#but i am human

[melit0n]

It came to me in a dream

[gingerjolover]

hey! i just wanna inform you that naomi strictly goes by they/them pronouns and doesn’t identify as a girl! i’ve seen you refer to them by she/her pronouns or gf a few times and i’m not sure if you knew <3

hi sweet anon!

i just went back and looked thru anytime i’ve written about naomi and i haven’t found anywhere that i didn’t use they/them or their name or partner

but that doesn’t mean that i’m not missing it, could you tell me where it is so i can change it? (if that’s no trouble for you)

i respect naomi’s pronouns and i am fully aware that they are non-binary so anything written otherwise is an accident and i want to correct it!

(my most recent blurb i do discuss naomi x soft!gf)

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

Something k said last night really has stuck in my mind.

We were brave and asked her if there is something on our side that could be causing this pattern. We asked her if how we tried to hold her accountable when she was our therapist was done okay, or if it comes across in a harmful way. Because at the time, she threw it back at us and called us abusive and our words harmful. We knew deep down we wrote it all with care, focusing on how her actions made us feel, and constantly saying we understand the cause of her behaviour and still love her anyway. But... it stuck in our head. And now there are patterns. So we asked. Knowing we should not necessarily trust her if she says we are abusive again.

She said we did nothing wrong at all. We never did. It was her, and people who can not take accountability will run away from us exceptionally fast. But that is not us doing something wrong, what we do is the right thing. She said we are incredibly good at holding people accountable, that we are too strong for most people, and they are not ready. They will run. They will not face their shit. She said there is also something about us that makes other people see and feel their own stuff- that when people connect to our energy, they also connect to their own, and that can be scary. We've had a lot of people say this before, and I love/hate it in equal parts. I love that we somehow make people wake up, and I hate that it means they often run away from us.

Then we asked more, to get a sense of how people (therapists mostly, or the few people who know more than just our functioning parts) perceive us... why does this pattern happen? Why are we getting so harmed? So many promises broken? What is our part in it?

First, she talked about how intense it can be, because of the size of our system, the level of trauma, she said "it's like 50 people coming at you at once.. and I don't mean coming at you like you were harmful, but just.. there's so much. I wasn't prepared, I don't think many specialists even are, and they get overwhelmed." She said again that is not our fault. This was disorientating to hear just because our default is always a level of denial. We are always so fucking confused when things like this happen, and to hear her explain it like this on the outside.. it's so confronting. What do you mean? Why would you be overwhelmed if it's not even real?

Secondly she talked about something that happens which she believes is to do with the RAMC. Where she would get sucked in to our denial and avoidance, confusion.. like in to another world, so no "real work" ever really happened. Other dramas between us would be created and she'd always feel like.. how is this happening? She said she almost felt programmed in response. Our longterm therapist before her said the exact same, so this... I mean, it was disorientating and validating and heartbreaking and frustrating all at once. Like it cleared some fog for us. But then just even more unfairness. Like. These are our therapists. They should have not got lost with us. Will anyone ever be able to help us heal? Are we too broken? Can we do therapy "right"?

But, this is what stuck with me most.. she said this is something she's been scared of sharing with me, knowing it would be triggering (for RAMC stuff)...

She talked about this intense dark energy we have all around us. She said nowadays, where she's trained more, more experience with DID, she can understand all the parts stuff, all the theories, all the work she does with other clients. But this dark energy, and how connected to it she is with us, she can not understand and it disturbs her and part of what played in to the shit in our relationship. She said how she dreams about it, still, in detail... and she doesn't understand. We talked around spirituality, and our connection, all the nice magical signs we used to talk about that we've had our whole life before we knew each other, like a sign we were meant to find each other and we both said perhaps her being so connected to our darkness is the other side of that inexplicable connection. She went in to more detail... at one point we went quiet and she was worried she triggered us mentioning religion. Or that we thought she could be part of the abuser group. Which is always gonna be a thing for some parts. Especially if she starts saying shit like religion and exorcism. But it wasn't that. We were just struggling to remember the dark energy isn't US. She reassured us it's not. She said we are the light, that is why we survived, that is why we keep surviving, that is why our heart is so good. We asked if everyone close to us will feel it? We know most people dont.. we get comments on the opposite, on how we have such a calming energy, people use the word "light" for us so often. But do the few who really know us, feel this? Do they see darkness when we walk in a room? She said she can't answer for everyone, but she imagines they may not see darkness, but many will feel overwhelm, and again how that is not our fault, simply the result of what we carry.

She said that she just wants to help get rid of this huge heavy darkness around us. That she's never seen with anyone ever.... ouch. It just feels personal. I know its not. I know it's put on us. But it feels heavy.

