#but it'd be so much funnier if he doesn't

[shiongenkai]

TD Captain Swap

I have crafted a captain swap so hilarious to me I need to talk about it so here's the stupidest thing ever.

Frostheim: Yuri

Vagastrom: Jin

Jabberwock: Ed

Sinostra: Alan

Hotarubi: Taiga

Obscuary: Haru

Mortkranken: Subaru

My insane ramblings below the cut.

My basic premise is that one day Darkwick is like. In order to promote harmony across the houses and establish rapport with one another we will be assigning captains to a new house for the next month. And then they do that. And it all falls apart immediately.

Frostheim

Yuri voice ill never go back. And then Darkwick is like okay you're too biased against them go make up!! And Yuri seethes so hard something in his body pops.

First off, nooo way he gets along with Tohma or feels comfortable in Jin's room. Secondly, Kaito? Kaito. Literally no way that guy won't scream every other day. It's not even that he dislikes Yuri, it's just that the rumors are too Big for Kaito not to freak out every single time. And Luca of course will not help this concern ever, and will ask for Yuri's history and why he seems so familiar with Frostheim stuff, and Yuri will have to decide how far morals can carry him.

Somehow someway everyone in this scenario comes out appreciating Jin just like. A smidge more. His Frostheim runs as smoothly as Yuri's Frostheim but there's something slightly more dignified about it.

Vagastrom

I really just need a Jin Leo bitch off. Leo trying to get info from Jin except he soundproofed his room again, Jin not giving a shit about what the two of them do which makes it considerably less fun despite neither Sho nor Leo being willing to admit that, Jin using his stigma when MC is around to force Leo to do things. It's technically functional, like Vagastrom doesn't fall to chaos after Jin asserts his dominance on day one, but it's like. Everyone misses Alan so bad. So bad. Sho and Leo would never admit it to his face but they prefer their captain over Jin even if most things haven't really changed.

Also I think the only reasons Jin would leave his room is if Leo was bothering him too much and even then it would take a bit. I think Sho's life wouldn't be changed a whole lot but he'd miss the sparring and also find Jin's philosophy like.... not strange or bad but too different???? Like yeah it's annoying to spar every day but it's also fun. That's his enrichment...

Jabberwock

This is what inspired it all. The exact sequence of events was that I thought to myself, wouldn't it be funny if Ed was in Jabberwock since it's usually pretty sunny and it requires a lot of work? And then I thought, and also Towa is there. And then I remembered Towa hates Ed and I laughed so hard I cried trying to envision Ed announcing that he's replacing Haru for the time being and Towa trying to electrocute him.

Ren and Ed would also be funny because as long as Ed leaves Ren alone I'm sure he'd be fine. And doubly so if he draws Towa's attention away from him. But I can't tell if after that it'd be funnier if Ren gets annoyed because Ed is actually high maintenance and if Towa isn't doing it then Ren definitely has to. And he'd hate that. OR Ed has seen all his movies and knows all his games and keeps trying to talk to him about it but in a way that pisses him off about it and he's like mad about that. Either way I can't imagine anyone in this house is happy about this arrangement and it's killing me to imagine.

Sinostra

You'll have to stick with me for this one because it's a very specific dynamic in my mind that I'm not very good at articulating but basically. Romeo is at first glad Taiga can't mess things up anymore (even though deep down he misses him) and glad Alan is capable of scaring people straight just by Looking but then Alan is like hey this operation isn't very honorable. It's a low blow to threaten and intimidate and cheat. And then they butt heads about it endlessly.

Which is why Ritsu has to come in and be the equalizer but Alan can't take him seriously because he's like you're way too skinny you have no muscle what is your diet what's your trianing like. Spar with me. And Ritsu, embarrassed and offended, is like ILL HAVE YOU KNOW IM WORKING ON IT. And Alan genuinely offers to help but Ritsu is too used to Taiga and lowkey assumes Alan is making fun of him. And Alan is sincere. So he keeps going.

Hotarubi

PLEASEEEE PICTURE IT. THINK ABOUT IT. Think about the Haku Taiga prologue dynamic and make that daily life. Now add in the fact that Hotarubi is meant to be traditional Japanese themes with grace and tranquility and then imagine Taiga is there and try to tell me that's not the funniest shit ever.

And then add in Zenji. We already know Taiga can see or sense more than others so I would bet everything he could probably sense Zenji in some way, which he honestly probably wouldn't care about but I think he'd care a lot about the doll or the biwa. Basically I think he'd try to eat it. I think he'd try to eat something and it would be chaos and hilarious and please just imagine the three of them together. Please. Please. Please.

Obscuary

House Simulator. This is the only truly fully functioning house with no problems outside of Lyca complaining about noise and annoyances and so on so forth. And that is because Rui and Haru are so used to doing like 100% of the work all the time that they both try to do it and end up finishing all the work in half the time since they've split it and now they randomly have free time??? And it's so strange??

Haru helps with breakfast and cleaning and taking care of the animals and chores and so forth and Rui helps with Peekaboo and relieving Haru's exhaustion and it's basically such a functioning pair that it's almost scary. Like Lyca is scared. But also Haru smells bad and is too high energy and LOUDDD so he's in his rebellious teenage phase atm.

Only downside is that Haru has too much bar access and has to be cut off but it's a small price to pay for a house that isn't up in flames by day one. Unfortunately it can't last bc Haru would miss his animals and Rui would feel too worried about hurting Haru so when they swap back both have made peace with it. And Lyca will still kick rocks they couldn't have Subaru.

Mortkranken

I think Subaru would become a legend very quickly but not because he's this secret medical genius but because he seems to have this uncanny ability to guess things. And the secret is that he is using his stigma fully on accident and seeing what they were up to and then Jiro is figuring it out from there. And he keeps trying to give Jiro credit but nobody will listen.

