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#but honestly putting everything together
queenoftheboard · 1 year
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♕ headcanon . Eirene's main connections in Path to Nowhere
I have been going over the profiles for most Sinners for a while now, while revisiting the Dreamy Bubble segment with Eirene rather frequently and doing most interrogations available until now (I am missing very few of them). These bits of information have yielded interesting revelations when combined - particular the Dreamy Bubble stage where you see the 'shadows' of the main 'chess pieces' used by the Chief and Eirene.
This stage seems to imply that Eirene is associated to Mr. Fox, Cinnabar, Serpent and Mess. The entire setting of the special event and Eirene's interrogation, however, also seem to point to a connection with Langley. Therefore, based on the existing Sinners to date and everything presented by the game until now, I have elaborated a bit on the other relevant Sinners which I think could have realistic connections to Eirene:
Mr. Fox: this one seems almost too obvious - no worthy business conglomerate is built without the assistance of competent legal counsel, in-house or externally hired. It seems to me that Mr. Fox and Eirene would have professional connections given the way Eastside is set up - Fox is regarded as an 'unbeatable' attorney (thanks to his powers), Eirene is someone willing to stop at nothing to achieve success; this is a combination that would be incredible for both of them. Although I'm exclusive with @svnsworn's Mr. Fox on this blog, I don't think there is a world where these two don't meet and are acquainted with each other.
Cinnabar: another one that is offered by canon content, particularly the comic strip about dispatches and which also makes sense when you read Cinnabar's profile - she was the best among the best group of elite security personnel. Eirene is powerful enough to merit her own security detail - and where bodyguards are concerned, she wouldn't settle for anything less than the best. I also headcanon that Eirene hires bodyguards as part of her 'cover' to keep her Sinner identity hidden - it is in her benefit for people to think she's just smart and not incredibly dangerous.
Serpent: this one is a curious connection - Serpent clearly states that she was invited to perform at Midsummer Night's Club given her incredible entertainment skills and talents - and going by the reaction of people attending the club's opening in-game, she is quite unique. I can definitely see Eirene committing to finding something remarkable that would set her latest business apart from others; but the entire thing with Serpent seems to suggest that she also engineered this in a way to test the MBCC directly. The Chief points this out, too - Serpent is another 'chess piece' for Eirene, but one she speaks of fondly (as a 'friend', a hardworking and vulnerable soul who she likes very much). At any rate, Eirene suggests that she would be willing to trade her 'friendship' with Serpent for something else (and 'turn' Serpent over to the Chief) - something that is in line with one of her profile lines, too. It's a curious thing: Eirene was interested in Serpent's abilities, enough to offer her a very shiny, large stage for her ambrosia experiments while simultaneously: a) testing the MBCC's Chief; b) gaining leverage/favors with the 9th Agency; and c) being able to face herself in a chess game to escape real life boredom.
Mess: I genuinely think Eirene and Mess are not connected directly despite what is shown during that part in the relevant Dreamy Bubble stage; I think it's an indirect thing through Serpent, with Mess serving as the supplier and acting away from Eirene's sphere of influence (Mess is never inside the club or in contact with her). To be very blunt - I don't think Eirene deems Mess to be important enough; she's a tool to enable Serpent's reach to grow and for her experiment to be done and is treated as such from Eirene's perspective.
Langley: Between Dreamy Bubble events and Eirene's interrogation, I am convinced that her relationship with Langley is an old one and that they're both aware of each other's real identities. Chronologically, the MBCC was already under the command of the 9th Agency by the time Dreamy Bubble events took place, and then at the epilogue, you can clearly see Langley by the window after being briefed by her agent saying 'Tell that company president that I said thanks, and… That I really liked her little gift.' I interpret the 'company president' being Eirene, who was able to prove something/give significant intel over to the 9th Agency (the results of the ambrosia incident); she was also not within custody of the MBCC at the time despite knowing who the Chief was, and outing herself as a Sinner during the episode. We can reasonably establish that Eirene turned herself in after Dreamy Bubble events (as per own profile), and then during her interrogation, managed to force the Chief's hand (and the 9th Agency) in such a way that ended up beneficial for her. In other words: it appears to be some form of collaboration between Langley and Eirene, or at least a cat and mouse game. They know a lot about things most people don't (i.e. Black Rings, how they work, Parma) and seem to be involved in ways that go beyond superficial interactions. They're both very strong in terms of mental capacity and corruption levels.
