#but that card game isn’t directly connected to it anymore

[blueeyeswhitegarden]

I wanted to vent a bit about some stuff I noticed in Duel Links, but it got a bit longer than I thought it would, so I’ll put it under the cut here.

There’s something about the current Duel Links event that kind of bothers me. I like to see Yugo interacting with the Arc V cast as much as the next person, but his interaction with Yuya felt off to me, mainly with Yuya saying that Yugo escaped from his body. I think that the wording threw me off a bit, but it also felt like a contradiction of the Yuto event. At the end of that event, Yuya said that he still felt like Yuto was a part of him and it was heavily implied, if not confirmed, that the Yuto in Duel Links was recreated from his memories. I thought that this made sense. It fits with the lore of Duel Links and didn’t contradict the anime’s ending. It felt like a way to have their cake and eat it too. The counterparts are fan favorite characters with popular decks, especially the Dragon Boys, so of course they were going to be playable. This was just their way to make it fit within Duel Links.

But Yugo saying that he isn’t part of Yuya anymore feels like a completely different message. I could be jumping the gun here when the event just started and it could lead to the same conclusion as the Yuto event, which would make sense, but something about that line just felt off to me. It probably doesn’t help that it instantly reminded me of people using the previous Arc V world events to complain about the ending or that Duel Links was fixing it. As someone who likes the ending and has been tired of people complaining about it for years, the idea of the counterparts magically getting their bodies back is probably less appealing for me than for other fans. Granted, there’s a good chance that they’re using the counterparts appearing in Duel Links less as a way to change the anime’s ending and more so to build up to Zarc’s eventual appearance in the game years down the road, especially when he did come up in Yugo’s interaction with Reiji. It does make sense for Duel Links to focus on the counterparts appearing since it provides mystery and some buildup for more events in the future. If I wasn’t so tired of the complaints about the ending, maybe this would be less of an issue.

I think I also realized why the Arc V world feels like a post canon AU fan fic to me. Some of the characterization or the framing feels a bit off to me, or at least off from my own interpretation of the characters and events. While Shun wanting to see Yuto and Ruri post finale isn’t out of character, I feel like his event really fed into the fan interpretation that he was sad and lonely after the finale, something which I honestly don’t agree with at all. Yuya being happy to interact more directly with Yugo also might not out of character exactly, especially when he was happy to talk to Yuto directly as well, but saying that Yugo escaped from his body just felt so weird to me when the anime didn’t really treat the merging as the counterparts were trapped exactly. Not just in the last two duels of the series, but even when Yuya and Yuto could communicate more easily in season three, the idea of getting Yuto his own body back or figuring out how to undo their merge never came up. It’s one of the reasons why I didn’t mind that the anime ended with Yuya and Yuzu as permanent fusions with their counterparts. Framing Yugo’s appearance as if he somehow escaped just feels too strange to me. Even in Sora’s event, Yuya saying that he wouldn’t date Yuzu felt out of character. Granted, that was to recreate a scene from the anime and I don’t think that Yuya would be openly confessing his love for Yuzu either, but even that felt kind of off putting for post-canon Yuya.

Now I’m positive that I’m really overthinking things about a mobile game designed to get people to spend money on cards. Trying to connect any of the worlds, not just the Arc V world, to the continuity of their respective anime wouldn’t make sense either. There are multiple versions of Judai alone running around in GX World and plenty of characters who are actually dead or should not be able to exist are playable too. There were just some details that bothered me where I wanted to vent about it. There are still moments that I have liked so far. Yugo being worried about Yuya being weaker is actually pretty sweet. I like the idea that merging together allowed for the Dragon Boys to instantly understand each other through their link. Yuzu seemingly regaining some memories of her counterparts based on her interaction with Yugo is pretty cool too. As much as I love and respect the anime’s ending, Yuzu dealing with the aftermath of merging with her counterparts was something I wish we had gotten too. I should probably just try to go with the MST3K route of just relax and enjoy more Arc V content because I do love being able to play as these characters, seeing their interactions and playing with their decks. I just also really tend to overthink about this kind of stuff and it can get overwhelming enough where I need to vent about it.

[buzzykrueger]

When Gon’s anger becomes a protective mechanism for Killua

IMPORTANT: The text is long, plus, I do not support Gon hate. He’s a human being and a kid, so don’t worry, none of my analysis will put him as a monster.

You know the theory that one of the reasons Gon shuts Killua out from Pitou’s fight, besides proving himself and erasing his guilt, is also to keep Killua safe? I didn’t understand at first, but I kinda agree with that now.

Remember the “YES I AM AN IDIOT” iconic scene, Greed Island arc?

Let’s talk about that and link it all.

They’ve spent half of the chapter 158 arguing because Gon kept insisting on meeting this “Chrollo Lucilfer” person inside the game, while Killua was trying to be logical, saying that this person wouldn’t clarify their reasons only by asking them. Killua eventually gives in, and after Gon uses the card, they travel to met not Chrollo, but Hisoka, who asks if they went all that way just to ask him a question (implying how dumb it was).

Gon says that’s pretty much their reason and Killua kept teasing Gon on his dumb choice.

But after some ping-pong teasing between them, the reason Gon was being stubborn is, actually, a concern that lights up on his mind with memories of his journey to rescue Killua from Kukuroo Mountain. Even blushing, Gon says that he was reminded of Gotoh’s words and was worried that both of them were being deceived.

Gotoh’s words were, exactly:

Be careful. And protect Killua.

This also adds to the character analysis - one that is very on point - that Gon being outgoing doesn’t mean he puts depth to analyzing his feelings. He speaks his mind, the problem is not to talk per se - but to put effort into understand his intentions behind those actions. He could say he was worried about them, but he doesn’t, because he speaks first and doesn’t think through what he feels. He’s yes outgoing, but impulsive, and very immersive into acting first, think later - or even thinking only when questioned, because it didn’t even crossed his mind. That’s why we see him talking but yet... it’s hard to know what is happening inside him aside from Killua’s common inner monologues. But maybe protecting Killua it’s so natural that he doesn’t even bother to explain. To think that he keeps Gotoh’s words and even mentions it after all this time, such a nice and gentle touch of how much he respects his bond with Killua. 

Now, let’s get back to the CAA events. Specifically chapter 222.

A very shocked and distressed Gon was learning through Kite's attacks, but not to defend himself or parry. His painful attempts were all leading to dodge the punches and faints, so he could give puppet Kite a hug, and an apology.

Yes, he said terrible things to Killua - and of course wanting to protect him wasn’t the only reason. But he knew from the moment they first met Pitou, that they were dangerous. He wanted to deal with that alone, because it was “his mess”, so he shouldn’t endanger his most beloved one. 

We know that this is a turning point for Gon’s development in this arc, because it is the moment where his resolve becomes tainted with all the guilt he is facing. It’s when he starts to lose himself, and Killua knows that, probably, nothing he says or do will convince Gon otherwise.

But what contrasts with the well-known harsh words towards his best friend, is that he never meant to exclude Killua from the whole situation. That's why he says "OUR fault".

Then, right after, he addresses Killua directly. Visibly starting to lose himself, he takes the responsibility to prove he's strong to fix it, but I think that due to his communication pattern, he might also mean that he’s want to fix it without endangering who he wanted to fight by his side under normal circumstances.

It’s an act that can hold both guilt and protection. He addresses only that one person in the room because he needs Killua to know that this isn't a normal situation, and that's why he can't bring him to this fight. It isn’t normal because someone dear to him got hurt really bad. It isn’t normal because his best friend, someone who would not think before putting his life at risk for Gon, shouldn’t endanger himself to the point he could face the same destiny, specially because this is Gon’s way to show he cares. Again, Gon just speaks his mind without much thought, with his intentions between the lines. His effort to put his feelings into words mixed with the suffering he is handling are, on his mind, overwhelming enough - but still he cared to speak directly to Killua. Could this be, again, another demonstration of not-so-well-thought feelings spoken with the first words that come to his mouth?

Wouldn’t make sense, after all of those demonstrations of Gon’s behavior when someone is endangered and he desperately wants to take control of the situation because he thinks this is the best way to protect them and to be useful, and with that, deserving of their company? 

As Gon's communication is both simple (in words) and complex (behind the words), since he doesn't think through his feelings and he’s a stubborn child, it makes hard for others to catch his intentions, specially if they're already struggling to understand that they are not a burden. Because Killua’s mindset on making friends also includes the need to feel useful, just like Gon’s, but expressed through different means - and by being casted away fro Gon’s decision and later saving the boy in order to push him forward once again to his goal (alone this time), Killua thinks Gon has cut ties with him. as he couldn’t play a helpful role within Gon’s life anymore. So, this is how he reaches the rejective conclusion.

But the connection that I'm trying to make is that even thought Gon’s words were awful as the boy himself recognized, I truly believe Gon still wouldn't want Killua to fight even if he knew how his friend felt.  But not because he rejected Killua or meant to cut ties with his “no longer useful” best friend.

Because Gon has stated already: Killua doesn’t have to earn his friendship.

Those harsh words during the Palace Invasion were an attempt to regain control of the situation, prove his worth in the middle of a mental chaos that he wasn’t ready to face. But still, what if he kept reminding himself that he must protect his best friend in the entire world and just couldn’t find a better way to say it? Because he knows Killua is capable of self-sacrificing, Gon tried to stop him before, and Pitou is terribly strong. If it’s hard for him to translate his feelings when he is calm and collected, the extreme condition he found himself dragged in would’ve just made this communication face more obstacles. Fighting his own pain - another thing he couldn’t translate for the sake of his own mental health - led to the words to come out like they were: heartbreaking.

So, I’m not saying that it was solely to protect Killua, but I think that makes sense for Gon’s character. And again, I don’t think he would agree that Killua would fight what he thinks it’s his battle alone. But, with his mind cleared and the right questions, he would've given Killua an answer. He would say that this is not about taking Killua out of the special place Gon has put him, but about Gon taking the the responsibility based on what he thinks it’s best for everyone. His feelings, either protective or hurtful, are only explained when he’s asked, because action speaks volume for him and he needs this trigger question to make him translate his intentions.

Just like in the Hunter Exam, he only tells Kurapika about how he felt with Hisoka because he questioned. 

And in the Yorknew Arc, Gon didn’t let Killua hurt himself and was really trying to understand how the other boy felt. Gon doesn't communicate well but not because he rejects his feelings, and still, he cares about others’ feelings too. He was just literally out of his mind. So yeah, I think he cared for Killua safety, and if after all this time he made a connection between his stubborn acts and Gotoh’s words, it’s because - on his mind - these words and thoughts never leave his head. He’s constantly worrying about Killua, in his own way. But he couldn't explain something that he didn't put a second thought even for himself to understand. And it's not the first time, he acts very similar in these mentioned situations.

What all these stubborn oriented situations that I’ve mentioned, except for the one regarding Hisoka, have in common? He wanted to protect Killua.

He was undeniably wrong in saying those words to Killua, but it’s something acknowledged by himself already. He IS, by his nature, a protective kid, and under normal circumstances, Killua would be allowed to fight by his side because it has to be him. If it’s not going to be him, it won’t be anyone else. He can’t risk to lose him for something that he feels overly responsible. His words were rooted in pain, but the moment he addresses Killua that he would fight alone - a moment recollected by the latter in the hospital scene - shows respect for the one he has just lost, Kite, and the one he doesn’t want to lose. 

Killua is the one who never left him, never discredited him and is irreplaceable. Killua is the first thing that comes up to his mind when thinking about meeting Ging. Who would have thought that Gon’s mind would reach so far into memories and hold so deeply someone’s words like Gotoh’s?

He was selfish. But it’s a childish selfishness, built on such empty expectations about himself that he ends up forcing on others what he believes that is the right thing to do, in order to keep others safe, no matter how bad he hurts his body... because when it comes to protect those he care, he loses respect on his self-care due to this low self-esteem of his. So, he didn’t ask Killua to “please, let me fight alone”, because he’s decided to not drag Killua into a fight he knows he might lose, and then Killua couldn’t be protected.

And makes sense, again, that Killua couldn’t read between these lines, because he also blames himself for everything that happened, and thinks his feelings and desires would only keep in Gon’s way - that’s why those words hit him so deeply, but the thing that hurts him the most was the sole fact that Gon fought alone. He can’t help but compare to the dodgeball, and like Gon, Killua has his own unhealthy patterns: since he only knows love through pain, when he’s prevented from getting hurt against his will, he fails to understand it as an act of love.

The bond they’ve established while playing Greed Island was expressed through dozens of symbolisms already well discussed among the fandom (Killua’s badge, the rainbow diamond, the famous line during the dodgeball game). And I don’t doubt that their encounter with Pitou held traces of the same protective pattern, but messed up by Gon’s internal struggle.

For the times Gon showed concern before, we can mention more expressive moments like the whole Zoldyck arc, when they were escaping from the Troupe, when Tzeseguerra said he’d endangered Killua or even when Killua got caught by some spell, etc, or we can even analyze his body language. Like here:

Before the date, Gon is indirectly protecting Killua in here, through his body language (Killua entered the room first, but Gon puts himself between them):

And after the date, while being punished for hurting her feelings, Gon screams at Palm when she tried to stab Killua, probably implying that he was observing and only interveins when she tries to hurt anyone other than himself - because he is, again, being stubborn and taking all the blame and control in order to redeem his actions and prove his capacity to fix things. I think it’s possible that Gon talked to her about Killua off curtains, or at least made an agreement about not involving Killua in her madness, but it it’s open to interpretation.

So, yeah, I can’t help but link everything to his pattern. He responds to the fear of losing those he loves with the same impactful devotion that is given to him, but it is so impactful that fails vocabulary and second thoughts. He knows Killua will be the first to risk his life if something happens or to prevent Gon from getting hurt during his tasks. Killua tends to sacrifice a lot and never complains while doing it, so I think it’s pretty much plausible that even when he can’t express himself at all, he’s worrying about Killua in the corner of his mind. Sometimes, just before our eyes.

Anyways, I love re-reading Greed Island arc and linking to their development through CAA because pretty much anything they do, they’re doing together, and they were bonding so beautifully. Their relationship was never so well-detailed before, but mostly for us, when they didn’t get much time to put in the balance how rushed their training was, and how fast they got attached to the point they can’t even stop thinking about each other while distant.

They look at each other like this:

They inspire this kind of reaction from others:

And there’s this one... nothing big, I just love it hahahaha

They’re in love each others’ top priority. It’s not impossible that Gon took Killua’s safety into matter, but his mind and words failed him, as he himself acknowledges that the only explanation to say those things to Killua is that “he doesn’t know what he was thinking”. Because, under normal circumstances, just like about letting Killua fight by his side, he would NEVER hurt Killua’s feelings. He IS protective. He didn’t have to rescue Killua from his own home - since Killua left for himself - but he still does it, instead of sticking to his main journey. And did not budge until Killua was safe by his side.

It’s a badly worded protection, because he doesn’t even know self-protection and puts action before everything. To figure a better way out of this pattern, he will now have plenty of time to find new ways to protect Killua and himself from the flaws of their dynamic. Their emotional attachment didn’t grow as fast as their fighting skills, but it doesn’t mean Gon is a monster, was malicious towards Killua or wanted to break his heart. I don’t even think he would reject Killua, but would explain the reason behind his decision in a reassuring way.

And finally, it’s so symbolic how Gotoh died and got replaced by a Kiriko - the same creature that translates Gon’s perceptiveness and how the boys are close. This way, they are still linked by Gotoh’s words through someone that mimics Gotoh’s appearance and also understands their relationship like the long gone butler. His words will never die.

And not to mention... how shoujo and romantic it is that Gon remembers the promise he made to Gotoh before he takes Killua with him? It is almost like a marriage proposal. That he didn’t forget, not even after all this time. 

Do I think he would’ve change his mind on letting Killua fight? Not at all, and Killua couldn’t change his mind even if he begged, at least not without some patient mental work. This is Gon’s mindset on protecting someone. But like that time in Greed Island, under normal circumstances, Gon would’ve ease Killua’s worries directly or indirectly after some talking. And of course, it is not his job to guess Killua’s feelings, communication must be a two-way path. Killua waited for too long, and at that point, Gon was too lost in his grief and wasn’t able to measure his words. But I truly believe that, deep inside his mind, those words and that promise were still there, waiting to resonate if necessary.

And as @gallyl​ added so perfectly: Killua is alive and well, grieving on the hospital’s bench, trying to get a grip of everything he just experienced. Decided to give Gon a second chance, he’s now able to understand this message of love Gon has left for him: there’s so much he can do in life, that Gon simply doesn’t want him to die because Killua’s whole life was surrounded by death - and Killua’s greatest wish was to live like a normal kid. And this speaks louder to Gon than having Killua to himself in death. A love that is not selfish, and does not envy. Killua’s life is validated, and in return, he saves Gon and his sister, the ones he loves the most, and validate back their right to exist, to grow, to try again. Unconditional love. At first, he’s hurt and demands an apology. But it’s Alluka who reminds him of how love must be free to give and to receive - he should let his heart open for whenever Gon is ready to reach him again.

But now, the apology will matter. 

And this is absurdly romantic. Not every sacrifice ends up in dying together to prove a relationship. They’ve made promises similar to marital vows, and not everything happened like they wanted, but they made clear to us that they’re not done with each other - as they refuse to say goodbye, and keep grammatical constructions like “for a while”, indicating a break, an interlude. 

Their song is still playing, and their promises still exist as their split was never mentioned as something definitive, because preventing the other one to get physically hurt on your behalf and taking some time to think before you take the risk to accidentally emotionally hurt them too are both ways to show protection. Ways that they’re learning now, two boys who think they should get hurt to love and be loved. 

[thran-duils]

Lost in Zero Gravity (P.22)

Title: Lost In Zero Gravity (Part Twenty Two) Summary:  Fem!Reader x Mob Boss!Tony Stark x Mob Boss!Steve Rogers.  Reader is a call girl who runs high end parties. She catches the attention of Tony Stark who invites her back to his room with his friend. She might have performed too well because she becomes their new favorite play toy and they don’t like to share. Words: 2,519 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, prostitution, infidelity, angst, domestic violence, stalking, possessive behavior, drug use

Part Twenty One || Part Twenty Three || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Sullen, you walked out of the bathroom. Luna had started scratching, luring you out of the bathroom, and she bolted in past you towards her litter box. You had been in the bathroom for almost a half hour, crying over the test you had been clenching in your hands. You had eventually tossed it into the waste bin, closing the lid so you did not have to look at it anymore. But it did not erase the fact you knew you were pregnant.

