still into you, part 2
eddie’s back, keeping to his word while trying to make up for his past mistakes. will it all work out when your worlds collide?
sauurrr i feel like i want to do a part 3 bc i have ideas but i’m not sure !!??!! also i just wanna say that it’s felt sooo good seeing people in my notifications again, tumblr finally unshadowed me after emailing them god knows how many times !!
18+, mdni. smut. a lil bit of angst and mean words towards reader and mentions of pregnancy. no use y/n!
read part 1 here.
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he’s late.
you’d spoken on the phone this morning and eddie had told you he’d be back some time tonight and that you should wait up because it’ll be worth it.
and now he’s fucking late.
late or not even coming.
it had been a long month of phone calls and anxiously reading magazine articles about his whereabouts, learning to trust again hadn’t been easy. there had been a handful of times where he’d called too late and missed you or you’d called while he was out which meant you’d gone days without speaking.
steve had done his best to reassure you that it was just different out there and you shouldn’t worry. he’d made a promise, right?
but there’s a pressure in your chest now, a feeling you hadn’t felt since the first time he left. defeated and dejected once again.
eddie is so late that you fall asleep on the couch. the same couch you first kissed him on just a few weeks ago. your dreams are filled with images of eddie, the wide smile that graced his face when ella forced him into fairy wings or the look on his face when you’d roll over in the middle of the night and kissed the corner of his mouth.
you’re awoken by a soft palm cupping your cheek, eyes peeking open to see the familiar silhouette of curls and denim now illuminated by the flickering television, deep set frown on his lips.
“i’m so sorry,” he starts, the words sound like static in your barely conscious mind, “my plane was delayed and i couldn’t call you.. i’m so fucking sorry,” you realise he’s on his knees in front of the couch, still squinting as you adjust to the light.
“i thought you weren’t coming,” you murmur, placing your hand atop his, the pressure in your chest subsiding the more you realise that he’s actually real and not just a dream.
eddie sighs, it’s his fault for even giving you reason to have those doubts and that kills him. “of course not.. i made a promise,” his thumb strokes gentle patterns into your cheek, “i’m coming back, always.”
“mhm,” you nod, a mix of tiredness and a lingering lack of trust.
“you wanna go to bed?” he asks, desperate to get in your good books again. hell, he’d have to do far more than this to make seven years of shit up to you.
“only if you carry me,” offering your arms out, if ella can do it, you can to.
“obviously,” he chuckles, sliding his arms underneath your knees, hoisting you off of the couch.
you’re anything but quiet walking up stairs, giggling into his neck as he groans his way up the staircase. “fuck, i’m getting old,” he complains, backing his way into your room, gently laying your body on top of the duvet before knocking the door shut.
you nestle into the pillows, watching eddie as he undresses, his jacket hitting the floor with a soft thud. he’d only been gone a month but you’d missed his presence. the way his eyes glided over your body, enamoured by your less-than-impressive mom body.
he collapses onto the bed, shuffling underneath the blanket with you, reaching out to bring you closer. “i know i said..” his nose pokes against your neck, a deep inhale before he continues, “that it’d be worth it.. but i’m tired and you’re tired so.. can i just make it up to you tomorrow?” nuzzling against your soft skin.
your laugh vibrates against his cheek, sliding your arms around his neck, legs tangling together in a mess of limbs, “eddie munson turning down sex? jesus christ, what’s happened to you?”
eddie grunts, deep and husky, flipping the situation on it’s head as he clambers on top, “oh fuck you,” his barely holding himself up, body weight keeping you pressed firmly against the mattress.
“please do,” grinning up at him, marvelling the way that even in the dark, he was still the prettiest man you’d ever laid eyes on.
his lips find your neck, peppering kisses along your jawline, hips rutting against the thin material of your pajama shorts.
when his mouth meets the delicate spot between your collarbone and the crook of your neck, you can’t help but let slip the one thing you’d been waiting to say, “i’m glad you came back,” gasping as his teeth graze the fragile skin.
he pauses, looking up at you, basked in moonlight, “i’ll always come back to you,” mumbling quietly, before continuing his descent down your body.
your eyes flutter shut, allowing your body to relax, blissful desire overcoming every nerve.
holy shit, you were happy.
-
the next few months go by smoothly. he’s back when he says he’s going to be, keeping his nose clean and his head down while he’s out on the west coast.
of course it’s never easy saying goodbye. each and every time you’re filled with this sense of dread, petrified that this might just be the time he doesn’t return.
but he does.
each and every time.
eddie had got back late last night, still half-asleep as he sips his coffee next to ella, haphazardly feeding her the breakfast she was quite capable of feeding herself.
“i’ve been thinking,” he starts, watching as you busy about with dishes. he doesn’t understand how you have the energy to care about that shit this early in the morning. “i think you should come out to california with me.. next time i go back,” shoving a spoonful of mushy pancakes into ella’s mouth.
you pause but don’t turn to face him, staring down at the sink full of bubbles, “what for?”
that part of his life didn’t interest you one bit, maybe he enjoyed it and you were happy if he was but that wasn’t anything you wanted. in fact, you’d been meaning to bring it up for a while now.
you understood that dating eddie meant that strangers were far more interested in your relationship than they should be but they’d started to accost you at work, taking ella to and from school, just about anywhere in public. the attention was starting to get a little tiring, nothing you couldn’t handle but you’d wondered if he somehow had the power to stop them.
“well,” handing the spoon to ella and getting up from the table to join you at the sink, “we’ve got our album rollout soon so i’m gonna have to be out there a little longer this time,” his shoulder knocks into yours, pulling your attention from the dirty dishes, “but.. we have our release party and i want you to be there,” pulling that cheeky grin he knew you couldn’t say no to.
how much longer? he was already out there for weeks at a time, how much longer could they keep him? oh god what if they go on tour? you’d never cope.
“release party?” grabbing the dishcloth, wiping the suds from your hands, “i don’t even know what that is.. you don’t want me there,” turning to face him and his sickening smile.
