#but i thought this was a good piece to revisit after 6 years

[actual-shintaro]

redraw of my first granblue fantasy fanart. happy 10th anniversary.

[shuukichan]

Goku x Vegeta Fic Recs

I've been spoiled with Sherlock, Good Omens, and Star Trek fic recs on this site. But after reigniting ye old flame for the particular paring of Goku x Vegeta, I've found a scarcity of fic recs (on Tumblr at least), so I thought I'd add my 2 cents on the off chance anyone might find this helpful. Fic summaries in italics are from the author and I’ve added some comments of my own to most of them. So here goes - the fic rec list no one asked for!

The Boys in Space

Contamination by @cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 14/14 | Words: 63,045): Hands-down the best DBZ fic I've read. A breathtaking piece of sci-fic horror with all the sophistication of a novel, combined with a profound understanding of Goku and Vegeta and the ability to render them perfectly in character. @cosmicmewtwo gives them a depth and a magnetic passion that keeps me revisiting and re-reading this amazing fic.

High Tide by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Teen and Up | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,270): A touching companion piece to Contamination.

Let’s Jam by @vakaara (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 5,613): Goku and Vegeta get separated from the Galactic Patrol, and crash land on an alien planet. They have plenty of time to get a little closer. For such a short fic, this one is saturated in rich description that immerses the reader in the crush of an alien city, the scents and tastes, the subtle feelings blooming sensually between our two heroes. Hits all the right notes perfectly.

Properties of Darkness by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Mature | Chapters: 5/? | Words: 10,366) Vegeta pressures Goku into teaching him how to use Instant Transmission, but the technique comes at a sinister price. In true Lovecraftian style, this fic explores the horror of the unknowable and incomprehensible. What exactly happens when you rip at the seams of reality to jump across space? And what's lurking in the in-between?

Vegetasei AUs

Strange New World, That Has Such Creatures In It by GoblinCatKC (Rating: Teen and Up | Chapters: 10/10 | Words: 59,354): An imaginative fic full of world-building. Vegeta's wish to restore Vegetasei reveals the Saiyan homeworld as a misunderstood and divinely-chosen planet, as well as the surprisingly sinister role of the Kais in its downfall. Several religious allegorical references might be familiar to fans of CS Lewis or Tolkien, but (as a review of the fic puts it) the author uses allegory "without going all 'Pilgrim’s Progress' on us."

Irrevocable by akaparalian (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 8/8 | Words: 39,961): Traditionally, the rulers of Vegetasei determine their consorts by way of a tournament and when can Goku stay away from a tournament? Our clueless hero enters for a good fight and wins an outraged Prince. Goku’s ignorance as to the intricacies of his own people’s royal customs and etiquette make for a hard road for them both, but a good slow burn for the reader!

22 Years, 5 Months, 20 Days by zuzallove (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 19,026): Kakarot is Vegeta's assigned sparring partner when they are 4 and 6 years-old. Vegeta absolutely hates him. But as the years go by, Bardock's brat seems to be the only one who can hold Vegeta's attention for more than a minute. He hates him, but he can't live without him. Only two problems with that: there's a war on, and Vegeta has to mate whomever his father picks out for him.

Burn to Ash by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2,476): Hours before his wedding, Prince Vegeta receives an unexpected visitor. Beautiful passion and excruciating angst.

Misc

Full Moon by Vakaara (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 7/7 | Words: 18,046): Goku’s tail is back, but he’s not sure he’s happy about it - especially now that he knows what he could become at the full moon. This fic complicates Goku as a character by seriously considering the emotional impact of killing his grandfather, exploring his fear and panic as he tries to accept his Oozaru form as an adult. Vegeta helps him through the process of embracing his Saiyan nature, which leads to another kind of embrace between the two.

Budoven by GoblinCatKC (Rating: Mature | Chapters: 5/5 | Words: 15,524): Vegeta's past comes back to haunt him every day-memories of a lost culture, vulnerabilities he can't shake, a royal bearing crushed under cruelty. Now his past returns in the form of old enemies that destroy worlds, not a single warrior but an entire swarm. An insightful treatment of Vegeta’s past trauma, Goku’s understanding and love of this scarred man, an understanding none of the Z warriors share. Masterfully written with nothing overly maudlin, and bracketed by a gripping battle for Earth, it remains one of my favorite multi-chapter fics.

Feel You In My Bones by @teamdamon (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 9/9 | Words: 62,042): What starts as a fun romp with some great humor and steamy scenes, develops into a fic that explores so much - sexual dynamics, family dynamics, poly dynamics, etc. Vegeta's got one convoluted inner emotional life, Chi-Chi is relatable and understanding, Bulma is hilariously vulgar and loving, and Goku discovers a piece of himself he never knew he needed.

Remote Possibility by Vakaara (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 12,011): After Goku and Vegeta’s first battle, Vegeta’s pod is accidentally called back to Earth. When Goku learns about Frieza from Vegeta, they need to decide what to do next. As usual, Vakaara’s characterizations are spot-on in this AU - Vegeta’s dread of Frieza, Goku’s bottomless optimism, and the magnetic pull between the two Saiyans as they learn to train together against the common threat.

Under My Skin by Vakaara (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 11/11 | Words: 20,162): After eight years dead, Goku returns to Earth for one day at the Tenkaichi Budokai tournament. He left unfinished business between himself and Vegeta when he died. Vegeta isn’t happy about it. The bulk of this truly excellent fic explores the fallout with their families after Buu, the aftereffects of fusion, and how they make sense of it all in the end.

as if i could ever by MsFluorescent (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 7,784): Like many stories,  sparring leads to something more physically pleasurable between our two Saiyans. But Goku suddenly cuts things off. Something is crushing our hero’s irrepressible spirit, and even our stoic Vegeta can’t stand by and let that go on.

Standing in Reverence by orphan_account (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words | Words: 5,033): The fusion during the fight with Buu broke down some walls between Goku and Vegeta; Goku tears the rest down in an unprecedented gesture of apology and fidelity to his prince.

Aegis by orphan_account (Rating: Mature | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,154): While relaxing after a long day of sparring and hunting, Vegeta remembered the day he finally saw past the mask Goku held up to the world. A rare and satisfying vignette of Vegeta studying, understanding, and taking care of Goku.

Take Care by orphan_account (Rating: Mature | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2,051): Goku knew when Vegeta wasn’t okay, and he knew what to do when that happened. In the early stages of their relationship, Goku studies his mate like he’s prepping for a fight, and it pays off for them both.

Heat

Kuvusa by orphan_account (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 7,967): This is in my top 5 for off-the-charts hotness, but with a fair dose of tenderness from Vegeta that is written in a wholly believable way for his character. I'm a sucker for the "heat" trope, but this fic is special in its convincing incorporation of the concept into Saiayn biology.

Side Effects by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 4,779): Vegeta accidentally exposes himself to a strange chemical in Bulma's lab. And really hopes he can expose himself again!

Blame It On Moonlight by gutterbunnyx for Dulcinea (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 2/2 | Words: 5,589): The super moon makes Goku go into heat. Vegeta helps out in his own way. Veggie gets all dominant and Bulma and Chi-Chi are fans.

Toxic by orphan_account (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 7,353) It’s a love-potion-as-revenge/aphrodisiac fic, where poor naïve Goku gets tricked into drinking it. So, not really a “heat” fic but a lot of similar elements (multiple-orgasms, self-lubrication, Vegeta-tenderly-taking-care-of-Goku).

In the Time Chamber

Inside by @schlopreceptacle (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,301): Vegeta teaches Goku a little something new about male anatomy in the Time Chamber. Kakavege Week Prompt #22: Teacher’s Pet. They’re only a few months into their stay in the chamber and already Goku’s asking if it’s weird to like another man. Vegeta shows him how fun it can be.

New Ways of Dealing With Idiots by dragonspell (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,734): The first time that Vegeta crawls into Kakarot’s bed, it is in sheer self-defense. (Or Vegeta resorts to desperate measures to gain some peace and shut Goku up in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.) Goku is taken by surprise, but Vegeta’s method works well - so well that he may do it again. ;)

Training on Beerus’ Planet

Left Hook by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 7,176): Goku and Vegeta attempt to put Whis's suggestions into practice, but their training does not go as expected. Vegeta is wound tighter than any backrub could loosen, but Goku tries anyway! Some massage, a frank conversation, and a panicked punch still leads to some explicitly rated results.

You Need To Relax by Yammy_kooki (@eggdoodles) (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 7,59): Vegeta can't relax. Goku has a way to help. Another case of Whis “helping” move things along between these two by providing a very special kind of relaxation aid, as only a crafty angel could!

Curiosity by @tristaml (No rating | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 6,203): Goku learns Vegeta's been with men and he's curious to know what that's like.

One-shots and PWP

Worthy by TristaML (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2,547): Goku and Vegeta roleplay for the night. Written in a script-like style which detracts nothing from this hot gem.

mistake.jpeg by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 2/2 | Words: 7,110): Vegeta embarrasses himself over text message. You might imagine our ragey prince going incandescent over his blunder, but Chapter 2 will surprise you.

Simple Needs by cosmicmewtwo (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 5,173): While sparring with Vegeta, Goku has an unexpected reaction (or: Great, Now We Gotta Kinkshame Goku) Sometimes, wires get crossed and pain and defeat get mixed up with other kinds of pleasure. One of the more imaginative uses of ki-rings I’ve had the pleasure to read.

Plain White T by schlopreceptacle (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 1,950): Kakavege Week Prompt #35 - Costume: Casual Wear. Hilariously sexy. Poor Bulma puts up with so much.

Wild by schlopreceptacle (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,660): Vegeta sees something wild inside Goku and decides to give him what he craves. Graphic sex, violence and some BDSM themes. Kakavege Week Prompt #15: Uke Goku. “If we go down this road, Kakarot, then things may never be the same.”

Untamed by schlopreceptacle (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2,628): Follow up to “Wild.” Kakarot comes back to Vegeta for more. Explicit sexual content including bondage, spanking, blood. Kakavege Week Day 3: Bondage

Fight with Denial by schlopreceptacle (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 4,244): Vegeta never was satisfied with his fight with Kakarot that led to unleashing Majin Buu. So now that there are no more distractions, he has the perfect opportunity for a rematch. Kakavege Week Day 2: Hostility. This one reminds me of a few fan comics (Kabu’s Skyworld and Nakamori’s Fair in Love) where Vegeta’s rage and hatred are transformed during a fight. Bloodied and in the dirt, the two fighters finally, explosively, passionately connect after so much wasted animosity and denial.

Red Cheeks by @zennagreenwitch (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 4,210): Goku returns from Yardrat and tries to interact with Vegeta, but Vegeta doesn't seem to want anything to do with him. And what's up with that shirt? For Kakavege Week 12 Prompt Day 5: Embarrassed For once, Chichi knows what her Goku needs and makes sure he goes for it! Goku’s got a bit of internalized homophobia, but it’s no match for Chichi’s and Vegeta’s patience in this fun little fic.

By Accident by zennagreenwitch (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 2/2 | Words: 9,346): Phantom tail pains wake Vegeta up in the middle of the night. Set after the Buu saga. Kakavege Week 12 Prompt Day 4: Underwear Series: Part 4 of Kakavege Week 12. Due Goku’s private, yet poorly-worded wish, Vegeta and all the half-Saiyan children are surprised to wake up with regenerated tails! After a bit of panic, Vegeta takes the situation in hand and explains what tail movements and scents communicate. Little does Goku realize what his tail betrays to his long-time friend and rival.

Training by MadamBiscuit (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 4,839): Vegeta's been having strange dreams lately involving his long-time rival, Goku. When Goku shows up for an impromptu training session, Vegeta tries to turn him down, but it isn't a fight that Goku wants . . . he wants to learn how to kiss properly!? Goku is super clueless and Vegeta has convinced himself this must be a dream. Silly hot PWP!

Signals by TristaML (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2,938): PWP Vegeta/Goku. The wives have passed and Goku didn’t realize that anyone else knew that he liked Vegeta until adult Goten and Trunks pointed it out

Threesomes

The Proposition by GoldenMama (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 10,154 ): The Saiyans have their tails back, and Bulma’s questions are relentless. She asks the boys to enlighten her (for the sake of science, of course). Will they satisfy more than just her thirst for knowledge? A perfect blend of Saiyan possessiveness and a willingness to share. Vegeta is his smoldering self, but get ready for a more adult Goku than you might be used to!

Pace Is the Trick by GoldenMama (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/2 | Words: 4,082): Sequel to The /Proposition. It's Vegeta's turn to be the center of attention. Even when the Prince of All Saiyans is the bottom, he will always be on top.

Three's Company by herpb4uderp (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 6,295): Goku and Vegeta turn an interruption into an invitation. On top of an expertly hot fic, what I love about this one is how the author explores the magnetic bond that Goku and Vegeta share – a bond that draws Broly towards them but one that will only ever be uniquely their own.

Dizzying Descent by gutterbunnyx (Rating: Explicit | Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,819): Day 1 for Bottom Goku Week 2022 - Fantasy! Goku fantasizes about Broly... And Vegeta is also there. ;) And then suddenly the fantasy materializes! Sloppy sexy fun.

[hotmonkeelove]

Revisiting an Old Survey

While looking through some of my old stuff, I noticed the "100 Excellent Questions" I answered. I thought I'd do an updated version to see how much my views may or may not have changed in the past eight years...

100 Excellent Questions

Because I miss the old days of doing these on LJ. Bold and italicised means no change, strike-through is changed, just italicised means a further disclosure, just bold is the new answer.

1. If there were one word which was automatically to your name in Google searches, which word would you want it to be?

Huh?

2. What is a goal that you recently met?

I dressed up as Torgo.

I ordered a wig for my Anko cosplay.

3. What is your favorite time of day?

Night.

4. Name a celebrity you find attractive.

Other than Micky Dolenz? Richard Burton.

Seeing as I've fancied Burton since I was 7, this has not changed.

5. What is one of the best pieces of advice you have ever received?

Stop being sad and start getting mad.

My aunt said this to me as I was cutting ties with my abusive father. I was angry, but I was also in the midst of a nervous breakdown and eating disorder. My dad also had eating disorders, in addition to his chronic criticism of women any bit overweight. He did that to my mother throughout their marriage and had started in on me during puberty.

6. What is the ultimate gesture of total trust?

Bondage.

7. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

That I'm a brilliant writer.

8. What is something you have changed your mind about?

Putting up with someone hurting me just because I love them.

9. What is something you’ve never changed your mind about?

Koalas are cute.

10. Rewrite the end of a fairy tale.

Snow White rejects the Prince and stays with the dwarves.

I suspect there's a video of that already...

11. Choose one: you will never misunderstand the meaning of what someone else is saying OR nobody will ever misunderstand what you say.

The latter.

12. If offered irreversible immortality, would you take it?

No.

13. In your opinion, what are the most important qualities of a good friend?

Honesty, intelligence, common interests, empathy.

14. If you could be a founding member of a space colony, with the caveat that you would never be able to return to Earth, would you go?

No.

15. What is your favorite superpower? Why?

Teleportation, because I can't drive.

16. If you were a book, which book would you be?

The Bell Jar.

17. If you found out that your life was a book, and you met your author, what would you say to them?

What the fuck?!

18. How would you prefer to die?

Snakebite. Like Cleopatra did.

19. What is your favorite paradox?

I don't have one.

20. Tell us five facts about your first love, or, if you haven’t had one yet, invent the story of meeting your first love.

He had long, black hair, a big nose, bedroom eyes, he was a Libra, and he treated me like shit. What an asshole! But god, he was gorgeous! (We weren't a couple. I just stopped hiding my feelings after the person I confided in blabbed to him. This was in 7th grade, mind you.)

The only guy my age I crushed on. Though I did have a very serious boyfriend (the only man who really wanted to marry me) who was a year younger than me, back when I was 30. He was also gorgeous! Kind of like Noah Taylor, only Peter Lorre's height. He was even more messed up than me and was off/on with my girlfriend, so I had to let go. And I know I can't just be friends with him. We had twice gone years without speaking, and each time he came back, so did my feelings. He's still the greatest male love of my life. Him being in Australia and me being here didn't help matters, either. God, I miss him. Hopefully, things are better for him now.

21. If you could live anywhere for a year, where would you live?

Wales.

22. If you could visit anywhere for a week, where would you go?

Barcelona. Enough time to see all of Antoni Gaudí's architectural masterpieces! The most beautiful buildings in the world!

23. You can only read one genre of books for the rest of your life. Which genre do you read?

History.

Or mythology. Or art. Luckily, this is only a silly hypothetical.

24. Define “love.”

Needing something or someone in order to be complete as a person.

And the need to fulfill this in another.

25. Define “justice.”

Ma'at.

26. Define “truth.”

What is, rather than what should be.

27. Define “art.”

Magick in a physical form.

28. Define “good.”

Severus Snape.

29. Define “obscene.”

James Franco. GOD, I HATE HIM!

I don't see him in things as much now, and I like it that way. That smug look on his face drives me up the wall.

30. What one thing in the world would be hardest for you to give up?

Diet Coke.

31. What is one thing you regret?

Nothing.

Everything I've done was a learning experience.

32. What is something that you have done that you are proud of?

Left my moronic ex.

