perhaps i'm being very autistic about this, but trying to figure out where i can contribute my time and energy is so hard because there's so many actually important issues. actually important ones. spreading yourself thin isn't helpful, but even if you tune out the roar of people demanding that you care about every last thing, the tug on my heart is still strong. probably another lie capitalism has pounded deep into our minds, that we have to do it *all* even. even knowing that many of these issues are inter-related, and doing the things you *can* is what's important and contribute to unraveling the greater fabric of bad shit. how on earth do you find that spot though? where you don't go mad going in mental circles about what you're *not* doing? idk i can't be alone in this?
I have an instagram post about this with regard to donating to Gazan fundraisers that you can read here.
Here's my take: when we get swept up in not being able to "do it all" or freeze up with complete inability to choose any cause to work toward because we can't decide which one is the most worthy, we are operating out of a highly individualistic framework that positions the self as the agent of change.
It might not feel like it is a self-centered perspective, but it's exactly the kind of isolated, self-as-savior, systems-ignoring outlook that a culture of capitalism and rampant Christian moral Puritanism conditions us to adopt (even if you're not Christian). I have a whole book about this btw.
I have felt overwhelmed with my inability to "help everyone" or address every cause before, and frankly the solution was to get over myself and realize that I have a very limited ability to make a difference and that simply doing my part is my only duty, not doing it "all". I have to trust that I am but one small, relatively insignificant human and that I am surrounded by literally millions of other humans who care and will pick up their small part of the work as well.
it doesn't matter that i select the absolute optimal ideal cause or place into which to put my energy, because frankly i am not important. i just need to show up and pick up some work. there will be plenty of work left for the next person to pick up.
It was absurd main character energy to expect myself to do everything or to be able to "save" people. And yet that was exactly the kind of moral burden I was putting on myself for a very long time. And it led to overcommitment followed by burnout, spreading myself thin, and most crucially failing to make any my efforts part of the work of an enduring, tightly knit COMMUNITY.
A focus on individual effort makes us neurotic, alienated, self-focused, lonely, confused, conflicted, and forever putting our energies into initiatives of limited value with limited potential for payoff. instead, choosing one little lane to do our own bit of work in -- literally ANY lane, so long as it is accessible and motivating to us and plays to our strengths -- will mean that we are actually making a difference consistently and connecting to others who are taking part in the work too.
we must do this work not to morally purify ourselves, which is not possible, but because we see something worth doing and we decide to get up and do it. the arena in which you choose to make a difference can be literally anything from donating to people's gofundmes to sharing other people's fundraisers to feeding your neighbors to blowing up a pipeline. it literally does not matter which particular choice you, specifically, make, only that you do something and keep at it at the pace that is sustainable for you. and trust that literally millions of other people are all around you doing their tiny tiny part too.
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It's my birthday in a few days and I got the bonten symbol right where sanzus is for my birthday. Could you possibly write a story of sanzu x female reader where she got the same tattoo to show she belongs to him?
Just Like A Tattoo | Bonten!Sanzu x Reader <3
Sanzu was a mess, as always. He was hard to keep up with, especially with all of the drugs and spastic things he would do. You loved the man even though he was a handful. Sometimes, out of the blue, he would question your loyalty to him - saying things like along the lines of whether or not you would do anything for him or even stay by his side forever. You promised him over and over again that he was the one for you, no matter what.
You had plenty of conversations relating to the topic of loyalty. Sanzu would understand and then be right back to questioning the next day.
"You promise me, y/n, that you'll forever be mine?" He would say in the car on the way home. He was driving all over the road while you held on to the side handles, breathing in and out for your dear life. He was high, as usual, but insisted on driving you both home. Him being overly emotional in this particular moment didn't help either. So you answered as calmly as possible, trying not to set him off as he was already driving all over the road.
"What do I have to do to prove my loyalty to you?" You ask as he continues to switch lanes, going ninety miles per hour down the freeway.
"I don't know, I just know that you're mine. Nobody else can have you."
Those words rang through your head the entire drive home. You had to find a way to prove to him that you were forever bound to him. Your body, mind, and soul belonged to him. You may not be able to do much about the mind and soul part, but you came up with the idea of giving more than just sex to him when it came to your body.
_____________________________________________________________________________
The next day while Sanzu was at work with Bonten, attending meetings and whatever, you decided to go to the same place they all went to get their Bonten symbols - a tattoo shop at the corner of an alleyway. It was a sketchy place to be in the first place, but due to your loyalty and need to prove it, you went anyway.
