#but idk id like to learn about other great books that were written outside of europe

[evenina]

I was recommended by google an article with the title “Top Ten Books of All Time”, and even though I suspected how it would go, I decided to click on it. It started by talking about the process of selecting those books and proceeded to trash on Goodreads and Pride and Prejudice by saying “I went on Goodreads to assist my research, but the #1 book there is Pride and Prejudice, so you can imagine how well that went” (im paraphrasing here). I scrolled down to the list, and yep, all ten books were by white (mostly european) male authors

[vagrantblvrd]

Watching the Rimmy Tim GTA Garage Tour video and omg.

Spoilers under the cut because reasons, but talk of AUs and ridiculousness also because reasons.

(In hindsight, the spoilers are like. A smidgen of this post/AU, but yes.)

I’m just.

That One AU with Jeremy who comes from a wealthy family but there’s, idk, Issues or some such associated with it that has him join the military as soon as he can?

His mom passed away when he was a kid - barely remembers her, really - and his dad threw himself into his work and Jeremy’s childhood wasn’t the greatest, you know?

Decides to go by his mother’s maiden name or something because his father’s name is so well known and he’s trying to get by on his own merits and such?

(Prove to himself he can after the last Big Argument with his dad over taking over the family business and having all his doubts and insecurities thrown into his face because born with a silver spoon in his mouth and he’s always wanted to be “norrmal” whatever that is, so. Yeah.)

Goes into the military and takes to it like nothing else. Gets thrown into a special forces group where he meets Ryan and the whole Battle Buddies thing happens, right?

Couple of idiots who don’t get along at first because Ryan’s been in spec ops for a while and he’s maybe a little jaded about rookies like Jeremy (even though Jeremy’s not shiny new at the time, but yeah).

Some rough spots until there’s a mission or something happening on their downtime/at HQ wherein they learn to look at one another in a different light?

Ryan thinking Jeremy’s a by the book kind of guy because hey, pretty new to things and he’s great at the “Yes, sir,” and “No, sir” and “Understood, sir,” shit and doesn’t yet realize what a little bastard he can be?

But yeah.

That mission where things go to shit really early on and Jeremy gets tired of playing the good little soldier - their usual handler replaced for the mission by some asshole from an letter agency who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about them, and just.

“Oh, shit,” Jeremy says, plucking his earpiece out and dropping it in the mud. “Fuck.”

Ryan watches as Jeremy brings his foot down on the earpiece, grinds it into the mud where he won’t have to listen to the weasel’s voice anymore and maybe get some shit done with minimal casualties.

Jeremy slides a look at Ryan who’s got his own earpiece in hand about to toss it into the jungle somewhere. (Always a jungle setting because anywhere ese is just not Cool Enough I guess?)

Ryan shrugs, feels his mouth twitch into a smirk because hey, maybe this Dooley asshole isn’t all bad after all?

And then the two of them go on to wreak havoc like whoah and fuck up the baddies to rescue the innocent civilians or whatever that got caught up in all this. (Ones the letter agency asshole told them were acceptable losses and to set the charges that would bring the building they’re being held in down and just. Yeah.)

Everything after that is just overall terrible for Jeremy and Ryan’s regular handler and superiors as they get along like a house on fire and things explode everywhere all the time.

After a while Jeremy feels guilty about not telling Ryan who he really is although he’s 99.9% sure Ryan’s figured it out by then? (Ryan’s kind of an idiot, but he’s not dumb, so.)

Talks himself up into Confessing to Ryan (the fact he’s in love with the asshole is a major motivation for it) but then they get that shitty mission that leaves Jeremy thinking Ryan’s dead.

Wakes up in a little clinic in a little country somewhere. No ID because the kind of mission the government would have to disavow and all that and anyway, anyway, better this way?

Problem is, okay, problem is the government thinks he’s dead too?

Helpful as he unravels the conspiracy that nearly got him killed and sure as fuck killed Ryan and also, okay, because I’m terrible like that, has Jeremy drawing on all the contacts and resources he’s made over the years in spec ops.

More than a few are ones he met through Ryan, and all of them are super fucking delighted to lend a hand when Jeremy tells them what he’s doing, you know?

Getting revenge on the assholes who killed Ryan and tried to kill Jeremy and anyway, okay. They’ve got a lot of friends out there.

Once Jeremy uncovers the conspiracy/baddies he has the choice of going back into hiding or taking his life back?

And at first he thinks it won’t be that hard of a decision because his old life was never something he wanted?

But his supposed death changed his father or made him realize how he’d been pushing Jeremy away and there’s this.

Jeremy’s old superiors give him this phone while giving him time to make his decision. (Figure he’s earned it, and they’ll make sure whatever he chooses he won’t get trouble from them and all that?)

And there’s voicemail messages he doesn’t intend to listen to, doesn’t want to know what they are because he’s definitely made up his mind about going into hiding/creating a new identity for himself?

But there’s a night in his motel room, shitty little thing close to a highway and the kind fo place he’s been staying in for the last however long it took him to get the assholes behind the conspiracy that fucked his life up beyond repair?

This night where everything that happened, everything he lost, hits him hard and he’s sitting on the edge of the bed with this stupid phone in his hand, you know?

Unremarkable flipphone deal, burner phone written all over it and it shouldn’t even be a problem to toss it in the trash and disappear, start a new life, but.

Jeremy listens to the messages on it.

A few from former friends and coworkers wishing him well and the like? But also a few from his dad.

He almost, almost deletes those messages right off the bat, but something makes him sit through them and he’s glad he did, you know, because, okay, because.

It’s clear some of the messages were left before The Mission, his dad all stiff and awkward checking in on his son? Doesn’t get why Jeremy left to join the military and there’s disapproval and condescencion galore in them, but after the first few messages the tone changes significantly.

Start just after The Mission, his dad angry at first like he thinks Jeremy’s put his superiors up to pranking him with a dead son (Jesus fuck) and the other stages of grief?

A few where he’s obviously accepted Jeremy’s death and is telling him the things he wished he had the chance to before he died. Has a whole change of heart and apologizes - he was tough on Jeremy because he wanted to prepare him for th world and all that bullshit? Did everything he did out of misguided love and apologizes and Jeremy, okay.

Never got to know his mom, but he’s got this chance to get to know his dad so he decides to reclaim his old life.

No interest in staying in the military after everything that happened, and they’re grateful enough for all he did he gets a dishonorable discharge and all that.

Goes back home and gets to know his dad, thinks about taking over the family business even though he’s not 100% sold on the idea just yet.

Which is good, because his dad isn’t pushing him to do it even if he wants Jeremy to?

Is trying real hard to let Jeremy make his own decisions and suchlike. (Has someone in line to take over some day, bright kid from the midwest and a degree in aerospace engineering. Which. Kind of not the right degree for this, but his dad doesn’t seem overly bothered and anyway, anyway, Jeremy likes Trevor pretty much from the start, so it’s all good.)

