#but like. if you see some well-meaning cis woman say 'its a scary time to be a woman' she's not wrong and not necessarily being transphobic

[kalamity-jayne]

egg here (ex egg?? pretty sure im a trans woman but getting past the societal bullshit is hard so its complicated) thanks for providing a safe haven for eggs, how do you handle explaining transness to people you care about? it feels so scary to approach it

Hi Anon,

Thank you so much for reaching out. I am always happy to take a lil time out of my day to help an egg or as the case may be former egg. Regarding the question of how to handle explaining transness to people I would say it really depends on who you're explaining it to and what you hope they'll take away with from the conversation. If it's a situation where you're having to do trans 101 there are many guides out there (like this for example)that you can use to build script for yourself. I also just recommend listening/reading how other trans folks break down transgender 101. Perhaps you're not looking to do trans 101 but are trying to convey what it feels like to be trans in which case you'd simply speak from the heart about your own experiences, or maybe your trying to explain what being trans means to you and the community, perhaps your trying explain transness as you come out to someone, perhaps an amalgam of several of these, or some other facet of the trans experience. So please follow up with more details if you're looking for a kind of script to launch from or examples.

But even more important than what to say is how to assert and protect yourself. Some of the following advice is applicable to pretty much any conversation you might have with a cis person about anything transgender. These conversations can feel like a minefield especially if you haven't had a lot of practice and the resulting anxiety can take the form of many different kinds of fear: fear of not being believed, fear of being rejected by the other person, fear that your attempt at an explanation will be challenged or dismissed, etc etc If you interrogate the fears you have, understand them inside and out, they'll be less likely to hold you back or trip you up and you'll know how to prepare. If you know the people really well, say they're your parents, you can probably predict and anticipate how they'll react which again will keep you relatively safe from being hurt because you saw the hit coming and were ready for it. Maybe you're 100 percent certain the conversation wont have a desirable outcome, in which case trust your gut if it's telling you it's safer to leave it alone.

The most important thing is figuring out the shape of your boundaries and asserting them without flinching. Know your triggers and who's really good at getting under your skin, and plan out what you're going to say to assert your boundary ahead of time. For example: Whenever I talk to my parents they inevitably want to discuss the trans news of the day and let's be real, that news is usually very unpleasant and as soon as I'm done talking to them I tend to spin out in emotional distress because their attempts at virtue signaling are a reminder of how they rejected me as a nascently trans teenager. So now whenever my parents try to discuss trans issues I try to shut them down by saying, "I don't want to talk about that stuff with you cause I see it and live it everyday." Last week, my parents tried to face time me at a time while I was working. I made the mistake of taking the call and because I was distracted I didn't enforce the boundary and I get hurt pretty bad. It pays to a be disciplined at enforcing your boundaries.

That brings me to the next aspect of being prepared. Set your self up for success. Don't attempt these conversations when you're not in the right headspace for them. Don't have the conversation at a time/place when/where you'll be dristracted (like a busy street corner or when you're trying to work) and remove any distractions that maybe present or come up (be sure to silence your phone and consider asking the people you're talking to to do the same. TV on in the background? Turn that shit off!) Make sure you're comfortable and do whatever you have to to reduce the pressure of the situation.

If you can I recommend having an ally there with you. Let's say you're coming out to one of your friends and you're unsure of how they'll react, but you've got another friend you're already out to and they're supportive, or lets you say you have to have conversation with a family member about respecting your pronouns and you've got a sibling you're really close with and they're already in your corner; bring these people along to back you up. They will probably not even have to say or do anything because their mere presence will provide the confidence you need.

And the last and very critical piece of advice. Reach out to whoever your closest confidant is to talk about the conversation and process it, especially if it went poorly. Maybe even let your Bestie know ahead of time that you're going to have a potentially difficult conversation and may need their support afterward. Do not downplay how you might be feeling out of a misplaced concern that you'd be bothering your friend. This is what friends are for and the worst that happens is they have too call you back later. True friends will never be bothered or put out by a call for support. Real friends will be happy that you reached out to them for help.

I hope this advice is of help to you. Please reach out again if you have more questions or wish to discuss the topic further. Best of luck to you Anon and no matter how your next conversation about transness goes, know that each time it gets easier, even when the people you talk to try to make it harder it still gets easier.

❤️ Mother Calamity ❤️

[ot3]

As important as i think it is to understand that not everyone at risk of an unwanted pregnancy is a woman, and use appropriate language to reflect that, i also think it is really critical that we do not let trans-inclusivity stop us from understanding or articulating that overturning roe v. wade is an act that is intended to harm women categorically. 

It’s not all-encompassing. obviously there are plenty of women who can’t get pregnant, regardless of assigned sex. obviously some people who get pregnant are not women. But we do need to discuss the fact that it’s legislation designed to harm and control women, because the desire of the christian right always has been and always will be to make women (and by extension, people they view as women) second class citizens.

and if we can’t find a way to recognize and talk about the ways in which women as a social category are still at risk and being specifically targeted then we de facto cede the entire feminist movement to violent transphobes. which i really really do not want. regardless of any personal identity politics and pontificating about what it does or doesn’t mean to be a woman, there is still a cultural concept of who and what women are that we do not have the luxury of fully opting out of even if we’d really like to. we have to be able to simultaneously discuss macro-scale gender politics And individual identity if we want to have a trans-inclusive feminist movement, rather than just a trans inclusive movement Or a feminist movement.

[stvpidinlove]

[ OLIVIA HOLT, SHE/HER, CIS WOMAN ]  —  [ REGAN MORGAN ]  is a child of  [ MORPHEUS ]  with the power of  [ PRECOGNITIVE DREAMING ] .  they were born in  [ 1995 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2019 ] .  with the change, they  [ ARE TRAINING IN ]  the  [ AMBASSADOR ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ SCROLLING HER CURSED TIKTOK FYP & CONFUSING HER FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ MOON ]  building .

tl;dr she’s a deranged menace to society

BASICS

hometown: milford, pennsylvania

eye color: brown

hair color:  blonde

height: 5′3

sexuality: bisexual

birthday: january 19, 1995 ( capricorn )

BIO

regan’s mother was never the type to settle down. before meeting morpheus, her longest relationship had been three months. so when the guy seemed commitment-phobic, that was perfect for her. until, of course, she found out she was pregnant. she didn’t want to get married but she was at an age where the idea of motherhood...didn’t repulse her. so she wanted to keep the baby, at which point the father of her child didn’t get down on one knee, he started to explain the kinds of responsibilities she’d face as the mother of his child.

having the child of a god in her womb inflated her ego, which was pretty impressive considering how big it already was. see, regan’s mother was a southern belle without any of the class or manners. she’d breezed through the pageant circuit as a teen, winning a number of titles with minimal effort. her talent was essentially crying on demand and looking pretty while doing it. knowing she’d slept with a god, like an honest to...god felt sort of fitting. like, duh, who else would she have her first child with?

this also led to a brief but intense fixation with shakespeare, who name dropped gods like it was his job, which led to her choosing the name regan from king lear.

she moved to pennsylvania with regan when her daughter was only four years old, because some guy practically begged her to let him take care of her, and she had nowhere better to go. until, eventually, she did, thanks to the world of avon. her mother started selling out of boredom but then it turned out she was good at it, so good that she could easily buy a place once she got bored of her rich boyfriend, and move out with regan.

thankfully, her mother got out of the pyramid scheme before she got in too deep. she was hired by an actual, reputable cosmetics company and given a desk job to work in sales, which she was still a natural at. because she had a full time job now, regan spent a lot of time with nannies...and that’s nannies plural because regan was one of those kids who drove her caretakers to quit on a regular basis.

but not because she was a handful. she was pretty self-sufficient, actually, and totally well-behaved, she was just kind of...weird. she’d leave her room for dinner with all of her clothes suddenly on backwards and say nothing as if it was normal and act confused when her nanny asked about it. she’d stare at the tv when it was off, she’d spend one day only speaking in whispers, she’d write vaguely threatening messages on the mirror with her mother’s red lipstick.

all of this was because regan knew it was scary to adults, which made it fun for her. she wasn’t, like, actually disturbed. well, aside from the dreams she had sometimes. she’d have a dream about a baby bird falling from a nest, she’d watch its chest move for minutes before it died, then she’d wake up the next day and find a dead bird outside the sliding glass doors to the backyard.

for a while she thought they were coincidences. then she thought she was making things happen in her sleep, and that it was her job to stop bad things from happening, to save every baby bird that asked for help in her dreams. it took her a few years to accept that just because she sometimes saw the future didn’t mean she had any power to change it. she was warned so she could prepare herself, which only made her feel more powerless.

but being regan, she chose to cope with this aspect of her life with avoidance and humor. she doesn’t want to pick and choose what she worries about and what she doesn’t, so she decided a long time ago not to take anything seriously.

for reasons unknown, regan’s mother actually decided to have another child after regan. but she was unconventional, too, hence regan being...the way she is, so she never actually married the father of regan’s half-brother, but they have been together for the past 15 years, so.

her brother is eleven years younger than she is, so in regan’s mind, a baby. whenever left with the task of babysitting him while the two were growing up, it would be regan who suggested ice cream for breakfast and sock sliding around the living room at dangerous speeds.

RANDOM FACTS

i want to v*mit saying this but.....she’s kind of like........the female version of stevesuptic. except for she’s cute <3

her entire twitch account is kind of satirical, like it’s very hard to gauge what her actual personality is. i don’t think her viewers bully her the way they bully steve bc she would bully them back LMAO but they ask her a lot of random ass super weird sometimes borderline disturbing questions and she answers them like it’s normal

she def has weird/creepy drawings whenever playing gartic phone tho /:

ig you could say her channel is like shit posting but make it a streamer. she has a really nice set up and she always looks made up in her streams but then the content is her playing like a cat dating sim for four hours

she’s actually pretty shit at most games that require any level of skill and her following comes entirely from her personality and her Brand ig, she’s just entertaining to watch bc she says and does the most ??? things. like she’s not a gamer girl and doesn’t say she is she just has a twitch and plays games for the attention

also she has a cat named muffintop (best part of the muffin, not the offensive term for a woman’s stomach, though she will say that’s what it means if someone asks) who she regularly posts memes of and like most of her twitch emotes are her cat. you can find examples on her pinterest board lmao

i think it’s pretty hard to get an actual vision out of regan? she mostly keeps those to herself and just lies about her dreams. she’ll just be like, “yeah actually i had a dream you were gonna choke on some oatmeal so stay safe out there.” she’s also only partially sure when a dream is actually about the future.

her like <3 symbol that represents her is butterflies, she has a ton of butterfly shit

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

idk if i am requesting a roommate for once, idk if i wanna subject anyone to that

someone naive who believes her any time she says something is Going To Happen, no matter how stupid it is and no matter how many times things simply do not happen??

a bestie because...............................i just feel like she wormed her way into someone’s inner circle and they’re just stuck with her now

[smalltragedy]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows. 

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

mod a’s lgbt musicals

Hi there! I’m a big theatre kid so I thought for pride month I’d put together a list of LGBTQ musicals. Despite its association with queer people, musical theatre is not known for its amazing representation. I’ve put together a list here of musicals I know of with queer characters. I’ve tried to avoid those where the queer characters are incredibly minor roles or those where the representation is just not good enough to be salvageable (*side eyes Legally Blonde*) I know there are many musicals I will have missed out but these are the ones I am most aware of. Feel free to add more! So without further ado, here it is.

Fun Home

The big Tony winner of 2015! Based on Alison Bechdel, a butch lesbian cartoonist. At the age of 43, she looks for new material by trying to explore her past and her relationship with her closeted gay dad. Looks back at a version of herself when she was 10 and a “tomboy” and at 19 when she came out and got her first girlfriend. Has very cute lighthearted moments as well as very sad moments. Has a beautiful song where small Alison sees a butch deliverywoman. Problems in that since the original broadway cast, Alison’s costume has got less butch. Content warning for suicide.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMAuesRJm1E

The Color Purple

Based on Alice Walker’s novel about black women in the 1930s. Follows Celie who has been abused by men her whole life who discovers she is a lesbian but also makes a journey of self discovery and learns to love herself. Her love interest is a bisexual woman. Won best revival at the Tonys in 2016. Content warning for discussion/implied sexual abuse.

Here’s their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k2xzQyT2bk

Everybody’s Talking About Jamie

A teenage gay boy in Sheffield wants to be a drag queen and go to prom in a dress.Also a nice touch that is does not focus on him having a relationship (since he is sixteen) and him having to come out as he is already out. Focuses on his close relationship with his supportive mother. Has a diverse cast. Jamie is currently played by a black actor and his best friend wears a hijab and has a very diverse ensemble as well. Unfortunately has a part where Jamie responds to a homophobic bully by calling him a bunch of ableist and classist slurs.

Here’s a clip of the most popular song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7C3FuFWDdw

The Prom

Emma is a lesbian teenager in Indiana whose prom is cancelled by the PTA after she requests to bring her girlfriend to it. A group of Broadway actors come down to help her campaign to be allowed to attend prom, as well as styling her, helping her work on her confidence and educating the town’s people. What ensues is basically a two hour musical episode of Queer Eye. Cheesy and fun with so many musical theatre references crammed in. My one issue is that the show is rather harsh on people who are closeted since Emma has conflicted with her girlfriend Alyssa because she is not ready to come out.

Here’s a clip of their Tony performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGcG_r5xv3E

Rent

Probably the most well known on this list. Artists in New York during the AIDS crisis. Two of the main couples featured are queer: Maureen is bisexual and in a relationship with Joanne who is a lesbian, and Angel is a transgender woman of color in a relationship with Collins, a presumably bisexual man. However, she tends to be played bi cis men and there are instances of her being misgendered by the main characters uncritically. In Rent Live (2019), all instances of her being misgendered were removed and her gender identity was confirmed. She was played in this by Valentina, an nb drag queen and has also been played by Pose’s MJ Rodriguez, a trans woman. Very diverse with Jewish characters and people of colour and in the live show, only 1 of the 8 main characters was white. Has been criticised over the years, mainly for its biphobic portrayal of Maureen who is promiscuous and implied to cheat, but in the 90s did a lot for the LGBTQ community and is more progressive than a lot of media even now.

