#but theres A LOT who are super mean by being patronising and putting others down for not having the same opinion by condescending them

[rewritingcanon]

this is me after spending my night arguing with marauder stans on tiktok, calling them all npcs, calling sirius black and james potter overrated flops that get bodyslammed by golden trio characters (hermione, specifically), pretending to be a snape stan so i can argue with them more, and calling the band of ‘james potter stans’ an actual cult that he would bully irl if he did exist

[signetxego]

Okay so. I was thinking about things. Things being the flintseol dorm story. And idk now i’m Dying To Talk About It so here is a very detailed crash course on the Boys PLEASE talk to me abt it im begging you hit up my dms i’ll marry you

Under the cut for obscenely long post for smth with no actual writing.

When Ace loses his alchemy homework, Epel advices he goes to his classmate Blaise for help, who can find anything if he gets a good description of it. Ace, Epel, Deuce, Yuu and Grim find Blaise, who uses his unique magic to locate the lost homework.

Deuce is really impressed, and tells Blaise that a magic like that is super valuable, but Blaise becomes downcast and explains that he can’t find things unless he has a clear idea of what he’s looking for in his minds eye, so it only really helps him retrieve small things that he’s already seen. It never works for the thinks he’s looking for.

Blaise goes on to say that the dorm he is in, Flintseol, has a long-standing legend, one that has puzzled students since the founding of the dorm. The first dorm leader, before he left the school, hid a stash of treasure somewhere on the grounds, and a trail of clues to locate it. Over the years, nobody has been able to solve the puzzles and locate the treasure.

Grim and Ace her excited at the prospect of treasure, and ask Blaise if they can help him look for it, and split it between them, however Blaise gets annoyed and says that a true pirate doesn’t accept help, and he can do it by himself. He storms off, but Ace isn’t willing to give up on a legendary stash of treasure hidden, and suggests that they try and find it without Blaise’s help.

After school, they go to the library, to do some research and see if they can find any hints on where the first clue is. As they talk, they are overheard by a strange boy with a mechanical eye, who joins their conversation, and tells them it’s been years since students from another dorm have tried to find Flintseol’s hidden treasure vault. Yuu mentions that it’s odd, since surely students from other dorms, like Azul or Ruggie, would want to get their hands on something so valuable. The cyborg laughs, and tells them that the first clue is hidden in the Flintseol dorms, and it’s protected fiercely. An unseemly fate awaited all students who tried to break in and steal it, and so eventually they all gave up.

He says that over years, clues have been found and lost, their whereabouts gone forever. Pirates can’t be expected to work together, especially when treasure is involved. He encourages them to do their best finding the treasure, but once he leaves Yuu decides he sounded quite patronising.

The next day, the gang decide to sneak into the Flintseol dormitory, having stolen some uniforms from Vil’s stash in the pomefiore dorm. However, as soon as they set foot inside they find that it’s nothing like any other dorm, and they struggle to find their way around the complicated layout without disrupting any students. They’re saved from a run-in with some delinquents by Blaise, who pulls them aside after a time limit fight and asks them what they’re doing at his dormitory.

Blaise tries to convince them to leave, but Ace and Grim are determined to find the clue for the treasure. Blaise is torn, but eventually decides to sneak them up to the port, an area at the top of the dorm where most of the ships are docked. At the end of the largest of the rope bridges, is a single mirror carved into the floor, the first clue.

After looking around the mirrors on campus, Blaise thinks they should sneak into the dorm leaders room, since a mirror hangs in there. Blaise picks the lock and he and Yuu sneak in whilst the others stand guard.

They find nothing around the mirror, but Blaise’s attention is drawn to a folder slightly open. Going through it, he and Yuu find some old photos, moving back into sketches and portraits from the past at NRC. it seems to be the dorm leaders personal investigations into the treasure stash. They go from very old to very recent, and there are some of the current flintseol students.

Meanwhile, outside, Deuce and Epel are spotted by Inigo, who they mistakenly believe to be the dorm leader due to his strict way of speaking to them. They try to stall him, but he quickly realises they’re not members of his dorm, and drags them by the ears down the corridor, where he sees Blaise and Yuu leave Finnian’s room. He says that as much as he can’t stand finnian, he has to turn them in for breaking the key rule of the dorm, respect the captain above all else.

