#but if i keep working on it ill probably work on it forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elliebell77 · 6 months

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you caught him with his glasses off

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egoarc4de · 1 year

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if it stops i'm having an unshakable nightmare

#my art #tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 scout #tf2 engineer #tf2 sniper #tw blood #tw gore #tw gun #it's tf2 you get the picture!#HELLOOOOO #been working on these all week #based on something i started writing in the early summer but that will neverrrr be finished i dont think. ugh.#posted this to the wrong account too LOL #havent drawn in forever but it feels awesome #my favourite part of all of these is probably that little three decker in the left corner of the second one #this is what happens to you when youre coping w uni and listening to underscores parquet courts and CCR nonstop #link is the playlist of songs i listened to nonstop while drawing these hoohooheehee #peep the backgrounds too!!#trying to be less stiff with digital art is so hard but ill keep working on it o7 #also never drawn tf2 before give me time my friends!#is it obvious i didnt even bother to look at what a baseball bat looked like in the first one orz

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dayurno · 10 months

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cuties i love talking about kevin day with you and this blog is mostly run on asks and kekeing with you all but i must ask that you don't send me any more asks doomguessing about tsc. i understand and sometimes i even agree but it's just not something i'm interested in talking about! the world is so beautiful and large and kevin day has the prettiest wettest biggest eyes in the world. send me asks about him instead ok

#im not anon scolding its just that (motions vaguely)#ive done my due talking about all the things that are bad in aftg #the racism specifically gets to me the most and i dont want to talk about it anymore #if you scroll down my blog you will find my criticism of how thea and nicky and riko were handled #you will find it all #and im not interested in rehashing it anymore #i dont know if nora sakavic has changed or not in the past ten years #and im not particularly interested in guessing either #i enjoy the original aftg work and its what ill keep blogging about unless #kevin day is so prevalent in tsc its inevitable for me to read it #if that is not the case then i probably wont bother with it #and if youre afraid itll be a bad book you shouldnt either #lets talk about kevin instead. Forever #i promise outside of my little kevin day microblog i already have plenty to worry about re: the horrors #i am a real life communist if you can believe it #so i understand. and i know. but we must be happy #its the only way to exist #txt

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quietwingsinthesky · 1 year

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thinking about angel banishing sigil tattoos on Sam & Dean, but in order to make them effective, they have to be tattooed with their own blood. Which apparently leads to the body reabsorbing the tattoo after a few weeks, so they’d have to do it constantly to stay safe. Sam & Dean committing to this ritual every few weeks… tattooing themselves in their own blood or maybe even each other’s…

#i do not think that is strictly healthy but this is Sam & Dean I don’t think they care #they just go ‘oh we can force our blood under each other’s skin to protect each other and leave a mark that anyone will be able to see?’#and then don’t think twice they just do it #oh 🥺 Dean being ready to do it from the get-go. if it’ll protect Sam. if it’s a bit of him for Sam to carry everywhere…#he’s got the blood drawn and the tattoo needle ready before Sam even says anything #but sam has to be convinced. what if his blood hurts Dean. what if he’s too corrupted to protect Dean like that.#but Dean coaxes him into doing it anyway. he’ll take the risk.#and then by the end they’ve both got matching blood tattoos along with their matching anti-possession ones #and they work too. Nick a finger and put the bleeding tip on the center of the tattoo and boom! banishing.#but they have to keep reapplying them as they’re reabsorbed…#which is probably a part they both like honestly. little bit of them is going to sink into the others bloodstream forever.#they are such freaks <3 #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #should I tag this wincest? I mean I wasn’t thinking about it I just think they’re Weird about each other #and like. what’s a little blood tattoo compared to being platonic life partners in your supernatural war bunker where you’re raising #a devil son right?#but I guess you could also look at this as a romantic thing or something.#eh. for the sake of people’s filters ill tag it:#wincest #I can see it. it could definitely be that.#look away dev

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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I'm so fucking tired of ppl assuming I'm a teenage boy I'm not that young and I'm not a guy and it's funny when it happens occasionally and I'm in an amiable mood and idm being a little gnc ik I present somewhat masc even if its not rly intentional and ik my autistic/adhd mannerisms make me come across a little childish sometimes even if im constantly masking at work or in public and I can't control how other ppl perceive me and ik its natural for the human brain to make social assumptions all the time bc there's so much information going in and out it has to process so it automatically categorises shit so I don't mind it happening OCCASIONALLY but I've been getting so fucking many unnecessary comments lately and not just from strangers but ppl I know too and if one more person says some offhand shit to me I'm going to black out and bite until there's blood leave me the fuck ALONE

