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#but i dont know how to apply and i don't know anything about any of the schools
verstappentime · 2 days
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i posted about this before, but let me (as a journalist irl) elaborate what's likely going on with daniel!!
when no one asked dan about his future during press day last week, we all automatically recognized this was probably the result of an embargo (we have quite a few f1 fans in the newsroom). stranger still that christian horner was in the TP conference and didn't speak on it either. we had expected that combo to make a sort of joint announcement.
so what's an embargo/how does it work?
essentially, it's when a source gives you any information ahead of time, but requests you do not publish anything on it until a certain date and time. this can be done for a lot of reasons. embargoes usually request that you refrain from sharing information from a press release or document.
usually embargoes are put in place so essentially you keep to your time table of when the information becomes "public," but news outlets aren't left scrambling because they have already written their story and have it ready to go live as soon as it's acceptable. in the case of f1 this also applies to instagram posts and things like that. that's why you'll often see the posts go live straight away when an announcement is made; everything's pre-confirmed & pre-written, they're just waiting for the green light.
if you violate an embargo in sports journalism, you'll likely have your credentials to, say, get into the press pen revoked. you/your outlet will no longer receive any privileged information. and you'll likely be asked to take it down. not for any legal reason -- you're just burning a bridge and violating trust. so this info COULD be leaked, but under the honor system, it rarely is. (especially bc if you post embargoed info & ruin your org's reputation with the source, you're probably losing your job.)
so what's going on in DR's case?
most likely, all credible sources have either A) been given the information under an embargo, or B) been told the time they can expect an embargoed press release. (i work with law enforcement, so for me this is usually just something like "you can expect the records to be sent out before dinner time friday night but it will be embargoed till 9 a.m. when they're officially public record.")
either way, everyone has probably been warned off asking those questions, but they also likely already know the answer. whatever they received, even if it doesn't reveal all the cards, most likely said daniel would not answer questions prior to the official release time and essentially, don't bother.
what's up with all the rumors?
essentially, when every credible source has their hands tied, there's no one to counter all the randoms. we see it all the time -- people yapping trading theories when we actually know what happened and can't say. unfortunately in f1 some of the randoms have some sort of name recognition -- and for some reason there are like 500 completely not credible news outlets full of untrue shit. so right now, they are the only people 1) free to bang on with theories and 2) who dont either have the info or know when the info is coming available. so that's allowing them to take up all the space.
conclusion: this isn't necessarily good or bad, but explains why we're hearing so many irrelevant people's opinions on this and not hearing anything from VCARB, daniel or his team. it was most likely done to give preferred sources the jump on announcing the news, but also to allow daniel to focus.
i'm assuming the embargo will be lifted monday morning european time, but we may hear a vague denial this weekend as theres probably some building frustration (like daniel saying yeah you'll see me in COTA or whatever).
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inkskinned · 2 years
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this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.
it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?
it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.
as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.
on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.
and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.
and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.
as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.
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batemanofficial · 1 year
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hello upper middle class northern usamerican tumblr user. i want to play a game. you will notice that you are in a super america convenience store in rural kentucky - you have three minutes to purchase a snack and drink of your choice and make normal small talk with the cashier. however, if you use the word "cryptid" or generally make reference to appalachia and its inhabitants as "wild", uncivilized, or lacking restraint around alcoholic beverages during your time here, i will personally tie you to the chassis of a four wheeler and tip it into the river. live or die. make your choice
#speak friend and enter#i can appreciate mothman as much as the next guy but can we stop treating appalachia like it's the subject of a richard attenborough doc#i come from a long line of hillbillies and i like to think i've got a good sense of humor about it but sometimes i am tested#like. this is not a lawless land with a moonshine still in every holler and nameless voices in the woods!! this is a normal town!!#idk maybe i'm reading too much into it but i'm just tired of the cultural fetishization of appalachia by people who aren't from here#and who don't know anything about it. like yeah you know mothman and what hooch is and that's all well and good#but do you know what the opioid epidemic really is. do you know about the structural injustices that keep people like mcconnell in power#i'm not saying you have to apply dialectical political analysis to every issue that occurs in the region to be able to have an opinion#but also like. i'm tired of people looking at places like where i grew up and making them into things they aren't#like. on the one hand we have ''ooh spooky hills!! run if you hear the trees whisper your name''#and on the other we've got ''isn't appalachia so depressing...so hashtag ethel cain core...shame it's got no value beyond aesthetics''#and on yet another hand we have ''i - a person with no ties to the region - am going to take up the cause of every social issue#occurring across the entire appalachian region so the world will see just how bad these poor hill people have it. i am very smart''#and like. it's frustrating#i'm not saying you should never speak about appalachia if something we have is interesting to you#nor am i implying that i want to gatekeep discussion of the region's issues to the community bc that won't accomplish anything#i'm just saying that like any place it's complex. it's got its good things and it's got its bad things.#and you shouldn't isolate the good from the bad or vice versa - especially if you don't know the context in which those things happen.#and for the love of god dont let your own ignorance cause you to boil down those issues into a reductive and inaccurate set of stereotypes#learn about us from us. not from tiktok not from movies and for christ's sake not from hillbilly elegy. i hate that fucking book#anyway that got weirdly serious but i mean it. putting appalachia as a talking point up on the shelf until y'all can speak intelligently#ok to rb
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nexus-nebulae · 5 months
