#but i definitely wasn't expecting as many and as severe changes

[professorhayforbreath]

i think my philosophy on adaptations is different from most people's tbh. if i have to see one more take that's like "if you wanted the same story just read the book" i stg.... if they wanted to write a different story why did they choose to adapt a beloved book? like yeah i did want the same story lol my bad for assuming a "faithful adaptation" would be the same story??

[amaranthineghost]

hello!!!

can you do a one shot/ fanfic that Lando has been dating Y/N since they were 15/16, so for a long time, and she just found out she’s pregnant. you can come up with how they would react and how lando would react but i’d love if they were unsure of it in the beginning, but it grew on them as time went by.

thanks!!!!

| OUR WORLD IN YOUR HANDS ( lando norris. ) |

ꕥ pairing: lando x reader

ꕥ summary: they hadn't planned for pregnancy, but it changed their life.

ꕥ authors note: enjoyed writing it more than I thought I would honestly. tried to make it so she was more unsure than he was and in the end, I liked it. working on incorporating more dialogue in the future because it is definitely not my strong suit. I'll also alternate between requests and my own ideas so if you requested something, keep it in mind <3

ꕥ warnings: mentions of alcohol, sex, barely mentions thoughts of abortion

TWO RED LINES. her heart had skipped a beat, more like several as she stared at the dark red line and a faded pink one next to it. she couldn't believe her eyes. it couldn't be possible, it repeated in her mind.

but it obviously was. they hadn't been very careful, they're young and dumb and in love. two people so deeply in love that they couldn't care less. at least she thought they did at the time.

staring at the test in front of her shook her whole world, an entirely different branch of her life she'd never expect to take this soon. it was right in front of her.

despite being together for a year or two shy of a decade, it felt too soon. they were still young, had plenty of parties lined up in the near future. plenty of drunken nights running through the streets of monaco barefooted, hands intertwined as the world was focused on them. how they'd escape to the farthest rooftop, drunken makeouts leading to more as they came together under the stars.

they still had time. time to be what they'd missed as teenagers, to make memories. they had time to spend countless nights, wrapped in each other's arms under cold skies on balconies across countries, discussing their future. when they'd get married, where they'd like to live, if they ever left monaco which seemed unlikely, the places they've yet to see, how many kids they'll have and their names.

time for reckless driving through the streets of monaco with the wind crashing against them, hands raised as they cheered. he always drove to the most beautiful sight in the city, but always claimed it would never come close to the beauty she possessed.

time for runs across the beach in tiny bikinis and swim trunks as they raced on the sand. his arms capturing her waist as he tossed her around, feeling the vibrations of her laughter and screams against his skin. a feeling he'd forever cherish.

it all disappeared with a single faded line. everything she knew about their future collapsed with the test barely bigger than the length of her hand. it would affect everything.

it was conflicting. becoming a mother was all she ever dreamed and talked about, when she became older. she'd mention to her curly-haired boyfriend countless times of her dreams of having the mini versions of him running around the house they shared. the longing to see his eyes and curly hair with features of her own on another warm body. their child.

but she wasn't ready. in her mid-twenties, with years of life left to live child-free. tens of grand prix's to attend in support of her mclaren lover, watching 10 feet away from his car. nights to catch up on hours of sleep she lacked from keeping up with lando's lifestyle.

having a kid swept it all off the table. no more late night dalliances, or getting so drunk to the point where lando would have to pull over the car to hold back her hair as she threw up in the bushes.

no more parties at ungodly hours of the night, watching drunk lando stumble his way to the dj booth, giggling over a glass of alcohol at his actions.

no more sleep. she knew she'd be woken up numerous times in the night from the cries of her child, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to give up sleep yet.

and she wasn't sure lando wanted to give up formula one either. obviously, a balance between the two worlds is possible, but she knew he would want to be there with her, and she didn't know if he could.

it scared her. the thought of this changing the dynamic of their relationship on levels she couldn't even begin to think of. she's seen countless videos of how having a child completely changed the way couples worked, good and bad, and she didn't want that fifty-fifty.

she'd sat staring at the test between the tips of her fingers for a solid twenty minutes before she heard a patterned knock she grew familiar with from her beloved boyfriend.

the door muffled his voice just slightly, "darling, you 'right in there?" his hand wrapped around the now cold door handle and twisted it, but it failed to turn as it pressed into his palm.

it was unusual for her to lock the door, she knew he would question it. and she knew she couldn't use the excuse of that she's changing or showering because lando simply didn't care whenever she was. he'd sit and keep her company till she was done with whatever she was doing because it was often what they did. sit in silence, enjoying the presence of one another.

"yeah, I'm fine!" she called out to him in a rushed tone, flinching enough that she nearly dropped the test. she watched as the door knob shook, shoving the stick into the bottom of the trash temporarily. she'd remember to remove it eventually.

she turned on the sink as she hid the box of tests in the depths of the cabinet under the sink. looking at herself in the mirror, she'd wipe away the tears that built in her eyes. she didn't want him to notice, but like always he would.

from the locked door to the second she opened it, he'd watch it. she'd see him leaning on the wall just outside the door, patiently waiting for her to come out to him. he wouldn't question it, he trusted that she would eventually come around to tell him. she always did.

with the frequent trips to the bathroom and the slimmed selection of foods in the fridge, he'd suspect something, but he wouldn't know for sure. not without her word.

because for the time being, it was a secret she kept to herself, as much as she despised secrets. she felt like she was guilty to be hiding something from the person she trusted most in the world.

times when she thought the room was empty, she'd be pacing long ways back and forth with her arms crossed and her face solid. he'd watched her from the doorframe with his arms crossed against his chest, mirroring her position slightly.

times when she'd drop whatever she was doing to rush into the bathroom and spill her guts into the toilet as he held her hair and ran his fingers along the nape of her neck. she claimed it was a stomach bug, but he knew better. he also knew better than to question her words so he said nothing, but made a multitude of soups for her to sip on, taking notice of her now acute taste.

times when she'd cry over the tiniest of things, comforting her in his arms while she sobbed against the fabric of his very worn hoodie that happened to be her favorite.

it wasn't a great shock when she first told him. stuttering over her words as she fumbled with the sleeves of his long-sleeve shirt that went well past her fingertips, he could see tears brimming her eyes with her heightened sensitivity.

so when she muttered the words, "i'm pregnant," his world stopped, restarted, reloaded and stopped again when he finally processed the words. though he knew he could've expected it, hearing the confirmation leave her lips left his world tipped sideways.

but he wanted to hear it again, needed to, words breathlessly escaping his lips, "what, love?" he heard her the first time, but he wanted to hear it again. and again and again.

she choked on her words, sobbing out again, "I'm pregnant, lan," he pulled her into his chest, his hand finding it's way to the side of her head as he cradled her, pressing his lips against her hair.

as they swayed, it finally dawned on him, muttering unsure and excitedly against her head, "I'm going to be a dad?" his breathing deepened, his tongue gliding across his lips, then biting at the sensitive flesh. he felt his heart hammer in his chest, nearly comparing to when he first asked the girl out all those years ago. he reminisced the time when the biggest deal he could think of was rejection. now the girl he had crushed on when he was just a teenager just told him she's pregnant. with his kid.

part of him couldn't be happier, they had spent countless nights in bed, lying on their sides facing one another with stupid grins on their faces as they pondered their future together. whatever they wanted, it always had the other in their thoughts and plans.

this was just their plans manifesting faster than they might've hoped, and sure, he wasn't totally certain that it was the right timing after all. but this was their dream, and maybe they just needed time.

time to accept how greatly their life would be affected. he thought about how he'd have to leave her for days, weeks for his career, the few outlying times when she'd travel with him. he knew that would change, leaving her home with a new life to take care of besides her own. he hated the thought of leaving her.

they needed time to think, whether it was together or just by themselves. they needed to figure out how they'd make it through, if they could. which was a question in itself.

they needed to talk because part of her didn't think he would be so accepting of the change life threw them, permanently altering their course of life and the years to follow.

deep inside, they're scared. they knew they would've been, planned or not. it didn't make it any easier. but when he asked such a simple question, it lifted a massive weight that had been carrying on her shoulders. part of her knew he'd always be so accepting. everything is an experience after all.

with every month passed, every growth of the life within her body, he'd mention. he was the nerdy type to compare the size of the baby with fruit. he'd goggle each week with every new development she'd create. it shook his mind to even comprehend. she could make bones, organs and the tiniest lashes of their soon-to-be kid all within the confines of her body. to him, it was sacred.

and of course, he'd tell just about everyone from every team. all the drivers, mechanics, pit crew, team principals, the list goes on and so does his rants about her.

countless photos of appreciation for her on his social media, after all she was carrying his child and he was ecstatic. he'd spent every waking moment he could with her, his hands always somewhere on her, prodominantly on her growing stomach.

when he felt the first kick, he pulled his hand away sharply, looking at her with a dropped jaw and wide eyes, "it kicked me!" he'd exclaim and she slapped his shoulder, scolding him.

"don't call the baby an 'it!'"

"what else am I supposed to call it?" again, earning another slap to his bicep, and he'd look at her with a growing confused look.

"stop slapping me!" he held up his arms in defense as she scowled at him, her arms crossed over her chest. she pursed her lips before sighing as he'd replace his hand on her stomach.

"babe, I don't think this baby likes me," he looked between his hand and her eyes, feeling the movement under his palm. it was a weird sensation, something he'd never expect to feel so soon, or at all.

all she could do was laugh at the stupid expression across his face as he looked back and forth in bewilderment. the warmth from his hand, and the small calluses sent goosebumps across her skin. it incited a smirk to take place on his face, but she slapped it off. he'd expect to feel more of those as the months went by, especially with all the sly comments she'd hear slip past his lips.

with every ultrasound appointment, he'd be there. he'd make sure of it, no matter where he was or what he was doing. she also scheduled them in accordance to his race and where in the world it took place.

every time, his eyes would be locked on the screen that projected his child, a part of him in another life form. a smile always creeping into his face as he held her cold hand. more often than not, he'd get curious and try to become the technician, stealing the equipment out of the professional's hand. his girlfriend would scold him like he was some sort of dog. in response he'd groan, rolling his eyes at her.

he'd still try though, and the technician laughed it off. he'd make comments to her in reassurance, "babe, i've got this," he'd tell him as his hand with the wand came closer to her stomach.

"where's your degree then?" she snapped back, giggling at his sudden pause before he shrugged, waving it off his other hand.

" 's at home."

when the time finally came to birth their new life into the world, god did lando panic. everything he had prepared himself with went out the window when she'd mutter the words he'd been waiting to hear.

"lando," she mumbled as she sat on their couch, turning to him with wide eyes, "I think it's time." her sleeve-covered hands were at her face as she bit nervously on her nails.

he'd stutter over his words, hands in his hair, "you're joking." he'd say repeatedly as he rushed around the apartment, grabbing things. he was the type to grab everything and forget her still on the couch.

she'd call him on her phone when she sees him in his car from the window, through the pain, she laughed at him, "forget something, norris?"

"no, darling, I've got everything-" she'd see his movement pause, his hand returning to his hair, "fuck!"

when he'd come back to help her, she was nearly collapsed with laughter despite the pain she felt through her body.

"stop laughing at me!" he whined but he was laughing with her. nonetheless, they'd get to the car.

she was in labor for hours, crunching on ice chips that he'd fed her carefully. he'd massage her shoulders, hold her hand when contractions got particularly unbearable. he knew not to mumble bullshit words of encouragement, a word of advice from his mum, advice he'd gladly listen to.

instead he'd show her he was there by doing everything she asked until it was time to actually deliver their child they've been waiting 9 months to finally meet.

with a pale face, lando would comment, "I think one kid is fine after all." she'd roll her eyes at his words as she held their daughter in her arms, already seeing themselves in her. she was exhausted and he knew. he put her hair up, cooing words of appreciation to her now that all was done. he took care of her.

he'd remember call his mum later to tell her thank you.

[lalacliffthorne]

🕯midnights pt. II🕯

Azriel x Reader

part I part II

summary: azriel might be too much of a distraction after all

notes: the people have spoken, we got a part II. seriously though: it's honestly and completely blowing my mind how many people read my first posts here and liked them. like - truly; it's nuts, I really can't even wrap my head around it. it's always been hard for me to find the kind of people who would read what I'm cooking up, and I'm sure that any writer would agree that, while writing is the thing that keeps us alive, we fucking thrive off interactions and being able to talk about our babies and all their little details. and this is giving me that, and I'm so fucking thankful for that, so please; never ever be shy and just write to me, talk to me, it melts my little heart to hear from you and makes me just really fucking happy.

anyways, sorry for the rambling, here´s part II of midnights, it's pure fluff and I'm not even sorry

______________________________________________________________

I couldn't handle the distraction.

Not. In. The. Slightest.

I inwardly kicked myself as Azriel gently pushed me into the guest room and slipped his hand off my lips to close the door. The lock clicked softly, and my heart jumped into my throat.

This was a really bad idea.

At least Cassian's snoring was gone.

Azriel's bare chest brushed against my shoulder, and when I looked up at him, his gaze was slowly tracking over the little bits of evidence of me. The rumpled sheets on the obscenely huge bed, the jewellery strewn over the wooden dresser and the shoes kicked off next to the door. There was a clothing rack Mor had lent me next to the window leading out to the street that was stuffed with the clothes I had saved from the water damage in the bedroom, and my books. Dozens and dozens of books stacked next to the empty fireplace.

The shadowsinger threw me a look, and I smiled sheepishly. “They would've gotten wet.”

Azriel's lips twitched, and something hot washed over me as his dark eyes tracked over my face.

This was going to be a long night.

~

I wasn't sure what exactly it was that I had expected. Maybe that my heart wouldn't be able to stop skipping, that just Azriel's presence would be enough to make focusing on anything but him absolutely impossible, and that I would spend the rest of the night tense and regretting several life choices.

My legs growing tired had not been on the list.

Shifting lightly and leaning my knees to the side, I tried to focus on the book propped against my thighs.

I had curled up on one end of the small couch at the back window, a soft blanket draped over my bare legs and a pillow stuffed into my back. Azriel was sitting on the other end, his wings relaxed and folded comfortably, body leaned lazily into the cushions, his skin shimmering in the soft, warm light. His eyes moved slowly over the pages of the book propped against his knee, his brows smoothed over and one strand of his hair falling into his forehead.

For some reason, his presence wasn't throwing me off nearly as much as I had thought it would. His steady, even breaths weren't distracting but calming, his body only a few feet away radiating warmth and grounding steadiness.

Sure, my heart still went haywire whenever I looked at him for too long, some strange feeling surging in my chest. But it wasn't uncomfortable. It was giddy, and comforting, and it made something bubble warmly in my chest, my breath hitching once in a while.

If only it wasn't for the fact that even with my legs pulled up towards my chest, my toes almost touched his thigh.

This couch wasn't meant for two people.

Would I stretch out my legs like they begged me to do, they would be draped over Azriel's lap, definitely invading what I considered personal space. It was the only reason I had not changed my position about half an hour ago, when my legs had slowly started to tingle uncomfortably, and had instead stayed frozen in my position.

Even though Azriel had not seemed to mind being close to me earlier, I didn't want to push it.

