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#but im still living with my parents and i KNOW my mom is going to pressure me to stay
penisbilt · 2 months
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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stellardeer · 5 months
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i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird
i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account
i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever
i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective
very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;
#like idk it makes me feel a little bad sometime that im able to live comfortably while others arent#fuck i mean i got one of my friends living on my fucking couch rn i have a daily reminder of the inequality in this country#cause he doesnt have any qualifications to get a good enough job to fucking LIVE in this city#he's been trying to find a place to live but everywhere wants you to be making 3x the rent#and there's not a fucking job in this town that will pay you that much...#it's college town most people here are not even paying their own rent their well-off parents are paying it#ive never even fucking paid rent here i was living off the good fucking graces of my friends and my partner for like 7 years#and im still not paying rent i live in a trailer park and i own the trailer it's a shitty 2bd that i've had to pay to fix multiple times#but the fact that i can even afford to do that now is INSANE TO ME#I OWN A BUILDING WTF#i mean i do pay lot rent but it's only $300/mo#but rent prices here keep going up and up and up and i feel bad for my friend cause i dont know wtf he's supposed to do#i'm not charging him anything to live here so he's saved up a bunch of money but no matter how much he has the apartment places dont care#cause he wont have that money once he has to spend it all on bills and then his paychecks wont be able to cover living costs...#and i love him but he's just a little bit stupid and like.. doesn't seem to comprehend that he cannot afford a place that's $900 :'D#like he thinks that because he makes $1500 a month that he can spend $900 of that on rent like buddy NOO#what about FOOD? and OTHER BILLS? that's JUST rent dude what about lights and water????#but also idk i dont feel THAT bad for him cause he could always just move back in with his mom or live with a roommate but he fcking refuse#anyway this got off on a tangent the point is once im out of debt im donating all my fucking money
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sunsetzer · 6 months
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Hello I am not dead I've just been sucked irrevocably into Stardew Valley by my friend who bought it for my birthday (and also Christmas, because my birthday is three days after Christmas, which is usually the way presents go for me and I don't mind). I've already put like 42 hours into my little farm in the forest and making friends with the residents and I'm having the most delightful time. Also my friend's boyfriend is purchasing a copy for my girlfriend so we can play together. What really sold her was when I told her we could get gay married in co-op. 10/10
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paranorahjones · 1 year
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realizing that it might actually be time to quit my job. it's a terrifying thought because a lot of people are depending on me but i actually don't think i can handle this constant stress for much longer.
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mayclair · 2 years
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the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did
#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry#mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc#at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically#towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly#ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal#they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so#meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM#and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou#ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad#max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she#still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max#and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to#see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf#come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes#ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to#last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational#it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en#ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought#for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so#its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes#her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents#anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS#mike wheeler#max mayfield#stranger things
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pepprs · 1 year
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also (this is it i promise) this is why i am so INSANELY excited to have my own room soon. like omg. it is definitely not perfect bc it’s at home and there’s a breaker box in it and you can hear footsteps really loud through the ceiling and also again *it’s at home* when i really need to not be living at home. but the quality of life improvement i am about to have is actually INSANE. i will be able to have a space far away from everyone else where i can sing without bothering anyone and play piano and decorate it (mostly) to my liking and have a desk and draw and paint and do whatever. finally!!!!!!!! that is going to fix me!!!!!