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so like. lately I've been feeling like there's some kind of Thing living in this house with me, like a spirit or creature or something, and i feel like it's been here a long time bc of how long things have been going missing in this house with no explanation. and i noticed when i got really badly sick i lost something and it made me like. sob uncontrollably bc it was important. and then i started Finding things in odd places. so i started thanking the mysterious entity. and now I'm finding More Stuff more often. and like i feel strange for believing in this entity bc I've always been told believing in pagan things is childish (??????) and feel awkward thanking it but also i Want To bc it's polite. anyway i wanna like. leave a little offering or something but don't know what would be appropriate bc i also dont know what entity this is
#first thought is like. house fairies#I've always thought it was something fae related i think?#but like i. don't really know a lot about real fairy folklore bc of all the Media I've consumed#i don't really know what's accurate and what isn't#like sometimes fairies are depicted as extremely powerful and like. human sized#sometimes they're just tiny little trickster guys#and also i don't know what folklore like. applies to me if that makes sense?????#im White™ and whatever culture my ancestors had was scrubbed away to force jesus in instead and i don't know how much my blood matters#I'm mostly german and welsh and was raised like. loosely catholic#and the word appropriation has been watered down so much by The Internet that i can never tell if I'm Doing That anymore#I'm just scared to do literally anything bc what if someone says i am#but also i feel very very drawn to certain myths and stories and entities and feel like letting that go would tear me apart in a way#like I'd just lose something and there'd be a hole that couldn't be filled by any other belief#I've TRIED to fit in other beliefs but they just don't click#i dunno. im scared of doing something wrong but it feels like home to me#anyway i want to leave an offering to this Entity in my house to thank it for returning some things#but dunno what i could use#do you think a fairy would appreciate lactose free vanilla coffee creamer. we dont have normal milk#i also wonder if candy would work. i have a ton of chocolate and caramel#though i also wonder if the Entity is stealing candy from the jars on my windowsill#i wouldn't mind that i don't mind sharing
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holytrickster · 1 year
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also i finally finished the silm earlier and oh my god i understood narn i chin hurin so much better this time. like i know the whole thing isn't included but the fact the main parts are mentioned *after* i knew who the heck everyone in it was and where everything was happening made it so much more understandable now than when i first read it back when i was like 14 bc i went like hobbit -> lotr -> children of hurin with a lot of time in between where i forgot stuff
#bc i remember the first time i read it i was so lost like “where the fuck is doriath and dor lomin and all these places who are these..#..people. why wont turin come back. why does this man have to change his name every five seconds. whos morgoth?“ and so on#like i especially remember going “why is anglachel/gurthang like...evil. yeah you said this guy who made em is 'the dark elf' but what does#..“does that actually mean? he could just be goth i dont fucking know why we don't like him” and reading it now i was like Oh. Haha. Fuck.#i think its funny the main thing i remembered was being like “damn i love beleg and mablung”. past aimenel knew what was up#unrelated the hunting of the wolf was metal as fuck?????#i say that like it doesn't apply to so much in the silm but like. bro#i thought the whole “of beren and luthien” chapter was gonna be kinda boring bc i knew about most of the main stuff that happens already but#i was actually getting back into it all as i was reading#its weird i thought the audiobook would help but i think it was too slow#bc i had like ~8 hours left but reading it myself it took nowhere near that#i like hearing how people read for different characters and stuff and also i like knowing how things are pronounced bc even with the..#basic pronunciation thing in the back i still definitely fumble some names when i read them in my head lol. thinking about how many..#...different ways ive heard Eärendil for instance#or like not knowing for YEARS that dh is th.#dont get me started on how fucked up i probably read anything thats in there in adunaic#butchering every name in the akallabeth speedrun any%
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mariasont · 16 days
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maria omfg just read be so stupid and the part where u said about listen to spencers heartbeat and i am crazy for this type of intimacy 😫 can u make something with pre relationship spencer feeling his heartbeat i dont know their hearts syncing. really anything with that intimacy!!!! im in love with your writing keep posting cz im eating all up 💝💓💞🩷 kisses
Thump, Thump - S.R.
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a/n: hi sug!!!!!!! love love love your beautiful mind!!! pre relationship where there is so much feelings and pining UGH! love! thank you sm for requesting <3
masterlist
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pairings: spencer reid x reader
warnings: pre relationship cuties, pining, all the things!
wc: 1.1k
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It was so quiet even the sound of a pin dropping might be deafening. In fact, it was so quiet that it felt as though Spencer could've read your mind if he tried hard enough. If he could read you mind, he would unfortunately be privy to your annoying inner monologue screaming:
"How could I be so stupid? I've managed to trap us in a tiny, cramped closet that's barely 9 square feet. How on earth did this even happen?"
Or something along those lines.
You had been investigating a crime scene, and somehow, you both ended up crammed into this confined space—so close that you could feel his surprisingly soft, springy hair, which had grown to shoulder length, brushing against your forehead. The closeness was almost suffocating, and you could hear his breathing, which only heightened your awareness of your predicament.
You find yourself in an incredibly awkward position, pressed against his chest, with your arms pinned at your sides as if you're afraid to make a move. Any lower and you risk an EEO report, but any higher and you'll be holding on to his chest, which somehow felt even more intimate.
"Do you think they're close?" you whispered, not knowing why you felt the need to lower your voice.
It almost seemed rude to speak at a normal volume, as if it would be too intrusive. After all, you'd practically be yelling right in his ear.
"Well, we called them 8 minutes ago," Spencer said, his voice vibrating from his chest to yours. "If they took the normal route, they should be here in approximately 3 minutes and 45 seconds.  The average response time for our team in this area is about 12 minutes, but given the urgency, they might be a bit slower."
His hand moved to rest on your hip, and your body immediately went rigid. A jolt of electricity shot from your toes to your spine.
He sensed the tenseness in you because, well, of course he did. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," you breathed out, straining your eyes in the darkness to discern the details of his face. "Just a little claustrophobic."
