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myvoicenottheoneyougiveme · 3 years

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You can admit that I know so much about it, but you can’t acknowledge the truth in anything I’m saying. I was waiting for you to acknowledge or at least concede in some measure that these pathologies are part-and-parcel to the bigger picture in your own life and mine by extension.

Short of that, I attempted to agree on at least one point--the thing you acknowledged already--that our aims in life are exactly the same. We’re both working on the same things in ourselves (or were). Integration, the opposite of compartmentalization. Integration followed by precise repair.

You claim things for yourself like “boundaries” and “healing” and the rest, but you deny me the same things. You have some other idea about what I’ve claimed for myself when they are are no different than the things you’ve been striving for in yourself. There is a path to follow, and it is the same regardless of the context that’s prompted said healing work.

All you could say in the face of reason was, “Well if nothing ever changes [...]”. That round-about underhanded play within “this” wasn’t something I was expecting. I thought we were talking about psychotherapy.

What I’m trying to understand in the face of that odd statement that had no context within what we were talking about on account of being yet another underhanded delivery of “this” abuse, is ...BY WHAT METRIC has nothing changed?!

But isn’t that just the gaslit narrative that was ever fed to me, the moment I started standing up for myself in the face of it? The noose to tighten then as I pulled against it. Fate sealed? PROOF of my villainy, the “straightening of my spine” as it was said then. Oh, how uncooperative Doctor House is in the asylum. That episode you played every god damned time I came to visit. I know all about what you think of me, but I’m trying to understand what the hell it is that gives you the right to dictate to me WHAT IS BEST FOR me? You said it before, already. Actually, I did, and you got that contorted facial expression when I said it. People that get roped into a thing like this believe many things, as many things as there are different kinds of people. What would one monkey for the wicked witch tell themselves? It’s for his own good.

By what metric has nothing changed? Much has changed. SO goddamned much. But it hasn’t been the change that a control freak, who desires power, is looking for. The kind of change has been the true kind--the real kind. It has been a clearer and clearer definition between myself, between the inside of me and what is outside. The change has been a loss of power for the kind of person that does “this”. More grounded in oneself--more at peace with oneself--more compassionate and more accepting--when more at home in one’s own skin, the power others have over you diminishes.

What change are you looking for? What change? To be reduced completely finally and once and for all into a heap? Clay in another’s hands? Or to cease to be entirely?

What is the evil that I am, that you wish to see obliterated? What is it that I do that is such a detriment to people around me? Aren’t the milllion and one crises, always always always, wild goose chases? But the fact that the mob is mobilized time and time again, is that all that matters? Is that a reflection of me or a reflection of how manipulative a liar my stalker(s) can be? That person or person(s) who are nothing without a crisis to sell themselves as the solution to. By virtue of the hollering and shouting FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE OH HOLY SWEET BABY JESUS THE WORLD IS ON FIRE, like the kid that cried “wolf”? By virtue of the fact that someone somewhere takes issue with me personally and has made it their mission in life to dictate life to me? By virtue of what that person says? Things that are no better than a roulette wheel or just what is nearest within reach to twist and distort? By virtue of the fact that that person keeps finding things to cry wolf about? Even if they have never NEVER once panned out?

What is the change you are looking for? I’m a survivor now. I’m a survivor of something I never thought possible in my wildest dreams or my darkest nightmares. And the toll on me is without measure. Yet I survive. Yet I keep finding the will to live. Yet I somehow manage to inch my way forward in life despite every chain you try day in and day out to lasso around me.

Much has changed. If “this” had been back then, what it is now, I’d be dead now. I can guarantee that. It is only by virtue of what is right about me and by what has been healed already, that I’ve found a way to keep going.

You would wish to deny me my life and my right to forward motion and my right to the very same things you are trying to claim for yourself? Because... I have only become more unruly and uncooperative? What is your definition of unruly? What is your definition of MY GOOD, FOR MY OWN GOOD? What is your definition, what is YOUR GOAL, what is your aim in all of “this”? DO you have one?! Or aren’t you always just moving the goal posts to keep “this” thing going?

My path forward in life is clear, and it starts with the end of “this”. I will find a way forward anyway if I can, but the path forward is clear. It’s clear. I don’t understand by what metric you claim that “nothing has changed” or that I’ve gone in the wrong direction to warrant such escalation as “this” has become these last several years.

I don’t understand by what metric you justify yourself/ves. I don’t understand. I don’t understand when you have done everything in your power... to BREAK ME DOWN and nothing more.

Therapy and healing has nothing to do with making others comply with what we want or what we expect. It has nothing to do with control or dominion. It has everything to do with power over ourselves and a sense of agency in our own lives. With the power to make a difference in your own life, the power to affect change, the power to make decisions, the power to go this way or that way, you are the master of your own destiny. You are not at the mercy of the winds of change or the circumstances of your life. You are resilient. You are grounded in yourself as much as humanly possible. You are not waiting on others to give you what you should be giving yourself.

By what measure my well-spring sustains me, you have escalated to its undoing. And by what course I have charted with clear guides to where I have to go, you have seen to blocking my path at every turn with everything you can muster.

...You have a narrative that must be upheld at all costs, even at the cost of the virtues you claim on any given day as justification for “this”. The ever moving goal posts and the fog of war mean there is no combating or challenging the foundations of what "this” is built on.

