#I feel like this is a valid reason to wait to decorate

[sheliesshattered]

why haven't I decorated my porch for Halloween yet?

because if I did my crow friends wouldn't come visit me

[bambi-slxt]

🤍𝐈 𝐒𝐞𝐞 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠🤍

𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕨 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠

word count: 1.5k

genres: n/a

warnings: mentions of depression medication and mental health, male masturbation

notes from bambi: here you go!

Matt did see everything. He liked to lurk in the triplet’s fandom spaces, and when his mental health was good, he even found it kinda fun, though he would never reveal this aloud. He definitely enjoyed watching those same spaces work themselves into a tizzy at his knowledge admittance–these kids were so funny. So it came as no surprise to him when the Tumblr TikTok video showed up on his feed.

Matt hadn’t had a good night. He’d tried to jerk off earlier, all to no avail. His antidepressants were helpful for his mood and overall outlook on life but goddamn did they make it hard to masturbate. With a snarl, he had pulled up his boxers and opened TikTok. That was over an hour ago, and now Matt scrolled aimlessly on his private account. He was quite proud of it actually. He disguised it as some random fanpage and had made it a personal mission that week to reblog a few videos about himself. No one would know, and he was nothing if not a Matt girl. 

The video on his Following page was formatted simply–a girl in her room, as most of them were, and he saw it was one of his favorite fan accounts. She always had good takes and the drama in her comment section kept him incredibly entertained. She was expressing her fear at his now-infamous “I see everything” line, and with a chuckle, he pressed the heart icon, preparing to scroll away. In his sleepy haze, he missed, hitting the comment bubble instead. What he saw made his head tilt.

user

   oh ik the tumblr girlies shakin rn

      user

         LMAOOOO REAL

      user

         i’m so lost 😭😭😭

      user

         tumblr can’t be worse than here

      user

         wait what’s on tumbler?

           see all 63 replies៴

user

   bro does NOT see everything, he’d be traumatized

     see all 12 replies៴

user

   @ user WHEN I SAW THAT I SCREAMED

user

   you guys are gonna make them quit if you keep doing ts

     see all 241 replies៴

Matt rolled his eyes at that one. He knew it was a valid concern, but he also knew that there were prices to be paid for being famous, and he would take a few weird stories in exchange for the life of his literal dreams. And besides, he reasoned to himself, they were always so off-the-mark anyway that it didn’t even feel like he was reading about himself.

But back to the matter at hand. Matt had never even heard of Tumblr, so there couldn’t be that many triplet fan accounts on there, and he figured that after everything he’d seen on Twitter, he was ready for anything.

“Well this is fucking ridiculous,” he grumbled to himself, scrolling to the end of the “headcanon”, as it was called. Matt read the name of the “blogger” (he was learning so many new terms tonight) that posted it - some strange amalgamation of letters and numbers, with, of course, “sturniolo” tacked on to the end. Matt elected to keep his thoughts on the spelling to himself. “You’re weird for that. All of it.” He swiped out of the app, fully prepared to roll over, go to sleep, and forget all about it.

…

But what else did they get wrong about him? What did the rest of them think he did when he had sex? Matt figured he should check that “sturniolo triplet” hashtag one more time. 

He sat up properly for this, sighing as he flicked on his bedside lamp. It illuminated his room, its soft light showcasing the woodsy decorations he’d furnished months ago. With a grimace, he opened the accursed app once more and began a deep dive.

It seemed the entire community centered around “smut” of him and Chris. He saw a few for Nick, a handful for Nate, all of which he scrolled past quickly, blinking them away. He wasn’t trying to dive that deep.

The first thing Matt noticed was that almost every story had a line of photos at the top, like a faux header. None of the images contained anything amiss–all were photos posted by him and his brothers throughout the years, pictures taken by fans at shows, and the like. No, the real stuff lay in the words. This was a community–he could tell that much from the amount of reposting–of very good writers. Many of their stories spanned thousands of words with multiple parts and real plots woven throughout. And there were a lot. It was dizzying. He adjusted himself. 

There were stories for almost every situation, some even making him a drug dealer (though most writers seemed to think that out of anyone, it would be Chris, which he found hilarious due to the fact that Chris couldn’t tell a convincing lie if his life depended on it), a mafia boss, a father, a mechanic, or simply just a doting boyfriend. Some wrote him as a harsh, domineering man, quick to take his bratty girlfriend to task. Some wrote him as a needy submissive individual, and the words they used made his head spin. Matt adjusted himself again. His dick didn’t normally bother him this much. Maybe he needed new boxers. 

Matt himself only had a bit of experience in the wide world of sex. He knew there were some wild kinks out there, but he found he was never much interested in watching that kind of porn, and he’d only been with a few girls his entire life, none of whom had ever asked him to perform such tasks on them, so he really didn’t know what he liked and didn’t like. As he lay in his bed, his lamp casting fuzzy shadows over his room, Matt couldn’t tear his eyes from the screen.

They think I’m capable of actually…spanking someone? Am I? If she wanted it, I guess…Apparently I’m some sort of sex god, super posessive, I have a breeding kink, whatever the fuck that means, and Chris and I fight over girls a lot. To him, that was the most unrealistic–he and Chris had wildly different types. 

The sheer amount of stories depicting him absolutely rearranging the guts of the reader or y/n (he still had no idea what that meant) made his brain short-circuit, and he tried to tap out of the one currently pulled up. But alas, Matt still had no idea how Tumblr worked–the images below every story just took him deeper, and it was one of those images that he misguidedly clicked on, an innocuous lilac purple, covered in sparkles. Seems harmless enough.

As Matt tapped around, trying to get back, he found himself on another account and thoroughly lost. An underlined word in the first post caught his attention–concepts. Subtitled below were the words, “short headcanons about the triplets! both sfw and nsfw”. He tilted his head. ‘Sfw’? What does that mean? A quick Google search quieted his questioning. Surely a “safe-for-work” headcanon would be fine to read. He tapped the link, and it directed him to a simpler page, one organized using just his name and Chris’s, each one with links below them. His thumb hovered over one near the top, its title mildly intriguing–“soft!dom!matt”.

Then he paused. Was he really doing this? His dick began to throb. He should have just left the whole thing alone, but now…well, now he had to know. 

Five words in and he was pumping his rock-hard cock in his hand. Matt’s neck strained, his left thumb shaking as he tried to scroll to read more. Such a short piece of fiction and yet…

His stomach began to tie itself into knots. The more he read, the more he panted. His whole pelvic region felt tingly and his cock was so warm in his hand, and getting warmer by the second. This was different than anything he’d ever jerked off to before–this wasn’t a video, or even a naughty selfie from a girlfriend. This was pure porn, about him bringing some unnamed girl to completion over and over again. Matt didn’t even know that was possible. The unnamed girl couldn’t even handle his cock, that’s how tight she was-

The moment he realized this fact, his nuts clenched and he spurted cum all the way up to his chest. Pumping furiously, even raising his hips into his hand, he continued his explosive orgasm, letting out breathy groans as he did so. His chest heaved with heavy breath, and Matt felt the beginnings of a headache forming behind his eyes from how hard he’d just finished. He collapsed on his bed, sheets askew, pillows rearranged, staring blankly at the ceiling.

And then Matt realized which head had been doing all his thinking for him this entire time. Letting his now-limp dick flop to the side, he let out one more gasp of air. “That was weird,” he said aloud into the empty room. “Never doing that again.”

notes from bambi: i referenced my own work because it didn’t feel right to use anyone else’s without their consent, and i wanted to put this out today, not because i think my writing is better than anyone else's or because i think matt would prefer mine over yours. remember that it’s all just fiction and we write for fun. i hope you all enjoyed!

request to be on the taglist under this post right here

tags: @pinksturniolo @malirosee @st7rnioioss @nonat-111 @cindylcuwho @evie-sturns @h3arts4harry @fanficsbymia @dazednmatthews @sturniolo-rat @mattsmad @sturniolo04 @bellasturn @blahbel668 @yomamaslays4lyfe @stasiesturn @pleasantlycrazyworld @ariqolyx @wh0resstuff @krissy4gov @coochiedestroyer1 @madisturn @mattspolitank @sturnsxplr-25 @xtravrgnoliveoil @raysmayhem-72 @sturnpooks @certifiedstarrr @melanch0lybby @freshloveforthefit @xoxo4chrisss @stunza @meerkatzthings @zivall @sturniolopepsi @that1fangirll @wh0schl0 @sharksworldd @mattscoquette @chrisslutx @sturnzsblog @solarsturniolo

[qqueenofhades]

re your tags on that last post, you could say he was...biden his time

BA DUMP TSHH.

I think that everyone, having gotten through the initial 24 hours of rage, fear, terror, confusion, anger, and frustration, is coming around to the idea that this was possibly a good thing and has undoubtedly given the Democratic ticket a much-needed jolt of energy. There are still all the very valid conversations to be had about the sway of a tiny group of billionaire donors, the media and Anonymous Democratic Sources bullying, the decision to torch Biden when they could so easily (so! easily!!!) have done it to Trump at any time and have clearly decided to go FULLY into the tank for him instead. This has many worrisome implications for democracy, and it's not something to be celebrated. All of that is still very much true.

However, now that we have had concrete evidence of the party immediately cohering around Kamala and the grassroots donors busting down the door to give her money, it may also turn out that this was a very wise political jiu-jitsu move by a very crafty political veteran like Biden. As the post I just reblogged pointed out, he did it AFTER the GOP convention, when the Republicans had already locked in (by any reasonable metric) a terrible, terrible ticket. It makes the Democrats look like the ones responsive to the American people demanding a younger and more mentally "with it" candidate (no matter how obvious the slurs about ageism were in regard to Biden when Trump is literally THREE YEARS YOUNGER and far more obviously scrambled). It opens all the excitement and historic firsts of Obama in 2008, it gives the perfect "Prosecutor vs. Felon" tagline that's really easy to run with and stick in people's minds, it is beautiful revenge for all Trump's horrible sexist behavior in 2016 (and really, his whole life) and it gives the Democrats the narrative, if they can FUCKING STICK TOGETHER AND STOP STABBING EACH OTHER IN THE BACK. Now we get to hear about Kamala's running mate, Kamala's plans, feel-good pieces about how she appeals to youth, women/people of color, etc. etc. ALL THAT IS GOOD.

I think/hope the DNC will now be a massive celebration of Biden, who after all came out of retirement when he was already old to take on Trump, beat him, deliver an incredibly successful presidency, and pass the torch on to Kamala. I saw some criticism of Obama yesterday for not endorsing her immediately, but what I read is that he/the other Democratic big beasts (Pelosi, Schumer, etc) want to be a uniting figure with an endorsement of the final candidate, if there was a contested primary beforehand. Thank fuck, it doesn't look like there will be, but it also means that they might wait until the DNC before openly endorsing her. Now, I am still angry at the Biden knifing that all these three were complicit in to some degree, BUT I also have no doubt that if/when Kamala is confirmed as the nominee, they will line up behind her to endorse her and her VP pick. I have seen Mark Kelly, Roy Cooper, etc as possible picks (since alas, she will probably have to pick a straight white man; Kelly would be replaced in the Senate by Democratic AZ governor Katie Hobbs; Cooper is term-limited as governor in NC and might help us target that state for a flip). But what is number one most important is that we support her and whoever she DOES choose. I have also heard that she is already in the process of vetting picks and this is exciting news.

I am thrilled to vote for a woman for POTUS the second time in a few years, I think she has a real shot at winning, and I am heartened by how the base has rallied to Kamala in 24 hours. Let's fucking go. As my new office decoration says:

[luvvyouforever]

sfw alphabet - tamlin, high lord of the spring court

↳ tamlin is such an interesting character to write about and while i am not a tamlin apologist, i do think he deserves more written about him. he has so many layers that i, as a creative writer, would like to explore. so, here is a large collection of my headcanons about tamlin organized in the sfw alphabet template. enjoy, dears!

a : affection

-i think tamlin is slow to be affectionate. he's a gentleman at heart and grew up in a more traditional lifestyle. however, once you become partners or once that mating bond snaps, he will shower you in affection. this comes in the form of acts of service and providing for you. he would spend the whole day catering to your every need if you let him. when you're laying in bed, he keeps his arms tight around you. when you're in the kitchen or working on something, his hands will reach for you and pull you back into his chest. he is such a big forehead kisser too, i will accept nothing else. i imagine that he wraps you in his arms and leaves his lips on the top of your head. eek!

b : best friend

-since tamlin starts out being pretty isolated from a lot of people besides his own inner court, i would say making friends is rare for him. he has those really close bonds with people like lucien and perhaps you started working with him in a more work colleague way. slowly, you built a friendship after so much time spent together. he would be a very supportive friend who listens well. he doesn't think he's great at offering you advice so he would prefer to be in your presence and absorb every word you say, telling you that whatever choice you make is valid. tamlin also suits a friends to lovers trope very well i think.

c : cuddles

-tamlin loves feeling like a protector and when you're wrapped tight in his arms, drifting off to a safe sleep, he's in heaven. he loves to spoon you and rarely will he be the little spoon. it would take a particularly rough day for him to come to you, asking if you could hold him. he may rest his head on your chest while you enjoy a picnic by the lake but he gravitates towards holding you in any way he can.

d : domestic

-tamlin wants to settle down so bad it hurts him. he wants nothing more than to have a lifelong partner who is there for him, who he knows will be waiting on him to come home. he has dreams of you decorating his manor to your liking and, if you can, having a family together. as for his own cooking and cleaning skills, i think he relies a lot on magic to pick up after himself. instead of making the bed, he would wave his hand and it would fix the sheets immediately. i don't think he'd make you bare the weight of being the sole homemaker so if you wanted to, he'd love to help you cook or do anything around the manor.

e : ending

-i think tamlin would suck at breakups. he would feel so guilty all over for any reason he had while breaking up with someone. those feelings would overwhelm him until he convinced himself to stay by your side unless it came down to saving your life. he is willing to place your protection over his own happiness and if it came down to it, he would ensure that you knew how deep his love ran for you before he made the heartbreaking decision to send you on your way.

f : fiance

-tamlin would be quick to arrange a wedding after your mating bond snapped. he isn't scared of commitment but he is scared and insecure that after a while, you'd get bored of his presence and stop putting up with his habits. i think he'd be so happy proposing to you but as the wedding neared, he would get nervous and you could tell in the way he fidgeted any time you brought up the future. some sweet words though and he would feel much better.

g : gentle

-in some moments, tamlin could be the most gentle partner you had ever met. he would softly brush hair back behind your ear or his hand would trace delicate shapes along your spine that never failed to give you goosebumps. he's working on being more gentle emotionally, though. he can be high strung at times, and he knows this. when he feels his temper rising, he reminds himself of peaceful scenarios like waking up with you in a warm bed or swimming in the pool of stars with you. however, if you want him to be, he can be more forceful. imagine non-sexual dominance. sternly telling you to eat breakfast so you don't feel weak for the rest of the day or guiding you through unfamiliar places with a hand stuck to your waist.

