cut so that it doesn't clog up other people's dashes - i hope you don't mind.

now, because i know nothing about you and i suck at communicating in general, it’s hard for me to tell what your specific feelings regarding bucky and his fandom are. so i might be getting this wrong, but i think what you’re saying is that you like bucky as a character, but his fandom annoys you.

i think the healthiest thing for you to do is to disengage with blogs and fans and content creators whose opinions are making you feel uncomfortable and annoyed. go on an unfollowing spree. block people. block me if i reblog a lot of bucky content you don’t enjoy. don’t feel like you’re being rude - you’re just creating a fandom experience that you can enjoy.

sexy edits of his torture scenes and other objectification-for-the-sake-of-objectification content about bucky makes me uncomfortable too, so i don't follow people who post or share that kind of content (which is why it surprises me that you've found staggering amounts of it - i hardly see any myself!).

i don't dislike people who do make or enjoy this content, though, because that's how they personally engage with this character and that's not for me to judge. but if you personally feel like you dislike these people, that's even more reason to disengage with them.

now, when it comes to your aggravation over people engaging with bucky’s character predominantly because he’s a hot white guy, i really do sympathize. i agree completely that, if bucky weren’t conventionally attractive, or if he were a person of colour, or if he were a woman, he would not have nearly as many fans as he does now. and it really sucks.

fandom spaces are microcosms of the misogynistic, racist society we live in, and have been catered by white people for decades (due to, among other reasons, lack accessibility to these spaces for people of colour, and people of colour not being made to feel welcome in these spaces). it’s something we all need to be wary of and the fandoms i’m in definitely have a whole bunch of issues when it comes to racism and sexism.

however!! this is not a conversation i, as a white person, feel i should be leading. so i’m gonna leave it at that and move on.

i do feel that, when it comes to your annoyances over people only engaging with bucky’s character only because they find him attractive, this may be something you ought to practice forgiving people for. how people personally engage with a character - whether you feel it’s a shallow engagement or an engagement that makes you feel uncomfortable - does not need to be something that encroaches on your personal engagement with a character. try to understand that the person posting/reblogging this content did not mean for someone like you (i.e. someone who would be annoyed at this content) to see it, forgive them, unfollow or block them if you feel that’s best, and try to move on. it will get easier the more you do this.

the fact of the matter is that some people do only engage with certain characters because they find them hot. and that’s okay! that’s how those people are having fun in fandom - it doesn’t mean you also have to participate this way, and it is not your duty to persuade them to participate in a different way. engaging with a character just because you find them hot isn’t a bad thing. it harms no one. and, at the end of the day, as long as the way you are engaging with fandom harms no one irl, there’s nothing wrong with it.

phew. okay. im done.

sorry this response got so long! i really hope it didn’t come across as condescending because that was not my intention at all. but i do hope there’s something in this long-winded ramble that you find helpful. adios, my friend.