#but i need far more practice bc in every other project whoever i was working with always insisted on being the camera person

[munamania]

oh my god. my camera work for some of these clips is SO BAD

[inklingofadream]

hey ok 3 seconds into tma rewatch and i have Thoughts:

Now, the Institute was founded in 1818, which means that the Archive contains almost 200 years of case files at this point. Combine that with the fact that most of the Institute prefers the ivory tower of pure academia to the complicated work of dealing with statements or recent experiences and you have the recipe for an impeccably organised library and an absolute mess of an archive. (MAG 1)

So this is on a Doylist level part of the justification for why the archives gang do so much practical research on the statements, but the early installment weirdness on not quite knowing how the institute functions yet, but that plus jon a bit before this stating he’s familiar with their “ongoing projects and contracts” and later in the season tim talking about the grad students implies that the institute also does a lot of like. Books and articles about the supernatural. (idk where these are being published bc it sounds like they aren’t necessarily respected enough for most academic presses or journals lol)

But we know Jon was in Research, along with tim and sasha. And later he goes up to help out with the influx of new garbage statements they get around Halloween (MAG 55). So clearly someone  is gong through the new statements,although based on the description they’re mostly p lightly researched- probably calling up ppl mentioned besides the statement giver and saying “hey did this happen?” and when the friend or whoever says “no he said he was gonna go give y’all a statement for a goof” it’s marked closed.

What I would like to posit is that the institute has several functions practically:

the library probably gets a fair bit of funding, so they can get basically any relevant work published and add it to their collection.

This is where you’ll have a lot of the grad students hanging around. probably a handful of other academics from various institutions, too. In addition to the students working on paranormal stuff, I’d guess you also have a fair number from history, folklore, psychology, and a smattering of other disciplines who’re there for rlly rlly niche projects on physics or architecture. Like i’d imagine anyone in the area doing work on spiritualism ends up in the institute library eventually- if they have any primary sources like journals or manuscripts from jonah’s whole gang, for example, i’d assume they’re in the library bc the archives seem to be exclusively statements.

Honestly Im like 50% sure the institute has contracts with whatever like ghost hunting type shows exist in the uk to contribute research and have someone respectable looking come do talking head segments as needed. this goes up to 100% for the usher foundation, bc i KNOW we have hella programs like that in the states. like Finding Bigfoot has a donor plaque in the foyer of the usher foundation

Other contracts and projects are probably with a handful of other, non-entity orgs devoted to the paranormal, plus whatever the Lukases, Fairchilds, et al decide they want.

Research, I would like to propose, is supposedly all one big department, but in practical terms contains 2 factions:

The segment Jon worked with for the most part, following up on statements and artifacts. probably smaller, except when they manage to draft the rest in for like halloween and such. the regulars are probably mostly the ppl jon gets annoyed at for being credulous and thinking every statement’s legit

the rest are ppl under the institute banner who are working in the library, doing research for outside contracts, institute wide contracts, and writing whatever gets published out of the institute. probably mostly more concerned with the supernatural as like. an intellectual exercise than jon would be, instead of finding out what’s legit and what isn’t. otherwise they’re mostly more jon’s type of ppl, with the academic distance etc.

Artefact Storage is prolly a host unto itself. Sometimes research’ll get tagged to get an item’s history but like. only ppl who work there go there

The archives are also their own thing. no one goes there.

Why does this matter? I would like to posit 2 reasons.

The first is that it explains part of why the Institute isn’t v respected academically. Everywhere else would have whatever primary source stuff and unique books they have down in the archives/special collections with the statements. I don’t know a ton about library science, but I don’t think things usually end up split/mixed like they are at the institute. Plus, there is very much an area where the Institute could be a valued collection! If the archives were organized. In theory, the Archives should be a valued and respected resource for folklorists! No one in folklore studies cares if a story is true; as far as they’re concerned, the archives are full of memorates that could be really useful. Like academic texts in folklore will generally have quotes from ppl’s ghost stories (or tall tales or folk songs etc) intercut with analysis of patterns and what they mean. But they’re organized so terribly. If they were devoted to folklore instead of the supernatural, you’d expect a taxonomy of subject- our collection here at my university stuff organized by like “supernatural: religious” “supernatural: non-religious” “customs” etc. But no one would be terribly put out combing through them if they were organized by date or like. at all.

The second is that since the archives and artefact storage are pretty much self contained, most of the daily interaction between institute employees is between people in research and the library. Giving you people like Jon as a put upon minority among “ivory tower” types, from that sub population of researchers and the ppl in the library. Jon’s worked at the Institute for like 5 years, and he’s too himself for a proper rivalry, but it’s very easy to see the people like him and tim who believe that Some Things Are Supernatural and would like proof bumping heads with the rest. Giving him a general dislike for people from the library. AND! an extra reason he takes an extra dislike to martin instead of going “o thank goodness, libraries are way more like archives than research what do we do?” :)

[fireproofheart]

Endgame Speculation

So I accidentally wrote a three page essay.

Tldr:

Caleb is consecuted,

the city(tm) is full of evil mages doing blood sport who want to unlease the chained oblivion,

Molly and Lucien are totally separate souls,

The empire knows more than it should about the beacons and the city

Ok so I decided about ten years ago that the astral city was actually where the souls that are stored in the beacon exist while they’re waiting to be reborn. Initially, I’d thought that they’d find Molly there, but clearly his body is already up and running. Anyways I think the city is some kind of phantasmal double of Aeor that they created to store the souls of mages who had reached umavi. Now I know there’s been lots of talk of a god killing weapon, but what if it’s that all these super powerful mages souls are in the city waiting to be unleashed. And then if you take to alpha and alpha to be a reference to the rebirth cycle (I go into that in this post) “We trek 'til homeward bound we be” makes sense as something like we drag ourselves through life after life through the rebirth cycle until we reach enlightenment and head back to the city and I think Lucien has figured this out, but Vess hadn’t (remember she was so close to figuring out the book).

I also think it’d be fun if the mages do actually have a god killing weapon up there but what they have is that they think they’ll be able to control the chained oblivion (I don’t think they actually can) but like what if they want to set it free so that it will destroy the divine gate and go kill a bunch of gods so that they can ascend? They might not even think that they can control it, they might just be banking on becoming gods and being able to defeat it.

So like what if there’s all this talk about umavi and perfecting your soul in the Dynasty, but that’s not it at all. What if it’s actually go through lives until you get powerful enough that the mages in the city are like oh hey come on in. We also know sometimes if you go through too many of these cycles you can go nuts. So like I wonder if the black city mages are just nerfing people who get too powerful and who aren’t good candidates to join them, or if they’re like trying to shape a world they want to come back to.

Like maybe ‘umavi’ is really just a shitty club running around hunting shit, like Halas had dreadnaught chained up in his basement essentially and also was messing around with using astral projection to achieve immortality, so why wouldn’t other mages be doing similar bullshit? We know something related to the city is hunting through the planes like Vokodo was Terrified. And if these beings are so enlightened why would they be sitting on top of like some kind of literal hell and engaging in blood sport??  Also what if the wizards knew it would be a hell city so they're all asleep and everyone who wasnt prepared to go is having a miserable time being hunted through an otherwise empty city? And this also works with Matt’s themes about false gods and blind faith!!

So, If we follow the line of thought about the city, it makes sense that the beacons are ancient Zemnian artifacts, created by the mages to ensure their immortal life. Halas was obsessed with immortality, so I think this tracks. I also have a suspicion that nine eyes is related to the governing structure that the mages used pre-calamity, possibly like a Cerberus Assembly type deal, like one for every school of magic.