Here’s a clip of Maureen and Joanne from Rent Live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06oCfKYYPTY

And here’s some Angel and Collins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hl-M94o_x8

Falsettos

Marvin comes out as gay in the late 70s but decides to move his ex wife and son in with his boyfriend. Addresses AIDS crisis in Act 2. Has “lesbians from next door” in act 2. F Revived on Broadway in 2016. All of the characters are Jewish. Unfortunately, in revival casts, very few actors tend to be Jewish.

Here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjnAHOdMQVk

Come From Away

In the aftermath of 9/11, 38 planes are diverted to a small town in Canada called Gander. Shows people of different races and nationalities bonding in a scary time. Addresses Islamophobia. Has one song called Prayer where prayers from different religions overlap. Has an interracial gay couple called Kevin and Kevin. They break up in the end but are very important characters. Won best direction of a musical in 2017. The Broadway production starred Jenn Colella who has referred to herself as ‘mostly gay’.

Here’s a clip of Jenn Colella singing a song from the musical: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ukgH6U-d0

Head Over Heels

Honestly I don’t quite know what this musical is about, even by reading the plot summary and listening to the soundtrack. I know it’s set in a Tudor fantasy world and that there are wlw couples as well as an explicitly non binary character, played by Peppermint, a trans woman, and that there are interracial couples and plus sized actors. It is a jukebox musical using songs by the Go-Gos and yes the wlw anthem that is Heaven is a Place on Earth is one of them. The soundtrack is fantastic even if you can’t follow what is going on.

Here are some show clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx2qQ7QAPm0

Spring Awakening

German school kids in the 19th century discovering their sexuality. Two of the schoolboy supporting characters, Ernst and Hänschen, have a romance when they have a reprise of an earlier song in Act 2.  A BIG content warning as it has graphic discussions of rape and songs about it and a sex scene with very dubious consent. However there was a very wonderful 2016 revival using deaf actors and sign language.

This is another one you can very easily find the full show of on YouTube which I won’t link. However here’s the Tony performance for the revival: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSagsMcak4Q

If/Then

A woman named Elizabeth (originally played by Idina Menzel) moves to New York after a divorce and contemplated how different her life would be if she took two different paths. Four supporting queer characters. Her ex-boyfriend is bisexual and played by Anthony Rapp (who is bisexual in real life) and he gets a boyfriend in one timeline. Another of her friends is a lesbian called Kate who marries her girlfriend in the musical. Problems occur as in both timelines, cheating goes on in the lesbian relationship although they stay together in one. Elizabeth also says she doesn’t believe in bisexuals, a view no one ever challenges her on, however Lucas is very clearly bisexual which is some proof for the audience that she is wrong.

I’m not going to link it here but there are many very high quality bootlegs on it on YouTube if you want to watch,

Ghost Quartet

A bit of a weird one. This is more of a concept album. There are four performers who each play instruments and they tell the stories of many interconnected timelines. It is very hard to explain but there are souls travelling through time who keep being reincarnated as different people with different relationships to each other which usually end with one woman killing the other. In the song Soldier & Rose, the ghosts Rose and Pearl are lovers as Rose seduces the soldier for her honey.  In the song Four Friends, for one chorus the men sing “I like to put my hand on a pretty girls’s knee” and the women sing “pretty boy’s knee” and then they switch for the next chorus so they’re all bisexual. In general, a lot of fun if you like weird musicals and I mean really weird.

The full show is online: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJSaEJm8pCE

Mean Girls

Yes there’s a musical of it. I was not looking forward to it when it was announced but have actually grown to quite like it. It’s hardly lyrical genius but the songs are fun and a lot of the problematic aspects of the film have been fixed. Damian is more explicitly gay in the musical and sings about an ex boyfriend in one song. Janis is heavily implied to be a lesbian (confirmed by actress offstage) and she doesn’t end up with Kevin Gnapoor. She is played by a queer actress in the tour cast. Both queer characters are much bigger roles than in the movie and get several songs each. I’d consider the musical to be quite white feminist but it does address issues such as the sexualisation of teenage girls and the notion that to be ‘sexy’ is ‘empowering’.

Here’s a clip of one of Damian’s songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-zM6QKkxEQ

& Juliet

An English jukebox musical about what might have happened to Juliet in Romeo and Juliet if she had not died at the end. I haven’t seen it but I’ve listened to the soundtrack and it is mainly comprised of 21st century songs by women. One of Juliet’s best friends is non binary although is played by a cis man as far as we know. Also I went to the same school as one of the actors which is a bonus for me. Very diverse cast.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm2k9nS3o20

In Transit

A capella musical about several people’s adventures on New York public transport. Two of the main characters in this ensemble cast are an interracial gay couple where both are pocs. They are engaged but one of them is having trouble coming out to his mother. I found it refreshing in that his fiance for the most part was not upset with him at his struggles in coming out and they were both able to live fulfilling lives despite this. I am always astonished by the talent of a cappella singers.

Here’s a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhvik6qoass  Another one where the bootleg can be found very easily on YouTube

Firebringer

Remember A Very Potter Musical? Well, the company that did that are still putting out new pieces of theatre on their YouTube channel. In 2016, they put out their ridiculous comedy musical Firebringer, about a group of bisexual cavewomen. I won’t spoil the ending but trust me, it’s great. You may know it from the viral clip of one of the main characters singing ‘I don’t really wanna do the work today.’

You can watch the full musical here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmVuNlu0LCk

Special Mentions

Company

Musical by Stephen Sondheim about a man unable to commit to a relationship, surrounded by his friends who are all in couples. However, the award-winning 2018 West End revival chose to change the genders of some of the characters. The main character Robert became ‘Bobbie’ (although all of her love interests were gender-swapped as well). One of the originally M/F couples became an M/M couple. It opened on Broadway for about a week before the Covid outbreak so that will be one to look out for.

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtDK03y4gT0

In the Heights

A musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda about the Latin American community living in Washington Heights in New York. The original theatre production has no explicitly queer characters. However, in the upcoming movie version (that was meant to be released this summer but has been pushed back to next summer) it has been confirmed that the characters of Daniela and Carla (Daphne Rubin-Vega and Stephanie Beatriz) will be explicitly a couple.

I absolutely love this musical and the trailer for the movie looks beautiful check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0CL-ZSuCrQ

[velthequeen]

Haven (Hank Voight x OC)

~ imagine hank voight being a bit overprotective of the new member of his team

~i only started watching chicago pd like two days ago and i’m honestly in love with hank. i personally created tina kunakey as khadasiah blaisie so he wouldn’t be so lonesome :(

#hankvoight #chicagopd #tvshow #police #policedepartment #originalcharacter

________

Khadasiah Blaisie was the newest member to the Intelligence Unit. She had just accepted the job, moving to Chicago from Boston. With a big mop of honey brown curls on her head and a classified file, she was put on the team to handle major crimes. She only knew Alvin Olinsky from the team, him and her meeting when he was on an undercover case in Boston. He knew she was coming, but no one else on the team did. He was ecstatic the whole week. She was good police, and one of the brightest in his eyes. The tough part would be proving that to his unit chief and longtime friend, Hank Voight.

“Sia!” Alvin said happily as she walked into the office. He got up from his desk, and sauntered over to the pretty chocolate-skinned woman. She smiled as he embraced her, feeling the gaze of his team on her. “You didn’t tell me you were coming in today. I thought I was seeing you tomorrow.” He told her after kissing her cheek and pulling away. Khadasiah smiled. “What, you don’t want to see me?” She asked with mock, causing him to laugh. She noticed that he still had on his signature hat, while she wore a longsleeve black shirt, tucked into high waisted vintage jeans and black boots. Alvin always complimented her on her sense of style.

“Al, you gonna introduce us to your friend?” Antonio asked with a smirk. All eyes were on the two of them as Al beamed at his friend. Hank had walked out of his office, his arms crossed as he leaned again he doorframe. “Everyone, this is Khadasiah Blaisie. Newest member of the unit, and a good friend of mine.” Al said, a hand wrapped around her shoulders. Khadasia smiled at them before noticing the hard stare that Sergeant Voight held on her. “It’s nice to meet you. I look forward to working with you all.” She said with a sweet smile. Hank straightened off of the doorframe, walking over to the both of them.

“She any good?” He asked Alvin. Khadasiah was surprised at his gravelly voice, and nearly flinched. All she did was blink. “One of the best. Only second to yours truly.” Alvin said, gesturing to himself. Hank didn’t look impressed. “C’mon, Hank. If Al says she’s good, she’s good.” Erin Lindsay told him. Hank made a ‘huh’ sound before walking back to his office. “Come with me, Blaisie.” He said to her. She walked into his office, head held high. Closing the door behind her, Khadasiah pushed a curl from her eyes as she watched his movement. He sat down in his chair, looking at a file in his hands.

“Tried to read your original file. They told me it was classified.” He commented as he threw the file back down on his desk, revealing that her picture and information had been on it. Sis scoffed at him. “Need to know.” She responded to him, causing a small smirk to grace his face. Hank rubbed his temple before looking back up at her. She could tell that he was still wary of her, but he would learn to trust her soon. She had a habit of

“Where you comin’ from?” He askeder with curiosity in his voice. She took a step closer to his desk. “Boston.” She replied, a hint of pride in her eyes. “City girl, huh?” He asked her with another smirk. Khadasia smiled at him. “Born and raised in France.” She told him. He made another ‘huh’ noise.

“Is that so?” He questioned.

“Oui.” She responded.

“I’ll be honest with you. You have to prove to me that you belong on my team. I say jump, you ask me how high. You play by my rules and my rules only. And if you ever try to cross me,” He said, getting up and walking towards her. He was inches away from her, his stature standing over in a scary way. “It won’t be pretty for you.” He told her. Khadasiah looked him straight in the eye. Of course she was nervous, but she hid it very well. “Got it. Is that all, sir?” She asked him, not taking her eyes off of his. He looked down and stifled a laugh.

“Just get to work.”

———————

Her first encounter with Hank Voight was four and a half months ago and Khadasia was loving her new job. She liked taking down the bad guy and getting justice for the victims. Everyone in the team had taken a liking to her, especially Hank. It was a regular day at the office when they got a case. A big business called The Cordon Corporation was smuggling drugs into Chicago, and they needed to find the link between the business and the local gangs that were selling the dope, and why it was making its customers turn up dead. “Who’s got something for me?” Hank asked his squad. Khadasiah looked through her files before speaking.

“My CI gave me a file on Cordon’s COO. He has a bit of a rap sheet on him. His father paid a very generous amount of money for his son to be hired.” She told him, flipping through her file. She handed the file to Hank, who flipped through it. He looked at her approvingly, and Khadasia could feel Alvin’s proud smile directed towards her.

“Good job, Princess. You and Lindsey go get more information on the son. Any dirt you can dig up on him. Dawson, you and Halstead go see if you can get anything off any of the gangs. Ruzek, you’re with Atwater and Burgess for the day. Olinsky, you’re with me. Roll out in 5. Blaisie, my office, now.” Hank said before stalking back to his office. Khadasiah was unaffected by the nickname he called her, but Jay and Antonio were snickering. Khadasiah got up from her seat and walked towards his office. She closed the door behind her and took a seat in one of the chairs that had been placed in front of his desk.

“I need specifics on the son before you go.” He told her. Khadasiah nodded at him before clearing her throat. “His name is Markus Wilcox. He’s 26, no spouse, no kids and lives on the north side. He went to prison for assault, fraud, and possession. He was supposed to do 12 years but got out in five. Daddy has a lot a money and pulled some strings. Now he’s at Cordon.” She informed him. Hank nodded. His stature told her that he was pleased with the info she had just laid on him, but his eyes told her a different story. They stayed like that—silent—before Khadasiah gave him a smirk.

“I’m a Princess now? I kinda liked Dollface.” She said with mock offense. Hank laughed at her demeanor, a deep rumble that resonated in his chest. “Just get to it.” He said, dismissing her with another chuckle and a wave of his hand. She rolled her eyes playfully before standing up. She was about to walk out when Hank caught her. “And Blaisie,” He said, causing her to turn around. Hank had been standing, a serious expression plastered on his face.

“You’re not a princess, you’re my princess. And if anyone else calls you that, I’ll kick their teeth in.” He told her. She had to resist the urge to smile as she walked out.

———————

Erin and Sia has charmed their way into the office, but they were told that Markus was home sick for the day with the flu, and were driving to his house to meet Hank and Alvin. They got a tip off of a CI that some dope was there, and they he was playing his office about his sick day. While they were driving, Erin kept glancing at Khadasiah.

“So...what’s going on with you and Voight?” She asked in a nonchalant tone. Khadasiah glanced at her before giving a small laugh. “What do you mean?” She questioned the brunette. Erin looked at her with a kind of disappointed look, the kind that a mother would make if she found you eating a cookie before dinner.

“You know what I’m talking about.” She said to the French woman. Sia rolled her eyes before looking out the window. “We’re here.” She said, getting out of the car immediately. Khadasiah and Erin rounded the car to meet Voight and Olinsky. Chicago was hot this time of year, and Sia found herself using her right hand to fan her sweaty face. She didn’t understand how Hank and Al could wear longsleeve shirts today. She wore an oversized t-shirt and boyfriend jeans, and Erin wore a tank top with skinny jeans. Erin was fanning herself too, and the boys just chuckled at them. Hank gestured for Sia to stand by his side while Erin stood by Alvin. Hank gestured for Al to knock on the door, all while the Sergeant had a tight grip on Sia’s arm. Hank pulled her down the stairway and around the house, her getting her gun out. They scaled the side of the house, going to the back door and hiding on either side of the brick staircase. When they heard commotion in the house, they moved. Markus Wilcox has been running through the back with a gun. He was tackled by Hank and cuffed by Sia, but he had a little tumble with her and ended up punching her in the face and kicking her in the stomach.

———————

They had Wilcox in The Cage. It was Alvin, Hank, and Khadasiah who were down there with him. Hank held his hand out and Al gave him a rusty crowbar. Sia watched them intently.

