#but the point is that i am a grown ass person and dont need internet teens with the capacity for nuance of a toddler speaking for me

[rainyday-deer]

I see a lot of posts from people telling minors to be more careful, and to not give out personal info, and to be more careful in curating their experience-- WHICH ARE ALL TRUE AND THEY SHOULD ABSOLUTELY DO THAT

But also I see a lot of minors getting into it with adults. Call outs, sticking their noses in other people’s business, making a public display of their arguments with these adults. And like... I never really. See anyone talking about how FUCKING dangerous that is?

Yes, this adult may be wrong, or maybe you think you’re doing the fandom a favor by outlining why this person is problematic™ or the like but like.

They are actively drawing attention to themselves. Attention that could be dangerous!

“But this person ships--” BLOCK THEM. “But they draw--” BLOCK THEM. “But they like this show and thats--” BLOCK THEM. BLOCK. THEM.

Idk how to tell these kids that the people WHO DONT WANT TO interact with this person ALREADY WON’T. Chances are, they’ve never even heard of them before! If they have, they’ve probably already steered clear! Making a giant callout post, or going to this person and actively getting into an antagonistic talk with them on PURPOSE isn’t doing ANYONE any favors, and actively putting yourself in danger if you do this to the wrong person.

“Isn’t it pathetic this grown ass adult is harassing a minor?” YES. IT IS. But you need to realize thats exactly WHY you SHOULD NOT ENGAGE.

Curating your online experience isn’t just about avoiding what you don’t want to see, or triggering material. It is ALSO about staying out of dangerous situations by NOT engaging in things like petty drama, or just... People you hate.

It drives me absolutely batty to see minors being harassed and they respond in turn by poking the bear FURTHER.

And I want them to understand that this isn’t victim blaming or anything like that, it is me, being genuinely concerned for their safety-- And sometimes, even the adult’s safety. A minor harassing someone they don’t like is still harassment, and that can also lead to some pretty bad consequences

I am literally begging you to stay in your lane for your own sake, and stop getting into petty internet squabbles for the sake of looking woke or superior or just to prove a point. It’s fucking dangerous, especially nowadays.

[kataracy]

My job just does not care that rent is like 400+ huh cool cool im about to go awf under this read more if yall dont mind

FREGIURGTTKJLKKSAKDSFKAFSLJL GOD FUCKING FUCK?WHAT IS THE DEAL FFFFFFF ok story time:

So I work at corner bakery cafe its a weird fusion fast casual place where i make $9/hr, less than what i’ve made from my  last jobs but incredibly close to where i live like deadass across the street. So I have a manager that I steadily don’t get along with, he’s a blowhard. He picks a person to be mad at for the day, he hovers, he treats the girls there like his personal punching bags and I noticed all of that and started to dislike him to the point where I just couldn’t work with him. 

I would go in on days where he would close, because i work the night shift (my job favors the day shift btw. They only care about having people work in the day shift the dont give a fuck about night crew is ridiculous how much the dont clean up after their shifts and we have to pick up behind these grown ass women) and i would noticeably make little o no effort to converse with him, I just went in, did my job and went home. 

He would write me up for not saying hi to him. He would constantly start telling the GM I was being insubordinate when i was literally doing everything good at my job except talking to his sensitive ass. So I complained to the GM. I begged him to not put me on any more shifts with this manager because i was Tired of getting written u for nothing and I was tired of not having fun at my job. I was getting anxiety attacks while working with this dude it was so bad because again, he HOVERS. HE STANDS IN THE FRONT WHEN THERE IS OTHER STUFF TO DO AND JUST FUCKING HOVERS LIKE CAN YOU GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO and my GM said ok its fine we know (BECAUSE THE DONT LIKE HIM EITHER WE LITERALLY WOULD TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DID NOT LIKE THIS DUDE OK NONE OF THE MANAGERS LIKE HIM) we will try not to put you on the same shift, we’ll let Z (the scheduling manager) know and if u do have to be scheduled with him make sure you find a cover and we’ll tell him to leave you alone because we know you know how to do your job.

So. That was a fucking lie.

They keep scheduling him with me. I tell another manager I don’t like him and why and he says I get it I’ll let B (GM) know. 

So I keep getting scheduled with him. And how the hell am I supposed to know when because, the managers have an entirely different schedule thats just their shifts and its fucking private. They end up scheduling me with him again and again and I just don’t show up one day I let the night manager know hey im not coming in on these 2 days, i found someone for this day but not this one so i hope yall find someone.

And then the next day, im getting called by a coworker like hey where are you are you coming in and i say no. no im not. i gave the managers plenty of time ( a whole fucking day) to find someone else bc they know i dont like working with this man. i said im not coming in repeatedly. im not coming in. but the coworker keeps fucking picking at me and saying hey they dont have anyone can you please come and then i get so pissed off i say im on my way and when i get there the fucking manager says you can go home i found someone.

I get so pissed. Why did you keep calling me then?

I didn;t call you they called you.

and the coworker that kept calling me and making me feel guilty for not wanting to work with this man who makes me uncomfortable and pissed and anxious, is my boyfriend. My fucking boyfriend decided this job was more important than my feelings that day and it was beyond hurtful dude im tearing up just talking about it because god it hurt, it was like a dramatic ass betrayal (AND THAT JOB IS SO DRAMATIC BY THE WAY THEY WILL GET SO FUCKING UNCOORDINATED OVER A SMALL RUSH ITS THE STUPIDEST SHIT)

So I go back there and im so angry now. Why have you been blowing up my phone to tell me to come in and being so dramatic. There arent even any customers in here. Why did you keep calling me asking me to come in when they already found somebody.

They just found somebody.

So you could call me and even come back home to fucking say they asked you to come get me> But you cant find the time to pick up the phone again and send a quick nvm?

The next day im scheduled. Another write up from the manager who loves writing me up. because he couldn’t be a fucking manager and just find a replacement no, he had to call and tattle-tell on me to the GM for nothing. I get called in to office by the scheduling manager.

So GM asked me to have you read this, its a warning. I heard you have problems with B and I din’t know that.

I find out they never fucking told the scheduling manager. they lied to me to just keep me coming in.

And... listen. look. I get that everyone in that place must have a complaint. I get that the managers must hear complaints all the time but. just because they do, does not mean my complaint matters less. Im a young woman who is uncomfortable working with an older male manager, how about yall give a shit about that at least. This job didnt care about me the entire time and that hurts even fucking more.