Not my Aussie boyfriend. This was the controlling, emotionally abusive jerk whose trophy girlfriend I was, till my girlfriend came along and helped me to finally walk away. I don't regret the years with him, though. It was my only escape from an impoverished, dysfunctional family, and it allowed me to save up the money that I needed to start my new life here.

33. Is it easier to talk or to listen?

Listen.

34. When are you vulnerable?

Always.

35. If you met God, what would you say to God?

Nice to meet you, Tim Curry.

I met him, but sadly there wasn't enough time to talk.

36. Would it be harder to tell someone you loved them if you weren’t sure how they would respond, or have to tell someone that you didn’t love them back?

The latter.

I know from experience.

37. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

My mom on the phone after Christmas.

A few weeks ago.

38. What is your worst quality?

My temper.

But it's not nearly as short as it was in my youth.

39. What is your best quality?

My sincerity.

40. What is your most immediately noticeable quality?

My breasts. Hard to miss them. Even now.

41. What is the first thing you notice about other people?

Their eyes.

42. Describe one of your closest friends, and explain why that person is such a close friend.

My sister, because we just get on so well together and have so much fun with all our projects and opinions.

My sister and I fad a falling out, but are now on good terms again. I'd like to mention my bff, Natale. She's smart, talented, has a good heart, has been through a lot of the same things as I have, and has persevered. Plus, she's my Orochimaru. And she is so good at writing him!

43. What happened in the last dream you remember?

Something about the Monkees and I think it was Hallowe'en. The rest is a blur.

I was hanging out with Barry Gibb and he was so cool and fun!

44. What was your most memorable dream?

I dreamed I was the Elephant Man, wearing the robes and hood. Someone pulled off the hat and hood, but I looked like me.

45. Two truths and a lie.

The sky is blue. The earth is round. Gryffindor is a worthwhile House.

46. If you were having a baby with the love of your life, and they insisted that the child be named after a place, what would you name your child?

Babylon.

47. What is the last lie you told?

Not so much a lie as staying silent while someone said they watched Bill O'Reilly. Idiot.

Referring to my girlfriend as my roommate to a stranger? I'm not big on lying.

48. Is it possible for you to love someone you don’t trust?

Yes.

It's not a good thing, but it is possible.

49. What motivates you most?

Ambition.

50. What is your favorite narrative trope?

I guess the villain who turns out to be kind of good.

51. Describe the ultimate dystopia.

A world without the Monkees and Rocky Horror.

52. What story (book, movie, game, etc.) have you learned the most from?

Secretary.

53. What is something you wish other people could know about you without you having to tell them?

That I'm too shy to talk to people on my own.

I can in a professional manner, but approaching people as friends terrifies me. At least face to face. I can write to them just fine. Keep in mind I have a soft, high voice, a lisp, and dyslexia, in addition to social anxiety. Unless I'm in the spotlight/ playing a role. The pressure then disappears. Or in a very small group or one-on-one. Or even voice chat. The more intimate it is, the more I can open up. Hell, I let the floodgates open when I do have a friend or lover.

54. Describe a moment you experienced something unexpectedly beautiful.

Seeing this painting of Sappho in the Norton Simon Museum. It was so vivid, it floored me. I was having an episode of Stendhal syndrome.

55. What is the biggest challenge you face when trying to form relationships with people?

Talking to them.

56. How close do you think your perception of yourself is to how other people perceive you?

When I hate myself, probably close.

Depends on the people. Of course, with my disabilities, I don't get out much to interact with people nowadays. God, I need that nerve ablation. I miss being able to walk without a cane for more than 15 minutes. Or an hour, tops, with one.

57. What is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?

Letting people hear my voice.

I'm still insecure about it, though.

58. What is the most important emotion?

Determination.

Love. Which was second choice back then.

59. Do you think humans are any different than very advanced organic robots? If so, how?

Yes, we have souls.

60. If you had to move somewhere else, what would you miss most from where you are now?

The foreign food. You can't get Greek, Thai, Indian, etc. in rural Texas, where I lived before we moved the Metroplex.

61. If you were a videogame character, what would your iconic weapon be?

Kunai, I suppose.

62. What is an aspect of your personality now that would come as a surprise to your younger self?

That I no longer feel guilty about being in love with more than one person at a time.

Also, the need to be jealous of others. Jealousy is a waste of time and energy.

63. If you could eliminate one event from the last month, which event would it be?

Getting this fever blister!

My dog trying to eat something very gross off the ground. I almost threw up.

64. If you had to forget the entire last year except for one 24 hour period, which day would you chose to remember? (Other people would remember, and you would have anything you wrote down or recorded during that time period - you would just have a form of amnesia.)

The night I went to see Suspiria at the Texas Theater.

The day we adopted Buddy.

65. What is the most upsetting thing anyone has ever said to you?

"Go kill yourself."

66. If you had to pick only one ideal or cause to work toward, what would it be?

My True Will.

67. Are there any unforgivable actions? What are they?

Cruelty to animals, because animals can't plead for their lives.

68. Under what circumstances is keeping information secret acceptable or morally required?

To save lives and giving presents.

69. What is one of your favorite ways to relax?

Stretching out and watching the Monkees.

70. What is something you find difficult to talk about, even though you know you should?

That I want sex.

That I need a nap.

71. What is an easy, default topic of conversation?

Monty Python.

72. What is your favorite sort of conversation?

An intellectual one.

73. What is a version of you in an alternate reality doing right now?

Micky Dolenz.

74. What was the last adorable thing you saw?

My dogs.

My dog.

75. Would you prefer for people to hate you or for people to be completely indifferent to you?

Hate me.

Because at least I'll know why they're not there.

76. Would you prefer to be yelled at or ignored?

Ignored.

77. What is your favorite word and why?

Yasashiku. It means 'gently' in Japanese. It's very poetic.

78. What is your dream job?

Famous poet and burlesque girl.

79. What is the most difficult thing you’ve done this month?

Trying to beat this writer's block.

Starting a new patio garden.

80. When was the last time you were really scared?

When some drunk was banging on my door in the middle of the night and wouldn't stop for over an hour.

When my sister went in for surgery. She had stage 2 breast cancer.

81. What do you want most?

Success.

82. Describe an ideal day.

I do a lot of writing, watch some favourite programmes or films, go out to eat, have an interesting conversation with someone, and get some cuddle time.

An orgasm would be nice, too.

83. If you could speak to any real (non-fictional) person, living or dead for one hour, who would it be?

Aleister Crowley.

84. In general, are you happy with the person you have become?

Yes.

85. Do you want to be a parent?

Hell no.

I'll stick will dogs, thank you very much.

86. What is something unusual about you that not a lot of people know?

I've only had two or three vaginal orgasms in my entire life. And they all involved kinky sex (spankings, humiliation, etc).

87. What makes you you?

Hmm, my DNA?

88. Are you lonelier when you’re with people or when you’re alone?

With people.

89. What makes you feel safe?

Cuddling.

90. What was the last bad decision you made?

To eat all that tiramisu.

Reading someone else's opinion of Saionji. No, he's not some shallow ego-maniac! He puts up a nasty front to hide how terribly insecure and depressed he is. He did care for Wakaba! Mikage explained that extracting the crystallised copies of the Student Council members' dueling swords required "people who have a hold on their hearts." So how could Wakaba manage to take his sword if she wasn't dear to him? And then there's the fact Saionji uses the money she gives him to eat lunch with on a kit to hand-make a gift for her; a barrette of a leaf, the meaning of her name. I'm not saying Saionji's innocent. He's deeply flawed, like all the major characters, including Wakaba. It's that he's broken-hearted, not heartless. And Wakaba is the only person who genuinely cares for him.

91. Who is someone you have utmost respect for, and what is it about that person that makes you esteem them so highly?

Joseph Campbell, because he was so right about everything.

He wasn't infallible, but his work has helped me so much in understanding life and the Divine. I am a Joseph Campbell fangirl!

92. What was the last thing you laughed uncontrollably at?

Mystery Science Theater 3000.

The Cinema Snob's review of that xxx Mortal Kombat spoof. Oh my god, the running gag of Shao Kahn snoring in the background!

93. Your friend tells you that they are suicidal, and asks you not to tell anyone. Is it more of a betrayal to tell someone, or to keep silent?

To keep silent.

94. What song speaks to you most? Why?

Sarah Brightman's 'Once in a Lifetime.' It's so submissive! "Show me the floor; Lay down the law; I need to taste you more." I couldn't put it better, myself!

95. What basic values or principles do you turn to when faced with moral dilemmas?

The Laws of Thelema.

96. If you had a tagline, what would it be?

You're saying, 'Whore of Babylon,' like it's a bad thing.

97. If applicable, what do you look for in a romantic partner?

Intelligence, shared opinions and interests, honesty, mesmerizing eyes, skill with a riding crop.

Or they should at least be good at spanking!

98. Who is your favorite author?

Sylvia Plath.

99. Who is the one person you know who is most similar to you (in terms of personality, beliefs, attitudes, mannerisms, etc)?

My girlfriend.

Second would be my bff/ OroAnko rp partner. Ever since we patched up our friendship, I've had a new lease on life.

100. What are you most excited about right now?

The prospect of seeing the Monkees perform again next year.

I did see Micky and Peter on the 50th anniversary tour! Now it's my current creative burst. I've got fanfics, three novels, and a final edit of my poetry book on my plate. I swear I will stop putting the poetry book off!

[crazyblondelife]

Back to Basics and Style Inspiration

You know I’m a proponent of wearing what you already have in your closet, even though I do love to shop! I believe in buying the best quality pieces you can afford, for the most part, because these pieces will last for so much longer and you’ll feel good wearing them! Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t want to bring anything into my closet that won’t still be wearable in five or even ten years. It’s just time for me at 60 years old to have a wardrobe that is full of classic, wearable pieces. Of course, there are exceptions…a few fun trendy pieces thrown in here and there make your wardrobe fun but even those, if purchased with care and thought can last for years!

January is my least favorite time of the year because of the weather and also because of the lack of sunlight! I thrive in the warmer months, but, alas…January is here and I do want to make the most of it! I find myself wanting to simplify everything after the excess of the holiday season, with clear, clutter free spaces and that also translates to my wardrobe! Basic pieces mixed and matched make me feel easily put together! Here are a few outfit ideas made up of basic pieces that you probably already own in some form! I hope you feel inspired!

I love the idea of wearing my Sambas with leather pants (these are recycled)…it’s a look I hadn’t thought of before, but why not? A basic white tee (closet essential) with a camel cardigan gets dressed up with a gold chain and a black bag completes the look! You’ll see me in this look often in the coming days!

I believe everyone needs a black leather jacket (or three)! I have a biker jacket, a more conservative leather jacket from Theory and a very old just basic black jacket that I still love and wear! I would like to add a black leather blazer to the mix this season if I can find just the right one! A leather jacket in some form or fashion is such a classic look that anyone can pull off and it pairs with jeans, trousers, skirts and even looks great with a dress! This look is classic and fabulous street style with the lug sole boots and medium wash jeans. Throw on the same white tee under the jacket, put your aviator sunglasses on, grab your bag and you’re out the door in style!

A herringbone coat is so stylish and classic and…I have a brown one but not a black one, so this one piece I’ve added to my wishlist! It’s a perfect everyday coat that’s just a bit more stylish than a solid coat but works just as well with most outfits! Loafers are trending and classic at the same time (also love these metallic ones) and a good black turtleneck is something that every woman (and man) needs as well as a pair of black sunglasses! I’m so in love with the YSL bag, but unfortunately, that’s for another day…a girl can dream!

I’m throwing in this picture as an example of how you can wear older pieces from your closet. I purchased the white blouse from Zara and found a little Pinterest inspiration on how to style it in an unusual way! It’s a pretty basic blouse that would go well with most anything, but I decided to style it under this embellished military jacket from Free People that I found in Nashville about 6 years ago! I loved the jacket then and I still love it…as far as I’m concerned, it will never go out of style! I added a very old bag from Chloe (at least 10 years old), a pair of clog booties that I purchased last season and my lower rise skinny jeans from Moussy Vintage (these are still some of my favorite jeans and are about 3 years old)! The pearl necklace is a little unexpected, but that’s what I like about it! The moral to this story is that if you really love something, you can find a way to wear it, so buy what you love and hang on to it! I’ve never been one to sell my nice things after a season because I still love them. Eventually, even if I take a break from wearing something, I’ll come back to it and revisit it in another way! It really is fun to get creative with your wardrobe!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post…I felt a little long winded today! I’m working on a Valentine’s Day Gift guide for tomorrow that I think you’ll love! It’ll be here before you know it!

[starvinginbelair]

ranking every original song from the next star

because i can and also i've never listened to the full discography before! reminder that this is only really my opinion and that this is just for fun (not an actual serious critique lmao). also i only watched from season 5 onwards, so there may be a bit more bias to the newer seasons and songs. this will only be songs that were written specifically for the show, no songs that were released by participants after the show.

1. good as gone by melissa (charlie) storwick

C A T C H Y. it's no wonder she won with this song, with how good it is melodically and lyrically. sonically, her voice really suits it too and while it does have electronic elements to it, it's not so overpowering that it feels dated by any means. the dynamics of her vocals in the last chorus carry it higher and makes the song not feel energetic and fun. one of the best, if not THE best written and produced song on the next step

2. all i want by alex zaichkowski

you could flip a coin between this one and in my mind because they're pretty similar to me. at least musically, both really lean into the live instrument/band aspect and i eat it up. what puts this one above in my mind is slightly better writing in the chorus and a stronger bridge. i really like how this one paints a distinct image through the lyrics though, and the songwriting is definitely some of the strongest out of the songs on the show

3. in my mind by ryan hawken

the chorus of this one is so genuinely catchy. and i feel like he has the vocal chops to pull off the way it swells in the last pass of it. the verses are memorable, and really the only weak part of this song is the bridge. definitely something you could see an early 2010s boyband singing, and one of the better songs from season 5. one i find myself inclined to listen to again

4. my best friend's girl by diego gomes

does it have a ton of vocoder and voice modulation on it? yes. does it also hit insanely hard and is a party hit? also yes. i really like the simple guitar at the beginning that transitions into a more electronic sound. i also love the breakdown section/guitar solo. obviously, the lyrics are quite juvenile but they somehow work for this song? it fits and doesn't make me feel weird and in high school lmao. i also love the octave change in the last chorus. why this wasn't more of a hit? idk.

5. fever by victoria duffield

one where i'm like how the FUCK did she not win with this song. the way the chorus hits and while repetitive, isn't at all grating or annoying. i love the verses, they're so well written, and the second verse pre-chorus is genuinely one of the best parts of the song. it really set up where she was going to go as an artist tbh and i really love that. definitely a hit, and there's a reason it's probably the most popular song from the next star

6. breaking glass by kaleia simons-cook

another one where it genuinely flabbergasts me that she didn't win with this song. it fit pretty perfectly with what was popular around the time she was on the show, an edm banger, and her voice sounds so good. has top 40 hit written all over it, and i'm still a bit salty this song wasn't appreciated more

7. sparks are gonna fly by j.d. meeboer (rip)

this was the pop-punk/pop-rock song this show NEEDED. it was so refreshing to listen to, the live instruments sound great, and the breakdown is great. of course, the lyrics aren't amazing, but you can absolutely tell that there was a lot of thought put into them and that there was a story they wanted to tell using the imagery. it's catchy as hell, and definitely one i'll revisit and replay until my heart's content. my one complaint is that i wish it went a bit harder, but i'm sure live, it could be different (it is different).

8. into pieces by electric ave

the instrumental on this one is amazing, and the swagger the guys bring to the song is unmatched. it's truly been years since this song was released and i *still* remember the lyrics because that's how fucking catchy it is. instant brainworm. i love the breakdown too, and it just elevates the song going into the final chorus. everyone sounds good on the track and really, just a song you can absolutely bop to

9. we are the brave by rebel coast

such a unique song concept! the instrumental of this one might be one of the best the next step has ever done, with the excess of snares and dark sound. the vocals on this sound great, especially from kyle and curtis. i think the lyrics are pretty weak but this does have one of the better choruses out of all of the songs. replayability is high, and i have nothing more to say than this one is a bop

10. we just don't care by the season 6 top 6

a bit autotuned, yes, but never to the point of annoyance. i think the outro really sells it for me, it's just so catchy and everyone's voice is utilized well in this one. it's also not repetitive in the way now is, even though the chorus is similarly simple. the mixing is great and everyone has a moment to shine. i like the lyrics and sonically, the backing instrumentals provide just enough that it is easily one i revisit and listen to often.

11. turn it up by the season 4 top 6

are charlie, milly, april and parker's lines completely autotuned garbage? yes. but does it slay regardless? also yes. it's a certified bop, that i will always love dancing to. i think the lyrics are perfect for a dance track, and in general, i think it'll always bring good memories for me. so what if i'm a little nostalgic for this song? it's valid. it's catchy as hell.

12. better off anyway by brandon bizior

this song walked so the holy trinity of sparks are gonna fly, in my mind, and all i want could RUN. that pop-punk flair i really love is so apparent and there, and i cannot understate enough how much i love the instrumental. i didn't expect to like it this much even, but sonically it's so good. reminds me a lot of check yes, juliet by we the kings to be honest. what knocks it down here (still top 20 lmao) is just that i think the lyrics aren't as strong as the three songs i mentioned above, and there are other songs i like better. but definitely a replayable song and one that i was shocked to like so much that i want to revisit it!