The apartment was quiet and you wondered if you were alone but coming out of the hall, you saw the balcony door was open, the curtains moving gently in the breeze. Tony was sitting out on the balcony in one of the new patio chairs that had been bought for the new space. He heard you shuffle in and turned his head. His hand was gripping the short glass tightly — almost empty of the amber liquid. The bottle was sitting next to him on the small table.

You stopped in the doorframe and his eyes ran over you, remorse in his expression.

“I’d offer you some but...” Tony said, stiffly holding his glass up briefly, trying to joke but it fell flat under the weight of the situation.

Tossing your hands out defeated, you asked tearfully, “How… why would he…”

“What do you want to do?” Tony asked, sincerely.

He sounded genuine, like he meant it that he wanted your opinion. The first time he had ever asked you to have control over a choice had to be this.

“I don’t know,” you told him, sniffling. Wiping at your eyes, you asked, “Have you spoken to him?”

Tony let out a wry laugh and said, “’Spoken’ would be a very loose term.” He saw you were looking at him expectantly and he offered, “I saw him last week. The same day you got moved. We fought. Badly. I actually suited up.” Your eyes widened. “I can’t take him hand to hand without it. I provoked him though so what else should I have expected?”

“What do you mean ‘provoked’?”

“I was furious about what he’d done and I made some snide remark about how he never seems to be able to be sure he’s the dad. It was… warranted but it wasn’t helpful. In hindsight, I mean.”

“So, you haven’t told him that I’m pregnant. That’s what I’m asking.”

“No,” Tony said quickly, his eyes stern, locked with yours. “No. I am not going to do that. You think he’s been bad? If he found out that, I don’t want to think about what lengths he would go to. I can tell you exactly what I think you should do and that’s making an appointment, terminating, and not telling him about it at all. But… what do you want?”

He watched you intently and you finally said, “I need some time.”

It looked like that was not what he wanted to hear but he said nothing, just taking another drink, finishing off his scotch. His phone buzzed and he looked over lazily. He rolled his eyes and opened up the bottle again.

Knowing the answer before you even asked, “Steve?”

“Mhmm,” Tony answered, pouring himself another small glass. He twisted the cap back on and picked up his glass. “He must have visited the apartment and realized you’re not there. I’m surprised he waited a whole week with how angry he was when I saw him last.”

“I suppose I should just go turn my phone off because I don’t want him blowing me up,” you muttered, turning and walking back into the apartment.

<><><>

You had taken the day to figure out what you thought was best and even if it still felt a little rash, you felt confident that you could get the upper hand. Closing the bedroom door, you went and sat on the edge of your bed. Tony was working on his laptop in the kitchen with his headphones in. There was little risk he was going to overhear the conversation you were about to have.

“Where are you?” Steve answered tightly.

“Good morning to you too,” you replied coolly. “I think you know why I’m calling.”

“I have an idea. Look, Y/N. I can get that you feel a little shook up by what happened but—"

You interjected forcibly, “Why did you do it?”

He hated being interrupted, especially by you. And you heard it in his rigid tone, “Do what? Take you on the mission? Not tell you beforehand. You’re going to have to be clearer.”

At least he was aware he had fucked up multiple times. But he was not talking about his most egregious fault to date.

“My birth control. Why do you want me pregnant?”

It was quiet for a beat before Steve let out a scornful laugh. “Ah. So, Tony did say something. Bastard couldn’t keep it to himself.”

“Well, it does involve him pretty intimately!” you snapped. “You didn’t just fuck me over, you could have fucked him over too.”

Steve sounded a little breathless when he asked, “Are you...”

You detected an uptick in his voice; he sounded hopeful. And you wanted to sock him for it.

Not answering him directly, you inquired, “What if it’s yours? What then?” You could hear him breathing and you pressed when he did not answer quick enough, “What then, Steve?”

“If it’s mine and my wife’s isn’t mine, then I want it. I want my child.”

That is what you thought he was going to say and you played your card, “What do I get?”

Chuckling, Steve asked, “Bargaining, are you?”

“Seems I have the power to do so potentially. So, if it’s yours and you want it, I want you to buy me out. I don’t want to owe you anymore.”

“You talk to Tony about that?”

“I mean half Steve. The half you have invested. Don’t worry about Tony and I.”

“You still want to be with him,” Steve mused. He sounded dejected; you had wounded his ego and that was apparent. But what else did he expect with how he had treated you?

“Do you agree?” you asked ignoring what he said.

It sounded like it took everything in him to say the words; like he said it through gritted teeth. “Fine. I’ll pay you out.”

“And if it isn’t yours? Tony doesn’t want another kid. And I can’t get tested until nine weeks for paternity and it takes ten to fourteen days to get results. I would need an appointment made shortly after. To terminate, I mean.”

Steve was quick to answer, sounding sour. “Tony’s got connections.”

“You’ve got connections. This is your mess.” Steve was silent and you pressed, “I’m only going to agree if you agree to pay me out either way it lands. You owe me that. You betrayed me—“

Steve started to laugh, scornfully saying, “Betrayed. Do you hear your—“

You cut in forcibly, having a lot bigger confidence being on the phone and not having him tower over you, although you were shaking from nervousness still, “And you guarantee an appointment for termination if it’s Tony’s and not yours.”

“You might not even have to wait for the 9 weeks,” Steve said. “My wifes got an appointment in three days. I can order a test for her. If it’s mine, then you’re off the hook.”

‘Off the hook’, you thought to yourself angrily. Like it was a light thing you were discussing.

“If it’s yours, Steve, and I go through with this, I want it in writing. Legal. All of it.” You made yourself sound as threatening as you could.

“Man, you are learning very quickly. It’s impressive really. Where do you want me to send the document to?”

He was trying to be clever and figure out where you were. Get you to slip up in your emotions.

“Nice try. Tony doesn’t even know I’m calling you.”

“Hmm. He wants to keep you hidden away then. Classic Tony. He doesn’t like sharing; he was a spoiled, only child.”

“Or maybe he’s pissed at how you treated me,” you snapped, annoyed he was acting like Tony had done what he had out of left field.

“Right. Ticked off protective daddy. What do you think his endgame is? With you, I mean, dove.” The nickname made your skin crawl now. “Do you think he’s going to continuing pampering you? Forever? Tony gets bored quickly.”

You were not here to play mind games with him, and you were not going to rise to his bait. You were fighting one battle at a time, and he was yours right now.

“Look, I’ll talk to him,” you said, wanting to end the conversation. “You can give it to him at the facility.”

“Cause him and I seeing each other went so well last time,” Steve chuckled, and you knew he was referring to what Tony had told you about their physical altercation. “Fine. Work your magic on him. I doubt he’ll tell you no though cause he can’t deny you anything.” You gritted your teeth at his bitter tone. Steve tried another angle, “You really won’t even meet me in public?”

“No. One, because I know you’ll probably try to follow me and secondly, I don’t want to see you. Not after what you did at the docks and now this.”

Steve exhaled sharply and his tone made your skin crawl with apprehension at its ferociousness, “If you are carrying my child, Y/N, you need to see me. I will be around. I want—“

“You’ll want what? To have access to me?”

“You’re damn right. To check in.”

“I can take care of myself,” you said, fighting to keep your voice even.

“I don’t trust that!” Steve snapped. “You – or fucking Tony – won’t keep me away entirely. I won’t stand for it. I’ll be at the doctor appointments. I won’t budge on that, Y/N. I deserve to be there.”

You bit your cheeks, your mind racing. You had not anticipated him wanting to be around like that. You thought you could go through the pregnancy and give him the child at the end. It seemed he was not going to make it that easy.

“Y/N?”

“Fine. If it’s yours. Doctor appointments. But that’s it.”

“Good. Glad you fucking understand. I’ll be in touch,” Steve said tersely before hanging up without saying goodbye.

<><><>

Steve was fuming when he hung the phone up. She was getting mouthy, and he hated she was dangling it over his head like she was. He had planted the idea though, her paying off her debt. She had found a way to get him by the balls and he had to play the game.

He let out a shout, kicking the waste basket by his desk, sending it careening into the wall.

<><><>

Chewing your salad, you shot a look at Tony across the table. He was eating while he was working on a hologram. You had gotten off the phone with Steve and hour ago and made up a chicken salad for the pair of you. You had been quiet while Tony worked – he had a problem of stepping away when he was set on something – but you needed to confess because you needed him for this to work out.

You swallowed your bite and said bluntly, “I spoke with Steve.”

Tony stopped chewing and snapped his gaze up to you. He asked with a full mouth, “Excuse me?”

Twirling your fork around, you admitted, “I called him. He wasn’t here at the apartment. Obviously. You were here. You would have known if he was.”

He swallowed his food now, tossing his fork into the bowl, and then demanded, “Why?” He actually turned off the hologram. Apparently you could pry his attention away with the right motivator.

You met his eyes and said, “I wanted to hear it from him. Why he did it. And he told me...” you paused before saying, “And I wanted to know what my stakes are.”

“‘Stakes’?”

“Yeah. Like what if it is his? What happens? And what do I get for carrying it for him?”

Tony’s expression pulled a 180 from confused to irritated. “Y/N, you can’t think—“

“I can think, actually,” you cut in harshly. “Very well too sometimes. He’s gonna pay me out of his half of the contract he said if I carry to term. Regardless of if it’s his. If it’s yours, he’s gonna set up an appointment to terminate. I’ll be free of him either way.”

“Free of him...”

“I don’t want him touching me ever again.”

Tony relaxed if only for a second at your admission, but the moment was brief. Exasperated, he argued, “I fully heartedly understand that, love. Believe me, I do. But... you can’t expect him to keep his word. He wouldn’t do it for me and —"

“He will keep his word, but I need your help. He is going to get a legal document done up about it. All the terms, if it is his.” Tony looked shocked. “I would.... really appreciate it if you would grab it from him and also make sure it’s legit. I don’t want loopholes.”

Tony ground his teeth, looking pensive. “I’m gonna regret this.”

<><><>

“And the paternity test you ordered,” the doctor said, finishing listing off the things they would be going through during the appointment.

Cecile’s head snapped to Steve, who looked unperturbed. As he should since he had called the office himself to add it to the appointment. She was unnerved. “Paternity... Steve, you said you were waiting until after the baby is born!”

“I want it done now,” he returned dryly, meeting her eyes. She opened her mouth to protest, and he told her sharply. “This isn’t a discussion, Cecile.”

Cecile reluctantly closed her mouth, and the doctor went on, acting as if nothing had happened — he was on Steve’s payroll after all —, “It takes ten to fourteen days for results, Mr. Rogers. But I’ll make sure it’s done in ten for you.”

“I’m aware. And thank you for that,” Steve responded. He tossed a look at Cecile, finding her looking down at her stomach, gripping it possessively. He felt sick satisfaction seeing the worry etched in her features. He loved her so damn much and for the first time in a while, he felt like he had control over her again.

<><><>

You were sitting in one of the patio chairs, sunglasses on, relaxing in the early spring weather. It was still chilly, so you had a sweater on, but you were content.

Your phone drug you from your thoughts and you turned your head to look over at the small table beside your chair. Your stomach clenched seeing that Steve was calling. This was it. You shot a look back inside, seeing Tony snoozing on the couch with Luna. You got up quickly and closed the patio door before answering the phone with a quick hello.

“It’s not mine,” Steve greeted you.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

Fic tags: @icant-hangout-imdrumming @oceaniamaddness @multifandom-superlover @imsonick @holl2712 @here4thefanfics @agustdowney @fanofalltheficsx @buttercandy16 @last-saturday-night @woohoney

[5uptic]

hey fanfic spotlight again:)

arm candy by amsves (5up/Fundy, general rating, m/m | 300 words)

Summary: The first thing Fundy does after the stream ends is lean over and engulf 5up in his arms.

a chance encounter by mangoedges (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 450 words)

Summary: Who would have thought Apollo would find his soulmate now?

Desecration Smile by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: No summary.

She said to me, Oh Death / Come close my eyes by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve thought the words on his wrist were the coolest thing ever, but they just didn’t make sense. No, really; he even asked 5up–had called him in a possibly drunk state on his twentieth birthday, when a prickling sensation on his arm made him think that he was about to die, 5up, help, and was reminded drily that it was his soulmark, dumbass–and the best his smartest friend (self-proclaimed) could offer was, “Maybe your soulmate’s a poet?” Completely useless. Steve remembered hanging up on him, the click of his mobile cutting off his indignant exclamation. It was only the next day that he looked, properly looked, at his soulmark and tried to make sense of it. Nope. That didn’t work out either; he blamed the hangover. For the longest time ever, he just dismissed it as the universe fucking up. A slash in the middle of a phrase? Ridiculous.

why’d you only call me when you’re high? by LVTO (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: “I miss you,” Steve mumbles through the phone, and his voice has that soft, honest tone that it always does when he’s like this. 5up’s heart clenches. It’s these moments that keep him from leaving like he should’ve done four months ago, these soft-spoken truths that time and time again have him believing that maybe, maybe this time will be different. It never is. or 5up receives a phone call and ponders his life.

jealousy, jealousy by planetwitch (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: 5up and Fundy are best friends and have never crossed that line into something more. Until Fundy gets jealous at 5up's constant admiration for a certain 6 foot tall musician.

mimi's menagerie of the miraculous & the mundane by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a drabble for the word of the day, every day, for 100 days.

5up & Co. Throw Yarn at a Wall (and more) by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 1.3k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Hafu neither confirmed nor denied, instead snatching the half unraveled ball of yarn out of his hands forcefully, a cheshire grin finding its way onto her face. Before 5up could clearly decipher the situation, she flung it at him, smacking him directly in the center of his face. or 5up loves throwing yarn at walls, and everyone else quickly picks it up from him. But in different ways.

Inside My Mind by SilverSprinklez10 (5up/Apollo, Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.4k words)

Summary: Soulmates are usually a blessing.  But sometimes, a soulmate connection can feel like a curse.

(2021, 190 x 172 cm, oil on canvas) by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.9k words)

Summary: Nobody ever painted anything if they’ve never painted the way 5up closes his eyes when he laughs, how his slender fingers wrap around a new tube of paint, how his smile is all teeth and eye-crinkling. Cabanel’s Fallen Angel has curls, but they aren’t 5up’s, are they? Hyllas, in the nymphs, has fair and delicate hands but 5up’s are prettier, especially when he accidentally squirts paint everywhere and slams his palms on the table and goes “fuck!” Steve cackles until he can’t breathe.

Don't Take Me Tongue-Tied by AoDity, LovelyDayForIt (5up/Sleepy, 5up/Apollo, teen rating, m/m | 2.2k words)

Summary: "Sleepy found the ring by luck, something that matches his lover's graceful beauty that he could still afford. Twisted strands of thin silver with a little shimmering opal in the center, it was perfect." Aka: Sleepy's love for Five brought him heartache. If they try, there's still a chance the two could be happy.

implying that the ferris wheel's your body (and i'd really love admission to it) by homeward_bound (David/Hafu/Steve, mature rating, multi | 2.2k words)

Summary: Steve might be drunk out of his mind, but David's just really hot, okay? [or, steve propositions david, kind of. hafu and dumbdog bear witness to his lapse in judgement.]

mi casa es su casa by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.9k words)

Summary: Apollo's soulmate is cautious. Except, apparently, when it comes to coffee. Because, for the fifth time this week, Apollo wakes up to a burnt tongue. It's annoying. He can't really be mad though, because he has given his soulmate so much worse. The occasional burnt tongue is a meager act of penance, comparatively.

I love you too (I love you too) by some_spooky_shit_right_there (5up/Apollo/Steve, general rating, multi | 3.9k words)

Summary: Apollo comes into 5up's coffee shop. He always gets a cup of coffee and either a bagel or a croissant. He always seems tired, and he never comes in on weekends. Steve would really love to find out just who, exactly, he is.

i'm more fool than wise by 5fu (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 5.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steven Suptic is a brilliant crewmate - ask anyone. Okay so don't ask Janet. Or Dk. Or Koji. You know what, don't even ask - it's pretty obvious he is. But when new recruit and stunningly intelligent 5up boards the Crewfu, Steve isn't so sure he can compete. Not that he cares. Totally. Absolutely. On their mission to gather intel on Polus and find out what happened to the previous crew that disappeared from the planet three years earlier, Steve may realize that maybe he was indeed more fool than wise - and maybe it wasn't a bad thing.

i was praying that you and me might end up together by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 7.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Four years at Polus University. Four first weeks of school. Two strangers become two friends, and maybe even something more. Apollo hates being seen, hates having attention drawn to him, hates living in a world that feels like a game where everyone knows the rules except him. Steve thrives on attention, purposefully draws the gaze of everyone in the room, making his own rules as he floats through life. They're a match made in hell, but Apollo finds that when Steve looks at him, gives him nothing but attention, he doesn't mind being seen after all.

Long Journey Home by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 9.6k words)

Summary: Homesick and lonesome and I'm feeling kind of blue Feeling kind of blue, boys, feeling kind of blue Homesick and lonesome and I'm feeling kind of blue I'm on my long journey home

there’s so many ways to say “i love you” and i wouldn’t wanna waste ‘em (on someone who, don’t feel it too) by Dear_MaedaysUnwelcomedGhost (5up/Steve, 5up/Hafu, 5up/Ellum, 5up/Kimi, teen rating, multi | 13k words, chaptered)

Summary: Love was a strange thing, 5up found. It was everywhere. And not in the way it may seem. It wasn’t in the adverts of perfect couples with artificial lighting. It wasn’t in the glittery cards made by factories or the flowers sold at grocery stores. Not in the TV shows made to bring in cash and be thrown out, with couples who don’t have anything to hold onto but brief infatuation and physical attraction. But in the friendly smiles of strangers as they pass by. In a mother cutting fruit up for their child. Running a hand through the hair of your partner, as their eyes flutter close and to sleep. Helping a stranger pick up their dropped papers, asking for nothing in return. In the graffiti on the wall by the alleyway you walk by everyday to get to work. To the goods baked by small independent bakeries. Flowers planted in parks to make it just a little nicer, or the ones growing out of pavement cracks with determination.

