#but the first seeds were definitely planted by him looking a lot like his shitty dad.

[bluegiragi]

mr riley.

early access + nsfw on patreon

[after-witch]

White Picket Fence [Yandere Overhaul x Reader]

Title: White Picket Fence [Yandere Overhaul x Reader]

Synopsis: You’ve been with Kai Chisaki for three years. Your life is quiet and cozy and soothing. But what do you do when you realize you want more?

For request: Anonymous said: i love the way you write overhaul!! may i request more of him, please? what would he do if reader develops stockholm syndrome and wants to do the things which normal couples do, even wants to marry him or have kids? thank you!

Word count: 2200-ish

notes: yandere, stockholm syndrome

You should really ask Kai to get a new sofa for his office. His current one, the leather one which used to be shiny and pristine and rather intimidating for someone used to sitting on ratty chairs pilfered from curbs, has definitely seen better days. 

The seats are lumpier, now that you've spent years--3 years, one month, 3 days, but who's counting--in his life, sprawling on the sofa. Reading, napping, doing endless hobbies. Snuggling, when he was in the mood. An endless parade of legs and limbs, pillows and books, growing tiny scratches etched with your fingernails that you sit on to cover them up.

His entire office has your touches, now. The blanket you asked for last Christmas, a big fluffy bright purple affair, is draped over the back of the couch. He keeps your framed embroidered pieces on his desk, because--you assume, but he won't confirm, because he thinks it will hurt your feelings (it won't!)--he can easily stow them away when he has meetings to hold. You don't embroider much, anymore, but it was fun to take on a new hobby.

Kai is kind like that, to give you new hobbies to do. He doesn’t even mind when you get bored of them and move on to something else.

Your books are not as easy to stow away in case of guests, you think. They're scattered here, there, everywhere. In stacks, on shelves. You know there's one stuck under the sofa but you didn't really like the first book in the series and you've decided it should stay put as a result.

Bookmarks, some handmade, others handed over by Kai as a gift for this or that, sticking out of the well-worn pages. Once, you snuck on YouTube during your highly limited, highly precious tablet time (earned, as it were, over the past 2 years) and stumbled on a DIY for making resin bookmarks stuffed with trinkets, glitter, flowers, ink. You’ve yet to broach the subject with Kai, because one, it would mean admitting you snuck on YouTube but two, you don’t think he’ll let you work with resin. But, still. The seed has been planted and when it sprouts, you’ll get the nerve to ask him.

Your sleeping bag is in the laundry, wherever the laundry happens to be, but on colder days you like to spread it on the floor and have reading or hobby marathons while he works. It's childish, but he humors you. He always (mm, no--usually--he did shoot down requests for the dog, the cat, the fish, the rabbit, and the lizard) humors you. You appreciate that about him.

And you appreciate this moment, right now. You're curled up on the sofa, half of the soft blanket in your lap to keep you warm. A book is in your hand, something new from the best-seller list that Kai brought home in a tidy store bag. He brings lots of gifts, and you appreciate every one of them. Although Kai does make you declutter every month. If you didn’t, your room would be simply stuffed with gifts. You don’t begrudge him this, since he lets you keep anything that’s especially precious to you. It’s a fair trade--you’re precious to him and he keeps you, after all.

He's typing away on his laptop, the sound so familiar that it's practically white noise, and you sit on the couch and read. It's quiet. It's comforting. It's... domestic, really.

And it makes you sad.

Lately, sitting in Kai’s office--these quiet moments, these nice moments, just make you sad. You don't know why. Things are good right now, but you just feel weighted down, heavy. Lost and bored and aimless.

But it shouldn’t make you sad that you’re enjoying a new book. Maybe you’re sad about something else. You can’t remember having a bad dream. The outfit Kai picked out for you this morning was cute enough. You didn’t stub your toe getting into the tub. Kai didn’t tug on your hair when brushing out the knots. So… what’s wrong?

You turn your attention back to your book, trying to shake the feeling, shake the obtrusive thoughts that sometimes find their way to the surface now and then. But the words don't want to leap off the page, weaving a story in your mind that takes you into someone else's life and narrative and world for a few precious hours.

And here, again--you don’t know what’s wrong. It’s an interesting enough book, as books go. It's a domestic novel about domestic squabbles, a husband and wife who are 15 years and 3 children into their marriage; living in the pristine suburbs, tired of working and parenting and painted fences and tired of each other.

Maybe the book isn't clicking because you can't really relate. You would never get tired of such things, you think. To have a fence! Oh, to have a yard. Or maybe even have little children, with lives to manage and nurture. Wouldn’t that be nice?

You don't have those things. No--you can't have those things, can you? Your world has been shrunk down to a few rooms. Your bedroom. The bathroom. Kai's office. The clinic. You've made those rooms cozy and comforting. With things and time. But how could you have a toddler, a fence, a dog that barks too much in these limited walls, in this limited life?

And… how could you have any children running around when Kai has never expressed an interest in that sort of life with you. Oh, you've kissed. A few times. The memory of them makes your cheeks hot and you squirm, just a little, on the couch. You like to take those kisses with you at night, under the covers. But it's never been more than kisses, than light touches, than holding hands or feather-light strokes of your neck.

He's never gone further, never so much as asked. You also take this realization with you at night, though by morning the thoughts are gone. Now, in the daylight, they hit you hard and you can’t sleep to make them go fuzzy and grey.

Does he not want you in that way? You're not a virgin, and you don't know if he is, or isn't. But you thought you were attractive enough to... want. You kissed, he did kiss you, he does still kiss you now and then, but why not something more?

Maybe you were ugly. Maybe he felt pity for you. Maybe the kisses were just to keep you from going stir-crazy inside these walls and this life that never went anywhere. He was never going to want anything more than occasional touches, was he? And this was going to be your life, embroidering and reading and fussing about sleeping bags until you were old and grey and useless. A life wasted, a life slipped through the cracks. Your chest hurts and you wish you could fall asleep to make yourself stop thinking.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" Kai asks, keyboard silent, laptop humming.

Oh. You've been staring ahead this entire time. You feel cool tears wet on your cheeks. You do this sometimes, drift and stare and cry, and never seem to realize it. So you wipe your cheeks, and you smile. You don't want to worry him. He has so many things to worry about, things he won't tell you, because he knows best--you couldn't hope to understand his work. You are too naïve and kind, and he's got what your 90s-era self help books (you had a phase for reading them last January) call "street smarts."

When he doesn't resume his work, you try again. "It's nothing," you say, light and airy. "I was just thinking about a book."

Instead of typing, he shuts the laptop and your stomach immediately feels like it's going to float away. No, no, no, you've distracted him. He said he had a lot to do today, he said that! Why couldn't you just read your book and be good. Now he'll be upset and distracted and worried and it's all your fault.

You instinctively move over to make room as he sits down on the couch. You don't want to look at him, but you don’t want to not look at him. So you force yourself to smile, force yourself to look--not too happy, but, pleasant, and keep your eyes focused on his shoulders. He rests his hand on top of yours. You look up at his face--it’s only polite, it’s only kind--and the instance your gazes meet you immediately crumble. You cry. Ugly cry, the kind of crying you really hate to do. His look of surprised concern makes your heart twist. You really are bothering him.

But you have to know.

"Why don't you want to marry me?" Your voice is soft and hoarse and aching. Through your tears you see his look of genuine confusion, surprise--and even something sadder, something akin to hurt.

You want to explain. You want to explain how you've just realized that you'll never have kids and a nice big yard and he'll never come home from work to a good meal and kids running on hardwood floors to greet him. You'll never have a wedding with a fancy dress and tasteful invitations. You'll never argue with neighbors about your dog getting into their yard. 

You'll never learn to cook anything more than the shitty microwave meals you ate before you met him, because you've never even seen a kitchen in this place despite being here for years. You’ll never have any of it, except what you read about it books. How do you explain that you’re jealous of a bitter, old married couple because at least they had a life together?

The hand resting on top of yours squeezes and you finally feel the blustery courage to let it all spill out. The words come tumbling fast and thick and laced with a froggy hoarseness.

"Why can't we have a normal... a normal life? I can't have," you swallow, and take a shuddering breath. You're open, you've learned so many lessons to be open with Kai, but expressing these thoughts makes you feel queasy. What if he gets mad? 

“I can't have kids and a big yard and a dog that the neighbors don't like, because I'm here, in these little--these little walls and little rooms, and how can we have kids if we're not married, and how can we be married if you've only kissed me a few times? Why don't you want to be with me? What's wrong with me?"

You're hyperventilating now, and there's an old tingle that you've suppressed, the fear and rage and helplessness that once made you scream and throw and punch walls. You think about the book under the sofa and hate it so much for being there. You think about your embroidery sitting prettily on Kai’s desk and you want to rip out every single thread.

You think you really break open, about to grab something and just destroy it, when suddenly Kai’s gloved hands are on your cheeks and his mask is gone and oh, his lips are on yours and is that tongue you feel--it is, it definitely is--and he’s never kissed you like this, deep and warm and soft and wet.

He pulls away and you’re dumbfounded and you must look dumb, too, because Kai wipes away a stubborn line of drool on your bottom lip and chuckles, low and light. He leaves the ugly, thick tears that have stained your cheeks.

“Do you really think I don’t want to be with you?” His thumb strokes your lips and the seam of the glove tickles and sends a hot thrill shooting down your stomach. “Do you think I haven’t imagined our… future?”

His touch is soft and his words are soft and his gaze is familiar and comfortable; the look that makes your stomach do fumbles, the look he gives you when he’s letting you know that you’re being silly again.

“I… I don’t know,” you say, your shaky breath ghosting over his thumb. “It’s just--”

He presses his thumb on your lips and you quiet down, and you listen.

“I’m waiting until you’re ready. You know that I know what’s best for us, what’s best for you, don’t you?”

You nod.

“Then you know that we will have all those things--” you ignore the voice inside you, so small and silly now, that’s insisting you-won’t-you-won’t-you-won’t--- “but only when you’re ready.”

He smiles, and you smile, because you know that he’s right. You wipe away your own tears and grin, sheepish and feeling so ridiculous for having a fit right in the middle of the day like this.

You let yourself be tucked in, let Kai drape the soft blanket over your legs. He presses a kiss to your forehead and your lips tingle with envy. You watch as he goes back to his desk and sits down, as he replaces his gloves and his mask. All is well, all is back to normal.

Kai starts typing, and you let the white noise soothe you as you pick up your book and flip open to your bookmark. Maybe tomorrow you’ll ask about the resin.

[wordsnwhiskey]

Is It Living If You've Left Your Life Behind?

Pairing: Dave York & GN!Reader

Summary: Thanks to you, Dave escaped the showdown with McCall. You planned to take him to a safehouse on the other side of the country where he could recover and get started on living a new life. In order to do that though, he has to leave his wife, his daughters and his life behind. He can't help but wonder, is it really living if he has to leave his life behind?

Rating: T for Language I guess

A/N: This is my late submission for @autumnleaves1991-blog 's Writer Wednesday. I got into my feels tonight and Dave was calling to me. It's my first time writing for him and this is a different take on Dave than I'd normally go for. A softer/angstier Dave but honestly, given this situation where he survives? I don't see classic Dave shining through, at least not until something kicks his ass into gear. The man is injured and more than a little lost. Also, I'll probably edit this later, it's 03:30 and apparently I have a knack for posting things when I should be asleep.

Masterlist | AO3

There was nothing but the open road ahead of him as he sat in the passenger seat, a permanent grimace affixed to his face. His pain ebbed and flowed but at least that meant he was alive. Alive with nothing but the open road ahead of him and his entire life behind him.

Dave really only had you to thank for that. A life debt for a life debt even if it meant he no longer had his life, not really at least. His girls were well over a thousand miles behind him, everything he’d known and loved, he’d likely never see again. You were the only thing Mac hadn’t counted on and even though Dave had lost religion a long time ago, he thanked whatever god or higher power out there that you had kept your head about you during the showdown.

He had been furious at first that you hadn’t tried to kill McCall, only stalled long enough to get him and yourself out of there under the cover of the storm. His anger had quickly dissipated though, you had made the right call, of course. He still had trouble seeing out of his eye, a concussion from being blown off of his feet and plenty of bruises complemented the odd cut or two Mac had managed to land. Things would have been a lot worse had you not intervened.

You glanced over at Dave, hunched over, curling himself into the passenger window. Dave fucking York. He had really gotten himself in it this time but you couldn’t find it in yourself to blame him. In this industry, shit decisions had to be made all the time and Lady Luck was rarely ever kind. People died, that was the business. What else was the married father of two supposed to do when he was cut loose? Assimilate? That kind of thing wasn’t for people like you or Dave York, not really. McCall was too high up on his high horse to get enough oxygen to his brain and too blinded by his own grief to see it.

Then again, you were definitely biased.

“How’s your pain level?”

You asked, and were met with a withering glare, his newly-crooked, hawkish nose only served to further accentuate the harshness in his eyes.

He hadn’t talked much during the already several day trip. Not that you needed the conversation, but you understood better than anyone he knew who was still alive aside from the man you were fleeing from, what this felt like. You hated how people romanticized it, leaving everything behind and starting over. It never worked that way. Your family and friends lived and died and you couldn’t be part of any of it. And now Dave, Dave had two daughters and a wife but they might as well be poison now. Poison to his mind, torture to think about. Poison to the touch if he ever went to see them again, because surely McCall would be watching them from afar, waiting.

The same thoughts seemed to be on his mind, from the corner of your eye you could see him slump further into the window, clutching a small photograph he had pulled from his wallet. For all that he was, former agent, mercenary, murderer, assassin, he was still a family man, a soft man at heart and going into hiding away from this family had just as much likelihood of killing him as McCall did.

“I’m not going to see them again am I?” Dave murmured as he stared down at the photo, thumb grazing over his daughters’ faces.

You opened your mouth then closed it again, contemplating giving him platitudes or the truth. He chuckled at your reaction, a hollow sound devoid of any humor.

“Spare me the bullshit.”

Your grip on the steering wheel tightened and you let out a sigh.

“I don’t know Dave. If McCall winds up dead then yeah, that’s an option. I haven’t been back to see my family but I don’t have the same… things anchoring me somewhere or drawing me back.”

Silently, he turned to resume watching the passing orange and brown landscape fly by.

It had been about another two hours since he last spoke and he had been so still and quiet, you thought he might have fallen asleep.

“Why’d you do it? Why are you doing this?”

His voice is gruffer, made thicker from the knot of emotion in his throat. It startles you out of your own reverie.

“Do what?”

“Why did you bother saving me? You could have made it out of there and been in another country by now. Fuck, you could have dumped me at a hospital anywhere along this godforsaken road and still be in another country by now.”

You frowned, somehow you had hoped his relative silence meant you would be able to get through this journey without delving into any sort of feelings.

“It crossed my mind, on both counts.”

He raised an eyebrow, not so much in surprise that you had thought about it, more so that you hadn’t gone through with it.

“I didn’t have any part in Susan’s death so McCall would have stopped hunting me eventually.”

You spared him a glance, he was staring at you intently, analyzing.

“Is this the part where you tell me you love me?”

You scoffed and looked at him incredulously then shook your head.

“No, it’s even more pathetic than that, Dave. You’re probably the closest thing to a friend I have and we’ve tried to kill each other before.”

That got a small laugh out of him, because really, what was more ridiculous in their line of work than friends?

Probably having a family. Dave grimaced as the thought echoed in his mind.

“We were the best at what we did.”

He said, with an air of nostalgia and you nodded in agreement.

“And the worst, somehow even with us each taking on contracts for the other, here we are, still living.”

The small smile faded from your lips at his silence and lack of a response. Your gaze fell on him again as he shrugged his mouth and sighed.

“Are we? Is it living if I’m leaving my life behind?”

This was not the Dave York you knew. Occasionally, you had seen the wry humor, and suave exterior give way to the side of him that accepted “New Hamster” as an answer instead of “New Hampshire” but not even that remained. The Dave next to you had all of those layers peeled back. He was raw and unsure.

You didn’t answer him for a few minutes, honestly there wasn’t much of anything you could say that wasn’t a load of shit. You were both too practical for pep talks. Moreover, it wasn’t a question you had even stopped to ask yourself. The answer and the journey to that answer was a dangerous one.

“I- …. It’s the best option you’ve got right now, Dave. It’s a pretty fucked situation, my advice? Take it one hour a time and if you can manage that, take it one day at a time.”

“An hour?” Dave shook his head and rubbed his stubbled chin with his hand. “All I’ve seen for hours is dirt and sand. While Mac is probably watching Carol and the girls like a fucking hawk.”

You pursed your lips, and eyed the upcoming sign detailing the available lodging and food at the upcoming exit.

“Well you’ll have the inside of our next motel room to stare at in another hour.”

Dave slipped back into silence and you simultaneously welcomed and detested it. Things were simpler without him getting all philosophical on you and contemplating what made living actually living. It hardly mattered though because he had already gone and planted that damned seed inside your brain.

You pulled up to a not entirely shitty motel and paid for the night before going back for Dave who was waiting in the car. The room wasn’t terrible and after a thorough check, you could at least confirm there weren’t any critters who would be keeping you company. At least there were two beds.

After a dinner of pizza from the diner down the road you had taken Dave on a detour to the gas station to get a burner phone. In your haste to put as much distance as possible between you and McCall, you hadn’t bothered to get him one earlier. Once that was finished you both headed back to your room to unwind.

Dave sat in one of the rickety chairs at the small table that seemed to be actively trying to shed it’s veneer layer. With a sigh, he went to work stripping and reassembling his pistol. It was calming, relaxing for him. All of the pieces had a purpose, an order, to be pulled apart then reassembled, very much unlike his life right now. Nothing had purpose or order and everything had been pulled apart, leaving him broken shards to piece back together.

Hours passed and by the look of him, you figured Dave’s fingers might have gone numb from the repetitive movements and his eyes were drooping, well his good eye was drooping more than normal since the one McCall had nearly managed to gouge was still a little worse for wear.

“Dave, get some sleep. You’re no good to me or yourself if you’re half asleep.”

You know he’s been fighting sleep for a while now, he does every night just like he fights the pain you’re sure he’s feeling but refuses to take anything for. For the first time since you two set off, you’re not annoyed by it. He’ll sleep soundly at least once he let’s exhaustion take him. All the better for what you have planned.

It wasn’t until 01:00 that Dave was finally asleep soundly enough that you felt you could get up without waking him. Quietly, you made for the table, using the flimsy pad of paper and pen there to write a note before you walked out the door and shut it behind you. Thankfully, the city you had stopped in was populated enough that rideshare services were available and in less time than you had figured, you were on your way to the airport.

Dave woke up and immediately knew something was off. It was too quiet and there was too much sun trying to peek through the curtains for it to be the usual time you both headed out for the day. He sat up quickly and grabbed his pistol, then looked around the room for any signs of danger until his eyes fell upon the pad of paper on the table. A sharp pain arched through his skull when he stood up, a remnant of his concussion. He took the note in hand and began to read:

Dave,

I figure, if I’m lucky, I’ve got 4 hours on you. If I’m really lucky, I’ve got 6. Anything more than that and I’m disappointed in you, Dave.