Ever since meeting him, I knew that for him, physical contact was - complicated. I had seen plenty of times when he had flinched away from it, mostly from strangers, as well meaning as they had been. He didn't seem to mind as much when it came from his friends, his family. In fact, I was pretty sure I had seen him lean into the way Rhys patted his shoulders or how the way he rolled his eyes when Cassian squeezed the living daylight out of him in a hug always looked half-hearted, his lips curving just barely in amusement, or how he let Mor mess with his hair and give him cheek kisses even though he glared at her.

I wasn't sure if he needed to trust a person to be able to accept physical contact or if it was something else entirely, but I didn't want to overstep. He looked so relaxed, calm, almost unguarded, it made something flicker in my chest.

I didn't give care if my legs turned numb if it meant he could stay like that for a little longer.

Shifting again, I barely suppressed the urge to grimace when there was a light sting in my thigh, my muscles aching.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Azriel's eyes flicker up from his book and towards me and tried to keep my breathing even, gaze moving over the words on the page before me without quite catching their meaning.

The Spymaster returned his gaze back towards his book, and I slowly let myself relax, inwardly making a face when I shifted in my seat, trying to find another position that didn't make my legs feel quite so mangled.

Big, calloused hands closed around my ankles, and my heart jumped into my throat when they pulled on my legs, dragging me down over the cushions in one swift move and causing a soft squeak to leave me when my head hit the armrest.

My breath stumbled, my eyes darted up, widening slightly, and Azriel draped my legs over his lap, my calves pressing against his thighs when he tugged the blanket around my legs and threw me a look.

“You've been squirming for half an hour.” He mumbled the words like they were an explanation, only after a few seconds adding in a grumble: “It's driving me nuts.”

My breath hitched, stilling as I stared at him as he shifted a little in his seat, sinking back until he was reclined comfortably again, draping his forearms over my shins and turning his attention back towards his book. The blanket had ridden up, and his right arm was pressing against my bare leg, but Azriel didn't seem to give a shit about personal space or physical contact as he pulled my legs closer, his right hand slipping under the blanket to gently close around my calf and hold it in place.

One corner of Azriel's lips tipped upwards a little, and without looking away from the pages, he mumbled, amusement lacing his deep, low voice: “You're staring.”

I blinked, swallowing against the sudden tightness in my throat as something fluttered in my chest, high and wild, and Azriel threw me a look, a twinkle in his amber eyes that was full of dark mischief when he raised an eyebrow lightly.

“Too much distraction?”

My lips parted in disbelief, and Azriel's lips curved like he was holding back a smirk. Then he turned his attention back towards his book.

I stared at him, gaping lightly as my heart skipped high and a ridiculously wide smile slowly stretched over my face.

You're on.

Slumping back into the cushions, I picked up my book that had fallen into my lap when Azriel had dragged me towards him, flicking back to the page I had left it. Snuggling into the cushion, my eyes moved over the page, not processing a word as my mind started working. Staring. Distraction.

Well, I could just –

Shifting, I started to tug the blanket off my legs, keeping my eyes on the pages of my book as my brows furrowed lightly in focus. Leaning up a little to pull the blanket off my feet, I dropped it onto the ground, stretching my bare legs before settling back into the cushions.

It was a long shot, but –

Azriel threw me a look, and I caught the second he blinked, his grip around my calf changing. His eyes, looking like molten gold in the warm light, moved over my legs, my shirt pushed up from him dragging me down over the cushions, now barely reaching the top of my thighs. A muscle in his jaw shifted sharply, his piercing gaze tracking up my shins, over the small scar on my knee where I had fallen as a child, up my thighs –

"Too much distraction?”

Azriel's gaze snapped up, and I lost the fight against my twitching lips when it met mine, a wide cheeky smile slowly spreading over my face, bright and mischievous, and Azriel stared at me, stared as a twinkle spread through his eyes, growing and growing just like the crease digging into his cheek.

Giggling softly under my breath, I turned my eyes back onto my book, focusing back on the pages as my heart skipped against my ribs.

Or, I tried to focus. But Azriel's hand had slipped up my leg, now resting on my shin, his scarred skin rough and warm on mine as his thumb started to slowly brush over my skin. And suddenly, nothing about him was calming anymore.

Trying to keep my breathing even, I barely suppressed the urge to swallow as I stared at the pages of my book.

From the corner of my eye, I saw the shadowsinger's lips quirk upwards.

Damn it.

Breathing out soundlessly, I tried to focus back on my book. Azriel´s thumb was slowly swiping over my skin, almost absentmindedly. It made my throat close up as something skipped against my ribs, and I shifted without even realizing.

Azriel's grip around my leg tightened, and he mumbled: “Stop that.”

“Why; am I distracting again?” I felt my lips curve as I huffed, and Az looked like he had to bite back a smile, raising a brow at me.

“Are you done squirming?”

I breathed out before closing my book with a snap, holding it up and raising a brow at him. “This is boring.”

“That's because you're still only in the beginning.” The golden flecks in Azriel's eyes twinkled. “It picks up later.”

Grumbling, I let the book slip to the ground, dropping my head back against the armrest.

Blinking at the ceiling, I listened as my heart thrummed steadily against my ribs, something warm bubbling gently in my chest, giddy and warm and comfortable.

My eyes were just closing a little when suddenly, a thought struck me that made my heart miss a beat and jump into my throat as I widened my eyes.

“Shit.”

Azriel's eyes darted up when I scrambled to get to my feet, a crease forming between his brows as he watched me, his wings flaring slightly as tension rippled through his body.

“What?”

I turned to blink at him, his shoulders suddenly rigid and body straightening, like he was ready to jump into action.

“I just remembered I ate the last of Mor's cookies.”

Azriel stared at me. Then he huffed. His shoulders sank back, and he flopped into his seat and glared at me.

“I thought -” He broke off, breathing out as he raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, but his lips twitched like he suddenly had to hold back a laugh. Shaking his head, he looked back up at me, and my breath hitched when I saw the way his eyes began to twinkle.

“What?” I felt my brows furrow, and Azriel slowly started to smirk, creases forming in his cheeks and causing something to surge high in my chest.

“Nice knowing you.”

I deadpanned, and the shadowsinger chuckled, the deep sound almost making me sway on the spot as his eyes crinkled.

“Hey, at least I planned on making a new batch.” I glared at him, but it probably looked more than a pout, judging from the way Azriel's lips curved when he pushed himself to his feet.

“Alright, come on.” His eyes were bright with amusement when he fixed his pyjama pants that had slipped dangerously low on his hips, stepping towards me and placing his hands on my shoulders. His touch sent a jolt through my body, the weight of his palms gentle when he turned me around, mumbling: “Can't have Mor killing you over a jar of cookies.”

I tried to keep myself from swallowing when his breath fanned over the top of my head, his chest bumping into my back as he started to push me towards the door, and my heart skipped a little.

Frowning lightly, I slowed my steps and looked up at him over my shoulder.

“What are you -” My eyes flickered over his face, and I blinked before breathing out and smiling, crooked and a bit cheeky as I raised my brows at him. “You can stay up here and read, you know.”

“And miss you trying to navigate our kitchen?” Azriel's brows furrowed as he opened the door, but his lips curved when he threw me a look. “No book is that entertaining.”

I tried to elbow him into the ribs, but Azriel dodged the jab, smirking in a way that got my heart stuck in my throat.

Breathing out softly and soundlessly, I allowed him to gently nudge me onto the stairs leading down into the house.

At least I could put some reasonable distance between us in the kitchen.

~

The moon was shining through the windows as we made our way down the stairs, stars and galaxies twinkling on the dark sky. When we passed Cassian´s floor and a particularly loud snore echoed from his room, I had to muffle my giggle with the back of my hand, Azriel´s chest vibrating in my back like he was laughing silently.

The living room was dipped in half-light as we made our way over to the door leading to the kitchen. I pushed it open, shivering happily at the warmth washing over me, mixed with the sweet smell of the flowers sitting on the big table over at the window. The fae lights flickered to life, flooding the room with warm, golden light when Azriel closed the door behind him, and I slipped behind the kitchen island, stretching to open the two high cupboards that functioned as a pantry before pulling myself onto the counter. The marble was cold against my knees as I straightened up and stretched to get to the container of flour on the top shelf.

Squinting in concentration, I jumped lightly when Azriel sucked in a sharp breath.

“What the –“, he interrupted himself, and I could feel the air shift behind me like his shadows had brought him there, then a hand settled on my back, warm and steady as it pressed firmly, and my fingers almost slipped on the cabinet.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Azriel sounded torn between amusement and irritation, and I grumbled: “Getting the flour. This place is built for fucking giants.”

Stretching a bit more, I could feel him shift closer, his hand pressing harder against my lower back, and my breath hitched.

Making a happy sound when my fingers closed around the container, I pulled it off the shelf. But I hadn't expected it to be quite so full and so heavy, and so I squealed softly when it dipped back, the lid sliding off, and I ducked my head when I could feel a rain of flour douse past me.

Quickly pushing the glass up and catching it with my free hand, I carefully slid it onto the counter before throwing a quick look over my shoulder – and feeling my eyes widen as my heart skipped once before stilling.

The flour had missed me, only dusting my dark shirt with a thin layer.

Azriel had not been as lucky.

The shadowsinger blinked. His lashes, usually long and dark, were now stark white, just like his hair and his face and the top of his shoulders and wings, all coated in a thick layer of powdery flour.

A soft snort left me. Then something began to bubble in my chest until I couldn't contain it anymore, and a laugh broke free, quickly turning into wild and unrestrained giggles.

A rumble grew in Azriel's chest as he started to scowl, taking a step back before shaking himself like a dog, sending flour everywhere in big white clouds. I coughed through my laughter, quickly holding onto the cabinets as my shoulders shook and I fought for air, my eyes becoming teary.

“I'm so sorry.” Laughing, I leaned my forehead against the shelves, my ribs beginning to ache as I tried to catch my breath, the image of the mighty shadowsinger, darkness personified, covered in white flour flashing before my eyes and making me break out into a new fit of giggles.

“I'm sorry, I'm –“ Breathing in deeply, I wiped over my cheeks, my belly aching as I looked over my shoulder, and Azriel blinked and turned his eyes away from my face. Scowling lightly, he raised a hand to run it over his shoulder, a thin white film of flour still dusting his tanned skin.

“Come here.” Snickering softly, I reached out a hand, and Azriel glared, but there was something in his eyes, bright and gleaming, as he slowly stepped forward until his side brushed against my ankle.

I motioned for him to drop his head, and something skipped high in my chest when Azriel's gaze dragged over my face for a second. Then he complied, and still giggling softly under my breath, I ran my hand over his shoulder, brushing off the visible remainders of flour before softly raking my fingers through his hair, shaking out the white dust.

Azriel´s shoulders grew rigid. His wings rustled before shuddering, and I quickly pulled my hand away, my heart leaping into my throat.

“Sorry,”, I mumbled, smiling softly and sheepishly, and my heart missed a step when I saw the muscles in Azriel's back shift.

The shadowsinger breathed out, his shoulders sinking back as he raised his head, and the soft twinkle in his eyes made me exhale soundlessly.

“Are you done up there or do I need to seek shelter?”

I snorted, turning back around with a wide grin. “Shut up.”

I could feel the coolness of shadows brush my feet, and when I threw a quick look over my shoulder, pools of darkness cleaned up the white dust on the floor. Azriel was still hovering behind me, shadows brushing over his wings to clean off the white residue before whispering and grazing down his back.

Pulling the sugar and the chocolate chips from the cupboard, I set them down next to the flour, then I pressed my hands onto the counter and slid off the surface. My bare feet hit the floor, and my heart missed a beat when my back hit Azriel´s chest.

Quickly taking a step forward, I looked over my shoulder to sent him a sheepish smile, but something got lodged into my throat when my eyes met Azriel's, trained onto my face, dark and deep in the light.

“Are you going to climb onto anything else or am I spared from more heartattacks?” His mumbled words were like a gentle shiver down my spine, his head dropped a little to look down on me as his eyes tracked over my face, something in them I couldn't quite decipher. There was still a smudge of flour on his cheek, and my fingers itched to brush it away.

My heart skipped softly, and I felt my lips curve until I was smiling, wide and a bit cheeky. “No, I think you're good.”

Azriel stared at me, hair tousled and shoulder muscles shifting, and I had to tear my eyes away because suddenly, my chest felt like it was about to burst.

“Alright, uhm,”, I scratched my forehead and tried to remember why I was standing in the kitchen, “I – need butter and eggs.” Turning around, I pulled both from next to the box with bread.

Azriel retreated as I started measuring the ingredients, pouring water into the kettle before placing it on the stove. I had just mixed together the eggs and the soft butter when his chest brushed against my shoulder and he placed a mug in front of me, steaming softly and spreading the smell of sweet berries.

Silence settled over the kitchen, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt like it had earlier, up in the guest room. I could feel Azriel, feel his eyes on me, but it only made something flutter softly against my ribs, giddy and warm. The fae lights plunged the kitchen in a warm, cozy light while outside, the night sky glittered with stars and the oven hummed.

By the time I had rolled the dough into little balls and put the first tray into the oven, my braid had become loose. Pulling off the ribbon tying it off, I unravelled it, turning around as I brushed some strands behind my ear, and my eyes met Azriel's.

My breath hitched.

“What?”

The shadowsinger stared at me, and slowly, one corner of the his lips tipped up just barely, but there was something in his eyes when he pushed off the island, slowly stepping closer. It almost looked like he was battling something in his mind as his gaze flickered over my face. Then he blinked and stretched out a hand, mumbling: “You've got a little –“

His thumb brushed over my cheek, gently rubbing over a spot next to the corner of my lips.

Suddenly, breathing felt difficult, something skipping so high in my chest, it reached my throat.

Swallowing harshly, I watched with my heart pounding against my ribs as Azriel took a step closer until his chest gently bumped into mine. His hand rested against my jaw, palm warm and rough against my skin that had started tingling under his touch, something changing between hot and cold running up and down my spine, my body freezing up when the shadowsinger's piercing eyes darted over my face. He blinked, then he dropped his head lightly.

When his nose brushed against mine, my breath faltered and my whole body went completely still. The only thing I could feel was my heart, pounding flatly and shakingly as Azriel´s scent drowned me and his warm breath hit my lips.

Azriel carefully nudged his nose against mine, halting. I could feel the way his breath trembled slightly, his throat working like he tried to hold back the urge to swallow.

It felt like he was waiting. Expecting me to pull back.

But I just fought the tighteness in my throat and hesitantly raised my chin.

When my lips brushed over Azriel´s, a shudder went through his body. His hand slipped over my jaw to the back of my neck, and he broke the last bit of distance, pulling me forward to crash his lips onto mine.

Something surged in my chest, growing warmer and bigger with every second, fluttering madly.

A whimper built at the back of my throat, and I reached out to grip Azriel's sides the same moment his free hand rose to cup the side of my neck. He was kissing me like I was air and he was drowning, deep, hard and desperate, his tongue dragging over mine, fingers winding through my hair as he took a step forward. His chest pressed firmly into mine, his brows drawn together and breath harsh against my skin, and my heart skipped so high, it got stuck in my throat.