Much has changed. It’s just not the dominion over me that you were looking for. I claimed that power over myself and will die before I surrender it to the kind of bully that could author a thing like “this”--narcissistic abuse.

And I think I just realized what the ending of FLCL meant or have at least been reminded of it. Forget the melting for her that made the hard sharp turn at the very end to counter all that led up to it. It’s what she was always trying to claim for herself from up out of him that he instead claims as his own. “THAT POWER IS MINE” she said as they clashed.

It was never yours for the taking, even if I was a boy once who tried to give it away to someone I valued more than myself. I took it for myself in the end. My own right to my own life.

“This” was the result. An escalation beyond belief. Don’t ask me what was done or who did what to justify such an escalation, but it’s happened all the same.

How can you say, nothing’s changed?

And how, when you have done everything in your power hold me down and freeze me in place? Change has come DESPITE you, even if my pace these days has slowed to a crawl pressing up against the sides of the cage you’ve worked so hard to erect around me. All I do, everything I’ve worked for is the pushing of those closing walls back out and away from me.

You aren’t interested in my well-being. You never have been.

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erratic-euphoria · 6 years

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She steps outside into the real world and out of her comfort zone

Inhaling fresh autumn air

Dizzy from how hungry her lungs were for the ability to breathe

After starving her body of what it needs to stay alive for too long of a time

Drowning in gallons of self deprication

She doesn’t ask about you anymore

Regardless she receives unsolicited information about your well being

All her friends tell her you’re better than ever

You’re thriving

Her soul tears yearning for the same

But there is no antitode to your poison

She is slowly dying

Stepping one heel in front of another

On uneven roads with loud men

Making noise about short skirts on windy days

Confused by what makes her body seem like his property

Entitlement is a thin red line of lipstick drawn on foreheads of those

Who have mistaken polite smiles for an invitation into a women’s temple

They enter without ringing the door bell

The culprit of wobbly knees and eyes that lose their sparkle

“Maybe he knocked and you couldn’t hear him”

A neighbour would knock and leave if there was no answer

Who made the rules for him different?

He opened all the cabinets aggressively scowering for a cup of sugar

He left a mess of the kitchen

Wind knocked out of a girl once vibrant and whole

She ran to her sister with lips as chapped and dry as the Sahara desert

She guzzled down water faster than she could swallow

Later on throwing up apologizes and last nights bitter dinner

The walls of her home were knocked down

Her curtains ripped to shreds

Glass windows shattered into a milllion tiny pieces

Symbolizing the damage

Leaving a hurricane in place of her vase

Now containing unwatered and withering tulips

Trying to use a broom to clean up the shards

Of who she once was

She was bleeding anyway

So walking on glass felt almost like nothing

Those in her tight knit circle see the black under her eyes

They see her smile fade quicker than the sun on a winter day

She doesn’t speak about her nightmares

Waking up drenched in sweat

Feeling as if he’s back beside her

She wants to talk about it now

But the judgement supercedes her attempts at healing

Her mother asks her if she was really just drinking water out of that champagne glass

Was she being too nice

Did he really confuse a women’s knee length skirt

For a request for him to come home with her

Nausea takes over and her hands move strategically to cover her body

As if merely existing is a sin

Pace speeding up when a shadow is seen behind her

In broad day light she stops and looks over her shoulder

Fearfully

Tearfully

Praying this time she’ll keep the door locked

Turn the lights off

Keep quiet and pretend like nobody’s home

Because if her body is an abandoned warehouse

Maybe she will have nothing fascinating enough for the intruders to come and steal

Still keeping up a fast walking pace

Cyclists angrily ringing their bells

Jumpy yet serene knowing

A year ago she wouldn’t dare roam this town alone

Her fears stemmed from deeply rooted recollections of past events

Hands and knees bleeding as a clumsy child

Hateful towards the pavement for being too rough

Too naive to see that the bruises from the ground

Would be irrelevant in comparison to the traumatic memories

That were warm eyes and sly smiles

Of those she blindly trusted and held onto

Lie after lie she told her my mind for you

Between 2 am of slurring I’m sorry to her mother

Hello’s making her heart flutter

Holding on

Tighter than the handles of her bike that she fell off

Handle bars ironically couldn’t handle her weak limbs

Neither could the lovers she cut herself open for

Too many times

Bleeding comes before healing they say

She has been bled dry

If that’s the price to pay to heal

She would gladly kneel to pray

Inhaling the fresh autumn air

Finally believing she will indeed be okay

#spilled poetry #spilled writing #writers on tumblr #my words #mine

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markdecastroweb · 4 years

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Which lottery winner are you? A tale of two players

Willie Winner and Larry Loser both won $10 million jackpots at the same time.

And, as you might guess from their names, they both did different things with their winnings.

Larry had always envied the rich. Now was his chance to live like them. So what do the rich buy, he wondered?

The latest copy of the Robb Report magazine showed him:

A seaside mansion

Several expensive European cars

A luxury yacht

Lavish tropical holidays

Larry wanted it all, so he went on a spending spree, and it was fun while the money lasted.

But he wasn't prepared for some unusual problems.

