#but just shows even lucky ppl get shit treatment

[chemicalcarousel]

Us, a system: "I'd wish I could be open about the people in my head to people outside the internet, such as family and friends that I'm close to"

Therapist: "but why do you want that?"

Us:

[serana666]

Getting on my soapbox about something I think is REALLY important for chronically ill ppl to think about.

Being undiagnosed and disabled is a terrible experience. You’re screaming into the medical void for ANYONE to please SEE YOU and help. You start thinking “is it just me? Could it just be in my head? What’s wrong with ME?”

And I’m here to tell you, it’s 👏🏻NOT YOU👏🏻 it’s THEM. (The doctors)

I have been through the grueling process of becoming totally disabled by chronic illness, without knowing what it could be. I picked up diagnosis’ along the way: RA, then lupus, then fibro. And I am LUCKY that my blood worked with me to show those things, not everyone is so lucky.

I kept thinking (foolishly buying into the narrative doctors try and sell you) that if I could just get a *serious* diagnosis I would finally be given access to the care I needed, that ALL disabled people need. That was never the case at any step in the process.

When I was diagnosed with RA and began having symptoms outside of it, that were completely debilitating my rheumatologist told me I just needed more exercise and activity. I told them specifically I had fatigue so strong that I was loosing the ability for basic functioning.

When I found a new rheumatologist and was diagnosed with lupus I thought my troubles were over. Then she started saying weird shit like “do you have a boyfriend? You’re so pretty!”

She found out I was a lesbian when I brought my girlfriend to my appointment to be my advocate. Her whole demeanor changed to me and I spent 6-8 months with her receiving no treatment. They kept saying “oh it’s the insurance” nope they sent me letters telling me this office was not following up.

So I moved to a blue state literally out of fear that I would die waiting on these bigoted doctors. I got a rhum in a blue state. I was diagnosed with secondary fibro. Again, I foolishly believed I would finally be in the clear. No, she still minimizes and blinks at me when I describe my pain.

Doctors are not our allies, even though they should be above all else. They find ANY excuse to minimize us. So if you are someone who is undiagnosed or with a diagnosis that is misunderstood/not taken seriously , they will milk that for all it’s worth. 👏🏻ITS NOT YOU👏🏻

I’ve seen people in disabled communities minimized for their race, their weight, their gender, their sexuality/queerness, their age, their diagnosis or the lack thereof, ITS NOT YOU!

You know your body, and the pain you feel BETTER than any doctor that has been trained to systemically ignore you!

Don’t let them tell you what your reality is. It’s such a knee jerk reaction for minorities to do this to themselves.

You deserve medical care that isn’t contingent on your doctors bias’. We NEED more empathy. Don’t let their disregard for your life leak into the love you NEED to give yourself. 💕

[fecto-forgo]

Character ask game:

Suzy 1, 2, 20, 25

Forgo 4, 9, 23, 25

Elfilin 1, 3, 14

Zan 1, 2, 14, 19, 20, 23

this feels like i finally got fed after three weeks oh my god the excitement is getting physical my throat hurts from breathing too fast AKHSKAHSKAJAK

susie!

1.why do you like or dislike this character?

i rlyyy like how susie is ultimately awful bc its for her benefit thats still fueled by a sympathetic reason i think that makes her extremely interesting.also shes so funny i love characters who r painfully teenage girlie feminine

2.favorite canon thing about this character?

"yippee!" said the susie after her seemingly successful revenge plan.extremely funny of her.

20.which other character is the ideal best friend for this character?

obligatory mention wave 3 in general all would get along w only mildly wanting to kill each other out of sheer annoyance.also i think you can pair susie w any of the other female characters n theyd get along great after a month of her having an obligatory one sided girl rivalry w them.ive said this before but i think you can put her in any 00s girl cartoon abt an overly feminine friend group n shed thrive in the new environment

25.what was your first impression of this character? how about now?

i was soooo hyped to play robobot bc she was cute n sounded extremely funny n ppl were mad she was too bad for reasons that sounded like double standards bs which is essentially like an arrow pointing me towards the character getting that kinda treatment 🩷

fecto forgo!

4.if you could put this character in any other media, what would you put in them?

i think we should throw it in invader zim i think itd have fun there.i already associate a lot of scenes between zim n gir w forgo n elfilin lmao

9.could you be roommates with this character?

yah i think we would get along well 🩷

23.favorite picture of this character?

COMPUTER PULL UP MY 100 NOTES FORGO POST

very nice. (credit)

25.what was your first impression of this character? how about now?

it was literally love at first sight my bestie wanted me to check the final boss song for katfl to tell her the vibes but the only upload was that video that only has like.inner code names for the songs so i missed elfilis n clicked chimera instead n was like oh holy shit this is MAD good!!! then she finally got to the end of the game n omg silly little revenge fetus 🩷🩷🩷 so silly 🩷🩷🩷 i love you 🩷🩷🩷

elfilin!

