#but im doing exactly that. not to be a Bad Victim who wants my abuser to fucking suffer but i want her to s u f f e r.

[grimdarkenedhope]

what i wouldn't do to get a certain screenshot of the definition of DARVO into christina's perview.

[spopsalt]

I found all of these on Pinterest TODAY. And I’m only gonna be able to unpack SOME of them.

“Better than the rest of the female population”? Jfc, did whoever make that one hate women or something? Because Catra is the lowest bar for a person. Not even a bar, that chick is the fucking floor.

I don’t even understand what the Jesus one is trying to say. But I don’t think I want to. Im pretty sure whoever made that is susceptible to falling into a cult. Which is fair, since this fandom essentially is one.

“We wants S4 Catra.” First off, I feel like they’re specifically saying S4 bc thats the season most people agree she’s legal. Second, that’s literally Catra ar her worse. Look, I understand liking villains. Im a simp for villain characters. But something tells me the type of person who made that meme doesn’t understand liking a villain and acknowledging they’re a villain. They probably think S4 is the best because she’s ‘Mommy’ or whatever, and would probably defend everything she did in that season and pretend she wasn’t a villain, without realizing S4 Catra (Every Catra really) would literally let someone die for being an inconvenience, try to murder suicide someone to prove a point, send someone to a death prison for saying no, and would essentially rip out someone’s pacemaker for a laugh. Yes, the perfect partner. 😒

“Why can’t Catra be real?” Well… Catra specifically doesn’t. But people like her do. Most of them are war criminals, dictators, politicians, mass murderers, abusers, ableists, rapists, people in positions of power, in jail, the type of person to hit someone for talking back, single for a reason, you get the idea. So, in short whoever is out here simping for Catra hopefully realizes the difference between reality and fiction when having a crush. And if they don’t, they need help. I’m not even getting into the fact about half of these are her as a minor (if not all of them.)

Btw, I’m not saying anyone who relates to Catra is a bad person like what I listed. You can relate to her and not actually be like her. But I think most if the toxic stans who ‘want someone like Catra’ are in it for the wrong reasons. I. E. ‘Mommy-dom Cat-girl UWU Catra’ which is literally just an abuser who has probably murdered a lot of people.

Exactly thank you! There's a disturbing amount of Catra simps and as a pansexual I can confirm I never simped for Catra (Or any fictional character if I'm honest) I mean I guess I could see why someone would due to some people simping for villain characters (For example I know a LARGE amount of the Rick and Morty Fandom want to smash Rick, there's literally an account dedicated to it) but I still don't get it. Whatever.

Also they should be happy that Catra isn't real because Catra would be in prison. Also who wants to be the Catra to my Adora...you mean who wants to be the abuser to my victim? I'm so incredibly distributed by Catra fans

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

IS (KAMEN RIDER 01)

1.) You know it's bad when the main female character is both an android built to serve humans and a secretary for the CEO of the android company. That girl is going to spend her entire life justifying the actions of a 20-something year old male CEO as he makes questionable decisions. Like that one movie where the androids become sentient and go "hey, wait, we'd like to be paid a fair wage for our labour!" and she comes out to convince them that no. No they don't. You see, 20-something year old CEO says you should LIKE doing labour for free and whatever he says goes. So she's just going to. Help him convince her race to go back to doing unpaid labour. For bosses that have been shown throughout the show to be abusive. Sometimes even killing their androids. Because a guy wants her to do that. Anyway, SPOILERS; at the end of the show she sacrifices herself for the Good Of Everyone. What does the CEO do? He replaces her with a new one. Just. Makes another android exactly like her. It's meant to be this emotional scene where he tells her about the previous Is but. That's not her. He just. He replaced her. This woman literally just got replaced.

AMBER VOLAKIS (HOUSE MD)

1.) Holy shit thank you for reminding me about Amber. Her nickname that almost everyone calls her to her face every day is Cutthroat Bitch. When she & Wilson start dating there are so so so many jokes about her keeping his balls in her purse & having him whipped & etc etc just bc she’s assertive & confident. & then the whole two-part episode where they fridge her (which is. not quite house’s fault directly but he definitely contributed to it) they make it completely about house & wilson & maybe 2% about HER. I’m still mad forever

2.) After being fridged, she does show up in later seasons! As a hallucination. She shows back up to be the devil on House’s shoulder when he is hurtling towards a vicodin-induced breakdown. Literally only shows up to steer him into making bad decisions (including almost killing Chase (allergic to strawberries) by inviting him to a party where the stripper is wearing strawberry scented lotion that sends him into anaphylaxis)

3.) im so glad someone else submitted amber because she fits so well for this poll but i couldnt get my words out right but im going to try again anyway. i think an important aspect of how ambers character is treated and written for the audience has to do with if a man did what she did, hed be opportunistic and ambitious, if not a bit of an ass, but because shes doing it it makes her 'bitchy'. "cutthroat bitch" "coldhearted bitch" etc is practically her canon alias at this point by how much she is referred to that way rather than her name. she is probably the most humanized out of wilson's canon relationships and its mostly because theyre paralleling her to house. she deserved so much better she deserved the world and more

[faithlesbian]

fresh off my s7 rewatch i keep sticking on the scene after they find that potential that's hung herself in the night. buffy has to cut her down and bury her body in the garden, which is awful, but then she comes back inside to a room full of grieving, traumatised children, shovel still in hand, and says "anyone want to say a few words about chloe? let me. chloe was an idiot. chloe was stupid. she was weak."

for the rest of that scene she lashes out at pretty much everyone in some way with the reasoning that she's been "carrying them" and that they need to start pulling their weight. that scene is a tough one to watch just from how needlessly cruel she is to the potentials, watching them flinch when she throws the shovel she used to bury their dead friend is especially affecting, and while she's not technically wrong that willow and spike have both been holding back and not giving their all due to fear of their own power, verbally abusing them about it is really only gonna make it harder.

im usually a buffy stan first and a person second so watching her be so genuinely mean is hard for me, but the more i think about it the more i realise its not actually that ooc -- we know a major theme of s7 is the isolation of being the slayer, buffy acknowledges multiple times that she pushes people away and doesnt know how not to, the resolution of the main plot is her finding a way to share her power with the world. buffy's self-isolation and lashing out at her support network is an established trauma response that we first see in s2 when she's still reeling from being killed by the master. buffy in s6 had only recently started overcoming her suicidality before nearly getting raped by spike, so it's fair to say she's equally as unmoored in s7 as she was in early s2 if not way more so. in s3 she attacks a domestic abuse victim when she's struggling to come to terms with how she herself was hurt by angel, so her calling a suicidal teen "stupid and weak" after being suicidal herself actually does track. this is how buffy acts when she's at her most traumatised.