So now, im only getting two days. Because instead of the other managers just stepping up and working the easy night shift, instead of being accommodating and considerate, they decide to just shit on my feelings like this. 

The last time I went in. the manager is fucking talking to me because thats what fucking happens. The more you work with someone like that, the more they get use to you not liking them and being uncomfortable with them and they decide they dont fucking care, that they dont have o be accountable. that they can just keep messing with you. My last shift was so anxiety riddled I had to excuse myself 5 times (I counted the tissues) to go fucking cry because of how awful it felt to just, be surrounded by so many people who have the power to do something and yet, decide they just dont feel like it. 

He keeps his shifts and i have to deal with having 2.

He works on salary, I have  9 dollars an hour.

my bf and i had to move out of our 1 bedroom that we share with his dad because we needed the space and rent is an extra $100. I broke my glasses last month and cant afford to get replacements so i have been straining my eyes faily. I have to pay a full internet bill from my account and my bf gives me half of that. the dog wont stop fucking barking and giving the cat fleas. My mother and I dont speak, we have no relationship. I dont want to ask my aunts for money any more than i already do, i have no family out here, i only have like 3 friends that are close enough to visit and even then, i dont have a car and “close” equals driving distance and... i’m just

I am so exhausted haha. its been such a long few months. The ups and downs are there but, the downs have been so much more amplified lately its hard to see a silver lining so i just, idk, I dont know. I do not know.

I got our new schedule today. Only two days. This ko-fi stuff and this commission stuff guys its what i have right now. Its what i need to work because nothing else is. lol im not a begging person, im not like... this. Im not so open but, i could really use any help right now, please. Just share the links, if u dont see something u like maybe someone else will, and that hope is the only thing i can look forward to right now. thanks for reading this far if u did. thanks for listening to me yell about avatar for all these years thanks for following me and giving me notes and making me laugh and making me smile and im burned out after all of this so, take care guys.

[slipmethevicxdin]

i wanna talk about something thats been on my mind and has been affecting me pretty heavily lately. im only okay with talking about this because not many irl’s follow me and i think im okay with the ones that do knowing about it, and tumblr has been my venting place for many years. and shit, this is gonna be so long that i’d be surprised if anyone actually read the whole thing, and i’ll most likely delete this. but here we go

so i guess i’ll start with the fact that i’ve always made the majority of my friends - and my closest friends - through the internet. so i follow, add and communicate with people i dont personally know because that’s how ive met almost all of my closest friends. 

i met someone through facebook that is an alumnus of the organization i was/am in. this happened when i was 18, had just ended my first relationship of 5 years, and in all honesty, desperately needed someone to lean on. i believe he reached out to me first. he was 5 years older than me, and i’ve honestly always been intimidated by age differences, in the form of submission, if that makes any sense. we talked almost everyday, not about anything significant but i’ve always been someone who falls really hard, really fast, even(/especially) without reciprocation. i’m also horrendous at reading people when it comes to intimacy/affection. and even though this guy was 5 years older than me, had also previously been in a long term relationship (which is usually a clear indicator that they’re most likely not looking for another relationship any time soon) and never actually showed any sign of interest past friendship in me, i was fucking swoon.

we eventually ended up going to see a movie, and even though he clearly said when he asked me, “not like a date or anything”, i still saw it that way, because yes, that’s how i was at the age of 18. i never got to experience dates or first times other than the ones i experienced with my ex so i was horrible at them, and he could tell. i think he could tell a lot about how naive and inexperienced i was in a lot of things and took advantage of it.

shortly after that, he asked if i wanted to “hang out” one night. an important thing to note here is that he worked in a place that had him working graveyard shifts, so there’s only two times i’ve seen him that weren't at night. another important thing to note is that as obvious as it may seem to any other person, because i’d only been with my ex at this point, i didn’t know that there’s normally only one reason that someone wants to “hang out” so late. but in my defense, he told me that maybe we could “go to the beach or something.” i also didn’t have a car yet at this time so he picked me up. when i got in his car and he started driving, he asked what i wanted to do and i said i was okay with whatever he wanted to do. so he said we could hang out at his place. i don’t think i need to further explain what happened, but it wasn’t non-consensual. i didn’t know exactly how to handle what was happening but i didn’t say no. 

i think this happened a few more times, one of which he was clear with why he wanted me over and i agreed. i was under the impression that we were in some sort of “relationship”, because i didn’t know at this point that sex and feelings could be mutually exclusive. but eventually he would stop talking to me days at a time until i realized he had no feelings invested in me. i eventually let it go but continued to look up to him sort of as a friend, but mostly as someone to go to when i needed guidance or advice because i was never able to disconnect from the thought of being submissive to him. a slightly insignificant part of that is that i am normally very adamant about paying for and in general taking care of myself in any situation but when he’d refuse to let me pay for anything i went along with it because of the way i saw him. he’d kinda painted himself as someone who would take care of me, in a sense. or maybe that was just part of how i perceived things. but anyways; 

anytime we would actually hang out after this, things always took a turn in ways i wasn’t comfortable with. he would grab me by the neck and claim it to be “playful”, put his hands through my hair and pull it as he put his face uncomfortably close to mine, hold me down, etc. even though i was uncomfortable, i still at that point was unable to see what was wrong with that because of the way i had grown to know our “relationship”.

there were times where, when we would hang out - outside of his house - we would hold hands and at that point i’d seen it as platonic, since i’d platonically held hands with a few friends other than him. once at a school/organization event we’d walked around holding hands and i didn’t think much of it. he brought me in and held me, and at that point i was beginning to grow uncomfortable because i was/am in a relationship. i pulled away but he did this a few more times.

later on in the night he’d walked me to my car but we were quite a distance away from his, so i gave him a ride back to his car. i got out to give him a hug before leaving but he kept me there for a while. he did his usual bit of pulling my hair and grabbing my neck, and smacked my ass a few times. i told him to stop multiple times but he didn’t take me seriously. eventually i was able to leave after hugging him and him holding me for an uncomfortably long amount of time. i later told my boyfriend and he didn’t have much of a response other than “okay” and “thanks for telling me”. i don’t think he knew how to handle the situation or if it needed handling. i don’t really hold that against him.

the last time i’d hung out with him was a typical instance of “let’s hang out tonight”. i should have said no. he picked me up, and we ended up at his house, which was the first time since we’d last slept together. the familiar routine of taking shoes off in the garage, walking up the stairs in the dark, and walking into his room already made me uncomfortable. but he knew i was in a relationship. i’d talked about my partner all the time with him. i didn’t think i had to worry about being pushed into anything. 