h : hugs

-tamlin is such a big hugger. he loves the feeling of your body tight to his, wrapped up in his arms. he seeks out your presence after a long day of being high lord and the minute he sees you, he grabs your hand and pulls you into his chest. he stays like that for a few minutes, breathing in your scent and basking in your comforting atmosphere. if he has nothing to do in the morning, good luck getting out of bed. he'd mumble and grumble any time you try to escape his grasp. "but tam, i have to go to the bathroom really bad!" "mm-mm. not going. you're too cozy."

i : i love you

-tamlin is so the first person in a relationship to confess his love. granted, after everything that happened in his life, it would take him longer than usual and you may be the first to say it but generally, he feels everything incredibly deeply and he can't hold back those three words when he sees you enjoying the warmth of his lands or looking at him with more adoration than anyone in his life ever had.

j : jealousy

-tamlin can be a very very jealous person. especially in the beginnings of your relationship when nothing feels set in stone just yet. his jealousy never negatively affects you. he can't blame anyone for feeling drawn into your beauty and if anyone ever dares to act on those feelings, he would threaten them within an inch of their life. later that night, he'd hug you tight and mumble "all mine" into your skin while he kisses you, leaving a few more marks than he usually would.

k : kisses

-tamlin would find any time during his day to give you a kiss full of love and devotion that would nearly have your knees buckling. he is not one for quick pecks and each of his kisses hold as much as, if not more, emotion than the last. he likes kissing you on your forehead, as i said before, and your neck is one of his favorite spots. as for him, he likes having his shoulders and chest kissed. there's nothing that makes him feel weaker than when you're tucked into his chest, slowly falling asleep, and you leave lazy kisses along his exposed skin.

l : little ones

-tamlin is great around kids but he's horribly nervous to have kids of his own. on an outing to a spring court village, he played with a group of kids and he came back to you positively glowing. i really really imagine tamlin as a girl dad. he would let his daughter cover him in makeup, force a tiara on his head, and have tea parties with her. he's scared about being a bad dad to them but the minute he has his kid in his arms, every negative feeling seeps out of him and is replaced by soul-crushing love.

m : mornings

-rarely does tamlin have a morning where he has nothing on his plate. more often than not, he is rising before you and carefully slinks out of the blankets to begin his day. before he leaves to begin his duties, he will bring you a cup of tea that will stay hot and some pastries that alis made earlier. he leaves you a sweet note that never fails to make you smile.

n : nights

-sometimes, tamlin needs a little extra convincing to come to bed and all you have to do is pad out to his office, dressed in your pajamas (which is secretly his weakspot) and he'd be following after you like a puppy. he loves taking a warm bath before bed and when you're finally covered in blankets, he has to say nothing for you to curl into him. you'll stay up for a little longer, talking about your days or whispering sweet words to each other. he would never fall asleep first. he waits until your breathing evens out before closes his eyes and sleeps too. he doesn't move much through the night but if you do, his arms will subconsciously reach for you. he has to have your touch through the night.

o : open

-tamlin values honesty and loyalty. he will reveal information about him, about his past in bursts. it usually begins with surface level information before he gives in to your support and fully opens up about everything. he has to really, truly trust you to be able to tell you things. it takes him a while to be a good communicator and come to you with anything but when he does, he will hold on to your hands, stabilize his breathing, and come clean about anything bothering him.

p : patience

-tamlin is relatively quick to anger. when it comes to you, not so much. he will have significantly more patience and restraint when it comes to you. it would have to be pretty serious before tamlin would feel anger directed at you. however, when it comes to other people, tamlin has a high temper that he is learning to control. sometimes when he comes back to your bedroom, you can see the anger and tension in his body. he'll sit on the edge of the bed and without a word, you'd come up behind him and work your hands into his shoulders. he'd visibly relax and melt into your touch. his anger is nothing when compared to his appreciation for you.

q : quizzes

-tamlin remembers everything about you. you aren't sure how he does it. when you're out shopping or roaming a town, he will remember the jewels that your eyes lingered on for a second longer than the rest of them. he will remember your favorite books, the way you take your tea, how you like the bed to be made, your favorite perfumes, your favorite style of clothing. if you told him you like something in passing, he will take a note of it and stores it in a little drawer in his brain.

r : remember

-tamlin's favorite moment in your relationship has to be when he proposed to you. he knew how much you enjoyed roaming the rose gardens his father gifted his mother and decided he'd do something similar. one afternoon, he cleared out his entire schedule, telling lucien to watch the court while he took you out to a far end of his estate. he had it expanded to contain a garden made of your favorite flowers. he walked with you to the middle and just as you were admiring the beautiful flora, he got down on one knee and the look in your eyes permanently etched itself into his brain and he frequently remember the memory on bad days.

s : security

-tamlin is a protector. it's the role that he loves and thrives in. he wants to help you and keep you safe against everything. however, he knows to rein in that instinct now. you won't be going on any particularly dangerous missions soon but he will gladly allow you to come along with him to his high lord duties and grants lucien permission to teach you self-defense. in actual danger, tamlin would lay down his life to protect yours. he's pushing you behind his body, holding his arm out, taking down anyone who poses a threat to your safety. if the tables turn, though, and it's your turn to protect him, he will be forever grateful. he will spend his entire life trying to repay you for the debt.

t : try

-the high lord of the spring court enjoys a celebration and enjoys a reason to spoil you. anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays are very important to him. he will remember the date, acquire gifts, and shower you with affection all day. in every day life, he makes a point to show you love even when stuck in high lord duties. he has alis prepare your favorite foods, clothes appear in your closet, notes are left around your room, and when he can, he will come to meals with you. dinner with you every single night is required unless it is a life or death situation.

u : ugly

-tamlin holds a lot of self-resentment and he has so many walls that he put up to protect himself against pain. like i wrote before, he also has a high temper but he's slowly found ways to work out the frustration and anger he feels. he doesn't get the best sleep either. not only does he stay up late but he sleeps lightly, meaning most noises and movements wake him up.

v : vanity

-i don't think tamlin has to do much to look good. he wakes up and you find yourself in awe of the ethereal man before you. his golden hair falls perfectly on the pillow and throughout the day, it lays perfectly on his shoulders. his physique does not need much upkeep except for regular trainings with lucien or other sentries. the only thing that preoccupies his mind is his clothing. his tunics must be neatly pressed and if he had to dress up for anything, his clothing would be made of the best possible material.

w : whole

-tamlin has gone a while without a lifelong, stable partner and he used to feel fine with that fact. however, since he has met you, he feels incomplete without you. he feels as though you are his other half, you are his good side, he is not himself when he is not with you. his attitude changes after he spends a long time apart from you. he's mopey and more agitated than usual. however, as soon as he can spend his mornings and nights with you again, he feels at peace.

x : xtra

-he enjoys using his shapeshifting powers and showing them off around you. while his beast form can be utterly horrifying, you don't feel threatened at all, knowing that underneath, it is simply your love. on days when he's feeling goofy or flirtatious, he'll change into his form, find you exploring the forest, and nudge you for attention. he won't stop until you pet him even though his form towers over you entirely. you don't mind cuddling up with his beast form either! even with magic ensuring the court stays in spring, he sometimes can't help the cold breezes that pass through, casting a chill over the lands. during these times, you revel in the warmth he radiates.

y : yuck

-tamlin would not like a partner that is rude to others. he values the people who work in his manor, who live in his village, who staff his army. he would be immediately turned off if you were to be rude to any one of them. as for general things he dislikes, i think he doesn't enjoy storms and prefers gentle weather where sun peaks through the curtains and it's just warm enough outside. i imagine that he has a very refined food palette but he is particular about his food as well. his meats need to be cooked perfectly and if something tastes off, he will not scold anyone or become upset but simply not eat.

z : zzz

-tamlin snores very softly but it's quite a comforting noise that often lulls you to sleep. since he's musically inclined, he would enjoy humming lullabies in your ear while he spoons you. he needs to touch you throughout the entire night and even when his fear of losing you starts to dissipate, the habit continues. on nights when he feels restless, he will slowly slip out of bed, down to the kitchen, where he will make some tea infused with some great sleep aids.

[muniimyg]

+ extra ! in our forever

series m.list

note: omg hiii ??? helloo ??? okok this was supposed to be posted for yoongi’s birthday... then i planned it to be written in time for my birthday/bts birthday... now it’s being posted mid summer.... like hello? where did the time go? i felt so stuck writing this extra because it feels more like the ending than the actual ending ? does that make sense lol... i planned to write their first kiss scene but honestly i don’t think i’ll be able to do so [unless i get the random urge to write it instead of studying for a final or smt] ! hoping to back more regularly when my work schedule stops being a bitch <3 slowly but surely,, my fics will continue to be deleted off my notes/drafts and pushed out frfr. thank u all of ur patience ,, i TRULY miss u all... laughing with u guys after every update literally gave me a reason to wake up and have smt to look forward to. i look forward to all of ur love and support for my upcoming / ongoing works. 

muwah muwah ,, kimi 💛✨🥂

ps… it’s lengthy y’all 💀 it’s to make up for being so mia HAHHAAA

warnings: smut & angst ,, MY FAVE DUO <3

taglist requests are closed !

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In the midst of the airport chaos, Yoongi finds you standing with a stupid sign that looks like it was decorated by your preschool students. 

It’s times like these when he can’t help but smile at how insufferable you are. Why are you so fucking cute? Standing there, looking for him in the sea of strangers with your warm greeting. It’s a sight he wishes to last forever. It makes his stomach turn knowing that it’s him you’re waiting for. It’s him you’re here for. 

It’s him. 

As usual, Yoongi finds you first and continues to let you look for him. He waits for your eyes to find his before he picks up his feet and makes his way to you. You smile, unable to hold yourself back from making your way to him as well. 

As you do so, Yoongi gets a closer and closer look at the sign. At that moment, his heart skips a beat, realizing that your preschool class knows about him.

The boyfriend. 

It’s such a simple label. It even sounds silly to say and even so; he never gets used to how it makes him feel. How excited he is to be yours and how others react to it... Something about little children running around the classroom, knowing their teacher ____ is loved and has a boyfriend makes him so happy. 

God, it’s so fucking embarrassing and it honestly doesn’t even matter... But why... Why was it consuming his mind so effortlessly? 

Though these thoughts and daydreams are so easily executed in his mind; being your boyfriend—the mere title of it—has him in shambles. He will never get used to this privilege. So, it’s only natural that he wonders if you talk about him to them just as much. He wonders if they’ve asked you any silly questions like... If you two have ever kissed or if you two were ever going to get married.. Better yet; if you have any babies with him...

All valid questions 3 year old's could ask you! Even more valid questions for your boyfriend to ponder. 

You talk about your students so much. Like, it’s a little ridiculous! You talk about them as if they’re yours. With that, the idea of having a family with you is prone to linger in his mind. However, that’s way down the line..

He’d have to propose to you first; marry you second, and then have children with you. All the while, loving you forever. 

These thoughts, though dramatic and honestly a little extensive—consume him. It’s a little strange and overwhelming considering that you two haven’t been together for that long. Not to mention, he had just left for nearly and month. 

Yet, isn’t that how you two bloomed anyway? Testing and proving that absence does make the heart grow fonder. 

He gulps as he watches you rush to him. You squeal as he picks up his speed and meets you halfway. There, you practically fall into his arms. 

Nothing is better than this. 

Yoongi has only been away for three weeks, but it feels like it’s been forever. You’re so used to having him by your side and these past three weeks just felt like torture. All the texts and photo updates were simply not enough. If anything, they made missing him even worse. 

But that’s all over now.

Now, he’s here. He’s kissing your cheeks and holding you close. He doesn’t think he’ll ever let go.. Why should he? 

“I missed you,” Yoongi confesses in a rather whiney matter. It’s as if he wasn’t the one that left for a trip.. You clearly remember asking him if he really had to go. Then, he pouts with eyebrows knitting together. You tilt your head in response. “Ace...” 

You snicker at his whine.

“What?”

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Hahahaa! Yoongi, you just arrived—”

His lips crash into yours, kissing you so profoundly that your back arches and melts into his touch. Everyone is probably looking at you two—ever so the dramatic couple.

Oh, whatever.

You missed him too.

The boys are all patiently waiting for Yoongi back in his apartment. 

As you unlock the door, Yoongi drags his luggage in. Immediately, he’s greeted with a wave of affectionate yells and shoves. His friends, ever so the gentlemen, push him around so much until they all end up on the floor. Laughing together, you watch them help each other up. 

“We’re grown men. Stop embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend,” Yoongi reprimands his friends as he dusts himself off. The guys roll their eyes in response and you even scoff. 

“She was late to a game and you cried about it—”

Yoongi corrects his friend with a technicality. “I almost cried.”

“Same shit!” Jungkook laughs at Yoongi’s sad attempt to save face. He then wraps his arms around Yoongi and looks up at him with bambi eyes. “You know.. I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Why?”

“Because I was promised cotton candy if I showed up to your welcome home dinner... So where the fuck is it? Give it to me. Now.”

The boys exchange looks with one another. “Jungkook, we actually don’t have any cotton candy tonight... But, don’t you want to be here and spend time with us—”

“Fucking liars!” Jungkook flips everyone off before pushing Yoongi aside and exiting his apartment. 

Everyone stands there for a moment, unsure of what just happened.

“Did he really just leave?” Taehyung bursts into laughter. 

Before you know it, everyone joins in. Laughing together because Jungkook is so unhinged... Also because you all know Jungkook would be back in (give or take) 20 minutes.

Why?

It’s not like he has other friends that would put up with his dramatic ass. 

As expected, Yoongi kicks everyone out. 

They all hurry out, leaving a bit of a mess behind. You shake your head as you collect all the dishes and bring them to the sink. Soaking the dirty dishes, you scrape off any extras and set them aside. Meanwhile, Yoongi is in charge of sweeping, mopping, and putting anything Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook played with away. 

“How the fuck did Nam Joon manage to leave his sock here?” 

“His what?”

“Sock. He left one.”

You throw your head back, laughing and recalling how chaotic tonight was.

“He didn’t even drink that much tonight... I think you drank more than him,” you comment, turning to face Yoongi. He pauses on wiping the table and rolls his eyes at you. 

“Nam Joon is lightweight.”

“Yeah?” you challenge him, “what are you?”

“Wanna find out?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let’s see how sloppy I fuck you tonight.”

You send him a glare, trying your best to mask your amusement. How could he be so unhinged? “Min Yoongi!”

“Yes, Ace?”

“Behave!” 

He shrugs at you. “I’ve been behaving.. Don’t believe me? Punish me tonight.”

You gag at his line. He laughs a bit as you make a cringe face at him. “Is that why you wanted me to sleep over?”

“No,” Yoongi slurs. You raise your eyebrows, eyes softening, with a small grin. Yoongi folds; “... okay, fine.”

You chuckle.

“Shut up!” He defends himself.

“I didn’t say anything!” With that, you burst into laughter. 

To put into perspective, the idea of sleeping over occurred after a very mature and communicative compromise. The compromise was that Yoongi had won 2 of 3 in an intense rock, paper, scissors game and you (have to because you lost) decided to spend the next week in his apartment. This would be a great time to reconnect and catch up on his trip. Regardless if he called and texted you every day during it; it’s different seeing his face light up as he relives his stories. You love listening to him talk about the things he loves—oddly enough, you’re all he can talk about these days.