That was only half true. It was more that you felt claustrophobic because you had no desire to be this close to the colleague you had been harboring an infatuation with for what felt like forever. He was intoxicating--everything about him. Especially now that you could feel his muscles flex beneath his shirt and breathe in the blend of old books and clean linen that seemed to define him.
Spencer nodded at your words, the movement of his head causing his entire body to shift. This brought him even closer, his arm instinctively wrapping around your back.
"Sorry, my arm was falling asleep," he justified, voice soft. You didn't argue, sparks detonating from the point of contact, your whole body aflame. "You know, sometimes applying gentle pressure can help reduce feelings of claustrophobia. It might seem counterintuitive, but it works."
"Well, I don't think we can get much closer than this," you chuckled nervously.
Spencer, without missing a beat, placed his hand gently around your neck and drew you into his chest. You didn't resist, didn't put up a fight. Your heart pounded, and with your ear now pressed against his body, you could heart his heart. The steady thumps were so clear, you could almost hear the blood coursing through its veins.
You softened into his touch, your hands moving slowly to wrap around his neck, unable to draw away from the continuous pulsing of his central organ. You were sick in the head, that was for sure, but the rest of your body didn't seem to care about your head's woes; it was all too keen to liquefy into his body.
You could likely die here—if the team never got here, and this is how you were to go—locked in a child's closet with the man of your dreams; you thought you might be okay with that.
But fate had different plans, which might have been a good thing; you might have been thinking a little rashly. You blamed it on the lack of oxygen flow. Spencer would tell you that the limited airflow in such small spaces means we're breathing in more carbon dioxide than usual, which can affect cognitive functions and make us feel dizzy and disoriented.
Dizzy and disoriented. Check and check. Now, whether that was due to the lack of airflow was a different story.
Without warning, Spencer's hand moved from your hip to your neck, settling between the nook where your jaw meets your throat. You froze in the spot, lips parted slightly as you watched his mouth move. Was he counting?
You realized he was when he let out a disappointed huff. His hand didn't move from your neck.
"Your heart rate is still pretty high," he observed. "Maybe we should try something else—"
"No, no, it's okay. I think it's working."
You didn't want to lose this closeness, and you weren't too eager for him to find out your heart rate was spiked by something other than the small space you were restricted to.
He hummed in response. You weren't sure if he believed you or not, but he dragged his hand back to your hip.
Thump, thump, thump.
You thought maybe you should tell him how you feel, that perhaps now was a better time than any—that the way your body froze around him was anything but friendly and that the feeling in your—
"Well, it looks like you two managed to stay calm."
Your head snapped up to see the team standing there, gaping at you like you were a couple of zoo animals. If they had given you 5 to 10 more minutes alone, you might have been.
You jumped away immediately, face burning as you raked a hand through your hair, glaring holes into Morgan's skull. On the other hand, Spencer looked slightly smug, a small smile tugging at his perfect lips.
"We were just... waiting," you protested, ignoring the look of disbelief from your unit chief.
Morgan chuckled, shaking his head. "Sure, whatever you say, hot stuff."
As you stepped out of the closet, your eyes lingered back to Spencer, your heart still racing. Your eyes met, and the world seemed to freeze for a moment. Maybe you'd tell him how you felt the next time.
"So, pretty boy, you think you'd be that snug with me if we were the ones trapped in there?"
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join my taglist here!
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Uranus and why your life is a ShiT ShoW > URANUS IN Yer HOUSe <
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Uranus in the FIrst - You are the most unpredictable little fuck-head that everyone loves. They always change > there clothes, there direction in life > their hair colour. they thrive in change unless you try to change them, they are the ones changing and dont you dare change them, thats all they have left ;( Uranus in the Second. - Crazy self esteem issues. these people think they are the greatest then the worst person, also same applies to their income because they dont think they are worth much, until they invest into bitcoin and think they will be the next warren buffet. honestly the only thing stable about you is the perception of your value changing. But they love change, something to look forward to i guess Uranus in the Third your brain and communication skills are kinda fucky you know that dont you. you always know how to say something shocking, and extremely good at changing the subject of a conversation, like you dont have to say much, but what you do say just made everyone go huh what the fuck you say? its amusing tho we appreciate you Uranus in the F4urth - Emotionally avoidant, dependent, and attached personalities. They cant make their mind up on how they feel, so they experiemnt with every feeling to see if they vibe with that. mum was probably very unpredictable, and they wanna be like her. they just trying their best to forgive her <3 Uranus in the Fifth - Okay this one is the genius. This one people actually think your onto something when your showing off because you break free of every social convention, and archetype, but in the most perfect way. everyone believes your special, and you can change the vibe of a room like dat Uranus in the Sixth - what a fkn mess your life is. I had this one friend who would have 10 different drinks in his room and he would drink each one sparingly (they were all warm too). he had some serious health issues, and lets not get into his mental health okay. but yall have crazy lives and you make it that way Uranus in the Seventh - Im not a player i just fuck a lot. they choose their partners based off how interesting they are, if you can satiate their curiosity you got em. but if your boring or not worth figuring out yeah g-bye. also they just come off strange so everyone is extremely curious. they get projected on a lot but they dont mind its a good way to find out something interesting lol Uranus in the Eighth - Freaks who will do anything.... and im not just talking about sex, if they want something they'll find any way to get it. masters of attainment, even if its probably not healthy for them, they don't care if they want it they get it. then the object of their fixation changes as soon as they do get it. they are like obsessed with 'progress' but its hard to call it that sometimes Uranus in the Ninth - Clever minds who are always skipping segments of a speech, or a video to find the juicy parts. They have very quick minds that are so easily bored, but if you talk to them, they'll never not have something interesting to talk about. also when change does occur its a LOt Uranus in the Tenth - why are yalll like this. just baffling people like they know how to make an entrance and when everyone starts loooking at them, they decide to make fun of everyone by doing something a lil bit too shocking, almosst making fun of you for looking at them. gets off on shocking ya Uranus in the Eleventh - They wanna change the world, but not in a way that is practical. until it is. They have a million friends because they have a knack for understanding people, but when you ask what they want or what scares them. it just makes you rethink why your even friends with them in the first place. 12 - your crazy. and its endearing but everyone is this close to calling the cops on you or locking you up in a psyche ward. maybe tone down your retardation. we all got something going on but you take it to a whole new level.
