warcats-cat · 1 year ago
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Ok y'all. I'm mad.
See, Youtooz teased the mini plushies a while ago, and I've been super excited. But then, I realized they would probably be sold as blind boxes, which is annoying, but whatever. I figured I could buy a few and then find other fanders to trade with.
And THEN, I see the preorder page, and I see this shit.
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$29.99 USD. For ONE 6 inch plushie, that you don't even get to pick. Anyone remember how much the original 9 inch plushies cost? Because I do!
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What kind of ass backwards entitled bullshit is this?????? They really want to charge us almost $30 USD for MINIATURE plushies THAT WE DON'T EVEN GET TO PICK?????? AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO OFFER A "DISCOUNT" IF YOU BUY THE FULL SET OF FIVE FOR $100 USD.
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And look, I don't know or care if this is directly Thomas's fault. Maybe it's just Youtooz being a shitty greedy company. I remember the FNAF Sun and Moon plushies were $30 each. But those also had magnets in them, so you could pin them to your shoulders/bags/whatever and show them off; so I figured that's what caused the higher price tag.
It just astounds me that a creator like Thomas who claims to be so fan focused would agree to so much of a rip off. I really really hope for his sake and the sake of us as a fandom that this decision wasn't his, because it's gonna reflect really badly if it was.
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onedayimgonnasnap · 2 years ago
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The Demon Child
Court of Darkness X Child Reader/MC (same person)
There’s no specific gender for the reader it’s GN
.
.
.
.
.
It was a long day for you, you’ve just finished classes, riding Shifah that dragon and having to deal with Sherry's ‘Shipping Service.
She created that service a while ago because she was dying for students to get together plus romance in general.
She dragged you, Violet and Grayson to it. However… there hasn’t been much profit. Most of the pairings were of random fan girls wanting to get with the princes.
You suggested that it was gonna be a scam (because this was obviously an extremely hard pairing.)
Sherry didn’t listen and the whole academy was full of tears from both male and female students.
Soon you decided to head to your dorm for a nap.
When you opened the door you were greeted by Robin, your familiar.
Robin jumped in your arms with a cheerful voice.
“Welcome back Master!!”
“Well hello, Robin!”
Robin soon started talking about how fun his day was playing in the forest and trying new snacks however.
“Robin?”
“Yes?”
“What’s that on the table?”
There was this unfamiliar fruit on your bedside table, it was orange, shaped like a mango but had the pattern and texture of a pineapple and smelled like an orange.
Robin jumped out of your arms and jumped on the bed pointing at it with his paw.
“Me and Gruscha found it while playing in the forest. I thought if I brought it here for you it would help destress you master. “
Robin was so happy and proud of himself.
However it’s extremely dangerous eating anything in the forest you don’t know about.
What were the pro’s and con’s to eating it
Pro’s :
•50% chance of getting away from the princes if it results in death.
•Happy Robin.
•Fulfilling your curiosity.
Cons ‘d
•Sad Robin if you end up dying,
•Dying
•There might be a horrible effect that’s even worse than death-
The list of Con’s seemed to easily out weighed the pros.
After a couple of seconds of silence Robin’s ears fell back as well as his tail behind his legs and head down.
As soon as you saw it forgetting the list of consequences you grabbed the fruit.
“Let me go wash it and chop it up real quick ok?”
You fake smiled afraid of what you just signed yourself up for.
Robin immediately went into happy mode.
“Let me go with you, I would like a bite too!” Robin laughed as he ran right behind you.
‘Shit’ you thought. Originally you were just gonna throw it away and pretend you have eaten it but Robin unknowingly is peer pressuring you.
You both headed right into the kitchen. Unfortunately there were no students there to tell you off if it was a dangerous fruit.
You put the fruit in the sink and began washing it.
You began sweating and slowly washing it hoping Robin will become impatient and run off but nope he stayed there and watched patiently waiting.
You then pulled out a cutting board and a kitchen knife, then cut the skin off while chopping the actual fruit into pieces.
Slowly you put the fruit into the bowl and took a deep breath while Robin innocently watched the whole thing.
You grabbed one piece and finally took a bite out of it.
.
.
.
It taste really good? It was unexpected of it honestly, however you were complaining. Robin took a bite out of his piece and also started gushing over how good it taste.
However,
POOF
—————————————————————————
Rio and Thomas were walking into the kitchen to have a snack when they heard Rain screaming, and Child crying and smoke coming out of the kitchen.
Finally getting there, Thomas began to take off his coat and shoo the gas while Rio stopped to see a pile of clothes. Not just any clothes… you’re clothes.
“MC?! DID YOU DISINTEGRATE?!” Rio shouted in fear,
as Robin tried to explain the whole story but couldn’t get anything out due to how many tears were flowing out of his eyes.
Thomas was also panicking.
“LETS THROW OUT MC’S CLOTHES MAYBE THIS WILL GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE. I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL FOR A CRIME I DIDN'T COMMIT!” THOMAS CRIED
As they were all freaking out a baby came out of their clothes, not just any child, it looked oddly familiar with a certain someone.
“MC/MASTER?!” Rio, Robin and Thomas all shouted at the same time.
.
.
.
Confused at who these people were, you looked at all of them and cried. “I WANT MY MOMMY!!” You shouted in the most ear piercing voice you could ever imagine.
All the glass was shaking and in fear that it would break Rio picked up and wrapped you around his cloak carrying you away as you still were crying and banging your tiny baby fist against his chest.
———-
Finally giving you proper clothes Rio gave you his old baby clothes which seemed to fit you.
You had puffy eyes from all the crying and refused to look at him through pettiness that a strange man ‘kidnapped’ you.
“What do we do Rio?!” Thomas panicked using his inside voice hoping you wouldn’t hear or understand since he didn’t want anyone to think they kidnapped you.
“Relax, I'm gonna bring them over to the headmaster’s office!” Rio cheered over his genius idea. Robin dead panned because he felt like that was the most obvious plan to think of.
Rio soon walked over to you and tried picking you up to have you almost scream again. He immediately put his mouth over you just to have you bite him.
“OW.”
You got up and ran out of the room as fast as your tiny little legs could bring you screaming away.
“HELP-!”
.
.
Fenn and Violet were walking around campus.
Violet was nagging Fenn angrily decided against herself not to choke him to death while Fenn was trying to come up with a plan to escape her nagging.
Until. SMACK.
“Owe, my shin..”
He immediately looked down at the cause of his original pain.
“Aw, aren’t you a cute little thing-“
“Get out of the way ugly man!” You shouted as you pointed at him, then kicked him in the shins.
Fenn gasped jokingly offended at this and picked up by the armpits and made you look at him “You only had a bad angle on me. Now do you think of me-“
You then let out that horrible ear rape screaming of yours-
“AGHHHHHHHHHHHH LET GO OF ME UGLY MAN”
You started squirming around, kicking, punching, screaming and crying.
Fenn soon had tears in his eyes full of regret, but the crying soon stopped as; “Haha, Fenn looks like you met your match. You know you should grab a child out of nowhere like that.” Violet scolded him, soon taking you out of his arms.
You were silent as you stared at her. “Hewo pretty lady”
Violent soon then started babying you and squeezing you gushing about how cute and precious you are.
As Fenn cried, feeling heart broken.
“Wait a minute.”
“What Levy? Are you going to brag about how that adorable child likes you more?!” Fenn started almost bursting into tears.
“Well that would’ve been worth my time doing, but unfortunately no, don’t you think this baby looks familiar?”
Violet said as she looked at your chubby face that were full of tear stains from crying before.
“Now that you mention it… is that-“
“MC!”
Rio and Thomas started running towards them both in huffing for air due to running almost everywhere looking for you.
You then started screaming; “KIDNAPPERS- KIDNAPPERS!-“
“QUICK THOMAS GRABBED THE TAPE AND ROPE!” Rio yelled as Thomas ran towards Violet duct taping your mouth and tying your body.
“HA WE GOT EM.”
“WHAT'S GOING ON?!” Violet yelled out clearly concerned, looking at you like you were about to once again burst into tears like your last tantrum.
“Listen, Violet and Fenn. This is no ordinary child. It’s a demon child named MC.”
Thomas explained, finally happy that you were quiet and not causing any trouble.
“That still doesn’t explain what happened to MC.” Violet said, shaking her head.
“Actually, MC ate a cursed fruit in the forest.”
Headmaster Lou came over to see the commotion clearly amused over everything.
“Let’s make a meeting to discuss this with everyone however.”
.
.
.
“MC ate a fruit, Robin gave them. Cursing them to become a child for 3 days till bringing them back at midnight. They have no memories about us.”
“WHAT?!”
Everyone soon panicked.
Well.. MC is really cute. “Sherry said as Violet nodded her head in agreement looking at the gremlin child as it wiggled in the rope of its confinement.
“… Are we seeing the same thing?” Dia said in fear
“However, let's discuss a plan for those 3 days.”
Lance, Roy and I will have MC for day 1.
Guy, Fenn and Lynt have MC for day 2.
And lastly MC, Toa and Rio. For the final day.”
They all looked exhausted at the thing they must deal with.
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popculturebuffet · 8 months ago
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Thomas and Friends Retrospective: The Magic Railroad: The Workprint Cut (Comissioned by Lachie V)
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Previously on this blog:
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Also I may or may not have reviewed a bunch of Thomas the Tank Entine, cumilating in a look at the disasterous theatrical cut which you can find my barely coherent thoughts on that barely coherent film here. We haven't gotten the results back from the lab yet.
The Theatrical cut is so legendarily wonky I just.. coudln't leave it at that and feel like I gave the film a good shake. So I took on the arduous task of watching an unfinished workprint that I erronously said last time was on the blu ray. While the blu ray has some scenes from this version, the full workprint was leaked seperately and god bless those who did as it gives us something of a look at what this film was supposed to be. So join me under the cut as I see what this film WAS and if what it was was any good.. or at least comprehensible. After the nightmare of that last review i'll settle for "Makes sense from point a to b" that's the state we're entering this review at people. You've been warned.
The workprint of the Magic Railroad is interesting. This is the first workprint i've ever seen and thus the first i've ever covered on this blog. For those unaware, as I was before I googled it, a work print is an unfinished version of a film, with effects, adr and the soundtrack largely missing. So it was fascinating to see just how many pieces of the film, even things as simple as a line that LOOKED on screen are put into place after the fact. Film Editors don't get enough credit.. plenty of blame when it's earned but not enough credit and this made me respect them all the more.
That said watching a prototype of a finished film i'd seen.. was a lot. It seems easy, the effects just aren't there right? Well it's not just visual effects: it's SOUND effects. The only sounds are either ADR from the various crew member and anything on camera. And said ADR is not from the actors yet but various voices i'd never heard before and also Britt Alcroft. It's fair and I don't blame the cut for it, this wasn't MEANT to be viewed by anyone but editors. It's just hard on my autisim: whlie i'm functional and can handle sensory changes normally in a film, having there be no sound where their clearly should be in a lot of places... was just weird. I KNOW why it's not there, and usually my mind fills in the gaps but for some reason here it just felt extra off when an explosion or heavy digging happened with no sound. It's just this freaky effect and it took some time to get through it as a result, not helped by me only realizing what was really throwing me off towards the end of the film.
I can't recommend this cut as a film.. because it's not finished nor was it intended to be a finished product. It's not really something for bad movie night like it's theatrical cousin. As an interesting artifact of this film and Thomas as a whole though, I am delighted it exists as it fills in a LOT of the gaps and is complete enough I can judge what aspects were cut by their own merits.
Let's start with the big one, the most infamous and curious of the bunch: PT Boomer, played by Doug Lennox who realizes exactly what kind of film he's in and hams it up accordingly. Boomer is one of the films big bads... and was almost entirely cut from the theatrical cut, with only one brief scene that was redubbed, a scene so plot important and load bearing I forgot it even happened.
PT Boomer is all about
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Wanting to make profit off things. That's.. about what we get. Seriously we have two seperate scenes where one of the kids asks Billy then Stacey about boomer.. and they just say essentially "He's greedy and wants to buy everything" without ever clarifying who he is, what he does for his BUISNESS, or what his goals are beyond "profit off a magical lady train he broke in the past." I am so sad he got cut as while he woudln't of made the film much better, he is so bad it's good glorious: even in this his plans literally boil down to
KIDNAP MAGIC LADY TRAIN FOR REVENGE
?????
PROFIT
It's still not much above Disel's plan that just replaces kidnap with kill and profit with "become train king". It is funny though and gives this guy a leg up.
The most we get is his backstory with Burnett, Lily's grandpa who gets fleshed out considerably in this version. In the original his backstory was just "diesel nearly killed this train I found and my wife never got to ride her" which is prettty damn thin and even before the workprint cut I could tell something was missing.
The actual backstory is still as thin as a sheet of paper covered in bacon grease, but it's at least.. something: He swored to take her on a ride but before he could Boomer, who had also wanted to bang Lily's grandma but lost out to burnett because well evil I guess, found her and threatned burnett if he didn't let him drive the train. He ended up driving too fast, making this a dramatic version of that trampoline scene from community.
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I've tried not to use youtube videos as the thumbnail takes up the link but it really is just this exact moment but with trains and a dead wife.
We also get a minutes long montage of Burnett dancing with his wife. it adds nothing to the plot and is one of the cuts i can absolutely see why it happened. We also get a scene of Stone and Lily having dinner where he says I don't like trains.