Inigo drags the group into the common room, and loudly announces that there are intruders in the dorm, and the dorm leader needs to deal with them. The commotion draws a huge crowd, and inigo uses his unique magic to trap the perpetrators in front of a portrait of a pirate holding out his hand, after Grim tries to make a runner.

Finnian appears, and Yuu is like ‘oh i thought i recognised u st the library it’s bc ur the dorm leader and were at the entrance ceremony. He laughs and seems pleased to see Yuu and the idiot gang, he gives them a lecture abt going through his stuff, although blaise retorts that he shouldn’t have left it lying around so carelessly. Importantly, he tells them that trying to follow the trail of clues will be pointless, since over the years students have taken clues for themselves and hidden them.

This angers a lot of the spectators, saying that the treasure must exist somewhere and they can definitely find it. Finnian laughs at their optimism, and tells them that their mindless enthusiasm is worthless without the drive to use your brain. It’s why none of them have overthrown him as dorm leader. At least Blaise was able to find the best hint there is left in the school.

He touches the threads binding them, and they shimmer and melt. He then tells them to start running, and not to drop the picture folder. Theres a rhythmic thingy where the idiots run away from the rest of the dorm, chasing them to try and get the folder for themselves.

They get split up as they run, and Yuu ends up with Grim and Blaise. After settling down, Yuu contemplates on how Finnian seemed totally different to when they met him in the library yesterday. Blaise says that his mood is pretty unpredictable, and he doesn’t take anything seriously. Grim asks what finnian meant when he said ‘none of you have managed to replace me as dorm leader’ and Blaise explains unique way Flintseol dork choses it’s leader. Apparently, the treasure hidden in the dorm was the puzzle set by the first dorm leader, so technically it’s the ultimate test to be ‘worthy’ of the dorm, but nobody really cares abt that, they just want that sweet gold.

Grim agrees that he just wants the gold, and prompts the other two to go through the folder from finnian’s room, to see if they can find out what he meant by ‘the biggest clue’ being hidden in there. They find an annotated excerpt from a diary, written by the first leader of the dorm. What catches their attention most is the annotation ‘surrender your physical riches to the spirit of adventure’.

At this point, Inigo finds them, and tells Blaise he always hides in this cupboard when he wants to get out of chores. Since they’re not technically breaking rules anymore, since Finnian let them go, he’s not going to fight them. Blaise shows him the excerpt from inside the folder, and explains that he’s not going to give up, and that he doesn’t think finding the treasure is impossible at all. If the dorm leader thinks that, then he’s not fit to uphold the spirit of this dorm at all.

Inigo starts to say something, but bites his tongue, and sighs, saying it’s not really any of his business as long as the day to day life of the dorm is ticking over smoothly. He explains the meaning behind the ‘adventurous spirit’ that Flintseol is founded on. The one-eyed cyborg who they follow the example of was a legendary pirate who followed a treasure map to the greatest stash of treasure in the galaxy, but in the end he gave it up to save a young shipmate who was travelling with him. Afterwards, he stopped seeking treasure, and traveled the universe alone, not bound by materialistic possessions, and instead basking in the wonders of the galaxy. Contrary to the popular image they portray, Flintseol aren’t pirates, they’re supposed to be explorers. Although, that ideal has been lost over time, as the dorms obsession with finding the rumoured stash of treasure has shown.

Blaise finds it upsetting that Inigo is so disillusioned with the other students in the dorm, and says that he never thought Finnian would turn out to be that type of person.

Inigo tells Blaise that Finnian isn’t someone he should look up to, he’s someone who can be pretty terrifying and toys with people to get what he wants from them. He’s clever, and Inigo gets the feeling he intended to leave that folder lying on his bed for someone to find, but he’s not sure why. Knowing Finnian, if there was a clue in there, he’d be able to crack it himself.

Suddenly, there’s a huge commotion outside, and the four rush over to the nearest window to see the rest of the idiots getting into a fight outside. Inigo rolls his eyes and says that they’re totally on track to getting killed, and instructs Blaise, Yuu and Grim to stay put whilst he goes and gets them.

