#but i really wanted to have arwen as exhausted parents so

[adhd-merlin]

draft sneak peek

Merlin hears the crying as he approaches the door. No point in being quiet, then. He lifts the latch, pushes the door open and steps into the bedroom. Arthur is standing in the middle of it, wearing nothing but socks and his night tunic and a vexed expression, and bouncing his daughter in his arms in a manner clearly meant to be calming, but that Ygraine seems to find increasingly aggravating. Her hands are balled up in little fists, her face scrunched up in misery, and she is crying at the highest volume her small lungs will allow — which, it turns out, is surprisingly loud. “Good morning,” Merlin says, mainly to alert Arthur of his presence. He tries to keep his tone as neutral as possible. These days, Arthur can get snappish if Merlin greets him in a way he perceives as excessively cheerful in the morning, as if it were a personal affront. He must have failed in making his greeting sound sufficiently bland, or perhaps the words themselves are disagreeable to Arthur today, because he doesn’t even bother to reply. The glare he directs at Merlin says it’s evidently not a good morning, and it won’t be, and how dare he insinuate otherwise.

[elyarond]

*NOTE.    i have not read the silmarillion in it’s full context     ( the wording is difficult,   even for me. )    most of what i know has been told to me by @aeternitie​, @elyaros​, @finarfiniel​, @laurelote​, @luktiene​​, and @edhelgund​.    and everything else has been heavily expanded on with headcanons.    this post is going to be ungodly long,     but it will go over the span of elrond’s life,     and will dive in depth about my characterization of him.

following the attack of the havens of sirion by the sons of feanor,     with his parents   (  at least in his eyes,  )    dead,     elrond and his twin brother, elros,    were taken captive and raised by maglor.    as a child,    his only constant was quite literally elros,    and elrond relied on his brother heavily.     he was fearful of the world,     and everything in it.     you’d often find the twins together,     but elrond was always the one trailing behind.      elros was unbelievably protective of him,     and elrond was very much scared,    all the time.     his first,     strongest memory is of the attack on his home.      he does not remember much of his parents,     aside from feelings of love and care.     but as far as comprehensible memories,     he does not have them.

and truth be told,     even though maglor did his best to care for the twins,     elrond was still very much afraid of him.      same goes for maehdros,     though he was not as active in raising the twins as maglor was.

the twins were ultimately sent off to live with gil-galad    (   we won’t dwell too much on this,    but because of the fact that elrond is specifically mentioned being with gil-galad when the elves are allowed to return to the undying lands,    it’s pretty prevalent that elrond was with him as a child.     and because of corresponding headcanons with @elyaros​,     elros was as well.   )

because of their heritage,    the twins were given a choice.      whether to be counted among the kindred of elves or of men.       elrond chose first,     and ultimately chose to be counted among the elves.     his transformation would happen first,     and elros would witness this.       he had asked elrond to come with him to their father’s lands,     elrond would ultimately say no.

it’s good to now mention that elrond has never felt,    even before being given the option of making this choice,     as though he belongs among men.      his elven heritage is so prominent in him,     and it persuades his choice.      it’s also good to mention that elrond has...  a lot of trauma regarding his childhood and his upbringing by maglor,     and in his heart he feels that it will take him more than one lifetime to move pass this pain.      he makes this choice knowing his life will be filled with grief and heartache,     but ultimately knows that an eternity is what he is destined for.

that is not to say,     that he doesn’t visit numenor once it’s established.     and for elros’ life,     elrond is appointed as an ambassador on gil-galad’s behalf,     and resides in numenor with his brother until his death.      mind you,    there is no war happening at this time,     and gil-galad recognizes how strong the bond is between elrond and elros,     and recognizes elrond’s pain about having to be separated from him.      he’s ultimately sent on gil-galad’s behalf to congratulate the king on the birth of his son,    vardamir,     and once elrond is there,     elrond is appointed as the official ambassador for the high king of noldor.

he’s there for the birth of the next three children - and plays a very active role in their lives.      by this time,    he is already an established healer and loremaster,     and definitely passes his knowledge and stories down to his niece and nephews.      he indulges in their interests and often times just lets them be what they are,    children.    they are royalty,    yes,     but they are at heart just children trying to find a place in the world.     this never goes over well with elros and his wife,    ithildiren    (    found on @aeternitie​,    )     and elrond always feels a little guilty about it afterwards.      he just wants the kids to have a good time.

the death that he holds the most painful,     and most memorable,     will always be elros’ death.      it was in elros’ final years that he confided in elrond,     and even confessed that he felt that he chose incorrectly,      as he,     though mortal,     ultimately outlived many of the people he loved.      elrond reminds him that the other choice would have been no better,      as elrond will spend his life outliving everyone he loves - there really isn’t much difference in their choices.     elrond chose immortality because he knew it would take longer to overcome his grief,      elros chose mortality because he felt that being immortal would only grant him a lifetime of pain and suffering.      by the end of elros’ life,     i think they had found peace in each other’s choices.      no matter how different that choice was,     they loved each other.     

before we dive deeper in that,      it’s good to understand that elrond and elros share a very big connection to each other on a level much deeper than brothers.     as twins,    they are bound to each other.       they share the capacity to feel each other’s emotions, their feelings, can feel when another is in pain, etc.

this means that through all of elros’ hardships,     in the life that he lived that was filled with emotional turnmoil,      elrond shared in this pain as well.      and it is for this that elrond was always there for his brother,      as he was the only one who knew   exactly    how elros felt,     even when others truly thought they had him figured out.     many would believe elros to be emotionless,      but elrond knows it is not true.     where elrond is sensitive and open with his feelings,     elros is withdrawn and keeps his feelings locked down.      they are constantly feeling each other’s pain,    their joys,     their sorrows.       the bond can be cut off if one of them chooses so     (     and elros has done this     )     but for the most part,     that bond is allowed to exist freely.