“Blaisie, come here for a second.” Hank said. She stepped inside the wire fencing box. Hank took her chin in his hand and gently inspected her face from side to side. “Tell me where he hit you.” Hank said to her in a gruff voice. Khadasiah has an inquisitive glint in her eye, but Hank nodded at her, telling her to proceed. She didn’t know what he was getting at, but she had a bad feeling about it.

“My face. He punched me in the face.” She told her unit chief. Hank let go of her chin and settled his crowbar-free hand on her side. “Did he hurt you anywhere else?” He questioned her further. Sia nodded and gulped. “He, uh...he kicked me in the stomach.” She told him. Hank gave her a slow and small nod before using the crowbar to hit Markus in the stomach. The man groaned as he fell to the ground. Sia flinched as Hank raised the crowbar above his head again and hit Wilcox in the face with it. He yelled out again in pain. and all Al could do was look away and breath out.

“Apologize to Detective Blaisie.” He told the man in custody. When he didn’t say anything. Hank dropped the crowbar and hoisted him up by his shirt, slamming him against the wall. “What, are you deaf? I said apologize.” Hank demanded. Markus Wilcox looked at Khadasiah. “I’m sorry.” He said, sitting out blood on the floor immediately afterward. Voight dropped his shirt, dropping Wilcox in the process. “You touch her again, you’re not gonna get off this lucky. Now, either you’re gonna get your ass upstairs into my interrogation room and spill all of Cordon Corp’s dirty little secrets, or I’m gonna book you for assault of a police officer.” Hank said, motioning for Alvin to bring him back upstairs. It was just Sia and Hank after they left. She looked a bit shocked, her hands shaking a bit. Hank gently grabbed them, which caused her to look in his eyes.

“You okay, Princess?” Hank asked her. Sia touched her face where he punched her. Her eye had gotten a bit purple, and the skin of her stomach was beginning to bruise. “I’ll be okay. I’ve been through worse.” She mumbled as she looked down at their shoes. Hank sighed as he looked down at her. He felt the need to protect her, and got upset when she wasn’t by his side. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time. Hank gently grabbed her chin again, his thin caressing up and down her jawline. She leaned her face into his large hand, closing her eyes as he comforted her. His thumb dragged against her bottom lip, his eyes focused on her lips.

“I got you, okay? I got you.” He told her. Her eyes were still closed when she nodded. It seemed that his soft words made her hands stopped shaking. Hank left her down there before going back upstairs, leaving her alone in the dim light.

——————

“We got a hit.” Antonio told them as he started to piece things together on the white board. Hank was standing next to Khadasiah’s chair glancing between her and the board. She was listening intently. All of the business deals were tied to a man named Gavin Hemlock, and he was the older cousin of one of the gang members. He also worked with Cordon and owned a private airline company. They planned to raid his house, but they couldn’t even get upstairs without bullets flying every which way. Alvin, Erin, and Jay were in the back while Hank, Khadasiah, and Antonio were in the front. Adam Ruzek, Kim Burgess, and Kevin Atwater took the sides of the house. There had to be at least four or five hunmen in the house already. There was also another problem. One of the gang leaders’ four year old son was in the house, tied up and beaten in a closet.

Two of the gunmen had taken the kid and ran, Antonio and Khadasiah in pursuit of them. Antonio shot one of them i. the back before the other gunmen held the kid by the throat with a gun to his temple. It was Gavin Hemlock under the mask. Khadasiah kept her gun trained on him. “Put the gun down, Hemlock. Give me the kid and I’ll let you walk out of this.” Sia called to him. The man scoffed, and the kid cried out. Gavin was gettin restless. He would do something regrettable soon if she didn’t stop him.

“C’mon. Give me the boy. He’s not apart of this!” She said a bit angrier. Gavin looked nervous. He was getting agitated. “Back up, or I will blow his brains out! I mean it! Drop the gun!” Hemlock screamed at her. Khadasiah held her hands up in defense before dropping her gun. Antonio dropped his too. What Gavin didn’t realize was that Alvin and Hank were right behind him. “Chicago P.D.! Drop the gun!” Hank yelled. Gavin’s head spun as he pushed the kid out of the way and put the gun to his own temple. “No!” Antonio screamed before he pulled the trigger. Blood spattered everywhere, and a good amount got on Sia’s face. She held the little boy in her arms while he cried, Alvin and Hank running up to them.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. I got you.” Sia whispered in the boy’s ear, repeating what Hank had promised her earlier. Alvin has kicked the gun away from Hemlock, even though they all knew he was dead. Sia got most of the blood because she was shirking the little boy from getting hit by anything. “It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry. I’m gonna keep you safe.” She said to the child, calming his cries with her comfort. Hank put a hand on her back She just ignored him while she looked at the little boy. Khadasiah picked up the child, the boy laying his head down on on her shoulder, sucking his thumb. Khadasiah rubbed his back lovingly while she walked him back to the car.

——————

“I’m finished my report.” Khadasiah said as she dropped the manila folder on his desk. They were the last two in the loft. It was nearly midnight, and Hank didn’t want to leave her alone. He saw her expression. Sia had been holding in her emotions all day. Her hands were shaking again and her eyes were darting across the room. Her brown orbs were glossy and red, and one of her shaky hands had been holding her bruised stomach. Hank stood up from his seat and said nothing as he pulled her into his chest. He wasn’t the best at words in situations like this, and to be fair he only really had these moments with Erin.

“Hemlock was gang raped and beaten in prison. He shot himself because he didn’t want to go back. And I pressured him to do it.” Sia remarked, her voice breaking. Hank let her curls softly as she spoke, one hand on her hair and one hand on her back. “It wasn’t your fault.” He grumbled in her ear. She had tried to stop the tears from flowing, but she had extreme empathy towards people. She could feel their emotions. Gavin’s fear mixed with the child’s as a destructive outcome.

“I could see his hands shake as he held the gun. They were both so afraid. How am I supposed to do this job when I have sympathy for the victim and the perp?” She cried into his chest. Before she could come to her right senses, Khadasiah found herself hitting Voight’s chest in anger and frustration. He wasn’t fazed by it. All he did was hold her in his arms tighter. “I got you, Princess. I got you.” He spoke into her hair as he cradled her head on his chest, slightly swaying her back and forth. They stayed like that for a few moments before she pulled away and coughed into her arm.

“Show me your stomach. I know it hurts.” He told her, changing the subject. Khadasiah watched as she moved out of the room for a second before coming back with an ice pack wrapped in a hand towel from the fridge in the break room. Khadasiah pulled up her shirt slowly, and Hank sighed as he saw a large bruise on her stomach. He did have combat boots on. The bruise was big, purple and red. And it hurt like a bitch to move at all.

“Scale of 1-10, how much does it hurt?” He asked as he moved closer, grazing his calloused fingers over her stomach. Khadasiah flinched. “9.” She said in a whimper. He glanced at her eyes, but all she could do was tightly hold onto her shirt as he inspected her. Hank put a hand on her exposed side before gently pressing the cold compress to her skin. Khadasiah hissed and dropped half of her shirt. Her hand quickly found Hank’s muscular forearm, digging her manicured nails into his shirt. He didn’t react.

“You should’a told me.” He mumbled as he gently pressed her wound further with the ice pack. Hank put the pack down and graced his fingers against her skin again. She didn’t react in a bad way this time. “You’re a good fit for this team. So you need to tell me when something is bothering you, so I can fix it. I can’t have you injured, upset, or distracted.” He told her. Sia nodded slowly. Hank then grabbed her face to check her eye again. His thumb was back on her bottom lip and her head was once again leaning into his rough palms.

“Help me.” She whispered to him, looking up to gaze into his eyes. Hank was never intimate with women like this, much less his detectives. But there was something different about Sia. They had a good connection, and they got along well. He pull see she was a good fit to his unit and she belonged there, and all he wanted to do was protect her. But Hank hesitated...even years after his wife’s death, he didn’t know if he was ready to pursue everything else yet. Khadasiah on the other hand was more than willing. She thought that Hank Voight was attractive, invested in his work, and protective over those he cares about. She had been hurt before, and a lot of it was included in her classified file, but she felt like she was missing something. All she knew was that she wanted to be near him. It wasn’t love or anything, but he made her feel safe. He was a haven.

“Please.” Khadasiah whispered to him as she used her free hand to touch his chest. Khadasiah has to lift up her feet to get to him, but when their lips met they felt sparks. It was...electrifying. After they pulled away, they stayed staring at each other. Sia’s chest was going up and down in a rhythmic pattern, and Hank was giving her an unreadable gaze. His hands were still settled at her sides. “I’m sorry, I-I should go-“ She said before being cut off by his lips on hers yet again. Khadasiah held his neck as he roughly pushed her against his closed door. All of their sexual frustration that has been building up was finally sleeping through the cracks. His hand was tangled in her soft curls. She was thanking God that she detangled it so she could actually run her finger through it, and Hank, for that matter. His calloused hands were everywhere under her shirt, causing shivers to go up her spine. She wouldn’t be caught dead in this kind of situation with her boss in any of her other jobs. She was feeling risky tonight.

Hank’s lips found hers, her jawline, her neck, and her collarbone. Khadasiah was a moaning mess under him, trying to move carefully yet speedily to match Hank’s movement. When his warm mouth was on her neck again, Khadasiah’s mouth formed an ‘O’ shape, and breathy noises came from her throat. He was just about to rip her shirt off before she pushed him away. Sia was a painting mess, as was Hank. He didn’t know what came over him. Sis cleared her throat before speaking.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sergeant.” She told him as she moved towards the door. He followed her, gently grabbing her arm before planting. final kiss. Hank was relieved when she kissed back. After she pulled way, Sia left the office. Jesus Christ. The next day would be very interesting.

[karazor--el]

Nicole Maines once offered lessons in becoming herself. Now, she becomes someone else for a living.

The Maine native first made headlines as an anonymous student who sued her school district in 2013 over bathroom discrimination. School officials had barred Maines, who is transgender, from using the women’s bathrooms. She won her case, and eventually went public to describe the experience in the family memoir Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family.

Maines’ activism also led to on-camera appearances in television and film discussing her experience as a transgender American. Her natural charisma also led to acting opportunities, including appearing as the first transgender superhero on American television with her role as Dreamer/Nia Nal on The CW series Supergirl, produced by Greg Berlanti. Last year, she also earned acclaim (and a Queerty Nomination) for her work as a vampire in the indie horror film Bit.

With her star on the rise, Queerty snagged some time to chat with Maines about the unusual trajectory of her life, her newfound acting career, and her survival lessons for the COVID-19 lockdown. Supergirl airs Sundays on The CW.

So, I must say, with everything going on I feel obligated to ask: how are you right now? Are you ok?

Thanks for asking. I’m really good. I came down to Austin; I’m staying with my parents. I try to keep myself busy any way I can. I’m playing lots of video games. I just re-downloaded Skyrim.

Oh yes.

I’m doing a playthrough. Always fun. I got Disney+, and they released the final season of Star Wars: Clone Wars, which was a big show when I was a kid. I love it, so I’m rewatching. It still holds up. It’s amazing. And I’m doing art with my tablet. I sit in bed and doodle away.

Maines as Dreamer in ‘Supergirl’

Sweet. So you’re one of the most prominent trans actors on television. I don’t want to call you a trans action hero; that makes you sound like an ATM.

[Laughter]

Trans superhero, yes.

What kind of responsibility is it to play a character like Dreamer, the first transgender superhero on TV?

I feel like being the first for anything has a certain amount of pressure. You’re setting where the bar is going to be. You want to set it as high as possible because you don’t want to be the one that messed up. It’s like oh, she messed up. No more trans superheroes!

[Laughter]

Right.

So I want to do so well so we can continue to have trans superheroes. Fortunately, the response has been responsible. People love Nia, the character. People who aren’t trans love the character, which is almost cooler than hearing that trans people love Dreamer. I was pretty sure that the response from the trans community would be very positive. My own reaction was so excited, so I knew the community would love it. But the number of cisgender people that come to me and say “Dreamer is my favorite character. She’s my favorite superhero.” Aside from her transness, she’s a really special character. She’s just awesome, and its been amazing to see people love her as much as they do.

It’s true. In looking at the show, what strikes me—you’re right—is that it’s not about her being trans. It’s about a woman in an extraordinary situation, who happens to be trans. It’s her relationships with characters like Kara and Brainy that are so relatable. She’s a woman finding her purpose.

Absolutely. It’s a true coming of age story. Her transness isn’t the biggest part of her story. Coming into Season 4, the biggest problem on her mind wasn’t her transness. It was seeing the future in her dreams and not knowing how to handle it.

She’s just trying to get through the day, yeah. It’s so simple that way. Nia has obviously been a huge part of defining your career. And you’re not even old.

Can that please be the headline?

[Laughter]

I’ll keep it in for sure. But this role, by the way, will follow you for the rest of your life. You will be forever associated with her. Is that daunting?

I mean, I think it’s exciting. It’s very exciting to craft this original character and see her thriving among all the major DC players. Crisis [a storyline that crossed over on The CW superhero shows] was so crazy for me. To watch it and see Dreamer, the first trans superhero, up there with Batwoman and Supergirl and The Flash. That was so cool. So I’m excited to have this character follow me. I’ve had so much fun. And I’m so attached to the character personally. I’m protective of her. She’s my baby.

That’s wonderful. You’re an actress who specializes in playing characters with extraordinary gifts. I want to ask about another character you played in a film called Bit.

Yes! Let’s talk about Bit.

It’s a cheeky, fun comic book horror film that you carry as the lead. You were nominated for Best Performance at the Queerties. I hope you are aware…

Yes, and I was so shocked, first of all, because it’s a genre film. So often, genre films don’t thrive in that kind of environment.

It took me by surprise at Outfest last year. I talked to Brad Michael Elmore, the director.

He’s one of my favorite people ever. He’s so smart and talented. He did such an amazing job writing this script. It’s so special. He’s very aware—and will be the first person to say–”I’m not the person who should be telling this story. I’m the straightest, cis guy out there. But I don’t see anyone else telling this story, so I’m going to.” And he did. He’s using his platform and privilege to lift people up. And he did a f*cking cool movie starring queer women.

Totally.

We had a female DP, which is huge. The whole movie was so amazing. The script was brilliant. Instantly, reading it, I fell in love. I hope people get to watch it soon. It’s just cool.

