#and that includes trans women! because obviously as much as the christian right likes to claim they view them as men they categorically dont

[alexissara]

Polyamory Is Queer

So a post on twitter happened where a pansexual person was saying Polyamory was queer and that he wanted people to include Polyamory in their pride merch was getting massively dunked on on twitter. nearly 1000 people at the time of me starting to write this had decided they should tell this person to die, to say he was a fed, that polyamarous people weren't oppressed in any way, that the oppression they have is deserved, etc. That alone to me would speak to the queerness here of polyamory, getting mass harassment for dating to suggest that even against our own, a pansexual guy.

Like the post is cringe in that asking for merch is cringe, like who cares, it's capitalism, I don't care about polyam flag merch, in fact, I probably wouldn't buy it if it existed in general. I would rather get merch of three girls holding hands being polyamarous and really that mostly doesn't exist and, a little sad sure, but it doesn't matter. It's not really an access of oppression.

However, I want to talk about why polyamory is queer and to knock down all the common talking points that are levied against queer people. I am not using any strawmen here I promise you I only need to look at these quote retweets to see SOOO MANY people saying the same shit I see right here.

Polyamarous People Are Not Oppressed

Polyamorous people face many different forms of oppression. There is the obviously and previously stated mass dunking on a person for daring to say they want more polyam merch and that polyam people are part of the wider queer community. This isn't a lone incident but instead I see all the time monogamous people feeling it is totally fine to dunk on polyamarous people because they met one that annoyed them or because it makes them uncomfortable or we are sluts or something. The mass harassment and open hatred are in fact a form of oppression.

However, it doesn't just result in the public opinion but the legal reality. You can be legally fired for being polyamarous basically everywhere. If you have a divorce and you are polyamarous your child will be taken away, it doesn't matter if you have proof if it being consensual it is a mark against you. If someone is sick in the polycule only one person can claim themselves as a partner to go to a hospital and see them. Polyamarous people do not have a right to be married. Polyamarous people are subjected to increased criticism about their relationships. Polyamarous people face a hyper comparison when one person lies about being polyam to abuse their girlfriend or a polyam person ends up being a bad partner it is cast on all polyamarous people.

Cis/Het Men Can't Be Queer

When people make this argument their projecting the bad boyfriend of a friend of theirs onto all polyamorous people, it's a straw man. We've decided some time ago that cis/het men can in fact be queer, I don't even like that. If I was big goddess of queerness I would vanish cis/het men from being queer but we already decided that they were. I frankly just do not care for cis/het dudes generally, some of my favorite siblings are cis/het dudes.

The A in LGBTQIA includes Asexuals and Aromantics both of whom can be Cis/Het men. The I can in fact also include cis/het men people who are intersex and assigned male at birth and id as men do exist and those people can in fact be cis/het.

Polyamarous People Aren't Historically Oppressed

The reality is if you look at the history of the world, you'll find that most cultures were not monogamous. A lot practiced Social Monogamy aka a woman was owned by a man but the man fucked around and that was normal. However, many cultures simply had no concept of monogamy, in fact there are some cultures to this day that are non monogamous without men having ownership of women. The reality is much how history is much gayer then we know and a lot more trans then we know history is also a lot more non-monogamous. Many indigenous cultures and pre Christian cultures practiced various forms of non-monogamy. These cultures were wiped out slowly with the Christian take over of the majority of the world. Ethical or not we know many powerful people took multiple wives in countries like China where the empires had ranks for their consorts as a standard practice. These are not vastly different then the kind of monogamous marriages that were common place by kings only they didn't need to kill their wives to be with other women.

The reality is that something that came natural to many be it bad or good instincts was suppressed and removed. Polyamory was wiped out from most the world because it deviated the mind set of the colonizers. Of course any place queerness has been suppressed queer non-monogamy was suppressed as well. We know that polyamarous people have had to hide their relationships especially if they deviated from the heteronormative model like like in the case of  William Moulton Marston, Elizabeth Holloway Marston, and Olive Byrne whom had to cloak their relationship be that sexual or not.

Polyamarous Are Just Sleeping Around

I don't have to go in depth here, asexual polyamarous people like me exist. I am dating many a hot lady and person and I haven't had sex in years. I don't have sex. You don't need to have sex to be polyamarous.

However, what's wrong with wanting to have sex? Why is that a grounds for oppression? Having lots of sex or no sex, it doesn't make you more or less valid. I saw someone say that polyamarous people deserve to have their kids taken away because their sleeping around.

Does a single monogamous mom deserve to have her kids taken away if she sleeps around when her kids are with their dad? What about a dad? Like sleeping around is something most monogamous allosexuals do. Be that cheating or being chronically single and going on hook up apps for sex. The second you start dating your supposed to swear away your libido towards others forever until you break up.

If that's your form of chastity play with your partner, I am not here to stop you. However, consenting partners deciding they are good with each other fucking other people isn't wrong.

Polyamory is Oppressing Women

Where in the terfy world have I heard people claiming someone else's private lives are actually just oppressing cis women. Can cis/het dudes say "Hey girl, I'm polyamarous so it wasn't cheating when I fucked your best friend" sure they can but that was still cheating. People don't even time to understand Non-monogamy to know that the vast majority of polyam people would say that it is cheating to have sex with another person without informing your partner or agreeing in advance you both can sleep with anyone you want.

Again, I don't give a shit about cis/het dudes, send them to the sun, I don't care but here they are used as a hypnotical device to attack other queer people. The OP who was getting harassed on mass was Pansexual and most everyone I have seen say Polyamory is queer has been some form of queer person. I don't know if you know this but cis/het dudes do not want to be queer, they don't want to be counted among the homosexuals on account that many of them are homophobic and transphobic.

This simply willingly ignores that many women are polyamarous. If you look at many poly groups you'll see lots of women there looking to date men and women. If you go on dating apps like her you'll see lots of polyamarous women. If you go to one trans women's discord server you'll see lots of polyamarous women there. You can see polyamarous lesbians

Polyamory Is Oppressive

Typically they form at some form of Polygamy and go like, see, polyamory is oppressive and you all act like your better then us! This utterly ignores that to this day monogamy has not unpacked it's roots as a system of ownership. The history of dating for love is actually ridiculously small in the white world. Monogamy was just one of several systems of women being sold to men by the men in their lives. One that took root and was forced on many many many people's who did not practice this form of oppression or oppressing women at all until Christians came to their land.

Polyamory can be unethical as can many other forms of non-monogamy and some are rooted in systems of ownership just like monogamy is rooted in that. The reality is our hearts are not ethical anyway, we can't expect love to be perfect and utterly unproblematic but also there are forms of polyamory that are ethical.

Polyamory Is Just A Choice

I saved this one for last because this one is feelings based where the others have provable facts this one people can simply chose to believe me or not. However, I want to talk about wider queer theory for a second to really practically engage this idea. While the popular narrative is that being queer is not a choice some queer theorists have pushed back on this idea. The main queer counter arguments are We Chose Our Own Actions and If It Was A Choice I'd Chose It.

We Chose Own Actions poses us with the idea that while our internal feelings might not be a choice we chose how we act on our choices and queerness is choosing to express and live outside of what we are told. That queerness itself is the choice of acting against the cishetero systems of control. So it doesn't matter if a Republican law maker is secretly gay, he wouldn't be queer because queerness in this model is a choice, it's an identity we chose.

Then the If It Was A Choice It Chose It model says, so what if it was a choice. It choses to simply ignore internal feelings and say it doesn't matter why I want to kiss other women, the fact I chose to do it is consensually with other women who chose to kiss women in itself is valid and worthy of respect. That there is nothing shameful about being queer and therefore if they could chose to be queer that is enough to be respected. This simply says being gay is great, I like being gay, I'd pick it every time and you can't stop me and I will be respected.

We went over these models to say that even if you end up disagreeing with me, that being non-mongamous is in fact not a choice to you that that doesn't necessarily excluded it from being queer and that doesn't mean that Polyamarous people don't deserve respect or rights.

However, to me being polyamarous is core to who I am. It is not a choice for me but I would chose it every time. I would never want to get rid of my 15 year relationship with my Fiancé or my 8 year relationship with my girlfriends in Scotland or any other relationship I'm a part of. To me it's natural to want to be with other people, to feel romantic feelings and it feels gross to me to suggest that I should suppress those feelings or if I did that it would be morally better.

I was in high school when I started dating my Fiancé, even then Freshmen year of high school I told them, "Hey if you wanna date other people, that's okay". At the time, It was mostly because we lived an "unbareable" thirty minutes away from one another, sometimes an hour in traffic. "Worlds away" and unable to drive I really wanted them to be able to be loved and have everything they wanted in a relationship. They did not act on that for years and years. Many years later we talk about polyamory more seriously, I had feelings for my now 8 year long distance relationship GFs. We had all been friends, they helped me come out as trans, we got on so perfectly, and there was a guy friend of ours that they had been kinda attracted to and wanted to try to feel things out with. We agreed that we would explore our feelings and stuff.

From there we've been actively identifying as polyamorous, there was bumps in the road, I was not a perfect girlfriend and I misunderstood how Polyamory worked like thinking we all had to want to date each other and realizing that was not the case. It felt right to be polyam and it kept feeling right as we met people, had feelings and let our relationships evolve to wherever they went naturally, disclosing with each other obviously but we love talking about crushes and dates and stuff together. We've never dated the same person and we probably never will but we love each other and love seeing each other be loved. This is core to who I am, my Fiancé is my soul mate, but my soul isn't small, it's big and it has other soul mates and sweet loves.

It what comes natural to me and it would feel as bad to me to stop being polyamorous as to go back into the closet about being asexual, trans or being a lesbian. To me it's the part of my identity that is probably most in practice in that I talk to my GFs every single day, I live with my Fiancé, their actively part of my life every single day and I am open to new feelings every single day. Even with a recent break up with one of my Girlfriend's of nearly two years I not once wished I was monogamous, my heart was in pain but I still loved being polyam.

I don't have anything else to say on this topic really, I don't care if I get dunked on, to me, this is who I am. I don't particularly love "the polyam community" as a wider hole, I am in my own lesbian niche. Still, I think even the unfortunately straight among us deserve to have the right to love who they love. Nothing anyone stays is gonna get me to suddenly see my love as selfish or something.

[If you want more polyamorous sapphic art to exist in the world maybe consider throwing me a few bucks on Patreon or Ko-fi so I can afford to make more.]

[ot3]

As important as i think it is to understand that not everyone at risk of an unwanted pregnancy is a woman, and use appropriate language to reflect that, i also think it is really critical that we do not let trans-inclusivity stop us from understanding or articulating that overturning roe v. wade is an act that is intended to harm women categorically. 

It’s not all-encompassing. obviously there are plenty of women who can’t get pregnant, regardless of assigned sex. obviously some people who get pregnant are not women. But we do need to discuss the fact that it’s legislation designed to harm and control women, because the desire of the christian right always has been and always will be to make women (and by extension, people they view as women) second class citizens.

and if we can’t find a way to recognize and talk about the ways in which women as a social category are still at risk and being specifically targeted then we de facto cede the entire feminist movement to violent transphobes. which i really really do not want. regardless of any personal identity politics and pontificating about what it does or doesn’t mean to be a woman, there is still a cultural concept of who and what women are that we do not have the luxury of fully opting out of even if we’d really like to. we have to be able to simultaneously discuss macro-scale gender politics And individual identity if we want to have a trans-inclusive feminist movement, rather than just a trans inclusive movement Or a feminist movement.

[dredshirtroberts]

no you know what actually I do have shit to say about de-radicalization and how people on the whole (and i do include myself here, i am a people as well) need to be more compassionate towards those deconstructing their worldview and pulling away from radical/harmful ideology.

Cause y'all I don't talk about it much and so you might not know but like...

that was me.

My family is *ultra conservative* and maybe i've said that before, maybe i understood on some level how far down the rabbit hole they've become - but i didn't realize until relatively recently how fucking long it's been like this.

And how close I personally was to being just like them.

The EIB network - y'all might not know of them, but the radio network that hosted Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck? (do people even remember who Glenn Beck even is? he was everywhere when I was younger but i'm starting to realize that some of the people I grew up listening to were not big names outside of their fringe belief groups) - was the sound of summertime as a child. It was so prevalent that when my mother began homeschooling my sister and I, I would hear it and immediately think it was summertime - even in the dead of winter with snow on the ground. For years. To this day I can hear it in my head.

We mainly watched Fox News back in the day - we watched CNN and NBC for a while too. But ultimately it was Fox News where we got the majority of our information about the world at large.

I don't know much about Bill Clinton's presidency other than the Sexy Scandal because we didn't like him and no one talked about him except to say he was terrible (with no information as to why other than that he was a Democrat and all Democrats were the devil and going to steal our rights). We thought George W. Bush was going to save america.

I thought Sarah Palin was a feminist icon - though obviously we didn't need feminism because girls and boys were super equal. Racism ended in the 60s. The Civil War wasn't fought because of Slavery it was for property ownership, *obviously*. You know, like land. Because property meant land. Not *people.*

The government was terrible and should be kept out of everyone's business and if you couldn't shake it on your own, you weren't trying hard enough and the government didn't need to bail you out. Black people were lazy for not doing enough to change their station and everyone who thought racism was still a thing just hadn't listened properly when Martin Luther King Jr talked about dreams. but also that speech wasn't necessary even back then because Racism wasn't real - or if it was real it wasn't bad because stereotypes exist for a reason, you know.

My dad and mom proudly talked about their racial profiling of "'Sp*c Cars." But we never said the N-word (even though if the black people say it they shouldn't expect no one else to be able to say it).

The hardcore christian element didn't super settle in until the homeschooling years. My parents didn't own a gun until a few years ago. But we supported gun rights. The right to bear arms was integral to the constitution, the constitution was correct when the Founding Fathers wrote it and didn't need *changes*.

Trans people were just Ultra Gays and the gays didn't need rights because they were sinners and going to hell because God might love them but we didn't. Men in dresses were a joke and obviously no trans person could *really* become the gender they "claimed" to be.

Unions were useless and we definitely didn't need them anymore because they were never necessary in the first place. If you don't like your job, just leave it, you know? And don't get fussy if your boss fires you out of nowhere for an "injustice" because that just means you're looking for excuses for your bad job performance.

Women were meant to bear children and run the household and I guess you could be a business lady if you *wanted* to but like only if you also planned to have children - or had already had and raised your children. And why on earth would a man do any of the child rearing unless there was a boychild involved?

I met Newt Gingrich and got to shake his hand and that was a *bragging right*.

and all of that has been incredibly difficult to un-learn. You spend 18 years surrounded by that rhetoric, thinking that's the way the world is meant to be. You cannot just drop it and immediately switch to the "correct" way of thinking (there is no "unproblematic" political ideology in today's world right now. but that's a different rant).

I have to work extra hard sometimes to fight through those filters of bias and hatred. Because I thought my parents were *reasonable*. I didn't think they were radical my *whole* life until like...a few months ago. I thought they'd *become* radical. But...no.

No they've always been like this and I sounded like a moron trying to convince other family members that they hadn't always been that bad.

Deconstruction, de-radicalization, re-learning is *hard.* And it's *lonely*. Because when you start pulling at the threads, those who shared the blanket no longer want to talk to you, and those under the other blanket are blinded in their own hatred of your previous beliefs to help you learn.

So you have to make your own blanket by listening to how others' blankets are constructed. And you learn. And you challenge and you *fight* and it's hard.

But I'll share my blanket with you. It's cold and lonely on this journey - but it doesn't have to be. We can un-learn together. We can deconstruct our past belief systems together. We can expand our horizons and become allies with other communities as a community ourselves.

We can grow. Because where you're from might be helpful to know in battling prejudices ingrained in your since childhood, but it's not all you are. You are more than your roots and the dirt you grew up in. You're not alone. You're not the only one going through this journey.

And I'll help you if you need a blanket to rest under for the night. We're in this together. I've got your hand. Come on. <3

[noa-nightingale]

Queer Watcher 2020

I am looking back on this weird, not-so-wonderful year - and on the ways @wearewatcher made my 2020 so much more wonderful. Originally, I wanted to list all the highlights I could think of, but one of the things I am most grateful for is Watcher’s inclusion and support of LGBTQ+ folks. I am just one queer person but I know there are many more in this fandom.

So, this ended up being a list of things I, as a queer person, appreciate and enjoy, and I am so so happy that I can write this. Buckle up, I have Things to say, and it is going to be emotional.

Ryan’s Pride shoes. I sometimes wonder how many sales Converse owes him. I love my own pair btw.

“Look, all I’m sayin’ is, y’know, hey, uh, love everybody.” - Shane Madej, Gangly Puppet Freak. A PSA from the Weird/Wonderful Shakespeare Theatre vid, regarding bisexuality - he is so awkward with it lmao. Whole video has really great vibes too.

Steve/Stephanos.

Various tweets, including wishing us a happy Non-Binary People’s Day and a happy Trans Awareness week.

Ryan and Shane including their pronouns in their twitter bio. (Little things like this don’t go unnoticed, and they are very appreciated.)

Gay Oars! Ugh, my heart. Their first appearance totally caught me off guard, and I haven’t recovered since. (I also causes me no small amount of joy that the most romantic and tragic song of all time is called “Gore on the Shore”.) I could yell about my love for these guys all day. It is a beautiful thing that these characters exist.

Gay Oars, again - I knew they would show up and I still was not prepared. The song made me cry. I haven’t recovered from that one either. I love the progression from the first, tragic song to the second, joyful and loving song. I have so many emotions about these oars, I probably could make an entire list just for them. (Little fun fact: Even though the song made me cry, my first reaction to that episode was to go on tumblr and yell about it excitedly. Like, I was emotional but in an enthusiastic kind of way. The more difficult emotions hit me about four days later, for some reason. And then I sat in my room and cried my eyes out. Like, as much as I like being queer, sometimes it is just damn hard and the pain seems too much and you have been hurt over and over and don’t know if you can ever recover from it. And it is just really good to know that someone cares about your wellbeing as a queer person. Even if you have never spoken to that someone and he does not even know of your existence. And to be honest, I don’t always know how to deal with that. The kindness? The genuine allyship? I have no idea how to handle that, and it simultaneously heals and breaks my heart.)