First, his house cost more than he expected. You don't get many serious mansions for less than ten million these days, and this one cost half his winnings, $5 million.

He found it a couple of miles back from the beach. It was selling at a discount because it only had a 2 car garage, and most other buyers wanted a 4 car garage.

A bargain, surely!

And Larry didn't think twice about plunking nearly $2 milllion down at that fancy city showroom for a Ferrari and several other high-end vehicles for his family.

Pity the Bentley had to stay outside in the fierce Florida sun all year round because of the lack of garage space.

And so his new life began. He booked vacations on exotic islands, taking along most of his family members - and the many friends he had managed to make since his win.

Willie looked at his windfall differently.

He didn't even wait to collect his $10 million dollar check. He asked the lottery people to put it straight into a deposit account at his bank. And it was locked up so he couldn't touch it for 3 months.

Then he and his family sat round the kitchen table one night, and made a wish list of everything they wanted out of life.

They reviewed the list on the same day every week. And each time they met, they crossed off some items that had lost their appeal, and added other items they wanted.

For example, Willie's wife would have liked expensive diamonds and jewelry. But as Willie said, diamonds don't go up in value. And they also advertise the fact to others that you've got money... not the wisest move to make in recessionary times.

So gifts of diamonds were crossed off the list. And after a while they became not so important.

Gradually - over the 90 day cooling-off period they had given themselves - the list settled down and reflected what Willie and his family really wanted.

When the time was up, Willie got moving.

He visited his bank and moved his money into long term deposits so that it was earning some serious interest. Turned out this move would return them almost a million dollars a year.

Then he got a mortgage guaranteed by the $10 million capital he had locked up. That bought him a nice house in a good area.

The beauty of this strategy was that part of the interest he was getting now paid the mortgage off each month. And it still kept his ten million dollars intact.

There was plenty more spare cash coming in from the interest payments, and over the months ahead Willie used this to buy the cars and furniture they had planned for.

Fast-forward two years later...

The two winners were facing entirely different futures.

Larry was broke. His mansion was costing a fortune in maintenance - as most large homes do. And he had run out of cash to maintain it.

As well, he couldn't sell this house either... the small garage and distance from the water was only a couple of the problems in his poorly researched purchase.

Ever heard someone say they are asset rich but cash poor?

That was Larry right now.

He was cash poor because all his capital was tied up in his possessions, and none of them produced an income.

Worse, his expensive cars - like the new Bentley that cost him over $300k - were only worth half that amount now because of new-car depreciation.

And the dealer would only give him a fraction of the new price to buy them back.

Larry wasn't used to keeping expensive automobiles, so his cars were never cleaned or serviced.

The second-hand price reflected their poor condition. Way low.

But he had vacation memories, right?

Wrong.

The Caribbean vacations were great at the time. But all those expensive weeks for his dozens of so-called friends in 5-star hotels on the beachfront had cost him a lot of his winnings.

He had also celebrated a lot at the time, and the constant drinking had made his memory hazy. In a few year's time, he would remember little of those exotic trips.

On the other hand, Willie - to his surprise - found his net worth had actually increased.

He was worth almost $1,000,000 more two years later... and that was on top of his winnings.

Not only was his house worth 10% more than he paid for it, but since the mortgage was coming out of the interest on his capital, it was costing him nothing to pay it off.

And he had also paid $300k off the house with 'free' money plucked from thin air - his $10 million winnings, which were still sitting in the bank.

It got even better for Willie.

Because he had bought cars that were already one or two years old, unlike Larry he avoided the heavy depreciation loss.

But the best was to come...

Willie's income stream was never going to end. He would never have to work or worry about an income again. He was set for life because he had got sound advice and used a bit of common sense.

Can you see yourself in this story?

Are you a Willie or a Larry? (Sorry to exclude you women - use Wilema or Lara if it helps you there).

Could you plan well, as Willie did? Or will you squander this once-in-a-lifetime chance? You generally only get these kinds of opportunities once. Pays not to mess it up.

So what will you plan to do this week to start your winning streak?

dear Ken,

Once again I got another prize using the Lottopredict. This time it was all up $27,000.00 from 3 tickets over the last month and I cant thank you enough for the opportunity to get winning tickets all the time. Deidre S.

Which lottery winner are you? A tale of two players published first on https://188lotosite.tumblr.com/

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caroline18mars · 7 years

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Into the night - Chapter 99

Last effort..

