#but i mean it wholeheartedly to everybody in the fandom

[steelstreqq]

tw// abuse

i'm not a very big blog by any means, but my rustout au debut design post got some traction and i feel like i should say something about the future of that au and where i stand making mcyt content:

first of all, let me just say that my brain is absolutely scrambled due to a multitude of reasons in my personal life and having one of my biggest inspirations be unveiled as an abuser is fucking heartbreaking. like many others, he got me through the worst parts of my life and his work united me with both my family and friends. my heart goes out to shelby, as i have been in a similar situation as her. hearing her story reminded me of my own and i wouldn't wish that on anyone.

there's still a part of me deep down that thinks this whole outing is a dream and wilbur isn't a piece of shit but in all honesty i know that isn't true. and i've been collecting my thoughts on this matter as best as i can to come to a conclusion on where i stand with producing mcyt related content in the future

i still love mcyt, i always have and i always will. however, i can't say for certain where rustout is headed. on one hand, the ccs and characters have been separated to such a degree to where i feel that using his characters is completely fine. but that's just the problem, its *his* characters, they source from *his* mind.

im not sure where im headed with rustout now, which is a shame since this au has been turning over in my head since wilbur first made that rust video. it's something i've poured my heart, soul, time and identity into and dropping it is almost unfathomable to me.

as of now, rustout is currently suspended while i figure out what to do with it. i'm sorry. in the meantime you can expect to see qsmp related content from me

i wish everybody involved in the situation the best, and every member of the mcyt fan base nothing but happiness. seeing such a large icon who created a massive safe space online just.. collapse so suddenly is gut wrenching. remember to do your daily click, drink water, disconnect from social media at the end of the day and take care of yourself. give yourself time to breathe, let the dust settle. things will be okay

[chrollohearttags]

remember dear writers,

your writing is a privilege, not a right. It is shared with others and not for them.

write what makes you happy + not what everybody else claims they want because their minds change like the wind. That fic is still just as perfect with or without smut and thousands of notes.

people’s reading comprehension or lack thereof is not your problem. If they can’t understand your art, it’s not for them, period. Don’t let it discourage you. You are also not responsible for anyone else’s perception of your work.

POST YOUR WORK! Stop being scared and share that shit because the right audience will find you.

you are not a content machine. If these ‘readers’ can’t be vexed to care about your well-being and wanna unfollow bc you’re not pumping out fics everyday, FUCK EM. and I mean that wholeheartedly.

lastly, you are in competition with nobody. This is for fun and nothing else. Find your tribe, enjoy your fandom/fixation and leave the other shit to the birds. This is not high school, this is not Mean Girls + we’re all adults (I hope). We’re all a bunch of weirdos simping for drawings.

[basofy]

ive been told all sorts of things by people to get me to not care about this scene, from 'it's a joke, laugh!' to 'we should just forget about it if you talk about it youre weird' and im honestly not willing to take it, this hasnt been a problem on tumblr just wanted to vent, but it surprises me how mean this fandom can be to people who relate to the issues in the game. all ive been told from either of these points of view has been hostility, it all just becomes 'shut up about how you feel, i dont want to hear it' and idk but thats a weird position to have as someone who likes a game that asks you to care about harsh topics. im just posting this to say i will keep talking about this scene as much as my soul wants me to, because i relate, it all comes from the heart and not from fetish, an ocassional joke might happen but i have my limits too, i also dont think a joke erases how much i care. if i overstep pls educate me on why, but please dont tell me to just shut up about it, austin dropped this thing out of the blue with zero elaboration and left it all to the players, it's everybody's choice to care or not and i personally choose to do so.

im an adult who has not had a normal childhood, teenagehood or even adulthood, im still processing a lot of stuff, if you dont want to see the process of my growth youre free to leave but pls just let me exist. i cant even get proper professional help so thats why i use dumb pixelated people from a videogame to process my troubles, and making art that comes from my experience and people ignoring everything in it and telling me i probably just fap to it genuinely hurts. im talking from experience here, man. my problems arent fap material, not to me. everything i make about the harsh stuff in lisa (everything, not just this scene) comes from my feelings. it's legitimately cruel to just have the stance that every art that reminds you of bad things is made with dick in hand. i care about this campfire scene, i care about lisa, brad, buddy. so many of the emotional aspects of lisa stuck deep with me and i just want to express myself, that is all.

im also very thankful to my friends who saw me lose my shit over this thing the day i watched it and have kept up with me and watched me process it, and the friends ive made who try to see what im trying to show with my art.

-

sidenote i think its fine to not be okay with this thing existing it hasnt even been a year, but i wholeheartedly think people should try to give it a chance and not see it as an attack from austin, regardless of what the intention behind it could possibly be. there's stuff thats in the game that supports it and stuff that feels worth pointing out, dont be so scared of things that want you to feel.

[soyeah-anyways]

there is something i’ve been wanting to talk about for a while now. it's been on the back of my mind and i feel like it’s something that should be thought about. this post is less of a forceful sort of “you should think like this!” sort of thing but more of a food for thought. everytime ive seen ship wars (especially ships that haven’t been confirmed canon) there are always people who bring up certain moments that convey romantic attraction of two or more characters based on assumptions of the viewer. they then use those moments as a means of telling the other person in the argument “hey, this moment that i thought was romantic is proof that this ship has more chances of being canon than yours!” and vice versa.

in general, this is fine. i feel like if you’re having a discussion with somebody on the probability of a ship being canon, it would make sense to bring up moments between the two or more characters as way to prove your point. so overall, this is perfectly logical. the problem is, these tactics aren't always used during civilized discussions or arguments, these are used as attacks towards the other person. the attacks become even more aggressive if they(the aggressor) have more people on their side. because suddenly, the second more than one person agrees that a moment is romantic, the ship is canon. 

this has always bothered me because people who believe that truly think that the creator of the show would agree. i've learnt over time that this isn’t the case. majority of the time, creators don't have the mindsets that fandoms have. and more often than not, they see their shows from a surface level point of view. meaning that they don't look into or analyze things NEARLY as much as fandoms do. even if it seems so blatantly obvious that whatever scene that conveys an emotion in the fans, is intended. there are many examples i can think of when these sorts of things happened but a big one that sticks out to me is the idea that pacifica is abused by her parents in gravity falls. 

when the northwest mansion mystery came out(and even before that episode) people wholeheartedly believed that pacifica was abused. it was one of the main things that EVERYBODY talked about(myself included!) there was an abundance of fanfictions, and posts, and ideas, that revolved around the whole concept of pacifica being abused. it made perfect sense too, i mean you gotta be really messed up in the head if just listening to a literal BELL scares you. but then it was confirmed by alex hirsch that this wasn't the case. on the northwest mansion mystery commentary(available on yt) with alex hirsch, featuring matt braly and jackie buscarino(va for pacifica). it was confirmed that pacifica wasn't abused at all. alex hirsch was appalled that people would even think that, he made it clear that in his mind, pacifica's parents were just douchey people that do douchey things. alex hirsch couldn't wrap his head around as to why people would even think that. of course fans were allowed to do what they wanted, and if they connected with pacifica because they thought she was abused, that’s okay. but alex hirschs’ commentary really shows you how creators really think about their shows. 

this isn’t even the only example i can think of, there were SO MANY cases of fans seeing things that the creators wouldn’t have even thought about! i mean just seeing how owen dennis(the creator of infinity train) didnt consider lake being non-binary until fans made the connection shows you how little creators/writers think about those kinds of things. the only person i can think of that even CONSIDERS viewing their show from a fandom mindset is dana terrace. THIS is why moments that could be seen as romantic could be completely unintentional. you really don't know whether something is canon or not unless you get explicit confirmation by the creators or scenes within the show. although, like i previously stated, there is nothing wrong with assuming or even believing that moments are romantic. my problem is with the people who choose to use moments like that as weapons to attack others' beliefs. quite frankly, i think it’s pretty stupid to do anything of the sort, especially considering that the second they(the aggressor) are proven wrong, they refuse to take accountability over the fact they harassed somebody over a SHIP. but even if they WERE right in the end, that still doesn't excuse this sort of behavior. I don't care what the circumstance is or how obvious it seems that the ship will be canon, you have no right to harass somebody over the probability of a ship being canon or not. there is no need to be hostile. 

i really do think that if people like this went outside and spoke to a real person for more than 3 minutes, they would understand that ships being canon or not are not important in the grand scheme of things. maybe i'm wrong, maybe this is something that is normal or at least should be considered normal. but for everyone's sake, could you at least try to be respectful about sharing your opinions? thank you.

[arceespinkgun]

I’ve seen people talk about how TFA Blackarachnia got shafted in the name of man pain™️ and to make Optimus look noble in comparison, and I wholeheartedly agree. Her deep trauma is used mainly to show Optimus’s reactions to it, and she is coddled in ways no men would be. Like, she puts Prowl and Bumblebee on a countdown clock by envenomating them so Optimus will have to do her bidding... and then she needs rescuing (so Optimus can look heroic) and when she keeps her end of the deal and spares Prowl and Bumblebee, the conclusion of the episode is that maybe she’s good deep down—not that she was true to her word to make sure she can get Optimus to do what she wants in the future!

...But there’s also another trend in TFA that I noticed, one that I think could be extremely controversial in the fandom: I think TFA also treats Sentinel unfairly. 

Hear me out—I’m not saying he’s not a jerk! All I’m saying is that I think there were many cases throughout the show where he does reasonable things or draws the correct conclusion about something, and then the show goes out of its way to force him to be wrong... even when he’s actually right. That sounds paradoxical, but here’s a list of instances of this happening:

—Sentinel wasn't wrong to think Bulkhead broke that building while at boot camp and also wasn't wrong to want to disqualify him from service for it, but the show makes him look like a big over-the-top jerk to do that even though Bulkhead could've actually hurt people and that was a lot of property damage! And Bulkhead is the only one who could've done it, but the show doesn't take that direction with Sentinel's choice.

—I didn’t care much for the episode where Lockdown catches the Decepticons for Sentinel (I mean, he couldn’t even catch Starscream with Prowl’s help before, and why would he be dumb enough to think the lying clone would pay him more?) but if Lockdown is capable of catching them, why is it wrong for Sentinel to hire him? He’s a neutral, not a Decepticon.

—“We're in hot pursuit of a convicted Decepticon spy.” “Oh, you mean the one you just let get away.” Sentinel even goes silent for a moment like we should all see this as such a burn... but those are pretty bold words from Optimus when in actuality his team just let “Wasp” escape! There was enough time between “Wasp” fleeing the base and Sentinel and Jazz arriving that there was no way they could have even seen him!

—Optimus tells Sentinel he shouldn't be chasing Wasp on Earth and should be leading Cybertron, while Sentinel insists that Wasp's escape had something to do with the Decepticons. And he's right! Shockwave arranged it! But because Wasp gets mutated by Blackarachnia, the show never even reveals this and it doesn't matter.

—In the episode where Blackarachnia takes Wasp, Sentinel says a horrible thing about how she should've died as Elita. Saying that is probably the most terrible thing he ever does in the show. But later, when he says she didn't escape in the Transwarp explosion to save everybody and instead says she sacrificed Wasp to escape... I have no reason to doubt him? I feel like he's the only one who treats her a villain? But because he said something so terrible before, the show clearly doesn't want me to agree with him on this.

—When Sentinel later does what Optimus thought was right and tries to get home to Cybertron ASAP so the planet has a leader, he's immediately punished by the narrative because his prisoners escape.

—When Sentinel institutes curfews and makes propaganda videos saying the Autobots should be wary of Decepticon-like activity, he's framed as a fearmongering fascist by Ratchet and the show—but how unreasonable was his response really when their top intel bot was just revealed to be a Decepticon who critically injured Ultra Magnus? Sure, it looks extreme, but from his perspective, doesn't it seem reasonably cautious? The Decepticon who did that was still at large!

—In the most egregious moment IMO, the crisis literally would have been averted if he had been able to fire on Omega Supreme earlier—Megatron also wouldn't have wanted himself and Cybertron to explode! Sentinel would have called his bluff and saved the day! But instead, Ratchet and the Council immediately shame him for being "reckless"... even as the Council calls Ratchet and Captain Fanzone the REAL heroes... even though they also disregarded the rule of law?!

—Then, adding insult to injury, the show rewards Ratchet for taking the Magnus Hammer and Jazz immediately quits.