ANYWAY.

Jeremy doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life at the moment, pretty much content to let it come to him in time.

He’s got his own money - trust funds and/or the whatnot his mom set up and investments here and there, not to mention his time in the militray - so he’s covered on the financial front.

Gets a decent place of his own and starts working on figuring out who he is outside of the military and all that? (Tries not to think about shit like that he talked to Ryan about for hours, the things Ryan promised to show him/introduce him to One Day not knowing it would never come and all that, because Delicious Angst.)

Is finally starting to make good headway on figuring his shit out when his dad - who, by the way, Jeremy’s building a good relationship with - gets into trouble.

Finds out one of his trusted people in the company’s been making shady deals and the whatnot on the side for a while now. Profiting off other people’s suffering and keeping it secret until there’s a lip up. Discrephancy or soemthing Jeremy’s dad notices, looks into.

And then things go to hell again, because it gets Jeremy’s dad killed, you know?

Supposed accident - plane crash or something while he’s touring a facility and the press talking about it for weeks/months/however long, because.

Jeremy’s dad and the multi-billion dollar company their fmaily built up from nothing over several generations and just.

Yeah.

At first even Jeremy thinks it was an accident, but then he gets these phone calls and messages and realizes it totally wasn’t.

That someone killed him because he knew to too much and he’s like, fucking Christ, not this again?

But yeah, this again.

Can’t quite disappear to investigate on his own with how high-profile everything is and all that?

SO.

(This is where things take a turn for the are you fucking kidding me??? with my Plot Reasons, so bear with me???)

Jeremy goes vigilante.

Totally Batmans the shit out of things.

Digs into the money he had under his previous fake identity that he never told anyone about because who knew if he’d need it again, you know? (Don’t bother asking where he got that money because you don’t want to know? Also. A fair amount of his contacts/resources have warrants out for their arrest, so yes.)

Uses it to fund everything, and maybe puts some of his real identity money into things when his fake identity money isn’t enough, which.

Good idea?

But has the unintended result of drawing the attention of Trevor, who’s got his hands full handling the business side of things since Jeremy’s father died.

Has feelers everywhere (and a very, very good hacker in an old buddy of his) and confronts Jeremy about it.

Not sure what’s going on - thinks maybe Jeremy had something to do with his father’s death because rocky relationship ~conveniently mended not too long before his father’s death?

So, yeah.

Thinks Jeremy’s a murdered or at least capable of arranging a murder, and Jeremy’s like !!! and ??? and “What the actual fuck are you talking about, Trevor?”

And that’s how Trevor basically becomes Jeremy’s Lucius Fox???

The two of them working together to figure out what the everloving fuck happened.

Realize it’s something big, fucking huge. (Possibly connected to The Mission and the baddies responsible for it, although they’re not sure how at the moment.)

Trevor taking a specific interest in the R&D department to create gadgets/vehicles for Jeremy’s use in this private little war of his.

Matt taking on the side-gig of being Jeremy’s Oracle-ish person.

And Jeremy taking up the job his father wanted him to because it makes him a nice, shiny target, doesn’t it?

Feigns stupidity because actually great tactic? And also allows the conpirators to underestimate him to the point they expose themselves and just.

Yes.

ANYWAY.

In all this - Jeremy Bruce Wayne-ing/Batman-ing his way through things he meets this reporter type.

British bastard who’s recently moved to the states and not at all intimidated by the Dooley name and just.

All these dinner parties and Events, comments and the like over a flute of champagne on a balcony while the elites mingle inside and all that?

Feeling one another out because Gavin is totally looking into the same conspiracy that got Jeremy’s father killed (and possibly Ryan?) for his own reasons and just.

You know the careful back and forth that goes along with all that, right? The sly looks and double-speak and Intrigue that slowly gives way to mutual respect and even this friendly verbal sparring.

And then, okay, and then.

Gavin’s asked to do a piece on Jeremy for the paper/whatver news outlet he works for. More of a puff piece than anything - his last article whatever got him in big trouble because it was too critical of powerful figures in the city. (The piece on Jeremy is either a bid to keep Gavin out of trouble until things calm down or punisment, but yes.)

Jeremy’s gotten a reputation for having A Thing for fast cars (and bikes and planes and so on) and he takes Gavin on a tour of some of them.

The one thing Jeremy really spent his money on before things went to hell and his father died, and since he’s Bruce Wayne-ing the fuck out of thing he’s gone a little overboard.

Has this entire fleet of vehicles he’s given ridiculous names to  - and okay. Most of them didn’t have names until he and Gavin were walking through the garage and Jeremy was capitvated by Gavin’s laugh and honest joy at the ridculous names he had given some of them that he just made the rest up on the fly.

At which point Jeremy realizes he’s kind fo fucked because oh shit, he’s got FEELINGS for Gavin???

Has a little freakout over that because the whole Ryan thing and when did he stop thinking about him? (Guilt like whoah and thinking he’s betraying his memory even though rationally he knows Ryan would want him to move on, and anyway, anyway, Ryan never liked him liked him, so. Yes.)

Still.

He keeps freaking out until Trevor and Matt notice and have A Talk with Jeremy, get him to get his head out of his ass and realize that while his life is a shitshow - honestly, only so much Tragic Backstory one guy can have, you know? - he still deserves to be happy.

And then, okay.

Just as Jeremy realizes they have a point and he’s going to Do Something about his FEELINGS he runs into this little shit while out Batman-ing.

Thief, because of course, and breaking into the Dooley business tower for Secrets and there’s.

Fighting with the acrobatics and flexibility and Major Flirting. Rooftop chases and all that with Jeremy being like (oh no, he’s hot) because reasons, okay?

And then!

Just as he’s about to catch the thief the bastard hits him with a superhero/supervillain tazer-ish gadget. Enough to knock the wind out of him, have him drop like a ragdoll while the thief crouches beside him, something like concern (oddly familiar?) on the bit of their face he can see as they make sure he’s okay.

Little smirk when he catches Jeremy’s scowl aimed at them and a, “Next time, hmm?” before they make their getaway while Jeremy watches helplessly.

And, okay.

I think we all know Gavin’s the thief, right?

Only not so much thieving at the moment as he’s been hired by another party to do some digging into the Dooley business files because Plot Reasons.

Something Jeremy, Trevor, and Matt figure out after several weeks/months/however long of running into the bastard (Jeremy not realizing it’s Gavin all that time because of course) and such.

Jeremy fail!flirting with reporter!Gavin and the two of them kind of sort of dating? (Certainly end up in the tabloids with all this speculation surrounding them and such.)

And then, okay, and then.

Some situation where Jeremy catches Gavin in the act of Thieving at a Dooley business (it really needs a name, huh?) and thinking he’s finally caught the little bastard?

