#cause idk if i want/should do sth more w it or not

[horrorwebs]

fucking hell fucking hell is she gonna reject me? i want to let sth out for a second and didnt want to tell my psychologist until i have answers so. tags it is

[hauntedpearl]

pyromaniac dean au always on my damn mind bc i saw this post by @autisticandroids and my brain went hmmm what if Lisa and Ben were in the pyromaniac au. and like yes okay technically i thought we were doing like a s1 thing but also this is an au so who cares no rules.

anyway. what if in between John dying and Jess murder there was like this small period of time when dean did kind of stop setting people and things on fire, but like it didn't stick and also Lisa and Ben were involved probably possibly. like v close to canon parallel. i am still thinking about why he would stop the arson, even temporarily. but I think he should. I think cas should also have started stalking him at this point!!! this is p much fully reassembling the fic events but also MMM IT'S GETTING MORE FUN I THINK!

thinking out loud again. and like with Ben it was a) dean going insane about protecting ben from hunting to the point that he is john-like with him for the opposite reasons — normal parental overcorrection in people I think tbh w you. and b) he did inadvertently cause whatever harm befell those two and then he had to, like, functionally murder them and then he just kept going like that.

w my arsonist dean, it really is just all about control and trying to ground yourself in some version of reality when you're coming unmoored. he has an obsession with fire from a young age and sets controlled fires bc he's fucked up about fire and what not having control over it can do. he becomes a firefighter bc in his head that is also a way to control it. he starts committing crimes when his father dies bc that is a trauma that kind of sends him reeling ala empty spaces dean and like doing this thing where he's orchestrating the lives of these people is doing sth to him I think. he's projecting on everyone and he's saving himself but it's like never enough.

so the only reason he would have to stop arson would be if he was able to, like, exercise that control over his life in some way. a stable relationship dynamic is good, a ritual is good, a kind of mindless droning on of life where everything is exactly as he expects it to be is good, it's grounding. I think ultimately it doesn't work bc it's not good for the other people in the situation. like!!! obviously!!! also it's just not sustainable. it's impossible to truly control every aspect of your life and dean cannot handle the slightest bit of deviation from his Plan™. like so I think the break can be slow bc he starts freaking out over small things like someone not turning off a light or not locking a door or something like that. but it's all a v mild reaction all things considered and within the realm of acceptable. but also I think Lisa is On Edge bc she's not an idiot.

thinking about what would push dean over the edge when he's in this domestic farce of a situation. like I thought about maybe ben getting into his office or something — places, things, he's designated as Personal and like Don't Fucking Touch It. and it's like bc he's in such a precarious state of mind, he's like twigs and duct tape yk? so perhaps he blows up at the kid. and it's like literally nothing. it could just be a really cool looking zeppo or whatever that's on his desk and Ben takes it bc he just wants to show off to his friends or sneak out and smoke a cigarette like a normal 12 y/o. anyway he blows up at the kid and maybe Lisa is like nope. get out. that's it. line crossed.

or maybe he does have a come to Jesus moment almost immediately and they Talk About It as a family and he's like trying to make amends or whatever. either way. glass is cracked now.

idk how but I think it would be fun if there was another fire now in this house (lolololol IM SORRY i just think everything dean touches should be on fire bc of him I think the universe can affirm that to him over and over let him hurt everyone he loves and then go crazy like!!!) and like smoke inhalation CAN cause a coma!! (well like it's cyanide and/or CO poisoning technically but yk.) so maybe ben does go into a coma. maybe dean and lisa look at each other and Lisa like lowkey knows he's doing fucked up shit but she's also like I am not killing myself and my son over this get out like i don't wanna see you I don't wanna hear from you go get your head on straight somewhere and if you think you can handle being normal then maybe we can talk but no get out.

and dean leaves bc he also senses that she senses that sth is v wrong with him and about him, and he realises that he's really just gotta find some way to fix his fucking life and he tries to change so he tries to go find sam and then he kills Jess (still not sure if the fire is on purpose or an accident!) and becomes full crazy i think.

ps: just like as a random possible addition to this already convoluted au, cas being the one to somehow laterally be involved in causing the fire and also the rescue w lisa ben (for canon parallels also bc i just think he's so funny in this fic like why isnhe doing this??? no reason he's just a freak and he's obsessed.)

pps: honestly in the state that he is!!! jess' fire can fully not be his fault, but he still is around and Fails To Save Her and sam could just end up putting the pieces together for other stuff and he connects the right dots but like his main dot is not connected to all that!! but bc he's also obsessive and crazy he's like IM GONNA KILL YOUUU

anyway. ANYWAYY.

[icecreamkink]

*slides this here bc im still Not Happy With It but i also dont know if i even wanna continue it but i need to put it somewhere also @fangirl383 might or might not shoot me with her pink gun if i dont post Another wip she liked and i promised i would ha  h a*

“Listen, I know this isn’t an ideal situation—” Malfoy snorted in contempt. Harry ignored him. “But we’re doing a job and if you could not act like someone’s roping you into.. Into-  What the fuck are you doing n- ow” Harry groaned as Malfoy’s elbow somehow collided with Harry’s mouth despite the fact half of his body was half on top of Harry, and, rationally, it had to be an accident. But if there was someone who would contort themselves to make Harry’s life the most difficult possible, it would be Malfoy.

“Shut up, Potter.” The git said, not even bothering to apologize.

“Will you stop moving-”

“I’m trying to get a clear view.”

“Do you need to climb on me to do that?!”

“Well actually, I do since your intelligence landed us in a literal hole,” Malfoy hissed in his ear. Harry opened his mouth to protest that, but well. It was true, his team had been the one to inspect the terrain and find them their hiding spot - a cave so narrow that was indeed more of a hole, nestled at the bottom of a cliff, large enough to fit 1.25 person lying stomach down. Or two aurors, lying practically on top of each other, as it were. The location was ideal because it had a side view of the site they believed to be the smuggling ring HQ, but far enough that the protean spells didn’t reach it, and was naturally conspicuous through dense trees and small rocks (and for being as tiny as a rabbit hole, Malfoy had grumbled moodily) so they didn’t need to use so much magic to disguise themselves. A natural hiding spot, nearly undetectable, but not particularly comfortable, Harry had to admit.

Also it was just… weird to argue with someone when they were hissing against your neck. Harry scratched his nails where Malfoy’s warm breath had tickled it.

“What do you have those dorky glasses for if you need to strain so much.” Harry muttered pettily against his wand, currently pressed between his face, his sweaty hand and a piece of rocky earth. Ugh, it was so hot in here, the air thick and still, made all the worst by the invisibility mantle they had thrown over themselves; all the places he and Malfoy touched felt as if on fire, he had dirt everywhere and Malfoy’s huffed breathing on his ear did absolutely nothing to cool him down, only gave him weird goosebumps in his spine. Harry squirmed miserably, and got a very pointed elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

“My glasses aren’t dorky” Malfoy hissed in supercilious indignation. If Harry didn’t have to risk torticollis to do so, he would have turned his head to watch his eyes flash in all his mad inventor righteous fury.  “They are high level magical object research in trial period, designed to help oafs like you not get killed in the line of work. My glasses, dorky, honestly, you of all people saying that with those things you wear around since school-”  

“What are you talking about, I’ve been told my glasses are quite fetching. Witch Weekly did a whole article on it.” Harry grinned as Malfoy ground his teeth. He’d take all the amusement he could get, after all, and riling up Malfoy was always so much fun.

“Oh, if the pinacle of journalism in our country, Witch Weekly printed it” Malfoy said snidely. Then, as if physically unable to stop there, he continued. “For your information, these glasses are curse repellent, heat vision, magical signature identifying ones. It won me a research funding from the Research and Extension Division-”

“Yeah alright Doc Brown, what do you see then?” Harry interrupted, stretching his back in an attempt to soothe his aching shoulders.

“Nothing uh, much. Will you keep still?” Malfoy murmured, voice strained.

“I barely even mov-” Harry started to protest in indignation, but was cut off by Malfoy’s sweaty hand suddenly pressing against his mouth.

