#but my parents wanted to watch this show about religion inspired art that related to les miz and i

[maitretmaitresse]

LORD HELP ME IM BACK ON MY BULLSHIT

[new-level5468]

Blood Orange & Queer Media

Blood Orange (Photography by Matthew Leifheit)

Devonté Hynes is a virtuoso musical artist; a singer, songwriter, producer, and composer that is better known under the name Blood Orange. Under the moniker Blood Orange, Dev Hynes has released three albums: Coastal Grooves, Cupid Deluxe, and Freetown Sound, and has worked with the likes of Tinashe, Solange Knowles, FKA Twigs, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Sky Ferreira. Blood Orange is a versatile artist that is included within a movement of musical consciousness that integrates more inclusive listening for audiences who often feel excluded from the narratives told through traditional popular media. Blood Orange’s approach to music includes R&B and electronic roots which convey messages spanning from racial injustice to gender identity and sexuality, incorporating his own fluid identity with sexuality and gender that allow for Devonté Hynes to tell stories that are personal, yet universal.

(”Coastal Grooves” by Blood Orange)

A quick glance at the album cover of Blood Orange’s first album, Coastal Grooves, shows a glimpse into the drag scene that was alive in New York City within the bar Sally’s II. The photograph that is featured on the album cover portrays one drag performer by the name of Exotica, as captured by the photographer Brian Lantelme in a series that documented the history of Sally’s II (http://www.sallys-hideaway.com/A_Pictorial_History.html). The inclusion of this photo is a testament to how drag and queer spaces have influenced the creation of Blood Orange’s musical endeavors. 

Blood Orange (Press Here Productions)

In an interview with Fader, Dev Hynes discussed the ways that he found himself relating to “the gay ball scene in New York in the ’80s” and how difficult “being young and black and gay at that time” must have been. Hynes’ related to this feeling of being discriminated against as he “faced a lot of prejudices like that” and would ultimately be targeted in physical attacks because he stood out against the traditional masculine gender role that is expected by society (http://www.thefader.com/2011/06/24/dollars-to-pounds-blood-orange/). This parallel between Dev Hynes’ story and the drag ball scene exemplifies why including more diverse representation is absolutely crucial within media, because it delivers stories that give strength to others who go through similar experiences. Pop culture is in part perhaps created to be entertaining, but also in part created to “nevertheless become part of our mass consciousness: social and political events that stand as touchstones of collective experiences” (Why Pop Culture Matters, pg. 3). Producing media that is representative of the shared struggles of certain identities can give strength and validation to the groups that experience these struggles. In turn, we are delivered more intersectional media from Blood Orange that can reach others which creates a cycle of art that further expands its outreach. 

Blood Orange - Sutphin Boulevard Music Video

The influence of drag performers continues to reach the song “Sutphin Boulevard”, the second track off of Coastal Grooves. The music video for this song features Dev Hynes being present at a drag bar as performers are shown intermittently throughout the video. This plays homage to the gay bars and the world of drag that Dev Hynes often visited as a younger man to go out dancing. This world of drag and gay bars was a supporting place that Dev could go to dance and express himself and his fluid identity. Fluidity in gender or sexuality is something that breaks apart the dichotomy that gender and sexuality exist as a binary, and “instead of arguing that homosexuality is the binary opposite of heterosexuality... all sexualities are merely points on a continuum of possibilities” (http://mediasmarts.ca/diversity-media/queer-representation/queer-representation-media). This idea that sexuality exists within a continuum is an idea that Blood Orange expresses through music, as he does not subscribe to strict labels when discussing his own sexuality. Blood Orange recalled the contrast of the life he had in London: “lying on the floor with a fucking broken nose and being stamped on, spat on, being called ‘faggot’ and thrown off buses,” but then being able to explore the gay bars in New York and be inspired by the drag scene as well as the performers found in the documentary Paris is Burning. Looking up to performers such as Octavia St. Laurent, Dev Hynes found that “looking and reading and seeing the wonderful work that these people have made is still inspiring to this day” (https://pitchfork.com/features/interview/9911-the-realest-out-a-conversation-with-blood-oranges-dev-hynes/). Sutphin Boulevard is a song that encaptures themes of being queer and performing drag and gender, and displays the inspiration and joy that can be found within these scenes. Blood Orange plays homage to these scenes, and the audience is able to admire the ways that drag can have a powerful influence on others. 

Blood Orange - Champagne Coast Music Video

The album closes with “Champagne Coast”, a lush song full of synths that blossoms as more samples and layers are added to the track. This progression builds the themes of desire and investment with the repeated plea “come into my bedroom”. Dev desires to be intimate with this person, but is willing to be vulnerable by allowing them to enter his personal space, his bedroom, and wants to understand them better. Dev asks this person of interest “Tell me, what's the joy of giving if you're never pleased?”, which contrasts the previously lustful offer and establishes a deeper relationship between the two. Dev continues with the request, “tell me what you need”, further complicating the relationship between the two as he inquires about who this person is. Champagne Coast is a track that thrives in its ambiguity. There is no gender assigned to Dev’s love interest, the person is mostly left without description. This ambiguity allows for the listener to place themselves into Dev Hynes’ perspective and relate to this story about sexuality, which creates a feeling that is universal to the listener. This track could be queer because it is left without specific detail. It is left up to interpretation, is left for the listener to relay their own experience to the track. In this way, the music is able to transcend a simple story and foster accessibility. It’s important to consider stories such as these which express fluidity because “popular culture both reflects current values and teaches them to us “ (Peele, pg. 2). The fluidity of Dev’s sexuality and gender expression thrive between the lines of this song and bloom into something that can be as simple or as complex as the listener wishes.

(”Freetown Sound” by Blood Orange)

Dev Hynes continues to explore themes of queer identity with his third album, Freetown Sound. In the song “Augustine”, Blood Orange considers how different aspects of identity have influenced his experiences, name-dropping Saint Augustine, Nontetha Nkwenkwe, and Trayvon Martin. This combination of references and ideas not only encapsulates the inner-workings of Dev Hynes’ mind, but also reflect the intersectionality that impacts how Dev Hynes interacts with the world. He considers his parents experiences with immigration with the opening lines, and then parallels their experiences with the experience of Saint Augustine, as he moved from Numidia to Rome. He recites the lines “See, Augustine / Late have I loved and chose to see / Skin on his skin / A warmth that I can feel with him”, which reference writings by Saint Augustine, yet fuses them with a queer standpoint that finds Blood Orange considering warmth from a man, “skin on skin”. With these lines, Dev Hynes is able to interlace many facets of identity such as sexuality, religion, and race within his songwriting. Blood Orange considers Christian influence he has felt in his life, his queer identity, and the immigrant experiences his family have faced. A key component of Blood Orange’s music is this consideration of identity and how these identities play into modern life and society.

Blood Orange - Domino Records

The conscious consideration of how identities such as race affect people within modern society is continued through the track “Hands Up”, which considers racial injustice and police brutality within America. The song builds from a standpoint that wishes to build compassion and understanding for the people who are affected by police brutality, with Dev Hynes asking “Are you okay? What's in your way?”. This is meant to contrast the dialogue that often follows the news coverage of police brutality, specifically towards people of color, which is often dictated by the demonization of the victim. Instead of asking questions that are meant to dehumanize a person and justify murder or assault, Blood Orange wants to shift the attention to the victim. Who were they, and are they okay? These are questions that need to be asked by the media in order to build empathy and humanize the people who are victimized by state-sanctioned violence. Devonté Hynes further considers racist structures that pervade society within the chorus, “keep your hood off when you're walking cause they,” which is cut off by the repetition “Hands up, get out”. This phrase alludes to the rallying cry “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot”, as well as the shooting of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed black teen who was wearing a hood when he was targeted by a neighborhood watch member who deemed Trayvon to be “suspicious”. Blood Orange is processing these moments in history as well as standing up for the people who were victimized. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Blood Orange stated that singles such as these are meant to “find strength in the realization of how dangerous it is out there... there are people that are pretty oblivious to what’s happening in the world” (http://www.ew.com/article/2016/06/27/dev-hynes-blood-orange-freetown-sound-interview/). Blood Orange is referencing the power music has to communicate political issues such as racism and police brutality. By communicating stories that show empathy, that have emotional appeal, you could spread a message that considers the victim first, that considers justice first. As music spreads, more people may consider the pathos that is presented throughout the song, and consider the weight of the words  “Don’t shoot!” that is chanted as the song closes.

Blood Orange - Crack Magazine (Photo by Emmanuel Olunkwa)

Blood Orange offers a unique perspective with the music he creates. Blood Orange creates music that presents queer perspectives, he is an artist that does not focus on labels. He is an artist that explores themes of sexuality, gender, race, religion, and he is a voice that needs to be listened to. He offers up his queer experiences, he expresses how his identities have shaped his life personally. The intersectionality and accessibility of Blood Orange’s lyrics represent a movement to create music that is able to represent groups that are not always heard within pop culture. There is a tendency for queerness within pop culture to not be intersectional and “lack discourse on race and class within the queer theoretical paradigm” (127https://queertheoryreadinggroup.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/22quare_22studies-2cor_almost_everythingiknowabo.pdf). Blood Orange considers his race, ethnicity, considers religious influence, considers his queer identity, and considers political movements within the lyrics of his songs, dissecting how these identities interplay within his life. At this time within history, it’s very important to consider the stories of all people. It’s important to be aware of what’s going on around us. This consciousness of events and tendency to question the systems in place that are contained by society is instrumental to creating the change that needs to be found within society, and can sometimes be found within the lyrics of a song.

Reference:

Peele, Thomas. Queer Popular Culture: Literature, Media, Film, and Television. Palgrave Macmillan, 2011.

“Why Pop Culture Matters.” Feminism and Pop Culture, by Andi Zeisler, Seal Press, 2008.

[k-hiphop-trash]

AOMG facts

AOMG is an independent R&B and Hip Hop records label created by Jay Park

Jay offered to Simon the coCEO position and he is named the coCEO after a couple of months

AOMG stands for Above Ordinary Music Group or Always On My Grind

The name originally comes from the “Art of Movement (AOM)”. The “Art of Movement” is a Seattle-based B-Boying group which Jay Park joined in 2003 with members such as Dial Tone, Junior, and Cha Cha Malone

In January 2016, CJ E&M acquired some shares on AOMG, allowing the latter to have access to CJ E&M’s distribution channels, marketing resources and international connections

As of October 2016, CJ E&M is the exclusive distributor of AOMG’s releases excluding those of Loco, handled by LOEN Entertainment

AOMG has had multiple collaborations with dance crews and studios including 1MILLION Dance Studio, Prepix and PURPLOW

They have done several tours in Asia and the U.S.

The ‘6′ in A6OVE relates to both Seoul and Seattle area codes

The creation of AOMG is celebrated on October 10th

JAY PARK

PERSONAL FACTS

Name: Park Jaebom ( 박재범) / Jay Park

He was born April 25th 1987 in Edmonds (Washington, US)

He is from Seattle (Korean-American)

He is 170 cm and 60 kg (Although he said in a SNL cut that he was 1 cm taller than Ssam D. so he would be 171 (Not sure if he was kidding though)

His Blood type is A

His religion is Christianism

He has a younger brother, called Jehan

He attended Edmonds Woodway High School

He started writing raps during high school

He attended Dankook University

He likes basketball

He has been learning Chinese

His favourtire group is 2NE1

He respects BigBang a lot because they’re really talented

He loves drawings that fans give him

He likes cool, laid-back girls with a nice smile.

He always wanted to prove people that he can rap in Korean, but he also likes doing R&B

His favourite colour is blue

His favourite cereals are Lucky Charms

He visits fancafes and reads what fans say about him

He wears clothers that fans give him as gifts

On the last episode of 2PM’s Idol Army, as the top member Jay won 70 GB of porn on DVD (this was mentioned in Weekly Idol)

He doesn’t get embarrased a lot because he feels that “life goes on”

In an interview for I-D, they asked him what was his everyday personality, and he answered: 

 In general, when you’re talking about life, I’m just a regular guy, I just ate a Shake Shack burger, like, now I need to do 100 sit-ups. But I’ve always been sort of rebellious, when someone says: “You have to do this,” it never makes sense for me to do it. Like, why can’t a K-Pop person swear, why can’t they have half-naked ladies in a music video. It’s just a music video, why not? I’m a nice guy when it comes to daily life, but when it comes to society and how people think things should be a certain way, I have to challenge those invisible rules.

His favourite artists are Eminem, Usher, Musiq Soulchild, Drake and Method Man. Usher, Michael Jackson and Chris Brown influence him and are an inspiration for him 

His ideal type is Bora

He has two dachshunds, called Pj (whose name stands for Peatry Jr) and Oscar (their IG is @pjxoscaraomg)

He writes and composes his own songs, produces his albums, chooses the people he wants to work with, and participates in the mastering and mixing of his songs

He  writes songs both in English and Korean. He admits that he is more at ease when writing songs in English than in Korean, as he started learning Korean in his late teens. 

Having grown up listening to music of American artists, he admits his music sounds more “American” than Korean 

His musical process starts by listening to a lot of beats sent by various producers, while thinking of what kind of song he wants to write, and eventually short-listing a selection of potential beats to work with. Then, he works on the melody of the song, along with ideas and lyrics. He writes the hook of the song first, and finally the verses. He is inspired by everything when writing songs : “just listening to good songs, seeing a good live performance, having good conversations with people. Just everyday life”. 