i struggled to keep the conversation going so that there wasn’t time for awkward silence. no time for him to get too close. but still, he’d grab me by the throat. still pull my hair. got on top of me. i was uncomfortable. started grinding against me. i was extremely uncomfortable. trying to make it clear that i was uncomfortable and wanted him off of me, said “are you trying to rub your dick on me?” he got off. but he got back on top of me not too long after, joking about how he was “rubbing his dick on me”. i tried to move. he eventually got off. but he started touching me. there. i moved his hand. i said it was time to go home. he did it again. i moved his hand, again. told him to stop. he grabbed my arm and did it again. then reached over and turned off the light. i told him to stop. he got on top of me. i said no. i said i didn’t want to have sex. he said he just wanted to make me cum.

it didn’t go as far as sex. but it was still painful. i was sore and swollen for maybe two days after. after a few days i was able to talk about it with my boyfriend. i felt like it was my fault. i honestly still do. i shouldn’t have went. i shouldn’t have continued to trust him after how many times i felt uncomfortable. but i did. my boyfriend didn’t blame me. he asked me if i had any intention of pressing charges, or at the very least, telling my dad. hell no, i didn’t. that would ruin his fucking life. but why do i feel that way if it’s not supposed to be my fault?

this thanksgiving i’ll be in new york, marching in the macy’s thanksgiving day parade. i’d asked him before all this happened if he’d go on the trip, and eventually talked him into it. i thought after not talking to him for 3 months, he would have dropped out, but he didn’t. i considered dropping out of the trip. at this point, i’m no longer having fun. the only reason i’m still going is because my entire family knows i’ll be there, as well as all my parent’s friends they’ve told. to make it easier on myself i switched from playing first part to second, to avoid having to be next to him since i assumed that he’d be on first. our director put him on second. he now stands next to me at rehearsals. 

i was told that i should inform the staff of what happened and get him removed from the trip, but i cant bring myself to do it. it’s embarrassing. i’d also be ruining his reputation with the organization. most likely asked why i didn’t report it. or even worse, be told that nothing can be done, which i’d expect to be the most likely outcome. 

i have no intention of continuing a friendship with him, but i’m civil with him when i have to be. and it’s weird. i don’t like it but i feel like of all the things i should’ve done, i didn’t and put myself in this position, leaving me with no valid reason to complain. 

i just needed to vent, because i haven’t said any of this from start to finish and reflecting on it i see how i was groomed but never had the common sense to know when to walk the fuck away. i honestly did this to myself.

[flameontheotherside]

Critical Thinking And Rationality

Yes, being and looking at this experience logically has been helping me. I feel like some people are so quick to jump to conclusions when it comes receiving info from other dimensions.

I don't go around telling people everything about my experience expecting to gain attention.

The only thing I really focus on and write about is my relationship with my tf. The whole point of it is to reach out to people who are dealing with the same shit. The difference between me and delusional attention whores is I'm legitimately helping people. It's the ones I have grown close to who know some of the things I don't share publicly. Why do I need to tell everyone everything? What purpose is there? I'm not here demanding attention. I'm here trying to make a difference in people's lives because...

I actually give a shit about people and not too focused on myself.

Which is kind of bad because I tend to take on other people's problems. I just care too much. *shrug*

As I've been learning a lot about myself spiritually, I learn some things that I would normally pass off as bullshit. Like for example when Erik and AAM said I'm an Incarnated Goddess, I dismissed it a year ago because it sounded stupid. My pendulum and intuition are broken. It can't be true, my shit is broken. How the fuck am I a goddess, right? I'm like soooooo far from one.

What I did a couple of months ago was hear Erik out and let him tell me about the God Realm setting aside what I find believable and such. Erik had me think of clues that might tie me to a specific deity. I did some research and sat on the info for a while. Like IF I am an incarnated Goddess what does it mean? How are the God Realms structured? How are we created? What are some profound things in my life that link me to said deity?

Erik slowly walked me through the whole thing.

Again setting aside my personal beliefs and detaching from having that kind of spiritual connection. I realized, it's not something you go around broadcasting. It's fucking idiotic and some details are meant to be kept to yourself. You have to have a certain level of....>>>>>>>>DISCRETION!<<<<<<<<<

Of course depending on the situation...

1. You're going to look like a complete idiot.

2. People will most likely dismiss you.

3. You are drawing the wrong kind of attention to yourself.

4. Your head is so far up your ass, your ego is showing.

Check and check mate!

I like to think despite the spiritual shit that I have a good head on my shoulders. I'm not psychotic, I dont demand attention, I admit my faults, I don't look for a reason to be offended because I want to be right, I let people teach me things and I'm able to have a open mind as long as the other person can handle an intelligent debate and not argue. So yeah I sound snooty but you know what, I tell shit like it is. I make a huuuuuuuuge effort to keep a logical mindset.

I think with my head AND my heart... Mostly my head.

Rationalization is overlooked by the typical delusional and ignorant people here on this drama riddled internet. There is nothing wrong with being emotionally attached to something but if you can't take a moment to process information instead of shouting to the world your shit head first, you are a complete and total fucking idiot and deserve what you get.

I see a pattern in that legitimacy lies in the humbled and its true that in this case its the quiet ones you have to watch for and the loud ones you have to tune out. I completely and utterly remove myself from what I think is bullshit until I have proof.

That's just the reality of it.

... And I'm still not entirely on board with being a GI by the way and require still more information. That's because a few bad apple ruin nice THINGS. I'm collecting data as I get it straight from the source and if I decide to share it I will ONLY do so because I genuinely think it will help someone and I have helped plenty who appreciate my honesty.

I love you guys, stay cool! 😘💕💞❤️

... Because it's like 100+ degrees outside and it's gross.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. channelingerik.com … And YouTube

There is a new Twin Flame in spirit support forum: Spirit Spouse Support Group check it out!