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drdemonprince · 5 months
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Can you offer any (academic) writing advice for Autistics and ADHDers? You clearly write a lot and write very well and very clearly, so some insight into your process would be great. Personally, I tend to struggle with over explaining or over citing (cause I am always getting misunderstood) and that I get very fixated on not misrepresenting what my sources are saying to avoid feeling like I'm lying. All this is time consuming and makes it hard to say what I really want to say. Thanks!
Hi there! I've written an essay about a lot of this, here is the free link to read it on Medium:
Much of my writing process is inspired by the book How to Write a Lot by Paul Silvia, and it is specifically tailored to academics. The advice applies to people who write popular nonfiction or fiction just as easily, however. And he does have advice relevant to the self-editing and self-doubt you describe feeling.
The full piece gets into this more, but here are some of the stand-out tips:
Schedule a regular time to write every week and show up no matter whether you are feeling it or not.
Throw out all your magical thinking about what you "need" to be able to write. You don't need the perfect workspace, divine inspiration, the right pen, the right playlist. You just need to show up to write regularly, and do it
Editing, outlining, working with research notes, and drafting all count as "writing." Don't expect your initial drafts to be perfect or to equate writing only with getting new words on the page.
Try writing in public spaces to help get yourself in the mindset of explaining a concept to someone with a different frame of reference and type of expertise than you. Writing in a cafe or a public library can force you think and write in a more accessible way. (alternatively, you can pretend you are explaining the concept to a specific person in your life who you respect but who doesnt have all the same reference points as you -- sometimes this is called the "Grandma Test". Explain something like you are talking to your grandma.)
In addition to all this, I would add that you should read a lot of writing, both good and bad, especially work that isn't dry and academic. If all you read is journal articles, you'll write a journal article -- and most of those are hell to read, even for academics. read fiction. read bad wattsapp shipping. read substacks. read newspapers. read indulgent personal nonfiction in the cut or whatever. read reddit posts. notice what works and what doesn't. develop an ear.
and then write a lot! it took me 15 years to get good enough for anything i wrote to get noticed. you can expect to take many years to get comfortable developing your own voice, too. i dont know how far along you are, but even when you've made tremendous progress you'll only notice your flaws and feel the most turgid brain foggy moments. that doesn't mean you're failing.
also, to some extent you can embrace your citation-dense, precise manner of self-expression. we are living in a moment of maximalism and indulgent, long creative works. it's the decade of the 5 hour youtube essay and the 2 hour album. my 5,000 word essays do better than my 2,000 word ones. you should strip down unnecessary tangents and trust yourself and your reader a little more probably, but ive found that the more blatantly autistic and indulgent my writing gets the more the right people like it. a writer's flaws and their distinctive voice are kinda hard to separate. you're not for everyone!
good luck!
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Fighters should have magic
I mean this shit 100% seriously BTW.
An impassioned rant about Fighters' place in modern campaigns.
There is certainly an argument to be made for sometimes not giving Fighters access to magic! In a low magic setting like Dark Sun (yes, I know the magic situation in that setting is more complicated than that), it makes perfect sense that Fighters wouldn't go anywhere near the stuff! In some of the more old school low fantasy focused DnD editions, or some OSR systems, it makes sense that magic would require years of practice for even the most basic of spells, and so Fighters wouldn't bother with it.
That is not, however, the bulk of modern campaigns. Be it DnD, or Pathfinder, or so many other fantasy heartbreakers out there nowadays, most campaigns are fantastical, filled with wonderous magic and queer tieflings and rogues who literally cloak themselves in shadows and jumping between planes to save the world and so much more!
In these campaigns, Fighters should know magic!
If your setting is even close to treating magic as commonplace, where having a level 1 wizard under the age of a billion fucking years old is considered within the realm of feasibility, than EVERYONE should have access to magic!
Any adventurer in such a setting who decided to start a life of wilderness exploration, and DIDN'T learn the spell Prestidigitation, is nothing short of monster bait. "Oh yes this spell that starts campfires and cleans my clothes and seasons my food and is THE MOST BASIC SPELL IN EXISTENCE certainly isn't worth my time!" - The words of someone about to get eaten by a coyote on their first night. Not even a fun magical creature, just a regular ass coyote because they are THAT unprepared. Even if it wasn't a cantrip and required 5 minutes of focus to cast, every adventurer should know this spell by heart.
But obviously, that isn't unique to just Fighters.
Fighters are focused on being masters of weaponry! They study the blade, learn it inside and out! They don't have time for magic... right?
No. They don't have time to learn SPELLS. That you could absolutely make an argument for. A fighter doesn't have to learn to shoot a fireball, because that's not how they fight. Not knowing magic that augments their fighting style, in a setting where magic is commonplace, is equivalent to that fighter going "Oh I'm too busy to learn to fight with weapons. I dont have time to learn to sharpen one properly." THAT IS ASININE. WHAT REASON DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE FOR IGNORING A SKILL DIRECTLY LINKED TO THEIR CHOSEN PROFESSION? Spells like True Strike are things a fighter would learn! But even if not spells, magical augmentation to their skill are something a Fighter would absolutely embrace! Anything that helps them further the effectiveness of their weapons should be fair game for their practice. Even if it worked like Paladins or Rangers where you typically just don't get the spells until higher levels.