Nevertheless, Yoongi tells you about how great his trip with his brother was. Seeing a bunch of NBA games in real life made him feel like he was doing something for his inner child. He talks about how much his brother bickered with him and how their taste in food was exactly the same so every time they went to restaurants; they would argue about who should get the other dish instead of both of them ordering the same meals.

You’re glad he’s back. 

Having your friends over tonight was such a good reset and time together. Now, the night concludes with cleaning with the love of your life. Could the simple things in life get any better than this?

Your thoughts are put on pause as you feel Yoongi’s arms wrap around your waist. As you continue to rinse the dishes, he rests his chin on the crook of your neck. 

“___,” he murmurs into your skin. You put the last dish on the dishrack before turning your body to be face to face with him. Tilting your head at him, a little confused with the underlying look of seriousness on his face. “Do your preschoolers ever ask about me?”

“Hmm?” you hum, unsure of what he means. “What about you?”

Yoongi purses his lips. “Like.. Do they know I’m your boyfriend? Who they’re making a sign for and shit?”

“Well, to be honest… We’re not really allowed to be talking about our personal life—”

“Bullshit.”

“Language,” you warn him. 

He kisses you in apology. 

“My bad,” he pouts. “Come on, ___. You’ve talked about me to them, haven’t you?”

You laugh, not quite understanding why he’s suddenly getting so heated about this. Sure, you’ve mentioned him once or twice.. How could you not? You’ve been in love with Yoongi for so long; it’s practically second nature to you. “Why do you care so much?”

Yoongi huffs, letting go of you. In a stiff manner, he shrugs. “I mean… The sign was made by them, right? They must know about me.”

“Umm, sure,” you roll your eyes. It’s not like this was turning into an argument or anything… But it’s just such an odd direction for the conversation to be going. “Aki, they’re a bunch of 3-year-olds. What does it matter if they know about you or not? I just asked them to help me make a sign because I was running out of time—”

“Do they ever ask you about marrying me?”

Your eyes widen. 

“What? No!”

Yoongi blinks. 

“Do you not want to marry me?” Yoongi crosses his arms, leaning against the kitchen counter. His chest tightens as he begins to feel offended. “Why’d you answer like that?”

“Like what?” you slightly panic. 

All his words are so new to you. He’s never been this straightforward… Or has he? Have you simply missed how seamless and blunt his words have been because you’ve been so into him? Suddenly, you can’t think straight. Now, you’re really confused. 

Was he getting angry?

Was he hurt?

From what? What did you say that’s triggering his reaction? You try to run it back, but it’s too late. Yoongi takes a step back and asks; “do you not want to marry me?”

You’re tongue-tied, unable to answer him. 

He scoffs. “You’re so fucking annoying.”

“Woah,” you instantly feel offended. “You can’t just bring up marrying me and then call me annoying for needing time to process what you just asked me!”

“Why do you need time to answer it? It’s yes or no. Do you want to marry me or not?”

You glare at him. “Are you proposing?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t need to answer right now… And honestly? You could tone down the intense attitude. We haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks… Why can’t we just have a nice evening together?”

Yoongi sighs, slightly feeling more flustered. He takes a deep breath and surrenders to the feeling of hurt. 

“I think I’m gonna crash at Hobi’s tonight.”

“What?” you groan in disbelief. Is he actually serious? “Yoongi, this is your apartment. You won that stupid rock, paper, scissors game and I’m here. I had to switch my shift for tomorrow to be here with you and now what? You’re just going to leave me here?”

… And before Yoongi can think of a proper response to deflate or change the course this moment; he lets his sharp words cut through his lips. “Well, pardon me for not being in the mood to spend the rest of my evening with someone who I thought saw a future with me… Kind of a mood killer, you know? When your girlfriend is practically dating you to break up.” 

“I never said—”

“Drop it, ___. It’s whatever.”

Your face softens and you can’t help but tear up. His anger feels sharp and abrupt. 

“What now? Did I fuck up again?” Yoongi says coldly. 

You shake your head, eyes fluttering the tears away. “No, it’s okay. I know you’re upset.. But it’s Ace, you know? You always call me Ace. I haven’t heard you say my name in a while. It’s like you’re actually mad at me or something..”

Yoongi stays silent. 

You never expected this. 

A whole week passes by and the most that has happened between you and Yoongi since are pathetic “good morning” and “good night” text messages. You two avoid each other and barely replied in the group chats. You’ve picked up extra shifts and Yoongi has been spending most of his time with the guys, with his brother, or alone. Thank god he warned the guys not to reach out to you regarding the argument.. Yoongi knows he was wrong to get so heated up so quickly… But also, he knows deep down his feelings were valid. 

It’s so stupid. 

The way he has been handling this entire thing is so fucking lame. He knows it and you know it. You both are acting like such babies—unwilling to communicate and understand each other. To be fair; you two have never reached the part of an argument where it actually made one another upset. This was the first time and it’s honestly the worst fucking thing you two have gone through. 

It’s sickening. 

It’s painful waiting for his calls and missing his daily updates… Avoiding eye contact and hesitating to hold your hand when you two are around each other. It doesn’t help that you can’t even remember the last time you two kissed and held each other since his arrival home. It has practically been a month since you two have been together together. 

Now it all aches. 

It hurt him to think that you couldn’t see a future with him when he knows his future is you. It ached so much to see the way your face went blank… Why were you unsure? Has he not given you all the reassurance you need? Has he not been doing enough? Was the 3 for 3 not good enough? … Rather, will he ever be good enough?

All these questions flooded his mind from morning to night. He waits for your reply every day and wonders if he should just swallow his pride and be the first to yield. 

This was your first disagreement as a couple and he isn’t too sure how to navigate through it. What is he supposed to do? His past relationships were never as dramatic as this.. Well, truth be told; he didn’t really care about his exes as much as he cares about you. Dramatic or not, the feelings were real and all more of the reason to push forward with begging for forgiveness. 

Begging to be yours. 

Begging to be loved. 

So what now? Does he surprise you with a significant gesture and make a bunch of promises that he knows are half-assed? In a sense, he was still angry. However, Yoongi knows better. His anger can’t be the reason he loses you.. And as we all know; Min Yoongi is a sore loser. 

Forever, Yoongi will refuse to lose you. 

The mere idea of dating you only for you two to break up… Sickening. He would rather crawl to you than walk away. As this realization hits him, he rushes inside his apartment and then into his room. He should go see you. 

Now. 

He has to see you now.

Yoongi doesn’t know where you are. 

At first, he had a few ideas of where you could be. At your apartment, in the library, or at the pool watching Jungkook’s swim practice.. He runs around campus desperate to find you. In all honesty, the speech he had prepared got lost along the way. As he hurriedly searches for you, the only words that ring are: it doesn’t end here. 

We don’t end here.

I love you—

You. 

Yoongi sees you sitting on the same bench you pitched three for three. You’re swinging your legs, watching the morning waves crash against the shore. He soaks in the sight of you looking so at peace. He loves how pretty you are from a far.

And then it hits him: he’s so lucky to love you.

It’s truly a privilege to love you because of everything you are. His anger and all the reasons he had gaslit himself into self-sabotaging your love for him—the extension of your beauty… It was so fucking wrong. Maybe he got too comfortable believing that he had you. Maybe he was too mesmerized with the idea of you two lasting forever that he forgot to even fucking ask it. 

He was wrong. 

He should’ve asked first. 

… But that’s the thing about being in love; you have faith. You believe in everything about the person you love. You believe in the good and that the universe sees you well enough to bless you forever. You believe in all the shooting stars and wishful thinking… You believe in forever when you meet the one that makes forever feel like it’s not enough.. But, you’d take it anyway. 

Drowning in his thoughts, Yoongi stands still and practically zones out. Meanwhile, from the corner of your eye, you see him. You see him standing there with the most devastated and desperate look on his face. Then, his eyes flicker to you. 

Your eyes meet and lock. His are glossy with tears building up. Even from a far, you can tell he has horrible eye bags. Perhaps, he hasn’t been sleeping well at night. Overall, he looks like a mess. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and your favourite white FOG shirt he owns. Even so… He looks restless. 

For his sake, you pretend not to see him. You turn back and watch the sea. Sitting in silence, you take deep breaths as you feel him walking toward you. You’re sure he’s here now but you don’t want to say anything. 

What could you say?

And it’s weird because you’d expect him to clear his throat and speak.. But he doesn’t. No, he stays silent. Yoongi also doesn’t sit down next to you. Instead, he stands a few feet away and watches the waves kiss the shore. 

Never has he ever felt so jealous of the sea.

An hour and a half passed by since Yoongi found you and within this time: he stays silent.

He follows you around, trailing behind you like a fucking loser. His head is bowed down for the most part and he focuses on following your shoes. 

You don’t have any classes today so he finds it a little weird that you’re running around doing random shit. You aren’t buying anything or meeting up with anyone.. It just feels like you’re stalling. In a stupid way; he’s thankful you’re doing so.

He doesn’t say anything though.. Why would he? All the words he had prepared got lost as he followed you around. 

All of this simply angers you. 

The quiet moment shared between you two at the seaside bench was cute but now he’s just being fucking annoying. Is he serious? He blew up a week ago and now he can’t even apologize for leaving you alone that night? For how cold he’s been? For being the worst boyfriend ever? 

Oh my god. 

It pisses you off so much. For a man that’s such a sore loser; he surely isn’t doing much to win you over. 

That’s just it! All men do is lie. 

By now, your feet hurt and you’re too annoyed to keep playing whatever game this is. You pick up your pace and turn toward the direction of your apartment. 

Yoongi follows. 

Your irritated mood begins to cloud your thoughts. You can feel your frustration take over and you just know you can’t do this anymore. The silence, the sad puppy look on his face, and the simple fact that everything between you two just feels so paper thin—no. This is not it. This isn’t want you want. 

You pause and turn to him. 

He lifts his head and blinks at you slowly. Still, he stays silent. He doesn’t even greet you with a smile.. Nothing. What the fuck? What’s the point of any of this?

The fucking audacity of this man. 

“That’s it?”

Yoongi shrugs. 

“Coward,” you hiss. Taking a step forward, he follows your lead. You’re close enough to him to reach out and hit his chest with your fist. You don’t do anything. You stay still, just like him. In your head, you’re crying and he’s holding you. In your head, he’s already pouring his heart out and you’re mending everything back together. In your head; Yoongi is fighting for you. 

“Do you have anything to say?” you ask desperately. “You can’t do this, you know? You can’t ignore me for a week and then just show up and not say anything. You can’t follow me around like you care when you obviously don’t. What the hell, Yoongi? If it’s over, then just say it. Say it so I can go home and wonder why the fuck the universe gave me you just to lose you because I.. I’m falling apart here—I can’t—I don’t know what’s going on and you just spent like two hours not saying a single word to me. If you have nothing to say then fine! It’s over—I don’t fucking know what’s going on anymore. Do you?”

“Not really,” Yoongi reveals. “I love you.. That’s all I know.”

His hands are on your waist, guiding you through your own apartment.

Yoongi’s kisses have never felt so good. His lips are so addicting—you can’t stop kissing him back. As innocent as the kissing goes; you can’t say the same for his hands. Once on your waist, now slipped in between your panties and your skin. 

Your body shivers from his touch.

“Slow down,” you pull away from him; “I’m still mad at you.”

Lies.

“Good,” he snickers deviously, “hate sex sounds really good right now.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“I can change that.”

Without warning, Yoongi picks you up and throws you onto your bed. There, you watch him take off his jacket, his shirt, and then just as he’s about to take off his pants; you crawl to him. 

“Can I?”

Yoongi fights for his life to stay calm and cool. He succeeds as he lets out two words: “say please.”

In response, you glare at him. “You want me to say please when you’re about to get head—”

No warning. 

Yoongi tugs his sweatpants down and grabs a handful of your hair. He shoves his thick cock into your pretty mouth. It shuts you up immediately. The moment you feel his velvety skin in your mouth, you moan at the taste of his precum on your mouth. Yoongi throws his head back from the relief and literal pleasure of your warm mouth wrapped around him. In contrast to his initial action, Yoongi thrusts in gently. His tip hits the back of your throat and you gag—tears triggered. You suck him as he moves back and forth. It makes him weak. How are you so fucking pretty while you do the dirtiest thing? He doesn’t know if he hates himself or not… How could he be doing this to you? At the same time, how could he not? 

He’s wanted this for so long. He missed you so fucking much.

“Mhmm,” he moans, “hate me yet?” 

He pulls you away from his dick. You grab it with your hands and jerk him off. Tilting your head, you bat your eyes at him. You shake your head at him, “I love you, Aki.”

Yoongi’s heart collapses. With no time to waste, he bends down and kisses you deeply. “I love you too, Ace.”

Just as you’re about to continue, Yoongi shifts you to lie down. Though a little confused, you follow his lead. “Wait, I wasn’t done sucking your—”

“I need you,” Yoongi confesses so sinfully. There’s truth in his voice. The kind that feels urgent and “I need you more than you need me.. Please, ___.”

You nod, fully understanding what he wants. 

Laying on your back, you spread your legs for him. He assists you and helps you take off your pants. He tosses them aside before running his thumb on the band of your panties. For a moment, his hands roam around you. He runs his thumb against your heat before pushing them aside to see you bare. 

“Just take them off,” you advise him. He rolls his eyes at you. 

“I have a thing for your panties, Ace.. Holy shit, give me a fucking minute.” Yoongi hisses his words and it makes you laugh. “Don’t fucking laugh, you cockslut.”

“I’ll stop laughing when you finally fuck me.”

“Be patient.”

You cross your arms at him.

“Aren’t you the one that said you need me—oh my god!” you gasp, feeling yourself begin to throb at the feeling of Yoongi’s spit running down your folds. He smirks at how fast you shut up. Yoongi then takes off your panties entirely and then spreads your legs in front of him. 

He jerks himself off a few times before hitting his hard cock against your pussy. Your breath hitches when he does so. “Are you wet enough?” he asks with no intention of waiting for your reply. He uses his thumb and index finger to spread your folds and judges for himself. He then spits again and massages it into your wet pussy. “Better?”

You nod, unable to answer. “Don’t finger me,” you beg. “Just fuck me, okay?”

“You don’t want me to finger you? How about I at least eat you out first—”

“You didn’t let me finish giving you a blowjob!”

Yoongi laughs, “I would’ve fucking nutted so hard in your mouth if I had let you suck it for one more second. Come on, Ace! I love eating you out. I want to make you feel good—”

“You’re not being fair,” you whine. “I want to make you feel good too.” 

“You do more than enough—fuck. Wow. Okay. Rude! Don’t be a bitch.”

You took off your top.

Now, he’s distracted by your plump breast. In all honesty, his favourite thing is to watch your boobs bounce when you two fuck. Whether it’s missionary and he’s on top of you; listening to your soft moans and lewd praises or if you were riding him; heavily breathing and concentrating on getting yourself off… He loves it.

He fucking loves it all. 

And so be it. 

Yoongi gives in. You smile in pure happiness as he gulps and settles himself in between your legs. He pushes himself inside and you moan in relief. 

Fucking finally.

It’s been too long. 

Yoongi thrusts in and out, completely melting in how good it feels to fuck you raw. He watches intensely as your breast move up and down from his thrusts. He looks at you and your stupid fuck me eyes that have him weak. All he knows is that he’s yours. His entire existence is because of you—because of moments like these where he is completely and utterly yours. 

