#but it's more of a projection honestly

[bokvshou]

when tfs came out I saw jokes saying that haru was literally possessed by albert and that's funny af but it also made me want to tell how, for me, this is comparable to one of my bpd episodes.

spoilers for free! the final stroke part 1&2.

first of all, disclaimer: I'm not trying to speak for all the people with bpd because we're all different. I'm just going to share how I related the scene (and haru) to how I experience my own episodes.

for those who don't know: "bpd" refers to "borderline personality disorder". is a mental disorder characterized by unstable relationships, intense mood swings, fear of abandonment, intolerance to be alone, frequent feelings of emptiness or boredom, and other symptoms. we don't really know what causes this disorder, but it's believed that shit like abuse (physical, emotional or sexual), childhood neglect, unstable family life or even genetics are part of the reasons.

anyway.

in an episode the symptoms vary by individual, but in my case they usually start after attacks of anxiety or anger, and sometimes due to depression. the most common trigger for me though is the feeling of abandonment, and jealousy.

the thing with bpd is that we tend to get extremist. like, a lot (this is known as splitting). for me sometimes "I forgot to tell you that I won't be able to see a movie with you today, sorry!" can mean "I don't care about you and I don't want to be with you anymore". a simple problem can turn into something bigger and affect my head in an atomic way.

(and here we must take into account that negative experiences or emotions carried over and accumulated from before make things much worse. in this case, I mean that haru already has very bad memories regarding rin stopping swimming when he's involved).

so, what happened here? well, exactly that. haruka felt safe because he thought rin would be by his side and he was brave enough to actually tell him (something we know haru has a hard time doing), so when he found out what was going on, his mind took it as something IRREPARABLE.

haru's mind thought "I'm completely alone, rin left me, he doesn't want to be with me anymore, he abandoned me again" instead of "rin is not going to swim with me this time".

although rin was only sacrificing swimming together in the present to be able to do it later in the future, with a long-term mindset, haru took it as a rejection. the terrifying idea of ​​abandonment and the feeling of rejection was the trigger, and from that moment on, haruka's head no longer understood reasons.

it is worth mentioning that it's not the first time haru has acted like this. in fact, most of his conflicts throughout the seasons and movies share similar roots: abandonment, the feeling of loneliness, or some of his close relationships going their separate ways from him.

it happened with his best friend, it happened with his family, it happened with ikuya, and more than anything... it happened with rin. and the thing is, with rin it's always more intense, I mean, we have to remember that after all, rin is the reason why haruka was, canonically, in a depressive episode for 4 years. it's to be expected that being involved in this type of situation with him affects haru a fucking lot.

a clear example in S1, when rin (also with depression at the time, 100% confirmed) wanted to "move on" by getting rid of haru, and we can literally see how the light escapes from his blue eyes, totally hopeless and heartbroken. haru is NOT able to accept the idea of ​​rin abandoning him. for haru the world ends the moment rin even mentions walking away, or stopping swimming, or anything similar, as seen several times.

long story short, for me haru has symptoms of bpd.

and what happens during an episode? well, I get irrational. my emotions are at 300%, I'm defensive, I explode with little provocation and I speak without thinking. haru felt hurt and that was exactly what he did, and in HIS head he was totally justified.

sometimes, in that fragile state of mind, it's... easy to say out loud all the stupid, negative, aggressive and hurtful shit you could think of. haru exploded, and subconsciously wanted to hurt rin and make him feel just as miserable as him. something like: you broke my heart and I will make you pay for it.

bpd's a lil bitch.

in those moments your perception of reality is soooo damn wrong and your head only processes what it wants: he cheated on me, he doesn't love me anymore, he is abandoning me, he prefers another person, they are lying to me, etc etc etc.

and for the others involved it's all confusing because they don't understand how you went from being perfectly fine to... that, and they don't know what they did wrong. (they probably didn't do anything wrong).

so, the albert situation™.

