#but isolation is such a basic part of fear in general

[navree]

the magnus protocol getting a mini hiatus means that my mind is trying to overcompensate by going back to brainrot mode and i am therefore once again back on my "the lukas family is probably one of the most powerful groups of people in that entire universe" bullshit

[sp00pypumpkins]

This is how I feel Zero would met player HAHHA, they werent prepared to face an adult human per se XD.

Au belongs to @asamary!

I am going to rant a bit about it under the cut.

He uses they/he pronouns

He is slightly smaller than catnap

So Zero was just in a intership for a short period before he found the truth and wanted to out it but they got him and turn him into a toy! When he found the truth he met the prototype but his fascination of gadgets and mechanism was stronger than feeling fear XD

He can produce energy via his emotions and on his own will if he is in good shape, he met the critters soon after, he was in charge of the time for movies or shows and story telling. His knowledge in mechanism made him be able to have more dinamic storytelling using tricks with lights and such.

Zero then loses their temper electrocuting a scientist not on purpose trying to stop them for taking more kids, in wich the scientist take notice and take him to the labs in wich he got experimented more and amplifying his production of electricity.

He then kept being experimented while being plugged to the facility providing electricity to a portion of it. He became a living generator.

The prototype then offered them to be part of the hour of joy by the promise of revenge and freedom and no more pain, he accepted and shut the facility down from electricity and closed the doors from many places trapping everyone inside.

Now this is where the the au and canon takes different paths

Since in canon Zero gets deceived by the Prototype and was kept as a generator for the prototype (basically he will still be used as a generator by the prototype) the prototype would carve a mouth in the shape of a smile on Zero so he can feed. Zero dislikes him after being betrayed.

In the au since the prototype just killed the scientists and the bad people, Zero is very loyal to the prototype and helps them finding the more bad people by hacking security cameras or websites, but he stays in the town most of the time.

In the au Zero lives in the basement of the aparment the critters live in (if they are in a building and not just a singular house lmao) He produces the energy of a portion of the city, if he doesnt their electricity would go hirewire, he just plugs himself at night and acumulates the electricity in the generators.

If there is a storm and ther ei s apower outage he can easily feed the building, you just need to wake him up and tell him about it.

Zero has 6 minicritters of themselfves in wich some are patrolling and some are around him, they are like security cameras in a way

They go around fixing a lot of stuff around town specially electronics,

He likes to create gadgets, toys or artwork from metal, thats why he would go to the dupmster zone to search for parts and bring them home, they find admiration how the prototype can dissamble an object to create another so he looks up to the prototype like a teacher.

He is usually in the background doing mundane fixes there and there, because he was isolated and the only contact was when they experimented on him, he gets veyr anxious around adult humans but with time you can see he is just a silly guy who adores affection he just doesnt know how to handle it yet.

I like to think they are the guy whom people go when something gets broken or need assitance with.

I really couldnt stop thinkning about the au, its 2 am but I probs forgot things.

If ya dont mind I shall keep doing lil comics about this au with my oc in it qwq

Now just a wip of a future ref I am making

Some fun facts:

He dislikes being touched in the back

The Prototype helped zero gain a mouth and get unplugged from the cables since it was a tedious and careful task.

The minicriters have different shapes (i forgot to put the x body marks on the square anthena minicrtitter :()

Simple shape on anthena= complex shape on body and vice versa.

He can speak human language very soflty but it feels off for him specially if he talks for to long it starts to hurt. (He normally talks in gibberish like puppycat from the show :D)

The stronger the emotion the more energy he can produce

If there are tvs plug on them or he touches them, he can comunicate with those using memories and replicating the voice from that memory (is like doing a collage of different voices and images in a tv) he can also project their dreams on tvs

He is very light

The scarf/coat is attached to them like part of their body.

They are protective of their friends he isnt very strong but will fight for them

He gets sometimes ghost pains in their back, the scale of pain depends of the day

ANYWAYS thats it me thinks I shall make lil comics about all the facts and other stuff other times qwq

If u read everything, thank you and hello! Hope u have a good day :D

Also sorry about the grammar and writting english is not first language and its 2 am HAHAHA

They have a hard time hidding how they really feel because the color their anthena, eyes and stars may change by how he feels

He tries to always stay calm and with right composure but he is actually very emotional, he just had learn how to manage the emotions

[starsworldd]

𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙥𝙩. 4

take with a grain of salt and only take what resonates

✰ a year in which you have uranus in the 𝟪th house could indicate a life-changing + unforgettable year

✰ lilith in the 𝟣𝟤th house shows obsession with fantasies/spirituality and things that lead you off track. also lack of sleep!

✰ 𝟣𝟤th house ruler in the 𝟪th could indicate lack of sleep or trouble sleeping for that year

✰ having solar return part of fortune conjunct the natal ascendant could mean having something really lucky/fortunate happening to you especially money wise (does not always have to correlate to money though, also general happiness)

✰ wherever your solar return mc falls in your natal chart shows what your responsibilities may consist of:

solar return mc in natal 7th = working with somebody else in order to accomplish your goals/responsibilities for that year

solar return mc in natal 2nd = goals/responsibilities may have to do with reorganizing your personal values/possessions/money/self-worth etc…

solar return mc in natal 5th = you may be able to display your creativity on a more public level this year

✰ asteroid fama (𝟦𝟢𝟪) in the 𝟣𝟣th is a fame indicator

✰ solar return vertex in the 𝟪th/scorpio (sometimes 𝟫th as well) can also show a life-changing year

✰ asteroid mony (𝟩𝟩𝟪𝟤) in solar return (sr) 𝟣st house shows that you may be more ambitious and may do side hustles to get more $$

✰ but in my opinion asteroid mony doesn’t only speak to the actual money it can also show where we are finding future opportunities to make $$ for that year as well

✰ lilith opposite mc in sr can show some mental health struggles for that year

✰ check to see where sr vertex falls in your natal:

12th = themes of isolation/mental health/creativity/spirituality are more present

2nd = managing finances/self-worth/skills and basically getting yourself together

7th = enemies/friends/one-on-one situations/business impact that year ahead

✰ sr lilith conjunct neptune can also show mental health struggles but emphasis on fears and anxiety

✰ sr moon in the 𝟫th indicates chnages in your philosophy

✰ a year in which you have your sr rising in your natal 𝟤nd house could mean that you are preparing for something long term for that year

✰ years in which you have sr rising in angular houses are action-oriented, it’s almost more in-your-face and this-is-it type of energy if that makes sense

✰ ive noticed that people usually have neptune in the 𝟨th house when they’ve dropped or taken a break from school?

✰ asteroid academia (𝟪𝟤𝟫) in the 𝟦th is indicative of an emotional year (especially in scorpio), you are exploring your feelings more deeply and learning how to nurture yourself better

✰ mc/𝟣𝟢th house ruler in 𝟥rd can mean a lot of activity on social media

✰ sr vertex conjunct natal mercury or visa versa can indicate making connections that change your life trajectory

✰ sr vertex at the 𝟤𝟤nd degree could mean a very busy but also kind of mentally exhausting year

friendly reminder that i have solar return (and other readings) available as of right now :)

hope you enjoyed!

[whimsicalpoet44]

Cycle Breaker Placements

Placements I see in charts that indicate someone is here to work through generational trauma and promote healing. These placements can be really tough, but offer a really unique perspective of the world.

They can also reap the most benefits once they work through their lessons.

Biggest indicators are 4th house, 8th house, 12th house, Scorpio, Capricorn, and Aries placements. Also big emphasis on harsh aspects related to Pluto/Mars/Moon/Saturn/Sun. But these are one that stick out to me the most.

✨Pluto in the 12th House. This placement indicates a lot of childhood trauma. When I see someone with this placement, I know they've been through it. I have instant respect for them. Most individuals with this placement don't realize their own inner power. It's hidden in their subconscious underneath years of memories where they were told that they were powerless. They are SO powerful and they don't even realize it. Especially if their Pluto is in Scorpio, but this applies to all 12th House Plutos. Once they recognize their own power, they're literally unstoppable.

✨Chiron in Gemini/3rd House. These individuals have a fear of being seen. They struggle to use their voice and speak their truth. Their path is usually the road less traveled, and it can feel isolating at times. They might have felt like their opinions never mattered in childhood and struggle with a need to be understood. Once they use their voice, they can affect powerful change to those around them.

✨Lilith in Cancer/Lilith 4th House. This placement indicates that the person will be working through generational trauma related to the mother or the maternal side of the family. Emotional needs are likely not met in childhood, which causes the person to have trouble accepting/asking help from others. But they also can't completely help themselves. Nurturing their emotions helps them unlock all the power of Lilith.

✨Saturn Conjunct Moon. Saturn and the Moon have opposing energies. The Moon is nurturing. Saturn is the disciplinarian. Often times, it can also be interpreted to represent the Mother (Moon) and the Father (Saturn). The paternal figure might've been absent or ill. The maternal figure could've been stressed and emotionally reactive. Someone with this aspect basically has to become their own parent. They're forced to learn emotional regulation, self-respect, and self-love. It teaches them that they have value and they likely break a lot of toxic cycles during self-growth.

✨Mars in a fire sign + in the 4th House. Inheriting a parent's reactive nature is likely with this placement. At least this is what I've noticed when I've interpreted charts. Fire signs are quick to act and they are sometimes viewed as impulsive. With a fire Mars in the 4th House, they'll be forced to confront their explosive anger. If not, they can repeat toxic generational cycles. Their parents were likely aggressive and threatened their safety in the home. This is a REALLY tough placement.

✨Chiron in the 5th House. Inner child wounds are prevalent here. The individual's self-expression is limited or repressed, likely due wounds from a parent or caretaker in childhood. They hide the important parts of themselves and have a really hard time being vulnerable with anyone, including themselves. Embracing creativity and accepting themselves is how they heal. In the process, they break negative generational cycles.

✨Capricorn Moon. These individuals had a lot of expectations placed on them in childhood. They might have been forced to step up in their childhood and could've been more of a parent than their actual parents, raising themselves and/or siblings. They're seen as the responsible ones, and might have faded into the background, causing their needs to go unmet. Their caretakers could've put work before play, causing these individuals to adopt the same approach. They must learn how to be vulnerable and experience joy with others.