It’s cheeky fun. It’s kind of a female version of The Lost Boys, and I really related to the characters.

Yeah.

So it’s your first movie.

My first and only movie. I’m always on the phone with Brad. “Bradley, when are we making another movie? I’m getting bored.”

[Laughter]

So was it intimidating carrying the whole movie your first time out?

Terrifying. Dreadfully terrifying. I don’t know if anyone knew this, but I have no idea what I’m doing up here. I don’t have formal acting training. I’m not a Julliard actor. I haven’t been doing this for years. I show up and it’s like playing dress-up, you know? And on Supergirl too, I’m acting with juggernauts. It’s my first major [job] and I’m doing scenes with David Harewood. Cool, no pressure.

[Laughter]

I have to live up to something. I have to keep up with that. All of it is very scary. With Bit, trying to keep up with Diana Hopper and James Paxton. Most of my scenes are with them, and they are both so phenomenal. Acting is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever had to do. I have virtually no control over anything. I just try my best. And I’m really happy with Bit, and the response has been better than any of us could have asked for.

That’s marvelous.

It was supposed to be coming out soon, but the virus sort of threw that. I hope people get to see it soon, and I hope they get to see it in theatres.

It’s a film that I think will have a following. When I talked to Brad, he mentioned that he had read your book and consulted you doing research for the part. Then he decided he should cast you in the lead.

Yeah.

Were you at all reluctant to appear in a very queer film written by a cis straight man?

I didn’t really think much of it. The writing spoke for itself. It was phenomenal, well written, well researched. He’d talked to trans folks and read books. He knew what he was writing; he’d done his research to make sure it’s done well. And he made a movie where the trans character, like Nia, where her transness is not the only interesting thing about her. Brad knew: queer people are more than who we sleep with or where we use the bathroom.

Yes.

I found that very refreshing.

Well, and I’m not sure I should say this, but I did tell Brad: the first time I saw the movie I didn’t even catch that she was a trans character. I just thought Laurel was a woman played by an actress who happens to be trans, and that was it.

And that’s the beauty of it. It’s not something a lot of people are going to catch unless they’re looking for it. You catch it in certain places. It is there, and if you know to look for it, you understand. But otherwise, it’s not really pertinent to the situation. When we first meet her, with Laurel driving to Los Angeles, she’s passed a point in her life where her transness is her biggest issue.

Exactly.

Her biggest issue is her selfishness, and that now she has to kill people. She doesn’t want to kill people. It’s a story of a sort of amoral teen trans lesbian vampire.

I love it. When I talked to Brad, it was obvious he had this world very defined in his mind. Have you talked about doing another one? He hinted…

Yeah. It’s a possibility. Of course, I’m like yes, let’s do a trilogy. I want Bit Part II. I want to do all the movies. I have a running joke with him and James that Brad will be like 80 in a wheelchair, and James and I will be in Bit 16. We’ll never stop.

It worked for Star Wars.

I think it has the makings for a sequel, but first we need it frigging released.

So what else do you have coming up? I know Supergirl is coming back for Season 6. Are you part of it?

I believe that I can say I am, yes. I’m not going anywhere.

Beyond that? Other movies?

My life has just been Supergirl and Bit the past couple years. It’s funny: I see other folks doing other projects while they’re a regular on a series. And I’m like how do you have the time? It’s all I can do to get a night’s sleep. So right now it’s Bit coming out and Supergirl Season 6. I talked to the showrunner, and he told me what the plan is. I’m really excited. It’s a cool concept.

And I’m sure you can’t tell us what that is.

I can’t say anything.

It figures. Anything else you’d like to add?

Stay indoors. I feel like this could all be over sooner if people would just. Stop. Going. Outside. For stupid reasons.

Right?

Supergirl airs Sundays on The CW.

Queerty.

[nikvs-blog]

pov rp: i try to wink at u but i close both eyes like jinsoul in this gif <3 SBJDWBDJWBDJ hello im xan im 22 & from the est timezone i use she / her pronouns & ur watching disney channel. is this super late ? yea...but thats super on brand for me its fine its fun its sexy so * jugkook vc* let’s get it !

— jung jinsoul. she/her. cis female. | was that niko seo i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the twenty-two year old spends most of their time working as a waitress, but i’ve always just seen them scribbling poetry on napkins. they live in 3A and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of making wishes on falling stars, silk ribbons adorning messy ponytails, and breakfast at midnight.

BACKSTORY

so miss niko was born in a teeny tiny suburban town in north carolina to a pair of  young high school sweethearts ! unfortunately her mom passed away during childbirth so it was a very bittersweet arrival into the world for baby niko

her dad was a mechanic who never made it to college since his girlfriend got pregnant towards the end of their senior year. they got married before niko was born though because they were pretty serious abt raising her right but they never really got the chance to /: but her dad loved his job he loved working with cars & it was something his own dad did before him plus it was a job the town really valued since it was so tiny ( u really only needed one of everything )

when i say tiny i mean everyone knows everyone tiny. growing up the town kinda pitied niko bc of her mom dying so to compensate everyone kinda tried to do their part in raising her ! her neighbors were just as much of a parent to her as her own dad was, and everyone had stories abt her mom so niko kinda appreciated how small the town was.....sometimes

that changed as she got older ! when she started high school her dad kinda entered a rough patch & started drinking more with his buddies, started working less, and niko started getting calls from the sheriff at 2 am like “hey we’re gonna keep ur dad for the night he didnt do anything crazy but he got a little too drunk u can pick him up tomorrow” sort of thing 

she was there for him every time but it got kinda overwhelming knowing everyone was in her family's business & how much kids would gossip at school or adults would give her sad looks

basically she kinda just....became very disillusioned with her reality & began to realize no one around her was really.....happy or had big dreams and their entire lives revolved around this tiny town which scared her

but also ? it had started becoming her life, too. she was voted prom queen senior year, she had a job at a diner where the same people ate everyday, she’d been dating the same boy for four years and everyone talked about how they’d probably get married soon. she’d become exactly like everyone else without even realizing it....she didnt have some big dream.....she didnt even have plans for college she was just so stuck

and then disaster hit the summer after she graduated high school. her dad had crashed right into a tree on a rainy night trying to drive home after a night out drinking & died on impact. the news honestly didnt feel real to her until her grandparents were helping her clear out her house so she could come move in with them 

which is when she finds her mom’s old diary ! and boy was that thing . fat & juicy ... it had all four years worth of her mom’s high school years inside and niko became ...obsessed with it. all she did that summer her dad died was read her mom’s old diary learning more abt the woman from those pages than she ever had from the mouths of everyone in her town

 thats how she found out her mom had always dreamed of moving to some city like seattle and starting this new life once she found out she was pregnant with niko ! so niko was like ok this has to be a sign....told her grandparents she loved them but she couldnt stay in north carolina.....and boop ! she pretty much disappeared from the town, didnt tie up any lose ends ( including her bf of four years who she was kinda engaged to ? JSDBJBDJ ) because she just had to leave that bad. 

cue a scene on bus with niko looking out the window as some dramatic song abt new beginnings plays . JSDBJSBDJW seattle was truly her new start at 18 ... and all she wanted to do was just ... reinvent herself 

so she did ! first thing she did was get a job as a waitress bc uh ur girl was BROKE broke but she knew she was good at serving. the first year was.....pretty rough there’s no sugar coating it niko was struggling bad, probably living in some questionable apartment when she wasnt coach hopping at her coworker’s places. despite all this she was....insanely happy she really believed ( and still does ) seattle is magic !

she was working at a diner ironically, just like she had been back home, but this diner changed her life about a two years ago. one day one of her regulars ( a very well off lawyer who worked downtown ) told her she was way too pretty and charming to be serving at a place like this & that he had a buddy who owned an upscale restaurant near his job downtown & that he could probably get niko a job there if she wanted

so she was like UH hell yes....showed up the next day at this fancy restaurant, charmed the pants off the owner, and the rest ? is history !  she moved into hideaways a bit after getting this new job & has been there ever since <3

PERSONALITY + TIDBITS

personality wise niko is kinda ....hard to figure out. she doesnt do it on purpose, she’s just still learning about who she is and what she really wants. back home in north carolina she was kind of the small town golden girl, loved by everyone type of deal but also very romanticized by those around her ??? ppl thought she was brilliant and knew so much about everything when the truth was she just knew a little about a lot. she would read to escape the suburban boredom of her reality & took a special interest in things like art and poetry and astronomy. shes the type to want to share the stuff she’s learned with those around her

in seattle since no one knew her the way they did back home, niko decided she wanted to keep it that way. because of this and because shes so hesitant to talk about her family sometimes she can come across as mysterious but she’s a surprisingly open person !! she’s naturally super curious and friendly and she’s found it really helps to be the kind of person people want to get to know and trust when working in the service industry. she’s got the type of aura about her that makes you feel as if maybe you’ve known her forever, even if she’s only told you one thing about herself ( which is often the case) . can probably make anyone feel at home within five minutes of talking to her & you won’t even realize how she’s doing it. her boss swears she’s charming enough to sell honey to a bee ! 

she’s also got a flighty side though that comes out when you get too close. niko’s great at relationships when they aren’t deep, but the moment you start and figure her out and see past the smiley walls she’s got up she recoils fast. in a way she’s terrified of anyone knowing too much about her because she’s scared that once they do they’ll pity her, and niko can’t stand being pitied. she’s also super good at dishing out affection but not so good at receiving it. the type to fall in love then right back out of love in one day. kinda a heart breaker bc of this but she doesn't mean to be, she just gets infatuated kinda easily & isn’t very good at keeping things serious ever since literally running away from her long-time ex in north carolina JSBCSJBDJW 

some fun facts: she wants to get a cat and name it cat so bad but she’s not sure she’d be a good pet mom so she just settles for petting stray cats in public. 100% that weirdo crouching in the street making kissy noises because she saw a cat and wants to pet it. she can name just about every constellation & loves to sit outside and look at the stars on clear nights, usually while smoking a joint . she’s a hardcore lightweight .... im talking one tequila shot and she’s floored ... two glasses of wine and she’s taking her top off  then crying kinda deal like she CANNOT handle her liquor so she tries to keep partying to a minimum. she’s got a collection of napkins from work were people have scribbled their phone numbers onto as well as a collection of napkins niko herself has scribbled on. she mostly writes poems and sometimes she even leaves a napkin with a poem on it behind at a table like a little gift for whoever sits there next. she’s probably always writing poems for all her friends or infatuations so if you’re in her life....you’ve gotten one at some point ! 

the only thing she brought with her from north carolina were all her records. she’s got a pretty extensive collection that ranges from donna summer to louis armstrong to led zeppelin & when she finally got a record player of her own in seattle it was probably the best day of her life <3 she really likes to watch scary movies but also they scare her so bad so it’s a cycle of oh yes lets watch this.....fuck why did i do that.....im sleeping with the lights on rinse & repeat. she really likes to cook ! she learned at a pretty early age out of necessity but now she does it for her own pleasure also because of her growing interest / knowledge in the restaurant industry. her wardrobe is 95% thrifted and 5% stolen from miscellaneous people ( her dad, old boyfriends, hookups, friends, etc. ) is a notorious hoodie thief so dont lend her yours......

and this is WAY too long im.....so sorry this literally always happens aha <3 yes i ramble but thats bc . i have a lot to say and i also have a lot of love to give ! spare some plots ? we can im on tumblr but i am 100% easier to reach on discord  @ EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172 so hit me up there & lets get this show on the road baby ! 

[thatfunkyopossum]

Your explanation of cis did help! But I’m curious, what if you are just “male” or just “female.” Does that make you cis? Do you have to identify as cis if you feel like a complete male or female?

Well, first of all someone who identifies completely as male or female could be a cis man/woman or a trans man/woman, being cis is about the relationship between identity and the gender society expects you to have. I identify as 100% male, but I'm still trans. The only people who really get to decide if they're trans or not are NB (non binary, that is, people who lay outside the dichotomy of male/female) folks. If you are assigned "male" by society, and you identify as a man 100%, you are cis. If you are assigned "female" by society, and you identify 100% as a woman, you are cis. Whether or not a cis person considers being cis an important part of their identity is up to them, but they don't get to decide to reject the label of cis if they are cis. Now, there is NOTHING wrong with being cis. Absolutely nothing. Being cisgender is completely fine, and if that's what you are that's totally cool! All it means is that you need to be aware of what harmful cis-centric culture and language you may use or engage with. Hell, even trans people sometimes gotta think about that. If you are cis: 1. Never out a trans person without their explicit permission, and never violate their terms for being outed. If they say you can tell friends who you trust, don't tell strangers. 2. Never talk over a trans person in terms of trans issues. 3. Never assume you have permission to ask questions that would be inappropriate to ask cis people (DO NOT ASK ABOUT PEOPLE'S GENITALS ITS RUDE) 4. Spend like 3 days reading up on trans stuff written by trans people and watching videos by trans creators!!!IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!!!If you think you are cis, but you feel a little weird about it, or you're uncomfortable with the idea, or its unpleasant in any way, I STRONGLY encourage you to do some self exploration. This isn't me saying you're trans by any means, but maybe with some people you trust see how it feels to be called by a name that isn't associated with the gender you are, and how it feels to use different pronouns for yourself for a while in those circles. (It'll feel weird at first, give it like a week or two) If you really are cis, that's totally cool, congratulations! You now know more about yourself and you're sure that you are what you are! You have a deeper understanding of your gender identity.If you find you like it... Well, congratulations welcome to the club! It can be really scary, and you'll probably feel like you're faking it at first. That's ok! If this is your truth, take your time. You have all the time in the world. I hope this helped!

[nakhavanfys]

Storytelling is a form of Education

Storytelling goes beyond what the realm of academia strives for, putting what you learn, to use in the real world. With stories, what? Shocker, right? But it’s something we are all accustomed to. We remember stories we heard when we were kids and often can recount them with the same vigor it was told to us. How is it that things like storytelling and creative writing often stay with us more? To me, it’s the emotion that’s attached to it. The emotion that is often stripped from conventional learning styles. I understand and respect that it’s academia’s job to make sure lessons are as straightforward and factual as possible, to not risk chance of ambiguity or hidden meaning. But it’s those qualities of analyzing and finding what a story means to you within creative writing that brings stories to life and make them so emotional and relatable.

