#but oh wait here comes stede bonnet on a boat?!

[starofhisheart]

Its nearly summer here so guess what that means! Time to put a big sun hat on izzy hands, lather him up with sunscreen and give him a kiss on the cheek for good luck as u see him off at the beach where he is abt to have an anxious day of trying not to sunburn and keep ed from swimming outside of the flags

[izzy-b-hands]

What Happens To The Heart-Ch. 2

Some folks requested a part two to my last fic, and i decided to give more a go! I'll be editing the first post to notate that there'll be more than one chapter now as well.

TW mentions of corpses, death, also road head except in a dinghy so...boat head?

---

The village is small. One dock that he ties the dinghy to before grabbing his things and heading towards the first building he sees, a small open sort of shed, with some fishing gear and rope by it.

Empty.

"Hello?" Izzy calls out along the dirt path leading further onto the island.

Silence.

He shrugs, and makes his way onwards. No one here has to interact with him if they don't want to; that's fine by him.

The market stalls he passes bear only rotting fruit and empty spaces, and he starts to fear the worst.

Sure enough, the stench of death hits in a massive wave as he reaches a number of small cabin-like houses.

One by one, he searches through them, gently stepping over rotting corpses he can barely see in the dark. Some sickness maybe, hopefully nothing he could still catch, though he doubts that.

There's nothing he needs for now though, and he makes his way past the houses into the trees.

"Mind if I crash here?" he asks a small snake that slithers past.

The snake pauses, seems to turn their head, then continues on away from him.

"I'll take that as a yes," Izzy sighs.

His things rest by the tree he's chosen as 'his', and he settles down by them.

His head rests on one of his bags, but sleep doesn't arrive. He strips off his vest to drape it over himself like a blanket, but it's no good.

"Fine then," he grumbles, and sits back up to lean against the tree. "I can sleep later."

It occurs, as he stares into the dark surrounding him, listening to the sound of night creatures milling around, exactly why he can't sleep.

He's used to saying goodnight to Ed and Bonnet. Without them here, it's a hurdle his brain won't jump to get him to sleep.

"Stupid fucking Bonnet," he sighs.

--

"Izzy's gone," Stede says. "Ed, we can catch up to him-"

"He's banished," Ed interrupts. "Roach! Get the man of the hour a drink!"

A cheer erupts from the crew as Roach passes down a bottle of rum, but Stede sets it on the table as soon as it reaches his hands.

"Ed," Stede tries again. "Seriously. He's your first ma-"

"He was," Ed cuts him off. "Wait."

He turns to Stede and stares. "Oh fuck. We left you-"

"Yeah, you all did," Stede says sharply. "You know who got me down and cleaned up?"

He's speaking louder than he realized; the entire crew is silent and listening now.

"Izzy," he continues. "Izzy came and got me down and bandaged me up. How long would you guys have left me up there if not for him?"

"Not really sure why you're mad at us," Frenchie scoffs. "He's the one that put you there in the first place."

"Maybe so, but at least he had the decency to fix what he'd done," Stede replies. "Or to do his best at that, at least."

"What happened?" Ed asks. "Don't say nothing either, because I can tell-"

"Come with me," Stede murmurs to him, and Ed swings his legs over the bench and out to follow him away from the galley.

"Stede, this is how things go," Ed says gently as they reach the main deck, bathed in moonlight. "I know it seems harsh-"

"It is," Stede interrupts. "He-"

"Stabbed you," Ed finishes. "And in doing so, he broke his blade so you won. Simple as."

"I understand that," Stede says. "But even so, rules can be bent or broken."

"Izzy likes rules, so he should be perfectly happy right now," Ed replies, but he can't seem to meet Stede's gaze.

"Ed, I don't believe you," Stede says softly. "I thought he was your friend."

"You were calling him an asshole not so long ago," Ed shoots back. "Now you can't go on without him here?"

"He kissed me," Stede says. "I mean. I kissed him. Then he kissed me back. Ed, I haven't kissed anyone other than Mary before-"

Ed's eyes snap to his, full of fire. "He did what?"

"Ed," Stede frowns. "I kissed him first-"

"So what?" Ed scoffs. "Yeah, you're right. I should go find him, so I can tell him to fuck off into the fucking sea."

"Edward!"

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?! I wanted to kiss you first, and then he-"

"You want to kiss me?"

Stede's heart pounds fast. "You really want to kiss me?"

Ed steps close, and nods.

"I'm right here," Stede continues.

Ed may be upset, but his kiss is gentle as anything.

"If you prefer Izzy," Ed starts, but Stede kisses him to cut him off.

"I don't prefer one of you over the other," Stede says. "I haven't been kissed in years, Ed. And with all respect to Mary, the kisses she and I shared weren't really what either of us wanted, I don't think. I've never enjoyed a kiss until Izzy and yourself."

Ed kisses him again, more urgently, hands running lightly over Stede's waist until Stede uses his own hands to set them firmly there.

