#but the casting news was all over twitter sooo

[yesokayiknow]

whittaker!doctor turning up at martha's door: so uh turns out being seen as a woman kinda sucks & i'm sorry about being a part of the problem for you

gatwa!doctor turning up the next day: well. racism huh

[themichigami]

Annoying Spoilers from people and thoughts on Gambit (aka Chanbit)

I've waited long enough, so here we go. Sooo, one of my friends calls me their resident hillbilly translator, any time someone has an american accent usually southern they can't figure out they send me a link and ask me to translate. TWO DAYS before the new deadpool movie is out in theaters here, they message me with a link to a thing all desperately "Miche, Miche, what is he saying?!?" and stupidly i clicked it not knowing... and THIS WAS HOW I FOUND OUT ABOUT GAMBIT BEFORE I WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE!

Let me tell you, i have never been more in a state between utter rage and screeching glee and yet both at the same time in my life. The things they heard from me about it before being put on the "we're not speaking til i'm less mad at you" list have not left a miche's mouth in a long time. And yes, i could translate for em, but did i? no.

Did i secretly rewatch that clip to death til it got removed from twitter before going to the movie myself? mayyyyybe.

First off, I do not find Channing Tatum attractive, he looks like my dad, no really. If you find him attractive, good for you, you probably have the same taste in guys as my mom, which is awesome for you but not my thing. That said, i giggled like an idiot with a giant grin every time even in the theater because he actually managed to finally live his dream and get in the costume after a couple decades of trying, and do a decent job of it onscreen.

Also, yes, I'm annoyed about the eyes. Everything else, good, the eyes, minus fifty points, maybe more. Didn't even need full sclerals just some red lenses, full scleral contacts i'd forgive em not using because I've known enough cosplayers who have trouble with em after long hours, just... they used the Diable Blanc nickname but didn't give him his eyes which was the reason he had the nickname. adding the teeny tiny glow to em using the powers, okay you tried but no star sticker.

The accent, having known a couple people from down that way over the years, yeah not bad that's a damn hard accent to do and it varies all over the place so no one accent covers, could be worse. People are so used to the cartoon version's deliberately fake so that it's easier to understand accent that any attempt at the real thing which is hard as hell to understand already to other people sounds weird, and they were playing it up to be worse for the joke in the movie.

Also, for those who don't know the ancient lore, at one point during the original 90's cartoon casting, they GOT someone with an actual Cajun accent to read for Gambit in the beginning, then decided kids and casual viewers wouldn't be able to understand it so they had another actor IMITATE a watered-down easier-to-understand version of his accent for a test, and decided to go with that idea instead when they cast the final actor.

Buuut, long post is long, so I'll sum up by saying, he may not be the best but he did decent, and i'm slowly no longer ignoring the friend who was a dumbass and spoiled it for me. Also, no, I am not from the south, but get used as the weird accent translator because i am originally from so far deep in the mountains of Appalachia that i had to have several years of speech classes to get rid of the worst of the hillbilly noises i myself made. I still slip once in a while when tired or distracted, but the "city voice" has been in place for around 25/30 years now. One of my first college roommates actually called me Gambit because of it for a few months before i managed to get them to realize I considered it really rude since i was actively trying to hide my own accent at the time. (might also partially have been the fondness for wearing a brown trench coat and bike gloves for most of the late 90's at fault there too)

[thewingedwolf]

We do agree then. Most of my timeline is filled with black women so that is what I'm most exposed to. My main gripe is that black women are always used as the rage bait in these shows. I'm truly tired of the racism and wish that new stories are created for us without the need to replace them for us to get representation. Sorry if I offended you for the 'black' comment.

sorry if i sounded suuuper annoyed lmao, i Am annoyed but at twitter not u aksksk. (also, was working children’s and there were just so many screaming kids today 😭). and that's definitely fair! i know The Interwebs in general is feeling very upset right now because of that romeo and juliet production that tom holland was in, because not only did they not really stand up for that poor actress, or turn off comments, they were just being sooo weird about her on social media. it's really nasty to just cast a black actress, especially one who is dark skinned, knowing she's going to get a shit storm of racism hurled at her and then not defend her and even actively make it worse by refusing to take basic precautions so she's not having people call her slurs in every damn post. and this show itself obviously also has a bad track record with that - not just with all the main black characters of color excluding agatha being light skinned and/or Mixed With White specifically (where's the blasian rep!!! where's the afrolatino rep!!!! why are mixed characters always mixed with white!!!!!!! also i love the sharma’s but not letting anthony and kate have their own fucking wedding OR a sex montage and then giving colin a bunch of annoying sex scenes is so!!!!!!) but also the way marina's storyline was handled was nauseating and pen never makes up to marina for doing something so egregiously awful, and on top of that poor ruby barker had a hard ass time on the set and on the internet. it sucked!!! i hope i didn't sound too mad lol, but my whole tl was either white women having a MELTDOWN over the show "ruining" michael (this is a paper thin character, there is nothing to ruin!!!) or other people (largely black women but also a lot of queer women in general) being like "sucks to suck anywayyyy hope francesca and michaela scissor on screen just to spite you personally" alkjdf and it hasn't even been 24 hours, i'm so over it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

and yeah, that's something an author i like (i like her as a person, i don't love her romances haha) has mentioned - there are plenty of romances that are explicitly about black characters or indian characters or caribbean characters or jewish characters or whatever you fancy that take place in the regency/georgian/victorian era that could have been adapted but instead they went with julia quinn, who has explicitly talked about how she doesn't write characters of color because they ~don't get happy endings in this time period. and mind you, this is a woman who writes a duke living on every corner in london getting a love match!!! not to mention if they really just wanted to do some funky color blind/racebending, there are so many authors out there who have written longstanding romance series' with all white characters who are just better writers than julia!!! i mean, i have a lot of beef with tessa dare for what i feel is performative allyship (though i don't want to discount the way she has privately been a rock for a lot of authors of color, especially after the rwa blowup, she's still annoying to me tho haha), but she's just leaps and bounds better of a writer and also hasn't gone on record saying she would never write a black main character the way julia quinn has! it's unendingly annoying!!! courtney milan and diana quincy and beverly jenkins are right there!!!!

[destinyc1020]

Oh brother the career talk has now moved to Zendaya 🙄 can y'all mute je for your piece of mind coz I feel like a lot of y'all are antsy right now because everyone is talking about him. Zendaya will be MORE THAN FINE. Just remember that she would have had 2 press tours right now if it wasn't for the strike. This thing where people want to constantly see the their faves constantly having them working is getting played out tbh. We are fans and we want them to entertain us I get it believe me but this thing where y'all start acting like it's the end of the world when there's no casting news or a project didn't go favourably somehow (tcr) is sooo played out.

Maybe I'm getting too old for this shit but I blame social media. We could go YEARS without seeing a promising young actor in anything and I barely saw these meltdowns. Maybe coz I've never been this deep into an actor's fandom idk. There was a drought for Anne Hathaway after Les Mis which got her a hate train and look at her she's still kicking! Rob Pattz didn't have his projects the get buzz like twilight until he did the batman, we were only hearing about his love life and look at him now. JLaw was touch and go there for a bit after mother! and look at all the positivity she got this year again. This happens more than you think guys. Actors go on breaks for one reason or another but they can still get back in it. I need people to not use social media as a metric for how their faves career is going because you will be melting down in Destiny's inbox everyday. I'm begging.

THAAAANK YOU Anon. You "get it"!

Like, idek why stans get into these silly stan wars. It's so dumb. Z is MORE than fine...Tom is MORE than fine. Like, fans need to calm down and realize that all of these actors are all in the same BOAT! It's NOT a competition! They're all in this together.

And yea, Idk if it's just Film Twitter or what, but these meltdowns over careers seem to be popping up over the past couple of years or so. I never used to see this before. Fans just waited for their fave to put out whatever they were gonna put out, and in the meantime, they just enjoyed other actor's projects. Like, it's NOT a big deal guys.

Like you said, plenty of actors have had bad reviews, breaks, time off, harsh criticism, and guess what... They're still HERE folks! 😅

[switch]

Thanks for that post because if they do genuinely make up Deep Lore to excuse their mixup and I have to see people on Twitter and Tumblr write meta posts about how we were sooo dumb for complaining about LB7 featuring Aztecs in Brazil I'm going to flip. Every fandom ever needs to learn about the concept of Watsionan vs. Doylist explanations but the FGO fandom in particular needs to do it 10x extra. Like this really goes for almost every controversy — the Central America vs. South America situation obviously, but also Ruler Moriarty, how much people should be "allowed" to complain about genderbends or big boobie waifu designs etc. etc.

yeah, it's real bad over here. i know i was just making "point to Brazil on a map" jokes, but even calling it a mixup is generous. they know more or less what they're doing, they've had time to make the name/cast more appropriate considering how fucking long this thing has been in the oven, they just do not actually especially care about it beyond it being the backdrop for their big dumb epic top 10 anime battles of all time ORT fight they've been limping towards the past 5 years.

i mean, there is a difference between this and "lol dropping hime's castle on eliza's," they have a bad track record in this department already. they are at this point used to selectively and poorly putting shit in a blender to try to Increase Marketability or just fit every fucking idea they came up with into one thing and getting away with it anyway because, well, they can work backwards to make up an excuse to sell any new bullshit concept they come up with this quarter and this game is too big to fail.

when you learn why an aztec underworld is in brazil, you will be ashamed of your words and deeds, when you learn why van gogh is actually just the first google result we could find for "female mythical/historical figures associated with sunflowers", you will be ashamed of your words and deeds, when you learn why koyanskaya....... is koyanskaya, you will be ashamed of your words and deeds, when you learn why ruler exists via nothing but pure circular logic, you will be ashamed of your words and deeds...... i could go on.

[themollyzone]

the angle

Ooh the internet is getting REAL WEIRD for me these days. It wasn't until after he died that I learned the reason my paternal grandfather was so into college sports (especially basketball) was because he thought professional sports were rigged, so college ball fandom was the only pure and honorable option. It's taken me a while to get into Conspiracy Grandpa status but it's starting to happen in a very particular way.

Specifically, I find myself seeing the way people craft their internet identities and output and saying: I don't believe it. Recently a young woman's thrift haul went viral on TikTok for being impressive and jealousy-inducing, then broke containment and went viral on Twitter where a lot of people were mad at her for scooping up cheap duds and reselling at a premium.

The original impressiveness of the video was supposed to be about buying a lot of desirable clothing all on the same day from the same store — I watched the video and was like, how are we supposed to believe that unless we watched her shop live? Twitch-streaming a purposeful skulk down the aisles of her local Goodwill?

Maybe she was collecting the best bits from a few different trips and combining them. After all, you don't go viral for buying just a couple cute things. You go viral for extremes: the most, the least, the cutest, the cheapest, the "most insane". I edit videos for a living and you have basically 2ish seconds at the beginning of a video to get peoples' attention so you can promote whatever it is you need to promote (in that thrifter's case, her cornucopian Depop shop). Your chosen thesis statement better be Entertaining.

Now there's a woman who has gone viral for being a tradwife, breasting boobily around her house and making terrible-looking home-baked bread for her alleged husband. The whole thing is sooo cosplay, and everyone's getting so upset about her content that they are forgetting she is not a housewife at all — she is a content creator. If you look at her Instagram from before she picked this particular Shein Marilyn Monroe Don't Worry Darling-style personal brand, she was trying to be a fitness influencer, posting about gains and doing that thing where you place a barbell over your hips and thrust vigorously.

The current internet is built for being reactive to the smallest and most impactful bit of information available. It is why people freak out about tweeted headlines without reading the full article, and why that account Pop Crave loves taking celebrity quotes out of context and riling up bloodthirsty fanbases for engagement, and why you can see one video of a "tradwife" looking like a Mad Men extras casting reject and don't bother looking back in her post history to see her recent-past self, striving in contemporary spandex and using hashtags like #fitfam.

That Natalie Portman movie Vox Lux was terrible but it had a silly line in it that I loved, where Nat's deranged Staten Island pop star character talks about personal branding for artists: "“It doesn’t matter anymore if you’re Michelangelo, or if you’re Mikey and Angelo from New Brighton. All that matters is that you have an angle." Internet fame is the carrot dangling on the stick, and to catch the fame, you need the angle, and you edit what you need to edit in order to hone your particular angle. In a sea of thrifters, you must get the most "insane" haul. In a sea of identical blonde fitness influencers, you must find a path of lesser resistance. Sweating to the oldies, indeed!!

Can you be mad at these people? I would say mostly I am impressed. I am excited to see in particular which sponsors the tradwife will secure in order to fund her future endeavors, because I do not believe her supposed single-income household will provide the financial backing she will need once she reaches higher levels of internet fame/infamy and wants a lifestyle to match. After all, the main brands who do influencer marketing are generally those who cater to girlbosses, not tradwives — subscription meal kits for homemade flavors on a time budget, blue light-blocking glasses for long days spent content creating on the computer, online therapy for the anxiety caused by capitalism.

That's the last question you need to answer when you are making content for free on the internet - where will the money eventually come from?

I just texted my dad to confirm my grandpa's rigged pro sports beliefs and he said yes, that was his theory — "Believe he used the term 'scripted.'" Keep your third eye open people!!! But wear third eye sunglasses to minimize UV exposure.