Some songs he wrote are influenced by songs from other artists

He has the same hairdresser as Zion.T, Simon D,Gray and Crush

He prefers being called ‘oppa’

His favourite alcoholic beverage is champagne

He can’t drink tequila because he gets drunk very fast

Whenever they find a good girl around them, Jay plays a bad guy on purpose to make Simon D look like a good guy. And then, Jay leaves quickly with a wink at Simon D

He does cleaning in the AOMG office

He doesn’t like muscular or skinny girls. He prefers girls that are slightly chubby. He also likes girls taller than him

He is interested in mixed martial arts

Zico and Crushed revealed that whenever they go out to eat, Jay always pays the bill

If he had to choose between love or friendship, he would give up on both of them, because he wouldn’t be able to decide

His first kiss was with a Vietnamese girl

He doesn’t wear cologne

He considered signing with YG but he decided to create his own label

He cried when he watched Toy Sotry 3

He loves buying things for the people he loves

He would like to spend his honeymoon in Hawaii

When he was younger his dream was to study animals and become a scientist. He wanted to go to Africa and Australia and hide to take pictures of animals

He drools while sleeping

His favourtire Korean male and female artists are Crush and Tasha

His favourite female singer is Beyonce

He doesn’t like playing loud music when he’s driving and he get’s nervous when his friends make noise

After posting or tweeting something he always reads the comments

When he is drunk he’s unable to reject a person and tends to become very friendly

He is scared of heights

He dreams in both Korean and English depending on who appears in his dream

His favorite season of the year is summer

His brother Jehan looks after Cafe Dudart

Jay has stated that when he first went to Korea, he couldn’t converse with all the new people he met, due to not being able to speak the language very well, and he didn’t know what to eat. He says he cried every day for the first two weeks he was in Korea, but decided to work hard even though he wanted to go back home, to not disappoint his parents

The name of his fanclub is J-Effect and his fans are called Jwalkerz (he has jwalkerz tattoed on his back because “fans always got my back”). Its pose represents his roots as a b-boy and its official colours are black and yellow When he signs someone for AOMG, he looks not only at their music, but at what they talk about, how they perform, their image, and how they are as a person. He says: “ They can be the greatest rapper in the world but if they’re an asshole I don’t want to work with them, they don’t have to be at AOMG”

PROFESSIONAL FACTS

He is founder and co-CEO of AOMG, along with Simon Dominic (although Jay owns more percentage of the company)

He has recently created H1GHR MUSIC RECORDS with Cha Cha Malone

He is a singer, rapper, songwriter, producer, actor, dancer,  b-boy, model, choreographer and entrepreneur

In 2003, he joined Art of Movement (AOM), a Seattle-based B-boying group 

In 2004, Jay’s mother suggested him to audition for the Korea-based company JYP Entertainment, which brought him to Korea in January 2005 to receive further training in dancing, rapping, singing, and the Korean language After passing an audition in the US, he signed a contract with JYP Entertaiment and moved to South Korea to be a trainee

He practiced singing and Korean for 4 years and eventually debuted as leader of 2PM in 2008. After a controversy about some messages he wrote on his personal Myspace back in 2005 when he was still a trainee, he was forced to leave 2PM. He wrote messages about how bad was South Korea (He was in a foreign country, he didn’t knew the language nor the culture, he had no friends or family there. He was going trough a lot). Although outraged protesters demanded that Park should be removed from 2PM, JYP Entertainment’s CEO, Park Jin-young, stated on September 7, 2009, that he was going to continue as a part of the groupThe following day, Jay announced on his official fancafe that he would be leaving the group to calm the situation and return to his hometown, Seattle. He also apologized to the other 2PM members

He went back to Seattle in 2009

His vocals weren’t removed from the older songs he promoted with 2PM 

Through their acceptance speeches at end-of-year award shows for “Again & Again”, the members of  2PM thanked Jay and reiterated their wish for his return. At the Mnet Asian Music Awards, the group paid homage to him during their performance of “Again & Again” with a spotlight shown over his usual position in the dance formation and his lines left unsung. However, some 2PM fans said that the members used to insult Jay after his departure

After returning to Seattle Jay worked at a local tire shop, because he didn’t want to rely on his parents

Soon after Jay returned to the United States, the South Korean public changed their perspective on the matter when they realised that his Myspace messages had been severely mistranslated and taken out of context, in addition to strong fan support for Jay’s return

On February 25, with Jay’s comeback looking more and more likely, JYP suddenly announced that Jay Park’s contract with them had been terminated, citing a separate “personal mistake” that Park had made in 2009. JYP would make reference to this unknown event several times in 2010, but would never elaborate on any details

“It’s not illegal, but it will be a very big scandal socially. We cannot reveal it for the sake of Jay Park. Even Sidus was curious and released articles of asking us to tell the reason. But we have to keep it a secret for Jay Park. He committed the act during AAA promotion without letting his members know. As soon as the members found out, they stated that they could not promote with him as a group anymore.”

This termination had been agreed by all 6 members of 2PM and led to fan boycotts on 2PM-endorsed products. Protests for Jay’s return to the group began to take place, not only in South Korea, but internationally as well. Various Jay Park-dedicated forums and fansites all over the world organized silent protests and flash dance mobs. Fans also hired a plane with a banner showing "J, what time is it now?” to fly over Seattle, and was broadcast on Seattle-based radio stations

On June 15, 2010, B.o.B released “Nothin’ on You” featuring Jay Park, in South Korea, where he replaces Bruno Mars’ vocals. His YouTube cover helped contribute to much of the song’s success in Korea, with more than 5 million copies sold. He subsequently thanked his fans for their support and continued to urge them not to hate remaining 2PM members

Los Angeles-based entertainment attorney Ned Sherman, CEO of Digital Media Wire, announced on May 28 that he was representing Jay as his legal representative. Sherman and his wife Tinzar reached out to Park, after seeing Jay’s story and feeling bad about what happened to him during the MySpace controversy. The Shermans and Jay worked on a lot of projects together, including his movie deal for Hype Nation, an endorsement deal with dENiZEN, Levi Strauss & Co.’s new brand, and others

SidusHQ defended Jay against claims made by Park Jin Young…

“We hope that Park Jaebeom will no longer be wounded by his former company and will be allowed to actively promote himself. We would like to express our gratitude towards the people that continue to support and regard him with warm eyes. We greet you once more with a better image. Thank you.“

In March 2010, he uploaded a cover video of B.o.B’s ”Nothin’ on You“, with his own rap and lyrics, to YouTube, which went viral and reached over 2,000,000 views in less than 24 hours

He debuted in 2010 as a solo artist, under the name Jay Park, with his EP “Count on me (믿어줄래)”He returned to South Korea in June 2010 for the filming of Hype Nation

He became the first ever artist crowned winner on a debut stage by winning on KBS’Music Bank with "Abandoned”, and was the only solo artist to win “Record of the Year” at the 2011 Golden Disk Awards

His English mixtape ,Fresh air: Breath it, which became the first mixtape by an Asian artist to have gold status by surpassing 100,000 downloads on DatPiffIn 2011, he was chosen to be the sole opener for Ne-Yo in his first concert in Seoul. He also cooperated with Ne-Yo for a charity event for children dreaming to become musicians

In 2012, several songs composed and written by Park for other artists were released

Also in 2012, he became a fixed panel member on MBC's Come to Play

In May 2012,  it was revealed that he would be participating in the soundtrack of After Earth, after having been personally contacted by Will Smith and Jaden Smith. The song, titled “I Like 2 Party”, is written and composed by Jay himself. He attended red carpet premiere in Korea along with Will and Jaden Smith

In 2013, he started his own records label, AOMG

He participated in the drama Vampire Idol and in the movies Mr. Idol and Hype Nation

He was producer in SMTM4 and Unpretty Rapstar season 2

He was part of the SNL permanent cast between 2013 and 2015

He participated in shows like Inmortal Songs 2 and Dancing 9 season 2

He has collaborated with artists like Dok2, Swings and Dumbfoundead

He is producer in SMTM6, along with Dok2 

He tried to join Illionaire before founding AOMG, but Dok2 and The Quiett rejected him (they are really good friends though)

He has won a lot of music awards

He has recently signed under Roc Nation

SIMON DOMINIC

PERSONAL FACTS

Name:  Simon Dominic (사이먼 도미닉) / Simon D. (사이먼 디) / Ssam D. (쌈 디)

Real name:  Jung Ki Seok (정기석)

He was born March 09th 1984 in Busan (South Korea)

He is 170 cm 

His blood type is AB

He has a younger brother

He attended  Namsan High School (Busan) and Gyeongju University

He attended the same High School as CNBLUE’s Yonghwa with whom he is good friends

He is good friends with B2ST Kikwang. One night, Kikwang asked Sam to tell him about his girlfriends, and Sam was about 5 hours talking.

He is friends with Miss A’s Min

He is in a group of friends called “Chocoball”(artists with type blood AB)  , which includes Kim Heechul, Mitra Jin, Hongki and some others

He was in a relationship with Lady Jane for 6 years (they broke up in 2013)

He did not really have a comfortable life during his debut days and used to be financially troubled

He was exempt from military service after losing the retina of his left eye. He said he came to AOMG mainly because of Gray, since he thinks Gray is a genious producing music)

He likes fashion

He met Jay at a club

On a broadcast of  JTBC’s ‘Witch Hunt, Simon told that his first sexual experience was with a girl 6 years older. He also said: “It’s weird. I think even these things my girlfriend do are cute. I haven’t farted before in front of her. But one day my girlfriend suddenly rushed into the bathroom. Even though she turned on the water, I heard everything. It wasn’t dirty. One time I opened the toilet lid to look at her waste and noticed that she hadn’t flushed. It smelled but I didn’t dislike it. I think it’s because I loved her." 

In E-Sens trial for using marijuana, he stated: “I feel some responsibility for the fact that E-Sens has become like this.” He adds, “While we were working together, I was busy because I was also doing solo work at the same time and trying to make a living.”“I feel sorry because I think I didn’t do my duty as his hyung,” he continues. “I am now more available, both in terms of time and emotionally. I’ll be close by his side, even if it’s not often, and I’ll do my best to look after him even more than I would if he was my real younger brother.” He was involved in a diss battle involving Swings and other rappers On ’Radio Star,’ Swings appeared and talked about Simon D. He said: ”I heard that Simon D came out on 'Radio Star’ and said that he originally had no intention to take part in the diss battle until I provoked him.  Honestly, that put me in a bad mood.After hearing that, I called him up first to personally tell him that it made me feel bad. Simon D is a bit sly, right?  He told me, 'We could make a great picture,’ so I met up with him and talked to him, and we had a good discussion,“  ”You guys do a lot of video messages, right?  Can I just send him a video message?“  ”Simon D.  A lot happened between us … Things became awkward between us, but I miss you.  Do well.“

He and Gray have a ship name, Simon choose the name himself: SimG

PROFESIONAL FACTS

His stage name is a combination of Simon, Wesley Snipes’ character from the movie Demolition Man, and Dominic, his baptismal name

He is co-CEO of AOMG 

He first appeared in the Korean underground Hip-Hop scene under the name K-Outa

He was leader of Illest konfusion crew

He participated in the drama Standby

He participated in TV shows like Running Man, Immortal Songs 2 and Mix & Match

He was producer in SMTM 5 along with Gray and they won with BewhY 

He appeared in Jay Park’s Mommae MV

He has collaborated with artists like Epik High, Lessang, Dumbfoundead and Vasco

He won the 2010 MBC Broadcasting Entertainment Awards: Variety

On "Sunny’s FM Date”, Simon D made some sexual remarks as jokes.  that made listeners uncomfortable and he had to apologise

He is one of the funniest people in the industry and is known for both his skills and his comedy

His rapping origins begin in his early school days 

He is a former member of Hip-Hop duo Supreme Team along with E-Sens

Supreme Team won several awards during their career, including Best New Male Group at the 2009 Mnet Asian Music Awards and the Hip Hop Award at the 2010 Golden Disk Awards. 

Supreme Team broke up in 2013 when E-Sens left to pursue a solo career

In March 2014, it was confirmed that he would leave Amoeba Culture and become co-CEO of AOMG, along with Jay Park

At his leaving, Amoeba Culture stated  

 "He’s leaving Amoeba, but all of us will continue to support him. He is a loyal and trustworthy friend who will be able to progress and mature in both his music and other pursuits in the entertainment industry.“

And he twitted:

"My contractual obligations with Amoeba Culture ends on January 31st, 2014. I like to thank each and every member of Amoeba Culture for their unending support of me, and I ask that my fans continue their gracious support of me." 

His pre-release single, "Simon Dominic”, achieved a Certified All-Kill on the charts three days after its release and reached #2 on the weekly Gaon Digital Chart

His song “Confortable” with One and Gray (SMTM5) reached  #1 on the weekly Gaon Digital Chart

He appered in King of Masked Singer as a contestant, and he surprised evryone with his enormous skills

He appeared as host in the episode number 154 of SNL Korea

He was cast member in  School Variety 100 Points Out of 100 and Hot Brothers (2010-2011) and in MAPS (2015)

GRAY

Hangeul:  그레이

Real name: Lee SungHwa (이성화)

He was born December 08th 1986 in Seoul

He is producer, rapper and singer

He is 168 cm

His blood type is A

He debuted as a singer with his maxi-single “Call me Gray” under AOMG

As a producer, he has worked with artists like Dok2 and Beenzino

He appeared in Mix & Match and 4 Thing Show

He was producer in SMTM5, along with Simon D.

He plays the piano and the guitar, instruments that he uses for composing

His song “Confortable” with One and Simon D. (SMTM5) reached  #1 on the weekly Gaon Digital Chart

He is part of the VV:D (pronounced VIVID) crew, along with Zion T. (leader), Loco, Elo and Crush

He appeared in Zion T’s “Babay” MV, along with the VV:D members

He collaborated in Jay Park’s “Metronome” and “Drive”

He produced Gary’s “Showe later”

He produced several songs by Swings

His ideal type is someone kind, with beauty eyes and beauty smile

He has a tattoo above his left elbow, 4 Chinese characters representing the members of his family: his father, his mother, his sister and him

He participated in the mini web-dama “Love is…”

He appeared on ep. 154 of SNL Korea

He appeared on K-POP Planet, along with Loco and in Radio Star

He likes fashion and loves bying clothes and shoes (but not a Dok2′s level, he said)

He is the type who saves money

He once vomited in front of the girl he liked

10002 in Gray’s Dangerous actually means ‘a lot’. 10000 (만 man) + 2 (이 ee) = a lot. It also sound like “many” in English

He writes his own lyrics but usually just does the beat for other artists

He worked with a team which produced kpop and idol music and there he learned skills to be an engineer. In early 2012, the team disbanded and he decided to do his own music

His ideal type is Park Bo Young

His major was computer science at Hongik University  but he didn’t graduate from university. He applied for a leave of absence after 3 semesters. He then decided to pursue music

He confirmed on Radio Star that he is among the 10 highest earner producers for copyrights

He taught Zion T. how to take selfies

He is close friends with Jessi

He likes girls with neat teeth when smiling and are shorter than him 

He started to compose when he was in grade 1 and debuted when he was 27

He had a mind to start doing music in earnest in 2010 after he was discharged from the military service

The voice of Gray’s producer tag is Zion T’s voice

He chose Gray has his artist name because gray it’s not black neither white and it has a lot of shades, just like him

He had another artist name previously, but he doesn’t want to say it

He joined the team which was making Kpop and idol music. He didn’t feel the need to have a stage name at that time and making idol music wasn’t what he liked to do, but he thought there were many things he could learn from the teammates. He leaned skills to be an ‘engineer’ step by step there, not to be an artist. He thinks he learned a lot there and it was a good experience to him. In early 2012, the team disbanded and he decided to do his own music he wanted to do and he made a new start as Gray

When he was asked about Elo’s sexually explicit lyrics, he said Elo tends to be abnormally obsessed with it and thinking he should be sexy. Gray thinks it should be done sophisticatedly to be sexy. If not, people will think it dirty

He used to use sampling a lot, because he couldn’t play keyboard, now , he makes songs playing instruments 

After releasing Swings’ ‘A Real Lady’, 5 or 6 companies (both KHH and KPOP) contacted him in a week and asked him to join them

When he was asked why he had chosen AOMG, he answered:

First, I liked him {Jay Park] very much. I could trust him. I chose him because we were chasing the same thing about music. Moreover, I felt we fit together in many points besides music. Definitely I pursue original and (American) native color in many ways, and Jay was definitely showing native color. We, VVD crew’s goal is to be competitive when we are compared to the (American) native artists, so we’ve been thinking highly of him. I was not so close with him in person, but you know, there’s some feeling that we can feel when we meet someone. I was 28 years old last year, I was not too young. I thought he was humane when I first saw him, and he looked very cool with a great mind and his move has been great so far. I think he has contributed a lot (to hiphop). He brought his fandom to this (hiphop) scence and I think he and Illonaire were a win-win relationship. So I didn’t have anything to agonize in many ways. I am not the person who only raps and I do both hiphop and R&B so I thought AOMG would be perfet for me because there would be many things I could do there.