Alone, you sat in the chair as the man began to shave your forearm and prep the place where you would be getting the same Bonten symbol as Sanzu, right in the same place as his. You knew this decision was spur of the moment and the tattoo would be for life, but your loyalty to Sanzu would then be proven. You watched as the man placed the stencil on your arm and began to drag the tattoo gun across your skin.
You had thought about the pain and how much it would hurt due to it being on a rather sensitive place, however, you kept your mind on Sanzu the entire time. You knew this was going to make him believe your words and even make him happy. The tattoo needle almost felt like bee stings over and over again as you whined in pain. The lines weren't so bad, it was the shading and detailing of the symbol that made your face squelch in slight pain.
Once the man was done, he wrapped the fresh ink in second skin - a clear film that is great for fresh tattoo healing - and gave you instructions on how to deal with peeling and bleeding if need be. You nodded your head in response and went on your way.
______________________________________________________________________________
"Where have you been, baby?" He asked as you walked into your shared apartment. You were surprised to see him home so soon. However, he walked over and did what was expected - grabbing you by your wrist and dragging you to the sofa. Although the tattoo was technically on your forearm, the pain radiated down your arm so when he grabbed your wrist, you snatched it away out of instinct. He gave you a confused look.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just, did a thing today." You smirked at him. You were excited to show him your fresh ink. You were proud of it, since it was your first tattoo you had ever gotten.
"What did you do?" Sanzu asked, scared of your response. You then lifted up your sleeve to show him the tattoo you had gotten in bounds to him. His jaw dropped and it quickly turned into a bright smile as he slightly held your arm up to admire the tattoo you had gotten - just for him.
"Y/n... You did this for me?" He said, holding your arm gently as he knew you were probably still sore from the needles grazing your skin.
"I wanted to prove to you that I'm by your side, permanently." You smiled, hoping he would get the pun you had made. Sanzu was over the moon as he couldn't stop staring at the Bonten symbol on your arm. You had finally did it. You had proved your loyalty to him.
He knew that it wasn't just a tattoo, it was a symbol of love and commitment. He was proud of you.
(A/N: Sorry I'm a bit late, but Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy!)
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96, 28 and 43? Tav questions for Virranan
and
i'm pretty curious about 11, 37 and 40 for Emra
OH!
And if its not too much trouble,
Could i ask about Treble with 99
Thank you for the ask! These were really fun ones to think about!
[Tav Ask Game]
Virranan
28. What does your Tav think of Auntie Ethel? What do they tell Mayrina?
The first time Vir meets Ethel in the Grove he can tell somethings a little… off about her, but they’ve got more pressing matters to attend to at the time so they don’t look into it too much.
The second time they meet Vir has a full ‘I knew it!’ moment as she shows her true colors after he doesn’t side with her. He convinces the brothers not to go looking for her and with some nudging from Wyll and seeing her effect on the swamp, decides it’s for the best to dispose of the hag.
Although Vir is annoyed by Mayrina’s attitude after they rescue her, he understands that sad and desperate people often lash out and they still retrieve the wand for her. He does think briefly about breaking the wand himself so she can finally grieve normally but in the end, he brings him back and gives her the wand so she can make the choice herself.
43. What does your Tav think of Jaheira and the Harpers?
Vir loves Jaheria, she fits right into their little group of misfits, and her insightfulness and sense of humor are something that he can relate to. Her calm and levelheaded nature is also something that Vir appreciates, especially as things get more hectic and they need someone to knock some sense into them.
96. Does Lae'Zel remain loyal to Vlaakith, or does she follow Orpheus? Or neither?
In Vir’s canon, Lae’zel renounces Vlaakith and leaves to join the revolution with Voss and Orpheus.
After the first meeting with Voss, it's something that looms over their relationship - Lae’zel is leaving (whether she truly wants to or not) and there is a very real possibility she might not come back, but it's far safer for everyone if she does, no matter how much it hurts.
Emra
11. What goes through your Tav's head when they wake up on the Nautiloid? Are they scared or do they push those feelings aside to focus on escaping?
He’s not particularly scared, maybe more annoyed than anything. This isn't the first time Emra’s woken up in a (very) sticky situation like this and it probably won't be the last. He’s quick to push through and try to get the fuck off the ship and preferably out of literal hell.
37. Did your Tav go to Creche Y'llek? Did they know something was up with the healer?
He did. He didn’t want to, he left his people behind decades ago and had no intention of ever returning to them, but he knew there was no other way to shake Lae’zel’s unwavering loyalty to her people.