[oodlyenough]

i finished arcane here are some thoughts

things i liked:

not an original thought but the art and animation ruled... easily the best part of the show. i think if you have any passing interest in animation it's worth watching just for that

tons of the character designs are very sexy thank you video games

i took some time to settle into the cast and world building but by the end was fairly attached to and/or compelled by most of our major players. vi, cait, viktor, ekko and silco were the standouts for me. i also like sevika but wish she got more to do? what's ur deal sevika. i have questions. also you're super hot

i was prepared (thank you twitter) for vi and cait to not be the centre stage of the whole show but i do wish we'd seen more of them and had more episode with them together, to make it pay off better

i only started paying attention after i saw that "men or women?" gifset and i gotta say vi and cait... like... are they my new favourite OTP? no. did i have fun watching all of their scenes? yes

viktor is one of those obvious fan favourite characters from the second he appears on screen but i am a fan and he was a favourite

i liked silco a lot, i thought he was very compelling and i really liked his fucked up relationship with jinx. great. sometimes you're a ruthless slum kingpin and also you love your violent adopted daughter a lot

the viktor/jayce/mel storyline works sooo much better as (and is clearly... portrayed as...) a bisexual love triangle. wish the show had leaned into that instead of no homoing it with that "like a brother" line flhghg hello?? mid-seasons we were just like jayce now you're being a bad boyfriend to two people :/

everything needs more bisexual drama tho so i was here for it

the crazy dinner scene with jinx and co was fun. i liked the juxtaposition being like... not clear cut? i mean obviously silco is a terrible person in general and vi has done nothing wrong ever in her life, but to jinx specifically it was just... two family members who genuinely care about her. (and cait who does not want to marry into this family.) she instantly regrets killing silco but would've instantly regretted killing vi. you played yourself jinx

things i did not like:

it was not lost on me as a veteran of fandom that the show kind of... set mel up for failure by giving her the role it did. i mean i haven't looked at the tag yet so maybe fandom will pleasantly surprise me but uh, i doubt it, lmao

it was also not lost on me that the no-name lovesick girl who gets obliterated by viktor was also black

i thought it was out of character for vi to be pretty callous about that kid jayce killed... would street orphan vi really be that ambivalent to killing a street orphan just because he """worked for""" silco? hello...? hes like five? aren't you trying to save your terrorist sister? ??

caitlin's police outfit w the tight skirt etc sucks lmfao thank you video games

i mentioned it earlier when i was watching but most of this felt like familiar stuff remixed a little. this isn't necessarily bad, but sometimes it fell flat when a character or situation invoked something else that i like better. for eg jinx and harley quinn

heimerdinger bored me i would like to excise all of his screentime and give it to someone else. when jayce in the council meeting was like "you've been president or whatever for 500 years and shit sucks" like. yeah honestly dude !!!

is sevika dead? dislike

stray thoughts:

i couldn't decide what category to put jinx in. i didn't... like her, exactly; i found her writing and some of the performance a bit tedious. i guess i liked her function in the narrative though

i think part of it was the show's quandary over whether powder is still "alive" or not and whether vi was "responsible" or not etc... i can buy that vi feels responsible for what happened but vi truly did nothing wrong LMAO sorry she lost her temper for 20 seconds after her sister killed their whole family ...

again i don't really hold it against jinx specifically but sometimes i found the narrative a bit muddy on that when i feel uh. very clear that it was not remotely vi's fault.

jinx played the villain route of telltale batman episode 5 and was like I Can Do That

is this show queerbaiting me two times over??? i guess we'll find out in like. 2023 or whenever s2 airs

mel your mean mom is super hot

[theyarebothgunshot]

WHAT

exactly. welcome to: everybody freaked the fuck out in my inbox over gish. enjoy!

THEY ARE DOING A LIVE TOGETHER HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THIS IS WHEN WE ALL DIE HOLY SHIIIIIIIT

we are NOT ready!!!

i just tYPED ALL THAT UP AND JUST INNOCENTLY CHECKED TWITTER AND IM SCREAMING... IM NOT READYY MICHAEL SCOTT IT'S HAPPENING GIF

everybody STAY CALM!!!

Cockles coming out live I’m calling it (for legal purposes this is a joke)

911 this is an emergency im-

Heyyyyyy bestie IM LOSING IT MISHA'S POST ASDFGG WE MIGHT GET FED

we MIGHT?? we DEF will get fed!!!

what if- WHAT IF they talk about chaos machine and Misha is working with them WHAT IF let me dream I’m spiraling

listen out of all the takes i think this one is pretty realistic ngl 

NEW COCKLES CONTENT cocktent if you will our BELOVED!!!! aim screaming 🦟

SAME I HAVENT STOPPED SCREAMING ACTUALLY!!

Sjkfldjsbfkfbekfbskdbfmfbd I’ve been ACHING for live Cockles content!!!!!!!!!! Literally the other day I was thinking, “I wonder when we’ll get to see Cockles interactions again... Other than p̸a̸s̸s̸i̸v̸e̸ a̸g̸g̸r̸e̸s̸s̸i̸v̸e̸ IG reactions.” I’m so hopeful for more in-person content in the future, but I’ll take the damn GISH Zoom!!

(I’ve never done an anon post, so...hopefully I’m doing it right 🥴)

no worries anon you ARE doing it right and i am right there with you!!

JENMISH REALLY TWEETED “FUCK IT COME @ US, CW SNIPER” AND DELETED THE APP AFTERWARDS PLE ASEASDGDKS - 🦋 anon

NO SNIPER CAN STOP THEM!!!! god i am just. i am so happy lmao

Gish clashing with Eurovision is the most tragic aspect of 2021 so far

im a problematic bisexual because i do not care about eurovision sjdfsjhf but i feel for you rip

KAJANANANSMZNSHSNSNNASNSMNS I’m sooo excited. Handjdkensnsjsjsjsnsnsn. Dammit I need to go to sleep but now I can’t anymore. It’s ridiculous that these two men can cause the release of so much serotonin in my brain. But I’m kinda scared too? Idk why, I’m excited but I’m also a bit scared.

no need to be scared bestie!! we are all holding hands!!

I have to work on Saturday and will miss this, ngl I'm feeling a bit upset right now. PLEASE people, record this (thank you @casenergies for already volunteering), multiple people preferably in case sthg goes wrong for someone etc.

im sorry you will miss seeing it live :( but i can promise you we will be screaming about it for days afterwards!! you KNOW this fandom will record this shit, we gotchu

Holy crap, we're actually getting fresh cockles content! I'm so excited!! -🐢

HI NEW FRIEND! ME TOO!

ROSE I JUST WOKE UP (good morning) TO SEE JENSEN IS JOINING GISH? PLS I WANNA SCREAM. I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT ANYTHING GISH RELATED BUT I AM VERY EXCITED !!!!!!! - tulip anon

i do hope someone streams it on YouTube or something because i wanna watch ahahshs

GOOD MORNING WE WILL MOST DEF RECORD IT!!

If Misha turns out to be in Canada and they end up doing the live together I will not answer for my actions nor will I be able to go on

i will banshee scream so hard my neighbors will think i am being murdered

Jensen commenting "Wait... What am I doing?" on Misha's post my heart - tea anon

such a fucking dad and i love him for it

no j*red yesss *oprah gif* No but like I don't hate him, his jokes are just so unfunny and always Misha centered and JenMish only dynamic is much better

listen we DESERVE a j*redless panel because we almost never get them!!!! misha truly knows what the gays want. god bles.

Does the live together count for getting back at the boys cast or...

Jensen makes him jealous, Misha makes sure everyone knows cockles lives and so it goes

you know what- 

[aprilyroseee]

Hi!! Thank you so much for all your hard work 😍 I’m so anxious to see how everything turns out for Karino and Azusa! I was wondering... did Ogawa Chise mention a happy ending for CH? Do you have a website with all the chapters translated? Where do you find the announcements that Ogawa Chise makes? I’m so sorry I’m a bit obsessed with CH rn 😅 Again, thank you so much for everything you do

Aww thank you sooo much!! 💕💕Me too! I don't know what to expect from the new chapter, I'm hopeful but worried at the same time! Anyway yes! Ogawa sensei confirmed a happy ending!! Yaay <3 🥰 for me, a happy ending means Azusa & Karino together, but I wonder what will happen first. Ughh !! 🥺 You can find ALL the chapters of Caste Heaven on mangadex, I have uploaded my releases over time! If you want to keep up with all the Caste Heaven updates, you can follow Ogawa Chise on Twitter! HERE! It's basically the only place where she publishes things (photos, arts, updates). Lately, she has started something like "ask.fm" where you can ask her any question, in japanese, and she answers by posting your question on twitter! Other useful sites: - SUBLIME MANGA: official publisher of Caste Heaven in English, please consider buying the volumes if you have the chance! - Caste Heaven Official site (JP) with information about the volumes and drama CDs, the mobile game... - BexBoy Magazine site (where Caste Heaven is published, here you can check if the monthly magazine has or doesn't have the chapter of Caste Heaven). At the moment we don't know yet when the serialization starts again :(

[odinsblog]

Hello! I super appreciate this blog! Also so like. If I could ask for some advice if you have time. There’s a lady I know (she’s progressive leaning so like ???). She was like ‘Bernie always makes excuses for his losses’ and it’s like. How does she believe supporting sanitation workers, fuck billionaires, etc but also milquetoast conservadems? Like she honestly doesn’t think Bernie can beat Trump? I have literally zero clue what to think or how to respond to that? Thanks! S

@saoirse-callaghan-blog

Whew boy. I kinda sorta wanna outsource this for someone else to answer, like maybe @politicalsci or maybe @politijohn

BUT.....

Before I do that, I just want to say that when the 2016 primaries rolled around, my aunts were initially going to vote for Clinton, but I talked to them for about 15min outside of the polling place just telling them about Sanders. I even showed them a youtube video of all the stuff Bernie has been right about for the last 30 plus years. My aunts aren’t dumb, and they aren’t easily swayed once they’ve made up their minds ...... but at that point in time, they hadn’t even heard of Bernie Sanders. And I was able to convince them that Sanders was a stronger candidate against Trump and they cast their primary ballots for him.

I’m hesitant to dole out advice here because if you want to convince your friend on a personal level, there’s things about your friend and her personality that only you know - so the convo that you’re going to have might need to take on a whole different flavor than me talking to my black, over 50yrs old aunties.

I’ll be 36 this year and two things stood out to me back in 2016: all of my family and friends who were roughly 35 and under were already Sanders supporters, and they didn’t watch a lot of MSNBC. As that age gap increased, so did their support for “establishment” (aka corporate) Democrats and they were more likely to ... not be news/politics junkies like me, but they definitely were also heavier watchers of MSNBC for their source of news.

(hint: MSNBC is the neoliberal/centrist arm of the DNC, if you don’t know)

Anyway, please forgive me for not taking a minute to scoure through your blog to answer this question, but Idk if you’re white or a NBPoC. If you are, that conversation might look much more different than mine went four years ago. And if your friend is over 35 and financially well off, then there’s another variation. iMho, older people generally seem to have had the hope beaten out of them? And now they’re just happy to “pragmatically” conform to the status quo?

If I could give you one or two pieces of advice, it would be this:

1) try phone banking for Sanders. I did it for the last Democratic primaries, and it gave me sooo much practice for talking extemporaneously to a wide assortment of people from different backgrounds than mine. They give you a script to work from, but after the 30th or 40th call, you basically have it memorized and can start riffing. You need to hear the “No” people without interrupting bc it helps you overall in refuting anti-Sanders arguments you will hear again. Once you’re really comfortable with the calls, maybe let your friend watch you make some calls? It might be an eye opener for her.

2) listen to news sources other than CNN, WNYC and MSNBC. And get them to listen to other outlets. Actual progressive outlets are out there, but they’re a bit harder to find because they aren’t as well funded as their (neo)liberal counterparts. I don’t always agree with them, but I’m currently listening to Brie Joy on Twitter, AOC, Nina Turner, Thom Hartmann, Tim Black, David Packman, and Ben Dixon. (I know I’m leaving out many others, but your ask caught me off guard. Just be sure to include balance - the sources shouldn’t be all male, nor should they be all white). If your friend is like a lot of “progressives,” then she probably watches a ton of MSNBC. If you can’t turn her off from that bad habit, then maybe you can watch with her and point out their constant anti-Sanders bias?

3) make it personal and keep it personal. I don’t mean that you should start name calling or anything, but what I dO mean is this: if you have a personal connection with this person, then you have a better chance of convincing them.

4) Finally, you might just have to accept that you may not be able to change her mind. And that’s okay too. Free country ‘nshit right? Sometimes we need to know when to cut bait.

Anyway, good luck. Please get back with me and let me know how it goes.

Sorry to be so long winded.

[papersniffer]

My concern with silence…

Yes maybe it is because the people on the show can’t talk about things they know…BUT there is also the dark side. The Money side. When someone has been on a show for 15years they get typecast. Harder to find other work.

Yes Jensen and Jared got work right away but it isn’t a given those jobs are going to work out...they just have jobs. People will see them as Dean and Sam for awhile…and with how shitty the finale was people aren’t to fond of them either.

Now the cast gets paid for reruns…and what happens to reruns if the show is pulled from TNT for lack of people watching it? No reruns…taken off Netflix…means no new money coming in. And what if because of protests not many new copies of the show on DVD are bought…even less money. Remember The Cosby Show when it got pulled and some of the cast had to get normal jobs because they had been living off the royalties from the reruns etc.

Not that Misha isn’t an amazing actor but I can sooo see him freaking out about the ground swell of TheySilencedYou and other such responses from us and worrying a bit about the future. The security blanket that would be the royalties from the reruns etc.

After everything going on with the last few episodes of the show I just don’t have much trust for any good motives from anyone on it. They always promised us they cared but I just don’t think anyone had the balls to truly stand up and say NO. If Jensen would have stood his ground they would have had no other choice but to fix things. He is one of the two main roles.

But once again money showed up and he had to be careful about his future too. (funny how he got a production company from Warner Brothers who own CW after agreeing to the ending.) And I 100% understand! In this crazy world nothing is a given and you have to watch your butt as much as you can. I just hate that it had to come to that after 15 years of a show that meant something.

The characters deserve better…the fans who used…emphasis on used (past tense)…the show as a comfort and an escape deserve better. I haven’t watched SPN on TNT/Netflix/CW all week since the shit show of 15x20 and sadly I have no plans to watch it again. Just seeing it listed on the guide made my stomach sick. Even the enjoyment of reading about the characters in fanfiction stopped because they turned Sam and Dean in jerks who verbally said only they mattered in the end.

Hate to tell the show but without the supporting characters to save Dean and Sam over the years they would have died years ago. And if they truly think Dean and Sam feel that way then that means for 15 years of the show those two brothers were using everyone. YUCK!

That is why the finale sucked…they tainted 15 years of messages that meant so much to us all. Family DON’T end with blood…ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING…TEAM (not just two brothers) Free Will!

And apparently they wanted us to believe not only that Jack brought back all the evil monsters that hurts those kids and families…but that Cass sat back and didn’t run down to the barn and save Dean from dying. FUCK THAT!