Every time the words “his boyfriend” were uttered; I am especially thinking of Are You Scared here.

All the fan art Watcher inspired and continues to encourage and to support. There are many great artists in the fandom! And Watcher’s content inspires me to draw and create more myself! How wonderful!

Toxic masculinity who? It is nowhere to be found.

This... special kind of gentle and kind weirdness? It honestly had such a positive impact on me and the way I interact with other people and let them interact with me.

All of the wonderful people Watcher brought in. I am sure they will work with more amazing folks and I am really looking forward to that. Personally, I am hoping to see Eugene Lee Yang at some point. (Would be really happy to see Thomas Sanders too.)

Here’s What You Do. Just the whole podcast. It was such a delight.

I was hesitant to include this because I believe many of us have negative memories attached to it, and it was not a fun time for anyone (including the lovely people at Watcher themselves). But, yes, I am mentioning it: That one HWYD episode and the follow-up. I can only speak for myself, but the follow-up has an incredibly special place in my heart. To me, it is one of the most important videos Watcher has created. I watched it several times, I journaled about it extensively and it made me a better ally. Hell, I even showed it to my mother and one of my siblings (like, the entire video). I know it was a difficult thing to talk about but at this point: A HUGE thank you to Steven, Ryan, Katie and Shane for handling this in an absolutely fantastic way. I feel welcome and seen and appreciated, and in the end all I want is this: For people to genuinely give a shit about me as a queer person.

On a more lighthearted note, I enjoy it way too much that Ryan is able to say “LGBTQ” without stumbling over the letters. It seems like such a tiny thing but it brings me an unholy amount of joy.

The Professor. I don’t want to call him LGBTQ+ because that has not been confirmed as canon but he IS comfortable wearing clothes that are typically seen as “women’s clothing”, and as a trans/non-binary person I am kind of obligated to mention it.

I think I had an out of body experience when Ryan said “Oh thank you baby” to Steven in Too Many Spirits. Then I had to pause the episode to finish laughing. And then they brought it back in the next episode. Bless them.

Every time they/them pronouns were said.

The entire Hatshepsut PH episode. What can I say, I like it when gender norms/expectations/roles are broken. And even if we can’t call Hatshepsut trans by today’s standards, declaring yourself another gender has such power.

Without giving too many details: I had my struggles and problems in the past with Christianity and ~certain~ Christian people, and it is really good (and I mean REALLY good) to see someone whose faith and integrity are so interwoven and who is inspired by his faith to do good things and to do right by people. I obviously only know the things about his belief that Steven decides to put on the internet but what I’ve seen is almost healing to me, in a way. I am very grateful and happy that he is willing to educate others and to keep working on himself. Warms my heart.

The certainty with which these beautiful people call themselves allies.

Just... the general kindness and compassion, and the willingness to listen and to grow. I promise you, we notice and we love you for it.

I could have expanded on all of these points but I tried to keep this short.

And look. I don’t want to put anyone on a pedestal; that would not be fair. I am just immensely grateful for kind people who genuinely care and who genuinely try to do right by others and to bring joy to others.

And I know we like to have fun here but Watcher’s content is just a lot more than entertaining, meme-able fun (although it is that too, of course).

I had a blast with it this year and I am very much looking forward to the next year. I feel like I can’t adequately put into words the myriad of little (and not so little) ways these people have made my life better this year. Thank you from the bottom of my aroace, non-binary heart.

[skinfeeler]

you may notice so-called progressive members of religions (including those which are minority religions in ‘the west’) spend much more time on critics of religion than conservatives in their own circles. sentiments such as “X discussion belongs within the community” might clue us in as on why, but allow me to proffer a red thread that i believe i have identified throughout all of this.

it is, obviously, true that critique of religion often constitutes or is a vehicle for assorted bigotries. a certain vigilance can be understandable and i advocate among my peers to not let us become callous of the very real dangers that members of certain ethnic and cultural groups (however one might understand these) face, even people marginalised in and by such religious communities. this is then, in fact, the crux of my project: the acknowledgment that say, ex-muslims aren’t really helped by islamophobia given the fact that it’s not like they’re going to get support from those people peddling it, which is exactly why it’s so tragic that many of them feel there’s no place for them on the left, because so many people on the left refuse to acknowledge that even though islamophobia is well, extant, it’s not like people stuck in certain spheres (among which gay and trans people, women, and all children) are impervious from being harmed just because larger society might not be accepting of those who level that harm unto them. this much then is important: to do right by everyone who must be done right by in whatever way and to leave people’s dignity intact, and to do so in such a way that cannot be co-opted by white supremacists and the like— the most important way to do this is to attack the concept of parental authority, which (culturally) christian conservatives will never accept but will resolve basically all problems that result from the shape of religion as a non-elective membership propagated through the family (as structured by clergy etc etc, whatever).

inoffensive as this clause should be to anyone who claims to be part of the left — which must fundamentally oppose the family for either marxist reasons per engels or for other reasons — even anti-theism which very clearly takes this form is mistaken, usually on purpose, by many religious apologists, to be something it’s not. one of those things that get invoked is the very real white supremacism and imperialist thought that is too endemic in our circles. i’ll admit to tendencies herein appearing from time to time — including in myself, at times, regrettably — but i also insist that a large part of this is simply the fact that while religious people enjoy the benefits of community and avenues for discussion and review, many of us do not: all we have at this stage, sadly, is the diatribes of new atheists who consider christendom an important ‘bulwark’ to protect the ‘occident’ who are useless to anything but an insipid culture war. mistakes are going to be made, and i think some small leeway should be allowed those most ambitious of us who still have a clear and provable dedication to justice and equity (and this is in fact the point of any useful notion of freedom of speech), especially since what we currently have works for nobody except those who want first and foremost to remain comfortable— which is exactly what i believe describes so many anti-anti-theists, but we do in fact need an alternative.

it’s not easy to be leftist and religious and my heart goes out to those who try, even if i don’t ultimately think that where they are heading will allow them to keep their principles coherent and intact: members of one’s congregation and one’s spiritual leaders may tacitly condone or endorse ethnic cleansing in the levant, assorted infant genital maiming rituals, reifications of gender that only those least abject to it can find peace with (consider the humble theyfab), the imperative and exaltation of procreation, to name a few possibilities, which one then is implicitly required to respect in order to remain part of such communities, and i understand the struggle of wanting to be or remain part of those and to have to tangle with that. what i don’t understand then, though, is the abhorrence of people outside such circles who perform critique of the like: i simply do not agree with the fact that certain discussions should stay within the community and they should be well left alone in literally every way with no demands made given the fact that certain members in those communities who this harm is visited upon and whose membership isn’t elective (including all children) do not have voice or agency in those discussions — they deserve support and solidarity across cultural lines, especially as it’s apostates from so many religions who helped me survive and i will owe this to them forever — let alone those in the outgroup who fall victim to the real geopolitical consequences of the substance of certain positions that proliferate in some of these communities, as is now more relevant than ever. this latter aspect is obvious to even the progressive religious apologist, however… at least those conservatives, both inside the congregation and in much more conservative movements don’t threaten what they perceive to be the faith.

an instantiation of this which i will see even most progressive religious people abhor is the notion that any religion is tied, inherently, to not just a nation, but a state. and so they can quibble with their zionist peers and spiritual leaders on this, because both of them have one thing in common: the idea that even if one’s religion/culture is not most meaningfully embodied through state, it is through family, and the criticism of the conservative that the progressive has is not that they are wrong, but merely inauthentic and clinging to something unnecessary, but they are not. i vehemently disagree: the nature of most organised religions has changed through both necessity and acknowledged moral imperative. why can a religion which doesn’t transmit through the family (one of only adult converts perhaps) be envisioned— which in turn wouldn’t depend so heavily on the reification of bodies and family immanent in the aforementioned (a conclusion worth stressing on its own)? if you ask me, it’s a matter of a lack of courage borne from a lack of understanding of history— one may want to read doubt: a history by jennifer michael hecht who is considered jewish according to halakha (for however much that fucking means) who speaks on what the german jews in the 19th century, understanding that they could either stay stuck in the present (and thus have their worldview eventually become as farcical as those who believed that recreating the temple era of judaism was either viable or desirable in any histiographical or theological sense as a result of you know, history historying) or establish those principles which they believed were actually important that could be passed on regardless of how judaism was envisioned before. their work, however hegelian in nature, produced some of the greatest minds even among their apostates, including theodor adorno. turns out that even when people become philosophers rather than rabbis (or ministers, or imams, or gurus), they have plenty to offer, there is wisdom and value in exalting sagehood above the pulpit and how the pulpit must always lay down the law for the mechanisms of familial transmission.

consider second, the ancient greeks: the ancient greeks no longer possess the structures required to exercise their worldviews and theodicies as a bloc (in diaspora or otherwise). regardless, many of their concepts and wisdoms persist in various cultures literally all across the worlds, including mine: their strands of cultural dna have germinated in a larger cosmopolitan phenotype, and i believe this is beautiful and worthwhile in its own right, and in no way whatsoever a loss. sure, their influence might not be recognisable as an enduring culture, but does that make it any less valuable? no, not in the slightest. the fact is, once you are on the other side this is the most normal thing in the world, nobody will mourn it, and everyone who wishes to return will be easily dismissed as entertaining a fantasy. the only way to forestall this is in fact a tautological clinging to the present which will necessarily through the course of history become an immanence of reaction, after all, the prime fallacy of reactionary thought is that it is in fact possible to recreate the past, which is plainly not true except perhaps for aesthetic but which will regardless necessarily be rooted in the current conditions of the world. all that forestalling this progression constitutes is the insistence on the completely artificial. much like the workings of the state are one that imposes a false reality, a phantasm, a reification onto the world, so with family, and literally the moment you stop propping it up it will be superceded. let me repeat that: supercession is inevitable, and the most sophisticated elements of any culture acknowledge this and have for literal centuries (although some cultures are ahead of others in this regard by-and-large). for every generation of a culture persisting as itself, apostates and deviants emerge and at this rate they have done more for the progress within any cultural body than will ever happen within such cultural bodies, which must begrudgingly acknowledge that they are dependent on modernity in order to make any progress at all (and as such, will wither away together with modernity), although of course they will deny this at any front— the adaptation of any covenant is desperately contingent on integration and naturalisation of the apostate and the ��modern’, or at least her wisdom , which the embodied religious individual will then, of course, pretend to practisee more ‘maturely’ than the apostate because they insist on integrating it in a neutered fashion where it is stripped of future potential of development until the next steal comes along, which is better than fully embodied anti-atheism as the ever-sublating struggle against entropy, for some fucking reason.

this is the promise of ‘externality’ that foucault dreamt of: that there is a way of thinking ‘outside the box’ that allows us to once and for all dispel and move on from the ways of thinking that we cannot think outside of. derrida then disputed him by arguing that there is no outside context. derrida is right— regardless, i remain optimistic: perhaps this cosmopolitan neotenous emergence is a culture in itself, but it is as divergent from what came before as christianity is to judaism, and islam to both christianity and judaism. all it takes is courage, and once the leap of faith has been made, this state of affairs will be the most normal thing in the world. in light of this, the claim that anticlericalism is simply an outwash of christendom becomes obviously farcical and a clear double standard when one considers in juxtaposition their insistence that christianity is divergent from what came before, even though in both cases (christendom versus judaism, anticlericalism versus christendom) perhaps some commonality in language exists and perhaps some people exist who have not managed to estrange themselves from the trappings of christian thought— not to mention the worldwide history of anticlericalism that is yet to be integrated which exists exactly because clericalism necessarily has the same structure and function across all religions. join me in this supercessionist bliss, reject the idea that chronology of thought implies that successors are one and the same as what they draw upon or co-opt, and help usher in the only future world worth conceiving of, resting easy and comfortable in the truthful rejection of the notion that any culture needs to cling to the notion of familial transmission to have any worth at all or that its existence as such is inevitable. the complete and utter nullification of familial logic will happen regardless of whether you want it or not anyway, because it is as artificial as the logic of nation and state and likewise unsustainable and on its death march— this is the one and final eschatology of this world which is not a threat, but a promise, since it will (and can) not be the result so much of repression but of religion collapsing under its own weight, and this much is only uncomfortable to those who are disciples to the family regardless of whether they admit it to themselves or not.

[sakuras-divorce-lawyers]

TLDR: Don't weaponize buzzwords againat other minorities. Watch out for hateful rhetoric in left-wing spaces. Radfems are the leftist equivalent of far right christian conservatives.

There has been a huge increase in terfs that I see around fanbases and it makes me sad. I am going to make this post about radfem takes I have seen in the naruto fanbase recently:

"Sakura is not a lesbian, you are delusional for trying to turn a gross straight character into a lesbian"

This is radfem rhetoric because they are demeaning female characters for not meeting their standards of what a goid woman is. This us the same logic used to demean transwomen and sex workers.

"Sasunarus don't really ship Sakuino, they are just fujoshis that are pretending to like wlw to hide the fact that they're a fetishizer."

This is radfem rhetoric because it is labelling shippers of mlm as "gross fetishizers" and liars for liking their mlm content. Radfems are often homophobic against gay men, therefore are overly critical of mlm media.

Accusing people of calling them a slur when its very clear that it never happened [example: someone says "m/f ships are valid :)" and someone comments "omg I can't believe you just called me a fag 😰"

Radfems don't really care about activism, they just want to be hurtful to minorities that they don't like and use "activism" as an excuse to justify their cruelty. Harsh accusations like this are an example of the typical bullying and harrassment that radfems use to weaponize against strangers in over to feel morally superior to them. They aren't even willing to provide genuine arguments that don't include insults/buzzwords

Additionally, I want to list some other common radfem/radfem adjacent beliefs you might see around. Radfems love trying to manipulate feminists into joining in their spewing their hateful, lgbt+phobic rhetoric:

Instead of believing that all people regardless of gender should fight against the patriarchy, radfems believe that men are the enemies of women

Radfems believe that porn/sex work involving women are fundamentally misogynist and any woman that participates in it is a bad woman who is "brainwashed" by the partiarchy

Radfems believe that trans amab people are predators

They believe trans afab people are misogynists for not wanting to be women

They believe gay men are misogynists for not liking women (trans gay men are often labelled as "gross fujoshi that fetishized men so much that they convinced themselves they were a man" which is incredibly transphobic ans homophobic)

They are very, very discriminatory to people who don't fit into the binary genders

Some of them will argue that being asexual/demisexual is wrong and being pansexual is biphobic. This is once again an example of them weaponizing buzzwords against people who don't fit their arbitrary standards for gender/sexuality

If you are a radfem, I hope you realize that you are hurting minorities with your hateful beliefs. Please have discussions with inclusionists and trans people and listen to their voices.

If you believe any of these things but don't identify as a radfem, I am not exactly accusing you of being a radfem. BUT, I am asking you to reconsider your beliefs while reading this post.

My phrasing obviously isn't 100% perfect and their are some nuances that I didn't bring up, but you should still keep an eye out for these types of arguments.

Think carefully about the implications for certain things you say/think. Having "Fuck terfs" in your bio is not enough to fight back against the rampant homophobia and transphobia that people have experienced.

Thank you for reading :)

[leahclearwaterdefensesquad]

jessicajnp huge homophobe and ships jake x renesmee/is complicit in pedophilia/grooming in general

Hey anon, you are absolutely right! I just checked @jessicanjpa 's blog and WHEW. That's definitely one for the blocklist. Women who feel the need to point out they're "Christian moms" in their bios already set off alarm bells, for me at least.

I reblogged that post b/c obviously I want to spread the link to donate to the Quileute tribe, but I have deleted it now. There's other posts I can rb/make myself. You are so right, it's bad. I even took screenshots for proof.

TW/CW Homophobia, pedophilic shipping, being a complete self-centered bitch.

Proof of her supporting that nasty ass ship. jfc. I may come back and hyperlink these posts when I'm not on mobile.

And now for the homophobia. This is the ask she was sent where I think she first aired her shitty views.

"aNd OnLy tHe aCt nOtHiNg tO dO wItH tHe iDeNtItY" fucking dumbass karen is what she is.

"If you're enthusiastic about hateful ideology, please stay away from me" THE AUDACITY ON THIS BITCH LITERALLY ALL OF THIS MAKES ME ENTITLED TO SHOVE MY BOOT UP HER ASS!!! As IF homophobia in and of itself isn't already hateful!!!

"I prefer not to endorse or legitimize the act of homosexuality..." Literally everything you see from the link on the bottom does nothing to counteract this statement and Ik - I read the whole fucking thing.

I'll post the screenshots here so y'all can see the self-centered bullshit she calls an apology. Everything I underlined in red is more proof of homophobia or just outright stupidity. Then again, the whole thing is as well.

"... like I tried to explain before, I wasn't homophobic" I would like this @jessicanjpa to know that I am morally opposed to heterosexuality :////. I don't like to endorse it, I mean being str*ight??? What about the children!!! These ppl ship pedophilic ships for God's sake!!!! Their children get exposed to heterosexism and misogynistic gender roles as babies!!! I mean, I won't tell someone that is a cisgendered heterosexual - ugh, it makes me shudder just to say the words - that what they do is simply wrong, but it just - ugh, I just can't legitimize it. It's just too much for me!

... and I mean, if I were to force myself to reckon with the existence of heterosexuality and that I'm heterophobic, I would have to make it all about me and my journey of pseudo spiritual understanding instead of actually LEARNING that the views I still hold are monumentally stupid and harmful. And criticizing my jOuRnEy to understand the heterosexuality issue is just bullying >:(. Calling out and criticizing me out for being heterophobic is just. BULLYING!!! >:(((((

It's just that these people are so hateful!!! 😫 They try to pass laws to okay the discrimination of us gay, bi, and trans folks - look at the current news from here in the so-called Land of the Free! They still try to put us through conversion therapy and even murdering us for merely existing!! It's not like we do that to them - there aren't any laws forcing the str*rights to undergo conversion therapy or being told that they are influenced by the Devil (they are tho). Even though I'm trying to unlearn my heterphobia, I just can't get past these several things about even today's Heterosexual Movement😠!! I'm just me, after all!!! Why do I have to fear for my life in my own home just because they think it makes them proper Christians!!! 😓 I'm trying to unlearn y'all, I truly am!