"I don't think I want to choose," Stede says. "I don't...I can't explain it. Not right now. It's been a lot and I've got so much in my head and that's very distracting-"

One of Ed's legs is pressing against his cock, and the urge to rut against him is utterly ridiculous. Putting a sentence together feels impossible.

"I'll stop," Ed says quickly, but Stede reaches down to keep his leg there.

"No, I like it," Stede gasps. "But we need to go find Izzy too. I'm going to think of a plan, just need a moment."

Ed carefully walks them backwards to a wall, gently pressing Stede against it. "Go on."

He can't help but moan at the chance to grind against Ed's thigh. This is outside of anything he's done before, and it's electrifying. All need and want and feeling, nothing like the overthinking he did in bed with Mary.

"We'll go find him when the sun is up," Ed murmurs, eyes fluttering shut as Stede moves.

"You didn't want him to go, did you?"

Ed shakes his head. "He's my friend."

Stede twines his hands in Ed's hair, pulling him close for another kiss.

Morning then. That's soon enough, and surely he can't have gone far.

--

Izzy wakes to a backache.

"Stupid fucking tree," he groans as he stands, only to smash his foot into a large rock.

"Stupid fucking rock!"

He whips around to go the other way, and a vine on the ground trips him.

"Stupid fucking island," Izzy spits. "Stupid fucking Bonnet, Ed-"

He pauses. He doesn't mean that. Not about them.

He drops back down by the tree, and lets himself snuggle up against it, knees pulled up to his chest.

At least here, he can cry in peace.

--

"Olu, you're in charge," Stede declares. "That means whatever he says goes!"

"What if he tells us to mutiny against you?" The Swede asks.

Stede frowns. "I'd hope you wouldn't. Would really prefer you not, actually."

"Why would you want to mutiny?" Ed asks sharply.

"No one is going to mutiny," Olu interjects. "We'll be fine. Not like we're going anywhere until you two are back anyway."

"Do you promise no mutiny plans?" Stede asks. "Because you guys did already nearly do that once to me, so. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice-"

"Just go get him," Olu sighs. "I promise. No mutiny plans, nothing except chores and fucking around doing whatever."

Ed nods. "I think that works. Stede?"

"Sounds good," Stede says. "Shall we?"

The dinghy is heavy with them, their supplies, and extra things Izzy might need as well in it.

It isn't anything much, but Stede fears being unprepared. A thick sweater in case he's cold or sick, new trousers (actually an old black velvet pair of breeches Stede never really liked on himself), extra food, bandages, water.

"You're sure he went this way?" Ed asks as he rows. "I don't see anything in the distance."

"Well, we kept going after he left," Stede replies. "So we've got a ways to go, most likely. Let me know when you want me to take the oars for a bit."

"I'm good," Ed grunts, fighting against the waves. His bare bicep flexes, and Stede can't look away.

"Can I try something?"

Ed looks at him. "What is it?"

Stede can't kneel in the dinghy, but the wooden plank seats are close enough for him to gently reach over and feel Ed's bicep.

Ed blushes and grins. "Thanks. That's what a fuck ton of rowing like this will get you, eventually."

"How long do you think it'll take for me?" Stede asks.

"Dunno," Ed replies. "I mean, your arms are nice already. Not that more muscle is a bad thing, and you'll look good with it. Really fucking good."

Ed pulls the oars in for a moment, and leans in to kiss Stede hard. "Sorry. Couldn't hold that back."

Stede sighs happily. Who knew kissing and the littlest touches could feel this good. "Please, don't hold back."

"Greedy," Ed teases.

"I am," Stede says, with an excited giggle. "Could I try something else?"

"Should I keep rowing?" Ed asks.

"I think you could," Stede replies, and traces over the buttons of the fall-front of Ed's trousers. "Now, I've never done this but I've had it done to me, so I don't think I can fuck it up too badly-"

He undoes the buttons to free Ed's already half hard cock, and awkwardly leans down further to take him into his mouth.

"Fucking-" Ed gasps and Stede hears an oar clatter into the boat. "I thought your hand maybe, I didn't expect-"

Stede tries to dig in his mind for what Mary used to do for him, then it clicks.

What would he want done if it was him on the receiving end?

It seems to be what Ed wants as well, his free hand moving to rest over Stede's as it grips his thigh.

"Rowing," Ed gasps a moment later. "Right, fuck. I can do that."

Stede hums happily around Ed's cock, and Ed lets out a whimpering whine.

But he does start to row again as Stede sucks him off, though the extra motion makes it more interesting to manage his mouth and hands all at once.

If his technique is missing anything, Ed doesn't seem to care. He rows on, occasionally whining and pausing to toss an oar back in the boat before twining his fingers in Stede's hair.

Ed taps his shoulder rapidly after another few moments.

He could stop. But he also recalls how good it felt when Mary would keep going as he came, and even if he can't swallow, maybe Ed won't mind.

The other oar clatters into the dinghy on his other side, and Ed's hips jerk up off his seat.

Swallowing isn't in the cards, at least not now, so Stede lets Ed's come fall from his mouth so he can keep sucking.