“Did you see her? How is she? Is she ok?” Jared came racing up to him the minute he walked back inside the house, Tom didn't even want to come back here but somehow it felt wrong not to, despite her plea to stay with her. “Yes, I saw her, but she's far from ok” Tom grumbled, he hated how helpless he felt again, being in this house where Charlotte's memory still bounced off the walls, his tense relationship with Jared, not being able to do much for his friend, it was really getting to him. “This is fuckin' ridiculous, I'm going over there” Jared had enough, what the hell was he still standing around here for, feeling completely helpless and guilty for letting things escalate between them to this extend. “Oh no, you don't! She only asked for her medication so if you point me in the right direction, I'll go get them and give them to her” Tom snarked at Jared who stood there like he was nailed to the floor, “I'll go” Per who had clearly overheard their entire conversation, appeared from the kitchen. “Who the hell are you?” Tom frowned at the younger man who didn't even bother to look at him. “I'm her nurse, I'll go get her things” Per hurried back into the kitchen and as soon as he had dissapeared, Tom turned to face Jared, his initial anger started to crumble seeing him stand there looking completely lost, his body trembling. “Look..Jared, I'll talk to her again..I won't promise anything but I'll see what I can do to get her to change her mind, ok?” he breathed as he watched Jared's face start to gain a little bit of colour again “oh ok!..thanks Tom, just tell her I love and miss her very much..I just want to talk to her, that's all..”. Jordan plodded to the frontdoor but when she opened it, she wished she had kept it closed “Per..I just needed my pills” she breathed heavily, she so wasn't in the mood to have that creep fussing over her again, everything about that man bugged her, she couldn't quite put her finger on it, but her gut screamed to run as far away from him as possible. “Are you kidding me? You don't just need your pills, Jordan, not in your condition, you need someone to look after you, I don't think you realize the seriousness of your situation” Per pushed past Tom and headed straight for the living room. Tom could see the despair on Jordan's face even though she tried to hide it “wow, what the hell is his problem?” he hissed as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him, “tell me about it, did Jared send him along?” Jordan sighed. “Jordan?” Per put his head round the livingroom door, looking none too pleased with her, “alright, alright” she huffed but walked over to him anyway.

On the other side of the fence Noah found himself alone after his friends had all retreated to their rooms to sleep off their jetlag, and so he walked out to the garden looking for some company, he missed his aunt so much and even though his friends were all here, the only person he wanted to cuddle with and talk to now was his aunt, there was only one person he could have so much fun with and the only one that he could get into mischief and have little secrets with. She was his mommy and daddy now, no she was better than his mommy and daddy because she was always there for him, she always put him on number one and took him everywhere she went, except for now.. Jared sat by the pool, staring out over the rippling water and his garden when Noah crawled on his lap and nestled himself against his chest without saying anything, the boy just closed his eyes and held on to his big friend. “Is Victor asleep?” Jared whispered as he looked down at the miserable little human bundle on his lap, Noah just nodded, he knew exactly how the boy felt, miserable, just like him, why couldn't she see how much she meant to everyone? That stubborn streak of her, it was doing his head in, but despite his own broken heart he tried to lift the boy's spirits “do you want to go swimming?” he cradled Noah in his arms but the boy just kept shaking his head..if even swimming didn't cheer him up then it was hopeless. “Look at us..” he took a sharp breath as he put his chin on top of Noah's head “I mean, before you came along, I didn't even want to have kids, didn't even want to think about them” he got lost in his thoughts, daydreaming over his not so distant past. Noah's little hands suddenly folded around Jared's underarm, caressing it like he wanted to urge him to continue, “and now..I can't even imagine not having you around” Jared breathed looking at Noah's small fingers that were caressing the tattooed skin on his arm. “I wish I had a brother, why don't I have a brother? You have a brother, and so does aunt Jordan, he was my daddy you know, so why don't I have a brother?” Noah was clearly thinking out loud, “Uhm..I don't know, that's a question I can't answer, that's something only your Mom and Dad could have answered” Jared mumbled, a bit taken aback by Noah's awkward question and there was more to follow. “Why can't you and aunt Jordan buy me a brother?” Noah pulled his head away from Jared's chest to look at him, “Buy you a brother? Oh buddy, you can't just go to a store or something and buy a baby..” he paused for a few seconds when he saw Noah stare at him incredulously “..do you know where babies come from?”. Noah frowned for a second and then shook his head, never in a milllion years did he think of ever having to have this kind of conversation with a 5-year old, “ok..well..when a man and a woman really really love each other, they..uhm..can make a baby together” Jared tried to keep it simple for him. “They 'make' a baby?? but how? Is it like my Lego?” Noah stared at him like he had lost his mind, “What? Lego? Oh no buddy, it's definitely not like Lego.ok, so..you know how sometimes grown ups want to have some time alone and get all cuddly and snuggly with each other?” Jared calmly said, “Just like you and aunt Jordan do? You're always kissing her and stuff, and then she has that weird look in her eyes, and you touch her all the time?” Noah nodded. Despite his misery, Jared couldn't help but grin seeing the disgusted look on Noah's face, “yeah..just like your aunt and me..anyway, after they get all snuggly, the man will want to give the woman a special gift, because she's got something the man needs so he'll put a tiny cell of himself inside of the woman's body where she will keep it safe in a special part of her tummy so the tiny cell can grow into a baby until it's ready to be born”. Noah looked at him like he had just seen an alien, “really? ewww!!! that's gross” he said in disgust, “but if you and aunt Jordan kiss and snuggle all the time, how come you two don't have babies yet?”. Jared bit his lip, what had he gotten himself into? “well, you have to both really want to, I guess, and your aunt Jordan and I..well we haven't discussed that part yet” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I miss aunt Jordan, I wish she would come back” Noah nestled himself against Jared again with a sigh. “Me too, buddy, me too” he put his chin on Noah's head as he wrapped his arms around the boy again.