Now the Jack part…fine…Garth and other good monsters would not be around either (although I am sure all of them would have gladly died knowing ALL monsters were gone too)…blah…blah…blah fine…BUT CASS WOULD HAVE COME RUNNING TO SAVE DEAN.

They didn’t even call out for Jack to help! I mean come on…had it been any other season…any other episode but the last one they would have had EITHER Jack or Cass come to save Dean.

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHITTING DEATH THEY GAVE DEAN FREAKIN WINCHESTER!!! SHITTY!!!!! LET HIM GO OUT LIKE A WARRIOR NOT ON A RUSTY DAMN NAIL with the evil vampire clown posse!!!

So yeah silence seems like our friend but I fear it is more about saving their own asses than caring about our feelings. In the end it is all about money and which way would hurt the product/their futures more…and in their eyes having Dean (who clearly checked out the solider and NOT the two women when he traveled back in time and hung out with Elliot Ness) being Bi and having to admit he wasn’t this straight man would cause more damage than having the balls to let him say he liked men and women.

Money…Money…Money not Morals makes the world go round. And with the whole shit-fest of the Spanish dub and Misha saying it wasn’t even scripted to end any other way for real then what happened in 15x18 and that the change was just some rouge translator screwing up (yes sadly see Facebook and Twitter where he posted a video about it)…GRR!!!

I bled for SPN! I could have told you trivia so detailed from all 15 years. I wrote about it and i knew those characters inside and out…like ALOT of us did. They took so much from us with how they ended the show. And they still refuse to acknowledge that. But then they killed every one of Charlie’s girlfriends in all dimensions so why should we really think they care about us and what they did to us?! Until the cast speak up and say differently…I just don’t believe in any of it anymore.

They ruined SPN’s legacy…no matter how they spin all this (and they will try) it will never be the same. Such a shame.

[blacktotheblueside]

(Ex) Bobby

Summary: you just ready for bobby tah GO!!!! But he fine so you don’t know...

I was an actress that was challenging myself, I was obsessed with Korean dramas and wanted to play a part in one so my management brought me to South Korea around 3 years ago and in those years I was in a few kdramas, movies and in a public relationship with iKon’s one and only bobby. We’re currently broken up and it has just been released by none other than dispatch themselves, I’m sat with my management discussing how I’m gonna be bombarded with questions about my breakup and how I should handle it. I’m in a new drama as the main female lead and I’m going to be doing a ton of interviews he’s bound to be mentioned in a few.

I sigh as my team lay advice and all sorts. I’m very grateful I’ve been given this opportunity to act in Korea, I learnt the language when I first came and been working on it ever since hence why now I get more parts, this is the first time in one of the main characters. I just wanna focus on work but even while we’re broken up bobby still finds a way to be in my life.

~~~~

It’s 4am and my alarm goes off, I have sooo much schedules today. I don’t even try and dose off again like usual, I jump off the bed and get showered before my stylist arrives to dress me for the day...hair dressers, make up artist all that!

I’m dressed in a white baggy tee waiting for *KnockKnockKnock* they’re here.

We went with fresh faced makeup and my curly hair in a sleek low bun. For my outfit I’m wearing black skinny fit trousers and a white see through dress shirt, it’s baggy and it’s hanging off my shoulders teamed with a white bralette, yellow pump heels and yellow studs.

<My Schedule>

Inkigayo actor special mc w/ seo kang jun

Hello counsellor

Happy together foreigners working in korean entrainment

That’s all for today, I’m glad it was all shows where I won’t have to speak about bobby, all fun chatting.

~~~ Inkigayo ~~~

I walk through the corridor to get to my dressing room. I can speak korean but I still get so nervous before a show, I hate messing up! I have to get changed into something less formal, I go with a white dungaree dress with a pink off the shoulder top and pink high top converse. A long glittery chain for a belt and have my curls styled half up in a pony tail and the rest down my back.

I have 10 minutes left so I start making my way to the stage. I say hi at least 100 times on my way no joke, I bump into BTS on the way as the have a new comeback, I remained so calm I’m proud! I see kang Jun and we start chatting, we’ve met before at award shows and other tv shows, he tells me to not be scared and we head out and the crowd cheers!

We finish the show smoothly making me wonder why I was nervous to start with. I say bye to kang Jun and all the acts I see on my way out, bangtan we’re not there so I was a little disappointed I’m a huge fan of them. Next time I guess.

I’ve changed back into my first outfit and I’m on the way to my next schedule... I eat a famous inkigayo sandwich in the car while getting my hair re done and my make up touched up.

~~~ hello counsellor ~~~

I arrive just in time to say hi to all the hosts and guest...we make our way onto the set.

I’m a guest along with jay park and Jeonghan and scoups from svt. The boys show some of there new song. As for me they play a snippet of my new drama. They compliment my Korean a few times and ask about how I came over and started acting here.

Hello counsellor was so fun to shoot I got to role play with jay park on how to overcome an angry wife, I laughed and nearly even cried.

The show ends and I make my way to the car again. I change in the car thank God for tinted windows! I change into dark brown leather skirt and a light brown t shirt tucked in, with khaki sandal heels and earrings. My hair is in a high ponytail with my baby hairs styled (obviously by me)

~~~ happy together ~~~

This is the one I’m more excited for! I’ve always wanted to come on here. I make my way to my dressing room and now I’m already dressed and ready to go I’ve got time to kill, I am going out on a full stomach! I’m on my phone while I’m walking, my Social media all blowing up! I click on twitter to see my mentions all filled with articles of bobby.... curiosity gets the better of me, I see the headline “NETIZENS ARE QUESTIONING WHETHER iKON’S BOBBY AND ACTRESS Y/N ARE REALLY BROKEN UP AFTER BOBBY POSTS PHOTO OF A WOMAN’S SHADOW CAPTIONED WITH Y/N’S MOST FAMOUS LINE.”

I’m in the dressing room and I sit straight down before I fall or even worse get snapped looking at this!

I click the “read more” button and start skimming the article.

The picture is definitely me....what is he doing?! It was when we went on a date late at night near Han river, he snapped my shadow on the floor and the caption written in korean “it’s a butterfly”... omg it was a line from a movie I did, it was one of the highlights of the film as it was the tearjerker.

I don’t have time for this. My manager walks towards me and sits down ‘judging by your face you’ve seen the article.... don’t pay attention! Just go out there and pretend you’ve seen nothing’ he states. I nod slowly and sit there in silence, we broke up like nearly a month ago... why would he post this after not even trying to talk to me. Boys are so weird! I start playing games on my phone to take my mind off this distraction. I look at the time and see if I still have time for a snack bc of nerves, I don’t so I make my way to the couches. I stop and bow to the whole cast and sit on the seat, we’re all making small talk till it starts. In the interview they ask us foreigners about how we first came to Korea, how we learnt the language and first impressions of Korea when we first came. Another black person famous in Korea, Sam from Ghana was there we had so much in common. I laughed so much and we all had so much fun.

We spoke a bit about our work and I explained what my new drama was about and my character. We watched a little snippet again and some bloopers.

‘So y/n we hear you’re now single’ one of the hosts ask. Oh no....ok I’ve got this ‘yeah i am’ I smile acting like this isn’t bothering me at all. ‘Was that your first time dating a korean man?’ I nodded ‘it was’

Oohs and ahhs came from them all ‘so hows it different to guys back home?’ I think for a little bit ‘to be honest there’s not a lot of difference just the language difference I guess’ I say calmly. They nodded in agreement ‘were there any difficulties with the language barrier?’ I sigh to show them how exhausted I was in the beginning ‘oh yes, I couldn’t speak a lot of korean back when we first met. He could speak English though so I was good! But when I met his friends and family....’ I trail off a bit thinking about those times, No focus! ‘I was forced to speak so bit by bit I got better so it was awkward at first but it paid off in the end.... free korean lessons’ i say content with my answer. Sam pipes in ‘oh my I spent so much on korean lessons before I got into my first relationship!’ ‘Should’ve got in a relationship quicker’ I reply. We all laughed at his shocked face.

The show ends with a game where we guess a catchphrase by what the artist is drawing.