"Okay," Ed pants. "Fuck, too much, Stede-"

Stede pops back up and winces. "Next time should maybe do this elsewhere. Don't think my back liked that much, but it was worth it. Did I do alright?"

Ed leans forward to rest his head against Stede's shoulder, his hand busy tucking himself away and doing up his trousers.

"Is that a yes?" Stede chuckles at Ed's breath on his neck, the almost inaudible whines he presses into Stede's skin with kisses.

"Yeah," Ed sighs finally. "You did good. Fucking hell, you did very good."

"Really? I know I'll need more practice," Stede says.

"Enthusiasm can make up for more than you'd expect," Ed says. "Okay. Hate to ask, but I'm still all jelly-feeling. Could you row?"

"Absolutely," Stede replies. "You want to stay there?"

"For another minute at least. You're comfy."

Stede smiles and gently rests his head against Ed's. "You are too."

In the distance, he can barely make out a strip of sand and trees.

[tediousdelusion]

the absolutely most chaotic modern steddy hands au i can imagine is established couple ed and izzy with recently out divorce attorney stede.

like, izzy and ed got married young. maybe because they were drunk in vegas. maybe for the spousal immunity since they are and always have been involved in some less than reputable dealings. but they aren't exactly a "real" married couple in their own minds even tho they live together and their lives are needlessly intermingled.

ed is going through his midlife crisis. he's unhappy, wants to find out that there's more to life. and izzy is done with his shit after the most recent flight of fancy. because i love irony, i think that he buys a boat and comes up with some flimsy justification for why he needs it for "business purposes."

and so izzy threatens divorce, like he has a million times. and ed doesn't buy it because izzy is all talk. but izzy is serious this time - or at least he wants ed to think he's serious - and so he goes and hires a lawyer. not some bus stop lawyer either, no. he wants the real deal and his name is on the joint account, dammit, so ed's money can pay for it too.

enter stede bonnet, divorce attorney at law.

stede is from one of those old legal families. his father was a lawyer and his grandfather was a lawyer and his great-grandfather was... well, you get it. and stede doesn't really want to be a lawyer, but he doesn't have much choice in the matter. his biggest rebellion is practicing family law instead of becoming in house counsel for an investment bank.

for forty-odd years he plays the part of the good son, well after his father is dead. marries the girl he is supposed to, has two kids, a nice house, a steady job. and sure, he's never really happy happy, but he's a divorce attorney! every day he sees marriages so much worse than his own that he figures what he and mary have must be the best a person could hope for.

until woops! actually, no! his marriage is just as bad as half his clients' and now he's going through this whole process himself and oh, yes, on top of it all, he just realized that he's gay!

so between chauffeuring the kids, reading about all the gay culture he's missed in the past four decades, and catching up on his other cases, he ends up meeting one izzy hands. sad case, stede hates to see the end of a long marriage, but it seems easy enough.

except things aren't easy at all because 1) izzy and ed don't actually want to get divorced and 2) stede is starting to fall for ed, izzy's enigmatic and charming husband.

ed is falling for stede, too. of course he is! stede is interesting and new - he comes from this old family tradition that ed's never seen before, but he's also creative and witty and fascinated by ed. and so ed takes it upon himself to help introduce stede to gay culture, preferably by a hands on demonstration.

izzy knows what's going on. of course he does. he's seen ed take interest in someone before, knows what it looks like. but what he doesn't like is that stede is starting to return his interest. stede is izzy's fucking lawyer. if anyone should get to fuck him, it should be izzy.

cue a series of rom-com style hijinks where ed and izzy are both trying to seduce stede, stede is trying to save izzy and ed's marriage, and all three of them think they know what the others want. for more angst and more comedy, you can throw in some actual ethical rules, like how lawyers aren't supposed to start fucking their clients. (there's also a lot of conflict of interest here but shhhhhhhh)

of course, this ends in a throuple. exactly how could go a few ways. maybe izzy walks in on ed and stede and stede is waiting to be fired, but izzy just loosens his tie and joins them in bed. maybe they make it all the way to the first court appearance and when the judge asks if they really want the divorce they're like, nah. he's shagging the lawyer but i guess i want to be fucking him too. maybe stede forces them all to go to lucius sponsored couples counseling and they get perma-banned when they start making out on the couch.

anyway, no matter how it happens, i think stede quits divorce work to become izzy and ed's criminal defense attorney and they all have a long and morally bankrupt good time together

[murderzzz]

So let’s talk about episode 4 of ofmd.

I think 4 is where we really see Ed for the first time. I know he comes up all mysterious and obscure in 3 but 4 is where we really start to deal with him.

Blackbeard has been following around this ship (“he’s a fancy guy with a fancy boat and a [weird] crew”) which he finds absolutely fascinating. When he finally invited Stede to speak with him, Bonnet (unknowingly) declines Blackbeard himself (which is even more fascinating).

And then he goes through all the trouble to save Stede from the Spanish navy, because he’s STILL FASCINATED. And continues to be after he hears Stede murmuring about Mary and his crew and how he’s a coward. And then the closet! And the fine fabrics! And the books! Oh ho ho.