“of course i do,” lips turning into a frown, taking the cloth from your hands, “it’s a small party.. the boys and their girlfriends.. a few people who helped on the album,” he’s serious now, dipping his head to meet yours. “they wanna meet you, everyone does.”
you sigh, looking into his gleaming eyes. you’re obviously apprehensive to agree, if the stories you’d heard of the other guys were anything to go by, that weren’t the goofy nerds you’d once watch practice all night, now you think you’d actually probably hate them.
“what about ella?” turning to look at your daughter, your one saving grace.
“i’m sure we can figure that out,” eddie blinks, “steve can have her or.. or his mom,” throwing out anything he could think of, “i’ll throw them some money, make sure she has the best week ever,” rubbing his fingers together.
“he won’t take your money eddie,” you sigh. steve would never, because as much as he now liked eddie, he was still your best friend and he knew you’d kill him if he did.
“no,” eddie whines, “it’s not for steve, it’s for ella.. so they can go and do whatever they want.. eat whatever they want.. you know,” he peers over your shoulder at the kitchen table, eyes gleaming with opportunity. “ella, don’t you think mommy should come with me and you can have a vacation at uncle steve’s house?”
you tut as ella chimes in with a loud, enthusiastic “yes!” banging her fists against the table.
your palm meets his chest, “don’t use my own child against me, asshole,” struggling to stop your lips from curling into a smile. it was working and you hated the fact that you were so easily swayed by him.
“ella has spoken!” he exclaims, taking your hand on his chest into his, “so you’ll come?” cocking his head to the side, much like a tiny, manipulative little dog.
you huff, admitting defeat, “fine.. but only if steve says yes and there’s no guarantee he will,” flicking your eyes back over to ella, who is watching with a massive toothy grin.
it’s times like these that you’re grateful she doesn’t take after her dad.
-
of course steve says yes. useless prick.
“why don’t you wanna go?” his brows furrowed, sipping the overpriced coffee he’d suggested you go get.
“can you imagine me in la? me? really?”
he chuckles, “yeah.. yeah i can actually,” shaking his head. knowing steve, he’d probably been thinking about how he would fit right in there. if you ever did end up moving west, there’s no way in hell that you’d leave him here.
“shut up,” brushing him off, “what if nobody likes me?”
it had been a genuine worry of yours since before eddie had even asked. there’d surely be a thousand eyes on you seeing as you were now very publicly with him. you paled in comparison to his exes. models and singers alike. you were just some frumpy mom who no one had ever heard of.
why would they like you?
“stop it,” steve swats at you, “they’ll love you! i love you so they’ve got no reason not to!”
but you weren’t so sure.
-
so after weeks of fretting about clothes and deliberating over whether you should even go with steve, you jet off to lax.
you’d attempted to pay for your own ticket but eddie hadn’t accepted any of it. told you it was all taken care of and all you had to do was go. much to your disapproval.
there are a few fans at the airport, with no interest in you, obviously. they were so used to him at indianapolis airport now that the paps didn’t even bother.
eddie’s excited babbling about the party keeps you relaxed throughout the flight, focussing on his smile and not the fact that you were thirty thousand feet in the air.
everything starts to feel real when you land and are immediately ushered through the airport, bundled into a car and told to stay put until they got your luggage.
holy shit.
“there’s some dickheads out front.. it’s just so we don’t see them,” eddie soothes, taking your hand into his, resting on his thigh.
“is it always like this?” you ask, curious about this side of his life that you never saw. even more grateful that people in indiana mostly left you alone now.
“sometimes.. but they’re only doing this because of the album.”
you nod, sitting in quiet reflection as people come and go constantly. bustling around the car, muttering things to eddie as they do. it all just seemed so overwhelming, like there was never a moment alone.
eventually, your bags get stuffed into the car and you begin the journey to god knows where, all the while clinging onto eddie’s hand with a iron tight grip.
when you turn into a gated driveway, you sit up. peering out of the window at the glorious garden. his drive was bigger than your entire house, you couldn’t imagine having this much room at your disposal.
his house is big. actually, big is an incredible understatement. it’s breathtaking.
nicer than anything you’ve seen before. you couldn’t even begin to materialise how much he must have spent. you’re not sure you even want to know.
the ceilings loom ten feet tall, walls covered in tasteful but overpriced art. the sofa alone probably cost more than your entire house. christ, it’s the size of your living room as it is.
“jesus christ,” you breathe, still taking in the lavish house, gawping at the tacky statues and the glistening glass chandelier hanging above your head.
“nice, isn’t it?” he states, still wheeling your suitcases behind him, “obviously i didn’t decorate it myself.”
“you’re ridiculous,” you smile, marvelling the rather excessive house, “you don’t need all of this,” gesturing around the room.
“hey,” he pouts, ditching the suitcases to make his away over to you, “this house used to be very useful when..” trailing off as he realises just what he was going to say.
“when what? when you were a whore?” you bite, only half-joking.
“woah,” awkwardly laughing, unsure of whether you were joking or not, “when i had parties,” correcting your presumptions, “but i’m a boring man now.. thanks to you,” his arms snake around your waist, pulling you into his body.
your arms return the favour, tilting your chin to match his, “hmm is that right?”
his eyes are no longer on yours, gazing down at your lips with a twinkle of lust, “yup..”
“oh, well maybe i should just go..” but before you can finish, his hands are grabbing your ass, palming at the doughy flesh.
“uh uh,” pressing your heads together, pausing just before he connects your lips, “i’m never letting you leave now,” and with that, he finally kisses you.
skilfully walking you backward through the large foyer, still palming at your ass as he does so. you should’ve known that this was first on the agenda. there weren’t as many opportunities for the two of you to have sex at your house.
his lips hang from yours, leeching onto your bottom lip, palming at your sweater, eager to get it off. “i’ve thought about having you in every single room in this house..” he mumbles into your mouth, making your cheeks burn.
“every.. room?” you speak softly through kisses, bashful at his words.