He's also squeamish. Like he can't handle blood so when Jiro is like 'Move that to the other table please' Subaru is happy to and moves this weird lump under a sheet and the sheet falls off and its a severed arm and Subaru faints. and Jiro laughs for a second before putting Subaru on the table and making sure he's like actually okay. And they are both very patient with one another and very cordial. But it's so so awkward. And Subaru honest to god does not know how to take care of Jiro and is constantly having to ask Yuri how to do things except Yuri is always occupied by Frostheim so Subaru has to follow Jiro's instructions and they are both praying Every Day.

And that's also why they're both happy when its over. Not because it was bad or they dislike each other but bc they're both glad Yuri will come back and it won't be Does Jiro Die Today Roulette. and then Subaru goes to Haku and grabs his shoulders and is likep lease do not start dying ill cry right in front of you forever. and Haku just nods slowly.

[yume-fanfare]

Do you think they will ask them what they have been doing alone for so many hours

OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY. THEY GET THE BIG BROTHER TALK. "young man you are grounded for LIFE"

[discocandles]

Charlotte, Henry, and Jasper hcs:

-Jasper gives the best cuddles in swellview, it's unreal. Piper has agreed, and she can barely stand physical contact with other people outside of a firm handshake or the contact needed to maim someone; a fist bump if you're lucky. it's also most common that Jasper is the first to ask about cuddles, especially if he notices Henry or Charlotte might want that.

It's not uncommon to see Charlotte doing homework in junk n' stuff laying against Jasper while he scrolls on his phone. Honestly, it's bad for her productivity(not as bad as the man cave but still). She wants to get her shit done, but that requires grabbing her backpack, and it's comfy where she's at right there. After like a minute of mentally being at war with herself she'll be like "Is it ok if I go to the man cave to grab my backpack? I'll be right back." and Jasper's like "yeah, no problem." and Charlotte's like "ok thanks".

-They have a 1 spotify account between the 3 of them. How they manage to share a singular account is beyond me, and the laws of reason, but they do it. It's technically Henry's account, given he pays for the premium subscription, but it wasn't just his for more than like a week. Their spotify wrapped playlist is disjointed to a comedic degree. Don't even try to get through their liked songs.

They have separate personal playlists for their personal favorites. but the playlist names are indecipherable if you are not them. and they will judge each other's music tastes in the playlist description.

-This might be canon, but Charlote can read Henry like a book. Henry's eyebrows move a centimeter, and Charlotte is getting a burrito bc she sees that he's craving one. She knows the degree of "Is Ray shitting me?" that Henry is feeling the second he comes out the tube, the mask affects nothing. Everyone kinda writes it off like "It's a bit creepy, but it's also Charlotte" & "that's a normal smart person thing to do." which no, it isn't.

Charlotte is most accurate with Henry, but Henry can read Jasper better than Charlotte can, and Jasper can read Charlotte better than Henry. It moves in a triangle of sorts. They also read each other's emotions in different ways. Charlotte goes off of facial expressions, Henry by the tone of their voice, and Jasper by general body language.

-Henry is probably the best cook out of the 3 of them. None of them are particularly bad at cooking per say, but Henry is the best at it. He tries to play it off at times and suggest that they get take-out on his nights to make dinner, but that's almost always a no from Charlotte and Jasper unless he's exhausted. Also the take-out in dystopia is terrible, even by shitty take-out standards. Like you do not get take-out in dystopia unless you *have* to.

Henry's weak link? Grilling/Barbeque. The guy won't turn hamburgers into hockey pucks, but he hates working a grill, and the grill hates him back. But that's fine, as Charlotte was taught by the Lord of Barbeque, her uncle Rosco. And in terms of baking, Henry and Charlotte love Jasper's baking too much to try and replicate it. It works out well for them in the kitchen.

-Henry and Charlotte were in competition for best driver sophomore year. It started as a joke of who would chauffer and who would pay for gas. But then they were in the same car for driver's ed and shit got intense. They would point out if the other was one mile over the speed limit, roasting the other's parking, grilling each other on the exact meaning of signs.

They got their driver's test scores and it turns out Jasper is the best/safest driver. Henry and Charlotte tied at the decent score of 79, but Jasper got a 96. He jokes its his way of recovering after experiencing Piper drive in the graveyard, which she scoffed at. So Jasper is the chauffer while Henry and Charlotte pay for his gas.

-honestly it's a good rule of thumb that if two of them are competing, the other person will win. Jasper and Henry racing to the swellview pool in the summer? Charlotte's already there. Jasper and Charlotte at each other's throats over who gets the last slice of pie? They turn around and Henry's watching them while eating the piece in question. Henry and Charlotte are spending all day trying to beat a high score in a video game? Jasper takes a turn and his score is undefeated for a week.

When schwoz first pointed it out, it was kind of a point of contention. the 2 competing would glare at the 3rd person before snapping back to glaring at the other. But after the driver's license competition, it just became funny. Charlotte and Henry saw Jasper asking Piper and Ray their scores, laughing his ass off as grumbled about just barely passing his drivers test. And joined in laughing as Piper growled at him, but not quite ruing the fact the dmv fucked up about her license.

[yeonban]

Being in Tobias' mind is such an intriguing experience bc you'd typically expect him to only care about getting richer and richer for riches' sake like most other "villains" do, but all he wants is excitement, fun and the feeling of being alive. He couldn't care less if his life were to be put at stake, nor if his entire wealth were to vanish overnight. Sure, he's confident he could get it all back if it ever happened, but it also shows what money is to him. A means to an end, rather than the goal to strive for

[cyberpunkboytoy]

I know this song is about Sasuke, but hear me out: Mytho Princess Tutu.

[louebel]

[ " 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐂𝐔𝐓𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆! " ] — 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): luffy, robin, law, sanji, kidd × gn!reader 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: not proofread 'n quick, lots of fluff! they are all babies. (i KNOW kidd's crew raid fashion stores and complain about them if they're lackin. if. if there's a fic like that pls share in the comments. i BEG you.) also some swearing with kidd!! dripping divider by @ benkeibear like always,, i live for these dividers damn.

𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐃. 𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐘

"you too!!"

you swear his smile widens so much his face is stuck that way.

he is adorable. he smiles every day but hearing you say that? it's exactly what he wants!! he wants people to look at him smiling AND wants them smiling in the process (continuous cycle,,)

it's so easy to notice just how much he loves you saying that. round cheeks tinted pink, eyes shut, and set of teeth shared to the world. he is always so animated with everything he does, and this is no exception.

this little rubber man is immediately engulfing you in his arms!! you are not allowed to leave until he says so.

"i'm gonna make you smile too! forever! that way, we'll both look cute when we smile! shishishi!"

scratch protecting him at all costs. he's gonna protect you at all costs.

if you tell him again, grab his cheeks and shake him as if he were a pupper. if he had a tail it'd be wagging 'till he flies. will probably make all types of noises while you do it.

pat the boi.

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐎 𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍

her smile might be tender but she's giggling internally,, she's flattered!!

"is that so? i'm glad to hear that."

robin gained confidence growing up and she knew she was a gorgeous woman — but hearing it from your lips is still a surprise. sure, she gets compliments on the daily, especially by sanji, but... yours felt much more intimate. she's not blushing because she's flustered or anything, it's just because she loves you. and that comforting warmth in her chest propagated to her neck and face.

it's small moments such as this that remind her of saul's words. each day on the sunny is a reminder, but the little things reinforce those feelings. it was such a wonderful sentiment.

you had no idea what she was thinking about, but the way the corners of her lips eased, your heart jumped too.

she really did look cute while smiling.

"you look pretty, too. smile more often, dear."

she's so lucky to have you. and you're so lucky to have her.

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐀𝐋����𝐀𝐑 𝐃. 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐀𝐖

dies

you think he looks... cute?

his eyes widen and he just. stops functioning for a moment. his heart feels lighter and funnier than normal, and his smile returns, a bit more timid than before.

"... really?"

"of course!"

he doesn't even believe it— he did notice from time to time how you suddenly just,, softened when he did it but he didn't think you'd like it that much. he doesn't smile a lot, sure there are definitely various moments where he feels at peace with the crew, but they come easier with you

when he showed you his coin collection, when you both took a stroll or when you simply cuddled. law might look scary to those outside — but inside, he is still the small boy whose curiosity shined above all. he is very fond of those he cares about, even if he has trouble expressing his emotions and thoughts to others. the confidence he wore doubled for you and his loyal crewmates, but he deserved rest every once in a while. years of trauma dulled him, however, when he felt something, it was strong; almost as if breaking out of a cage. he kept them deep inside, only to burst and even tremble when he was pampered. he didn't know how to react, and only with time would he grow used to it.

so,, please be patient and take care of him,, he looks after himself with everything else, but he's a lost puppy with love and physical affection. if it doesn't show on his face, his heart definitely speeds up at every small thing you tell him, casual or not.

"thank you."

you see him smile a bit more now. give him any type of compliment, affection, or anything,, and the "cold" surgeon of death will be nothing but putty in your hands.

"and... you too."

he really does love you.

𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈

dies 2.0

"o- oh... my love! you look adorable smiling, too!"

never-ending swarm of compliments. oh and he's hugging you as if his life depends on it.

he's not really used to the sweet words and might think he's undeserving of them. sure, it's a simple smile... but that's exactly why it gets him so much. something so mundane and common yet you see a unique beauty in his and his alone. others can warm your heart too, but he does it in a different way — in a special way.

if you tell him this in the middle of the night and you're both having a calm and peaceful moment he might cry. (if it's daytime and he's feeling a lil sensitive it's tears of joy mixed with laughter,, please hold him)

he's so happy. he'll smile as much as you want him too. if that gets you to do so too, it's a win-win for everyone!

it's usually clear when he feels affectionate,, he is most of the time. but now it DOUBLES. that comment made his day.

he's so giddy and adorable.

"you light my world up, mon rayon de soleil. if i can do so too with a simple smile... then i shall every day."

𝐄𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐒 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐃

mf's smile never dropped so fast.

"the fuck do you mean CUTE??"

was about to throw a fit but then he just. stares at you. so genuine...

"why you lookin' at me like that?? stop. 'm not fuckin' cute."

staaaare...

"... zero point one percent cute. happy? now stop looking like a goddamn puppy."

but you end up smiling even more. and no matter what he thought, his heart still beat a little faster. you looked pretty cute, too.

yes. he's a bit mean sometimes but you know he means well. he's your little man. like, he made you a tiny metal butterfly once so that even if he was busy with designing and crafting you had something to remind you of him. (he sputtered profanities and became as red as his hair before storming off walking in a wall but he still peeked from a corner to see if you liked it. when he saw your pleased expression, he smirked like the lil shit he is.)

plus... deep inside, he appreciated it. you and killer always managed to calm him down.

he truly is grateful.

"urgh. c'mere. let's go get killer 'n the others to raid a store."

...

bonus after the raid: he does your makeup and uses a great lipstick he stole found to really make you pop with the looted new clothes he got for you. hyped you up and grinned like an idiot. he's doing your nails next. killer gave you a thumbs up before finding more products himself,, raiding stores sure is fun!

[ofloveandstardust]

A/N: I saw that Cain and Abel aren't like present in the show and I know they're technically Adam and Eve's kids, but let me have this please— I just wanna gush about this since it's been invading my mind.

cw: fem!reader (no pronouns, but reader is called wife/mama/mommy/mother)

Imagine: Being Adam's wife and having two sons with him.

I can definitely see him being excited over having sons. Like, hell yeah! But but but also— I have this feeling in my gut that he'd be okay with being a girl dad, sooo after having your sons he's just like "Wifey, Sugartits, Babycakes—" Any nickname under the sun until you finally ask him what he wants and he just says he wants a daughter.

You can't tell me he didn't name Abel— and 💀 It's even funnier since Abel does have a little more resemblance of his father than Cain does. Cain was named by you and looks more like you. However, you can say his attitude is similar to Adam's. I can see them both having Adam's eyes when thinking up of how they'd look, but I'm leaving things up in the air. Just for this, because I think it'd be neat, the boys are twins. Cain is the older twin while Abel is the younger one.