When Azriel pulled back to suck in a sharp breath, his thumb brushing over my skin as he pressed his forehead against mine, breathing heavily, my heart was pounding and I wasn't quite sure where up was and where down. My nose brushed against Azriel's, and I swore I could feel his breath stumble.

Swallowing, I eased my grip on his sides, my voice a bit hoarse when I mumbled: “Gone?”

Azriel breathed a huff, and my heart skipped when I opened my eyes to see a grin slowly spreading over his face, causing his eyes to crinkle and a crease digging into his cheek, his iris twinkling so brightly my breath hitched. Then he dipped his head, and my heart tumbled when his lips pressed against the spot on my cheek, tongue darting out and swiping over my skin.

When he pulled back, his iris was twinkling and my breath flat. There was something there in his iris, something that matched the strange surging feeling in my chest and that made my body feel light like air as his eyes flickered over my face.

“You're staring,”, he mumbled, the harsh rasp in his deep voice betraying him, and I felt my lips curve slowly into a wide, beaming smile.

“Want me to stop?"

Azriel stared at me, and his eyes became even brighter as his deep voice rumbled through me.

"Never."

[xjulixred45x]

If you don't mind me can I request male reader who like Akaza from Demon slayer with the Hazbin Hotel.

Bonus: respect woman.

Hello! Normally i would Say no bc My Requests are Closed but you're lucky that i'm in a good mood to write and also i am a fan of this Man✨ 😭

Thanks for the Request ❤️

(to the other Readers, don't take this as something usual, the Requests are still Closed, i'm just in the mood to write THIS for now)

Akaza! Reader in Hazbin Hotel

Genre: headcanons

Reader: male

Warnings: Reader is a fighter, violence(?), hell, slight change in Akaza story so its not a Copy-paste and make "more sense",idk, I MAKE THIS IN A RUSH OF ✨INSPIRATION✨SO ITS NOT PROFFHEAD!!

You were born and raised in the Edo era, in Japan. and it was a nightmare.

You lived in poverty all your life, practically alone with your sick father who could barely take care of himself, but he always tried to take care of you above all else.

You spent a lot of your life trying to take care of him back, but it was difficult because of money, you couldn't afford it. so you did the only thing you could think of: steal medicine.

Obviously many times this didn't turn out well, and they ended up catching you and taking you to be beaten and tattooed like a criminal, but it was the kind of life you led until your father died.

That was when you hit rock bottom, but you met certain people who helped you move forward. a martial arts master and his sick daughter (who reminded you a lot of your father).

And it was the time when you lived better, you took care of your teacher's daughter and you learned from him, you had a good life.

you and his daughter even fell in love!

everything had fallen into place in your life...

until conflicts broke out again.

You don't remember much about your last days of life, it was a cycle of going, killing whoever got in your way, returning with whatever you wanted from your group, and whatever followed...

You just wanted to go home.

but you died before that.

and just as you expected, after everything you had done wrong in your life, you ended up in hell.

It wasn't exactly like the hell you had imagined growing up, but it was definitely difficult to adjust, knowing that you were dead, in this hole of misery, far from them...

but you didn't waste your time. You discovered quite quickly that several of your physical abilities had stayed with you, so you took advantage of them and became a quite formidable demon.

You wouldn't say you were an Overlord, but you were definitely an anomaly to Hell's QUO status, a demon who had become powerful without the need for owning souls.

something very strange.

so many Overlords, feeling threatened, tried to go after you, only to never be seen again...

As for the Hotel issue, I think that Akaza! reader would be skeptical, I don't think he would have a problem offering himself as a test subject for the hotel because 1- there is Alastor, someone very strong, and 2- he has a small hope that the hotel will work and maybe, just maybe he can redeem himself and go. to heaven with his love and his teacher, what he loves most. although he wouldn't say the last thing out loud.

Speaking of relationships, Alastor and him can actually get along in a very ambiguous way, Alastor is not happy with someone who is so strong without even having souls of their own, so he is cautious, but not in a threatening way.

Although there is something these two have in common, THEY RESPECT WOMEN.

Alastor can definitely introduce him to Akaza! read several of his female friends to be more "social" and get possible blackmail material.

Alastor secretly knows of the possible motives behind why Akaza! Reader would like the hotel to work, he thinks he is naive, but he doesn't make fun, Alastor partly understands why he feels that way. leaves him alone in that sense.

...but it bothers him in every other way! using it as an armrest, innocuous phrases, crushing it with things out of nowhere, etc. He always has something up his sleeve to piss him off.

but they can ally if women get involved ;)

Charlie is so so so so so happy to have Akaza! reader as another participant alongside Angel and Sir Pentious! She constantly thanks him for his collaboration and tells him how much it means to her.

Lots of encouragement during the trust exercises! she realizes that Akaza! Reader is not very talkative, and although he does not force him to change, he "subtly" encourages him to be more open with the exercises.

Although that does not mean that she admits the fights, she tries to encourage Akaza! reader to find another way to get out his anger and energy in less destructive ways.

I think I would be the only one who knows through Akaza! reader why he wants the hotel to work, and she is SO MOVED by him because Reader wants to redeem himself and that gives him a lot of motivation to do more exercises.

Aunaue is also sometimes a double-edged sword because she feels pressured not only by wanting to help her friends, but also by Akaza's cute motive! reader.

Akaza! reader is very protective of Charlie even if she is the princess of hell, he is like a bodyguard! or a very loyal pitbull. Charlie finds it endearing (but please don't rip that demon's head off please---)

Vaggie is scared of Akaza at first! reader for his aggressive nature.

She is afraid that he will end up directing that destructive energy towards them if he is very angry, so she is very cautious at first.

but eventually she can relax more and more with him as she realizes that (at least with women) he's not going to explode on anyone who doesn't deserve it. and that in fact he is a good man.

sparring together! Vaggie feels kind of bad that he doesn't have a gun, but is surprised at how tough he is.

If she finds out his reason behind going to the hotel, she supports him a lot in his journey of redemption, more than before, she empathizes with him.

They both have similar motives.

Vaggie really appreciates when Akaza! reader defends the female staff against Angel's out-of-place comments. she may even allow him to hit him.

You two are the main people in charge of protecting the hotel.

Let's be honest, Angel dust at first was just "flirting"/sexually harassing Akaza! reader until he beat him up and never did it again.

He thought he was simply bitter about life until he remembered that on one occasion he told him that "he was taken" and he didn't take it so personally.

After the duet with Husk, he went directly to apologize to him and they were on bad terms.

Angel occasionally likes to prank him like everyone else in the hotel, but he's considerably less annoying with Akaza! reader because he knows what he is capable of.

When he eventually finds out why he is "taken" and why someone like him is in the hotel, he can't help but empathize with him a lot (from his sister in heaven), and tries to be his "Husk" at his lowest moment. .

Even if technically Akaza!reader is stronger than him in every way, he takes care of him in his own way, watching his drink, not being robbed, etc.

Angel is definitely not used to so much respect when it comes to his gender identity, which is why he respects Akaza a lot! reader.

They generally start off on the wrong foot but manage to be friends.

Husk likes Akaza! reader, simply because it gets on Alastor's nerves and because he knows that he won't kick the ass of someone who doesn't deserve it. He knows everyone is safe with him.

He definitely knows about his reason for being in the hotel and pities him, respects his privacy a lot after that and doesn't let him talk drunk.

Husk may get to have his "loser baby" moment with Akaza! reader but in a platonic way, helping him when it is especially difficult to stay away from violence.

They can even have a father-son relationship, Husk is very similar to Akaza's teacher! reader in many ways EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING so Akaza! reader feels comfortable with him.

she definitely tells him things about her past as Overlord to entertain him.

Sir Pentious at first was TERRIFIED of Akaza!reader, his reputation was as a tough guy who went after evil people and Pentious (having his poor self-image) thought he would kill him as soon as he saw him.

but fortunately it was not like that!

but he was definitely avoiding it for DAYS before he heard from the others that Akaza!reader wasn't that bad and was actually quite nice. to give him a chance.

and Pentious did just that. and he was VERY surprised.

Akaza! reader has had to dismantle several of Sir Pentious's evil machines using his enormous strength, and although Pentious was heartbroken to see his machines destroyed, he was also VERY surprised by Akaza!reader's capabilities, even giving me more things to do. break and test their strength (imagine this pair getting to know the Rage Rooms).

Pentious Minnions occasionally go to Akaza! reader when P. is not there, which is fun to see because Akaza!reader would try to get away from the Minions that come after him like ducks.

Akaza! reader clearly notices Pentious's crush on Cherri, and encourages him to do something now that he has time.

(Can you imagine Akaza! reader's Koyuki becoming friends with Pentious in heaven? It would be Epico).

Mononeuronal pair.

Niffty is strange.

but I can definitely see Akaza! reader protecting it constantly. so Niffty likes him. But I wouldn't really say they are friends.

In general, everyone has some kind of respect for Akaza! reader. They hope you can reach your goal.

Shares, reglogs and comments are very welcome!

Again, this DOES NOT MEAN that orders are open again! I'm just taking a break and deciding what things to write and what not to. thanks for the request ✨❤️

[cononeillbreastingboobily]

Thoughts and feelings about Izzy in s2ep4 and what it means to me as a fellow disabled person:

Yeah, so, that episode, huh?

You know, I already knew going into this new season that Izzy's storyline is going to hit me hard regardless of the exact little plot points it might have, but it's only now, several hours after I've watched eps 4&5 that I'm really starting to digest what his story means to me in it's current shape. This is... a bit long. I also mention a character from a different show - Isaac from Sex Education.

Izzy has always been a bit of a dick, right? That's the reason a lot of people hated him in the first season.

Well, now he is a bit of a dick and disabled. And let me tell you how fucking ecstatic I am about that.

You see, looking for disabled characters in media I consume has rarely been gratifying - if they are there at all, which already is rare, they have very little to do, and if they're even semi-important, they're almost always the epitomes of goodness. Nice, understanding, quiet, patient.

Barely there.

The first time I truly felt something change in this area was with the appearance of Isaac in Netflix's Sex Education. He's sarcastic, funny, talented, honest and mean.

The fandom of that show hated Isaac, let me tell you.

It was mostly because he took direct action to separate the main ship of the show that had many people obsessed. As you'd expect. People's ableism immediately jumped out. As you'd expect.

Because how dare he have his own motivations and wants, and to do what he thinks is right?

Barely there.

And now we have Izzy. Izzy, who also did what he thought was right, which in s1 of the show was trying to separate Ed and Stede. He wasn't trying to make himself too likeable at any point (well. when the crew almost mutinied on him in s1 he did do a last ditch effort but. you remember how well that went).

My point is that now we have someone who isn't particularly nice, and now he's dealing with a sudden loss of ability in his body, which is going to make him even worse. He's angry! Of course he is! He's hobbling around with half a leg gone, humiliated, exhausted, barely recovered from impromptu amputation, no anesthesia. And a suicide attempt! He's angry at himself, his body, at Ed, at Stede, at God if he still believes in one, and who knows who else.

He isn't suddenly going to become nicer to people just because. He doesn't need to be humbled.

(a little sidenote: I do not accept the reasoning that Izzy somehow deserved to lose his leg, that "oh what did he expect riling up Ed when he was heartbroken?" etc. He wasn't expecting to get shot in the fucking leg. Nobody fucking deserves that, and if you think that Ed shooting him in the leg and Izzy subsequently having to have it amputated was an "appropriate punishment" for "what he's done", you're just cruel and wrong. Now scram.)

But that's the point. Disabled people deserve help regardless of whether or not we are nice.

Thankfully (not from Izzy's point of view - his pride was definitely bruised in that moment) the crew saw him struggle, and acted in kind. Because Izzy is their dick. And now - also their unicorn.

And it means so much to me that we get the representation of disabled people who thrash around and rattle the bars of their societal cages, furious at the world that isn't welcoming to us, and receive love and care and an invitation to a loving community regardless.

We shouldn't have to be here just when ableds are ready to give. We aren't meek vessels for your good will. Izzy is such a painfully realistic (as far as the universe of the show permits, given it's unavoidable goofiness) portrayal of the anger of someone who's lost some of their body's past ability, and how one might deal with it.

And I really wanted to say something about that, because I'm afraid it might get lost in the discussion about the more popular and more easily digestible aspects of the show.

[dropthedemiurge]

Love for Love's Sake | Things You Didn't Notice #9

(okay it's not an episode number this time i just still have many details to point out oops pls let me go)

I swear. I thought I'd stop mentioning small details because I already wrote like 10 posts on Tumblr translating and explaining all the cultural stuff regarding this show and the obsession is already becoming embarrassing, but I rewatched the last episodes again and I've got tiny. Little. Details. That I can't help but point people to once again. Because damn, the amount of thought put into this show!

(trigger warning: first part talks about suicide and depression, next ones are linguistic and cultural)

The Black Suit & The Sea

I would've asked Koreans I know about the significance of such symbolism but they are celebrating Seollal (New Year) today and I don't wanna ruin the festive mood asking about "how would people dress for suicide" x)

But after watching this scene, I recognized some strong parallels in Korean media depicting depression, suicide and one's decision to end their life. One of it is bridges and jumping (if you don't know what Bridge of Life is, ask me and I'll share, so this post wouldn't become too long) but another one is sea.

My interpretation - Koreans wear black suits to funerals, so if someone is headed to the sea in a black suit, it might mean this is the character's attempt to "have" their own funeral before finally ending their life. Why do I think this combination is somehow significant?

Because I remembered a music video one of K-pop artists I like (Kim Hanbin) made, after he experienced the downfall of career, extreme hate and rejection from the public, and severe depression. His whole album Waterfall tells Hanbin's personal story, dark thoughts and his battle to survive during the time when he was gone for 2 years, but in the music video for this album (illa illa) he is seen emerging from the sea in a black suit – metaphorically regaining his music and, most importantly, desire to live. Watch with lyrics!

If we think, this is how you depict suicidal thoughts/attempt in Korean media (of course, Love for Love's Sake was even more blunt in telling us the meaning), then Myungha wearing black suit wasn't just for the pretty or dramatic picture. More than that, we see him wearing the black suit for the whole last evening – especially when he goes to finally meet his mother.

Which tells us Myungha has already decided to disappear from this world, and was determined to do it on that day, and his mother rejecting him and pretending she doesn't know her son might not have been just the last straw... but it definitely could've been Myungha's last attempt to find anything in his life worth staying for, worth not going through with his plan.

Anyway, what a scary but beautiful symbolism.

Let's talk about something happier! More heartwarming!

Do you remember when we talked about the carefully placed movie posters in previous episodes? I payed more attention to the background this time when in Episode 8 Yeowoon ran to the cinema searching for Myungha in his world. And what an amazing discovery! When Myungha starts existing again and calls Yeowoon, the movie poster behind Yeowoon says "Guardian" (보호자).

And I already said in another post that Myungha in previous episodes admitted himself being Yeowoon's "guardian, protector" in the exact same word. But now this word is shown next to Yeowoon! As Yeowoon is the one who changed the main mission and has now declared himself Myungha's guardian and protector and will do his best to make him (his favourite pereson/bias/blorbo) happy. They have now both become guardians for each other. This. Goddamn. Show.