“mmm,” he grumbles, hand slipping under the soft material of your sweater, brushing over the curve of your waist, “need you.. here,” walking your body back into the marble counter, your lips still barely connected, “in there,” gesturing back towards the grand living room, “everywhere,”
your thighs squeeze together in anticipation of it all. you were flying back home in a week, there was not a chance you’d get through the entirety of this massive house in that short time.
eddie growls into your mouth, hoisting your body onto the countertop in one swift movement, forcing his way between your legs. you can feel his cock already, pressed against your throbbing cunt.
his tongue slides into your mouth, moving against your own with hungry movements. you were too old for this kind of excitement, the ferocity was making your head spin.
his hands are quick, working your sweater off without much interruption, immediately finding your lips again. your hips cant, chasing the needed friction of his cock, eager to strip him from the rough denim.
“someone’s impatient,” a rough laugh echoes from his lips, but he’s obliging. unbuttoning your jeans before patting your thigh to move for him.
you do, letting his cold hands slide your jeans down your thighs, stuck around your ankles as he’s really not concerned with taking them off fully. you’re soaked already, can feel it when the fresh air hits your heat.
eddie’s focused now, his own pants pulled down around his knees, cock jumping in his boxers when your hand reaches out to touch his chest. you liked that. the fact that even now, you could control him with a simple touch.
“jesus baby,” he remarks, two fingers slipping between the crotch of your underwear, “you don’t know how much i’ve thought about this,” mouth hanging open as he works his way between your soaked folds and into your hole, eliciting a sharp gasp from your mouth.
he’s slow with it, curling his fingers at just the right spot, “oh god,” you whisper, one hand clinging to his forearm, the other holding onto the hard counter.
your eyes flutter shut, head rolling back, granting him access to your untouched neck. he immediately attacks the delicate skin, no doubt leaving his mark like some unruly teenager.
“need you now baby..” he grumbles, removing his hand from between your legs and nudging his boxers down just enough for his cock to spring up, already leaking with pre-cum.
“yeah.. yeah,” muttering into the room, heels attaching around his hips, urging him to speed things up.
his hair brushes against your neck as he gazes down between your bodies, staring in awe at the way they connected, almost losing all composure when his cock nestles between your folds and slides perfectly into your quivering cunt.
pretty pink lips parting to groan when he bottoms out, savouring the feeling for just a moment before his hips take over. his pelvis connects with the backs of your thighs, finding his rhythm, seeking whatever pace made you the loudest.
your quiet squeaks aren’t enough for him, after years of being quiet, you’re not used to having the freedom to be loud.
“c’mon sweetheart,” he pants, hand skirting around your hip, squeezing the flesh, “i wanna hear you,” slipping out of your cunt, refusing to give you what you want without something in return.
your eyes open to eddie, staring right back at you, devilish grin on his lips, “don’t be mean,” you pout, squeezing your legs to pull him forward, huffing in frustration when he keeps back.
his forehead presses against yours, glossy eyed as he gazes into your eyes, “this what you want?” he bites before sinking back in, profanities tumble out of his mouth.
a disgusting whine finds itself at your lips, filling the space between you, drawing his gaze to your wetted lips. “that’s it baby,” thrusts starting to gain speed, his tip bullying your walls.
you can’t help but get louder, keeping your eyes trained on his dilated pupils, moaning with each time his pubic bone brushes against your starved clit. knuckles turning white as you grip onto the counter, chanting his name like some sort of mantra.
“there she is,” he pants, slamming into you with such speed that makes you feel as if you’re flying. it’s filthy how much the wet, pornographic noises your bodies are making spurs you on. only wanting to get louder to match them.
eddie’s thumb meets your neglected clit, circling the bud in line with his thrusts. the pleasure is overwhelming, sending your head into the clouds and your stomach hurtling toward your long-awaited orgasm.
“eddie..” drawing out his name, letting it echo through the decadent kitchen, “fuck,” fingernails leaving behind half-moon markings on his forearm, unsupported by the ruthless motion of his thumb against your clit.
you’re struggling to even stay with it, gasping for breath as your walls tighten around him. sighing as he begins to falter, “you gonna cum princess? huh?” beads of sweat beginning to form on his nose, holding his own orgasm off to allow you yours first.
“yeah.. yeah,” you babble nonsensically, “oh fuck.. oh eddie,” thighs trembling around his hips as you topple over the edge, holding onto the counter for dear life as your orgasm takes over.
body going numb as the fuzzy feeling takes over, watching his lips mouth that’s it and baby’s over and over. trying not to topple over as his cock continues to nudge against your spongy walls, slowing as his own orgasm begins.
“cum in me,” you urge, completely besotted by your own desire for him, “please,” resorting to begging when his eyes squeeze shut, unable to hold himself off any longer.
he grunts, you coax him through it, ankles still resting at the small of his back, unrelenting with their grip as his cock spurts thick ropes of cum, painting your walls. “shit- baby.. i- you-,” he puffs, “what the fuck,” throwing his head back, his messy fringe sticking to his damp forehead.
“sorry..” you mumble, ashamed by the way you turn into a ravenous monster around eddie, wanting to give him your all and nothing else.
“jesus christ don’t apologise,” his hands clamp around your cheeks, pulling your face to his for one final kiss, mumbling a quick i love you before helping you from the counter.
eddie’s in his element here, not that he didn’t make himself at home in your home, but this was his domain.
there’s a strange twinge in your heart, a rogue voice that occasionally makes an appearance, something that made you question whether he was really happy with your little life or if it was just something he was accepting for the time being.
you bury it down, refusing to let it grow into anything more and follow him down the hall, listening to him complain about his back.