One day, folks, I'll get there. I'll be able to not interact with a hetero and not cringe on the inside when they're affectionate in front of me. One day, maybe I'll reblog a hetero ship or fanart! One day, maybe I'll write Leah or Rosalie with a man instead of being a huge ole pussy slurping/girl dick sucking lesbian - actually no, that's a lie, that'll never happen.

If anyone doesn't understand why what I underlined (or anything else in those posts, for the matter) is homophobic, I'm not gonna hold your hand for you. Miss Jessica, you don't have to feel comfortable with us homosexuals (also, just say gay or lesbian for fuck's sake, and no, you don't deserve to be asked nicely), bisexuals, transgender people (including non binary ppl ofc), pansexuals, queer ppl, asexuals, or intersex folk. It's not your stupid journey that matters, it's that you think that being LGBT+ is wrong, no matter how you try to word it or what ignorant shit you spit up to justify it. Grow up, you conservative. We don't have time for your bullshit.

And I just want to thank anon real quick for letting me know the douchebag that I reblogged from. I never mean to purposely rb from the bigots so just lmk like anon did and I'll fix that. ❤

[rotationalsymmetry]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well. I saw your post about UUs and I myself am one as well! I was wondering if maybe you could explain some of the issues there are in UU congregations so I can better understand what’s going on. I can’t change much, but I’d like to know what can be improved and how I can better use my privilege. Thank you :)

Hi there. Thanks for reaching out. I think. Oof. Are you sure you want to ask this? I don’t have a really straightforward “here’s precisely what Unitarian Universalism needs to do to improve (broken down into concrete, realistic steps!)” I have a whole tangle of feelings and personal biases and incredibly subjective experiences. OK? All right. With that disclaimer out of the way. Eh, actually, more disclaimer: all institutions have problems. There are things that Unitarian Universalism does better than most other religious institutions. There’s a reason I was going off about what I like about UU before what I dislike. This is not saying that Unitarian Universalism is bad. OK?

Putting in a cut because this is long:

Unitarian Universalism has an ongoing, well-known problem around being kind of fuzzy around what it is and what it wants to be. Do we draw on multiple faiths, and if so what does that look like in practice? Are we Christianity lite? Are we basically a bunch of secular humanists who like to get together and sing sometimes? How far exactly does (or should) our tolerance stretch?

Unitarian Universalism has a whiteness issue and a class issue. Now, I’m white, so the race part isn’t mainly coming from my own experience. There’s something I’ve seen that sums it up well, but I can’t find it right now. Basically: there’s a bit of a tendency for UU’s to nominally want to more diverse congregations, but when a new person of color shows up, sometimes they get treated kind of...weirdly. Like they’re not one of us and not going to be.

a bit more on UU and race here: x

And, class wise, I was raised middle class, but I’ve been broke for an awful lot of my adulthood and a lot of the people I know in my generation (Millenials) are broke/struggling financially. So when the lead minister of my congregation made some random comment about having trouble attracting young people because church and brunch with friends are competing for the same time slot. I thought of a young adult in the congregation who was active in the youth group but couldn’t make it to Sunday worship because he had to work on Sundays. And the time one of my coworkers got a promotion at my workplace, and definitely she was competent and I don’t begrudge her getting it, but also she ended up working an awful lot of Sundays and that was very likely a factor in her getting the promotion. And I’d been trying to avoid pledge drive Sunday for years because it always, every time, made me feel like I wasn’t really welcome if I couldn’t contribute much financially, even when I was contributing a great deal of my time. This is subjective and it could mostly be an issue with my then congregation. But I don’t think it is.

While Unitarian Universalism likes to think of itself as trans friendly, and it’s certainly much friendlier than some denominations, sometimes it drops the ball. Here’s an apology for an article about trans people that centered a cis person’s perspective and had some other issues: x

Anecdotally, subjectively, etc: this is an issue across the board. Unitarian Universalism’ self-image and what the organization actually is has a substantial gap. I attended a few workshops at GA this year, and: on the surface, great! So many workshops on such great anti-oppressive topics! But...when I actually went to the workshops, it was unsatisfying. It felt very introduction-ish. Maybe that was on purpose. But...I was hoping for better. 

Super anecdotally: UU’s tend to forget that disabled people exist. UU’s tend to not support disabled people and parents of disabled children.

Back to the “are we Christianity Lite?” thing. I dropped out of seminary. One part of thatwas this: x  Another was that at the time (it’s apparently since changed) the MFC requirements (uh, this is getting a bit technical: congregations ordain ministers, but in practice fellowshipping is important as well, and that’s what the MFC does, basically it’s saying other UU ministers think you should be a UU minsiter) prioritized knowledge about Christianity and the Bible over knowledge of other religions, even though nominally Unitarian Universalism is not Christian and Christianity isn’t especially prioritized in our Six Sources. As someone who is not Christian and didn’t expect my future ministry to involve a lot of Bible talk and really didn’t think prioritizing knowledge of the Bible among our religious leaders was good for the denomination as a whole, this bothered me. A lot. (For what it’s worth, most Starr King classes were actually really good at not doing this.) (The classes that did, though, made me want to tear my hair out. And made me wonder if this denomination I was studying to be a minister in, was the same as the denomination I’d participated in as a lay person for years.)

This is hard to put into words. But: sometimes people will say they believe a thing, but their follow-through is bad. Or they say one thing but act another way -- not because they’re lying, but because what they believe on the surface hasn’t been fully internalized. This is, anecdotally etc, a really common issue in Unitarian Universalism.

More super anecdotal etc: UU’s need to break the habit of seeing RE as daycare, and worship services that involve kids as being about showing off the kids to the adults. I took a quick look at you and it says you’re 18, so if you grew up UU you probably have your own opinions on this. But...sometimes the adult congregation and the kids’/youth programs are entirely separate worlds, and that’s not healthy for congregations.

YMMV: I’m not a huge fan of approaches to worship that involve sitting passively for most of the service. If the worship is going to be the same whether you’re there or not, why bother showing up? (Obviously some congregations are more like this than others, and apparently some people like the “lecture and a concert” format?? I’m not one of them.)

Basically, I think UU’s need to work on connection more and mutual support of each other more. While I approve of the social justice focus of course, social justice starts at home. You need to support the people who are actually in your congregation. I moved a year and a half ago, and haven’t joined my local congregation. Why? Because my illness makes it almost impossible to go anywhere in the mornings, and while they livestreamed each worship service, before the pandemic (presumably it’s all zoom worship now), there was zero effort to actually include anyone watching the livestream. Not so much as a PDF of the order of service. No verbal acknowledgement that some people aren’t present in the room. Nothing. (Side note: I tried one worship service at a “normal” congregation after the pandemic started, and all the mourning of not being able to be together in person was extremely frustrating to me, since I hadn’t been able to attend in person worship before the pandemic either. No one was thinking of people like me, and it was really, really obvious. I’ve since joined Church of the Larger Fellowship.) You say you want to use your privilege. That’s great! Some thoughts.

Trans people: How’s your congregation on pronouns? If your congregation uses nametags, can you push to normalize people putting their pronouns on nametags? What’s the bathroom situation: is it clear that trans women (whether you currently have any trans women in your congregation or not) can use the women’s bathroom? Is there a unisex bathroom that non-binary people and binary people who don’t feel safe using “their” bathroom can use? Also: a lot of older people weren’t raised with this and never really caught up, (and tbf some young people are ignorant too) so there’s a need for some trans 101 education.

Disability: for zoom worship, is there closed captioning for people who have hearing impairments or language processing issues? For live worship, what’s being done to make sure deaf and hard of hearing people are included? What’s being done for blind people (eg, electronic copies of the order of service being available for people who are blind but have screen readers?) For people who just have a little trouble seeing, are there large-print orders of service? What about the agendas for committee meetings and so on? This doesn’t have a quick fix, but are there places in your congregation that can’t be reached in a wheelchair? What about the chancel? (ie that area that the minister and whoever else is leading worship is speaking from?) Is there a wheelchair-accessible entrance that’s open during worship but closed during other programming?

How’s ministry to people who are sick or injured or just too old to get out much? And: is that support available to newer or prospective members, or only people who contributed to the congregation first? How available is information on how to get that kind of support: is it a thing where only some people are in the know, or is there outreach?

Are there unspoken rules about who’s the “right kind” of person to be in the congregation and who isn’t?

Sexual harassment, abuse, etc: is there a clear way to report sexual harassment? Does everyone know what it is? Does the congregation have a policy for what happens if a congregant is accused of sexual abuse? If a minister is? What's the congregation’s child abuse prevention policy? Do the people who work/volunteer with kids know what to do if a child or teen reports abuse to them? Are they screened in any way?

What accommodations does RE make for special needs children? If a child needs one on one assistance, does the RE program force the parent to provide that assistance if the child is to be part of the program?

What’s the policy on support animals? (these days: what’s the policy on emotional support animals?) How are the needs of people with allergies or other issues with dogs etc, balanced with the needs of people who benefit from support animals? (This can be tricky, I’m not saying there’s a clear right/wrong here, but it’s something that can make a congregation inaccessible.)

I don’t know the details on this, but I know sensory issues can be a problem for some people, eg flickering overhead lights. Scents can be an issue for some people, one possible solution is to have part of the sanctuary marked scent-free, dunno how well that plays out in practice.)

Representation: who’s speaking up during worship, and what are they speaking about? Something to be aware of.

Us/Them language: especially relevant if you’re speaking to the congregation during worship, but important in casual coffee hour chat too: who’s “us” and who’s “them”? Do people in your congregation tend to talk about, say, people below the poverty line as “them”? Homeless people? Black people? Immigrants?

Finding ways of making small talk that aren’t “what do you do for a living?”

I haven’t said anything about racism yet; a lot of congregations have some sort of anti-racist discussion group or something? Those things are good; there’s only so much they do by themselves, but as part of a larger whole, they’re important. Also, presence at Black Lives Matter protests, putting up a Black Lives Matter banner or sign if your congregation hasn’t done that, stuff like that.

Oh, culture and music and stuff. What kind of music gets played. Congregations that have made a specific attempt to be multiracial often find it’s necessary to do a lot of hashing out of what the music is going to be like.

And there’s a representation aspect to who gets quoted.

Small Group Ministry/Covenant groups: my former congregation liked to ask what your demographic info is and then split things up for “diversity” purposes. This is actually a really bad idea. In a congregation that’s mostly white, it means that often the non-white people end up being the only non-white person in their groups. Great for white people who want to “experience diversity”, but not so great for actual poc. My congregation had enough queer people that it wasn’t one queer person per group, but I could see that maybe happening in other places. And I think it did tend to separate out trans people into separate groups.

Cultural appropriation/cultural misappropriation: uff. I think some people go off the deep end on this. But, some things to consider. If the congregation is doing something to celebrate a Jewish holiday, is it run by someone who is Jewish or is of Jewish heritage? Stuff like that. Sometimes Unitarian Universalists’ desire to be all multicultural and interfaith and stuff, leaves out important things like “is this part of the culture that it’s ok for outsiders to share?” and “are we actually in relationship with this group of people?” And “are we cherry picking messages from sacred texts that we like, and leaving out the stuff we don’t like, when it’s not our sacred text and we don’t have enough context to do that respectfully?” x for overview and in more detail x

Also RE: is this Native American story one that it’s actually OK for us to tell? I’m not necessarily suggesting you go over what other people are doing, but if you’re teaching RE yourself, you get a say in what you teach.

If you happen to be a UU pagan or there’s a CUUPS group at your congregation that you sometimes participate in, there’s kind of a ton of work about untangling cultural appropriation in specifically pagan spaces, honestly I don’t know where to start with that. Don’t put that on yourself if you’re not part of that kind of group though, focus on groups you are part of.

Land acknowledgements.

Oftentimes if someone brings up an issue that requires work to change it, especially a younger person, the people who get stuff done are going to be, “ok, that sounds like work, we’ve already got a ton on our plate so are you going to do it?” So, if you offer to do some of the work of running the congregation, you’ll be in a better place to implement these sorts of changes. (I know a lot of times older adults don’t want to trust young adults with responsibility, so it might take some time to earn trust.) But also some are things you can just do: like you can say your pronouns every time you introduce yourself or put your pronouns on disposable nametags, if you’re comfortable with it.

General advice: you don’t have to (and shouldn’t try to) change everything at once. Be aware of a lot of things and be willing to be a “follower” on a lot of things. Signing petitions, saying “yes, that sounds like a good idea,” stuff like that. Be a leader on a small, manageable number of things. Maybe see what other people in your congregation are already doing that seems like a step in the right direction, and see how you can support that. Some of what UU’s are already doing is already really good, and most likely there’s already people around you who want Unitarian Universalism to act in closer alignment with its ideals.

[pokeheros-drama]

Ooo apparently I didn’t scroll down enough. I’m blind lol. “No Taavi, I'm gonna disrespect your religion if it includes being discriminatory towards minorities Deal with it lmao.” Honestly you should do your research first. My religion was the first religion who was against discrimination. We gave women their rights before anyone else. We made slavery a sin before anyone else. We gave black people equal rights before anyone else. My religion is against discrimination. We were the first to treat people outside our religion as equals. So don’t you bring this discrimination thing to me. We believe there is a difference between choices and things which he have no choice over. Caste, colour, creed, sex etc are things you can’t choose. Our religion and in some cases sexuality are things we can choose. We do not disrespect. We do not force you to become Muslims and start believing in what we believe In. We do not force our practices on you. In a Muslim state a Christian, a gay, and everyone of the minorities can live with security and with respect as long as they follow the law. That is Islam. That is my religion. Im not denying Muslims have done hate crimes in the past. But don’t forget Christians have too. There are black sheep’s who show extremist behaviour everywhere. But that is not our religion. If besides all that you continue to disrespect my religion and judge it based on the extremists. Then that just shows who you are as a person and you should be ashamed. “If your religion told you to jump off a bridge when you turn 50 would you still do that? If your religion told you black people were a mistake would you still believe that? If your religion told you in order to go to heaven you had to kill somebody would you still follow it?” As stated earlier my religion was the first one to give black people their rights so them being a mistake is out of question. I doubt my religion would ever tell me anything like this. But for questions sake. No I won’t kill the person. At least not without knowing why they want me to kill the person. But unless it’s not anything major no I won’t kill him. Again as stated before I don’t just blindly follow my religion. I have been given a brain to differentiate right from wrong. So I use it to decide if I want to do something or not. About the jumping from bridge. I believe enough in my religion to know it won’t just ask me to do something for no reason. But to be honest unless they tell me that reason I won’t jump. Again as stated before I don’t just blindly follow my religion. I have been given a brain to differentiate right from wrong. So I use it to decide if I want to do something or not “Taavi shut the fuck up already, no one cares about ur long ass replys.” You cared enough to write this. Just don’t read them if you don’t want to. “Her age was never specified on the feed. Age and sex aside, nobody owes it you to be nice. By posting that feed publicly, it shows that you're still salty over their actions despite you "understanding and not insisting anymore".” Yeah I never mentioned her exact age. True. But I clearly remember saying child/girl and not women. So don’t spin my words please. I wasn’t salty about her not being nice, I was salty about the things that drove her to be like that. I was salty about the world we live in, in which kids have to afraid of other people offering help. Whether that is the fault of society or the way this stupid world works. And honestly if you can’t understand that then there’s no point in continuing this. “I don't even know Taavi but honestly if you defend homophobic/transphobic/racist/sexist/bigoted people you're no better than the people you're defending. People have been murdered for this. Killed in the fucking streets. Executed in their own homes. And even if they're not killed, you cannot fathom the mental and emotional abuse these people face every day just for being "different from the norm." Any religion that says "turn a blind eye to bigotry uwu" is a shitty-ass religion. Trans rights.” Ok so first the people you are mentioning are extremists. I’d like to make it clear I am against all kinds of extremist behaviour. Sadly there are extremists in every religion and society. let’s just say for a second that person A is trans. Person B is transphobic. They are against trans people. They hate them, don’t respect them and believe they shouldn’t have equal rights. Person C is not transphobic. They respect trans people. They treat them as equal and believe they should have equal rights. They just don’t support them. They don’t believe being trans is the right thing to do but if someone is they got nothing against it. Now Person A is in the white zone. Person B is in the black zone. You guys automatically put person C in the black zone too when in reality they are a shade of grey. So does person C deserve the same witch hunt person B gets? No they don’t. Yet they are treated the same. Does everyone has to support you to be a good person and if they don’t see eye to eye with you they are automatically a bad person? Then explain the difference between you and the person B? Why is it just not ok to just like not support anything. I treat you with respect as much as I treat the straights. I don’t judge you. Why can’t just not be enough? You guys want equal rights? What more equality you need? We literally treat you the same. “Taavi listen man I try very hard to understand where you're coming from and I don't believe you deserve hate at all, but I really don't understand what you want to sway your opinion on the subject at hand. Truth be told, you arent lgbtq, so you have No idea what the oppression and hate we face is like. So of course some of us will get rightfully upset when you say homophobes don't deserve the witch hunt. I personally try to educate before berating someone but even then some people aren't homophobic because they're uneducated, they are like that because it's safe for them to be that way in the eyes of Society(3). So to other lgbtq people the first resort is to make homophobia something to be ashamed of, so that, you know, less hatecrimes are committed. Obviously you wouldn't understand this though, or at least not as much as we do, because you arent lgbtq. You have talked to me and my friend and we try our best to help educate you so I dont get why you haven't changed your opinion really. Just because some others get mad at you, from years of repressed oppression? I just don't understand it. - pokeheroes dot com user Riordan-“ First of all I respect you a lot for not hiding behind the mask of anonymity. More then anyone on here at least. As mentioned above all I want is for people to not treat us people in the grey zone the same way they treat the people in the black. Yes sure we aren’t in the white. But we aren’t in the black either. We don’t deserve this witch hunt these people start every time. My friends aren’t even transphobic but they just labelled them as one and continue to spout hate about them. I honestly myself believe that the people who harm others deserve the criticism yes, but me or my friends never harmed anyone. Name one person I disrespected, or treated badly just cause they were not straight. I’m sorry I can’t agree with everyone on the matter that it’s perfectly alright to be gay or whatever. I won’t force my opinion on you. I won’t ask you to stop being you. I won’t judge you just cause of that. I will respect you as much as I do others. All I want it you do the same. I’m not harming anyone. So why do you force your opinions on me. Why can’t you respect me? Why do you judge me? As to the part of you guys educating me. Trust me that is seriously very much appreciated. Maybe one day I will change my opinions. That day isn’t here yet sadly. Also I do understand the oppression they feel. Trust me I know it a lot more then you would think. (Maybe one day you will but that day isn’t t near) I also understand the hate you are talking about. It isn’t much different from the hate islamophobics give to Muslims. Just for being a Muslim I’ve been hated in the past. Just for being from Pakistan I’ve been hated in the past. That’s why I’m saying. There are people who just don’t support your views. I have seen aethists, Christians, Hindus and many more who don’t meet eye to eye with me on my views. They don’t consider my beliefs right. I don’t consider theirs. But we respect each other’s beliefs. You know? It wouldn’t be fair to categorise those who don’t look eye to eye with me but still respect me and treat me the same way they treat others in the same category as people who are against my beliefs and just wish Islam would disappear from this world. Who don’t respect me and my beliefs. Get what I’m saying? Honestly I could care less if people start getting attracted to their cars or their frying pan. It’s their choice. Sure I won’t support it. I won’t be like it’s perfectly alright to be like that. But I won’t be against it either. If someone is that’s their choice. I don’t care. I will treat them the same I treat any other person. End of story. ~~~~~~~ Love Taavi

[aroworlds]

Fiction: The Pride Conspiracy, Part One

December isn't the best time of year for a trans aromantic like Rowan Ross, although—unlike his relatives—his co-workers probably won't give him gift cards to women's clothing shops. How does he explain to cis people that while golf balls don't trigger his dysphoria, he wants to be seen as more than a masculine stereotype? Nonetheless, he thinks he has this teeth-gritted endurance thing figured out: cissexism means he needn't fear his relatives asking him about dating, and he has the perfect idea for Melanie in the office gift exchange. He can survive gifts and kin, right? Isn't playing along with expectation better than enduring unexpected consequences?

