#lost job bc of bad things

[mochi-peaches]

h-hwello!>1.

IS ANYONE OUT THERE... IN THIS HELLSCAPE WE CALL THE INTERNET...

[hamletthedane]

2023 year in review:

[transamus]

I know I'll feel better after my injection and everything feels so much worse bc I'm late on it but really fuck this whole year it's been actually so bad so far

[ducktollers]

got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D

[tamagotchikgs]

everything is back on its normal course, i always get shift as the months turn colder from bingeing 2 restricting and more anxious and more paranoid due 2 that except this time i have the weight of knowing i Was Better anxiety-wise even just a little bit. i wonder why i feel so bad and then i remember i went from going to therapy every single week & then the connections program everyday n getting paid and being given Hope for a future to losing it all and going right back to being fully isolated irl

[bisexualdinahlance]

I feel like fandom at large (like fandom spaces in general, no specific fandom) really needs to reevaluate the whole "everyone knows this person is queer/into this friend of the same gender but the person themselves" trend. Like, I get that some part of it is that fandom seems to love oblivious characters, but especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. The way it's handled in fandom is just... really uncomfortable.

I'm not sure if it's just my age (because the attitude and discussions surrounding queerness have obviously changed so incredibly much in the last decade alone) that makes this trope uncomfortable to me or what, but it reminds me so much of the stupid "gaydar" shit. And I don't mean like, the original gaydar as in queer people clocking other queer people, but like, when gaydar got taken up by straight people and they started "clocking" any vaguely effeminate man or masculine woman and claiming they knew they were gay.

I have such a clear memory of being the only (out, at least) queer person in a group of straight people, who during our semester abroad constantly speculated about the sexuality of another of our friends. Now, very likely, this friend is queer in some way (we fell out of contact so can't confirm), and he was definitely experiencing some internalized homophobia and some issues with toxic masculinity, but gods the way they talked about the fact that he must be gay and he just was too repressed to know it. Or that his culture's values was keeping him from exploring himself (the friend was a Chinese international student, so there was also a sprinkling of racism in there as well). They always seemed so smug and pitying that they knew him better than himself, and would be the same when I suggested that instead of gay maybe he was bisexual, because of course he must be just fooling himself.

And these are people who would claim they are excepting of gay people! That support gay marriage and have gay friends! But shit like this feels bad. Especially about something where so many of us struggle with it, struggle to come to terms with it, have to fight against what society taught us was and wasn't acceptable.

It often feels like this in fics, when a character comes out and every single friend is just like "yeah you didn't know you were gay why did you think you were so obsessed with this person?" or a person comes out and "it was supposed to be a secret?" like for some people being queer isn't still incredibly dangerous. And yeah there's something to be said for escapism, but there's ways to write accepting characters without basically implying a character is stupid for being worried and struggling with their sexuality. I don't want the family and friends of a ship to be homophobic even when it might be "period accurate", but yaknow, you can have escapism without invalidating real life fears.

I think also people don't understand that it's different to have a parent having a feeling/knowing that their kid isn't straight, picking up the signs and remembering things that were said when they were children, and working to make sure the kid knows it's okay to come out to them. It's different to have a best friend (especially a queer best friend) quietly sit you down and be like "is there anything you need to tell me" or "I know you've been struggling and I think I might know why". It's different when maybe you and your friends have known this person all your life, and while you think they might be gay, you don't know for sure and you don't know if they're sure, but you will wait until they are ready to tell you because it is their shit to figure out, and it's their right to choose when to do so, but by the gods you will support them however you can.

It's also incredibly uncomfortable to constantly have characters be "super obvious" and "everyone knows something is going on" between two queer characters when neither of them are out, and it be treated as some sort of "haha they're so silly/dumb (affectionate) thinking it's a secret" like that couldn't be life or death for some folks. Especially in fandoms where it's like, canonically there is homophobia or it takes place in like, the 80s during the fucking AIDs crisis. (On a more lighthearted note, fandoms also I think put too much faith in people's ability to overcome heteronormativity, especially by the straight characters lol.)

I'm incredibly happy that people feel more comfortable being out and proud. Escapism and canons without homophobia are great and I'm glad we're getting more canons that are following the trends of like, WTNV where they're just like "lol yeah homophobia doesn't exist", but like, I just could really do without this leading to having characters make assumptions about other characters and then pitying them/making fun of them/looking down upon them for struggling. Like obviously, everyone has their own experiences, but so many fics now start to feel like we queers are being laughed at for being worried or struggling with our identities, instead of laughing with us.

Because sometimes yes, your journey to self discovery can be funny! Not denying that! I could write a whole book full of stupid things I or my friends or my friends partners did or excuses we told ourselves while we were still in denial about who we were. But I want to be laughed with not at and that's what a lot of fandom has been feeling like lately.

[truegoist]

ok so theoretically speaking could u get a nose job by breaking ur nose and then making it heal a certain way

[penrose-quinn]

I hope my three day trip with my friends will finally put my mind at peace. I just feel so lonely...

[scarletanpan]

The funny thing abt working as a merchandise vendor is now I get free reign of the backs of all the grocery stores and I can tell how questionably they’re ran just from how their shipping/receiving area looks

[missazura]

every time i feel guilty of being myself I think about the ways that I need to conform to my family's expectations and it makes me miserable. I don't know how to deal with that. obviously they want me to not be me and just. I don't know. be better or something. but that consists of throwing away what makes me, me

[chryzuree]

i know this is something i’ve written (& not posted because im shyyyy), but what if jacks lost both chrysi and azure and jst went insane because of it. what then, huh. and what does he do when, after hundreds of years of cruelty and evil, he finds himself face to face with both his soulmates and he realizes he can never be the companion they loved. what then.

[neosoulnicecream]

25 years of a mother refusing to emotionally support you take its toll

[acesammy]

Honestly I feel like this is the turning point..summer is over, I can move past it, and I feel like there’s maybe some hope for the future

[bidilfs]

it’s actually wild that medical fatphobia is so relevant that even i (someone who is not fat) still see it firsthand. like what are we doing man

[deus-ex-mona]

g o o d n i g h t .

[yukippe]

do u ever realize uve started to disconnect from the person u last remember urself being.