”Look, I know what I said about Jared earlier on and I sure as hell am not picking his side in this, but you're going to have to go back and talk to him some time, Jordan! You can't just stay and hide out here forever, there's Noah to think of too” Tom breathed exasperated, sometimes she could be so stubborn “in fact it's high time we all sat down together and talked about Noah's future and everything you put in that letter”. Jordan just felt so numb, she could hear what he was saying but she had to struggle to get the words out, “Why? I thought I made it pretty clear that I want you to take care of Noah when I'm gone”, Tom shook his head “but you're not dead and you know I can't take care of Noah!”. Jordan couldn't believe her ears “Can't or won't?” she snapped, all her hopes of avoiding that Noah got into his grandparents' claws were crumbling one by one. “I can't, Jordan, ok? Sure I want to be his guardian or a godfather or whatever, but I'm not a father figure and you know it, with my career and everything, or the lack of it, besides Jared is already doing a much better job at being a father for that little man than I ever could” Tom spat back. “Lack of it? What do you mean?” Jordan picked up on the detail in his little rant, “I quit, alright? I quit my job!” Tom shrugged, “you quit? But..Cedric..he just let you go? He told me you were his top designer” Jordan frowned. “His top designer?? We all know who his top designer was, that was Charlotte, she put the label back on its' feet, not me, I was just a copy cat..I didn't even have a fragment of her talent..no, It's something I should have done a long time ago, besides he's not even gonna care, no-one's seen him ever since you exposed him in that custody case” he huffed. Jordan didn't know what to say to that, she was just too tired to deal with it, she could literally fall asleep where she sat. “Tom, I really think you should go, can't you see she needs her rest?” Per casually walked into the room and cocked his head at Tom who in his turn looked at Jordan who was struggling to keep her eyes open “Ok, yeah..I'll..uhm let you get some sleep, just call me if there's anything you need, ok? And I'll come by with Nahla tomorrow morning, just think about what I said, ok? Please? Noah couldn't be in better hands..Let's just all sit down together tomorrow and talk about this ok?” he got up to kiss her forehead that faintly nodded but he was pretty sure she hadn't even heard him.

”Is aunt Jordan alright? Can I go see her?” Noah came running up to Tom as soon as he walked back inside Jared's house, “She's alright, but she was very tired so she's sleeping now, but you can go see her in the morning” Tom ruffled Noah's hair when the boy's bottom lip dropped in a dissapointed pout. “Jared..can we talk?” he softly said as he looked at Jared who seemed equally dissapointed “in private”, Jared just nodded and walked out into the quiet kitchen, Tom closing the door behind him. “What did she say? Is she ok?”, Tom could clearly see the tremble in Jared's hands as he put them behind his back leaning against the kitchencounter and for a second he could have sworn time had stood still and they were both whizzed back to a year earlier. “No she's not, I've never seen her like this, something's not right, Jared..” Tom breathed, shaking his head, “what do you mean? Something's not right, that's for sure, she's not here, that's what's wrong..I don't know what I'm even still doing here, I'm going over there right now, I need to see her” Jared pushed himself away from the counter but Tom pushed him back. “No you don't! It won't do anyone any good if you go up there now and throw one of your diva tantrums!” he barked at Jared “..Just calm down, ok? Can't we just have a civilized talk for once?”. Jared took a deep breath “Fine! ” he sighed, how could he possibly be calm if a thousand worst case scenarios were running around in his head? “just tell me, what's going on?”. Tom shrugged “Ok, well, it's her behaviour that worries me, I mean, one minute she's alert and upset and the next minute she's all lethargic and so drowsy like she's falling asleep on the spot, do you know if there's been any change in her medication or something? because back in London she certainly wasn't like that”. Jared shook his head “Lethargic? Jordan? Seriously? She's a goddamn hurricane and you know it! Her medication has changed yeah, but she's been taking it since the operation and she wasn't drowsy or anything then” it was almost like he was discribing someone else, she wasn't self medicating, was she? “I was afraid you were going to say that..I dunno, maybe I'm just seeing things..” Tom tried to tell himself but he saw what he saw and it certainly didn't sit right with him. “Ok, you can't just waltz in here with some insinuations about her health and then expect me to stay calm and sit by while she slips away from me? This whole situation is getting completely out of hand and I don't care what she wants or doesn't want, I'm going over there and she's going to listen, I swear, I'll make her listen” Jared raised his voice “I'm not spending another goddamn night without her”. Tom had to push him back once again “Oh sure yeah, you go over there and you go all alpha male on her, yeah that's going to make it all better, you get what you want but what about Jordan, huh? What does she get out of this besides more heartache?” they were almost nose to nose now “Listen to me, it's clear we all need to talk..before it's too late..but we can't do that if you keep lashing out at her and run over there kicking and screaming! This is the future we're gonna have to talk about, not just yours or hers but all of our future, ok? Especially Noah's, it's his future that's on the line here, do you understand?”. Jared's eyes widened in shock “what the hell are you talking about? Noah's staying here with me and that's final! She should know that, we've talked about this, what did she say, Tom? What did she say?” he gasped. “She..uhm..ok, back in London, before she left for LA, she gave me a letter..” Tom stammered, his mouth going awfully dry, “what letter? What did it say?” Jared 's heart started pounding in his throat as he watched Tom swallow hard. “Ok..uhm if you really must know, it's..uhm like a will..it said that after her death, she wants me to to take care of Noah..” his words were barely above a whisper, “WHAT? NO, no-no-no-no-no you must have read that wrong, this is a joke right?” in his eyes a storm was starting to rage while he shook his head ferociously. “No, it's not, I'm afraid..that's why we're all going over there in the morning to talk to her, ok? Because I can't take care of Noah..it's too..complicated” Behind them the door opened and Noah stood there, clutching his Yoda-doll tightly against him without saying a word, but he had clearly overheard them talking about him because when Jared walked up to him, he just turned around and spurted out of the kitchen again with tears streaming down his little face.