Once he leaves, Blaise notices how quiet it is inside. It seems the commotion caused is so large that almost all of the Flintseol students have gone to watch. Yuu thinks it’s unnerving how bloodthirsty they are, and Blaise admits that things can be a bit rowdy at times. He looks down at the folder again, and reiterates how determined he is to find the treasure, and explains to Yuu why he was so eager to join Flintseol after Finnian overthrew his older brother as dorm leader. He wants more than anything to prove his worth, and puts his determination into his unique magic to locate ‘the spirit of adventure’ mentioned in the journal. To his shock, a green thread does appear at the end of his finger.

He and the ramshackle duo follow it to the main lounge where they had spoken to Finnian earlier, where it connects to the outstretched hand of the pirate in the portrait they had seen earlier. Blaise realises this pirate isn’t actually a pirate, he’s supposed to be the young shiphand who the cyborg gave up the stash of treasure to protect.

After thinking it over, Blaise solves the puzzle. As the cyborg achieved happiness through surrendering his ‘treasure’ to this boy, they must do the same to find the hidden treasure.

But what constitutes a treasure? Blaise admits that even though he is very wealthy, he doesn’t have anything that could be considered treasure. He tries handing money to the portrait, but nothing happens. Yuu suggests that maybe you need to give up a personal treasure, something that it hurts to part with. Blaise thinks of what it might hurt him to part with, and finally settles on an old, rusty compass. He explains that it was a gift from his grandfather, and was supposed to always point him back home, so he could explore to his hearts content without worrying about getting lost. He places it in the portraits hand, and the portrait moves to grip the compass. Blaise jumps away and the portrait stretches and turns into a huge door on the wall.

Going through the door and down some steps, they find a huge chamber filled to the brim with gold and jewels. Truly, a legendary stash of treasure. They take a moment to be happy, until the rest of the idiots come down the stairs and O.O at the treasure as well.

Grim asks why they went and got in such a huge fight, and Ace explains that it wasn’t their fault. They ran right into that creepy robotic dorm leader, who used wind magic exactly like his to attack some nearby students, and vanished as soon as the fighting started.

As if on cue, Finnian comes down the stairs behind the idiots, waving happily. He congratulated Blaise on solving the puzzle, even if he did need an awful lot of help from his dear dorm leader. Finnian says that he had discovered the secret to finding the treasure at the end of last year, and had debated over his to get a hold of it. The last puzzle was really unfair. The point of the trail of puzzles was to hammer in the belief that experiences are worth far more than material possessions. To achieve the ‘spirit of adventure’ and uncover the most sacred mystery of the dorm, you’d have to give up something physically important to you.

Of course, it was probably stupid of the first dorm leader to expect a pirate to change their ways. He didn’t care about the experience of a treasure hunt, or the reputation it would give him, he wanted the treasure! He wasn’t going to play along with the puzzle, and give something up, so he tricked Blaise into doing it for him. From telling Yuu and the others where to find the first clue, to leaving his folder out and hinting at the clues hidden inside, and finally to clearing out the dorm by starting a fight, so that when Blaise opened up the treasure vault, nobody else would be around to intrude as he snuck in after him.

Blaise is understandably quite angry, and says that was a horrible thing to give up his compass for. Besides, what does Finnian hope to achieve with this treasure? If everyone knows that he wasn’t the one that found it, what does he get from it?

Finnian doesn’t answer, as a loud rumbling sound behind in the background. Shouts can be heard above them. Finnian guesses that the first lot of students got bored of Inigo’s lectures and returned to the lounge, to see the newfound door. Sadly for them, they can’t get in, since his unique magic is holding the door shut. However, Blaise notes that a few students couldn’t be making such a noise by themselves, and when rocks start clattering down from the ceiling he realises the treasure room must be about to collapse down. They try to get through the door, but it’s been turned into a wall of silver. Blaise shouts through, and manages to communicate to Inigo on the other side what’s happening. Inigo tells them that if they break Finnian’s concentration, his unique magic will reverse.

They fight Finnian and get the door back to normal, and Inigo and the rest of Flintseol pour in. Finnian is trying to gather the treasure, and Inigo urges him to leave because theres no way he can take all the treasure before the room collapses. Finnian uses his unique magic to turn the walls of the chamber to silver, and try to forcibly keep it upright. As he expands his magic, the silver begins to cover the floor and grow up some students feet, pinning them in place. After exerting all this magical power and arguing with Inigo, Finnian overblots, and the squad have to fight him before he runs out of magic and the chamber fully collapses.