After the show me and Sam exchange numbers, he’s too funny to not have as a friend.

~~~~

I’m done for the day, I tell my manager I need food or else I’m going to collapse. We get pizza and fries, they drop me off home and I get undressed and ready for bed. I have a day off tomorrow so I planned to stay up late and watch my favourite shows but I’m exhausted. I hear my phone go off and it’s an unfamiliar number.... I pick up ‘hello?’ I hear breathing and just as I’m about to say hello again ‘hey y/n....’ bobby! After being together for so long I know his voice! After we broke up I blocked his number and got back to work... he probably changed it. ‘Hello?!’ Bobby says trying to see if I’m still there. ‘Bobby... what do you want?’ I get straight to the point, he sighs ‘y/n don’t...please... I just wanna see how you are! I watched you today on inkigayo’ is he being foreal? Calling as if we’re best friends catching up at the end of the day. ‘Bobby is there something you want?’ I’m tired ‘I-‘ I cut him off ‘I saw your Ig post, what was that for?’ I question. All I heard was silence, I had to pull the phone to my face so I could see whether the phone call had disconnected.

‘I wanted to talk to you...’ he started I stayed quiet he takes a deep breath ‘y/n I’m not gonna lie and say that this break up has been easy...’ oh no ‘...it really hasn’t! I just want you to give me...’ here he comes!!! ‘...one more chance’ he said it. I don’t know what to do, of course I still love him but we just to in love... so in love that we were just distracting each other from our jobs. ‘I... don’t think that’s the best option right now b’ I say quietly, I’m angry at him for ignoring me for so long and now he wants to pop up in his own time, when it’s convenient for him. ‘...I’m so busy these days... I don’t think I can handle a boyfriend, an ex at that.... right at this moment’ he sighs again, ‘you don’t think I’m busy too?’ He’s frustrated and quite frankly I don’t care ‘Don’t start with me bobby, you broke up with me, ignored me for how long and NOW you want me back?’ I state the facts to him. He groans ‘I know! And it was stupid of me, I made a dumb decision on impulse... and now I regret it every damn day!’

I re ask him ‘why did you upload that picture?’ ‘Because I wanted you to see it and the whole world to see that I’m not giving up on you, on our relationship! I don’t want anyone else’ my heart flutters a little and I hate him and me for being so weak to his sweet words.

‘I’ll think about it’ I tell him. ‘Don’t run and hide from me y/n!’ He says something I was sure I was gonna do ‘I won’t, I just need some time... this is too much for me’

‘I seen the trailer for your new drama.... I’ve been keeping up with you in the media, I’m proud of you’ I hear his smile through his words. I’ve been keeping up with him too, I won’t tell him that though ‘Thanks’ I whisper. After a few moments of silence ‘I’ll let you get to sleep now.... but don’t forget me, take everything I said into consideration.... I really want you back here with me baby’ omg I just want to forget everything and tell him to come here right this minute but that would be dumb. I just settle for a simple ‘ok’ we exchange good nights and I fall asleep really thinking about what’d it be like if we did get back together or were we better off separated.

Part 2 coming soon (black people timing)

[kathillards]

rangerstop 2019 memories

every convention i think “it can’t get better than this” and then every convention it DOES!!! anyway this was the year of #brodysbitches click the read more to check out all the good times we had:

so first of all we all got a booth! and by “we all” i mean abbey @kimberlyannharts​ and ben @brodyromero​ to sell their art, it was called super mega art and it was super mega fun! we all hung out there a lot but we also walked around to meet the rangers and lot of them stopped by to hang out with us too which was so sweet :’)

(if you’re interested in our rangerstop 2018 memories, check out tabby @operationoverdrive​‘s post here; i’m gonna steal her format and go in chronological order by season because ohmygod so much happened all the time!!)

carla perez / rita repulsa, mmpr

carla is literally the nicest warmest person in the world i’m ready to lay down my life for her! she exudes fun mom energy and she’s so pretty and she was so happy to talk with us about rita, i think we visited her booth pretty much every day and also said hi every time she passed by our booth

we told her that we loved rita and stan villainesses!! and she loved it! and that we loved her portrayal of rita as more fun and childish and full of energy and she said yeah, the directors asked her to take rita in a new direction when she was cast while still staying true to who rita was so she decided to make rita more childish and fun with the sticking out her tongue and everything and we told her it was perfect bc rita with her tongue out is literally iconic

tabby asked how she felt about rita turning good and she said she liked it bc she got to be on screen without all the rita makeup/wardrobe but she also loved playing evil rita! i asked her if she heard about thrax and she was like OH YEAH I HEARD THEY GAVE US A SON but she definitely had not watched it (respect) and we were trying to figure out how thrax could exist and we collectively decided (mostly tabby and carla) that thrax was adopted and rita and zedd were trying to turn him good, which she loved

tabby showed her the mean girls video and she fucking loved it so much!!! she was SO impressed by how tabby manipped rita and tommy making out and she went around telling everybody “she made me kiss jdf!!” which was sooo cute and when abbey and i went to see her on our own and i was like “i heard you saw the mean girls video” she said “i did!! she’s so cute and talented!” about tabby, we love a tabby thunderpunks stan!!

we went to get a video message from her and melody for kels (cassiechans on twitter) because kels is the og villainess stan and they were so excited and REHEARSED what they were gonna say (we just asked them to do “the voice” and say “live fast die young bad girls do it well”, they came up with everything else!) and here they are, aren’t they the literal cutest things on the planet?!?!

she loved abbey’s zedd/rita design and wanted a shirt but we didn’t have her size so she told abbey to dm her when her online store is open!!!! she also signed my zedd/rita print with “bad girls do it well” bc i asked and i would DIE FOR HER

catherine sutherland / kat hillard, mmpr/zeo/turbo pink

so the first night we get to the hotel, tabby tells me to close my eyes and come over and she hands me A PINK ZEO RANGER FUNKO POP, custom made by jalenv515 on instagram (check his stuff out!) and i lost my mind because its SO good and it’s my girl and i love it and tabby and katherine so much <3 the guy who made it asked her to ask me to get a pic with it so ofc i had to do that and show catherine 

she definitely did not remember us from the last two cons we saw her at but you know what i respect that! queen of being too popular to remember faces (brennan mejia take notes) but i think she did remember me after this time :’)

i said “so tabby actually got me this as a gift because i literally love kat hillard so much she is my entire soul” and she was SO touched and delighted to see the funko pop she was like “oh my god this is so cool!” and i was like, she’s going on the center of my power rangers shrine for reals

we asked her which season she liked better for kat and she said zeo but me and tabby were like “no, turbo rights only” and listed off the amazing kat episodes in turbo and she agreed with us that the episode with the ballerina and the weight gain episode were so good! i think she says zeo automatically bc it’s her only full season and dudebros love it so she was probably surprised that we were like fuck zeo lives turbo is skinny but... turbo IS skinny :)

i asked if she read soul of the dragon and she said she did! and i said it was the only comic i read bc i have to read everything kat is in and she laughed and she said she liked it and i said i loved that kat and tommy were a partnership but i was mad kat didn’t get to morph! and she was like “i know! but it has to be all about tommy as ALWAYS” with an EYE ROLL and me and tabby were ascending THE SHADE...I LOVE HER SO MUCH

we took a pic with her holding the funko pop and then i posted the pic on instagram w/ a cheesy caption of how much i love kat and she commented “aww you are too sweet” with a pink heart emoji... my actual mother who raised me

AND THEN at the end of the last day when we were standing around waiting to say goodbyes, she was heading out and we all started saying GOODBYE QUEEN and she stopped when she saw me and said she loved the pic and the pop on instagram!!!! she remembered me!!!!! and i told her the guy who made them was really happy she liked it and he’s working on more kat pops including unmorphed kat and turbo kat and she was so thrilled!!

nakia burisse / tanya sloan, zeo/turbo yellow

so because the originals are kinda super overpriced we do not get pics w/ most of them ever dfgjkdfd IM SORRY NAKIA I <3 YOU FOREVER but she looked so beautiful in all her outfits this con im gay

but anyway i was walking around the con by myself in my yellow shirt and i passed her booth and said hi and she said she liked my shirt!! and i was like thank you its for the yellow ranger culture

she was selling these rangers as infinity war t-shirts and i asked if she designed them and she said she did!! they were so cool i almost bought one but deadass i had no fucking room left in my luggage lmao

anyway her handler was looking at me and he goes “aren’t there like..... three of you?” and im like yeah they’re not here rn but we are codependent so i cant buy anything without them dfhgkfhd and hes like “yeah i worked other cons and i remember seeing y’all as a unit” which dfhjgkdfhgd HE WAS NOT THE ONLY HANDLER TO REMEMBER US SPECIFICALLY and i said “ur right we cant function without each other” and nakia was like “aww i love that” queen of supporting our codependent dumbasses!!

melody perkins / astronema, karone, lost galaxy pink

she is soooo nice she has this high-pitched voice it’s so sweet i always feel so soothed whenever she speaks near me she is also so pretty!! 

the others talked to her without me on day 1 and melody said she liked astronema’s purple wig best and didn’t like the white wig w/ the black things in it bc they kept getting in her way, and she loved karone’s outfit because it was easier to fight in

i went with abbey to drop off her astronema doodle for melody and she loved it!! shes so cuuuute

she was so excited to do the video message for kels and it was so adorable when she messed up the first time (live fast die well bad girls do it young!) lmaoo and we showed her kels’ reaction later and she was so flattered!! she also looks so cute in her reading glasses and she LOVED the mean girls video too!!!!!!!

we told her that we hosted a villainess appreciation week online and so many people picked astronema as their faves and she was so touched <3 a literal angel sent from heaven

ann marie crouch / princess shayla, wild force

only there saturday and sunday, limited edition queen! we met her on saturday so kat could get her fanart from gazbot signed and she was ofc in her princess shayla dress and looked soooo pretty

she was so impressed by gazbot’s art that she asked we take him over to her booth and we were all like OKAY PRINCESS COMING THROUGH MAKE WAY FOR THE PRINCESS and took her over to meet him and he was so happy and she was also happy and it was just so nice.... god i love ranger cons! everyone loves power rangers! its the dream!

and then after that we took her to our booth bc it was just two away from gazbot’s and she loved it everyone always loves ben and abbey’s art bc its the greatest in the world :’)

glenn mcmillan / dustin brooks, ninja storm yellow

first of all, ben abbey and i saw him passing by while we were having dinner at gatorville and we all GASPED and he noticed and grinned and waved at us while he was walking by.... an angel literally an angel

he’s so cute and sweet! he wore his yellow shirt w/ dustin’s logo on it all three days, king of branding

i got abbey’s dustin sticker signed by him and she gave him one of his own and he loved itttt

tabby asked him about his role in zenon z3 and you could tell his brain was processing loading while he tried to rmr what the fuck that movie was but he got into it and actually answered her questions about it, it was so sweet

i overheard him telling another fan he was trying to get “sally and the others” to morphicon for a reunion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! come to pmc next september pasadena california to see if he succeeds

john tui / doggie cruger, spd shadow, daggeron, solaris knight

LITERALLY THE STAR ATTRACTION every time we passed by his booth his line was a mile long, meanwhile all the originals’ booths right across from him were like [crickets chirping] it was so funny lmao

so we only got to see him on the last day bc his line was so long and nobody wanted to stand in it but tabby wanted to meet him! and then she got scared and almost walked away but a really nice girl (i think part of chris khayman lee’s team??) stopped her and was like THIS IS UR MOMENT and it was!!!

he is literally so sweet and handsome and cuddly he’s just a big teddy bear and he’s soooo charming and nice, he was wearing a manbun and like a full suit w/ a dress shirt, absolutely flexing on all the other boys in their t-shirts and jeans

tabby asked if he would do a pose holding her hand like he’s about to kiss it and he laughed and was like “okay but don’t show my wife!!” loyal king

he also hugged her twice hes so cuddly!! and we asked him about his other roles (he was in solo!) and he said he really enjoys expanding his filmography and stuff but power rangers is close to his heart and he also really likes doing parts that his kids can watch... it was the cutest thing

and we said how cool it was to see him represent his culture and he said he loved that too ugh rangers of color only valid rangers tbhonest honestly

richard brancatisano / xander bly, mystic force green

ok so firass is really hot and at one point he stopped by our table (bc richard called him over to look at abbey’s nick and fireheart print) and he was really nice but he’s. he’s so hot. we did not go to his table all weekend bc we were so intimidated hfdghfgd so thats why he doesnt get a section. but i do still love him i just cant speak w/ him or my brain will turn to jello probably

nic also won’t get a section bc i didnt really interact w/ him much but he stopped by the table twice to talk w/ abbey he loved her and her art!! chip squared!! he ranted about how hard it was to say fireheart in an american accent for all of them it sounded cute go talk to abbey for more details

anyway back to richard: somehow we just attract green rangers like bees to honey and idk why but i’m not complaining he’s so nice and handsome and funny! and he just LOVED talking with us like we stopped by his table every day and i dont think we even talked about mystic force or anything in particular, we were just chatting and he just loved it and like never wanted us to leave basically

i did ask him a question about xander’s personality and he legit went “uhh idk” and then started talking about himself???? KING OF NOT KNOWING SHIT ABOUT HIS OWN CHARACTER love that for him bc i also dont know shit about xander

he stopped by the table a couple times (well mostly we yelled HEY RICHARD and he came over) and he was so sweet and also when we told him we didn’t have xander art at our booth he jokingly rolled his eyes and said “of course” but then ben and abbey both doodled xander and came over to show him and he was SO TOUCHED 

he hugged us all goodbye individually and then at the end we were waiting to say goodbye to aljin, richard was leaving his booth and abbey waved at him and his eyes LIT UP and he switched course to walk over to us and say goodbye again!!!! he loves us and i love him so much!!!

dwayne cameron / tyzonn, operation overdrive mercury

OPERATION OVERDRIVE IS WIG!

hes so fun to talk to, we went to him on day 1 to get my tyzonn print (from gazbot) signed and we were just talking to him about all his roles and tabby asked “was that ur real hair” and he was like lmao no can’t you tell?? and was talking about how they originally were gonna dye his hair platinum blonde but he thought it looked awful so they went w/ the ugly wig and he said they wanted to differentiate him from his previous two power rangers characters so tyzonn had to be blond

and then he kept saying wig and we kept giggling about it and we had to explain to him that wig is teen slang for something really cool and awesome and he said to try it out and gestured with his arms and it was SO funny... king of memes

my first suggestion for a video message was to have him say “operation overdrive is the best season ever and if you dont like it go suck a dick” but he vetoed that (but he was laughing) lmao

and HE’S the one who suggested he say “operation overdrive is wig” and it was perfect go check out the video on my blog 

he hugged me so tight and kissed my cheek after our pic together and i love him so much

aljin abella / theo martin, jungle fury blue

SHORT KING!!! literally the kindest nicest sweetest person ever i just wanna be in his presence all the time he’s such a ray of light he’s so smart and remembers fucking everything about his season KING OF JUNGLE FURY

his fiancee was there with him!! her name is lyndie she’s sooooo nice and she LOVED abbey’s shirts and bought an alpha one and wore it two days in a row! i fucking loved her she was so much fun to talk to and she told us about their proposal story it was so romantic and sweet

he told us so many things about jungle fury behind the scenes and how it was filming stuff and everything i honestly cant even rmr but i loved how much he knew, he told us that the actress who played fran was dating the actor who played master swoop at the time of filming and we were all like omfg (how random?? but cute)