He looked up from the note at the digital clock on the nightstand, it read 07:30. A wry grin threatens to take shape on his lips. You’d be disappointed.

I’m not going to make this some sort of sappy letter. I don’t have time for that shit. You were right. It isn’t really living if you’ve left your life behind. Out of the two of us, you’re the only one who really has one to miss. The only way you get to go back to Carol, Molly and Alice is if McCall is out of the picture, so I’m going to give it a shot. I left you enough cash to pay the room through the week and then some. If you don’t hear from me after a week, call the number at the bottom of this note and tell him you’re cashing in a favor for me. He’ll help you out. Might even know someone else who can help with your family. I left you the car, keys are on my bed.

Good Luck.

Dave’s throat went dry and then he saw at least four shades of red before he finally calmed down to assess the situation. Then all at once, it was like ice had been poured in his veins and things began to shift into focus.

What the fuck was he doing?

This entire time he had been wallowing, perhaps well earned, but he should have been planning. He had let his grief for the loss of Susan, the storm of emotions he felt seeing Mac still alive and a simple job that had spun drastically out of control, completely cloud his judgement. He was just as well trained as Mac, but he had let his anger and emotions get the best of him on that watchtower, he couldn’t let that happen again.

Dave moved quickly and methodically as he collected everything he needed from the room and headed out to the car. He really shouldn’t drive with his eye being what it was but he only needed to get to the airport and he could make it that far at least.

He couldn’t let Mac kill you, like Ari, Reznik, and Kovac. Family.

Like hell if he was going to let the closest person he had to a friend get killed.

If anyone was going to kill you, it’d be him, just for you trying to pull off something as stupid as this.

He knew this was the best move though, Mac wouldn't be expecting an attack this soon this time, the attack wouldn't be in the middle of gale force winds on Mac's home turf. You... and he would have the upper hand this time.

Dave got through the airport with relative ease thanks to him having TSA pre-check, no one bothered to ask him about his eye which he did his best to hide with a baseball cap.

He sat down and waited for his flight to be called. Mentally, he began going through the disassembly and reassembly of the rifle he had with him at the watchtower to help focus himself and pass the time.

The PA system broke his concentration and alerted him that it was time to board. Dave was tense when he finally got to his seat and sat down. His jaw was set in concentration as he started to come up with a new battleplan and weighing his options. Yes, he was injured but he'd been through worse on missions and come out on top.

At least one person was going to die by the end of the week and he'd be damned if you and him weren't the last ones standing.

Thanks for reading, tagging a few people interested/who might be interested:

@wheresarizona @pascalsimp @beesting77 @boxdyeblonde @lackofhonor @kaybrownies @agentwhiskeypussyindulgence @elegantduckturtle @janebby @faithkeeper-81 @doin-stuff @danniburgh @pascalslittlebrat @mothandpidgeon @mouthymandalorianalso @phoenixhalliwell @kesskirata @starlightmornings @wyn-dixie

[dokoni-mo]

Where Is My Friend || Platonic! Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Summary: You and Izuku walk home together.

SFW // angst to light fluff

Word Count: 1915

WARNINGS: swearing, crying, all might slander, allusions to su*cide, otherwise none

A/N: i hate all might as a teacher. sometimes i just wanna reach through the screen and punch him for the things he tells izuku to do. this is why i made this.

~~

Izuku was late again that day, and this time you were more disappointed than mad.

With each student that passed by you and through the gates, you grew more and more irritated. You were trying to hide your annoyed expression by burying it in your phone, scrolling mindlessly through the various apps you had downloaded. Every now and again, you would check through your messages again, double and triple checking that you hadn't somehow missed a text from Izuku.

Every time, there was nothing.

Your brow furrowed when you checked it for the fifth time, forcing you to let out a silent frustrated sigh.

Izu, are you ready to go?

I'm out front

Are you still coming?

Hellloooo??? Where are you???

You promised, Izuku.

All of these messages, and no reply.

This wasn't a new occurrence. Every single day it was like this, and you would oftentimes just go home alone in silence. Izuku would always call and text to apologize to you afterwards, though.

At first you would pick up the phone. But, it slowly became less and less, to eventually nothing at all.

You were angry for a long time, but it all eventually boiled down into a soft, quiet frustration. You wondered to yourself a lot why you even bothered trying anymore. Those thoughts eventually drifted off into memories of middle school, and that quiet, timid, nerdy boy that you made your best friend.

You wondered where that boy went.

You looked up from your phone and looked at the campus around you. The area was bathed in an orange light, giving everything a warm and cozy glow. It was a beautiful spring afternoon, one that you would unfortunately most likely spend alone. Looking back down at your phone, you checked the time. It was getting somewhat late, and you knew your parents would start to worry about you if you didn't head back soon.

Five more minutes. You would give him five more minutes.

Letting out another sigh through your nose, you continued to scroll through your apps, not paying too close attention to what you were seeing. Every other second, you would peer up at the top of the screen, hoping to see the familiar bar of a notification up there.

None ever came.

A handful of photos and news articles later, and you decided to call it a quits. It had been more than five minutes, and there was still no sign of Izuku. Not one single thing.

Fuck it. You were going home.

Clicking your phone to sleep and putting it in your jacket pocket, you squared your backpack on your shoulders and stepped down the stairs of the front entrance, staring ahead at the gate with a blank expression.

Going to U.A. was you and his dream as kids. You remembered how the two of you would draw pictures of your hero costumes together, how you would spend hours of the phone coming up with the ideal schedule the two of you would have and what classes you would take.

Where did all that go? All those late nights? All those days the two of you got bullied? All those times you would tell Bakugou to fuck off when he was mean to Izuku? All the times Izuku told you to be nicer to Kacchan?

Was it all for nothing?

Were you just a memory now?

Were you not good enough to be his friend anymore?

All because of his new quirk?

It's not fair.

Not fair.

Not fair.

Not fai-

"Y/N!" you heard a voice from behind you shout, along with the rapid tapping of shoes against concrete.

It was him.

You stopped in your tracks and turned around, looking at him with a somewhat surprised expression. His green hair was the usual mess, and he was somewhat sweatier than normal. He ran quickly to catch up with you, breathing heavily once he was by your side.

You looked down at him in silence, your face unchanging.

"I'm-I'm so sorry I'm late!" He exclaimed, getting better control over his breathing, "I-I was just taking off my costume after hero training today and one of the teachers wanted to talk to me after and I-"

"It's getting late." You said, cutting him off, "We should get going."

You started to walk towards the gate again, and Izuku stared at you with a somewhat confused expression.

"Right..." he responded quietly, following by your side.

The two of you walked in silence for a good, long while. Izuku would keep looking at you to try and grab your attention, but you ignored him every time. You kept your gaze trained on your feet on the sidewalk, his red shoes in your peripheral.

You didn't want to talk. You just wanted to go home.

Go home and never talk to anyone again.

Izuku tried giving you one of his bright, warm smiles, but you ignored that too. As much as you didn't want to admit it, Izuku didn't smile the same anymore. There was something always behind his smile, something that you couldn't quite figure out.

The two of you used to share everything together, and now he was doing nothing but keeping secrets from you. You were quick to notice this, and you began to do your own digging.

You were observant, you always had been.

What you saw, you knew no one would believe you, though.

You just kept it to yourself, leaving it to rot deep inside you and plant its seeds of bad.

It was eating you alive, and you were angry.

"It's uhh..." Izuku said next to you, "It's a pretty day outside, isn't it?"

You said nothing and just kept staring down at your feet.

"It was a fun day at school too, huh?"

Nothing.

"What class did you like most?" I really liked Mr. Aizawa's today. I like it when he tells stories about his time at U.A."

Nothing.

"I also really liked All Might's cla-"

"Don't."

Izuku was definitely taken aback by your sudden, harsh response, his smile instantly fading away and his brows arching downwards.

"What... (Y/N), wh-what do you mean-"

You stopped walking abruptly, giving Izuku a glare through your lashes.

"Do not mention that man."

Izuku stopped walking too, looking at you with confusion and a touch of shock.

"You mean All Might? (Y/N), why? I thought you loved him as much as I-"

"I don't fucking love him anymore, Izuku!" you snapped, "But how would you know, huh? HOW?"

"(Y/N), what are you saying?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Izuku!" you threw your backpack off your shoulders, the extra weight only adding to your fury, "Even before we got into this shitty fucking school, you've done nothing but fucking blow me off and ignore me! I try to call, you don't answer. I try to text, you don't answer. I go over to your fucking house looking for you, and you're not there either! Do you have any clue how fucking lonely that makes me feel?! Knowing my best friend, my ONLY friend, wants nothing to do with me?!"

Izuku slid off his backpack too, his expression now more worried than anything, "(Y/N), I wasn't trying to ignore you. I-I just-"

"Just what Izuku. Just where have you been, hm? Tell me."

The green haired boy's gaze fell to the ground.

"I... I can't."

You raised your hands up and let them drop to your sides, a laugh of disbelief bubbling out of your throat.

"Fine, I'll finish it for you. You've been hanging out with fucking All Might, haven't you?"

Izuku's gaze shot back up to you, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off.

"Ah- don't even goddamn try. I know you have been, Izuku. Do you think I'm fucking stupid? Do you think I'm fucking naieve? I fucking see how you two talk to each other. How you have lunch with him every goddamned fucking day. How he always focuses on you during training. How he keeps you after school."

Izuku just simply looked at you in silence, trying to process what to say.

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, but you decided to continue anyway, "And I know, I know he's been putting shit in your head. Not letting you think for yourself, telling you that it's okay to hurt yourself. How it's noble and honorable to be bedridden for fucking weeks to save people. How you should never prioritize yourself. Well goddamn it it's WRONG Izuku! It's fucking wrong! It's wrong to tell a kid that. It's wrong to take him away from his friends. It's wrong to have fucking favorites!"

You were full on crying now, and probably looked completely out of your goddamned mind.

You didn't care.

"He was my hero too, Izuku!" you continued on, hot tears pouring down your face, "But more importantly you were my hero! You were the only person in that shitty fucking middle school that I could confide in. You were the only friend I had, and that fucking bitch took you from me! Every day I go home and beg for my friend to come back to me. I don't give a single fuck what that old man says, I need my friend back! I'm so tired of it! I'm tired of feeling like nothing, like no one wants to be around me anymore! I'm t-tired, I'm... I...."

Unable to keep yourself together anymore, you fell onto your knees and sat back on your ankles, wiping your face on the back of your hands and wrists as you sobbed.

"I just... I miss you, Izuku."

You broke down again after that, crying there on the ground for a good minute. This was probably embarrassing the hell out of you, but you didn't care anymore. You didn't care about anything anymore. You were certain that Izuku would want nothing to do with you anymore. You just both dissed him and his number one idol.

There was no hope for you and him now.

After sitting there for a good minute bawling your eyes out, Izuku gently knelt down in front of you. You could feel his big, green eyes on your face, but you didn't look up at him. From your blurred vision, you couldn't tell how he was looking at you, but you figured it couldn't be good.

You were wrong.

Suddenly and without warning, you felt two strong arms wrap around your fame, your head being pulled into a chest covered with a uniform shirt and tie. Your cries softening, you were quick to realize who they all belonged to.

Izuku.

"(Y/N)," he said, his voice soft but firm, "I didn't know you felt that way. You are my best friend, too. I didn't mean to forget about you. I was never trying to make you feel that way."

Izuku hugged you tighter, resting his chin on the top of your head.

"From now on, I promise I'll always make time for you. You're my hero too, (Y/N). Without you with me in middle school, I... I would have..."

You didn't need to hear him finish for you to connect the dots.

After along moment of fleeting, renowned silence, you wrapped your arms around the boy, holding him tight against you.

You vowed to yourself then and there, that you would never ever let him go again.

[jinxthinks]

Pat Was Used: Raising Dion Theory

Let me preface this by saying I'm in no way saying that Pat isn't responsible for being an asshole near the end of it all. What I'm saying is by the end of it he wasn't entirely in control.

What I mean to say by that is that I think there's a possibility the Crooked Man and Pat are two entirely different entities and that the Crooked Man needs a host in order to operate and absorb other super powered beings.

Okay so I'm purely going off of having watched it only once but, I have a theory on Pat's powers and why he went psycho near the end.

A lot of people assume it was all Pat. And to an extent I think it kind of was but at the same time I think he was a victim to his own abilities.

Spoilers for those who haven't finished or watched it yet, turn away now. But please come back later when you've finished watching it.

Anyways, Pat is defeated as The Crooked Man, and Mark has that speech about energy not dying it just takes on a new form. Right after that they show the farm and Braydens aunt either dead or seriously hurt. Brayden is being followed by the same cloud that followed around Pat and this is where I think it wasn't entirely Pat's fault.

I'm not trying to excuse how he was whatsoever. I just think that near the end, he wasn't as in control of himself as he thinks he was and that he was losing control of his own body to whatever gave him his powers.

One thing both Pat and Brayden have in common is they're jealous of someone else because of how they're treated by someone else.

Pat for as much as he loved Mark in his own way, did admit to feeling jealous of him because as Pat states, 'He was perfect at everything.'

Brayden is jealous to an extent of someone as well. When he tells Charlotte to meet him outside via telepathy, he tells her he's tired of being in the farm with his aunt and that he wishes the storm had taken him away with his dad instead.

So he asks Charlotte to take him with her but she refuses. So he tells her that he knows about Dion. Then he asks her what makes him so special that she would choose to sacrifice her own safety to protect him, but she refuses to do the same for Brayden despite him being in a shitty situation himself.

She ultimately leaves without him, and that plants the seed of jealousy that would ultimately lead to Brayden becoming the next host for the Crooked Man.

I don't even think it's just jealousy either that makes you vulnerable to getting taken over by it. I think it's any negative emotion.

If you look at Pat he at the time was the perfect vessel for the Crooked Man. For as much as he loved his best friend Mark like a brother, being around someone like Mark who had everything he wanted and more, it made him incredibly insecure of himself.

Mark had a beautiful loving wife, the career he'd always wanted and later on, a child which was a product of him and his wife's love for each other.

Meanwhile Pat just had a string of bad relationships and was working as Marks tech guy basically, when he'd much rather work alongside him as another scientist in the lab.

Even after Mark was gone and he started developing feelings for Nicole as a result, she rejected him time and time again. She's in her right to do so I'm not faulting her for that whatsoever. In his mind however, he probably thought, 'Why doesn't she see I'm the perfect guy for her? I love her kid as if he were my own son!'

Thoughts that the Crooked Man probably fed off of to make him do his bidding.

At one point, he was in complete control of his actions and body. As seen early on in the season and partially in flashbacks.

But much like everyone else's powers, his are strongest when he's feeling strongly about something. But in his particular case I believe it's negative thoughts as when his powers first manifested, it was because he was upset with his girlfriend at the time, having broken up with him.

I have no doubt that she probably was his... The Crooked Man's first victim.

So my idea is that this entity grants these people power over storms but as a result of its powers, they become infected and diseased.

Case in point Pat. He states his frustration near the end about how the very thing that gave everyone else powers, is eating him alive.

And I think in Pat's case that's what the Crooked Man uses to get them to absorb other supers. He makes them diseased as a side effect of being his host and plants in them the idea that they NEED to absorb other supers in order to survive.

In reality I don't think they even need to do that. I think the Crooked Man is just an asshole who has a secondary power to spread disease to whatever they wish to spread it to.

It would be mighty convenient for them if their host was dying of a disease that they convinced them could be held back by absorbing supers.

To what end you might ask? In the show he makes it a point to say absorb a few times. There's other times where he says kill as well of course and that IS a side effect of being absorbed by the Crooked Man but this is what I think.

The Crooked Man seeks to become more powerful. The most powerful super powered being out there. Or the only one out there.

By giving his hosts a disease then planting the idea in their heads that they NEED to kill other supers by 'absorbing' them, they succeed in either becoming more powerful with each one they absorb, or get slowly closer to being the only super powered being on Earth.

Not sure what the Crooked Man's end goal is yet since there's only one season. Hopefully Netflix makes another one so I can potentially add on to this theory later on.

Now how does this play into Pat's psyche near the end? I think there were moments where the Crooked Man was in absolute complete control of his body and other times where he'd kind of shine through.

Basically whenever it was most convenient for the Crooked Man to show a bit of Pat, he would.

Like when Pat told Dion about his illness and how it was killing him. I think that was mostly or entirely Pat.

Or when he was explaining himself to Nicole. I think that was mostly Pat except for when he hurt her as he left. As much as Pat was miffed at Nicole for rejecting him, I don't think he would hurt her to that extent.

He even admits to Nicole that he had no idea Mark was in New Orleans when he died. Essentially admitting that he had no plans to kill Mark.

And I honestly believe him. As Esperanza noted, the Crooked Man only sees super powered beings. Everything else is muted in color. And even the super powered beings in question are only dots of light.

Pat would have had no way of knowing who he was absorbing at the time. Which worked in the Crooked Man's favor because if he had known who he was trying to absorb, I have no doubt that he would have stopped himself from doing so.

He was jealous of Mark and his perfect life yes, but they were best friends all the same.

Basically what I'm saying is the Crooked Man uses a person's wants and desires and twists them so that they can do its bidding one way or another.

I think the Crooked Man knew that Nicole would ultimately reject Pat and was the one to ultimately go in for the kiss.

Pat explains afterward that he was basically having an internal battle on whether he should or shouldn't kiss her and ultimately ended up doing it.

One would usually attribute this to someone being indecisive, but what if it was meant in a different way.

Like he was literally having an internal battle. With what he wanted which was to not kiss her, and what the Crooked Man wanted which was to kiss her?

Don't get me wrong I'm sure Pat himself wanted to kiss her as well but I think he felt strongly against it as part of him knew and was afraid that she'd reject him just like everyone else. The Crooked Man however knew that would make him insecure enough that he could take over his body which would make things a lot easier on it for what it wanted to do.

Pat just wanted to be saved from the 'hell' he was living. Independently of whether Nicole loved him or not, that was his main goal. To be free of the disease that had been ailing him all these yrs.

However, I think the Crooked Man had started setting it's eyes on absorbing Dion the moment he cured Pat's migraines.

If you notice, episodes prior to that and the one where Dion gets sick, has Pat battling a constant migraine. But after that episode where Dion 'cures' his migraine and gets sick as a result, he never mentions it again.

One could say he didn't want to upset Nicole and him by reminding them of a time when Dion almost died trying to heal him but...

I think it was also because they were in fact cured. Pat's cured migraine caused the Crooked Man to fear Dions healing abilities.

If he could cure a diseased fox and Pat's migraines, it meant he could possibly even cure Pat's entire body from the disease that the Crooked Man himself caused.

Which would mean he'd no longer have a puppet to do his bidding.

I need to check when exactly the Crooked Man is outside of Dions window just staring, but I think there's a high possibility it was after he came back from the hospital and whatnot.

I think that's all I have on this theory at the moment. Please be sure to discuss in a civil manner if you wish to do so as I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Also please be sure to share this if you enjoy it as well.

I hope that if there's a season 2 they'll delve more into the Crooked Man and what it is hopefully, since it left more questions than answers, and I'd definitely love to add on to this theory.

