#demiromanticism

[zedif-y]

there are times i catch myself wondering. about love, about companionship.

i search for love in the places it makes sense to look: tucked under my pillow, in the laughter in your throat. in my mother's eyes.

i search for love where i'm told it's supposed to be. i search the depths of my pockets, the deepest corners of my wallet, slipped between loose change. i search for love between my teeth.

i search for love where i do not expect it to be, the places where it may never reach. i find a towel, and cover the mirror in shame.

the thing about love is that it is everywhere you think to look and everywhere you don't.

the thing about love is that you will never know what it looks like all of the time- it stretches, changes, molds itself like clay.

so the next time i search i find more of it, enough that i am drowning, enough that i wonder how i had missed it at all.

love sits in the reflection of my best friend's glasses, in the lines of my cousin's sketches, in the camera-snap of my friends. love is stitched into my dresses and wedged into my boots, written on my skin. love is in puddles and handwritten notes and little faces doodled into notebooks.

so there are times i catch myself wondering, and there are times i catch myself smiling:

i know where love lies, i think to myself, warmth in my chest. i don't even need to look.

[entropy-sea-system]

Demiro lgballt comic

(This comic is not about asexuality or demisexuality -I'm allosexual demiromantic)

(id needed) (tag us if you added an id to this)(edit : there is an id now check rbs)

This was before I realised Im demiromantic, when I was in high school, before the Romeo and Juliet unit in english class, my teacher asked us some discussion questions related to the story, including this one.

I thought 'love at first sight' sounded made-up and like something that only happens in fiction but I remembered I had known some people who got romantic crushes on ppl 'at first sight' so I went with 'yes', while thinking that I hadn't experienced that and probably won't.

I realised Im demiromantic last year, after thinking I was alloromantic then aromantic then greyromantic. In the past I thought I was demirose briefly then stopped using the label bc it didn't feel like me.

(-Rift)

[do not tag with ace / acespec / demisexual tags. This post is about demiromanticism. ]

do not repost, (can share this post link though), reblogs encouraged though

[demiro-allosexual-culture-is]

You know the promiscuous character you tried to write into an amatonormative and sex negative 'they have romance now so they are fixed' character arc?? They're demiromantic allosexual now, sorry not sorry I don't make the rules

[actuallyasexuality]

Don't worry, I eventually realized that demisexuality and demiromanticism are 2 different things

[adhd-coded-hedgehog]

My brain is literally incapable of understanding the notion that getting into a relationship with a friend is the absolute worst thing in the world.

Why?? Literally why is that so bad?

“Don’t date them, you’ve known them for years and are very close with them and know almost everything about them! You should date this person instead, because they’re hot and you’ve never interacted with them before.”

Like huh

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

people at demi people like 'oh that's just what people experience' like i cannot tell you how my attraction LITERALLY DOES NOT EXIST if i don't have some form of emotional connection

[violxtdreams]

Demirose + Psychiamoric

Demirose is a term used to describe those who don’t experience sexual and romantic  attraction until a deep emotional bond with someone is formed  first. In short, people who are both demisexual and demiromantic. The term is a portmanteau of demisexual and demiromantic, with the prefix demi- meaning half.

Color Meanings-

Black Triangle: Asexuality and Aromanticism

White Stripe: Emotional bonds

Dark-Light Purple Stripes: Development of sexual attraction

Dark-Light Green Stripes: Development of romantic attraction

Rose: For the puns

Psychiamoric is a term used to describe or refer to the attractions of those who are demisexual, demiromantic, or both (demirose). The prefix psychi- comes from the Greek goddess of the soul Psyche, and amor from the Latin word for love. Color Meanings-

Purple Stripes: Demisexuality + Demiromanticism

White Stripe: Emotional bonds, community

Butterfly: Psyche can also mean butterfly in Greek, and Psyche is sometimes drawn with butterfly wings. Butterflies can also represent transformation- in this case, the transformation from no attraction to attraction.

Note: I chose Psyche due to the myth of her and Eros implying that she didn’t fall in love with anyone until him, and they spent time getting to know each other. A source for this is the second section of this article. Also, Psyche was stated to be even more beautiful than the goddess of beauty and was the goddess of the soul- which can be interpreted as the soul being more beautiful than the outside appearance. To me, this fits being demi, as no primary attraction (appearance) is experienced, but we do experience secondary attraction (developing over time).

thank you for reading this ♡.