Anyways! I think at least one of the assembly members possibly more have figured that out and that’s what they’re actually trying to do with the beacon. I think that initially, the assembly thought that the beacon was the ancient weapon, but I think they’ve realized it isn’t. So I think Trent is trying to recreate the consecution process so that they can continue using the rebirth cycle. That man has made some weird comments that hint about immortality, like how he doesn’t ever plan to leave his office, how he wants caleb to kill him etc. I think this raises the possibility that he’s already figured out consecution I also think it’s an interesting possibility that Trent himself is consecuted and has the memories of a pre calamity wizard, but probably the only way that’s possible is if he wasn’t that powerful, otherwise he’d know all these secrets the Empire is trying to decode.

I think what he is doing is looking for Zemnian kids who might be consecuted souls. We all know Trent loves to fuck with memories, he does this shit constantly. So he’s picking up kids he thinks might be cycling souls and trying to extract or trigger their memories while he trains them to be loyal to the empire, so he can command some real powerful mages. I think it’s also very possible that some of the experiments he ran on them were to try and discover or recreate this consecution process. We know he was up to some Bullshit, but not what exactly. We also know that he’s doing all this when they’re teenagers, which is when their memories are supposed to be returning.  

My guess is that only Caleb is actually one of the souls from the city. Also it’d be super fun if he was the soul of Mr. Destruction council member because I think that’d be a fun motive for Trent to be beating destruction magic into him (aside from the practicalities of course). But if Caleb is consecuted, it explains his dream when he slept near the beacon. Where he saw a dark sphere, which I think was the city, and multiple versions of himself. Matt  also  particularly said there were 17 selves which is a high number of rebirths (the bright queen has like 8 and shes starting to lose it) which goes to my theory that he has a super powerful soul. Also aligns with Trent telling him that ‘he has unlimited potential, unlike Astrid and Eodwulf’. And another thing he saw which tends to get overlooked, is a flame and when he looked at it, it felt familiar and overwhelming and he had to stop focusing on it bc he could feel all of his selves pulling at him. Which brings me to my next point.

Trent said that he traumatized Caleb to help him grow and that man basically never lies, he just talks around the truth. He also said that he thinks Caleb could be an assembly member and that other assembly members have been through similar situations. In the Dynasty, the memories don’t come back automatically, it’s just little flashes and then you have to have someone train you to remember your past lives. But the Empire doesn’t know about that process bc its super secret, so they have this other one that uses trauma to trigger the memories.

So I have two thoughts, one that maybe this works for some of the other souls that have gone through it, but if Caleb is one of the Pre Calamity assembly members who had reached a state of ‘umavi’, there was too much information coming through and his mind broke. And now he can’t access those memories at all, not because they’re magically supressed, but because they’re too wrapped up in his trauma. He started freaking out a bit in the dream when he felt the souls pull at him and looked into the fire and I think until he deals with allll that, he’s not going to be able to remember, if he ever can.

Or! I think it’s also possible If his soul was up there in the party part of the city and was like oh hi I don’t feel like hunting people for spORt anymore and got reborn on purpose and actively doesn’t want to remember.  Who really knows.

But if this is the case and Trent was trying to run that process, it would also makes sense as to why he would keep Caleb around for that long in the asylum if he was still trying to dig them memories out. If the second possibility is right it also provides an interesting possibility that the woman in the asylum went nuts when she healed his mind, because if she tried to heal the second part and his soul was actively resisting and lashed out… like heyooo. Caleb being secretly super powerful and evil in his soul, but choosing to act against that also is a nice tie in with the themes around identity that we’ve seen so far.

Where do Vess and Lucien come into this?

I think Vess is trying to release the souls from the city and hadn’t quite figured out how. I think that she used Lucien as a test run for being the nonagon and sent his soul to the astral plane to go into the city using the book and then as part of the ritual, cut the tether to his body so he could go off and do whatever. So it tracks that he killed Vess if he thought that she tried to kill him/did kill him/didn’t tell him that he could die or whatever. It also wouldn’t surprise me if she was prepared to be the nonagon herself even at that point, but wanted to use Lucien because the risk of death was so high.

So anyways, the ritual failed technically, because an ‘umavi’ mage didn’t pop into Lucien’s body to come tell her how to release the souls (possibly by unleashing the chained oblivion lmao) When you cut someone’s tether, they die instantly so I think she did that, a soul didn’t appear and she went fuck ok so that didn’t work. They tried to resurrect him, didn’t work, so they left. But I think the ritual did work in a way. I think they called a soul from the city, just not the one they  wanted and it took longer than they’d expected.

So Molly wakes up, has no memories of this nonsense, because as he said the entire time he was alive, whoever he was before isn’t him. And if the souls can’t interact with other souls there and they think it’s an empty hell city what if that’s why Molly came back saying empty because that’s how it seemed to him??

So Lucien accidentally gets stuck wandering around with all the other trapped souls. And what if that speaks to Lucien’s motivation to try and bring them all back. Like he’s been wandering around the shitty part of the city for years while Molly was up and running and the black city mages have promised him that he won’t have to go back there if he brings them back to the material plane. So I think Lucien mostly knows how to do this and like maybe needs that book for the technicalities, but I also think he’s going to Aeor to go find another beacon to use for the ritual. And obvi when Kree resurrected Lucien, he actually came back this time because his soul was willing and Molly’s wasn’t.

So I think Vess was trying to figure out how the ritual had failed, but I think after the nein told her about Molly and shit, she’s probably figured out that really the only piece she was missing was how to get the soul she wanted.  I think that missing piece is probably a beacon and that you could possibly use them to communicate in a way or draw the specific souls from the city. But I think it took her too long to figure it out because the beacons are super important to the peace effort, and I don’t think she’d be able to sneak off with one right now, so I think she was going to Aeor hoping to find another one. I think if she had, she would have become a vessel for an umavi mage and she would have learned how to bring back the city and I think right now, we’re in danger of Lucien doing exactly that.

My final point is that a lot of people have been saying it feels like we’re getting into the endgame of the campaign with the stuff that’s happening now. I agree. I also think it would be very tidy if Matt had wrapped Molly and Caleb’s story arcs around each other to end the campaign. Also having them defeat the literal past, the assembly and possibly a god would be a baller way to end it.

[theghostofashton]

“don’t say that.”

yeah um. today sucked. this is major projection, based off a couple things i read on @bisexualgawsten (i made a post with screenshots if you want to see it. it’s the last thing i posted. but anyway yall should follow them if you don't lmao i have their notifs on bc i check their blog too many times a day to be considered healthy)

but yeah heavy depression and anxiety trigger warnings i'm sorry

Geoff's been gone for over three hours.

He said he'd be back in two. He said he was just going out with some old friends for dinner and he wouldn't be gone long. Have a couple beers, catch up, he'd be back before Awsten knew it- And Awsten swallowed hard at that part. He remembers how thick the saliva felt in his throat, sticky, clinging onto his windpipe as it slid downward and made a bed for the nausea to lay on.

He knows Geoff drinks. He's seen him drunk too many times to count. Even before they started dating, whenever they'd go out to parties or end up at the occasional bar, Geoff would get caught up in all the action and pressured into taking more shots than he planned to and end up completely inebriated. It's not new. It's not different. He's done it so many times before and everything's been fine.

It feels different tonight.