1.why do you like or dislike this character?

i think elfilin is cute n looks like a 00s deviantart oc n is extremely funny to bully.i wish i had smth big to say on him but hes just entertaining.lil guy.i wanna waterboard him for shit n giggles

3.least favorite canon thing about this character?

as i saiddd theres.not a lot to say on him?? thats the answer for the question btw theres just.not a lot to him other than some of his dialogue shows he has never been outside before.i feel? i dont own katfl but from reading summaries n the script it feels bc they RLY wanted the forgo elfilis lab split twist to be this huge secret thing elfilin ended up paying in just being a silly goodie two shoes amnesiac half.hes fine i like him! just.not a lot to the little man in comparison to modern kirb characters n even his twin.

14.assign a fashion aesthetic to this character

SOMEONE THROW HIM IN OLD 00S SCENE WEEB KID DEVIANTART HE NEEDS IT.HE NEEDS THE CARAMELLDANSEN HE NEEDS TO WATCH LUCKY STAR HE NEEDS TO TRACE BASES ON MS PAINT N MAKE KANDI BRACELETS

zan partizanne!

1.why do you like or dislike this character?

i think its v clear by now if a girl is mean n funny abt it i will immediately start stanning.check that.she has a little plot of being very attached to a figure who can be interpreted as a parental figure despite said figures mistreatment.check that.shes cute.check that.she laughs abt trying to kill someone.check that.her mental illness is severe.check that.shes yellow best color after pink.check that.she has the social skills of moldy cardboard in the "just seems angry n mean??" flavor.check that.well damn seems like she meets all my standards!

2.favorite canon thing about this character?

omggg what do i even chooseeeee her mean nicknames r so funny i love how they contrast she calls her sisters "darling franny and berge" but i also love how silly her attack names r.you got the coolest reference to a god n then "spell it w Z so it sounds cooler" "named after candy/rock music" but i alsooo love the severe tragedy of her relationship w hyness n her 50 mental disorders.the clinging to someone who cast her aside like a broken weapon.the clinging to an ideology that ends w a guaranteed paradise after being an inevitable willing death that was given to her by the one who saved her from her own attempt at ending her life.

but i also love shes such a little cutie pie <333 girlie pop laughs when trying to kill you n wanted to see a shooting star sooo badly (we ignore she harassed a child over this) (her awful behavior is an ideal coping mechanism to her inner turmoil! if we try giving her anything else shes gonna get mad or stare at the wall blankly for 20 minutes)

14.assign a fashion aesthetic to this character

i wish i could but frankly im not sure her closet is anything but 50 copies of her cult outfit like a cartoon characters.i think if you placed her in a fashion store she wouldnt know what to do too much choice n she doesnt want to wear anything else shes gonna get overwhelmed.its a miracle she owns a different hat by the time of that anniversary illustration.rip girl go get some boots w spikes or smth maybe youll feel better

19.how about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

BEATING HYNESS W 500 HAMMERS FOREVER N EVER GOD FUCKING DAMN IT GRANDPA!!! THIS RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKED!!! GET MY GIRL OUT OF HERE (dont i dont think shes functional outside of that cult before the end of the game i think shed die) (i have overthought hcs on the the mages feelings on the cult n theyre all fucked) SHES EMOTIONALLY LATCHED ON SOMEONE WHO HASNT LOVED HER IN YEARS.ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS NOT CHOOSE REVENGE ON A BUNCH OF PPL WHO PROBABLY ALREADY DIED OVER YOUR KIDS GRANDPA!!! dont get me started on how she acts abt excusing him in that one chapter of the second novel god FUCKING damn it i hate hyness hes so lucky shed be soooo happy to have him back to normal n alive that i let him live.also bc i dont think he earned death i am going to shove the consequences of his actions down his throat till he chokes.also fucked up to put a suicidal child in your death cult listen grandpa i know you genuinely loved her back then n believed this was good for her but still jesus dude.jesus.

20.which other character is the ideal best friend for this character?

i think flamberge n francisca r an instant obvious answer like i dont even have to explain it i think before hyness' corruption the trio was glued to each other most of the time

for some other answers i think shed get along well enough w taranza they probably go to the same therapist for like half the same issues.also for some reason this made me think of what a funny bad mess itd be to put taranza during/right after triple deluxe n zan during/right after star allies in the same room.christ theyd enable each others apologism for their shitty beloved leaders n enable each others self victim blaming so bad.

i am no longer legally allowed to mention susie n zan together but god knows i love yuri.

