#but maybe I'll try putting up at least some of the lights this weekend and see how they tolerate them

[sheliesshattered]

why haven't I decorated my porch for Halloween yet?

because if I did my crow friends wouldn't come visit me

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 8 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter contains mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: peach, curses, luxury, impostor syndrome, alcohol, jungkook's family, they are so gone for each other my dude, explicit content: hickeys, dom!Jungkook, big dick!Jungkook, jerking off, oral sex (male receiving), exhibitionism (sort of but not really), protected sex, Jungkook is a teasing hoe, marking, ass slapping, praising, clit play

☆word count: 13.5k

☆a/n: NEW YOOOORK!!! My second favourite chapter of this series bc it's just so asjgsrjgsabfgo but I'll let you guys be the judge of that haha enjoy reading <3 and thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing, you're the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, March 8th 

The sun is high in the sky, the snow melting on the side of the road, and Jungkook’s car is eating the miles towards New York, the music you’ve been listening to since you’ve left loud yet enjoyable.

Or maybe what’s truly enjoyable is the smile on Jungkook’s face whenever you meet his gaze while you’re bolting a duet, singing over the music.

Scratch that, you’ve been enjoying yourself because you’re with Jungkook. It doesn’t matter what you’d be doing - as long as it’s with Jungkook, you know you’d have fun. Even as his car slows down almost to a halt as you near the city and face its traffic, it doesn’t deter you.

No, Jungkook’s wide grin and his hand on your thigh keeps your mind far too occupied to be able to produce anything other than serotonin, and you think you deserve it. Especially after the uncertainty of the last few weeks, you deserve this moment with Jungkook.

This moment, away from reminders of Taehyung and of how you know this relationship is bound to explode in your face one day.

You shove that thought away as Jungkook’s giggle fills the car, and you glance at him, smiling brightly.

“You’re not really going to put some Taylor Swift on,” Jungkook complains, yet it’s at odds with the amused light in his eyes.

“I sure am,” you reply, and the song Welcome to New York starts playing. 

You know it by heart, and Jungkook watches you in awe as you sing. If you weren’t rational, you’d assume he’s looking at you with heart-shaped eyes, but you know better than that.

You’re just his fake girlfriend for the weekend. Nothing more. 

Nothing more than the fact that you will meet his entire family, including his extended family, tomorrow. He doesn’t seem like he cares, and you’ve been trying to pretend that you don’t care either, but it is making you feel anxious.

You’ve never had a boyfriend that you’ve met the family of before. Or actually, you’ve never had a boyfriend whatsoever.

Jungkook knows his way in the city. You’re not surprised - he grew up here, and he told you he usually spends his summers back home as well to work and make enough money for the year. What you’re surprised about is that the streets down which he starts driving once you’re passed the traffic and into the city proper look expensive, exuding wealth that you could only ever wish to know.

It only increases when he parks his car in the underground parking garage of a huge skyscraper which apparently holds condos and the like.

At least that’s what he says. 

“Leave your bag in the car,” Jungkook tells you as you’re about to fetch your duffel bag from the backseat. 

You cock an eyebrow in question. “Aren’t we here?”

He smiles mischievously, eyes shining in the white neon light of the underground garage. “I’m taking you shopping.”

“Why?” you burst out, looking down at yourself. “Are my clothes not good enough?”

He walks around the car, pulling you away from the car door by the hand before he shuts it behind you, leaning against it. 

“Trust me, peach, your clothes are perfect for me,” he says. “But I much prefer you without the clothes on.”

He winks, and you punch him in the shoulder, cheeks flaming.

“You’re insufferable,” you grumble.

“You like it.”

“I don’t.”

He smiles as you fake-glare at him, until you both start laughing. He extends a hand for you to take, and you let him engulf your small hand with his large one as he pulls you towards the elevator.

“Seriously though, I’ll get you a nice dress for tomorrow night,” Jungkook says as you reach the elevator, and he presses the call button. “Not that I don’t trust what you’ve brought,” he quickly adds before you could say anything. “More as a thank you for doing this for me.”

You narrow your eyes at him, yet you nod your head. Because who would say no to free clothes?

Certainly not you.

Jungkook pulls you behind him in the elevator when the doors slide open, and then presses on the ground floor. Once you get off, he’s quick to guide you down a hallway that looks straight out of a fancy hotel - marble floors reflecting the light of the sconces on the walls, abstract paintings at regular intervals on the wall to the left, over dark oak tables with white flowers in crystal vases. 

The hallway even smells expensive, and you throw a curious glance to Jungkook.

“Where are we?” you ask, unable to help yourself.

He glances at you over his shoulder, winking at you. “Home.”

“This is what you call home?” you ask, thinking about the small apartment you grew up in on the poor side of the city you hail from.

He shrugs. “I feel more at home back in college, but yeah, I grew up here.”

“Jungkook,” you say, tugging on his hand to stop him, but he’s determined, his steps unfaltering.

You grumble under your breath, yet you follow him out into the early evening setting sun, the doors of the building golden. You don’t ask the questions that are burning in your mind - what do his parents do for a living? Why didn’t he mention he was rich?

Why does he live in that small, old apartment with you and Taehyung if he can afford so much more?

The questions spin in your head like they are a tornado of thoughts, and they only increase in speed as he pulls you to an Yves Saint Laurent store, pushing the door open as if he owns the place.

Could he…?

“Jeon Jungkook!” a middle-aged lady greets him, her face lighting up as you come into view. “We haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Hey, Mrs Smith,” Jungkook answers. “Meet my girlfriend.”

He tugs on your hand, forcing you to step out from behind him, and you blush as the lady appears. She’s tall, though you believe it might be because she’s wearing stilettos, and her skirt and blazer combo makes her look like a businesswoman. 

The nametag on the blazer is a clear indication that she isn’t, though. No, she visibly works here.

“Hello,” you awkwardly say, not knowing what else to say as she looks you up and down.

“Are you here for a new wardrobe?” she asks, the question directed towards Jungkook as if what you’re wearing is the ugliest outfit anyone has ever come up with before.

You try to not take offense, yet you find yourself momentarily clenching your jaw as Jungkook replies, “No, just for a dress for Junghyun’s engagement party.”

Mrs Smith nods, and she motions towards what looks like a small scene in front of multiple mirrors. It’s the kind of thing you’ve seen before in period pieces, where the seamstresses take the ladies’ measurement. So you’re not entirely surprised when Mrs Smith pulls out a measuring tape from a hidden pocket in her blazer, and you let her do her work, your eyes on Jungkook as he watches with an amused smile on his lips.

“You could have warned me,” you say, and Mrs Smith looks up towards you, the frown on her features convincing you to shut up until she’s done.

Jungkook only laughs, saying, “I’ve got a lot to tell you.”

He does. He certainly does, and though it’s pissing you off, there’s something endearing about the way he’s watching from that couch, the small smile on his lips softening his features. 

You fall silent as Mrs Smith keeps working, and soon she’s sauntering off, the sound of her stilettos click-clacking slowly fading. You immediately climb off from the little scene, storming towards Jungkook.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were rich?” you ask.

He shrugs. “Does it change anything?”

“It doesn’t.” You look around, not quite believing that you’re standing in a designer store. “But then it does.”

He pouts, the expression so adorable you feel like leaning in and kissing him. It’s startling, and before you can do anything, Mrs Smith comes back with a light blue dress she wants you to try on. You follow the lady to the dressing room, and Jungkook offers you a wink as you glance at him over your shoulder.

Mrs Smith leads you into the room, and it’s way too large for just a dressing room. She leaves the dress on a hook against a wall, in front of a tall standing mirror, and you thank her as she gets out, gently shutting the door behind her.

Which leaves you alone with your thoughts, and with the fact that Jungkook wants to buy you a designer dress. 

You take a look at the dress. It’s beautiful, the colour eerily similar to that of a summer sky, yet maybe somewhat a little paler. You step towards it, searching for a tag, but you can’t find any. The softness of the fabric is a clear indication that it is probably worth more than everything you own combined together, and you anxiously take off your clothes to put it on.

One look in the mirror makes you feel like a princess. Like you’re the one someone might write a story about, or sing a song to. Even though your hair is a mess and you’re not wearing any makeup, you feel more beautiful than you’ve ever felt before.

The dress hugs your curves perfectly, enhancing them in all the right places. It looks like it was tailor-made for you, and for a moment you believe you’re in love.

You really do think you’re in love when you shyly step out of the dressing room for Mrs Smith to finish zipping the dress up, and Jungkook looks up from his phone to look at you.

The smirk on his lips slowly dies down, and his gaze doesn’t move from you as you step closer. You don’t think he’s blinking, or even breathing, and you truly feel like the most beautiful woman in the world right now.

“Do you like the dress?” a female voice to your left says, but you can’t look away from Jungkook.

You’re entranced, and it seems that he is too. Like you’re the center of the universe, or maybe that’s him - it’s hard to tell.

“We’ll take it,” Jungkook says after a moment, and he gets up. 

Towering over you, he tilts your head back with a finger on your chin, and you gulp as your gazes connect.

“On the family tab?” Mrs Smith asks. 

“Yes.”

“How much is the dress?” you can’t help but query, turning your head towards Mrs Smith.

She regards you with an eyebrow cocked, before glancing at Jungkook. “10,350 dollars, miss.”

Your mouth falls open as she walks away, and you immediately look back towards Jungkook.

“No,” is all that you say.

He flicks your nose. “Don’t cause a scene, peach.”

“I’m not causing a scene,” you say through gritted teeth. “This dress is worth more than a year of my share of the rent.”

“And? Your point?”

You roll your eyes, folding your arms on your chest. “I’m not letting you buy this.”

“Well too bad for you, it’s already paid for.”

He winks at you again, and then plops back down on the couch, his smirk widening into a grin that makes butterflies come to life in your stomach.

It’s a feeling you don’t like, so you turn your back on him, heading back to the dressing room. With new respect for the dress, you slowly take it off, treating it reverently. Once it’s safely back on the hanger, you put your clothes back on, hands shaking a little at the enormity of what Jungkook just did.

Though, to him, it doesn’t seem like it was a lot. Indeed, when you get out of the dressing room, leaving the dress behind because you don’t dare touch it again, Jungkook springs up from the couch, offering you his hand.

And even though you feel like maybe you don’t really know anything about him, you take his hand. His fingers close around yours, gently, and he offers you a smile that makes you warm like spring days, when the world is coming back to life.

And as you walk behind him, you think maybe, maybe this weekend is a great opportunity to get to know him better. To get to know the man that hides behind the cocky behaviour, the one you’ve seen on multiple occasions already.

Though it should scare you, the thought only makes you hold onto Jungkook’s fingers a little tighter. He reciprocates, and it’s with a heart beating wildly that he waits with you for Mrs Smith to bring the dress over, safely hidden in a dress bag. Jungkook takes it for you, and then he pulls you behind him.

You’re soon swallowed by the New York city bustling crowd, though Jungkook is a lighthouse in the storm and you feel safe.

You feel safe with him, and that, more than anything, scares you.

*****

“You’re shitting me,” is all you say when Jungkook leads you into his room, once you’re back at the condominium in which he grew up.

You’d gathered enough information to know that he was rich. But you didn’t think he was rich rich - the condo he grew up in is on the two highest levels of the skyscraper, with an unparalleled view of Central Park that’s making you feel like you’re a bird soaring in the sky.

Jungkook laughs behind you as he shuts the door, dropping your duffel bag and his next to it. You’ve been carrying the dress up, treating it like the treasure that it is, and Jungkook gently takes it from your hand as he walks away, disappearing in what you can only assume is his walk-in wardrobe. 

He pops back out a few seconds later, minus the dress bag, and he offers you a smile that’s even more blinding than the city view. “No, I’m not,” he says.

You chuckle, cheeks burning for a reason you don’t quite understand, and then you scan his room. It’s cold, empty, void of the quality that makes his room back at the apartment feel like his. This room is impersonal, the kind of room you’d see in interior design magazines, with the black bed covers and equally as dark walls. Light comes from behind the bed frame, yet the true beauty of the room is that of the city, and you take it in as you step closer to the floor-to-ceiling window that is the wall at the foot of the bed.

“I can’t believe it,” you murmur. “This is so beautiful.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

You slowly nod, glancing towards Jungkook. “I can’t believe you chose to live in that shitty apartment with Tae when this is what you were accustomed to.”

He shrugs, not answering anything, as he instead heads to where he left the duffel bags so that he can carry them into the walk-in. You follow him then, curious to see what the rest of his bedroom looks like.

The walk-in is empty, save for a corner that holds a couple of suits you imagine to be from different designer brands. You notice a few dress shirts over there too, but your gaze focuses on the PC setup that’s in between two walls of shelves.

Finally, something that feels like Jungkook.

You walk towards it, rolling the chair back so that you can sit in it. Jungkook drops your duffel bag on the shelf behind you, and you turn your chair so that you can face him.

“You want to play?” he asks.

“What games do you have?”

He leans towards you, and you catch a whiff of his cologne as he turns the PC on. 

“Honestly I don’t remember what’s downloaded on the PC,” he truthfully replies. “Just check out my Steam account.”

And then he’s walking towards the other side of the walk-in, heading towards what you can only assume is the bathroom. You spring up from the chair, and it rolls behind you from the sudden motion as you jog to the bathroom.

You’re not surprised to see just how expensive the bathroom looks. Black tiles cover the floor, and they climb the walls of the walk-in shower next to which a wide-standing cabinet with glass doors is. A proper look at the shower shows that it’s one with multiple shower heads, and you already know the shower you’ll take later will be heavenly, clearly the best you’ll ever take in your life. Jungkook leans on the counter, folding his arm on his chest as he watches you taking everything in, your gaze wide from awe.

“You don’t even have a bath,” you comment, and Jungkook bursts out laughing.

“I never needed one. But if you want to take a bath, there’s one in the bigger bathroom on this level.”

“Isn’t it connected to like… your parents’ room or something?” you ask.

He shrugs. “Yeah, but my parents haven’t stayed here since I was five,” he reveals. “They prefer staying at hotels.”

You furrow your brow. “They have such a nice condo and they don’t even enjoy it?”

Another shrug of Jungkook tells you that he, too, doesn’t understand his parents. 

“If you want, I can give you a tour of the whole place,” Jungkook suggests after a beat of silence.

Your eyes light up, and you nod forcefully. “Yes. Please, I’d love to.”

He laughs at your enthusiasm, before motioning towards the toilet. “I do have to go to the bathroom first, if you’ll excuse me.”

Cheeks burning, you mumble an apology that makes him laugh as you step out of the bathroom, and he gently closes the door behind you. Embarrassed, you make your way back to the gaming setup, and you watch the landscape picture of the welcome screen. Pressing on enter reveals that Jungkook doesn’t have a password for the computer, and a moment later his Steam library appears in front of your eyes.

Obviously he’s got every game you can imagine, and you don’t have time to go through the whole library before he’s out, ready to give you the tour. And the rest of the condo is just as impressive as Jungkook’s bedroom is, though the whole thing feels… empty. Void of life. Which, you assume it is considering his parents don’t live here most of the time, and his brother owns a city house with his fiancée. 

Your favourite part ends up being the kitchen, even though you don’t cook. But who wouldn’t like the beauty of the marble counters, of the white cupboards and of the impressive glass chandelier that hangs over the long dinner table?

You end up sitting on a stool at the island, watching Jungkook as he moves through the kitchen. He finds instant noodles in the pantry, and he comes out of it with a wide grin on his lips.

“Found dinner,” he says.

You laugh. “You’ve got such a nice kitchen and all you’ll cook are some instant noodles?”  

He narrows his gaze at you. “You have a problem against instant noodles?”

You snort, shrugging your shoulders. “No.”