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (27/40)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: I’m the slightest bit overwhelmed by how kind a lot of you are and how many people have become invested in this story. It’s the coolest thing seeing the happiness it brings some of you, even if I am stressing you out right now. Whenever I get a message about how a story has made someone’s bad day better, I get a little smile on my face. You are all awesome ☺️

Thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for being my beta! Don’t fret. She yelled at me a lot about this part of the story too, so it’s not just you guys and it does get better. 

AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @stunningswan​ @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury​ @superchocovian​ @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings​ 

-/-

Emma has never once complained about having off from work before.

Not once.

She has four days off right now. It’s four days of no baseball and no responsibility, and she has been looking forward to it for months ever since she first saw the time off on the calendar and marked it in a huge red circle. There’s nothing quite like having the ability to sleep in, not brush your hair, and lounge around in pajamas all day as you watch professional athletes hit tennis balls back and forth at each other at one hundred miles per hour as they play the US Open.

But there’s a bit of a sting to it all when two tickets to the semi-finals tomorrow are saved in her phone, and she hasn’t spoken to the person who bought them for her in three days.

(They’re in the nosebleed section so no one would notice them, and Emma remembers laughing out loud when Killian showed her the seats because she has no idea how they would even see the ball.)

Okay, there’s more than a bit of a sting.

It fucking hurts.

There’s always been a reason why she didn’t make plans so far ahead of time, not ones that require monetary and emotional commitments from her, but she’s been breaking all of her rules over the past five and half months. All of them. She’s made plans to go to Portland, to go to a wedding, to go to this idiotic set of matches that she would actually really love to go to.

All of them with Killian.

Emma should have known better. She honestly should have. Every time she ever made plans with Neal or Walsh or any other man that she was dating, they always fell through. They never held up. Either the relationship would endend, or the guy would fade away at the last minute. It didn’t matter. Every time she got her hopes up, they fell back to the ground and were crushed under the weight of her own disappointment.

Neal was the definition of flaky. He was always making these big plans with big dreams and promising her so damn much before ripping the rug out from under her so quickly that she barely even had time to brace herself before she fell flat on her ass. And the really shitty thing is that she didn’t even realize how awful it was that he was doing that to her because that’s what people had been doing her entire life – foster parents, social workers, childhood friends, her birth parents. That little seed of hope would be planted, roots would start to grow, and then it’d all be torn out of the ground. She was in a relationship like that for years and then fell into the same exact trap two years later.

Why would Killian be any different?

(Of course he is different.)

A laugh escapes her lips at that, one she didn’t give permission to, and all it does is make Emma curl into her bed a little bit more, wrapping her arms around her pillow and yanking the blankets further up her body so that the outside world can’t get to her. It’s just Emma, her laptop, and a bag of salt and vinegar chips that are most likely going to break her tongue out.

As it should be.

This is not how her day was supposed to go.

Not at all.

Killian was supposed to come over after his morning training, and he was going to spend time with her and probably Ruby, debating television shows and movies and eating whatever takeout he decided to bring on his way here. But Killian isn’t here. She doesn’t even know where he is. Probably not training considering he’s out for the rest of the regular season.

It’s what he told her, but it’s also what she’s read in about fifteen different articles online.

And what she had to post on her Twitter account as part of her job. Life is funny that way. You think you can avoid your boyfriend and all information about him, but she can’t. It’s part of her freaking job.

She couldn’t have kept herself from reading the articles online if she’d tried.

(She didn’t.)

There’s a knock on her door, a sound that Emma has been ignoring for most of the past few days, but she didn’t turn the lock when she went to get her chips two hours ago, so Ruby easily opens the door and walks into her bedroom. She’s got her hair pulled back into a ponytail and is wearing leggings and a sports bra like she just went to the Pilates class that Emma skipped out on.

She shouldn’t have done that.

Fueling her emotions into that would probably have been a much healthier way to cope. No, it definitely would have been. Exercise is better than stuffing her mouth with junk food even if junk food feels so much better at first.

Shit. She’s pathetic. But honestly, she doesn’t even care.

“Hey,” Ruby says quietly as she shuts the door behind her. “How are you feeling?”

Emma doesn’t respond, just curls herself further into her pillow like the pathetic person she is as a tennis ball is thwacked across the court and bounces up into the bottom level of the stands. But Ruby, never one to be deterred by anything, walks across the room and settles down on the bed behind Emma, wrapping her arms around her stomach and pulling her closer while Ruby’s chin rests on her shoulder.

It’s the most considerate touch she’s felt in days, and it’s the only time that someone hasn’t shown her pity or tried to tell her that everything was going to be okay. After she left the hospital, leaving Killian behind with her mind reeling and falling down a hole with no escape, Emma immediately went to her apartment and changed into running clothes before running until her legs wouldn’t work anymore. It was fifteen miles, something she’s done before, something that’s not even her personal best, and she thought that she could keep going.

She had to keep going.

But the adrenaline died out on her, all of her anger and rage and, frankly, sadness dissipated into barely being able to breathe, and she’d swiped her metro card and walked through the gates to get on the train that would take her to David’s house because she needed him like she hadn’t needed him in years. David is always the reasonable one, is always the one who makes her see things that she can’t see, but he wasn’t there. It was only Leo and Mary Margaret, and as much as Emma loves Mary Margaret, she couldn’t understand why Emma was so hurt by Killian lying to her.

It’s not what the lie was, though that is a pretty big deal. It’s the fact that the lie happened.

Over and over again.

She gave him her heart in all of the shattered and glued back together pieces, and as careful as he is with it, he still managed to add a crack or two.

How could she have ever expected otherwise?

Why did she?

Why does she still want him to be the one to help her keep holding it together?

David had eventually come home and seen her talking to Mary Margaret, and somehow, he just knew that she needed him to hold her for a little while. He did, cupping the back of her head with his hand and not placating her by telling her that everything was okay or that she shouldn’t be angry or anything else that she wasn’t quite ready to hear yet.

There were a lot of things she wasn’t ready to hear that day.

“Do you want to go for a walk with me sometime today?” Ruby asks, and Emma breathes out on a sigh, her stomach swirling in a messy cloud of anxiousness over the fact that Ruby has finally decided that Emma has to talk. She’s been waiting for it. She’s also been expecting a much more abrasive conversation. “I know that your legs probably still feel like shit from that crazed run you went on, but I feel like a walk would be good. Fresh air, exercise, maybe I will even stop and buy two dozen donuts. You know, really splurge and keep them to ourselves and not let Graham have any.”

Emma chuckles, and this time she’s kind of glad for it. It’s not a big belly laugh, but it’s something.

Baby steps are better than nothing.

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a walk?

“Nope. It’s good to get our legs moving, work some of this laziness out of you. Plus, I fully plan on making us walk the full perimeter of Central Park, so we’ll have earned those donuts. If we haven’t died first because that’s a huge ass park.”

“You do realize that Bryant park is closer?”

“And that’s exactly why we’re not going there.” Ruby squeezes her again, pretty much hugging her, and it may actually make Emma’s heart swell. “C’mon, Ems. Indulge me for an afternoon, okay? It’s not like you to lay in bed like this. I don’t like it.”

It’s not. She’s already thought that. This isn’t her. She’s not the type of girl who lays around in bed because she’s upset that she and her boyfriend got into a fight, if that’s even what this can be called. There wasn’t exactly any fighting, even if her mind has managed to create the illusion that there was. Honestly, she barely let him get any words in besides his explanation of what happened. And she’s not the type of girl who cries and eats ice cream and wonders how life will ever go on.

There’s nothing wrong with doing that, but it’s not her.

And she hasn’t cried. That’s beside the point, though.

“It’s really comfortable in here, okay?”

“You’re moping.”

“Then let me mope.”

Ruby sighs and hugs her a little closer.

“Emma, I know that I might not seem like the most emotionally mature person at times, but I’ve been in a steady relationship for a long time. I know that things like this happen, and I know that after lying in bed for nearly three days now, you need to get your ass up. You’re not going to find any solutions at the bottom of that chip bag.”

“I hate Graham for helping you be so emotionally stable. You used to hate love.”

“It’s all the good fucking. I’m telling you. Knocked some sense right into me.”

Emma barks out a laugh and completely rolls over on her stomach, letting Ruby’s arms release her as she snorts into the pillow. “You are the worst,” she mumbles, her voice muffled by the material.

“I am the best.” There’s a slap against her ass that has Emma jumping and rolling over again so that she nearly knocks over her laptop. “Now, go brush your teeth, put on some deodorant, and change clothes so we can take over the city with our powerwalk like the rich old ladies we’ve always aspired to be.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

It’s an actual blazing inferno outside, the heat curling up from the concrete to practically burn through Emma’s sneakers, and it makes her really not want to be out on this walk. But she knows that the faster she walks, the faster she can go back home and retreat back to her room. All she really wants is to go back to her room.

And get under the shades of the trees in the park. September needs to end and allow October to roll in so that she won’t sweat every time she steps outside. This is ridiculous.

It’s probably all of the salt and vinegar leaving her pores. What a thought to have.

If only eating strawberries or kale or something was a good emotional comfort food.

It’s a little over a mile to the park, and as awful as the entrance is all full of tourists and street vendors and people trying to sell her a guide to the city like she doesn’t know it’s on a grid system, Emma is thankful just to have the slight breeze and be away from the masses of people. She won’t admit it, not out loud, but Ruby was right to get her to get up and get moving. When she’s lounging around, her mind wanders to things that it shouldn’t wander to, and at least now she’s able to put all of her focus on putting one foot in front of the other and watching all of the people around her.

Why pay for Broadway tickets when you can watch people in Central Park?

The air-conditioning. Yep. The air-conditioning.

They walk for an hour, just a casual stroll that Emma keeps thinking should be a run, but the heat of the day becomes too much for her, her heartbeat going wild, and as soon as she sees an unoccupied bench in the shade, she makes a run for it, leaving Ruby to catch up from behind. It’s a bit ridiculous, but this is a golden opportunity to allow herself to sit down and breathe without anyone bothering her since most people in the area are concentrated around the boathouse and not the little beaten path to the side of it.

“I hate summer,” Ruby groans when she reaches the bench. “It’s the worst. I don’t care that it’s when all of the good sports happen. It’s too damn hot.”

Emma bends down to rest her elbows on her knees and cradle her head in her palms. “It was your idea to come out here.”

“Yeah, well, you were depressing me.”

She doesn’t say anything back, taking a moment to breathe and stare down at the laces on her shoes. One of them is about to come untied, but she can’t bother to fix it. There’s no point if she plans on never moving from this spot. The sweat that’s trickling down her back is going to keep her glued here anyways.

How the hell did she run fifteen miles the other day? What kind of rage-fueled adrenaline was that?

“Killian lied to me about his shoulder.”

The words come out without her permission. She doesn’t even remember thinking them. Her mind was blank and then all of the sudden they were there, escaping from her tongue and her lips and becoming part of the air that’s surrounding she and Ruby.

Emma is still staring at the ground. Her hand has also unconsciously found the chain around her neck, the one with Killian’s mom ring that he gave her as a good luck charm. She hasn’t been able to take it off. She wanted to, wanted to take away that reminder of him, but she couldn’t do it.

Killian wanted her to have one of his most prized possessions, and as mad as she is at him right now, she can’t take it off.  It means too much to her to have been given something like this.

“He lied to me,” she continues, taking a deep breath, though she’s not sure if it’s from the exercise or the emotions running a race in her mind and wearing down her nerves. “And I get it. He was scared. He – ”

“He didn’t want you to think less of him for being broken.”

“How do you know that?”

“Mary Margaret told me. You know she can’t keep a secret.”

Emma chuckles, but it’s a weak one, before lifting her head back up so that all of her blood can return to its rightful place. She was starting to get worried it wouldn’t. All she can really focus on is how cool the metal of the ring is against her stomach.

“Unlike you have apparently become, I am not the best with my emotions,” Emma continues. All of the words she’s been holding up are bubbling up to the surface and ready to spill over and run rampant. “I’m pretty shitty with them, but Killian made me feel comfortable, you know? When we’re together, I do pretty okay sharing all of the broken parts of me. He knows a lot of stuff that not even you know, and I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we trusted each other enough to share the brokenness. And trust me, we have a lot of it. We’ve had…we’ve had pretty shitty lives at some points, and I am so mad at him for repeatedly not telling me that he was hurt and for not being smart enough to stop playing and get some help. It’s not that big of an injury, but it could have been. He loves that stupid game, and he’s going to lose it if he keeps doing things like this.”

Ruby reaches down and grabs Emma’s hand and wraps her fingers around her palm and squeezes so that Emma has to look up at the sky to stop the tears from finally falling. This is dumb. This is all so dumb, and every bit of it could have been avoided.

“I think though,” Emma continues, still blinking away the tears, “past the lying and this gut-wrenching fear that he’s going to lie to me about other things too, I’m mostly hurt that he didn’t feel comfortable talking to me. I love him so much, Rubes. He probably has no idea how much I love him because I barely know how to express it, and, but I don’t know how to fully trust him if this is going to be a pattern.”

Ruby’s sighs, and Emma swears that she feels it in her own bones. Her heartrate has calmed down, something next to normal, and she no longer feels like she’s going to throw up. She was kind of feeling like that for a little while, and the guy sitting in the grass fifteen feet away from them reading a book in peace probably wouldn’t appreciate that.

“You’ve got to talk to him.”

“I don’t – ”

“You don’t want to right now,” Ruby finishes for her, and Emma twists her head to the side to look over at the lake instead of at Ruby. “I know. I got that. You have every right to be pissed off at him. You have every right to kick and scream and feel anger so deep in your belly that it aches when you breathe. It doesn’t matter what he lied to you about. If it hurt you, it hurt you. Case closed.”

“I know but – ”

“Nope, nope, you’re going to let me finish. I am on a roll, and you’re going to crush my momentum.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Ruby squeezes her hand again before letting go. “Killian should not have lied to you. That’s just…I know we all tell little white lies, but this is obviously different. He shouldn’t have lied to you or to anyone. He should have trusted the people who he loves with the things he’s struggling with, but I don’t think this was about him not trusting you. He didn’t tell his family about any of it either.”

“They knew about the accident.”

“To be fair, Liam was there, and I think there’s no way Elsa couldn’t find out.”

“Semantics.”

“Very important ones,” Ruby points out. “I don’t – I’m not trying to tell you how to feel. I’m just saying that Killian didn’t do this out of malicious intent. He’s not Walsh, and he’s certainly not Neal. He is not spending his time trying to bring you down because he can’t handle being with a successful woman. I honestly think he’s scared of losing you and of losing the game, and that can make people do things that they wouldn’t usually do. You may not realize it, but I think you have become just as important to Killian as baseball is – if not more so. I know all about that ring you keep messing with and how big of a deal it is. Honey, he wouldn’t have given that to you if he didn’t love you. I’m not saying that fixes everything because it doesn’t. You have to talk to him and let yourself trust him if you think he’s worth trusting.”

Ruby echoes the words Killian said to her in Elsa’s office, the words that she repeated to Mary Margaret when she was trying to explain what was going on. They’re right. They’re all right, and she hates it. She doesn’t even know why. She should be thrilled that everyone seems to think that Killian didn’t set out to hurt her.

She thinks that too.

But Ruby is right in the fact that he did hurt her and right in the fact that she should be allowed to feel how she feels. How could she not with everything that’s happened to her in her life?

But she’s not thrilled.

And it’s dumb. Really, really dumb. Because she should want to get up from this bench and run to Killian’s apartment. It’s not far, maybe another mile walk, but she has absolutely emotionally exhausted herself to the point that talking about this more would be too much for her.

Talking everything out is still new to her, and when the stakes are this high, that pestering feeling that it’s all going to go wrong is continually building. Because what if Killian realizes that she’s more broken than he thinks too she is, and it’s all too much to deal with? Their relationship seems so simple on the surface and yet underneath it all…

Oh fuck.

Emma loves Killian so damn much, more than anything as he would say, but being together has never been simple. It’s always been a series of guesses and choices and an underlying hope that things would work out. She allowed herself to have that hope from the beginning, when she barely knew anything about him and when he’d fucked up with her already, and she should allow herself to have that same faith now that she genuinely knows so much of what makes up the ever-evolving person who is Killian Jones.

Tomorrow. She’ll talk to him tomorrow. Her stomach is still in too many knots for her to even think about seeing his face today and seeing the smile that always makes everything inside of her feel like it is floating on cloud nine.

Tomorrow. It has to be tomorrow because then she’s got to leave for Boston and Detroit, and she’s not waiting a week.

And she almost desperately needs to know how he’s doing. He’s got to be hurting, and she knows that she added to that.

“Can we go get those donuts now, Rubes?”

“Absolutely.”

The walk home seems swifter than the walk there, and it’s likely because Emma isn’t weighed down by the heaviness of a lot of things that are on her heart. Or maybe it’s because she does have donuts to look forward to. Today is going to be her last day of self-indulgence where she allows herself to mope and eat like all of the junk food in the world is going to disappear tomorrow. Because tomorrow she’s going to start eating actually balanced meals with things like vitamins and nutrients – most of the time – and she’ll hopefully stop feeling so sorry for herself.

That’s a bit of a gamble.

Ruby still makes a point of distracting her for the afternoon, obviously sensing that Emma is two seconds away from running away to her room and never emerging again, and while she contemplates that a few times throughout the day, especially when Graham comes home and kisses Ruby hello, she doesn’t.

In fact, she’s the last one awake and the only one to stay out in the living room. The only light that’s on comes from the TV, a tennis match still going on late in the night, and maybe it’s the lack of sleep she’s gotten or maybe it’s that feeling that happens when you’re alone at night and your mind starts playing tricks on you, but something gives her the courage to pull out her phone and text the person she’s been thinking about all day.

Emma: How’s your arm?

The bubble pops up immediately.

Killian: It hurts, mostly in the mornings, but not too bad. Lots of Ibuprofen and ice.

Emma: That’s good.

Emma: Not that it hurts. That it’s not too bad.

Killian: Yeah, I’m glad it’s not as bad as it has been.

Her heart may actually break a bit more at the thought of him being hurt all of this time. She’s been so mad at him, so frustrated with him for not sharing it with her, and she’s barely had any time to think about all of the pain that he’s been going through. Shitty move on her part.

It’s one thing to get injured and still be able to go about your daily life. It’s another when your livelihood depends on your body.

Killian: You should still use the tickets tomorrow. Take Ruby or David. I can get you an upgrade to sit closer since I’m not going with you now.

I don’t want to use them with anyone but you, she types, a little pathetically.

She doesn’t actually send that message. She can’t muster up the courage no matter how much truth is in the statement. Wine or whiskey or, hell, tequila are really tempting at this point to make herself feel a little less – upset, conflicted, hopeful even. But drowning sorrows in alcohol is no way to solve a problem, even if she’s done it before. It’ll only make her feel worse.

Emma: Can we talk tomorrow?

That text is riskier, means more, and is far scarier, and yet it’s the one she sends.

Killian: I’d like that.

Emma: Me too.

[testifytime]

do everything for me, you already know about me BUT: im described as "chaotic faggot" by my friends, i have no filter, I can switch from being outgoing to really nervous in a second, i like drawing, dice, and divinitation. i hoard candles and incense, and i like paintball.

- A Pokemon team/type theme (+ fun facts abt your team!)

