#but i'm not incompetent and they're always treating me as if i can't be trusted to do the bare minimum

[zipquips]

petition for my parents to stop thinking i'm unprepared and being stupid with the idea of getting a pet

[littledead-ridinghood]

okay, on my last meta I said Bruce has made Jason cry before and shown a lack of remorse for the fact as he does in the webtoon, and @tumblingxelian asked if they could see my "crying Jason" folder for their comic analysis videos (which go watch them!!! They're very good and break down misconceptions of characters usually focusing around Talia Al Ghul, Jason Todd, and Stephanie Brown). Specifically, the ones where bruce makes Jason cry. There's a 10-panel limit so this will be two parts split up between part one: Adult Jason and Part Two: Child Jason. These panels are either because Bruce made him cry or Bruce is in relation to the problem of why Jason is crying (think Lost Days which will be in the next part).

---------

Red Hood: Outlaws webtoon; episode 10, "Like Father, Like Son"

Shockingly, this is not the interaction that sparked so much controversy over the last couple of days. People are more so focused on Jason's Robin portrayal and the modern version of "he's another speck of dirt that belongs in the sewer" dialogue (no that's not what bruce said in the webtoon, for transparency, but that's what the toddler quote reminded me of. Bruce, when really mad at Jason always circles back to him being "dirty" and a "destined criminal" which I can write a whole think piece about if anyone cares(please)). As I said yesterday, I have had and still have no plans to read this story, the summary never interested me when announced and now I'm scared, so, grain of salt, people!

Roughly, Bruce and Jason get into an argument over the outlaws incompetently breaking laws. To which Bruce treats Jason like how a sexist pig of a man treats a woman when upset (i.e. "are you on your period?") It isn't later revealed until the end of the story (about 6-7 panels later) that yes, Jason was in fact crying underneath his helmet for the majority of his interaction with Bruce.

Classic Under the Red Hood monologue. Bruce didn't make Jason purposefully cry here, he, they, are both just....really goin' through it. Jason is crying, Bruce can't even look at him out of guilt and shame. I don't think this one needs much explanation, Jason would rather die than live with the Joker continuing to wreak havoc, and if Bruce doesn't do it, that's fine, he will, but if that bothers the man then he's gonna have to kill his resurrected son (spoilers: He does)

Remember, folks! We end this monologue with a flayed open and dead Jason!

This one I didn't realize Jason was crying because the panel's so small on the actual page until a different person pointed it out and I was like "Holy Fuck He Is! *screenshot*"

This one comes from Event Levithan (2020) where Bruce asked for Jason's help with the mass killings that have been going on around the world until Bruce reveals his hand and accuses Jay of being the mastermind behind the whole plot. The idea that Bruce was going off of was that Jason was blacking out and doing it out of grief over Roy's demise or something. Not a strong case. But, yes, this takes place in the continuity when Jason is Super DisownedTM. When Bruce finds him I'm pretty sure Jason says something along the lines of "I'm surprised you want my help" (it's been a minute). Once again, Jason's fully prepared to ignore his emotional grief and work placidly with Bruce's team. He just wanted to help Bruce on this case before Bruce once again takes that trust and shatters it (Ex: Batman and Robin N52 #20, iykyk). You can see the dark tear on the black part of his mask when he realizes and questions Bruce about what he actually wants with him. Bruce then sends his detective team off to apprehend Jason, who escapes because even if this story has super janky dialogue and unclear art, at least we get competent Jason.

This is from Jason's White Knight spin-off. Total Elseworld, but the theme carries over, Bruce, this time in relation, making Jason cry. The dude's kinda fucked up from being tortured for, what is it here, 3 months? Jason gets tortured a lot, kind of a multiversal constant for the man. You know that trope in sportsball movies where the guy's like "I could've gone pro if not for XYZ injury and my dreams were shattered. Don't end up like me. Don't play this game; it's a waste of time!" before becoming the gruff reluctant mentor to said child? That's Jason's characterization here, but, hey, at least he acknowledges he needs help. Again, Jason is only the sanest bat because he's the only one, elseworld and canon, who I've ever seen remark on the fact that their person is so entirely messed up, sick in the head, and needs help. All the other bats are like "I'm Fine!" when they're clearly not fine. So, A for effort. Again, very UtRH monologue, more so having a breakdown in relation to bruce rather than bruce causing it. He looks so young and forlorn in the second to last panel, and so alone in the last :(

This is Scott's interpretation of UtRH in RHatO V1. Very pretty Jason, not what happened. This was not a scene, and the rest of this scene completely contradicts Jason's main goal in UtRH, but I can't resist a crying Jason panel. He's debating shooting Bruce, he won't, but this one, ONE, panel of Lobdell's UtRH retcon does, I feel, accurately represent Jason's feelings during his Lost Days/UtRH phase. Think of him putting the bomb underneath the Batmobile. He says he wants Bruce to die, but every time he has the ability to do it, Jason is hit with these overwhelming feelings of "No, I *Don't* want Bruce to die! I just want him to understand!" That's why UtRH is so intriguing to read because yes, Jason primary goal is to control crime because a utopia of no crime is impossible. Yes, he's also an 18-year-old who died alone, came back alone, and didn't legitimately regain his ability to function until late 16-early 17 with the whole new trauma of the pit. You gotta find that sweet spot of morality & philosophy juxtaposed against feelings & trauma. Very Man vs. God. Yes, he brought Gotham's criminal world to his knees. Yes, to Jason, he literally died like 18 months earlier whereas everyone else got a nice 3 years to process his death and move on.