—In The Stunti-con Job comic, Sentinel is framed as being stupid for punishing the police for conducting a search without a warrant—so he's punished for being militant, but also punished for NOT being that way? Which is it?

There are also a lot of smaller moments, like all the times Optimus's team claims something major with NO proof and Sentinel is framed as being a jerk for not believing them. But given Sentinel's position, wouldn't it be bad if he did believe claims that they broke the Allspark just to keep it from Megatron and that it isn't really destroyed (even though they had no fragments to show until later) or that Longarm is a spy without being presented with any proof first?

I just don’t think anything is gained from Sentinel having chronic always-wrong syndrome like this. If he was occasionally right or had a point despite being really flawed, then wouldn’t it just help characters like Optimus learn things and make the show more complex? It also would make it more understandable why Optimus goes to bat for him at certain points, and would explain how Sentinel has a high position and became a Prime. 

TL;DR Sentinel just can’t win!

[seazethemoment]

MARLON’S “MAIN FLAWS”

(Whenever I make a new canon character blog here, I always like to check the pulse of the online fandom beforehand to see what opinions there are about the said character, if there even are any LOL. That little ‘screening’ helps me get a better picture of how the character might be perceived by other muses and muns, and I always have a lot of fun resisting, detailing, or doubling down on certain ‘stereotypical’ characteristics. Obscure canon muses rule for customization, as TPC and the fandom provide a loose framework for the character...and then you’re encouraged to go the OC route the rest of the way. It’s a blast, at least for me. Jupiter, Clair and Barry say hello!

So, what’s the point of this post? Well, I think it’s acceptable to say that Marlon isn’t very liked by the wider community, which is fine and fair. Good. Aside from not appearing much in the core games in general, the main critiques that I found are: (1) he’s totally oblivious during the Plasma events, and (2) he’s a pushover trainer and his Gym is not challenging at all.  Again, valid stuff. Let me take this post to explain how I’m going to interpret these two “main flaws” in my portrayal, because it’s already--not in a bad way!--come up a couple times.)

Obliviousness during Plasma events

In the games (and my portrayal), Marlon ultimately does end up helping the protagonist: he lowers the Frigate bridge, remember? Yes, he was/is almost completely unaware of Plasma’s doings, which I take as a combination of his personality and Plasma operating smartly. And yes, he does say that Plasma’s not bothering him, which is...yeah, not the best wording. But for my Marlon, actions will always hold more weight than words. He doesn’t see Plasma actually doing evil things where he’s at, so it’s hard for him to really care about them, for better or worse. 

Marlon also knows that only some of the Plasma members are truly evil, which is why he hesitates and asks thoughtful questions first. He has an open mind and is always ready to forgive people for the right reasons (perhaps forgiving people too quickly.) The ocean accepts all rivers, and he wholeheartedly believes that everybody has good intentions to start. I don’t recognize the take that Marlon wants to help Plasma at all. if he truly took the time to know what they were all about, he’d want to fight a bit harder. He’s not that oblivious.

But, during Plasma’s arc, he doesn’t go all out. For the most part, he’s chilling. And I want to say this: if your muse resents Marlon for his lack of action, that is fine and encouraged. He didn’t have any bad intentions, but for people in the know (aka the protags and power players on both sides), the damage has already been done. And I say let the feelings fly. Just know that Marlon truly didn’t mean any harm. He’s aligned to be overwhelmingly good. Maybe too good, too forgiving...but he’s got a big ol’ smile for everyone regardless. 

(’Pushover’ stuff under the cut!)

Eighth Gym pushover   

I actually sort of agree here: I always found Marlon to be an easy battle in the games, especially after battling Drayden’s dragons. In my take, however, Marlon didn’t get to choose where he was in the Gym order...he just kind of “fell in” to the eighth position after Unova needed trainers to replace vacated spots. Due to Humilau’s location, it got locked in the last slot.

It’s really refreshing for me in a way: Marlon’s not the strongest Pokemon trainer ever (definitely not Clair) and he doesn’t take his job seriously at all (which, IMO, is a major breath of fresh air.) You’ve heard of skilled eighth Gym Leaders challenging and beating their regional Elites, now get ready for a mellowed-out surfer bro who’s on the verge of losing his position because he keeps finding better things to do. Unique. Amazing. 

Now, with all this being said, my Marlon is still an extremely skilled trainer. While he’s not going to really challenge the Elites (or even Drayden) until he truly starts focusing on battles, his water team was raised with an overwhelming amount of love and care. Marlon is knows everything about the ocean, and he’ll always be a friend to all aquatic Pokemon. He’s no battlefield killer, and that’s okay. 

As for his Gym...I mean, I feel like trainers appreciate the mellow experience. It beats getting shot out of a cannon, right?

While his team may not be the strongest, Marlon’s Pokemon are taken care of to the max. And, just like their trainer, when they do feel the rush for battle, they truly give it their all. Every time. 😊  

(Whew, this got long! It’s a stream of consciousness ramble by now, but in the end, this post isn’t meant to dispute any of Marlon’s “flaws.” I’m also not demanding that people treat him any different. Just offering my perspective and take(s) on said conceptions, and (hopefully!) providing a bit more character depth for my favorite surfer boy as a whole--because TPC sure didn’t. I’m doing it myself... 😤)  

[iheartbookbran]

What do you think of the moment where Bran thinks of Arya as his little sister? She's not, he's her younger brother. I also wonder why GRRM wrote Bran seeing Lyanna and thinking she's Arya. He only noticed she wasn't because he noticed his hair had never been as long as Benjen and that Lyanna could beat him when Arya couldn't. It's interesting how downplayed their bond is in fandom when Bran wanted to be a knight and Arya was the one he played swords with and Arya then later learns waterdancing.

Hello Anon! First of all I know it’s been like, a while since you send me this ask. I’m sorry it took me so long to answer. But better late than never, I hope…

Ok so there’s a few separate parts of this ask, so I’ll try to answer each one separately.

What do you think of the moment where Bran thinks of Arya as his little sister?—Eh, honestly? I think this is just a mistake from GRRM and his editors. With a thousand and so pages long book, they’re bound to happen. I personally never thought there was more to that line than an editorial mistake, I could be wrong though. If I could think of an ‘in universe’ explanation, it would be that Bran tries to paint himself as older and more mature than he actually is, and thinks of Arya as younger than him, which imo, is kind of in-character for him.

I also wonder why GRRM wrote Bran seeing Lyanna and thinking she's Arya.—Well I think this is GRRM’s way of showing us that Lyanna and Arya share a similar appearance and personality. As if everybody who knows Arya and also happened to know Lyanna on a personal level inevitably making the comparison between the two wasn’t enough to hammer the parallels home. I know this is a controversial and touchy subject in the fandom (tho tbh what isn’t), but the way I see it, these shared similarities are important not necessarily because Lyanna is the Special Girl and being like her makes you Cool (though if you enjoy Lyanna as a character and also Arya, that’s obviously a plus), but because this ties directly to Jon’s own story, him growing up wondering what his mother was like, what she looked like, whether she would have loved him or not, all the while spending his childhood with a girl so similar to his mother, who loved him and accepted him so wholeheartedly despite his social status, and who Jon loved and cared for in return and he carries that bond they share and is unable to truly let it go even if it goes directly against his vows to the NW, which perfectly connects to the ongoing theme of continuing love despite distance and hardship that I would argue is a pillar for the series as a whole. In this essay I will—

It's interesting how downplayed [Bran and Arya’s] bond is—I mean if you ask me, every single relationship that involves Bran is downplayed or outright ignored because the character himself is downplayed and ignored, because well… we all know why. You could literally replace Arya’s name here with Jon, Robb, Sansa, his parents or anyone of his family for that matter. Speaking of the Stark family, I think it’s significant how Bran is like, the only Stark who doesn’t have any beef or unresolved conflict with a family member? Not counting Rickon, obviously. But even Sansa and Arya who don’t share any scenes with him save for flashbacks or memories still show a great deal of fondness for Bran, they miss him constantly and are devastated at the idea of his death. One of my all time favorite Stark family moments is the one between him and Robb when Robb brings him to his room. Jon groups him constantly alongside Robb and Arya and asks for his forgiveness for not being able to betray his vows. And of course, we can’t forget what Bran means to his parents, especially Catelyn. In many ways Bran feels to me like the glue that holds these characters together, and he represents the very heart of the family in general, like Winterfell, y’know? Tbh I love how much Bran’s family unanimously love and appreciate him. I wish the fandom was the same but…

[whatismylife3]

Okay, I normally stay away from the drama and the “toxicity” of the F1 fandom because I don’t need that in my life. I enjoy the sport and I like to keep up on all socials (not Twitter but I’ve never been part of it for reasons). I have some drivers I prefer other others but I don’t have an issue with any driver really (except that one guy but everyone has an issue with him so no shock there).

But honestly I just need to say that I don’t like being part of this fandom anymore. At least, it’s making me want to step back and keep up with the bare minimum in regards to the drivers and stuff. It’s literally getting unbearable. It seems like almost everyday a new argument starts between fans. I get it. Last season was controversial - not just the last race but the whole season was filled with controversy for more than just Lewis and Max. That’s down to the FIA. I have seen people blame them which is good but most of them time I’ve seen people just hate on a driver and pin it on them. Or say the team manipulated it. It’s getting ridiculous. So many people are acting like this is the worst thing to happen in sport… it’s not. Every sport is filled with controversy and F1 has plenty (I mean, I can make a list if people want). Truthfully, I’ve found this fandom more toxic since DTS has come out because of Netflix showing their version of “reality”. Just my opinion. It’s why I refuse to watch it. They literally portrayed drivers who are well known to be good friends on and off grid as rivals who can’t stand each other (i get with Daniel called them a bunch of c*nts and I’m sure he meant that wholeheartedly). They literally want people to believe that not every team on the grid can be as toxic as some others. They can be. They are firstly a business - if you don’t perform or you affect the performance of someone on your team in any company, you aren’t coddled so why would they be any different. I honestly don’t get how people can believe anything Netflix show for a storyline.

You’re allowed to not like a driver. But I don’t get why you want to waste your time and energy on it. Picking fights with fans by purposely posting in that tag as well is what a troll would do. That’s pretty pathetic in my opinion and what a child would do. But you’re also basing you’re whole opinion of a driver on the tiny part you see of them and how the media portray them. You don’t know these guys. The drivers who seem like the nice guys could be dickheads. The drivers who are seen as the devil incarnates could be sweethearts. We literally don’t know. People seem to think that tiny part they see is also a super accurate depiction of their entire personality and it isn’t. If people only got snippets of certain parts of my personality, I’d probably be disliked depending on what was shown… same with everybody. You’re allowed to call out a driver when they do something wrong, but some people act like the morality police and will use things from years ago to hate on a driver in a situation that has nothing to do with what has actually happened. Tbh, pretty much every driver on the grid, past and present, has said or done something controversial (before or after joining the grid), so if we are gonna continually call out a driver for something that happened years ago we need to keep that same energy with all of them which probably also means your faves.

Okay rant over. But honestly, people need to remember that it’s just a sport. It’s not that deep. Just gonna get ready for people to hate on me cause “they’re allowed to express my opinion here and I can hate on a driver if they want” but so am I and here’s mine.

[lmanberg]

i get where the ebblr critical anon is coming from, but like you said, there's no where else in the fandom that you can actually be critical about ranboo without getting bashed to hell and back, we focus on those negative traits here because we can, same goes for tubbo but viceversa, twitter does not hold back when talking shit about him and the only people who wholeheartedly support him in everything are the ones from his subtwt, that's also why everyone was so excited over the polls because we're all used to ranboo and tommy getting all the love in the main fandom that it surprised us that it was more equal here

we might seem nitpicky but that's cause we are, ranboo is a great kid, the negative things we talk about are mostly to do with his fans and how he's still in small creator headspace, than with him, so ofc they're gonna sound like a stretch because other than those things he's doing a great job, and most of our criticism is constructive too, we don't think he's a bad person or someone who is mean to his friends on purpose, everybody has been rude to their friends even by accident including Ranboo and tubbo, either way it's just details we notice and point out because of tubbo's reaction to them, but like everything else, as a fan you don't know everything, just what they show us

as for the hetboo stuff, from what i've seen, it's a joke? i'm almost positive that nobody here that makes those comments actually believes it anymore, it's more of a running joke now that has kinda gotten old and died down except for some anon/lurkers that are still new to us snd take it seriously, but overall we're still learning to balance our unintentional bias especially now that we've grown more :]

it's nice to get some feedback though to look at what we do or say and how it can come off because we are here to support both of the guys after all, in whatever they have going on as well as them as individuals, and it is sad to notice how sometimes it might look like we don't give ranboo as much love as we give tubbo ;-;

btw i used a lot of 'we' here but that's because i see how the other blogs treat these issues too and it's a general agreement i think, but all these words are mine and i won't speak for anybody else ofc it's just easier to write rambles like that than to write 'me' and 'i' all the way lol

Just too add because I forgot I said this until an anon brought it up, but the hetboo stuff isn’t he is attracted to women/he isn’t. We’re all confident he likes women. It’s more he is attracted to men/he isn’t. So when he is he’s bi/panboo, when he isn’t he’s hetboo. Yes the joke is old but I don’t think it’s anything to be too concerned about :)

[hecohansen31]

Secrets Whispered

Michael Langdon x Secretive! Reader

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

Long time no see, right?