He thinks that AOMG was the company that could support him without interfere, and that they could grow together

He  has a ship name with Simon, Simon choose the name himself: SimG

He has his own studio, GrayGround

He and Loco went to the same univertsity (Hongik University)  and got close because of that

Jwalkerz from Korea called him 'Soray’ because all he knows to do is working and working (So is cow in Korean )

LOCO

Hangeul:  로꼬

Real name: Kwon Hyuk Woo (권혁우)

He was born December 25th 1989 in Seoul

He is 175 cm 

His nickname is Gochoo

He studied Economics in Hongik University 

He speaks English

In College he would drink a lot before shows and people would call him crazy, that’s why he chose his stage name, “Loco”, which means “crazy” in Spanish

Gray and him went to the same university (Hongik Unviersity) and got close because of that

His stage name used to be Demaine, which Gray chose  for him.  However, he thought it was too plain and simple, and he also thought his personality was also plain and simple, so he changed it 

He used to stutter when he was younger and it became a serious problem for him while growing up. At that time he came to know hip hop and he found it amazing how rappers express their inner thoughts freely

He was inspired by Kanye West and CB Mass, whom he listened to with his friends

He and his friends decided that they also wanted to compose and they formed a group called “Satgotbong” (which is why his instagram is “Satgotloco”), this was the name of the sauna that was located in their neighborhood. They all had the idea that if they were to do shows like any other rapper, it would be boring, so they decided to wear those particular clothes that they used in the saunas while making their shows

He debuted on Sept 4, 2012 with the single “See the Light”

He went through a fake contract before participating in SMTM

He won the first season of Show Me The Money

At the time of participating in Show Me The Money, he had little experience due to his young age and didn’t have much to talk about but, after wining the show, he went through lots of things which helped to discover more about himself, find a right tone and write more lyrics

He appeared in Happy Together and SNL Korea

He was producer, along with Jay park, in Show Me The Money 4

He is part of the VV:D crew, along with Crush, Elo, Zion T. and Gray

He auditioned to be part of BTS, but he wasn’t chosen

He appears in Jay Park’s Mommae MV

He appears in Zico’s Tough Cookie MV

He has collaborated with artists such as Jay Park, Elo and Gray, Dean, DPR Live and Crucial Star

He appeared in Immortal Songs Season 2

He released his mini album, Locomotive, in November 28.2014

He has recently released an album, ‘Bleached’

He won a Melon Music Award in the “Best OST” category for his track “Spring Is Gone by Chance,” which was on “The Girl Who Sees Smells” OST

Loco has previously said that he lost eight Kilograms of fat because when he had taken a photo with Jay Park and a few others behind the scenes at a Jay Park concert, he thought he looked like a pig and that inspired him to lose weight

His song ‘Hold Me Tight’ was supposed to be Jay’s song, but he gave it to Loco 

‘Thinking About You’ was supposed to be a title track of Jay’s album but Jay handed it over to Loco because he thought the song would fit better on Locomotive 

He has  done his enlistment

He is part of an anti smoking campaign, along with Jay

In 2014, he got in a controversy after using the Islamic prayer (azan) in ‘Act Serious’.  On November 28, LOCO re-tweeted an apology from producer WallE and apologized himself for any offense he had caused. The producer also apologized to the rapper, stating that LOCO was not even aware of the azan sample being used in the track

He explained that after he won the first season of Mnet′s Show Me The Money, he signed with a new label that didn′t have the means to support him. Though he desired to leave the label, the penalty for breaking the contract was 200 million won

 "That′s when I met Jay Park, and Jay Park said that if I agreed to join AOMG, he would pay the penalty. And my first track with AOMG ′Hold Me Tight′ did so well that I was able to pay my debt back to him in full.“ 

He likes Descendants of the Sun

When Jay was asked if he had been influenced by Gray when he decided to contact Loco for AOMG, Jay answered: 

When we started, there were only me, Gray, Jeongoon and Chacha. Jeongoon and Chacha are composers, so there were only two artists, me and Gray. So I was observing Loco with interest. I have heard about him a lot from Gray, and I asked Dok2 how he was. In fact, Dok2 rarely praises anyone, but he told me Loco was good, so I thought he might be good. I met him often with Gray and I thought it would be good to be with him

CHA CHA MALONE

Hangeul: 차차말론

Real name: Chase Vincent Malone

He was born May 25th 1987 in Seattle

He is a  singer, producer, songwriter and composer

He is half Filipino and half African American

He was raised only by his single mother

His first passions were art and illustration

He started playing the piano by ear at 7

He was influenced by his mother who used to write songs and sing in a band

He used to write rap verses in third grade

He has participated in online beat battles at Rocbattle

In 2005 he appeared in episode of MTV’s Made

He graduated from The Art Institute of Seattle in 2009, earning a B.F.A. in Media Arts and Animation 

He is part of AOMG and co-CEO of H1GHR MUSIC

He started doing b-boying when he was 12 with his friends at the Seattle-based b-boy crew Art of Movement (AOM)

He is  is widely known for his work with Jay Park

His producer tag is “ I need a Cha Cha Beat Boy”

In 2009, he sent friend and fellow Art of Movement member, Jay Park, who had recently returned to Seattle from South Korea, a folder of beats to see if he was interested in collaborating

Since then, both formed a strong partnership into the producing music and writing songs

In 2011, he released an EP, Breakthrough, through iTunes and Bandicamp

Also in 2011,he produced four of the seven tracks  on Jay’s EP, ‘Take A Deeper Look’, which went on to win a Golden Disk Award

He also released "Single Life”, which featured Jay Park, as a free download in September 2011

In 2012, he   became a member of production team, Iconic Sounds LLC

He has produced and worked with many other artists, like Red Velvet, U-Kiss, Dok2, The Quiett and Beenzino

The voice on Woogie’s producer tag ’ Woogie on and on’ is Cha Cha’s

The voice of his producer tag, ’ I need a Cha Cha beat boy’, is Vivian, who’s friends with some of the members of AOMG

UGLY DUCK

Hangeul:  어글리덕

Real name: Sun Ju Kyung (선주경)

He was born January 19th 1991 in Gwangju

He started as an underground rapper in Buckwilds Crew when he was 20 (in 2011) 

He is also part of the Do’Main crew

He joined AOMG in 2014, along with Dj Wegun

He has collaborated with artists like Andup, Giriboi, Okasian, Dok2 and Cjamm

He started writing hip hop lyrics when he entered in high school 

He used to play clarinet at high school’s band, which helped him to improve his breathing and vocalization for rapping

He used to have another stage name but he changed it

Although his artistic name is “Ugly Duck”, he says he isn’t concern about his looks and he likes the way he is

It has a lot of meanings. If you translate it literally, well, it means an ugly duck. Of course, it relates somewhat to my appearance as well. Despite the word “ugly” connoting something negative, I wanted to twist that into giving off the ambience of “I’m still better than you even if I’m ugly.” This is also why I wrote down the lyrics, “I don’t care about being a swan. I like being like this.” But the biggest reason behind this name is that I wanted to rap “ugly.” There’s the phrase, “Ugly truth” and if you reverse it, it becomes “Truth is ugly” meaning I’m the truth! I guess I just felt compelled to the word “ugly” and thought of it as cool. Of course, I still think it’s cool to this day. I like it because it feels like hip hop. I started going by this…well, I had another penname before this one but at the time, I didn’t really have the determination to dive into rapping but once I did, I went by this (Ugly Duck) name.

He has a lot of tattos in his arms

He released his debut album ‘Scene Stealers’, with Jay Park, on July 2016

He is good friends with Zico

He likes to be a DJ

He released his first mixtape named ‘Ugly Shit’ November 2011

‘Ugly Boy’ is his favourite song by himself

He doesn’t have a role model

HOODY

Hanguel:  후디

Real Name: Kim Hyun Jung (김현정)

She was born February 11th 1990

She is 173 cm

She is a R&B singer

She debuted in 2013 with “My Ride” 

She joined AOMG in 2015, and she still is the only female artist in the label

She writes her own songs and also participates in the production and  arrangement 

She is a member of an all female underground crew called Amourette (AMRT) along with KittiB

She dated Coke Jazz

She participated in the Follow The Movement tour in 2016

She appeared in Sukira Kiss the Radio in December 2016

She has a SoundCloud profile

She has collaborated with artists like Loco and Jay Park

She got the offer to sign with AOMG because of Elo (they had worked together)

It was announced that she was a new member of AOMG at the second anniversairy party

ELO

Hangeul:  엘로

Real name: Oh Min Taek  (오민택)

He was born February 11th 1991 in Ansan (South Korea)

He is 176 cm

His blood type is A

He is an R&B singer

He debuted in 2005

He has collaborated with artists like Swings, Sik-K and Owen Ovadoz

His favourite artists are Mayer Hawthorne and Jessie J

R.Kelly and Frank Ocean are influences for him

He is part of the VV:D crew, along with Gray, Loco, Zion T. and Crush

He has a girlfriend

He has the word ‘mono’ tattoed on his ear becauase of an medical problem (he cant hear with on of his ear)

He did an European tour in 2017 with Dj Pumki

He has also done his entlistment

He likes football and always plays with his friends

DJ PUMKIN

Hangeul:  펌킨

Real name: Kim Soohyuk (김수혁)

He was born July 29th 1982

He is DJ and producer

He is part of Back&Forth since 2011 along with others like DJ Wegun and Primary

He was in Amoeba Culture

He joined AOMG in 2014

He did an European tour in 2017 with Elo

DJ WEGUN

Hangeul:  DJ 웨건

Ral name: Kim Myung Jun (김명준)  

He was born September 24th 1986 in Seoul

He is 170cm

He is a DJ and producer

He joined Seoul Company in 2004 and released two EPs (’Wheel of Steel’ and ‘School of Dummies’)

In 2010, the company shut down due to lack of revenue

He is part of Back&Forth since 2011

He is part of FreshAvenue and Buckwilds

He joined AOMG, along with Ugly Duck, in 2014

He has collaborated with artists like Zico, Rhythm Powr, Crucial Star and The Quiett

HEP

He is AOMG’s graphic designer

He is part of AOM

He was born July, 17 1989

WOO WON JAE

His stage name is Munch (뭉크).

His real name is 우원재 (Woo WonJae).

He was born on 26th December 1996.

He is 1,69cm.

He participated in Show Me The Money 6. He was passed by Tiger JK and continued to impress the judges due to his lyrics and rap style.

He was in team Tiger JK & Bizzy in SMTM6.

He was third place in SMTM6.

He was eliminated before he could perform “We Are” with Loco and Gray. The song is available worldwide in many platforms such as iTunes and Spotify.

He is part of the street art crew Plutonic Seoul.

He attends Hongik University.

He met Loco and Gray (AOMG) at Hongik University and all three of them were part of a crew called “Brainswords”.

Gray used to tutor him and said he is a hardworking student who always finishes his homework.

He has a few tattoos: a skeleton on his hand, that same arm tattooed, and a branch on his neck. The neck tattoo was done by the same artist that tattooed Dean, C.Jamm and Zelo.

His trademark beanie style became a trend after he appeared in SMTM6.

His lyrics are about his life experiences and personal situation.

He is good friends with Olltii.

He was called a demon rapper during SMTM by the other contestants, and was compared to Ignito, the rapper he chose for the 1vs1 battle.

He started rapping 1 year prior to SMTM6.

He stated that he chose rap above other music styles because is the one that adapts the most to what he wants to tell.

He was portrayed as someone without a lot of expression during SMTM, but he himself said that he actually smiles quite often, although he also said that he is not very good at celebrating things.

2PM’s rumours regarding Jay (and others):

http://playlikearainbow.tumblr.com/post/11310876063/2pms-dirty-little-secrets-as-told-by-their-loyal

https://forums.soompi.com/en/topic/248306-shocking-translated-2pms-sasaeng-fan-accounts/

http://taecyonie.tumblr.com/post/68694062091/2pm-sasaeng-accounts-fake-exclusive-detective

https://baconbaekhonbaekhyun.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/sasaeng-fans-started-a-rumor-nichkhun-and-jaebeom-2pm-was-bullied-by-the-other-members/

http://kpopunited.blogspot.com.es/2010/03/2pm-ugly-truth.html

http://kpopselca.com/forum/k-pop/where-does-the-assumption-that-2pm-are-douchebags-come-from-t23546/page15.html

Jay talks about 2PM and JYP:

http://www.allkpop.com/article/2016/03/jay-park-answers-what-he-thinks-of-jy-park-and-whether-he-keeps-in-touch-with-2pm-members

http://www.allkpop.com/article/2011/05/jay-park-opens-up-about-his-current-relationship-with-2pm

http://www.allkpop.com/article/2017/02/jay-park-talks-about-trainees-getting-hit-when-they-made-mistakes-his-past-myspace-controversy

http://kpopkfans.blogspot.com.es/2016/03/jay-park-mentions-jyp-and-2pm-in-his.html

http://aminomail.com/page/k-pop/9443522/get-to-know-loco-aomg-artist

It took a while, but here you are!

PD: It feels so wrong having so much information about Jay and so littleabout the others… But I can’t do anything Y.Y I tried my best

Sources: 

Wikidrama, Wikipedia, IG, SNL, Youtube, The Cut, Kpopstarz, Allkpop, Amino Apps, Kpopeurope, kprofiles.com, 

http://fy-loco.tumblr.com/profile

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AOMG

http://www.allkpop.com/article/2015/09/simon-d-admits-his-first-sexual-experience-was-with-a-girl-six-years-older

http://ssam-d.tumblr.com/facts

http://netizenbuzz.blogspot.com.es/2014/06/simon-d-apologizes-for-making-sexual.html

http://kprofiles.com/loco-profile-facts/

http://jayparkquotes.tumblr.com/archive

http://www.kpopeurope.eu/en-exclusive-interview-with-gray-part-1/?lang=en

Thx to @aomgworldwide and those lovely anons

Facts in italics are those I’m not sure about

In case something is incorrect or you have any more facts don’t doubt to tell me!

[itsninethirtyam]

The Modern Ken

The Modern Ken.

Dolls, Recycled boxes, toys, paint and fabric. 14 x 10 x 2 Ven Rupert Vilvar

This artwork is one is inspired by an artist who turned everyday men into ken dolls in real life. As someone who grew up with Barbie and Ken dolls as a child it really meant a lot to me to see people in the LGBTQ and minority groups such as people of color represented in a toy brand that is predominantly known for having icons of Caucasian race.

I created these pieces of art for a number of reasons. One of which is because I wanted to make a statement. Dolls are played by children for educational and imaginative play. This can be seen in different ways. One way is so that they can imagine a world that is beyond what is real, or they can imagine themselves as other things. Just like how kids use dolls to pretend to be things I wanted to speak to my inner child and go back to what I wanted to have back then. With that in mind and how it connects myself to these artworks, they basically represent the things I have always wanted to see that in something that is so juvenile yet so telling of today’s society.

One of the dolls I dubbed “Tyler the Influencer”. He is inspired by the influencers I enjoy watching and he in particular is a representation of things that I enjoy seeing in the media today. In my imagination Tyler is an influencer and Instagram model who is part of the LGBT community. He may not look like he’s part of the LGBT but that’s also part of the statement. The statement that not all LGBT influencers look a certain way and that influencers are more than just their sexuality. To go into detail, he is posing in front of a mansion and he is wearing an outfit that can be seen on an influencer on Instagram. It consists of a pink los angels tank top with a pink jacket, grey sweatpants and white converse and wears black clout shades. His box is also covered in trendy prints and colors such millennial pink, racer checkerboards and various designs regarding Malibu and his name in a very trendy font. The reason for this design is to show how I see influencers and what they would wear to me. Even if there were no influencers before it, I wish I had someone to look up to who I could relate to and I feel like a lot of reasons influencers are so popular is that the fact that there is a sense of intimacy between them and their audience. If I were a child nowadays and I saw this on the shelves I would for sure ask my parents to buy it for me.