the thing that gets me about this instance compared to the others, though, is how bad a job they do at showing that. i think its pretty easy to say calling a suicidal teen stupid and weak is bad, right? doing so in front of a bunch of other vulnerable teens who are in the same boat is worse, right? no matter how unusual the circumstances, that kind of verbal abuse isnt going to help anyone "toughen up", its just abuse. but buffy doesnt apologise for any of it, willow defends her saying it, and i genuinely cant tell if she's narratively framed as in the wrong or not. buffy barely gets a chance to acknowledge just how traumatised she is this season, the PTSD symptoms she has from the rape in s6 just sort of go away after a while which is exactly how PTSD doesnt work, scenes like this get glossed over and used to build up to her friends kicking her out of her own house, which is such a majorly discoursed scene i dont wanna touch it with a barge pole but we all know that was not the ideal way to deal with any of that, right? the way she acts, which so clearly draws on how she's previously behaved when textually struggling with trauma, is never fully questioned or explored, leading to an ambiguous framing where an argument could easily be made that its meant to be seen as justified "tough" behaviour in a high stakes plot that demands it.

for the main plot to be resolved by buffy breaking the cycle that led to her original trauma, but to also fumble the depiction of that trauma an its effects, is deeply frustrating. because yes! too much had been expected of her by everyone in that room for too long! but part of the reason is her own refusal to ask for or accept help, and that distance between her and those around her is only made worse by her lashing out at them. and she deserved to process that in an emotionally cathartic way at some point before the finale

[parallaxistaken]

okay so i have a wild theory about what the final showdown in the animator vs animations series could be…..just as a forewarning i am writing this at a fever pitch at 3 am and i joined the fandom like 2 and some change days ago so, if anything is blatantly wrong i extend my deepest of apologies for not consuming the lore hard enough. anyway ONTO MY CRACKPOT THEORY. (under the cut)

I fully believe that Victim (and im 99.9999999Eipie% sure its him) wants the Chosen One captured in his facility for one of two possible reasons: 1) to persuade him (or coerce him) into helping Vic take down Alan (who still hasn’t reckoned with his earliest crimes against Vic) once and for all, or 2) skip the middle step altogether and just straight up steal the Chosen One’s powers for himself (and possibly his clone army.)

I am leaning toward believing the second, because we’ve already seen that TCO is willing to let bygones be bygones towards Alan. He helped ward off the ViraBot from Alan’s computer, fought TDL with Alan and the others without protest, and didn’t attempt to initiate a fight with Alan’s cursor after everything was said and done. He didn’t even care about Alan when he went to recruit TSC’s help in part VI, so I highly doubt that Vic would be able to turn him against Alan with pure rhetoric or appeal to emotions.

You see, I think Vic is building something in his facility. We can see all his worker bees milling around clearly doing something of importance, what that is exactly, we dont know. And we likely wont know until one or two episodes down the line. But, I will hazard a guess and say that he is building something to extract TCO’s powers. What would be the best way to exact righteous vengeance on Alan and his cohorts? That’s right, by turning The Chosen One’s all powerful abilities against the person who wished life upon him. If he bestowed TCO’s powers unto his hoard of loyal minions? EVEN BETTER. whats worse then a single pissed off Chosen One? A Thousand. Alan couldnt beat 2 of them, so suffice to say, if Vic is planning something even remotely like what i’m suggesting; we should all be supremely terrified of the next arc.

if i realize anything else or forgot to add evidence to this theory then i will add it to the tags, so keep watch on those !! knowing my dumb ass i deffo forgot some key shit for this bad boy

edit: gonna add another thought here. i dont think Vic will want to target the outside Internet like The Dark Lord, because he simply isn’t interested in it. The internet didn’t cause him any harm or emotional damage, but ALAN did. He wants revenge on ALAN, so he may use and abuse the internet as he sees fit to gain whatever edge he can, but his ultimate goal isn’t to invade the internet or destroy it or whatever like TDL, no, his vendetta is more personal, more targeted, more conniving. Also, out of universe, we’ve been seeing more and more of the Stick world, like their cities and grasslands, so I’m gonna assume that Vic’s conflict with Alan and TCO+TSC will continue in that setting. IDK, im rambling at this point XD

edit 2 electric boogaloo: ALSO THE CELL VIC PUTS THE CHOSEN ONE IN IS A BLANK WHITE VOID, LIKE THE WHITE PAGE OF AN ANIMATION SOFTWARE ‼️ dude i am so convinced Vic wants to manipulate him somehow or steal his powers like fr you can’t convince me otherwise atp save for some VERY compelling evidence to the contrary

[0xo]

tw abuse & transmisogyny tho

it is kind of nuts that on the flipside of having incredible trans relationships, i've also been treated like dirt by former partners who happened to be transfem, and it like... sucks. hard. to feel a little bit unable to talk about how they treated me for fear of people interpreting that as me not loving or respecting trans women.

like. idk. especially one ex in particular. having my life threatened and being emotionally/physically/financially abused really really really sucked. especially because i loved her a lot and still really, really care about her. it took literally years for me to tell the full story to our mutual close friends because. i didn't want them to cut her out of our community. like "exile abusers" blah blah blah but she NEEDED friends and support, she was also going through a hard time, the last thing she needed was for every local friend she had to drop her or talk shit about her. even if she did really really mean things to me. i still want her to be happy.

it was hard telling k about what actually happened because he was so mad, not at me but at her, asked why i didn't tell the whole story sooner, all that. and all i could say was that i was afraid she would get more hurt. i didn't want her to be isolated. and i asked him, if you knew what she'd done, would you have been so nice that day when she showed up and scared the hell out of me? and he said no, i would've understood why you were so scared, i would've told her to leave. and i said EXACTLY, she wasn't in a state to leave, she needed a soft place to land. even if it meant she broke a promise to me. don't you get it? i didn't want her to end up dead. i still had an obligation to her to try and keep her safe.

i don't know. like. there is no such thing as a perfect abuse victim and you don't have to forgive your abuser or try to make things easier for them or protect their reputation from the truth of what they did. i just. couldn't let it all blow up immediately, right? i could only tell the truth after she was in another place, a better mental state, with more support that wasn't connected to here or our mutual friends.

and it's weird because we're still kind of friends, sort of. and i still care a lot about her. she has so so so many good traits, she's talented and beautiful and smart, and. i didn't want the way she treated me to get in the way of her recovering and having a good life. i want to believe it was all a really really big mistake, that she didn't mean it, that it was just the drugs and the sobriety attempts talking. and pushing and threatening. like yes take responsibility for how you act but also, maybe, that wasn't really her. maybe she's really actually a great person and we were just in a really difficult situation. i know that's not realistic but god i hope maybe she didn't mean it.