After the overblot we unlock Finnian’s Tragic Backstory TM, which starts with him as a tiny little kid helping his father care for his ailing mother, in a very run down, poor area of the city. His father promises that even though things are hard, as long as they all stay together, things will be okay, and gives Finnian a tiny, hand-knitted teddy bear to accompany him as he cares for his mother. Later, his mother dies, and as Finnian sits with her in her last moments, his father gets up and walks away. Finnian tries to run after him, but can’t find him, and when he returns his mother has passed away. He decides that whatever his father said was false, clearly ‘staying together’ and ‘family’ were not all that mattered. He left because they were not enough for him, and because all humans are selfish and want material goods to prove themselves. Finnian took to growing up on the streets, amassing as much wealth as he could through gambling and stealing, getting richer and richer every time he betrayed someone’s trust and took what they had for his own. The only way to be happy had to be through selfishness, right? But still, he didn’t feel any happier than he had when his mother was alive. So, he must be doing something wrong. He obviously didn’t have enough yet. Not enough money, not enough possessions. Not enough rare trinkets collected from across the land. He must not have been selfish enough yet, for simply no amount of treasure in the world could make him feel any happier.

When he wakes up, Blaise, Inigo and the idiots have dragged him out of the chamber, which has completely collapsed. Inigo scolds him for being so stupid and losing control, when he’s supposed to be the one who always has *everything* under control. Finnian comments that on retrospect, he should’ve predicted the chamber being set to self destruct. Why would a quest about giving up material possessions give you a huge hoard of treasure at the end?

He apologises to Blaise for losing his compass, and admits that the real reason he didn’t open the portrait himself was because he doesn’t have anything of value to give away, nothing he’s tried has worked. Blaise thinks back to when he was in Finnian’s room, and remembers seeing an old, knitted bear lying by the bed, and asks why he didn’t try something like that. Finnian says he only kept the bear to remind him not to get too comfortable around people, but realises that the real reason he hung onto it was because it reminded him of the happy times when he had a family, and all this time, it had really been his most valued possession. It’s enough to make him laugh, which causes him to fall backwards again, and get dragged off by Inigo to the infirmary.

As Blaise goes to follow, he catches a glint of gold in the corner of the room. The portrait on the floor is broken, and behind the frame sits his compass, untouched, and with a note behind it, old and worn, reading ‘congratulations for solving the puzzle. continue to search for adventure and happiness in the skies, and stay true to yourself.’ he pockets the message, and decides to show it to Finnian once he’s better.

A few days later, the idiots are invited back to Flintseol by Finnian, who has made a full recovery, and is as lively as ever before. Grim grumbles about how he’s hardly changed following his overblot, and is still a bit of a weirdo, and Inigo sighs and says that’s just his personality. Finnian invites them out, and the group fly on their brooms/hoverboard to the top of a huge cliff, where the view of the starts is completely beautiful, and Inigo informs them that hopefully they’ll be able to come and visit the dorm more often now that students have no need to protect the clues to the treasure. Although, he decides, looking over at Finnian, that whilst someone so unpredictable is dorm leader, they and he as well would probably be safer keeping themselves at arms length.

And tadaaah everything is fixed and the mystery has been solved!!!

[viralhottopics]

Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’

Drew Barrymore is back on our screens, this time as a flesh-eating estate agent. She tells Rebecca Nicholson about the endless ups and downs of her life from child star to teen rebel, and savvy producer to business woman and explains why shell fight to the death to be happy

Drew Barrymore walks into the hotel room in Berlin flanked by assistants, caked in heavy TV make-up and wrapped in a brown fluffy jacket that makes her look like a very glamorous teddy bear. Within seconds, the entourage has disappeared, shes wiped every last scrap of foundation from her face and shes rummaging around underneath her dress, a kind of earth mother hippy smock, regretting her decision to wear tights on this sub-freezing day. Why does anyone wear pantyhose? she exclaims, barefaced, faux-exasperated, shifting in her armchair, trying to get comfortable. Theyre so fucking sadistic! Theyre not even control pants, she says, conspiratorially, but Im forcing them to be.