Rowan, however, isn't the only aromantic in the office planning to surprise a co-worker.

To survive the onslaught of ribbon and cellophane, Rowan's going to have to get comfortable with embracing the unknown.

Contains: A trans allo-frayro trying to grit his teeth through the holidays, scheming aro co-workers, a whole lot of cross-stitch, another moment of aromantic discovery, and many, many mugs.

Content Advisory: A story that focuses on some of the ways Western gift-giving culture enables cissexism and a rigid gender binary, taking place in the context of commercialised, secular-but-with-very-Christian-underpinnings Christmas. Please expect many references to said holiday in an office where Damien hasn't figured out how to run a gift exchange without subjecting everyone to Santa, along with characters who have work to do in recognising that not everybody celebrates Christmas.

There are no depictions or mentions of sexual attraction beyond the words "allosexual" and "bisexual" and a passing reference to allo-aro antagonism, but there are non-detailed references to Rowan's previous experiences with and attitudes towards romance and romantic attraction as a frayromantic. Please also expect casual references to amatonormativity and other shapes of cissexism.

Length: 4, 914 words (part one of two).

Note: You'll need to have read The Vampire Conundrum for many references to make sense.

Rowan should be assumed an Australian character in an Australian city. Our Christmas, therefore, involves hot weather, short sleeves, barbecues and confusion at certain holiday traditions common in the Northern Hemisphere. 

They’re aromantic. How isn’t he obligated to help decorate her desk in as many pride-related ways as possible? 

“It’s Secret Santa slash December Holiday Gift Exchange!” Damien emerges from the meeting room, shaking a paper-scrap-filled jar with the gleeful attitude of a toddler attacking a pile of presents. In order to give the occasion suitable gravitas, he draped a rope of red tinsel over his shoulders, the fronds glittering in the flicker-prone lighting. “Come gather!”

Rowan looks up from his computer, biting back a groan. This isn’t a surprise, given that Shelby answered his interview questions about “workplace culture” with descriptions of their celebrating capitalist-infused Christian holidays, and the office more than lives up to that promise. A tree sits on the front counter, its branches crammed with baubles. Tinsel hangs on everything from which tinsel can be hung and rests in snake-like coils over the computer towers, screens, desk partitions and the large corkboard. Ribbon-wrapped pencils topped with felt trees, stars and stockings flowered, overnight, from everyone’s pen mugs; Melanie gave Rowan three of them for his frayro mug. Every desk features a red bowl of tree-shaped marshmallows, candy canes or that weird Christmas lolly mix common in dollar shops.

Only the lack of music renders bearable this explosion of festivity. Damien said he drew that line last year after Melanie and Shelby alternated between Michael Bublé and Josh Groban’s Christmas CDs.

Rowan doesn’t want to think about that sublime horror.

Christmas to him means slipping a few TSO tracks into his melodic metal playlists and gritting his teeth until the new year.

“O come all ye faithful,” Melanie sings, spinning her chair around. Every day this week she’s donned a different Christmas-themed T-shirt; today’s features a screen-printed Rudolph head with an apple-sized nose made from red minky fleece. Rowan doesn’t understand the American “ugly Christmas jumper” thing—why?—but Melanie appears to be replicating the trend via short sleeves and jersey knits.

Damien jerks his elbow at the largest whiteboard, half filled with the Banned Holiday Decorations List—items including “music, carols, hymns and singing”, “all types of fake snow” and “Cadbury Crème Eggs”. “Didn’t we talk about carols?”

Rowan doesn’t want to be accused of being a dreadful, fun-loathing millennial about which too many articles have been written on dislike of office gift exchanges … but he doesn’t know how not to be one, either. Why do people like this? Buying presents for people who aren’t strangers but aren’t friends, hoping that his attempt isn’t too generic only to open something tailored to feminine cliché ... followed by the apologetic explanation or justification that Rowan isn’t easy to shop for.

Can’t he save himself fifteen bucks and skip the disaster?

He’s never understood how he presents a difficulty that isn’t cissexism and a lack of imagination: buy him good thread, expensive coffee, dress socks, a nice mug, food storage containers or fancy kitchenware. He’ll even take a cheap box of chocolates, since his housemates will eat anything should they believe it food. Just get him something that isn’t a floral-patterned bath set followed by the hand-wringing apology that the giver just doesn’t know what to get someone as confusing as Rowan!

Why don’t they ask him what he wants?

He’s over spending money and time on gift exchanges only to receive cissexism, dysphoria or stereotype wrapped in paper and tied with a bow.

Rowan draws a breath and slips his fingers under his thighs. He should have sent Damien an email when Melanie started decorating, but Rowan was thinking about pushing their print date back two weeks and not thinking about Mum’s out-of-nowhere request that Rowan attend the family Christmas. “Uh … Damien? Can I … quick word?”

Why did he get himself a new psychologist? One who says terrible words like assertiveness?

“Give us a minute.” Tinsel rustling, Damien crouches beside Rowan’s chair. “Will here do?”

If everyone overhears, Rowan can pretend he’s talking to one person while knowing they all benefit from his explanation. Besides, going into the meeting room makes this a thing. “Yeah. Um. I … I don’t usually get the right presents from people in gift exchanges. By which I mean ... presents that aren’t a reminder that they think me female, and if they give me enough nail polish and heart-shaped jewellery and glittery handbags, I’ll admit it. I don’t want that? Really don’t want that?”

Why do his parents want to play at being a happy family? Does Mum want to show off to Uncle Keith and his new wife? Have they forgotten how badly last Christmas went? Or is this just more cissexist assumption that Rowan will discard his masculinity when needed? If they behave as though Rowan should fit their expectations, will he—eventually—surrender to them?

I’m not being difficult because I want my masculinity and transness respected. I’m not...

Melanie leans over to poke Shelby’s shoulder, her bright red lips forming a ring.

Damien blinks, hesitating as if he doesn’t know how best to respond. “That ... sounds like my niece’s favourite birthday. Although she took the bag, put one of my sister’s dumbbells inside and swung it at the boy over the road who wouldn't stop calling her pretty. And then made an army of neighbourhood girls wielding heavy unicorn bags.” He shakes his head. “I mean that … you obviously aren’t a certain kind of eight-year-old or into glitter, so...”

If only Rowan had the nerve to do that to Aunt Laura! “I bet he never did that again.”

“No. I’ll make sure … that the person who has you gets you something appropriate.”

Inappropriately-feminine gifts aren’t his only difficulty. Rowan doesn’t how to voice something so complex (to cis, gender-conforming people) about gender and gift-giving without sounding like he’s complaining for the sake of complaining—the demanding, difficult trans man of his parents’ accusations. Most often he endures a cis female celebrity’s latest perfume, but well-intended “accepting” people give him an Old Spice gift set—acknowledging his masculinity at the cost of his personality. How do cis people not chafe at gift-giving traditions that assume people can be reduced down to one of two categories with narrow behaviours and interests ascribed to each?

It’s easier to draw the line at gifts that only avoid being the embodiment of the giver’s cissexism and donate everything else, as much as Rowan yearns for one year with a good present he doesn’t buy himself.

Will cis people ever understand that being trans means holding back on responding to cis nonsense?

“Thanks. Yeah, thanks.”

“Secret Santa slash December Holiday Gift Exchange rules!” Damien straightens, shaking the jar; paper rattles against glass. “Twenty-dollar limit, keep it fun, don’t give anything inappropriate for a professional environment. I want to be eating mince pies, not taking people into the meeting room for discussions on adulthood. We exchange on the last day, December 20.” He reaches into the jar, the neck a tight fit for his hands, and tweezers out a folded piece of paper before handing it to Rowan.

Damien shakes the jar again before offering another slip to Melanie and then Shelby.

Don’t people draw names themselves from the bowl or jar? Nobody else seems concerned by this lapse—Melanie starts laughing when she sees her name—so Rowan shrugs and opens his, deciding it must be normal enough.

The Aro Gods must be inclined to a little seasonal kindness, for he sees “Melanie” written in Damien’s handwriting.

No need to struggle through generic alternatives like food or wine; pride pins will make her happy enough. A pen? A mini aro flag? Choosing may be Rowan’s worst problem, but he can get her a few things and give her whatever’s over the limit after the exchange.

They’re aromantic. How isn’t he obligated to help decorate her desk in as many pride-related ways as possible?

“Rowan!” Melanie bustles over; he quickly slides his paper up his sleeve. She makes metallic jangling noises—words like “ringing” or “pealing” don’t apply—as she moves, thanks to a gold chain bracelet decorated with small bells at each link. Matching earrings dangle from her ears, clinking out of tune with the ones at her wrist. “Can I ask you something?”

He nods, hoping she’ll let pass unremarked his description of holiday cissexism.

“Where did you buy your flag patches? I want one. Well, maybe more than one, because there’s the aro flag, and the ace flag, and maybe one of the aro-ace flags, but I haven’t decided which one I like best since there’s several that are nice, and...”

Once-in-a-lifetime inspiration hits Rowan with finger-twitching force. “I don’t know,” he lies once Melanie runs out of steam. “Uh … a friend gave them to me and ... I don’t know where they bought them. Online, probably?” He swallows and tries for distraction, gambling his poor ability for falsehood against Melanie’s likely ignorance. “Maybe look on Etsy? I’d look on Etsy.”

“Etsy? What’s that?”

“Handcraft eBay,” he says in relief, thinking through his thread stash. “Where people sell handmade things. I don’t know when I’m seeing my friend next, but I can ask...?”

He’ll need purples, greens, greys, black, white—oh, and blues! A little orange, a little yellow. Has he enough fabric? What about time? Should he do the main ones first and then others as he can squeeze them in?

On the way home tonight, he’ll start by stopping at his local sewing store.

***

Rowan hits “send” on an email to Damien, ignoring Mum’s latest text, as Shelby bounds up to his desk. Like Melanie, she’s added Christmas T-shirts to her daily ensemble; unlike Melanie, Shelby’s T-shirts appear to come from a department store’s children’s section. Today’s shirt shows a cute-but-scientifically-inaccurate dinosaur in a Santa hat holding a red box. Also unlike Melanie, Shelby hasn’t added earrings, pins, necklaces, bangles or socks in honour of the season. “Yeah?”

Damien added “battery and USB-powered light-up objects” to the List after an office vote provoked by a flashing necklace that resembled miniature string lights.

Shelby whispers, meaning that she speaks in a raspier tone with volume enough that her standing on the other side of a crowded football oval needn’t impede one’s hearing. In fairness, Rowan has heard her speak over a hundred gossiping Year 7 students until they surrendered to the stubbornness of an older woman who doesn’t go to bed caring what they think of her. “Can you go through all the … the identities? Can you show them to me and tell me what colours go with them? Do they all have their own colours?”

Rowan can only sit and gape.

“Please? I need someone to go through them all.”

He lunges for his half-filled mug, hoping his perpetual need for coffee conceals his surprise. “You mean pride flags? Queer pride flags?”

“Please.” Shelby nods, grips his arm and gives a meant-as-comforting nutcracker-like squeeze before lowering her hand to fidget with her phone—a device likely dug up with the fossils from the dinosaur on her shirt. It doesn’t have a cover; he guesses she covered the back with multiple layers of washi tape coated in (yellowing) clear nail polish. He doesn’t ask why. “Maybe you can start with the ones you use, and that one Melanie has, and then tell me the other ones? There aren’t that many, are there?”

Rowan, lukewarm coffee in his mouth and heading down his gullet, chokes.

Several moments of spluttering and coughing, aided by Shelby’s enthusiastic back-pounding, pass before he can answer. “Uh … there’s lots, actually. Lots.” He considers explaining about Tumblr before deciding on the appropriate answer: a thousand kinds of nope. “Do you want gender ones, or sexuality ones, or aromantic ones, or...?”

Shelby’s blank, brow-creased expression shows that, if she read Rowan’s leaflet, his emails and the hand-outs provided by Damien’s trainers, the knowledge hasn’t stuck with her.

(They weren’t better than Rowan’s own and only mentioned aromanticism as a way of being asexual.)

“The ones you and Melanie use...?” She lowers her voice to a point where someone may, in theory, be unable to hear her from the other side of the room. “I want to get Melanie a little extra … something, this year. With a flag, maybe?” She jerks her elbow in the direction of Melanie’s mug, currently filled with something smelling of camomile and dish-water. “But I should know more about the other ones, too. Like yours. Can you show them all to me?”

There’s no way in this tinselled hell that Melanie can’t hear Shelby, yet Melanie appears engrossed in deleting emails.

Last week, Rowan said “aromantic” once to their newest volunteer in a conversation about the pride flags on their website. Seconds later, Melanie materialised from the hallway, passed over one of Rowan’s leaflets and introduced herself as aro-ace before giving a five-point rundown on ways to avoid casual amatonormativity—not that she’s yet comfortable saying the word—in the workplace. There’s no way she’s contemplating the mysteries of her trash folder while Rowan talks to Shelby about aromantic pride flags! Breathing “aro” aloud is now akin to summoning a demon—one revelling in the discovery of the identity that makes belated sense of her life.

“You want me to show you aromantic flags?” Rowan asks to clarify, baffled.

Shelby beams at him. “Yes, please.”

Melanie, frowning, deletes an email.

Did Damien have a word with her? Did the volunteer complain?

Rowan can’t say that he wants to play tour guide through the world of queer vexillology, but Shelby has gone five weeks without saying the phrase “you trans people” and two months without reassuring Rowan on the subject of pronoun-correction. He also knows Melanie and Shelby are friends outside of work, bonding over stage shows and music. If Shelby wants to support Melanie in her aromanticism, how can Rowan refuse?

While Rowan sat there planning the politest way to navigate the glaring error in the trainers’ leaflets, Melanie stood up, exclaimed that aromanticism isn’t the same thing as asexuality and demanded that they do some reading before engaging in “obvious aro denial”. He owes her. She scares him a little, but he owes her.

(Should Rowan master the ability to handle conversations and presentations, he may consider becoming a sensitivity trainer. That two-day workshop, while decent enough on gender and sexuality, left him again concluding that most queer alloros have no idea how to reference and include aromanticism in their conversations about queerness.)

Another Mum-authored text flashes up on his phone, displaying the words “Christmas”, “clothing” and “appropriately”.

No, no and hell no.

“Yeah, okay.” He bends down to grab his satchel, tucked against the left-hand side of his desk. A decent collection of patches and badges now covers the front flap, including his cursed-but-memorable “aro” patch. “That’s the trans pride flag, with the blue, pink and white, and beside it is the bisexual flag. The flag with the greens and black is the aromantic flag, and the allo-aro flag has the greens and gold. It’s pretty much the same as the aro flag, except with yellow and gold instead of grey and black.” He points at each patch as he moves through his explanation. “Allo—allosexual—aromantics are aros who experience sexual attraction.”

He’ll stick to simple definitions with Shelby, even if they lack ideal expansiveness.

Shelby nods, smiling.

“For me, it means I’m aromantic and bisexual. Aro-aces, like Melanie, are aromantic and asexual, meaning she doesn’t experience sexual attraction.” He almost asks her if she remembers what “aromanticism” means before realising that he’ll sound like a condescending primary-school teacher. “This flag with the blues, white and grey is the frayromantic flag, which designates the specific way I’m aro. The flag on Melanie’s mug—”

Shelby leans against his desk, her grey braid trailing over one arm. “So you have an aromantic flag and an allosexual aromantic flag? A special aromantic flag?”

Are they heading towards the sort of conversation that involves anger over “making up” identities outside the speaker’s reckoning of acceptable? Or does she mean “distinct”? “Ah … kind of? The green and black flag represents all aros—Melanie and me. The green and gold one’s just for me, and I don’t use her blue and orange one.”

For the first time in living memory, Melanie pays Rowan and Shelby no attention.

“I see! You want to reflect different types of aro.” Shelby almost says the word without unusual stress; Rowan considers applauding her but decides he won’t risk undermining his point on avoiding excessive overreaction to queer terminology. “Do you ever put the flags together? Like if you want to be both things at once?”

