#but my relationship with that line is also not uncomplicated

[shoku-and-awe]

OKAY YES this is absolutely asinine and I know it, but also it made me literally whoop out loud and scare my dog so here you go!

The fucking Toden, baby! Why yes, I AM an adorable tram(p) that roams suburban Arakawa, hurtling back and forth between Rocco's Pizza in Oji and my beloved dinky shitamachi neighborhood at mindbending speeds in excess of 13 km/h! I miss those days! I miss the incessant dinging noise. I miss the elderly passengers and their tiny overstimulated grandchildren and all the advertisements for enka singers and medical clinics. Constantly getting passed by mamacharis and loving every minute.

[feralparsnip]

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[throughparisallthroughrome]

R U Mine?

Summary: Anakin has an on-again-off-again, friends-with-benefits type fling with the reader, who won’t commit to him because he’s in the order. She becomes resentful of that fact and eventually starts to make him jealous. anakin loses it

Wordcount: 6.1k

CW: Smut, oral sex (male receiving), cheating but not really, Anakin and reader both being toxic, cursing, drinking, not that proofread

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to finish! I wanted it to be exactly how I pictured the song. I've also had COVID and just returned to college (taking 6 classes is insane). So, wish me luck! Lemme know if you want to be added to any taglists. As always, criticism is welcome and so is my ask box <3

masterlist.

Frustrated wasn’t the right word for what Anakin was feeling. Exasperated, maybe. Pissed? Oh abso-fucking-lutely.

The relationship Anakin had with you was… complicated to say the least. Far more than he wanted to admit- and far more than he ever liked. You swore up and down that you wanted him one day, and wouldn’t even look his direction the next. You’d get on your knees, begging for him, needing him to fuck you relentlessly; But tomorrow? Tomorrow you didn’t know his name. It suddenly became foreign to your tongue, perhaps just to spite him. That part he wasn’t entirely sure of. How could someone like you treat him like that? Lead him on just to break him the next day?

He just didn’t fucking get you. You were smart, funny, incredibly sexy, and an overall good person (when you weren’t pretending he didn’t exist). You claimed the hearts of many when you walked into a room, and the people you surrounded yourself with stay enamored, never straying too far away from your spell.

Things were far more uncomplicated at the beginning of your complicated relationship (if you could even call it that). Anakin never felt this anxiety- this fear. He wouldn’t ball his fists as he watched you flirt with another man. He wouldn’t hold his breath every time he saw you. He wouldn’t feel himself tense up after he’d cum, knowing where you would go. Of course, the more he got in trouble, the more he needed you. And that’s how he landed into the worst problem of them all.

You represented the Jedi as a lawyer, and Anakin found himself in your office from time to time. Platonically, of course. A few republic and Jedi issues on different missions brought him to you quite a few times. Whether it was for simple legal advice or he actually needed help, you were the first person he went to.

At first, he didn’t notice you much. You rarely made eye contact and stayed professional, asking a few questions occasionally as he shared parts of his missions that the council was concerned about possibly welcoming issues. The line of legality during a war can be very, very thin.

“Skywalker,” He snapped his head up, meeting your face as a grin broke out on your lips.

“I-I’m here.” He shifted up in his seat, glancing around the room for a moment before realizing he totally spaced out.

“You’re not yourself today,” You stand up from behind your desk, gracefully walking over and sitting in the seat next to him, holding his arm gently as you cocked your head and smiled.

“Wanna talk about it?”

The interaction was simple- effective. He was done for- instantly gone. He felt as if you flipped a switch in your personality just with your gaze in that very moment. You went from a peer to the most incredible thing he was blessed to lay eyes on. You were suddenly magnetic, and Anakin couldn’t fucking resist.

He opened up to you, feeling much better about it afterwards, and you told him he could come back and see you anytime he’d like- as a friend. And of course, Anakin could never resist your temptation. He came after every mission, looking forward to sitting in your office and just looking in your eyes as you intently listen. Feeling your eyes flicker down to his lips and back to his pupils. Watching as your hand snakes up and fixes the collar of your shirt, bringing his attention to your cleavage. He watched as you bit your lip intensely, breaking through your painted shiny lips into a little bit of blood.

And you knew you had him wrapped around your fucking finger.

Eventually, he asked for your contact information, “As friends,” he would say, knowing damn well it was never and would never be platonic. You talked a lot, exchanging various texts and phone calls, leading him on for weeks. He spent every waking moment thinking about you. The second you invited him out away from the Temple, another switch was flipped. Anakin’s fucking common sense.

The moment he took you home from the bar, your lips were on his feverishly, pulling him into your touch, grinding your hips against his groin. Again, he couldn’t resist. You were all he could fucking think about and here you were, practically begging for him with your tongue down his throat. He fucked you that night- the beginning of something beautiful, and fucking dangerous.

This, of course, went on for months. Those late nights, some drinks, his cock buried deep inside of you as you screamed out his name so loud you hardly had a voice the next day. You know it was wrong- he was bound by the code and you weren’t- you were taking advantage of that, advantage of him. But it felt so fucking good. And neither of you wanted to stop

Of course, neither of you expected to fall in love.

You felt something in the way he was gentle with you, the way he would brush your hair behind your cheek. The way he’d kiss your forehead while making love fucking, telling you how good you feel, how much he loved fucking you. And there was that word again. You began opening up to him, actually wanting to have a friendship aside from the casual fucking. The fucking needed the ‘casual’ part. For a while, it was straight fucking. But you still rejected him, seeing similar feelings bubble up in his eyes.

But Anakin knew he was in love a lot longer before you did. He knew it was wrong, but it only made him want you more. He knew it was bad, and he couldn’t help but be more enticed by the idea of it. The idea of you. He wanted to wake up next to you every morning, pulling you into his arms as he looked into your big doe eyes and kisses your soft lips. He wanted to come home to you, wanted to see your face light up as he swings open the front door. He wanted you to be his and only his. But he just couldn’t resist fucking you, either.

And yet you left him lonely and confused every time.

There were 3 instances he could remember where he knew you were driving him crazy- in all of the right ways. Whether it was your perfect tight pussy, those gorgeous round tits or the way you looked into his eyes, biting your lip and batting your eyelashes. You always got what you wanted from him- you were taking full advantage of the Jedi and he didn’t care.

He remembers a particularly awful mission, the separatists unexpectedly advanced on him and his battalion before they had the chance to escape. There were multiple casualties and the information ended up being lost, as well as all leads they had. It was a dead end- and Anakin was sick of dead ends.

He texted you a few times, feeling particularly annoyed by the ‘delivered’ that flashed on his phone as you never responded. He tried calling, only for it to go straight to voicemail. You were ignoring him? And for what?

He threw his phone down on his bed, leaning against his headboard and putting his face in his palms as he groaned loudly in annoyance from your rejection. He made you cum 8 times last night and you couldn’t text or call him back?

He bit his lip in frustration, thinking back onto the fond memories with you from the night before. He just needed some reassurance, after all, you two were friends, right..? He didn’t like his hesitation when he thought that. Were you really friends? Or was all of that confiding just to get into his pants knowing damn well it was against every moral he was supposed to have as a Jedi.

He abruptly stands up, realizing that maybe a night to himself would probably be better anyways. He needs a fucking drink- and he knows exactly where to go.

To say that he wasn’t going to Mazzy’s because that was where you two went for the first time and he liked the memory would be a lie. To say he wasn’t going to Mazzy’s in case he would run into you? Well, that was an even bigger fucking lie. And did he run into you…

He recalls sitting at the end of the bar, ordering a scotch from the pretty bartender and watching as she bent over to grab the bottle, showing off her tits as she gave him a wink. He nodded in response, giving a tight lipped smile while paying no mind to her advances. He grabs the scotch slightly aggressively off the bar, taking a large swig as he turns his attention away from the bartender to do a little people watching.

He skims the crowd, noticing quite a few familiar faces. For Coruscant, that was surprising. But this bar definitely had it’s regulars. He turns his attention back to the bar, watching the way the light bounced off of the multicolored glasses on the shelves as he traced his finger against the rim of his glass. And there it was. That fucking laugh.

He whipped his head so fucking fast to the location of the sound that the bartender could have sworn it almost fell off. And there you were… in all of your glory… cheating on him?

He recognized the dress, the long slit up your thigh leaving quite little to the imagination. You were practically sitting on this mans lap, laughing at his jokes and tracing his collarbone with your painted fingertip. He noticed the stain on the mans cheek, none other than your signature color. And it was extremely hard to look away from the dark spots littering your neck- the same place he left his hickeys before. He knew you had lovers before- but not like this.

His hand was clenched around his glass, his knuckles turning white as the glass threatened to break under his grip. He didn’t realize at what point he stood up and started walking over, but it had to be right after you began to aggressively make out with the stranger. He had seen enough.

“What the fuck is this?” He seethes, you pull away, slightly shocked but a smirk still trained on your painted lips.

“Ani- what are you doing here! Such a sight for poor eyes!” You cheer, throwing your arm with your cosmopolitan around the man’s neck you were with.

The mans eyes darkened and so did yours. You were clearly wasted, and Anakin felt his heart pound in his chest. You were in no position to consent to anything, much less be taken home by this man. He didn’t trust the scene that was being laid out in front of him.

He quickly grabbed your arm, pulling you off the man and spilling your drink on his chest. You yelped in surprise at his actions, but your cry quickly turned into giggles as you were amused by how irritated Anakin was. He was infuriated with you. You were being such a brat.

He opens the door to the bar and pulls you around the corner and down the alley.

“So aggressive.” You mumble and he huffs.

“What the fuck was that? What about us? How long have you been fucking around on me?”His hands pin you down against the rough bricks, his words loud and angry.

His brow twitches slightly as he waits for your response. Your mouth tugs into a smirk as you trace his collarbone through his shirt and let out a gentle laugh.

“I never said we were exclusive, Anakin.”

And there it was.

“I- oh,” His face drops at the sight of your smirk, along with his heart. “I understand,”

“Don’t worry, Ani,” You bite your lip and bring your hand to his cheek while he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, “You mean more to me than any lousy fuck I have.”

His eyes shot open to meet yours as your smile grew. He was so fucking enamored with you that he didn’t mind the manipulation your words were laced with.

You leaned further into him and kissed his cheek, letting your hands roam on his body. He groaned slightly as your hands cupped him right where he needed you. You let your lips trail down his neck, hearing a couple soft groans leaving his lips. You pulled away lowered your voice to a whisper, he shivered as he felt your hot breath on his ear.

“It was nice to see you, Ani,” You pulled away and stumbled around the corner and back into the bar.

Anakin was speechless. He was sure his jaw dropped through the ground beneath him. He didn’t know what to do- or how to even move. And as much as it pained him to leave- his drink unfinished and his tab not paid- he fucking bolted back to the temple. There was no way he was walking back in there to see you again.

Weeks later, he did his best to put you out of his mind. He knew if he started letting his mind wander, it’d go right to you and your hold on him. His feelings- his cock. But then it’d wander back to seeing you kiss another man- another man’s marks littering your neck. He couldn’t bear the thought of either. Not right now.

It was hard to do anything around the temple- he’d search every corner for you. He thanked the maker the days he would get assigned missions and get out of there. Of course, since that night, they fell very few and far between.

And of course, Anakin always did catch glimpses of you in the Temple. He’d see you in your perfect little pantsuits with your clipboard talking to some other Jedi. If he was lucky, you’d have those slutty little glasses on. His pants would instantly tighten. It had been weeks since you slept together, and he couldn’t bare the idea of his hand, knowing exactly where his thoughts would wander. Every time you caught him staring- he was gone in an instant.

The second instance happened after another rough mission- but still a success nonetheless. After arriving back to the Temple, spending some time at the med bay, briefing the council, and filling out far too much paperwork, his communicator went off at his desk.

“Skywalker, speaking,” He grunted, flipping a few pages around as he scanned over his words in his mission report.

“Oh you sound particularly delightful today, Anakin,” He rolled his eyes at the sound of his old master, the sarcasm dripping off of his voice.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Obi-Wan?” He smirked to himself, setting his pen down and leaning back in his chair.

“I’m afraid the Council has requested us to speak with Miss L/N about this mission,” Anakin instantly froze, his smile dropping, “I’m not exactly sure about the reasoning- but apparently she personally requested us. She had an interest in some parts of this mission,”

“Of fucking course,” Anakin grumbled, picking his pen up with the force and twirling it in the air as his scowl deepened.