23.favorite picture of this character

TAKE ALL OF THE ONES I COULD IMMEDIATELY FIND ALL HER OFFICIAL ART IS SO GOOD I LOVE YOU BABY GIRL.MY.MY LITTLE MEOW MEOW.MY BELOVED CULT SKRUNKLY MY FAVORITE ABUSE APOLOGIST

[cloveroctobers]

• TALIA NASCIMENTO•

IG info/bio: @/callmetalia333 | 524k followers | Journalist | TALIA. but u may have formerly known me as user: brdf0rdsvasquiff—rip!!!1! so don’t even think about it 😌

(23) 25 going on (26) years of age

I’ve read a canon that her name is just Talia and not short for anything & I agree with that + she’s always quick to correct someone if they get it wrong too

Her hometown is Watford, England

but she was originally born in Maidenhead in the backseat of a car during a severe rainstorm

Nonetheless watford taught her all she needed to know when it came to music

She found her first love when she heard the sound of music soundtrack for the v first time as a young girl but is often nervous to admit that?

her father is Brazilian and is a firefighter

her mother is Bulgarian and works as a secretary in a elementary school

her mother is more traditional than her father when it comes to their cultures

I originally felt like she gave only child vibes but I can deff see her giving off big sis energy since she did mention she has a younger brother

V protective over her little brother

there’s a three year age difference

her parents have separated multiple times before which caused a riff in the family dynamic

The constant coming and going from her dad became quite irritating

And Talia was the most vocal by wanting them to figure it out and NOT get a divorce

Which led to talia’s commitment issues when it came to relationships herself

was born with blue eyes yet they shifted to brown once she grew

“Tom-boy” growing up & still is

netball was her sport and man was it something to see her play?! She was quick on her feet and can definitely shoot far-range with ease

Always down for contact sports too

She lost count how many bruises and scrapes she would come home with much to her mother’s horror but she would always brush it off—it was never that big of a deal to her

yet she takes time in healing her scars with homemade treatments or purchases from beauty stores when she wants to show her legs off

she didn’t get into “girly” wear until recently, she never thought too much of her body or when she started to get curves...she always hid that behind big tee’s, fitted jeans, and kicks—that’s what she was used to

she’s got broad shoulders and toned arms

had thick bushy brows that almost formed a uni brow growing up

her mother used to have her hair always plaited since she is very superstitious, believing that “the devil lives in the woman’s hair”

yet talia’s hair texture was much different than her mother’s, maybe due to the fact that her mother always had her hair up and out of the way? Talia’s hair is much bigger, heavier, and naturally curly

+ her mother used to say some harsh things in Bulgarian about her hair — that says a lot when you’re taught to hate your hair trust!!!

when she got a little older and able to manage her own hair + afford it, She learned how to love it herself and that’s all that mattered. Her hair became v important to her, it was her source of comfort

that’s the only thing she’s high maintenance about tbh

she spends a lot of money on her hair but devacurl can still piss off

diffusing is one of her fav things to do to her hair—besides washing it, and deep conditioning, after a night of letting her hair air-dry

loves rose jam

has a embroidery machine, along with a collection of her work but only one piece is showcased in her flat. She didn’t want her place to look completely like her bába’s (Bulgarian: grandmother)

her closet is filled with many Havaianas, they’re all piled up in a wicker basket and ready to tumble over on her top shelf... if she moves one of the ceramic pots her mother left in her flat for luck, that whole shelf might come crashing down

Swears drinking guaraná the next morning cures any hangover you may have

commonly sleeps in big t-shirts and panties or not or booty shorts depending on her time of the month—it’s freeing to her

Has torn her achilles due to whatever contact sport she decided to join in on during a beach vacation with her mates

has a touch of arthritis in her shoulder

this is where her love for massages came from due to injuries she’s faced

+ It’s always a good sign when you can make someone else feel better ya know?

She’s been told she’s great with her hands ;) it all takes practice

bi mami *cringe* but she likes what she likes, and feels what she feels

she kinda has a type but doesn’t want to admit that

her mother doesn’t understand this but her father easily accepted her preference/orientation

her little brother was the first she came out to, “alright!...you still suck”

always wants to fix situations WHEN it comes to HER friends but is oblivious when it’s come to her own issues whether its in relationships/friendships +

was called out by one of her friends who she often argues/butts heads with from time to time “you’re always sticking your nose in people’s business but can’t solve your own shit!”

maybe it’s the journalist in her? she’s not afraid to ask questions or look at things from a outside perspective

her group of friends are all from different ethnic backgrounds to Indian to Ethiopian

has been in and out of relationships...maybe had one stable relationship? Outside of mc but that relationship failed after a year and she feels it has something to do with her parents and how she watched their relationship unfold but won’t openly admit that

Doesn’t like to argue in relationships and often is a little undermining with how she responses to her partner’s feelings...she’s trying to be better at being understanding and listening, her mother is like this with her father

Aquarius girl + Scorpio moon + Taurus rising

loves the water + watching water sports rather than playing them since she almost drowned once by letting her confidence get the best of her

used to be a directioner and isn’t ashamed to admit that!

take me home album stan 100% bitch there’s no point in arguing!!! Buh bye!!!