he said he thinks theo and lily are probably still together but even if they’re not they’re still bffs bc they have such a rich history between them :’) brennan mejia take fucking notes

he said he thought they were gonna leave the theo/lily plot hanging after dance the night away and he was surprised it coming back!! but he really enjoyed it and he loves anna and i told him to get a jungle fury reunion together at pmc

he told us that this is just the first time he’s ever been properly invited to a con (i think he was sponsored by one of the toy booths or smth); people would ask him casually “hey would you wanna come to a con” and he was down but nobody ever actually officially invited him till now so @ PEOPLE WHO SPONSOR ACTORS TAKE NOTES INVITE MORE DISNEY ERA PEOPLE thank you

at the end we went to say goodbye to him and lyndie, he had been saying goodbye to some other ppl so we waited in line politely and as soon as he turned around and saw us he smiled so big and was like YOU GUYS! GROUP HUG! and he only group hugged the five of us because he loved us so much and he was so cute!! i wanna hug him forever, literally a blue angel sent from heaven

rj cyler / billy cranston, reboot blue

TALL KING!! his section goes after aljin specifically so i could say that

he is soo tall and SO handsome and FUNNY and CUTE and charming and he hugged EVERYONE AS SOON AS HE SAW US he’s so bouncy and excited and just. good vibes. so many good vibes!!!

the energy around his booth is just so much fun he’s ALWAYS laughing and joking and talking with literally anybody he sees, sometimes he did get distracted like when bl*ke f*ster (vomit.emoji) or walter jones would come up to his table and he was also late a lot but i would wait forever and ever.mp3

as soon as tabby walked w/ her blue ranger plushie he goes OH MY DAMN and immediately asks to hold it and just spends five minutes bouncing around cuddling it TEDDY BEAR PRINCE CHARMING <333

he said he already owns 3 and was like “i dont wanna own EVERYTHING w/ my character because that seems weird?” and kat was like “no that’s king behavior” and he was like u kno wat... ur right

tabby talked to him about scream and abbey talked to him about swamp thing when we went back to him on sunday bc my friends are fuckin nerds go ask them about their convos w/ him!! abbey asked him why he was always dying in water and he was like I KNOW and he said he didnt like death scenes bc they made him be still and he’s so bouncy and hates being still and quiet dfgjkkdfdgk

we got two super cute polaroids with him and our whole group i will post them later maybe on twitter? THEYRE SO CUTE I LOVE HIMMMM

james davies / chase randall, dino charge black

ohhh my god he’s so sweet.... he also looks So good w/ a beard.... he’s literally just so nice! he always smiles so big and looks right in your eyes when he talks to you and he’s just...so sweet. when we went back and watched true black in the hotel room we were so weirded out by chase being such an asshole bc its sooo different from james’ entire personality lmao

showed him ben’s chase print and he loved it <33 he signed mine “chase the hotshot” bc i asked him to and i love it

idk what we talked about tbh he’s so pretty.... he started interviewing kat when she asked him to sign her print which was super funny bc we were all like For Why djkfghdg he just wants to get to know everyone...its cute

he asked us “whats the difference between a pillow and a cushion” and we all had a mini existential crisis trying to figure it out

idk what else to say hes just really cool and i hope he comes back bc i would love to see the whole dino charge cast vibing together

brennan mejia / tyler navarro, dino charge red

what a man what a man what a mighty good man.mp3

first time he passed by our booth on day one we all gasped BRENNAN and he waved hi :D he’s very easily distracted he was only at his booth like half the time lmao

i also called him over later to show him ben’s print and he was like omg this is so cool and i was like do u remember him (ben) from last year and he was like of course! idk if he was lying but hes cuuuute

we yelled at him for saying tyler/shelby would break up last year and he laughed but he REFUSED to take back his WRONG opinion even after kat made him sign “tyler + shelby forever” on her print, king of being stubborn

kat asked him if he wanted to make out w/ her tiny pink dino charge figure and he was like i really DONT wanna do that, he was laughing but it was cute bc he didnt even try to humor us at all (the way other actors do when we say “oh we loved this part!” and they go oh yeah totally same lmaoo) just kept joking around with us like we were FRIENDS

WE ASKED HIM TO SING FOR US first i asked for the triceratops song and he was like ummmmmmm so then we suggested the n-zed boys song and he was like ok but i dont rmr the lyrics so ben had to teach them to him and then he asked if ben would sing it with him and i told him to ask nicely and he made PUPPY DOG EYES at ben and well #bennanfirstwin

(we tried to get james to sing after that, and brennan begged him to sing too BECAUSE HE’S A PROFESSIONAL SINGER and actually got cast in hairspray??? omg? but he started blushing and refused every single time we asked dfhgjdd hes so cute!!! he also apparently choreographed the tyler/shelby dance in that episode, multitalented king of the arts)

we talked to him about pokemon and he said he’s getting shield but he hasnt picked a starter yet bc he hasnt seen the evolutions and we (me and ben) were like, well do u wanna see the leaks? and he was like JSUT the evolutions so the next day i saved some pics and went back to him and he looked thru them and he said he liked them all but he really liked the grookey final evo so for all you pokefans out there, that’s where he stands (he also let us add him on pogo altho he does not open gifts ever so far so what is the POINT of you brennan)

he also played smash on the switch w/ our friend jobber and apparently CRUSHED HIM, nerdy ass bitch. love him so much

we mentioned we loved tyler’s og curly hair in s1 and he says it was so hard to maintain bc curly hair does whatever it wants so he likes his new straight hairstyle better bc he can make it do what he wants and like, same, but also :(

he also vibe checked tabby’s phone and it was fucking awesome

literally every time we were talking to james or will or anyone else and he was around and we locked eyes w/ him he would grin or make a funny face god he’s soooo cute. he also commented on my insta post of him doing a handstand and i lost it hes SO CUTE!! the only man in the world except for.......

william shewfelt / brody romero, ninja steel red

BRODY ROMERO FIRST, GOD SECOND

literally the first thing i blurted out was i love you thank you for brody romero i love seeing a desi character on power ranger SO much and he was just completely shocked that we all KNEW he was desi and he was like, yeah my mom’s indian but my dad’s caucasian and i was like so what bitch you STILL COUNT 

he was, like, so touched that we knew and cared about him being desi and was like “wow you guys really know a lot” and kat the traitor was like “yeah they stalked you to figure out who tf you are” dfgjkdfhgd and we mentioned jasmeet and ppl thinking he was the first indian ranger and will was like “yeah i heard about that and i didnt wanna make it a big thing but...” LIKE HONEY PLEASE WE GOT SHOOTERS OUT HERE FOR BRODY ROMERO 

its so overwhelming to even think about bc brody romero is literally LITERALLY my favorite ranger of all time and we spent SO MUCH time talking to will and all of it was fucking amazing i’ll try to point out the highlights but god there was just so much i love him SO much

he talked a lot about the time he spent in new zealand (bc zali and nari were there from australia and talking to him about it) and he told us a lot of stories about the cast getting drunk and having fun, he told us about the time he and the boys went w/ jordi to his home and learned about maori culture and he had to eat bugs and about the time nico got blackout drunk at star casino and made out w/ a completely random girl and they all gave him hell for it later lmao

he was having so much fun talking to us that at one point a random dudebro came up and brennan was around the booth and we were like “oh did you wanna buy something” and dudebro was like “no i just wanted to show them my comic” which literally was just an mmpr comic and he wasn’t even paying for anything what the fuck?? and will took one look at him and his comic and went “uh one second man” and turned back to us and completely ignored him until he went away and we all DIED laughing i love him SO much (sorry to brennan for leaving him w/ the dudebro lol)

at some point he was talking about other actors that he’s met and i asked if he’s seen other seasons and he made the :grimace: emoji and was like no and i was like good keep it that way ninja steel is the only season :) and he started laughing and was like COME OVER HERE AND HUG ME i could stay wrapped in his arms forever tbh

he called himself daddy once and everyone yelled at him

he said everyone in the ninja steel cast would just kiss each other on the mouth, but platonically, and kelson kissed all of them at least once and he kissed nico twice and it was just like, a thing they did and we were all like okay.gif but it was so cute

he said he felt bad for chip bc the cast was always asking him to adjust things and bringing up their own ideas for writing (things we know from peter complaining about chip’s writing and trying to get his own ideas in...) and said he preferred to not annoy him w/ all of that BUT he did say he got annoyed himself when chip would direct episodes and be VERY particular about exactly how he wanted them to act and we were like fuck him is he an actor??? and he laughed... he literally thought we were so funny even tho we are not at all lmao

at one point he was talking about how jordi was shirtless a lot and had big boobs (his words) and i said, on instinct, “tits out for ninja steel” and he goes what?? and asked me to repeat it and i had a brief moment of panic but i did repeat “tits out for ninja steel” thru my giggles and he burst into laughter again dfhjkgdfd TO BE CLEAR i should not have said that pls dont say that to actors’ faces he so easily could’ve made it uncomfortable or creepy (some actors...not mentioned in this post...are fucking creepy) but he didnt bc hes an angel so i guess its fine

every time we were hovering around brennan’s table on day 3 tabby says will kept looking over in our direction i think he missed us bc we were actually fun to talk to and not fucking dudebros trying to tell him the plots of seasons he does not give a shit about bc he wasnt in them (literally u do not need to explain the plot of dino thunder to actors who were not in dino thunder, pls calm down) and also bc he loves us :)

we all went in to save him from a dudebro at one point by just asking him random questions and the dudebro KEPT HOVERING like trying to be in the conversation as if we were FRIENDS with him (dont do this unless ur paying the actor for his time!!! he wasn’t even buying anything he was like “i’m just here to talk” bitch get his autograph or GO) and the dudebro tried to flex on us by being like “oh were you guys at th power morphicon with the yoshi and peter hug” and tabby got confused (bc we were at the next pmc and said yes) and kat just lied and said yes bc she hates dudebros and ben (the only truthful person) said no and abbey said yes and then will turned his head all the way around to me on the side and was like “were you there?” and i mean... i wasnt....but he wouldnt stop looking at me WHAT WAS I GONNA DO, DISAPPOINT HIM? so i said yes :) 

after the dudebro FINALLY fucking left kat was like “oh thank god we can leave now” and will was so confused until he realized “were you guys just trying to save me from talking to him” and he laughed and was so touched he was like “thank you guys you can see how my face just goes dead when they talk to me” dfhgjkdfg and we were like literally send up the bat signal any time you need us to save you and he said we were the best people to talk to the whole con and he loved ussss

at one point we were talking about indian rep in power rangers and he looks at ME and goes “so what do you think of jazz as desi rep” and idk will what am i supposed to think when you’re staring into my soul??? i said he was cool and i liked ravi but he wasn’t red and i’m red ranger ride or die so :) i just love brody romero so fucking much idk what else i was supposed to say.... ur literally ingrained in my soul william NOBODY ELSE CAN COME CLOSE

i asked “how much money do i have to pay to get you to arm wrestle brennan for me” and he was like “i dont know if there’s enough money in the world but you can ask brennan” and i called brennan over like “brennan will you please arm wrestle will for me” and he DID and it was so fun they were having such a good time, in the second round we all started chanting NINJA STEEL NINJA STEEL and you can see brennan getting shook by that for a second and then later will told us he appreciated our chanting so much and we were like yeah man, ninja steel FOREVER anyway here are the videos: one and two :) (they did not make me pay for it, generous kings)

(and the next day when we went to brennan’s booth like the first thing he does is whip out his phone, show us a video his handler took of the arm wrestling match and go WILLIAM CHEATED. me: and what about it?.gif)

we got a polaroid of all of us + brennan + will (brennan had to phone will to get him to come back to the booth at our request, ty king, and will came right over and brennan was like “sry if we interrupted something” and will was like nah not at all, idk what brennan said but i like to imagine he came running bc he heard it was us lol) and then he refused to let me pay when i came back to get him to autograph it GENEROUS KING OF MY HEART.MP3

brennan signed the polaroid first and his signature took up the whole bottom part of the polaroid and we yelled at him for not leaving any room for will and he was like “oh whoops....well he can sign THE BACK” i love it when he sasses us; so then we went to show will and he was like wow brennan and then signed his autograph EVEN BIGGER in sparkly silver pen all over the top so basically they had a dick-measuring contest over my polaroid and it was awesome, will’s is bigger tho B)

he also followed me and ben on instagram after day 2 and then EARLIER TODAY (11/13) he was stalking and followed ben’s personal acct and also reposted his ninja steel art onto his story and tagged him so in conclusion, brody romero first god second

WAIT IM NOT DONE when we went to say goodbye we were like “oh are you packing up soon” and he was so sparkly eyed over us chilling at his table he was like “nah im not” and then he looked at his phone and it was half hour till the con closed and he was like “oh wait never mind i guess i am” lmaoo king of not keeping track of time AND THEN HE HUGGED US ALL GOODBYE IN A BIG GROUP HUG and his biceps almost crushed abbey

(btw brennan did not hug us goodbye this time i think he was jealous we spent all our time gushing over will) (im kidding we still love you brennan)

william shewfelt i would die for you

phew ok i think that’s pretty much everything??? we also made a lot of cool friends w/ artists and stuff!! we talked to gazbot a lot and that was super fun, the girls next to our booth made custom power rangers pillows and they were really cool! i think kat, tabby, and ben all bought pillows from them they were really soft and cute, we talked to ceevee a lot (he actually gave me his extra exhibitor badge bc his brother couuldnt make it and then a different artist saw my badge saying “ceevee illustrations” and gave me a sticker for free because “you work for chris and he’s awesome” dfhgjdfhd i went back and paid him tho bc you dont take free shit from artists, kids! pay them for their work!) spent a lot of time yelling (nicely) at ceevee to make a poppy pin and he said he would bump it up the list for me :)

other cool stuff:

catherine posting me on insta

jessica replying to this post of super mega art + azim liking it

mike ginn replying to this tweet thread even tho he hasn’t been online in 12 days

check out our twitters for even more details that i undoubtedly missed in this post: me / tabby / kat / ben / abbey

in conclusion: POWER MORPHICON 2020 LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

[spidxysense]

Back to You | 1

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

A/N: I told you guys I'd update to the best of my abilities!!! Hope you guys enjoy, just a bit of a filler, next chapter will be pretty intense so watch out for that. As always I hope you enjoy. I'll clean up the whole post tomorrow if there's a laptop or computer nearby since I'm just updating via cellphone.

Word count: not quite sure.

Prologue | 1 | 2

3 months later

“I’m home!” You hear the door slam from inside of what’s become your room and you het up from your seat, hoodie and sweatpants still on.

“I see you still look the same as when I left you this morning.” Troye gives you a pointed look that has you staring at him with an unamuzed face as you slumped your shoulders, “And not in a mood to joke around, I see.” He pulls out a bottle of wine that clinks with the other bottes in the paper bag and hands it over to you, “That’s for you, my little alcoholic.” He pats your head.

You sit down at the table, your right knee brought close to your chest and your left leg up on the chair as well, “How is the outside world?” You place the bottle on the table, “Is loaf bread still a thing?”

Troye snorts in laughter, “She finally speaks! And bonus, actually made a witty quip.” He ducks down to place the detergents under the sink, “I don’t think I’ve seen you sober without a hangover in two months.” He sits down on the chair in front of you and smiles sadly at you, he reaches across the table, squeezing your hand, “How are you today, love?”