When isn’t he the state of multiple identities at once? Rowan decides she means “represent” instead of “be” and nods. “Yeah? Some people put a heart with the stripes of the aro flag in the middle of the trans or bi flags, but I don’t like that because using a heart to represent us all is a bit … eh. You know, heart, love, love hearts? Lots of people don’t care, though. I’ve also seen folks split them in an image, or have the stripes fade into each other. Like trans stripes fading into aro stripes.”

“And you like that better?” Shelby blinks, her blunt nails tracing the edge of the case. “Would Melanie like that? The aromantic flag fading into another one?”

There’s no way Melanie didn’t hear that—and no reason for her to say silent! Last month she told Rowan and Shelby to get mint chocolate cake for her birthday after walking in on them debating sponge versus cheesecake in the meeting room!

(Sponge, in Rowan’s opinion, is the classic cake format.)

“Yeah. It shows my identities together without using symbolism I find awkward.” Rowan lowers his voice, leaning closer to Shelby. “Melanie will probably go for the aromantic flag fading into or combined with the asexual flag, if you’re doing something with two flags. I don’t think she’d be into hearts, but a split image or fading? That’d work.”

Shelby straightens, beaming, and gives Rowan another firm arm-squeeze. “That’s great! Thank you so much for helping, Rowan!”

“Don’t you want to know more about aro-ace flags...?”

“No, that’s great!” Shelby, heading towards her own desk, no longer attempts to speak at anything not normal volume. “Aromantic into asexual! I’ll remember that!”

As Shelby turns, he catches a glimpse of the cracked screen on her phone—or, more specifically, the movement of her hand as she presses stop on her recording app.

Is that legal? It surely isn’t normal? Or is she an auditory learner, meaning she’ll learn best by playing the recording over … but in that case, why not say so? He could have directed her to YouTube videos and podcasts! Perhaps, though, she only shows her ignorance in digital etiquette, in the same way Rowan took Melanie aside to explain that the use of caps lock for the body of a promotional email violates good manners as much as—more than!—she thinks signing a form in red ballpoint? Should he complain about something suggestive of her willingness to understand him?

Rowan stares, shrugs and shakes his head as a third text pops up.

Sometimes it’s easier to just not ask.

Too bad that can’t apply as easily to family.

***

Rowan stands, yawns and stretches. His lunch half-hour beckons: sunshine spent with food, cross-stitch and a flock of pigeons tame enough to perch on the far end of his bench. Since today involved apologetic emails followed by a contrite phone call to his goddess amongst printers, time free of people feels like looming perfection. Just him, the pigeons, a sewing needle and the homemade pasty he hid from Matt inside a bag of frozen peas.

Any day in which he gets to enjoy his own cooking can’t be too terrible.

Perhaps he should do as his psychologist says: put a chest freezer in his bedroom and a lock on his door.

“Rowan!” Damien, his hair tousled enough to make Rowan think of a woolly mammoth in a sharp suit, carries a plate of something smelling like honey and chicken into the office. “While Melanie’s out, can you show me your mug shop? You said there’s a lot of aro-ace flags, right? Or would she want one like yours, the green one? I don’t get her something like your blue and green shield one, though?” He shrugs and sets the plate down on Rowan’s desk. “My wife’s friends with her sister and we got invited out, but there’s another swap. I don’t want to get her the wrong thing. Do you mind?”

At least Damien does the sensible thing of asking while Melanie’s out on lunch. Maybe this won’t take too long: Damien’s a terrible photographer with unreasonable expectations of Photoshop, but he does know how to buy things online.

“Yeah. Hold on.” Rowan opens up his browser just as his phone beeps. Nope, ignoring that. “I’ll show you what mugs I think she’d want.”

He hadn’t realised how many people here are friends with Melanie outside of work. It must be nice to have a regular social life that isn’t “being at work” and “sighing at housemates”, but there’s advantages in possessing the short holiday shopping list of family, a work gift exchange and a couple of friends. Besides, does anyone want one’s co-workers to know what happens at an outside party?

“Don’t ignore your phone because of me.”

“It’s Dad.” Since Rowan can’t find a pithy or amusing way to explain that Dad’s text message will be a guilt-trip ordering Rowan to come to Christmas for the sake of the family’s happiness followed by a second guilt-trip explaining how much his refusal to confirm has upset Mum, he just shakes his head.

You talked about this with the psychologist. Guilt. Trip.

He made an appointment for the second week of January; he should have made one in December as well.

“That bad?”

He can’t remember the specifics of his rant that day atop the desk, but he must have suggested at an interesting relationship with his parents. “Yeah.”

Did they forget telling Rowan that if he doesn’t like how they treat him, he can leave? They told Rowan that he isn’t welcome while he remains intolerant of them—while I expect them to treat me as I deserve. He left. Now they want him back to smile for the family photos?

What’s worse? Enduring a day of misgendering, deadnaming and cissexism, which shouldn’t result in unknown voyages of horror if he bites his tongue? Or avoiding short-term discomfort while gaining the long-term torment of the family’s schooling Rowan in appropriate Ross respect for blood and holidays? What chance is there of avoiding harassment if he doesn’t go?

Maybe he can leave off shaving for a week before Christmas and turn up with his new, albeit patchy, facial hair while wearing an op-shop debutante gown, so he “dresses appropriately” and “doesn’t confuse the relatives” as requested.

How many truckloads of Valium will he need for that?

“Rowan? Are you okay?” Damien, now sitting on an office chair, peers at him as though waiting for Rowan to do anything more than stare at the computer screen.

“Ugh. Sorry. Just thinking.” Rowan sighs and types in the shop’s name, bringing up their website, and then opens a second tab to another archiving different pride flags.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Damien asks in that gruffly-gentle voice, one that makes Rowan want to smash his fist through a window.

“Yeah, no.” Rowan draws a breath and points at the screen with a hand a too trembly for his liking. “So you’re going to want to know what flags represent what, because there’s a drop-down menu where you can choose from different flags...”

It’s easier to talk, easier to run through all the different flags in a depth of explanation Damien doesn’t request, easier to think about something that isn’t family—a subject with complexity enough to distract but without provocation enough to distress.

He doesn’t know if Damien asks questions from curiosity or kindness, but Rowan’s pasty becomes pastry crumbs scattered over his desk and keyboard; Damien’s chicken, half-eaten, sits cooling on its plate.

“So cupioromantic is the one where you want the relationship but you don’t feel romance?” Damien frowns and runs both oversized hands through his hair, now resembling a befuddled bear emerging after a long hibernation. “Why have a word for that? I mean, everyone feels like it isn’t one of those movies and dates anyway, so why specify that?”

“Where you don’t feel romantic attraction but desire a romantic relationship,” Rowan says, telling himself that Damien unknowingly regurgitates the tired “demiromanticism is normal” argument. Isn’t this better than looking at the fifth text message? “Some people need it to be a word. Movies aren’t that divorced from reality. They’re … too easy, too glossy, too perfect, too unrealistic, but...”

He sighs. Not dating brings many benefits, but Rowan has to admit that he misses the fun of falling in love, even if trouble always follows. Misses the fun of dreaming, hoping and fantasising; misses the bright, happy glow of being caught up in someone else. At risk of being considered a bad aro, he likes that glorious limerence pushing him to navigate people despite his gibbering anxiety! In some ways, knowing he’s capable of falling in love over and over feels heady and powerful; amatonormativity more than the nature of Rowan’s frayromanticism bestows difficulty on its aftermath.

I want to fall in love with you ... and after getting to know you, do it again with someone else, all the best bits of romance’s beginning on eternal repeat.

Instead, he avoids dating and the inevitable development of his partner’s hurt, surrendering to a world where his shape of attraction isn’t acceptable or reasonable. Albeit with a trace of bitterness that frayromanticism will be easier to navigate should Rowan not be an anxiety-plagued, bisexual trans man!

Of course, discarding romance makes pursuing his shape of sexual attraction unacceptable and unreasonable...

“How are they real? Nobody just sees someone and falls in love like that—”

“Dude, dude, I’ve fallen in love like that.” Rowan shakes his head and launches into the speech that’s the spiritual duty of any card-carrying aromantic: “Do you fall in love after you get to know someone? After they love you back? Do you know what ‘fall in love’ means to you? Because it’s easy to name all sorts of feelings ‘love’ and think they’re romantic when the world says you have to be alloromantic. It’s even easier to not be romantically attracted and not know! Have you thought about it?”

Damien, his eyes so wide that he reminds Rowan of a zebrafish with a brown wig, shakes his head.

“I swear, alloros like romance movies because while they’re a … a simplified, idealistic version of romance, they’re close enough to what people feel—or think they’re supposed to feel—that they … ring, resonate. They wouldn’t do that if it were complete invention. Just like science fiction isn’t real but talks enough about human experiences to have meaning to human audiences. Unreal, in so many ways, but just real enough. So—”

Damien holds up both hands, palms facing Rowan. “Stop. Stop.”

Now the anxious part of Rowan’s brain realises he’s lecturing at his supervisor in a way no need to avoid thinking of his family justifies; he gulps, fingers trembling. While the office code of conduct doesn’t specify things like unwanted speeches questioning another person’s belief in their romantic attraction, he doubts this acceptable behaviour. “I … shit. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I just...”

Will he ever stop causing a mess at work?

“You’re talking so fast,” Damien says, slow and careful in the way of a man talking to a panicked horse, “that I can’t keep up.” He sighs and runs one hand through his hair. “This isn’t something I thought we’d be talking about! I just wanted to check that everything was right...” He shakes his head, but he doesn’t sound annoyed or outraged. Just bewildered. “Okay. Right. What about all those sorts of things that we think are love? What do you mean by that?”

At some point during the resulting afternoon, Rowan sends an email thanking his printer for her willingness to amend the job queue, ignores his brother’s entry in the competition to provoke the most seasonally-appropriate guilt, and scribbles a note to ask the higher-ups if they’ll spring for a basket of expensive coffee and chocolates sent to said printer.

Damien nods several times, takes dot points on a flyer print-out and the back of the report draft for last week’s holiday event, asks more questions and promises that he’ll remind the higher-ups of their involvement in submitting January’s flyers two weeks late. After eating the rest of his re-heated honey chicken at Rowan’s desk and narrating the story of how his future wife followed him from pub to pub during a crawl for his brother’s buck’s night, Damien concludes that he only experiences attraction for someone after they express attraction for him.

Melanie, having rested her arms on the back of Damien’s chair to overhear the last half of the conversation, gives him a smothering hug and welcomes him to “the quiver” before cackling at Damien’s blank look.

Find a recipro mug, Rowan later scribbles on the bottom of his to-do-list.

At least that job doesn’t involve relatives.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I don't know how much this adds to the discussion regarding Animorphs being children's lit, but I think it's important to keep in mind that kids' books can get away with heavier themes than kids' shows tend to, so if someone's coming into the discussion with the framework of "for children" they may need to keep in mind that as a book it can cover more ground than a tv show that grownups just have to glance at to decide if it's "too much" for their kiddos (whether it is too much or not).

This definitely adds to the discussion of Animorphs as children’s lit!  I think you’re hitting the nail right on the head.  Many people don’t realize this (I didn’t realize this until I was in college and had a class on the subject) but television shows have to justify themselves to a metric shitton of people before they’re allowed to go on the air.  Books only have to justify themselves to a moderate-sized committee, if that.

People who have the power to veto content on TV shows include (but are not limited to): individual writers who have a particular idea, head writers who don’t like the idea, script editors who might take it out, directors who refuse to film what they don’t like, videographers or artists who add their own creative vision to ideas, visual effects teams who can cut things based on budget, voice actors who can protest decisions they don’t like, episode editors who might take an idea out, producers who won’t back anything that might cause controversy, studio executives who can pull content that’s not “on brand,” national network crews that can decide not to air certain content, local network crews that can also decide not to air certain content, and future “backers” who might decide not to invest in a show based on its content.

People who have the power to veto content in books include: the author with the idea, the agent who publicizes it, the editor who polishes it, and the publishing agent who sells the idea.  At most.

Nowadays, one can self-publish one’s own work with ZERO outside input, or else very little.  The Martian was read by exactly two (2!) people before Andy Weir put it on the internet, and it became an international bestseller.  It would be possible to make a self-published TV show with that little outside input… but most platforms wouldn’t promote it, and would probably take it down if it got hate-reported or had content violations.  Not only that, but (as Cates pointed out) books get edited as content that has already been written, in a story that already exists.  Shows get edited in the context of deciding whether it’s worth the trouble to write an idea that’s still hypothetical.

Television is ultra-conservative (in the sense of never rocking any boats in any direction) because it has to please hundreds of people with creative input and to justify its multi-million-dollar budgets.  Books can reach the minimum production value necessary to be good with the influence of one person (okay, lbr, two people) and fifty bucks for printing or web-hosting fees.  That’s the reason that only 42% of non-animated roles and 39% of animated roles go to women on TV, including only 12% of non-animated roles and 4% of animated roles going to women of color.  By contrast, 63% of children’s lit on The Atlantic’s bestsellers list is written by women, about female protagonists; that’s not counting books by men about female protagonists.  (They didn’t collect data on authors’ ethnicity; if anyone has this stat, HMU.)

It’s the reason that Arthur just made national news THIS FUCKING YEAR by depicting a same-sex (traditional) (Christian-coded) wedding ceremony, one that local networks in Alabama chose not to air.  Meanwhile, in 2015 Cates presented a conference paper about the history of kids’ picture books with queer protagonists, a history that goes back to 1981 (Jenny Lives with Eric and Martin) and covers such mainstream 1990s series as Bruce Coville’s Magic Shop and Dav Pilkey’s Captain Underpants.  We see the importance of the lack of gatekeepers: for instance, the author of Heather Has Two Mommies struggled to get a mainstream children’s press to pick up her book, so she went to a lesbian publisher, which ended up creating an entirely new branch for children’s books.  (Apparently there were entire publishing houses just for lesbian books in 1987?  The more you know.)  One other interesting case study for queer content is Gore Vidal: in 1948 he published what would today be classified as a YA gay romance novel (The City and the Pillar) but in 1959 he had to “code” and hide the queer content in the Hollywood film (Ben-Hur) that he also wrote.  Television to this day uses queer-coding in lieu of actual romance, especially when it’s kids’ TV (see: Legend of Korra or Adventure Time), while children’s literature has already made the push all the way into demanding that the queer romances in Grasshopper Jungle and Geography Club be more intersectional.

To be clear, it’s not like children’s books have carte blanche in this regard — Applegate and Grant have both apologized for having to code Mertil and Gafinilan rather than just marrying them off, and have expressed regret over not getting to write an openly bisexual Marco or openly trans Tobias.  But kids’ books can still fly under the radar of the wowsers in a way that kids’ shows often cannot.

Anyway.  Queer representation is obviously just one of a plethora of issues that get very different treatment in children’s books vs. children’s shows.  There are plenty of others.  Children’s shows can depict violence, but have to treat it as silly or inconsequential and avoid showing blood.  (Because that’s a great way to teach kids about not harming others!!!)  Children’s books can have as much blood — and, apparently, as many spilled entrails — as they would like, as long as those things don’t happen in the first couple of pages or make the cover summary.  Neal Shusterman is responsible for some of the most cringe-inducingly silly AniTV episodes, and also some of the most brutally unflinching works of children’s literature I’ve ever read.  American screen media are no longer subject to the Hays Code, but its marks still remain.  American literature has pretty much always been the Wild West, and with the advent of online self-publishing, the west is getting wilder.

Don’t judge a book by its movie.  And don’t judge a book by its show.  AniTV is tame and silly, treating its violence as inconsequential and its characters’ mental health struggles as harmlessly or innocent.  Animorphs has the courage to show that when you shoot a man he doesn’t just silently fall over and disappear but bleeds and screams and dies, that being a victim or a perpetrator of such violence can leave even “innocent kids” fighting for their lives against PTSD and depression.  It has the courage… but it also has the freedom to do so.  That’s an extremely important distinction that should not be overlooked.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I love your Magnus responses! Some have brought me to tears :') hopwfully you haven't answered this yet. I always see fics/ metas on how Alec came to terms about his sexuality, but never on Magnus (or just a selecative few). In your opinion how did he come to terms with his bisexuality? - luxxmagnus

okay first of all I LOVE UR BLOG im so glad u like my shit omg fajsfoamsa and second of all BOY DO I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW MAGNUS CAME TO TERMS WITH HIS SEXUALI-

okay SO. your relationship with sexuality is deeply influenced by your early years, as is, well, most aspects of your personality lol. so i think it’s fascinating to think about magnus’ relationship with his gender identity and sexuality considering he was born in early-1600s indonesia, aka right when the colonization started. meaning, a lot of their customs and views on gender and sexuality couldn’t have possibly been erased yet, but they were being very violently and aggressively repressed. and then he finished his growing-up years with asmodeus, a demon, who can’t really give much of a fuck about gender identity and sexuality. so this means a very complicated relationship is bound to develop, and i love it.

unfortunately, magnus’ exact ethnic background isn’t specified in SH (nor tsc, i believe) which makes the whole discussion a lot harder because there are hundreds of native peoples in indonesia. however, they were very much in contact with each other both before and after the dutch invasion and subsequent colonisation, so what i’m gonna do here is talk a little bit about the views on the subject magnus was definitely aware of, and go from there

i know this specifically asked about his bisexuality so i will refrain from shitting my trans magnus headcanon all over the place but i will say that the Bugis people recognised five genders, including one for AFAB people who identified as neither male nor female, and one that embodied both female and male identities

anyway, queerphobia is, in fact, a very recent and very european thing, and most indonesian people, like most asian people and most non-modern-western peoples, were actually A-okay with what we view today as homosexuality. there were even many rituals centered around men-on-men and women-on-women practices. they were also pretty open with sexuality as a whole; there’s even a mountain with a shrine where people have sex with strangers as part of their religious worship.

but, as we know, the european colonizers were very intent on killing off and erasing all records of their dominated cultures, particularly the aspects that directly challenged the european model of gender, sexuality and relationships, to the point where we, ppl born in previously colonised countries, don’t even know about our culture’s views on gender and sexuality. in indonesia, the dutch criminalised homosexuality and we can’t forget that magnus’ stepfather was dutch, and that magnus was born after the colonisation. 