She is ashamed however to admit that she used to write for them, mostly ziam fics with a touch of Harry thrown in the mix as well...take that how u will

has a few merch pieces as well, they’re mostly loungewear + that powdery perfume they dropped. YES she still has it, no she won’t sell it to u

still supports them on the low since you know, she’s a music journalist and reviewing songs is what she makes a living for so why the hell not? They will always hold a special place in her heart. She grew with those boys

she’s not in denial like Hannah that they’re get back together

If someone wants her to film a reaction vid to zayn’s new album or release a written review? She WILL. Her top 3? 1. When loves around ft Syd 2. Outside 3. Unfuckwitable

If someone wants to hear her thoughts on Harry’s mv’s + breaking down his lyrics, she’ll tell you what you NEED to know whether U agree or not she don’t give a damn lol

Can throw hands and stomp a bitch out if she needs too. Has gotten kicked out of clubs/bars for defending her friends mainly not because someone chatted shit to her, that’s whatever but once you cross her friends? It’s on

Allegra got lucky 🦶🏼☕️ and Lucy

remained super close with jake and tim as expected...Rohan’s cool too ofc! but she’s not here for their rapping shit sorry. She’ll hit them both with a quick side eye and snarl if they start or if jake wants to recite some poetry. She’s outta here

Talia hardly had issues making friends easily with the boys it was always harder with the girls :/

they hang out all the time!

she actually became close with sammi as well, which was nice to have another girl friend around even tho they weren’t together in the house long like the others. She’s spontaneous, cute, resourceful, and kind so talia had no issue reaching out to her first to see what she was about outside of the show

don’t even ask her about what she thinks of the new seasons, she’s not here to chat shit and have her words twisted like she’s watched many of the cast deal with. If you want to talk about the over kill use of pop as the soundtrack for each season, then yeah she’ll talk to you about that

doesn’t use social media much, she finds it funny how whenever she does pop back in people are begging her to post SOMETHING so that they know that she’s alive

Pretty private

she also can’t grasp why they want her to do the bussit challenge? Lmao like hey don’t get her wrong, some of them were pretty great but she’s barely got a bum to bounce and little booties matter ofc!!! but she can’t see herself doing it unless she’s drunk off her arse!!!

maybe mc can convince her...for the fans duh!!! “Give the ppl what they want! Talia! It’s not like you won’t be around music!” “I’ll think about it...nah.”

she’s been busier since the show, able to tour more and WRITE which is what she loves to do

Her secret pleasure is watching those nurse shows and firefighting shows in her free time and those singing shows you already know that’s a given

Wanted to be some form of a nurse growing up but knew she could help people in another way

*inserts* “music Is The best Medicine” overused but true quote here!!

I feel like she’s a r&b lover

listens to those hour long rain sounds on YouTube to help herself fall asleep

she‘s not the best cook but she’s a foodie and she’s down to try new food always

occasionally her and Tim are jake’s Guinea pigs when he’s whipping something up for his menu 

and hates eating the same things all the time unless it’s breakfast! There’s not too much more you can do with that

that’s also her specialty, making breakfast for u in bed

Morning afters with her are intimate but humorous. She’ll poke fun if you’re both looking crazy, always joking and in the best mood whether things got physical or not she’s just happy to have you here 🥲

I think her love language is quality time

if you’re playing her route and Lucy is the ex, and you’ve decided to fully commit to each other I deff see Lucy still trying to pull some shit outside of the show just because she feels like she can but once Talia see’s that it’s really starting to get to you despite how much you try to brush it off or snap at Lucy or even Talia!!! Talia is on Lucy’s ass in seconds! She doesn’t need a ex to ruin her possible future , “you’re not gonna fuck up this good thing I’ve got just cause you’re flimsy at relationships babe, so go be a cunt somewhere else or you’ll be sorry. I promise.”

anthem: Snow Tha Product — Shut up

[magical-agatha]

im rly sick of the way ppl with bpd get treated. especially on this site. a vocal minority of ppl who have bpd and acted like shitty people shouldnt factor into how other ppl with bpd get treated. its the same as saying all lesbians are terfs. but society sucks and ppl arent critical of themselves and now theres this idea that ppl with bpd are like, violent, manipulative, abusive and hysterical. which is like, incredibly ableist.

bpd is brought on by extremely severe trauma, usually in childhood. and its incredibly difficult to live with. its something you have to fight with constantly just to keep the symptoms in check. its miserable and exhausting and its hard but its all below the surface so somehow its our own fault. ppl act like we're inherently violent or abusive when rly we're just trying desperately to control the symptoms of our mental illness bc if we slip up and lose our cool or have a breakdown suddenly everyone thinks you're just like that ableist caricature of someone who has bpd.