✨Venus in Scorpio (Bonus points if it's in retrograde). Trauma related to a person's sense of self-worth is common. They might have low self-esteem or struggle to navigate relationships. There's a possibility that your caretakers relationship was volatile, leaving them to be afraid of intimacy (i.e. Divorce). There could be possessiveness or jealousy in romantic relationships as well. Even obsessiveness. Finding a way to balance these energies and re-shape how they define relationships helps. They also undergo the most transformation in romantic relationships.

✨Moon Square Mercury. Emotions were not safe to express in childhood. They might have problems making decisions, constantly warring between their mind and their heart. They could lean onto old belief systems or coping skills, even when they know it doesn't work. After a while, they'll be forced to change their approach on how they deal with their emotions. Thus, breaking toxic cycles learned in childhood.

✨Saturn in the 12th House. Wounds here could be attributed to past life trauma, but it's usually agitated in childhood. These individuals are really hard on themselves and believe they don't deserve anything good in life. There's potential for memory suppression and a tendency to disassociate. Absent paternal figures are common with this placement. When they prioritize their mental health and work towards healing, they break generational curses.

✨Aquarius Placements. These individuals are often tasked with pursuing their own path and deviating from the "norm." Therefore, they struggle with trauma in childhood. They might have been bullied for their unique interests. They could be the family outcast. Whatever it is, they take their own path. They might break familial expectations that had been adhered to for generations. Therefore, breaking the cycle.

✨Pluto in Scorpio. Generationally, this is the one. Being mostly raised by boomer parents, they pulled the rug out from underneath their parents, calling out toxicity. They likely trigger their parents without even trying. They hold up a mirror, highlighting what their parents could've been if they had broken the cycle.

✨Sagittarius Mercury. They can't help it. They word vomit their observations. A lot of the times, it could be done with innocent intention. However, being catalysts for chaos, they open boxes that their families have tried desperately to keep shut. They are brutally honest and care fiercely about discovering the truth. Sometimes, they intentionally cause chaos for change. Letting little bits of information or truth slip, they can have their family in uproar and questioning their entire existence. They're the voice of truth. And their family can't escape it. And they might hate them for it. But they just can't help it. It comes out of their mouth before they have the chance to think about it. (12th House Sag Mercury individuals might have a different presentation/experience of this placement).

✨Pisces Moon/Rising. These individuals can have challenging relationships with their mothers or maternal figures. They typically lack boundaries and experience pretty intense people pleasing behaviors. They're also very different from the rest of their family, usually. They'll be put in situations by the universe to craft their own identity and stand up for themselves. They can be the first to educate themselves on boundaries and actually implement them.

✨8th House Suns. They are often used by the universe for change and upheaval. 8th House Suns don't always have to do something for this to happen. Their very existence can be triggering to others. This is because they are usually showcasing their best qualities by simply being themselves. This causes others to feel insecure, because they begin to recognize the qualities they lack inside of themselves. So, 8th House Suns end up becoming the family scapegoat. If you're an 8th house Sun, just remember that it isn't you. It's someone projecting their own problems onto you. There's power there if you know how to use it.

✨Neptune/Uranus in the 1st House. These individuals often have an air of mystery surrounding them. No one can really figure them out. So they end up having others project their assumptions about their character onto them. This is another placement where their very existence is troubling to others. Because they become a sounding board for others' insecurities.

I'll do more of these later and make this a series!

[amyintherapy]

Things I've Learned in 18 months of therapy

When people repeat the same patterns of behavior that are more negative than positive, it's usually trauma related. Examples: Your sister who has dated 15 different men who all are emotionally unavailable, short-fused guys who don't respect her. Or your aunt who has gotten into severe debt several times in her life, always buying items she doesn't need. Or your friend who has always befriended people who are not disabled but don't work and chronically need 'favors' so they end up allowing people to mooch off them to the point of it harming their own financial security. Basically anytime you find yourself frustrated and wondering 'why do they always DO that?" or "why don't they just do X instead? They always do Y which just makes things worse..." the answer likely is, they have trauma related to this issue, and/or their behavior is related to their trauma response that they are stuck in. Of course, this is true for you also! If you keep reacting to certain situations in a way you dislike, or going back to a coping method that you see as harmful and can't figure out why you can't stop...it's probably trauma related in some way.

Part of being traumatized involves your brain trying to hide the trauma from you..at least most of it, if not all of it. My therapist has used the example of a piece of paper that is standing upright. You might see the fine edge of the paper, so you sometimes know a piece of paper is in front of you, but you can only see the edge, so when that paper finally gets turned so that it's facing you and you can read everything written on it, it kinda knocks you over and you feel like you should have known all of that all along...after all, the paper was right there. But you couldn't read it before, and you didn't even know there was all that writing on it anyway so you didn't realize such a big piece of your puzzle was missing. In other cases, the paper may be more like...trapped in a book, so it was always there, but you had no idea it was as you thought it was just part of the book, not this hand-written note hidden inside. So anyway, it's very normal to feel shocked at how lacking in awareness you were about the full impact or detail of your trauma once you get on a roll with therapy. I always knew I had trauma, and I've always been a self-reflective person...so I thought I was self aware of my trauma. But I've been surprised at how much I was failing to see fully.

ADHD is stupidly named. Having ADHD doesn't mean you have a deficit of attention. It means you can't control (aka regulate) your attention the way most people can. Tons of people with ADHD would tell you that they feel like they have too much attention. They are interested in ALL the things which is why they struggle to keep their focus on one thing while blocking out everything else going on around them. The things you do that cause you problems, were things you originally did to protect yourself. For example, maybe your addiction started because you were reaching for emotional relief and had no other (healthier) way to make yourself feel better. Or maybe you shut down and isolate when you're hurt, because when you tried reaching out for support as a child it just made things worse because your caregiver was reactive instead of supportive. Endless examples, but people do things for a reason. Your coping methods have a logical cause of some kind or another, even if they do more harm than good now, that wasn't always the case. At one time, they helped you cope with or avoid some bigger pain or problem. Depression and anxiety are both forms of avoiding other feelings. Much of general society knows the concept that "anger is a secondary emotion" (which is only sometimes true, it's also a core emotion) but I didn't know this was true of anxiety and depression. They're always secondary emotions. However, it's important to differentiate between sadness and depression, and fear and depression. Fear and sadness/grief are core emotions, but anxiety and depression are secondary. The fact that I am detail-focused and couldn't be concise if my life depended on it, are both ADHD related for me. Social anxiety is usually attachment trauma aka an insecure attachment. Anxiety and depression are often caused by trauma. I wish I knew this earlier. I spent a lot of time thinking of my anxiety was simply genetic or sort of temperament based and therefore unlikely to be healed or fixed. I don't mean to suggest that genetics or temperment isn't some element but...I can't help but wonder how many people are like me and don't realize they could heal a lot of their anxiety or depression by doing trauma work. I'm definitely still an anxious person, but I've seen a really big improvement in my anxiety. More than I thought was possible two years ago. Most kids and teenagers are avoidant in therapy, so they don't usually see as much progress from the experience, at least compared to adults. It's often a rather slow process to see improvement. However, it's still really helpful in the longrun if they have a positive experience with therapy as a teen, they're likely to try again as an adult when they're really ready to face their issues. Online, I've seen child therapists outright say that their #1 goal with kids in therapy is to make them think of therapy positively so they'll come back to therapy when they're older! I saw some progress in therapy as a teen for sure, but the 4+ years of it resulted in roughly as much (if not less?) progress than I've seen in 18 months of therapy as an adult. Apparently that's quite common. Talking about trauma feels awful, and it often makes me leave trauma-related therapy appointments wondering if there is any point or if i'm just making myself sad. A "okay, I understand this issue I have now was caused by XYZ experience from my past...but wtf do I DO about it? I understand it now, but I still have no clue how to fix it?" type of feeling. This is the result of being too close to the current day to see the full picture. Over the course of time, the benefits and healing always become apparent to me.

People who get angry often are sort of the opposite of me. I default to feeling anxious when I "should" feel angry (like when someone is rude to me), and sometimes also when I 'should' be sad. Most people who experience chronic anger are simply people who are converting their fear and/or sadness into anger. It's sometimes the difference between being an internalize and an externalize. Anger is an external emotion, fear/anxiety is an internal one. So if you struggle to externalize, you'll convert anger to sadness or fear, and if you struggle to internalize you'll convert sadness and fear to anger.

My "small t" traumas - like emotional neglect, are at least as impactful as my "big T" trauma (sexual abuse) was.

Sensory issues are common in ADHD, not just autism even though the content online often makes it seem exclusive to ASD.

I am probably forgetting a lot, but if I don't publish this now I never will. So if I think of more later, I'll just add on. :)

[techramonic]

Anger is Humanity: An Analysis on Andre Kriegman

Disclaimer: This analysis is limited only to commentary and analysis as a means to reflect and understand the characters and the internal and external factors that affect their decisions and actions, this is true rationality. Just like all of my posts, I am detached from the media I write about and solely focus on the characters to understand their backgrounds and psychology, for others to gain insight. There is no room for me to romanticize anything I write because I am only here to explain in my understanding. Thank you.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

There are five stages of grief—yet some find themselves perpetually stuck and fixated on the second. It is a never-ending loop due to the fear of experiencing discomfort once the light is found; it is the fear of change, the bargaining of reality, the depression in the recurrence, and the acceptance that misfortune runs in your veins. One is not born with misfortune but rather handed with it.

THE SUPEREGO. A concept based on the Freudian principles of psychoanalysis, which generally develops through the internalization of values and norms given by primary groups (family and society). If members of these groups are either overly strict and abusive or lacking guidance, poor superego is molded. The superego controls the id's basic desires by using the ego, relying on internalized moral ideals. If the superego is underdeveloped, then there is an impairment in moral reasoning and the ability to distinguish what is morally just and unjust.  Furthermore, factors such as abusive environments also play a role in hindering normal superego development. Negative consequences are also brought by exposure to violence or alienation.

With this, we view Andre Kriegman in a new light. 

His behavior might be the result of an imbalance where his id's destructive desires aren't properly controlled by a strong superego. Freud has also noted various defense mechanisms the ego uses to handle conflicts between the id, superego, and external reality. If Andre's superego isn't functioning well, he might depend on unhealthy defense mechanisms like projection and blaming others for his indecent thoughts or rationalization by justifying his harmful behavior with logical reasoning.

Anger does not come from evil, but it comes from the mistreatment you receive.

It is the pain inflicted on you, the misfortune that leads you to believe that there is no possibility of ever finding the room to grow and move on. The reason why Andre is so fixated on hatred and anger is that it is a defense mechanism born out of the tragic reality that he has been and is hurt. It is the trauma response that begs to cling on you because you fear that in change, more misfortune will arise.