But then the real baddies, or rather some goons hired by the real baddies show up and the two of them reluctantly teaming up, because of course.

(All this time the two of them have been butting heads they’ve formed mutual respect for one another and such. Know they’re not the actual baddies of this plotline but can’t fucking get their shit together to team up on exposing the main conspiracy together because Plot Reasons???)

Anyway.

They team up and manage to beat the baddies, but Jeremy’s got a bullet in him and the cops are coming and they think Jeremy’s just as bad as the acutal baddies and it’s a mess, okay? Huge fucking mess.

Gavin dithers for a bit before he decides the hell with it and drags a Jeremy to his base of operations or whatever. Jeremy tries to protest because hey, what if this is a ploy to unmask him/kill him and Gavin ignoring him because good God, idiot, no.

They end up in a pretty involved lair - totally a lair - that’s clearly been in operation for a while now. (Years, maybe.)

Gavin sitting Jeremy down and telling him to stay put for God’s sake as he bustles off to get a medical kit to patch Jeremy up.

Fusses over him, Jeremy watching quietly because look, okay, look.

He’s known for a while who this thief must be, but he’s just.

Jeremy’s a fucking spectacular liar, you know. Best there ever was, and he’s gotten fucking great at lying to himself over the years.

So yeah.

He’s known Gavin’s the thief for a while now, just didn’t think about it. (Because then he’d have to face the truth and his life has been enough of a fucking roller-coaster without that revelation.)

And Gavin, alright.

Knows just as well the idiot he’s patching up is the same damn bastard he’s maybe a little in love with. idiot with his name on the side of a building and target painted on his chest and just.

They know.

But!

Before either of them can admit any of that, the asshole who hired Gavin to do the Thieving for him shows up.

Fucker Jeremy’s had the misfortune of running into a few times over the last however long he started Batman-ing around.

Stupid skull mask and all those goddamned knives and of course, of fucking course Gavin would not only be the thief he’s been trying to catch for forever, he’s also working for the goddamned Vagabond.

And, like.

Ryan (totally not dead, but don’t tell Jeremy that just yet) also ended up in a little clinic after The Mission.

Thought Jeremy was dead and decided to get revenge for him (them), but while Jeremy did the whole vigilante/Batman deal? Ryan went a little darker, got his hands dirtier.

Ended up picking up a mask and reputation the likes of which has hardened criminals looking over their shoulders.

Took an unplanned detour or two looking for the truth behind everything, and just as he thought he had everything figured out Jeremy resurfaced and brought it all tumbling down.

And then like.

Disbelief and anger and all that at finding out Jeremy was alive? (And guilt, for not looking for him hard enough, thinking he’d die that easily, who knows.)

Wanders about aimlessly after that for a while as Jeremy’s putting his life back together. Ryan did some shit he doesn’t think even Jeremy would forgive him for, and anyway, anyway, it’s better like this, you know? Not like Jeremy ever like-liked him, and other bullshit reasons.

Just when he’s about to set himself up for a life as a miserable bastard he runs into this little thief.

Has zero (0) plans to get to know the little bastard, but Gavin’s curious and persistent and before Ryan knows it Gavin’s carved a spot for himself in Ryan’s life.

Also, to his horror, Ryan’s gone and got FEELINGS for the idiot.

Mutual Pining, because of course?

idiots being idiots, and Gavin dragging Ryan out of that pit he’s tossed himself into bit by bit. And just when it seems like maybe Ryan can find some peace of mind?

The whole Thing of Jeremy’s father’s death and Ryan still having FEELINGS for Jeremy that make him want to find out what the fuck’s going on with that. (Because FEELINGS, but also they get wind of some terrible rumors surrounding the whole business, and also people wanting Jeremy out of the way, and just. Yeah.)

Still.

Ryan’s too dumb to know Gavin would help him out in a hearbeat if he asked like a normal human being because friends? So he goes and fucking hires Gavin, and then the thing with Jeremy’s Batman-ing and various things that end with the whole Jeremy being shot and Dramatic Reveal and yes.

Suspicion and paranoia (~broken trust that’s just them being dumb, but with good reason) and Delicious Angst and Drama as the three of them try to work together to find out what the fuck is going on.

Also?

Mutual pining like whoah because of course Jeremy and Ryan are still in love with one another after all this time? But now they’re also in love with Gavin and Gavin’s in love with them and they’re all super fucking dumb about it.

Trevor and Matt figure out the whole complicated ~love triangle (it really isn’t that, though, like wow, no) almost immediately and are just like jfc, why all the time the three of them are painfully oblivious about things?

Lots of fights with the baddies and minor injuries that allow Jeremy, Ryan, and Gavin to fuss over one another and have quite confession times about shit.

(Jeremy telling Ryan he wanted to tell him who he was before The Mission. Ryan wanting to ~reveal he was still alive to Jeremy but being afraid what might happen if he did because emotional constipation? Jeremy and Gavin and the whole situation they’ve been dealing with since they met, because omg, idiots. And then, like. Ryan and Gavin and this whole Thing neither of them have face up to between them that’s been brewing for forever. AND. The three of them being really fucking stupid about things.)

And then!

Final Confrontation in which they finally uproot the conspiracy/baddies responsible for The Mission and Jeremy’s father’s dead and this ??? moment where they’re not sure what’s going to happen now that everything’s dealt with?

Like.

Gavin’s still a thief and Ryan’s done some things (he thinks) Jeremy would never forgive him for and fuck knows what’s going on with Jeremy and his Batman-ing now.

Ryan and Gavin are about to take off - better that away and obviously Jeremy doesn’t have FEELINGS for them - when Trevor and Matt have ahd enough and engineer a situation where the three of them have no choice but to figure their shit out.

Lock them in a room/wherever together and refuse to let them out until they fucking talk to one another or something simlar and then it’s just.

Jesus Christ it’s awkward. And painful. And honestly kind of horrible, but they do the Talking and realize holy shit, they do have FEELINGS for one another and realize they could maybe actually do something good about it if they fucking tried, so.

Yes.

The three of them getting their shit together and  Jeremy continuing to Batman.

Ryan and Gavin sticking around, although now they’re working (mostly, although there are times they Thief when it comes to pretty shinies or just a unique challenge rather than for crime’s sake. (But that’s actually okay, because it means cat and mouse games with Jeremy in which outrageous cheating methods such as kissing Jeremy stupid are employed or vice versa and just. Yes.)

Jeremy takes a twisted sort of delight in confusing the fuck out the tabloids because he’s seen out and about with Gavin or Ryan. It’s assumed he’s shamelessly cheating on one with the other? But then the three of them are caught on what’s clearly a romantic night out or whatever and is the Dooley heir in a poly relationship or just that shameless???

And so on.

But really, it’s the three of them being complete assholes who are totally ~in love with one another taking perverse joy in tormenting the tabloids and all that.