And I also want to shout out the VFX & Production team for this show – all the visual effects are very down to earth, gentle and not over the top but enhancing the series to the max. Like, maybe you wondered where on the screen does it say "Monday, August 14" and "Saturday, August 12"? Well, as expected, you see it on four monitor screens above the box office – the date, the ongoing movies (yep, still our favourite two fake movies) and available dates etc.

But when Yeowoon and Myungha agree to meet each other in the exact system time, they are facing each other without a barrier, and the screens are now counting down the time until the Game End. Instead of normally showing movies, like in the previous shot, it says "Time remaining: 3 hours, 23 minutes, 15 seconds". It was either done with VFX or practically, but still, the thought of incorporating system messages into the actual background is insane and I'm always happy to discover such details.

I don't know how many of you have motivational stairs at your schools, we definitely didn't have this but it's quite a popular thing in Korea. They put popular and uplifting sayings for students on each stair, sometimes they even quote motivational phrases from idols, like this:

And it's interesting that when system gets broken and Myungha is about to disappear, we see the deep cracks coming through the stairs, we see ruined school BUT at the same time the quotes in the show are so obviously in our focus. And they are already written (see screenshots above) in Korean and English, but I'll still write down: one is saying "Stay hungry, stay foolish" and "If you dream it, you can do it, you will succeed". So, perhaps... motivational quotes from sunbae?

And the last moment isn't heavy on translation but I still want to talk about it because cool Korean culture!xD You see the gang grilling meat on the roof (it's called samgyeopsal and it's very popular to have for gatherings), and then Myungha makes a "ssam" and feeds it to Yeowoon – but Sangwon steals it.

Ssam is a wrap, you grill meat then put it on the salad leaf, add other ingredients (like mushrooms, sauces, garlic, green onions etc, there are many side dishes) and then you wrap it in this sort of salad sack and eat it. It's very tasty and unusual combination. But the thing is! There is no way to make it for someone else and leave it on their plate so if you make a ssam wrap for someone and want to give it to a person, you literally have to feed them (like Myungha does with a very fond smile). This is why it's often seen as a romantic gesture (aka feeding someone from your fork etc) and why it's hilarious that Sangwon steals this ssam from Yeowoon (because he wants and he gets Myungha's affection and he's not above being a brat about it!)

I'm sure you can already sense it anyway without me telling you about romantic/close-friend implications, but I thought you guys might wonder why are the guys fighting over the salad leaf.

Another funny thing – Sangwon mentions "There's a saying, 'Don't scold dogs while they eat'". This is a Korean proverb "밥 먹을 때는 개도 안 때린다" ("You don't hit even a dog when it eats") which means that, no matter how annoying you find someone, no matter how angry you are, you can't scold this person while they are eating. Eating is a very important cultural thing in Asia, of course, so do not have arguments at the dinner :D But it's funny how Sangwon uses old proverbs to be mischievous and steal Myungha's love without consequences xD I adore him

I swear, this gotta be my last post about all the details in Love for Love's Sake. There is one more scene with the mirror and a caption, and I'm very curious if it means something because it was seen twice, during system breaking down scene as well, but it's either in Chinese or Japanese and I can't read it.

Anyway! Hope you enjoyed your everyday magazine, I love reading all your tags and thoughts and comments, and if you want to read all my previous translations and pointed out cultural details in Love for Love's Sake, go read this tag!=)

[meaeris]

beyond all expectations

pairing: sebastian sallow x f.mc

genres: fluff, (a little) angst

summary: in which the protagonist is practicing to become an animagus and things, contrary to her expectations, go exactly as planned. more or less.

warnings: takes place one year later. spoiler for sebastian's quest. mention of character's death. hurt/trauma. Mc has a random name because i don't like using y/n or 2nd pov.

A.N. hi! i don't usually write fanfictions since english is not my first language, but i had this cute scenario in mind and had to write it down, so forgive some mistakes and inaccuracies. this is a repost from ao3. thank you for reading and interactions are super appreciated!

The problem was that Allie, wonder-child and proud Slytherin, had underestimated her abilities.

She didn't think for a moment that she would be able to transform so soon and, above all, she didn't think that the transformation would be so well executed that she wouldn’t be able to return to her human form.

"Don't panic" she thought, panicking.

Certainly Hogwarts couldn’t be defined as a cheap structure in terms of grandeur, yet now everything around her appeared immensely bigger and infinitely more majestic. She turned around and watched her own tail wag furiously behind her. Cats do that when they're nervous, right? She didn't know. She wasn't a cat expert whatsoever, for the only ones she had to deal with were the ones that roamed the castle. And now, herself.

A wave of delusion swept over her. It couldn't have been worse. Of all the animals she could turn into, a cat? Such a common animal? Her Slytherin pride was more than slightly hurt. Peering through some reflective surfaces, she managed to take a glimpse of her appearances: short gray fur, slender paws and deep aquamarine eyes. She wasn't just some common breed, at least. What was it called? A russian blue? Perhaps. Although there weren't traces of blue whatsoever.

The girl-prodigy (that's how some people called her) tried and retried several times to return to her normal form. She failed. A Slytherin who couldn't revert back a spell? What would her housemates say? What would her professors say? And after everything she had accomplished the year before! Defeated goblins, dragons, dark wizards… yet now the obstacle was herself.

She sneaked out of the girls' bathroom where she had been practicing until a few minutes ago and attempted to interact with the other students. Maybe someone would recognize her?

Misplaced hopes. Everyone mistook her for an ordinary cat, one of the many that occupied the school. Only a tiny less friendly, as she hissed and quickly sprang away whenever someone tried to pet her.

"Merlin's beard, why is this castle so big?!" she thought more and more irritated. She had no idea what to do. The worst thing? She could involuntarily transform back any time and end up naked in the corridors. In front of everyone. No. She would rather remain a cat forever.

"Of course, the wand! I'm an idiot, I could have brought it with me. Maybe showing it to someone will make them realize it's me."

She went back, not without getting lost a couple of times. Her sense of direction, now that she was seeing everything from a different perspective, had definitely worsened. The bathrooms were empty, and the room in which she had changed was still locked from the inside. With difficulty, she slipped again under the wooden doors and found her wand submerged by the clothes. She took the wand with her mouth, but she couldn’t manage to make it pass through the big pile of clothing. She wasn’t used to her feline body yet and everything felt like learning to walk for the first time. Her mouth felt stuck and the wand abnormally heavy. From bad to worse, no one would have noticed her clothes because from the outside it would have looked like an occupied bathroom.

She got an idea. She headed to Professor Onai's divination classroom, hoping to run into Natty. As the only Animagus she knew, the Gryffindor girl was aware of her attempts to become one. But so far every attempt had been unsuccessfull. Until that day.

She arrived at the entrance of the classroom, but realized she had forgotten an important detail: the ladder in front of her. She would have never been able to climb it, not in this form. She started meowing wildly, hoping someone would hear. It worked. Professor Onai, perhaps annoyed by that cry (which in her hindsight sounded more like a cat about to vomit), looked out from the upper entrance with a soft smile.

- You can't stay here, little one. Class is about to start. Shoo!

And that was that. The teacher disappeared and the girl (cat) stood there, looking up, as if expecting divine help. She cursed (meowing).

The lesson would last a long time, she didn't have time to wait. She had to do something.

If Natty wasn't available, there were only two options left.

She wasn't too proud of it, but in two years at Hogwarts she hadn't managed to make that many friends. Despite everything she'd done to save the school? Well... yes. But perhaps it was her fault, as she’d never been the reincarnation of friendship and affection, as much as she tried. Only Ominis Gaunt and Sebastian Sallow could define themselves as “companions”, at the moment. A direct consequence of sharing a deadly adventure that ends in tragedy. Natty and Poppy? Good company, surely, but they didn't have many occasions to meet, being from different houses and all.

It had now been a year since Sebastian's uncle died, and he still hadn't been able to forgive himself. He smiled and joked around much less than before. Everyone noticed that. Ominis, for his part, took a long time to accept things as they were, but when he realized that Sebastian needed friends, now more than ever, he decided that regret was better than anger. The three had become even more close, and they seldom left each other’s side. Although the topic was left untouched and a tense atmosphere was palpable everytime someone received a letter from their relatives.

She immediately thought of Ominis. He was the more conscientious of the two, the one with common sense, some would say, and he would have certainly uncovered her transformation if it wasn’t for a small... technical problem. He would simply hear her meowing madly and he would, rightfully so, ignore her, as he did with most of the cats. Although Sebastian admitted he caught the Gaunt boy secretly feeding them a couple of times.

And Sebastian? Well, let's just say she had been trying to avoid him lately. Not out of malice, but due to the effect that the boy's presence was having on her stomach. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but at the same time... it scared her. She was scared that this feeling had a name. After all, who would ever consider someone like her that way? Sebastian was smart, charismatic and charming, traits that certainly didn't went unnoticed by fellow Slytherin (or not) gals. At the same time, he exuded this unapproachable aura that seemed to scare his suitors away. Although some would say it was due to his close friendship with Ominis, despite the Gaunt boy being one of the kindest people she ever met... despite his, well, mood swings. He certainly didn't deserve such a treatment just because of his family reputation.

At the moment she had no choice. Burying useless emotions inside, she knew where Sebastian was, for they roamed together so often now that she had learned their schedules. She made her way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower and luckily, she spotted Sebastian walking out of the classroom. She waited until he was isolated from the other students and tried to get his attention. She waddled towards him and began meowing at his legs.

"Sebastian! It's me!"

- Hello there, small one. Are you looking for attention? - said the boy, kneeling at the height of the feline. His scottish accent sounded more pronounced with her feline ears.

"NO! I mean, yes, but not in that way!"

- How precocious. Are you hungry?

"No! I mean, I kinda am now that I think about it... but that's not important now!"

She tried everything: she rolled, jumped, scratched his shoes (which caused a gasp of disappointment) and even tried to stand on two legs. All of which only contributed to the "hungry cat" image that Sebastian already had. Other than making her own head spin.

- I'm sorry, I don't have any food for you - Sebastian shook his head in amusement and started to walk away, but Allie, desperate, followed him. A few minutes later Ominis showed up, wand in hand.

- What’s going on? – he asked, probably having heard the miserable cry from afar.

- I don’t know, this cat seems to be mad at me. It's been following me since I left the classroom.

"Then ask yourself some questions!"

Ominis raised an eyebrow.

- Maybe it's hungry. Or in heat.

"OMINIS!"

The two laughed and simply left her there.

“Come back, you buffoons! Don't leave me alone!”

- Shall we go to the Undercroft? Allie should join us soon.

Of course! Only the three of them knew about that place. If she showed that she knew, somehow, maybe they would finally put two and two together. Besides, if she was late, they would get suspicious. She was never late for anything. Of course, except that time she managed to be late for her sorting ceremony, but that was a special case out of her control.

She ran away, under Sebastian's perplexed gaze, and preceded them towards the entrance to the Undercroft, a gothic clock meticulously decorated by blue and gold hues, an elegant design that recalled the starry sky.

The only positive thing about the situation was that she got there before them, thanks to her four legs.

When Sebastian noticed her, he didn't hide a surprised grin. It didn't happen often, but the freckles on the boy's face seemed to stand out even more. She liked that expression a lot and, for a second, thought it was kinda cute.

- What the...

Ominis lowered his wand.

- What are you doing here? - Sebastian remarked more and more confused.

- Did it follow us?

- I'm positive it got here before us.

-Well, it's a cat… it wouldn't surprise me if it knew this place better than we do.

"Ominis, you and your logic, shut up for once!"

Sebastian abandoned himself to a slight smirk.

- Well, I don't think a cat might blurt out anything about this place. If it wants to come, let it come.

After her meow of approval, Sebastian walked over and bent down to pick her up. Normally she would have wriggled herself free if it was anyone else. But Sebastian wasn't anyone else. She relaxed and the floor moved far from of her view, making her feel slightly dizzy. She may have been a cat, but she’d been one for less than an hour.

Sebastian snuggled her into his arms and her heart went crazy, leaping into her throat.

- It's purring - Ominis noted, hinting a smile.

- And here I thought you hated me - Sebastian joked with his typical flirty tone.

“I want to dig a hole and bury myself in.”

When this was over, she was going to obliviate anyone that knew, she thought. They crossed the rusty gate and, once inside, Sebastian left her on the ground. The poor teen (cat), still panicking and probably thinking about a spell for grave-digging, didn't move for a couple of minutes.

- It could keep us company, as long as we are careful not to cast spells on him by mistake - Sebastian suggested, taking off his robe and placing it on the ground in a corner. He took out his wand and twirled it with his wrist, as if practicing movements.

- Are you sure it’s a him?

- I don’t know.

- I've heard that females have a smaller head compared to males.

Sebastian looked closely at her, who was now sitting next to them. If any other cat saw her right now, they would have probably stayed kilometers away from her.

- I frankly can't tell... if nothing else, I almost have the impression that it can understand what we're saying.

"I do in fact, and yet you're just spouting nonsense!"

She meowed in disapproval and two heads whipped towards her.

- See? - said the brunette.

- It is kinda bizarre - Ominis confirmed, perplexed.

- Maybe it belongs to someone and it got lost. We should take it to the professors later.

"You two are definitely not Ravenclaw."

The two spoke no more. Sebastian practiced with the training dummies while Ominis read a book in braille.

She had run out of ideas. She had tried everything, and the two seemed to ask the right questions, but not enough. So she just lay there, taking everything in for once, admiring her friends. Maybe it was the new point of view, but Sebastian definitely got taller, compared to last year. Taller and sturdier, although his complexion remained the perfect mix of soft and manly features. Ominis didn't change much, but bis cheekbones were more prominent and slightly higher, framing a tad more mature face. On the other hand, she remained exactly as she's always been, if not with increased dark circles and puffiness under her eyes.

An hour later Sebastian realized something was wrong.

- She's late - he observed, leaning against a big box and taking a breath. - How many times has it happened so far?

- In two years? Never, - Ominis confirmed, - Except that time she was held by Professor Garlick for being bitten on the ear by a chomping cabbage.

- That was actually rather funny. It was the first time I saw Allie spill some tears.

At the mention of her name (and trying really hard to ignore what he’d just said), she got up and leapt at Sebastian's legs, meowing so wildly that from afar it would have sounded like someone was torturing a stray cat.

This attracted Ominis' attention, who took his hands away from the book and placed it at his feet. He was getting suspicious.

Sebastian knelt down and inquisitively looked into her light eyes. She reciprocated, but that strange feeling in her stomach didn't take long to manifest.

- Here’s the thing… - he began, tilting his head towards Ominis with his eyes half closed. - Didn't Allie say she was training to become an Animagus?

Ominis knew immediately what he was implying. - For some months, yes.

- Did she ever succeed?

- As far as I know, never.

She meowed again and spun around.

Sebastian's eyes seemed to light up for a moment.

- Could it be... is that you, Allie?

"At last! Honour your name, Mr Sallow!"

She meowed and jumped, twice.

Sebastian took his wand, pointed it at the animal and spelt "Revelio!".

Nothing happened.

Sebastian sighed. - Maybe I'm reading too much into it...

At this, before Ominis could intervene, she lost her patience and grabbed his trousers with her pointed teeth, biting his skin in the process.