-
nothing could’ve prepared you for the party. it couldn’t have been further from how eddie had initially sold it to you.
it’s all bright lights and thousands of people. expensive dresses and unfamiliar faces fill the room, prodding and poking at eddie and subsequently you. wanting to know the ins and outs of everything.
fuck. you think. this is suffocating.
there’s no release, people are fucking everywhere.
even after you gulp down a glass of wine, people whizz around you, echoing fake niceties about your dress or your hair or whatever materialistic bullshit they were pretending to care about.
eddie is a natural of course. he’s been doing this for years. he always had the ability to carry a conversation, to make people listen to him. you weren’t so lucky.
he’s prattling on about some sick riff on the new album now, barely giving you chance to let him know you’re going to the bathroom.
hoping to seek some solace from these vultures. you so wished steve was here. he’d make everything feel better, tell you that it was okay and that these people don’t deserve your time.
but he’s not. he’s a thousand miles away, probably tucked up in bed with ella. somewhere you longed to be.
after a long ten minutes in the cubicle, uttering a chorus of positive affirmations to yourself, you push your way out, right into the crowd of very glamorous women all stood in front of the mirrors. reapplying their makeup or touching up their already stiff hair.
one of the older ladies takes notice of you lingering behind, turning to face you with a smug smile, “you’re eddie’s new thing, aren’t you?”
venom laced between her words, rolling effortlessly off of her sharp tongue. the other women all turn in tandem, all narrowed eyes and faux smiles.
“uh.. i’m his girlfriend,” shaking their glances off, focusing on the stream of running water on your hands and not the prickly feeling at the back of your throat.
“oh! girlfriend!” she titters, barging into one of the other, “usually they don’t make it that far.. what d’you have that the others didn’t?” her icy gaze runs the length of your body.
no doubt judging your dress, the way your mom body sat in the lavish fabric. you don’t blame her. you’d hated it from the moment you first looked in the mirror.
“we..” clearing your throat to avoid your voice cracking, “we used to date.. in high school,” you could feel yourself physically shrinking, reverting back into the same quiet girl you were in school.
“aw sweet,” there’s not even a hint of sincerity in her nasally tone, “well you know, we all thought gigi was gonna be the one,” the other women nod in agreement, “he was just different with her.. everyone thought he was going to propose.. never seen him like that since,” nodding like she’d won a contest you weren’t even competing in.
her words sting, and she knows it. in fact, she relishes it. even though you know she’s only doing it for some sort of reaction, you still let them in. your heart prangs in your chest; now stood frozen in front of the basin.
“you have a kid, don’t you?” she continues, clearly unhappy with your lack of reaction. wanting to stick her claws in just a little deeper.
you nod, biting down hard onto the inside of your cheek. trying to swallow the growing lump in the back of your throat.
her eyes wander down once again, “yeah i thought so.. eddie always said he didn’t want kids,” tutting her shiny white teeth, “i wouldn’t expect him to hang around long, he’s at the peak of his career darling.. no time for high school sweethearts and their kids.”
and that’s it. the final blow. slicing through your chest, churning your guts from the inside out. a stranger had affirmed every single fear and doubt you’d had. crumbling the facade you’d curated for this fucking party.
you don’t even give her the satisfaction of a reply, or perhaps you give her exactly what she wanted, storming out of the bathroom with a trembling bottom lip and watering eyes.
instead of going straight back to eddie, you find a quiet corner, facing the wall as you collect yourself the best you can. your throat hurts, the lump struggling to disappear, tears threatening to spill over as you attempt to remember how to breathe.
eddie is higher than you’ve ever seen him before, relishing in the moment. he’s completely different out here. talking to any and every one, turning the charm on the second someone walks his way.
“eds,” mumbling quietly, tugging on his arm to garner his attention.
you hated him a little for even convincing you to come. why couldn’t he have just sent pictures? no fuck that, why couldn’t he have just stayed here and never forced his way back into your life?
you don’t mean it. you love him.
“hmm?” not quite looking at you.
“i wanna go back.. i don’t feel good.”
this is where he turns, focusing his attention on you, brows furrowing immediately, “what? what’s wrong?”
now, you could tell him. let him know that his friends were assholes and you were either going to burst into tears or run out of this place screaming. but decide to leave it until you’re back at his, there was no use in causing drama on his night.
“i just..” you sigh, dipping your head low so no one else could hear, “i don’t feel good.. maybe i’m sick,” it wasn’t a lie as such. your stomach had been turning all night but you’d brushed it off as anxiety, eager to not ruin the party.
“well-,” he begins but stops, “d’you want me to come with you?” though you can tell he really doesn’t want to. you don’t blame him.
eddie’s always been an extrovert, begging for people to pay attention to him, even if it meant tussling with basketball players or anyone else that dared to question his character. he just wanted people to notice him.
“no no.. i just wanted to let you know,” chewing on your bottom lip, his face becoming increasingly more concerned with every word. you hope he hasn’t noticed your watery eyes, not in the mood to have to explain what had happened right here, right now.
“okay.. we can go, it’s okay,” eddie soothes, picking up that something wasn’t right.
this is what you’d tried to avoid, not wanting to selfishly snatch him away from his event, his friends and his album launch.
“no.. stay here, i’ll be fine, just need to.. rest,” brushing him off, as if you wouldn’t kill to just curl up in his big bed, talking away all of the harsh comments you’d heard.
his expression becomes incredibly soft, despite the crowd surrounding the two you trying to pry, “you sure? i don’t mind..” he frowns, “i’ll come back with you, I don’t want you on your own if you feel that shitty,” already looking past you trying to catch someone’s eye to tell them about the change in plans.
“no!” you push, rather quickly, “please don’t let me be the reason you miss this.. i promise i’ll be fine,” pulling away from his grasp, rushing out of the building with absolutely no plan to get back.
eddie strides along behind, grabbing onto your arm, forcing you to stop and face him, “hey.. stop, i’ll get rob to drive you,” guiding you through the see of people and out into the fresh air at long, long last.
it’s like you can finally breathe again. the stifling heat of a hundred bodies wasn’t helping your anxieties, relief washing over your body the second the november breeze hits your flushed face.
he leans into the same car you arrived in, muttering something to who you assume is rob, motioning for you to come over. you oblige, standing at his side as he repeats what’s happening to you though none of the words compute.