Get your first Twin Flame/Mediumship reading free and take a look at affordable detailed readings here! (◕‿◕)♡

[neoplasmic]

vent post i might be discussing some aspects of pedophilia and homophobia and teh like.

im not going to say seeing amy rose's titties when i was like 11 like traumatized me or whatever but yeah the more people talk about it the more you realize ... yeah maybe being exposed to a barrage of weird porn at a young age like consistently did fuck me up a little bit. & maybe impacted my relationship with sexuality significantly. especially when it’s like. it’s one thing where like... it feels like some people prioritize jerking off over literally everything else like all earthly affairs and such are literally nothing compared to the attachment they feel to their anime women. if you criticize the porn tehy masturbate to you might as well be pissing in their mother’s face it has the same emotional impact there is no lower blow. ok but like these sort of people like literally arent even concerned with the age of the fictional people they jerk off to or like the moral aspects of it so many i guess “twitter sexywomen” are like. 14 year old girls. & it’s not even just in these weird niche circles of internet fuck ups its like long before then “teen” porn has been a popular genre. the predation of teenagers feels like its present in everything like even in things that should be “safe”... not just teenage girls either and spending 5 min in the proximity of a “fandom mom” will tell you that but that specific thing affects me the most as a Teen Girl. shit by grown adults that draws focus to their bodies or especially when it portrays them as the “gold digger” type or lusting after older men (im just gonna come out and be like ... mona from warioware her whole design and the way she is treated in the games and ESPECIALLY by people in “fandom” ... ive never been so homicidal) again as a teen girl it makes you feel so unsafe . like adults dont care about your safety or emotional wellbeing or about protecting you at all. teh people that produce overtly pedophilic pornography or like incest porn are literally given free range to do and say whatever they want and they receive literally like bare minimum ostracization for it. literally the worst treatment they get is people making jokes at their expense where realistically these people should be on a fucking watchlist or in jail . and people who encourage these fucking lunatics. these deliberately dangerous people. by saying its their weird fetish to cope or whatever. THERAPY. or im gonna kill you. it has literally filled me with such violent abject hatred since like day 1 that i share air with these people and i cant escape them. and everyone else doesnt do their part to harass these people out of public spaces like back into teh hell pit they come from. but you’re so hopelessly angry and scared and why. abt something that most other people probably just see as kind of weird or irrational. because obviously these people are still like visible. it makes you feel so alone and insane. and every time i see someone bitching abt purity culture or antis or “not actually caring” abt victims of such and such ... im filled with such a real rage but its just hopeless you know. & it has to some extent impacted how i view myself and other’s expressions of sexuality ... this is like what i think i need to go to therapy for but i dont really want to talk about it because i think it makes me sound insane. like even hearing other people talk about boobs is like -__- seriously. but that’s me. tahts literally you you like boobs what’s your problem. if you’re actually still reading this at this point dont take this as like legit criticism of like you as a person or like think im gonna start asking you to trigger tag titties because i know this is objectively irrational and that im like mentally unstable. like the closest thing i have to an explanation for why im so weird in the head abt it is that i guess ive internalized teh Abject Terror or whatever & now my brain thinks Girl + Sex = Scary?? and something feels wrong with me even now ... i feel like ppl probably note my Bihet nature & that i guess i talk about fictional men more than fictional women . but like that and like . It’s not like it’s necessarily common to hear people talking about man tits and ass. So i feel alone in my insanity but also not because people agree with me ... as they should. -__- You can talk about wanting to peg a man and it’s like. Well it’s not like it’s a societally acceptable talking point. EA or bestheda or whatever isn’t gonna announce a game wth a sexy male lead in like tit windows or whatever but then you’re like “ i want to fuck a girl “ and suddenly your brains like ????? 404 Stable Relationship With Sexuality Not Found so you’re like ehehe strap and then you’re like I’m literally going to kill myself. Uhh whatever. it’s not like im not attracted to women i know this fucking intuitively but my brain just . Ugghhh plus it would be nice to have like one female character that you could look at and be confident that people arent drawing hyper lactation inflation impregnation 4K cunt shitting porn of but god hates everyone.  Also i am like genuinely afraid of most unfamiliar adults just as a footnote. Fuck off

[5questions]

Peter BD

as the young man gazed up at the eclipse

he thought

“damn, i’m looking at

the

eclipse”

So begins acclaimed poet Peter BD's dizzying journey into the depths of the textual Self, in which reflexive phrases play off one another like a thousand points of light shining through a fifth of cognac and illume the striving and conniving which defines our current moment. From treatises on chicken to the moral quandaries of Winona Ryder, touchstones of the Now seep through Peter's verse like osmosis like milk through lace like the blinking of your fifth eye. Buoyant humor and steely irony mix together to form a wild combination which goes down easy but lingers with you for the rest of the day.

BUY IT TODAY FROM INPATIENT PRESS

How many of your famous/infamous email letters have you sent out? By your estimation, what's the ratio of positive to negative feedback you have received (could also throw in neutral)? Or is it hard to categorize them as such? What are the most wild responses you have ever gotten? Define 'wild' as you will. 

i'm not sure how many stories i've emailed people. i've never kept count. in the beginning i'd write a lot of people things but don't do it now as much as i used to. all i can say is that it's probably a big number overall. or maybe not. sorry for not being able to answer this one. feedback to the stories is either positive, neutral or no response at all. i'd say it's about 60% positive and 40% neutral. this is just going on my responses in my inbox. i don't have any social media besides twitter so unsure what the overall reaction is, if there is any. no one really replies to me in a negative way. i remember one person corrected my grammar once which was funny. i think my most memorable negative response came from you. i sent you a 3 part email and here was your response: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE STOP SENDING ME YOUR FUCKING EMAILS ITS FUCKING FICTION I HATE YOU PEOPLE JUST KIDDING ABOUT ONE OF THOSE PARTS NOT ALL OF THEM FUCKING ASSHOLE I AM UNIMAGINATIVE I STALK PEOPLE GIRLS BOYS WOMEN MEN ANIMALS PLANTS SO FUCK YOU DID YOU HACK MY EMAIL PLEASE DONT IM SORRY I  LOVE YOU PLEASE LOVE ME BACK this was one of the most memorable responses because it's around the time i first started doing this and also because it's wild. i guess it's more wild than negative. whatever it is i enjoyed it. i don't receive too many wild responses but one i did enjoy was when this artist named jacob sanders wrote a song about me. i was working this shitty job and was up at 5 am when i received it. it just talked about how i can accomplish whatever i want or something like that. i was really happy at work that day haha. it made feel really good and humbled that someone would do that for me. i think someone sent me a dick pic once. that was wild. another person responded to one of my stories with a story of their own about me that was thousands of words. that was wild as hell.