Another change as a result is that the big cave scene with Patch.. is towards the end. In the thetrical cut we get 80 gallons of train expoision while the workprint at least plays it as a mystery: a whistle is heard in the mountain and instead of finding out what it is seconds after we hear it, it's played up the whole film. IT's a much better fit and I question why this was changed at all.
That also goes for Boomer. I went back and checked and. .he's not really IN the movie that much. He shows up, meances a bit, hams it up and leaves. He spends most of the film either trying ot find stone, buy shining time for some reason, which makes mr conductor's visions of an apocalypse make far more sense, and the rest trying to dig his way to the hidden railway then blow everything the fuck up when that dosen't work out. Keeping him in.. really wasn't going to hurt the film and I don't really buy reports "he scared children". The evil brother of the attention all gamers guy isn't going to be in any child's nightmares.
Cutting boomer also makes the non lily or coked out conductor characters feel more suplerfous as it turns out the original cut had way mroe for them to do. Not a lot, but still more. Patch has a horse.. which WAS in the theatrical cut but I did not notice. Probably because he's also lacking his sweet cowboy hat... it's like taking away knuckles cowboy hat from the sonic ova: you take away the source of his powers. Billy likewise gets a scene with boomer and a scene getting a warning. He still dosen't DO much but I feel bad for clowning on his actor last time: Russel Means is actually a wonderful billy replacement. He's not as good as Tom Jackson is in the role, but he's still pretty neat but in the theatrical cut he's there for all of two seconds and seemed a lot stiffer. That was really the editing's fault not him as he has billy's laidback charm and wise nature down pat. Stacey also gets an extra scene, though she still got PLENTy in the theatrical. Cutting this plot was unfair to the actors involved and their screentime and especially douchey to Doug Lennox, who put in a great performance. .that got cut entirely.
To my shock though the mass cuts... really aren't responsible for the film being pretty hard to parse. The workprint cut IS legible at least as a few confusing bits are explained: instead of wanting to kill all trains disel wants to conquer them, and he's unaware Lady is connected to the magic, meaning he GENUINELY dosen't realize he dies if he destroys her. So instead of stupid his plan comes off as dangerous and just the right amount of sinister for a preschool film instead of
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We also get clarifcation on the "My Universe" thing. The narration for the work print still referes to it as mr. conductor's universe.. but they actually explain what the hell they were saying with that: The various mr conductors built this universe. Granted
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Unlike the theatrical though, I can at least accept that answer: the mr conductors do have godlike powers and it makes Mr Conductor speaking with authority on his power loss possibly killing him less ass pully: it makes sense they'd pass this shit down through generations and makes sense Mr C Junior wouldn't know it as he's a fuckwit.
It makes the film less maddening.. but it dosen't change the fact this new lore is just kinda jammed in there, a square train in a round station house. The lore still dosen't make a ton of since even for a film for small children, and again thei rparents and possibly older siblings still have to watch it with them so why punch down. All punching down did was get parents to cave and go take their kids to see X-Men or Pokemon 2000 instead, both much better movies. Especailly pokmeon 2000. Fuck I really need to cover both of those don't I.
It also dosen't explain simple shit like "Why does lady tie the two universes together" and "after being in a coma for so long why is magic just fading now". It's still at the end of the day an overcomplicated mess that creates it's own weird lore never to be used again that no one vibed with because even for the stupid train children show it was baffling instead of fairy tale style like they were going for.
The other scenes cut are far more understandable: that dance scene I mentiond went on to long and we get a brief prologue of Lily in the big city and the reason behind the fire escape line. It's.. nothing we honestly needed mostly Mara wilson wistfully starring outside a train.. which is adorable but dosen't really move the plot along.
So that leads us to the final cut and the final change worth talking about between versions: the voice actors. Like with boomer the executives tried overcorrecting to test audience complaints. They dont' like one of the villians? Cut him out entirely. They don't like the voices for some of the characters? replace the bitches! Yeah originally Thomas was voiced by John Bellis, Percy and James by Thomas UK narrator Micheal Angellis, Splatter and Dodge by Patrick Breen, and Disel 10 by Keith Scott.
Unlike with removing boomer I get most of these edits: Unlike boomer I completely buy that D10 scared children as Keith Scott's voice for him is terrifying.. though the terror is undrecut by the adr version of him sounding like Lumpy Space Princess. It's a great voice and I feel bad for Scott.. but it is a bit too scary> Granted they coudl've just.. worked with him to find another voice as they had before (He tried a russian voice before this that was apparently even creepier), so it's shitty they fired him and everyone here instead of simply recasting them or giving them something else.
LIkewise I love MIcheal Angellis and having him voice cameo was a good idea.. but they shoudl've had him do Henry instead. His voice works when he's narrating every character.. but I get why having an old gentleman voice for Percy and James, both younger engines dosen't quite work. Granted unlike with D10, where his replacement got the tone better, making Percy and James small children dosen't fix the problem. Their youthful not 8. Stupid Train Children is not that literal a term.
Thomas on the other hand.. was fine: he sounded youthful, had a nice plesant voice and I honestly prefer it over the final cut voice with Eddie Glenn. Glenn isn't bad.. but Bellis just got the character better. Splatter and Dodge are also way better and the film does a far better job conveying thier reluctant minon status and making them humorous foils to dissel.
So all in all the Work Print version is a better film.. but only by comparision. It has some good stuff that was cuts and the edits done were mostly moronic but it's still a film that alternates between boring and WHAT THE FUCK. it just explains more, which helps with the latter
The Magic Railroad in either film is a film that tried to cram way too much shit in. It tried so hard to escalate thomas to save the world level shit when that just .. dosen't scale with either Thomas and Friends or Shining Time Station. Both are about small scale problems in small slice of lifey places: a cozy british isle and a whimsical train station. Their biggest issues are dickheads like Disel and god emperor or schemer. You could've had thomas go on a treasure hunt to save the rail way or shining time or both. Maybe Schemer is trying to buy the failing railway. I mean if their going to go with the skeezy buisness douche cliche at least make it the guy you already have who would defintely do that if he could. Give him Boomer as a boss if you want. It keeps the tension, the two worlds element and mr c going back and forth as he could've taken Mara Wilson to shining time to go on the hunt to save the station. Give her an attachment to it. Make Burnett stone a conductor. You don't have to throw everything out, but simply lowering the stakes would've made this a more coherent film. I"m not sure how GOOD it woudl've been bu tit would've been a better Thomas Movie, a better shining time movie and something people would've actually wanted to see.
Instead it's a mess that changed Thomas as a whole, with Britt's failures here leading to her stepping down and eventually the company being purchased by HIT. But more on that another time for now we can put this train to bed. These reviews have been exausting as I don't want to be negative but these films, both cuts, are hot garbage. one just makes more sense. Hopefully if the proposed thomas film goes through they get it right... until then all we're left is a mess of what could've been and alec baldwin on cocaine.
Next Time: Turns out there is one as we have a new plan. I'll be covering season 6 sometime later this year, season 7, then teaking a break while Lachey figures out the rest of the schedule and I cover venture bros seasons 4b- the end. Thanks for reading
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bloodpotency · 1 year ago
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I'm going to rank my favourite 5E clans and explain why under this cut
1. Tzimisce
Simply excellent all around. Interesting powers, interesting clan history, fun social-political dynamics to explore and a debilitating enough clan bane to come up with ways it might affect a person psychologically over time. A lot of my tzimisce characters explore the idea of "home" and belonging as well as the horrifying nature of having your brain rot from the inside not just from the beast but from even more innocuous toxic thought patterns like claiming ownership of friends. It must be so challenging to be a tzimisce and remain human, which is wonderful for storytelling and character studies. My only regret with this clan as a DM is that I'm committed to them seeming rare in my setting so there aren't many characters I can write.
2. Ventrue
They are, imo, the funniest clan. All I need to do is show you LaCroix and you understand. Though I can understand also why people think they are annoying for the reasons I find them hilarious. Let me pitch you this: my beloved Ventrue OC, Thomas, is a loser tech bro boyfailure who is entitled to everything and is regularly punished. He was sired illegally, swept under the rug and forced to associate with anarchs cuz no one else will take him. I never understood the beauty of misfortune comedy before I was introduced to Ventrue. It's all about the narrative framing.
3. Lasombra
Similar to Ventrue (obviously) but they have sexy evil Eldritch darkness powers. What's not to love. I recently read through the clanbook in its entirety with my partner and the way they are all so comically villain-like in how they conduct clan business it rivals the Tremere clan. I love their drama and their aesthetic. Their only ding is that you have to ignore a lot of awkwardly handled racism (to show how evil they are!) from the canon leader characters. I'll have to read Chicago by night soon and hope it handles it fine.
4. Nosferatu
You can't go wrong with a bunch of fucked up looking monster dudes. Nosferatu get a ton of points for how creative you can be with their character design, similar to tzimisce. I also really love how they are probably among the least-toxic clans to be a part of, so it's just as easy to write wholesome character dynamics as it is to write messed up ones. As a DM, they are also great utility characters that can write you out of a lot of corners. Need information? They literally just collect it for fun and profit. It's free world building and plot hook real estate.
5. Malkavian
Now listen... I know Malkavians have the obvious drawback of being frequently portrayed as mean-spirited caricatures of mentally ill people. However... If you are mentally ill yourself, writing one that is a respectful exploration of your struggles is really cathartic. Beyond that, though, my favorite part of the Malkavian experience is the cosmic horror element. I love how their antideluvian is some unknowable incorporeal being that connects all of them. I love unknowable mind breaking horror! And I love their utility as well. If your player is a Malkavian attuned to the cobweb, you can just speak to them as the Storyteller for free basically. It's great fun.
6. Tremere
Wizards.
...
Clan lore is good too. The rigid structure of the clan is good for making a world with a Chantry nearby feel larger and more powerful. Also I guess it's pretty fun that they can do real magic.
7. Toreador
They're kinda mid to me. I don't dislike them but a lot of what makes them unique in WOD is just normal typical vampire fluff in other media. They're seductive, romantic, artistic, yeah whatever. These things gotta be subverted or executed flawlessly for me to be invested so Toreador neither wins nor loses. It doesn't help that their 2/3 of their 5E disciplines are ones I find kinda boring in practice (Celerity, Auspex).
8. Hecata
Carried almost entirely by how funny I find the Giovanni clan, stands low-mid tier Hecata clan. It's sad how much this clan/clans got butchered in 5E. It suffers most clearly from WOD's desire to not "retcon" things in Vampire. Clan lore is non-existent because they tried to just mash a bunch of clans together and pretend like it makes sense and created what sounds like the most boring traits of all of them to be the default. Points for potential, and the ability to carry on playing as if you are simply one of the original clans that made up this one.
9. Gangrel
Even though by all means I should be into Gangrel, they still end up being kinda mid for me. They fulfill a similar niche that either Tzimisce, Nosferatu or actual werewolves could fill just as easily. There's nothing wrong with them, the things I see in them are just done better by other clans in my opinion. They become forgettable to me and I'm gonna have to will myself to make some more cuz it would make sense for my home game!
10. The Ministry
I think they could be very interesting. I think it's silly and goofy that one of their clan traits is "wants to make you evil", that's good for comedy. And the vibe they have is good. I love a good cult, I love snakes... But I don't know if I find the whole Followers of Set thing to be compelling unless I missed some lore about how Set has adapted in the modern world. Maybe it could be cool if Set was the Wyrm or whatever. The Ministry is good for plot devices but I don't know how interesting they are as characters otherwise.
11. Brujah
I admit I'm biased on this one. I think it's kinda sad that in "modern" day, the time period most vtm games are run, Brujah are just stock angry countercultural guys. They're set up to be protagonists of a story against corrupt leaders and...nothing else. The clan doesn't give you much to work with. Strong fast and sexy guys with their three disciplines and basically zero clan structure (I miss VTM Redemption philosopher Brujah) does aesthetic). Every good Brujah character is good because of their writing and gets no shortcuts from being Brujah.
12. Ravnos
The last two clans get like. Negative points for the racism baggage they were born with all the way back in the earlier editions. I think Ravnos has a bit more interesting clan lore (what with their antediluvian wiping them out in recent-ish canon memory) but it takes a lot of conscious effort to make a character that isn't an uncomfortable appropriation of nomadic culture stereotypes.
13. Banu Haqim
It's difficult to ignore how their clan bane used to be THAT... And the whole fact that their clan lore, to this day in 5E continues to struggle to untangle itself from islamic extremist stereotyping. Saying "oh the extremists are just the evil faction of this clan now!" doesn't really cut the level of how bad and uncomfortable and disrespectful this clan was. I am not equipped to write a character of this clan that does not exist entirely separate from its lore. You get no favors from Banu Haqim.
My thoughts on caitiff and thin bloods are separate, and I can't really put them on a numbered list due to how they feel like separate entities entirely in vampire. Might make a separate post?
Thanks for reading! Remember all the above content is just my opinion and I am a DM who makes ocs, I haven't actually been a player in this game as of me writing this. I'm sure it shows lol
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bluepoodle7 · 1 year ago
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#CerealMascot #JohnDoeGame #Househuntedgame #CerealFlavors #MyQuestion
I wonder if John Doe and the other Realtors were cereal mascots. What flavor would be their cereals and what would be their catchphrase?
Housing Crisis Crunch would be a guess for the Realtors.
John Doe's Molar Munch and it's like crunchy sweet cereal similar to Honey Smacks and Golden crisp but shaped like teeth and is vanilla.
Still trying to figure out what Housing Crisis Crunch will taste like.
My guess is cookies and cream or smores maybe a mix of both.