The second box has a more political statement because it is a set that features two male dolls in a gay wedding set. This also has some childhood memories tied to it because as a child I had a wedding set but it was Ken and Barbie but it this case I named them Noah and Daniel respectively and I wanted to use Filipino looking dolls to show that I really want to push same sex marriage in the Philippines specifically and by using dolls I wanted to show that marriage is simply just love. It’s not about gender, race or religion it’s about love. And I wanted to use dolls to show that this idea should be simple and clear enough that a child alone could understand it, let alone an entire nation. The dolls are dressed in matching tuxedos with and are posed in front of a wedding arc and the box is covered in simple white patterns with the words “Husbands Wedding Set” in the front and an invitation to their wedding at the back. Again, this is both a very political and nostalgic way of how I view art and what I aim to show the world and through what means I want to show them.

The car is also a bonus toy item that I thought would look cute as a little addition to the playset. Tyler can post it on ig or Noah and Daniel can drive it after getting married. Dolls have always been something I found comfort in both while playing and imagining as a child and even as of now. They bring me joy and spark creativity. In terms of how I see this standing out, I see it as something that makes people both think about our current political climate and makes people think about how much times have changed and how the current generation sees the world. Because even if their just toys. Toys have and always will be a reelection of the society we live in and there’s nothing wrong with a little imagination

[sarah--writes-blog]

Big-Ass Character Sheet

So I just dug up this character sheet that a friend in my creative writing class gave me a few years back. I’m not sure where she got it, but I use it for all my OCs. It covers a lot of things from multiple genres so this works for humans and mythical creatures and other beings alike!

I’ll keep most of it under the cut (it is LONG), but here are some interesting ones to show you how all-encompassing this is.

The Anima/Animus (The part of the character of a different gender)

Gait (The speed and style which how your character moves.)

Type of lover (Eros/pragma/banquet/mania/ludus/storge)

Intelligence (Linguistic/logical/spatial/kinesthetic/musical/interpersonal/intrapersonal/naturalist)

Influences (Who or what inspires your character to change? Do they influence anyone else?)

Savvy (What is your character particularly well-informed of?)

Weaknesses (make it something that your character exclusively is weak to, and keep it credible)

Immunities (Be very careful with this one)

Restrictions (An absolute necessity for those with supernatural powers. Ex. Can only breathe fire when angry or can only cast darkness spells two times a day)

Tagline (Something your character says a lot in everyday sentences. Can often be filled with a sound or vocalization.)

Signature Quote: (Something significant your character says. Doesn’t have to be meaningful, just make it memorable.)

I hope this is useful to people!

Full Name

Pronunciation

Nickname/Alias

Meaning

Origin of Name

Title

Pet Name

ID Number (tournaments, prison, school, etc.)

Gender

Gender Role (Does your character generally act more feminine or masculine?)

Orientation

Real Age

Age Appearance

Birthday

Deathday

Astrological Sign (Western)

Zodiac Sign (Eastern)

Immediate Family (Who was your character raised by?)

Distant Family (The ones they don’t see every day)

Parenting (Were parents strict or fun-loving?)

Upbringing (What morals and ideals were your characters raised with?)

Infancy (What was it like when your character was a baby? Were they nurtured or dropped at birth?)

Childhood (3-12) (What was it like for your character growing up as a kid?)

Adolescence (13-17, Teen Years)

Adulthood (18+, When your character has fully matured. If your character isn’t yet an adult, plan what would happen to them in the future.)

Coming of Age (When and how did your character “Grow up”?)

Evolution (How has your character changed since they were younger?)

Species

Ethnicity

Blood Type

Preferred Hand

Facial Type (Oval, heart, square, round)

Eye Color

Hair Color

Hairstyle

Skin Tone

Complexion

Makeup

Body type (Endomorph, ectomorph, mesomorph, somewhere in between?)

Build (Long legs, chubby cheeks, muscular arms?)

Height 

Weight 

Cup Size

Facial Hair

Shoe Size

Birthmarks/scars

Distinguishing feature (Something unique that stands out)

Health (How healthy is your character?)

Energy (How much energy does your character have on a daily basis?)

Memory (How well does your character remember things, and what do they remember?)

Senses (Are any of your character’s senses better or worse than others?)

Allergies

Handicaps (Ex. A limp, deafness, missing an eye?)

Medication (What meds do your character take, if any?)

Phobias (Things that simply terrify your character. May be trivial or debilitating. Try to have at least one.)

Addictions (Drugs, alcohol, gambling or bad teen romance)

Mental Disorders (Ex. Depression, Bipolar, Paranoia, optional)

Style (The overall style your character shows, not just limited to clothing)

Mode of Dress (Don’t describe their clothes here. Describe how they wear their clothes. Two people can wear a suit, but each will wear it differently. Ex, is the shirt tucked in?)

Grooming (Well kept or messy?)

Posture (How does your character present themselves? Ex. Stiff, slouchy, suggestive)

Gait (The speed and style which how your character moves.)

Coordination (How physically fit is your character? Also add things like reflexes, etc.)

Habits and Mannerisms (Any nervous ticks or unconscious habits your character might have. Ex nail biting, crosses arms, twirling hair)

Scent (What does your character smell like? Good or bad? How strong?)

Mood (What mood are you most likely to catch your character in?)

Attitude (How does your character interact with others?)

Stability (How emotionally consistent are they?)

Expressiveness (Do they hide emotion or let it out openly?)

When Happy (Ie whistles, sings, skips)

When Depressed (Ex. Lock themself in their room, hugs a stuffed animal)

When Angry (Ex. Punches a wall, screams at people)

Current Residence: (Where does your character live right now?)

Community: (What does the general population act like where your character lives?)

Family: (Include stepfamilies if it applies and label as such)

Friends: (Who does your character hang out with?)

Enemies: (Who does your character despise?)

Bosses: (Who does your character answer to?)

Followers: (Who answers to your character?)

Heroes: (Who does your character look up to?)

Rivals: (Who are they competing with?)

Relates to: (Who is similar to your character?)

Pets/Familiars: (Describe a pet your character owns, real or fantasy and give it a name.)

Wardrobe: (Describe your character’s closet. What is their formal, casual or other kind of wear?)

Equipment: (Refers to tools or weapons your character may use.)

Accessories: (Tattoos, piercings, jewelry, glasses, etc.)

Trinkets: (Applies to but not limited to luck charms, purses, watches or other items they carry with them almost all the time.)

Funds: (How much cash does your character have on hand, and how much at home/in the bank?)

Home: (What is your character’s house like? Describe its overall appearance, and describe such things as the yard, wallpaper, or any other info.)

Neighborhood: (What are the people and places near your character like?)

Transportation: (How does your character get around?)

License Plate Number:

Collections: (Does your character like to hoard or collect anything?)

Most Valuable Possession: (In money)

Prized Possession: (What object does your character value above all else?)

Lovers: (From childhood crushes to exes to a married partner, who does your character love?)

Marital Status: (Ex. single, taken, dating, available)

Sex Life:

Type (of lover): (Eros/pragma/banquet/mania/ludus/storge)

Turn-Ons: (What does your character want to see in their ideal mate?)

Turn-Offs: (What tends to make them back off?)

Position: (Dom/Sub)

Plays:

Fetishes:

Virginity:

Element: (Water/air/fire/earth)

Occupation:

Work Ethic: (How hard does your character work? How do they feel about their job?)

Rank: (How high up are they in the corporate ladder?)

Income: (How much money do they make?)

Wealth Status: (How well financed is your character?)

Experience: (Include things like past jobs or things that contributed to current occupation)

Organizations/Affiliations: (Who does your character side with?)

IQ:

Education: (How good is their education?)

School: (What was their school like?)

Grade: (What grades would they get?)

Special Education: (Did they ever get held back or get honor role?)

Social stereotype: (Ex. Nerd, jock, goth)

Degrees: (What degrees did/would they earn in school?)

Intelligence: (Linguistic/logical/spatial/kinesthetic/musical/interpersonal/intrapersonal/naturalist)

Extracurricular Activities: (Such as PE or Art)

Religion:

Morals: (What does your character find morally right or wrong?)

Crime Record: (Relationship with authority, laws broken, and crimes committed)

Motivation: (What moves your character? Ex. Power, money, love)

Priorities: (What does your character place first, second and third?)

Philosophy: (Your character’s outlook on life)

Political Party:

Etiquette: (How good are your character’s manners? Do they bow or chew with their mouth open?)

Culture: (Any things your character may do specific to a certain culture. Do your research on this one or you could offend people.)

Influences: (Who or what inspires your character to change? Do they influence anyone else?)

Relates to: (Who can your character relate to?)

Traditions: (Does your character sit around the table with family? What holidays do they celebrate?)

Suspersitions: (Spilling salt, knocking on wood?)

Main Goal: (Driving force in the story. May be subject to change)

Minor Goals/Ambitions: (What is your character trying to accomplish)

Career: (What would be your character’s dream job?)

Desires: (What does your character want?)

Wishlist: (What material items does your character want?)

Accomplishments: (Did they succeed in any goals?)

Greatest Achievement:

Greatest Failure:

Secrets: (Everyone has at least one)

Regrets:

Worries: (What do they worry about?)

Best Dream: (What would be the best thing that could possibly happen to your character?)

Worst Nightmare: (The worst thing?)

Best Memories: (A few stand out memories from the past. Keep it short and sweet)

Worst Memories:

Hobbies/Interests: (What does your character like to do for fun?)

Skills/Talents: (Similar to hobbies, but refers to the level of skill a character has. For example, a character could like playing violin but isn’t very good at it or vice versa.)

Likes:

Dislikes: (What can’t they stand?)

Sense of Humor: (Dark/dry/witty/sarcastic/dirty/childish/sophisticated/ironic)

Pet Peeves: (Similar to dislikes, but relates more to human behavior. Ex. When people tap on things)

Superstitions/Beliefs: (Does your character believe in conspiracy theories or aliens? Do they throw salt over their shoulder?)

Dreams/Nightmares: (What do they dream about at night?)

Quirks: (The strange little things that your character does that makes them unique. Ex. Sleeps with feet on the pillow or runs their hand along a pole as they walk beside it)

Savvy: (What is your character particularly well-informed of?)

Can’t Understand: (Something they just can’t get into, such as English literate or sports)

Closet Hobby: (Something that your character likes but isn’t too obvious)

Guilty Pleasure:

Strengths: (What makes them stand a bit above the crowd? (Courageous, listening, calm under pressure. No supernatural abilities here)

Flaws: (Refers to negative personality traits, not a weakness. Make sure it’s a deep flaw that could actually affect your character, not something trivial like “She can’t dance” Ex. Lies constantly, socially backwards, hot-tempered)

Perception: (How does your character generally see the world?)

Conflicts: (What issues make your character want two things, but they can’t have both?)

Instincts: (What are they unconsciously driven to do)

Lures: (What are they inexplicably drawn to be near? Ex. Power, money, the helpless)

Soft Spot: (their vulnerability, what they feel sorry for or have particularly good feelings for.)

Cruel Steak: (What makes a character act against their usual morals, and act especially mean? Everyone has something that can do this to them.

Powers/Abilities: (Here is where to put any superhuman powers and other abilities. Be sure to balance them out with weaknesses, or your character loses credibility.)

Origin: (How did they get their powers?)

Source: (How do they use their powers?)

Ability: (How adept are they at using said powers?)

Weaknesses: (make it something that your character exclusively is weak to, and keep it credible)

Immunities: (Be very careful with this one)

Restrictions: (An absolute necessity for those with supernatural powers. Ex. Can only breathe fire when angry or can only cast darkness spells two times a day)

Alternate Forms: (Transformations, shapeshifting, etc.)

Extra Anatomy: (Such as wings or a third eye)

(Least) Favorite Colors

(Least) Favorite Animals

(Least) Favorite Mythological Creature

(Least) Favorite Places

(Least) Favorite Landmarks

(Least) Favorite Flavors

(Least) Favorite Foods

(Least) Favorite Drinks

(Least) Favorite Characters (Not one of yours)

(Least) Favorite Genre

(Least) Favorite Books

(Least) Favorite Movies

(Least) Favorite Games

(Least) Favorite Shows

(Least) Favorite Music

(Least) Favorite Bands

(Least) Favorite Songs

(Least) Favorite Sports

(Least) Favorite Stores

(Least) Favorite Subjects

(Least) Favorite Numbers

(Least) Favorite Websites

(Least) Favorite Words

(Least) Favorite Quotations

Languages (What languages does your character speak and how fluently?)

Accent

Voice (High/low pitched)

Speech Impediments

Greeting and Farewells (How does your character say hello and goodbye?)

State of Mind: (Ask your character “How are you” and see how they respond)

Compliment: (Have your character say something nice)

Insult: (Have your character insult someone)

Expletive:

Laughter:

Tagline: (Something your character says a lot in everyday sentences. Can often be filled with a sound or vocalization.)

Signature Quote: (Something significant your character says. Doesn’t have to be meaningful, just make it memorable.)

MBTI Personality Type

Temperament

Enneagram

Ego/Superego/ID (Which is your character most driven by?)

The Self

The Shadow (The opposite qualities your character themselves does not believe they possess but do subconsciously)

The Anima/Animus (The part of the character of the opposite gender)

Persona/Mask (What they present to the world, or the side they use to protect themselves)

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Paper代写：The surrealist art of Salvador Dali

下面为大家整理一篇优秀的paper代写范文- The surrealist art of Salvador Dali，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讨论了萨尔瓦多·达利的超现实主义艺术。萨尔瓦多·达利作为二十世纪艺术地位仅次于毕加索的艺术家，他的一生一直充满传奇色彩。达利的超现实主义艺术所追求的，是将他心目中的那种平时表现不出来的梦境，也可以说是潜意识里的东西，通过作品表现出来。所以在看达利的作品时，我们往往能看得懂画中的每一个细节，但那种整体的荒诞和离奇的景象和场面又让人困惑。这种荒诞的恐怖，不合逻辑、夸张而又如此奇妙地创造了一种梦境与现实景象相结合的艺术。

Salvador Dali was born on May 11,1904, in figueras, Catalonia, northeastern Spain. He died on January 23,1989. Dali, like many famous artists, was born in that beautiful and always strange place -- the Mediterranean Sea. The Mediterranean is the cradle of European civilization, producing countless legendary figures, many celebrities with glorious honors, and many great artists. Dali loved the beauty of his hometown, with its familiar vegetation and intoxicating Catalan coast. These peculiar scenes became Dali's best materials for later creation.

Dali can draw the mature landscape painting 6 years old, 7 years, and he has become the idea of napoleon, acting the impressionists at the age of ten, could write at the age of 15 to discuss the Renaissance Michelangelo and da ・ Vinci art review, 17 years old study fauvism style, cubism, 19, learning style, early before the age of 25 special painting style, formed its own unique sort of surprise and praise him in the art of precocious, can foresee the future achievements. He breathed the breath of nature freely in the scene he saw, unwilling and unable to be controlled by the object depicted objectively, and his mind began to run free. He eventually became the most famous representative artist of surrealism.

While surrealism was in full swing in Paris, Dali was still wandering in his own creation. In 1928, in Paris, Dali came into contact with the surrealist movement. Dali's natural imagination seems to have doomed him to be a real surrealist.

What surrealist artists pursue is to express the dream in their mind, which cannot be expressed at ordinary times, or can be said to be something in the subconscious, through their works. When we look at Dali's work, we can often understand every detail of the painting, but the overall absurdity and bizarre scenes and scenes are confusing. This absurd horror, illogical, grotesque, exaggerated and so wonderful to create a combination of dreams and reality of the art scene. Dali likes to paint the picture in a delicate way, which is so precise as to depict the pores, and even to the extent that it looks like the real one, which makes people marvel at his realistic foundation. But behind the distorted and absurd pictures full of images, there is a desolate and sunny landscape. "Surrealists place a special emphasis on reality," Dali said. When he wanted to depict a carriage, he chose a very ordinary two-wheeled carriage rather than a fancy fancy one. He USES the simplest and most ordinary things to prove to you that the world is a beautiful place. He shows our eyes what we see every day, and to them the commonplace is superior to all ideas and ideals.