Other people that do not have anything in-game officially pointing to ties to Eirene but who could nonetheless have something built off common grounds and/or origins in Eastside would be:
Chameleon: I always thought that Chameleon seemed to target the type of people that Eirene would like to see removed from Eastside's economic landscape, not to mention that there is also a 9th Agency/Langley connection here that could also be invoked. Further, I personally headcanon Eirene to be resistant to Sinners of the catalyst tendency as further elaborated here - I don't think she would be hypnotized by Chameleon (or not nearly as easily as others are) and this could make their interactions decidedly more interesting. I do like to think they could have a shared agenda and be friendly with each other.
Ariel: given their interrogations, I don't think Eirene would be aware of Ariel on an individual level (particularly how Ariel stresses that she's not 'successful' by her parent's standards) but I do think Eirene would know of the Spencers, particularly if they are from old money and people that would either be relevant customers/partners of Eirene's ventures with Quinn. While there is room for them to meet, I'm not sure Eirene would make the effort to befriend Ariel unless she wanted something out of the other woman.
Chelsea: similarly to Mr. Fox, it seems very likely that their paths would overlap at some point given their lifestyles (both are shown to be adept of a comfortable, luxurious routine). If not before at Eastside, then certainly afterwards post detention. It's curious that there is a very insane amount of fanart of these two together; I cannot tell if it's meant to be romantic or not, but people tend to think these two are close and I definitely see the potential, particularly if their foundations go way back in time or if they collaborate in some way to disrupt old Eastside power.
These are some of the references that I may use in character when writing Eirene; but they can also be ideas to be further pursued/discussed with any mutuals who are interested in starting new interactions. :)
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platoapproved · 3 months
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And that's the end of it. There's nothing else.
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sanjiaftersex · 29 days
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Favourite pre-timeskip Sanji moments
These are a few of my favourite pre ts sanji moments
(1) Baratie arc when sanji served fresh food for don krieg despite everyone telling him that krieg was notorious for betraying people. Sanji still served the food because of his value of "feeding the hungry no matter what"
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(2) Sweet sanji preparing bentos for Luffy vivi and a special drink for Vivi's duck karoo so they can go explore the little garden island. Also packing and tying the lunches for the kids (luffy and karoo) by himself
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(3) water 7 Sanji following his principle of "never waste food" while fighting CP7's ramen guy wanze (who had a full ramen armour and sanji cut his armour up and served the ramens all in different plates around the kitchen)
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(4) thriller bark Sanji holding an unconscious nami up so she won't get injured while he takes all the hits from Absalom He's not just a simp, he genuinely cares for nami
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(5) water 7 Sanji smoking a cigarette while spying and finding out sensitive government information
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(6) Post enies lobby filler sanji crying throwing up stressing over finding out the right spices of a fried rice. He is a true chef at heart and has so much love for his craft
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(7) post skypiea filler G-8 arc sanji when someone says he is better than all of the navy chefs and sanji cutely offers to give his recipes to them. He is so cute kind and humble
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(8) sabaody sanji kicking the Celestial dragon knowing what'll happen and not giving a fuck anyway
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(9) skypiea sanji being all big smiles and happy while showing conis the bento he has arranged for her and telling them how arranging food is an art (look at the little winged angel he put there as a representation for conis who has wings)
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(10) Sanji leaving a message for nami in water 7, even in the dire situation they were in (usopp left, robin was abducted, they were all accused of murder) sanji being his usual cute loser self
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delusinaldreamer19 · 3 months
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Quick psa for everyone,
Writing fanfiction for black butler is actually super fun and a great time! You should do it!
More people should do it!
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skeletalheartattack · 2 months
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Subtitles below the keep reading:
Hey you, shut your mouth and look at my paw! DON'T FORGET!! [Incomprehensible sped up gibberish] This... Journey... Money... Loads of coins. [Incomprehensible sped up gibberish] What-about-her? What-about-her? ... What-about-her? 'She still like me? [Quiet but mostly incomprehensible gibberish about subtitles] O P S O P N O-1 1. Here's the spell: Love the mermaid, for sure! The mermaid is HAPPY! Okay! It's pretty normal for a fish, right? Guuuyyyssss, beeeee caaarefuuulll wiiiiith theeee GIIIIIRRRRLSSS!!! [Incomprehensible] Oh! Silly! Oh yes! Lamb chop boy! [Incomprehensible] [Very quietly, while white noise is playing over it] Goood eevening, aand weeelcome too the shoooowww... [In the background] Ohhh, mooney!