What I failed to understand the first time I watched it is why Ed after all this time he spent with Stede, can come up with a plan to kill him and then impersonate him.

I FIGURED IT OUT (finally; it wasn’t that hard I’m just slow). Blackbeard is used to getting what he wants. He said it himself. “It’s too easy.” So naturally, when he hears about this thing called retirement (from Stede, ironically), he wants it. He’d already expressed to Izzy about how incredibly bored he was. So naturally, he sees retirement as a way out. And he USES Stede and his trust to take that retirement for himself. He’s selfish. He’s used to getting what he wants. He’s used to being the “bad guy” that has no friends. So killing Stede for something he wants is naturally the plan.

But wait, there’s more. Right after Ed voiced his plan to Izzy and Israel basically jumps out of his skin at how Ed’s “still got it” and is brilliant, he turns away, and his grin changes into this, tortured, unhappy, tired expression. If Ed was truly the bad guy who wanted to take Stede’s life, that expression wouldn’t BE THERE. But it is. Which shows, that yes, Blackbeard wants to retire and is willing to do anything to get it, but killing Stede (or anyone at all) isn’t what he truly wants. He doesn’t want to kill this fancy, quirky man who gave him marmalade and called him Ed and let him wear his clothes (because honestly, who would want to kill a man like that?).

There’s a point in here somewhere. Oh yes. Ed doesn’t want to BE Stede. He wants to be FRIENDS with Stede. But because he doesn’t “have any friends” because he believes he isn’t a good person, the idea of being friends slips his mind, and he goes straight to what he’s learned to do: take, take, take.

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

Our Flag Means Death, Messing Around

"Oh fuck, Stede, yes. That's it, that's the spot-"

"I don't know, are you sure?"

"Yeah, just for the love of God, put it up!"

Izzy couldn't sleep. For many reasons. The annoying cries of the seagull in the swedish man's bunk, the snoring of the two men he was forced to sleep next to...but especially because of Stede fucking Bonnet. He'd finally had his captain back. The legendary, merciless Blackbeard. For a whole week before Bonnet had showed up on a dingy boat, climbing up to the deck like a barnacle from hell, begging for his captain's forgiveness.

Instead of cutting down the man where he stood, Blackbeard-no. Edward, crumpled into the nancy boy's arms, a sobbing mess. All for Stede fucking Bonnet. Oh, and apparently he'd picked up a friend along the way. The pain in his ass known as Lucius. Instead of drowning, he'd apparently stayed above water just long enough for Bonnet to find.

So yes, all of that made it very difficult to sleep. The first mate going to the upper deck for fresh air when he heard the noises coming from the captains quarters. The sounds of something hitting the wall over and over again combined with what he heard made Izzy want to live up to his nickname.

"Stede, could you try moving a little? I can't quite reach.''

"I'm trying but it's not as easy as it looks."

They truly has no shame. And it made his blood boil. Storming over to the door, he slammed it open prepared for anything.

"Captain, I can't let you continue to fornicate with-I, ugh-what the hell is going on in here?"

The two were not in fact, fucking on the wall as he'd expected. Instead they were....hanging a picture?

"Oh Iz, hey. What's up?" Ed said nonchalantly as he eyed the first mate.

"What are you doing?"

"Hanging Stede's wife's portrait. It fell down. Didn't have a hammer so we have to improvise." Edward raised his hand to reveal the rather large book in his hand. Izzy stared at the two men for a moment, sputtering for something before awkwardly leaving the cabin. The two waiting for a moment before Stede turned to his partner.

"I can't believe he bought that." Stede said, a bit surprised.

"Oh please, Izzy won't say it but he gets embarrassed very easily." Edward shrugged, taking off the floral robe he'd scrambled for earlier. "Now. Where were we?"

[rei-does-stuff]

OKAY SO I HAD AN IDEA

What if Blackbeard started having hallucinations of like Stede the way Stede had with Badminton and shit

SO I WROTE A LIL THING ABOUT IT SOOOO

Stede in this is obvi ooc since its not rlly him but yk

Tried to do Blackbeard right so hopefully I did well

I TRIED I DONT USUALLY DO FANDOM WRITING SOOO ONTO THE FIC

—

Edward Tech…No Blackbeard took a swig of rum. He still thought about him. About Stede, he had heard what happened, he was dead. No one seemed to know how the man died, mauled by a wild cat, killed by his former wife, shot by Badminton, all the sorts. But one thing was for certain, Stede Bonnet was dead. Deader than dead if the mauling was true. It made him want to cry, but Blackbeard didn’t cry. No matter how much he wanted to. Instead he threw his half finished bottle of rum at wall in a sad rage. Because violence was the only thing Blackbeard could do.

“Well that’s not very nice is it?” He heard a familiar voice said with a hint of disgust. “Stede…?” He said in a hush voice. “I-I thought you were dead.” Was he seeing things? Was he drunk? He had to be. ‘Stede’ smiled at him. Though it wasn’t his usual smile no, it was different. Stede’s smile were warm and filled with life and happiness. This smile was filled with…What was that word? Passive aggression.