I just thought about this idea, since @guiltyfiend (also please do let me know, when you know what you prefer what you’d like as your ko-fi reward!) made me an amazing ship based about this concept and I just couldn’t wait to do something about it.

I am also personally, maybe (since I don’t feel apprecciated in the other fandoms I am in) of making a few comebacks in this fandom, if any of you would like iit obviously!

So, please, if you want more, don’t forget to leave some kind of feedback I truly apprecciate it from the bottom of my heart and it’ll truly make my heart beat stronger and my fingers write faster!

Don’t ever ever forget to support your beloved writers with feedback, if you liked what they wrote!

Have a nice reading!

SUMMARY: Michael is immediately fascinated by you as there are just too many mysteries around you.

WORDS: 2,9 K

WARNINGS: Mention of Trauma, Mention of The End of The World, Apocalypse-Antichrist and all that stuff, Also I am just extremely rusty about writing Michael, so please do bear with me if this sucks...

Michael had noticed immediately how you stood out of everyone else in the Outpost he had been ‘examining’.

It wasn’t some kind of ‘cheery and flashy standing out’, like many of the women and men that threw themselves at his feet or thought to impress him with a few sassy words that would get them instead on his nerves.

No, you simply stood out, because you didn’t try anything to impress him.

And no one in the Outpost seemed to truly know you.

Which was very strange for a group of people that had passed six months with only the company of each other in a closed off place, but whenever he’d question people about their relationships with you, he’d receive always the same answer.

They didn’t know nothing more than him.

You weren’t certainly shy, since you liked chattering with others  next to the fireplace, but there was some mindless rhythm to the conversation that made it particularly difficult for him to discover much about you, since he couldn’t help but feel like you used soft and polite words as a shield.

So, he couldn’t lie when he admitted to you that he had been looking forward to the interview.

Your eyes had ducked immediately down to your hands, a slight blush on your cheeks, but he knew that you weren’t simply faking modesty.

In all truth what you were doing was simply hiding your reaction to him.

To avoid giving yourself away.

He had known back then that it would be quite the power struggle with you and when he had started questioning you, all he had gotten were curt but short answers.

‘Is your name…?’ ‘Yes’.

‘… and your parents are…’ ‘Yes’.

‘… before the whole Apocalypse, you worked at a local library, didn’t you?’ ‘It was actually a bookshop, sir’.

And it was almost unnerving, hadn’t Michael, as always felt, like there was some thrilling challenge in your words and secretive demeanor, but his haughty tone had quickly shifted, when an answer of yours had surprised him.

‘Why, Mrs. (L/N), should you be chosen for the Sanctuary’ he had asked, hoping it would get him some kind of reaction from you, and it had.

Your head had finally pushed itself up to meet his eyes, immediately latching themselves onto Michael’s light blue.

‘… I don’t think that I even want to go to the Sanctuary, sir’ there was some kind of innocence in your reply that would have sounded arrogant from anybody else, hadn’t it been, like in your case, the utter truth ‘… for me it isn’t a question of deserving it, sir’.

The added words had certainly meant to somehow soothe the veiled insult the previous ones had uttered behind themselves.

‘Why do you think such an unconventional thing, little dove?’ the nickname this time got an honest shade of red placing itself on your cheek ‘… must I remind you that one of the few rules I’d like all the residents to follow is to be sincere to the core?’.

But he knew you weren’t lying.

And yet, it would have been easier if you had.

Although he strangely didn’t want this to be easier, because he liked complicated people, even more in a situation like this one, one in which everybody seemed so dull in the face of the end of the world.

But you were anything but dull underneath that defied appearance.

‘I am sincere’ there was fire in what you said, like it thoroughly burned in your heart.

Like you believed it wholeheartedly.

And Michael liked that.

‘… I just…’ now slowly something intimate and personal was coming on your face ‘… if this world had come to an end, is it natural that we continue on living on borrowed time?’.

There was such a longing ache in your words, as if you knew that they were true and yet you hadn’t ever had the courage to utter them, because they would have sounded foolish.

And they would have to anybody but Michael.

He also lived on borrowed time.

‘Humans ache for survival’ he commented, loving the contrast that your eyes made at hearing those words ‘… in any way or shape. It’s a natural instinct’.

‘And yet survival isn’t living’ you spoke softly, your head slowly turning away to look around yourself, as if you had again to hide your true self and Michael couldn’t help but be almost wounded by the move that meant a backward step in your journey.

He had been interested when this conversation had started with you, but now he was… almost enamored with what you had said.

What you hid so attentively, guarding it as a dragon would do with his own treasure.

‘It isn’t the same thing, you are right’ the low tone of his voice was enough to regain your attention ‘… but isn’t surviving better than staying outside where the toxic air would kill you, in a few minutes?’.

And now sadness crept on your face, alongside tiredness, as if you already knew what would be happening, next.

What Michael would have said.

And you were tired of it.

And it was enough to get your blood boiling, in a wonderful reaction in front of Michael’s eyes, happy to have gotten under your skin, but what you said hit him deep inside.

‘I must seem selfish for thinking this way…’ your voice was low, but it had an edge to it that brought, this time, Michael to focus his attention on you ‘… but I never asked to be saved, some people just stormed in my house, because they said I had some kind of special blood… and they… they took me, meanwhile my whole family died’.

He would have laughed in the face of everyone, had they said something similar, because he knew that it was all a show to convince him.

But you thought that truly.

‘There are millions of people better than me, and I got fucking lucky to be the only one to be here, alone and useless…’ now you were through your own ‘delirium’ and although Michael had been desperately looking to dig in your own soul, he felt like he had just hit a moment that was too private.

Maybe a bit too much.

‘… I am not the one you want to bring to the Sanctuary. If the world has come to an end, it must mean something’.

That Michael’s plan had worked.

But he almost felt guilty for it.

‘… I am sorry’ the words were now quiet, as the others you had uttered echoed deeply in the walls of his small private quarters ‘… it must… I must have misspoken myself’.

‘Oh no no’ his tone was rushed and although he knew that he was showing her something that he had always kept inside of himself, treasuring them attentively ‘… had all the interviews been as interesting as yours, Mrs. (Y/N)’.

Strangely the words weren’t of any comfort to you, although Michael accompanied it with a soft smirk on it, definitely less devious than the one he had for other people.

But he guessed he must have still looked like a wolf clothed in sheep clothes.

‘… is this over?’.

Whatever he had gained through the interview had somehow been completely dispersed, now and you looked like you desperately wanted to go away, somehow, probably because whatever mask had been held in place was now shattered on the ground.

‘Yes, it is’ and he hadn’t ever seen somebody raise that fast with a full set of petticoats ‘… but, I’d like to talk to you, more, Mrs. (Y/N)’.

A bitter smile was now on your face.

‘There are better people in here’ you spoke, and he detected finally something that you had hidden for so long: insecurity.

And as much as he wanted to desperately use it against you: he couldn’t bring himself to.

‘… more deserving of the Sanctuary’.

‘I’ll take that into consideration, if you don’t have any other suggestion for me on how to do my job’.

‘Again, my mouth speaks words that I don’t truly mean…’.

It was almost adorable the way you rushed to apologize.

But there was no fear in your eyes.

It was a first.

‘… I was joking’.

A breath of relief still escaped your lips, and as soon as it had appeared it was now gone.

‘I didn’t think that the devil could joke’.

And your last words effectively knocked the air out of his lungs.

Michael knew for sure that you had been avoiding him, probably uncomfortable with what you had shared with him.

Or better what he had forced you to share.

You’d leave supper early, as soon as he joined it and you’d rush your step whenever you met him in the corridors.

And it was such a shame, since he wanted to get to know you better.

So, he had planned like some kind of idiotic male a small strategy to meet you alone in the library, that afternoon, stalking attentively every step of your day, soon realizing that you visited the enormous local at least once a day, after lunch so that you could unwind and another time after dinner, setting up the book that your fellow housemates had left everywhere in the room.

You had an order of your own and you respected it almost maniacally.

A routine of some kind and Michael took advantage of it, catching you as you were completely taken by a reddish volume in your hands a pile of half-forgotten books adjusted beside you, as if you had suddenly been taken by the impulse to search through the pages of the book.

He wondered whether they had asked for you and you hadn’t been able to deny the claim of the paper.

‘… interesting reading?’ he had startled you, and you had immediately closed the book, almost risking to hit your nose, meanwhile Michael wasn’t able to stop a laugh from leaving his mouth  and you lowered your head to hid an embarrassed annoyance on your elegant face.

He had carved its traits in his pillow as he dreamt, a tormented dream of you standing right on the pillow next to him, staring at him longingly but resistance always matched it, in your eyes.

‘… definitely is’ you commented, meanwhile you turned the book so that he could look at his title, the defiance in your gestures didn’t have to speak loudly for it to be fully understood ‘… ‘The Scarlet Letter’ by Nathaniel Hawthorne, have you ever read it?’.

Michael had been a child when books had entered his life in silly fairy tales that his grandmother and then his ‘adoptive mother’ had started telling him, as they slowly got darker by the time grew into the figure he had been shaped in since childhood.

But as he had grown up, he had swiftly forgotten the pleasure of reading, different things occupying his mind and he hadn’t ever had a break to properly catch up with human literature, alongside.

And because of that and much more, he had to admit it that the passion of reading had slipped outside of his fingers quite early.

‘I sadly must say that I haven’t’.

Unsurprisingly insolence stayed on your face.

But it was also some kind of teasing innocence.

‘… it is actually an interesting and timeless story’ you explained, a twinkle of easiness on your face ‘… slutshaming is still very much real in here, since Venable would also oblige us to wear a scarlet letter on our chest, would she ever find out that somebody had sex with somebody else in here’.

Michael wondered whether you were you such a smartass always or only in the book department.

Either way, Michael enjoyed it thoroughly.

You seemed slightly less guarded off in the library and he could only guess that it felt the same way he felt in his own private chamber.

Hidden behind his extravagant clothes and his father’s influence.

‘You think that those rules are ridiculous’ it wasn’t a question and yet you nodded lightly ‘… well, I do find them a bit antique myself’.

‘You’d expect the dresses would be a torture enough’ you muttered, as you shot his a softer look ‘… and the poor Greys… it is almost… horrible how they are treated… very Charles Dickens’.

There was a light twinkle of madness as you said that and he could clearly see that although you had admitted that you didn’t want to go to the Sanctuary, you weren’t neither interested in staying here further.

‘Have you ever thought about stopping your survival instinct’ he wanted to ask you, but he knew that one wrong question would destroy all the soft climate that had appeared between you two, so he preferred to steer the conversation on human literature, something that got you quite passionate.

And he admired that love and that passion.

To be loved with such intensity it must have a thoroughly miraculous experience.

And he dreamt about it that night.

The following day he found himself in the library again and soon enough he discovered much more than your literary tastes.

He discovered your favorite colors and as he dressed himself up each morning, he wore them,  discovering that they immediately caught your eyes, in a way that seemed like some kind of animal mating ritual.

What had the Antichrist reduced himself to be just for the touch of a small flame of your love?

A complete actor and a clown at your service,

But slowly the ice in your personality started melting and he found that you had started to lean on his company as if you enjoyed it, encouraged it, even, although this didn’t mean that you had opened up to him in any way of shape.

And by this time Michael wasn’t sure whether you’d ever open up to him.

But you had your own way of showing devotion and interest.

Exactly as he did.