What was the writing process like for your recently released book? How did you decide on your publisher? 

i don't think i would've written these poems if i hadn't gotten sick last winter. i had a lot of down time and just began writing a bunch of short poems/stories every day. i saved them in my drafts not thinking anything would come of them. i probably wrote hundreds of them. then one day, over the summer, i was eating a burrito somewhere and mitch anzuoni from inpatient press approached me and asked if i was writing anything he could publish. he saw me read at an event and guess he thought i was book publishing material. we talked for awhile and that's how this 'milk and henny' idea came to life. i didn't even have a finished work to present him and we already got to the point of discussing a second book. it was really weird and serendipitous. so i went back in my drafts, put together some things i liked, and presented them to mitch as a powerpoint presentation a couple of weeks later. i didn't even know if anyone would like the poems except me. it was all pretty random haha

What's your day-to-day life like? Will you answer this question?

my day to day depends on what day it is. either i'm at work, or recently, going to see some doctor. i've been feeling ill again but anytime i go to get checked out they tell me i'm 100% fine so maybe my illness isn't easily traceable or it's all in my head.

i write some days. other days i just read. i think i'm gonna meet a friend to get drinks in a couple of hours. life is pretty random these days. i'd like some stability. being alive is strange and hard as you know.

How do you find your online persona to be different than your real life personality? Is there any separation between these two or just different gradations and systems of perception that make the two seem separate? 

at this point i think how i present myself online is similar to my real life personality. i went from thinking i'd just do this for a couple of months and then go to grad school to it becoming who i am completely. it probably sounds dumb, but creating this fake internet character brought me closer to myself. most likely, i would've gone to medical or pharmacy school if i hadn't began writing when i did. being in the sciences seems crazy to me now, even though the money would've been nice. this is a hard question to answer completely because i think we all show people certain aspects of ourselves and hide others. i don't feel any different than anyone else in terms of persona presentation although what i do might seem strange to some. 

my family and a couple of my friends still don't know about whatever this is that i do. maybe i don't think it's important enough to tell them or maybe i just want to keep it to myself. probably the latter. there's some shit that you just need to have for yourself, ya know? especially when it comes to being creative. i think growing up i was steered away from the arts and told that i had to do something practical. but now that i'm a grown up i can be as impractical as i want to be 

What are the best things you have read in the past year? Why? 

a read a lot but i didn't read as much in 2017. trying to change that this year. i really liked this book by ralph ellison called living with music. it's a collection of his jazz writings but it's mostly about music in general. a lot of what he says applies to music of today and how people react to it. he's very good at criticism. i picked up rome poems by pasolini off my roommates bookshelf and enjoyed it. ed mullany gave me man and his symbols by carl jung. i'm enjoying it thus far because certain topics that he discusses interest me lately. it's strange how you can begin a book and it ties into what you're going through in your life. there's nothing like a good book to take you somewhere else for however long you're reading. it's like a instant mental vacation. 

i read twitter daily. that's where i get most of my news. i want to read more richard wright this year. and octavia butler. i want to read a lot of the books i saw on your bookshelf. excited for your upcoming book. there's never enough time to read all these good ass books that exist.

[zombolouge]

Fuck Corn, but Still a Strong Feminist Tale

Okay so I'm driving to San Diego (from Seattle) because that's where I'm taking my vacation. I have already had about a million hiccups and snags along the way before leaving , which I won't get into here because I ain't got that kind of time right now. That post will be saved for when I am not melting and furious.

Anyways, I'm driving along making good time, when BAM. Huge boom sound beneath my car, and everything starts shaking. I swerve, flip my shit because it felt like my damn engine collapsed, and immediately begin to panic. I almost didn't make it to the side of the road safely, so everybody thank the gods of Road Bullshit for that small miracle. 

 So I reach the shoulder and turn the car off, wait a sec, then try to drive (spoilers, it's my tire, and this is before I realize it's my tire). Bumpiest ride in the universe, clunker city. So I get out, take a look, and the rubber coating on my front tire is just GONE. Shredded and peeled so there's nothing but metal strips left. It looked like some bullshit physics glitch from a video game, only it's real and on my damn tire. I call towing ppl, because I don't know how to change a fucking tire. 

First people I call are rude and unhelpful because I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM ALL I HAVE AROUND ME ARE CORN FIELDS. Seriously, it's Corn as far as the eye can say, rolling, flat fields just baking under the sun. So I'm like, I have a spare. I'm a fucking adult grown ass feminist woman living in the goddamn now. I don't need some uppity dude to change my tire, I'll do it my goddamn self. I googled instructions, and by god I changed that tire. The lug nuts were a bitch and a half, and I had to use ALL the strength gained from the last two months of lifting weights, but I got them off, got the spare in, and got the fuck on my way. 

You guys, there is no sweeter moment of triumph than being a scared anxiety girl, lost in the middle of the California corn fields, who has just ignored her stroke of garbage luck and made her own fate. I felt invincible. I was on top of the world. I could do anything I want, with the limitless knowledge if the internet on my side I am UNSTOPPABLE. It was glorious. 

 For exactly one minute and thirty seven seconds, after which point the spare tire ALSO exploded, shredded to pieces, and again left me stranded in the middle of You Want Some Fucking Corn Because You're Gonna Be Here Awhile City. 

Yeah, not my finest moment. 

 So I break down, panic, call @kmandergirl in tears because I don't know how to use corn to pinpoint my position and triangulate a towing person who isn't a giant, leaking vagina-man. She had a better connection, is able to locate me on google maps AND find the closest exit, which lets me find a towing person that was kind and sympathetic and understands that all I have to describe my position is the physics-defying, endless field of corn, which laughs at my attempts to describe it. Sentient fucking evil bullshit Corn FUCK IT FOREVER.

 Anyways, I'm waiting for the towing guy now and also I'm never eating corn again, but at least I know how to change a fucking tire and the goddamn boonies of California can never take that from me.

[dredshirtroberts]

y’all it’s been a month and i’m drunk so i’m gonna ramble

you know what FUCK HIM.

i have wasted my life focusing and obsessing over people who are not deserving of my loveliness.

Like i’m a disaster trashcan don’t get me wrong, but fuckin’....i’m worth more than people who don’t give a fuck about me.

there’s one guy right now that i’ve kinda been focused on for a lil while but I know it’s not ever going to happen so i’m just like...*shrug emoji*

but like...of all the people i’ve ever liked he’s probably the closest to someone i’d actually be happy with.

and i’ve been struggling with the whole sexual identity thing recently because honestly, i like dudes a lot more than i like the ladies - but I DEFINITELY like some ladies y’all. so like...i’m super attracted to the masculine, but I feel uncomfrotabel with that because I feel like...that’s not allowed?????

idk

Also I’m not sure how I feel about vagina...like...i don’t even like my own so how’m i supposed to like someone elses’sess? 