“Oh I am dead Ed! Very dead! Didn’t you hear? I was mauled by a wild cat, or killed by my wife or Badminton! The details don’t really matter though I suppose.” His voice was cheerful, but had a heavy hint of sarcasm, like he was mocking him. “Glad to see you’re holding up wonderfully, you look dreadful. More than usual!” He said. “Are you here to haunt me or something?” Edward asked. “Mayhaps! Haven’t decided yet. We have a lot to catch up though since you left without me, or I left without and died. Details details…” He told him. “But y’know, dead or not I would have never even come with you to begin with you know?” ‘Stede’ said.

“What?” Blackbeard replied in surprise, a shocked look on his face. “Oh my goodness your face! Did you really think I would’ve ran away with you to what? China??” He let out a laugh. “God if you thought that you’re more pathetic than I am! And that says a lot!”

“You said you would though!” Edward said. What was even happening??? “And you believed me?!” ‘Stede’ exclaimed. “Ed, I was lying! You’d think the mighty Blackbeard would catch on to that!”

“Think about it, and really think because I know you don’t do that often, but why, why would I ever go with you? You out of everyone?” He asked him. “Because…Because we made each other happy..” Edward said quietly. “Ed…I left you waiting for hours! If I really loved you would I do that? You were just…Something fun for a while. But I got really bored you know? Especially with how…Horrible you are.” ‘Stede’ said with a frown. “What?!” Blackbeard said through gritted teeth. “I mean just look at you, it’s kinda funny how you treat everyone so horribly and are SO surprised when they hate you! You killed your own father, you left a whole ship to burn to ashes for fun! For goodness sake you threw poor Lucius overboard for no reason! Is it really that hard to get through your thick skull??” ‘Stede’s’ voice grew louder and louder.

“You’re a monster Ed. You really are like the Kraken. Who knows maybe if you checked on me I wouldn’t have died. But you didn’t, because no matter what you do, you’re Blackbeard. The most bloodthirsty pirate that ever lived. And Blackbeard doesn’t care about anyone else but himself because all he is, is a SELFISH LITTLE TWAT-“

“SHUT UP! Shut the fuck up!” He threw Stede’s boat model of the ship at him. The one thing he didn’t throw away. But it didn’t do anything, going through straight through him and shattering into a few pieces. And before he had time to even think he was gone. Like he was never there. A few minutes later Izzy open the door. “Are you alright captain?” He asked. “Yeah I am…” He sighed.

“I need a fucking drink.”

—

LMK WHAT YOU THINK SHSHSJ I TRIED

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

OFMD Accidental Baby Acquisition, And a Baby Makes Three-er, Seven

"What the fuck is that?"

"A baby." Ed nonchalantly nodded his head when Izzy came into the captain's quarters. Bouncing the child in his arms with a soft hum, Izzy stared at the two incredulously.

"Where the fuck do you get a baby?" Ed looked up from the kids at Izzy with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, stupid question."

"Yeah a bit."

"But why the fuck did you bring it here?"

"What was I supposed to do? Leave it on a burning ship?"

"Yes!" Izzy shouted as he stomped over to Ed, jabbing the captain in the chest with his finger. "You're Blackbeard! You don't care about babies or any of that sentimental bullshit!"

"Hey, I may be Blackbeard but I'm not a fucking monster." Ed slapped Izzy's hand away. "I don't kill babies....despite what some of those stupid books say." Izzy sighed, backing away from the man before looking back at the cabin doors.

"Edward, imagine what the crew would think. They're already on the verge of a mutiny. Showing weakness now would be a death sentence for the both of us." Ed snorted.

"Well you'd know about mutinies wouldn't you? I'd ask you to be captain but all things considered.."

"Oh fuck you-wait. What's that smell?" Their attention turned the child.

"Well I'd say they probably need a diaper change."

"And have you ever changed a diaper?"

"Nah. But how hard could it be?" Ed shrugged. "Course I could just delegate the task to you-"

"Edward, I think you're underestimating how willing I am to jump over the side of this boat." Izzy threw his hands in the air before turning around. "Go ahead, do whatever the fuck your want. See if I care. When you come to your senses, we can drop the child off somewhere since you're feeling so emotional." The disgust in his voice was clear as he walked out, slamming the door behind him. The kid did not like this one bit as they started wailing.

"Shhh, shhh, hey don't. Come on, I just got you to stop crying." Ed's attempts at shushing the child were in vain. Looking around frantically for something he could use before his eyes focused on the ridiculously large wardrobe. Most everything of Stede's had been thrown overboard when he deserted the rest of Bonnet's crew but he kept a few of the nicer clothing items. Grabbing a random yellow floral print robe, Ed set the baby down on a nearby chair as he began to cut at the fabric. Slicing out multiple long strips.

Going over to the kid and carefully lifting up their puffy dress, Ed reoiled at the smell before taking off the swaddle and quickly tossing it away. Taking one of the strips and using it to clean the child. A girl apparently. Careful to make sure she was clean before taking the remaining strips and creating a makeshift diaper. The kid didn't seem to mind as she stopped crying when Ed lifted her up. The large brown eyes staring straight at him. Seemingly confused by the strange man holding her.