“Shhhh, someone’s coming.” Harry immediately tensed—well, as much as he could in this current predicament, as he could barely grip his wand. Thank Merlin he’d gotten better at wandless magic.

He could hear a faint rustling sound; Malfoy moved his hand into the curve of his neck and it felt oddly comforting. Harry could feel all of Malfoy’s muscles tensing where they pressed together.

Malfoy fiddled with his wand, and Harry faintly prayed he wouldn’t accidentally stab him in the eye with it, because that was just the type of thing to happen to him.

Somebody jumped on the plateau they were directly under, boots scuffing the ground above them.

“That’s it?” A voice echoed. Harry could see Malfoy pointing his wand at another one of his “assistance magical artifacts ” or as Harry called them, his crazy inventor gadgets. It was a little box, similar to a radio, and it buzzed softly at Draco’s murmured incantation, releasing the faintest golden glow.  

“Mmhm, just leave the merch on the front hall.” The person above them said. “Talk to Bre and only Bre, then get the fuck out. There’s a new shipment coming, and everyone’s on edge, don’t hang around more than you have to.” A new shipment. This could be their shot. Harry willed whoever was above them to casually drop a date. Possibly a location. And a list of names. His knees hurt.

“Right, no worries Reg. I’ll be in and out in a peep” A pair of gangly legs dangled in front of them, stumbled over a rock, and then took off briskly towards the house in the woods.

Malfoy shimmied above him, trying to get a closer look. He brought the little box close to his mouth.

“Suspect: Male, red hair, medium stature, grey robes, carrying a medium sized black box.” Malfoy said into it. A recording device, then. Clever.  “Entered the house at -” he paused expectantly, and Harry cast a quick tempus “12:47, sunday the 24th. The box doesn’t appear to be the size or type for containing snakes, so it’s possible it’s another type of ‘merchandise’.” Malfoy put the recording contraption back in his pocket, balancing himself with one hand at the small of Harry’s back.

Harry scowled, unamused at being used as a cushion.

“Next time, I’m topping.” He grumbled.

“What?”  Malfoy choked out, hand slipping down Harry’s back into his side, knuckles thudding against the bedrock.

“In the- the stakeout” Harry hissed, embarrassed. “I’m not your damn pillow.” He grumbled. Malfoy started to shake above him, his whole body vibrating, and with growing chagrin Harry realized he was laughing. He dropped his head into Harry’s shoulder, trying to stifle his giggles.

“Don’t worry Potter, I’ll be your pillow if you want. I’m very comfortable switching between top and bottom after all." He quipped, amusement laced in every word. Harry could feel his blush spreading like fire from his neck to the tip of his ears, and he dropped his head between his arms with a disconcerted groan.

“Oh my god, shut up.” He mumbled, and Malfoy laughed even harder, gleeful and evil, shaking Harry’s whole body. “Is there movement above us?” He said loudly, mostly to stray from the topic at hand.

“Hm.” Malfoy projected a small map of the terrain from the tip of his wand. “Nope. Reggie dear is...currently at the bottom of the hill, down the other side. You know, I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Auror Potter. You’re practically just lying there, I’m doing all the work here.” He drawled, injecting unnecessary lewdness to his voice, still faintly amused as it was. Harry could swear he seemed to be purposefully pressing even closer, his words just short of murmured against his ear.

The git.

“Lying here- How can I- You’re on top of,” Harry started, and felt Malfoy giggle again, then huffed and promptly shut up. “You’re fired.”

“You’re not my bo-oss” Malfoy sing songed, but moved out of his position anyway, sliding away from Harry and turning on his side.

Harry felt disinclined to face him while his cheeks were still flaming.

“Oh come on Potter, where’s your sense of humor?”

“You didnt seem to be in such a jaunty mood a minute ago.”

“Yes, your mortification greatly lifts my spirits.” A beat. “I’m versatile like that.”

Harry sighed, lifting his head. “I hate you so much.”

“That’s kind of why we’re here, isn’t it?” Malfoy hummed, cheek smushed against the palm of his hand. Harry made a noncommittal sound. They were here in a partly punishment mission to quote unquote ‘learn how to act like the twenty-three year old Auror you are, not a snotty fourteen year old whenever Auror Malfoy is concerned’, after his (and Malfoy’s) respective partners filed complaints against their methods and their fighting and their case-point competition. So while it was true their behavior got them here, saddled together in this weird, uncomfortable stake out, Harry wouldn’t say hate was what brought them; he didn’t argue with Malfoy or looked over his cases or felt the need to prove himself and best him out of hate, it was more of a... compulsion. It was just more -  fun, in the often glum and dreary line of work they’d chosen, to have Malfoy pay attention to him, meet him at every curve and breathe down his neck. To watch him rising to his baits when he poked fun at Malfoy’s clothes and hair and (admittedly ingenous) inventions. He admitted to himself that he liked the rivalry, was motivated by it.

But, of course, Harry wouldn’t tell him any of that. And it’s not like he enjoyed Malfoy literally breathing down his neck, so Harry pulled out his wand and checked the map himself instead of answering.

“There's… something moving through the field” Harry said, looking the small dot moving in a hurry. It was too small and moved strangely for a human. Could it be...

Malfoy rolled on top of him again, straining once more to try and see the scope of land.

Harry waited, tense as Malfoy tried to get a clear view.

“Oh.” Malfoy said, muscles unlocking from his coiled stance. “It’s your reptile.”

Harry lifted his head suddenly eager in an attempt to see, banging it painfully against Malfoy’s chin in the process.

“Fuck,” Malfoy hissed, quickly rolling as far away from him as was possible, which in case meant they still touched thigh to shoulder even with Malfoy on his side with his back pressed against the stone. He sent Harry a dark look, clutching his chin; Harry patted his head as condescendingly as he could, turning back to the map, eyes glued to little wiggling dot heading for them.

“Missster Harry, Missster Malfoy” Arnaud hissed in greeting, poking his scaly face into their cave, then quickly sliding into the middle of them both. Arnaud turned his head to Malfoy, flicking his tongue in further acknowledgement since he couldn’t understand him.

“Hey” Harry greeted with a smile even as he inspected him for any sign of injuries. “Is everything alright?”

Arnaud turned to him.

“Yesss, it’s all been really quiet. They’ve mosstly kept us in the cages ssso far, and I snuck out without them ssseeing me. They’ve received five more younglings today, along with eggsss, and theress a boy bringing something else. Sssomething I couldn’t sssee.”

“Did you hear something about another shipment coming tonight?”

“Yess” Arnaud said, lifting his head. “I hear the humans talking. Tonight, at midnight.”

 “The smugglers have been quiet, but more snakes and eggs were brought in today, and something else he couldn’t see. He confirms there’ll be a new shipment at midnight.” Harry translated.

“We have to report it back to the team. See if it’s the time for an ambush or to collect more data” Malfoy said. Arnaud nodded in approval.

“I should get back before they miss me.” Harry nodded, even as his stomach tightened.

“Tell him to be careful.” Malfoy said, looking out with furrowed eyebrows. Arnaud flicked both of their fingers and slithered quickly out with a hissed ‘don’t worry’.

“That’s our out then.” Harry sighed turning sideways too. Malfoy was staring at him, pressed as far back as he could against the rock wall; there was maybe an inch between them.

“You’ll write the report.” Malfoy said, trying to sit up slightly.

“What? Why?” Harry spluttered.

“You headbutted me.” Harry narrowed his eyes.

“You elbowed me in the face!” He shot back. Malfoy stared him down. Harry held his gaze. His eyes looked very dark in the shade.

“Rock parchment wand?”

“...Fine”

.

Malfoy was leaning against the wall of Kingsley’s office. The dark red wood set his hair off rather nicely, Harry noticed. With Arnaud perched on his shoulder like that, he could be a slytherin poster boy.

Robards was still complaining in the back, something about Harry and Malfoy competing for leads and ethics and immaturity or something. Harry wasn’t paying attention. His and Malfoy’s… methods were always questioned, but here they were, another case closed, weren’t they? That’s what should matter.