albert appears to haru as someone intimidating, with enormous power at the cost of being completely alone, something haru doesn't want and is afraid to face that possibility. albert serves as a physical representation of this fear.

the whole "his eyes change color and now haruka's possessed omg" thing is not literal, obviously. in addition to serving as a nice visual resource for the film, for me it's a good way to demonstrate something that happens with bpd: splitting, and symptoms such as paranoia, self-sabotage, and impulsiveness.

splitting.

it's not like haruka's possessed or we're having some "dark!haru" concept going on, haru is just splitting. splitting is basically a defense mechanism that is done unconsciously in an attempt to protect yourself against strong negative emotions like loneliness or abandonment. splitting makes one see things in absolute terms, something black/white and prevents you from recognizing any gray areas in events, people, or thoughts because supposedly the point is to easily discard the "bad" things and embrace the "good" things to protect yourself.

but seeing and responding to the world in such an extreme way can leave a person exhausted and emotionally drained. it also ends up leading to big ass problems in relationships because those close to the person end up being affected by their behavior.

paranoia.

haru looks absolutely terrified when albert "shows up". I mean, for me this is comparable to the moment when intrusive thoughts arrive. haruka gets upset, and begins to doubt his decisions, future, relationships and is afraid that his fears will come true.

then his guard is up and it looks like an anxiety attack with tachycardia, stress and cold sweat included. albert, like intrusive thoughts, comes out of nowhere and is psychological torture.

impulsiveness.

each and every one of the things he said to rin were on impulse. he wanted rin to listen that shit? never. was that how he wanted to say it? of course not. but he did it without thinking. did he really mean everything he said? I don't necessarily think so, but maybe it was a grudge accumulated from a long time ago, I mean, it's not like he told a lie, rin himself later admits that he knew how he was acting but preferred to pretend that he didn't see haru's feelings.

so, it's not that albert controls him, it's haru himself acting impulsively based on his fears, anxieties and paranoia. he's defensive because he's hurt and full of trauma and ptsd and he feels betrayed and vulnerable.

a "spirit" version of haru can be seen outside his body trying to stop himself. this is obviously not literal either, it's the part of his brain that is rational, that knows what he's thinking isn't true and wants to control himself, but during an episode YOU DON'T LISTEN.

self sabotage.

someone with bpd tends to sabotage themselves a lot, and that's exactly what haru did. he instigated a fight with rin, was then left alone and miserable, and instead of fixing it, he used it to further sink himself into the horrible mindset he was already in. because in his head there was no other option to take.

haru could have tried to understand rin's decisions, could have reacted better, that is expected, is the way a functional person works. but the thing with bpd is... you DON'T GET IT. for haru, rin was rejecting him and his brain went into survival mode. end of the story.

then, when the outburst passes and you "come to your senses," all that remains is regret and guilt, and a thousand questions of "why did I do that? I shouldn't have said anything, why did this happen? why do I always mess everything up?" and you go into a spiral.

and knowing haru it's obvious he's going to take all the blame on himself because it's what he's been doing since he was a kid and no one has EVER bothered to correct and comfort him. on the contrary, other people have only further buried the idea in his head (thank you, hiyori).

well, what happens next? depends on the person. self harm, suicide attempts, isolation... you become difficult to approach, you feel empty, you try to stay alone even if your condition worsens. and what does haru do? he exercises TOO much and worsens his physical condition to the point that he falls asleep in random places due to exhaustion. a form of self harm if you ask me.

sometimes I feel like I need a prince charming in armor but at least 80% of the time I have a lot of trouble getting out of a dark moment by myself. and at least in my case, after one episode I go back to a depressive spiral, and it's worse than the last. it's very painful and distressing, and you do NOT know what to do and in your head there is no damn solution, you're completely alone and it's all your fault. and that can end very, very badly.

and by "very badly", I mean things like self-harm and the desire to kill yourself, because these types of behaviors are very common in patients with bpd. please whenever someone with bpd tells you they feel that way, take it seriously.