idk. abuse makes you feel absolutely insane sometimes. five years later im still grappling with that. the gender layers just make it more complicated because i never wanted to be that asshole who ruins the life of a trans woman over petty stuff. but it. wasn't petty stuff, and i know that and i have witnesses, it was genuinely bad. and i still couldn't/can't bring myself to write her off as a terrible person. because i really and truly don't think she is one. i believe she's changed and i believe she's better and i believe she's got the potential to do amazing things.

and i'm not looking for brownie points by saying all this, i'm not trying to paint myself as a saint for the act of still treating her like a human. i was never perfect. and i don't want to hold it over her head, okay? that's not what this is about. i am not a wonderful person for trying to forgive her. i am just trying to minimize the damage for both of us.

i'm just. still processing. and i think the way i had to handle it kind of complicates things. i've had people accuse me of "protecting abusers" because i don't really publicly talk much about what she did, i don't "warn" people about her. but. it's not necessarily anyone's business? they're not entitled to know the details of one of the worst periods of my life just so they can get some sick glee out of regurgitating it, using it as a reason to alienate her... using my pain as social currency. it's not their business. especially if she's changed her behavior? she doesn't treat her wife like she treated me, thank god. and if i'd gone out to crucify her... i don't think she would've gotten better. she may have hurt me but i don't want to hurt her in return. she doesn't deserve that. i didn't deserve cruelty from her and she doesn't deserve cruelty from me.

i'm not looking for validation that i've done the "right thing." i'm not sure there is a "right thing" to do coming out of all that. i just need to talk about it a little bit. because maybe other people who've survived shit situations need to hear that it's okay to have complicated feelings.

but her changing for the better doesn't. erase. what happened or how it affected me. the flashbacks and nightmares and general fear and anxiety. the added layer onto my pre-existing ptsd. it's difficult to process and talk about. it's affected the way i relate to people and my ability to trust. (i'm forever grateful that my current girlfriend saw what was happening and stepped in to protect me... sometimes i only really feel safe when i'm with her, because i know she's not going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. i can actually relax when she's around. she's safe.)

and idk, i guess the thing is, i could've let that experience turn me bitter towards trans women. i could've blasted my ex publicly and tried to ruin her life, and i probably could've succeeded at it. but. i never wanted that. i needed to be away from her, and she shouldn't have done those things, but i was never willing to turn it into a witch hunt. and it was a trans woman who came to protect me when i thought i was going to be murdered! it was my trans fem partners that helped me get out and get safe. i owe them my life. they didn't have to help me but they did.

so it's confusing to me that some people are so transmisogynistic because... what, a trans woman was a little rude to you on the internet? she called you out on your transmisogyny??? you feel personally emotionally attacked or some shit?

like. please get real. you're just hateful. not to be like "oh i got over a horrible experience so you should shut up," but. i lived through hell, i was abused by a trans woman, and i still don't have a nasty attitude about trans women in general. so i think some of you should shut the fuck up. trans women have every right to be angry and snarky when you treat them like shit!!!

i think it's just. difficult. to watch people act like fuckheads. i deeply, deeply love and respect the trans women in my life - including the ones who hurt me. and some of these assholes are throwing hissy fits about jokes and well-deserved criticisms of how they treat/talk about trans women. like. just admit you don't like trans women specifically. don't pretend you're being attacked. i know what being attacked is and, i gotta say, it's NOT that!

wishing people would view other people, especially trans women, as Real Actual Humans and not just a collection of their worst moments. it's so dehumanizing and so blatant and i'm sick of it

[che-bur-ashka]

I don't think people are giving Mary and Stede nuance, they're just okay with Stede being a violent misogynist (assaulting Doug for literally not justified reason) because he's gay. Like I know they kissed and made up after because OFMD is a serious romcom and it's fine. Glad they didn't try to fit a serious domestic abuse arc in one episode! But if you want to seriously analyze OFMD through abuse as a lens Stede is deadbeat misogynist who gets away with neglecting his family because he's wealthy and Mary doesn't have equal power to him in their marriage.

i mean i think with respect this is sort of exactly the take i’m responding to right, only for stede-mary instead of izzy-ed. i think — omfd being fundamentally a rom-com aside — that part of what it’s trying to do is complicate the abuser-victim binary by setting up relationships where everyone is hurting everyone. it asks us to think about where harm comes from beyond the actions of individuals.

like to some extent im not even talking about stede’s return much as their earlier life together. stede and mary are both involved in making their marriage miserable — i’m not sure it’s helpful to try and tally respective damages (and im not totally sure that, in the relationship we see in the show, mary is actually subordinate to stede). none of it matters, anyway, because the peace that they get at the end of season 1 is: we were bad together, we can have a different relationship and be mutually happy for each other. my point is that ppl seem to be able to get that far, and then fall into the same trap of trying to sum up the harm izzy and ed have done to each other and figure out who’s on top. nobody’s on top. izzy and ed are mutually harmful because theyre products of the same homophobic-homosocial education about how theyre allowed to be around each other, just like stede and mary’s relationship is a product of a regressive heterosexuality. we’re supposed to read them against each other and hope that izzy and ed can find a new configuration like stede and mary did.

afterthought: i think stede vs doug has a lot more to do with demonstrating that he can’t even pretend to fit in in “polite society” anymore than it does misogyny (if you want to argue it the other way i’d be glad to hear the case but also like. i think sometimes we have to stop treating characters like real people and start thinking about what their purpose is in the narrative, & i dont totally grasp the broader use of that read)

tldr yadda yadda enlightenment imagination of the individual subject yadda yadda protestant ethics married to heteropatriarchy etc etc etc awakening queerness against the social structure i.e. the same stuff im always on

[spacehero-23]

May be unpopular ..but anytime someone is sad about Grace and Kit not happening on the timeline ..I can’t help but feel vindicated? Especially since the fandom downplayed what happened to him and thought it was okay to ship James’ ex gf and abuser with his first cousin, so because of having to see that all these years I’m glad she ended up the way she did at the end of Chain of Thorns, Im sad for Kit but not sad that they didn’t end up romantic. It feels like Cassie respected his trauma, even if I didn’t like Kit standing up for her and meeting her in secret in the first place. That was something that would’ve felt more comfortable to read if it were Jesse defending her there, not Kit. With Kit his focus on Grace almost felt disloyal, I was surprised with James’ temperament and fragile emotions that he didn’t snap at Kit over his doting over Grace..It was an ooc moment for James not to react but CC just didn’t want Kit to be called out only by Anna and Tom for some reason

oh I don’t think it’s an unpopular opinion, maybe it depends on who you follow but I saw a lot of people here and on twitter (myself included) criticize the Kit scene and how clear it was that he did not care about James's trauma. 