elros’ death was not surprising to elrond,      he knew it was coming.     he could feel the weariness,     he could feel the exhaustion like it was his own.     he felt elros letting go and submitting to his death.      moments prior to his death,     elros had finally found peace with his life,     and elrond felt that wave of peace wash over him,      before that connection was severed completely.      

the loss of that connection serves as a constant reminder to elrond that he now,    in this world,     is alone.

once elros was gone,     elrond felt little tying him to numenor,     and promptly returned to gil-galad in lindon.      it was then that annatar came seeking entrance to lindon,     and was denied by gil-galad and elrond,      as they sensed something wasn’t right.      and the war of the elves and sauron would begin.

in s.a. 1695 gil-galad sent elrond to aid eregion.     elrond's forces came too late and proved too small to defend eregion.       sauron sent most of his army west to attack lindon, he left a strong detachment behind to contain elrond.      in two years eregion was lade waste and elrond along with the noldor survivors fled far north.      there, he established the stronghold of imladris.     imladris was home to many refugees in this war,      and though besieged,     was not under sauron’s control.     it was liberated by gil-galad and tar-minastir’s forces,     and once sauron was defeated this time,      imladris was established as a elvish stronghold,     and elrond himself was appointed to gil-galad’s vice regent,     where he would have the ring of vilya passed to him.

in the war of the last alliance,     he marched with gil-galad and elendil.     he witnessed both of their deaths,      and witnessed isildur cut the ring off of sauron’s finger,     destroying him,     and ultimately tried to ensure the rings destruction.     he was unable to do this,      as isildur refused.     and for those questioning why,      i’d like to remind the class that isildur is a descendant of elros.      elrond could not lift a hand to kill isildur himself.

with the third age,      he would marry celebrian - something he truly did not ever expect to do.    (    this is headcanoned with @elyaros​ and @aeternitie​.     )    he witnessed how ithildiren’s death destroyed elros,      and destroyed the progress he had made over the course of his life.     elrond was never looking for love,     he never wanted to feel that pain.    )

but then he met celebrian.     and it changed.      he never spoke of his love for her,     only once she had prompted that the she had feelings for him,     would he speak of his.      their courtship lasted   most likely,    close to a hundred years,      though the feelings for each other existed a lot longer than that.     for elrond,     it was the ultimate hesitance of love    (     as you read the reason above,    )     but once the mutual feelings were in the open,     he, of course, is all in.      elladan and elrohir are born in t.a 130,      and arwen would follow in t.a 241.

this is something i wanna talk about,      as @aeternitie​ brought it to my attention.     but the names of elladan and elrohir are something elrond chose for them,     and it is reminiscent of he and elros.      let me explain,    with direct quotes from rune.       

o Elladan is very clearly “elf-man”, which is a reference to Elrond and his children’s status as half-elven, but Elrohir has no confirmed etymology. Parf Edhellen lists “elf-knight”, or (literally translated) “elf-horse lord”, which is valid because horse lord/knight is “rochir” from roch “horse” and “hir” master, but... while the most obvious etymology, it’s not the only possible one.

Why? Because when you cut out the “c” from rochir, from roch, with Elrochir being an entirely possible name, it seems to me that... “rochir” is not what you had in mind in the first place. Anyway, if the first element is unambiguously meant to be “elf”, it could very well be spelled Ellrohir.

“El”, with one L only, is “star”, present in both Elrond and Elros. Which makes a lot more sense, considering how common it is for fathers to give their children names that contain an element of their own. (see Celeborn and Celebrían, plus lots of other people) In which case, “hîr” is still “lord”, but “ro” is a shortening of another word. Which word? Well, it could be rom (horn, trumpet), it could be ron (smooth by polishing), it could be a lot of words... including ross, “foam, spray”

basically, elrond named his twins after he and his brother,     and i will die on this hill.

anyway continuing on !

elrond raises the dunedain,     and takes in almost all of isildur’s descendants.     he maintains and preserves the shards of narsil,     and essentially raised these children like his own, in some ways.      but i do not believe elrond felt an outward fatherly protection over them,      nor do i believe they actually viewed him as a father.

i won’t go too much into the events of the hobbit and lotr,     because that’s all known and i pretty much abide by that canon.

NOW WE CAN GO INTO MY CHARACTERIZATION.

as kind as summer,     is a big thing.

he is always ready to welcome guests to rivendell,     we see this with the dwarves in the hobbit.     they were unexpected,     but he did not turn them away,     and he did not make them leave.    the dwarves were there for 14 days,     and he even offered to bilbo that he could remain in imladris if he chose not to go on with the dwarves to erebor.

he’s warm ! warm hugs ! warm smile !     he’s the embodiment of summer.

he’s.    the best dad.     though, for the amount of children he raised    ( i.e :     elros’ children to an extent,     isildur’s descendents. )    he is very stressed over his own children,     especially the twins.     they mirrored he and elros in a lot of ways,     and because of their antics,     he is constantly stressed.     but he loves those boys.

the boys are big mama’s boys,      and arwen is glued to elrond.     i accept nothing else.

he could have been a king,    but he chose not to.

no,    he doesn’t view himself above any of his people,     even though he is their lord.      he simply views himself as a protector of his people,     and would do anything to protect them.

he could have been high king of the noldor when gil-galad died,    but chose not to because there weren’t enough of the noldor left to need a king.

his anger is.... something else.

where elrond is summer,     elros is winter.     but their anger is the polar opposite.

elrond becomes extremely cold and icy when angry,     and his words to have a tendency to hurt,     even though he doesn’t intend for them to.