He doesn’t seem convinced, but he drops it, focusing on making food for the two of you. It takes a few minutes, but he’s soon sitting next to you, two bowls of noodles wafting steam in front of you. It smells good, if not a bit spicy, and you grab the chopsticks he put out for you.

“Thanks for the food,” you tell him, flashing a grin to him that makes his features soften in a far too dangerous way for you.

So you look away, cheeks dusting in pink, and you start eating. Though the noodles are indeed spicy, you endure the burn, finding that you actually enjoy it a little bit. Maybe because it’s distracting you from the thought that you’re with your brother’s best friend - you ought to stop thinking about it anyway.

Here, Jungkook isn’t Taehyung’s best friend. Here, he’s just Jungkook, and you’re just you.

Saturday March 9th

You feel like an impostor. 

The venue for the engagement party is luxurious, nestled on the top floors of one of the many skyscrapers of Manhattan. The people in attendance are all dressed to the nines, as if trying to impress. 

Or you’re just impressed because you’ve never seen so many designer clothes in such a place before. 

The floor is made of shiny marble, the ceiling high. A huge, glass chandelier hangs from it, and multiple columns are decorated with shiny golden garlands. In one corner, in front of tall windows overlooking New York City, a photobooth is set up, but you’ve remained clear of it so far.

You and Jungkook are both aware that you can’t risk having pictures of you taken. Not when they could easily be found by Taehyung, or by other people from back at college.

Like Ria, who questioned you for hours when you said you were going to spend the weekend in New York…

You know you’ll be grilled when you get home, but you push that thought aside, much like you’ve been putting all thoughts of your regular life aside. Jungkook has been making it easy - his smile and laughter, ever so constant yesterday evening, has been grounding, and though he does seem anxious right now, he’s remained by your side, making sure to put you at ease.

You haven’t met his parents or brother yet, but he’s introduced to some cousins that approached you, some of them surprisingly only speaking Korean. Jungkook bridged the gap between you and them, translating when needed, and they have now moved to the refreshment table, adorned with a pyramid of champagne glasses you’ve imagined toppling over at least fifteen times since you’ve arrived.

You really do feel like an impostor at the sight of all the easy luxury. Of the Louboutin high heels, the Louis Vuitton purses, the expensive suits and dresses everyone is wearing. The vast room smells rich, and it truly isn’t your crowd.

“Smile, peach,” Jungkook says, nudging you with his elbow.

Your gaze slides to him, and as it’s been doing since you finished getting ready earlier, your breath catches in your throat. There’s just something about the pale pants and the light blue dress shirt he’s wearing that makes him seem even more attractive than you’ve always found him. Maybe it’s the way the fabric stretches on his chest, revealing his hard-earned muscles. Or maybe it’s the vulnerability in his gaze.

He doesn’t seem more comfortable than you in this crowd.

“You smile,” you throw back at him, and he immediately does, a low laugh shaking through him.

“Do you want something to drink?”

You look down at yourself, wincing. “I’m afraid I’ll ruin the dress.”

“So you’re just going to stand still the whole evening because you’re afraid to ruin your clothes?” he teases.

You clench your jaw, rolling your eyes. “Precisely.”

“Loosen up, peach,” Jungkook insists, and there’s something in the way he says it that makes you think maybe he needs you to.

Maybe he truly does need your support at this fancy party. So you find yourself accepting to get drinks, and you’re almost done with the first glass when Jungkook tenses next to you, freezing like a deer in headlights. 

His doe eyes are on the doors, and you look in the direction to see an older woman and man walking in, the woman’s hand on her husband’s arm. You see a little bit of Jungkook in them - the woman’s eyes are Jungkook’s, and the man has the same nose and lips - so you immediately know that they are Jungkook’s parents.

The woman scans the room, and her eyes stop on you. In the distance it’s hard to tell if she looks happy to see her son - she barely even reacts, though she tugs her husband in your direction. You glance to Jungkook, but he really does seem frozen.

“Are you okay?” you ask, resting a hand on his arm.

He startles, toying with his piercings with his tongue before nodding curtly. “All good.”

You look towards his parents, and they’ve already crossed half of the room.

“Is that…” you trail off, knowing how rhetorical the question is.

“Yep.”

“What should I do?” you ask, tugging on his arm.

His eyes snap to you, and they’re void of the warmth you usually recognize in them. They’re like chips of ice - empty, cold, and something aches in your chest.

“Just be yourself.”

You offer him a small smile. His gaze is quick to drop to it, and you see the moment it warms. You see the moment he realizes he’s not alone, not right now, even though this is all but a subterfuge.

You’re not his girlfriend, but you’ll sure as hell try to be the best friend you can be for him right now.

“Jungkook,” his mother says as she stops in front of you, and your gaze slides to her.

She looks regal, standing ramrod straight with a steely look on her face. She spares you a quick glance, cocking an eyebrow before resuming her attention on Jungkook.

“Mother,” Jungkook replies in the same cold, formal tone.

“Glad to see you came around and decided to come.”

Jungkook doesn’t reply, but he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer. “I wanted to introduce Y/n to the family.”

Heart beating out of your chest, you look up to Jungkook, observing the firm set of his jaw. He seems determined, like a man going into battle, and you wonder if that is what it is.

If Jungkook brought you here to rile his family up.

His mother finally truly takes you in, her eyes skimming over you. “I don’t think we know each other,” she says, and there is so much contempt in her voice you furrow your brow.

“I don’t think so,” you answer, trying to sound as polite as you possibly can. You bow your head, meeting her gaze when you straighten. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Jungkook’s father pats his wife’s hand. She lets him go, almost reluctantly, and he walks away, heading to a group of men that seem far too happy to see him.

You wonder if you should take offence to him walking away when you just tried to introduce yourself, though the way Jungkook is staring at his mother lets you know that the true opponent of this battle is the woman in front of you, and not the man that just left.

“Likewise,” she replies, and this time she doesn’t hide the contempt from her voice at all. It drips to her features, and she scrunches up her nose in disgust, looking down at the high heels you’re wearing.

A simple pair of high heels you’ve bought for your high school prom, that you’ve been reusing whenever you have the occasion.

“Nice shoes,” Jungkook’s mother says, and you can tell that she means it as an insult. 

You clench your jaw, cocking an eyebrow as you get ready to reply, but Jungkook intervenes with a stern, “Mother.”

“You thought dressing her up in a nice dress would make us forget that she’s not from our class?”

The insult is stark, and you widen your gaze as your heart rate spikes, your blood heating up in your veins.

“Excuse me?” you let out, unable to resist.

Jungkook’s mother meets your gaze. “At least she’s got a tongue on her.”

“And I’ll ask you to make a fucking effort for once,” Jungkook spits.

She frowns. “Do not curse, boy. It doesn’t suit you.”

He laughs, a short, dry sound that makes the hair dress on your arms. She clenches her jaw, a muscle feathering under the skin, and you wonder where Jungkook learned to be warm. Where he learned to smile like he’s lighter than a feather, like he’s never known any atrocities. Because standing here, you realize just how cold his upbringing must have been like.

And it’s strange. The little boy in the picture on his bedside table was all smiles, eyes crinkling with joy. You’d assumed the picture had been taken by his parents, but now that you’ve met his mother, you highly doubt she’s ever been the source of a smile on Jungkook’s lips.

While you’ve been thinking, Jungkook and his mother were stuck in a staring contest, a battle of will that Jungkook wins. Indeed, his mother sighs deeply and then turns towards you again.

“Where do you come from?” she asks.

You gulp under the scrutiny of her gaze, yet give her the answer.

“What do your parents do for a living?”

You tense, for that is an answer that even Jungkook doesn’t know. 

“My mother is a nurse,” you reply. You feel Jungkook’s curious gaze on your profile, but you resist glancing at him. “And I do not know my father.”

Jungkook’s mother blinks once, and then she focuses on her son. “Junghyun will be happy you came.”

She leaves without saying another word, and you’re left staring at her retreating form, wondering if it’s just you or if she’s the rudest person you’ve ever met.

“I apologize for this,” Jungkook says, and his arm drops from your shoulder.

You immediately miss it.

“I think I’m starting to get why you wanted me to come with you,” you say, and you finally meet his gaze.

He’s slightly pouting, lips barely jutting out, yet there’s something endearing about the expression on his features. “I honestly didn’t think she would be flat-out rude like that.” He downs what’s left of the champagne in his flute and then puts it down on the tray of a server as she walks past. “I promise we can go home as soon as Junghyun shows up and sees that I came.”

“We can stay longer too,” you reassure him. “I can handle the aristocracy.”

The frown on his features melts, and he lets out a small laugh. “The aristocracy?”

You nod. “Yeah. Because obviously we aren’t from the same class.”

“Fuck, peach,” he grumbles, shaking his head, yet there’s an amused sparkle in his gaze that makes you feel warm all of a sudden.

It’s like you forget all about his mother, and about his avoidant father. It soon becomes clear that he is avoiding Jungkook, not you, and you feel bad for the man beside you. 

He deserves a family that treats him better than the one he has, or so you believe. And it’s not like you know them at all - the dynamic is just off, and it’s unlike what you’ve personally known growing up.

If you forget about the fact that you don’t have a father and that your mother worked so much while you were growing up that you barely saw her.

Junghyun and his fiancée show up an hour later, fashionably late. You and Jungkook have been drinking more, and you feel buzzed from the alcohol, warmth swimming through your body. It’s only amplified every time you meet Jungkook’s gaze, every time he tugs you a little closer, and you think you’ll be drunk by the end of the evening, just because of him.

He’s inebriating after all.

Junghyun notices his brother across the space, and unlike his parents, his face breaks into a large grin, one that resembles that of Jungkook, and he immediately makes his way towards you. He’s much more relaxed than his parents, with an easy going vibe to him, and the way Jungkook relaxes makes you think that Junghyun, contrary to his parents, is not an asshole.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” Junghyun says as he stops in front of you, immediately pulling Jungkook into a tight embrace.

Jungkook beams under the attention of his older brother. “I thought it’d be a good surprise.”

“It sure is,” Junghyun agrees as he pulls away. His eyes slide to you, and you offer him a tentative smile that he easily reciprocates. “And you are?”

“My girlfriend,” Jungkook says before you have time to say your name. “From college.”

Junghyun nods, meeting your gaze again. “Nice to meet you.”

You echo the sentiment as his fiancée - Nara - stops next to Junghyun, politely greeting Jungkook. 

You end up speaking with the pair for a little while. They both are a lot more welcoming than Jungkook’s parents, and Jungkook seems to be vibrating with happiness by the time they have to move away, needing to greet the other guests in the room. Meanwhile the sun has set outside, and you take a moment to admire the view as Jungkook goes to grab a refill for you both.

“I must admit he has a lot of nerves to bring you here,” a voice says next to you, and you turn to notice his mother, her arms folded on her chest.

Though your heart skips a painful, anxious beat in your chest, you only face the world outside again. “And why is that?”

She scoffs. “He’s technically engaged to someone.”

The world stops turning, and you glance at his mother. She sports a small, wicked smile, like she knows Jungkook didn’t tell you.

“What do you mean?” you can’t help but ask, your hands turning clammy.

She shrugs. “His father and I have discussed it with another family. We’ve deemed it better if they marry.”

“Does he even know her?” you spit.

She chuckles condescendingly. “Look at you. You really think you fit in our world? Your mother clearly hasn’t raised you for it.”

You fully face Jungkook’s mother, nails digging in your palms as you clench your fists. “I’ll have you know that my mother raised me well, and raised me to know privilege where it is. Just because you happened to be born rich doesn’t make you any better.”

Her gaze widens, and you see Jungkook walking back towards you, two glasses of champagne in hands. He notices his mother, a muscle feathering under the skin of his jaw, and you don’t care to stay next to her before you start heading his way.

You meet in the middle of the room, and you wonder if your vision has grown blurry. You only understand your eyes have filled with tears when Jungkook curses under his breath, glaring at his mother over your head.

“What did she tell you?” he asks, voice gentle.

You shrug. “Nothing,” you lie, blinking the tears away.

But she didn’t tell you nothing, did she? 

“I’m really sorry,” he apologizes. “She’s…”

“It’s whatever,” you insist, interrupting him. “I just want to spend time with you.”

You just want to spend time with him because you’ve learned he’s technically engaged, if his mother wasn’t lying.

Does he even know it?

You successfully blink your tears away as Jungkook hands you a champagne glass, which you down in one long gulp.

“I’m flattered, peach,” he teases.

The champagne bubbles down your throat, and you swallow with a scrunch of your nose. When you’ve finished the glass, you hand it back to Jungkook, who takes it with one eyebrow cocked. He looks like he wants to say something, but then his brother starts to speak with a mic. The room ushers to silence, forcing everyone to listen to the speech. Jungkook’s frowning, eyes still on you, but after a few seconds he turns to look at his brother.

You wish you’d be able to listen to the speech, to focus on it, but all you can do is keep on blinking back the tears from snapping at Jungkook’s mother.

Here’s to making bad first impressions. 

And it’s not like it truly matters - you’re not even Jungkook’s real girlfriend. You’re just a friend, someone he brought along as a shield from his family. 

Or so you’re starting to realize. You can’t even blame him. If your mother was remotely similar to his, you’d always make sure to go home with someone to support you. 

The least you can do is be that for Jungkook.

When Junghyun finishes his speech, his fiancée moves closer to him, and they share a sweet embrace that looks a little too practiced for it to be genuine. Or it might just be you - if it had been you in their position, you’re pretty sure you would have wanted to kiss your fiancé stupid. But then again, you reckon it might be improper in this social class.

Jungkook’s mother might have a point - you really weren’t raised to know how to act around rich people.

Except Jungkook, that is, but that’s because you didn’t know he was rich before yesterday, and you doubt he cares anyway.

“Are you hungry?” Jungkook asks as servers start walking around with different appetizers, all of them looking far fancier than anything you’ve eaten in your life.

“Huh,” you let out as one of the servers stops next to you. “What’s this?” 

“Crab cakes,” the server answers, flashing you a quick, polite smile.

You glance at Jungkook. “I’m allergic to seafood.”

He snorts, and then wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Let’s go find something that doesn’t have seafood in it.”

You end up finding small vegetarian burgers, and though they are barely bite-size, you enjoy a couple of them despite their dryness. It’s not enough to satiate your hunger, and especially not enough for Jungkook, so when he suggests going out to a restaurant nearby, you jump on the occasion to say yes.

“Then wait for me here,” Jungkook indicates, and to your surprise he kisses your forehead before slipping away, heading towards where you can see his brother and father conversing. While he speaks to them, probably explaining that you’re going to go eat somewhere else, you admire the view again.  Cars zoom down in the streets below, each and every one of them carrying a different person with their own little life.

You feel small so high over the city. It’s sobering, and you feel like your mind is clearing from the buzz of the alcohol, from the remnants of the guilt you had for snapping at Jungkook’s mother. 

You glance over your shoulder, eyeing Jungkook as he stands as if frozen, his brother speaking in his ear. Junghyun slides his gaze to you, and you offer him a tentative smile that the man ignores. You’d even think that his eyes harden, but it’s hard to tell in the distance. Especially as he pulls away from Jungkook, claps his shoulder once and then walks away, his father in tow.

Jungkook doesn’t move for a few seconds, and you wonder what it is that Junghyun said. Because the moment Jungkook turns and you see the look on his face, you know it must have been something harsh.

Jungkook looks like he wants to cry. It’s so vulnerable, so different from his usual cocky persona that you immediately make your way towards him.

“Are you okay?” you ask.

Jungkook just blinks looking at you, his eyes shining from unshed tears. You grab his hand, squeezing once, forgetting all about his mother being an asshole to you. No, all there is right now is Jungkook, and you want to make sure he finishes this evening with a smile on his face.

He deserves it after all.

“Hey, so where’s that restaurant you mentioned?” you query, switching tactics. 