Tonight, there's a blurry fog over him, a permanent fixture of shower steam over his eyes. It's the kind of shower that doesn't feel cleansing. It's traveling in swirls up his back and each one peels back a layer from his chest, one by one until the only thing that's separating the wrecking ball from slamming into his heart are his ribs, shaking in his chest cavity as they try to hold themselves up.

The pain is a paintball that's long splattered. It coats the wall of his skull thickly, dripping down in a constant flow, like droplets collecting on the edges of a water bottle. There's always something there when the bottle is turned upside down, always one more droplet to fall and sink and absorb into his body to sprout a new pain plant.

Tonight makes every other bad night this week seem like heaven.

Tonight he thinks about everything, thinks back to the aching eyes and tearstained cheeks and crack that had formed in his heart, how it got bigger and bigger as more pain funneled in, filled it up until he felt like he was bursting. The ache was so big, it was so much – he didn't think it was possible for one human being, one body to hurt like this. Tonight he thinks about staring straight ahead, about the home he made amongst the tangled sheets and rumpled covers and damp pillowcases, about looking at the wall but not really seeing it. It was like the worst x-ray vision ever, being able to see through and inside and imagine, look through his life through that shower steam filter, like he was floating while everything else zoomed past.

Tonight he thinks about Geoff and how he's finally out of the house, out with his friends, out with people who don't have devastation and disappointment and depression. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington, who laughs obnoxiously at stupid jokes and drinks beer and lets no traces of it's gonna be okay, love. I'm here for you spill from his mouth. Tonight he's Geoff Wigington who doesn't have a useless sack of flesh waiting for him at home, Geoff Wigington who gets to be Geoff Wigington, gets to take a break from Awsten's Caretaker, for a night.

He knows Geoff is tired of it. He has to be. It's gotten particularly bad in the past few months. The experts say at least one depressive episode constitutes major depressive disorder. He's had two in the past month. Weeks straight of not being able to drag himself out of bed, not being able to get his ass up and go on any of the cute dates Geoff had planned, fly to LA to record songs, start working on ideas for the new music video...weeks straight of not being able to do anything except lay there and let the hornets drill into his bones until he was nothing but hollow, let them pierce his skin and settle themselves among the holes they've made. He was defenseless and he was invaded and they've spread like a disease.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery in almost that amount of minutes from how many times he's checked it. It's been three hours and he doesn't know what's going on because Geoff is the type of person that texts him all the time, especially when he's like this. He can't lie back and stare at the wall unless he throws his phone on the floor because it's constantly lighting up with messages, 'I love yours' or cute selfies or teases of a surprise (usually food) Geoff's bringing home that night. Geoff's a great texter.

It's been three hours and Geoff isn't back yet and his phone has lost ten percent battery from how many times he's checked it.

What if he's gone-

"Stop." The word feels like knives cutting up his throat. He hasn't used his voice all day, feels like.

What if he left you-

"S-Shut up."

What if he finally had enough of your shit what if he's gone what if he left you what if he's done for good what if he's gone forever what if you were too much for him what if you were too much for him what if you were too fucking much for him-

"N-No!" He sits up with a start. The breaths are coming fast. Too fast. He can't keep up. They happen in quick succession. He presses the heels of his hands into the mattress and gasps his way through the series of pants.

He's gone he left you he had enough that's why he hasn't called that's why he hasn't texted that's why he isn't back yet he's gone he left you he's had enough you're too much for him too much too much too fucking much you drive everyone away you don't let anyone love you what the fuck is wrong with you why can't you let someone love you why do you have to be such a depressed piece of shit all the time-

He flops back down to the bed and turns his face into the pillows as the tears really start. They soak warmly against the fabric and move, slimy, against his face. He can't stop shaking. The room is spinning around him. It's the worst roller coaster ever and he wants to get off.

He bites his lip and tries to hold a sob back. It balls up at the exit of his mouth, sends out sparks and flames and ignites his entire body. He has no choice but to let it slip.

He wants Geoff. He needs Geoff. He needs the arms around his torso and the chest to bury his head into, the hands rubbing at his back and kisses against his temple. He needs Geoff's fingers buried in his hair, the rubs at his scalp that – on some days – are the only reason he gets to sleep, the scent that wraps around him, tendrils warming up every part of his body on the numb days. He needs Geoff he needs Geoff he needs Geoff-

He knows why. He gets it. He understands. Being with someone like him is like having a burden instead of a boyfriend. He's sad all the time and writes too many depressing lyrics and gets angry a lot and overreacts to everything; he never wants to leave the house and hates being social and gets anxious in the places there is absolutely nothing to be anxious about. Being with him is like dating the largest case file in the world. He's a sack of flesh with too many problems and a head that won't shut up and it annoys even him most days.

He doesn't blame Geoff.

He wouldn't want to be with him either.

...

He curses loudly as he drops his key, scrambles to grab it and press it into the lock once more.

He's never been in a traffic jam that bad. It was bumper to bumper with absolutely no movement – he probably could've gotten out of his car and walked home faster – and it went on for over three exits on the highway. The restaurant his friends chose was a fair drive; it wasn't too far, but it did involve getting onto the highway and driving for a bit. He thought they'd be done before the road started to get clogged, but to their luck, it ended up being the polar opposite.

He finally pushes the door open and steps inside, immediately reaches down to unlace and toe off his shoes. He hangs his jacket on their coatrack and unwraps the scarf from around his neck.

"Awsten? Sweetheart, hey, you still up?"

His heart is throbbing. It's pulsating new waves of pain by the second. The signal was so bad and the drive was so long and it seemed like everything that could go wrong did, a cocktail of consequences that culminated with him not being able to reach Awsten and tell him what was going on.

He hopes he didn't worry too much.

"Aws?" He lowers his voice in case Awsten is sleeping, walks through the apartment and into their shared bedroom. And then he stops.

He can hear it. Tiny whimpers and choked sobs are coming from their bed. The blankets are tangled and tossed together in a way that completely eclipses Awsten from view. All Geoff knows is that he's crying. "Fuck, sunshine, what's wrong?"

The next few moments unfold so fast that he barely registers them.

Awsten practically falls out of bed and runs the short distance to connect them, jumps up – and Geoff thanks whoever is up there at this very moment for his quick reflexes – and into his arms. He buries his face in his shoulder and wraps his legs around his waist with a gasping sob, and then he's crying again.

And Geoff's own heart feels like Awsten just took a hammer and smashed it to smithereens. He rubs Awsten's back and holds him tightly. "Easy, easy love. You're okay. Try to breathe. Whatever's wrong, we can fix it, I promise."

He lets Awsten down a couple seconds later, but takes him into his arms as soon as his feet touch the ground. Awsten wraps his arms around his neck and he moves his to Awsten's waist, bringing him as close as physically possible without completely crushing him. "I'm here, I'm right here, angel. What happened? Talk to me. What's got you this upset?"

Awsten doesn't answer. He moves one hand up to his back, just below the blades of his shoulders, and starts to rub. Awsten's hair is tickling his nose and poking at the corners of his mouth and he puckers his lips, pressing a kiss to the soft strands. "I can't help you if I don't know, love. What happened?"

"I-I-" Awsten hiccups and lifts his face to meet his eyes. "I thought you left."

"Left?" If this is going where he thinks it is...

"Me," Awsten spits out. "You said two hours and then it was three and you wouldn't answer and you didn't text me like you always do and I just- thought you didn't want me anymore." He pauses. His voice is choked. "That you'd finally given up on me?" He phrases it as a question and goes silent afterward, stares up at Geoff with his bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks and quivering lip.