when pushed to the absolute end of his anger,     when he’s engulfed in it,     he’s explosive.     and stay out of his way.     it takes a lot to get him here,     and he’s only been pushed this far a few times in his life.      this side of elrond is essentially elros’ anger.

celebrian sailing  -  his sea longing begins.

this was by far the most horrific moment in his life,     and he had witnessed a lot of horrific things.      he was unable to heal her fully,     her physical wounds may have been healed,     but the scars on her mind remained,    and he could not touch them.

she figuratively took his heart with her when she sailed.      her absence has left elrond with very little cares about this world.     he isn’t outright heartless anymore,     he is known for his kindness and his compassion,     and he still has it.     but the only thing keeping rivendell in its state at that point is vilya.     he isn’t lifting a hand to make it better or make it prosperous,     it’s all the ring’s doing by that point.     it takes a lot of effort not to fade and die for him at this point,      but he is hellbent on following her into the undying lands once she’s gone.     he won’t give up.

arwen’s choice.

this also... destroyed him.     not only because it meant she would die,     but also because he knew he would not be around for it.   like with elros,     he wants nothing more than to be with his daughter until the end.

ultimately,     he accepts her choice.     he wants her to be happy,    and if this is what she wants,     he has no say in telling her she can’t have it.     if she wants to be mortal with aragorn,     elrond will not deprive her of this.

however,    once the war of the ring is over,     he knows he will sail.     he stays just long enough to see her wed to aragorn and become queen of gondor.

this hurts him deeply.     and his time in the undying lands is spent constantly wondering how she is,     what she’s doing,     what are her children like,     etc.

he realizes after a few centuries that she’s gone,     and now suddenly you have a very depressed elrond in the undying lands.

[silver-snow-writes]

The thing with Jaytim and a lot of cats

This is a not! fic campfire I did on a discord server that I’m porting over here, I hope y’all enjoy the fluff. @inkyubus and @salazarastark helped a bit towards the end

———————————————————————

Okay. Tim is canonically a cat person and it has annoyed the hell out of me that Tim never got pets but Damian gets a menagerie, so I always give him a cat when given the opportunity by plot

Tim finds a pregnant kitty on his fire escape, and takes her in. He’s calling on Selina and googling everything he can after processing that oh right this is going to be a big change, and goes out to the pet store incognito to grab supplies

But he’s at the Crime Alley theater house apartment so Jason is out doing an early evening patrol, spots him, and gets curious. What’s he doing around here in civvies?

Jason tails him to the nearest pet shop, and back to his house, where he spots him playing with soon-to-be mama cat. He wants to be mad that Tim’s in *his* territory, clearly living here, but it’s hard to get too pissed when he’s giving a happy kitty belly rubs and smiling like that.

Jason’s seen him do confident Robin grin, dangerous “I’m gonna fuck you up” battle smirk, calming civilians smile, even polite Wayne heir curve of the lips. But smiling joyfully like this, eyes uncovered, clearly laughing a little as the cat demands treats? Something goes warm in his chest

Meanwhile Tim is feeling tired and stressed bc his life is a busy exhausting and traumatizing mess lately but it’s hard to think about the bad stuff when he has mama cat and her litter to think about. She’s clearly been a pet before and is so friendly and cuddly that it breaks his heart to think someone abandoned her. He gets her to the vet to check for a chip and get her looked over, and when there’s no chip that cements his decision that fuck it, he’s keeping her

He totally names her Arwen bc there is no way in hell a kid that was a DM for DC’s D&D equivalent isn’t a fan of LoTR. Arwen has to get mites and fleas removed but once she’s flea free she’s sharing his bed

Jason. Is still keeping an eye on him, subtly. Staying out of range of Tim’s security systems and Babs’s cameras and telling himself it’s all because he can’t just let the Pretender go unsupervised in his turf. And sure that’s part of it. But Tim’s actually pretty good about sticking to patrolling his own territory and that helps somewhat

And well. Jason regrets what went down during that mess after Bruce died. Was kinda shitty of him to repay Tim letting him out of jail by stabbing him in the chest and all. He’s a big awkward goober dealing with some guilt now that he’s more settled, so he has trouble figuring out how he should approach Tim and let him know that Jason is aware that he’s holing up in Crime Alley

He’s gotta do something eventually, right? Ah well. Can’t hurt to just. Watch him, every now and then. See him through the windows being a goofy new cat dad and a disaster of a teenage vigilante

(Jason, honey, things really have come full circle)

Eventually things get set in motion. LoS assassins attack Tim’s apartment, Arwen runs away bc scared kitty, Jason jumps in to help fight the assassins and then they go track down the poor baby. And some bonding and pining bc Jason is developing such a crush and also hot damn Tim fighting and winning is a sight to see

Tim is understandably wary about Jason but willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when he’s being helpful and even offering to assist him in finding Arwen. She’s due to give birth soon!

(It’s been about a month now and she was already about midway through when Tim first found her. Domestic cats are pregnant around 57-65 days, so around two months)

They end up running around asking the ladies of the night and various others if they’ve seen a pregnant long-haired tabby cat. Eventually they go back to Tim’s apartment as dawn is breaking, only to find Arwen is on his fire escape again and in labor

They get her inside, clean up, and Tim sets her down in his bathtub, petting her soothingly and fussing over her. Jason is still helping out and he just goes with it, gratefully accepting a can of Zesti and medical supplies

I foster cats irl so I know how this tends to go pretty well. Within an hour of labor starting Arwen will finish pushing out kitten #1 and each of the rest will come around 15-20 minutes apart. She’ll clean them up and eat the placentas, which is gross but perfectly healthy, and soon enough they’ll be nursing from her while she purrs and rests

Tim looked into it and well. He’s been around human deliveries before and this was honestly so much quicker that it was a relief

(He was there when Steph gave birth and has likely helped deliver babies as Robin bc pregnant women can and will go into labor when shocked, like being held hostage or getting hurt in an accident)

He sits back with a sigh and pays his full attention to Jason now. He hasn’t been fully ignoring him persay, still keeping an eye and an ear on him just in case, but he’s been. Surprisingly nice and nothing but helpful, Tim isn’t sure what to think of it. Jason’s staring at the kittens but turns to look at Tim when he notices that the younger vigilante is assessing him

There’s a long moment of increasingly awkward silence as they stare at each other while the newborn kittens are mewling and Arwen’s drifting off to sleep. Jason is the one that finally breaks the tension, rubbing the back of his neck and looking back at the kitties.