“What was that?” Anakin froze, realizing who he was talking to.

“Nothing, Master. Will be there soon,” He quickly ended the call, leaning back in his chair and groaning as he thought about the mission. His pants had instantly tightened upon hearing your last name, and there was no time to wait for that to disappear.

He sulked and walked as slowly as he could on his way to your office, turning the familiar corners with a bad taste in his mouth. He heard your laugh from down the hall and felt his shoulders and cock stiffen.

He pushed open the door with the force, being met with you and Obi-Wan as you sat and discussed something, both of your faces beat red from laughing.

“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan manages to breathe out, “Nice of you to show up,”

Anakin ignores his remark, sitting down on the sofa next to him and darkening his gaze towards you as his eyes trail down your body. The pantsuit you had on today was a deep red and tighter fitting than you normally wore. The shirt you had on underneath was skin tight, showing off your cleavage and the texture of the bra underneath. Anakin swore if he had looked longer he could see the lace of your bra peaking out, your nipples hardening underneath it.

He took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, feeling the tightness in his pants really start to get him as his eyes trailed back up to the smirk that painted your lips.

“So, why are we here?” He sneered as you raised a brow, your smile growing from his annoyance. Obi-Wan nudged his leg slightly, throwing him a glare. His expression didn’t waver.

“Sassy today, I see,” You giggled to yourself, watching his eyes grow darker, the bulge in his pants growing as well, “Just came to hear a few things about the mission-“

“Like what?” He interrupted, leaning back into his seat and huffing to himself in annoyance.

“Well, Skywalker, maybe if you let me finish I could tell you.” His gaze never faltered, so you let your smile drop. You sat up straighter and became suddenly much more professional.

“Just need to know the details, Anakin. Obi Wan already told me most of it-“

“Then why am I needed?” He crossed his arms and Obi-Wan turned to look at him.

“Well, Anakin, maybe if you let our friend explain, we could talk-“ Anakin scoffs loudly at Obi-Wan, and you feel the heat rise within you.

“Okay, fine. Fucking talk. Ask. Whatever.” He furrows his brows as he watches you cross your legs and cough slightly, your tits bouncing purely for his pleasure.

“As I was saying, just needed to make sure we don’t need to worry about any legal repercussions with Hynestia Prime. You have a tendency of getting in trouble in that area, Skywalker. You can’t blame me for wanting to check- especially with a monarchy as prominent as their’s.” You clicked your pen, bringing it to your lips and gently biting it as you waited for a response from Anakin.

“I’m sure Obi-Wan mentioned it was a fairly standard in and out mission-“

“No interruptions? No casualties?” You interrupted, leaning forward slightly and meeting his fairly irritated gaze.

“If you’d let me finish-“

“Skywalker, you interrupted first.” You leaned back in your chair, unclicking your pen and writing something down, avoiding his eyes, “Besides, it’s been a while since you’ve paid me a visit, anyways.”

Obi-Wan raises a brow and Anakin coughs awkwardly as you smirk at his reaction. He glared at you before clearing his throat once again.

“Hasn’t- uh- Hasn’t been necessary. Been on my best behavior.” He stuttered out, avoiding Obi-Wan’s eyes.

“Uh huh,” You smile to yourself, clicking your pen and standing up, bending over to grab something off the floor, “Well, I’ll have paperwork sent to your quarters. I hope your writing matches your words, Skywalker.”

You walk over to Obi-Wan, shaking his hand and telling him how nice it was to see him. You avoided Anakin’s gaze, but you could feel it burning on your skin as he never wavered from his position next to Kenobi.

“It’s been lovely, Y/N. Anakin, I’ll catch up with you later,” Anakin nods in response, not meeting his eyes as he keeps them fixed upon you. The second the door is latched shut, he’s immediately in your face.

“What the fuck is your problem today? Saying that in front Obi-Wan? Risking my position as a Jedi?” You smiled under him, squeezing your thighs shut as he yelled in your face, “I mean- you are fucking unbelievable! Fucking ridiculous.” He turns away from you and begins pacing your office, rubbing his temple in annoyance.

You keep your mouth shut, your smile growing wider and the wetness growing in your panties as you watch the vein in his neck pop from anger. You walk up to him and push him on the sofa, getting on your knees in the process.

“What the fuck are you doing.” He seethes, watching you unbutton his pants.

“You’re so pent up darling,” You lick your lips as you palm him through his robes lightly, “When was the last time you gave yourself any satisfaction?”

“Y/N, please don’t-“ He’s cut off by his own groans at the feeling of you pulling out his dripping cock.

“Don’t what, baby?” You look up at him with your big doe eyes, batting your eyelashes as he groans one more time, pre cum practically pouring out of him and on your hand. “You don’t want me to take care of you?” You lift your hand up and lick the pre cum off slowly, never breaking eye contact as his breath hitches.

“I- Fuck- Ah- I don’t remember what I was saying,” You smirk at his words, gently jerking him off as you watch his eyes practically roll.

“That’s what I thought.”

You shove his cock down your throat brutally, instantly letting it hit the back. Anakin jumps slightly, letting out a loud moan at the feeling of you deepthroating him so quickly. You bob up and down, the tears flowing freely as you squeeze him in between your fingers. You could practically cum yourself with the noises he’s making.

“Y/N- Y/N- oh my fucking-“ He cuts himself off with another loud moan, feeling you milk his cock dry with your mouth. He didn’t even have to fuck your throat. You were doing it for him.

You kept going, feeling his cock spaz in your throat. He was close- very close. His moans grew louder, more raspy and whiny as you throat fucked him.

“Y/N- I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum- Ah-“ And with that, you shoved his cock all the way down your throat, licking the bottom of his shaft and giving his balls a gentle squeeze.

He loudly moans as his cock spazzes in your mouth, painting your throat white with his cum. You keep sucking and licking through his orgasm, feeling him squirm under your touch. There was more cum in your mouth than you have ever felt in your life.

You sit back, letting his cock flop back onto his lap. You open your mouth, letting the cum drip out and onto your tits as he watched with his mouth slightly agape, moaning at the sight.

“Y/N…” He whispers, watching you swallow his seed as he cups your face in his hand.

You stand up and grab a tissue for him, letting him clean up while you press a few kisses to his temple. He looks up at you and kisses you passionately, pulling away and smiling at you.

Interrupting your moment, the phone rings. You smirk at him one more time before getting back onto your feet, letting out a gentle groan as you make your way to your desk. Anakin’s eyes never leave your figure, watching your every move as his cock prepares for round two.

“Hey baby,” You answer the phone and Anakin instantly tenses, “No, I’m at work. Just been busy.” You turn to face Anakin and he’s already gone.

As much as you hate to say it, your heart ached a little at his absence.

The third and final instance Anakin would have never expected in a thousand years. But there you were.

He woke abruptly, not by a nightmare (at least yet), but to the sound of harsh knocks on his door.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes for a moment, the knocks unrelentless. Throwing the covers to the side, he stood up and put a robe and pants on, growing increasingly annoyed with whatever visitor thought it to be best to wake him up like this.

He aggressively throws open the door and his heart drops at the sight of you. Holy fuck- you were gorgeous. He felt his jaw drop slightly at you and the smirk spread on your face. He noticed a particular blush to your cheeks and he realized he could smell the liquor pouring off of you. Fuck.

“Baby,” You pushed him inside his quarters, your heels clanking against the ground as you kicked the door shut behind you, “Need you so bad,” You dropped your coat, revealing your lingerie underneath and he bit his lip.

“Y/N, what are you-“ Anakin’s cut off abruptly by your painted lips meeting his, and he stumbled back as your hand meets his cock. He groans into your mouth as you smile, deepening the kiss.

“Fuck-“ He finds himself moaning under your touch, unable to resist you as you let the lust take over.

Suddenly, his eyes widen and he pushes you off of him, catching his breath. You smirk at him, walking closer to kiss him once again only to be met with his hand on your chest, gently pushing you away from him once again.

“You’re drunk,” He breathes out, and you laugh.

“And? So what? I want you,” You whine, walking closer only to be met with his hand once again. “What’s your fucking problem?”

He scoffs at you, taking another step back away from you. “Y/N, you can’t just show up here fucking drunk and naked. What if someone saw you? What if-“

“For fucks sake will you just shut up and fuck me?” Again, you were met with resistance, his brows furrowing in annoyance.

“No, I’m not having sex with you. You’re being a brat. And you’re fucking drunk. I don’t want this.” He attempts to say calmly and you scoff at him.

“And you’re being a fucking dick.”

“I’m being a fucking dick?” He comes closer now, putting his finger on your chest accusingly, “You can’t keep your fucking legs shut! And to think that I thought we had something- meanwhile you’re calling every fucking man on Coruscant ‘baby’ while I go off to war thinking of you! Thinking that maybe- just maybe- you were thinking of me too! And fuck, was I so fucking wrong-”

“Shut the fuck up! You just want my pussy!” You stumble back away from him, avoiding his piercing gaze.

“That’s the fucking thing! I wish I did! But I don’t! I actually fucking like you. Like- a lot. And you’re so goddamn frustrating!” Anakin yells loudly, watching as you continue to pull away from him during his confession.

“You don’t mean that. You’re just saying-“ As you tried to continue, you were cut off by the sounds of your own screams, tripping over your coat and cutting yourself on a piece of metal on the floor.

“Shit- Y/N, come here baby.” Anakin immediately rushes to your aid, wincing slightly at your bloody knees on the ground below him.

“Ah fuck- Ani- It hurts,” You whine as he bites his lip at your tears, trying to figure out the best course of action.

“Here,” He puts his arms under your legs, pulling you into his chest as he picks you up and sets you on his bed. You wet his chest with your tears, emotions spilling over from the cuts and the fight. “Hold tight, sweetheart. I’m gonna clean you up, okay?”

He gets on his knees in front of you, wiping a tear from your eyes as he watches you concerned. He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead before getting up and hastily rushing to his bathroom. He throws open the cabinet, searching for first aid supplies as he hears your whines grow louder from the pain. The cuts were pretty deep and he cursed himself for leaving out a project so haphazardly on the floor.

“Give my hair a tug if it gets to be too much, yeah?” He gets on his knees in front of you as you give him a rushed nod. You giggle slightly at his request but the second the alcohol meets your bloody knees, your hands are in his hair and you let out a little yelp.

“You’re doing so well, sweetheart. I know it hurts- I’m so sorry. This will be better soon- I promise.” He mumbles to you as you continue to cry under his touch, waiting for the pain to end.

By the time he bandages you fully and gets some water in you, you’ve sobered up enough to realize your mistake. You had fallen way too hard for the Jedi in front of you- literally. And with your bloodied knees, it felt like the galaxy was telling you that.

He stands up and moves to the bathroom, putting his supplies away and washing his hands while you stand and grab your coat.

“I- Um- I’m sorry,” He pauses washing his hands, letting the water run over them as he slowly looks up at you. He can feel something’s wrong. He quickly dries them and makes his way over to you hesitantly.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Did something else happen?” He tentatively puts his hand on your arm, his breath hitching as you move away from his touch.

“Yes- sorry- just made a mistake. Thank you for taking care of me. It was nice to see you.” You avoid his concerned gaze, holding your coat to your chest tightly as you make your way to the door.

“Y/N- Wait!” He grabs your arm once again, and you feel yourself wince at his touch, tears bubbling to your eyes that you didn’t know existed. “I don’t understand- what happened?”

“Ani- I just,” you take a deep breath, squeezing your hands into fists. Finally turning to face him, you whisper, “I-I I just can’t do this anymore.”

His face instantly drops at the sight of you. You were so raw and emotional suddenly, the alcohol leaving a nasty taste in your mouth and bringing out a new side to you. One he was unfamiliar with. Before he could respond, you had shed a tear and left his quarters, leaving him hurt and confused once again.

This was different, it felt different- he could recognize that. The way you left made him nauseous. The things you said. He couldn’t help but stand there stunned, unable to move for quite some time until he realized just what happened. You ended things with him. He was more confused than ever.

In the passing weeks, as much as Anakin wanted to respect your boundaries and your wishes- he felt it to be nearly impossible. He took on more responsibilities as a Jedi, increasing his efforts in the war and politically. He did everything he could to stay away from you and get you off of his mind.