Your team is full of Poison types! They’re used the most often for rascly lil fucker trainers, so, it fits :3c

Your signature Pokemon is Toxtricity, though your team also consists of Whirlipede, Haunter, Gloom, Toxicroak, and Crobat!

Fun facts!

Your Toxtricity was sent to you by your juggabro. In his words, it’s a “cool Pokemon to fit your aesthetic but keep you on track”. It can be pretty overprotective, but sometimes it turns a blind eye to the more chaotic things you do. 

Your Whirlipede is just an entire baby. Even though it’s got toxic spikes on its shell that COULD kill you, it’s pretty much a lapbug. You just have to try and remind it to be careful before it goes in for snuggles. 

Your Haunter and Gloom actually kind of hate each other! Having them out at the same time often ends up with you either getting paralysed or put to sleep. They’re super sweet when they’re apart, though, and both LOVE scritches. 

Toxicroak used to be really loveydovey when it was a Croagunk, but now it acts like it’s too cool for school. It’s really not. If you pay more attention to another Pokemon it WILL jab you in the stomach. And then it’ll pretend like it totally wasn’t even because it was jealous. 

Your Crobat is the sweetest of the bunch!! It likes to collect (read: steal) things for you that it thinks you’ll like, and is almost always attached to your back out of its Pokeball. Sometimes without you wanting it to be. It can be a bit of a pain, sometimes. 

- Bloodcaste/lusus/chumhandle as if you were a Homestuck troll (+lore)

You’re a purpleblood with a seaserpent lusus! Your chumhandle is acquiredTalisman. 

You live with your lusus in a hive that boarders where the jungle forest ends and the beach begins. It’s a pretty popular spot for violetbloods, admittedly, but it’s also the only place your giantass Seaserpentdad can actually fit; the mouth of the river is deep and leads directly out into the ocean, where he spends most of his time. The hive itself is pretty cluttered - because man, you suck at keeping shit tidy - and filled to the brim with your dice collections, your religious paraphenalia, and all the random junk you’ve stolen (of which there is a lot). 

You have a few interests, of which the main is your religion. You’re a diviner of sorts, oddly sought out by your fellow purplebloods to tell them what their purpose is in life as stated by the Great Mirthful Messiahs. You’re not entirely sure that they really do speak through you, but your readings are scary-accurate, and not only does it mean that you’ve made more friends, but you’ve made a fuck tonne of money, too. You’re more fond of practicing with your friends, or on your own, sneaking what you can beneath your lusus’ snout; so far, he hasn’t seemed to question the candle collection you have, or the alter with the Faygo bottlecaps, or the cards, or pendulum made from a grubbone you got from one of your customers. Actually, he hasn’t noticed much of anything? You’re hesitant to go TOO far, but you do like pushing at what you can get away with every now and then. 

On top of that, you love to draw - mostly as a form of worship, but also just for fun with your juggabros. You send drawings back and forth, even though you’ve never been able to meet them, and it’s pretty fun! You hope one day that you can get them to your favourite hangout spot to cause a little chaos - which usually means trashing the violetbloods’ rich boy shit and stealing things you know they’re too proud to tattle about. You don’t... always remember doing those things? But you definitely remember the amount of violetbloods that give you nasty glares whenever you walk past. It’s okay, though. You have a rifle and you’re not afraid to use it.

Beyond that, though, you’re... kind of lonely. There’s nobody that you really consider a friend around you, and when your friends do visit you, it’s only every few months. Having all those customers and the nasty violetbloods hanging around is great, sure, but... sometimes you wish you could move your hive closer inland to be near your juggabros. You could, you guess. But then where would your lusus go?

Your lusus is kind of ridiculously huge. You really couldn’t miss him even on the horizon, his giant form standing stark against the two moons. Not that he spends a whole lot of time above the water, though. He pretty much only comes back to get fed and throw a fit if he sees any of your purpleblood customers hanging around. 

- Symbol/guardian/chumhandle as if you were a Homestuck kid (+lore)

Your symbol is a and your guardian is your big bro! Your chumhandle is augmentedTemptation.

You and your older bro kick it in a sweet lil bottom-floor apartment. It’s kinda dingy, kinda shitty, but it’s the best he can afford and you’re not really one to complain when you know how hard he works just to keep the leaky roof over your head. It’s got everything you want out of a home, anyway; separate bedrooms, tiny bathroom, sweet hangout pad that doubles as a kitchen (which you’ve got a curtain draped over so that it looks like they’re two rooms) - it’s pretty neat. It’s also got a fire escape out the back and easy access to the lobby doors that’re easy to pick, so you figure it’s kinda home. 

You absolutely fucking love to play paintball. You’ve got a painball gun that you maybe stole from the store once, and a couple pellets you’ve been buying for cheap online whenever you have the money. You don’t... actually have anyone to play with, but hey, cop cars make a great target. It feeds into your general need for chaos, which isn’t limited to - but has involved - petty theft, breaking into cars, and spray painting defametory phrases against racists and homophobes on billboards. You’ve never actually been caught. Okay, you got caught once, but you’re really good at crying. You’re pretty sure your bro doesn’t know about that.

You like to practice witchy shit in your spare time. You’ve got altars set up for your patrons, and a candle collection that you really don’t know that you’re ever gonna burn through. Plus, incense! Your bro kind of hates the smell, but you just crack open a window and it’s like he doesn’t even know. You’ve also got a pretty fair collection of crystals, but that’s more because people just keep giving them to you? It’s wild what they’ve thought were just normal rocks, and you’re pretty sure some of your collection could sell for a pretty buck, but they make way better offerings. 

Of course, you also love to talk to your friends online. You have a bunch! You’re pretty easy to get on with, you think, so you end up just kinda collecting people into one giant group of friends that never stops growing. You share art, play games, chat, make them worried sick when you do dumb shit - it’s great. 

Sometimes at dusk you like to go up to the roof of the apartment block you and your bro live in and stand right on the edge. It’s so high up you can see around for miles, and everything below you looks like a speck of dust beneath your feet. The stars twinkle above you in the darkening sky, just barely visible, and you think, every now and then, that you are very, very small. 

- A FNAF animatronic design and name

You’re a broken down animatronic, probably one of the earliest of your kind. Maybe even a prototype? Nobody really remembers anymore. You’ve just kind of always been there, at the back of the store, half a body and more coherent than people expect you to be, but never fully quite there. Your head lulls back and forth, your arms moving sluggishly, and in order to get around, you drag yourself across the floor.

You can speak, but not by much. It’s glitchy and switched out more often than not, absolutely terrifying to hear in the dark - but you’re a pretty sweet soul, all things considered. The few who’ve been brave enough to slip back behind the old, abandoned doors, past the cobwebs and through the narrow halls, who haven’t run at the first sight of you, tell tales of a sweet carcass who seemed more scared of being found than anything else. 

There are a couple kids who routinely come back to visit you. They like to give you things they’ve found outside the pizzaria, mostly coins and old dice and things that smell sweet to try and cover up how musty you are. 

You’ve never hurt a soul the entire time you’ve been there, but your reputation has been built on the whispers of kids who’ve seen the rotting maw of your muzzle, the glint of your endoskeleton and the shine of your eyes in the dark. They call you Thing - as if giving you a name will make you come to life. 

The ones that know you better call you Peppi. 

- A BNHA Quirk and hero title

Your Quirk is Corroding Touch. Despite its name, and how terrifying it sounds, your quirk is pretty simple! Anything you touch wastes away, and you can control how far along its own personal timeline it decays through. For instance, you could touch a flower and have it start wilting, and stop there on its timeline - or you could have it waste away to a point that it decays completely and turns to mush. 

The drawback here is that what you’re doing is essentially speeding up a natural process. Things that don’t waste away without outside forces - such as rocks through erosion - won’t be affected by your quirk. Things that live very long lives before decaying - such as turtles - will take up a lot more of your time to speed them through their natural timeline. Finally, you can’t reverse what you’ve done. Once you’ve sped it through its natural timeline, there’s no going back; another quirk will have to undo the effects.

Of course, it also means that if you plant an oak seed, instead of waiting hundreds of years for it to grow into an oak tree, you can just use your quirk to speed up the process. So it’s a good-bad thing!

Your hero title is the Wasteful Hero: Corrosion. You’re a sort of last-resort hero, and you don’t like being in the limelight. Your quirk is dangerous if not handled correctly, so you work on a team with another hero who has a counter-effective quirk to yours (essentially Hyper Growth!). A lot of civillians are scared of you, but that’s okay. You know that what you do is important, and that your ranking doesn’t matter so long as you’re saving lives.

You are a little bitter, though, that your partner is several ranks ahead of you.

[stilloutofmyvulcanmind]

Imperfectly Perfect

Request: For @drawasaur who asked for some cuddly fluffy angst with Billy fro Me and Mrs. Jones

Fandom: Me and Mrs. Jones

Pairing: Billy Delaney x Gender-Neutral Reader

Characters: Billy Delaney, Reader, OC

Word Count: 3125

Warning: Family members being mean, some swears

Author’s Note: So here it is! My first ever fic for a Robert Sheehan character! I hope you guys like it :)

“So where is he? This boyfriend of yours?” One of your elderly relatives asked you. She was your grandmother’s brother’s wife. Or was it your grandfather’s brothers wife? You hadn’t seen in her so long you couldn’t quite remember. Which made the condescending tone so much worse.

“Billy’s working in the kitchen. He’ll be out once all the food is done.”

She tutted and rolled her eyes at you. “Couldn’t he have taken the night off? You only get one first impression.”

Biting back a remark about how she was the only one making bad impressions, you forced a smile. “He did take the night off. But the other chef called in sick, and it was either Billy step in, or us to have no food. If you wanted to be sure he was here, you should’ve picked somewhere he didn’t work for this reunion.”

She still didn’t look impressed but matched your forced smile. “At least it shows he has a good ethic. Unlike some.”

There it was, the first dig at you of the night. Because of course creating art took no time or effort whatsoever. You could’ve mentioned the several high-value commissions you’d recently completed, but it wasn’t worth the energy. Instead, you excused yourself to go and greet and some of your cousins who’d just walked in.

The moment you’d heard that a family reunion was being organised and that the bar was the chosen location, you’d known it was going to be the worst. The perfect opportunity for the old crones of your family to spend an entire night judging your life choices, up to and including your relationship with Billy. It was barely thirty minutes in and you were already exhausted.

It was just about manageable to mingle for another half hour until the fresh food was cooked and placed out, and Billy was free to leave. He must’ve popped up to the flat to change first because when he finally joined you, he definitely didn’t look like he’d just spent several hours in a baking hot kitchen.

“How’s it going?” He asked, wrapping an arm around your waist as he joined you at the bar.

“Well I’ve only been compared to two of my cousins so far, so I’d say relatively well,” you answered with a sigh, knocking back a shot.

“I bet you’re the best person in this room,” Billy said with a kiss to your temple.

“You’re biased though.”

He shrugged and winked, “Maybe just a little.”

You laughed, the first time you’d done so all evening. Billy always was able to cheer you up. Twisting, you took his hand. “Ready to head into the fray and put up with several rounds of twenty questions?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, sweetheart.” Billy raised your hand to his lips, a cheeky twinkle in his eye. “Come on.”

Billy was a hit with your family. Of course, he was. Everyone he met, he charmed. People not liking him was never really your worry though. Billy was universally lovable, the accent alone was enough to make someone swoon. No, there had definitely been zero worries that your family wouldn’t approve of Billy, would think he wasn’t good enough. In fact, it was exactly the opposite.

“So how did you two end up together exactly?” A great-aunt asked, “You’re such a professional, Billy, and Y/N is…”

“Also a professional,” Billy finished for her, the arm he had around your waist, tightening slightly. “My boss hired her to create some new art for the bar. When Y/N came into to talk details, I brought them out some food, and well,” he smiled at you for a moment, before looking back to your aunt. “It was love at first sight. For me. Took weeks of my best flirting before this one made room in their schedule for a date.”

“How sweet,” your aunt smiled, “I’m surprised a handsome, accomplished young man like yourself hadn’t already been snatched up though!”

“Ah well, wasn’t really looking to get snatched up.”

“But…you are now? The two of you are serious?”

You swapped a glance with Billy and nodded, “Yeah. I, uh, I’m actually planning on moving in with Billy soon.”

“Marvelous! To be young and in love again!”

It was then that Rachel caught Billy’s attention, motioning for him to come over. Billy excused himself politely, kissing your cheek, before he left your side, and meandered over.

Your Aunt watched him a moment, then looked to you. “Are you sure you want to move in with him dear?”

You frowned, “Why wouldn’t I? He’s amazing, and we love each other.”

“Well given your choice of…career, it’s to be expected that money might be a little difficult to come by, and moving in with a man who lives rent-free could seem like a good idea.” The soft yet concerned smile would have fooled many into believing that she didn’t know exactly how many ways she was insulting you, but you knew better.

“I would never do something like that. I’m moving in with Billy because I love him.”

“I’m sure you do, love. And I’m sure the good wage helps with that!”

Scoffing in sheer disbelief, you shook your head. “I am not with Billy because I’m broke and desperate. I’ve been paid to create art for several clubs around here, I’m regularly selling smaller pieces online. I’m doing just fine by myself, and I don’t need you insinuating otherwise.”

You turned on your heel and left, stormed away really, and went and got yourself another drink. Was she the only one who thought like that? It made your stomach churn just thinking about it. Surely that was the worst thing anyone could say at least?  

Yeah right.

“Alex is training to be a chef, don’t you think they’d be more suited?”

“Maybe if you took a leaf out of Morgan’s book with fashion you wouldn’t look like such an odd couple.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little out of your league?”

“And you got the job here before you started dating? Huh.”

“You’ve been together nearly a year? Really? Wow.”

“I don’t want to be mean, but I wouldn’t get too comfortable. He’ll find someone that matches him better sooner or later, and you wouldn’t want to get caught off guard.”

The digs and insults kept on coming and it was exhausting. Billy tried his best to field them, stood up for you when your work was questioned, constantly went on about how much he loved you, but it was impossible for him to be next to you all night, and the moment his back was turned the onslaught started straight back up.

You’d expected it to be bad, but not this bad, and it was impossible not to let some get to you. Maybe Billy would be better off with someone else. You were far from perfect, and Billy was amazing. Honestly, you weren’t sure you’d ever had a boyfriend as great as him.

One of your cousins had captured him at the bar. They’d been flirting on and off all evening, despite Billy making it clear he wasn’t interested. They made a good looking couple, you thought, sipping your drink in a quiet corner of the room. It was a shitty feeling, like a punch to the gut. You told yourself it was all bullshit, that you shouldn’t listen to them, but once the seed of doubt was planted, it was impossible to shift.

You wanted to scream. Wanted to shout and yell and tell nearly everyone in the room where to go. You wanted Billy to wrap his arms around you, tell you it was okay. Mostly you just wanted to go home and hide.

But of course, you couldn’t do that either.

Several family members were staying in your flat for the night, and several more were staying at Billy’s. You’d set a small tent up on the balcony for the two of you, which definitely meant no hiding.

It was gone midnight by the time the party was over, and the people staying in Billy’s had gone to bed. You took a quick shower and changed into a pair of pyjamas, and tiptoed outside. The weather was warm still, the moon bright in the sky. It would’ve been peaceful if it wasn’t for the horn blaring in the distantce, and the roar of bus engines passing by. It was still one of your favourite spots though.

You stayed, for a while, then clambered into the tent. It was old, from Billy’s traveling days, but it was still in good condition and surprisingly cozy. You were still alone for the moment, Billy had gone to shower after you, and hadn’t returned yet. Not a word had been spoken about the events of the evening, you weren’t even sure how aware he was of what had been said to you. Maybe that was for the best. For now at least.

“Alone at last,” Billy chuckled as he climbed in behind you. “Your family talk a lot.”

“That they can.” You wiggled down on top of the blankets and watched as Billy zipped up the tent, sealing you off from the world. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For putting up with them tonight. For letting them stay here. You deserve a medal.”

Billy laughed, laying down next to you. “I’d do anything for you, sweetheart.”

The comment should’ve made you feel better, but it didn’t. All you could hear were the echoes of conversation from earlier in the night, and the nagging doubt that refused to leave. Maybe they were all right. Maybe Billy was going to drop you as soon as someone better came along. No. He’d never do that. He loved you. You loved him. They were all just nasty old women who enjoyed causing trouble.

Right?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Billy poked at your side, propping himself up on one arm.

“Doesn’t matter, it’s nothing.”

“You looked sad. Anything that makes you sad matters.”

How did you end up with someone so perceptive? None of your past boyfriends would have even noticed you were thinking about anything. “It’s stupid…”

“Pft, nothing makes you sad is stupid. Is it about tonight? Did someone say something?”

Huffing a laugh you shook your head. “Several someone’s. But it is stupid. They were talking bullshit and I shouldn’t let them get to me.”

“Tell me anyway?”

You looked at him a moment and sighed. Scrubbing a hand over your face, you pushed yourself to sit up, not quite sure if you could face seeing Billy as you talked. Because you don’t want to risk finding out that they might’ve been on to something, the dumb voice in the back of your mind said. “Let’s see, where’s the best place to start? Oh right, there were all the time’s people expressed surprise that Rachel hired me before we started dating. Then there were the times it was insinuated that I’m moving in with you because I’m too broke to afford my own place. At least half a dozen seemed to think you’d be better matched to one of my cousin’s. Alex is a chef so of course you’d be a match made in heaven! Oh! And how could I forget being told not to get comfortable because I’m just a passing fling until you find someone perfect for you.”

You stopped your rant, breath ragged and tears burning at your eyes. Behind you, you could hear Billy shift, then his warmth as he moved to sit next to you. “And I know I shouldn’t listen to them. I know I’m so much more than they pretend I am. I know you love me. I know I’m not a fling. But…”

“It’s hard to ignore,” Billy finished. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“It’s so stupid though,” you whispered into his t-shirt.

“No, it isn’t. It’s not stupid at all.” Billy kissed the top of your head, drawing you in closer until he had you securely in his arms. “I’m sorry I left you alone so much. Every time I tried to get back to you I was bombarded with questions by someone.”

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t need a chaperone to talk to my own family.”

“Still, I prefer your company. Man, I thought Alfie was the most persistent flirter, but your cousins are terrible!”

You laughed at that, “They are pretty bad. Sorry you had to put up with that.”

“I’ve had worse. Just thought about you to get me through.”

You elbowed him lightly even as you blushed, making him laugh. Billy was the worst flirter out of everyone, always saying something that reduced you to a flushed, rambling mess, even now nearly a year in. Not that you minded. It was a nice feeling. Special.

A comfortable silence fell, Billy still with his arms wrapped around you, absentmindedly drawing random patterns on your arm with a finger.  It was calming, relaxing, almost enough to make you feel sleepy. But there was still something picking away at the back of your mind.

“You’re sure me moving in is what you want, right? We can take some more time if you need.”

Billy pulled back enough that he could look down at you. “I’m sure. There’s nothing I want more than you and all your goofy little bits and pieces living with me.”

He was telling the truth. You could see it in those beautiful hazel eyes, and as tempting as it was to kiss him, you scoffed, pretending to be offended. “My goofy bits and pieces?! Are you implying that all my things and I are not the epitomai of seriousness?”