Jungkook keeps looking at you for a few seconds, but he soon blinks a couple of times more, taking a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

He pulls you behind him in the crowd, and you don’t know what look he has on his face, but people literally jump out of the way. He’s walking quickly, and you struggle to follow him, but you know he needs to leave.

You’ve seen the sorrow in his gaze, and you don’t blame him for wanting to get away. Indeed, you just want to flee in the night too, and you’re thankful the moment the elevator doors slide to a close after you’ve retrieved your coats, and you’re finally left in a quiet silence of just you and him.

Jungkook looks at you, gaze heavy, and a second later he’s on you, hands cupping your cheeks as he backs you into the wall. You startle, yet you’re quick to melt in his touch, to kiss him back with the same intensity he offers you.

His tongue swipes at your bottom lip, and you let him in, moaning softly as he drives his knee between your legs.

You didn’t expect him to kiss you. Especially not when nothing happened last night, some sort of awkwardness lingering in the air from being in his childhood room. But he kisses you languidly, all tongue and lips, his piercings pressing indents in your lower lip, and warmth pools at your core as the elevator goes down and down.

Anyone could walk in and catch you kissing, yet it doesn’t deter Jungkook, and neither does it deter you. Indeed, it only spurs you more, and your hands drop to his waist so that you can pull him closer.

The moment ends when the door slides open to reveal the ground floor, and Jungkook steps away from you, eyes dark with lust and shadows you don’t want to interpret. He smooths his shirt, offers you a tight-lipped smile that makes your heart clench in your chest, and then he’s walking out.

You’re quick to follow him, cheeks burning as someone at the reception eyes the two of you. You ignore them, hoping they can’t see how your lips are swollen from the kiss, and you all but have to jog to catch up with Jungkook by the time he reaches the doors.

He holds it open for you, yet you can’t meet his gaze as you step outside. Not when the engagement party was such a shitshow, not after he kissed you like that only to leave without saying anything.

The bustle of the New York City life engulfs you as you step out on the street, Jungkook in tow. To your surprise, his large hands close around yours, and you glance up to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry about…” he trails off, motioning over his shoulder.

You purse your lips. “About kissing me?”

The shadows partially lift in his gaze, warmth replacing them. “I’m not sorry about that at all,” he teases. “But I meant, about my family.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassure him, squeezing his hand. “I’m happy I could be there with you.”

He remains silent for a few seconds of you holding each other’s gaze on the sidewalk, and then he cracks a smile, though it doesn’t entirely reach his eyes. “What would I do without you, mmh?”

You laugh, and it sounds truer than it feels. “What would you do indeed?” you tease.

He chuckles, pulling you closer so that he can hug you. You wonder who needs it the most - him, or you? Because the second his arms wrap around you, you snake yours around his waist, hiding your face in his chest. He smells good - like Dior Sauvage, you think - and for a moment you just want to stay right here, in his arms.

Until his stomach grumbles, a low rumble against your cheek that makes you burst out laughing.

“Someone’s hungry,” you tease, looking up at him.

He meets your gaze, nodding once. “Peach, I’m fucking starving.”

That makes you laugh even more, lifting the heaviness of the atmosphere somehow, and it’s with a smile tickling your lips that you make your way to the restaurant - a kebab place on the first floor of another skyscraper. You eat your fill, laughing around with Jungkook, doing your best to keep the shadows out of his gaze.

But they never fully lift, and you’re not close enough to him to ask what his brother told him that upset him so much. 

Mostly, you’re not close enough to ask him if he’s truly supposed to marry someone, or if his mother just said that to scare you off. It’s like walking a tightrope, and you’re one wrong move from falling to your death.

Yesterday, you would have said that Jungkook would catch you but today, the haunted look that creeps up on his gaze once in a while makes you think that perhaps he wouldn’t catch you at all. And though it saddens you, you don’t say anything.

You’ll have a better occasion later. 

At least that’s what you tell yourself as Jungkook loosely holds your hand after the restaurant, while you walk around aimlessly. He’s telling you stories about growing up, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he occasionally falls eerily silent, you’d think that he’s happy right now. He looks the part, beaming at you whenever your gazes connect, and it’s too easy to reciprocate.

You think it’s a good thing - you’re comfortable with Jungkook, even if the whole engagement party was weird. It only gets better when you near a club, and Jungkook stops with a mischievous look in his eyes that finally looks a lot more like the Jungkook that you know from college.

“Do you want to go clubbing?” he says.

You snort. “It’s not even nine pm.”

“And?” he presses.

“You want to go clubbing this early?”

He shrugs, grabbing your hand again to pull you towards the doorman. “We can sit and chat before the party starts.”

As a matter of fact, the party is already started inside the club. Indeed, it’s like you step in an alternate universe the moment you walk in, the crowd thick as they sway to the beat. You only understand that it’s a concert of some famous DJ when you’re stopped at the coat check because you don’t have any tickets.

To your luck, the girl informs you that there are a few tickets left, and you insist on paying since Jungkook bought you the overpriced dress you’re wearing.

The one you’ll likely ruin while partying.

The thought sobers you a little, up until Jungkook, buzzing with excitement, pulls you towards the bar after you’ve left your coats at the coat check.

“This is going to be fun,” he says over the loud music. 

You nod, though your mind is lingering somewhere back at the engagement party. “Are you okay?” you can’t help but ask.

Jungkook falls serious, clenching his jaw once. “It’s about my family, isn’t it?”

“Yes and no,” you say, worrying at some dry skin on your bottom lip. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. Tonight has been… weird.”

It’s unfortunately your turn to order, as the barman stops in front of you, and Jungkook quickly orders two gin and tonic for you both before resuming his attention on you.

“I know,” he agrees. “Family events are always weird around here.” He winces, shrugging his shoulders. “And if you want to speak about it, we can tomorrow. But right now I really just want to have a nice evening with you.”

He looks hopeful, lips jutting out in the trace of a pout, and his doe eyes hold so much softness you find yourself folding immediately.

He’s right - you want to have a nice evening with him too, and forget the shitshow that the engagement party was.

“Well then,” you say, offering him a corner smile that hints at mischief. “I hope you’re ready to party.”

He brightens, like the stars shining when there’s no light pollution. “Damn right, peach.”

The barman puts your drinks on the bar, and Jungkook hands you your glass. You grab the lime on the rim of the glass, squeezing it in the drink properly before dropping it amongst the ice cubes. Jungkook watches you, mirroring you after a few seconds.

“To partying,” you say, raising your glass.

Jungkook echoes, clinking his glass with yours and you both drink, the alcohol fresh and cold on your tongue. 

You linger by the bar long enough to finish your first drinks, talking about everything and nothing. By the time you’re taking your last sip, Jungkook is reminiscing about a party last semester, where Taehyung had tried hitting on a girl only to get rejected.

“He complained about it for weeks,” you remember. “Even though he was sleeping with…” You frown, unable to remember the girl’s name. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

Jungkook laughs. “Tae fucks around too much to remember everyone, I know.”

“As if you’re any better,” you tease, pushing him playfully.

He pouts, eyebrows bunching together as his doe eyes narrow. “I’m better now.”

“Are you?”

He moves closer to you, and your heart trips on itself in your chest as he rests his large hand on your waist, pulling you closer. “I definitely am.”

You don’t know who makes the move first. You just know that a second later, you’re cupping Jungkook’s cheeks, and his lips are on yours again. This time, he tastes of gin and lime, and a swipe of his tongue on your lower lip makes you sigh, your hands sliding to the back of his head to get lost in his soft hair. His hand rests flat on your back, as if to keep you from stepping away.

Like you would.

You don’t ever want to step away from Jungkook. Tonight, you think it doesn’t matter that he’s Taehyung’s best friend. It doesn’t matter that he is supposedly engaged to someone else. Right now, it feels like he’s yours - you’re foolish enough to believe that he is.

“Let’s dance,” Jungkook murmurs against your lips when he pulls away, his forehead resting against yours.

“Let’s grab something else to drink first.”

You grab Jungkook’s hand, pulling him closer to the bar again. He follows, his thumb soothingly rubbing circles on the back of your hand, and he doesn’t let go when you lean against the bar, attracting the barman’s attention.

“Are you up for some Jager bombs?” you suggest.

He smirks, looking downright devilish with the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “I’d never say no to Jager Bombs.”

That’s how you find yourself downing two shots each, and you’re getting pretty tipsy by the time the show starts, and Jungkook pulls you onto the dancefloor. You dance and dance, the atmosphere electric, Jungkook’s laugh so contagious you think you might have caught a happy disease. Because you can’t stop smiling, you can’t stop laughing. 

It’s like the engagement party never happened and frankly, it’s what you needed. 

Jungkook pulls you closer in the middle of the crowd, kissing you languidly. You’re quick to kiss him back, to push your tongue in his mouth the moment his lips part to allow entry. He grunts in the kiss, in the intensity that takes on the two of you even though you’re in public.

You want him so bad. You’ve always wanted him badly, but right now it’s making your blood sing in your veins.

But the evening is young still, and so you return to dancing, your back pressed against Jungkook. You sway your hips to the beat of the music, and he guides your motions, head hanging low. He occasionally presses soft kisses on the side of your face, and your eyes flutter shut in contentment.

If you’d die right now, you think you’d die happy.

“Peach,” Jungkook whispers.

Your eyes flutter open as you glance at him. The intensity in his gaze makes you feel smaller than a speck of dust. “What?”

“Should we go home?” he asks.

You glance towards the scene, where the DJ is clearly in the middle of his set. “The show’s not over yet.”

“I know.” He nips at your jaw, and you tilt your head to the side to allow him access to your neck. He’s quick to press an open-mouthed kiss there.

You turn in his hold, finding his lips again. This kiss is hotter, like fire blazing bright, and you, too, want to head home. You want to get lost in him, in this moment of him being yours out in public like this.

“Fuck, JK,” you whisper when you pull away, breathing raggedly.

“What?”

“Kissing you like this, where anyone can see…” you trail off, glancing at the crowd.

Nobody is paying you any attention, yet you feel like you’re the center of the universe right now. Or maybe that’s Jungkook - he’s the center of your universe.

“It’s turning me on,” you finish in a breathy sentence meant just for him.

“Peach,” he says, voice low and husky. It ignites even more warmth inside of you, and you think you’re about to melt in his touch. “Then I’ll bring you here more often. I’ll show everyone that you’re mine, mmh?”

That you’re mine. You like the sound of those words in his mouth far too much, even though part of you wants to reply that you’re your own self, and don’t belong to anyone.

Perhaps you want to belong to him, and that in and of itself is a far too dangerous thought. But New York shines tonight, and you feel infinite.

You are infinite, as long as he’s by your side.

You stay for the rest of the DJ’s set, despite you both wanting to go home. Jungkook is touchy, yet respectfully so as you dance, never really touching you where you want him, but his hands lingering near every fiery spot in your body. The Uber ride home is spent in tense silence, as is the walk up to the elevators of his building.

He holds your hand through it all, refusing to let go, and you like it.

You like everything about this moment, right now. Like you’ve stepped into an alternate universe where you really are his, and you pray you’ll never have to leave.

The elevator doors slide open, and Jungkook pulls you in. You’re disappointed when you notice a middle-aged woman already riding the elevator from the underground parking lot, and Jungkook politely nods to her as he presses the button for the highest floor.

Fortunately, the woman gets off on the eighth floor, and you’re left alone with Jungkook. He’s quick to spring into action, pushing you back against the wall so that he can steal a languid kiss of tongues and lips, of getting lost in him until you fully lose touch with reality.

“Fuck,” you breathe as Jungkook leaves a trail of hot kisses from your jaw to your neck. 

He sucks a hickey below your ear, and you can’t help but moan lightly as you drag your hands through his hair, leaving it dishevelled.

The doors of the elevator slide open, and Jungkook startles, taking a step back from you. One glance down reveals the proof of his attraction for you, and you really are aflame, burning from the inside out.

“I need to take a shower,” you say. 

A cold, cold shower, before you combust irreparably.

“Okay,” Jungkook lets out, and he grabs your hand again to pull you to the door. 

You don’t know how he does it, but he refrains from kissing you when you’re in. You’d expected him to jump on you - you practically wanted him to - but Jungkook, ever so the gentleman, only leads you inside and to his room. 

You take in the city skyline, the beauty of being so high you feel like you’re flying. The city sparkles, lights shining on and on, and you glance at Jungkook.

His eyes shine with undiluted lust and another emotion you can’t quite put your finger on. You just know it’s ten thousand times better than the shadows that had lingered in his gaze after the engagement party, and you want to cling to it.

“Do you want to take a shower with me?” you suggest as he helps you out of your coat.

“Want me to wash your hair?” he teases, flicking your nose.

He’s your Jungkook again, and an excited thrill goes through you. 

“Yes,” you say, smirking. “Maybe if you’re nice I’ll wash your back.”

He narrows his gaze, though his lips curve upwards. “I’m always nice.” He puts your coat away in the walk-in wardrobe, emerging without his own coat, too.

“Are you?”

You let out a yelp as he bends to pick you up bridal style. “Always,” he says, pecking your cheek once as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you grumble as he carries you to the bathroom, putting you down on the counter. 

“I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not even a little bit sorry,” he teases, and he steals a quick kiss on your lips before stepping away from you to turn on the shower.

You watch him as he does so - he’s beautiful, with his dishevelled hair and big doe eyes he casts on you as he glances over his shoulder. He’s still smiling, his features so soft you can’t help but smile back, your heart fluttering in your chest.

“How hot do you want the shower to be?” he asks.

You smirk. “What kind of hot are you talking about?”

He rolls his eyes, though his light laugh fills the air. “Water temperature, dummy.”

“Doesn’t matter,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “Just put it how you like it.”

He nods, and he does so, adjusting the settings until the multiple shower heads are on, and steam soon starts to waft out of the shower.

Jungkook walks back to you, toying with his piercings. You scan his features, lingering on his eyebrow piercing, and then spread your thighs so that he can step between your legs. He does so, wrapping his arms around your middle, and you rest your head on his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

He picks you up, putting you down on the floor. “Gotta get you out of your dress, mmh?”

Your heart once again hitches in your chest, and goosebumps rise on your arms as Jungkook lightly brushes his fingers up your skin.

“Turn around, peach,” he tells you.

You obey, and you watch yourself in the mirror as Jungkook unzips your dress. There’s something so intimate about the moment that your pulse skyrockets, butterflies making a mess of your stomach.

Jungkook finishes unzipping the dress, and he pushes it off your shoulders, pressing a kiss on the naked skin he’s revealed on the back of your shoulder. You feel apprehensive, like he hasn’t seen you naked before, and you gulp as he lets go of the dress, and it falls to the floor to pool around your ankles.

“You know,” Jungkook breathes as you shiver, the air colder than you expect. Your nipples perk on your chest, and Jungkook is quick to wrap his arms around you so that he can tease the sensitive buds with his fingers. “Every time I see you, you get more beautiful.”

“Jk…” you breathe out, cheeks burning under the intensity of his gaze.

“It’s true,” he insists. He turns you around, his eyes lost in yours. “There’s something about you…” he trails off.

He never finishes the sentence as you stand on your tiptoe, pulling him down by the collar of his shirt. Your mouths collide, and you sigh against the plump softness of him, kissing him softly, tenderly. He kisses you back just as softly, his hands holding you by the waist.

“Peach…” he sighs.

Your eyes flutter open to find him already looking at you, and you do feel like the most beautiful woman in the world when he looks at you like that.

“I think you’re supposed to undress too,” you whisper.

He chuckles softly, taking a step back from you. “Wanna help?”

You gulp again, your throat feeling dry, yet you raise trembling hands in the space between you so that you can reach for the buttons of his shirt. You focus on the task at hand, on every inch of honey skin revealed by the buttons coming undone. Jungkook’s intense gaze doesn’t leave your face as you undress him, and soon you’re pushing his shirt off him, resting your hands flat on his chest.