"Awsten..." He trails off with a shake of his head. He knew. He knew this would happen. He knows Awsten's anxiety too well for him to not have seen this. He knew Awsten would worry, he knew that his mind doesn't do well with worry and skyrockets things with completely plausible explanations to mythological heights. He pulls his hand from Awsten's back and moves both to cup his cheeks, to keep Awsten looking him in the eye. "Sunshine, I would never. I love you, okay? I love you with everything in my heart. You're the love of my life. I would never leave you. I never want to." He takes a breath and rubs his fingers along Awsten's jawbones. "I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me, I promise."

"I just- you didn't- you usually, I-" Awsten stammers. "I'm sorry."

"We finished in two hours," he explains. "And then I hit so much traffic on the way back, angel, I promise I would've texted you if I could. But my phone didn't have signal because it was a dead zone and it was bumper to bumper for three exits straight. It was a mess. I promise you, swear on my life, I would've texted you if I could."

He knows what Awsten needs. He's been doing this long enough to memorize it. No amount of reassurance is enough for someone with depression. The disorder is like a monster perched on your shoulder, digging its claws into skin and pressing its words into brain, he doesn't love you he wants to leave you he already left you you don't deserve him. He knows that no matter how many times he says some things, Awsten may never believe him. He's okay with that. He'll keep saying it until it happens.

He feels the arms around his front again. Awsten presses his cheek against his chest with a whimper of finality. "I'm sorry...I just- I didn't hear from you and I assumed- fuck I'm so stupid, I'm sorry."

"Hey." He pushes Awsten back to hold him at arm's length. "Nothing about you is stupid, okay? This was just a shitty miscommunication. I love you, with all my heart. That's never going to change. I'm never going to leave you. I want you, for the rest of my life. Don't forget that."

"I just- sometimes it feels like too much," Awsten says. "Like I'm too much. And I don't want you to feel like you have to. Take care of me, yknow? 'Cause you don't. And if it ever does get to be too much...you can leave. Don't feel like you havta stay 'cause I won't be okay if you leave. I mean, I won't, but...don't let that keep you here-"

"Sunshine, stop, don't say that." He cuts Awsten off and tangles a hand through his hair. "You are not too much, okay? That's such a bullshit concept. You will never be too much. You have depression and some days are worse than others and sometimes they're all in a row, but that's part of it, love. You know that and I know that. You can't control this. You didn't ask for it. It sucks and I hate seeing you in pain, but if you think I'm going to leave you over it..."

"I just- don't you want someone easy? Someone that doesn't take this much work?" All that's left of his heart is dust. He hates hearing Awsten talk about himself like this; like he's a problem over a person. He hates knowing that this beautiful, radiant, big-hearted angel thinks so little of himself, because Awsten is just that. Beautiful. Radiant. Possessing a heart that barely fits in his body.

"I want you," he murmurs. He tilts Awsten's chin and presses their lips together. "Okay? You are all I want, for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been surer about anything."

[icecreamkink]

*slides this here bc im still Not Happy With It but i also dont know if i even wanna continue it but i need to put it somewhere also @fangirl383 might or might not shoot me with her pink gun if i dont post Another wip she liked and i promised i would ha  h a*

“Listen, I know this isn’t an ideal situation—” Malfoy snorted in contempt. Harry ignored him. “But we’re doing a job and if you could not act like someone’s roping you into.. Into-  What the fuck are you doing n- ow” Harry groaned as Malfoy’s elbow somehow collided with Harry’s mouth despite the fact half of his body was half on top of Harry, and, rationally, it had to be an accident. But if there was someone who would contort themselves to make Harry’s life the most difficult possible, it would be Malfoy.

“Shut up, Potter.” The git said, not even bothering to apologize.

“Will you stop moving-”

“I’m trying to get a clear view.”

“Do you need to climb on me to do that?!”

“Well actually, I do since your intelligence landed us in a literal hole,” Malfoy hissed in his ear. Harry opened his mouth to protest that, but well. It was true, his team had been the one to inspect the terrain and find them their hiding spot - a cave so narrow that was indeed more of a hole, nestled at the bottom of a cliff, large enough to fit 1.25 person lying stomach down. Or two aurors, lying practically on top of each other, as it were. The location was ideal because it had a side view of the site they believed to be the smuggling ring HQ, but far enough that the protean spells didn’t reach it, and was naturally conspicuous through dense trees and small rocks (and for being as tiny as a rabbit hole, Malfoy had grumbled moodily) so they didn’t need to use so much magic to disguise themselves. A natural hiding spot, nearly undetectable, but not particularly comfortable, Harry had to admit.

Also it was just… weird to argue with someone when they were hissing against your neck. Harry scratched his nails where Malfoy’s warm breath had tickled it.

“What do you have those dorky glasses for if you need to strain so much.” Harry muttered pettily against his wand, currently pressed between his face, his sweaty hand and a piece of rocky earth. Ugh, it was so hot in here, the air thick and still, made all the worst by the invisibility mantle they had thrown over themselves; all the places he and Malfoy touched felt as if on fire, he had dirt everywhere and Malfoy’s huffed breathing on his ear did absolutely nothing to cool him down, only gave him weird goosebumps in his spine. Harry squirmed miserably, and got a very pointed elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

“My glasses aren’t dorky” Malfoy hissed in supercilious indignation. If Harry didn’t have to risk torticollis to do so, he would have turned his head to watch his eyes flash in all his mad inventor righteous fury.  “They are high level magical object research in trial period, designed to help oafs like you not get killed in the line of work. My glasses, dorky, honestly, you of all people saying that with those things you wear around since school-”  

“What are you talking about, I’ve been told my glasses are quite fetching. Witch Weekly did a whole article on it.” Harry grinned as Malfoy ground his teeth. He’d take all the amusement he could get, after all, and riling up Malfoy was always so much fun.

“Oh, if the pinacle of journalism in our country, Witch Weekly printed it” Malfoy said snidely. Then, as if physically unable to stop there, he continued. “For your information, these glasses are curse repellent, heat vision, magical signature identifying ones. It won me a research funding from the Research and Extension Division-”

“Yeah alright Doc Brown, what do you see then?” Harry interrupted, stretching his back in an attempt to soothe his aching shoulders.

“Nothing uh, much. Will you keep still?” Malfoy murmured, voice strained.

“I barely even mov-” Harry started to protest in indignation, but was cut off by Malfoy’s sweaty hand suddenly pressing against his mouth.

“Shhhh, someone’s coming.” Harry immediately tensed—well, as much as he could in this current predicament, as he could barely grip his wand. Thank Merlin he’d gotten better at wandless magic.

He could hear a faint rustling sound; Malfoy moved his hand into the curve of his neck and it felt oddly comforting. Harry could feel all of Malfoy’s muscles tensing where they pressed together.

Malfoy fiddled with his wand, and Harry faintly prayed he wouldn’t accidentally stab him in the eye with it, because that was just the type of thing to happen to him.

Somebody jumped on the plateau they were directly under, boots scuffing the ground above them.

“That’s it?” A voice echoed. Harry could see Malfoy pointing his wand at another one of his “assistance magical artifacts ” or as Harry called them, his crazy inventor gadgets. It was a little box, similar to a radio, and it buzzed softly at Draco’s murmured incantation, releasing the faintest golden glow.  