Also!

GuardianPuppy‘s this city needs to be destroyed or at least painted in a different color collection.

spaded_ace’s Casino in the Sky collection.

5fu’s among all this pain collection.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 18: A Series of Ecological Disasters

Booting up ye old Yugioh, booting up a new aesthetic playlist to type to. (today’s playlist is webcore, which would feel like such a damn fake aesthetic, if it weren’t that every single one of these -core aesthetics are pretty damn fake and everyone knows it.)

Anyway, it’s been so long that, I’ll be honest, I thought I booted up the wrong episode:

I usually skip the anime intro, but I try to watch it once each arc, cuz the intros change, and this arc was like “screw it, here’s all the other villains, just pretend this arc isn’t happening.” They had Pegasus, they had Marik, they have Bakura (who is kind of in this shot as well, you can see him phasing in there.) And like...I guess they’re hiding the villain of this arc or something because that was it. Alexander the Great got just nixed from this villain list and that’s a shame.

Just a real weird choice, but since apparently this arc didn’t air in Japan they probably had to outsource this anime intro and whatever studio in charge of it just cobbled together stuff from every other season and then a couple of shots of capsule stuff.

Speaking of capsule stuff: get a load of how many freakin lines the animators have to deal with every time they draw Grandpa.

Bro saw this and was like “oh yeah, this is a Shonen Jump” and yeah. The hair does give those vibes. We got a good look at what Vegeta would look like if he really let himself go.

(read more under the cut)

Sorry, my playlist started playing a song where every single line of the song is “Adrien Brody” and it took me like a few minutes to realize I was listening to “Brodyquest” completely seriously.

Damn it, webcore, don’t betray me like this.

Anyway, this arc does something super surprising: Yugi actually hugs somebody and doesn’t look like he’s going to pass out standing up.

It is pretty fitting that the good Yugi hug would go to Grandpa.

And, as night falls, Joey Wheeler has gotten hungry, and there is nothing to eat but his new best friend and spirit animal, baby dragon. Unfortunately he shares life points with the dragon, and I think if you eat it that just instakills you.

And directly underneath him--since this world is like 100 feet wide and things just conveniently happen--Tea has told everyone that they needed to stop worrying about Joey. Which is a lot coming from Tea, because her worrying about Yugi/Yami getting hurt is most of what occupies her headspace in this series.

But even Tea was like, screw Joey, I guess.

Who kinda just falls directly into them upside down, and shows us what Joey’s hair looks like when it’s sticking straight up.

For reals, admire how long Joey Wheeler’s hair is. If Tea were upside down, she would have the same length of hair.

Also speaking of Vegeta, I am low key concerned that Joey has what appears to be a significant amount of male pattern balding going on for a teenager.

Apparently getting set on fire many, many times did have an effect on Joey, and this massive pompadour he wears is a combover. Poor baby.

Holy crap, if this is what card stress and getting killed multiple times did to Joey Wheeler, can you imagine what’s going on under Seto’s bangs? That’s probably why his bangs ride so low, Seto likely wears a freakin toupee.

Guys, Joey’s gonna lose his hair at 25 at this rate. Those locks just aren’t long for this world. Poor baby.

After Joey rejoins the party, he immediately eats all of their food. Not sure why they can’t just have Baby Dragon eat like...whatever Baby Dragon naturally eats...and then transform that into shared Joey Wheeler life points, but it’s not clear exactly how much of a life-connection they have with their Yugioh monsters. Not like it matters because Joey Wheeler is default starving all the time anyway.

Tristan has decided we should start laying blame, I guess because Duke Devlin isn’t here anymore to be the local kill joy. This doesn’t seem to be important at any point, and most of the characters are just ignoring Tristan because like...once you’re in the haunted game in a haunted tomb in a random part of India--it’s kind of moot to argue about who’s fault that is, youknow?

Joey reminds us that he found this quest item in a treasure chest under a secret waterfall. No one says “that was convenient that you landed there after getting chased through a ravine by man-eating birds after you got your dragon from when you got your crotch injury from getting spliced by that tree.”

Which is when Tea says “Wait! We haven’t had a plot thing happen in like 4 seconds! Wait!”

Hey what degree of “I don’t trust nature” do you have to be to assume that all the flowers are trying to eat you?

Like what level of anxiety is Tea where she not only is like “pretty sure the flowers are going to destroy us?” but also...she’s correct? Like she’s not wrong.

They set the dog flowers on fire, but unlike the Jungle Book this doesn’t solve any problems (which apparently got taken off the Disney+ kid’s menu so...yet again, I make a Disney reference in these recaps that future generations will not understand because so much of the Disney library has been banned from the vault. It’s almost like Disney should let go of that copyright they held on for like a hundred years, because what they’re holding on to is only going to get more racist with time. But nah. Gotta hold on with their greedy mickey mouse gloves.)

So instead of using fire, Tristan used his monster to electrocute the air (?) and blind the dogs. Wisely, the animators quickly jumped to this other scene so we wouldn’t have to analyze why it’s suddenly daytime or why that plan would even work.

Joey and Tristan do a lot of buddy buddy stuff this arc. Usually we see a lot of Joey and Yugi’s bottomless friendship, but we don’t get this much Tristan/Joey love. So shippers rejoice, these two seem to have several coordinated dances and songs...and I’d say that teens don’t typically do that, but I went to summer camp, there are situational places where teens will sing the entire vacation and make coordinated dances.

Weirdly, since Joey and Tristan share so much time together, this also means Tea and Yugi actually sit next to eachother for a lot of this arc, almost as if they were a couple. Mind you, they’re chaperoned closely by Grandpa, but youknow...that’s a different energy than I’m used to seeing.

That and like, they can’t have Tea dance with them because last time she did a dance, it was like a DDR fight and she elbowed some guy like it was a fisticuffs situation. Like there was some sort of dance war going on behind the scenes of Yugioh’s card war, and it came up once and I guess Tea resolved it and the dance fights haven’t come back since.

Overall, if they did a dance with Tea, they would get kneed in the face, so that’s probably why they insist on doing cancans as a duet and not a trio.

After Joey and Tristan freak out over having no food, Tea decides to just start eating in front of them.

and like...didn’t Joey eat that food yesterday? Like last night? The short term memory loss on all these fools.

Immediately after this we realize something weird in the water. That’s right, it’s a massive head.

Yugi seems to have forgotten they lit this turtle on fire and electrocuted the entire sky the night before. Not that it mattered.

There were like...nesting birds on those trees on that island. What the hell? They just killed so MANY of those man-eating dogs that are flowers.

Seriously are land turtles allowed to just...dive underwater for long periods of time? How does that ecosystem even work? It’s like...That’s wild to think about.

Inside the temple, they have to fight a genie or something.

In case you were wondering, the only reason Tea and Grandpa got iced is because they were the closest to the door. The two who were actually standing out of harms way were the closest to harm the whole time.

Bro tells me this is also what will happen to you if you are in the front or the back of the party while playing Cthulu D&D

Anyway, Pharaoh decides to disclose that his big problem of feeling guilty all the time and taking all the blame, which he did all of last season...is still a huge problem he will probably never tackle.

Straight up, don’t be fooled by my caps, everyone else has completely forgotten about Alex, who is still running around that temple up there. They haven’t even asked Grandpa “hey is this your protege? Is this your mentee you never told us about?” Nah. They already forgot. 

How wild is it that Pharaoh thinks this is all his fault when he was the only one who was like “YUGI IT’S A TRAP DON’T GO IN THE- well...OK I guess we’re doing this, fine.” Is he upset he didn’t take control from Yugi and walk back to the plane? Because that’s the only way he could even be partially responsible, He was the only guy who was like “I see the end from the beginning on this y’all, and it’s the massive pyramid in India.”

Speaking of forgetting, they came across this language Pharaoh has decided to have nothing to do with.

This was actually a riddle and it was like...it was a riddle, sure, I guess.

And so Joey Wheeler does not hallucinate his dead wife from a previous incarnation and get on the back of his Baby Dragon to sail away into the sunset. Instead they’re just gonna walk.

Too bad Tea’s orb covered in wings only seems to hover a bit. Every single wing on that weird orb is absolutely useless.

And then Pharaoh’s pokemon is just a fire--which is hard to sit on--and Celtic Guardian...who would allow it, sure, but probably doesn’t fly (I think. He might fly)

And then Tristan’s Pokemon kinda seems like if you sit on it, you will get electrocuted. It can probably fly though. It’s very round. Seems like an anime thing that the more round your mascot character is, the more likely it can at least bounce a good distance.

So, next time, I’m just going to assume that we are going to do even more camping. And youknow, if you told me exactly HOW MUCH CAMPING was in this card game show with super future tech, I would not have believed you. But like...a lot of this series is set in the woods right? Like a lot a lot? I have grown to appreciate the woods.

Anyway, as always, if you just got here, this is a link to read these in chrono order:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

See you next time!

[wildlyminiaturesandwich]

It’s time we talk about SimsDom again.

Most of you probably already know who and what Simsdom is but for those that don’t, Simsdom (or SimsDomination) claim to essentially be a CC finds website, which in essence I suppose they are... But don’t get your hopes up for a Lana replacement because they are SO much more than that. And not in a good way.

I know this is an old subject, and most people probably thought it was all over and done with, but Simsdom is still around and what’s worse is that I’ve noticed a growing trend among my fellow Game Changers who create content for Youtuber and Twitch/Mixer of promoting the site by using it to do CC shopping haul videos and streams, which is encouraging their viewers to use Simsdom. I’m not going to name names or point fingers but it made me realise that maybe some people don’t understand just how bad Simsdom is for the community in general, but especially for the amazingly dedicated CC creators of Simblr. And it’s just so disappointing to see people that some many in the community, including myself, look up to promoting this garbage site!

If you’re curious to know why this is a problem, I’ll explain under the cut. If not, keep scrolling... But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If you visit the Simsdom website (which I’ve purposely not provided a link to because you absolutely shouldn’t visit it) you’ll notice a whole bunch of custom content is available there, more than likely you’ll even find quite a bit from some of your faves like @peacemaker-ic​, @nolan-sims​, @storylegacysims​, @crypticsim​, @renorasims​, @savvysweet​ and MANY more. My stuff is even on there as well and if you’re a creator, the chances are high your stuff is too; whether you want it to be or not.

But don’t be fooled, myself and most of the other creators whose content appears on their site did not give permission for our content to be shared on there. In fact, most of us have specifically asked Simsdom to remove our content from their site. I say “most” because there are some people who willing uploading their content there (god knows why). The easiest way to the tell the difference is to look at who posted the content. If you see this:

That content has been shared by a bot, without the creator’s permission and more than likely against their many requests that Simsdom NOT share their content. If it says the name of the actual creator instead of “Exchange”, that creator uploaded it themselves.

You might also ask why anyone would care if their content was shared on a CC finds blog, after all, it means more traffic to our blogs and content, right? First of all, whether it brings in more traffic or not, is beside point. These creators have specifically requested Simsdom not share their content and they have been ignored, disrespected, threatened, and harassed. Simsdom claims that their users make up 30-90% of Tumblr creators traffic, but I call bullshit. I check my Google analytics every single month for traffic coming in to both my Tumblr and Blogger from Simsdom and I can tell you that LESS THAN 1% of the COMBINED TOTAL traffic from BOTH BLOGS comes from there. And when you understand how they operate, you’ll understand why that is.

- UPDATE -

In reference to Simsdom’s response to this post, they linked 5 creators that they claim meet their crazy statement that their site provides creators with 30-90% of their traffic. So I just thought I’d point out some interesting facts I noticed while looking at those sites.

One of those sites is dead; literally, it doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever even did. Another, @simiracle​, is a fellow Game Changer who reblogged this post, so I’m guessing they don’t have support there. And the other 3 are alpha CC creators, none of whom have ever uploaded any of their CC to Simdom, nor have they ever mentioned Simsdom on their sites in any way. However, all three earn money on their own content via either adfly, adsense, patreon, or some combination of the three; my guess would be they wouldn’t be too happy to find out Simsdom is making money off them too.

You see, Simsdom might sometimes link back to the original creators site, but often times they don’t. I’ve noticed quite a bit of the content of my own on their site directly links to the file on SimFileShare, completely bypassing both my Tumblr and my Blogger. This might not seem like a big problem, but what about if the creator has put specific instructions, requirements, or notes on the original download page that if the downloader doesn’t read could result in broken/unusable CC, or worse, a broken game?

- UPDATE -

In reference to Simsdom’s response to this post, they linked to SimFileShare’s page on SimilarWeb and claimed that I was lying about direct-linking to my files there because their site does not appear in the list of referring sites. What they failed to mention is that that list only shows the TOP 5 sites that link to SimFileShare regularly. There are still 385 other sites that aren’t shown and can’t be seen without having an account with SimilarWeb. Convenient, huh?

I also said they only direct-linked SOME content. With my content it was only about 4 or 5 things out of the 15 or so they have on their site and I didn’t check anyone else’s stuff but I have heard other creators say the same thing. So of course they’re not going to show up in the top 5 if it’s only SOME links.

But wait, there’s more.

Anyone downloading from their website without an adblocker is forced to wade through potentially harmful ads as well. Notice the blue button that says “download” at the top? That’s not a real download button and if you click it, it will instantly begin shoving pop ups in your face claiming you have a system error or that your local law enforcement agency has detected illegal activity from your IP. Yes, I clicked it. There is nothing of importance left on my HDD (it’s all stored safely on an external drive that isn’t connected to the PC at all) because this drive has been slowly dying for weeks and I’m destroying it tomorrow and replacing it with a brand new one, so I decided to take a chance.

These ads, which are on pretty much every page of Simsdom, are what’s called “Ransomware”, and it’s whole purpose is to distract you with fake pop up “warnings” when you click on it so that you don’t realise it’s actually downloading a very harmful file to your computer in the background. It’s designed to be next to impossible to close the pop ups, so that even if you somehow became aware of the download happening, you couldn’t get past the pop ups to stop it before it’s had time to finish downloading and automatically begin running it’s payload when it’s done.

What payload? That’s the scariest part, you won’t know until it’s too late. It could be something as simple as a trojan that will force your PC to mine bitcoins, which is still harmful because these mining trojans are resource hogs and put a massive strain on your CPU. Or a trojan designed to target and encrypt specific files on your computer (usually sensitive ones) and demand you pay a literal ransom (usually either in bitcoin or pre-paid cash) and if you don’t, your files will either be complete erased or leaked.

Or worse still, it could be something even more sinister such as a key-logger; a piece of spyware that is designed to track and log EVERY. SINGLE. KEY. you touch on your keyboard. So every password you use, every online banking key code you enter, all the conversations you have via Discord, Twitter, Tumblr, or any other form of instant messaging, that fanfiction you’ve been working on that you are too scared to show anyone in case they think you’re a pervert, your credit card and bank account number you use to shop online, what porn you look for, even your Google search history (regardless of if you’re incognito); all of it will be no longer private and in the hands of someone who could use it to steal your identity, empty out your bank accounts, charge thousands of dollars worth of goods to your credit card, or expose every little strange thing you do on your computer that you thought no one would ever find out about, unless you pay their ransom.

Scary huh?

Also notice that those Get Famous recolours I made don’t say that they actually require Get Famous? Why is that a problem, you say? For most people it’s not, you see “Get Famous Recolours” and you automatically know you need Get Famous to use them, but what about people who are new to using CC and don’t know that for my recolours to work you need the pack they came from? Yeh, that’s a problem, because that particular download is one of those ones that leads straight to SimFileShare:

It leads directly to the merged file, which is NOT the only file available for download in that set, just the largest. But no one who finds my content on Simsdom will ever know that will they? Nor will they read the part of the download page that clearly states Get Famous is required to use the recolours.

I hear you saying “But adblockers are a thing”. Yes they are, but that doesn’t solve the issue of them linking straight to the file. And also, here’s what happens when you try to download something from Simsdom with an adblocker enabled:

You’re forced to wait 180 seconds before the download button appears. THREE WHOLE MINUTES in which you cannot move from that page or the counter will stop, and it will only restart when you go back to that page and stay there for the entire three minutes. Even Adfly isn’t that gross.

So, all of that isn’t enough to discourage you from using this vile site you say? Well, let me introduce you to the person/people who run the site. There are plenty of examples floating around Tumblr of how disrespectful, arrogant, immature, and disturbing the owner/s are (just search for “Simsdom” and you’ll see) but here’s just a few posts showing “receipts” of what happened to creators when they ask for their content to be removed from the site: Here,  here, and here.

They have threatened to doxx several creators, tried to blackmail others, threatened to shut down some people’s sites, and even actually refused to remove people’s content unless they say “please”; as though these creators are six year old children who need to learn a lesson for not wanting THEIR content on someone else’s website!

All of this was said AFTER they made a post on their Tumblr saying they would respect creators wishes to not have their content on their site. I myself had a run-in with them as well but I don’t have the receipts because as soon as they finally agreed to remove my content (after almost 4 days of arguing with them and being threatened several times) they blocked me... and they continue to share my content to this day. That’s part of the reason why my motivation to create has been so low lately; I know its just going to end up over there, locked behind a paywall making money for these disgusting people and tricking simmers into thinking they have to pay to access my stuff.

But back to the story! Once they realised 99% of Tumblr creators — the people they get most of their content from — were going to ask to have their creations removed however, they changed their mind and instead started refusing to remove content. In fact, if you go to their website and use the contact form and choose the option “Remove my Content” they literally ask if you are Tumblr creator or not, and if you say you are, this is what you get:

And that “Our Rights here” link? That leads to this nonsense that literally contradicts itself with almost every single sentence:

“Creations can’t be uploaded without the creators permission... but we do not need permission to share your creations” “Feel free to contact us to ask to remove your content... but actually don’t bother contacting us asking to remove your content because we won’t” “SimsDomination is a free website... We don’t steal any content... *literally has other people’s free content locked behind a paywall and charges people membership fees to remove said paywall*”

And as for the EA terms part... I have news for you Simsdom, YOU are the only one breaking EA’s terms of use by putting content behind paywalls. I’m an EA Game Changer, I have actually read the terms of use AND spoken at length on the topics of earning revenue from CC, and why paywalls/memberships/exclusives are against EA’s terms of use with the Sim Gurus, have you? Didn’t think so.