Anger—that is Andre Kriegman. In a world where you have constantly been alienated, you feel less human. You are not perceived, therefore, you do not exist. You are stripped away from whatever humanity you have, because to be a human, you must exist. You are a mere entity, an omnipresent being that is everywhere yet nowhere, all at once. Forced to watch a crowd interact, fearing and knowing you are so easy to be disregarded. You try to imitate them when interacting to be deemed more human, yet alas, all subside suddenly when you are deemed as a deviant. You are isolated, believed to be nothing, and therefore, gone. 

Anger sprouts from injustice. This is the rationality in anger—even how disproportionate it feels, like how Andre feels his anger. It is rooted in the lack of good treatment. The hate you feel is disproportionate as if your body begs to regurgitate all the hate you have and project it to anyone else—your family, your peers, and even yourself. You have this strong want to let others feel the pain you feel and bear, simply because this is the part of you that yearns and begs to be seen. To be understood, to be empathized with, to feel human, to be human.

To be treated as you should've been treated—well.

Anger is human. It is a part of humanity itself. Yet, as true as it can be, you can never heal with the same thing that caused it. Pain does not heal pain and anger does not heal anger, that is reality.

Andre Kriegman is anger, he is a reflection of humanity itself and the humanity he was shown. Humanity is anger.

[cripplecharacters]

Salutations! I’m in the process of creating a story wherein both characters are missing an eye. One has a prosthetic, but is presently isolating themself in the woods, and wears an eyepatch to protect the eye while alone; the other’s socket is either empty, or they have a glass eye with no actual details (iris, pupil, etc.). I’ve struggled to find references for the latter, and fear it may come off as unrealistic. I understand prosthetic eyes keep the eyelid from collapsing, but aside from that could a person just not wear one? If these options are unrealistic, please let me know. I can supply you with concept art if need be.

The story itself centers around these characters after one of them finds the other by accident. They’re painted as foils—the one hiding out in the cabin adhering to a self-made sense of logic that centers on cycles and confirmation bias, while the only who takes refuge there after running away is deeply paranoid and prone to hallucinations. The first character is missing their left eye; the other their right. I don’t want to make a symbol of their disabilities, but I feel their designs simultaneously stress their opposing perspectives, as well as the fact they paradoxically still manage to see “eye-to-eye.” Their visual impairment is just one of many ways they’re able to connect across the story, as they also bond over their obscure passions and delusions, and respect each other’s warped worldview to such an extent said worldviews start to blur together. In addition to this, the story places an emphasis upon an entity known as the “ocellus,” which is basically the “false eye” you see on moth wings. In my outline so far, it’s the name of a mysterious band which the pair discover in a record collection, and resolve to solve the mystery of (regarding the members, music, etc.) One of the characters also sleeps with an eye mask with the pattern of moth wings and their respective ocelli overlaying their own eyes; their paranoid counterpart also sees eyes in the trees and wood of the cabin.

Absolutely none of this is set in stone; before it is, I just want to know how much of it is fine, which parts “moralize” or make a symbol of a disability, and what is straight-up ableist. Please let me know if you need more details.

Hi!

The prosthetic eye has two main functions: 1) to keep the eye area stay in shape, 2) to protect the socket. Both of these can be achieved by conformers (it's like a big contact, except it goes into the socket and not on the eye) which I talked about here!

A blank prosthetic eye would probably be fine. The process of getting it custom painted is expensive from what I know, and IRL a lot of people will decide on the generic kind rather than a custom. If in your world the generic happens to be a blank, there's no problems I can think of? Potentially, you could explicitly say that it's not how most prosthetic eyes look like (maybe someone else knows a person with an eye prosthetic and they comment that it's unusual?). You mentioned that the character doesn't have it in all the time, so I don't think the trope of "blind character has blank/white/milky eyes" applies here because it's clear that it's a prosthetic.

A person could decide to go bare, but the sensation of blinking could be uncomfortable, and they would need to clean their socket more to get rid of anything that could get inside. Normal saline could be used for that.

I don't think there's an issue in them missing different eyes at all. If you want to make sure it's not giving "Just Magic Symbolism" energy then you could incorporate some boring everyday things that would make sense. If they go somewhere together, they could decide to walk missing eye-to-missing eye, so that they see what's going on the sides rather than in the middle, things like that. It could make it feel more grounded, so to speak.

I don't see any issues with the moth fake-eyes symbolism either, I think it makes sense for the story you're trying to tell.

If you want to be very safe, I would have a character (can be minor, or background) that's also missing eye(s) that's not connected to any of the potential symbolism and is more of an average Joe of Not Having an Eye.

In case you decide to get into that, it would be nice for them to have different causes of why they don't have eyes. It feels like in fiction it's always physical trauma, but there's a whole more that could cause someone to not have an eye;

anophthalmia,

retinoblastoma,

severe eye infection,

elective enucleation (removal) of an already blind/painful eye,

just to give you a few ideas! Giving them "boring" everyday reasons of eye loss will also make it feel less symbolic and more like a regular disability. Think "dramatic swordfight with Huge Meaning" vs "yeah I had cancer in my eye when I was 2".

I hope that this helps; if you have any further details you'd like to ask about feel free to send another ask!

mod Sasza

[zvezdacito]

// TWST Book 7 spoilers, thoughts of Malleus's writing as a character

So I was reading some other people's opinions on why some people consider Malleus overrated/annoying, and tbh this makes me really sad. The general consensus is that a lot of people fixate on certain sides and can only see him as one extreme or the other and it results in many ppl thinking a watered down version of his character is how he is in canon.

I feel that its such a shame because he's the most interesting, compelling and well-rounded take on his character archetype I've seen.

From my observation, usually they kinda make this archetype (the broody misunderstood 'everyone fears him like a monster except for one special person') someone you can't take that seriously, because of how his struggle usually kind of written in a way where everyone involved feel less like actual fully fledged original characters and really just one note tropes interacting with other one note tropes.

To elaborate: What i mean when i say this is usually ppl who hate him kind of just do because of plot requires them to and to show how all their haters are "normies" who can't get him because 'he's not like everyone else'. The misunderstood guy still usually has toxic personality issues but the story really tends to make it feel like they don't fear him for that but because they're shallow and have prejudice to ppl like him, so his personality issues are not framed as wrong or character flaws.

I don't think there's anything inherenrly wrong or mediocre with the "one special person who gives him a chance before anyone else" trope like I'm literally a Malleyuu enjoyer lol but like i said its all in the execution cause otherwise it fails to be compelling and believable. Usually in the poorly written version of this trope the guy doesn't undergo any character development other than showing more emotion and kindess to his partner because they melted his ice I guess so it really makes his whole character feel like its revolves around the sake of romance and fanservice.

Malleus doesn't fall into this trap in my opinion because his situation despite how fantastical it is, the way he was written makes it believable as to why everything is the way it is with him, and it also challenges the viewer if they would be able to say they wouldn't fear him too in that situation.

"We're gonna give you this character who everyone sees as a monster and show you deep down he just wants the same love as everyone else, making you contemplate changing judgement on him. He wants to prove this, but his way of going about it always inadvertently harms others."

"You know where hes coming from and if he had that social connection to give him a better understanding of others this wouldn't be happening, but its also equally understandable that the people hes trying to connect with don't deserve this and fear him even more after this, trapping him in a cycle of isolation."

"Given his track record, do you go about giving him a chance or just considering the repeatedly proven danger he brings. With the valid reasons of both parties, can you really say he isn't a monster and demand that 'if only people be near him'?"

There's just such a tragic and thought-provoking dilemma to his character that adds so many layers that makes him so good.

As omniscient viewers we have the benefit of seeing what he's going through form his POV so we can sympathize with him and understand that he thinks what he's doing is the best course of action and he's just trying to create a "win for everyone" situation.

But also everything he does ironically reaffirms everyone's fear and distrust of someone like him. No one can deny he has a tendency to cause further destruction when he tries to do something "good", examples including: past Briar Valley lantern lighting fire, the Halloween 2 ghost world party, and now his Sleeping Curse stunt in Book 7 Part 2 (they really emphasize this by making the spoken name of his UM basically mean "Malicious Fairy" but have its written name used to convey what its meant to mean be "Blessing").

↑ Given this, it honestly makes sense others, especially those who don't know him all that well, would just expect the worst when he's around already, and you wouldn't be able to blame them for that given the track record. It doesn't help that this impression is worsened since he tends to cause misunderstandings due to his lack of familiarity with human social cues.

Alongside the bias and preconceived notions from his status and reputation, they also make a point on how his personality flaws are still also a huge factor in pushing people away, such as not being able to see things through the perspective of others.

He also holds a subconcious belief due to what has been ingrained in him since childhood as a Draconia and the next in line that because he's superior to others at certain things, he has the right and responsibility to decide on what will protect and help them, disregarding the individual values/priorities of human beings and leading him to take reckless and destructive action with good intentions.

His upbringing, character strengths and character flaws are all realistically connected to each other and the way they are subtly shown to be ever-present in defining his decisions, goals and thoughts throughout the whole story. So we don't really need to have a character go out of their way to exposition this to us this word for word just so we can understand and believe it.

Moving onto something slightly more lighthearted, I really also like how dorky Malleus surprisingly was. Other similar characters in the archetype I usually see don't really have any hobbies, interests, or quirks outside of being a broody authority figure, which might've been appealing to some at first but it really just gets stale and boring after a while.

This should be the bare minimum in making a fleshed out and interesting character so maybe i sound like im giving them too much credit for pointing it out😭 But yeah compared to the other examples it's good that Malleus has his Tamagotchi and Gargoyle interests it makes him feel like a believable person who has his own life going on too (with the bonus that these interests are also metaphors for aspects of his character). The gap moe adds an endearing side to him, and makes the gap between his intent and impact of his actions even more tragic. It wouldn't hit the same without this side.

(^ Forgot how the exact quote goes, but it basically said dark stories are more effective when there are moments of genuine happiness and good in them, compared to if it was always just grim and edgy. The former increases the stakes and tragedy because you have something you to care about losing, while for the latter there is nothing for you to care about so nothing the story does really matters. Same logic applies to Malleus)

Overall, it's just like an unfortunate incompatibility of goals and circumstances, which is what TWST is all about. Another thing I want to say is out of all the characters, I feel like Malleus is the one who is the ultimate embodiment of TWST's main themes:

-> How it's not about "hero" vs "villain" just differing circumstances crossing paths and clashing because of how people on either side have their own complex perspective and dreams they want to realize

-> And how connection and finding community is important to find people who will help you make up for what you lack in reaching your goals and to better understand all the factors that caused the situation in the first place.

