#but like. i know these things. i researched them. im still researching them

[tchaikovskym]

are you tired most of the time? is it hard to wake up in the mornings? is it hard to fall asleep at night? do you crave sweets and fats? are you getting depressed and anxious? is life stressful?

well, let me tell you about my scientific obsession of a few years: cortisol, which i assume, could be in the center of it all

cortisol is just your casual stress hormone, hanging around

but it has a wonderful daily pattern

as you can see this guy goes from 1 to 400 during the night to peak at 8am (in this graph), but in reality peaks like 30 minutes after you wake up, depending on your sleeping pattern. it does not follow the clock everyone is supposed to follow, it follows YOU, it follows your internal clock.

so, let's put the first thing together - cortisol is a stress hormone, and the peak in the morning is supposed to wake you up. stress in this case is NOT a bad stress, but rather something to make your body flowing and being ready to face the day.

so, what happens when you do not sleep?

Source: Klumpers, U. M., Veltman, D. J., van Tol, M. J., Kloet, R. W., Boellaard, R., Lammertsma, A. A., & Hoogendijk, W. J. (2015). Neurophysiological effects of sleep deprivation in healthy adults, a pilot study. PloS one, 10(1), e0116906.

Image annotation from the source: Individual saliva cortisol curves (grey line) and cortisol mean value (nmol/L) per Tx sampling point (solid line). Day 1 shows baseline cortisol sampling at T1-T7, day 2 shows effects of one night of total sleep deprivation on cortisol levels at T8-T14. T1, 2 and 3 comprise the cortisol awakening response (CAR). T8, 9 and 10 are sampled at identical time points the following day. T5 and T12 are sampled at 14.00hr, T6 and T13 at 17.00hr and T7 and T14 at 23.00hr. p values show effects of TSD, # p = 0.016.

The pic above shows the same cortisol levels in day 1 (control) and day 2 (after not sleeping one night).

As you can see, there is no peak. It's just a flat line. This means, no sleep gives you no awakening response, and it also applies to less sleep. The less you sleep, the lesser the awakening the response, the more tired you may feel during the day.

And you might say "oh but it feels the same when i sleep 10 hours or 4 hours so what's the difference". That's because you've luckily got to wake up in a point where your sleep phase is the lighter. How do you feel thorough the whole day? And if it is still the same, regardless of sleeping hours, for how long have you been not sleeping enough? There is such a thing as sleep debt, and if you're in it, you won't feel any better until you get that debt off.

The no morning peak happens because cortisol is produced during REM sleep (rapid eye movement sleep or the phase known for dreaming, although you can dream in other phases too). REM sleep also has this thing, where the phase gets longer and longer the more you sleep. So if you sleep less, the REM phase total length is going to be less, so less cortisol for the morning peak. This is why bad sleep quality (like waking up every once and then and not being able to sleep for long uninterrupted periods of time) also can do the same thing. Sleep duration is one of the main players, but it's not the only one.

Anyway, back to the point. Less sleep, harder to wake up, logical, right, you didn't need a cortisol graph for that.

However, notice how in day 1 the 6 and 7 time points is pretty much a straight line, like cortisol just reached the minimal level at the 6th time point. If you look at day 2, at time points 13 and 14, the slope is bigger, right?

You might think that's ridiculous, there is such a tiny slope difference between last two points in day 1 and day 2, that it shouldn't matter

BUT IT DOES!

Cortisol production, like many other things in our body work by negative feedback mechanism. Which means, when there is a lot of it, the brains get the "guys there is a lot of cortisol we should stop". But with sleep deprivation, there is not a lot of cortisol, and the brains don't get that signal, therefore, in the evening, the levels are a bit higher than they should be.

And what does having a bit higher levels of stress hormone, the be awake and alert hormone means in the evening? Guess what? You won't be able to fall asleep so easily!

So, the first vicious cycle involving cortisol regarding the information above: the less you sleep, the less you will be able to sleep.

But that leads to another thing: stress! Cortisol, the stress hormone, obviously, leads to stress. And the more you stress, the more cortisol, the higher the evening levels of cortisol. Which messes up your sleep cycle even more.