Maybe rocky road flavored.
The cereal box is plastic while also house shaped that keeps the cereal inside.
You have to open the door of the cereal box to get the cereal out.
I got the commercial for the Housing Crisis Crunch Cereal.
Like it starts out as those kids cereal commercial where a Realtor is chasing a buyer road runner style then a voice appears like a narrator and says "Are you tired of the buyer rat race?"
Then the Realtor says "Yeah my lure is body aching me something fierce and I'm hungry."
Then narrator would say "Try Housing Crisis Crunch and you will be lured in by the flavor."
Then the Realtor eats by the mouth of the lure body but then the camera cuts to a Realtor eating it the natural way by the floor.
The Realtor says "This almost helped me curb my human craving." "Almost.." And stares down the camera with a hungry look.
Then it cuts to the Realtor successfully catching the buyer and eating them then the camera distorts.
Then the commercial ends with mini mystery Realtor figures that connects the plastic lure cord to the plastic house shaped cereal box.
The common one is the #1 Realtor and the rarer ones are the more obscure ones.
It's like the cereal commercial company was taking pictures of all the Realtors in the valley to make merch of them without them knowing and getting full profit.
I image the house shaped cereal boxes to be similar to the Puppets cereal that Disney had mixed with a dollhouse.
And the Littlest Pet Shop Digital Pets Electronic Toys.
----------------
The cereal opens from the house doors once the metallic foil cereal bag is opened.
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Speaking of foil, who remembers corn pops in that foil bag? : r/nostalgia (reddit.com)
What it sounds like inside the commercial building.
Music not mine but link is there.
Thomas Clausen - Bio Rhythm No. 6 - YouTube
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I was thinking about the Work District part of the Uncanny Valley and that the commercial and tv show half are like surveillance and keep up with everyone.
Kind of like ad companies trying to be hip and make memes to sell you stuff while taking information to use for later.
Themed Realtor's
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I wonder if there is a vampire realtor that is a gothic house body.
Do they still do the vampire rules when entering buildings or house?
@d4ff0d1l14 helped.
Images not mine but links are there.
Kellogg's Bigg Mixx cereal commercial (1990) - YouTube
Littlest Pet Shop Digital Pets Iguana Electronic Toy Hasbro Toys - ToyWiz
KAWASONY Best Quality Double Doll House With Furniture For Kids - Best Quality Double Doll House With Furniture For Kids . Buy Doll house toys in India. shop for KAWASONY products in India. | Flipkart.com
Disney’s Forgotten “Puppets Cereal” Commercial | (cartoonresearch.com)
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theologicalphysics · 2 years ago
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Ok, actually, I have an idea! What if the ghosts are bound to the boundaries of the place where they died WHEN they died. So Robin's territory mostly overlaps with Button House, but is actually bigger than the rest of their territories? And Mary and the Plague ghosts who were from the Village can go all the way to the village? Plague ghosts stay where they are because thats where their pit is, and Mary hasn't gone back to the village since they killed her. The German pilots died in a plane and they stay where that plane was when they died.
I fully support this theory and in that case I'm going to explain the bit in 3x06 where the main cast ghosts are all blocked at the gates as being that all the different generations' boundaries end at the gates on that side of the property.
In Robin's day there was a river there, which formed the natural boundary to his hunting grounds. The river itself dried up as the climate changed, but the river bed cut a straight line through the landscape and got used as the basis of a Roman Road from leading from London to Verulamium. (Since we know from 02x01 that Button House is canonically in Hertfordshire.) The road fell into disrepair after the fall of Rome, but it was still the quickest way to London. In the early Middle Ages it received a royal pavage grant and funds were raised for the road to be restored using taxes gathered by the bailiffs and goodmen of the neighbouring village. The additional taxation wasn't popular, but the road was in decent condition again by the time Mick the plague ghost takes for his ill-fated trip to London in 02x02. Of course post-plague the road started to become worse for wear again. Road repair was typically funded by taxation within nearby parishes, which meant a lack of funds when the pit crew's village disappeared. When populations began to rise again in the centuries following the black death, there was a lot of resentment by those living on the Bone estates (echoing similar resentments throughout England) that local residents were entirely on the hook for the upkeep of roads which were being damaged mostly by intercity travellers who were just passing through.
Good guy Humphrey decides to try and fix this by getting a special permission to levy a toll on usage of the road. If he invites Henry VIII to Bone House, the king will have personal experience of the poorly maintained road outside the house. If everything else about the visit goes well, then the king will be in the mood to grant favours - like an act of parliament allowing the Bone family to administer a special toll relieving the financial burden on the local residents and therefore also on the Bones themselves.
Humphrey spends loads of money on making the visit as lavish as possible, only to be stymied by a particularly indigestible swan which meant there was never a good time to ask about the road, as the king spent most of the visit in the privy as mentioned in 01x04.
In Mary's time, the road had become a full-fledged turnpike and it was a great relief to her and her husband that what had previously been funded by local taxation was now being funded by the travellers themselves. (Although, in later years, the sharp-tongued Annie would point out to Mary how the grift and hypocrisy of the various toll farmers had contrived to make big profits for a few wealthy men, at the expense of locals attempting to take their good to market.) In Kitty and Thomas's day the more wooded areas of the road are used by highwaymen who will rob travellers in secluded areas then make off across open country to avoid being identified or apprehended at the toll gates. There's a certain amount of tension about this between Thomas, who believes the highwaymen to be unscrupulous ruffians and Kitty who has a more romanticised view. They spend quite a lot of time arguing about it, despite neither of them having any personal experience with highwaymen and being forced to rely on the same second-hand accounts to give weight to their arguments.
Meanwhile Robin learned early on that a far corner of the Higham House grounds adjoins the woodland area where the highwaymen operate. He, Mary and Annie spend time watching the highwaymen operate and get to know them quite well. They'll critique the delivery of the line "your money or your life" and sometimes place bets on the success of the various stick-ups. (These two plot threads are woven together when one of the highwaymen tries to avoid detection by taking a shortcut across the Button House grounds. Robin, Mary and Annie chasing after him on foot, while Kitty and Thomas come out of the house to see what all the fuss is about. Subsequently, Thomas begins looking more kindly upon highwaymen after learning that this one had successfully robbed his killer. Meanwhile Kitty sours on them after having one callously ride his horse directly through her.)
In Fanny's lifetime, the laws change so that English roads begin to be funded by a tax on individual vehicles rather than local residents or tolls. We know from 03x07 that she's got a good head for business and despite disapproving of these newfangled motorcars, she can see there's a profit to be made. She urges George to invest in the new motorcar manufacturer, Daimler, but he doesn't act on her advice in time to turn a profit. Fanny's annoyance about this is increased tenfold when she discovers, post-mortem, that the reason that dreadful Chetwynde family from next door had been doing so well financially was that they'd overheard her advice back then and had - unlike her useless lump of a husband - actually listened to her.
Daimler was subsequently sold to the Birmingham Small Arms company and the Captain's work on weapons development introduced him to a variety of their engineers as the company diversified into everything from bicycles to machine guns to aeroplanes. He used to ride a BSA motorcycle along the road outside Button House. (One of those old Roman roads, you know? Straight shot practically to Saint Albans, so you could really open up the throttle and see what the old girl was capable of. Terrific stuff!) Obviously, this simple pleasure is taken from him after his untimely death means that both his beloved BSA Gold Star and his ability to access the road in question are permanently beyond his reach.
Pat died during a time of historically high vehicle ownership, historically low fuel prices and worrying news reports about what the lead in petrol might be doing to the health of the nation. Japan had just passed a law banning its use and there are rumours that Britain might follow suit. Obviously Pat wants Daley to grow up healthy in a world where he can enjoy the outdoors, but bleeding Nora, he's not long bought a new car! Getting a catalytic converter added to the Datsun and then having to pay for fancy petrol... well it's not going to be cheap, is it? He's not sure about the price implications for multiseater vehicles and whether the scouts would be better off buying or renting for future outings if the new laws come in. He had a post-it on the dashboard of the minibus reminding him to look into the costs. It's in his line of vision as he dies. Just one more task he never got done.
The new laws are fully in place by Julian's time, albeit breathtakingly unpopular with his constituents. BSA sold Daimler to Jaguar in 1960 and are now responsible for Julian's most treasured possession. Like the Captain, Julian enjoyed pushing his vehicle to the limits on the old Roman road outside of Button House. It's a shared commonality they might have bonded over, except Julian decides to share that his drive had been enlivened by a line you could have marked the pitch at Wembley with and a mid-journey blowie from a blonde named Antonia.
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pajama-nerd · 1 year ago
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Podcasting
I started listening to The Black Tapes.
I applaud their success.
The story itself seems to be going to very interesting places.
The pace and the writing are painful to endure.
And let me interrupt myself to acknowledge that my opinion means absolutely nothing. The story is finished, and also, who the fuck cares, but dear god. As a person with ADHD, having to listen to the inane back and forth filler that could have been cut in order to tell a story is agonizing.
I regularly have to pause the podcast to gird my loins to deal with inane, unnecessary filler to a story that could be going much more smoothly, much more quickly.
Some examples:
From Episode 2, Season 2
ALEX: Hello. STRAND: Hello. ALEX: Dr. Strand. STRAND: Yes. ALEX: How- are you okay? STRAND: I’m calling for an update. Did you manage to find anything about Coralee? ALEX: Where are you? STRAND: I don’t have much time. ALEX: Are you sure you’re okay? STRAND: Please? Coralee. ALEX: Okay, well, Nic was able to dig up a few things on Thomas Warren. STRAND: Yes. Good. ALEX: Well, I’m not sure about good. It turns out he’s something of an enigma. He’s worked as a lobbyist on both sides of the environmental issue, climate change and energy mainly. He splits his time between San Francisco, London, and Seattle, but he’s often…well, he travels a lot. STRAND: Were you able to find a connection between him and Coralee? ALEX: Not directly, but there was something. STRAND: What? ALEX: Nic was able to find the name of a company. STRAND: What company? ALEX: The company that paid for your residency in Seattle. STRAND: They’ve paid for me to lecture in the past. There’s nothing there. ALEX: Well…that’s not exactly true. STRAND: No? ALEX: No. The not-for-profit company listed on your schedule of employment isn’t actually the company of record, that must have been a misprint. STRAND: Unlikely. ALEX: Well, then somebody did their best to cloak the entity that was actually paying for you to be in Seattle. STRAND: What entity? ALEX: Well, that’s where it gets a bit complicated. STRAND: How? ALEX: So, Nic tracked down the name of the company and the bank they used to pay the university. STRAND: And? ALEX: And that led him down a rabbit hole through a maze of corporations. He was trying to connect everything to Deva Corporation. STRAND: That’s Thomas Warren’s company? ALEX: One of them. Yes. STRAND: But he couldn’t make the connection? ALEX: No. But he was able to find a physical address for one of the companies, the shipping arm of an import/export firm. It’s in Seattle, so I’m going to check it out as soon as I get back. STRAND: I don’t think I’ll be able to get to Seattle. At least not for a few days. You’ll let me know what you find. ALEX: Yeah, of course. (long pause) ALEX: Hello? Dr. Strand? STRAND: I’m sorry, I have to go.
This exchange takes so much longer than it needs to. Like, yes, we want this to be a dialogue and not a lecture of exposition, but this is what over-correction looks like.
It is not necessary to interrupt the exposition every sentence to get acknowledgement from the listener. Like, on the surface, it looks like active listening. The Listener is part of the conversation.
Except that Active Listening is not just the *acknowledgement of* what the Speaker has said, it's *interaction with* what the person has said, and in the case of a narrative, that interaction has to be both relevant and meaningful, which almost none of this is.
Here's a quick and dirty edit:
ALEX: Hello, Dr. Strand? STRAND: Yes, hello. ALEX: How- are you okay? STRAND: I’m calling for an update. Did you manage to find anything about Coralee? ALEX: Where are you? STRAND: I don’t have much time. Please? Coralee. ALEX: Okay, well, Nic was able to dig up a few things on Thomas Warren. It turns out he’s something of an enigma. He’s worked as a lobbyist on both sides of the environmental issue, climate change and energy mainly. He splits his time between San Francisco, London, and Seattle, but he’s often…well, he travels a lot. STRAND: Were you able to find a connection between him and Coralee? ALEX: Not directly, but there was something. Nic was able to find the name of the company that paid for your residency in Seattle. STRAND: They’ve paid for me to lecture in the past. There’s nothing there. ALEX: Well…that’s not exactly true. The not-for-profit company listed on your schedule of employment isn’t actually the company of record, that must have been a misprint. STRAND: Unlikely. ALEX: Well, then somebody did their best to cloak the entity that was actually paying for you to be in Seattle. STRAND: What entity? ALEX: Well, that’s where it gets a bit complicated. Nic tracked down the name of the company and the bank they used to pay the university. And that led him down a rabbit hole through a maze of corporations. He was trying to connect everything to Deva Corporation. STRAND: That’s Thomas Warren’s company? ALEX: One of them. Yes. He couldn’t find the connection, but he was able to find a physical address for one of the companies, the shipping arm of an import/export firm. It’s in Seattle, so I’m going to check it out as soon as I get back. STRAND: I don’t think I’ll be able to get to Seattle. At least not for a few days. You’ll let me know what you find. ALEX: Yeah, of course. (long pause) ALEX: Hello? Dr. Strand? STRAND: I’m sorry, I have to go.