Billy scrunched his face up and shrugged. “Weeelll kinda.”

“Wow…” Shaking your head in disbelief, you slipped a hand under Billy’s shirt. “Guess I’ll just have to show you how un-serious I can be then!” Before he had a chance to react, you started to wiggle your fingers over his ribs, right where he was most ticklish.

It was easy to overpower him once you’d caught him unawares. Tackling him back to the floor, you straddled his hips, continuing your tickling onslaught. Billy tried to bat you away, but all it did was give you access to his armpits, merciless in your onslaught. After the night you’d had, it was a stress relief, battling it out like this, Billy laughing even as he tried to get you to stop.

You were about to let up and let him catch his breath when from nowhere he found purchase enough to flip you both over. Landing on your back with a soft oomph, Billy pinned your hands above your head. Both of you had tears in your eyes, but there was no sadness.

“You’re the worst. The actual worst,” Billy panted, smiling as he leaned down to plant a kiss on your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Billy released your hands but kept himself propped up over your body, watching you. The laughter faded away, only to be replaced by something far more adoring. “I meant it. What I said. There is nothing more I want than for you to move in with me. I want to see you every day. Want to be the first to see you dressed up to the nines, looking like the most beautiful person in the world. Want to see you when I come up to grab some lunch, and you’re dressed in the scruffiest, raggiest clothes while you work, looking like the most beautiful person in the world. Want to see you on Sunday mornings when you’re in sweatpants and a hoodie, with a little bit of ketchup on your lip from the bacon butty you had for breakfast-”

“That was one time!” You protested, laughing all the while.

“Well I still want to see whenever it happens again, and I want to be able to tell you how beautiful you are!” Billy countered with his own laugh. “Now shush. I’m trying to make a grand romantic speech!”

“Sorry, I’ll be quiet,” you giggled, raising a finger to your lips.

“Good!” Billy’s eyes were twinkling in the low light. “You’re the one I want I want to hold every night before I fall to sleep. The one I want to see every morning when I wake up. I want you to be the person I whine and bitch to, just like I want to be the person you whine and bitch to. I want to laugh and cry and rejoice with you. There’ll be times when we bicker over tiny things, sure, but I know we’ll always make it up. You’re not perfect, Y/N, and neither am I. But together we’re imperfectly perfect, and that’s what matters. I love you to the end of the world, and back, and nothing would make me happier than spending the rest of my days with you.”

“Almost sounds like a marriage proposal,” you said because it was the only thing you could even think of. No one had ever said anything like that to you before. Sure there’d been ‘I love you’s’, but never like that. Never someone saying they wanted to be with you forever, through the good and the bad.

“It is, I guess. Not really how I imagined it going though.”

“It was imperfectly perfect.”

Billy smiled as he nodded. “Yeah. Imperfectly perfect.”

You returned the smile, pulling him down for another kiss, trying to pour everything you felt into it because once again he’d left you speechless.

“I take it that’s a yes?”

“Yeah. Of course it is,” Your face was starting to ache from how wide you were grinning, but you couldn’t have stopped even if you’d wanted to. “My family are going to be pissed.”

“Eh, screw ‘em. They don’t deserve a say in your life.” Billy lay back as he spoke, drawing you into him once again. He was grinning just as much as you were as your legs tangled together, and your head landed on his chest.

It was the last way you’d expected the night to end. The knot in the pit of your stomach had gone, it felt now like you were lighter than air. You were getting married. To Billy. If you spent the rest of your life feeling half this good, then you’d be happy, you thought. It was all perfect.

The peacefulness was suddenly disrupted by a loud belch. Raising your head you looked at Billy in disbelief.

“Too much Fanta?” He suggested, not even looking ashamed.

You laughed, shaking your head as you placed it back on his chest.

Imperfectly perfect.

I hope you enjoyed, and if you have anything you’d like to see, my requests are still open!

[floppy999]

My reading list (bkdk fanfics)

Here it is!  

All these fics were updated or finished on december. (Not particular order)

Swap it out ( Not Rated )

''Good morning, Deku.'' Katsuki said happily with a sweet smile.''Fuck off, Kacchan.'' Izuku responded in a bored tone, not even looking at the blond when he sat down in the seat in front of him.The whole class held their breath.''Holy shit.'' Koji finally said. In which Kaminari has an idea, Todoroki likes to spend his father's money and Izuku and Katsuki are up for the challenge. 

Off Limits (Explicit)

When his second rut hit, Katsuki was tempted to start reconsidering Izuku being off limits. It wouldn’t be too weird, right? It’s not like they were hanging out together on their off days. While screaming into a pillow in a fit of frustration instead of rubbing himself raw, it seemed like a great idea.Once his rut started tapering off, he threw away the idea again. -Then the third rut hit, and Katsuki was officially over this bullshit. 

Cross Off (Explicit)

“But are you two really friends?”

That sharp sting hit Izuku in the gut again, but as he opened his mouth to respond, Todoroki walked past him, heading towards the exit. The dual-haired teen cocked his head to the side as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Just think about it, Midoriya. We aren’t here to tell you what to do, but we do hope that you will take our concerns under consideration, and try to convince Aizawa-sensei that his decision is not right for you.” Iida removed his hands from Izuku’s shoulders, and followed suit with Todoroki, casting a brief nod in Izuku’s direction.

Hummingbird Heartbeat ( Explicit )

“The knife went through his fucking chest, Kirishima.” Katsuki spat his name into his face, mouth twisting into a vicious snarl, teeth and all. “You know that's where his heart is, right? And his fucking lungs? All the vital shit?” Kirishima blanched. “I-I know, I just meant—” “What, you mean to tell me that your stupid fuckin’ ass is so ignorant to forget that he lost a shit ton of blood, hah?! Yeah, it was a flippin’ knife wound, oh hoo-ray, but look at the nerd now! He’s fucking dying because of it!” 

In A Sky Of A Million Stars (Who Cares If One More Light Goes Out?)  ( Mature)

He could never forgive himself.It was his fault.He’d planted the idea like a seed he’d never known would grow. (Or: What if Izuku jumped?)(OR: The one where Izuku jumps and lives and Katsuki visits him every day and Class 1-A not-so-secretly finds it adorable that their designated angry pomeranian brings flowers to his comatose childhood friend.) 

Bad at Love ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Class 1-A is put to the test in one of U.A.'s classes and tests where they face a faux-villain they can't seem to win against. During the two-day fighting, Bakugou noticeably becomes more and more shaken by the faux-villain. Midoriya wants to help him and to become his good friend once again. Bakugou knows there is more than friendship in his own head but wants to keep Midoriya close, if only to keep him safe. But with jealousy, friendships, and their dreams on the line, they have to get even closer to help the other.

The Roads Between ( Mature )

In a world with disappearing quirks, Izuku, a government employee, and the recently captured Lord Explosion Murder are forced to team up in order to stop a coup of Japan by the League of Villains. More than just their lives are on the line and teamwork is the name of the game, but how can two people so seemily different from eachother ever hope to accomplish such a task? 

Crimson Concrete  ( Mature )

Bakugou Katsuki was pretty sure he had this vampire shit down to a tee. All he had to do was stay away from the sunlight, avoid churches and not have any attachments to humans? That was literally how Katsuki had lived his life up until now- it was the exact same, except, he supposed, with higher stakes (ha, get it?)“Hey dude, does this mean you can’t eat garlic bread anymore?”Oh.OH NO.

The Space Between (Mature)

Holding his expensive camera tightly between his hands, Midoriya Izuku looked up at the once-white letters displayed on the black storefront banner. “The Hard Luck Bar,” he murmured to himself, unsure if he was getting ready to enter or flee.

Amateur photographer Midoriya Izuku is stuck in a rut and desperate for a change of pace. Deep in his city's grimy underbelly, he finds exactly what he's looking for in the form of an underground punk sensation on the verge of their big break, fronted by a foul-mouthed firework of a human being. Loud, brash and passionate, Izuku may have just found the creative spark he needed, as well as something new to set his soul ablaze.

Cinnamon Bun Bun ( Explicit )

In a world with humanoid creatures called "pets", Katsuki Bakugou finds himself suddenly the owner of a timid curly haired rabbit. How the fuck did that happen? Will the reluctant new owner and abandoned pet be the best thing for each other or will it end in disaster? Only the tags will ever know.Warm and fuzzy fluff pet AU with hints of angst and humor! *This story is mostly about fluff. Warning and "past" tags for a backstory chapter(s) almost exclusively. Will warn at the beginning of ANY chapter with ANY sensitive issues.*

Stay with me, Midoriya  ( Mature )

An alternate "conclusion" of the battle when Midoriya saves Kota during the Summer Camp attack. Or, Midoriya is badly hurt and Bakugo is the only one who heard the scream for help. 

Restless ( Mature )

Second year at UA was essentially the same as the first, though everyone had fucking been developing and growing or some such asinine shit. And Katsuki was still reigning supreme. Things were fine up until shitty Deku had to derail everything with his fucking.....fucking. This year was gonna be hell for Katsuki. 

Swarm (Explicit)

General Izuku Midoriya, a rare omega cherry bee and Second in Command to Chief All Might's army, is left to run and defend Brambleberry Hive. he never expects a swarm of vicious hornets, led by alpha general Katsuki Bakugo, to ambush them and take over the hive. Bakugo takes his place as Chief Alpha, making Izuku his prisoner and slave. But Izuku refuses to let Bakugo control him and fights the alpha every chance he gets. He will have his revenge on Bakugo and regain control of Bramberry....

my ex-man brought his new boyfriend  ( Mature )

izuku's desperate to get a date after being persuaded (forced, more like) to go for a family reunion back in his hometown, in which he will most definitely see his ex, todoroki shouto, with a date of his own.in a last attempt to find someone, izuku asks for help and ends up getting bakugou katsuki.

The Hunting Party ( Explicit )

Izuku had gotten himself into many messes over the years. He’d once got stuck in the back of a restaurant after hours because he’d been too shy to ask someone to let him out of the staff bathroom he’d locked himself into.

Painting Flowers ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Where Bakugo Katsuki works at his parents' flower shop and Midoriya Izuku is a hot regular that simply comes to sketch flowers all day long.

BNHA: Hybrid A/O/B Works ( Works:6) (Explicit / mature)

You ever fantasize about Wolf Bakugou chasing down a sweet rabbit? Or the wacky shenanigans of trying to figure out his pet's heat problems? This is the series for you, mate, and I'm always happy to provide your dosage of pure nsfw. (With too much plot)

Say you love me ( Mature )

Izuku is going through his very first break up and suffering the whiplash affects of it. He discovers he’s got a new neighbor and his name is Katsuki. They’re not the best of neighbors in the beginning but by the end of the story they will be. But basically Izuku and Katsiki end up falling in love but don’t necessarily know that they both feel the same way about one another because they’re both very slow in the feelings department when it comes to other people. But with the help of Bakugous best and only friend, Eijiro, and a lot of prolonged effort shit happens.

Lovebites ( Explicit )

Katsuki Bakugou was going to hate this summer.He thought he'd hate it because he was being forced to leave home and work for his mother's friend in a small, seaside town. He thought he'd hate it cause he was being punished for burning his room to a crisp. He thought he'd hate it because he hated change.But it turns out, he hated the Supernatural Turfwar between four species that shouldn't exist but do a whole lot more....Or The one where Katsuki is forced to move in with Inko for the summer and finds himself falling for a particular bloodsucker....

Album Title in Progress ( Explicit )

Izuku's singing makes Katsuki realize sex is Real™ and uses those feelings to make a bomb-ass(lol get it? cuz his quirk is...) album while also helping a self-doubting Izuku realize how fire his mixtape is.

A Chaotic Reunion ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Even as a villain, Izuku Midoriya's admiration for Bakugo Katsuki never faltered, even when his admiration for all the heroes in the world did. After leaving his home to join the league, Bakugo Katsuki remains his one true reason to keep going on in such a pointless life. He never expected to meet him again, especially not in this kind of situation.

The Hardships of love ( Explicit )

Katsuki has always known just exactly what he wants, that just so happens to involve a certain green-eyed boy. How will he cope when what is his suddenly goes away, only to return years later? A/O/B universe, Alpha Katsuki, Omega Izuku,

Soul Bonded ( Explicit )

Izuku Midoriya had always been told he was a beta. So why did he find himself sneaking into Kacchan's room and taking old shirts? Why did his sweaty gym clothes smell so good all of a sudden? A story in which Bakugou and Midoriya are definitely not mates, no matter what Recovery Girl and Midnight say. And they definitely, DEFINITELY don't have feelings. Nope.

Iridescent ( Mature )

After Katsuki learned Izuku’s secret about One For All, he said that things would be different from now on. The two of them learn how to stand on equal grounds and be proper rivals, and that gradually leads them to evolve into something more – or, rather, they start to realize what was there all along. Because what’s left after all the bitterness and misunderstandings are gone? Positive feelings. By the time they reach their third year, they can’t go a day without seeing each other. Eventually, they start pining over one another. Katsuki secretly works through his insecurities in order to accept his feelings for his childhood friend, but it goes haywire once he realizes that he doesn’t know how to apologize for the wrongs he has done.

Stygian Fire ( Mature )

Izuku's Quirk manifest at the tender age of five. It's strange that he would have a fire Quirk given what his mother's Quirk is, but he chalks it up to genetics on his father's side. A week later, there's a (familiar) stranger in the kitchen, and everything changes.

i packed up everything except those memories ( General Audiences )

For a long moment, they all stare at him, wide-eyed and shocked.And then Bakugou laughs and leans forward to press his mouth to Midoriya’s. “I fucking love you, ya damn nerd.”Midoriya reddens, but kisses back enthusiastically, and his lips curve into a dazed smile when Bakugou pulls away. (or, Bakugou works at a bar and Midoriya is the nerd that keeps him company.)

The Art of Indifference ( Not Rated )

Bakugou is used to being the center of attention- be it anger, confussion, or fear (mostly fear) everyone always gives him a reaction.Until all the sudden, Deku doesn't.  What a fucking asshole.

Wild Child ( Explicit )

Imagine Tarzan, but KatsuDeku,with wolves instead of gorillas,and with a lot more smut.

The Kiss ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Katsuki has feelings but refuses to admit it; Izuku has feelings but refuses to act on them. And just when they finally begin to understand each other, that fucks everything up. Or: What if Katsuki kissed Izuku at the end of their fight?

Full Disclosure ( Explicit )

Izuku had never wanted to protect anything as much as he wanted to protect the fire between them, even as it caught fire and consumed him. He'd gladly go up in flames if it meant getting to see Kacchan like this. Or The alternate outcome of the battle at Ground Beta and the relationship that changed because of it.

When lust prevails  ( Explicit )

Bakugou and Midoriya got into a heated argument which led to heated interactions; main pairing BakuDeku, side pairing KiriKamiEpilogue update featuring jealous Bakugou, confused Midoriya, pragmatic Todoroki, and class 1a eavesdropping the drama :DThis story is officially completed :)

Sheep in wolves clothing ( Mature )

Don’t go into the woods at night. It’s a self explanatory warning but apparently not even passing near them in a vehicle is 100% safe. Especially not when all the news stations are warning of an unknown threat. Unluckily for Izuku it’s the only route home

You Found Me Flinching In The Dark ( Mature )

Or, Izuku remained quirkless, he became a hollow depressed kid that lives his last few years of high school in a mental ward. (Updates once a month)

Go to Bed, Dumbass ( Mature )

"What the fuck are you doing here at two in the morning?" The blond male asked in a voice that was closer to a growl as he curled the weight he was holding."I could ask you the same question," Izuku replied with a small smile as he headed for the bench press.

Never Easy ( Mature )

Bakugou and Midoriya have known each other forever but as the years drug on their relationship became complicated and the boys found themselves barely knowing each other. Things seem dim on them ever really being friends again but when Midoriya is caught in an awkward situation by Bakugou, things start to change, and both males seem skeptical about getting their hopes up. This does not start out Mature, but will have Mature parts. I will warn you and you can skip them if you like.

Grief Counseling ( explicit)

A slowburn fic where Kacchan tries to convince Deku to take advantage of the grief counseling provided for free to heroes experiencing their first failed rescues. Lots of flirting. Healing their relationship comes first. The romantic bit where they fall helplessly and stupidly in love comes after.

"Streetcar Named Desire" ( Explicit )

If yesterday someone told Izuku that he, one of the most diligent students with the top academic ranking, would end up in Principal Aizawa’s office today, he wouldn’t have believed them. But lots things could change overnight. So here he was, slouching in the creaking chair in the reception in front of the principal’s office. [the story about how Deku and Kacchan ended up taking part in a school's play and went through high school shit and ended up in love]

Unseemly Beasts ( Teen And Up Audiences )

Dragons. Destructive beasts tearing through everything in their path and deadly to anyone who opposes them. Midoriya has never seen a dragon, never planned to, but now he needs the help of one. He just... didn't want to kill one. Not if he could help it.

Rivals with Benefits ( Explicit )

When Izuku gets drunk at a Class 1A Halloween party he accidentally outs himself. Then to make matters worse he confesses to Katsuki that he wants to be a little more than rivals.

2,645 Miles ( Explicit )

Izuku wants so badly to get to the other side of the country without his parents realizing he's missing. He just wants to find out who he is.Katsuki is desperate to make it to Los Angeles without being caught by the police, desperate to fix his mistakes.Neither know what to expect, but on a roadtrip across the U.S. involving four fugitives, two oblivious runaways, a high risk crime ring, and a police taskforce, the two will discover that there's more in store for them than what they originally thought.

Dragon's Mark ( Mature )

Katsuki Bakugou has been living on his own for many years, accompanied by a very annoying red dragon named Kirishima. They are the last of their kind, unknown to humans. At least, that was how it used to be until a shy boy by the name of Izuku Midoriya enters the picture.

Breaking Point ( Mature )

“Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” 

[heliantyr]

ALRIGHT!

Time for questions! I’m going to put 1-9 here plain and simple, and then the rest will be under the break just so that you don’t have to scroll to oblivion if you don’t want to see this! Let’s go!

1: Name

     My name is Jude, or Coreta if you wanna use my pen name! A few of you might also know me as Virchude since that’s my main blog!

2: Age

    I won’t tell you plainly, but I am still in high school.

3: City that you live in

     I’m just gonna tell you which state! I live in the lower peninsula of Michigan!

4: What do most people not know about you?

     I’m almost certain that none of you know this, but I am the youngest of  my dad’s (kinda) six kids.

5:  What do most people know you for?

     If we’re talking just here, I hope to all get out it’s my headcanons, but in real life it’s the fact that I get offended rather easily...

6: Hobbies!

     I do a lot of pointless writing (meaning I never finish anything)... I also draw a lot of random junk, I rad a shit ton of fanfiction, I sing/write songs a lot... uuhh and do nothing.

7: What are your passions?

     I have a very large passion for helping those around me who have suffered like I have mentally and emotionally. I also really like debating (more like arguing) with people about politics!

8: When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

     Just yesterday my mom, older sister, and I ended up accidentally sitting down in the living room and ranting about how shitty out lives are... so.......... yeah

9: have you collected anything? What is it?