Bonus classic "Jason is clearly devasted but not crying" panels:

Hey! remember earlier when I mentioned Batman and Robin N52 #20? Ya, that's this one! I love using it in metas because I feel it's often forgotten about. This is after the Death of the Family arc where the Joker says he cut off the bats' faces with a razor blade and was going to force feed it to them as well as Dick forced to go undercover by Bruce (everyone else thinks he's dead), and Damian's death arc. In RHatO V1, the clown almost kills Jason again via acid to the face, so he's in a coma having unreliable narration within fever dreams until he has a heart-to-heart with subconscious Bruce. He wakes up and has a heart-to-heart with Real Bruce where they bury the hatchet (Jason took all the blame for everything in their relationship (Bruce! slit! his! throat!)). Later, when Bruce drops Jason off in front of his murder location, that whole interaction reads Very emotionally manipulative and prime-y (which is why I can take neither the hug with dream or real Bruce with love. Again, bitchful Killjoy. sorry). I could talk about this forever! He's so heartbroken! On the next page Jason says "how he was ready to put everything behind him." and that he "was done looking back." Anyway, they fight. Jason throws the first punch and kinda sorta halfway misses and Bruce responds with a whammy to the jaw. Hitting him into the dirt in the same spot the joker did. It comes to light, implicitly, that Bruce didn't even want Jason there to reveal his murder, but because he knew it would trigger Jason to lash out at him. He was using Jason as a tool to punish himself. Jason commits mental suicide after this; enter: amnesia arc.

Again, no tears. But they're implied.

I wanted to put the entirety of RHatO V2 #25 here, but, because that is not possible, instead y'all get this third of a page where Jason's literally given up and dropped into unconsciousness to which Bruce finally stops beating him. ahhh family, you know, dragging them around like trash because you think they did something but also have a shit tone of pent-up anger over your failed wedding and the scapegoat just happens to get caught in the crossfire of everything, and oh! Look! It looks like you beat your kid to death with your bare hands! Oh My God! Jason predominantly doesn't fight back during this, hardly even defends himself. Jason doesn't cry when he's taking or taken hits. He just rolls with them. Whether he thinks he deserves it, taking the hits for someone else and wants to be a strong protector, and/or he grew u getting beat around a lot so he's used to it/doesn't want to give [them] what they want/knows it'll only make it worse/etc etc. (*whispers* he's a child of severe abuse).

Jason is characterized as someone who is super smart, logical, and pragmatic, but he also acts with his heart a lot. He wears his helmet because as much as he tries to hide his true feelings, he has never been able to consistently hide them from his face and sleeve. Jason gets pulled in multiple directions by who he is and by what a bat is supposed to be, and I don't mean that just kill or no kill. That is not the only line that isolates him from the other. Part is due that the majority of the bats joined and formed in the wake of his death, but also a lot of his internal working seem very not bat-stereotype no matter how much his external is. I will always go back to his freedom of emotional expression on this as it's such a huge part of his character that other bats constantly rag on. For another example, for as many trust issues he has and as many times his trust has been broken, Jason, as opposed to many of the other bats, consistently puts himself back out there to trust people again and again, even if it's the same people who have abused that trust. Jason continues to try to fix things with Bruce, he continues to help people who have tried to kill him before, multiple times even (Think Duela and Suzie Sue), he tells his non-superhero friends who he is (think isabella in V1 who really wanted that openness from Jason and he gave it to here), and he continuously places complete and utter absolute trust in the teams he runs with. Artemis even said, roughly, in V2, that "as much as he tries to pretend he doesn't, Jason cares a lot. Takes every hit to the heart." And that's just a whole long-winded way of saying I like that Jason cries a lot because that emotional rawness of overwhelming emotion is really cathartic to read. I've read metas and commentary on it where people complain that Jason cries too much and it makes him pathetic and weak. I disagree. Jason has always just been like that, and this segues into Part Two! Child Jason crying about Bruce

[alltheselights]

Hi Emma! I really value your opinion, and I was just wondering about your thoughts on everything? I.E. the fandom, Louis… You always seem so levelheaded compared to others so I wanted to ask. Have a good night!

My only real thoughts about it are that it's really tiring to be in this fandom and see what's happening with Louis. On principle, I'm probably an exception to a lot of Larries in that I don't really care if he wants to dunk on Larries, though he chose a really stupid way to do it. A large group of these fans try to make everything he does about Harry and disrespect him regularly. For me, that's not the part that really bothers me.....it's everything that comes along with it.

I wish I understood the contradictory choices that Louis makes regularly but I just don't. He wants success and enjoys success, but he continues to surround himself with incompetent team members who don't promote him properly. He wants a broader audience to enjoy his music, but nobody outside of his existing fanbase ever hears about his music unless it's from fans' efforts. He wants people to take him seriously as a musician and is annoyed by Larries, yet he pushes other aspects of his personal life to the forefront of his public image through interviews, his documentary, and tweets. He's proud of his most recent album and feels that it represents him as an artist, yet he cuts those songs from his setlist on tour and performs covers instead. He cares more about touring than anything, but he frequently skips songs from his setlist, doesn't put effort into his stage outfits (or even hair sometimes now), and has said several times that he's hungover and not feeling his best during his shows. He adores his fans and treats them incredibly well most of the time, but the fan interactions that frequently get traction with a broader audience are things like yesterday's rude tweets or him aggressively flipping off fans who tried to rip his clothes at the barricade (as deserved as that may be, it's not really a good look).