“i won’t be long, okay? a couple hours max and then i’ll be back,” pulling you in for an unreciprocated hug.
he bundles you in to the back of the car, nodding to rob to start the journey.
you’re thankful the conversation is non-existent, leaning your forehead against the window, drawing lines into the condensation on the glass.
you want to go home.
and not eddie’s house.. home.
three days had been more than enough for you to decide this life wasn’t for you.
wiping spaghetti off of ella’s smiley face was. gossiping with steve about people you went to high school with was. los angeles certainly wasn’t.
-
eddie stumbles into the bedroom some hours later, obviously tipsy with a vague stench of booze and people clinging onto his clothes. the smell turns your stomach, peering over your shoulder to see him sliding his suit jacket off, trying to be quiet but failing miserably.
"whoops sorry.. did i wake you?" he asks, slightly slurring his words.
"no, i wasn't asleep," you shift, turning to face him, preparing to break the news.
he slides into the gargantuan bed, running a hand over his face as he comfies himself, "you all okay now?" extending his hand to rest on your waist, smoothing his fingers over the thick duvet.
you exhale, peering up at him through the dimly lit room, "i think i'm gonna go home tomorrow," you’d stewed on it all night and decided it was what’s best.
“what?” his hand stops, sitting up to see you better.
“i’m going back to hawkins tomorrow.”
“why?” he exclaims, unable to comprehend why tonight had gone from a great night to you rushing off home.
“because i miss ella,” you’d umm’d and ahh’d about telling him what had gone down in the bathroom, ultimately deciding not to. he’d only reiterate some bullshit about it not being true and you shouldn’t worry, it wasn’t worth the effort.
“it’s three more days babe.. wha- i don’t understand, where’s this come from?” he’s breathing heavily, focussing on sobering up you suppose.
you sigh again, hesitant to tell him that his friends were assholes and had made you feel like shit. “i just.. i guess i don’t fit in here,” shrugging it off, minimising the niggling thoughts of insecurity that had planted themselves into your brain.
“what are you talking about?” eddie frowns, genuinely perplexed. “did something happen? what are you not telling me about?”
you shake your head, struggling to find the right words, “there was just..” trailing off into the void, “someone said something to me and i’m-,” biting down into your bottom lip, decidedly letting it all out, “i don’t want this life eddie, i never asked for this.. for people to try and pick my life apart! that wasn’t part of the deal!” becoming increasingly frustrated with your boyfriend.
how could he not get it?
“woah.. who said something? i can fix that,” his eyebrows knit together, you’re not sure if he’s angry or just confused. “if you don’t tell me, i can’t do anything.”
“what are you gonna do?” nostrils flaring at his inability to just understand, “what’s said was said.. and i want to go home eddie, that’s the end of it,” running a hand through your hair, still stiff with hairspray and whatever other gunk the stylist had shoved into it.
“jesus christ,” he huffs, sick of the conversation, of trying to get you to stay. “fine. i’ll get someone to change your flight in the morning, can you wait that long?” his snarky voice making an appearance. you hadn’t missed that.
“thank you,” you whisper, unable to get any louder for fear of the lump in your throat.
instead you turn over, squeezing your eyes shut, refusing to let the tears brim over. eddie wouldn’t have understood even if you could tell him, ella wasn’t his kid, those words wouldn’t hurt the same. sure, he’d be pissed and he’d more than likely get her fired but what use was that now?
she’d still uttered the words. still forced her poison into your brain, she’d already got what she wanted.
-
eddie barely musters up two sentences to you in the morning, speaking in hushed tones to the muffled voice on the other side of the phone.
everything’s fucked and it’s your fault. he knows it too.
“flight’s in four hours.. rob’ll take you to the airport at twelve,” he huffs, hanging the phone back on the wall with enough force to make the plastic rattle.
“thank you,” you call after him, watching as he disappears down the long hall. he had just trampled on your already throbbing heart, stomping on the organ as if it didn’t matter.
-
when rob arrives, eddie’s in a more optimistic mood, wheeling your suitcase out of his room with a sullen expression, attempting to sway your mind one last time. “i can always cancel this flight..” opening the large door for you, “you can stay if you want to.”
“eddie..”
and with that, he knows it’s not going to work. blinking rapidly, a deep sigh coming from his chest, “right, got it.”
his hand slams the car door shut, still lingering on the metal as you sit inside. you felt like a petulant child, being sent away because you dared to disobey the rules. it’s all so stupid.
and deep down, eddie knows that ultimately, this is all his fault. he’s the one that skipped town eight years ago, left you without so much as a note to explain himself. as he watches the car roll down the drive, he lets himself wonder what life would’ve been like if he didn’t leave, if you’d even still be together or if this had to happen to bring you two back together. the universe was cruel like that.
-
the airport is bustling, families dithering around trying to find their flights and busy men dashing from one place to the other.
there’s only one thing you need and that’s the bathroom. shoving yourself and your things into a cramped cubicle to do what you needed to do.
and maybe you were being silly, perhaps the stress of last night had got to your head and now you were jumping to crazy conclusions.
but you’d been here before. known the signs, the little things that most people would probably just brush off. so you’d made rob pull into a gas station on your way to the airport and bought a two pack of the cheapest tests you could find.
five minutes feel like five hours. refusing to even peek at the shitty piece of plastic until the time was up.
your heart is thudding, blood pumping around your ears so loudly that you’re sure the lady in the stall next to you could hear it.
hands shaking as you turn the test, two thin blue lines reveal themselves on the tiny screen.
the test clatters to the floor, your mouth falling open as your eyes fog. it wasn’t like you didn’t know, you just didn’t know.
and now you do, everything feels fragile. someone’s cough rings in your ears, the sterile bathroom felt a thousand times smaller than it did five minutes ago.
eddie always said he didn’t want kids.
her voice echoes around your head, just as snarky as it were the first time you heard it. you feel sick. the acidic liquid rises quick, forcing you to spin and stick your head into the porcelain bowl.
emptying your stomach until your throat stings, retching and coughing, trying not to start sobbing.
eddie always said he didn’t want kids.
you can’t tell him, not yet anyway.
fuck.
a thousand thoughts flood your mind. were you even still together? he was on this press tour for weeks now. you can’t tell him over the phone. maybe you had broken up and you wouldn’t ever have to let him now. he would just have an illegitimate child in his hometown that he’d never know about.
nothing felt right. the high you’d been riding from the first two days with him had quite violently come crashing back to earth.
the only thing you want to do is tell steve.
he probably wouldn’t know what to do nor would he be very much help, you just needed to know that everything was going to be okay.
