#but like idk man. coming from a place where people legally cannot have a little happy meeting where we discusshow much we'd like to blow

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[eirichele]

a VERY in depth look at fire emblem: three houses and its grooming problem

OR: how this game managed to make an accurate portrayal of grooming and exactly how it made it palatable

(warning: really long. though to be fair, the length is mostly screenshots. you can also read this in google docs)

                                                          ***

SO i’ve been wanting to write something Formal and In Depth for a while, because this game’s reception has been a nightmare for me and other csa victims and quarantine hit, so i finally had time. i just really wanted to get all my thoughts in one place before i move on from 3h. i’m basically done talking about this after this one because... idk what else i could say that hasn’t been said here, really. fe has history with this, and the in-game excuses ring hollow when we know the fe devs disregard csa victims at every turn while pandering to male gamers who love sexualised teenage girls.

long, long analysis under the cut:

Some previous context: Fire Emblem games have a history of normalising harmful romances

It’s understandable for many to not know the history of the series since 3H was insanely successful and it brought a lot of new fans. Fire Emblem has always been a character driven game where making your units bond was encouraged both for gameplay and story reasons. Some end in special romantic epilogues, and some of those relationships were concerning to say the least: Sylvia, 14 years old, can marry every eligible man in Genealogy of the Holy War, Jill from Radiant Dawn, 18, can marry her father’s protegé who is 34. This is not a new phenomenon for the series, it just became more noticeable and malicious post-Awakening, because it became first person fanservice.

FE decided to rehaul the series sometime in 2011 by including dating sim elements, which made it explode in popularity. Avatars were introduced to represent the player in-game, allowing them to marry whoever they wanted. The first game to include a pseudo-dating sim was Awakening, released in 2012. The player can marry every named playable character, on top of the usual FE shipping mechanics . Donnel, Nowi and Ricken, all children, are part of your party. Nowi is a thousand year old dragon that looks like a child of 11-15. She loves playing, and throws tantrums, and overall acts very childishly, but the narrative insists that she’s really an adult feigning childishness. 

In Fire Emblem lore, dragons are veeeery slow ageing people with the power to transform into dragons, which means they can be biologically still children even when they’re hundreds or thousands of years old. Tiki, another similar character, is considered a child in Shadow Dragon by her adult dragon family while explicitly being around Nowi’s age. Despite evidence to the contrary, Awakening treats Nowi like an adult who can marry. Fire Emblem had previously included many dragon child characters in the past, but none were romantic options for anyone, and they were considered a younger sibling of sorts. Nowi was a first in the series, and after her inclusion these romances became common with characters like Nyx in Fates and Flayn and Sothis in Three Houses. Worth noting is her design, which is incredibly sexualised. A (not so) fun fact is that the outfit designer of Awakening and Fates was none other than Three Houses’ future director, Toshiyuki Kusakihara:

Ricken and Donnel are just regular 13-15 year old boys. No magic. Other adult characters and your avatar just marry them, and it’s stated they will have children in the future. The next game, Fates, actually managed to outdo this somehow: Your pedophilic romance options are now five, and unlike Awakening’s avatar Robin, whose age was unknown and could potentially be portrayed in their mid-teens, Corrin canonically is in the 18-21 age range, making this unambiguous pedophilia. Fates is a very standout game when it comes to Fire Emblem’s worst parts: There’s no “children from the future” excuse for the avatar having children like in Awakening. The avatar impregnates all spouses (or gets pregnant) and has the child after an in-game time skip, which means you can canonically impregnate your approximately 15 year old sister in a Fire Emblem game. You really do not want to stan these devs.

pictured: definitely not 18, even if the english localization really tried to pull that. 

Which is yet another thing in this game: Incest with adopted siblings is possible and even encouraged. Incest is constantly fetishized through the character of Camilla, who is an attractive and sexualized older sister obsessed with the main character. Another (not so) fun fact is that most characters will continue to call you ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ in the story even if you’re married because Fire Emblem rarely changes the story to fit with your marriage options. The most insidious thing about the incest and pedophilic couples in Fates is that they’re completely normalized. It’s not shown as abusive, and they look like normal couples that could even look cute out of context. They confess their love, tease each other, blush and have cutesy epilogues. 

pictured: marrying your sibling and a literal child

All of this is to end with the conclusion that this is a constant pattern with Fire Emblem, especially the ones with marriage. Any potentially awful relationships portrayed are not outwardly abusive. You won’t catch Xander gaslighting Corrin, or anything. They’re a “cute” relationship that just happens to be incest. Their interactions are not outwardly unhealthy, and it’s tailor made for ‘’’harmless’’’ shipping, but in the end, it’s incest and pedophilia portrayed as a valid pairing that’s “healthy” by all means. It’s normalization of something that’s objectively horrifying to live through. As a CSA victim, Fates literally made me quit the franchise for all the years it was popular. 

When Three Houses announced that it would take place in a school while you play a teacher, after seeing all of this play out all FE fans could feel was dread. When 3H announced even later that all romance would take place post-time skip everyone forgot about their reservations instantly— ignoring the fact that everyone being over 18 when marriage happens doesn’t absolve all potential problems with predatory writing. How you write a couple with an age gap is critical. Moving on with Actual Three Houses: 

Byleth has a canon age unlike Corrin and Robin, but the game tries to hide it

Corrin and Robin were both avatars meant to be somewhat customized. Byleth cannot be customized. They have a set appearance and age. You can choose Byleth’s name, gender and birthday when you start up the game, but Byleth canonically cannot be born anywhere after September 20th 1159, their “canon” birthday, since their father states in his diary that they’re already alive. 3H starts in the year 1180, which makes Byleth 20 or already 21 depending on their chosen birthday.

All other Three Houses characters have their ages shown clearly in their unit menu, and all bios update accordingly when you learn new information, including yours. Byleth’s age is revealed in a cutscene, but despite this, the game tries to “hide” their age. This is all Byleth has in their bio even well into the endgame:

It’s presumably so the player can “headcanon” their age, as the player avatar, but they still have a canon age, because they’re not a customizable one. It’s a very odd design choice that makes no sense until you consider that the game is romantically pushing teenagers at you. Romanceable students range from 14 to 22 years old before the time skip, but the great majority are in the 15-18 range. Early on, when you introduce yourself to your students, they seem taken aback by how young you are and comment how you seem like you’re “their age.” This is your only dialogue option in response:

No sixteen year old has ever told a twenty/-one year old that they’re the same age, but this is anime high school dating sim logic. An addendum is that this game has incredibly shallow dialogue options to hide how linear it really is, and this is the first glaring instance. This comes up later on with the romance options—you have little to no options to reject a student’s advances. Boundaries as both a player and RPG protagonist are non-existent in this game.

pictured: “yes” and “sure why not” dialogue options to agreeing to meet with a student alone. linhardt just turned 17 last month

Byleth can flirt pre-time skip

Most of your units are students, thus all romance should in theory, stay in the war phase…. Which doesn’t happen at all. All the narrative framing of characters’ “closeness” and foreshadowing of romance are definitely a part of the school phase. The worst offender by far is an in-game event called the Goddess Tower, the school’s local romantic spot. It’s said in universe that a man and a woman who make a vow there on a specific night will stay together forever, and this is a prelude to the marriage scenes five years later, which will take place in that Tower. You can even pick who to bring with you to the Tower, and this is what Byleth says to themselves before the drop down menu shows up:

this is one of those lines that’s like semi-innocuous, since byleth is addressing the player here, but what the fuck is a teacher doing thinking about a student “that way”???? my girl doesn’t know there will be a 5 year time skip where they’re going to be legal she’s just saying this about a bunch of sixteen year olds.

The Goddess Tower itself is a mess of bungled flirting and unnatural romantic scenes, made all the worse by the fact that you can only trigger this scene with a student. Older characters like Seteth, Catherine and Shamir are locked out of the Goddess Tower. They can’t be picked from the menu, and if they’re your highest support, the game will default to the next highest supported student. Here’s some lines from Ingrid’s scene:  

ingrid is 17 when this takes place. the youngest byleth possible is well over 21 and the oldest is turning 22 next month

Check out this post for more examples of the Goddess Tower. Byleth’s dialogue options here are right out of a god damn PSA about child safety. They genuinely come off as a huge creep here, especially “Just the two of us….” My dude. 

Thankfully one of the few instances where you can turn the student down, but notable anyway. Dorothea’s C support, where you have the option of following her flirty lead, and her response will be the same regardless of your choice:

Another infamous bit of inappropriate flirting is Edelgard’s Japanese C1 support, which you’re likely to unlock before her 18th birthday in June because it’s her very first support:

This was thankfully removed in the English version (Though she still has the same flustered reaction), but the intentions are there. Curiously, I’ve seen many supporters of the Byleth/Edelgard ship say they were upset this was removed, while simultaneously denying the ship has any grooming connotations whatsoever— when an authority figure making ha ha, unless? 😳 sexual jokes in front of underage/barely legal kids to see their reaction is textbook grooming:

  Once a trusting or special relationship is created, the offender may carefully test the victim’s reaction to sex. (x)

Not helping is the fact that Edelgard falling in love with Byleth during the school phase is practically canon judging by dialogue in CF of her missing you “more” than the others. Which leads to:

Some interactions pre-time skip resemble grooming tactics

In fans’ minds the lack of boundaries are somewhat mitigated by Byleth’s supposed good intentions, and it’s common to hear fans say Byleth obviously didn’t go to Garreg Mach intending to marry one of the kids they’re teaching because grooming must be malicious from the start. However, it’s well known that unlike premeditated abuse of younger kids, sexual abuse of older teens often happens by “accident”

In contrast, educators who teach at the late middle and high school level target victims in this age range. They might be outstanding teachers, although they may also be mediocre (Shakeshaft, 2003). Sexual abuse at this level may be less premeditated and planned and more often a result of bad judgment (Shakeshaft, 2004). (x)

In other words, by putting zero boundaries between teacher and students and enabling weird situations, which is 3H to a T. Many students flirt, but Byleth doesn’t say anything, or even flirts back.

Secondly, Byleth is like… barely a character, so this isn’t meant to be a callout post accusing them of being a manipulative abuser or whatever, because this is about the dev team putting teenagers in these flirty positions to satisfy the player that Byleth is meant to represent. Byleth is just the plot device they use to do so. People often say this flirting isn’t grooming because Byleth has “good intentions,” but they’re a self-insert, and a self-insert doesn’t have to have any in-universe intentions because the outside writing drives their actions— the thing is we KNOW these writers are not above writing pedophilia as harmless romance. People project good intentions on Byleth, because that’s the avatar. You’re supposed to project on them. This of course includes their “good intentions,” and when I play 3H I headcanon that too, but canonically speaking, these intentions are 100% ambiguous. They never voice attraction to another student, or disgust at the thought of dating them because they speak in small, limited dialogue options and thought bubbles. We don’t have a real, canon indication that they would oppose dating a student before the time skip nor that they would actually do it. 

What we do have are the canonical interactions that make people uncomfortable, however. Byleth can think of students in “that way” when the Gatekeeper describes a romantic getaway on the Goddess Tower.  If we take them at face value, then their dialogue options clearly establish that they’re okay with flirting with students as young as fifteen, at the very least. They “die” before potentially starting to date any of them for real, but the beginnings of an uncomfortable romance are there and the game fully embraces this as okay . 

This is all a result of the writing. Fates never condemned you for picking your sister over any of the other thirty (?) romanceable characters, just like Three Houses doesn’t condemn you for picking Lysithea over any older women in the teaching staff. It’s just another S support option, and it even gets some sweet extra content. She’s touched that you care for her, and you do everything in your power to take care of her frail health, and you guys get happily married. No one ever mentions that you were her high school teacher when she was fifteen and you met at said high school, and she was your favourite student— and this is, you know, something of an important detail in any relationship. Just like Fates, it’s sweet and shippable out of context, which just encourages normalization. How dare you say this is unhealthy? It’s tender! Look how much he loves her!

The thing is that 3H initially presents your students as your charges in school. You’re unambiguously in charge of them as both tactician and instructor, even if you treat each other in a familiar way. Even if most students technically outrank you as nobles, Garreg Mach as politically neutral ground implicitly puts you above them as their teacher. The younger ones are vulnerable teenagers, away from home in a boarding school. Most have some sort of underlying emotional problem that they come to you for. They come to you for advice, and sometimes just venting. You can give them gifts, and have tea every week with them if you so wish in an off-screen conversation. Tea also serves as the “skinship” of this game where you get to see the anime boy/girl of your dreams from up-close, which is a pretty creepy thing to do with a fifteen year old anime girl even out of universe, but I digress. 

Looking at this chart in the essay I linked earlier gave me a little bit of a stroke, because the “Strategies” aspects are all things you do in 3H prior to the time-skip:

This is obviously accidental, but still concerning because we know these devs have a twisted idea of what romance is, and that culminated in what I sincerely hope is an unintended but still eerily accurate portrayal of grooming.

Emotional confidence, teatime and gifts, flirting, making a vow together at the Goddess Tower, sex jokes, are all things you do pre-timeskip, and some student’s personal arcs make this even worse. Marianne, Dimitri and Bernadetta have mental illnesses, and they heavily rely on you for support. Edelgard and Sylvain express attraction towards you. You meet Felix’s father and he puts his full trust in you. Ignatz, Bernadetta and Marianne have very low self-esteem. Characters like Ashe and Annette have major parental issues that they discuss with you. In short, you see them at their most vulnerable as kids, and then get together as adults. 

About the only thing you don’t do pre-time skip in that list is “Isolate,” but some character arcs post time skip have this distinct vibe nonetheless. Many students leave their homes in the war phase explicitly because of you and no other reason. CF Ingrid in particular outright betrays Faerghus and everything she knew for you, as she says she doesn’t really believe in Edelgard’s war. Knowing you as a teacher can string her along in her Goddess Tower scene while she’s underage puts this in an awkward perspective.

This is what makes the five year time skip hold little weight. Everyone is an adult when the relationship is consummated, yes, but it starts pre-time skip.

Emotionally vulnerable teenagers having a strong relationship and frequent alone time with their older teacher, who is a confidant and someone that makes them feel special is already looking bad, but the absolute loyalty, idolisation and close relationship when they’re adults only makes it worse, even if it’s probably just a result of poorly thought out game design and player pandering gone wrong.

It’s not just player pandering, however. The devs just clearly think these relationships are okay. Other non-Byleth student/teacher romances deserve a mention, too—Manuela is forty something and thinks of her romantic potential with some 19 year-old: 

Thankfully, this support ends at B, but others don’t. She has romantic endings with Lorenz, Ferdinand and Dorothea, who she even canonically met before Garreg Mach as a child and who idolises her as an opera star. The game doesn’t stop at the normalisation of grooming with Byleth, they’re just the most noticeable example, especially since it’s a power fantasy for the player who can romance all of them, not just a few.

The time skip had the opportunity to fix some of the creepy implications, but it didn’t

People like to look at the time-skip as a justification of romance. That 15 year old kid is 20 now, after all, and your students are adults, who have matured and grown outside of your influence.... Except your interactions with them remain virtually the same. They still call you Professor and hold you in some extremely high esteem as an authority figure.

Three Houses has an avatar worship problem like all newer Fire Emblem games and this definitely contributes to the uncomfortable implications in the narrative, because literally everyone respects you and adores you to an uncomfortable degree. Even as grown ass adults, the avatar worship just makes it seem like your students still idolize you like when they were kids awe struck by how cool you are.

They don’t show the change from “mentor” to “peer” satisfactorily, like they intended for the romance elements to work. Byleth’s name is customizable, making a first name basis difficult, but they easily could have changed your war phase title to something that would make it seem like your students’ view of you changed, like a military title such as Commander, or even just Eisner, your canonical last name. All students still call you “Professor,” in the war phase, though. Some students even call you Professor when you’re about to propose to them in the S support, like Lysithea. Leonie, one of the oldest students who is actually your age, has this to say about calling you by your name… you know, like a normal peer and friend would:

White Clouds is also a whole year while VW, AM, and SS take place during six to seven months, CF during five. You spend more time as their teacher and mentor than as “peers,” so Leonie’s position is pretty understandable despite being like, barely a year younger than you.

To rewind, this game lets you pick a “special” student pre-time skip, who you’re encouraged to build bonds with through tea, gifts and the Goddess Tower. You’re their favourite teacher, as said by many other characters. They grow up and join you in your war regardless of who they have to fight, some even just to be with you. They still affectionately call you Professor, and look up to you. You can then marry them. This is unironically seen as both acceptable and even romantic.

Many of these interactions like tea are gameplay elements and thus come off as the devs not thinking too hard about it. Except, again, we know they have no problem in writing outright pedophilia, but Fates in particular had heavy backlash over this, which explains the need to tone it down a little. Grooming was their “compromise” between not turning off the casual audience while still cheekily pandering to that crowd. Everyone is technically over eighteen in Three Houses, even if they act extremely similar to their teenage selves. The “technically 1000 year old” romances like Flayn and Sothis were also left intact.

This is an important distinction, because a bit of a popular “it’s not grooming” argument when dealing with the war phase is Byleth’s weird dragon powers slowing their aging. Unlike the kids, all adult non-students in Three Houses undergo no portrait changes during the time skip, including Byleth. The thing is that in Chapter 10, they receive dragon powers as part of some plot nonsense, so it has different implications than just anime hating everyone over 25. There’s implications in the game that this definitely affected their ability to age normally, such as the Flayn ending:  

However, we don’t know how their aging was affected and to what extent. Three Houses’ lore didn’t specify much about the way dragons age. Rhea undergoes dragon madness, so we can thus tentatively assume Fódlan’s dragons are similar to Archanea and Valentia’s dragons, which would mean there’s a chance Byleth even aged normally for a few years before slowing down significantly like Nah from Awakening did. It’s entirely possible they’re biologically 25-26 like they’re meant to be, because they didn’t physically die. They were just asleep.

Even if they really did not age a day over 21/22, it still makes the pre-time skip hold weight, however. Byleth can flirt with them as teens prior to any fantastical excuse, and they’re still a mentor figure in the students’ eyes, which goes on to colour every interaction with you in the war phase. Post-time skip everyone is legal, but they still have that history with you, and the game makes no real effort to change that whatsoever. It still fulfills the student/teacher fantasy despite the many, many technicalities it tries to pull out of its ass.

Intsys is self aware and knows that this upsets people

To say these devs probably didn’t mean it that way is not entirely impossible, but they don’t exactly inspire confidence. They even “acknowledge” their flippant way of treating teacher/student relationships in a DLC quest during school phase:  

Of course, this is a silly complaint because a teacher being friendly with students is a good thing! Students learn better in a positive environment! The problem here is that it’s obviously referencing and mocking the people upset that this becomes romantic later on. I think anyone would have been able to forgive the overly friendly nature of Byleth and the students’ relationships if no line had been crossed regarding romance. This is Fire Emblem after all, and it wouldn’t be Fire Emblem without supports and relationships values.

But also, Intsys is very good at jokingly acknowledging when they’re being creepy rather than striving to do better. It’s not the first time they’ve done this. A really bold faced example is when the Fire Emblem mobile game widely known for fanservice released a ten year old child (no magic or dragons, either, just a child) dressed as a bride and had her say: “This outfit is just for the [bride] festival, don’t get any weird ideas!” when they were the ones who made a child bride for fanservice purposes. 

this one was pretty fucked up even by their standards. comment sums it up

The devs also once called Camilla from Fates a “cow” in an interview for having huge breasts and a little tiara that looks like horns. They designed her that way, but then mocked her for looking like an oversexualized caricature. Any way you look at it, they’re well aware they’re being off-putting and cheekily being like, tee hee, I sure made a dating sim set in a high school! Which ultimately leads to the final point: 

Though canon definitely has its problems, it’s less about canon and more about the devs’ bad intentions and the fans’ general lack of empathy for CSA victims:

This is not to diminish canon’s impact at all, because it’s outright malicious to portray an unhealthy relationship as cute and harmless. In short, they just pull technicality after technicality out of their ass to make student/teacher okay somehow instead of just..... not having student/teacher at all. After Fates having fucking incest, 3H and teacher grooming seems outright tame and that definitely contributed to the wide acceptance in the fanbase, because it’s less outrageously pandery. I can’t believe I have to say this in 2020, but…... that’s still not good, lads.

I will also admit there’s some nuance here regarding some of the students, especially those 20+ year olds who aren’t easy to manipulate teenagers like Mercedes. We can sit here and argue all day about whether or not this game legitimately 100% can be considered grooming because of those 20+ students, and all of those in-universe technicalities since there’s no real life academic journal on grooming who will talk about the offender being a dragon, but the end of the matter is that the devs chose to portray their pseudo-dating sim franchise in a school, while your MC is a teacher and most of the students are teens. These relationships are also 100% normalised and okay in-game. They did it with incest and with teacher/student, both topics that are majorly upsetting to CSA victims, and that alone is worth calling out. They even mocked people who were upset about it with a little DLC quest, just to rub it in. 