- Ouch! Okay, wait, let me try again! What was the spell... I read it once in a book of transfiguration…

He thought about it for a moment, until he snapped his fingers in ecstasy. He cast a spell she had never heard before and a blue light enveloped her body. For a moment she felt nothing. Then she sensed that her body began to change. Without thinking twice, she ran over to the robe Sebastian had set down earlier and mentally thanked him for doing so.

The transformation was undone and Allie found herself with Sebastian's robe wrapped around her body.

- Finally! Everything is at its right height. That was horrible! - she cried, stretching and shrinking in order to feel her bones again.

Perhaps from the effect of the spell, or perhaps from the sudden cold of the dungeons, she sneezed.

- Merlin! - Sebastian exclaimed, and turned away uneasy with eyes wide open.

- Allie? It's you? - Ominis asked, turning towards her, and for once she was thankful that he couldn't see.

Sebastian was looking at the wall. - What the bloody hell happened?

- I wish I knew! I was practicing the whole Animagus thing in the bathrooms, when suddenly it worked, and I...

- You were practicing? - Sebastian repeated.

- Yes.

- In the bathrooms? - he began to turn around to show his disappointment, but soon realized the embarrassing situation she was in and changed his mind.

-Yes. I mean, no... wait, that doesn't matter! Contrary to my predictions, it worked, too well in fact, and I couldn't turn back. Took you long enough to notice!

- How were we supposed to know?! You could have asked the professors!

- Ask, how, exactly? All I could do was meow. And besides, admit to a professor that I failed such a simple thing after all I've been through? No way. It would have been humiliating!

Sebastian didn't say anything more, as if he got the point.

- Well, for instance... you should put some clothes on.

She blushed furiously. - I would do it myself, but my wand was left in the bathroom along with everything else.

- It's fine - interrupted Ominis. - I'll go get them.

Probably understanding the situation better than Sebastian, Ominis offered himself to go retrieve everything. How, she didn't want to ask, but she trusted Ominis more than anyone.

- Thank you...

Ominis went through the secret passage. Two of them were left.

She sighed, both tired and awkward about the whole situation. - I'm sorry for all this mess. I really didn't think it would work… it was honestly just for fun.

Sebastian sighed and seemed to realize the irony of the situation. He giggled. - It's all right. But I think you should stop underestimating yourself so much.

She slumped her shoulders. Maybe it was the tense situation, or maybe it was the fact that she felt naked for the first time in front of someone (metaphorically and physically). She felt like confiding in Sebastian. - You'd think that after all that happened last year I'd be more confident, but it's not easy.

Sebastian crouched, leaning against a stone wall, a leg bent over his chest, the other stretched on the cold floor. He turned to look into her eyes, feeling the discussion was getting serious.

- You guys had four years to practice magic, but I had just one year to catch up with you lots. And yet everyone has expectations from me. I have to prove myself, and I have to do it quickly. Otherwise-

"I may as well turn back to my pitiful muggle life" she thought, but didn't say it out loud.

- I think you proved yourself enough - Sebastian admitted, not without a hint of irritation. - The goblins, the whole business with Anne and... my uncle. You've endured more than any Hogwarts student ever had. You should be proud of yourself.

- Only because I was not alone.

She was staring at him and he understood. He suddenly found his shoes more interesting than everything else in the room.

There had never been a real discussion after the events of the previous year. Perhaps out of fear, or shame, or both, but none of the three ever dared to press the subject. Therefore what she said next was like opening a forbidden box.

- I'm so sorry about your uncle.

He tightened his fists. - Yes, well... I've been living with regret all this time, and it's what I deserve. I haven’t heard from Anne since.

She looked at the ceiling and gripped the dark robe closer. - I won't tell you that with time she will change her mind and forgive you, because I don't know. But I think that it's never too late to redeem yourself.

- But how? - Sebastian asked, hiding a stutter.

- I don't know... Only time will tell.

Sebastian raised his head. He had those afflicted eyes that Allie couldn't stand to see. If she had some way to turn back time, she would do anything to stop Sebastian from casting that damned spell. If there was a dark magic spell that could help rewrite the past, she would cast it with no hesitation.

"What a hypocrite I am."

She suddenly had this urge to get up and hug him, but she obviously couldn't. For multiple reasons.

Sensing her feelings, he simply said, - Thank you, - and that was enough. The two smiled awkwardly at each other. After a while, he spoke again. - I have a question, if you don't mind. Have you been avoiding me lately?

She swallowed. - What makes you think that?

- I don't know... just an impression.

- It is. I would never avoid you.

She didn't mean anything by it, especially because it was a lie, but for some reason such a simple sentence felt like it had a double meaning. Sebastian seemed to grasp it too, and he scratched the back of his neck.

Not much time later, Ominis came back with her clothing and wand. She changed herself with magic as quickly as she could.

- How did you get these in the girl's bathroom? - Sebastian asked warily.

- Let's not get into details.

***

After thanking Ominis multiple times, she left the Undercroft for Potion class, while the other two gathered their things and slowly made their way out.

- What did the two of you do while I was gone?

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. - We talked?

- About what?

- Just small talk.

- Really.

Silence.

- You held her in your arms. And she purred.

Sebastian cheeks flushed and he was glad that Ominis couldn't see.

- Don't you start again, Ominis.

[elleloquently]

invisible string [2] : ellie williams

part one

| college!ellie - i wanted to get the second part out quickly because i was too excited and had too many ideas... thank you all for your love on the first part! i'm glad to be back and writing again... if only this story could inspire me to do my own coursework. maybe next time? <;3 do not count how many times i say 'note' in this chapter

| c/w- reader is anxious, zero rizz

friday at 2:30pm. in the library.

you lazily traced circles with a pencil around the jotted down note in your planner, eyes flickering between your own writing and the email shown on your laptop screen.

your professor had unwillingly agreed to lead a study group after several students in the class had nearly begged for it, but ultimately cancelled with short notice. the email urged students to still meet together on their own, as the study room in the library had already been reserved.

holding your breath, you opened the email details to scroll through all of the people it had been sent to, scanning the names until your eyes landed on one in particular.

ellie williams

quickly closing your laptop, you shook out your hands and closed your eyes, nearly forcing every lingering thought about her to leave your mind. but they hadn't left, and you felt completely stupid obsessing over one small question that had been asked during the previous class. she probably wasn't even going, especially not now.

still.

the thoughts lingered.

enough to make you consider attending a study group, something that anxious thoughts never quite allowed you to do before. enough to make you change your outfit more than once while you were getting ready, overthinking and then overthinking again.

maybe it was a momentary lapse of judgement, or maybe a stupid class crush was the courage you needed to finally participate in something outside of your own little bubble.

but was it even a crush?

maybe something about her was just special. maybe you just wanted to be her friend, and that's why you couldn't stop thinking about her. you just had a friend crush on her.

shoving your textbook, notes, and a book for reading into your bag, you went over your plan one last time, a weak attempt at settling the knots twisting in your stomach.

you planned to get to the library a little early, but not too early. if you were just early enough, you would be able to see if ellie was even going to be there without having to feel nervous about joining late. plus, if she wasn't there, you could just breeze past and do your own studying alone, somewhere quiet.

suddenly you frowned, chewing at your bottom lip as a new thought occured to you. what if ellie was late?

you hesitate for only a moment before closing your bag and throwing it over your shoulder... there was definitely no time for any adjustments in the plan, and you were about ready to drive yourself crazy.

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the brisk air nipping away at your face felt almost refreshing as you forced your nerves down.

motivated by the chilling air to walk quickly and with a slight overestimation of how long it would've taken you to walk to the library, you ended up making it earlier than you intended.

the library was more quiet than usual, which was to be expected. showing up with a bag full of study materials went against your strict code of never doing something school related on a friday, as long as you could help it.

a code that you had easily broken at the mere thought that someone you didn't even really know might potentially be there too.

even though you were early, you decided to try to find the dedicated study room. only a few of them were occupied, and your nerves finally began to subside as you realized it might've been a waste of a trip... until your eyes landed on a study room with numbers that matched those from the email, and the room was certainly not empty.

what was with her habit of suddenly always being much earlier than you?

you instantly recognized the familiar auburn hair of the freckled girl, and your feet were quick to carry you away without a second thought.

"stupid, it was a stupid idea," you mumbled to yourself, at least semi grateful that ellie hadn't looked up while you were gaping in the doorway. you thought for sure you had managed to make a clean getaway, she would never even know you had showed up, until you heard your name curiously being called.

the sound of your name from her voice was enough to make you stop instantly. you hesitated, only briefly, acknowledging mentally that once you went in there, there was no going back.

severely lacking courage, you turned slowly and walked a few paces until you were lingering once again in the doorway of the study room, greeted by ellie williams looking curiously up at you. she had things sprawled over half of the table, and she gestured for you to sit down.

"are you sure?" you asked slowly, pulling out a chair across from the one that ellie was sat in.

"of course," ellie replied, glancing briefly behind you at the hallway before meeting your eyes with a quirked up smile.

yeah. it was definitely a crush.

you both broke eye contact quickly after, lowering gently into the chair and ellie flicked a pen across her note pages.

"are you here for the study group or for... by yourself?" you asked lowly, almost feeling like you had to whisper. sitting across from her now almost felt more intimate than sitting next to her in class. you were afraid to lift your eyes, certain to be a fool under her gaze.

"uh," ellie laughed dryly, seemingly fidgeting with her hands and pages by shuffling them around.

your cheeks grew warm as an awkward feeling began to pull at your emotions but ellie cleared her throat and nodded.

"yeah, i'm here for the study group." she replied, dragging her eyes back up to meet yours. she sat back comfortably in her chair, resting her hands on the table space in front of her. ellie's unsure movements were quickly replaced with a confident demeanor.

you felt the pressure now, pressure to fill the long pauses with something interesting to say. a beat passed and it was only the two of you, none of the other students wandering the library even glanced in your direction.

"me too, i think..." your volume increased, wanting to take on the same easygoingness that ellie currently displayed.

ellie gave you an amused look. "you think?"

shaking your head, you sighed. "i couldn't really decide, and then it was canceled, sort of... and...here i am."

"here you are," ellie repeated, her eyebrows raising in a serious manner. "guess you made up your mind, huh?"

you nodded and the corners of ellie's mouth turned up.

"guess so," you murmured, sneaking a glance to the other side of the table.

the library felt too warm, and you pulled at your sweater sleeves while ellie hauled a textbook onto the middle of the table.

"well shit, what's your worst and best topic?"

blinking at ellie's eagerness, you were quick to begin shuffling through your notes as you felt her green eyes boring into you.

ellie's eyes flicked between yourself and the pages. some were neat and organized, completed with sticky notes and color coded information. other pages were long blocks of messy texts, all one color like they were frantically scribbled. sliding your notes over felt strangely vulnerable, like you were putting your intelligence on display to be judged, but you slid them over to ellie anyway.

"best," you responded, tapping the color coded papers, "and worst," you hesitated, pointing to the other pile.

"okay," ellie laughed. her hand hovered over her own papers for a moment but instead she reached for yours, examining your 'best' notes closer.

you nervously picked at the table during her silence, half heartedly attempting to stretch your neck to get a view of her own notes. it wasn't close enough for you to be able to actually read the writing, but you tried anyway.

she took her notes in black pen, and even her handwriting was enough to quicken your heartbeat. they seemed organized in structure, and she had doodled borders and little pictures around the paragraphs. it was cute.

you smiled softly but the sound of ellie speaking pulled you out of your trance.

"okay," she repeated, sounding determined like she had made up her mind about something. she covered some of her pages by placing a textbook over them, and opened her notebook to a fresh, blank page.

"tell me about... this, and... this?" she murmured, glancing up at you quickly and tracing the areas she was referring to with her finger. "my notes for that section suck," ellie offered.

your heart jumped and you swallowed hard, your voice failing you within seconds. this definitely wasn't the sort of situation that you were most comfortable in, and the sound of her voice with her eyes on you combined to make your head spin.

"okay," you mirrored ellie, trying to obtain any sense of false confidence that you could muster. public speaking didn't come easy to you, and though it was just the two of you, speaking directly to ellie almost made you feel worse.

pressing your palms together in an attempt to stop your hands from shaking, you figured reading off from your notes shouldn't be too bad.

"so, the first section i have are definitions... and the stuff in pink are like afterthoughts, to help me remember. i can show you both, if you want..." your eyebrows drew together in concentration as you looked over the page, feeling ellie's eyes on you once again but unaware of her expression.

"incredible," she mused, mumbling under her breath, watching your hands moving as you nervously explained.

"right, so, everything on here i know is right... but take these ones with a grain of sand," you continued.

ellie laughed suddenly at your words and you froze, your breath nearly hitching and you reminded yourself once again that you certainly must be pathetic.

pathetic or not, it didn't matter. meeting ellie's eyes made you feel warm as you returned her smile, and in that moment you realized you would do anything to have her looking at you like that again.

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ellie was a good listener, and her quick quips and little jokes throughout your study session had you laughing until your cheeks burned, though you were sure your nerves had played a part in that as well.

she was polite and wonderful, but you had done so much talking that you felt a little disappointed, and a little overwhelmed. if you were truly honest, you wanted to hear a lot less of your own voice and a lot more of ellie's voice.

the conversation had mostly been strictly academic, with the occasional slip of discussing your majors and the worst dining hall food.

as ellie started to pack up her things, you doodled a little flower on a green sticky note while she finished telling you about one of her least favorite professors.

"he sounds horrible," you remarked, slightly off guard as ellie took the pen from your hand and drew what looked like a fern, similar to the one on her arm, next to your flower.

when she finished, she passed it back to you, along with the pen. you thought for a moment while ellie watched, grinning curiously at the pen in your hand. you decided on a tiny planet, carefully placing it on the other side of her drawing.

"thanks for your help today," ellie mused as she regained possession of the material, placing the pen to paper without taking a moment to think.

"thank you," you returned, although not completely sure what you were thanking her for.

you watched her hand flex as she wrote, and the way her eyebrow raised as she examined the sticky note. ellie stood and you followed her lead, wishing for more time in her presence and not ready to face the cold.

to your surprise, she returned the sticky note to your hand. the slightest touch turned your senses on high and the way ellie's fingers grazed yours made you wonder if you were truly delusional.

"see you around, alright? get back to your dorm safe," ellie said sternly, smiling at you once more as she backed out of the room. once more her confidence faltered and she almost looked sheepish as she spoke again. "we should do this again."

you nodded maybe a little too enthusiastically and then ellie was gone, leaving you with an extreme whirlwind of emotions.

to suppress your excitement, you reminded yourself that maybe she was only being polite, but when you examined the sticky note your smile only grew.

your flower, ellie's fern, and your tiny planet.

underneath the three pictures, a phone number labeled with her name-

Ellie!!!!!

[ part three ]

[yuujispinkhair]

Hey winter hope you are doing well! ☺️🤞🏽 A prompt for you if feeling up for it- Yuji grew up with his dad and grandpa so he has a tendency to engage in older men activities. Bingo, golfing, sailing. Fishing too. What about going with it with his girlfriend (y/n)?? Would it been seen as too corny doing old people stuff ?? 😭🤚🏽

Aww thank you so much, babe <3<3 THIS IS SO CUTE!! And I can absolutely imagine that! Thank you for sending me this cute idea! It definitely cheered me up!!