Fuck

I have a super high libido but like I don’t have “sexual attraction” i think? unless sometimes??? fuckin...

y’all my sexuality has always been a grey space and part of that is because I’m gender fluid but my preferences don’t change with my gender so it’s like super...idk

I should not be doing a text post this far into my cups y’all.

but I got some good music and I got a Big Ass Bottle of wine (BAB) that i’m onlay like...a third thru. and I’m lookin to get CRUNK tonite.

my fucikn disliexia man. i can’t spell for SHIT anymroe.

but i dont’ have to TRY. like...ain’t no one gonna judge me for my spelling and if they do what the fuck ever man. I ain’t got no one to please but myself and I can’t fuckin’ spell.Never done been able to do so in the first place.

I just...

I’m trying to get my shit together and it’s really fuckin hard because I honestly...am not cut out for capitalism. I’m looking at alternative jobs until my dad can hire me on full time because fuckin...i don’t want to be beholden to a fuckin corporation. i just wanna chill and handle my schedule on my time. need to do banking? I can go handle that at any point in the day and not worry about how long my break is. Wanna treat myself to lunch? Fuck yeah, go to lunch and enjoy yourself bitch. Need a haircut? Just do it hunty. 

I just...

I love the experience my current job has given me but i hate hte work. I don’t wan tot do it. how can I work from home and make a reliable amount of money? Maybe I start writing listicles. fuck yeah I coudl do that. 

Mom gave me a super nice compliment last saturday. Apparently I write well when I’m inspired. So like...if I could do that for the rest of my life I totes would because I FUCKIN LOVE writing my thoughts out. y’all i’m so good at it too. 

my glass is empty and i gotta pee...fuck...gimme a second.

...

aiight we back

fuckin...

So when I was younger my favorite bestest memories with my family were my parents and I just sitting down with a hockey game or anything paused on the fuckin tv while we just...sat and goddman...kibitzed. If that’s not a word it is now.

So in order to do the thing now I just turn my music up so I can’t ear anything else on whatever music app I’ve got while I get drunk as fuck and scroll thru the internet and shit.

I can’t fuckin read when I drink (barely can type so like...y’all if you can read this you fuckin amazing and you deserve a hug when I get to see you next) so like i’m limited. plus with the music up I don’t listen to videos I watch so...if I ever reblog a thing that the music is very bad (tm) let me know and I’ll listen to it properly because I probably did not listen.

I just...

fuck i just wanna make out with someone you know? I fuckin love kissing y’all. Kiss me all day long. I’m a fuckin sucker for it. Anyone. doesn’t matter if who you are or what your are or wahtever, I just wanna kiss you. cause like...that’s what I enjoy. no strings, no feelings (unless you want there to be). I haven’t had a proper makeout session in AGES. since I moved from c-burg. and even then that was...relatively not so great because dude could not kiss at ALL. i miss it y’all. i miss kissing so fuckin much. 

And the saddest part of my whole life? i have had so few chances to kiss and make out and fuckin I spent the past four and a half years with someone who didn’t even like it.

I wasted that time when I could ahve been kissing someone who fuckin’ deserved it and wasn’t a self-centered asshole.

cause like..FUCK HIM. He fucked me the fuck over and wants to play the victim. I’m tired of trying to be chill about shit and the bigger person and not slander his fucking name because he fucked me up. I’m fucked the fuck up because of him! I am so screwed and I had some part in the failing of our relationship I don’t want to deminish that fact but frankly I was not the biggest contributer to the bad bits. Frankly I did the most to try and keep that hsit together and he did fuckin NOTHING. 

I’m glad his mother lvoes him because otherwise he’s fuck out of luck y’all. Can’t even take care of his fuckin self. I mean I can’t take care of me neither but like...I’m better at it than he is.

I at least know how to run a household. 

DANCE FLOOR COVER OF I’M WITH YOU HOLY SHIT OKAY MY 13YO SELF IS JUST HAVING A MOMENT OKAY???

but yeah like...i fuckin...bent over goddamn backwards for a grown ass man who couldn’t function further than a 16 yo boy and you know they ain’t got self-sufficiency. I was the younger in the relationship but I was lightyears (yes i know it’s a distance) ahead of him maturity-wise.

is it so wrong to want to be taken care of, for once? I’ve spent my whole life caring for others and caring for myself. can’t someone care for me? just occasionally. id on’t really ask for much. I honestly just want someone to be cuddly with me and care about me. Take care of me when I’m sick like I take care of them when they’re sick. not ignore me, or brush me off when I’m talking, but understand when I’m needing time to myself.

Someone to sit with me and listen to music and drink and have a good time. Watch comedy specials and fun shows that we BOTH like. or at least show some interest in finding out what I enjoy and maybe giving it a try. Do you know how many things I gave up entirely because he wouldn’t enjoy them? so many. mroe than I want to think about.

I jsut...

I changed my life for him and I can’t get what I had back for a very long time and I am so MAD. but like at the same time...fuck him, you know?

like...he doesn’t deserve any emotional energy i’m putting into this. 

And...and the cats? Yeah...talking about that finally was a turning point for me. I’m still really fucked up about it but...I’ll move on. I lived so many years without anyone or anything relying on me and me not relying on anyone. I can do it again. 