This whole post was a critique of 3H and Intsys, but it’s impossible to critique the game without critiquing the fan culture around it, because the devs definitely had a fanbase in mind. We know they take feedback, since they toned it down after complaints about Fates, but the reason why they didn’t just get rid of pandering aspects, is because they’re popular. There’s a huge demand for this, and that’s exactly why they keep doing it, and it’s the simple reason that online anime spaces full of adults have always placed a particular interest in teens and sexualising and shipping them. A Fire Emblem game set in a school with a calendar and a lot of romantic and social elements that started development in 2017 just screams Persona 5 inspired. Fans obviously noticed.

”edelgard is soooo thirsty” jokes are a lot less funny if you know going for the thirsty kid is a legit strategy

Now, I don’t know shit about Atlus, and after seeing all these memes regarding Persona 5 and the fans’ positive reaction to them, I have zero intentions to play it, but I’ve unfortunately played every single FE game and watched the transition to classic FE to 3DS FE to 3H. I have my criticisms about modern FE’s writing quality for sure, and while I obviously can’t say it used to be perfect because it was still a fairly mediocre (but fun) game about teenagers beating up dragons, it’s now become one of the single most unfriendly fanbases if you’ve gone through any kind of sexual trauma. Incest shipping, pedophilic shipping, and sexualizing teenagers was always there to some extent, but it’s blown up now that the devs have emboldened those fans by doing it in canon itself. It’s rampant, especially on “waifu” circles, and now grooming ships are mainstream and everywhere. Even LGBT friendly “safe spaces” are unbrowsable. F!Edeleth in particular is commonly seen as the holy grail of wlw representation. Linhardt is the most popular M/M option despite the other two being adults. Doromanuela was given a shout-out by Dorothea’s English voice actress.

Old FE games had background things like that all the time, (Roy/Cecilia is Literally gender swapped Petra/Byleth) but the keyword here is background. Not like... 80% of the ships involving the MC in game, which means you weren’t bombarded with this every day. Worse, the discussion about this topic has been non-existent. Reddit has not touched this at all despite the community there being well known for meticulous criticism, Twitter and Tumblr have seen its fair share of discourse, but it’s quickly dismissed. Just click here to watch people dismiss the concerns of every single grooming and CSA victim, or even call them stupid like we can’t recognize this shit in every single fandom. Of note are the fans who dismiss grooming concerns by saying all flirting occurs post time skip (which is false, as we just said) and the characters are only 3-6 years apart anyway……………….. and then gleefully consume/produce pre-time skip content:

miscellaneous tags on a pre-time skip linleth comic (20/21/22 and 16/17 if you’re not keeping count) not posting the comic itself cause i don’t want anon hate lol 

While there’s an argument to be made for romance with anyone who was 20+ pre-time skip, there is NONE for the underage kids. None. And like, even if you somehow still want to argue that 3H itself isn’t grooming because of the time skip, a huge chunk of the fanworks objectively are, and this is a huge problem that needs to be called out and nobody does so whatsoever. That comic has 2500+ notes.

This isn’t even a call to tell people to throw out their copies and riot, just to be aware of this and try to make fan spaces a little more bearable for CSA victims. A lot of people call this ‘toxic cancel culture’ and whatnot, but I personally can’t defend a dev team who I KNOW has done heinous things in the past, and continue to support the pedophilic mentality in online anime fan spaces but like, in a cheeky subtle way. They easily could have made Byleth a student who tutors the others because of their experienced mercenary background with Jeralt, or just not let them romance the kids at all. They could have pleased both the dating sim and high school camps by letting you choose to be either a  21+ teacher or a 17 year old student with the appropriate romance options, too. They didn’t do any of this, and their questionable past begs me to ask why, and none of the answers I can come up with are very encouraging. They also even blatantly gave you extra content when romancing students.

I hope contextualizing the 3H grooming at least makes some people understand why it’s so upsetting to see it everywhere. It’s just the decent thing to do to tag your posts, and to not dismiss any of these things. It’s just the decent thing to do to listen to people who are sharing their experiences and respecting their boundaries if they simply do not want to interact with you if you decide to continue supporting Intsys.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Stan Claude von Riegan.

[ceterisparibus116]

Daredevil scenes / plot points you would have done differently? (I get a suspicion a lot of them have to do with the law stuff, Frank Castle's trial especially. 😉 )

Aaaaa I love this question! Warning: VERY long response:

DEFINITELY the Frank Castle trial. Man, it could’ve been SO GOOD. I have a lot of issues with it, obviously, but the main one is that Matt treating Frank as a hostile witness could’ve been amazing (character-driven, emotionally-charged, also at times hilarious), and we were ROBBED.

 I also wish Matt could’ve been involved in more trial prep. The show makes it seem almost like Matt’s skill is limited to courtroom antics, but charisma and the ability to think on your feet in the courtroom mean next to nothing if you haven’t laid a foundation with good legal research and legal writing. I would’ve loved it if the legal plotlines showed us more of that. Like, you know Matt and Karen’s date night in S2 where she helps him come up with witness questions? I would’ve loved it if: a) they’d gotten, like, ANY part of that scene correct from a legal standpoint, and b) if we could’ve gotten MORE. I know that kind of thing might seem boring, but I don’t think it would be. You can really show off characters’ personalities in that kind of environment, and then the audience gets the reward of seeing that hard work pay off at trial.

 Speaking of, I know we’ve talked before about S3 splitting everyone up. I still think that could’ve maybe been worth it if we’d gotten a S4 where we could see how everyone learned from how disastrous the S3 isolation was, but without S4, everyone’s isolation in S3 is really unfortunate. I would’ve loved to see Nelson, Murdock, and Page working together for at least half of the season, instead of just the last 3-ish episodes. It would’ve been fascinating to watch, since Matt would still not be in a great headspace, and Karen would still be hurt, and Foggy would be just Trying To Deal with his idiot best friends. (But since we don’t have that, at least we have my S3 canon-divergent retelling thing: Take A Deep Breath – shameless plug.)

 I also would’ve generally kept the stakes lower in S2 and S3. I think you agree with me that both seasons would’ve been more powerful if we’d had more lower-level villains. But one of my favorite things about S1 is that we get to know the people who are at stake. Unlike in the Avengers where it’s just “the world” or “New York” or something, S1 showed us a little boy who wanted to go back to his dad, and Elena, and that one juror who was being exploited, and Melvin, and even a bad guy like Vladimir, and they’re ALL sympathetic. We really understand who Matt’s fighting for, but with the exception of Grotto, Jasper Evans, and Julie Barnes, I don’t feel like we really get that in S2 and S3.

 Related: our S2 ninjas needed a clearer motivation. (That goes for Defenders, too.) Imo, they needed personal stakes. Fisk’s mission to clean up Hell’s Kitchen was personal. Frank’s mission to take out bad guys was personal. Everything about Elektra was personal. Dex’s desperate attempt to find a place for himself and find people who care about him was VERY personal. But the Hand? Not personal at all.

 With Elektra…I’m torn. Part of me really wishes Matt could’ve told her no and maintained his boundaries all along, because a) I hate love-triangle-type drama and drama that could be resolved if people just stopped keeping secrets, and b) it would’ve been so refreshing to see the femme fatal trope subverted, and c) it would’ve given Elektra more agency. That being said…that might be veering too far away from comics canon. Matt is canonically a disaster with relationships, and he and Elektra have this whole…epic…magnetic…thing. I personally would argue that the show isn’t beholden to the canon in this specific way, but I can see how people would be upset if Matt and Elektra hadn’t turned out the way they did in S2.

 I would’ve liked Marci to have a smidge more character development. She was so sweet and supportive in S3and I don’t…quite…know where that came from? Oh, well.

 Speaking of character development: I wish Matt and Foggy could’ve had some real conversations. Aside from when Foggy found Matt at the gym in S1 and they talked about moving forward, I don’t feel like they had deep conversations that weren’t arguments. Matt’s S3 apology is good, but I would’ve loved to see Foggy apologize for how he contributed to the problems in their friendship. I also wish we could’ve seen Foggy explicitly thank Matt for, y’know…SAVING HIS LIFE.

 As for Karen, I wish her revelation scene to Matt had been more about HER. It says a lot about how selfless she is that she used her own pain to try to convince Matt not to kill Fisk. But even though I know Matt’s super depressed and everything, I would’ve loved to see him put his own angsty issues aside for a sec and just be there for his friend and the woman he loves. Even the fact that she is the one who crosses the room to be close to him is telling; he should’ve gone over to her when she started crying and been there for her.

 Although if I’m talking about Matt’s romantic relationships, I wouldn’t have minded if the show went a Clairedevil route. Although that would require A LOT. I do wish, if I’m being really fanciful, that we could’ve seen Claire in S3. Or, at minimum, seen Matt and Claire interact in Defenders.

 FATHER LANTOM TELLING MATT THAT GUILT IS A SIGN THAT HIS WORK IS NOT DONE. I cannot with that scene. I love Father Lantom, but that? Really? I mean, I get it. That’s a common way that Catholic doctrine is interpreted, and it’s what Matt basically wants to hear anyway, but it is SUCH a dangerous thing to tell Matt (and I feel like Father Lantom should’ve known that???) and it’s also, as I understand it, not even the technically correct Catholic interpretation of guilt. Like, that’s literally not what guilt is or how it’s supposed to work. (Although who knows. I’m not Catholic, and as I understand it, Catholics themselves vary a lot in their interpretations of doctrine. So idk.) If I were writing that scene, I would definitely not have written Father Lantom to say that.

 On the religious theme, I wish S3 had circled back to Matt’s original objections related to the book of Job. He gets quite a few things wrong in his recap, and I’m not sure if Maggie didn’t correct him because she didn’t know better, or because she didn’t think a Biblical literacy lecture was what he needed at the moment, OR because the writers couldn’t be bothered to read the book. (In fairness…it’s a long and complicated book. But they couldn’t have been bothered to read a commentary on it?) I wish S3 had not stopped at giving Matt an abstract tapestry analogy to heal his faith when it also should’ve addressed his specific complaints.

I wish we’d had more time to see Matt and Maggie repair their relationship, or start to. And I wish she’d hugged him at Literally Any Point.

I wish the whole Matt-hallucinating thing had been clearer. Was he actually hallucinating? Or was that just his internal monologue manifested through other characters? If he was hallucinating, did he just...stop? Is he not freaked out about that? What was going on????

Oh, and if only they could’ve gotten Dex’s psychological diagnosis right.

 Other than that, there are a couple scenes that I feel like drag on way too long (S3 especially has an odd amount of monologues that generally strike me as OOC anyway—except with Fisk; he’s just Like That) but I don’t want to go into all of them. It would be hypocritical, given how long this reply is. :P

 So yeah, I think I’ll stop there, although I’m sure there’s more, haha. Thank you again for the ask and the excuse to ramble about Daredevil! I look forward to your thoughts as well.

[aria-chicken-flugget]

MC reacts to The Brothers (+Undateables)

In a crop top ~ Yum

Due to the *NSFW undertones, I will NOT be writing any for Luke, obviously.

Sorry this took me ages haha i ran out of creativity for these. On that note, let’s jump straight in 😉

The Undateables

~

Simeon 😇

Similarly to Beel, will not see your request as anything unsavoury you cheeky thing, you

“What is a ... ‘cropped top’?”

Basically wears them anyway

Is used to showing a little skin, so would think nothing of it

After all, God intended Human Beings to be naked, so this is not weird

The only thing odd about it, is that you specifically requested it

He still wouldnt see it in that way tho lol

The one he’d wear wouldn’t surprise you, because it’s not too dissimilar to what he normally wears around RAD

Black, sleek and skin tight - sleeveless to reveal his perfectly sculpted shoulders and with a high neck - cerulean blue accents to match his eyes

Your jaw fell slack at how attractive it looked on him

His piercing blue eyes crinkled as he smiled, “I guess this one suits me, then?”

Oop - ah well, who cares if he knows your staring?

He’s an angel ffs - of course he looks amazing

“You...” you couldn’t seem to find the words to encompass what the mere sight of him did to you

His face would fall a moment, “is something wrong, MC?”

You’d flush, shaking your head with a nervous laugh, “No... well, God probably wouldn’t forgive me for thinking it but -“

You can’t bring yourself to finish that sentence

Fairly certain he was aware of where your thoughts were headed, his cheeks would tinge rouge

He’d play Innocent TM as not to blur the line or complicate things...

You’d make it ducking difficult though

Yes i said ducking, Simeon is an Angel he legally cannot say fuck

It’s just... the way you were ogling him, undressing him with your beautiful and captivating eyes... fjdlficjsn

His chest would tighten, breath caught and heart in his throat

He was well aware what that feeling was, his brows downturned at the thought

“Is something wrong, Simeon?”

He’d hold a hand up, gently but firm, “No, i’m alright, thank you.”

You can’t help but feel a little guilty... after all you did just have certain thoughts about an Angel

Seeing your crestfallen face, he’d immediately snap to - gently reaching for your hand with that crinkly eyes smile,

“Don’t look so glum, MC. Everything’s alright.”

He was simply radiant, you couldnt help but return that smile

Depending on what floats your boat, i’ll let you imagine what the outcome was

Solomon 🧙‍♂️

Hahah oh boy...

“Oh? And why would you want me to wear that?” ;) TEASE

Would give That Smirk TM

This could literally go one of two ways:

One, he wears a cute cropped T and says “Well, what were you expecting from me?” ;) TEEAASSEE

He knows God damn well what you were expecting lmao

OR

Quite literally wears some leather skin tight crop that shows off all his tatts, all his packs and muscles... like dayum haha

Either way you’re speechless

He is one cocky lil shit, he’d love it

“Finally i’ve drawn your attention from those brothers, have i?” “Wh-what?!” “;)”

Nosebleed

“I’d like to request you wear one too, it’s only fair after all.”

Whilst having you gently ensnared against a wall between his palms, with those eyes entrancing you to keep you there

You’d never seen him in that light so deeply than after your request

Your eyes trail his form once again, surprisingly more muscular than you’d anticipated from under the RAD uniform

You’d flush from under his gaze, not quite sure where to look, what to say -

“Cat got your tongue?” Ajsksknxdn

He’d need want to hear you say it.

“I - i didn’t realise you’d tease me about it.” You look away with rosy cheeks

His teasing smile would falter a moment, asking more seriously, “why would you ask me to wear a crop top?”

You’d find his gaze, tongue tied for an answer

You’d swallow from under his penetrating gaze that seemed more serious than before

“I...” why did you ask him again?

“I just... wanted to see it.” “‘It’? That’s not very specific.” Ahsksknsk LOL such a tease

You’d hate that he made you admit it, you forced through gritted teeth, “I wanted to see what you looked like in a crop, what more do you want me to say?”

His smirk tugging on his handsome lips again before warm breath carasses the shell of your ear, “I want to see what you look like too.”

Lmao #Exposed

Nosebleed 2.0

Barbatos 🕰

Yo, you would have some mad guts to request it when he’s working hahah

He would instantly flush and comment calmly how inappropriate your request is

Diavolo would laugh if he heard your request and his reponse from beside you both

But if you were alone with him, perhaps a little closer to him...

I stand by the fact i think ‘Barbietos’ is a Dark Horse TM

This man has a dark side lowkey yandere vibes maybe? Idk yet need to see more of him tbh

if you’re close and you ask, similarly to Solomon he’d smirk and tease

Barbatos is sarcastic but he wouldn’t snark you for this, especially with your blushing features

He’d utter your name, before finally mustering the strength to ask, “what kind of cropped top do you want me to wear?”

You’d have to be immensely private about it, ofc he can have a private life but he is literally at the service of the Prince of that realm

Not just the crop top request etc, the entire relationship would be kept under radar for a long time

I can see his crop being loose, the satin like material draped tastefully from his shoulders and revealing his midriff

The emerald green colour so dark you thought it was black until you saw it’s sheen under the light

You might have already seen his body at this point but you can’t help absorbing his features like a sponge

His abdominal muscles, his strong shoulders... he was also much stronger than he looked under a uniform

He’d stand before you, as you rise to your knees upon his sheets, eye level with his chest

“Tonight, I could serve you for a change.”

He’s probably not as quiet as we think

Diavolo 👑

If Lucifer ever heard about your request, you’ll be out of the Devildom faster than you can say Demonus

You’d have to be incredibly brave and or stupid to even ask in the first place...

However, Diavolo wouldn’t actually mind, “come now Lucifer! It’s a fashion trend in their realm! It sounds fun!” With That Laugh TM

Diavolo is actually pretty lonely, loads of people feel they can’t approach him so he’d acc happy that you felt you could ask that of him

If you were closer than that, you’d be visiting the palace upon his request

If and when you’re alone, you’d ask him to wear one

He still wouldn’t initially see it in that way, his own demon form is shirtless

“I’d like to try one! Have you any ideas in mind?”

After understanding the nature of your request, something will flash passed in those golden irises

“I see... so this garment will grant you a certain gratification?” BLUSH

It’s not secret that Diavolo is the biggest demon, he is one big muscle machine

You’d struggle to find a crop that fit him ngl

he’d have one custom made from your design idea

You’d want him in a maroon or black one, specked with elements of gold to match his eyes

It would be snug due to his size, seeing every inch of muscle from underneath like a marble sculputre

There was something so.. awe inspiringly beautiful about it your breath stopped short

Any prior thought was lost as you silently trace the edges of him with your eyes

“Do you like it?” :) - well... duh haha

“What are you doing still standing over there?”

All would fall silent save for faint breaths and the steady beating of your hearts as you trace the crop’s fabric with your fingertips

He’s surprisingly soften as he’d watch you doing so

He’d wrap his strong arms around you, gentle fingertips stroking your hair

he’d murmur “I’m pleased you like it.”

Soft kisses planted on your forehead and you’re a goner - putty in his arms

“Might I ask... would you wear one?”

You bloody well would lmao

Might edit these later and need to link to the brothers one but hey ho, enjoy! ✨

[cloveroctobers]

CHELSEA ELLE HODGSON —

IG info/Bio: @/chelseaaahodecor | 109k followers | hi babes! welcome to my life lovelies, please get comfy with this Prosecco im serving thru this screen! xx here’s my site if you need some light in ur life: ichelseahdgsondesigns.com 🏝💕

24 (25) years

From Buckinghamshire, England

Comes from a wealthy family

her father’s side of the family founded, “Hodgson investments” their company is built off of financial services

Her papo (grandfather) was arrested on tax invasion & served some time for doing so

Her father, Alistair now manages the company but under a different name

Her mother’s side of the family comes from old money...something about horses?