The moment they enter the Ghustil’s office Emra already knows how this is going to end. He’s been around long enough to know that the Githyanki’s only cure for a ghaik parasite is death, and if they did have another cure it sure as hell wouldn’t be at some backwater creche. He still lets Lae’zel get into the zaith'isk though, her faith is far too strong for her to get the reality of the situation without some direct consequences.
40. Did your Tav agree to kill the Guardian or did they go talk to them instead?
Emra had no intention to kill the Guardian, but getting a direct order from Vlaakith herself pretty well guaranteed the Guardian's life out of spite alone.
Treble
99. Did Wyll get freed from Mizora? Did he save his father?
Getting Wyll out from under Mizora’s thumb was Treble’s top priority as soon she learned about his contract. Freedom is incredibly important to her so there wasn't a chance in the hells that she was gonna let a good man like Wyll be stuck doing a fiend's bidding.
As for Ulder Ravengard, Treble’s opinion of him is… less than favorable, but keeping him alive is clearly important to Wyll so when they find him in The Iron Throne she makes sure he gets out safely.
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Fun fact: In the original pitch for Stranger Things, El had a little brother.
After being rejected by almost 20 studios for the Montauk pilot, the Duffers were finally green-lit by Netflix. It was at this time that they began casting and then writing the first season officially, which included reworking a lot of that first episode.
This led to the removal of the brother reference, and with it, removing any sort of arc El could have had about her apparent brother.
But the thing about this moment, is that it might not have been scrapped entirely...
Going into the final season, no one can explain why or how El recognized Will back in 1x02. And while there are plenty of things on the show that are left unexplained, with a small portion likely left that way with the intention to uncover it later, what sets this moment apart from the rest is that there are very few possibilities here.
Because for starters, the story presents El's ability to see people in the void in s1 as requiring either a picture of that person for reference, or having met that person before.
But when El see's this picture of Will, she's never met him before. Or maybe she has, but we wouldn't know because they never showed us. They could have just not done this scene at all, given that it's clearly a copy/paste/edit of something scrapped from the pitch. Or they could have even still included it, but explained it.
One explanation could be that the lab had shown El a picture of Will before, similar to what they did with the Russian agent they wanted to spy on. But then that begs to question, why would the lab show El a picture of Will? Why would they want to see what he was doing? That alone is incriminating in and of itself, implying that Will is more connected to the lab than we realize.
The only other, and frankly most likely explanation, would be that El stumbled across Will at some point on her journey between escaping the lab and Will going missing. This is actually something that happens in The Other Side comic, which explores all the things Will may have experienced during his time in the Upside Down.
Though it’s worth noting the comics aren’t technically canon, and I highly doubt they would outright spoil everything in relation to Will’s time there, years before it was intended to be revealed. But still, let's humor this for a moment given that I do think Will's time in the UD is going to be very relevant in s5, which means it's highly likely they will finally address how exactly El saw him.
Basically, in the comic, Will see’s El walking through the woods, almost apparition like, glowing as she passes by, while also sporting the Benny’s burgers shirt. This means they would have crossed passed within a short span of time, between when El escaped Benny’s when the agents arrived, but before she was found by the boys.
Though it’s worth noting that we’re seeing this all from Will’s perspective. This means from the UD, Will was capable of seeing El on the other side, despite them being on different sides. And not only that, but she also looks back at him.
What confuses me about this, is that it doesn’t make sense for El to be in the woods, only to randomly decide to pop in to the void for a moment. She was trying to escape the lab and everything that came with it. I doubt she had any desire to lurk back there for some reason, not until someone encouraged her to. Not to mention, it would make no sense for her to go there and see Will if she wasn't even looking for him in the first place. And so this would mean Will and El could see each other, with Will being in the UD, and El being on the other side.
While it does seem pretty far off, given that you would think Will and El wouldn't be able to see each other from different sides, it is true in the story that El not only recognizes Will, but knows that he is in danger. She mentions that he is hiding specifically.
Which means she has likely seen him within the last 24 hours regardless.
This, in combination with Will being able to respond to El in the void at the end of the season in Castle Byers, when no one else outside of Terry and flayed-Billy have been able to, seems to imply that there is indeed something special about Will that makes him capable of communicating with El from the UD. Not only that, but El also seems to have an ability to be in this constant knowing state of how Will is doing, without even checking again to confirm. She's just certain of it. And she seems terrified about it.
Going forward, El never uses a picture of Will to find him. She never did. And more often than not, they don’t show us what she see’s either, not until the very end. And that’s the moment they reveal that he was able to communicate with her.
Again, there was really no reason to have El recognize Will. If anything it complicates things. But the fact that they chose to introduce this concept, with a scene from the original pitch that was related to El’s younger brother, with her pointing at his name cryptically, startling Benny, only to revamp it and have El not say anything at all while pointing at the picture of Will, startling Mike… It just really makes you stop and think.