Once he had gotten quite along with you, he had given you his ring as a way to show that he somehow trusted you.

As a way to get you to know that he felt respect for you, although it was all hidden behind the premise of you ‘taking care of it’.

But it was a different show of rank and also it was a show of devotion and interest.

And when you had started wearing it, on a small chain around your neck, the pendant coming slowly to set itself on your chest whenever you stood up, in a way that made it pass unnoticed to everyone except you two.

And soon your crush had flared up.

Michael had been shocked when you had moved closer to him, in one of his afternoon library session, as you closed the book you were reading, ‘Pride and Prejudice’ one of your favorites definitely.

‘… you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire you’ you had said loudly, almost as if you were sure this would be a big fail or an even bigger success, and then you had moved closer to him, something shy and clumsy in your antics as you pressed your lips against his.

And Michael, exactly like a clumsy teenager, as well was slow in his reply to you, pawing your shoulder harshly but you still kept your lips locked a few minutes more to make sure that it wasn’t an accident.

And when you separated you were looking at him expectantly.

‘… isn’t that what I am supposed to say?’ he asked softly, a small smile on your face, softness and genuineness appearing in both your faces.

‘I just thought that I am more Mr. Darcy between us two’ you commented and Michael suddenly felt very surprised by the fact that you knew about your behavior, your secretiveness and your shyness, the walls that blocked him from properly getting to know you ‘… it is just that… you are… you are not who I expected to fall in love with’.

A strange rage had filled him at that, matched with an uneasy annoyance at himself.

It was always the same story: he got rejected.

And you didn’t even know he was the antichrist.

‘… you definitely looked out of my league’ there was a glint of amusement in your eyes and a peak of relief in Michael’s chest as he came closer to you, the second kiss being definitely less messy than the first one, and the one that followed after.

And the one after.

And before he knew it you were both in his chambers, completely disrupting Venable’s rule about fornicating with each other.

And it felt good.

And those walls that you had up had come down, since you had let him in yourself in a way that had made him feel almost understood, as you fought for dominance and power under the sheets, before it settled in a small victory on his part.

Although from the moans, you definitely enjoyed it.

And now you were simply enjoying the quiet.

The quiet before the storm, since he knew that he couldn’t deny the true nature of his powers, anymore to you.

But he could delay the reveal a bit, as you smiled at him.

And your smile held the sweetest of secrets.

And he was glad he hadn’t solved each one you held.

---

Michael Langdon Taglist (I don’t really have a taglist anymore, so if you are interested on being there for Michael do let me know, and I’ll add you, if I ever think about writing something for him again!):

@blakewaterxx​

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[saiilorstars]

Planning is Everything

***One-Shot*** // Masterlist to other stories

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Spencer x OFC

Summary: With the holidays around the corner, everyone starts making their plans to celebrate with their loved ones. Spencer has trouble making those plans when the one person he wants to plan with doesn't really know about his feelings. Maybe things can change when Penelope unexpectedly brings him to Aitana's house for a full day of Christmas decorations.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @maaaaarveeeeel @anotherunreadblog @stareyedplanet​​

[If you would like to be added to this OC’s taglist please let me know!]

Pronunciation of the OC’s name sounds like “eye-ta-na”

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The holidays were thought to be the best time of the year. Spencer supposed it was true if you had everybody around for the period. He heard countless plans that everyone at work were making. JJ of course was planning everything around her boys—she and Will were taking them out God knew where but it would be amazing. Emily and Luke had a few of those holiday-themed dates around the city. Matt was the same as JJ: it was all about the kids. Rossi differed in that he only had his wife to worry about. Tara and Penelope seemed to love the Christmas events in the city, they were out together whenever they could.

He...he couldn't find the energy to partake in any of those plans. He would like to but he had other places he would rather be, places he would really rather be.

No one was surprised when it one day slipped from him. They knew exactly who he wanted to spend all these Christmas days with. She was the only one who hadn't figured it out.

Aitana Serrano could be one of their best profilers but when it came to their own Dr. Spencer Reid, she was quite clueless. She really couldn't see it. And it wasn't like Spencer was a master at hiding it either. His skills at hiding his expressions and watching his body language took a dive when she was around. The good thing is that she was always around him anyways. She liked being around him and the reason for that wasn't that hard to figure out. Thankfully, the two had a very good set of friends watching out for them. They were always looking for ways to nudge them a little closer to each other.

And what better time than the holidays?

"Hey," Penelope tapped the back of Spencer's head, startling him out of his thoughts. He had paperwork set in front of him and he thought he would be able to finish them before going home. "I'm stopping by Aitana's tomorrow morning. She's getting her Christmas tree tomorrow and we're going to decorate it."

"Sounds like fun," Spencer smiled at her.

Penelope almost snorted at the little sad puppy smile that it was. "Don't be dumb, Wonder Boy, and come with me."

"What? No, no, Aitana invited you and..." He didn't want to just invite himself over if Aitana didn't even want him there. "It's your plans."

"Please, I doubt she would mind my plus one if it's little ole you," Penelope winked. "We leave by 10!" She wiggled her fingers goodbye as she headed out. Knowing him, he would need the whole night to get into the idea.

Maybe he did.

Spencer knew that Aitana wouldn't be angry, per say, if he dropped by with Penelope but comiing unannounced wasn't his favorite way to do things. In a perfect world, he would've had enough courage, enough creativity, to plan something out for just the two of them. She was a huge Christmas lover and would give anything to be the one who surprised her with the best Christmas-themed date. But those were just wishes. Reality was a whole other thing and he would have to stick with what he had.

And what he had with Aitana was only friendship.

~0~

Aitana was pulling out the branches of her Christmas tree when she heard the expected knocks on her door. "Come in!" she yelled, rather strained as she pulled apart two branches. She was working on the last part of the tree, the very top, and for some reason it was the hardest.

"We're here, we're here!" Penelope bustled into the living room with Spencer, both carrying bags in their hands. "Sorry, bit the snow makes everything and everyone go slower! And I brought a plus one, hope that's okay!" She cast a smirk at Spencer. Even with that confidence she boasted that it would really be alright with Aitana, Spencer still held his breath until Aitana gave the confirmation.

Aitana was standing on a step stool when they met her in the living room. Spencer couldn't think of a better way to start his day when he spotted her. She was entirely focused on a pesky branch. The snowy day outside hadn't interrupted her one bit. Her short curly hair was braided with a green ribbon to adorn it. Her blouse was a bit disheveled from her work but Spencer could still see the adorable little reindeer print it had. He was sure that her pants were only black because she couldn't find a matching set. She always pulled the best things out of her closet. She had good taste for everything.

Aitana beamed when she saw the pair but Penelope thought she was a very smart cookie who knew that said beam was mostly because of her plus one.

"Spencer!" she exclaimed. "Of course it's alright!"

Penelope's smirk on Spencer turned smug in record time. "Thought so."

He flushed. "R-really?"

Aitana was grinning ear to ear. "Yeah! I would have called you but I wasn't sure if you want to come over and decorate a tree...I didn't know if you thought it would be kind of boring."

"No," he said quickly. "Definitely not."

"Perfect! Oh, and I brought the stuff," Penelope gestured to the bags in their hands.

"Oh thanks," Aitana hopped off the steps and came to take them. "I would have gotten them myself but I had to wait for the Christmas tree to be delivered."

"No problem," Penelope said as she handed the bags over. Spencer did the same but it ultimately was too much and they had to bring the bags to the couch instead. Afterwards, both Penelope and Spencer were able to get rid of their heavy jackets. Aitana had her living room as warm and comfy as possible.

"So I set up the branches already," Aitana pulled back a few steps to motion towards the tree. "What do you guys think? I went with an artificial one. It's just easier and saves me a lot of money for years to come." She'd gotten a decent sized frosted tree with pine-cones and berries. "I mean, I know it's still fake but it looks real, doesn't it? The branches and all...?" She stuck the tip of her index nail between her teeth while she waited for the verdict.

"You know back when artificial trees were developed, they were made out of goose feathers dyed green?" Spencer said, figuring it would help her see that her tree looked much better.

On his other side, Penelope was looking at him like he'd lost it. Why would he say that?

Fortunately, Aitana just laughed. "Really?"

He nodded. "And then when they were made in America, the company actually used the same machinery they used to make toilet brushes but they were dyed green too."

Penelope wanted to smack her forehead. He just kept going and going...

Aitana's fingernail came back to her teeth in her nervous antic. "So...is my tree better then?"

Spencer smiled at her. "It's beautiful."

She beamed and clapped her hands together. "Great! So we can start!" She grabbed one of the bags and headed for the tree. She set the bag down on the floor and took a seat in front of it. "I went with the nude colors this year. I thought it would look nice with the whole frost thing I got going on here."

"It'll look wonderful, darling!" Penelope exclaimed then shoved another bag to Spencer, motioning with her head (in a manner that Spencer wondered if it pained her bones) to go to Aitana. She was already busy pulling out all the ornament boxes and mesh ribbons on the floor. When he finally took the bag and went to where Aitana was, Penelope dilly-dallied by the remaining bag. "Oh shoot!"

Aitana looked up from a box she'd been about to open. "What's wrong?"

Penelope was looking at her phone. "Plumbing problem in the apartment. I have to...I have to go, I'm so sorry."

Spencer raised an eyebrow at her. "It was fine when I picked you up..."

Penelope's smile was tight, almost snapping at him not to go poking holes into her fabulous explanation. "I can't plan these sort of things, can I?" Spencer's expression said she definitely could and would. "Aitana, I'm sorry—"

"No, no, it's alright," Aitana stood up from the floor. "Do you want us to take you back—"

"No! I'm good. I would rather see your marvelous tree picture when it's all done! I'm sure Spencer wouldn't mind helping you, right?"

Spencer wouldn't even bother getting upset for this trick. It was on him for not seeing it coming sooner. "Of course not..." But he would definitely have a talk with her for this later.

Penelope was pretty happy when she left, barely making it seem like she had that plumbing problem.

"Just you and me," Aitana said to Spencer when they heard the door close. "You sure you want to spend your day with me?"

"Yeah," Spencer said wholeheartedly. "Unless...unless you don't want to...?"

Aitana cocked her head to the side, her expression incredulous. "Of course I do! Let's do the ribbons, yeah?" She picked up a shiny dark brown mesh ribbon. "I was thinking I'd put it on the tree and sort of twist them around the branches. Makes it really nice afterwards."

"Yeah, of course," Spencer motioned her to start so he could see exactly how she wanted it.

She had to come up the step stool to show him how to start from the top. They carefully wrapped the ribbon around the tree until Aitana felt like it was secured properly. She then surprised Spencer with another mesh ribbon. It was cream colored with white sparkles. She giggled with his reaction. "It's just two of them, I promise."

Shortly afterwards, they opened up the boxes of ornaments. There were glittery dark browns, cream colors, and dazzling whites inside. Some baubles were larger than others, some seemed a little excessive. Spencer shyly pointed that out but Aitana assured him that it would all come together on the tree.

"I like things to show," she said as started putting some of the baubles on the bottom. "I don't mean excessive but, you know, I want it to be seen. What do you usually do for your tree?"

Spencer had started on the other side of the tree but still stood where he was able to see her. He was being as gentle as he could with her glass baubles. They had little things inside like autumn leaves and stems. It was something truly Aitana. "I don't really put one up."

"What!?" Aitana sounded as if she'd heard blasphemy. "What do you mean!?"

Spencer shrugged. "I live alone and...I don't really have a lot of room for one. Especially one this big," he made a gesture at hers.

Aitana chuckled for a moment. "Yeah, okay, your bookshelves do take up a lot of space...but not even one mini tree? You know they make small ones but not like the 3ft ones."

"I don't know..." Spencer didn't know how to put 'I don't know what to be festive about' in a sentence that didn't make him sound gloomy.

"Don't go Grinch on me, Spencer Reid," Aitana came up to his side. "Maybe after this, we can look for a small tree for you."

The idea of them spending yet another moment together left him with a warm face, especially when he realized it would a moment together where it was about him. Aitana smiled at his pensive face—at least that's what she thought it was—and wondered what type of tree he would like. She would do her best to find one that matched his apartment's style. They spent the rest of the time putting the ornaments around the tree and discussing what type of tree he would like.

"And you can pick out the color scheme for your baubles!" Aitana exclaimed. "It's my favorite part of the whole process: choosing what colors you want for the baubles. There's just so many, you know?"