If you had, you’d realise that we are allowed to earn revenue from our CC by having ads on our blogs/sites provided they aren’t deceptive — you know, like that ad with the big blue button you have that shows up on every single page of your site — and don’t lead to anything malicious, which yours do. I clicked several of the ads on your site and they all either lead to disgusting 18+ websites, started producing ransomware pop ups like I described earlier, or tried to download a mysterious file called setup.exe to my computer (which was most likely a trojan as well). We are also allowed to earn revenue via donations and Patreon early access systems provided the content is also made available for free to the general public within 14 days.

We are not, however, allowed to lock content behind Patreon exclusives, memberships and paywalls such as Adfly; which is exactly what you are doing. Like Adfly, you are not only potentially exposing underage children to 18+ content and risking the safety of people’s PCs, but you are also forcing them to wait to click a link and charging membership fees to avoid having to wait to download said content that isn’t even yours; content that you have been asked REPEATEDLY to remove. That is the very definition of a paywall. It is NOT the same as Pinterest or Facebook AT ALL, they might have ads but they aren’t malicious and they do not force people to wait to view content.

- UPDATE - 

In reference to Simsdom’s response to this post, this is probably one of my most favourite Simsdom lies, because it never changes but it’s so easy to prove false! “Users don’t need to pay to download any content and don’t need to wait to download them” Oh really? Shall we take a look at your site on the old SimilarWeb that you love so much?

How strange. If you don’t make people wait, then why do you need adfly? And if no one has to pay, then why do you need premium memberships to get rid of the ads and wait time you don’t have? Odd.

Also, lets talk Adsense. I never said I had a problem with you having ads on your site; I said I had a problem with the TYPE of ads on your site. If you seriously don’t think your ads are in any way harmful, I’d suggest you take another look at your Adsense, because either it’s been hacked or you seriously don’t know what you’re doing. Oh, but that’s right, “Google will never display suspicious ADs“... Mmm hmm, you just go right on believe that. Yeh, it’s definitely not possible for Google to be hacked... Nope, definitely not.

Also, if you use your Adsense revenue to pay for your site.... what happens to the extra? Because based on your SimilarWeb page I can take a rough guess at how much you earn every month through Adsense alone and there’s no way your site costs that much to run. For that matter, where does all the extra revenue from Adfly, Short.st and this mysterious “other” go? And all the revenue you get from your premium subscriptions that you totally don’t charge people money for?...

Is that fish I smell?

You are not doing anyone any favours here, so stop pretending that you’re in this for anything other than money. Stop sharing content you’ve been asked REPEATEDLY to remove/not share and breaking EA’s and many creators TOUs!

If you’ve managed to make it this far, congrats lol I know this has been long and probably boring but thank you for taking the time to read the whole thing. All this post was meant to do was explain why people should not support Simsdom, and why I’m so disappointed in other Game Changers for promoting it, but it kind of got away from me a little.

Oh well, now you know what Simsdom is and why I will NEVER support them or willingly allow my content to be shared on their site. And if you do decide to still use their site, just... please be careful. My content will always be free and safe to download, just like the majority or CC creators here on Tumblr. Don’t pay for something you can get for free from the original source.

Also, if you’re looking for a Lana replacement (aka a good CC finds blogs that isn’t shady af like Simsdom) check out @maxismatchccworld!

- UPDATE -

This isn’t in relation to anything specific, just the situation as a whole. It seems Simsdom has just removed the search box from their website completely:

I’m sure it was totally legit reasons and not at all because they didn’t want anyone searching for their own content on the Simsdom website. Just like it wasn’t for that reason the last time too...

[muwi-translates]

Collar x Malice キャラクターCD ミニドラマ 「二人きりの湯煙譚」

Collar x Malice Okazaki Kei Character CD Mini Drama - A Hot Bath for the Two of Us

Spoiler free. Just a note that I used a Chinese translation as my main source, and did some light cross-referencing from the original audio. There might be some inaccuracies.

**Please don’t move this translation or claim it as your own.**

Since we’ve started dating, we’ve gone on countless dates. But usually they’re nothing more than spending a few hours with each other between work, and even if we get days off, we can only get together and laze around at home. She often says that it’s unhealthy for her. Even though it’s fun and soothing to just be able to spend time with her, it might be good to go on a proper date like lovers would. 

Even I want to see her make all sorts of expressions, and I want to keep this girl that only I know all to myself. That’s why I went and asked Yoshinari-kun for advice without expecting much. And then-- 

---

Ah, come look at this! They’re real open-air baths! So we’ll be able to get in whenever we want when we stay in this inn~ Since we’re already here, won’t do we go in right now? 

Yup, together.

Eh? Do you really not want to? It’s true that there are different types of baths in the public area, but aren’t men and women separated?

I want to bathe with you. 

Haha, your face is all red. Oh, you really are so cute. When I see you all shy like this, it’s unbearable for me in every sense. 

Ah, why did you move so far away? I’m sorry, is it because I said it in a weird way? Then I won’t say it in such a roundabout way. I’ll say it more directly-- [she covers his mouth]

You’re so mean. It’ll be too late to wait for your approval, plus I just wanted to express my own opinions.

I’ve been looking forward to a hot spring trip with you for soooo long. It’s my first time going on a two-person trip, so I can’t help it if I feel a little excited about it. Aren’t you the same? 

That’s good. So you were also looking forward to it? 

Right, it wasn’t easy to find time for a vacation, it would be too wasteful if you didn’t do things you normally don’t do. 

So let’s go into the bath together? 

[Grabs hand] Well, it’s useless if you want to run. It’s just the two of us, so it doesn’t really matter. Since we’ve come out on a trip, we should make some memories, right? 

Ah… is it okay to? I suggested it but I didn’t expect you to agree so easily. 

You want to make some special memories as well? 

That makes me so happy. Thank you. Well, come over when you’re ready. 

---

Ah! You’re finally here! I was just thinking about how lonely I felt just sitting here waiting for you. Come here quickly~ you’ll catch a cold. Okay, okay, I’ll behave and turn my back to you. 

Are you ready? But, ah, we’re already lovers by now, so I’ve already seen a lot of you--[splash]

 Sorry, sorry! Don’t get mad, hehe. 

Haaa… it’s a little cramped but it’s comfortable. Besides, this is a turbid bath [1], so you wouldn’t be as embarrassed once you used it, right? 

It’s good that you’re able to enjoy it.

But… why are you sitting so far away from me? I can’t see anything below your neck anyway so you can come closer to me.

Hm… if you won’t come over then I will. Hey, don’t run off. Are you really that embarrassed?

Look, you can’t escape anymore~

Hehe, it feels like I’m doing something bad. But you’re the one who decided to come here, right? I know I’m stubborn, but I’m really happy you’re willing to listen to my selfish requests. But if I tease you too much then it’ll be annoying, so I’ll be patient from now on.

Your hair looks really fresh done like that, it makes you look more mature than usual. You can only discover new things like this when you travel. 

Eh? Don’t stare at me like that? That’s impossible, since you’re so cute~

It almost hurts to look at you.

Hey, can I touch you just a little?

No?

I’m not teasing you, it’s a sincere request. I won’t do anything strange… probably.

I won’t touch you then, how about you come and touch me? Here. You can touch anywhere you like.

You didn’t have to decline like that. 

Aa~ah, I was so lonely being only one playing around. We're both busy at work, so it's hard to get a chance to travel like this, right? I feel like you’re farther away from me than usual when you’re relaxing at home. I don’t get enough of you at all.

Hm--!! Ouch… why did you pinch my cheeks? 

Because I said you could touch me?

Haha, you listened to one of my selfish requests again.

I know, I’m sorry. The tension’s different when you’re staying at home and when you’re going out. Even if it’s the same for me, my heart starts pounding fast when I’m in a different environment than usual. I’m not lying, that’s why I’m excited. Even more than usual, I can’t keep down the feeling of how much I like you.

Hm? Your face is all red, are you okay?

It’s because I said something weird? Really? It was all stuff I actually feel though. That I like you, and how I think you’re so cute, and how much I want to touch you too. 

Okay, okay! Calm down. If you get too rowdy then I’ll see everything~

[Laughs] 

You’re all frozen up.

Alright, I won’t tease you anymore. 

Being next you like this makes me feel warm but, at the same time I think this isn’t enough.

I want to be able to see your happy face, and I want you to worry about me sometimes. I don’t think you’ll be bothered too much by me though.

Don’t say it yourself? That’s true.

I’m glad I was able to take a bath with you. You wouldn’t do this with other people, right? It makes me happy knowing that this is just something special between you and me. Since I want you to spend more time with just me.

---

Haah, it’s getting warm, should we get out soon?

Yup, I’m turning around.

It’s dinner time soon, right? It looks like they’ll bring it up to our room, how about we play some playing card games-- what was that just now? Hey, are you okay?

Sorry, I know you said I can’t look, but this is an emergency so forgive me.

---

Ah, are you awake? That’s good. I think you soaked for too long. Are you feeling any dizziness or nausea? I brought some water back, do you want some?

Ah, don’t push yourself, I’ll help you.

I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I was the one who invited you in. I was so caught up in the mood that I didn’t notice your complexion. I’m such an idiot.

You know, from time to time, I think about how I won’t forgive anyone who hurts you, or how I said I’ll protect you from anything. But because of how much I want you and my own selfishness, am I going to be the one who’ll hurt you the most in the future?

Ouch-- “don’t decide that on your own”? It was your choice to stay with me? 

You’re so… you’re too kind. Are you… mad? 

Eh? You’re happy? Really?

But… I’ll reflect on myself properly.

I’m glad, that you can smile at me.

Hm? You didn’t bother me at all. I just carried you over here, wiped you down, put on your yukata-- Eh? “Did I see”? Ah… yeah, I couldn’t dry you without looking, ah, but I quickly dressed you, so I only saw a little.

I was only thinking about how I needed to save you then, so it’s not like I had time to think of any weird things. 

It’s true! Haha, so this is what you’ll get mad at? So strange.

I know, I know, I’ll just pretend I didn’t see anything. Don’t get mad, okay?

Yes? Ah, it looks like dinner’s here. Are we eating now? Okay, I’ll let them prepare it. 

Coming! I’ll open the door now. 

---

Haaah, I’m so full… It looks like you’re feeling better, that’s good. But don’t push yourself. It’s still too early to sleep right now, why don’t we try karaoke or go to the games area?

What do I want to do? 

You already listened to my selfish request in the bath, so we should do something you want to do.

Haha, rather than say I’m being patient, it’s better to say that I’m reflecting on myself. I always said that we should have a proper date like a normal couple. Once in a while that’s-- oh? This isn’t like me? But…

… You want to… snuggle with me? Really?

Mm, even if you didn’t say it I can see it on your face. But, how do I say it… I feel guilty. Not just for letting you get overheated, but I worry you’ll get kidnapped by bad guys. 

Of course, that bad guy would be me. 

I think you have bad taste in men. 

Haha, we’re both bound to each other, huh?

Then I don’t have to hold back. 

I’ve been wanting to hold you like this.

You’re always looking after me. If this keeps going on, then I’ll become even more selfish. I was only looking towards the end not that long ago. For that to change, and for me to want you so much now surprised me too. I think you already know but, my heart is pretty narrow-minded. You look so cute in your yukata, I don’t want anyone else to see. It wasn’t easy to come here, but I kept thinking of these things. 

It’s because you’re mine. The only one who can keep you all to themselves is me. But, since this is a two person trip, if there’s anything you want to do, don’t just bear it and just tell me. What do you want to do? What do you want me to do for you?

You said it before? I want to hear it again. 

I really do want to make your wishes come true. So what kind of snuggling do you want to do?

I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. I’m yours too, after all. 

Alright, I should close my eyes, right?

Is this okay? Next is--

[Kiss]

You cut me off. 

Hey, is this all? Should I keep my eyes closed? I really want to see your face right now. I bet you’re making a really cute face.

If we’re taking turns, then it’s my turn next. Or, is it yours again? Any is fine with me. I’ll listen to any of your requests.

You’ll give me the honours? Are you sure you really want to?

You really are a kind, sly person.

[Kiss]

Since I have permission now, I won’t hold back. What I want now is to be connected to you more and more deeply. Can I?

Thank you.

I love you.

I’ll show you exactly how much I love you. So, show me how much you do too.

Not just tonight, but from now on until forever, no matter how many times it’ll take.

---

Translator’s note: [1] turbid bath - mineral-rich water that has a milky look.

[anthropologicalhands]

r/n - i've been working on my backwards walk / there's nowhere else for me to go / except back to you just one last time / say yes before i change my mind

As Rebecca tries to be sanguine about nearing forty, seeing it as a peak rather than a slide into decay (a Naomi-fostered distortion that has proven remarkably difficult to shake), one thing that has comforted Rebecca over the last decade is that with experience, she’s learned how to handle all matter of situations with grace, simply because she’s seen them before.

Revisiting this particular situation, however, is not what she expected.

It starts with an invitation delivered to Rebecca’s house to Hebby’s fifth grade graduation. There wouldn’t be anything strange about such a thing, even after she gets over the orange-and-turquoise astronaut theme (Hebby was going through a bit of a NASA phase), were it not for the fact the invitation was also addressed to Nathaniel.

Rebecca and Nathaniel, specifically.

Still frowning and trying to ignore the weird ringing that just went through her head at the jolt of seeing hers and Nathaniel’s names juxtaposed across a piece of lurid cardstock—like they’re a unit, or something—Rebecca credits herself with just pulling her phone out and calling Darryl directly instead of diving headfirst into a panic spiral.

“Rebecca!” Darryl’s voice booms from the other end of the line, and Rebecca can’t help the reflexive grin—Darryl’s unflagging enthusiasm while raising four daughters remains nothing short than a scientific marvel. “What a surprise. How is my favorite pretzel singer?”

“Hey, Darryl. Quick question for you. I got your card—”

“Isn’t it great? Hebby picked out the colors specially.”

“I’ll bet she did. But that’s not why I was calling, actually. I was wondering if, perchance, you might have had a shortage of such eye-popping invitations?”

“What do you mean?”

“My invitation was addressed to me and Nathaniel, which, I can definitely send him the deets, no problem, but wouldn’t an email be easier?”

“Oh?” She can hear Darryl’s mustache frown from the other end of the phone. “You mean you and Nathaniel aren’t…”

“Well, he doesn’t live here,” snaps Rebecca, a little flustered. “Why would you think that? Why did you think—did he—”

“Hang on,” says Darryl, and she can hear him calling for April, leaving her stuttered rejection hanging.

Are her and Nathaniel—

How is that even a question anymore?

It’s been a decade, and everyone involved with that event has definitively moved forward with their lives. Her and Josh were a definitive ‘no’ from that fateful Valentine’s Day onwards, remaining dear friends instead, and she was very much the ‘cool aunt’ among his own children. Her and Greg had wavered briefly for a bit afterwards, ran into some seriously uncomfortable friction, and it took them the better part of two years to find a good balance. It probably helped that she accidentally connected him to the woman who would become his wife, but that was a story for another day.

And it was a similar story with Nathaniel. He went to Guatemala for two years, came back and split his time between helping at MountainTop and working with some volunteer legal capacity with the local zoos and her and him—

Ah. Well.

Okay, so it wasn’t quite as clearly defined with Nathaniel, beyond the general fact that she wanted him to be happy, and he wanted her to be happy, and generally their relationship since his return had been checking in on each other, making fun of their weird hobbies and still showing up to events that were important to each other. It was all very adult and friendly and open. Their friendship had appropriate limits and boundaries and they supported each other in the respective relationships they had tried over the years, and it was very platonic…

Well. Except when it wasn’t. There hadn’t been a repeat of the Mona incident ever, and Rebecca could honestly say that she really liked a couple of the long-term girlfriends he’d introduced to them since then, and was genuinely regretful when those relationships ended. Especially for Sylvia, the LA Zoo curator who had to move for her career. Not that the regret wasn’t complicated by other factors, like when Nathaniel had admitted privately to Rebecca later that as much as he liked Sylvia, he just couldn’t see himself leaving California again.

She didn’t get butterflies at that, exactly, because but there had been a comfort in knowing that Nathaniel was content to remain in her orbit.

Again, not entirely uncomplicated. But it was nothing beyond the usual messy spectrum of human emotion internally, and never acted on externally.

She’s dated on and off as suited her libido and her schedule and her desire to find a life partner. She’s had relationships that got serious enough to talk about the future on and off, but they’ve all ended too for reasons inherent to those dynamics themselves. Nathaniel had been a good friend while they were going on, and a shoulder to cry on after, and well, okay, they might have fallen back into bed together a few times over the years, but they never pretended that it was either more than it was or that it was some forbidden thing that wouldn’t happen again. It was what it was.

Well. And they hung out, sometimes. And occasionally were each other’s plus-ones to public events. And friends’ weddings. And quite possibly—

Hm.

It really, really doesn’t help her case that she’s going to see him tonight, either.

“Rebecca?” Darryl tears her out of her thoughts. “Sorry about that! I think there was just a mistake at the stationary shop and they put your cards in together. What are the odds? I might need to call the other parents on the list, just to make sure that they got theirs all right. Could you take that one to Nathaniel? I don’t know if it’s out of your way—”

“Not at all!” says Rebecca, smiling with all of her teeth even though Darryl can’t see her, her cheeks aching. “Not even remotely.”

“Good,” says Darryl, and she can hear him beaming from the other side of the line.

~

“So, a funny thing happened on the way to your apartment…”

“That’s ominous,” comments Nathaniel, taking the bag of groceries she shoves at him without complaint as he closes the door behind her. Rebecca kicks off her shoes and toes them out of the walkway, abiding by Nathaniel’s still oft-repeated entreaties to not leave her personal belongings strewn entirely across his apartment.