“So. Pretty cute cats you got here”

Jay immediately cringes inside because yeah, it’s true that the cats are cute as heck, but c’mon Todd address the scenario

Here’s inky’s contributions:

"yeah real cute when they're covered in blood and placenta" tim retorts and then wants to smack himself.

"it's ok. they're still adorable through the bodily fluids," jason's smile is so fond when he looks down at the kittens tucked tight into the curve of arwen's body that tim thinks he must be dreaming

he's never seen jason with an expression even close to fond or happy since he came back. jason is stroking arwen's tail with just the tip of a finger, smoothing down the crooked fur.

(Back to me again)

He hasn’t seen him look so happy since he was. Since he was Robin, and Tim was just a fanboy with a camera

(Inky)

"you like cats?" the question breaks jason out of his reverie.

"they were just always around. alley cats are cranky fucks, but city strays are never that afraid of humans. they'd come around and beg for scraps until someone chased them off."

tim hummed, scritching arwen between the ears. "you were pretty good with her just now."

there was a tiny flush on jason's cheeks. "might have invited one in for a few days when no one was home. chased her off before she could get too attached."

(Me)

“I always wanted a cat, but my parents hated them and Alfred said no. I found Arwen on my fire escape hiding from a stray dog and I just had to take her inside”

Eventually Tim offers Jason a cup of tea and Jason asks about the cats more. Arwen’s name comes up and leads into a talk about Lord of the Rings, bc they both read the series and loved it. And a debate comes up over something they saw differently but it’s still friendly

Maybe Tim liked the movies’ take better than Jason did and they argue the merits vs flaws of the adaption. But they both agree that the Hobbit movies are way less faithful to the book

By the time they’re done with the tea and their conversation the sun is up and Jason ducks out to go home, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the memory of Tim smiling and laughing at him. Tim is reminded why he used to have a crush, but still very watchful bc he thought things were getting better before BftC happened

He goes to sleep and wakes up to Arwen balefully glaring at him bc her breakfast is late

Tim got injured during the LoS fight and aggravated it while looking for his poor kitty, so in the end he’s not really up for patrol that night. He stays in his apartment and alternates between looking over case files on his laptop and checking on Arwen and her babies. He lets Oracle know he’s off rotation for the night and to let Cass patrol his territory bc she’s visiting, and settles in to do some hacking to find out why Ra’s sent the assassins last night and talking with Lonnie about Unternet developments

He’s in the middle of hacking a phone’s datastream to find footage taken by a teenager that noticed skulking shadows outside the windows when there’s a knock on his window, and he checks his security system expecting one of the Bats to have gotten past his sensors. It’s Jason out on the fire escape with a couple of bags in hand. Tim is confused, but decides to roll with it again. He’s just hoping that the duffle isn’t full of heads

Turns out Jason went looking and found the League’s newest base in Gotham, liberating some paper files, a couple choice weapons, several USB drives, and a laptop that had belonged to the squad leader. He offers to let Tim work with him on this because he wants “those sycophantic assassins out of my territory dammit” and obviously Tim’s involved anyway

They both check on the kittens every now and then. They’re still too little to be doing much but nursing, sleeping, and crying, but god are they precious. And Arwen is a tired but proud mama cat

Now let’s see...Arwen’s a long-haired brown tabby with green eyes (not at all based on my baby Zelda, of course *shhh*). The kittens will be named after the Hobbits—Frodo the black kitten with big blue eyes, Sam the ginger tabby, Merry is white with golden patches, and Pippin is the tiny little tabby runt that mewls loudest

At one point Jason picks them all up and makes a joke while carrying the four of them that they're taking the hobbits to Isengard. It makes Tim snort and then wince bc the injury that kept him in was to his ribs

Tim gets sick. Not like immediately but a couple days to a week or two in, and Jason ends up playing rough but sweet nurse while Tim tries to hide that he’s ill from the Bats. Maybe the ribs issue leads to him getting a cold that nearly turns nasty bc no spleen plus two incidents of death plague and numerous other things mean his immune system’s wonky

Tim’s a stubborn little shit who won’t stay in bed unless Jason picks up Arwen and the babies to put them on the bed with him. He’s not cruel enough to move the babies when they’re sleeping on him, is he? But he can still glare at Jason

Jason might sneak a few pictures. For blackmail, he tells himself. Sure Jason, we believe you. It’s certainly not because it’s adorable and makes you get the warm fuzzies

It feels significantly less adorable when Tim pukes in the trash can and drips snot everywhere but the bedhead and flushed face and some semi-coherent feverish babbling about Star Trek and ornithology helps

Jason remembers Alfred’s cooking lessons and puts them to use, Tim lets out an obscene moan when he starts eating the soup that makes Jason choke on his own spit like a dork

“Did you get this from Alfred? It tastes just like his!”

“Yeah, he taught me how to cook, before...y’know.” Jason is very proud of himself for remembering it correctly, if a bit sad that he hasn’t spoken to Alfred since before he died

“Oh.” Tim blinks owlishly at him, unsure how to respond. “Well. You did a way better job than I would have.”