And the games already reflect this! What do Fighters need to maintain damage pacing and ability as they grow stronger? That's right. Magic. In the form of Magic Weapons and Armor.
Magic armaments are considered commonplace in these settings, being handed out like candy. They are an expected part of character progression, and the games are balanced around the expectation that a fighter will be using them. So why, then, is the master of weapons and all they embody completely ignorant on the front of magical weapons?
Sure, a fighter might not be able to craft magic weapons. Not every fighter has to be a blacksmith. But much like how it should be expected that a fighter should be able to at least MAINTAIN their weapons, a fighter should absolutely be trained in the kinds of magic that are APPLIED to weapons. A fighter should be able to take a single glance at a weapon in a chest, and turn to the party and go "Hey this thing is cursed as fuck, don't touch it."
In worlds that are so fantastical and magical, it does not make sense to have a guy who's whole deal is knowing how to fight, and have him completely ignore A MASSIVE segment of fighting styles they will be going up against.
If your setting is magical, then your Fighters should be magical too, damnit!
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winterrrnight · 1 year
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make up
PAIRING: drew starkey x best friend!gn!reader
SUMMARY: you are skilled at make up, and when you're doing Drew's make up while sitting in his lap, you both feel emotions you aren't sure you have felt before.
WARNINGS: fluff, nothing else :)
EDITH SPEAKS: UGH I WISH I COULD DO MAKE UP! but I really cannot ahahahahaha, but in the fanfiction world all is possible ;)
I think the ending kind of sucks, but I really just wanted to write about that make up scene so that's done! Ignore any little grammatical/spelling errors.
Please like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading! Feedback is always appreciated 🌦️
UPDATE: part two is out now! read here
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You and your best friend Drew have been invited to one of your friend's birthday party. The theme of the birthday party is 'Euphoria', so everyone's outfits and make up looks have to be inspired by the show. You are super excited about it, because the aesthetics of the show are mesmerising and the idea of using glitter, and purple-blue eyeshadows makes you enthusiastic.
You are quite good at make up, having picked up at it at quite a younger age. Make up to you seems like painting, but this time a person is your canvas. On the other hand, Drew doesn't know anything about make up. At all. So naturally, you both decided that he will come over at your place atleast 2 hours before the party, so you both can get ready and leave together.
The party starts at 8 pm, and right at 6 pm, you hear your door bell ring. You open the door and let Drew in, who has come with a garment bag in his hand.
"We should get started on the make up, because we don't have enough time." You say, after you both have greeted each other and shared a hug. You take his hand and lead him to your room, ushering him to sit down on your bed as you gather your make up bags.
You pull out all the make up you will need and keep it on the bed for easy reach. "You okay with all of this?" You ask Drew, and he gives you a nod.
"I dont even know where all these go on my face," he says, laughing, "so yes, I think I'm okay. I trust you with this." You smile at his words. He tells you he's done his basic skincare routine: cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen, so now you know you can start with the make up.
You take the primer and as you start layering it on his face, you realise how much you are having to bend, because you're standing in front of him and he's sitting on your bed, meaning you're completely towering over him.
When you are done applying the primer, you straighten your back up and let out a groan. Drew opens his eyes and looks at you with concern.
"You okay?" He asks, your hand now on your back.
"Yes, I'm fine," you say, looking around your room to look for a chair for you to sit down, but internally groaning again when you can't spot one.
"You know, you can, sit on my lap if you want to," Drew says, and you look at him with wide eyes.
"Oh no, its okay, I must have a chair somewhere in my living room, I'll get it, or I can just sit next to you on the bed-" You know there isn't much space on the bed; with your outfit, make up, Drew's outfit, your jewellery, and other little accessories spread around on it.
"No it's okay, I promise," he looks at you with reassuring eyes. You give him a slow nod, and sit down on his lap, your legs on either side. You don't put much weight on him, worrying he might find it a little heavy.
"You can sit down comfortably, i promise you aren't heavy." It's like he can hear your thoughts. You let your complete weight on him, and you see he's still smiling at you. You feel your heart rate quicken when his hands land on your waist and help you sit comfortably. You let out a deep inhale, and try to divert your complete focus to the make up which you need to be done within less than an hour.
You put on some foundation and concealer on his face, and start to blend it out with a beauty blender. At moments, you find yourself holding onto his shoulders for balance, and you take your hand off in just a second.
"Why are you so stiff? Relax," Drew laughs at you, his eyes closed with the unblended concealer still on his face.
He's right. Why are you so stiff? Why are you not able to relax and do what you're so experienced in? This kind of make up look never takes you this long, but your position on top of him, is making you feel emotions you didn't know you had for him.
You've been best friends with Drew as long as you can remember. He's been there for you through primary school, middle school, high school, and even when you both separated paths because you went to separate universities. He never failed to call you up almost everyday to check up on you and update you with everything that's been happening with him. Especially after he made acting his job and started getting attention, he has always taken you to film shoots in different places you never thought you'd get to explore before.
After spending so much time together, you never thought of him something more than a best friend. Why? You don't know. But you've also never ignored the fluttering in your heart each time your hand brushed his when you both reach out for the same thing at the same moment, or when he's doing a photo shoot and he looks at you and shoots you the most adorable smile. But you can never think of being something more. If you did try, you both will most probably fail, and all these years of curating a beautiful friendship so carefully will go down the gutter in a matter of seconds.
So you've always dug all these little feelings in you. No one needs to know about them. You both are perfectly fine as best friends. That's it.
Once you're done with the concealer, you start on the actual make up look. You choose a blush which will match Drew's skin tone really well, and start to layer it on a brush. Drew watches you carefully as you brush the make up brush on the palette.