"Mhm," Spencer nodded. "Did you know that the first baubles are thought to have originated from the idea of blown egg shells?"

Aitana's eyes widened. "Don't kid with me..."

"I'm not," Spencer raised his hands in front of him.

She shook her head with a laugh. "Do not stand there and tell me that my baubles came from egg shells!"

"Well, it's thought to be!"

Aitana set her hands on her hips, raising her head to meet his gaze. "Egg shells?"

"Yes."

"Blown egg shells?"

"Aha."

Aitana wanted to stay serious but her lips were quirking into a smile and before she knew it, she lost against another laugh. "Spencer, I just can't believe half the things you say sometimes!"

"I wouldn't lie to you," Spencer said, meaning it entirely.

Aitana went for one of the last baubles, a large one, and came up beside him. "Yeah?" She looked at him while her fingers tried leaving the hook of her bauble hanging on a branch. "So you would tell me if my decorations were bad?" She meant it as a joke but Spencer still nodded with his most serious face.

"But I wouldn't have to because you always have a good eye for decorating. You'd never decorate something badly."

She smiled at his kind words. Doing so and getting lost with his own smile, her fingers slipped over the bauble's hook. "Oh no!" She dove to catch it at the same time that Spencer did. They ended up grabbing it with their hands over each other's. "Nice catch!" Aitana exclaimed when they straightened up on their feet.

"Yeah, uh, I never had those..." Spencer flushed with the realization their hands hadn't moved apart. He was never a handsy person but right now he couldn't find anything better than this. Her hands were like soft feathers cushioning his skin. Aitana was smiling at him, albeit shyly if he'd paid a little more attention. In his defense, he was trying to make sure his hands weren't as clammy as he thought they were.

"Should we, uh, put the bauble on the tree?" Aitana timidly asked him. She knew he wasn't that thrilled with closeness so, as reluctant as she was, she pulled her hands from the bauble.

"Where did you, uh...?" Spencer looked back at the three.

"Right there," she pointed to the branch she'd been working on. She watched him fondly as he set the bauble right where she wanted it and on the first try. "You're pretty good at this," she said afterwards. "Might ask you to do this with me every year." Wouldn't that be nice? It would be very nice. She had luck this year that Penelope had taken him with her this year because she would've never had the courage to ask Spencer herself. She was afraid she'd bore him to death with this nonsense of hers.

"I'd like that," Spencer surprised her with his words. He was very aware of what he'd said for that he found it hard to look at her for a few seconds.

"You wouldn't get bored?" she asked, pretending to work with a bauble that most certainly did not need work on. "Because I know my decorations take a long time. I take it very serious, as you can see. My brothers always did the tree really quickly when we were younger. Thought they were the fastest decorators too."

"The world record for the fastest tree decorating was 36.89 seconds," Spencer said, "Sharon Juantuah in Essex, UK had a 100 lights, 2 lengths of tinsel and 15 baubles when she was done."

"Really?" Aitana raised an eyebrow. "Only 15 baubles?"

Spencer nodded. "Yup."

"Mm, I like having more..."

"And it looks wonderful."

Aitana brought her fingernail to her teeth, cheeks once again threatening to turn pink. "You're too sweet, you know that?"

It was Spencer's turn to blush. She thought he was sweet. He was actually saying the right things to her. It gave him a sense of hope that maybe one day he might actually say the right thing to get a date with her.

When all the baubles were set accordingly and after Aitana did a quick check to make sure that no two colors were right next to each other, she went back to the bags. She soon realized that Penelope had left her own additions in the bag. She should've known with that woman. "Penelope left me a couple things," she pulled out a box of pine sticks. "It may be an artificial tree but it's going to smell like a real one. You want to put those in?"

"Yeah," Spencer came to take the box and returned to the tree.

"Oh my God, Pen," he heard her say afterwards with a soft laugh to follow. He looked back to see Aitana taking out a mistletoe from the bag. She was shaking her head. "What does she think I'm going to be doing these days?"

Spencer preferred not to voice those thoughts. He cleared his throat and offered her an awkward shrug before he put all of his focus on the pine cone sticks.

"If I don't put this up, I won't hear the end of it," Aitana decided it was best to just go with it. She found the first spot to hang it from which turned out to be the living room's threshold. "I'm going to laugh when she has to give Luke a kiss."

At that, Spencer freely laughed. Aitana looked back to see him having to pause with the pine sticks in order to laugh. It was rare to see him like that. Aitana wished it wasn't like that but given their line of work, it was typical.

Before she returned to the bags, she decided to start up a some music for the background. "Do you mind?" she asked when Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy started from her phone.

"Course not." Spencer watched her sway back to the bags on the couch. He was smiling at her but when Aitana happened to look his way and caught him, he was immediately flustered.

She laughed when he dove his gaze to the branches in front of him. "I'm a whole show, huh?" She may have been embarrassed, her cheeks were a pink tinge. Anyone else would've said she was crazy but that would never leave Spencer Reid's mouth. He wasn't like that.

"It's okay," Spencer said quietly while he waited for his face to calm down with the heat.

Eventually, she returned to dig through the bags. There weren't many things left anymore besides the little ornaments that would go around the house and the tree topper. She started pulling out the tree topper when she noticed something different amongst the remaining ornaments. It was a small box with an adorable little red ribbon over it. She left the tree topper to take the box up instead.

"What's this?" she pulled the lid off and found one more ornament tucked inside. It was wooden crafted with 'A. D. T.' carved in the middle. There was a smaller carving of what seemed like a wrapped candy on the bottom right. A red and white plaid ribbon was attached to its top. "Oh, now this is nice!" She turned around to Spencer and showed him the ornament. "Did Penelope get this?"

Spencer was shifting on his feet for some reason. "Um, no, not...not really. I did." Aitana froze for a second. He now had undivided attention. "I was going to...to give it to you at work but then Penelope invited me here so I thought...I thought it would be—be better here."

Aitana looked at the ornament again with a new sentiment. "This is beautiful, Spencer. Is it hand-carved?" That was a stupid question to ask when she could see it plain as day but right now, her vocabulary wasn't at its strongest. Her heart speedy heartbeats were certainly a sign of that.

"Y-yeah," Spencer nodded. "Your initials. Aitana Dulce Serrano."

"And the piece of candy on the bottom..." Aitana chuckled at the carving. "Dulce means..."

"Candy," Spencer finished, though a better translation for him was 'sweet' because that's exactly what she was. "It's like a signature for your tree, cos...cos it's all made by you."

Aitana felt her entire face warm up. She had no idea what to do with herself at that moment. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She did have an idea of what she wanted to do but she didn't want to invade Spencer's personal space. "You are..." She couldn't even that sentence.

Spencer smiled in what he was sure was awkwardly. He didn't have anything better than that. "Do you like it?" His entire happiness may be depending on it.

Aitana almost laughed incredulously. "Spencer, I love it! The only reason I'm not over there hugging you to death is because I'm not sure if you'd want me up in your personal space!"

Spencer straightened up with a clearing of his throat. "I wouldn't...mind..." He was actually proud of himself for being able to say that in one go, even more when Aitana ran up to him to give him that hug. She was so warm and, ironically, smelled sweet. He had no idea how long the hug would last so he would soak up every second he had.

"I have to find something amazing to give you now," Aitana said, her arms still tightly wrapped around his neck. "I don't know what it is but rest assured that it will be amazing!"

Spencer laughed. "You don't have to. I just know that you love your decorations so I figured having a personalized one would fit perfectly with your themes."

Aitana felt a rush of butterflies thinking about the fact he thought of her and her decorating nonsense. She was really lucky to have him in her life. She may have snugged to him without even noticing.

Spencer noticed. He noticed straightaway. He swallowed hard and had to put every last bit of his focus on making sure he didn't make this awkward. He didn't really know what to do but he was sure the main thing was not to make it uncomfortable. This was the closest he'd ever been to Aitana and he wanted to do it right. "

"I'm going to put this right up front," Aitana eventually pulled away but her eager smile was enough to ward off any of Spencer's doubts. She was enthralled with his gift. "Can you get the tree topper for me?"

"Yeah," he nodded and went for the bag on the couch. By the time he had the tree topper, Aitana had already placed the ornament right at the center. It was one of the first things anyone would notice. He couldn't help his swell of pride seeing it there. Maybe some part of him hoped that Aitana would think of him every time she saw the ornament.

"Looks perfect!" She stepped back beside him.

"Tree topper?" He held it for her. She gingerly took it into her hands and pulled out part of the ribbon. It was a huge ribbon bow in a dark brown and cream color, just like the rest of her tree.

"I want to put it," she said with a giggle. "At home, I always got to put the star. It was easy to do that when you're the only girl in your family."

"You were sneaky, then," Spencer smirked.

"Yup!" She headed for the step stool with Spencer right behind her. "You tell me if it's crooked, alright?"

Spencer stepped back to instruct her what side she needed to tilt the topper should it need to be. It was bemusing to watch her strain to pull it after he asked her if she wanted him to do it. She wasn't as tall but she was going to get the job done one way or another. To her credit, ten minutes later she did it.

"It looks good?" Aitana called. She was giggling as Spencer held his hands out in a frame motion. "What's the doctor's verdict?"

"Perfect!" He dropped his arms to his sides.

Aitana clapped happily. "Then I think we are done!" Spencer agreed and walked over to her. "With the tree because my house still needs a little Christmas upgrade!"

"I know for a fact that Penelope brought a whole lot of stuff for that," Spencer said.

"Yeah, but we can take a break," Aitana shrugged. She went down the step stool only to trip on the last one.

"Woah!" Spencer's reflexes were shockingly good because he caught her on time. "Did you get a little too excited there?"

"M-maybe..." Aitana was flat-out embarrassed and it showed in her cut-up laugh. Her hands rested on his shoulders, gripping them from the fall. "I just really love Christmas, if you haven't noticed." She raised her head and found they were incredibly close this time.

"I noticed," Spencer smiled softly at her. "And I think it's nice that our work hasn't tainted your holidays."

Aitana's eyebrows knitted together. "Is that why you don't put up a Christmas tree? Because of everything that we see?"

Spencer didn't immediately answer but his expression was doing it for him. There were images that just didn't fade so quickly. "It's not the entire reason but...kind of..."

"Oh, and me trying to force you into buying a tree and decorations doesn't help."

"No!" Spencer was quick to say and at the same time pulled his hands off her body. "You being in the holiday spirit is so nice to see! It makes me so happy knowing that your happiness hasn't been spoiled by work. And I would definitely like to put up a tree in my house, if it's with you. I like spending time with you. You make everything better, you make everything...sweet."

Aitana fiddled with her fingers in front of her. "You really think that?"

Spencer panicked for a moment when he realized that he had said all that. His first reaction—his instinctive reaction—was to make up something to downplay his words but Aitana seemed hopeful. She was hopeful for something and that something had to be about his words. He didn't want to be the reason her hope dwindled.

"Well yeah," he shrugged. "You're fun to be around with. Everyone always has plans for this time of the year and...it makes me wish I could plan things with you."

Aitana felt the air leave her for a second there. Her fingers pulled apart from each other and her right hand seemed to want to point at herself but her nerves were too much to do it. She glanced over her shoulder to her Christmas tree then back to Spencer. "So...you'd want to...keep doing this?"

By this point, Spencer saw no more reason to hide. He already said what he wanted to. "Yeah, and-and maybe go out to see, uh, the Christmas festivals. Get some hot chocolate maybe? I-I know there's a mini-concert happening this weekend. All the classics will be sang..."

Aitana chuckled while Spencer slowly trailed off. "Last Christmas?"

"Yeah, I-I'm sure that'd be one of them..."

Aitana folded her arms over her chest and stayed quiet for a few seconds (which seemed agonizingly long for Spencer). Panicking came easy to him thinking she was deciding how to reject him. "Could you...could you take like 10 steps back?"

"What?" Spencer looked down at the floor as if he'd find something there.

"Scratch that, 12 steps." Aitana motioned him to do it.

Though he was completely lost, he went ahead and took the 12 steps back. "...nine...ten...eleven...twelve." He looked around to figure out what was so special about the spot. When he met Aitana's gaze, she was biting her index fingernail again. What was she nervous about? "I'm not sure what to do now..."

"That's a first." She dropped her hand to her side then rushed up to him.