“It’s not ominous so much as luminous,” says Rebecca, reaching into her purse and withdrawing Hebby’s invitation with a little flourish of the wrist. “Well, fluorescent.”

“Oh my god.”

Nathaniel accepts the card and flicks it open, scanning through the cheerful, only slightly grammatically incorrect message, and cannot quite suppress an amused huff of laughter. Rebecca hides her own smile as she turns away to set her purse on the very useful hook Nathaniel installed for her own use. Like herself, Nathaniel has a soft spot for Hebby, despite his continued awkwardness around children.

“Right? She gets that from Darryl for sure.”

“I don’t know, I remember someone showing up in some pink and purple eyesore into a law firm the very first day I met her.”

“You just didn’t know fun when you saw it,” says Rebecca instead, perching on the edge of the couch. “But it was funny. I was worried for a second that he thought that we were a couple or something. How weird is that?”

She is completely, totally casual in her delivery of that line, she knows. A decade in community theater and singing gigs have certainly finetuned her ability to turn a phrase, if nothing else. But something must be slightly offkey, because Nathaniel snaps up from marveling at the card to eye her suspiciously.

“Very weird,” he says, after a slightly-too-long pause. “Do we seem like a couple? Why would we seem like a couple when we aren’t a couple?”

“That’s exactly what I thought!” She punches him companionably on the arm; apparently too hard, if the way he winces and rubs at his bicep is any consideration.

(She’s been taking workout classes with Valencia—she deserves something for all that pain.)

“But it’s probably nothing,” she adds, determined to address this weird little misstep directly, because they are both too old to be having any kinds of weird misunderstandings anymore. “We’re close. We have our own rhythm, our own special two step. No wonder Darryl got confused.”

“He’s getting old,” says Nathaniel.

“Dude, c’mon.”

“What? It’s true.”

“What about you, Mister Gray?” Rebecca challenges. Nathaniel pulls a face in response, clearly fighting the urge to brush his hand through the aforementioned silvering at his temples.

(He wasn’t quite vain enough to dye his hair yet, though Rebecca credits his restraint to the fact that she would never let him hear the end of it.)

“It’s just a couple of hairs,” he says inconsequentially, as though it hasn’t been long established that between the two of them, he’s the one with the greater fear of aging, and therefore in far more danger of aging gracelessly.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Rebecca hops off the couch and grabs him by the elbow. “Now c’mon, let’s make sure make these sweet potatoes are not oh-sweet-pies-don’t!”

~

Heading over to Nathaniel’s place had left Rebecca feeling on edge, not quite sure how to process the idea of someone, anyone, considering her and Nathaniel as a potential couple this late in the game.

Nothing is more grounding, however, than seeing Nathaniel being clearly so off kilter, missing steps in what should be a well-worn dance of theirs by now. Dancing has always been their thing—where they once threw each other off at every possible moment, shaking up their convictions about life and happiness and how that concept could exist within their previously compartmentalized existences. Now, they were familiar with each other. Comfortable. Predictable.

They knew each other’s moves now, which means that she could see Nathaniel’s as clear as water.

He’s unfocused during dinner, a little erratic in his answers, jittery, as if he’s had too much coffee. It’s putting her off her rhythm, and while she knows that not everything in life needs to be a big song and dance production, there does need to be some kind of continuity.

This evening was supposed to be easygoing and relaxing. And, yes, probably beneficial in that very particular friends-with-benefits way. But since that clearly wasn’t going to happen, they needed to execute a sharp left turn and get this all settled.

“Nathaniel?” she repeats, for the third time.

“Hm?”

“Are you getting hard of hearing in your old age?” He scowls deeply at her in response. “Yeah, yeah, I had to ask. So, what’s bugging you?”

He’s silent for a long minute. “Just something ridiculous.”

“Yeah?”

He shakes his head. “We don’t need to go through it again. It’s just spinning in circles around the same old subject.”

“Try a jazz square then.”

That startles a laugh out of him, much to Rebecca’s satisfaction. Good to know that she still has some capacity for surprise with him. She continues, “You know that move, right? Don’t tell me you forgot about Connie.”

“Are you kidding? I still have nightmares about her scarf strangling me to death.”

“Dark.”

“She was terrifying.”

“Yeah.” They sit in companionable silence. Then Nathaniel sighs.

“Sorry I’m being weird. I just…hearing that from you, I always thought it would just be a good laugh. You know, ridiculous to even think about romance again. But it made me feel weird instead, so now I’m acting slightly weird.”

“I wouldn’t say slightly,” teases Rebecca, unable to resist. Nathaniel doesn’t return her smile.

“Rebecca, I like where we are. I like that our relationship isn’t a big production anymore.”

“Don’t get me wrong—I love drama on the stage, but that’s definitely where it should stay.” She drums her fingers on her thigh, subconsciously tapping out a tune that’s been giving her trouble these last few weeks. “We can learn new steps, you know. Old dogs, new tricks? That doesn’t only apply to the bedroom.”

Nathaniel (again, predictably) groans.

“Aren’t you getting too old to have such a dirty mind?” But he’s smiling, now.

“Nah. I fully intend to be a filthy old woman. But seriously,” she adds, moving to sit besides him on the couch. “If just the thought of other people thinking that we’re a couple again is enough to send us both off balance, we need to center ourselves. Maybe it’s something worth talking about. What do you say?”

She reaches out and grabs his hand, and starts to tap a rhythm against his large palm—one of the first she ever composed, the first one her friends ever danced to. After a moment, he taps back, completing it.

“Yes.”

[littlepikmins]

It's the delta rune anon again! Hope you have been well! I was wondering if you have theories about Ralsei and their connection to Asriel?

Hi friend! Thank you, I’m doing pretty good! I hope you are doing good as well! There’s not too much to go off of right now but I do have some speculative ideas on Ralsei and Asriel’s connection.

My brother pointed out to me that in Ralsei’s unused manual images he dedicates the book to the “unending pillar of darkness that gives my body form.”

This made me think that since he says the pillar of darkness, or the Fountain of Darkness, gave him form that he was literally created from it and given the task to help the heroes. He’d be similar to Fi from Skyward Sword who was created by the Goddess solely to assist the hero. The Fountain may have created him for the sole purpose of keeping the darkness and light in balance and to guide the hero and warrior on their journey to complete the legend. This could explain why he doesn’t have any citizens in his kingdom and also adds more reason to why he is so dedicated to being friends with Kris and assisting them in anyway he can.

All Darkners owe the existence of their world to the Fountains since they are said to give their world form, but in particular Ralsei is the only character that directly references it giving his body form if I remember correctly. Also in the unused classroom once you leave the Dark World there are playing cards and a doll that looks like Seam, so it appears other characters do have forms in the Light World (though they’re all objects rather than living) unlike Ralsei who’s closest counterpart would be Asriel who isn’t around at all.

I think it’s possible the Fountains relationship to him might explain why he looks like Asriel in a couple ways. If the Fountain of Darkness did give him form like how it appears to have given the objects in the classroom their own existence in a parallel dimension, it may have also given him his appearance.

This can be interpreted in two ways. The less complex interpretation is that the fountain gave Ralsei the form of Asriel based on someone who is close to the Hero, or Kris. The Dark Fountains do appear to have an impact on both worlds after all and may also be able to take pieces from the Light World and give them another existence in the Dark World.

The more complex interpretation is that if the Dark World was really created by Gaster via the Darkness Totems in the CORE, Gaster himself may have created or gained access to the Dark World, and initially planned to use it to give the monsters in Undertale another home besides the underground.

Thus he altered this world to create an empty kingdom for them to escape to and may have even created another Asriel, calling him Ralsei, to inherit that kingdom. If this is the case he probably did this to give Toriel and Asgore another son after Asriel’s death.

So uh yeah those are my thoughts so far heh. Sorry if that was a bit confusing, feel free to send me any question for clarifications or anymore questions in general! Thanks again for another great question about the game anon! 😊

[afterthelastreset]

Rules Of One’s Soul Ch9 A Third Player

(Mak belongs to @wasted-church)

Normally when one was coddled like a child, they would cease to be treated such a way, but right now it felt nice being comforted by the much larger darkner. Even if it was like when he would have to hold Lancer and reassure him of anything. So for now, he wouldn't argue and just be content with the taller cat holding him in his lap like this. The peace and quiet of the sheap helped him to calm his usually overhyped mind, and the softness of the cat was really nice. The two were interrupted by the small pattering of feet and soon enough the small mammal, which he could now clearly see looked like some kind of bat thing from the looks of those weird wings. They held an apologetic look. "I can't find food, but I found these." They held up what looked like dark candy in their hands and offered them to the two. "I found better food." Seam sighed. "You couldn't find anything else other than that?" They shook their head. "And why not?"

"Jevil ate the rest this morning. Everthing except my candy stash. I'aspulled hin at hiding" Seam sighed before patting Rouxls on the back and asking. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to eat nothing but sweets would you?" Rouxls didn't answer but he did grumble and move slightly away from Mak making him chuckle. "I suppose not then." Mak shrugged before plopping themself onto the ground, dropping a few candies in the process, and stuffing their face with a few of them. Seam gave a dry chuckle before leaning back into the couch. Rouxls shifting to lean back into him a bit more which made Seam chuckle a bit. "W-Wouldst thou stoppeth that?" "Stop what? I'm doing nothing but relaxing...And taking care of you of course. Ahahaha." Rouxls narrowed his eyes. "That! S-Stop that I-infernal laughing! Tis nay funny!," he shouted voice cracking. Seam chuckled harder, making his body shake. Rouxls grumbled again and asking, "What doth thou findeth so funny?" "It's not often I find things amusing being a humble shopkeeper and all....But when someone overreacts like you do, I can't help but be amused." "Pardon me?! Overreacting tis nay something I do!" He finally pushed himself from against the taller cat and looked up to face this one eyed menace. He chuckled again at Rouxls already flustered and angry face. Making him flush more. "STOP THAT!!" His voice braking made Seam laugh harder and Rouxls gave a sputter of anger. The duke then tried to push himself from the larger darkner's grip only to have a paw gently wrap around his chest and pull him back to the warmth of the soft cotton. Making him give off a very undignified squeal. He could practically feel his face flush a deep purple as the cat continued to laugh at the now struggling, sputtering duke. His legs kicked out barely missing Mak's head by a couple inches, causing the poor stuffed bat to yelp and duck for cover. More candy scattering to the floor from their hold. Rouxls gave off another squeal when Seam finally managed to set him back securely within his iron-like grip. "Thou art to r-release me this instant! I-I shan't be treated l-like a prisoner b-by a commoner!!" "Funny, funny.~ I always assumed you were more, more of a bigger spoon.~" The sudden voice made Rouxls snap up immediately and give out a tiny squeak at the sudden appearance of the floating menace just a little ways from them. He immediately felt his pupils shrink and out of instinct, he leaned away from the smiling imp against Seam's chest. Jevil titled his head curiously, taking in the strange sight before him. Seam slowly cleared his throat gaining Jevil's attention. "Jevil. There's something I need to talk to you about-" "I don't suppose, suppose it has something to do with all this?" He gestured towards Seam who was still holding Rouxls but now in a somewhat more slightly protective way. The worm continued to stare directly at Jevil with a not fear but more of a panic in his eyes. This didn't go unnoticed by the imp when he looked back towards him. Fanged smile slightly fading. "...Did I miss, miss something?" "I would say so. But...I think it'd be better if Rouxls had a chance to get up and stretch his legs for a bit." Before anyone could respond Seam slowly began to sit up from the couch, moving his paws to hook under Rouxls's body. The worm gave a surprised noise when Seam moved him into the bridal position before standing up himself. Jevil tilted his head more and rose a brow as to question as to why Seam was holding HIS desired, but Seam gave him a look to say 'Not right now. Later.' Thankfully, Jevil backed off but didn't stray too far from the strange duo, as Seam turned towards the front of his sheap. He had to carefully step over Mak as they scrambled to pick up and eat the candies they spilt earlier from Rouxls's flailing like a fish caught in a net. Rouxl's making a comment about how unhealthy it was for a child to eat anything off the floor. Jevil followed close behind with the same questioning expression. "I can walk on mine own," Rouxls huffed while in Seam's arms, but it seemed the cat ignored his whining. Ounce they were in the front and away from the child, Seam set Rouxls down on his feet. The worn wobbled a bit, getting use back in his legs after sitting on practically a living cushion for the past hour or so, before regaining balance and standing up straight. Seam watched him for a moment before turning to Jevil who was of course staring at Rouxls with a sultry gaze. "Now what has happened to cause the duke, duke to stumble within your humble, humble home and become situated within your ....arms, arms?," he questioned Seam without really looking at him. Seam only answered with a hum before shifting his one eye back towards Rouxls who was busy straightening himself up, before looking over his shoulder at the two. "I...think I can explain. If the duke here doesn't mind me retelling what had happened-" "I simply p-passed out from static shock," Rouxls insisted crossing his arms over his chest like a pouting child, "A-And then I woketh up on thine filthy sofa where that....that thing-" "Mak." "Mak nearly frightened me to death! I shan't hear a-anymore of the matter!" He looked away with a cough, expecting neither to question his authority. ...He should've know by now. "I'm afraid that's not what happened. And you absolutely know it." Seam's answer silenced Rouxls into a blank stare. His button eye spun a few times before he looked back at the eager awaiting jester and sighed. Reaching up a paw to rub through the tuft of fur around his neck. "Don't know how to begin honestly...You might not like the news I bare." "Oh?" Jevil's smile became more strained as he narrowed his eyes slightly. The sight made Rouxls gulp and fail to suppress a shudder. "Hehe. I can't wait to hear the answer, the answer.~ Now what has happened, happened that would hender my mood..mood?" The old cat sighed before reaching up to rub his face. "Well...To be blunt?..... I believe your friend here-" He nodded towards the still duke. "-has a connection towards someone else. He didn't react too kindly to it I'm afraid ." Silence. Jevil blinked and his smile faded completely instantly. He stared at the cat for what seemed like forever before smiling again and giggling a little. Oh, what a joke. Seam's joking habits were still present after all these years. He looked back towards Seam with an expectancy to see him laugh at any moment when he saw through the joke....But he didn't. Instead Seam sighed again and reached a paw up to rub at his temple. What-? He quickly looked towards Rouxls, expecting a similar reaction, but the worm merely blinked that nervous look back at them. His form tense as they awaited the imp"s answer. They didnt wait too long because when Rouxls didnt answer Jevil swiveled his head back to Seam and laughed. "BWAHAHA!! Funny, funny. A good joke, joke to pull so close and so soon to such a wonderful holiday, holiday. You were always such a silly kidder Seam, Seam." Seam stared back and just sighed again. "No, Jevil. Im not kidding. This isn't a joke." Jevil's smile dropped again. His yellow eyes darted over to the still frozen worm who flinched as the yellow pinpricks studied his form. After a short while of just silent studying he again smiled but this time it seemed a little more strained. But only slightly. He chuckled. "Hehe. So a rival player has entered our game of hearts it seems." His tone made Rouxls shiver it held a almost happy aura but underneath was a slight displeasure. Jevil rubbed his clawed hands together and smiled sweetly at Seam. " And just who might this new player that has placed his heart card into, into our game?~ And so, so late too. I've nearly, nearly set down my deck, deck." Neither answered for a moment but Jevil wasn't stupid. He caught the nervous glance the two gave each other before back at him. Rouxls could practically feel the slimey sweat dripping down his face right now. Seam looked much calmer given the current situation but he did use to spend everyday with this lunatic. Surely he would figure out some way to turn this around and lesson the tense air between the three. The cat slowly rose a paw. "Me." Rouxls felt any sanity he had left shatter. Jevil gave a slightly surprised look and rose a brow at the cat's blunt answer. After a few more seconds he broke the silence. "You, you?" "Yep." He finally gave a calm smile. " Haha. To be honest I can't believe it much either. Could've sworn I wouldn't find mine let alone share one. " "Hahaha! Such a chaotic, chaotic dual fate has played against this!" the crazy idiot let off a series of giggles. The duke felt his mouth drop at the whole thing.......Did these two seriously not see how disastrous this was and how they obviously needed to find a solution to this?! Instead these two were talking like they were gambling with cards and he was like some grand prize to be handed over to the winner just like that! NO! He had quite enough of these shenanigans and all this ridiculous talks about how HE should feel and how these two were involved in his life. Quickly his nervous feeling was replaced by a anger and before his brain caught up to hid he shouted- "NO!!" Well the shout certainly caught the other two off guard. It certainly spooked him a bit. All three stood there facing each other and the child bat even stuck their head into the doorway at the sudden shout. Cheeks puffed out with what must' ve been the spilt candies. "....No what, what?" Well there was no going back now was there? Rouxls gave the most professional face he could muster and cleared his throat. "N-No! I will n-not be playing any of thou's 'games' any longer. T-They are not but foolish distractions that hast cost mineself valuable time with mine son and ....and am n-nay intetested in these l-love games!...M-Mine emotions are not a gambling table upon which you can play!" He straightened up his form and huffed. "Calleth me a coward to whom seest it fitting, but I amst forfeiting this playground of fantasies!" "Fantasy, fantasy?!....After what you said to me, me earlier?!" Jevil's face quickly became slightly annoyed. "You cannot, cannot just exit a game once you enter the gamble of life-" "Do you-" A paw quickly came between the two. And Seam turned to the steamed Duke. "-know how soul connections work?" Rouxls scoffed and waved a hand. "Of course. Tis the person whomever thou falleths in love with. Tis soulmate nonsense is beyond tiresome. " The two fell silent again as Seam lowered his paw and Jevil's annoyance left. Replaced with a blank expression. The two shared a silent look and as if reading each other's minds, came to the same understanding that reflected in their faces. Rouxls rose a questioning brow as too say, 'What's going on now?'. "That clears, clears the missing pieces of our puzzle, puzzle. Hehe." "What nonsense art thou mumbling now?" Jevil casually reached around and floated until he slung the arm around a slightly startled Rouxls. And giggled at his expression. "Silly, silly really.~ One cannot play a game they don't understand the rules, rules too. " Rouxls leaned his head away from the gave before reaching up a hand to push the giggling face away before giving Seam a questioning look. The old cat sighed before reaching up to rub his own face. "There's more to souls than just two people falling in love," he mumbled through his paw. "Likest what?" Instead of answering he gestured towards the back room again before turning around and shuffling towards the old room. The duke grumbled something but Jevil's giggles and nudges forward made him cave to the silent command to follow. Mak ducked their head back in as soon as Seam stepped into the doorway shortly followed by the duke and floating jester. And not too later the three were sat upon The couch....Well Rouxls and Jevil shared the couch. Seam was currently nicely seated in a random armchair he summoned up out of nowhere. When the three were somewhat comfortable the cat sighed. "Well then...How shall we start this?" "How about thee part where thou tellest me when this will be resolved?" "When you stop playing, playing the cruel act in the play?~" "Jevil. Please." He giggled and shrugged making him sigh and roll his eye. "Look. It's not an easy thing to explain. ...Even for someone who's seen it quite a couple times in my time. Hehe...But I can try to explain it at all." Rouxls hand a 'go on' motion with his hand and he continued. " Well...Your soul- how do I put this?- calls out to others almost constantly. Like a homing beacon. It just means you eventually find the person you're meant to be with. Mostly with a spark or reaction from each one's soul. And that's what usually people call soulmates." Rouxls blinked before slowly glancing over at Jevil who smiled widely at the worm monster. A....reaction of souls? He felt his ears dropped at the memory of his soul throbbing against his rib cage under Jevil's touch. The feeling of belonging strongly pulsing throughout his entire frame. And then the giant rush of adrenaline from shaking hands with Seam- "W-What a moment. How doth thou explain what hast happened earlier today? I refuse to believe tis was nothing more than static shock." Seam hummed. "Well....There has been rare cases of one having more than one attraction. Hehe. I guess you should count yourself lucky on that part." Rouxls just stared at the smiling cat before looking at Jevil who smiled wider with a purr of all things. "See, see?~ One cannot cheat the game of order, order and chaos- " Rouxls quickly stood up and away from the outstretched hand Jevil held out and gave a desperate look. "N-Now you stopeth that! I-I hath non intetest i-in being the target of thou's games! Doeth eithet of you think about mine say in thine matter?!" "Of course. It's a hard thing to understand at first, Im still trying to wrap these old patches around the idea. Hehe." "That tis nay what I meaneth and t-thou knows it!" Rouxls gave a side glance towards Jevil who giggled and held out his hand towards him. His hand held a pink glow and instantly his pupils shrank. Pink hearts shooting towards him. The day he held his emotions out to her- Rouxls squealed making everyone jump when the Duke held his arms out in a way one would do to shield themselves. The look in his eyes wild. "Nononononono!! No heart! No hearts!" The room went silent for a moment as the frozen jester floated there stunned and still gave that face when a bigger paw gently grabbed his outstretched hand to slowly lower it back down to his side. Seam pulled him back a few inches and gave a sigh before mumbling- "That's the thing I was hoping to talk to you about. But it seems I was a bit too late." A small stumble of footsteps caught their attention and Rouxls slowly backed away towards the doorway. Jevil perked up and reached out for him but yelped when the cat, with surprisingly good speed, latched onto the imp and pulled him back. Rouxls jumped startled and stumbled more. He fell over in the process and fell to the floor with a thud. Quickly picking himself up and scooting back. "I-.....I have my shop t-to t-t-tend to and. ...and. ...And other things!" "W-Wait, wait! I thought you said you didn't fear, fear me!" Nothing. "Rouxls?" The duke said nothing to the pleading yellow eyes and just scrambled out of that room away from the situation fully. "WAIT! COME BACK, BACK!" He pulled against the force holding him- "Jevil, stop! Let him go right now!" Seam's usually calm voice peirced his movements like a knife. "He needs some time to take this all in without you pushing your..uh..affection on him." The imp stopped but gave him a look that reminded him of a kicked puppy. Silence once again was the only speaker for them. Silently he unwrapped his paws from around his body and let him go limp in midair. After a moment the cat sighed and lowered his body back down into the armchair. He was really hoping to talk with Jevil about this before anything like this would happen. But too late I guess. Jevil was always one to just jump and express emotions whenever he felt like it, actually he was pretty predicable once you learnt his personality. But others often mistook his boldness and kept away from him. It would explain the Duke's weird reaction to him now. While Seam could see obvious signs of returning affection from Rouxls, his hesitance was strange. But now at least some peices were falling into place. Jevil stared at his old friend and asked in a voice not suited for him- "Is he....scared, scared of me? Did I do something, something wrong?" One look at the jesters fallen face made him sigh." No. No you didn't. But I was hoping to warn you of our dear friend"s fear of showing emotion." ".....He's afraid of my desire, desire?" "Not exactly..." He scratched his cheek in thought. How should he approuch this? "More so like he"s....erm...Confused and overwhelmed at the amount of attention hes getting right now most likely. You did say he suffered from insomnia?" "Nosleepitis. Yes, yes! And very stick in the mud, mud syndrome." "Well...hehe. I think maybe you should give him a little more space to get used to you." He chuckled. " You might spook him away with your desire flung at him every few seconds." Jevils ears twitched and the imp hummed before leaning forward a little. " Is that a hint of challenge I hear, hear. Old friend?~" Seam chuckled and narrowed his eye slightly. "You know I long since retired from those games. But....Perhaps I have some last few tricks up my sleaves....And its not very often I find someone who nakes me laugh with glee." The smile was back. "BWAHAHA! Are you sure, sure you're ready for me to deal you in, into this game of ours?~ Once you enter, you have to play or risk, risk forfeiting? ~" "Haha. I think this would bring some fun back into my life. Or not. Who knows unless you try? Hehe. And the prize might be worth the wait. " "HAHAHAHA! SEAM, SEAM!! JUST LIKE OLD, OLD TIMES!!" He latched onto his sides and curled into a ball giggling mad. "CHAOS, CHAOS!! FUN, FUN!! A GAME OF SUSPENSE, LOVE, FRIENDS- BETTER THAN A SIMPLE NUMBERS GAME!!" Seam smiled at the proposition. "Well then. May I have permission to be dealt into this game of yours old friend?" He held out his paw. Jevil rubbef his chin clear excitement in his eyes. "Are you certain?~ I have ways, ways of getting my desired checkmate in this event, event?" Seam gave an equally excited look. " Don't be fooled. I just might have a full house to throw down." With a smile. The two crazy fools shook hands. " Hehehe. I look forward to our dance, dance."