on top of constantly struggling to control and manage our symptoms, emotions, and behaviour, all of our emotions are massively amplified. so things that hurt hurt way too much. but most of the time you cant show you're hurting bc you know it isn't fair or reasonable. you get hurt by things that you arent supposed to get hurt by, and you're not allowed to show that you got hurt bc its irrationality and unfair. and you dont want to hurt anyone so you just try to hide it and bottle it and it fucks you up bc you cant process it properly.

you have to constantly police yourself and try to figure out if what you're feeling is rational and reasonable and you have to hide all this and act like you're fine. maybe you're lucky and you have a so or friend who understands and can help you. but most ppl dont and have to manage all this alone.

and then ofc theres the irrational impulses, to run away and isolate, to lash out at ppl when you're hurt and you're breaking down and struggling to communicate and you cant tell them they hurt you so you lash out and you break and you desperately hope they understand and that they dont leave you, but at the same time you want them to leave, bc if you're alone you wont get hurt. but you desperately want them to stay. bc you need them bc you cant stand being alone. its shit like that. its a nightmare. its really fucking hard and from the outside it just looks like you're an asshole, but inside you're falling apart and breaking and losing control and you need help so badly and you arent strong enough to hold all this in all the time. but if you dont then people leave bc you hurt them. which was the last thing you wanted to do. you want to be loved and liked and to not be alone. so you have to fight constantly to act normal so people dont leave. its hell.

obviously all this is like. rambly and mostly indicative of my personal experience living with bpd. but its generally something like this. fighting your own mind constantly and feeling everything too much. sometimes so much you hurt yourself to deal with it. living with bpd is a constant struggle. and its so easy for something small to spiral and ruin your whole day. suddenly you're breaking down and sobbing and fighting the urge to hurt yourself bc of something tiny. and its not your fault but you get blamed anyway. if i didnt have the support i have i probably would have killed myself by now bc living with bpd is hard and some days it really doesnt feel worth it. im extremely lucky to have a girlfriend who loves me unconditionally and understand what im dealing with and supports me even when i break down and i dont have the energy to fight with myself.

theres a reason ppl who suffer from bpd are so prone to self harm and suicide. its a very difficult thing to live with and takes a long time to recover from. and on top of everything we have to deal with this. nasty, ableist and totally unfair perception of ppl with bpd. and usually comorbidity as well. ptsd, depression, anxiety, etc. it sucks and we deserve better treatment.

[lightrivals]

so . endgame . this is gonna be a spoiler filled review so pls skip this if u haven’t watched it!! forewarning: this is a relatively positive review and I’m a tony stan so if you disliked the movie / tony stark and want to find more ppl like you, you are not gonna find it here but I am gonna critique a few things too bc there were issues to be addressed. also, while this is a Hot Také™️ opinion piece that doesn’t mean I lack the ability to understand or even agree with the opposing opinions; this is just what I came out the theater with and still think about after discussion with others.

Anyway let’s begin!

Personally, Endgame gave me great closure for one of my favorite characters. I’m extremely Tony biased like, to a very extreme degree but he’s a character I connect with who has personally helped me through the years with his story so I think my attachment and bias can be excused a little. Even with that bias, I believe I can also understand other characters without the “I Love Tony Stark So Much” goggles shaping what I see. This is also gonna focus on the main six because this movie is dedicated to them, but all the other characters were awesome and I enjoyed their cameos/presence.

I’m gonna talk about Tony first because he’s my main focus for being so invested in the MCU. I’ve been watching the MCU since it started and 11 years later, seeing my favorite character, a character I connected with so much especially because of IM3 where he had anxiety and panic attacks like I was having at the time / still have (to a lesser degree though), die hurts so much. I could not stop crying in about the last hour when I knew he was gonna die. I’ve said it before on this site that the logical conclusion for his story is death. The only way Tony is gonna leave the armor as he’s been trying to since Avengers 1 is to die. He IS Iron Man, Iron Man is HIM, there is no difference. The only way Iron Man is over is if his life ends, too. So with that I figured this would be the end for him. I’ve been thinking he’s gonna die since Infinity War so, his death was not too much of a surprise. It still hurt like hell to see it happen, to know he’s truly gone. What hurts the most is that Morgan Stark will never truly know her father personally. She’s too young to remember much but at least she has his legacy surrounding her and loving her, knowing her father exchanged his life for her and everyone else on Earth to live freely. I did like that Tony got to see his dad one last time while he was a father himself. He got to come to terms with his dad in a way he never could before. RDJ’s acting was on point in this movie and I love him for what he’s done with Tony Stark.