So voila, the first vicious cycle, visualized:

but it's not the end of it! oh boy it is not!

what comes with stress? eating problems!

how elevated cortisol in the evening plays a role in this? well, cortisol belongs to the glucocorticoid group. gluco sounds familiar, right, something to do with glucose right?

it makes more glucose available to the brain (which explains why it starts it peak during sleeping hours - while asleep we do not eat, but our brains are doing their thing, and thus cortisol skyrockets).

not only in the brain, but mostly everywhere, cortisol increases the glucose availability for tissues.

so cortisol makes the sugar be in your blood, but how else, besides the metabolism, can it make you get the sugar? by eating sweets of course! so you crave sugary foods!

you know what also promotes glucose in the blood? NOT insulin! so what cortisol does? blocks the thing. you know what insulin resistance and elevated glucose can do to a guy? make the guy diabetic!

also remember you are stressed, sleepy, crave sweets in elevated cortisol event, so you are less likely to have motivation for anything, including sports, so you are less likely to move, and more likely to gain some weight. and oh, how that makes it even more stressful, so voila, you add fuel to the vicious cycle

visualization here:

of course, there are other things involved, and the grand conclusion could be this:

Source: Hirotsu, C., Tufik, S., & Andersen, M. L. (2015). Interactions between sleep, stress, and metabolism: From physiological to pathological conditions. Sleep Science, 8(3), 143-152.

what can you do to get out of the cycle?

idk honestly. i'd suggest eating breakfast, because cortisol also spikes after meals (idk exactly why) and it can boost your morning cortisol levels to make the slope more pronounced (thus making the evening levels lower)

but most importantly - move. do something physical. there are mechanisms involved, trust me, i just don't want to write another post about them, but it actually helps. it doesn't mean you have to go to the gym and join a sports team, it could mean just taking long walks, maybe search some beginner yoga or whatever. just move around.

here is a pic of individual factors that play a role in this:

and while you can't really change your genetics, disorders, mental distress and most medication use, you can work on unhealthy lifestyle and intoxications

Source of the pic: Van der Valk, E. S., Savas, M., & van Rossum, E. F. (2018). Stress and obesity: are there more susceptible individuals?. Current obesity reports, 7, 193-203.

Image annotation from the source: Conceptual model of the interplay between the stress system and obesity. Various individual characteristics are proposed to play a role in initiating a vicious circle of increased activation of the stress system (both by perceived chronic stress as well as increased net glucocorticoid effect by either endogenous or exogenous GCs) and obesity in a bidirectional manner. Abbreviations: GC, glucocorticoid; SNP, single nucleotide polymorphism; OSA, obstructive sleep apnea

if you read this all i am open to marriage proposals, thank you

[orcelito]

Like OK so I've been reading a fic with trans wolfwood in it that is so. HONEST. About how it affected him and still affects him. In a way that's very much not an average cis writer portrayal of a trans character.

Like. Either this writer is trans or did plenty of research, but it just feels REAL to me. And it has me thinking about my own way of writing trans Wolfwood.

I'm not there yet. But I've been thinking about it. The ways that what the EOM did fucked him up... but it also acted as HRT that affirmed his gender. So what do you do when you're in a body you don't recognize, but looks much more like a man than ever before? There's some gender euphoria in a way, but dysphoria at the same time bc you didn't grow into this. You didn't watch yourself transition. Suddenly you just Were this, and it's not you, but also it's nice to finally be seen as a man, but it also feels wrong to feel grateful for any part of what they did to you...

On and on and on

You see? This is what I want to think about with him. This is why trans Wolfwood is so compelling to me. It's just so Complicated, he'd have such Complicated feelings about his body and the way he lives with it. He learns this new body, it starts to feel more like his, but he also mourns the fact that he didn't get to watch it grow into this like he should've.

That kind of thing.

[good-beanswrites]

Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store. 

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore. 

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath. 

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her. 

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death. 

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno. 

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying. 

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well? 

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe. 

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

[strangerhands]

if any of you ever notice me liking, un-liking, and re-liking your posts, (sometimes multiple times a day. sometimes multiple days apart.) please (try to) ignore me. i am sorry. i am insane. thank you. have a good day

[milkweedman]

Resisting the urge to carve myself a distaff from one of the evergreen boughs ive dragged home and learn medieval in-hand distaff spinning. Do i need to do any of this ? No. Am i happy with supported spinning ? Yes ! Am i probably gonna do it anyway ? ... also yes

[caffeinatedopossum]

I don't understand why it's generally not socially acceptable to recognize your good qualities. Like I don't understand why it's bad to be a show-off or a know-it-all or to brag. Like I think most people know "those things = bad" but not why.