-
it’s the first thing you say as you slide into steve’s bmw, blurting out the news like it wasn’t potentially life changing.
as expected, his jaw drops, blabbering about babies at a hundred miles an hour. excited and amazed all at the same time.
“- i haven’t told him yet,” you manage to spit out in the middle of his nonsensical ranting.
“what?”
“i didn’t even know until i got to the airport,” you sniff, staring at the drops of rain on his windscreen rather than his eyes. “he’s on this press tour for weeks now.. i can’t tell him over the phone.”
“well shit,” steve’s shoulder slump, empathising with your less than ideal situation, “you have to,” he blinks, focusing on the road ahead.
“steve.. i don’t think you understand,” swallowing the air, unsure if the car was the best place to tell him about your little argument. “shit happened, it’s not.. it’s not that easy.”
he frowns, tapping his thumb against the steering wheel as he drives, “well,” voice louder than expected, “we’ll think of something, trust me.”
your body relaxes for the first time in hours. if no one else had you, you know steve did.
-
there are paps fucking everywhere, littering the sidewalk as steve pulls into your drive, the bright lights already blinding you.
“what the fuck?” steve screeches, turning to face you in the driver's seat. They aren’t dumb, they know that if they step on your property, you are well within your rights to escort them off. so they hang back, inching towards the car but staying far enough away to not allow you to get them off.
“i don’t know.. i don’t know,” shaking your head, you were baffled how they had even found out you were home. you’d known they were scummy but christ, not this scummy.
“just get inside and I’ll bring your stuff in,” steve nods reassuringly, stepping out of the car ready to punch whoever got in his way.
you exhale, preparing for the onslaught of questions and pictures. the key poised in your hand to get you inside as quickly as humanly possible. word must have got out that your trip had ended abruptly, that or someone had seen you sulking around the airport like the sad sack you were.
your feet stumble along the asphalt, holding your hand to your face as to guard your eyes from the flashes. hundreds of questions echo in your ears, what happened between you and eddie munson? have you broken up? did he cheat again?
it’s god awful. gritty voices screaming across the lawn at you. steve has your suitcase rolling behind him, jaw clenched as he guides you to the door.
“you’re harassing a pregnant woman you fucking scumbags! go fuck yourselves!” he unleashes over his shoulder, flapping his arms about.
your mouth falls open, pulling him through the door and into your hall. the one thing you had not wanted him to let slip and he had just blurted it out to the crowd of hungry vultures.
it’d be the first thing on the front page tomorrow and yet you still hadn’t told eddie. at least now you didn’t have to.
he knows he wasn’t supposed to say it too, hand slapped across his mouth, inundated with shock and regret. “i’m so sorry, i’m so fucking sorry,” he rushes, eyes like saucers as his arms wrap around your shoulders, “i’m an idiot.. fuck! i’m sorry,” you cheek smushed against his chest.
the familiar feeling opens the floodgates, tears stream down your cheeks, wetting his t-shirt as your shoulders shake. wailing hysterically into his beating chest. he wasn’t quite expecting this, more so a few hours of the silent treatment.
“oh no.. i’m sorry, i really didn’t mean to,” steve whispers into the air, his chin coming to rest atop of your head, squeezing your fragile frame in his arms.
“it’s not-,” rudely interrupted by a rogue hiccup, “shit.. it’s not you-,” hiccup, “oh my god,” you exclaim, tears turning into laughter at an unprecedented rate.
steve loosens his grip, confused as all hell at the mess you’d become against him. “jesus christ, are you okay?” holding your shoulders at arms length to examine the snotty, hiccupy mess in front of him.
“no,” you laugh, completely hysterical.
he guides you to the couch, making your movements for you, plonking down on the cushions in a flurry of emotion.
there you tell him everything. the party, the bitch with the sharp jawline in the bathroom and her nasty words, the aftermath and then all about your panic attack in a tiny lax bathroom.
it’s cathartic, knowing he won’t judge or diminish the way you feel. steve just listens, his hand rubbing small strokes on your knee every time you got to a juicy part.
how the hell were you ever going to tell eddie now?
-
there’s a knock at your door, mindlessly going to answer it without thinking much of the mad crowd of people that were out there just a few days ago. steve had gratefully been staying with you, helping with ella while also trying to hatch a plan to tell eddie without ruining everything.
it only occurs to you that it very well could be another nosy reporter as the door is already unlocked and slightly ajar.
you peep around the tiny crack, prepared to be bombarded with a bunch of questions and bright lights.
there’s none of that.
only the pitying image of one eddie munson stood on your doorstep with his shoulders slumped, black ray-ban’s hanging from his shirt and an inconceivable look upon his face.
“what the fuck?” he utters, barely audible. he looks exhausted, dark rings around his eyes with the body language to match. his hair in dark matter tangles hung around his face.
your mouth opens but the words fail to materialise, utterly speechless. there’s nothing you could possibly say now that would lessen the blow. and bless his soul, steve had fucked it.
no.
you had fucked it by running off back home without telling him the seemingly very important news.
“were you ever gonna tell me?” eyebrows screwed together, eyes glossy with what looked like tears.