It's just.....so incoherent? Like I truly don't understand why he and the people around him make the choices that they do based on what he himself says he wants and cares about.

He's playing some massive venues on his Latin American tour, which was just announced, and yesterday was the perfect opportunity to talk about that and push how excited he is about it during his Twitter reply spree. Instead, even 24 hours later, all people are talking about is his reply to that Larrie when he could have just fucking ignored that stupid ass tweet. A bunch of things related to that tweet were trending on Twitter - along with "Freddie" because of his two tweets about his supposed child - and now there are articles about another Larry denial. Is Louis on tour? Has he put out any albums? Is he still a musician at all? Nobody in the general public has any idea, but at least they know that he denies Larry on a near yearly basis and that he has a kid that is apparently his twin. Congrats!

And it's annoying because solo Louies are so busy enjoying that a Larrie got publicly dunked on that they can't even see that this kind of shit actually doesn't help Louis at all. Oh, sure, it's driving away fans! And I know that a lot of solo Louies think Louis would be better off without Larries (and trust me, I feel that about some Larries too when they're making everything about a relationship instead of his career) but the reality is that Louis shouldn't drive away fans. There are ways to deal with annoying fans that don't include publicly degrading them and making MORE fucking headlines about rumors that you supposedly want to die out. If he was actually trying to expand his fanbase and then tried to get rid of fans that aren't here to appreciate him as an individual or his solo career, I could respect that.....but that's not what's happening. Instead, he drives away existing fans and does nothing to add new ones.

As someone who has loved him since 2012 and wants nothing more than his success, watching his lost potential over the course of so many years has been one of the worst things ever. I see things like what happened yesterday and see the reactions to it (both people getting angry and leaving AND people rejoicing because they're too short-sighted to realize that this doesn't solve problems and only hurts Louis in the long-run) and I just roll my eyes. I'm not upset, I'm not angry, I'm just tired. It's hard to keep saying that you want better for someone who doesn't seem to want better for themselves.

[canwediscuss]

Weaponized incompetence is not a difficult problem to deal with if you're not a cunt.

First probability: It's probably not weaponized, you're looking for things to be unhappy about. Solution: Is it really a big deal? Do you care more if the laundry is folded or if it is folded YOUR way? If it's the former, let it go. They do it different. It's not bad. It got done and you didn't have to do it. If it's the latter, do it yourself. Have them pick up another chore. Your peculiarities are not the gold standard of living in every single metric, if any, and you shouldn't demand someone do something you aren't willing to do yourself. If you are easy to please, it will be easier to put in effort to please you.

Second possibility: It's still not malicious, you haven't clearly communicated what you want, electing to imply, complain, and demand without actually showing any vulnerability or need. Solution: Learn how to ask. Show that you have wants. Good examples: "I would love to have the kitchen completely clean before the weekend." "I can't take care of 100% of the laundry anymore, I need help." "I'm stressing about the trip, will you help me pack tonight so it's off the list?" Bad examples: "The kitchen is always so dirty." "Why are you so lazy? I end up having to do your laundry every week. I'm not your maid." "You need to pack tonight. Don't leave it for tomorrow."

Third possibility: You're with someone incompetent. Maybe they're so dumb they can't breathe and solve 2+2 at the same time. Maybe they were horribly abused and have no life skills. Solution: Teach them. Or leave them. Follow all steps from previous solutions and add to them simple demonstrations of how to do something- before they do it.

Fourth possibility: It is weaponized. Solution: if you aren't going to leave them for it, get off the fence and improve the relationship. In addition to being clear, vulnerable, and not criticizing, Don't Ever Finish The Task. Seperate all tasks if you have to. If they burn breakfast, make yourself a single portion, express sympathy that they made a mistake. If they always leave soap residue on the cups, designate one cup for you that you wash yourself, let them drink out of the soapy cups. The biggest factor is that this is a childish behavior so you must treat them like a child. "Pay attention to what you want to see continue." Don't invest emotion into the misbehavior. Don't let it affect you. Let natural consequences take their toll. I once read a reddit about a woman whose husband volunteered to host Christmas, told her he'd do it himself, and then she was worried she'd be blames for his lack of preparation so she jumped in and did the whole meal anyway. Whether it was on purpose or not, she should not have handled it that way. If he was genuinely going to take care of it, she should show respect by letting him take care of it and trust by letting him make a mistake that would not affect their relationship or their physical security. Had he been weaponizing his incompetence, she fell into his trap. Being open that he did the meal would have protected her from the embarrassment she feared and he would have learned quickly and harshly that she will not be manipulated to pick up slack she communicated she was unable to handle. To maintain boundaries even better, do not agree to things unless you are prepared to follow through. Saying "I can't." Is good enough if you believe in yourself enough.

If anyone thinks they have an example of weaponized incompetence that is definitely manipulative and cannot be solved by letting them fail

[our-blood-is-our-ink]

You ask me for all of mine, turn about's fair play, I want all of yours. 😈

But specifically V + S Claireve. Because. My actual children.