"Sorry bout your parents kid." Ed apologized to the baby. But she was a baby and could not respond. "...probably can't just keep calling you kid. Everyone needs a name." For a moment he thought about naming her after his mother. But Elizabeth seemed a bit too formal. The baby didn't look like an Elizabeth anyway. "You look more like an Annie. Don't you think?" The baby responded by spitting up. "I'll take that as a yes."

Ed wasn't good with ages but she looked at least a few months old. Seven? Maybe eight. Old enough to eat food at least.

Glancing around the cabin then out the window at the deck where his small crew were arguing about something and he frowned. Ed wasn't prepared for a baby at all. How could he take care of her when he was barely taking care of himself?

[rei-does-stuff]

Another OFMD fic because I’m mentally ill? It’s more likely than you think!

The premise of this fic is that Stede comes back to Edward, but in his yk Blackbeard rage he kills Stede. But this like, causes a fucking time loop so the two are stuck repeating the same day, and they’re basically trying to yk stop that loop from happening and shit

Enjoy :)

—

Stede was rowing out. Heading back to his pirate life, after settling things with Mary he could finally understand, understand his love for Edward and make things right! But in the distance, Stede saw his crew on an island. He had quite a few questions for sure! Why were they stranded on the middle of some random island? What happened whilst he was gone? He wondered, he rowed, rowed as fast as he could to get to them. “I’m back!” He called out! “I’m back!!” He made it onto the island, almost falling over due to how exhausted he was. “Where’s the ship? Where’s Ed??” He asked in a confused huff. “Well captain he’s just uh, right over there. On the ship. Leaving.” Oluwande said pointing at the leaving ship. “What?!? He’s leaving you guys??” Stede said in shock. “‘Fraid so captain.” Buttons replied.

“Shit…! Shit! Okay, everyone get on the boat! We’re following that ship!” Stede said. “Are you even sure we’re all gonna be able to fit in there?” Oluwande asked. “Figure it out! We gotta hurry before we’re all stranded here!” Was all Stede said before practically pushing everyone onto the boat.

Stede had a million thoughts in his head as he rowed towards the ship. Why would leave the crew stranding like that?? Where was Jim or Lucius?? Was Edward angry at him for not showing up? Whatever was going on, he’d make things right! As a gentlemen pirate would! As they got closer to the ship Stede stood up. “Alright everyone! I’m gonna need you guys to throw me onto that ladder!” He exclaimed! “Uhhh—You want us to what??” Black Pete asked in confusion. “I said throw me onto that ship! That’s an order!” He said bluntly. “Please—“ He then added hastily. “If you die, can we eat you?“ Swede asked. “I’m not gonna-Y’know what sure you can eat me, just hurry!” As so he was thrown towards the ladder of the ship. He just barely caught it. But his head hit the wall really hard. Causing a loud thud, it was really painful! But it didn’t matter to him! He did it! He made it! He was already imagining the scene! He would fix everything! Make things right again! Like it was before! He just needed to play his cards right.

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Blackbeard was informed by Izzy that Stede was back. Though it was pretty obvious due to the loud thud on the side of their ship. “Seems like that bonnet can’t seem to fuck off, can he? What do you wanna do, Captain?” He asked him. Blackbeard thought for a bit. He was angry, too angry. Stede just decided to waltz back into life after leaving? He waited for hours and NOW he decides to come back? He was gonna make him regret that decision, the kraken would get to him, but Edward wouldn’t. Edward was long gone now. “Let him aboard, I have a score to settle.” He grabbed his sword and headed towards the deck. Stede would be in for a rude awakening.

Stede climbed aboard the revenge, his head felt like it was splitting in half from the pain. Greeting him atop was a very unhappy Edward, the outer edges of his eyes and his former beard were covered in this black substance, charcoal maybe? “Ed..? Ed!! Oh my god!! Why were you leaving the rest of the crew?? Why do you have charcoal all over you?? What’s going on???” Stede asked in surprise. Granted it probably wasn’t the thing he should say but he was in too much shock right now. “It’s Blackbeard, not Ed.” Was all Blackbeard replied, jamming his sword into the back of Stede’s chest, getting all the important bits along with him. Stede didn’t even have react, he almost fell off the ship entirely. The pain was unbearable, worse than anything he’d ever felt before. Oh god…Was this how it would end for him? He didn’t even get to explain himself! He looked up at the man, “Ed….I…I…” Everything went to black before he could even finish his sentence.

He woke up, in the boat, heading towards the island again. What the hell?? He died, he actually died, but he also didn’t die? His head was hurting just thinking about it. Was it all a dream? It didn’t feel like a dream. He checked his pulse, he was alive and well. Well physically at least. So why, why did that feel so real?

It didn’t matter though, he needed to help his crew! He needed to get to Ed! He rowed towards the island, getting the strangest sense of déjà vu.