13. see you again by amer dhaliwal

the chorus of this one is so catchy!!!! i really like how it's written too, and i think the melodies are really good. i would say the verses are kind of boring though, and they're cheesy as well. but amer sounds amazing singing the lyrics so does that cancel it out? to me it does. the high notes are killer and it's definitely one i can see revisiting. however, it does land here because i just like the other ones more, and they appeal more to me.

14. dreams by shania fillmore

classic tbh!!!! i love the instrumentation, and while the lyrics are very VERY cheesy, i find that shania's delivery makes them less so. she seems to really believe the message of the song lmao. it's also insanely catchy, and i applaud the decisiveness of wanting a country-pop song instead of something that might be more leaning into edm or straight pop.

15. front row by madi amyotte

i swear this song was featured somewhere and tbh even if it *wasn't*, it should've been. even though the writing is very very cheesy, it doesn't seem played into so much, like the artist genuinely believes that it's true. i also love the instrumentation and think the vocals are great. i genuinely think that this is one of the best songs, just for how catchy it is even upon my first listen. season 3 really had a great group!

16. up to us by jory zechner

wow season 7 really had some of the best production and songwriting in terms of melodies. i think the chorus carries this song but around it, there's p good lyrics and melodic tendencies. the one thing that i do dislike a lot is the spoken word bridge, but overall, the rest of the vocals are really solid. replayability factor is also high.

17. if i fall by wren burnett

i was shocked to find out how much i liked this one! i think the writing in the verses is really solid, and the chorus has a lot to it too. the instrumental is amazing and you can tell that wren has a great voice that doesn't need excess vocal modulation. i genuinely am going to revisit this one and it is definitely my favourite of the season 2 songs for sure. it's very early jojo and you know what?? not a bad thing at all.

18. the last word by briar gillis

so evanescence, so angsty. and genuinely i really enjoy it! i think that the verses have pretty good songwriting, but the pre-chorus is cheesy. the chorus could come in stronger, but her vocals overall are pretty good throughout and fit the song. i like the instrumental a lot too, and that she leaned into the live instrument thing. the belt before the last chorus is what i would want for the whole song going into the chorus.

19. it might be you by parker schmidt

okay so if we're talking on writing ALONE this one would be way down there with "the way i see you". but we're not, so i would just like to say that i really like the instrumental of this one and how catchy it is. yes there is a ton of vocoder on it, but it's a really really cute song otherwise and i think it's one of the ones with the most earwormy choruses. def a fave of mine, no matter what.

20. goodbye gravity by dante scott

i love the verses and pre-chorus of this song. the soft drop is also perfectly timed, and it's just a great dance song! it's so catchy that by the end i was singing along to the chorus, but it's also not dated. however, i can't put it in the top songs simply because the post-chorus is quite shallow and i really like other songs more

21. be your holiday by shon burnett

say what you want but this is a cute ass song. catchy for sure! while it is really shallow writing, and i really think the instrumental is grating with the brass, shon's voice is actually pretty good in this, and makes it up for it. aside from the spoken word pre-chorus of course. i would've liked this song to explore the more tropical sound in the way the bridge implies, as opposed to the brass. but like it's one that i always find myself aw-ing at

22. say u 2 by paige prescott

cheesy yes, but it's so catchy and easy to sing along to. i love her vocal on it and it sucks that during the live show, she also got sick similar to issy. but i like this song far more than issy's, just for how cute it is. it also has great background instrumentals and overall is just a bop!

23. i got a crush on you by isabelle stern

such a cute little song! i really like isabelle's vocals on this, and you can tell that she has such mature depth in her voice. again: electronic elements but it doesn't feel dated. the lyrics do make this feel a bit juvenile but at the same time, i think it works for her voice and she sings it well. i love the octave change too. definitely catchy, but it's not good enough to be pushed up into the upper echelon of songs.

24. lioness by kat moscone

the instrumental on this one really hits, and tbh saves it. outside of the verses, which come in really strong and are lyrically pretty alright, the chorus is weak and so is the bridge. i really dislike the rap bridge section, and while kat's vocals are good throughout, i just find myself drawn more to the backing track more than the melodies. it's catchy, but in a way that's definitely grating by the end of the song due to its repetitiveness

25. from the heart by amanda rowland

i wasn't expecting to like this one as much as i did! i think it works and fits perfectly with her voice, and i love the instrumental and how it builds throughout the song. it doesn't feel juvenile either, if a little bit cheesy in the lyrics. i think my one knock is that it builds so much that by the end, you can tell the vocal chops just are not there to hold it up.

26. caught up by grace johnston

i like the instrumental of this song and i absolutely love the chorus. they're both really catchy. however, i think the vocal delivery on this song is weak and really, the lyrics are pretty mediocre. it doesn't hit hard enough either. middle of the pack seems right about right for this song. i like the name drop too though.

27. without you here by tiana flegel

very hilary duff-esque. i really enjoy it, it's solid in terms of sound. and the songwriting is decent enough that it's not a bother to me! i wouldn't necessarily look for it to listen, but if it came on, i wouldn't be mad. kinda just a middle of the pack song

28. what r u doin 2 me by michaelah weekes

i don't love the chorus of this one, but the verses are really great lyrically. i think the instrumental is interesting too. but overall, there's nothing super special about this song. it just kinda feels like it's there.

29. shy by dunnery bond

again, it might just be that it's not my style, but i feel like this song sounds a bit like elevator music. it doesn't feel juvenile to me though, which is good. i think it's just cause i'm not drawn to this type of music, but overall it's really not that bad

30. gotta give a little extra by darren espanto

darren's vocals in this song are amazing, and that's genuinely the only thing that saves this one lmao. the verses are bloated with unnecessary lyrics, and the chorus is annoyingly repetitive. there's nothing even interesting going on in the instrumental. darren's runs sound great though, and you can tell he's probably the most talented vocalist (on vocal talent alone) out of all of the top 6's in the show. i wish they would've given him a better song though, so all of that could shine.

31. so hepburn by ryland clark

meh. that's really all i can say about this song. i think it's catchy enough, but i also don't find myself dancing along like with the others. it has this guitar lick that just goes on forever and never gives up, and it's quite annoying. the verses are also quite bloated with lyrics. i don't find that there's anything spectacular about this song, although i think that the concept is interesting! the songwriting also isn't great though, so it falls flat.

32. now by the season 5 top 6

a pretty shallow pop song tbh. i find the chorus a bit grating with it's repetitiveness, but i like the post-chorus. the verses are not that well written either though, and the overall mixing of their voices together wasn't done very well. definitely the weakest of the top 6 group songs, by far.

33. more by issy dahl

i could only find a live version of this, and she's very visibly sick in it tbh. chorus hits but the verses are super boring. kinda just meh. i wish there was a better version of it online because she really does kill the chorus. hard to judge because of the vocal performance.

34. solitude of sunday by darrelyne bickel

cheesy writing and boring instrumentals, really nothing i like in it. i think the vocals are really lacking too. just a boring song that has not much going for it, and isn't memorable overall in terms of the show. i won't be revisiting it. it's alright though i guess. mid.

35. insane (thru with you) by mimoza duot

ugh with mimoza's voice they could have done SO SO much more!!!! instead we get an electronic and vocally modulated song, with shallow lyrics. it also completely loses me on the catchiness factor, really does sound like something from an early 2000s movie that plays during the shopping montage. i wish we had more from her cause her vocals through all the modulation sound deep and great but...

36. everyday crazy by christina leclair

i really dislike the lyrics to this song. they feel really cheesy and they remind me of a knock-off of wonderful crazy by katelyn tarver. the backing instrumental IS good, but that's about all that is with this song. i think the vocals are alright, but it's really nothing special and i don't enjoy it in the same way i enjoy the others.

37. spotlight by april llave

it's so similar sonically to breaking glass, but i think the writing is worse, and there's an overuse of woahs and ahs in the verses. the pre-chorus really does hit, but the chorus is boring as hell with the same words repeated over and over again. the bridge is pretty bad as well. the edm backing music is interesting though, and that's probably what keeps it here and not somewhere lower. cause it is pretty catchy.

38. you better watch out for me by alicia moffet

this one is really just mid for me tbh. like i genuinely don't know why people liked it so much. i liked the message and it was a cute song, but the production is really lacking anything interesting and the lyrics aren't great either. of course, i like it better than many of the other songs but really, there's nothing special with it.

39. more perfect than a doll by lizz kellermann

the audio for this one was really bad, but i don't think that changes how bad the songwriting is either. i can see where she's coming from with this song, trying to be relateable, but at the same time, it just feels really fake. i like the vocals, but there's just not much else that draws me to this song.

40. the way i see you by brooklyn roebuck

oh wow, listening back to this one really makes you realize how HIGH SCHOOL it is. it's really not at all that catchy either. maybe it's just because it's very country and i don't love that genre, but in comparison to the other country songs on this list, it's definitely the weakest.

41. winners by jaden macphee

it might just not be my style, but i find this song really just boring and not at all catchy. the verses are quite bloated with lyrics in comparison to the chorus, which only has a few. the edm drops just aren't appealing here to me, and there's so much more they could have done with jaden's voice i feel like. he kills it on his runs, but unfortunately the rest of the song is just repetitive and annoying to listen to .

42. what we need is love by rayandra hudson

maybe it's just because of the sound quality but i really just did not like listening to this song. aside from the sound quality, rayandra sounds pretty pitchy. and it's far too reminiscent of a song like hey there delilah without the charm. it's definitely not the worst song, but not something i'd ever reach for.

43. stuck in my world by maranda thomas

i don't like the repetitiveness of the chorus nor the random people shouting things throughout the song. it's very early 2000s though, reminds me of outrageous by britney spears. i don't like that song either though, so maybe it's just the style. not one i'll be revisiting

44. do it by nissita francis

it's so cheesy and juvenile and i am cringing about it, but trying to keep in mind she was really young when she sang this. i mean it is kind of catchy, in a bad way, with just the chorus. the verses aren't really engaging and i feel like she sounds very autotuned. i really don't like the background instrumental claps either. the video is cute though! and her vocals are also good, just not her natural vocals, and you can tell.

45. if you were mine by milly benzu

the catchiest part is the "if you were mine"s and even that is really just a bright spot in a sea of edm that is bad and uncatchy. the songwriting is really juvenile and tries to have so many unnecessary drops and vocal modulation sections. i really would've just loved a song with milly's singing on it cause i know it was good, not this bs.

46. one more first chance by brock zanrosso

it's so early 2000s and so just boring. i imagine this song as a glob of wet paper mache tbh. it's just so unappealing to me, and maybe i just don't like the style, but there's something that distinctly turns me off from it. i really couldn't listen to all of it, i think the lyrics are cheesy and sonically it isn't amazing either.

47. gonna make you dance by alyssa reid

this was NOT what i was expecting from alyssa reid's debut song. it's so latin flair for no reason? there's also a really odd vocoder on her voice that's entirely unnecessary. i really question what they were going for with this song, because it's not really all that catchy either.

[chinaaesthetic]

Chinese New Year! 新年快乐!

*please note that the information below isn’t celebrated by everyone in the same way. Some customs are more common in northern China rather than southern China and vice-versa.

How to wish someone a Happy Chinese New Year:

1. 新年快乐！Xīnnián kuàilè! - Happy New Year! (This can be used one the first day of the lunar calendar as well as the Gregorian calendar).

2. 新春快乐！Xīnchūn kuàilè! - Happy Spring Festival!

3. 新年好！Xīnnián hǎo! - Hello! (This is how you greet people during Chinese New Year).

When greeting or wishing someone a Happy Chinese New Year, many Chinese people wish their family and friends things like: “I hope you have a happy and healthy family,” “I hope you get a job promotion,” “I hope you have good fortune and pockets overflowing with gold.” Here are some examples:

4. 恭喜发财！Gōngxǐ fācái! - Wish you a successful and prosperous year! (This saying is known well because of this Chinese New Year song you can watch here).

5. 阖家幸福! Hé jiā xìngfú - Wish you a happy family!

6. 事业有成! Shìyè yǒu chéng - Hope you have a successful career!

You can watch this YouTube video or read this article to learn more about how to wish someone a Happy Chinese New Year!

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What is Chinese New Year?

Chinese New Year, also known as lunar new year or the spring festival, celebrates the first day of the new year on the lunar calendar. In 2021, this holiday falls on Friday, February 12!  This holiday is the most important holiday to those who celebrate this - its importance can be comparable to how Americans celebrate Christmas.

People have been celebrating Chinese New Year for about 3,500 - 3,900 years. It’s exact origins are unknown, but this tradition is believed to have started in the Shang Dynasty (1600-1049 BC) when people would make sacrifices to the gods and their ancestors towards the end of a year. However, the tradition was recorded and official during the Han Dynasty (202 BC - 220 AD) when Emperor Wu began using the lunar calendar. He chose to follow this calendar because it would let him know when second new moon after the winter solstice was.

Now, many Southeast Asian countries and people besides the Chinese celebrate Chinese New Year such as: Koreans, Vietnamese, Tibetans, etc. However, it is common to not see Japan celebrate Chinese New Year.

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Why do I keep hearing about the Year of the Ox/Cow?

Just like in western culture, there are zodiacs in eastern culture that the Chinese follow. There are 12 zodiacs, and these zodiacs follow a cycle of 12 years. Each new year represents one of the zodiacs. 

In order, they are: Rat/mouse, Ox/cow, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig.

2021 is year of the Ox/Cow - 2020 was year of the Rat/Mouse - 2019 was Year of the Pig... and so on. 

Because each zodiac has its own characteristics, they define a year. Chinese zodiac scholars have said in 2021, Year of the Ox, will be a flip-around positive change. They believe this year will be lucky and that it will be a good time to focus on love and relationships. People who are born in years of the Ox are known to have a lot of endurance, be calm and confident, but are also stubborn.

Just like in western culture, these zodiacs are believed to affect personality, fortune, etc, and instead of getting your zodiac by your birth month, you get your zodiac by your birth year. If you are interested in your Chinese zodiac, you can type in your birthday on this calculator and read about it.

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What happens during Chinese New Year and how long do you celebrate it for? Lantern Festival?

On average, Chinese New Year is celebrated for about 15-16 days (from about New Year’s eve to the first full moon). Preparations start seven days before New Years because stores and restaurants close and people travel to be with their families. Most students are also on their big break during this time - they get off from school around the beginning of january and go back after Chinese New Year. It should also be noted that Northern China and Southern China celebrate the new year differently.

During the preparation period, people go shopping for food and decorations. They also clean the house very well. If living in a different city than one’s family, many people will travel back to their hometown to celebrate with family.

During the New Year’s Eve period, the house is decorated with New Year’s decorations, and there is a reunion dinner with family at the host’s house. Out of all the dinners you have during the year, it is incredibly important you don’t miss this dinner, which is why there are so many issues with travelling during this time. At this dinner, you eat many lucky foods such as dumplings and fish. Also during this time, the older generations will give younger generations something called 红包, which translates to “red envelope.” These envelopes are filled with money and are only given on very special occasions such as new years and weddings. Friends give these to each other, but it is not common at all for a younger generation to give one to an older generation person. There is a custom where families stay up late to “watch over the new year,” which is called 守岁. Late at night, people also like to go to temples to hear the first bells of the new year ring because they believe it will drive away bad luck.

On Chinese New Year’s Day, fireworks go off, families cook and eat large meals together, sacrifices are made to ancestors, etc. (Fireworks are especially important because they believe it will make your business more successful.) One popular tradition you might know of is the dancing lion/dragon parades where people wear a dragon costume and parade through the city. Dragons are very representative of Chinese culture and are thought to bring luck to a community. Lions are a symbol of protection.

For about a week after the first day, most people go visit family and friends. A lot of times people will visit the other side of their family. For example, someone will spend most of the time with their mother’s side of the family during the new year, then during this week, they will go visit relatives of the father’s side.

After that week, most people go back to work. This is around day 8-10. Businesses, restaurants, and stores reopen, and many people leave their hometown to go back to jobs in the city.

Day 15, the final day of Chinese New Year, is the Lantern Festival. On this day, the first full moon of the new year happens. To celebrate, people will light more fireworks, revisit family, eat sweet dumplings (called tangyuan), and participate in the Lantern Festival. People release lit lanterns into the sky to honor dead ancestors. This is called 元宵节.

You can read more here.

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What foods are eaten during Chinese New Year, and what do they represent?

During Chinese New Year, many special foods are eaten, and these are foods that are considered to be lucky and to bring fortune into the new year.

1. Dumplings - represent wealth. Dumplings take hours to make and involve family help. They’ve been eaten for at least 1,800 years and are especially popular in northern China. It is said that the more dumplings you eat during the new year, the more money you will make.

2. Fish - represents prosperity and success. The word “fish” in Chinese sounds like the word “surplus” in Chinese.

3. Glutinous Rice Cake/Nian gao - represents success in your work (more money, better position). 

4. Spring rolls - represent wealth. They get their name because they are most often eaten during the Spring Festival which is CNY. This dish is more popular in eastern and southern China.

5. Oranges, tangerines - represents luck and fortune. This is originally a Cantonese custom, but many people grace their tables with citrus fruits. The word for “tangerine” sounds similar to the word for “good fortune” in Chinese.