#got home and im so so so angry its not even that big a deal i dont even get annoyed when it happens every now and then #but these last few weeks ive had a fucking deluge of weird comments abt my age and my gender i dont fucking know why its happening more #and ive had enough im abt to snap. its been on the back of my mind as a vague irritation but it just keeps fucking building #so much stupid shit i cant even list it all here and its not just ppl mistaking me but sometimes going out of their way to be rude #and the fucking misogynistic shit ppl keep saying to me too especially at work please fuck off forever and die #i dont wanna get into it bc ill just get more pissed off im just gonna go cry in the shower and then ill be fine after #probably just feeling it more today bc i didnt take my afternoon meds anyway. altho this isnt the only time its upset me so.#ugh whatever..... its out of my control. and im not gonna go out of my way to try and conform more easily to other ppls ideas of me #bc im comfortable in myself and my body and with how i present so im not going to change that. just tired of dealing with assholes #and im tired of constant misunderstandings its much more than this superficial assumptions abt appearances like ppl who know me keep #making wrong assumptions or miscommunicating or just general poor judgement and that bothers me way more but its much harder to express #so im just getting more angry at the superficial shit as a proxy for it. ugh!!!!#well anyway. hopefully theres enough hot water left for me i want a scalding shower #grinds my teeth so loudly #.diaries #.vent

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chilope · 5 months

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my boss was sent from hell to kill me

#my supervisor stopped being my supervisor because he has like 12 jobs and they were all ballooning #so he had to start dropping some of them #but they are still ballooning wildly so i think more and more of his work is getting off-loaded onto me #which on the one hand means i have really good job security! and ill probably get a raise at some point!#but also means i keep getting handed half-finished projects that have super tight deadlines #so i have to untangle them and then finish them #on top of my normal stuff #and boy howdy am i worried that im going to screw something up and then everyone will know im a fraud and ill go to jail forever #im sure that posting on tumblr instead of working will make this easier and not harder!

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

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evil-lan-zhan · 10 months

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I spent two hours making hualian as Sims, I think they could still look better 😭😭😭

#I'll just keep tweaking them until im happy #which will forever #I'll never stop working on them 😭#hua cheng alone took so much time #urghhh #i am once again talking about tgcf #tgcf #i put them in a little cottage tho #they have chickens 🥹#maybe ill post pictures of them #probably not

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bobzora · 2 years

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the amount of work it takes to have fonts in rpg maker mv/z that aren't blurred to shit is way too much work.

#bobtalk #esp if u dont want to just use that one 'sharper fonts plugin' that works but isn't super accurate for actual pixel fonts.#took forever for me to get font texture plugin working with a made-by-me pixel font. it works. it just looks terrible bc i cant make fonts #plus like.all the per-letter specifications on the json. terrible. terrible.#this is SO STUPID im actually a little frustrated. i spent all day on this. -_-#whatever. ill probably just keep using that sharper fonts plugin with some dumb pre existing font. its not what i want..........#but i cant do whatever it is called when u design fonts. i just cant. lol.it looks bad.

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aroaceleovaldez · 2 years

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No pressure to respond at all but I swear ON MY LIFE you had one of the best Nico ask blogs like ever and I’ve been looking for it for like 30 minutes and cannot find it anywhere. What was it called again/ did you deactivate it?

@deadangelos ! It's still active! I’ve been working on a lot of stuff for it recently since I ended up on an accidental hiatus from it. I have a lot planned for it and still fully intend on following through with those plans, especially given since my break my art has improved a TON and I feel a lot more confident in my ability to tell the story i want to there :D (Also Deadangelos is my favorite thing i’ve ever made and my darling dearest blog, I could never part with it.)