Her mother, Connie holds many events and seems to make $ from them but Chelsea isn’t quite sure what the woman does or if it’s fully legal

The family is all about protecting their image & if you don’t cut it, there will be repercussions

Feels a little like dynasty (I’ve only seen 2-3 episodes & never finished but get the point?) , maybe that’s why Chelsea & her sister enjoy watching it so much

Parents forsure held courtship events or either went to courtship events with their children (even Albie) & found suitors in hopes of marrying their daughters off (& finding Albie a new wife, only on Mrs. Hodgson’s part— mr. Hodgson seems nicer/easy-going)

Has older twin sibs: Albie-Crispin & Dolly-Georgiana

Often referred to as “the triplet” in the press

Well-known in their city

They’re all called by their first & middle name in their family household even tho their parents do not have middle names

Has a love/hate relationship with albie, he is selfish & has proven to do anything to drag others down to make himself look better

He’s a lawyer & has been married to his wife for about 7 years

Mrs. Hodgson, Dolly, & Chelsea all agree they do not like her but Chelsea puts on a smile whenever her sister-in-law is around while Mrs. Hodgson makes it known that she dislikes the woman, she thinks she’s beneath her son since her family does not make nearly enough $ put together between her & Mr. Hodgson

Dolly has a bf who’s a dental hygentist that she’s been dating for about 3 years but they’re both cheating on each other, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be married

She’s in office management

Chelsea fell in love with interior decorating from the moment she played with doll houses. Her grandparents made sure to send her the biggest doll houses they could find every Christmas. She’s always been in love with rearranging and picking certain items and best putting them into a space that works

She shit at drawing (she’ll leave that to the Architects) but she knows her furniture & patterns quite well

Has asked a few architects out on dates, some she worked with or stumbled across, only one seemed like it could have truly worked...I imagine him to look a bit like Henry Cavill with light facial hair (told you I’m a sucker for it, & Chelsea probably can tolerate just a bit not too much)

Yet Chelsea always has a wondering eye, she gets curious quite often which makes you wonder, is she really ready for love? To fully commit? One day she will be

It’s a competitive field and when she’s ready to battle she will but there are moments when she gets let down & has to pick herself up again

Has ADHD, goes to therapy for it & hates taking her meds. She’d rather stick to therapy sessions since it’s always nice to talk to someone

When she was younger she probably stole a friend or two’s bf & would definitely get mad if they did it back to her but they somehow still end up being friends in the end? Yikes

Hung out with the popular kids, was always at the parties making sure everyone was having a good time. Filling up the cups, directing where furniture should be moved, where the kegs should go, how many people should be there, etc...She doesn’t seem like the stuck up type like her mother but she is privileged & doesn’t realize it as much

Was a cheerleader & ran track, quit track to commit full-time to cheerleading since that kept her in shape enough

Dated here & there, had one bf where they would scream at each other and wouldn’t allow the other to leave or would be upset that the other didn’t come after them...yeah one of those couples

Broke up with her goth bf because he didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming to school for about a week; he had the stomach flu

Canon: Took a computer course in high school & in uni & found out she was at the top of her class for typing the fastest, she now loves the sound of her short pink ombré nails on the keys

Canon: Wanted to be a show jumper due to her mother’s side of the family & their history with horses

Goes to the stables every now & then, there’s one horse there that she’s absolutely in love with & loves to ride. Her father always offered to buy it for her but it’s not a animal she wants to own

Canon: loves finger foods + will get full off them at events quickly. She also doesn’t mind the tiny portions of food at expensive ass restaurants, it’s just enough for her

Takes hair supplements. Probably had long hair growing up that she always kept up in a bun or ponytail but decided to start chopping her hair off & getting layers & highlights which damaged her hair

Approves of plastic surgery

Is part of the itty bitty titty community & got a lift for them

Gets lip fillers for her bottom lip but isn’t a fan of needles + overlines her top lip

loves going to the dermatologist, the spa for facials & whatever else she’s willing to try & finding new skincare to buy

Tans & loves tropical hot summers

Buys an overload of bikinis even in the winter

Hates the rain, it messes with her mood

Loves a good lipstick & lipgloss combo, nudes & pinks are her to go to’s

Fav color is pink

Got herself a guinea pig after the show & named her “bubbly” after her baby in the villa

I feel like she would eventually get a tiny dog too

Has her own flat, that’s quite far from all of her family. She loves her dysfunctional problematic family but Chelsea likes her space from them too

Since buckinghamshire’s culture is more of a Middle Ages style, Chelsea made sure her home wouldn’t hold much of that style inside. It needed to be lively! Her family home was filled with dark wood & she can’t stand that

She loves going to the markets tho. She always seems to leave with something & either finds herself not liking it months later and ends up selling whatever item caught her interest

Her family tends to pop in whenever they want, especially her mother

Canon: talks about cat cafe’s when she’s drunk, says its her version of the chocolate factory + she’s the dancing drunk

Always down for a girls night out, girls trip & girls sleepovers

Probably goes to bed early around 10pm or earlier m if she’s not out having the time of her life, which makes her regret her choices the next morning

All her closest friends back home are a group of girls

Hangs out with Priya, Marisol, & Hope from the villa whereas the rest she’ll mostly communicate with them through socials or gatherings

Will host gatherings & expect them ALL to show up

Is dramatic when things don’t go her way

Loses focus more than gets bored in relationships? She’ll find other things or people to occupy her time which she doesn’t realize can be hurtful to others

When she does realize she hurts someone, she immediately wants to fix it

Canon: Is a blabbermouth. Cannot hold a secret for shit, also cannot tell a lie. Her body language gives it away first if she doesn’t spill it

Retail therapy is the best therapy if she doesn’t have a office appointment

Any spice girl song will be her karaoke song, she is always baby spice

Loves her Prosecco (me too sis!) & keeps plenty bottles in her wine fridge. She originally wanted a space with a wine cellar but got creeped out at the thought since it’s just her & bubbly living in the home

Has high cell phone bills, the girl loves a good chat

Cannot cook no matter how hard she tries. She’s been to cooking classes with an ex, watched videos, order from those food delivery sites to prepare food & it just never turns out well

Will spend hours in furniture stores, she’s had to be escorted out pass closing hours by security guards before & manage to make friends out of them. They all know who she is in majority of the stores she enters

Throws a party every time her following goes up. There’s never not a reason to throw one

Was upset that Carl unfollowed her once and figured Hannah made him do it. Which wasn’t true, Hannah was sure of herself now & doesn’t feel the need to be jealous, the man could follow whoever he wanted—she knew he barely stayed on IG in the first place. He thought it was too shallow

So when Chelsea called him one night sobbing he was utterly confused, he didn’t understand why a follow meant so much

He reluctantly followed her back

Thrilled to know Elijah, Lucas, & Carl all keep up with her. Oh & the rest of the boys ofc!

Chats with Jakub! They also hang out. They’re a bit of a odd pairing but they get along well, he’s basically another big brother to her but she actually likes him—

Afraid of the dark, keeps fairy lights lit throughout the night in her bedroom, keeps scent infused night lights in her hallways

Believes in feng shui

I feel like her voice is soft like jennifer Tilly’s?

Idk what her sun sign is? Is she a sag far as daydreaming cause she does that. I KNOW she has Leo in her chart, she’s dramatic, warm, likes to be admired & appreciated. Sun sign I need help? Maybe she’s a Sagittarius sun? + Leo moon + libra rising

Has a collection of celeb gossip magazines that she keeps on a stand next to her pink velvet chair beside her bow window

I think she will be the first islander that gets pregnant tbh & it’s by an architect (the guy I mentioned/envisioned that’s been waiting on her to realize he can give her the love she needs or prove he can balance her out) or firefighter or someone “manly” she wouldn’t end up with a islander I don’t think

she has a girl & names her, “adore”

Canon: Still wants 5 kids but we’ll see how that goes & if it’ll change, it’s been a bit difficult not drinking Prosecco but she’s got a lovely baby out of it

Crushes? Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfred Enoch, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Cole, Gregg Sulkin, Frank Dillane, Charlie Rowe, & Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Can listen to anything that’s got a good beat. But we all know she’s a pop & folk genre lover. She listens to: Astrid S, Maty Noyes, Cher Lloyd, Bebe Rexha, Allie X, Poppy, POST MALONE, etc.

Anthem? Gabrielle Aplin — Until the sun comes up

[comradelionheart]

This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress. 

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer. 

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres. 

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her. 

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

[william-nylander]

having a very rough day, do you have anymore top willy moments to gift us?

i am so sorry u are having a rough day pebble. i decided to go a bit rogue with this, in that it is instead a Top Willy Interviews On the Leafs Youtube Page listicle. i hope it makes ur day a teeny bit better.

idk if you’ve ever been to toronto BUT this look is very like. like this willy lives in the junction and hates the “noise” of the downtown and has waited 2 hours in line for bangbang ice cream in august. he likes to smoke weed in trinity bellwoods. he goes to poetry readings on bar roof tops and says shit about how everything north of dupont is “north york”. hes been known to sit at the piano in the common room at university college (uoft) and play scales. he can and has fucked ur boyfriend.

this willyum is your coworker at canadas wonderland one summer. he does not know what hes doing. he is either like :| or like :D depending on the moment. his nose gets sunburnt at the beginning of the summer but only ever in a charming way!!! u never see it peel. he works the stuffed animal stands and cannot understand why his has a line and none of the others do (hint: its bc every1 has a crush on him!!!!). before the park opens he wanders around with one of those velcro monkeys around his neck. he likes the mindbuster the best bc thats MY favourite ride and this is my listicle. 

also i miss willys gigantic front teeth gap. he used to have little tombstone teeth. what has he done to them. 

hey i love kyle dubas with my whole heart and all but there was something to be said about how when lou made them all be clean shaven and hair short it meant that willys hair was always kinda like a dragon ball z character and also his skin was all fleshy and elastic like a babys arm 

speaking of kyle dubas i found this choice shot of willy blinking while kyles prattling on about nothing and like has anything ever been more My Aesthetic 

god. has any1 ever been more iconic. this willy lives just north of bloor on dufferin and will tell anyone that the ossington strip is the “most underrated part of the city” (& hes right!!!!). they know his name at sugo. he takes all his out of town friends there and he gets tattoos at ink + water (thats at lansdowne right? now ive confused myself). he goes to the value village there and owns 29 pairs of sunglasses. he has his bed on the floor. he listens to a lot of better oblivion community centre. he long boards. he goes to bulk stores for groceries. he wants to start brewing his own kombucha. actually u know the more i typed this willy might just be me whoops.

this man is my next door neighbour for the summer in cottage country. he has a fishing boat but he doesnt fish because fish suck. i invite him over for bbq and telling stories around the campfire. we drink shitty beer. he is not interesting but he is hot. maybe we make out on the dock. willy looks weirdly good in green.

whenever someone has bracelets on their wrist my mind goes str8 to SUMMER CAMP. willyum is a camp counsellor at a camp maybe on like idk lake erie or some shit. he is a cabin leader and he loves his little sprouts/campers. frederik gauthier is the HEAD LIFEGUARD and willy thinks hes so funny and weird and sweet and cute and he doesnt realize!!! until the end of camp!!! that he has a big crush on freddie goat!!!! its the last night of camp and theres a big campfire and a camp dance and willy asks goat to sneak away with him. they go down to the beach and sit on the picnic table under the lifeguard tent and willy kisses goat and its very romantic. 

okay 1) love a man in a puffy coat & 2) there is something about “my father will hear about this” draco malfoy looking like He Was a Diplomats Son mp3 willy that just really gets my goat. he went to a boarding school in the swiss alps and fucked ur girlfriend. he has a closet for his shoes. he dated a member of the swedish royal family for a summer but broke up with him bc he was too clingy.

speaking of that bitch…..here he is again. this is after his tour after high school. he rented out an apartment in lisbon and would smoke cigarettes with beautiful people on the balcony. he spends a month in the south of france turning golden on the rocky beaches and buying dinner every night from the market on his way back to the hotel. this willy takes molly at a gay club in dresden and wakes up in an architect students bed and then he goes to the park to sweat off a hangover and pretend to read nietzsche  

this willy is absolutely the rapscallion son of the president. whats that movie with mandy moore (maybe???? oh no wait i just googled it its katie holmes) - that movie with katie holmes where the first daughter like falls in love or whatever?? this is willy. OOH IVE GOT IT. okay so this willy is absolutely a zoey barlett type from the west wing who is very cute and everyone loves him even though he is a spoiled brat sometimes/all the time. ENTER the assistant to the president - zach hyman - in a charlie young role. they fall in love over a pot of chilli. its the most beautiful thing u have ever s33n. 

okay so like willy is the new Legal Assistant at the office. kyle is a Partner in Law or whatever tf they’re called. willy and he are Working Late One Night and u know what that means…..they go to rol san bc its open until like 6am and they eat the FUCK out of some dumplings and then kyle drives willy back to his apartment (maybe in this one he lives in a shitty place at yonge & college???? like classic “roommate in the living room” toronto living??) and they KISS in the CAR and its ROMANTIC.

this willyumm is your date for thanksgiving dinner. he comes extremely bundled. my parents live north of toronto so i imagine this willy driving us north for the weekend. his scarf is very evan from skam and its sexi. he does not like the folk playlist that you have put on but its FALL and the TREES and OCTOBER MEANS HOZIER and hes like UGH FINE WHATEVER and is a bit grumpy but then u pass thru the holland marsh and he’s like “hm smells like onions” and its all fine again. his laugh confuses your extended family and he sucks at scrabble and is a pouty bitch about it but its a GOOD TIME.

god THIS WILLYAM is ur older brothers BEST FRIEND and he comes over to play video games ?? i guess ?? i never had a brother but i YEARNED to crush on a brothers best friend. he is very handsome like a lion. maybe you write some weird diary shit about it. every time he comes over ur SO WEIRD and he KNOWS ABOUT UR CRUSH and hes VERY NICE ABOUT IT.

also would a willy listicle be complete without me marvelling over his long straight nose??????????? look how straight it is!!!!!!

this will ham is in ur intro to gender studies class on friday mornings in sid smith. hes in one of ur projects and hes got no fucking clue whats going on. hes on the varsity blues hockey team and he thought that he clicked on “intro to geography”. despite the fact that he has no idea whats happening ever hes enthusiastic about listening. one time u go for coffee at mallo across from where honest eds used to be and he asks u what the male gaze is. 

okay. i hope u enjoyed this. it took me awhile and i enjoyed every second of it. to conclude, here is several screen shots from my favourite willy interview:

u ever see a man more beautiful

lil elastic face weirdo 

[svmmerdays]

( 01 / muse 2 / cis male & he/him ) contrary to what the campers might tell you, that’s not timothee chalamet. that’s kc thain! this is their 6th year working here and they’re a counselor. they’re 23, and i just found out during ice breakers they’re a sagittarius. at first they might seem pretty oblivious, but they’re actually really creative. when they have down time, you can usually catch them getting high on the roof. try to get to know them for yourself this summer!

MEET THE MUN.  i expect i’ll be able to solve a lot of my problems once my baby brain falls out & my adult brain grows in

hello all, my name is pepper and i have never been on time for anything in my life skjsdkj i feel like all my intros start that way but it’s simply a fact, i cannot tell time. that said i just got off from work so !!! this time i have a bit of an excuse. but omg Anyways, i am v excited for this rp, like i’ve already said in the gc,,, your girls never been to camp so i am LIVING FOR THIS! a bit about me ~cAmP tHEMED~ kinda, i have never actually gone camping but i really wanna go glamping one time so hit me up if you’re interested, whenever i am in the wilderness bugs like to try to fly directly into my eyes and idk why although i do have a theory i was an exterminator in a past life or something and now they’re getting their revenge for the their fallen ancestors yk?? i hate marshmallows because when i was like six some girl told me that gelatin was made of horse hooves and i believed her and i have not really eaten a marshmallow since with the exception of the one time i microwaved a smore in my microwave when i was like eight? but then again when i was really young i used to think god looked like king triton so i’m a gullible hoe y’all i’ll believe anything. but okay i think that’s enough, moving on to the man of the hour, kronk child thain!

BIO. what do people do when they’re not stoned?  drug tw !

 kc was an accident. and honestly, he was probably a bit too aware of that way too early. to start, when kc was conceived kc’s father was married to his mother’s best friend. and well, that’s not usually the kind of thing that you do on purpose. furthermore kc was conceived in a bounce house at his half older brother’s first birthday party. again, not the kind of thing you plan. you might ask how and why kc knows this information, and that would be the third reason why kc knows with absolute surety he was an accident. because his mother has been telling him all of this frankly intimate and scarring information with absolutely no shame pretty much from the moment kc could comprehend the words coming out of her mouth, and honestly likely before that. and well, that isn’t exactly the behavior of a woman who planned to have kids is it. at least not in kc’s mind. 

frankly moira thain has been treating kc like more than a pet than a son pretty much from the moment kc can remember. she didn’t treat him badly by any means. she just wasn’t really a mom. she was a weird older friend who whined until kc made her breakfast and left for days on end to go to music festivals. she was the kind of friend who teased you ruthlessly rather than offering any good advice and embarrassed you just for fun. the kind of friend who shrugged when you asked them for help with your homework and who none of your other friends (or their parents) really liked. honestly, she was kind of a bad friend if kc was honest but he doesn’t know what else to compare her to. for a long, long time his mother, as unusual as she was, was all he had. that was until kc was about seven and he didn’t even have that anymore. 

when kc was seven a lot of shit went down at once. to start, his mother nearly overdosed, and that was the big thing. it was a traumatizing experience overall as that kind of thing would be for a seven year old, but kc would like to think he handled it like a champ. called the police, made sure his mother didn’t choke on her own vomit, and all that. but CPS was called and kc was promptly shipped out to live with a father had never met, which went as well as could be expected (refer to how and when kc was conceived above). kc stayed with them for all of six months, but well, all kc really had to do was breathe to completely ruin their marriage. even if kace was a bit dull at times even he understood that. so he wasn’t surprised when 'the boys trip’ his father took him on ended up just being a complicated ruse to dump him at his grandfather’s house for as long as he could get away with. considering it was near the end of the school year, it was a while.

now at that point as you can imagine kc was pretty drained emotionally. his mother was officially in rehab. his dad didn’t want him around. his stepmother and half siblings treated him like some kind of leper. and all of this happened within less than a year. that’s a lot for anyone to take let alone a seven year old. little kc was filled to the brim with a lot of emotions he didn’t know what to do with so for the most part he had shut down. barely spoke unless spoken to. very rarely smiled or expressed any sort of emotion really. his grandfather played a big part in fixing that. 

grandpa thain lived in a cottage in the forest and worked for a camp not too far from his cabin. he dealt with the upkeep of the grounds during the school year as well as some handyman duties when needed. and for the most part he dragged his grandson along with him as his ‘assistant’. which mostly meant that kc pulled out the weeds his grandfather told him to or passed him the tools he asked for. just simple things like that. but to kc’s surprise he really liked it. he also really liked living with his grandfather in the middle of nowhere and being able to hear the birds in the morning or take naps in fields. 

kc’s father paid for his first summer at dagwood. his half siblings came to the camp as well, in fact they had been coming longer than kc had. however, at the end of the summer, unlike his eager half siblings, kc didn’t want to leave again. dagwood had become this safe have for him of sorts, a place where he was slowly able to heal at his own pace, and he knew the moment he went back to his father’s house he would be returning to an environment he was unwanted. his grandfather made it so he didn’t have to return at all by offering to take kc in permanently. 

it took some time and a lot of legal paperwork but kc’s grandfather ended up becoming his legal guardian. his grandfather home schooled him to the best of his capability during the school year, and during the summer’s kc attended camp dagwood and helped out his grandfather in whatever way he could. he continued to do so even after he turned eighteen, even going as far as to help out in between the online art school classes that he decided to take on a whim. his grandfather regretfully had to retire from dagwood, after working every day since the camps opening day. he retired with a lot of pride and kc is really proud of him honestly, and he has every plan to take his grandfather’s place once he gets promoted from counsellor. his grandfather insists that he doesn’t need to, and that he wants kc to do whatever he wants to do but kc is too stubborn and loyal to hear any of it. he’s determined to continue the legacy his grandfather is so proud of, and stay at the place that brought him so much comfort and peace, even though honestly it’s probably not the best thing for him. it’s honestly probably time for kc to move on to bigger and better things but he hasn’t realized that yet so until then, dagwood it is. 

PERSONALITY. me as a hotel receptionist: *greets guests by playing hotel california but cutting it off right before they say california*

LOYAL. listen if you’re kc’s friend he would die for you and that’s just a fact. he is honestly loyal to fault. he will screw himself over for his friends because he’s dumb. theyt won’t even ask him to do it! he’ll do it anyways! he’s a fool 

STUBBORN. not in an obvious way like generally kc is very flexible, go with the flow? will generally not hold an opinion in most arguments and is pretty happy to follow rather than lead. but when it comes to things that kc is passionate about?? oof. a bulldozer couldn’t move him. he’s a pain in the ass.

OBLIVIOUS. he’s a fool. kc will be the last one to know about his own damn feelings. kc will be the last one to know about anyone else’ feelings too. it could be so obvious. SO SO DAMN OBVIOUS, and yet kc??? has no idea. he’s that scene from juno where juno’s like ‘i like you’ and michael cera’s like ‘as a friend?’ jkdsdjk

CREATIVE. the only thing kc’s good at is creating things. he can make pretty much anything if he puts his mind to it. probably makes his own clothes honestly. can mend and repair yours. just as a weird brain tbh, if you ever want a different perspective on something go to kc because he’ll say something so wild sdjkdfkj 

COMPASSIONATE. a kind boy tbh. wouldn’t hurt a fly. catches spiders in his hands and takes them outside. is a vegetarian. will listen to your problems any time and at least offer help even if he has no idea what to do. 

LAZY. will fall asleep standing up with his eyes open. has fallen asleep on buses and ended up in different states. is terrible when it comes to getting up in the morning. eats his breakfast half asleep every day. like he’s a hard worker when it comes down to it, but if the options are playing with the campers or taking a nap in a warm patch of sun kc knows what he’s choosing... honestly kc is good with little kids but he would vastly prefer his grandfathers job, cause his gramps just worked by himself for the most part, and working with kids is so much more exhausting rip. 