:D????

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[froppy-the-frog]

Electric Love- Kaminari Denki x Jiro Kyoka

So, I have never written fanfiction before. But then I read this beautiful fic by shikastemari and honestly I was so inspired by it that I wanted to take a crack at writing my own. Please go read their writing because it’s so good ahhhh. So, my fic shares a similar premise/situation to their fic- Kaminari asking Jiro for help playing guitar for the school festival. 

Note: Listen, we all love Kaminari for the flirtatious, hilarious, friendly loser that he is. The boy does not excel at school, but he does actually possess knowledge regarding the arts (literature, art, etc) and I think we all need to remember that. So, I personally headcannon that while he sucks a school in a traditional classroom environment, he actually really enjoys reading classic literature, has quite a broad vocabulary, and writes down his favorite quotes in the notes app on his phone. I also think he really would enjoy indie rock and pop. Idk he gives off those vibes imo. Jiro prefers rock music I think, but she is listens to a lot of different songs and constantly is recommending songs to people that she thinks they would like. She is very shy but also really enjoys calling Kaminari different nicknames. 

Anyways.

This story takes place sometime before the school festival where they throw that concert. Also, idk if you’re supposed to use character’s last names or their first names, so I did a mix. Also, there may be some spelling errors and grammar errors. Please forgive me if that’s the case. Fic title inspired by this song. 

Word count: 4,948

Part: 1/? Idk I might write a sequel if I feel like it and/or have time

Warnings: fluff, maybe some angst?

Pairings: Jiro Kyoka x Kaminari Denki

Outside sources referenced/used: Practice; The Learn’d Astronomer, Prometheus Unbound, Electric Love

Kaminari Denki had had enough of today. His last class had ended for the day, and honestly it wasn’t a second too soon. Everything today had been an absolute train wreck- between the ungodly amount of homework the teachers has assigned for over the weekend, the absolute bs that had gone down in third period between Bakugou and Midoriya that resulted in a singed classroom and a broken door, and the thunderstorm that had been booming on and off throughout the day, Kaminari was ready to scream into a pillow. Walking out of the main campus building, Kaminari pushed his headphones over his ears, pressing shuffle on his Spotify playlist adequately named ‘jams for when ur ready to lose ur goddamn mind xD’. This was the beginning of the short walk from the main campus building to the dorm building where he lived during the school year. It was overcast. A gust of wind pushing his honeyed blonde hair back, bringing with it the smell of impending. Great, Kaminari thought to himself, another thing ruin today. Kaminari absolutely loathed the rain, or really, any sort of water-electricity and water don’t exactly mix well. His foul mood festered as he quickened his pace, his hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets, and he felt a few drops of water hit his forehead. Yep, definitely is gonna rain tonight, Kaminari thought to himself. He was so looking forward to bursting into his dorm and falling face first on his bed. Unfortunately, this dream would be a nearly impossible task, at least without being interrupted, as he lived in a dorm building with all of the other students that attended UA. UA, despite being the most prestigious hero-training high school in all of Japan, still had its fair share of the typical shenanigans that teens get into-drama, gossip, flirting, Mariokart tournaments, pranks, impromptu dance-offs, etc. Kaminari normally was totally ready to get insert himself into whatever social situation was going on in the common spaces. He considered himself to be a pretty gregarious, easy-going guy. He really liked hanging out with the other heroes in training. They were great to banter with, and he especially loved playfully flirting with the girls. But tonight, he wanted none of that, only hoping to slip unnoticed into his dorm so he could scream into his pillow. After a few minutes of walking, Kaminari reached the entrance of the dorm buildings. He scanned his ID and the door buzzed, signally it was unlocked so he could enter. Taking a deep breath, he mentally prepared himself for whatever was going on in the common areas that laid between him and his final destination, before he entering the common room. Luckily for him, the common areas were actually pretty empty for once, and Kaminari sighed a breath of relief. Everybody must have just gotten back and were probably in their rooms. Elevator or stairs? He quietly asked himself. Hm, less chance of running into anybody else in the stairwell. So with his book bag over his shoulder, he made a beeline through the common room to the stairwell door, opening it, and started his ascent to the third floor. He cast his gaze down at the steps as he climbed so as to avoid eye contact with any other soul he might encounter in that stairwell. He was lost deep in his ruminations, so it wasn’t a surprise that he didn’t register hearing footsteps from another person who was descending the stairs.

“Hey!” A waving hand appeared in his face suddenly, catching Kaminari off-guard. He accidentally took a step back in surprise, missing the stair beneath him, and falling on his ass on the stair landing. 

“Kamimari! Holy shit! are you okay?!” The sound of boots pounded down the steps then Kaminari felt warmth next to his shoulder where somebody was kneeling next to him. 

“Ughhh” Lucky for him, he had landed on his ass and hadn’t hit is head. 

“Holy shit Kaminari, I knew you looked out of it today, but Jesus, this is a lot, even for you.”

 Regaining a bit of his senses, Kaminari sharply snapped back “What the hell do you mean by that?! And what are you doing here in the stairwell leading to the men’s wing, Jiro?” Normally, he wasn’t the type to get super angry, but he had just fell on his ass in front of Jiro, one of his closest friends. His face flushed red, a stark contrast against his honey-colored hair.

“Whoa, chill Denki. This isn’t like you. Listen, I didn’t mean for you fall backwards, I just wanted get your attention, Megawatt. You’re not hurt, are you?”

“No, I’m fine” he said, getting up and brushing himself off. Well, so much for avoiding people. 

Jiro stood up from kneeling and took a step back from Kaminari. “Well, anyways, I was in the male’s wing ‘cause I was actually looking for you. You said earlier this week that you needed help with the guitar, right?” she asked earnestly.

“Well, yeah... but right now really isn’t a good time. I’ve had the shittiest day and I don’t think I can handle any more failure...” 

Jiro stopped and blinked, looking upset. “Denki... what happened today? Was it about third period? Really, you didn’t incite that incident, I was only kidding-” She asked earnestly. 

“It’s nothing!” He snapped, his face turning a darked\r shade of vermillion. Jiro looked surprised and hurt by his reaction, and Denki immediately felt bad.  He stiffened, and looked down, softening his tone. “I just...need some time to let off some steam. You know, get into a better headspace, recharge. I want to be left alone right now.”

“Oh, okay... well, if there’s anything I can do to help or you change your mind, you know where I live.” Then she reached out to gently touch his arm, startling him. He looked up, caught off guard by this. His felt his heartbeat quicken, and he prayed that she couldn’t hear it. Jiro added “Stop by. I mean it.” Denki mumbled a quick thanks to her, and not looking up, made his way up another flight of stairs to the third floor.