Arwen chooses that moment to demand attention, meowing stridently and rubbing her face against his hand until he goes along with it and scratches lightly under her chin

———

And that’s all, folks. Will eventually turn this into a proper fic and give it an ending, but I hope y’all enjoy it as is for the moment

[milomeepit]

Diamond In The Rough: Chapter Fifteen

Roman has always wanted better. Has always believed that there’s a better life, a better world, just out of reach. Just beyond the veil of shitty teachers who don’t care, angry classmates that scream insults and slurs at each other all day, and drug-hazed parents who are more concerned with their next hit than looking after their ten year old son.

When he runs away after a particularly bad night at home and finds a quiet little cafe/bookstore tucked away in a back alley of the city, the sweet couple who run the joint (an odd pair; a quiet, gloomy man with a wry sense of humour and a cynical gleam in his eye, and a bouncy man who smiles like sunshine and laughs like a storybook king) help show him that maybe- just maybe- he really can have the life he always dreamed of.

Masterpost (to be added soon!)

Word Count: 1576

Chapter Warnings: CPS, crying, court, lawyers,

The next couple of days were a blur. Roman remembered bits and pieces, but it was so hard to focus. Logan was almost always by his side. He remembered Logan offering him food, which he took, and clothes, which he didn’t. He was terrified of losing his jacket in one of the large grey buildings Logan led him in and out of. People talked at him all the time, long words, words he didn’t recognise, and Logan would help explain to him what they meant.

Something he did remember quite clearly during those days was one afternoon, when he sat outside an office while Logan spoke with a dark skinned woman with fluffy, long brown hair. She wore a green dress, much more casual than most of the other workers, and teased Logan with a playful grin. Roman really wanted to play with her hair, but she’d laughed and ruffled his hair and told him maybe later. She seemed nice.

Another worker had come over to him and started asking questions. Roman was so tired, and he didn’t know this man, and when he had refused to answer, the man had started to scold him. The exhaustion of the past few days bubbled over, and he’d burst into tears. Before he’d known what was happening, the man had been backing away, and Logan’s arms were wrapped around him. He’d clung to Logan, sniffling, and mumbled apologies.

“It’s more than alright, Roman. You’re doing absolutely wonderfully, and I’m so proud of you,” He’d murmured. “You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. I’m sorry.”

Roman decided that Logan might not be so bad, after all, during those days.

One morning, when he was already awake but still lying in bed in Logan’s spare room and cuddling Arwen, Logan knocked on the door and poked his head in. “Well, today’s the day, Roman,” He announced in a dull voice. “When all the fun begins.”

“That is... the least enthusiastic tone I’ve ever heard in my life.” Roman replied as he sat up. “What are we doing? More interviews?”

“I wish.” Logan sighed. He came over and sat on the edge of the bed, then continued. “We have to go to court today. We need to sort out the details of what happened with your parents, and where you go from here.”

Roman stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, there’s a strong possibility you’ll be placed into the foster care system, for one,” Logan chewed on his bottom lip. “Although...”

“Although?”

Logan cleared his throat. “There has been someone who has put up their hand- or hands, rather- to apply for a guardianship order.”

“What does that mean?” Roman asked, bewildered.

“It means that, if they pass the necessary checks, and you want, they can become your legal guardians.” Logan explained.

Roman’s heart skipped a beat. “Who?” He asked. He hated the note of desperate hope in his voice, but he knew that Logan already knew what he was thinking when the man chuckled.

“A certain baker and his barista.”

“Yes!” Roman bounded off of the bed, landing on his feet on the smooth floorboards and already heading for the door.

“Hey, hang on!” Logan called after him, stifling a laugh. “What about breakfast? Getting dressed? And poor Arwen, left abandoned on the pillow without even a goodbye?”

Roman paused in the doorway and looked over his shoulder sheepishly. “... Oh, right,” He flashed Logan an embarrassed smile.

Not long after- but certainly not soon enough, in Roman’s opinion- they were walking into another large building. Roman didn’t recognise this one. They rode the elevator up several floors and walked out into a large hallway with wood panelling along the walls. Large glass windows showed off the streets below, and sunlight beamed in. Seats were bolted to the floor in uniform rows along one side of the hallway, and several doors were set into the other wall.

Logan guided Roman into an alcove and talked quickly with the woman behind the desk. She nodded, gave him some paperwork to sign, and went back to typing on the keyboard in front of her as they spoke.

Roman didn’t pay much attention to their conversation. Instead, he stepped back out of the alcove and looked around the room again, this time focused on the people milling around the hall. People sat clustered together, parents and children and siblings in groups. Some nursed paper cups of tea and coffee, others talked amongst their group, and some just stared off into space. Roman felt bad for those people. He recognised all too well the hollow exhaustion that seemed to drip from them.

“Hey, there, kiddo!” A voice behind him greeted cheerfully.

He jumped slightly and turned to find himself nose-to-nose with a man bobbed down in front of him. “Oh!” Roman took a step back in surprise, bumping into Logan.

Logan put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright, Roman. This is Emile. He’s here to help you out today,” He explained, and Roman didn’t miss the note of amusement in his voice.

“Sorry for spooking ya, Ro,” Emile apologised. He stood, and Roman peered up at him. He wore a tan suit with a pale pink tie, and chunky glasses. His smile reminded Roman of Patton, and he relaxed a little.

“It’s okay, I’m fine,” Roman replied. “So... what are we doing?”

Emile offered a hand to him and, after an encouraging nod from Logan, Roman took it. “See, I’m a lawyer, kiddo. My job is to talk to other lawyers and a judge to work out a solution for situations where people need some help.”