#video#elevenlabs#i generated three versions of this video and basically spliced together the best parts from each one into one thing#and also toned down the flashing of the red and white pound signs to be a lot slower#i'm honestly surprised how well everything spliced together. i was expecting it to be even a little bit noticeable but. nope apparently not#i did a few generations of meet the spy's intro and tried to splice together the best bits but theres just so much happening with the audio#there's a lot of funny portions of that audio. maybe i'll try again at it and see if i cant get the parts i like in one thing#truthfully i also don't know how much folks'll like these. as in compared to around the time the infomaniac stuff was made#so i'm not sure how much of these i'll be putting together and uploading. mostly just been fucking around and showing my friends#i'm mostly just intrigued to hear what the ai tries to say with some of these generations#since it's just trying to translate from one language to another#in this case. providing videos in english. and setting the translation from russian to english.#which seems to be the best thing so far (that i've tried) that causes more of the words being said to be off-script#like it'll usually most be like whats originally being said mostly but other times it's completely different from the source#i think this dub shows it best. between ''hey you. shut your mouth and look at my paw!'' and ''love the mermaid. the mermaid is happy!!''#i am also officially out of characters to generate more so i won't really be doing more than what i've already done for a while#i wanted to try and give it a video that plays backwards. flip that. then let it dub over it forwards.#but i'd have to wait until i get the character limit reset
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cozystars · 6 months
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So………this was an idea for a chilchuck amv/edit pt.2?? Using an earlier part of keep up but whatever
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ruvviks · 9 months
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Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.
by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays
#cp2077#edit:mikhail#edit:vitali#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing#whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier#you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly#but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined#they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again#and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you#and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain#sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!!#they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day#and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest#night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big#and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like#how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole#anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out
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zhongrin · 2 months
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I FINALLY MOVED OUT TO A NEW PLACE!!!
i'm absolutely exhausted and i still need to unpack so many things and i still need to buy a proper desk and restock my groceries & supplies and a do a whole lot of other things BUT i'm hoping to get settled in soon so i can get back to the creative endeavors™️✨
love yall, stay safe, take care, and good vibes 🫶🏻
#rin rambles#i dont want to bog this with negativity but i do want to share stuff so imma do it in a way that makes me look forward and not backwards#honestly this wasn't the place that i actually wanted and got excited for several months ago#i had to make adjustments because unfortunately the landlord was a huge red flag and i decided i didn't want to sign#and sure enough she never returned my security deposit of 1.5months until this day despite saying she would every day for like a whole mont#and though it is hard and devastating i don't want to potentially sabotage my own future so i've decided to not take any legal action#i just hope. that that money can be of use to her in some way. get her out of a tough spot perhaps#it was a struggle to get to this point of actually feeling fine letting go without breaking down but!!! it's fine. i'm fine#and karma will find a way if it was truly done out of purely malicious intention!#i'm closing that book and stowing it away lovingly into a shelf because if anything it was. a powerful lesson.#as much as it sucks. never. ever. trust a person when it comes to business or transactions. no matter how 'put together' they seem#always have everything on paper and never EVER pay something until they demonstrate that they can be trusted#anyway#the people helping me move today were super friendly and nice and it made my day!!#and so far i love love love the privacy so much. a bathroom all to myself? a kitchen countertop?? for myself??? that's so crazy#i had to battle thru cobwebs and (fored to) cured my arachnophobia by force /j#and there was a power trip unfortunately but overall everything seems nice! i would have liked having the room on a higher floor but ah wel#ough my back........... _(;3」 z)_
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fisheito · 4 months
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UNLOCKED SCORCHING SUN (sunburst fever) DANTE ! (Spoilers? Here is a short summary of my reactions):
-eiden i live for the cheesy things you say when you wanna bone someone. ehehehehe when the corny roleplay actually works too well🎶🎵
-oh um 😳 eiden getting himself off bygrinding against Dante's leg ahaha💦💦 ok uhhh 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦
- THE CONFUSED SPUTTERING WHEN EIDEN GETS SUDDENLY BLUE BALLED🤣🤣
-oh shir dante lore drop
-oh SGIT DAnte is working even harder than i thought just to make an equal society like,, dude,, that is sO MUCH to take on YOU ARE ONLY A BABY. BUT YOU TRY TO FIX CENTURIES OF INJUSTICE 😭
-aawwww...... gentle.....🥹
-DAMMIT EIDEN STOP BRATTING FOR 60SECONDS AAHHHHHAJAJAhaha oihh ahhhh
-dante is like the Grinch he doesn't know what the dokidoki in his chest is (.it's his heart) but. He'll get it one day
- they're cute 😭 and funny 😭😭 and eiden's "why do *i* have to go" is so... PETULANT i love them they're bickering idiots 🥳