#purrs#i just wish it was permanent or that i had more years to spend in it. like i actually just want to find the place where i will live forever#and just stay there bc oh my GOD am i tired of living in places temporarily. i have so many issues w that bc so many spaces that were#formative for me have been destroyed (e.g. the van 😍😍😍😍 and my grandparents house 😍😍😍😍 and my favorite hs teachers classroom 😍😍😍😍) or are#going to be destroyed (e.g. the office where i work rn 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍) or ive had to leave them and move out bc they’re inherently temporary (e.g.#my on campus room 😍😍😍😍 and my room in brighton 😍😍😍😍😍😍). and ive had attachment issues w space / location : whatever my whole life like i wou#would have huge meltdowns whenever we were transitioning from like elementary school to middle school middle school to high school etc etc..#so i really just um. would like permanence and stability please. im 24. im done w school for now and maybe forever. i want to find a place w#where i can just like.. stay. so if im paying rent like something that would allow me to renew it indefinitely and not fear bei ng kicked#out randomly or at the end of a determined period. i just want a home lol i want a homeeeee and i want to decorate it with all my things and#never be afraid that i will lose it and get to stay there forever and ever or at least as long as i want. bc my parents already have plans f#for my new room after i move out and i won’t get to decorate it as much as i want bc my mom doesn’t want me to damage the paint. but like if#i have a place of my own then i get to decide a little ding in the paint is worth it to put up my lanterns. you know? idk. the mortifying#ordeal of experiencing freedom like thisfor the first time in my mid-late twenties probably 😍😍😍😍😍😍 but still its gonna be good and i hope it#happens soon and i have to MAKE that happen. so yeah.#wishlist#delete later#ok now im done for real THJS time lol. my mom is gonna be so pissed at me ive barely lifted a finger here. but im enjoying the quiet what ca#can i say!!!!!!!! like OMG ok last thi ng…. like she’s always saying i have to love myself first before i get into a relationship and it’s l#like.. maybe my living conditions do not predispose me to be able to spend time w myself in ways that allow me to love myself!!!!!!#maybe always being on the defense and needing to find quiet spaces all the time and being shamed for that is not a very good way to experien#experience myself in the place im supposed to feel most grounded and comfortable!!! so yeah.#like maybe i stopped doing all the things i loved bc you got alexa and loud speakers and started blasting music all the time and dominating#space and becoming more and more high maintenance… 😳 (and obviously i changed as a person / played a role in it too but again my point / re#realization is… maybe it was in RESPONSE to stimuli that were not good for me and not just bc i suck as a person / am losing myself / etc.)#like theeeee sonic warfare of it all. also my brother is a key player in it too bc he raps and sings at the top of his lungs and it’s like 🤨
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muldersjpg · 1 year
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spiraling! at the late night posting
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lesbiankoby · 11 months
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not to place my own experiences above like my moms / the one who Actually Has Type One Diabetes (the one having constant medical emergencies) but there are just some life experiences i have that i think it took me a while to register other people didn't have like the fact that it was like a once every month or two scenario where between calling the ambulance and not calling the ambulance your parents asked you to quit doing the former unless you *really* have too so you're just trying to force your barely conscious extremely combative mother to drink a goddamned soda. or physically prevent her from trying to drive a vehicle while she was essentially extremely intoxicated and she has a good like.... 100 pounds on me and my sister at the time
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vaugarde · 11 months
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Was about to go “Hm I should make proper family headcanons for my PMD canon partners” But remembered that two of them have established history in canon already and the third is my Shinx partner who I default to “They were part of the Luxio Tribe” for. So really Chip is the only one I can just make up a family for djfjfjfng
#tbh tho explorers partner just always gave me the vibe that they are not in contact with their parents#idk why theres not exactly w ton of evidence towards that but its what ive stuck to#even when vulpix was my assigned canon partner i still put her on bad terms with her family and still gave her conflicting feelings at home#anyways. chip just lives back home with his mom and brothers#his dad is off being a famous explorer and not acknowledging that he has kids anymore. sorry chip#… why is it that despite being the youngest child that i keep giving eldest child syndrome to my characters#echoed voice#pmd posting#i dont know if ill properly design elliotts parents but obviously they were a samurott and a swoobat#dont have anything in mind for them except for maybe a postgame idea where xey meet one of them finally?#and theyve maybe improved as a person and now that their kid is an adult they want to have some kind of relationship#and elliott. gives them a chance because xey dont want to hold grudges or anything but xey don’t acknowledge them as a parent#at best they just become a shopkeeper at paradise. emolga and virizion are the ones who hold the grudge#maybe eris too but hes also just tired at that point and acknowledges that its an attempt to be better#so hes definitely more civil#psmd partner. could have had bio parents that abandoned them ig bc reincarnation but i always imagined they just spawned into existence#like already hatched and curled in the scarves#and she has carracosta so idc much abt bio parents. the important bit is that he is pops#maybe if i decide to go with a totally different team for explorers ill do something different but idk djfjfjf#im half tempted to use the new starter rom i downloaded and use sprigatito and popplio tbh djdjfjfjfjf#but i also like playing it physically on my 3ds#and idk how to put romhacks on a physicsl cartridge#physical
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prettyboysmlm · 1 year
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wish i’d stop being left out of things.