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Edward Teach was informed by Izzy Stede was there, the loud thud on the ship from him rung in his ears. That was weird, he had a dream exactly like this. Where he killed stede, like he was going to right now. Surely it was just a coincidence?

And so it happened again, Stede went up to the ship, ask what was going on, and got stabbed by Blackbeard.

Stede awoke on his boat once more. Confused more than ever, he still wasn’t dead. What was going on?? He took a deep breath, clearly asking wasn’t helping, maybe telling Edward how sorry he was for leaving would do something?

And so he got on the boat once more, hoping for a better outcome.

“Edward! I’m sorry for leaving! I can explain everything I swear!” Stede said. Blackbeard rolled his eyes. He was still angry, still furious, still not even thinking straight. He stabbed stede once more. “I don’t care for your excuses.” Stede was dead before he could even respond.

It happened again and again and again. Each a little different from the last.

“You have to listen to me!” Stede said, trying to get through to him. “I don’t wanna listen!” Edward appeared more and more frustrated each time he came back. And Stede came more and more determined to get through to the man.

“I love you Ed..!” Stede had told him as he came back another time. Blackbeard hesitated for a second. Stede stood up stepping ever closer to the man. He kissed the man suddenly, “I never should have left…” He said. Edward felt so many emotions, he loved the kiss, he loved hearing him say that, but he was still angry. Despite his happiness he was still too angry. But now as he stabbed Stede once again did he also feel a tinge of guilt. Just a tinge. “You shouldn’t have…” Was all he said as the man died once again.

Stede woke up again. He practically kicked the boat over in frustration. “FUCK…!” He shouted out. He was so close! He needed to be someone where Edward couldn’t kill him again. As he got onto the boat again he was greeted with Edward’s frustrated face. But this time he had a plan to not get killed, he kicked Edward’s leg, hard, he really didn’t want to but if it would help not die it was needed. “Shit!” Blackbeard dropped the sword which gave Stede enough time to rush to the captain’s quarters and barricade the door. “Oh you are SO dead!” He heard Ed yell out from the deck. “Gotta find something..! Gotta find something..! Gotta find something so I won’t get bloody murdered..!!” He mumbled to himself in a panic as he rapidly tried to pull and press anything to find one of his hidden passageways. All of his things were gone, but he had to scrounge up something! He pulled on one of the vanities in the room, revealing a hidden library he had. And there he found…Lucius eating the paper from one of his books??

“Lucius???” He said in surprise. “Captain??? What are you doing here??” He asked shocked. “What am I doing here?? What are YOU doing here???” Stede asked in response. “Well ol’Edward over-there lost his shit for some reason and threw me overboard, I almost fucking died and had to hide in here!” Lucius explained. “HE THREW YOU OVERBOARD??” He said in shock. “Yeah! I’ve been stuck in here for a week! A WEEK! I’ve been eating paper for food Captain! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH NUTRITIONAL VALUE PAPER HAS?? NOT MUCH!!” Lucius exclaimed. The two heard banging on the door. “What’s going on with you then?” Lucius asked. “Well he’s pretty angry with me after I kinda left him all alone to see my family and now he uh-wants to kill me.“ Stede said bluntly. “I came in here trying to find something to y’know STOP that.” Lucius thought for a moment. “There’s a sword over to your right, if he’s trying to kill you, might as well try to defend yourself.” He suggested.

That’s something he didn’t think of. A duel…It could give him some time. “Yeah…Yeah! I did win that duel against Izzy before! This’ll be a piece of cake!” He said confidently. “Well you only ‘won’ that due to a technicality so—“ Lucius was interrupted by Stede. “Oh hush you weren’t even conscious for it.” He sighed, “A duel….Let’s do this.” Lucius wished him luck as he close the passageway. Wouldn’t want Lucius to actually get killed after all.

He undid the barricade and his eyes met Edward’s. “Edward Teach!” He announced. “I challenge you to a duel!” Blackbeard scoffed and laughed at the same time. “Are you serious?” He asked. “Very serious!! Standard duel rules apply! If I win we are going to have a nice and calm discussion! With no violence! If you win…Well you can kill me if you wish, whatever you want.” He said. Blackbeard paused for a moment. “Alright, sure, I accept.” He told him. The duel was on.

They both drew their swords, Blackbeard was the first to strike, but Stede managed to dodge. They exchanged blows, slashing and parrying, Stede nearly avoiding getting skewered. He was doing better than expected, the battle was going in his favor. He was getting more confident. Edward kept parrying Stede’s hits. “When did you get good at this?” He asked. “Learned from you!” Stede replied with a grin. Things kept going smoothly, until one final miscalculation. Edward’s blade failed to parry Stede’s hit in time. The blade went straight through him, on his right even. Stede’s eyes widened. He didn’t mean to do that! No no no! He didn’t want THIS to happen!! “Edward oh god..! I…! I didn’t mean..!” Edward let out a pained laugh. “You stabbed me ya nut…God is this how it felt for you all those times…?” Edward was out cold in minutes. Before Stede could even react he heard Izzy voice call out. “STEDE FUCKING BONNET.” He shouted, pulling out a small pistol. He shot Stede, sending him back onto the boat once more.