You move a little closer to his face, the distance between you two being reduced to small magnitudes of inches, and start to brush the blush on his cheeks. His eyes instantly fall shut on the feeling of the soft bristles against his cheeks, an instant calm rushing in his veins. You, with your eyebrows furrowed, keep on brushing his cheeks as carefully as you can.
His cheeks are now subtly suffused with a champagne pink, and you decide to start with the eye shadow.
"Close your eyes for me," you mumble, but he doesn't need that notice. His eyes, already closed from feeling you so close to him, your heart so close to his, your skin occasionally touching his. He just hums to your words, and you start to apply the eyeshadow on his eyelids. You've never been this close to him. You notice every freckle, every scar, every beauty mark on him you've never seen before. He just became a whole lot more beautiful to you.
You want to stay this close forever. His body heat has warmed you up, and you're extremely comfortable in his lap. You slow down your movement with the eyeshadow, never wanting this moment to end.
When the eye make is done, you grab onto the silver glitter and apply it on his cheekbones, which accentuates them even more, and some on his eyelids which matches really well with the purple tints of the eyeshadow.
You get some last needed items: mascara and a lipgloss. You gently apply the mascara to his eyelashes, making sure not to poke him in the eye. You open the lipgloss and move impossibly close to him to apply it on his lips.
You gently drag the end of the applicator of the lip gloss across his lips, the gloss leaving a shine as you move it across. His lips, separated apart slightly, heave of little exhales as you are so close to him.
You just want to press your lips against his.
What? No you don't! Hes your best friend, nothing more. You cannot risk it all simply because you want to know if they taste just as sweet as they look.
You clear your throat as you're done with the lip gloss and move your face away from his. "It's done," you say with a contented smile as you look at your finished result.
Drew looks at you with a grin on his face. "How do I look?" He asks you. He knows he looks absolutely stunning. You did his make up, so yes, theres no way he doesn't look beautiful right now.
"I think you look great," you say with a cheeky smile, as you start to get off his lap, but his arms fixate around your waist and stop you from getting up.
"Don't get up, I loved having you sit on my lap," Drew says with a pout. You feel your cheeks heat up, but just giggle at his reply.
"But then we will get late for the party, and I still have to do my make up look," you say. No doubt you don't want to get off either, but you have to, you have no choice.
"Forget the party, lets just stay here and do something else," he pleads. His blue eyes pierce yours, which want nothing more than to just look at you forever.
"But then my make up look will go to waste! I did it for the party, you know," you humph. Forcing yourself against your will, you get off Drew's lap. You take your time to wear your outfit and finish with your makeup, and just five minutes before your decided leaving time, you both are completely ready.
You now stand in front each other, your faces gleaming each time light reflects on them. You did your own look quite matching to Drew's, the same purple hues and glitter splattered across your face.
"Wow," Drew whispers looking at you, as his arms find your waist again. You're beginning to get used to them being wrapped so firmly around you and softly pulling you closer to him.
You give Drew a smile and intertwine your hand with his, and you both go out of your house to go to the party.
↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-
TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @ragingsammie @maybankslover @totalswag
(if you want to be added, check out the 'join my taglist' post on top! + send some requests if you have any, but read the 'requests' post first!)
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prettyboykatsuki · 5 months
Note
how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭
no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now
idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?
for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.
partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.
you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.
there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that
nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but
a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability
all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that
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msallurea · 1 year
Text
Things I'm manifesting
-Everything from my notes/Dream life (this just basically everything😭)
-Dream face
-Dream body
-Lighter prettier eyes
-Caramel brown skin (think goldenbih)
-Being 5'1 in a half + weighing 110lbs
-Smaller prettier feet, hands, toes, nails
-3b curls/perfect hair
-Lighter hair with caramel highlights
-Freckles + Beauty marks
-Natural makeup appearance
-Dream wardrobe/Fashion/Aesthetic
-Dream mansion + living in luxury city
-Being famous/celebrity/superstar/popstar
-Desired talents/talented at everything
-Being an it girl + sex symbol + muse + vixen (yall get it 😭)
-Being master manifestor + perfect pretty self concept (even tho technically I already am this its just like why not? Ya know😭)
-Dream parents/family + Being an only child (I'm sick of this sibling shit 😒) + radiate and embody hot older sister energy (just cuz I don't wanna be a older sister no more doesn't mean i dont still want the energy😭)
-Prettier handwriting +top notch writing skills/communication skills/over the top intelligence/stupidly high IQ(basically just the brainsy gyal)
-perfect 50/50 HD eye sight + looking hot asf in any pair of glasses (I wanna not be blind but still be fine)
-Prettier whiter teeth and pinker tongue and gums and just dental/mouth in general + OP top notch hygiene skills (I feel people who have bipolar depression understand this part)
-better mental health + no mental health issues + no anxiety/fearful etc
- balanced hormones + increased estrogen(as a girl I have wayy too much testosterone n I've been insecure about it for years)
-perfect coochani + OP coochanini skills (ummm so this is just self explanatory but honestly if yk yk 😭)
-Naturally smell like my desired scent (which is basically like a bakery n just so deliciously annoyingly sweet and seductive; but remember how I said I have too much testosterone gor my body to handle yea..ifykyk😭)
-No more sweating (I don't sweat excessive I just hate it period)
-top notch crystal clean health + no more constipation + no longer pooping n its healthy (ik somebody gon question me but those who suffer from severe constipation especially for me its been my whole life u understand where I'm coming from)
- desired voice + accent + unique lingo n slang etc
-Desired personality + persona + aura + vibe etc etc
-super flexibility skills
-unbearably photogenic videogenic audiogenic + always looking perfect naturally
-Desired school, friends, lover, etc + school it girl
-Speak/know already desired languages
-drivets license, car, motorcycle, etc etc
-Be intimidatingly wealthy (when I say wealthy I mean WEALTHYYYYY) + come from a family of aristocrats + wealthy generational family in general (yall know what I'm tryna say) + luxury etc etc
-Revised life and childhood
-Dream singing + rapping skills + song writing etc
-Good in all sports like frfr just good at everything (basically the perfect it girl)
-Be a Gazillion times better then Kokomi teruhashi (not tryna be self centered i promise🥲)
-Perfect life + graduation + live teenage fever dream
-Bald, completely hairless body and face (but keeping my brows, lashes and scalp hair)
It's more I just can't think of it rn but this is all I will be manifesting
How will I manifest all this?