something else I noticed and would like to say is that bpd can include somatization (when your emotions show up as literal physical pain) and haru just goes through that here, falling to his knees with intense pain in his chest.

and I mean- no, it wasn't necessarily obvious, haru.

for someone with bpd it's NOT obvious even the simplest things, especially if it has to do with the feelings of others towards us; it's the lack of emotional permanence, and that is why we desperately need the constant reassurance and search for approval.

but if you want me to say it "simple": haru is traumatized with rin leaving him, rin implied that he would, in a way, and haru and his ptsd responded defensively. because haru needs therapy, let me tell u.

finally: none of this invalidates the fact that rin felt bad about what haru said, although it's true they have never sat down to talk about what happened when they were kids, and rin's issues are a whooole other can of worms.

[rivalkieran]

Glorious Day - Eve ft. Hatsune Miku

[squidthusiast]

Sometimes you just need a good hug

[egophiliac]

Wait, did you put a photo of Vil and Neige as kids in Eric’s office??

oh good, I was afraid that wasn't going to read properly and people would just be like "what is this supposed to be". :') but yeah! I like to think Eric was pretty fond of Neige as a kid! single dad sees orphan child approximately the same age as his own son and goes "hmm. okay, you guys are going to be friends now." (this did not go as well as he'd hoped.)

(also I do love how it's kind of a running joke that everyone loves Neige except for Vil, who's standing over in the corner and just seething with furious irrational hatred. someday maybe he'll find someone who doesn't think Neige is the best thing since cinnamon rolls.)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Started a new book series, and has been a journey...an Odyssey, if you will.

[koszmarnybudyn]

Arthur's lap is a perfect place to sit :]

[mizzyislost]

apparently theres some rain world fandom discourse going around?? thats crazy anyways heres my gourmand and artificer as one of my favorite pieces of sonic fanart (its the last one)

[princess-ibri]

Ok @galacticnightsky123 ya talked me into it xD

Here's a redesign for the Live Action Snow White cuz goodness knows it needs all the help it can get

I wanted to keep the hallmarks of the classic dress but, in the words of the goldstandard of Disney Live Action Remakes "key it up a bit".

I tried to tie the dress more into a Renaissance time period while still keeping it fairytaley. I also wanted to give it something new to help set it apart from the original dress, ala Cinderella's with her butterlfies. So I decided to give Snow her own symbol, in universe.

Disney always gives her apple imagery but I felt that wouldn't make sense in the story itself, so I opted for a snowdrop flower, as that's actually her name in an earlier version of the Grimm's story.

I also did some deigns for her peasant dress, tying it back in more to the time period (was delighted to find the wooden shoes were period accurate) and I also designed a day-dress for her to wear as well. This would be something made later at the dwarf's cottage. A lot easier to run around the woods and clean in then that big old ball gown xD

Also I think I'd pull in a bit of the old Snow White stageplay as well, in this hypothetical rewrite, and have the Queen be pretending to send Snow White off to school, or maybe even pretending to send her to visit the Prince, with the intention of having her killed along the road, to explain why she's all dolled up in such a fancy dress.

Finally I couldn't resist doing a wedding dress for her, based of course on the old concept art from the og movie for the wedding scene we didn't get.

Hope ya'll enjoy! I don't know if I'll do more redesigns (maybe Belle's gown at least) but this was fun! Thanks for the suggestion!

[mossy-paws]

Sword PHIGHTING! period cramps moodboard

Gods mightiest warrior…….

Og image:

ANYWAYS EXTRA BITS!!!! So. Yeah. I wasted exactly 27 hours and 29 minutes of my life making this over a period of like. ~a week and a half LMAO????? I THINK IT WAS LONGER?? Yeah all of these are completely redrawn from the Og “panels”, replicating the dungeon meshi style is. MISERABLE I don’t know why I did this to myself holy fucking shit, all of you blame @squiffer-salad for this monstrosity she’s the reason why this exists in the first place /silly

anyways, I highly recommend looking at the panels individually because I put a lot of fun extra bits in them and just. A LOT of effort in general, any likes, reblog’s, or comments are insanely appreciated since this did take such a long time :’DDD, everything in these minus the backgrounds are completely redrawn/shaded/and colored by hand, this includes mid/screen tones as I used specific layers for those! anyways thank you for coming to my period cramp projection ted-talk I’m going back into my Everglade hole.