Stede was on the boat again, getting shot was a new experience, and one he certainly didn’t like. He screamed out a swear in frustration. This was all so pointless! No matter what he did he just ended up dying again and again. He considered throwing himself off the boat and drowning just to see what would happen. But he knew he had to get out of this loop. He rowed towards the island once more.

“Maybe we shouldn’t even go..” He mumbled. “Well considering some of us are already considering eating each other,” Oluwande began, pointing towards Buttons who had tried to eat Swede, “I think heading there is our best bet.” Easy for you to say! You’re not the one getting murdered a million times! Stede thought. “Right right…Let’s go.”

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Edward Teach took a swig of rum. Stede would be approaching soon. He was so so tired. Tired of being angry, tired of killing Stede. Maybe a discussion really would help. Maybe it would stop this horrid loop. Actually dying gave him some perspective after all. It was worth a try.

Stede climbed aboard the revenge once more. Awaiting another death. But instead he was greeted by a tired looking Edward Teach. “Come inside…We need to talk.” Was all he said before he went inside the Captain’s quarters. And so, Stede followed suit. The two sat down on the canapé. “So…You’re not gonna kill me again—Are you?” Stede asked with a nervous chuckled. Attempting to fill some of the dead air. “No….I think I’ve done that enough. Seems like we’re both in this, weird loop.” Edward said. “Think we’re the only one’s in it?” Stede asked. “Looks like it..” He replied.

“I’m tired Stede…Tired of everything. Tired of being pissed, tired of killing you, just tired.” Edward explained. “I’m tired too…Dying isn’t a great feeling. Especially by you.” Stede replied. “Yeah I know…you said you could explain everything and since we basically have all day, why don’t you explain?” Edward told him. And so Stede explained. Explained everything from his meeting with Badminton, to faking his death.

“Jesus Christ….A piano fell on you and everything? That’s one hell of a fuckery…” Edward said astonished. “I am quite proud of myself for it admittedly. But I told you! I didn’t mean to leave you there…I really should’ve just told you but I didn’t. And you every reason to be angry..Maybe not every reason to kill me a million times but y’know it happens—“ Stede said. Edward kissed Stede suddenly. “I’m not angry…Not anymore.” He told him. “You still make me happy…I didn’t lie about that y’know?” Stede replied. “I know…I know.”

The sun was setting. “Hey look, it’s almost nighttime and we’re alive. That hasn’t happened before.” Edward said. “It hasn’t…Think we’ll get sent back?” Stede asked him. “Only one way to find out.” And so the two got ready for bed.

“Hey Edward..?”

“Yeah Stede?”

“I love you…”

Edward smiled, “I love you too.” The two fell asleep in each other’s arm.

The morning came, but instead of awaking in the boat, Stede Bonnet was still in the arms of his pirate captain lover. The sun shined in his face. He got up out of bed, “What day is it…? What day is it?!” Did they do it? Was the loop over?? He pulled on the vanity where Lucius was residing. “Captain what are you—?” Lucius was interrupted by Stede. “Long story I’ll tell you later! What day is it??” He asked. “It’s November 1st.” Lucius replied. November 1st!! It was the next day! They made it! They actually made it! “November 1st..!!! Yes!!” He went back towards Ed. The vanity passage practically slamming on Lucius face. “Thanks..” Was all he could say afterwards.

Stede shook Edward awake. “What..?” He said groggily. “It’s November 1st Edward! We made it!” Stede said excitedly. “We did..??” He replied in shocked happiness. Hugging Stede suddenly. “We did it!! We fucking did it!!” Edward then said happily. The two kissed once again. Happier than ever. “Captain!” The two heard Izzy call out. “Shit.” Stede said bluntly. “Well that’ll be a problem for me.” Stede then said. “Not for long.” Edward replied. Getting out to see Mr. Hands himself.

“I’m not killing Stede.” Edward told him.

“Then I will.” He replied.

“No, you won’t, you won’t be on this vessel anymore actually.” Edward said.

“….What?”

“You won’t be on this Vessel anymore.” Edward repeated. “Fang, give him Stede’s boat, he’ll be rowing out of here by dawn.” He ordered his crew. “Oh and..Don’t think about telling the British either. Stede Bonnet has already died in a freak tiger mauling incident.” He said with a smirk. “Actually it was the piano that fully killed me!” Stede added.

Izzy looked at Stede, then back at Edward with an angry expression. “You’ll regret this..” Was all he said as he took off.

“Do you actually think he’ll leave us alone now?” Stede asked. “Probably not, but that’s a problem for us to deal with later.” Edward said. “Y’know I could’ve swore I heard Lucius this morning which is…Really weird considering he’s uh..Um..” Edward stuttered a bit with finishing that sentence. “I already know but good news! He’s alive and well!” Stede said happily.

“He’s what—??” Edward replied shocked.

“Eh it’s a long story, how about we talk about it…Over tea perhaps?” He suggested.

Edward chuckled. He supposed he had time, all the time in world now.

“I think I’d like that.”

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Lmk what you think <3