Cain is kind of a menace...but still a good kid. He always pulls that "Because I'm the oldest" card with Abel and if he ever whacked his brother and he started crying, Cain immediately does that thing where the sibling just panics and stops them from crying or else he's getting in trouble with mama and papa. He teases his younger brother, but will get upset if anyone tries to bully Abel. Oh, but the biggest menace he is towards? Adam. Cain doesn't hate his dad at all. No, he just prefers you more and lowkey is a mama's boy. Adam can have Mr. Perfect (Abel), but he at least has mama.

Then Adam just straight up has beef with his own son 💀 Because Cain takes up your time and he swears the little shit is taunting him when you're not looking. Cain comes up when you and Adam are kissing or anything like that, holding his hands up like, "I want Mama's kisses too... 🥺" You can't resist because that's your baby and he's so adorable. There's this stare down between Adam and Cain...meanwhile Abel, being the good bean that he is, waddles towards you all and goes, "Mama! Papa! Look what I drew! :D" and it's just a sweet little drawing of him, his brother, you and Adam.

Speaking of Abel, he's a good boi. Cain calls him Mr. Perfect sometimes because Abel has some natural talent. He's especially good with music, much to Adam's delight. Still, he looks up to his brother and despite Cain's jealousy, they do get along nicely. They have this little game where they're building their own city and decide over several elements of it. Abel somehow always brings sheep into the mix, but his brother isn't complaining.

Abel doesn't play favorites and says he loves you and Adam equally. He always wants to make sure the two of you are present at the same time when showing his accomplishments or what he's found. Speaking of which, he has special interests that last for a while until he moves on to another one or some just last a very long time. An example would be sheep, as mentioned before. He even has a lamb plushie (I can see him watching Lamb Chop's Play Along and loving the show). Cain knows how precious this little lamb is to Abel and will raise chaos if it ever gets lost or stolen (he calls the plush "The Chosen").

Here's a funny little thing: the boys not recognizing Adam in the mask he wears. From the day they were born, they always saw their father without his mask and have grown used to seeing his actual face. One day, they ask you where he was and you tell them it's work related but he'll be back to teach them some new songs. Just imagine Adam coming back, calling out that he's home, which cause the boys to rush up to him. Then they just stop because... "Mama, who's this stranger in our house!?" Abel literally starts crying— saying this isn't papa. Meanwhile Cain's mind immediately says violence is the answer (thanks, Adam). You have to calm both boys down and explain to them about the mask.

Flight lessons are stressful. It all started when Cain began jumping off of the furniture and escalated to him jumping off the bunk bed (because it'd be adorable for them to have bunk beds). So, it seems like it was time to show the boys how to use their wings. It's harder than it looks. Abel isn't okay with jumping off from anywhere unless Cain is going to jump with him. Fine with his brother because he enjoys doing this. Eventually, they're able to fly and it's a joy! They can fly around Heaven with you and Adam and it's absolutely adorable.

Cain and Abel have different ways to refer to you and Adam. Cain calls Adam 'dad' or 'papa' but does call him 'father' when he's upset or serious. Meanwhile, he calls you 'mama', 'mommy', or 'mom' (mom is more frequent when around others or strangers) and it's rare when he calls you mother. Abel just calls you two mama and papa. He'll only use mother and father if he's around people he doesn't know or meeting for the first time.

I have more thoughts about these little beans such as how they are around Lute (#1 and only Babysitter), Emily (Abel affectionately calls her Auntie Em), Sera and possibly Lucifer and Charlie (because you can't tell me Adam would not brag about having kids 💀). Like, I can see Cain being brutally honest when he first sees Lucifer because he's that type of kid. Will 100% make a comment about the man's height. There's also the fact that both boys are into music like their father. Abel once asked, "So if that's Queen, then who's the King?" when Adam tells them about Queen. Also, I can very much see Cain getting into gardening. If you want more of these then let me know!

[poppy-metal]

So we know love island!Patrick would be messy on purpose but I'm just thinking how love island!Art would be so fucking messy unintentionally.

Like going back to what you were saying about being a bombshell that seduces him. Acting loyal to his partner in front of everyone but letting you crawl into his bed in the mornings to cuddle when she leaves. Sneaking kisses in hidden corners and getting handsy with each other because he can't resist you. Telling the guys his head isn't turned just all over the place but when the next recoupling comes around he picks you and it's like he dropped a bomb in the villa because everyone truly thought he'd be the one loyal guy in the house. It'd be even funnier if he goes to the hideaway with you immediately even though he wanted to "take it slow and do it right" with his last partner lol

It'd make for some great fucking tv.

I love toxic!art ❤️ everyone is lowkey into him being a secret asshole because the whole cookie cutter wholesome boy thing was boring as hell and his relationship was bland and everyone was rolling their eyes at it - drama loving whores.

you're like a picture out of arts wettest dream. literally cherry picked for him - the type of woman he jerks off too secretly but never admits to wanting out loud. seductive and mean and flirty and no one thinks you'll turn his head but he's like wet paper. you straddle his lap during a challenge and kiss him and he can't help himself. he fucking moans into it and can't keep his hands from wandering too your ass - so fucking soft in his hands - he chases your lips when you pull back and everyone is shocked. his girl chews him out and he feels so terrible about it, promises it was just a challenge thing and he was just playing it up - avoids you like the plauge the next day - but a twist is thrown in - you get to choose a man to take to the hideaway - to spend a night with and you're like a tiger - honed in on your prey - art is like a fucking innocent little deer in your jaws. you pick him obviously and all the girls blow up. you don't care though. you only want art and you'll have him no matter how bad it makes you look or how much you're scorned for it. art swallows at the grin you give him.

he makes so many empty promises to his girl - tells her he's gonna sleep on the floor - he's not even gonna talk to her - you're obviously delusional and deranged and he doesn't even like who you are as a person - you digust him - she eventually calms down, and she's pretty sure she can trust him. all the girls are telling her so. telling her how steady art has been this whole time and that you're just a slut and a bitch and art wants a classy woman, of which you are not -

he lasts ten minutes. ten minutes in the hideaway alone with you before he's inside you - pillows knocked off the bed and your skimpy little thong pulled to the side as he slides his cock home - he hates himself, he really does - he can't even think about the consequences and how this will definitely come out and ruin everything he's built - he just can't - he can't resist you - it was hopeless from the start - and god - you're like heaven around his dick - his eyes roll back and his hips are snapping into yours immediately, fucking you how he'd never fuck his couple - fucking you like he's punishing you for making me do this - balls slapping wetly against your pussy and you're moaning into it - fingers dug into his back with your legs wrapped around his waist.