His heart is racing under your palms, the only indication that this is affecting him just as badly as it’s affecting you.

You meet his gaze as he takes charge of taking off his pants, and soon they’re on the floor with your dress and his shirt, and you both stand in your underwear, gazes embracing.

“I’m so going to take my time with you tonight,” he breathes, cupping your cheek. His thumb gently swipes at your skin, and you instinctively lean your head into his palm.

“Yeah?” you let out.

He tilts your head back with a finger under your chin, and then he’s kissing you again, as if to prove it to you with actions rather than words. “Definitely,” he says the second he pulls away. And then his hands go down your body, slowly, finding the hem of your panties. “Can I take this off?”

You nod, and he drops to his knees. Your eyes widen, yet he only busies himself with taking your underwear off, helping you step out of it once it’s around your ankles. He gets up again after, and he pushes his boxers down.

You’ve been avoiding looking at the obvious bulge in his underwear, but his dick stands proud and tall the second you glance down, already leaking precum. 

He’s been wanting you badly, and it shows.

“Shit, Jungkook,” you breathe.

“I know,” he lets out. “I’m fucking hard for you.” He chuckles, and grabs your face to force you to meet his gaze again. “From the mess I saw in your panties, I know you’re already soaked for me too.” He pecks your lips, and then your forehead. “But shower first, right?”

You kiss again, and this time he sucks your lower lip into his mouth, teasing it with his teeth.

“Shower first,” you repeat the second you pull away.

He smirks, winking at you, and then he walks over to the shower, leaving you there with your heart beating out of your chest. You take a deep breath, trying to tame the wild beats, and soon enough you follow Jungkook, right when he steps in the shower. He holds the glass door open for you, closing it behind you once you’re in, hot water splashing you.

You face Jungkook, and he looks at you with his head tilted to the side, a smirk playing on the corners of his lips.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing,” he answers. “Pass me the soap?”

You nod, gulping, and you look away from him to find the soap. You grab it, handing it to Jungkook, and he gently takes it out of your hands.

“Turn around,” he tells you for the second time tonight. “I’ll wash your back.”

“Shouldn’t you start with my hair?” you ask.

He chuckles. “So bossy. Wet your hair then.”

You obey, and soon enough Jungkook is rubbing shampoo on your scalp, and your eyes flutter shut as you relax into the touch. He rinses your hair when he’s done, and then takes care of the conditioner.

“You like being pampered, don’t you?” he teases.

“Only if you’re the one pampering me,” you fire back. 

He laughs, and he presses a soft kiss on your forehead again. “Then I guess I need to pamper you more.”

You’re falling. You know exactly what’s happening, and you wonder if he feels it too.

“Let me take care of you,” you say once Jungkook is done with washing your hair.

He smiles down at you, nodding once. “Okay.”

And so you wash him, cleaning his back first. You teasingly rub his ass, and Jungkook throws you a glare over his shoulder that makes you burst out laughing. Once you’re done he turns around, and you gently rub his chest, a smile still curving your lips upwards as you fall in comfortable silence.

He isn’t so hard anymore. Yet, when your hands get lower on his abdomen, his dick twitches, and he’s quick to get hard again. You cock an eyebrow, looking up at him.

“I barely touch you and this is how you react?” you tease.

He grabs your jaw, his grip firm. “And now you’ll clean my dick too, won’t you?”

You blush, nodding once as he lets go of your jaw to cup your cheek instead. You wrap a hand around the base of his dick, and then you stroke him once. His lips part, and he pulls on his piercings before looking down at himself. 

“Let me…” he trails off, and you nod, stepping away from him to let him clean himself. You quickly wash yourself as he does so, cheeks burning so much you wouldn’t be surprised if you were purple.

Once you’re both cleaned, you face Jungkook again, and he offers you a soft smile. Unable to resist, you look down at his dick, reaching for him again.

“Now that you’re clean…” you let out, and you smirk. “Maybe I can actually take care of you?”

You don’t know where the courage comes from, but you’re not going to waste it. Indeed, you immediately drop to your knees, and Jungkook redirects the shower heads away from your face.

“Yeah?” he lets out. “You want to suck me?”

You nod, biting your bottom lip, and then you jerk him off once, eyes moving to his dick. It’s pretty, though not as hard as he was earlier, and you tentatively swirl your tongue around his tip, before sucking on it lightly.

Jungkook curses under his breath, leaning a hand against the wall as if looking for support. “Don’t be shy,” he says.

You smirk again, and this time you drag your tongue on the side of his dick, from base to top, before wrapping your lips around him again. You hollow your cheeks as you take most of him in your mouth, and Jungkook moans softly when he hits the back of your throat.

“Shit…” he lets out.

You suck harder as you pull almost all the way off, and then you truly get to work, eyes fluttering shut as you suck him, jerking him off in time with the motions of your head. Jungkook holds your head, letting you set the rhythm you feel comfortable with, and soon you’re moaning on his dick, the vibrations making him curse.

You take him all the way in, looking up at him despite the tears blinding your gaze. He’s got his head thrown back, lips parted as he breathes heavily, chest moving rapidly. You wonder if you’d be able to make him come like this, and you suck harder, holding in the gag reflex that’s threatening to interrupt your ministrations on him.

“Peach,” he moans, and then he pulls out of your mouth.

A string of spit connects his tip to your lips, and you’re quick to lick at it, to taste the precum that’s dripping from his slit.

“That feels good?” you ask.

He nods. “Way too much,” he replies, chuckling breathlessly. “I’m going to fall in love with your mouth if you keep sucking me like that.”

You don’t need more to spur you into action, and you go back to sucking him, pouring everything you have in the action. His dick gets harder and harder in your mouth, and you know he has to be close. So you tentatively tease his balls with your free hand, and he moans as you squeeze lightly.

“Peach,” he lets out, and it sounds whiny. “Stop. I want to fuck you now.”

You pull out, offering him an innocent pout as you keep jerking him off quickly. “You don’t think you’d be able to go for round two?”

He chuckles, slightly shaking his head. “Not when I drank. And I really just want to make you feel good too.”

Only for that reason do you let him pull you up to your feet, and you reluctantly let go of his dick as he pushes you against the tile wall, mouth immediately finding yours in a ravaging kiss. You moan as he pushes his tongue in your mouth, and you go back to jerking him off, unable to keep your hands off him.

He hisses as he pulls away from the kiss, and then he glances towards his discarded pants on the floor beyond the glass door of the shower. “I have condoms in there,” he reveals, and then he meets your gaze again. “But you deserve better than to be fucked in a shower, mmh?”

You gulp, nodding once as he steals another quick kiss on your lips, and then he turns off the shower. You stand in the steam for a few seconds, holding each other’s gaze, and then Jungkook pulls you out of the shower, wrapping a towel around you. 

You’re quick to dry yourself, lust and desire clouding your mind, and you don’t hesitate when Jungkook grabs your hand, pulling you towards his bedroom. The walk-in is cold as you step out of the bathroom, but you busy yourself with watching the strong muscles of his back, and the tattoos on his arm. It’s distracting enough, and soon Jungkook turns to face you again, kissing you deeply before pulling away.

“Do you want me to close the curtains?” he asks as he steps away from you, enough so that your eyes fall to his erection.

“You think people can see us?” you let out, casting a quick glance towards the tall windows, and the city beyond.

“Maybe, if they’re looking up here,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s never bothered me, but I’ve never been with anyone in this bed, so…”

Your gaze widens. “You’ve never fucked here?”

You think it’s blush creeping on his cheeks as he scratches the back of his neck. “I’ve never brought a girl here at all.”

You let out a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry what?”

He winks at you, eyes going down your frame. They stop on your perked nipples, and he toys with his piercings.

“You’re the first girl who’s ever come here,” he says. “The first one I’ll fuck in this bed. And maybe I do want the city to see me fucking you. I want them to see how beautiful you are when you come.”

You’re speechless as he strolls towards you, and his mouth collides with yours, his lips moving like he’s a starved man against yours. He pushes you towards the bed, and you fall on it the second the back of your legs hit it. He looks at you, wetting his lips, and then winks.

“I’ll be right back.”

He disappears back into the walk-in, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to watch him as he retrieves a condom from his wallet. He inspects the tinfoil package on the way back, making sure that the condom is safe to use, and then he rips it open, pulling the condom out.

He puts it on, rolling it down his dick as you watch with your heart beating wildly again as it knows what’s to come.

No one has ever fucked you as good as Jungkook, and you can tell he won’t disappoint tonight either. No, the intensity in his gaze can’t be mistaken, and the second he kneels between your legs you spread your thighs wide open, offering yourself on a silver platter.

“Already?” he teases, and he strokes himself slowly. “I thought you’d need a little bit of foreplay before.”

“Trust me,” you let out. “I’m already wet enough for you to rearrange my guts.”

He smirks, and he moves closer, close enough to rub his dick on your folds. “You are.” He says it like he’s surprised, but the second he starts rubbing his dick on your clit you’re gone, unable to form logical thoughts. “So you want me to fuck you? To rearrange your guts?”

“Jungkook,” is all you can reply.

He teases your folds again, pushes in just enough for his tip to part them. “Tell me what you want, peach.”

“I want you,” you say, and you don’t care how whiny you sound.

You feel like you’ll die if he doesn’t fuck you into oblivion.

“Where?” he asks, and he pulls away to rub his dick on your clit again.

You clench your jaw, reaching for his dick, but Jungkook is quick to grab your hand with his free one, pinning your wrist over your head.

“Be nice, mmh?” he says in your ear, and then he straightens.

“I want you inside of me, Jungkook.”

“Yeah?” He pushes in, though he stops when just his tip is in. “Like this?”

“Fuck, stop teasing,” you grumble.

Jungkook laughs, and a second later he slams home, his dick splitting you open as he pushes almost all of himself inside of you. You moan, your eyes fluttering shut, and he barely gives you time to adjust before he grabs your waist, and he starts pounding you, setting an unforgiving pace.

His thrusts are quick and hard, and you see stars almost immediately, your walls clenching around him. It doesn’t slow him down, only makes him readjust himself until he hits a better angle, and you moan loudly as he drags against the sweetest spot inside of you.

“Jungkook,” you moan.

He bends down, slowing just long enough to lean on his elbow, and then he holds your shoulders as he jackhammers into you again, so hard his bed bangs into the wall repeatedly.

There’s no one to hear you fucking here. And he knows it - it’s like he’s keen on rearranging your guts, and you’re a whining, moaning mess as he fucks you hard. You hold onto his back, nails digging in his skin and Jungkook grunts in your ears as his pace never falters.

You know he’s got good stamina, but tonight feels different, like he’ll fuck you until the sun rises.

“Shit, peach,” Jungkook lets out, and he pulls out of you so suddenly you’re left gasping for air.

“Wh-” you start, but he flips you over, repositioning himself so that he can push inside of you again. 

He doesn’t move right away, instead massaging your ass cheeks as your walls clench around his dick, begging for more. He slaps your ass, not hard enough to hurt but enough to sting, and you clutch the bed sheets, pushing your hips back into him.

“You want some control, mmh?” he asks, and he pulls back just enough to allow you more movement.

It doesn’t take you long before you take advantage of it, fucking yourself back on him, rolling your hips when he hits your cervix. 

“You’re so big,” you let out on a whine. “So deep.”

“And you take me so well, peach.” He slaps your ass again, massaging the sting away. “Like your pussy was made for me.”

“It was,” you reply right away.

Jungkook thrusts once, and you rock forward on the bed from the intensity of his motion. Luckily for you, he was holding your waist, and so his dick doesn’t leave you empty.

“Good girl,” he says, so low it sounds like a growl, and then he’s back to pounding inside of you, and you’re a mess, trying to hold yourself together as you clutch the sheets.

Jungkook leans on one hand, snapping his hips into you again and again, and he wraps his free hand under you, blindly searching for your clit. The second he touches the sensitive bundle of nerves you moan loudly again, and he doesn’t need more to start rubbing figures on you, quick circles that send you into orbit so fast you barely realize your orgasm has hit you until you come down from the high, legs shaking as your vision keeps going in and out of focus.

Jungkook stops moving for a few seconds, bending down to press a feathersoft kiss on the side of your face. “You came hard,” he states.

“Holy fuck,” is all you can reply.

“One day, I want to feel you come on my dick without a condom on,” he says, and then he’s fucking you again, though this time he’s clearly chasing his own high.

Yet it feels good, far too good, and you come again - did you actually stop coming in the first place - as he rams his hips into yours. Jungkook milks it out of you, whispering filthy praises to you all along, and once he’s sure you’ve calmed down, he pulls out, flipping you on your back again.

He steals a kiss on your lips as he pushes in again, and this time he fucks you slower, deeper, lips never leaving yours. You lose trembling hands in his hair, run them along his back, and you wrap your legs around his waist for him to fuck you deeper. He doesn’t disappoint, and you take all of him in you as he pushes in, and then pulls almost all the way out.

“I’ll fall in love with your pussy,” Jungkook whispers against you. 

He rests his forehead against yours, and your heart fills with far too many emotions - none you can voice. 

“JK…”

“Peach,” he answers in the same tone, and then he kisses you again. The second he breaks from the kiss he straightens, going back to kneeling between your legs. “Now be nice and let me come, mmh?”

“Come for me.”

“On it.”

You don’t know when he comes. All you know is that you’re swimming in far too much bliss when he starts fucking you hard again, and you lose touch with your body. It’s like you’re floating somewhere close to the ceiling, or maybe amongst the stars up above. You’re floating, and Jungkook grunts and curses as he fucks you, his motions growing sloppier, and soon he stills deep inside of you, hands holding your waist as he releases loads and loads of cum in the condom.

You wish he’d come inside of you so you’d feel it drip out of you when he pulls out. It’s a dirty thought to have, yet you can’t help it - not when you’re literally swimming in ecstasy, feeling like you’re buzzing.

Jungkook lies down next to you, resting a hand on your stomach as you try to regain your breath. It takes you a while - long enough for him to kiss the side of your face and promise he’ll be back as he disappears in the bathroom - but you do come down from the high, the bedroom and the city beyond the windows finally coming back into focus.

It’s raining. You didn’t realize it before, but raindrops are racing each other on the window, and you get lost admiring the view as Jungkook cleans himself in the bathroom.

He comes back with a wet washcloth for you to clean yourself, and you thank him as he offers it to you. You know you have to go pee before you sleep though, so you brave the walk to the bathroom, legs feeling like jelly under you. You manage to make it to the bathroom and back, and Jungkook welcomes you back into bed with a tired smile on his lips.

“Come here,” he says, and he opens his arms for you to nestle in his embrace.

You do so, pushing one leg between his as you wrap one arm around his waist.

“Feeling okay?” Jungkook asks.

“I think I’ll need weeks to recover,” you tease, and Jungkook’s answering laugh makes you feel like you’re the luckiest girl in the universe.

“Does that mean I can’t fuck you for a few weeks?” he asks, and you hear the pout in his voice.

It makes you smile against him.

“Mmmh,” you let out. “Nah, I want you to fuck me like this again tomorrow.”

He laughs again, and his arms tighten around you. “Then we better get a good night of sleep. We need to drive back home tomorrow.”

Back home. Together. Because, even if he’s Taehyung’s best friend, which you’ve conveniently forgotten all weekend, he’s also your roommate.

You share a home, and you think there’s beauty in that thought.

You yawn, nuzzling your face in his chest. “I don’t know about you but I’ll sleep like a rock.”

“And snore?”

“I don’t snore,” you answer, frowning slightly.

Jungkook chuckles and then kisses the top of your head. “You snore a little. Not as much as me though.”

“Tell me about it,” you complain, even though his soft snores had acted like white noise yesterday, helping you fall asleep despite the unfamiliar environment.

He yawns, pulling even closer. “Peach?”

You hum in answer.

“Thank you for this weekend,” he whispers. “I don’t know how I would have done it without you.”