He became more closed off, distracting himself from any pain he felt possible. The people around him noticed, offering help and guidance when they could. His own padawan and old master poked and prodded about him relentlessly, but he never gave in to their concern.

Occasionally, he’d catch glimpses of you throughout the temple, and instead of his cock hardening at the sight of you like it once did, his heart only hurt. Your smile made him nauseous, your laugh a knife twisting inside of him. As much as he cared for you, he hated the idea of you doing well. Moving on without him.

And there he was, doing exactly what you did to him…

He knocked harshly, enough that if he ran away at this point it’d be fucking embarrassing. He forced himself to do this- at least he was sober when you weren’t. And he wasn’t exactly here for sex, but if it happened, well… he always heard breakup sex was nice. If he could even call this a ‘breakup’.

Anakin felt himself start to sweat a little. He didn’t know what to expect from this. What to expect from you. You were always different, always surprising him. Even when he thought he knew you- or loved you- there was always something knew that attempted to change that.

But Anakin knew deep down how hard he had fallen for you. And just how impossible it would be to change that. And while he was already sweating from nerves, it quickly turned into anger. He loved you. Loved. And yet you continued to walk all over him and his emotions? What the fuck? Has he not shown you just how devoted he was to you? Why were you so-

“Anakin,” His eyes instantly met your tired ones, darkened with a certain rage you couldn’t quite make out. “What are you doing here?”

He was silent. The scary kind of Anakin silent that sent shivers down the spines of those who witnessed it. And man, you felt it. His eyes trailed up your body, the silky lace nightgown you wore suddenly felt more revealing than it did a few minutes prior. You felt your breath hitch in your throat from his silence, your fingers fidgeting with your nightgown as you unconsciously straightened your posture a bit.

“Anakin, what are you- Hey!” He suddenly welcomed himself in your apartment, pushing through you and into your living room. You slam the door behind you, turning and facing the angry man behind you.

“You shouldn’t be here.” You sigh, attempting to stay calm as you watched the taller man in front of you unravel.

“Why? Is there someone else here?” He seethes, stepping closer to you.

“No! And even if there was- that’s none of your fucking business, Anakin. We aren’t fucking together. You are just a good fuck and that is all.” You step closer, your words twisting like knives but he never backs down. His finger meets your chest accusingly, his lips upturning into a smirk.

“Y/N, we both know that’s not it.” You shudder under his gaze, turning away from him to conceal your emotions.

“Anakin- we can’t.” You state plainly, and for once he can’t read you.

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because we can’t!” You turn around and scream, “Because you’re a fucking JEDI and it’s against everything we stand for! And you’re the fucking chosen one! I’m not doing this. As much as I’d like to and as much as I fucking resent all of that- it doesn’t make the reality we are in any less of a problem.”

“I’d leave it all for you.”

“No you fucking won’t!” You give him a shove, “You’re so fucking frustrating!”

“I’m so fucking frustrating? That’s fucking rich.” He grabs your arm, forcing you to face him, “Do you know how fucking bad it hurts to watch you with other men? How hard it is to hear you call them baby? And you think that isn’t fucking frustrating? All I wanna fucking hear you say is that you’re mine. I just want you to be mine!”

“ANAKIN PLEASE!” You crumble beneath him, “It’s not like I fucking enjoy it! I spend my nights wishing it was you! It-It’s just all a fucking distraction! Because I want you so fucking bad and I can’t have you.” Your voice cracks slightly and his gaze softens upon seeing your teary eyes.

“I’m in love with you.”

“Anakin, please stop,” You fall to your knees, feeling your heart ache at his confession, “Please- we can’t do this.”

“Baby,” He sits down next you softly, holding you in his arms, “I will do everything I can to make this possible. We can keep it a secret for now and after the war? Who knows what’s possible.” You glance up at him, eyes glossy and lip quivering.

“I-I don’t know.” You whisper, avoiding his eyes, “I’ve spent so long pushing this down. Feeling resentment towards you and your status and the fact that we could never make this work. I spent so much time having really awful sex just to try and take my mind off of you.”

“Did it work?” He whispers back, his lips curving into a soft smile.

“No,” You hiccup, a blush spreading to your cheeks, “I kept accidentally moaning your name.” You both giggle and he pulls you into his arms.

“That’s my girl.”

He pulls you in once more, letting your tears dry as you both take in the comfortable silence surrounding you. You can feel his heartbeat slow, the tension leaving his muscles as he holds you close. He was finally relaxed, and so were you.

“Y/N, can I call you mine?” He whispers against your neck, and you can feel his nerves return.

“You got me, baby, I’m yours.”

[ladyloveandjustice]

Spring 2023 Anime Overview: Yuri is my Job!

Premise: Hime Shiraki is a high schooler whose life goal is to be always cute and loved by everyone so she can achieve her dream of marrying a millionaire and living the easy life. Who cares if that means she has to lie and pretend? But then she’s roped into working at a café. The waitresses of the cafe playact as students from a fictional all girl’s school from a famous novel that focused on ‘romantic friendships’ between schoolgirls. (It’s a Class S yuri café basically. They put on a show that has the vibes and premise of Maria Watches Over Us for customers.)

Hime’s already great at acting, but she’s flummoxed by her co-worker Mitsuki. Mitsuki acts like a doting upperclassman when they’re in front of customers, but the second they’re off the clock, she’s harsh and cold to Hime. Hime is determined to make Mitsuki like her, but Mitsuki may be more than she appears…

At it's core, Yuri is My Job starts out seeming like a fun gay comedy boasting a cast full of quirky lesbians, but then reveals itself to be a complicated and fascinating examination of performance- as it intersects with queerness, girlhood, and the desire to be "likeable" and "cute," The girls at the cafe "perform" romantic friendships with each other- these friendships that they perform are uncomplicated, cute, and consumable to an audience. But the real relationships they have with each other are much less "safe" and much more complex, and the drama they deal with as real people often interferes with the "act".

Hime's entire life is about putting on a performance to seem likeable and acceptably cute to everyone, and she's terrified of seeing that performance fall to pieces. Mitsuki, in contrast, struggled as a child because she COULDN'T acceptably fake that "likeable" cuteness. She was too honest, too blunt and awkward, too "real". Most queer people know the stress of having to put on an act and hide your real self to be acceptable, and YIMJ explores this wonderfully with these characters.

It's not just Hime and Mitsuki,the rest of the cast struggles too. Kanoko is so invested in her role of "supportive best friend" and being the only one Hime drops the act around, she's also suppressing her real self and her real romantic feelings for Hime. As a result, she becomes possessive, jealous, and expresses her feelings in secretive, unhealthy ways. The irony is that she believes in order to access Hime's "real" self, she has to put on her own mask. She can't picture a life outside her role as pining best friend. The pining, obsessive (sometimes in just a mildly quirky way, sometimes not so much) lesbian best friend with an unrequited crush  is a well worn trope both in yuri and non-yuri anime-think Tomoyo from CCS- but YIMJ examines the trauma that comes with that and how suppressing a part of yourself to play a role might feed into that obsessive behavior.

Meanwhile. we have Sumika, who is VERY invested in the romantic friendships of the cafe, and had come to believe real romance is toxic and ruins the purity of those relationships. She panics when confronted with the reality of queerness and when she sees two coworkers enter a blatant queer relationship. Sumika's whole deal is maybe the most fascinating at all, and makes a lot of sense if you look at it as a critique of Class S, "pure" yuri, and the fucked up world of internalized lesbophobia.

In recent years, there's been more yuri critiquing the trappings of "Class S" yuri. Class S is yuri that straddles the line between 'friendship' and 'romance', typically taking place in an all-girl's school sealed off from the rest of society, with an either unspoken or spoken implication that the lesbianism is just a transient phase and all the girls will eventually renter the "real world" have to settle down and marry a man.

There's been some pushback against these ideas, obviously. Bloom into You, Run Away with me Girl and many other yuri examine how harmful  'just a phase' rhetoric is towards lesbians. Flip Flappers famously had the episode where the girls were caught in a creepy Class S school that led them on an endless cycle where nothing ever changed and the days were horribly repetitive. Yurikuma Arashi also gave it's (somewhat muddled) critique of Class S. And it's impossible to fully analyze Yuri is my Job without seeing the skillful critique of Class S that's woven into the narrative.

The trappings of class S aren't confined into the world of manga- the idea that lesbianism is just a phase, that girls expressing real romantic or sexual desire toward each other is toxic and sullies the purity of sisterhood, that it's okay to be a LITTLE gay with your gal pals but you can't cross that line!!!- all of that is part of the stigma real queer women struggle with and sometimes internalize.  So when we consider Sumika''s terror of actual "romance" invading the cafe and ruining the sisterhood, her ideas that romance must be toxic, her belief that the cafe is this safe space sealed off from the rest of the world where girls can be a little bit queer, but they musn't let the actual problems and messy realities of romance invade- it's not just a Class S critique, it's about a mindset most queer women are familiar with and have to struggle to unlearn. And seeing Sumika grapple with this makes her a very real and wonderfully realized character. And the manga will only continue to go further with those themes.

But Yuri is my Job doesn't just work as a nuanced examination of queerness- it's also a well told drama full of wonderfully fraught relationships. It's fun to see the growing romances and the sweet connections growing between the characters, as complicated as they are. The backstory reveal that explains the tension between Mitsuki and Hime is top tier drama and relationship writing, and there's also a good dose of comedy to keep viewers entertained. Watching this web of relationships become even more tangled, and discovering the baggage all the girls carry is a good (and sometime heartbreaking) time. They're well-done characters. If you enjoy fucked up girls and don't mind a touch of soapy melodrama, you're in for a treat. These girls are a MESS, but a fascinating one.

I should note that it's also very easy to read these characters as neurodivergent- Hime having to craft a "facade" just to socialize regularly, while Mitsuki very obviously struggles with social cues- well, Vrai wrote a whole article on this with their article What role are you playing? Communication, queerness and nerodivergence in Yuri is My Job, so I'll leave that to them.

Yes, Yuri is My Job has all this amazing nuance...and there's a half an episode where Mitsuki's boobs bounce a bunch. It contains multitudes. The episode does touch on both Hime's obvious fascination with what Mitsuki's packin' and the struggle big chested women face when just wearing normal clothes is seen a "lewd"- but YMMV on how it's resolved. They definitely centered Mitsuki's pain (and Hime's thirst), but also mined it for mild comedic fanservice, and the ending is more "we found a good compromise" than the pure "fuck people for sexualizing you in a normal outfit because you have big boobs, wear whatever you want" message that people might want.

I also saw a lot of people get frustrated with how hard everyone is on Hime in the early episodes when she's new to the job- this pretty much stops after episode 3 and the attitude toward her is fully explained, so please give this four episode watch to fully see if this show is for you. (But of course, if you don't like to see girls sometimes expressing attraction in suppressed, unhealthy ways (eSPECIALLY Kanoko), no matter how it's ultimately examined thematically, this isn't the show for you.)

Overall, the YIMJ anime was a faithful adaptation of a wonderful manga- unfortunately, I worry that we'll never get the season two that gives us some of the best moments of the story so far. But hopefully seeing it will inspire you to check out the manga and see how hard this story can go! It's definitely a special one, and I really recommend it.

[groenendaelfic]

Verbier and Sex Workers

aka the Twinks? Bears? Asians? Latinos? line is not cute (says I)

One thing I love so much about this fandom is that we can all watch the same show on repeat, and still have completely different and equally valid interpretations of canon.

Case in point my recent fic about Erik’s death not being an accident. I never for a single second considered that, and I am still firmly team Erik likes being Crown Prince and is a bit of a fuckboy, but then I saw and eyeopening post here on Tumblr and rewatched the scenes and now I can see where they’re coming from even if I don’t agree? And that is great.

Something similar happened after I posted my most recent chapter of As Long as We Have Each Other (yes it’s back!) featuring jealous!Simon and talks of Verbier, after which quite a few lovely, lovely commenters pointed out that they never considered my interpretation of the Verbier talk before, and so I thought I might share a bit more about it here for those interested.

Anyway, in the show the scene starts with Wille asking Nils about dating advice, to which Nils replies that Wille is overthinking things followed by an invitation to come to Verbier with him where he'll throw some great parties.

So well so good.