“Mmhm, just leave the merch on the front hall.” The person above them said. “Talk to Bre and only Bre, then get the fuck out. There’s a new shipment coming, and everyone’s on edge, don’t hang around more than you have to.” A new shipment. This could be their shot. Harry willed whoever was above them to casually drop a date. Possibly a location. And a list of names. His knees hurt.

“Right, no worries Reg. I’ll be in and out in a peep” A pair of gangly legs dangled in front of them, stumbled over a rock, and then took off briskly towards the house in the woods.

Malfoy shimmied above him, trying to get a closer look. He brought the little box close to his mouth.

“Suspect: Male, red hair, medium stature, grey robes, carrying a medium sized black box.” Malfoy said into it. A recording device, then. Clever.  “Entered the house at -” he paused expectantly, and Harry cast a quick tempus “12:47, sunday the 24th. The box doesn’t appear to be the size or type for containing snakes, so it’s possible it’s another type of ‘merchandise’.” Malfoy put the recording contraption back in his pocket, balancing himself with one hand at the small of Harry’s back.

Harry scowled, unamused at being used as a cushion.

“Next time, I’m topping.” He grumbled.

“What?”  Malfoy choked out, hand slipping down Harry’s back into his side, knuckles thudding against the bedrock.

“In the- the stakeout” Harry hissed, embarrassed. “I’m not your damn pillow.” He grumbled. Malfoy started to shake above him, his whole body vibrating, and with growing chagrin Harry realized he was laughing. He dropped his head into Harry’s shoulder, trying to stifle his giggles.

“Don’t worry Potter, I’ll be your pillow if you want. I’m very comfortable switching between top and bottom after all." He quipped, amusement laced in every word. Harry could feel his blush spreading like fire from his neck to the tip of his ears, and he dropped his head between his arms with a disconcerted groan.

“Oh my god, shut up.” He mumbled, and Malfoy laughed even harder, gleeful and evil, shaking Harry’s whole body. “Is there movement above us?” He said loudly, mostly to stray from the topic at hand.

“Hm.” Malfoy projected a small map of the terrain from the tip of his wand. “Nope. Reggie dear is...currently at the bottom of the hill, down the other side. You know, I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Auror Potter. You’re practically just lying there, I’m doing all the work here.” He drawled, injecting unnecessary lewdness to his voice, still faintly amused as it was. Harry could swear he seemed to be purposefully pressing even closer, his words just short of murmured against his ear.

The git.

“Lying here- How can I- You’re on top of,” Harry started, and felt Malfoy giggle again, then huffed and promptly shut up. “You’re fired.”

“You’re not my bo-oss” Malfoy sing songed, but moved out of his position anyway, sliding away from Harry and turning on his side.

Harry felt disinclined to face him while his cheeks were still flaming.

“Oh come on Potter, where’s your sense of humor?”

“You didnt seem to be in such a jaunty mood a minute ago.”

“Yes, your mortification greatly lifts my spirits.” A beat. “I’m versatile like that.”

Harry sighed, lifting his head. “I hate you so much.”

“That’s kind of why we’re here, isn’t it?” Malfoy hummed, cheek smushed against the palm of his hand. Harry made a noncommittal sound. They were here in a partly punishment mission to quote unquote ‘learn how to act like the twenty-three year old Auror you are, not a snotty fourteen year old whenever Auror Malfoy is concerned’, after his (and Malfoy’s) respective partners filed complaints against their methods and their fighting and their case-point competition. So while it was true their behavior got them here, saddled together in this weird, uncomfortable stake out, Harry wouldn’t say hate was what brought them; he didn’t argue with Malfoy or looked over his cases or felt the need to prove himself and best him out of hate, it was more of a... compulsion. It was just more -  fun, in the often glum and dreary line of work they’d chosen, to have Malfoy pay attention to him, meet him at every curve and breathe down his neck. To watch him rising to his baits when he poked fun at Malfoy’s clothes and hair and (admittedly ingenous) inventions. He admitted to himself that he liked the rivalry, was motivated by it.

But, of course, Harry wouldn’t tell him any of that. And it’s not like he enjoyed Malfoy literally breathing down his neck, so Harry pulled out his wand and checked the map himself instead of answering.

“There's… something moving through the field” Harry said, looking the small dot moving in a hurry. It was too small and moved strangely for a human. Could it be...

Malfoy rolled on top of him again, straining once more to try and see the scope of land.

Harry waited, tense as Malfoy tried to get a clear view.

“Oh.” Malfoy said, muscles unlocking from his coiled stance. “It’s your reptile.”

Harry lifted his head suddenly eager in an attempt to see, banging it painfully against Malfoy’s chin in the process.

“Fuck,” Malfoy hissed, quickly rolling as far away from him as was possible, which in case meant they still touched thigh to shoulder even with Malfoy on his side with his back pressed against the stone. He sent Harry a dark look, clutching his chin; Harry patted his head as condescendingly as he could, turning back to the map, eyes glued to little wiggling dot heading for them.

“Missster Harry, Missster Malfoy” Arnaud hissed in greeting, poking his scaly face into their cave, then quickly sliding into the middle of them both. Arnaud turned his head to Malfoy, flicking his tongue in further acknowledgement since he couldn’t understand him.

“Hey” Harry greeted with a smile even as he inspected him for any sign of injuries. “Is everything alright?”

Arnaud turned to him.

“Yesss, it’s all been really quiet. They’ve mosstly kept us in the cages ssso far, and I snuck out without them ssseeing me. They’ve received five more younglings today, along with eggsss, and theress a boy bringing something else. Sssomething I couldn’t sssee.”

“Did you hear something about another shipment coming tonight?”

“Yess” Arnaud said, lifting his head. “I hear the humans talking. Tonight, at midnight.”

 “The smugglers have been quiet, but more snakes and eggs were brought in today, and something else he couldn’t see. He confirms there’ll be a new shipment at midnight.” Harry translated.

“We have to report it back to the team. See if it’s the time for an ambush or to collect more data” Malfoy said. Arnaud nodded in approval.

“I should get back before they miss me.” Harry nodded, even as his stomach tightened.

“Tell him to be careful.” Malfoy said, looking out with furrowed eyebrows. Arnaud flicked both of their fingers and slithered quickly out with a hissed ‘don’t worry’.

“That’s our out then.” Harry sighed turning sideways too. Malfoy was staring at him, pressed as far back as he could against the rock wall; there was maybe an inch between them.

“You’ll write the report.” Malfoy said, trying to sit up slightly.

“What? Why?” Harry spluttered.

“You headbutted me.” Harry narrowed his eyes.

“You elbowed me in the face!” He shot back. Malfoy stared him down. Harry held his gaze. His eyes looked very dark in the shade.

“Rock parchment wand?”

“...Fine”

.

Malfoy was leaning against the wall of Kingsley’s office. The dark red wood set his hair off rather nicely, Harry noticed. With Arnaud perched on his shoulder like that, he could be a slytherin poster boy.

Robards was still complaining in the back, something about Harry and Malfoy competing for leads and ethics and immaturity or something. Harry wasn’t paying attention. His and Malfoy’s… methods were always questioned, but here they were, another case closed, weren’t they? That’s what should matter.

Behind Robard’s back Malfoy caught Harry’s eye, smirking minutely and winked. Harry bit the inside of his cheek. Prick.

Robards face acquired new shades of red, but Harry wasn’t listening at all. Malfoy outright grinned, bringing one hand to stroke the scales on Arnaud’s head and his stomach felt….weird. Somehow almost...fluttery?

Oh.

Oh.

Well, that was inconvenient.