     I have a small hat collection (that I hardly ever wear), and I’m beginning a plant collection! There is also a ever fluctuating collection of cups and bottles in my room T-T

10: List ten things off your bucket list (I may not remember half of these TvT)

*Take a trip back to Colorado with my friends

*Start a business

*Travel to at least 8 countries

*Go to Andorra

*Be known for some great feat

*Have one of my works (whether art or writing, etc) become famous or greatly known

*Meet one of my favorite actors/band members (doesn’t matter who)

*Learn to swim...............

*Make drastic strides towards saving the planet

*Meet more people from my dad’s side of the family

11: What was the last thing you learned?

     Seeing as I got out of world history an hour and a half ago, we learned about the Cold War and how the USSR fell apart because of silly putty

12: How many relationships have you been in?

     Counting the ones that didn’t mean shit, 4. Only counting the ones that actually meant something, 2.

13 + 14 I am not answering.

15: Favorite food

     Menudo. Fuckin love it

16: Favorite drink

     hm... either tea or ginger ale, but out of a shot glass TvT A TWO LETER OUT OF A SHOT GLASS

17: What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

     I went to NYC over my birthday weekend this year with my school’s choir, and our tour leader on my bus got me a pastry in Little Italy! It meant so much because I didn’t even know her! 

18: Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

     I’m usually pessimistic unless my friends are also being pessimistic, cuz then I’m frigin sunshine and rainbows!

19: Do you sleep during class?

     Not very often, and only if what I’m doing isn’t actually important.

20: What is the most expensive thing you own?

     If not my actual bed, my laptop, which is $200.

21: What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

     ..... I... Don’t know... uh I got a huge fukin thing of cocoa butter lotion at the dollar tree... and it’s kind of multi use?!?

22: How many time a day on average to you check your phone?

     .........don’t look at me like that.

23: Text or call?

     Text. I wanna call people, but what if they don’t pick up? Or it’s really awkward? or I can’t hear them? or vise versa? or-

24: Opinion on long distance?

     Sounds like torture. I honestly couldn’t do it.

25: What is your definition of success?

     Feeling satisfied or content with what you’ve done.

26: Favorite song?

     um. At the moment, Killer Queen by Queen.

27: Favorite artist?

     Music wise, Patrick Stump. Art wise, Van Gogh.

28: Celebrity crush/crushes?

     That’s a long list. But my main two recently have been Sebastian Stan and Tom Holland...

29: When was the last time you read for fun?

     Aside from fanfiction? Last Wednesday night I stayed up reading Shakespeare’s sonnets to myself...

30: Favorite flower?

     chrysanthemums!

31: What is the best gift you could receive right now?

     A confidence boost that lasted at least the rest of high school...

32: Any guilty pleasures?

     Day dreaming about random shit.... random weird shit about people I know...

33: What is one thing you’d like to change about yourself?

     Hm... I think I’d change my mental health. I just wanna be perfectly okay for once.

34: What do you search for in a friend?

     being able to understand me, relate to me, and be weird with me. Also mutual interests. And reasonable barriers.

35: How many times have I said “I love you” in the past month?

     You expect me you count???? A shit ton! Do you know how many times a day I have a family member leave the goddamn house????

36: Where dd you last go other than your room/home?

     School.

37: Why do good things happen to good people?

     Because that’s not how life works. Our society constantly has people suffering, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.

38: In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out, or being stabbed in the eye?

     Seeing as I’m just about used to the pain of being left out, I’d say being stabbed in the eye. I am such a wuss T-T

39: How many green shirts do you own?

     1. It’s a St. Patty’s day shirt.

40: Do you like anime?

     noooooooooooo.......... not at allllll.... TvT I’m tired!

41: What do you invest the most time in?

     Either videogames or fanfiction.

42: What is the name of the last book you read?

     The Hobbit (even though I haven’t finished yet)

43: What’s the difference between loving and liking someone?

     No clue... Still trying to figure that out.

44: Where are you most productive?

     My art classroom

45: List three things you enjoy doing with friends:

*Complaining about life

*being gay

*Pretend to kidnap one of them my dragging them around the floor during lunch

46: List three things you like to do alone:

*Listen to music

*Think

*Read

47: Do you think that world peace will ever exist?

     As long as there are living things on it? Never.

48: Do you have any allergies?

     Absolutely none! I knew this kid in the third grade who was allergic to nuts, milk, AND gluten!

49: When was the last time you cussed at someone?

     My friend and I got into an argument about who the best actors are during english....

50: What was the last promise you made?

     .......Is it bad that I don’t remember?

51: What was your last dream about?

     I had a hedgehog (which I really frikin want), and I was taking care of them, and hen this asshole in my grade was in my living room and I had to be nice to him.

52: If you won a trip to Hawaii and could take 5 people with you, who would they be? 

*My best friend Kiara

*My friend Raph

*My other friend Molly

*My other other friend Faith

*My dog

53: How many countries have you visited?

     1, if you count the fact that I live in one!

54: What is your favorite medium of art?

     Music. It moves me so easily.

55: When was the last time someone complimented you?

     My friend Laura jokingly complimented my hair during english (we were looking at old english compliments) and she winked at me TyT

56: If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?

     uh... hol up, wha? 

57: Do you consider yourself mature?

     At times, yes.

58: How many days in your life do you think you’ve wasted on tumblr?

     so frigin many, but there’s more to come!!!!

59: What is your favorite quote?

     “I was so good at sports when I was in high school, that I started a band.”

                                      -Patrick Stump

60:  If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?

*Be kind to all (see how that’s turned out???)

*Spend life learning. Try to find the lesson in your experiences.

*Mental growth is more important than anything

61: What is your greatest accomplishment?

     Being alive today.

62: Do you believe in the death penalty?

     No, not really.

63: What are your goals in life?

     To be a better person than my mother is, and to help others on a mental level.

64: What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

     I honestly have no clue... maybe something weird?

65:  If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.

     I would have to go with.......... oo that’s hard................... the bnha universe      T-T I want powers!

66: What were you like in 2013? 

     I was an awkward, abusive, shitty little child.

67: Do you have a job?

     Nope! I’m planning on possibly finding a part-time one soon, though!

68: Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

     His name was Parker, and he was a year older than me. He was my first friend other than my older sister, and I loved him so much. I don’t remember much, seeing as the last time I saw him I was five... It was early fall, just when the leaves start to fall. We had one of those trees in my front year that dropped the seed thingies that twirled around. Parker and I would always toss so many of those in the air until out hands got cold... I really miss him.

69: If you could change one thing in society, what would it be?

     I would get rid of corrupt governments and people in positions of power.

70: How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

     Never have I pulled one for school, but I find myself staying up til the crack of dawn the day before school starts, usually. Or on nights when I can’t but help contemplate everything to the point of not being able to sleep at all.

71: Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is it?

     Tumblr is one of my favorites, but Ao3 has my ass.

72: What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

     Nothing. I tend to be very hard to bribe. But if I reaaallly needed the money, I wouldn’t be able to kill someone, I’ll tell you that.

73: Does money equal happiness?

     It can for some people, but not for all.

74: How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

     I don’t know, a few? I’m never truly happy until my thoughts leave me alone. 

75: How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

     More than happy, I can tell you that.

76: What’s the funniest joke you have ever been told?

     My generation is going to save the planet.

77: When was the last time you looked at the news?

     We actually watched a news clip during history today!

78: If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?

     Stop being a dick!

79: What is your favorite animal?

     A hedgehog!! 

80: If you could earn a million dollars for pretending to be dead for three years, would you do it?

     NO! I have people who would miss my sorry ass, then murder me for coming back!

81: What is one thing everyone is bad at?

     Having a lot of friends. A lot of the time (in my personal experience), the more friends you have, the less time you can spend with them, and the less close you are, until eventually you can’t keep dividing your time!

82: What time do you normally sleep? How many hours do you usually get? 

     uuuhh... yes, and not enough!

83: Does age necessarily equal maturity?

     No, but that does not excuse digusting things like p*****ilia.

84: What is your favorite clothing store? 

     ....The Hot Topical.

85: In the winter- beanies or gloves?

     why not both?!?!?!?

86: Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

     Wings. I can’t swim, and I panic underwater.

87: If you had the power to erase someone from the world so that nobody remembered them but you, would you do it?

     That depends, does it fuck up history? Cuz in that case, no!

88: What do you fear the most?

     Being abandoned by everyone.

89: How many digits of pi can you recite?

     3...

90: If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, what year would it be?

     2015, so I could leave a better version of my for my friends that I leave at the end of the year,

91: Describe yourself in one word.

     Invasive

92: Describe your last victory.

     I had a conversation with that asshole from my dream without arguing with him.

93: What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?

     SO! This one time towards the end of the school day in the seventh grade. This one kid (let’s call him V) was sitting next to his friend (C). I look over as I go to shoulder my bag, and V is running his hand down C’s thigh. V catches me looking, and goes “WHAT?! he did it first!” like that made it better! (and it kinda did because that’s still one of my best stories!)

94: What is something you will never forget?

     Something traumatic

95: Would you rather forget all of the past, or remember everything in vivid detail?

     Vivid detail. Then maybe I could win arguments with my sister!

96: Have you ever broken a bone before?

     yeah... I fractured the growth plate in my foot in the sixth grade... by walking.....

97: Is it harder love someone, or hate someone?

     love is so hard....

98: Coffee or tea?

I drink both, but tea ftw!

99: What are some little things you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

     I have become more friendly with my dog, and he actually likes me now!

100: How many hours do spend on tumblr a day?

     quite a fukin few....

[farfanfiction]

Loyalty to the Pack: Part 3

Pairing: John Seed x Joseph Seed x Reader x Jacob Seed

AUs: Omegaverse, werewolves

Warnings: Cursing, angst, little bit of fluff, mentions of cheating (kinda), mentions of depression and anxiety, big fucking self-hate warning, mentions of sex, mentions of blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts

Word Count: 4,046

A/N: Thank you guys for getting me past 10 followers! I’m very, very grateful to each and every one of you! For all of you who have read Far Cry: Absolution (highly recommended), Holly isn’t an utter bitch in the book like she’s portrayed here, this is mainly because I needed a character everyone can absolutely despise. And also for competition of sorts. I just wanna admit something. This series is very special to me, it’s my best series by far and it’s inspired by my life in some way. The self-hate, depression, and anxiety are deprived from my real-world experiences, and writing and playing video games, in general, help me release all those emotions. The message this story is trying to get across is, no matter what, do what makes you happy. No one is in charge of what you are or how you're gonna live your life, you decide that. Give me some feedback on what I could do better or what I did alright, where you wanna see this whole mess go, or something you just don’t understand. The gif is not mine. 

Masterpost   My Omegaverse Rules

   You gave him a look as he finished his little speech. You wish he wasn't serious, but this was John you were talking about. Even though he said it in a joking manner, he wasn’t joking. His rules were all too real and demanding. He simply smirked at your frustration. You knew you had to calm down, he just enjoyed your reactions. You denied him this simple pleasure by gripping your wrinkled dress and tried to muster up a friendly smile.

   “Since we’re both on the same level, why don’t we get you settled.” He stated, reaching into the back pocket of his dark jeans. He pulled out a small, black radio and talked into it in a low voice. Quiet enough so you wouldn’t hear.

   With a silent mumble, you turned to the side and whispered, “I’ll get you fucking settled.” You scrunch your nose in disapproval when the Alpha heard you. Putting his large hand on the speaker and leaning over to look at you with his menacing blue eyes.

   “What was that Omega?” he crooned in a sickly sweet voice. He knew exactly what you said. He was just trying to test his control over you, well not today buddy. You turned around and said nothing. He simply stared you down and then went back to his conversation on the radio. The person on the other side seemed pissed. Clearly yelling, but not loud enough for you to hear it.

   After a few more minutes of yelling between the Alpha and the person on the other line, the garage door swung open. A young woman with long brown hair stepped into the fluorescent lights. Her scent immediately hit you. Beta. She was a Beta with a scent as boring as any other Beta in Eden’s Gate. Omegas and Alpha usually smelled exciting, but Betas barely had a scent. This Beta had that scent, yes, but she had an undertone of something strictly Omega. It didn’t feel like a natural smell, more artificial than anything. This woman was definitely trying to be something she wasn’t.

   She gave a wink John a wink when she noticed him. Then proceeding to saunter over to him, her tight fitting dress swaying with each step. It was as if you weren’t there at all.

   He gave her a small smirk, different than the one he gives you. More lustful than anything else. His bright blue eyes were full of want for this Beta. Something that shouldn’t occur to werewolves unless there wasn’t enough Omegas around. There was something definitely going on here.

   “This is Holly. She’ll show you around the Ranch.” He stated, not turning his attention to you. He continued to stare at ‘Holly’. You turned to look at her, a look of distaste on your face. Your (e/c) eyes showing pure and utter hate for this Beta even though you just met her three minutes ago.

   You walked to the door and waited for her to come. She blew John a small kiss and John just smiled. Pure happiness coating his face. He combed his brown hair back and watched as Holly finally led you out of the garage. She didn’t look back at you as she walked like she wanted to forget that you were even there. You guess in some way, you couldn’t blame the Beta. Her and John clearly had something going on between them. Far more than a short fling. 

   She said nothing as she led you into the main house. It was as big as the outside. Antler chandeliers hung from the ceiling and animal furs and statues decorated the floors and walls. The furniture looked rather expensive with its shiny leather finish. Come to think of it, everything looked expensive. What made the Ranch appear as if it was apart of Eden’s Gate was not only the ridiculous amount of heavily armed guards outside but the Book of Joseph displayed on a nearby shelf with the ability to be viewed from almost every angle. Its pristine white and gold cover shinned in the sunlight. as if it was from Heaven itself.

   This was true, God did command Joseph to write the book. So, it did come directly from Heaven in a way. You believed in this, in Joseph, in God. The only two things you really believed in at the moment. The Father buried these beliefs in your heart and made it so the only thing you knew about was the Father, God, and the Great Collapse. Even if you wanted to believe in anything else, you couldn’t.

   The book itself drew you in as if by some kind of force. You reached up onto the shelf and grabbed the book with delicate hands. The very feel sending shivers down your spine and settling in your very bones. It felt smooth under your fingertips as you traced the cross of the church. Its shape like a burst of golden light. The light of a true prophet.

   When you put down the book, you notice a picture frame next to it. It held a photo of the Seed brothers, younger looking then they do now. John stood to one side of Joseph. His brown hair was wild and untamed as it fell over his blown pupils. He wore a droopy smile on his face as he stared at the camera. What made him look odd was the fact the Alpha was wearing an expensive looking suit, pristinely clean and ironed and his beard was completely gone.

   Joseph stood next to him, his brown hair falling onto his shoulders. His beard was long and messy, clearly needing a trim. His clothes were battered and worn, unlike his typical attire. Despite all that, he still wore a soft smile on his face and his deep blue smiled along with him.

   Jacob was the worst looking out of all of them. His hair and beard were an absolute mess. Clumps of red were tangled so much it didn’t even look like hair. His clothes were worse than Joseph’s. All bloody and utterly destroyed. But, just like his brothers, a small smile was present on his pale, blotchy red face.

   They all seemed so happy, despite looking so… so miserable. You had heard the stories of Joseph looking for his brothers...fuck, everyone apart of the pack knew the tale well. This was probably taken when they all found each other. The amount of happiness, joy, and love they must have felt that day seemed to be out of this world. A feeling that couldn’t possibly be yours with the situation you found yourself in.

   A loud cough interrupted your staring. You turned around to see the Beta looking at you with what you could only describe as a bitch face. Holly’s pretty face was scrunched up as she stared you down for wasting her precious time. “You know I don’t have to do this. John didn’t just ask me to help you, I did it out of the kindness of my heart. So, let’s not waste that kindness and leave.” She harshly whispered. You just hoped either God or John heard her. Maybe if you were lucky, both of them.

   ‘The kindness of her heart’ sounded forced. As if she was trying to score brownies points with John. To you, she was trying too hard. This Beta clearly had him wrapped around her little finger. He seemed desperate to please her and vice versa. You just hoped when you had your first heat, something John thought you already had, he wouldn’t deal with Holly. A wish that couldn’t possibly happen. If pups weren’t involved, why be tied down by an over emotional and needy Omega? Betas were a good enough fuck when you were in a rut.

   You simply nodded at her statement, not wanting to stir the pot more. She gave an annoyed sigh and led you to the stairs. You watched as she climbed the steps, the temptation of making her have an accident higher than it’s ever been in your life. Just being an Omega would restrain you from wanting to kill anything, but clearly, that half of you wanted that as much as the rest of you.

   You simply bit your lip in frustration and followed her onto the porch. You stopped for a minute and took in the view. The plants and flowers looked far better from up here, minus the men with guns walking around. Not wanting to be scolded again, you quickly got behind her. Holly soon stopped in front of a pair of large double-doors. She opened one door and practically pushed you inside. You let out a small howl and the faint smell of distressed Omega wafted off of you in light waves.

   To end this shitty tour, the Beta proceeded to slam the door, living you alone with your thoughts. You looked at your bedroom and gave a long, heavy sigh. It was small with a double bed, dresser, closet, and a couch. A small bookshelf was pushed into a corner as well, the only book on it was the Book of Joseph and a journal about werewolf behavior. Not a lot of thought and care went into this, just haphazardly put together. It was as if no one gave a damn, which was probably true.

   You flopped onto the bed with the haphazardly placed sheets and buried your head in a pillow. A whimper fell past your lips as you wished for your mother. Someone to at least comfort you as you made this hard transition. Soon the whimpers turned into sobs and sobs into full-blown wailing. Snot running down your (s/c) face and onto the white sheets. The salty tears mixed with the snot and you honestly didn’t care. The crying continued for hours. Your mind switching from one problem to the next until nothing was left but sadness and the want to leave. In a last attempt to clean up, you brought your white lace sleeves to your face and whipped away the snot and tears. There was no point in keeping it clean, it was going into the trash after this.

   You fell asleep soon after, dreaming of something far better than this. An Alpha that genuinely wanted to be mated to you, pups that could actually exist with a different person, and a whole new look on life if this one didn’t end up so shity.

   You woke up the next morning as miserable as the last. Not ready to get out of bed and join society as a fellow wolf and member of Eden’s Gate. You looked out the window, noting the sun slowly peeking its way above the horizon. Your stomach gave a small growl at the lack of food. You hadn’t eaten anything both from the nerves of getting baptized and the gut-wrenching news of being John’s Omega. There wasn’t much room for an appetite.

   Deciding to make breakfast for yourself and John, like the kind person you were, you got up and headed downstairs. This is where your lack of direction kicked in. That bitch Holly only showed you where your room was. So, finding the kitchen would take forever. You headed outside, still in your dirty dress and stopped a passing wolf. “Hey!” You called out to him. The Beta turned to look at you, confusion taking over his face. He gave you a look and then lifted a finger to point at himself.

   “M-me?” He called out, a slight stutter to his voice. You gave a nod and he trotted over. Tripping as he walked. This guy definitely wasn’t trained by Jacob.

   “Do you know where the kitchen is?” You asked, not missing a beat. He nodded and gently took hold of your smaller hand. He held it like glass as he walked you back inside the Ranch. The Beta led you to the double doors near the living room. He opened them and there appeared a large kitchen. Far larger than someone like Jonathan Seed needed.