The importance of storytelling, though, is much more than just because ‘it sticks with us.’ Its importance comes from the fact that the combination of learning and emotional connection sets up a platform that is vital for the movement and progression of social activism, especially that of the feminist agenda. Creative writing for feminism is crucial in the attempt of having other people understand or at least be aware of what feminists are fighting for within this group. This is supported by none other than the amazing Audre Lorde. Lorde expresses in “Poetry is not a Luxury,” the importance of poetry, especially to women. Poetry, to Lorde, is necessary for women to express themselves. “[B]lack mothers in each of us-the poet whispers in our dreams, I feel therefore I can be free.” Creative writing gives a sense and a longing that womxn crave for in society. She says, “[p]oetry coins the language to express and charter this revolutionary awareness and demand, the implementation of that freedom.” Feminism therefore is incomplete without creative writing.

Storytelling is one of the main pillars of the feminist movement because it allows for self-expression as well as enlightenment on what is happening to womxn and people of various identifiers who are part of the feminist group. Self-expression through stories/poems/prose/essays/books on sexual assault, workplace misconduct, microagressions, or even simply describing a life filled with sexism, also the effects of racism and homophobia that also find themselves within the category of feminism, lead to others, either relating to those stories or at least seeing the truth. All these pieces are what advance the agenda and allow for change to happen because people become moved by words and the emotion attached to each piece of writing. These accounts no longer just become statistics and facts to learn in the classroom, they become real life. It’s like what kids always argue in math class, “are we ever gonna use this in real life?” Yes. The answer is yes because it’s happening all around us. And this needs to keep happening. Why? Because creative writing invites voice of those who are not always heard.

I appreciate the voices and faces I see on tv because they are fighting the good fight and are using their platform to bring about awareness to the feminist agenda. But they don’t look like who I see when I turn towards the mirror, or they don’t look like how some of my friends look, or how a large population of the united states looks like or speak in such a way that can be accessible to a bigger audience. By no means am I shaming them, I am grateful for what they do and am proud to be a feminist along with them. It’s more an issue of the media and how it caters to a specific audience, a white cis-women audience. But, creative writing calls upon voices of every identifying race, gender, and class. This is especially important for the inclusion of immigrants and first generation Americans to become more fluent in western ideas of feminism.

The entire audience of immigrants and children of immigrants are often excluded in the activism of western feminism because sometimes they simply can’t relate to what’s being said in songs or done in the streets on the same level other people do with the U.S., and that most of the time it is due to the fact of cultural differences. I can speak from experience, being a first generation American from a Persian background and household. I at times found a struggle explaining to my parents why certain modes of activism were necessary in our society, as well as had to explain to classmates on why certain actions people in Iran did during the Revolution were strong assertions rebelling the government and its oppression of women. To my parents, making blunt statements about the patriarchy and correcting a sexist male teacher maybe seen as rude and inappropriate to them but to others that was seen as an accomplishment. Or explaining why women who were forced to wear hijabs in Iran during the Revolution and purposefully ripped them off in front of the military officers to my classmates may be seen as an odd thing to do but to the citizens and victims of the Revolution, that was seen as an act of bravery bound to bring any Persian to tears…

It’s through creative pieces like that of people such as Carmen Maria Machado’s “The Husband Stitch,” that unify the differing backgrounds and makes connections cross-culturally for the advancement of the feminist agenda. “The Husband Stitch” follows the narration of a woman, describing her life and her struggles of being open with her loved ones as she is on guard about certain aspects of her life, such as the green ribbon tied around her neck. Her narration is supported through other universal scary stories known to many of us not only for the sake of creativity but the fact that we are familiar with those other stories woven into this new one, thus making the bridging of connections easier to make and calls for better understanding of what’s happening in the story. This makes her piece accessible and invites readers to feel for or at least empathize what the main character is struggling with.

My point being, to put it in a blunt statement, is that people remember stories more than they do most of their classroom lectures. And stories, fictional or nonfictional, cater to a larger and more captivated audience. Stories have movement that take you down an analytical path that activates various parts of what makes us human; our emotion and our thoughts. Accounts of one’s life has sparked some of the most powerful movements within history. Take these shared stories and treat them as a privilege, because they will not only change you, they may change the world.

[bispec-remade]

hi! sorry to bother you out of the blue, but i saw yr post on bisexual identity & i was wondering if you had any advice for someone questioning? i've id'd as a nb lesbian for a few years, but i recently came to the realization that that's never really felt Right or Comfortable & i've consistently felt disconnected from it. i think i might be a bi trans guy, but trying to unravel my feelings about men when i've spent years avoiding the hell out of them is..Hard, to say the least, especially (1/2)

when most questioning resources are specifically directed at people who are cis and bi, or just talk about transness as hearing trans guys exist and knowing you were one immediately/consciously wanted to be a boy as a kid all the time or w/e. you don’t have to answer this if it’s a lot/too personal!! sorry!!!! (2/2)

i can’t really speak for everyone on the process of questioning, but i can certainly speak for myself. i think it might help you to hear a little bit about how i’ve identified over the years, and what i largely struggled with in figuring out my identity. while it isn’t exactly concrete advice, you might find a little piece of your own truth in what i have to say about my own questioning process. i’ve done a lot of introspection on my identity as well as the journey my gender and sexuality has taken over the years, so i have a lot of thoughts regarding the entire process.

just as a warning: this is about 3,000 words of text, and most of the more general advice will be at the end of this. i also. barely proofread this so apologies if some of what i say lacks clarity.

over the past four or five years that i’ve identified as someone who’s part of the lgbt+ community, i have identified as all sorts of things under the umbrella. lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, so on and so forth. right now, i identify as a bisexual trans guy, and it’s the most comfortable i have ever been with an identity. but it’s taken me a lot of exploration for me to get to this point. largely due to a struggle with an aversion to manhood, a struggle with community, a struggle between gender and sexuality, and a struggle with other’s perceptions.

see, the last time i identified as bisexual (aside from right now of course) was actually the first time i identified as anything within the community. but it always felt fake somehow, like i was maybe faking my attraction to girls (i thought myself to be a cisgender girls) in order to feel special somehow. it was brief, and it was always just a fleeting thought, a “what if”. i never really solidly identified as bisexual at the time, and i lacked the knowledge of what attraction felt like to know if i was attracted to girls.

and then, that possibility that i might be bisexual all got tossed out the window when i realized that i wasn’t cis in 2014. after that, i didn’t identify as bisexual for a very, very long time, but i never went back to identifying as cis either. it was my first genuine exploration in the lgbt+ community, where i concretely identified within the community. i identified as nonbinary for one month, before i realized that i was actually more comfortable identifying as a trans guy. a gay trans guy to be specific. i can’t really explain why identifying as a trans guy felt right, it just did. it wasn’t really an “aha”, more like an “i like identifying this way, it feels comfortable”. i’m also not sure why i wrote off the thought that i might be attracted to women. maybe because i had a much more concrete and sure identity in my transness, and i no longer felt the need to evaluate if i was attracted to women or not.

i think i identified as a gay trans guy for the longest. around two years. really, the only thing that changed in that time period was that my gender started to feel less and less binary with time, and so i saw myself as a gay nonbinary guy. but then, one day, i started considering a different possibility. what if i was a nonbinary lesbian? which sounds strange of course, because “lesbian” is multiple leaps from “gay guy”. not only does it mean aligning with a different gender, but it means being attracted to women (which gay men are not), and not being attracted to men (which gay men are). and honestly, i’m not sure quite how it happened. i think it was just a convenient alignment of changes in how i viewed myself. i was starting to notice that i was maybe attracted to girls beyond a mere “what if”, and certain events taking place at this time made me kind of disillusioned by manhood (putting both my attraction to men and my identity as a man into question).

and so began what i call my flip flop period, where i switched between nonbinary lesbian and gay trans guy about 6 times. and yes, that is a LOT of times to be making that kind of flip in identity. to summarize, it was…gay trans guy (two years, which i already talked about) to they/them nb lesbian (for a month, and they/them pronouns because while i had heard about lesbians using he/him pronouns at the time but i was too scared to identify as such) to gay trans guy (because i missed using he/him pronouns and because it was scary and unfamiliar identifying as a lesbian) to he/him nb lesbian (where i was comfortable identify as a lesbian and using he/him pronouns) to gay trans guy (partially in response to backlash for identifying as a he/him lesbian) to he/him nb lesbian (for over 6 months) to a very ambiguous questioning period where i didn’t really identify as anything (which i’ll talk about later). all in all, about two years.

yeah. it’s a lot, i know. and at this point, you might start wondering, “if you were constantly switching between believing you were attracted to men and believing you were attracted to women, then why the hell did you never consider bisexuality?” and…now we get to the thought process that had secretly been running underneath my questioning process the entire time. my desire to feel accepted by the community. you can see it in how i viewed my gender as well as how i viewed my sexuality.

i think at some point, my identity sort of became this tug of war between what felt right for me, and what i felt like the lgbt+ community and wider society would accept (which was fueled by my own internal biases). and in questioning, i think people really need to be honest with themselves about what their particular hangups with identifying as something are. it requires serious introspection. and for me, it required introspection on why i was hesitant to identify as a lesbian, a trans guy, and bisexual. because for me, each identity had its merit and it wasn’t so simple to figure out which was most comfortable for me. a lot of people tell you “identify as what feels the most comfortable to you!” but sometimes, it isn’t so simple to find what’s most comfortable for you. sometimes you have to actively work towards letting yourself feel comfortable in an identity, especially with all sorts of internalized bigotry that you might be struggling with.

i struggled between these three identities so much (enough that i didn’t even consider the third an option for three entire years) because i was treating it like a pros and cons kind of thing. the benefits of identifying as this, and the disadvantages. which can be a way to approach questioning of course. but it isn’t the best way to do so if you’re also factoring other people’s perceptions into the equation. and when you compare identities like that, it also becomes a sort of issue of “i’ll settle for this one because it’s the most comfortable, even if it doesn’t really work perfectly”.

so, what were my hang-ups with each identity? well, with identifying as a lesbian, the issue was that while i did feel a sense of community stronger than i felt with any other community, a sense of belonging, it meant identifying with womanhood to a greater degree than i really wanted to. and then there was the issue of me most comfortably identifying as a lesbian using he/him pronouns, which is an extremely controversial topic as you might know (i still remain wholly in support of lesbians using he/him pronouns, even if the identity didn’t personally work for me). hell, i even got anonymous hate because of identifying as such. and then there was the fact that i couldn’t imagine a reality where i could actually be out as a nonbinary lesbian using he/him pronouns. transitioning or not transitioning would mean a certain inherent level of dishonesty about my identity.

with identifying as a trans guy, it was…well, once i started identifying as a lesbian at a time that i was already sort of wary of manhood, but i started building an even more and more negative mindset towards manhood (both identifying as a man and being attracted to men). the thought of identifying as a man made me feel guilty. it was even more difficult for me because at one point, i was so averse to men that i was fairly sure that i was completely unattracted to men, though still open to the possibility of being a man. and at some point, i accepted that i was absolutely attracted to women, regardless of my gender. and the thought that i might be a straight man made me feel. disgusted, honestly. i tried identifying as a possibly straight trans guy for maybe two days, but. that flopped very quickly because i could barely think about being attracted to a woman for two seconds because i felt guilty for being attracted to woman as a man. this isn’t to say that straight trans guys aren’t valid, but i was dealing with my own shit at the time, and that was just how i saw things. it’s. complicated, and personal, so it’s hard to really explain in words, but the combination of my aversion to men and my aversion towards the thought of men’s attraction to women made things tough. and while i completely understand why people would be averse to manhood (and i still am myself, to some degree) it was extremely toxic to my own questioning process.

which brings me to the third one, which my mind was subconsciously putting out of my mind as a choice. bisexuality. i…it’s hard to really explain my feelings towards bisexuality. that post you mentioned, about bisexual identity? i largely wrote that based on my own previous perceptions of bisexuality. i feel like the reason it resonates with so many people is because i was speaking for my own internalized biphobia. and i’m not proud of it, but it was definitely a thing. for some, bisexuality comes this inherent feeling of not belonging, of loneliness. as if you’re identity is not enough, or that it’s too much.

to keep it short before i start waxing poetic: i think i couldn’t handle the thought of being attracted to multiple genders at once. at having a “straight” and “gay” part of my identity. and this perception is the way a lot of people view bisexuality, even if they openly say that you shouldn’t see bisexuality as “straight” + “gay”. bisexuality is often seen as “part you should be proud of” + “part you shouldn’t be proud of” by wider society and the lgbt+ community, and i. couldn’t accept that. so i never thought of my attraction to men (from when i identified as gay) and (my attraction to women from when i identified as lesbian) as possible pieces of a bisexual identity. it was one or the other, and my mind was subconsciously nudging myself towards an identity where i felt entirely within the lgbt+ community. not to say bisexual people aren’t entirely within the lgbt+ community, but the internalized biphobia i was struggling with felt that that was how i would be viewed if i identified as bisexual. so i didn’t.

so, how did i settle on my current identity as a bisexual trans guy? well, first of all, i was honest to myself. like i mentioned, i pulled all of my thought processes as for why i did and did not want to identify as certain things into the limelight. including the ones about bisexuality. then, i saw just how much my identity relied on the perception of others, and how much distress that was causing me. so i decided to think about things not in terms of how others would view my identity, but in terms of what felt genuinely comfortable. i forgot about how i would be viewed if i was a nonbinary lesbian using he/him pronouns, i forgot about my aversion to men and what it means to be a man in this society, and i forgot about how bisexual identity is unfortunately often viewed in fragments.

but i didn’t come to a conclusion immediately. actually, for a solid month or two, i let myself drift. i chose to not identify as anything, to see where my normal interactions with the world would point me. starting with a blank slate so to say, and trying to view my feelings outside of the context of society. merely looking at someone and saying “hm, she is attractive” instead of “hm, she is attractive  but how would i feel about my attraction to her if i was a man”. or, “hm, i do still like he/him pronouns as i always have” instead of “hm, i do still like he/him pronouns as i always have but how would i be viewed if i identified a lesbian”. or “hm, that man is attractive” instead of “hm, that man is attractive but can you trust him when you’ve been mistreated by men so many times in the past?” it’s hard to do, but it gives you the most honest and comfortable understanding of your identity. finding the box that fits you first, instead of trying to find the box that fits you and that fits society.