You sigh, pulling your hood off, and taking out the bun in your hair before redoing it, “I don’t know, I still feel like shit.”

“Obviously.” He mutters under his breath, “You two were together for 3 years, you can’t just fucking break that up and not feel like shit for a long time.” He scoffs, “You can do sooo much better, Y/N.” His eyes soften up, “You know, he called me again today. I bullshitted him, obviously, he also asked about why my landline wasn’t in service.”

You eye the wire from the phone that you cut when you’d heard his voice from the answering machine, and you give him an apologetic look.

“And your sister called again too. She was worried.”

You sigh, rubbing your face in frustration, “I just cant talk to them right now. I don’t want to have to talk about him when I’m this out of it. They loved him so much.”

Troye sighs and stands up, walking behind your chair and undoes your bun, brushing his fingers through your hair, getting the tangles out, “Look Y/N. When you showed up on my doorstep three months ago soaking wet with blisters on your feet, I told you to do what you need for as long as you need to. I told you to stay for as long as you needed to. But for the past three months, you’ve been getting drunk and crying over him, this isn’t getting over it anymore, it’s just regression.” He grabs you by the shoulders and turns you to face him, “You are a strong independent woman, and I absolutely love having you here with me, but some things need to change.” He pulls you up and over to your room, “You room is a literal pig-sty.”

He runs over to your laptop, “And you can’t keep getting updates on him.” He shows you the articles opened up on your browser from months ago as he closes them one by one.

“Tom Holland steps out looking fresh from a cry with red puffy eyes and disheveled hair.” Closed.

“Tom Holland eats alone at restaurant, phone glued to his ear as he tries to contact Y/N?” Closed.

“Tom Holland takes dog Tessa out for a walk lookng tired and depressed.” Closed.

“Spider-man actor quitting franchise over relationship problems?” I point an accusing finger towards the article, “In my defense, I got a lot of shit for that, and I didn’t defend myself even if it was just clickbait because I promised myself that I wouldn’t go on social media!” Closed.

“Oh I’ll get to that.” He nudged your shoulder pushing you to sit on the bed.

“Tom Holland caught getting emotional on the phone.” Closed.

“Trouble in paradise? Tom spotted out once again, without Y/N in sight.” Closed.

“Tom Holland, spotted out and about, Y/N still as phone background, have the two worked out their problems?”

“Y/N spotted for the first time in months looking haggard as she grabs a bite to eat at local London Bakery.” He gives you a deadpanned look, “Seriously?”

You shrug, “That’s on you. You were gone for the whole day and I had nothing to eat.”

He sighs, closing the browser window with multiple tabs about Tom still opened, “Sweetie, you have got to stop caring so much. I understand that you love him and you two were in love.” He makes a stupid mushy face, “But he hurt you! Live your life, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”  He opens the next browser window still opened on Tom’s instagram and twitter, “Exhibit B.” He gives you a look before closing the browser.

“You’ve written so many good songs too! But you won’t even share them with the world.” He sat down next to you, clicking around on your laptop before the room is filled with your voice, singing.

You look over at him, “You really think they’re good?”

“I have literally cried with you at night while you would sing.”

You sigh, “I can’t sing right now. I just don’t feel like I can release at album where I’m at emotionally.”

“Then sell some of these to musicians who will, your songs deserve to be heard around the world. And for goodness’ sake, Y/N. Read this will you? It’s been in the mail bin for a month now, they’ve wanted to meet with you for a while now.” He throws a script on your bed

“You aren’t this stupid crying child, Y/N. You are fabulous and you didn’t need a man before Tom, why the hell would need one now?” He has his hands on his hips, “The Y/N I know is better than this. So unless you plan on being her again, then I’m gonna have to cut you off.” He grabs the half finished wine bottle on your dresser before slamming the door shut behind him, “Clean up your room and I’ll call uou when we need to leave to have lunch outside for once.”

You look over at the script on the bed, “The Greatest Showman”, and turn to the first page.

----------------------------------

“Yeah, I just finished reading the script.” You speak into the phone you kept for business, “I love it.”

“Wait-” Your manager’s voice sounds excited on the other end, “Does this mean you’re going to do it?”

You bite your lip, “Yeah. I think I am, I’m done with this. I don’t want to sit around getting drunk and cry all the time. I’ll send you some compositions I’ve been making these past few months, maybe find some artists who could use the sound on their albums.”

“Th-this is great news, Y/N!” She practically shouts into the phone, “Alright, this is perfect. We’ll fly you out the LA in a few days and you can meet with the directors, meet with the rest of the cast. They’ll be so happy to hear this, I mean, you were their first choice.” she sighs happily, “Alright, well I’ll go ahead and email you the details. I’ll get on the phone with them asap so we can arrange this whole thing!” She pasues, “I’m really proud of you, Y/N.”

“Does this mean you don’t want to be my roommate anymore?” You turn to see Troye pouting with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

You roll your eyes, holding out your arms for a hug, “No way. You’re my bitch forever now.” You laugh, “Thanks for the tough love.” He rubs your back while hugging you, “I really needed it.”

“Ugh, I know you did. It sucked having to be so mean to you.” He pulls away from you, “But please don’t ever ever wear anything like what you were wearing in that article, you looked like garbage.” He scoffs at you, “Now go get dressed and we can talk all about your new movie over lunch!" He squeals.

_________________________

"So glad you could make it, Y/N." Michael leans over to give you a handshake which you take gratefilly, "Hopefully the flight wasn't too tough on you. You've been in London so long, I'm sure you'd have jetlag coming back here."

"It was great! I'm so sorry about not getting back to you sooner, I was gling through some stuf-"

He holds his open palm, "Oh, say no more. I understand, you've been very strong amidst your relationship problems and have stayed above it." He compliments you, taking a bite out of his grilled chicken.

Ylu paste on a tense smile, "We all deal with it in our own ways." You sigh, remembering the days you'd spend drinking glass after glass of wine or whatever liquor was available.

"Anyway, so we wanted you for the role of Anne Wheeler, a pink haired trapeze artist and acrobat who falls in love with Hugh Jackman's business partner and protege, Philippe Carlyle." He ponders for a while, "Obviously we had you in mind for Anne, and we also had Ben Hardy in mind for Philippe, but since you were taking a while to give your answer, we honestly did start approaching other people for the roles and since Ben wasn't too keen on the role after finding out we might be going for Zendaya, it was just more work to get done before the production even started, but now that we have you aboard, everything's going according to plan!"

You clench your glass of water at the mention of Zendaya, you were definitely not feeling well enough to be around too many people, "So…" you play with the table napkin, tearing it to smaller bits and pieces starting at the corner, "When does filming start?"

He munches on some mashed potatoes, "We were hoping to start next month so it would probably.take a good 3 to 5 months to shoot, but your filming would probably be shorter since this is focused more in Hugh's character."

You clasp your hands together, "Perfect, I love it!"

"So, we'll send over the contract within a day or two to your manager, and we'll just pick up from there." He stands up to give you a quick hug.

__________________________________

You hop out the car, walking straight to the elevator in your hotel, your manager following closely behind, "He's your phone. Troye told me you broke it after throwing it against the wall." She looks over at me nervously, "I thought it'd be good for you to listen to his voice every now and then."

You take it without saying a word and stuf fit in your pocket, ignoring the constant dings and alerts coming from it as your manager gets off at the 12 floor. You grip the phone tight in your hand. You knew you didn't hate Tom, you walk out the elevator and towards your room, kicking off your shoes and finding more comfortable clothes to wear.

You could never hate him. But a part of you was afraid of all the messages he'd left you you were scared that if you opened them, you'd come crawling back to him, or if you heard him pleading for you to come back, you'd do it in a heartbeat.

You lie in bed, pondering over the phone, technically, you didn't need to open the messages.

0601 you hear a 'click' before a picture of your scrunched up face as Tom kisses your cheek greets you and you feel your heart ache. You open the photo gallery, and while your scrolling through all the pictures and videos, you accidentally press kn a video.

"I am with a child." You laugh as you watch him,it was raining in London, but you two were out and about, "Babe, let's get back to the car. We can just drive there."

You point the camera towards him as he jumps in a puddle, laughing loudly, pulling you along, "What are you doing with that umbrella? Get over here!" He pulls the umbrella away, "I love you." He mumbles before embracing you and giving you a kiss.

You pull away, giving him a look, "We're gonna be late to the movies, you know."

He shrugs, grinning at you and looking you like a lovesick puppy, he pulls you in again, "It's just the movies." He grins against your lips.

And then suddenly the video cuts and you're left there missing him and missing who the two of you used to be.

You smile sadly at the black screen, clutching it closer to your chest as you hug your phone, the closest thing you had to Tom, as you drift off to sleep.

[wildefiction]

Hunger: Two

PAIRING: Jared x Reader

WORD COUNT: 3,801

CHAPTER(S): 2/?

SUMMARY: When reader isn’t attending a Supernatural Convention, she’s preparing for the next one. Staying busy is the only thing that keeps her sane. While it’s difficult for some people to understand her motives, one person will show her that he knows exactly what she’s going through. Will Jared be able to make the reader believe she deserves to be loved or is she too far gone already?

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Anxious Reader, Touch Aversion, Inner Mean Girl

In through your nose...out through your mouth. 

A skin-numbing tingle spread through your limbs, your mind swimming with the implications of Jared’s request as you shuffled down the hallway stretching through the quiet hotel. New knots twisted themselves into a worrisome frenzy the closer you came to the large theater room where autographs were scheduled to take place. Your hands trembled just slightly. Clenching your cold fingers into fists and with the aid of several more deep breaths you found yourself pushing through the anxiety threatening to debilitate you. 

Familiar black curtains were erected in each of the four corners of the ballroom. Low-hanging chandeliers cast a warm glow over each station. You knew Jared sat behind one of those panels. You knew you’d have to join him - acting as if everything was normal. As if you did this all the time. 

But then again, maybe you were overthinking the situation. It's not like he'd confessed his undying love for you. Maybe he just appreciated that you were a hard worker? His compliment from the previous day floated back through your subconscious and your cheeks flushed with a sudden warmth.

Steeling your nerves, you quietly slipped through the crowds of people all chatting amongst themselves, their faces lit with excitement as they waited for their time in front of the guests.

With a final deep breath, straightening your posture to appear as tall and confident as possible, you proceeded to walk through the last few bodies as you approached Clif, knowing well enough that if he was around, Jared and Jensen weren’t far away. 

As luck would have it, you had chosen the correct table and the smile you plastered across your face was mostly genuine as Jared came into view. 

He’d begun signing moments before; a young girl with wide eyes clutching a cardboard poster tube with white knuckles-stood before him, her breathing quick and shallow.

Looking up from where he’d scribbled his signature in the lower left of the glossy print on the table, he’d started to slide the picture back across to her when he paused, bending over the print of the impala before furiously scribbling a message that personalized his signature. A breathless nod of thanks was uttered as the girls’ eyes shone with unshed tears. You could see how hard she was trying to hold back her emotions as she slipped away.

“[Y/F/N]! Standing suddenly, the giant man skirted the table and wrapped his arms around you. Instantly, you froze. Eyes wide, back stiff, your haphazard pat to the back didn’t go unnoticed and Jared pulled away suddenly, realizing how uncomfortable you obviously were. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry - I was just happy to see you.” Hurriedly you waved off the unease you’d felt. Sure, it was Jared Padalecki that had just crushed you against his very solid chest, but it had still been unexpected and you’d yet to find a way to convince yourself that hugs were okay. 

Truth was, you craved them. You needed to be touched almost as much as you needed to eat, or sleep. It’d been so long since you’d experienced any kind of real affection however, and you weren’t sure how to react. 

To most people, a simple hug was nothing...merely a greeting perhaps. But your conscience went into overdrive at a moments’ notice. How long were you supposed to hold on? Was this a genuine hug or simply an awkward, superficial gesture of a typical human hello? Your reaction was always delayed, and most people would’ve stepped back and moved on to conversation by the time you’d had the opportunity to return the embrace. What you wouldn’t give to have someone really hold you. To take a full minute and just envelope you in a blanket of comfort. No agenda, no awkwardness - just comfort. As you began to focus, you noticed Jared had returned to his seat, the next few people in line curiously looking between you and him - likely trying to figure out if there was some new story worthy of a late-night Twitter discussion. 

“Be normal. Just move to your chair and smile. Just smile. Smiling is what they expect. Ask how they’re doing. This is fine.” The narration played in a loop through your mind as you quietly took your seat. Turning to the next person in line, you forced yourself to do just that, the more agreeable expression replacing the lost look of moments before. 

“Hi!” Reaching forward, you carefully took an electric guitar from a middle-aged blonde that stood before you. Gingerly, you set it on the deep red linens covering the table and handed Jared a gold sharpie, captivated as the metallic ink flowed over the polished black body of the instrument. Taking a moment to admire the other signatures she’d collected, Jared spoke for a few moments about how it was a really neat item to have signed, asking the woman why she’d picked a guitar. While you’d never worked with or near anyone of even remote celebrity status, you were pleased with how engaged Jared was with his fans. He seemed to genuinely care about the people patiently waiting to speak with him and, for a moment you forgot that he was an actor. Thinking, you realized you’d like to know what he was like everyday. There were stories on the internet about his generosity and seemingly real interest in the people who looked up to him. But to witness it in person was a completely different thing. 

The following two hours passed in a similar fashion. At one point, you took a moment to look around the edge of the draped wall. A lot of people still waited in line, their expressions varying from excitement to exhaustion and everything in-between. What surprised you most however, was that Jared was the last guest still in the room. Volunteers were chatting with each other as curtains were folded and stacked in totes and the frames surrounding the folding tables were disassembled. Jensen and Misha must’ve been long gone.

Eventually, Jared came to his last autograph of the evening. 

“Hey there, thank you so much for waiting this long for me!” As tired as he had to be, Jared didn’t even think about letting his exhaustion show. Speaking the longest to this particular young man seemed important. Technically, as his handler it was your job to move things along as efficiently as possible, but it was the end of the night. You were tired, no one was waiting and this interaction seemed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event for most people. Who were you to rush it? 

A short time later, you rose from your seat, fully intending on calling it a night. While it hadn’t seemed much like a fourteen-hour day, your body was sternly reminding you that you were, in fact, no longer a teenager that could run on two hours of sleep.

Stacking the cold plastic chair atop the others lined against one wall, you turned to head for the doors, removing the thin black lanyard from around your neck. You wanted nothing more than to blend back into the crowd, to become just another person, to not explain that the bathroom was, in fact, twenty feet back in the opposite direction for the five hundredth time.

Just as you reached for the lock-bar stretching across the double wooden doors of the theater, you turned to find Jared saying his own goodbyes to the crew. 

“Hey, [Y/F/N], wait up!”