[robiness]

some waffling about rwby7 themes (spoilers)

im just rambling here a lot bc im too lazy/sad to get sources to put together another theory. this stuff might matter, might not, who knows these days

enjoy!

themes i discuss: trust/love, truth, time

1.  trust + love, duh

“trust love” is the most obvious theme, with it being the opening song and all - presumably trying to tell us that things will turn around once the characters get their shit together

all our groups have lost trust in each other, and are playing into salem’s hands right? but it’s not really like there was ever complete trust between the groups

i mean, literally the only arguable instance of complete trust is shown by clover to ironwood (as much as i hate it) 

everyone else just vaguely tolerated each other & worked together while they had common goals (ties in with��“not friends” “just a job” mentality)

“i do believe in you, but not only you” oscar be slamming more than neo’s face out here

****”i wanted to trust you” sigh

2. in line with that, truth comes up as well

robyn hill’s semblance is quite interesting for a vigilante character, so im assuming it has a literary purpose for something other than ... two? scenes, only one of which she actually uses it 

robyn saying she wont stop until she gets “the whole truth”

team rwby withholding info (ruby from ironwood abt salem, bumblebee from ironwood abt telling robyn, weiss from anyone else abt the winter maiden (?), yang presumably from everyone abt the spring maiden)

ironwood withholding info from solitas until the tower was ready

oscar expresses discomfort about hiding stuff from ironwood

(so does yang but honestly she’s been kinda quiet this volume so idk)

the characters and the fandom have been fighting about who’s wrong here etc, but i think we’re focusing too much on the word “lying” (if someone HAS directly lied this volume, pls correct me) (oh wait ironwood said amity was ready) (well anyway that was around the time things were blowing up so ignoring that)

which interestingly connects to robyn’s line about “the whole truth”. the problem isn’t lies, it’s that nobody has complete information

lack of info made robyn hill suspect ironwood of selfishness, and so started her vigilantism 

lack of info caused jacques schnee to get the council on his side

lack of info also caused the qrow vs clover vs robyn conflict

we know how much lacking the info about watts + tyrian messed a LOT of stuff

+++ all the hiding i already mentioned above

and the solution now doesn’t lie (heh) with what they’re hiding from each other anymore, since by this time shit’s hitting all the fans and truth bombs are dropping left and right between them

right now, there’s probably something none of them know that will shift the tide

the opening again matches this idea with the line below - all the characters are blindsided somehow. they don’t have all the cards (stretch clover symbolism? dont care, blake n yang killed vine zeki anyway) so to speak

3. and most interesting to me, a lot of talk about needing time in this volume 

off the top of my head, variations of “we just need a little more time” is said by Ironwood during a meeting, Winter to Weiss, Yang/Blake to Robyn, Nora to Mantle 

“the timeline has changed” is said by cinder and ironwood both, on separate occasions

***suddenly i remembered penny’s line about preparing for “six possible outcomes”, and that’s a time travel trope if i’ve ever seen one

speaking of fair game - the whole problem with them last episode was that the possibility of any real relationship is abruptly cut off (again, “i wanted to trust you”, meaning it could have eventually happened but time was against them)

the opening song sets the concept of time up as something that will heal shattered hope, but there hasn’t been a point like that yet other than the qrow/clover cliffhanger

i mean unless it’s some lame “time will heal all wounds” schtick, but i doubt that lol

(im sure this has been extensively discussed by the oscar time travel semblance theory enthusiasts already but HEY hope y’all got something new)

CONCLUSION: 

idk hope or something lmao

other than that, literally none, i have nothing, and i’ve had nothing since qrow branwen shed his first tear so iT BETTER BE HOPE 

pls pls pls do share your thoughts if you took away something from this! i too need answers

im so tired of this game of emotions

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep12: Brand New Mokuba Just Dropped

My tumblr has decided that it can’t save drafts again. Which sure is a problem I keep having but no one else seems to have...but were back. Back and ready to talk about cards.

First off, lets address the best thing about this episode, it’s the return of The A Team animation team! Dunno if it’s the same ones that did the seasons before, but it is a pretty good team this episode, so there’s lots of that to look forward to. Everyone is now 2 feet taller (Kaiba is 4 feet taller) and there’s just some really nice shots going on. It’s not as shiny as other seasons, which makes me think it might be a different team or a different studio using a different method (you don’t really see them playing with line weights anymore which makes it seem like a different method to me) but still--it’s a nicer looking episode today.

So we start off this episode with Seto begging us all to forget the hell that just happened and just get on with it. Of course, no one’s gonna do that, because yo, what just happened was kind of weird.

And because there’s only like...I dunno...maybe 2 episodes left in this arc? (kind of a quick arc, honestly) Leon decides to do a complete personality reversal. Although, it’s really hard to do a reversal when you didn’t have a personality in the first place...so I guess this more Leon showing us A personality--and I’ll take it.

He’s a little jackass now, but it’s youknow...still Leon so it’s not really that bad. Like we deal with Seto on the reg, so I feel like Leon as a jackass is just like...well that’s just how you play cards in this universe.

Everyone speculates whether or not Seto actually did a crime, and a SURPRISING number of them said he did not! Weird! But hey...I’ve gone over a billion times before, their memory is like when you throw popcorn into the ocean--it just fffzt’s and then it’s gone.

Roland was THIS close to actually saving Kaiba corp a huge hassle for once. This Close, Roland. You almost did it.

(read more under the cut)

I love that Roland has decided to give all these teens maybe the uncoolest nicknames in the entire world, and the teens have not made any indication whether they do or do not appreciate their alliteration nicknames.

But despite the fact that although Roland uses these opportunities behind the microphone to embarrass them just SO MUCH, the Kaibas still persist in having him introduce most of the matches. It makes it feel like the Kaibas freakin love this. They love his Dad jokes. I cannot tell if they are like “yes, please embarrass my friends.” of it they’re like “yes. Roland that was so cool. Yeah Leaping Leon. Good one! You’re so cool!” Because they don’t know what fun is.

Also, look what I see in the sky.

Truly a sign that they have overcome their trauma of seasons 2-3.

Or maybe they had a lot of blimps laying around and this is a completely unrelated blimp? Either way, I’m glad they can still handle the sight of a blimp.

And then, just out of nowhere, Mokuba hit puberty.

Which I mean, it was inevitable. It was going to happen some day. Luckily, we will be getting a new Mokuba this episode to make up for the fact that this one has done A Flirt and it was probably a completely innocent turn of phrase he has no idea is a double entendre but do the writers know that?

And while we ruminate the decisions there, lets bask in the glory of purple staircase.

This is such a purple staircase!

On another, identical staircase walks Leon, who gets to have a discussion with Zigfried, who probably just stood next to the wall and just chameleon’ed in here without getting caught cuz coincidentally this staircase dresses like him.

Freakin Mai?

Anyway, lets start this duel where like...I dunno, it’s a little late to start stealing souls, but maybe Leon will do a stab? (He will not)

So glad the storyboarder is back to kind of flex. I don’t normally see Roland drawn with this much attention. Look at him go. That’s the stance a grown man takes when he’s ready to embarrass a bunch of teens.

Kaiba writes a speech introducing himself, or Roland just kinda made up a speech as if Kaiba hadn’t asked him to do that. Either way it’s kind of a big way to talk yourself up--but he is trying to talk up the theme park so people will actually like...go. So it makes sense.

Also what is this nonsense where people worldwide are watching a theme park opening match? Card culture is so weird because we’ve noticed in other seasons there are people that don’t play cards, and I feel like they’re not watching this for fun. It’s like when I watch news unfold--they’re watching to see if they have to raid the toilet paper aisle and the canned goods again to prepare for yet another onslaught of card nonsense.

Legit Mokuba was like “Look at my bro. Look at how he gave up dueling to throw this nice tourney for everyone!” and it’s like...Mokuba...he just dueled...Mokuba...he’s putting all the profits directly in your pockets this is hardly a martyr up here.

Seto Kaiba decided to inform the world that he would have won if he was actually playing and that was sure a statement he made after losing to Yugi like...3 times now? Several times.

Everyone else converses how Leon’s acting weird. I don’t know why they care all of a sudden, because no one acts normal playing this game, but the plot desires them to care.

Which is when we find out...

...the new Mokuba...

That’s right. He was a Mokuba the whole time. For once we haven’t abducted Mokuba, instead...we have too many Mokubas.

This Mokuba even has hella long hair, too. I imagine if Mokuba proper had a ponytail it would probably look just like this but black. It would have been just--so good if he whipped off that ribbon and shook out his hair and it fluffed into a horrible Mokuba mess, but you know, that’s one of the many reasons why I don’t write for this series. That and I was like in high School when this came out.

(Please admire Kaiba’s head of Security who looks like he’s about to drop a poop out of terror. It’s a really small detail, but I appreciate that the storyboarder had him kind of antsy in the background)

Seto insists that the only one to beat Yugi Muto will be himself and it’s like...I know. That’s why I keep expecting someone to get stabbed by this tiny purple haired Mokuba. But instead, Leon’s too busy feeling mad that he’s not necessarily playing the game for fun.

But he’s still playing the game though? so I feel like Yami doesn’t have many stones to throw here. Leon hasn’t even cheated yet. (As if Yami isn’t cheating basically all the time by being 2 people in one body)

I can’t BELIEVE this show would throw that at me after the number of times I have seen Yami Muto nearly murder other people (and sometimes literally do a murder) out of revenge. Yami is basically a revenge god...like...show...what? It’s season 5, I thought we’ve basically cemented this in. Occasionally the show will just be all “card games are supposed to be fun though!!!” and it’s like...these are the last children on Earth who are playing card games for fun.

If anything, it should be Leon lecturing them on how to have fun. They just murdered a Great Leviathan with cards. Before that they were dealing with Noah, with Marik, with Pegasus, with Bakura. The times that Yugi has just played a game for fun has been...This Arc.

So maybe Yami is just begging himself to have fun for once. Maybe he’s just mad that he can’t play a single tournament without someone getting possessed? Maybe his frustrations really aren’t about little Leaping Leon, and more to do with Yami sick and tired of being a protagonist.

But, youknow, it’s not an anime, unless the protagonist hypocritically can get away with every sin out there and everyone else gets punished for it. So lets find out just how far Leon fell from fun-having grace with a flashback.

This Belle cosplayer went off in like...one of the most hilariously bad accents I’ve heard in a while, it was just so much, I’ll probably cap it because lolol.

But since Leon wasn’t actually in line to inherit the company, he has to sort of hole up in his room for his entire childhood. It’s kinda weird, since we can’t assume that Zigfried will either a.) live forever or b.) have or adopt or raise children in any capacity. But they’re pretty sure Zigfried will live forever, and in this universe--maybe.

Also, I’m really not sure why they have to dress like it’s 1890, but they sure are. The Victorian era just never left the Von Schroeder house. Like these women are wearing corsets to be in that dress, and you can’t BUY a corset to match this type of dress, you have to make your own, and I know, because in Quarantine, I got really into historical sewing videos.

I can’t believe I spent an entire year watching historical sewing videos. Holy crap. I don’t even sew.

But then again...Seto is kind of drawn like he wears a corset...so maybe people are still wearing them in the Yugioh universe? Maybe that’s how their fashion just works?

Guys...I analyze Yugioh fashion a lot but the fact that the Edwardians never freakin left this worldly plane is just...that’s canon to Yugioh. I really just want to sit back and analyze Yugioh fashion with a moodboard and try to connect all the dots logically as if they aren’t just one-off jokes, but I don’t know how I’d fit that on this post.