[amethystsnow]

interesting how my demiromanticism does not apply to fictional characters

with real people im like “eh i feel attraction towards them but not like romantic attraction, you know? just like sexual and… visual I guess” but then we get to fictional characters and im just like “holy fuck hobie brown i want you to hold me and cuddle me and love me for the rest of my fucking life”

[magic-ace]

You know, I wonder if anyone has performed any studies on a relationship between demisexuality/demiromanticism and the phenomenon of "celebrity crushes;" is it possible for both experiences to be true at the same time?

Demisexuality and demiromanticism rely on the development of a close emotional bond to facilitate attraction. However, I have been watching SNL for a solid while (yes, yes, I know, that is a crime of the highest caliber) and have been slowly developing the greatest absurd admiration for one of its comedians the world has ever seen. I want her to live with me and tell me jokes in the worst dark cottagecore home imaginable. I even watch her other comedic projects outside of SNL.

Is that a "celebrity crush?" And, if so, does it fall under the umbrella of demiromanticism? It took years for this "attraction to develop," and I felt as though I needed to know her work and personality better before liking her, but I do not know her or have a bond she could ever perceive. How does that fit the framework?

[when-youre-demi]

I just hate how, when shipping two characters who are quite young (like from 15 years old to 20 something like that) or even a canon couple in a story that is quite young, people always say how unrealistic it would be if those characters never had any romantic relationship before or never kissed anyone before, while I'm here, at 25, with no romantic/sexual experience, never kissed anyone. Just makes me feel alienated.

And before you go and say I'm not in the norm, I'm not the only one in this case, so even if it's not something usual, it's also not unrealistic.

[punksdocrimes]

Hey Aro Tumblr — there's this question that's been bugging me for months that I NEED an answer for. I couldn't ask it on Reddit bc I was site-wide permabanned for being too silly (said Nazis should be disheaded instead of simply disarmed 😧) and idk any other aro communities that I could ask. It only just occured to me that I could ask here.

OKAY SO - context:

I am demisexual. I have known this for a while. I need emotional and/or platonic attraction and connection before I can think ab having sex with someone. Sometimes I also just become completely detached from sex and don't want anything to do with it for a while. It's nothing crazy or groundbreaking — literally just demisexuality.

I have always felt this way sexually, but I never really considered that I could be demi until a friend came out as demi early last year and I was like "wtf that's me". I've been confident about my demisexuality since then.

So THIS is where it's relevant for you aromantic scrungly liches and prophets and wizards out there — for my ENTIRE life, I have always considered a strong platonic connection to be NECESSARY before I can think ab entering a committed romantic relationship. Platonic attraction is necessary for romantic attraction for me. It builds off of the platonic love.

This is considered demi-romanticism, right? I've never interacted with the aromantic community much at all because like, I used to consider myself hyper-romantic and the idea that I could be aro freaked me out in that "I'm not aro but oh God what if I am" existential kind of way.

Anyways — it never crossed my mind that demi-romantic was like... A thing.

However, I don't know if I'm actually demi-romantic?? Bc I have the same capacity for romantic attraction and love and yada as the average alloromantic, for me it just manifests from deep platonic attachment? IS THAT DEMI? Or do you need to experience romantic attraction in a noticeably lessened, weaker, or different way to be demi?

Idk if that makes sense I haven't slept in a day but like, I just want to know if I'm demi-romantic or not — even though I still experience the same potential for romantic attraction as an alloro, only that I need platonic connection to be built before romantic connection can be formed.

Tl;Dr — I want to know if demi-romanticism works in the same way as demi-sexuality; you can have the same desires, libido, whatever as the average allo or more you just require emotional and platonic connection before you can fuck

Thanks in advance I love you guys (platonically)

[zedif-y]

being demiromantic feels like being stuck on hard mode in a game where literally everyone else has the option to play on easy . the stakes are far too high all of the time

[eleiyaumei]

Rambling about aro, ace, aroace, demi Sesshōmaru

romantic attraction =/= sexual attraction, aromanticism =/= asexuality

For most people, their romantic identity matches their sexual identity (e.g. aroace, gay, straight, bi) but that doesn’t mean that they are the same. Alloromantic asexual people and aromantic allosexual people might be the best examples for this but it’s also possible to be heterosexual and panromantic.

As far as I know, alloromantic allosexual Sesshōmaru is the most common representation of him in fan works which makes sense because most people on the planet identify that way.

In regards to “proof” that Sesshōmaru might be one identity or another, in my judgement, there is none, neither in manga nor anime – not even in YH, which I do not include in this because for me, it is not canon. There are several instances where Sesshōmaru’s kind of feelings are ambiguous, especially in the case of Kagura, but none show explicitly that he feels romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. (If you disagree, feel free to let me know!)