"fuck my pussy, yes, yes, yes -" you chant, licking the shell of his ear and driving him crazy. "fucking huge cock - oh my god - you need to cum in me - cum in me and fuck me all night, baby-"

jesus.

[brellafaun]

UNHINGEDPOSTING YIPPEE

today's episode is what build a bears i think the brellies would have/get. they take five as sibling bonding and he pretends to hate it but secretly loves it. allison records all of the heart ceremonies and cherishes the videos forever. i'm truly losing it i miss them so much

LUTHER ♡

luther would 1000% appreciate a golden retriever build a bear. he probably really wanted a dog as a kid but reggie wouldn't let him, so this would be kinda like healing that inner part of him (also rebelling against what reggie said!! win!!!). he would probably name it something like rover or scout and get the pumpkin spice scent and some jammies for it.

DIEGO ♡

shaggy highland cow. lila would tease him while they're looking at bears by saying their hair matches. it would only motivate him to get it out of spite. cannot think of a name while at the store, comes up with one once he's home. either gets one of the button ups with a funky print or an all black outfit with combat boots, with no in between. definitely a birthday cake scent guy.

ALLISON ♡

pawlette girlie all the way. classic, but not outdated. likely matches with a bear claire has. she would commit too hard to the bit and spend way too long trying to find the perfect outfit, maybe something that matches whatever she's wearing when they go. gets either sunglasses or one of the fake lattes as an accessory. either pumpkin spice scented or strawberry.

KLAUS ♡

rainbow bearlien no i am not taking criticism. maybe a frog, but this is the funnier option tbh. he would assemble the cuntiest little outfit possible for his bear, definitely using the faux leather crop top and some boots. additionally, he might get the emotional support bear shirt. takes the heart ceremony and birth certificates extremely seriously and gets his laminated. lavender scent ftw (maybe even gets his bear weighted?? weighted stuffed animals are great for anxiety tbh)

FIVE ♡

timeless teddy bear because. he's timeless. okay listen that was funnier in my head. but i feel like he'd dig this guy because it's more like something he would've actually had as a kid. maybe it'd be like a bear he did have, sewn together by Grace. he would pretend that he doesn't want it, but he absolutely does. gets a little suit and shoes to match his (that, or he gets the emotional support bear shirt). the scents are probably a little too on the sweet side for his liking. (if she had planned it out in advance, allison would've gotten him one of the ones that has embroidery on the foot. it'd probably be something simple and grounding for when he's stressed.) immediately emotionally attached. the employees ask if it's his birthday at least twice.

BEN ♡

jennifur the cat. we all know why. but in all seriousness, i think he'd dig this one because he's got a secret soft spot for cats. it's also pretty separated from the aquatic animals, and doesn't remind him of the horror at all. gets a zip-up hoodie and jeans to match his. potentially gets a voice message in the paw, something from klaus or the whole family. fresh cut flowers scent.

VIKTOR ♡

buffalo check pawlette just kinda fits the vibe? idk man, it clicks in my brain just right. the ears and paw pads are a good texture and he jives with it. joins mr. snuggles in the lofty position of on the bed. emotional support bear shirt, little denim jacket, jeans, and boots. maybe the plaid pajamas if he's feeling a more cozy vibe. lavender scent for sure. doesn't get a box and carries it with him as they leave.

LILA ♡

mothman. she's the family's own little cryptid. it works. finds the goofiest sleeper she can and bunny slippers. gives him a ridiculously intricate name like Sir Cornelius Weston XXVII. gets diego to record a voice message for her and refuses to tell anyone what it says (it's just him saying "I love you"). laughs at five doing the heart ceremony and refuses to do it when it's her turn. cotton candy scent

...........hargreeves family going to build a bear fic when

[richeeduvie]

Post waystar, just turned into a dad Roman looking absolutely disheveled,,, like do u think he just let himself go, kinda. No need to slick back his hair anymore, no need to shave. Doesnt really wear full suits as often. Baby complains about his beard scratching her and he gets whiny and bitchy bc she wont let him hang out at his favorite spot (his head in between her legs). Just straight up looks like a dad 🥰 caveman era with his little premie baby girl and his hot milf wife. One day he just finally decides to shave because he’s dying from the lack of 🐱 eating but Baby Jr is just 😧 who is that where did daddy go

A Real Pain Kieran Culkin but make it Roman Roy finally healing with his wife and daughter outside of Waystar. Most definitely.

I think Baby likes the beard! But yeah, the pokey, scratchy feeling it gives her when he trims it short does make her complain a little, but it's good for play to get him whiny over how she won't let him eat her out until he either shaves it fully or grows it out so it's softer rather than spikey. But God, he loves how much he's grown into being a dad. Being comfortable. Where's the drabble where Baby soothed him into being confident about his weight gain cause he's just at home loving his daughter and wife?

But Baby Jr is extremely confused at a beardless Daddy, she doesn't remember when she was so little and knew his face when it was naked. In preparation, they pull out photos of Roman to show that that's her daddy.

She blinks, stares, looks up at her Mommy. Baby laughs at the little headshake she gives them. Roman doesn't find it as funny.

"She better not fucking hate me."

"Roman, relax."

He finally shaves his beard. Baby, as much as she likes it, does like to see his face clean. Feeling it, too.

Baby Jr comes toddling down the hall in her diaper and cat socks, smiling dropping when she sees Roman.

"It's Daddy with his face naked! Sup. Hi. Hi, Honey."

He stills when he goes to pick her up and she starts crying. Baby coos.

Roman wants to pull his hair out, bald the rest of him.

"I fucking told you!"

"No Daddy! Daddy?"