“i.. i- yes, i was.. i didn’t.. i didn’t know,” pleading with him with your eyes, hoping they could tell him exactly what your words couldn’t. your lip trembles, as much as this had played on your mind since steve had let slip, the two of you still hadn’t come up with an acceptable explanation.
deep down you know really why you still hadn’t called him. you were scared, terrified even, that he’d laugh at you. tell you to fuck off, or get rid of it and to never contact him again. that wouldn’t surprise anyone, he was at the top of his career and definitely wouldn’t want to jack that in for his boring high school ex-girlfriend.
that’s what you’d told yourself anyway.
“when? when it was born?” his words are sharp, reaffirming every single fear you had conjured up in your brain.
you inhale sharply, the lump making it up and out of your throat before you had the chance to swallow it down. tears spill down your warm cheeks, the most ghastly cry coming from your mouth.
you must look utterly pathetic as eddie’s face softens almost immediately, springing from your doorstep and over the threshold to caress your cheek, mopping the tears with his thumb. “sorry.. i’m sorry fuck- i just wish you’d told me,” leaning forward to keep his eyes solidly on yours, any anger had dissipated from his face.
“i was scared, i’m sorry.. I didn’t know what to do,” burying your face into his shoulder, already wetting the shirt with your tears. shoulders shaking as you sob. “i swear.. i didn’t know until i got to the airport, i really- i just needed a few days..” howling into his steady shoulder.
he walks the both of you inside into your hallway, pushing the door shut before his other hand tangled into your hair, soothing out the wild strands. “i know.. it’s okay,” reassuring you even though you really didn’t deserve it.
“and that lady.. i don’t know, she got into my head,” sniffling, appreciating the familiarity of his cologne and the faint smell of cigarettes he always seemed to have.
his body stiffens, pulling your body from the safety of his, “what lady? is this about the party? fuck sake man, no one would tell me anything,” he’s serious now, frustration overcoming his features once more, although this time they weren’t directed towards you.
you sigh, using your palm to wipe your stinging cheeks, “it doesn’t matter.. and it’s fine, you know? i get it.. why someone like you wouldn’t want kids. i’ve come to terms with it,” nodding through your lines, despite the fact that you couldn’t have believed them less.
“what? what the hell are you talking about?” flabbergasted that you’d even suggest that.
your face falls, once stoic and ready to face being a single mom again. “that lady.. she said..” shaking your head, “you didn’t want kids,” bottom lip quivering, tears threatening to spill over again.
“oh my god,” it clicks for him, and you wish it would for you too. “that’s.. fuck- i did say that but it was a long time ago now,” his fingers dig into your arms, ensuring that he really hammers his point home, “of course i do.. shit sweetheart, of course i do,” the flecks of caramel in his eyes shine through ten-fold when he’s staring at you, glossed over with the remnants of his tears.
your mouth opens, moving though nothing comes out, hopeless as the words fail to form.
“you’re an idiot,” eddie laughs lovingly, pulling you back towards him, encasing your face in his rough palms, the cold of his rings soothes your tear laden cheeks. “why didn’t you tell me? or just ask me?”
you giggle a bit, shrugging your shoulders, “i don’t know.. i didn’t think,” nothing made sense and yet, you felt better than you had in weeks.
eddie’s here, in front of you, happy, grinning from ear to ear as he remembers why he’s even stood in your dark corridor, “baby.. we’re having a baby,” squishing your cheeks between his hands.
his joy is palpable, brushing off on you despite your leaking eyes. he still looks at you like that, even though you’d scarped off, even after you had let the world know you were pregnant before him. it was like the stars shon in your eyes, as if the very key to living was buried somewhere within your soul and he just had to be the first to grasp it.
your heart is bursting, a weeks worth of sleepless nights and fretting over destroying your relationship had come to this. to holding each other in the dim light, both terrified for what was to come.
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FANFIC REC MASTERLIST!!!!!!!
It's gonna be quite the undertaking....it'll probably take me a few weeks...but I thought I'd use the remainder of Valentine's Day for a true labor of love.
Still plugging away!!! Thanks so much to all who have liked & reblogged this monster of a list! I won't stop til all my faves are saved here...these masterpieces deserve it! (Check the bottom of the post for the date/time of latest update)
I'm gonna start categorizing alllll the juicy fanfic I'm collecting, so it's easier for me & my tribe to finds what we needs.
The artistry. My goodness. The hellsite we're all addicted to doesn't always show us the goods (tags, searches...you're still left wanting), so, it's high time i created my own card catalogue
I'm going to tag all my lovelies, my faves, & try to categorize them accordingly. Bear in mind, I'm NOT Tumblr savvy, even though i've been on this site for YEARS, so if you take issue with anything, please, POLITELY let me know. Also, if you don't wanna be a part of my lists, feel free to shoot me a message, & I'll remove ya, np ;)
Enjoy!!! & Please, like, share & REBLOG!!!!!!!! & remember: HEED ALL WARNINGS! ALL FICS ARE RATED E, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED
THERE BE BOTH SMUT & FLUFF AHEAD....IF YOU'RE HERE, YOU SHOULD BE OVER 18!!!!!!
Pedro Pascal Characters
Pedro is my love. Has been since before that dark day In King's Landing ...These are the fics that I can't live without:
The Mandalorian/Din Djarin
Fic Rec Lists:
Din - @amorevolousfaith
First Class to Tatooine - @mandosmistress
multi part fic that has made the wait for season 3 an absolute JOY! Fills in every gap in the most delicious ways
Look - @omgreally
one shot - Touch-starved din, making me weak
Dosed - @absurdthirst
one of my all time favorite sex pollen fics!!! sooo delish
Hard Candy - @ezrasbirdie
possessive, bodyguard Din. Need i say more?
You became all the things I wished for, all the things I hoped - @charnelhouse
This entire series! Domestic din at his FINEST
Shared (ft. Paz Vizsla) - @javier-pena
delicously depraved, & exactly where i wanna be. lil dark...mind your warnings. but, omg, what a fave,,,,i've read this so many times! lol
Tattoo My Heart - @mandosmistress
I loooove this fic! our favorite bounty hunter, getting all tatted up & being sexy...I've read this countless times...definitely a fave
i’ve flown too close to the sun - @charnelhouse
One of my all time favorite Din series! That's it. That's the rec. Go check it out immediately!!!