For a lot of women, especially women who grew up between 1982 and the early 2000s, Barrymore is a particular kind of icon. Shes the accessible rebel we all wanted to be, or be friends with. Shes the child star of ET who hit the skids early and hard, and not only survived, but went on to be one of the most popular (and bankable) female stars of the past three decades. She appeared in, and often produced, the kinds of movies that are vital viewing for teenagers, from the trashy taboo-busting rebellion of Poison Ivy, to the triumphant high school romcom Never Been Kissed, to the moody angst of Donnie Darko. Plus, in her 20s, she seemed to hang out with the best bands, go to all the best parties and always looked like she was having the time of her life. She was the manic pixie dream girl before it became a tacky indie film stereotype. The memoir she wrote in 2015 is, appropriately, called Wildflower.

She looks genuinely pleased that she holds such a place in peoples minds, and decides that if people do like her, If anyone has any goodwill towards me, careful not to sound arrogant, its because she extends goodwill to other people. Not in an annoying way, but just, like, being in peoples fucking corners. Its this combination of soft and sharp, all wrapped up in that valley girl lilt, that has carried her through life. I want people to be happy, but I know happiness has to be fought for. Its a warrior trophy. Its not hippy, she insists. Im like, fight. Fight to the death to be happy, and dont kill anyone along the way.

Little riot grrrl: Drew Barrymore with Steven Spielberg at the age of five on the set of 1982s ET. Photograph: Everett Collection/Rex Features

Were in Germany to talk about Santa Clarita Diet, the new Netflix series which has brought her back into the spotlight again at 41. Its a warm and occasionally gross 10-part comedy about Sheila and Joel, estate agents who have been together since their school days, and whose marriage is tested when the amiable Sheila develops a sudden taste for human flesh.

I stopped working to have my kids and take care of them and raise them, and so I was nervous about working again, she says. I was going through a dark time in my own life. And then I read it and I liked it. Now what am I supposed to do? I cant do this right now, its terrible timing, my whole life is falling apart. She ended up executive producing it as well as starring.

That her life was falling apart out of the spotlight was a new thing for Barrymore, who had played out most of her life in a very public sphere. No ones talking about my life. I mean, yes, I had a divorce, but even that was real quiet. She split up with actor Will Kopelman, the father of her two children, Olive, four, and Frankie, two, at the beginning of 2016, but recently posted an Instagram of him running the New York marathon; she was there, with their daughters, to support him. It was like, Oh, they didnt work out, I wonder why? Oh my God they seem like such good friends, and so amicable, I guess well stop giving a shit. I was so happy about that, she says, breezily.

Warm and occasionally gross: Barrymore in Santa Clarita Diet. Photograph: Erica Parise/Netflix

In the midst of her divorce, Santa Clarita Diet was a transformative experience. Ironically, it wasnt the worst timing. It was great. It was really happy. It was a good summer. My daughters and I got to go out to California and I got three days off a week. Just as becoming a proto-zombie saves Sheila from the numbing boredom of domestic life, Barrymore went through her own kind of rejuvenation. I feel like Sheila. I feel like maybe I was dead inside, she says cheerfully, blowing her nose. I dont know. I was in a place in my life where I had gained a lot of weight, and been in a place of fear and sadness, and I felt stuck. I dont think thats so much unlike the character.

Until she took time away from acting to have kids, Barrymore had never not worked. She began her career at 11 months in an advert for dog food, quickly becoming the main breadwinner for herself and her mother, Jaid, who raised her alone. Her father John Barrymore, of the Barrymore acting dynasty The great line of loonies from which I come, as she puts it wasnt around much. Her extraordinary youth was public and well-documented. Her breakout role in ET, at five years old, was followed by an outlandish few years of childhood boozing and drug-taking, rehab and institutions, and the sense that, at 14, she was washed up and her career was over.

But it wasnt. She moved into an apartment by herself, got a job in a coffee shop, learned how to do her own laundry and, eventually, clawed her way back into the business, defeating the curse of the child actor where so many others have been lost. She has said her 20s were a kind of delayed adolescence. Now, in her 40s, shes had a lifetimes worth of parties and experiences, and says she doesnt miss it at all. I dont feel like Im not at the centre of things. I dont worry about career stuff. I dont worry about who the hottest band is or that Im not at that show that night. I dont care if the latest trend is happening and its just passing me by.