I’m re-reading the book right now, and every scene with Kit and James/The Merry Thieves is kind of spoiled for me, because I know that he chose this girl he knew for a month? over one of his closest friends. 

I think James didn’t say anything because he was just so exhausted from telling the story and he didn't want to fight with Kit right away. And I feel like Kit’s death robbed us of an actual confrontation (but I think she did that, because she knew most people would hate Kit for siding and fighting on the behalf of the abuser). 

I also saw people say that since Thomas forgave Alastair and wanted everyone else to forgive him, he should understand Kit. Which is???? nope. Those are apples and oranges, my guy. One was a stupid kid who didn’t know how much damage he was doing and the other knew exactly what she was doing and kept doing it (while having mood swings about how she felt about it, but that was more on Cassie and how she decided to write Grace). 

I’m really glad Cassie spent so much time highlighting how much damage Grace and the bracelet had done, because yeah, like you said, a lot of people in this fandom didn’t see what happened to James as something horrific or were a little too quick to forget because Kit and grace had a cute scene together.

anyway, everytime I “hate on”/criticize Grace I get a ton of dm/asks saying that I don’t understand her character, but I do. I really do. It's just like Cassie said, Grace is the embodiment of explanation not an excuse. And since she knew damn well what she was doing and kept doing it to other people, I cannot bring myself to like her or even feel bad for her. 

So this is a PSA to everyone who wants to say I blame the victim or something. everytime you say that I’m gonna respond with this image:

[yuridovewing]

actually…. now that im having thoughts on clear sky in my au as an overarching antagonist… i wanted to put a dotc character in the dark forest that is there solely for unfair reasons that clear sky can harp on throughout the series as this manipulative disgusting person who is satan incarnate, and everyone buys it bc of the propaganda throughout the decades, only for oots to reveal this character to be like… not a good person, sure, but someone whos just been broken and forced into that position for years. someone who just wants to stop existing entirely now but cant because their memory lives on for all the wrong reasons. and its like… a revelation for ivyleaf that the dark forest is full of despicable evil people, yes, but its also a symptom of a corrupt system that enables a cycle of suffering.

and i was torn on who exactly this cat would be. like, i think gray wing is an obvious and tragic candidate, but i kinda want to keep his status as this “wise sage” who is respected throughout the years but in reality was just a cruel enabler and stickler for the tragedy his brother created. while its cool to rewrite him into the tragic figure people want him to be, i dont think thats where i want to go with him. i was thinking bumble too, but honestly… her story is just SO awful that i really want to give her a happy ending where after shes left for dead, shes found by a nice twoleg who lets her be a bookstore cat. shes used as a fearmongering story for the clans, but she had a peaceful death and was happily put through the reincarnation cycle. one eye is also a good candidate as someone who was basically created to make clear sky look less bad, so i was leaning more towards him…

but the more i think about it, the more i actually think star flower fits the role the best. like, she is treated like dogshit in canon and her “crime” of letting her dad know hes gonna get assassinated is treated as equal to or worse than clear skys war crimes. even in the fandom, while i know its not at all meant as an insult, shes seen as a manipulative villain who has horrible intentions and wants to cause chaos. when in reality, shes also a victim of clear sky.

i dont think she has his kits in this au, nor is there gonna be a father/son love triangle plot, but she is still romantically involved with clear sky in a fucked up cycle of abuse way. and i think what happens is that she takes away some of his lives, maybe even his last, when she finally reaches her limit and assassinates him, to avenge herself and her father. shes placed in the dark forest and this story is rewritten as a cautionary tale against letting outsiders into the clan- theyll manipulate their way to the top, and try to rot the clan from within.

her name may be something different in the dark forest, something correlating to “rot”. like “rotting flower” or something.

i realize i did a little tangent about not wanting bumbles suffering to be dragged out while… kinda doing that to star flower instead. but like ok at least star flower will get some W’s i think. i’ll let her double kill thistleclaw as a treat or something.

[80svhstapes]

how are u a Billy stan and a person of color? he literally tried to kill a black kid, he would NOT like you. good thing he's dead tho lol!!!!! also calling him an abuser is NOT victim blaming. growing up with abusive parents doesn't mean you're allowed to be abusive back to the people around you. Johnathan had a shit dad as well, and he's a great brother. maybe Billy is just... racist and written to be disliked? also Mike is a child who makes bad choices sometimes and it's kind of stupid to call HIM an abuser and not Billy, like are u ok? do u need therapy? clearly.

he wouldnt like me? you dont fucking know that honey, he's not real

if you think its surprise that im a poc billy fan then I wonder how you are with black billy fans, yes they exist, surprising I know.

you antis seem to love to bring up jonathan to compare victims which is fucking gross by the way because for starters lonnie fucked off ages ago, Jonathan has will and joyce which gives a solid support, billy on the other hand never got escaped from his abuser and never had a support system for his active trauma.

im not stupid for calling mike abusive because that's exactly what he is, he tried to gaslight el when she broke down in front of him, called her ridiculous when she called him out on his bullshit and called her a superhero despite the fact that's not what she wants to be known for because mike makes it out that that's her only purpose when its not

not to mention that mike is sexist and he bullied max for no reason in s2 which he still hasn't apologised for but gets away with it because he's cheesecake. which is what i called rich white entitled assholes. I've dealt with a lot of them in my life. i literally have a tally in a journal.

also need i remind you that mike made a racist remark towards licas in s2? literally no one else in the group had a problem with lucas being Venkman except for mike because if something doesn't go his way he throws a tantrum like a 5 year old.

and in the lucas on the line novel, lucas sees that mike is death glaring him but he doesn't know why, the was no reason for mike to do this, the dnd campaign could and should've been rescheduled.

it says a lot about what tyoe of friends mike and dustin are since they'd rather play a board game with a 19 year old than go and support their childhood friend

the duffers tried to make an exact rip off of it's henry bowers but dacre said fuck no and gave a realistic representation of non-romanticised victims because unlike you, he knows that not every victim will not turn out the exact same specific way.

if you dont like my account and what I post stay the fuck away because your bullshit is not gonna make change my opinions that I've had for the past 5 years

[one-abuse-survivor]

i feel kinda shitty rn because i was almost convinced my dad had. like. stopped? being an abusive asshole to me? i told myself that he did it because he was so stressed and upset bc of stuff happening and that now it was over even though i know he goes through stages where he seems fine and then abruptly turns into an asshole. i was telling myself it was over and it was going to be weird that i had a period in my life where my dad abused me but now it was over and i could just lowkey hate him for it but it was over.