At the same time it was validating and uplifting.. to name it. We feel it. We've seen body workers who mention it. And lately this past week, we've intuitively needed to go to large open spaces and lay on the ground and ask the earth to just absorb some of the darkness. It is so fucking heavy. It is like drowning. Hearing her name it felt hurtful but also hopeful.. like.. it's named.. now we can tackle it. We even did a kind of visual somatic thing together and it was wildly wildly powerful. It always is when we do it together. Which aligns to what she says about how she is so connected to our stuff in some weird spiritual level way even when we arent in contact.. the dreams she has.. it's wild and creepy. So when we do these somatic things, she feels it in her body too and we release it together. Which, I know many practitioners do to an extent, they are tuning in to our feelings and can feel what we do in our body sometimes. But with her it's like another level, and we do some kind of magic at times.

I am cautious to listen to her. I know she has been so damaging. But I know myself and know what of hers to listen to and what not, these days. This felt aligned.

I want S. I need S. Child parts especially. I need us to repair. I need it to be okay. She is so much more healing, comforting, secure, consistent, stable.... or was. Until now. Everything in me needs us to work it out and be okay together again. But while we are not, we need something, someone, and K is what we have. I wish wish wish we didnt need anyone. I wish we could just heal ourselves.. I wish when this attachment pain screams we could soothe it completely alone... but I can't. Not yet. I've come so far. So far. And we do soothe each other. We work so hard. And we can handle little triggers, smaller attachment pain, even big attachment pain when there's more than one attachment person in our life. But when this happens? When it seems there is NO ONE? We can't. We just can not. It is too big to soothe alone. And right or wrong we still choose the very questionable attachment figure over none. For now. Carefully.

[loathsome-sickness]

"people show their true colours in life threatening situations" no, they show you what they act like when they're mortally terrified, an emotion notorious for literally turning your entire brain off to the point where people who go into those situations as a profession need to be literally trained on how to not have that happen

[etakeh]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[actual-corpse]

Needing a lighter for practical purposes.

Finishing edges of frayed fabric.

Testing flammability of different fabrics... Why are they fucking melting? Is this shit plastic?!?

Fabric catches fire, but it melts.

I'm sitting with my legs crossed bc I'm Queer.

MOLTEN HOT PLASTIC DRIPS ONTO MY LEG.

It hurt for less than a second. I was more focused on making sure the fire was out.

Let plastic cool and remove.

Treat burn. Why is it yellow?? I've never seen a burn do that (except for that one time, I got Sun Poisoning and had dragon scales for a few weeks... Now I have freckles)

[xbuster]

It’s insane to see that this is Twitter users’ reactions to this when this is just completely normal on Tumblr. Twitter is such a hellscape of privacy violations that standard anonymity features like hidden likes are treated as suspicious.

[callisteios]

Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!

[magnetothemagnificent]

The vegan to ecofascist pipeline

[melit0n]

EUCLID ANALYSIS.

Part one -> Title and meaning

Part two -> Line by line analysis part one

Part three -> You're already here!

Part four -> Musical/instrumental notes

Part five -> The Night in Sleep Token

Part six -> Conclusion

“I play along with the life signs anyways” → ‘Play along’ implies acting or participating in something that may not be entirely genuine, it's almost childish; playing along with life like it's a joke.

Finishing the line with ‘anyways’ adds a sense of nonchalance to it all. It paints the image that Vessel is going through the motions of life, however, he hasn’t fully accepted it all yet. He’s in this middle zone, the twilight zone, of experiencing it all but through a dissociated state.

“But hope to God you don’t know this feeling” → This one can be interpreted as a direct message to us, as the listener. While Vessel has gone through mass amounts of distress in his lifetime, before he was Vessel and as he is now, he has taken the last option he has left; Sleep. He’s both hoping we don’t follow in his steps and hoping to the Dear God we have never experienced what he has been through and never will.

“Yet in reverse, you are all my symmetry” → And here is the first reference to Euclid of Alexandria and his symmetry.

The lyric, as a whole, expresses an intimately complex sentiment about the nature of Vessel’s relationship with Sleep or his partner. Even when viewed in reverse, the person holds a profound sense of balance (through the metaphor of symmetry) for Vessel; they completed each other perfectly despite their large differences, which eventually drove them apart.

I would like to mention this can also be seen as a response to the message Vessel received that stated he had ‘saved’ the writer. Vessel reflected on this in a speech, concluding that whilst the message is true, it is in an inverse sense. We saved Vessel. We are his symmetry even though we are so utterly different from him. It’s a wonderfully profound lyric, whichever way you decide to interpret it.

“A parallel I would lay my life on” → Symmetry again!