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ah, correction*: why "THE HELL HAVE" i gotta go. to be fair, that is a mild reaction to dante suddenly cockblocking him from himself(?). yeah. selfish lover moment deserves at MINIMUM that amount of sass 🤣
#danei#you know i wondered what the official ship name is for them because dantei was my instinctive thought#but i guess that could be mixed up with someone just trying to type Dante and they made a typo#i guess danei in that case is more PURPOSEFUL. like YES i had to STOP before typing out dante's full name#i was used to seeing eiden all... understanding and gentle and sweet with yaku#that his dante dynamic knocked me slightly askew (positive)#i love being reminded of eiden's range... bc all his clan members are such different individuals......#of course he caters to them differently... so powerful and adaptable#i really just wanna swaddle dante and put him in a restful burrito like srsly that guy needs a break#a break where things will not fall apart without him and everything is fine and he learns to rely on others#honestly i don't know how he's not MORE pissed off all the time. if i had to deal with what he deals with daily...#murder spree. or catatonic learned helplessness. there will be no in-between#anyway i hope these two figure more things out together and help each other be stupid without consequence :)#i want them pushing and shoving each other in the fields like schoolkids and yelling the blandest insult comebacks at each other#too bad neither of them can use the “YOUR MOM” finishing blow#or maybe it's funnier... if they both learn to use “YOUR MOM” with perfect timing#that's when their relationship will be in their final form. strong and evolved. beyond mortal comprehension#nu carnival dante#enei
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istherewifiinhell · 2 months
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my computer is so mad at me.
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[ID: Digital art work of a landscape framed from just behind a lens from someone's glasses, light glaring from the sun. The person raises a pale arm, with a rolled up dark sleeve, to block the light. The lens flair obscures much, but the sun is peaking from behind some mountains, and cupped under the meat of the persons palm. There's a grassy field with a distant building. Closer, a fence, and young trees. There text in magenta and cyan, the other colour as drop shadow. Do you Hear ME NOW? with "Me now" in cyan, and all caps. END]
thing about me is that i do love to look into the sun.
without text under cut, incase you didnt want your mental illness walk emotional moment immortalized in art to reference the killing kind by marianastrench. for some reason.
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[ID: Textless version, you can see more foliage top left, and the black hoodie, bottom right. END]
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danthropologie · 7 months
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Daniel for GQ Australia (x)
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mokeonn · 4 months
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I think that the 2010's media landscape of Buzzfeed articles about plotholes in disney movies, Cinemasins critiques, and Watchmojo Top Ten scenes in movies that make no sense has truely ruined a lot of media. People are afraid that their work will be torn down if they dare leave a single thing up in the air, if they dare ask their audience to suspend their disbelief.
All too often nowadays I see stories (especially fantasy), take the time to explain how every small aspect of the world works and how it all logically makes sense. The constant time stopped to explain why an event happened, how this object works, or why this is important to the characters. It's just really not needed and it honestly makes a lot of stories worse.
I am of the opinion that the best stories truly just drop you into their world and explain nothing. They just take you through the story of this world and you just have to accept it and continue on. "When he became king, the land became barren." I don't want the story to stop and explain why this is, or how it happened, I want us to move on so we can just assume that the king has such rancid vibes that everything died.
#simon says#i watched the Last Unicorn again recently and it fucking slaps#and I noticed a huge part of why it slapped is because it doesn't explain shit#same with a lot of other fantasy things from the 70's and 80's I've noticed#and even older stories all the way back to fairy tales and fables#they just tell you something and move on#and it works!#a lot of the time it feels far too hand-holdy or immersion breaking for the characters to stop and explain something for the audience#like these characters would not take the time to explain the aspects of their world in detail to other people who live in this world#this is clearly for the audience only and so that they can feel more satisfied with an answer#but it fucking sucks!!#it is bad writing!!#to presume your audience has no suspension of disbelief so you stop everything to explain how the world works for them alone is bad!#it makes the story feel awkward because it feels out of character for the people of the world to talk like that and it feels insulting tbh#like you really think the audience's ability to pick up details of the world from dialog and onscreen (or page) information is that poor??#and to some extent it is#lord knows we are having a serious media literacy and general literacy issue in the United States#but it's honestly just bad writing and it bugs me so much. my number 1 pet peeve in fantasy is overexplaining especially when it doesn't fit#like just fucking tell me that there's a magical world on the other side of this wall in a village and move on#i can just accept this fact#imagine if the Dark Crystal took the time to explain every aspect of the world#that movie is already jam packed with random story and world bits that you just have to accept and move on from#now imagine if they took a solid 2 minutes to explain what the fuck Fizzgig is.#i think leaving it at 'he's a friendly monster and Kira's friend!' is the perfect place to leave it at#we do not need a full explanation on Fizzgig's species and behavior and why he's friendly unlike other monsters#he's a friendly monster and he's Kira's friend! that's all we need to know! we got a dark crystal to put back together!!!