“Jungkook…” you trail off, wanting to argue.

“I’m serious,” he insists. “You’re…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, and you pull away just enough so that you can look up at his face. “I’m what?”

“You’re you,” he answers, as if that explains anything.

And when you see the softness clinging to his gaze, you think maybe it does.

Prev | Chapter 8.5 | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

my two precious babies gosh we need to protect them at all costs fr :') did you guys like this chapter? Let me know what you think!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[suashii]

— 𝒷𝑒𝒹 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹 ౨ৎ

kuroo tetsuro x reader. 0.6k wc. ﾉ sfw ﾉ fluff ﾉ papa!kuroo ﾉ repost!

a/n: with father's day approaching, i'll be reposting some short dad-related hq drabbles — kuroo's up first! :3

one of the defining characteristics of a good weekend, at least to kuroo, is sleeping in. it isn’t often he gets to do it, having to rise with the sun to go into the office during the week. so he cherishes the two days he can squeeze in an extra hour of slumber. but a peculiar weight on his chest is making it a little difficult this morning.

with a sneaking suspicion as to what is obstructing his breathing, kuroo peaks open one eye to see if his assumption is correct. he’s met with the sight of his daughter sitting on his chest, hands tangled in his hair.

she’s been getting up earlier than usual lately. you and kuroo hardly ever have to rouse the little girl out of her sleep anymore. instead of seeing a snoozing toddler when you or kuroo open the door to her bedroom, your daughter is more likely to be found stacking blocks into a tower or playing with her dolls. so it isn't entirely a surprise to see that she’s out of her bed.

“well, good morning, princess,” kuroo says, loud enough for the girl to hear but quiet enough to keep from stirring your still body.

“g’morning, daddy,” she greets him, not turning away from her task. her tongue is stuck out in concentration as she rolls a section of his dark, messy hair between her tiny hands. carefully pulling away, she smiles as the piece of hair stands up and away from the rest. kuroo should have known showing her the little trick once for giggles would come back to bite him. it looks like he’ll be putting a little more effort into combing out the tangles today if that’s what she has been up to since she snuck into the bed.

“silly hair!” the girl exclaims, clapping her hands.

“will mom ever get to try this style?” kuroo asks, glancing over to your peacefully sleeping figure. lucky, he thinks to himself. though, he’s glad that your daughter’s excitement isn’t too much of a disturbance to you. after all, there’s no reason for both of you to be so early on the weekend.

“uh-uh,” she shakes her head, reaching for more of the raven strands.

“wait, wait.” kuroo gently lowers her hands in an attempt to keep the girl from turning his head into a bird’s nest—if she hasn’t already. “i think there’s something a little more fun that we can do.”

she stares at him with wide eyes full of curiosity and maybe a little doubt. what could be more fun than playing cosmetologist? 

“how about you,” he boops the tip of her nose with his index finger, “help me make breakfast for mom?”

“hmm,” she considers with a thoughtful hum. it seems like kuroo’s suggestion of becoming a chef for the morning isn’t much of a rival to her current imaginary profession. by the looks of it, he has to sweeten the offer. fortunately, he has the perfect bargaining chip.

“we can make chocolate chip pancakes.” he tickles her belly with a smile.

her eyes light up in delight at the proposal of cooking her favorite meal. “okay!” she nods her head enthusiastically.

“alright,” he picks the girl up, seating her on the foot of the bed. he takes a deep breath before tossing the comforter to the side and making his way out of bed. kneeling down in front of the little one, he taps his shoulders. “hop on.”

she climbs on his back with no hesitation. “chocolate chip pancakes!” she whisper-shouts, wrapping her arms around kuroo’s neck.

kuroo laughs, setting off to the kitchen. “coming right up, princess.”

thanks for reading! reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

[steddieas-shegoes]

see where the night goes

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'only one bed' rated m wc: 867 cw: some borderline somnophilia-esque behavior? tags: forced proximity, unintentional cuddling, idiots to lovers, love confessions, implied sexual content

🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️🛏️

The full sized bed was covered in the ugliest plaid sheets Steve had ever seen, which was saying something since his own bed had been covered in ugly plaid sheets.

It looked like it would fall apart if Steve sat on it, let alone lay down on it.

"Bad news first or good news first?" Eddie asked as he walked into the room.

"There's more bad news? The broken down van and the storm knocking out the power everywhere but this inn isn't bad enough?" Steve responded, putting his hands on his hips as he watched Eddie sit on the bed.

Huh. Looked like it would manage to hold at least some weight, then.

"There's no other bed."

Steve shook his head.

"That's a joke."

"Nope," Eddie popped his lips together. "I did check the bathroom though and there's a decent shower with actual hot water, so. A win's a win?"

Steve groaned.

"Dude, this bed is not big enough for both of us," Steve gestured to the bed Eddie was sitting on. "It doesn't even look big enough for you."

"Sure it is. I slept in a twin until I was nearly 18. This will be like a California King!"

Steve knew he was trying to make light of the situation.

The van breaking down four hours from home on a night when the worst storm Indiana has seen in years decided to come through was only the beginning.

Eddie had lost his wallet somewhere between the van and his walk to a payphone, which meant he had to walk all the way back to the van without having called anyone. He was soaked and cold despite the air around them being relatively warm. By the time he got back to the van, someone had stopped to check on Steve, who had been panicking about Eddie getting lost. When they finally got towed to a repair shop, the mechanic told them he wouldn't be able to look at it until the morning and that from the sounds of it, they'd need to replace a handful of parts that were more money than either of them had with them.

A weekend trip to visit Robin at college had turned into an expensive nightmare.

And now, they would be sharing a very tiny bed.

Eddie and Steve had been closer lately, especially since Robin's classwork had made it impossible for her to visit much. But sharing a full sized bed?

"Well, guess I'll go shower. Maybe it'll help me feel less like everything is falling apart," Steve sighed.

"Okay, Eeyore."

Steve rolled his eyes, but ignored him.

They got ready for bed like they were dreading it, and maybe they were.

They both got into the bed, laying on their sides facing away from each other, but close enough to feel the heat radiating from the other.

The rain pelted the roof, and lightning flashed in the distance, but it seemed like the storm was almost past.

"Steve?"

"Hm?"

"Sorry about tonight."

"Nothing you could do, Eds."

He felt Eddie shift, but they still weren't touching.

"I guess. Still sorry though."

"Yeah, me too."

Sleep fell over them, the exhaustion of the day hitting them hard as soon as their bodies were horizontal.

-- -- -- -- -- --

Steve was sweating, which wasn't completely unusual, but definitely rare when he hadn't woken up screaming from a nightmare.

He had something, no, someone, in his arms.

Eddie.

He was curled around Eddie entirely, his arms around him, his hard dick pressing into his ass.

Eddie was still asleep, breathing softly, chest rising and falling slowly.

Steve needed to wake him up, or at least get up so he could put some space between them until his dick calmed down.

But just as he went to pull his arm away, Eddie turned around in his arms and smiled in his sleep.

And then his eyes fluttered open.

His smile faded.

"Sorry, let me-" As Eddie started to pull away, Steve tightened his arms.

"A minute."

Steve sometimes said he needed a minute like this when the kids were all yelling about things he didn't quite understand or when Robin had been rambling on for too long.

Sometimes, when he and Eddie were just hanging out, he would say it like he just had too much going on in his brain.

Like now.

Steve was looking at Eddie, really looking.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I might love you."

Eddie blinked back at him, mouth agape.

"You think you might?" His voice was quiet, hesitant.

"Yeah."

"And this is...because of us sleeping in bed together or...?"

"No. It's because when we have a shitty day that could turn into another shitty day tomorrow, I'm still just happy to be with you for it. I didn't...I guess it didn't really hit until now," Steve admitted.

Eddie gulped.

"And you think that's...love?"

"I think that's part of it. I also think I'd like to kiss you."

Eddie let out a small breath, shaky as Steve pulled him flush against his front.

"You would?"

"If that's okay."

"Is that all?" Eddie smirked, obviously implying that he could feel Steve's dick against his thigh.

"We'll see where else the night goes."

[mayajadewrites]

Levi Ackerman x Reader - Almost

Chapter 3: Taste

Modern AU Levi Ackerman x Reader fanfic I've been dying to write! Levi is my latest hyper fixation so this was bound to happen. There will be other AOT characters in the mix, but remember this is a modern AU!

Chapter Summary: Levi stops in the coffee shop again to ask reader out on another date. We get a bit of Levi's POV and some backstory!

WARNING: SOME SMUT AHEAD

ao3 link

The next day you wake up with butterflies in your stomach and an intense feeling of anxiety in your body.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Your alarm read 6 AM. You have to be at work by 7, and you'll probably walk in to the 9-5 crowd.

To be honest, you barely slept. You kept replaying last night over and over in your head until you eventually nodded off to sleep. Seeing Levi's name on your phone screen made your heart soar, so you knew you needed to push your feelings down. Levi is not the type of man to show PDA, or even tell you he likes you.

From what you can tell, he definitely at least tolerates you.

As you got out of the shower, you saw your phone screen light up.

Levi: Good morning. I hope you slept well.

Levi Ackerman texts like an old man. But its cute.

You: Good morning, I slept like a baby. How did you sleep?

You lied. Obviously. You didn't sleep because you were too busy thinking about the very man you were texting.

Levi: I didn't.

You: ??? You didn't sleep?

Levi: No. I rarely do. I'll see you soon, brat.

It's not very surprising that Levi doesn't sleep much if at all, but that still worried you. Sleep is very important when it comes to basic life functioning, and you know Levi's life is filled with stress.

You put on your uniform and put your hair in a half up, half down style. One day when you own your own coffee shop, there won't be any uniforms.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

"I can help who's next." You look up from the register, only to see your favorite pair of eyes.

"Medium black tea please." Levi peered through his jet black locks. His undercut looks freshly done, he must've done it after our date last night.

Date? Hang out?

"Will you ever try a new drink?" You smile at him, tapping the numbers in on the iPad.

"No. I like what I like and it hasn't done me wrong yet." Levi handed you his card in between his pointer and middle finger. "Are you busy this weekend?"

"I'm not actually. I have the weekend off." You slide his card and hand it back to him. "Any exciting plans for you?"

"Maybe." Levi shrugged, putting his card in his sleek wallet. "If you say yes."

This caught you off guard. Levi wanted to hang out again? So soon?

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕ LEVI ☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

I'm not good with communicating my emotions. That is unbearably obvious. I have never been the type to step out of my comfort zone and confess my true feelings to anyone.

This all started with my mother. Of course.

After witnessing her die, I did not want to speak ever again. She was everything to me. Not only was I a child, but I was an only child. A child is not supposed to lose their mom so early on in life.

I honestly rarely have feelings for anyone. I have... 2 friends. Erwin and Hange. So 1 and a half.

I currently see a therapist because I'm 30 years old and I'm getting the feeling that I want to be settled down soon. You know, kids and all that. I'm already a CEO, I have the house of my dreams, but I'm missing someone to share it with.

I've tried dating. No woman ever sticks. Either they just want sex, my money, or attention. They never want me.

When I met her, I felt a tingle in my chest. Seeing her face every morning and getting my tea for me gives me the same feeling every day.

So, my therapist told me to step up and ask her out.

It took me 6 months - but I did it.

Our date, if we want to call it that, since I'm not sure what she thought of it, went perfectly. Her personality meshes with mine in a way that it's written in novels. I can be rather dry with my sense of humor, but she gets it. She gets me.

I didn't kiss her last night, or even hug her, but God do I want to. I'm not sure if I get a taste of her if I'll ever be able to let go.

An image of her was playing over and over in my head as I was showering last night, her black dress clinging to her curves. Her thighs peeking out of her stockings drove me crazy. But I kept my composure.

Obviously, I had to relieve myself. In the shower. Thinking of her.

I haven't even touched her yet and she has me like this.

My therapist said that it's okay for me to feel this intensely, that it's 'normal'. Who even decides what's normal anyways?

I haven't told Hange or Erwin about her yet, and I don't plan too until if and when we decide to actually be together. I don't need their opinions or Hange's excitement rumbling in my ear.

"If you say yes." I sip my tea, looking at her. Her eyes were doe-like, which made the pit of my stomach feel hot.

"Let me know what you wanna do, I'm yours this weekend." She smiled, helping the next customer in line.

Does she know that my dick is hard right now because of what she just said? How little she just said?

I lifted my cup and left the cafe, heading towards my car to go to the office.

Bzzzzzz.

"Ackerman, can you come in earlier? A few people want to meet with you about a project they want you to fund." Hange almost screamed into the phone.

"4 eyes, I can hear you perfectly fine if you talk at a normal tone. Yeah, I'm on my way."

"Well I can't control the volume!"

"You actually can. Goodbye." I hung up, starting the car. I glanced at the window of the coffee shop, watching her smile at customers and hand them their drinks. Her smile warmed my cold heart, slowly defrosting the ice that encases it.

Does she know she's all I can think about?

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕ BRATTY BARISTA ☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

You cannot believe you just told Levi Ackerman you were his this weekend. Did he think you were a slut? Did he think you were gonna put out?

That thought left your brain when you remembered who you were talking about. Levi Ackerman is a gentleman before anything, which he's shown you.

You heard your coworker Nina call your name, who also happens to be one of your good friends.

"Did that fine ass man ask you out this weekend?!" She leaned against the counter, smiling. "I knew he wanted to get with you!"

"Yes, we went out last night too actually." A blush blessed your cheeks as you washed your hands.

"How was the short king? How were his lips?!"

"We didn't kiss." You looked at her, hoping she wouldn't drag the conversation further.

"What?! So was it even a date? I usually go way farther than a kiss on a first date-"

"Did you date Levi Ackerman?" You tilted your head, emphasizing Levi's name. "I'm not rushing anything. I enjoy his company."

"I'm just saying, he looks rather kissable."

"Obviously, Nina." Your eyes rolled so far they could've gotten stuck in the back of your head. "Trust me, I want to kiss him. I would love to jump his bones. I want to every time he walks in here."

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

After your shift, you were relieved you were off for the weekend. You worked the regular 8 hours today and needed to decompress from all of the customer service.

Bzzzzz.

Levi: I was thinking we could grab a coffee tomorrow morning and head to the flea market. Not a coffee from your job though. Thoughts?

Was this man in your head?

You: That sounds amazing, actually. What time is my chariot arriving?

Levi: 8 AM. Not like you're not used to seeing me early in the morning anyways.

You: Ay-ay captain.

You've never dealt with a man that made plans for you. The fact that Levi suggested quite literally your favorite morning activities for a date made you swoon.

You spent the rest of your afternoon/night cleaning your apartment and finishing the lastest novel you picked up. Nina sent you outfit inspo for tomorrow but you were not in the mood to show off your tits at 8AM.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

Wakeup call was 6 AM so you could make sure you were ready for your Range Rover chariot to wisk you away. Your shower helped wake you up, even though your anxiety has kept you up most of the night.

You opted for a pair of straight leg barely ripped jeans, an oversized crewneck, and platform white converse. You accessorized with various layered necklaces and small gold hoop earrings.

Makeup with your usual small winged liner with glowy skin and glossy lips. By the time you were done with everything, it was 7:45. You sprayed your favorite marshmallow vanilla perfume before grabbing your purse and checking your phone.

Nina: Good luck today! Kiss those perfect lips!!

You: I'm about to send you a video of me rolling my eyes.

Bzzzzz.

Levi: I'm early again. Your chariot awaits.

You smiled at your phone, grabbing your coat. You saw Levi's car through your window, his eyes glued onto your door. Once you walked out, Levi got out of the car and opened the passenger door.

Levi was wearing a casual outfit himself, black jeans with a grey (cashmere?) sweater, and loafers. God, he smelled good too.

"Good morning." Levi closed your door, getting back in his seat. "You look cozy."