Then however comes the (in)famous What are you into? Twinks? Bears? Asians? Latinos? line and a reassurance that they'll be discreet.

That's not Nils asking Wille if he should try and hook him up with one of his twink, bear, Asian or Latino friends so that he can date one of them instead.

That's him telling Wille that no matter what he's into, it can be arranged, without bringing up some hardcore stuff which might scare him away.

Nils doesn't actually think Wille might be into bears, he's just being, hey, you want a twinky Latino? You can get that in Switzerland, but also any other type of guy you might desire and they'll do whatever you want without causing problems or a scandal.

Sure Nils is going to invite other wealthy, closeted friends around his age to hang out and bond with, not unlike a secret club. In fact he very much wants Wille to start hanging with someone that's his league, but they aren't going to hook up with each other, nor would they be looking for a relationship or love, as that would only complicate things, hence Nils going all You're thinking too much. Stop making it difficult. when Wille brings up serious relationships.

something something sexualizing queer relationships something something internalized homophobia

I do think he wants Wille to be as happy as can be and means well, but he also can't see any of them breaking the status quo. His advice is settle down with a suitable girl if you really must, and bang prostitutes abroad who've signed an NDA and know better than to ever blab to satisfy your sexual needs. That's how it's always been done and that's how it'll always be, and anything else will only cause problems.

Also hiring sex workers in Switzerland is very easy and uncomplicated, be it at a brothel, as an escort or for a private party, the only hindrance being cost, but it's not like that's a factor here.

But Wille is sixteen!

Well yeah, but they'd be going to Switzerland, where the age of consent is sixteen. (So in fact was the age of prostitution until about ten years ago, but they thankfully raised that to eighteen, and while there was talk of raising the age for hiring sex workers a few years ago, as far as I know nothing much ever came of it.)

So yeah, Nils wouldn't be doing anything illegal if he invited a sixteen year old to one of his sex parties in Verbier and let him get drunk as long as Wille stuck to beer or wine or something similar because the drinking age is sixteen as well (18 for harder stuff).

I don't blame anyone who wants to see their talk differently, but I don't think I'll ever be able to see it as anything other than sad (for Nils) and horrifying (for Wille being presented this as his only reasonable future).

Especially if you watch Wilhelm's expression there at the end?

Wille knows exactly what Nils is talking about.

He knows there'll be sex workers present if he goes to Verbier with Nils without Nils having to state that explicitly, because in their circles men having their sexual needs seen to by sex workers and mistresses is something that's always been the norm, no matter the nature of said needs, as long as they do so discretely.

Wille doesn't want that, he wants love and he wants Simon, but he also craves physical touch and intimacy, and if sex workers in Verbier are the only option? Well ... it's something he can consider if he wants to.

I'm not saying he would have gone. I'm pretty much undecided when it comes to that, or at least to him going that particular year, who knows about the future had he not gotten back together with Simon, I'm just saying he understood what was on offer and didn't immediately vehemently say no.

(he said I don't think Mom would be very pleased if it got out)

(Source: my grandmother is Swiss and I still have lots of relatives there I visit regularly, including a cousin who worked in a hotel in Davos for well over a decade and who was there for all the drama that ensued when 16yo sex workers were suddenly no longer legal bleurgh, also like, the news etc)

[tommystummy]

I mean I think it makes sense for heartstopper to not have anything explicit going on as one of them only Just realised he liked boys and the other one has an ED, they do talk about it pretty directly in the show so its addressed not totally unrealistically. But as for fan response yeah there was a weird thing amongst… a certain subset of fans of making a joke/meme out of a single throwaway line in the books where they mention having sex, maybe the accessibility draws that type of crowd but I don’t think that’s the fault of the show/comic itself 😅 esp as things get fairly explicit in the comics later as they get older

I have complicated feelings about Heartstopper. I actually like it in theory as Baby’s First Gay Show (I would have rather had it then Queer as Folk when I was 14) and in theory it’s a uncomplicated cozy, warm, fuzzy story about two young boys falling in love. It’s the definition of Toothrotting Fluff

However in practice, it feels alienating to me as a gay man when the only two things gay boys are allowed to be in the show are Pure UwU Tumblr Softboy who Speaks in Therapy-ese and Pure Evil Rapist who is brought back into the show after the point the comic counterpart had been written out just to be a punching bag for the Valiant Bisexual Girl to yell at and out in front of their classmates and then Get Dunked On by his ex when he tries to apologize and then have The Symbolism Doodles symbolically reject him from the LGBT community and then get written out of the story.

Combined with the complete stripping away of any mention of sexuality outside of exactly One Scene where they discuss the gay equivalent of Waiting Until Marriage, it does come off as incredibly puritan even if it’s justified in-story by Charlie’s ED and I do actually attribute that in part to the source material. Alice Oseman is by their own admission, pretty uncomfortable with the idea of sex and it shows in the way Nick and Charlie are written. As Trixie and Katya put it: they seem like they just want to hold hands at the post office. The show to this point has been very very uncomfortable with the idea that these two boys might be attracted to each other in a not-purely-romantic way, and when the only other gay character that did show some level of sexual attraction that maybe wasn’t purely romantic is Ben Fucking Hope, the implication seems to be that there’s a Right and Wrong way to be Gay in the eyes of the story.

It also doesn’t escape my notice that Love, Victor petered away into obscurity but Heartstopper is seen as the pinnacle of Gay Representation to a lot of people. Love, Victor was unafraid of teenage boys of all sexualities being sexual beings and in fact reckons with it in ways that were VERY close to my actual experiences, like everything with Victor and his mom coming to terms with him having a romantic and sexual relationship with his boyfriend. Disney shafted LV a lot but Netflix has this Pure Sanitized Risk-free Romance on the front page every time a new season comes out and that also just stings. There’s the feeling that maybe if LV had been more chaste, more palatable, it would have actually been a major success.

I don’t want to sound too dismissive of what HS is for a lot of people but to me there’s just something that makes me feel like it was never for me and that could be because I’m too old for it, but it sometimes feels like it wasn’t for me because it’s not for gay men at all.

[the-cryptographer]

Getting a fair amount of scepticism from respondants about whether Anders was intentionally trying to hurt and embarrass Fenris in the suicidal ideation banter or making a clumsy but entirely unmalicious attempt to connect. And realising I don't feel *that* strongly about it. At least not regarding this banter specifically.

Anders has, since his very first meeting with Fenris, been not so secretly trying to convert Fenris to his political side and claim mutual solidarity with him as a fellow former slave. Which Fenris is not having for a number of entirely reasonable reasons. Which are not entirely relevant to my point but I'll summarise them here anyhow.

First, it's not in Fenris's material interests to side with Anders and lose the protections he gets by conforming with the mainstream Southern Andrastian narrative (as offered by people like Sebastian and Aveline and Hawke) by which magic and mages are tightly controlled by the state and Fenris is a clear and uncomplicated victim of foreign magical Tevinter wickedness.

Second, Anders is a human who feels at all times entitled to Fenris's attention and emotional support, and thinks nothing of turning aggressive when Fenris denies him. So therefore not someone who is in Fenris's mind altogether different from the other entitled humans he has known. (Except for the fact that Fenris is able to loudly and unrepentantly tell him to fuck off, in a way he won't risk with someone like Sebastian or Hawke or Danarius.)

So, in my mind at least, wanting connection with Fenris is absolutely a reason Anders starts this and most conversations with Fenris. And it does at time blur the lines about how much any particular dialogue is 'unmalicious but awkward' versus 'a direct attempt to hurt and embarrass Fenris'. (Which I am not altogether as judgemental about as I think some people are reading me as. Anders's behaviour is inappropriate, but his need for visceral emotional feedback from people - where positive feedback is prefered to negative feedback is prefered to no feedback at all - is entirely sympathetic to me, especially coming from someone who has been tortured via solitary confinement.)

So this all kind of made me reach for a time where I think Anders's sadism is more directly captured:

Yes, it is important to note that this did start with Fenris needling Anders instead of the other way around. And it is also important to note how much more pointed Anders's response is when Fenris and Hawke are romantically entangled. I'll get back to that latter point further on, but in general I'm not trying to have a discussion about how justified any of these characters are in aggressing one another. What's important here is I do think this banter provides a pretty direct look at the running theme into the argument Anders weaponises to hurt and embarrass Fenris - the direct comparison between Fenris's relationships with his family and Danarius and Hawke - and that this tactic absolutely worked going by how quickly and totally it shut Fenris up.

I think Anders is in a particular position to both notice and assign significance to some of the gaps between Fenris's stories & projected identity, and the Southern Andrastian characterisation of Tevinter slaves as mirthless weaklings, unilaterally battered and victimised by magic, and without an agentive bone in their body. Which is to say I think Anders is all too aware of the fact that social heirarchy between slaves is often very complex and fraught with internal conflict and violence, and that Fenris was far more of an Irving than an Evelina in the way he carried himself in his practical life in Tevinter. Fenris was Danarius's bodyguard and enforcer. He was directly empowered by Danarius to act in that role, not only against Danarius's rival senators and political enemies, but against Danarius's other slaves. And the demands and accolades of this position came with protections Fenris was actively courting from Danarius; Fenris was at lower risk for being maimed, starved, chosen for blood sacrifice, or placed in solitary confinement than many of his peers (although there were other violences he was at higher risk of - ones less relatable to Anders). And Fenris is now seeking many of the same protections from Hawke that Danarius himself used to fulfill.

I think my favourite illustration of this is this banter between Fenris and Sebastian:

Fenris relays a story about witnessing Danarius kill a boy during a party to fuel his blood magic. Fenris carefully omits what *he* was doing while this occurred. But I think anyone asking the question is liable to see he was, at best, standing to the side, pouring wine, and doing nothing as he watched it happen. At worst, he helped Danarius restrain and kill the child himself.

Now it would of course be unconscionably cruel for Sebastian or Hawke to hold what Fenris did under durress, merely to safeguard his own survival, against him. Not in the least because Sebastian has no experience with this type of exploitation, and Hawke's far briefer stint as an indentured labourer, as a mercenary or smuggler, was fraught with the same kind of violences against their peers.

But I think Anders can't help but notice that this wholly unsceptical benefit of the doubt is never quite extended to Circle mages who, like Fenris, have had to resort to violence against those less-favoured than them in order to safeguard their own interests within an abusive and exploitative system of slave labour. (At least not in Southern Thedas. I'm sure that there are plenty of Sebastians in Tevinter pearl clutching about how barbaric and cruel the Southern Circles are without ever quite looking their own human rights violations in the eye.) And I think this becomes the biggest source of his resentment towards Fenris.

Now I've said before one of the things I like about Anders is that he is unequivocating in terms of the fact that slavery is bad, and the circles are bad. He doesn't waste time worrying about the Irvings of the world also benefiting from his goals of emancipation, even if he hates them personally. And I do think this extends to Fenris in many ways and is why Anders can see the benefit and possibility of seeking solidarity with Fenris (even if it doesn't work for the reasons stated above).

But at the same time, this resentment of Fenris and of how Fenris is percieved by Hawke and Aveline and Sebastian (I think Varric is alone insofar as Anders's aquaintences with the Kirkwall-powers-that-be that see Anders as more the victim of Fenris's ill-temper than vice versa, although Varric remains terribly equivocating about Anders's condemnation of the Circle itself) ultimately comes through in a lot of Anders's dialogues with Fenris. All the moreso when he feels Hawke is taking sides with Fenris against him via the romance. But even the less pointed non-romance banters are imho trying to poke holes in Fenris's stories. They're part of a larger attempt to expose Fenris to Hawke and the others as far more violent, and far less innocent victim, than the South's image of the Tevinter slave allows. And to point out that Fenris readily takes advantage of that image to his benefit, even though he knows he does not fit its mould. Which I have a hard time saying isn't an attempt to hurt or embarrass or defame Fenris, when Anders knows he is attacking Fenris's honestly extremely shakey support network and the only protection Fenris has against his old master's bounty hunters. Even if I think what Anders really wants is for Hawke et al. to extend him the same moral support that they more effortlessly show Fenris, rather than strictly to bring Fenris down to his level of insecurity.

[seresinhangmanjake]

Signed Away

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Reader Series

Summary: You find out about the contractual marriage your parents arranged with Jake’s when you were a baby. You’re plently angered by it, but Jake doesn’t seem too bothered. He might even be happy. 