As if seeing yourself reflected in a mirror, the more you get to know the people around you, you realize in many ways you are actually quite alike, and through understanding others you could also possibly better understand certain aspects of yourself. It's sort of encouraging you to do the opposite of dehumanizing others and yourself, which is something Malleus has most evidently internalized.

So yeah this was so long😭 I had a lot I wanted to say since Malleus is my favorite TWST character. Idk if I missed anything or if i managed to express my thoughts in a cohesive way but yeah. I kinda go into a rage whenever I see the worst takes ever be put out about his character but tbh sometimes I can't completely blame others since fandom trends and the convenience of simplifying things into tropes can warp your perception of a character and what you associate with them.

Also sometimes twst doesn't do a good job with utilizing his character like Book 5 where he got turned into a deus ex machina and Halloween 2 where they killed any hype and intrigue for the plot we had at the beginning through the ending reveal and gave the worst justification ever for Malleus and Lilia's actions ever.

Regardless, I hope more people manage to move past this and appreciate his character for what it really is soon though. He's an amazingly tragic character; a lot of thought was put into how his experiences, strengths and weaknesses would convincingly connect, and he represents something relevant in the story's plot and themes.

The fact that I've seen some people unironically believe that Malleus may just be faking his cluelessness of social cues to hide his "true evil" is evidence to how convincing his character's situation is, that even some in the audience who know more about him than the characters would still end up in the same place of doubt and distrust of Malleus because of what he's capable of.

Aight thank you for reading👍

[circeyoru]

Cannot Compute _ Part 2

[Alastor x Robotic Demon!Reader]

Part 1 — Part 2 (here) — Part 3

The worst realization was when you were looking for Alastor after the battle against the exterminators

Alastor took up the task of fighting against Adam while you were to provide support to the others, according to Alastor, there was no point in putting the strongest individuals together. It just wasn’t smart when it came to a war with those angels. So you complied, as a former assassin, you weren’t rusty in any way, after Alastor’s barrier got broken by Adam, you opened your virtual reality that isolated the rest of the angels so that Charlie and Vaggie could go for Lute

You knew something was wrong when you felt Adam attempting to destroy your reality from the outside with his angelic powers. While no one could enter and exit your virtual reality because it was non-existent, one could attempt to destroy it from the outside if they knew where your general area was. Since your virtual reality was a data copy of the landscape you’re in, only technological to give you an advantage

With Charlie’s shout, you let down your virtual reality and released everyone. Confused as to why Adam was still living. Your system went overloaded as fear came to you that Alastor was gone. That gave some angels the gap they needed to tear your arms out and damage your legs to at least immobilize you, you were too much of a threat to them

When the battle was done, you searched for Alastor since everyone knew you couldn’t help much on the renovations. You had a metal pipe like a walking stick before limping on your way

Alastor was having a meltdown. He cared, was caring for those sinners in that inferno hotel! He! The Radio Demon! Said to strike fear and terror to the listeners of his broadcast! The Overlord that rose in ranks by night! How could he be weak? He had to cut off the root. No issue for Charlie and the others

But there was you. You are the one that he found entertaining at first with your gaming demon form and based powers, teenagers of the modern era. Despite the different time periods between you two, you guys clicked slowly and he enjoyed it

That was exactly the issue. He liked it. He liked you. The Radio Demon doesn’t like anyone. Attachments serve to bring him nothing but weakness and ruin. Just look at the relationship his dear mother had with his accursed father. He tortured his father after finding him in Hell, thankful that his mother was in Heaven. “Cut the ties. All that piece of metal is good for is that soul with so much power.”

You nearly wanted to shut down the moment you heard it from Alastor. You ‘unlocked’ angelic healing, basically a strong healing power, after you analysed the corpse of more than a dozen of those angels, not to mention Adam’s body. You wanted to heal Alastor after finding out he was alive

You tried convincing yourself he just needed time after his defeat. But your heart broke. You can’t take it, you needed to recover anyway, the healing only worked with body parts, not robotic parts. But who was going to fix you, never had you been injured to this degree?

Vaggie got you Carmilla Carmine’s help. She offered to remodel your figure and your unique fashion sense that matched your demonic form as a robot or artificial intelligence. She admitted she was going to experiment on you a bit as well to see how far she could make you a force to be reckoned with. Later using you as inspiration for her weapon designs. You agreed since it was advantageous for both of you

“Lady Carmine, tell me, what if the one you love, the one you were fighting for, broke your heart?” You asked before your upgrade, as you saw it. You were there when Vaggie was getting trained by Carmilla before the battle with the angels and heard her lecture on fighting for love. Yet you wonder if you can now that you learned Alastor’s true thoughts on you

“I have an inkling that you are implying something. Have you been in love? Or any form of love.” Carmilla would ask as she walked around, preparing the tools needed and the blueprint for the operation. “And you can call me Carmilla, little AI.”

“I can’t say that I did. I don’t know what love is like, I don’t know what it feels like. Is this what a broken heart feels like? I don’t like this.” Your voice glitched out as your system warned you to calm down or else risk a power outage. You controlled yourself as she watched with pity in her eyes

“There were a lot of ways to deal with heartbreaks, you can seek revenge, and/or find new love, but I think in your case. You might try something else.” Carmilla spoke, she gave you suggestions but put the ball in your court because you knew what was best for you. “Shall we begin?”

You closed your eyes preparing to shut down for a short timed duration, while Carmilla works on you, you can think of what to do in your situation. “I’ll be in your care, Carmilla.”

Note: Part 2~ One more to go! After that is Collector time

Circe Y. 

My Works: MASTERLIST

Taglist: @aconfusedwonderland @crowleysthings @donustellaron @mistpurpl3 @lucifers-silhouette @fluffy-koalala @rerarlo

[bitchliteraria1906]

Asgard royal family headcanons! (Specifically about Loki and how he relates to each family member).

• I really like the headcanon that Frigga was pregnant before Odin took Loki, and she lost the baby. Mostly because it makes sense logically (that would make Loki easy to explain! He's not some random baby that spawned out of nowhere, they can just say he's the child she was pregnant with!). But also, it adds another layer to their relationship: he's an adopted rainbow baby.

• Because of this, she remembers baby Loki very fondly, romanticizing the memories a bit. I'd even dare to say she remembers Loki as an easier baby than Thor, even though, objectively speaking, that's not true at all. Loki cried more, screamed more, needed special care. Which was to be expected: he was way too young to be separeted from his mom, and the bright lights and warmer weather of Asgard (in comparisson to Jotunheim, that is) were bad for him. Odin even feared that it would be too much to Frigga, that she would beg him to take Loki back or something, but his fragile state just made Frigga want to take care of him more, and she rarely, if ever, complained.

• Odin's feelings were very different, of course. He remembers Thor as the easy baby, because Thor was predictable. Familiar. He didn’t need special lights for sensitive eyes or cold cloths pressed into his forehead to be able to sleep in hot nights. He did all the things, both cute and annoying, that an Asgardian baby is supposed to do, expected to do. Nothing more and nothing less. And of course, he wasn't a secret and a stolen child.

• The golden child vs black sheep dynamic was set from the start, is what I'm saying.

• Odin's treatment of Loki has so much layers that it probably deserves it's own post, so I won’t talk much about it here.

•Constanly comparing him to Thor. Sometimes it was subtle, but sometimes it was literally just saying "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

• I'm not sure what Asgard's stance on physical punishment would be. Like, I can definitely see some people thinking it makes kids stronger or whatever, but Idk.

• Regardless of what the common Asgardian stance on hitting your kids is, I don’t think is something Odin and Frigga would automatically jump to with young Thor and Loki. Frigga doesn't want to hurt them, and Odin prefers other forms of discipline.

• He's definitely not above hitting, though. It may not be his go-to method to actually teach them things, but a smack for talking back from time to time? It has happened, especially with Loki.

• Every punishment happened more with Loki, actually. Odin knew he specifically hated time out, because of how it forced him to think about what he did wrong while completely alone in his room. Sometimes he'd come out ashamed of himself, sometimes he'd just be angry. Either way, he wouldn't willingly talk to Odin for the rest of the day, either completely isolating himself or clinging more to Frigga. Most of the time, Odin wouldn't even notice, and for Loki, that was the most painful part.

•Frigga genuinely loved Loki, but she also had a hand in perpetuating the racism against frost giants (either by action or by compliance) and let a lot of Odin's treatment of him slide. She also had a "defending the person who isn't in the room" approach to conflict, so in the rare occasions that Loki vented to her about Odin, though she was a good listener, she didn't really validate his feelings that much? It was always "I know your father can be difficult, but he just wants what's best for you!" or "I guess he could've been nicer about it, but is he wrong, honey? You already know he doesn't like it when you do that."

•When it came to defending Loki (or speaking up about how Odin was raising both him and Thor in general), she mostly worked in the shadows. She’d argue with Odin about it when they were alone, but never in front of others, and Loki took her silence as agreement, basically thinking "Well, if Mother doesn't speak up when Father is so harsh to me, maybe it's because she agrees. And if she, who is the kindest person I know, agrees, maybe I actually do deserve it."

•Despite all these issues, she was still the person Loki felt the safest around, and a very self indulgent hc I have for them is that they had a special place they would go to when Loki was exceptionally upset. Maybe it was a special room in the palace, or a library, or a garden, or even a little house in some woods nearby. Regardless, they'd stay there for some hours until Loki was feeling better and ready to face the world again.

•At some point Loki decided he was too old to keep needing her this way and that he needed to change that if he wanted to be taken seriously, so he stopped going to said comfort place with her and overall leaning on her too much. She was pretty heartbroken, not only because of that "Damn it, my kid is growing up and changing" feeling that leaves a lot of parents distraught, but also because, knowing Loki too well, she knew that this sudden change came from a place of insecurity and wanting to be taken more seriously by Odin, Thor and his friends, mentors, and pretty much everyone.

•Thor and Loki's relationship as kids was innocent and simple and pretty much what you'd expect from 2 kids who are royals and raised in a culture that values warriors and strenght: lots of competion and sibling rivarly, play fighting, but also a lot of teamwork.