Which brings me to the other aspect of this that might have people doubting, which is that El’s brother was originally younger than her.
We know Will is not younger than El, so how could this apply to him?
Well, it might be helpful to consider that in the original script, El was actually 10 years old, while the boys were always 12. Meaning that for some reason, they decided to age her up to the age of the boys, aka the same age as Will…
Ever since @erikiara80 shared this brother discovery with me, I have been sort of reeling. It then led to other little discoveries of changes they made between Montauk and Stranger Things.
It’s important to understand that the Montauk bible and the original script precedes what we ended up with in the final product, with it finally changing and evolving months, maybe even a year since that original vision. Even casting occurred before writing started for the first season. We know this because casting announcements were made in June and August of 2015, with writing not starting until August going into early 2016, simultaneously while they were filming.
And believe it or not, what I've discovered is that a lot of the changes they made between their original plans and what we see in the final product, have to do with not only Willel, but also Byler.
If you've read the original script for Montauk, you'll know that Mike's crush on Jennifer Hayes was focused on right from the jump, along with the birthmark on his face being focused on, which was the main cause of the bullying he experienced.
This has actually been talked about recently, and some of the claims people make do fit with what I am genuinely starting to consider here, which is that the initial plan for what makes Mike an outcast shifted.
I think when they completed casting, and started actually deep diving into what they wanted this world to look like, both from a short-term and long-term standpoint, they were presented with some pretty interesting discoveries, arguably already hiding in their initial plans without realizing it.
And this is where it sort of becomes a 'chicken or the egg' situation. Because which one came first? Byler or Willel?
I can't say for certain, because obviously this is all just speculation. But in the case that Willel came first, I think Byler would come very naturally after that.
The Duffers themselves are twins. Then they hire Noah, who is a twin. Then they're thinking and planning for El's past and how her family all fits into this, and they're thinking... wait a damn minute... We could totally Star Wars this bitch!
And then when they think it couldn't get any better, they uncover another layer that they hadn't planned or really considered in their initial plans.
While Will was always going to have sexual identity issues according to the Montauk bible, meaning that the writing process for him likely involved sitting down imagining scenarios that encapsulated this arc for Will from the beginning, they were simultaneously now finding very interesting aspects of Mike's character that made it hard not to at least consider the possiblity that Mike is not exactly straight.
Just think about it. The Byers and Wheelers are basically polar opposites on the spectrum of what a family looks like. While Will's discovery and acceptance of his queerness is interesting to explore because he comes from a low-income, single-mom household, all while having been bullied for years based on his perceived queerness, he also has a mother and brother constantly reinforcing that they will accept him no matter what. They've been sort of hitting us over the head with it for years, and so it wouldn't be very satisfying for his entire arc to merely lead up to something we've known all along. It's pretty much a given at this point.
On the other side of the spectrum, Mike comes from a more upper-middle class family at the end of a cul-de-sac, more aligned with what a nuclear family looks like. Mike's family is also presented as being more conservative, and while Karen does give that very queer-coded speech to Mike in s1 (I'm convinced they only wrote this after deciding to explore queer-coding more heavily with Mike), it also comes with comments from Ted and even still Karen that hint that they are probably not as open-minded and accepting as Will's family is to him. Which means Mike's arc would be a lot more about acceptance around him from his loved ones who we have been led to believe might not be as accepting of his queerness in contrast to Will.
And so as they're putting this story together, and they're being presented with something very interesting. Two similar experiences that play out in different ways because of the characters circumstances.
Will goes missing, and his twin sister with a buzzcut pops up and has the ability to help them find Will.
This leads to several moments where El is being compared to as not only a boy, but Will as well.
Now suddenly, their initial plans to have Mike's arc be about having a girl be interested in him and to hopefully have his first kiss and feel like less of a loser, starts to look a lot like what the experience a queer kid in his position might encounter growing up in the environment that he did.
And if you don't want to take my word for it, just hear the Duffer's themselves hinting at what they initially planned for Mike and the fact that it changed.
The changes don't stop there.
Believe it or not, 'It was a seven', did not exist in the initial pitch. When the boys went outside bickering over Nancy, they leave right after that.
Another thing that changed from the first script, was Scott Clarke's introduction:
And so you might be thinking, who cares? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, it's interesting because the line we end up with on the show is arguably one of the most on the nose Twelvegate proofs to date. Mind you, this is from the first episode:
Why chuck the original version, which was arguably more interesting and fascinating in terms of it hinting at the mysteriousness surrounding this story, only to replace it with him listing off tips about their upcoming test?