As he fucks you, all he can think about is how much he loves you. How this is what home feels like—how good life actually is. It’s you. Everything good in his life is connected to you. It completely tears him apart. 

The more emotional he gets as he processes his feelings, the harder he fucks you. Soon, you’re moaning like never before. He fucks you so good that the bed practically shakes and your entire world begins to spin. He sits up more and grabs one of your breasts to help himself stabilize. As he continues to fuck you, all you can do is whine his name. 

When you reach your climax, you cream all over his cock. He doesn’t stop there though. No, he keeps on going. He keeps on going until he can’t take it anymore and his body collapses and falls on top of yours. There, you wrap your arms and legs around him. Sloppily, he finishes inside you. 

“My universe,” he whimpers, “you’re my universe.”

It’s a dewy rainy morning. 

Your bedroom window is open and the cloudy sky only makes your empty room feel gloomier. 

You woke up naked and alone. After the third round—because you’d be a complete idiot to think that Yoongi would call it a night after one round—you had fallen asleep next to the love of your life. 

Where is he now?

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt to wake up alone. Was all of that… Just break up sex? It couldn’t be! In between rounds, you and Yoongi found it in yourselves to make jokes and basically sink into your old vibes… No way did he just leave you. 

You gather your sheets and prepare to get up. Just as you’re about to, Yoongi comes out of the washroom. His hair is a little damp and he’s only wearing his sweatpants. 

Oh, what a sight. 

You squint at him and rub your eyes. “I thought you left.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he laughs, throwing his shirt at you. It lands on top of your head. Taking it, you put it on drop your sheets. 

“Can you pass me my panties please?”

Yoongi leans against your bathroom doorframe and shakes his head. “Nah.”

“Don’t be a dick—”

“Round four?”

You laugh. “You haven’t even said sorry yet and you think you can sneak in a forth round?”

Yoongi shrugs at you nonchalantly. “I snuck in three rounds last night… What’s another three? Three for three.” He mocks you. 

You stick your tongue out at him. 

Silence falls between you two as the sound of gradual raindrops hit your window. You turn your head and watch the rain begin to fall. 

“Didn’t know it was going to rain… Isn’t it the middle of summer? Kinda strange, don’t you think—”

“I’m sorry.” 

Yoongi folds. 

You turn back to him and see he’s on his knees before you. His head, just like yesterday, hangs low. 

“I overreacted. I felt like I was losing you. I was so stubborn and defensive that I ended up fighting for my pride rather than us… ___,” he pauses and lifts his head. “I’ve never been in love like this before. I never knew how much my feelings could consume me and how much I want us to work out. I was trying to fight for us. I know my words aren’t much; but I hope asking is enough.. I’ll be better. I’ll be so good to you from now on, I swear… The jealousy and insecurities I have… I’m so messed up sometimes—I know… But I’m trying to be good enough to stay in your orbit.”

“Yoongi—“

“I was trying to pitch forever with you and I didn’t even give you a fair chance to accept or decline—”

“I would’ve said yes,” you interrupt him. “If you had asked properly; the answer is yes. Of course, I’d marry you… In due time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I’d have to introduce you to my preschoolers first but I’m sure you’ll win them over super fast—”

“Be serious.”

“I am!” you laugh, patting the spot next to you for him to join. He gets up and sits beside you. “I think we were just caught up in the moment. We were separated for a hot minute—I feel like it was just… Miscommunication? We can work on it. We’ll just have to be more patient with one another and maybe not ignore each other for a week?” 

Yoongi sighs and nods. “I still feel really shitty about everything.”

“Good,” you tease him as you cup his cheeks with the palm of your hands. He kisses them before resting in your embrace. “Make it up to me someday.”

“... Did you do it?”

“No.”

He stares at the ring box he purchased with his brother during his trip to the States. The engagement ring you had not-so-secretly pinned on your Pinterst board was only available in the States.. Of course, because the universe was on his side; the trip and the ring’s time and location lined up. 

“I thought you were going to propose to her when you got back? If that stupid fight didn’t happen, we would’ve been having a different conversation right now. Did you guys even make up?” Yoongi’s brothers voice echoes in the call. “You dragged me to that fucking store and had me pick out details for like twenty rings!”

Yoongi sighs as he closes the ring box and shoves it inside his desk. Truth be told.. He wasn’t planning to propose to you yet. He just wanted the ring ready for when the time comes. 

“Someday,” Yoongi promises. “I’ll make it up to her someday in our forever.”

[arc852]

I saw your tags on my last post, so here goes.

So, around this time in 2019, a G/t friend told me that there was a con for kaiju movies three hours' drive away from me, that - while it wasn't for G/t, had adopted the G/t community as sort of, valid alternative guests due to some drama relating to our own con. And how at this con, my friend told me that they'd even cracked a few G/t eggs among the regular guests.

Because of this, I formally told my parents about my interest in G/t and explained that I wanted to go to the con next year. Considering that I found out about this con in 2019, I think you can guess that this didn't end up happening, lol.

I had avoided telling my parents I liked G/t partially because my mother was very judgey, but also because my parents are the kind of people who, if you give them a gift idea with specific detail, might remember the general idea but not the specifics. Stuff like, telling them that you got yourself a Switch and getting you games would be a great gift, only to end up getting Xbox games in your stocking or something (my parents are actually good about consoles, this is just a general example). So I was worried that if they knew I liked G/t they'd remember I liked size difference but not the direction I leaned, and end up getting like, "Attack of the 50-Foot Woman" posters that would make me feel size dysphoria.

But, surprisingly, my parents knowing I liked G/t basically lead to nothing. Like, actually nothing for three years, to the point that I wondered if they forgot.

That was until Thanksgiving 2022. I was visiting their house for a family hangout, but all my siblings had gone out of the house to do something I didn't care about. My parents were in the living room watching American Horror Story. And I needed a haircut sometime before Christmas.

So I went upstairs with intent to ask Dad about getting a haircut. But they were very invested in the show, so I didn't want to disturb them. I sat down on the couch and started watching with them just because otherwise the wait would be boring.

But every time a commercial started, Dad would immediately get up and go do something he had to do for preparing the house for Christmas decorations, so it ended up taking me an hour or two before I was able to ask him basically, "before I go home tomorrow, can I get a haircut?"

I get the answer to my question, thank them, and head back downstairs to go chat with some online friends. And as I'm heading downstairs, I overhear this exchange:

Mom: "Did something happen? He seemed kinda invested in the show, why'd he suddenly leave." Dad: "Well, considering his tastes, I imagine that last episode was quite traumatic." Mom: "O-oh."

The episode in question was one in which the shortest woman alive had been killed and taxidermized into being a museum exhibit. So hearing that coming from Dad, while it wasn't the reason I had left, still felt very validating because no, he's right. She wasn't actually tiny but she still was sort of G/t within the context of the show. Her death is traumatic, and thank you for remembering G/t but not making it weird.

That next morning I woke up to Dad going through my clothes and looking specifically at my favorite sweatshirt for the size - since I personally had owned it for a decade and it had belonged to my younger brother for a few years before that, it was definitely falling apart, so I think they were considering getting me a new sweatshirt - so I wondered if he'd maybe put two-and-two together to figure out why this was my favorite sweatshirt (the pockets are positioned perfectly for holding tinies comfortably), but when I relayed this information to my then-gf she was like "his brain isn't wired for G/t, he's not gonna realize it. Last night is the best you're probably going to get."

I think it's really cool that your parents didn't make you liking G/t anything weird and instead were looking out for you.

[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 14 - The Place Where He Inserted The Knife

WARNING ⚠️ this chapter contains in depth discussion of disordered eating , please feel free to skip out if you think it necessary to.

prev - chapter 1

"I mean..." Jeanne winced a little as he spoke, his eyes fixated on the tea in front of him he stirred, "It's... It could be a possibility."

The shifter groaned in both despair and defeat, the absolute need for his theory to be validated being his top priority.

"Come on," He pouted,  "I don't see any other explanation for all of this." Hosah leant in closer across the table for two, his eyebrows angled down as his eyes stared wide in anticipation for a response which he actually wanted to hear.

Jeanne shrugged, "I don't know, give it more time. They've only been outwardly pestering you for what, two, three weeks now?"

"So what, you just want me to sit and wait for it to escalate?" There was a certain kind of distress in Hosah's voice, one partly mixed with disbelief.

"That's what the police force told you, no?" Suddenly, Jeanne's blunt and nonchalant attitude had become extremely aggravating.

This wasn't the place to argue, though. The tea house was somewhere Hosah and his superior frequented, despite the shifters blatant preference towards coffee. Even though he never actually bought anything, the little hole in the wall parlour was a very enjoyable place to be, with the light coloured decor and pretty rococo aesthetics, it was certainly not the kind of place you'd want to be having verbal battles in.

Instead, Hosah slumped back into his intricately carved wooden chair in absolute defeat. The reactions he'd received from the proposal that the whole 'stalker situation' was just a red herring had made him doubt himself far more than he already did. If he didn't feel like a crazy person before, he definitely did now.

Sit and wait until your life is at risk. That was the advice the police force had given Hosah and his team when they brought all of the evidence of extensive stalking to their door. They were working alongside the agency on these strings of missing people and murders, surely they would know far too well how dangerous this individual was.

The shifter had seen it happen hundreds of times before. People just like himself would go to those who were supposed to protect them, only to be turned away because the threat isn't serious enough, and almost every time he'd seen it happen, those in his situation would be dead by the end of it. Hosah thought it'd be different for him. Having working in law, he thought maybe, just maybe, he'd be taken more seriously, but he wasn't. 'Sure, they've been inside of your home, but they've never made a threat against your life' was essentially what the shifter was told.

"I think you should request some time off," Jeanne's eyes finally met Hosah's as he spoke, "Go home, see your family, spend some time away from.." He waved his hands by the side of his head, although it didn't really help convey the message he was trying to send, "..all of this."

"That would be admitting defeat."

Jeanne took a moment before laughing in confusion, "If that's how you look at it." He shrugged.

The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while, the quiet and peaceful atmosphere of the tearoom being a complete contrast to the previous weeks of the detective's lives. Despite this, Jeanne still looked like there was something on his mind. Something itching away at him, something that he clearly wanted to say, but was holding himself back for whatever reason.

"So.." The senior detective began, "You've moved into Edward's apartment now, right?"

Although the question seemed normal and mundane enough, the look on the almost ghostly pale detective's face said otherwise, as if he was bracing for impact from whatever Hosah would respond with.

"Yep." The contrastingly warm toned and tanned detective sitting opposite to Jeanne answered bluntly.

Hosah and Jeanne couldn't have looked less alike from each other. Complete polar opposites, the shifter's senior being particularly boy-ish, with rounded features and a short stature, his hair so black that in direct sunlight, it almost looked as if it were purple, distinctly standing out against his cool toned, icy white, almost porcelain skin. Hosah however, was a completely different story.

He had always been the darkest in his family, a trait his father told him must've been passed down from his late uncle, and everyone always pegged him as just a few years older than he really was with his facial bone structure being so sharp it made him look sort of sunken in. The people surrounding them in the tea house were probably perplexed to see such a sight, two individuals, nothing alike from each other on the surface, but with so many similarities and differences that perfectly balanced them out, a formula for the most ideal friendship.

"Are you happy?" Jeanne spoke, his expression having shifted to a much more relaxed, but still serious look.

The question caught the shifter completely off guard, expecting a 'Oh, what's it like?', or a 'Hows it going for you?'. Whether he was happy or not was not something he'd really thought much about, leaving him stumped for a moment as he considered all the different factors.

Teddy was sweet. He was funny. He had a lot of interesting stories to tell, and the more he let Hosah into his life before they'd met, the more he wanted to know. He was thoughtful and could always tell when something was up, although given the shifter's perpetual inability to hide his emotions, just about anyone could tell when he was riled up by something.

Sure, the apartment was in a constant state of borderline hoarder levels of clutter, it wasn't in the nicest of areas right along the outskirts of the city, the neighbours banged on all night either throwing parties into the early hours of the morning or seemingly rearranging their entire interior layout every single day without fail, but Teddy made up for it in his presence.

Just being in the general vicinity of the read headed man was enough for Hosah, as he carried a sort of glow that couldn't be seen by the human eye, creating a subconscious sense of ease and protection to the people he surrounded himself with. Hosah thought himself to be lucky to end up in such a situation. Forced proximity with a guy that fit his type to a T, it was all too perfect, like a romance novel or an idealistic dream.

".. Yeah." Hosah finally responded, although his answer was clear the second he began to really consider the question as a smile unknowingly spread wide across his face.

-~-

The shifter had gotten so carried away during his break, he'd almost completely forgotten the date and his allotted appointment time. September nineteenth at two in the afternoon. Fuck.

With barely a minute to spare, Hosah headed straight to the clinic, practically running from the tea house to the station as to not turn up late and make a bad first impression.

As he stood, sweating palms from growing nerves clinging to the strap hanger, Hosah came to the realisation that this was his first time in weeks being away from Teddy for so long.

Just as he'd been told barely a week into their friendship, Teddy had a fear of being alone in the city, an irrational fear of getting himself lost, a situation that would not be helped or avoided by company but still provided comfort either way, and this phobia had began to rub off on the shifter.

Standing in solitude, Hosah could no longer think about whatever mundane tasks the people around him were getting up to after their shared journey, only the fact that any of them could be out to get him in some way. As much as he'd liked to tell himself that his situation wasn't all that scary, he had to admit he'd been becoming uncharacteristically paranoid lately.

It started with hearing his name in crowds, or thinking something in his head and hearing his exact thought, verbatim, repeated by someone in his surroundings, then it grew to convincing himself people were staring from all angles, that they were tailing him on his walk home, that they were setting up trackers on his things as he'd get up to use the bathroom of a cafe.

Hosah knew there was room for chance and coincidence, that he wasn't thinking straight and was seeing the worst in people, but who could blame him for thinking in such a way after reading almost a hundred hand written letters detailing his daily routine?

In that moment, all the shifter wanted to do was get off at the next stop and run until his legs gave out, but instead he just froze up, standing as still as he possibly could, just as he did all of those years ago. That was probably his biggest flaw. There was no fight or flight instinct within him, only freeze. And freeze was exactly what he did, time and time again. As much as he hated himself for it, it was all he knew.

From that moment onward, the shifters brain was entirely in autopilot. His mind so crowded by all of the different possibilities and outcomes from every step he took blocking out the sound of the real world, making him dangerously unaware of his surroundings.

By a miracle, Hosah had managed to find his way to the clinic without being harmed. The waiting room was a pristine white from floor to ceiling, unlike his usual doctors office. The only thing that stood out against the minimalist decor was a sort of memorial display at the very front where a TV or a children's bead maze would usually be.

The lady in the portrait shone, clearly a part of some kind of orchestra as she held an instrument Hosah couldn't quite identify. Without even noticing, he'd gotten up to read the plaque, getting a closer look at the picture that hung proudly in the centre of the reception.

Kathleen 'Kat' Fatola-Aronov , beloved wife and mother, taken from us too soon. June 1st 1965 -  December 24th 2005.