HEADCANNONS. you’re in her dms im daydreaming about her on public transport we are not the same. 

loves all branches of art honestly, is also a big fan of music. can play the guitar, the drums and bass, all skills he mostly picked up on his own while being home schooled by his grandfather. tends to be rather humble about it but he’s actually pretty talented. will play the acoustic guitar by the campfire, is one hundred percent that guy 

when doing art activity counselling kc has the energy of that one pottery guy from tiktok always. like that’s kc straight up. 

has a bunch of tattoos that are mostly doodles that he made himself, sometimes doodles his friends have made too if he likes them enough. will put pretty much anything on body and tends to think of it as his canvas. wants to be that old man covered head to toe in tats by the time he’s ninety. 

has been stung by wasps on fourteen different occasions over the years. literally kc has been stung every summer since he’s come here and it’s pretty much tradition at this point. like he hates it, but if too long goes by without him being stung he starts to get paranoid. 

loves to climb things like trees and buildings. chills out in the branches/on top of roofs a LOT. would be the guy to fall asleep in a hammock and get a mustache drawn on his face by the campers. honestly that has probably happened. 

jewish! kc’s religion wasn’t really a big part of his life when he was living with his mother but by the time he moved in with his grandfather that changed. they go to the synagogue together and everything even if it’s a bit out of the way. 

might be narcoleptic honestly. is sleeping 99% of the time. if you don’t know where kc is check his bed tbh

will never tell anyone what kc stands for honestly, he thinks it’s amusing for people to guess. will answer to any version of k____ c____ you call him though. also accepts kace which is just a nickname for a pair of initials but skjsdm still he will answer to it 

a hard worker even if he doesn’t look it. weirdly functional while working high? kc is one of those people who you never know is high cause he just acts as he normally does for the most part. 

that said he is the most focused and like alert when drawing or painting or doing anything with his hands. takes his art incredibly seriously. has probably drawn up a mural for the camp, and literally stayed up three days and three nights to do it. very talented but doesn’t really think he’s talented enough to do anything with it? could get into art school if he tried, but he’s too loyal to ever leave his grandfather or the camp behind to do it. 

very good at wood working surprisingly. this boy will make you a sexy ass chair. honestly kc is one of the those frustrating people who like you show him how to do something creative one time and he’s got it, his brain has tapped into it, he remembers. but don’t worry, give him one math problem and he completely shuts down sdkjsdjk 

hates wearing shoes. will take his shoes off the moment he has the opportunity. straight up leaves his shoes places and then’ll be like ??? fuck where did i put those ??? 

can cook surprisingly well. makes bomb weed brownies but like just in general kace makes good food. always forgets to grocery shop until his fridge is empty though

dresses like a hippie. his general aesthetic makes it look like he was in nineties movie. wears wire rimmed glasses because they were his grandfather’s and he’s too broke to buy new frames. most hipsters see him and are like !!! cause they think he’s one of them but kc knows nothing about movies or coffee or like... anything but art really so they’re pretty quickly disappointed. 

used to have hella long hair when he was younger, like he was usually picked on for looking kind of girly because of it. didn’t really care that much, or at least convinced himself he didn’t really care that much eventually. was glad when he got home schooled though cause at least then he didn’t have to deal with that anymore, 

has a scar through his eyebrow from when he fell out of a tree his first summer. 

has several ear piercings. 

i forgot to mention, kc’s mother used to be a drug dealer before her overdose but he doesn’t really know what she does now. he doesn’t talk to her very often but he talks to his dad even less. whenever his mom contacts him it’s cause she’s gotten out of rehab and needs money. kc will usually give it to her because he’s soft. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.  it takes me 3-7 business days to process my feelings

i am so tired so we’re doing this in a blob but i would love LOVE some exes from summers past, some ex flings, his first bf/gf, idk his first kiss would also be cool, someone who hates him like maybe an enemy or an old rival of some sort? an old stupid rivalry from when they were campers that they still can’t let go of now? just sayin. uh, an fwb or ewb situation maybe, another childhood friend would be cute, an opposites attract situation like i would love for kc to have a dynamic with someone who really has their shit together yk like completely different from his sleepy ass, a smoking buddy maybe! a family friend! godsibling! first love! someone who kc accidentally set on fire with a flaming marshmallow when they were thirteen! anything and everything please and thank you. 

[the-strawzish-clownfish]

Oh, you wanted me to hit you with some? Bet. Do all of them Strawberry

YOBI I LEGIT JUST ASKED SOMEONE THE SAME THING

YOU’RE OMNISCIENT I SWEAR

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I have never considered that before now but thanks for that

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

3 probably, I’m not really scared of the dark most of the time (unless it’s literally pitch black), but every once in a while i get really unnerved bc i get rlly paranoid

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Satan

4. What is your favorite word?

“faith” bc my faith and bc synesthesia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

uhhh flowering cherry bc at my old house my brothers and I each had a tree that my dad planted for us when we were each born and mine was a flowering cherry

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

I looked in the mirror this morning?

7. What shirt are you wearing?

coral pink bubba gump shrimp co. t shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

child of God, daughter of Sappho

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright if we’re talking natural light being let in through my windows, dark if we’re talking just normally bc rlly bright lights mess w my sensory issues

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

talking to you yobi

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this age, I’m a firm believer in that things will always get better, even if only one small thing does improve, when i think back on past years i get anxious and nostalgia isn’t good for me

12. Who told you they loved you last?

@toomanyfanfics that one

13. Your worst enemy?

my mental health tbh

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

never experienced romantic attraction, i used to have a plush (qp crush) on one of my best irl friends tho (@ blob have fun with this fact)

16. The last song you listened to?

I am listening to Echosmith’s Cool Kids as I am writing this, before that I was listening to Girls by Marina and the Diamonds, which is a hilarious song i 11/10 recommend

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

myself, I’m not s*icidal but I’m not killing someone else

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

whoever the person who decided Teen Vogue should endorse child pornography was

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

me, I would make myself do actual work for once

20. What is your best physical attribute?

my eyes, i just like them. fun fact this one kid i used to be kinda good friends with was talking with me on snapchat once (bc we did that a lot, back when i had snapchat) and i don’t remember how we got into this but he ended up describing my eyes really weirdly? it was really deep and got kinda strange? it was like a movie scene but via text message and then in the middle of it he was like “wtf am i doing” and i will always remember that (dude if you are for some reason reading this then idek what to say man. sorry). anyone who knows me irl (@ you blob) can take a guess as to who this is

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

idk the answer to either of those questions tbh

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

idek man sorry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

weed, like i’m genuinely terrified of being in its presence (never been in its presence before), i’ve had nightmares about it

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

EVERY TIME I GO TO SUBWAY I GET THE SAME THING. BUFFALO CHICKEN, RANCH, AND CHEESE ON ITALIAN HERBS AND CHEESE TOASTED. I WOULD REPLICATE THAT

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

go to Atlanta and find a homeless person and buy them some clothes and food and some blankets

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

CANADA

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

first of all why is an angel giving me unlimited alcohol that’s just kinda strange second of all i am a MINOR i am not legally ALLOWED however i will probably just take whatever and give it to some people, someone will like it

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 

be kind and do good where you can and if someone wrongs you forgive them

29. What is your favorite expletive?

as;ldkfjasdkgaj;lsdf

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my cactus!! she is v important to me

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the first thing that comes to mind was really traumatic for me, but it’s what brought me as close as i am to God now so idk that i would get rid of it. idrk man, it really sucked but i’m glad that I’m so much closer to God now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a [redacted bc even though this is a hypothetical i absolutely would never do this and refuse to acknowledge it even in a hypothetical situation]. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

….Canada?

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk, peeps are in heaven now and i don’t really wanna take that away from them

34. What was your last dream about?

ask God not me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

no

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

not really, however i have had several surgeries (all on my mouth) so i was in the hospital for those

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I have built a real, genuine snowman once in my life, and the only proof is a picture i have bc i was so little i can’t even remember it. it doesn’t snow in georgia

38. What is the color of your socks?

ain’t wearing em, however most of mine are gray with some colorful bits

39. What type of music do you like?

I have an eclectic mix of favorites.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises all the way, the afternoon and evening make me anxious but nighttime and dawn and early morning are the best times

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

vanilla bitch

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

UGA i guess bc it’s ga and that’s a safe answer, i don’t really follow sports (i watch baseball sometimes though)

43. Do you have any scars?

oh i’m covered in tiny ones, the most notable being one on my thigh that was on my knee when i first noticed it. to this day i do not know how i got it

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

gay

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i wanna be better about lying

46. Are you reliable?

heh depends, when it comes to knowing random things or being stupid, yes, but when it comes to remembering things, such as dates and times and things? absolutely not

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Has it gotten easier?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes and no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a whelk and a quetzalcoatlus, no i do not accept constructive criticism

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i once spent hours talking to myself about if it is possible for a perfectly fair coin to exist outside of theory

51. Are you a good liar?

I like to think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Oh I could go a looooooooooooooong time, however i do have my chatterbox days and i am known for not shutting up so it’s really a tossup on that one

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

when i was 3 my mom put blonde highlights in my hair and it was absolutely absurd

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

i cannot bake to save my life, however i have made my father cheesecakes for his birthday and they turned out okay so idk

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

sco-ish

56. What do you like on your toast?

a crap ton of butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

dude in a graduation cap

58. What would be you dream car?

idk whatever’s cheap and works

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

uhhh not really no

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i mean i don’t think we’re the only life in the entire universe, so yeah (and also they’ve found traces of ancient bacteria on Mars so if you don’t believe then who are you kidding)

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

occasionally, i don’t believe in astrology but it’s at least somewhat accurate a lot of the time and i like to freak myself out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

you’d think i’d have an answer for this, however i have never thought about this before. so e ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

if your answer to this is dinosaurs then get out of my house

64. What do you think about babies?

they’re good at shrieking, and for that i admire them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

i am not interesting

[not-close-to-straight]

Heart Emoji (Two)

PART THREE 

***********************

“Okay, this is my favorite store.” Natasha held the door open and waved Steve and Tony through. “Not only is everyone who works here a literal darling, but Bound is also twenty one and over only store because they give free shots of tequila while you’re trying things on, which means you don't have to deal with barely legals thinking they have any idea what to do with all this stuff.”

“Eighteen year olds have sex, Nat.” Tony pointed out and Natasha sent him a positively evil smile.

“Oh not like this, they aren't.”

“Uh--” Steve wasn’t so much speechless as he was absolutely flabbergasted by not only the size of the store but also the contents. And not just the contents but also the sheer amount of whatever the hell was on the walls and the shelves and draped across various surfaces and oh god the pictures were enough to make him turn a horrible shade of tomato red. “Tony, get me out of here right now.”

“Yikes, Tash.” Tony ducked when he nearly put his eyes out on an enthusiastically nipply mannequin. “I consider myself fairly adventurous but this is a little much even for me. It’s going to severely cramp Steve’s good ol boy persona.”

“Nonsense.” Natasha waved when one of the sale associates called her name. “This is where I buy most of my stuff and I know for a fact they have virgin section.”

“I’m not a virgin.” Steve protested, hands firmly in his pockets, sunglasses firmly on his face to avoid any errant nipples as well as to hide the fact that his eyes were wide as saucers. “I’m not!”

“Aw.” Natasha patted his cheek sympathetically. “In here you are.”

“But Thor is super adventurous!” Steve insisted. “I even wear a--” nearly whispering-- “a ring with him sometimes. You know, one that goes around my--” he inclined his head towards his pants. “You know?”

“Ooh!” Natasha waggled her eyebrows. “A cock ring? What a fancy little deviant you are! The Pope would be horrified.”

“Okay, lets maybe not talk about major religious leaders while I’m staring at a--” Tony pulled a dildo off the wall and hefted it. “--at a cock the literal size of my arm. Who uses this sort of thing? Is this fun for people? How do you walk afterwards? How do you even get this--”

Tony placed the base of the dildo on the ground and stared at it suspiciously, standing up on his toes and spreading his legs and tilting his head as he tried to figure out how the fuck--. “I mean, you wouldn't be so much bouncing on this as impaling yourself on it, right? What do they even call this thing? King Kong?”

Natasha giggled and Tony tried again, “King Dong?” Steve made a sound like his very soul was being set on fire and Tony tried a third time-- “Andre the Giant?”

He checked the packaging tag for the name of the toy. “Oh. Vlad the Impaler. That seems rather appropriate.”

“Tony.” Natasha elbowed Tony and pointed over at Steve, hiding a laugh in her hand. “Look at Spangles.”

“Oh god.” Tony rolled his eyes when he saw Steve staring slack jawed at the wall of nudie magazines. “Those aren't even the bad ones. How long do you think it will be until he finds the--”

“AH!” Steve jerked away, covering his still sunglassed eyes with his hand.

“The kink mags.” Tony finished. “He found the kink mags. Is he having a seizure right now?”

“I think his hands are just shaking.” Natasha countered. “Wait until he realizes the bench he is leaning against is actually a--”

“AHHHH!”

“-- yep. A spanking bench. That’s a spanking bench.” Natasha sighed when Steve whipped around and sent them a terrified look. “Alright, bring him back towards this section. Massively over sized dildos are about as tame as this store gets.”

“Steve.” Tony motioned for him. “Steve, come here.”

Steve was frozen in place though, hands up in the air so he wouldn’t touch anything, sunglasses askew, mouth open in shock.

“Steve.” Tony took a few steps closer and thwapped Steve in the face with the rubbery--and hilariously flexible-- tip of the silicone cock. “Steve. Wake up. Stop making Vlad dick slap you and--”

“Stop that!” Steve snatched the cock and pointed it at Tony in an attempt to look threatening, the attempt entirely ruined by the  way the veined thing wobbled and wibbled and bobbed in the air between them. “Get me out of here. Now. I wanted pretty underwear not--not--” he looked around wildly. “Not whatever that is!”

“A spreader bar.” Natasha confirmed. “Keeps your legs where they need to be. Or keeps someone else’s legs where they need to be. Clint is so flexible we hardly need one anymore but--”

“Annnnnnnnd he’s gone.” Tony broke in, pointing to the spot where Steve had been standing, nothing left but a discarded dildo flopped on the floor and a vaguely Captain America shaped path through the racks of fetish wear.

“Okay okay okay.” Nat pulled a hundred dollar bill out of her bra and shoved it at Tony. “You win that bet. We probably should have started out at Victoria’s Secret.”

“Little bit.” Tony stuck the money in his pocket. “Shall we have a shot of tequila before we track down our All American Virgin?”

“How much you wanna bet he took off running and is currently hightailing it down the freeway?” Natasha mused. “By the way, not a virgin remember? He even wears a ring down there sometimes for Thor.”

“Oh god.” Tony sighed. “Alright, lets go find him.”

*****************

From Thor: THIS IS THOR ODINSON OF ASGARD

From Thor: I AM IN THE LIVING ROOM AND WISH TO HAVE A CONVERSATION BUT DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE MY CHAIR

From Thor: I WISH TO JOIN THE GROUP TEXT

From Clint: Uh, what’s up big guy? You don’t have to text all in caps you know, it sort of sounds like you’re yelling.

From Thor: I AM NOT YELLING, THIS IS SIMPLY A TEXT. YOU CANNOT HEAR MY VOICE, WHY WOULD YOU SAY I WAS YELLING.

From Bucky: Yeah, you’re not going to win that argument Clint. Thor, what brings you to the group text?

From Thor: I REQUIRE HELP FOR GIFTS FOR MY BELOVED FOR THE UPCOMING HOLIDAY. ASGARD CELEBRATES DIFFERENT DAYS, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND SOME OF YOUR CUSTOMS

From Clint: You don’t know what to get Steve for Valentines Day?

From Bucky: Alright look, I don’t want to be the one to suggest this, but I don’t want to hear Clint say it either, so I’ll just say it-- just hammer dick him Steve he’s droolin. He'll be all stupid after wards and wont even remember what day it is. Sick face emoji.

From Thor: HAMMER DICKING IS OUR NIGHTLY OCCURRENCE, I WISH THIS DAY TO BE SPECIAL. THE USUAL LOVING WILL NOT SUFFICE.

From Clint: Idk if I’m laughing harder over ‘hammer dicking is our nightly occurrence’ or Bucky’s sick face emoji.

From Bucky: Murder scowl emoji

From Clint: You mean frowny face?

From Thor: WHAT IS AN EMOJI

From Clint: Okay. First of all. Thor do you see the up arrow on your phone keyboard? Tap that until your letters aren’t in all caps.

From Thor: This seems less interesting. I am a god, a near eternal being, I require to be heard and seen above others. This smaller texting is not ideal.

From Clint: And yet it’s better for everyone. Second of all, Bucky, just use the frowny face emoji.

From Bucky: I use what I want. Tongue sticking out smiley face.

From Clint: Why is this my life? Someone save me from all these old men who don’t understand literally anything about technology.

From Thor: Clint, you have been complaining much lately, has your wife not been loving you regularly? A man with no outlet is a frustrated man indeed, are you aware that you can self soothe? Tis not ideal, but there is some joy to be had in knowing your body in such an intimate way.

From Clint: … thank you? For that advice?

From Bucky: Clint. Did you know you can self soothe? Did you know that? Hm?

From Thor: We can discuss Clint’s lack of sexual prowess later, I need ideas for a perfect evening with my beloved. What are typical Midgardian St. Valentines Day customs?

From Clint: MY LACK OF WHAT

From Thor: WHY IS HE ABLE TO USE THE CAPITOL LETTERS

From Bucky: Good Christ, no one use the capital letters. Clint, you have no sexual prowess, every bit of sexiness in that relationship is Natasha.

From Clint: WHAT

From Bucky: And as far as Valentines Day, it doesn’t have to be anything special, just the usual stuff, Thor. Chocolate hearts, flower bouquets, wearing pretty things. Stevie’s real easy, you could just compliment him a bunch and he’d get all goofy and dumb for ya.

From Thor: Chocolate hearts. Chocolate in the shape of a human heart?

From Bucky: No.

From Clint: OH MY GOD YES EXACTLY LIKE THAT IN THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN HEART

From Clint: PROBABLY FILLED WITH JELLY TO MAKE IT REALISTIC

From Clint: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

From Bucky: Oh my god.

From Thor: Clint, you will help me then? You seem to know the intricacies of this celebration, and despite my lack of faith in your bedroom abilities, your bride is almost always pleased.

From Clint: Yes. I do in fact know the intricacies and for the record my bride is ALWAYS DEFINITELY pleased. I will help. I am the best man for the job. Ignore whatever Bucky says after this.

From Bucky: I got nothing. Just gonna get some popcorn and watch the chaos. Thumbs up.

From Clint: Okay dude, we have got to talk about your issues with emojis at some point.

*************

“Hey.” Tony stood on his toes to give Bucky a kiss and the soldier put his plate down immediately to gather his boyfriend even closer. “Hey.” Tony said again, giggling against Bucky’s mouth. “What’s up?”

“Something’s gotta be up for me to want to kiss you?” Bucky murmured, the plates in his left arm whirring and tightening until Tony gasped as their bodies rubbed together. “I’m not saying I’m not up, but--”

“Bucky.” Tony smothered a laugh in another kiss, too head over heels in love to even care that he looked completely ridiculous with his feet not touching the ground. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m excited for Valentines Day.” Bucky admitted, running gentle fingers through Tony’s hair. “Holidays with you are so fun, sweet thing. I can’t wait to spend another one with you.”

“You definitely can’t wait to spend it with me.” Tony confirmed, kicking his feet in the air and grinning when Bucky held him higher. “I got a suite in a ridiculous hotel and we are going to have the best food you’ve ever eaten. I ordered a--”

“Hey hey.” Bucky shushed him. “Don’t tell me everything you got planned, sugar. I want to be surprised, and I want to see that goofy look you get on your face when you’re excited to show me something. That’s my favorite thing, did you know that? You’re eyes get all big and you try to keep your smile small but it never works and you end up grinning and sorta vibrating with excitement--” he smiled when Tony blushed. “--You’re gorgeous, Tony.”

“I love you very much.” Tony whispered, and Bucky whispered back, “And I love you very much.”

“Christ, they’re cute.” From across the kitchen, Natasha sipped at her coffee and watched the couple. “Look at them. It’s almost gross. They started out with Tony jerking Bucky off because Frosty was horned up enough to die and now they are smooshing noses and saying they love each other and it’s just so cute.”

“You’re cute.” Clint murmured into her ear, holding her a little more securely on his lap. “And sweet. And so sexy…” his voice trailed off into a moan as he nibbled along her throat. “So sexy, Nat. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, my love.” Natasha smiled indulgently, snuggling into his chest. “But surely after our past few nights together you aren’t quite so needy, hm?”

“I will always be needy for you.” He insisted, crooning the words into her ear and twining their left hands together. “That’s why I put a ring on it, remember?”

“Vividly.” Natasha allowed, admiring the glint of her modest-yet-gorgeous wedding band. “I remember why you put a ring on it vividly, husband.”

“I have a surprise for you this Valentines Day.” Clint buried his nose in Natasha’s hair to breathe in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. “Do you want to get a hotel or stay here that night?”

“We can just stay here.” She answered, gracefully turning in the chair so she was straddling him, pushing their foreheads together and sighing when Clint lifted beneath her, asking-- “We were together this morning, husband, aren’t you tired of me yet?”

“I’ll always be needy for you.” Clint repeated. “Whether we're together every minute of every day or not.”

“I love you viciously.” Natasha pressed closer. “And I bought something to wear that will make your brain explode.”

“I got something to wear that will make your brain explode.” Clint countered and Natasha laughed in delight. “I don’t know why you’re laughing wife, I’m being very serious.”

Bruce was sitting at the kitchen island reading through the news paper when Sam slid onto the stool next to him and elbowed him in the side.

“Um, ow?” Frowning, Bruce folded the paper and tucked it away. “You couldn’t have just said hello? You had to assault me?”

“Stop whining, Brucie.” Sam waved him off. “I just wanted to make sure you’re still feeling legit about our bromantic non date and in case you weren’t--”

He raised his voice when Bruce started to interject. “-- in case you weren’t feeling great about our Valentines Day plan, I invite you to take a gander around the kitchen and see how the various couples are acting without actually having Valentines Day yet, and just imagine how bad things will be after Valentines Day without someone--” a quick point to himself. “-- to crack terrible jokes and make gagging noises at the sheer amount of love crap that will be happening.”

“Well, I mean--” Bruce glanced around the kitchen, first at Bucky who was still holding Tony off the floor as they kissed, both of them giggling and teasing each other, then at Clint and Natasha who had given up any and all pretenses of talking and were just trying to apparently eat each others souls through a tongue slurping, lip biting kiss that was wet enough that Bruce actually pushed his tea away with a grimace.