“Oh.” That made sense, Roman thought to himself as Emile led him into one of the smaller doors. It was a small room, with a table and a few chairs. “So, if you’re my lawyer, who else has a lawyer?”

Emile sat down and gestured for Roman to do the same, then pulled out a notepad. “Well, your parents have a lawyer. Not sure who, but I’m sure they’ll be fine. It might be Melissa. Melissa is nice.” He tapped his pencil against his chin.

“Okay,” Roman nodded. His stomach turned at the idea of having to see his parents again. He really hoped he could just stay with Emile and Logan.

Emile seemed to sense his discomfort and reached out to squeeze his hand. “I think Duck’s here, too,” He added. “He’s going up to bat for the Sanders.”

Roman perked up at that. “Patton and Virgil are here?” He asked, a little louder than he intended, then blushed.

Emile beamed. “They sure are, kiddo!” He paused, picking up his pencil again and resting the tip of it against his notepad, which Roman now noticed was covered in a print of cartoony gemstones. It was pretty. He made a mental note to ask Emile where he’d gotten it later. “So... what do you want to happen today?” He asked, his voice a little more serious now.

Roman was quiet for a moment. “I don’t...” He started before trailing off. “I want to... I don’t want to go back home.”

“From what I’ve heard, I wouldn’t, either, buddy.” Emile offered him a sympathetic smile. “Where do you want to go?”

Roman fiddled with Arwen’s arms, his gaze dropping to the table. “I... are Mom and Dad gonna go to jail?” He asked.

Emile frowned a little. “Well... they haven’t technically broken laws, not that we’re able to address here, anyway. But it’s pretty obvious to me that they can’t take care of you, and that you aren’t happy living with them.”

“Oh.” Roman felt like he was saying that a lot today. He didn’t know what else to respond with, not with all of these confusing thoughts running through his head. He didn’t want to go home, but he did love them- at least, he was pretty sure he did- and thinking about it all made his head hurt.

Emile cleared his throat and shifted in his chair slightly. The fake leather squeaked quietly, and Roman wondered how many people had sat in this room, with similar situations. Situations that seemed impossible to think about, let alone fix.

“The Sanders are applying for a guardianship order. Do you know what that means, Ro?” He asked.

“It means, like... they want to adopt me, right?” Roman replied slowly, remembering the conversation he had with Logan that morning. “And... I’d go live with them? Permanently?”

Emile nodded. “If you want to, yeah.” He scribbled something down on the notepad before looking up at Roman again. “... Do you want to go with them?” His voice was soft, and Roman’s heart squeezed tight in his chest.

Everything he wanted. It was right there, within reach, for real this time. Shiny and warm and soft and sweet. Scones and hot chocolate and blanket forts and storybooks. Jokes and bubble baths and movies and spaghetti. Hugs and kisses and Patton and Virgil.

Roman reflected for a moment on the past couple of months. It had been cold, and difficult, and sometimes it hurt, so much, but he didn’t regret a moment of it. Not if it had bought him here.

He blinked back the tears that pricked at his eyes and finally looked back up to Emile, meeting the lawyer’s gaze, and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I really do,” He whispered.

Emile smiled. “I think we can make that work.”

[actualmermaid]

Pieces of the Stars blooper reel

As I toil over the last 3 chapters (!!!) of PotS, I can’t help but think about what the drafts have been through over the past few years--specifically, some of the stuff that didn’t make the final edit, and why.

I thought about making this a grand retrospective once I posted the last chapter, but I don’t think the last bits will go through the same kind of shredding-and-reassembling process that the earlier parts did. And I also need to get some stuff out of my head tonight, so hopefully some of you will find this interesting. (PS this list is non-exhaustive.) Thing 1: My original concept for PotS included a prologue and epilogue. I got a few hundred words into the prologue before realizing that having it there was undermining everything I wanted to achieve with PotS, so I abandoned it and started with chapter 1.

The prologue started just after Arwen’s wedding, opening with Elrond having a meal alone in Pelargir and mulling over his sorrow and acceptance of her choice to become mortal when he happens to meet Maglor (still alive and currently a seafaring merchant) for the first time since his youth. Their conversation becomes a framing device for the rest of the story, which from the beginning is implied to be an adult’s understanding of the things he witnessed as a child and came to reconcile as he grew older. The epilogue picks up with them again after the end of the main story, and Elrond invites Maglor back to meet his family for the first and last time, showing that he still loves him even after coming to terms with what Maglor did in the past.

The main reason I got rid of this is that it took away almost all of the ambiguity I was going for regarding Elrond’s powers, Maglor’s eventual fate, the nature of mortality and immortality, and some other stuff. It wrapped it up in too neat a package. At the end of PotS I wanted to leave the reader still grappling with the questions that Elrond himself has as he comes of age—what exactly makes an elf or Man? How does he reconcile his love for Maglor and Maedhros with the knowledge of what they did to his family? What is the origin and extent of his psychic abilities? Will he ever see Maglor again? How about Elros? How about his parents? Why is he so uncomfortable with uncertainty? It’s messy, and giving absolute answers to any of it made that struggle feel cheap.

Thing 2: A “Maglor and/or Maedhros awkwardly explain the birds and the bees to the kids” scene seems semi-mandatory for E&E-come-of-age stories, so I started writing one, but abandoned it pretty early on.

For one, the humor in these types of scenes is almost always meant to come from the awkwardness, and I hate it when I get secondhand embarrassment from stories, so why would I inflict it on other people? Also, Elrond and Elros are farm kids. They know where babies come from. They might have some easily-debunked misconceptions (the early scene where they’re watching the hens with the chicks was funny because they think babies come from eggs and their mom is a bird, please laugh), but the general mechanics of reproduction are not a mystery to them.