The lady in the portrait and Hosah shared the same birthday, he noted.

The display saddened the shifter as the console table beneath the portrait had its entire surface covered with fresh flowers and cards. He didn't dare to read them, already feeling as though he were peering into someone else's life, being almost as invasive as the stalker that followed him so closely.

Grief was not something Hosah was well acquainted with, but standing here and seeing the memory of this woman he didn't even know existed until walking into the clinic, he still felt a sense of sadness, but also one of relief and gratefulness. Kat's smile in the portrait was a very bright one, a look of pure love and joy captured to beautifully. She was a very pretty lady, her hair styled in the classically timeless 1930's finger waves and her makeup done in a similar aesthetic. Hosah had always had an appreciation for this era of fashion, so seeing it done so perfectly and in such a beautiful way aided in his sympathy for the truly unknown woman.

"That's my late wife." A loud, baritone voice appeared seemingly out of nowhere, a man no younger than fourty five stood almost directly behind the shifter.

Hosah wasn't really sure what to say, too taken aback by the sudden voice, only able to mutter a quiet 'I'm sorry'.

The man behind him was tall, but not quite as tall as Teddy. His figure was remarkably rectangular, his shoulders as broad as his feet were big, although his legs were long and slim in contrast. The badge on his coat read 'Doctor Aronov'. This was the man Hosah had come to see.

Rather than dragging on the topic, Doctor Aronov held out a wide, coarse hand, "You must be Detective Seung-Levi. I'm so pleased to be able to speak with you."

The way he phrased it, it sounded much more like a casual chat over coffee than a therapy session.

"It's just Levi, Seung is a middle name." Hosah corrected the doctor. Weird. Nobody had ever made that mistake before. In fact, nobody, including himself, really took notice of his middle name. Aside from his mother who picked it, of course.

"Ah, apologies, Detective Levi," The doctor began to walk away, encouraging Hosah to do the same, as he clarified, "Follow me this way,"

The clinic was weird, if anything. There was a front desk at the reception, but nobody sat at it. The overhead lights didn't buzz or have the yellow eyesore hue that was such a common factor amongst these kinds of settings. The furniture was all pristine, not a single sign of wear and tear on any aspect of the waiting area at all. It was almost as if it were a blank canvas, the only kinds of colour sticking out being Kat's memorial and all the flowers left out for her.

Doctor Aronov's office was no different, a glass table without a single smudge sat in the middle, with two large, leather beige arm chairs at either side. Hosah took a seat as the doctor's expectant eyes silently offered him one.

The shifter knew what to expect as he sat. An hour or so of his brain being put under a microscope as someone pushed and probed for more detail on all of his least favourite memories just so they could piece together an answer for why Hosah was the way he was. He'd always particularly hated these kinds of things. Physically being poked and prodded at was one thing, but his mind was an entirely different story. Living inside of his head was his only escape, and by any means necessary would it be a place where he and only he could go.

"Just to make sure we're on the same page," The doctor traced his finger along the bookshelf behind him before seemingly finding the correct file, "Why do you think you're here?"

The question was stupid. He knew why Hosah had come, it wasn't from his own fruition, he knew Hosah's personal doctor had called and arranged for the two to have an appointment together, which is probably why it took the shifter so long to come up with a response.

"I.. can't gain any weight, only loose it. And my doctor thinks it's more a mental problem than a physical one." That was the least of it.

In the time between his last check up and his appointment today, Hosah had spent a lot of time thinking it over. Doctor White was completely right in thinking such a thing, the shifter's attitude and behaviours were concerning at best, and completely self destructive at worst. It was true, there was probably something mentally wrong with Hosah that made him act this way around food and general eating patterns.

"Do you agree? Do you think it's a mental problem?" The Doctor's continued prolonged eye contact had become increasingly uncomfortable by this point.

Hosah wasn't sure if he was supposed to say his answer out loud.

"I mean..." The shifter debated whether he should tell the truth or not for a few more seconds, "At first I was really defensive, I'm an almost thirty year old man, not really the type of person you'd expect to have an.." He really didn't want to finish the sentence. Saying it out loud would make it all real.

"An eating disorder?" Doctor Aronov completed the sentence for him, with a sort of sickly sweet smile on his face as he said it, as if he found pleasure in handing out these kinds of diagnoses.

Hosah shrugged, "I guess so."

"You see," The doctor started in a sigh,

"We have this idea of eating disorders, that it's about wanting to look a certain way, or that it's an inherently female problem, but it's rarely about intentional weight loss at all, most people find themselves in these kinds of states because it gives them a sense of control. They can't control the events happening to them in their daily lives, but what they eat, that's what they have full control over. Most don't even realise they're doing it. It's not always the case, but it's, more often than not, how it manifests."

Hosah was looked at expectantly, but he had nothing to say. What Doctor Aronov had just described felt like an invasive look at the inside of the shifters brain, putting the parts he didn't even understand himself perfectly into words.

As if his privacy didn't feel violated enough with all that had been going on, this just had to be the icing on the cake.

He was right, through and through, every word described Hosah's experience almost exactly. No control. No realisation that he'd even been doing it. Over the past week or so, he hadn't really been counting the days as they'd all been blending together, since his last appointment, Hosah had taken to psychoanalysing his interactions with food. When Teddy made him dinner and he just couldn't eat it no matter how badly he wanted to. When he'd find himself swirling the same loaded fork around and moving everything across his plate to make it look touched, only to have not had a single mouthful. It was all too much.

By this point, the shifter had gone eerily silent, not even a breath could be heard as he'd been holding it in, his shoulders tense as he gripped each arm of the chair as if he were going to fall right off of it. Hosah's clammy hands were sure to imprint on the leather as he had his soundless breakdown.

"I know self-disclosure isn't always preferred to share so sparingly by people in my field, but, you can't always tell just by looking at someone what they could be going through." Hosah tried his best to listen, but honestly, his ears rang with a sharp buzz, making it hard to hear anything at all.

Still, although the shifter remained with his eyes fixed on the doctor's pointed dress shoes rather on at least his face, he continued,

"Kat, the lady with the memorial you were looking at, she's my wife. Was my wife, at least. She seemed to be healthy and happy on the outside, but even though her weight was normal, it still got the best of her. She tried to get help on her own but these kinds of recovery facilities, going impatient and what-not, that was reserved for what they consider emergencies,"

Doctor Aronov's slim square glasses began to fog up, his voice much more glum and serious,

"She suffered a heart failure, since she hadn't been eating right, or, really eating at all. She didn't look like she had an eating disorder, on the outside she seemed so... Nobody knew. I didn't even notice until I had no time left to help her. That's why I went back to school and chose to specialise in this particular range of disorders. People are suffering even when they're not physically showing it. And I wanted to help them. Will you let me help you, Hosah?"

Hosah could barely think through what he'd just been told before he found himself nodding.

"Do.. Do you think one particular event, just- just one, can change the outcome of someone's life, dictating how they think and all the choices they make, forever?" The words poured out of the shifters mouth like a broken faucet, unable to stop himself even as his eyes stayed locked on the floor under him.

Doctor Aronov laughed, although it wasn't as comforting as he'd probably hoped it'd be, "That's usually what happens, yes. You think one event in particular is influencing you now, to get to this point?" he asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

The doctor was middle aged, maybe a little older, clean shaven with a noticeable, some sort of slavic, accent. His hair had begun to go grey, although his head seemed to still be full of it, as it was gelled back similar to how it'd be commonly styled in the 1930's, almost in matching fashion with how his late wife used to present herself. A particularly vintage looking couple, despite it being the 2000's now.

Speaking to another man about this kind of thing was definitely uncomfortable. Hosah wasn't sure whether he even wanted to continue on, as he didn't want to feel emasculated any more than just the event itself had made him feel ever since the day it happened. He'd already started now, and if he didn't elaborate in the moment, he'd just have to do it later.

".. Something happened to me when I was, what, maybe sixteen, but probably more like fifteen, I... It's always playing back in my head. When I close my eyes. When I hear a certain sound, smell something in particular, when the lights are that specific yellow shade, seeing a similar interior layout, I feel like I'm always back in that room." Hosah began, his hands now in tight, almost shaking fists as his eyes became blurry as they glossed over with a tear.

-~-

When the shifter stepped outside of the clinic, the particularly windy autumn day being as chilly as ever as he'd forgotten his big coat at the apartment, his eyes were instantly met with the familiar yellow vehicle, a man he could recognise in even the most crowded of rooms stood outside of it, waving him over to come get in alongside him.

Doing as he was told, Hosah half ran to the car, fighting the urge to just dive straight into Teddy's arms, shrinking down in an instant to just the size of about his thumb and a half, but instead, he settled for an extended pat on the shoulder from the significantly taller figure.

"How'd it go?" Teddy asked, opening the door for his roommate like the gentleman he was.

Hosah wished the vehicle was already moving at this point so he could show his disdain for the question through a simple yet effective tuck and roll,

"As good as anything like that can get, I guess," He didn't really want to talk about it.

Although Hosah's gaze had long shifted to the mundane view out of the window, Teddy's eyes stayed fixed at the smaller figure, unable to look away as he feared the shifter would disappear upon doing so. It was hard to not reach out and run his hands through the freshly cut and bleached hair as he did once before.

The clouds were a particularly dull grey, preparing for a melancholic down pour, quite fitting for the shifter's current situation. He couldn't stick to one thought, as his mind bounced from question to question, overthinking every little aspect of, what he assumed to be, his unremarkably normal behaviour.

Particularly, he thought of all the things he could've done differently. Maybe if he did one, tiny, meaningless thing differently, he wouldn't be this way. Things would be better. Or, on the other hand, there was the bleak idea that no matter what he did or what choices he made, he'd always have ended up this way, in this taxi, with Teddy.

It didn't take long before the two arrived back at Teddy's apartment. Or, their apartment now. The thought made him sick. It truly was theirs. All Hosah's stuff was here now, he was going to officially move out as soon as Jules got her shit together with the contract, and it was terrifying. Hosah had never been in a real relationship, not that this was anything more than two people making the best out of what they had in their current situation, and the commitment of actually, really sharing a space was truly nauseating.

Quite frankly, after the day Hosah had just had, he couldn't take it anymore. The sudden urge to retch sent him straight to the bathroom, no time to shut the door behind him, as, the lack of, his stomach contents came up and out into the toilet bowl.

Teddy followed closely behind, panic in his speedy steps and stuttering voice, "Woah- woah, what's wrong?"

"Just.." Hosah could barely get his words out as his insides kept bubbling back up his throat, "Just coming down with something."

If coming to terms with the everlasting effects of his trauma counted as a disease, Hosah was bedridden with it.

Instead of leaving him to it as a part of him wished Teddy did, the taller of the two stayed by his side, sitting on the cold tiled floor beside him, brushing the ash blond hair out of his face as he went back and fourth between retching and endlessly salivating. Gross. Teddy didn't deserve to see him like this, it was far too humiliating. At least his hoarse and hushed 'It's okay'-s were quite comforting.

"I... I need a bath." Was all Hosah could muster with the mix of saliva and stomach bile still lingering in the back of his throat.

Teddy didn't even pause for breath as he instantly turned toward the tub he was leaning against half a second earlier, preparing it for the shifter as soon as the words had left his mouth.

If he weren't in such a vulnerable state, both physically and emotionally, Hosah wouldn't have even dreamed of asking such a thing from his roommate, but alas, he was in that kind of situation where all he could do was reach his arms out and practically cry for someone's, anyone's, attention and affection.

"Can you help me wash my hair again?" The shifter asked, his words clear, without hesitation. It was this kind of direct request from his roommate that Teddy could not deny.

Hosah had come to learn to not be embarrassed when naked in front of others. He'd had countless support workers insist he needed help with washing himself all throughout his teenage years, and saying he was sexually inexperienced would've just been an outward lie. The shifter really wasn't insecure because he was out in the open, because he was physically in a very vulnerable situation that could easily turn sour if Teddy so wished it to, but more self conscious about the state his body was in, his ribs poking out around his chest all the way until his stomach con-caved, his hips sticking out as if they were out of place.

At his best, he looked like he'd never had a full meal in his life, and at his worst, he looked like he'd been addicted to meth since birth. Although both were fairly accurate, exaggerated but not entirely false, they weren't exactly desirable things to be compared to. Hosah wondered if his roommate were disgusted with him, if he felt just as nauseous as he did seeing the shifter throw his guts up when seeing him without a protective layer of clothing hiding his true form.

Deciding he'd add it to the long list of things to dwell on, Hosah got into the water without a second thought, enjoying the hot steam as it seeped into his pores, filling every gaping hole in his body with the warm, comforting feeling of the slow boiling of his own body. It was piping hot, just as he liked it. He wondered if Teddy had noticed that fact when bathing in the wooden bowl before.

The fact Teddy did all of this without question, without any hesitation, without judgement, was a comforting one. That's just the person he is, though. A caretaker. He'd see something he could nurse back to health and he'd jump at the opportunity to. A little dehumanising at times, but over all a good trait to have, especially when it applies to the shifter.

"Tell me a story," Hosah requested, his head leaning into the gentle massaging of the soap in his hair, Teddy's fingers moving in perfectly synchronised circular motions.

Teddy hadn't spoken much since they'd gotten back, which was a shame, since he had such an enjoyable voice and general way of speaking, "What kind of story?" he asked.

"About Italy. Tell me about Italy," The delicate kneading of Hosah's scalp was almost sending him straight to sleep.

"Well," Teddy started, "During the summer, when I wasn't at school, I'd stay on my grandparents farm. It was like three or four miles out from the nearest little town, so there would just be great long stretches of pastures to bike down, I'd take a book or two and me and my sister would go down to the river, once we'd finished all of our work, of course."

Hosah sighed dreamily, the steam fogging up every mirror and every window in the room, the only lighting being the little lamp that sat on top of the toilet and the overhead hallway light creeping in under the door frame,

"Sounds nice." The shifter added.

"It was nice," Teddy had paused moving his hand to recollect the memory, "I could probably find that river again with my eyes closed. We'd swim when the current was gentle, but usually we'd just sit and read by it in silence. A good sort of silence though. Just.. quietly enjoying each others company."

"Reminds me of my cabin. The one I told you about." Hosah turned his head to face his roommate as he began, "I'd be willing to compromise if Colorado isn't really your thing. Anywhere out of this city is good, as long as there's somewhere I can paint and fish."

"We'll see when it comes down to it," Teddy mumbled, his hand gently guiding the shifters head to tilt back as he rinsed the soap out of his hair, combing through the short length with his fingers as he did so.

They could both probably get used to this life. As long as everything going on outside of the apartment were to disappear, at least.

[soursvgar]

could i please request mammon with a reader who has extreme anxiety, so at first they just followed him around like a duckling would its mother and always looked to him out of everyone for help with things?

~generally, theyre just obviously most comfortable with him and favor him most because of it; being more expressive and stuff around him while being more on the reserved, shy side with the rest of his brothers. id just imagine him pretending to be annoyed but secretly enjoying the attention lolol!

"It is the fear of the unknown that makes you stick to what's familiar, a sense of home in a foreign place."