EVIL EVIL TURN ABOUT IS NOT FAIR PLAY HOW DARE YOU ONLY HAD FOUR I HAD FIVE

Anyways, they're all below the cut 😭

Claire blurb-fic:

And then something big must have happened in her private life, because Claire is an absolute menace even to you one Monday, tearing through the office morale like a hot knife to butter.

You don't dare say a thing, even when she snaps at you later that night for being incompetent, and you just sit and take it.

She doesn't mean it personally.

You know that.

But by the time Thursday rolls around, her attitude hasn't changed, and you've found yourself retreating, becoming as small and invisible as possible in an attempt to spare yourself from Claire’s wrath.

*I didn't take from what I had written I honestly don't want to bother with smut warnings on this. But please trust I did add!!

Idk:

Nobody important will be upset if you decide you don't want to do it. Or if you want to wait. Ima gives Claire Elizabeth a knowing look. Mama would be more upset to find out you went into this not a hundred percent certain than if you were to back out. You aren't trapped in this role yet, little witch. You don't have to be if you don't want to be.

Claire Elizabeth can't think of a way to express her thoughts, so she remains quiet, thinking as they walk.

They're getting closer to home when she finally finds the right words.

I don't think there is a way to be completely certain this is something I want. Claire Elizabeth softly says. Because it's the sort of thing I need to experience first. And once it is something that I experience, it'll be hard to pull away simply because of the nature of the job I'm agreeing to undertake. I don't have the luxury of trial and error, and I've made as much peace with that as I am able. I know I don't have to become crown heir, but I want to. More than I am scared, more than I am unsure. I want to help Mama, and I want to help our people. That's what's more important to me.

Snapshot Three:

“Excuse me.”

Hela lifts her head, angry words waiting to be used, when she sees who it is that has spoken.

“What is it?” She asks instead, her tone clipped.

Wanda, the young witch Agatha had settled on for her heir since she and Hela had decided children were not for them, bites her lip, and Hela can see out of the corner of her eye the red head's twin nervously waiting.

V+S Claireve:

The pleasure Eve feels only heightens Claire’s and she moans uncontrollably as waves of ecstasy wash over her.

She can feel how her fingers dig into the soft skin at Eve’s waist, and she eases it a bit, before she can accidentally break a bone or draw blood.

“No.” Her wife whimpers. “Please.”

*this isn't explicit just implied so

Goddess Agatha x Eve:

Eve goes from merely holding her wine glass to clutching it at her neighbor’s words.

She doesn't know much about Emmiline, the other woman mostly keeping to herself, having moved in next door when Brendan had been about three.

But Eve does know she had always treated the three of them kindly, whenever they crossed paths.

Two of you. Her mind whispers, and she takes a big gulp of the smooth, deep red liquid.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

I honestly believe mammon is the most thought out character, not to shit on the others of course but. Irk it just feels like he's been fleshed out way more and he's just so complex? If that makes sense. Its been a long time since I've hyperfixated on a character this much. He just- AAAAAA This man makes me feral.

Okay this.

I love the others but Mammon (and Lucifer) do feel like the most fleshed out and nuanced of the characters,

Almost like Solmare

had a

prototype????

But that'd be insane!

Okay no for real Mammon's character design was finalised and perfect before they even put it on paper, while the others had their character designs constantly changing. The creator even said that they had a soft spot for the dark skin/light hair character trope. Mammon being MC's "sidekick" was also there from the start.

And no hate to Zeus but in lots of areas Mammon does feel like a more fleshed out version of him. Zeus' tits are huge though sorry Mammon

And it does feel like the devs/creators have a soft spot for Mammon? I mean I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be for someone who stans the others but as someone who's hardcore simping for Mammon I'm not gonna complain. I mean he's the only brother to have a whole lesson in both S2 and S3 dedicated just to MC going out on a date with him?? That's an insane amount of favouritism.

And he has such clear character development from the very start? And there's so much layers to him?

He's first presented as an incompetent irresponsible greedy idiot with a temper and a huge ego but we start learning almost immediately that none of that is true.

During the TSL quiz after Lucifer saves MC from Levi, Satan says that MC is important to Lucifer because he doesn't want to disappoint Diavolo. Meaning Lucifer made Mammon MC's babysitter because he was the only one Lucifer would trust to keep a human alive, even above himself. And Mammon constantly proves this is true - this happens in around Lesson 4? So then we start questioning whether he's actually irresponsible.

Pretty early on in the lessons Mammon brings up the kid he's fostering and the brothers dismiss it as lies but then in the Guardian Demon UR that is available in the usual nightmare pulls it's revealed that this is actually true and he's planning on fostering her till she's an adult. Which dismisses the fact that 'the only thing he is, is greedy'

His temper itself is very surface level. Even though he snaps and threatens MC in the first lesson they never take him seriously and even talk back. Even though he has enough (completely reasonable) opportunities to lose his cool he never does, he even let's Beel string him up when technically he's more powerful than Beel and he never snaps and tries to kill MC

His ego is also just a surface level thing. It's there solely to cover up an absolute mess of self-esteem issues and we can see it crack and see the doubt seep through whenever MC genuinely compliments him and he falters because not only is he not used to it, he also doesn't believe that he's anywhere near being the greatest. And the sad part is, in S3 we see that Mammon didn't always have self esteem issues. Angel Mammon had an easy sort of confidence that demon Mammon never had and the obvious reason for this is the way he is treated by his brothers as an angel vs as a demon. And obviously the brothers all love each other to death and back and I'm sure it wasn't intentional and the others don't even realise what they're doing but they're really fucking Mammon over