Had it been -anyone else- you might’ve pretended you couldn’t hear them. Ignoring Jared wasn’t an option however. You’d never forgive yourself. So, instead of pretending, you turned to see the man literally jogging up to you. “How did he have so much energy after such a long day?” Briefly wondering, you realized you could actually ask him that very question. 

“Ha, uh..I dunno. Guess I’m still running on adrenaline?” 

“Ahunh, well, you’ll hafta tell me how you do that sometime.” A tired smirk accompanied your reply and you realized that you’d missed what he’d said afterwards.

“What was that?” “Sorry, guess I’m a little slow tonight.” Nervous laughter took the edge off of your words.

“I asked if you wanted to maybe get a drink?” 

“Mr. Padalecki, you realize it’s like..oh.” Pulling the phone from your pocket to check the time, you had the decency to blush when you realized it was still fairly early.

“What?” Wow, his smile really was infectious. “Crap, stop staring [Y/F/N], focus!” Clearing your throat, you took a moment to gather some sort of order to your scattered thoughts.

“I was gonna scold you for wanting to go out so late..but then I realized it’s only nine o’clock.” 

“Sooo…?” It was then that you were made blatantly aware of why the Supernatural Family referred to him as an overgrown puppy. 

How often would this situation come up? After this weekend, you’d go back to your normal nine to five in your hometown. Back to the office. Back to traffic. Back to complacency.

“Uh, sure. I guess one drink can’t hurt.” Grinning, you pushed your weight against the door leading into the corridor connecting the theater to the green room. Grabbing your bag from the carpet next to one of the overstuffed armchairs, you promised to meet Jared back here after changing into something a little less work and a little more appropriate for a night out.

“I look forward to it, [Y/F/N] - meet me here in..say...thirty?” Glancing at his watch, the man sank into the deep blue cushions of a long couch, slouching and raising his feet to rest upon the solid wood coffee table arranged in front of it. With another wide smile, he pulled his phone from his pocket, quickly becoming lost in what you assumed to be his social media feed as you made a hasty retreat to your room, not realizing just how much everything was about to change.

As you stepped from the elevator, after casting a cursory glance over both shoulders to make sure no one was around, the sprint to your room at the end of the hall left you breathless with excitement. 

Checking the time and setting yourself an alarm, you quickly began to rummage through the mess of a suitcase that sat haphazardly at the end of your bed. Today was the last day of the convention and you'd had no plans on doing anything remotely exciting, least of all spending the night having drinks with Jared Padalecki.

Throwing off the stiff, black t-shirt you'd worn all day, you stood there in little more than your underwear, trying to decide what to wear. 

The fifteen-minute warning sounded from your phone and panic tried to set in. Muttering to yourself, you hastily grabbed an oversized, cream-colored, off-shoulder sweater and a pair of black leggings. There was no time for anything fancy and this wasn't a date. For some reason you had to keep reminding yourself of that little detail. 

Freshening up your smeared eyeliner and swiping on some new deodorant was the best you could do as the five-minute warning sounded.

This time, you couldn't care less if people saw you sprinting through the halls of the hotel - you weren't about to make Jared wait.

With ten seconds to spare, you arrived back at the green room, taking a moment to collect your senses before calmly pushing open the door to where Jared sat waiting.

Looking up from his phone at the sound of the metal latch clicking open, Jared could only smile. [Y/F/N] looked beautiful. The stretchy black material of her leggings clung to every curve of her hips; small triangles of mesh strategically lining the length of the pants hinted at the beauty lying hidden beneath. [Y/F/N]’s hair framed her face perfectly; the fluffy sweater she'd chosen artfully draped across her bare shoulders was meant to be comforting, he was willing to bet. He was intimately familiar with anxiety, seeking comfort from inanimate objects helped ground him when he was struggling too.

He wanted to tell her she was beautiful. He wanted to show her she was beautiful. But instead, he smiled, hoping she'd realize how genuine it was.

“Hey, [Y/F/N].” His voice was soft in its greeting. “Ready for that drink?”

With a deep breath, you nodded, a bright smile lighting up your [Y/E/C] eyes.

Watching Jared haul himself up from the low couch would have been amusing if he weren't so graceful. But, he pulled it off with an elegance you weren't used to seeing in most men.

The hotel bar was bustling with groups of people winding down from a busy weekend. How the two of you managed to snag a booth in the back corner was a bit of a mystery, though you weren't about to question his methods. Approaching the dimly lit table, you felt Jared slow, stepping aside and gesturing for you to go ahead. Silently grateful, you slid into the wide cushioned bench, instantly more comfortable with your back pressed to the wall. 

Flicking his eyes between the open seat next to you and the one across the table, he carefully slid his large frame into the opposite seat. Glancing back over his shoulder, he took a deep breath before turning to face you; his broad shoulders angling to slot themselves into the very corner of his booth.

An hour into the night, you were finally beginning to relax. The double whiskey you sipped likely helping you feel more comfortable, though it too, could have just been Jared. He didn't seem to have an agenda, and he listened to you with as much focus as he gave anyone else. The conversation flowed easily and you sat perched on the edge of your seat, enraptured with one of his stories from set. 

Once again, you noticed him glancing around the room before trying to sit deeper into the corner of his seat. Twenty minutes prior, he'd turned, reclining his legs in front of him on the bench, twisting his upper body to still face you. 

Scrunching your face into a concerned arrangement of apprehension, the mean-girl living in the recesses of your mind sprang to life. “He just feels sorry for you, why else would he have asked you to drinks? He's way out of your league, just look, he's clearly not having a very good time…”

Clearing your throat, you spoke up, surprised at how even your tone was despite the disappointment and embarrassment you felt. 

“Hey, Jared. Are you okay? I mean, you really don't have to hang out with me...you just..I mean..you seem pretty uncomfortable.”

His gaze landed back on you and his heart ached at the thought that you thought he pitied you. 

“Wha-? No! I…” 

Leaning forward he reached out with one hand, intent on grasping the fingers of your hand that wasn't cradling your glass tumbler. At the last moment, he hesitated, pulling back to put his hand in his lap. Looking down at where he fidgeted with a loose string on his shirt, you marvelled at his beautiful coppery hair as it fell around his face. 

“Heh, you're probably going to think I'm silly, it's just…”

Another deep breath escaped with a huff before he glanced back up to meet your concerned face.

“I'm really anxious about sitting with my back to people.” The words came out in a rush, and he was back to looking everywhere but at you, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to maintain his composure.

You sat there for a minute, stunned by his confession. You knew he struggled with his own inner demons, but to see him fully able to tell you about his discomfort with a situation when he barely knew you was kind of inspiring. If Jared Padalecki could talk (mostly) confidently about his struggles, maybe you could too.

For a moment, you considered what to say next. While your mind still weighed your options, your mouth clearly had other ideas and you were surprised as the words tumbled forth, “you could come sit on this side with me..uh..if you want.”

“Shit. Uh. Well, guess that’s out there. Be cool. It’s fine if he says no. Just breathe…”

Letting out a slow breath, you put your smile back on and hoped it reached your eyes. 

Jared was surprised. “Oh. Uh, are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I think I’ve done that enough for one day, ha..” Fidgeting, he clapped a large hand to the back of his neck, his gaze averted as he remembered quite nearly knocking you over in his exuberance earlier.

Were you sure? Yes. Yes, you were sure. 

“Yes.” That same smile still in place, you patted the seat next to you and watched as the man slid across the seat, rose and cautiously lowered himself into the space next to you. Not realizing the breath you held until your lungs started to scream for air, inch by inch you relaxed. The scent of vanilla and sandalwood settled over you as Jared got comfortable, one knee pressing against your left thigh. A light twist of summery pineapple and pear rounded out what would become a very intoxicating scent. 

Turning to lean against the corner of the booth, you were careful to maintain the light touch between your bodies - this time, the smile on your face - though hesitant - was one-hundred percent real.

As the clock approached midnight, you began to dread the end of your conversation. Nothing could last forever, and this had been one of the best nights you’d had in a very long time. Trying your best to stifle a yawn - and failing miserably, you might add - Jared chuckled under his breath “I guess I should let you get to sleep, don’t want you turning into a pumpkin.”

“Aha, yes, very funny Mr. Padaleski.” Jared rolled his eyes when you drug the syllables of his incorrectly-pronounced name out in jest. “Just because I like pumpkin flavored liqueur, doesn’t mean I’m gonna turn into one!”

“At any rate, I should get going anyhow. My plane leaves in a few hours and I’ve gotta be ready to start filming very shortly afterwards.” The exhaustion was evident in his features, but his tired smile was comforting, nonetheless. 

When he made no move to let you out of the booth, you almost didn’t say anything. But, he was right. Besides, who were you to keep him here? He’d already lost out on a full nights’ sleep because of you.

“Here, let me walk you back to your room?” Sliding from his side of the booth, he turned and reached a hand out to help you. There was no hesitation when you grasped his warm fingers and allowed him to pull you from your seat. 

“You really don’t have to walk me back, I’m sure you’ve much better things to do - like sleep?” 

“Well, maybe I want to walk you back." Hurriedly, he added “If you want... besides, I can sleep when I’m dead.” A quiet huff of laughter softened the statement. Relenting, you fell into step next to the taller man as the last minutes of your night out ticked away. 

Too soon you stood in front of the door to your hotel room. In a few minutes, you’d have to say goodbye - unlikely to ever have this moment again. Sure, Jared had asked specifically for you to be his assigned handler for conventions, but Adam hadn’t officially offered you the position. You had a lot to think about. While the answer seemed easy enough, it would likely be anything but. You were a creature of habit, often shying away from change and the unknown. 

“So..I guess this is goodnight...goodbye even.” Jared’s words trailed off and you picked up on the distinct impression that he wanted to say something else. 

“So, rather than tackling you head-on, I’d very much like a hug goodnight. Would that be okay?” 

Jared’s eyes widened in surprise, but rather than answering, he simply opened his arms - allowing you to come to him.

Reminding yourself to breathe, you stepped forward into his embrace, wrapping your arms around his waist and turning your head to press your ear to his chest. The warmth of his scent washed over you as he held you to him, his chin resting atop your head. The sure, thick, beating of his heart had just started to help loosen the tension singing through your veins when your brain started screaming at you to back away. “That’s enough [Y/F/N], let the poor guy go! Why are you still hugging him?!”

Hurriedly, you removed your arms, intent on listening to that voice and stepping back from Jared. Intent on escaping through the thick barrier of a door and back into the comfort of your own world. With a resigned sigh, he loosened his grip and let you go. Instantly, your body temperature seemed to drop, even though it certainly wasn’t cold in the hallway where the two of you stood. 

“Well...goodnight [Y/F/N], I had an amazing time and I hope you have a wonderful night. Sleep well..” With a final flash of his bright smile, Jared turned, his long legs carrying him down the hallway and to the elevator. 

Disappearing behind the heavy door of your hotel, you slumped against the wood - sliding down to rest on the floor and allow yourself to breathe again. A flood of emotions from the previous several hours assaulted you all at once. 

Wrapping arms around your knees, forehead resting against your chilled skin, a heavy sigh slid between your lips as you began to decompress.

The quiet sound of knuckles against the door behind you went unnoticed at first. Only when the sound became more insistent did you get to your feet. Bracing yourself against the door and peering through the peep-hole you couldn’t see anything. Turning the brushed-nickel handle as quietly as possible, you pulled open the door to see Jared sauntering away from you. 

“Jared?!” Your tone might have been incredulous but you were in disbelief that he’d come back. Slowing, the man turned to face you, hesitating before his approach. 

When he had reached your side, one hand slid back into his hair as he nervously avoided looking directly at you. Crossing your arms over your chest, you waited, expectant. 

“Hey, uh, sorry to bother you.” “I was wondering…-reaching into his pocket, he pulled an iPhone out and handed it to you - a shy smile hesitant on his face.

“...would you maybe...want to exchange phone numbers?” 

CHAPTER THREE

TAGS: @jaredsunflowergoddess @jamielea81 @wings-of-a-raven @arses21434

[angelspigeon]

Rewrite the Stars - Chapter 05

Chapter 05!!! This time, the art of this fic had been provided by @Hyenaroid !!! Check their twitter, instagram and facebook while you’ll check his amazing art on AO3 just there =>  |   °|

(I really loved that fic at the moment I was writing it, I’m just sooo upset I took too much time to share it but now enjoy!!!)

Also, Hyenaroid is taking commish too sooooo check that out?

Knocks against the metal made yawn Lea in his bed.

What was that?

He rolled in the bed and took the pillow to press it against his face. He knew it was still pretty early and didn’t have to train before a moment. What time was it exactly, by the way?

Lea glanced at the clock on the night stand behind him.

Wait?

What?!

“Lea! Come join me in ten minutes under the Big Top,” a voice came out.

Firm and full of authority.

You couldn’t exactly say ‘no’ to it and he didn’t want to say no but it was six am! SIX AM!

He was mad?!

Lea groaned and pressed again the pillow over his face. He couldn’t remember a thing. When the representation started? What should he do? Damn, it was almost hard to remember his name at this exact moment.

He rubbed his face and forced himself to get ready.

The voice had said ten minutes but fifteen had already passed when he arrived under the big top, yawning and scratching his belly, his hairs in a mess and his ideas unclear.

“You’re late,” he heard.

“Yeah…”

“Did you have stretched yourself?”

“No…”

“Then do it. Warm yourself. I leave you five more minutes.”

“It’s six am…”

“I know. However, if you want to do an art with me…”

“What?!” Lea cut short.

His head snapped to see Isa who was wearing a light blue top adorned of very thin strap and a black short really tiny but holding the said top in place. He had white wristbands with shining Moons and also mittens for feet. They were very tights and it was easy to know it was easier for him to work that way. His hairs had been tied in the back with just two locks and a tiny hairpin, giving him a feeling… wild, feral, untamable?

“We’ll do an art together. I asked Xemnas and he said yes. Stretch yourself and run,” he added, firm.

“Yes. But…” Lea sat on the floor to start on the floor to stretch and noticed that everything was already set around. Or almost everything? He saw no net… “… you’re sure we can?”

“Yes…”

Isa pressed his hand over his throat and moved to the side, toward the mechanisms. They were more accessible since the backstage tent was just open to them.

“I don’t think we can present an art together before two or three weeks at least but I expect us to do it as soon as possible.”

“Okay. And what about the other guy? Xigbar?”

“Braig. I don’t know.”

“And your ribbons? I can’t use fire around your ribbons. Just to be sure,” Lea pointed out, still stretching his limbs.

Isa turned his head toward him, from the board of the device, since he had brought down every kind of tool they could use.

“Obviously…”

Lea watched the Big Top. Isa hadn’t placed ribbons and it wasn’t surprising at all. He wasn’t neither surprised that the man knew his work better than him. While being a Fire Performer was something, he just had to learn how to use sticks or other objects… the rest was only magic.

“The first day, your friend appeared from nowhere, catching you…”

“Yes. That was the normal part of the art. Yesterday wasn’t really impressive however, Xemnas wanted to punish me,” Isa stated. “And now, if I’m doing an art with you, Braig will certainly change his. Or it will depend of the days… However, I believe Xemnas see this as an opportunity. He finds it cleaner when he can actually announce the arrival and the exit of every of us.”

“Yes, but the day before yesterday… It was so much exciting.”

“I believe this too…”

He walked back to Lea, watching him, standing just next to him.