#jared leto #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #fic #30 secondstomars fanfic #30 seconds to mars #into the night #chapter 99 #jordan and jared #jordan

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thandisizwemgudlwa · 7 years

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Africa's development can do with the family business model

07 July 2017, 08:57 NEWS24

THANDISIZWE MGUDLWA

It goes without saying that the social ills facing many families, communities and nations need more creative solutions if there's any hope of bettering Africa and the world. The family business model has the great potential of being the most viable business venture that the ordinary folk on the street is likely to succeed in. With high rates of unemployment facing many nations across the globe. The prospects of many people finding job security today including academic graduates; and the masses in particular, are zero to none. Even the option of investing in a career in the corporate world and in other sectors has been proven many a times, to be an opportunity that will be enjoyed by a privileged few. Coke, the global beverage giant, for an example started out as a family business. And look at where it is to day. It is in the most famous and best brands of all time. And other popular brands currently doing business include the likes of Phillips 66, Richemont, Foxconn, Nike, Volkswagen, Samsung Electronics, Facebook, Walmart, Novartis and Roche. The world of work has enormously changed to what is was say 30 years ago. However, not all is lost. With the advent of the Internet the world has become smaller. It has become easier today to run businesses online and offline. Other people first run a business online. The they start it offline as well. And other they do the opposite and start it offline, then go online. And on top of that, the E-commerce space, the digital economy and then you have one hell of an era. The knowledge economy has revolutionized our world. Many can be made 24/7.

But for some reasons. Many people have let this opportunities to change their current financial struggles continue. Their goals and dreams go to waste without giving themselves a chance a better life.

Competitions for jobs which involves recruitment agencies, overseas cheap labour, automation to name but a few factors hindering many people's changes of finding decent employment. It is based on those hindering factors that the Family Business model come into play. The Family Business venture is clearly a game changer for many in Africa and elsewhere. The business is modeled on various fronts. It is mostly a business that involves people possibly love, care and who want the best for each other. That is what family should be and must be. They are family after all. Of course this is not always the case. But again, the same can be said about the corporate world and other sectors. The family unit, this is what everyone should and must strive for. To rebuild the family unit for the development of out communities, city, countries, regions, continents and the world at large.

Business statistics around the the world confirm that out of every 10 companies that exist, only one will succeed in a period of less that 10 years. Some companies close down within three years and others follow suit soon after that. Many reasons are given for the failures of these companies, ranging from poor branding & marketing; low quality of the products and services; poor cash flow management, no and lack of proper bookkeeping, lack of quality well trained and so on and so forth.

Be that as it may, the problem of joblessness remains a biting one for many governments and countries. And jobs can not be created on scale demanded by the unemployment rates. Social grants become some government's weapon in dealing with unemployment. Bu this too, is proving to be not the solution as the masses wreck havoc in many poorly managed countries in Africa and many developing countries, due to poverty.

It is on that note the the Family Business model must be used as an alternative. The model involves people who are emotionally attached to each other. Many times they biologically connected. It involves people who live with one another and share spaces, resources and experiences.

The family business model, provides dysfunctional and even broken families an opportunity at fixing their families. It allows people to come together and help each other out to achieve their yet unreached goals and dreams. This is a model that gives family members another chance at prosperity. It is a business that gives family members a new sense of purpose and meaning in their lives.

Everyday becomes an opportunity to build the Family Business and to create a stable family fabric based on sound values, principles and ideals. With different set of skills, resources and networks, family members have an opportunity to create corporations that can severely uplift the family and can also create opportunities for other people outside the family, including job creation. The model offers families the opportunity to create a Corporate Social Investment (CSI) in their communities and other areas. Part of the model involves servicing the community in various ways.

It could be cleaning the streets and that's promoting environmental awareness. It could be by adopting a school and assisting that school in finding whatever it needs to be a world class learning institution. The great thing about the Family Business model is that it can easily and manageable be based on various ventures including selling different products and providing a wide variety of services.

Some family members may be involved in the venture on a part-time basis, while others can be involved on full-time basis. People must be given the freedom to choose. Some members may have jobs and/or be involved in other activities that keep them away from the Family Business a lot of the time. But they may have a genuine desire for the venture to prosper. At times they may even be the most sincere, committed, and even the biggest contribution to the venture even though they are involved elsewhere. A Family Business Strategic Plan with clear set out vision, mission, goals and objectives of the venture with time-frames will arrest any complications that negatively affect the Family Business.

Their involvement elsewhere needs to be seen as an asset as they could be marketing the venture and acquiring skills, knowledge and resources to plough back into the Family Business. Of out-most importance, is the nature of the Family venture. Who should do what? When? How/ Why? Or the guidelines of the venture. This is one area that needs many compromises from all family members. As people have different goals, dreams, ideas, wants and don't wants, for the Family Business venture to succeed, family members must be considerate on what other members of the family aspire for.