i first tried to understand my sexuality, because it felt a little more objective to me. viewing things in the way i was, with this clean slate, it was an either “you are or you aren’t attracted to them” sort of thing. plus, my gender is sort of innately tied to my sexuality (thanks to that nonbinary element of my gender), so i had to get sexuality pinned before i could pin down by gender. and what i found was that. well, i’m bisexual. i am definitely confident in my attraction to all genders, though i still view my attraction to different genders in different ways.

as for my gender, it took a little bit of time once i had the bisexual part of my identity down. i knew i probably wasn’t a bisexual woman, as i couldn’t really see an element of womanhood to my gender with the knowledge that i was attracted to men (update as of 05.12.19: i no longer view things this way, and i do have an element of womanhood to my gender). so it was more of a problem of how nonbinary i was. because my nonbinary identity is probably the thing i’ve been most confident in this entire time. i do not entirely identify as a certain gender, and i haven’t for a long time. that part has stayed the same. but how comfortable was i identifying with manhood, if at all? and…i sort of eased into it. first privately identifying as bi and nonbinary. and then bi and nonbinary with maybe a slight inclination for manhood. and soon, my identity got more and more male with time. so now i pretty confidently identify as a bisexual trans guy, with the nonbinary element of my gender being more personal than an explicitly stated part of my identity.

and that was my entire journey with exploring gender and sexuality! i guess some things i’d like to leave this off with that actually serve as proper advice are…

don’t be afraid to try things out. quite frankly, even though none of my previous identities (bi cis girl, gay trans guy, nonbinary lesbian) ended up being right for me, they were still extremely important to my personal journey, and i openly embrace those times i identified as such. for example, identifying as a nonbinary lesbian was necessary for me to even accept that i could be attracted to woman, but i do NOT see that identity as a stepping stone towards my current identity. in that time, i genuinely identified as nonbinary lesbian. that was my reality. it just so happens that my reality from back then helped fuel my reality today. and maybe some day i’ll find a more comfortable identity than that of a bisexual trans guy. i’m open to the possibility, but right now, i’m living my most comfortable reality. (update as of 05.12.19: i actually did find a more comfortable identity! i find myself identifying with both bisexual manhood and bisexual womanhood right now, so i consider myself bigender. there is still the element of me that remains a bisexual man of course. though i have since reconsidered my identity, what i have said here still stands.)

try not to worry about what others think so much. identify as what’s comfortable for you. no matter what you identify as, no matter what ends up being comfortable for you, there’s the sad reality will always someone who takes issue with it, even if you end up not identifying as lgbt+ in the end. but the happy reality? there will always be a community of people willing to accept your identity, and you WILL find them even if you don’t have that community right now. in a really weird way, i find it a little comforting that there’ll be haters and lovers out there no matter what i identify as. it means i’m free to identify the way that’s comfortable for me. because hell, those come with EVERY identity. so please don’t feel tethered down by the expectations of the community that currently surrounds you. do what feels right for you, and then find the people who will accept you for it afterwards.

don’t be afraid to go without a label. i personally find comfort in labels, which is why i only temporarily went without a label to help myself through the questioning process. but it is still completely an option to simply exist, and it can be really freeing to do so. sure, there is no community called the no label community, and even communities centered on ambiguity of gender/sexual orientation gather around a specific label, but you don’t really need an X community or a Y community to be happy. communities gathering under labels can be great ways to easily meet people with similar experiences, but you can just as easily find people with similar experiences outside of communities. hell, some of the people i relate to the most when it comes to gender and sexuality don’t even identify as bisexual people or trans men. so if you’re scared of missing out on community if you choose to abandon labels altogether, then i assure you that it is completely possible to find community anywhere and with any identity (or lack thereof).

thank you very much for the question, and i am extremely touched that you saw me as someone to ask about this sort of thing. i myself know quite well just how frustrating the internal struggle you’re going through is, and i really do wish there were more resources for this kind of thing. it’s such a deeply personal process and yet i’ve seen so many people struggle with the exact same things i struggled with. this was probably a lot to absorb, but i hope shedding light on my own experiences perhaps offered you a bit of insight on yourself, if not concrete advice on how to approach questioning. i wish you luck in figuring things out!

[voyages-extraordinaires]

C:R ~VE~ Chapter 42

I feel numb as I fumble with the buttons of my coat, cursing until Cardia walks over and finishes the job for me. I offer her a ‘thank you’ smile, and she puts her hand on my arm reassuringly.

“Don’t you two look nice ‘n toasty!” Barbicane puts his hands on his hips as he walks into the room where we’re preparing to disembark. “Like a pair of marshmallows!”

Behind him is Ned Land, a frown on his face and his eyebrows furrowed.

I glance over at Barbicane and nod. “You told him about Conseil, didn’t you?”

Barbicane shrugged. “Sure did! He’s been moping ever since.”

“I’m not ungrateful or anythin’ like that,” Ned shakes his head. “I just... look, you told me he’s here, right? But where is he? I gotta see him ta’ know that he’s safe, you know?”

I nod, knowing all-too-well the feelings that he’s experiencing. I’m feeling them myself for Conseil, of course, but a flood of guilt enhances my melancholy when I hear Ned’s words. Conseil, my friend who I had thought was in terrible danger until a little while ago, is not the one on my mind.

The doors behind us open again and I turn, hoping that maybe it would be Nemo sauntering through.

But it’s Cyrene Smith that walks into the room, her eyes wide as she tries to see our faces past our fur-lined hoods. When she realizes who I am, she gives me a wide smile. “Professor Aronnax!”

“Smith!”

Relief upon seeing one of my friends safe is like a balm for my anxiety, and in gratitude and happiness I run to the woman’s open arms and give her a tight hug.

“Professor, it’s so good to see you again!” she gives me a firm squeeze.

“Rini-chan, you’re safe!” Barbicane runs over and hugs both Smith and I. “Man, when we saw that photo of you, we were so freaked out!”

“Professor Barbicane and Cardia, too! I’m so glad to see you again... when I woke up I thought I was a goner for sure. It was Aleister...! I should’ve been more careful, I should’ve realized that there were people on Lincoln Island that were loyal to him!” Smith grits her teeth. “Damnit!”

I shake my head. “Even if you had been cautious, Aleister probably still would have known. There’s something wrong with that man, I don’t think he’s entirely human.”

“Noooooot very niiiiiiiiiice to talk about people behind their backs, Arronaaaaaaaax...”

“Professor Nemo!” Smith whirls around and hugs her ‘sensei’. They clap each other heartily on the back, but then I see Smith stiffen when she peers over Nemo’s shoulder.

“Aleister...”

Aleister walks into the room, nodding to Smith as he passes her.

“It would seeeeem that everyone is here, Aleisteeeeeeer! So, let’s hurry and go see this technological wooooonder!” Nemo gestures excitedly and with such ferocity that I’m afraid he’ll topple over, but Smith steadies him, though her smile is gone. She’s come to the same conclusion that I have-- Nemo has willingly put himself under Aleister’s thumb.

“No, not everyone’s here!” Ned grips his hands into fist. “Where’s Conseil?!”

Everybody turns their gazes towards Aleister, but it’s Nemo who speaks up with a giggle: “Ohhhhh, not to worry, noooooot to wooooorry! He’s safe and sound in a cozy holding cell. He just simply wouldn’t stop running at me, you seeeeee... actually....”

Nemo turns towards me with a mask of a smile. “He reminded me a bit of you, Aronnax...! Not listening to reason nor explanation, letting your passions get ahead of your rationality... ohhh, it’d be pre-ci-ous if it weren’t sooooo...”

His smile disappears.

“Foolish.”

I see his eyes narrow behind the sheen of his goggles before he turns towards Barbicane, his smile back to its usual shape. “Beeeeest friends really are alike, aren’t they, Impeeeeeeeey Barbicaaaaaaaaaane?”

“If you mean something like ‘best friends are always looking out for those they care about’, then yeah. Yeah they are,” Barbicane crosses his arms and shifts from one foot to the other as he looks at Nemo, who just responds by giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

I ignore Nemo’s cruel words and say: “Take me to him.”

Nemo straightens up for just a moment, his lips slack with surprise as he turns towards Aleister.

“Nemo!” I direct his attention back to me, and he stumbles back with his teeth grit in agitation.

“Please,” I continue. “You know where Conseil is, right? Please, take me to him.”

Nemo just stares before finally letting out a deep sigh and waving his arm dismissively. “Fine, fiiiiiine... Aleister, don’t show them anything tooooooooooo exciting without meeee...”

“Of course not, Nemo-kun,” says Aleister, his voice gentle and reassuring. “I’ll just take them out into the main hangar.”

Nemo smiles at Aleister before turning and sauntering out the door, leaving me to face his back as I follow him.

Once we get a good distance away, I call out his name. He keeps on walking, silent. I quicken my pace to catch up to him.

“Nemo! Nemo, we have to talk. Please, listen to me!”

I reach out and gently put my hand on his shoulder. He stiffens, and it makes my chest feel hollow. Before he would always seem to melt at my touch, lean into me, slump comfortingly, give me a gentle smile...

But this time he turns around with a stare that freezes my heart.

“N... Nemo?”

He’s silent, save a shuddering breath, as he takes a step towards me, forcing me back against the wall without even touching me.

Nemo’s palms connect with the wall with a resounding boom, one on either side of my head. He’s so close to me that, in happier times, we would have rubbed our noses together.

He doesn’t say anything. I don’t know how he’s being so quiet, normally he’s bursting with volume! But he’s just staring at me, his eyes so wide that I can see that beautiful lavender boring into me like steel.

The silence is only interrupted by me suddenly remembering to breathe.

“Why... aren’t you understanding me...?” I hear Nemo finally speak.

It was a wheeze, a plea barely vocalized in that choking silence.

I want so badly to reach out and touch him, to hold him to my chest and tell him that we’ll be all right. We’ll be all right.

But his expression is so frightening, and his silence makes my ears burn.

I finally look away and say: “You’re scary when you’re quiet, Nemo...”

He’s still for a moment longer before suddenly lurching forward, making me flinch with a pathetic whimper.

But when he can get no closer, his lips split into an awful smile and he slowly stumbles back.

“Come, cooooome, Aronnax... we shouldn’t keep your friend waaaaiiiting...”

He’s back to his jovial self, humming as he walks onward. But that smile has so much malevolence seeping through that it hurts to look.

I realize that I’m shivering as I follow him, and I try to give myself some comfort by hugging myself as we go deeper into the airship. I remember how warm I felt when we walked beside each other, but now I’m completely alone.

“Professor!”

Conseil runs to the bars of the holding cell, ragged and tired but with relieved tears flooding his eyes. His fingers are trembling as they reach out towards me, and his tears begin rolling down his cheeks when he realizes how separated we are.

“Professor, I...” he shakes his head. “I never meant...”

He falls back into the shadows of his cell, shaking his head. “The last time I saw you, I...”

I interrupt him by quickly shaking my head. “We can talk later. Right now let’s get you out of here.”

Conseil’s eyes roam from me to the man standing behind me, and he grits his teeth.

“You really think that man will let me go?” he asks.

I look back at Nemo, a frown forming on my face. “He shouldn’t have any reason not to, provided you don’t attack him again.”

“Again?” Conseil raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t attack him! All I did was ask what he did to you--!”

I shudder before Conseil even finishes speaking.

Conseil’s words slow, and it almost looks like it hurts him to tell me this: “All I did was ask where you were, Professor, and then he locked me in here.”

I don’t want to look behind me, but I owe it to Conseil. I owe it to myself. I slowly turn towards the man I love. He’s leaning against the back wall, his head tilted backwards as he takes in the scene.

His giggle is awful.

“Myyyy... thinking back on it... it diiiiiid go something like that, diiiiidn’t it...?”

I take a few steps over to him and clench my fists, whispering so only he can hear: “Why would you do that?”

Nemo raises an eyebrow. “He hired a bounty hunter to kill me, Aronnax. Or did you forgeeeeeeeeet...?”

“Of course I didn’t forget!” I raise my voice. “He tried to kill the man I love!”

Nemo’s breath hitches, so I repeat it: “I love you, Nemo. Did YOU forget THAT?”

The only thing that could tear me away from this stand down is the sound of Conseil’s choked sobs.

“I never meant to...”

Nemo and I look over at Conseil.

“I really don’t want to kill him,” he says. “I don’t want to kill anyone. I just want to protect you, Professor!”

“How troublesooooome...” Nemo mutters. He saunters over to Conseil and pokes him in the forehead. “You’re going oooooon and oooooon about what you think is best for her without liiiiiiiiiiistening to what she wants!”

I flush as though I’m the one being scolded. It’s then that I notice that, behind the goggles, Nemo’s eyes aren’t on Conseil.

He’s staring at me as he speaks.

No, our scenario is completely different. Aleister is completely different!

But my posture relaxes as Nemo unlocks the cell.

“I’m sure the two of you have much to reminiiiiisce about... but let’s not keep Aleister and the others waitiiiiiing...”

As Nemo begins to walk away, I reach out and grab him by his jacket.

He slowly looks over his shoulder at me.

I want to say something, but no words come, so we just stare at one another until Nemo laughs and yanks his jacket out of my grip.

“Cliiiingy giiiirl...” he lilts as he walks away.

“Professor?”

I hear the cell door open with a creak, but my vision blurs as tears fill my eyes.

“Professor, it’s okay.”

I feel Conseil’s gentle hands on my shoulders.

“It will be okay, Professor. I promise. Everything will be okay.”

[setabane]

THE QUEER YOUTH OF BOTSWANA AND THEIR SUBVERSION OF HETERONORMATIVE SOCIETAL CULTURE

Words: Cassim Cassim

Over the past decades, queer people had to bridge themselves to the real world by elevating themselves to be seen. Steadily, what once was unprecedented becomes the new norm, the introduction and awareness of sexualities, gender, pronouns and everything in between becomes the new norm, and with the help of GenZ, centennials in Botswana become advocates and instigators for what needs to be, and subvert what is imbedded in the minds of Batswana. SETABANE had the privilege to interview 8 centennials that are challenging Botswana’s society and taking it by storm. 