but then, of course, because i'm a dumbass, the other day, my dad started making fun of me for literally being a cripple? (i am crippled, to be clear, he was just making fun of me for how i walk and being slow and using a cane and how it makes him have to wait for me to get out of the way, which inconveniences him or whatever.) and i was feeling so bad that day that i got pissed at him and then i got in trouble for telling him that making fun of my disabilities isn't okay. (because that's petty somehow ._. )

and now he's avoiding me bc he knows he was an asshole and didn't apologize and he doesn't want to do that. and im just so done. like. i used to think i couldn't call him abusive bc we were all in such a stressful situation and he was just dealing with it like a dickhead but we're out of it now, almost 2 years, and he's still on/off treating me like shit, avoiding me so he doesn't have to apologize, and then trying to come back and chat like nothing happened. i feel like im going insane or maybe im just stupid for letting him do this to me. im just barely an adult but still an adult, i should know what to do in this situation right? but my family just says 'forgive him' and i don't know what else to do when im stuck living with him. :/

Hi there, nonnie.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. You were starting to feel that you were safe around him and he turned around and abused you again. That's awful beyond words, and sounds so scary and confusing. I don't think you're a dumbass for believing the abuse was over. I think downplaying what happened and believing it wouldn't happen again might have been a coping mechanism/survival strategy, because you can't exactly process his abuse while still living with him, so your mind might have resorted to just hoping for the best so you could keep going.

Good job standing up for yourself when he made those ableist comments! And I'm sorry he didn't budge and painted you as petty for that. Any good parent would be proud of their kids when they stand up for themselves, even against their own parents when they say something insensitive.

You're not stupid for struggling, nonnie. Being an adult doesn't automatically mean you should know how to handle being abused. For one, the abuse-victim relationship has been established between you since you were a minor. That's not a dynamic you can just snap out of. Even as adults, victims of child and teen abuse can very easily fall back into that dynamic, even if it's been years or decades since they got out. In my case, whenever I run into my mother, I still fall back into survival mode, and I'm in my mid-twenties. And, until I was able to move out of her house at 20, I kept living in survival mode constantly in her house. Being 19 wasn't any different than being 16 when it came to living in that house. I was exactly the same amount of traumatised and helpless until the moment that I left.

And, moreover, there are many adults who become victims of abuse in adulthood, for example within the context of romantic relationships, workplace relationships, or friendships. Being an abuse victim isn't a minor-only thing. Sure, it's not the exact same experience, but adults are definitely not immune to abuse. So, no, nonnie, you shouldn't know what to do in this situation. The vast majority of people of all ages wouldn't know how to escape from an abusive relationship if they found themselves in one.

It's horrible that your family isn't supporting you and is telling you to forgive him. They're basically telling you you don't deserve boundaries, respect, or reparations when you're hurt, and you should just let others mistreat you without complaining. They're condoning and facilitating his abuse of you when they should be supporting you and confronting him instead. That's incredibly unfair, and you deserve so much better than that.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[kael-writ]

TW Child Abuse & not believing victims

A Child Called It by Dave Pelzer meant a lot to me as a kid. While my abuse was not as extreme, the psychology of the abuser and the abused was so intimately familiar. I saw my Mom in that woman. Im not saying my Mom was that bad, or was exactly the same, Im saying I saw the same psychological state of being emotionally out of control and twisting it into sadism against a child.

It disturbs me revisiting this book that the author is accused of fraud. And the accusations aren't based on solid evidence, not any that I can find.

The article that started these accusations of lying, in 2002 in the NYT, is behind a paywall and Im honestly not going to the effort of going around it, I am sure the kids today know how to go around paywalls but I don't want to read it and get all upset that badly tbqh. It's by a sportswriter, Pat Jordan, who dabbled in true crime who somehow got to say that for the New York Times but the secondhand sources citing it dont show that Jordan actually provided evidence. They also claim Jordan had a hostility towards therapy. Jordan has his own memoir out where he accuses his own father of being a con artist. So it kinda seems like he is someone who would be hypervigilant to thinking someone is grifting.

The reasons people give for not believing him just read like a laundry list of all the reasons people call all abuse victims liars. Some of his relatives say they think he exaggerated, but still say there was abuse, like a 90 year old grandma who lived in another state and some - not all - of his brothers. The other scapegoated brother confirms the abuse in his own book. Well, that's typical. The other kids were both privileged by the abuser and separated from the rituals of abuse and Dave's life in general, young, brainwashed. Lots of times the "golden child(ren)" deny abuse. They're meant to. The abuser has arranged it that way. They're kids, they're warped by an abuser, they are in denial and feeling guilty. The majority of the abuse of the scapegoat will be entirely in private, as Dave's was.

People point out that the memoir of his childhood going only up to age 12 reads.... like a memoir of childhood memories does... as the.. memories of a child. Like, yea some stuff might have seemed "exaggerated" to him. The amount of time something took, for example, would be really common for a child to misremember. He says in the forward it is meant to capture his childhood memories!

Dave also says openly he changed names. The book is - a book. It's carefully written and edited. It's presented to the reader. It's... a book.

To get attention? Yes! You grew up abused and that was hidden and you want the world to see it! You want to save other kids! That is understandable and not a bad thing. Yes, he is bringing attention to child abuse and to his life. And yes, he's making money from it. He wants to make money from telling his story, it's hard, time and energy consuming work and in this society it's really hard to do anything you can't monetize, frankly, we should all know that by now. The man has a child, a child he devotes himself to giving a completely different life from his, one of love and safety and peace, - god forbid he makes any money from writing a book.

As Dave DETAILS in his book not just very openly but clearly to educate us on how abuse works, abused kids have to learn how to deceive and appease to survive the abuser. To tense part of your body before a punch, to cry when that will help or show no emotion if that will help, to steal food, to lie about injuries.

So could Dave's adult work as a motivational speaker, could his story telling, come off as someone with some skill in some manner of audience manipulation? Sure dude. Everyone does that sometimes, every writer and actor does that when performing. That doesn't mean someone just made up their whole life story.