In other words, the venture can not be based on forcing things on people. It can not be oppressive on anyone. If people want to pull out of the business they must be allowed to do so with out any ill feelings towards them. People must have an opportunity to express their views and call for help and if and when the need arises.

A system of rules and regulation is highly is a must to allow order and direction. It is highly non-negotiable that all family members must understand and accept the rules and regulations of the venture, as without the rules and regulations, unnecessary crises and fights are likely to occur and threaten the survival and success of the family enterprise.

The family members need to do a thorough market research on what is the best business or businesses which get match the skills, education and resources they possess. Closer to home in the example of Kaizer Chiefs, which is another successful family business.

Founded in Soweto, South West of Johannesburg, on the 7th January 1970 by Kaizer Motaung and a group of fellow soccer lovers, the club is now a family business owned by the Motaungs.

With a revenue of $25 mil. – $50 milllion, Kaizer Chiefs employs 100-250 people. The Club falls under the Industry of Sports Teams & Leagues, Hospitality.

As a special part of the Kaizer Chiefs family, being a card carrying member of the Amakhosi Supporters Club means you get to enjoy a whole host of incredible benefits from insurance, retail among others.

With Hollard Insurance, the Clubs Insurance products include the Kaizer Chiefs Funeral Plan and Kaizer Chiefs Hospital Cash Back Plan which offer the opportunity to rest assured that a family is adequately covered in time of need.

In February 2005 it was announced that Motaung would join the board of Primedia Limited as a non-executive director. Primedia is South Africa’s largest private media holding company and owns 40% of Kaizer Chiefs. Through good business acumen Kaizer Chiefs bought back the 40% stake from Primedia in 2012.

Matuang has also served as a director on the boards of many other companies such as Royal Beechnut, Simba, New Age Beverages and Get Ahead.

Other most successful ideas on what kind of a Family Business people can do would include buying and selling, livestock farming, agribusiness farming, real estate property, vehicles or big equipment, events & party equipment, multi-level marketing.

The family businesses can be passed to the new generation of the family after much training and experience.

Education and training in business course and seminars is a must do for success. It must be ongoing with reading of business books and other material.With on-going communication, support for each other, mentoring and coaching the sky is the limit in the Family Business world.

NEWS24

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degenlife-blog · 7 years

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one time i was sitting in my house on my own i had just split up with my gf who was a crack head but she was nice.. the room was dark i was surrounded by bottles of piss half eaten sandwiches i even had a crust behind my ear i was quite sad because i was busto and heartbroken i thought maybe we would make it work and she would be my main squeese anyway she left me for a crack dealer..so at this point im feelin like ten dewey heart aching empty busto feeling and linger tilt from stacking off with a flush draw because some crotch monkey over bets the pot and i run into the swinging blade and throw up 2 clanging bricks and I just punch my ****in monitor almost put my fist through it and then i kicked my coffee table but not like a regular person no no no..i have to hit it as hard as I can with my ****ing shin!!!! wtff was i thinking im not van damme or some **** that hurt so bad i collapsed in agony and started crying i just laid there whimpering in agony sobbing and eventually the pain eased off but i had blood running all the way down my leg..i just laid there on the carpet for 2 hours staring into space i even knocked one out while laying in the recovery position i felt so lazy like a lazy slob and i smelt so rank like chinese food in a dumpster for days..i eventually get up im wearing stripey boxers and half of them is up my ass ive got my ass cheek showing but i dont care i sit at my pc and watch some 200/400 on betfair wishing i was in the game..i kept sitting at a table hoping i would have cash in my account i actually prayed to mary magdagascar..i check my emails and boooom titan poker have put free money in my damn account!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooooooooooooo..it felt like a blessing. Its like 5 dollars..so I go straight to max but in 5c/10c or some BS where u get nit on nits and I run that **** up to 20 in no time, then I but in at 25/50 and I hit a big overset and and I make some decent bluffs I get my stack to 145..at this point im thinking ok just play this mother****ing cool dont be a degen waste of lung capacity but i say *** it i will take a shot at 2/4... so I pick the easiest table luckily for me they are all easy and first hand I shove with the doyle brunson just for good luck everyone folds secnd hand i get AA..I shove I get 2 callers an Iwin and im oer 400 i say**** this and i goto 5/10 witha short stack what else am i suppose to do..i run this upto 3k pretty easily and step up to 10/20 and in 3 hours I have 13k..then it happened..I GET KING ****ING KING and some guy called han solo (TILTED) raises me to 30 dollars I re raise to 180 He raises to 550 I call planning to shove any flop flop comes AAA ..he says to me in chat I HAVE IT and bets the pot im like wtf ..thats areverse reversal bluff damn *** he must have it **** i cant fold i felt my heart speed up kind of like a panic attack how can i fold this my dad is in my ear saying DONT CALL he has the 4 of a kind im like no dad let me play my own damn hands why cant you go and play poker with otis redding always ****** interfering ..and i start arguing with him cant believe i have gone from 5 dollars to over a 20k pot in just hours..I call and he flips over QQ..I FIST PUMP LIKE IM OHN MACKENROE SHOUTING NOW WHAT NOW WHAT DAD HE DIDNT SAY **** TURN QUEEN RIVER QUEEENNNNNNNNNNN>>OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I MWAS SO ****IN MAD I STARTED SPITTINGup BLOOD FOAMING UP ...PUNCHED MY SELF in teh side of the head AND STARTED SHOUTING AT MY DAD INSIDE MY HEAD IM LIKE **** OFF LEAVE ME ALONE GET OUT OF My HEAD.. OMGG IM BUSTO AGAIN I FEEL LIKE A WORM WHO HAS HAS BIN SHOVELLED WHEN THE GROUND IS COLD OR MABE STUCK HIS HEAD IN A TURD..I FELT LIKE SUCH A ****INg DEGEN I COULD HAVE PLAYED 5/10 with 13k so easily and made decent rake and maybe found me some new pussy easily when i tell em im back to being a pro...first i burnt my hand on the stove on purpose omggg i was so wasted i went out in the backyard stark naked i started climbing the trees and just trying to get back to nature and forget the damn poker..loking back id lost my damn mind that pot had eloctrocuted my noodle..it started to rain and i looked so pathetic i couldnt even get a crack whore to stay with me and I had a big hemmaroid and my white pastey body stood out under the grey sky i must have looked like a sagging bag of milk... ..all i wanted to do was grind for 18 hours a day and fester in my own filth and live the life of a poker pro grind on the mind till i die make my tomb a house of cards.. i wanted to give up so bad.. now i was busto and i couldnt see a break in the clouds or any hope the next day when i woke up i had to masturbate just so i could get out of bed i browsed 2+2 and went back to bed for 3 days..I didnt even get up to go peepee i just pissed the bed because i was busto and nothing else mattered..i kept reminded myself that atleast i nwasnt the fat sloth puppet in that movie seven where he gets locked in a bat cave and is made to eat spaghetti till his guts spill open..but this didnt make me feel any better.. whats urine and the smell of a cheesy ritz cracker ass crack when you lost a 26k pot? i didnt give a **** about pissing on myself by that point..i could of had a milllion dingelberries attatched to my ass i wouldnt have cared...i was so upset the lowest point for so long even lower than when i talked myself out of a guy giving me a BJ for $100 I just couldnt do it..i felt lower than when my mom force fed me flowers..I almost killed myself on day 2 when metallica came on the radio..i dont know how I ever made it out alive..i always swear to this day it was just the hope of being back in action someday..it lifted me out of the bottomless pit and gave me reason to live and breathe..never quit guys..not even when they are dragging your face through the ****..there is always someone worse off than you..like a guy with a glass eye with a fish in it....keep grind on the mind