"Thank you, so do you." You smile at him, memorizing every inch of his face. You wanted to lean in and kiss him right then and there, but you did not want to make the first move.

You weren't going to.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

Once you parked, you walked to a coffee shop that's in the midst of the flea market. Part of you wondered why one of the richest men in the city would shop at a flea market.

Levi pressed his hand to the small of your back, ushering you out of the coffee shop. His touch sent sparks up your body.

You and Levi strolled through the different vendors, sipping your drinks and talking. You caught Levi looking at your hand a little too much, especially when you threw out your cup.

More people started to show up to the flea market, causing the crowd to get larger. Levi looked more tense, darting his eyes at every exit.

"I didn't know it would get so crowded." You try to break his thoughts, looking up at him.

Levi took your hand in his, slowly intertwining his fingers with yours. "I don't wanna lose you." Levi said so casually. You know he meant he didn't want to lose you in the crowd, but you also felt that he meant that in another way.

"Do you want to get out of here and head to my apartment? It's getting too crowded to walk." You suggest, pressing your hand against his.

"Yes please."

You've learned that Levi Ackerman does not like crowds, partially because it forces him to do PDA.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

You are thankful you cleaned your apartment yesterday. Everything was in it's place, and it smelled good. Not that it didn't usually, but you live alone so if you don't clean it, no one else will.

Levi took his shoes off at the door with you, taking in his surroundings.

"You have nice taste." Levi helped you take off your coat, hanging it in your closet.

"Thank you. I try." You smile, turning to face Levi. "Thank you for this morning." You inch closer to him, watching his eyes search your face.

"Thank you for every morning." Levi leaned in, bringing his hand to your cheek gently.

For what felt like years, you and Levi looked in each other's eyes. You had a full conversation with just your eyes.

Levi eliminated the space between you and pressed his lips to yours. His lips are pillow soft and taste like mint. You slowly wrap your arms around his neck, dragging your fingers along his undercut.

His lips moved in rhythm with yours, sliding his hands down your curves to your ass. You smile against his lips, pressing your chest to his.

"If you want to stop, I-" Levi pulled away, looking in your eyes.

"Levi, please." You almost whimper, bringing his lips back to yours. You lead your bodies to the couch, straddling Levi's waist. You open your mouth as he's kissing you, letting his tongue in. His fingertips softly dragged down your back, making sure to squeeze your ass every now and then.

His tongue slipped in your mouth, exploring every inch of it. You sucked on it gently as you felt your core start to pulsate, begging for attention.

Levi moaned quietly against your lips - you could barely hear it but it happened. Your hips started moving in rhythm, his erection pressing against his jeans.

Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzz.

You pulled away from Levi, staring down at his pocket.

"I'm gonna kill whoever is calling me." Levi pulled his phone out of his pocket, rolling his eyes at the screen. "I'm sorry, it's Erwin. The President of Ackerman Inc. I have to take this, he doesn't usually call."

You nod and roll off of him, your core needy as fuck and your lips missing his.

[centipedelightning]

lightning strikes

Underfell!Papyrus x gn!Reader || written platonic; can be read as romantic

cw/tw: underfell typical violence, the vaguest mention of death, negative self-thought || angst and fluff

Uhhh, reverse comfort for Edge who is scared of thunderstorms. This took so long to publish lord. For the record, I am back at school so any writing I do will be kept to the weekends. Trying to get a job at the college archives so that would theoretically take up a decent amount of my time during the week. N E ways,,,, written platonic bc there's not enough of that out there, but just know that Edge is my babygirl.

Words: 1270

It's pouring outside. The kind of pouring that would soak you to the bone in a minute flat. And with heavy rain, comes the loud crash of thunder.

You walk into your living room and see a very tall skeleton on the couch. Edge called you and told asked you to hang out. So here you are... hanging out...

You were getting something out of your room before the ‘hang out’ officially started. As you walked back into the living room you saw him definitely not relaxing. You’d make some kind of stiff-as-a-corpse joke if the sheer tenseness of his posture wasn’t so concerning. Edge is barely even sitting on the couch, poised stiffly at the edge of the cushion clearly trying not to bolt.

“Hey Edge, what’s uh…. What’s up man?”

“NOTHING. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING UP WITH ME. IN FACT I AM DOWN. THERE IS MUCH DOWN WITH ME”

“…”

“…”

“You committing to that?”

“YES…. YES I AM.”

“Alright,” best not to question it, “then do you want to watch a movie or something? I think that new MTT romance j-“

As you were talking there was a bright flash and a loud boom of thunder. You saw Edge flinch, hard. That’s deeply concerning. Hell, judging by the claw marks on the armrest, that's very concerning.

Wait, no your poor couch.

“Ok listen. Edge, my love, what’s wrong? And don’t give me shit.”

“I SAID IT IS NOTHING HUMAN,” clap of thunder, flinch, “AND. AND I- AND I DO NOT NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.”

“Mhm... Right, then can I sit next to you?” He can be a garbage liar sometimes.

“YES OF COURSE. THIS IS A HANGOUT AND SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER IS STEP TWELVE IN MY HANGING OUT MANUAL™.”

You're gonna dig the issue out of him. He knows it too. You walk over and plop down next to him. Once you're close enough you realize that his bones are chattering. Has he realized? You aren't sure.

"So what do you want to watch?" Thunder, lighting, flinch.

"ANYTHING IS FINE! THE TERRIBLE EDGE HAS NO PREFERENCE!" Stars, he's compensating right now.

"Edge. I am begging you to talk to me. You're chattering."

"I AM NOT 'CHATTERING'... OKAY, MAYBE I AM. THIS PROVES NOTHING AND IS OF NO IMPORTANCE"

He makes things so hard sometimes. Time to get creative.

"Edge."

"WHAT IS IT NOW HUMAN, DON'T YOU WANT TO WATCH MTT AND HANG OUT?"

"I'm scared of thunder." Wait that delivery was awful he's not gonna believe it.

"WELL OF COUR-," the claps of thunder are getting more frequent, "COURSE YOU ARE! HUMANS ARE- ARE PUNY! AND FEARFUL! AND WEAK!"

He also makes things so easy sometimes.

"Would you do me a favor and help me out then? Can you tell me what you would want if, hypothetically, you were afraid of storms?"

"IF I? WELL IF I WAS, HYPOTHETICALLY, AFRAID OF THESE GHASTLY STORMS, WHICH I AM NOT, I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO BE HELD. BUT CLEARLY, I DON'T NEED THAT, BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID OF STORMS." There were at least three flinches and a stutter or two during that whole shpiel. The storm outside sounds like it getting pretty bad. Time to work fast.

"Wow," wait you're trying to sell having a phobia, put more oomph into it, "that does sound helpful! Can we try it then? Here I'll lay back, just hand me that pillow." With a blend of pained, relieved, and a bit humiliated look, Edge dislodges his claws from your couch (I hope you know how to reupholster) and grabs the pillows. He tosses them over to you with a bit too much power.

"Ow. thanks man." You lay back and get yourself comfortable. Once you are in the primary position to cuddle with Edge and watch the t.v., you gesture for him to lie down with you.

"IF YOU THINK THIS WILL HELP-," thunder, "HELP- HELP YOU." He couldn't be stiffer but does manage to get horizontal. Once he gets situated, you flip down the blanket from the back of the couch onto the two of you. You can feel him still rattling a bit.

"Hey."

"HEY?"

"Can I touch you?"

"YOU ARE TOUCHING ME HUMAN." You feel the slightest smile on your chest.

"Fair enough," what a pain, "can I gently rub your skull? To self-soothe of course."

"TO SELF-SOOTHE YOURSELF, YES MAKES SENSE. I WILL ALLOW YOU TO RUB MY SKULL FOR YOUR OWN COMFORT AND NOT MINE."

Once he gave the okay, you started to lightly stroke the back of his skull with your fingertips. You want to keep it barely there until he stops chattering as badly as he is. Slowly he stills. You both lay in the dim room listening to the storm pass by. As the quiet moments continue, you feel Edge flinching less and less when the thunder booms"

"Hey."

"HEY."

"Do you want to talk about it yet"

"HYPOTHETICALLY, I MIGHT, POTENTIALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS THEORETICAL 'IT'."

"I say this with love but you are such a pain sometimes."

"NYEH-HEH PERHAPS. BUT... YES, I AM WILLING TO TELL YOU WHY I AM SO WORKED UP AND CHATTERING LIKE A BABYBONES." You hum and let him continue.

"THE UNDERGROUND WAS NOT A NICE PLACE, THIS IS COMMON KNOWLEDGE. WHAT IS LESS DISCUSSED IS THE ENVIRONMENT. WE MONSTERS LIVED UNDERGROUND, IN A LARGE CAVE UNDERNEATH AN EVEN LARGER MOUNTAIN. WE HAD VERY UNIQUE WEATHER BECAUSE OF IT. ONE OF THESE UNIQUE OCCURRENCES WAS CAVE-INS AND SKY FALLS. STARS THE SOUND." Edge coiled a bit as he said it.

"THE SOUND OF CEILING OR WALLS CRACKING WAS SO LOUD. THE SOUNDS OF THESE STORMS ARE SO LOUD. HEARING THE CRACKS MEANT HALF THE UNDERGROUND HAD TO FLEE INTO THE SAFEST PLACES THEY COULD FIND. MY BROTHER AND I WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A FINISHED AND REINFORCED BASEMENT, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE COULDN'T HAVE LOST OUR HOUSE TO A FALLING ROCK." He readjusted himself and wrapped his arms around you, head on your chest to listen to your heartbeat.

"IT- IT WAS TERRIBLE. IT ONLY GOT WORSE AS MORE PEOPLE YOU KNEW, MORE PEOPLE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT-" He's clinging to you so desperately, like a child to their toy.

"Hey Edge, you don't need to keep talking. It's okay."

"THERE WAS NEVER ANY GOOD TO COME FROM THIS LOUDNESS."

"That must have been awful. But can I ask you something?" He nods.

"Did you try? When you were able I mean, did you ever try to help just one person?" He takes a second and nods again.

"Then you did your job. Environmental tragedies can't be helped Edge. They can't be stopped and a lot of the time they barely can be predicted. If you helped even one person the whole time you were underground, you did your job."

"YES BUT THE PEOPLE I DIDN'T HELP-"

"Couldn't be helped. You are not a bad person. I haven't known you for that long, but I do know that you are a good person that wants to do good deeds. I believe, with my heart and soul, that for anyone you might not have helped, you had a reason. It might have been cowardly or for your own self-interest, but I believe you had a genuine reason for not stepping in sometimes." He's quiet. And still. Crap, did you overstep? You probably said something wrong and upset him more-

"THANK YOU." It was a statement barely spoken above a whisper.

[shai-manahan]

Hi! It's been a while since I've talked about the upcoming updates, but I finally had a chance to actually sit down and make plans! (the life of a corporate slave, am I right? 🙃)

It has something to do with the changes I will be implementing on my patreon, though. I've thought for a while how to give content that's worthwhile of subscriptions while also making sure I can be comfortable with them, and in all honesty, I had a tricky time doing it. HM is too personal for me, as I used to talk about before, and some of the patreon benefits I promised before eventually felt too revealing - of my own thoughts and people whose lives were a huge inspiration for this story.

I will be talking about these changes and the update schedules as well below the cut.

UPDATES

I aim to finish at least half of HM's Book 1 this year. It seems to be a more realistic goal than forcing myself to finish everything right away (which tbh may have been a huge pressure I put on myself the past few years), though admittedly, things are unpredictable in the field I'm in; my job is full of overtime hours, and I spend most of my weekends trying to recover (or sick).

Still, I gotta finish it one way or another, and it's not going to write itself (though I wish it would!), so yeah, set realistic deadlines, pull out a few all-nighters, and maybe I'll actually get through it, who knows?

I do hope I'll have steadier finances by the time Book 2 starts so I can put more focus on writing and have sufficient energy for it, but that's a conversation for another day.

Changes in Prologue - Chapter 2

Okay. I know I promised not to make revisions until I write more chapters, but changing how some game mechanics work and reworking the stats made it a necessity, and I underestimated how much rewriting I'd have to do. A few scenes ended up not working well anymore, and I couldn't resist from revising a few clunky sections while I was at it.

Dialogue options were one of those that were significantly affected by the stat changes, but no worries, nothing is changed in the story -- meaning Wesley still fucks with the Ripper's life (oops), Richard still goes off doing whatever non-sus thing he's doing, you can still punch Bale (it's even a lot funnier this time), Bertrand remains a bitchy cop, and you'll still have your sad flashback with your former best friend/lover/crush or whatever they are to your MC.

The plan is to release the updated version of Prologue and Chapter 1 to patrons by the end of March (I will have a few days off work that week) and release it to the public once the new content is also ready, which I presume will be available next month (I will keep you all posted but I really hope I can get it done by then because it's been forever 🥲).

I might tweak Chapter 2 a little so the available portion can stand on its own rather than be divided into two parts, because it's just too long lmfao and is harming the pacing as I keep worrying about the length. I'm also incorporating a few suggestions a few folks gave me these past few months.

Succeeding chapters

I've probably said this before but things are bound to get more insane in HM once we're past the first three to four chapters. But also quicker to write in a way. They're the kind of scenes I thrive in, and while they have bigger variations, they're a lot more fast-paced, characters start being manipulative little shits, and the threats are more prevalent than ever. Your Ripper will not have a good time, but I certainly will (I say as I look at my outline and get sad doing it). There will be a few "breaks" in between, but this is not and will never be a light-hearted story. Anyway, I'm inclined to believe I'll be more consistent with updates when that time comes, so bear with me for now :')

PATREON CHANGES

This is getting long, so I'll just list the updated tier benefits and end the day with it. I'll be posting a schedule that I will be committing to (here and on patreon tomorrow morning), with the below details as well (so if you wanna stop here that's totally valid) but for now, here's the tentative list:

Tier 1

Early access - 4 days before a public update (this month will be an exception and you'll get the update as soon as the other tiers get it, too).

Sneak peeks and deleted scenes - I included the latter because apparently I delete a lot of great scenes

Hints for future revelations in the story - the categories will depend on results of polls; the hints may be about Bale's death, about Ripper's family, Pharos, Cyro, the ROs themselves, or the nightmares that the MC is getting, etc. Might be in form of vague conversations/dialogues between unknown characters, might be me dropping subtle info about those involved. Either way, it will be fun :). The polls and these hints will be given monthly.

Tier 2

Early access - 1 week before a public update

all the other benefits for Tier 1

monthly RO snippets - I'm still experimenting with this, but I might simply write MC x RO snippets (with different kinds of MCs for different scenarios because I deeply hate writing blank slate MCs, sorry)

a choice to see the POV of a character, decided through polls, for every chapter/update.

Tier 3

Early access - as early as it's available and goes through testing stages

all other benefits for previous tiers

Non-RO short stories

Previews on unintroduced characters :)

That's all for tonight! I am so tired lmfao but I hope you all are having a great weekend so far! See you tomorrow :)

[fitgothgirl]

[Just sorting some thoughts about barbacking/bartending as a second job]

Ever since I refreshed my resume and printed out some copies to go give out at bars, I haven't done anything with them; they're still just sitting in my drawer. I often think about how I should make a plan to go out and apply but I haven't been able to follow through (and btw, going out in-person and giving someone my physical resume, and even being ready to possibly do a working interview, is the way to go for this type of job - at least with the types of bars I'd want to work at; not looking for chains like Dave & Busters and whatnot).