Baby bounces their terrified daughter in her arms as she tries to hard her laughter. It'd be funnier if Roman didn't expect himself to be perfect to his daughter all the time.

"That's Daddy. That's right, it's okay - he's right there, he just doesn't have his beard anymore."

"...I don't even look that different. I'm putting it back on."

"How the hell are you gonna do tha-"

"I don't know! Look, she's snotting cause she thinks I'm a strang-"

"She'll be fine in five minutes, Rome."

She is, Roman doesn't stop being her daddy all because the beard is gone. The sass and need to always love her is still there.

[vidavalor]

The kiss, the Book of Life and the fly...

I've not seen anyone talk about this in this way so here's a fun theory of sorts for you... one that might make the kiss hurt less, even?!?!

More under the big cutty thing...

So the threat of erasure from The Book of Life looms large, right? The Metatron's plan honestly looks like he was delaying Michael's Book of Life erasure plan for Aziraphale until he could lure Aziraphale away from Crowley and up to Heaven, which makes sense because Crowley is powerful and can raise the dead and all that, yes? Ok, so, because Aziraphale is in some major, major trouble here... let's presume this happens. Let's presume that all the foreshadowing of Aziraphale winding up getting some of Gabriel's plot from their paralleling happens and Aziraphale is stripped of memories and erased from existence. Slight problem here being...

...Good Omens largely cannot exist without Aziraphale and obviously Aziraphale is going to have to come back, correct? So how does he? Well, how did Gabriel? If you say "the fly", you are obviously correct but look a little deeper at what the fly actually *is*... it's literally *Beezelbub*.

It's not some random fly-- it's part of Beez's body/essence/whatever you want to call what demons have. Beez literally gives Gabriel their body and Gabriel chooses to hide his whole self there-- chooses the fly to keep himself safe and to stay with/get to be with Beez on some level, no matter what happened to him. Gabriel got to make conscious choices about all of this because he had a plan and got to try to enact one out. Aziraphale does not.

Aziraphale has been fooled into going to Heaven believing that The Metatron wants him to get to work as the new archangel but, in reality, the plan is to restart armageddon and end all life on earth. It's time for war and Aziraphale is probably inevitably going to get Book of Life'd at some point. They keep foreshadowing it and they also have parallels to it with Crowley unable to remember much pre-Fall, Aziraphale's discorporation and the Madame Tracy plot in S1, and other moments. So if Aziraphale gets erased from existence from being taken out of The Book of Life, he somehow has to *still in exist in some way*, theoretically, to be brought back... which would seem to not make sense as he was just erased, yes?

It cannot be as simple as Crowley snapping Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets back into existence. Mr. Brown was a human who existed and was killed. Crowley brought him back to life. But an angel erased from The Book of Life is then a being who never existed, right? It's not resurrection; it'd be creation, which might be the one thing Crowley cannot do because you could argue only God could. So *some part of Aziraphale must still exist* for Crowley to use to bring him back, right? There has to be an Ineffable Husbands version of Beez's fly... and there is. We've already seen it.

Just like how the fly was Beez, Aziraphale remains alive within Crowley... but how? When?

Crowley's never offered that to Aziraphale, has he?

Oh, hasn't he just, though?

For the record, I'm not saying that Crowley is suddenly going to have a Madame Tracy plot where he's like possessed by Aziraphale lol. I *am* saying that Madame Tracy as a vessel for Aziraphale's essence, Beez's fly, and the S1 Crowley and Aziraphale body swap... all of these things together foreshadow how Aziraphale survives erasure from existence. Plus, this hilarious bit below from S1 that'll seem even funnier in retrospect...

...as here is Aziraphale in S1, in a state of semi-non-existence, in search of a body to live in long enough to try to stop the end of the world and he says to Crowley...

An angel and a demon... probably explode. Except... it's the opposite... and S2 illustrates that. In S2, they perform a miracle together and they do have immense power but it doesn't cause destruction. It protects Gabriel. At the end of the season, they kiss-- a paralleling of sorts to the shared miracle but also to other aspects of shared form. It's not possession, like Aziraphale and Madame Tracy (and like Adam's eventual separation of them/reviving of Aziraphale) and it's not the body swap at the end of S1 and it's not even quite as much yet of a sexual metaphor as 'you can find all of Gabriel's essence-- hook, line and sinker-- in a literal part of Beezelbub'... but all of those things foreshadow and suggest that Aziraphale might actually survive his trip up to Heaven because of the kiss that's literally breaking us all in pieces right now.

Because of Crowley loving him, really.

I'm not saying that Crowley intentionally set out to do this but even unintentionally, he could have opened a kind of container for Aziraphale equivalent to Beez's fly, which would then mean that Aziraphale is alive in S3... in the memories and essence of the being he loves and who loves him. Aziraphale cannot be fully erased by Heaven permanently because he's quite literally *a part of* Crowley now.

It was just (again) like Agnes said-- they were playing with fire and would need to choose their faces wisely.

[the-ace-with-spades]

I'm in the middle of a renewed obsession with cooking shows (kitchen nightmares, top chef but mostly polish editition hell's kitchen; also, watched burnt, the movie with bradley cooper, again...) and cooking for myself again (not as good...) and my top gun brainrot consensus is

I need a Celebrity Chef! Bradley AU.

An AU where he and Mav still stopped speaking when the papers pulling thing happened and Bradley left for college but when Bradley didn't have much choice but to either cook his own food (alone, without Mav's help for the first time in his life) or to starve on his college budget, he discovered some ridiculously good cooking skills there.

And you know, maybe he started a part-time job in some restaurant that went onto some equivalent of kitchen nightmares and the chef being the face of that show saw something in him and offered him mentoring and then when said chef was offered leading a new hell's kitchen/master chef show, he was there as one of the team sous chefs.

Or maybe he's one of the contestants and he either wins or he is good enough that he catches the chef's eye and gets to work and train under them. And maybe then he becomes new season's sous chef as well.

Imagine Mav turning on the TV one evening to see if he can make the new cooking show into his new guilty pleasure and seeing Bradley's face on the screen.