Mammon x gn! reader (ft. Leviachan)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Home is a place for your heart to rest at ease, and in the depths of the devildom— it simply could not. It is quite the peculiar opportunity you were given, living among creatures who are different from you, and allegedly, stay protected. Perhaps even too good to be a real opportunity, but who can blame the human for fearing for their life? It is in fact, a constant worry for the fragile, feeble human race. It isn't a surprise that you had latched onto the nearest, closest form of a warm human connection you could've achieved in the short time upon your arrival.

Mammon is not like the others. Maybe it’s his withstanding patience, or maybe it’s the deep, intent gaze he's wearing every time you express even an inkling of fear, focusing on validating your emotions while simultaneously, assuring you of your guaranteed safety. With him by your side, you had almost forgotten of your whereabouts, and the creatures lurking around the corners, possibly just waiting for a moment you're alone. For this reason, letting him venture on his own, away from your vicinity, is something you are too afraid to do.

"Human, I told you to stop following me. It's too annoying, I have things to get to- places to be. I can't have ya on my arm all day like a lost puppy." Mammon mutters, shaking his head as you request to accompany him on his schedules. "Why don't ya go play with Levi or something?" He suggests, regretting it almost instantly when he notices your eyes drooping with dejection. However, this is a teaching moment for him, as he expects the rest of his brothers to protect you as well, and to develop some sort of a connection, or a sense of responsibility, at the very least. And with a heavy heart, he leaves.

You're unsure of what you're supposed to do; should you wait in your room, alone? Or is that a bit too- pathetic? You didn't want to use this word, but that is indeed the way you feel. You look down the dim hallway, wondering if you should take up on Mammon's suggestion. After all, he is in fact trying to help, right? And you should, eventually, step out of your shell, because it could be fun- maybe. Your legs are trembling as they lead you right outside the door of Leviathan's room, shaky fingers curl before they make contact with the cold, coated material.

"What is it?" The reply is immediate, flustering you as it sounds querulous enough to make you want to back away. Before you do, however, the door swings open, revealing an impatient looking demon- but his expression changes once he figures who's behind the door. "O-Oh, it's you. I thought it was one of my annoying brothers bothering me while I'm testing one of my new games." Say something, come on. You try to urge yourself, but the sounds just barely come out. "U-Um..." You stutter, hoping Levi doesn't shut the door in your face for taking too long to form a sentence.

"Do you... want to come in?" He offers, widening the gap between the door and it's frame as he gestures for you to enter. You thank him quietly and settle inside, the blue tint giving the room a strangely relaxing aura. "You like it? The colors?" Levi questions shyly, noticing your gaze being fixated on the decor.

It's a slightly awkward encounter to say the least, but if you already had to pick a brother to interact with while forcing yourself out of a crippling social anxiety, Levi is most likely a safe beginner's level choice as he's probably just as sheepish as you, if not more. Moreover, as soon as you start engaging with his hobbies, he does a big chunk of the talking, helping you ease into the situation and making you more comfortable around him by the minute. Perhaps Mammon knew what he was saying.

Time passes rather quickly. Engrossed in the flashing images on the screen, neither you or Levi pay attention when the door creaks open; at least not until an audible sigh is heaved, tearing your eyes away from the game the two of you bickered about. "You really are here..." Mammon breathes in relief. Was he... worried about you? No, it can't be, can it? "Not like I care! Or anything..." He quickly adds. "But I figured I'd find you in your room... waiting." Lowering his tone in the last word, he avoids your eyes.

"I was playing games with Levi!" You approach Mammon, full of glee. He offers a content smile and instinctively reaches to ruffle your hair before retracting his hand back, cheeks tinted at his sudden gesture. "Excuse me? It wasn't just games, it was THE game. Exuberant story telling with a cutthroat plot projected in the latest high definition graphics aspects, the animation is so good it feels like the characters are trying to murder us in real life!!" Leviathan intervenes, thankfully cutting through your blundering interaction with Mammon.

Later that night, Mammon finds yet another silly excuse in order to be let inside your room; sprawled on your bed, he watches as you prepare your backpack for the next day. "Did you have fun with Levi?" He blurts out, causing you to avert your gaze back to him and nod in agreement. "But not too much fun, right?" He raises an eyebrow, seating up from his previous position. "What are you talking about?" You chuckle, accompanying him on the bed as you take a seat next to him.

"Ya know I only rejected you so that you can be closer with the rest of my brothers, right? You need to be bustin' it with other demons here so that ya'll can have fun even when I'm not around. But... I mean, you can't get too comfy with them, ya feel? You're still my human, even if its burdensome to take care of ya-" He pauses, waiting for a reaction from you, but only to be met with silence on your part. "Okay... it's actually not that burdensome- or at all. I like havin' you around and I wouldn't mind if you were hangin' with me all day- but I'm doing this for you! You should show all these peeps what you got, y'know?" Mammon gently tugs on your sheets as he speaks, purposely looking away from you. He twitches at the abrupt sensation of your weight on his shoulder, glancing back at you to realize you are laying your head on him. "I know, you were looking out for me."

He grins, encircling his arm around you to pull you closer. "I'll always look out for you, human."

[hsdiaries]

‘til forever

chapter one - 3.3k

master list

I used to judged my therapists, based on how their offices were decorated. Plants and warm tones meant they were safe and understanding. Clean lines and modern furniture meant they were there for just a paycheck. Obviously, this wasn't a set in stone fact, but the concept and idea worked in my mind. It worked as a way to avoid therapy for months - until I walked into Jackie's office. Rugs and pleasing mixed patterns, scattered green plants and mix matched thrifted furniture. Her office screamed care and compassion, so I couldn't walk away any longer. I no longer had a valid excuse other than I was scared to deal with everything. I was scared to deal with the fact, Louis was dead.

"You know, if I close my eyes, that night plays back in my memory like a nightmare I can't escape. I remember the look on Niall's face when he came to our house to let me know what had happened. He didn't even have to say anything for me to know something was wrong. His eyes" I paused, swallowing, inhaling sharply, "His eyes were blank, as if no words or emotion could describe what he was feeling at the moment - like there wasn't a feeling known to us that could describe the ache he was carrying in his heart."

"Are you still close with, Niall?" Jackie asked, sipping tea from a giant orange mug, definitely meant for noodles and not tea.

"Yes. He's the only one of our friends I still talk to." I said, fiddling with the hole on my jeans, the threads barely hanging on. These light washed pair of jeans were as old as my relationship with Louis had been and carried the same amount of wear and tear that our relationship had developed over its four year time span.

"Did you two heal together then?" She asked, and I nodded, palms running down the tops of my thighs.

"In a way...we used to talk about it, a lot. But, neither of us dealt with it professionally. I think we held on to the idea that - as long as we talked about what happened over and over, it would eventually not hurt. Or be easy to process. But, obviously I'm here so," I shrugged, licking my lips, cracking a small smile to break any awkwardness I seemed to always create.

"Well I'm glad you came here. I think loss always hurts, we just get it to a place that's bearable." She smiled as a small beep was heard, signifying our hour was up, "Same time next week?"

I pressed my lips tightly, nodding, "Yeah,"

"See you then Bentley." She smiled as we both stood, walking out of her small office. 

In the waiting room was Niall, his brows furrowed as he worked through the next puzzle in his crossword puzzle book, glasses barely hanging onto the bridge of his nose. His eyes flickered up momentarily, his face softening the instant we locked eyes.

"Ben, all done talking about your feelings?" He teased, pushing his glasses on the top of his head. Niall hated the idea of therapy, and speaking to a person who, in his own words, just wrote down your feelings to paraphrase them back to you and pretend they are giving meaning to them. I wouldn't say I completely disagreed with him, but sometimes, that's what I thought a human needed. Someone to sort out their feelings and explain it right back to them.

Though, I wasn't really sure anyone could explain my feelings back to me. I wasn't exactly sure how someone could bring any justification to the fact that Louis wasn't here anymore. How could anyone truly make me understand the reason why he couldn't walk home safely. Understand why someone would pull a gun on him, and shoot him. Once in the chest, and twice in the head.

All I understood was, the man who murdered him wanted to make sure he was successful. 

It had only been six months since that night in November, our final phone call playing constantly in my head.

-

Thanksgiving Night

"Baby, there aren't any fresh cranberries left. But I promise, I can make the canned one taste just as great," Louis puffed over the phone, the hustle of the store could be heard in the background.

"Louis, this is why I asked you to get them earlier this week. Canned doesn't taste the same. It's never going to fool anyone," I said, basting the turkey one final time before closing the oven.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're right, B. I should have gone when you asked. Look, I'll try that overpriced shop on the corner before the house, okay? If not, I swear, no one will know the difference." He cooed over the phone, trying to soften me up, and of course it worked.

I took a deep breath, realizing I was being too much, on the day I should be most thankful for what I have, "No baby. You know what, just come home-"

"-No, B, I screwed up. I'm going to make it better. That's what I do, remember?" He said, and I could hear his smile through the phone, soon reflecting on my face as well.

"You do make everything better, sweet boy. Okay. Um, call Niall while you're at it? He's almost here and maybe you two can meet up. I know he was walking over with two casserole trays and I love him but-.."

"..-he's the clumsiest ever?" Louis chuckled, making me laugh.

"Yes."

"Alright, I'll be there soon. I love you, B."

"I love you too, sweet boy."

Niall never met up with him. He heard it all happen over the phone. By the time he found him, Louis was already dead.

-

"So you still want to grab an early dinner?" Niall said, his arm moving around my shoulders, crossword book stuck under his arm, pencil behind his ear. He looked so sharp, pressed shirt, soft sweater over it. I loved how he always smelled so clean, a twinge of apricot always seemed to mix into the smell of fresh sheets on his skin.

"Ummm, as long as it's Rizzo's, then yes. I'm in need of a giant pastrami sammy." I smiled up at him, as always, counting the dark flecks of blue that filled his crystal seas.

"Ben wants pastrami, Ben gets pastrami. Come on then," he smiled, leading me out of the office.

Niall had been Louis's best friend since middle school when Louis moved to the states from London. They hated each other on Louis's first day and by the second day they were inseparable. In my mind, that's why he stuck around, never letting me push him away like I had with Mitch, Pauli and everyone else. In my mind, he stuck around because he felt like he owed it to Louis.

He was my best friend now. The reality of it being, he was my only friend. When I isolated myself from everyone, he waited outside my bubble until he realized he needed to pop it and save me from myself. 

My mother had other ideas, constantly alluding to the idea that Niall and I were meant to be together. That the universe knew we needed each other, bonding us for life.

Personally I hated when she made that statement, making me constantly feel like Louis had died for a reason. That reason being Niall and I being together. It was disgusting and made my heart ache in ways I couldn't even describe.

As we entered Rizzo's, I pushed free of Niall gently, walking over to the picture of Louis on the wall from when he won their Massive Sub Eating challenge, kissing my fingers and pressing them against his framed face. He looked handsome as ever, straight hairs on his forehead, facial hair adorned with mustard or marinara, I couldn't remember anymore.

"Miss you babe." I whispered, turning to face the kitchen as loud banging could be heard from the back. A couple dishes could be seen flying up through the order window.

"Holy anchovies, what did I do now!" I heard Linda exclaim from the other side, Niall and I looking at each other and snickering. Linda was the owner of Rizzo's, inherited from and named after her grandfather, Rizzo Manger.

"You alright back there Linds?" I called out as I approached the breakfast bar.

"Is that my Benny girl! Did you bring the leprechaun with you? Clearly I need some luck on my side." She said, her face finally popping up in the order window. Her voice always sounded like she had smoked one pack too many, though she never had a day in her life.

"You know, most Irish people would have sued you for discrimination or something of the sort for that kind of name calling!" Niall teased, Linda shrugging.

"Thankfully you love my subs way too much to even think about that, right?" She chuckled, making Niall roll his eyes as we took our usual seats at the breakfast bar. My eyes looked down at the carving of our initials, 

"L + B + N = 2KFS"

I traced over it with my fingers laughing a bit. Niall looked over, leaning in close to me, "Too cool for school-we were such idiots." He laughed a bit, his finger moving to trace over the end my finger wasn't until they met in the middle. His face so close to mine, I could smell his aftershave even stronger than before.

"New shampoo?" He said, moving back to his seat, looking over the menu as if he didn't already know what he was going to order.

"Huh?" I said, leaning on my hand and raising an eyebrow.

"Your hair smells different today." He muttered, glancing over slightly. Before I could answer, Linda walked over to us, order pad in hand.

"What can I get you two?" She says, already writing our order down without us even answering.

"Steak, rare, with lots of carrots on the side," I tease, Niall joining in shortly after.

"I'll take a burger, just the lettuce and tomato please."

"You both think you're great comedians don't you? One pastrami sam, one mari sub, and two large cokes coming right up." She winked before walking away.

"So, Mitch got a new girlfriend." Niall said, turning in his stool to face me completely.

"Oh, that's nice," I smiled a bit, moving my gaze back down to my phone. I clicked the home screen showing no missed notifications, Niall being the only person who ever sent me anything.

"He asked if we wanted to meet up with them, Chase and Pauli. Get some beers and play pool tonight," I turned to face him, his baby blues filled with so much hope.

"Mmm, I have to organize my pantry. Tomorrow is grocery day, so I have to make sure of what I need and that there is room for new things." I said, pushing hair behind my ear.

"Ben...your pantry?" He said, his face filled with disbelief at my excuse.

"Niall, just...no, okay? You go. Don't push your friends away for me. Go hang out with them, come back and tell me all about Mitch's girl." I smiled, trying to reassure him as much as I possibly could.

"They are your friends too, you know?" He said gently, knowing it was a touchy subject for me.

"Niall. Please." I swallowed, looking back down at my phone, unlocking it and aimlessly scrolling on social media.

"I'm just saying Ben, it's been six months. They gave you the space you obviously needed, but...you need friends Bentley. And they miss you."

"I have friends. I have you. And Linda. And Pug. Pug is the best listener too." I said, pulling out a photo of my corgi making Niall have to attempt to hold back his smile.

"You are...," shaking his head while rolling his eyes, he reached over, pulling me tightly against him. He pressed his lips into the top of my head, making me relax into him.

I couldn't begin to explain how grateful I was for Niall. The way he had stepped up these past six months for me, was everything. We were bonded in this traumatic experience and no matter how hard I tried, he never allowed me to push him away.

During that first week, he wouldn't leave me alone. He was over everyday, even if I didn't want him here. Using the spare key Louis gave him, he would march in, make sure I was fed, bathed and resting. If I asked to be alone, he would leave me in my bedroom while he remained in the living room. He kept my home tidy, stocking it with everything I may need.

Eventually I joined him in the living room. Eventually we talked about Louis. Eventually he made me laugh again. It was like he was finding ways to streamline my pain into other things, reminding me that I had to continue to live.

Because it was what Louis would have wanted.

He couldn't make me hang out with our old friends, that was the only thing he failed at. It wasn't that I didn't miss them; it was simply that I didn't want to have to speak about Louis. I didn't want to rehash emotions with each one of them individually. I had that with Niall, that's all I needed and all I could handle. Maybe it was selfish of me, maybe it made me lack compassion; but it was all I could handle right now.