“And you know, Thor and Steve aren’t even here.” Sam raised his eyebrows meaningfully. “And they’re gross just on normal days.”

“Yeah alright.” Bruce nodded. “Yep. Bromantic non date sounds amazing. Are we still on for that thing late Thursday night?”

“So on for it.” Sam high fived Bruce happily. “We are good to….” his voice trailed off as he looked at something over Bruce’s head. “Uh, hey Cap. Everything alright?”

“Hey.” Steve was scowling, rubbing at his shoulder as he dug through the freezer for an ice pack. “What are you guys doing?”

“Just… just hanging out.” Sam took a closer look at Steve’s shoulder. “Is that a hole in your shoulder? Steve, why do you have a hole in your shoulder?”

“OH, I’m glad you asked!” Steve slammed the freezer door and Bruce jumped. “So glad you asked Sam! Would you like to know why I have a hole in my shoulder?”

“Well I mean--” Sam shrugged a little. “I asked you twice already and you’re sort of bleeding on the floor so--”

“Thor shot me in the shoulder with a goddamn arrow!” Steve shouted and everyone in the kitchen turned and stared.

“Did Spangles just swear?” Tony asked quietly, and Bucky nodded slowly. “What is happening?”

“THOR SHOT ME IN THE SHOULDER WITH A GODDAMN ARROW!” Even louder this time, and Natasha leaned away from Clint, eyeing her husband suspiciously.

“Easy does it, Stevie.” Bucky said cautiously. “I’m sure it was an accident.”

“It wasn’t an accident at all.” Steve scowled, dabbing a towel over the wound. “We were sparring, then he suggested target practice, yelled something about Cupid being in the room and literally put an arrow into my shoulder.”

Across the kitchen, Clint made a noise that landed somewhere between a snorting laugh and a strangled sort of wheeze and Steve’s eyes narrowed in his direction. “Clint? You don’t happen to know anything about this, do you?”

“Oh no.” Bucky muttered a curse. “Oh no no no. Clint didn’t--”

“I had nothing to do with this.” Clint insisted loudly. “I mean, Thor asked for suggestions for Valentines Day and all I did was walk him through several customs and sayings we have!”

“And how exactly does Valentines Day include--” Steve set his jaw angrily. “Cupid. You told him Cupid shoots people with arrows to get them to fall in love.”

“I mean,” Clint spread his hands innocently. “I might have.”

“Wait wait wait.” Natasha twisted around on Clint’s lap. “Wait. So Clint told Thor that Cupid shoots people with arrows, and then he turned around and shot you with an arrow? I know the big guy isn’t exactly on board with all of our lingo, but he’s smart enough to realize that he shouldn’t be the one shooting you, right?”

Steve sulked a little but didn’t answer.

“Yeah, Cap.” Tony wriggled out of Bucky’s arms. “No way Thor would have actually just binged an arrow at you because of some random story about a Cupid. What actually happened?”

Still no answer from Steve.

“Alright, let’s do it the easy way then.” Tony shrugged. “JARVIS can I have the video feed from the gym for the last hour please?”

“No no no no--!” Steve started to protest, but it was too late, a large television folding down from the ceiling and a video starting to play.

“Alright, there’s Steve.” Bruce pointed to the figure who was clearly Steve working a punching bag on the far corner of the screen. “And here comes Thor who is wearing… uh, what is Thor wearing, exactly?”

“Good god, and I don’t mean the Thunder God, I mean the god that would be horrified by what Thor is currently wearing.” Sam’s jaw was practically on the counter. “Is that-- is he-- I didn’t know they made diapers that big??”

“Clint, what exactly did you tell Thor?” Tony couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen, watching Thor wearing nothing but a diaper, carrying a bow and arrow creeping across the gym towards an oblivious Steve. “Tell me the exact words you told Thor about Cupid.”

“I told him that Cupid is a demi god that wears a diaper and carries a bow, goes flying around and shoots arrows into the hearts of people who need to fall in love. Those who fall in love thanks to Cupids arrow are destined to be together for life!” Clint was still trying not to laugh. “I didn’t know he was actually going to--”

“Oh god, look at him trying to fly.” Bucky broke in, and everyone turned to in time to see Thor launch himself into the air, ready an arrow and send it flying towards Steve.

“I turned at the last minute and it caught me in the shoulder.” Steve grumbled, and the video cut out just as on-screen Steve started shrieking and Thor started running over to check on him. “Clint, I’m going to kill you. I swear I’m going to kill you. Gonna kick your ass from here clear to next--”

“Steve, my love.” Thor rushed through the kitchen door and the kitchen went completely silent when they all saw him slicked up with baby oil, swaddled in what looked like an XXL Depends, still carrying a bow with a pair of hilariously small wings set on his back. “I am so sorry, I never intended to harm you or to--”

Natasha broke first, laughing out loud and then screaming as she inhaled a terrible amount of ungodly hot coffee and Clint was cackling too hard to even help her. Bruce flipped his paper open, holding it high enough that he didn’t have to see the room anymore, Sam sat with his mouth wide open and Tony and Bucky just-- well they just stared because honestly what the fuck.

“Is your shoulder alright?” Thor fussed over it quietly, gathering Steve close and cursing when his hands slipped slick on Steve’s skin. “Forgive me. I assumed you were wearing something of armor, thought it would be just a symbolic gesture and nothing more, something to make you laugh.”

“You could have not used real arrows.” Steve pointed out, steadfastedly ignoring the chaos behind him. “You could have not used real arrows, Thor. You could have used the prank ones with little plungers on the tips.”

“I suppose so.” Thor nodded gravely. “Next time I will not use real arrows.”

“Next time?” Steve yelped, throwing his hands up as he stomped from the kitchen “What do you mean next time? Why the hell is there going to be a next time?!”

It took ten full minutes for everyone to stop laughing, for Sam to wipe the tears from his eyes, for Natasha to quit pinching at Clint, for Tony to stop guffawing at the top of his lungs while Bucky wondered how hard it would be scrub his eyes with bleach so he wouldn't have to think about Thor in a goddamn diaper ever again.

Bruce just very calmly turned to the ‘housing’ section of the newspapers and began circling ads for roommates wanted and homes for rent.

Life in this place was absolutely ridiculous.

****************

From Clint: Natasha my ridiculously hot wife who owns my very soul and each breath I take, are we all set for tomorrow night?

From Bucky: Okay well lets never let Clint talk like that every again, please and thank you.

From Clint: So what, Thor can wax stupidly poetic but I can’t?

From Thor: THAT IS CORRECT HAWKEYE

From Tony: Thor texts? And also, why does Thor text in all caps?

From Thor: A GOD DESERVES TO BE HEARD BY ALL

From Tony: I honestly don’t know what I was expecting. Carry on Hammer man.

From Thor: I SHALL

From Natasha: Clint, you could have just texted me. This might shock you but not all of our conversations need to be group texts.

From Bruce: Oh thank god, someone finally said it. Clint please take your wife’s advice. Please stop making every conversation a group text.

From Sam: Brucie bear, I just don’t really see that happening. Everyone in this place loves to gossip way too much.

From Steve: Sam’s right, and I hate to be the one to say this especially considering how much I hated these damn things in the beginning, but I do think the group chats have brought us closer as a group. I’ve started to enjoy the insights into everyone’s relationships and being able to ask for advice without having to feel awkward about it is very refreshing.

From Natasha: Captain Rogers, does this mean you forgive Tony and I for the arm length dildo dick slapping session?

From Steve: It means nothing of the sort, after Valentines Day I’m going to do something really awful to both of you to make up for it.

From Tony: That’s absolutely fair.

From Clint: Okay, no wait

From Bucky: Uh Tony, obviously there’s a story you haven’t told me yet?

From Tony: I had to buy something named Vlad the Impaler. Its-- it's a long story.

From Thor: Steven, I thought dick slapping was off the table for us? Yet you let Natasha and Tony manhandle you in such a manner?

From Sam: Whoops, where did the all caps go, Thor?

From Thor: A subject just as this felt like it should be whispered about.

From Sam: Right, that seems like it makes perfect sense. But also, I definitely need to know what happened between Steve and Nat and Tony and who’s wang was doing the wapping.

From Bruce: This is literally the worst conversation. I thought the ones about dicking down and sexy shenanigans were bad, but nope. This is it. This is the worst.

From Steve: Bruce is right, let’s just move on.

From Clint: NO NO NO. Cap just got done talking bullshit about how these things draw us closer as a group, and now you’re not going to share? SHARE Captain. Let’s grow through this experience together.

From Natasha: Well said, my love. Captain should I tell the story or do you want to?

From Steve: I am NOT telling this story and neither is anyone else.

From Tony: You literally are the worst wet blanket in the entire world and I cannot believe we are best friends.

From Steve: Thanks for that Tony.

From Clint: ANYWAY. Natasha is everything set for tomorrow night?

From Natasha: Yes, my love. I have all required supplies, enough protein to get us through the night, I pulled our saddle out of storage, and our box from Costco was at the post office this morning.

From Clint: We get boxes from Costco?

From Natasha: I was trying to spare everyone else. It’s actually from Castle Mega Store.

From Clint: YES! WHOO! BOXES FROM SEX WAREHOUSES! YES!

From Steve: I take back what I said about group bonding, lets stop doing this right now.

********************

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.6 “The Iron Throne”

Well, our watch is over. 

I don’t know how to feel, considering this entire season was very up and down and all over the place. Not to mention extremely whiplash-inducing. From Jaime’s whole show arc meaning zip to Daenerys’ roller coaster descent into the “Burn It All” Mad Queen to Cersei’s boring death, season 8 as a whole was NOT GREAT, BOB.

There were a few decent moments in the finale though. Sansa was crowned Queen in the North, so that was awesome. Drogon’s “but mama, wake up!” moment broke my damn heart. Ghost finally got his good boi snuggles. 

But overall? Yeesh.

‘Kay, let’s try not to boo and hiss when the “Executive produced and written by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss” credit flashes across the screen.

Try.

As the finale opens, Tyrion is seen wandering through the desecrated streets of King’s Landing, dumbfounded that the Queen he (and many of us) believed in actually did this crap.

He separates from the others while Jon, Davos, and Co. locate Grey Worm about to commit some post-surrender slaughter of some Lannister army soldiers, in the name of the new Queen. Davos suggests he and Jon go speak with Dany while Grey Worm continues his slaughterin’. 

If there is one thing you can say for Torgo Nudho, it’s that he’s fiercely loyal.

Tyrion meanders to the crumbling remains of the Red Keep, heads right for the basement, presumably with his fingers and toesies crossed, and realizes the escape to the beachhead where he’d stored his little dinghy is blocked by a rock wall. So he heads to one of the few piles of bricks on the floor and lo and behold--

Really, Cersei and Jaime look more like they are in the middle of a good nap. And there aren’t that many brick piles on the floor. Like they could’ve moved somewhere else in the basement and avoided dying but yanno, plot. 

Arya’s picking through the fire-lined streets of King’s Queen’s Landing until she eventually comes to the town square...place. The Redkeepplatz? Der Rotenwohnturmplatz? Where she spies some jubilant Dothraki playing with their horsies. They won, they’re feeling (temporarily) awesome.

Of course, GoT is legally contracted to never go more than a scene or two without featuring the brooding face of Jon Snow, which it does, as he climbs up the stairs leading to Der Roten Wohnturm. Naturally, the gold and red lion banners of the Lannisters have been removed (and likely thrown into a corner somewhere for the Dothraki horses to poop on) and in their place is one big Targaryen one.

Rather reminiscent of a dog pissing on a fire hydrant, is it not?

So Brooding Jon and his wolfhead cane (I am still pissed that he didn’t beat off any errant Dead with it, I must say) climb up the steps under Grey Worm’s disapproving eye--remember, Jon has been kinda against slaughterin’ Lannister soldiers who already surrendered to which Grey Worm is all *Pikachu gasp face*--to meet his Queen/sort of girlfriend/aunt, who makes her grand entrance like this:

Fabulous, dahlink! Dany is like a catwalk walker at a high-high-fashion Milan event. In fact, if Versace or John Paul doesn’t hire Emilia Clarke to recreate just this moment for the next Fashion Week (yanno, the one at Milan or Paris or New York, not at, like, Tallahassee Fashion Week), I will not buy any more of their products. Not that I could before.

No, she didn’t paste dragon wings to her back. It’s just Drogon. But the shot sure looks cool!

Daenerys catwalks out to her adoring public--quite a lot of adoring public.

Srsly. I thought from the glimpse of trailer that all those soldiers were, idk, surrendered Lannister Army who’d sworn fealty or something. Weren’t most of her forces annihilated during the Battle of Winterfell? There were certainly not this many after Drogon Dracarysed the crap out of the K.L. gates and they burst into the city walls. 

There is raucous cheering and whooping...from the Dothraki. The Unsullied just sort of stand there and bang their poles against the ground because they are boring. 

Dany gives a rousing speech about the Dothraki being the blood of her blood, they kept all her promises to her, defeated her enemies, blah blah, and Drogon roars as if it is a football game. 

She makes Grey Worm her Master of War, which he kinda was all this time, just now it’s official. I guess he gets better pay now.

Dany switches tongues and addresses the Unsullied in High Valyrian. The Dothraki are there like “Dafuq is she talking about?” Just as the Unsullied were before. She calls them “liberators”.

Audience:

You should really stop using that word, Dany. English teachers would red-pen all over this essay.

Dany continues in her exuberant High Valyrian that they will not stop until every man, woman, and child in the world, from Winterfell to Dorne and Lannisport to Qarth, has experienced her flavor of “mercy”.

Arya’s in the back watching like--

Is it me or is this victory speech rather...”Hitler giving a rousing oration at a Nazi rally” esque?

Arya may not be loving this but the Unsullied, with their *tap tap* and the Dothraki excitedly raising their Arakhs and Scimitars in glee, sure do. Tho idk exactly what has the Dothraki so riled up. Dany’s still speaking High Valyrian; they have no idea what she’s saying.

Tyrion is not happy with Dany either. Probably because she killed his brother and burned a shitload of people. He walks up to her as she winds up her Hitlerish speech and she looks at him with some of that ice borrowed from the North. In English, she accuses him of committing treason for freeing Jaime. He in turn meets her gaze and throws away his Hand to the Queen pin.

Dany orders Tyrion taken away, presumably to be Dracarysed. And Jon is watching all this happening like this:

We’ve all done it, don’t lie. “I know he has a swastika tattoo on his face but he’s only a Nazi on the weekends!”

Dany meets his gaze silently telling him to “respect mah authoritah”--

--and she walks away with Unsullied flanking her. I am not sure where to. Half of the Red Keep is in ruins. 

As Jon watches, Arya appears beside him like a ghost. He asks her what she is doing here and what happened and the audience goes in tandem--

What do you think happened, Jon?! Your girlfriend torched the city. Arya’s there in the city. You think she magically poofed there covered in dirt?

You still know nothing, Jon Snow.

Arya confesses that she came to kill Cersei, who of course died the most boring and undeserving death. Her presence right now is solely to remind Jon that Dany knows his true name and heritage and because of that he will always be a threat to her. 

Jon goes to visit Tyrion in isolation--handing over his cane, which for a second I thought was an umbrella; I now think every Great House should have a House Umbrella--and the first thing he asks is thus:

Tyrion is disappoint but thanks Jon for coming to see him anyway. It is ironic, he pontificates. He is the one who told Dany of Varys’ treasonous acts and now he’s getting the Drac for the same thing. Well now Varys’ ashes can say “I told you so”. He then asks Jon if there is life after death. Cus, you know, Jon would know. But Jon does not remember any. Tyrion is relieved. Oblivion is all he can hope for after choking Shae, shooting Daddy Tywin with a crossbow, and betraying Dany. 

And he is prettttttttyyyy sure the war ain’t over. Dany will go on “liberating” until everyone is “free”--and of course by “free” I mean either loyal or barbecued. 

Jon is checked in at Justification Station:

Tyrion asks him if he would’ve done it. After all, he’d been on the dragon’s back before. Jon stutters that he doesn’t know but Tyrion, and all of us, know he would not have. Tyrion is probably speaking to the same portion of the audience who loves Dany when he bites out that “Everywhere she goes, evil men die and we cheer her for it” and that portion, of which I count myself, reply--

Why wouldn’t we? When she Dracarysed those assholes at Astapor, I fistpumped like Pauly D. 

Jon slumps down on a nearby stool. “Love is the death of duty” Maester Aemon said long ago. But, Tyrion posits, maybe duty is the death of love. Jon always tried to do the right thing by the people. Who is the biggest threat to the people now?

Tyrion knows that he’s asking Jon to do a horrible thing, but it’s the right thing. After all, Jon is the most dangerous person in the world to her, being the rightful heir. Alas, Jon stutters that it’s Dany’s decision as Queen, I guess whether to kill him or not, tells Tyrion he’s sorry he’s gon’ be Dracarysed, and is about to leave when Tyrion tries one last ditch by bringing up Sansa and Arya. They’ll never be loyal to Dany, and Jon will have to choose.

With lots to think about, Jon goes to confront Dany, who is prowling around the mess she made of the Red Keep. Drogon, as always, is faithfully standing guard beneath a pile of ash. Or is it snow? Is there snow in the capital? Questions.

Inside (I...guess?), Dany ventures into the once glorious throne room, which now looks like this:

Hope you have a good Master of Coin in mind, Dany.

The new Queen is stunned and delighted about finally coming face to face with the Iron Throne.

Yes. Hundreds of swords all melded together sounds fabulous for my back. Why does everyone want to sit in this thing so badly?

That is when Jon shows up. He begs Dany to spare the lives of the remaining Lannister prisoners. Tyrion from the impending doom of the dragon’s breath. Dany shakes her head. They cannot get by on “small mercies” when there is a whole world who needs...mercy. It will be a good world, she insists. She will make Jon see that it will be a good world. 

He asks about everyone else. The people who “don’t know what’s good”. Dany’s reply: “They don’t get to choose.”

Dany wraps Jon in her arms and demands he be with her because they’re fated, they’ll break the wheel together, blah blah 

And for a moment, just a moment, it almost appears to be working. They kiss passionately, there’s a glint of metal, Dany looks shocked. And then...

Yeah, I didn’t spoil myself, though the season eight plots were easily accessible on Reddit. Probably posted by an annoyed PA who is firmly in the “this season blew” camp. In fact, I am willing to bet it’s the same guy who left The Cup in 8.4. He did it on purpose. 

But still, though I had a feeling Daenerys would not make it out of the finale alive, I was not prepared. It makes total sense for Jon to ultimately kill Dany, as he is the only one who could get close enough to her to do it aside from Grey Worm, who would never, and, of course, Drogon. There is a poetic irony to having the man who loves her ultimately be her end.

And yet...

Poor Jon. Two girlfriends, both dead. 

As Jon cradles her, Drogon starts creepin’. His dragon senses tell him that something’s happened to his mommy. Jon lays his deceased lady love on the floor and Drogon creeps up behind him, scaring the pants off him. He pads over to Dany’s inert body, trying to wake her up.

All together now:

I literally aww’d out loud when I first watched this. Twice. On Twitter, people have likened this scene to Simba pawing at a deceased Mufasa after the wildebeest stampede in The Lion King. It’s pretty reminiscent. “Mom? Mom? Wake up, we got the Iron Throne now!” 

Realizing that his mama really is dead, Drogon is not happy. He growls at Jon, rears up, and fire swirls at the back of his throat. Jon, for his part, remains stoic. I suppose he thinks he deserves this after becoming a Queenslayer. 

But Drogon spares him, perhaps unable to harm a Targaryen? Instead, he takes his ire out on the ironically defenseless throne made of dead men’s swords.

He melts the fuck out of that throne until it’s nothing but molted metal. No one entirely knows why, but two theories are prevalent. One, that Drogon understood that it was really the Iron Throne that killed his mother in the end, her ambition to lead, and not Jon. Dragons are supposed to be incredibly intelligent. And two, as Leslie Jones put it, “If my mama can’t have it, ain’t nobody having it!”

Once the evil pointy chair is gone, Drogon cradles Dany’s body in his talons and flies away with her. 

And I’m dead.

Oh, I’m so sad for Drogon. First the Night King took Viserion. Then, Captain Underpants shot down Rhaegal. Now his mom’s gone. 

I want to hug him.

The next day, Grey Worm and Co. come for Tyrion, but instead of being Dracarysed, he’s led to the Dragonpit, where various heads of Great Houses are assembled to discuss What To Do Now--yanno, that Jon Snow killed the Queen. Yara wants him dead, as well as the Prince of Dorne. Arya threatens to cut her throat if she says that again. Davos, as usual, is the voice of reason. He tries to bribe Grey Worm with the Reach but the Unsullied do not want payment; they want justice. 

Tyrion says it’s not for Grey Worm to decide, and Grey Worm is pissed. But it’s for their King or Queen to decide, and the powerful people before him must pick one.

Grey Worm’s like--

He is not all in on this idea but he’s gonna humor it.

Sam starts to suggest democracy but everyone’s like LOL.