I also want to point out the talk between Tony and Steve when Tony returns. I found this conversation to be very vital in addressing the issues between the two and why they possibly lost in Infinity War. I’ve said this before but the obvious thing is that the Avengers probably stood a chance against Thanos if they weren’t all split up thanks to the events of Civil War. Steve said they would fight together and lose together but as Tony points out, they didn’t lose together. They lost separately and Tony was stranded from Earth in space miles away for a month starving and dying. He had foreseen what was gonna happen and tried his best to achieve protection—his armor around the world plan—but the others merely chided him for it and then fought each other because of the consequences of not wanting that particular armor. And then they lost in the end, separated and Tony is torn. He is damaged and weak and sick and tired, he was nearly murdered and he lost the kid in turn. It is a sad moment and I was very happy it wasn’t immediate apologies when Tony arrived. The others had a month to reconcile but Tony was still dealing with what he faced alone with only Nebula and the ashes of Peter in his mind. I really enjoyed that conversation and found it to be a really good prelude to how the rest of the movie would pan out. When he took off the arc reactor and shoved it at Steve and told Steve to run and hide, gave Steve the armor and told him to do something about it…powerful stuff right there.

Now about Tony’s death: I think it was really important for him to do the final snap of ending Thanos’ war. He and Thanos have been the two at odds with each other this entire time. We know it’s going to eventually end up being him against Thanos like it was in Infinity War. But when he took the stones from Thanos and said “I am Iron Man” in retaliation to Thanos claiming he was inevitable!! Thanos is always gonna come but as long as Tony is Iron man, he will be defeated. Tony is the one who can save the universe and I think it’s also super important that he uses the most dangerous weapon ever. Tony protects the world with weapons, he started off profiting from it, but grows throughout the movies to eventually be trusted to use the most powerful weapon in the universe to save it. The Avengers trust him to use it for good and he trusts them to deal with the stones afterwards. It’s beautiful, it so beautiful. He dies with two families: his biological/iron fam and his superhero family. He dies trusting them to carry on not only his legacy but the legacy of Earth, of the Avengers, of avenging the universe in full. He is Iron Man and he finally gets to rest. He gets to put down the armor and save the universe like he’s been trying for years with the Avengers’ trust backing him up. Personally, I believe this is the hero death Tony deserved. He used to be a man who was feared for the destruction he caused and he went through a deep and thorough redemption and self-realizations to then be trusted to use the most destructive weapon for the greater good.

Now on to Thor and Bruce, two characters who I have an issue with in terms of their characterization. Thor’s dealing with a lot of shit. Understandable as hell; his story is probably the most dark given he has no living family anymore. Tony got lucky and his loved ones, Peter aside, survived. Thor lost everyone. He killed Thanos, he went for the head, but still didn’t win. His depression, anxiety, and PTSD is so valid. What I hate is that he didn’t get the same treatment in Endgame Tony got in IM3. Yes, Thor’s is a lot darker of a situation but he didn’t need to be the brunt of jokes. I understand that he is over 1000 years old and in the grand scheme of things, this moment in time is a blink and a bit of a sick joke. I understand that he falls back into his old Viking ways of alcoholism and whatnot. It’s totally understandable but I will always be disappointed in how it was approached. They still could have been humor and jokes without resorting to petty insults. I am glad though that his weight gain did not suddenly disappear. The way the Russo’s went about presenting it was insulting and demeaning but I feel it’s important as well to show that his weight gain wasn’t gonna suddenly disappear now that he’s back to being the mighty Thor.

Bruce was…okay I like Professor Hulk. I think it’s important that Bruce come to terms with his Hulk nature but the point of Hulk is that he’s angry and he unleashes it with smashing and I was just. Expecting more Hulk smash and still that dichotomy even if Bruce has come to terms with being Hulk. The thing I like is that Bruce, who was always scared of his persona as Hulk killing people got to bring back billions of lives as Hulk instead of taking those lives away. Anyway, I had that small beef with Hulk but it wasn’t as much as say against Thor. Bruce’s humor was lighter and not as insulting, it was a refreshing continuation of his Ragnarok/Infinity War characterization.

Speaking of Ragnarok, let’s talk Loki. Loki is my second favorite character and let’s be real, all Loki stans were basically expecting more out of Endgame when it came to this character. I figured he would be in flashbacks but I was hoping still maybe it would be more?? I said before that perhaps Tony breaks Loki out to get the tesseract and I mean, that did kinda happen. But at least we know we have a divergent 2012 timeline and this is probably where the Loki TV show is gonna be set. I’m definitely interested in seeing what happens in that alternate universe but we won’t see that for another two years so, just a big sigh. And also I’ve seen on twitter at least people upset that Thor didn’t talk to Loki when he went back to Asgard. Loki and Thor were at odds and not friends during The Dark World. I don’t think Thor talking to Loki would have done anything important, it wouldn’t have changed anything and it certainly wouldn’t have helped him with his task of getting the Aether from Jane. While it would have been nice to see more Loki when Thor went back to 2013, I think what we did see was the most that could have happened while Thor was also dealing with seeing his mother again.