   Without further hesitation, you got started on making the food. Making fresh squeezed orange juice, homemade pancakes and a side of fruit and sausages. You put it all on a little tray for him and headed upstairs, just hoping his office or bedroom was near yours. You wandered onto the balcony and peeked around every corner just to find this son of a bitch. Finally, you found it. The French doors kinda gave it away. You gave a small knock to the wood. Your anxiety now taking control. Your mind was asking you if this was a good idea, if he would actually appreciate it, or if he even wanted to look at your ugly mug.

   Your chest began to tighten and black spots filled your vision when John didn’t answer. Maybe he wasn’t in there? Was he out working? These questions began to combine inside your anxiety filled mind, making a cocktail of negative feelings and outlooks. You held your breath and you knocked again, a little harder this time. A muffled “come in,” sounded through the door and banging was heard before the French doors flew open.

John peeked his head out of the room and stared at the tray. His hair was a mess and sweat dripped down his forehead. It was as if he ran a mile, ragged breaths escaped him as he tried to get a word out. He looked down at the tray and frowned. “Thanks for the breakfast, but I already ate.” He licked his plump lips somewhat seductively as he stared back in the room. A figure flew behind him and onto his bed.

   “I would leave now. There’s nothing else for you to do for me.” He stated before polity slamming the door in your face. You gawked at the wood before pure anger took over. You whispered every curse in the book as you walked down the stairs and out the back door to the backyard. You walked to the edge of the yard and threw the tray out the side of the mountain hill. You waited for the sound of expensive china to shatter before you headed back in.

   Holly was definitely in there with him. Getting her grubby Beta hands on your Alpha! Wait, your Alpha? John hadn’t even mated you yet, he was still up for grabs. 

   This is probably how envy felt, a sin that felt so right, but so wrong. The feeling of jealousy was a strong one with its emotions and the want for what Holly had. Something she didn’t need.

   You muttered more curses as you walked to your room. You slammed the door, just praying its wood would splinter and John would have to pay to fix it. You flopped onto your bed and stared at the wood ceiling. 

   The untamed envy from before made its way back like a snake in the garden. Slithering through the tall grass before it strikes, bringing forth a wave of emotions, each more intense and painful than the last. Sadness and anxiety was the most potent. Making your chest heavier with each passing breath like it had moments before.

   John… He caused this. Made your anxiety worse with his cocky, yet sexy attitude. He mislead you into believing you were safe with him. That you were going to be an actual mate to him, come time for your first heat. If an Alpha wasn’t during that time, you would be either terribly injured or dead. Heats were painful, fall more painful without a mate.

   The pain in your chest got worse as you tried to suck in breath after breath. Each bone only giving a little oxygen. Tears dripped down your (s/c) face from the mere pain and sadness of not being with your Alpha. What scared you the most wasn’t the anxiety attack, but the fact that John was innocent in your eyes, no matter how much he hurt you in the past two days.

   The pain continued on for what seemed like forever. The scent of an Omega in pain wafted off you so much, it felt like it was dripping onto your skin and soaking your dress. For how long the attack went on, John didn’t show up. Probably too busy with Holly to care.

   You soon fell asleep, completely exhausted from your cry fest. You slept for so long, that it was about two in the morning when you woke up again. The sun was long gone and the number of armed guards was beginning to build back up for the tonight’s watch.

   You changed into a more comfortable outfit and whipped away any evidence of crying. You made your way downstairs to see John in the living room. Holly was nowhere in sight, thank the Father. “Well well, look who’s up finally awake,” John stated, not even looking in your direction. He was too busy buttoning his shirt to notice you. As he buttoned, you could clearly see fresh scratches running down his chest. Some of them dripped with a little bit of blood.

   Not wanting him to stain his shirt and hear his complaining, you walked to the kitchen and grabbed a towel, wetting it at the sink. You walked back and grabbed his hand before he could button it all the way. You began to dap his chest with the wet towel. It was firm and it seemed like he exercised with how much muscle was under his tan skin. He clearly looked like a twig that even you could snap when you first saw him

   The Alpha just looked at you as your Omega instincts took over, caring for a member of your pack. Even if he was a jackass. “I never expected for this kind of thing to happen with you. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining.” You gave him a glare but continued to tab at the blood. When he was clean, you threw the bloodied towel away and began to head upstairs.

   “Wait, (Y/N)...” You turned around, a surprised look on your face when he said your name. You didn’t even know John knew your name. Your family was made up of typical members of Eden’s Gate. Working under the Father, God, and the Heralds. Attending sermons and most importantly, preparing the bunkers for the Great Collapse. The Great Collapse was something that wasn’t taken lightly in the Project at Eden’s Gate. The people of Hope County said you were crazy but did Joseph care? No, of course not. It was him and his flock’s business when it came to surviving the end of the world as God has planned. They would be saved later.

   The only person who was expected to know everyone who was apart of the project was Joseph. To have John figure out your name was special in an awkward sort of way. “What?” You whispered. You turned to look at him, your (e/c) eyes heavy with dark circles.

   “Thank you.” You simply gave a nod and then proceeded to walk up the stairs. Wait, there was one last thing you needed to know. Where was he going?

   “Where are you going anyway?” Where would he even be going this late other than a sermon?

   “Joseph’s having a late night service for some… select children.” His was hesitant about the word children. He definitely knew something you didn’t and he was not going to tell anytime soon.

   “Ok…” The room became quiet when you had nothing else to see. You simply watched as John headed out the door to his garage. He then drove off, giving a wave as he went down the long driveway. You gave a wave from the window and headed back to bed, just praying everything was ok. 

   It wasn’t, everything was far from ok. There was a hefty amount of commotion coming from outside when you woke up. You walked to the window to see patrols coming in trucks, wave after wave of gun-toting men and women. Some even in wolf form, stalking the perimeter. They appeared to be looking for something or someone, whoever they were.

   The faint sound of heavy footsteps could be heard outside your door, getting louder as the person got closer. Suddenly, your door was thrown open and John ran in, out of breath.

   “The Father was almost arrested. The sinners are on the run, but I need you to stay here while I go find them by plane.” Wait, the Father was almost taken? That means everything was true. The Devil, Hell, a Whitehorse, and most importantly the Great Collapse. The Collapse has begun.

   “Wait, wait, Alpha don’t go.” John stopped at the word Alpha. You mentally slapped yourself from being so stupid. The Omega inside you was fearful for her Alpha, even though he wasn’t hers. He wasn’t yours. He can’t be, he had that Beta, Holly.

    He stepped towards you, his Alpha ready to comfort this Omega. He had an urge to protect his mate even if she wasn’t his yet. “Omega…” He breathed out, soft yet firm. To show you he was in charge of this situation. He gently grabbed your cheeks and leaned in. He touched his forehead with yours and there was an instant connection. You could feel his thoughts, his emotions as they raced through his head. One of them was so strong you could feel it swelling at the bottom of your gut. Fear. The great John Seed, the Baptist, the Inquisitor of Eden’s Gate, feared for his flock’s safety, his brothers’ safety, his sister’s and most importantly, yours. He feared for you, he actually liked you in some way.

   You two felt such comfort as you both shared your fears with each other. The Alpha slowly pulled away until your lips were just centimeters from each other. You slowly leaned in, not sure what you were doing. You barely knew this man for three days and you were already trying to kiss him. John flinched just a bit and pulled away. A squeezing sensation formed in your chest from the rejection.

   “Be safe, Omega,” John whispered, his blue eyes staring intensely into yours. Before you could say anything, he was gone and the faint sound of a plane engine filled the dark sky.

[trickeymickey-blog1]

Life Chronicles 1: Shitty Beginnings

While writing a diary of my daily adventures to help write my feelings over just eating them, I will also be writing down the “history” of my life. This is to not only to be therapeutic for myself (no insurance for therapy right now) but I also want others who have gone/are going through similar things I went through to know they aren’t alone. For so many years, I always knew my family was “wrong” but they always made me feel like I was crazy. That I was always the problem and why the family had such a shitty deal. I never knew that my parents and dad’s side of the family had a name. Narcissists. I’m so thankful I have opened my eyes to the truth about my life, but I just need to sort out my past in order to make my future as bright as possible. I promise, as crazy as some of this shit sounds, it is 100% real, I really went through it. Please come along with me.

Trigger Warnings: Rape, thoughts of Abortion, lots of cursing, shitty parents, religious upbringing

.Shitty Beginnings.

My “father” (I hate calling him that) and my mother were truly a match made in hell.

To give some backstory of my parents that may explain how the seeds of narcissism was planted, I will start when they were children and into their early adulthood. My dad was born of a “14 year old prostitute” (his description, not mine) in the 70s and was put up for adoption shortly after birth. My....I honestly don’t know what to call them, they were technically my grandparents but they aren’t biologically related to me. Eh, still, I’ll call them Nana and Grandpa (for now). Anyway, they adopted my dad when he was an infant, this was the second child they had adopted into their family. In total they had three children, 1 biological and 2 adopted. The oldest was the first adopted child, next was my dad, and the youngest was their biological child. (fucking of course he is the middle child, now he can blame his actions on being the middle child!! *sarcasm*) My grandparents were a very religious family and raised my dad and two aunts with a very stern hand. Attending catholic school, church almost every other day, and anything that would give them an ego boost involving the church congregation. My dad revealed in it. So much so that my dad grew up and wanted to become a priest. He went to attend college to become one but his new found alcoholism made it much more difficult to obtain. I’m still not sure if ever passed everything to become a priest but I know he was pretending to be one up until meeting my mother...but we will put that on hold for now. On to my mother....

My mother was born in the mid 60s to two wonderful people (you’ll learn quickly that though my mother turned into a monster late in life, I truly loved her side of the family). She was also technically a middle child, my Memaw and Grandpa had seven children total but only four survived into adult hood. Two were twins of my mother and (I believe) my uncle that didn’t survive. So my mother and uncle should have a twin but they do not. And my uncle Z was killed when he was about 4 or 5. He was killed when he was run over by semi truck right outside of my grandparents home. I think he had wondered into the street and was only spotted when it was too late, it’s something my family never talks about but I know it was probably the most painful thing for my grandparents to go through. When my mother grew a little bit older, this is only something she told me a few years ago, she was raped by a neighborhood boy. I don’t know what became of the boy or whether it’s even the truth (I promise I will explain what I mean when we get to that part of the story) but if it IS the truth, it would explain her sudden weight gain and why she felt she didn’t deserve a good man in life. After high school however, she did finally lose the weight and began looking for work.

Here’s where the stories start to tangle together.

My dad was 21 and my mom was 27. Both worked together at a psych ward (ironic right?) but never actually dated or became a couple.According to my mother, they were “fuck buddies” before the term was created. This was in the early 90s, so it was a very different time than it is today. Being fuck buddies wasn’t really something you would commonly find back then, you were either dating, courting, or married. Case Closed. On top of that, both of my parents came from religious homes, my dad’s being more devout than my mother’s. Both were born and raised Catholic. My dad’s family lived in the country side and my mom’s family lived in the city. We lived in a small town so back then there really was a difference between living in the country vs the city. Essentially, my dad’s family thought my mother’s family was trash. Why? Because they lived in the city. Yes, that’s it. My dad’s family always thought they were holier than thou when it came to how other people’s living style compared to theirs. If you didn’t meet their standards, you were trash. They would associate with you in public to show how “humble” and “friendly” they were, but would talk so much shit about you behind your back.

As you already may have guessed, Catholics don’t believe in using protection when having sex; especially not back then. And as I said, my parents were fuck buddies, not a couple in a loving relationship, but two people who were together and just fucked each other on the weekends. They never dated. Never said “I love you”, just fucked. Then, they fucked UP.

Yep, she got pregnant. Unmarried and pregnant.

Abortion would never have been an option for my mother. (there literally was a sign condemning it right outside of the church we/I grew up in). So her only option was to marry the idiot she got knocked up by and deal with her mistake. But here is where the lies begin. Yes, lies already have happened before the couple is married or the baby is born. They have two different marriage licenses. Yes, two.

They tried to claim that they had a fake wedding and a real wedding but none of the math adds up. Their “fake” wedding was in May the year before I was born and is when they got married in the church in front of the family. But their “real” wedding was done a MONTH before I was born. Fucking what? Why would then need another wedding if they already got married? Tell me where this makes sense. Because either way you slice it, they are lying about something. Because they also claim she wasn’t pregnant when they got married. Yes, she really tried to pull that bullshit with me. EIther date on the marriage license would mean she was pregnant with me. I just don’t know the truth with this. I’ve stopped trying to figure it out but have accepted that I was an accident and my mother was forced into marriage.

And boy, they definitely never let me forget I was an accident.

That is all I better write for now, the next chapter will be about me being born and telling how my early life was like being born to parents who didn’t really want me and didn’t even really want each other.

It’s gonna be one crazy and fucked up ride, buckle up.

[kcwiarchive]

“Let me take care of you.” (reid to rory ahem)

sorry ok ik it’s choppy and just let me live 

if he were coherent enough to process, he’d realize he was meant to be home hours ago. he’s got two days back home until he hops back onto another plane and when he hit the california sun earlier today, the thought of leaving and so soon made him sick to his stomach.

or maybe it’s the alcohol.

usually, during better times he’d wait out the couple days in a hotel and spend the time exploring another city. he’d find some way to entertain himself and fill that burning desire to move and see and experience, expend every ounce of energy he has until he’s completely out. it takes form in adventures and bottles, his self-serving attempts to keep his life as interesting as he dreams it. but after spending the last week dragging himself  to shows with bleeding fingernails he thinks, if he doesn’t get a break, he’s seriously going to fucking off himself.

it sounds like the preferable option now because that slick metallic taste is coating his tongue and the sticky, humid air does nothing to refresh him. he’s just so hot, is the thing, and the curb isn’t necessarily the best place to stop but he’s tired and mostly directionless –– reid’s probably sleeping anyways, and well, rory’s done worse than knocking out on a patch of grass. so he sits on the edge of the curb, stretching out his legs and realizing the bottle in his hand isn’t completely empty. maybe the night’s not so shitty after all.

and then reid’s voice, one that makes his heart soften even if his shoulders slump. maybe he spoke too soon.

“ rory? rory. ” even when reid shuffles forward, rory avoids eye contact, humming as he brings the bottle up to his mouth and pretends to observe something in the sky.

“ mmm. ”

“ what are you doing out here? you said you were coming hours ago and you stopped answering your phone and… ” he can feel reid’s eyes on him, observing to assess the situation. “… you’re drunk. ”

“ ’m always fucking drunk, reid. ” it’s more exasperated than it should be, especially considering rory’s been away for quite some time. typically he’s warm and ecstatic to see reid but right now his eyes are glassy, distracted –– something’s on his mind, even if he’s too wasted to process it right now. reid, however, sees it more clearly than rory does, frowning in a way that’s so familiar it’s almost comforting.

“ what’s wrong? ” it doesn’t come close to matching rory’s tone, the way reid speaks to him like there isn’t anything more important. which is stupid, probably, because rory’s spent a lot of time the last couple of days wondering how long it’ll be before things expire and reid realizes he’s too good to spend his time mopping up rory’s messes. it’s selfish to carry on – even now is a perfect example – but reid doesn’t disappoint, just comes closer and crouches until they’re almost eye level and rory has to look because even when he’s trashed and sad, he can’t help himself.

“ you’re too pretty for your own good, ” his voice is softer now with that usual edge of affection, but it’s empty. mindless. genuine, but absent. reid touches his face and he can’t help but lean into it, eyes flickering away. “ ‘m fine. just drank a lot, you know. ”

“ i can see that. ” it makes rory pull himself back, put space between them so he can finish whatever’s left in the bottle and toss it onto the grass. bad decision. he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, eyebrows pulling into a frown because that doesn’t help the nausea whatsoever. the way he gets up is abrupt enough to have reid stumbling back, but he figures it’s better than the alternative because he’s most definitely going to puke and he’d really rather not do it on his boyfriend.

it’s only then he realizes that they’re actually just on the grass outside of his building and he sincerely hopes none of his neighbours are watching ( although he’s sure they are and he’s also sure they wouldn’t be surprised ). the worry dissolves in an instant when he puts a hand up flat against the brick wall and throws up onto the pavement. at least he feels better now – not necessarily sober, but the churning in the pit of his stomach is gone. reid’s hands find his back and as comforting as it is, it only proves to feed his anxieties in the end. surely someone has to get sick of this eventually, don’t they? and rory’s spent too long trying to figure out how to keep himself in check to no avail – he always ends up like this, hunched over and staring at the pavement.

“ you okay? let’s go inside – you’ll feel better then. ” rory shrugs reid’s hands away though he doesn’t move, head hanging and face down.

“ i’m fine, i said. just leave it. ”

“ rory, c’mon. let me take care of you. ”

god. the idea should sound nice but it doesn’t, it just makes him feel even more pathetic than he looks, like a college student at their first kegger. it only irritates rory, pours water on those planted seeds.

“ i said leave it. i don’t need you to take care of me, alright? i figured it out before you and i can figure it out now, so just leave it the fuck alone. ” for a moment he considers just staying, caving and taking a shower and forgetting about it because that’d be easier. but this is precisely his problem: once something starts it’s hard for him to stop, and now he’s fixated and upset and he can’t. there’s a part of him though that regrets the words as soon as they come out and he finds the proximity unbearable, to sort his emotions and verbalize them, especially in his current state. what he does know is the anger he’s feeling is mostly directed at himself for being like this in the first place; he’s not sure why he doesn’t know better by now. there’s an exhausted sigh and the shake of his head as he pulls himself up straight again, using the collar of his shirt to wipe his mouth this time and looking anywhere but at reid.“ ‘m gonna go, i’ll call. ” that’s it –– no explanation or specified time because, quite frankly, he’s not sure when the mood will pass or if it’ll pass at all. with heavy feet he shuffles away, slow at first but then quickly, like if he doesn’t go fast enough he’ll change his mind.

yeah, he’s going to regret that later.

[esseastri]

1, 2, 5, and 9 for... Ro, Aliena, Tieran, and Nyeni, and for one hero you haven't talked about as much, though which is up to you.

yeesssss all my favorite OCs aaaaahhhh (she says as if they aren’t ALL her favorite ocs….)  I think I’m going to go with one of the Wardens for the last one….maybe Bal? Get some dwarfiness going on in here. :D

oh, dear god, this got so long. I’m not sorry, because I love all of these nerds sooo much, but. Yeah, this is. very long.

1. When was the moment your character first felt something for their love interest?

Ro: I think that first night in camp on the way to Lothering, when she wakes up from her first Archdemon nightmare, and Alistair is already awake, watching over her, because he knew this was coming. And he comforts her despite the fact that they barely know each other, and yeah, part of it is “okay, we’re both Wardens, this is just a thing that happens,” but part of it is…he sees someone else is hurting and he’s willing to sacrifice his own comfort to make sure she’s okay. It’s the first time she’s felt safe since her family was murdered, and it all spirals from there.

Aliena: “Well, Lucky, since the information you gave me was worth nothing…that’s what I’ll pay you,” And she fell in love INSTANTLY. 