He caught her in his arms just as she threw hers around his neck and kissed him. Once more, the instinct came back and this time it was telling Spencer to hold Aitana tightly and kiss her back. He pressed her body against him and followed her sweet lips in whatever way they went. He knew it was impossible but he was sure that she tasted like actual sugar. He would've laughed if it didn't threaten to end their moment. He didn't want anything to ruin it. Aitana's hands were at the nape of his neck toying with his hair. Her touch was soft like he knew it would be. They'd touched before but nothing like this which meant everything he felt was new and better.

When they pulled apart, only slightly though, Aitana smiled up at him. "That was better than I thought it'd be," she admitted. She giggled with the clear blush on Spencer's face. She pointed a finger up and when Spencer followed it he found the mistletoe that she'd hung earlier.

"Ooh..." That's why he'd taken the steps backwards. "Clever girl."

Aitana shrugged proudly. "First kiss under a mistletoe...how could I let the opportunity pass us by?"

"About what I said..." Spencer stopped when she placed a finger over his lips.

"I'd love to go wherever you want. Anywhere. A walk, a festival, putting up a tree at your place..." She pulled her finger from his lips and fixed his cardigan. "Just tell me when."

"Tomorrow?" Spencer tried his luck. "Uh, there's a live reading for Christmas books. You said you like—"

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" Aitana practically bounced on her feet. She was an utter child for these things and yet he still wanted to give her more events like those? She was really lucky. "Oh Spencer, you have no idea what you started."

"I think I have a pretty good idea," he said, smiling softly at her. "I promise I won't be a Grinch."

Aitana laughed. "You could never be," she cupped his face. "I'm just over-the-top for the holidays."

"I love it. I really do. I want to make those plans that everyone always makes. But, just with you."

"Well, we can take a break here and make some hot chocolate in the kitchen...I have marshmallows. And the sugar."

"Dulce," he enunciated her middle name in a way that left her puddy in his arms.

She leaned on him with the biggest grin on her face. "Hot chocolate?"

"Absolutely," he nodded.

"And then we can start making those plans," she promised him.

Spencer already had at least a dozen plans lined up in his head. His arms wrapped around her again. He could finally do that and more. "I love the sound of that." They met for another kiss that delayed their hot chocolate for at least another five minutes.

[xnchxntmxnt]

Hi Spencer!! Ahhh I hope you’ve reached 200 by the time you get this! It’s been so amazing watching you grow and your works have brought lots of comfiness into my life 🥰 thank you so much for creating and writing and making one of the most aesthetic blogs I’ve ever seen (hehe love the constellation aesthetic) sending lots of positive vibes and appreciation your way 💕

For the matchup event (ahh it’s my first time ever doing one and I hope I didn’t put too much 😱) thank you in advance 💖

Name: eggu

Pronouns: she/her

Preferred partner: open to anyone

MBTI: INFJ

Horoscope: Aquarius

Aesthetic: light academia, soft, oversized sweaters, korean street wear, fandom merch, white and pastels, 4:00 am talks about life, stars and clouds

Some things about me:

I took piano, dance and martial arts lessons growing up and I still enjoy playing piano a lot

I enjoy playing video games on my spare time (I’m currently selling my soul to genshin impact)

I really love music of all genres but I’m currently really into kpop and khiphop (my favourite artists are seventeen and stray kids)

I really like naps and sleeping in general and prefer it over eating — I would say I have pretty low energy in general

I like desserts, pastries and dim sum

I recently got into watching art streams, journaling and collecting cute stationery

I’ve pretty much been a huge geek/fangirl all my life and have loved reading and animation since I can remember

I just finished watching jujutsu kaisen and am currently watching fruits basket (lol I enjoy both extreme shounen and fluffy shoujo)

I’m human and have lots of insecurities but I’m learning

Ideal traits in a partner:

Able to appreciate the quiet moments

I’m not a super physical person, but it would be nice to be physically close to someone I trust and that respects my boundaries

Trustworthy — didn’t have a great past relationship 😞

Isn’t afraid to keep up with banter and has witty remarks... someone that can keep me on my toes

Is driven in something they love

willing to learn and grow alongside me

@eggutartu

Thank you so so so much!! 💕💕💕 i worked really hard on the aesthetic so I’m glad you like it and I’m glad you like what I write! If you ever have ideas, don’t be afraid to share!

Anyway, onto the notes & matchup (I was really proud of this one 😁😁😁)

WHEN I TELL YOU I IMMEDIATELY HAD AN IDEA, I I M M E D I A T E L Y HAD AN IDEA. I was so proud of myself when i got this lol cause I saw your entry when I woke up, barely skimmed it, and said…

TSUKISHIMA KEI

✧ 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡 ✧

Okay okay hear me out

Hot topic (or something similar but I’m American so hot topic)

He was looking to get something for Yamaguchi’s birthday & maybe something for himself because don’t tell me Tsukishima Kei isn’t into anime I know he is

Probably shonen but still

Anyway

You were both reaching for the same thing (yes I’m using THAT trope)

Fortunately for you, there was more than one keychain but still

He was about to get low key defensive like “hey watch it” y’know like

Was in a v short mood

But the second he got the word “hey” out he turned to look at you and just

Froze

And got all embarrassed because look at this beautiful girl he’s standing net to shit he was just cursing you out in his brain

So he’s staring at you with wide eyes and you’re like “oh I’m sorry--you like JJK too? That’s cool”

And he’s stuttering Tsukishima Kei is flustered, everybody

So he’s like “uh yeah kinda I guess I don’t really talk about it a lot cause my friend isn’t into it”

“Well I mean if you ever wanna talk about it we can”

“Really?”

“Yeah, gimme your phone I’ll give you my number. If that’s chill”

“Sure, I guess, yeah”

Akiteru was home that day and hadn’t seen his brother smile this much since he was a kid

Any time he asked though Kei just got all huffy and went to his room

✧ 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠 ✧

U two make playlists for each other on a regular basis (Spotify playlists w collaboration turned on are your best friend)

They're always killer and hit a little too hard

When you tell him you have a new favorite song, he listens to it on repeat until he knows all the lyrics and can pick on you for saying the wrong lyrics if you ever do

Also because it reminds him of you

He loves that he can be himself around you

Really he does

Like that’s one of his favorite things

He doesn’t have to hide any of his hobbies or really anything about him really and he appreciates it so much

It took a while to get there with him, but once he trusted you 100%, he realized he was in love with you

Love and trust are the same things to him (or at least similar) so he knew he loved you when he realized he really could be himself with you around and probably told you as such

He’s not one to push your boundaries, but just had to tell you so it was probably a text like

“Look I don’t expect you to say this back if you’re not ready for that yet, but you’re so amazing--I need to be honest. I’ve done nothing but stare at the ceiling for an hour and think and just realized how in love with you I am. I really am. Take that as you will.”

And then just straight up DIDN’T ANSWER UNTIL 2 AM THAT NIGHT LIKE “sorry I was at Yamaguchi's” LIKE BRO JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT DAMN

Needless to say, he WAS at Yamaguchi's and left his phone at home but it was because he was too afraid of what you’d say

He got home at 11

He just procrastinated for three hours until he finally answered you back

And when you told him you loved him too, his heart SOARED he proceeded to call yams and squeal like a seven-year-old girl for a half hour

If ur shorter than him he uses your head as an armrest, no exceptions

He does it if you're taller than him too he just goes up on his toes to do it

Anyway

Can and will pick on you for everything

It’s the way he shows his love alright

Cute stationery? It’s tacky and “why do you have this it’s irritatingly adorable”

“You’re irritatingly adorable”

“I’m not adorable”

“Yes you are Tsukki"

Lets you call him Tsukki until you can call him Kei

You have to have a thick skin with him because sometimes it’s hard to tell when he’s being sarcastic or not

If he ever did make you cry or genuinely upset though, he’d tear himself to pieces about it for hours and be completely unresponsive to his phone if you text him because he thinks you hate him

When he finally texts you back he’ll never admit how upset he is, but he will apologize for making you upset

It’s really hard to do emotions with this dude but you try to manage

If you can figure out how to make him talk about his problems “let’s talk about Akiteru” “no”? Yamaguchi will love you forever

You get the best friend approval anyway but you get an extra gold star if you can get him to open up more

Oh and you totally like to show up at games or practice and everyone including Ukai and Takeda love you for it because he tries a little harder so he doesn’t look bad in front of you

It’s like a switch he goes from like 5% to 70% effort but that’s the best he’s giving until it’s game time then he’ll crank it to 100%

✧ 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎 ✧

Okay okay but but but but but

Anime dates

Like once a week you two sit and watch anime over discord or smth

You don’t usually talk much but it’s nice to be in each others’ presence

Or close to that

When you can get together it’s that much better

You trade off whose house you’re at every other week, and whoever's visiting picks up snacks on the way

You’ll watch tv, make fun of the characters together, roll your eyes at the sappy moments but lean over to kiss Tsukki anyway

It’s overall a very wholesome scene

But there will be times when he is stressed and tired for whatever reason and he’ll fall asleep

Sometimes he’ll be curled into a little ball on his side of the couch

Sometimes he’ll slouch his head against your shoulder with his arm around your waist

Sometimes he’ll pause the show and pull you down against him and just lay with you for a while

Not even watch tv just

Be happy in each others’ presence

He’ll fall asleep from time to time and you take his glasses off for him

He looks so soft when he’s sleeping and not glaring at people

✧ 𝑍𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑐 𝐼𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 ✧

Libras, while they may not exactly say it, are romantics. They enjoy little things about romance, however modern, like spontaneous dates and flowers. They initiate clever ideas and Aquariuses are good at adding a different perspective, so prepare for in-depth conversations. On the other hand, Aquariuses tend to be trendsetters, which Libras support wholeheartedly.

✧ 𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐 ✧

✧ 𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ✧

my boy - Billie Eilish

Hug - SEVENTEEN

King of the Clouds - Panic! At The Disco

She’s In The Rain - The Rose

I Can’t Handle Change - Roar

Runners up: Sugawara Koushi, Akaashi Keiji

[star-anise]

Hi! I have a question for you that might bring Discourse and I'm sorry. But your perspective is valuable to me so I'm asking anyway and I welcome your best guesses about an answer. Question: WHY is transmedicalism a thing? WHY are so many trans people (and in particular, young binary trans men) transmeds? How did this viewpoint evolve over the past few years -- it doesn't feel very old? Has it been influenced by other shittinesses like radfem shit and fandom anti shit?

I am not an expert in trans intracommunity issues, so there are probably tons of people way more knowledgeable than me.

Tumblr keeps recommending me transmed blogs, so I keep reading them. There are a surprising number that are like “Transmeds and tucutes both have a nice day! You’re both valid but different!” and I was doing the upside-down-owl face of total confusion. It looked like?? It seemed like a community that interpreted “gender dysphoria” to mean not “unease and distress when misgendered” but simply “desire to fully medically transition”, so it made sense to them that “transmed” meant people who wanted medical treatment, and “not transmed” meant people who considered themselves trans but didn’t want to medically transition. 

Which is not?? My experience of non-transmed trans people??? My experience of non-transmeds is that their understandings of “gender dysphoria” tend to lean more heavily on the “distress and impairment” part of the definition. But I’m just going on observation and other peoples’ accounts of themselves, so I’m not best-equipped to speak to that.

My experience with Generation Z transmeds is that many of them don’t even really get why people perceive them as being so hostile. Some do, but others seem genuinely confused that they’re being accused of attacking other trans people. And from what I can see, they find the DSM Gender Dysphoria diagnosis very comfortable and validating. It makes sense! They have a brain disorder! It’s all very validating. It’s like being told you’re not a sack of shit, you have depression; you’re not lazy, you have ADHD; you’re not unlovable, you have Autism; you’re not bad at being a person, you have PTSD. This thing makes sense and surely your parents would understand it if a psychologist or doctor explained it to them!

Do I think there’s a generational component to it? Eh, maybe. Maybe coming of age, or at least joining the LGBTQ+ community, after gay marriage was legalized might reduce peoples’ awareness of how much our survival as a community depends on strength in numbers and mutual defense. If somebody remembers how the DSM treated Homosexuality back in the day, the might be less likely to wholeheartedly trust it now.

I do think this is another one of those situations where the only people having active discussions about this on social media are the fringe dissidents--because the rest of us all agree with each other--so when someone new shows up and looks for their people on social media, they just find the fringe dissidents.