The Mammon Way SSR, also found in the normal nightmare, shows that he's not actually an idiot, he just can't find the motivation/desire/ability to focus on things like school work but if you find a way to connect school work with something he actually cares about he starts getting good at it. S3 later confirms that Mammon was never stupid but instead heavily gives the vibes of the gifted kid who got burnt out in highschool and then stopped trying (this shit is so relatable is2g)

The incompetent thing is also challenged throughout both the main storyline and events and devilgrams. We find out he has an insane amount of competency when he gets serious about something and has a variety of skills in a lot of different fields and picks up new skills really fast (I'm actually making a list of everything Mammon's canonically good at and it's long)

tldr: OM! Lesson 1 to 2 slaps you in the face with a first impression of Mammon and then from Lesson 3 onwards they start slowly dismantling that image showing you this compassionate, loyal, emotional, caring, sweet, hopelessly romantic person who, yes, is still kind of a dick but is also an amazing character. With each season, each event and devilgram, you get to uncover something new about Mammon, something that's always hard not to love and personally that's a major component of what's making me hyperfixate on him. The fact that he has multiple layers and you're always discovering a new one

S3 tells us that Mammon was a terrible angel because he was too mischievous and all three seasons show us that he's a terrible demon because he's too good. And you know what that makes him? Human. Mammon's a character who is terribly human. He's not wholly good or bad. He's got faults and vices and bad days. But he's still so lovable because with the way he's written we come into the realisation of who he is as a character at the same speed that MC does. And if you're willing to open yourself up to it you get to fall in love with him along with MC.

[avvocarlo]

my work is giving me the absolute shits at the moment. I genuinely want to be able to work, except the problem is they're doing it in the most irritating way possible. I've been saying No near on 95 % of the time because it'll be one or more of the following: asking at 9 pm tonight if I can be somewhere tomorrow for 8 am - 3 pm, only a day or so notice, a few hours prior to the shift - this is including sleepovers - somewhere I haven't been to before on that very day, asking me to do back to back shifts while I was already on shift or soon after finishing, offering only a few days in advance to do a 24 hour shift at a place that's over 50 km away. also keep in mind that this is unpredictable work, I genuinely could get a knife in the neck one day for all I know

like no I'm not going to accept these anymore. I was going completely mental for all those months I had long weeks that were at times an upward of 60-70 hours, sleeping in a house that wasn't my own, doing stressful work in a multitude of locations, frequent texts and calls from multiple people (org rostering, coordinators, supervisors, agency staff) every single day demanding that we remove, add, or alter shifts by location, hours etc. that then culminated into some insanely stressful shifts that were utterly cooked by a horrific level of mismanagement. to mention these events in detail would be a whole post by itself I'm sure.

not too long ago they caught on to me that I was essentially burnt out, I told them the last minute shift offers were significantly bothering myself and my partner, they seemingly listened. I'm not sure if my regular coordinator is gone, but that had soon been disregarded. they probably believe I'm difficult or possibly lazy, but their logistical and organisational skills are so mind blowingly incompetent that it will inevitably beget this kind of outcome. what do you expect to happen?

I'm agency at the moment, and we're in the process of moving me somewhere else organisation-wise that will provide consistency, except idk man... I'm feeling incredibly jaded by the whole situation, there was a period I wanted to leave my agency and transition over to the organisation I'm still at, the organisation then seemed to take it upon themselves to use this as a way of pushing my boundaries. increased calls, ridiculous expectations, etc etc.

some people might argue that's to test my worth! that I needed to stick it out! why? what to blindly follow the promise of dangling keys above me like some kind of chump? come on man, there's no way I'm going to fall for that, nor am I going to be some performing bitchboy who puts up with that type of behaviour. I've been called a great worker by my agency/organisation, except it's increasingly difficult to even tell how genuine they are. it does seem like a lot of smoke and mirrors, truly. if I'm so great then why did you treat me that way? I'm better than that, I suppose if I wasn't an asset in their mind they wouldn't be fighting to keep me within the agency + organisation. which again, I don't overly trust. they seem to believe I can't catch on to how facetious many aspects of this industry are. Self Care, Therapeutic Responses, oh did you do this? Ahhh always follow the planner! Be the Gestapo for the love of god, except don't. you know what I mean?

anyway, feeling pretty frustrated about this situation. having time away (as you can all tell by the increased posting over the last month) certainly helped me realise what was important and how I truly felt, unfortunately that only helps me by personal perspective rather than an actual subsequent change with financial compensation, job security, or career pathways... hopefully things will be on the up soon? a sense of structure is extremely important to me

[aetherlocket]

Follow the River

BNHA X READER

Fantasy AU

This is chapter 1. Read the rest on FFNET, AO3 or Wattpad!!

There was a great white palace that was impossible to not catch eye of peering over a fog blanketed summit, where King Enji, Prince Shoto, and Enji's other children resided. Many knights guarded the palace and served under the King, and (Y/n) was one of them.

She was born and raised to become a warrior and serve for one in a higher position. It was something of a family tradition for the women to become something of the sort. Her father was more of a businessman, her grandfather a chauffeur, while her mother was a dragon hunter, and her grandmother also a knight, though not quite so skilled.