Behind Robard’s back Malfoy caught Harry’s eye, smirking minutely and winked. Harry bit the inside of his cheek. Prick.

Robards face acquired new shades of red, but Harry wasn’t listening at all. Malfoy outright grinned, bringing one hand to stroke the scales on Arnaud’s head and his stomach felt….weird. Somehow almost...fluttery?

Oh.

Oh.

Well, that was inconvenient.

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

[arodrwho]

fjfhgjf that jonmartin shitty hands fic though,,,,

i don’t. know how to respond to ppl going “??? wait is this kind of thing not normal? i relate to a lot of this?? should i be concerned?” bc like bruh i dunno but if ur having pain and/or other problems on a regular basis uhhhh maybe look into it yeah, bc whether or not it’s this specific thing causing th difficulties doesn’t rly matter, it’s more that th difficulties exist at all. like. that was half the point of me writing it, & a fair bit of th reason i didn’t set an Specific Word to martin’s experiences (besides that i genuinely think he’d be v reluctant to for reasons of [gestures at fic])

bc it doesn’t.. matter if it’s this specifically, or if it’s Bad Enough to Officially Merit Concern

...which is a thing i could say, theoretically, but also like. there is the fact that martin’s experiences specifically were based vry heavily on my own, & i am a person who probably does not have osteoarthritis (as i imagined in martin’s case), or dyspraxia (which is another incredibly valid reading), or any other thing which might feasibly result in The Hand Ouchies (other than like. an old-timey injury that healed a bit funky. that’s my deal here)

& like i have also done outside research into What Is This Like To Live With If You Have It Really, but that is not the same as being a person who Has It Really, u know what i mean? so i don’t want to be out here like. ah yes. martin’s experiences, which are Mine jammed onto his person & dialed up perhaps 15%, are Definitely Always This and/or Definitely Sth To Be Highkey Concerned About Always, bc i don’t want 2 give the impression that ?? things

idk like. my hangups are why i wrote it, & my hangups also are why i struggle to respond to these inquiries. it’s a thing

my original point stands regardless though, like

idk that necessarily what i portrayed is sth to be auto-concerned abt if it resonates w/u, but certainly it’s probably worth looking into if it resonated enough that ur thinking about doing so?

bc even if u end up being like me, a person who doesn’t rly have much to b concerned abt, u can still learn some Neat & Helpful Tricks to improve yourn life

& so it doesn’t matter rly if ur problems are lower or uppercase bc the point is they exist & u can theoretically do things abt them! which is nice & good & a life lesson martin needed to learn & that frankly so do i & therefore [waves hand @ wall of text] yea

[tidethreads]

No pressure but I'm very interested in your more elaborate opinion of the song 😊 Have a great weekend! 💕

thank you my weekend was actually pretty nice!!

my brain isn’t fully working yet but i really just wanna write what i think now. in general i think i’ve already mentioned that i don’t think the song is as much of a break-up song as people think also bc he’s still dating the person this has to be about, i’m just gonna go through the lyrics bit by bit and write what i think and then do an interpretation and conclusion at the end

warning: this is very long and detailed

[Chorus]I can’t writeone song that’s not about youCan’t drink without thinking about youIs it too late to tell you thatEverything means nothing if I can’t have you?

ok starting off, i like that the chorus is at the very beginning, i think most people agree here. the interesting thing is that the “you” is always at 1 of the subsequent bar, which is the same thing he did in FAIY and there was a lot of speculation about that and different interpretations - the fandom interpretation is that it should be seen as belonging to both the former and the latter line (fallin’ all in - you - fell for men who weren’t how they appeared) while people “outside” saw it as being the close of the first line only.

the reason i’m recalling this is bc i read someone say that the first you can be seen as the start of the second line too and that the second line would be “you can’t drink without thinking about it” (the it would be instead of the second “you” but ..yea. i don’t agree with that)

i also don’t think “everything” is just an empty word that describes everything in his life ever but i’m gonna elaborate on that at the end

[Verse 1]I’m in Torontoand I got this viewBut I might as well be in a hotel room, yeah

i think i’m gonna keep most of my “unpopular opinions” for my other ask that asked about them, let me just say the first two lines are (for me) about the fact that his feelings for this person are what’s on his mind and they’re the “constant” basically, and that’s why it doesn’t matter where he is - bc they’re always there and yeah home is home but you can’t just turn off your thoughts about someone you care about this much

Itdoesn’t matter ‘cause I’m so consumedSpending all my nights reading texts from you

celebrities…they’re just like us lol. what a mood

basically yes this “confirms” my paragraph above, it doesn’t matter where he is bc his personal life is so overpowering

[Pre-Chorus]Oh, I’m good at keeping my distanceI know that you’re the feeling I’m missing

this is the part where i tell you that in order for my interpretation to work, i need to disregard the more obvious interpretation of certain lines and “keeping my distance” is one of them. i don’t know what i think about it yet (wow also sorry i’m writing in this much detail about every single line lel)

“the feeling i’m missing” - i see that as that his life is missing (as in it’s not there) the fulfillment of being in a romantic relationship, this is NOT about how he misses the person this is about, idk why everyone is saying that

also “i know that you’re filling the need for this certain thing in my life” does not mean he doesn’t currently “have” the person? the entire song is not saying much at all about whether or not he “has” that person. for me it’s an acknowledgment of this person’s place and importance in his life, not an “i miss you” line

You know that I hate to admit itBut everything means nothing if I can’t have you

“YOU KNOW THAT I HATE TO ADMIT IT”. this is the line that stands out the most for me in the entire song. yes, this can be a commonplace and they could have just added it bc it fit, but shawn admitting the struggle between his career and his relationship and that he “hates” (ok strong word but even acknowledging that he has difficulties) admitting that his relationship is taking up more and more space and that yes of course he loves his career but at what cost?

also the “you know” is what is telling me they’ve had several conversations about this

[Verse 2]I’m so sorry that my timing’s offBut I can’t move on if we’re still gonna talkIs it wrong forme to not want half?I want all ofyou, all the strings attached

(ok idk why the format is messing up now). anyway i needed to insert this verse as a whole bc this is the most wtf part of the song for me. i mean just read the verse and then structure it topically. it makes very little sense.

I’m so sorry that my timing’s offBut I can’t move on if we’re still gonna talk

(first of all, saying i’m so sorry instead of just i’m sorry makes this seem so genuine, my heart) 

ok the timing of the song is off, or the timing of his feelings, idk and idc. basically this is about how he’s holding on even though they’re done - much like the bridge. BUT THEN

Is it wrong for me to not want half?I want all of you, all the strings attached

THIS IS A RUPTURE. this has nothing to do with the first two lines. and in all honesty i think this is the “truer” part and the first two lines were added in when the tone of the song was decided or sth. idk. but since my entire point is that this is not rly a break-up song then i’m obviously gonna lean on lines like this a little more

“wrong for me to not want half” ok for me this part is interesting bc in his entire second album, “half” of this person (bc we’re not ignoring the 99% chance this is about the same person) meant moving on from this friendship-relationship limbo with shawn pushing towards the commitment and there being a sort of back and forth (see: Mutual, LIJ, Why, WYR).