On the topic of Loki, he seems to like go about as Steve, huh? I thought it was a cute nod to the scene from TDW (I cant remember if it was deleted or not I haven’t seen that movie in years lol) when he shape shifted into Steve to taunt the Avengers. Cheeky Loki is great and so is cheeky Steve. “I could do this all day” and “Yeah, I know, I know.” The Steve vs Steve fight was also really cool. I was surprise he used the mind stone to stop himself though? And I thought it was funny when he said “hail hydra” to get by with the scepter. Now onto Steve’s whole time loop. I am disgruntled but also weirdly okay with how that all ended. I am not anti-Steve in any manner but his MCU characterization is not on my personal top list of Cap storylines. I’ve seen someone say this before and I found I kinda agreed with it. Steve’s progression is becoming more and more selfish when it comes to keeping his family safe while in parallel Tony’s progression is becoming more and more selfless when it comes to keeping his own family safe. Very different takes on how to protect family, but I think it would be wrong to ignore that part of Steve’s story. He will do any and everything to keep Bucky alive at his side, to keep Sam safe, to keep the integrity of the Avengers alive even at the cost of his personal freedom. He wants, no needs, to have his family with him. He will risk damaging relations with everyone else to keep them save. That’s admirable.

That being said, Steve going back in time to be with Peggy is a pathetic conclusion even if I can come to terms with it. In my opinion, Steve is the only Avenger righteous enough to be able to go back to the past to fulfill his own timeline and not do anything about what is coming next. He takes a huge risk in staying back in time to be with Peggy; letting Hydra infiltrate SHIELD is one thing he could not change. No matter what, Thanos is coming. He is inevitable. But Tony is Iron Man, and Tony can only be Iron Man in the first place if he gets kidnapped in Afghanistan. This only happens because of Obadiah’s jealousy and greed, which comes out of Tony becoming CEO of Stark Industries after his parent’s premature deaths. Their premature deaths only happen because Bucky became the Winter Soldier and was brainwashed to kill them. These things have to happen in order for Thanos to be defeated so Steve has to keep these things alive. This also means he has to marry Peggy after he crashed in the ice so there are two Steve’s in the universe, one who is Peggy’s husband and another who is Captain America. He gets the future he always wanted and the superhero story he was born to be a part of. The biggest pieces of bullshit about this storyline is 1) Peggy being used as nothing but someone for Steve to lust over 2) Steve coming back somehow in the end as an old guy. You could sort of explain point 2 by saying old Steve always existed so it’s not actually disrupting the timeline, things are always supposed to be this. You know how in some time travel movies the present/future happens bc someone went back into the past and their actions caused it? Maybe Steve is something like that. I know they explained that it creates a split timeline but if old Steve is always there then it’s not a split timeline it’s just the regular timeline. It still doesn’t explain why old Steve was right there with the Avengers after they sent 2023 Steve to the past. Major plot hole. Also I don’t think him leaving Bucky in 2023 is a plot hole; Bucky has to live his life post being Hydra’s Winter Soldier and without Steve’s shadow over him. It’s gonna be great to see Bucky working with a new Captain America and forming a friendship with Sam.

Side note: I am so pleased about Falcon!Cap that is what I’ve wanted for years in mcu now and it’s here! That is definitely something I am grateful for in all of this. Another thing I liked is Valkyrie becoming the Queen of Asgard and Thor exploring the galaxy with the Guardians. Also Pepper in the Rescue suit, that made me super excited! Seeing all the ladies team up was very fun.

Anyway, on to the last two of the main six Avengers: Clint and Natasha. I think I saw some people upset about Natasha’s death…she was in a very dark place mentally but her sacrifice for her family to live on is just as important as Tony’s. They both exchanged their lives to save the universe and so her death was not pointless at all. It also is a great show of how much Clint loved her, how much he risked to save her and indict her into SHIELD after he was sent to off her all those years ago. As she said in Avengers, they all have blood on their hands, some more than others. This was her way of returning the lives she took just as Tony has done the same by snapping away Thanos’ army at the cost of his life. She was the soul they needed for these three Avengers—Natasha, Bruce, and Tony—who have taken many lives with their own hands if not just obscene amounts of violence, to reverse the Snap and save the universe. Clint can be included actually but since he was Ronin when he was slaying people for revenge I put that separate from when he returned to the Avengers.

MCU Clint isn’t my fave Avenger, both because of Renner and because of his characterization. But Endgame made me like him more, especially in the first five minutes or so as he taught his daughter archery and connected with his family. That was a beautiful opening scene and it wrenched my heart to see his family get dusted away. His dark turn was kinda corny imo I mean, the whole badass punk hipster vibe was funny but I really liked seeing him and Natasha interacting and being friends again. I’m glad he had a sword because while bow and arrow comes in handy, the battle requires close combat and he definitely was gonna get killed if he didn’t have something more than arrows.

Also the quantum realm suits grew on me…they are still ugly but it’s a tolerable ugly now.