As an Editor, it brings immense satisfaction and jubilation to realize that behind the old generation follows a generation that will carry a legacy that will have every entity equal and seen. The decision to publish this campaign comes after the chain of discern that GenZ carries most of the societal standards and culture Botswana obeys. These are the people who will lead this country into equality and queer pride.

Thebe 17, he/him, queer How do you contribute towards dismantling traditions and views against being queer in Botswana?

In Botswana, I honestly feel we have a huge problem with following what had been the norm for ages and I believe that I put great interest into expressing myself regardless of my gender, background etc. I normally present this through the art of acting, it’s my greatest passion.

Tell me your views on fem-phobia within the queer community in Botswana?

It’s a tragedy that even within our own community we bring down our own, I feel that it’s a thing of retrospecting what we have and can achieve as a community united rather than discriminating against each other. It could take us very far.

What do you think about Botswana’s gay culture?

I still think that we’re growing but what we have is beautiful and will surely blossom into something more beautiful, we’re very unique and i can’t wait till everyone in Botswana can see who exactly we are.

Leilani 16, she/her, bisexual

How is it navigating yourself as a young bisexual woman?

As a young bisexual women navigating myself as an individual is difficult because I have been told that i am confused because society is fixed on life only being one way, which therefore puts me in a situation whereby i think i’m confused or “going through a phase”. Being Bisexual has taught me to enjoy the best of both worlds and taught me to balance two different worlds.

What are your thoughts on the fetishization of bisexuality in women?

It needs to stop because being bisexual should not make you think we are your objects and you can toy around with us. The way media portrays bisexual women as confused or that we are not taken seriously but being bisexual is real and we are not toys. One thing that I personally think people lack education about Bisexuality.

What do you think Botswana’s youth has in common?

Botswana’s youth has somewhat a sense of acceptance to an extent and are free to do whatever makes them feel happy and not caring what so and so has to say.

What is your advice for a young Queer Motswana reading this? My advice to young/old queer Motswana is take your time when finding your sexuality, don’t be afraid to experiment but at the same time don’t use us as objects. If you are afraid, there is a whole community of people who have their arms open to support you and take your time.

Peaches 18, she/her, pansexual

How has your sexuality affected your way of living?

I have tried to come out to my parents before but it did not go well. My parents were considering kicking me out of the house because they wanted a "normal daughter". I had to tell them I was lying in order to keep a roof over my head. I can only be myself when I'm at school, because there, no one really cares what you do. But with my family, I have to hide who I am.

What are some of the glories and hardships being a Queer woman in Botswana?

I have not had a lot of glories but one I can mention is finally figuring out who I am, where I'm from, and where I'm headed, and coming to terms with it. Accepting myself. I feel this is the most important step, loving yourself. No one is gonna do it for you so do what makes you happy. The hardest thing for me to do was to hide my sexuality from my family. It's very scary to fear what other people think and then also have to deal with judgements from your own family. It hurts how I have to smile like I'm okay even when I'm not. For some reason, queers think they need the validation and acceptance of society in order to live freely but the truth is we don't. We submit ourselves to opinions of people we do not even need. Why? Do you think Botswana will be a battleground or a safe haven for queer people in the future? I personally think Botswana will forever be a battleground for queer people. I say this because we hate against each other within the queer community, so why would we expect outsiders to accept us if we can't do the same with each other? Also, we are forever told how "wrong" or "lost" we are for being who we are. Everyone will always be entitled to their opinion, it's either you listen to it and be miserable or just don't care and do you. Be You Do You For You

Son 17, they/them, polysexual

How does being queer and in love feel in Botswana

On one hand it can feel a bit scary as Botswana is still a bit behind on the progression towards accepting queer folk. We can never be sure that the people around us will be natural and calm rather than be queer-phobic and violent. it doesn’t always feel safe to physically express this love in public. However, when we are in a safe space, expressing our love for each-other comes easily.

What are your experiences living outside of the Binary?

Honestly, hardly any different from when I thought I did fit into the binary. I do not feel any connection to the binary in regards to my gender identity, and never have, so putting a label on what I feel didn't really change much aside from allowing myself to achieve deeper self understanding. The way the people around me perceived me barely changed either. I'm used to people making assumptions about my gender identity based on my gender presentation, and while I'm glad I haven't encountered any blatant transphobes, people’s assumptions do sometimes make me feel uncomfortable.

Who are some of your inspirations and role models?

BTS, artists who are unafraid to talk about social issues, equality, injustice and self love, Amandla Stenberg, who played a huge role in the discovery of my gender identity, and a poet I came across recently who goes by the pen name tireless_hope, whose work i’m simply in love with. They’re all young artists who have achieved so much but still show so much humanness within them. They don't try to appeal to what people expect of them but rather what they want for themselves, and consuming these people’s art always fills me with a zeal for life

What do you think about the erasure of non-binary people?

In a way it hurts, to exist in a society that treats us like we are invisible and refuses to let us voice out on matters regarding our identities and trans identities in general because we are supposedly non-existent. It’s upsetting that identities that have always been around are getting passed off as “strange”,  “new” and even “non-existent” by cis-het people, and even some LGBTQ+ folk. It’s especially upsetting to me when POC take part in non-binary erasure because it is based heavily in eurocentrism and only benefits the oppressor. Hopefully with the spread of knowledge people will open their minds and educate themselves to prevent this from happening.

Bynx 17, he/they, panromantic grey-asexual

What are your thoughts on the gender binary?

Personally, I think a strict gender binary isn't really necessary. I can understand when people say it's needed in terms of the medical field - but again, that's not much help when women constantly go without getting adequate medical treatment because of gender discrimination but that's a whole other can of worms to open. i feel like a lot of people forget the gender binary was only really brought on after colonialism. there's a lot of sources that confirm that many African tribes as well as Native American ones believed in other-gender and two-spirit people, and its sad to see when people from these cultures talk about going back to their roots or preserving culture yet they want to erase the existence of queer people. even when people hear things being said like 'gender is a social construct', they think we're just trying to push an agenda - but do they really understand what a social construct is? not too long ago, i saw this post from Tumblr user biggest-gaudiest-patronuses where they talked about how a social construct really just means it's something that the big people in charge can move around and change to suit their own preferences and beliefs and ignore the communities that these constructs are actively causing problems for. people are just scared of change when it comes to things like this, they see it as a threat to their comfort but with our change and without moving out of your comfort zone, how will you ever achieve growth? People who live outside the binary just want to be their authentic selves and be accepted and people shouldn't be threatened by that.

What is your experience being a trans-masc person in Botswana?

So far I haven't really encountered any problems bringing a trans-masc person in Botswana and I think that's mostly related to how accepting the people immediately closest to me are as well as how comfortable I am in my own identity. i get misgendered quite frequently but being misgendered by strangers doesn't bother me at all because i know how they perceive me doesn't matter because they don't know me. i notice when people close to me misgender me but it's not something that'll bother me because i know it's still a learning process for them and they're always considerate enough to correct themselves afterwards, it's also not something that bothers me because i know that they're aware of my identity and they'll respect it. it can become a bit of a tough spot when it comes to people that im not close to but acquainted with because i don't really care much for their personal opinions since they aren't closely related to my life but it still flares up some gender dysphoria when they continue to use my deadname or refer to me as she/her - which is usually pronouns im only really comfortable with close people calling me by - and i guess it bothers me because they're aware of who i am and they've directly asked people close to me about my name and such yet they continue to misgender me and i feel really disrespected by it. i'm not very concerned with passing since i already know who i am but sometimes the fear of being outed does worry me in terms of my actual physical safety because i know there's people who react violently to trans people - on the opposite side of the coin, there are days i do wish i was passing and it's usually when im out in public and it's just my partner and i and we have to take things like public transport because my biggest fear is always putting my partner in danger because there's usually no avoiding being perceived as an lgbtqia+ couple which can end up putting a target on us. i will admit though that i wish Botswana did allow medical transitioning here because then it'd make a lot of things accessible to many trans people in the country as they wouldn't have to go elsewhere for hrt and surgery - like currently i have to save upward of P100 000 just for top surgery alone without including travel costs, hrt and doctor appointments fees which is a major obstacle for not only me but other people who don't have the type of income to support that either.

Who are some of the queer trans artists you look up to?

i'll be honest, i don't really know a lot of queer/trans artists since i don't consume a lot of big media 💀 i might know and admire some but since i don't really consume a lot of their content, i can't really confidently say im a huge fan. though there are very few that i do look up to they're mostly YouTubers since that's where i spend a lot of my time. in terms of queer actors though, id say Sir Ian McKellen is probably my biggest inspiration not only because of the big roles he's played while being an openly gay man but also because of the actions he's taken to support the queer and theater communities (theater being something else that im very passionate about). with trans YouTubers; Jammidodger(transguy), Ash Hardell(trans-enby) and Samantha Lux(transgirl) have been a huge help in my personal journey in finding out more about my identity and myself as well as just being really fun YouTubers  to watch. i really liked hearing out their experiences as trans/enby people and seeing the advice they had to give to other people in terms of not only surgery and hrt but with things like dressing and tips on coming out. i hope to share my experience and help other genderqueer people out the same way they did for me. one more person i look up to is someone id be bold enough to call my friend. they're an lgbtqia+ and trans rights activist in Botswana and they usually go my Phio or Blu for the time period ive known them and they've probably been one of the biggest helps in my personal journey. they were the first trans/genderqueer person id ever met back when i first started questioning my identity and i talked a lot with them about how i was feeling and trying to get comfortable with myself and they've always been there to listen, even helping me out with getting my first chest binder and they even give me tips about buying guys clothes and offering help for recommended places to go when i start transitioning. i even remember a time when they were a guest speaker on one of our local radio stations and while i couldn't tune in because i had drama practice, i remember being so excited because i felt that finally the voices of queer people were getting more recognized. I’m really glad that i have the opportunity to know them and talk to them and all the support they've extended to me is something i hope to be able to give to other queer youth that will flower after me.

Do you think Botswana is going to be led by pioneers such as yourself soon into a better future soon?

i'm not too well-versed on things like current affairs so i won't say much on this but a lot of change and acceptance has to happen in terms of the older generation and things like following tradition but i do believe that we might see a lot of change in the future. while it might take us a while to get to the point of queer people being elected into government positions, i believe our voices are starting to be heard. Just because decriminalization has happened doesn't mean it's time for us to relax, it's time for us to push for more change, we'll make strides together as a community.

What is your advice for a young queer Motswana reading this?

honestly guys, don't rush yourselves. take things one step at a time. it's okay to not know your identity, it's okay for it to change, it's okay to question who you are. even if you don't manage to figure out what your identity is, it's still okay. just love whoever you want to love and love how you want to live. as long as it's not hurting you or others, it's all valid. keep your chin up. I know it can be tough. but believe me, there's always gonna be people out there that love you for who you are and that's all that really matters.

Wapula 17, she/they, pansexual

Do you think Batswana are more inclusive of pansexuality?

I guess people aren’t as educated about pansexuality as much, there are so many misconceptions about being pansexual.

“Do pansexuals feel sexually attracted to animals”

“Are pansexuals normally in polygamous marriages” & so much more, I guess these questions come from the fact that as a pansexual we’re more attracted to the person, not their gender or sexuality, so people would instantly think we prefer to be in polygamous marriages, you know?

How do you navigate your life as a pansexual person in Botswana?

It’s extremely rare to find a pansexual in Botswana, so I wound by say it’s a lifestyle you know, I’ve always been one person that’s open about my sexuality & I’ve never felt the need to “come out”, of course there’s a lot of homophobia but it doesn’t affect me as much as it affects other queer individuals & that’s simply because I’ve just always been open about it you know?

Do you believe in gender?

I just think gender is a mindset, the thought of having to separate humanity based on our biological features is just stupid to me, the creation of “gender” is what leads to so many problems that we face as humanity today... being sexism & GBV & so many issues. People confuse gender & sexuality. Sexuality is broad, gender is just a mindset that is used to separate us based on our biological features.

Loago 16, she/her, demisexual

When did you first embrace the concept of demisexuality? And is it inclusive to anyone?

I first embraced the concept of demisexuality after seeing my best friends being able to grow out of their shell and be comfortable with their true self, with no fear of being judged. It was an inspiring thing for me because I don’t talk about my sexuality as much and I’ve received comments from straight guys that my sexuality is simply me trying to fit in with the crowd...most people confuse demisexuality for being bisexual but there’s a difference...I only see someone and I mean in the spiritual and emotional sense if i have an emotional connection with them, I don’t find people attractive unless i get a glimpse of their inner self and i connect with them on that level. I also do feel that maybe the trauma I’ve experienced has influenced this because it made me realize the importance of knowing and seeing someone behind all the masks they portray to the outside world and connecting with them spiritually when pursuing a relationship with them...

What do you think about the love scenes in Botswana’s youth scene?

I think majority of youth is lost when it comes to the perception of love I also blame tradition because the sad truth is that  most of us come from dysfunctional or rather ‘special’ families and this is where we see a lot of abuse be it coming from the man or woman and especially in this country we have normalized this vicious cycle of ‘special’ families and it’s contributed to how a lot of us perceive love, we tell ourselves that in order for us to believe that we are loved or we love someone we must’ve put them through something or they must’ve put us through something because the impression most of us have , having seen our parents or relatives do this... and unfortunately unlike now in today’s world back in the day it was some what a taboo to end your marriage or ‘break’ your family that you’ve built with someone and hence why most marriages even despite the abuse still exist. I believe this is what influences the youth love scenes in Botswana, to undo this I believe we need to stop we need to stop cheating I love marriage sexuality as a taboo in this country, parents need to start having conversations with their children to help them understand what genuine love is and that love between heterosexual people and queer people is no different and we are all deserving of genuine love.

Kago 19, he/they, bisexual

What’s one thing your generation has in common?

I really believe my generation right now is a very liberated one and connected one. We really are about community and uplifting each other. We are together in these safe spaces, uplifting each other and respecting each other for who we really are uno.