BUT here i see this as a conversation in an already-established relationship and since this song is IMO about the conflict of his private life w his public one and fame in general, i think “half” here means that they’re keeping it so much on the downlow that his relationship is not part of other parts of his life and this is him saying he wants to move away from this a bit, that he wants his relationship to take a larger role in his life (not feelings-wise but in general) and he’s willing to make some effort to make this work (”strings attached”) bc he knows it doesn’t necessarily happen “just like that”

[Bridge]I’m trying to move on, forget you, but I hold onEverything means nothing, everything meansnothing, babeI’m trying to move on, forget you, but I hold onEverything means nothing if I can’t have you, no

ok i don’t have much to say about this. i’m acknowledging that this is in opposition to what i think but since you also can’t really dispute my interpretation of the rest of the lyrics with actual things to back you up i’m mostly disregarding the bridge

INTERPRETATION

this song immediately reminded me of If I Could Fly by One Direction - written by Harry about how he’s devoting himself to someone he can’t be publicly dating and how he’s suffering from the segmentation and how he’s willing to give up his career to be with that person: a conscious prioritisation of his relationship over his career.

and i think this type of struggle is what CHY is about. it’s shawn realising and acknowledging that he is immensely famous and his career is in full swing but at some point in a relationship, you start being so attached and in love and devoted that in the end, what matters (or could matter) more is that one person

i think this entire point is driven home by “everything means nothing if i can’t have you” - i think “everything” is his fame and his career but in the end, it means nothing if being famous means his relationship is taking a bigger hit than he’s okay with (this is for me the logical continuation of FAIY where he’s talking about his relationship being an “away place” from his career for the very first time)

and this is where you can start speculating about why he can’t have that person. dating someone as famous as shawn obviously always requires more effort and commitment and it’s scary to start that kind of relationship - but why is this one this hard? and this delicate? why does it need to be away from his career? why can’t he have both the relationship and this type of career?

i mean yes you can think that “can’t have you” means that the person he’s talking about just doesn’t want to date him but ….i don’t think that

i also love how this song is just so LOUD and UNAPOLOGETIC about his feelings? SM3 was all about the uncertainty (the good and bad parts) and then falling more in love with that person, but now they’ve sort of established themselves as a couple and this is utter devotion? “i can’t stop thinking about you and you’re the most important part of my life”? CUTE AF.

basically what i’m trying to say with all of this is that “can’t have you” is either hypothetical (”this would mean nothing if i couldn’t have you”) or about his public persona (”i don’t like being famous when i can’t be with you and i’m trying to reassure you”)

i tend to think that the “too late” and the love declaration and the reassurance aspect of the song means that this is a conversation after a fight. idk this is just what it reads as to me, i think talking about your relationship’s place in your career is hard in that position and there’s bound to be some conflict and i think that that’s a conversation that shawn has had several times.

he said somewhere that they had the chorus first and then wrote the rest of the song around that, and if you just take the chorus in itself i think it fits this interpretation perfectly and they wrote the vague break-up references around it when they decided that’s the direction they wanted to take the song in. i think it’s also necessary to note that shawn didn’t write this song alone, even if it’s based off his life and his experiences so specific details don’t even rly have to match

ok. this was very long but it’s basically my view of the song, you can tell me if you agree or disagree and what your own opinion is!

[roominthecastle]

1) do u ship michael/eleanor 2) if yes pls share ur thoughts and feelings :))

*cracks knuckles* Just remember: you asked for this, anon.

1) Yes.

I am oh so predictable and this dynamic offers everything - literally everything - that gets me going, so I got going at once. Like act 1, scene 1,

“Hello, Eleanor. I am Michael and you are dead.”

A dapper amoral non-human puppetmaster becomes emotionally compromised as a kickass mortal woman keeps foiling his ridiculously meticulous plans, and they end up bonding over the confusing struggle of self-improvement, survival, & being messy benches who love dramaaa?

Honestly, they gave me no chance to even consider resisting this.

2) Oh boy. This is where we duck behind a read more bc length & GIFs

I should probably start by saying that as far as strict canon goes, for now, I only see solid evidence of the tightest, beautifulest friendship btw these two, but the potential for “more” is def there, as well, imo. I broship them on the show and ship them like mad in this nice little bubble of Could Be where I’m happy bc canon is generous w/ the fodder. That being said, the furthest I can see canon pushing this ‘ship is a bittersweet unrequited love area, sth like [ this post ] I reblogged the other day. No bitter Friendzoned™ bullshit bc Michael ain’t a gross-ass dick like that. Friendship is his most precious treasure like he kept the spoon Janet gave him and put it on display in his office. My heart almost gave out at that part. I think he felt lonely and isolated among his kind even before his solo project started going off the rails, forcing him to defect to the human side, so I’m sure he would never consider “friendship only” w/ Eleanor to be some second-rate outcome. (neither would I)

But he is only beginning to discover the various dimensions of human relationships, so his feelings are likely in flux and mixed. He might consider chaste romance friendship, too, since he has no previous experience to draw on whatsoever. I mean, feelings are v difficult to sort even w/ plenty experience as evidenced by the humans around him.

Eleanor is to Michael who/what Chidi is to her, imo. Every round of the Eleanor/Chidi dynamic is characterized by a rollercoaster of “is it platonic or is it romantic or both or neither or what the sweet fork is it?”, and I can imagine Michael going through a bit of that confusion himself as he gets more and more attached to Eleanor but w/o the pressure of “pick a label already and act on it”. A general feeling of attraction (not necessarily sexual) would be natural, esp for a being who is experiencing his first intense connection with someone who actively challenges, rewards, and punishes him in ways no other being has before and no human has ever dared before.

She takes him down a few notches, no question. Chidi is the teacher but Eleanor is the one pushing and pulling Michael along their rocky, scary, insane path of self-improvement, which, just like hers, starts out as an empty nuisance deal of self-preservation (“You get help but only if you take ethics lessons”) and turns into a genuine effort to become better. She insists on him taking these lessons and makes sure he “stays in school” despite the initial difficulties. Out of his 4 humans, she is the one he consistently looks to for emotional pointers, support, and validation.

The subtlest (and my most favorite) display of this is how he keeps half-turning back towards her when he pleads their case in front of Judge Gen.

She is his person who has faith in him when no one else does and reaches him when no one else can or want to. She is his anchor pulling him back whenever he drifts off too far, be it as a result of a massive existential/midlife crisis or venting frustrations in his old, cruel ways like tormenting Chidi:

He listens to her and tries to reciprocate even if it means breaking some fundamental rules of the afterlife or turning on his own kind or giving up his immortality or going behind the back of the All-Knowing Judge who can condemn anyone for eternal suffering with a snap of her fingers. This is the same kind of glitch Janet describes in 111 (aptly named “What’s My Motivation”): to act unpredictably and behave in ways that run counter to how you were programmed to behave. a.k.a. the “human error” a.k.a. LOVE

Eleanor just instinctively gets him in every sense of the word bc they are very similar, and while at first it causes alarm, discomfort, and tension for both of them, it transforms into friendship - sth that I believe has its origins in S1 when he is supposed to be faking everything. That day spent together having all kinds of fun has left some genuine positive marks on both, imo, despite both “participating” to cover an agenda.

This bond is now the kind of stuff that would need only a tiny, unexpected spark to ignite. I don’t think it will in ~that~ way on the show since Eleanor is focused elsewhere in that department atm & maybe forever, but the groundwork is def there, so I can imagine billions of excellent fic scenarios blooming from this + as I said somewhere above, a potential canon scenario where Michael harbors unrequited feelings but keeps silent bc it would be a secret he is ethically allowed - maybe even required - to keep. Again, it is one of the lessons that come up when Janet’s “glitching” and they consider breaking up Jason and Tahani as a solution: “It’s not permissible to ruin their happiness to save ourselves. … It’s okay to keep a secret as long as that secret isn’t harming anyone, and telling them that secret might cause harm.” Michael knows Eleanor needs Chidi to stay on course towards eternal happiness, and, given the group’s track record, telling her that he has feelings could cause confusion sufficient enough to derail everything and that’s not permissible. But this is pure speculation ofc.

Despite the circular narrative and reboots, nothing gained is wasted on this show, it only changes forms and feeds further development. For example, everything Michael pretends to feel and do in S1 he ends up feeling and doing for real in the first part of S2, then gradually gains a more thorough understanding of these actions and feelings in the second half via Chidi’s lessons and by watching/helping others deal with their problems. He fakes it till he makes it. He essentially mirrors Janet, the other non-human member of this group dynamic, who unexpectedly bonds with Jason and her behavior becomes erratic as a result and calms only when she understands what is going on and how to deal with it. Michael’s “demon programming” starts glitching, too, and Eleanor is right smack in the middle of that mess.