This is much shorter, cuts out all the unnecessary interaction, saves time on chatter so we can get to the actual story, and doesn't make my brain feel like it's been dipped in acid.
Here's another, just two episodes later:
Episode 4, Season 2:
Nic: This was posted to a rather popular online forum. Alex: Okay, what is it? Nic: It's a countdown timer. Alex: (long pause) Oh...kay. Nic: Well it began as hexadecimal code, and when you converted that to text there was a URL that led to the countdown timer. Alex: Oh. Okay. Nic: It's counting down. Alex: Counting down to what? Nic: It's counting down from April 23rd, 2015 at 3:15 PM, to April 23rd, 2016 at 3:15 PM. Alex: Okay, that's pretty specific. Nic: It certainly is. Alex: And any idea what might be significant about that date? Nic: I don't want to say it out loud. Alex: Uh, what is it? Nic: Well, I feel like a conspiracy nut. Alex: Yeah, but now I'm really interested. Nic: (laughs) Okay, well. Alex: Jesus Nic, you're starting to freak me out a little here. Nic: Okay, well, it's not just a date. It's actually the time as well. Alex: Okay, what about it? Nic: April 23rd at 3:15 PM. Alex: Yeah! So... Nic: It's the exact date and time we heard The Unsound for the first time.
Why.
Why?
There's no reason to draw it out like that I suspect it may have been for suspense, but it did not instill in me a sense of dread, it made me want to tear my hair out because it was so unnecessary! Nic: This was posted to a rather popular online forum. Alex: Okay, what is it? Nic: It's a countdown timer. Alex: (long pause) Oh...kay. Nic: Well it began as hexadecimal code, and when you converted that to text there was a URL that led to the countdown timer. Alex: What's it counting down to? Nic: It's actually counting down *from* April 23rd, 2015 at 3:15 PM, to April 23rd, 2016 at 3:15 PM. Alex: Okay...what's the significance of that? Nic: Well... I don't know what the significance is to whoever posted it, but...I mean, that is the exact time and date that we heard the Unsound for the first time. Boom. Fixed.
Guys.
If people have to fucking struggle to get through each episode just to get to the point of your story?
You're doing a bad job.
At this point, I feel like the mystery is going to unravel and the only thing I'm going to be able to focus on is how much sooner we could have gotten there if they hadn't wasted so much time on bad formatting and terrible, stilted, prolonged dialogue.
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rosiewitchescottage · 4 months ago
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The Chosen S4 episodes 5 and 6
Spoilers ahead, so more under the cut.
Jesus has joined The Gang on the road. They've been discussing the need for finding somewhere to spend the night, that's both affordable and won't draw dangerous levels of attention to Jesus' presence.
He suggests that they head to Bethany, to the home of his friend Lazarus and his sisters Martha and Mary.
Eema Mary is also staying there after having to leave Nazareth.
En route to Bethany, The Gang encounter a troop of Roman soldiers. They are permitted to compel any Jews to carry their kit for them, but for no more than a mile.
The Gang, Judas especially, are perplexed that Jesus puts up no resistance. In fact, after a mile, He volunteers to keep on going.
We see the point he's making, when the Romans just don't know what to make of Jews volunteering their services. The power balance has shifted.
Now the Romans are wrong footed and end up just taking their kit back.
Arriving at Bethany they're warmly welcomed, though Eema Mary is currently out, exercising her considerable skills of gathering edible berries and roots. She'll join them later.
Sister Martha jumps to it as hostess, getting food ready for the guests.
Sister Mary joins The Gang, in listening to Jesus talk.
Martha finally snaps and tells Jesus that she feels out upon, when Sister Mary isn't helping here and no one mentions it.
The Chosen has handled this moment well.
Jesus is all gentleness. He makes it clear what a wonderful job Martha is doing (and yes he says, Mary could be helping her more).
Hospitality is after all a cornerstone of their society.
But he explains that right now, listening to what he has to say will nourish everyone even more than Martha's excellent food is doing. So Mary's doing something equally valuable.
Members of The Gang go to fetch the remaining food from the kitchen. (Does Mary help this time? I'll have to look again and see. 🤔)
Jesus invites Martha to sit and listen with the rest.
Eema Mary arrives back and Jesus is delighted to see her. Mother and Son withdraw for some alone time. Mary washes Jesus hair as they chat.
He tells her of His frustration at not always getting His messages across, even with The Gang.
Mary reminds Him that they're only human.
'I'm human too'. Jesus points out.
Mary says that having changed His soiled swaddling clothes, she knows that he is. 😁
I love their relationship dynamic!
They're interrupted by Judas. He asked earlier for permission to go and see a friend living nearby. Is this a good time for him to go? Jesus says 'yes'.
It turns out to be Judas' old employer/business partner(?)
He's rather salty at seeing Judas again, and even more so at hearing that Judas isn't making a profit out of the mission. He to all intents and purposes suggests that Judas put his hand in the till.
This guy is bad news. 😡
As episode 5 draws to a close and everyone is having a sociable evening after supper.
We see Judas helping himself from funds.
*********************
Episode 6 covers the 8 nights of Hannukah
We hear Jesus telling the story of The Maccabees and The Dedication of The Temple.
We see the lamps being lit. prayers said and songs sung.
The Gang exchange gifts with each other, money has been set aside from funds for this.
One sweet moment sees John and Matthew giving each other writing related gifts. John gives Matthew a new stylus, Matthew gives John a new supply of parchment.
After Simon Peter called Pax with Matthew, The Thunder Brothers are doing likewise.
Big James discusses with Matthew about the money needed to buy new sandals for Thomas, who, quite understandably isn't feeling exactly festive right now.
But they don't want him feeling excluded.
Matthew checks the money chest and suspects that something is missing.
He speaks to Judas, who gets spikely defensive. (Yes, the rot is setting in. 😥)
He's got an idea about raising funds, which involves having somewhere in each community where people can donate money, if they wish.
Not surprisingly everyone points out the weak spots.
It's suggested that his best move would be to ask what Jesus thinks.
Judas finds their Rabbi.outside. He's watching a shepherd with his sheep, knowing them all by name.
The Gang already know that on the last night of the festival, which will be the next day to this, he'll be taking them into Jerusalem, where he will be teaching.
They all have a bad feeling about this.
When Judas tells him.his idea. All Jesus does is tell him to pay close attention to the words He'll be speaking tomorrow.
Is it me, or is Jesus looking at Judas as one who already knows what this man is going to do?
It turns out that all The Gang's misgivings were well founded.
Jesus pulls no punches.
Outside The Temple he gives his Good Shepherd speech, about laying down his life for his sheep.
He's making it obvious who he's saying that he is.
Senior members of The Sanhedrin are furious. They call it blasphemy
and begin to throw stones. 😮😮😮
James steps in front of Jesus. This is how his head is injured.
The Gang hurry their Rabbi and their wounded brother away from the scene of danger.
Meanwhile, Yusuf has sent a message to Jairus in Capernaum. He's warning about how some members of The Sanhedrin are plotting against Jesus.
Jairus tells Zeb, so he can get word to his sons. Zeb decides that he can't trust anyone else with such sensitive information. So he heads off in pursuit of The Gang himself.
He finds them back at their lodgings, treating James head wound.
As well as finding out just how serious the danger now is. There's some even worse news.
Earlier in the festival, they got news that Lazarus was ill. But Jesus insisted that there was no need for them to go to Bethany.
Now they're told that Lazarus has died. Of course everyone is shocked.
But Jesus'words tell them that what they'll be heading to Bethany for now will be something spectacular.
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the-hidden-pages · 2 years ago
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Kinktober Day 1 - Dirty Talk - Tangerine x Fem!Reader
Disclaimers: I’ve never done a Kinktober. These pieces are rushed. As a result they may be poorly written and OOC. Apologies in advance.
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Summary: On a job, through an earpiece, Tangerine learns how easily influenced you are by his words. 
Warnings: NSFW, Dirty Talk, no actual smut though.
There was the odd job that The Twins would be assigned that they couldn’t do alone.
Specifically, any infiltration that required a woman’s touch, or a job that required 3 parties. Not to mention, the odd time where one of the twins were ill or recovering from a wound.
The Twins may be some of the bests in the business, but even they had to outsource sometimes, all for the sake of a job well done.
So, on those rare occasions, The Twins would outsource to you.
The third fruit, Lemon would excitedly say.
You were quite endeared to The Twins – a fact that was rather dangerous, given your respective lines of work. But the moment you met the pair, your heart warmed as you listened to Lemon excitedly talk over his brother.
“I’m not quite sure who you are yet – could be a Daisy, sweet and reliable that one…”    
 “Lemon.”
“Or an Annie, can’t forget about her.”
“Lemon.”
“Mind, there’s no reason you couldn’t be a male train – sexist of me, I’m sorry bruv –“
“Lemon!” Tangerine snapped, whacking his arm.
“Oi! What, mate?”
“Much as I’d love to go on about which fuckin’ Thomas the Train she is, we have precious little time before she needs to make a move. So –“
“It’s Thomas the Tank Engine,” you interject.
Tangerine paused for a moment before turning to you, eyes widened ever-so-slightly.
“What?”
“It’s not Thomas the Train, it’s Thomas the Tank.”
Lemon laughed excitedly as Tangerine attempted to collect himself.
“It doesn’t bloody matter, does it? Now, did you read the briefing I sent ya?”
“Oh, was I supposed to? I thought you’d just explain on the way.”
A heavy silence hung over the group.
“We should call her Lime.”
“Lemon!”
Despite the annoyance that radiated off of Tangerine in that moment, a strange partnership had formed. You and Lemon got along swimmingly, and you thrived on getting under Tangerine’s skin.
A completely healthy office relationship, you would chuckle to yourself.
Eventually, the boys called on you for help again.
Lemon was slowed down – after taking a couple of bullets to the leg, he was wrapped up and loopy on morphine. This didn’t stop Tangerine from accepting the next call that came in.
“It’s just a small job,” Tangerine explained you over the phone. “You’ll meet me in a small hotel. I’ll give you some equipment, you’ll pose as some rich man’s wife and go collect the briefcase that we need.  Easy.”
“And how do we know that they’ll believe I’m this rich man’s wife.”
“Mother of all coincidences, you look like the few photos that exist of her. The job was made for you love, and it’d be helping me and Lemon out a bunch.”
You paused.
“You’ll get a cut of the profits too, obviously.”
“No, of course,” you snap out of your stupor. “When do you need me?”
“I’ll get you a plane ticket to Monaco for tomorrow morning. Thanks, love.”
There it was again; you note as you hang up your phone.
The use of ‘love’.
You weren’t immune to Tangerine’s charms. Sure, he was a bit rough around the engines, swore like a sailor, and frequently let his anger take over. But he was also incredibly sweet when he needed to be, and wonderful at talking his way out of situation.
He was also wonderful at talking you in to situations.
At some point, your endearment to the twins had grown. You weren’t sure when you had begun to see Lemon as a brother, or when your crush on Tangerine had developed, but it had. Before you would carefully plan out when you were helping The Twins, rejecting several of their job offers if something better was on the horizon, or if their success wasn’t in your best interest.
And now you were hopping on a plane to Monaco, without a second thought.
When you arrived in the hotel, Tangerine was already waiting for you. He stood by the window in the same impeccable blue pinstriped suit he wore when he met you, typing away on his phone with a furrowed brow.
“How’s Lemon?” you question, setting your small suitcase down near the bed.
There’s only one bed, you notice. In your mind’s eye you shrug – a problem for later.
“He’s already trying to get up and about, even though he fuckin’ can’t move his leg and he’s textin’ like a fuckin’ 12 year old who jus’ opened their first bottle of tequila.”
His accent always gets thicker when he’s angry. It shouldn’t make you smile, but it does.
“12 seems a bit young for tequila. Mind, I started on rum when I was 14.”
Tangerine just sniffs, continuing to type what you now know is a long, angry scolding.
“And if I recall,” you wander over to the bed as you speak, poking through the supplies on it. “Trying to get you to sit still after you’ve been wounded is always a futile task too. You’re no better.”
That finally caused him to look up, glaring for a moment before he slid his phone into his pocket with a huff.
“Right then. Shall we?”
“Are you going to explain what this is about? You didn’t even send a briefing this time.”
“Not like you bloody well read ‘em, do ya now?”
You grin. “No, I guess I don’t.”
He strides towards you, picking a medium sized box off the bed and passing it to you. “Exactly. Go change, and I’ll explain after.”
You reach for the box, but when you go to pull away, you find Tangerine holding it too tightly.
Your eyes flick up to meet his, confused.
“It’s good to see you, love. Really.”
It takes every ounce of control you have to not wildly blush or stutter. Instead, you reach out to grab his arm lightly.
“Good to see you too, T.”
Taking the box, you make your way to the bathroom and quickly begin to undress. As you remove the lid, you can’t help but marvel at the dress inside.
Your job was so cool.
The silk was cool to the touch, and the deep blue dress would serve to highlight every curve you had. The matching silver heels and jewelry in the box served to add an extra layer of elegance to the ensemble.
Exiting the bathroom, you felt powerful, unstoppable. Your mind kept flashing back to James Bond movies, where the women were always goddesses, perfection.
And the way Tangerine’s eyes traversed your body only made you feel ten times stronger.
“Will I do?” you question, noticing the way he swallowed thickly.
“Quite nicely, love.”
He turned around to busy himself with the remaining items on the bed – a gun and a thigh holster for protection, a small purse, and –
“An earpiece, so I can fill you in as we go. Less conspicuous than having your phone to your ear all night.”