And thank you!! It’s always so nice to hear that other people love Deadangelos as much as I do

#ask #anonymous #deadangelos #dont tell my other blogs that deadangelos is my favorite #ive run that blog for six years though there's no way im giving up on it now #also im pretty sure there's only like. less than 5 active pjo askblogs anymore? i know someone had an OC one and there's me #but i havent see any of the others i have on my lists around in forever. not even the non-art ones #and yes i keep track of all the other pjo askblogs because we are few <3 #the askblog community on tumblr has dwindled significantly #seriously though im so excited for the stuff ive been working on for deadangelos #im doing a lot of fleshing out background stuff right now to make my life easier but once im done with that? HOO BOY #i mean ill probably pick things back up before i finish that but just YALL WAIT AND SEE ITS GONNA BE SO COOL

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viledevilcunt · 16 days

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anon if that was meant to be scathing or a slam dunk insult i've heard worse from my parents and psychiatrists

#i don't believe a word you said about any of your “issues.” you're attention seeking at best it seems like #or maybe it's a cry for help because you don't have a therapist or confession blog to talk about this and want to get it off your chest?#whichever way it is if you want it public you can do that yourself instead of relying on someone who has zero interest in doing so #also...i have no idea what you meant by “get enough cure for whatever probably fake illness you have.”#i feel like you might be confused on how medication and forever-sickness works in general #people also keep insisting things about older teenagers at me which is weird. you aren't sly or clever and maybe stop constantly #thinking about teenagers while also dismissing them as if they have zero useful thoughts in their heads?#they should be allowed to be included in discussions and learn how people will respond as well as how to navigate the internet in a way #that they find most comfortable or enjoyable for them. especially with how well. crazy the web is nowadays. actually insane.#i could go on but i feel like ive made myself clear. i can clear anything up though obviously just send an ask my way

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alphalesbian · 3 months

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Youll just be minding your own business when all of a sudden the inherant intimacy of solo instrumental music is realized upon you. Like youre just supposed to proceed normally after

#that being said the 'ill write an ep' to 'too much songs ill make it an album' pipeline extremely utterly too real. im in too deep #sexy and hilarious of me to be so committed to letting my first Big Serious Personal musical endeavour be such a Big Serious Personal thing #like my plan about it of course will probably keep changing but im like 99% sure of what i will do to a point #a lot of fully complete songs that i love!!!!! and a lot of unfinished projects n ideas recorded snippets things written down !!!!!!!#much to consider as always but the clarity ive been able to have with shaping it and working it has been. welcome #grateful to be attracting such spaces and people to be learning and relearning whats been in front of me lately #grateful to have the space and time i have to do what i do with it and myself #extremely grateful to be inspired in an otherwise negative at best time in my life above all else.#i needed that weird painful clarity to become inspired and know i want to actually do this i guess #as sure as ive ever been and now even just. reinforced not just by the space and the world around me but the people around me as well that:#make music how you want to and music you want to hear and make it at your own pace #i know i need to trust this process in full and honest faith i need to trust it like i have been to even get this far #and then some to make my thing and put it out and keep doing that musically really #of all the facets of my own and the time i have and resources to make things happen i know in my heart of hearts really that i could do it #forever and im a whole force when it comes to it all if i let myself go in it with no inhibition. shedding years and years of these negativ #ities purposefully and exclusively and thoroughly finally leaving some understanding in my soul i can even pridefully say is there #and with enough confidence in myself to know its something i will do forever and want to be a thing i put into the world always #and to do it how i want is.... exciting and the fruits of that labor excite me and i must say i cannot wait to be sharing this with everyon #cant wait to be sharing truly myself like i do with myself with every one i know could appreciate me like i want to be

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arolesbianism · 4 months

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We did it boys we got our first game crash in oni 🎉