Dali is a surrealist with wide influence and long duration. As the most important representative in this field of fine arts, he is constantly attracting people's attention and causing considerable controversy, which cannot be separated from his personality. Dali's eccentric personality is reflected not only in his paintings, but also in his behavior, dressing, his words, his language and even his trademark moustache.

Dali's birth three years after his seven-year-old brother died of meningitis was a great relief to his parents. But Dali was invisible to the family as his brother's shadow. Dali also couldn't rule out his jealousy of his brother, whose huge picture was still hung in the house after his death. As a result, from an early age, Dali was full of ambition and showmanship. In order to prove his existence, Dali always tried his best to do jaw-drooling things in all aspects. Even mischievous things could attract others' attention, which made him feel compensated for his personality and indulge in self-expression. "With an indomitable attitude of infinite selfishness, I had no difficulty in grasping this pleasure, and I became hurtful. No doubt that's why I survived. All his shocking words and deeds are actually derived from his strong self-expression desire, which can be said to be one of the important sources of his continuous inspiration for great artistic creation.

Dali's exhibitionist tendencies were truly shocking, and his words and deeds, which struck the average person as "crazy", seemed perfectly normal to him: "the only difference between me and a madman is that I am not crazy." He constantly propagandizes himself and expands his influence through various ways. He is eager to show any place worthy of attention in his life to others. And Dali did, and the world was astounded by his artistic talent. He was an active participant in anything that would make him famous, from decorative paintings to stamps, from movies to TV commercials. "I love self-promotion because my work is mostly 'me' and the important thing is that I create a 'Dali'." Dali believed that he was a genius and that his ideas and works were the product of genius and should be valued. This is why he used all kinds of publicity methods to become famous. He worked almost all his life to create an unknown and well-known Dali, and his strong sense of self seemed to declare that he would not allow any corner of the world to be unaware of the existence of "Dali".

Humans have an inexplicable fear of the unknown and uncontrollable. In Dali's art, the fear of time and life is also one of the sources that dominate his art and thought. Dali's works interpret his inner fear and uneasiness through many symbolic symbols, and the sigh for the short life and the helplessness of the fragile life have always been the core of this kind of artistic creation. In Dali's most famous painting the eternity of memory, we can fully experience the unusual combination of logic and emotion, reason and madness. The clock presented an incredibly soft state, and the soft and mysterious time enabled Dali to endowing life with an infinite extension from the past to the future, which was difficult to reveal the secret. American art critic abal thinks: "soft watch is unreasonable, visionary, heretical and disturbing. It silences, it confuses, it makes no sense, it is chaotic and weak -- but these adjectives are the highest praise for surrealists. From then on, soft table became the representative of surrealism painting image, and even became the nickname of surrealism.

In Dali's works, many things are not its noumenon but endowed with special meanings. Recall Dali's paintings, ants, bread, limp objects, crutches, drawers and other images frequently appear, although not the subject of the work, but particularly eye-catching. These archetypal images are richly suggestive: the busy ant is often a symbol of stress, anxiety, and aging, reflecting his fear, powerlessness, and restlessness about life. In Dali's eyes, bread, hard on the outside and soft on the inside, is a symbol of sexual desire, through which he can freely express his fantasies of sexual desire. In particular, the limp clock suggested Dali's subconscious fear and helplessness over the passage of time. The walking stick became a symbol of death and resurrection in Dali's eyes and frequently appeared in his works. For the drawer, Dali suggested that the human body with the drawer was related to freudian psychoanalysis -- that children's natural curiosity about closure drove them to open the drawer, either to satisfy their desire to explore unknown objects or to eliminate the fear that unknown objects might cause harm. Freud explained that drawers represent women's latent eroticism. In Dali's works, most of the drawers appear on the female body, perhaps fulfilling Freud's interpretation and showing Dali's fantasy of lust.

The virgin of Riga, Jesus died on the cross, Columbus discovered America, the crowned virgin, the last supper, and atomic rita are all representative works of religion, nuclear and atom in Dali's paintings. These paintings are usually large in size, and the themes and images of religious classics are placed in an environment full of scattered material elements. The pictures are magnificent and exciting, and there is also the transcendent tranquility typical of the religious world, which changes the paranoid and twisted crazy colors that permeate personal desire in the early paintings. Surrealism mainly shows the dark side of human nature, while Dali is able to sublimate the irrational elements into the noble and sacred pursuit of a better life, which is not possible for ordinary people and is also the manifestation of his genius. If Dali's works in the war period reflect the evil of human nature and his antipathy to society, which is a kind of criminal criticism, then his later religious paintings explore the goodness of human nature and praise the glory of human nature.

Dali had a colorful life, constantly making artistic attempts in many areas. He can carry in almost all the media on the creation of art, so he left to become is not only a oil painting, watercolor painting works, also includes many jewelry design, furniture design, sculpture, etc., and can be called at the time of new media art, such as movies, illustration, advertising, photography, and Dali Dali drama art gallery of the construction of the old age has always been our best, and so on. Dali is not only a master of surrealism, his life has gone through many artistic periods, from the transition period of surrealism in the early years of the school of reflection painting, cubism, separatism, to the final classical period this transition process, all confirmed that Dali is a progressive artist with the courage to explore. If Picasso's cubism opened up a whole new way of observing, describing and understanding objects in the field of painting, then what Dali sought was no longer a pure painting form, but a way to explain the world beyond the surface reality. Dali's extraordinary expression of complex and rich human nature integrates the contradiction between rationality and irrationality, reality and absurdity, reality and fantasy with the hallucinatory effect of imagination, so as to have a strong visual impact, which is exactly the true portrayal of the hidden creative source of the painter.

Dali's art is the art of individuality. Perhaps the art of individuality is the art of immortality. As Dali said, "because I am a genius, I have no right to die, and I will never die. Genius dies, and genius's work endures.

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[thereliquarian]

Severance

I grew up hearing the adage that Art Imitates Life, and in mine it seems that my Life Imitates Art.  This has been especially true since beginning the Reliquarian, if you’ve read some of the other blogs I’ve spoken of the parallels, and how almost unnerving it is when something I write then shows up or happens in my real life.  Some of the parallels are more subtle, and perhaps it is a subconscious and intrinsic infusion into the artistry that I understand on a deeper level than I recognize on the surface.  If nothing else I have learned both in Artistry and Life nothing turns out the way I originally envision, but in the end, despite the struggle and frustration, when I let go of what I think it should be, it becomes what it is meant to be, and there is beauty in it that I couldn’t imagine at its inception.

Nostalgia is the third character to be introduced in the visual elements of the story, and this image is actually the last photographic illustration in book one.  It has been an interesting dance in this project being both artist and author, and creating them simultaneously.  It’s a bit like watching a close race or a good game where both opponents are fighting and stealing the lead back and forth.  Some of the characters have been visual representations in my mind and the story of them builds around the image, and others I write into the story and the inspiration for the images come from the writing.  This one came from the name, the idea of Nostalgia, which is something I have always been enamored with as a concept.  Nostos being Greek: Return Home, and Algos: Pain.  It’s a wistful longing to return home.  It feeds in also to the adage of “home is where the heart is.”   Nostalgia is wide spread to the longing for something that we want to return to, a moment, a memory, a place, a loved one.  All I knew of her was that I wanted her to be the visual embodiment of what Nostalgia would look were it fashioned into a humanoid type personification.

The crude idea we began with was that she needed to illuminate light.  She lives in a place called the Atheneum, that is a museum of sorts for lost and discarded things.  In the simplest of terms we might call her a hoarder, and in the realm of fictional characters she’d have gotten along fabulously with Miss Havisham, only it is life she is mourning the loss of rather than a lover.

My mother spent most of my childhood in a relationship with an Antique Dealer and Treasure Hunter, and our house was constantly described as creepy, a museum, and ‘interesting’.  My father and I have been estranged since I was 3, and several small bridges have all been built and burnt to bridge the gap, so this man has been my only subject of “dad” and while he never married my mother, and they ultimately parted ways, he still refers to, and introduces me as “My daughter of choice.”  His house now is an old farm, the chicken coop larger than most people’s garages, and the Barn towers over the property there, all full of oddities, trinkets, and treasures, some that only he sees the value in. The house is always dim, the lights are rarely on, even at night, to protect the patinas and paintings of rare artifacts that might be damaged by the light, and for as long as I can remember he carries a flash like as most carry their phone, or wallet, or keys, so that light is with him when it is needed.

They say we write what we know, and so much of the storyline of this character is rooted in memories of my past.  A thin walkway between rooms, flanked on all sides by minuscule and monumental things of varying importance, some lovely, and some grotesque.  The place I wrote was what I might have called home as a child on a more grandious scale, as Nostalgia has want to always do:  Turn what we remember into more than it was, anchoring our spirits towards past and keeping us from the future and more importantly: the present.

The initial concepts were to make the dress a gown of vintage and victorian lampshades.  To include photographs and frames upon it, and have her carry ‘the weight of the world’ literally upon her at all times.  It would be couture, but also serve purpose, as the common psychology of hoarders is “I need, or will need this.”  The Atheneum would remain dark at all times save candles dimly lighting the silhouettes and her gown which would carry its own light with it, illuminating only where she passed.

Once I latched onto this idea, the dress bodice became inspired by stained glass.  Particularly a Tiffany Lamp my grandmother always had on her serving hutch in the dining room.  Originally I thought blue, but once painted it didn’t seem illuminated and I moved towards yellows and golds.  (The Tutorial on how to do this is in the queue for those interested.)

When I get stuck {as I often do on this project} I often sit with the word I’m trying to convey and write as many connected words, synonyms and symbols as I can think of to play off of.  With Nostalgia one of the first and strongest was candles.  Perhaps because it denotes an earlier time, and older day.  I’m drawn to the warmth of fire, and the glow of it’s light, it romanticizes everything, and I have handwritten most of this book’s first draft by candlelight.  Returning again to my childhood my mother was not one for precision, and while others were building sand castles out of buckets and sculpting clean, smooth lines, mine taught her children “drip castles.”  Closer to the water’s edge, with the wet, muddy sand, dripping into uneven and erratic towers, and continuously washed away by the lapping waves.  At home she had a coffee table covered in years of candle wax.  A waterfall of color, cascading down until it became a mountain, and I was always mesmerized by it.

I too the inspiration from that and created the shoulder pads of the dress, so it would seem there were piles of candles close to her face, illuminating the words she read, the things she searched for, and ultimately, like all else, melting away into a nothingness, and replaced with the next layer upon it.

I will always, in some ways be a “poor kid.”  This method of thought was not only reinforced by humble beginnings and watching my single mom struggle to pull herself from the hole my parents dug together; but also by grandmother, who was a child in the midst of the great depression, and understood poverty and scarcity in a way no one from any generation beyond her can relate to.  This has not only attributed to the way money is handled in my personal life, but I also believe it greatly influenced and made possible the Reliquarian project thus far.

I am lucky to know many talented artists in the fantasy and fine art realms, but when I hear their budgets for shoots, I all but fall over from sticker shock.  I can’t imagine those price tags for the final image, so I instead imagine the ways around it.  I am a creative at heart and I think while some feel a sense of pride in being able to afford such luxuries I will always feel the same sense of accomplishment in the act of creating these pieces for fractions of cost.

The headdress was mostly items from the local dollar store, and remnants from other shoots.  I wanted it to have a bit of a catholism edge to it.  I remember my grandparents taking me to church and lighting candles in memory of those no longer with us, and I remember the statues and figures in the sculptures and stained glass murals that I always admired.  The headdress nodded to both, having the ability to light the candle, and having that more church statue feel in the color and texture.

In spending time in Cambodia last year it was common to see altars outside nearly every house.  They pray to buddha and light incense as offerings.  To nod to the other religion and culture that I have always identified strongly with we added incense which still gave a sort of “Holy Mother” feel to the headdress.  It created a sort of halo about her, and was accentuated with the dissected pieces of an oriental fan.  I wanted to create the idea that we are our own churches, we pray and meditate and connect with our gods at the altar of our own minds.  Anyone who seeks God in brick and stone, or thinks their rituals are where God is found is a fool, it is always within, our divine self is the connection between mortality and immortality, between creator and created.

With Nostalgia’s intricate bodice and headdress complete, focus shifted towards the set.  So much detail in this project is so minuscule in the grand landscape of the image.  If asked to describe the Reliquarian in 3 words I would simply say The Reliquarian is: ‘Art Within Art”  The images within the story, the wardrobe and sets within the image, the details within the details.  It is a mixture of all mediums of expression, and the intertwined consciousness of many minds that are significant in my world.

It seemed fitting to shoot the scene for the last book in the place that first inspired it.  It took nearly 3 days simply to clear enough room to have a line of sight for the camera.  It was dark, and dusty, and nostalgic as it should have been.  As the last image in the first book it had to be potent, and it had to represent the core of the project, which is the idea of Art within Art.  To take that further I made her literally art.  Not only in the elaborate costuming and ornate details of beading, wire work, and sculpture, but by placing her within a literal picture frame, one my husband Michael hand built for this piece.  Our child within the story is so captivated and distracted by all the things within the Atheneum that it is some time before she notices the frame is a doorway into another room of the building, and not a literal painting. Cadence has been with me on this project since it’s inception 5 years ago… that’s nearly half her lifetime.  It has been fun and challenging to create it with her, and I often hope she looks back at these moments and memories with a sense of nostalgia and love for these moments, as I know I will.  Still as mothers and daughters do, we have bickered over different elements of the project, and one in particular has been her long beautiful hair that is so glorious in the initial images.  She begged me to cut it, something I distinctly remember doing myself, as a child.  When I was not victorious in my plea, I cut all of it in the midst of rebellion, and frustration about my life in those moments… in hindsight I was on a very detrimental and damaging path right then, unable to see past the hurt of the present moment, and the helplessness I felt in being a child and not in charge of my own life and direction.  My tangled curls were simply metaphoric for the hopeless web I found myself ensnared in.  In hindsight I can look back, now more than double that age, and see that some of the dismay was in relation to my perspective, and not entirely my circumstances, but that was something I couldn’t see at the time.  I’ve worked hard to give both our children a really good childhood, in some regards, I, like all parents have failed, but overall I have felt mostly successful.

This year was a difficult one for our family, especially the last few months, we have all been struggling with many circumstances beyond our control.  It is the first time I feel I truly failed in my ultimate purpose as a mother: To protect and safeguard the life and well being of my children, mentally, emotionally, physically.  Tragedy and hardship is a necessary trial we endure so that we might see the true nature of all those close to us, and this year certainly did just that.  Cadence begged to cut and donate her hair last time during her father’s deployment in Afghanistan, and I saw a bit of metamorphosis take place within her emotionally and manifest physically.  It was a healthy means of expressing what was within and what she was without.  Given the nature of the year’s struggles I saw her grappling with how to come to terms with it, and again it was time to let some versions of self go… for her and I both.

Danielle, my hair goddess and guru was the only one I’d entrust her locks, and sense of self worth with, and she reminded me that hair holds weight from all the time it grew to it’s current length, for many it’s a way of declaring freedom, of letting go, of allowing one’s self to shed the exoskeleton of a version of themselves they have outgrown.