•Thor took his big brother title very seriously as a kid. Yes, he teased Loki a lot, but he was also protective and sweet. Whenever they went on little adventures together, like exploring some place they weren't supposed to go, he'd put Loki's safety before his own.

•This might have been half fueled by Frigga saying "Take care of your brother" whenever they went out to play, or by Odin constanly saying that Thor was the strongest one between him and Loki (see 6th headcanon). Probably both.

•The real problems started in their teenage years, when the golden child vs black sheep dynamic became more obvious. Thor was the perfect stereotype of an Asgardian warrior and king, and was surrounded by friends (and potential romantic partners) who also reached some amazing standards. Meanwhile, Loki was a quieter, more fragile looking and weirder person, with an interest in magic, a different way of fighting, an aversion to most social gatherings and no friends. Most of Thor's friends just tolerated him. Some took interest in him the same way someone would take interest in an exotic animal: they'd listen to him for a while, just enough to see if he really was as weird as he looked, and then leave as soon as they got their answers and their fun.

•This, along with Odin's favoritism becoming even more obvious, really soured Thor and Loki's relationship, leading to some arguments in which pretty cruel words were said by both of them (I might write this).

I could go on but I'm tired lmao. Maybe another day.

Some inspiration was taken from @taw-k and @unityrain24 btw!

[baalzebufo]

HIII. can i just say. absolutely ADORE your gravity falls stuff!! i'd love to hear more of your headcanons (especially abt gideon) (that's my SON)

yes yeeees i was part of the Original Wave of Gideon Enjoyers back when like, episode 4 aired and it was about ten blogs who didnt hate his guts. i mean, i still want to throw him out a window, but I also think he has really interesting character stuff going on that some people just didnt wanna look at bc they hated him! which like, fair, he's a villain, but that freaky little dude will always be one of MY faves, haha

this post got. very long im sorry I had to put a readmore here haha but I haven't had an excuse to infodump about this for ages so here's a couple Things I like Thinking About... also a doodle I did the other night to break up the wall of text below

ok ok to start i LOVE him so much as a foil to dipper (and to an extent ford too) as examples of what the journals/that kind of power and information can do to people. its why im so adamant that he does actually have albinism, even if its not Technically Canon. dipper and ford both have a like, 'physical oddity' about them (birthmark, sixth finger) i think it makes sense for gideons to be his albinism as something that set him apart. all three are 'weirdos', were ostracised to an extent by the world, had that longing for something special or important, and then found it. and its what they DO with that which sets them apart

especially as a foil to dipper like... from time to time in the show, he gets a bit gung-ho about abusing the journals power for his own gain. but he has friends and family to reign him back in. he has more of a moral compass about not wanting to hurt people, generally. dipper never became like gideon did

this is getting into headcanon territory here but, my general summary of gideons childhood is an isolated one. only child, fairly sheltered, had some medical complications early in life which led to a lot of time on his own in hospital, attended school briefly and was subjected to significant bullying. and without a real support network outside of his parents who were very doting to the point of spoiling him because hes their Little Miracle he wasnt exactly well-adjusted even as a kid

but basically, that kid ends up finding this journal and learns about spells and evil artifacts and suddenly he has the power to make people like him. not only that but Fear him. he goes from feeling powerless to an absolute ego-trip. and his only close relatives would never tell their little boy 'no' about something, so they're not disciplining him in any way. its a perfect storm for a disaster to happen

it stems from this childish desire to go 'look at me im important and special and everyone likes me' and hes become so embittered already by people being dicks that he doesnt care if he hurts people on the way

that only really changes when mabel shows up and is the first person in town to approach him from a like... normal level. shes nice to him but not in the overly-saccharine and doting way his fans are, just in the way a girl who wants to be friends is. she treats him normally and is nice and he thinks she's pretty and that ALSO becomes a perfect storm of 'well shes nice to me and i like her so i must be in love with her and she is with me!' and, of course. kid who has never heard the word No before. so the later rejection becomes a HUGE sticking point and grudge to the point of being flat-out murderous

later in life with a little Introspection i think he'd realize it was less love and more just. basically imprinting on the first person to be normal and kind at him in years

UM. I should wrap this up i have so much in my brain. gideon was one of my earliest roleplay muses i'd write and draw with my pals, so I subjected him to a LOT of personal characterization stuff and also making a thousand AUs for fun. (aus always come in two flavours either its 'im going to make you marginally more well-adjusted' or 'im going to make you so, SO much worse')

ive got a soft spot for con-men and fake psychics and generally shitty little weasels and gideon just stormed into the show being a jerk with an aesthetic i adore and i was like ahhh. i want to punt him. hes my favourite.

ok im going to shut up now. last minute headcanon. gideon got into wood carving in prison art therapy because using a knife to stab something in a non-murder way helps soothe his urges. he whittles little people figurines

✨

[angelinthefire]

There is a “would Dean kill Cas to save Sam” poll going round I think you’d find interesting and which compelled me to unleash thoughts at you. I often wonder why fandom (both hellers and bronlies) ignores the fascinating examples in canon where Dean’s “Sam before anything else” ideology is threatened by Castiel. the BEST example of this is when Cas premeditatedly and with full agency breaks Sam’s wall as collateral damage — and Dean forgives him in the blink of an eye! If that were anyone else who’d done that to Sam they would be a dead man. Yes Dean was mad about it, yet the next season (BEFORE Cas redeems himself by taking on Sam’s hell trauma) Dean literally tells Cas “you were doing the best you could” (girl…).

Other key examples: Dean staying in Purgatory for an additional year to find Cas (rather than prioritising going back to find Sam, and this is after Cas broke Sam’s brain mind you); deciding to basically kill himself in s13 after Cas has died (despite Sam being alive and well); telling Chuck he’s wiling to kill Sam if it’ll bring Cas back. If the Bronly tenet that all Dean needs to be happy is Sam then hell, why does Dean beg Sam to let him die in the series finale.

I will note that Dean kicking Cas out of the bunker in s9 is thrown around constantly but there was literally a gun to Sam’s head at that point. Dean was tormented about it and still snuck off to see Cas although it may have been unwise in that situation.

Also interesting to note that Sam isn’t the only one; Castiel has also served as a threat to Dean’s other representations of family. in s6 Cas ~betrays Dean by colluding with Crowley, who kidnaps Lisa and Ben, which eventually leads to Dean deciding to memory wipe Lisa. In s14 Dean literally *blames Cas in part for Mary’s death*! And yet still forgives him?? (As s13 showed, Dean can live better without Mary than he can without Cas.) This is really intriguing/toxic element of Destiel that is hardly explored in fandom, which is that Dean associates Cas with danger to the rest of his family/his role as protector of his family and therefore his relationship with him is a weakness that he will regret. Add to the fact that Cas has proven time and again to not be a safe/reliable object of affection (see above examples, and also repeatedly leaving/dying) and it’s very plain why Dean would have reason to fear/suppress/compartmentalise romantic feelings between them — because they would be an even greater source of pain.

Curious to get your thoughts on this!!

Thank you for the message!

Regarding the first point: I think there's a fairly typical thing going on of fan simplifying characters and their motivations. Does Dean love and care about Sam? Yes. Was Dean's duty to Sam something that was drilled into him as something that he had no choice over? And something that was reinforced through their forced isolation from the rest of society? Also yes. So what happens when Dean has someone that he has grown to love on his own terms? And who he never has to worry about alienating, someone who could actually be part of his life? Something very interesting!

I looooove the s6/7 example so much, because Dean really isn't ever angry at Cas for hurting Sam, he's angry at Cas for not listening to him. And even then, not really - his anger at Cas in 7x01 is much more something that Dean is using as a sheild, something to cover his own hurt, than anything else. And then the second it looks like Cas is going to turn around and come back to him, all that anger evaporates.

s8 was soooo vindicating as well when it aired, because all summer the bronlies were like, "Dean's motivation in Purgatory will be that he's trying to get back to Sam!" And then it WASN'T. This is another thing too, that bronlies will try to make it out like Sam is the only one that Dean will go to extreme lengths for, that Dean isn't a *generally* nurturing type of person who *wants* a bigger family and to not be so socially isolated. But throughout the entire show, Dean is constantly drawing people around himself. And we do see how Dean is willing to go to great lengths for Cas. Of course, a lot of the time, Dean is convinced that he's powerless to do anything when it comes to saving Cas, but Purgatory was one time when he wasn't, and we see what happens.

(And the thing is I do get where the bronlies are coming from in their understanding of the show, in an abstract sense. Like objectively, if someone were to tell me that there's a story about two brothers, that only have eachother against the world, and they have a super-intense relationship, and all they care about is each other and fighting monsters, and there's a dark, gothic vibe to it, I could see why someone would be into that. Like it's not my jam, but abstractly, I see it. But the thing is, that reading of the show does not hold up to contact with canon - and none of them want to admit that.)

The series finale is so weird when you think about it. Because bronlies hold it up as a win. But it is Dean taken down to a place where all he has is Sam and hunting, and then deciding that he has nothing to live for.

s9 was just a mess. Kicking Cas out of the bunker was so contrived. And then what everyone forgets is how incredibly happy and jazzed Dean was when he thought Cas was going to be living with them. The thing I'm most bitter about is that they couldn't have given us at least one episode of Dean and Cas being absolutely goofy happy around each other before constructing a situation to get Cas out of the picture.

Your last paragraph is interesting, and something to think about. The way I see it, is that Cas has entered a special tier of relationships with Dean, where Dean will hold on to him no matter what. I don't think Lisa and Ben are a good example for your point, actually, because I think Dean blames himself for what happened to them more than anyone else, which is reflected in his final interaction with them when he says he hit them with his car and is happy they can go on with their lives (or something of that nature, I forget).

Mary's death is interesting though. The only thing comparable to something like that happening before is when Dean blames Sam for Charlie's death (and what Dean says to Sam - "I think it should be you on that pyre instead of her" - is actually way more harsh than what Dean says to Cas). But Dean does forgive Sam, and he does forgive Cas - again, they're on a special tier, where Dean values them no matter what. And you see that throughout the divorce arc, where Dean keeps checking in on Cas and showing concern for him, in spite of how he feels at the moment - like he knows througout that the rift him and Cas are going through isn't going to last forever.