Linda brought us our food, each of us digging in, and I was grateful when Niall didn't bring it up again. Instead, we talked about Harry Potter. It was the first time he was watching the series, having just sat down with me through the first and second. I explained to him the differences between the book and the movie, small pouts when he wished that they would have kept certain things in. We argued about him being a Gryffindor, me emphasizing that he was too much of a Golden Retriever to be a Gryffindor. He glared at me, throwing chips at me making me cackle.

"You are clearly a Hufflepuff and that's okay. Personally I think they are the underrated house at Hogwarts." I shrugged, dusting away the chip crumbs.

"So you think I'm underrated? That my amazingness isn't valued at its true potential?" He wiggled his eyebrows, making me reach over and shove him.

"Niall James, be quiet." I laughed, his hand catching my arm and pulling me just a bit closer to him.

"Facts are facts, Bentley Rose and I know you only speak truths." He titled his head slightly, his smile big, then soft as he took in my face.

I wasn't an idiot. I was aware of the certain heat that rose between the two of us at times. The sparks that searched for enough friction to try and burst into flames. I was also aware it was all bonded through trauma. Which wasn't healthy. Which wasn't what I wanted nor needed.

Above all, I couldn't handle loving after Louis, another reason I pushed everyone out.

I cleared my throat pulling back, "We should go so you're not late. You're going tonight and I don't want any excuses!" I said pointing my finger at him, making him laugh.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he rolled his eyes. We finished, paying the check and walking outside to the warm summer air, my eyes closing at the pleasant feel of it.

"So you are absolutely sure?" He asked, grabbing my waist gently, pulling me slightly towards him.

"I just don't want to deal with all the, 'How are you really doing?' and hearing how much people miss Louis. I know it's selfish...I just..."

"I get it, Ben, you're fine," he pulled me closer, our hips pressing together, "You have your mace? Taser?"

"Check and check, location is on, and I will text you when I get home," I smiled, my hand pushing back his thick mousy brown hair.

"Okay, you know I care for ya?"

"I know, I care for you too," I smiled, kissing his cheek, before pushing away from him softly, "Have fun, be safe...get laid?" I giggled, shrugging my shoulders as I backed away, turning around and heading home.

Walking down the familiar path, I reached into my purse, pulling out my keys and placing one between my fingers. I hated that my mind was always set to the defense, but after Louis being murdered the way he was, I wasn't taking my chances. I never wore headphones, I paid attention to the footsteps that surrounded my own, their pace, their distance.

And that's why I was in therapy.

I moved down the street, like clockwork, my heart started beating faster as I approached the block before the expensive store on the corner. I stopped, normally turning right on Baker St. and taking the long way around to get home. It was so unnecessary, but I couldn't get past the idea of picturing how it happened. It had been described to me from so many different angles during the investigation, I couldn't help but feel like I would enter a movie scene I couldn't escape if I walked past the store.

And that's why I was in therapy.

I chewed on my lower lip, looking down the street, my feet moving forward before I realized what I had just decided. Before I realized that for some reason, I felt brave tonight, moving closer and closer to the shop. I stopped at the window, the shop name etched into the glass in a beautiful gold.

"Posh Finery"

Taking a deep breath, I moved inside quickly, heading to the little cafe in the corner. I pinched my lip as I looked over the pastries for sale. They had some prepackaged and ready to go, while others were meant to be picked out from behind the glass display. I spotted the last chocolate croissant, pairing it with an iced matcha seemed like the perfect way to end my night. I moved to reach for the chocolate croissant, a tattooed hand reaching at the same time. I jumped back slightly, bringing my hand quickly to my chest.

"Sorry, sorry. You can have it," I pressed my lips tight into a smile.

"No drama, kid. Take it," I heard the tattooed hand say before my eyes traveled up to take in the rest of him. I felt my eyes widen, not in shock from his appearance, olive skin, long hair, piercing green eyes that sat under furrowed brows; but by his use of a phrase I had only ever heard come from Louis' mouth.

"Excuse me? What did you say?" I stood straight, taking in his eyes as he raised a small eyebrow and chuckled a bit.

"It's means no worr-..."

"...-no I know what it means, I've just...sorry. I um, I only ever head one person use that phrase and it caught me off guard," I exhaled, my cheeks burning as I quickly grabbed a bear claw, "You can have the croissant. These are just as good anyways." I smiled, walking past him to the cashier.

"Thanks," he called out, and I turned over my shoulder nodding a bit. I ordered my matcha, handing them the bear claw to be heated up. After paying I walked over and sat at a table, waiting for my drink, watching the man pay for the croissant. He glanced over at me, holding it up and giving me a small nod before making his way out the door.

As he moved past, I couldn't help but envision Louis walking out in the same manner. Fresh cranberries in hand, making the quick turn before heading up to our home. I swallowed, shaking the thought from my head. 

It never happened. He never even made it in the store.

[skadren]

2, 3, 6, and 8 for Tseeve~

send me a ship and a number and i'll tell you:

2. what their love letters look like

i don't think tseng has ever written a love letter before in his life. that is both way too easily perceived and way too impermanent at the same time. what if someone else finds it? what if it gets lost or thrown away or burned before reeve reads it?? what if reeve reads it??? his love letters are grocery store shopping lists stuck to the fridge and reminders for reeve to take his medications and protein bars and hot coffee "coincidentally" left on reeve's desk

reeve has diary entries. sometimes they are addressed to tseng: small jokes, the highlights and low points of his day, his current projects, proposal plans. wedding plans. reeve is a planning kind of guy, for everything. and before they got together, definitely pining. all the pining. he also has at least five separate entries wondering about tseng's hair care routine. his meetings notes may or may not be found with their initials doodled all around the borders (with ample questioning over what tseng's last name is. is tseng even his real name? is reeve a bad boyfriend for not knowing?? but wouldn't asking be an invasion of boundaries???)

3. which one outlives the other, and how they cope

both of them expect to die before the other. reeve because of how many goddamn medications he has to take and that must be terrible for his liver, and also he's older so that's how it works, right? tseng because of his line of work, and later on after he retires, because of the lingering issues from his past injuries. and the real reason is that neither of them want to think too hard on what it might actually be like to go on alone.

unfortunately tseng dies first. you can blame @takenbynumbers for that one. you know what you did

reeve puts on a pretty good attempt at going on outwardly unaffected, although he finally retires and passes on the seat of commissioner to someone else, like he'd been saying he would do for ages now. but he's never been very good at remembering to take care of himself; tseng is always the one who bossed him into doing it. so he sort of just... gives up on it?

(vincent accuses him of just giving up and waiting to die. reeve doesn't think he's wrong.)

6. how they decorate their bedroom

neither of them are big on excess so i guess it would be a pretty... normal? bedroom? there is a bed. big enough to fit both of them but not too big, because what if one of them gets lonely at night? the bed itself isn't anything fancy; sturdy and comfortable with enough support for reeve's back. plain sheets. they have two sets of blankets that are horribly mismatched because one reminds reeve of the quilts his ma liked to make and the other is a gift from yuffie that tseng will never admit is the exact same pattern of blanket he remembers his mom using when he was a child.

they both have a nightstand but desks are banned from the bedroom. deskwork is also banned from the bedroom. not that it keeps reeve from trying to sneak paperwork once in a while.

cait also has a cat bed in one corner (even though he really does not need a bed on account of the whole robot thing). he gets exiled regularly but it works out because he does not want to see his dads getting it on, thank you very much.

8. what they argue about

reeve always tosses his clothes in the general direction of the laundry hamper and misses. tseng's hair clogs the shower and gets all over the floor all the time. tseng hates taking out the trash and reeve never remembers to do it.

more seriously, even if their dedication to their work is something they have in common, neither of them like how little free time it gives them to spend together. it can lead to arguments over exactly how much the other person prioritizes their relationship at all, especially since the way they express their feelings and validation for one another is very different-- reeve's love language is physical affection and verbal affirmation, while tseng's is acts of service. coupled with how reticent tseng is about talking about feelings at all, it can lead to reeve feel like he's lovebombing tseng to little response, while tseng feels like he's never good enough at reciprocating properly.

but their biggest argument of all time is still the one that takes place directly after the turks drop the plate. there is a lot of broken trust between them regarding whether their relationship was as meaningful as reeve really thought it was, how much tseng has been hiding all this time, whether reeve wanted to be with tseng at all or just an idealized version of him. i fondly refer to the entire time they spend separated until they get back together postcanon as their divorce arc.

[ruthlesslistener]

We sure do live in a society, don't we.

The anons sending you hate are doing my head in. Like, I can completely understand why they bristled at your initial response, because as someone who writes Ghost as an adult in a child's body (hi, Gently, my beloved fic that is drowning from my dead muse), I had a kind of similar "hey wait" response at first.

But then you CLARIFIED. You took the time to ask, listen and let others educate you on another POV. It may not have changed your own personal HCs (and that's OK!!!), but you clarified your meaning was not people like me - it was not the average person who spurred it - and that's all anyone can really ask for. You don't have to agree with or ask people.

The best part of fandom is taking bits and pieces of each other's ideas and using them to decorate our sand castles and make them our own. That means "I wouldn't spin it that way but I liked reading how you did it." It also sometimes means "Oh I cannot get behind that but I respect your right to."

I think it says a lot that people are on anon, rather than actually talking to you and giving you a chance to engage with them one-on-one. I'm not sure I would label them trolls. I think their feelings got hurt and they are lashing out because of it, in an impolite way, rather than stopping to listen to explanations. I am going to give the benefit of doubt and assume that ill-intent wasn't meant, and that the reason they're on anon is that anxiety has them going "if I say it on my main, I'm going to get flamed because I offended popular tumblr user." To that I say: If you weren't on anon, Aren could've replied privately to you, and likely would have. A one-on-one conversation can go a large way for trying to clear up misunderstandings.

TBH, I probably could've just sent all of this on Discord but I just am frustrated. Asks like the ones you received are why I am terrified of sharing my own headcanons, why I assume anyone asking me ANY opinions has bad faith, and why everything I say has a giant ass disclaimer on it with "THIS IS LIKE, JUST MY OPINION GUYS" and we shouldn't have to do that. We shouldn't have to sit and police everything that we say because Someone Might Twist It.

Anyway, sorry. I just needed to put this out here because I was about to blow up on my own blog. lmao

Thank you tumblr user grollow I appreciate it immensely and I agree with everything you said about fandom being a sandbox made more fun by people having different ideas that make things fun to play with. It's just that I've been off in my corner playing relatively on my own for a bit, which kinda fucks over the amount of context you get on things a bit. And also the miscommunication had the misfortune of landing squarely in the intersection between 'things I really don't like' and 'things that have a canon basis but lack canonical descriptive details', turning it into a shitshow. Which I really really fucking wish didn't happen, even if I did enjoy discussing the pros and cons of different mental interpretations of Ghost and was able to come to the conclusion that it's about as appealing to me as a slice of apple pie. Which is to say, I like certain bits of it and will gladly nibble at said bits, but if there's any other option out there I'd take it over pie anyday. It's not bad and I certainly do enjoy it in extremely specific context, but it also doesn't appeal to me in the slightest and there's certain parts that I refuse to touch altogether (the texture of cooked fruit makes me cringe and nauseates me, much like the idea of Ghost being an adult trapped in a child's body from a horror perspective incites panic). But that's fine, bc then I can just plop the filling onto a friend's plate for their enjoyment, and nibble away at the bits I like in piece. My dislike of pie doesn't extend to the people who enjoy it, nor do I get upset when my brother refuses to eat what I cook for him. He's picky, I'm picky, I've got no right to judge. He's just as valid for saying my cream cheese frosting is gross as I am for thinking him refusing to eat anything but mac n cheese and scrambled eggs is gross. Same concept with fandom here

(And honestly, my judgement on the whole minor/adult thing is seperate from Ghost as a character altogether. I'm of similar mind with Miquella of Elden Ring, who is canonically an adult trapped in a child's body. Having a relationship with him in his child form would be fucked up- hell, even Mohg goes for breaking the curse first, and Mohg is canonically fucking insane! This isn't something limited to just one fandom, it's a hard line I draw in fiction in general)

Also yeah, I totally would have just worked it out in private, but I get the feeling the anon thinks I'm running some sort of clique or something over here where I would have twisted it into clout somehow. Which needless to say, I would not fucking do. Can't say this enough, but I'm autistic as all getout and had to deal with that enough in high school so I have nothing but contempt for that sort of behavior.

[angelsdevils]

Haitani Rindou

Title: Happy Birthday Fluff No Warning:

Tag List: @omakeomuomu @thisbicc @galactict3a @rgtgt @chuuberrysworld @sattosugu @Pinksilk @penguinlovestowrite @6-022-10-23 @Artistadistrada2002 @tobycisnt @kazenomegaminowanpisu

If you wanna join my tag list just click here

Rindou wasn’t used to people celebrating his birthday, it had always been him and his brother growing up. Granted Ran, always gave him something maybe a cupcake. But as far as other people, they just overlooked it. That’s what he was used to, so he never thought of a reason to celebrate it. It was nothing special. In fact, when people wished him a Happy Birthday he would scoff and roll his eyes. 

That was until he met you, he wanted you to acknowledge his existence. Wish him a happy birthday, or give him a hug. The truth was he always looked for validation from you and you alone. Even his brother knew this but Ran never said anything. 

Rindou was currently looking for you, but it was like you have been avoiding him. He hated that feeling, all he wanted was for you to wish him a happy birthday. His brother already gave him a whole cake and a gift. And others had wished him one except for you. Granted you weren’t obligated by any means, but it would have meant a lot coming from you. After all, he had a huge crush on you. Ever since you joined Bonten as the official doctor, he always kept a close eye on you. Mainly to make sure Ran or no one else was getting too close to you. 

Everyone knew of his feelings for you and swore that maybe you had feelings for him too. But if that was the case where were you? Why were you avoiding him, on his supposed special day? 

He was about to give up until he received a text message from you.

To: RinRin

From: Princess

‘Can you come to my house?’

From: RinRin

To: Princess

‘You are home?’

‘OMW’

He ignored the extra text message that you sent and rushed to your house. His heart was racing and he could barely keep a smile off of his face. Once he arrived at your small apartment, he knocked on the door a few times. 

“Coming~” 

He fixed his hair, as you opened the door and flashed him a wide smile. You stepped aside to allow him in which he gladly did. 

“Thank you for coming…” 

“No problem, is everything okay?” He asked and you nodded your head as he removed his shoes. You wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug and he felt a blush creep up his cheeks. 

“Princess?” 

“Happy Birthday RinRin… I have something for you.” You were about to let go, but he quickly wrapped his arms around you to hold you there for a few more moments. 

“Hold on, let me just stay like this for a moment.” He mumbled. You felt your own cheeks heat up and nod your head. 

You both stayed in each other’s embrace for a few minutes before finally parting. You pull him to the living room and sat him on the couch.

“You probably already received a cake, but I made you one today as well.” You said to remove the cover. It was his favorite flavor and it was beautifully decorated. He smiled looking at you. 

“I prefer yours over my brother’s,” he admitted and you laughed. You also handed him a small box. He opened it and saw a brand new watch in there. It was customized with your and his picture in it. He blinked and looked over at you, and you were playing with your fingers. 

“Uhm, also I really like you… a lot. So I thought maybe… as a way to confess I would that as well,” you referred to the watch. He blinked several times as he took in the words you had said. 