It also seems like people are always either waaaaay into one end of the scale where they are just so unbearably full of themselves and have preposterously high self esteem (and most people act like this is fine too? Like a lot of celebrities and white men specifically seem to be like this) and I don't understand why so many people respect them then. Or they're the complete opposite with self esteem way too low despite the fact that they have redeeming qualities.

I feel like maybe the reason it's considered bad to brag is because you might 'make' other people feel inadequate but see that seems like a stupid reason to me because the problem then is not that you stated an opinion of your own self worth but is actually that everyone else is conditioned to compare themselves to each other in a very unhealthy way. And I think instead of discouraging people from opening up about what they take pride in, what they like about themselves, what makes them feel happy or content or confident, maybe we could just be discouraging people from viewing those things as personal threats? Idk just trying to formulate some thoughts on this

[brightokyolights]

.

[icicleteeth]

I tell my most embarrassing things I don’t have the balls to post on twitter sorry guys... But (purely because I love watching all food and drink and cooking videos) I watch a LOT of alcohol related videos for someone who does not and will never drink 🙈

[boypussydilf]

i should go to college and fulfill all my dreams (thats how it works) but im scared (ive never gone to school before)

[falled-over]

i got a ds as my christmas present a few years back with a copy of animal crossing (which is considered a bad version of the game btw) and something i keep coming back to is these little objectively somewhat pointless interactions like going for a coffee. you just go to the cafe, and buy a cup. you drink it, and you leave. i always say goodbye before i go. im trying to say thanks. i cant really see any practical reason for doing it, it is objectively just a money suck, but i love doing it. at first i thought the little bird who runs it might open up to me but he doesnt seem the type, but i still like him, so i go and visit him. it feels so real. like he remembers me but doesnt like talking about it. its such an incredibly special and intimate feeling. i wonder if other games at the time were able to cultivate this or if it was unique

[seventeendeer]

before you adopt an "unusual" pet of any kind, I think it's really, really important to ask yourself why you absolutely need to have this specific species in your house. not just if you think you can take care of this pet, but why exactly you need this kind of pet, instead of a more common domestic animal which 1. will be better understood and researched due to many years of having lived in close quarters with people and 2. will be much, much easier to find proper vet care for.

I grew up with dogs. as a kid, I thought I wanted a pet dragon. seeing as this wish was somewhat difficult to grant for myself, as an adult, I sat down and evaluated what exactly it was kid-me thought would be so awesome about having a dragon for an animal companion.

"well," I told myself, "I really want a pet that's more emotionally guarded than a dog. something that won't love just anyone; I want to feel special by virtue of being 'chosen' by something that is normally aloof and hard to get close to. oh, and I want it to be cool-looking! it has to move all majestically and be sleek and elegant, and I want it to be fun to watch! I'm also drawn to the idea of misunderstood animals that people think are evil, but actually they're sensitive, beautiful, fascinating creatures, and we could learn so much from them if only we could overcome our own biases and see them for the raw, natural sincerity they embody!"

hopped on down to the shelter and picked up a cat

[violentdevotion]

I had multiple dreams last night.

I had a bf </3

someone in my family got bit by a zombie </3

some guy made me explain narrative structure to him </3

[weenhands]

[orcelito]

Sometimes. Impulse purchases. Can be so personal.

[hella1975]

has that other anon ever met an upper class brit because i guarantee they wouldn't feel the same after encountering All That

literally 😭 like comparing classism is so dumb when it’s very much a subjective, varied conversation WITHIN a country let alone amongst different countries but that sentiment can and should coexist with the acknowledgement that british classism Does Not Fuck About

[bitchfitch]

tbh I'm considering opening up a Patreon Mostly bc the number one way to wrangle my ADHD brain into doing something is to have an actual deadline to do it by but also bc i feel like it would be a great way for me to be able to offer cheaper (sketch) comms/monthly request type things and post full speed paints.

Besides the cheaper comms and some polls I don't suspect a lot would change about this blog, progress updates would be posted to both sites and while Patreon would get to see the final piece in its full uncompressed glory, the paintings would still be posted here at the same time they are there.

and maybe down the road a print club would be possible. with tiers based on the size of print received.

Which, tbh, the tier idea is only appealing to me bc my friend got nice glossy business cards a few days ago and the idea of offering Really mini prints on a business cards as a monthly Patreon reward is just, Exceptionally funny to me. I Will package it as though it's a real print, cardboard protection slip and everything.