I think all of Dean's closest relationships are toxic, just as a result of the way he was raised and the kind of life he leads. With Sam, John, Mary, Jack, and Cas. The relationships that aren't toxic are the ones where they aren't physically around each other that much (like Charlie), or with Bobby, who has the level of experience to not get caught up in bullshit. With all of them, the death toll doesn't really matter (like Mary endangered Cas too, and Dean forgave her). Dean just tends to not let go of the people around him.

I think a big barrier for Dean and Cas is actually neither of them having any kind of reference model for what they are to one another. All of Dean's romantic relationships have been filled with secrets, and the knowledge that his partner cannot share his life with him. Dean calls Cas his "brother" in s6 and s11, because to him, that's the closest you can be to someone. That changes to "best friend", which is better, because it doesn't have the same connotation of obligation and responsibility - your best friend is someone you actually like being around. And it's a title that is uniquely Castiel's.

And in general he has trouble categorizing Castiel. Like he keeps trying to put Cas in human boxes that he doesn't actually fit within. He repeatedly indicates that he thinks of Cas as just a guy, and then Cas acts in ways that defy that category.

So yeah, I guess I don't really think that Dean sees Cas as unsafe. It's more that Dean just isn't thinking of romantic relationships as a possibility for himself. And he doesn't quite know how to categorize what he and Cas are to each other (and the fact that Cas is a dude may or may not play into that, depending on how much you think Dean grapples with internalized homophobia). And they're both generally fucked up.

It's an interesting idea, though, that Dean sees Cas as a danger, that I'd be interested in seeing explored more in posts or fic.

[mango-bango-bby]

How do you think nanami would react if his darling accidentally hurt themselves trying to escape (gender neutral preferably) like maybe some headcanons? Thank you, feel free to ignore if you don’t want to do <3

♡ Escaped Attempt ♡

(A/N: I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve written something that wasn’t a holiday prompt lol!! I hope you like this, I just love writing for Nanami, he is such a sweetheart and he seems like he would take such good care of his darling 💖)

Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere, kidnapping, escape attempts, injury, Nanami taking care of you 🥺🥺

Summary: You try to escape Nanami only to get injured (Yandere!Nanami x GN!Reader)

Masterlist ➸ ♡

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♡ You had entire plan to escape, you had been planning for weeks. You were trying to figure out how to leave and not be caught by him. You almost went through with it a couple times but ended up backing out out of fear. You were scared of Nanami in all honesty. He spoke in a matter of fact way, he was a lot taller and stronger than you, and he literally stole you. It only made sense he scared you!

♡ As much as you thought you were being sneaky about your escape attempt you really weren’t. Nanami knew you were planning on escaping. There were two parts of him, there was the part of him that wanted to keep you safe make sure you could never ever leave his side. But there was also a sick part of him that wanted you to escape, there was a part of him that wanted you to escape and see how dangerous the world was for you, that wanted you to escape then realize how much you missed him.

♡ You finally decided to escape one night, completely abandoning your plan because you saw an opportunity. Right as Nanami came home, tired from a day of work, you ran past him pushing him out of the way. Normally his instincts would’ve caught you but he was off that day, he wasn’t able to grab you in time.

♡ You didn’t even realize how hard it was raining before running out. You didn’t realize how foggy and dark it was either. Turns out the house that Nanami lives in and kept you in was in the middle of absolutely no where. Also turns out in order to run away you had to run downhill. You didn’t realize any of this because of how isolated you were in his home.

♡ You were running downhill, it could not end good for you. Nanami tried to chase after you, almost getting to you only for you to trip on the root of a tree and begin tumbling down. You tumbled all the way down, eventually hitting your head on the ground. Hard, you hit your head really hard to the point you passed out.

♡ Nanami was so worried about you, he actually blames himself. He should’ve been able to keep you inside yet for some reason on that day he wasn’t able to keep you inside. Luckily, he has experience treating injuries so he was able to take care of your scrapes and ended up bandaging your head. He stayed next to you until you woke up.

♡ You woke up to see him sitting in a chair next to the bed, he had fallen asleep. He lectured you after he woke up. Although it seemed that he was a bit to loud while lecturing because it scared you, making you cry. He just held you and apologized. You were still scared if him, sure, but you felt a little less scared of him when he took care of you like this.

♡ He’s so protective over you after your injury. He’s not letting you do anything, however he generally did everything for you anyways. Nanami is seriously not letting you walk, you’re basically on bed rest. He’s going to nurse you back to health but then keep you safer. He needs more safety percussions to keep you here.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, darling!!

[shalotttower]

Yandere!Joseph Seed Headcanons

Type: General Headcanons Characters: Joseph Seed x Reader (afab) Word count: 700+ Notes: Manipulation, coercion, isolation, captivity, emotional abuse, forced proximity, obsessive behavior, unhealthy relationship dynamics, brief mention of suicide possibility, implied possibility of pregnancy.

- Joseph is calm, patient, and calculating with you. He won't rush into things or make impulsive decisions. As someone who is skilled at manipulation, he understands the necessity of waiting (and patience is a virtue). He is persistent and determined, but in a very quiet and measured way, like a rock steadily going down the hill.

- Joseph sees you as his ultimate test of faith and a reward shall he pass it. The Voice told him, he saw it in his dreams, every little sign points to you being the one he was meant to find. And once Joseph decides on something, he won't change his mind. No matter what you do, no matter how much you try to run or hide, Joseph will find you and bring you home.

- He wins your affection through misplaced empathy, touch (because there's no shame in closeness), and by simply being there whenever you need it - even if sometimes you wish he wasn't.

- Joseph views your reluctance as the result of Pride speaking in you and a part of his own trial. And trials exist to be overcome.

- Joseph knows people. He can read them, hopes and fears, weaknesses and strengths, virtues and vices, what they love and hate. He utilizes it with you, observes your habits and behavioral patterns. Joseph doesn't force - he nudges and encourages, planting the seeds and hints in your head and letting them grow; he manipulates you by making you come to desired conclusions on your own.

- If you're stubborn, Joseph will deprive you of sleep, but in a way that seems natural (there's suddenly a lot of work he needs your help with or he keeps you awake longer and wakes you up earlier, because this and that). He will increase the time of his lectures or restrict access to certain areas until you waver. The book you're reading will disappear and he has no idea where it is, etc.

- However, don't think Joseph is passive. Yes, he prefers a gentler approach with you, but understands the necessity of harsher methods too. Even God has to punish his children, after all, and it's always for their sake. If you push him too much (and it takes a lot to achieve that), he will "teach you humility" and his methods are often connected to the feeling of shame. He may restrain you and make you ask for basic needs like food, toilet or water; lock you up in an empty room without sustenance for a few days and sit by your door, reading the Bible aloud; wash you/feed you himself, denying you autonomy. If looks is something you value about yourself, he might cut your hair short. Making you watch as he burns something you cherish is also not off the table. He will not beat you, but if having your buttocks smacked will get the point across and make you feel ashamed, then Joseph will do it.

- Hurting you, however, doesn't give him pleasure and he will later spend the hours in prayer asking God for forgiveness for his temper, even if that was necessary. He won't be apologetic towards you, but later when you've both calmed down he will console you and provide whatever comfort you need: a hug, a touch (which feels increasingly familiar), stroking your hair and telling you a biblical story as an analogy for your behavior.

- It's Joseph's responsibility to protect you from yourself and guide you on the right path, because you're lost and confused in his mind. There's only one truth - Eden's Gate - and he will do his best to save your soul before it's too late.

- If it's the Bunker, you're sharing a bed, period. Joseph isn't letting you out of his sight and will be sleeping next to you. He can't risk you offing yourself and leaving him alone.

- If it's somewhere else, like the compound or wherever he keeps you, you will have your own room if he trusts you enough. Your room will have its own bathroom and Joseph won't be intruding, unless you give him a reason to. He'll grant you permission to move freely within the compound, but two faithful will always follow behind.

- Joseph doesn't force himself on you, though he'll take any opportunity to initiate physical contact. Taking your hands in his, kissing your forehead, loosely putting an arm around your waist. He watches how you react, whether you're leaning in or pulling away. If the latter is the case, he'll be more subtle, but won't stop.

- Joseph wants a family with you. A future together after the Collapse.

[thebroccolination]

I think fic writing is a storytelling experience you can’t get through selling (or trying to sell) your work.

Like, when I listen to people in my novel-writing course talk about certain obstacles they’re grappling with, I understand in theory.

“I wish someone would read my work and tell me I’m doing all right. I feel so isolated writing thousands of words alone.”

“I just don’t know what I’m doing right. I have no confidence in my writing because no one’s ever told me it’s good. I’m just hoping it is.”

“My dream is to hear someone tell me my book made them cry or laugh out loud.”

Like! Okay, right—

So much of storytelling is inherently tied to community. We tell stories to pass information, sustain culture, teach the next generation. Storytelling is hard to do in isolation because it’s not meant to be done in isolation.

And of course writing is even harder to do in isolation, because it involves learned skills like grammar and syntax and colloquialisms and analogies and narrative structure and all that important garbage. It involves creativity and logic and editing and blah blah blah. It’s hard.

But what makes fic writing different and fun is what’s made storytelling such a lasting and beloved pastime: community. We watch a show or a movie, read a book, listen to a podcast, what have you, and then we act on a tradition humans have been practicing for millennia: carrying those stories forward. Adjusting them, reshaping them, adding onto them. Fic writing is what happens when capitalists try to restrict what humans have always done with stories.

Why do it for free? Because we’re looking for community. Telling each other stories is how we connect, how we make sense of love and devastation and fear and awe. That’s why fic writers beg for comments and feedback. By posting fics, writers are basically throwing a hand up for a high five. We’re turning to readers and saying, “Can you imagine if ___?” We’re calling out into the dark hoping someone will answer.

The reason I’m still writing today is because I’ve spent most of my life in fic-writing communities. Strangers told a nine-year-old posting structurally terrible stories on FanFiction.net that they had a great time reading, and then that nine-year-old felt validated and excited to try again. People told that nine-year-old what parts they liked best, so that nine-year-old thought, “Oh,” and leaned into those parts.

Writing fic is safe and joyous for me because community after community sat around a bonfire with me and told me they enjoyed the stories I told them. Some of my fics have been translated into other languages and carried onto to new communities, some have been made into art and transformed into a different medium, and some have been read aloud and recorded. It’s all beautifully, magnificently centered around community.

And I wish more writers creating original work could experience this, because while there are always going to be conflicts wherever there are people, humans make the experience of living warmest when we build and maintain communities. When we tell each other stories for the simple satisfaction of knowing someone is smiling with anticipation as you start to tell them yours.