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hecksupremechips · 6 months
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Shinjiham is cute when it’s romantic but tbh I think i vastly prefer the idea of them being best friends instead. Like, neither of them really saw it coming and weren’t really looking to get another best friend (Shinji has Akihiko, Kotone has Junpei and Yukari respectively) but it happens anyway. Kotone takes a liking to Shinji much faster than she does anyone else and I’d say a big reason is just the fact that he’s so reserved that it allows Kotone to do most of the talking while he just listens and they love this arrangement cuz Kotone doesn’t get to talk about her own interests very much. Though I think some of her needs to talk to Shinji stems from this insecurity that he isn’t happy in the group and she has this people pleasing problem and wants everyone to be happy so she makes a much bigger effort to talk to Shinji. And it’s very unfortunate because Shinji intentionally acts cold and distant because he doesn’t want to form any attachments because he wants to die soon, but aaaaaaaagh dammit this girl just keeps talking to him and being sweet and encouraging him to engage in his interests and share them with the others and he just can’t seem to say no when she’s got those damn puppy eyes. And Kotone is just able to get him out of his shell by being persistent but not in an overwhelming way, she’s very cheerful and supportive of him. And Shinji is able to offer her support by encouraging her to talk about herself and by making sure she’s taking care of herself. They just click really well and make such a positive dent in each other’s lives and it’s all about basic acts of kindness going a long way you know?
#persona#persona 3#kotone shiomi#shinjiro aragaki#i uh. probably didnt do much here to prove that their relationship is best when its platonic akjsks i mean idk how to convey it#that these two are just so good for each other but that im just not feeling it romantically#and why should i honestly like cant a guy and a girl just be platonic soulmates like me and jackie aljsks#plus i just have other ships with these characters i like better ahem akishinji and mitsuham yall already know#and i just feel really comforted by their relationship being best friends cuz it makes the pocket watch a lot more power of friendship#and it just. irks me the idea that its romantic love that saves shinji and its romantic love that gave him a will to live#cuz first off you can save him without romancing him and also like if you think kotone is the only person he wants to live for#youre just wrong like in fact its very clear in his social link that he feels this strong love for everyone#its literally like why other characters are so ingrained into his link he loves everyone and they love him back#its just kotone who organizes the time for them all to get together plus like idk when ppl say shinji only wants to live after romancing#kotone its like. well hes not gonna have a good time post coma then huh#and i suppose the point being made is he has to learn to live even if his gf isnt there but again like. shes not the only thing he has#idk i just hate this like pedestal romantic relationships are put on and i hate the implications that like#akihiko has been trying for years to protect shinji and his love doesnt matter cuz it isnt some heterosexual romance#grrrrr it just irks me is all and yeah i just think theyre besties who do everything together#kotone is like shinjis emotional support animal that guides him through the scary crowds and shinji is off putting enough to scare away the#meanies that come their way and they have a dress up montage and make cookies
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t-u-i-t-c · 6 months
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each episode ishiro wears a suit, but they are not all the same suit. if you look closely, you can see that they have color, pattern, and/or texture differentiation amongst them. while he may have worn a suit over at times, and will likely do so in the future note that they are not all the same.
episode 1: plaid suit - plaid is barely visible in most scenes but it is there
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episode 2: plaid suit - made from a different material from the other suits (possibly wool?)
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episode 3: plaid suit
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episode 4: pinstripe suit
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episode 5: plain/standard suit - seems to have stripes in some lighting however, but that may just be the material
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episode 6: plain/standard suit
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will have to revisit this after seeing more of his suits and looking into suit construction/fabrics/patterns further
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I’m remembering the Lovelace and Jacobi friendship thing they had going on the Urania and oufgh
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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