He flung open the door to the hallway in the men’s wing. He trudged down the hallway, finally arriving at his dorm. His hand went to his pocket to get his key only to hit fabric. SHIT he thought. I must’ve dropped it in the stairwell when I fell. He swiftly spun around to retrace his steps only to turn and bump right into Jiro, knocking both her and himself to the ground. 

“Watch it, Sparky! I mean, Shit... sorry.” Jiro quickly scrambled to her feet, red faced and stammered “Look, I didn’t mean to- listen, so you, uh, dropped your keys and- I uh- just- here” She tossed Denki’s keys onto his lap and quickly ran down the hallways towards the door to the female wing. 

Denki sat there, blinking, just trying to comprehend what had just happened. Shit, that had really just happened. Jiro looked really embarrassed. All she was trying to do was help him out. Denki felt awful for not only having snapped at her in the stairwell but then having knocked her to the floor. His thoughts shifted from anger from the day’s events to determination to fix things with Jiro. Rising to his feet, he unlocked his door, and quickly changed into some more casual clothes. He grabbed the guitar that was propped against the wall and slung it over his shoulder, taking note to also bring the sheet music for the song he was learning. With that, Kaminari headed out of his room and toward the female wing. When he got to Jiro’s room, he hesitated a brief moment before knocking. Does she even want to see me after having been so rude? Only one way to find out. 

Kaminari knocked on the door and waited. “Yeah? Who is it?” An icy, familiar voice from rang out from behind the closed door. “Um, uh, it’s me, you know, Denki Kaminari, your friend.” He heard footsteps, then the door unlatch.

Jiro opened her door enough to stand in the doorframe. “Yeah?” 

“Hey Kyoka, I am here to for some practice. I wanna be ready to impress everybody for the school festival!” He flashed a bright smile at her, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Alright Sparky. C’mon in”. 

Denki walked in, looking around at her décor. Band posters plastered the walls and tons of different music equipment peeking out from every available nook and cranny. “You know Kyoka, I still can’t get over how cool your room is. It really looks like a music store or somethin’” 

Jiro scoffed “Well, it’s just some stuff to help set the vibe. Gotta keep it rockin’” Jiro sat on the edge of her bed, and gestured for kaminari to come over. He plopped himself down on the floor in front of Jiro and took off his jacket. “Alright Mr. Jammingway, let’s start off with some warm-ups” 

“Awww, Kyoka, do I  have to? I wanna get jamming!” 

“Dude, you wrists and fingers are gonna get so sore if you don’t warm up. Besides, even the legends like Jimmie Hendrix and Eric Clapton would warm up before playing. You’re not any better than them, so shut up and get started” 

“Aww okay. I wouldn’t want tendinitis or anything.” 

“Let’s start off with getting you tuned. Your guitar I mean.” Jiro got up and went over to her electric keyboard, and started off with a low E. Kaminari tuned his guitar string to match, and followed suit with the remaining strings. After getting his guitar tuned, he cracked his knuckles and stretched out his digits and rolled his wrists around to loosen them up. He then started on some warm up exercises, practicing picking and strumming. 

Jiro smirked as she sat back down on her bed. “Wow Sparky, you actually listened to me. You have been warming up before you practice” 

Denki stopped and looked up at her, grinning. “’Course, why wouldn’t a listen to a talented rocker such as yourself? I’m not completely obtuse.” 

“You are though most of the time. I swear, there’s lots of cobwebs in the brain of yours” Jiro said followed by a laugh. 

Kaminari frowned. “I’m really not that dumb. I swear. I’m just not so much a math-science-logic sort of guy. I’m more of a Whitman sort of guy”. 

Jiro looked at him, puzzled. “A what?” 

“You know, Walt Whitman, the poet? Here, lemme look up a poem real quick-” Kaminari reached over to his jacket and took his smartphone out of the pocket. He tapped quickly and scooted closer to Jiro and began reading aloud:

When I heard the learn’d astronomer,

When the proofs, the figures, we ranged in columns before me,

When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,

When I was sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,

Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,

In the mystical moist air, and from time to time,

Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars

They sat in silence for a moment before Denki spoke. “That’s probably my favorite poem by him. I really just, I don’t know, I feel like it was almost written about me in a way. But I guess that’s the great thing about poetry-it reminds you that you aren’t alone in your human experience”. 

Jiro was quiet. She hadn’t expected such a deep philosophical sentiment from the same guy who regularly and non-ironically used the word ‘yeet’. 

“Um-“ Jiro started, but Denki interrupted her “Heh, sorry. Let’s get back to practicing. I am having problem with the barre chords. I just can’t seem to get my fingers to do that.” 

Jiro snapped back to reality “Oh, yeah, barre chords are hard. If the song only had barre chords, you could use a capo, but since it has other non-barre chords, unfortunately ya gotta learn them the hard way. So,” She reached over to the wall and unhooked the electric guitar, bringing it down to her lap. “what you’re gonna do is take your pointer finger like this” She put it across all six strings “and then roll it to the side so the bony part is up against the strings. You’ll get a cleaner sound and it won’t hurt as much.” 

She turned to look at Kaminari, who was staring at her, his eyes glistening under the fluorescent light. “Um, so, uh, why don’t you give it a try Denki?” She watched as Denki tried to copy her hand position but it was clear he was struggling. 

“Nah, more like this” she showed him again on her guitar, and watched as he hopelessly tried to copy her hand position. She scooted off the bed and knelt in front of him. She took his hand and moved each of his fingers to the correct placement. She looked up from the neck of his guitar, close enough where he could feel her exhales on his face. His heart thumped loudly in his chest and he prayed she could not hear him. Jiro continued, “…See, like this. Try strumming now.” Blushing, Kaminari strummed downward, and a clean sounding chord rang out.” 

Jiro sat back and smiled. “See? You got it! Try it again, upward stroke this time.” Denki repeated, and let the chord ring out fully. He grinned at Jiro. 

“Thanks Kyoka! You’re a really good teacher.” “Jiro began an attempted at denying it, but Denki cut her off “Jiro, accept a compliment! You’re good at teaching and you’re even better at playing. You really are talented.” 

Jiro stayed quiet for a few moments, then stood up. “Well,” she exhaled. “You seem to be progressing really well. I think that if you keep up with the practicing, you should be ready for the school festival by the time it rolls around. I say let’s call it quits for the evening. She looked out the window over her balcony. Attempting to change the subject to distract herself from blushing, she said “Looks like it stopped raining.” 

Denki put down the guitar and stood up. “Yeah. Hey Kyoka?” She looked at him, and he continued “Wanna go for a walk in the courtyard? I know it’s probably a bit wet out still from the rain, but it’s always really refreshing to be outside after a rainstorm.”

Jiro thought about saying no, until an idea struck her. “Yeah, sure thing. Lemme grab my jacket and shoes real quick.” She grabbed her jacket and slid on her boots, then they both headed for the door. They both reached for the door handle at the same time, accidently touching hands for a split second before yanking their hands back. 