“Wow, you really are accepting that I don’t do my research beforehand.”
You take it, inserting it in your ear and hiding it with a few strands of hair.
Tangerine watches quietly as you slide the gun holster up your thigh, ensuring everything was tightly fastened and slipping a small pistol into it.
“Good. Now, here’s the plan…”
“This is a stupid plan,” you mutter, walking through the double doors to the blinding lights and deafening sounds of the casino.
“It’s a perfect plan love, come on now,” Tangerine muttered back.
If you weren’t as stressed, you might’ve shuddered at that. It was bad enough when he called you love, but when he did it right in your ear, you were just about done for.
Damn earpiece.
“Right, because I’m a dead ringer for some mobster’s wife, so I can march right up and –“
“How can I help you miss?”
At the counter, a cheerful bartender smiled at you.
“Yes. My husband sent me to collect a case. It should be waiting under the name Maroni.”
“Yes of course. It’ll just be a moment; can I get you a drink while you wait?”
“Gin martini, please.”
You sit up on a bar stool, crossing your legs. Within seconds a drink is in your hand, and you smile graciously.
Your smile fades quickly, however. “I feel like everyone can tell I’m a fraud,” you mumble into your drink.
Tangerine is quick to answer. “How do you mean?”
“They’re staring. They can tell.”            “Love, if they could tell there’d be guns pulled on ya in 5 seconds flat. They’re lookin’ at ya cause you’re gorgeous.”
“You think?”
“I think if you weren’t posing as the wife of a dangerous man, you’d have ‘em lined up trying to get the chance to rip that dress off of ya.”
You chuckle into your drink.
“Something funny, love?”
“No, it’s just. You can’t be whispering compliments into my ear when I’m supposed to be keeping a straight face. It’s not going to go well.”
You can hear a laugh. “No? You don’t want to hear that you’re a vision? That if I didn’t know better, I’d be one of them men lining up for a chance to even talk to ya?”
“Only if you mean it,” you tease lightly, taking another sip and scanning the room.
“Of course I mean it, darling.”
You feel your thighs inadvertently clench at the change in pet name.
“And what would you do? If we were strangers, meeting in a place like this.”
“I thought you wanted to focus on the job.”
“The job’ll get done. This’ll just make it way more fun.”
There’s a moment of silence on the line.
“You going to seduce me, Tangerine?”
“You want me to? Want me to whisper dirty little words in your ear until you’re fucking dripping for me, so I can pin you to the door the minute you’re back in this room with me?”
Fuck.
“Do your worst,” you mutter, finishing off your drink and smiling to the bartender.
“It’ll just be a moment more, ma’am. Another drink for your wait?”
“Please.”
Tangerine pipes up. “You really think you’re gonna last with this game, love? You think I don’t notice the way you blush anytime I call you love or darling?”
You feel your heart drop, but before you can respond he’s speaking again.
“Did you think I wasn’t interested? That I didn’t want to steal you away like one of my trinkets the minute I saw you?”
Your chest fills with hope as the bartender brings your second drink.
“I get so turned on every time I see you, love. And seeing you walking out of our bathroom dressed like that, I nearly didn’t let you leave the room. I could’a dropped to my knees then and there, let you make a real mess of my face. I’d eat you out ‘till you were crying for me to stop, love, you looked like a goddess, begging to be worshipped.”
You clear your throat and take a large swig of your drink, desperate to clear the lump that had formed.
“You flustered already, darlin’? Cause I’m not even done, not even close. See, once I hold you, love you, worship you properly, well…then I planned to ruin you, see. I plan to force you on your knees, watch you look up at me all pretty, tears running while you choke on me. I plan to hold you down and use you like a toy, make up for all the times you drove me insane on our jobs.”
“Miss? The case,”
You inhale sharply, smiling apologetically at the bartender who’s holding the case out for you.
“Sorry, I was in my own world. Everything is here?”
“Everything is there, as requested Mrs. Maroni.”
“Wonderful.”
You open your small clutch purse, pulling out a small wad of cash.
“For the service.”
“Thank you, ma’am. Have a good night.”
“Oh, I’ll make sure you do,” Tangerine starts speaking again as you stand. Your face flushes as you notice the wetness between your thighs, and you pray it’s not visible on your dress. “I’ll give you so much pleasure you’re begging me to stop, love. Now we just got to get you home.”
“To a hotel room with one bed. What a coincidence.”
“A happy accident. But all I could think about when I saw was if I’d get lucky enough to have you in it.”
“Follow through on your words and you just might. Where’s my getaway car?”
“There ought to be a black Jaguar not too far from the exit.”
“Got it.”
“Do you remember that job the three of us took? Lemon was transporting the target in a different car, you and me were on the road. Took all my effort not to bring my hand up that gorgeous thigh of yours, slip a finger into that warm cunt, touch you until you were crying for me to pull over and fuck ya over the hood.”
“Shame you didn’t.”
“Oh, I plan to make up for lost time, love, don’t you worry. I’ll worship you like a queen, and when I’m done I’ll break you like a slut. And you’re gonna take every minute of it like a good little girl, tellin’ me how good I’m fuckin’ ya, that you don’t want anyone else. Can you do that for me, love?”
“Yes, Sir. I’m on my way.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
999 notes · View notes
fandom-puff · 2 years ago
Note
PEAKYYYYY
i have been thinking so much about how tommy would react to younger (maybe 16? 17? 18? idk) shelby sister doing snow. like one of the others leaves some out and he finds her high, he’d be so protective and angry and aodjaosjoadjosjsisjdn
Hhhooooo boy I got carried away soz
Warnings: use of cocaine, implied peer pressure
He finds you in one of the Blinder’s clubs (not the garrison, because Arthur or John- or worse, polly- would crucify you for taking snow). But Tommy goes into the club to speak to the bar man, making sure profits are good, when he sees you, sat in a booth, alone.
You look totally out of it, so Tommy assumes you’ve overdone it on the gin (like you did on your 18th birthday) and walks over to you, smiling fondly as you sway in your seat. His smile drops instantly when he gets a proper look at you. Your eyes are glassy, pupils blown, with not a thought behind them, a little blood is smeared just around your nostril.
He knows.
But he also knows that you’re in no fit state to lecture. Instead, he squats down in front of you, grasping your shaking hands to stop you plucking at the beading of your dress. “C’mon, YN, time to go home now,” he says, frowning as your eyes slowly focus on him. “Who’re you with, eh? Where’re your friends?” You made a vague gesture at the dance floor and his jaw hardens. You weren’t out with just your usual girlfriends; you were out with junior members of the peaky blinders. The men who were meant to protect you. “Right,” tommy says, helping you up, taking most of your weight. He walks you to the garrison, which is far quieter, and sits you in the snug, before briefing his brothers on what happened. Within minutes, Arthur and John have left to visit those who gave you snow.
But Tommy stays with you in the snug. Big bad Thomas Shelby, who cuts smiles with no mercy, rubs your back and talks lowly to you as you come round, wipes away your tears and cleans your bloody nose, and squeezes your hand as you promise never to touch snow again. And he takes you back home to Watery Lane, tucking you in bed and sitting by your side all night, mulling over the fact that his baby sister isn’t a baby any more, and protecting her will become more and more difficult by the day.
303 notes · View notes
bethanydelleman · 2 years ago
Text
Can You Love at a Distance? Mansfield Park as an examination of Attachment
There is a pervasive theme in Mansfield Park about how attached people are to each other and to places. Fanny is the furthest on the spectrum of connecting. She is excessively attached to everything, to William, Mansfield, Edmund, Lady Bertram, and even Mrs. Norris! I know! This paragraph always gets me:
Fanny’s disposition was such that she could never even think of her aunt Norris in the meagreness and cheerlessness of her own small house, without reproaching herself for some little want of attention to her when they had been last together; much less could her feelings acquit her of having done and said and thought everything by William that was due to him for a whole fortnight.
Edmund is next, out of all the Bertram children, he’s the only one who follows his father’s wishes in his absence, or at least tries his best to (but there was a hot girl in the play!). He is also the only child who feels an obligation to be home when his family needs him. When Tom falls ill, the responsibility is on Edmund alone, Maria and Julia do not feel the need to help in the distressing time.
Sir Thomas is interesting in that he wants to be attached to things,but he has failed to create reciprocal relationships. When he returns from Antigua, he wants to see and be among not just the people but his plantations as well. He is really happy to see everyone, but even without the play, no one is really happy to see him. It’s kind of tragic, because he wants his children to love him, but he was too strict during their childhoods and they fear him. 
Then we have Mrs. Norris, whose attachments are mostly formed for profit. She is apparently actually attached to Maria, since she lives with her in the end, but her interest in the Bertrams is mostly so she can be at the park and live at their expense instead of her own. If she does love Lady Bertram, it’s because she can control her.
Most of the rest of the characters show very little attachment to anything. Tom is always away from home; Maria marries an idiot she despises just to get away from home; Julia can’t maintain the attachment with her own sister when Henry comes between them; Mrs. Price is incapable of feeling sorry for her sick nephew; Lady Bertram is unable to realize that she misses Sir Thomas until he returns from Antigua; and Yates feels very little obligation to family at all.
The Crawfords are also untethered but theirs is of a different kind. Henry and Mary’s ties were cut by the circumstances of their childhood. Their parents are dead, which has also cut them off from Everingham, their sister (Mrs. Grant) married and they lived with the Admiral, cutting their relationship with her, Mary’s aunt died and his uncle took a mistress, driving Mary out and cutting her relationship with him. The only strong relationship they really have is to each other and even that isn’t as strong as Fanny and William’s bond (exemplified by the difference in letter length between William and Henry to their sisters). 
However, the Crawfords are not the only ones with cut ties, Fanny has been removed from home for eight years and yet her bond with William remains completely intact. When she goes back to Portsmouth, she goes fully intending to re-establish her connections to that family, but her mother and father are unable to reciprocate so Fanny can’t do it. (She does attach to Susan). 
The final chapter gives us a summary of attachments, Sir Thomas finally understands his children and is able to have meaningful relationships with three of them: Tom, Edmund, and Julia. He also realizes that Fanny is worthy to be a full participant in the family, solidified when she marries Edmund. Susan also shows the Bertram’s repaired ability to love, as she is quickly accepted as a member of the family and loved by Lady Bertram and Sir Thomas.
Henry and Mary’s “cure” and ability to be attached is incomplete. Henry doesn’t manage to stay loyal to an attachment that might have made his “happy destiny”. Mary’s fate is worse, she wanted Edmund and again, circumstances beyond her control ripped something away from her.  Luckily, Mary has found a solid attachment to build from again, she has Mrs. Grant and she lives with her sister from then on (it is hinted that she marries eventually). However, Mary is still tainted by her mercenary ways and greed, as she resolves never to love a second son again.
To sum up: In Mansfield Park, those who are able to care about someone despite distance and time, are a source of good. The characters who learn to make these sort of attachments turn out the best (Sir Thomas, Lady Bertram, Julia, Tom) and those who don’t have poor outcomes (Henry, Maria, Mrs. Norris). And then we have Mary, who mostly learned her lesson but still gets screwed.
96 notes · View notes
closhelby · 4 years ago
Text
Black Hand.
Fandom: Peaky Blinders
Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader
Warnings: usual Peaky shit
Prompt: none bar the scene itself.
Word Count: 1,796.
Author note: wrote this three fucking times I’m at my wits end! Unsure to make this into a few parts.
——
Y/N woke again, at the crack of dawn, rolling over checking her watch, 5.36AM. This was the usual for her, since leaving Birmingham she could barely sleep past 6am, since the breakdown of her marriage.
It was Christmas morning, the first she was spending with only one of her two children. Charlie, y/n’s eldest son was spending his Christmas with his father this year, since splitting y/n and Tommy regularly had sex behind her boyfriends back, and then she fell pregnant, with her now two year old Harry. However, Tommy wasn’t aware of this child being his, and as far as everyone else was aware it was Roberts child.
Y/n rolled out of bed, and began to wash and get ready for the day ahead. She sat at her dressing table, thinking, as she did regularly, how it would’ve been if they didn’t spit. There was still very clearly tension there, sexual especially. Due to this, y/n cut all interaction with Tommy, whenever they needed to talk over Charlie, she would get nanny’s and maids to travel with him.
Just finishing her makeup, finishing her all off with a spritz of perfume and putting on her watch, which now shown it as 6.56am. Y/n went downstairs, starting to make herself a cup of tea when she was startled with the letterbox chattering as the postman put today’s Mail. She moved over to the door, bending over to pick up the letters, opening the first one to reveal a white card with a black hand on the front.
“Fuck!” Y/n’s heart started beating at a rapid rate, she knew that this meant kill or be killed. She needed to get her and Harry out of there ASAP. They weren’t far behind and they already knew where she lived. She ran back upstairs, grabbing overnight bags and stuffing them with her most valuable items and clothes she could possibly wear before doing the same for Harry. All while trying to be as quiet as she could because she didn’t want to wake Rob.
Y/n ran from the house to the car sat on the front drive, she didn’t even bother to ask a driver. She was going alone. Leaving alone. Without an explanation. Despite the severity of the situation, this was brewing for a long time. The current relationship was a cover up. Y/n accepted the fact that the only man she will ever love will remain Thomas Shelby, and she knew it would be the same for him. And I think that’s why they both didn’t file for a divorce.