So for me I'm not really tryna overcomplicate any more I'm just gonna go straight back to the basics n apply what I know which is choose what I desire, affirm/assume its done and persist. I already overconsumed so much and at this point it's a waste of time. I'm not really tryna do no challenges I'm just gonna focus strictly on trusting and having faith not just in myself but my imagination and subconscious thats its done n taken care of, I'll give yall updates on anything that happens soon! I love you guyssss💗💗💗
Affirmations I'll be using
-I have all of my desires from my notes
-I am living my dream life
-it is done
-I choose to live my new story, my old story no longer exist
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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months
Note
A bit of a specific idea, but I had a platonic idea for all of the characters in the Amazing Digital Circus—
Maybe all of them with a Wally Darling-like Reader? An example of such being Reader also speaking in a monotone voice that is both a little unsettling yet friendly at the same time, always making eye contact and never looking away, being able to eat things by blinking, being a lot more aware than they seem, greeting people individually anytime they enter a room, etc etc.
TADC cast x wally darling type! Reader !
Still stuck on mobile so this post may be a little short and whacky <\3 + I'll be relying on this ask for wallys personality since I cant open other tabs without risking deleting my progress on this <\3 + I've never touched welcome home 😭😭
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CAINE:
Honestly, I don't know anything about welcome home as stated above, but I think Caine would have a lot of the same habits; namely the eye contact and I can also see him doing the blink eating...
The only difference is that hes way high energy
I think he would think that you're just a silly lil fella, an interesting little thang, wants to study you under a microscope..
Thinks its endearing how you greet everyone personally.. loves when you do it to him since it makes him feel special n appreciated
POMNI:
Overall pomni is going to need a lot of time to get used to the weirdness of the circus, and this applies to getting over the unnerving feeling she gets around you
Probably becomes speechless and does the face when you blink-eat
You know...
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Just stares at where the food item once was... how did you do that...? What are you going to consume next? Why are you looking her in the eye like that?
..oh you're just telling her you enjoyed the snack you've brought
JAX:
As per usual I'm writing these all out of order, and I happen to be writing jax after I did zooble
I think jax wouldnt just think you're unsettling, I think he would think you're creepy
Now does he think you're a threat? Personally I don't think he would go as far as to classify you as such
Watches in horror as you blink and consume his sour gummy candies
Okay now this is war
You guys sometimes have unspoken staring contests, you usually tend to win them
Actually now that he thinks about it you dont seem to blink outside of eating...
RAGATHA:
"Oh, you're just a quirky lil fella!" Pretty much
Always thanks you when you greet her, she makes it a habit to greet you back when you enter a room
Tends to give you your favorite snacks, I think, but I think this can pass as a general hc rather than being specific to this post !
Little put off by the eye contact but does not turn away or show any discomfort; is able to push through it pretty well !
KINGER:
Okay so I know I mentioned some other characters being creeped out by the eye contact but I think kinger would be the most put off, asides gangle
But also I can totally see kinger having a staring problem; be it because hes lost in his thought and happens to be staring or some other thing
Accidental staring contests between you two/j
Feels like a real king when you personally greet him, probably bows a little and does a lil gesture with his hands before returning the greeting
Similar reaction as pomni when you blink-eat
Where did the food go??????
ZOOBLE:
I must admit, I think zooble would find you creepy, too <\3, or at least a little unsettling.. like sure they wont be mean to you unlike SOMEONE but they're a little put off by your odd behaviors
Though they would get accustomed to it in time, I think, especially since I have a whole "zooble ultimately doesnt care much about what's going as a means to cope w/ the digital circus as well as that just being their personality"
Does not like the eye contact, though; zooble seems like the type who wouldnt like eye contact... maybe I'm self projecting, though...
The eye contact definitely is what fed into the unsettling factor for them..
GANGLE:
The eye contact makes her so so nervous, she doesnt really have eyes the same way everyone else does but it still... makes her feel off
Similar to Caine she does feel nice when you greet her.. yes she knows out do it for everyone, but that doesnt dismiss the nice feeling she gets that someone is. Well being nice to her...
Shed like your voice, I think, oddly soothing and it's not too bold and out there.. not overwhelming, you know?
Not many ideas for gangle today <\3
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faithsxoxo · 5 months
Note
hi ! i hope you’re having a good day :) could you write a reagan ridley x fem/gn reader one shot, totally up to you ! i don’t really have anything in mind so feel free to play around with it however you like, would love if it had a bunch of fluff though ! thank you sm, stay hydrated and take care of yourself <33
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pairings :: reagan ridley x fem!reader (established relationship) warnings :: none note :: my girl needs WAY more wlw appreciation (i love her)
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The mechanical door to Reagan's office slams open, making you flinch. The brunette storms in, clutching a pile of crumpled papers.
"Hey, Reag, you alright?" You stand from your designated spot near her desk.
"I'm fine. No big deal, just my dad screwing me over as always," She grumbles. "He's decided that my work from the past month isn't up to 'Ridley standard' so I have to redo it all."