Shit I’ve been more comfortable since i movd out. I haven’t even really felt lonely. I just...there are some aspects of a relationship that i miss even though some of them I never had in the first place???

so i’ve been missing them since before I was in a proper relationship? I’m 27 and I haven’t had a partner who gave a shit about me, ever. I have never had anyone have a crush on me and if they have then they apparently didn’t give enough of a shit about that to bring it up. I’ve had crushes on so many people and I’m terrible with secrets so anyone I’ve had a crush on has been told. 

and all of them are in happy healthy relationships. well. or halfway across the globe and I told them at the worst possible itme and I have like 0 chance because he definitely does not give a shit about me outside of frienship. but that’s fine.

it’s not but i’m going to pretend it is because...well...in some ways I’m more comfortable living in my fantasy world where i can maladaptively daydream about shit that will never happen because it’s easier.

anyway...

this has gone on for a lot longer than initially intended and i have no idea what iv’e written but i know it’s laden with typos. sorry abt that.

i love you all and you all are completely and utterly special to me. i hope you have a lovely evening/night/day and i want you to know that i care about you and your health and safety. don’t forget to drink water and get proper amounts of sleep for your situation. i love you <3

[swampgallows]

really feel like im gonna struggle to ever integrate into society. i struggle to chill w people my own age because a lot of them have careers n shit (i think... i guess? i dont really know actually lmao cause i dont talk to em) or theyre dating people and i cant really tell people what im up to because theyre condescending about it. “oh youre still into the rave thing huh?” yeah i’m “still into” it, sorry. you got two kids and a husband and youre living w your parents still too, that’s not a life i envy. id rather keep my ‘childish’ interests, thanks.

and i dont drink or do drugs so a lot of Adult Outings make me uncomfortable or are not right for me. and any time i want to find sober anything it becomes religious or recovery related, or it is considered exclusively for children. i have no problem being in the vicinity of alcohol but i dont want to hang w people while they’re using controlling substances because it sucks for everybody involved: they cant enjoy themselves because they feel self-conscious around me being the sober one, and then i feel bad for making them self-conscious but am also uncomfortable with them using substances around me. and of course i mean substances for the purpose of getting fucked up, not as medication. except in the case of weed which is a huge monumentally major trigger for me (whether i mentally prepare myself to be around it or not).

raves are the perfect blend for me. people who wanna get fucked up can, people who dont want to dont have to, and everybody is there to have a good time in their own way. they wear what they want, they dance how they want, and they generally dont infringe on anybody else’s good time with weird stuff like sexual advances or whatever. and if something like that is going down (like when RTC strips down and starts fucking on stage basically) you can always go somewhere else without having to sacrifice listening to the music or enjoying yourself otherwise. there’s generally outdoor areas (or people will let you in/out if it’s not the shadiest) to chill or if you need a breather, people are willing to help you, etc. i dunno raves compared to clubs or bars are vastly VASTLY superior. youd think id be able to stand the latter two since i rave all the time but i just cant (also because there is never any good music at clubs).

plus im not dating anybody and being ace is a shit and a half in terms of All of That, it’s another fuckin hang up on my perceived adulthood that im unpalatable or a freak or something is wrong w me if i’ve “gone this long” being single. sorry all the dudes who have been into me have been petulant children or massive abusive jerks and im not open enough about my bi-ness to be visible to women i dont think. either way im entirely de-sexed and this is the age where people are definitely fuckin, and fuckin with a PURPOSE. theyve all had like ten years of practice by this point (whether actually having sex or not, theyre just programmed to understand it) and so most people dont have time for a stiff like me who really doesnt give a shit about sex or ranges to even actively fucking hating it. i also havent developed feelings for anybody in a long time unless you count my tumblr crush (who im pretty sure has a partner anyway lmao and they seem pretty sexual actually so i dont think theyd, among many other reasons, give a shit about my dumb ass) and that can be really alienating too. 

my high school best friend got married yet to me i feel like the only development i’ve had since high school is Trauma and mental illness. like i developed dissociative episodes in the last few years whereas in high school i basically only had the chronic insomnia and hypnagogic hallucinations. i mean i certainly think i’ve developed AS A PERSON in HUMONGOUS strides since high school but i know people i knew then will just be like “oh you still do ‘the rave thing’ and play WoW, huh?”

like yeah, i dunno, FUCK ME for enjoying my interests. i quit wow when i needed to and im glad i did but it’s not WoW’s fault i entered a morass of suicidal depression in the years i wasnt playing. WoW had run its course at that time in my life. and at the latter end of that i was going to raves regularly, making the BEST lifelong friends i have ever had, and generally being part of something greater, part of a community that genuinely cared about me. i was working out further kinks with my ability to socialize and love and be open to people (as i will continue to do until i die) but i feel there is arguably a much larger capacity to love in me than before. so i still wear kandi, so i still wear black clothing, so i still prattle on about orcs and trolls. fuck off. at least now i dont hate myself and let myself get raped every day, at least now im not mindlessly swallowing and regurgitating actively racist rhetoric out of fear of confronting my parents’ hatred or by surrounding myself with the dregs of society, at least now i dont want to “sew up my vagina” because i detest my womanhood and the men who covet(ed) it

currently i play wow honestly like maybe twice a week. i went on a bender with diego my REAL LIFE FRIEND LMFAO (like what, stop enjoying time w your friends, it isnt grown up!) a few days ago and we played for like 6 straight hours which was pretty fuckin wild. i think about wow a LOT like TOO mcuh and all of my art recently has been wow-related but holy shit i am drawing at least 

since playing wow again (almost concurrent with when i had started my job) i did more drawing than i did in probably all 4.5 years of college, assignments or otherwise. i was drawing EVERY DAY, legitimately, even if they were just quick scribbles. and when i wasnt i was writing every single fucking day. and when i wasnt, i was READING. like FUCK me for having warcraft as a motivation to do fucking anything in my goddamn life. youre right, abandoning my interests and adopting ones i hate for the sake of appearing more adult is totally worth the mind-numbing soul-eating depression i crumble into without these silly safety nets.

like that’s all it is. it’s silly. raves are silly. video games are silly. “good luck getting laid” thanks i dont need it. “good luck finding someone who loves you” fuck you i have plenty of people who love me BECAUSE of the things i love, not “in spite” of them, not in some tongue-in-cheek “That’s our Swamp!” fashion. they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE TELL ME MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE PLAY MORE.” (that last one is about music, not warcraft lol).

but i mean i do worry about it, worry about being “too insular” as some critical piece of shit idiot put it to the point of being unrelatable. I dont want to alienate myself from people of course, nor do i want to get so wrapped up in fantasy that i lose myself. and that’s something i was tearing myself apart about during my episode earlier, just that “I have to get off the internet” because while i think and do all of this stuff, “Me” is just sitting in my bed rotting. Even when im drawing or up at my tables mixing i know it’s still just me, in my house, sealed off from the world, and i started having panic because i was telling myself “i want to go home” over and over but i am at home, i’m in my bed, but i realized of course that home is not in this house. home is many places for me, but it’s also why im SO enthusiastic about wow again: it is home. and believe me im getting wary of just how fucking much i am eating breathing sleeping dreaming (literally dreaming) warcraft because while i dont know if i was ever “addicted” i, again, dont want to be so swept up that i forget im a person (and with dpdr that shit is way potent). that and uhh i got shit to do, but mostly... it’s not real. and i know im setting myself up for failure and heartbreak again by yearning for something that cannot exist no matter how much i set my mind and hands to create it.