“You like me?” 

“Yeah, a lot. I understand if you don’t. I can always exchange the w~” he cut you off with his lips on yours. He placed the watch on the table and tangled his hands into your hair before sighing softly. After a few moments, you both pulled away and you looked up at him surprised. He leaned his forehead against yours with his eyes closed.

“You don’t understand how long I have waited to do that.” 

“Why didn’t you?” You asked in a teasing manner and he shot you a soft glare before letting a small smile.

“You tend to avoid me when it matters.” 

“Not true~” 

“Definitely true,” he mumbled. He pecked your lips before pulling you into his lap and burying his face into your neck.

“Are you going to eat your cake?”

“Not right now, I want to hold you for a bit.” 

“I didn’t realize you were so clingy~”

“Shut it, you won’t be getting this in public so accept it.”

“Alright~ geez.”

© [@angelsdevils] all rights reserved. none of my posts or stories should be modified, reposted, etc. I do not own the character or the fanart, but I own the plots of these stories. All fanart goes to their appropriate owners.

[sunnysafezone]

tue. 7th of may

Hello stranger on the internet!

Its been a long time, but I have a valid reason to keep you waiting.

I guess.

I am going to make it really quick, I fell into the Stardew Valley rabbbit hole.

So what can I say, it might me the best thing I´ve done so far. I think I have played around 20 hours by now and I am obsessed. And it is getting worse and worse the longer I am playing.

And believe me, dear stranger on the internet, I thought hogwarts leagacy was bad.

So to just get the first impression out of my head, I wand to list a few things about the game, I really really enjoy.

The Graphics - this game is so colorful, so cute, so detailed, its everything a pixel lover could ever wish for. The different seasons gave me literal chills because they look so individual but each time just as beautiful as the last one.

The characters - please excuse me but you can ROMANCE different NPCs ?! As soon as I learned about that, I was SOLD. But apart from the marrying and romancing part. I am truly amazed by how lovingly every character is written and designed. There is someone for every player! On my part, its going to be my girl Leah. I mean, I´ve been already courting her all year. She is gorgeous, artsy and so charming. There was no question at all.

The game mechanics - as funny as this might sound but I was more than surprised about the fact that the game is as complex as it is. The farming alone is so much fun and requires so much thought and time. The fact that you can plant and harvest a rediculous amount of different crops each season, that you can choose what you personally want to plant and wich animals you want to have in your farm. It´s so much fun. Additionally, you can chop wood in the big forest and harvest stones, ores and other minerals in the mine. How cool is that? Dear stranger, i did´nt even mention the seasonal events, the friendships and in game storylines. There are countless things to discover.

The mysterious mysteries of the valley - until now, I´ve just talked about a very nice, enjoyable RPG collecting and harvesting game. Because I bought it as such. I never would have guessed that there are so many whimsical secrets to be discovered in the valley. I never would have imagined a group of charming little entities, living from the earth and hoping around in the community center. I am also very keen on finding out whats up with the grandpa shrine and the little totems wich are scattered all over the map. And I cannot believe I didnt mention that ffirst, there are literal FAIRIES flying around your farm at night. I mean, case closed!

The customization!!!! - obviously, we have to talk about the fact, that you can decorate, customize and change everything around you to you own liking. It starts with yourself, the character you want to play as. Then you can choose your farm layout, wich is so cool. For the beginning I chose the forest farm, but i honestly want to restart on the river farm or the beach farm, because they look just so cute. You can choose your pet, your friends and even your spouse as I already mentioned earlier). You can customize your farm and farmhouse and even some parts of the remaining map.

All in all, I am just enthusiastic about the game and its facets. I might be a little bit addicted already, because I already want to go back to Pelican town.

But why is it so good? For me, its a relatively easy question to answer. Stardew Valley makes it possible for me to feel like I am living the magical slow live I damn dream of every day before I wake up. The thought of getting away, living of the land and just forge your own reality just makes me incredibly happy. And again, as funny as it sounds, this game gives me enough to escape into that daydream.

So to end my little entry today, I want to come back to the prompts I tried to set for myself. So lets get into it.

my current read: "Does it hurt?" - H.D. Carlton (not even half as good as Haunting Adeline - i guess i have to get back to the second book and write about it)

my current favorite song: Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey - Paul and Linda McCartney

my motivations: I quit my corporate job and start to work in a small cafe. Thats my own version of escape i guess.

Thats all for today.

Thank you for reading!

Sunny

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Tae is kinda very smart for not confirming Taennie lol. Jennie doesn't give af about dating rumors because she already have multiple confirmed relationships, Tae is the biggest celebrity she's ever linked with, her Fandom kinda supports her, she will be hated anyway by others and has nothing to lose. But Tae ? Everything opposite of Jennie's case.

Personally I dont think they'll last until he decides to marry her and I think he feels the same. So why put his career, fanbase and reputation in danger for a relationship that won't last ? That's why there's no 'contribution' from Tae's side to this news lol, if anything he boosts Taekook whenever he can as it holds his fanbase together. Tbh it was a smart decision, if he wasn't dragging tkk to this shit tho. This isn't his first nor last relationship, it's his private thing which he dont wanna confirm to anyone.

I BET IF HE'S MARRYING A WOMAN ONE DAY IT WON'T BE A CELEBRITY, ESPECIALLY A VERY POPULAR BUSY ONE. You know how most SK men generally think about marriage right ? They want someone who stays at home, look after their kids and family, available to spend time with husband whenever he's at home. Tae has said he likes a woman who can be like his mother (its a eww for me tho). Even the regular men are like that so we can imagine how a busy rich celebrity men may want from thier wife lol. Most of korean female celebs who married male celebs either quit work or took long breaks. And Jennie is too big to be just a home maker momma he dreams of and not planning to give up everything to marry him. She has her own career which is almost big as him and is even busier than him. So yeah, I think they'll breakup eventually and find other partners who they can build their ideal future with.

Hello,

Hmmm.

I'm sensing that you don't like Jennie? Lol

I just want to point out that Jennie is probably more known that Tae. She has as much to lose as he does, if not, more. I don't like how people low key shade her and act like she's inferior to Tae. She doesn't need Tae either. She's done well on her own. And she's dated G-dragon...I mean...come on!

I don’t see it like this at all. Taennie is strong AF! I know people judge Jennie for other valid reasons but if you see content of hers (not on stage), she seems very sweet and down to Earth. Nicer than Tae, actually. She's much more likeable and she has a pleasant personality.

I remember a BP live where her and Lisa are decorating a cake and Jennie says that she wants to be able to bake cakes with her children while Lisa says she will just give them money to buy a cake lol

Jennie didn't grow up with her mom either so it seems like she also wants a home and a family. She's is very motherly.

I actually think they are perfect for each other.

If Tae is not confirming, that's because he needs album support from the tkkrs and his fans who don't see right through him but just wait until all this is done. It will be interesting.

Hope this helps.

[fruit-of-infidelity]

♱  DIABOLIK LOVERS: Haunted Dark Bridal ー Sakamaki Ryuuto | Ecstasy Prologue  ♱

⌜ Scene: Richter's Room ⌟

Ryuuto: …This is the most effective way to revive her?

Richter: Condemning a human to an eternal bond with a Vampire? Through something as sacred as marriage? I have no doubt about it. 

Ryuuto: And if there was some way to immediately resurrect Cordelia?

Richter: Then I would trust you to tell me.

Ryuuto: … …

Richter: Ryuuto, if there is something you know…

Ryuuto: …There isn’t. It was only a thought.

Some rumours of a potion…

Richter: Even if there was some truth in it, I have a feeling that the awakening is just around the corner. This vessel is a rather weak one.

Ryuuto: … …

Are we still to go ahead with the wedding, regardless?

Richter: Yes. And, with any luck, she will be returned to us tonight.

Get yourself ready; I’ll fetch our bride.

Ryuuto: … …

ー Richter disappears. ー

Ryuuto: … …

ー Ryuuto slowly pulls something from his pocket. ー

…If all else fails, in the end, at least I still have this. 

This… should once and for all bring you* back to me.

ー The scene changes to the ballroom. ー

Yui: Uwah!

( The ballroom is decorated so beautifully! )

ー Richter appears before Yui. ー

…!

Richter: Take my arm.

Yui: Eh? What for?

Richter: Do as I say.

ー Music begins to play. ー

Yui: ( Music? Another rehearsal? )

( My feet still ache from the last one… )

ー Yui notices Ryuuto. ー

Yui: ( There’s Ryuuto-san. )

( He’s dressed very handsomely. Surely this means… )

Richter-san? Is Ryuuto-san going to be my dance partner this evening?

Richter: But of course.

Yui: ( Thank God. At least I might be able to keep up, then. )

Richter: You would expect any less from your husband? It’s time you put your practise to the test. 

Yui: Husband!?

Wait a minute! You mean the wedding isーー

Ryuuto: About to commence. Come… Yui.

Yui: W-Wait a moment!

Richter: Cordelia… 

This “marriage” shall be null and void once you return, do not worry. You’ll still be mine, as always… if you’ll still have me.

ー Yui’s heart thumps loudly. ー

Yui: Uu…

( What’s happening to me…!? )

ー Yui finds herself in front of Ryuuto. ー

Richter:…But, first you must take Ryuuto as yours.

You, from this night forth and through eternity, will be condemned to walk beside Ryuuto. Through an unbreakable bond, your blood shall become as one.

Yui: W-Wait…!

ー Yui tries to flee. ー

( My feet feel like their stuck to the ground! I can’t move at all! )

ー Ryuuto leans in to whisper to Yui. ー

Ryuuto: I told you the time would come for you to embrace your fate. Now is that time. So, if you want to be shown any mercy…

Give in.

Yui: ( Mercy!? )

Richter: Swear to give your entirety, without question, to him… And should he perish at your side, swear to take your own life as proof of your undying commitment.

Yui… Do you swear to this?

Ryuuto: … ...

Yui: ( Swear… to be with Ryuuto-san always…!? )

I…

( I… )

( Under these circumstances… )

Ryuuto: Do you swear… Yui?

Yui: …!

( Even if I try to speak, nothing is coming out! )

( Please Ryuuto-san… Please know in your heart that I can’t… )

ー Her heart thumps again. ー

Uugh!!

( This again!? My heart…! )

Richter: Cordelia…

Ryuuto: … ...

ー And again. ー

Yui: Nn… I…

( Dizzy… )

I...

… …

ー Cordelia finally possesses Yui. ー

Yui: I do.

Ryuuto: … …!?

Yui: Ufufu…

Seal it. Bite me.

Ryuuto: Could this mean…

Richter: Ryuuto. Do it.

Yui: That’s right, embrace me… Fufu.

Ryuuto: … …

Yui: ( Wait… St-Stop…! )

ー Ryuuto bites “Yui”. ー

Yui: Aah…〜!

Ryuuto: …!

This taste…

Mother… It is you, isn’t it…!?

Yui: Richter. Ryuuto…

Richter: Cor… Cordelia…!

Finally…! We are reunited! Fufufu…!

Ryuuto: …Finally…

… …

Welcome Home.

✥ TO BE CONTINUED ✥

─────── ≪ °♛° ≫ ───────

←  [ ✥ Maniac Epilogue ✥ ] ⎥ [ ✥ Ecstasy 01 ✥ ]  →

━━─┉┈┈◈ Notes ◈┈┈┉─━━

　　1. *You might think Ryuuto is referring to Yui or Cordelia here, and this is purposefully ambiguous because of that reason. Interpret this as you wish, but either answer has its valid reasoning ><

━━──┉┈┈◈ ◉ ◈┈┈┉──━━

[ablogwithoutacause]

Feeling alive again. But once again, ridiculous. Feeling like an uphill battle is coming. Yet, this time i have all the ammunition to keep battling until my opponent (the former self) is dead, or at least under control.

Sitting at the Team-member Dining Room in September i thought of my ex-wife. I thought of how she often struggles fighting off negative thoughts of her past that haunt her. I had my headphones in listening to Bob Marley, (btw his movie came out today. Magnificent marketing i must say, he preached about love. When is the day most think about love… ha ha ha Feb 14.) anyways, in the song Running Away… he says something that lead me to write the following. I’m not saying she tried running away, bur if anyone has ever tried it before, just know it’s impossible.

I was going to throw this folded paper while clearing out papers from my Jeep. Interestingly enough, it was the spanish print mentioning Red Rock that stopped me, made me look at the paper, and remembered what it was.

For many weeks I was confused, but everything hidden must come to light. I found out about this beautiful… marvelous, magnificent thing called NO CONTACT. The girlies are supporting each other all over social media. Baking anniversary cakes. Celebrating their accomplishments of cutting contact with their former significant others… half of the comments are of people sharing what day/month they’re in. The other half are girls saying “ugh, i relapsed” “i contacted him”. Knowing some of those girls are doing it for good… makes me chuckle a bit. Because whoever they cut off from contact… somehow still lives rent-free in their mind. What’s the point of this? Was Kendrick Lamar wrong in saying “They say conversation, rule a nation, I can tell but I could never right my wrongs 'Less I write it down for real, P.S”

In the following verse Drake ends it with saying they say communication save relations…

So… if conversation, communication, is key in ruling nations, saving relations. What’s the point in this no contact that’s become the new fad? Have men really hurt women so much to the point they need self validation from theirselves that bad? To the point where all they have is their guarding of the self that they’d rather give up communicating to fix things? I truly don’t blame them. For generations men have been abusive, con-artist, and selfish. It’s sad. Knowing i did it to my ex-wife. Pushed her into this no contact. Little does she know the growth I’ve been accomplishing since everything happened has been humbling. But as humbling as it’s been, it’s been rewarding. This is my Nebuchadnezzar going crazy for 7 years. God is holding my hand waiting for my acknowledgment of his power. Just like Nebuchadnezzar, allowing me to experience it all. From being homeless, to being pushed out and humiliated by family. I rode the wave, I held on to that palm tree during the hurricane… it’s all coming together now. I have my own place. Today. On the day the Bob Marley (my new favorite artist since last year.) movie was released. God’s love allowed me to finally have a place to live in. I’ll slowly make it a home. I’ll slowly bring the warmth. Through decorations and an expansion of clientele. I hope pretty soon, to have a special someone who i miss, make appearances. I’m sure she’ll love the analog quirks of this oven as much as i do.

What makes a home a home? It’s love. It’s safety.

The memories created in the home. On the first day, the closet rack fell on my arm giving be a pretty serious bruise. Instead of getting mad, i laughed it off. Como dice el dicho “El que se enoja, pierde.”

I respect your decision to hop on the no contact. I can’t be mad at the tire swing for hitting me, if I’m the reason it’s violently swinging. It’ll be like getting mad that my popcorn burned, when i put the pizza setting on the microwave instead of popcorn. It’s easy for me to feel like you saying we’d come into contact again in the future isn’t really going to happen, when you’re left alone with your emotions in silence. In solitude. It’s easy to panic and not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This looks like such a typical cowboy hut. In dire need of a Victorian era mademoiselle wearing a bonnet and colonial dress. Willing to churn butter and bake goods, while the cowboy is out rustling cattle and trading fur for spices. Or fabricating furniture in the front of the house. Perhaps sharpening tools, or in this case, shaving all the prickly pear bearded men of the desert.