But yeah I'm honestly nervous for a few reasons... For one, just the putting yourself out there part. 😅 Two, getting a second job as an actual employee, as opposed to Doordash, is a much more of a commitment. I can't just decide to not work one day. I'm sure that at times I'm going to have to work when I feel shitty. I'm going to struggle to get dates off that I want, and I'll likely be most in-demand on the days I have off from my regular job (the weekend, holidays). Etc. Plus the whole "second" job thing in the first place... But my situation is what it is. And not only is it a commitment, but three, I'd be going back to a service job for the first time since I graduated college, i.e. 7 years ago. I did do admin/front desk stuff at the physical therapy place, but that's pretty different. But in my teens and early 20s, I did 10 years of jobs in food service and retail, so I definitely remember a lot of what the deal is. I know there are things I enjoyed and even miss about it, but I definitely remember the stressors and tribulations too. But at the same time, four, I feel like working at a bar is getting into a slightly different/adjacent industry; it's on another level than just "food service" and there's definitely going to be a learning curve, especially if I'm wanting to eventually bartend. (🤑) Not to mention that regardless, it's been 7 years since I've done a service job in the first place, and I'm sure things work differently overall now. Also part of the adjustment would be that five - even if I just work 1 or 2 days a week, the hours will be late. I don't mind being up late, but I know I'll have to take it into consideration with my day job and everything. Even if I work Friday/Saturday night, it'll still affect my sleep.

I'm not trying to talk myself out of it, I swear lol. In fact it's kind of a testament to me legitimately being drawn to this industry, but not even because I like to drink (regardless, I can't imagine doing a fast-paced/flow job like this with even a buzz); like I said there are things about the service industry I miss, like how good it feels at the end of of a shift from a physical job. I really feel like I worked. And it can be fun a lot of the time too; it's overall more casual and light-hearted. Etc. I've just always been interesting this type of job. I love watching Bar Rescue lol, which definitely shows a range of situations.... I love the thought of learning cocktails and how to pour (and maybe some cool moves? lmao) - just general mixology. I love the energy of the environment and the vibes, I really feel like I soak it up even though I'm definitely an introvert; high-energy environments like that can be like a stimulant for me (up to a point of course). I love the fact that it's an adults-only activity to let loose - exactly the things you're not supposed to talk about at "regular" jobs or even pretend you don't do lol. I love the thought of getting to just be myself and not worrying about being all proper/professional in most ways.

Aafs;ldjk;asjfkajsd. Just letting the thoughts flow right now, not trying to come to any sort of conclusion.

My car's registration is due the day after tomorrow and boy that is a great reminder for all of this lol......

[williamrikers]

please ignore if this is overstepping/ you don't feel like answering but after reading the tags on your ofts posts, i am curious what you think the kinks of the main casts are! especially since i cannot imagine anything for topmew but this might also give interesting inside into their dynamic that i might have missed. thanks in advance! - @ctl-yuejie

hi, thanks for your ask! this isn't overstepping at all, i love getting asks like this 🥰

so, i never actually thought about this for all of the ofts characters much because i've been way obsessed with mew and top's weirdass dynamic and i've just been enjoying the other couples as they've been shown on screen. HOWEVER! after getting this ask i spent a bit of time contemplating this question and now, i can absolutely tell you my headcanons for each of the couples! 😏

sandray

from what we've seen in episode 9, i'd say that in the beginning of their relationship, ray is absolutely 100% a pillow princess and his insistence that mew missed the best night of his life is complete bullshit, mostly because mew does Not want a pillow princess (i'll come back to that in a bit haha). anyway, ray just has to make big eyes and say na na naaa and sand will do whatever ray wants in bed. since sand is into taking care of people, this works out extremely well for both of them.

however, in episode 9 sand also had those lines about masochism and spanking, so i can kind of see them going in that direction once they're a bit more secure in their relationship. i think sand would probably go wild for acts of service (clear goals, clear accomplishments, feeling useful, lots of praise). i could also see them doing the occasional roleplay.

bostonnick

can't nobody tell me that nick isn't into voyeurism. that man was listening to the sex tape of doom on repeat. from the way he enjoyed toying with atom, i'd say he also loves a roleplay fantasy. maybe a bit of light breathplay too? other than that, i got nothing. funnily enough, apart from, again, voyeurism, boston reads pretty vanilla to me. but i imagine he'll try everything nick suggests at least once.

mewtop

the one you've been waiting for. YES, mew should put top on his knees like YESTERDAY and let them both have catharsis through bdsm already. these two are the ones who would benefit the most from incorporating kinky play into their lives.

SO. what are they into in my opinion? well, to me, mew reads very much dominant. their scene in 6 [4/4] haunts me day and night, mew pushing top down on the bed like that and holding his arms in place while top grins like he's just entered his wildest dreams... yeah, so they're definitely into bondage and top giving up control to mew. i can very much see them playing with more of a bratty vibe, like top playfully resisting and mew reining him in. i also very much see sensation play for them (somebody give mew a flogger already 😭), clothespins, hot wax, ice cubes, blindfolding, the works. these are two people who would buy a whole wardrobe full of toys and plan out when and how to use them in exact detail. also, these guys have money. they will hire a private instructor to teach them everything they need to know about aerial suspension and then have a room in their home outfitted to be able to do that on the weekends.

that said, i do see mew as someone who enjoys making his partner work for it. like i said above, i don't think mew would really know what to do with a pillow princess like ray, i think he would very much enjoy top pushing back and challenging him a little, physically resisting, talking back to him when he gives orders and so on, because that would make the eventual "victory" even sweeter for him.

conversely, what i could definitely also see for these two is some ddlb style play because top does have deep-seated childhood trauma and bdsm could very much help him heal from that. this would be completely separate from all of the aforementioned play i outlined and mostly emotional. (they have a google calendar set up to coordinate what type of play they do on which day. ngl i do see both of them as the playing by schedule types.)

those are my thoughts! hope this was fun 😊 what do you think?

[ddeongies]

Maybe she should’ve moved slower in the moment because of that, but one taste of Ryujin had made her heady with desire.

- new challenge: try not to say green flag yeji every chapter u put out --> AND I FAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME.

If she’d known she was just looking for a hookup (or two maybe, at least two would be nice) she might’ve made a move earlier.

- they're not even hooking up yet and she's already bargaining in her head lmao queen of bargaining !

Sure, it’s not really what Yeji wants, but she’s too aware of her own feelings at this point to pretend like she’s not willing to be with Ryujin in whatever capacity she wants.

- wow i want to smack both of their heads (lovingly ofc 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰)

2HWANG BFFS!!! so cute so cute ugh and god yeji all rounder in all universes like damn leave us some

yezyizhere: oh ok so you saw it once, didn’t think about it, and came back to watch it again?

yezyizhere: compliment accepted ;)

- one thing about yeji, even though she's kinda devastated that ryujin only wants casual, she will never pass up the chance to show off her yerizzma

iamfinethankyouandryu: you’re fucking hot

iamfinethankyouandryu: happy?

- SCREAAAAAAMIIIING !!!!!!! ryujin you're just like me 🫂🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Ryujin? Hoodie? Bed?

- i'm sure yeji is not the only who let out a sound around here 🙋‍♀️

ugh as u said, this chapter, short and sweet. i'm a big fan of the texting format bc of the short, flirty banters and the thrill of waiting for the replies. 🙂‍↕️ yeji this whole chapter: is this real...? such a mood. u definitely captured the awkward flirty texting stage after a life-altering event and before getting together and the phase of suddenly becoming active on social media just so ur crush could notice u. i miss those times...HAHAHA anyway, thanks for this one and choreo au update as well. i hope work and irl stuff gets manageable soon! have a great weekend ahead!

ps. omg the tropes i asked before and no worries if it took long! i love how we almost have the same favorites!! established relationships for one shots u are so right 🙂‍↕️ another one to add would be friends with benefits (a plus if it's not too angsty for no reason) and generally i'm a sucker for fluff!!

- 🌼

i have a meme i keep meaning to make about nmau yeji being a green flag but i'm lazy.... i'll do it one day tho i just need to edit an image LMAO (but yes she's the best i love her so much....)

girl knows what she wants (ryujin. she wants ryujin LOL)

they're idiots 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

yeah it's impossible to write yeji without her being good at everything (except for cooking) like i can't ignore the source material!!! (also yes 2hwang besties couldn't resist, nmau yeji has her bros)

she can't resist the rizz... it's in her blood it's in her dna (even all the way back in the cafe when she thought yunjin and ryu were dating she fucking winked at ryu she's impossible LOL)

ryu gets it yeji is fucking hot 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

girl literally short circuited like i think ryujin almost killed her???

i honestly had such a blast writing this chapter!!! it was kind of nice going for something a bit different and light after the rollercoaster of chapters 8 and 9 lol. it also ended up being really important for the relationship i think. i love the awkward flirting stage it's so fun to write. i both miss it and don't LOL it's so fun and exhilarating but also god i love being married LMAO. and thank you!! i'm gonna be on vacation this week and it's much needed 😮‍💨

okay yessss i love a good fwb when it's not like overly angsty exactly. like you can't have that without some pining and miscommunication and stuff, but i like when that leans more on the fluff than on the characters being sad (but that's just how i am in general i'm not really an angst person (ignore choreo that's out of character)) fluff is god

[pbandjesse]

Happy May Day!

I am glad I stayed home today. I still wasn't feeling amazing. But I was able to enjoy my day. Even if I was still nauseous.

I slept alright enough. The new curtain next to my head blocks the light a lot better and while I still woke up, I was able to more easily fall back asleep. I was awake enough to be aware of James saying goodbye. And went back to sleep for an hour.

When I woke up I was a little off. But mostly I was good. I cleaned my face and got dressed. And would just wander around the house for a long time. I spent some time just cleaning up. Putting things away. I tried to vacuum but our vacuum keeps thinking it's jammed. No idea what is up with that. I would change the kitty litter though and Clorox some stuff.

I would spend time with sweetP. Just hanging out. I had egg salad on toast. I would go out to the car to get the last of my car chips. It was beautiful outside but a little hot directly in the sun.

I started working on a little painting project. Sat on the front door step and started laying out the hearts I wanted to paint on the door. The sun was a bit to bright but I have the outlines done. I'll go back in with paint soon.

I came back inside and would hang some stuff in our room. James was going to hang the last panel of wallpaper tonight so that was exciting. The bedroom walls could finally basically be finished. And I am really happy about that. I still would like to get a small rug for the floor but everything else feels really finished and that feels really nice.

We are having our little house warming this weekend and so I want the space to at least have some areas done. And I think we have done a pretty excellent job overall. Like there are still projects for sure but it's coming together and that feels really good.

I spent a long time today working on cleaning out the one fish tank. I might be getting a frog for in there. Haven't 100% decided but I moved out all of the decor and washed the rocks. Took a while but it wasn't to bad. Was nice to try it all clean.

I would answer some work emails. And lay in bed. Lay on the couch. Lay around. I didn't feel amazing. And whenever I tried to do to much I felt sick. But I kept drinking water and trying my best to be okay.

I remembered that the new labor exhibit was opening at the museum tonight. I very much wanted to go to that and me and James decided I would just meet them there. Felt like a good plan.

I had a phone meeting today with Salvatore from the national guard and it went really well. He seems really sweet. Retired military, daughter in the girl scouts, loves working with the kids. They want to get me in the schedule for sometime in July and then again in the fall. Excellent. I love working with the national guard kids so I really hope we can continue this going forward.

After my phone meeting I would catch up on April's knitting. I still need to sew down thr edges but the last 11 days I was missing is done. And I can start May. That took a while though. I had put the little screen in the studio window so Sweetp could have somewhere to sit and watch the world and I would knit and listen to a video. It was nice. I was having fun.

I made a little microwave pizza as a late lunch. And got myself ready to go to the museum. But that would not be my only stop.

My first stop was Petco. I wanted to look at their frogs and things. This Petco never has a very good selection but it was still fun to look. And I enjoyed seeing different options. I may chose to get a tomato frog? I really would like a turtle but I don't have the infrastructure (or a large enough tank) right now. But maybe that is where I will end up. I'm not in any rush.

I went to the museum next. And was very excited to see Jessica because she just announced today that she's pregnant with baby number 2!! So excited for her. It was also just really nice to see everyone else.

After giving James many hugs I went to go get a drink and ran into Margaret. Who asked if we could talk on the phone tomorrow because there has been discussion about brining me on part time to help run events. This is an amazing opportunity for me. It would be flexible hours, a pay increase, and I would get to be doing something I really enjoy! And as my grant position at camp comes to an end this would just be really great. A next step, somewhere I already love.

I would also go and find Jesse to talk to him so I wasn't going into the conversation with Margaret blind. He gave me some ideas of what to negotiate for, when I could actually start (immediately), and how Meril would also be in on this. And honestly the three of us would be such an amazing dream team the museum wouldn't know what hit it. I really hope this works out.

I really also just enjoyed talking to people. About our trip. And seeing the new exhibit! Which I think was done so well. I already know a lot about union history, but seeing more contemporary and Baltimore specific stuff was awesome. And the layout and design choices were great. I really enjoyed it.

I would hang out at the desk with James. I got some food and would watch the desk while James got some too. And it was just good. People watching. Chatting with friends and guests. It was a good night.

I was excited to come home though. A little later then I had thought but that's okay.

When we got home I would go and change. I watched my frog tank for a while and actually saw my loach. No omelet sightings today but I did see him yesterday. I also moved the very hearty snail from the other tank to this tank and I hope he's as strong in here as he has been in the other.

James is in our room hanging the last piece of wallpaper. It wasnt going super well and I left the room because I thought I wasn't being helpful just sitting there writing this. But I am going to go check on them now before I take a shower and we get ready for bed. It has been a long day. But I am feeling a little better. Still not great but not as perilously bad.

Tomorrow I have a feild trip and it's the brave bee program. I really like that one. And then I have my phone meeting with Margaret. And me and Celia just made plans to go to the Dutch market after work. I am looking forward to the day. I hope the heat is t to bad and I'm not nauseous anymore.

Wish me luck and good vibes. I love you all. Goodnight!

[sardonic-sprite]

I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

[zukkaoru]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @starrynightarchive and @feralshadowdemon, ty for the tag!! putting most of this under a cut since it's long lol

tagging (with no pressure): @that-was-anticlimactic @backhurtyy @rejectscanon

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

167 linked to my main ao3 account. maybe some others floating around that have been made anonymous or orphaned or something. who knows

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

965,845 - okay wow i did not realize i was that close to 1mil. huh

3. what fandoms do you write for?

well right now the bsd brainrot has taken hold of me and i cannot think of much else. but i do have a handful of zine fics for other fandoms that are in progress / will be posted eventually. i have a very long list of fandoms i have written for in the past; however, i would not recommend reading anything posted before 2021

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

plum blossom

you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

my calamitous love & insurmountable grief

five times ryan came out (and one time he couldn't)

(just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of

my disclaimer here is that these are absolutely nowhere even close to being by best fics and i kind of resent them being my top five

5. do you respond to comments

i'm trying🫠 i let like 600+ pile up in my inbox over the course of a year and a half (or more) and so i recently went through and just marked everything as read instead of actually responding. BUT (almost) all comments on fics posted since ~august 2023 will get responses. exceptions are if i literally don't know what to say bc i'm bad at talking to people sorry

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

you don't even want to know the horrors that showed up in my google docs this weekend. but also either if one of us dies or may we stay lost on our way home

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i'll go with this ultraviolet morning light just bc it's probably the greatest payoff since it takes longest to get to the happy ending

8. do you get hate on fics?

not typically but there have been a few mean comments over the years. actually i got one bookmark on a fic that's in a series for a fanweek that says "ignore the others in this series but this one is good" and honest to god it just made me laugh. like.. you do realize i can see that, right?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i can barely write kiss scenes

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i don't usually BUT when i was in middle school my friend and i created The Megacrossover, which consisted of us putting a bunch of different book characters into a hunger games arena. and we just kept adding more fandoms, and having new characters be transported into the arena. it was a good time. this was also entirely handwritten as all fanfiction should be when you're 10-12 years old

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. definitely found one fic that was like. heavily influenced by mine back in my ouat days though

12. what's the longest you've spent working on a fic? and the shortest?

longest: over a year, at least shortest: a couple hours (not including editing)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

not technically since the megacrossover but corey and i co-come up with ideas like. at least once a week

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? from all fandoms?

outlaw queen has to be my answer to this forever and always. never forgive never forget 🏹🍎

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

too many to answer. probably the biggest one is the azula-centric sequel to tuvml that i simply do not have the attention to write bc the hyperfixations have travelled elsewhere :( there are many many others though. i have an endless amount of ideas and not enough time

16. what are your writing strengths?

people often tell me i'm good at characterization and tbh i do pride myself on knowing characters better than 97% of the rest of the fandom. not all of the characters. but most of them.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

short attention span </3

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

do whatever you want forever. but like.. respectfully

19. first fandom you wrote for?

probably percy jackson when i was like 10. no you cannot find that anywhere online because i, like an idiot, deleted it without saving a backup copy

20. favorite fic you've written?

definitely (i am) the whisper of a memory. i love a lot of my fics, but that is one i am especially proud of because i tried new things with the formatting and i think it worked really really well

[mylittlemenandme]

MOULD LANG SYNE

Time for a round-up!