But eh, I’m not totally sure it could all be prevented by better education. There are a lot of really influential adult transmeds out there. I think Kat Blaque has some really good insights into the transmed mindset; her contention is that it’s basically borne out of being in a phase in your transition where you’re desperate for cis validation, and you’d rather have acceptance for being Good Enough than acceptance based on the fundamental acceptance of all people and genders as valid. 

Kind of like women whose self-respect is very based on being emotionally collected, independent, levelheaded, and sexually conservative, so they can’t be called a crazy clingy tramp. It takes more self-confidence to defend everybody’s right to be a crazy clingy tramp. (The Slutwalk era feels like a very long time ago, even though it was only 2011. I feel like you’d never get away with it now)

[eralisse]

Brothers Conflict: Passion Pink - Kaname route - Main Scene 9 - Vacation Day 2

It has been a very long time since I last posted anything. I had left the Brothers Conflict fandom and then recently came back, and then restarted playing Passion Pink and Kaname’s route (since I never finished it before). So I guess I’ll start off with a scene translation.

This is the second day of the Asahina family’s summer vacation, when everyone goes out searching for Wataru. I very recently got my hands on the light novels, and I can safely say that the game has more dialogue lines in the identical segments. (The novel has more narration around the dialogue.)

Brothers Conflict Translations Index

Main Scene 9: Vacation Day 2

August 12 (Thursday)

Juli: Today’s the second day of the family vacation, isn’t it?

Ema: Yeah. I’m going to enjoy it wholeheartedly!

Juli: What do you plan to do today, Chi?

Ema: First, I think I’ll head to the ocean. What will you do, Juli?

Juli: I’m still sleepy, so I’ll be at the cottage. Be careful out there.

Ema: Yeah, will do. Anyway, I’m off.

---

(Mm, the sea breeze certainly feels nice.)

Masaomi: Hey!

Ema: Masaomi-san… What’s going on, you seem panicked?

Masaomi: Have you seen Wataru?

Ema: Hm? Wataru-chan? No, I haven’t seen him… Um… What’s happened with Wataru-chan?

Masaomi: The truth is, I haven’t seen him in a while.

Ema: Oh!? Since when?

Masaomi: He had breakfast with everyone. But, after that…

Ema: Oh no, he couldn’t have gone to the ocean by himself…!?

Masaomi: No, we come here every year, and he’s been told strongly to play only in the shallows, so I think he should be alright from that…

Ema: …

Masaomi: … Sorry, I’ve made you anxious.

Ema: No. Anyway, let’s split up and search! [**1]

Masaomi: Yes, thank you.

---

Kaname: What’s up? Has something happened?

Ema: It seems like Wataru-chan hasn’t been seen in a while… Just now, I was talking with Masaomi-san about splitting up and searching.

Kaname: ...! Got it. We’ll work with you. Azusa, go back to the cottage, and tell Kyo-nii and Iori about this. Tsubaki, go give a shout to Subaru and Yuusuke, then Rui.

Azusa: Understood.

Tsubaki: Alright.

(What should I do…?)

[Choice: Search the boardwalk]

Ema: If I recall correctly, there’s a boardwalk nearby, right? I’ll go look over there!

Kaname: No… You should go back to the cottage.

Ema: What…? Why!?

Kaname: There was a forecast for rain in the afternoon, and also, you’re not familiar with the surroundings?

Ema: But! When everyone else is searching together, for me to sit around waiting, I can’t do that! Because… Because Wataru-chan is my little brother!

Kaname: …

Ema: …

Kaname: *sigh*... Fine. In exchange, you’re coming with me. We’ll search the boardwalk together.

Ema: Okay!

---

Ema: Wataru-chan!

Kaname: Wataru--!

(Wataru-chan… In this rain, where did you go…?)

Ema: … Achoo!

Kaname: Imouto-chan. You okay?

Ema: Y-yes…

Kaname: The rain got heavier than before, hasn’t it? Don’t force yourself.

Ema: I-I’m fine…! A-achoo!

Kaname: Being this soaked, and sneezing like that… How is that “fine”?

Ema: … I’m fine! Until we find Wataru-chan, I’m not going back!

Kaname: … For crying out loud, you… You’re more stubborn than I expected.

Ema: Hm…?

[Kaname wraps an arm around Ema.]

(He… he’s hugging me…!?)

Ema: K-Kaname-san…?

Kaname: … As I thought, your body is completely chilled…

Ema: …!

(The strength of his arm around me, his body temperature, my heart is pounding from them… This pounding… Kaname-san is my brother, so why is this feeling…) [**2]

Kaname: … Thank you. Even though it’s gotten like this, you’re still searching for Wataru frantically.

Ema: Th-that’s because Wataru-chan is my little brother…!

Kaname: Yeah, that’s true. But you know. To me, you are my precious little sister. That’s why, I don’t want you to force yourself. …Got it?

(Th-that’s…)

Ukyo: Kaname!!

(That voice was Ukyo-san!? Oh, I accidentally shook off Kaname-san’s arm…)

Ukyo: I see you’ve searched all the way over here.

Kaname: Has something happened, Kyo-nii?

Ukyo: Yes. Wataru’s been found. Everyone’s already returned to the cottage, so you two should also hurry and warm up inside. You must be frozen from the rain, aren’t you?

Kaname: Ahh, he’s been found, that’s good.

(... Even though Kaname-san is acting like nothing has happened, I’m still a bit embarrassed, and can’t look at him…)

Ukyo: … Ema-san? Your face seems a little red… Oh no, you haven’t gotten a fever from the rain…?

Ema: I- I’m fine! Anyway, let’s hurry back to the cottage!!

Ukyo: Is that so? Then let’s be off.

(... During the time I didn’t know where Wataru-chan was, my heart was pounding from Kaname-san… and I was somewhat insensitive… But…)

---

Wataru: … I’m really sorry.

Masaomi: Yes, but it’s good that you’re not hurt and nothing bad happened to you.

Kaname:Well? What were you doing and where?

Iori: He was playing hide-and-seek with her pet, and fell asleep.

Tsubaki: Oiii, you. You’re a kid, so don’t be wandering off as you please all by yourself, yeah?

Ema: It’s okay, Tsubaki-san.

Wataru: … Hmph.

Azusa: … Wataru?

Wataru: I’m not a kid anymore.

Tsubaki: Playing hide-and-seek and falling asleep, you’re definitely still a kid.

Wataru: … That’s not true.

Ukyo: But everybody got frantic and was searching for you, you know? Do you understand that?

Wataru: … Yes, I’m sorry.

Ukyo: Since you’ve caused everyone such trouble, I’ll definitely be getting help from you for dinner preparations, right?

Wataru: …!! Y-yes!!

(Ukyo-san’s punishment looks strict… Wataru-chan, you can do it!)

---

Ema: Ah…! Subaru-san. The jacket I borrowed yesterday got soaked, so I’ll return it to you after I do laundry. After you went to the trouble of lending it to me, sorry about that. [*1]

Subaru: Ahh... It’s fine. You must be tired from today. Take a break.

(Oh, I don’t think Subaru-san has ever been so kind before…?) 

Ema: Still, I must apologize… Ah, if it’s alright, I’ll wash your wet clothes as well? Here, please undress!

Subaru: Wha-!? S-stop…

Wataru: Onee-chan? Isn’t taking off clothes for having fun at night?

Ema: … Ehhh!!??

Kaname: *snigger*

Subaru: Y-you! What on earth just came out of Wataru’s mouth…!

Ema: You’ve got it wrong! That wasn’t me, I didn’t say anything…!! [**3]

Kamame: Ahahahaha!

Ema: KA-NA-ME-SAN…!

Kaname: Aha, ahaha! Sorry, but it’s just so funny…!

Ema: … You’re laughing too much.

(Argh, that Kaname…!)

Kaname: Haha! Imouto-chan, you can leave the laundry for today. Take it easy together with us?

(Even though a lot of things happened today… it was good to be able to work together with everyone. I hope tomorrow is another good day!)

----------------

Notes:

1. The “No” has a “Don’t worry about it“ connotation.

2. Where I have “heart is pounding”, the text is “doki doki”. So the connotation has more nervous/butterflies in stomach/blushing/etc in it.

3. ”I didn’t say anything” is more like “I didn’t say anything to teach Wataru that.”

In the last section, Wataru is quoting what Kaname said during the previous vacation day, when Ema changes to her swimsuit, but Subaru objects and gives her his jacket. In Kaname’s route, and in the novel, Kaname asks what’s up with the (ugly) jacket and tries to take it off her/persuade her to take it off. Wataru asks why he’s trying to take off her jacket, and Kaname responds with something like “Ah, right. Undressing is for after the kids go to bed. Then we can have some nighttime fun!”. The novel dialogue stops right after Ema says that she didn’t say anything, and Kaname is absent in that scene. Personally, I think the game closes the loop on this scene a lot better.

4. In the scene with Kaname and Ema out in the rain, I had the translation as Kaname hugging Ema with one arm, because I assumed they would need to keep moving. (There’s no plurals; it’s just the character for “arm” but could mean either “arm” or “arms” and is not specific.) However, the novel has a picture of them full-stop, face-to-face hugging. Really, you two? Wataru could be drowning for all you know-- KEEP MOVING. Although, I suppose given Kaname’s line about not wanting her to push herself too hard, it also makes sense for them to stop?

5. When Kaname is taking charge of the search efforts, Ema has slightly more to say here than in the novel. Here, she’s like “what kind of person do you think I am to sit around while you’re all looking for Wataru”. But in the book, all she says is “Because Wataru is my brother.” Then, in both versions, the two have a staring contest that Kaname concedes. I like the game dialogue better, but Ema’s strong front is a bit ruined in the following sequence.

6. Another change is that in the game, it’s Ukyo who finds them in the rain. But in the novel, it’s Tsubaki, and he literally only says two things: “Kana-nii!” and “We found Wataru!”. None of Ukyo’s mothering.

----------------

Comments:

Is this fandom still alive? Not that there were that many fans of Kaname that I could tell... He’s still best boi/man, great character, and the only reason I’m revisiting this fandom. I wish there was more fan fiction/art for him... *sigh*

Lastly, from the various discussions I’ve read over the years, there doesn’t seem to be a clear reason for why Kaname falls in love with her? My thought is that he falls in love with her during this sequence, when she goes out of her way to go look for Wataru. To those of you a little more familiar with the novels, the most important thing to Kaname is his family. In the following scene, when Kaname and Ema take a walk on the beach, Kaname has a line that translates to “Today, you so desperately searched for Wataru... If anything ever happens to you, I’ll come save you. Thank you (for what you did today). That a girl like you is my sister, I think is truly great.”

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-7th Place

>Insert long exaggerated sigh here<

It’s here that I really, really, REALLY hope nobody that I know personally is reading these.

(Also, sorry that this was a day late)

#7-My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (2010-2019)

The Plot: In the land of Equestria, a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle moves to a happy little town called Ponyville to learn about the magic of friendship. There, she meets her best friends Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. Together they’ll do what most friends do. Which is to sing songs, defeat creatures who seek to destroy everything, and learn that friendship truly is magic.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. Hell, I knew what you were thinking before I even explained the plot: “Isn’t this just a show for little girls that twenty-year-old losers fell in love with? How is this in the top 10?!” Now I’ll be the first to admit, there was a time when I didn’t get it either. When I heard that a fanbase grew around a My Little Pony reboot, I thought people were losing their minds. But, on one fateful day in 2014, my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to watch ONE episode that seemed interesting to me. Unfortunately, it was the first episode in season two, and I had no idea what was going on within the first few minutes. So then I decided to watch the entirety of season one and then ONLY watch that episode in season two. And the episode after that because apparently, it was a two-parter. And then I watched the next episode after THAT because it also seemed interesting to me, plus the episode after that, for no reason other than I just wanted to. And then I watched all the rest of the series until the season four finale. And the two spin-off movies called Equestria Girls and Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks. Soon, I found myself reading fan-fiction, writing fan-fiction, looking at fanart, and even reading these spin-off comics that aren’t even canon, but I just couldn’t leave this magical world because it TOOK ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR FOR THE FIFTH SEASON TO PREMIER! ALL BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO WATCH AN EPISODE WHERE A CHAOS CREATURE MENTALLY BROKE OUR MANE CHARACTERS! AND YES! I DID WRITE MANE INSTEAD OF MAIN BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THIS SHOW DOES TO YOU! IT MAKES YOU SO ACCUSTOMED TO THE WRITING AND LINGO, THAT’S WITHIN BOTH THE SHOW AND IT’S INSANE FANDOM, THAT YOU’LL END UP CATCHING YOURSELF FROM SAYING MANEHATTAN INSTEAD OF MANHATTAN!