Quickly packing the car with things she may need for herself and Harry, she ran back upstairs to collect the sleeping boy from his bed and placed him into the front seat of the car. He continued to sleep throughout the car ride, back to Small Heath. Y/n knew Tommy like the back of her hand, she knew that everyone that is associated with the Shelby name would have been dealt a black hand, and knew the only place they could possibly be safe would be in the polluted streets of Birmingham.
Turning the car onto Watery Lane, as all those childhood memory’s flooded back. From when she ran about with John as a kid, to when her and Ada would get into trouble together in her early teens, all the way to building a large profitable business with her husband, all came flooding to her. A rush of emotion, clearly visible on her face as the car came to a halt outside the once betting den. Y/n rarely had any emotion showing, only Tommy would see that in the many nights they spent alone, but that was the same for both of them. They acted tough to everyone else but vulnerable for each other. The bond they had, partners in crime, was admired, despite them both being gangsters.
Tommy was very clearly heartbroken from the downfall in their relationship, he also believed that y/n was the only woman for him in the long run. But the only way he felt that he could get over that was her under someone else. He turned to Lizzie on the regular, and as y/n still kept in contact with Ada, she knew about this. Y/n was very alike Tommy in this sense, if she needed to find something out, it would always come her way, weather she needed to look for it or not. Ultimately they shared a child together, technically two, but there was still so much love there between the both of them.
“Fucking hell,” y/n muttered before kicking in the door that stood before her. Her two year old son clutching to her chest, still fast asleep as she walked towards the family she still loved dearly. Pol loved her, loved her like her own, but they both had a similar trait, they never backed down. And sometimes like Tommy, they would argue for days on end.
Y/n stood before the table, where all but Tommy sat before her. She quickly scanned the room, noticing a blonde woman, she knew was Linda, but hadn’t met was looking at her with a very foul face on her. Ada on the other hand was smiling, excited to see her best friend after years of being away. Tommy standing to her left, eyes wide wondering why his wife was stood before him, in small Heath, with a young child in her hand.
Pol broke the silence first, “What the fuck are you doing here? Tommy tell ya?”
“No however, since you know, I find out absolutely anything I need to,” y/n spoke directing a foul look to Lizzie who was stood over in the corner, “I have also been dealt a black hand.”
There was a mutter of fuck sakes throughout the room, as they realised this was a bit more real than before. Tommy then started to talk about the issue at hand.
“Why are you starting when Johns not here?”
The room fell cold, distant and all eyes were trying to avoid hers. But Tommy wasn’t, he didn’t avoid her gaze as y/n turned to look at him. He very rarely lied to her, he simply couldn’t get away with it if anything, y/n found out everything.
“Fucking ‘ell Tommy, tell me!”
“John was killed this morning, on his front door step infront of his wife.”
Tears started to form in the once emotionless woman, the room felt as though it was caving in on them. Her legs felt heavy, like she could collapse to the ground at any moment, but her head felt light. She quickly muttered to Tommy, handing the baby over, stumbling back to process what she had just been told. John was before all this, they were best friends since they were about 4. They went all throughout school together, and because y/n dad had passed before he could walk her down the isle, John did.
“Those fuckin’ bastards! Christmas Day! Im going to fucking kill them myself,” y/n screamed in frustration.
“She won’t cope well with this,” Ada spoke quietly enough that the table could hear but y/n couldn’t. Ada approached her, giving her a soft cuddle of comfort. Y/n didn’t cry, she didn’t cry infront of anyone. But she was very close today.
She composed herself, breathing out before standing up, “why did I have to marry into this shit?”
“Why haven’t you divorced him?”
Ada knew the answer, she always had.
They both moved back over to the table, Ada returning to her seat while y/n stood by Tommy’s side. He still stood there holding his own child, without the knowledge of it. He continued to speak about the issues they were currently facing with Luca Changretta, but y/n wasn’t even listening to what he was saying, simply zoning out to how weird her life was. She’s looking at the love of her life while they’re no longer together, holding their second son that he has no clue about.
“Y/n?”
Her head quickly shot up following the direction of the voice. Arthur.
“Hm?”
“Peace or truce?” Tommy spoke.
“Peace”
“Very well. Six peace, two truce.” He quickly handed Harry back over to y/n before heading back upstairs. The group got up and left to do their own thing, while Ada sat at the table waiting for the catch up that was well needed between them both.
“Two seconds, I’m just gonna put Harry up to bed.” Ada nodded in response as y/n made her way upstairs to put Harry to bed. She opened the door to find Charlie sleeping in the small bed, leaning over to put Harry at the back of him, giving both of them a peck on the cheek before turning to see Tommy in the door way.
“Your new boyfriend is the dad? But your not married to him?”
“No I’m not married to him.”
“So you had a child out of wedlock?”
She sighed. She wasn’t going to lie to him anymore, there was enough damage and if she knew she would have to spend the next few months living with him, she needed to get it out there as soon as possible.
“No, I’m married.”
“yes, to me.”
Y/n walked over to him, pulling him into the room and closing the door behind him, aware of the fact this house was full. He took a seat on the small chair in the corner, while y/n stood slightly back from him.
“Remember that last fuck we had. Before I refused to see you.”
He nodded.
“I refused to see you because I was pregnant, and I knew it was yours.”
“Fuck sake y/n.” Tommy spoke, running his hands through his hair.
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The room then went silent. The two of them not knowing what to say next, for the first time in years they were speechless.
Y/n decided to break it, “He knows. Rob knows he’s not his, he can see it, but it’s never been mentioned. Harry also knows who you are, I’ve shown him pictures of you that I have.”
Tommy stood up abruptly, making his way over to her. His hands wrapped round her waist as he pulled her closer to him. Y/n was looking, and clearly getting lost in his blue eyes. Tommy leaned in to her, their lips meeting softly,y/n began to kiss back. The feeling this was what they both had longed for. Both of them having sex with others that meant absolutely nothing to them. The bedroom door swings open to reveal Finn stood there, his mouth hung wide.
“A - Ada’s wondering where you are?”
Y/n smiled before pulling out the embrace, muttered a thanks then proceeded to go downstairs. She turns round as she’s on the third stair down, “don’t say a thing Finn,”
302 notes · View notes
madame-mimsy · 4 years ago
Text
Theory Behind the Reward Tier Levels in Janus’ Corridor.
Has someone done this, already? Probably. But nothing says mental exhaustion like procrastinating on schoolwork by over analyzing the levels of tiers in Janus’ Corridor of Stored Rewards.
So with the release of the amazing art by James von Hollen (@ignoreitforever on Instagram) of each of the tiers (and the honestly delightfully terrifying images of Janus ripping through a wall like the Shining), I’ve had some thoughts on what the levels mean in relation to them because I am a Fander and we cannot leave well enough alone gdi.
See, at first I liked the idea going around that Janus was just giving tiers based on people he liked, as he’s stated that he prefers Remus over the others in livestreams. But the thing is, he obviously does NOT like Virgil, so that doesn’t quite fit to me. And the idea that it’s just giving preferential treatment to the Dark Sides made sense to me, until the new images came out and we had padlocks galore.
Instead, my theory is that each tier is based on how deep into the secrets he’s promised in his Corridor you go. The further along the more he WANTS to keep them secret, and thus the more money it takes, meta-wise, to pry those secrets loose, and why there is no Janus level tier. There’s no way he’d want to reveal everything he knows, no matter the amount. He (Janus) even got downright angry when people tried bugging him for spoilers in streams.
So instead he has the tiers listed by how willing he is to make that Side “public” or not. (Longwinded theory under the cut)
So first we have the Logan tier: the Federal Education Budget 
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Rewards: 
Scripts
Patron-Only Polls
Extended Videos
Monthly Livestreams
Exclusive Photos and BTS Content
Ad-Free Videos
From the Snake’s Own Mouth:
“Ohhh, so you decided to share with us? Then, I suppose I can share with you.”
Honestly, this startled me because of the fact that it looks so arcane and mystical, which doesn’t match how I imagine Logan at all. My friend @onnastik​ pointed out that the creature on the right, surrounded by sigils, is the demon Baur, who among other things is said to “teach natural and moral philosophy, (and) logic...” which fits the bill pretty perfectly. 
Speaking of a bill, the name for the tier fits Logan perfectly, too, to me. The Federal Education Budget is not only the budget used in the American system to make sure kids have free education until the highschool level, but is also part of the college loan system. It signifies public education, and that’s why I feel that Logan is the lowest, and thus most accessible, tier. Janus considers him bland, safe for public consumption, and maybe even wants to put up a front of logical intelligence first and foremost, to make even the broadest view of Thomas seem as intelligent as possible. 
And look at how much the basic tier gives! That’s a huge amount for just the lowest tier, and gives you plenty to enjoy. That fits the ideal of something like a broad education system, and gives a very open feel. Logan’s tier is literally an “Open Book” of all sorts of delights.
And with that horrible pun, we move to Patton’s tier:  The Monthly Allowance.
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Rewards:
10% Merch Discount
Members Only Sticker
Bonus Videos
Directors' Commentary
Bloopers
Ad-Free Videos
Exclusive Photos and BTS Content
Monthly Livestreams
Extended Videos
Patron-Only Polls
Scripts
Your Name In The Credits!
Exclusive Sticker
From the Snake’s Own Mouth:
“That not enough for you? Fine. I'll give you everything from that last tier, PLUS...”
For all that it is creepy as heck, the fact that Patton’s tier is also a pun is perfect. The candles heat must surely make this... heartwarming. And the addition of blooper reels in the rewards, and the commentary, feel more personal than Logan’s open tier. Which is why I don’t think Patton was the first tier.
Patton wears his heart on his sleeve too much for Janus’ tastes, I bet. All of those emotions just out there where anyone could see? Those bloopers that showcase how imperfect Thomas and the crew are? Yikes. That is definitely something a certain snek wouldn’t want to be the most public option, though, at the same time, Patton’s gentle qualities and general love of the fandom also mean he’s a good symbol to push closer to the front of the Corridor, and doesn’t need to be as hidden as some of the others.
Also the fact that Patton’s tier has a sticker as a reward is absolutely perfect and you can’t tell me otherwise. Can’t you just imagine him going “Thank you so much, kiddo! Let’s watch some bloopers and play with sticker books! I’ll get the cocoa”? He’s the good goofy dad and stickers are fun. Bloopers and being silly are fun. It’s perfect for the sweet lad.
Then we have the illustrious Roman’s tier: A Prince’s Ransom.
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Rewards:
Members Only Sticker
Your Name In The Credits As A Writer!
Never-Before-Released Janus Tee for First 1,000 Patrons
Scripts
15% Merch discount
Patron-Only Polls
Extended Videos
Monthly Livestreams
Exclusive Photos and BTS Content
Join The Writer's Room
Ad-Free Videos
Bloopers
Directors' Commentary
Bonus Videos
Exclusive Sticker
From the Snake’s Own Mouth:
“You want more? Really?? … You can only half tell, but I’m blushing over the fact that we’re worth this much to you. How about, everything in that last tier AND...”
Hooo boi there’s suddenly a lot more to unpack here. This is in no way an insult to the lovely Crew as a whole, but doesn’t it feel like this tier has more bribery going on than the last two? More self-centered reasons to join? It’s not just your name in the credits like Patton offered: it’s your name as a writer. That T-shirt (which I 100% leaped at when I saw this because holy heck it’s so pretty), and of course the mysterious Writer’s Room.
This tier feels very creative as well: look at all the stuff about influencing the show, the art of the shirt, etc. This is all about being showy and creative like our wonderful prince. But it’s not the first tier, even though Thomas is very much a creator. Why? Why is the tier for the showiest, flashiest Side just randomly tucked in the middle, not even the highest for show?
Because Janus doesn’t want Roman to be the first thing everyone sees. Our sweet boy is definitely eye-catching, but he can also be vain to the point of pompous, even annoying. And his fragile ego isn’t something that Janus likely wants to show off. Janus’ statement about “blushing” and “being worth that much to you” even feels like it matches that pride and ego. 
And that fragility is in the crown’s design, too. At first glance it seems fine. Very fantastic, with Roman’s sun symbol in lovely display. But a longer look reveals cracks, broken sections and fissures. And a slight, odd green shine, too. Hmm.
No, Roman couldn’t be made the first tier because of his pride, but his is also the last tier to not have any outright locks on it...
The Strange Dark Son’s tier: OK, Now You’re Making Me Feel Guilty...
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Rewards:
Monthly Livestreams
Your Name In The Credits As A Writer!
Personalized Thank You Video
Never-Before-Released Janus Tee for First 1,000 Patrons
Scripts
Member's Mug
15% Merch discount
Patron-Only Polls
Extended Videos
Exclusive Photos and BTS Content
Join The Writer's Room
Ad-Free Videos
Bloopers
Directors' Commentary
Bonus Videos
Members Only Sticker
Exclusive Mug
Exclusive Sticker
From the Snake’s Own Mouth:
“PLEASE, don’t give us any more money! I don’t know what we could possibly do with it! But alright… since I like you, you can have everything in the last tier, and I'LL THROW IN...”
“Now you’re making me feel guilty” is absolutely what I would expect Virgil to think about someone giving him money because they enjoyed Thomas’ content. He’d freak out, and want to make sure to do something equally nice in return, to say thank you. Hence the thank-you video. 
NGL I can also imagine him panicking and rushing around his room to pick up a random mug and just thrust it out at the gifter in return too, before hiding away in an anxious mess, but anyway. xD
The artwork for this seems to very much be in homage to the Annabelle Doll: a supposedly haunted ragdoll, kept locked in a case at an occult museum.
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Something interesting about this doll’s story, though...