i feel hurt physically by the fact that there are “only humans”. i mean there are infinite different kinds of humans, but it’s more of an existential quandary than a yearning for an orc boyfriend or something. it’s why we dream up fantastic creatures and aliens in the first place: we’re not alone in the universe, are we? are humans really the only sentient beings out there? we can’t be. we can’t be. “they” say either option—that we are, or are not alone—is equally terrifying but i dont think so. sure we might fear violence or eradication from not being alone, but to know that we are? out of everything we’ve charted and studied, that we’re it? that’s... that’s death. and of course there’s going to be heat death or whatever they say in 6 billion whatever i dont know, so whether we’re alone or not is irrelevant because it will destroy our universe and what happens when there is no universe? and so of course all of this was compounding into panic, of course, of course, jumping from a dumbass thought like “i guess im not as into overwatch because it’s sci-fi but also theyre all humans” straight into “INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH”. so like, really, does it matter that i care about wow lore more than i care about marriage?

i mean, i guess i should have a career, but i dont really know what i could be capable of doing. i dont know if it’s mental illness or discipline or what but even if like metzen himself was like “come work at blizzard!” i would still probably just collapse into a heap of worthlessness and fear. 

i dont know what i fear. i guess i fear that im wasting my time, and by spending my time in another world i dont have to worry about how im spending time in this one. and that’s really, really bad. i dont like that.

i have to make this world worth living in. i have been trying. but i havent gotten very far. in fact, i took some steps backward.

from the edge of the cliff, so... i guess that’s forward in some ways.

[mslightningprime]

some late night thoughts while procrastinating on homework about video editing

I’ve been in the editing community of Transformers for 6 years now. I’ve grown up with some of the most amazing people of my life & I care about them so much & so I can’t help but to think these thoughts. If you two are reading this, you know who yous are, I am writing this to let you know what my thoughts are and hopefully yous see the support for others as well to give you the boost of confidence the two of you need.

so, for those of you who have stuck around with my channel for so long, you have seen me grow with my editing over the years. I started out shit, absolute shit. I was using Windows Movie Maker, I had shitty quality copies of TFP, IT WAS SHIT OKAY? About four videos in, I decided I wanted to start using Vegas. So I did. I had NO idea what I was doing. I was lost, confused, but I still had hope in myself. I was young, this wasn’t hard for me to find when you are naive. But only one person showed me the ropes in Vegas. She took me under her wing and helped me out. From there, I started getting the idea of tutorials on YouTube & I started self teaching. I edited & I edited & I edited. For a good two or three years, it was all I did. Because I was suffering for social anxiety, severe depression, and anorexia. It was all I had. Funny as it is, I strongly believed at the beginning of editing that this wasn’t going to be my career, I couldn’t handle the pressure. Now I’m an addict and I love the challenge. But I didn’t start feeling proud of my videos until my Animals video. & then I thought to myself.. “wow. i’m FINALLY getting the hang of this. I feel like I know what I’m doing, I’ve really progressed & it’s showing” & now to this day, I can gladly say that I’m fucking amazing at what I do. But my point is, this didn’t happen over night. I’ve been doing this for SIX YEARS. Yeah, I have a high sub count, but honestly, I don’t even look at the numbers half the time. I just love reading the comments and doing what I love most. I love editing, I love showing my passion, I love making a story. I never did this sub or sub shit that is going around. I never asked or begged anyone to subscribe to me. I did what I loved doing and it showed. It still shows to this day. I no longer feel a pressure to get an edit out because I edit when I feel like it. I edit when I have inspiration and I edit when I’m in love with it all, all over again. There’s no secret behind what I do and why I do it so good. I’m simply just doing what I love. I have a hard on for films, 3D animation, & some good ass fucking angles. god dayum do I have a hard on for angles. But I’m wondering if you all are seeing the point here. For a long, long time, I was ashamed of my edits. Fuck I laugh so hard at my old ones CAUSE THEY ARE SO FUCKING BAD. But I keep them up, because they show my progress. I have people playing my videos at work all the time. I proudly share my channel, because you know what, I am good at what I do. Sometimes when I share it to people, I strongly believe that I’m shit & I’m embarrassed. But then they look at my channel & go “WOW. you do this? this is AMAZING!” & I feel all happy all over again. I went to a party the other night & everyone was telling me I should make business cards for my channel. That’s where I’m at right now. I have so many people so proud of me. But none of this happened over night. There was a time when I hit 50 subscribers & i thought that was all I was ever going to get, but I was so happy. Now, gosh, now I don’t even look at the numbers. I just love communicating with this amazing fandom & sharing my passion with others. That’s what editing is about. I have an amazing support system and for that, I am lucky. Everyone I have encountered through internet and real life about my channel has shown massive support & encourages me. They truly enjoy my works & that’s something that really puts a huge smile on my face when I see them smiling at what I do. But if I was to sit there & question whether they were lieing or not & putting myself down, I wouldn’t get back to my computer and keep going. I may be friends to some of you, but when I say I really enjoy your edits, I REALLY FUCKING MEAN IT. I dont talk out of my asshole, I swear. I don’t think there’s a hidden message on why I do so well on my channel, I really just believe it’s because I have such a huge passion for it & everyone else enjoys that too. 

so for those that I love: stop putting yourself down. yous have worked very hard, I’m very proud of your edits & I support you all the way. Doesn’t that matter somewhere? Not only have you watched me grow, but I watched yous grow. We all adapted our editing together. So no, it’s not coping one another, we share and support one another. So, you’re edit looks like mine? SO WHAT. My edit looks like yours? DAYUM I FEEL GOOD NOW. I’ve got your backs all the way. We inspire one another. That’s how we got this far. 

& for those who only look at subs: Shame on you. That’s not what editing is about & if you are only looking at that, then pursuing this as a career is foolish. You are only taking away jobs from those who truly enjoy it. When I am working on a video, all I can think about is how it looks at the end. But now I’ve got people coping, and sub for subbing because all they care about is the subs. It’s shameful, degrading & upsetting. I’m proud to say that I’m not apart nor have I ever been apart of these shameful acts. If you really wanna get somewhere with editing, do it because you love it & you wanna see yourself improve. Not because you wanna be “famous”.