Janet “orbits” the “Jason-Tahani unit” w/ a link to Jason, Michael the Eleanor-Chidi one w/ a link to Eleanor, which forms the two interconnected triangles of the show - an “arrangement” further reinforced by the image of Janet and Michael glued to Jason’s and Eleanor’s monitoring thingy respectively at the end of S2.

He is the (recovering) devil on Eleanor’s shoulder sitting opposite to Chidi (also they are the only two guys who wear glasses in the afterlife??), but no matter how well they click and how much fun they have together, it’s Chidi whose presence needs to be tangible (800+ reboots proved that), not his, no matter how/what he feels or what he wants. Removing himself from the equation, sacrificing his own wants & needs, is the only way to ensure Eleanor & Co. have a shot at eternal happiness, so he literally pushes her away and advocates for a solution that involves them completely forgetting about him. It is the ultimate act of selfless love if you think about it, and it makes me feel A LOT.

Also just look at them when she sees he did not die and he sees she (and the rest of the gang, I know, but that’s not our focus here) has not been eternally damned yet bc OFC HE COMES BACK WITH ANOTHER IDEA + 369 BACKUP PLANS + CHEAT CODES bc this is the demon who literally tried a billion ways to sneak them into heaven and was plagued with “after sad” when he failed.

And then we have the scene where he just can’t help himself, breaks yet another rule, and sneaks down/up/idk to Earth to nudge his lost pal back on track and she ofc doesn’t remember him bc the Judge wiped her afterlife memories and he pretends to be her BARTENDER in STING’S DESERT ROSÉ (!!) and delights in her drunken ramblings - it is too much goodness like I’m this close to a Cheers rewatch and also just… THESE FOOLS OWN ME NOW

[paraclete0407]

Feel like CCP have a quantum-entangled-mRNA-modulation-nano-machine and C19 could keep changing forever ~ if America lost so many fighting coronavirus what if the pull a Khan an use bubonic plague or sth ~ according to Gen. Spalding 50% of small businesses closed in America = let’s bankrupt the Treasury, throw the weak on the street, sue for communism, end of the world. 

 I’m not even joking and I’m wondering if CCP doctrine ‘scientific atheism’ is real or total shadowplay... I wish I could just write one more decent YAL attempt to encourage kids; I no longer know whether young people will even aspire or fall in love or want to reproduce sexually b/c they can CRISPR or whatever and look at people and copy them(?); IIRC the amount of stored data / known and recorded facts doubles ev. 12hrs and still Grace Community Church is there - too far from me I guess - and he is saying, ‘They are trying to isolate everyone.’ my best dearest relationship left the Saigon Embassy(?) ‘cause I tried to do the right thing and I feel the sickness unto death

‘Clover’ and ‘Je T’aime’ - the problem with today’s kiddes pace my student’s 2nd novel is caste society coming + w/r/t the children wanting to grow up together and get married a la ‘Whisper of the Heart’ do they even want to do it or do they just want to see themselves doing it and if they can see themselves married ‘MWC’ and growing white-haired like w/ Maurois ‘Art of Living’ would they follow through and actually go there or would they see themselves on TV being white-haired, ‘holding the morning coffee.’ eating hardboiled egg, and decide that since they’d seen everything coming like King Henry IV they would just ‘sit himself down and die’ - ‘People wanna see the end and do nothing!’

;and also is Generation Alpha ‘en bloc’ going to be mentally ll forever due to touch-deprivation; their consumer manipulation of their parents appears even worse than how in the 1980s-1990s Apple Jacks was like ‘adults haha’ and I felt like human trash for not having Lunchables, my classmates ‘flip a s---’ over me wearing New Balance shoes as opposed to Nike or LA Lights or British Knights and ‘Mom got a __ pound turkey!’ ~ are these the poor in spirit or all these pre-programed Maoist fast-zombie sleeper agents b/c the poor-in-spirt would have some kind of ‘exclamation point’ reaction

‘and B- the never-to-be NBA star counted his Korea-nickels for the snack ramyun’ - parents were saying whatever, culture of achievement just meant everyone antagonizing everyone b/c who ‘contends lawfully’ all the time b/c eventually you either want to be the giving up one that lets others win or the bus-under-thrower and cross-tracker and leg-sweeper; moreover like a million people comment on Taengstagram but she should just read my comment b/c it is a heartfelt and useful / edifying yet not paternal or condescending (that I know of) ‘like-letter’ and the other comments are either barbarian yawping, derivative, redundant except for SJH378 who also writes letters but I can’t write in fluent Korean and she still can’t read Eng I bet and I know nothing anymore and all these people are dissecting me and doing evth w/ their knowledge that I tried to avoid doing but then did I?  Or was I exploitation-monkey the whole time 

‘Meanwhile in North Korea, Xinjiang, all over Africa, down the street and in numerous abandoned industrial facilities and warehouses in Milwaukee USA...’ - I swear drones are the future and they’re much smaller than you think and so are the nerve-agent-flechettes; does my ex-girlfriend believe in the soul; and why are so many stylists and hairstylists and fashion personal shopper types getting even more artistically irresponsible and holding ‘moral beauty’ in contempt + I thought Korea was getting smart be consigning BkP to oblivion and incarcerating and damning artists that turned out to be immoral / turpiditudinous but actually the mandatory infantilo-Lolita-zation / lifelong commitment to 360-degree 24-7-365 killzone-abiding women goes on, it’s my fault, I caused Covid, I also caused the Presbyterian daughter to start spewing ‘girls like cars and money’ due to my career love-shyness and turned this whole world in to instrumentalists and ppl dependent on / addicted to ‘intersubjective objects’ (pace OMG ‘Sugar Baby’ / ‘neon naui teddy bear’) b/c I am love-shy

I rem a while back I had sober musings over youngwomen’s desires to become mothers but not wives but didn’t turn the scalpel on myself and really look in to why I believed that I could be ’established man’ before even learning how to infer / deduce parental expectations but these peple don’t expect anytning b/c just have ‘palats’ b/c Boomer AP English Keats-monkey + FUCKING MAO

IDK if it’s worth adding but the 4chan appropriation ‘pozzed’ as a ‘term of art’ meaning ‘corporatistically irrational or cuter-rational or counter-human or morally obscene’ (cf. Charles Murray) actually came from a homosexual ‘nickname’ for being HIV-positive which suggests extreme vulnerability or KPG NEET’s would also like to relate it to the commonly-found ‘fertile’ but it’s being fertile with death, slavery, human trafficking, 3-child policy Syria rape force to incubate and raise child-soldiers ~ CCP Milley-Harris Emergency Powers ‘Republic of Omni-Confusion That Is Not Even Totalitarianism’  

[nusitram]

hii so can i come in your inbox and scream a little? cause i think i have a crush on one of my best friends skdhkdf i hate myself for it bc i Dont want to endanger our precious friendship in any way but shes the absolute cutest and idk what to do?? ive been denying this for awhile now but then Why do i keep thinking about her. ffs. and i also kinda came here on anon to scream about her preciousness bc honestly - (1/?)

+ (did i press the anon button in my last ask if not rip) anywayss i love her so fucking much n shes the best human on this eaRTH and also im just so gay. when she talks about sth shes passionate about its just So Adorable. and shes really fucking cute n smol n giggly (but also way too insecure). also,, my brain is for sure messing with me but i think theres a possiblity she might like me back and that fills me with hope, joy and So Much Fear (2/?) 

+ for example last week we were on a party and she and i were both kinda tipsy and i think we?? danced p intimately?? and i also saw she liked that a lot but is it Friend Gay or Gay Gay?? im so confuzzled?? (3/?) + and once she tagged me in a thing about having intimate dreams abt ppl and said sth vague i didnt get so idk if it was a joke, a thing abt someone else, her laughing at me (dont ask) or a Hint??? i also know p sure shes at least a little into girls bc she said once she was questioning. and she has a lot of lesbian ships and reads fanfiction about it. (?/?) + and im also kinda hinting at her a little bit but i hope not too much bc i dont wanna come off as creepy / make it weird between us. im also probably completely wrong about her maybe liking me bc i cant imagine being someones type ever (thats another thing - she strongly disagreed w/ that and it got my heart to make 7 backflips lol) - ../? + i could write at least 10 more asks about how amazing she is but im gonna stop lmao. im so sorry for spamming u. this was an unstructured mess but thats how i feel rn skhfsk

omg aw :’) this mild freak out made me smile and warmed my heart lol i think that you should probably talk to her, if not explicitly about your feelings, at least about how she feels about dating and dating girls and if she’s currently into someone. you’ll never know if you don’t ask! 