People say he couldnt have survived all that. Unfortunately, and fortunately, people have survived worse. And again, yea sure, maybe the week he remembers eating nothing he did actually eat a bite somewhere. Maybe the time he got stabbed it wasnt as deep as the book makes it sound, it seemed deeper to a kid. Sure, maybe a couple little details are off.

eta: another claim is that he "doesn't have PTSD" and functions well in life. If you read his follow up work, he does struggle with PTSD, and even if he didn't, not everyone who, say, comes back from war has it, it clearly depends. And the idea that survivors will never function and thrive is false and insulting. Look at Oprah, Maya Angelou, Elie Wiesel ffs. People CAN survive! /eta

The other main claim is "how did she get away with it? Her kid coming to school every day with bruises and dirty clothes and no one did anything?" Yea dude. Especially in the 70s. Yes. Children get murdered by abusers to this day after a CPS failure. And that's when it gets reported at all. The teacher in the afterward who was one of Pelzer's saviors said he didn't even have any understanding of child abuse back then. It hasnt even always been illegal to abuse a kid. To this day, hitting and verbally abusing your kids is largely legal. There's a line, there's been progress (BECAUSE of people like Dave) but a lot of abuse is still legal.

People say he didnt provide enough proof to them of this hidden child abuse from when he was under 12 in the 70s. I dont even know what they expect. The only external proof I have of my own abuse are the times someone else witnessed something, most of the physical stuff was only seen by a fellow sibling occasionally, neighbors heard some yelling, that's about it. but it's not like we had phones and filmed it even in the 90s, it's not like my parents signed a form when they lost their temper. Its not like abusers take the kid to the doctor. The couple times someone called cops or DCFS they didnt do their jobs. There isn't just - collected evidence of all this stuff. That's- beyond unreasonable. At most there might have been some documentation of the child custody proceedings, in the 70s I really don't know if that would be available now.

And something that is striking about these allegations is that on EVERY forum alleging them you start to see abuse victims saying "that's very realistic actually. That's what it's like".

You also don't see the actual proof of fraud. Proof the teacher who wrote the afterward doesnt exist, for example, something like that. That is what you see with actual fraud cases. The person was actually not in the USA on 9/11. Stuff like that. That's proof of fraud.

Does it sound like that's a high bar to clear to call him a fraud? I don't think so, I think an abuse victim (or a person with cancer, or whatever thing that very rarely people lie about but most people arent lying about) should be believed or at the very least not persecuted like this unless you have extremely good evidence. I particularly think a journalist shouldn't make those allegations without doing actual journalism.

When 9/11 survivors and journalists started suspecting fraudulent "victim" Tania Head, they DID RESEARCH. They FOUND PROOF. Hard evidence. She was in Barcelona on 9/11. They didn't just start accusing her without proof. Because that would have been awful. And unlike Dave, she was being a jerk to other survivors, she was not showing mutual support, I dont see anyone so much as claiming Dave didnt support other survivors. Survivors seem to appreciate him, in fact.

Is it possible it's fake? I guess. Is it likely? No, it's not. Is there reasonable evidence of fraud? Not to my knowledge. Im obviously incredibly biased here, and yes I will be so crushed if it turned out to be a fraud, but I would want to see that evidence, Id want to know - if it is actually solid, compelling evidence, not just some redditor's misunderstanding of how abuse works.

In over 20 years, no one has gone and found actual proof that Dave lied. It's still just rumors and speculation burned onto his wikipedia and his legacy. A message to him as a survivor and every survivor watching, that we STILL are not to be believed.

Abuse survivors shouldn't have to live with the stigma of presumed guilt, of never feeling like we can ever just be believed. Coming forward about abuse should not mean you are indefinitely publicly on trial in a state of presumed guilt. You don't have to 100% believe every story you hear. But abusers thrive on the silencing of victims. At some point, if we want abuse to stop being a driving force in society causing so many problems and so much pain, we're gonna have to start believing victims.

[nikialexx]

Happy to explain! Sirius and Snape have very different outward personalities but very similar arcs- both growing up in abusive households, latching onto one particular friend, both being emotionally stunted in adulthood due to trauma and making much of their decisions around that aforementioned friend. Both are petty, hold grudges, loyal, brave, vindictive. They both treat Harry based on how they feel about his parents. They both die never truly having fully lived their life.

(i actually wrote the entire response to this earlier and then lost it and i have never wanted to fling myself into the sun more than i did in that moment) but hi anon! so sorry this took a while. I'll continue under the cut cause my reply got kinda long😅

also general disclaimer that we're not going to be unnecessarily rude about either of these characters here, since i know a lot of people are very passionate about them one way or the other :)

Yeah, anon, I totally get where you're coming from here. I actually have very vague recollections of having had this conversation before but I don't remember where?? So this probably isn't the first time I'm comparing Sirius to Snape but I'm glad you gave me an opportunity to do it again.

I think those differences in their outward personalities is actually a nature vs nurture type situation. I've always said that Slytherin kids aren't immediately inherently evil (obviously), but rather victims of a larger system that actively works against them. You take a bunch of kids in their most important formative years and tell them they're destined to be evil and awful and essentially give every non-slytherin student a free pass to target them while even some of the teachers encourage these biases, and really, who wouldn't have this as their villain origin story?

Sirius and Snape both came from abusive households so Hogwarts was their only chance at getting away from that, and in that case, Snape was doomed from the very beginning. Sirius, comparatively, basically had the entirety of Gryffindor house to combat his more unsavory traits. He had friends who were good and kind and amazing and genuinely cared about his wellbeing, so he, in turn, grew to be a good and kind person. That's what he was surrounded by for like... 9 out of 12 months in the year. Snape went from one bad situation to another, continuously surrounded by people who were equally petty and vindictive and often cruel. What else was he supposed to become?

And I can hear you saying: but what about Lily?

Lily was only one person and I think it's a bit unfair to expect her to single-handedly combat the entire system that is House Prejudice and Rivalry at Hogwarts. Lily and Snape being placed in different houses, not to mention two houses with a personal history of being very anti each other, immediately drew a wall between them.

And then, what did the 'good' side ever really offer Snape? Sirius found happiness with the good guys, but Snape? Aside from literally only Lily, they all hated him and bullied him relentlessly. From his perspective, the supposed bad guys were the only ones offering him anything worthwhile or seeing any actual value in him.

So yeah, i see it. Two characters who are really similar in a lot of ways but had drastically different experiences that shaped who they would become.

(And it's also interesting how you laid out their non-personality similarities in the way their story arcs parallel each other almost exactly. I don't think I've ever really paid attention to that before.)

This was a fun little thought exercise lol thank you for this anon and im sorry again for taking so long to reply <3

[enzombie]

I just finished season 4 and im. Im ruined. Ive already watched the show like 6 times btw but FUCK. GOD DAMN

Blaine being truly honest for the first time in as long as we've known him by telling angus he made the sign from god, only to get a reality check when his dad isnt as selfish and cowardly as he is, except thats such a mindfuck because his dad is a horrible awful child abusive son of a bitch, and it must have been so confusing to watch the church devour fraud bater under angus's orders. How eagerly angus watches blaines reaction, how he so hopes that makes up for everything, its sickening. Especially at the end of their arc where if i got it correctly, enzo sold them out? Told FMG they'd be coming and led them to a trap? And we saw angus and his flock get shot down. I cant help but feel bad for blaine

Peyton refusing to let FMG get away with moving up the time of the execution, marching into that studio and taking iver the broadcast, being the REASON people SHOWED UP at the warehouse and being right there with johnny fucking frost of all people, and ravi right by her side.