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bennitastisch · 1 year
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i wish i could fuck my parents up in the same way they fucked me up
#i wanna tell my dad that my mom cheated on him soooooooooo bad#but i also wanna see for how long my mom will continue to pay my phone bill#so i wont#but i really wanna hurt them#cause every day since they kicked me out im scared that the same thing will happen here living with the bf and his parents and im also like#100 times more scared the bf will break up with me since my parents kicked me out bc i always thoight well i know my parents dont really#support my life choices and they don’t particularly like me that much but at least they know im their child and they try to love me#and i dont know i think they still do love me but not in a way that is good for either of us#and it is only speculation by now bc we havent talked in a year#they prolly expect me to come back home like my brother did when they kicked him out#but i will never talk to them again#and i know i shouldnt care what they r up to now or how they are doing but i really really really want them to be miserable#and i know its no healthy but they hurt me so much#they did so much damage to my mental health that will take so much time amd effort and energy to buff out again that i just want them to hur#i once asked them if they kicked my brother out if they could promise me to never do that to me#and they said of course no one is going to kick me out#and then they did#and i know its stupid and im naive to have trusted them but knowing this#knowing they promised me they wouldnt kick me out and then doing it anyways#because i wasnt willing to be their little pet or doll or whatever the hell anymore it just hurts#they always wanted me to be who they wanted me to be#and as soon as i broke out of that mold they didnt like me anymore#they didnt like their own child anymore cause they couldn’t control it and i hate that i knwo that they r fucked up ppl for it and still wan#them to come crawling to my door and apologize and tell me they still love me#just so i can tell them to fuck off and close the door in their faces#i want to hurt them like they hurt me#i hate that they have that power over me#bc im not a malicious person#but i also want revenge#ben vents
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notsogeniusgirls · 1 year
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Just gonna vent in the tags don't mind me
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arthur-r · 1 year
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i went to sleep an hour ago but i can’t actually fall asleep for some terrible mixture of anxiety and caffeine and being scheduled wrong from all of the winter break sleeping incorrectly compared to school. anyway i have a stomachache (anxiety variety) scary high heart rate (anxiety variety? caffeine variety? just my heart being stupid as usual? probably all of the above) and also terrified of living with my dad for the next week. and i was drinking a caffeinated beverage past 5 pm today because. i was really stupid and let that happen without thinking about it. so there are so many things getting in between me and a good nights sleep to get to school in the morning. doesn’t help that i’m stressed about school itself too or that my irl friends are constantly hanging out like literally all of them i try not to be offended if like tara and elanor hang out together without me cause everybody is allowed to have smaller on their own engagements but it’s like literally every friend i have!! like i have maybe fifteen friends total in my school and there was like ten of them were all ice skating together on new years and went to a play together and did all of these things that i wish i were invited for. and so i’m stressed about a lot of things at once and it’s no good
#anyway in other news i’m making a bigger endeavor drawing than i’ve done in a long time and it’s not very well shaped but im really proud of#the details and like the way that im doing it even if it doesn’t look good altogether im proud of the textures and everything#i haven’t done anything that wasn’t just a sketch in a long time so i never just work on textures and im proud of myself so far#however it was supposed to be a four part thing that im supposed to finish in four days. while also doing homework. so#i don’t think it’s going to be possible to do all that with such a detail oriented approach shdhdf#i’ll try my best though!! and if i’m late i’m late. nobody really expects anything out of me in an art front which is pretty nice i guess#but it’s mostly because i’m not very good and don’t practice enough. shdhdhdf#but like i said i am actually proud of this picture!! i’m just scared that it’s secretly terrible. classic way to feel really#but anyway i hyperfocused on that for two hours which is like. haven’t done that since like before school started#and so now i’m in a really weird headspace. and yeah. waking up in seven hours#this is so stupid i really wish i could just be asleep right now regular but it’s not happening#and i have a terrible stomachache that i don’t think is going to go away until it’s my mom’s turn to raise us again#and like. i don’t even like getting parented by my mom!! she’s made me cry multiple times per day all week actually!!#but at least i don’t think she’s going to get drunk and throw things or hurt my little sister or break something important to me#and that’s kind of what i’m constantly living in fear of currently. my dad is physically scarier and more dangerous. so i’m anxious. a lot#anyway i keep having nightmares and i hate it i wish anything would just go right for once. i should probably try to sleep again it’s just#it’s not working and i just wish i could fix it but i can’t. i really would like a hug and to be somewhere else#anyway i’m going to try again i guess probably. but i’m just so frustrated and i wish anything could be different offline#like i’m so lucky to have the friends i do in wext and my mutuals here but. if i can’t see you in real life my life is still kind of#objectively bad. like i cant really figure anything out that i have going for me irl. band?? i don’t even know. so yeah. it’s just not great#and i would like to feel better but i don’t. sorry for venting. goodnight!!#me. my post. mine.#vent cw#abuse cw#alcohol cw#ask to tag!!#delete later