And like, one of y’all brought up in a comment in the last post that what’s neat about this arc is we are seeing Zigfried as what Seto would have been like if he hadn’t like...gotten cursed by Yugi Muto. So, going off that idea, I think it’s kinda fun that Zigfried’s outfit is a bit of a younger take on Pegasus’ whole look with the wrist lace and a fusion of Gozaburos look of wearing a cravat with a smoking coat. It’s fun to imagine that this is what Seto’s inner gremlin dresses like (which...now I think about it...was a thing from S1 where Yami defeated a Seto gremlin but...I don't remember much about it) Of course, Seto would also be hella dead if he hadn’t gone through the Yugi cycle, but it’s still a fun road to think about.

Plus, when we go down that road, it really makes this arc look even more like it’s just about Seto Kaiba’s therapy sesh to recover from the last several seasons that he’s accidentally (or intentionally??) invited the entire world to watch and that’s very funny to me.

Bro has informed me you can make a deck out of Jerry but could not show me any receipts.

...I mean that is Dartz right?

Like I know all the characters have cards of themselves IRL and all the characters are also based on cards that were made before they were on TV (with the exception of our main cast that was...youknow, a horror manga) but like...

...what’s up, Dartz?

Anyway, our little Mokuba decides to sneak out the house and run around the world at the ripe ol age of ... what I’m guessing is like 10-12, and is pretty sure he can just get away with that. Luckily, the crimes he’s committing are exactly the type of crimes that Zigfried needs.

(Pretty sure their Dad died or is incapacitated but OK, dub, go ahead and pretend that plot point didn’t go down last episode.)

Also, I’m really glad we got a good storyboarder for this part who was like “Zigfried looks...like that?” and still managed to make this character design really work this episode. In some parts they even gave Zigfried those wide Marik Eyes that are kind of ubiquitous with Yugioh. It just needs the right hands to draw it, and then any amount of...this outfit...can work.

So, just like when we met Mokuba in S1, he’s gonna do a duel on Yugi to save his family and probably also like Mokuba, not give a damn for how this game is supposed to be played. Luckily, this time Pharaoh doesn’t have any star chips lying around for this kid to just run around and steal before booking it out the back gate.

Yugi over there with his twitter-brand hot-takes, not knowing the difference between actual brainwashing and blackmail/family pressure.

(WHY IS MAI HERE?)

Look at that hatching!

Ah this is the 00′s content I’m here for! Check out the soft brush! The dodge and burn! Ah! Man this sure was an era of computer art! and stuff like this cost a lot of money to make and it looked ... like this!

Now I’m pretty sure we can make art that looks this dated on like...a free phone app.

PS please do not ever shade your art like this. This is what you don’t do. Do not do this. I will shed a single tear shaped like the Photoshop symbols for dodge and burn.

Also...guys...

next episode is Ep 13. Every season so far this show has been like “we’re normal, everything is normal” getting us complacent until exactly Ep 13, when everything gets really effed up. So...

will that happen? Will they continue this tradition into S5 or has it been a coincidence until now? Excited to find out.

Anyway, if you just got here, this is the link to read these from the beginning in chrono order:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[blazehedgehog]

An online "experience" E3? Would this just be like…Directs from publishers? But it sounds like the E3 ship was beginning to sink prior to the Corona. Isn't this kind of weird to take in?

Weird? No. Things have been heading in this direction for a while. This isn’t the first time E3 has hit the skids.

E3 made a lot of sense in the era of the magazine, because it was a collected time and place where the press could get a big info dump from everything all at once. It was also legitimately important to business, as publishers would be taking pitch meetings and hashing out mergers or whatever. It was important to have everyone and everything all in one place at the same time because that didn’t happen very often.

That doesn’t matter so much anymore.

Want to make games? Download Unity or Unreal or whatever and self-publish whenever you’re comfortable on Steam or Itch.io. Want to put your game on a console? That’s a bit trickier, and you might need to wait for an opportunity, but for a lot more people it’s as easy as sending an email or a DM to the right person. At the very least, you can swap business cards at something like PAX or Comic-con now.

Thanks to the advent of social media and how easy it is to just release a video, publishers can rely a lot less on the speaking through the press. They can talk directly to the consumer. Skype, Slack and Discord also make teleconferencing easier than ever. Whole teams work together remotely from across the world, now. Unreal Engine 4 even lets multiple users connect to a server and work on the same environment together over the internet, from what I’ve heard.

And what of the press side? I’ve only ever really paid attention to GiantBomb’s E3 coverage, and for the last 3-5 years all they’ve done is sit in an air conditioned studio and watch live streams of the press conferences, just like you or I would.

I also stopped listening to their E3 podcasts, because their normal 3 hour weekly podcast was already too much for me to listen to. Putting out 3-5 hours a night for a whole week became impossible for me to keep up with.

Microsoft has already committed to putting out some kind of announcement reel around E3, Nintendo’s been doing that for years, etc.

Realistically nothing in our lives will change that dramatically. The landscape might look different in 4-5 years, but who knows, maybe things will somehow swing back in favor of E3, just like it did in the mid-2000′s.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s fine to miss the spectacle. I’ll miss the spectacle. But things have been creeping along this direction for longer than you think.

[haberdashing]

Eyes On The Prize

An American seeks out the Magnus Institute in the hopes of joining with them for purposes of their own.

on AO3

Andrea Perez had had their fair share of job interviews over the years already, but as they entered the Magnus Institute, wearing the nicest suit they could afford on short notice (which wasn’t saying much), they knew that the one they were about to have would be utterly unlike any of its predecessors.

A woman with a wide smile and a dark bob was manning the front desk. Her outfit was closer to business casual than Andrea’s own, and they half-expected a name tag (though none was visible at a glance) simply due to the nature of the position; she was clearly just a go-to person for random visitors who happened to wander into the place... which, Andrea supposed, included themself at the moment. “Welcome to the Magnus Institute! How may I be of assistance?”

Andrea tapped their fingernails on the desk as they responded. “I’m here to meet the head of the Institute--Elias Bouchard, isn’t it?”

“Do you have an appointment?”

Andrea shook their head, though a wry smile made its way onto their face. “No, but I imagine he’ll want to meet me just the same.”

The woman started to open her mouth, doubtlessly to protest, but Andrea spoke before she could. “I know he was originally planning on a visit from one Maria Vespucci in five minutes, but unfortunately Ms. Vespucci’s just gotten herself in a car wreck--nobody was seriously hurt, but it’ll take some time to work out--so there should be an opening in his schedule.”

Andrea pronounced schedule the American way, a way they hadn’t heard anyone say it since stepping off the plane in Heathrow, though they figured that they probably had enough of an accent to make it clear they weren’t from around here anyway. They didn’t think they had an accent, of course, but nobody ever does, do they? It’s everybody else who has a funny accent, everybody else that pronounces words weirdly and phrases things awkwardly sometimes, not the normal way like you do.

Andrea liked to think they knew better than to get stuck in that sort of mindset.

“Can you wait one moment...” The woman trailed off, and Andrea realized that she was waiting for their name.

“Andrea Perez. Mx. Perez, if you prefer. And sure, I can wait. Take all the time you need, Rosie, I’m in no rush.”

Andrea stepped to the side, futzing absentmindedly with their cell phone mostly for appearance’s sake, to make sure Rosie didn’t think they were just standing around eavesdropping on her call. Which they sort of were, really, but they didn’t really need to hear the details anyway, able to pick up enough from tone of voice and Rosie’s facial expressions to guess how the conversation (or should that be conversations, plural?) was going. The claims they had made were all entirely accurate, and it seemed that Rosie was in the process of learning as much.

After a few minutes of hushed, hurried phone conversation, Rosie hung up and looked over at Andrea. “Mx. Perez?”

Andrea walked back towards the front desk. “Yes?”

“Mr. Bouchard has agreed to see you. His office is up that way-” Rosie pointed towards a set of stairs. “-and it’ll be the first door on the left. The door’s labeled, too, so it’s hard to miss.”

Andrea smiled slightly. “I’m glad to hear it. Thank you for your help, Rosie.”

Andrea was pretty sure they could feel Rosie staring at them as they went up the flight of stairs she had indicated, but that was alright by them. After all, if they minded the feeling of being stared at that much, they wouldn’t have made the trip here in the first place.

The door was indeed labeled as Rosie had promised, but it didn’t have Elias Bouchard’s name on it, the sign instead simply reading “Head of the Magnus Institute.” They knocked on the door twice, but opened it even before they heard a voice calling out, “Come in.”

Elias Bouchard looked almost exactly as Andrea had expected him to. They hadn’t known what he’d look like, but they’d pictured a mediocre-looking, rich old white guy given what they knew about his position, and their mental image didn’t fall far from the mark.

Andrea closed the door behind them and took a seat in the unoccupied chair within the office before Elias had a chance to offer it to them. The chair was comfortable, plush, probably expensive.

“I don’t believe we’ve met before, have we?” His voice sounded more certain than his words would indicate, and it was true enough that the two of them were strangers, except for all the ways in which they weren’t.

Andrea shook their head and extended their hand towards Elias. “Can’t say that I’ve had the pleasure. My name’s Andrea Perez.”

“And I’m Elias Bouchard, though I imagine you already know that much.” Did he emphasize the word know ever so slightly there, or was Andrea imagining it? Either way, they didn’t have long to dwell upon it before he took them up on the offer of a handshake. Elias Bouchard’s handshake was... firm. Business-like. Unsurprising, really. Probably the same handshake he’d given hundreds of times over the years.

Andrea looked Elias Bouchard in the eyes as they said, “Are you, though?”

“What do you mean?”

Andrea bit the inside of their lip, hoping that the gesture wouldn’t be visible to their conversation partner, though concealing it entirely might be more than they could manage if their guesses regarding what he was truly capable of were accurate. “That’s not the first name you’ve gone by, is it? I don’t know what your real name is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not that.”

Elias Bouchard, or whatever his real name was, had one hell of a poker face, not even blinking (though, in a way, it made sense that he didn’t blink of all things) as he replied, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course not.” They could feel it, though. His face might not have given much away, but they could feel that they’d gained a foothold in what was certainly an uphill climb of a conversation.

“What brings you to the Institute today, Mx. Perez?”

Andrea didn’t hesitate. “I want to work here.”

Elias raised an eyebrow. “You must know this isn’t standard hiring procedure. There are applications to fill out, first off, and I’m not the usual interviewer for most positions-”

“Sure, sure, but I figured speaking to you directly might be more productive. I’m a bit of an unusual case, you see.”

“I’m sure any number of job applicants would say the same.” There was a wry grin on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Though admittedly, few of them hop a transcontinental flight to make their case.”

Alright, so they had an American accent, that much they knew, but... “How do you know I came here just for this? Not on vacation, not living here for years beforehand?”

“I think you know the answer to that question, Mx. Perez.” This time, Andrea was sure he had emphasized the word know in his response, and his eyes had a strange, bright gleam to them that hadn’t been there before.

Perhaps they had his attention for real now.

“If you can know bits of my personal life that easily... I think you might be more interested in something that started a few weeks after my twenty-fourth birthday.”

They looked him in the eyes and waited for his response, waited for it all to click. Unless they were wrong, of course, unless that sort of thing was beyond him...

But it wasn’t, because his grin grew wider and that gleam in his eyes grew even brighter in a matter of moments.

“Right you are. Fascinating, that is, but it still doesn’t explain why you came from the suburbs of Chicago all the way here.”

Time to put all their cards on the table, then, even though they weren’t sure if they had a winning hand, weren’t even sure what game it was they were playing. They knew so much, but still the bigger picture always seemed to elude them...

“I thought I was the only one like me, like this-” Like us, they thought but didn’t dare voice out loud, because Elias Bouchard (”Elias Bouchard”) was still definitely the stronger of the two of them, the one with the power in this conversation, and they didn’t want to risk offending him. “-for years on end. I did what I could, stumbled onto what knowledge I could find on my own, made my own way in the world, but I’ve grown tired of forging my own path. And not too long ago I learned about your Institute, learned that we’re connected, and, well, I don’t want to do this on my own anymore.”

“Quite right.” Elias Bouchard replied, the response coming faster than Andrea had anticipated. “Wouldn’t want to start getting lonely, now, would we?”

His face contorted itself like he had just made a joke and was waiting on laughter from his audience, but any humor in his speech was lost on Andrea, who just shot him a tight smile.

“I suppose not, no. And I think we’d both be better off if we worked together.”

“An interesting proposition.” Elias steepled his fingers before adding, “Were you aware that we have a sister institution in your own country?”

Andrea couldn’t entirely stifle their gasp. It figured, that somehow they’d learned about a kindred spirit halfway across the world, but not one in their own neck of the woods. Knowledge could be tricky like that, a lesson they’d learned all too well in the past few years. What you needed to know and what you wanted to know and what you actually would know always seemed to be three distinct things, with overlap between the three categories being more coincidence than anything else.

“It’s called the Usher Foundation, located in Washington, D.C. We’re on good terms with them, so I can certainly pass along your information if you’d like.”

Andrea drummed their fingers on the desk as they tried to take in the new information and new options available to them. “I... I’ll have to think about it.”

“Go right ahead. Oh, but I don’t mean to turn you down, if that’s what you’re thinking. If you still want to work here in the Magnus Institute, I believe we have a researcher position open that would likely suit your needs. But I can’t say that I’d blame you if you don’t want to stay on this side of the pond. That’s entirely up to you.”

Andrea continued drumming their fingers with increased energy, trying to make their hand move as quickly as their brain. They’d come all the way here, and it seemed a bit silly to go right back to the States, especially since they probably wouldn’t be getting their plane fare back... but then again, they’d never been to England before, barely knew the country except by hearsay, and remaining in it would be quite the adjustment...

A sure thing here, or a new attempt there...

Finally, Andrea made their decision, forcing a grin they didn’t entirely feel onto their face as they did so. “You know what? London seems like a nice enough town. I think I’d like to stick around a bit longer.”

Elias was the first to extend his hand for a handshake this time. “Well then, Mx. Perez, welcome aboard.”

[ahiddenpath]

My Favorite Writing Stuff

One of the best things about writing is that all you need is a pen and paper!  But we all have our favorite tools and luxuries, and I thought it might be fun to talk about mine below the cut.  Lotsa pics, long post.

Word Processors

Scrivener

The single writing item I use most is my word processor, Scrivener, by Literature and Latte.  At some point waaaaaay back in 2012, I found myself writing Growing Up with You in Microsoft Word...  And having to wait ten seconds for the screen to adjust and load new text as I scrolled.  It was just too danged long for the program to handle.  Just reading my manuscript was a nightmare, let alone copying and pasting to move text, shuffle paragraphs, etc.  Making a new doc for each chapter quickly became a clunky chore.

THEN I FOUND SCRIVENER, AND IT’S THE BEST.

Scrivener is... not very user friendly; there’s definitely a learning curve.  But it was immediately so much better for writing long fiction than Word that I bought a book on the program and read it from cover to cover, which...  I don’t think I’ve ever done before.  That’s how much of a game changer this was.

The feature I rely on most is the binder.

This is the binder for Four Years, which currently has...  Forty-eight chapters.  I corralled the chapters into two folders, one for the first year of college (1), and one for the second (2).  

If I click folder 1, all of the chapters appear, each snug in their own folder.  Once the Scrivener file loads, there is no further loading time.  Each folder can be moved by clicking and dragging, as can each text file inside each folder.  FREEDOM!

This feature alone was worth the price of the program.  They offer a free trial, so please check it out if you’re interested!

Portable Word Processors

I’ve mentioned these before, but I have two portable gadgets that allow me to write on the go, distraction free.

Alpha Smart Neo 2

This might look like the baby of a toddler’s toy computer and a keyboard, but it’s actually my baby.

Just kidding!  Sort of!  The Alpha Smart Neo 2 is a portable word processor that boots up in a second, is powered by three AA batteries for eons, and weighs about 2 pounds.  They are no longer in production (which is a crime), but there are oodles available on Ebay for about $20-30.  

(I used to own and talk about my Alpha Smart 3000.  The Alpha Smart Neo 2 is the latest model before the company shut down, and the keyboard is nicer; it’s quieter and easier on the fingers).

I honestly can’t say enough about this device.  I rarely draft on a computer anymore; it’s just too easy to find yourself surfing the web, falling down a research vortex, or even reading your manuscript instead of writing.  Alpha Smarts can remember what you wrote until you delete it.  That’s it.  That’s all they do.  It’s beautiful.

I write about 800 words/hr on a computer.  I write about 1,500 words/hr on an Alpha Smart.  Distractions are so, so real.

When you’re ready to port your writing from your Alpha Smart to your word processor, all you have to do is connect a printer cable to your Alpha Smart, then plug the usb end into your computer.  Open your word processor, turn on your Alpha Smart, select the file you want to transfer, and hit send.  If you forget any of this, it’s written on the back of the Alpha Smart.

I know that no one should blame their success or failure on their tools, but...  I wouldn’t be able to write nearly as much without my Alpha Smart.  And if you ever do writing meet ups, you’ll be the only person who isn’t fighting for a power outlet!  It also fits easily into a tote bag or backpack.

Oh, Alpha Smart Neo 2.  My partner and friend!

Freewrite

The Freewrite by Astrohaus is... um.  Well, it’s a lot like the Alpha Smart Neo 2, except that it’s waaaay more expensive, much harder to use, and has terrible firmware.

There are cool things about it, for sure!  For one, it has this weird...  Pseudo typewriter feel.  It’s much larger and heavier than an Alpha Smart, and I’m not sure that I actually consider it portable...  But the thick, angled base practically functions as a lap desk.  It’s comfortable to use and has a nice mechanical keyboard.

It has wifi capability, so you can send drafts directly to your dropbox/cloud/email, no cords or transfers needed.  The screen is an e-ink scree, like a Kindle Paperwhite, easy on the eyes and readable in the sun.  It’s also backlit, which is the one major win over the Alpha Smart.

I bought mine used off ebay for a fraction of the list price (this thing is NOT worth $600 on any planet, goodness gracious mercy dang!  I paid about $180), and, um...  I still don’t know if it was worth it, not when I can buy an Alpha Smart Neo 2 for $30 tops.  I mean, I like the e-ink and the backlit screen, but...  There’s a lag between typing and the words populating on the screen.  There are no arrows to fix a typo.  I had to send 10 emails back and forth to tech support to get it updated and working.  It was not broken, and I understood all the directions...  It’s just god awful firmware.  I also lost a draft because it wipes your device if you open their Sprinter program while using your Freewrite.  