The other reason why this scene wouldn’t work here is because I don’t write elvish society as prudish or awkward about sex, so making everyone act weird about it for laughs would be inconsistent with that. I'm much happier with having a couple of different scenes (like the pancake scene or the one where Osgardir explains the differences between elves and mortals) where the kids learn about courtship, gender diversity, and so forth as necessary for their character development instead of forcing an obligatory “birds and the bees” scene.

Thing 3: I planned to have Maedhros seriously attempt suicide at some point during Elrond’s apprenticeship, and Elrond uses his gift to save his life. I tested several different approaches to this and wasn’t satisfied with any of them, so eventually I scrapped that whole arc and several thousand words of prose. There was also an earlier bit when Elrond is experiencing visions and can’t control them yet, and he ends up seeing/experiencing a bunch of Maedhros’ past attempts, culminating in a terrifying vision where the floor was literally lava.

The biggest reason I cut this was that it was a plot tumor that contributed nothing to anyone’s characterization or relationships that I wasn’t able to distribute among other, more important scenes. Additionally, I was increasingly uncomfortable with assigning Elrond the role of Maedhros’ trauma-sponge in that situation. I know it’s really popular in these stories for Elrond to provide some psychological support to the Fëanorians, but IMO if it’s done poorly it’s just super dysfunctional and it’s awkward to see people act like it’s cute.

I’m much happier with the final edit and the implication that Maedhros is voluntarily working to keep it together for the boys’ sake. I also didn’t have to sacrifice the part where Elrond uses his gift to help Maedhros: I just drew on some stuff from my old fic “Reflection” and had Elrond experimenting with his gift to help Maedhros with chronic pain.

Thing 4: A whole character, Dúnith the herbalist, got fired. She was a green-elf and I liked having her around to explore cultural differences with the Noldor, but in the end, I spent too much time trying to explain why she was there and mentioning her in the background and I realized her entire existence was unnecessary. (I killed off Rythredion for the same reason--he served his purpose and I ran out of things for him to do, and keeping track of where he was got annoying.)

I was sad to lose a whole scene where she, Elrond, and Osgardir go foraging for herbs and Elrond gets poison ivy all over his whole body, but it moved nothing forward and was competing for space with more important scenes. She was also Osgardir’s friend-with-benefits, which was fun, but also unnecessary. All of Dúnith the herbalist’s necessary functions were very easily redistributed to other scenes and characters. The dwarf caravan, for example, brought news from the outside world and gave us an opportunity to look at cultural differences. The actual green-elf lore that Dúnith brought to the story went to Amrúnith, a pre-existing character with her own life, i.e. someone I didn’t have to micromanage.

Couple things I learned from all this:

you don’t have to include a scene or dynamic just because other E&E fics do

if you have to fight to explain why a character is there or why something is happening, seriously reconsider whether that thing belongs in the story

[fluffandfiteme-archived]

#JustKeepWriting 1/13/17

Not 15 minutes ago I was planning to go to sleep. Between the ping pong game the medical “professionals” are playing regarding my mother’s well being and my own matters, I have been drained and exhausted. An unrelated note, the death of diets is mothers. I haven’t given up on eating less, but today certainly took a hit.

But no, as I went into my mother’s room to say good night, she read a question of her social media site of choice-Quora, a privately run question and answer site. A single question ignited me, and now I must write on a topic I have before, and likely will again.

“What is a Mary Sue and how do I avoid writing one?”

I sucked in my breath before answering. You see, in my dozen years of dabbling in social circles based on movies, games, and shows I have encountered this term. It has been used to terrify young women who really want to write a character who happens to be extraordinary. Most often it was used to refer to fan created characters who appeared in fan fiction or role play, frequently pairing off with a pre-existing character and potentially changing the course of canon.

I mean not that that it doesn’t make complete sense that a new character of substance could change the course of a history. Because you know what? It really does.

It was usually used as a shaming technique on female writers or writers who created female characters. Often called overpowered, too perfect, too happy, and too tragic and angsty all at the same time.

Over the years, the name calling of Mary Sue has moved to canonical characters, in other words, characters in the main narrative by the same writer as everyone else who do appear in the work. A fresh example was regarding Rey, in Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. Before that, I remember Xion who appeared in Kingdom Hearts Days. Technically there’s a number in that title, but it was confusing and false advertising so everyone calls it Days. Bella Swan from Twilight and the character that was once literally her in fanfiction, Anastasia Steele from 50 Shades of Grey have both been called it. (Yes, I read it. Will probably continue to for research to further tear it apart and write alternate reality fiction. Who knows, maybe I’ll knock off 50 to expose the dangers and conflict caused by the so called romance).

During the brief questioning regarding Rey, I wrote on my old blog comparing her to Anakin and Luke Skywalker as they appeared in the previous trilogies. Except I did it without identifying any of them until after their scores were in. My scoring methods were simple: did they follow the core components of Wikipedia’s definition, and how high did they score on the Universal Mary Sue Test.

[The mentioned Quiz is found here ]

[The full posts can be found here and here

Shockingly of the three leads, Rey scored the lowest on both counts. She was the most balanced of the characters. Anakin was inching onto the Sue scale. And Luke was no holds barred.

But you know what the funny thing I noticed in my own experiences are?

I have never once heard someone call a male character a Mary Sue. Now, there is a term for it-Gary or Marty Stu. But I have literally never heard it used.

(I mean, there are characters that are just really badly written, but this is about the Mary Sue stigma used to keep female characters demur, weak, and undeveloped.)

Now, the wikipedia intro blurb defines a Mary Sue as:

“An idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character, a young or  low rank person who saves the day through unrealistic abilities. Often this character is recognized as an author insert or wish fulfillment.”

Author insert aside, because fuck you I have two characters that started that way but both of them and I have diverged and developed completely independent and because I write them well, no one could guess, and most enjoy writing against them in role play.