6. Longevity noodles - represents longevity. These noodles are longer than usual to represent a person’s long and happy life. This is more commonly eaten in northern China. *It should be noted that these are mostly eaten on birthdays but can be eaten during the NY as well.

7. Sweet rice balls/tang yuan - togetherness in family. This food is eaten during the Lantern Festival, the last day of Chinese New Year. The shape and pronunciation is associated with closeness of the family.

8. Snacks - represent a sweet and pleasant life. Any sweet snack like dried fruit, candy, tanghulu is eaten during this time.

When it comes to food during Chinese New Year, there are superstitions about how foods should be prepared and what makes them lucky. You can read more about them here as well as here.

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What kinds of decorations are put up in houses during the new year? What do the colors represent?

1. Spring/door couplets - These couplets originated in the Shu era. As seen in the picture below, you post these on doors in couples - in Chinese culture, even numbers are seen as good luck. On many of these couplets are written wishes or poems for the new year. Each couplet should have the same rhythm and the same number of words.

2. Paper cutting - Translated as “window flower,” these intricate, red paper cutting pieces are placed on windows and often represent the zodiac of the new year or other symbolic animals such as fish, dragons, and phoenixes.

3. Upside down characters/Fortune - Many Chinese people during the new year hang up positive characters such as Fu, which means happiness and good fortune. It is written in calligraphy on a red piece of paper and then put upside down on doors and windows. It is hung upside down because the people want the good fortune to fall down onto them.

4. Red lanterns - These lanterns push away bad luck and are seen during both the Spring and Autumn Festival. They can be hung on trees, outside houses, etc. There are also many styles - they can come in many shapes and have symbols written on them.

5. Kumquat trees - As said before, citruses represent good luck and fortune. People place kumquats and citrus fruits on their tables or decorate their homes with small kumquat trees.

You can read more about decorations here as well as here.

Common colors seen during Chinese New Year are red and gold, but green can also be found.

The color red is not only dominate during Chinese New Year, but it is also very representative of Chinese culture as well. Red signifies fire, good fortune, and happiness. It is representative of good luck, keeps the holiday very joyous, and scares away bad spirits.

Gold or yellow is considered to be a very beautiful color. Gold symbolizes wealth, riches, and prosperity.

Green represents money, harmony, and growth. 

Though these are the most common colors, it should be noted that a color combination of green and red is considered to be tacky in Chinese culture. 

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What do people wear during Chinese New Year?

On the first day, it is traditional to wear new clothes and new accessories as it symbolizes new beginnings. However, there are people who like to wear sentimental accessories to respect and remember their ancestors.

Some people like to wear traditional Qipao/Cheongsam, Tang Suits, and Hanfu, but many people stick to western clothes like skirts, dresses, and pants. There is also a tradition of wearing lucky, red underwear for New Years.

Tang suits are the most popular to wear during the New Year, Qipao is also popular, but it is often too cold to wear during the winter months. Many people are starting to wear Hanfu again to celebrate the new year, but it isn’t widely accepted yet to wear during the new year.

During the new year, people wear a lot of red and gold. It is important to NOT wear mostly white and/or black. These symbolize death, and white is worn at funerals. Anything that is bright, bold, and upbeat should be fine to wear, but you should go for something that is red.

*If you want to wear something that is traditional Chinese for New Years, please make sure you know about cultural appropriation and know how to wear these properly.

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As there is so much information about Chinese New Year, I cannot possibly tell you all about it in one post. It is truly something that you must experience in your lifetime. It is very beautiful, fun, and there are so many things to do and celebrate. I ask you that you please research this more and look at all the beautiful pictures of food, lanterns, fireworks, etc. 

Please stay safe and 新年快乐！

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

romeo must die

this one-shot is based on the song Romeo Must Die by Gabrielle Aplin, I highly recommend listening to it! shout out to @eugeniaslongsword for introducing me to it :) i even borrowed some lyrics from it haha. it is also inspired by the entire playlist I made, "being treated badly by someone doesn't make you love them more"

content warnings: past toxic/unhealthy relationship, the uncomfy 6-year age gap between Alastair and Charles

Masterlist | Read on AO3

"Alastair, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

Alastair looked up from what he was working on. He was in the library of the Institute, along with Cordelia, Thomas, James, Matthew, and Christopher. They were searching for any clue as to how Lucie had done what she’d done or what Tatiana and Belial were planning. Alastair wasn't entirely sure how he got roped into the ordeal, but it seemed as though Thomas suggested him as an extra set of eyes, and Cordelia latched onto the idea.

"No," he said curtly, returning to his reading.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no. I'm quite busy at the moment." Alastair spoke under his breath, not wanting to draw the others' attention. How many times had Charles barked the same words at him, swatting him away, hacking away at paperwork or planning his next step in his career? The words sat bittersweet in his chest.

"Surely you could spare a few moments."

"I certainly could. But I do not wish to." Charles had a way of getting into his head and twisting his words and his feelings. It was not an experience he wished to revisit. It was better here, with an audience. It had also been easier in the infirmary, knowing that he held all of the power. His father had made him feel the same way, he thought bitterly. He understood now that what he'd done at school was not only to protect himself from the bullies. He wanted to reclaim the power stolen from him by his father; he wanted for once in his life to hold power himself. He hadn't yet come to the realization that holding that kind of power did nothing but harm. It was of no use, anyways, because it didn't matter how much he perfected his tongue and his wit on the other students at the Academy, he was never able to use it when it counted. Not with Elias, and not with Charles.

"It's fine if you need to take a few minutes, Alastair,” Cordelia said gently. All of the eyes in the room had come to rest on the two of them. Now he wished he’d spoken louder.

“It’s alright, Charles was just leaving.”

He had hoped that Charles would give up and leave knowing that everyone was watching him, but he was determined. He grabbed Alastair’s arm. “It’ll just be-”

Alastair stood, but pulled his arm away. “Don’t touch me.”

In a flicker, Alastair saw it: the anxiety began to set in. Charles began to realize that he would not be able to play his usual tricks. “Why are you acting like this?”

“I believe I was quite clear when I told you I don’t wish to speak with you. You’re the one who can’t let this go.”

“Must you act so childish?”

He rolled his eyes. “Must you always call me childish for thinking for myself instead of catering to your every whim?”

“I don’t understand. You said we were fine.”

Alastair sighed. Perhaps for a moment, he thought that was true. For just a second, he thought there was a world where he and Charles could be friends. But Alastair had decided that he would no longer call people who hurt him his friends. “Yes, well, I lied. I wanted to let you down gently, but it’s clear to me now that it must be spelled out for you. How shall I put this? You and I are past our dancing days, Charles.”

“But-” He stammered, searching for words. “What happened with Grace Blackthorn wasn’t my fault.”

“Maybe not. But what of Miss Bridgestock? Am I to pretend that what happened with Miss Blackthorn was not the same as what happened two years earlier?”

“You told me many times that you took no issue with that, that you understood.”

“I understood what you told me, which we both know was never the full truth. I was a sixteen year old desperate for your affections, and the fact that you truly believe I never had any issue with your arrangement is proof that you never genuinely cared about me or listened to my thoughts. I told you in the infirmary that this wasn’t your fault because I thought it’d ease the pain, but I lied. And I don’t have time to sit here and watch you cry over it.”

Alastair wished that watching Charles become flustered would have been more enjoyable. Instead, all he wanted was for this to end. “You- you’re different than when we met. You’ve changed. You’re cruel and callous, I don’t understand how I could not see how heartless you were until now. You are everything that everyone claims you to be. How am I to even know what the truth is when it comes from your lips?”

There was a time when those words would have cut deeply into him, eating at his every insecurity, but Charles mistakenly assumed that Alastair was the same person he was last July, with the same insecurities. “When we met, I was fourteen years old. I’ve grown up, and it is time for you to do the same. It’s been six months, Charles. You need to stop writing me. If that makes me heartless, I don’t care. And if you wish to know the truth, the truth is that the moment you leave here, if I never see your face again, it still will not be long enough.”

Charles stared at him for a long while, unable to find a proper retort. In the end, it was Matthew who stepped in. “Charles, I believe it’s time for you to go.”

He obliged, finally turning to leave the library. As he began to walk away, however, Alastair knew that he was not finished. His heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of such a confession, and faster again when he realized who would hear it, but there was no piece of parting with Charles that he wished to regret.

“Wait,” he said. Charles froze and turned to look at him. “I know it’s unlikely that you have it in the cold depths of your soul to care, but let the record show that I would have given you everything. I would have given you my life, all of the love and trust that I had to give, and then I would have given more. And you gave me nothing. So the next time you’re pondering my heartlessness, you ought to wonder what that means for you.”

Finally satisfied, Alastair did not wait for Charles to turn and leave again to return to his seat and pick his reading back up. He waited for a moment, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him. He stood once more, opening his mouth to speak, but the words were caught in his throat. Instead, he walked out of the library in silence.

Finding the nearest balcony, he attempted to steady his breath.

“Are you alright?” He heard from behind him. Thomas. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

He shook his head. “I just needed some air.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Alastair sighed. He backed up against the window and slid down to the floor of the balcony. “I know- I know that everyone sort of knew already, but… by the Angel, I feel so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Thomas told him, sitting down beside him.

“You were right, of course you were. I was so… taken with him, back in Paris. I couldn’t see him for what he was. I was so naive, so foolish. I just- After everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve been through, how did I not realize-”

Thomas put his hand on Alastair’s knee. “You wanted to see the best in him. After everything you’d seen and been through, you wanted to believe that there were still good and honest people in the world. And there are. I’m sorry that he was not one of them, but that does not make you foolish or pathetic. It makes you… kind.”

“I bet you’d never imagined describing me as such before.”

“It seems you’re full of surprises,” Thomas teased. “But that’s not true. I always saw the kindness in you, even back at school, when you did everything to keep it hidden.”

“As you can see, my ‘kindness’ has never gotten me very far.”

“You were out of practice. Following me on my reckless nighttime patrols, that was kind. More than kind. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that, for risking your life to protect mine.”

“I didn’t do it for gratitude.”

“And yet I owe you mine nonetheless.”

“I can’t go back in there, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can tolerate you and your friends hating me just fine. But if any of your friends give me even an ounce of pity- well, we’ll see just where the limits of my kindness lie, won’t we?”

Thomas stood up, offering Alastair his hand. “Pity comes from those who cannot even begin to understand what you’ve experienced. For what it’s worth, I don’t think my friends will pity you. But if they do, you can ignore them. For Lucie.”

Alastair sighed and allowed Thomas to pull him to his feet. “Fine. Let’s get back to reading.”

“Speaking of reading, do you have the entirety of Shakespeare’s canon memorized, or only the lines you believe may pop up in conversation?”

“Excuse me?”

“‘For you and I are past our dancing days,’ it’s Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it? It’s the only one of his works that I got through.”

Alastair froze. “You haven’t read Hamlet?”

“I tried.”

“Othello? King Lear? Macbeth? Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

He shook his head.

“That’s impossible. And James is friends with you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Wait until my sister finds out you haven’t read Hamlet,” he warned, starting towards the library with urgency in his step.

“Wait, don’t- I just don’t like Shakespeare! What’s so wrong with that?” Thomas’ attempts at reasoning were futile, however, a welcome distraction from all of their recent sorrows finally taking hold.

Thanks for reading!! This was self indulgent af lol. I'm not to sure whether some people only wanted to be tagged in my social media AU, so if that's the case I'm sorry & please tell me!: @stxr-thxif @chaos-and-starlight @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @eugeniaslongsword @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid @writeforjordelia @sapphic-in @thecodexsays @fortheloveofthecarstairs @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @shadowrunner2000 @thewarthatsavedmylife @fair-childd @icouldnotask @shadowhunting-hooligans @melanielocke @clarys-heosphoros @kiwichaeng @lightwoodsimp @thecrimsonsorceresss @theenchanteddreamer @adams-left-hand @yozinha-z @ipromiseiwillwrite @skirtsandsweaters @goodoldfashionednerd

[lambourngb]

a skeleton of something more [2/6]

previously here. malex wip fic. a short serial leading up the premiere.

spoilers for the trailer and promo, will be instantly AU. If I’m going to the trouble of writing a malex fix-it for the season 3 opener, why not fix 2x13 too?

**** THEN **** 

After Alex closed Tripp’s journal, he met Michael’s gaze across the table at the Crashdown. 

His golden-brown eyes were heavy with pain, the reminder of how his mother’s story had ended was still fresh between them despite the span of months since the fiery end of Caulfield. What had resulted in being the fiery end of them, even though Alex hadn’t known it at the time. The look of sleeplessness in Michael’s face reminded Alex, that outside of this small piece of Nora, he had the weight of Maria still in the hospital recovering from the pathogen Flint had released. The press of the Deep Sky ring in his pocket warred with the hesitation to place one more burden on Michael, would the abacus of their fragile friendship balance out?

He flashed to that last argument in Michael’s bunker, a disaster of his own making, thinking he could believe in his father, but thankfully harm was averted at Crashcon. That recent memory was motive enough for Alex to decide. Whatever happened next, he needed Michael on the same page with him.

As Isobel moved to leave the table, explaining to Michael that she needed to check on Max, Alex held Michael’s gaze deliberately. Then he folded his fingers down, until the last three fanned out in a downward W. 

“After what happened with Maria, maybe you should come with me, Michael. You can help me shake some sense into Max,” Alex heard, tuning back into Isobel’s voice. Her eyes moved back and forth between them, a crease of suspicion wrinkling her upturned nose, as she stopped on him. “It’ll be a good distraction.”

Without looking at Isobel, Michael’s eyes remained trained on Alex’s hand. “No, thanks, I’m good here. I’ve had my fill of stubborn ass people who don’t want to listen to sensible advice from me, so I’ll catch up with you later, Isobel.” 

She made a dismissive huff but did not argue, leaving with the barest semblance of a polite goodbye to Alex, but that was typical Isobel Evans. Michael waited until his sister was on the other side of the door, before speaking quietly, his gaze finally moving up from Alex’s hands to his face. “I haven’t seen you flash that sign to me in years.” 

“Glad to know you haven’t forgotten it.”

“You, making the ‘wait for me, I want you now’ signal? Nah, that’s been burned into my brain over the years.” Michael said it with a faint trace of bitterness. “I guess news travels fast, Maria only dumped my ass this morning.”

Alex winced and looked down, swallowing the surprise and spark of hope that welled in his throat at that disclosure. It was better to concentrate on the unique talent he had of stepping on landmines around Michael, than wonder about what had happened with Maria. It looked like he was still good at causing harm without intention, judging by the stung bite in Michael’s voice. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have-”

“No, I’m sorry,” Michael cut off his apology firmly with a wave of his hand, calling a time-out. Alex waited, his teeth pressed into his lower lip as Michael rubbed his eyes with a weary half-smile. “I’m being an asshole right now, and that’s not fair to take it out on you. It’s been a shitty day already, and — anyway, … you definitely know how to get my attention, Alex.” He tilted his head, self-deprecation on his face, “for better or worse, you’ve always been good at that.” 

It had been the sign they had developed whenever their paths had crossed over the years while Alex had been on leave in Roswell, but it had started that summer after high school. After Michael’s hand had healed poorly from Jesse, the last three fingers had been left frozen in a claw, it had been a shared fuck-you to his dad to use it to form their own secret communication. A three-fingered W, turned upward meant it wasn’t a good time, and he would find Michael later; turned downward, well, that meant it was safe to approach him, and it had often ended in a hurried blowjob in his car. Perhaps he should have used more care in using it now, but Michael wasn’t the only one running on the fumes of insomnia and stress. “Sorry, I needed to talk to you, and I wanted to make sure you didn’t leave with Isobel-”

“It’s fine, really. It’s not a bad memory either, remembering that we had our little secret language.” Michael wiggled his fingers in reassurance, his left hand still wrapped with a bandanna. “I can make that signal a hell of a lot easier now, too. But anyway, what did you need?”

There was still a voice inside Alex’s head that said ‘you’, no matter how long it had been. He shoved that down deep, along with his curiosity about Maria, and concentrated on his purpose. “Your advice on something, and then if it’s not too much to ask, your help.”

“Anything.” 

Alex blinked, nonplussed by the easy acceptance. 

Michael gestured encouragingly, “seriously, anything, just tell me what’s going on because the way you’re hemming and hawing, it is freaking me out.” Suddenly, all expression washed out of Michael’s face as a horrible thought occurred to him. “Did you get deployed or something?”

“Not exactly, not how you’re thinking,” he winced at the earned glare from Michael as he continued to stall while the words still tripped and fumbled around his mouth, heedless to the mounting frustration between them both. He sighed, and regrouped. Pushing the closed journal aside, Alex dug into his pocket and laid the signet ring on the table before Michael. “Let me start at the beginning, I found this in my dad’s things.” 

“Jesse never seemed like a jewelry kind of guy to me.” Michael picked up the ring, examining it closely with a sarcastic smirk. “Other than parading around town with that wedding ring, when everyone knows your mom left him back during the Bush years, Dubya that is.”

“My father is all, was all, about appearances.” Alex placed the photo of the group on the table, sliding it over to him. “That ring marked his membership in this paramilitary group called Deep Sky. Every man in that photo worked at Caulfield, at one time or another.” He tapped his finger over the face of his father, then moved it to the right. “That’s my dad, and that is Ricky Long.”