I still use it, though!  The tactile sensation is really nice, the keys make a satisfying clickety clackety, the E-ink screen is lovely, I adore the option to write in a not-that-well-lit room, and the wifi transfer is faster than my Alpha Smart’s wired method.  But I still can’t recommend it as long as Alpha Smart Neo 2s are available, not unless you’re some combination of the following: a writing nut who writes so gosh dang much that these toys are worth it, someone who is big on tactile sensation, someone who likes hipster stuff, or someone who would love an Alpha Smart but can’t read the electronic screen well.  If this is you, make sure you also have a strong grasp on how to talk to and understand tech support, because you will need them.

Just never ever EVER open Sprinter...

Notebooks

Leuchtturm1917, hard cover, A5, dotted

MAY I INTRODUCE YOU TO MY LOVE, THE LEUCHTTURM NOTEBOOK.

WHERE DO I EVEN START.

The Leuchtturm is...  Just the best.  The hard cover takes abuse well, stickers hold onto it nicely, it has two ribbon bookmarks and an elastic closure, there’s a folder attached to the back inside cover...  The dot version is unobtrusive and encourages smaller writing, which helps the notebook last.  And it is available in a rainbow of colors!

The paper is lovely, the pages are numbered, and IT HAS AN INDEX.

I’m a scientist, and working in a Leuchtturm is just like working in a fancy, expensive lab notebook.  The set up is done already, man.  You just gotta jot down what pages contain what.  IT’S SO ORGANIZED, with almost zero effort!  Mi amor.

Sure, I could make an index page and number all of my pages manually...  But I’ve met myself.  I won’t do it.  When you combine all of these lovely features, you have one unbeatable notebook.

Plus, they’re easy to obtain in the states!  I order them off Amazon or buy them at my local Barnes & Nobles.

Midori MD Notebook, A5, grid

The Midori has even nicer quality paper than the Leuchtturm, but the cover can’t take abuse, and it lacks the nice features.  I truly appreciate the paper quality, but the other features bring me back to my Leuchtturms every time.

It’s a Japanese item and is more difficult to import to the states.  You can get them off Amazon, though!

Pens

I use Uni-ball Signo 207 gel pens.  They write comfortably, and using them feels satisfying.  They should be available in most Walmart/Target type stores, at least in the states!  

It should be noted that I’m just not a pen buff.  I tried fountain pens, and it was more trouble than it was worth for me.

Folios/Traveler’s Notebooks

Okay, so you found the perfect notebook!  Wanna make it SUPER DUPER FANCY PANTS?!  Well, you could try a traveler’s notebook.  

I only learned what a traveler’s notebook is about a year ago, so if you’re also in the dark...  It’s a leather cover that holds notebooks inside with elastic.  I own these chic sparrows, one for my Midori notebook (or whatever notebook I’m using at the time), and one for my journal.

My full name is etched into them, so please pardon my censorship XD

The chic sparrow traveler’s notebooks are so elegant and decadent and...  I won’t lie, I literally move one or both around the house with me, just so I can look at them.  

The one on the left is a Mr. Darcy deluxe, size A5, in the Wickham color.  The one on the right is an Enchanted Woods deluxe, size A5, in the Elderwood color.

They have lots of pockets on the inside, a pen loop, and elastics to hold multiple notebooks.  This one is strung with a Midori notebook.  I also have a smaller B6 one that I use as a wallet!  It holds a small notebook, so I can write down those ideas that always happen when I’m out and don’t have paper.  The pockets hold IDs, credit cards, and cash.

It’s just this... magical, opulent item.  While it’s likely the least practical thing on this list, it’s very special to me.

Lap Desks

I HAVE A HARRY POTTER RAVENCLAW STORAGE DESK FROM POTTERY BARN AND I FEEL LIKE A WITCH WHEN I USE IT.

Oh dear, I took a terrible picture, it looks so lovely in person.  

The top can slide in both directions, revealing enough storage for several A5 notebooks, pens, and more.  It’s a great way to cart your stuff into your favorite cozy nook for a writing session.  Plus, you’ll feel like a Hogwarts student!  It’s available in all four house designs, plus a Hogwarts crest version.

Pottery Barn puts these on sale occasionally.  I’d aim for 25% off before buying.

My Writing Bag

I decked out a tote bag in writing pins to carry my Alpha Smart, thesaurus, a notebook, and pens.  You can use any bag, as long as it accommodates what you need!  Here are my fave sources for writing-related pins:

Literary Emporium, who makes my favorite pin, “Still I Rise,” a Maya Angelou quote.  They have the most gorgeous pins.

When life gives you lemons, read them, advice for the ages

And fandom:

Digivice pin

My beloved Sailor Moon pin, the loveliest pin I’ve ever seen (not shown because it lives on my Sailor Moon jacket!).  All of the inner senshi are available!

THAT’S ALL, THAT WAS SO MUCH.  Please let me know if you try any of these out!

[loudest-subtext-in-tv]

A Study in Fate teaser

Here’s the first 2200 words of a novel-length fanfic that I’ll finish sometime this year. It’s a WiP on an atypical schedule: At a later date I’ll release the rest of the first chapter, but then I’ll release everything else all at once.

Some authors don’t like if you hassle them to hurry up, but I may find it motivating. I’m going to attempt to get better at answering my asks/comments so feel free to ask me things about this fic, but keep in mind there’s a lot of things I won’t answer. Please be aware that no one cares if you don’t like first person perspective.

Though a big aspect of this story is about how to manage depression, it starts in a relatively dark place and weaves in and out of it. If you can’t handle unresolved distant thoughts of suicide right now, maybe wait until the entire story is posted.

Finally, I am doing okay financially right now, but two of my fandom friends are not. If you’ve ever wanted to give me money, I now have a Patreon. Anything you give me will help me help them.

Description: After the events of The Empty Hearse, Sherlock struggles to figure out who he is now that John no longer seems willing to play a prominent role in his life. As his mind runs in circles trying to parse their relationship and determine who threw John in the bonfire, his world is shattered by an enigmatic visitor: himself, bearing bad news from the future.

Series 3 time travel remix; series 4 compatible.

Tags and warnings: first person present, agonizing slow burn, explicit but romantic, depression, suicidal ideation, NOT FLUFF, self-actualization

Read on AO3 or under the cut:

Chapter One - The Curtain Rises

One can’t get far without an organizing principle. Every man needs one drive to which all others are subordinate, a touchstone that seizes him with purpose.

I had one once.

Now I have chips.

Dreadful organizing principle, chips: once you’ve got them, there’s nothing propelling you forward anymore. Have enough of them and you hardly want to move at all. God. I was in the best shape of my life, body and mind, and now I’m turning into Mycroft.

Except Mycroft has already transcended these struggles — or so he claims. Yet again, I’m lagging behind on a path I never wanted to follow. Splendid.

Any moment Mrs Hudson will come out and start chattering away about you. That will set me back the rest of the day, yet I won’t ascend the stairs. Does no part of my mind demand control of my brain stem? I’m meant to be some kind of genius: Any visionary corner of my psyche eager to make something of me? No takers?

No. Life is now nothing more but the wandering of here to there. And thoughts like that are why everyone thinks I’m a baby, so for god’s sake stop.

I am all too stopped.

Depression is a dowsing rod: shows you where to dig. So: Why do I halt here, at the bottom of the stairs? Why can’t I face the only place I’ve ever belonged?

It’s not merely that you don’t live here anymore. Not quite. That would be too easy.

Where are you wandering now, John? You got off work an hour ago. No one's called to alert me you've been kidnapped, so there's one thing I didn't miss today.

Still figuring that out, darling. Off my game. Maybe was never on it. Against my better judgment I let romance rot my mind, and you're the one who's suffered most. But I've recovered from less noble chemical weaknesses than your company. Against all odds I still draw breath. If I make myself do nothing else, I will turn this around. I'll prove you can rely on me.

Any threatening emails? You don't just attempt to incinerate a man and move on. For god's sake, give me something.

Oh. A text. Not a threat; a video from the homeless network. Must have been delayed whilst I was on the tube.

There you are, alive and unwell, and here responds my heart but it's nothing. Mere streets away from me, and nowhere near her flat. Why do you do this, John? Is your phone broken? We could just talk about this. Give me another chance and I swear I won't come on so strong. I was too presumptuous when we last spoke weeks ago. I broke your heart, I'm monstrous; you're no longer fond. I get it.

You're no longer fond, but you're in need of a hit. Which is curious, you realize. You understand how a man would get the impression... But no. I won't presume. Life is boring and I'm dangerous and bless you, you need a hit. Just come get one. I'll pretend I'm managing, I'll find a way to switch on that whole persona for you and you can do your hero worship thing. I won't act desperate.

Just show up, and I will respect your wishes.

Do anything but pensively stop on the sidewalk in front of shops you have no intention of entering. It just screams, I'm distracted! Kidnap me! It's been an age and I know you despise me, but if you keep doing this I'm going to have to conduct surprise drills again.

Maybe you're trying to get kidnapped. I wouldn't put it past you. Maybe it would be charity to send a car around for you to blithely climb into. Do you even think about how that would make Mary feel, John?

Of course, it's me you're thinking about right now. The tension in your posture, the unconscious clenching of your hand, the conflict evident on your face even from this distance: definitely me.

You know, I wasn't the only one who presumed. The papers presumed, the entire British populace presumed, even your sister presumed and surely she'd -- No matter. You've made yourself clear. Just: spare a thought for "the best thing that's ever happened" to you. I've no talent for consoling women on my best days, and I'd hate to see how I'd fare in a worse state than her.

No, I don't know that. I don't know that I love you more than she does. She's never broken your heart.

Oh. Wait, why...? For god's sake, Pilar, why would you approach him? He'll notice.

Well. Can't complain about seeing your eyes more clearly. Not good for my recovery. And there, yes, you've noticed. Paranoia in full swing, hackles raised, and a step forward. 'Can I help you?' in your usual tone that fashions a threat from etiquette.

Not good for my recovery, no. The things you do to my blood, John.

'Got a pound?'

'For someone recording me?' You scoff, narrow your eyes. 'Are you...?'

'Say, aren't you John Watson?' Oh, clever girl. Look at him, pretending he's not pleased to be recognized.

Yet nothing is ever simple with you, John.

'Yeah.' You're either too smart or too suspicious for your own good. (Freud would presume. I'm only saying.) 'Did he...?' You look directly at the camera; at me.

Come on! You assume it’s me? When roaming bands of criminals have set you aflame? Oh here we go, that spark in your eye -- you're going all in:

'Did you put her up to this?'

Oh well.

'Who? What makes you say that, sir?'

'Uh, well he does it all the time.' I don't. 'You know what? Just send it to him.'

'Not sure what you mean, sir.'

'Oh,' you laugh, 'you're not sure what I mean. Stop bloody recording me.'

And that's the end of that.

So. Guess you won't be coming over this week either. Or will you? Are you angry enough to confront me? It's not stalking when it's for your own protection -- just ask my brother, John. God knows he could use the conversation.

I’ve got to find more discreet operatives.

> Next time don't be so obvious.

When did she send this? Ten minutes ago. No, if you were going to come over, you would have arrived by now.

I suppose you’ve already said everything you have to say. But not even a text for stalking, John? I thought we had a connection.

Or we did. Before Moriarty won.

Not your fault. All mine. I underestimated him, failed to foresee the lengths to which he'd go for his insane plan. Didn't realize how many pieces he'd put on the board. Stupid.

A ping:

i thought youd like it? before you whinged you cant hardly see him

It was only supposed to be months, John. Then dozens of pulled threads later and you'd already gone and shacked up with a woman! That's what I get for being thorough.

And not even thorough enough. But if I wasn't thorough enough then neither was MI6, John. If Moriarty still had operatives in London, that's on Mycroft. And me. But definitely on Mycroft.

I don't know. Hate not knowing.

Are we really never going to talk about this? I took down an international crime syndicate for you, and you broke up with me on your blog?

No, no -- sorry. I take full responsibility.

This is ridiculous. I don't know why anyone comes to me to solve their problems. I can't even make it up the stairs.

Ah.

That's it, isn't it? I don’t live up there anymore, either.

Yes. Everyone says you can find Sherlock Holmes just up those stairs, back from the dead and cleverer than ever! Like most things everyone says, it’s not true. I search for him in these rooms daily, and all the evidence points to this: Sherlock Holmes was a character created by John Watson. An exciting story. A fairy tale. (Dare I say a fantasy?)

People will believe anything you tell them, John, and they did. You were so sure I was a hero that even I came to believe it in the end. Now they only keep believing it because I lied. I was never steps ahead, never as infallible as you made me out to be -- and now that you've quit writing me I'll never be anyone at all.

But I'm doing it again. Getting histrionic. I'm not the first nobody to have his heart broken. They all get on with life.

Well: usually. Technically speaking, the most invested ones turn to murder or suicide. On the upside, murder is still in the cards: Assuming I can pull it together long enough to hunt down the appropriate parties, they are murderers and it would be doing the world a favor to murder them right back. In the course of any such investigation there will tend to arise situations in which I would have no choice but to murder them -- or, fortune willing, sacrifice myself so that you may live. Or both! Now that would be a power play: cleanse the board of evil, preserve the king. The ideal way to die may yet fall into my lap.

It's nice to have things to look forward to.

But say it doesn't pan out. Given my recent track record it would be foolish to place undue faith in my forecasting abilities, and after all, I don't know for certain this has anything to do with Moriarty's network. He pulled so many rugs out from under me I'm always half expecting yet another rug. I may grow as paranoid as you, John, with him skulking about in my head. For all I know everyone involved was in Moran's network, and I'm chasing after people who are already in custody. Maybe there's no grand end, no power plays, no relief.

That leaves suicide.

I'm not saying I will, John. I refuse to break your heart again. And it would be no way to honor the lengths to which you've gone to preserve my life. They're mere thoughts. They come and go -- always have, and I always haven't. I'm not going to do it, and if I am, I can always do it later.

But no appealing alternative has revealed itself. Only the obvious path for the invested: live like everyone else, and finally sever myself from aspiring to anything meaningful or exciting. Growing up, they call it.

Freud called it repression, so let's hold off on drastic measures. I made this life work before and I can make it work again.

Of course, that was easy for Freud to say: Being invested in life isn't an exercise in masochism when you have a lifelong companion. Not to be maudlin, John, but I wasn't making it work until you came along. Not truly. You were the gear that made it all click. I couldn't become Sherlock Holmes until you facilitated it.

It felt like the strength you granted me persisted during our years apart, but it's no surprise I drifted off course the moment you weren't at my side. That's not superstitious, John, that’s just a cold fact. You would have caught the little things I didn't. You would have kept my ego in check.

But what's done is done. I'll muster some strength for you. Reinvent myself again. Reorder my mind, keep myself off the needle and the pavement until I tie up these loose ends. Then... who knows.

Maybe someone else will come along.

Well. Feels good to laugh.

I’ve got to get on with it. Life may be a flight of uncarpeted stairs, but I'm sick of being down here.

'Going out, dear? John didn't call, did he?'

Will I always be this damned slow?

I sigh loudly, not that it will make any difference. 'No, and no.' You scowl like you do when I talk about him. 'Just getting in.'

You frown. 'But we were just talking.'

My heart leaps. 'You and John?'

'No, silly.' My heart falls. You tilt your head; smile. 'You and me.'

'You were talking. I was out.'

You shake your head and laugh, a cheery, infuriating tinkle. 'You had quite a lot to--'

'Mrs Hudson.' For god's sake, do not go senile on me. Not one more straw.

'Is it drugs, dear?' Terrible, hushed pity. Everyone always leaps straight to drugs! 'Oh don't get angry, I know all the signs! The nerve of him, putting you in this state. I'd say a few things to him, if only he'd come around once in a--'

Anything has got to be better than this.

'Project much?' The stairs are fine two at a time.

'I need those for my hip!’

'Adjust your dose! You're clearly...’ What?

What in the world?

'That would explain so much,' he says, and the room tilts.

Through the door. There I am. There he is.

Sherlock Holmes.

End notes:

In The Lying Detective, Sherlock tells Faith that chips are “the only perk” of being suicidal. In The Empty Hearse, he was eating chips when Mary told him John had been kidnapped.

John’s most recent blog entry before this story takes place is The Empty Hearse. It’s a mindfuck minefield for poor Sherlock, but we’ll get into that more soon. For now, know it contains this doozy: “Oh, and in other news, I’ve got engaged. But, it’s not something I’m really going to talk about much here. I want to keep some things private. I will say, though, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Sorry, Sherlock :)”

I borrowed the name Pilar from Sherlock Holmes and the Baker Street Irregulars: The Fall of the Amazing Zalindas, a novel by Tracy Mack and Michael Citrin. I’ve never read it, mind, it just seems like it wouldn’t be the sort of thing Sherlock would assign to Wiggins, and Wiggins would never be so sloppy.

Sherlock is obsessed with Freud. One Freud reference in The Abominable Bride, which was constructed entirely from Sherlock’s drugged out brain, came from Mycroft, who asked John if he was aware of theories of paranoia. Freud believed paranoid people were closeted homosexuals, heavily insinuating that Sherlock believes John is a closeted homosexual. Freud meta to come later; he’s very important.

Freud was with his wife for 57 years.

“Life is a flight of uncarpeted stairs” is from the poem “Spring” by the early 20th century queer poet Edna St. Vincent Millay. She ended up dying of a heart attack that made her fall down the stairs, which is itself poetic. Though she was a woman, I think it’s realistic Sherlock would know about her: the Casebook notes that Sherlock reads the agony aunt columns in women’s magazines because they contain all of life and are pertinent to his line of work, and in the same spirit I’ve made him familiar with all old famous love letters, for which she’s renowned. We also know Sherlock is familiar with Shakespeare and moved enough to remember entire soliloquies, so there’s no way Sherlock could read “Spring” and not retain some of it — especially as John and Mary had been aiming for a spring wedding, and the poem references April, which is just wrapping up as the fic begins.