>SCREAMS WITH INSANITY<

…

So as you can tell, this show is surprisingly good once you get infested.

The biggest hook it has is the animation. While it doesn’t beat The Amazing World of Gumball’s quality, it is pretty impressive when considering that it’s all done in flash animation. Most flash animated cartoons tend to look cheap and slow, and Friendship is Magic is thankfully one of the rare exceptions. The movements are insanely smooth, and the facial expressions are pretty comical to look at. Even in the background of scenes, viewers will notice a lot of little jokes the animators put in. Seriously, the biggest reason why I kept watching the series for so long was that it was nice to look at (which is the case for most people, from what I’ve heard). And the best part? The animation somehow gets better with each passing season. And only 0.1% of the time does it show it’s cheapness, which isn’t that big of a deal considering there are two hundred and thirty-two episodes with a twenty-two-minute runtime. That’s nearly five thousand, one hundred, and four hours of animation that’s good for 99.9% of the time. While you could argue that it’s not the best, it is still pretty good animation quality.

Another thing that drew me in was the comedy. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean Friendship is Magic is the funniest show on the list (that also goes to Gumball). Humor is subjective, and just because I found myself laughing with this series, that doesn’t mean everyone will be on the same page. That being said, I was surprised by the fact that I found the show funny in the first place. It’s hard to pinpoint what type of humor the show relies on (for me, at least). For some cases, Friendship is Magic has dialogue-based jokes that use smart or random lines to get a laugh out of audiences. Other times it's visual humor that requires slapstick or comical facial expressions that will make people laugh. But while its comedy falls between two different spectrums, that doesn’t change the fact that I find myself losing it every once in a while. Even during some of the worst episodes of Friendship is Magic, there’s at least one line or gag that got me to chuckle at least once.

However, both the animation and the comedy cannot top the main selling point of this series: The characters. Friendship is Magic might just have one of the biggest cast of characters out of any show on this list. Most of them manage to be funny, relatable, and are downright likable to watch. What’s even more astonishing is how well this show handles character growth. To be fair, there can be certain characters whose development is slow, but for the most part, everybody grows significantly with each new lesson they’ve learned. There are even moments when the characters say something along the lines of “I’m no longer that pony I used to be anymore because I finally learned how to change.” However, this doesn’t mean that every pony in the show is worth the time. There are a few unlikeable characters, but they’re either meant to be unlikable, forgotten after an episode’s end, or are redeemed after a triumphant return.

This is good because it’s the characters that make the stories in the show work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is split into two different storytelling genres: Slice of life comedy and adventure fantasy. And unlike Steven Universe, it’s Friendship is Magic that mixes both these genres together perfectly. I’m not joking when I say that an episode where Twilight rekindles an old friendship can be just as intriguing as an episode where Twilight fights this soul-sucking centaur made to look like the devil. Hell, some fans even argue that the slice of life episodes are even better than the adventurous episodes. Because while the adventure episodes are cool and action-packed, it’s the slice of life episodes where the characters are allowed to grow the most and are actually given time to be themselves. As for the grand adventures, while their fun to see, the cast is forced to stick to their central personality traits to move the plot forward.

Unfortunately, as fun as this show can be, I can’t wholeheartedly recommend it. Not because there are elements that I think are bad, but because there are elements that might turn people away from watching. And the most significant repulse this show has is also the most important hook.

Yes, the characters in this show are great, but there’s also a lot of them. Some might even say too many. By season nine alone, there are a total of twenty-seven different characters that have the possibility of taking/sharing the spotlight in an episode. And that’s not even counting important figures, recurring antagonists, supporting characters, and even recognizable background ponies (yes, that’s a thing). Because if you want to add those to the mix, you’ve got yourself a total of one hundred and twenty-seven characters (give or take). That is one hundred and twenty-seven different names, faces, and personalities to try to keep track of. Luckily the personalities are easy enough to remember, and it’s mostly the most (in)famous figures that make a return. Even for some of the obscure characters, the show is kind enough to give a brief recap so the audience can get caught up. However, this is reasonably a lot to take in for a casual viewer. Case in point, in season eight, the show decided to add six new characters to the main cast, and it only took me a season and a half to learn their names correctly. It’s even worse since these “new” characters can sometimes feel like carbon copies of the Mane Six (Yes, that’s how the main six characters in the show are referred to as. Deal with it).

And the excessive amount of unnecessary characters are just one issue to deal with. The lessons that the show teaches are another. Before I say anything, I want to clarify that this show has fantastic lessons it teaches kids. In fact, there are even great lessons that are perfect for adults and only adults (know your audience, I guess). However, here’s the thing about morals: Not everyone will share the same view on what’s good and bad to teach children. Every person on this planet has their own life experiences, and with those experiences come different ideas of how the world works. One person can believe that a lesson is good, where others view it as awful and potentially dangerous. Things get especially bad when specific morals are misinterpreted or taken too literally. The best example is the episode “Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep.” I believe that there are two possible lessons within the episode. One is that to truly be forgiven, a person must seek forgiveness from themselves and others. The other conceivable moral is that the cure for self-destruction is to get over it and move on without any professional help whatsoever. Now, take a wild guess on which lesson gets talked about more. And in all honesty, I blame poor/rushed writing that causes specific morals to be muddled, as well as a person’s own life experience in whether or not you find an episode’s lesson to be intriguing or insulting.

Another thing that depends on one’s own personality is (kinda spoilers ahead) how this show handles reformations. I may have commented on how Steven Universe uses redemption poorly, but it’s even worse in Friendship is Magic. This show seems to have the idea that the transition from bad to good is as simple as flipping a light switch. Now, on the one hand, this is not something I should be mad about. The show’s title is Friendship is Magic. So, of course, the series would push that making friends will lead to peace and prosperity. Where making enemies will lead to war and violence. The problem is that from a storytelling standpoint, it isn’t that entertaining. Or, at the very least, not as much as it should be. The art of a good reformation is taking the time for the transition to be believable. Characters suddenly deciding to become good seemingly out of nowhere will do nothing but have audiences rip their hair out of frustration. It doesn’t help that most of the villain’s reasoning and backstories are pretty pathetic when they actually should be sympathetic. However, while the reformation itself can be frustrating, I personally think some characters are made more intriguing post redemption. Don’t get me wrong, these villains were great as they were, being the perfect mix of both funny and terrifying. But when the show actually allows characters to grow and deserve the hand-er-hoof of friendship, they begin to have more fascinating personalities to dissect. Now, not everyone is going to feel this way. And if you genuinely believe these villains were better as villains, I can absolutely see why. But for me, I’ve come to enjoy how far these ex-cons have come from their more evil days. 

But none of this compares to the final controversial element that this show has to offer, where there is a fifty/fifty chance that you’re either going to love it or hate it. I, of course, am talking about...the songs. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has four different types of songs. Depending on the episode, these musical numbers have many purposes. They can move the story forward, only work within the episode’s context, try to one-up Disney, and reveal everything you need to know about a character. Now here’s the thing about the music: I don’t hate it. I’ll admit that the lyrics are pretty lackluster most of the time, but at least most of them sound pleasing to my ears. But I have heard how some people seem to hate these little numbers, and I’m willing to put money on that fans even skip them. Everybody has their own tastes in music, and there’s nothing I can do to convince them otherwise. Only respect their opinions and hope they do the same to mine.

In the end, your enjoyment of this series, once again, depends on who you are. Some of you might think this is a dumb kid's show that should only be viewed by children. Some of you will understand that this show has great characters, comedy, and animation, but you just don’t think it’s for you. And some of you might be like me. A person overwhelmed with curiosity over the weirdest phenomenon in the last eleven years and ended up being pleasantly surprised with how magical the show turned out to be.

(And just a heads up, you don’t have to watch the Equestria Girls spin off series or movies in order to enjoy Friendship is Magic. EG isn’t technically canon, and the only noteworthy thing that makes it worthwhile is Sunset Shimmer. And while I personally don’t hate it, I completely understand how others will. But you do need to see My Little Pony: The Movie (2017), though. It surprisingly plays a big part in season 8 and beyond.)

[jiminieloved]

Hi there. I read a few of the asks sent to you and I just wanted to give you my personal opinion and experience on the "jk-anti" thing. I've been an army since early 2014 and fell in love with Jimin as soon as I heard his high notes in Boy in Luv. I grew very attached to BTS first as a whole, then quickly Jimin, Jin and Hobi became my favorites. All the members are very talented in many fields and they also seem genuine. I fell not only for their artistry but also for their personalities, +

, like a lot of us I’m sure.Jimin was always ready to put himself out there, wether receiving scolding faces or praises from the members. I very strongly believe that Jimin doesn’t like conflict and awkwardness. He is ready to be ridiculized if it allows others to feel more comfortable/to be in the spotlight. He clearly has a strong caracter and we know he can be scary when angry (said by the members themselves). He was and is very mature, much more mature than he should have been at such +a young age (debut era). All the members like to mock each others, they did and still do it today, but much more tamed than earlier on. All the members joked about Jimin and vice versa. 

The only thing though that rubbed me the wrong way was Jungkook's dedication to immediately follow many jokes the others members threw at Jimin. He clearely wanted from the beginning to be equal with Jimin. I don't think he ever did it with ill intentions but from an outside pov it wasn't very pretty++ (my opinion). Especially when Jungkook himself seemed to not be very good at handling critics and jokes, which he received less than what the others members would do between themselves. Him being the maknae and as he said himself, being allowed to do whatever he wanted as long as it wasn't bad, in his childhood, did contribute to that state of mind. (Which I totally get because I was raised the similar way, and I see my younger self a lot in younger JK.) He was testing the waters, trying ++ to see how far he could take the jokes until Jimin snapped.

 As Jimin and Taehyung said themselves, Jungkook wasn't the same in front of the cameras as he was once they were just 7 passionate boys in their small dorm.Jungkook could be so "mean" to Jimin and then be sweet with him in private. And that is what stayed with me until I realized that he did (in my opinion) what he did because he himself was insecure (with himself ((and his growing feelings for Jimin))). People often say that JK is ++ an opened book, which is true to a certain extent, but I also think that all the members are able (rightfully and fortunatly so) to keep away from the public what they really want to keep private. Each one of them at different levels. It's only now that we see how they might truly be and what they got through (thanks to what they say themselves). We can understand them better than what we could understand back then. From thinking that he really was a brat, to understanding the bigger picture.++ And the best thing out of all is that Jimin never held any grudges towards Jungkook, so why would we. We are outsiders, we don't really know them or what they go through. All that ramble to say that I can understand how people could see JK as a bratty boy and be a little annoyed by his actions towards Jimin (back then). Of course, it's not a reason to hate him or anything, but I see how it could be bothering.(To end that nonsense) This goes to all the fandom: +

I would say that I really wish people could appreciate the 7 members, or at the very least not throw hate at them. They are so giving and passionate. They don't deserve to be degraded by people who think they should behave like this or that, nor should they be perceived as gods. We all make mistakes hence we should all be understanding. Hate and bullying (wether online or not) are extremely harmfull, especially mentally. We are just fans, outsiders. ((Sorry for that long and segmented "ask"))

Firstly thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. I guess I’ll just say right off the bat there’s a couple of things I disagree with you on. 

I didn’t experience 2014 era firsthand, but I’ve studied it extensively and aside from a few tense moments (which happened between a lot of the members in their early years) I don’t think JK was mean to Jimin, or trying to push him or make him mad. He was introverted and shy on camera, but like. Again, aside from a few specific incidents I didn’t really see this as him trying to push Jimin’s limits or anything, but rather him just being a hormonal teenager trying not to be embarrassed by a hyung on camera in front of thousands of people who were going to replay it over and over again. Imagine having your moody, hormonal phase broadcasted and replayed to the world for eternity, and having a few badly worded phrases be twisted to fit some sort of agenda for years and years down the road. I hope you kind of understand what I’m getting at, I don’t think I’m saying it very clearly. I think JK wasn’t trying to intentionally ‘bully’ JM, he was just focused on figuring out himself and sometimes I think JM actually pushed his buttons. Not to mention JK continues to tease JM to this day, and JM doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest. ;)

I do wholeheartedly agree with your last paragraph. I think the boys are so precious and I wish everybody in the world could understand that and stan them too.