[mangaka-neko-chan]

Have you been able to play DbD recently? (you know, the Emblem System update and all that) If so, what's your opinion? Like it? Hate it? Something in between or no thoughts about it yet?

There was once a girl who liked gaming and loved to talk about it. That girl had to move house for the third time. But she couldn’t just move smoothly from one place to another and everything would be perfectly fine, no no no. She had to move into a holiday apartment for two months before she could move to the new place. And while Overwatch was sparkling bright with it’s too early Archive Event on the left side and Dead by Daylight burned down in it’s Enblem System on the right side, the girl sat there with her good enough for regular activity LTE internet that wouldn’t let her game.

And that girl is friggin me since two weeks. Now you know.

So I obviously didn’t play the update yet although I definitely jumped up and wanted to do that immedeatley after it got surprisingly early released (I swear they only do that to make me mad *jokes*). But I can’t. Inet just wouldn’t let me I guess.

So I shooed my friends around a bit like some furious manager and told them to tell me every little detail about the new system when they played it (sorry about that). But I still have to play it myself to get a real opinion about it cause all I know so far is that 50% say it’s good and 50% say it’s bad. And even tho people try their best, their reports don’t really help me, sadly.

But so far from what I’ve heard and read…

Things got better for Killers, that’s good. The cube is gone. But apparently camping gets more, let’s say… appealing? since the reward can be insanely good with a high chance. The engram system had those problems since it’s beginning (I know that too well, this maddening feeling from getting solo tunneled and camped with the killer getting over 32.000 points from only that is still inside me). It's way better now but I still think it’s not good.

Over all I just have the feeling that we still suffer the same problem but things just swapped.

Cause now Survivors have a tough time to play this game. I just read that you suffer bloodpoints when you do teamplay. That the usually 100 BPs or sth from repairing a gen get devided when you repair with someone else and there are no extra points. And that’s in a game THAT’S KINDA MUCH ABOUT TEAMPLAY.

And I get it. I get it. Killers have a better life now. All Killer mains where treated so bad for such a long time. But it’s just shitty that survivors are now the ones who are suffering. Even me as a survivor main highly disliked the killer cube and I must say it was another reason why I didn’t want to play as killer. In my opinion they should have just changed that to the better, change the survivor BP system so you won’t just double pip almost only from chases then everything would be perfectly fine. But no, let’s release a system way too early that we didn’t even really test. Just watch the last dev stream in which people pointed out valid errors of this system and the devs had no real answer to that(Quote: cleansing dull totems don’t help the team so you get no ranking from it, but what about NOED, uhmmmmm). Often I question if they have people who test out their updates and by that I mean everything that’s possible without missing any details.

Anyways, I have to play the update myself. I just tried to hop into a game with a friend of mine. It didn’t work. Idk if it’s a bug or sth, or if my Inet just sais no. If that’s the case I could play the update only after April 19th. Rn I wait for the 15GB of the Overwatch Event to download. My new passion Pocket Camp works good, maybe that will be the new shit. Who knows. *kinda done*

I can just say that I do not have a clear opinion about the new system yet. Tho I must say that my view is still rather negative and filled with concern… like always.

I’d appreciate tho if ya’ll, my dear DBD community, could flood me with your opinions and experiences about the new system. No matter if you’re survivor or killer main or if you play both. I really REALLY want to hear your thoughts.

( o°w°o)/

[actiasteeth]

♛ ryan/david

Who’s more likely to find who wearing their clothes?: david is more likely to find ryan in his clothes

Who enunciates hand holding?: both

Who likes having their hair washed by who?: david??

Who likes to slow dance?: are they slow dancing to david’s emo ass mix cds lmao,,,, but like honestly neither of them but i’ve still got this image of them in my head where they’re either parked in like the middle of nowhere or an empty parking lot,, windows are down and the radio’s still running and they’re standing outside sharing a Real Soft Moment foreheads pressed together hands on necks hands on waists slow slow kisses subconsciously swaying to the song playing i’m weEPING

Muse that’s more likely to fall asleep with their head in the others lap?: david prob but contrary to popular belief ryan’s not above this either

Muse that does all the cuddling in a blanket fort?: david,, ryan can stand approximately five (5) minutes of cuddling before he’s fidgety and needs it to escalate or end

Who hogs most of the covers at night?: ryan

Muse who nuzzles the others shoulder to get them to give them a head rub?: uhhhhhhhhhh david

How do they share a desert? Two forks or one?: two but since ryan is fucking gross he’s making jokes abt ““just come here and let me spit it in ur mouth it’ll be so cute #relationshipgoals”

Who gets jealous more easily?: daaaaaaaaaviiiiiiiiiiiiiiid

Who gets angered more easily?: r y a  n

How do they go to sleep at night?: probably like,,, whole hours after the Average Person,, they make a conscious decision to go lie down in bed instead of passing out in front of the tv but end up just lying there for a while talking abt pointless shit or playing little games like would u rather or never have i ever or 20 questions or truth or dare etc until they get tired enough to start dozing off 

Who gets the most shoulder rubs?: david

What are there arguments/fights like? How often do they fight?: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa when are they not fighting honestly???? they take these things that could probably be discussed civilly and worked out and blow them tf out of proportion,, someone is probably gonna cry (((see: david))))),,,,, there was this one time david Literally Died????? kind of an overreation if u ask me but i still support him

Who is more likely to throw things in fights?: ryan won’t straight up Throw things (((at least not when david is around)) but he’s broken things a few times rip,,, ghost!david on the other hand,, i can’t speak for

How do they make it up to each other/apologize after an argument?: i mean,,,,,,, as their relationship has dragged on ryan’s more or less accepted it as a lost cause but,, unless he’s in like a moOD and a hALF he still gets rly fuckin affectionate and soft w him,,,, obvs he’s gonna try and get in on the whole make-up sex ordeal b/c,, like,,,, come on,,,,,,, but when it all comes down to it it rly is abt making david feel good and feel loved b/c despite everything in him telling him they should just call it off,, despite the fact that maybe it doesn’t seem like it sometimes,,, idEALLY,, ryan still wants them to be ok,,,,,,,,,, sometimes ryan will take him for a drive,, maybe they go get ice cream or some shit maybe ryan drives him out to the middle of fuckin Nowhere and leaves him there and they do some cliche romantic shit like stargazing wHO CAN SAY,,, other times they’ll just stay in and ryan will turn on a docu series or sth he thinks david might like and love on him lowkey in the meantime

Do they have nicknames for each other?: they turn insults into terms of endearment tbh,,,, ryan also calls david some rly obnoxious sappy / inappropriate shit in front of other ppl just to be fucking embarrassing

Caring for each other while ill, how does the other muse go about it?: ryan gives negative fucks abt catching w/e david has (((but catch him being whiny and miserable when he Does end up sick))))))),, he’ll hang around and make sure david doesn’t get too bored or lonely and that he has what he needs,,, he keeps making david spicy ass soup like “““U GOTTA SWEAT IT OUT”,,,, keeps tryin to make him tea but he can’t brew a good cup of tea to save his life,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he’s trying his best

Who’s more likely to be patching the other’s wound?: ryan lol

Muse that says ‘I told you so’, after they come home from the beach and other muse is burnt to a crisp while whining how bad it hurts for not listening and putting on sunblock after the other muse repeatedly told them they’d get burnt?: ryan

Your otp has a newborn baby, who gets up in the middle of the night when he/she cries?: Unrealistic