[fireinclined-archive]

PYRRAH

the royal family of pyrrah

VICTORIA, THE KING OF PYRRAH, who ascended the throne at such a young age and after her terrible father was assassinated - he’d been unable to cope with capella’s closing and became making bad and cruel decisions. she managed to undo most of his work but is still faced with suspicion and criticism at every turn.

MITSY, THE PRINCESS OF PYRRAH, who appears sweet and silly but is actually pyrrah’s spymaster. she’s foiled more than one plot to overthrow her sister. is actually sweet and silly, but is aware of how it’s perceived and uses it to let people underestimate her so she can get close to them and get them to reveal things they normally wouldn’t.

FREDERICK, THE PYRRITE AUGUR, and the king’s lover. his clairvoyance works by seeing through his lover’s eyes, and therefore is the best equipped to protect her. ends up becoming a father figure to cassandra- a healthy one, that she really fucking needed after theon.

and KEANDRA, THE ADOPTED PRINCE, who is one of pyrrah’s brightest scholars. starting to work through all his guilt about his role in the destruction of capella, and has studied his inclination at length. when he finally is able to use his inclination- when he finally finds something to believe in, all that studying pays off- it takes only a few weeks to acclimated to the feeling of actually performing the techniques he’d been studying for seven years.

top five awful things the previous king of pyrrah did

literally had no idea how to handle capella closing off. he’s like that bad ex who’s constantly trying to get you back and is super clingy. kept sending diplomat after diplomat to capella, the ships were turned away at the space station checkpoints, and then blamed whoever was on the mission

bc of #1, had NO CLUE how to rebuild pyrrah’s economy with the loss of their biggest trading partner. pyrrah is known for it’s mining and manufacture of spaceship parts and stuff, and capella, who is literally ALL ABOUT space exploration and is the best at designing and building ships, traded with them frequently.

tbh he’s probably the one who made the economy so reliant on capella?? his rule was about 800 years long (pyrrites live a really fucking long time) and so he focused so heavily on trade with capella bc he’d thought it’d go on forever despite his aids telling “uh sir this is a fucking terrible idea”

started a war. idk where or with whom (not any planets/species i have currently developed, this is something i gotta develop more) but he started a war, hoping to conquer another planet for it’s resource

paid absolutely NO attention to public works projects and maintiaing his planet?? like…they lived underground in huge networks of caverns bc the atmosphere is toxic and *bill wurtz voice* THE SUN IS DEADLY LASER. but one huge section of cavern collapsed bc THIS ASSHOLE was starting wars and being depressed bc capella wasn’t talking to him anymore and not taking care of his fucking people

bonus: was a dick to his daughters?? placed FAR to much pressure on the crown princess and she honest to god ended up hating him. constantly berated his youngest daughter for never taking things seriously, and while she’s turned her silly and sweet demeanor into a weapon, it’s still something she’s self conscious about

the main conflict on pyrrah

the main conflict on pyrrah is about people wanting to overthrow the monarchy, and cassandra having to figure out what she’s going to do. remember, revolutions and a complete overhaul of the government was the norm on capella. every few hundred years a revolution was practically expected. and not to mention the fact that cassandra’s mother was a revolutionary.

but that’s not how things work on pyrrah- the monarchy had been in place for THOUSANDS of years, and yeah, of course there was shitty rulers- victoria and mitsy’s father among them- but…the great or even mediocre rulers outnumber the shitty ones.

this whole situation challenges a lot of cassandra’s ideal and beliefs about the government. she drags her feet in helping the royal family at first- something that strains her friendship with keandra for a while- since…she’s been brought up to believe that change & revolution is good! cassandra learns a lot from this experience, and her view of the world isn’t so black and white afterwards.

cassandra’s signature outfit 

cassandra got her signature blue vest & a tie combo from her time on pyrrah. she was attending a ball there and since the pyrrite augur was wearing a suit, they all thought it’d be a nice symmetry for cassandra to wear one as well. she got complimented all night, and tbh? it was the first time she FELT beautiful since receiving her scar five years earlier

council of augurs

victoria came to dulcie’s funeral, since she and cassandra (and especially keandra) are very close, and cassandra tells her and frederick that thea KNEW that capella was going to be destroyed and said nothing. victoria is appalled and decrees that no future pyrrite augurs will be sent to thea to train. instead, she and frederick start to round up all the augurs they can find to form a council- which is what was in place before atlas fell and killed them all except for thea. 

cassandra is a member of this council, but she’s not active really. frederick really the only other augur she’s close to.

[fireinclined]

pyrrah

the royal family of pyrrah

VICTORIA, THE KING OF PYRRAH, who ascended the throne at such a young age and after her terrible father was assassinated - he’d been unable to cope with capella’s closing and became making bad and cruel decisions. she managed to undo most of his work but is still faced with suspicion and criticism at every turn.

MITSY, THE PRINCESS OF PYRRAH, who appears sweet and silly but is actually pyrrah’s spymaster. she’s foiled more than one plot to overthrow her sister. is actually sweet and silly, but is aware of how it’s perceived and uses it to let people underestimate her so she can get close to them and get them to reveal things they normally wouldn’t. 

FREDERICK, THE PYRRITE AUGUR, and the king’s lover. his clairvoyance works by seeing through his lover’s eyes, and therefore is the best equipped to protect her. ends up becoming a father figure to cassandra- a healthy one, that she really fucking needed after theon.

and KEANDRA, THE ADOPTED PRINCE, who is one of pyrrah’s brightest scholars. starting to work through all his guilt about his role in the destruction of capella, and has studied his inclination at length. when he finally is able to use his inclination- when he finally finds something to believe in, all that studying pays off- it takes only a few weeks to acclimated to the feeling of actually performing the techniques he’d been studying for seven years.

top five awful things the previous king of pyrrah did

literally had no idea how to handle capella closing off. he’s like that bad ex who’s constantly trying to get you back and is super clingy. kept sending diplomat after diplomat to capella, the ships were turned away at the space station checkpoints, and then blamed whoever was on the mission

bc of #1, had NO CLUE how to rebuild pyrrah’s economy with the loss of their biggest trading partner. pyrrah is known for it’s mining and manufacture of spaceship parts and stuff, and capella, who is literally ALL ABOUT space exploration and is the best at designing and building ships, traded with them frequently. 

tbh he’s probably the one who made the economy so reliant on capella?? his rule was about 800 years long (pyrrites live a really fucking long time) and so he focused so heavily on trade with capella bc he’d thought it’d go on forever despite his aids telling “uh sir this is a fucking terrible idea”

started a war. idk where or with whom (not any planets/species i have currently developed, this is something i gotta develop more) but he started a war, hoping to conquer another planet for it’s resource

paid absolutely NO attention to public works projects and maintiaing his planet?? like…they lived underground in huge networks of caverns bc the atmosphere is toxic and *bill wurtz voice* THE SUN IS DEADLY LASER. but one huge section of cavern collapsed bc THIS ASSHOLE was starting wars and being depressed bc capella wasn’t talking to him anymore and not taking care of his fucking people

bonus: was a dick to his daughters?? placed FAR to much pressure on the crown princess and she honest to god ended up hating him. constantly berated his youngest daughter for never taking things seriously, and while she’s turned her silly and sweet demeanor into a weapon, it’s still something she’s self conscious about

the main conflict on pyrrah

the main conflict on pyrrah is about people wanting to overthrow the monarchy, and cassandra having to figure out what she’s going to do. remember, revolutions and a complete overhaul of the government was the norm on capella. every few hundred years a revolution was practically expected. and not to mention the fact that cassandra’s mother was a revolutionary. but that’s not how things work on pyrrah- the monarchy had been in place for THOUSANDS of years, and yeah, of course there was shitty rulers- victoria and mitsy’s father among them- but…the great or even mediocre rulers outnumber the shitty ones.