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713-4th-ward-g · 2 years
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#sigh#i don't think im ever going to get over losing two close friends...#i can't believe im going through this again..#Edward if only you were alive and not me.. you would have accomplished so much more than i have in these 17 years since you died#i still can't believe i lost my best friend at 10 years old and now i lost two close close friends again...#so much of me just wants to quit.. i have done nothing to build a future with and i know im not close to anyone#everyone of my friends have closer friends... im just here I'm only living for my parents right now#i can't fathom the pain they'll be in I already attempted before and failed and they have no clue of it that was in 2018...#and now its 2022 an ive lost such great friends again i wish i had the bravery to try again but i can't stop seeing my moms face man fuck#im such a failure of a son of a student and as a friend... i dont deserve to have good things...#I've been stuck like this for years this is all my doing and now im turning 27 and im still not doing anything with my life#i don't think i can take this much longer#i really feel my thoughts getting the better of me and im afraid of what ima do to myself in the future...#whats wrong with me i used to be such a happy cheerful person with always something quirky to say...#and now im just this lonely slob of nothingness that deserve nothing#im wearing myself out with these negative thoughts... i stopped taking my anti depression pills cause i want control of myself not sum pill#i still feel like yall are still here and we can just chill and smoke again#i wish i could be better and do better.. i just want to matter.. i want to feel seen and not forgotten of..#im just a small note stamp in peoples pages left to be seen peripherally and skipped over i am nothing of use i bring nothing to anyone#i just wish i could die already i wish i could skip to my future death and leave this all behind.. i don't want to die before my parents..#i can't bear to have my mom cry over me.. i was never good at anything other than being sad and lonely.. whats wrong with me#i just want to be loved to feel seen to feel wanted and not something they can just easily dismiss... i dont care about being a priority#i just want to matter and bring something positive to someone im never a good influence.. im such a horrible person...
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be-good-to-bugs · 5 days
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WOW i am way overemotional lately
#the bin#makes sense since im suddenly living with my mom and 4 different siblings after almost 2 years#and everything here is extremely different. ive been SO overemotional the past few days especially. but ive also been sick so ofc i have#bleh. im aglad that it doenst bleed into my behavior around people much. esp with irl stuff#i still treat my siblings nicely and dont like. flip out for no reason. i have 1 useful skill and its this lol#but itss good i have it because i am pretty much always an emotional wreck bc ny life sucks and has sucked for its entirety#i dont think its ever not sucked. like even when i was a baby. i dont remember being a baby but i do know that when i was a baby my parents#neglected me so. i guess my kufe has just always been bad. but hey. at least im still nice to other people. unlike literally everyone else#i know who when tehyre in a bad mood they go SO mean. but in (most) of their defense they are traumatized children so like. fair enough#ur going through it and we all process stuff different. i bet its nice to have a brain that feels safe to express that stuff haha#i think abt how awful i always feel and how hard doing anything is a lot and i relaly think that if i had friends things would be ok for me#i cant helo that im psychotic or that i have a bunch of physically painful disabilities or any of that but i think i coupd deal with it all#and feel ok if i just had like. any person who i was friends with. i dont have anyone at all and i havent for a long time. no wonder i feel#like shit 100% of the time and im constantly overwhelmed and upset and panicing and all my mental illnesses are unbearable#like. no wonder i have wanted to die nonstop since the age of 11. yeah no shit. everything has been fucking horrible thus far and i dont#have any freinds that make being alive worth it#someone should give me a good peize for not being dead right now bc god. evwry second of every day that im awake its so hard#lol no wonder i immediately developed a drug addiction. hey man its better than being so miserable you wanna die literally all the time#at least there SOMETHING that turns it off for awhile. hate when people act like addiction is the worst thing in the world#maybe the thing people develop addictions to cope with is worse actually. and that needs solved first or else whats the point#oh but my opinion doenst matter apparently bc im just a cRaZy DeLuSiOnAl AdDiCt and my opinion cant be trusted#bleh. whatever. at least i have my tumblr posts that are veey rareky even seen by other people to scream into the void whatever im upset abt#thats almost like talking to another person
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