#degen #poker #degeneracy #degenerate

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alisonfloresus · 7 years

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Outstanding Demand in Industry of Nursing- Experienced RN

The lack of RN or Registered Nurse(s) in the health care industry is being felt in most countries which have an aging population of health care personnel. Registered nurses are valuable in their skills in the medical field and they make up about 50% of the whole population of the health care industry as stated by the World Health Organization. In USA alone, roughly 2.6 milllions of nursing jobs for RNs are currently persisting in the job market. Most of the 60% of the nursing jobs are in hospital scenarios. The government has now opened its employment doors to other nations who can offer qualified RNs to try to fill in the large demand of nurses in the country.

Most of the experienced RNs has become more older and will be reaching retirement age in less than ten years. This means that the demand for nurses will still likely increase in the coming years. Medical institutions have been looking at qualified nurses from abroad to help in filling in the gap made by the health care industry personnel demand. They have to find personnel with enough hospital experience to be able to have the skills required in the facility that can match the older generation of registered nurses. .

The demand for registered nurses has started a boom in the nursing student population in some of the second and third world countries. Most of these students are aiming to be able to qualify to work abroad so they can have better incentives and salary. The problem is that most of them lack the required experience to be able to work in foreign lands. Registered nurses who recently passed the board exam and got their nursing license is now left with lack of training grounds due to the prior population of nursing professionals who are still pursuing their years of expertise in their chosen specialization in some of the training facilities. This means newer batches of nursing professionals has to wait for their turn in gaining their necessary clinical experience to be able to pass the qualifications of foreign employers.

The rising steady demand for nurses has affected the staffing of nurses in the USA. They usually turn to recruitment agencies to do the necessary screening of nursing professional applicants. This takes longer time for qualified individuals with all the red tape and back ground check of their professional eligibility. The processing of application documents become grueling to some and usually cost them much than they can really afford.

Good thing about the situation is that discrimination is least likely prevalent and professionals are being screened according to their skills and experience. This gives foreign candidates equal footing to their local counterparts in a foreign land. The trend has been going on for years and most experts believe will still ensue until the right supply of nursing personnel has made up for the lack of nursing professionals in their nation.

Registered nurses are now regarded with esteem and respect as their skills are valuable in the medical fields among other disciplines that requires their clinical expertise. Hopefully, in time, registered nurses can catch up with the demand for their profession so that in the end every body is well taken care of.

from JournalsLINE http://journalsline.com/2017/05/17/outstanding-demand-in-industry-of-nursing-experienced-rn/ from Journals LINE https://journalsline.tumblr.com/post/160768989960

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