Do you attach your sexuality to what you love doing?

Not actively, but when I get to working I'd like to think I work out of a unique place where my identity comes out as a product of that. So my sexuality does subconsciously become a part of my work.

How do you feel about bi-erasure and pan-erasure in men?

It's a frustrating struggle to be continuously fighting. Especially when the erasure comes from within the LGBTQ+ community. You start to ask yourself where you can feel safe if not in your own community uno.

Do you think you fully express your sexuality to others?

Fully? Not yet. Well probably not actively, but I know surely you must know my sexuality after a few conversations with me. It's a part of me that can not escape me so it is at the front line of my social interactions.

What contributed to helping you understand your sexuality?

Growing up around very open-minded people. This gave me the freedom to, once i started realizing i was bisexual, be comfortable to ask questions about it and be as curious as i needed until i realized that hell yeah i am bisexual uno.

Credits: 

Editor: @cxsside 

Art Director: @cxsside & @bbypumpkiiiin_ 

Models : @thebes.world @amor.leilani@son.yea @bynx.y@loago.m@wapsworldwide @archhangel 

Stylists + Wardrobe:@archhangel @_glotto @unearthlygofaone @bluuu.rraine_

Photographers:@vandeaarde @vandeaarde.gallery@wenz_hd

[niikolais]

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    bill skarsgard, cis male, he & him   /   the good, the bad & the dirty by panic! at the disco   +   deep red blood gushing from a nose that’s been broken several times over, and knuckles that seem to be permanently raw and stained black and blue. a phone screen that’s cracked beyond reasonable repair and yet, somehow, still works perfectly. putting your hand flat on a tabletop and using a grubby penknife to absently play bishop ( and stress your sister out in the process ). dirt and blood caught beneath your fingernails, and fingertips that are colored yellow from rolling your own cigarettes.    ⧽   ━━   meet NIKOLAI MATHIAS CHRISTENSEN   ;    the TWENTY FIVE year old who has sometimes been referred to as THE ALBATROSS. they originally hailed from THE SOUTHERN ISLES where they lived with their parent, HANS CHRISTENSEN. they’ve always been pretty METICULOUS & SELF-RELIANT, but i’ve heard that they can be pretty PERFIDIOUS & PHLEGMATIC, too. it’s common knowledge that they have the power of ASTRAL PROJECTION, but i don’t know how much good it does them, as an APPRENTICE MECHANIC. you can check out his stat page HERE & his pinterest board HERE.

he has HANDS like the apocalypse ;          you could start a war with hands like that.

your life is a series of lessons that come one after the other. you learn this quickly, and understanding it serves you well.

number one. though defined with care, family means nothing in the end. they say that there are SOME ties which bond, but you are one of few who knows that anything can break.the woman who brought you into this world proves this first and foremost, before you are even consciously aware. she abandons you and your twin sister to the mercy of a dog eat dog world, seemingly without a second thought. you do not say, but you know. if it was so easy for her to leave behind two tiny beings that had once been a part of her, it will be even EASIER for others.

number two. you know that there are no good fathers. you know that anyone who says OTHERWISE is lying - to themselves, perhaps, but especially to you. hans christensen was not made to comfort, and though it is the one thing that children need, you learn not to. when you fall and hurt yourself, you do not run to daddy. when you imagine a monster beneath your bed, you do not share your wild creation, because you know he will not tell you it doesn’t EXIST. you love him, in a sense - in that way that evades definition. when one parent leaves, it is easy feel something for the one who stayed ; but while calling him ‘father’ slips easily from your silver tongue, his parental care ends at providing the roof above your head.

number three. though sometimes both of you wonder if it’s something that you want : you will ALWAYS have kaela, and she will always have you. this is the gift of being born together, and the PRICE of being one soul split into two. for as long as you can remember, it has been the same way. you may look into her eyes and see your own gazing back at you, but whatever you ARE, she is not - and you know that the mind resting behind her vivid hues is where all the similarities finally end. you love her, you do, and you KNOW that she loves you too ; that no matter what you do, no matter who she BECOMES, the care you have for one another is everlasting and absolute. she is your weakness. your one soft spot. your loyalty is not a thing which can be bought - but kaela has it. she has since the womb.

number four. learn that there is nobody with your interests at heart, and if you need something, you must get it for yourself. if you fall victim of wanting, then the same rule applies. remember what you know of the phrase ‘dog eat dog’, that which seems to rule your life from the MOMENT you are born to it. it does not matter if you must lie, steal, cheat your way to a LIFE worth living, and your father goes so far as to support such things. only the weak of mind and of WILL succumb to morals, he will tell you, and you agree.

number five. it’s an age old saying from parent to child, but you take it heart : when someone hits you, you hit them BACK. it’s always been this way, since you were a little boy with an itch beneath his skin ( human / monster / something in between, begging to be freed ) and a temper that made nannies quit after one too many exposures. you are unique in the sense that, while your fathers rage runs hot, yours runs cold. like ice. it brims inside of you until it overflows, and once it does… no one wins. it terrifies people, watching you work. watching you break a nose without flinching, watching you hurt without REGRET. you can TAKE a punch like nobodies business, but you can throw one, too - and god help anyone who doesn’t knock you out the first time.

number six. university is for a certain type of person, and that is not you. it never has been. if an army of private educators couldn’t instill a love of education within you, then it was already destined : you would NOT succeed in the setting walt disney university provided you, but perhaps out of misled desires for pride, you did TRY. professors hated you from the very first moment they lay eyes upon your scarred hands and heard your biting words ; but you can at least admit, to yourself, that you made some sort of EFFORT for a time. quickly it became apparent that it was not for you. when you’re expelled, most people ( yourself included ) believe it to be about time

number seven. machines are easier than people. you know why that is. you can pull a machine apart and understand what makes it tick. nothing that it does is a surprise ; if it doesn’t serve its purpose, it is broken, and if it is, you can fix it. if it’s unfixable, it can be thrown away and replaced easily. humans are complex, and you don’t feel as if you completely understand them. you pick apart their minds in an attempt to, but you come up somewhat EMPTY. you wonder if everyone out there understands everybody else as little as you do, and whether it's normal to feel such a disconnect from them. somehow, you know the answer.

number eight. when they MADE you, they made you wrong. they made you run colder than the average man ; they made you with an insatiable fury, a vicious, nasty RAGE that hollows you out and fills you up, all at the same time. you are good at things you understand no good man is GOOD at, so you embrace the fact that you are not good. not tender. not merciful. the lines between who you are and who you perceive yourself to be blur more and more, day by day ; you know you are feral, and you know that will never change. the only questions which remain are how far are you willing to go? and how long will you SURVIVE to get there?

SYNOPSIS ( and headcanons ) :

nikolai mathias christensen was born june 1st, 1994. he’s a TWIN ( his sister being named mikaela ), and his father is the only parent he has. as far as niko is aware, his mother abandoned them post haste.

surprise surprise : hans was not a good father. for the most part this manifested in palming niko off on nannies, and keeping himself at an emotional distance, which in turn leads to niko becoming… quite stunted, in that department.

hans could be cruel, and he expected the best. niko tried to give it. he also had a temper ( which seems to be hereditary ). he was not physically abusive towards niko, but there were a handful of… accidents. he still has a scar on his forehead from tripping over his fathers leg and cracking his temple against a mahogany table.

kaela was it for niko. the one person he had a real CONNECTION to. the one he loved, even if - especially as they’ve gotten older - that seems to be quite skewed. they can say cruel things to one another, but niko would not ( and probably has not ) hesitate to put anothers head through a window for his sister.

he isn’t ambitious, per se - he simply learned that if he was going to get anything, it would have to be gotten for HIMSELF. he wasn’t taught morals, or really… right and wrong, full stop - and his own emotional detachment means it’s no skin off his nose to lie, cheat, scam, steal, etc, if he HAS to.

he also - if you could not guess - has absolutely ZERO problem with violence. he welcomes it, in fact. he solves most problems with his fists, and is honestly quite scary to watch in action. for the most part? he wins.

got expelled in his third year of a mechanics degree for something terrible, so he’s working as an apprentice in an autoshop now and is enjoying it WAY more. school wasn’t for him, and never was.

he’s an insomniac, and it began with his powers manifesting. niko can astral project, and without much control over it, does so subconsciously when he falls asleep - which in turn means… no actual sleep gang. he doesn’t love it. kinda sucks. would not rate high on yelp.

[eye-holesinapaperbag]

You know what I’m not gonna pretend that Joss Whedon is a perfect writer, I think it’d be unfair to say that about any writer but that’s not the point, for now Joss Whedon is not a perfect writer. There are certainly issues in his scripts, the occasional racism being a big one (although one thing I think we should all bear in mind: don’t think it’s ever been intentional. Not an excuse by any means, but there’s a big difference between being a racist writer and being a flawed writer who fucks up every so often because they don’t get the intricacies of the issue).

However I do not understand the sudden hatred of him on this site. Like actually stop and think it through for a second here. Go back to buffy, actually think it through. Again, not perfect writing, and some stuff in the early seasons could potentially be interpreted as slut-shaming (although I genuinely believe if you go and watch it again without a closed mind, that was absolutely not the intention). But can we just not forget how fucking important that show was? How much that show paved the way for better representation in tv and movies. It was one of the earliest shows to have an openly lesbian relationship within the main cast (and especially in a main stream show), which honestly I think was handled really well for the time (late 90s, early 2000s, really not a good time for this stuff on tv). It was never sexualised, like even remotely, it was just shown as a normal relationship. The one time it was slightly sexualised was in a dream sequence in Zanders mind which was intended to show the grossness of straight cis dudes. And also to the people complaining that almost no lesbian kisses were shown and the characters were always referred to as “gay” without a mention of the possibility of being bi, REMEMBER WHEN THIS SHOW CAME OUT. Honestly it’s astounding that they got away with showing what they did. Seriously shows we’re being pulled around that time for being less explicit than that.

In terms of buffy as a female character, again there are certainly flaws but AGAIN think about when this came out. Think about other shows around then. Buffy was as good as it got then for feminism. And sure, it could have been better for that stuff but if it wasn’t for buffy we would not be at the point we are at now. We’d be several years behind. She gave young girls a role model, who was tough and a badass but also vulnerable and could be very feminine. She was a well rounded, well written character. A female character who was given an opportunity to be flawed.

Buffy is the reason for so much of the the advancements we’ve had in tv representation and how these characters are written and developed. Yes it would’ve been nice if a non straight white dude was given the opportunity to pave that path, but again at that point in time that was simply not going to happen. That isn’t Joss Whedons fault, and you know what he did a damn good job as a replacement. I mean what do you want him to do? Not write parts for women and lgbtq characters? Sure he’s not the most qualified but speaking as part of the latter community I’d much rather he tried than just didn’t bother, and so far he’s done a good job by me.

Touching on firefly for a second, here’s a mainstream sci-fi show with an ensemble cast with a 50/50 split between male and female characters. Again, that was not common back then. All the female characters are well written, well rounded, interesting and diverse characters. Each one was distinctly different from each other and never once blended together, arguably even more so than the male characters. A point I forgot to mention with buffy was that these were characters who were able to enjoy their sexuality and were never put down for that, except to make a point about a male character being gross. Mal makes comments about Inara’s occupation as a companion but this is always shown as kinda gross and as a representation of a certain way of thinking about things that was separated from what was expected from the audience (mal was frequently shown to be NOT a representative of the audience, hence why he was able to be a very flawed character). Also, while less obvious and less talked about, Inara is a canonically bi character (Kaylee may also be, although that’s a bit more implication than with Inara). I say it again, all of this was a fucking big and frankly brave move when these shows came out and helped a whole fucking lot with improving writing quality and representation.

On top of all of this, both of these shows were just really fucking good. All of this was handled brilliantly, because they just got on with their stories and character development. The lesbian relationship in buffy was a big plot line but the plot line was never “look willows gay now”, it was 100% of the time “willows in a happy relationship, isn’t that nice” and the fact that it was with a girl was talked about exactly as much as it should be which means, if we are talking about true representation here, not very often. Like, a realistic amount. When willow comes out to buffy she’s surprised for like 10 seconds and then the show moves on, which is how it fucking should be. It wasn’t a lazily thrown together “coming out and dealing with my lesbianism” plot line, it just got on with things because that how real relationships work. Even today, how many mainstream shows can you think of which handle this subject that well?

And very quickly on avengers, DOES EVERYBODY REMEMBER HOW FUCKING WELL WRITTEN AVENGERS 1 IS? And then sure, he made some bad choices in AOU, but that was around the time that marvel was cracking down on its writers and directors to make sure that the films fitted into the wider mcu. Marvel had full creative control over AOU, and completely crushed whedons creativity. That’s why he left marvel if you remember, because he wasn’t able to make his film, he made a film put together by money people. I 100% believe that’s where the concerning choice about Natasha’s character came from. Not him.

Ive only seen bits and pieces of whedons scrapped Wonder Woman script. I’m not going to deny that it sucks because it does. It really does. I’m a whedon fan, but it sucks. But what we really need to hear in mind is:

A) It was written 10 years ago. Yes firefly and buffy were before that but in the course of 10 years chances are he’s improved. B) it was a first draft. Pretty much every script ever sucks in its first draft, because it hasn’t been refined but also because writers have to include the shit that keeps the producers happy in their first draft, and then they can figure out how to improve it once it’s green light. C) This is one bad script. 1. Writers fuck up sometimes. Are we really gonna throw a writer under the bus based on 1 dodgy script? Honestly that’s a fucked up way of judging art and a scary precedent to set. “Awh ya fucked up once? Awh well, fuck you forever.” Like seriously? Get a grip.

We don’t know what the justice league scenes he’s doing are going to be like yet (and let’s be fucking real here, they’re going to be a hell of a lot better than whatever awful, steaming pile of shit a puke that Snyder has come up with), and we know nothing about his batgirl movie yet. How about we all climb down of the high horse for a second and just wait and see instead of pre-judging him like a bunch of whiny entitled babies.

Yes I’m a fan. Yes I’m biased. But I also recognise the concern. I get it. But can we please calm the fuck down and just wait and see for once? That’d be nice.

In fact can we just marathon buffy and firefly?

Holy fuck that’s a long post