Star quality: Barrymore with Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels. Photograph: Image Net

Her idea of a good time these days is taking the girls to Disney World, or setting up movie nights for the kids in my daughters class. I just watched Home Alone and all the moms and I were crying at the end. Oh my God, its so good! I appreciate it now much more than I did when I was younger.

Shes too classy to be drawn into any child actor comparisons it would be patronising, annoying, no thanks, she says, nicely but firmly but we talk more broadly about celebrity scandals. Everyone goes up and goes down. Thats life. Nobody wants all of it looked at and discussed. However, if you do put yourself out there, then you need to be prepared for that to be examined and you have to handle it to the best of your abilities. So for people who are like [she puts on a whiny voice]: Dont look at me you put yourself out there!

Is there any way to avoid being examined and discussed? Not in this day and age. You just try to manage things in the healthiest way you can. And by the way? You wont all the time. Youre gonna fuck up. So fuck up, then pick yourself back up. But just be nice and kind and humble and gracious and have a sense of humour. And dont pretend to be perfect.

Golden girl: winning a Golden Globe for Grey Gardens in 2010. Photograph: NBC/Getty Images

Barrymore dealt with her own initial fuck-ups in an incredible and startling memoir, Little Girl Lost, which she wryly calls, The mea culpa book I wrote when I was 14. She appeared on Oprah with her mother to promote it, to go over what went wrong. You can watch it on YouTube; shes 15 going on 35. Yet the book has a cult following, in part because it makes all the partying she did as a young child sound kind of adventurous. Yeah! Its like an 80s cult tragedy book, which is super cool and wrong and fun all at the same time. Its a little riot grrrl, you know?

Theres a chapter where Barrymore describes being hauled off to an institution at her mothers behest, and shes furious at the starstruck guards. God, youve just yanked me out of my house with cuffs on, I thought, and now youre asking me what it was like to meet ET. What jerks, she writes. Even at 14, she had a disdain for celebrity. Still do, she says, today.

We meet on the afternoon of Trumps inauguration. She plans to watch it later, as shes a total news junkie, but she doesnt particularly want to talk about what she thinks of him. Im not a painter and Im not a musician and I think people dont want to hear it from actors, she says. I read this op-ed in the New York Times that was saying, just do things quietly, in your art.

Slasher: Barrymore in Wes Cravens Scream, 1996. Photograph: Allstar

Barrymore is more about the practical. During her screen break, she wrote Wildflower, which became a New York Times bestseller, and shes built a sizeable business empire, including Barrymore wines, a production company, Flower Films, and beauty brand Flower Cosmetics. All of which channel some of that free-spirit warmth into profits reports suggest shes worth $125m. Theres a line in Santa Clarita Diet where Sheila announces: I sleep two hours a night. I get so much done! It struck me that for Barrymore, spinning so many plates, that might be funny. Actually, she says, it was originally written that Sheila would use her spare time to learn French. Me, in my real life, would spend time learning French. This woman literally has a ticking clock on her mortality. Shed be studying fucking Bruce Lee moves and learning to do shit. The line was changed at Barrymores request: instead of learning a language, Sheila would get the ability to parallel park in one move. Im, like, yes! Thats practical!

Its strange to see Barrymore, who seemed to be an eternal teenager, starring as the mother of a teenager in Santa Clarita Diet, partly because her fame is life-long, and you can see interviews with her at almost every age on YouTube. But, she says, she never watches them, never goes back. Hell no. The only thing I ever think when I see myself when Im younger, if Im on a talk show and Im stuck there having to watch clips, is that I was so much more brassy when I was young. Im like: Where do you get the balls, kid?

She says it as if those balls have disappeared with age. She claims shes much more polite now. Sarcastic, but polite. And worse still, she tries to say shes newly dull. In my life Im just so quiet and boring, she declares, not entirely convincingly. This is Drew Barrymore, after all, who talks with the hunger of someone who will always be on the lookout for something new, whether thats being a mother, a businesswoman, or playing a friendly estate agent who kills and eats bad people. I am pretty boring, she insists. I tell her I dont believe it. She smiles slyly, and leans in. Theres a rebel in her still. Im not sure I believe it either.

Santa Clarita Diet launches on Netflix on 3 February

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from Drew Barrymore ‘I don’t pretend to be perfect’