Edmure Tully, aka Tobias Menzies, aka Frank/Black Jack Randall on Outlander, who we haven’t seen since season six, rises and attempts to make a case for himself being named King. Sansa has no time for his antics.

Burn after reading, Edmure. 

Honestly, I’d have preferred this side character we haven’t seen for two seasons over the guy they actually picked. Tyrion, who, I may remind, is the prisoner here, makes a case that the best man/woman (it’s a man) for the job is someone with “the best story”. Okay, cool, I can get behind that.

And then he says, “Who has a better story than Bran Stark?”

Uh...

Let’s see, of the remaining nobles, Sansa has overcome a shitload of adversity to become a really kickass, strong leader of her House, Arya was raised a spoiled little girl and could’ve lived off that but instead threw all those trappings aside to transform into a literal assassin, Brienne is now the first woman knight in all of Westeros, Tyrion went against his House to support a southern Queen and survived a false accusation of poisoning his nephew by his sister, Sam was sentenced to the Night’s Watch by his jackass of a father only to find love, family, and survive the Battle of Winterfell, Yara was kidnapped by her pirate uncle, lost her brother, and is now Queen of the Iron Islands, and Jon, well Jon, what didn’t Jon fucking do? 

Bran was carried around by the poor dude whose head he fucked with for a few years and spent this season being an unemotional robot.

Tyrion asks Bran if he’s up to the role and Bran replies--

.....!

............!!!!!!!!

WHAT HAPPENED TO “I CAN’T BE THE LORD OF WINTERFELL, I’M THE THREE-EYED RAVEN”?! Even Isaac Hempstead-Wright said when he originally got the script, he thought it was a joke. 

We’re supposed to believe he is not up to the task of lording Winterfell but the Seven Kingdoms? No problem.

I’m sorry, the Six Kingdoms. Sansa will not agree to appoint Bran King unless he gives the North independence, which he does.

Six Kingdoms does not sound as good, y’all.

Bran’s a Six Chick now.

So everyone votes and the newfound oligarchy of Westeros toast to their new KingBot.

They call him Bran the Broken because every royal needs a nickname. It’s kind of insulting but I highly doubt Westeros was at all #woke.

I like my ideas better.

Bran makes Tyrion his Hand to make up for all his mistakes in the past, and Grey Worm bugs out because he’s a criminal and deserves justice. But Bran is now a KingBot and can do what he wants so there!

Tyrion, saved from execution, reports to a reckt-looking Jon that KingBot has decided to send him to the Night’s Watch, which still exists for some reason. He will take no wife, bore no children, etc, al., we’ve heard the spiel before. 

Jon asks Tyrion if what they did was right because he feels like shit and Tyrion tells him to ask him again in ten years. So they don’t even know if killing Dany was a good thing or a bad thing.

As Jon ambles through the docks, he passes Grey Worm’s ship. One of the Unsullied lets him know in High Valyrian that all the men are on board and wistfully he nods his reply.

Naath, being of course, Missandei’s home. Grey Worm and the Unsullied are fulfilling a promise he made to Missandei before the Battle of Winterfell--that he would accompany her back home to protect her people from slavers. Now, sans Missandei, he is keeping that promise.

At the docks, Sansa asks Jon if he can forgive her. He is a better person than I because I would’ve been like--

Jon tells her the North has its independence because of her, they hug, and he moves onto Arya. She can’t visit him at the Night’s Watch because she is going on an adventure! She’s gonna start world-building. Arya the World-Builder!

She’s going west of Westeros. For the glory of the Starks and the North. Maybe start a colony there and push some indigenous people onto reservations.

 Next, Jon goes down the line to bid goodbye to his new KingBot.

Seven Six Hells, it’s a good thing this is the finale because calling BranBot “Your Grace” and bending the knee to him will never not be super odd.

Jon tells him he’s sorry he wasn’t there when KingBot needed him and KingBot assures him he was exactly where he was supposed to be with that creepy blank face. Y’all may as well have installed HAL as King.

In the miraculously intact and debris-free Red Keep, the new Commander of the Kingsguard is searching through the Big Book of Westerosi Knights For Dummies--

--for Jaime’s entry, I guess to complete his story, and somehow she finds the wherewithal not to be catty.

There, Brienne. Fixed it for you.

At the small council table, Tyrion reverently sits in the seat of the Hand to the King while the rest of the council comes pouring in. Sam places a thick tome in front of Tyrion, and when he asks what it is, Sam proudly states that it’s A Song of Ice and Fire, a history of the wars following Robert’s Rebellion and death. 

There isn’t much that takes me out of the experience more than mentioning the title of the show I’m watching. And although this is Game of Thrones, we all know it’s based on the ASoIaF book series. 

By Archmaester Ebrose, eh? You sure it wasn’t, say, Archmaester Jyrge of House Martyn?

The in-universe AsoIaF doesn’t even mention Tyrion, which is hilarious.

Brienne and KingBot enter and everyone stands and calls him “Your Grace” and we snicker. At the table, the first thing KingBot does is ask about the missing Masters of Whisperers, Law, and War. And also where Drogon is. Sam says he is flying east but KingBot seems determined to find him.

What’s he gonna do, warg into Drogon? You leave that poor baby alone, KingBot! In a short time, he’s lost both his brothers and his mother. He’s totally alone. Don’t bother him no more!

#LeaveDrogonAlone!

Before Podrick, who is now Ser Podrick, takes him away, everyone stands to salute their KingBot.

Maybe I’m a broken record, but Bran being crowned King is like getting an A+ on the presentation when you spent the whole prep time playing Words With Friends on your phone.

When he leaves, the remaining small council members discuss rebuilding the armada and distributing wealth responsibly. Bronn has been named Lord of the Reach and is now Master of Coin. His first priority as such is--

Naturally. 

Tyrion also comes to the conclusion that after extensive research into the sewers at Casterly Rock, clean water=healthy people.

No!

The camera slowly pulls out on our happy merry men (and woman) of the council so I guess that means that is the last time we will see them.

At Castle Black--

And so fast? Are all the builders in the North drinking Four Loko or what?

There, waiting, is Tormund, like he’s Leo at the end of Titanic. He knew Jon would be back. Because he’s “got the real North in him”.

In all corners of Westeros, the Starks are doin’ their thang. Arya is setting sail for places unknown, brandishing the Stark sigil.

Sansa is attending her coronation of Queen in the North after winning the Northern independence.

And Jon is among the wildlings at Castle Black. He seems to be searching for someone in particular amongst the throng. 

And then, he finds him!

It’s Ghost! The goodest good boi in the wide world finally got his snuggles from his Daddy. 

He deserves all the love and treats because he’s the best boi.

Yes, he is! Yes, he is!

The finale closes with Tormund and Jon leading the Free Folk into the woods. Hmm..

Is Jon destined to be the King Beyond the Wall now? We’ll never know for sure because the show is over. But there is always fanfiction. 

I am reading one right now where Jon and Dany meet in Pentos before she is crowned Khaleesi. It’s good shit. 

So, uh, pros: Sansa being crowned Queen in the North was awesome. She deserved it. I can see Arya as an explorer. Cons: KingBot. WHY?! I cannot see him being the “great king” the other characters think he will be. He has no emotion, which is why he is KingBot. The first thing he does upon calling to order his first small council meeting is wondering where the fuck Drogon is so he can kill him. And it’s not enough that he’s elsewhere in the east. KingBot has to warg into him or into something near him to get his exact location. Idkkk him being King is pretty absurd. 

The finale was a week ago and I’m still in mourning for Dany. I’m in mourning for how fast the writers took her to Mad Queen status. I like the theory that Drogon is flying to Volantis to have Kinvara of the Red Priesthood revive her so that she can come back to Westeros and kick ass and take names. 

In the meantime, and forevermore, the wheel keeps on spinning...

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #207

“it’s late, and you’re still staring at the light; to call it an addiction’s impolite.”

Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? Happy being a girl. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? When it's to people who are aware of how behind I am in the adult world in any context, yes. Very. If they know nothing about me, then I don't care. Are you confident enough to reveal your height and weight? Height, I don't care. Weight, fuck no. What do your parents call you? Both usually say "Britt," but Dad's more likely to use terms of endearment like "sweetie" and such. Well, Mom does use "hunny" a lot too. How old were you when you first got to go on the computer? Idr. About the "normal" age for little kids that played Neopets, probably. Would you say you’re an emotional person? Way too emotional. What’s a color that suits you the best? Black. And a color you just can’t pull off/don’t want to? Probably most... I wouldn't know, almost every single thing I wear is black. I have literally one light purple shirt, and I think that's the only non-black shirt I own. Describe yourself when you were 6 years old? Very talkative, extremely imaginative, outgoing, I was definitely weird, tomboyish, very happy... Man, I miss being that kid sometimes. A type of personality you just can't stand? The older and older I get, the more I cannot STAND a closed mind. I like people who accept they're far from always right, and sometimes, your "right" isn't such for someone else, and that is fine. You don't have to see the same way to still get along perfectly (though of course, there's no need to respect an opinion that spits upon, invalidates, or is just plain hateful towards another person/group). Like just as an example 'cuz I feel like I explained that poorly; I'm really not into the idea of polygamy at all, but I'm not against it for people it works with. You do you. Your appearance in one word would be? "Abilify." :^) City type of person or country? I like the live in a more country-ish area, but I found through Chicago I LOVE /visiting/ cities. What’s something you’re obsessed about right now? When am I not obsessed with Mark, meerkats, Silent Hill, opossums (a newer addition), WoW, etc. etc.? My whole life runs on obsessing over something, fren. Your reaction if someone told you you look 10 years older than your age? ZOINKS that would suck ass. Do you really badly want anything right now? For the past couple weeks, I've become more and more antsy to get up to Sara's again. When I land a job, fancyin' up my tattoo just because as I've said again and again it is SO important to me and must be perfect, then I'm saving up to go back up there. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? With all this job searching and such going on, it's like all I can think about, so why not mention what fucked me up at my previous ones: Putting me in a position of responsibility and expected knowledge. Ex., when I was a sales associate and was asked "Oh, do you have this?"/"Where is this?", it was CONSTANT PANIC MODE because I never knew and had to ask somebody, when I was expected to be a knowledgeable employee to the customer, and then comes the horror of feeling like I'm inconveniencing and annoying them. Have any particular standard look you look for in a significant other? I don't have a "standard look," no, but I am more likely to be drawn to a gothic appearance. But I don't actively search for someone that meets that criteria or anything. Do you listen to Wiz Khalifa? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Please legalize medicinal use already. Recreationally, idk. Do you date outside your own race? I'd have no reservations against it. I dated a Hispanic... less than a day, but still, you get the point that I don't have a problem with it. What are some of your turn-offs? SEXIST/MISOGYNISTIC, too old-fashioned, racist and/or homophobic, raunchy, arrogant/self-centered, lack of sincere interest and enthusiasm in conversation, poor hygiene, I'm gonna get SHIT ON for saying "too slutty," not taking dating seriously... that kinda stuff. I'm so picky. Are you gay, straight, bi, or trans? Bisexual. Are you vegetarian? If not, would you ever consider becoming one? I'm not now, but I hope to return to it after I get to my goal weight... In my few months of vegetarianism, it was proven that my immense pickiness with food was making the diet unhealthy for me, as I was strongly lacking in certain vitamins and such. I'm going to have to somehow overcome that if I want to return to it, which I REALLY do want to do the more and more I get into animal welfare and care. Are you in love? Yes. Are you more of a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimist, I think, out of the two. But I like to see myself as a realist. How much money is in your wallet? Literally just $11 lmao. What’s your favorite sex position? Only experienced in these with a man, so answering with that in mind. I like sitting on his lap, facing him, with my legs around his back. What do you ultimately wish for in life? Happiness and peace. Have you ever been pregnant? No. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip your goddamn waiter/waitress, assholes. I do believe in tipping based on the quality of service, BUT at least give them SOMETHING for working. Do you have your driver’s license? No jkajdsklfaj;wer. I haaaave to practice more. Whenever I'm in the car, I always strongly prefer to listen to my music, controlling it from the passenger's seat, and at least right now, I can't drive with loud music, barely any at all really, so I have a hard time giving up blaring my music while Mom drives lmao. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No. What’s your favorite carnival food? Idk, I don't go nearly enough. Who did you last kiss? Romantically, Sara. Platonically, either my niece or nephew when leaving. Have you seen the final Harry Potter movie? I haven't even see one. Ever been called a slut? No. Would you ever have sex with someone not of your preferred sex? I'm bisexual so like- Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? No. Do you take any meds on a daily basis? Yep. What did you do today? Watched LPs as always; did some job searching; played WoW, way shorter than usual though; took a nap; made a new icon; took a shower; listened to music; did some social media scrolling. The usual stuff. What do you wear to bed at home? A tank top and pj pants. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? The same, but with a bra. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? No. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I'll just talk about the unordinary ones, 'cuz I have a lot. The ones I'd consider "weird" are vomiting, whale sharks, and pregnancy. Vomiting is because it's just incredibly unpleasant, but also because I know what goes down is not supposed to come back up. Like no one likes puking, no shit, but I'm legit afraid of it and lock up on what to do when I feel it coming, like I don't know what to do. Whale sharks... ahaha. It literally came from World of Warcraft. The design of their mouths is fucking horrifying, and I hate hate hate how they sometimes phase in-and-out of the Vashj'ir map so just like pOP UP. NAH, SON. It's just their damn mouths, even though I know their esophagus is far too small to swallow a human. As for pregnancy, just... ew. I'm afraid of parasites, and it's a parasitic relationship. Something should NOT be growing inside of you. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? I'm very compassionate, especially when it comes to others enduring emotional struggles. I really feel for hurting people. What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? I have strong morals and stick to them. I'll always stand up for what I feel is right. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? Ah jeez, there's a lot... but probably my anxiety. It's held me back and manipulated my actions since middle school. I struggle not followings its rules, but I'm sure trying. Who do you most admire? Mark, my mom, Sara, Sara's dad, Steve Irwin... man, there's too many great people. Who do you most love? Sara, my mom, and my pets, Teddy especially. What three things do you look for most in a partner? EXPRESSING OF THEIR EMOTIONS/TRULY FEELING!!!!!!!!, compassion, and a cool head. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? Hm. Good question... There's a lot, but mostly little wonders; I feel like I have a decent understanding of the god I personally see, so don't have any magnificent questions. Perhaps regarding why they created our world. That'd be interesting. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10: 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper: 7. Charm: *big shrug* Cheerfulness: 3-4. Confidence: 0-3. Courtesy: 8-10. Curiosity: 6-10. Forgiveness: 9-10. Generosity: 8-10. Greed: 0-3. Helpfulness: Well, I like to try to help, but I don't feel I'm very successful at that, so idk. Honesty: 5-9, depending on who I'm talking to and what the subject is, I guess. Loyalty: This is very flexible, and I don't feel like I can put a number on it. It depends on how deserving you are of the trait, and yes, you can lose my loyalty in a heartbeat if you give me reason to take it away. Optimism: 0-4. Patience: This can go from a whopping 0 to a 10, lmao. Very dependent on the situation. Self-sacrifice: 8-9. Wit: -10. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken. Tight bonds scattered between certain people, no bonds with others. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? The breakup. I wouldn't wish that night upon Satan himself. How did it affect you? We know. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? Speaking of that... Jason is in most nightmares I remember. The common theme is it's either after the breakup and we have an awkward running in with each other, or it's long before when everything was "perfect." All things considered, I'd call even that a nightmare. Those fuck with me the most. Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Do you have any close friends? I can count those on maybe two fingers. Of what are you most proud? Letting Jason go. Of what are you most ashamed? I've talked about the Joel situation multiple times. What is your religion? Theist. Where do you stand on abortion? Mostly pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? Sometimes justifiable and one's deserving end. Felons are lucky enough it's done humanely. Where do you stand on wearing fur? If you're not surviving out in the arctic, fuck you and all you stand for. Could you kill somebody? I'm perfectly aware I could in defense situations. For what reason would you kill somebody? Defending myself or loved ones. Hell, probably even strangers. I'd kill a rapist with zero fucking hesitation, even if they were assaulting someone I'd never seen before. Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? No. Do you trust easily, or not? NOPE. What, if anything, would you sacrifice your life for? Defending peace, gay rights, or if it was to protect most of those I love. What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? Be a successful photographer, reach financial stability, come to a point where I'm actually proud of what I've done, play a roll in wildlife conservation, be happily married, and just overall be content and satisfied with my life. How do you plan to reach them? Working my goddamn ass off and not taking "no" for an answer (not about the marriage part tho lmao). Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? No. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? I just want a pet family with Sara. What do you see yourself doing next year? Man, I don't have a clue... What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? I don't want to think of that. That's too far ahead. I'll be 43... I've gotta work on too many things now. Would you ever have an affair? I'm very curious as to who would actually answer "yes" to this. Would you ever have a one night stand? No. Lmaoooo actually this is sad as fuck, but I think I've said in a previous survey just knowing myself, if we were both single and clicked, I'd be doomed if it was Markiplier. My morals would sadly go out the window. If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? That's literally been the story of my life for years now, especially the past two. And it's torture. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? No. Well, actually, I do want to do wildlife photography, and it can be pretty dangerous. Were you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. Do you have any famous relatives? No. Ancestors, yeah, but not close relatives. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. What type of criminal would you be? With how forgetful I am, I'm certain I'd be a very clumsy one that gets caught very quickly, lol. What are you listening to right now? "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you had to choose a stripper name, what would it be? Um idk. If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling? Someone for a job interview. Do you drink? Rarely and/or for some special occasions. Never enough to get drunk. Do you smoke? No. What is the first thing you notice in someone? I guess posture? How they carry themselves? Do you get attached easily? BOY! DO I!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like your eye color? I wish they were more blue. Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance? Definitely not bungee jumping, I know how I react to that kind of up/down movement, and probably not skydiving, either. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Both regularly since middle school. Are looks important in a relationship? Not very. What is your favorite thing to do? Binge a new song I fell in love with for like days lmao. What was the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? PhotoScape. It's easier to move watermarks for photos on there, and I was working on the ones I took a few days back. Do you like to gossip? No, I feel super guilty. What kind of computer do you have? An Acer. Do you know all the words to your national anthem? I think? Have you ever failed a grade? No. Have you ever made the opposite sex cry? Yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nah. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you own a designer purse? Hell no. Waste of money for a goddamn purse that's just gonna get dirty and scratched. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Jason and I magically had a baby over summer vacation when I was very obviously never pregnant. Do you say the "h" in the word “herb”? No, though I did for a super long time 'cuz I had no idea it was wrong. Do you speak any languages besides English? Not fluently. Can you run in high heels? I wouldn't really know, but boy do I doubt it. Do you have to take stairs or an elevator to get to your house? No. What do you usually order at Subway? Ummm I think white bread, ham, American cheese, bacon, jalapenos, banana peppers, and Chipotle sauce. I think that's it. Did an alarm wake you up this morning? No. How long is your mother’s hair? Past her shoulderblades, near the middle of her back. Is there any particular place you’d like to vacation to next? Surprisingly, I'd love to go somewhere tropical, like Hawaii or some shit like that. Somewhere with clear water and unique, beautiful wildlife and nature. What is your beer of choice, if any? Never tried beer, never want to. The smell is bad enough. That and I associate it with when Dad was an alcoholic. Did you share a bed with anyone last night? No. Well, other than with my cat. Do you know anyone who volunteers regularly? Yes. Have you ever ruined a nice pair of shoes, and how? Maybe, playing in puddles or biking through them and mud as a kid or something. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Sara. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? None. Have you texted a relative in the past week? Not besides immediate family. Are you doing anything important today? No. If I were to bring you any type of food right now, what would you pick? If I was actually hungry, I have been craving hotdogs on the grill like CRAZY lately. No clue why. When did you move into the house you’re currently living in? April-ish 2017. Do you ever sleep with the light on? No, I can't. Do you pray to Jesus? 20+ years of that did nothing. No. What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks? N/A Do you have a bonfire pit in your yard? No. Would you consider being homeless if it meant you could travel the world? I don't know; there's lots of factors to consider. Would I be willing to leave my pets (but Teddy, probably; I'd want him with me) with my mom? Would I have something like a camper? Where am I getting this money to travel and provide for myself? Do you know your next-door neighbor? Mom knows one, but I personally don't. What’s something you have never done? Lots of things? As an example, uhhh... I've never done a cartwheel, despite childhood efforts? Name someone you know who is a true risk-taker, adventurer, and free spirit. Do you admire that person? Idk. Do you wish you were more of a free spirit? I think I already am, but it'd be cool to be more of one. Are you allergic to any medications? No. How do you feel when someone says something you’ve experienced doesn’t exist? Tell me depression isn't real, my PTSD isn't genuine, I can "get over" my anxiety if I want to hard enough, stuff like that, and I will not fucking associate with you. These are things that have massively affected my life; I dare someone to tell me these experiences aren't real issues. What worldview do you have? A realistic one, I think. I'm positive in some areas, negative in others. Hm... I'm probably more pessimistic about the world's future, though. Do you have friends who have different religious beliefs than you? Duh? If applicable, who was the first person you “came out” to? Sara. What’s one thing you’d like to do more? Travel. What was your style in high school? Some emo/metalhead hybrid that wished with all her heart to be capable of affording a goth wardrobe and bitch I still do. What’s one thing you are jealous that other people got to do but you didn’t? Have a healthy teenage experience. Have you ever taken birth control pills continuously? I have for years for my cycle. I had just about debilitating cramps and sometimes periods that lasted over a week. Who is your personality twin? Sara is probably the closest. What’s a common name that you hate? Edward, above all. Not a big fan of William, Robert, or Allen, either. Who do you wish you were best friends with? If you don't count my girlfriend as "best friend," maybeeee... Alon still? Or Baylee. I need to talk more to her, she's awesome. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? I don't believe so. …in fairies? I believed in the Tooth Fairy. …in Santa? Yes. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. What is your newest hobby? Hm, I don't think I've found a new one for a long while... What gives your life meaning? I don't know. What motivates you to do what you do? The pursuit of happiness. What was the weather like the last time you went out? Too fucking hot. Do you go for walks often? No, though I really want to around a lake at a local, small park. Problems consist of no way to get there myself, it's WAY too fucking hot with my sweating issue, and my knees just wouldn't have it; I know I couldn't walk the full lap around it. Also expect some art installations around the path and probably the gazebo are PokeStops for Pokemon Go and really wish I could play it, so that's bait to do it lmao. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? It really depends on who I'm watching. Favorite on the face of the planet are Mark's ego projects, then my second fave are probably Shane's conspiracy videos, then I love let's plays. Do you need any new clothes right now? I seriously need more pants. And new bras. Do you collect anything? If so, what? Silent Hill merch and meerkat stuff. ^and if not, what would you like to collect? When I can buy shit myself, ya girl is gonna have way too much Markiplier merch. YouTuber stuff in general, actually. Too shy to ask for that kinda stuff now lol. Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think so. What was the last thing you ate? A burger. Do you ever eat food that’s intended for kids? ...? Like, baby food? No. Or maybe you mean shit like Lunchables? In cases like that, sometimes? What was the last stupid thing you did? Oh boy, who knows. Do you get embarrassed easily? You. Have. No. Idea. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, then uhhhh... I like Chloe and Adrian. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? Hell no. I'd never wanna see it, I'd never want my hypothetical child to have to witness that, etc. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. Wet clothes are no. Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight, I guess? Though my hair does swoop to the right, so it's kinda a wave? What was the last craft project you completed? Oh, yeesh. I don't do crafts. The closest thing was I guess Sara's Valentine's Day gift for last year? Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier is literally the only one that matters lmao and it's not "would like to meet in person," he will be forced to endure meeting me ok. Meeting Shane Dawson would be amazing, he's such a relatable sweetie, aaaaand #3 would probably be Rhett and/or Link, as similar to Mark, they deserve a tear-filled thanks as well as back-breaking hugs for seriously helping in keeping me alive through my suicidal year. I mean it when I say they genuinely helped me keep going. What color are your nails painted currently? They’re never painted. Do you use a pill box? No. List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold: Jason, Jason, and Jason. Have you ever felt threatened for your life? No. Which did you like better: high school or college? My college experience was horrid. High school had great memories, but of course negative ones, too. Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? 2017. …and why? It was my year of recovery from the breakup. What was the last store you shopped at? I went to Wal-Mart with Mom. I think that was the most recent, anyway. Do you have a favorite pharmacist? No. Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? No. What’s something you discovered recently? I'm a Billie Eilish fan. What makes you more creative? Music. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? YO okay so when my brother and nephew were here, we went to the science museum and into a 360 VR-esque show about astronauts. I got SO nauseous and dizzy, but it was nevertheless extremely cool. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Just tonight! I ordered at a drive-thru myself. Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant? An elephant! Do you want to lose weight? You have no fucking idea. Which insects scare you, if any? Lmao most. Especially rhinoceros beetles, big beetles in general honestly, cockroaches, earwigs, centipedes... like a lot okay. I like observing praying mantises, but I would probably have a fucking heart attack if one was on me. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of a tiny insect? Well, yeah, though I get the likely survival reason, that being we know many are venomous, so we're naturally averse to them, especially if we don't recognize the type. Were you raised religious? Yes. Have you ever been abused? No, thankfully. Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? N/A If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Man, I have SO many color combination ideas. If I could get it done in the safest manageable way by a pro, I saw this look once with totally bleached/pure white hair that fades to blood-red tips, and BOY would I get that in a heartbeat. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope so. I think so. The only thing I imagine myself being weak with are tattoos. Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? I don't think so... List five careers that you’d like to have: Meerkat biologist, paleontologist, artist, poet, something in wildlife conservation/protection. List five far-out things that you’d like to do before you die: Scuba-dive, I'd LIKE to ride a rollercoaster (far-out for me, trust me), but I know I never will, and uh... idk. Riding a motorcycle would be cool, but that's another thing I hiiighly doubt I'll do. What was your first imaginary friend’s name? I never had one. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Chance, a cat my mom rescued. She was our very first family pet. She was absolutely incredible. Do you like to go barefoot? Unless I'm in a house, no. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? Yeah. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah. Is there someone who stopped talking to you for no reason? Oh, who to begin with? Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank or bitch? "Bitch" more than once. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? With Jason, yeah. And I don't think so, but maybe Sara briefly? Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. What would you do if you were pregnant? I don't have a fucking clue. Do you like cuddling? With someone I love. Have you ever cried in school? Yes, but I think I kept it private. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? A woman whose wedding I'm shooting this Saturday. Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act? Just making out. Where did you get drunk last? N/A What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a dirty one? No. How did you do on the last test you took? I haven't been in school for a long time. How come you’re not going out with the person you love? I am.