this whole situation challenges a lot of cassandra’s ideal and beliefs about the government. she drags her feet in helping the royal family at first- something that strains her friendship with keandra for a while- since…she’s been brought up to believe that change & revolution is good! cassandra learns a lot from this experience, and her view of the world isn’t so black and white afterwards.

cassandra’s signature outfit 

cassandra got her signature blue vest & a tie combo from her time on pyrrah. she was attending a ball there and since the pyrrite augur was wearing a suit, they all thought it’d be a nice symmetry for cassandra to wear one as well. she got complimented all night, and tbh? it was the first time she FELT beautiful since receiving her scar five years earlier 

council of augurs

victoria came to dulcie’s funeral, since she and cassandra (and especially keandra) are very close, and cassandra tells her and frederick that thea KNEW that capella was going to be destroyed and said nothing. victoria is appalled and decrees that no future pyrrite augurs will be sent to thea to train. instead, she and frederick start to round up all the augurs they can find to form a council- which is what was in place before atlas fell and killed them all except for thea. cassandra is a member of this council, but she’s not active really. frederick’s really the only other augur she’s close to.

cassandra’s flings

cassandra’s had a few flings with pyrrites, but no romantic relationships. pyrrites and other beings with extremely long lifespans typically don’t get involved in deep, meaningful relationships with capellans and other beings with comparatively short lifespans, mostly for that fear of loss.

so like, a short, purely sexual relationship? totally cool. romantic relationship? nooooooo

so even if cassandra did have romantic feelings for them, they’d be unrequited or the other would be unwilling to act on or reveal their feelings.

kriemhild

i’ve decided to name them kriemhild and bertram. cassandra was in love with both of them, but only bertram returned her feelings. he never let on that he loved her though, because of the unspoken ‘rule’ that pyrrites don’t get into romantic relationships with beings with much shorter lifespans. for now we’re gonna focus on kriemhild though.

i’ve mentioned before that cassandra’s signature outfit of a tie and blue vest is really just a slightly more informal version of an outfit she wore to a ball on pyrrah, and that wearing that outfit made her feel pretty for the first time since receiving her scar. well, it was at this ball she met kriemhild. they talked for hours, and they flirted with each other all night (though cassandra was really a flustered mess through it, seeing as how this was her first time being flirted with). as everyone was leaving, kriemhild kissed her, and that was it for cassandra really.

a lot of her attraction to kriemhild really just boils down to the fact that cassandra was desperate to be loved and desired. while yes, she had her biggest support and dearest friend back in her life, she still wanted…well, she wanted proof that she was still (romantically) lovable. that after everything that happened on ioavis, and after what she’d done on capella, she wasn’t…broken in some way.

kriemhild made it explicitly clear that she was only attracted cassandra sexually and not romantically- she wasn’t leading cassandra on, thinking things would become romantic. cassandra understood this and agreed to the relationship anyway- again…she wanted to be desired too.

pyrrah and healing

cassandra’s time on pyrrah was so, so good for her.

the royal family was the support system she needed but did not receive on ioavis, and they all let her grieve. even when things were chaotic and messy and they were fighting off ppl seeking to overthrow victoria, they all let her vent and express her emotions instead of doing what theon and forte did, which was basically saying “you can grieve later, there’s more pressing matters now”

cassandra was finally around one of the only people who could understand the guilt and despair she felt- it should be noted that the royal family does not know about what keandra and cassandra had done. having keandra back in her life- talking to him, grieving with him, sharing her doubts and guilt and knowing they could crawl into each other’s beds when the weight of their lost world began to crush their chests...it was so, so good for the both of them.

and then kriemhild and bertram. while the unrequited love she felt did mess with her, and give her doubts about whether anyone would be able to truly love her romantically, with them she felt beautiful and desirable. and it’s not like they were cold and callous towards her- the three of them were good friends, and like i’d mentioned, bertram did secretly return her feelings. if she’d stayed on pyrrah...eventually he would have confessed.

[alenkamali]

How come you’re never in Slovenia?

I usually come to Slovenia every year, this year I haven’t yet, but I’ll make my way down soon. (very soon, whoever’s in Europe let’s catch up!) Currently, life in Europe isn’t a big part of mine… apart from friends and family that live there. The beautiful land of the small country is surrounded by such amazing landscapes, mountains, lakes, and waterfalls… but I found a similar paradise on the other side of the world. I think that is why I love BC so much… because it reminds me of Slovenia.

    What is the best place in the world?

The one that I’m in right now.

I don’t travel to places, only to dream about that best one that I could be in. I love how flexible my life can be sometimes, that allows me to explore some pretty cool places. But it’s funny how I never think about someplace holding the title of the best. I like to appreciate the town that I’m currently in, without thinking about a better spot to be at that moment. I hope that makes sense.

    What camera do you shoot with?

I use Canon 5D mark ii. Best investment I ever did. The best lens that I love to pair it with, is my 50 mm f1.4.

  Do you use your drone a lot?

Yes, I take my drone, everywhere I go, here’s a shot, from one of my favorite Uluwatu beaches:

  The cheapest way of traveling?

Well, depends how far you want to get. I’ve hitchhiked all around Canada, states, and Europe. I have no problems with packing all my shit in a backpack and sticking my thumb out in the middle of the highway. I’ve literally done that one day when I was supposed to go up to Whistler to ski, my friends ditched so I booked a flight to Santa Cruz to surf for a week and hitchhiked to the airport. (You gotta do what you gotta do, no?) I have met many amazing people through hitchhiking, who are still, till this day, some of my best friends!

      If you live in BC and the cost of gas might be getting in your way of going to more places… you should definitely check out this awesome rideshare site, Poparide. I have taken lots of people with me while going places – especially for the long drives! Saves money for gas and provides great company! Personally, I really like it.

Then, there are plenty of cheap accommodation options on sites like Booking.com and Airbnb.com – look for homestays which save money and give you a chance to meet some locals!

If you want to know more about how I get around, check out my TRAVEL page.

    What do you do, for work?

– photography (adventure(outdoors), commercial, lifestyle, sports, Instagram content, and brand promotion – read below)

– website design (pretty self-explanatory I would say, if you know someone who’s in need of a website, don’t be afraid to shoot me an email! got some specials coming for the holidays

– affiliate marketing links and collaborations with different brands

– online work for this awesome travel company (psst…we’re launching soon)

– selling prints!

– social media consulting  for new, upcoming brands

My weekly workload changes throughout the months, but that pretty much sums it up. I like to keep it busy, but not overwhelmed.

    Do you also work, as you travel?

Yes – I do. I actually managed to create a sweet routine of being able to work from my laptop, pretty much. I usually book my photo shoots, before I travel to a certain place and work from there. Most of the time, working from a laptop, I edit pictures, build websites for others, manage projects back home or I hold private health consulting sessions over Skype and manage my SEEKING THRIVE business. I have studied the Holistic Approach of Integrative Nutrition which is allowing me to travel the world while spreading information about wealth in our health. We have a few spots left in our Portugal retreat if you’re interested check out the EVENT.