Your muse’s reaction to finding the other crying about something? And how do they make them feel better?: ryan is p much Bad at the whole comfort thing but he hates hates hates when david cries,, especially if they’ve been fighting that’s ryan’s breaking point where 9/10 times he just gives it up ((((not that he’ll actually own up to it and give an Actual Apology beyond like ““i shouldn’t have said that / i didn’t mean it”“““ at least not right away but—)))))),, expect long hugs and lots of touching in general in an attempt to soothe him,,,,,, if david’s upset abt sth that has nothing to do w him tho expect equally long hugs and attempts to make him laugh

What would they be like as parents?: they’d both be trying to be the Cool Parent™ and their child(ren) would be Out of Control as a result,, good thing they’ll never get a chance ha ha !!!!!!!!!!! not that they would have ever made it that far anyway rip

What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts?: when he was younger ryan latched onto anyone that showed him any level of softness so,,, while idk if they would have been ““sweethearts”“““““ necessarily i think they could have been good friends that eventually grew to fulfill the whole friends-to-lovers narrative,, ryan would’ve loved to have someone like david around when he was growing up and i feel like that would’ve contributed to them having a much healthier dynamic now b/c like,, then david would have known a version of ryan that wasn’t so jaded lmao

Who enunciates taking a bath together?: honestly??????? idk

Who likes who playing with their hair?: i would venture to say david is the one that likes it

The place they mostly likely accidentally fall asleep together?: probably the car???????? not rly accidental but like if they go out on a drive somewhere and they get too tired to wait until they get back,, one of the few instances ryan will tolerate deliberate extended cuddling is so they can both lie down in the backseat

[jungblue]

ahh the new chapter of fh was so good! it was really depressing tho ????? like i really feel bad for jimin bc he is so nice and caring but i really want y/n and jungkook together 🤷🏻‍♀️

it’s okay! i understand wanting her to be w jungkook more, just like i understand people who want her to be w jimin more!

Anonymous Said: That awkward moment where you've been Team Jimin this whole time but between part 5 and part 6, you fell in love with Kookie and now you have to question your loyalty! I love how happy Kookie was when he told Namjoon that OC was back but I don't want Jimin to get his heart broken because he is so great!

ahaa yeah pt5 tends to get people to question their choice a bit since you get to see things from jk’s perspective. but it’s fine to switch back and forth - that’s actually what i aim to do if i’m being honest lol

Anonymous Said: FUCK I'M BOARDING TRAIN JIMIN NOW ASKDJJDKWKKSLS I HONESTLY STAYED TEAM JUNGKOOK UNTIL PART 5 BUT I THINK I'M MOVING NOW... MY BIAS IS JEON JEONGGUK BUT I'M LOVING JIMIN MORE IN FH WTF IS WRONG WITH ME 

interesting! most people tend to go towards jk after pt5, but you also got to see a new layer to jimin in pt6 so i get that switch as well! and it’s okay if your bias isn’t the one you support - it is just their faces w made up personalities after all!

Anonymous Said: You really make it so hard for me to choose between Jimin and Jungkook. After seeing a different sides of Jimin, being insecure and jealous and so how still managed to be so considerate and caring... can you get another man as perfect as Jimin ?! I feel bad that I still think Jungkook and Y/N are ment to be :( 

no that’s okay! there’s obviously a reason that you still like jk. it could be bc you have first boy syndrome like i tend to have in things like shoujos and manga lol. but i’m also glad that you appreciated this new side of jimin where he showed that he isn’t always sure of himself like he lets on ;;

Anonymous Said: I am rooting for Jungkook! I feel like i am he only few who are right now tbh. The only thing for me to 99.9% be on Jimin's side would be if Jungkook has a child. Can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be for Y/N to see the guy she loves so much having a kid with someone else, whether it's an accident or not.This is probably the last straw for Y/N to finally moved on from Jungkook for good. As painful as it is for me to say, I know Jimin will treats her as well if not better than Jungkook.

no i promise there’s plenty of jk supporters! just see everyone else on this comp ask! i’d say it’s pretty 50/50 for the most part! and yeah that would be quite difficult to deal with on the oc’s part. but we’ll just have to see how everything works out once the secret is revealed, and in turn how the oc / jk / jm handle it!

Anonymous Said: i just read all six chapters of fh sinece everybody was talking bout it and IM A MESS OK IDK WHOS PART I SHOULD TAKE LIKE JK OR JM SKWKZBKDDNKFNFKF IM WHEEZING I FEEL SO BAD FOR JM LIKE SERIOUSLY I KINDA WANT OC TO END UP WITH HIM BUT I HAVE SUCH A BAD FEELING THAT HES GOING TO BE HURT??? BUT YET I FEEL OC SHOULD JUST GO TO JM CAUSE IT FEELS LIKE EVERYTIME OC IS OUT OF JKS SIGHT HE GOES TO FUCK THW BRAINS OUT OF CHICKS. it took me HOURS to read all six parts AND IM A SOBBING MESS NOW THANK YOU.

gahhhhhhh thank you this was so nice! but as for the last part about jk fucking around, i guess i should specify that jungkook would never cheat on the oc. as he tried to explain in pt5 what he did once he got to seoul was more so to just mask his pain, and they weren’t together anyways so i don’t think you can fault him too much for that. but i’m glad you liked jimin’s character! and thank you so much for taking the time to read it!

Anonymous Said: Hiii! Love your stories, amazing writing 💝 But can I ask you sth? Will Y/N end up with Jimin or JungKook? Or is it sth you want to surprise us with? 

yes definitely a surprise!

@awesomekittycollecter said: hi~ OKAY, I LOVE FUTURE HEARTS BUT I KIND OF WANT THE OC TO GET BACK WITH JUNGKOOK AND SOMEONE NEW COMES INTO JIMIN'S LIFE AND THEN HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH THE NEW PERSON SO THEN BY THE TIME THE OC REALIZES SHE LOVES JIMIN,HE'S ALREADY HAPPY! I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS THE ENDING I LOVE

that would be so sad and wishy washy on the oc’s part, but that’s okay. we all have our versions of what we want to happen!

Anonymous Said: That awkward moment where you've been Team Jimin this whole time but between part 5 and part 6, you fell in love with Kookie and now you have to question your loyalty! I love how happy Kookie was when he told Namjoon that OC was back but I don't want Jimin to get his heart broken because he is so great! 

Anonymous Said: i want her to end up with both :((((( jk and jimin are such lovable characters!!!!!!!! shes lucky to have met two people who love her a lot 💖😣

ahhhh yeah that would be so much simpler w way less heartbreak :”)

Anonymous Said: TEAM JUNGKOOK AS ALWAYS

Anonymous said: PLEASE LET THE OC BE TOGETHER WITH JUNGKOOK IM CRYING

sorry anon i can’t promise anything :”)

[queensofmystery]

Re: this post

#because you already do all that with someone else #back when he made all the ‘you’re not meant for a normal relationship’ to Joan I started hoping against hope #that it would lead to them developing a platonic romance where maybe they would seek sexual relationships with other people #but emotionally they would fullfil each other’s romantic needs #and now it seems like they’re actually doing that #sort of #like Sherlock is a 100% up for it but Joan isn’t #(also we all know tptb wouldn’t really do it) #and it pains me cause it would be so great (via @margoleon)

Gloria. Gloria write it. You know what, me, you, @disheveledcurls, we’re all thinking variations of the same thing - polyamorous Joanlock. Queer platonic, aromantic, asexual, a combination or none of those things, polyamory is a thing with these two, I just know it is. And they’re soulmates in every way who understand each other more than anyone else in their lives and we’re gonna write it I don’t even care.