Although (Y/n) didn't have the natural talent her female family did when it came to fighting, she tried her best and eventually earned the respect of many skilled warriors in the Kingdom of Yuuei. Every day, she seemed to learn something new in the art of combat, while dedicating her life to the protection of Prince Shoto.

Only few, including her, knew of the corruption underlying King Enji and his family. The blatant favoritism when it came to King Enji choosing his heir went overlooked and uncontested in the community due to his outstanding reputation.

On the road not too far off from the great palace was a white horse. (Y/n) the knight handled the frantic animal attached to the carriage as if it was nothing, and Prince Shoto watched carefully as if he would learn just by watching her armor covered hands move the reins.

"How far is this kingdom?" he asked.

"If you fall asleep, it'll feel like nothing," the knight's voice was echoey and serious inside the steel helm.

"So it's far." Shoto sighed and his eyes fluttered closed as well, sinking into his seat just a bit. "All I must do is speak with this noble's daughter, correct? And then I may go home?"

"Yes. I've forgotten her full name, but your own father is considering a marriage between you two," (Y/n) replied without hesitation.

"I- what?" Shoto blinked. "Why hasn't he told me this?"

There was no response.

"Why do you know, but not me?"

(Y/n) stayed silent, and only swallowed nervously.

"Ah," Shoto sighed. "I see. You weren't supposed to say that."

"Please don't tell King Enji I said anything.." (Y/n) squeaked, not befitting for a warrior graced with the strongest armor and sharpest sword in the kingdom.

"Don't worry about it.." Shoto's voice lowered as he turned his head to the side, watching the trees rapidly pass by him, his hair covering some of his view as a frown made its way to his face. (Y/n) turned her head away from the road for a second to make sure Shoto was alright, and something in his expression flicked a switch in her.

"I.. You know, he isn't sure. It's just to see if she's up to his standards, I guess. Not a guarantee-"

"Won't you get in trouble if you keep talking?" Shoto said with his usual dead tone, but he was just a bit relieved on the inside. He had no intention on marrying anyone, and being forced to would further destroy the already unbearable relationship between him and his father.

(Y/n) nodded without a sound and focused her eyes on the road from then on. But then Shoto pouted. He wanted to know more.

"How do you feel about this?" Shoto asked. "This.. marriage."

(Y/n) hesitated for a moment before answering. "This.. is what the King wants, so there isn't much I can do about it. I just don't agree with it, per say... It's not right..."

"That's all I needed to know," Shoto replied.

(Y/n) always wondered what was going on inside of Shoto's mind, and that moment was no exception. He was an enigma. She didn't blame him for being cold at times, however.

She also wasn't particularly so sure about that area. She hadn't been to their destination before, so she simply trusted her instincts and a ripped map to take her and Prince Shoto there.

Being trusted with such an important figure in the kingdom gave her stomach butterflies. As she began to feel a smile free itself from under her helmet, the carriage came to a sudden halt, throwing both (Y/n) and Shoto forwards.

"Step out slowly. Keep your hands in the air and don't try anything," said a voice, and a battle axe was pointed at the pair. Three, to be exact, one for each silhouette.

(Y/n) knew better than to reach for her halberd, and reassured Shoto with a quick, soft metal touch to his shoulder, slowly leaving the white carriage. "You're challenging someone with armor and a weapon while you're bare? I hope you know that you won't be leaving with the Prince."

"Oh, we don't care about the Prince. We just happened to hear from someone that you're carrying a lot of money in that carriage to offer the daughter of that noble," said a different man, presumably a second bandit. "But we may have to kill him if you resist. There's three of us, and only one has to get close to him. Your armor means nothing."

The third bandit made his way behind the carriage, closer to the Prince, just in case. Shoto gave (Y/n) a look, though she couldn't tell, facing away from him. She was already sweating in her armor from the sun and quite worn out from training, so this wasn't the ideal situation for her. And yet, she didn't downplay herself.

The knight lifted the front of her helm, exposing her face, riddled with sweat. "Yes, there is money. There's a bag next to where the Prince is sitting," (Y/n) said, taking the chance to look at Shoto. He shook his head, as if reading her mind, diverting his gaze to the bandits, his hands inching closer to his sword by the second.

"Before you go and do that," (Y/n) said, stopping the second bandit from walking past her, "Who gave you this information? Only us, the King and the noble were informed of this."

"I won't say. You'd have them executed. They're a big help, so we can't have that," he said, and smiled. (Y/n) cursed mentally. Was it one person, and the bandit refused to reveal their gender, or is it another group of people?

As the second man placed his foot on the edge of the carriage, (Y/n) halberd left it's holster, its tip barely making its way to the second man's neck before the edge of an axe was placed dangerously close to Shoto's neck as well.

"You're risking the life of your Prince? I don't understand you. Some knight you are," said the second bandit.

"I apologize," (Y/n) said, moving her halberd away from his neck.

"Thank you for the distraction," Shoto said, and before anyone could process it, blood fell down like a fountain to dirt. The second bandit tried to speak, only to cough up blood. "Speaking with a sword through your heart proves to be difficult, doesn't it?"

The loud thud of the large man hitting the floor made even the knight flinch, watching the man writhe in agony, holding his fist weakly against his heart for his last few moments. She then realized; she wasn't doing anything to help whatsoever.