Despite it all, Vessel would lay his life in this relationship, this person; that’s how much trust he has. However, the reference to parallels presents the concept of parallel lines, which never meet. This suggests a distance or separation, which emphasises the unique and individual paths each person is on, whether that be because of fate or free will. Then, the statement that Vessel makes, saying he’d lay his life down for this parallel, indicates a deep and soulful commitment (or sacrifice) for the sake of symmetry. He’s saying he has full willingness to trust this person, even if their stars won't align again. Even if their paths won’t converge, he’d still have some sort of trust in them.

It could also be a callback to the main topic in Acensionism.

“So if your wings won't find you Heaven, I will bring it down like an ancient bygone” → The line calls back to TNDNBTG’s "and the night comes down like Heaven". This is Vessel willing himself to bring down Heaven for someone who deserves it, but cannot bring themselves to reach it, as a gift for them. A thank you.

Plus, the comparison to an ‘ancient bygone’ adds a layer of nostalgia or reference to the past, which suggests Vessel is drawing upon ancient or timeless methods to accomplish this; using the past to his advantage, for once in his life, which then links into the later lyric of "for me, it’s still the autumn leaves".

“Call me when you have the time” → A repeat of the previous refrain, but with changed words. It feels less like a cry for help, but more of a light-hearted question. A ‘Hey! I don’t need you right now, but call me when you’re free, yeah? I’ve got something to talk about’.

“I just need to leave this part of me behind” → Vessel has accepted his walls have closed in on him and have fallen down, and he’s realised he needs to move on. Yet again, it presents Euclid as a eulogy; a closing chapter for Vessel and maybe Sleep Token as a band itself.

“Do you remember me, when the rain gathers?” → Vessel’s past is coming back to him again, he’s finally accepting it all but he’s still clinging on, asking his partner, or Sleep, if they still remember it all.

Further, rain often carries symbolic meanings, such as renewal, cleansing, as well as melancholy. The question is more of a ‘Will you remember me now that I’ve changed? Am I still good enough for you?’

“And do you still believe nothing else matters?” → This line is a callback to Bloodsport’s "tangled with what I never said, and you say it doesn’t matter".

It also brings up change again. At the start of the song, Vessel is afraid of change, changing out of the mindset he’s been in for so long, but now he’s asking his partner if they’re still the same as before. If loving them is still a blood sport.

“For me, it’s still the autumn leaves” → Autumn symbolises change and is the in-between of summer and winter. The middle of constant sunlight and constant darkness; it’s twilight. It displays a long-awaited change and finally, the acceptance of it.

“These ancient canopies that we used to lay beneath” → As autumn arrives, the canopies of the trees change yet again. The trees Vessel his partner used to lay beneath become ancient with all the autumns that have passed. Eventually, his partner becomes an ancient bygone to him.

“No, by now, the night belongs to you” → Direct callback to TNDNBTG from Sundowning. The Night, lore-wise, is presented as something holy. It is their duty, as Vessels of Sleep, to constantly stay awake because the night belongs to Sleep; no one else. Vessel is rebuking against Sleep, stating that the night no longer comes down like Heaven, like he once believed, and belongs to someone entirely human now. It belongs to him. It belongs to us.

“This bough has broken through” → Direct callback to WTBB from One. When the bough breaks is an idiom meaning ‘when a situation has reached the point of no return’. In WTBB, this is in reference to how Vessel and his partner ignore how toxic their relationship has gone because neither of them wants to be alone in their suffering. The bough has broken through because Vessel has left this person, and he has changed. He has overcome the fear of being alone and has changed for the better.

“I must be someone new” → This is a direct statement of how Vessel must change if he wants to continue on. He must find a way to become human again while being a Vessel of Sleep. He has to get over his past.

The bridge then repeats the previous two verses, almost as if Vessel is trying to nail in his final point. He hasn’t got anything more to say, so he’s repeating all he’s said.

Finally, the fourth and final verse is a repetition of the second verse of TNDNBTG. The produced album trilogy, the loop, finishes here. As the listener, we are sent right back to where we first began; in a state of suffering and struggling to accept our new form, to accept our humanity. But, if you run it back, listen to albums again, you’ll be right back at Euclid. You’ll be back to facing the fact of change and guess what? Time has passed again. Could be a couple of hours. Could be a couple of days. Could be a month! But time has passed as you have revisited the past on an empty ceiling and you, as the listener, are faced with change again.

Euclid, in the end, lyrically, becomes the question of have you accepted it yet? Will you allow time to sew your wounds shut, or do you need to go back one more time? Go back to where your atoms stopped fusing, to where it was blue light over murder, or, do you want to face the inevitable?

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

I am soft 🥺 ❤ (x)

[aziraphales-flaming-cock]

I join the Discord server

I mute the Discord server

I'm never seen again in the Discord server

[intotheelliwoods]

[timetodiverge]

but HE STARTED IT!!

...this is PEAK sibling behaviour I am DYING

(and Omega's eyeroll? PERFECTION, NO NOTES)