You can see Reagan visibly crumple as she flips through the pages she spent so long on. You didn't have a clue what any of it was about, but you knew it was complicated.
"I'm sorry," You whisper as you wrap your arms around her torso.
"It's not your fault," She mumbles, leaning into your touch.
"I know. Maybe I could help?" You rest your head in the crook of her neck. "We can go home.. have a spa day.. watch a movie.. stop worrying about this bullshit."
Reagan grins softly and shakes her head. "Tempting, but I have a deadline."
With that you can see the shift in her demeanor. She frowns and pulls away from your hold, reaching for the papers once again.
"No," You grab her arm and gently pull her away. "Not happening. We're going home if you like it or not."
"But-"
"No. I suddenly came on with an illness because I spent too long in the genetics department, and you came to take care of me. No buts," You link her arm with yours and lead her to the door.
"Twenty four hours, no work. Got it?" You give Reagan a stern look.
She shakes her head with a chuckle.
"Yeah, yeah. Got it."
Barely twenty minutes later, Reagan is sitting cross legged in front of you.
"Ugh, it's cold," She winces as you apply the face mask.
"Its hydrating. Alright, pick out a movie. I'm gonna go check on the popcorn," You finish with a peck on the lips, before skipping off to the kitchen of your small apartment. She had only moved in with you a few months prior, for your one year anniversary. Reagan had been desperate to escape from living with her dad any longer.
You take a moment to admire her while shes distracted. Reagan in her full beauty, splayed out on your cream couch. Her face is painted green, yet in your eyes she's still the pinacle of perfection. You take note of how relaxed she looks compared to the tense bundle of nerves she had been previously.
"Are you going to get the popcorn or are you going to keep ogling me?" Reagan calls across the room.
"I dont know, ogling seems pretty tempting," You grin back.
She rolls her eyes with a small huff, but you can see the corners of her lips turning up slightly. You swiftly grab the popcorn and return to your place on the couch.
"Hey," She grins softly at you as you curl into her side.
"Hey. What movie did you pick out?"
"Space Jam."
"Ugh, seriously?" You shake your head and giggle.
"What?" Reagan protests. "It's a good movie!"
"Suuuure. You gonna bring out your old prom dress with it?" You tease.
She smacks you on the arm playfully.
"It would be an honor to see me in that dress, I don't think you deserve it."
"Oh, right, after I've spent all this time giving you a spa day this is how you treat me," You cross your arms and begin to pull away.
"Maybe I'll just go eat popcorn by myself."
Reagan pulls you back towards her, wrapping her arms around your midsection.
"Too late, you're stuck with me," She announces, giving you a kiss on the cheek.
You sigh, leaning back into her.
"I guess I can live with that."
Reagan turns on the movie as you snuggle into her. With the dim light of the TV, both of you eventually drift off in eachothers arms, finally in complete peace.
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spaghettitm · 5 months
Note
THANK YOU THANK YOU AHH I’m glad you enjoy them !!! If it isn’t too much trouble, I have ANOTHA idea in mind…
Headcanons for any of the idols and/or Acht X Reader with their first kiss!! Totally up to you who you choose, I don’t mind! I hope you have a great day :D
anon you give me no choice but to write every idol again (i didnt write acht because i forgot to oopsies
I DONT KNOW WHY MARIE'S IS SO .... @///@
——
🩷Callie🎀
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I'll start out by saying she is a REALLY good kisser.
She had kissed you on the cheek or forehead before you where dating from time to time, but she always saw it as a way of her showing affection
Your first KISS kiss was slow and gentle
It felt like heaven, her soft lips tenderly pressing against yours... WOOHOO
Afterwards, she kind of gazes at you in awe.
She gives a giddy giggle and plants littles kisses all over your face (definitely leaving lipstick all over you!)
💚Marie❇️
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You two had gone on 5 or 6 dates before kissing was even an option
She straddles your lap, starting out slow.
it soon leads to a sloppy makeout sesh
you're both rolling around basically, she's on top, then your on top, and so on and so forth.
before it could lead into anything... else... she hits you with
❇️ : “ ...You'll need to take me out on a few more dinners and we can continue this ehehe ”
💖Pearl👑
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To be honest, her kiss was mediocre at first.
Don't get me wrong, it was a loving moment between you two! Though, their lips were a bit chapped.
You inform her about her lips, which caught her by surprise.
She immediately applies chapstick, cursing under her breath to herself that she didn't BEFORE the kiss
This will definitely be a funny story to reminisce about with her later in the relationship!
🩵Marina🎧
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She was super nervous to kiss you
Marina had to prep herself ALL DAY
You had to instigate the kiss, leaning in first, cupping her cheek etc etc
It took her a solid minute to register that you in fact where about to kiss her
Though, when You do eventually kiss her she's all in.
She holds your waist, and twirls your tentacles/hair
💙Shiver🦈
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they're really bad at kissing
despite them being a 24 year old person, they've never kissed anyone EVER.
You had to show them how to kiss you
Shiver held your hand the entire time though, as if that helped at all
🧡Frye🍤
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She'd let you sit in her lap for the kiss.
She struggles to keep a serious tone, making jokes the entire time.
Frye is the type of person to go *kiss* hi:) *kiss* hi:) *kiss* hi:) *kiss* hi:)
They're pretty good at kissing, for someone with not a lot of exsperience
Her teeth got in the way a little bit though
They hold onto your waist, rubbing your back slowly :333
🩶Big Man🀄
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Ay ay!
Ay!
Ay ay ay ay... ay ay ayyyy!
ay ay ay~
AAAAAYYYYY.... ay.
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oursystemblog · 4 months
Note
is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry
Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut
I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.
i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more
Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion
I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.
I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover
Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best
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