Notes/Warnings: cursing, fluff, eventual smut, angst, contract marriage, loss of rights, feelings of being trapped, poor parent/child relationships. 

This will be a bunch of fairly short chapters/drabbles, but considering there are generous time skips, I felt like it made the most sense. This is also just kind of a tester chapter. Idk that anyone is going to like it. As always, comments can make my bad days worth getting through, so i’ll never not appreciate them. Reblogs and likes make me smile uncontrollably, but no pressure :)

Masterlist

Part 1 - Words: 1340

For too long, it was never spoken aloud. Not by your fathers. Not by your mothers. Not by aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins. And yet it was known. Expected. Silently proposed, accepted, and settled on long before you understood the role requiring your fulfillment upon your twenty-first birthday, long before you knew what a birthday even was. And it was non-negotiable. You would be Jake Seresin’s wife. You just didn’t know it. Because while everyone else had been well aware, they neglected to inform you.

 -----

“You know we’re supposed to be dating, don’t you?”

That was the first thing a freshly graduated, 23-year-old Jake Seresin told you within his first week back on Texas soil. He sipped his beer as he stared out at the nearly one-hundred guests thoroughly filling out the space of his parents’ backyard for his Homecoming party.

You watched the summer heat condensation trail onto his hand from the glass bottle as he took another sip. “Excuse me?”

He smiled and waved at the partiers that did the same for him, some dressed like Sunday church-goers—clearly his parent’s guests—others laying around the pool in bikini’s so small they looked like spring breakers looking for anonymous, uncomplicated sex—his guests for sure. Abs and tits dripped with droplets of chlorinated water, drawing wet lines down their bodies that forced an onlooker’s eye to follow.

Despite it all, Jake kept his attention on you. “Nineteen, right?”

With a pinched brow, you gave him a quick questioning glance.

“I mean I know we haven’t spent a lot of personal time together in the last decade, but I’m pretty sure your birthday is the same,” he said with a devastating smirk that briefly sputtered your heartbeat.

No wonder he knew all of these tight-bodied, made-up women. They probably threw themselves at him constantly if that was the look he was shooting their way. Their glaring at you suddenly made a mountain of sense. Jealousy at its finest, solely from his proximity to another girl.

“You’re nineteen.”

Oh…right. “So?” you replied, failing at casually taking a long drink of the soda in your own bottle. You coughed when a bit of the liquid travelled down the wrong pipe, sparking the snarky chuckles from the near-naked women thirty feet away.

“So,” Jake stretched the syllable, impressively without managing to sound like an immature child. “You’re a grown woman, I’ve finally finished college, it’s only a matter of time before our sides start to ache from our mothers’ nudging elbows.”

Your scowl at his guests dropped once his words sunk it, and you paused, forgetting about anyone else entirely. You let out an unattractive snort that would’ve bloomed a dark shade of pink across your cheeks and chest had not the lunacy of what he was saying overpowered any embarrassment. “You sound like a crazy person,” you said. “No wonder we stopped being friends when we were little.”

“Yea, I’m sure the four-year age difference in school had nothing to do with it.”

What thirteen-year-old wants a nine-year-old little girl following him around? Somehow it was still fresh. You’d cried for what felt like days after he’d yelled that and promptly walked off with his friends, leaving you alone in the park to twiddle your thumbs and try to hold in the tears until you made it back to your bedroom. You didn’t have other friends to turn to. And that hadn’t so much changed as you aged.

“Look, Seresin, I don’t know how drunk you are to have crafted whatever ridiculous thoughts you have in your mind, or maybe you’re fucking with me to give your friends a show, but whatever it is, just so we’re clear, I’m not going to date you.” You gave a sharp nod, your own form of a solid pat on the back for standing up for yourself and preserving your dignity in the face of a man so irritatingly attractive. Had you not known him from the moment of your birth, you might have thrown yourself at his feet and thanked him for the consideration of being his potential partner.

He was entirely unphased and made sure you knew it by the deep chuckle he released. “Pretty sure you don’t have a choice, sweetheart,” he said. “We could wait I guess, but it’s probably best we spend the next two years getting to know one another again, I’d think. I don’t have any intention of marrying someone who has grown to be a stranger.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

-----

“Darling, stop this wild pacing,” you mother said from her seat. “It makes you look unhinged.”

To her credit, it got you to stop, but you stared at her with eyes likely wilder than a raging monkey. “Mom!”

“It’s not that big of a deal. He’s a handsome man. You’ll be fine.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” Your hands flew up in the air before they fell back to your sides, limp as a ragdoll beaten to death by fist after fist. “Why has no one, not a single fucking soul—”

“Language, young lady.”

“—ever fucking told me about this?”

“Y/N, your mouth!”

“Is that really what you care about right now!” you snapped, pointing a finger at her. “You and dad sold me off!”

She sighed, dejected at your outburst, and yet she still managed to look the prim, perfect woman she was, her hands delicately folded in her lap, legs properly crossed at the ankles. “That is not what happened.”

You scoffed. “Oh, no?”

Her head tilted and a manicured eyebrow rose. You’d recognize that gesture anywhere, too often from your childhood. She was waiting for you to get yourself together before she presented you with her speech. So you took a deep breath, allowed your arms to unweave from in front of your chest, and straightened your spine. She’d want more, but it was the best you were willing to give.

“When you were a baby,” she began, “your father and George Seresin merged their companies, as you know, and to ensure they each have a hand in the business after their deaths, they decided a merger of another form would be beneficial as well,” she paused as if that alone explained the madness, but then continued once it became clear you weren’t going to immediately snap at her. “You and Jake, as a couple, will run the company one day and—”

“And you didn’t think to share this with me?”

“Why tell you before it was necessary?”

“Jake knows!”

“That’s a recent development,” your mother said, shifting uncomfortably on the chaise longue. “And only because he inquired as to whether or not you currently have a boyfriend. Amelia felt it a good time to tell him that your relationship status with other men wouldn’t be worth the concern.”

Of course, he would get to know by asking a simple question. Of course, it would fall into his lap. His mother held a respect for him yours for you did not. A wife, for fucks sake. You would be his damn wife. And to the woman who birthed you, that acknowledgement couldn’t possibly be shown more casually. “Unbelievable,” you muttered.

“He’s very handsome.”

“As if that’s all that matters.”

She stood on her three-inch satin heels that clicked against the hardwood when she made her way over to you. A coco-butter-moisturized hand cupped your cheek. The other brushed the unruly hair from your face. “You could do much worse, darling, and I’m not sure much better. He could have waited to mention it, but he clearly wants to fall in love the old-fashioned way, and he’s willing to give you almost two whole years to fall with him.”

Smacking her hands away from your face, you took a step out of the cloud of Chanel perfume, and granted her a look that, directed at you, would’ve had you shrinking in your spot, but your mother stood firm.

“That’s not going to happen,” you said. 

And you would make sure of it. 

tags: @marvel-ousnesss @thespeeder @nobody7102 @marrianena @fangirlingoverfangirls @blue-aconite @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @dempy @chaoticassidy @alana4610 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @dracosluvbot @smoothdogsgirl @smit41​

[royalsweetteaa]

Title: Make it hot

Pairing: dom!Johnny Storm x sub!reader

18+ ONLY | MINORS DNI

WARNING - The following fic contains: Explicit smut, porn/no plot, dom/sub dynamic, degradation, objectification (reader is into it), BDSM themes, use of demeaning petnames (whore, slut, fucktoy), protected sex, P in V sex, cum eating, light choking, light slapping, spit swallowing, manhandling.

Summary: Johnny uses you the way you want to be used.

2nd person POV

You and Johnny had the most uncomplicated relationship, and while it had mostly to do with your similar interests and preferences, it was also because of Johnny’s trustworthiness along with his openness to experiment in the bedroom.

Tonight, as you’re staying at the F4 summer vacation house while everyone else is asleep, you want to try something different with your boyfriend and fiery superhero, and he is all ears like always.

You have had this fantasy for a very long time of having him dominate and use you while he speaks degradingly. As you had suggested it, you could see a glint of surprise and excitement in him, but he wanted to be sure you were 100% okay with it before going through with anything.

One last confirming ‘yes’ from you as you both sit naked on the bed is all it takes before Johnny has you lying against his body with his mouth nibbling behind your ear as his hand sneaks down to touch your pussy, and all you have to do is stay still and pretty while welcoming each and every move he performs.

He hums with eagerness as he slips his finger inside with little gentleness, “You’re so wet, baby. It turns you on to be owned by someone who knows how to use this body properly, am I right?”

You nod with a moan in response, and he proceeds to remove it after a few thrusts and reaches up to suck your juices off his finger, groaning lewdly as he takes in the taste. “Perfect cunt making such tasty juices…fuck, I can’t wait to seep into this…” he says huskily as he slaps your puffy pussy lips.

You shudder out a quiet ‘please…’ and Johnny chuckles as he knows what you’re pleading for.

“You want to be fucked right away, huh? Don’t even wanna be prepped? Doubt you’ll need it anyway considering how much I fuck you on a daily basis..”

He puts his hand around your throat and squeezes lightly as he continues speaking filth, “That’s what makes you such an amazing whore…all mine to use whenever I want. Whenever I feel horny, you’ll come running and please this dick like you were made for it.”

He has you thrown beneath him before you can even process it, with a condom already slid on and his length lined up ready into your glistening hole.

As you prepare for his intrusion, Johnny snaps his fingers in front of your face which gets your attention, “Hey…open your mouth, babe.”

You do as he says, and while he’s pulling a smug face, he spits right into your mouth, ordering the following immediately “swallow it.”

Satisfaction spreads on his features when he sees your throat bobbing with a closed mouth, and as he continues sinking his cock inside of you, he grunts and keeps going with his words, “You wanna be used like an object, huh? A toy? A plaything?”

“Fuck! Yes, Johnny!” You mewl as you begin to stroke your clit with need. “I’m just a toy to be used for your pleasure..”

“That’s what I thought…” he keeps drilling his way inside of you until he hits bottom, “Nothing more than a piece of meat- hmm…a fucktoy for my dick…” he whispers the last bit into your ear as he licks a stripe on your neck. You whine at his degrading words and throw your arms around his back, clawing against his skin, making him hiss.

As he begins to move with a steady rhythm, he comes with another request, “Tell me how much you need this…tell me right now.”

“Johnny, I-I…ahh” you stutter as you try to be out your daze to speak. “Please, I need this so bad…I need you to fuck me hard. Please…”

“Oh yes, my little slut…” Johnny purrs as he starts hammering into you, making you become a crying mess. “You’re such a dirty little thing, aren’t you? Such a filthy little whore who needs me to fill her up with my big dick all the time.”

He hoists your hips a bit higher up and penetrates you with rough, holding around your waist as he starts using you in a quite literal sense.

“Love having you as my personal fleshlight. That’s what you are…a fuckin’ cock-sleeve for my dick…”

You can only nod at his claims as you feel your head going numb from thoughts, your moans and whimpers becoming your means of communication.

Johnny knows this, and despite how much of an ego booster he gains from that fact, he doesn’t let you off the hook that easily. “Use your words, baby. Tell me what you are.”

With gathered effort, you manage to babble out, “Nghh, I’m your personal fleshlight, Johnny! I’m nothing more than your needy slut!” as you feel yourself clenching around Johnny’s cock at your confession.

He grunts with satisfaction as he fucks his hardest into you, until he finds himself squeezing his eyes shut in moments before ejaculation.

“Ooooh, fucking shit! C-Cumming!” He announces as he snaps his hips against yours roughly one last time, making you throw your head back as you start to shake from your own orgasm. “Aaaah, take my fucking cum, you dirty slut.” He growls before he spills his load into the condom, steam leaving his body as you feel something warming your insides.

Johnny breathes hotly against your face before he pulls out, revealing a condom full of cum slagging at the tip of his cock. He chuckles wickedly and slides off the condom filled up with his jizz and holds the other end as it threatens to leak out. He then rises up and reaches it over your face and grins mischievously as he speaks, “go on…be a good dirty slut and drink it all up…”

You happily oblige as you open your mouth wide open while Johnny squeezes every drop out of the condom into your mouth, watching with fiery eyes as you swallow his stickiness. “What a hot sight…you love being my personal cumdumpster, don’t you? Never have to waste any of it because you welcome it inside all of your holes…” he bites his lip as you respond with an eager nod.