Also I could go off on a Watsonian rant on why Joan feels differently than Sherlock, but that ties into the whole jealous!Sherlock thing that I still haven’t been able to organize my thoughts on, so for now I’ll just say: The emotional angst and repression between these two is the most infuriating wonderful thing to ever grace the small screen IMHO and I am a disaster

disheveledcurls:

god, yes to all that. i can’t stop thinking abt where they’re going w/ this and i don’t want to hope but they’ve written themselves into a little bit of a corner here… i mean i’ll write the fic anyway but if they actually do anything that points to them becoming a “”“couple”“”“ (i’m using that term instead of referring to the concept of romance bc u know i think that word is useless for these two) in a polyamorous/asexual/aromantic way i’m going to cry actual tears of joy, ok. like –to be very cortesian abt it–, they’re already right on that edge, or at least i think LL and JLM are playing it that way. for sherlock to admit that he values his work mostly because of joan and then right after insist that he is what he does, is at the very least a strong indicator that his feelings for her are veering towards sth unclassifiable which doesn’t exactly fit in the category of friendship they already have. (and maybe it’s codependency and maybe it’s not but either way they need to talk abt it.) we don’t know what joan feels bc the writers give us nothing (which never ceases to be infuriating) but if i were her i’d be at least apprehensive abt starting a relationship if my last boyfriend died because of me and my best friend’s ex happens to be a psychopath. so idk!! realistically*, i guess by the end of the season we could be looking at a relationship that will be coded as "romantic” (i.e. w/ sherlock and joan as a “couple”, not dating other people or looking for a “romantic” partner elsewhere) and asexual/platonic (with the implication that either or both of them could be looking for occasional sexual partners elsewhere). i don’t dare hope for more. but i guess they could give us this much if it were left on the subtextual level. clearly, they’re not brave enough to come out and openly give us an asexual/aromantic interracial couple. (and particularly this couple, since they’re so //adamant// on respecting the canon all of a sudden. #yourracismisshowing) but even if it’s implied, even if it’s subtext, it will be important and i will embrace it.

if they were good writers –paging the people who wrote s1 please, wherever they are– this would naturally tie into the question of the growing rift between sherlock and joan abt their professional lives, as posed by 5.04 (and 5.01 of course), bc clearly for them the personal and professional are impossibly intertwined. if they were good writers, this would lead to a) an unearthing of the pain joan has been delaing w/ (or rather, burying and denying) for years, with sherlock stepping the f*ck up to help her address it as she has done for him in the past, b) an open discussion of their careers and a renegotiation of their partnership so that it’s fulfilling and right for both of them (it has to be their world not just his), which could possibly involve joan going back to medicine in some shape or form in addition to her detective work, and c) a renegotiation of their partnership on a personal level, i.e., can they take it any further in any direction, and if so, how? or if not, are they happy with how they stand & satisfied w/ what they can give each other? i don’t trust these writers anymore, but at the very least some of this should come up throughout the season.

ange – i wanna read that rant. please write it. gloria, u keep on ranting too & write the fic. i’ll write my fic as well someday (i’m so slow i hate itttt).

*though also “realistically” they could literally give us the world bc these two love each other so much you could come back from a midseason hiatus telling me they got married for Reasons TM and i’d be down w/ it. again, they’re not gonna give us much, but they oughta give us something, especially if this  turns out to be their last season.

@disheveledcurls "If i were her i’d be at least apprehensive abt starting a relationship if my last boyfriend died because of me and my best friend’s ex happens to be a psychopath.”

Rocío I’m so glad you said this, because yes I’ve considered how Joan’s traumas affect her complete lack of a dating life but /of course/ they would also affect any consideration of her deepening her relationship with Sherlock in any emotional capacity. I wonder if she’s even considered it consciously or if she’s buried that want along with the pain of her traumas so she can’t even properly recognize that’s something she would want.

Like, I just feel for Joan so much. I have to write with her because there’s so much she deserves that she hasn’t gotten. So much that I’m sure this fandom has already written the equivalent of several novels because her character needs and deserves that much consideration. As a writer and just, as a person who’s been through my own versions of loss, I want so much for Joan.

And like you I’ll write my own version of this amazing relationship regardless, but if this show even /comes close/ to implying that these two have more than a damn working relationship or a simple friendship, I will have some feeling of fulfillment. It will be small, but it’ll be something. Also #yourracismisshowing LMAO I agree sooo much but you knew that

[galimatios]

alister/alice/astrid/who the fuck are you revamp notes + new oc elias

actually it makes canonical sense if i made this oc as mary sueish as possible. i get to give them a ridiculously pretty and unrealistic name and wild tf out im excited. fuck it ill give them a sibling bc i want More

I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GIVE THIS CHARACTER DEPTH BEYOND BEING AN EDGY FUCK AND IM A LITTLE SHOOK BC OH NO i want to play with this idea of being put onto such a pedestal that it completely dehumanizes you... like youre being revered as superior but you... are still human and its still fucked up and unhealthy. you're loved for what you represent, not who you actually are its to the point where you no longer have a sense of self outside the function/role you've been assigned and once you lose that everything youve known comes falling apart breathes and i want to give them an older sib who received the same treatment but ran away sibling is high achievement, went to a prestigious school, had to fight his ass off to get away from family and works really hard bc if he does badly it jeopardizes his independence and he doesnt want to go back at all costs. he'd rather be homeless than at home he does very well in all things but its out of a drive to be completely independent of his family and he throws himself into his work and studies as a coping mechanism... very good at keeping up appearances but occasionally says some odd/alarming things hes still in the process of kind of figuring himself out and coming to terms w his situation? healing and such. he remembers the sibling he left behind and there is. a lot of regret there. but what can he do? he thought he was gonna die if he didnt get out asap meanwhile younger sib at home is just. a loose screw completely under the influence of their family. they do eventually end up leaving due to some.. kind of circumstance i think? but by then so much damage has already been done what if i just gave everyone in this e names just because idk im feeling like. names that start with vowels fsr i wanna name the boy elias bc it is. prety the younger sib maybe edelweiss originally but theres been a namechange at least once. MAYBE. or maybe an a or i name? hm i have to develop a ton of lore fuck. and research into some things to flesh this out but i have Fuckin. ideas. AND NOW IVE JUST REALIZED I CAN MERGE AN INCOMPLETE OC CONCEPT WITH THIS ONE. MY FIRST... EVER... OC.... FINALLY GETS A TRUE REVAMP after age 21+ , alister's aes is like tattoos everywhere. dyed hair. painted nails, makeup that looks. somehow. kind of esoteric. smokes heavily, drug addict, alcoholic, just Sincerely fucked. wildly incoherent fashion, looks like louis vuitton one day and goodwill the next genderfluid also, goes by alice as much as they go by Alister, volatile and erratic, people get the sense theyre always on the edge of something but dont know what it is existing is a constant battle of trying to dissociate away from having any real coherent thought i think the only time they have a respite is when theyre asleep elias feels horrible. he meets up with alister years and years later and realizes they're fucked beyond belief, and it was His Fault. they actively blame him for it. in other settings id probably give them a different name tho... not relevant rn but maybe sth with an i either way theyre super self destructive in every possible way and elias is trying to hold on for dear life getting them help ezra's presence complicates things bc theyre also ... both a victim and participant in old family's cult bullshit and ezra still perpetuates some of that toxicity even tho they largely do Nothing now its like just being there feeds into alisters false ego together its Pretty Bad bc they feed off eachother unhealthily and elias really wants to intervene but hes also dealing w his own shit and he isnt sure what to do. he needs a support system is what it is... INTRODUCES HIM TO OTHER OCS.... oh fuck found family

ELIAS... high achieving pretty boy but hes in this friendgroup of ppl who are wildly different ... he learns so Much from being around them though? i want him to have a convo with rosetta about her family.. underprivileged but deeply loving, and elias is like... oh that's how family should be. LAYS DOWN AND THINKS ABOUT SUPPORT FROM THESE PPL FROM DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE PUTTING THIS abnormal abusive shit into context and elias REALIZES so much from his friends. he. he has friends! dont think elias is that soft tho. i feel like he has some anger issues, occasionally sth will cause him to .. not necessarily lash out but the Danger in his eyes appear and basically you dont fuck w him. hes very determined. before friendgroup, absolute loner really competitive like his life depended on it, worked himself to the bone bc he needed an identity outside what the family assigned him and he shaped himself around his accomplishments which isnt healthy either but its what he did hes like this up until a few yrs after getting his masters degree in... something. its only when hes forced to socialize more for Being An Adult In Society and Not In College Reasons. then he meets a bunch of dropouts and post-grad ppl during some function?