Tie Me Up, Hold Me Down - @mandosmistress
younger din, showing off his knot-tying skills. Dominant & delish
Ner Yaim (My Home) - @dindjarindiaries (G)
A rare bit of fluff. Domestic DIn is my jam...this is adorbs
Carry Me To Safety - @221bshrlocked
More of Din & a lil lactation. this is a series, & I highly recommend going back & reading the whole thing (I'm about to start it all over again) this gem has it ALL
Lord Mandalore - @babybugwrites
Teasing the king in public...ill advised :) Smut ensues. Sign me up!!!
Chemical Feelings - @absurdthirst
One of my all time favorite sex pollen fics! (I should probably just make a whole sex pollen list lol)
Bred - @absurdthirst
One of the best Alpha Din fics in the galaxy. Including shenanigans from our favorite lil baby green bean.
Stuck - @omgreally
Trapped in a small space with our bounty hunter. What's the opposite of claustrophobia? This is one of my faves to reread right here
Marcus Moreno
Frankie "Catfish" Morales
Take Care of You - @whiskeynwriting
Edging Frankie. Sooo perfect
View - @say-al0e
Long distance lovin with Frankie
Ezra (Prospect)
A Girl Walks Into a Bookshop (T) - @oonajaeadira
Bookshop owner Ezra. I think thats nuff said <3
Jack "Whiskey" Daniels
Oberyn Martell
Marcus Pike
Pizza Comes Third - @whataperfectwasteoftime
Marcus finds your nipple clamps at work...then dreams come true lol,,,i love everything about this gem
Good to Know - @221bshrlocked
New Boyfriend Marcus. Size & age difference kink...sooo sweet!
Javier Pena
Dieter Bravo
A Little Like Strip Poker - @mandosmistress
DIrty, & delicious Dieter at his FINEST! The first Dieter fic I ever read, & still one of my faves
Hubris - @javier-pena
A lil hate sex with asshole Dieter. I adore this (every) version of him
In The Script - @the-fic-baker
Running lines with cocky, asshole Dieter. Love this! lol
Measurements - @boliv-jenta
Working on set with asshole Dieter...Gotta go reread every part of this!
Mr. Ben / SNL Pedro
Maxwell Lord
Joel Miller
"The Thief"
Pero Tovar
David York
'Aw, why are you shy now?' - @danidrabbles
I think this was the first time I ever read a Dave fic, & Omg, i was instantly hooked. So intense & delish
Javier Gutierrez
Chris Evans Characters
Oh, Chris. Yes, captain, my captain. It truly is America's ass :) These fics vary in their intensity...be forewarned. There's something very saucy about seeing the golden boy all tarnished ;)
Steve Rogers (AU)
Silent Whispers (i) - @bonky-n-steeb
Lumberjack Alpha!Steve. I need him to be real :P Completed trilogy!
Captain America
Curtis Everett
Ransom Drysdale
Ari Levinson
Lloyd Hansen
Andy Barber
Chris Evans RPF
Sebastian Stan Characters
The winter soldier is the part of a lifetime...but i'm still salty that the mcu stole him from once upon a time. He was a sexy ass mad hatter. gotta find all the jefferson fics!!!
Bucky Barnes / The Winter Soldier
honey, there is no right way (i) - @bonky-n-steeb
Sugar daddy, mob AU Bucky. This has so many layers of awesomeness, I can't even begin. Just go read it :)
nothing holding me back - @bonky-n-steeb
Alpha Bucky being sooo sweet & sexy! Roomies in Love!!!
A Proper Welcome - @navybrat817
More Alpha Bucky, with a special guest...this is one of my faves!
no sweeter innocence - @bonky-n-steeb
Another fave! Dom Bucky corrupting Tony's daughter....sooo yum!
Dinner and Diatribes - @darkficsyouneveraskedfor
A dark, regency AU for your pleasure..this is a stunning series!
Whiteout - @dilemmaontwolegs
Oh, to get stuck in a storm with Bucky Barnes...Let it snow, baby!!!
Make You Mine - @bonky-n-steeb
Alpha Bucky, all emotionally wounded...until he takes what he deserves. omg, I love this fic!
None Like You - @bonky-n-steeb
Football (soccer) player bucky, being all dominant in the locker room. this baby is delish. & i love his character in this!! It's a series...settle in :)
I'm a Fiend & You're All I Need - @bonky-n-steeb
Getting hubby Bucky to go harder...an embarrassment of riches lol Dominant Bucky deliciousness
Nick Fowler
Trust Me - @navybrat817
A lil Dominant Nick, with a sprinkle of feels. SO delish
Jefferson / The Mad Hatter
Oscar Isaac Characters
Mercy. I fell in love with this marvelous actor before i even knew what he looked like! I still can't believe he was apocalypse in x-men. & then you get a look at him?! Good gravy. Him & my hubby pedro together. My dreams have come true.
Poe Dameron
Santiago Garcia
Tom Hiddleston Characters
This one was a sleeper lol...out of nowhere he attacked me with those cheekbones & that accent....very friggin Loki
Loki
Jurassic Park Characters
One of my first fandoms EVER! I cut my teeth on dinosaurs, just like a normal kid....then things got nastay! lol Sometimes i'm in the mood for the OG, sometimes i want Owen & Claire. Here's a collection of my faves.
Owen Grady & Claire Dearing
Maisie Lockwood
Alan Grant & Ellie Satler
Ian Malcolm
Bridgerton
Doctor Who (These will mostly involve my river)
Right Person, Wrong Time - 11 x River Song - @mnemosyne-musing
Sugar Baby with Your Champagne Eyes - 12 x River Song @mygalfriday
Miscellaneous Characters:
My Love is Vengeance - Bruce Wayne- @charnelhouse
(more coming sooooooon. gtg back to orders, & i'm very tired. stay tuned for more updates!!!)
4:59am est 02/15/23 - started
10:00am est 04/06/23 - last updated
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