so here’s the context: since it was very early in the colonisation days, there is no way that magnus didn’t know about the very rich and diverse gender and sexuality practices in his own country. there’s just no way. it takes decades to completely erase that shit. and we can’t forget that all indonesian peoples resisted colonisation, a lot. we don’t know the exact nature of magnus’ mother’s relationship with his stepfather, but it is very likely that he either enslaved or forced her to be in a relationship with him, because - well, because that’s colonisation, folks. it’s what these guys do. this is also supported by the way his stepfather treated magnus, because i mean, what the fuck. it was extremely rare that native colonised ppls would willingly be with their coloniser, particularly considering how the dutch were just, like, casually deporting and starving indonesian native ppls and ppl in java had been at war with the portuguese would-be settlers (would-be because they lost amazingly lmao get rekt) since the beginning of the 1500s. so im gonna go out on a limb here and say that magnus’ “stepfather” was, in fact, an abusive piece of shit coloniser who probably mistreated magnus’ mother and was probably a huge reason why she killed herself - i mean, your people are dying, and you’re bound to this guy who abuses and rapes you and keeps telling you everything about you and the way you live and was raised is demonic, that’s just bound to mess with you. actually, the religious aspect of colonisation that taught ppl that their cultures and religious were demonic and immoral and that they either had to repent for that and submit to the colonisers or be killed slash go to hell, hmmm…… well, is probably related to the fact that the idea that magnus was demon-related was repulsive enough to her that she killed herself? and that’s if we go with the interpretation that magnus was the main reason, which isn’t really reliable because 1- magnus clearly thinks he needs to Save Everyone and is bound to think that if anyone gets hurt it’s his fault; 2- canonically, it was magnus’ stepfather who told magnus that the reason she killed herself was magnus’ heritage. i mean i find it hard to believe personally that magnus’ mom didn’t know she was fucking a demon or at least a supernatural entity of some sort, and the whole angel-demon division is a christianity thing anyway, so what the fuck does this mean to magnus’ mom, really? especially considering that, unlike magnus, she probably was alive before the settlers arrived, so it’s even harder to believe that she would just uncritically believe everything about good and evil she was being taught by the guys that were, you know, committing mass genocide. i personally think that if magnus’ eyes were related to her killing herself at all (which makes less and less sense the more i think about it. i mean, what, was he born glamoured? surely she knew about this before he was like 11 or something) it would be because, in a way, this proved that everything she was being told about herself was true. she was demonic, her culture was demonic, and they deserved the absolutely horrific and traumatic things that were happening to them, and her son’s eyes proved it. so it’s not really about magnus as it is about, like, the entire continent of Europe’s bullshit. and anyway, again, everything she was going through was extremely traumatic - i think magnus’ eyes would be almost an afterthought, if considered at all.

anyway, sorry, went on a huge tangent here, i have no self control whatsoever. what i’m trying to say is that magnus grew up in an environment where expressions of different gender and sexuality were very repressed, but he was born in the heart of the very resistance. he was a native man (or, well, boy) and he knew for a fact that most people lived outside of the constricting western gender and sexuality binary, and he lived in a time where the europeans hadn’t really managed to dominate and erase their culture - of course, they never truly did, but the differences were way more latent. so magnus’ views on the whole thing were probably among the lines of “the asshole white people think the way we live is bad and are trying to kill us and that’s why they’re assholes and we’re trying to kick them out, but currently me and my mom are on their hands so i’m gonna have to behave like they expect me to”. so, lots of abuse, a very complicated relationship, but i do believe that magnus wouldn’t have internalised the european bullshit because, well, he was seeing the counterpoint and the resistance and he certainly knew which side was “his”. also in his flashbacks he’s wearing traditional indonesian clothing so there’s that - proof that he wasn’t completely assimilated to european views and culture.

and then he killed the stepfather (good riddance, rot in hell) and went to live his final teenage years with asmodeus. i mean, more like was found by asmodeus and forced to be with him by both the circumstances and asmodeus himself, but you get what i’m saying. 

here’s the thing: asmodeus is definitely an asshole and an abuser, but i can’t bring myself to believe he gave a good fuck about modern-western gender roles and sexuality. he is older than them. by a lot. and he doesn’t even care about the earth realm that much, his whole thing is that he wants to rule edom, so i’m not even sure if he knows about them beyond the, like, very very basics. maybe not even that. so during the rest of magnus’ formative years, and probably the time he figured out what exactly his sexuality was anyway, he was in a pretty open environment when it came to that.

so with that we’ve reached the first conclusion of this huge-ass essay that you probably didn’t sign up for: up until he went to England, Magnus was probably pretty comfortable when it came to his sexuality. like, shit, he was fucked up about everything else, but this one thing i can’t see him internalising a lot of.

i’m gonna fast forward the asmodeus years because i don’t have a lot to say beyond that and also i have no fucking clue what the fuck was going on during that time????????? like it ended when magnus banished him to edom, so i can only assume they were on the earth realm the whole time, but what exactly were they doing???? no clue. i am gonna say, tho, that i think one of the reasons why magnus managed to break out of asmodeus’ shitty “be evil” conditioning is precisely because he had been on the other side before?? like obviously magnus must have been an extremely compassionate kid (which again makes absolute sense in the context of him being part of an oppressed people that were trying their hardest to fight together. you learn a few things about community-building and taking care of others in that context, lemme tell you) since he was out there blaming himself for his mom’s death and also for killing his literal piece of shit stepfather who also tried to kill him as well, but i think it’s just that much harder to help your dad commit mass murder when you’ve been on the receiving end of it. obviously he was probably around asmodeus for a while (i’m thinking until he was like, 18? you know, enough to be an adult), especially considering how he needed the help to learn how to master his magic and also he had nowhere else to go, and also asmodeus was all over the place with “they will always think you’re an abomination, i’m the only one who understands you” and he had eyes like him and all. but still. he knew that he didn’t want that, he knew that he liked earth and didn’t like edom at all and he knew that in order to be himself he’d need to get rid of asmodeus. so he did.

anyway, after the First Great Yeeting Of Asmodeus (second yeeting was when he sent him to limbo so he would never be able to come back. ugh we stan) Magnus went to England. I’m guessing that somehow he met other warlocks during his time with asmodeus (which actually makes sense, i mean, asmodeus must have been wanting ppl to join forces with so he could defeat lilith? or something like that idk they never said anything about what they were doing with their time magnus’ backstory’s got more holes than a swiss cheese) and there seems to be a pretty tight warlock community, so maybe he went to wherever it is that the warlocks meet to gossip and shit? trying to find somewhere else where he belonged. and there he met Ragnor, who helped him break out of his shell and find who he was beyond the constant abuse and the deeply ingrained idea that he was Born To Be Evil.

so for a while, magnus was learning who he was, and again the Warlock Community should be pretty open with gender and sexuality considering most of them are also older than western binary bullshit and also come from different, non-european backgrounds. it was probably at this point that he started going around, having relationships, looking for someone who loves him and somewhere to belong in, you know. haha im fine and soon he figured out that he wanted to find out more about the world. magnus is a curious and creative guy, he’s going around inventing portals and shit, he wants to see the world. so magnus goes to the mundane world. it makes sense, considering in most of his pics he seems to be in mundane settings, and there were no accords at that time. also i mean even post-accords magnus is still going around owning clubs where mundanes can get in so i think he’s quite fond of mundanes.

and that’s when shit comes crashing down, because “sodomy” was punishable by death in England until the 1960s and like boy these guys were not into the whole free sexuality thing. at all. i tend to think magnus would go looking for sex and stuff in downworlder and warlock spaces, where there was a lot more freedom and nobody gave a shit, but he was going around meeting people, and he’s vulnerable and he wants to be loved and he’s definitely been in relationships with mundanes. he knows he needs to hide it, but it doesn’t mean he’s uncomfortable with it. so he might get the occasional insult and he knows he needs to be careful, but this is one aspect of himself he’s actually okay with

but like, he’s spent centuries doing that, eventually shit would go down. and it does. i firmly believe that one of his lovers got caught and got the death penalty. magnus managed to escape but couldn’t save him, and i mean, that’s at least the third time he’s blaming himself for someone’s death. immortality is tiring, and he doesn’t feel like he belongs anywhere. there’s the shadow world, but even there he’s being looked down on because the shadowhunters are racist assholes. he’s got his friends, sure, but he’s never really felt worthy of any love, or like he belonged anywhere, and he’s been through so much abuse and being used and everything he touches seems to go to shit and he’s tired. and he’s killed someone he loved. again. so he goes to the bridge. and camille finds him, and stops him.

now, i don’t know if that’s how they’ve met of if it’s happened before, something like, seeing each other in parties and in downworlder spaces or something. but either way, he’s at a really low point, and that’s the first meaningful interaction they have - camille saves his life. he feels like she cares.

she’s not the only one who cares, obviously. so does ragnor, so does cat, so does dot and lots of other of his friends. but at this point, he’s feeling so empty it’s hard to believe that they care, and camille is all too quick to figure out his exact weaknesses - she’s there to listen to him when he wants to kill himself, i can only imagine the infodump that went on that night. he gives her all she needs to know - his fear of abandonment, his desire to be loved, his belief that he will never be accepted no matter what, his fear that he really is evil inside after all despite everything proving that he isn’t - to use against him perfectly. camille is smart. she’s also manipulative. and she also seems like a ticket into a somewhat normal world - she’s a woman, she’s immortal, she’s acting all sweet around him and telling him that she understands, that this is why she doesn’t mingle with mundanes, that it’s better if they’re just amongst themselves, that people like them can’t trust too much and need to stick together. slowly, she plants into him the idea that he’s gullible, has a weak judgement, and is just weak in general for going around thinking he could ever have a thing with mortals or could ever find a space to belong. she uses that to drive him away from his friends and make sure he does as she says. also, magnus owes her, doesn’t he? she saved his life. how can he fight her, when she saved his life? how can he say no to her? how can he disagree? he’s gullible, he’s weak, and she’s the only one who has enough patience for him. everyone else leaves. she’s all he has.

in conclusion: his sexuality is a huge factor in camille’s abuse, it’s what makes him vulnerable to her and gives her every tool she needs to manipulate him. it’s not direct, she’s not about to make fun or dismiss his bisexuality because she knows this is not something he’s internalised, but she can weaponize the trauma that queerphobia brings to his life, and so she does.

she wrecks him. like really really wrecks him, everything he’s built for himself, his identity, whatever he had of his confidence. like he was still trying to build all of that, but he was getting there, and she gets him back to ground 0 just like that. i think he only broke up with her because she started doing her more Clearly Immoral shit and magnus can’t do that. say what you want, but magnus’ actual nature has always been to care and to give all that he can for others. and camille is just evil mcbad. and her abuse goes a long way, but i don’t think anything could actually break magnus enough to be okay with hurting others. especially considering how most of his trauma seems to revolve around the fact that he believes he is constantly hurting others, and it seems to me - considering how he’s going all around the place helping everyone and sacrificing himself without a second thought - that helping others is even a way to cope somewhat, he doesn’t focus on himself, he does his job and helps others and doesn’t think about himself and so he copes, he can do what he’s good at and also believe he’s somehow “repenting” for “killing” his mother and stepfather (it was SELF FUCKING DEFENSE he didn’t murder him, but he does seem to believe he did). so that’s probably when they break up, when he realises that camille is just. keen on hurting others and she’s bored with him and his morals anyway. i know that in book canon apparently the reason they broke up was that she cheated on him, but again i don’t consider book canon and show canon to be the same canon, specially considering how magnus is a wildly different character in those. so i don’t think that would somehow be the last straw for him. camille probably was cheating on him left and right but he probably just believed that it was his fault, or just kept forgiving her anyway because he had nowhere to go and it should be enough that she loves him and saved him, right?

he doesn’t really get around to realising that camille is a straight-up abuser and awful person (as shown by the fact that he seems to still internalise the whole “camille saved my life” bullshit when she was really just manipulating him and using his vulnerability against him) but he does realise that he can’t keep looking for a partner as a solution to his issues. he also doesn’t really want to be in a relationship after her, not when he’s broken in more pieces than he was when he left asmodeus, and that was a lot of pieces as well. so he sleeps around and all, crafts this whole playboy persona of his, and locks his heart away. dedicates himself to the downworlder children he keeps adopting and trying to help, reconnects with ragnor and the other warlocks - who kind of knew what was going on and never blamed him for it or for growing distant with them because they’re amazing and probably have seen this happen many times before.

he also carefully avoids mundane men. he’s not risking getting anyone else hurt.

but then there’s the 60s and 70s, and he’s in bloody new york, and the queer community is shaping itself, and goddamn, after all the hurt and pain he’s seen due to sexuality, he’s not gonna ignore this. also, his Adopting Instincts are way too strong anyway, he can’t really see people struggling and not do anything. so he supports queer spaces, probably made pandemonium one, too - a particularly safe queer space, since she could use his wards to keep police out of his business and ensure everyone’s safety. he definitely was there at stonewall and subsequent protests and parades, keeping people safe, weakening gas bombs and the like with magic, making sure they managed to escape jail.

magnus’ relationship with the mundane queer community is kind of weird, then - he’s not an actual part of it, not really, and he’s particularly scared of getting attached then, so he guards his heart with even more determination than everywhere else. but he still wants to help, so he brings in his money, tries to keep them safe, participates in some community activities and volunteers, and occasionally talks to some kids who were just kicked out of home or something, who are dealing with self-loathing and fear, and even though he hasn’t gone through the whole “my sexuality is unnatural” thing or particularly hated that aspect of himself, he does know what it’s like to be cast away and seen as a monster, and to see himself as uncapable of being loved. so he listens and he talks about his experiences and tries to help as much as he can, and for the most part, he’s successful and he feels kind of accomplished in that sense. he might never have hated himself for his sexuality, but this is the first time he is fully able to bring it into his mundane life. and it also helps him deal with and talk about his other issues, even if he can’t be 100% frank about being an immortal being who does magic and shit, he can connect to these people in a lot of ways, and he also has his own scars brought in by homophobia even if they weren’t internalised in the same way. also, there are names popping up for what people are, homosexuality is being decriminalised all over the world (even in england, he’s heard), things are starting to look up.

as the 80s come up, he knows that a lot of things are changing - that white gay guys are getting more and more space, that the word “bisexual” is being popularised, but also that the reason for that is that a lot of gays and lesbians are trying to get bi ppl out of some spaces, that there’s a division going on between people who want to be seen as palatable and are willing to step over others to get it, and people who refuse to blend into an oppressive society, or just can’t, because they’re trans, they’re people of color, they’re sex workers and homeless and they can never be really assimilated when, even if they’re not getting the death penalty, they’re still getting killed and framed as criminals for existing.

magnus is a person of color as well, he’s bisexual (meaning one of the groups that were being cast away and despised by the white, “clean” gay movement) and he’s been there since the beginning, where these exact people that are being driven away were the only ones building the queer movement, so i think it’s pretty obvious who he “sided” with. not much changed in that aspect, then, since the spaces of queer resistance he was used to were the ones created by the “outcasts”. it was disappointing to see a movement that seemed so amazing at first get slowly gentrified and push the most vulnerable people away again, but at this point, he was used to seeing the divide, to drawing the short end, and at least he could continue as he was and try and help people, right? so life was good as a whole.

then the AIDS crisis happened, and shit that was SO rough. people were dying left and right, they had nowhere to go and there was so little he could do. of course he tried his best - pandemonium, like many other similar clubs, was definitely raising money to help the victims, and he was definitely volunteering to help them, along with catarina (who’s better at healing than he is, anyway), but even healing magic isn’t as simple as “begone, disease” and this was a completely new thing, anyway. there was little they could do beyond try and lessen the pain and symptoms and spend countless nights awake doing research and trying to figure out what exactly was causing this and what they could do to help and try to cure it. it’s endlessly frustrating and he gets to see a lot of people he knew, and talked to, and helped, die slowly while he was unable to do much, and shit is that a theme on his life. he also blames himself for not being able to work out a cure - what good is fucking magic if he can’t do this? - even if he and cat do figure out ways to help, at least. but they’re just two people and creating spells isn’t easy and it’s not like their patients have a lot of time, and also he needs to sleep, as cat and dot keep reminding him. the mundanes beat him to it, and for a while he can breathe again. but then there has been so much loss and death the community is in shambles and they’ve been set back one hell of a lot, and magnus is so tired. his friends help him, reassure him that it’s not his fault, and he’s okay, because he’s stronger now, he’s been getting better during all these years and a part of him is used to it - it never hurts less, but it does get easier to push through. 

and then, well, there’s the whole war against valentine thing, and then the accords, so i think for a while magnus was kind of not very involved with the mundane world, and also this is already WAY to long to get into the 2000s and shit, but i will finish by saying that maybe after a few years magnus might get somewhat involved with the community again, because i just. really like the idea of magnus joining some kind of group of bisexual men and learning that SO MANY of them have gone through abusive experiences with straight girls that are scarily similar to his experience with camille, considering, you know, all the other layers involved and the fact that it happened centuries ago. and it kind of works as group therapy, and magnus finally realises that what he went through with camille was abuse, and that he’s not alone, and that queerphobia made him vulnerable, and that the fact that he is part of so many minorities can mean that, rather than not belonging anywhere, he belongs in many places and many different spaces, and he’s helped so many people in so many different ways. and then he finds out that there are other warlocks who are working as therapists and in there he can talk about his immortality issues and, well, other issues and he starts healing faster than before - he’s been healing ever since the breakup with camille, of course, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to open up to alec. like, of course, alec and him are soulmates and shit, but if he wasn’t in a better place he wouldn’t have allowed himself to fall for him like he did. and. yeah. magnus doing therapy and getting better and finding groups where he feels like he belongs, and realising camille was an abuser, please.