[stan-and-the-newbie]

A kpop newbie’s reaction to BLACKPINK

Alexa: bold Alex: italic

today you are reacting to... BlackPink!

o damn, are you sure this band isn’t your favourite?

pFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT-  ok, good one, anyway this is them :3

((she tried sending me a picture but it didn’t work))

awh come oN

~ technical difficulties, please stand by ~

dfgfd shhhHhhHhH i know wot im doin smdh. this is alreaDY GOING BADLY

...should i just google them?

its okay, i got it. this is them

o damn. they're very pretty, but that was to be expected

yep.. so what concept do you think they have? lol as if it isnt obvious

idk man three of them are giving me death glares. uhh black? and pink?

tbh,,,,,they have the girl crush concept, like, theyre all badass and stuff

oh, well that’s..  interesting

i cant believe im letting you edit this post..  anyway, opinion on them? they dont look that similar, thank god

well the red-haired one i like the most so far since she doesn't look like she wants to choke me (and not in the kinky way)

fgjgfghj yes i see

the one wearing the 2b outfit is probably your goth waifu

omf

and the pink(TM) one looks like she's the sugar mommy of the group

m o o d

i'm guessing she's the leader? it could just be the thanos throne

they dont really have a leader..  this is also them

ah, lovely, a picture where they don't look like they want to murder me

yes, finally

a bunch of talented asian cuties, wot is new

to be honesT. i'll start with the first one from the second picture

alrighty

her stage name is rose

the first two from left to right are the prettiest imo

o rlly

i'm gonna get lynched alive for saying that, aren’t i

so, opinion?

she's uhhh 23? and a singer, and she's the goofy one

well youre right about her being a singer..  shes 21, and yes, she is pretty goofy. she is fluent in english because she is australian

n i c e

this is her kickin everyone's ass 

((Then she showed me this video))

i-

skinny legend

and they said infinity war was the most ambitious crossover... asian idols wearing brazilian carnival outfits as some dude sings that song from shrek 2? sign me tf up

LMAOO gee her voice still gives me chills rose step on me

alexa that's lewd, let us move on swiftly

sorry i just like her shes also a good dancer

i'm guessing she's gonna be my favourite

o

english speaking idols get bonus points, and she seems to excel at everything else, so...

yes, she is amazing. oh, she also cried over her fish's death

;-; oof

:( bless her anyway, you have any questions?

nop, she's gucci, let us proceed

right, the next one is jisoo

she's a qt ;; she looks like a dork i want to shake her hand and give her a hug

this is her smiling

i-

see thats the heart smile

is she the radiance? because my retinas are burned

SDFGFDSADFG MOOD

literally no one is gonna get that joke

wat if they do?

then they are people of culture

opinion?

uhh, she is the soft one, and.. she's short because why not, and she's 22 and she sings ;; 

o- i mean, she isnt really tall, but she isnt that short. yes, she is a singer, the oldest, 23 y/o and she is a goofball, a derp. very entertaining tbh

she looks adorable and has a cute name and is a goofy dork god bless

all of them are good at english but her. but she Tries- and is confused.  

o o f

tis a baby

she deserves all the hugs

she isnt the best dancer, but shes a Great singer, and very stable on stage

their hair alexa their hair is so fucking aesthetic

i KnoW

i am in pain, pack your dictionary we're moving to korea

fuck yeaH the next one is lisa

abs of JUSTICE

hot diggidy she's the sass queen, and she's uh..  23, and a rapper

oh, this is also her

she is also 21, and yes, a rapper!! a very swaggy one

jackpot

but shes a whole cutie, and the youngest

awh ;;

and she gets embarrassed easily

i see, so she's the tsundere of the group

she is from thailand, and i think shes fluent in four languages, including english

nice, man

she is also an Amazing dancer

n i c e ,  m a n

shes kinda my wife but theyre all my bias so i cannot decide it is Too Hard

i only have one bias  u-u

ofc u do

remember to only have one waifu alexa, too many waifu will ruin your laifu

a baby

they’re all cuties this is fucking illegal

it  i s do you have any question about baby lalisa over there :(

so far this is a very solid kpop band

o

lots of english speakers, cute dorks and pure babies everywhere

;-; yes

it has my seal of approval

n i c e the last member is jennie

o damn. jennie? j-just jennie?

just jennie. she doesn’t need anything else

is that an ACDC shirt

apparently

why do they all look so good and fashionable, and both glamorous and cute and pure at the same time, alexa the space-time continuum shouldn't allow this

pffft opinion?

hmm.. she's both a rapper and a singer, and uhh..  she's the second sassiest, but also a goof, and she's 23. I'LL STICK WITH MY 23 also damn nice thighs

she does have amazing thighs tbh.. WAIT HOW DO YOU KNOW SHES ALSO A RAPPER AND A SINGER

well usually in smaller kpop bands one of them does the support for both singing and rap..r-right?

,,,,,,,,,now that you say it

it finally happened folks, i taught alexa something about kpop

badass

THEY'RE ALL SO PURE, FUCC

THEY ARE, they have the badass girl crush concept, BUT THEYRE ALL FUCKIN CUTIES IRL also, take this

my poor heart

jennie is so smol ;; jennie is the smolest

i'm sorry, i was distracted by the thicc

mood tbh she is also fluent in english lmao

pack your shiT ALEXA WE'RE GOING TO KOREA

y ES theyre all really cute and entertaining, they dont go over the top, but theyre still pretty funny - as funny as a girl group can be anyway

pfft i find all of them entertaining tbh. show me some songs fam 

o, alrighty. this is a dance practice, it was the first thing that was released and everyone went nuts

((Then she showed me the dance practice video))

lisa is the one with shorts, jennie has the cap, rose is the one with braids and the last one is jenniejisoo

oof, a bit too edgy for my taste, sorry. but the routine is great!

well, they were kinda made to be badass

yeah, i figured

also, a little side note

o?

their company is one of the biggest companies out there, but theyre known for their shitty management, as in, they dont really give idols many comebacks or promotions, so they dont have many songs;; even tho they debuted two years ago

well, that kinda sucks

yep..

i imagine this business is pretty finicky behind the scenes. i guess it can’t be all sugar and glitter all the time

true..  anyway, this is is one of the two songs in their debut ep lol 

((Then she showed me “Whistle”))

also, may i add, their mvs are hella aesthetic

they seem to be..  not a fan of the super edgy american-ish songs though

yeh, their second ep was better. this is from the second ep

((Then she showed me “Playing With Fire”))

pyromaniac title, piano in the first second. this one's gon' be gud

yeah, this one was definitely better - well, not objectively, just imo 

yeah then theres this beautiful beautiful song 

((Then she showed me “Stay”))

that title gives me the hibby jibbies

y e p p

nvm i saw a mcdonalds in the background and now i'm chuckling

sdfdsdfg honestly the mv is So Pretty

ALEXA I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR SAD TIMES

shhh its a nice lil song just dont read the lyrics lmao

...i'm reading the lyrics now I THOUGHT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A BADASS GROUP WHAT IS THIS

the chorus is so nice tho, with the claps

it is..  well, that was mildly depressing

at the end they hold hands and laugh and jump around in a circle in the mv and its just..  i rlly like the mv and the filter is very pretty

a e s t h e t i c

anyway, back to badass

((Then she showed me “Ddu-du Ddu-du”...?))

this is their most recent release, this time with a mini album

and i see thanos’s throne is back

y eS

these sets look expensive as fucc.. is that a fennec fox?

maybe..

and the evil parrot from rio? what is this, a crossover episode?

THE MOST AMBITIOUS CROSSOVER

first we had the shrek 2 song, now this they gon' hit me with dat turu turu du alexa halp meh  

i k r wat u gon do

is that.. a sparkly tank?

y ES jennie is an icon

i feel like i've ascended

tbh all these things were so unnecessary yet they did it anyway

well i certainly don’t regret it

that breakdown at the end is kinda cheap, but i think the diamond tank made up for it

definitely

sdfvbvGJHGthere are two mvs left

oh, just.. just two?

y es

i feel bad for them ;; did u say it's been two years

yeah..

this is so r00d

yes, always feel bad for yg artists

what’s yg?

its a company - their company

ah, i see

their shitty company

oof

here's their debut song (which i dont really like but Oh Well.)

((Then she showed me “Boombaya”..? who the hell comes up with these names?))

well, in all fairness if they're one of the biggest they probably have a lot of bands to manage

not really..  they had very successful bands though, so that kinda paved the way for the ones nowadays

ALEXA THESE FUCKING LYRICS ARE KILLING ME

ASDFGBFVDS MOOD CLICK CLACK BADDABING BADDABOOM QUEEN

"i'm so hot i need a fan i don't want a boy i need a man" BISH YOU'RE A 5 FOOT 20-SOMETHING ASIAN IDOL CHILL

hjkjhghj shhHHH

this is a whole drugtrip

it iS

are those..  black leather biker pants...  mixed with blue jeans? this is some next level shit alexa i can't handle this

y ES fashion icon

why do coke when you can watch this for free and legally?

ikr theres one last mv, and its better, trust me

..alright...

theyre cute in this one

((Then she showed me “As If It’s Your Last”))

jisoo is the one with the heart magnet and i love her

awh ;; man these titles are edgier than 13 year old me

oh come on, its a love song

that dancing, it's s-so lewd  <-<;;

it iS oh, i forgot lisa's rap is in english

n o i c e i didn't know jennie had her own ice cream business

girl is going places okay but 1:36

what about it?

th-the cotton candy part

pfff

sorry i remember the first time and saw it and was like fukc thas cute

well, it was. it was pure ;;

alright, final thoughts?

well, they're a bunch of cute and talented dorks, but that ain't nothing new. either way, 10/10 for the lewd dancing and the fact that they speak english. give dem more comebacks, fam

they have lewder choreos, but thats for another day. justice4blackpinkcomeback edition

yeS, let’s make a petition

Heya peeps, it’s a boii mod Alex here. This was the first time I put together a Reaction Wednesday post, so uh.. yeah...  I think it turned out pretty good! But seriously, a lot of work goes into these, even though it may not seem like it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! See you next week!

[koalaaquabear]

My Long, Mature, Spoiler-Filled, Annoying, Critical, Analytical, Angry 2am Review of MS:WAF... PART 1

Sidenote: I had watched this beforehand, but I watched again to take some notes. Also I got very angry during this, but I actually loved the episode!

-Aww Jess' giggle -OOOOO new blujay studios thingy! -Sidenote: Irene literally plays like ZERO PART IN THIS EPISODE but is somehow in opening scene and is the FUCKING THUMBNAIL bitch you ain't special. -This was the concept art that Jason tweeted! I pay attention, honey. -Change course dumbass! -Agent R you idiot! "They won't shoot yet" Of course they're going to shoot, get into the fucking cabin! Why are you even on the deck? Nobody is manning this boat's controls! -WHAT DID I JUST SAY? THEY. ARE. GOING. TO. SHOOT. -How the hell are they missing every single shot, the fuck? They're like freaking Stormtroopers. -Ah yes, move towards the bullets. -Is Michael Bay on the Blujay team? -Wait, what about the other guy? Is there a crew that you just left behind to drown/burn to a crisp? What the hell is happening? -Okay it is literally impossible that he hasn't been shot, his boat was crossing DIRECTLY THROUGH BULLETS. -Ah yes, boat mechanics. That's how it works. Abso-looney. -YEET -Well, there goes the animation budget. I'm gonna go watch MSS4 Ein vs Aaron fight scene to redeem this. -Also, he was lying on the ground for long enough to get aim and fire. Who the hell did they hire for the Guardian Forces and why are they terrible at their jobs? Almost as terrible as Zack is at being a father oooooo too soon? No, fuck you Zack it's never too soon. Sorry I got emotional, continue. -AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA HIS EARS ARE THE SAME COLOUR AS HIS HAIR AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA also shit he's a werewolf. -He says 'for me?' like really flattered like "Oooo they didn't forget me and my very important suitcase!" -Wait did he say go? It sounded like no..? I'm gonna assume it was go. -AHHHH HE hAS A LITTLE CURLY TAIIIIIL! -Oh shit, this place got ransacked. -Agent R literally just said ransacked :O I read minds. -GF... GF... huh. Ok. I'll play your games, Jess, but just know that I don't like it. -OKAY so the Guardian Forces came in, the gang had to "Fight for our lives to get out", and Garroth has not a scratch on him, and nobody seems to be dead. How plausible is this? Not. Not at all. But, I said I'll play your games Jess... continue... -Actually scratch that the Guardian Forces are terrible at their jobs so the fact that he isn't injured is absolutely plausible. -Evacuated inland? Who's genius idea was that? Probably Derek's. Coward. -The only reason they can't see you, Garroth, is because they literally have their eyes covered by annoying and unnecessary helmets that no army force should be wearing. -Werewolf strength+potion strength=Garroth can singlehandedly kill most of these guys. -Don't worry about the guns, guys, they have no fucking idea how to use them. -Rookie? I mean sure the guy can't even USE A GUN but y'all didn't know that. He could've been quieter, but he was JUST turned into a werewolf and probs can't control his strength. Idk I'm spiraling. -"Kid" because he isn't Guy Fieri. -Landing like that directly on your legs, without being like a trained gymnast, will most likely injure you to the point where you can't run like you are right now. But hey, that's none of my business. -None of the force decided to stay outside to guard it so they couldn't escape? They keep proving my point of being dumbasses. -Ah, a peaceful panoramic to disguise what just happened. -Those things on the poles look like Travis' shirt hahahahahha. -Is that Aphmau? Ah, the camera is now following her, and she is wearing purple. t is Aphmau. -How did they get that photo? -Ooo everyone's trapped! -Searching the island, but still can't recognize this black haired, amber eyed girl with a purple choker on, the same girl in the photo with their main suspect... These fucking imbeciles. -HOW DID THEY GET ALL OF THOSE PHOTOS!? "Acquired photos" That just so happen to be the most SPECIFIC photos. Like if it was passport photos or drivers liscense or social media, like that I could get, but these are literally impossible, especially the close up of Derek. If they were secretly taking photos, they wouldn't be able to get one from that close up. Funny how this random thing makes me upset. -Why are they both southern? Well, why not I guess. -Mysterious alley? Must be getting money for her drug dealer, -Skip Ad. -Why does it say "thanks for watching" before even the halfway mark? I'm somewhat confused by that for some reason. -Not drugs, secret apartment, okie dokes I like this better. -Of course Zane is being a whiny bitch. -"Safety" is a very flexible word, which is all that you need to know about this conversation. Also that this is apparently now The Maze Runner? I don't know either. -The Guardian F? Just call it the G-Force, like that movie with the guinea pigs and that blind mole who are secret agents. That would make for a much funnier video lol. -That was much longer than it needed to be. That convo did not need to be on screen either, but whatever, it was a really cute friendship moment. -DOES HE HAVE A CHAIN ON HIS JEAnS!? -What is that? -Thou may not have lighting. Well, nevermind, turns out they do have lighting. -How does no one know they're here? -That's the worst map ever. -AWWWW LUCINDA'S OUTFIT! -Oh they haven't looked here yet? You're telling me that there is a huge search out for the Lycan family, and they havene't even MADE IT TO THIS AREA YET? -Okay you won me back with Aaron's smile. -Why are they moving systematically? How small is this task force? How big is starlight? I need numbers people! -So they have a fleet around the island, but no more people to storm the island and actually find the people? Get more people then, call in a SWAT team? Is the Guardian Force even a government approved task force? If they aren't, why are they allowed to shut down a HUGE resort? If they are, how come they don't have A) People who can shoot. And B) Enough people to actually search properly for the people they're looking for? So many unanswered questions! -No Aaron. -No! Say no Derek! -THANK YOU! There are so many holes in this plan! -ALrighty Lycans, you need to step back because NEITHER OF THOSE WILL WORK! Moving inland will corner you, Derek, but transporting your entire group will get you caught, Aaron. What you need to do is figure out their patterns. Move systematically, somewhat like they are, and not in one place for too long? You are stuck in the perfect storm, and none of these options will work, but if you think you can just move inland, away from the GF, you are dumb, but you also can't move all together. -New idea, get guns and shoot at them, because no matter what, they can't shoot back. Because they suck. A lot. I'm still salty. -The thing about being fugitives, Aaron, is that YOU HAVE TO RELOCATE EVERY TIME THEY GET CLOSER! -No it is not. -How about you plan ahead Derek? Why are the women not speaking up, Lucinda probably knows her shit. -DEREK YOU ASSHOLE LISTEN TO AT LEAST A BIT OF WHAT YOUR SON IS SAYING~! -They were both wrong, but I probably would have to agree with Aaron? He's right, move too far inland and you'll run out of places to hide. -Finally a casual Kawaii~Chan. -Nobody knows it's you, Aphmau, or you woulda been taken in. -Dammit Garte. -IT DOES GARTE, YOU WERE PART OF THE MICHAEL THING! -YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT NOW, SO SHUT THE HELL UP! -STOP YELLING AT YOUR WIFE, SHE IS RIGHT! -You cannot be a pessimist right now, Garte, it is not the time. Be there for your son instead of bitching about it. -Well, I guess Garte has 0 loyalty for anyone but his family. -You are interrupting, but thank Irene I was about to slap him. -How much money do they have on them? -STOP BITCHING ABOUT EVERYTHING GARTE! -He's so selfish, what the hell! -Green does not accentuate blue, Zianna. -Flirting gets him to shut up! Hazah! -OH MY GOD I SWEAR I OWN THAT OUTFIT! -Oh shit, that is bloody. How come she is injured, but Garroth and most of the others aren't? -Melissa modesty is not needed rn. -Skip Ad. Also JAX! -Is Zane's hair different? -Everyone always forgets that Garroth isn't the only Ro'Meave. -And then the acid kicked in. -Zane Ro'Meave triggered something. -Aww cuties! -That is not sugar, it is 100% cocaine. -Aww that's sweet. -It's called boosting morale, bitches. -"Eh" Does not mean it didn't go too well, it means that the Lycans are dumbasses. -Yeah, and failing miserably. -No gunshot wounds? Who the hell are these people? -"Hun" aww that's cute. -Garroth=best character -ROWANADNSANSNAJD -What is in the case? -The boat defied laws of physics. -That was a cute reunion, now let's ruin it. -Tons of techies, absolutely TERRIBLE strategy. -No they haven't, and even if they did, nothing would happen because MICHAEL YOUR TASK FORCE SUCKS! -Ok ok I get it, so they don't have full access right? Which means that they do not have a warrant. Which means that they aren't legal. Which means that they DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO GOOSE CHASE THROUGH ONE OF THE LARGEST THEME PARKS EVER... right? -Michael actually doesn't care, apparently, about catching the guy who betrayed him, or about the Ultima case. He just holds thousands of people hostage on some islands for fun! -He is right! Don't take this Toby, fite him! -Fucking Cyborg walks in, just casually, just as you do. -Michael, that's not how time works. -What are they doing? What? Huh? -AND END EPISODE. Wow okay.