Michael frowned, pulling the picture closer to squint at the faces. “Wyatt’s dad?”

“No, Forrest’s.”

“Nazi guy? Seriously?” He rubbed at his chin, the stubble longer than usual painting his jawline. Alex dragged his eyes away with effort as Michael considered that information. There was a reluctant understanding in his eyes, having recalled that Forrest Long wasn’t just ‘Nazi Guy’ to Alex, but someone who had expressed interest in Alex. Personal interest. “I guess that’s something you guys have in common then, dirtbag dads.” 

He didn’t look thrilled to admit that to Alex, but it was a mark of how far they had both come as friends that Michael had said it anyway regardless. It was kind of him. It was the same type of empathy Alex had extended toward Michael, when he had expressed interest in Maria. Cut open, bleeding under his skin from all the ways he had squandered his own chances, he had said something similar to Michael once upon a time. That was what love was all about. Then he had kept saying it, until he believed it most days because wanting Michael to be happy was the easier ask.

It was a gracious sentiment that was entirely wasted by Michael when it came to Forrest Long. 

“It would be, uh, something to bond over, if I hadn’t noticed that Forrest wears the same ring now.” 

Michael’s eyes sharpened. “Family heirloom or do you think he worked at Caulfield?”

“I don’t know, but he is an ex-Army vet.” Alex tapped the photo of the members gathered together, “That was part of what I’ve been looking into, identifying everyone who worked at Caulfield right until the end. As for Deep Sky, I don’t know if it’s military service, Caulfield, or a family legacy that ties every member together, I just know that Dad kept in touch with those who were involved at the prison.” 

“Makes sense, Jesse was able to get a hold of the atomizer and pathogen that Charlie developed from somewhere. For all of his strutting around at Crashcon with a uniform on, that didn’t look like it was an official use of government property.” 

“Right, it definitely wasn’t, and before you tell me to leave it alone-” Alex began, remembering Michael’s response to the investigation into 1947. He had considered Alex’s actions back then to be an act of futility, something that could only hurt by being revisited. The past being the past, unable to be altered. 

This time Michael cut him off, “No, I was wrong about that. I, um, I finally realized that just because I don’t see you connected to that place or the rest of your family, doesn’t mean you don’t. And while I wish that you didn’t, Alex, if digging into this gives you some sort of peace over it, then do it.”

Alex looked down, feeling the weight of relief that Michael understood. After his father’s body had been removed, after the questions and lies had been spun, he had spent the entire night sleepless over having been made into an effective weapon to force Michael’s compliance. Helena had known where all the weak spots were thanks to Flint, and had armed herself with a depowering agent. Once Flint was recovered, there was nothing stopping him from employing a similar tactic in the future.

“If anyone’s going to destroy me, it might as well be you.” Michael had once declared with a bold carelessness that had infuriated and terrified Alex at the time, but that was nothing compared to now having a lived experience to back it up. His mind had easily used the memory of Maria’s collapse after the faintest exposure at the Crashcon and had exchanged her with Michael, being torn apart molecule by molecule, by an invisible threat.

Give him an enemy that he could see any day, especially one that bled. 

“I’ve been fighting so long, I don’t know what peace looks like anymore.” Alex held out his hand for the ring, and Michael gently laid it in his palm, brushing his fingertips over Alex’s skin. A lifetime of controlling himself kept the reaction off his face as he rubbed his thumb over the raised emblem of Deep Sky. “But I have learned recently that when something seems too good to be true, it is.” 

Neither of them mentioned Jesse and his performance from the last few months, but Michael frowned again, “Wait a second, you think Forrest targeted you on purpose?” 

“A member of a secret paramilitary organization just happens to ask me out after I was involved in the destruction of Caulfield? You really think that’s a coincidence?” Alex raised his eyebrow skeptically at Michael, before looking out the window to watch the pedestrians on the street. 

“I think you’re the hottest guy in Roswell, so I’m not surprised he asked you out.” Michael flushed a little when Alex turned back to stare at him in surprise over the flattering comment. “Seriously, you’re a catch, but I will agree, it’s not a good look that he’s got that ring. But maybe it’s crap he wears because of his dad, and he’s got no idea he’s parading around?”

“You’re being awfully generous.”

“Isn’t that what you want? Because last time I checked, you were the one telling me that I should have faith in people, even if they give me no reason to.” Michael flattened his hands on the table, drawing Alex’s attention to the bandanna on his hand again. That damn fight kept echoing between them to Alex’s dismay, but Michael didn’t let him linger over it, “While I stand by what I said about Jesse, ‘cause he messes us both up, all I know about Forrest Long is that he is way too interested in Nazi history and he has good taste in guys.” Michael wetted his lips, nervously to tack on, “I also know that I trust you, and your instincts, so if you say there’s something not right about him, then I believe you.” 

“There’s something not right about him,” Alex repeated seriously.

“Then I believe you, so what do you need me to do?”

“He wants to get close to me for some reason, probably related to what I know about aliens, so I’m going to let him. And I need you to back me up in case something goes wrong, and maybe use that lock pick you have in your brain?” Alex waited until Michael nodded in agreement, feeling the swell of gratitude at his support. Anyone else would probably think he was being paranoid, or that this was a delayed reaction to his father trying to kill them, but Michael, for all of his previous counter-arguments, had never truly believed in the good of humanity. Maybe in a few days, Alex would feel guilty in relying on that. Maybe in a few days, his suspicions about Forrest would be eliminated.

“He’s involved in running the open mike night at the Wild Pony with Maria, so I thought maybe I could perform a song or something? He drives a Prius, and while he’s listening to me sing, you could slip out mid-song and insert this into the code reader of his car.” 

On the table was a small device that mimicked a thumb drive, small and black. It was the type of technology that Alex had used in the Air Force, tracking terrorists abroad. It had taken a fair amount of searching to purchase the equivalent stateside to have on hand. Michael picked it up curiously, turning over his hands.

“It’s designed to download the GPS history of his car,” Alex explained, before rubbing the back of his head in thought. “That’s how I uncovered what my dad was up to, first by tracking his movements. If I let Forrest take me home, I can gain access to his laptop and phone.”

Michael furrowed his brow in concern, “You’re really willing to go that far? And what if he is involved in something shady, what then?”

“My father and brother both used me to get to you, there’s really nothing I wouldn’t do to keep that from happening again and if it means playing along with this guy, letting him lead me to the members of Deep Sky? Then I will.” If anything, his words only deepened the concern on Michael’s face, but Alex had been committed for a long time. Since the red level threat. Since the short ride to the recruitment office. Maybe as far back as his guitar going missing in the music room.

“I’ve slept with guys for worse reasons.”

CONTINUED HERE

[lancermylove]

Teenager MC 6: Revisit (HC)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: Demon Bros x gn!Reader, platonic. 

Warning: Angst.

Requested by: @dexpairs-blog

Prompt: Hello!(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ Ok so i had this idea(for like DAYS lol) for the teenage mc, this is gonna be pretty angsty and prob long so if you want you can ignore it! After the incident ™ and the whole Lilith thing (you know that the brothers basically saw them as a replacement for Lilith) MC decided that they wanted nothing to do with them anymore so they pretended to get along with them only to ignore the brothers and pretend this whole year never happened at the end of the exchange program. And like,, this leaves them confused asf and then Dia tells them that they told him that after what happened they straight up decided to lie to the brothers for the rest of the year and that they wanted nothing to do with them and that they don't want them to be in their life anymore. BUT NOW THE GOOD PART COMES IN, After YEARS the MC who's now a fully grown adult (like around 24/25) comes back to the Devildom with Solomon to visit the undateables since they kept in touch over the years and they're still bitter about it, how would they react to it? Would they try to earn MC's forgiveness or would they hold a grudge against them?I'm Sorry to request this but✨angst✨HSKSHSKSH I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LONG😭 YOU CAN IGNORE IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT!! Also i know you write for like four characters but i also saw you write for everyone so idk gsjsghs you can choose if you want only a few characters or all the brothers.😔 Have a nice day/night and stay safe!!💕💕 Love your blog 🥺

A/N: HI! I would never ignore such a good request~. :3 LOL, I think most of us have a hidden (or open) love for angst. Oh, I changed the 4 characters thing last year to no limit! I put 4 character at the beginning because I wanted to settle into writing, and now I’m comfortable to do all characters with getting overwhelmed. BSTS has 26 character, and I wrote for all of them in one HC. XD Aww thank you!! ❤️😘

———————————————

Lucifer

Lucifer was at a loss for words after hearing Diavolo's explanation. Being the Avatar of Pride, he knew treating you like someone else would injure your pride, but he was hurt regardless. 

He and his brothers treated you like family, watched over you, wished for your happiness and well-being, and this is how you repay them? If you had any issue with anything, why didn’t you just tell him? Why did you pretend and hurt all of them? 

Your pretense and sudden change of attitude directly wounded his pride. 

When he heard you returned after all these years, Lucifer frowned and asked Barbatos, "Why inform me? I'm certain they will not want to meet me. Now, excuse me." 

You wanted nothing to do with him and his brothers, and he wanted nothing to do with you.

Lucifer mumbled to himself as he walked away, “You are right; you are not Lilith. She was kind and would never have put on an act of pretense.” 

Mammon

Mammon shattered when you ignored him. He trusted you and even thought of you as his family, so why did you choose to hurt him?

Even when he learned the reason, Mammon’s pain didn’t lessen. Was it wrong to compare you to someone they cared deeply about? Didn’t you trust him enough to talk to him about this? He would’ve explained and even would've heard your side. He would have done anything to make you happy. All you had to do was tell him. 

Asmo informed Mammon about your return to Devildom, and the Avatar of Greed couldn't stop himself from visiting you. He hurried to the castle and threw his arm around you. “You’re back!” 

When he felt your muscles stiffen, Mammon released you from his embrace and looked into your eyes. "All those times ya smiled at me...was it all pretend? When you said ya like me, was it all a lie? When you said ya cared about me...you were acting?” 

Tears filled his eyes as he gripped your shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me the truth? We loved Lilith with all our heart, and we loved ya too. So...why did ya have to hurt us? We trusted you...”

Diavolo, Barbatos, and Solomon remained silent and watched the two of you. 

“We knew you weren’t Lilith. We watched her die in front of our eyes...we couldn’t save her...but,” Mammon lowered his head and closed his eyes, “ya meant everything to us. We knew you weren’t Lilith, but having ya around made us feel like Lilith was with us.” 

Mammon frantically wiped his face with his jacket sleeve and averted his eyes. “You hurt us...you hurt me...and I w-won’t forgive ya for t-that.” 

He reluctantly walked out of there, holding the urge to turn around and look at you. 

Levi

Levi felt his heart slowly breaking into pieces. You never liked him? You only pretended to be nice to him? All those things you said, all your words of encouragement were a lie? His chest ached, and he couldn’t breathe properly.

You were just like everyone else. He should’ve known better.

He was right to stay shut in his room. People only knew how to hurt him, and you weren’t any different.

When Levi heard you returned, he slumped back into his gaming chair. He increased the volume of his game to drown out any unwanted thoughts.

He forced himself to focus on his raid, but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Levi was having a hard time breathing and felt lightheaded.

The Avatar of Envy shook his head and told himself to focus, but tears clouded his vision, making it hard for him to navigate his in-game character.

Wasn’t hurting him once enough? Why did you have to return and bring all the pain back? He didn’t want anything to do with you, so why didn’t you just leave him alone?

Satan

Satan was upset when he finally learned the reason for your sudden change of behavior towards them.

Being a logical demon, he couldn’t fathom why you had to pretend. Why didn’t you just tell them the truth? Was it that difficult to say, “I am not Lilith, so stop thinking of me as her replacement!” Sure, your statement would have pained them, but they would have understood.

Would it not have been easier to come clear than put up an act? So, why?

The swirl of emotions building up inside him forced Satan to unleash his wrath. In his blind-rage state, he nearly injured some of his brothers, but Lucifer and Diavolo managed to get him under control before he did something he regretted.

When Satan heard you returned, he simply replied, “I see.”

He didn’t want anything to do with you. The last thing Satan wanted was for his wrath to get out of hand again. He didn’t want to hurt any of his brothers, especially not because of you.

Granted, he never met Lilith, but he knew how much his brothers cared for her. He had heard stories and shared Lucifer’s visions, and Satan knew for sure that you weren’t Lilith, and you would never be like her.

Asmo

Asmo couldn’t believe his ears and could only stare at Diavolo with wide eyes. It never dawned on him that he and his brothers were treating you as a replacement for Lilith.

Though your pretense hurt him, he could understand your point of view. If someone treated him as a replacement, he would be upset with them as well.

When Asmo heard you returned to Devildom, he wasn't sure how to feel. He wanted to meet you but knew you didn't want to see him. The Avatar of Lust decided to visit you, considering he wanted to apologize to you.

Asmo slowly walked up behind you and spoke softly. "Hi, sweetie. I'm glad to see you're doing well. You may not want to see me, but please listen to what I have to say."

He stepped in front of you and took your hands in his. "Sweetie, I am so sorry for hurting your feelings. I don't blame you for what you did, but dear, why didn't you tell us? You didn’t have to pretend. If you had spoken up back then, we would have mend our ways. All of us missed our beloved sister, so..."

Seeing your expressionless face, Asmo changed subjects. "Anyway, I simply wanted to apologize to you. Please take care of yourself, and sweetie, you look beautiful."

Asmo forced a smile before releasing your hands and walking away.

Beel

When Diavolo told everyone what you said to him, Beel broke.

He knew you weren’t Lilith but having you around lessened his guilt for not being able to save his sister. Learning that you didn't like being Lilith's replacement, Beel was in turmoil.

The demon truly cared about you and thought you cared for him as well. He even shared his food with you, so why did you hate him? Was seeing you as Lilith bad?

When you returned to Devildom as an adult, Beel got so excited that he forgot what happened in the past and came to meet you. But when he saw your bitter expression, he froze.

Beel approached you and tugged on your sleeve. "I missed...you. Are you doing okay?"

You chose to ignore him, but Solomon couldn't brush aside Beel's disheartened expression. "Beel, it seems like (Y/N) is still upset. Could you leave them alone?"

"But...why are you upset? I am sorry if I hurt you." The Avatar of Gluttony replied.

"Are you truly sorry? Do you know the reason why you hurt them?" Solomon asked, but Beel shook his head, "I know you miss Lilith, but treating (Y/N) as a replacement was unfair to them."

The demon remained silent for a few seconds before mumbling, "Treating her as Lilith?"

He began to recall everything he and his brother had done. Beel felt guilty; he knew you weren't Lilith, and now, he realizes treating you as a substitute was wrong.

"I am s-sorry," he whispered, lowering his head, "I was happy to see you. I couldn't save Lilith, so meeting you...it felt like she came back. I am sorry...I promise I won't bother you again."

Beel dropped a bag of your favorite Devildom sweets in your hand. "These are for you."

Saying those words, he turned and dragged his feet towards the exit.

Belphie

Belphie was angry after hearing Diavolo’s words. Every inch of his body, mind, and heart filled with anger. He hated humans but meeting you changed his mind, and this infuriated him. He was right to think that humans are vile beings. He was enraged at himself for allowing you to influence this thought. 

How did Lilith fall for a human? How did such a caring, loving, and kind angel fall for such a creature? How he wished he had learned of this and stopped Lilith, then none of this would have happened. 

Belphie’s resentment towards humans returned tenfold. He wished he had never met you. 

When the Avatar of Sloth heard you had returned, he was ready to manifest in front of you in his demon form and attack you. But Beel stopped him, “Belphie, don’t.” 

“What do you mean, Beel? (Y/N) hurt all of us. The entire time they were only acting...we were wrong to think of them as our family. We...trusted them.”

“Belphie, Lilith wouldn’t want you to hurt (Y/N).” 

Hearing Beel’s words doused Belphie’s wrath. He decided to let you live, solely for Lilith’s sake. For the time being, he was going to take a nap and calm his mind. 

———————————————

➣ Obey Me Masterlist ➣ Buy me a Ko-fi or Commission?

[drarrymybeloved]

for the romance

i’ve been toying with the idea of sharing a few fics i've read for easy access to my faves + author appreciation, and i finally decided to just get off my ass and do it!

this is, in no way, a comprehensive list (it is also very subjective-not a rec list although you're welcome to use it as one!) & i’m sure i’ll be making a part 2 to this at some point in the future. also, these are my interpretations of the fics, so maybe for u it's not the romance that pops out in these & that's okay!

as the title suggests, these are fics i read for the romance <3

1. Turn by Saras_Girl

you knew this would make it onto the list. of course it would. i think we’ve all wondered at some point or the other what would happen if we had done that one thing differently & Saras_Girl explores this concept of actions and their consequences so intricately, i could lose myself in it (and i have. multiple times) the characterisations too are original yet spot on- blaise was such an ebullient surprise! i thought about putting it on my 'for the plot' list too for sheer length + fleshed out plot, but at the end of the day, i come back to this when i want to read a soft familiar romance

2. The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken

read this fairly recently and what a treat!! two idiots pining after each other, a relationship-but-not-really, super earnest draco & a harry that is so completely gone on draco- what more could you want?

3. Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy’s Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by dustmouth, nerakrose 

a soft & sweet fic i’ve revisited so many times. featuring harry working in an archive & draco researching death (ways people have died not the actual concept, it’ll make sense i swear) in said archive. i loved the exploration of draco’s anxiety & the way he deals with it & harry understanding his asexuality. also really appreciated the underlying emphasis on communication & consent between partners. 

4. The Kisses Don’t Count, If No One Else Knows by oldenuf2b

friends with benefits to fake lovers to actual lovers?? delicious smut streaked through with aching tenderness?? sign me tf up. featuring quidditch player draco, minister for magic harry, under secretary hermione & (scarily competent) head auror ron. this fic gave me everything i could ask for & then some more. 42k has never felt shorter.

5. Right Hand Red by @lqtraintracks

a classic drarry fic, this was one of the first i read and i was immediately enamoured. the slow build up of tension between draco & harry eventually reaching a fever pitch- not quite a slow burn but the effect is the same- keeps you on the edge of your seat, just waiting for the collision you know is coming. the balance of fluff & angst is ideal, with the angst leaving you yearning for the sweet ending more than aching through the angsty bits, if that makes sense.

6. A Song, Incomplete by RurouniHime

this is a fic with layers to it- it features middle aged draco & harry and is essentially placed in present time. it’s left to the reader to pick up on the information given by the author & piece together the backstory of the characters post-war, something i thoroughly enjoyed. the relationship between draco & harry before the events of this fic is hinted at so you know the basic outline of what happened but it’s not so thoroughly fleshed out that there’s no room for subjectivity (again, something i love). the characterisations are so rich, albus especially was so interesting to me, both as a character & the nature of the relationship he shared with his father. the balance between plot and romance is fairly even, but the slow build is just so intense & rife with emotions, it really feels as if the plot is background for draco & harry’s relationship. this is an achingly sweet fic as opposed to a feel-good fic, but definitely one i've revisited many times.

7. Good to Me (And I’d Be So Good To You) by AWickedMemory (TeddyLaCroix)

such a sweet 8th year fic with harry determined to make friends with a subdued draco & then falling for him along the way. i love how well both boys know each others tells & draco’s reluctant acceptance of harry’s attempts at friendship is so endearing. special mention to an apparently oblivious hermione who was (in true hermione fashion) not oblivious for a second & was in fact the reason harry confessed his feelings for draco. definitely a fic that’ll make you smile!

8. if you've changed your mind by warmfoothills

mamma mia au!! need i say more? though i suppose it's not so much an au as it is draco just going full donna-from-mamma-mia post-war. complete with an island, a son, and an embarrassing diary found by said son. 

9. Way Down We Go by @xiaq

(this is going to go on my 'for the plot' fic list too because Reasons) this has all of my favourite tropes oh my god. i love xiaq's take on werewolf!harry; it's so refreshing to see were!harry that isn't like, a big dramatic thing. less beast of the night, more cuddly silly large dog. on that note, draco figuring out that harry is a werewolf in like, 1 second, is so spot on lmaoo. the slow burn is so good (so much domesticity!! so! much! also hurt/comfort). it has a dash of angst which is balanced out so well by the fluff. i've read it recently so i'm waiting for it to settle into my memory a bit (do y'all do that? is it just me??) but this is definitely a fic to revisit.

[flutteringdreams-matw]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks for the tag @dp-marvel94 - first time I've been tagged like this. I have a full fuzzy heart right now!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 7 but attempting to clean up and move fics to AO3. I've got about 13 on FFN. 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 184 768 3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? On AO3 - 1, on FFN 2. Almost all Danny Phantom except for an old Merlin one shot. I'd like to revisit that Fandom one day - I just got so busy with school :/ The merlin fandom is quite awesome. 4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1) Twist and Turns 2) The Road to Normal 3) Making the Grade 4) Out of Time 5) Undeserved Punishment 5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for? Out of Time but honestly I'm grateful for any attention I get. 6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes! I have been bad at it for AGES but have recently gotten in the habit of replying once every two days. It brings some serotonin to my brain. I don't get many comments or kudos - so it brings even GREATER joy when I get to reply.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Uh.... I guess it would be Just a Clone an old oneshot from Dani's perspective after Kindred Spirits (right after it aired). It was maybe the 2nd thing I posted on FFN. 8. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Have not done a crossover yet - not for lack of ideas. It's just not something I'm good at. 9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Remember when flames were a thing? Also, quite a guest reviews on FFN who impersonated people's accounts. Just... not a good thing to do. 10. Do you write smut? if so what kind? NOPE. 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have not - honestly don't think anyone would want to but please be my guest! 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet - but did start the planning process over on FFN with MsFrizzle for something. Still working out timelines/commitment! 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? Canon pairings so Amethyst Ocean. Not that I won't read or enjoy other pairings so long as it's close to canon or very well done. 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Hmm. See the whole reason I came back to writing was to finish all the WIP fics I didn't finish. Underserved Punishment was left sitting for 6 years. Making the Grade was TEN. YEARS. But have since finished them both. Currently, I guess it's an unpublished short work called "Worth of a Pawn" from Vlad's perspective in Reign Storm. I started it, have made attempts to finish it... but writer's block and life.

15. What are your writing strengths? Huh. Um. Hurt Comfort? Friendship? I'm hoping characterization?

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Honestly, I have a love/hate relationship with action/fight scenes with heavy dialogue. For a while I thought it was humour but Road to Normal has been going well so far? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? If you can do it - do it responsibly. 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 15 (or 16?) year old me sat in a dentist office and wrote the entirity of Escape from Fear Island and an untitled angsty torture fic with Danny finding Dani in the Fenton Basement in a notebook. Then I read Tortured Truth by Darth Frodo on FFN and went "oooh... that was better." I published EfFI instead and started to plan more in that universe.... and am still going 15 years later. 19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? What. Ugh - do I have to lol? I love Making the Grade for many reasons, but I think Out of Time has started to replace that. 20. What fic are you most proud of? Out of Time - hands down. All of the ecto-storm fics hold a place in my heart but there are some parts of this story that have been in my head since I wrote EfFI in 2006/7. I just... I look at the almost 110k words I've written for that story (that isn't already on AO3... still working on catching up!) and realize how much time it's spent in my heart. Everytime I post a chapter, I feel like a piece of myself is out their in the world. An insane world with many ups and downs. We're getting near the end now and I had literal tears when I finished the last chapter a couple weeks back. Tagging: Oh gosh I'm new to tumblr! Um... @dekalko-mania @captain-ozone and anyone else who wants to do this? So many people have done this already, I'd hate to double tag! Please go for it - share your story!!!

[hotdamnhunnam]

Will Miller: Sex in Publix

A/N: FINALLY writing for Will Fucking “Ironhead” Miller from Triple Frontier!!! So excited, my dears!! Here’s some smut about you helping Will recover from his violent cereal aisle incident at Publix... which results in you two having shameless public sex.

Pairing: Will “Ironhead” Miller x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, reference to traumatic experience, sex in public (obvs) Inspiration: WILL’S SPEECH from the opening scene of the movie. Serious big dick energy 🥵

Word Count: ~2.5k

** THE SPEECH **

Quoted from Triple Frontier’s opening scene

Parts that are referenced in this fic are in bold below. (You seriously need to watch it, though...)

About five years ago, when I was on leave... I found myself standing in the middle of the cereal aisle at the Publix... with my arm around some guy's throat. I was squeezing so hard he pissed himself.  My fiancée at the time had to climb on my back just so I didn’t actually kill the guy.  Do you know why I was doing this? Because he hadn’t moved his cart when I asked.  I was the best of the best, able to shut down, control, manipulate... all basic human instincts towards one goal: the completion of my mission. But the effects of committing extreme violence on other human beings are biological and physiological. That’s the price of being a warrior.

Fic begins after ‘Keep reading’ ...

***************

A/N: Why yes, I just inserted the same gif again, so that you have the image right above, for purposes of the description of this mouthwatering motherfucker doing his GODDAMN CHEWING GUM LOWER LIP TONGUE THING in the third paragraph 😛

“We shouldn’t even be here...”

“Will, you say that every time,” you remind your fiancé as he strolls your cart through the aisles at Publix, slowly approaching Aisle 6. You can feel him tense up now as you’re drawing near. “It’s like I told you, babe—the best way to work through your shit is to come and revisit the scene of the crime.”

“Crime?” he rolls his tongue around the piece of gum he’s chewing, lets it slide along the inside of his full pink lower lip. He knows just what he’s doing: making it bulge in a way that looks fucking delicious. That action in itself is a crime calling for arrest. “You know the guy didn’t press charges.”

“That’s because you threatened to kill him if he did. Besides, the poor bastard had just pissed all over the floor; I’m pretty sure he wasn’t going wild to include that kind of detail if he filed a police report.”

He shrugs that off with a half-laugh. Tries to ignore how he had choked a total stranger with such brutal force... simply because he hadn’t moved his cart when Will had asked. “The fact stands that I’m criminally innocent.”

“Of course. The perfect model citizen,” you can’t help but indulge him in a playful little compliment. “With model good looks, too.”

Will rolls his eyes, those eyes you constantly effuse are the most gorgeous shade of blue. He never seems to think it’s true. “Butter me up, why don’t you.”

“Like I always do.”

He cracks a smile, which quickly vanishes as you reach Aisle 6. “Speaking of which, didn’t we just finish the butter in the fridge? I’ll go and grab some; maybe you can get the cereal, then meet me in the dairy aisle...”

“Nice try, big guy—not happening. Come on,” you urge, taking a soft yet firm hold of his muscular upper arm. “What, are you scared of Cap’n Crunch or something? Man up, Captain. Don’t be a pussy ass bitch.”

“Cap’n Crunch is creepy as shit. Freaked me out as a kid,” he says with an exaggerated cringe. “But seriously, babe—you know that going back there makes me... twitch.”

“And I’ll be there to hold your hand, and talk you through it, like I always am,” you reassure him. “Will, it’s gotten better every time we visit. We’ve made real progress; it’s a process, and to be honest, I think it’s almost finished.”

He bites that luscious lip of his. “What if it isn’t.”

“Then we’ll keep trying till it is, okay? You have to trust me. Either way, we’ll hurry home, soon as we’re done... so you can fuck me.”

His eyes light up at that, just as you knew they would, and he pushes the cart straight ahead. Not afraid to admit he’s been played. “Damn does my girl know how to control and manipulate...”

“I learned from the best of the best, as they say. My big strong ironhead fiancé.”

As it turns out today, the sex will happen long before you leave the store. Neither of you will be able to wait.

***************

“So. How you feeling?” you ask him, standing by his side in the spot where it happened. As he stands still and stares, you reach up to comb your fingers through the soft golden spikes of his hair, hoping that the tender loving touch will help his healing.

Will chews his gum a little harder, with a firm clench of his jaw. Blue eyes a little darker. And good God—you shouldn’t be having these thoughts, but fuck, the smoldering look on his face right now is just about the hottest thing you ever saw...

You can see the scenes replay inside his mind. Not just the incident itself, choking a random guy in Publix half to death, squeezing so hard the bastard lost his breath and pissed himself—but more importantly, the underlying cause. Years of trauma, molding Will into a man that he himself feared and despised. So many years spent searching for the kind of peace he always craved but thought he’d never find. 

He tells you often how he found it in your arms; though you’re a sucker for his charms, you always brush the line aside. That shit’s just corny. And besides, he only says it when he’s horny... which is all the fucking time.

One of the many things that you two have in common. Ever since Will Miller claimed you as his woman, the two of you have been getting it on so fucking often that it’s probably a crime.

You try to stop your mind from wandering in that direction. Will needs to process heavy shit right now and you’re supposed to help him. Shouldn’t get distracted by your own lady erection, as you silently admire him in all his alpha male perfection... mind burning with questions—like, but how the hell can it even be possible to be so fucking beautiful...?

His hands aren’t twitching in the way that often happens when he’s here, but still, he’s awfully tense and quieter than usual. Maybe it’s time to head out of the cereal aisle; return some other time, after a little while. You hold him close to whisper in his ear, stroking his arm with a warmhearted smile. “Listen, babe—if you don’t want to talk... then let’s go home and crack open some beer, or a bottle of wine... I’ll suck your cock, and everything will be just fine. I’m proud of you for coming here today. Now let’s get out of here so you can come someplace better, okay?”

Now at that, Will at last has a few words to say. He snaps out of his self-hating haze and attacks you just with the sheer power of his deep blue gaze. “Mmm, you mean like deep inside my filthy little whore of a fiancée?”

You feign offense, reacting with a gasp, dealing his upper arm a playful little slap. “Captain Miller! What gives you the right to talk to me like that—in public, no less? Show some damn respect.”

He answers with a flirty, dirty laugh. “Respect my ass.”

“I do, and you know that. It’s perfect,” you remind him as you reach around to grab it through his pants, loving the way the sculpted muscle tenses up beneath your hands. “And I respect it even better when it’s naked, so let’s get—”

“Gimme a minute,” he interrupts you with a kiss on the top of your head. “You know, before you started talking all that frisky business... I was just about to tell you that I think we’re finally finished. Babe, you did it.”

You pause, dropping your jaw—does he mean what you think he does? Now that the tone is back to serious, you free his fine ass from the grasp of your horny claws. “...did it?”

Will smiles and nods. “I know my stubborn ass kept resisting these visits. But you were right, babe. Like always. I think I’ve finally gotten past this shit. I mean—not all my shit; that’s a serious beast. But the whole Publix incident, at least. I just... today I finally felt released. At peace with it.”

There are no words to capture how giddy you feel. You wrap your arms around his neck with an excited squeal, heartbeat happily racing. “Babe, that’s amazing! We did it. I may be the one with all the brilliant ideas, but you were smart enough to listen.”

He lets out a soft giggle, hugging you so hard it tickles. “I still say you get all the credit. Manipulating me with all those promises of sex the way you did. Straight up forcing me into submission.”

“Oh, don’t put it that way. Now let’s not forget who’s the dom in the bedroom. Promise you’ll always play Captain, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckles. “Whatever you say.”

The one thing on your mind as you snuggle into his embrace is this man smells like actual heaven... hot damn. You pull back from the hug, desperate to get home and get fucked. But there’s still one more thing to get out of the way.

You make some effort to compose yourself before what’s coming next. “Oh, and before we go—there’s something else I wanted you to know. Now that your issue’s been addressed... well, I also have something to confess.”

After those words, you pause for longer than you should. Which isn’t good.

“Go on?” Will holds your hand and gives you an encouraging, heartwarming nod.

Ugh, he’s so cute when he’s all soft and full of love. Despite being so big and tough. All at once a sugar baby muffin and a savage fucking sex god.

You clear your throat, collecting your slightly embarrassing thoughts. “So, when the whole... incident happened, in the moments just before I climbed onto your back, to pull you off of that poor man, I was just—watching you attack... and... well, at first I didn’t even know how to react, because... uhhh...”

Those blue eyes of his blink, and you can barely even think. Apparently you have a goddamn golden eyelash kink?

Will tries to urge you to continue; though it’s clear he’s quite sincere, he’s also more than just a little bit amused. He always loves to see you bumbling like a fool and acting totally uncool. He says it’s super cute. “Because what?”

You re-clear your throat, though it’s all clear already. Try to stay somewhat calm and steady. Keep your hormones in control. You are in public after all; people can see you even if they’re out of earshot. “I don’t know, it’s just—watching you do that was... I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was fucked up, and yes I knew it had to stop—but it was also... you know... super fucking hot?”

He blinks again, brows arching up a bit. “You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Y/N, I... I was out of my damn mind. Completely out of line. Like, deadly dangerous.”

“Oh, you think I didn’t notice?”

“No, I know you did...”

Fucking hell. You pull your hand from his and turn toward the shelves, grabbing a random box of cereal to occupy yourself. “Now you’re kink-shaming me. Never done that before, but now the truth comes out that I’m a sick and twisted whore—”

“What? Y/N, come on,” he groans, wrapping his arms around you from behind, the kind of big bear hug that always feels like home. “You know that isn’t how I meant it...”

“No, forget it. Just forget I ever said it.”

“Can’t really do that, to be honest. Babe, I’m into all your kinks, I promise. I just need a sec to process this.”

“Seriously—Will, this whole cereal aisle shouldn’t be about me. Even just mentioning it like I did was selfish. So forget it.”

“I’m not gonna just...”

“Hey, I have an idea,” you interrupt, eager to change the subject, as you now notice that you’d just happened to pick a box of Cap’n Crunch. With the creepy cartoon captain’s face emblazoned on the front. “What if you need a final outlet? Just to let off any steam that might be lingering, to make sure that you’ve really gotten over the whole cereal aisle incident?”

Will purrs as he leans closer into your shoulder. You stupidly assume he’s also looking at the cereal box you’re holding, but he isn’t. “Hmmm, you thinking what I’m thinking...?”

As it happens, you’re totally oblivious to what he just implied, since you’re still trying to recover from embarrassment. You step off to the side, pulling away from his embrace so that you’re standing face to face. And hold the box in front of you like it’s a martial arts board made for him to break. “Here, if you need something to punch... why don’t you let it out on Cap’n Crunch.”

He blinks, again, apparently a little stunned. You’re too oblivious to even notice that he has a hard on.

You gesture toward the crunchy cap’n. “Go on. Clock him one.”