But I need this AU mostly because I fully believe that when they meet one way or another (either through Mav or sometime before the TGM timeline by accident) Jake has no fucking idea who Bradley is. He doesn't watch TV, he doesn't eat fancy food, and Bradley totally doesn't look like the type (hawaiian shirts, old jeans, too chill, lives in a house that looks like it hasn't had new decorations or furniture since the 80s) so when Bradley tells him 'oh I just work at a restaurant, nothing exciting' he just assumes he's a waiter or a barman or something. At that point, Bradley has his own fancy restaurant (Michelin-starred), regularly makes it onto the TV screens and is a celebrity.

So Jake would do all those ridiculous things before he finds out --- try to impress Bradley by making him burgers from supermarket ground beef, telling him his ravioli is not that good when Bradley cooks for him, taking him on a date out to a hole-in-the-wall taco place, blatantly criticizing his apple crumble because 'it has nothing on his ma's apple pie' and he might or might not have said that Pizza Hut is an okay place to go eat on a date. (And, you know, Bradley was absolutely charmed by the confidence and the dumbassery and everything in general just being so Jake, and it's not like he's a total culinary snob, he remembers how he was raised, etc).

It'd be even funnier if Jake finds out through Mav. Like, Mav asks the team to come to a dinner with his family and Bradley is holed up in the kitchen and Jake like a good southern boy asks if they need help with the food and Mav goes all, "Oh no, don't go in there, he's going to eat you alive if you even think about offering to help. My kid is some big fancy chef, he barely lets me help."

And then Bradley comes out of the kitchen with the amuse-bouche (kinda, it's not like they're in a restaurant...) and Jake has a surprise of a century because one, Bradley is Maverick's son?? and two, he's a chef??

Jake and Bradley have a little back and forth about it and then the whole squad is like, "You're dating the Bradley Bradshaw? And you, sir, your son is the Bradley Bradshaw?" because they recognize him from the TV.

And Jake finds out that not only is his boyfriend his CO's kid, he is also a world-renowned celebrity chef. And then the daggers are 0h-ing and Ah-ing at the best food they've ever eaten and Jake still goes, "I've eaten better steak."

And Mav, who has seen Bradley's rage and heard his rants about people having no taste tenses up until Bradley laughs and says, "Will do better next time, baby."

Years down the line, Bradley always repeats in the interviews that his husband is his toughest critic.

Maybe he's even asked to be the face of a new hell's kitchen-like TV show and one of the challenges for his contestant is cooking something his husband will like. Also, maybe cooking something from Mav's recipes in a way that will remind him of his childhood...

(Bonus points if Bradley is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict person non grata just like Adam from the Burnt movie... also, maybe it was Mav who kicked his butt into recovery??)

[harmonysanreads]

Imagine how much more funnier it'd be if the reader from the sumeru love hexagon au actually doesn't want to be around Alhaitham at all. They get along pretty well, yes, but Alhaitham's prodding personality just drains them. But since they're so nice, they just can't bring themselves to tell him to leave them alone to his face, so they try to avoid him subtly, sometimes tone bordering on passive aggression. But unfortunately, it backfires as Alhaitham's interest is piqued further and now he's even more hell-bent.

Or, Reader is intimidated by Cyno's reputation so they try their best to stay away and Cyno thinks they don't deem him worthy enough to duel :( Naturally, he needs to prove you wrong.

[mikuyuuss]

This is for @loosesodamarble and other platonic! Giyuu Mitsuri enjoyers who don't mind a sprinkle of my oc! My modern au where Giyuu and Mitsuri became friends through my oc Akari!

As much as I enjoy the canon setting, I thought it'd be fun to imagine an au were they all got to live their best lives. I think Akari and Mitsuri would sooo thrive in a modern setting. Giyuu in canon is a very lonely character too, so in my au, he gets to experience having FRIENDS. :D

-I feel like Giyuu enjoys being around sunny and cheerful people like Rengoku, so it makes sense that he'd also enjoy Mitsuri's presence! But I think Giyuu wouldn't know how to approach them, which is how my oc Akari comes into the picture!

-Akari has a lot of things in common with Mitsuri, but she also sympathizes with Giyuu's tendency to isolate. Akari is close to both of them so Giyuu and Mitsuri also became friends through her!

-Mitsuri would cheer on Akari about her crush on Giyuu, and she would try to play matchmaking with them.

-Mitsuri would happily share Giyuu her advice on what gifts to give Akari (and she would not to subtly give him some love advice. XD)

-Eventually Giyukari and Obamitsu would go on double dates. I imagine Obanai gets comically annoyed by Giyukari interrupting his alone time with Mitsuri, and the latter being somewhat blissfully unaware. (I made this meme back when barbie hype was at its peak)

-It's funnier in my head imagining Mitsuri and Giyuu getting along just fine, while Akari and Obanai are trying their best to be civil XD

-Mitsuri and Akari are also third wheels to each other's respective relationships! Akari supports Obamitsu but she doesn't get along with Obanai, so she's mixed feelings about it. 🤣

-All three of them would also bond over their attachment towards Nezuko! (Akari and Nezuko both have a shared hobby of sewing) which is why I drew them all together here!

-Thanks to Akari and Mitsuri's hobby of serving looks XD Giyuu gets influenced a bit and starts expressing the inner flamboyant side of him that he doesn't get to show much! (by that he'd just like simple and relaxed clothing lol)

So uh yeah those are my headcanons for now, thanks for coming to my TED talk 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

[blacklegsanjiii]

Laying something new out for ya here... This is just a silly AU

But AU with a girl sanji who is very androgynous because 1. Those suits hide her curves very well and she isnt that big chested 2. She has short hair because she likes it better then that but also one time when she was like 10 Zeff accidentally fucked her hair up and she had to go short- and the style just kinda stuck. 3. She has a deeper voice that can pass as a higher guys voice because of the smokes And 4. Canon sanjis behavior is already a fine mix between masculine and feminine so its not that suprising

So when she joines the strawhats none of them fucking know she's not actually a guy and she also just... Doesnt bother mentioning it to them (i kinda love the idea that SANJI also doesnt realise that they dont know, theyre all idiots)

So when they give her a tour of the ship and point to a bed in the mens bunks saying thats her bed she doesnt even blink an eye, she's spend like 10 years around guys at the baratie and sleeping around them is something she's familiar with

And bathing, we all know besides nami robin and sanji the rest barely shower and when they do they just miss each other

Idk just seemed like a funny idea and wanted to hear your thoughts!! When do you think they would realise and how would if play out 🤔 also how longer it plays out how funnier 😭

That's...that would be her luck. That's so funny.