    Collaborating with brands

Through my Instagram, I collaborate with a lot of different brands as their influencer. In my opinion, the term “collab” applies to more than just creatives and companies, it also refers to the collaboration between consumer and creator to support one another in their artful pursuits. This year, I made the commitment to only support brands that align with my beliefs. I ONLY promote brands whose products I’ve tried and who’s working conditions, sustainability plan and green planet lifestyle co-ops with mine! Usually, the companies that I work with produce surfing or snowboarding clothing lines, homemade products, natural skincare etc…

If I have the power of influencing my followers, blog readers, kids of my friends and my family, then I want to do it, because I’m doing something good. Not to increase the already big percentage of consumption on this planet. Every time we shop, we give our money to businesses who make decisions in favor of the environment, we shift the direction of our future. As ocean dwellers and seaside occupants, we can no longer afford to stand by and watch our sacred playgrounds be destroyed. We are simply out of time. Being a conscious consumer means we hold the power to support the development of new values in a fast-changing social climate. Fashion is dictated by trends, and we decide the trends. It is our responsibility to make sustainability a permanent trend that drives those industry standards forward.

  ***I DO NOT support brands who run a business of only making money, underpaying or abusing their workers, getting out a wrong message to young girls or test their products on animals.***

  I love to support:

local or family-owned businesses with locally produced products

brands who put their effort into eliminating single-use plastics

fair trade

small production/handmade/organic/sustainably produced clothing

brands that GIVE AWAY (Patagonia)

companies that are making a point of reducing their footprint

authentic and artful contribution

products made with an intention

  Here some of the brands I’ve collaborated with:

Organic Cup, Suntribe Sunscreen, Manda, Entreaguas Swimwear,

  These are some of the examples of products I love to spread the word about. Those companies work hard to support the environment and the health of our bodies. As a surfer, zinc cream and sunscreen are the most important things I always pack with me, that’s why it matters a lot, how it impacts my skin and the water that I surf in. Using the organic ingredients of their choice, like cacao butter and olive oil come with many nutrient minerals and vitamins! These ingredients also don’t harm the coral reef for example, like other sunscreens. I have also been using the Organic Cup as a supplement from pads and tampons. That has saved me so much money (which can go towards another plane ticket) and waste! I love it.

** If you are a brand that wishes to collaborate with me, in exchange of an Instagram post or a blog post, please fill out the form below or contact me directly **

  Are you vegan?

No. I don’t like labels to begin with, but I eat a wholesome 90% plant-based diet and I believe in diversity. Balance is important in my life, especially when it comes to food. I eat a big variety of foods and cooking is one of my favorite activities. Transferring into a mainly plant-based diet has been easier than I imagined and dramatically improved how I felt and looked. I share the recipes daily of my cook-ups on Seeking Thrive Instagram.

  What does your morning routine look like?

I love this. Absolutely love my mornings. Developing a calm, taking-it-slow routine in the last year has helped me staying motivated in waking up early. My day usually begins around 6 in the morning, as the sun rises up (or doesn’t – if its winter time and I’m in Whistler). I keep it simple. No distractions, no phone or music or sounds or the internet. The worse habit that I’m happy that I got rid off, is checking my social media first thing, after waking up. No, I left that in 2018.

Even though I had developed a routine, I don’t necessarily stick to it very strictly. Sometimes I would meditate before journaling and other times I will do a 30-minute yoga stretch and then meditate. The idea was built around 3 or 4 mindful practices that include yoga, meditation, morning journaling and listing things I’m grateful for. Followed by the cup of green tea (or boiled ginger water with lemon) with a walk outside. No matter where I am at the moment, I love the quiet mornings. Still no distractions.

After breakfast (avo toast, granola or smoothie bowl, freshly squeezed orange juice or chia pudding) I work! So that means finally turning on my mobile devices, checking email and planning my day! Which is also the end to my zen morning! If it’s the weekend (which doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the Western week that we know, simply a day that I choose not to work), that usually puts me in the mood to read a book. I don’t think many people know, that I am a huge book warm. I read books in Slovenian, English or recently Spanish. I’m also a firm believer that books help to enhance my mood, and calm me down at the same time. Expanding my vocabulary, the creative flow and giving my brain a nice workout is important too. Is basically food for the soul! Authors and books that inspire me are usually the ones describing a surfers lifestyle, (Barbarian Days is an amazing one) or the ones with a strong female lead. They remind me of my mom.

  What’s your favorite workout?

I am not a gym person and the youtube workouts are also something long gone. Now, all the workout that I do for my body is the sports that I live for. Whether is surfing, climbing, snowboarding, hiking or even yoga. I make sure something interesting happens every day. Which isn’t hard, since my whole life is basically planned on the Search for the waves to surf, rocks to climb or the hunt for the best powder.

  Where are you based out of?

I’m based out of Canada. Most of my year, I live in this small coastal town Squamish, which is a playground for big kids. Lovers of mountain biking, backcountry skiing, kitesurfing, and hiking come from all over the world, to enjoy the beauty of our place! Surrounded by mountains, close to the ocean – my friends and I fell in love with this piece of paradise that we now proudly call home.

  Do you make videos too?

For sure. I took a break from video making that I loved so much, in earlier stages of my “media career”. But I am ready now, to start creating more. I think it was good of how I grew a little more, gave my creative self some space, and now I’m back on track with ideas for more stories I’d love to produce. In terms of filmmaking, 2019 will be a very exciting year.

MOTION REEL is the name of my portfolio. I think it holds a washed out, rustic touch from the ’90s which I’m a fan on. It makes me think of film camera, typewriter script and coffee spilled storyboarding. The pieces that bring me the most joy, were usually shot with some hippie athletes, in the mountains or beach bums in Bali. I had an amazing opportunity of shooting with Ozzy Wright in Uluwatu and some pretty impressive skiers in Whistler. Similar as with photography, my love for filmmaking keeps growing every day.

  Where did you learn photography and editing?

Mostly while practicing. Being on terrain and working with other professionals and experts. Having a circle of friends that are into the same things, really helped me improve them. And not just with photography! I watched a lot of Youtube and Skillshare videos and tutorials. I even made one on my own, about tropical photography!

  Where are you from?

I was born in Slovenia. That is where it all began. My father is Slovenian, and so is my mom. But she was born and raised in Argentina, where my brothers and I spend a lot of our childhood. Bariloche is a beautiful place, located in Patagonia and I’m very proud to call it my home, even though I wasn’t born there.

  Words that you live by?

“Embrace the highs and learn from the lows; stability is important, but it is not our purpose.”

  What are your top skin care products?

I have actually been eliminating any kind of product from my morning and evening routine. In general, using close to zero of the cosmetic chemical stuff, full of promises. I’ve been completely in love with just massaging myself with organic coconut oil before and after a shower, either when I’d wake up or before going to sleep. For my face, I only use Zinc made sunscreen, for surfing (I use Suntribe Sunscreen – they’re the best small family-run business, based out of Europe) and for washing my face – I make a mix of pure coconut and argan oil. Voila! If my skin isn’t having a great week, I would usually apply some tea tree oil.

I am nowhere near having perfect skin, but I’m learning how to accept it and love it every day.

        Do you have more questions, about how I travel, where I live and what I do for work? Would you like to collaborate with me? Fill out the form below and I’ll get back to you, within the following 24 hours.

    [ninja_forms id=1]

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Answers to very personal questions like where I live, what I do for work and how I'm able to travel around. How come you're never in Slovenia? I usually come to Slovenia every year, this year I haven't yet, but I'll make my way down soon.