"Fuck!" The other men had tried vigilantly to swing their axes at the Prince, who jumped back off of the carriage. It seemed that they had completely forgotten about the money, and focused their attention on the death of the Prince.

The knight missed her attack, but they couldn't even reach the Prince before a clean slice to their necks were delivered by who they were trying so desperately to kill. They went into a stiff paralysis and fell over, holding their necks and drowning in their own blood.

(Y/n) could only stand there mesmerized, lowing her bloody halberd, almost forgetting to wipe the acidic substance coating it.

She was also, frankly, ashamed.

The blood on her halberd wasn't because she had killed them, saving the Prince. It was splatter from the Prince having to defend himself with an incompetent knight by his side.

"I assume we'll have to reschedule this little trip," Shoto said, wiping some blood off of the edge of his lips and softly running his fingers through the docile horse's mane. "Turn the carriage around."

****

Many could tell, simply by watching (Y/n)'s face in the rare times she had her helmet off, or even completely covered, simply from her body language, that she didn't enjoy working in the palace. Even Shoto could tell how much energy wearing the heavy suit and sparring with the others as training took from her each day.

No one could blame her. No one liked working for Enji Todoroki. Ask anyone in the palace for their opinion of him, and it will be some variation of 'bastard' or 'good for nothing.' Ask people outside the palace, and it will be something positive or indifferent, because they believe whatever the newspapers tell them.

Shoto had asked his knight once: "What do you think of this idea; I run away from this place and start a new life."

To which (Y/n) blinked and removed her steel helmet, a way of expressing her concern. It was then that Shoto knew she was serious. "Are you really considering this?"

Shoto only nodded. He felt often like he had said too much, basically, whenever he spoke. His father did a great job of making this point around him.

"I understand," said (Y/n), to his surprise.

He expected a, 'You're delusional. You're a rich prince with everything you could ever want!' or, 'Don't take your position for granted. I'd kill to be in your place.'

"I doubt that," Shoto replied, attempting to provoke her into speaking her mind a bit more, hoping for more encouraging words.

"I can tell why you do, my Prince," (Y/n) said. It wasn't working.

Shoto sighed. "I can't talk to anyone without them treating me like a Prince. I'm just a normal kid on the inside, damnit.." His voice was as low as a whimper, but (Y/n) could hear every syllable as they left his mouth. She pretended not to hear and kept her head down.

***

Shoto hadn't dared to enter the knight's quarters without permission once before.. but he had made up his mind that night about something.

Shoto chuckled as he saw (Y/n) with her helmet still on as she slept. He removed it as slowly as possible, and wasn't surprised to see that her face was sweating uncontrollably with rosy cheeks, and her hair messy.

He almost forgot why he was there as (Y/n) began to wake up, presumably from the sudden influx of cool, fresh air hitting her face.

Shoto held his hand out before the girl could fully awaken. "Come, I'm leaving tonight."

"Prince? What do you mean leaving? Why are you in the knight's quarters? I-"

"Just get your armor and weapons and come," Shoto put a finger to her mouth, lightly squeezing her arm. She didn't dare protest any further. If it was the Prince's will, then she was meant to follow it, no matter what. But there was something off this time. He seemed happy, in a way, for once, without smiling. Shoto helped carry parts of her armor out of the quarters while she carried her halberd, most dangerous areas facing the ground as Shoto led the way.

"So what's happening exactly?" (Y/n) asked, stuffing some leftover yen into her pocket.

Shoto only walked into his room and gestured for the knight to join him. He was already wearing what he usually did, his royal attire embroidered especially for him along with his holstered sword. "I told you, we're leaving."

"You weren't kidding..?" The knight chuckled. "I understand you want to leave this place, but think about it. Your dad will do anything to get you back-"

"I don't care. I'd like to see him try," Shoto replied coldly, polishing his weapon and slipping on a few bracelets, hiding them under his sleeve. "I'm not going to that noble's place. I'm not marrying his daughter either, so I'll have to leave before the trip is rescheduled. Easy as that."

***

"So where.. exactly.. are we going?" (Y/n) asked the Prince.

"To a certain mountain," replied he.

"You don't mean.. That one.. right?"

After a brief moment of silence, (Y/n)'s worst fears were confirmed, and her tongue began to feel heavy in her mouth. "Sir.."

"Is there a problem?" Shoto asked, looking straight ahead as he walked.

"I'm.. not sure if I can protect you, if anything happens, if that makes sense."

Shoto stopped and turned to face the knight. "What are you talking about?"

"Well.. a few days ago.. those men trying to take the money.. and how I was basically useless.. You had to do everything yourself. It doesn't make sense-"

"You were tired," Shoto interrupted her, then continued walking.

(Y/n) stood there for a moment, staring at the ground before picking up her pace to match the Prince's again, until they reached the base of the mountain.

"Why are there steps?" (Y/n) asked.

"Mount Hosu used to be a tourist attraction.. it's closed because of the dragon rumored to live here now."

(Y/n) shivered. "Dragon."

"Did you say something?"

"Nope."

They continued forward, climbing up an unholy amount of steps before it split into two different paths. One of the paths was dry and bare, while the other had a stream of water beside it.

"Just follow the river," Shoto said, and walked along the path with the stream of water.

"How come you know this place so well, Prince?" (Y/n) asked. As far as she knew, Shoto stayed locked in the castle all his life, and only left under supervision from her or another trusted knight.

"It's not Prince anymore, just Shoto," the boy dodged the question expertly.