[yaminerua]

Y’all I am seriously not having a good time rn

And like yeah literally no-one is because this year is a fucking disaster but god..... I feel like I’m getting backed onto the edge of a cliff by stress...

I’m sorry I’ve been slow with commissions and barely got any new art done but man I just don’t have the emotional or physical energy to...

This year has been one year after another of stressful or upsetting things even just in my personal life alone and that’s not even INCLUDING the state of the world and everything else going on...

Like god my papa died this year and I knew he was going to eventually because cancer is a fucking Bitch but it happened faster than anyone thought only a few days before the UK’s lockdown was finally put in place. So I couldn’t go to the funeral. But my aunt had said even before we knew we wouldn’t be allowed that if my brother and I showed up there’d be a war. Because of all the Stupid Family Nonsense that has just been swirling and bubbling and frothing over the years. My gran is torn between wanting me to visit cos I’d be good company and hating my guts because of all the Shit that’s happened.

I dunno how to abridge it... it’s mostly them rewriting history or just straight up misinterpreting the ways or reasons things happened and pinning it all on my dad, his family, and my and my brother instead of the actual people who fucked everything up, those being the crooked lawyers who fucked us over 20 years ago, my mum after her meltdown changed her into a horrible person and her family who tried to gaslight, kidnap, blackmail and manipulate us all the fuckin way.

We were terrified of them because they tried to kidnap us and keep us from dad, tried to lie to us and change the way events unfolded by telling us completely false versions of events despite the fact we were present for most of them and they absolutely did not play out the way they wanted us to believe. Tried to brainwash us against my dad and his family and then turned around and tried to say that him and his family were trying to brainwash us against THEM.

So much distress and upset happened whenever we visited and other things happened that were just plain terrifying fear-for-our-lives shit that we just. Didn’t feel safe going over anymore. But they refuse to accept that. And think we just cut them off and abandoned them (which is rich since actually the cutting off happened from their end first but, again, they loooove to rewrite history).

So all of that mess is being continuously dug up to guilt trip us and make us feel bad because our cousins hate us, my aunt Despises us, and my gran wobbles in between of wanting to see us and also despising us too.

I made an effort to rebuild the bridges that had been burnt because I wanted my papa to know I didn’t hate him and that I wanted him to see me again and know that an effort was being made to patch things up because I knew that was what he wanted. And he never deserved to have been cut off from us. It was the women in the family who were being the assholes and he was just for the most part caught up in it.

He was so happy to see me and happy to think the family was beginning to come together again. Unfortunately his daughter and her sons do not respect his wishes. And my mum flip flops because she’s still affected by what happened to her more than 15 years ago. Her head got so messed up by all the legal stress and the brainwashing from her mum and sister that she just. Doesn’t remember what was real or what was false anymore. But also won’t ever listen to our side because it’s Wrong By Default.

So we ‘abandoned’ her in her eyes and she will Always try to Remind us. of that and all the other bullshit she wants us to believe.

My phone anxiety is directly related to her and Now I have to talk to her everyday because my papa’s death unfortunately opened up the communications that I’d forced closed for years to protect my own mental health.

But this year has just been ‘fuck your mental health’ so. naturally that wish gets kicked out the window and the phone can’t be refused anymore.

Sometimes the calls are ok. She talks about herself for 2 hours and then that’s it. other times it becomes a rant, an attempt to convince, an attempt to deliberately make me feel awful and Oh Boy is she Good At That. And I can’t hang up on her because that pisses her off More and then she’ll write a horrible email to my brother where she tries to pull the same shit on him and I refuse to have him have to deal with that because for SOME FUCKIN REASON she only pulls this shit on the phone with me and NEVER DOES THIS TO HIM.

God. Why.

Anyway that’s just one thing that’s persistent and continuous. And I make myself sadder about it watching old home videos we found from 20 years ago. One of them I’d never seen was the literal day I was born and it.... it shook me so much I broke down watching it. It’s like watching good days, innocent days when all seemed well, knowing the future and how wretched and awful and deeply traumatising the years ahead are for that little kid who has no idea what’s awaiting them.

Cue lockdown and my dad and brother and I are looking after my granny. She had a stroke 2 years ago, hit her head on a cabinet and had constant UTIs for months and then had another stroke last year and as a result her mind is foggier than it used to be and her mobility isn’t what it was so she requires a lot of constant watch and care.

None of this is her fault, but I’m just not built for the long-run in a carer position. The first year put me into a meltdown, and I had another worse one last year and I was dreading if there would be one this year because I’d felt so on-edge and burnt out.

And then lockdown happened and the chances to get away for a bit of respite to recharge my batteries went out the window. Dad had no help to balance his work calls which sometimes went on all day, and granny. Other than me, but for reasons I have yet to finally have an answer for, my body has just been having problem after problem that leaves me drained and/or in pain and less able to do the physical help I was doing before. Doing the cooking and washing up to take it off dad, and getting up to keep an eye on granny or help her with personal care like I used to.

I’ve had this goddamn pain that doctors haven’t been able to find a diagnosis for since April now and it’s just become more and more limiting and I’m on a waiting list to get referred and god only knows when that will actually end up happening.

Doctors suggested it might have been stress that brought it on and the response to that is usually to reduce stressors but like. My life is the stressor so idk how to fix that. I can’t get away because guilt and stress over dad having to handle it all would follow me anywhere I went anyway even if i COULD go somewhere else for a break.

My uncles aren’t very helpful either. One makes excuses not to come and help and the other WILL go on a throwing out spree if he was to come in and I cannot trust him to not throw out important sentimental stuff without a second thought as to whether it was wanted because he’s done that before.

Plus that one has had his own health scares and even had a bit of a mental health crisis in the middle of the year which was probably brought on by the isolation and distancing stuff lockdown brought about.

One major contributor to the daily stress was the nagging worry that there was gonna be a Major Event this year that hadn’t happened yet. There’ve been major events that put granny is hospital without fail every year for the past... 4 but maybe even 5 years. It felt inevitable. But also terrifying because hospital felt like the worst place for her to go this year with all the virus stuff happening...

We had carers coming in to help with her but they weren’t really that... great. Wore their masks under their noses, didn’t self isolate when they got sick before they could get tests and lo and behold, despite the fact I hadn’t been out anywhere and the only contact I had beyond my own family were the carers, I got a cold which thankfully really was Just a Cold.

Not wanting to risk granny even getting a cold I stuck to my room and only came out to use the toilet or grab food/drink and all times I left my room I wore a mask and used sanitiser before I even left the room so I wouldn’t put anything on any surfaces. I was careful.

But either I wasn’t careful enough, or whoever gave ME the cold passed it to dad as well. Because then he got sick. And he didn’t have the option to distance himself from granny. Because I was still sick too and my brother Doesn’t do the personal care. So he wore a mask and tried to look after her while coughing and sneezing his guts out.

We thought we were gonna be ok. But then it happened. She got the cold anyway. We think it was a different carer who gave her it because this one was Really Hacking Up A Lung with her. Mask on still but, idk, the hands on care means you’re up real close and even a mask doesn’t stop everything. Plus this woman would pull her mask down to speak sometimes it was....?????

So granny got a cough and cold and we prayed it wasn’t covid and thankfully it doesn’t seem to have been. She’d had a cold in february so we thought ok if we just keep looking after her and help her fight it off we’ll be ok.

September 11th, one day before her birthday, at half 7 in the morning dad woke me up yelling for me to grab the phone so he could call an ambulance.

She was slumped against him in the top floor landing, face drooping, unresponsive and making deep loud groans that sounded honestly like a cow’s moo. It was an awful sound.

It then progressed to a weird rattly, wet breath. Like you’re trying to suck the last water out through a straw in a cup with just ice in it. Like a rattly snore but from the throat and not the nose.

Ambulance came and they said her blood pressure was high and still rising. She was absolutely unresponsive and cold and clammy to touch. The only response they could get was pinching her ear and she let out a loud pained groan.

They took her away and it was later just assumed to be a chest infection so she was put on antibiotics.

I think just. The accumulated stress of everything else just. Hit me like a train. It’s horrible to be relieved to get a break because someone’s gone into hospital because it felt like there was no other way you were going to get a break. But I felt so burnt out it happened anyway and I feel awful for it. my body was in so much pain and my head and everything was just exhausted from stress and exhaustion in general.

She wasn’t in very long though and I think before we knew it was a chest infection related collapse we’d all assumed it was a third stroke and thought she was going to be in for as long as she had the last few times to rehabilitate.

I honestly hate what ended up happening next.

The stress of it all just blew up and I had several days of frequent uncontrollable panic attack-type meltdowns.

I just. I lost complete control of myself. Slamming my head against the wall and floor and counters, scratching my arms, pulling my hair out and just.... screaming so loudly my throat was so so raw. This happened every day. I got into a negatively spiralling process of overthinking and overworrying and just melted down into a fit of stress

The third day of this, dad called the ambulance on me,which made me feel so so so much worse for wasting their time on something I wish I’d had enough mental control of myself to just. stop from happening....

they sat with me for nearly 2 hours and once I was able to even speak relatively coherently at all I just cried about everything from childhood trauma to everything else that’s all combined to fuck me up.

The lady called the mental health folks because she felt I definitely needed to see someone for some support and put me on with one of the women on the phone but that woman was so incredibly unhelpful and passive aggressive even the ambulance lady was shocked and apologised for that person’s behaviour but god it has just absolutely wrecked my faith in being able to get any help for all of this mess.....

I honestly feel.... terrified of myself.... Because I’ve had meltdowns before but I’ve never had one so bad I lost control of myself. Like I could have legitimately harmed myself in that mess. I even wanted to. It was the closest I’ve come in a long time of actually being like wow I could Actually Follow Through with Killing Myself and it terrified me because fuck at least that time years ago when I was planning on doing it I was more in control of the action and was able to stop....

Now I’m not even sure if I got in that state again I would be able to stop myself. And that’s terrifying....

To make things worse, that third day when the ambulance people were talking me down out of my whole mess, granny had been brought home and they ended up taking her back to the hospital because it was deemed not safe to let her in while I was upstairs screaming on the floor.

So :)))))) the police called. Because not allowing granny into her legal home was an issue and I was the cause :)))))))  Even tho I didn’t actually ban her with my words, I just wasn’t in a good mental state at the time and I tried so hard to calm down once i knew she was out there waiting but I was so stressed about what was going to happen I couldn’t get it together fast enough and then had to worry if I was going to be in huge trouble over it. So THAT’s wonderful.

Anyway. She came home the next day with a very very sore side and we weren’t sure if her ribs were sore from coughing or if she’d bashed herself in an unreported fall in hospital or what.

But the next day I was helping her take off the bra her carer that morning had put on her despite knowing her side pain and then she was sick and I was freaking out because granny and sick never go well so I was super worried...

Thankfully it wasn’t long lasting but the pain she had continued to be excruciating and a doctor came later on and said her liver area was very tender so she ought to go get it checked.

So we took her to hospital by car because we were told the ambulance wait would be longer.

But because the virus is increasing in the country again the restrictions are up. So while I had to come to help get granny in and out of the car, I wasn’t allowed to go with her and dad inside. And dad had the damn car keys and it was dark, late, cold as fuck and windy.

I was outside shivering my ass off with nowhere to wait for nearly 2 hours. They wouldn’t even let me in at first when I was about to piss myself.

After that first 2 hours dad briefly came out to tell me it was looking like it was gonna be a while longer so I just asked him for money for a taxi because at this point it was already after midnight.

I got like no sleep that night cos I was worrying about dad’s chronic sleep deprivation. He didn’t get home until 6am.

Anyways she’s been in and had scans but they can’t find anything and have just given her painkillers and mysteriously they say the side pain is gone. Whether thats just from painkillers or if it’s actually gone without discovering what caused it idk. But not knowing stresses me out like I’d have rather there was something to treat instead of it mysteriously being very painful and making her sick and then disappearing. Like what if it comes back?

hhhh anyway she’s supposed to come home tomorrow and again I still don’t feel like I’ve shaken off the burn out and my pain is still there too  so physically I’m still a mess and I feel so bad about my lack of productivity especially on commissions I still need to do...

I don’t even think I can take much more stuff happening this year like. I’m legit not sure I’m gonna make it to the end of the year rn folks...

[florafraser-blog]

OOC WEEK: country of origin

What country are you from?

i’m from the united states! i was born in central massachusetts, and i lived there for the first eighteen years of my life before i moved to los angeles for school. i definitely can’t say that i have a good grasp on typical bostonian culture tho because i lived in the suburbs (but i do fuckin know it’s more than casey goddamn affleck throwing dunkins cups at people’s cars), and i haven’t been in california long enough to really feel “west coast” or “LA” so we’ll see how this goes!!!!!!!

What is your first language? Do you speak any other languages?

english! it’s the only language i speak, but i learned latin in high school.

What language would you like to learn?

i honestly hate learning languages. i will say that it’s probably my least favorite thing because i’m impatient and require instant gratification, and learning a language is such a process of discipline that i don’t have. but, barring that, i’d really want to learn hindi because i never learned it as a kid or german because i loved the linguistic similarities between english and latin, and i feel like i’d also enjoy german from a linguistic standpoint.

What’s one movie from your country that you like (or recommend others see)?

ok, so i’m gonna pick a movie Set in Massachusetts to narrow this down a little bit, but the social network??? is such a good depiction of college life in boston??? and spotlight is also great because my mom remembered reading that story in the wall street journal when it broke, and i recognized so many locations in the film, and it just felt....Good.

but also ok even though i didn’t finish nightcrawler (i cannot handle jake gyllenhaal with his eyes buggin out for more than like twenty minutes at a time), it felt like??? a really accurate depiction of LA. obvs la la land is getting a lot of buzz for being such a distinct depiction of LA, but i still feel like nightcrawler got across a better image of it for me.

EXCEPT FOR THE MOMENT WHEN BILL PAXTON’S CHARACTER STIRS A DUNKIN DONUTS CUP OF COFFEE BECAUSE IN WHAT WORLD DOES SOMEONE FROM LA HAVE DUNKINS COFFEE. it’s coffee bean or starbucks or mAybe peet’s if ur lucky, but nEVER DUNKins because there are like 2 of them here bye my rant is done.

Pick a song from your country (or in your language) and talk about why you like it.

i literally was just about to start ranting about the 1975, and then i was like wait tara they’re bRITISH why is all of my music just british boy bands/man bands/girl bands......but!!! i feel like “7/11″ by beyonce is an American Classic, and i couldn’t explain to u why.

Pick a classic song from your country - aka one that everyone knows, one that’s representative of your country, etc.

ok if u play “party in the USA” by miley cyrus at ANY party, EVERYONE will start singing. u can hate the song, u can hate miley, u can not even know the lyrics, but EVERYONE will start singing regardless. it could just be because drunk ppl will follow any trend placed in front of them, but.....in my Professional Opinion, “party in the USA” could be considered a National Anthem of sorts.

What’s a book from your country (or in your language) that you’d recommend?

i really enjoyed “the crucible” even more so because it was set in massachusetts!!! obvs it’s not reflective of Now, but i still really fuckin love it.

What’s your favourite childhood story from your country or culture?

this isn’t a childhood story, but it is definitely my favorite story about my hometown, and it like?? contextualizes where the fuck i grew up. so, there’s a decent sized lake in one of the more residential neighborhoods in town, and in that lake, there’s an island. this old man buys the island. we’re all like ok that’s a little excessive because you can walk around the island in like 20 minutes or less. but then? this old man decides he’s going to name the island. and he REALLY likes busta rhymes, right? so what does he do? he names the island “busta rhymes island”. he doesn’t just stop there. he goes through all of the LEGAL CHANNELS TO OFFICIALLY NAME THIS ISLAND. and now, if you google busta rhymes island, you will see that it officially comes up on google maps in shrewsbury, massachusetts. and that is the town i grew up in.

Talk about a tradition from your country or culture that you love celebrating.

i always hated doing like?? indian things as a kid, idk that’s another issue to unpack on a later date, but i really did enjoy diwali because i had a giant sweet tooth even as a lil kid, and my mom would make me gulab jamuns, and that was the closest i came to actually celebrating anything remotely related to my culture rip rip.

Fave food from your country/culture:

i will always love a good lobster roll and some good ol’ new england clam chowder. but also, i really??? love??? chicken tikka masala.

Best season of the year in your country?

fall and winter in massachusetts are unparalleled to anything i could ever experience in LA ok. the leaves? the snow? the cold? the aesthetic? sign me the fuck up.

What’s one thing that you wish you could change about your country? Why?

let’s go back like 3 months and not elect trump k thnx. that or california should secede from the union.

What’s one thing that you’re proud of about your country?

ok real fuckin proud that massachusetts was the first state to legalize gay marriage in the country!!!!! and that the birth control pill was invented in my home town :’)

Name a country you’d like to visit.

ICELAND. take me to goddamn iceland.

Top three cities you’d like to visit:

sydney, reykjavik, portland.

What’s the best place in your country that you’ve ever visited?

i love san francisco?? i also love phoenix, new york city, and philadelphia.

Have you ever been abroad (out of your country)? If so, where did you go?

i’ve been to italy and greece, england, france, and iceland for like two seconds (hence why i want to go BACK)!

also canada, but i feel like that counts Less.

What are some myths or stereotypes about your country or culture that are either true or are false?

east coast drivers fear no god and give no fucks on the road? True.

people from massachusetts are assholes? True.

everyone is obsessed with dunkin donuts? True.

‘worcester’ is pronounced like worcestershire sauce? FALSE.

massachusetts is liberal heaven? True – to an extent. like, yes, it’s a mostly democratic state, and things are good in comparison to a lot of other places in the country, but that doesn’t change the fact that i’ve seen more trump stickers in massachusetts than i have in los angeles. MA is liberal, but i still think california takes the cake.

massachusetts has legal weed? NOT UNTIL 2018 >:(