So, in accordance with the “lack of proof on sexual and romantic attraction”, I interpret Sesshōmaru to be aroace. But this is influenced by me being ace and thinking in the pattern “asexual until proven allosexual”. Similarly, alloromantic allosexual people might think “allo/allo until proven otherwise” and see Sesshōmaru that way until he says something like “I am not interested in romance and/or sex” and that’s valid as well.

But 1) we can’t look inside his brain, heart or body and determine what he experiences

and 2) we as fans can headcanon him as whatever identity we like.

(I personally separate interpretation from headcanon for interpretation to mean “something that can be supported by the text” and for headcanon to mean “whatever someone imagines – whether supported by the text or not”.)

Interpreting or HCing Sesshōmaru as demisexual and/or demiromantic seems to be the best compromise for a lot of people, allo and aro-/ace-specs alike. Like, he ‘is’ asexual/aromantic until he forms a deep bond with someone and he then ‘becomes’ allo.

Demisexual/-romantic people, please tell me what you think of that wording because I’m not a fan of it. It reminds me of things allo people tell a-spec people, the whole “You just have to find the right person”, or of what supporters of Purity Culture want people to be like: Abstaining from sex, sexual thoughts, fantasies etc. until you marry and then having sex regularly to reproduce, pleasing your partner etc.

I’m also not fond of the wording of the common definition of demisexuality/-romanticism: “Experiencing sexual/romantic attraction after developing a strong emotional bond with someone” because it can make it seem like you automatically experience these attractions once you formed said bond when I don’t think that’s the case for most demi people.

I prefer the definition that I heard from a demi person (Christi Kerr), in the vein of “rarely experiencing sexual/romantic attraction and when you do, it’s towards someone you developed a strong emotional bond with”. [Source]

Demisexuality and -romanticism aren’t experienced in a monolithic way. Some might develop sexual/romantic attraction to every person they bond with emotionally, some might predict a possibility that they will develop attraction once they get close to a specific person and some might get close to people (with the hope/assumption that they’ll develop attraction) only to realize that they still don’t feel attraction towards them.

(As an asexual person who only experiences sexual attraction towards 1 fictional character, I’m pretty jealous of the first two groups. Like, “It’s THAT easy for you guys? GREAT. Wish that were me.” But I know that no experience is “easy”, people can still deal with unreciprocated feelings/attraction, fleeting attraction, and many other struggles.)

What worries me about people HCing Sesshomaru as demisexual/-romantic is the potential that some allo people only use that HC to fetishize/project their own fantasies onto the real identities of demisexuality/-romanticism. Like, they might accept the aro/ace parts only because he does experience attraction towards them/their OC(s)/the person(s) they’re shipping him with (and attraction is kinda a must-have in romance/smut works) and because it gives them a sense of relationship security, fewer reasons to get jealous towards people he’s interacting with.

But I have to be fair and acknowledge that people can separate fact from fiction and can see their fantasies as such. Though, I must admit, I’m pretty pessimistic about that since the spectrums of asexuality and aromanticism are not common knowledge and a lot of misconceptions are roaming about...

[demiro-allosexual-culture-is]

Demiromantic allosexual culture is not completely fitting in with allorose OR alloaro people due to your experiences and orientation

[actuallyasexuality]

Painted rubber ducks as my pride flags :)

[silver-ink-iron-words]

I know you've only just posted part 5, but please continue A Touch of Magic? I'm loving it!

That makes me so happy :)

Hope you like Part 6

-------

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

A Touch of Magic, Part 6

By the time their group reached an inn, Lysander was ready to fall from his horse.

He couldn’t remember a time he’d run faster than he had with those bandits on his heels, and while carrying another person no less. And once they were finally in the clear, and Lysander had checked that Gavin had no major injuries, they’d still had the long ride to contend with.

Lysander lowered from his horse, and held out his hand to Gavin. The other boy failed to notice, and dropped down on his own. He lifted his pack, hefting the weight over his shoulder with a grimace.

“I can – ”

But before Lysander could offer to carry the bag, Gavin was disappearing into the building.

He wondered for the twentieth time if Gavin was angry.

“Watching you two is painful,” a voice said.

Lysander turned and saw Duncan, one of his knights, leaning on the wall of the inn.

“Is that meant to be encouraging?”

Duncan tilted his head. “I’m curious, Your Highness. Was that your first kiss?”

Lysander straightened, face growing warm.

Duncan sighed. “I always disagreed with the king’s choice to never let you get involved with anyone.”

“I was destined to be with the enchanted child, Duncan. Courting anyone else would have been a cruel waste of their time.”

“But it means that you’ve had no practice. And now you don’t even know how to flirt with a boy.”