[chiricat]

wip dump since i’ve hit artblock for the first time in a while…

1. neon genesis evangelion x persona protags

2. persona kizunas (from prsk)

3. rise & airi swap places (with yu & shizuku supporting)

4. airiena sanrio collab

[0yorixu]

i will never feel lonely ever again

happy birthday rui kamishiro from the hit game project sekai colorful stage featuring hatsune miku, you are my number 1 fav and kin and I will treasure you for a long time. Your ending will be a happy one.

[necrotic-nephilim]

what's fun about shipping Tim with Dick, Jason, or Damian is he has, at some point, hallucinated all of them to comfort himself. even when he doesn't like them or particularly get along with them, he has to imagine/hallucinate them just so he has the power to go on. Tim's concepts of the Robin mantle and what it should be is so fun, because he respects the others through the Robin mantle. Tim worships Dick because he was the first Robin. he wouldn't be Robin if Jason hadn't died in the mantle. and a lot of his frustration with Damian is he feels Damian isn't honoring the mantle correctly. when you ship Tim with the other Robins you can't divorce their identities as Robin from it because Tim will always see them as a Robin first and that's so fun and fucked up. like.

batman (1940) #456

Tim perceiving Dick as *Robin* cheering him on, not Nightwing, which is the version of Dick that Tim actually knows? that's just. wild of him. he will always view Dick as Robin first, his personal hero but also the original of the legacy. his love for Dick is shaped by that.

and then of course, even when he's hallucinating/imagining Jason cheering him on, it's *still* through the lense of being reminded how Jason failed? subconsciously believing that Jason got himself killed because of his actions, and that being a lesson for Tim to learn from? Jason isn't a person to Tim, he's a moral lesson about how to be Robin. any potential idolization he could have of Jason isn't because he loves Jason, it's because of the lessons Jason's death taught him.

and then, even though him hallucinating TIm is from the New-52, which makes characterization all kinds of questionable, i do think it makes sense for TIm to hallucinate/imagine Damian after Damian's death in an attempt to cope with it.

teen titans (2011) #18

to an extend, he sees Damian's death as in part his own fault. and even hating Damian, Tim needs the comfort from this to cope with Damian being gone. he's angry that Damian even was Robin, and has to learn something from Damian's death and how it impacts the Robin mantle, and teenage heroes as a whole. like, Tim can pretend he hates Damian all he wants, even getting taunted by the image of Damian, but there's still an underlying love to their relationship.

i think that's just the fun of shipping Tim with any of them. you will never divorce Tim's views of them from the Robin mantle and how fucking Unwell he is about anyone else who's been Robin before or after him, to the point he has to hallucinate them comforting him when he's at his lowest. it's always going to be a little unhealthy, a little toxic, and driven by Tim's relationship with being Robin as well. i need more Tim being weird about Robin in these ships.

[cable-salamder]

Idiots with the painted face, in the corner taking up space

(Inspired by this drawing of wedding gown Nya)

I think they would just chill. Talk about their lives, maybe. Brothers, lovers, friends, powers. How they got to this point. Terry steals a child because she can. Yk, the usual stuff. (Someone please tell them their weddings will go wrong (/pos) and they can somewhat go towards happiness afterwards. They desperately need it.)

[lainalit]

The moment the fandom realized that they made up the bat boys standby archetypes for a misunderstood villain, a protective himbo and a mysterious emo boy and that their canon characters are just the opposite of said personalities by being a hypocritical nice guy, a violent drill instructor and a head-empty fvckboy is the day we as a society can move forward.

[blubblubisdead2me]

CANT SLEEP DREW MARISA INSTEAD

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.

(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)