Major leaping over the crowd of soldiers to tackle chase, raging out completely and rightfully after all the shit he had to do for what he believed to be the right cause, only for the leader of that cause to spit in his face by trying to execute the love of his life. Because despite everything they still love eachother still and major is so goddamn pissed hes not gonna let another person murder his kids and get away ith it (even tho we saw so little of captain seattle i do not rememebr his actual name. Or jordans half the time)

Liv's stone cold expression at pulling the level and crushing chase's skull, and being so right about it too. Still tho, it wasnt enough to bring levon back, just like every time she tries to do the thing she thinks is right, someone she loves dies for it. When she tries to shoot blaine on sniper brain but cant, lowell tries to and gets killed. When she saves the chaos killer victims and clive from dying to a zombie, that zombie just had to be drake. When she tries to help human-zombie relations (misguidedly) and save lives by being renegade, she gets a front row seat to levons head being crushed. Her pain is so real idec chase is done with. It wasnt a good ending for her and i can feel that so clearly, even with that hopeful ending scene

My friend and I talked abour how selfish Liv can be when we started watching together (her first time), but how selfish can someone be when they give up the cure for their ailment twice for other peoples happiness?

And Chase. God. That entire decline during the latter half of the season was brutal. When thwy announced renegades execution and the video came out, he was done it was over, there was truly no coming back from this. He was so out of it at the point of the supporters breaking in that his voice cracks when he shouts at major to stop and when he says dont shoot and hes scrambling wildly for some form of control, in this case a gun that he places his head right on the gillutine. I think its a mercy that he died so painlessly.

At least Dale and Clive got a happy ending to the season though, getting married and getting the cure. Clive calling liv partner when they were saying goodbye in chase's office, it was just so bittersweet

Hope its okay that this is so long i just wanted to dump my thoughts onto someone ^^ this show is phenomenal i cant recover from this tonight.

DAMN. THATS A LOT OF WORDS. DAMN.

I uh idk how to respond to most of this cus there's so much but I'll try my best (also why this took so long to reply sorry)

Blaine is a mixed feelings character, he's a fan favourite and he's always enjoyable to watch. Angus on the other hand idk a single soul who likes that bitch. Say what you will about Blaine, but Angus was EVIL. Shout out to Enzo for killing him off fr. We are grateful. All my homies hate Angus.

Also Enzo didn't exactly sell them out, he more completely set them up - he went directly to Blaine and Angus to make sure they went the exact route, made sure he was there for all the final plans, he collaborated directly with the US military to get rid of Angus and his pals. Like it wasn't a split second betrayal it was a planned execution, he knew full well Angus would take the bait and was probably hoping Blaine would too. I'm not sure if it was even an official FG operation because as far as we know, Chase didn't hear anything back from Enzo about the church. He didn't tell the press his name, he was the only FG personnel there - I'm sus that he just took it upon himself to deal with them. King behaviour.

And yeah Peyton was girlboss at the end of season 4 but it's like. When her bestie in danger she got all this proactive shit but when she's acting mayor the energies like half that. Makes me mad.

As for major. Little sympathy. Oh did your child soldiers get killed? Maybe child soldiers are a bad idea? Maybe you wouldn't be upset if you didn't have children as soldiers in the first place? Maybe giving untrained children weapons is guaranteed to go badly and end with them injured or killed? Do you think? Like. Honestly. And the way he was with Levon. Major was weird in season 4 idk. And I disagree with them killing Chase. There's so many worse people in the show that she can't bring herself to kill but Chase she executes without hesitation. He wasn't even that bad. I don't think its very fair for him either. Like he was trying his best to keep Seattle under control, and renegade was actively making everything worse. And if you think he was doing a bad job what came after in season 5? With Major: terrorism and hatecrimes peaked and he did nothing, he made Seattle completely reliant on Blaine who (bless him) is not trustworthy and not a good person and is obviously going to be a controversy. With Enzo: the second he took over, Majors mistakes blow up and Seattle dealing with civil war. Not to mention Enzo isn't great at de-escalation, at any point - not even just when he's in charge, since his introduction he walks in and makes situations worse on purpose (can't help being a girlboss)

As for your question about Liv being selfish - it's shortsightedness. She'll do selfless things that make her feel good but she won't consider the consequences. Stuff like giving up the cure is fine, not really any consequences, she gets to help her friends. The renegade stuff, she gets to scratch sick people and feel good about it - but the whole of Seattle gets closer and closer to dying horribly every time she does. It's like only caring about what's directly in front of her. Irritates me a little tbh. Especially when she's one of the only zombies not experiencing the food shortage so it's just this whole privilege thing while thousands of people are at risk.

Clive and Bozzio are so precious I love them so much they deserve everything. That's all.

Anyway, hope you and your friend enjoy season 5✌️

[juni-ravenhall]

i’ve been trying to figure out what to do, bc the more im away from ssoblr the  more it became obvious that i feel intensely fucking shit when i go on here and feel better when im not on here 

- due to the ppl who decided to make shit up about me behind my back and then double down on it and say “look!! he IS mean [for being hurt and upset - as a longterm victim of abuse and bullying, which everyone knows about]” when i try to talk about that. 

i just dont know what to do. i liked it here, and i did my best (as someone with severe social anxiety and with ptsd from abuse! i’m not perfect, but i did my best!) to talk to ppl directly, even the ones who have been rude or nonsensical or mean or whatever other form of disrespectful to other ppl. (that includes anons i received and normal convos.) 

but everytime i go on here now im just reminded about how ppl i thought i could trust would turn on me and make shit up about me instead of actually talk to me, and when i tried to talk to them directly, it would be shut down or discouraged. while the behind-my-back stuff clearly was never actually acknowledged or resolved.  

at this point i just feel so lost. i dont know what to do. when i try to resolve it instead i get told even worse things and got hurt *more* instead of getting a resolution. and i get told “you talk too much” and shit like this, so what? talking isn’t bad. treating others unfairly is bad. i wish i had a penny for everytime someone told me i talk too much! imagine, humans are different! talking isn’t harmful and when i was told to “stop replying to me if you don’t agree”, i did, aka i stopped talking, as much as i feel it’s an odd way to handle things. 