“Oh! Um, sorry” Denki stammered, turning slightly red as he tensed up.

 “It’s all good; don’t worry ‘bout it, Sparky.” She smiled reassuringly at him, and his shoulder relaxed. They walked next to each other, heading towards the stairwell. Descending the stairs then walking through the common area, they headed towards the exit. 

Unlike earlier, there were students from 1-A now sitting on the couches surrounding the TV, watching some sort of rom-com. Ochaco, Tsuyu, Tokoyami, Mina, Midoriya, Iida, Todoroki, and Momo were spread out over the couches. Uraraka turned around when she heard their footsteps and called out to them. 

“Hey Kyoka! Hi Denki!” She grabbed the TV remote and hit pause. “You guys want to watch “A Cinderella Story” with us?” 

Mina chimed in “Tokoyami, Iida, and Todoroki haven’t seen it before, which an absolute crime. Can you believe it?! it’s an absolutely iconic movie that defined a generation”. 

Todoroki’s eyes widened “Its a crime?!” 

Momo laughed. “No Todoroki, figure of speech. And well mina, maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement, but seriously, Jiro, Kaminari, it’s a good movie. We started it only a few minutes ago, so you haven’t missed much. Bakugo, Sero, and Kirishima are in the kitchen working on dinner for everybody.”

Iida added “We extended the invitation to the other students to join us for this screening, but most of them either went home for the weekend or are studying.”

Tsuyu added “We stopped by Jiro’s room to ask you to join us, but it sounded like you guys were practicing for the festival, so we decided not to interrupt, ribbet.”

Denki responded “That was real cool of you guys. Jiro and me are gonna go for a quick walk, but we’ll join you afterwards. Its one of my favorite movies”. 

Mina laughed from the couch. “That’s a surprise, Kaminari. I wouldn’t peg you as the rom-com type”. 

Denki shook his head and grinned “A movie with hot girls, humor, and happy endings? What’s not to love? Anyways, we’ll be back.” 

Uraraka waved and said “Alright, have fun! We’ll see you guys soon!” Denki waved back then he and Jiro headed outside.

When they got outside, they walked for a few minutes, saying nothing. The air was still, and the streetlights softly illuminated the sidewalk, slick with water. Jirou and Kaminari walked closely side by side, unconsciously syncing their strides, only a few inches between their hands that swung loosely at their sides. Kaminari finally broke the silence. “Isn’t it nice out? I don’t like thunderstorms much, but I love the air afterwards. It has a weird feel to it, you know? Its… I don’t know how to describe it. I guess it almost feels like it’s a liminal space of sorts, like between good and bad weather.” 

Jiro looked at him confused. “You don’t like thunderstorms? You literally have an electric quirk. I would’ve thought that you would love them.” 

Denki laughed, and put his hand on the back of his neck. “Aha, yeah, not so much. Water and I don’t exactly mix…” 

“Ah, that makes sense. Well, every time there’s a thunderstorm, it reminds me of you ” Jiro replied. Kaminari felt a hot blush spread across his face and he was grateful for the dim lighting to disguise his embarrassment. Jiro looked away from him quickly as to also disguise the blush that was creeping across her face. Silence once again befell them and the continued walking.

Is now the time to bring this up, Jiro thought to herself. Well, she thought, might as well give it a try. Jiro broke the silence to say “Hey, so I, uh, well, so I came across this song the other day and I think you might like. You like indie rock and that kind of music, right, Jammingway?” 

Kaminari was surprised. “How did you kn-” 

Jiro laughed. “Dude, your Spotify playlists are public. I’m always looking for new songs so I sometimes randomly listen to other people’s playlists. Plus, you give off that sort of vibes. Anyways, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Denki smiled sheepishly as she continued “so I came across this song that I think you would like. You got your phone on you?” 

“Of course. What kind of teen would I be if I didn’t?” He laughed as he pulled his smartphone out of his jacket pocket, unlocked it, then handed it over to Jiro. She walked over to a nearby bench, brushed off the water, and tapped the bench, inviting Kaminari to come sit next to her. She pulled a pair of earbuds from her pocket, plugged them into his phone’s headphone jack, and then handed Kaminari one earbud. She put the other one in her own ear, then hit play. She closed her eyes, and Kaminari followed suit, listening to the beginning of the song.

“Candy… She’s sweet like candy in my veins…”

He was very aware of how close they were sitting together, how her arm was resting against his, her warm breath on his skin, his knee touching hers.

“Baby, I’m dying for another taste. And every night my mind is running round her, Thunder’s getting louder and louder”

He blushed hearing the lyrics, wondering if she thought this way about him or if it was just the style of music that reminded her of him. If it was the first of the two, would that mean…?

“Baby, you’re like lightning in a bottle! I I can't let you go now that I got it! And all I need is to be struck by your electric love”

The chorus hit, and he got it: it was because it was about electricity. I mean, he thought, that’s kinda a shallow connection to me, but a connection nevertheless. At least she thought about me… 

The song ended, and Jiro turned to look at him expectedly. “So… what do you think? You like it?” 

“Yeah, “he laughed. “That is a great example of the kind of music I like. Guess I have a pretty predictable music taste.” He ran his hand through his hair. 

Jiro frowned “Nah, I just know you, dude. What did you think of the lyrics?” She hoped that he had picked up on the general message so she wouldn’t have to explain it… 

“Yeah, I see why you thought of me. ‘Cause of the thunderstorm metaphor used. I have an electricity quirk. You said earlier thunderstorms remind you of me. It’s a superficial level metaphoric comparison.” He saw her face change under the dim streetlight, and he quickly clarified “Superficial in the sense of like not like ‘uh you’re soooo superficial’ but more like it just being a surface level observation, like not skin deep, you know? Sorry. I do like the song though, and” he took a deep breath and touched her arm gently. “I’m glad that you think of me. You’re a good friend, Kyoka”. 

Jiro’s heart sank. Dammit, she thought to herself, I really am gonna have to explain it. “So, um, I guess like I saw the lyrics as a sort of way to describe how I feel about you. Like how earlier you read that poem to me and said you said you thought it described you. I feel like this song really captures how I feel about… well, how I feel about you.”

Denki took a moment to process what she had just said. Please oh please oh please I hope he picks up on what I’m trying to say she prayed. 

Kaminari’s face broke out into a grin. “So, I think I catch your drift.” He paused, then said “Are you familiar with the work of Percy Bysshe Shelley?” 