For Cadence, some of this is simply youth, some of it is innocence she is willingly shedding, and some has been taken from her before it should have been by a world she will learn to be, often times unforgiving and apathetic.  Interestingly as life imitates art, and art imitates life the easiest solution in terms of the Reliquarian, was to make Cady’s journey part of the child’s journey within the story.  And so Unsung is distracted by all the lovely and strange forgotten things within the atheneum.  She plays dress up in the clothes she finds there, studies the oddities, and eventually finds herself in front of an antique mirror and a collection of shears and scissors.  What she sees and what she feels are out of syncopation, and so she chops her hair, severing it from her head in an attempt to sever the past struggles and sorrows that have been tethering her to past days, and keeping her from moving forward.

As I am always behind the camera in these moments, I often forget that I myself am a part of the story in its creation.  The nights before a shoot are often spent with another creative in the project, and always the final touches and nuances are placed only moments before the shutter fires.  The true gift has always been that amazing people not only become part of the project, but bring other amazing people into the Reliquarian.  Jaye, brought his wife’s incredible talents to Higher Learning and introduced his artistic and creative daughters to me.  Siena has been with me ever since.  Sarah Jane sent me to Danielle, who has not only done hair for the shoots, but created stunning transformations in real life, and brought her friend on set to help fill in the shooting space on the day.  Donna Maria was a student at a workshop that quickly identified as a kindred spirit and agreed to play the part of Nostalgia.   Remy played Deception’s character in Higher Learning and has also done makeup on half the sets for shoot days.

The day of is always full of snacks, and last minute panic attacks, and stress, and excitement, and good people, and I love every second of it… Of course looking back I am struck with the nostalgia of the memory which conveniently leaves out all the headaches and anxiety of the day.  Siena stayed up till about 3 am with me the night before melting wax, and then snagged this behind the scenes as we finally began to shoot the scene, and when I saw it, it reminded me of all the reasons I have invested so much of my life, my money, my time, myself into this project.  It is the embodiment and culmination of every creative fiber of my being, every nuance, and every inspiration all converge here, in the moment I push the shutter button, after months of prep and frustration, inspiration, and the journey between what I think it will be and what it becomes.  It’s the Severance.  It offers a final payment of purpose, it ends the literal chapter or in this case book, and allows me to move forward towards the next ones… though from time to time I shall revisit them with a sense of fondness and nostalgia…

from Severance

[vdbstore-blog]

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Model of the moment Paul Hameline: “I don’t know why people would want to look at me" | Fashion

A hot, sticky June evening in Paris and model Paul Hameline is at a party, drinking warm wine from a plastic cup. It’s men’s fashion week and Le Marais is thick with models fresh off the Dries Van Noten catwalk. Not Hameline, though. Blue-eyed, with echoes of Richard Hell, this model is alone, looking bored, in a T-shirt that reads: No Heart Inside. He’s sacked off part of fashion week to be at the private party of photographer Pierre-Ange Carlotti’s exhibition. The T-shirt is by Carlotti.

He’s not actually bored. The coolest models tend to emit a certain ennui and Hameline is probably the coolest in fashion right now. Male supermodels are rare, and famous faces that deviate from mainstream ideals are even rarer. They tend to be either cartoonish (David Gandy, Lucky Blue Smith) or anonymously good-looking (Sean O’Pry, Jon Kortajarena). Vanity and grooming don’t sit well with smoking, basement parties and insouciance.

So Hameline is a rarity then. He’s the original Vetements muse and the collective’s influence makes this significant. His ascent has been exponential – he first walked for Vetements in 2014 and has carefully picked every job since. He models for only a handful of shows: Marni, Prada, Balenciaga, JW Anderson.

Paul and friends: models Jamie Bochert, Mica Arganaraz, Julia Nobis, Paul Hameline, Clara Deshayes outside the Sies Marjan show at the New York State Bar Association in 2016. Photograph: Melodie Jeng/Getty Images

Fame baffles him: “I’m not even commercial looking,” he despairs. But it’s precisely this look – an androgynous, post-binary beauty with a flaw (in his case, a small dimple under his bottom lip) – that has made him menswear’s most in-demand face, and may explain why he’s finally hit mainstream and become the new face of Hugo Boss. He seems taller than his 6ft 1in, possibly because of the way he stands, Giacometti-like, incredibly slight, but sexy.

The idea of beauty being a static notion is deeply Americanised and, thanks to social media, has become the norm, says Alice Pfeiffer, a French fashion journalist and friend of Hameline’s. “But in France, we have always been good at celebrating the alternative.” He, she says, is the male incarnation of this philosophy.

“I don’t like just modelling,” he says. “I don’t consider it my main profession, and I never thought I’d make money from it.” Boredom scares him. “I have to keep busy or I get depressed.” His CV includes styling, studying art, acting, making zines inspired by cult cinema and designing prints for Ann Demeulemeester.

Hameline on the catwalk at Paris Fashion Week. Photograph: Estrop/Getty Images

Hameline prefers meeting people face to face. It’s easy to see why. Context is key – he talks about models as “empty vessels” and about eating a bowl of blueberries for breakfast. Said on the phone, this might sound affected. But Hameline in the flesh is funny and bright, a little earnest but looser after a drink. We meet at the Wolseley (posh places amuse him) and he arrives, on time, in khaki Miu Miu shirt and Raf Simons trousers, his hair scraped back with blue acetate sunglasses. He is rarely without them – “On planes, too, which makes me look…” – he smirks – “but I like to watch Disney films and I always cry.” He puts them on the table, sits down and orders a large whisky.

Today, he’s celebrating the end of his first year studying art at Central St Martins. His final piece was an installation involving cassettes which he burned immediately after. Tomorrow, he is going to the dentist. As the buzziest model in fashion, you’d think his lifestyle would transcend wisdom teeth. Alas. “I have to wait to fix them until after [the fashion shows] because…” – he mimes a swollen face – “the designers will be upset.”

Vetements show, Paris fashion week, 2015. Photograph: Sipa/Rex/Shutterstock

21-year-old Hameline was born in Paris. A quiet, introverted boy, he had braces and a stutter. Aged 11, he went to a boarding school in North Yorkshire which practised hunting and fishing, which he didn’t enjoy (“I like animals”). He went to a day school in Paris a few years later, before spending time at the prestigious Ecal in Switzerland and a summer camp in the US; he speaks English almost perfectly. His mother worked for the minister of defence, his father ran the Musée de la Chasse et de la Nature in Paris, and clearly enjoyed clothes: “When he was 16 he’d wear tweed and a cape – you know, like Sherlock Holmes. He tried to pick me up from school in a fuchsia corduroy suit. I was like, non, Dad, it’s OK, I walk.” As a teenager, Hameline was “normal”, wearing black jeans, Converse and a Carhartt jacket.

His scouting was run-of-the-mill fashion folklore: 16, and running late, he was at an ATM getting cash for a cab when he was spotted by Eva Gödel, founder of ultra-hip street-casting agency Tomorrow Is Another Day, who chased him down the road on her bike. “I signed to her agency only because I was drawn to her, you know?” It was his fifth scouting by as many agencies but he was – and is – picky. He uses the word freely: “The others were bigger but I knew I didn’t want to be ‘a model’. I was picky.” Even now, he’ll walk only in particular shows. “I only do it for brands I relate to or respect. I’m picky about it,” he says. He recently left to join the Lions NY and Success Models in Europe: “It’s important to turn the page, to let people go,” he says. He remains on good terms with Gödel.

Paul Hameline photographed in Paris for The Fashion Photograph: Hélène Pambrun

Hameline likes to vanish. “If I’m at a party, I call an Uber, say I am going to pee, then I just go. My friends call it ‘an Hameline’.” It feels as if that’s why he moved to London a year ago. Here, he enjoys the anonymity of eating Sunday roasts in a pub or shopping in Turkish supermarkets. One of his favourite things to do is sit in hotel lobbies and watch people, unwatched himself. Parisians are far more “judgmental”.

His big break came from meeting Vetements stylist Lotta Volkova through a mutual friend. “We were both bored of Paris, so we threw a party in my parents’ basement. We stayed up all night playing postpunk industrial music – Throbbing Gristle, Nine Inch Nails”, then Volkova took Hameline to a Vetements presentation. To him, “The clothes, that world, it made sense to me.” A few weeks later he bunked off school in Switzerland, flew home and hid from his parents in a studio with his new friends.

Through Volkova he met designers Demna Gvasalia and Gosha Rubchinskiy, and his best friend Mica Arganaraz (recently on the cover of Vogue). “These are people I rely on. I don’t know where I’d be without them.” This summer he plans to visit Vetements in Zurich and Rubchinskiy in Russia. He chose not to walk the last Balenciaga show because he wanted to watch the “performance” from the frow. In his eyes, he sits safely on the fence between insider and outsider.

Carlotti, the photographer, has known Hameline since he was a teenager. “I saw him dancing and he looked… cool,” he says. “I asked if he wanted a drink, he told me how old he was and just kept dancing.” He smiles. “I thought: that is how you should be. To just be you. To be cool.” Pfeiffer agrees, describing his “detachment from fashion” as part of his appeal.

‘I don’t know why people would want to look at me. There are a thousand people who are prettier.’ Paul Hameline. Photograph: Melodie Jeng/Getty Images

It’s an odd position, especially for someone who ranks modelling as his least compelling skill. A prolific collector of photographs, he has already made one successful zine – Rave New World – and plans another. He talks with ease about Freudian theory and new wave cinema. Modelling pays the bills, of course, but one gets the sense his parents approve of his career because Hameline treats it more like an artistic process. He likes to shock, to play with themes of religion and sexuality. He is happy to pose almost naked in Vice, to wear a dress in Dazed. He walks, friends have said, like My Little Pony, but for a character model this works. His face – hooded eyes, full lips – is in constant flux. For the Guardian’s shoot, he’s sort of Marc Almond. The first day I met him, he looked like Charlotte Rampling.

“The thing about male beauty…” Hameline pauses. “What turns me on to a guy or a girl is how they are, their ideas, their soul. I don’t know why people would want to look at me. There are a thousand people who are prettier.”

It’ll be interesting to see where he is this time next year. Models who capture the zeitgeist as Hameline has sometimes get caught in the moment. Success can be brief so he’s wise to branch out. He plans to spend 2017 “nourishing my curiosity” which means applying to drama school. If, like politicians, the best models are the most reluctant ones, Hameline is already at supermodel level. The problem remains: even if modelling is boring to him, he’s still excellent at it.

This article appears in the autumn/winter 2017 edition of The Fashion, the Guardian and the Observer’s biannual fashion supplement

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[imawritinginprogress]

The Feminist Princess and the Unexpected Warrior

June 12, 2089, Ithuriel

Princess Cleo: I’ve lived all my life being trained as an independent and courageous princess. Since my father died, I don’t believe I need a man to tell me how to lead the kingdom of Ithuriel after what mortality did to what the people call Philippines. I studied the history and government of that country for years and I’ve learned that when a woman rule a country, she is usually claimed to be a devil advocate, a puppet, or worse, people might advice you to “just leave it to the men,” like most men rule the country. I did not say that the leadership of men was wrong, I admire few men leaders who weren’t selfish on their good intentions to lead, but most of men were corrupted by the influence of money as well as the recognition of the people, notably the poor and the commoners.

That was long time ago, since angels came and conquer this beautiful country to correct history and to improve humanity on Earth. My parents led the revolution since most of the corrupt politicians died of our powers since the battle of angels and humans happened on what was now known as Ithuriel.

Their government was what the people call a utopian, ideal, you could say. Religions were now unified, yet people were given a free choice to express their diversity, be they wanted to be a Catholic, Christian or whatever you wanted to believe in, even in being a part of the rainbow community too. Everyone is given equal rights to study their level of expertise; of course there were schools for each profession. I could mention more about how beautiful Ithuriel is, but according to the people my parents talked to, it was like heaven on Earth.

Until, I witnessed my father being slain by someone he considered to be his ally, his best friend. Since then, I furiously become determined to be a worthy leader for the people of Ithuriel and to take revenge of those behind the assassination of my father.

Since then, I won’t let anyone tell me I’m just a girl, that I’m just another pretty face but considered worthless in history, especially by men who tried to revolt against my mom because she is just a woman. My study on international culture and leadership has been helping me to be what fate wanted me to be. I’m now more than ready to be the next leader of Ithuriel, father. So help me God.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

“So Ms. Jemima, how do you write this compelling story?” a reporter from The Manila Bulletin named Christian interviewed in her first ever press conference promoting the book.

“About the story of Princess Cleo, which many women wanted to emulate like the famous heroine too. What are your reactions that your book has been worshipped by your fans not only on Philippines but also worldwide too?” said another from Philippine Star.

“Will you consider the rumor that Shine Network will televise your book into a primetime series,” commented another from Inquirer.

Me and my classmates in Creative Writing under Sir Carlou’s class were watching the live simulcast of Palanca awardee and best-selling author behind “The Feminist Princess”.

“Personally, I like Ms. Jemima Angeli. She’s been known and well loved not only on the present times, but also on social media too. She’s been responding to her growing number of ladies whom she encouraged to be true to themselves and also been reaching out to men to be not afraid of what society dictates us to be. Yet she did not consider herself wise, she is also cracking jokes via her official Twitter ever now and then when she’s not in writing mode.

She’s my inspiration. That’s why I wanted to be a writer like her one day. I will write as dauntless like her,” gushing Cristine, who is a big fan of her writings. As expected, I had to get myself be overwhelmed by her idolizing such a writer like Ms. Jemima Angeli.

Truth is, I cannot blame Cristine. She’s also an aspiring writer too, she needs someone to ignite her writing skills but sadly, I’m an Engineer. I don’t usually involve in things such as literature and arts, unlike my girl classmates and I don’t even care.

“Feminists suck”, says my mind while enduring the live press conference. “She claims she reaches out to men, but that is still women superiority complex disguised as women empowerment”, that is what I believe in. Sorry Emma Watson, I would rather prefer her acting rather than her advocacies, I even commented to stop her fangirling obsession.

Man that kills me. Girls, when will you learn that you still needed men too?

To which Cristine replied, “You know what, you’re just being insulted because she achieves way better than you did. I hate this to tell you, but if you don’t have something nice to say, you better shut your mouth okay?”

“There you go, Cristine. You won. I am worth nothing, and you go ahead with your shitty writing if you wish,” I sighed in my defeat when suddenly her book opened without a second, and since Sir Carlou shut the lights dark, the blaring light shocks everyone. Later I didn’t realized I was devoured literally into a book.

I screamed with all my might but even my classmates and Sir Carlou were almost paralyzed into inaction, unable to help me.

“This is crazy. I just saw these on anime, but well, welcome to an adventure, Arthur”, as in minutes I am now surrounded by people attending the congregation of Queen Esther and her daughter Princess Cleo. I looked at my shabby university uniform and felt alienated by the outfit of the people around the city.

A big white arrow, with a sign labeled in all big capitals, “Ithuriel” was seen before my very eyes dusted by sand.

“Ouch”, I exclaimed, “This isn’t real”

“Hey, “a knight-clad warrior approached me and tied both my arms, about to arrest me without even knowing me. “What the hell are you wearing? Are you one of the revolutionist Magicians who even dared time travel to Ithuriel?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I almost shouted in pain before I gazed at the knight who even dared to even argue with me. “Oh what a nice welcoming”, I sarcastically sighed to myself when he pulled me towards the prison cell.

“You better come with me, no objections, Mister, if you wanted me to keep you alive, you” as the knight led me to the prison cell with everyone staring at me.

A few minutes later, I was in the prison cell, just like what he wanted of me.  I’m still thinking of escaping from this fictitious place when a beautiful woman approaches me.