[redroomreflections]

Gentle Hands Chapter Eight

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha suspects Reader is in an abusive relationship and tries to convince her to leave

8/10

W/c: 

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Warning: Domestic violence

Sometimes you don’t know you’re grieving until you’re in the middle of it. Or in the middle of something. One minute you’re pushing your daughter on the baby swing and the next minute you look over and realize there’s no one there but you. It’s an empty feeling. The sensation is hollow, disconcerting, and unpleasant. It induces a desire to retreat into darkness, a pain so intense it feels deserved. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe for separating Kaia from her father, leaving Keith isolated. He depended on you, just as you relied on him. The only thing is he never left. He kept his promises. Even if he broke all of them more than once. He never left you alone. There was never enough time to think. Never enough time to stop and realize it wasn’t what you wanted. But you did right? It’s why you stayed. In an attempt to fend off the loneliness gripping you now, a profound despair coursing through your veins like venom, you stayed.

You endured all he threw at you because, deep down, it seemed preferable to the current state to the life you’re leading now. You sense it coursing through your veins, tightening until it constricts your breath. Abruptly, the knot in your stomach intensifies, and a sharp pain grips you, settling in the lower regions of your stomach.

You pause to take a breath, inhaling and exhaling for a few moments. The pain fades quicker than your thoughts can catch up. This feeling isn't new; you remember it from your early pregnancy days with Kaia. Back then, you'd turn to Google for reassurance, and talking to Keith always brought comfort. He knew what you needed, even when you didn't.

Now, uncertainty clouds your mind. You try to keep track of basic needs – food, shelter, transportation. But it goes deeper. Kaia's well-being becomes crucial; if she goes hungry or falls sick, the fear of losing her to him haunts you. The thought lingers – you might be seen as an unfit mother. The fear sometimes overwhelms you, and you can't shake the idea that your supposed freedom is a facade. Keith might show up any moment, shattering the illusion of safety you've clung to.

Life's twists aren't lost on you. In the past, his presence gave you comfort, and he was your world. Love used to drive you to do anything for him, but now, you question if that kind of love is what you truly want anymore.

You inhale deeply before extending your arms to scoop up Kaia. She's an exceptionally patient toddler, your little angel. Many parents use that term, but for you, it rings true. She's been your saving grace in more ways than one. Your will to live is intricately tied to her existence. You strongly desire to witness her growth, and the idea of experiencing that adorable gummy grin every morning is a source of genuine joy. She's not just a part of your life; she's the heartbeat that propels you forward, a tiny force that adds meaning and purpose to your journey.

Cradling Kaia in your arms, the 15-month-old beams up at you with an enchanting, toothy grin. She babbles away in her sweet, baby language, some of which you can understand, and her innocent laughter fills your heart.

"Mama, food," Kaia demands.

"Food, huh?" You ask, a smile spreading across your face in response to Kaia's adorable request.

Kaia, her eyes sparkling, responds with an enthusiastic, "Yeah, yeah!" Her joyful energy is infectious, and you can't help but share in her excitement for the upcoming meal.

“Alright, let’s get you fed,” You hoist her higher on your hip.

Amid her baby talk, a thought crosses your mind. Inspired by Kaia's playful energy, you consider reaching out to Darcy for a lunch date. With Kaia giggling and gurgling in your arms, the idea of sharing time with your best friend seems more plausible. You should call her.

*************** Surprisingly, you find yourself nervous about meeting Darcy, your best friend, of all people. She's the one you confide in, the person who knows everything about you. Yet, ever since that night at Tony's gala, you've been avoiding her, reluctant to face any potential judgment. It's not that you believe Darcy would criticize you; instead, you anticipate her anger directed at Keith. He's the source of the problem, always has been, and you're finally acknowledging it.

Sitting in a cafe, your leg bounces nervously as you wait. Trying to ease the tension, you observe Kaia happily munching on french fries. Your eyes flutter around the room, distracted by the anticipation of the upcoming conversation with Darcy.

A few moments later, the cafe door jingles, and in walks Darcy, her eyes scanning the cafe until they lock onto you. A wide grin spreads across her face, and she strides over with an enthusiastic, "Hey, you!". You respond with a wave. Her gaze then shifts to Kaia, who's blissfully engaged with her french fries.

Darcy crouches down, her excitement palpable, "And how's this little munchkin?" she asks, reaching out a hand for a high-five. Kaia looks up from her fries, momentarily taken aback, but after a moment, she responds with an adorable smile, slapping Darcy's hand in return.

Darcy chuckles, "Well, hello there, cutie! You must be Kaia. I've missed seeing you." While she may not consider herself a "kids person," the genuine warmth in Darcy's voice suggests she's genuinely pleased to finally meet the little one she's heard so much about.

“You didn’t tell me she was this cute,” Darcy grins as she slides into the booth seat across from you. “I mean look at that face.”

You laugh at Darcy's comment, feeling a wave of relief as the tension eases. "Yeah, she's got that adorable factor going on," you say with a smile, glancing at Kaia, who's now studying Darcy with wide-eyed curiosity. "And she knows it too," you add, your fondness for Kaia evident in your eyes. "How have you been, Darcy?"

“Shouldn’t I be the one to ask you that?” Darcy tilts her head. “I’ve missed you, girlie.”

You appreciate Darcy's concern and a small, grateful smile tugs at your lips. "I've missed you too," you admit, feeling a mix of emotions. "Life's been a bit of a rollercoaster, but having you here makes it better."

“Mushiness,” Darcy comments with narrowed eyes. She analyzes your face and sighs. There’s a subtle shift in her demeanor. “I’m glad you got away from him.”

With a nod, you express your gratitude, "Thanks, Darcy. It was a tough call, but I needed to do it. “

“I have a lot of questions,” Darcy frowns. “I just really want to know if you’re okay. With everything. I know a cafe isn’t the best place to do it but…”

Darcy's frown and the concern in her voice tug at your heartstrings. You appreciate her genuine worry. "I get it, Darcy. And I appreciate your concern. Honestly, a cafe is as good a place as any. Ask away, and I'll fill you in on whatever you want to know," you say, ready to share your thoughts and feelings with the friend you trust the most.

“How long had that been going on?” Darcy asked. “The problems with Keith? We’ve been friends for quite a while now. I never noticed anything. I’m sorry I didn’t notice anything. I just wish there was something I could have done to help. Like, kick his ass or something. I carry a taser you know.”

With a chuckle you respond, “I do know.” You take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding to Darcy's questions. "It's not your fault, Darcy. These things were hidden well. I wanted them to be hidden. The problems with Keith had been lingering for a while, but I guess I got good at putting on a brave face.” You lick your lips. “They started around the end of my last pregnancy. I, um, it was subtle at first. Just backhanded comments or random acts of control. Then he was fine when she was born but after she was a little older I noticed he was more distant. He hit me the first time on our anniversary. Kaia was four months old then," There's a weight lifted off your shoulders, knowing that you have Darcy's support and understanding. This is the first time you’ve ever told anybody this. “He came home late. Later than usual and I was so angry. I was so tired. I had been with Kaia all morning. I had gone out of my way to dress up and have the neighbor down the hall babysit. I just wanted a night with him. I just wanted a night for him to notice me like before. I questioned him on his whereabouts. I wasn’t angry by then. Just tired and annoyed. He didn’t even notice the dress. He just got super defensive. Said he was at work and a meeting ran late. I called bullshit on it. He backhanded me.”

“Wow, holy fuck,” Darcy says before she covers her mouth with a hand. “Sorry, I shouldn’t curse in front of her.”

“It’s fine,” You dismiss. “If she hasn’t picked up anything from all the things she’s heard before then she won’t pick it up now.”

“Seriously, dude,” Darcy shakes her head. “I’m sorry I don’t know what to say I just…that makes me so angry.”

Darcy's genuine frustration resonates in her words, and you nod in understanding. "I know, Darcy. It's infuriating, but it's okay. What matters is that I'm taking steps to move forward. Having you here means a lot, and I know you'll always have my back," you assure her.

“You’re not ever going back to him right?” She asks. “You’re done for good this time? Like I know it’s complicated but… I really want you to be safe. You and the munchkin here.”

Her concern is evident, and you appreciate her straightforwardness. Taking a deep breath, you meet her gaze and respond, "No, Darcy. I'm done for good. It's been a tough decision, but I need to prioritize our safety and well-being. I want to create a better life for both Kaia and myself, and that means moving forward without Keith. That and I think Tony and the guys threatened him a little. Natasha won’t admit it but…”

Darcy's eyes widen, and a mischievous grin plays on her lips. "Really now? The Avengers giving him a friendly talk, huh?" She chuckles, shaking her head. "I guess it's good to have some superhero backup in your corner. But seriously, I'm glad you're taking the steps to move on. You and Kaia deserve all the happiness and safety in the world."

Dipping the teabag into the steaming cup, you appreciate the warmth it brings. Kaia, ever sweet, offers you the muffin you’d been eating, and you break it apart with ease. "Speaking of superheroes in my corner," you begin, "my parents came to the tower. I'm staying in Natasha's place for now, just until I figure things out, and they want me to come home." The words hang in the air, carrying a mix of emotions as you navigate through the support and decisions unfolding in your life.

“Your parents came to the tower?” Darcy seems even more mindblown. “Did they think you would leave with them?”

“Something like that,” You nod. “I can’t at the moment. I don’t want to. I want to be as independent as I can. I just need to figure out things on my own for now. Also, I didn’t tell them about the baby for a reason. It’s just a lot right now.”

“Baby as in Kaia?” Darcy’s eyes widen.

“I’m about nine weeks pregnant,” You reveal. If there’s anyone you can tell this to it’s Darcy.

Darcy's eyes widen in both surprise and excitement. "No way! That's huge news!" she exclaims a mix of joy and surprise on her face. "Congratulations, I think! But I get it, that's a lot to handle, especially with everything else going on. You're a strong woman, though, and I know you'll figure things out. And hey, you've got me for any late-night ice cream runs or baby advice. We'll navigate this together."

“That’s kind of the thing,” You frown. “I don’t know if I should keep it. I mean, with everything going on.”

Darcy leans back, her brow furrowed as she processes the information. "Okay, woah, that's like, major life stuff. “ She looks to you. “I get it. Responsibility on top of responsibility, right? Are you thinking of not keeping it because you think people will judge or because you truly don’t want it?”