Lysander flushed. “I don’t need that kind of skillset.”

“Right. Because your stiff board strategy is working wonders for you.”

Lysander had a biting retort ready, but . . . maybe Duncan had a point. It would admittedly be nice to not constantly feel like he was messing things up with Gavin.

“Fine then,” he said. “Since you’re apparently so experienced, how would you flirt?”

Duncan grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

----

When Lysander entered his room, Gavin was already there tending to the fireplace. The prince noticed that there were two separate beds, and his shoulders sagged in relief. It was as though some merciful god had taken pity on him.

With a weary breath, he eased onto the nearest bed. He watched as Gavin worked life into the flames, before moving on to his pack. He pulled out clothes, his little leather book, a waterskin. He tossed the objects onto the blankets as he went.

“What’s in there?” Lysander asked, motioning to the book.

This had been Duncan’s first bit of advice. “Ask him about himself,” the knight had said. “People love to talk about themselves, and it shows that you’re interested.”

Gavin spared a glanced at Lysander, and then the book. “Sketches.”

“May I see them?”

“No.”

An awkward quiet fell between them.

Gavin pulled out a nightshirt, and with a yawn began unbuttoning his top. He then halted, his gaze flicking to Lysander. “Could you, um, turn around?”

“Right! Sorry.” Lysander turned to face the other wall, his face heating.

Had he been staring? God, he’d been staring. Was Gavin uncomfortable? Duncan had said to make lots of eye contact, but it seemed that bit of advice was out the window now too.

“I’m done now,” Gavin said. Lysander peeked, and sure enough, the other man was settling onto the mattress in his night clothes.

Lysander took in a breath, and gripped the fabric of his pants. One last attempt at taking advice.

“Compliment him,” Duncan had said. “Make him feel wanted and special.”

“You’re very handsome,” Lysander blurted.

And then the silence stretched.

Fuck.

He hadn’t hoped to turn Gavin into a blushing mess with one compliment (okay, maybe he’d hoped a little), but he’d at least wanted a positive reaction. Anything other than the way Gavin closed his eyes, as though summoning patience.

“There’s something you should know,” Gavin said. “Before we go any further.”

Lysander’s muscles went statue still. He was never listening to Duncan again. “Yes?”

“There’s this weird thing about me.” Gavin looked to the ceiling, and Lysander’s pulse kicked into gear. “I, um, don’t feel attraction very quickly.”

Lysander blinked. “Wait, that’s it?”

“Yeah. I guess I just have to get to know somebody first. Feel an emotional connection. That’s it.”

“Gavin, it’s perfectly normal to want to know someone before you’re intimate with them.”

Lysander thought he was being comforting, but this was apparently the wrong thing to say.

“You’re not getting it.” Gavin ran a hand through his hair. “It’s like . . . okay look. Have you felt attraction before? That sort of giddy feeling? And then maybe on top of that, you feel horny for the person?”

It was almost funny that Gavin was the one asking him this. “Yes, I’m familiar with the sensation.”

“Okay. And, ignoring whether or not you actually decide to sleep with them, because that’s besides the point, you can experience that feeling without really knowing much about the person, right?”

Lysander considered for a moment, and then slowly nodded. “I think I understand now.”

A bit of tension left Gavin’s posture. “Okay. Good.”

“What does all this mean for you?”

“Well, it means I’m not very experienced, for one.” Gavin leaned back on the headboard, and sighed. “It’s hard for me to find people I’m into. And by the time I do develop those feelings, more often than not the other person has already moved on.” His eyes were sullen, and Lysander was certain that he was thinking of someone specific. “It also means that it’s sometimes a struggle to relate to my friends.”

“I don’t think I’ve met anyone like you before.” Lysander supposed that, given how special Gavin was, it made sense that he’d be unique in this way too.

“You know what’s funny?” Gavin said, his voice darkening. “For the longest time, I thought people like you were the ones in the minority. I always assumed that I was the normal one.”

Lysander paused, and tried to imagine what that might be like. If he’d had to, bit by bit, slowly piece together how different he was. Had to feel like an alien within his own home.

“Why can’t you be both different and normal?” Lysander asked.

Gavin glanced at him, eyebrows raised.

“I, uh, just don’t see why they have to be mutually exclusive,” he went on. “You called yourself weird, earlier. But Gavin,” he met the other boy’s eyes, “nothing could be further from the truth.”

The corners of Gavin’s mouth quirked upwards, and it was the first genuine smile Lysander had ever received from him. “Thanks.”

With a little breath, Lysander smiled too. It seemed like he could do something right after all.

-----

Taglist:

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