The new recruit looked up at him and took the hand held out to him. Isa immediately let go on him but started to jog and he just followed him, accepting this warm up. Accepting this company.

“I’m sorry you can’t…”

“It’s not your fault,” Isa replied.

It was his and only his.

He couldn’t blame anyone but him… Xemnas said it was in right to punish him and he was certainly right. He couldn’t remember if he really wanted to kill himself at that moment or it was just the fever of feeling good for once… Later that night, he did wanted to kill him so…

“You’re okay?”

“Yes,” Isa said. “I was just thinking.”

“Yeah… But… I just noticed… your skin?”

Isa looked down to his thighs pointed out by Lea and then he let his own look slid over his arms also sparkled with blue marks. It looked like a constellation, it matched with his hairs dancing in his back and yet… those were just horror. The worst was the fact those marks didn’t annoy him that much. He was more annoyed by the hickeys on his throat…

“That’s nothing. I trained too hard.”

Lea frowned. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

Lea stayed silent after this and even the warm up was suddenly and ironically… cold.

They ran five times around the ring then slow down to finally stop. Lea crouched and put his head between his own thighs, resisting with difficulty to say anything about the difficulty of this warm up.

Suddenly, he really struggled to talk to him…

He wanted to make him smile, wanted to see him shine but each time he looked him, he saw the bruises on his skin and he knew what it was to say to someone you have just got a tough work when it wasn’t that at all…

“Do you have any idea for our art?” Isa asked.

Lea folded his arms, thinking. As the other man walked to the ladder on the side of the huge mat, he moved toward the tribune. It was already six am and half, almost forty to be honest and it was very late for him. Forty minutes to start training? Way too long. He jumped on the stand at a few meter from the floor and took a trapeze. He could tell Lea was thinking, at least. He hopped it was about the art but he was definitely thinking. To be fair, he had several ideas. But he wouldn’t want to impose and invade. He could when it came of the training itself because it asked rigor to do what he did but after… He just wanted to vacuum his head with the feeling to fly.

He moved backward so he took on speed before throwing himself in the air, his hands firmly clamped around the wooden bar. The feeling was delicious, as always. It was so peculiar, a sensation nothing could brush. Not even receiving a surprise hug from Demyx. Coming forward, being pushed backward with a force he couldn’t control and yet was friendly… No wonder why he wished he could fly forever…

In his tribune, Lea hit his fist in his palm. He climbed the level.

“Isa?”

The man glanced at him. Lea followed the pendulum movement as he saw the force pushing him backward and almost gasped when he saw Isa letting go on the stick, being threw right toward the higher part of the Big Top with the strength. The trapeze moved away and Lea’s Heart missed a beat as he saw the body coming back, head toward the floor. He had missed the trapeze!

The long and firm legs bend and closed around the wooden stick as the trapeze kept moving forward.

Lea blinked when, suddenly, they were face to face, him without a word in the tribunes, Isa mocking the gravity…

“Yes?”

The new recruit was unable to reply at this exact moment, his eyes being wide and his breath taking away.

Taking your breath, stealing your mind, the Lunar Diviner was able to throw your Heart and making him fly with the Stars.

“Lea?”

Isa’s hand moved in front of his eyes. He was still on his trapeze, flying, though he was sat on it now.

“Can you come down?!” Lea called, his mind following him in this journey, letting him aghast.

The second after, he saw Isa grabbing the trapeze with his hand. He let his weight move down and holding with hand, one leg flexed, he followed the air, letting go on the stick at the moment his toes brushed the bench of the tribune.

“Woah…” Lea muttered. “You’re good!”

“Thank you,” Isa replied with a slight smile.

Lea saw him happy there and it has no price. Absolutely no price. He could understand why people would pay again and again to see someone just throwing star at them, just showing them what was passion, following a dream, living like it was the last moment…

“So… Your idea?”

“Yes! What is your favorite animal?”

Isa watched him with surprise and folded his arms. “Wolf and rabbit, why?”

“I thought…” Lea jumped above the benches and quickly walked down to come in the ring, approaching the trapeze and the hoop. “You came down and I would blow a wolf of flame. The wolf became flame around the hoop, or the trapeze I don’t know what’s the best, and… I don’t know much more. Do you have idea?” he asked with a smirk. “Ah! It will really not burn you, I swear.”

“I trust you,” Isa said, walking toward him. He frowned and watched the tools. “At what distance do you want me to be.”

“Well…”

Lea looked, too, the tools. He moved backward and flames came from his lips. They immediately turned toward a wolf you could almost hear howling.

“There?” Lea said with a smile.

“Very well,” the man replied.

He couldn’t help but smile when the wolf literally landed next to him and walked around him, like a real wolf. Isa approached his fingers without fear and he didn’t feel the burn.

“You have a beautiful power,” Isa told to him. “I hope you won’t fear it again,” he added, watching him right in the eyes.

“I’ll do my best,” Lea replied.

Isa turned and walked to the mechanisms so he could lift the hoop until his partner told him to stop.

“And now? How do you get there?”

Isa glanced at him, casting him a smirk. He walked to the huge pylon and climbed at the ladder, once again. He approached the edge of the stall and jumped. Lea thought he’ll catch the hoop from there and blinked but he saw him grabbing a trapeze pretty high in comparison, trapeze that swirling with the strength, approaching him from another one, lower. This time, Lea wasn’t surprise when he saw him jump to catch the bar.

“Get yourself ready!” Lea warned.

Isa raised his thumb as a sign and threw himself in the air. When he came down, his ankles grabbed the metal. Lea watched him but was still able to see the acrobat grab the hoop and let go on the previous support. He saw him sat on the hook on the circle and, after one second, just to be sure, blew a new Wolf. The beast immediately flew toward Isa, toward the ring, and his fluffy flaming head seemed to rub against Isa as his paws were merging in the hoop, surrounding it.

Lea couldn’t help but stare the artist with the soft orange caressing his skin and a slight smile on his lips. The reason disappeared for him and he created a little bunny with his flames, bringing it on Isa’s lap.

“Is this a part of the spectacle?”

“I think… it’s not,” Lea smiled.

“However, did you like how it looked?”

“It was nice but I think it missed something…”

“I was unsure,” Isa replied. “I have to be sure what my spectacle will be to arrange perfectly this part,” he said.

He put down his hands in each part of the circle and let his body come as low as he could. He was still as three meters from the floor but just let go. Lea wanted to grab him but he saw him roll on the floor and get up. He was trained for that…

And he felt really dumb…

“After the representations of today, I should know a bit more…”

“Sure!” Lea replied with a smirk. He rubbed his skull, still feeling so dumb. “It looks so nice! Can I try?”

Isa frowned.

“Try the trapeze or the hoop? Or anything…”

“Oh… Hm… Very well. I’ll bring down one of the trapeze, sit on it, hold it tight and don’t move. I have to install the net.”

“The net…”

Lea turned his head toward him but the acrobat had already moved away. He could see the different tool moving, coming at various high. One of them, pretty large come really low. He could actually just sit on it… seeing Isa coming back with a cord he waited anyway. The acrobat seemed very severe again.

He saw him tie a long rope at the edge of the trapeze then looked toward Lea.

“You can sit on it,” he invited.

Lea didn’t wait more and Isa adjusted a bit his position before giving him the rope.

“Keep that, please. I’ll lift you. Hold very tight.”

“Yes!”

Isa moved away.

Lea was more and more thrilled. He never did that, always seeing the other artists doing that as birds unreachable.

When the trapeze moved, he did his best to stay on place and glanced at Isa, watching him lift the rope then coming install the net. You could tell he was used to this because he had movements fast and yet expert and sure. He still watched him as he moved to the ladder, once again.

Watched him again as he approached the edge of the stall and crouched.

“Throw me the rope, please.”

Lea grabbed it and watched the distance between them. He took it anyway and threw it as far as he could. Isa extended his body to grab it but the cord didn’t even brush his fingers. The new recruit couldn’t help but made a face.

“Sorry?”

“It’s not a problem. Please, still hold tight. It’ll move.”

Move?

The second after, he saw Isa move back then ran and launch himself. He grabbed the rope at mid length, making shake the whole structure. Lea had to hold very strongly and he gasped when he saw him start to climb the rope as if it was absolutely nothing…

“Well… Hello?” he said, blinking, when Isa arrived lifted himself next to him on the long bar.

This trapeze was made for two and you could sense it just now because, though they were next to each other, it wasn’t even disturbing. He watched as Isa took off the rope, throwing it near the net and then… got up to help the trapeze to move. This time, the movement was normal.

Very common.

He was still hallucinating but he was also… kind off relieved?

“That’s just a big swing!”

“A bit,” Isa replied, making work his legs for the trapeze to move faster and faster. “What did you want to try?”

“Oh… Oh! More? More!”

Lea was excited like a child and Isa’s heart felt softer. He saw he was like a child in front of a shop full of candies. Unable to just choose what was the most interesting one.

“Can I… change of trapeze?”

“Yes.”

“I got up like you?” Lea asked, still holding the chain on the side and the bar next to him.

“Stay like that. When we’ll approach the trapeze, I’ll grab it for you and held it in place. You’ll catch it and just slightly raise up.”

“Okay!”

Lea was even more excited. He couldn’t wait for it. And yet he had to because it wasn’t that easy to arrive at the trapeze. Maybe thirty seconds? One minute?

As soon as they were close enough, Isa let go on the chain on the side and grabbed the trapeze, bringing it to Lea. Which held out his hands to catch it. His fingers brushed it but… he couldn’t grab it on time. Isa had to let go on the bar and his ankles moved as they were the only things to keep him on place. He swirled and grabbed the trapeze where they were, his fingers brushing Lea’s one and he got up again.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry.”

Isa caught the trapeze and, using his feet, he forced the tool to stay on place longer. As soon as he saw Lea grabbing it, he let go, letting his body fall on the net. He just swirled one time to see Lea as he crossed the air, screaming his joy, holding the trapeze very tightly.

Isa laugh softly, too.

See someone having fun like that was a relieve… a soft feeling. He wondered if Lea felt as free as he felt when he was flying that way.

And, yes. Yes, Lea was feeling free. Lea was happy! Happy and frightened! It was awesome and horrible. But he couldn’t stop laughing, trying to be someone else, to have fun as an acrobat.

However…

However, it has to stop.

“What should I do?” he asked, a bit of fear now in the voice.

“Let go. You risk nothing with the net!” Isa swore.

Lea gulped, closed his eyes and… let go. He fallen and let out another cry though… happy?

He felt himself bounced and his back landed on the net, giving him a strange feeling.

“Are you okay?”

Lea opened one eye and saw Isa, bending in front of him. He was still on the net, just next to him.

“Yes!” He opened the second eye. “Why didn’t you put the net for you?”

“I don’t need it!” Isa replied before lying next to him.

Turning his head, Lea could see his face as Isa was looking him, the feet pointing in different direction from each other.

“You don’t need it or…”

Isa smirked coldly. “I don’t need it,” he replied.

“Thank you for that,” Lea said, understanding he shouldn’t continue on the previous path.

“You’re welcome. If you always wanted to do that, why didn’t you try?”

“When I was taken over by Ansem, fire seemed to fit me better… Helping me to get over it and use it was his main interest.”

“How old were you?”

“Seven,” Lea said. “You?”

“Eight…” He closed his eyes. “Demyx was just a child. I didn’t know what to do with him…”

“You weren’t there with your parents?”

“From what I know, my mother wanted to protect us and she gave us to the first person wanting us. I took care of Demyx, I trained with Ansem… I tried to study… But I especially wanted to protect Demyx…” He glanced at Lea. “And you?”

“A fire destroyed my home and my family…” Lea whispered.

Isa frowned. “You… You mean…”

“Yeah… I did that to my family.”

“I’m sorry, Lea… Do… Do you need something?”

Isa moved his hand, bringing it next to the soft and warm cheek though he didn’t dare to touch it.

“It was twenty years ago, I got used to it… But… I wondered… You left radiant garden when?”

His own hand moved, his fingers brushing Isa’s.

“Ten… maybe eleven years before?”

“What was your name?”

Isa shook his head. “Just mine…”

“I was with you there. We were together… Why I have… no memories?”

“I was only training and taking care of Demyx… I don’t think I was that interesting.”

“I think I would have recognized you. Unless you had a big Glow up!” he laughed, his fingers almost intertwined with his.

“What is a ‘Glow up’?”

“That mean you became really sexy while growing.”

“Oh… So if I wasn’t sexy…” Isa teased.

“I don’t say that! But your boyfriend seems to think that what makes him sell!”

Isa frowned and sat in the net.

“Boyfriend…”

“He’s not?” Lea asked, sitting too. “He’s your fiancé?”

“Thanks God, he’s not,” Isa replied, moving in the net and jumping out of him.

“You…” Lea approached the edge of the net, from the other side since Isa was moving. “You don’t love him?”

Isa stopped and turned his head toward him. “Is it wrong if I don’t know?”

“Wrong?” Lea jumped in the floor. “I don’t know. But not healthy… It’s your boyfriend, you should… You should know and be happy to be with him.”

Isa looked down, hugging himself. “I don’t think I am…”

“You should break up, then!”

The acrobat shook his head and swirled, walking toward the backstage. Lea quickly followed him, getting more and more worry…

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“I can’t!”

“Why?” Lea asked.

“He’d be upset!”

“But he loves you?! He will understand it’s for your happiness and he would…”

“No. He won’t let me leave. He bought me and he wants me! I… I’m just a horrible partner.”

Lea watched him with horror and he held out his hand to grab his, to touch his skin, to try something… But he couldn’t. Not with those recent information.

“The day before yesterday… When you wanted… When you were about to… throw yourself in the lake. I heard you. You said it was nothing… I don’t know you, it could have been an argument between you and him… but now I’m asking you: is it forcing you to anything?”

“What do you mean?”

“Does he rape you?”

Isa seemed shocked with those words and he hugged himself more.

“No.”

“Does he ask you?”

The acrobat watched him with a frown and paced backward. “Are you mad? That’s not something you ask to someone!”

“Do you talk about him or my question?”

Isa turned and held his arms more around himself. “Both…”

Lea came to him, still not daring to touch him. He paced around him and knelt in front of him.

“You know it’s a rape, right?”

“You’re saying non-sense. He’s my boyfriend and I never say ‘no’, it’s not a rape. Have you been sent by Ansem himself? With the only purpose of getting close of the favorite of the boss and start to defame him to destroy the concurrency? That would explain why you don’t know who I am. You’re just a paw. An actor. You’re skilled.”

Isa moved on the side and kept walking toward the backstage.

Lea blinked, not understanding of the situation just slipped out of his hands. He got up and ran to Isa.

“I’m not lying! I didn’t want to stay there and I ran away! I’m saying all of this for you! That’s not sane!”

“Why do you care?!” Isa asked, turning toward him. “I’m nothing for you!”

“Why I wouldn’t care?! You’re sad and if I can make you smile?”

“But WHY?! No one wants to make others smile for nothing in return?! What are you expecting from me?! You want me to say ‘no’? I’ll say it to you. No. Don’t touch me. Don’t hope you’ll be a Knight on a white horse!”

“You’re mistaken on me. The only thing I want is to have friends and make them happy, got it memorized?” He scratched his skull. “But I guess that’s selfish, yes. I want them to be happy so that would make me happy? I want to make you happy because… that would make me happy?”

Isa stared him, keeping distance between them.

“There is… nothing? Nothing else that the desire to make people happy?”

“Yay…”

“It’s perhaps selfish but it’s nice from you, I think. There are worst egoist acts in the World…” He looked down one second then up with a feral cold look. “If you have lied to me, you will regret it, I hope you know this.”

“I won’t lie to you! I swear!” Lea said, rising his hands.

“Very well. You can stay my friend if you want to. But I keep an eye on you.”

Lea nodded and felt a pinch in his Heart. While it was normal to have doubt toward him because he was just a stranger, he was sad the man was able to protect himself from him who just wanted to be his friend and to protect him but would continue to give his entire life to a man using him…

“But… if there is something wrong, one night… You can come see me,” he whispered, not even sure Isa would have heard it…