She was wearing a gown just like the typical princess on the fairy tales; her straight shiny black hair caught my eye. Maybe she was Princess Cleo, the way Ms. Jemima writes her to look like, but I never thought that novels could be this real. Just like her beauty.

I never fall in love with a fictional character written in the book. Nah, that’s insane.

“Are you even hungry?” she even asked.

And she has a lovely voice. Oh dear me, am I in love?

Days passed and I began befriending the knights who appeared to be amazed at my smartness to construct the castle of Ithuriel using my knowledge at Engineering. So I learn how to narrate tales of what the Philippines look like during my time, since I already told them I’m a student at one of the prestigious university in Manila and they look very interested in where do I grew up and if word was true that men were treated fairly during my time.

Cool. I was now here in the future of the Philippines. Well, if only I memorized by heart the history, I would even give up my Engineering degree to pursue politics and governance and study in Ithuriel. No, I don’t mean that. Engineering was cool, yet one must be patient if you wanted to be like me. Just kidding again; please laugh.

Heck, I would even ask if I could study something related to Engineering, or whatever they might call right now. Even with all the knowledge I study at heart, all I cared at this moment to get to know this beautiful woman. I don’t care if Cristine spoiled me that she’ll soon die at the end of this story, I just wanted to.

If Cristine were here and she saw my face gushing, she’ll surely be laughing at me to no end.

But I don’t even bother, except for my feelings every time Princess Cleo visited the prison cell to feed me and talk to me, if she is not in a bad mood. Even if all I received sarcastic humiliation and countless rejections from her, I just wanted to hear her voice, daydream I would touch her angelic face, and.. just her presence made my day.

I waited and waited and hoped for her, to no avail. Has she never seen a man like me before, I don’t know. Even I showed her my wisdom, I cracked jokes with her, I tell my stories to amuse her; damn this woman’s heart is as cold as stone!

I never felt so miserable in my whole existence. Maybe my charming appeals do not work in my favor, nor has she ever fallen in love before with a man and later left her too?

These questions haunted my mind every night whenever the knights stayed behind me in bars to watch me. I’m in this prison cell, staring at my cell phone, missing my college professors, Cristine, Ivan, Abby, Laven, Denver, and everyone until I immediately fell asleep in my immeasurable grief.

* * * * * * * * 

The next morning, a knight whom I mostly befriended named Joseph invited me to free me from my miserable days on the prison cell, in exchange for my training to be expert in swords just like I’ve seen in the movies.

Less than weeks passed since I’ve been given this freedom I owed to Joseph, and in no time, finally I mastered sword fighting. Joseph taught me how to ride a horse and everything I need to learn in combat.

I never felt like a hero in my whole life, aside from my classmates knew me as a Math wizard. Finally, you’ll see what you lost, Princess Cleo.

Joseph lent me his favorite horse named Viceral. At first, I laughed for his quick sense of humor in nicknaming horse names, but he told me that it’s his lucky horse and wishes me well in the battle I’m going to face in. “You’ve already mastered quickly what I’ve learned in knighthood for years. I’m so proud of you, Arthur. Go and save the Princess, the world needs her existence!” as I left with Viceral on the way to what was previously called Mt. Apo.  

I am more than ready to rewrite your history. Sorry, Ms. Angeli, but your story is long gone. You need quick revisions, or whatever editing you might proofread after all, for I am to prove Princess Cleo that she doesn’t need to face leadership alone, she needed me.

Which is to no avail because she won’t let me either after the night I saved her from the angel-slaying dragon who is about to imprison her. I cut the dragon split in two, and Princess Cleo did not even acknowledge me for saving her life.

Why did she every time she sees me, her eyes looked at me sweetly too? I don’t understand that night when I saved her, she hugged me in her fright, as if she needed my help? And yet every time I do care, which is I never did for my past loves, she even won’t give me some slacks?

I stood with my hand-me-down night armor Joseph borrowed me on the night I helped her, helplessly and exhausted in my battle, my eyes swollen in heartbreakingly pangs of rejection as she commanded me to stay away from her. I turned my back, gazing one second towards this ice princess who claimed she was a feminist. Or maybe she is.

“My love, can’t you see how much I’ve changed me since I met you. Why you’re making me crazy thinking about such wasted beauty like you? I wasn’t like this before, but why? Is there someone before me who hurts you? I will protect you from the boys who will do things I wanted to do with you, please hear my heart” I desperately screamed at the top of my lungs, damn my almost victory no one ever knows.

Except that my pleas were finally heard at the author itself.

Jemima Angeli.

She stood at me quickly, asking me of my intentions to save the princess. I quickly replied that “I may not be a fan of your works, but I loved her since the day I saw her when I was wrongfully imprisoned those weeks, but she never do care about me, even on the day I risked myself to save her from her tragic fate.”

“So you already read my book,” replied Jemima. To my surprise, it took me seconds to notice of her maroon coat she’s wearing to.

“So you’re one of the revolutionists who killed her father?” I blurted out my damn hypothesis, which I’m afraid she might have said it worse.

She replied politely to my surprise, “Yes, I did. But thank you for doing great in my story, which I heard you screaming at the mountains just earlier in my dreams.” She took a step forward, “Already looking for revenge towards her indifference?” which she brought up someone I did not see coming.

Princess Cleo was stunned to be back after she proved her victory that her feminist theory could be won, but in the end, whatever good it might seems, if done in bad intentions, it would fail anyway.

“Why are you bringing me to this man; you murderer!” Princess Cleo screamed horror as Jemima Angeli is not your usual writer; she has the gifts of time travelling, precognition and clairvoyance, which is declared illegal magic by her present government.

In instant, the author in her pity shared her tragic story, “I once become like you, I lost my dad before which is why I become a feminist. But I never tried hurting any man of good intentions like Arthur to feel what grief your father left of your soul. It’s a waste to continue you becoming an unworthy heroine to thousands of ladies who knew your story very well, even they know your life would be tragic anyway”, the Palanca awardee I just watched long time ago muttered in her breath.

Life is one big adventure of mishaps and learned lessons. Believe me or not, the next few words she says gives me sense of justice over my recent heartbreak.

“From now on, you’ll been recognized not your title of being a Princess but live your life being this guy” she commanded, her powers drew towards the ice princess.

“Until you finally learned how to appreciate what this guy did for you, for love, “as Princess Cleo was swallowed into the book, her angelic face was being transformed like Arthur’s resemblance as a punishment.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

PRESENT-DAY at the UNIVERSITY, TWO DAYS AFTER ARTHUR IS BEING SWALLOWED BY THE BOOK..

“Waaaaaaaaaaah!” as the princess woke up and find herself in the mirror as soon as she got up. Espedillion’s abode, to her surprise!

From now on, the princess was forced to look like the man she crushed his hopes for romance. Her tears started to fell down too as she stared back at her handsome reflection.

“Arthur”, she sighed. “I’m sorry I broke you. But this is my fault. You always said that you love me, but I’m so scared because I’m so heartbroken, I used to hate men and preach the wrong meaning of feminism but I was wrong. I should get to know you instead, oh please.”

“Hey, Arthur, why you’re crying” Cristine approaches him, giving her handkerchief at him.

“Sorry”, I apologized to the girl, “Were you a friend of Arthur?”

“Of course, you’re Arthur right? My god, friend, you’ve been absent since 2 days! You have missed so much time. Laven, Abby, Walker, Angel, and everyone misses you so much, we never stopped contacting you via Messenger but seems that you shut your mobile phone not to make us feel worried. Where have you been all these days?” as I noticed the book she’s holding to, besides her black bag.

She owns the book I’m been looking for, so I would know if I would be in damn tragedy like what she said she originally written as my death. I asked Cristine if she could lend me her book so I could study what my life would be as well as my future, to avoid my fate, if proven I would die, as being written.

“How come, I thought you’ll never be interested in Jemima Angeli’s writings because you only cared for your Engineering degree? On one condition, I’ll accompany you at the gazebo. Looks like we have so much time to talk to, “

I hesitantly agreed as she pulled me playfully to the gazebo. It was peaceful outside the University, as the cool breeze swept as us. We were sitting on a bench nearby, and she told me things that like me, despite of his amazing intelligence, lies a man longing for someone who could he be himself around, and things Arthur never shared things with me about. I then admitted that I wasn’t Arthur and pleaded Cristine not to tell her classmates about the curse, and everything Arthur did for me, which she laughed to no end.

“I’m just his friend, c’mon, I never liked him,“ Cristine admitted. “If you really love him, let me help you. Feel free to contact me just in case you wanted someone to talk to,” as she waved herself goodbye for her next class.

Days passed and I was adjusted to the university life Arthur is experiencing through. Cristine helped me cope with whatever weird nuisances my Engineering classmates were slowly noticing, so thank God I wasn’t caught.

The Espedilion family has been my second home to me. Abby and Wesley were good friends, they’re nice college buddies even they did not recognize I wasn’t Arthur after all. Sorry guys.

The day of submission of Prof. Carlou’s assignment regarding Jemima Angeli’s interview has been drawing near. And we have to read our reactions in front of my class.

God, I hate oral recitations.

“Mr. Espedillion?” Prof. Carlou called me after Cristine and Wesley has finally done reading their pieces.

Cristine tapped my shoulder, wishing me good luck. “It’s time.”

I read the paper I’ve been thinking about Arthur the whole time. I realized writing could make you powerless, but above knowledge, love is the strongest power in my whole existence.

I forgive her for killing my dad. I finally learned to love Arthur, the man I lived within days of discovering the life he’s accustomed to.

I stared at everyone who’s been waiting for me to even open my mouth. My train of thoughts snapped back to reality as Prof. Carlou repeated his instructions, “Mr. Espedillion, are you with us?”

“Yes,” I immediately replied and nodded to read my essay again. I just make sure the night before the presentation not to reveal my true identity in my essays as well as my growing feelings for Arthur.

“What I’ve learned from Jemima Angeli and her heroine Princess Cleo Maxine were adventures I’ve never travelled to, but from an Engineer’s perspective, I’ve learned a girl can be hurt and insensitive because she thought love can be restrained not taught not to feel it. I’ve tried, believe me, I realized you can be the most knowledgeable and the most successful Engineer, or writer, or an author, or even be anything you wish, but if you’re doing it out of vengeance, it wouldn’t only resolve anything, it would make things worse. I realized these past few days reading her novel and realized Jemima Angeli is not your typical feminist but Princess Cleo is, blinded by her anger and hatred towards the people responsible for her father’s death, if someone might call her heartless and insensitive. News: Princess Cleo is in love. Jemima might not mention to you guys yet, but she is in love with the unexpected knight she met in the prison cell. That stranger she thought he was a time traveler who’s threatening her safety, but heck, he doesn’t know whatever I denied, I smiled. I blushed, but I never dared to utter, for I don’t believe in such nonsense. That she’s a feminist and I won’t fall in love with the man that might betray my trust later on, just like what happened to her dad. Sorry, but, I do love---

Meanwhile in Ithuriel, Jemima and the real Arthur watched behind her speech using the water in the well to witness such change of heart for the once called ice princess so she let Arthur return back to his true form and live his normal life.

“She has loved you back, Arthur. Go back to your life and I’m sorry for bothering you” Jemima started to apologize me.

Oh no, I did not even wanted her to apologize the one responsible for why we met.

I smiled at the author slash magician I would never forget, the kingdom of Ithuriel, Joseph, and his knightly comrades as I was swallowed by the book.

Love takes you to places you’ve never been of, feels of the things Engineering never taught me, but I learned that anyone can be a hero for someone you’ve consider to grow and marry for the lifetime, should I?

I reached the University in no time, in a woman’s dress. I remember.

I do look like Princess Cleo, so keep calm, my darling. I’ll rewrite our love and your fate, I sighed as the book take me to where Cleo admitted her feelings to me. She was surprised as our eyes met, and I can say she missed me too, even if she doesn’t admit it.

“My Cleo,” I kissed her with all my might the moment I saw her. I don’t care if my classmates saw us, for all I care as her existence makes me feel alive. Her confession was enough for me to taste her love, and what she deserves for a simple college geek like me.

Our bodies start to exchange in front of the whole class, and finally I hugged her tight, with the essay paper she wrote for me. Professor Carlou and the whole class clapped for us out of their shock a few minutes later. They must have felt like they’re watching a televised love story. Or maybe it is.

She finally grew feelings for me, as I cupped her angelic face. Damn, I could stare at her face for a lifetime. I’m not at my dying years, but am I already in heaven with her. Wish I would rather die right now and marry her right away, but I guess this is me happy. I really did, and I’m sure of it myself.

Jemima nowadays must have been playing Cupid now, I’m honored.

Years past since I’ve gotten myself a degree in Mechanical Engineering and I’m now a professor in my alma mater. Even it took me years since that day Princess Cleo kissed me; she never died in my heart. And even they never believed in me except Cristine who is now a famous spoken word artist, Ithuriel still holds a special place in my heart.

Even if the story no longer became the trend unlike way before did, I’m still holding on fate that we’ll soon meet, if we’re really destined to be with each other. Only time could tell, I just need to trust her to forget her fears.

Just kidding though, I hate tragic endings. Oh, did I forget to tell you, we’ve been married in Ithuriel days after I got my licensure in Mechanical Engineering?

--END--

[mitchies-ptsd-diary-blog]

Bill Cosby, Grilled cheese and movies

Last night I was reading my Chevy Stevens book last night with my head lamp. She writes epic books. Anyway… I turn a way from my Chevy Stevens book and towards my two new sets of Chinese stress balls and realized something…. they glow when you put a low level of light on them. That just makes me love the two pairs a lot. As much as I can love a pair of Chinese stress balls or two pairs. Both the clear and blue ones. Than I fell asleep and dreamt of buying earrings and seeing the Toronto blue jays play on.

7:28 a.m The breaking news this morning is about the Bill Cosby sex assault charges. For give me for saying this but I couldn’t give a fly about the Bill Cosby trial. I have no sympathy for people who have raped or and sex with any one. They are stupid and should go to hell instead of prison. I said that about tad comings And his 15 year old girl friend and the search for them. I give a fly about world news to see if there is another flying terrorist attack. I follow that news because of PTSD and deep hatred towards terrorists. Like I want to know more al- badhdadi because I want to know if he is really dead. The terrorists rape women, Ram airplanes full of people into buildings, torture babies and blow them selves up and kill people for no flying reason… they know nothing about their own religion…. Islam.

8:09 a.m Father made a nice warm fire in the fireplace - even thought it is summer. Her just wanted to get rid of some burn able garbage and the fire place produced enough smoke to fog up the living room and setting off the smoke alarm (that part I didn’t like some much.). The part I like is the fact the whole house smells like a mosquito coil bring back happy emotions and positive summer memories of when my parents and I ate out side in the mosquito infested back yard. We never got bit though. I just love the smell. It brings back good vibes and good karma.

10:00 a.m I just had a shit fit over something so insignificant. Now I remember my mother was pissed of with me and I just went ape shit and my father then went batshit as well. He was yelling telling me and I told me fucking house to manage my anger. That doesn’t work, I’ve tried it, it is only angers me even more. Than he started with “favorite” oral essay which consists of the “I” as if to say I am a terrible person. I just wanted to slug him. If he uses that lame oral essay about the word “I”…. I will scream bloody murder. That essay is a pet peeve of mine. He doesn’t understand that I have PTSD and that tough love just triggers my emotions. I hate my dad sometimes, only when he gets on his high horse and says “l….l…..l…. l!” It drives me fucking nutts. I love and respect my dad 99% of the time but that one percent of the time he can go and fuck the fuck off. Today was an example of that one percent.