[autismgavemychildvaccines]

Why I’m Ashamed to Be Christian

So, now that I am literally sick of the Measles nonsense (no, fucking literally, working 12+ hour shifts on an incident management team has got me sick and tired enough to call in tomorrow), I’ve decided to do a non PH rant, though it’ll for sure rear it’s fucking head somewhere in here. Instead, let’s tackle something real fun. Religion! Time to buckle up.  In my half fucking awake daze that I was just nudged out of, something really wild hit me. My faith, my belief in a very specific God with a specific book (though I admit that other religions, so long as their origin is not a company or a tool to oppress others on the outset, are valid/likely just as true) makes no God damned sense.  (For reference, here I will claim my most closely related sect as my own; American Evangelism [though if one were to ask in person I’d say “non-denominational”, but historically, the two are close] and will be speaking as a part of a community I used to closely belong to but now have drifted away from on some granola-crunching dumbassery that is “I am a church of one” bullshit. I’ve wanted to be other things, but ever since I left the Freemasons, fuck all else has had much appeal.) So, first things first, Garden of Eden, right? Pretty fucking cool place, some might have even called it a perfect garden, a perfect place for humans and God to interact? But here’s my hang up with it. The trees of Life and Knowledge, and the rule that Adam and Eve could eat of any fruit except those grown upon that pair. Why even fucking have them?

 When I asked that as a kid in a faith based area, they said because it was a test.

 Of what?

 “Well, of our loyalty to God and our Faith, of course”. 

Except again, what the fuck? Like, I get the idea of free-will, in fact I am a huge believer in individual free will (I’ll get to that in a sec), but here’s the stickler here. As any other creative type will tell you, we want our work to take on a life of its own. Like say I wanted to program a remarkably bright AI, and it worked, and all I wanted was for it to recognize me as its creator and to discover and enjoy what home I could make for it. You know what I wouldn’t do? I wouldn’t give an AI, even with some simulated free will, the ability to break certain rules. For example, I wouldn’t allow it unrestricted access to the internet or my personal accounts. I wouldn’t even give it the concept that such things existed, let alone put it right fucking there to be used. That would be a flaw, an imperfection in an otherwise perfect place. And yeah, there’s something to be said for giving free will with not-free consequences, sure. But two things: 1) Don’t be pissed when the thing happens that you allowed to exist in the first place and thus forced it to be a mathematical certainty now that you’re dealing with perhaps the most curious species to ever exist.  2) Don’t go blaming them for a lack of faith. If anything, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, an act that abusers often use to get what they really want and have a thin veneer of an excuse to make happen. Now doesn’t that sound a lot like a good number of the followers of this faith, as opposed to an almighty, omnipotent, powerful being? Hmm, something to consider there, maybe.  Speaking of followers, let’s actually also take a look at some of the prophets that we as American Christians often hold so dear. Now me? I’m a Luke guy, I like Luke. Peaceful, loving gospel for the most part, and I dig it. Peace and love, baby, that’s all I want coming from stories regarding a higher power that we had to hang up like a fucking tapestry to make sure we got all that love. But do you know who I fucking hate, and who I blame the most for how the American chruch is? Paul/Saul of Tarsus. Thiiiiiiiiiiis prick. This fucking Deus Vult Vulture. Actually in many ways, he really is the archetype to the Modern Evangelical fucking anything. Actively participated in the harassing, attempted extinguishing and successful terrorizing of a marginalized group. Then after being hit back for it, literally “seeing the light” and trying to be the fucking vanguard of said group only to lead it down a path where he’s suddenly the appointed expert of anything to do with the issue. And while he does this, he helps create the most violent and bigoted thoughts in the whole of the religion, and is praised for his visions as he says they are truly from God, and can thus act oh so righteously. This right here is a fucking problem, y’all. Like, I know the whole forgiveness idea allows for some mental gymnastics on how this could even happen, but even then to make a genocidal ass-face your de-facto leader aside from Christ himself for the next 2000 years is a fucking flip that even at the 1988 Olympics, if Christians were America, Russia would give them a straight 10/10.    And yet, for many of us, that’s exactly what we’ve done. Hell, we’ve even fallen into the forced victim narrative of the synopsis of this asshole:  “Oh well, you see, I was a heathen and thus I couldn’t help myself, but then like, the God of the people I was killing talked to me and like, now I have to do this (Take on the “burden” of leading the church) as penance for what I couldn’t help myself over.” We’ve fallen for it so much, that it may as well be hard wired into our nervous system to believe anything resembling it, just as we assume if something is flat, green and on a tree, it’s a leaf.  Maybe it’s why we as a religion (and let’s face it, other Abrahamic religions as well) are so damn good at beating down the marginalized while screaming that we are the saints, we’re the sacrificiers trying to make things better. Like, let’s have some modern day fun with this bullshit, man; let’s see how we treated and in many places continue to treat women.  Of the few churches I have been to, 100% of them had one dual-sided message that made me real fuckin’ uncomfortable, fam:  Part 1) That women cannot be trusted onto themselves and thus 2) Men must take control of them and society to not allow for some unspecified “Ridiculous bullshit”.  (as a fair heads up; I do fully recognize non-binary, trans individuals, etc, but for the sake of brevity I’ll be mostly referring to M/F in the traditional sort of way, because opening up Christianity’s treatment of anything regarding gender fluidity is a Ph.D. thesis for another day)  Now, I don’t know about y’all, but I know damn well that out of all the dudes I know, and all the lasses I know, they’re a pretty mixed fuckin’ bunch. It’s almost like their gender assigned at birth doesn’t really affect how reasonable they could be as people nor how much responsibility they should have. Obviously some cultural practices skew this quite a bit in so far that women are expected to take more responsibility, younger, and for less praise, but if anything that should help destroy, not reinforce that message.  And yet, the idea persists so much in Christian circles. And not just by the men themselves, but the women, also. For the longest time of my church going days, the pastor was a woman. She wholly believed it was just and right that her husband be in charge of everything, that women should be loyal to their men in all aspects. Then again, she also (despite recruiting members primarily from college) did not believe in evolution at all, so there’s that in terms of an intellectual hurdle. But regardless, this inherent submissive attitude within the faith (and even the half-hearted and self-congratulatory “Yeah but we REALLY are the ones making the decisions because we can withhold sex if we want” is essentially that too just a smidgen more empowering), when combined with the idea that men should be wholly in-control (which is a breeding ground for toxic masculinity if there ever was) is shameful. It’s what has allowed so much bullshit in the past, including these recent abortion laws. Now, I’m going to cover abortion in another post (I might get to it tomorrow; It’s been on the burner for weeks), but it’s super pertinent here.  We, as a religion, have allowed ourselves to tell women (just as we tell/told minorities before) that they cannot be trusted with their own bodies, that they cannot be trusted when they speak, and most certainly cannot be trusted to truly hold dominion over anything. And that has allowed the most insidious, hateful, bigoted, disgusting things to happen in the name of God. A God that while I am writing this post I still believe in, but my doubts about how genuine the message has ever been is hitting home. One whose words about peace have been ignored when they could be interpreted or pointed to to support war, where the rich can profit off the poor, or to support sexism, because we as men historically have wanted to control “everything of ours”, or to take the very free will we claim to hold so dear from those who need the ability to make their own decisions the most. Words that have been used to hold down good people from making lives better. Words that in the hands of those who wanted, could be profaned and desecrated and thus allow for profane and disturbing events, both on the grand stage of the world and behind the closed doors of any house in some small town. Words which are held up with a wink and a nod so that followers feel included when they are scammed by some fucking fried chicken joint who wants to make more money to fight against equality, or to pay for another $9 million jet for some asshole who croons about how the poor should be grateful they do not have the temptations of the rich.  To other followers, do you not lament that we are this way? That we have been this way for so long? Because I fucking do.  And to those who have been discriminated or marginalized or whatever else against because of your gender or skin colour or situation or victimization or  past deeds of any sort; I’m sorry. Genuinely, truly sorry you have suffered as you have. Sorry for what people have done thinking it was somehow morally or spiritually justified, sorry that they thought they were saving you. And I can assure you that I will never try to lead you as those before me have tried to. Though if it’s all the same, I’d like to get to hear you, and walk beside you. 

[reconditarmonia]

Dear Rule 63 Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3. I have anon messaging off, but, er, I can answer any questions you might have about my requests in my mod capacity if you contact the exchange email ;).

Fullmetal Alchemist | Machineries of Empire | Moby Dick | Spinning Silver | Wolf 359

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

Smut Likes: clothing, uniforms, sexual tension, breasts, manual sex, cunnilingus, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; infidelity; unrequested polyamory; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships; unrequested trans versions of characters; swapping female characters to male; unequal levels of investment in the relationship (including concerns about same that turn out to be unwarranted), or the idea of a character accepting something they're unhappy with as the most they're going to get.

A note: if we matched on an / ship, I generally don't require you to include a kiss, sex, or overt romantic language if you feel that you'd have to shoehorn it in. I'll trust that you wrote it with shippy intent.

About Rule 63 Exchange specifically: I have no strong preference for character names, with a slight preference for sticking with their canon names; it’s up to you whether you want to justify any resulting names that would be unusual for women or just gloss over it. As far as characters’ personalities and gender expression are concerned, I tend to want to see them as similar to their canon selves, just female. I’m probably fine with unrequested characters also being swapped to female, but feel free to check if you’re not sure. I don't expect, nor particularly want, a big deal made over characters' strong gender identity qua identity as female or whatnot.

It's a little confusing to tell with the AO3 interface, but I've requested General Audiences on everything, and additionally Explicit on FMA, Machineries, and Wolf 359.

—

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Ship(s): F!Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye

I love Roy and Riza's loyalty kink in canon so very much, so...what if they were lesbians

There are definitely some worldbuilding-y places this could go - the Amestrian military obviously has female soldiers in it, but not as many as male, especially at the higher echelons, apparently, and we don't see any female State Alchemists; does Roy's status as a powerful alchemist also vault her into a position of command and influence that most women, barring Olivier, don't get to? With regard specifically to how their relationship is different worldbuilding-wise, some kind of document or documents (newspaper, history book) or other outsider perspective on President Mustang and her decades-long professional relationship with Riza Hawkeye, so close they even live together/travel together/entertain guests together, neither of them ever married, that sort of thing? Is Roy's obfuscating public image in this AU still about going with a lot of women, or are they men? (butch or otherwise known lesbian Roy is great, but also not necessary)

But I'd be equally happy to see a fic that didn't deal with that, and that was just canon dynamics but more so and with lesbians. I love their trust and competence and stoically hidden but very very intense feelings, the willingness to risk oneself or the other person, or to stake a lot on the other person’s competence (and willingness to hurt or sacrifice the other person because their shared cause says it’s right, too, all the times that comes up), the fighting together in tandem. Is there a dangerous mission (or intelligence-collecting situation) where their deep familiarity/trust/awareness of each other’s presence and fighting style and communication come into play (god, that bit in canon where Hawkeye shoots two guys right over Mustang’s shoulder), or where they worry about each other’s safety? I love the "protect my back" exchange so, so much (I'm particularly interested in fics set during a time when that is already part of their relationship history, rather than fics set in Ishval or shortly after, and I am not really interested in fics set when they were children or young adults at all) and the way that, eventually, ends up playing out with regard to Envy. I love the intimacy of their work relationship and personal history, on levels from casual to very intense, and would love it with sexual tension in how they notice and appreciate each other’s physicality and presence and competence (hands??? muscles?) Pining up to 11, or resolved sexual tension? (I would prefer Riza as dom if you write a d/s take on this.)

Fandom-Specific DNW: framing of the Ishvalan genocide as a bad situation that happened to the Amestrian characters; canon-typical loss of body parts.

—

Fandom: Machineries of Empire

Ship(s): F!Shuos Jedao/Ajewen Cheris; F!Shuos Jedao & Ajewen Cheris

I know sound like a broken record throughout this signup, but I love Cheris and Jedao’s friendship and loyalty kink (“Now and forever, I’m your gun” and the kneeling! aaahhh!) and, you know, what if that, but also Jedao were a hot woman.

I don’t have a lot of specific plot prompts - just a general interest in intense feelings, “codependency” as understood by fandom, loyalty and trust holding up under strain, deferring to someone’s competence or sense of ethics even though you don’t know how it will turn out, making difficult choices, verbal or nonverbal displays of loyalty like the kneeling and swearing and the WHOLE KEL GLOVE THING. I’d be excited to read something set during the Ninefox timeframe when Jedao is in Cheris’s head, but I think I would be most interested in something set post-Glass Cannon when oh my god, they were roommates telepathically bonded, after all the plot events that create that strong Jedao->Cheris loyalty. Jedao’s canonical kinks are *thumbs up* (I’ve requested general audiences fic as well as explicit, so it’s also fine if they don’t come up or if they’re referred to but not, er, acted out onscreen).

Fandom-Specific DNW: I’m aware that there’s a lot of torture and dubcon in canon. I don’t mind if you mention that they exist but I’d like to reiterate that I absolutely do not want any onscreen, or any details of torture even mentioned. DNW (explicitly) male Kujen or Ruo in this AU; if you don’t feel like swapping them to women I would rather they not be mentioned.

—

Fandom: Moby Dick

Ship(s): F!Captain Ahab & None; F!Captain Ahab & F!Pequod Crew; F!Ishmael/F!Queequeg

I'd love to know more about these female sailor(s) and what drives them. A female Ishmael might still decide to sign on to a ship whenever she gets the blues, but it'd be socially fairly different, mightn't it? (Worldbuilding-wise, I'd be more interested in a world where sailing and whaling are still typically male things as in our world, even if you make them a little less exclusively male, than an egalitarian or matriarchal world; something that women might do, without necessarily disguising themselves as men, but a GNC thing to do.) Would her already diverging from the "expected" female path in this regard affect her reception of Queequeg as someone who's an outsider to Nantucket society, and the intimacy she offers? What does she still find outlandish? As for Queequeg herself, is her life a typical female life for her home culture, or not?

As for Ahab - just imagine this fanatic, tragic, vengeful character as a woman - with the willpower not only to do all the things canonical male Ahab does but also in a society where women aren't really supposed to sail or kill or lead! Is she the odd one out in an otherwise male crew, or are there more women in the crew by the time she's captain? Was she already a whaler when she lost the leg or, in this AU, did this drive her to become one?

—

Fandom: Spinning Silver

Ship(s): Miryem Mandelstam/F!Staryk Lord

I love Miryem, and I’m so interested in the ways that making the Staryk Lord a woman would change Miryem’s entry into the Staryk world and the romance that eventually develops between them. Maybe same-sex marriage is common among the Staryk, and that’s one of the customs that are new and unfamiliar to Miryem in this new world. Would this be a Miryem who had never imagined being attracted to a woman before but comes to fall for the Staryk Lady, or one who simply couldn’t have imagined being able to marry one and have that be a normal life? (For values of “normal” that include ice lands and gold magic!) How does the fact of the marriage being same-sex affect Miryem’s initial understanding of it as a business arrangement, or for that matter, affect her understanding of the offer of queenship as a marriage at all? What makes them fall for each other?

Canon Miryem wonders what her role as queen is, thinking that she’d know about managing a household and having children and sewing if she were married to a human lord - is it the same if she has a fairy wife instead of a fairy husband, more so because there’s not even the hope of a gendered complementarian aspect to fall back on, less so because the Staryk Lady is there as an example of what a female monarch in the Staryk lands does? Does Miryem try to be more like her, or to find her own accounting-powers-and-personal-bonds niche?

It’s so important to canon Miryem to have a Jewish wedding with the Staryk Lord - what would that look like here? What happens when she comes back to the human world not only the queen of a magic country, but married to a woman (and in love with her, depending on when you set it)?

—

Fandom: Wolf 359

Ship(s): F!Daniel Jacobi/F!Warren Kepler, F!Daniel Jacobi/F!Warren Kepler/Alana Maxwell

My new fandom this year! The SI-5 trio are my favorites, and I'm absolutely wild about the way they openly value and prioritize and trust each other over everyone else who's nominally on the same side. So much of the Kepler/Jacobi dynamic goes directly to my id almost from their first introduction (of Jacobi as Kepler's "good right hand"!) to Jacobi trusting Kepler with his life and following whatever orders Kepler gives and getting angry about Kepler treating him like one of them, not to mention the weird d/s vibes. But I also love their dynamic with Maxwell, not only Jacobi's devoted friendship for her but also the trust and respect Kepler has for her and vice versa (I love the conversation they have about fixing Hera, and the whole episode where Kepler has Jacobi blow up the door to save Maxwell, at the risk of the whole ship because Maxwell is that valuable and Jacobi is that good, and "maybe you were my friend but the Colonel and Daniel were family"). So...f/f? I'd love to see them on some sort of mission or in the aftermath of some sort of mission where that mutual loyalty, even as fucked-up as it can get, comes into play, with Jacobi, Kepler, and Maxwell deferring to one another's judgment and/or orders, protecting each other or deciding when they can risk each other for the sake of the mission, sorting themselves out after... Or just some d/s-y sex, possessiveness etc. Anything really about how they're the only people to each other.

I suppose I envision Jacobi and Kepler fairly similar to their canon versions presentation-wise, which would make them somewhat gender non-conforming as women - there's possibly something interesting there with whatever flavor of performative masculinity canon Kepler has going on - but honestly I haven't particularly given much thought to how they might be different as women, other than that I would find it hot and enjoy a three-way relationship with Maxwell (if that is what we matched on/what you're interested in - I'd be just as happy with Kepler/Jacobi and Maxwell just a friend) more than I would with their canon versions.

Fandom-Specific DNW: role reversal or "subbing to let go/relax" Kepler

—

[svartikotturinn]

(Reproducing my comment here in its entirety.)

I’ve looked through lots of Nazi Tumblogs for trolling material in my day: you can easily find them if you know what to look for: they don’t tag their posts ‘Nazi’ or ‘Nazism’ or whatever, it’s always stuff like ‘NatSoc’, ‘National Socialism’, ‘1488’, or (if they’re too cowardly to openly say what they subscribe to) ‘traditional/reactionary European’. I think my observations are good story material.

First of all, I’ve found quite a few interesting trends there.

First off, they lie like crazy. They claim that Dr. Albert Schweitzer wrote about how he became disillusioned with Africans and said they had the mentality of evil toddlers in African Notebook, that Richard Dawkins wrote about how progressivism not allowing free speech about how humans are naturally classified into races is ‘alarming’ in The Extended Phenotype, and that Taylor Swift has expressed white supremacist ideas, among others: the first two are easily proven false with a simple search on Google Books, the third is obviously false considering she’s good friends with Nicki Minaj. I’ve actually found a post on a Nazi blog that included a quote by Hitler saying, ‘The victor will never be asked if he told the truth.’