She let Zeff cut her hair once when she was younger and cried afterwards because he cut way too high and had to deal with the emotional fall out of that because it reminded Sanji of her mom's. It's easier to maintain so she just keeps it short. Zeff is surprised she still lets him cut it but he guesses it's already short so he can't fuck it up much more. She wears suits and as she grows up as one of the guys and while she has her own room it's not much and she still has to get used to waking up shitty men in their bunk room because they're running late to prep and shit.

Between, the hair, the suits, the smoker's voice, and the barely A cups she has she's so androgynous. The regulars know, Mihawk who's had her cook his food and serve his wine and Garp who is passing through. After Sanji joins the crew and they defeat Arlong and Sanji is being shown around she doesn't care and just flops in a bunk to sleep. Maybe Sanji doesn't notice at first because she's mostly called Black Leg but she's being referred to as a boy, is being sent to the boy's quarters, is being called mister. She just shrugs it off as it keeps happen.

When they get the Thousand Sunny Sanji still doesn't move into the women's room, there's just more room in the mens room so she's in there, doesn't question it still. When she's in Kamabakka and going through bridal training Ivankov calls her candy boy she is straight up frowning at them and asking what they mean. She's a girl. She gets like B cups after the TS and Ivankov has tried to convince her to stuff her bra or something. She grows her hair out to shoulder length. I think it'd still be hilarious if after the TS no one still knows until Zou/WCI/Wano.

Like on Zou Sanji doesn't confirm or deny anything just promises she'll come back. Everyone is confused about the Princess thing and so when they go get her. She's in dresses through out all of WCI and during the escape as Judge is shit talking her and Luffy is confused about Judge saying all the best things about her and calling her a girl? Sanji says she is a girl, has been since she was born. Chopper knew but didn't disclose it because he thought Sanji was trying to keep it a secret. In Wano it's Luffy running around to all his crew calling Sanji a princess and a girl and has been the whole time they've been sailing.

They're all staring at Sanji, dressed like the men in her yukata as she stares back and tries to get them to answer why none of them except for Chopper knew. She thought she was in the men's room because of her smoking, did she actually have to be in there? Nami and Robin assure her she can move to the women's room. Nami is very excited to play dress up.

[spacenintendogs]

httyd hcs abt the gang's relationship to eret bc we were deprived.

eret has a sense of camaraderie with all of them eventually, but it's super rough to get along with anyone besides astrid & hiccup at first

him & astrid get along the best, obv. they spar, they talk shit, they open up abt serious things, they trade information

eret dealing with how quickly he's changed his life & while astrid doesn't fully understand she rmrs how quickly her mind had been changed & getting used to it.

stormfly still plays fetch with eret (with a stick or... with him LMAO but it helps him get used to falling from large heights & trusting he'll be caught by a dragon, either her or skullcrusher)

hiccup immediately trusts eret as much as he trusts anyone he's known for years & eret doesn't know if he deserves it but he strives to make it so he does

eret has HIGH respect for hiccup & understands what he's going through to an extent as the son of a chief (tho hiccup is chief now). hiccup is one of the only ones who know eret was son of a chief.

yea i'm going off of what was said abt fire tides with eret being the son of a chief

eret figures out exactly where toothless likes to be pet & always has to give him a scratch under the chin to say hello

fishlegs enthusiasm for dragons & infodumping is a lot for eret at first, but very quickly fishlegs unabashedly is sweet, gentle, shy, patient, & still has the ability to bite back at ppl (mostly snotlout & the twins) & eret is like okay word

fishlegs helps eret understand skullcrusher more, as he's more than eager to step into the role of teacher (this makes hiccup happy)

fishlegs tells eret abt his family's regatta history & eret is actually invested!! he's interested!!! in turn, eret shows fishlegs his ship!!

eret: (sees meatlug) oh. (gives her a snack) (gives her a snack) (gives her a snack) (gives her a

we know snotlout sees eret as a rival but eret doesn't Care™️ but it'd be funnier i think if eret doesn't Care™️ but also enjoys mildly taking the piss out of snotlout for fun

it's so easy to work snotlout up & after eret's had his fun for a few months he casually brings it up to snotlout & snotlout wants to crawl into a hole & die

they do become good friends & it's weird for ppl outside of the gang bc eret is so dry towards snotlout vs snotlout still getting in eret's face (affectionate)

hookfang just likes to push himself into eret's personal space & cuddle(?) so eret just allowe it LMAO

it's ruffnut's bluntness that has eret finally relax around her.

she defends him in a rather mundane event of eret getting heckled (again) by berkians who don't trust him (this is like, month 5 of him living on berk) by looking at each viking & roasting them calmly from the ground up with information they didn't know she knew

eret tells her thanks & she just... smiles at him. so he gives her a kiss on the cheek & it's a rare moment of ruff getting slightly flushed

tuffnut is actually very easy to get along with. he always checks on eret & makes sure he's doing alright (in his tuffnut way)

tuffnut is so blasé abt things while also being one of the most hyper ppl eret has ever met & it's so intriguing to eret how someone can be a walking contradiction but make it make sense so easily

tuffnut gives eret unprompted pep talks & eret tries to respond in kind instead of fully brushing tuff off & tuff is like :D

barf & belch are as chaotic as their riders & maybe... maybe... eret will enable them on occassion (yes he will. what? it's funny).

eret rlly learns abt everyone & learns to like them for them as they like him for him :)

also they all saw him without a shirt ONE TIME (1) & haven't shut up abt it since