You take a deep breath, appreciating Darcy's directness. "It's a bit of both, you know? Back when I was with Keith, the idea of bringing another baby into our toxic mess felt like a trap. But now, things are different. I have Kaia, and I'm navigating this single motherhood journey. Part of it is fear, the unknown of handling two on my own, and the other part is this lingering worry about judgment. It's a lot to take in, and I'm just trying to figure out what's best for all of us."

“I just want there to be a point in my life where I’m sure about things,” You sigh. “I mean, shouldn’t this be something I’m one hundred percent sure about? A baby? I think they should be born if a percent one hundred percent wants it.”

“And do you?” Darcy begins. “Hear me out. Besides you feeling like you can’t do it, and feeling like Keith was wrong, what do you want? What feels best for you? There’s no wrong answer. Well, I guess there can be but what do you want?”

You nod, grateful for Darcy's thoughtful approach. "Honestly, I'm still figuring that out. In a way, it's like I've been conditioned to believe I can't handle it, especially after everything with Keith. But, deep down, there's a part of me that wonders what it would be like to embrace this new chapter. Fear is there, judgment is there, but I want to make a decision that feels right for me. It's just hard to filter through all the noise right now." Your response reflects the internal struggle you go through daily.

You take a deep breath, the uncertainty clouding your thoughts. "Darcy, it's like...I'm standing at this crossroads, and both paths look equally daunting and promising. I can't help but wonder, what if I can do this? What if this little one is meant to be a part of our story, a story that's different from the one I thought I'd live? But then there's this voice, this nagging doubt, questioning if I'm ready for all of it. It's a lot, you know? And I'm just in this fog of questioning, trying to see through it and figure out what feels right. Does that make any sense?" Your words carry the weight of contemplation and the internal struggle as you grapple with the myriad emotions and possibilities.

Darcy leans back, her expression thoughtful. "Totally makes sense," she says, her gaze steady. "You're navigating uncharted waters, and feeling uncertain is okay. This is a big decision, and you've got a lot on your plate already. Whatever you decide, just know I'm here for you. We'll face whatever comes our way, superhero style, right?" She offers a reassuring smile, emphasizing her support and willingness to stand by you through the uncertainties ahead.

“That’s so corny,” You snicker, feeling a bit more lighthearted.

Darcy grins, unapologetic. "Hey, I live for the corny moments. Keeps life interesting, right? But seriously, whatever you decide, I've got your back. Corny or not, we'll face it together." Her playful demeanor adds a touch of levity to the conversation, creating a moment of shared laughter amidst the weighty discussion.“So, you’re staying with Natasha Romanoff? How’s that? How did that even come about?”

"Yeah, staying with Natasha is...unexpectedly good," you respond, a small smile playing on your lips. "She was the one who helped me break free from Keith, offered me a place to stay, and even talked to Tony to get me my old job back. It's been a lifeline. Living with her is like having a silent mentor, and Kaia loves her. Natasha's got this no-nonsense vibe, but she's got a big heart too, you know?" The gratitude in your voice is evident as you reflect on the unexpected support and friendship Natasha has provided during this challenging time.

“Actually, I don’t,” Darcy shakes her head. “Natasha doesn’t usually allow people to get close.”

You nod, acknowledging Darcy's observation. "Yeah, I get that. Natasha is a tough nut to crack. But there's this understanding between us, a shared experience of sorts. She saw what was happening with Keith and didn't hesitate to help. I guess some connections just form in the most unexpected ways." You offer a thoughtful smile, appreciating the uniqueness of the bond you've developed with Natasha during this difficult chapter of your life. “How are things with you and Steve?” You ask to change the topic.

"Oh, me and Cap?" Darcy grins, her eyes dancing with mischief. "Well, let's just say, he's got those old-fashioned gentleman vibes. Always checking in, making sure I'm not causing too much trouble. But hey, we make a good team, whether it's saving the world or just picking out the best takeout for movie nights." She winks, implying a friendship with Steve that goes beyond the conventional.

“So you two are a thing now? I mean I’ve kind of been avoiding everyone so I don’t have any information on well, anything.”

Darcy chuckles, her expression slightly coy. "Well, 'a thing' might be a strong term, but yeah, we've been... testing the waters, I guess. It's all a bit new and unexpected, but Steve's a great guy, and we're enjoying each other's company. Nothing official, just figuring it out as we go." She offers a playful shrug, hinting at the evolving nature of their connection.

“Well, you have me to thank for that.” You slyly grin.

Darcy raises an eyebrow, feigning innocence. "Oh, do I now? And here I thought it was my dazzling personality," she quips, a playful smirk crossing her face. “Thank you, y/n. You’re a gem.”

You glance over at Kaia, her tiny head drooping as she dozes off in her high chair. The soft rhythmic rise and fall of her chest indicate that the cafe's atmosphere has finally taken its toll on her, and the need for a nap has become undeniable.

You share a knowing smile with Darcy, gently reaching over to collect the now-empty muffin wrapper and the scattered fries, silently acknowledging that it's time to wrap up this cafe rendezvous.

“I should probably head back to the tower,” You say.

"Yeah, it sounds like a plan," Darcy agrees, understanding the need to tend to Kaia's nap and your responsibilities. "Whenever you're ready to spill the beans on your decision-making process or just need a friend, you know where to find me. Until then, take care of yourself and the little munchkin." Darcy gives you a supportive smile as you gather your things and prepare to head back to the tower. You move around the table to hug her and kiss her cheek.

You’ve missed your best friend.

Cradling Kaia in your arms, you prepare to head home, grateful for the support and conversation that have made this outing both meaningful and comforting.

*********************

As you settle back into Natasha's suite, the temporary nature of the arrangement crosses your mind. It's strange, living in someone else's space, but you're gradually adapting to the idea. Your parents' departure means Natasha gets her suite back, and you're determined to keep the promise you made to stay in touch with them.

Planning for the future, you're already envisioning budgeting your income and making arrangements for Kaia's daycare. The prospect of someone else caring for her feels unsettling, but you recognize it as a necessary step to help you get back on your feet. These plans mark a path toward independence and stability, a future where you and Kaia can thrive on your terms.

You’re finishing up a few dishes when the subtle beep of the security sensor echoes through the quiet suite, announcing Natasha's return. The atmosphere in the kitchen seems to shift as she ambles in, her eyes casually scanning the room as if searching for someone. You, maybe.

“Hey,” You greet her.

“Hey,” She says back. She moves to sit at the island counter. “How was your day?”The question is posed with a calmness that mirrors the quiet atmosphere of the room, inviting you to share without the need for elaborate words.

You offer a small smile, replying, "It was okay, pretty standard. I met up with Darcy for lunch. Yours?"

Natasha meets your gaze with her usual composed demeanor, a hint of something softer beneath the surface. "Productive," she replies, her succinct words carrying a subtle warmth.

As you hang up a drying towel, you can't help but feel a mild curiosity about Natasha's response. "What does that mean?" you inquire, the question lingering in the air, seeking clarity on the nature of Natasha's day.

Natasha offers a brief, enigmatic smile, her eyes meeting yours. "Just tying up loose ends," she replies, her response leaving a touch of mystery in the air. “Where’s Kaia?”

"Kaia's napping," You answer, a soft smile playing on your lips as you continue with the kitchen chores. The brief exchange carries a sense of normalcy, a routine that has developed in this shared space.

You share this thought with Natasha as you continue your tasks in the kitchen. "I've been thinking about going back to school, like I mentioned before. Maybe a couple of months down the line. It's completely online, so there won't be any more time away from Kaia that's needed," you explain, the idea taking shape in your mind as you consider this potential step toward personal and professional growth.

“What will you study?”

Natasha's question prompts you to consider the specifics of your potential return to school.

"I'm thinking of pursuing a degree in business administration," You share, the words carrying a sense of determination. "It feels like a step in the right direction, you know? Something that allows me to build a more stable future for Kaia and me." The quiet kitchen conversation takes on a slightly more purposeful note as you discuss your aspirations for the future. “Then possibly HR or consulting? I only have like two years left so it wouldn’t take too long. Also, I can take breaks if needed. With the new baby coming and everything.”

Natasha's gaze subtly shifts to acknowledge the topic of the baby, a recognition that holds a weight of understanding. "Considering everything, it's a comprehensive plan. Education, career, and the new addition to the family," she remarks, her words encompassing the various facets of your evolving life. "So, you've made a decision?" she asks, her steady gaze prompting a response.

You feel a nervous energy settle in, and you respond with a self-deprecating half-smile, "More like flipped a coin, to be honest." The admission is accompanied by a nervous chuckle. "I mean, it's a lot, right? The idea of going back to school, handling a job, and now with the baby on the way, it's like juggling a dozen balls in the air, hoping they don't come crashing down."

Your explanation flows into a ramble as you share your thoughts, "But then, I figured life's always been a bit of a chaotic dance, and maybe it's time I joined in. The baby changes things, but it's also this unexpected source of motivation. A reason to push through the chaos and make a better life, not just for me but for them. It's scary, but maybe that's the nature of big decisions, right?" The vulnerability in your words lingers as an open admission of the uncertainty and hope that accompany the choices you're making.

“Right,” Natasha nods.

You share a reassuring smile with Natasha, sensing the need to address the potential concerns about staying in her suite. "And you don't have to worry; I'll be out of your hair soon enough," you assure her. "Tony's getting one of the other suites cleaned up, and he says we could stay there until I find an apartment or something. I've already been looking at a few places, so it should go well," you add, your words carrying a sense of gratitude for the support you've received.

Natasha listens to your reassurance, her expression composed as she processes the information. "It's really no problem having you and Kaia stay at my apartment," she assures you, concealing any potential reservations with a calm demeanor. "And Liho seems to like having company around," she adds, a subtle hint of a smile appearing as she mentions her cat's fondness for the both of you.

You express your gratitude to Natasha, a genuine smile crossing your face. "Well, I like Liho too," you say, acknowledging the bond with Natasha's feline companion. "Seriously, thank you, Natasha, for everything. I know this is just the beginning, but I'm looking forward to getting things together for myself. This stage of grief is hard for me. A breakup isn't easy, but I'm genuinely motivated to get it right this time,"

Natasha meets your words with a subtle nod, her eyes reflecting a depth of understanding. "You're welcome," she responds, her tone carrying a quiet reassurance. "Take the time you need, and don't hesitate to lean on the support around you. We're here for you," she adds, a hint of warmth beneath her composed exterior.

---> next part