#rat rambles #oni posting #it's not even that far past cycle 300 yet my laptop just sucks ass #Ive made it further with more colonies and dupes before without a crash so I was a bit surprised at first #but also this is my first time coring out my starting planet so thats probably why #Im going to try to stick with this save as long as I can handle it but Im definitely not going to be able to make more colonies #or at least not any like active and populated ones #my current plan is to use my current dinky rocket to help me make a shit load of databanks and then research straight to the radbold engine #I've never rly worked with radbolts outside of research stuff so I thought it'd be a good experience to have #plus I usually use petroleum and well quite frankly I dont think I can do that rn #well I mean. I Could. but Id rly rather not until I can get my rocketry program set up properly #mainly because I rly don't wanna rely on the teleporters for my renovations of my teleport planet as I want at least a digger and a #scientist going over there and prefferably an extra dupe or two as well #theyd be there in atmo suits to activate the material transporters and dig into the oil biome and set up pipes and shit for the oil wells #and then Im going to transport the oil back to my home planet using the transporters and refine them there #then I can Finally get a gas range going and hopefully set up some extra generators #Im not sure if I want to use either full time yet but depending on how many oil wells there are Ill consider it #once I get all that set up then Ill probably start working towards setting up more farms so I can upgrade my food quality some more #and then grab jorge 👍#after that idk if Im super interested in doing too much more #I might do the rest of the story traits for funsies but other than that Im not sure if I can manage this world for long enough to get to #the real late game shit considering it's already chugging like hell rn #Ill probably have to deconstruct a bunch of latters and shit pretty soon to try to manage the lag better #and also sweep everything outside up even if itll take forever #Im at a good point where everything is rly stable eccept for my power gen #my power gen is currently perfectly acceptable and it will keep being good for a good while but its definitely not a permanent set up #I just dont have enough hatches and pips for my coal production to keep up and my pip ranch us become increasingly more and more of a issue #mainly because of how cold my base is and how annoying its been keeping the trees alive #another future issue I have to worry abt is my water tank overflowing #but thats a much easier problem to fix I just need to build a bigger tank

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squirmydonnie · 6 months

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I feel like I tend to have pretty bad ideas

CW: unreality in tags

I don't know that I'm venting. But it's hard for it to not sound that way.

But I'll put warnings because I don't see how else I'd feel okay without putting them there.

It's just more fair that way

#cheeseburgerboy #recently doing things. to help me more #i am afraid of not having cookie and BC around. but its probably best for me. and ive been managing okay #i have spent the last few years with them and others. so it makes sense im not used to it. and that its also uncomfortable #plus also. i remember when i had first quit cookie 12 daydreaming. and how weird it felt #and nothing felt good. everything felt better in daydreaming.#its not the same as that now.#i miss them hurting me and hurting my feelings. the things they would do for me. and the conversation we'd have.if we had it #but im trying not to dwell on it.#its been a fear even before quitting cookie 12 daydreaming. that i would forget all the times we had together #all the memories. ans i don't see why I'd ever want to forget.#even the bad things were good. and before quitting id imagine myself daydreaming forever. and i was alone. but it wasn't bad.#sometimes i wonder if ive made a mistake. because i can never go back to the way it was. i can't see my friends or family again.#i will never see the goats. or ride the bus. i won't go to school. i won't have my mama. because these things aren't owed to me.#their owed to cookie. and i just want to leave him alone. and it doesn't want to talk with me at all if xe doesn't have to.#BC no longer has any interest in me. so why would i keep staying there?. why force them to beat me?. whats the point.#i feel i should at least try to have my own life. im just working towards living. i haven't felt my life was my own.#its going ****. not bad. so. ill keep trying. i think its a **** idea 🦑

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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musical-chick-13 · 6 months

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Idk, I just...really hate having a brain/body that won't work. The Condition™ is so bad that I literally cannot focus on ANYTHING, even things that mean a lot to me. I can't string sentences together, doing any kind of standing physical activity for longer than 15 minutes will wipe me out for the rest of the day, and I am SO. TIRED. Sleep doesn't help. Caffeine doesn't help. Meds don't help. All of my labs keep coming back in range, and I just don't understand what's happening. What do I need to do.

#like...I know that having The Disorder™ uses up a larger percentage of brain power and there's probably something to be said #about the Mental Stuff being so bad that my systems are in survival mode and diverting everything into keeping me sort-of-emotionally-stabl #but like. it is NOT supposed to be the case where EVERYTHING is this hard. I can't write. I can't exercise. I can't process new information #and I try! I sure try! but I used to be able to actually LEARN shit and now I'm lucky if ANYTHING translates.#SOMETIMES I can accomplish something but it takes FOREVER. MUCH longer than anyone would consider a reasonable amount of time.#and the thing is that I NEED to be able to learn and complete tasks to have a fulfilling life! even if I could guarantee that I would #never have to work again I would still need those things to be happy!#so it kind of just feels like it's impossible for me to be happy! which really sucks!!!#and I know I'm being fatalistic and I'm going to keep trying and I know that I have very good friends and a very good dad who don't care #that various parts of me don't work the way they're supposed to but I'm just!! so!!!! frustrated!!!!!!!!!!#In the Vents #mel's Illness™ chronicles

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