Pairing: Yuuji x Reader (gender-neutral) Genre: Fluff Word Count: 500 Warnings: They go fishing, mention of alcohol, mention of Yuuji's grandpa's death. All characters are of age. Minors don't interact.

Wasuke didn't have the money to afford a babysitter, so he just took his grandson everywhere he went. And naturally, Yuuji picked up those "old people" hobbies.

As a teenager, things didn't change either. Yuuji didn't have many friends his age and didn't have the time to engage in typical teenage activities like sports clubs, etc., because he had to look after his sick grandpa. So all Yuuji had was his movies and mangas (and roaming the streets to beat up bullies).

So, when you ask twenty-something Yuuji what his hobbies are, you burst out laughing at first when he tells you about bingo and fishing and playing cards with the old folks in the nursing home. But you feel guilty for laughing a second later when you realize Yuuji wasn't joking.

Suddenly he blushes and scratches his neck while mumbling,

"Ah yeah, that's not very cool, I guess. We can do something else, of course!"

He looks like a lost puppy, and of course, you hug him and snuggle against his chest and get on your tiptoes to kiss him, clinging to him in your need to make it ok again and show him he is perfect the way he is, even with his grandpa-style hobbies.

"Can you please show me how to fish, baby? I have always wanted to know what is so fascinating about it. I bet if someone can convince me, it will be you."

Yuuji beams at you, all sunshine smile and sparkling golden eyes again, and he hugs you so tightly it almost hurts.

That's how you end up at a lake, holding a fishing rod while Yuuji stands behind you, with his strong arms wrapped around you and instructing you how to hold it correctly.

You get some curious looks because most people here are several decades older than you. But they are all super friendly. And since Yuuji is the type to talk to everyone anyways, you get invited to a big picnic with some old guys who tell you stories about when they were your age. They all agree that Yuuji is super lucky that he has someone who wants to know about his hobby.

The same thing happens when you go to a bingo night. You never expected to have so much fun. When you leave, you are tipsy because the nice grandma next to you kept asking you to drink with her. She also tells you how happy she is that Yuuji found you.

"He is such a sweet young man. Never stopped coming here, even after my old friend Wasuke passed away. And so handsome too! I am sure he will make you happy."

You nod and grin brightly at her while you reach out to interlace your fingers with Yuuji's and give his hand a squeeze,

"Oh yes, he is the best. He makes me very happy, and I plan to always make him happy too."

[netherworldpost]

Been following you since the Evil Supply Co days, was very pleased to place my first order from Netherworld Post recently! I love the "hope this fireball finds you failing to save" design so much! A few people in my d&d group are definitely getting that one.

I hope you have an awesome day and something nice happens to you!

I am incredibly honored that so many folks have been following since Evil Supply Co.

It was nearly four years to do the day from when I first emailed friends "What do you think of this business name change?" to flipping the switch to launch.

One thing that hasn't made it through the transition

(I emphasize)

...yet...

...is the stories.

I used to write 3 - 6 very short stories a week. Sometimes a few paragraphs, sometimes longer. Most got posted here -- started here, on Tumblr!

The structures needed work, more connectivity. The genre, the characters and locations, the softness? All remain. But the structures needed work.

This will take time.

Not four years of time (length of shop closure to rebuild).

But they will come back.

I'm rambling. I'm a bit nervous over how all of this is operating. The nerves are not based in evidence -- the roll out has been smooth, the response bigger than expected. Just personality quirk, I suppose.

Back to sense-making.

I'm grateful you're here and that I am able to do all of this.

Phase One (where we are now) is to launch the shop and get the initial orders out the door. The presses are pressing ink to paper, first batch of orders goes out late next week. Continues onwards at a steady pace forever.

Phase Two (rest of the year) will be slowly adding more. Both to the shop for pay and the downloads "pay if you want."

Phase Three (next year, probably) is when I think we'll have stories again. It won't take that long to launch them -- launch will be part of Phase Two -- but I think it'll be next year until I'm at a steady pace.

I'm rambling again. I'll cut this to the end.

The primary availability of stories for Evil Supply Co. was free via social media posts.

I want to keep that availability. I don't trust social media to maintain its presence as it stands in the next several years (I'm looking at 3, 5, 10, 15 years forward).

The zero-cost-to-read prohibited basic structures such as "hm I like Strawberry, this mermaid, I wish to read more about her wacky antics." There simply wasn't funding to build out any of the million ways to do that.

Part of Phase Three is solving that, finding the balance. There are a million options, with strengths and drawbacks and costs. I'll have a better answer for it as the year progresses.

As I say, I am wary of social media (all platforms) direction -- they will continue to exist, I'll continue to use them to their fullest advantage, but they are growing increasingly hostile to independent creators. I don't work for Tumblr, Tumblr doesn't owe me continued access to audiences at the current pace.

Ultimately, I work for the moon and you come to the Post for the things you're interested in -- neither of us work for a social media platform -- and I'm keeping that tightly in mind to ensure I can continue to service your desires + build new things you'll love but didn't know existed yet.

Thank you for being here.

The something nice you hoped for came true in two ways.

Your note and an afternoon pulling together notes on how to independently publish myths and legends and stories and rambles about the Netherworld.

The scale of this equation is...

...significant.

Fortunately. So is my willingness to tackle it. :)

Cheers to you and thank you again for being here.

Long may we sip potions, in the moonlight, while sitting on our folded cloaks, listening to ghosts, telling stories of dryads and mermaids and witches and more, as the jack-o-lanterns surrounding us wile away the hours with their flickering tongues of flame and smoke.

[just-jae]

Hazbin Hoetl 5-6

Spoiler warning!

Not gonna lie, at first I was cringing a bit at Lucifer. I was expecting him the have, like, grace and baddie energy. but he's talking to himself pretending to show off rubber ducks to a crowd.

And of all the potential dynamics he and Al could have had, competing father figures was NOT on my mind at all dude. Al? Dad?

But, I watched these last two episodes a couple (okay maybe several) times over and, it's really growing on me. It was definitely the predeveloped impressions getting in the way of really enjoying these characters. Even the irks I had about Alastor aren't really irks anymore, especially with "Dad beat Dad having much better animation and a banger number for Al (seriously wtf he's horrific in this episode)--

"Could you butt out of my song?"

"Your song? I started this!"

"I'm singing it, I'll finish it!"

Before, I was seeing it as how well they pull off my (and arguably the long simmering fandom's) idea of these characters instead of how well the characters as they actually are are told. So many people thought this show would be a super serious deep dive on Christianity and commentary on religion itself. But at this point, it really feels like Heavan and Hell are metaphores. They focus a lot more on personal issues like relationships, coping mechanisms, flaws like nievety, displaced senses of self worth, etc.

Charlie's idea of what "gets people into heaven" is naive and brochure-like. Adam gave a literal list of three items that seemed overly simplistic (and turned out to be wrong).

But at least they had some idea about it. The higher angels themselves had no clue whatsoever, their only concern was preserving the status quo. And even when things are called to question they fall back to old ways just bc they're scared to change anything. Sera didn't have any malice toward Hell, she just doesn't want to make things worse, having Angels fall, have Hell attack Earth or Heaven, have more evil spread, by changing things.

Getting a better idea of what all of this is about makes it so much easier to appreciate things I initially was put off by. It just has a context that it fits into now.

Lucifer being this disillusioned depressed dork with "yeaaaah, No." energy fits into what we've seen of heavenly culture (uncanny innocence, annoying teen pop-culture energy, being perfectionist yet blind to their own flaws)

And The "Hell's Great Dad" song really broke the ice, especially when Mimzy busted in singing ITS MEEEEEEE-- like

Love her. I wasn't expecting to see Mimzy AT ALL since she was removed from the main cast. And after seeing people talk about her and how they were wondering about her, it definitely felt like popping in the way she did was a response to that. Even I was wondering bc you don't just drop a former love interest for a character like Alastor, but still have them show up in the pilot-- I wanted to see Mimzy lol.

like literally:

"It's MEEE, It's MEEE,

I know you were all waiting for MEEEE!

I'm Here, what a GAAAS,

Took a while but I'm here at LAAST"

Like, im sorry but I felt like she was pointing at me personally, not the other characters, and that was hilarious.

It's so random but doesn't feel out of place at all somehow. The tensions were already super high, so a random screaming woman busting in with even higher energy is like-- wtf?? :'D??

She was a blast the entire time tho, and actually tied into the reoccurring theme of only reaching out to someone so they can do something for you.

It also definitely pinched a side of Alastor, irritating that he does apparently NEED to be there, there's some obligation he actually has to the hotel, or at the very least some stakes to not holding things together, not bc he defended the hotel but bc he specifically says "I can't have that here" , he also doesn't refute the claims Mimzy makes about him. Al clearly adores her and isn't surprised by her antics at all yet still tells her to leave. With the mention of Alastor's "leash" in the same episode BC of Mimzy was just such a great way to use her character. A fun entrance, thematic relevance, and a great plot device to reveal more about Alastor's situation and motives.

Like I said, at first the food tasted cold. I was thinking to myself "Eh, nothing really that crazy ig" but the more I watch the episodes and get over whatever my expectations were, the more I enjoy what's there.

Like, at first I was thinking, "Oh no Lucy's another akward dork, a normie, a loooooserr" (not that being an akward dork or a normie is bad but those were the vibes I was giving off, I'm sorry)

But I keep watching "Hell's Greatest Dad" and NOW it's like

LOOK AT HIM< LOOK AT HIM GO

Like, he's fugghing adorable with the "WAP BAP BOOM"

the puppets and the circus imagery, and just the innocent unmalicious enthusiasm. He's stumbling around over barely knowing his daughter and is now sprinting to make up for being so absent-- and even that absence is implied to be due to chronic depression and pining, missing heaven and having to live in hell forever, not only being the one who supposedly created it by accident, but tried and failed to fix it, even having his own theme park ripped off by a deadly Sin. The show calls it out bluntly, but despite his cheery tone and, yeaaah, no, yeaaah, no" attitude, they did a great job showing that his depression manifested in detachment and disinterest. It sucks for the people it effects but it also sucks to be the one who dropped the ropes in your relationships.

So seeing him brjghtenup and glow over just helping his Charlie put her hotel together was great. He feels useful and wanted again. And imo it's a double edge sword as well if Lucy feels like he has to be useful to be a decent dad.

So, idk. I guess I do want to see how he handles trying to be in Charlie's life again, especially since, at this point Alastor knows and has supported her more than he ever has-- despite the rough beginning and the mockery. (Also Lilith's face being faded out was sus af)

I'm convinced that in Al's case it's definitely not from a genuine place, at least, we still have no reason to believe it is. He was glaring at Lucy as soon as he walked in, and the nearly every comment on how great his relationship with Charlie is was also a jab to piss off Lucy instead of a genuine expression.

A performance, in short.

Still, the fact that someone who's only just met Charlie has a better relationship with her than her father has got to suck to realize if you're the father.

Also-- the scene at the club-- I was pretty mixed about it, like, doing drugs, itself isn't bad-- it can be unhealthy and it can put others at risk if you're resigning your cognizance and self control for the sake of coping with stress-- so it can very easily enable bad things, especially if you become addicted, so,imo is pretty wreckless and definitely a vice. But it doesn't make you a bad person.

But then again angels also seem to think premarital sex and promiscuity is bad too. (Promiscuity puts you at risk for disease, and like drugs can be driven by vices, but, again, the thing itself isn't bad and can still be a healthy practice when it comes from a healthy place)

I'm genuinely proud of Angel for actually growing though, seeing him take care of Nifty and protect her from Val got me on the "Fuck em up" energy. It's always great to see a group of friends watching out for eachother when they know there's a danger to what they're doing-- ESPECIALLY when one of them is new to it all. That's why if you ARE going to do drugs or drink or whatever, definitely don't do it alone or without someone you trust with your safety.

And also never feel like you have to do those things to maintain relationships, some people feel like it would be an insult to imply they dont trust someone or just for being disinterested in their offer. And, frankly there are people who will prey on that.

That was just a great scene. It had some flaws, but was still great.

Also--

PENTIOUS

I HATE

BROTHERMAN MADE ALL THE MISTAKES.

"Bc I'M HAVING SEX WITH EVERY--"

THATS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY YOU FUCK

Also, not gonna lie but Sera's got me like

Its been a while since I've been down bad for a femenine character.

She is beauty, she is grace~

[vivziepopwhatthehell]

Ep 4 Review

There are mentions of SA in this document. Reader discretion is advised.

Introduction

There’s so many things that I want to say about Hazbin Hotel but for now, I’m only going to keep my thoughts relevant to episode four. It’s the episode that everyone is talking about, after all. I’d love to hear everyone else’s thoughts too. 

The Positives

- I was expecting Blake Roman's voice acting to be subpar, and initially, it fell short of my expectations. The first episode featured what I believe is his weakest voice direction among all the released episodes. However, my initial concerns were proven wrong as the series progressed. In this episode, Blake's performance truly stood out and showcased his considerable talent. He skillfully conveyed emotions that he wasn't given an opportunity to show in the earlier episodes. Despite this improvement, he still faces the challenges with maintaining the Angel Dust accent. Blake Roman would definitely shine if he was given a role that wasn't previously defined by another talented voice actor like Michael Kovach. That being said, I'm really excited to see more from Blake Roman in future episodes.

- Valentino's character is now effectively portrayed with the menacing demeanor befitting his role, a notable departure from his initial appearance in episode two. The shift in his portrayal makes it more evident why Angel Dust fears him. To enhance the impact of Valentino's introduction in this episode, a strategic adjustment in episode two's writing could have been beneficial. Specifically, focusing more on Vox and Alastor, and introducing Valentino through Angel Dust's voicemail instead. This approach would have spared Valentino from the perception of being pathetic and whiny in previous showcases, ensuring a more powerful debut. However, it's worth noting that episode four rectifies this mistake to a significant extent, making the suggestion to rewrite episode two more of a reflection on what could have been done differently rather than a critique of the current narrative.

- The animation is a lot smoother in this episode compared to two and three. The characters are also a lot more expressive and the art is overall pretty to look at. That's my overall opinion on the art direction. The storyboard is great in several areas, too. I loved the visuals when Husk talks about how he signed his contract with Alastor. 

- The beginning of the episode actually had a few jokes that made me laugh.

The Negatives

- Hazbin Hotel has huge pacing problems present in all of the episodes. Because the show only has 23 minutes and 10 episodes to tell its story, a bunch of minor inconveniences need to be escalated unrealistically either to change a scene or develop character relationships (this one is mainly in relation to Charlie and Vaggie). In this episode, Charlie's tiny stumble over a plug must hastily snowball into a fire to justify the subsequent escalation of tension with Valentino. But how does that even start a fire? Charlie could instead accidentally knock over a lit candle on the bedside table in the set. Following this mishap, the employees, who are off exploring Charlie's hotel idea after their conversation during the shoot, are absent when the fire starts, causing it to spread. This change is still stupid, but it maintains the same elements while offering a more believable catalyst for the escalating tension. Another area that could have been improved was the ending, because I feel like Angel Dust forgave Charlie way too easily.