Will shifts uncomfortably in an attempt to hide the stiffness of his cock. “Punch a cereal box? Babe, this is fucking ridiculous...”

“This creepy bastard haunted you throughout your childhood,” you remind him. “Come on, do it, Will. Show him who’s captain. You know it’ll feel good.”

He tosses a quick glance behind him to make sure that no one’s around to witness. “Can’t believe I’m gonna do this, but if you insist...”

Balling his right hand up into a fist, he fucking launches it at the cartoon son of a bitch. You know he didn’t go full force—the blow would’ve thrust you and Cap’n both across the room, of course—but he went hard enough to cause the cardboard box serious damage.

Will looks down at the damage he caused to his childhood nemesis, more pleased with it than he’d like to admit. “Well, shit.”

You flash him a triumphant grin, glad for the win. “Felt great, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did,” he laughs at himself with a shake of his head. “But the box is all busted.”

“Well, we are model citizens, so we’re obviously going to take responsibility and pay for this,” you tell him. “And William—don’t even think about bitching that Cap’n Crunch isn’t a worthwhile purchase. The catharsis that he just provided was worth it.”

Your fiancé is fully in agreement with that sentiment. “Sounds perfect.”

Moving toward your shopping cart, you pause before throwing the box in, stopping to salute the captain with one hand over your heart. “We thank you, Cap’n, for your service.”

Will lets out one of his loud, loving laughs and hugs you from the back again. “My God, you’re such a fucking dork...”

You shrug, melting into the hug. “Well, my dorky ass just singlehandedly took care of your entire healing process. So don’t knock it if it worked.”

“Oh, I wasn’t gonna knock it,” Will replies, suddenly spinning you around with your back up against the shelves, so you can see and feel the feral fire in his eyes. You practically just wet yourself. Even more so upon the words he utters next. “I was just thinking that I really wanna fuck it.”

Holy hell. This man is living breathing sex. Your words come out all jumbled up and shit. “What—how... you mean right now? In public?”

Will grinds his hips into your crotch so you can finally feel the stiffness of his dick. God, it’s so big. His every word and action never fail to make your pussy twitch. “Hmm, what is that I’m hearing... judgment? Are you kink-shaming me, bitch?”

Hot damn, you love how playfully sadistic your fiancé is. “No, I wouldn’t fucking dream of it. I love it,” you respond, succumbing to the force of his cock and the heat of your cunt. For good measure before you both give yourselves over to such guilty pleasure, to everything both of you want, you glance nervously up and down Aisle 6. 

All is clear at the moment. And if that unexpectedly changes... you know there’s a risk, the constant threat of danger of onlooking strangers... well, fuck it. You and Will won’t let that stop you from indulging in some shameless sex in Publix.

***************

... Continued in Part 2!

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[weeb-writor]

Meeting Shouta’s parents on Christmas

Hello all you beautiful people! So here is the last part in the Aizawa mini series. I fell in love with all these Characters and this head cannon so I will probably revisit them! As usually the reader is neutral in every since of the word! I hope you guys enjoyed this series. 

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Aizawa Shouta x Reader

After a month of preparation you meet Aizawa’s Parent over the course of a week

Words: 3,098

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five

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“Ooh my goodness what are we gonna do!?” You said pacing around your living room. Shouta looked at you and chuckled at your frazzled state.

“We get in my car and drive to my family house as planned, pretend to enjoy ourselves so we can come home and cuddle with my fat cats.” He said, pulling you into a hug. 

“You want me to show up to meet your parents without the gift I ordered for you dad? Shouta are you outta your mind.” You said to him with a pout.

“Well that's debatable but I do know my parents and they aren't even expecting anything so it's fine. You can just tell them we’ll get it to him when we get it. Now let's go!” He said trying to drag you to the car.

“Aizawa Shouta! I am not going anywhere unless it's to a store to buy your Dad a gift.” You said giving him a glare. He stared back as if to question if you were being serious. You cocked an eyebrow at him, challenging him to disagree.

“Were gonna be late to get there, do you want that?”

“Better to be late than to show empty handed especially when everyone else has gifts.” You said with a shrug. Aizawa laughed but nodded as you both went to the store. You wandered around the place for an hour before you found something you actually liked. Now you were in the car messily wrapping in as you pulled into the driveway of your destination.

“Okay goodness gracious we barely made it but we're here and I have gifts for all your siblings and their lovers and their kids! Didn't think I would pull it off but here we are in one piece.” You said mostly to yourself.

“Kitty Cat you start talking to yourself and I might leave you to enter the den of wolves by yourself.” Aizawa said as you both got out of the car. You let him take in your overnight bags and get help for the millions of presents somehow packed into your small car you didn't wait long as you felt as presence behind you.

“Hello you, perfect example of a gorgeous human being!” The voice said from behind you.

“Shinji, how nice to see you.” You said with a sigh.

“You know if you’re tired of sighing that way… I have a better way to make you sigh.” He said winking at you. You had to push back all the thoughts of murdering him and just smiled but before you could say anything another voice interjected.

“See I told you we had to come out here! Shinji stop hitting on y/n their dating our little brother you snake.” Saika said, hitting him over the head.

“Can't help it, sis!” He said with a laugh.

“Well for this week you absolutely will have better control overself or so help me God Shinji! Anyway y/n you’ve got me, Shinji and sora at your beck and call, what do you need help with?” Saika said with her graceful smile.

“Oh just this.” You said pointing to the car packed with presents. Sora seemed to choke on air at the amount of gifts.

“God, didn't Shouta tell you didn't have to buy everyone a gift, you poor thing!” Saika said hugging you.

“Well he did but I just really like you guys and loved getting to know you this past month so I wanted to.” You said waving her off.

“More like you wanted to impress our parents, huh cutie?” Shinji said teasing you before he started to grab presents as to avoid his sister wacks.

“Ignore him! My mom is dying to meet you, Shouta’s never brought anyone home.” She said as her and Sora grabbed some more presents. As they went in you pulled out the last two rounds of presents and waited for Aizawa who wasn't far behind.

“Hey love are you ready?” Aizawa said, picking up the presents you set out.

“I am totally not!! I barely remember everyone's name! We should just slip away right now!” You said beginning to pace some more.

“Babe i'm gonna go inside and wait on you, come in whenever you want but remember we are late.” He said with a light chuckle.

“Sho!! don't you go into your house without me!” You said picking up the gifts and following him like a lost puppy. That was that and soon you were inside the house with a lot of eyes on you. You followed aizawa while bowing and placed the toys underneath the huge tree.

“Alright now that that’s done let me meet the one whose stolen my baby’s heart so effortlessly!” A woman said coming over to you. You bowed deeply to her and she let out a melodious laugh.

“How cute, no need to bow so deep! I should be bowing to you, you who is able to make my stoic Shouta blush, giggle and pout!” She says grabbing your face and pulling it around as if to inspect it.

“Oh Honey, you stop it! They are just being polite, you know like Japanese culture requires them to be.” A tall man said coming over to you.

“I'm just saying! Anyway you can call me Mina and this is my parasite of 41 years Hirohito! Nice to meet you!” She said hugging you, you were a bit surprised by how informal and kind they were.

“Excuse my parents, they were born and raised in America! No less Japanese but they are a bit more informal and that does shock a lot of people.” Shojiro said scratching his neck. 

“Oh hush boy! Don’t put a warning label on me and your mom as if we are damaged goods.” Hirohito said, knocking him over the head.

“Now it’s getting later we should all wash up and get ready to eat! I made something special for you all. And Sho I put a king size bed in your room since you’ve finally brought someone home. If you want to take advantage of that and make me some grandchildren then don’t worry we will hold up dinner for you!” His mom said kissing his cheek. He groaned and grabbed your hand and pulled you away and soon you were in his room.

“See, was that so hard?” Aizawa said with a flushed face.

“Ehh you look like it was, tomato paste! But I think it went okay! I can do this!!” You said hyping yourself up.

“Yes you can, kitty cat. After dinner only 6 more days to go.”

“WHY do you guys do Christmas gatherings for a week!” You whisper yelled at him.

“Because we have a doting mother who wants to smother us every chance she gets and a father who would do anything for her.” He said serious, you laughed and got ready for dinner. When you and Aizawa made it to the dining room, you were met with three huge dining tables. Almost every seat filled.

“Sweetheart, you and y/n come sit right here! I’ve got so many things to ask you!” His mom said waving you over.

“Thank you… Mina. Your way to kind!” You said with another bow. Dinner was pretty quiet at first but how quiet can you be with like 30 people in one room.

“Saika, dear, you were in charge of the schedule this year can you read it off for everyone.” Mina said.

“Of course! So on the 20th aka tomorrow it’s all about decorations and the tree! 21st is all about taking the kids to see Santa! 22nd is Family photo day! 23 is the gingerbread houses contest and reindeer games! 24th is sugar cookie making and movies! 25th is a grand breakfast and present opening! Bring forth the cup of straws!” Saika said giggling. Sora rolled his eyes but got the cup and passed it around, everyone taking a straw. 

“Okay now blow into if red dust comes out you’re in charge of taking the kids to see Santa!” She announced and everyone did. Of fucking course red dust billowed from you straw. You looked at Shouta and he shook his head at you and your heart dropped.

“So then it’s me and you, how fortunate!” Shinji said waving at you. You couldn’t control yourself and your head dropped onto the table dramatically.

“Haha, Shinji y/n already knows what a pain in the ass you are! you must be losing your style dear! Not to worry y/n, Shinji will be on his best behavior won’t you?” Mina said as an ominous silence fell over the room. Shinji didn’t hesitate to nod.

“Okay then! Y/n, welcome to the Aizawa family. I hope you enjoy your first Christmas with us! With that let us begin the 6 days of chaos!” Mina said laughing lifting her glass, everyone joined laughing. Okay maybe this won’t be so bad you thought for a brief second.

20th - 5 Days till Christmas

“Dad I understand you like to hang lights up dangerously but do you have to drag y/n into it.” Aizawa said as he watched you nervously. You were on the roof helping his dad put up a few decorations and lights.

“Of course I did, if they’re gonna be an Aizawa one day they gotta learn all our trade secrets.” He retorted as if it was common knowledge.

“I’ve never seen my little Sho so worried. I can’t figure out if it’s because your kind and you love him so much or if you’ve got him by the balls or maybe even both.” Mina said with a slight chuckle. This made you warm in embarrassment and you lost your footing and began to fall, of course taking the old man with you.

“Shit!” Aizawa said as he quickly used his capture weapon to grab both you and stop your impact from being damaging.

“Yeah alright, me and y/n are opting out of decorations this year.” He said dragging you who was still in his captured weapon toward the door.

“Oh honey calm down it would have just been a small bump and maybe a sprain. Would you at least help Shinji and Sora with the kids, decorating the tree?” She said with a kind yet manipulative smile. Before either of you could respond yelling was heard from inside

“Damn it, Yukio stop breaking the glass ornaments and Maki stop recording and help me!” Shinji yelled. 

21st- 4 Days till Christmas 

“Shinji what the hell do we do!” You said pacing.

“Hold on stop talking I’m thinking.”

“Like hell I’m trusting your brain! We just have to ask them to let us take pictures anyway.” You said with determination. You see everything was going well until and elf said something to Haru that Jun took as bullying. A fire light in that boy like you had never seen he was on top of the elf giving him the business in seconds. After he just mumbled things like ‘Bakugou said you can’t let people bully you.’ And ‘gotta put bullies in their place.’. Then when you tried to get him to apologize he glared and said ‘no, I can’t let that bully win’ and just like that y’all were kicked out.

“No look let’s just disguise them! Tetsuya and Haru stitch clothing and Haru and Umi switch! Then Maki will take them and her pictures with them.

“What about Maki though they saw her!” You said not believing you were actually going along with his crazy plan.

“Oh I have a change of clothes, gotta be prepared when you’re going out with uncle Shinji!”  She said cheerfully.

“That’s my girl! Now go do this thing!” He said giving her and high five. Someone how Shinji’s ridiculous plan worked and the parents didn’t even notice, they were all too drunk or tired. 

22nd - 3 Days until Christmas 

“There is no way I'm taking pictures wearing this.” Sora said as he pulled the clothes from the box.

“Yeah mom, why did you make Sho pick clothes this year you know he cant even dress himself! It’s because you babied him so much, you know.” Shojiro said, looking as equally as disgusted at the clothing.

“Hey now! I put my baby in charge of the clothing and you all are gonna wear it, end of discussion. Also if anyone babied him it was all of you so blame yourself.” Mina said, ending the discussion as Shouta wore a crazed grin.

“I like the clothes Uncle sho’ta.” Nozomi said rocking on her heels.

“They are pretty cute huh?” He said ruffing her hair.

“Ah ah ah! Don't you go infecting my kids with your bad fashion sense!.” Saika said, covering Nozomi's ears. At this you all broke out into laughs before heading to put on the outfits and prepare for maybe the most embarrassing photos known to man.

23rd - 2 days till Christmas

You were not an artist by any means but when you heard the winner got the honor of passing out presents you were purposely trying to lose. You knew them apart mostly but if they were all wearing the same pajamas with their hair tied back it was going to be a stuttering mess. However your plan of making a 3 out of 10 gingerbread house was foiled quickly. Aizawa wasn't really a competitive man or so you thought but when you to were paired against Shinji and Shojiro he went berserk! You looked at the gingerbread MANSION with a sigh.

“Shouta i’ve never seen you so invested! It's amazing.” Said Shizumi the resident artist in the house.

“Yeah uncle Shouta and L/N! You definitely got my vote!” Daisuke said smiling at you, you smiled back at him warily. The family all wrote down the people of their choosing and put it into the Santa hat. Now as names were being drawn you were biting your nails.

“Shouta and Y/n will be our Clauses this year.” Hirohito said with a small smile.

“Yay y/n wins.” Haru and Jun danced around you. You giggled before glaring at Aizawa in a way that said when we get home your sleeping on the couch, he just kissed you sweetly.

24th - 1 Day till Christmas

“Uncle Shouta stopped making so many cat cookies! Santa wants other shapes too!” Tetsuya said, hitting Shouta repeatedly on his legs. You laughed evilly as you formed another cat cookie and wrote Shouta’s name on the corner.

“I like your cat cookies.” Nozomi said, playing with her hair. Aizawa picked her up and spun her around.

“Okay, yep that's weird Baby brother! Why is Nozomi clinging to you? What did you do?” Shiori said looking back and forth from you and Shouta.

“Nothing.” Shouta said with a smirk. The family then looked at you hopeful.

“Well would you look at that! It's about time to watch the Grinch isn't it, Rei?” You asked the young boy. He eagerly nodded wanting to escape the situation. 

“You got Rei too? What is happening!” Saika said as she grabbed Rei bringing him to her chest.

“Huh where is your DVD player? I got to put the disk in.” You said completely ignoring her.

25th - Christmas Day

The gift giving had been going pretty successfully. You only Stuttered a few times but you hadn't given anyone the wrong present and let Shouta take the ones with Nicknames you didn't know. But this right here was the moment of truth, the moment you had been preparing for. In your right hand you had a gift for Shizumi and in your left one for Saika. You looked at the two twin like sisters and handed the gifts to each respectful sister hoping you were right. They opened the gifts and smiled so you guessed you were correct had everyone's eyes not been on you, you would have done a happy dance.

“Alright last gift before Mom and Dads are for Miss Nozomi!” Shouta said signaling you to get the present you and him picked out for the young girl.

“Alright this is from me and Uncle Shouta!” You said to the girl handing her the blue box. She said a quiet thank you before tearing into the box. Inside the box was a note which she took out.

“Look at your favorite uncle.” She said before looking straight at Shouta making all the other brothers gasp. In Shouta’s arm was a cute 3 legged kitten which had the girl darting toward him but slowed when she got to him so as not to scare the cat.

“Thank you!” The girl said, rubbing at her teary eyes. You and Aizawa had been teaching her how to care for cats knowing she wanted one. In all honesty she knew she was getting a cat she just didn't know when. You had asked her parents as well but didn't tell then when either so as to have a bigger reaction from the family.

“No need to thank me! Just promise me to take care of him real well.” Aizawa thumbed away the last of her tears. She nodded rapidly before snuggling the kitten who seemed to enjoy the attention. The last arc of gift giving went well as did the extravagant breakfast you had all prepared together. Now you were all saying goodbye.

“Y/n dear I do have one last parting gift for you.” Mina said as you rounded the corner with your bags. You placed down your bags and went to her side.

“I know you and Shouta haven't been together too long but I want to thank you. He acts tougher than he is. He would rather bear all the responsibility and pain and suffer alone. Not to mention the way he puts himself in danger rather than ask for help. With you he seems different, and you put him in his place. You’ve made me feel at ease for the first time since he entered UA as a student. So welcome to the family, we're so glad to have you.” She said putting something into your hands. You bowed at her and opened your palm to see a key to this house and a few pictures taken over the course of the week. You waved goodbye to them all and got your bags and made the short trip to your car where Shouta was waiting.

“Why do you look like you're going to cry.” He said worried.