As the last drop escapes into your mouth, you swallow it down your throat and open your mouth once again to reveal it’s all gone. He snickers and pats your chin a little hard as he tosses the condom away, “Yeah, I bet that tasted good for a whore like yourself. Fuckin’ love everything I give you…”

You smile and feel your cheeks heat up as Johnny takes a moment to just look at you, and you witness as his given dominant role fades with how he looks adoringly at you.

He takes you by surprise when he eagerly leans into your face and kisses you passionately before he lies beside you, his blue orbs never leaving your face while you catch your breath.

“So…how did I do, firefly?” He asks with his arm supporting his head as he looks down at you lovingly.

You giggle lightly as you respond, “You were perfect…” and you let out a sigh as you cool down from the intense fucking. “It was exactly how I wanted it to play out.”

“Yeah?” Johnny makes a toothy grin as pride settles in him. “That’s good, baby. The Human Torch always strives to deliver...”

“Oh, you delivered alright.” You respond smugly, and he cracks a wide smile before he wraps his arms around your body and tickles you, making you burst out laughing. You plead him to stop as you feel your eyes getting glossy from all the laughing, and he lays off continuing but remains close to you.

”For the record, I enjoyed this too. Like a lot. Who knew my girl was as filthy as I can be?”

You giggle and let him rest his head on your bare breasts as you give him a nice head scratch, making him groan with satisfaction as you try to come with the best response to what he had said.

You sigh contentedly and shrug, “I guess that’s what makes us perfect for each other.”

Johnny smiles against your skin and rubs your hip with care as he agrees, “Yeah…I think you’re right about that.”

Hearts & Reblogs are very appreciated! Thank you! <3

[aihoshiino]

different anon! but i 100% upvote other anon's comment of you being the professor of hoshino-aiology 😎👍 your posts about her give me a newfound appreciation for her and imo you should be the one writing 15 year lie frfr 🤧👏✨️

and if you haven't written anything abt it, could you share your thoughts abt the spica ai chapter? i liked ai and saitou in it but i was shocked at how intense the b-komachi bullying was :0 poor ai 😢

THANK YOU ANON…….. god can you imagine what this manga would be like if i had been given that kind of creative control. you're going to read my 15 volume hoshino ai backstory flashback and you're going to love every single chapter of it!!!

When it comes to Spica, I have pretty mixed feelings on that first chapter. For transparency's sake, I broadly dislike the novel overall and I think it takes away from the relationships it depicts more than it adds. Like I mentioned in a previous ask, my issue with Spica (and its depiction of OnK's world and characters) is its tendency to flatten and simplify many of the interesting interpersonal wrinkles that characterize these central dynamics in the main story. This is much more evident in the GRSR chapters (as outlined in that post) but you can absolutely see it in Ai's chapter as well.

POST-WRITING CLAIRE EDIT: So while this post initially started as me broadly skimming some of the issues I had with chapter 1, it has ballooned into a much, MUCH longer essay about what it is about Spica that I disliked and why, broadly, I think it fails to work both as a standalone piece and as an addition to OnK as a canon. I'm pretty negative about the book in this post and very critical of the writing so if you really liked Spica and it would bum you out to see me take it apart, feel free to skip this post.

On the surface, Ai and Saitou's dynamic is pretty true to the main story and I will admit that I do enjoy their rapport in this chapter and just that we got a chapter focusing on this relationship full stop. Ai and Saitou's relationship is one I've always been particularly soft for and getting a whole chapter that was basically just exploring its early days was really nice. But it's also a very rose tinted view of that relationship in a way I think does it a bit of a disservice. I discussed this in my OnK anime rewatch but Spica's take on Saitou (and thus on his relationship with Ai) frames him as a wholly positive and supportive figure whose desires for money and success in the entertainment industry are explicitly, textually said to be secondary and unimportant to his uncomplicated kind desire to support them as they succeed. There's almost this sense of "wow, isn't it so noble and cool that saitou is kindly allowing these tweenage girls to work themselves ragged making money for his company!!!" that's a bit icky to read.

This is in line with the bizarre ways Spica portrays idol culture, in particular the 'oshi'/fan dynamic. This is another thing I've discussed before, so I'll borrow my previous words on the topic:

The Japanese text of [chapter 137] takes this dehumanization a step further: Rather than the wasei-eigo term アイドル (aidoru), when calling [Ai] an idol, Gotanda uses the word 偶像 (guzou) - an idol by its original definition. It goes beyond just reducing her to an animal - it’s objectification in the very literal sense. Ai is an idol, a ceremonial object of worship, an inanimate vessel for the dirty desires of the people around her. [...] Spica [...] depicts the moment that Ai starts down this road, committing herself to being an idol who will love and support everyone, even people who hate and scorn her. This is framed by the novel as being something of a breakthrough for her and being liberating for it but I came out of it feeling deeply unsettled in a way I don’t think the novel wanted me to be. [...] Spica depicts the moment that Ai goes from アイドル to 偶像 without seeming to realise that’s what it’s doing and thus does so in a way that is not just uncritical but wholly celebratory. In a lot of ways, this makes sense - Spica, broadly speaking, is about the “oshi” part of Oshi no Ko: the emotional fulfillment of not just receiving support but in the act of giving support yourself, in cheering someone on and seeing them succeed. Spica depicts these sorts of relationships in a straightforwardly and uncritically positive light, even in cases of parasocial relationships between fans and celebrities.

There was a lot on that topic that I left out just because that chapter review was already getting so fucking long and unhinged but Spica's entirely uncritical and celebratory view of idol culture in general always leaves me feeling deeply uncomfortable every time I engage with the text. There's a degree to which this can be excused, because Spica takes place in the POV of characters who have drunk the industry kool-aid and thus would not necessarily interpret some of this stuff with the same critical lens as a reader. A charitable interpretation of the material is that, like Viewpoint B and 45510, the story is choosing to refrain from commenting on these troubling elements for the purposes of allowing the reader to have their own take on it.

This would be nice… except it's just not how Spica handles emotional beats at all!

When talking about Spica in the past I have jokingly referred to it as being written like 'the emotional equivalent of the Superdictionary' and by that I mean that it has absolutely no restraint or subtlety when it wants you to Feel Something. When Spica has an emotional beat, it hammers it in until any organically resulting resonance with the material has been reduced to a fine paste. When it has Thoughts and Opinions about a topic, it will explain them to the reader in excruciating detail so there is no risk of the reader taking away anything that wasn't intended by the author.

My point is that there is every indication that Spica's straightforwardly celebratory portrayal of idol culture and the way fans respond to idols is something intended to be taken at face value with no further interrogation. Spica is, by and large, entirely uninterested in acknowledging the ugly underbelly of exploitation, dehumanization and misogyny that drives idol culture and idol fandom.

I think the best way to illustrate this is to look at the scene near the end of the chapter where Ai finally sits and reads her fan letters. The first two are genuinely warm and sweet but the third always jumps out at me in a way I don't think was intended by the author;

“Hello, Ai-chan. I'm a devoted listener to your streams. B-Komachi's songs and talk shows have honestly become my sanctuary. I'm currently stuck working to the bone at a terrible company. They hardly pay me anything, and every day I just want to die. But what keeps me going is knowing I have your streams to look forward to every week. I’m not even kidding. Ai-chan, you're my reason to live!"

The story does not for a second pause to linger on this letter but I want you to stop and really take it in. While we know nothing about this letter's author outside of what's written here, but given that they have a job they can be presumed to be an adult. In addition, the final line of the letter in Japanese is 『アイちゃんは俺の生きる希望！』, using the masculine first person pronoun 俺 (ore), implicitly gendering the writer as a man.

An adult man writes to Ai to traumadump on her uninvited about his suicidal ideation and telling her in no uncertain terms that she is the sole, singular reason he is alive. Ai is a twelve year old girl.

Spica frames this as an entirely good, wholesome and affirming moment for her. It's one of many similar moments where Spica's celebration of idol culture clashes so strongly with the main story's that trying to make them tonally cohere is almost impossible. In fact, mild tangent, but I was working with the Spica TL team on chapter 1 right around the time chapter 137 dropped, and reading the ending of this chapter back to back with 137's tearing down of Ai's exploitation at the hands of the idol industry was some real injury-worse-than-whiplash inducing shit.

To be clear, I don't need Oshi no Ko to have a huge UM ACKSHULLY THIS IS WHY THIS IS BAD!!!! digression every time characters have positive interactions with the concept of idols. It is fundamentally dishonest and lacking in nuance to portray idolhood as something entirely and unrelentingly negative or to act like idols hate every single second they spend as idols. Sarina and Gorou's POV chapters do a very good job of highlighting what I talked about earlier - Spica's ruminations on the 'oshi' part of Oshi no Ko and how a relationship of support can be emotionally fulfilling both for the person being supported and the person unreservedly providing it. But that's purely from a fan perspective and I think it would be really interesting to Spica to take the opportunity afforded to it by being in Ai's POV to properly interrogate what Ai enjoys about being an idol.

But the way it chooses to do so just feels atonal both with Ai's arc and relationship to idolhood as portrayed in the main story and ways the manga has talked about 'oshi' culture in chapters published before and after Spica's release. It clashes with Oshi no Ko in ways I find difficult to satisfyingly reconcile.

This sense of clashing with and contradicting Oshi no Ko is an issue Spica has more broadly, in big and small ways. Some of this is just small, incidental details but other issues are larger and added all together, it results in a sense that Spica was not written by a person fully keyed into Oshi no Ko's world and characters. Like, just off the top of my head, here's some things that stuck out to me just from chapter 1:

Ai notes that she was separated from her mother a long time prior to the story's timeframe but given the ages give for her in 131 and here in Spica, it cannot be more than three years max since she was removed from Ayumi's care.

B-Komachi's formation and Ai's joining the group are both said to have happened 'three months ago' as of chapter 1's timeframe and thus to have happened more or less at the same time. This contradicts the Akasaka written material that consistently frames Ai as being one of the senior members, yes, but as having joined the group after Nino, Takamine and Watanabe.

The portrayal of Ai's bullying by the other B-Komachi members in no way matches Nino's account of it in 45510. This isn't even in a way you can put to Nino being an unreliable narrator. The details are so different that the only way to reconcile them is to assume these are two separate instances of bullying and that Nino just. Didn't mention the first time it happened for no reason.

On the subject of the bullies, the two girls targeting Ai are implied by their physical descriptions to be Takamine and Mei. While we don't really know anything about Mei yet, the vicious and unapologetic hostility Takamine displays clashes with her 'tough love' roughness that we are shown in the main story. In addition, this contradicts 45510's very explicit statement that Ai's bully was IMMEDIATELY fired from B-Komachi, no questions asked, the instant Saitou knew who she was. There is no indication in Spica that Ai's bullies so much as get a slap on the wrist for their behaviour.

Spica attributes B-Komachi's current success almost entirely to Ai and portrays her as working very hard on set and communicating with every other member of staff almost excessively to the point of annoyance. Not only does this contradict the early manga's portrayal of Ai as being antisocial and uncommunicative on set prior to her being sent to Lala Lie, it also contradicts chapters that were released following Spica that explicitly credit Nino as the key figure for B-Komachi's initial boom of success and states that Ai joined the group after Nino had cemented their popularity.

There are absolutely ways that you can handwave these contradictions and sew up the internal logic but to me, the nature of these contradictions matter to me less than the fact that they exist in the first place. This implies, especially given that some of these are in material written by Akasaka after Spica was published that he and Tanaka were, to some degree, not on the same page about the book's material.

There's some other things scattered about that aren't necessarily direct textual contradictions but nevertheless feel really out of step with OnK's takes on these characters. And like… I have tried to be relatively measured and good faith in my critiques so far but there is a part of chapter one that makes me so just bees buzzing around in my brain flames on the side of my face blood boiling in my veins insane that you must allow me to just uncharitably tear into it.

[Ai:] “Ah, now I get it. Are you buying a gift for your girlfriend, President? You like them young, after all…“ Finally, it clicked. The president, being considerably older than his girlfriend, needed the insights of a girl closer to her age in order to pick out the perfect gift. If that was the case, that explained why Ai had been roped into this. [Ai:] “Well, not that I should be getting into your business or anything, but…President, be careful when you mess with underage girls, okay? Nowadays, you’ll seriously end up in jail.”