- Hazbin Hotel often relies heavily on exposition dumps and tends to tell rather than show. Husker's dialogue in the beginning of the episode serves as a means to spoon-feed the audience information about each character's struggle, which is a really boring way to storytell. Husker also seems to have such an intimate understanding of every character that he should be the one to run the hotel at this point. I am hoping that we get a Husker and Charlie episode, where Husker tells her to listen to her friends more. Maybe then she’d have a better understanding on how to help them out with their problems.

- Valentino's powers are confusing me. In "Addict," the red smoke from Valentino and Angel Dust's cigarettes, initially symbolic, seems to become literal in episode four. For instance, Valentino uses the smoke to create chains around Angel Dust's throat and pulls him upwards to focus on the contract he signed. The smoke should not have been made a physical entity that can control the characters this way, because now it completely devalues its presence in the music video (even if the music video is no longer canon). 

- Regrettably, the episode has become difficult for me to view objectively due to some storyboard artists openly sharing their personal bedroom preferences. I'm making a concerted effort to distinguish the artists from their work, but it is hard to not view this as just another fuel for fetish. To illustrate, consider the smoke chain scene preceding "Poison," where Valentino employs a chain around Angel's neck to compel him to review the contract. It's notable that Valentino could have achieved the same effect by grabbing Angel's hair, but the inclusion of the chain appears to be a direct reference to the storyboard artist's leash kink.

- There’s too many songs. When the song title leaks came out for Hazbin Hotel, I thought that most of them were just the names of the instrumentals. They are all actually two-four minute length songs. When these songs do come onto the screen, none of them have build-up. The song just randomly starts, and many times, the song replaces moments that are crucial to have dialogue in. Just because you have Broadway stars doesn’t mean that you need to have three songs per episode. Cap it to one to leave a good impression on your audience, because most of these songs left me REALLY bored not even halfway through them. The lyrics and how they are sung are also offensive at times, specifically in “Loser Baby”. 

- Charlie's fixation on the hotel has reached an alarming level of insensitivity in this episode. While the hotel's success remains crucial, her approach comes off as callous and indifferent to the people around her. The episode kicks off with what seems like a thoughtful gesture toward Angel Dust, trying to help him get a day off work. But her motivation is solely to ensure he can continue his daily redeemer exercises at the hotel. Then, when Angel Dust begs her to leave (while sounding completely terrified in the process), Charlie overstays her welcome and actively disrupts the employees during the shoot to advertise her hotel. There’s a time and place, Charlie! In my ideal version of the episode, Charlie remains determined to secure a day off for Angel Dust (just to spend time with him). Charlie doesn’t get to speak to Angel Dust before she proposes the idea to Valentino. Valentino responds nicely to her, but we see a bunch of subtle cues to his anger about Angel Dust trying to “escape” before he glares at Angel Dust and brings him into the other room.

-  Keith David is talented, but his voice for Husker just isn’t doing it for me. Sorry, Keith. It isn’t as rough and gravelly as it should be, but you were obviously just miscast. The same applies to Stephanie Beatriz as Vaggie. 

- A trigger warning is absent from the episode. The warning wouldn't have benefited the narrative in any way, but it would have definitely aided the members of the audience that it is meant to represent.

Conclusion

In my opinion, the episode is overall “okay”. It still suffers a lot of the same problems as the other episodes. Though, episode four does have its own improvements as well. I am hoping that the show continues to get better from here.

Edit: accidentally deleted one of my points before publishing + added a tag.

[thiswasneverthat]

ㅡ personal trainer

❅ bangchan x female!reader

❅ smut, nipple play, groping

❅ wc: 1.2k

What did you expect the first time you sign to yourself to the gym near your apartment? Nothing much, really. Your intention was purely to get fit because you have been feeling kind of unproductive these days.

You were not much of a gym person to begin with, so you request a personal trainee to help you. What you didn't expect though, was the personal trainee to be hot as fuck. God, even hot would be an understatement to define him. You believe he was personally carved by the gods above and he was certainly their favorite creature. He could easily be your favorite too, to be very honest.

And what did you do on your very first gym session with him? Trying to get on his pants, of course. Because now, your definition of being productive has completely altered.

When the session was about to end, you set your plan into motion. All you need was to delay him from going home. 

"Chris, do you mind helping me some more? I kind of want to try boxing," you asked him with a smile. "Oh, but of course, only if you are not busy."

"Sure, yeah. I don't mind."

You discreetly cheered. It was going smoothly so far. 

Almost forty-five minutes later when you both were done with the boxing session, the gym was pretty much deserted. There were no more trainers or staff in sight.

"I think we're the only ones left, is that okay? Who's going to lock up the gym then?" you asked in fake concern.

"Don't worry about it, I got the keys." 

Of course, you know it's fine. You heard from the other trainers that all of them got the keys to the gym because they usually come to work out early or went home late.

"Alright then, if you don't mind waiting a bit, I need to take a quick shower. Please don't lock me up in here," you joked before you sprinted toward the women's changing room. Faintly, you heard him laughing at what you just said.

And what about your plan? Well, it was about time to add some spices to it.

"Chris, you here?" you called out from the front door of the men's changing room.

"Yeah, I am here. You need something?"

You couldn't see him from where you were standing but you heard the sound of water running. He was probably taking a shower, you thought. 

And while chewing on your lower lip, you sneakily entered the room. There were several rows of lockers covering the view of the showersㅡ where he was at.

"The water in the other room didn't work. Can I use the shower here?"

That was a blatant lie. The water in the women's changing room worked just fine.

"Yeah, sure. Just let me finish real quick, I am almost done heㅡ" the words then died in his throat the moment he caught you through his peripheralㅡ suddenly standing under the shower next to him that was only separated by clear glass.

"Oh no, it's fine, Chris. Take your time," you told him casually as you rid of the towel that was covering your body, leaving you completely naked. 

When you tilted your head to glance at him, you caught him staring at you but he quickly averted his eyes to look at anything but you. A low giggle then rolled out of your mouth as you twisted the faucet, letting the cold water run through your bare flesh.

Acting as if this wasn't a strange occurrence at all, like the two of you have done this so many times before, you hummed casually as you tried to spread your shower gel all over your bodyㅡ intentionally ignoring him who was quickly rinsing off the remnants of his shampoo from his hair.

"Chris, wait! Can you help me?" you called him out when he was about to step out of the shower with a towel wrapped dangerously low around his waist.

"Help you with what?" Chris turned his head to look at you, however still keeping his gaze above your bare shoulders.

With a flirtatious smile, you handed him your shower gel. "I can't reach my back, help me out?"

"Yeㅡ yeah, sure," he stammered a little as he took the shower gel from your hand. "Where?"

"All over my back, please."

"Yeah, of course."

As you turned to face the wall, you pulled your hair around your shoulder to give him full access to your backㅡ somehow feeling a little exhilarated that your plan was working fine until that moment.

The next second when you felt his big hand on your back, you couldn't help but let out a small whimper.

"You okay?" Chris instantly asked as he run his hand up and down your back.

"Mm yeah, your hand feels so cold on my back."

"Oh, sorry about that," he said with a low chuckle and it sent a tingle up your whole body.

"It's fine, but can you rub the gel a little higher?"

"Higher?"

"Yes, higher," you confirmed with a slight nod before placing your left hand against the wall in front of you.

And behind you, Chris did as he was told. He squeezed more shower gel from the bottle before bringing his hand to your shoulders, rubbing the gel gently on your soft flesh.

"Can you add more gel here as well?" you asked once again, pointing at the area in the middle of your back, a little closer to the side of your breast.

"Yeah, sure."

He was so compliant that got you biting your lower lip. Oh, your urge to ask him to put his big hands all over your body was so, so huge.

"A little to the front, please?"

"To the front? Where?"

"Here," with no fear, you abruptly reached for his right hand and brought it to your breast. "Rub it here, please."

"What?!"

Even without looking back at him, you could already imagine his surprised expression; eyes wide, jaw dropped and a red tinge crept up his face.

"Like this," you then put your hand on top of his and guided him to gently massage your breast in his palm.

For a fleeting moment, his hand only moved because of your assistance but then he gradually massage your breast harder as he cleared his throat.

"That feels so good, Chris," the words escaped your mouth along with a heavy moan. "Put your other hand on my left breast as well, pretty please."

Once again, he obliged and brought his other hand to your other breast. He massaged both of your mounds harder when more and more moans escaped your mouth.

"Can you feel my nipples hardening under your touch?"

He only hummed in response as he twisted your nipples in between his fingers.

"Ah, fuck!" you groaned with eyes shut tightly, head thrown to the back against his chest. "I am so dripping wet downㅡ"

Your words ceased in your throat when a loud ringing of a phone was heard inside the room.

"Oh, shit," Chris hissed sharply and pulled his hands away from your body. "I am sorry, we shouldn't haveㅡ fuck, I am so sorry."

"Chris, what?!" you turned your body to grab his hand but you were too late.

He was already walking toward his locker in a hurry.

A moment later, the phone stopped ringing and you heard his voice at a close distance.

"Hey, yeah, sorry, I just finished taking a shower but I will be there soon. See you soon, babe." 

"Oh, fuck!" you cursed harshly as you tugged on your wet hair. 

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Heaven's Felt

I have finished Heaven's Feel (all three films)

And hot damn what a story that was. As early as the first movie I found myself enjoying the route more than I did with Unlimited Blade Works.

It wasn't that strong a notion at first due to the first movie having to set up the story which means it had to retrace some moments from Fate or UBW. I was even disappointed that it just skimmed over Shirou meeting Saber for the first time.

I did expect it to skim some moments due to the nature of Fate/Stay Night. I said it previously but Fate/Stay Night was originally a visual novel (one that is getting a remaster for Steam/Switch as of me writing this) with multiple routes and endings. A staple of the visual novel format.

As a result each route has the same starting point. Some may feel it wear on them if they watch these back to back like I've done since last year.

Even so, I can't say it bothered me that much. Yes, Skimming over the summoning of Saber let me down a tad but the rest of the first movies opening act was decent. I liked seeing the different perspectives of the scenes I had saw in Unlimited Blade Works just a week ago.

It is also fair to mention that movies of a series typically expect you to have seen the thing it's based on to begin with.

Then the second half of the movie kicks in. The changes began rather quickly which I was thankful for. As soon as Kirei mentioned Kiritsugu's previous occupation and the 4th war I realized the story would shift- THEN BAM!

That Berserker battle. It was brief but that movie budget made it so good. It was then that I also noticed another change, the movies are more graphic than Zero or UBW.

In this movie, when Shirou takes a hit for Saber from Berseker, you see his guts fly out as he rolls around like a busted toy. It doesn't escalate to high but you do see inside of large cuts or severed limbs. And I am only praising it because it actually added to the horror-like atmosphere Heaven's Feel has.

All three movies feel like they were drawn to be a horror film in many scenes. The way the shadows bend or literally come alive, the way servants are mercilessly hunted by Angra Mainyu, or even the Sakura dream sequence only to learn she's eating people.

The gore just makes it hit harder how terrifying the situation is in Heaven's Feel.

Down 'n Dirty

The gore and horror presentation aside there was another factor I was curious about, the romance. Now some reading this may wonder why and others will think they know why and that has to do with Fate's reputation of hentai.

The original visual novel had hentai scenes in it, that is an objective truth. So did its canonical sequel Ataraxia. This was done because Nasu thought it would help sell the story and...well they were right.

The whole initial reason King Arthur was gender bent into a woman was also for this logic. He knew his native Japanese market and appealed to it.

Once Type-Moon got going those hentai scenes were removed. Later stories lacked it at all. Yes, the artwork and designs for characters is definitely made with sex appeal in mind but it's a far cry from where it started.

To be honest I find the whole thing fascinating because the series tendency for gender bending and "coomer" art is based in a writer just trying to appeal to the broadest audience.

They even use this for in-lore jokes quite often. For instance, the original draft of Fate/Stay Night, the world in which King Arthur is still a man, was reworked into Fate/Prototype years later.

They even do this fun thing where the voice actors for Merlin and female Artoria swap roles in Fate/Prototype. Female Arthur voices the female Merlin and the male Merlin now voices the male Arthur.

Some gender bends are literal jokes such as the female Nero Claudius (seen in the gif above^) who was gender swapped just to trick Fate fans into thinking Saber (Artoria) was in Fate Extra.

And others are that way because that historical figure was believed to be a woman or it was left ambiguous such as Nagao Kagetora.

Aka Nasu is very self aware of the Fate gender bending and porn jokes and plays into it.

Back to Romance

I went a bit off tangent there but I needed to explain that bit to focus on why the romance between Shirou & Sakura was a curiosity for me. In my desire to learn Fate lore I saw more than one video or fan comment quoting Nasu and others at Type-Moon.

One thing that stuck in my mind was that the initial Saber and Rin scenes were added just to balance it all but the scenes with Sakura were considered crucial to her plot.

I now understand why. No, before you ask, you do not get a hentai scene in Heaven's Feel. However, Heaven's Feel does fully commit to the physical nature that Sakura & Shirous relationship grows too.

Yes dear reader, Shirou gets laid. Get your middle school snickering out of your system, I'll wait.

The whole film just hammers home just how much Shirou existing means to Sakura. For them to go that far only seems natural, for her to hold on despite her horrible life makes sense.

This poor girl was violated years on end by crest worms as Zouken warped her into a fake grail. Her adoptive brother raped her for years on end just because he's a little shit with inferiority complexes.

Hell, Sakura is still traumatized by her father giving her to the Matou's in Fate/Zero.

Despite all that, even though she believes Shirou wouldn't want her for being so...um "damaged", he sticks by her side anyway. All together it makes that bond very genuine.

There's no forced melodrama or silly misunderstandings, just two kids trapped in a mess with no idea what to do.

A more complete Continuation

Even now I sit here in awe of it. I have sit through Fate 2006 and Unlimited Blade Works, two works in which Sakura is barely a passing note. Hell, even in Fate/Zero she's barely there but Heaven's Feel made me care.

It goes beyond that though. I found Heaven's Feel to be a better or more complete resolution to the mess left behind by the 4th Grail war depicted in Fate/Zero.

There are some questions I had throughout such as;

Why did Zouken summon Assassin in this route but not others?

Did a fragment of the grail survive in every route or is that a Heaven's Feel thing only?

Why didn't Rin have Shirou make the jeweled sword in UBW?

Why did Gilgamesh attack Sakura? Is he not for Kirei's plans in HF?

Small things like that. They don't break anything at all but I felt that I should mention them because I still think Heaven's Feel is a better continuation of Fate/Zero than Unlimited Blade Works despite such questions.

There is no grand reasoning for my feelings. I just liked that Heaven's Feel addressed things left behind in Fate/Zero more than Unlimited Blade Works did.

Such as Illya. She got so little time in UBW that I was a bit shocked. Even Fate 2006 gave her some attention. I mean, know each Fate work is a timeline of it's own but UBW and Heaven's Feel both heavily reference Zero.

All three were made by ufotable after all so it makes sense. Anime only fans may even see ufotable's adaptions as their own pocket in the Type-Moon multiverse.

I was sad her happy ending was to die but I can't help but feel slightly happy for her since she was shown running to Irisviel who's soul has been in the grail since Fate/Zero ended.