Jiro shook her head “I don’t see how this connects Den-“

“Shh, lemme continue, Earbuds. Percy B Shelley, English poet, husband of Mary Shelley who authored ‘Frankenstein’, real cool guy. Anyways, he wrote a play called ‘Prometheus Unbound’ which was like his response to the story ‘Prometheus Bound’ which is like an ancient Greek play… sorry, tangent.  Yeah, so there was this one line I read that I wrote down in my notes…somewhere…” He bit his bottom lip as he scrolled through all of his notes on his phone. “Ah, here it is. It reminded me of how you make me feel” He read out loud:

As in the soft and sweet eclipse,

When soul meets soul on lovers' lips,

High hearts are calm, and brightest eyes are dull;

So when thy shadow falls on me,

Then am I mute and still, by thee

He leaned forward and softly placed his lips against hers for a few seconds. Then, they broke away, saying nothing. Kaminari leaned back and looked up at the sky, smiling to himself. I finally did it, he thought. 

Jiro’s thoughts were racing 100 kilos an hour. THAT JUST HAPPENED OMG what do I do now ahhhhhh. Okay, get it together, Kyoka. She reached out and took his hand. She gave it a light squeeze, and joined Kaminari in looking up at the sky. A few softly glowing specks of light glimmered amongst the dark clouds that filled the void. Jiro leaned her head on Kaminari’s shoulder, and he leaned his towards her in response. Their gazes directed towards the sky, thoughts intertwined, sharing warmth from each other’s touch, they stayed in this seemingly infinite, gentle moment. 

A few tiny drops of water descended from the sky, bringing them both crashing back to earth from the sky. Kaminari turned his head and kissed the top of Jiro’s head. “I think it’s time to head back, Kyoka.” he whispered, making no attempt to get up. 

Jiro rotated her body to face Kaminari, delicately placed her hand on his cheek and pulled him close, meeting her lips with his. “Okay” she softly responded. 

Both of them reluctantly broke apart and stood up, and began leisurely strolling towards the UA dorm building. Suddenly, lightning bolts instantly zagged across the sky above, followed by a deafening boom that echoed through the air. The clouds above broke open, and hard droplets raced to the earth below, aggressively soaking the world in a layer of water. Kaminari grabbed Jiro’s hand and pulled her forward as he ran towards the entrance of the dorm building. He fumbled for his ID, only then realizing he must have dropped it somewhere. 

“Jiro… I can’t find my ID. Do you have yours?” Jiro’s hand instantly went to her pocket and pulled out her ID. She quickly pressed it against the scanner on the wall, the door buzzed, and they were able to quickly enter into the dry, brightly-lit common room. They were dripping wet, but grateful to be out of the storm.

Everyone was still watching the movie in the common room. Tsuyu was the first to notice their return; she picked up the remote that was laid on the coffee table to pause the movie. “Looks like you guys got rained on, ribbet.” 

Jiro didn’t know how to respond, so she was relieved when Kaminari answered for them. “Yeah!” He smirked. “It really just started downpouring out of nowhere, no warning or anything! Guess good ol’ Zeus decided one rainshower today wasn’t enough” He caused a few of the other students to chuckle. 

“Oh, Kaminari” Iida tossed a lanyard at Kaminari. “You dropped your keys and ID here in the lobby. Try to be more responsible next time.” 

“Thanks Iida” Kaminari mumbled, turning a shade of crimson. 

“Well…” Jiro began “I am going to go change into some dry clothes. Be right back.” 

“Oh, Jiro!” Uraraka called out. “Dinner should be done by the time you are back! So don’t forget to bring your appetite! Also, this is a pajama party so wear your pjs!” Jiro smiled and left for her room. 

Kaminari watched her as she left the room, smiling to himself. He heard somebody clear their throat, and he snapped back to reality. “Well, I will probs go change too. Don’t want to catch a cold or anything. That would be pretty tragic. Also, I’ll bring some M&Ms for everybody. Be right back!”. Kaminari smirked as he left the common room and climbed the stairs to the third floor. He couldn’t have asked for that to have gone any better, except minus getting rained on. But Kyoka… she really kissed him, huh. He wanted to talk to her about what had happened outside, but he didn’t want to complicate anything yet. 

Kaminari got to his dorm room and unlocked it, quickly changing into some comfy pj bottoms and a t-shirt, then he grabbed the bag of M&Ms, the lanyard with his ID and keys, and walked towards the female wing. He got to Jiro’s door and knocked, and waited for a response. 

“Yeah?” Her voice rang out from behind the door. 

“It’s me”.

 A minute later, the door opened, and Jiro stood once again in the doorframe, this time, wearing a pair of pajama bottoms with a tank top. “Hey Megawatt, you ready to head back down?” She spied the bag of M&Ms in Kaminari’s hands. “Bruh. M&Ms are actually my favorite candy in the world.” 

Kaminari smiled. “I know. That’s what I was thinking when I got them. You gotta share them with everybody else though too”. 

Jiro pouted “Aww, alright Sparky, I will. I’m not gonna be happy about it but I guess sharing is caring. Let’s go.” 

They walked together towards the stairwell door, and before going through, Jiro stopped suddenly. 

“So, before we go join the rest of the gang, Sparky, um, can we quickly maybe talk about what happened out there? You know, before it started raining...” 

Kaminari responded “I would love to, but I really really want to watch the movie with you and the others, so maybe let’s put a pin in that for now. Don’t worry” he paused, and gently placed a kiss on her check, causing her to cheeks to flush pink. “We’ll talk about it. Tomorrow maybe?” 

Jiro smirked, threw her arms around his neck, and smashed her lips against his before saying. “Alright, whatever you say, Mr. Short-Circuit. Let’s grab some tea or something when we do. You know, make it a date.” 

Kaminari’s brain whirled, but he managed to respond “Yeah. Tomorrow at 1?” 

“Yeah, sounds good. Stop by beforehand though so you can practice guitar more. Ya gotta be able to shred for the festival.” 

“Course.” Kaminari said. “I gotta keep up so I don’t look idiotic next to a hardcore rocker such as yourself”. 

Jiro smirked, opening the door to the stairwell and bounded down the stairs to the floor with the common areas. Kaminari smiled, following her into the common area to join the other students.