Idealized and seemingly perfection fictional character, often young or low rank who saves the day through unrealistic abilities.

Literally any and all Jedi could be shoved under this category.

Kingdom Hearts is literally full of lead characters and supporting cast fitting this classification-not to speak of Square Enix and Disney, the parent companies.

One could say Bella qualifies, given her unique resistance to vampire abilities, her teenage status, and how all the boys and girls lobe her.

The same cannot actually be said about her fanfiction counterpart, Ana Steele? I refuse to count 21 as young, she doesn’t save the day through unrealistic abilities, and she is not perfect.

But you know what? By that definite, Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, is a Mary Sue. He was a kid from Brooklyn, barely old enough to be drafted, if he had ever qualified. He was poor as dirt, so also of low rank. He has no real character flaws of note, Civil War not withstanding because that’s a separate issue but the narrative still displays him as in the right. And suddenly through the power of science, he becomes a super human and saves the world time and time again.

Or hey kids, how about Batman? Little Bruce Wayne is orphaned, but over the years trains and uses the family fortune profits to run the company, improve Gotham City’s socioeconomic structure, win multiple hearts and minds, and oh yeah, create an arsenal of super advanced and cool tools and weapons with a bat theme, including a car, a super computer, a suit, and a secret lab.

Oh! Aragorn! You know, the Ranger, Strider, Aka, Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, Isulder’s heir from Lord of the Rings? His mother literally died dropping him on the doorstep of the elves in Rivendell. Thus he became a human raised among them, and oh yeah, he’s a Dunedin (not sure how that’s spelled) with super ranger tracking abilities and extra long life expectancy. Not like elf long, but easily topping dwarf or Hobbit. Wins the heart of Arwen, then Eowyn, basically the only two female characters that aren’t Galadirel. Who by the way is Arwen’s aunt so that would be weird. He unites the previously warring peoples of Elves, different nations of man, and even a few hobbits and a dwarf. And I mean like literally the day before he gave King Theodan a pep talk, Rohan was of the mind Gondor could go screw themselves. And the elves had been completely indifferent. Oh, and lets not forget the special chosen prince totally not Excaliber sword he used to summon the army of ghosts that wiped out the entire force attacking Minas Tirith.

Captain Kirk. Even before the reboot, he was mister Captain Perfect Hair. He could do no wrong, and generally had a different lover interest every episode. And oh yeah, he was born in Iowa, pre reboot, a good old country boy.

Lets see, Marvel, DC, Fantasy, Scifi…

I feel like I need anime and video game examples next.

Bleach. An old favorite though some of the final arc decisions-well, let me be honest, the final pairing decisions, left me put off. Anyway. Ichigo Kurosaki is the lead character. Spoilers ahead for anyone not familiar. It turns out he’s a half Shinigami on his father’s side, half Quincy on his mother’s side, and a pinch of Hollow because house Isshin met his mother. Which means all three main races, that DO NOT GET ALONG THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SERIES, he is part of. Even at the beginning of the show, he’s got the ability to see ghosts and spirits, and seems to be able to take on entire gangs on his own. He is a poor boy whose father runs an urgent care clinic, and is guilt stricken constantly about the death of his mother. Which later becomes a major plot point like twice over to give him angst. Once given Shinigami powers, or once his powers awaken, he is an instant bad ass, having more abundant spirit energy then anyone has ever seen. Literally every time a rule is explained in Bleach, you know its purpose is for Ichigo to break that rule. And oh yeah, with the exception of the lesbian and his sisters, literally every female character of note who encounters Ichigo has a a desire or longing for him of some form. Rangiku might be an exception, but I know Rukia, Orihime, Neliel, and Tatsuki all have a thing for him. And yes, he saves all of existence pretty regularly.

Video games are rife with examples of this blatancy. Cloud Strife comes to mind, a well known character from Final Fantasy VII. Multiple unlockable date scenes, boy from the country, tragic story. Low rank, still saves the world with the power of friendship. (TELL ME I’M WRONG). But I will also cite a much older known character.

Mario. Mario of Super Mario Brothers, Mario Party, and Mario Cart. Among many others. He is a plumber, who accidentally found up in the Mushroom Kingdom through the pipes. There he learns he can crush enemies by jumping on them, double in size if he eats the right mushroom, and develop a number of abilities such as pyrokinesis or growing a tail and being able to fly. And of course, he defeats the dragon and saves the princess. Remember: he is a plumber.

Now here’s my point. All of these characters would fulfill the qualifications of a Mary Sue. But none of them have ever been called one. Why not? I assume because they each have a penis. (Except maybe Cloud. I maintain Cloud is a gender fluid female).

There is literally an anime out about a dude who wins everything in one punch. If it was a chick I guarantee it would not have gotten past an episode.

The point I am making here is: most stories feature a hero that starts at a low point of some form, be it tragedy, rank, or age. They may develop a love interest, and eventually save the world through extraordinary means. This is actually a skeleton that can be applied to almost any movie, book, game, or show.

But that doesn’t mean they can’t be enjoyed. I encourage you to keep loving Batman and Captain America and Aragorn, and everyone else I highlighted. What I also encourage is to compare a female character if she wasn’t female to Batman, Superman, Captain America, or Aragorn. You may find Mary Sue falls apart. I know I have.

I have a friend. A chosen sister. We butt heads for a while because I got so paranoid about making overpowered characters, I didn’t like writing with them-even if they weren’t mine. I’ve now realized that’s not the point. If you write a character well, and let the reader or viewer understand that through the narrative, that’s all that matters. Male, female, power level, rank, and number of love interests just don’t matter.

Mary Sue doesn’t matter.

Perhaps I’ll bring back Mary Sue Monday...