10:15 a.m I watched a very interesting documentary called YEAR MILLION. I enjoyed it and I was enthralled. It takes about putting the internet in the human brain to help people communicate with each other and that talking and writing will be obsolete and that instead of blogs and emails we would send throughts. This was very interesting and I enjoyed it. It was on National Geographic channel. I recommend the show and channel to anyone I come into contact. This is the very first time that the TV set did not piss me but calmed me down. Usually the tv pisses me off to no end but I educational shit is always the best to watch.

11:35 a.m Ahhh lunch time, the time to pig out on grilled cheese sandwiches. Today the chef at the pub did not disappoint the grilled cheese was like an edible piece of art- taste wise. I wish it was bigger or that I had two sandwiches but my fucking diet fucking only fucking limits my mother fucking food. Hate the diet. Should make bin laden have this fucking diet. Seeing that it is his fucking fault with how his members of retards treated me as a baby. Dear Usama bin Laden….. fuck the fuck you!!

This afternoon my dad and I will be watching BLACK HAWK DOWN. This movie involves the disturbance or attempted disturbance of the terrorists in Somalia but the good guys lose it the movie because one of their helicopters was shoot down by the terrorists. It’s the only war movie I will watch volunterily. I know sounds retard…. person with terrorist related PTSD watching a dumb war movie. They don’t bother me because the bad guys in the war movies never get away.

11:55 a.m RANDOM THOUGHT I was leaving the pub and saw people drinking their bear right out of the fucking bottle. One I feel sorry for bottle to orally raped and the second drinking out of a bottle is barbaric. This is not fucking Afghanistan nor fucking Iraq. Real Canadians (no matter where the come from) would use a fucking glass to drink our beer. Drinking out of a bottle is like sooo redneck hillbilly. END OF RANT.

1:08 p.m Watching BLACK HAWK DOWN with my father. This a good a good movie similar to THE KINGDOM, only it takes place in Somalia instead of Saudi Arabia. I would not go to Somalia for love nor money. There are so much violence, chaos and warlords it would aggravate my PTSD. But the movie does not disappoint nor bothers me. Besides it is based on the actual mission. This movie is soooo freaking great I would recommend anyone who will listen to me or will watch it. The music and the acting are great, story is great and the sights are great. You can actually smell the sweat off of the people. It is gritty, and true. also saw the new remake of FOUR FEATHERS. The African muslims inspired me to do body priecings and body modifications.

[mayacatmaster]

Like a frog is placed in a pot of boiling water，

Like a heart is placed in a Dark Tyranny Rulers.

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We all boil at different degrees. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Via and thanks “Carrie Bell”

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No matter in a body, a home,  a school, a country, a world , a religion~~:

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Observe a religion, observe & witness its “rulers”(holy book; God). ***

Observe a country, observe & witness its “rulers”(country-king; monarch; president). ***

Observe a school, observe & witness its “rulers”(teachers; gurus). ***

Observe a home, observe & witness its “rulers”(home-king; parents). ***

Observe a body, observe & witness its “rulers”(body-mind-king; heart). ***

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Fear and obedience are one of the elites tool to control the masses. *** *** *** I am a human not a robot. So, please...  Don't indoctrinate your children and your inner-children. *** *** *** So, please... Do not indoctrinate your children and your inner-children .

Teach them how to think for themselves.

How to evaluate, question, and research the alleged evidence for themselves; and how to disagree with you and other people respectfully.

We must teach ourselves how to do this too. *** *** *** *** *** ***

So, mercy, mercy, mercy yourself, then you can mercy another…: *** Never let society determine the direction of your moral compass. *** *** ***

Follow the force that is guiding the whole universe is in you.  Pledge allegiance to your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos),  everything is done! ~Huangdi Yinfujing 「觀天之道，執天之行，盡矣！」: 黃帝陰符經； *** *** *** You are never along or helpless. The force that is guiding the whole universe is in you too! *** *** ***

You don't need a leader.

You need the knowledge that will teach you to be your own leader. ~Anonymous *** *** *** The true Spiritual leaders is in the one's own heart, alignment with "Source"(True Self; Tao; Maat; Brahman), embody the principles of Universal Law of “Self Knowledge”( Inner Light; Wisdom; insight). *** *** ***

You don't feel like a puppet on a string when you align with "Source"(True Self；Tao；Brahma). *** *** ***

When the world is in total chaos but you stay alignment with "Source"(Tao; True Self). *** *** *** Between social-mask and your “Original-Face"(Tao; True Self; Source); Between egoism and "Source"(Tao; Maat; Logos; True Self); Between man-made-rules and "Source"(Tao; Maat; Logos; True Self); Between desires and "Source"(Tao; Maat; Logos; True Self); *** *** *** Between your heart and another heart; *** No matter what... You learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than at the end beginning of it. *** *** ***  Otherwise, No matter what…!

*** Your “so call “ God, parents, gurus, government, rulers, holy book, moral, teacher, boss, …! *** *** *** Because of a misguided sense of loyalty...><!!! *** *** *** Some people will only love you if you fit inside their box. *** *** *** They will only teach you, No matter what…: ***  Obey and you can't question it, self-inquiry it,...no matter what, just obey in the ways you have been programmed, … *** *** *** Obey, just as a good Sheep, a white sheep, in your country, your family, your school, your work…! *** *** *** That's the problem with these types of people - what you do for them is never good enough! ***  You can let people walk all over you, but they'll still complain that you're not flat enough. ***  You can let people walk all over you, but they'll still complain that you're not a very good sheep, ~~~><!!!

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【Ruler】: Between the frown of the tiger and the smile of the wolf the flock is perished; the ruler claims himself as king of the law, and the priest as the representative of God, and between these two, the bodies are destroyed and the souls wither into nothing. ~Gibran *** *** *** Cataract is the third biggest cause of blindness. “Religion”(moral) and “Politics”(Education system) remain the first two. *** *** ***

Specially, When…: School said: "Obey or Fail!"; Government said: "Obey or Jail!": Religion said: "Obey or Hell!"; Parents said: "Obey or Punishment!"; *** *** *** May I ask ?: Good or evil, who decides?;  By "Source"(True Self; Tao; Logos: Maat; Brahman) or  Seek "their"(government; parents; guru; husband; teacher; morality; religion) approval. *** *** *** Good and evil are not what our parents told us, not what our church tells us, or our country, not what anybody else tells us!  All of us decide good and evil for ourselves, automatically, by choosing what we want to do! ~Richard Bach  *** *** *** Normal is just an illusion, what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. *** *** *** Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality. *** *** *** And ~~~! The host kills the virus, or the virus kill the host. *** *** *** Universe said: " What the fuck are you guys doing down there?";  "All of you want your children obey your egoism, and disobey his "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos), it's just a joke.";  *** *** *** The “ONE”(Source; Tao; True Self) law governing the Universe said: Why don't you teaching your children and yourself ~~~! alignment with your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos).;  *** *** *** The “ONE”(Source; Tao; True Self) law governing the Universe said: Why don't you teaching your children and yourself ~~~! Pledge allegiance to your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos),  believe your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos) more than over anything , more than over anyone,  *** *** *** Why don't you teaching your children and yourself ~~~! Love your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos),  Trust your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos) more than over anything , more than over anyone,  *** *** *** The “ONE”(Source; Tao; True Self) law governing the Universe said: Why don't you teaching your children and yourself ~~~! Follow your Inner-Christ-Consciousness,  Follow your Inner-"I AM"(Christ Consciousness; God; True Self; Tao; Logos). *** *** ***

There will be …: No Dark Tyranny Rulers. If Nobody Obey. *** *** *** Fear and obedience are one of the elites tool to control the masses.

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Free your soul. Be yourself. Even if it is not accepted by your family, society, culture, or religion! *** *** *** Always Follow your own heart, even if it is against what your religion, society, family or culture is telling you! *** *** ***

Who is the dominant character in the play that you are playing?  Is it you or is it them?  A lot of times you want it to be them sa you say: "I was feeling better until they did that." Oh, so they run your show?  You are the lead in your own movie and everyone else is a cooperative component who will read your script and fill in the pieces exactly as you have defined it. ~Abraham *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks "Abraham-Hicks: Inspirational Quotes" and Abraham *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** A movie is never a movie.  It's a vibration of a reality,  it tells you things about yourself. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Pay no attention to the peanut gallery.  Their compliments will draw you in and the their criticism will later kill you.  That was really profound, sorta how it goes isn't it. ~Abraham *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Otherwise…:

Every man is a quotation from all his ancestors. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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But, unfortunately…:

And Happy April Fool's Day! *** *** *** I am such a fool, ignorant heart. The books, which I have been read, fool me. The teach from outside, which another said "what you should be, fool me.

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OMG, I have finally discovered what's wrong with my brain:  On the left side, there is nothing right,  and on the right side, there is nothing left ~~><!!! *** *** *** When I look into my mind, my heart.  Witness those thoughts, those feelings, those different personality, I see a lot of stupid people walking around my heart acting like they are smart. *** *** *** But they never, ~~~! Watch their own self, as if they are watching another people's self. Watch their own beliefs, as if they are watching another peoples’ beliefs.... inquiry and question it. *** *** *** But they never, ~~~! Question everything they think they know about they "True Self"(Tao；God). Reexamine all that they have been told in parents, school, in church or in any books.  *** *** *** But they never question and self-enquiry, ~~~! Make sure what they have been learned from outside world,  Can help them to get rid of painful and get sweet fruit. Can help them from bondage to freedom. Can help them from personality to individual. Can help them from darkness to light. Can help them from misery to enlightenment. Can help them from ignorance to innocence. Can help them from death to deathlessness. Can help them to realized their "True Self"(Tao；God). *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Too often~~~! Everyone tells you what to do and what's good for you. They don't want you go find your own answers.  They want you to believe theirs. ~Socrates *** *** ***  But,~~~! If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection. *** *** *** 

And no one will listen to us until we listen to ourselves. ~Marianne Williamson

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Through not observing what is in the mind of another a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy.

不要去注意別人心裡在想什麼，一個人就很少會被看成是不幸福的，而那些不注意他們自己內心的活動的人卻必然是不幸的。

This thou must always bear in mind, what is the nature of the whole, and what is my nature, and how this is related to that, and what kind of a part it is of what kind of a whole; and that there is no one who hinders thee from always doing and saying the things which are according to the nature of which thou art a part.

你必須總是把這記在心裡：什麼是整體的本性，什麼是我的本性，兩者怎麼聯繫，我的本性是一個什麼性質的整體的一部分；沒有人阻止你說或者做那符合本性（你是其中的一部分）的事情。

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ＂The Meditations＂By Marcus Aurelius *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

So, mercy, mercy, mercy yourself, then you can mercy another…: ***

All life is an experiment.

The more experiments you make the better.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Here give you a virus program protection and a virus program scanner ...^^ *** *** *** Use your heart like mirror, witness and no identify with any kind of "words"(thoughts). *** *** *** Believe nothing. Just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing. Just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing. Just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing. Just because it is said to be divine origin. Believe nothing. Just because someone else believes it. ~Buddha *** *** *** Only believe what through your self-enquiry and verification to be true  Only believe what can help yourself get rid of painful and get sweet fruit…! *** *** *** And self-enquiry and verification these follow questions from our heart. *** *** *** Before you identify with it as “true, real, me, mine, myself”  Before you want speak it, activate it, acting it, becoming it…:  *** *** *** Let your "words"(thoughts) pass through these gates . At the first gate, ask yourself, " It is true?"; At the second ask, " It is necessary?"; At the third gate ask, " It is kind, wisdom, compassion?"; *** *** *** And most important question is ...: Are you feeling good when you identify with it as “true, real, me, mine, myself” ? *** *** *** Make sure they can help you~~~! to get rid of painful and get sweet fruit. from bondage to freedom. from personality to individual.  from darkness to light. from misery to enlightenment. from ignorance to innocence. from death to deathlessness. to realized your "True Self"(Tao；God). *** *** *** When you can mercy, mercy, mercy yourself,  Then you have ability to mercy another. *** *** *** Just as Albert Einstein said: "A foolish faith in authority is the worst enemy of the truth." ***  Just as "Socrates" said: “To find yourself, question and think for yourself.” -Socrates *** *** *** So, question your belief system . *** *** *** Watch your words because your words have power.  Your words have power. Use them wisely and compassion. Special use them wisely and mercy, mercy, mercy yourself,  Then you have ability to mercy another. *** *** *** It's easy to doubt & question other people's beliefs but very hard to doubt & question you own. *** You should not trample your "Truth"(True Self；Tao；God) to please other's "should be". *** Who's beliefs are you watering? *** *** *** And do not pursue that of which you have no “Wisdom”(self-enquiry); Verily! The hearing, and the sight, and the feeling in the heart, of each of those you will be questioned by “Source”(Allah; True Self; Tao; Brahman). ~ QUR'AN 17:36 *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** The blind man is not equal with the seer; ~ QUR'AN 35:19 Neither the darkness (es) and the light. ~ QUR'AN 35:20 Nor is the shadow equal with the sun's full heat; ~ QUR'AN 35:21 And in no way are the living and the dead equal. Surely “Source”(Allah; True Self; Tao; Brahman) makes to hear whomever He decides; and in no way can you ever make (the ones) in the tombs to hear. ~ QUR'AN 35:22 *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** “Source”(Allah; True Self; Tao; Brahman) is the Light of the heavens and the earth. ~ QUR'AN 35:22 *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Matthew6:22 [hb5] 眼 睛 就 是 身 上 的 燈 ． 你 的 眼 睛 若 瞭 亮 、 全 身 就 光 明 。 [kjv] The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. [bbe] The light of the body is the eye; if then your eye is true, all your body will be full of light. Matthew6:23 [hb5] 你 的 眼 睛 若 昏 花 、 全 身 就 黑 暗 ． 你 裡 頭 的 光 若 黑 暗 了 、 那 黑 暗 是 何 等 大 呢 。 [kjv] But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! [bbe] But if your eye is evil, all your body will be dark. If then the light which is in you is dark, how dark it will be! *** *** ***

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. *** Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of “Truth”(Tao；True Self；God). *** The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules.  It's people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages. *** Watching & witness your own life movie, regard it as other people's life movie. Watching & witness your owns self, regard it as other people's self. Watching & witness your owns beliefs, regard it as other people's beliefs and doubt & question it. *** *** *** Question Authority. *** Get rid of beliefs that keep you running around following rules others have set down. ***  So, when you can do it. Just stop should-ing on yourself. ***  Happiness, peace is  what you think,  what you say,  and what you doing are in harmony with the essence of your natural being,  in align with your "True Self GPS"( The Global Positioning System of your inner Cosmic wisdom). Maybe you can say:" I am on my own path and Universe is my guide." You don't feel like a puppet on a string when you align with "Source"(True Self；Tao；God). *** *** *** EVERYTHING is cooperating with YOU,  when YOU are cooperating with your "True Self"(Tao；God). *** *** *** Those in alignment Follow the order of "Source"(Tao；True Self；Brahman), they Follow the way of "Source"(Tao；True Self；Brahman), they Follow the timing of "Source"(Tao；True Self；Brahman) and they Follow the design of "Source"(Tao；True Self；Brahman).  They are calm; They are clear;  They are real. Having arrived at the "Root"(Tao；True Self；Brahman),  They are never confused by the branches. *** *** *** Otherwise, ~~~! When the "gold sand" in the eyes, it's still blocked and hurt your eyes. When "gold sand" in your heart-eyes , everything in your world will be blocked, hurt and can't lead you align with "True Self"(Tao；God). The "I-thought" blocked and hurt heart and soul. The "artificial moral law" blocked and hurt "True Self"(Tao；God). *** *** *** *** *** *** ***