They even went out of their way to animate a scene that I can only assume was a minor one in the visual novel. It's a scene in which Illya over hears Fujimura talk about Kiritsugu's many trips to Europe. He failed her in many ways but he never stopped trying to see his daughter.

Then there was Rin. The story gave her less attention as I'd expect but I feel that it compliments how she's portrayed in UBW or even Fate 2006.

It was a nice touch that the one who made it possible to save Sakura was Rin. She has her own baggage about Sakura's life and while blunt and unable to relate to her trauma (by her own admission) she still got through to Sakura and all it took was letting her know that she loved her.

That's fucking beautiful man. Shirou even mumbles that they won due to Rin's actions.

There's also the aforementioned Kiritsugu. Shirou gets more insight into his fathers life and previous actions than other routes. It played into Kirei's obsession with him and Shirou's.

Shirou himself has a much more compelling arc in Heaven's Feel than UBW or even the Fate Route. Thanks to what he learns about his father he focuses on being a hero of justice but this time for Sakura.

His ideals aren't as foolish, they're focused. When he is focused on being one person's hero over everyone's he becomes a much more interesting character to me.

Hell, Zouken tries to convince him to kill Sakura at one point thinking that he'll do it because Kiritsugu would but no. Shirou acknowledges that he would betray his ideals for her .

That not only helps Sakura later but grows him way further than his fight with Archer in UBW did.

Seeing this I can understand why the "Miyuverse" Shirou is so loved.

I know I'm comparing routes but I can't help it. I'm sitting here conflicted because I liked this more than Saber's route. I am a Saber shill/simp at this point but I can't help but feel that Heaven's Feel is a better narrative conclusion.

Shirou is more compelling, I was made to like an ignored character, the story tackles some remnants of the 4th Grail such as Angra Mainyu whom we only saw hints of at the end of Fate/Zero, the grail system being destroyed at the end, etc.

It just feels tighter as a narrative to me. Although the reasons listed aren't the only explanations as to why.

No, the biggest contributing factor by far was Kirei himself.

Opposites

This man, this fucking monster, once again became far more interesting than he should be. I talked about him when I finished Fate/Zero which I'll link here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/post/737296248042815488/fated-rantings-ground-zero#notes

This man's obsession with Kiritsugu persisted for ten fucking years. Even now he can't accept him nor can he seem to accept the fact that they weren't as parallel as he believes.

All Kirei really gained from the 4th Grail War was realizing that he enjoys making others suffer. He's known from the start that he was broken inside but was cursed with the common sense to know it.

That contradiction is shown in his occupation. His whole tussle with Zouken and Assassin is badass to be sure. A 500yr old mage and a heroic spirit are fended off by this man, this fucked up preacher.

A badass to be sure but what caught my eye was him using scripture to harm Zouken. As far as I know, you can't just throw around scripture in Fate, you have to fundamentally believe in it to some degree.

Kirei is shown often genuinely reading his bible or kissing his cross. Actions that seem stupid when he makes it a hobby to ruin lives.

He goes on about how Angra Mainyu deserves to be born or about how something is neither good nor bad until it's gained knowledge. A solid argument but only when normal life is concerned.

Angra Mainyu is a man-made god, a devil, a focus of humanities evils into a spirit. All at the sacrifice of some unnamed boy centuries ago.

It was active during the 3rd Grail War, it's been very self aware within the Grail since then, and it's shown tormenting Kiritsugu and Illya.

Angra Mainyu is very much aware. It has knowledge, it is evil.

No, what Shirou calls him out on here saying "that's bullshit" is Kirei just wanting to see Angra Mainyu cause as much harm as possible...or so he thinks.

Personally I think that's half of it. The other half is Kirei's question. Although he should logically see that Angra Mainyu is evil by it's nature alone he still wants to know it's thoughts.

How does it feel to be born this way, how will it feel once it's fulfilled it's purpose, does it consider itself evil when humanity made it evil.

He feels compelled to know these things because he himself was born broken. Kirei knows deep down that nature is very much as real as nurture. No matter what he's done he's been broken.

He tried to love a woman but only cried because he felt that he should've killed her if she was meant to die. He had a loving father for whom no tear was shed when he was murdered.

He killed his mentor and aided Kairya just to see their torment. He told Shirou about Kiritsugu to see his reaction because he, like Zouken, thought Shirou was the same.

He fully believes that witnessing Angra Mainyu be born will answer his own burning questions about his nature when there is nothing to answer.

Angra Mainyu is man-made, nothing it can say can truly rectify Kirei's broken soul.

His Parallel was a Boy

The point, as I understood it, was that Kirei couldn't get his answers from Kiritsugu. His obsession, how he talks about him to Shirou, he never got over that.

Then he saw the grail. It even revived him from death but that won't give him the answer either. Even if he had witnessed its birth.

It is only at the end when he fighting a child that Kirei finds his true opposite. Shirou has nothing due to the 4th war, he considers his survival a sin.

Kirei considers his entire existence a sin yet he says it himself. They're opposite extremes of that same emptiness. I was frequently reminded of Fate/Zero because Kirei was.

Kirei died in that last war and was stuck in time in more ways than one. There is no way to answer or fix him.

It's damn poetic that both Kirei and Shirou realize something by admitting how unlike Kiritsugu Shirou has become. A fitting finale to a compelling monster.

This whole time Kirei's true opposite was a boy.

Finale

I'm sure I had more to say but I don't think this can get much longer. Plus some things weren't worth whole paragraphs. Such as my love for the battles and animation.

The small things like Shirou calling Archer a dick when he chucks him down like a sack of potatoes. Hell, Archer's entire arc this film is neat to see due to how passive he is. When Shirou is willing to be Sakura's hero or save Illya Archer's attitude changes on a dime. To the point that he'd even give up a literal arm.

I loved seeing Rider get more lines and screen time. She has a decent character that I now wish I got more of in other Fate works.

Then there's the whole Saber Alter and her battle....I can't. The fight is fucking amazing but just picturing Shirou ending her hurts me. TuT

Oh well, I'm ranted out now. Bye~

=======================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

When I was in college, I wasn't the quote unquote perfect activist. I am definitely not immune to making mistakes, especially in the heat of emotional moments. But...let's talk about my experiences for a moment.

-During my first semester of college I joined my university's local PRIDE club. I suggest that we do some sort of clothing drive, and have a place where anyone can give or take clothing. The intent of this was obvious and person: I came from family who either did not really understand my transness or actively disapproved of it and didn't have an income. I could not be the only one. We should be helpful in this way, to our trans brothers and sisters.

Sometime later, someone suggests changing the clothing drive into a clothing sale to fund their Drag Ball. PRIDE under that semester's leadership never does a clothing drive. My vision would not be completed until a couple of semesters later, working with my university's LGBT Center, and working loosely with PRIDE's new management.

-The one thing I failed to notice coming into PRIDE was that I couldn't find other trans women. That didn't bother me, and I was fairly popular early on. This was until someone else came out as a transgender woman. Initially I was happy to have another trans woman as a friend, but I very quickly began to notice the social effect. They were shorter, smaller, and more femme. Their social transition progressed much faster than mine, because they weren't poor. They regularly got many clothes from their friends in PRIDE, even as discussions occurred about a clothing drive. I got nothing. I was being outfemmed.

-I noticed the uplifting of drag performers and drag stars by many of my cis and nonbinary peers in the group. I often asked myself why this happened. For some of these people, drag was almost a lifestyle. The performance of hyper-femininity by someone who was AMAB in the context of a drag show was met with cheers, applause, fandom. Meanwhile, my displays of my own femininity were met with nothing. Those same people never complimented me.

-The president of PRIDE gave a presentation on the history of drag. They mentioned Ru Paul, but handwaved away their trans-misogynistic comments, saying they were unimportant.

-A considerable amount of time later, our LGBT Center did a wide survey of queer people on campus. Some responses by cis lesbians bemoaned a lack of lesbian support groups, and more importantly, that they didn't feel like they ever saw anyone that looked like them at the center. I object to this finding, because I myself am a lesbian, I am what they are looking for and am always at the center. I bring up the possibility that the comment may be transphobic. I am shot down. I was denying other people's feelings. I was a trans woman, not a lesbian.

-A dear friend of mine suggests doing a PRIDE event about learning how to do make-up. This is something I was in great support of, because I did not like the extent trans women were expected in a very short span of time to grasp all the complexities of the role of woman in today's society, when cis women get so much longer. What will not be included is tutorials of using make-up to cover facial hair follicles. They did not want to focus on tutorials about passing. I protest, in part because the darkness of my follicles is something I'm very self-conscious of, and that passing in itself is something that a lot of trans woman want. The make-up event never happens.

-A trans woman is talking about her transition experience. She is notably well off and has gotten a variety of surgeries. She explains this is ultimately the path that all trans women need to take, unless they end up looking like "fishy boys". This notably impacts my friend in a severe way.

-A series of hate crimes strikes campus rapidly. Someone spray-paints the "N" word on one of the school buildings, while conversion therapy pamphlets are deliberately left in classrooms teaching about LGBT subjects. Campus police do not care to investigate. PRIDE and BSU being to work collaboratively on a protest. The atmosphere is very good, there are a variety of different but very good conversations, and both groups work well on various tasks that were planned. The protest does not focus on what happened to LGBT students. Members of the LGBT Center and of PRIDE did not speak. We, who had been working hand and hand, were reduced to a footnote and a one-liner in a chant.

-While asking for more information about the investigation into both of these incidents, myself, the Title 9 administrator, and one of my coworkers, a black queer woman, are invited to a meeting with the VP of Student Affairs and the detective on the case. None of us were made aware of the presence of the chief of police nor of a third officer whose purpose was unknown. These investigations would never result in anything.

-In the issue of the school newspaper that reported on the hate crimes, included as well along side of it was a story about how conservatives felt like they were being silenced on campus.

-When I first went to college, I went to Housing to discuss the possibility of gender neutral housing, which they have on their website. I am told there is none, but they can make an accommodation by giving myself my own dorm room on the men's floor. I had been unable to transition before this point because of living with religious conservative family members. I am told that if I want to have a room on the women's floor, where I would have a more private showering area that was not a public shower with other men, that I would need the gender on my birth certificate changed.

Both of these were lies.

-I have a discussion with my mother about her continuing to deadname me, noting that I did not want to end up confusing my niece once she became old enough to remember my name. This does not change.

This is just, the experiences that I can recall while writing this post. It is not an exhaustive list. Discussing school administrations chronic underfunding of the LGBT Center and the resulting drama that caused over years would be an entirely new post. There's possibly even more stuff that I've simply just fucking forgotten over the years. It wasn't all bad. I met some truly incredible people and did some truly incredible things.

But there was bad. Some of it was general, but a lot of it was trans misogynistic, even if I don't think it was always intentional. A lot of these experiences changed me into the jaded bitch I am today on a lot of issues.

[havemyheartaziraphale]

Ok so this is for @melbatron5000 and @somehow-a-human mostly because I want input on your theories and my forming theory. Also, @indigovigilance has some decent screen grabs too. Sorry for having a wall of text here, I'm on mobile and still not used to posting on Tumblr

I absolutely agree with something being passed to Aziraphale during their kiss. I have watched the scene several times now and can spot the thing myself. I can see it in the photos you guys have as well.

I also stand by my theory there's a body swap going on. I wasn't entirely sure when it happened, until probably tonight. I know not everyone agrees with me but right now that's fine. Whatever.

Nightingales is DEFINITELY a code word. Got that straight off, wouldn't be able to tell you 100% what exactly for, except to me maybe it's saying "we need to do the body swap again".

Here's the thing: I had to go back and watch the body swap in S1 before I felt confident in this. I will stand by this theory now because I'm pretty certain of it.

There's clearly missed signals and unsaid things. I think the conversation we see is not everything that was said, based on the camera angles, the fact that so many of those lines can easily be pulled for sound bites and not seem odd/off, and the fact that their actions when out of shot don't entirely match up to what's being said. But the gist of the conversation is the same. They eventually come to the understanding that something needs to happen and they're not going to like it.

Here's where I think things change.

Nightingales is the signal that there's a swap that needs to happen. Crowley has already told Aziraphale that he can't leave the bookshop. Crowley knows this, and he also knows that the only way to get to Heaven is by having an angel escort him there. Aziraphale on the other hand will have no problems going whenever he needs to. Crowley needs to be taken, so he needs his Azi-suit.

With Crowley-as-Aziraphale(CAA) in heaven, he'll be able to do whatever mischief he needs/wants to. He can clearly already access files up there still. We know he has to have been a powerful/higher up angel before his Fall. He just needs a way in first.

When did the body swap happen?

Good question, and it took me a lot of thinking and rewatching of that flipping kiss to finally decide and work out when it was; the moment Aziraphale "allows" himself to hold Crowley.

What am I on about? I'll tell you.

Rewatch the body swap in S1. They hold hands, time stops, and you see them change back. Obviously CAA and Aziraphale-as-Crowley (AAC) are sat in their usual spaces so the characters are in the wrong seats. Once they're back, they look normal. Everything is tickety-boo.

Except in the KISS, they're very much in the same positions. Of course, Aziraphale places his hands on Crowley briefly, allowing for stability, a time freeze, and the chance to switch round before resuming. Probably gives them a little time to confirm some stuff too. There's so many camera cuts and frame changes that allow for this to be true, otherwise why not just show it from one angle? And why is that dang clock also skipping time suddenly yes I know Neil may have said it's just a continuity error at one point but I don't trust him because he also lies and it's way too obvious with that clock in the background

So what about the bullet/metal ball in CAA mouth? Definitely Aziraphale's memories of his chat with Metatron, and anything else CAA may need. (This isn't a repeat, this is a mirror of the bullet catch. Crowley fired the bullet, Azi caught it. This time, Azi fires the bullet, Crowley catches it.) CAA then says the phrase he knows AAC will understand, and that also sounds like Azi to anyone listening, and AAC responds. Like codes. "I forgive you... Dont bother." Exit: Azi-as-Crowley.

Of course Metatron then swans in and interrupts CAA while he's still getting his bearings, and mentions the Second Coming. I don't think even Crowley expected it to be this. Hence the Look he gives AAC.

Metatron still gives CAA a slightly suspicious look in the elevator, which I don't think many people mention enough. And that whole end credits bit of them as they're heading off is just... Odd. BUT, and here's where I'm certain it's CAA, the look of sheer determined destruction on Azi's face is the same from S1 body swap. I went back and checked, just to be sure. That's 100% Crowley right there. And now he has the bullet in his mouth, access to heaven thanks to being escorted by Metatron, and Aziraphale still able to look after the bookshop in disguise.

Points I also want to make

Crowley would not be the sort of person (demon/being) to just stand there and wait for Azi to go up to Heaven. We've seen he'll just go off without a word. At least twice. (When Azi is in thought about Job, and when Nina talks to him after she confirms she'll be at the Street Traders meeting). Crowley doesn't linger.

Crowley would also not be the one to choose to listen to A Nightingale Sang. That is all Aziraphale babyyyyyy. The Bentley knows them both well enough by now. Crowley likes his rock and Bebop, Azi likes his classical, more soothing tunes. Crowley certainly wouldn't listen to a song if he was upset with it. Azi allows himself to hear it before turning it off. He's the sentimental one.