***

It took a while, but they finally arrived at the top. (Y/n) immediately used her survival skills. (Y/n) gathered dry wood and use a spindle stick to light a small ember. Shoto tried himself but failed, only giving himself some splinters from the wood.

With the knight's guidance, Shoto successfully managed to roast a wild animal. Of course, Shoto had really understood none of it, but nodded in silence, and hoped that she would help him later.

"Now that I've helped you.." (Y/n) began to trace her finger across the dirt. "How about you teach me more about fighting? A knight should know more, if not just as much, as their Prince. It only makes sense."

Shoto hummed. "You're already known as a strong warrior. I don't believe you need extra training."

"Please?"

"I'm nothing special.. I can't really teach."

"Please?" (Y/n) pleaded.

"... Tomorrow, maybe," Shoto relented. He walked over behind a tree and took out two folded tents.

"Did you plan this or something?" the knight asked.

"I've been considering it for a while, let's say."

As they settled, a teenage boy had just finished climbing up the same steep mountain as the Prince and the Prince's close knight, and he was exhausted. Then, as he caught his breath, he repeated his goal over and over in his head; to hunt down the dragon perched somewhere on this godforsaken mountain.

[aotopmha]

Attack On Titan Chapter 118 Thoughts

Aside from a few smaller moments, I think there really are just two big points to talk about in this chapter:

1) We're given much more direct doubt about Eren's apparent agreement to Zeke's plan and through that, also to Historia's apparent pregnancy and Eren's claims about the Ackerbond being a thing.

2) Gabi's and Falco's arcs have at least in a large capacity moved towards being done. I feel like there might be a little bit more coming from them from this point on, but they now have pretty clearly-defined character arcs.

So, going to the first point, we're just straight-up told Eren might be lying.

I really like that there is doubt in the claim that he's lying, as I think there should be after Eren broke everyone's trust like he did.

Mikasa leaving her scarf behind, Connie having enough of being betrayed, Armin trying to reason it out and Jean admitting his envy are all great in-character moments to show everyone's doubts and hopes about Eren and add just the right enough needed nuance to the situation. Eren can't just treat everyone like shit and abuse their trust in him without any kind of doubt from all of them.

I think Mikasa leaving her scarf behind is particularly nicely handled. It feels like she is leaving it behind in case the doubts about Eren turn out to be true, it’s not a heavy-handed "I'm done with him forever" moment, but rather a much more mature, nuanced "we'll see" moment as I think is appropriate for her character.

By the end of the scene, none of them completely turn on Eren yet, but they're also not completely on his side. Again, just the appropriate amount of nuance in my eyes when considering everyone's relationships with Eren and what he did.

The Ackerbond idea being a lie is supported by them rebelling against the king, but also by the fact that Mikasa is doubting Eren at all - she tries to reason it being real because she is supporting him at all, but that's also just as easily all her own feelings and the bond they actually ended up developing.

Eren possibly going along with Zeke and Yelena just for the sake of another goal of his own says that Historia didn't have to go along with Kiyomi's plan, either.

As of this chapter, I actually stand most by the two possible ideas that Eren might either intend to wake the Wall Titans either as just a threat to scare the rest of the world or, looking at the scene Armin thinks of, he might wake the Wall Titans for destruction, but as of now I'm at least pretty confident he at least has his own thing going:

As for the second point, Gabi finally sees the world in a more complex manner than just the black and white "Eldians are bad and Marleyans are good" mentality because of her interactions with the Braus family and Kaya:

Her moment of character development happens after she hears Kaya talking about her in such a hateful and hurt manner.

That moment happens because she saw her kindness and came to see her as a person like any other.

She got the chance Marley doesn't give it's people: she got to see another perspective beyond the black and white one she developed because of Marley.

It's Eren's and Reiner's arc across a much shorter timespan, but I can accept it because Eren and Reiner didn't get the chance to see another perspective for a much longer time and because they had far longer-lasting baggage on them before their worldview was challenged.

Gabi's situation is much lighter: despite still being a warrior candidate, she is simply challenged before any of her life experiences have a chance to truly sink in and shape her - she just lost her friends, as well, but unlike her, Reiner and Eren got to stew in everything they went through for a while.

Falco was introduced as being fairly insecure, but the circumstances of him getting time together with Gabi, getting the chance to constantly take action and the possiblity of him turning into a Titan brought out his bravery to confess to her and be honest with Gabi.

In the face of having their worldview challenged, both turn into better and stronger people.

As for some of the side stuff, I appreciated the moment with Nile especially since it rounded out his character even more.

He's such an interesting case to me because of the dislike he gets (particularly he got at first), when he's always been pretty reasonable and understandable to me.

People simply seemed to dislike him at first because he was an antagonist to the SL, without ever even looking at what he was actually saying. It's an interesting "us vs. them" case and an interesting example of the expectations people have for the roles characters play in a story and how that affects the read of a story.

The force opposing the perspective we follow must be completely evil, right?

Nile is sort of an example of the story's themes showing up on the meta level of the story and I've always thought that’s neat.

I also thought Yelena was extremely entertaining. We haven’t had this type of larger-than-life antagonist since Kenny and she’s a lady character that’s allowed to be batshit without making her a wierd fanservice character or a completely incompetent idiot that’s just insane.

Overall, though, I thought this chapter just had really solid character writing and I enjoyed it for that.