Aside from lying like crazy about easily disproven bullshit, they also tend to grossly misread things, either intentionally or because they’re that fucking stupid. One example I’ve seen is an article about a trans woman openly admitting to ‘indoctrinating’ children or whatever, which was posted with a ‘gotcha!’ comment that completely ignored that the article basically said something like ‘I teach kids to be respectful of those who are different, and if you call that indoctrination so be it’. Another article said that legitimizing pædophiles was ‘the next crusade of the left’, completely misunderstanding that the point was about looking at it as an affliction to be remedied rather than a crime in and of itself (as opposed to child molestation). And this is before relying on broken statistics and whatnot, like the time I argued with a Nazi who insisted that California if not the US in general had a non-white majority. Happens all the damn time.

Third thing I noticed was that a lot of their rhetoric had to do with women’s beauty and chastity. ‘NatSoc’ blogs are notoriously rife with pictures of pretty young white women in various states of dress (in traditional European garb) and undress (often with, like, a laurel on their heads or something) in fields and natural scenes and suchlike. (One time I found a blog filled ONLY with pictures like those and jokingly suggested to the admit that he should look into this one chick named Scarlett Johannson; he said, ‘Is this the part where I tell you Ashkenazi Jews are Aryans and you run off with your tail between your legs?’ Apparently, he really took the ‘Neo’ part of ‘Neo-Nazi’ to heart!) The notorious 14 Words (specifically ‘because the beauty of the White Aryan woman must not perish from the earth’) are also pretty commonly quoted, as well as horror stories of white women who were abused by Arabs and black men. You never hear about the reverse: extolling the beauty of white men and warning them against going with black women. The truth is, much like the Israeli organization Lehava (who keep talking about women as ‘daughters of kings’, warning against Arabs who seduce Jewish women into their villages and abusing them there), anti-white rhetoric about how white people ‘take [black people’s/Asians’] women’, and the Mongolian Tsagaan Khas (who talk about foreigners making lots of money and taking their women), they see women as some kind of resource they feel entitled to and are terrified of having taken away from them. (Cracked once had an article about a former Neo-Nazi named Frank Meeink who started associating with black inmates, because the Nazis kept talking about his girlfriend being unfaithful; the black inmates congratulated him when she was pregnant. I think that sums it up amazingly.)

Finally, I found out they were a lot more diverse than people give them credit for. Aside from the VERY ‘Neo’-Nazi mentioned above, they vary in terms of economic beliefs (unlike the KKK, who see Socialism as a foreign evil, they are more split on the issue), religious beliefs (i.e. badly interpreted Christianity, badly interpreted paganism, and badly interpreted purely secular ‘science’), and other issues. I’ve even come across a ‘feminist’ blog (NSFW) claiming patriarchy is a Jewish conspiracy, and I’m not entirely sure whether it’s for real or not, and another one saying Nazis and Muslims are natural allies that Jews have set against each other.

I’ve had the most interaction with two particular Nazis on Tumblr.

The first of the two was a Serbian woman. She was an admin on a general anti-SJ blog, which also featured a hardcore Christian who claimed Jews were ‘devil spawns’ or something based on (misquoted) New Testament quotes, an avid fanboy of Assad’s regime (his presence and their defence of Palestinians was justified because apparently ‘Arabs are Aryans’), and other idiots. I clashed with her a few times and talked about how her sense of superiority based on not being ‘a cumdumpster’ had nothing to do with actual respect and everything to do with succumbing to male standards. Then I accused the admins of that blog of subscribing to the ideology just as an excuse for violence; she said that she’d adopted it because of her experience with NATO’s aggression towards Serbia, their mishandling of the Trepča Mines (which she attributed to greed), and deep contempt towards George Soros for his involvement in all of it. I sympathized with her, and we began debating with far more civilized tones.

She talked about how SJ ideology has gone out of control (e.g. the dismay caused by a road named ‘Bangays Way’ named after a historian named Bangay), and how much of it was forced on her, and how she felt like she was being attacked simply because she espoused endogamy to preserve her culture. I agreed with her about the crazier bunch in the SJ crowd, talked about how she used really gross generalizations (apparently she thought Jews could agree on ANYTHING), pointed out some misinterpretations (e.g. that people protesting the road were less ‘THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE’ and more ‘this looks iffy, come on guys’), and pointed out the problems with defining what a culture is. After a short while she said she was sick and occupied so she couldn’t answer, and then she just deleted her blog. I wish she hadn’t, it was getting interesting.

The second one was the guy who posted that Hitler quote, who was also the same one claiming California had a non-white majority. I argued pretty fervently, with citations and everything, and he was apparently genuinely impressed. He sent me a personal message saying that was the first time he was not dismissed by an SJW for his ideology and was actually debated in earnest (albeit with lots of insults) and wanted to have a serious reasoned debate. I agreed, we chatted some, and he explained that he was an EMT who would treat non-white people just fine but still preferred a world where nations were divided into races and had fair fights in armed conflict over territory and wealth.

He wanted the divide to be based on race because, he claimed, races have serious genetic differences based on their evolution in different environments that made them incompatible in terms of living side by side. I asked him for citations (and also my close friend, who is working on his PhD in biochemistry), and he kept stalling on and on (at first it was because he was out celebrating his birthday, then basically just because), and then we stopped talking. (Meanwhile my friend found citations saying that it was overwhelmingly bullshit, and in fact he found an article showing Yoruba people lack a mutation found in white and Asian people that caused aggressive behaviour.)

Eventually I tagged him in a post asking him if he agreed with the harassment Jews in Whitefish, MT over rumours that they were harassing his mother. Eventually we ended up in an argument where he said it was only natural for people to lie and have double standards when it comes to theirs and an opposing view, and that he wanted me to drop dead. I strongly rejected that notion and pointed out how I’ve criticized leftist over and over for their lies; he conceded I was morally superior but he didn’t think that mattered.

In private I expressed my disappointment with him. I told him I’d thought better of him and his interest in having a serious debate; he responded, ‘The Jew cries out in pain as he strikes you.’ The nerve of a guy using ‘Kozak hanigzel’ on a Hebrew speaker from Israel… Man was that disappointing. I blocked him.

At any rate, I blocked him. A day or two later, when I wanted to see if he was swamped with anons for this and getting lots of shit for basically admitting his ideology was indefensible, but his blog was already deleted. I want to believe he realized this himself, that he needed to do some real thinking if a ‘degenerate’ like me proved his moral superior, but I can never know.

These two interactions and some others have led me to wonder if sincere Nazis, who are actually good but horribly misguided people, were mostly women. I wonder.

Ultimately, I feel really sorry for Nazis of the latter kind, and the alt-right crowd in general. From what I’ve seen, they’re really miserable people: they think of love and sex in terms of conquest and keeping what they got (hence the constant talk about ‘cucks’, who are too ineffectual to keep their ‘property’ theirs), not actual human connection. They’re so obsessed with power and maintaining and demonstrating it that they seem to have no concept of genuine compassion: they write it all off as ‘virtue signalling’, i.e. pretending to be virtuous for the sake of some kind of social capital. They’re so bitter they’ve become obsessed with spite, talking so much about ‘liberal tears’ they barely argue their own position. There’s such a deep sense of fear and loneliness and resentment there, and when they don’t scare me, I feel really sad for them.

On the other hand, I’d like to say a few words about anti-Nazis:

The attack on Richard Spencer triggered a whole lot of posts on Tumblr about how punching Nazis is not only justified but morally mandatory (because Nazis could never reform, you see, and were necessarily evil), which I strongly objected to on the grounds that Nazis were a diverse group, with many motivations and backgrounds, and responding to them with violence could be counterproductive in many cases (I cited Lamb & Lynx Gaede, the aforementioned Meeink, and all the KKK members Daryl Davis has dissuaded: all of them converted by peaceful means). I’ve seen people shamelessly call me a ‘Nazi sympathizer’ by some people on that website, and at one point I wanted to take legal action, considering the kind of harassment that accusation could lead to.

The same kind of belligerent attitude is found in the far left as well. Those ‘beat the Fascists where you find them’ anti-Nazis seem to be far more preoccupied with letting out aggression against rivals than actually dismantling their threatening ideology. They’re only marginally better, and also suffer from similar ills (e.g. incessant lying) and some others (e.g. scouting for perceived ideological rivals to unleash aggression on). This is why I’ve pretty much left Tumblr altogether.

[stardyng]

Transphobia in the LGBT Community

To hear cisgendered lesbian and gay people say transphobic things is not as rare as we like to believe it is. It may not  happen as concurrently as with heterosexuals, but it does happen way too much especially for a self-proclaimed accepting and inclusive community. That brings a certain sense of exclusion into our community, one that was haunting this community since it was created. This transphobia often exist in reason of their misunderstanding or lack of knowledge many have on trans folks and on trans people in general, in reason of their own extreme self-denial on the non-conformity they have on their gender which they take out on trans folks often by excluding or hating them, in reason of the newfound and rather widespread acceptance of privileged white gay men  in North America that created a unity with heterosexuals that’s leading to them trying to distance themselves from trans people, in reason of the hate people feel on the fact that we include trans rights as one of the many sort of rights the LGBTQ community have to fight for especially since it’s more controversial than marriage equality per example and also because of the anonymity that many cisgendered women feel that are aimed at trans women.

So much that a substantial amount of discussions that include gays/bi/les about trans people often include a lot of muzzling, unrivaled venom, harassment and even in the worse case scenario death threats. All of these negative feelings and the ignorance that exist in the community about trans folks  really intersect with trans folks when these trans folks happen to also be a sexual minority and are therefore enforced into regular social situations with ignorant cisgendered sexual minority  folks and that leads to certain conflicts, to feelings being hurt and to the exclusion of transgender folks  in general.  Really, there’s a clear systematic problem that exist in the LGBTQ community when it comes to trans rights and trans folks in general that is created because of LGBTQ organisations, the queer media, from queer men and even more from queer women.

To be blunt, LGBTQ organisations typically ignore trans folks and their issues. Despite the fact that these people have always been in the front of the revolution for queer rights politically and socially, they have just as concurrently received wrong end of the stick, especially non-binary and agender ones. The thing is that often, they are lumped with the rest of the community so people assume that trans folks are rightfully catered in queer spaces but they have always been just an afterthought. Big organisations often just have a limited amount of trans folks who are mostly white to fit with the token system in order to earn more funding rather than actually focus of the needs of trans folks who are probably the more marginalized part of the queer community. This is to the point where the basic needs of these people are not even met by these organisations. Food and sanctuary for homeless trans folks, a rightful healthcare free of bigotry, protection in their workplaces, the public bathroom debate and security from different kinds of assaults are all things that are ignored by these organisations despite the fact that trans folks (and queer people of color)  are the part of the community the most attacked and marginalized by our society.

On the other hand, when these organisations try to talk about trans issues, it’s mostly highly ignorant and apathetic cisgendered queer folks who do it and that have more negative affects than it has positive which leaves trans perspectives mostly absent from these organisations. This invisibility in these organisations (and in the media) leaves these people with no one there to represent them especially in these so called safe spaces. That’s not forgetting the constant invisibility that is present in the media with the exclusion of trans folks in LGBTQ history, and the atrocious and rare representation of trans folks on tv which creates a lot of misconceptions and perpetuates ignorance. In the end, there’s simply just so much to do in order for trans folks to truly feel safe and included in queer safe spaces and organisations and they should feel included and safe instead of constantly having to defend and advocating themselves in the community. By ignoring a major portion of our  community, we are only undermining our vow for actual equality.

In the entire LGBTQ community, one of the biggest gaps that exist  has to be the one between cisgendered lesbians and queer trans women. For starters, there is a troubling number of non-intentionally transphobic lesbians whom not only fear trans women but seem to also believe myths about trans women that they often openly perpetuate like how trans women fit into this very strained, old-dated way of being a woman which lesbians have fought extremely hard to dismantle in a political and social sense with media only contributing to this perpetuation as it also ignore all the range of gender presentations that trans women harbor and only focus on this tired stereotype. Of course, in comparison to other ways transphobia transpires in the lesbian community this is nothing and one of the ways which overshadows this one has to be the transphobia in the dating scene.

Often when lesbian trans woman are searching for a partner, they are rejected everywhere because of their gender state despite the fact that trans women do not harbor any physical trait that is consistent and common to every single trans woman despite the fact that they are trans. That’s because the reason for this rejection and their so called ‘’lack of attraction’’ of trans women only exist in reason of their perception of the concept of what it is to be a  trans women which often stem from cultural perceptions and in reason of the stereotypes and myths that exist about trans folks.  But many ignore or invalidate these claims since these claims which feel quite unfair and very accusatory  don’t perceive themselves as transphobic. There’s also the fact that it’s not easy to tell the difference between honestly not being attracted to a trans individual and not being attracted to a trans individual in reason the repulsion and distress of the concept being with someone they see as being actually a man which is obviously a perspective smothered in our society transphobic constraints which are often mediated in a socio-culturally that only oppress, estrange and dehumanize trans women.

This very big gap that exists between both communities doesn’t particularly stem from the treatment trans women are subjected to in the lesbian dating scene as it mostly is present reason of TERFS who are a group of cisgendered lesbians who are radical feminists whom mainly focus their time on constantly perpetuating exaggerated myths and ideas about trans folks which are typically shared by conservatives christians. The term itself means trans-exclusionary radical feminists which while rejected by the group describes their ideologies perfectly as they believe that transwomen are not only men but their goal is to invade safe spaces that are inclusivity for women and also believe that these ‘’predatory men’’ simply appropriate femininity for gains, whether they be social or sexual. Thankfully, this group is  small in number however they are also extremely visible and vocal enough to create a toxic gap between cisgendered lesbians and trans women.

They first and foremost spread many rumors about trans women such as the myth that trans women force other lesbians to date them by antagonizing them by saying that these women are transphobic by refusing to date them (It only is if it is because they are trans) which they perpetuate this specific myth in order to paint trans women as not only men, but also as rapists. It doesn’t really stop there as this gender-critical will use every method possible to dehumanize trans women and even more exclude and attack them. They often disallow these women from entering women only spaces and from certain LGBTQ inclusive events and certain organisations, they bully and harass  trans men into not transitioning often with myths and stereotypes, they generally just mock and harass trans people, they out them to their family and friends, they expose personal info about them to the world, they dedicate sites into putting them down,  they mock these women bodies and simply offer some of the most atrocious and disgusting manifestation of transphobia online and offline. They paint themselves as good people by saying that these actions validly embodies feminism and that they are only doing this to protect cisgendered women from trans women.

To a much lesser degree, the relationship between gay men and trans people is troubled as most gay men do not have any problem with the transgender community and do not try to take trans rights away from trans people and it’s generally not common nowadays as a big number of gay men are participating in the movement that’s created for trans acceptance and for trans people to have equal rights. However, an equal amount gay men simply have a unconcerned opinion on trans people which only turns into this belligerent hostility when gay men start to intersect with trans folks. The negativity of this intersection can come from both community as there are as many gay men who are transphobic as there are trans folks who are homophobic. However this transphobia which is established enough to be very hurtful is much more of a problem since discrimination tends to affects people who are lower on the social pyramid more. It’s definitely not as hurtful as the discrimination coming from cishets. Per example, even if in a LGBT space, some gay men constantly use the t-word, the space itself offers much more safety than the heterosexual one. That doesn’t change the problem itself which typically involve stereotypes.

Such stereotypes include the one that trans women are inherently attracted to men, and only transitioned into to be with heterosexual men which ultimately insinuate that the gay and trans communities cannot intersect. There’s the myth that trans men embodie this narrow-minded way of being masculine e which lead to gay men invalidating and questioning trans men when they do certain gay male traditions that are feminine in nature, the stereotype that trans men are actually just lesbians with body issues, that trans women are in some way or another into this reflection of themselves as women or the very misogynistic  stereotype that gay trans men are straight women who are not adequate since they are so comfortable with gay men and wanted to be with a gay man so much that they become one. This stereotype ultimately paints femaleness as so inferior that women have to escape it and despite it’s ridiculousness, it’s so incredibly sexist that it also became a common belief since misogyny is so widespread that it can be attached to almost all the types of discrimination. Regardless, these get really problematic when they are shared.

The place where the biggest amount of problems takes place in the gay male community is in it’s exclusive dating scene which has cisgendered masculine muscular white gay men as its center. In fact, the community as a whole has this image as the forefront of the community and that definitely has a certain amount of effects on trans men. The first being that some gay men validate their sexualities by degrading women’s bodies and more specifically, their genitalia. Some trans men still haven’t done the surgery on their lower half which is why it’s not only hurtful but also why many gay men actively exclude the entire trans men community in very disgusting ways (It’s okay to not want to date a guy for having a vagina, it’s just the way you do it that makes it okay or not okay and not every trans men have vaginas). Generally, this attitude towards this type of genitalia is regressive since it ignores the diversity that exist when it comes to gender identities and sexual orientations. Regardless, this idealization of this specific body time which seems okay at first actually ends up being cissexist and misogynistic as it shames every queer men who are not gay, who are of color, who are slim or/and effeminate, who are either not in the back half of their 10s or not in their 20s and/or are transgendered.

Thing is not being attracted to everyone is perfectly fine and no one can be but grouping everyone of a specific race, sexuality or a gender state(cis, trans) and deeming every single one of them as inferior and inherently not dateable because of stereotypes and myths about that specific part of them is is not fine and rather discriminatory regardless of whether it be conscious action or not(which is why not being attracted to a certain gender does not quality as that isn’t inmate). In general, in order for there to be progression we need to let the trans voice be heard and respect the people voicing their thoughts on trans issues instead of portraying them as simply being bitter or even just jaded. Conversations about these issues help positively influence some people's mindsets on trans folks which is why as a community, we should start doing this. So start calling out transphobia and  start including trans issues when it comes to discussion about LGBTQ rights whether they be bathroom laws which can be exclusive to trans folks and honestly, simply knowing that everyone deserves to individually treated with dignity and courtesy regardless of their presentation is a good start which can be done by confronting all the myths we hold,  the biases we harbor and our sometimes exclusive viewpoints so that hopefully, one day, we’ll stop treating the movement for equality like the LG movement and more like the LGBT movement.