I'M SORRY. WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING RIGHT NOW. SHE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This moment actually makes me so angry that it is difficult for me to clearly and calmly articulate what I find objectionable about it. I understand that it sounds very dramatic, but this is the first in a very consistent line of Spica bringing up the idea of adult men engaging in romance and/or sex with underage girls with this blithe, jokey and dismissive tone that entirely undermines everything Oshi no Ko itself says about CSA. The fact that it starts off this trend by putting these words in the mouth of Ai, WHO IS HERSELF A FUCKING CSA VICTIM, and treats the entire exchange as a throwaway joke honestly makes me feel a little bit sick.

This is part of a much broader and more troubling trend in Spica of Hajime Tanaka simply not being able to write young women in a naturalistic and human way. It's difficult for me to express exactly what it is that feels so off other than to say that it's Covered In The Fucking Ooze in a way typical of Men Who Can't Write Women. Ai's bullies in chapter 1 are so cartoonishly and stereotypically catty and mean that they barely feel human and they are written with all the distinct individuality as Thing 1 and Thing 2. The more complicated, two-sided conflict between two flawed people as seen in Ai and Nino's relationship is totally absent here. It's just the most vapid, stereotypical depiction of Teenage Girl Bullying you can imagine.

On top of that, there is a consistency with which Tanaka puts the topic of sex into the mouths and minds of these young women that fees… icky and offputting to me in a way I find difficult to articulate. In general, the voices of these young girls feel off and inauthentic in a way the main series never struggles with. For all I've criticized Oshi no Ko for in the past, something I think Akasaka is consistently and surprisingly good at is writing female characters who feel just as distinctly well realized and fleshed out as his male characters and that he does so in a way that does not rely on completely degendering them - their experiences as women are important to and inform that their characterization but does not entirely rule it. Despite overwhelmingly centering girls as the heart of its narrative, Spica barely feels capable of writing them as people.

All this together gives Spica this really strong sense - to me - of not really fitting in with the spirit of Oshi no Ko as a story. It's not just that the narrative voice is different but that there is an underlying flavour to Spica's takes on this world and its characters that clashes with the original. The cast as a whole just feels off, not blatantly OOC in a way you can directly point to but just enough to feel uncanny and give me a THEY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!!!!! moment for almost every single person with a speaking line. It feels, as I put it on the Oshi no Brainrot server, like a thing that exists not because there was a part of the OnK narrative that worked best as a light novel but because somebody, somewhere thought a Oshi no Ko light novel would make some money and decided to have one churned out.

oh my god anon I'm so sorry lmfao you did not ask for this GIGANTIC ODYSSEY OF A POST!! This was just one of those asks that tapped into a topic I had already been having extensive conversations with myself about in my brain (I have a very boring job with a lot of time spent alone lol) and the more I typed, the more of those thoughts spilled out. I think a big part of why I am so compelled (derogatory) by Spica's missteps and mishandling of its material is that there is so much potential here and so many points where the material really comes close to just being flat out good.

A moment in chapter 1 that I think about a lot is Ai thinking about why she hasn't been reading any of her fan letters - because the last letter she got was her mom's lawyer telling her that Ayumi had gone missing after her release from custody, thus confirming for Ai that she had been abandoned to the system by her. Because of her association between those emotions and the act of reading a letter, she simply can't bring herself to open any of her fan letters because of the lingering anxiety.

Not only is this an entirely human and believable traumabrained anxiety kid fear for her to have but it's totally in line with Ai's flaw of avoidance and unwillingness to engage with or confront things that make her anxious or uncomfortable. It's also paid off wonderfully and in spades when she does finally confront that fear and is rewarded for it by an avalanche of love and support from her fans. It's one of the few moments in Ai's chapter where I think Spica really does well in conveying what a person like Ai gets out of being the 'oshi' in the oshi/fan relationship.

But this otherwise great moment is ruined by like… all that shit I said up there lmao. Spica is just laced through with this issue where moments that come so, so close to working and being really good are just marred by other issues in the text around it or trip themselves up in other ways. It's frustrating both because it comes so close to doing fresh and interesting things with the characters and because… I didn't want to dislike Spica! I was so, SO excited for it to come out and so willing to give it the BOTD even as summaries leaked and I was put off by the plot beats. But the more time I give to it in my brain and the more I try to engage with it in good faith, the more I come away frustrated and feeling like my time has been wasted.

[ihni]

Fic that I finished reading today and liked a LOT so I'm gonna rec it:

Sideways, by @robthegoodfellow

Can't believe it's taken me this long to read (or, okay yeah I CAN believe it, my to-read list and subscriptions list is insanely long, but we're not talking about that right now), but now that I finally HAVE, I'm gonna rec it because I LOVED it.

Plot (simplified): Billy is angry (shocker) and hates Hawkins and people in general, but cares a little more than he'd like to admit and gets pulled into the demodog shenanigans at the junk yard. And from there, there's developing relationships ABOUND, with Max, and Steve, and other people too and it is a joy to read.

My favorite things about it: How uncomplicated some things are, when they don't have to be complicated (Billy falls hard and he falls fast, but it's not overly complicated and it works so well for them). And the language itself; the way this fic is written is like chocolate with crunch, you know? Like, I love all chocolate. Won't say no to any kind. But then there's some chocolate that is just Very Good Quality chocolate, you know? The expensive, smooth kind. And THEN there's the expensive, smooth kind of chocolate with tiny pieces of CRUNCH in it, that just elevates it from awesome to FUCKING FANTASTIC. What I'm saying is that there are some lines and sentences in this fic that are like tiny pieces of crunch; so goddamn GOOD and GENIUS that they sparks intense flashes of joy in my head when I read them. Hence, this fic is the crunchy kind of good-quality chocolate.

My favorite chapter: 4. Chapter 4 my beloved.

My favorite side character: Aunty Slick. You'll understand when you read her. (Also there was a bonus scene with her in the same series, which kinda is the reason why she snuck into first place)

What now? If you havent read it, I recommend you do. For me, I'm definitely putting the the sequel on my to-read list now (because yes there's a sequel! Wohoo!).

[mybeingthere]

Early works by Scottish artist Norman Gilbert.

Artist Norman Gilbert was born to Scottish parents in Trinidad in 1926. He decided to pursue a career in painting and it quickly became his life’s work. Norman attended the Glasgow School of Art, where he laid the foundation for his painting style: one that evolved and developed until his passing at the age of ninety-three in 2019.

His son Mark is writing about his father:

"Dad was many things, husband to our late mother Pat, father to myself, Paul, Bruno and Danny and grandfather to Katy and Murphy. He was also, in his time, a sailor, a pig man, a scenery painter and an art teacher.

Over time, these roles informed and fuelled what he was most of all, an artist, a dedicated, passionate and wonderful artist. Dad chose to paint, correctly assuming it would be a vocation that would sustain him for life. The world he recorded was intimate: his family, friends and their surroundings, in the settings of our homes in the south side of Glasgow and on holidays in the Highlands or France. From these sources, he created a joyful world of colour and beauty - one writer many years ago commented: ‘It’s always carnival at the Gilberts’, a line often quoted ironically at Dad by our mum. However, his devotion to his family is mirrored in his work – each and every painting and drawing was an act of love and compassion for the people he painted and the world he experienced. As such, Dad’s pictures are a tender and affectionate testament to his life and the relationships that nourished him.

The development of the pictures over the years parallels the changes and events in his life. His early paintings seem to resonate with the grey, muted tones of post war Britain. These panels are unembellished, depicting domestic settings that I often felt chimed with the sensibilities of playwrights like John Osborne and the other “angry young men” who focused on the personal and intimate aspects of working class Britain in the 1950s. The smaller, uncomplicated pictures gently evolved, over time, into larger vivid compositions, their colours, clashing and melding within linear, patterned and decorative structures. These later pictures seem very un-Scottish in style and potentially echo his roots in Trinidad, where he was born in 1926, to Scottish parents. Permeating his whole oeuvre is his unique vision resulting from years of dogged dedication and commitment to his craft and practice.

His subjects are often highly coloured figures, woven into equally vivid patterned spaces. Although the people are easy to perceive and are the focus of attention, they are rendered with the same weight of line, colour and flat texture as the setting in which they are depicted. This rigorous evenness of treatment can be disquieting for those in search of greater physical or emotional form to their figurative paintings. Nonetheless, it makes for complex, yet coherent, compositions where every element is, as Dad described it, at peace with the rest of the picture. The paintings are generous, open hearted and full of optimism. He began each picture believing it could be his best, yet characteristically, he recognized he could do little to control how people would respond to his work.

I often reflect how we as a family took the pictures and the act of sitting for him for granted. My brothers and I grew up in houses where there was always a studio in which Dad would spend most of his time, quietly working. We all sat for him as he drew us. Sometimes he’d dress us in his own checked trousers and striped rugby tops. More often than not we’d be pictured together or with Mum, friends and girlfriends. Being drawn was a constant part of our lives. We all spent innumerable hours sitting for him in the silence of his studio, the quiet punctuated by the squeak of his charcoal being dragged across the paper, creating the clean deliberate lines of his studies. As a child, the moment he announced he’d finished his drawing, I’d turn and dash from the studio before he could change his mind. Later, when I started attending Glasgow School of Art myself, I’d sit with Dad after he’d finished and we would discuss the drawings he’d just made and the composition that was gradually being constructed on the easel.

I also painted him. Portraits of both Mum and Dad featured in my degree show at GSA in 1991. After I graduated, I continued working in a studio in Glasgow. For the following nine years, it was not uncommon for Dad to sit for me in my studio in the morning and for me to sit for him in his in the afternoon. As we worked, we talked about our pictures and contrasting methods. He would puzzle over my liberal ‘turgid’ use of paint and the squalor of my studio, his being a pristine space he swept every day. In later years, when I moved to the US and then Canada, we would talk about our work during the multiple Skype conversations we would have each and every day. Sitting at our computers, we would view each other’s work through the screen and discuss what was working and what wasn’t. And we’d talk about my late mum, exchanging anecdotes that were poignant but often filled with humour and laughter. Paradoxically, these conversations were often triggered by discussions of the extraordinary drawings he made of her as he kept vigil during the last week of her life, which transformed his own deeply private experience into shared depictions of love, caregiving, end of life and bereavement. They taught me more than anything else about the healing power of art. He cherished these drawings and the memories they generated about Mum, who had done so much to support him over the years. Reflecting on the images, he poignantly stated: “At one point I did say, there’s no point in doing them because I can’t show her them. I can’t ask her what she thought of them.” I also know this feeling, for I too have lost my favourite most trusted audience and affectionate critic.

Mum died in 2016. The trio of paintings he created - Chair, Chair II and Chair III - stand comparison with anything he ever did, but are instilled with a unique pathos and poignancy. They echo the compositions he did of her in the years before she died, but now her Parker Knoll chair is empty, draped in the same patterned blanket that first appeared in his pictures in the 60s. These works, along with the drawings, were recently published in a book, Pat: End of Life Drawings by Norman Gilbert.

The media coverage these drawings of Mum received and the popularity of the BBC Loop film made about his life and work (which has been viewed seven million times online, not a few times by Dad himself) brought him letters and messages from admirers around the world. It also coincided with two near-sellout exhibitions at the Tatha Gallery, in Newport-on-Tay on the east coast of Scotland.

The success was hugely gratifying if slightly bemusing; clearly, though, he loved the response his work was now receiving and he was gratified to see the response to his earlier work much of which he had barely looked at himself in recent years. Now he was given ample reason to reappraise it, musing happily: “I seem to have a lot more good pictures than I thought I had”. Meanwhile, the artist who sought to make every picture better than his last was succeeding in spades; his work through his eighties and nineties and, perhaps particularly, after Mum’s death, becoming ever more intricate, cohesive and “at peace”.

Dad’s legacy lives in the body of work he leaves, paintings that testify to the importance of relationships and love as witnessed through his unique passion, vision and spirit. That legacy will live on beyond us all. What a life. What a gift."