AH! important point: Nebula’s storyline! I really liked how she had to literally kill her past self in order to keep herself and her sister alive. That side plot of Nebula battling herself was great and allowed for nice growth of her character and how her past self tried to sabotage her future.

Final point is that I enjoyed the movie for what it is: a beautiful close to the story of the Infinity Saga. It is meant to be a homage to the fans who have seen all the movies, who have followed the MCU for as long as they could. I don’t think this is meant to be for casual viewers, not that you can’t watch casually, but you definitely have to watch knowing what happened before. They don’t introduce Captain Marvel or Antman’s Quantum realm stuff much. It’s probably confusing if you haven’t seen Captain Marvel or the Antman movies. You’re expected to know what came before and I mean, it makes sense. Money making franchise or not, there’s a lot going on in this movie and taking the time to introduce new things over and over is not worth it.

tl;dr: Endgame is the story about end of the two who started the MCU, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. I think you could even say that Steve stuck by Tony’s side until the end of the line. The two leaders of the Avengers, side by side and trusting each other again to get the job done. That is the Endgame because part of the journey is the end and doing whatever it takes to get there. My final thought (before rewatch because lbr, I will most likely watch again) is that I am very grateful for the chance to love Tony Stark as I have, to love him 3000 and 3000 times more and more. I love you, Tony Stark. You can rest now, my love. The universe is indeed safe in your hands~

[audiovisualrecall]

So

Heres what happens in the au

Tony goes with rh'dey and the handful of blues and greens accompanying them - theres been a lot of holdless activity in the area but it is also the best place to test Tony's new flamethrowers (includes new agenothree tank design). And then of course holdless show up, their attack startles the non-riders' runnerbeasts and even the dragons are taken by surprise and some take off nervously at the sudden explosions.

Tony is separated from rh'dey and then is hit when one of the holdless' minor explosives encounters an agenothree tank and he is fucking lucky he didnt get burned all over, the resulting explosion and heat throw him back, and only his chest is hit by the agenothree acid from the tank, as well as shards of metal.

He is captured by the holdless- the attack was intended to kill him, but they recognize him and decide to try to get more from obadiah or at least use Tony to get something they want (arms to take on the major Holds) which he is capable of building but refuses to despite being im a fuckton of pain and possibly dying. They have their Healer (also a prisoner) fix Tony up so hes not actively dying (which maybe involves a 616 esque chestplate bc pern isnt technologically very...well. they've lost a lot of knowledge. But yinsen is a genius) and he can do something for the surface burns and damage as well, but they don't really have much numbweed or fellis, so tong just has a miserable time (despite pern not up to doing surgery yet I guess. S

o it's rlly just treating the burns both from flame/heat and from hno3, and then the chestplate bc Tony's heart is weakened and the plate helps it beat, idk how he would charge it at all tho so maybe no chestplate, he cant help the state of Tony's heart beyond medicines? Unless the chestplate is just a specially designed magnet that helps Tony's heart and doesnt need to b charged, idefk.

Anyway so, they try to convince Tony to build stuff for them, work for them, and hes like uhh no???? Nope! No. And they of course wonf take that as an answer and do some water torture and stuff, and Tony gives in but is hatching a plan to escape with yinsen. Meanwhile something else is hatching ;)

The holdless get angry they're taking too long and decide Tony is faking - and he is, hes been building a suit of armor so that they can escape and flee even if Thread is falling, the metal will b impervious to threadfall - so they take them to their watch wher who is broody on a clutch of eggs. Idk if they think she'll attack Tony and yinsen or eat them or just scare them into cooperating...

And the wher does start growling at them. But then a couple of eggs start to hatch and the holdless start scrambling bc well shit, the ppl they were gonna have bond to the whers arent here, and we have no meat on hand, and someone get a knife and who's going to bond to them so they dont go wild??! And im the chaos two things happen: yinsen is killed, either by a human or maybe by a watch wher, maybe unintentionally.

The other thing that happens is that another baby watch wher stares at Tony, lunges his way, and declares himself Jarvisk, insists Tony is HIS, Tony has the presence of mind or maybe Jarvisk is just v convincing, he offers his already bleeding arm (from one of their captors trying to grab onto him, or from one of the other baby whers, idk) for the wher to blood bond fo him.

And boom, they're bonded, and more their captors are in trouble bc Jarvisk is not happy about their treatment of his bonded! They cause chaos - and maybe I'm deciding that whers can flame like fire lizards, without any need for Firestone - and start fires and then tong notices that yinsen is dead. Dying at least. He died trying to help Tony escape. So Tony and Jarvisk get out of there and leave s smoldering cave system behind them.

Etc etc Tony discovers eventually that obie is the one who set the holdless after him. Uhh drama stuff happens... mostly like the movie just tweaked to fit pern... and then on into avengers maybe idk.