Wiki: “According to the Warrens, a student nurse was given the doll in 1970. They said that the doll behaved strangely, and that a psychic medium told the student that the doll was inhabited by the spirit of a deceased girl named "Annabelle". The student and her roommate tried to accept and nurture the spirit-possessed doll, but the doll reportedly exhibited malicious and frightening behavior.”
Huh. Who else do we know that when confronted with too much coddling responds by lashing out?
And this is the first tier with a lock. The glass is chipped (from inside or out?) but the lock is holding. The doll is inert and doesn’t seem likely to do anything unless disturbed, if it matches the original story. Which seems to fit Virgil relatively well. Sure, he’ll make you anxious (maybe those cracks are where the influence leeches free), but doesn’t seem intent on outright harm. Also the cracks and the creepy living doll cabinet as a whole made me think of spider webs and our boi’s Halloween decor, so I thought that was excellent, honestly.
This tier is hidden behind Roman’s shining pomp. It’s outright locked away, as if to keep it from seeing the light of day. The Dark Side tiers both seem this way: hidden from prying eyes by the splendor of the first few tiers.
And the most hidden one of all... Gross Profit.
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Rewards:
Members Only Sticker
Bonus Videos
Directors' Commentary
Bloopers
Ad-Free Videos
Join The Writer's Room
Surprise Gifts At Least Twice A Year
Exclusive Photos and BTS Content
Monthly Livestreams
Extended Videos
Patron-Only Polls
15% Merch discount
Member's Mug
Scripts
Never-Before-Released Janus Tee for First 1,000 Patrons
Annual Video Call
Personalized Thank You Video
Your Name In The Credits As A Writer!
Exclusive Mug
Exclusive Sticker
From the Snake’s Own Mouth:
“Oh you bougie rascal, you! Your generosity is seen and I truly thank you for it… but a few kind words from me aren't enough, I'm sure... so how about, you get everything from the last tier ALONG WITH...”
Firstly we have exclusive tier level gifts that Janus won’t even reveal. Meta-wise, this is likely more because the team has to decide what those gifts ARE, and how to safely ship them, but the way it sounds in the description not only feels super secretive, but also very much like Remus to me, as well. I’m pretty sure any and all gifts from him are a surprise in some way. Whether that is pleasant is debatable, but it’s still a surprise!
The highest tier also looks to have the highest security. Look at that sturdy, metal bound chest and huge padlock. Not only that but it also has chains wrapped around it to hold it shut, and even then, the contents are actively seeking to escape, like our delightful trashman would. Even the shuggoth-like appearance matches his presence as a shifting, terrifying and likely quite gloopy entity, capable of squeezing even where he’s not wanted.  Even the green fabric below looks stained with mud or blood or something equally as upsetting. The image does a great job of showing how hard it is to contain Intrusive Thoughts, as a whole, and is likely a main reason Janus drinks so much “juice” on his birthdays. 
Unlike the last image, this one is outright trying to break containment, and oddly, it almost seems like someone left a golden key in easy reach for just that purpose... A key which also looks rather oddly shaped, to me.
It’s hard to tell from the angle, but it doesn’t look like the eye is a simple circle, but that it has a point, like a heart almost. Or even the ornate letter D from the Corridor logo?
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I can’t be sure of that, but what I can definitely be sure of is the sheer amount of lock, key, and chain symbolism our Snekky Fren has to his name.
While Janus has no tier, the entire SITE has his symbol, like a brand. 
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Every post, the icon, the about page, it’s there. And the snake isn’t trapped by the lock, but guarding it. It looks to have a green highlight around where a chip is (hmm), but other than that, it looks quite solid, and well-guarded by watchful creatures that never blink.
The shape of the lock looks like it could be heart-shaped as well, like that golden key allowing the Remus tentacles to wriggle free.
They also do a heckin blep and honestly what could possibly be better? 
So yeah, that’s my way overly long ramble about the tier levels and what I think they mean. Maybe if I’m not too lazy I’ll do one on the pictures of Janus playing peekaboo with my nightmares on the about page. 
God but this art is amazing and y’all need to go preesh the artist holy heck. 
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saphira5 · 3 years ago
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Brandon Beckett x Army Reader Part 2
“We are going to have Lady Death take me to the address Phoenix gave her, I am going to have easily removed handcuffs, and agent Franklin and a team of six contractors well be on standby and my dad well take a sniping position”. You look down and shake your head “well I can’t stop you; I well be very close by”. Agent Franklin comes down the stairs, “what about zero”. “He is”, “homeland security”, you hmm. “Shotgun”, y/n gets up from the chair and heads to the two black Tahoe’s. Brandon and Thomas come out first, then Lady Death and the contractors and spook is holding up the rear. You get in the passenger seat, a contractor is driving, and one is seating behind you, then Thomas and Beckett are seating next to the contractor. Lady death is with agent Franklin and the other three contractors. It took a bit of time to arrive and set up, agent Franklin and the six contractors are staying by the front gate, y/n is hiding in the woods. Y/n is only twenty feet away from Beckett and Lady Death. Phoenix opens the door “get in here”, “come and get me yourself”, “get in her”, Lady Death and Brandon walk inside. You then hear a gun sot and a female scream, y/n runs over and opens the door, Lady death was on the floor with a gunshot to her left shoulder. Y/n looks and see Phoenix holding a gun to Brandon’s head, you point your m4 at him “let him go”, Phoenix presses the gun into Brandon’s head, you lower your gun and Phoenix stops pressing the gun into Brandon’s head. “Pass me all your weapons, nice and slow”, y/n slowly puts your m4 down and slides it near Phoenix then you slowly pull out your Glock 18 and slide it near your m4, then you slowly unclip your knife holsters on each of your shoulders and slide them near your Glock 18, you slowly stand up. “Pull your mask down”, y/n pulls your mask down, “who are you” “y/n, former green beret”, he hums. Then he falls on the floor, y/n goes over to the window and makes an ok sign. “Still the best” you say in your comms. Y/n goes over to Brandon, “you ok”, “yes”, “you told him to move positions”, “yes”. You pick up your m4 and head to Lady Death, she was untying a man, you point your gun at her “move”, Lady Death slowly stands up and you walk her to Brandon. Then you go back to the man with a knife “who are you”, “zero, homeland” y/n cuts him out and you walk back to Brandon. “Nice work” agent Franklin has someone in cuffs beside him “this is Donald he was making a profit from the assassination, he hired Lady Death to set Brandon up, take Lady death and Donald to the vehicles”. The contractors escort them two to the Tahoe, agent franklin went over to you “thank you for your help”, “no problem”, “for your help when can fix your military record” you look at him “all I want is to talk my team”, “that can be arranged”. You’ll load up and head back to the safe house, Y/n, Thomas and Brandon also agent Franklin walk up the stairs “agent Clover call y/n team”, “right away sir” she begins typing on the computer, “facetiming your team”, you walk over and stand in front “hello”, “commander”, you see all their faces, but they aren’t smiling a frown on all their faces. “I missed you’ll”, “commander, you abandon us”, you laugh “I sent you’ll back to base, you’ll were bleeding out, bullets in you’ll the only one was Jack”. You then release, Jack must have told them something, “Jack what did you tell them”, “I don’t know what you are talking about”, “a traitor in my unit”, “this isn’t your unit anymore, it is mine” you pull out your phone and play the recording.  “Sir, you wanted to see me”, “yes, close the door behind you”, “I want you to make a report on your leader, I want her gone”, “what well I get in return, colonel”, “you well lead her team”, “understood sir”. You stop the recording and put your phone in your pocket. “Jack, that is low even for you, I taught you’ll to be good men and better soldiers”. They all turn around and look at Jack, “you piece of shit”, Private Jason tackles him and starts punching Jack, the others circle him “enough”. Jason stops punching him and walks over to the laptop and looks at you “you don’t need brains or balls to hit your superior” “but you did”. “He hit me first then I hit him back”, “I am going to send you the video”. Clover looks for the video and sends it to their computer. They watch the video and see that I was hit first then I hit him back. “See men, you take it because it makes you no better”. Private Jason begins crying “I am sorry commander; I didn’t believe you”, “we all are”. “It’s alright guys, I well be there soon”, they all look at you shocked “really”, “yes”. They all smile big, “we didn’t change any of your things, what about the letters we would send you”, “never got any”, Clover types “they were sent to what looks like you address but they arrived at Jack’s house”. They all look at Jack, Mason grabs Jack and ties him to the table and puts a sock in his mouth. “Mason”, “yes, commander”, “you well be leader until I come back”, “understood”. “I well see you’ll soon”, “bye commander”, the call ends. You pat Clover on the shoulder “Thanks” and you look at agent Franklin “thanks”, “no problem, y/n”. Thomas and Brandon walk downstairs, and you follow. “Stop by sometimes, y/n”, “I well sir”, “I well see you two later”, Brandon hugs his father and Thomas walks out. You both watch him leave then Brandon looks at you “Good luck, y/n”, “thanks, but I well still have eyes on you”, he laughs. Then you hear a helicopter, you walk outside and see in the distance a black hawk, it lands a bit away. You then see five people heading towards you, y/n stops. You see your team running towards you “commander”, they yell. the hug you and you hug them back. “You’ll are something else”, “who is he”, you turn and see Brandon “my mission”. “We got a mission”, Mason says they bow to Brandon and hope on the black hawk and start her up. “See you later, Brandon”, you hug him and walk to the black hawk “be careful, y/n”. “Aren’t I always” he laughs, you wait, and Brandon comes over “get in, we are need”. Brandon hops in and the hawk takes off, “Mason fill me in”, “army and the marines are being targeted, they are being take out by an army sniper”. You hum, “we well heading to Afghanistan to protect him, also two marine snipers well be joining us”, “alright, Victor you well be Brandon’s spotter and Adler, Hudson well be your spotter, woods, Mason and y/n well be watching the target”, “understood commander” they all said. “Let’s get it”, “Victor, keep an eye on him”, “understood”. Posted 4/25/22 Part 3 coming Tuesday  
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drarrymybeloved · 3 years ago
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a gift for @isamijoo​ as part of the Wheel of Drarry Mini Exchange🥰💞thank you to @curlyy-hair-dont-care​ for the beta!
wc: 1.7k | rating: G
Not All Heroes Wear Capes, But Mine Sure Does
Draco Malfoy, Editor in Chief of Witch Weekly Magazine, eyes his watch and then the stack of paperwork on his desk. He knows he should stay and get through at least half the pile before lunch, but there is also a photoshoot going on in Studio B right this very second that he wouldn’t mind overseeing. Only because the photoshoot is such an important project for the magazine. Not because of the presence of a certain someone at said photoshoot, not at all.
I’m the Editor in Chief of the damn magazine and I can go wherever I like, he decides. He nods his head as if confirming his own thoughts and exits his office to head towards the studio.
Draco had begun working at the offices of Witch Weekly soon after he finished his community service sentence. Starting as a lowly clerk, his ability to charm and enamour as needed, had him slowly but surely climbing the ranks.
Now, at twenty-five, Draco is the youngest Editor in Chief in the history of Witch Weekly. Soon after his promotion, he had recruited Pansy as a columnist and Blaise as a photographer, both of whom are involved in today’s shoot.
And what a shoot it is, Draco thinks with more than a little satisfaction. Featuring the Golden Trio, the rest of the Weasley clan minus Percy who was “just too busy to make it”, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, the Patil twins, and Lavender Brown, it’s going to be printed as a special edition with all proceeds going to the War Orphan’s Trust. Incidentally, it’s also one of the most— if not the most— star-studded spread in the magazine’s history. Blaise will photograph all the volunteers in various costumes and get-ups, while Pansy will interview them on the side.
When the idea was first proposed, Draco had been sceptical. While the others were less recalcitrant, Potter was well-known for his dislike of modelling of any kind. He hated being in front of a camera, and everybody in the press corps knew it. Without Potter, the venture wouldn’t necessarily fail, but it would definitely not generate as much profit. Draco had meant to ask formally, perhaps through an official letter bearing the magazine’s seal. Instead, he found himself asking Potter at the weekly inter-house pub night, a tradition started in eighth year that— inexplicably— continued well past Hogwarts. Surprisingly, Potter had agreed with minimal fuss. He wasn’t happy about it, but he had agreed nonetheless.
Reaching the studio door, Draco takes a moment to brush non-existent dirt off his suit jacket and straighten his already straight tie, before pushing open the door. There are a fair amount of people milling around, talking and laughing. He can see Weasley, Finnegan and Thomas near the refreshments table. Charlie Weasley is talking animatedly with Luna while Longbottom listens with a bemused expression. Ginerva and George are slowly turning singular strands of Hermione’s hair purple as she talks passionately with Lavender. The Patil twins are having their makeup done, and Bill Weasley is being interviewed by Pansy.
Draco takes all this in with a cursory glance, his attention instantly drawn towards the man currently posing for the camera, like a compass finding true north.
Harry Potter stands in front of the camera, wearing a gladiator’s skirt cinched with a belt adorned with a golden lion, a red cape adorning his broad shoulders. A sheathed sword hangs at his waist. On his feet are black leather sandals, the straps of which rope around his muscular calves. Without his trademark glasses, his eyes look impossibly brighter. His bronze skin practically gleams under the lights. Presumably, someone had applied oil on him at some point. Draco hastily pushes away all thoughts of hands and oil and Potter out of his mind. Potter’s hair looks artfully tousled instead of its usual mess— a near-miraculous feat if you ask Draco. He makes a mental note to jot down the name of the hair stylist for future photoshoots. The thought is there and then gone because just then, Potter draws the sword hanging at his waist, and Merlin and Morgana, Draco was not prepared to see Harry bloody Potter looking like a hero out of a Greek legend.