Firstly, the return of the Sanguinala Showdown, my 1v1v1 game against Astra Militarum and Necrons. I only took one picture because it was a rough old game - a tied victory for the other two armies - and while I took an odd mix of units, the game was itself was a fair summation of the year as it progressed. More on that later!

HOBBY

I got a lot of things built and primed over the course of the year, nearly 2000 points of Primaris Space Wolves with more on the way. They've mostly stayed primed though - only the Suppressors got finished to a Battle Ready level, mainly for the Crusade league but also because they're a key unit for how my army plays (preventing Overwatch? Yes please!).

For the Sylvaneth, I got the Warsong Revenant painted up to round off my 2000 points, plus the Tree Revenants and Drycha primed. Some other bits got built like the Kurnoth, plenty to work on there going forward to expand the army.

And also:

After Sanguinala I felt the need for a change, although mainly just for those games. Since I'd picked up a load of Death Guard for cheap from the previous partworks magazine run it made sense to make an army of them, and making it Imperial v Xenos v Chaos is also appealing. It took two days to get these built, and I think a nice, filthy paint job will sort them right out.

GAMES

It felt like I'd got plenty of games in this year, extremely happy (in the most part).

Space Wolves

Plenty of games for these, certainly! I thoroughly enjoyed the Crusade league (although unfortunately I didn't get to finish it through illness, I'll do a full report at some point). I got some good games in with some lovely folks, and so hopefully more games next year.

I played a couple more games at a community meet-up at Element Games in December, against Emperor's Children Chaos Space Marines and then the Leagues of Votann. Two new codexes that shone a sharp light on where Space Marines are in the current meta (not that I particularly bother with such things). So many fancy tricks, so incredibly deadly (and durable). While I have got a better handle on my army they do feel like they have just slipped behind - a similar story against the Astra Militarum and their new book too. Dare I say, Space Marines feel a little... boring... at the minute?

I will endure! I have my new units to try - I liked how the Outriders and ATVs performed at Element and at Sanguinala - and maybe I'll add some more Space Wolves specific units to the force and see how they fare, add a little flavour.

Sylvaneth

Easy round-up this - no games played. Disappointing really - while I've had chances to play, I've not committed to anything.

2023

I want to get the primed models painted and played with. A few vehicles (half built Impulsor and Storm Speeder, plus the Hammerfall Bunker) and I'm nearly done with the army I had mapped out. I just need to get practicing with transfers and I can get them properly finished.

I'd like to make a start on some Firstborn too, that'll be the next stage of the army. Some Thunderwolf Cavalry are high up the list.

I'll see if I go mad with the Death Guard and end up with 2000 points-worth. It's a plague-riddled hole I could definitely fall down, although seeing how the initial lot paint up could put a stop to it. And I have a couple of other projects I have got put aside, the Deathwatch being the most interesting in terms of building.

It'd be great to play at least one game with the Sylvaneth. I think going to a weekend meet and taking just them is probably my best bet.

And after painting the Fury of Dracula models, I'd like to take a run at some of the Imperial Assault collection I have. I enjoyed the couple of games I've played of it, and if I can rope my friends into playing even better!

A busy year ahead then, hopefully! Happy New Year!

[ckmstudies]

I posted 2,518 times in 2022

That's 2,518 more posts than 2021!

127 posts created (5%)

2,391 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gushuwa

@frenchiepal

@wecandoit

@notetaeker

@a-students-lifebuoy

I tagged 2,402 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#queue up - 2,082 posts

#study - 109 posts

#mine - 107 posts

#study motivation - 106 posts

#studyblr - 106 posts

#heydilli - 106 posts

#study inspiration - 104 posts

#college - 104 posts

#studying - 100 posts

#student - 98 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#now all i have left to do is write my psych paper and make the final presentation then film myself giving the presentation and turn it in

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

47/100

I know that if I start studying for Latin earlier in the week I would do better but we just move so fast that by the time I've learned something we've moved on. Today our quiz was on a video she emailed us on Wednesday night. I'm pretty sure I made a B but there's just no time to study for something like that that quickly.

Looking forward to the weekend but not looking forward to exams next week.

273 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

#4

Day 16/100

Made it to the coffee shop! I got a cold brew and a yogurt parfait and then got in over two hours of accounting work! After the coffee shop, I went and ran errands, watched two episodes of Russian Doll and two episodes of Criminal Minds, and ended the day by going to my college's football game. Sadly we lost by three but I enjoyed watching the game and getting to hang out with my friends :)

277 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#3

24/100

I don't know if it's because I had two coffees today or if it's because I'm sick but I have been so dizzy all day. I hope I'm over this sickness soon. The good news is that my throat no longer hurts!!

Today I had social psychology and advanced accounting. In accounting I got my exam from last week back and ended up making a 102! It was the 2nd highest score in the class so I'm pretty darn happy about that. Tomorrow I have a Latin exam and so I went to a Latin study session and then obsessively wrote every possible way to write a noun or a verb over and over again for two hours in the hopes of having it memorized by tomorrow. Luckily going to the study session means I'll get five bonus points on the exam which gives me some wiggle room to make mistakes.

Here's another shot of my school's library. I love taking pictures of the library especially since my room and desk are a mess and I don't have the motivation to clean it lol. Maybe later this week I'll get it cleaned up. Hope everyone is having a good week so far!!

345 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

#2

51/100

Back in the library! I could not focus or stay awake while trying to study for my developmental psych exam tomorrow. So I called it quits after about an hour and decided I’d go to bed early and wake up early tomorrow. But we’ll see if that actually happens haha.

It’s officially cold. Last week we had highs of 85°F/29°C and now it’s 33°F/0°C and that’s just too drastically different. To the library tonight I wore sweat pants over my leggings as well as a tee shirt, a sweat shirt, and a jacket. If I had a hat I’d put that on too but alas. At least I’ll get to wear a sweater tomorrow!

Good luck to everyone this upcoming week :)

551 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

08/100

Another productive day! I went to the gym this morning for a light workout, went to both my classes, studied in the campus library for almost two hours, and then went to dinner with friends. I'm currently watching an episode of "The Sandman" and then it'll be back to studying. So overall, a very pleasant day!

826 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 2 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

The color of the leaves had already started changing drastically since the end of summer.

Autumn was always my favorite season, the changing colors around me feeling like a new beginning.

I wasn't used to anyone being happy to see me but Micah had a wide grin on his face when I stepped off the train in front of him.

"How was the train ride?" he asked, bumping my shoulder as he came to stand next to me.

"You didn't get into any trouble, did you?" I lightly shoved him away from me, putting some space between us.

"It was fine, no, I didn't get in any trouble," I mumbled back, readjusting my bag on my shoulder.

"Well you weren't texting me back so I had no idea if you even made it on the train," Micah replied, his tone slightly clipped yet still light.

He had this passive aggressive nature about him.

He never blew up at me, but he had a way of making sure I was aware when I was testing his patience, which seemed to be all the time.

"My phone died," I told him in a bored tone as Micah led me toward the campus.

"Well, you should keep it charged," he said.

"What if something happened? You would need some way to contact someone."

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, Dad."

"Maybe I'm acting like a Dad but I'm right," Micah replied.

At least he seemed to care about my well-being more than my actual Dad.

As Micah and I walked through campus, nearly everyone around us greeted him.

We were only two weeks into school, yet Micah seemed to know the whole campus.

It was like that for him in high school too.

He was one of those people that no one had a bad thing to say about.

Everyone knew him, everyone liked him.

Of course, that was until our hockey team became divided our senior year and half the guys on the team ended up hating him.

Somehow the two of us started on opposite sides and ended up in the same place.

"So we got invited to a little get together tonight," Micah told me as he waved to another person.

"Not a party, just a few of us. We don't have to go if you don't want to, but I think we should."

"I don't care, Micah."

"Also, my dad wants you to call him at some point," Micah said.

"It doesn't have to be now but sometime this weekend. He doesn't want to bother you but he wants to hear from you."

"But you have no problem bothering me?" I asked.

Micah shrugged.

"Not at all."

"I'll probably go home next weekend to try to see my sister," I said, rolling my eyes.

"My parents will be happy if you go home."

It was still strange talking about home as the Hanson's house.

I had only lived at their house for a few months before going off to college but it still felt more like home than the house I grew up in ever did.

I guessed that was part of why I felt the need to go back there.

Not only did I want to go back to see my sister but I wanted to go back into the Hanson's house and have that feeling of home again.

Micah looked over at me and must have noticed a difference in the way I was walking.

"Is something wrong with your leg?" he asked.

"Some asshole knocked me over on my run this morning," I told him.

"It's fine."

"Maybe you should get it checked out," he said.

"Before hockey season starts and it becomes a problem."

"Maybe."

Eventually we made it to Micah's room and I set my stuff down next to his bed.

I had been here one other time when I went with Micah and his parents to move him in.

He lived in a suite with other freshmen hockey players.

The bedroom was small but bigger than mine and it was a shared room.

"My roommate is staying with his girlfriend this weekend," Micah told me, sitting down on his desk.

"He said you could use his bed. He put on new sheets before he left."

I scowled at him.

"I'm not sleeping in some dude's bed."

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, you can sleep in mine then. I'll take his."

"I'll take the floor."

"You're not sleeping on the floor," Micah denied, crossing his arms over his chest.

I let out a sigh but didn't respond.

It wasn't worth arguing with Micah.

He always seemed to win our arguments anyway, not that we argued about anything serious.

He just didn't like to see me be stubborn or wallow in self pity.

"I think you'll like hanging out with my friends here," Micah said, obviously feeling like he had won our argument.

"They're kinda low key. Not real big partiers. It's nice."

I had enough of parties in high school back when I was popular and so good at faking like I had my life together when I was really doing everything I could to hide who I really was.

Back then, parties were where I could let loose and receive all the validation I never got from my parents.

They were where I could be with girls and try to convince myself that was what I wanted.

Now a party seemed like the last place I wanted to be.

I was beyond seeking validation and trying to convince myself I was straight.

Now I just wanted to be left alone and perceived by no one.

"I can just stay here and you can go hang out with your friends," I told Micah, sitting down on his bed.

Micah shot me a look that told me that wasn't going to happen.

He would rather stay here with me than leave me all alone.

He thought I didn't socialize enough and he made sure to tell me that.

Just like I made sure to tell him he wasn't my therapist and he could keep his mouth shut.

"I'm not leaving you here alone," he said, shaking his head.

"So let's not even start an argument."

I nodded, rolling my eyes as I leaned over on his bed to plug my phone into his charger.

"Have you made any friends at school?" he asked me, though he already knew the answer.

I wasn't the friend making type.

In high school, I had been friends with all those kids since we first learned how to skate.

I never needed to make friends because we had been around each other before it was so hard.

Then I became captain of the hockey team in high school and I didn't have to make any new friends then either.

I had the hockey team and that was it.

It wasn't like I was trying and failing to make friends in college.

I just didn't talk to anyone.

I barely even talked to my team because I didn't want them finding out more about me than I wanted them to know, though I was sure some of them already knew.

At least the ones my age who I had played against the last few years.

Eventually, Micah won our silent argument and dragged me over to one of his friend's dorm rooms.

At least Micah was an honest person and the gathering we headed to was actually low key.

There were only four other people there sitting in front of a T.V. and playing NHL on Xbox.

The one who opened the door was taller than both Micah and me.

His expression brightened when he saw the two of us and moved aside to let us in.

"Micah," he exclaimed, his arms opened wide.

"And you must be Landon. I'm Dylan, one of Micah's teammates."

I nodded at him in a greeting and followed Micah into the cramped room.

This dorm was in a suite, with a common area in the middle surrounded by the bedrooms.

There was a couch and a couple chairs with some bean bag chairs scattered on the floor.

Micah's friends made room for the two of us on the couch and I sat on the end closest to the window while Micah sat in the middle.

"Either of you want to play?" the guy on the other side of Micah asked.

I shook my head and Micah politely declined.

I just watched the game on the T.V. and listened as Micah made small talk with his friends.

I tried not to think about how I didn't fit in with these crowds anymore or how I preferred my solitude over being surrounded by people.

I wasn't paying too much attention to the conversations in the room until one of the guys lying down on his stomach on a bean bag chair let out a loud groan at something that happened on the screen and said something along the lines of 'that's so gay' which earned a reaction of Micah.

"Jeremy," Micah said.

"Sorry," Jeremy replied, turning to face Micah.

"Forgot I have to take that out of my vocabulary."

Micah glanced over at me and it took everything in me not to kick him in the shin.

I wasn't necessarily hiding the fact that I was gay anymore but I didn't want to announce it to everyone, especially a room full of hockey players at a catholic school.

Ever since things went sour with he and Elijah, Micah's had this gray cloud of guilt hanging over him.

So when he got to college, the first thing he did was get involved with the diversity and inclusion board at the school and he was now an ambassador for the hockey team.

It came to no surprise that he would bring that over to his friendships as well.

"We all have to," Dylan said.

"You never know who on the team could be struggling. You have to watch your mouth."

"I know, I know," Jeremy replied.

"We already got this lecture."

"Yeah, I'm just saying you shouldn't say those things in private either," Dylan responded before turning to Micah and me.

"You two had a gay guy on your team right?"

More than one, so apparently Dylan didn't know about me.

Micah nodded.

"Elijah. He transferred senior year and we played against him and his boyfriend, Fox. They're playing at BU and Northeastern this year."

Micah would never tell these guys but the reason Elijah transferred out was because he had to.

After he came out to Micah, Micah couldn't hold it in.

He told me, worried about what Elijah's confession meant for him and the team and I lost it.

I had pent up rage over my own sexuality and hearing about Elijah's made me snap.

Then he told his mother before she heard from anyone else and she kicked him out.

So, he didn't just transfer.

He was forced out and I was a huge part to blame.

Just another thing to add to the list of things wrong with me.

"It's cool though, having two out players in the NCAA," one of the other guys said.

"It'll hopefully make hockey culture less toxic."

Micah hummed in agreement, scrolling through his cell-phone.

"Oh, speaking of," Micah said, tilting his phone toward me.

"There they are."

He was on Instagram, a picture of Elijah and Fox displayed on the screen.

There were a few things I noticed then.

One was that I couldn't look at Elijah without feeling a squeezing in my stomach because I felt so guilty over the way I had treated him and how he helped me when I needed it despite that.

Another thing was that I couldn't look at the two of them together without a painful throb in my heart because I envious of what they had, and how they could be out in the open together.

The last thing made me clench my fists and my jaw.

I saw Fox and instantly placed the familiar stranger who knocked me on my ass.

Fox's brother.

The one who held me back from punching Fox one day in the school parking lot.

The two looked too much alike for me not to notice.

And now all I could do was hope I'd never run into him again.