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#but the author of that one... has died

seralica · 1 year

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problem: finding something to help me fall back to sleep that is not from a media property that now makes me uncomfortable. which needs to be so familiar that I will not want to stay up listening to it

solution 1: podfic

result: none of the fics I reread obsessively have podfics already :(

solution 2: try calibre's text to speech problem on a fav fic

result: not bad, but keep thinking about how I could do better than the weird monotone of the microsoft default voice

solution????: make the podfic??????

problem: with what time

#the conundrum.#i may try anyway?#debate whether i can fall asleep to my own voice but i have to listen back to my own dictations enough anyway that it isn't viscerally weir #podfic #side note: TTS is very handy but weird. and i tried to ask for permission for it #but the author of that one... has died #the difficulties of trying to move away from big media properties that you used to be really into but are increasingly VERY sketch

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feroluce · 4 months

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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.

So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!

But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.

According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.

He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!

So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.

Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.

And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.

And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.

Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.

Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.

Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...

One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.

Gepard doesn't sleep that night.

Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.

Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.

She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.

"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.

Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.

His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?

��Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.

Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.

“We don't even know-”

“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.

“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.

It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.

The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.

“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-

Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”

“No what?”

“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”

Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”

Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.

Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.

“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”

“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.

From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.

The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.

He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.

Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.

Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.

Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.

In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.

Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.

He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.

He only hopes that it's enough.

#honkai star rail #gepard landau #hsr gepard #pelageya sergeyevna #hsr pela #hsr #smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd #tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha #I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc #But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd #Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha #Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down #did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.

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mediumgayitalian · 6 months

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i’m so very invested in ur naomi fic; it’s both kinda tragic but also very heartwarming to read abt her struggle to hold everything together but have so much determination to make everything work out, and i’m rooting for her so hard (even though i know she’ll be ok, it’s still that feeling, ya know?) all this to say i love ur version of her very much (and di is a delight tbh)

it IS upsetting….she is scraping the barrel!!!! she is nervous!!! things are only going to get harder!!! and yet. she is GOING to handle it because she has to. because there is no one resilient and stubborn like naomi solace. and of course di is there even if she’s grouchy about it :D

#i’m obsessed w the idea of a girl forced to become a maternal figure by circumstance and scared of it #and a woman forced to become a maternal figure by circumstance and being scared of it #and handling it in very different ways #because the circumstances are very different #di has never had children and never really wanted them but this little brat who does not respect her authority and never stops singing for #one fucking second #well.#she can’t just leave the bitch to sleep in a CAR.#that’s not on her.#anyways di i love you too #and i want y’all to think of what di might be short for #and how that might be a fun on the nose name in a universe w the gods lol #ask #naomi solace

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amethystmpress · 2 years

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the black bastard & the stormborn (daredevil and elektra au) ✩

you desperately want to belong somewhere, with someone, which is the real reason why you sneak into fancy parties... you know what your problem is? you're pretty, you even work the blind thing, but you're dumb.

is it good? this uh... life as a queen. it's fantastic. but i would trade it all in for a lifetime of smelling your skin.

there is always this glorious darkness inside of you, the blood of the dragon and the wolf. that's why i took you to petyr baelish, and yes it's why i loved you, that's why you loved me too. don't deny what we have.

i want to know how you found me. i know who you are because lord bloodraven trains me in his visions. i saw you beat down the bolton bastard. i wear a mask. well, you can't mask that ass. i'd know it anywhere.

so, what if... from now on... if we make it... wherever you run, i run with you? you're not serious. i've never been more serious. this... dany, this is a part of me that i need. and you're the only one who gets it. without this, i'm not alive. i'm not. not really. i don't know what we are together, and if we have any chance in the future... but i do know that i'm free with you. like with no one else.

HAPPY NEW YEARS (BIRTHDAY) SOFI ♥

#daenerys targaryen #jon snow #jonerys #matt x elektra #daredevil #okay so here is the au 🫴#maester aemon adopts dany from essos after her family dies to make a home with her at the wall #the proximity to bloodraven (stick) allows him to communicate and train her for the war for the dawn #he tasks her with recruiting the one remaining targaryen in westeros and she falls in love with him while pursuing and seducing him #jump to jonny #who was blinded in an accident while saving robb when he was younger #which caused his greenseeing and warg senses to be heightened #after the death of his father catelyn sends him to the wall where he too is connected with bloodraven #dany and jon become friends at the wall #dany as aemon's steward has authority to get up to stuff and be cute at the wall #which includes roping her nephew into shenanigans sometimes shirtless #even though he is a baby nights watch recruit #the roscoe sweeny incident in this case is petyr baelish bc he was responsible for ned's death duh #but you have to suspend your disbelief for a second bc lbr #jon would have no problems killing baelish pre- or post-resurrection #dany disappears from the wall while jon proceeds with his acok timeline #during which time he adopts the vigilante identity 'the black bastard'#to search for his uncle and fight wildling rayders and keep his own men in line during the night and practice warging ghost #ik so far it seems like i've attributed matt to jon and elektra to dany entirely but realistically they're a mesh of both characters #don't think this au is as simple as 'dany dark targaryen seducing jonorable jon stark' no that is boring #aka it's jon who is the black sky (black bastard hello) who will die and be resurrected #HE is the one who will curl up in dany's bed as he regains memory of her #'the stormborn' is supposed to be a play on the electric part of elektra 😭#i love you sofi <3 #my gifs

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unopenablebox · 2 months

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the experience of reading 3-4 heyer novels in a row is that they’re just formulaic enough that you start, in your secret heart, to think, “well that’s not so hard. i bet i could write something like that”

and then you remember the unbelievably dismal quality of every single post-heyer regency romance and you understand. that empirically no you fucking couldn’t and neither can anyone else

#unbelievable how much better heyer novels are than every other regency romance i’ve ever attempted #all authors have the most irretrievably modern lead ear imaginable. except this one woman somehow #and alas she has died.#box opener

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note-boom · 2 years

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Hi my name is Ryunosuke Dark'ness Dementia Raven Akutagawa and I have messy short ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with white tips at the end of my side bangs that reaches my chin and dead grey eyes like polluted clouds and a lot of people tell me I look like Gin (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Osamu Dazai but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale sickly skin. I'm also an ability user, and I work at a place called the Port Mafia in Japan where I'm in the guerilla squad (I'm twenty). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black trenchcoat wirh matching black pants, a white dress shirt with a jabot and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside the Port Mafia. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of ADA agents stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them

Please tell me this has been done before...

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