even my gf got grouped in with me as if she had done something wrong. what exactly these things we both did that are wrong, seems really unclear. i know that ppl got upset about specific things but i don’t really see how the things are wrong, and if nobody is ready to explain that, what can i do? what am i supposed to do? when *i* see someone post unfair or mean things, i replied to them and said “hey, this isn’t fair” etc... but the same group of people told me to stop doing that. (either by direct words, or by blocking me, or whatever.)

what do you want me to do then? to not reply when someone is mean, but also to think it’s okay for people to talk about me in private chats, and therefore to not get a chance myself to explain or defend myself since you refuse to talk to me directly about it? i hate all of this. it’s school style bullying at the point that you talk about others negatively in private and don’t have anyone there to offer a different perspective or defend them.

i didnt talk about any of these ppl behind anyone’s back: part of what made some ppl mad is the public posts i made (during panic attacks from severe mental illness and stressful poor life situations!) containing ~narcissistic judgmental mean content~ such as “i can’t handle ppl being irrational and mean”, or “people should stop being irrational and mean”, or “people should get help (just like i do) if they’re unhealthy and immature”. 

bc you know, it’s not like ppl were irrational and mean to me or others, i just made that up. and it’s definitely only about x persons on ssoblr who likes to think all vagues are about them and not the entire humanity (aka: ive been open about how many ppl have mistreated, abused or bullied me, actually, and every fucking time i go in a fandom i meet ppl who latch on to me as an easy target bc im Different. one person being immature or unhealthy isn’t unique; i meet them everywhere; if they treat others with disrespect or unfairly they are causing harm, no matter how common they are, and therefore it’d be great if they tried to fix that by studying psychology and getting mental healthcare. because it’s not okay to hurt others or be mean and you should stop. whoops, am i being a mean narcissist again?) 

i really wish all the trying-to-talk-it-out happened publically because i needed backup. they can keep doing what they do and everyone else thinks they didn’t hurt anyone because i handled this in private out of respect (i don’t believe in cancelling and blocking and all this shit). if nobody knows what happened then they’re also free to keep manipulating the perspective and act as if i really did do something wrong (i’ve asked what i did wrong and i get no answer. contrary to Things People Make Up About Me, i actually do want to know if i did something wrong, and try to make it right - and no, you’re not unique if you Made Things Up About Me, so that’s not just about one person, yet again). 

it’s not comparable to say “you’re talking too much” vs “you hurt me”. it’s not comparable to say “you wrote public posts where you said being mean and irrational is bad” vs “talking behind someone’s back in a private space where they or their friends can’t defend them”. the things aren’t the same. you can’t just act like all emotional reactions are equal when they’re not. 

i really dont know what to do. i dont feel safe or comfortable on here, i feel like shit that they hurt me like this and are still hellbent on that somehow it was my own fault and also it never happened anyway. 

(btw, i was literally told “we talk about you sooo much” and then told “no, we never talk about you”... “he thinks ppl talk about him”... as if i was being delusional or grasping in thin air, for putting together two and two when i know for a fact i had been talked about *and* i don’t see any other explanation than talking-behind-my-back for how some of the rude/mean things even reached me the way they did. anons that mysteriously sound exactly like the people who were being rude/mean and part of the same group? ppl replying to me just to be rude who supposedly don’t even follow me - i’d guess my posts were being linked somewhere? i mean, it’s not a far reach when you know it’s all one same group of people that do talk to each other in private where nobody can speak for me. i’m open to other explanations, but i haven’t been given any.)

also, to be clear because ppl love to make shit up about me:

i dont talk about any of this to insult or shame or whatever. i already talked directly to ppl from the very beginning and talked publically about my opinions and thoughts and this is what made them upset. 

i talk about this because im fucking lost and ssoblr is my only “big” fandom community. i’m really sad to think about leaving, like really really sad. i just don’t know what else to do when the people who hurt me are still here and still acting as if i did something wrong, but not ready to talk to me about it respectfully.

[kwyounghyun]

hello! look at me, underprepared! but here’s an intro post anyway because i need to get some information out there. anyway, this is my second muse, ahn younghyun who’s trying to right his wrongs and make himself better. he just recently returned from military service! below you’ll find more information about him.

and as always, LIKE THIS POST if you want to plot! i’ll go ahead and slide into your ims at a leisurely pace... so tumblr doesn’t snipe me. 

here we gooooo 

00 liner!

culinary arts major, was directed on that path since he even learned how to think because his mom is a well-renowned chef and she wants someone to continue her legacy. and his dad is a typical rich politician who owns a restaurant chain. a match made in hell

( tw for emotional abuse )

typical narcissistic and perfectionist mother who shoves all her dreams and aspirations onto her son, morphing him the way she wants to. she’d cherrypick his friends, tell him exactly how to act and what to do, dismisses every other hobby except cooking and baking. he doesn’t have a lot of freedom

was basically caged in and had no free will of his own

( end tw )

always loved the stars, constellations, everything of the sort. but of course, he’s not allowed to have those hobbies. so when it’s time to get into university, he went with culinary arts instead of what he really wants. astronomy

not that he’s bad at it though, it’s kinda hard to be bad at it when he’s been ‘trained’ since he was little. he’s genuinely talented, but doesn’t make him feel any less stressed about it

( tw heavy drinking, car accidents )

turned to alcohol to numb all that emotional abuse! long story short, he made a mistake and caused a terrible accident. and now he regrets everything. no charges were filed, but he knows he messed up majorly. he hasn’t forgiven himself, and he knows he shouldn’t

( end tw )

shortly after, he failed his exams bc of all that stress. his parents decided to send him off to military service and made no form of contact while he was out there

he’s back now, and he vowed not to drink again. ever

um. personality-wise, he’s usually a bubbly person, loves to talk, generally wants to be fun when he’s around friends. he’s usually very friendly!

plot ideas.... (i’m trying)

club friends! he joined the astronomy club behind his parents’ back bc he knows they wouldn’t like it

he also works part-time in the mugunghwa planetarium (again, behind his parents’ back,) as an attendant and would ramble on and on about constellations. so maybe someone who has to listen to him even though You Didnt Ask

culinary arts friends?

despite his weird relationship with culinary, he DOES love baking realistic cakes that can pass off as too real. and he loves pranking people with them (i.e making a cake that looks like toiler paper and then pranking someone and telling them it’s real toilet paper). so a victim of his pranks

he’s thinking of joining kyungwon volunteering service. idk, someone who’d convince him to do that?

was quite the party animal before he went to military service. so maybe someone who knew him from that scene and is now confused why he did a complete 180?

idk admittedly my brain is dead HAHAHA i’ll reply to ims eventually <3