[jkpng]

could u pls explain what drew you to koobi. like they are lowkey underrated and i adore them and i wanna hear you yap about them

omg ur about to regret asking. i love koobi so much wtf i have a bunch of word vomit bc im very bad at articulating my thoughts

okok first of all jungkook and hobi are both biases individually so whenever they’re in the same frame all my neurons set on fire. anyways ik jungkook has the golden maknae title (deserved) but i feel like its not widely recognized As Much the way hobi is also a golden ace like they’re both sooooo good at everything. and thats jungkooks Thing™️ but like. hoseok is SO fucking good at dancing and so good at rapping and so good at songwriting/producing and ALSO so good at singing and he (also jin) is such a morale booster and icebreaker and i feel like he warms up every room hes in. but also he takes his craft so seriously and his dance teacher side is so intense and respectable. and like ofc they’re all insanely talented and passionate but i feel like jungkook and hobi are kinda two sides of the same coin and idk im ENDEARED………and also their solo music i just . love nearly everything they put out like theyre batting 99.9% for me. (and their harmonizing drives me crazy) also i feel like i have weirdly a lot in common with jungkook and i wanna be him soooo bad while hobi is everything i am not but adore in other people 😭

+ tiktoks im submitting to the court as evidence (bc i cant add more than 1 vid to a post 🤬) cried. making the little one laugh. CRIED. CRIEDDDDD

BUT ANYWAYS the koobi of it all…………..i feel like out of all the dynamics in bts i understand why they’re underrated cuz like. for example namgi or vmin u could write fucking essays abt those pairs and the depth of their relationships. but for koobi i feel like its a lot quieter like idk if theres as much to Say abt their relationship but their closeness shows if ur paying attention yk. idk theres just this softness and warmth between them that rlly gets to me like everyone babies jk but i feel like hobi babies him in a really particular way where im like. wtf thats HIS BABY. but also his baby is gonna kill all the bugs for him. like idk the sheer number of clips where jungkook is hanging off hobi and cuddling him (and sniffing him 😭) is so touching to meeeee………like it just. gives the impression that hobi is such a safe space for him and it makes me wanna cry and throw up. and also how hobi said the maknae line follows him around. like little ducklings. like what the fuck they love and admire him so much and i love seeing hobi be adored like he DESERVESSSS

also 1) in bv4 when hobi is filming jungkook on the swing. 2) in soop1 when jungkook is playing lost stars on the guitar for hobi. 3) jungkook crying when hobi was going to leave. 4) jungkook scheduling around being able to send hobi off. cries so hard i start gagging like wtf. idk i just feel like theres so much love and admiration between them. and obv i dont Actually know but their dynamic just seems uncomplicated and safe like every time theyre around each other it just radiates WARMTH u know. idk. walking into the pacific ocean rn

anyways koobi compilation

[cryptidanathema]

if not already asked, leon for the character ask :) basic but opinions vary!

(Also asked by @shinekittenace)

Why I like them: I fully expected this guy with his John Cena-esque go getter attitude and aggressively marketable ace to annoy the shit out of me, but the truth is is that hating Leon is like hating a puppy. You just can't. He's just a nice fuckin dude that wants to keep everyone safe even though he's just one man. There's also the fact that he's essentially a grown up ex-protagonist which the game delves into a little with his complicated emotions surrounding losing the title he's had since he was eleven by the end of the game and the fandom's done some FASCINATING psychological deep dives with. 

Why I don’t: I feel like GameFreak failed a bit with show don't tell with him. Some of the ways GameFreak try to make him seem really intelligent and capable are...a little on the nose to say the least. Like for instance him estimating how much Hop has grown during his introduction scene COULD be taken as a hint they don't get to see each other often but nah I really do suspect they wanted the kiddies to be like WOW THIS GUY IS SO SMART HE CAN DO MATH lol. I do kiiiind of suspect the fandom put more effort into analyzing the guy and the kind of havoc being a massive celebrity since the age of 11 can wreak on your personal life than GameFreak ever did but that's very much not a bad thing IMHO. I'm not one of those IF IT'S NOT STRICT CONFIRMED CANON IT'S OF THE DEVIL people (and honestly rather detest them) 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I...don't think the Anime showcased the better sides of his personality well (he loses the protective streak and just kind of comes off like a self-absorbed manchild that everyone loves because he can defy basic Pokemon battle logic in the same way Ash can. He's a protagonist But Annoying This Time) so I'm not terribly interested in seeing more. 

Favorite season/movie: See above. 

Favorite line: Tbh I don't have one particular standout one immediately coming to mind and I'm feeling too lazy to go through his quotes page rn. His catchphrase IS fun to meme about I will say. 

Favorite outfit: He absolutely kills everything that's not the Sponsorship Cape tbh. The guy has GOOD fashion sense despite the memes, corporate was just holding him back. 

OTP: Raihan/Piers/Leon for reasons I already went into in the Raihan response lol (the vibes between him and Rai are interesting and pretty damn hard to deny but Piers is holding up 90% of my mental health on his bony little shoulders rn and also I wanna see him and Leon interact more) I'd also love he and Sonia to work thier shit out, they are cute as FUCK together in Pokespe 

Brotp: The platonic Raileon enjoyer strikes again. Id also certainly take he and Piers being bros too. Also he and Nemona would be absolutely insufferable together and I'd love to see it someday lol 

Head Canon: One thing that was inspired the anime and a certain infamous wall punching scene is that through no real fault of his own he and Raihan's relationship was actually dangerously close to fraying for a bit. He WANTS to be a good and supportive friend to his favorite person but he's gotten fame and empty adoration pretty much handed to him for long enough that he can't REALLY understand what's going on in Raihan's head, the immense pressure he's putting himself under and the frankly unhealthy behaviors he's starting to develop. It's gonna take the pressure of the championship being gone for Leon to stop being the impossible standard Raihan's harming himself with and start being an uncomplicated source of companionship again. On a brighter note he's a good enough guy that once he becomes Chairman he's gonna prove he deserves that position by taking steps to reverse Rose's power consolidation to make sure no one person can cause that much trouble for the nation of Galar again. He'll prove his worthiness to rule by NOT being a total corporate dictator. 

Unpopular opinion: I've bitched about finding him annoying in the anime enough so instead I'll say I actually don't mind how involved he was in the game plot, it's honestly kind of weird other adults HAVEN'T been like "why are we letting random ten year olds go into very dangerous situations unaccompanied" before if you think about it

A wish: The same as the others, I'd love to see him again IF he's not miserable or acting like an ass. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Don't get lost in spacetime my neurodivergent king you've been through enough 🤞🤞🤞

5 words to best describe them: The tragedy of Superman, Pokemonned. 

My nickname for them: Lee suffices.

[milesmentis]

I saw @turbulentpumpkin43 do this for Ariadne and thought, why the hell not ... I always love a chance to talk about my Most Archetype of All Time Guy! 💗

(More below, but the rows basically line up to his looks, themes, and personality in that order)

Boromir (Lord of the Rings) - From the start, Daren's whole concept was "what if Boromir escaped his tragedy?" [Daren's relationship with Alistair is basically a direct inversion of Boromir and Aragorn]. I love Sean Bean to death and when I needed a comfort character to recreate "just for fun" of course it was going to be him. I have him to thank for Daren's tenacity, protectiveness, and stunning profile (and for teaching me how to love my nose by proxy).

Peter Pevensie (Chronicles of Narnia) - The character I used to temper him on Daren's second playthrough! He's the source behind his idealism, dry humor, and faithfulness. I had just rewatched The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe at Christmas for the first time in several years and reimprinted on Peter like a baby duck. If I was going to play a noble, I couldn't think of anyone nobler. Also they're both big brothers ... which is why I NEEDED to make Maeve Cousland canon.

Odysseus (The Odyssey) - I love Love LOVE giving characters classical mythology parallels, before or after the fact. This is a more recent inspiration ... I used to say he was my Achilles because of his struggles with rage and PTSD, but that didn't feel quite right. Then I realized his propensity for lying, bargaining, and above all enduring made him a perfect Odysseus. All he wants is his home and family back, and that's his reward after a harrowing journey, but it's changed and so has he. You can never truly go back :) .

Eliot Spencer (Leverage) - This slot was up in the air and for a while I strongly considered putting Murtagh or Jaime Lannister here, because I really felt like this list needed a villain. And specifically one that was charming yet had a very particular relationship with violence. But in the end I chose Eliot, because he has the exact right mix of self-aware control, gentleness, and absolute ruthless brutality. For Daren, this applies to both his battle prowess and political/social clout and he can wield both as equally deadly weapons. He knows how dangerous he is, so he's content letting the people around him forget from time to time.

Horace Altman (Ranger's Apprentice) - Just like Daren, Horace is a secondary protagonist and serves as the strong arm and reliable ally to the titular hero. He's a champion, a prodigy when it comes to warfare, and head-over-heels for the princess. While he started as a lunkheaded bully, he grew into an honorable, thoughtful man. I'm finally reading the last book in the series where he is in his late 30's and I realized that he and Daren got the exact same ending. All the way down to saving the world, marrying the queen, and having a precocious adventure-seeking daughter. Way to go, fellas.

Clark Kent (Superman) - I have been obsessed with Lawful Good Paladin-coded Heroes since I started reading Justice League comics at the age of 5. Although he has more internal ethical struggles than Clark (usually) has to deal with, they both respond to injustice with the same open, uncomplicated desire to save people and Do The Right Thing. Daren is, under all his stoic responsibility and PTSD, just a big fat goober who tries to hide his feelings so his friends never worry about him. He's used to being the strong one, the reliable one, and his most important and deepest bonds form with people who make him feel safe to be vulnerable and see the toll that shouldering the weight of the world takes. Also, they both love women who boss them around.

[canonicallyanxious]

Some quick and dirty gay chicken thoughts before I go into work:

I am loving the discussion of class issues so far, the nuance of the conversation and Wen's relative privilege (different levels of privilege though, esp with the focus on Heart's family home as a setting this ep), the way this presents a perpetually present undercurrent of conflict and realism that really sets the tone of the show and its themes well, I'm super looking forward to seeing how that thread develops!

Love the relationship developing bw Wen and Li Ming, I think it's so sweet that Li Ming can find someone who can listen to him without judgment and basically act as a calm mentor figure (did cringe when Wen tried to relate to his situation with his experience changing majors but I think you're supposed to, again that undercurrent of socioeconomic inequality is always present in the relationships of these characters) when he has such a contentious relationship with the other adult figures in his life, and you know I'm always a hoe for an older queer mentor/younger queer mentee relationship, even if so far the queerness doesn't explicitly factor into this particular relationship I do very much think that subtext is still there esp with the implications of how out of place Li Ming feels as a queer teenager versus how assured Wen is with his sexuality

As well I like that having this relationship develop gives Jim more reason to trust and like Wen - idk I just think Jim sees how sweet Wen is to his cat and his nephew and the things that are important to his life and how he seems to understand how they're important to Jim and like there's no way he's immune to that u know

Don't have much intelligent to say about Heart and Li Ming's relationship I just think it's very sweet and refreshing to have this relatively uncomplicated young love blooming in the face of all the drama brewing up, and Fourth and Gemini are totally nailing that tone of first love so far! My one nitpick about the storyline is I wish they had subtitles for Heart's signing esp now that Li Ming is sort of able to pick up what he means better now - I know you can kind of sus out meanings through Li Ming's responses but I just think it's a bit of a baffling choice not to make a storyline focusing on deafness more accessible

Jim's tragic backstory of his ex partner cheating on him is a very interesting choice in light of I still have no fuckin clue what is happening with Wen and Alan. I'm scared of this storyline and already have my reservations honestly lol but I will wait and see before passing judgment bc I've been really into the writing of the rest of the show so far (also the actual flashback really had me in my feelings... Uncle Jim you deserve all the happiness in the world.......)

(like it's weird that both Wen's father and close friend seem super nonchalant about him obviously having chemistry with this man when they also know about his relationship with Alan right. It's weird that Wen's dad who he has a close relationship with doesn't seem to know if Wen and Alan still together or not but also had that very foreboding line about needing to be unattached when you come together with a new lover. Whatever the fuck is going on there.)

I will never not find it funny that Jim is really out here like "okay this is strictly sex, purely physical, we won't kiss on the mouth or even learn each other's names and there will be absolutely no strings attached" and then still somehow managed to have the most tender one night stand sex I have ever seen. Like Uncle Jim idk what purely physical no feelings or strings attached sex looks like to you but somehow I have the feeling that reverently caressing your lips over every inch of another man's body while tenderly clasping his hand long into the night isn't it