Well, I think it's the irony of it all. Here Mr. Clarke is practically telling us where to look to figure stuff out for ourselves what is going on, with all the kids filing out and ignoring him...
I relate to Scott a litttle too much in this shot here, any time I try to drop Willel evidence.
And the changes go on, as they obviously would.
Things like Terry Ives not even being El's mom, but actually a man who more so aligns with the characterization of Murray.
And one very interesting one I almost overlooked was in Hopper's introduction, where instead of a kids drawing done by who we assume to be Sarah, we actually see a picture on the wall of him and his wife and daughter... Interesting that they decided to switch it something that is a lot less definitive in presenting what Hopper's past looked like...
If you've made it this far, congratulations.
If you still think I'm out of my mind, just remember that El was going to have a brother in the original script, but they scrapped the scene and gave a near identical one to introduce her connection to Will instead 😘
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#dang it do i have a new oc now
Sounds like!! I'd love to hear more if you've got it!
(referring to my tags on this post)
You will meet a stranger, sometimes, if you make a habit to frequent taverns, inns, halls for game, or even the one tree where the young Bracegirdle cousins sneak off to play marbles. Well, you will like as not meet many strangers, except in the last case, but this one will be different. Or perhaps you get lucky, and don't frequent such places, but find yourself in one unexpectedly, and meet them regardless.
Everyone in Gondor knows someone who knows someone who met Lady Luck, no one has met her themself. If you do, starry-eyed romantics say, you'll be blessed with good fortune for all your days. The pragmatists tell you you'll be blessed with the good sense to discern a scam.
He may smirk at you after winning a bet, some dark-haired man, using his earnings to buy a round for the bar. It's always a different man, but it always goes to Alwed's tab. It keeps the crowd from getting too rowdy, even if the more superstitious get on edge.
No one remembers meeting them the first time, but dwarves with common sense avoid Audr's shell games and silver-toothed smile- you always win, but it's never worth it.
A woman with greying-gold hair and stiff fingers might call herself Eadrun, and challenge you to a game of dice. Few decline, and far fewer win.
For as few elves remain in Middle Earth, the one who calls himself Herendil and laughs as though his name is a joke should be recognizable. He seems young and lighthearted in a way most have lost, but he will play you cards, win just as much as he loses, and disappear, never recognized.
A hobbit-lass may giggle, red curls gleaming in the sun, and introduce herself as Peony Sandheaver, her family is visiting from Bree, and she wants to see how Shire-hobbits play Jacks.
Sometimes an orc prays over a set of knucklebones, knowing that at least one god will hear one prayer. Orcs have little luck in battle, but uncanny luck with dice.
There are countless stories, just as many true as not. Countless names, far more unnamed figures, always just out of place enough wherever they are to be interesting and promise new tales, never enough to provoke suspicion, not at first.
Even those in the Blessed Realm may find this dark-eyed stranger. Always dark-eyed, like bottles of dark glass. They stop by Aulë's workshop on occasion, to learn and suggest and play new games. They never win the first round, but most have the sense not to bet anything they aren't willing to lose on the second.
Oromë's people call them Umbarnica with a laugh and a toast in welcome. They thrive in the drunken revels after a successful hunt, sharp as ever as they dance from game to game, cackling at ill-advised propositions offered as collateral for or against a bet. Usually this means them winning to avoid it, a frequent enough occurrence as-is, but every now and then they'll decide to let someone get lucky. The bragging rights are the real reward.
And there are no guarantees with this stranger. No way to ensure their favor, though many ways to get their attention, few good. They like irony, take pleasure in hubris reaching its fall. They love superstition, even if they don't always honor it, and they love stories. There are gods that can be mistaken for kind, they are not one of them, created to serve the king the Dark Lord could have been. Their favorites are fickle, their grudges subtle but long-held. They love cheaters, unless they're at the end of the attempt. They will always catch you, and you will always regret it. They slink through candle-shadows and pipe-smoke, grinning, dance in town squares turned to faire grounds, curl up on comfy chairs indoors on rainy days.
But sometimes, in these days, you won't meet a stranger at all. Sometimes your storyteller will get a bright-dark glint in their eyes, and some dice will roll strangely high and some dice will roll strangely low and either way the story will be better for it. And if the next time the group meets you need to take a moment to remind the storyteller exactly what happened last session, well. That's why you take notes.
So pray to the dice-god, card-master, quick-sighted. It might do you no good, but they love superstition, and they love stories. And when you play a dark-eyed stranger, don't cheat at cards.
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