Draco lets out an involuntary whimper.
“Hello, Draco.”
Draco quickly snaps his gaze away from Potter to find Hermione looking at him with an amused expression. The purple streaks are gone from her hair— she’d probably known what Ginerva and George were up to the whole time. Meanwhile, Draco had been so busy ogling Potter, he hadn’t even seen Hermione approach him. He flushes faintly and attempts to sound like the Editor in Chief of a major publication rather than what he actually feels like— a schoolboy with a pash. “Hello, Hermione. I hope everything is going smoothly?”
Hermione grins. “Yes, it’s all been rather fun actually. Reminds me a bit of Sunday lunch at the Burrow, what with so many people around.”
“Good, that’s good to hear,” Draco says distractedly, attention already straying back to Potter.
“Harry’s looking rather good, isn’t he?” Hermione asks nonchalantly, following Draco’s gaze.
“What? Oh, yes, yes of course. Now that you mention it, he is. That is, I mean, the stylists did a brilliant job. Especially with his hair, it usually looks like a bird's nest,” Draco lets out a strained chuckle, his cheeks burning. He never should have come down here. Merlin.
Hermione presses her lips together, her eyes bright with amusement. “You should tell him that yourself, he’ll like it,” she gestures behind Draco.
Draco turns, and sure enough, Potter’s coming off the set towards them. He doesn’t even stop to change into regular clothes, for fucks sake. How is one supposed to hold a conversation with him looking like that?
“I’ll leave you two to it then, got some catching up to do with Parvati,” Hermione says, grinning wickedly. Before Draco can say another word, she’s already gone.
Cursing internally, he turns to face Potter, determined to keep his attention on Potter’s face and his face only. Not that that’s not distracting enough. Pushing the unhelpful thought away, Draco opens his mouth to greet Potter. What comes out is, “That’s quite a get-up you’ve got going on.”
Oh joy, already off to an excellent start. Draco cringes internally but forces himself to smile in what he hopes is a pleasant manner.
Potter laughs sheepishly. “Yeah, I do feel pretty ridiculous in all this. They’ve even strapped a bloody sword on me. I barely know how to handle it.”
“Looked like you were doing alright, actually,” Draco says before his mind can catch up with his mouth.
“Oh, er, thanks Draco,” Potter smiles bashfully, bringing his hand up to ruffle his hair. Draco’s eyes helplessly follow the flex of his bicep.
Snapping back to attention, he grasps for something other than Potter’s sword-wielding skills to talk about.
"I have to say though, I was quite surprised when you agreed to this. It's no secret you dislike photoshoots immensely," is what he lands on. It’s something he’s been wondering about and he wouldn’t mind knowing what made Potter agree to do this.
“Yeah, I don’t much like being treated as if I’m some celebrity and I’ve never been good in front of a camera. I would have said no but well…” he trails off, looking at Draco intently. “You’re the one who asked, so,” Potter shrugs as if that clears everything up.
Draco blinks. In a dazzling display of eloquence, he says, "What?"
Potter flushes, but he looks determined. "I agreed to do this because I know this photoshoot is important to you. Not just this shoot, the magazine as a whole. I know that you’ve worked hard to make it into something much more than just another gossip rag. So, um, you know, I did it for you,” he rubs the back of his neck, his face flushed crimson. “It also helps that it’s for charity,” he adds, chuckling awkwardly.
Draco gapes. “But...why?” he manages, bewildered.
“Draco,” Potter huffs. “Because I care about you. As in, I have feelings for you. I thought you would have guessed by now, it’s not like I’m great at subtlety. Pretty much everyone else knows,” he smiles nervously.
 Oh. Oh.  
“You have feelings for— wait, everyone knows?” Draco demands. “And no one thought to tell me?” He hates his friends, really truly despises them all.
Potter’s eyes crinkle with the force of his smile. “Wait so, what are you saying?”
Draco rolls his eyes, attempting to sound cool and collected even though he feels practically giddy. “I’m saying, Potter, that I have had “feelings for you” as you put it, for an embarrassingly long time. And everyone knows,” he says, cheeks pinking. “Well, everyone except you, apparently,” he amends.
Potter laughs delightedly. “To be fair, you didn’t catch on to my feelings for you either.”
“We’re rather ridiculous, aren’t we?” Draco says, laughing ruefully.
“Well, we’re both in the know now, so how about we go for a celebratory dinner?” Potter asks, eyes bright.
“Good idea,” Draco says, attempting— and failing— to keep a straight face.
“Potter!” Pansy’s voice cuts across the room.
“Time for your interview it seems,” Draco says.
“Yeah, although I do have some questions for her myself,” Potter says, squinting at Pansy.
“Oh, I will absolutely be having words with her. And Hermione,” Draco huffs.
Potter smiles at him, and it’s such a wide, unrestrained thing, Draco’s heart misses a beat. “I’ll see you after, then?” he asks.
Draco nods, smile softening. “Pick me up at seven, you already know the address.”
Potter flashes him one last smile before walking towards Pansy’s corner.
Draco watches him go with what is most definitely a besotted smile on his face before turning around to leave. His steps falter when he sees all of their friends staring at him, expressions torn between unbridled glee and despair. He frowns— until he catches sight of Ron glumly handing over a handful of Galleons to a triumphant George.
“You absolute pillocks, did you place bets on Harry and me?” he asks in disbelief.
“It’s a lucrative business,” George winks.
“Sorry Draco,” Lavender says, not looking sorry at all as she pockets the coins Padma grudgingly hands her.
“I hate you all,” Draco informs them cheerfully as he heads towards the hallway, professionalism be damned. He hears them laughing as he steps into the hallway, but he’s too elated to be properly pissed off at their machinations. He’ll get back at all of them soon enough, but for now he has a stack of paperwork to finish— he can’t be late for his date after all.
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fancyfade · 3 years ago
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I really like the way Hardware (1993) addresses the topic of superhero ethics.
Quick synopsis of the set-up: Curtis Metcalf, genius inventor, comes from a working class family and winds up from his perspective being set up to be the heir apparent to the inventor/businessman, Edwin Alva, who takes him under his wing and funds his schooling and, once he graduates, his projects. However Alva was actually just funding his schooling and appearing to encourage him in his endeavors so he could lock Curtis in a contract that gives him no rights to the royalties his inventions makes Alva (unclear if he has any like legal right as in copyright to his inventions as well I would assume not but it was not addressed yet). Curtis can’t work for a competitor either in the same field so he’s essentially stuck working for Alva if he wants to do what he’s dedicated his entire life to (inventing technology stuff).
Curtis initially tries to get some blackmail material on Alva so he can get out of his contract, but finds out Alva is involved in the criminal underworld via weapons and drugs dealing and smuggling.
also the character’s races are important to the story: i’m going to not comment a lot on this because I don’t want to be talking out my ass, so I’m going to just be like... relating things without commentary or sourcing what the original intent was from the creators: Curtis is a black man and likens what Alva did to him as slavery. Denys Cowan, one of the co-founders of Milestone comics and artist on hardware 1993 and the new series, who worked with the main author of hardware (1993) dwayne mcduffie, mentions that Hardware’s experiencse and the way he is treated (especially the glass ceiling) are part of how it felt to be a black creator in comics (link). (Back to the comic, not the interview) Curtis points out how many people perceive him as angry and bitter with a chip on his shoulder (Curtis describes himself as angry for good reasons). Alva is a white man who is too big and has his hands in too many pockets for the evidence curtis initially got on him to stick.
This is why Curtis created hardware: initially, his plan was to blackmail alva, when he finds out what Alva is up to he tries to send the evidence to the authorities because it goes beyond his personal problems with Alva. Then when that fails, he creates his armored suit (which he calls Hardware) to interfere with Alva’s operations and prevent him from doing more damage while getting revenge.
When he initially starts out as Hardware, Curtis has very little social life, he divides himself entirely between working his day job as cover for Alva, then working his night job as Hardware. he barely sleeps due to this. When he’s hardware, has a variety of lethal weaponry, the biggest of which is his omnicannon (which seems to like.. explode everything? he KOs a helicopter with it). He uses his weapons only on people working for Alva who are usually trying to kill him as far as I can tell. He’s also pretty unconcerned with killing them. He blows up a helicopter with someone still in it, shoots people, drops a guy he had pulled out from a helicopter from an unsurvivable fall, and cuts off a the arm of a construction worker who was holding a gun on him.
Curtis is more thinking on his end goal (getting revenge on Alva and stopping Alva’s criminal enterprises) than he is the means he takes to get there.
Pretty early in the run, Curtis is injured and found by his long term female friend Barraki. Since she finds him in his Hardware armor, he has no choice but to tell her what’s going on and she is disgusted. She views Curtis as extremely selfish -- she refers to it as him killing people “because his boss wouldn’t give him a raise” with no visible remorse. Curtis says he has no remorse period, not just no visible remorse. Barraki leaves and says doesn’t feel like she actually knows him.
Curtis obviously cares a lot about her opinion, because once she makes her stance on it clear he is kind of at a loss of what to do. When she asks him what he wants, he says he just wants her approval (also that she’s his only friend and he doesn’t want to lose her).
He winds up solving things as Hardware non-lethally for a while (replaces his omnicannon supershot with a neural net to paralyze people rather than blowing them up, tho he still has access to the omnicannon’s main shell for when he needs it), gives alva’s employees in the stuff he’s blowing up time to evacuate, etc
Then he has like I guess this... dream sequence? Guilt induced dream? Where he is seeing the people he harmed (the guy who’s arm he chopped off talking to him about his injury and losing his job, the dead bodies of the people he killed) and then Curtis talking to him as he is Hardware (like a his non-armored civilian version is berating his armored version for his life choices) and giving him a running commentary on his own life up to this point. People who are either personally important to him (Barraki) or socially important (a priest, Oprah) attack him for his decisions. Then when it comes to who speaks in his defense in his dream, it’s his employer, Alva, who created this situation from when Curtis was a kid to exploit him and benefit off Curtis’s talents and treats Curtis as no more than a cog in his machine (When Curtis initially approaches Alva for his profits, he does so with the assumption he’ll get them, because he had believed Alva to be like a father to him, Alva laughs at him and says he’s not respected, merely useful, and dehumanizes him by likening him to a dog).
Dream Alva’s defense of Hardware’s previous actions is that as Hardware, Curtis is doing what he was supposed to do -- treating other people as expendable resources in pursuit of his goals. So in Curtis’s guilt, he likens himself to Alva, the man who has been treating him like a tool.
I think this is kind of interesting because it’s something I’ve seen a lot in recent discussions of whether it’s okay for superheroes to kill people and one of them is that when you kill a person you’re not just killing that person. You’re killing whoever they were to the people who cared about them, if they’re looking out for anyone you’re affecting whoever they were providing for as well -- I think that’s why the initial person who appeared in Curtis’ guilt-dream was not someone he killed but the man who’s arm he cut off. There’s sort of this commentary on humanizing people I suppose with how the villain so clearly dehumanizes Curtis and treats him as a tool to his own ends, and then how we see Curtis imagining how the people he injured or killed while being Hardware might be affected not just in terms of “they got injured or killed” but also he imagines whatever their lives beyond working for Alva were. Curtis’s guilt is humanizing them in his head where earlier he said he had no remorse whatsoever.
Throughout the comic, there’s this metaphor for being trapped in a cage and then getting out but not actually being free (initially told through Curtis’s pet parakeet he had as a kid -- the parakeet flew out of his cage and tried to get out via the window, but only kept busting his head against the window, unable to understand he couldn’t go outside)
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[image: 3 comic panels from hardware 1993 #1 showing young curtis metcalf standing in front of a window where a parakeet is laying down on his side with his  feathers ruffled. curtis grabs the parakeet gingerly in his hands and puts the bird back in the cage with a clang. his internal monologue reads “my bird made a common error. he mistook being out of his cage... for being free.” end image]
Curtis straight up says that his earlier actions as hardware were not letting him be free: he turned hardware into another cage.
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[image: 3 comic panels from Hardware (1993) #4 showing barraki young and Curtis Metcalf standing and talking. Curtis is initially looking down regretfully at his hardware helmet. He says “I built the hardware armor to help me escape from the cage that alva put me in. Then I proceeded to turn hardware into yet another cage.” he looks at a parakeet that is flying around his house (his new pet) and says “see, Alva will make a mistake... eventually. And then I’ll put him away for good. That’s still very important to me. But it’s not going to be my whole life.” end image]
I don’t know whether the cage was supposed to only be in terms of how he conducted himself as Hardware or whether it also extended to work life balance (right after this he says that he was not going to make putting Alva away his whole life, he is letting Barraki in rather than pushing her away and he got the parakeet) and also his general view of the world (I already analyzed how he changes the way that he views the people working for alva). Either way I feel like the way that it was addressed was in a very satisfying manner that never wound up being preachy but did ask a lot of questions.
EDIT:
more commentary on the parakeet analogy from the writer of hardware: season one (the new relaunch)
The original Hardware #1 opened with a flashback of a young Curtis Metcalf remembering his pet parakeet escaping its cage only to be stopped by a barrier of glass, mistaking “being out of the cage for being free.” A brilliant meta-commentary, Thomas believes that it is “one of the greatest monologues in the history of comics,” and perfectly captures the entire story of being black in America.
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