Tieran: Probably sometime during the trek from Haven to Skyhold. I have this notion that Dorian is the sort of person to whine constantly about the cold even while he actively lights fires, passes out blankets, uses his magic to keep himself and other people warm. Tieran would be eternally amused by the whining, since it’s what he wants to do but can’t since he has to set a good example as a strong leader, but he’d also see the kindness Dorian dishes out with the snarky comments, and that combo of…prickly exterior with warm, soft, kind interior is what would get him to move from the Friendship Forged in the Hellfire of the Future to something more like….ah, yes, I love this man. oh shit, I love this man?? 

Nyeni, canon: She gets an inkling during that conversation with Cassandra that starts with, “I don’t actually know much about you”–because that’s the first time anyone in the Inquisition asked her about who she IS as opposed to who they want her to be. She 100% does not realize how intensely and dramatically in love she is until they’re in the In Hushed Whispers future and Cassandra dies, and Nyeni freaks the fuck out. Because she can’t comprehend a world in which Cassandra is not alive and not with her, and that’s the moment where she realizes how very dear to her Cass is. And it’s overwhelming and she retreats hardcore for a long time and pretends to be chill by not speaking to Cass and getting flustered and it’s adorable and hilarious.

Nyeni, non-canon: I think that Nyeni falls in love with Kepi gradually. I think she’s deep in the middle of it before she really knows what’s happening. It’s all the little things–how much Kepi cares for those around her, how brave she is charging into battle, how strong she is surviving on her own or standing as the leader of the Inquisition, how kind she is. That all sort of piles up in the corners of Nyeni’s heart until one day they’re out in the Hinterlands or Crestwood or somewhere and Kepi bends down to pick a flower in the sunlight and Nyeni’s just like, “Oh. Yeah, of course I love her. Look at her.”

Bal: gosh, I think Bal just sort of… giggles a lot whenever Zevran flirts with her because it’s so gosh darn CUTE isn’T IT? how sincerely he says these ridiculous things!? and the WINKING? And she just spends a lot of time genuinely amused by how he is at the same time effortless and trying very hard. And the moment she realizes that no one else in her shitty life has ever made her laugh so much, she just sort of has an “Oh!” moment and tumbles in headfirst from there.

2. How long before they did anything about it?

Ro: she 100% lets Alistair make the first move. She tries her damndest to keep him at arm’s length because dear god, everyone close to me fucking dies and I am NOT letting that happen to him, but when he pulls out the damn rose and makes his speech about happiness in dark times, she melts and just goes “fuck okay then” and kisses him.

Aliena: I am still bitter that the game didn’t let me kiss Isabela in Act One, so you can bet your ass they start sleeping together fairly quickly. They probably get drunk in the Hanged Man celebrating…something. Possibly even as early as after winning the “duel” with Hayder? Anyway, there are definitely sloppy, drunk make outs that lead to further Things. They probably continue in this way until after the Deep Roads–Aliena took the Deep Roads as a sort of wake up call of, “yeah, I’ve almost died a lot in my life, but HOT DAMN WE ALMOST DIED DOWN THERE” and so the first time Isabela comes to the new house in Hightown, Aliena pauses the usual shenanigans to say something along the lines of, “take this as you will, but I love you, and that doesn’t mean I want anything from you that you don’t want to give, and we can carry on as we are or develop from here, but I just want you to know that in case something happens.” Isabela probably ignores that until after the whole thing with the Arishok because she can’t believe she fucking came back what the fuck, and she figures that, well shit, if she came back for this girl, maybe it is something more. Maybe I’ve thought about Aliena and Isabela waaay too much. This is long. I shall stop.

Tieran: Listen, I love the first kiss moment in canon, after they come back from dealing with Dorian’s shittastic dad and there’s that moment of “I think you’re very brave” and then theY KISS AND IT’S CUTE AND WONDERFUL and yeah, this unfolds pretty much like canon at that point, because it’s great.

Nyeni, canon: She stalls for-fucking-ever. Mostly because Cassandra is a pining loser and she is also a pining loser, and neither one of them is confident enough to do something about it. It probably takes Varric or Dorian or both giving them a stern talking to that involves a lot of blushing. And when Nyeni comes back from the Fade after Adamant, she comes into Skyhold and just marches straight up to Cassandra and holds her fiercely and promises to never go anywhere without her ever again, and that’s what gets them to kiss.

Nyeni, non-canon: Listen, Nyeni is the sort of person who doesn’t think that she is worthy of the girls she loves, and will therefore stall and try to convince herself that she must get over her feelings because they will never be returned. So she will wait for Kepi to make the first move. And once Kepi does, she will just be the most radiantly happy person in Thedas.

Bal: Probably after the Fade at Kinloch Hold. Bal is literally terrified by that experience because dwarves don’t belong in the Fade what the fuck and there is a lot of… not wasting time. Not letting this slip past her. Not waiting for the end of the world to take Zevran from her. Not letting the end of the world take him from her.

5. What are some ways they like to spend time together?

Ro: mmm, dinners. Especially post-game, when they go off to Amaranthine and start training the Recruits. They get their food out of the mess hall like all the other recruits, but then they take it upstairs and eat together, just the two of them. They talk about their days or tell stories or just…chat. They get time to themselves. Also, reading letters. They write each other boxes and boxes of letters when they’re alone, and when Alistair comes back from a mission, they retreat to their room in the evenings and read each other the letters they wrote out loud. It’s cheesy and they laugh a lot, but there’s something about having those words they put down on paper when they were alone said out loud that makes them closer. More.

Aliena: I really love the idea of these two just going down to the Hanged Man and challenging the entire tavern to either a brawl or a Wicked Grace tournament. Either way, they clean the damn place out. They also go to the Wounded Coast and dive off the cliffs into the sea and swim and dunk each other and kiss underwater and then they dry out on the beach and just….watch the ocean. Watch the horizon. Isabela tells Aliena stories about her ship and her crew and the pirate shenanigans they got up to, and Aliena tells her about Lothering and they plan for the future.

Tieran: He and Dorian have long, late-night, in-depth discussions about magical theory. They drink wine and read their own separate books next to each other in bed. Dorian teaches Tieran how to play chess until he’s good enough to beat Cullen. They both go down to the Herald’s Rest and bother Bull into drinking contests they never win and Tales With the Chargers.

Nyeni, canon: She and Cass train–Nyeni has a lot to learn about the sword after she picks Knight-Enchanter, and Cass teaches her a lot. Nyeni convinces Cass to let her read Swords and Shields out loud, and they just curl up next to each other in the armory attic and Nyeni reads with all the voices and dramatic accents and stuff and Cass tries very hard to keep her laughter as quiet as possible.

Nyeni, non-canon: She drags Kepi down to the wine-cellar to play with the kittens Cole found and keeps there. They spend a lot of time in the garden, and she brings Kepi seeds to plant. They make flower crowns. …She probably reads Swords and Shields out loud to Kepi, too, with all the voices. That’s just…such a dumb Nyeni thing to do.

Bal: She and Zev play pranks on the rest of their friends. They make a lot of harmless traps and try to get Sten to laugh. They take very long, very luxurious baths together. Since both of them grew up in shitty places that barely had showers, they definitely do overdramatic baths, rose petals and bubbles and the works. Zevran poses in ridiculous positions for Bal to sketch. He tells her stories about far-away lands while she’s drawing, and they make plans to visit…everywhere.

9. What is the most difficult thing about their relationship?

Ro: Distance. Duty. No matter how much they wish it were different, both she and Alistair are too…righteous? to abandon their duties, even when those duties separate them. Whenever Alistair is out on a mission, Ro sleeps terribly. And when Ro is out on training trips with the Recruits, Alistair spends more time in the kennel with the pups than with other humans. As mentioned, they write each other buckets of letters. They hate the separation so much, but it makes times they are together all the sweeter.

Aliena: There’s a fine line of affection that Aliena has to tread very lightly. There’s only so many times Isabela can hear the words, “I love you,” before she starts feeling the pressure and pulls away. And there’s only so much attachment Isabela can handle before she leaves for several days and disappears without saying anything. She always comes back, but Aliena has learned the hard way that too much romanticism will drive a wedge between them. Luckily this isn’t a huge problem, since she fully understands the need to not be tied down, that need for independence. She’s got it, too. But she has had to learn how to…show Isabela that she loves her without saying it. And without making it…a big production? It’s the little things that pile up, not the grand gestures.

Tieran: Again, distance. Post-Trespasser, when Dorian goes back to Tevinter, Tieran manufactures reasons to visit him. There’s also a little bit of cultural misunderstanding that occasionally gets frustrating. Though there are a lot of things about Tevinter that Dorian is trying to change, there are some things he’s a-okay with that Tieran sees as problematic; and Tieran is Very Dalish, and sometimes there are things about that that Dorian doesn’t quite understand. So there’s a lot of…talking things out, and making sure no one is offended.

Nyeni, canon: Cassandra is a Strong Warrior Woman–and that’s important, understandable, and necessary–but it can sort of…worry Nyeni. She wishes that Cass could be okay with the world knowing that despite the fact that she’s a badass warrior, she also likes romance and reading shitty smutty novels and likes flowers and poetry and kissing Nyeni’s forehead and holding her hand. She wants Cass to be okay with public displays of affection. And Cass has a need to guard the softer side of herself because of her duty and her authority and everything. And Nyeni understands, but she wishes she could have both, or–let the world see both.

Nyeni, non-canon: …possibly the worry? I think….there’s a lot of worry in their relationship. Nyeni worries that Kepi is going to get herself killed charging into battle without barriers; Kepi worries that Nyeni is going to get herself killed hanging back on the edges of battle with no sword, no nothing except her barriers. Nyeni worries that the responsibility of being Inquisitor will close Kepi off and weigh her down and wear her out; Kepi worries that the pressure of being Inquisitor will make shy, anxious Nyeni even worse at talking to people. I think they probably worry too much about each other, and that makes things…scary.

Bal: Their pasts. Both of them were assassins of some kind, and while neither of them have problems with that, there’s something to be said for the number of deaths on your conscience and the amount of blood on your hands getting to you. So, I think that there are a lot of nights that end in nightmares waking them up and a lot of stories and secrets that they can’t tell each other, and there’s a strain of just… so much blood. They can usually joke through it, but there are some secrets and some horrible things that just can’t be erased. And that’s difficult.

[dirtj0b]

More journal crap! This one is about my plants. (Not important, just notes!)

I keep wanting to write a new journal but keep ending up busy or asleep for the past couple days... I’m not sure how long this one will be. Probably long... I’ll break it into parts! This one will be about plants, and I’ll write the other one about spirit stuff.

First of all, I’m sorry I’ve been taking so many pictures of my plants... I am just so incredibly proud of them, I want to show them to everyone. I cannot believe that I grew most of these myself, it feels unreal. They’re all getting so big! Especially the morning glories... One of them, I measured, grew two inches in just a day! I am so proud, so prouuudd.

A few of them still aren’t feeling well... One of the ferns recovered nicely, and one of them is getting steadily worse... Since I bought the sick one from Walmart, I... Don’t know if the care instructions are correct, and honestly, it doesn’t list a proper name on it (just fern I think) so it’s a bit tough to look it up... I can’t tell if it wants more or less light, but I feel like the light must be part of the problem! I just repotted both ferns... The one I was originally most worried about was... The whole pot was packed with the roots, they were so compacted in there that it took me more than 20 minutes to get them somewhat separated so it would feel better in a new pot... I was almost certain that it wouldn’t make it, but here we are a few days later, and it’s recovered!

The other fern is... Sort of crispy looking... Maybe it’s getting too much light? The tag that was in the pot said “full sun” but should I really trust it...? I’m gonna look up more info, I don’t know a lot about ferns... 

Come to think of it, I don’t know much of anything about plants in general, I’m really just... Figuring this out as I go on.

Icup is still feeling under the weather, but appears to be recovering! There was a mishap last night, though... He fell from the shelf and landed directly on my aloe plant, crushing some of the leaves... I’m worried about the aloe, it’s pretty tough, but...

Icup fell out of the pot. Apparently roses are sturdy as fuck, but because of this I was able to see that the roots still haven’t spread past the original size of his pot... The reason I named it Icup is that it came in a tiny teacup shaped pot, about two inches wide. Very small... It seemed to be doing well, but got sick pretty suddenly a week or so again. I think this was my fault, but it hasn’t been growing as fast as my other roses, and now I think I know why! I mussed the roots up a little and repotted it, also I added a tiny bit of pearlite to the soil because I read that roses like that. 

I fertilized the other three roses, and pruned off all the dead bits... Despite a few setbacks, they are definitely growing larger! I was really worried about the unnamed rose, but it’s getting better! Only one stem is still alive on that one, but considering I was certain it was going to die... The one stem has a fuckton of leaves now, I’m glad. I asked King if he wanted to name that one, and he tried to suggest a name, but I only got part of it (Pari- (??)) and so it remains nameless for now. Finding out new words from spirits is tough sometimes...

Glorm and Deathblade are doing great! I think Glorm might be working on some new flowersssssss...

I bought a pot for my wisteria today... It’s getting really big... I still haven’t taken the poor thing out of the bag it came in. The weather where I live is... Unpredictable... It has started snowing here again. Now that I know that most wisteria can’t survive this... Well, I’m glad I didn’t plant it outside yet, but I feel bad for buying it so early and letting it sit in a bag. I think it’s gonna be ok, though!

The poppies I bought for J are doing shitty. They were sick when I bought them, but I hoped that repotting would help them out... They still don’t look so good. I’m not sure what else to do, yet... I added some fertilizer.

The big morning glories, the fuzzy ones, are growing incredibly fast. I have NEVER seen a plant grow this fast. King seems to particularly like those ones, too. They are the same ones that were tangled in my hair when I woke up that one day, pff. I put them in a large pot together, with a tall-ish bit of trellis in the middle. They seem to love it. They’ve already grown about four inches (maybe more?) since I put them in there... I am proud of them! I think the fuzziness of the vines is cute, too. They’re very soft, I kind of want to sit around petting them. Some of the leaves are fuzzy, too. It reminds me of how peaches are fuzzy.

The morning glories in the planter are growing up past the lights, now. I wonder if I should move the lights up higher? There were a couple casualties... About three of the smaller ones seem to have passed away. I’m pretty sad about it, but there are so many of them, I guess it would have been unrealistic to hope they would all make it...

The largest sunflower is feeling well again, but now lays horizontally. I’m not sure how to fix this. I’m going to try attaching it to a stick. Poor thing... It’s getting bigger, though! The other sunflowers didn’t make it... I need to try harder. I’m frustrated that I let them get sick.

The sage and snap peas are doing fuck awful. I’m not sure what to do for them. They were really root bound when I got them from the nursery, and so I put them in new pots, but they are just sort of slowly getting sicker. I must have done something wrong... They are under full sun and I water them a little bit every day. Except today, the sage’s soil seemed too damp so I didn’t water it...

The mint that Fish gave me is growing well! The rosemary I got is also doing very well. I wonder if I should clip some of it? I don’t know much about herbs... I also got lavender seeds and was thinking about growing some of it inside, but we will seeeee.

My orchid is doing well! Nothing to report there. The poppy in the window is tiny but also doing well. I hope it survives. The garlic in my room seems like it’s doing great, as well! I like it, it smells like... Garlic. The moon flowers are growing incredibly slow, but they seem really healthy! The leaves are such a dark color, it’s really nice. I’m going to repot the biggest one, soon. King seems to particularly like the moon flowers as well, and he picked out a pot for them himself. I was a bit surprised by that... I told him that as payment for a thing he had done he could pick something out from the store, and he chose that. It’s not that he is selfish (ever) or anything, it just surprised me for some reason. Anyway, plants.

One of the succulents didn’t make it. I tried really hard, but in the end nothing was working... Since it was on clearance and in pretty bad shape when I got it, I guess I shouldn’t have had such high hopes. The succulent that Fish got me was also clearance and is doing GREAT (it’s huuuuge now) so I guess I got a little bit cocky and thought I could save it. The velvet plant also didn’t make it... I’m going to try one in a terrarium next time. It just wasn’t holding water for some reason and would become dry so fast, I couldn’t water it fast enough. I’ve never seen that before...

The succulents I’m propagating are doing ok. Not great, but not bad. One of them popped out of the ground and had roots when I looked, so that’s good! A few seem to have dried out and gotten kind of mushy... I’m not sure if I should keep taking care of those or what? Oh well... I got a really large pot to plant the succulents in! It was on clearance because it has a large chip on the bottom. I’m waiting until I move more of my shelves in before I plant them, that way I have somewhere to set it...

I now have two cacti! One is... strange. I’m only assuming it is a cactus because it has some similar traits... Spines, and a really thick “stem”... It also has big leaves growing out of it! And flowers that grow out of the top, small pink ones! The tag only listed it as “upright foliage, assorted”, whatever the fuck that means. Oh well. I repotted it yesterday (drunk) because it had roots coming out the bottom. It seems to be doing well today. My other cactus is... Also a mystery, but definitely a cactus. I named it Dagoth Ur, because it is red and black and kind of stripey looking, with spikes on each edge. I don’t know what it is, but I like it.

I got a butterwort! It grows faster than I expected. I’ve only had it a few days, but it’s already caught a bunch of flies (YESSSS) and has three new leaves! I don’t know what the hell butterwort likes, but it seems to be getting it.

The snake plant is hiding in my hamper, and it’s doing fine as always... It’s getting big, though. The nephthytis is doing great as well! I feel like maybe it could use some more light, so I’ll work on that. I’m hoping to buy another plant light soon, but options have been a bit... Inconvenient. I really like the one I have with the roses, which has a clamp to hold it onto the shelf. It also casts a cool glow on the ceiling, in light pink and blue. It’s pleasant. 

Anyway, the last plant I can think of is my english ivy, which apparently doesn’t need shit. It’s doing fine. It gets very little light and never seems to need water, but it’s still doing really well. I’m not sure what’s up with that plant, I heard they were hard to keep alive. Ah, well. I won’t complain about that! I did hit my head on it a few days ago, while I was trying to hang something up. 

...That’s about it, I think. I have so many plants, now. I don’t even know how many I have anymore. Surely I have more than 47, now. Maybe I’ll get double anxiety? I’m pretty excited, I hope that the morning glories will bloom, soon. Since there are so many different varieties, I am sure that it’s going to look amazing. My friend mentioned that wisteria doesn’t bloom for a few years, usually... That makes me kind of sad, but I can try to be patient! Maybe if I take really good care of it it will bloom faster! Probably not, but I can hope.

I really want to get a pitcher plant to help with all these flies... My home is... Well. I’m not sure where the flies come from. They’ve been here for years. They’ve survived two bug bombings, and always come back. They don’t bite or anything, and I’ve never seen larvae or eggs around... They’re just sort of gross. I don’t like it when they land on me when I’m sleeping, either. Eugh. I guess I prefer flies to spiders, but still. I almost bought a fucking praying mantis nest and released them into my kitchen, but I... Had some reservations about that. For obvious reasons. I hope the flies go away eventually. ...I don’t know why I’m talking about flies.

Sorry that was fucking long.

TL;DR - Five million plants are in my house. Five million plants inside of my house are becoming large. Two of the plants tried to strangle me in my sleep. One of the plants attacked my head. Some of the plants died of natural (?) causes... Two of the plants killed each other. Flies.