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn���t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

[noxrynne]

i dont really have the highest hopes for making the goal i had for school odds are i fail a class, do poorly in another or two, and maybe get by decently in one of them i really regret doing online courses since it always goes back to “oh i missed that because it wasn’t posted,” “oh the professors don’t use the news alert system when new stuff is added with a concise explanation of what I need to do in that post blurb that’s 3500 words of bs,” “oh i didnt realize this awkward and uncomfortable ‘post your personal assignments here that are about yourself so a bunch of strangers can also read and criticize it’ was required,” “the syllabus is written out of order, it’s messy and has a bunch of color code usage that’s never explained and makes reading it harder and, oh, they want me to print it out too bad i dont have a fucking printer and looking at it makes me want to throw up since it’s literally just everything put up on a page and i just start panicking because its so much stuff and it immediately overwhelms me” i also fuckin hate the professors who’ll say like “if you’re here just to get a degree you’re in the wrong place” b/c it’s like college costs a lot of fuckin money and you can bet your ass the only reason im here is to get a degree so i can eventually have a job that lets me be financially stable. trying to say “oh it’s just for funtime education” is bullshit when it costs what it does and isn’t even accessible to everyone from the get-go. i could learn the exact same shit for free from a fucking library and the internet, and talk to people i know if i have questions about material. but that doesn’t give me the piece of paper i need. idk i wish there was more of a “oh i can go do this and be fine financially” rather than needing to spend years in a university because i really hate it. i *wish* i hadn’t fucked up before and been as suicidal and couldve got through it *before* its used as a “yea we can’t have you here cuz you dropped out in the past” *even when* it’s an associated school with the one i *did* drop out of and they told me they *would* re-accept me when i was healthier. no im not a great student. i get overwhelmed really easily, i stress out over everything too much, i break down if i miss one assignment. i dont do well on the shit i actually try really hard at. i dont participate in class because it’s a terrifying experience to be called a fucking “idiot” again by a professor (ty philosopher dickhead at uwgb im gonna fucking punch you if i ever see you) i *forget* about assignments a *lot* and *yes* that’s a *my* problem thing but it’s something so extremely difficult to work around without having someone telling me about it, or just having a visible schedule written down about what’s due on a front page that always pops up. which i mean yeah it’s extra work i guess for the professor to just copy paste some info that’d really help me out, and no i dont have this issue as much in a traditional school b/c i actually *go* to the classes to sit in and be reminded through that. and yea im probly gonna fail out unless the other university sighs and says “well she did try and it was online” and ngl i probably would be *fine* in a regular classroom oriented thing *now* it’s more organized and there’s a schedule i can keep to and get into and when i get *into* a schedule i stick to it 100% b/c i derive a sense of security, existence and safety from having schedules. but if i fail out and they dont sigh and say “okay” then im kinda fucked. i mean, i could probably attempt to get through another year there and maybe go to the actual school instead of the online bullshit and *maybe* then i’d actually meet the reqs. but idk if that offer is gonna stand after this year. and idk im just back to feeling really fucking hopeless and empty. i mean ive been feeling this way all this month. i feel like nothings fucking worth it because i feel like i just cant do it. and that ultimately im gonna end up fucked. and i *know* im 90% of the problem. i *know* my thinking of “what’s the point” is screwing me over. i *know* accidentally falling asleep an staying asleep for a whole day is a fucking issue. i *know* i shouldnt forget important shit i need to do. i *know* i should participate no matter how fucking uncomfortable and frightened it makes me. but it feels fucking *impossible* to work with 0 energy. it feels terrifying to be asked “write an introspective piece about yourself and reflect on the events of your life that made you who you are today” BECAUSE i dont talk about THAT STUFF to people I DONT KNOW i *BARELY* covered those topics in *therapy* because of how uncomfortable they make me. and I DONT need a bunch of strangers in a class knowing the shit that happened to me. and fuck i feel like the entire idea behind the writing assignment was “oh this’ll be fun haha” but it’s like... remembering *most of the shit hat directly impacted how i am today* is one of the most fucking difficult things for me to do, especially publicly. i *regret* online schooling. i didnt realize how much i dont work with it until i thought about it this year. i get overwhelmed. i get stressed. i get depressed. i get suicidal. i get hopeless. i feel useless. i didnt realize i *need* to actually *go* to a class because it helps with the isolation i put myself in. because i straight up actually understand shit when someone is actually explaining it to me and not just handing me a textbook and saying “read it that’s it that’s the entire class, but oh, write an informed paper structured off what you read and if you dont understand the material well go fuck yourself i guess.” and in actually *going* there to a physical room it becomes easier to do things like homework and assignments *because i can walk over to the library*. what *really* shit on my previous school ability was like i was overwhelmed (we *just* moved to a *completely* different state and environment, i *just* had a series of panic attacks in italy b/c i thought i could handle it on my own) and the first school didn’t have a/c and it was fucking 101 outside every day and i dont do well in heat, and by that, i mean i hyperventilate, i get dizzy, i get lightheaded, i get emotional and frightened and stressed and cant sleep. the professor who asked if we read the chapter (I DID) and then pointed at me to explain what i read (I DIDNT FUCKING UNDERSTAND IT), and when i finished he just laughed and told me to sit down and pretty much called me an idiot in front of everyone and i started crying. (i also got a 0 so i failed the reading since he didnt believe i read it). at *that* school there were no therapy or counseling or offers like that. the art building made me cry and feel unsafe (i couldnt control it), having to walk *all* the way back to my dorm building at 12AM b/c that’s when my one class ended was *terrifying* then in a different school it was just i had a class that made me physically uncomfortable to be in. i *hated* being in the freshman course for feminism so much. not b/c i hate the material, but i felt so “other” and uncomfortable b/c im a trans woman being asked about my male perspective on shit and i just. i remember leaving because i just felt upset and depressed and i couldn’t get over the really bad dysphoria i kept having in that class (the professor there was the reason i went to counseling on campus, she’s the one who referred me to it in the first place). on top of that, the dorm i was told id be getting was a fucking lie. i was supposed to have one or 0 roommates. i got 5 roommates. beds didn’t fit me b/c of my height (i slept with the back of my feet on an iron bar). the food was straight fucking garbage. one of my roommates just randomly touched me all the time. hugged me, put arms around my neck, *kissed my cheek*. another was always drunk and loud. another talked about making bombs incessantly. one of them seemed actually concerned about me and he came in once or twice when i was face down on my bed just not moving b/c of therapy sessions and talked to me once or twice to make sure i was still alive. friday mornings in winter id be up at 5AM, trying to get ready without waking any of the 5 other people, then walk outside with no access to breakfast/coffee/anything (b/c too early) to get to a class across and off the campus i had to walk to (and when snow was present my feet were numb b/c of all the water that got into my shoes). and then there was the legit getting 4 hours of sleep if that a week. eating basically nothing. extremely suicidal and getting to the point where i was having days where i legitimately could not discern what was real and wasn’t. and then i left ‘cuz my other option was to be hospitalized. from there its just been attempts at online schools. which i already tiraded about above. i mean fuck id be happy if i *could* just go work in retail and make a decent wage and not have to work every waking hour of my life to make it work. like. i *wish* i was lucky enough to be one of those “i had no degree but x really liked my resume” stories i always read about. i *wish* writing and publishing a book was considered and *was* a viable career option without needing to get really fucking lucky. im passionate about writing fiction, but in order to do that professionally, i need a 4 year degree from an institution. i can technically publish something, but if no one ever hears about it or cares, then it doesn’t become a job to have and it does little else. and then there’s also just a lot of irl shit i keep worrying about and dwelling on and nearly making some really fucked up or stupid decisions in the interim. and idk i just i wish i was one of those ppl who felt like they had a future and aren’t likely to die before age 25. or one of those people who just *does* something and it works out and they get to exist.