“Because there are 365 days till next Christmas.” You said to him smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~

MHA Masterlist

[julieloveupstead]

"So Happy and So Grateful and in Love" - Part 2

Decription: The best day in their lifes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prov Hailey:

We decided to get married on the Greek island of Zakynthos because of my background. Jay is very interested in Greek history and even asks me to learn the language, which is sweet of him. This is one of the many reasons why I fell in love with him. The fact that he wanted to learn every little detail about me and now the place where I was born is amazing. Even just thinking about those tiny details in which pure love from his side spoke, tears come to my eyes. I closed my eyes for the hundredth time not to spoil the makeup that Stella put on me a few minutes ago and breathed in the fresh Mediterranean air. I was thankful that we weren't getting married in a church in Chicago with lots of guests, but with some of the closest people in our lives in Greece outside in front of such a beautiful view of the sea. I can't believe this is actually happening, that in a few minutes I will stand in front of the man who is my everything, my anchor, my rock, my peace and my soulmate and vow to love him to the grave.

- Are you all right Goldilocks? - I heard the question, so I opened my eyes and met the brown eyes of desk Serge

desk who has always been a role model for me for so many years and was like a mom to me. I owed so many things to Trudy Platt and I could not even imagine missing her on the most important day of my life. I gave her a sincere and grateful smile and she returned the favor which is something very special about her and something that doesn't happen very often which makes me feel even more special that I am one of the few who can see the other side of her.

- It's all right Serge - I wiped a tear that ran down my cheek. - Stella is going to murder me, this is the fourth time she has to fix my make up. - I joked and we both laughed.

- It's true - admitted Platt. We stood in silence for a moment, staring at the view in front of us. - Hailey, I know I'm not always nice and pleasant, and I'm not often complimentary, but I'm very proud of you as a beautiful, confident woman. I am happy to be a part of your transformation. - She looked at me with tear-stained eyes. Damn, this is the first time I've seen our sergeant like this. - Hailey you know I never had the chance to have a child, but I wish I had a daughter like you - unfortunately Kidd is going to kill me because I cried again, damn. I didn't know what to say to those words so I just decided to give a big hug to the woman who saved my life many years ago, who gave me purpose in life.

- Serge, you don't even know how much your words mean to me," my voice was breaking, but I kept talking. - I love my mother, but many events in the past have made my relationship with her far from a mother-daughter relationship and I have come to terms with that, but then you came along and you are not very patient - I prefer not to risk her anger even on my wedding day. - but I feel like I have a better relationship with you than I did with my birth mother. I am grateful to you for so many things. I wish my mother was like you, Trudy, and you don't know how much it means to me that you're here. Platt pulled me close, and I snuggled into her. I don't know how long we stood there, but we only pulled away when we heard a quiet grunt from somewhere on the side. I looked in that direction and saw Will standing there with a big smile and Vi standing to the side of him with a bouquet of flowers for me.

- Hailey remember that if you tell anyone about this I will deny everything - I looked at the Sergeant, who was deadly serious.

- Copy you - I nodded, and in a moment she was no longer with me.

- Are you ready? - asked Vi coming up to me together with Will. I nodded as a sign that I was ready. - Here - she handed me a bouquet of white and pale pink roses. I took it and leaned over to smell it.

- Well good, because I can hear the bells starting to ring already - Vanessa said with a smile, gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked away leaving me with Jay's brother.

- Hailey

- Will

we said at the same time and burst out laughing.

- Speak first - he showed me to start.

- Okay, so I wanted to thank you for trusting me with Jay, I promise I'll never hurt him and thank you for accepting me into your family - I wanted to say something else but my voice started to break again. Damn this was supposed to be my happiest day ever and I wasn't supposed to cry and today I'm doing nothing but crying. Ehh.

- Oh Hailey it is my honor to have you become a member of our family of two. - He laughed confidently at the memory - For many years me and Jay didn't have a good relationship. We both did a lot of stupid things. Jay changed completely after his mom died, he and his dad got along badly, I left them both, and most of all what happened in Afghanistan, the thing with Erin and everything else caused Jay to come to darkness. I was afraid of losing him, another family member, my only family - I could see how much it was costing Will to revisit those bad memories. I didn't feel any better. Every time I recall the moment I meet his little brother. I realize how little we would have missed having Jay with us. - Ehh - Will wiped a quick tear running down his cheek. My eyes welled up with tears too, once again. Damn, how much can you cry? - And then you showed up and everything changed. My brother finally saw that there was something to fight for. I got my brother back. Smiling, full of life, and it's all because of you, Hailey. - I tried really hard to keep the tears from flowing, but I couldn't. All I could do was hug Will tightly. - We have to go now," I pulled away from him when I heard the wedding music play. I hurriedly wiped away the tears that were streaming down my cheeks and nodded because that was all I could say. Will gave me his arm, which I accepted, and we both walked slowly down the aisle.

As I walked I loved the smiling faces of not friends, but family. And never before have I been so grateful for them as I am now. Being here I realized how lucky I was and that after all the years of hell I had been through fate was finally smiling down on me and something inside me told me that this was just the beginning. When I stood next to Jay and looked into his eyes I saw glassy green eyes and in them was infinite love.

- Are you okay? - I read the question from his gaze and nodded in response. Even after six years, I can't get over how much he cares about my well-being, my opinion. I'm not exaggerating here to say that he treats me like a princess. How did I ever deserve this man?

- Well," began the priest, to whom I turned my attention. - We have come here to witness these two people in love pledging their love to each other until the grave. Looking at them, I don't need to know them personally to know that the feeling they have for each other is unique and unprecedented. You, since you are here, probably feel the same way, and since you know them better than I do, you will agree that they love each other very much, and today's ceremony is just the icing on the cake of their relationship. - He paused so the guests could nod their heads in agreement. - Now it was time for the bride and groom to take the floor. Hailey will you begin?

Oh my gosh, I can feel my throat tightening and now all the guests have gone quiet, even though the ceremony is outdoors, I can't hear anything but the sound of the sea behind me. I breathed deeply a few times to calm down my thoughts and to be able to form coherent sentences. I would like to say so much to him, to express how much I love him, but I am afraid that I will not find the words to express how much I love him and how much he means to me. I hope that what I say now will be enough.

- Where do I begin here? Ehh. When we first met in that bank we were at a completely different stage of life, but by some miracle we caught a connection. I immediately noticed that underneath the mask of a closed off, uncompromising, former wtereran, cold and withdrawn was hiding a kind-hearted, sparring and sensitive man who had lost his way a bit and was broken by demons from his past. It was hard to get through your barriers and get you to trust me, but when it finally happened I was overjoyed. There were times I was scared for you and then my heart would break into little pieces because for some reason you were already close to me then. I, on the other hand, was no better. I didn't tell you much of my demons, but I always knew that if I had to share my story with anyone it would be you and only you. Because there's no one I trust more than you. From the first day I met you. And maybe it took four years, two gunshots, a kidnapping and my move to New York for us to understand, for me to understand that you are more than a work partner to me, more than a friend. So that I would have the courage to be in tune with my feelings, because our job really, I don't know when it could be our last day. When you met me I was, in fact I tried to be tough, strong, withdrawn and above it all. Life has thwarted me many times, since I was a child I had to learn to hold my head high and fight, I was broken, I healed many wounds, some new ones appeared but in the end thanks to your help I got back on my feet, wounds heal, although I still have a lot of work to do to fully recover but with you all the stages, this war for myself is easier. For years I did not allow myself to think that I could fall in love, that I would be standing in a wedding dress in front of a man whom I love, with whom I want to live my life and the thought of starting a family will germinate in my head. And this prospect, which only 6 years ago scared me, now I look forward to what the future will bring with you. - I finished. I let out a breath that I didn't even know I had been holding in. I was so offered by my monologue that I forgot about the presence of those gathered. I wiped away the tears streaming down my cheeks and looked at Jay, who had a look of boundless love in his eyes, and the tears streaming down his cheeks were going into oblivion. I can't ever get over how much love this boy has for me. It's impossible to comprehend how special it makes me feel.

- Okay, now it's my turn," he grunted, his smile always reserved for me, full of love and something I couldn't name until now. - I've never been good at saying what I feel, but I'll try now - he joked - You came into my life unexpectedly, at the worst time of my life, when I didn't care about anything. I was falling into a black abyss, but every day I came out of it. At first I didn't know why your opinion mattered the most to me, why every thought was about you, why everything I did was with you in mind. I'm a veteran of the military for me jumping into the fire of bullets, entering into different dangerous situations was not a problem before, I did it with my eyes closed, but since the battle in that tunnel those 4 years ago after my death, when I saw your face, scared and broken, something changed in me. I wasn't so willing to risk anymore, in some strange way you made me want to be more careful, but then this thing with Angela came up and then I realized I had to fight just for you, I wanted so much to see your beautiful ocean blue eyes, a smile that is the most beautiful and wonderful I have ever seen and heard. You are the first thought and the last. I'm in love with you like crazy, I can't think, sleep, eat and function normally and only when you left for New York it came to me that I can't and don't want to lose you. Everyone but you. You don't even know how much it means to me and maybe it's selfish of me, but I'm overjoyed that you chose me, that you honored me with the chance to get close to you and I promise that you will never regret it. I will spend every hour, minute and second to bring a smile to your face, tears, but only those of happiness and I will do everything to make you happy, because only you matter to me. I love no one more in my life than I love you and our baby - his gaze fell on my belly. That's how I took the test yesterday and it turned out that under my heart is the fruit of our, my and Jay's love. He was by my side every step of the way from buying the test to the result. He was so happy and I was with him. Now we are going to be a real family. The three of us. - The two of you are my world and will be my world to the end of my life," he finished.

My heart stopped with love, I've never heard such beautiful words and every time I think I can't love him more it always turns out how wrong I was. Jay let go of my hand that he had been holding and used his thumb to gently wipe away the tears from my cheek. At this gesture I closed my eyes to completely surrender to the feel of his warm skin on my cheek.

- Now it's time for the bride and groom to exchange their wedding rings," said the priest, who I had forgotten about a few minutes before, just like the rest of the people in the church. - I'll ask the best man to give them to me. - Mouse took a small maroon square box from his jacket pocket and handed it to the clergyman, who took it. - Please - he opened the item and waited for us to take one each. I turned the ring over and noticed that they were engraved with "I'll folow you anywhere" our password in Jay's handwriting. I looked at Jay' who just smiled widely at me which I reciprocated. I shook Jay's hand, he caught it gently as if I was made of the most fragile piece of glass. Little gestures like that make me smile all the time.

- I'll folow you anywhere - he said, slipping the ring onto my ring finger.

- I'll folow you anywhere - I repeated after him.

- Now the bride and groom can kiss each other - and without any delay we both joined our lips in a kiss and even though we have exchanged these kisses from millions each one was special and so is this time.

- I love you Jay - I said as I pulled away from him.

- I love you Hailey - he said and kissed me again.

Nothing else mattered, just him, me, and this little life that was beginning to grow inside me. Whatever the future held for us it would always be me, him and our baby until the end of the world and one day more.

[starf]

StarF’s Top Ten Albums of 2020

Another year, another list. Let’s not even bother with the preamble this time around, you get what it is.

10. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - RAZZMATAZZ

Let me tell you right now, I struggled with this tenth spot. There were about four albums that were pretty much tied once I narrowed it down this far because it was a jam-packed year. Ultimately though I had to give it to iDKHOW for their smooth brand of piano rock-pop. This is their debut album and it brought the heat. While it didn't dazzle me immediately, with every subsequent listen I feel a little more of that promised razzmatazz from the title. I also absolutely love the ballad "Nobody Likes The Opening Band," which will certainly be a fun song to hear them perform some day whether they're the opener or not.

9. The Front Bottoms - In Sickness & In Flames

The last offering from The Front Bottoms, Going Gray, left me feeling a little lukewarm. In Sickness & In Flames, however, is a much stronger return to form for the band in my opinion. Some people say all of The Front Bottoms' albums sound the same, and maybe that's a little bit true. But maybe 2020 is the year that we needed to hear some new Front Bottoms material. It was a strange time for all of us, and in these times this kind of album just hits different. From the optimistic opening of "everyone blooms" to the infectious singalong moments of "Fairbanks, Alaska," this album is a good time all around.

8. The Used - Heartwork

Did you know The Used is still around? Not only still around, but apaprently they never went away! When I saw that they had released a new album early in the year I assumed it was a comeback, but I was wrong! For me there was a 12 year gap since I had personally listened to a new Used album, and this one blew me away in a big way. They're still going big, going hard, and rocking their signature sound - but updated for the modern age. This is a band that has managed to hold on to their roots while successfully adapting and progressing into the future.

7. Oliver Tree - Ugly Is Beautiful

Where do you even start with an artist like Oliver Tree? An absolute master of internet marketing, the release of this album was a tortured and dragged out experience, like a person chasing a 20 dollar bill on a string and having it constantly pulled away over and over again. By the time it came out it was a little disheartening that an entire half of the album had already been released via single, but overall it is undeniably a powerhouse of a pop album and a strong showing from Oliver Tree. A strange character, but an impossibly catchy album with earworm after earworm.

6. The World/Inferno Friendship Society - All Borders Are Porous To Cats

I pretty much always enjoy any offering from this band, but to varying degrees. Their last few albums have certainly been good to my ears, but for whatever reason just didn't resonate enough with me to earn a spot in my top ten. This album is clearly different though, and keeps me enthralled the entire way. With their unique brand of punk-jazz-cabaret, All Borders Are Porous To Cats tells the story of one Mr. Cat In The Hat, and it's a wild ride that you're going to want to hear.

5. Run The Jewels - RTJ4

One of the most biting and necessary releases of the year, RTJ4 dropped right when we needed to hear it most, and for free no less. It's my personal opinion that Run The Jewels continue to get better with every release they put out, and their fourth showing is easily my favorite so far. El-P and Killer Mike come through with some of their sharpest bars and heaviest beats yet. It's just a shame that for how much history repeats we as society still haven't learned some of the lessons that an album like this continues to attempt to teach us.

4. Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guide

Spirit World Field Guide is not a typical Aesop Rock album, but then again what is? Back in 2016 I fell in love with the album The Impossible Kid, an accessible (by Aes standards) album that hooked me in immediately. Spirit World is a different beast that took me off guard the first time I heard it, and left me a little bit lost - but that almost seems to be the intent. An absolute monster of an album coming in at 21 tracks and over an hour, this thing wasn't necessarily meant to be ingested all at once, or even in the order presented. The more I revisit it the more I put the pieces together and enjoy it more and more.

3. Poppy - I Disagree

Let's take a journey all the way back to January before the world entirely fell apart. I discovered Poppy for the first time through this album and was quickly intrigued. Going back through her older music, and then her YouTube, and slowly unraveling the mystery that is Poppy was perhaps some of the most fun I've had experiencing an artist's work in years - all topped off with seeing her perform live that month, the last large live music show I've been to. I Disagree is an eclectic blend of pop, metal, and strange curiosity. It starts off right away with the oddball banger Concrete and promises to weed out those who aren't prepared to take the mental trip through this album right away. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

2. Jeff Rosenstock - N O  D R E A M

Well here we are! The number one spot! You guessed it, it's Jeff Rose- what? This isn't number one? Well that can't be right, hold on. Nope, I guess that's correct. The new Jeff Rosenstock album, N O  D R E A M comes in at number two this year, a fact that will probably shock and confuse anyone who knows me. This is the proof that Jeff doesn't automatically get my number one spot if he releases an album, but with all of that out of the way, let's talk about the album.

In a Post-Post- world we see Jeff returning to a more traditional take on putting together an album, rather than simply rushing through it to get the feelings out of his head (both perfectly valid approaches). N O  D R E A M continues to explore themes of being lost and confused in such a soul-crushing and increasingly overwhelming world - all while attempting to find the silver linings and be optimistic about where we're headed. Whether it's the world at large or a personal journey, this album is an anthem to a year that saw most people holding their head in their hands and saying "please, just, let's all get through this, okay?"

1. Will Wood - The Normal Album

Wow. Just wow. Okay, where to begin? I was listening to a random Spotify radio when it started playing a song by Will Wood & The Tapeworms called "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" Intrigued by the style of the song, as well as the title, I clicked through and listened to their most recent album which was 2016's "Self-Ish." I thought it was really good! I enjoyed it a lot and continued to listen to it for about a week. At that point when I started digging further into the band I learned that there was actually an even newer album entitled The Normal Album, categorized on Spotify under just Will Wood, which is why I hadn't previously found it.

I enjoyed Self-Ish, but hearing The Normal Album took it to an entirely new album and blew me away in a way that I haven't experienced in years. This wasn't just a great album, this was one of those musical discoveries where you think "oh wow, this is something I can't live without going forward." Will Wood is exactly what I needed in the back half of 2020 to keep my sanity, and even now I still listen to this album usually at least once a day. It's perfectly crafted in every sense of the world. Not a single second is wasted or out of place. The technical skill is in full display without muddling the pure enjoyment of the melodies or taking away from the overall vibe of the songs. The writing is some of the sharpest and dense I've ever seen, without being undecipherable or inaccessible. This is an album that truly does it all.

The feeling I have when I listen to this album and attempt to get people to listen to it is identical to how I felt about Jeff Rosenstock in the late 2000's, back before he had sort of blown up. Will Wood certainly has a following, but his music is definitely niche at the moment and somewhat obscure. Much in the same way that eventually people listened to me about Jeff, I hope they will find out about Will. Everyone should hear this album. It's breath-takingly perfect.

[mithrilwren]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.